#posting this for Wednesday because im not very impressed with it

[quinn-pop]

okay fine i’ll bring back the egg. sorry for the pun but i’ve been sitting on this for a while because i can’t decide what to name them

(thinking they/he???)

they love being warm and must be approximately as snug as a bug in a rug at all times <3

didn’t give much context before but we’re going with that the egg was abandoned in winter horns and recovered by a group of waddle explorers

there wasn’t a lot of (known) writing on dedede’s species so figuring out what to do from there was kinda hard and they didn’t really know anything for certain, but between a little research, a gut feeling, and dedede and mk already used to Parenting, they passed the egg onto them to look after and well. yeah

it was definitely a rollercoaster for dedede, to be given hope that there were others like him after all - so it was only natural he’d take it very seriously. he spends a lot of time with them and they’re very clingy because of it. he says they’re like a duckling

being so big also comes with problems because as clingy as they are, they outgrew being able to be held by other people pretty fast lol

“meta pls stop looking like ur gonna punt our kid”

anyway i guess i’ll introduce the other kid next? between the two of them uhh dedede had a very tiring few years. stay at home dad problems i guess. on top of being a king lol

he probably realized how grateful he was that kirby was so independent lol..

the real enemy is everyone (meta especially) having a busy schedule

[honeybee-taskforce]

WIP(+WIPublished) Wednesday!!

GOOD MORNING!! No banner today because I forgot to move my new ones onto my tablet where I post from work lol, whoops. Here is a sneak peek at the next chapter of ‘not strong enough’ which was posted over the weekend and you can find here !!

Carlos swipes between every app that he has not checked yet, eyes staring at the screen, completely unfocused. He should text TK, he said that he would. The world stopped when he danced with TK and it is the lightest he has felt in years. He wants to chase that feeling again and again and again.

What holds him back is a sinking in the pit of his stomach screaming about how this will go horribly wrong. Years of taking care of himself and protecting the people of Austin have built a comfortable cement wall around Carlos’ heart. He hesitates to introduce it to the sledgehammer that is TK Strand.

What if TK is actually a terrible person and just knows some very nice people, all of whom Carlos loves? Tommy and Nancy, hell, even Grace spoke up and vouched for him. That does not mean he is actually perfect, though, right? TK struck gold by impressing the jackpot of amazing women in Carlos’ life so now Carlos has to follow it up?

It has been years since Carlos allowed himself to breathe and actually seek out a lover, or even a friend. The cement wall is brutal and blocks out everything he has convinced himself he doesn’t need in his life. Not until he has answers.

He sets his phone on the table and refuses to look at it for the next hour. He tries to busy himself with cleaning up some of the pots and pans that are dirtied in his sink.

Five minutes later, shaking his head and ripping off his dish washing gloves, Carlos is opening his text messages before he can second guess himself.

Tags below + open tag!!

Tag you’re it @heartstringsduet @alrightbuckaroo @lemonlyman-dotcom @nancys-braids @paperstorm

@im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @carlos-in-glasses @sanjuwrites

@falloutmars @never-blooms @your-catfish-friend @lightningboltreader @catanisspicy

@whatsintheboxmh @orchidscript @tellmegoodbye

[talkintrashcann]

Can I call you mine this year? - Xavier Thorpe

Summary: you celebrate new year's eve together with your friends and give out gifts, counting down to the new year and while you were busy admiring the fireworks outside, someone else was admiring you 🎇

Warnings: just fluff really, kissing, mention of fireworks, lmk if i missed anything

Word count: 1.2k

A/N: i really don't know how to feel about this title but i couldn't think of anything else im sorry. i would also like to wish you all a happy new year, and i hope you enjoy!

Requests: to the person that sent me a request, im currently working on it but wanted to post this one first, any other requests are always welcome btw, could also be different genre from what i usually make

———————

"Omg this is so pretty, thank you thank you thank you thank youuu", Enid said to you while suffocating you in a hug. You and your friends were having a new year's party together and decided to do a secret santa, everyone pulled a card last month with the name of the person they had to make a gift for. Since you wanted to avoid someone getting a cheap lame gift, everyone had to diy their present. This way everyone would get an authentic and personal gift, which turned out to be one of the greatest decisions you've ever made.

Once Enid finally let you go from her tight grip, it meant you were up next. You still didn't know who pulled your name, so you looked around at the people that haven't given a gift yet. It could be Wednesday, Eugene, Divina, or Xavier. You saw Xavier get out up from his seat and walk towards you with a huge grin on his face, he placed his gift to you on your lap before returning to where he was sitting. You looked suspiciously at Xavier before shifting your attention back to the present. It had a rectangular shape and was very flat, an idea of what it could be already coming to your mind. As you carefully unwrapped your gift, your eyes widened at the sight of it.

"Xavier this is beautiful.", you looked up at him again with your mouth slightly open from shock. He had made a drawing of you, which was what you had expected, but you didn't think it would be a drawing of you out in the snow. A few days ago, you and your friends went for a walk in the forest as it had snowed overnight which caused the entire domain to be covered in a thick layer of snow. You were looking at the drawing again, recollecting memories from that day, when suddenly the drawing moved. He was using his powers to bring his gift to life right in front of your eyes. You could now see the snow slowly falling from the sky, laughter could be seen on your face. It was truly one of your favourite moments with your friends, and now you can remember this time forever because of this artwork.

“That’s not fair, he’s using his powers to impress them even more!”, Ajax yelled out causing everyone to laugh a little. Obviously, Xavier would use his powers for your present, he knows how fascinating you find it when he does that. He knew that if he didn’t show you now, you’d probably be begging him to do it later.

You were the one getting up from your seat this time, walking over to Xavier to pull him into a tight hug. "Thank you so much, this has got to be one of the best presents I've ever gotten.". You gave him a very small kiss on his cheek to express how grateful you are for what he gave to you.

The secret santa continued and soon enough it was time to count down for the new year to start. Everyone was standing around the television, looking at the timer going down. You can’t believe another year already went by, and that you get to say goodbye to 2022 with all these new friends you’ve made on the way. Everyone’s eyes were glued to the screen as the last minute went in, while you were looking around at the people you loved most. A smile crept up your face, a part of you didn’t want the year to be over yet, but part of you also couldn’t wait to see what the new year would bring you. What crazy adventures you’d experience with the group, if you would finally start living up to those new year’s resolutions, and if you might meet the person that belongs with you. At that exact moment, you made eye contact with Xavier. He was already looking at you, who knows for how long, a soft smile was plastered on his face as well. You felt like he could look right through you, like he could hear every thought of yours.

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1…HAPPY NEW YEAR”

Everyone jumped up with joy, embracing the people around them. While everyone was celebrating the new year, you and Xavier were still looking at each other, it felt like your eyes were glued to his and his to yours. But after what felt like an eternity, Enid pulled you into a big hug which caused you to break the eye contact. After letting go of Enid, you went around the room giving the others a hug too. As you were hugging Bianca, you looked out the balcony window to see fireworks going off outside. You’ve always loved to watch the fireworks so without looking back at anyone, you went outside on the balcony to admire the spectacle happening in the distance.

The sound of the footsteps coming near you made you turn around to see who it was, your eyes locking with Xavier once more. The others were still inside dancing and singing to some music, but you didn’t pay attention to them at all. All you could hear was the distant crackling noise of the fireworks, and all you could see was Xavier standing dangerously close to you now. You smile at him before looking up at the sky, being completely mesmerized by the lights. Xavier was too, but by something else he found captivating.

“Isn’t it beautiful?”, you ask not taking your eyes off the tiny explosions.

“Incredibly beautiful.” Xavier responded but you noticed he wasn’t looking up at the night sky like you were, instead he was looking directly at you. You turned your head into his direction, faces only inches away from one another. You could feel your entire body heating up, you were certain your face had turned a dark shade of pink. For a second, you saw his eyes look at your lips, but they quickly went back up to meet your eyes. The fireworks reflected in his pretty green eyes, making this moment feel even more magical than it did before. Without realizing it, the both of you were moving closer to each other. And before you knew it, his soft lips had found their way to yours. The kiss was slow but passionate, your hands pulling him in closer by his neck while he did the same with your waist. It felt as if there were fireworks going off inside the two of you, and neither of you wanted it to ever end.

After what felt like forever, you slowly pulled away for a second to catch your breath, your noses still touching. “I like you, a lot.”, you heard him say and you would be lying if you said it didn’t make you feel things inside. “I really like you too.”, you returned the feeling by making him feel warm now.

“Can I call you mine this year?”

Without saying anything, you pulled him in for another kiss, hoping this would give him the answer he wanted. As you were deep in your thoughts, you could hear loud cheering coming from inside and when you looked at the window once more, you saw all your friends basically sticking to the window. Assuming they heard his question and saw your response very clearly, it looks like you weren’t the only ones waiting for this to happen.

If this is how the new year started, you can’t wait to see what the future holds.

[spicy--meatball]

ranking 550+ music genres: PART 1

i lied, this is happening before thursday. i plan on having this be three posts a week (tentatively wednesday, friday, and sunday) so i have time to listen to each genre and give my thoughts on them. i originally planned for this to be 10 genres in one post once a week, but considering how much ive written for this post im going to reduce it to 2-3 genres per post because im only allowed to post ten audios per post lmao.

one more thing before we begin, obviously im not a music expert. i make mistakes and am sometimes uninformed. if you feel like theres a correction to be made about something i said, i'll hear you out, just dont be a dick about it.

anyway, LETS BEGIN!

(1) 16-Bit

i used to listen to a lot of 8-bit and 16-bit music when i was in middle and early high school while i was writing or drawing. i understand how this music sparked some creativity in me back then, its generally whimsical but highly variable in mood.

theres also a lot of charm in the creativity that comes out of the limits akin to those that music-makers back in the 80s or 90s had when making video game soundtracks. there are sometimes other instruments, like electric guitars, more modern synths, piano, etc, but they mix well with the square, sine, and triangle waves used in this type of music.

that being said, while 16-bit is charming, it is not a genre i would listen to regularly, so it is going in the "i would not listen to this regularly but i respect it" tier. (be prepared, theres several weirdly specific tiers like this).

16-Bit song recs

(2) 2 Tone

based on the genre's name, i expected this genre to be similar to 16-bit. i was very wrong! this is not even remotely close to 16-bit. this is music i would expect to hear while watching a sped-up, comedic clip from the 80s of some guy who stole something silly from someone and is now running away from the cops. the audio would hypothetically be sped up too. think that one scene in A Christmas Story where ralph's bullies are chasing him down the street and his younger brother is struggling to catch up.

apparently "Our House" by Madness is 2 Tone? i hear this song regularly at work. that was a surprise to click on. though this song differs a lot in vibe from the songs i described while listening to previously.

i have yet to figure out why this genre is called 2 tone. i could look it up but that kind of ruins the fun of trying to form a critical thought. at the very least, i can say this genre sounds similar to ska. i still cant believe Our House is mixed in with all these songs.

anyway, "pretty good" tier genre.

2 Tone song recs

(3) Acapella

i cant be the only one whose only exposure to acapella so far has been during december when pentatonix pops up everywhere. its impressive what people can do with nothing but vocals.

i dont have much else to add unfortunately. "i would not listen to this regularly but i respect it" tier.

Acapella song recs

i love lady gaga and i appreciate the acapella rendition these guys did.

the tiers themselves as well as my rankings of each genre are subject to change as i see fit, but this is how it stands as of now. stay tuned for the next post!

[halfmoonshines]

hello i have returned to request ♥️ ! i loved the steven and marc headcanons you did last time (i have the post saved in my drafts i go back and read it all the time-) and id literally die for you if you did more headcanons for them-

thank you ! i love your blog + everything you post, you seem really cool :D - @moonkn1ghts

and ive copy + pasted the same information from last time because nothing has changed and i dont really want to type all of it out again, hopefully thats okay-

---

im 5'0, brown hair + brown eyes, ridiculously pale, and i mainly wear oversized hoodies + jeans, occasionally flannel but really just anything comfortable. i always have my nails painted black and i rarely wear makeup, but when i do its usually just eyeliner vaguely inspired buy The Batman.

im definitely an introvert, and naturally quiet enough that people have literally forgotten that i was even in the room. but if i know someone really well and im comfortable around them i can get really talkative - especially if its a topic im passionate about. im also not a fan of a lot of touching or physical affection, but if i really know/trust the person then im usually more okay with it. i get emotionally attached to animals and objects shaped like animals very easily and i have literally the worst sleep schedule.

im really into dungeons and dragons right now, but i also play a lot of minecraft and some other video games. i enjoy cosplay/sewing, though im not great at it yet. i also like reading and watching shows/movies and then having very strong opinions about what ive read/watched recently. im also attempting to learn guitar at the moment, but its not going very well.

ALRIGHT LETS GET IT

My chronic back pain is really kicking my ass today

- fun fact; Marc knows how to play guitar. In the military when you’re on missions, times can get long. One of the locals had a box string and he never went back so he’s more than happy to give you some lessons

- Steven and you sitting down on a Wednesday night for you to teach him D&D. He absolutely loves the process of making a character and has said he’s going to ‘roll to seduce’ you as much as he can

Also roll to pet any animal

- you and Steven sitting on the living room couch, you nestled between his legs and you’re both just reading. It’s 4am

- Marc definitely pulls to the front to demand you get some rest, but not before he gets some snuggles too

- Marc notices you eyeing the new sweatshirt he got so he wears it for just long enough for it to have his smell and puts it on you

“Yours now, baby.”

- you found a stray kitten and brought it home (shocker) Steven was immediately ecstatic especially since it made you happy but Marc took some talking to get him to agree (now him and the cat cuddle)

- Marc likes to carry you to bed when you get tired; no objections, he likes the action

- Steven just sitting and watching you sew for an hour, a dreamy look on his face because he’s always impressed by everything you do

Hope you liked!!!

check out my pinned post for cool stuff!

[yikesharringrove]

the fic you wrote for my last prompt was amazing, ty 😭 can you do 50 + 56 this time please? and if you want to work in dyslexic!steve too that would be awesome! 🥰

You are speaking my fuckin’ language, dyslexic Steve is my ABSOLUTE jam. Honestly, whenever I write Steve, he’s dyslexic, although sometimes it’s not mentioned because it’s not important to Harry’s journey @ jk rowling

Thank you for your request! I’m really glad you liked the other one I wrote! You’re anonymous so I don’t know which one that is but I really enjoyed writing them all! Sorry for my manic energy rn.

Something a little different, it’s modern au! This is probably nothing like what you were thinking so I’m sorry, but I kinda love it ngl.

50: Secret Admirer

56: “I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.”

Prompt list!

Billy spent three and a half hours reading through every single tweet on the account.

There were so fucking many of them. The earliest one was timestamped from four days ago, so obviously, this person had no life outside of tweeting.

Tweeting about Billy.

He had a few personal favorites. He had retweeted them to his account, figuring may as well play it up, make a joke outta everything.

@ImHardForHargrove: sorry WHOMST gave you the RIGHT to have eyes that fuckin blue im YELLING

@ImHardForHargrove: watchin u play basketball is a religious experience y are ur arms so BIG hhnnnng

And Billy’s absolute favorite, which he pinned right at the top of his account

@ImHardForHargrove: ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass ass

Billy knew he looked good. Knew he turned heads wherever he went. He did that on purpose. But realizing someone at Hawkins High had set up a thirst account for him, well.

“I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.” Billy had explained the situation to Robin, letting her go through the account on his phone. “Like, It’s kinda nice, whoever this guy is, he’s got a crush. But also like, It’s kinda creepy. Plus he’s objectifying me,” Billy was talking through his sandwich.

Robin made a face of disgust. “Why do you keep saying ‘he’? All of the girls in this fucking school are practically drooling for you.”

“Hard for Hargrove, Robin. I know you’re like, revolted by the peen and whatever but that does not excuse a lack of basic sexual education and anatomy.” She gagged at him. Honest to God, gagged. He thought she was gonna spew all over the table.

“If I ever hear you call it a peen ever again, it’s on sight Hargrove.” Heather plopped herself down next to Robin, kissing her cheek before zeroing in on Billy’s phone, still in Robin’s hand.

“Have you guys worked out who it could be yet?” Her eyes were wide at Billy.

“Billy says he thinks its a guy even though people with penises aren’t necessarily men.” Robin gave him a pointed look.

“Yeah Robin, I know that, but, I don’t know I just think it’s a guy penis-having person.”

Heather narrowed her eyes at him. “Do you actually think that, or are you just hoping in that goblin little brain of yours that this account is Steve Harrington’s.” Billy could feel the heat spread down his neck.

“Billy, I know Steve is like, the only out guy in this whole fucking town, but you can do way better than him.  PLUS, I feel like it makes more sense if the person running this account wasn’t out and had to channel their gay yearning through social media.”

“First of all Robin, you have this vendetta against Steve that I don’t get. He’s a nice guy. He’s kinda dopey, kinda dumb, but he’s like, sweet and shit. Second, I’m not out, so it still could be him because he doesn’t think I would, like, accept his advances or whatever. Hence, gay internet yearning.” The chime of the bell sent them packing their lunches, Billy’s phone vibrated in Robin’s hand. She rolled her eyes when he realized he turned on notifications for the account

“Get a fucking life you loser.” She slapped the phone into his hand. He opened the new tweet with embarrassing zeal.

@ImHardForHargrove: i saw u talking with ur mouth full and it was yucky but i was still  🥺🥺

His head shot up, trying to see who would have been facing him during lunch, but the cafeteria was almost empty.

The rest of the week Billy took deliberate care of every interaction he had with anyone. Observing who was in his surroundings, and making note of everything he did and said. He took extra caution around Steve, wanting to spot any minute detail that could give away who ran the account.

The account started blowing up. People were retweeting like fucking crazy. Everywhere he went, he was being asked if he’s seen it, like he doesn’t regularly retweet the good ones. The search for the owner of the account had spread throughout the whole school. A few girls even tried to claim the account was theirs, but every time that happened the account would tweet out something to discredit whoever made the claim, proving them a liar.

Billy was starting to lose hope it was Harrington. The tweets were coming at all different times, posted whenever the person thought about it, so Billy was losing track of who was near when he said or did something. And the tweets were always about stupid stuff Billy didn’t register doing. On Wednesday night the account said

@ImHardForHargrove: hi when you chew on your pencil and it makes me 🥴 that is all thx for comin to my ted talk

Friday afternoon gave them all:

@ImHardForHargrove: walked past ur classroom and u were asleep ive never wanted to CUDDLE someone so bad in my LIFE

But Saturday, Saturday renewed all hope for Harrington Billy could possibly have. Lauren Kranz was throwing a party. It was the first real rager in a while, so everyone was there, and everyone was sloshed. Everyone but Billy, who’d agreed to be designated driver for Robin and Heather like some kinda idiot.

He was brooding on the back porch when his phone went off. The account was active, and the owner was drunk.

@ImHardForHargrove: I can seeeeee u oyt the windw I wan u 2 FUC ME. RAW DOG.

@ImHardForHargrove: srry ur so beauitiful nd THICCC

@ImHardForHargrove: I wana shoot my shot but idk if u lik bois

@ImHardForHargrove: (ys i am boi)

@ImHardForHargrove: nd i dont wana get my heart broken agin 😥

He was right about it being a guy. He was right about him being too nervous to approach him outright. His brain was screaming stevestevesteve at him. Hawkins was shook when Steve came out as bisexual in his sophomore year. He was the golden boy, a real jock. He was NOT the kind of guy people would assume queer in a small midwestern town.

He was kind of a douchebag, dumping one girl for another, sleeping with her and never calling again. But then he settled down with this guy from the University of Indianapolis for a few months until Steve caught him cheating. Apparently, he had slashed the guy’s tires. Billy was impressed.

The next year came Wheeler, who only stuck around long enough to make sure Steve was nice and whipped before she fucked off on him too. So Steve retreated. Spent more time with middle schoolers than anybody else. Didn’t want to put his heart on the line anymore until he knew it wouldn’t be stomped on.  Billy could respect that.

Billy couldn’t risk being out in a town like Hawkins. Word always had a way of getting right back to his dad, and in a tiny hick town with nothing better to do than gossip, it was usually only a matter of hours before Neil heard something he didn’t like.

@ImHardForHargrove: srry 4 bad typing rn. drunk nd dysl exic ren’t a happy combo

Billy’s heart stopped. The drunken idiot was giving himself away. Maybe if he sat here staring at the account long enough, enough would be revealed he could figure it all out like a shitty drunk episode of Blue’s Clues.

He was so focused on Twitter, refreshing his feed, again and again, he didn’t notice a very drunk, and very unsteady Steve Harrington stumbling out the back door towards him. Until he crashed into his back.

“Sorry, Bill!” Billy had Steve by the shoulders trying to keep him upright. “Heyy I have a question for you.” Steve grabbed one of Billy’s hands and veered over to the table and chairs arranged neatly on the small patio. When they were sitting, Steve kept ahold of Billy’s hand.

“Hi.” Steve was smiling like a little kid. Billy was in fucking love.

“hey, Harrington. What was your question.”

“So-oo. I have this friend. A very good friend. Super close. And he has a big ol’ crush on you but he’s too scared to ask you himself because he keeps getting his heart fuckin’ broken so he wanted me to ask. Are you into guys?” It’s a miracle Billy understood any of that, every word blending into the next.

“That depends.” Billy leaned in, running his tongue along his bottom lip. He saw Steve take in a sharp breath, following the movement with his glazed eyes. He knew Steve was talking about himself, he just wanted to rile him up a little. Make him blush first. “This friend you’re talkin’ about. He’s our age? Like you’re not trying to set me up with one a’ your kids, right?” Steve physically recoiled.

“NO, you fuckin’ pedo. I’m NOT trying to set you up with a fuckin’, fuckin’ middle schooler. My friend is, uh eighteen. He’s a senior.” Unless Tommy fuckin’ H. suddenly had a penchant for dick Billy didn’t know about, Steve was 100% talking about himself.

“Well, if he’s as pretty as you are, I’d love to go out with him sometime.” Billy winked. Steve went red.

“Okay, but like, does that mean you’d go out with me? Like I’m as pretty as me, right? Because I was talking about me. Not ‘a friend’ I was talking about me. Steve.”

“Yeah, I kinda figured that out. You know, I was hoping it was you running that Twitter. Any time you’d tweet out something you wanted to do with me, I was always picturin’ doing it with you, Baby.” Billy was practically purring. “Especially all the shit you wanted me to do TO you.” Steve gave something between a whine and a groan and flopped himself onto Billy’s lap, straddling him with very little grace.

“Thank God. ‘Cause you’re so fucking hot I’d let you do anything to me. Anything, Bill.” Billy smiled softly at him.

“Then let me take you home. Let me put you in bed to sleep off all this. And let me take you to breakfast tomorrow. Something nice and greasy for your hangover tummy.” Steve was a puddle in Billy’s lap. “C’mon, Drunky, git your ass up.” Steve just giggled and muttered Drunky Skunky under his breath.

Billy sighed and stood up, hefting Steve up with him.

“Bil-ly,” Steve whined. “You’re so strong, this is so fucking hot. I gotta tweet about this.”

“Tweet it later, Sweet Thing.”

It took Billy for-fucking-ever to find Robin and Heather (they were making out in the basement with the stoners). But Steve chirped and cooed into his ear, so happy Billy could lift him and hold him like it was nothing.

The last tweet from the account was timestamped from Sunday evening.

@ImHardForHargrove: Hi this is Steve. Billy’s my boyfriend now 🥰#ThirstWorks

[love-fireflysong]

Hey hey hey! It’s another Wednesday, and, in my personal opinion, the best Wednesday of this year! ‘Why?’ you may ask. Well, I’ll get to that in a moment, first a little sneak peak to the next chapter of The Final Days of Our Youth:

But that was impossible now. The thin, twin mattress he had slept on for the last ten months was now bare, the box containing his sheets and blankets being one of the first things Josh had thrown into the back of the truck. So all Chris could do was just place his head into his hands, eyes squeezed shut as he pressed them firmly into the edges of his palms in a valiant effort to fight off the tears that he was always on the brink of these days. And, just like always, it was a useless effort. He could already feel the hot tears start to leak out the corners of his eyes and continue the now well-travelled path down his cheeks, so he picked up his phone and with a shaky hand turned the airplane mode on. 

C: i'm sorry NS C: i'm sorry NS C: i'm sorry NS C: i'm sosrry NS C: i'm ssory NS C: im soryr NS C: i;m srroy NS C: i;m orry NS C: im sotyt NS

Unfortunately I wasn’t able to get a whole lot done for this week involving Final Days, mainly because I was in the middle of writing two other little short stories  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But here’s hoping I’ll actually be able to buckle down and really hit the pavement writing wise for that now!

And while I’m sure that no one here really care’s about my cross-stitch updates, you’re still gonna get them! Mostly because this is the only thing that keeps me stitching everyday, I probably would have stopped ages ago now. I’m serious, I’ve been sewing for like seven months straight, and I’ve only missed a couple of days because of moving. That’s super impressive for me. That being said, I should easily be able to finish this page this week.

For those of you still curious on why today is the best Wednesday of the year for me, it’s very simple. You see, unlike everything else on this post, twenty-nine years ago today I was no longer a work in progress! My parents got to be sentenced to endure me, and now you all get to endure me too! Yay!

In all seriousness though, because I always feel guilty anytime anyone gives me shit, I figured that I would give you guys something instead to celebrate! So those two pieces I mentioned that I had been working on earlier? Yeah, those are done. When this get’s posted, I will either still sleeping or in the middle of cross-stitching (I always get these done Tuesday night before bed and then just have them scheduled to go the next morning), but keep an eye out! At some point in the morning/afternoon, I will be posting the links for Kiss Me, Not Them and For the Love of NERDS.

[guksthighs]

Hero ‘V’ || kth

When Taehyung’s arch enemy turns up at his door, crying and vulnerable he does the thing any hero would do and invites them in.

wordcount: 1.5k

genre: fluff, superhero!au

The wind howled through the empty streets, rain steadily hammering against the windows and Taehyung had just emerged from his shower, thick steam dispersing into the cold air when there was an urgent knock on the door.

He tilted his head in confusion, rubbing his towel over his hair in an attempt at drying it before placing it over his shoulders, walking towards the front door hoping it was just a very late delivery.

But that wasn’t what was waiting for him outside, instead, he saw a shadowed figure hunched over and shaking, pulling what looked like a hoodie further down their face. Taehyung didn’t recognise the figure and just as he began to walk away he heard a slight sniffling followed by louder knocking.

You were outside his house, Kim Taehyung, or the Hero ‘V’ as you knew him, the man who was meant to be your arch-enemy but also was the only person you could think of to ask for help.

Taehyung opened the door, a nervous tight-lipped smile on his face before he crouched slowly so he could see your face, “what’s wrong love?” But it was when he finally recognised your features, that he took a few steps back in surprise, “is-is that you Quick Kill?”

The tears came again, filling your eyes as you felt the helplessness overwhelm you and with a slight sigh you nodded, pulling the fabric of your sopping wet hoodie closer to your frame, “I didn’t know where else to go- I’m so sorry I don’t know what I was thinking-“ you trailed off and began to back away, feet nearing the edge of the top step.

Your gaze was trained on the wet pavements and when you had almost created enough distance to run away and hope that Taehyung would chalk the interaction down to a dream. But he was standing in front of you, with a white towel covering a small section of his broad golden chest and a towel over his waist.

He reached forward and offered his hand to you, giving you another closed mouth smile before raising his eyebrows, waiting for you to hold onto him which you did, even with your better judgement. Taehyung’s voice was almost teasing as he pulled you into the house, “inside here is a no power zone but I’m going to need a name before I really trust you love.”

The inside of his house was small and warm and you felt your heart begin to settle from its previous racing, “Y/N, the organisation gave me the villain name-“ you heard Taehyung chuckle before squeezing your hand as if to encourage you to continue. Which you did, biting your tongue hard before whispering, “I actually haven’t killed anyone.”

Taehyung laughed, stopping in his tracks and turning to grab both of your hands making you look up and see his eyes that sparkled with interest, “you’re kidding me. I seriously fell for your villain persona!”

Then, and you were sure it was an accident, he smiled.

For a second you were surprised by how handsome he was before your body froze, which was Taehyung’s power and instantly he started apologising, “Oh no Y/N! I'm so sorry- I’m- I’m not used to company at home let me grab a face mask and I’ll be back by the time you- oh never mind sorry.”

He scurried into one of the rooms leaving you to look around his house from your frozen position. You were currently standing at the end of the entrance hallway, on your left was a kitchen, the right was a closed door you assumed was for a bathroom and in front of you was where Taehyung had finally re-emerged wearing a set of matching blue striped pyjamas and a cute Rilakumma face mask.

You were familiar with his power and felt its hold on you begin to melt away, allowing you to finally move again and heave a sigh of relief before you frowned and looked up at him, “that didn’t last as long as usual?”

Taehyung laughed before grabbing a towel from the top of a door and passing it to you, “it’s because it was an accident Y/N, usually I’m trying to apprehend you long enough to arrest you.” With a sheepish smile, you placed the towel over your head wondering if you could exchange your own power for one to erase Taehyung’s memories.

Even though you couldn’t see anything, you heard him walk behind you and place his hands on your shoulders, “let’s go eat some leftover instant ramen and discuss why exactly you’re here.”

That was all it took to set your eyes watering again but you blinked quickly, managing to prevent any tears from slipping down your cheeks and with that you let Taehyung, your supposed “arch enemy” to guide you into his kitchen.

It didn’t take long for Taehyung to be sitting opposite you with a cup of instant ramen, his hair was tousled and still damp but the smile lines at the sides of his eyes made your heart warm and face heat up as you began to eat the ramen hoping to avoid his questions.

But it didn’t work, Taehyung leant forward with his elbow resting on the table and chin on his palm, “so what brought you to my humble house? And also how did you know I live here?”

You cleared your throat, before staring at the brown broth of your ramen before poking it slightly with your chopstick, “well in the- the organisation they have intel on all the heroes and where they live.”

“You didn’t explain why you came here and not to Flash’s house though,” Taehyung grinned, waiting for you to answer him even though he could tell that you were scared to answer.

However, there was the feeling and acknowledgement that if you didn’t give Taehyung an explanation that he would kick you out of the warm and safe house leaving you outside and with no better ideas of somewhere to go.

“Well I finally left the- organisation and they maybe don’t know-“ your voice got smaller, barely above a whisper, “they maybe weren’t given a week notice.”

Taehyung laughed and placed his hand on top of the one that was clenched on the table, “I’m seriously impressed Quick- I mean Y/N.” You could tell he was smiling underneath the mask and you smiled back, even if it maybe wasn’t completely genuine. “Look I’ve been fighting you since I became a hero which was over five years ago so- well-“ he tilted his head as if searching for the right words, “you can stay here as long as you need or want to.”

Your eyes watered and you covered your face with your hands as you felt the tears begin to roll down your cheeks causing Taehyung to gasp and jump up from his seat, and in a few seconds, his arms were wrapped around your torso.

You both stayed like that for some time until someone knocked at the door and you both jumped, Taehyung laughed and squeezed you once before releasing you from his grip, “I guess I’m just very popular right now.” He got up and walked out of the room, before walking back so he was in the doorframe and you knew he was smiling at you again, “you stay in here, just in case it’s someone from- you know- but I’m sure it’ll be okay.”

With a quick nod, you waited for him to walk away before jumping to your seat and shuffling towards the doorframe, sticking your head around the frame so you could see into the hallway and to where Taehyung was opening the door.

Taehyung’s voice was high pitched as he greeted whoever was there and he sounded familiar making you relax a little too much causing the person to gasp and shout, “Tae what are you doing with Quick Kill, a fucking villain in your house?”

“It isn’t what it looks like!” Taehyung replied, before turning around to see you giving a sheepish smile, “okay… maybe it is also she’s called Y/N and we’re friends now and maybe she’s living here for now because she’s converted to our side.”

The friend sighed and waved at you and that was when you recognised them to be the hero Flash, or Neon Jeongguk, Taehyung’s friend and accomplice.

The younger boy smiled at you before nudging Taehyung, “remember the house is a power-free zone so just both of you stay safe and,” he turned to look at you, smile broadening before he winked, “if you hurt a hair on his head you won’t live to see another day.”

Taehyung pushed Jeongguk before bounding over and hugging you with full force, “Gukkie leave her alone, we’re going to get on amazingly!”

+++

Jessnote: i’ve had a superhero au planned for a year now but was too busy to make a cohesive plot so instead i wrote this,,, introducing taehyung who freezes people with his smiles aha,, also i have a 12 hour training day tomorrow for work and its almost midnight whilst im posting this whoops

+ PROMPT GAME:

number: 155

“It isn’t what it looks like! Okay… Maybe it is” ( @sugamonster22 )

“I didn’t know where else to go.”

> POSTS EVERY MONDAY, WEDNESDAY AND FRIDAY AT 11PM (UK TIME) <

[welllpthisishappening]

just to let you know, im very very very excited to read one foot in (again) and can not wait!!

Thank you!! I am very, very, very excited that you are very, very, very excited. (And that you’d want to read something you’d already read. That is just stellar.) I’m also pretty psyched that I finally came up with a title, so it’s not just The Pushing Daises AU That Only Some People Asked For. 

So, this is not coming Wednesday (which is when chapter one will post) but I’m a sucker for posting snippets and here’s another snippet:

Ruby makes a noise in the back of her throat – almost a growl and it sounds a little predatory, but Emma can’t back up any farther. She’s already a little worried she inadvertently concussed herself before. “Ok, tell me something, and I expect God's honest truth because we are somewhere God is watching.” “This is not a church.” “Shut up, the truth, Em, you got it?” Emma nods slowly, nerves churning in the pit of her stomach and she can dimly make out the funeral director hovering at the other end of the hall. They’ve probably disrupted his entire schedule. “Was Killian Jones as dreamy as an adult as you thought he was when you were nine?” In the grand scheme of questions Ruby could have demanded answers to, that is probably the last thing Emma expects. It shouldn’t be, because this is Ruby and the day appears to be going a very specific kind of way, but the question still catches her off guard and, if asked, she will blame both of those things for the next few words that fall out of her mouth. 

“Yeah, he was,” Emma mumbles, and Ruby makes a noise that’s somewhere between generic triumph and a pretty spot on impression of some kind of barnyard animal that wakes up with the sun. “Oh my--Ruby, Ruby, shut up, shut up.”

[nativemossy]

Cap-IM Rec Week 2019 - Wednesday

Rec Week- Angsty Wednesday @cap-ironman 

Don’t forget to leave kudos and comments for your hardworking authors! they deserve the credit for the hard work they put into entertaining us with their fabulous works of art!

disclaimer: i genuinely struggle with the difference between angst and h/c, so the way i’m differentiating those lists is (mostly) by what the author tagged. 

the stillness of forgetting - by nasa

“Who are you?” Tony asks every morning when he wakes up and finds Steve lying next to him.

“I’m your husband,” Steve always replies.

-

aka Tony has Alzheimer's.

why rec?: ouchie, this one makes me cry a lot, so I don’t read it often. memory loss fics really get to me, so if thats something youre interested in this has it in stock! its so heartrendingly sweet and i just love it a lot

Orbital Mechanics - by Sabrecmc

Freshly out of the ice, Captain Steve Rogers definitely does not want to Bond with anyone. Until he does.

(Steve's POV for Celestial Navigation)

why rec?: tbh i’d recommend anything of Sabres (and multiple times at that - hence why i posted abt this on monday as well), but Celestial Navigation and by extension Orbital Mechanics both have permanent places on my instant classics list. just a lovely fic all around.

Something Death Can Touch - by thatdammeddame

Tony nearly dies in the field on a Saturday.

Steve breaks up with Tony the Wednesday after he's released from hospital.

why rec?: sad!! with happy ending!! its got a nice round conclusion, everyone comes full circle and is better for it.

Like A Comet Streaming On - by Sineala

Tony escapes Afghanistan with a functioning Iron Man suit and a perfectly normal heart. He even manages to bring Ho Yinsen home safely at his side. But he may as well have lost everything... because his wolfbrother is dead. Six months later, the Avengers find Captain America, frozen in ice, miraculously alive. Everything and everyone Steve has ever known is gone -- except his wolfsister, the recipient of the lupine version of the super-soldier serum, who was frozen in his arms. Tony has everything but his wolf. Steve has only his wolf. This is how their lives fit together.

why rec?: another fic that lives in my phone and travels with me - this is an instant classic for sure. i feel like i’ve recced this before no but i will be reccing it’s “fanfic of a fanfic” in tomorrows post, so I have talked about it. I love the psychic wolf premise, I hope to maybe do something in the future with it, though I could never dream of coming close to this amazing fic. If i’ve read this once i’ve read it dozens of times and loved it more each time. 

Wait & Sea - by Lenalena 

In which Tony and Steve get sent on an undercover mission aboard a cruise ship to make contact with Hydra. In this AU the military has kept the discovery and defrosting of Captain America a secret, so Steve and Tony have never met before. Yet they are to pose as newlyweds....

why rec?: tagged as angst and humor and if memory serves that’s exactly right. perfect blend of the humor of the identity porn trope with the angst of constant misunderstandings. 

Born From The Earth - by venusm

Tony Stark's born an omega in a world where that means he's supposed to follow certain social rules. He becomes Iron Man anyway: Fuck biology.

If only his biology (and the world) would quit fucking him back.

why rec?: i debated real heavy about including this because it’s technically steve/tony/omc, but hear me out: A great part of this fic focuses on the developing relationship between Tony and Steve, as well as Tony’s relationship with himself and the world around him. This is, hands down, my favorite fic of all time. as far as writing in general goes it’s right up there with my favorite authors. if i could only read one fic for the rest of my life this would undoubtedly be it - unfinished or no. i cannot even begin to impress upon you how much I love this fic. I can only aspire to write like this. the author makes you angry when they want you to be angry, sad when they want that too. It’s a beautifully orchestrated rollercoaster of emotion and I fall a little more in love every time I read it (which is frighteningly often).

Never Too Late for Love - by Sineala

Steve has always believed that a soulbond is a blessing -- a rare and beautiful miracle, joining the thoughts and feelings of two people forever, from the first time they touch. Steve knows he's not going to be one of the lucky ones. He knows Gail isn't his soulmate. But he loves her, even if they're not soulmates, and he's going to do right by her. After the war's over, he's going to marry her, and they're going to settle down. They'll buy a house. They'll have children. He'll see his family again. Maybe Bucky will live next door. It's going to be a good life. He doesn't need a soulbond. He'll be fine without one.

Then Steve wakes up sixty years in the future to find that his wonderful life has moved on without him. His family is long dead. His fiancée married his best friend. And the only purpose he has left is leading the Ultimates, a misbegotten team of superheroes with flaws too numerous to count. Steve hates everything about the future -- but most of all he detests Tony, flashy and flirtatious, who embodies everything Steve hates about a world he never wanted to live in.

And, oh, yeah, Steve has a soulmate after all: Tony fucking Stark.

why rec?: so much relationship angst. so. much. angst. Steve has to get his ass in gear and his brain into the 21st century, and Tony probably needs to go easy on the poor guy. its also ultsfic, which I’m usually not a giant fan of bc of the assholery but the dynamic works for me here

Senseless - by Scavenge4Dreams

Blinded, deafened, exhausted, injured and afraid, Tony raised himself up into a defensive position, the knife coming up just like Nat had taught him.

“That had better fucking be you, Steve Rogers- it had better be you. Fucking disarm me. If you let me kill you, I swear I will be very, very pissed.” Tony snarled, sure it was Steve approaching. Had to be. Had. To. Be.

What if it wasn’t?

why rec?: it’s been a while since i’ve read this, but I remember this being a good one that involves a rescue, injury recovery, and some eventual upon a brief reread I can say that this fic also has established relationship going for it! it’s tagged angst but it’s definitely got it’s fluffy parts and a really fun ending

Thrust Issues - by Sineala

A battle gone wrong leads Tony to the unexpected and pleasant discovery that Steve is much more well-endowed than he could ever have imagined. But when Tony learns that Steve has never actually been able to sleep with anyone because of his size, Tony does what any good friend would do: he offers to relieve Steve of his virginity. Personally. Tony's determined, Tony's methodical, and Tony has a plan. He's going to get Steve laid. Tony just needs to make sure Steve never finds out that Tony's in love with him.

why rec?: look at this point i think we can all agree that i might be a little bit of a fan of sineala’s. just wanted to throw that one out there to start us out. 

so my rec has little to do with the oodles of pining angst (of which there is plenty) and much more to do with there being a specific line in this fic that boils down to “friends fist friends right?” and I think of it at least biweekly. the rest of the fic is beautifully written and the characterization is to die for, plus its got a lovely happy ending!

She - by isozyme

Iron Man is strong and muscular and masculine, and Tony Stark wears a three-piece suit and walks with his hips stiff.  No colors other than navy or muted red. No prints bolder than a pinstripe. No luxurious silks and linens. His outfits are tailored to hang crisp and straight, his slacks hemmed to a conservative medium break.  The public won’t know. Nobody will go digging deeper, for classified ads and witnesses who remember him from half a decade ago. Steve will never find out all the ways Tony’s ruined himself.

why rec?: i’m putting this here just in case I don’t make a post for Sunday. This is one of those fics that hurts so good - it’s so well written sometimes it makes my teeth ache because it’s so sad and as the reader you can see all the pieces but a character cant. I love that feeling, its a great feeling. Some of this stuff can hit close to home so heed the warnings and read the tags!

[eddiespagheds]

reddie youtuber au!

okay i know its been forever since ive posted my writing but i have a lot instore including a little prequal too this oneshot! i wrote this based off of a headcanon by @billdenbroughsponytail !! you should go check it out and show jenn lots of love!! i really hope yall like this!!

word count: 1348   

ships: reddie

fluff cause im a sucker for it

Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak were both well known internet sensations, and have been for about 6 years now. Surprisingly enough their strong relationship of of 5 years began because of it. They now live together with their teams in a huge house where they film their Youtube videos.

Richie has a reaction channel that he uploads to every Monday and Wednesday while Eddie is an MUA that uploads every Tuesday and Thursday, and they upload daily vlogs everyday except for Sunday on a conjoined vlog channel they have. The happy couple wouldn’t be able to do any of this without their amazing crew that just so happens to be their best friends. Richie’s crew consists of Stan his editor, and Ben his writer while Eddie’s crew consists of Mike his editor, and Bill his writer, and Beverly films for both of them.

One day, all seven of them sat in their large office discussing video ideas for this week.

“I don’t know of a look I haven’t done yet Ben, it’s easy to run out of ideas rather quickly after doing this for six fucking years.”

Everyone just sat there staring at Eddie because it wasn’t like him to snap at someone like that, especially not Ben.

“Eds, maybe we should take a break for a bit, you’re starting to get really stressed” Richie began massaging Eddie’s shoulders almost instantly calming him down.

Eddie apologized to Ben before leading everyone to the living room where they ordered take out, and watched an old Friends rerun while simultaneously being on their phones.

“Have you guys seen James’ Twitter poll about shaving his eyebrows?” Bev laughed not even looking up from her phone.

“That’s it! I could tweet out asking what I should do for my next video!” Eddie practically jumped from his spot on the couch to go get his laptop, and he opened up Twitter when he returned.

“Okay, how does this sound? ‘Hey guys, tweet me some ideas for things you want to see in my video for Thursday!’” Eddie looked around the room, and saw approving faces reassuring him that his tweet was good.

About two hours later Bev grabbed the camera and began filming Eddie and Richie for the end of their vlog of the day.

“So, Eds here is about to reveal what you guys want his video to be about.” Richie said doing finger guns to the camera. “Okay drumroll please” He continued, switching to an impression of  a ring leader. Bev turned the camera around, catching everyone stomping their feet and patting their laps.

“Well the majority of the people that responded are saying that they want to see the ‘Boyfriend does my voiceover challenge!’” Eddie said letting out a small giggle.

“Cute, cute, cute!” Richie was pinching Eddie’s checks as he spoke. “Hope you guys are ready to see the best damn voiceover in Youtube history” Richie sloppily kissed Eddie;s cheek, both of them laughing the whole time.

“Okay, that’s a wrap from us! See you guys tomorrow, please like and subscribe down below. We’re Reddie’s vlogs and we’re out!”The two said at exactly the same time since they had memorized their outro ages ago.

The following day they began to film Eddie’s video that was featuring Richie. The two sat in Eddie’s office that he always filmed his videos in. It had a pastel pink background, and a bright white table with a few mirrors on it. On both sides there were shelves filled with wigs, brushes, palettes, and so much more. There wasn’t a script for the video because Eddie could handle his intro, and the rest was going to be Richie saying whatever dumb shit came out of his mouth. Since Richie was going to be doing his voiceover Eddie just had fun doing his makeup while talking to Richie and Bev as she filmed the whole thing. It took Eddie about an hour to complete the look, and then he filmed his intro afterwards.

“Wanna film my intro with me?” Obviously Richie said yes because he was practically incapable of saying no to Eddie.

“Hello everyone, it is me Eddie K your favorite MUA, and with me I have Richie the trashmouth Tozier” Eddie spoke at a rather fast pace that made Richie let out a small laugh which only made Eddie laugh.

“I asked you guys on Twitter what you wanted to see for this week’s video, and surprisingly enough, you all wanted to see this idiot do my voiceover.”

Richie smirked to the camera before speaking.”And who am I to disappoint?” Richie winked to the camera, and Eddie only laughed the whole time.

“So, without further ado, let’s get into the video!” Eddie smiled as he watched Bev turn the camera off. Richie and Bev then made their way to Richie’s office where they would film the actual voice over portion of the video while Eddie waited in the living room.

* * * * * * * * * *

“Look at my Eds waving at the camera, looking all cute and shit. So, first he’s putting on lotion to keep his skin nice and soft and all that shit. Wait a minute...that’s my lotion! I used it with his mom last night.” Richie paused the video to wink at the camera before continuing the video. “He’s pouring some tan shit on the back of his hand, uhh i think it’s foundation or something like that. Now he’s fucking pounding it into his face with this marshmallow looking thing.” He stopped the video again and turned to the camera putting on his best Australian accent. “Aye, here we have one of the rarest of makeup marshmallows, completely edible, but hard to swallow.” Both him and Bev started laughing before Richie played the video and continued. “Now he’s putting some lighter tan shit under his eyes, probably to cover up the eye bags he gets from fucking me all night long. Now he’s putting on dome powder that’s whiter than Stan the man! I bet you could snort that shit. Holy shit look at my boy kill the game! Look at that contour. Y’all bitches can’t even spell contour. Is he putting shimmery eyeshadow on his cheeks??? What the fuck Eds.” He put on a bad British accent before speaking again. “Look at the lad, bringin’ out his eyes!” He chuckled a bit before averting his attention back to Eddie. “Oh my God, my Eds looks so fucking good with shimmery eyeshadow, it brings out his beautiful chestnut eyes quite nicely. Now he’s putting some black shit on his eyes. Ooh, look at the flicka da wrist, aye, look at the flicka da wrist. Yes look at my spaghetti man! Ohh I know what this is, it’s mascara. W-what is that orange thing? Why is he putting it up to his eye? Eds on’t do it, it’s an orange clockwork torture device! Oh, wait...nevermind, he just made his eyelashes look better. Look at all of those lipsticks he has. Ahh yes, he is choosing the red lipstick to symbolize spaghetti sauce because he is my Eddie spaghetti...I love him so much. And now he is spraying some shit that looks like water on his face. Wow he is gorgeous, look at his cute smile while he’s waving with his little hands aww.” Richie finished gushing over Eddie, and turned off all of the equipment before exiting the room, and Bev followed him out.

“Thanks again for doing this Rich.” Eddie said from where he sat on the sofa when he saw Richie appear in the living room.

Richie walked up to where Eddie was, placing a soft kiss on his lips before speaking. “Anything for you spaghetti.”

That Thursday the video was released, and it was a huge success. People have always loved seeing Eddie and Richie together, and that was very obvious based on the amount of likes, view, and positive comments that the video got. Bev and Bill had been telling them to do more videos together for months now, and maybe they’ll do just that.

let me know if you wanna be added to my tag list!

@trashmouths-love-to-cuddle @wlwrichie @eddiehoney @lovely-eddie-it @lovely-kaspbrak @kingsteve-more-like-dadsteve

[joysjoy]

don’t mind me (also don’t rb this please and ty!!!!!!! im posting it on my ao3 later i just need some people to read it)

“Damn right.”

Seokjin keeps the following tallied list of all the things that he holds against Kim Taehyung:

Taehyung spilled an entire tumbler of strawberry juice across Seokin’s new cream sweater with the red trim.  He’d apologized profusely but had then gone on to beat Seokjin in Mario Party, so therefore, all his infractions on said date were thus considered unforgivable.

Taehyung invited Seokjin to a party, only to disappear ten minutes in and Seokjin had to fish him out of a pool.  Taehyung had decided to play dead in Seokjin’s arms at the last minute, dragging them both into the pool and soaking Seokjin head to toe in front of some of the most attractive people on campus.

The entirety of Taehyung’s second year, when he refused to admit he was hoarding lizards in their room and then got Seokjin fined when an RA found a tiny little lizard making a nest out of Seokjin’s underwear during a room inspection.

Wine Night Wednesdays, no other specification needed.

This fucking Italy trip.

Taehyung spilled an entire tumbler of strawberry juice across Seokin’s new cream sweater with the red trim.  He’d apologized profusely but had then gone on to beat Seokjin in Mario Party, so therefore, all his infractions on said date were thus considered unforgivable.

Taehyung invited Seokjin to a party, only to disappear ten minutes in and Seokjin had to fish him out of a pool.  Taehyung had decided to play dead in Seokjin’s arms at the last minute, dragging them both into the pool and soaking Seokjin head to toe in front of some of the most attractive people on campus.

The entirety of Taehyung’s second year, when he refused to admit he was hoarding lizards in their room and then got Seokjin fined when an RA found a tiny little lizard making a nest out of Seokjin’s underwear during a room inspection.

Wine Night Wednesdays, no other specification needed.

This fucking Italy trip.

What had started as a half joke, when Seokjin had been complaining about not having been laid in months and how he blamed the entire country of South Korea for it, had turned into Taehyung very honestly and sincerely purchasing tickets for a four-day “bro’s” weekend in Milan for both of them to find someone to have fun with.

“Taehyung-ah, I could have just called Yoongi or something,” Seokjin groans, “You didn’t have to spend half your paycheck on getting me laid.”

“Okay one,” Taehyung holds up a finger, “It’s really sad that Yoongi-hyung is your fuck buddy.  You guys have like basic and boring vanilla sex once maybe ever six months and you both always complain about the other afterwards.  Frankly, I’m shocked your friendship is intact.  And besides, he’s dating Jungkookie officially now, so he’s off the table.”

“Good for them,” Seokjin mutters, staring at his cuticles.

“And second!” Taehyung snaps his fingers in front of Seokjin’s face to get his attention back from his torn cuticles, “I spent my entire paycheck and it doesn’t matter because I need to get laid too and it’s becoming depressing to watch you wallow.”

“My wallowing is impressive and not at all depressing,” Seokjin attempts, but he sighs and ultimately gives in and snatches the plane ticket off the table, “Also this was so dramatic of you.  You don’t even need to print plane tickets anymore; they’re on our phones Taehyung-ah.”

“When have you ever known me to be anything less than dramatic, hyung?”

Which is how Seokjin now finds himself clustered up in a group of admittedly attractive, but incredibly sweaty people around his age at a random bar that Taehyung found on the street when he was searching for gelato earlier.  Taehyung’s at the bar, trying to con the bartender into giving them drinks for free because he got pickpocketed almost the second they’d come into the bar, and Seokjin’s just trying to nurse his solitary Aperol spritz without spilling half of it on his shirt or on any of the other unsuspecting patrons around him.

This is the worst idea Taehyung’s ever had.  Seokjin’s going to hold this over his head for years, and he’s going to make Taehyung pay for it by telling Jungkook about the pickpocketing which their maknae will never forget for as long as he lives.

“You look absolutely miserable,” a cheerful voice pipes up from beside him and Seokjin needs to actively fight the instinct to not douse the speaker in his drink.

“Pardon me?” Seokjin says, then, as he actually processes what just happened, “Wait, you’re speaking Korean.”

“Well I am Korean,” the owner of the voice steps into Seokjin’s view and he has to swallow harshly to keep from gaping at the man in front of him.  He’s a bit shorter than Seokjin, slender, with nice lean muscles that are only partially hidden by his sheer top and tight pants.  His hair is platinum, not unlike Seokjin’s had been years before, and he has a heart-shaped smile that leaves Seokjin a bit weak at the knees.

\ “I’m also Korean,” Seokjin says, instead of something probably much more embarrassing about this man’s tiny dimples.  He grins, and settles a hand on Seokjin’s forearm.

“Yeah, the speaking Korean thing kind of gave that away,” he teases, though it’s not mean, and in fact sends a curl of heat twisting in Seokjin’s stomach.  “I’m Hoseok.”

“Seokjin.”

“Ha!” Hoseok grins even wider if that could be possible, and nudges his shoulder into Seokjin’s, “Two Seoks!”

“Must be fate or something,” Seokjin says smoothly, dragging one hand up the stretch of Hoseok’s arm.  He can flirt if he wants to, it’s just been so exhausting these past couple months to flirt with people who bore him half to death in their attempts to impress him and take him home.  Hoseok isn’t trying to impress him, isn’t really even flirting with him: he’s just making silly jokes and touching him casually like he’s someone familiar.  Seokjin doesn’t just like it; he craves it.

“Do you wanna dance with me, Seokjin-ssi?” Hoseok asks, and it’s not pushy, it’s just a casual question, a take-it-or-leave-it, a “I won’t be upset if you say no”, a “we could have fun together if you want, but I won’t force you either way.”  It’s so goddamn refreshing, and Seokjin is so terribly endeared and turned on at the same time.

“Lead the way, Hoseok-ssi,” Seokjin gestures to the dance floor and Hoseok’s face lights up before he steers both of them through the crowd and into one of the less crowded sections of the dance floor.  If Seokjin thought Hoseok looked beautiful by the dimmed light of the bar, it’s nothing compared to how the man’s cheekbones and the slope of his nose look under the vibrant red and blue lights of the dancefloor.  It’s like he’s glowing, and Seokjin feels near-helpless as Hoseok pulls him into his arms. 

The last time he wen tot a club, he’d been with Yoongi, Taehyung, and Jungkook and Taehyung and Jungkook had disappeared within an hour to go dance on a table and simper at the bartenders for shots.  Yoongi had taken one look at Seokjin and burst into rasping laughter.

---

“Hyung, it’s not going to kill you to have fun.”

“This isn’t really my thing,” Seokjin says, frowning at the way a bartender is a bit too forward with Taehyung and Jungkook has to step in to defend him, “I don’t like situations where society’s decided you’re meant to have fun.  I wanna make my own fun.”

“Seokjin-hyung,” Yoongi shakes his head, “No one’s ever stopped you from having fun in the exact way you want.  You just have to find the right person who feels the same way you do.”

“Do you, Yoongichi?” Seokjin teases in aegyo, widening his eyes comically, “Does my Yoongichi like having fun the way I do?”

“God no,” Yoongi groans as he orders another drink, “No, I actually just really fucking hate bars.  Also, I think Taehyung just stole a watermelon.”

“Oh fuck.”

---

“Loosen up, Seokjin-ssi, I’m not gonna hurt you,” Hoseok’s tongue peeks out from behind his teeth as he teases.  Seokjin comes back into his body with a start.  Hoseok’s wrapped around him lightly, and Seokjin can feel where their bare skin has pressed together, dramp with sweat but tingling with something a bit more.  Hoseok strikes him as the type of person who may want to have fun in the same way Seokjin does, like he’s dancing with Seokjin because he wants to and not because he feels like he has to.  He loves it, he loves this ease that Hoseok’s brought into his evening; Seokjin can’t wait to brag about this tomorrow.  For now, Seokjin smirks and tilts his head so his lips brush Hoseok’s ear as he speaks.

“What if I said I wanted you to be a little harder with me?”  Hoseok doesn’t shiver like Soekjin had been hoping he would, but his smile does turn devilish as he tugs Seokjin’s hips flush with his.

“I’d say you have to wait a bit longer and that I promise it’ll be worth the wait.”  Seokjin can’t help but groan a bit and the tiny giggle from Hoseok just spurs him to grind his hips down in the most sensual way he can.

“Well then, on with it, Hoseok-ssi.  I’m a very impatient man.”  Hoseok laughs for real, and then it’s like his entire body turns into one silky smooth ribbon of motion and Seokjin’s pulled along for the ride.

And alright, Seokjin’s had sex before; like, a fully decent and regular amount of sex.  He’s slept with Yoongi a handful of times throughout the years, solely due to the fact that they were both there and single and kind of bored.  He’d had a brief, though impassioned relationship with someone named Park Jinyoung that he’d met at a modeling show.  There’d been a few hookups in college.  Point being, Seokjin’s had a lot of very nice sex in his life and he’s never been disapponted with his sexual experiences.

Dancing with Hoseok in a very public bar while some song that he remembered being popular in 2012 plays puts all of those very adequate and enjoyable sexual experiences to shame.

Hoseok moves like he doesn’t have to worry about bones or muscle or anything that might slow him down.  He moves from slow sensual swirls of his hips to twirling Seokjin in his arms to dippin ghim low and grazing the plush of his lips over Seokjin’s throat.  The whole time, Seokjin’s fighting the urge to just pull Hoseok by his stupid blond hair and kiss him silly, but something about Hoseok’s buildup and the way all his touches fall on the right side of teasing keeps him at bay.

Addicting, Seokjin thinks as Hoseok gives him a look through the lights that sizzles and rests low in his stomach, Hoseok is addicting.

“I don’t mean to interrupt whatever crisis is happening here,” Hoseok mutters in his ear, low and sweet, “But I know we both came here with friends and I’m at least 96 percent sure their tongues are in each other’s mouths right now.”  Seokjin doesn’t question how Hoseok comes to assume this, there aren’t many Korean people in an Italian bar on a random weekend in August, but he does turn in time to see Taehyung slip his entire hand down a pink-haired man’s pants and smirk.

“Well.  I can’t say I’m surprised,” Seokjin’s giggling because this entire situation is just on the right side of goddamn hilarious, “The whole point of this trip was to find people to hook up with because men in Korea weren’t doing it for us.”

“And now you’re both paired off with Korean men in Italy,” Hoseok’s laughing too.  Seokjin raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, are we paired off?”

“I wouldn’t spend this much time with my hands in your hair if I wasn’t planning on it going somewhere,” Hoseok smiles, but it’s heated, and Seokjin’s finally tired of the back-and-forth.  He leans forward an inch, waits for Hoseok to stop him if he so chooses, and then surges the rest of the way forward to kiss him.  Hoseok tastes like lemonade and Aperol, and his mouth is so soft and sweet against Seokjin’s that he wants to die a little bit.  Then, Hoseok’s tilting his head and sliding their tongues together and suddenly the kiss is so hot that Seokjin forgets how to breathe.

Hoseok’s hands are tight on his waist, and Seokjin can’t help but slide his fingers to tighten in Hoseok’s hair.  Hoseok lets out a whimper against his lips, and Seokjin separates their lips to drag open mouthed kisses on Hoseok’s neck and murmur against his skin.

“Remember when I asked you to be rough with me, Seok-ah?  I’ve changed my mind,” Seokjin pulls back to look at the gazy gleam in Hoseok’s eyes, “I want to wreck you instead, is that arlight?”

“I’m not giving up so easily, Seokjin-ssi,” Hoseok’s voice sounds strong, but the way he’s melting into Seokjin’s arms betrays him, “I can still wreck you by the time the night’s over.”

“Oh I have no doubt you will,” Seokjin smiles once, sweet, before they’re kissing again and Hoseok’s thigh is between his legs and all rational thought fizzles out in the flashing lights.

*

“Let me get this straight,” Taehyung starts.  Seokjin sips his coffee unbothered.  Hoseok’s out getting them pastries and he’s taken his friend, Jimin, with him so Seokjin and Taehyung can do a quick catch up.  Taehyung’s been babbling for ten minutes straight.

“You met Hoseok at the bar, danced with him, made out with him so intensely that the bouncers asked you to leave, came back to the hotel where all four of us are conveniently stayed, fucked him and also got fucked by him, have exhanged numbers and agreed to go on a date once we get back to Korea, and you’re still disowning me for bringing you to Italy?”

“Yes, Tae-ah,” Seokjin takes a sip of coffee, “Precisely.”

“How in God’s name do I deserve any of this?”  Seokjin leans forward, easy smile becoming murderous.

“You used the last fucking condom and I had to delay my very enjoyable night by a half hour to tuck my dick into my waistband and go to a very cranky Italian shopowner to beg for more.  You are on my shit list for at least another year.”  Taehyung swallows thickly, nods, and pats Seokjin’s hand tenderly.

“Okay, that might be fair.”

[myneighborhood-thelake]

IronMan Canada 1998

IMC '98 meant a lot to me because it paved the way for some major changes in my life which I really needed to make. There are probably to many tri-related details and too many extraneous issues in this and the subsequent post that I will send out. I apologise in advance if you dislike rambling stories, but the IMC experience was much more than 14 hours 10 minutes and 48 seconds of swimming, biking and running (walking). It was over a year of contemplation and training, and it was 10 years of racing narrowed down into one event.

That said, please enjoy.

I think that my story starts out about 5 years ago. I was putting myself through my final years of college and money was just a little tight. I made a conscious choice to stop racing triathlons for a while to reduce my expenses. I graduated and landed a great job with excellent potential for advancement. Since I was pushing hard in my career tri's were still regulated to the backseat. 2 1/2 years passed in that job and I was experiencing severe burnout. I had focused all of my intensity on my work, and work was not as exciting as it had been when I was fresh out of college.

Labor Day (U.S.) 1997. One of my best friends got married in Philadelphia - which is an incredible town. At an after party I was talking with a couple of people - an associate editor of Triathlete magazine and a guy who occasionally does a few tri's. The tri-geek was trying to get the Triathlete editor to give him a slot for Kona. He would have been better off trying to score a date with her - there was no way that she was going to conjure up a Kona slot. She suggested IMC as a place to qualify.

The wheels in my head started to turn - "I need a challenge" "I have wanted to get back into tri's for several years" "I need a really big challenge to get me out of my workaholic rut" "Maybe I should try IMC"

Back at work I downloaded the IMC '98 application and contemplated the commitment to training for an IM. My wife was 100% behind me signing up for IMC. When we started dating I was racing tri's in Southern California, and she knows how much I enjoyed the scene. I bit the bullet and mailed in my application. I even started training  - somewhat. Four plus  years of inactivity had taken their toll. I had purchased a new Kestrel KM40 in the fall of 1996, but I only had ridden it for about 100 miles in the year since I bought it. It was pretty embarrassing to be out riding my shiny, new Kestrel as I was getting passed by everyone on the road.

I soon subscribed to Tri-DRS and saw all the traffic about IMC filling up in record time. I wondered, I worried, I fretted, and then the confirmation letter came. It was true - I was going to Canada in 9 months.

To say the least - I was really scared. I was out of shape. I had never done an Ironman. I used to train for Oly distance races using a "feeling" plan - "How do I feel today and what do I want to do?"  I knew that I could not train for an Ironman on such an ad hoc training plan.

I wrote down my goals for IMC '98. A

1. Finish my first Ironman. 2. Have fun.

After the race I would: 1. Smile. 2. Hug my wife. 3. Be happy that I went from couch potato to Ironman in 10 months!!!!

I needed some help in training, so I talked with my college teammate and now QR pro Greg Thompson. Greg suggested that I contact Lauren Alexander for coaching advice. The best thing that I did in the months prior to IMC was hire Lauren as my coach. She is a major asset.

The months flew by, I had a hideous race at Wildflower, I DNF'd at San Jose due to a mechanical, I finally had a great race at a local sprint tri and I did pretty well at the 1/2 Vineman. The 1/2 Vineman taught me that I could overcome problems during a race and still continue on to a good finish. I sent out numerous emails to both the Tri-DRS and the IMC lists asking all kinds of stupid questions. Luckily there are a lot of great people on the list who answered my questions and gave me some great guidance. Unbelievably - Taper Time for IMC arrived - my first IM was only 3 weeks away.

During all of this IM training,  life continued to march forward. My wife continued her studies and supported my training endeavors. My job structure changed again, and again, and again, and finally I found a new job that started two weeks before IMC - of course I negotiated a one week break for IMC into my offer. As always there was a multitude of issues to deal with that really got in the way with training. As time marched on I forgot about my initial race goals - I started thinking about racing IMC as opposed to surviving it, and that was a big mistake. My initial goals were what I should have focused on, but I wasted a lot time worrying about split times, average speed and run paces.

Tuesday Afternoon,

Flew from San Francisco to Vancouver. A hometown friend drove to Penticton, so I stashed my bike in his mini-van for the trip. I did not have to worry about packing a bike box, or whether my bike would arrive in Penticton on my flight.

While waiting for the puddle jumper from Vancouver to Penticton, some guy sat next to me and asked me if I was doing the race. I am not sure why he would look at me and assume that I was racing IMC - Okay, maybe the shaved legs and Specialized transition bag were pretty good indicators. He introduces himself as Scott Adams (it sounds familiar). I introduce myself as Ron Renwick. Sometimes it is very useful to have your name and email address coincide. Scott recognized my name, and further introduced himself as an infrequent poster to Jason's IMC list - this is a really small world!  Another friend of mine, Bill - from my Wildflower debacle, showed up and we waited for the plane to Penticton.

We arrived in Penticton. Scott had a seat next to me on the plane where he tried to avoid listening to me whine about how hungry I was for the duration of the flight. Thanks for the pretzels Scott. In the Penticton airport, Scott started talking to this big guy with bright 'blonde' hair and a smaller guy with very little hair. Jason Mayfield and Bruce Grant had come to pick up Scott. I think that Bruce's wife and Eric Austin may have been there too, but it was a few days ago and my memory is not what it used to be. Scott's bike actually made it into Penticton on our flight. My buddy Bill was not so lucky. His bike did not show (as expected), and Canadian Airlines had lost his suitcase too. His carry-on consisted solely of his race wheels, so he was not a happy camper.

Bill and I made our way to the Rochester Resort - 2 doors from the Sicamous, and "The Best Value On The Beach."  It was late so we walked the 10 steps to Salty's restaurant for a bite to eat. FYI, avoid Salty's if possible. Bill was able to buy a toothbrush at the local convenience store - he now had race wheels, the clothes on his back and a toothbrush - Bill was not a happy camper.

Wednesday,

0700 - I made my way to the Sicamous for my first pre-IMC swim. I met so many people that I had emailed with over the last 10 months. I only swam for 20 minutes, but meeting everyone was incredible. My goggles broke during the swim - add one more thing to my "Must Buy" list.

After a shower Bill and I walked downtown to the Hog's Breath. We grabbed a cup of coffee and some breakfast. Bill was impressed that we kept bumping into Tri-DRS'ers. I finally told him that "Everything I know about Penticton I learned on from the List."  Which meant that anywhere we went we were sure to bump into some Deads. We walked around town, checked out the construction zone of the Athlete's village and hit the Bike Barn - a really cool bike store. Most bike shops in the SF Bay area are pretty streamlined. They look more like a Blockbuster Video store than a neighborhood bike shop  - everything is in its proper spot. The Bike Barn rocks - racks of stuff and a good assortment of bikes. Bins were overflowing with stuff. It was a great place to dig around for bike goodies. The place was humming with tri-bikes. There must have been at least 8 workstands going continuously.

We went to lunch at Front Street Pasta (Jason's choice) a great meal for a very low price. I finally met Dave 'the starving student" Barclay. Jason was quite the entertainment director - as the week progressed he started looking more and more like Julie Tewes, the Cruise Director from the Love Boat ;-).

My bike arrived in the afternoon - reassembly consisted of putting the front wheel back on (no allen wrenches for me). For dinner it was Front Street Pasta again this time with my bike hauling friend Ray, Bill, Dead Chris Nugent and lurking Dead Bob Castaldi. A post-dinner beer with Ray and Greg Pressler was quite relaxing. Greg truly is a poet at heart.

Thursday

Thursday was my glycogen depletion/carbo load day so I did a solo swim and run and 4 of us rode the first 15 miles of the bike course out and back. We meant to ride the run course, but we turned left on McClean by mistake. We then picked up our registration packets and got our wrist bands. It was official - I was signed up for an Ironman.

Friday

I missed the 0700 swim by 10 minutes, so I did not get to meet anyone new from the list. However, after the swim I finally met the person that I have tried to meet for months now. We train in the same locations, we race the same races and we live only a few miles apart, but I had never met this person. Finally, after a 2000 mile trek to Canada, I finally met Tri-Baby, the one the only Tricia Richter. Now I wonder how the hell I missed seeing her in other races!  And I thought that Jason had some noticable hair.

My buddy Ray and I went to the Hog's Breath after the swim for a dose of caffeine, and we bumped into some deads (imagine that). Gerry Kuse was talking to Tricia and Skippy. He was wearing a 1993 Mike and Rob's shirt, a race that I had my 1/2 IM PR in way back when (it's a small world). It turns out the Gerry and I have raced at several of the same races over the years.

At the carbo load dinner we learned that there would be 675 IronVirgins racing on Sunday. 40% of the racers were attempting there first IM. Wow!

Saturday

My wife flew into town on Saturday morning. I was really glad to see her. She had been so supportive of my training, and she deserves the title of IronMate. She had originally been scheduled to fly up with me on Tuesday, but her school schedule mandated that she stay at home during the pre-race week and attend classes. I often say that you should always have at least one smart person in the family, and I was lucky enough to marry well.

The day pretty much flew by with the pre-race meeting, the parade, packing Special Needs Bags and bike check-in. My nutrition plan was pretty simple - Gu and Cytomax and salt tabs. I had trained with Gu, Cyto and salt tabs over the past 10 months with great results. At the last minute I decided to toss an Okanagan pear into my Bike Special Needs Bag.

A post parade dinner at the Gunbarrel and a walk home were all that I needed for the evening. It was time to get some sleep. Before I drifted off I thought back to my original goals. Oh yeah, I was here to have fun. I was not here to break 14 or 12 or 10 hours, but I still held out for a good race even though I knew that I just wanted to finish. I wish that I would have looked back on my goals more often.

The actual Race Report follows.

Sunday - RACE DAY

I started the day with a 3:00 am breakfast run to Denny's. Ray and I figured that an early breakfast would be useful for us. I had actually slept for about 5 or 6 hours the night before, and I felt pretty good.

At about 5:00 am I gathered my Special Needs Bags and swim gear bag and marched 3/4 of a mile to the transition. I got body marked, Championchipped and went straight to my bike. Even at 0500 the volunteers were friendly and incredibly helpful. I chose to leave my floor pump at the hotel [good choice] - with my floor pump absent from the transition area there were only 1,699 floor pumps in the TA waiting to be used. In addition there was a crew from the Bike Barn with a compressed air cylinder for filling tires. I pumped up my Conti's to about 160psi, loaded my aerobag, filled my jetstream and walked around the corner to the Swim and Run transition bag racks.

The 2 hours from 0500 to 0700 flew by. I chatted with a few friends, revelled in the fact that I was about to start my first Ironman and donned my wetsuit. I did a warm up swim for about 10 minutes in the clear Lake Okanagan. I chatted with Chris Nugent. I high-fived and chatted with Greg Pressler. In Greg's race report he mentioned that he saw "fire in Ron's eyes."  With all due respect, I think that Greg is confusing the "Happy Face" holograms on my goggles with fire.

Meeting the people on this list has been a special thrill, both Greg and I have both been doing tri's for over 10 years, but we had waited until now for our first IM. We both had that "This is finally it" feeling, he went on to an incredible race that he really deserved.

The day before the race, Greg had a great observation about the IMC swim course. "It's an International Distance swim on the way out, a few hundred meters to the right and a 1/2 IM swim on the way home - we have done this before."

Oh Canada was played. I think that I heard some bagpipes somewhere, and the race STARTED!

I was here to have fun so I held back for a few seconds to let the mass of humanity clear out from the start line. I started swimming. I kept thinking to myself "This is so COOL!  I am finally doing an IronMan."  I passed the first set of marker bouys and thought to myself "WOW, I just passed my first set of IronMan marker bouys. This is AWESOME!"

The swim went very well. It was much less brutal than Wildflower, and the course is very well marked. I  was so happy to be racing. I was bumped a few times, I swam over a few folks, I drafted a little and hit some toes and I was drafted off of. I hit the first houseboat (leg 1) in 25 minutes - I was ecstatic. I stopped for a second to adjust the neck of my wetsuit as I was experiencing a little chafe. I made it to the second right turn at 35 minutes - one more leg to go. The swim course is so well marked that I had to do very little sighting - maybe one look every 10 strokes. Basically, the swim was all mine. I focussed completely on how I was doing. If I bumped someone or got kicked it just did not matter. I really enjoyed being out there. I hit the beach and attempted to walk over the annoying rocks.

I looked at my watch - I had completed the swim in 1:06!!!!!!!!

I was expecting to have a 1:20 swim as I have only been in the water 5 or 6 times since Wildflower in May, and two of those times were tri swims. A 1:06 was incredible.

I thought "It cannot get any better than this!"

It did not get any better.

In fact, things got far, far worse.

SWIM TO BIKE TRANSITION

I wore my Speedo and singlet under my wetsuit during the swim, so I only had to don my cycling shoes and helmet. I also stopped to urinate - little did I know that I would not have to worry about that for the next 12 hours. . .

I rolled out of town feeling really good. I had just finished an incredible swim, and I was finally starting on the bike leg of my first Ironman!  I took it easy for the first 5 miles - I figured that I had 107 more miles to make up time. I hit the drops as we hit South Main Street. My first priority was to hydrate and the cytomax was not tasting very good. I spun my way up McClean Road and picked off many people on the downhill - when you weigh 195 pounds downhills are a real rush. My stomach was a little tight, but I attributed that to being so early in the race.

At the bottom of McClean someone was nice enough to tell me that I had lost my pump during the rapid descent. The bracket holding my pump on my bike broken off. "Nothing I can do about it now - I hope that I don't flat."

At about mile 10 my JetStream went dry. I had a bottle of highly concentrated Cytomax on my downtube with markings on the bottle to delineate portions. I shot some Cyto concentrate into my JetStream and filled the rest with water to make a 7% solution. I immediately took a drink from my JetStream. The concentrate and the water had not mixed together, so I got about an 80% solution of Cyto in that mouthful.

I should have pulled off the side of the road and tossed my cookies.

I chose to keep the cytomax concentrate down and chase it with water - it's hard to say, but this may have been a big mistake.

My stomach started cramping big time!  I could no longer drink. I tried to take a Gu, but I could not get it down. 10 miles into the bike and I could neither hydrate nor feed - OH NO!

I tried some different positions on the bike to alleviate my stomach cramps. The aero position put direct pressure on my abdomen which was not feeling too good. I alternated between sitting upright and going aero.

I was still doing pretty good with respect to speed. At mile 41 I took the right turn to head up Richter.

Can someone please tell me why both Wildflower and IMC have a hill at  Mile 41???

At the base of Richter I was still holding a 22.5mph average. Then I started climbing Richter. In the grand scheme of things Richter is not a terrible climb. I ride much worse on my regular training rides. However, Richter is at mile 41 of an IM and I had not eaten much for 3 hours (swim and bike time)

I bonked.

I hurt.

I struggled to the top of Richter,

I cursed the wind.

I quit looking at my heart rate monitor - it just did not matter.

I got passed by most of the people racing at IMC.

I got passed by pedestrians who were walking up Richter.

The downhill after Richter should have been a lot of fun, but I could not hold a good tuck. I only hit 47 mph. The uphill after Richter and the rollers through the Osoyoos were intolerable. I just kept pedaling forward. I stopped at about mile 60 to eat a banana - finally I was able to consume something. I was very happy that it stayed down. I continued to slog forward. The head wind was really causing problems. Even the flat spots were hard to ride. I promised myself that I would take a break when I got my special needs bag. I passed a med tent on the way out the second out and back section. I was very tempted to stop and take a nap.

When I got my special needs bag, I rode to the closest clear spot, dropped my bike and sat down. I  opened my bag. The Gu's were completely unappetizing, but the pear looked great. I started eating my Okanagan pear  - man that tasted good. Unfortunately that was the only good item in my SNB. [Note to Self:  diversify nutrition plans in future long races]. Some saint in one of Jason's IMC-RST jerseys stopped next to me. It was John Welch. He had an extra turkey sandwich that tasted incredible. I could eat! This tall guy with a mustache and a blue Softride stopped next to me. He was not having a good day. My personal saint, Jeff, said "George are you OK."  It was George Ball. Since I was sitting on the ground in close proximity I have to say - George has some big, skinny feet. George was not feeling too good, and he crossed the road to sit down in a chair.

I shouted to a teammate, Gerry Morton, but he looked around at eye level and missed me sitting down. I saw Tri-Baby, and pretty soon Steve "Gibbo" Gibson rolled up. Gibbo looked incredibly fresh. He looked more like he had just started his ride than that he had already ridden 75 miles. Gibbo's special needs bag was missing and he was pretty irate about not getting to his vegemite sandwiches. To be honest, I have tried the stuff and I think that he was better off not having access to his vegemite, but then again I am not an Aussie ;-).

I gave myself 20 minutes of rest at the special needs stop. The first couple of miles felt OK, but soon thereafter my quads wanted to quit (again).

The course turned back onto Highway 3A and started the gradual climb to Yellow Lake Hill. It was really hot and really windy. Then we hit Yellow Lake Hill. I kept telling myself to live only in the moment - forget about the rest of the race - things will get better, but I was really hurting. It became a battle of feet. Instead of pushing to get to the next mile marker, I goaled for the next traffic sign or the next rock on the shoulder of the road. Bit by bit, pedal turn by pedal turn.

Finally, I stopped on the climb and sat on my top tube for a while (I chose not to time myself). Most people were really great. Almost all of the athletes asked if I was OK, and the race marshalls stopped to check on me. I seriously thought about dropping out. I looked at my watch just as it hit the 7 hour mark. I was at mile 90. I did a quick calculation - I had 10 hours to ride 22 miles and run a marathon. 22 mile rides are easy spins during training. I could do this.

I chose not to DNF. I started riding again. I passed some guy who was walking his bike and I decided to do the same. Two teammates passed me as I was walking, my buddy Ray and Tana, who always looks like she is just out doing an easy training ride even though she is hammering along. They made sure that I was OK as the cruised on by. I made it to the aid station at the top of the hill. A volunteer offered me cold, de-fizzed Pepsi. Pepsi was not in my pre-race plan, but then again, walking up Yellow Lake was not in my plan - I took the Pepsi.

The caffeine and sugar boost was amazing. I started riding once again. My stomach wanted to get rid of the Pepsi, but I made it stay down. I passed Ray and I caught Tana. Tana and I chatted for a minute until my specialty arrived - the Yellow Lake Downhill. I expected to cruise with the downhill bias back into town, but after the big downhill the headwind took over again. I slogged back to the transition area.

As I crossed paths with the people already on the run course I tried to assess their condition. Some people looked pretty good, but most were looking pretty tired. I got to the transition area, but I forgot to slip out of my shoes before I handed off my bike. My brain was not working too well.

BIKE TO RUN TRANSITION

Since I was going to wear my speedo and singlet for the run I did not need to change. I went into the changing tent just to sit down for a while. I applied some vaseline and stuck some reflective tape on my speedo. Ray had slipped the reflective tape in my Bike-Run bag (thanks Ray). I ate a little watermelon and drank some water. The watermelon tasted great, but I was worried about it staying down during the run. I left the changing tent to start my first ever marathon.

An Amazing IMC tidbit - I fully expected to have to carry my gear bags to a rack and hang them up. For both transitions you simply leave the gear bag on the ground. A volunteer comes along and gathers up the gear bag and hangs it on a rack - so simple - so easy for the athlete.

THE RUN

My original plan had been to start running slowly and see how things turned out. Running slowly was not a problem - everything was going to be slow. Running fast was unthinkable. I walked the aid stations, drank, ate a little bit and drenched myself with sponges. It was really hot!!

My first mile was an 11:30 and I was really happy. I hit mile 2 in 22:30 - amazingly I was actually picking up the pace (if only slightly). I walked mile 4. At mile 6, I was caught by some guy who wanted ibuprofen. After Vineman I made sure that I had Ibu with me, so I handed him a tablet. We chatted for a while until it became obvious that we knew each other. It was Dennis from RST and Greg Pressler's friend. Dennis pulled me to the run turnaround by alternating running and walking. Dennis kept talking about his Run special needs bag that contained a pair of dry socks. I remembered that my SNB only had Gu.

[see Note to Self from Bike Special Needs bag section - vary the contents of the Special Needs Bag]]

My split time for the 13.1 miles to the turnaround was 3 hours even. My friend Bill ran into and out of the turnaround looking great. He had a mechanical on the bike that cost him almost an hour.

Then I remembered that I had also put a pair of dry socks in my special needs bag. In fact I had brought a pair to Canada just for this purpose. The socks were pretty old, so if I chose not to wear them it was no big deal if I lost them. I was so happy that I had remembered to put fresh socks into my Needs Bag. The socks would only provide a momentary relief, but that moment would be enough. I needed something to brighten my day.

Dennis and I sat down to open our special needs bags. We ripped off our shoes and wet socks. We opened our special needs bags. Dennis pulled out a pair of dry socks.

OOPS!  I had forgotten to pack the socks. I put my sweaty socks and shoes back on. Putting wet, icky socks back on was not the most pleasant feeling. The delivery truck with the chicken soup stopped at the turnaround.

I originally had hoped to be off the course by the time the chicken soup hit the aid stations. I had never envisioned myself only being halfway through the run when the chicken soup came out. Oh well, here I was and the soup smelled good. I sipped a cup and almost hurled. What is manna from heaven for many triathletes just did not sit well with me - I gagged at the first sip.

We started back down the road toward Penticton. The sun was starting to set which meant that it would finally cool off. Ray was just climbing the hill to the turnaround. He was surprised that the turnaround had come so soon - he looked smooth in his running form - nice and steady.

For Dennis and I it was:

Run some.

Walk more.

I ate what little I could at the aid stations.

Ray caught up to us just as we caught up to Bill. Bill had looked great leaving the turnaround, but he was struggling through a low point now. The four of us marched slowly along - it was good to know that every step was bringing us back into town. After a while Bill perked up again, and he and Ray started jogging back to town. Dennis and I kept shuffling along. A mile or two later, Dennis ducked into a porta-potty and I just stopped by the side of the road - the first time that I had urinated in 12+ hours!  Believe it or not it was a major mental boost. I had really been starting to worry about my kidneys.

It became apparent that Dennis had a lot more left in his legs than I did. I wished him luck as he disappeared around a corner. My feet were really starting to hurt. I did not have any blisters or abrasions, but it felt like someone had taken a meat tenderizer to the soles of my feet and my toes. I was almost hoping that a couple of my toes would just fall off so that they would not hurt anymore. I came around a corner and hit another aid station. On the other side of the aid station Ray and Bill were walking slowly. They had dropped their pace in order to wait for me - THANKS GUYS!!!!

At that point we were about 20 miles into the marathon. Two women came running by us like it was a 10K - I wondered where they got the energy from. A few seconds later about 4 guys caught us and they laid out their very detailed plan for breaking 14 hours. It is great to be at a race with sooooo many engineers - almost everyone is incredibly analytical. The plan was pretty simple - hold 11 minute miles and we would break 14 hours, but these guys had even calculated walking zones and rest stops..... To everyone we passed - two of the guys kept on saying - "hop on the 9:00 o'clock express. You can do it."

It turns out that the guys had also shared their plan with the two women who had run by like gazelles. The women had found something inside themselves and they chose to push it hard into town. Unfortunately we passed them about 1/2 mile later as they could not hold that pace that they had charged ahead with.. We left the water line of Skaha Lake and started climbing the rollers. I passed another guy and this time I looked back and saw a Tri-DRS singlet. I introduced myself and finally met Jay Capers.

The group of us was still shuffling along trying to hold 11 minute miles. The detail oriented engineer guys were still calculating our odds of breaking 14.   I dropped off as we went through the Skaha rollers, but I was able to catch the group again on the downhills. Ray and Bill were feeling pretty good, so they pulled ahead. This left me with the two human calculators/cheerleaders. The guy on the right introduced himself. I was not hearing or concentrating very well so I thought that he said his name was "Ralph."  He corrected me that his name was not "Ralph" but  "Rolf" - even my feeble brain was able to decipher that I was running next the "Keeper of the IMC Lodging and Goal Times List"  I introduced myself to Rolf Arands.

The guy on my left said "didn't I give you a sandwich at the bike Special Needs Bag?"  It was John Welch of RST. He had saved me on the bike and he was trying to pull me in for a sub 14 hour finish.

As before - we were shuffling along - only we had picked up the pace to give ourselves a margin of error. We debated about how fast we were running

"do you think this is a 9 minute mile?" "I think it's more like an 8:30" "Yeah right, like we could run 8:30's right now?" "It sure feels like an 8:30"

We turned onto Main Street and hit the aid station. I had to walk and asked Rolf and John to run on. Rolf tried to talk me into running with them, but I was not up for it. The finish line was getting closer, but I was hurting too much - my feet were lodging a formal protest.

I kept trudging along on Main Street. The fans were incredibly helpful. An ironvet on a bike talked to me for over a block - he was very motivating. I promised him that I wouild run again when there were three stoplights to go. Hurricane  Bob Mina passed me and I congratulated him. I started jogging again.

Two blocks from the Hog's Breath I picked up my pace. I ran (actually ran - not jogged) the last few yards of Main Street - high fiving the kids and cheering with the crowd. I could not believe that I was running. The left turn onto Lakeshore Drive was incredible. I ran hard to the finish line and crossed in 14:10:48.

I completed my goal. I had gone from couch to Canada in 10 months. I am an IRONMAN.

POST-RACE:

Two incredible volunteers escorted me from the finish line. Somehow I received my IMC towel, finisher's medal and T-shirt (the correct size - how do they do it?). The ladies escorted my to the line for the massage tent per my request - they stayed with me for several minutes until they were sure that I was OK - they brought me water and some chicken soup. The chicken soup actually tasted great. I had a great massage, and I walked back to the finish line to find my wife who was standing right next to the results tent. It was sooooo good to see her. I got my congratulatory hug (over the snow fence) and I heard how proud she was of my accomplishment. After a very long day that was filled with ups and downs it was very uplifting to hear her words.

I picked up my gear bags, changed into some dry clothes, had my finishers photo taken (remember to wear your finisher's shirt and medal - they look great in the photo), I soaked my legs in a hot tub, and I waited to no avail for some pizza. I then picked up my bike and Winter and I walked back to the Rochester. My eyes felt like they had a salt shaker dumped in them - I had to squint to see anything. Winter was hungry after waiting for me for several hours so we went to the Iguana for a bite - nothing else was open at 11:00pm. Fajitas in Canada are not what I am used to - what is a tomato tortilla anyhow????  My stomach was still in an act of rebellion so I took my meal home to eat the next day. We turned on Channel 11 to watch the 17 hour finishers - there was no way that I was going to make it back to the finish line. The fireworks (like the start cannon) went off a little early. I then realized why my eyes were barely open - I was EXHAUSTED. I passed out almost immediately.

THE DAYS AFTER

I awoke on Monday feeling hungry (finally). My stomach was still a little tender, but I managed to eat.

I was happy to have completed my first IM in such difficult conditions, but I was frustrated that I had fallen apart during the race. 14 hours was much longer than what I had hoped to do.

I contemplated IMC '99. My legs hurt, my stomach still ached and I had not totalled the bills for the cost of IMC '98. I did not want to come back to Penticton again in '99. Then I thought twice - this race has the best organization and volunteers of any race that I have ever done. I want to do better than a 14 hour IM. In a month I would be ready to contemplate IMC '99, but I would not have a month to decide. I chose to submit my application for '99.

The rest of the day was a blur - finisher's merchandise, results book (Vineman and Wildflower's took about 3 months to arrive - IMC's was complete with pictures in about 10 hours), awards ceremony, shopping, packing, meeting friends, handing my bike off to Ray for the drive home. soon it was Tuesday morning and time to fly home.

Back home I evaluated the race. In Penticton, surrounded by IronVets, my finish did not look to stellar. As I reread my goals for the race and talked to non-triathletes I started thinking clearly again:

I have completed every one of my IMC '98 goals.

I am an Ironman.

I am not the same person that I was 10 months ago and I am very, very happy that I did what had to be done in order to finish.

To every IronVirgin out there - good luck training for your goals, and be sure to remember what your goals are!!!!

[auroraphilealis]

Heaven Scent Chapter 3

Heaven Scent | Dan Howell rarely leaves the house unless he has too, too socially awkward to function normally around other people, and generally making his only friends through Louise, a sweet beta who took him under her wing a few years back when they were both still in college. It’s no surprise, then, that the omega has yet to find a mate, despite craving one rather a lot. It’s not until he attends Louise’s birthday party and gets accidentally-on-purpose set up with an attractive alpha named Phil Lester who smells absolutely heavenly that Dan starts to fall into a proper romance, complete with courting and scenting and the like. | Phan | Mature | A/B/O dynamics (Omegaverse fic), Fluff, Getting Together, Eventual Smut, Courting | 5,949 Words this chapter

So I’ve been writing this so fast I’ve just decided to post Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, yikes LOL so I hope you guys enjoy their first date! <3

Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

(Ao3) (Previous)

Chapter Three

By the time Saturday arrived, Dan wasn’t even sure if Phil felt like a stranger anymore. They’d been texting on and off for three days, practically non stop except for work (Phil had strange hours, it seemed, but they hadn’t got around to talking about careers just yet), sleep, and sometimes meals, though Dan had become an expert at texting with one hand while he spooned cereal into his mouth with the other at three o’clock in the afternoon.

They hadn’t gotten around to talking about the more practical sides of each other that came from a first date, but it didn’t seem to matter. Dan already knew so much about Phil Lester that when he started getting ready for his date that night, it didn’t feel like the first.

In fact, it felt more like getting ready to go out with a friend, and if Dan was being honest, he much preferred that to almost any other date he’d ever been on.

Don’t get him wrong, the alpha didn’t feel like just a friend, though. He was someone Dan was quickly finding himself really rather interested in, and he just wanted to know more, and more, and more about him until he’d learned every last thing about Phil Lester there was to know, and while Dan very much so wanted this date to go well… he was quickly finding that he’d be just as okay with it if things never progressed passed “just friends.”

Phil was just… amazing. Dan had learned that the man was incredibly passionate and heartfelt when he wanted to be, ready to defend his opinions against even some of Dan’s more terrifying rants, without ever once backing down. His thoughts were well thought out as well, as emotive as they were backed with reason, a fact that intrigued Dan almost beyond any other; he was used to being the more impartial person in an argument, after all.

On top of all that, though, Phil just had a strange… charm to him when he spoke.

Even through text Dan could feel that same sense of comfort he’d gotten when Phil had talked in person at Louise’s party. He had a way of making you laugh with him when he was being socially awkward, rather than being awkward in return, and it seemed to be the main reason Dan was able to talk to him so easily. He was glad for that, because Dan was used to being the awkward one, but even now when he made strange blunders, Phil didn’t seem to mind.

Phil didn’t seem to mind anything, really. He was more receptive to Dan than almost anyone else had ever been to him, except for Louise and maybe even Wirrow. PJ still gave Dan funny looks from time to time, and while Hazel was endlessly sweet and unassuming, even she didn’t get along with Dan quite as well as the others.

But Phil… Phil was something else, like a puzzle piece slotting into Dan’s life where he hadn’t known it was missing. It sounded cheesy and romantic, something Dan wished he could chalk up to his omega tendencies, but he knew was just part of him. Phil just fit with him, and Dan so, so badly hoped that Phil felt the same way as him.

If he didn’t, well then, so be it. Dan would be just as happy to have Phil in his life in any capacity, even if he was kind of hoping for something more after all the flirting of the last few days.

That was the other thing. They didn’t just share a lot of the same tastes, and Phil didn’t just ignore Dan’s blunders when he spoke and said things that either didn’t make any sense, or would scare anyone else away. No, they also got on exceptionally well. There was a never a dull moment when they were chatting, never a second where Dan didn’t itch to respond, never a message that went unanswered because neither male knew what to say anymore.

No, conversation seemed to flow naturally between them, and they talked like they were old friends, rather than two strangers who’d met at a party just once.

Even without the sexual tension between them, Dan knew they’d made the best of friends, and… that excited him.

Dan had never had a best friend before.

Phil was due to pick Dan up for their date in about an hour, which meant that Dan had just finished a shower and was currently drying his hair, doing his best to contain his urge to reach for a straightner and force it into some semblance of tame. He’d come to terms with his curls months ago, but the nerves of going on a first date made it incredibly tempting to return to a flat iron.

Phil had already seen Dan with unruly curls, though, so the point seemed moot. Dan sighed, somewhat distressed, as he pulled out a hair dryer instead.

Hopefully he could at least attempt to shape it into a form he actually liked, then. The last thing he needed was to show up to his date looking like a rat when Dan wanted nothing more than to make a good first impression on Phil.

First impression… Dan couldn’t help but laugh at the thought, the sound soft as he grinned at his reflection in the mirror. He wore nothing but a towel slung around his waist, hair dripping onto pale shoulders, and he looked a right mess, but he still couldn’t help smiling at himself. After all, this might be a first date, but it wasn’t a first impression. No, somehow, Dan had already won the alphas attentions.

They’d flown straight past first impressions into a collision course with courting.

Proper courting, for the first time in Dan’s life.

The thought still made him giddy, which in turn made it difficult for Dan to wipe the grin off of his face. Omega or no omega, scent or no scent, Dan had still somehow managed to interest Phil, someone who his biology seemed to think was a very, very good match for him, if Phil’s overwhelming scent were anything to go by.

Dan could still smell it, sort of. It had clung to his nose for days, and the memory of it was enough to bring it straight back to him -

Dan’s phone vibrated in the middle of him drying his hair, and he didn’t waste a second in turning off the blow dryer and setting it down.

Phil’s name had just flashed across his screen.

From: Phil Lester <3

surprise! i uhm… might be early

The words sent a zing of surprise up Dan’s spine, and he suddenly spun in the middle of his bathroom to sniff at the air. He had thought he was taking in Phil’s scent a little too strongly to be a memory, but he hadn’t thought that Phil would already have arrived.

As Dan sniffed the air, however, it became more than a little bit clear that Phil was, in fact, already at his door.

Interested heat curled in Dan’s belly at the thought of the alpha being so eager to see him again, and he laughed in delighted surprise as he picked up his phone again.

To: Phil Lester <3

impatient much?

From: Phil Lester <3

… maybe. im sorry! if your not ready i can just wait outside D’;

Dan found himself laughing again despite himself, feeling warmth spread to his cheeks at Phil’s easy response.

Despite being overwhelmingly aware of the fact that Phil was most definitely interested in him, little moments like these still took him by surprise. Anytime Phil had mentioned anything about being anxious to see Dan again this week, Dan had felt something nervous and shy explode in his insides, and now was no different. The idea that the alpha could be so eager, and unafraid to show it, as well as be so soft and kind? That was… novel, to Dan.

He’d had so many guys in his life in the past, and not one of them, alpha or otherwise, had ever been quite like Phil.

To: Phil Lester <3

unfortunately im not but feel free to make yourself comfortable. im sure my house plants’ll appreciate the comapny >:D

From: Phil Lester <3

have i mentioned how much i love house plants?

hurry up, im lonely :’(

The randomly blurted fact didn’t even surprise Dan at this point, and he merely snorted as he dropped his phone back down onto his bathroom counter, and picked up his hairdryer again. He could still smell Phil outside, the alpha’s musk permeating Dan’s flat without him ever having even been inside. Dan inhaled sharply, closing his eyes and enjoying it as he dried his hair.

He honestly wouldn’t mind that scent clinging to his entire life, if he was being honest. It was just so warm and homey, sharp in some ways, but mostly just… nice. Phil smelt nice, and Dan was glad to have the scent near once again.

He just hoped the future would see even more of it.

With Phil waiting ever so patiently outside - by which Dan meant, not patiently at all, considering he wouldn’t stop texting him little thoughts and anxious smiley faces that honestly just made Dan’s stomach flip over - Dan felt even more rushed to get ready, but he did his best to make himself appear presentable.

Once he’d gotten his hair just the way he wanted it, he put away his hair dryer and headed back into his bedroom to get dressed. He’d laid out a nice pair of black skinny jeans in preparation for his date, along with a soft bluey-green v-neck that hugged his neck and chest really nicely. It was meant to be a cold night, so he’d planned to accompany the outfit with his black jacket with the zips all over it to make for a kind of casual, fashiony appearance, considering Phil hadn’t told Dan where they were going yet.

The skinny jeans were… possibly a mistake. Dan had done his best to dry off after his shower, but they were still a nightmare to pull on, and once he’d managed it, he felt kind of winded, sat on his bed with his forehead a little sweaty already. He felt kind of ridiculous when he pulled on his shirt immediately after, and then, after checking his appearance one more time in the mirror, he shrugged on his jacket, grabbed his keys, wallet, and cell phone, and finally ventured out into the living room.

Phil’s scent was even stronger here. Dan could sense him sat just outside his door, and while he’d been nervous before, suddenly he was terrified. What if Phil decided he hated Dan after all? He’d only seen him in person one other time, and Dan was ten times more awkward when you had to deal with him face to face. Surely, this was a bad idea?

Biting his lip, Dan hesitated next to his shoe rack, and stared at the plaster of his door.

Phil wouldn’t be able to scent him. Dan was covered in neutralizing soaps, as he always was.

But he kind of wished Phil could.

From: Phil Lester <3

dan? you ready yet? :’D

To: Phil Lester <3

almost.

are you ready for a bumpy ride? cause im an emotional rollercoaster

From: Phil Lester <3

are you trying to scare me away? cause its not going to work :’P im way too invested now!

i like you dan… please come out?

Dan’s hands were legitimately shaking as he read Phil’s message, unable to believe the words written there were real. It really wasn’t that Dan didn’t have any self confidence, it was just that… it had taken a real hit over the years. He was attractive, sure, but he wasn’t mate worthy, and that… well, that had always bothered him to a certain extent.

He really was socially awkward, and he’d never quite fit in. Being friends with Louise and the others was a miracle. But Phil?

Taking in a deep breath, Dan finally moved to shove his shoes on - black high tops with zips on both sides - and opened his front door.

Instantly, Dan was swamped with the overpowering scent of Phil all over again. Dan hadn’t even caught sight of the man yet, and he could already smell him as if he were pressed right up against Dan. His scent filled Dan’s nostrils in a way that caused him to close his eyes in bliss and inhale.

The sound of a low chuckle had his eyes snapping back open and his cheeks turning red.

Phil Lester was standing up from where he’d been sat next to Dan’s door, wiping away invisible dust stains from his black jeans, and smirking at Dan like he knew exactly what he was doing to the omega. Embarrassed to have been caught so obviously enjoying the alpha’s scent, Dan ducked his head away.

He couldn’t keep his gaze downcast for very long, however, shy smile curving over his features as he peered up at Phil.

The alpha was wearing skinny jeans as well, legs so thin that the dark fabric wasn’t nearly as skin tight as Dan’s were. Somehow, he still looked freaking amazing anyway. His shirt was a red button up, plaid, and long sleeved. Something about it brought out the black of the man’s hair, and - he seemed to be wearing contacts, as the last time Dan had seen Phil, he remembered quite distinctly the thick, black-rimmed glasses he’d been wearing. The sight of Phil without the glasses though was… well, intoxicating, to a certain degree.

Phil’s eyes were so blue, and yet there was green and yellow in his eyes that just made them appear even more beautiful than Dan had previously thought. They were electrifying, and sent a thrill down Dan’s spine as he stared.

“I guess I don’t have to ask whether or not my scent is appealing to you,” Phil chuckled, finally breaking the silence with the line.

Unwilling to back down a second time, Dan merely grinned in return.

“I guess I don’t have to ask either,” he shot back, laughing as Phil’s jaw dropped open in shock at him, before the other male began to laugh as well. “Get it,” Dan joked, “Because I don’t have a scent?”

Phil shook his head, eyes scrunched up in that way Dan had only seen a few times before back at Louise’s birthday party, but which made him look even younger than he already did. His grin was loose and adorable, the tip of his tongue poking out from between his teeth on one side, and he just looked so carefree that Dan wanted to tug him in and kiss him.

He didn’t, wanting to save that moment for some time down the line. Dan wasn’t quite ready for that just yet. He was excited for the chance to be courted.

“You’re an idiot,” Phil joked, poking Dan in the arm fondly once he’d calmed down a little bit, and jerking like he wanted to do more. Dan remembered how tactile Phil had seemed at the party, and wondered if he was in for a treat tonight. He bit his lip, kind of hoping Phil would take his hand, or, better yet, wrap his arm around Dan’s shoulders and pull him in tight against his side.

Phil cleared his throat, dropping his hand instead and licking his lips as he tossed his head a little to readjust his fringe. He looked nervous, which was ridiculous considering he’d only just been teasing Dan a few seconds ago. His sharp eyes caught Dan’s gaze, then, and held.

“So - you’re okay with me being an alpha, right? Because I know that’s kind of a deal breaker for some people, and I don’t hide my scent because of it, but I just wanted to make sure. I know you already knew I was an alpha when you, like, accepted my courting gift a few weeks ago, I just. Things change, you know, when you’re not in the heat of the moment, and I just wanted to make sure,” Phil babbled, the words breezing from his lips as if he’d been holding onto them for a good week straight or something.

If Dan was behind honest, they also shocked him. He hadn’t been anticipating Phil to be worried about his secondary gender when Phil didn’t even know what Dan’s was yet.

The shock was so real, that Dan forgot to respond.

Phil’s cheeks went red.

“I mean, I figured that might be why it took you so long to text me in the first place, is all. I just - I just wanted to make sure, because I didn’t want to make you feel pressured to go on a date with me or anything, and I -” he rushed to add, beginning to look more and more upset the longer that he spoke.

Gently, Dan reached out and grasped tight to Phil’s shoulders in an attempt to still his now agitated shaking, eyes wide as he stared at Phil. His jaw was a little unhinged, he was sure, it was, just - well, this had been the last thing he’d been expecting.

“Phil. It’s - it’s fine, I promise. I’m more than okay with you being an alpha, I swear,” Dan rushed to reassure him, still attempting to blink back his own surprise at Phil’s admittance. “I’m not like, into stereotypes or anything. I uh… honestly, the reason it took me so long to text you was because I was… kind of scared of something similar,” Dan admitted.

It was better late than never, and Dan had meant to apologize for keeping Phil hanging for so long. He sighed, dropping his hands from Phil’s shoulders, and reached up to push his fringe out of his face instead. It dropped right back into place, but it wasn’t actually getting it out of the way that mattered, just the distracting movement of his hands.

Dan looked away.

“I’m not really used to being courted, especially not since I don’t - I don’t exactly broadcast my secondary gender. I was afraid that would be a deal breaker for you, because I don’t…”

Dan trailed off, biting his bottom lip, and then sighed. What had happened to the ease of conversation that usually flowed between the two of them? Sure, they hadn’t really talked about any of the serious stuff yet, but Dan had really been hoping it would transition to the harder stuff too.

Deciding he wasn’t going to be shy about his feelings, Dan finally looked up and matched Phil’s gaze again.

“I prefer for someone to get to know me for me, before they learn to love my - instincts, so to speak,” he explained.

Phil, for a moment, still looked a little unsure, studying Dan like he wasn’t quite certain if the other was telling the truth. Dan could hardly blame him when it was still completely insane to him that Phil could be worried Phil being an alpha was an issue to him, so he let Phil have his moment to digest what Dan had said before he responded.

After another moment, the worry lines smoothed from Phil’s forehead, and the unease left his eyes until he was back to smiling softly at Dan. He looked a little more enamoured than Dan thought he had any right to be, but he wasn’t going to complain when having that look aimed at him was causing him heart palpitations the way it currently was.

“Okay,” Phil finally responded. “Great! So you don’t mind that I’m an alpha, and I don’t mind that your - just you. Now that that’s settled. You look really nice, today.”

A surprised smile bloomed over Dan’s face, and he coughed out a shocked laugh at the ease with which Phil had not only wrapped up their musings, but changed the subject, as if it hardly mattered at all anymore.

Dan supposed it didn’t, when it came right down to it, and merely rolled his eyes at the alpha stood before him.

“So do you,” he agreed, and reached up to straighten Phil’s lopsided shirt collar. A greedy sense of affection and rightness filled Dan at the simple act of cleaning up after the alpha, and he threw the accompanying grin at Phil without a care in the world.

If their texting relationship was anything to go by, let alone the completely smitten look on Phil’s face, Dan had a feeling he didn’t have anything left to be afraid of.

 Their date ended up being a nice walk around the park, something unprecedented and surprising to Dan who’d been expecting - well, just about anything else, really.

Though Phil had encouraged Dan to dress casually, he’d anticipated something more cliche, like a movie date where Phil could make the excuse to make out with Dan in the back corner, or a dine-in where they ate in their car and had the excuse to practically sit in each others laps. When Dan really thought about it, though, not only did he prefer this, but he realized he should have been expecting it.

Phil seemed like an old fashioned kind of guy who wanted to treat his partner right, and didn’t give off the whole, jumping into things too quickly kind of vibe. Dan usually went along with it when his dates got kind of frisky, unable to help it considering for a long time, he’d been an affection starved teenager, but he kind of appreciated the fact that Phil wasn’t really putting the moves onto him.

Not to say that Phil wasn’t particularly touchy, because he was, just not in the usual grabby kind of way that Dan was used to. No, instead, Phil walked just close enough to Dan at all times that their shoulders constantly rubbed, and their hands brushed from time to time. Phil’s scent was a constant, surrounding Dan like a cloud, and yet even that was comforting. It wasn’t overly cloying or aroused, merely that same nice scent that Phil had been exuding since Dan had first met him.

When Dan said something particularly silly, something that usually earned him a funny look, Phil reached over and shoved his shoulder in a joking manner, constantly laughing at the dumb things that came out of Dan’s mouth. When he wanted to make a point of something he was saying, he gently rubbed his hand down Dan’s shoulder to make sure he had the others man’s attention, and used his hands to create shapes in the air. Sometimes, Phil even seemed tempted to catch Dan;s hand in his to hold onto, or wrap his arm around Dan’s waist, and while Dan did his best to make it clear that he’d be okay with that, Phil always seemed to pull back at the last minute.

So Dan decided he was going to have to be the brave one here, and as they approached what Phil said was their primary destination, a large something at the far end of the park from where the two had entered, Dan took the initiative to grasp Phil’s hand in his the next time their fingers brushed, and twined them together.

Phil was cold, impossibly so. He wasn’t what Dan had been expecting, not exactly, but as Phil let out a low, pleased grumble, seemingly instinctively in reaction to Dan’s touch, Dan realized that he didn’t care. He quite liked the way Phil’s long fingers felt against his, the fact that Dan’s palm was clearly just a size bigger, and that Phil’s cool touch matched Dan’s warm one.

He offered the alpha a smile as they continued to walk, and enjoyed the way Phil smiled goofily back at him.

“Okay, so I know it’s nothing special, but uh - here we are!” Phil announced as the two finally approached the shiny object Phil had pointed out to Dan some time ago. Finally turning to properly take it in, and no longer too busy staring at the side of Phil’s face while his own heart raced at the feeling of their fingers being pressed together, Dan felt himself begin to grin all over again.

Phil had brought them to a little gazebo Dan hadn’t even known existed, all lit up with fairy lights and gorgeous in its beauty. It was white, with wicker sides and a solid roof that would surely keep out the weather. Up the small steps where Dan and Phil now stood was a little landing with a long, swinging loveseat, creaking lightly in the cold night air.

There were fairy lights on the inside too, lighting the whole place up in a bright, romantic glow that made Dan’s heart sing.

“How do you know about this place?” Dan asked, already moving towards the gazebo and dragging Phil along with him by his grap on his hands. His foot shook a little as he tentatively placed his weight on the first step, but the gazebo didn’t so much as creak in response, and Dan grinned as he gained the confidence to move up the rest of the steps. For all the time’s he’d been to this exact park, Dan had never actually seen this gazebo before. “Is it new?”

Phil chuckled at Dan’s clear excitement, and followed behind him eagerly enough.

“It’s not new. It’s actually been here for a while, but it was recently renovated. You probably never noticed it before because it used to be a really dull grey color, and it didn’t have the fairy lights,” Phil explained as Dan ran his hands over the silken wood, mesmerized by how beautiful the place looked.

Tugging on Phil’s hand again, Dan moved to settle down on the love seat, and grinned as Phil nervously joined him. Their fingers slipped from each other, but Dan didn’t mind. Phil’s thigh was pressed up against his, their shoulders touching, and Dan’s heart was racing in his chest.

He wished that Phil would reach up and properly wind his arm over Dan’s shoulders, but one quick glance at Phil’s face showed Dan just how nervous the alpha actually was just then. It was pretty comical to Dan, because Phil usually seemed so confident over text, easily swapping from conversation to conversation before any single one could peter out and leave the two with no more excuses to speak.

He’d even so easily flirted with Dan a few times, and yet here they were, in person, on their first date, and Phil’s cheeks were tinted a bright pink. He seemed too afraid to reach out and touch Dan the way he wanted too, and maybe it should have come as no surprise to Dan, and yet it did.

He went to reach for Phil’s hands again, only for Phil to interrupt the movement and start speaking.

“I, uhm. I’m really glad you said yes to a date tonight,” he started, looking nervous all over again as he avoided Dan’s gaze.

They’d spoken so easily on their walk over here. Why was Phil all of a sudden so nervous now?

“Me too. I’ve had a good night,” Dan agreed easily enough, trying to smile at Phil and calm him down, but Phil merely shook his head at Dan.

“No - I mean, yes, me too. I just. The gazebo isn’t the only thing I wanted to show you tonight, and it kind of really had to be tonight, so I’m really glad you weren’t busy or anything,” Phil explained, fingers tangling together awkwardly in his lap as he glanced up and out at the night sky like he was waiting for something. “What I was really hoping for was to share something else with you,” he added, and sighed as he finally looked back at Dan.

“I didn’t want to just take you out to dinner like anyone else might have. I wanted to do something special. So… well, just wait,” Phil trailed off, and offered Dan a gentle smile, “And look.”

Suddenly, Phil was pointing out at the night sky, and Dan turned his head just in time for something loud and bright to explode into the night sky. A huge explosion of red and orange and blue appeared against the dark backtrack, alerting Dan to the sudden Fireworks display as it rather abruptly started from the other side of the park.

Dan gasped at the display, and then suddenly, it seemed like the entire park was being lit up in a show he hadn’t known was coming. Blue’s and red’s, pink’s and orange’s, green’s and purple’s were suddenly lighting up the night sky with no end in sight while Dan stared on in obvious glee. He couldn’t stop grinning, watching as firework after firework went off, even the sound not enough to bother Dan, and he reached for Phil’s leg only to grasp onto it tightly as he leaned forward to stare.

“Holy shit,” he muttered at the same time as Phil’s arm very carefully and very casually found it’s place around his shoulders. Finally.

Phil laughed at the words.

“Does that mean it was a good surprise?”

Dan’s eyes were glued to the fireworks.

“Definitely,” he agreed.

 They ended up watching the show together in absolute silence, Phil’s arm a comforting weight on Dan’s shoulder as he held him close. Dan kept his hand solidly on Phil’s thigh, enjoying the way it seemed to tremble under his hold, but also the fact that it kept him steady as he stared into the night sky. The colors were just so brilliant, and Dan so rarely got to see a show like this, unwilling to go alone.

He’d never had someone to take with him before, so for Phil to take him… well, it was the perfect gift, and Phil hadn’t even known.

From time to time, Dan snuck looks at Phil out of the corner of his eye, fascinated by the brilliant, happy little smile that had seemed to replace his nerves since they’d first sat down. He’d completely lit up since the fireworks display had begun, and it was absolutely brilliant to watch.

It didn’t help that Dan was completely and utterly enamoured with the man already, but the way bright blues and greens and pinks flashed across his face as the show went on only made Dan want him more. Phil was just so beautiful that it was impossible not to keep sneaking looks.

Phil giggled the few times he caught Dan, but Dan didn’t mind because it meant that Phil was sneaking looks at him too. A few times, they even caught each other’s gaze and held it there, unashamed of the way they smiled at each other with giddy looks on their faces.

By the time the show had ended, Dan felt perfectly content, chuckling to himself and almost unwilling to look away from where the fireworks had been only moments before. Eventually, however, he had to, if only to share his glee with Phil.

The little swing they were on was swaying, something Dan hadn’t noticed before now, and he settled back against the seat, Phil’s arm following with him.

Dan finally moved his hand from Phil’s thigh to rest it on his own instead, slightly embarrassed by the proximity with with he’d nearly touched something far more intimate. Even just Phil’s inner thigh felt like a place Dan was not meant to touch so early on in their courtship.

“That was amazing,” he admitted. “How did you know…?” Dan asked Phil, trailing off as he nodded in the direction of where the fireworks had come from. After all, Dan had had no idea any kind of festival was going on.

“My co-workers were talking about. Said he wanted to take his wife to see the fireworks show. London decided to have the summer festival early this year, and I figured, if Dan texts me maybe I could… invite him?”

Phil’s voice sounded so unsure as he explained, his smile a little shy, now, and his hair dipping to hide his brilliant blue eyes. Dan wished he wouldn’t do so, and ended up reaching up to push Phil’s fringe out of his face, if only to see his expression more clearly and make it clear to Phil that Dan wanted to see all of him.

The motion made his heart speed up, especially with the way Phil looked at him right after. He licked his lips, and pulled his hand away.

“And this place?” Dan asked. “How did you know we’d be able to see it from here?”

At this question, Phil really did blush and duck his face, covering his mouth as he laughed at himself. Confused, Dan could only stare, a little nervous, though he didn’t move away.

He quite liked the way Phil was holding him, after all, not to mention the way their thighs pressed so neatly together.

“Well… see, I usually watch the fireworks alone,” Phil admitted after a minute, turning an embarrassed expression back to Dan. “I - I don’t really like crowds, you see, so I kind of just… found this place on my own,” he added. “I used to stand in front of it when it was really run down, but they just re-did it this year and I was really looking forward to being able to sit under it for once. I’m, uhm. Glad I could share it with you.”

Phil lowered his gaze, until he was looking up at Dan from under dark lashes, the small, familiar, confident smirk he’d worn at Louise’s birthday party finally starting to lift the corners of his mouth again as he seemed to begin to posture. The sight was an attractive one, something that caused desire to broil in Dan’s belly. It wasn’t arousal, no. It was want, but not of the physical kind; the emotional kind.

Phil was well and truly winning Dan’s attention, now.

He couldn’t keep his eyes off the alpha as he scented the air a little in front of them, arching his body in a distinct way to show himself off, chest puffed out slightly. Pheromones were starting to fill the air as Phil tried to make himself appear as desirable as possible, all while Dan watched on and felt his own body began to react of it’s own accord.

If it weren’t for his scent blocking soaps… Dan was certain Phil would know he was an omega by now.

As it was, Dan was preening a little, neck arched slightly in submission as he accepted Phil’s vague advances and flirting. It wasn’t submissive enough to give away that Dan was an omega specifically, but submissive enough to show Phil his interest.

“Not bad for a first gift, right?” Phil asked, as it became clear to both of them that Dan was beginning to accept him. His posturing evened out, and he relaxed, beaming as he stared at Dan, arm tightening around his shoulders.

Dan snorted, and rolled his eyes, but leaned in close to Phil anyway.

“Definitely not bad,” he said again, just managing to keep himself from laying his head on Phil’s shoulder. “But I don’t know how you plan to top it next time.”

Phil laughed then, the sound light and airy as it carried through the night air, exuberant. Dan could practically feel it rumble from his chest, and there was a breathless edge to it that made Dan’s stomach curl in the best of ways.

“Neither do I, but I’m hoping you’ll accept it anyway.”

Dan had a feeling he would.

(Next)

[kawaiibeela]

2017 in review... i guess?

so i guess im gonna do this lol... its not really a review of my year but i will talk about a few major personal things over the past few months that happened to me, LONG LONG LONGGGGG POST UNDER THE CUT

a lot of people complained about 2017 being a shitty year, a continuation for 2016..... and i thought it would be too.... and thats how it started.... i was stuck in a crappy job for 6 years.... i wanted to leave so badly but i was also scared.... scared that what if i couldn’t find anything else? scared in my skills as a graphic designer.... i hated all my work and everything i produced from that job, i got comfortable at this job.... i could come and go as i pleased, i could take any day off i wanted.... but they were toxic people, they judged me very hard for liking the things i did, they were very negative about everything, they forced stuff on me that wasn’t part of my job, they made me feel very awkward, they would make “comments” about my religion when it didn’t fit their needs...it was very uncomfortable at times.... i would just lie to myself and to other people when asked “how’s work going?” i would say “not bad, its pretty good, i’m doing some fun events” but i was slowly drowning inside.... my parents and close friends would always tell me “you need to quit!!! just quit!!! find something better!! you’re better than this place” but i never believed it..... i never believed them..... when i should have been listening to them....

i started to tell myself, this is enough.... i cant deal with this place any more.... i started to work on my portfolio website.... but i hated it..... i hated everything about it..... everything in there just reminded me of my old shitty job that i hated... all this effort put into something that i hated... because i was forced to do what the clients wanted, it was frustrating!!

a few years ago, i went to this graphic design conference that was meant to help people find jobs, i went to a portfolio review and all 3 reviewers told me the same thing, the work i put in seem forced and not my style, they said to add stuff i was passionate about and stuff that i enjoyed and my work would speak for itself, every person that i showed my arashi posters too, said it was my strongest piece.... i should use that piece for sure!!

that helped me get a sense of what i wanted!! i deleted everything from my old portfolio site, except my logo which i actually still love, i kept 1 project from my old job which was the biggest and most challenging one i worked on to show that i have real life experience.

i decided to develop my arashi project into a full campaign, i added more pieces, i designed more stuff, for the fun of it.... every weekend for a while in the spring and summer, my friends and i were meeting up at cafes to help focus on stuff, i got a lottttt done there!!! i wanted to focus on stuff that was important to me, fandoms!! duh!! arashi of course, kiramune which had recently at the time become my new loves, and oldcodex!!! i decided to try and make designs based on them for fun!! i took kirafes 2017′s design and I remade it for myself, i imagined how i wanted the goods to look, i imagined how i wanted the posters to look, the pamphlet, and it took forever, but it was fun, it was frustrating but it was rewarding to come up with something i was proud of!! something i was happy about!! something that when i talked about it, i could explain what i wanted to and why i did certain things. 

for the oldcodex stuff, i made an editorial piece, i wanted to reflect their personalities so i just kept trying different things until i was happy!! in the end it came out really great and i was able to do that piece pretty fast as well too!!

i also kept in my portfolio parts of a magazine that i had worked on.... but i wasnt happy with a lot of parts of that magazine too... so i made my own pages to “add in” about the olympics and they came out really nice!!

i was confident in my portfolio for once.... it took months and months of work.... but i was happy about it... i was proud of it.... i was excited about it.... but...... i was scared..... scared i wasnt ready for the next step.... what if i put all this effort into it and im still not good enough? how will i feel then? i also hate going to interviews because of my anxiety as well too....

but finally around the beginning of September, i was actually able to 100% complete my portfolio, my business cards and resumes were also complete...

and i was scrolling down on facebook... and one of my old friends posted something..... we were really close during college, we took graphic design together but as the semesters went on, we drifted apart as well too... it had been probably like 4-5 years since i’d ever talked to her even.... but she posted “looking for a junior graphic designer for a 3 month contract” and i kinda looked at that for a while... i messaged one of my friends about it and said “hmmmm...... my friend just posted this.... what should i do?” and she told me “just message your friend and apply!!! just do it” she gave me that push because she knew how much i hated my current job too!! 

so i messaged my friend and asked her if she could submit my resume to HR.... and she did.... that was on friday.... i was scared.... and nervous.....but then... on a tuesday after work..... my phone rang and i got a call from the company..... its a photography company here in Toronto that has locations across Canada. they wanted me in for an interview.... a what??? wait what??? an interview???? they said they looked at my portfolio and were interested....... ehhhhh??? i was in shock..... but i was so happy too!! but scared..... the last interview i went on was like 2-3 years ago and it went pretty bad......... so i had no idea how this one would go..... the HR person was really nice though... she had told me that i would be interviewed by herself, the marketing manager and the art director.... i was scared as hell..... she gave me their names so i looked them up.... the art director........ he was so good..... his website was so nice!!! i started to lose confidence again but, its funny.... he was japanese.... i thought “oh crap, what if he tries to read parts of my portfolio?” i had used japanese interviews in my kiramune project but i couldnt find stuff for each member so i just copied and pasted, i thought “hes gonna know im just making stuff up” LOL I just kept thinking of useless thoughts in my head..... but i thought.... whatever.... im just gonna do it...... my interview was on thursday, i had called my old job and told them i couldnt work that day and they said it was fine because it was a really slow time... i obviously didnt tell them i was going for a job interview.... but i went anyways, i got there really early so i just sat somewhere and went over stuff i had planned for my interview, i had written stuff down in my journal and was gonna use that as a guideline for when they asked me questions, they asked some things similar to what i had planned but they asked some different stuff too... they were so nice.... throughout the interview they had kept complimenting my stuff, they said everything flowed very nicely and they really liked me work, they had asked me how i got interested in design and i answered the most face palming thing.... i mentioned anime... and i said i used to watch anime and pokemon as a kid and i dreamt of being an animator in japan and then i was like “oh no.... i didnt just tell them im a weeb did it?” and i was like “oh god, my life is over” haha i felt really embarassed ahaha oops LOL but then they were also really impressed by that answer too.... they asked if i had any retail experience and i told them i had experience working at this amusement park after high school too and it helped me deal with customers and stuff too... this was a job i had from like 10 years ago or something, it wasnt even on my resume any more, is just one of those jobs u get to make money.... like..... i thought nothing of it..... but they were SO EXCITED about it when i told them, they were like “wow!!! thats so great!!” they seemed so intrigued in everything i said!! the HR person was like “you seem very energetic!!” and i was like really happy!! no one really compliments me or my work usually haha XD 

towards the end of the interview, they asked if i had any questions for them and i asked them 2 questions and they seemed really impressed too!! haha they were like “those are great questions” haha 

at the end of the interview, i asked for their business cards so i could email them and thank them for taking time to interview me. they thanked me and the HR person said she’d be in touch the next few days

after the interview, i messaged my friend who had helped send in my resume and she said “just between you and me, they came upstairs and i think they really like you” omggg i felt sooo happy haha

on the way home, i remember getting really lost LOL it took me almost like 3 hours to get home i think XD i ended up finding a small japanese store that i bought a bunch of stuff from ahaha

so... i waited the weekend..... it was monday.... and i didnt hear from them.... tuesday went by and i didnt hear anything, i thought i must not have gotten the job, but then wednesday again, i got an email from the HR person, asking if i could email her 2-3 references... which i had none... so i asked 2 of my old coworkers from different jobs and they replied right away too because they also knew i hated my current job ahah so i sent my references and then on thursday while i was at work... i got a call from the HR person saying “i called both of your refernces and they both said wonderful things about you so we would like to offer you the 3 month contract position” like OMGGGG i almost screamed of joy!!! i was jumping up and down outside the office haha XD 

i told this job that i would need 1 week to give my old job a heads up tho, so i could start on the following wednesday

but then i got scared again, i had to tell my current job i was quitting... i mustered up the courage and just told my one boss first, she was so happy for me, she gave me a hug and she wished me all the best too!! but then i had to tell the owner of the company and his wife, theyre both assholes so i didnt wanna tell them, but my 1 coworker helped me figure out how to tell them.... so i told them and they were unhappy but i told them id help for 1 last event (until the end of october) they appreciated that at least 

so that following tuesday was my last day being in office at that crappy job i hated!!! i literally left there SKIPPING with a HUGGGEEE grin on my face!! i would never have to go back to that horrible place again!!! omg i was soooo happy!!!!

im getting tired of writing all this now LOL so im gonna fast forward a bit, but the new job was amazing, people there loved me and they were so appreciative of me, it was a huge 360 turn!! 

i was working at this new place but then in the evenings id help at my old job by working from home, that was horrible, i couldnt deal.... after that last job at my old work was done, i told them i couldnt help out any more and theyd have to find a new designer.... after 6 years of working there.... 6 FRIKKEN YEARS!!!!!! i told them i was probably going to have my contract extended and i told her i was so excited and she messaged back saying “thats not good for us but anyway congrats” like WTF BITCH!!! I HELPED YOU OUT SO MUCH!! I WAS SO NICE TO YOU!!! GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE!!! I CANT EVEN WITH YOU!! LIKE OMG!!! i told her id send her files that i worked on and she replied 2 days later that she’ll download them later my last message to her was just “k” i was SO FUCKING DONE!!!! I HATE HER SO MUCH!!!

ANYYYYYYYWAYYYSSSSSSS...... fast forward another few weeks?months? my manager told me that she was able to get me to job full time..... FULL FUCKING TIME........ this was my first EVER full time job that related to my career, the old crappy one was never full time.... this is the first one ive had thats full time and ill get benefits and vacation and everything!! like OH. MY. GOD. i left work SOOOOOO happy!!! i actually CRIEDDDDD tears of joy!!! i couldnt believe it!!! i cant believe it!!! like omg!!! they all congratulated me!!! they were so proud of me!!! i was proud of me!!! i told my parents and i think for the first time in mine and their life, THEY were proud of me!!!! like it was amazinnnnggg!!! its still amazing!!!! we had a work lunch party and my manager was like “id like to take this time to officially tell you all that Nabeela is now full time with us” and they all raised their glasses and cheered to that too!!! like OMGGGG I WAS SO HAPPY!! (also hella embarassed since im still awkward af!!) but SO SO HAPPY!!!!

HONESTLY GUYS...... i am 30 years old now..... 30........ its NEVER too late..... nothing in life is set in stone..... no matter how 1 person does things, doesnt mean you have to be like them too....you can always do things at your own pace!!! sometimes things dont go as you imagine them but things WILL AND DO get better!!! things will be alright in the end!!! thats how i ended my 2017 and started my life as a 30 year old obaa-chan XD 

theres a lot of goals and things id like to work on for 2018 but i hope 2018 will even better for me and all my friends, family and followers!!!

if any of you actually got through all of this, then im so sorry and also thank you so much for reading LOL to all my friends who supported me through this hard moment in my life, thank you very much!! 

if any of you are curious about my portfolio, you can check it out at www.nabeelahamid.com ^__________^ thankssss!!! if any of you guys are designers too, tips or positive criticism is always welcome too!!

to all of my friends and followers who are already in 2018, HAPPY NEW YEAR AND I WISH NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR ALL OF YOU!!!!! and to those still in 2017 like me, lets bring in the new years together!!!

[uniformbravo]

uhh first day of school post

it was fucken hot

seriously why did it have to be 110 degrees right on the week when i start having to go outside again bye

every semester the first thing i say is “i’m never taking an 8 am class ever again”

the second thing i say is “i’m never taking a class on the third floor ever again”

this semester, somehow, through a cruel twist of fate, i have ended up failing both resolutions with two classes each (two classes are at 8 am; two classes are on the third floor; one of them is at 8 am on the third floor)

((i only have 3 classes, there is overlap in the above description))

painting class was cool the teacher was cool i have to pick between oils & acrylics by next tuesday & i have no idea what i want to do

it was super awkward the whole time bc i sat next to this girl & then a couple other girls came in and sat on the other side of me and it was very clear they all knew each other and i could tell the first girl wished she was sitting w/ them but i was too nervous to offer to switch bc there was never a time that felt right so i just spent the whole class feeling like i was in the way so that wasn’t very.... fun

second class was intermediate drawing & ok

this guy is fairly new to teaching, says he graduated calarts a few years ago, and he seems nice & everything but i got the distinct impression that he doesn’t really know how to run a class

which is totally fair since he’s so new to it

but our first assignment is to “revisit” the final from the last art class we took & basically do it again???

not like a literal recreation of exactly what we did last time, he said he wanted us to like do it differently? have more fun with it?? add our own interests into it??? make it represent ourselves????

the more i think about this the more questions marks happen

he did not explain it well

he said he wants to use this to kind of gauge where everyone is at in terms of skill level, but couldn’t he just have done that by having us....... actually...... you know......... bring in our finals from the previous classes........................ instead of having us redo it....................................

this is literally the final project we’re talking about, the big thing that’s due at the end of the semester, the thing we were each given weeks to work on, and when does he want this in by? 

wednesday

as in 2 days from now

wednesday

and we were all like “uhhhh can we have some time to work on it in class”

and the thing is, he didn’t even have a set due date, he’s treating this class like a democracy so whenever we were like “so wait when do you want this by” he’d be like “idk what do you guys think?” like i dont know dude!!! you’re supposed to have this shit figured out, we don’t know the scope of the assignment we don’t know the amount of work that should go into it, we don’t know how long it’s going to take, that’s supposed to be on you!! what the hell,

the whole thing was very

unclear

we were all trying to figure out what the fuck he wanted from us and as soon as it started turning into “yeah just bring it in by wednesday” we were all like panicking like “you want a finished recreation of our last class’ final project in two days” so we managed to amend it so we’d have the first half of wednesday’s class to work on it but still jesus??? the whole thing ended with him saying “just bring in a drawing on wednesday, does that sound good?” uh no not really 

u want to gauge our skill level but ur only giving us 2 days to show it

buddy ur getting a pencil sketch of an idea that could be cool if i had more time to like refine it n shit

also just because i want to reiterate: if u wanted to see our current skill level why didnt u just have us bring in some of our previous works

like what the fuck

what

aaanyway despite all my complaining i think this could be an.... interesting class??? this is for intermediate drawing by the way, which is the class that i was like “boy i hope this is more interesting than beginning drawing” and hoooo

he said he wants to focus heavily on “conceptual art”, u know, art that has meaning n shit, he explained it as having something to say about the world or something like that, which is. cool i guess. the main thing i kinda latched onto was when he said he wanted to make the class enjoyable for everyone and have us doing drawings we’re interested in, so if the class can follow through on that promise then i’ll be good to go but if he pulls a “every drawing has to have some deep meaning and commentary on the world around us” then i will be. unhappy

i dont even know if he actually does drawings?? i mean he’s from calarts so obviously he has to have done art for that but like when someone asked if he’s gonna show us some of his work he was basically like “um yeah, but i don’t really have a lot, im more into exploring ideas for art than actually making it” and he said he’s into performance art so it’s like. that’s really cool & im happy for you but just curious why are you teaching a drawing class then. like a legitimate actual question tho, how does this class relate to what you do and how u gonna teach us if ur not putting these things into practice yourself

i realize im being kinda harsh because i only spent maybe a little over an hour in this class today so this is really just first impressions talk, like. i could be hugely underestimating him, maybe he is a fantastic teacher and i’ll have a lot of fun with this class??

but even as i type that im remembering other things he said, like how the assignments aren’t gonna be like in other classes where you’re told specifically what to draw or like how the lecture portions are gonna be like a seminar where we discuss art-related topics

it’s just super unconventional and it seems really experimental on his part like he really doesn’t know what he’s doing (which, again, understandable since he’s new and all) so it’ll probably just end up being the weirdest art class i’ve ever taken

and a couple years ago i’d probably have really really hated it just based on the lack of guidance alone, i could see a genuine complaint of this class being “it doesn’t feel like the next step after all the technical work and learning we did in beginning drawing”

but at this point im really intrigued and willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, and i’d rather treat it like an experience than a poorly structured class

and maybe that’s easier for someone in my situation to do since i didn’t really care all that much about this class in the first place so i didn’t have any expectations for it to meet anyway

im literally just taking it to fill my requirements so if it turns out to be an interesting experience then all the better, as long as i can pass

Side Note About The Grading, By The Way

the syllabus has a grading system listed

an A is described as “outstanding work, which exceeds guidelines of assignments, shows technical prowess, creativity, expression, intelligence and personal growth”

a B is “high quality work which meets the guidelines of the assignment”

like is it just me or shouldn’t the latter description be just fine to receive an A??? u did what u were supposed to and it was “high quality” like that is. the definition of an A assignment, the first description should be for an A+ like legitimately is this just me or

and then for a D it’s like “poor quality, little effort or understanding of the assignment” the “understanding” part is throwin me off like if the student didn’t understand the assignment then maybe u should explain it better for them?? i can see poor quality and low effort being good reasons for a low grade but not understanding seems a little unfair

im just getting into specifics now tho

i think im done talking abt this class now

hoo boy

an interesting first day to say the least