#posting pressure stuff soon I promise

[idunnowhattowriteheretbh]

Hello

I may haven't posted in a while-

But I have sum art

Say hello to my Pressure oc that I didn't almost forget to share

I haven't thought much details about em yet and this design is probably gonna change a bit

I didn't have any octopus reference while drawing it so I'm gonna change it slightly

Also they have luminescent scales

I'll draw more stuff for em soon and try to figure out more details for em lmao

[ktownshizzle]

Love & Lullabies | Part 5

✎ ˎˊ˗ Pairing: Min Yoongi x female Reader

✎ ˎˊ˗ Summary: What begins as a simple favor for your best friend Namjoon soon pulls you into the rhythms of Yoongi’s life—afternoons spent caring for his son, late nights filled with candid conversations, and a connection neither of you thought you needed. You’re just fresh out of a long-term relationship with an ex who didn’t want a family with you, so did you really just stumble into a life you’ve always dreamed of? (Thank god Namjoon isn’t the only one who’s clumsy.)

✎ ˎˊ˗ Alternatively: It’s 2025 and BTS is prepping for their comeback. All members seem to have gained muscle weight from their time at camp. But Min Yoongi has gained a different kind of weight—an 8-pound baby and a fuck-load of responsibility. (Thank god you’re there to help him.)

✎ ˎˊ˗ Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut, idol!au, Acquaintances to Lovers, Reader is Namjoon’s bestie

✎ ˎˊ˗ Warnings: Yoongi is a DILF (!!!) That’s it.

✎ ˎˊ˗ Chapter warnings: Sex. Minors DNI. Also, barely proofread, sorry for any mistakes!

✎ ˎˊ˗ Word count: 3.8k

✎ ˎˊ˗ Posting date: February 1, 2025

✎ ˎˊ˗ Notes: Sorry it has taken me a while to get this part out. But I think you’ll like it. *fingers crossed* FULL TAGLIST TO FOLLOW. Sorry, I'm in a rush today. This is inspired by an ask/prompt sent by @yoongznme. 

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four | Part 4.5 | Part Five | Masterlist

A fancy hotel takeout sits untouched on your kitchen counter, the smell of roasted garlic filling the small space. You glance at the clock—6:47 PM.

Yoongi promised to take you to dinner, but given the circumstances, a quiet night in felt more appropriate. Safer for him. After all, the media has been relentless since the Dispatch scandal dropped close to midnight like Cinderella’s kitten heel at the ball.

You’re kind of pissed, actually. Scratch that—you’re furious. Just when it felt like you finally had Yoongi—finally had the chance to explore whatever this was between you—this bullshit had to rear its ugly head. A photo of his kind of ex leaving his building was enough to set the internet on fire, and now it felt like the flames were creeping dangerously close to your life.

You’ve talked to him once today, and even that conversation was clipped. A text from him at 5 let you know he was about to leave HYBE and swing by his place first. “Be there by 7,” he’d said.

You stare at the pristine takeout containers, willing yourself not to spiral. You’re not that person anymore. You’re not the insecure girl who lets her emotions run wild over things she can’t control. You’ve done too much good work to let this unravel you.

“You’re fine. You’re fucking fine,” you mutter under your breath, pacing the kitchen.

Your phone vibrates on the counter. Namjoon. Always coming to your rescue at the right time.

“Hello?”

“You doin’ okay?” Namjoon asks, his voice calm but laced with concern.

“Define okay,” you quip, though your voice wavers slightly. “It’s been a lot.”

“I figured,” Namjoon says gently. “That’s why I’m calling. Just wanted to check in. Yoongi’s been swamped today, and I know how this stuff can mess with your head.”

You exhale slowly, grateful for the concern but also acutely aware of the simmering emotions just beneath the surface. “I’m trying, Joon. Really, I am. It’s just… exhausting. The waiting, the overthinking, the noise. I just want to know where I stand with him, you know?”

“He’ll tell you,” Namjoon assures you, his voice steady. “Just… don’t let the noise get to you.”

You swallow hard, his words striking a chord. “Thanks, Joon. Really.”

“Anytime,” he says warmly. “And hey, take it easy on him tonight, okay? He’s under a lot of pressure, but trust me, you’re his priority.”

“Will do, dad,” you tease, and for the first time all day, you feel a flicker of lightness.

“Bye.”

You set the phone down, Namjoon’s words lingering in your mind as you glance at the clock again. 

You think about Yoongi and the kind of pressure he must be feeling now. You can take care of him tonight. He deserves it.

You’re rearranging the pillows on the couch, trying not to glance at the clock again for the hundredth time. It’s not even about tidying the place anymore. It’s about occupying your hands, distracting yourself from the swirling mix of emotions in your chest.

Then, the doorbell rings.

7:01pm. 

You take a breath, smoothing your sweater. Calm. Casual. You’re fine.

You open the door.

And there he is. Yoongi stands in the dim light of the hallway, a dark jacket zipped up to his collarbone, a black mask shading his face, somehow directing the focus on the exhaustion in his eyes. But what caught your attention is his hair—slicked back with a little sprout of inky locks on top.

He scratches the back of his neck, suddenly looking bashful at the heat in your gaze.

Christ. He looks good. Criminally.

He steps in. “Hi,” he says softly, his voice carrying that calm rasp you’ve missed.

Your heart clenches. “Hi,” you reply, your tone quieter than intended. You clear your throat, stepping back to let him in. “Come in.”

He steps inside, pausing in the entryway as he glances around. 

You then notice the bouquet in his hand—gorgeous white roses and baby’s breath wrapped in brown paper. 

He hesitates, scratching the back of his neck as his eyes flick over your face. Something in your expression must’ve softened, because he quickly averts his gaze.

“I brought these,” he says, holding them out a little awkwardly.

Your chest tightens, a strange warmth spreading through you. “You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.”

When you reach out to take the bouquet, your fingers graze his, and the contact lingers for just a second too long. Impulsively, your free hand rises to cup his cheek. Maybe it’s too much for whatever the hell this is between you, but the moment feels too honest to stop yourself.

“Are you okay?” you ask softly.

Yoongi freezes under your touch, his dark eyes widening ever so slightly. Then, as if the tension in his shoulders breaks all at once, he leans into your palm, just a fraction, and the smallest, most heartbreaking smile tugs at his lips as his eyes flutter close.

“I am now.”

You head to the kitchen, busying yourself with a vase to give the flowers the best chance to survive. You do not have a green thumb, so you pray to the gods the beautiful arrangement does not wither overnight.

“Hungry?” you ask, not turning around. “I bought chicken, shrimp fried rice, and some random banchan.”

“Yeah. Thanks,” Yoongi replies, his voice closer than you expect. You glance back to find him leaning against the counter, watching you with an unreadable expression.

You place the vase on the counter and fold your arms. “So,” you start, forcing lightness into your tone. “Survived the day?”

“Barely,” he admits, a tired smirk tugging at his lips. “Had to dodge more cameras than usual. Sat in meetings for a couple of hours. Si-hyuk personally called Sung Kyung’s agency. They assured me that they will investigate thoroughly. I couldn’t eat. I get home and there’s still press camping out. So yeah, shit day and I almost didn’t make it out alive.”

“That’s the longest response I’ve ever gotten from you.” You tease. “You really must be stressed out.”

Yoongi chuckles and for a moment, it feels like the tension that’s been hanging over you both all day melts away. 

You go around the counter and stand facing him where he’s sitting on your bar stool. He parts his legs and you immediately take that space, crowding him a bit more by placing your hands tentatively on his shoulder.

His eyes, warm like molten chocolate, meet yours. “How about you?”

You hesitate, suddenly feeling a little exposed. “I’m fine,” you say, though the tightness in your chest betrays you. “I mean, it’s not like this is new territory for you, right?”

“Doesn’t mean it’s easy,” Yoongi says quietly. “And I don’t like that you’re sort of affected by it.”

“I can handle it,” you reply, trying to sound more confident than you feel, projecting strength since he looks a little broken right now.

Yoongi’s lips press into a thin line, like he’s not entirely convinced. 

“I kinda knew what I was getting into when I knocked in your studio yesterday,” you say softly. “And I’d do it again. For you.”

His eyes widen slightly, surprise flickering across his face at your admission before it softens into something else. Something deeper. “For me?”

You nod, feeling the heat rise in your cheeks. “Yeah. For you.”

For a moment, he just looks at you, like he’s trying to figure out what to say. Then he straightens up from his slouch, taking one of your hands from his shoulder, pressing his lips softly against your pulse point.

“Dinner first,” he says. 

“Then what?” you challenge.

Yoongi just grins, eyes crinkling at the corners. 

As you sip the last of your drink, you steel yourself to ask the question that’s been bugging you all day. “So,” you say finally, broaching the topic. “Sung Kyung.”

Yoongi pauses mid-bite, his eyes flicking to yours. He sets his chopsticks down carefully, leaning back in his chair. “What about her?”

You take a steadying breath, forcing yourself to look him in the eyes. “Namjoon told me you’re co-parenting. But I need to hear where you two… stand?”

Yoongi exhales slowly. “Yeah, we’re co-parenting. That’s it. I don’t have any intention of getting back together with her. At all.” His voice is calm but firm, leaving no room for doubt. “I want Haneul to know his biological mom, but she and I—we’re done. That’s been over.”

Relief washes over you, but before you can fully settle into it, you notice the shift in his expression. His jaw tightens, and his eyes dart briefly to the table before returning to yours.

“There’s something else,” he says quietly, the words heavy with hesitation.

Fuck. You don’t like the sound of it, but you ask anyway. “What is it?”

Yoongi sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. “A few weeks ago… she kissed me.”

Your stomach twists, and the room feels suddenly colder. “What?”

“I put a stop to it immediately,” he says quickly, his tone insistent. “I told her it couldn’t happen again, that if she wanted to keep seeing Han, she had to respect that boundary. And she has. She knows where we stand.”

You don’t respond right away, staring down at your plate as you try to process his words. 

Oh my god. This is so fucked up. You knew Sung Kyung’s reappearance wasn’t as harmless as it seemed, but hearing it confirmed still stings.

“I just thought…” you start, but the words trail off.

Yoongi’s voice is soft but steady. “You have every right to be upset.”

“Do I?” You think out loud. “We’re not…” You nod slowly, pushing your chair back. “I… need a minute.”

When you get to your bathroom, you release a long steadying breath. You stare at your reflection in the mirror, hands gripping the counter tightly. Fuck. You’re okay. This is–

A knock sounds at the door, startling you.

Yoongi’s voice is muffled as he says your name, but it’s gentle as can be. “Can I come in?”

You glance at the lock and realize, too late, that you forgot to turn it. The door creaks open, and there he is, standing in the doorway, his expression a mix of concern and something softer.

He steps inside, closing the door behind him and his arms immediately slide around your waist. The warmth of his touch seeps into you, and you meet his gaze through the mirror.

“Hey,” he murmurs against your hair. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

You lean back against him, the tension in your shoulders easing but just slightly. “I just… I don’t know how to feel about it.”

“That’s fair,” he presses his lips to your temple. 

“But I need you to know–” presses another on your cheek.

“That I don’t want anyone else–” presses the last where your neck and shoulders meet. 

“Just you.”

Your heart clenches at the sincerity in his voice, and when your eyes meet again in the mirror, the tenderness there leaves you so breathless.

Before you can second-guess yourself, you turn in his arms, your hands sliding up to his face as you pull him down for a kiss. His fingers tighten on your waist as he deepens the kiss, pulling you flush against him.

You walk back to your bed, lips fused with his, your fingers tangled in the soft strands of his hair. The urgency between you grows as you push him down onto the mattress, his back hitting the sheets with a quiet thud. You follow immediately, straddling him, your body molding against his as you capture his lips again. The kiss is deep, consuming, his hands gripping your waist like he’s anchoring himself to you.

You stay like that for a while, tongues teasing, breaths mingling, drunk in the taste of each other. Then, a sharp pull of his lower lip between your teeth has him groaning into your mouth.

You’re driven by lust, and something else. A possessive demon seems to be overriding your better judgment, thinking you’ve been timid with your feelings for long enough. No woman, not Sung Kyung, even if he is Han’s mom, can take what you and Yoongi have been building up to for so damn long.

“You’re in your head,” Yoongi says, nudging his nose against yours.

“Did she kiss you like this, huh?” The words leave you before you can stop them. Your lips return to his, sucking greedily, staking your claim.

Yoongi’s breath shudders as you pull back just enough to meet his eyes. “No, baby.” His voice is rough, lips pink and swollen.

Your fingers slide under his shirt, pushing the fabric up and over his head, tossing it aside before your hands explore the newly exposed skin. He’s warm, toned beneath your touch, and the way his muscles tense under your fingertips only spurs you further. You lean down, lips dragging along his jawline, open-mouthed kisses trailing down his throat. He tastes sweet, salty, and entirely intoxicating.

“Did you fuck anyone else when I left?” you mumble against his skin, your teeth grazing the sensitive spot beneath his ear.

His breath hitches, “No, shit. No.”

“Good boy.” You hum in satisfaction, your lips venturing lower, your tongue flicking against the hollow of his throat. He groans, head pressing back into the pillow.

“Baby, you’re making me lose my shit right now,” he grits out, his voice strained, desperate. His hands now get braver, sliding underneath your top to fondle your tits. 

Maybe you’re delirious. Maybe you’re too turned on to think straight. Or maybe—maybe this is exactly what you’ve wanted since the moment you saw him again.

Your hand drifts down, fingers tracing the outline of his hard length through his trousers, feeling the way he twitches under your palm. 

“You’re mine, okay?” you whisper, nipping at his bottom plush as your fingers give his dick a squeeze.

He exhales a shaky laugh, his lips curving under yours. “Yours.”

He lets you revel in your greed for a few moments, allowing you to do whatever you pleased as you lose yourself in the heat building between you.

He ruts up towards your hand, grunting slightly. Honestly, he’s so hard, it’d be a mercy to release him from the confines of his jeans. So you do, helping him unbutton, unzip, and undress, until his cock springs free and flops on his stomach.

What a pretty dick. Literally lickable—solid, girthy, veiny, a bead of white pooling at the slit. You take him in your mouth, tracing the tip with your tongue, the taste of pre-cum coating your throat. You let drool cascade down his length, slick fingers pumping his shaft while your mouth suctions his mushroom head.

His hand goes to the back of your neck, guiding you in a bit more. “Mmm… that’s it, baby.” 

Yoongi moans your name as you go faster. You feel him twitching inside your mouth. He’s so hard but you don’t want him to cum yet. You pop him off to lap at the base, before your tongue travels upward to trace the thick veins on the underside of his cock. 

Jaw slack, his eyes are dark, dark as he observes you while propped up on his elbows. “Come up,” he says when you reluctantly pull away. “Wanna eat you out.”

Your clothes are yanked off your body as you take his place on the cushions, not a single piece of fabric now separating your skin. He takes you by the hip and adjusts your position so he can get his face close to your mound. Before you can mentally prepare yourself, he shoves his hot tongue against your folds, locating your clit in 0.001 seconds and you know you’ll be careening off a cliff in no time.

“I—Yoongi, that’s… shit that’s nice.” You can’t help it. It does feel nice.

You reach for the little ponytail on his head, gripping it for dear life. He hums against your bud when you pull, the vibrations only driving you more insane.

“You taste so good baby,” he mumbles.

“Yeah?”

“I can eat you out for days, make you cum,” he vows, delirious just like you are. “Over and over… my favorite fuckin’ snack.” 

“Oh my god, Yoongi…”

He feasts, and feasts, and soon enough, you’re shuddering in ecstasy, hips bucking in the process, as he slurps all you give him. He wears your cum like a gloss as he comes up for air, a lazy but proud smile on his face.

You reach for the drawer on your nightstand and pull out a new, sealed, and unopened box of condoms shoving it on his chest. He holds it in one hand, nose scrunching as he suppresses a laugh.

“Someone prepared…”

You shrug as he plucks one and unwraps it quickly, “What?”

“Nothing. You’re too cute for me.”

“Shut uppp.”

He rolls the condom on his dick, propping one hand by the side of your face as he uses the other to rub his blunt tip against your entrance. Your pussy is drenched and he slips right in and bottoms out with a grunt against your ear. He’s thick and big against your walls.

A smack against your ass cheeks makes you clench. “Ah, shit.” And another one lands before he soothes it with a gentle massage. 

You’re going crazy but you need him deeper. Sensing your needs, Yoongi pushes the back of your knees higher and snaps his hips with more force, pounding your pussy as your bed creaks against the wall. Your lids are heavy but you keep your eyes open long enough to see how fucked out he looks, cheeks flushed pink with a coat of sheen on his forehead, teeth caging his lower lip.

“You’re so hot. I wanna ride you,” you declare, stuttering a bit from his thrusts.

“Yeah?” He pants, slows the roll of his hips, waiting for your confirmation. 

When you nod, he slips off with a wince and you feel your juices trickle down your skin. You reverse positions, mattress dipping as you shift your knees on each side of his hips. 

“Do your thing, baby,” he urges, lacing his fingers behind his head, elbows bent outward in a relaxed pose.

Your smile is watery as you use his tip to prod against your clit one or twice before you sink him inside your wet heat. You moan in unison when you're fully seated, the feeling of him snug and warm and so full inside you driving you mad.

You tip your head back, palms planted against his chest as you swivel your hips in a slow dance. 

You look down on him, hair cascading over your shoulder, and you think how much you like this view. And how you won't mind this view everyday, actually. Seems the possessive streak from earlier still has not satiated. 

“Shit—you’re so hot like this.” 

You rock against him, clit stimulated deliciously as you ride his cock. He’s got a cocky little grin as you use him. You throw your ass back, and he has a front row seat and VIP access to your bouncing tits, his tongue slack on the side of his lips. He cups your tits with both hands, the wet pads of his thumbs rubbing against your nipples.

“My turn,” he grabs hold of your waist and thrusts upward so roughly your eyes roll back in pleasure.

He pistons into you, finger digging on your skin to keep you in place and a long moan rips from your throat when he jerks up particularly hard.

Your hands slip to his shoulder as your body bounces by the force of his movements, tits sliding against his chest. His thighs must be burning and when he slightly lets up, you dip your head, shamelessly to lick the side of his face, moaning his name against his ear. 

“Baby—” you beg, not really saying what you need, but he knows.

He uses a sweaty hand to guide a tit in his mouth, suckling at it with a bit of teeth. 

Not a moment later, he’s fucking you again from below, deeper, faster, and when rapidly presses into your sweet spot, you’re a goner.

“I’m close, Yoongi. So close…”

“Me too, baby,” his voice is rough as he lets go of your bruised nipple, brows furrowed in concentration like he is fully intent to give you the orgasm of your life. He pushes into your depth relentlessly, 

White hot heat is blooming inside you, and you feel his cock throb, abs tightening, before he spills his seed in the condom, groaning with his eyes shut to savor the intensity of his release. It’s the pure unadulterated pleasure painted on his face and his deep delicious moan that tips you over the edge, too, clenching against his solidness as you slip into the sinful pleasure of your orgasm.

Chest to chest, you rest your full weight against him, softening dick still nestled inside you. You press your lips against his neck, feeling the vibrations of his throaty chuckle. Then he asks, “Was it good?”

“So good.”

“Mm.” He hums, nosing the side of your face so you’d look at him. “Did you really mean what you said earlier?”

“Which one?”

“That you, uh, despite everything, you’d do it again, for me.”

You start to feel a bit shy, but then you remember you’re literally naked. On top of him. And he is still inside you. The point of bashfulness is long past. It’s time for the truth. “Yeah.”

“Bold of you, no?”

“Dumb, too.”

He pushes an errant hair behind your ear, eyes still glazed from the sex, but fond. “You know I really like you, right? If it isn’t painfully obvious.”

“Me too, Yoongi. Since Stan. Maybe even earlier.”

“Will you be my girl, then?”

Yoongi watches you carefully, waiting for your response. The earnest curve of his lips, the slight scrunch of his nose, the way his fingers still rest on your waist like he’s afraid you’ll slip away—it’s all so achingly real.

You study him for a moment, letting yourself take it in. Everything about him—his caring nature, his tenderness, his immense love for Han, his ability to drive you absolutely insane and still make you feel like you’re the only person in the world who matters.

The outside world is still in chaos. The scandal, the noise, the questions that neither of you have all the answers to yet. But here, in your little apartment, wrapped in the warmth of him, none of that feels as important as this.

“I will,” you finally say, voice steady.

His breath catches, just for a second. Then, his lips spread into the softest, gummiest smile you’ve ever seen.

“Yeah?” he murmurs, almost like he’s making sure he heard you right.

You nod, “Yeah.”

Your lips meet for a gentle kiss that feels like a promise and the rest of the world falls away. For now, no matter what comes next, it’s the two of you—finally honest, finally sure, and finally together.

:]

A/N: YASSSS. Our babies have finally figured it out. How do you feel right now? Would love to hear your comments! 

Thank you for reading, you lovely, beautiful human! Xo

P.S. Am gunning for 1,000 followers before Yoongi’s birthday. :) I think I’ll get there with your help. Feel free to reblog the story if you like, and that can help more people find our lovely L&L couple.

Love you!~

Permanent Taglist (Part 1)

@wonh0oe @hyukaluve @glossdebut @kiki-zb @kookiewithluv

@agustblog @maryhopemei @perfectiondazesworld @kimsaerom @kam9404

@00-sleepdontweep-00 @tea4sykes @mggv97 @marnz1990

@whydoeyecare @pastelmin @tarahardcore @minjenna @chimmchimmm

@aaclariww @mar-lo-pap @tinytan-gerine @vesperbells @butterymin

@eve1633455 @baechugff @lilkittenjenjen @wobblewobble822 @coffeedepressionsoup

@futuristicenemychaos @jadestonedaeho7 @granataepfelchen @whoa-jo @annyeongbitch7

@chimmisbae @sexytholland @idkjustlovingbts @kpophosblog @tinyelfperson

@yoongicatagenda @codeinebelle @parapiop7 @diame93 @janeelizabeth1216

@withmuchluv-tannie @abadiimm @angellekookie

The rest to follow in a reblog.

[hwonnrinji]

XOXO, UR ANNOYING SPIDEY — M.S.

'' every time i'm walkin' out , i can hear you tellin' me to turn around .ᐣ.ᐟ ''

── • when the friendly neighborhood spider-girl find ways to annoy you, with love of course!

── • fluff , taking care of wounds , kissing (poorly written imo) , one argument (hurt/comfort)

── • thought i'd switch up my style for a min and see how it looks. divider cr: @cafekitsune

── ♪ now playing : sunflower – post malone, swae lee

🕸️ .WEBSTRING. ゜– prologue

"LOOK AT HER! ISN'T SHE SO PRETTY?" hanni points to one of the cheerleaders, totally enamoured by her beauty. frankly, you couldn't care less because you were too busy thinking about a certain ginger cheerleader who was currently missing from the sidelines. hanni notices your distracted behavior and smiles smugly at you. "you miss megan don't you?" she wiggles her eyebrow in amusement like what she said was the funniest thing ever.

you snap your head towards her with a sharp glare, your eyes narrowed and threatening– with no actual malicious intent. "shut up, no i don't. you're getting the wrong idea," you argued. your chin was on the palm of your hand, your elbow resting on your knee. hanni only rolls her eyes and goes back to watching the game.

"what are you thinking of then?" she questions. you merely shrug.

"the cheerleaders are about to perform but she's not here."

"mm, sad you can't see her dance around?" now it was your turn to roll your eyes, your free hand coming up to push her head away. "it's not like that," you say. "i'm gonna go to the bathroom." you got up from the bleachers and left hanni alone to mumble insults by herself. upon entering the restroom, you saw megan trying to get out of a– spider-girl suit? why in the world would she have that?

"shit, shit, i'm gonna be so late," she rambles, unaware of your presence. when she turned around to be met with your face, her eyes widened in shock and her lips parted. "you're not... you're not supposed to see this.."

"you're spider-girl?" you point an accusing finger at her as if she wasn't wearing the suit right in front of your eyes. "i can explain!" megan exclaims. "what's there to explain, you're literally wearing–"

"ok, later! i'm gonna be late to the cheer performance. can you just... help me out of this?" she pleads, holding both of her hands up as she tried to reason with you. "i don't get out of this suit well under pressure."

"...yeah, i-i guess." you walk over to her and began to help her get out of the suit. once she was out, she looks more like a high schooler in her cheer uniform than some superhero saving the city. "i'll pay you back somehow, uh..."

"yn."

"yn! i'll pay the favor back soon," she promised. "you save the city already, there's no need–" you were interrupted by megan.

"no! no, i should! i can, uhm, swing you around the city if you want." the offer was tempting, but with your fear of heights, you weren't exactly sure. "think about it! thank you, again." she stuffs the suit back into her backpack and dashed towards the door. before fully leaving, she pauses and looks back with a smile on her face. "see you around, pretty?"

you almost choked on air when she called you that. it was totally out of the blue! "okay..." you nod. when she finally left, you let out a shaky breath, your hand clamping over your mouth. you can see the pinkish tint of your cheeks through the mirror, and you can feel the warmth and your heart beating through your chest. megan was so smooth for someone with no conscience of their actions, and it somehow made you a blushing mess. "how annoying."

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

🩹 .ADHESIVE. ゜

THREE KNOCKS ON YOUR WINDOW distracted you from your textbooks. it was weird, and fairly creepy, that something was knocking on your window considering how late it was. you grab one of your heavy dictionaries and got up from your seat, holding the book near yourself as you lifted your blinds. it was a dumb move but the person outside was even dumber. "what're you doing here, spidey?" you asked after you opened the window, seeing megan standing there, clutching her side.

"oh? nickname basis already?" megan chuckles, but it sounded weak. she was a coughing fit not even a few seconds later. even breathing made her chest hurt. "you said you're in a medical program right?" you nod, unsure of what megan wanted from you. "can you help me?"

"do you always need help?"

"i'm serious! look!" she shows you the deep cut underneath her hand, blood dripping down her fingers as she held her side. your eyes widened in concern and you immediately pull her in, opening the window wider for her to enter. "what the fuck did you do?" you exclaimed while your eyes took in all of the scrapes and bruises. megan only shrugs, and you fight back every urge to hit her.

"i saved the day?"

"yeah, no shit sherlock. it was rhetorical." not wanting blood to stain your bed, you sat her down on your chair at your desk. fortunately, you kept a first aid box in your drawer. "don't make too much noise. my parents are asleep and they don't need to know spider-girl is in my room."

"you got it, ma'am." her hand came up to do a salute but it was hurting too much to keep it there. "ow.."

"i need this suit off," you said, but the smug grin and teasing look on megan's face makes you want to punch her. "stop with that look. i'm being deadass right now. i can't treat your wounds correctly."

"okay, okay, sorry..." it took about five minutes to get her out of the suit, four minutes longer compared to the first time, mostly due to how she was whining in pain. by the time the suit was off, she was left in a t-shirt and shorts. "jesus, you look like adam sandler," you pointed out.

"was that necessary?" megan frowned.

"no, but it had to be said." you opened the first aid box and grabbed a nearby cloth, making sure it's clean before putting it on her cut and applying slight pressure onto the wound. megan winces in pain, throwing her head back on the chair.

"i'm being as gentle as i can, you crybaby. stay still!" you scolded. when the bleeding was reduced to a minimum, you removed the bloody cloth from her cut, grimacing upon seeing the fabric soaked in red fluid. "oh my god.." you toss the cloth somewhere else, deciding it'll be a future you problem. right now, you're focused on wrapping bandages around her.

you lift her shirt, ordering her to hold it up for you, before grabbing the roll of bandages in the med kit. you unroll it and placed it over her wound, wrapping around her stomach a few times. once done, you got up and went over to your closet, getting one of your oversized shirts for megan– since she was taller than you by a whole lot. you toss her the shirt and turned around to let her change.

"you don't have to turn around, y'know?" she said while putting on the shirt.

"i feel obligated to," you shrugged. "that's stupid," she laughed. "ok, you can turn around now." you turned around to face her but all the air gets knocked out of your lungs. who knew she would look nice in your clothes, let alone look better in it than you do. "what? do i look pretty?" megan taunted.

"yeah– no. what?" you stuttered, blinking a couple times to get your act together. she only chuckles and shake her head, leaning back into the chair. you noticed how her face was pretty messed up and felt the need to take care of that too. "how well do you do with rubbing alcohol?" you ask vaguely. she seemed to have gotten the memo based on how terrified she looked.

"no! no. no. we're not doing that." she tried to protest but you were already soaking a cotton ball with the liquid. "yn..." she begged, clasping her hand together. "you don't have to be so cruel!"

"except for the fact i'm not cruel? you're just whiny." you dab at a cut on her cheek, and a hiss comes through her lips, her fingers gripping onto the arms of the chair to keep herself from whacking your arm away. "spidey, i swear to god if you don't sit still..." your patience was thinning at her squirming, but a part of you couldn't help but feel bad. "come on, i promise it'll be over in a jiffy."

megan was hesitant but eventually nods, giving into your sweet coaxing. over the course of about three minutes, megan felt like she was traveling to and back from hell. the burns of the alcohol was seeping into the cuts around her face, a deep frown implanting itself onto her forehead. "is it done? are we done? am i done?"

"almost." you throw the cotton ball into the trash, taking a mental note to throw away the trash and cloth in the morning. "just a few more small bandaids and you can rest." megan whines as you began to placed tiny bandaids on her wounds, wanting the night to be over with. "there. now, we're officially done."

megan internally cheers but remembered she has to go back home. maybe she could've treated her own wounds at her place instead of being fifteen minutes away from the comfort of her bed. "can i sleep over?" your head snaps towards her, a bewildered look in your eyes. you've never agreed to any of this and only did it out of the kindess of your own heart. so why couldn't you deny her request?

"...yeah. sure. you've had enough on your plate for one night." you went over to your bed, fixing up a couple things to make space for her. you placed a pillow and a blanket on the floor next to your bed. "i'll sleep on the floor."

"what? why? it's your bed," megan argued, getting up from the chair, putting the pillow and blanket back on the bed. "it'll be fine, right?" you couldn't come up with an excuse as to why sleeping in the same bed would be a bad idea, so you gave in. "guess not..." you mumble. you climbed in first, your side pressed against the wall as you tried to keep a reasonable amount of space between you two.

megan giggled and got in afterwards, staying on her side of the bed. there was an awkward moment until megan looks at you and opens her arms. you stared at her in disbelief, but you also wanted to be held by her. "come here," she beckoned. you shake your head and she kept persisting. it went back and forth for a while until megan had enough and pulled you in herself, tucking your head in her chest. "see? was it that hard?" she teased when she felt you melt into her.

"shut up, you're so annoying."

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

💬 .FIRST QUARREL. ゜(suggestive)

MEGAN WAS TOO PROTECTIVE. she was constantly checking up on you during patrol or getting distracted trying to see if you're safe or not, resulting in her getting heavily injured. you were flattered at first, but it has gotten way too out of hand. you couldn't even go out with her not watching your every move from a nearby rooftop or whatnot!

you were walking in the streets, your mind wandering of how you could talk about this to her, ignoring the buzzing of your phone. suddenly, a loud noise roared behind you and a loud stomp made it feel like an earthquake was happening. you turned around to see some funny looking guy in a suit the size of hulk, his vision trained on you.myou swallowed hard, your feet slowly backing up with every step the villain took towards you.

spider-girl swings in a second later, her foot colliding with his face, sending him down. the fall was quite hard since the suit was heavy and practically made out of metal. megan quickly rushed over to you, pulling you into the nearby alleyway. "what're you doing? i texted you multiple times to go somewhere safe!"

"well i didn't see them! so stop blaming me so much!" you snapped, your hands shoving her chest, pushing her back. she moves your hand away a little roughly. "if you checked your phone, you would've!" she argues.

"megan, have you ever thought that you're too protective? because you are! every waking moment is you checking if i'm okay when i am!" you let out a frustrated huff, your hands on your hips. "it's getting annoying."

"i'm just watching out for you! you're a huge target since an enemy saw you with me!" her voice falters for a moment before she recollected herself. "i almost lost you once, and i'm not taking any more risks!" she referred to when you got kidnapped and held hostage, which made you end up in the hospital with serious injuries. you were barely breathing when she found you. "if i had arrived a minute later then, you wouldn't be here right now."

"that was then. spidey, it's been six months–"

"six months or not, it could've happened again today!" she raised her voice, surprising you a little. "you don't know the other universe i've been to, and in every single one of them, you weren't here with me." her resolve was slightly cracking, her chest rising and falling with every sentence she shouted at you. your lips parted in shock, your brain short-circuiting for a hot minute.

"i..." you stammered. you remember her talking about it a while ago, and how it scared her for a long period of time. you knew it was a sensitive topic. your hands cautiously held her face, your thumb rubbing her cheek over her mask. "but i'm here with you, right now, in this universe." she leaned into your touch while listening to your words carefully. "you don't have to worry so much."

"but i have to."

you shake your head, your fingers lifting her mask to only reveal her lips. "no you don't. deep down, if you think i'm safe and sound, then i most definitely am, okay?" you lean in and place a soft, reassuring kiss on her lips. you were about to pull away when megan places her hands on your waist, pulling you closer to her body. your eyes flutter closed and you relaxed into the kiss, your arms wrapping themselves around her shoulders.

you tilt your head to the side as your arms tightened around megan, feeling like there was too much space between you. a small whimper escaped her lips and it drove you crazy. the sound of your lips on each other filled the quiet alleyway. your nails dug into her back when she broke away and trailed down to your neck, her lips peppering featherlight kisses onto the curve of your jaw.

her thumbs snuck its way under your shirt, grazing the soft skin of your stomach. you arched your back a little further, letting her pull you flush against her front. your hands slid down slowly, from her back to her shoulders to her chest, clutching on her suit as you move your head to give her easier access to your neck. until a loud ringing tone from megan's phone broke you two away from each other. megan groans and takes her phone out, seeing it's the police needing her to help clear up the scene and to calm down the civilians.

"well... i gotta go..." she began, looking at you with a knowing look. "but..."

"you know where you should be tonight," you said. she grins and plants another kiss on your lips. "you bet i do."

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

🤍 .ALL YOURS. ゜(slightly suggestive at end)

A SOFT KNOCK AT YOUR WINDOW let you know that megan was outside on the fire escape right outside your room. you smile to yourself, hanging the towel you were using to dry your hair over your chair. you walked over to the window, opening your blinds and lifting the glass upwards.

"hey, ma," megan greeted when you opened the window. she was upside down, her hands holding onto the web at held her up. you only rolled your eyes playfully, your elbows coming to rest on the window frame. "what're you doing here, spidey?" you ask but there was no signs of you wanting her to leave.

"what? can't i see my favorite girl?" her head leaned in and placed a soft, lingering kiss on your lips despite her mask still fully covering her face. you giggle at the absurdity of it all, your hands reaching up to lift her mask to reveal her lips.

"kiss me properly, idiot," you demanded playfully. megan listens and leaned in again, your lips officially connecting with hers. the kiss was tender, gentle– anything you would describe a kiss full of love. when you break away, you could only laugh, your head dipping and your shoulders shaking. "i can't with you being upside down," you chuckled.

"i can get down if you want." she didn't even wait for your answer when she let go of the web and landed on the fire exit with a small thud. you moved aside to let her climb through the window, making sure to make as little noise as possible so you both don't wake up your parents. "how's my angel?" she questions, her arm wrapping around your waist and pulling you into another kiss.

"never been better," you giggled, your head tilting up to meet her lips. "what about my pretty girl? everything alright? no injuries?"

"all clean and safe." she raised her hands up in mock surrender, showing no signs of serious wounds. your smile only widened and you engulf her into a hug. she hugged you back immediately, her arms wrapping around your torso, her hands resting on the small of your back. she buried her nose into your hair, inhaling the scent of your shampoo mixed with your natural calming scent. "you smell so good, baby."

"do i?" you ask, flattered. she nods, her finger brushing away the stray hairs from your face. "i need to dry my hair."

"no, keep it like this. at least for a couple more minutes," she pleaded, smelling your hair again. "it smells really good."

"i can always give you my shampoo."

"mm, i like it better on you." you laugh, your head falling onto her shoulder. "have i ever told you how annoying you are, spidey?" you ask. megan pretends to ponder before lamely putting up her index finger like a nerd. "you have. multiple times. but i'm your annoying spidey, aren't i?"

"mhm," you hum softly, pecking her on the lips. "you're all mine."

"well i hoped i was." she gently places a hand on your chest, pushing back onto your bed. she crawled on top of you right after, her lips already sucking on your neck hungrily. "i'm afraid your hair won't be dry for a while," she murmured, her voice muffled by your skin.

"i'm fine with that."

– fin. –

@cinnamanz @ninguitar @lararajjj i lowk forgot my taglist

[revelboo]

speaking of bumblebee and bluestreak (from that one possessive post you made) would you... ever consider writing something for one of them? 👉👈 no worries if not jhdsmgds--

I promise, I do like Bluestreak. Really.

Where I Belong

Bluestreak x Reader- hurt

Warnings: 18+ storyline 🌶️

• He’s always been lucky. Able to slip out of awful situations, but as his tires scream around a curve, he can admit that his luck might have finally ran out. Skywarp is right on him, staying as low as he can and not caring as his wings clips trees and send branches crashing down. The Seeker isn’t going to give up, he’s already leaking energon. As weapons fire peppers the asphalt around him and he swerves to avoid it, his tires lose traction and he’s skidding off the road, digging up ruts in a grassy yard before crashing into a human building.

• The sound of the impact rattles you, head turning as a car tears through your yard and slides into the side of your house. Numb, you just stare as that same car, unfolds into a monstrous giant. You can’t even process what you’re seeing before there’s a jet dropping from the sky, twisting into another metal monster and slamming its legs into the back of the first one, driving it down into the wreckage of your house. Reaching down to grab its arm in both hands and wrench, the metal and the monster itself screaming as the limb gives sickeningly. You sling yourself into the tree line on your belly, hiding as the purple and black thing that was a jet aims the cannon on its arm at the other monster’s head. And fires. It’s laughing now, a delighted cackling as the car monster slumps facedown in what was your house. Then the jet monster leaps, changing back into a jet to fly away. And you can’t breathe.

• You tear across the yard to your little sedan. Slamming the door as soon as you’re inside, you fumble with your keys and throw the car into reverse as soon as the engine cranks, eyes cutting to the rear view mirror. It’s alive. That one remaining glowing eye is flickering fitfully. Staring right at you, its one good arm still outstretched and trembling. Reaching. Pleading wordlessly. It’s a monster. And it’s hurt. Swearing under your breath, you shove the shifter back in park and kill the engine. You’d kind of always assumed you’d do well under pressure. Be smart, but no. Apparently you’re going to do the too stupid to live thing and go help the giant monster that just destroyed your house.

• “Please,” he groans, servos flexing as the human slings open the door to their car. They’re staring at him like he’s a monster, but if this is it, he doesn’t want to be alone. He’s afraid, he realizes as his arm drops, too weak to hold up any longer. Just stay. Not alone. Please. He’s not even sure if he’s speaking out loud or if the stream of words is only in his head, but you come closer. You don’t leave him.

• That please tears you apart, because it sounds so lost. It sounds like a scared, little kid, not a giant killer robot. That’s what makes you inch closer, within reach of this thing if it’s just toying with you. That big, blue eye stares at you from where it’s slumped and even if it’s alien, but there’s hope and fear in that face. “What can I do?”

• “Energon lines,” it rasps, voice breaking. “Bleeding.” Energon? Must be what’s leaking from the thing and as you inspect that ragged stump where the other arm was, yeah, there’s a torn hose there pouring the stuff. So it’s like a vein, a thought that makes you nauseated as you pray that stuff won’t eat the flesh off your bones and reach into the gap. Not sure what to do, you tie the end of the hose, aware of the monster robot moaning as you do. That nausea rears up again because it can obviously feel what you’re doing and you’re elbow deep in its side digging around in its innards. It’s a machine. Like your car engine. No reason to hurl about working on machine guts. Even if it’s moving and staring at you with uncanny intelligence, its insides wet with energon and hot to the touch.

• Little hands run along the tear where his arm had been. Little, soft hands that are shaking with fear as they find leaks and bind them with some kind of adhesive it ran to an outlying building to retrieve. It talks to him as it works, its voice calming and anchoring him so he doesn’t drift. So he can focus and radio for help. A little hand on the side of his helm, voice scared and breaking, promising him everything will be okay. That he’s going to be okay.

Next

[fatliberation]

Sorry for leaving this in your inbox, but I need to vent and ask for advice in a place where people won't mock me. What do you do when sex is super difficult because of your fat? I've recently gotten into my first relationship and. I thought I had a handle on my internalized fatphobia and self hate but this has made it worse than ever. We can't have satisfying penetrative sex (we've tried all the tips and workarounds. Nothing works. I'm larger than most of the FA community.), and recieving oral sex is also difficult for me. I also get tired and sweaty extremely quickly if I have to like hold up myself on mostly my arms or something, so he has to do most of the work. So sex is just. Mostly the one that works on repeat, and we don't have it very often because it isn't that fun for either of us, and it also makes me cry afterwards sometimes because of how disappointing it is & me beating myself up over it.

I'm genuinely worried my boyfriend is going to leave me for this. He's clearly very frustrated with the situation, even though he tries to be nice about it most of the time. Earlier today I tried to like be flirty and hint at stuff and he just. got a bit sad. and then said that clearly neither of us enjoy the sex we're having and that he has a lot of trouble staying hard.and that he doesn't see the point when we're both forcing it for no reason. I think he's going to break up with me soon. His ex is way lighter than me, so he's probably comparing the normal sex he had with her with whatever the fuck this abnormal shitshow is :/

All the work I've done on myself to be happy with being fat (including working up the courage to date, what a mistake that was lmao) is all gone. This has ruined my self-esteem so much. I feel like one of those fatphobic jokes but a person.

first and foremost, please try your best to remember this: your body is not the problem. one more time. your body is not the problem. I'm so very sorry you're concerned that your boyfriend would leave you over this. it sounds like he has a lot of preconceived ideas about how sex is supposed to go. I promise you that it doesn't have to be this way. if this is something that could really end the relationship, know that this person is not compatible or open to exploring your needs, rather than your needs being "too difficult." I promise it's him, not you. I know folks who are 600+ pounds who have excellent sex lives and partners who satisfy them and enjoy satisfying them. when someone starts treating your pleasure like a chore, that's just shitty. I know how much it hurts. it also does damage to your own openness to pleasure. when you're caught up in feeling like sex/your body is something that needs to be "fixed," nothing is going to feel sexy, because all that pressure puts stress on and takes you out of the mental state where you're able to experience pleasure. does that make sense? so many couples get stuck in this cycle.

there are so many ways to engage in pleasure without penetration or orgasm. there's a lot that goes into foreplay, setting a mood, making your partner feel appreciated and attractive. words and touch play a huge part in this. something as simple as exploring each other's bodies, not with the intention of reaching climax, but simply to be vulnerable and engage each others' senses. have your partner give you a massage. play with your hair. tickle your back with a feather. shower together. kiss you. compliment you. if either of you are into any kinks or dirty talk, that could be a great way to engage each other sexually without the pressure of "achieving" a goal. the goal here is just to feel good, close, and connected. societal messaging about sex has placed so much importance on orgasm instead of pleasure - when taking the time and space to relax and receive attention, is key.

feel free to check out my other posts on fat sex ed, there's lots of assistive toys that can make pleasure more accessible, but I think that should be a tool for later, since the biggest issue here is the pressure to perform. know that pleasurable sex can exist for you! but for now, I would recommend taking a break from sex altogether since it is not pleasurable for you right now. because pleasure is the whole point. forcing it is only going to feel worse. you do not owe it to your boyfriend, especially if it doesn't feel good and is taking an emotional toll. I hope you both are able to take a step back, reassess and communicate, and are able to reconnect and create a safe space to explore.

I understand why you're beating yourself up over this, I've been there too. but also know that it's just another societal standard that's been internalized (and it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is helping). like you said, you've done a lot to unlearn fatphobia. there's a lot of internalized beliefs we absorb from society surrounding sex, just like body image. I promise that there is nothing wrong with you. If your boyfriend takes his frustration out on you instead of making you feel safe to express your needs, then he's not a supportive partner. you deserve someone who takes delight in your pleasure and your body. believe me, we're out there.

[onlyangel4]

I love your stuff and this is my first time requesting anything sorry if I'm doing it wrong but can you do stargazing by Myles Smith with George Russell?

stargazing. gr63. smau.

george russell x girlfriend!reader

george has posted pictures of you but you have never been to a grand prix and as soon as the fans see you and george together they realise just how perfect you are for him.

faceclaim: lana condor

georgerussell posted a story tagging y/ninsta

written: surprise! both y/n and darla will be in austria this weekend

y/ninsta posted a story

written: i promise darla is excited to watch her dad race and to meet roscoe

mercupdates

liked by user1, user2, user3 and 43,283 others

mercupdates: george has arrived to the paddock for media day and for the first time he is joined by his girlfriend of two years, y/n y/ln and their dog darla.

view all 432 comments

user1: i just watched the video of them entering the paddock and darla running straight over to toto, they have deffo met before.

user2: i'm so excited to see y/n in the paddock

user3: i can't wait for darla to meet roscoe

user4: my fav dog mum and dad

georgerussell posted a story

written: as you can see i am over the moon that y/n is in the paddock today

y/ninsta posted a story

written: while the boys are in a meeting i am in charge of the dogs. as you can see roscoe is overjoyed.

georgerussellfan

liked by user5, user6, user7 and 34,238 others

georgerussellfan: okay so the cutest thing just happened in the press conference. a reporter said, "i understand that there is someone very important to you in the paddock today george" and then y/n whooped and george said, "hi babygirl!, yes my girlfriend and dog are here today, it is definitely more pressure having them in the paddock i would rather not embarrass myself in front of y/n"

view all 298 comments

user5: "babygirl" i'm going to throw up they are so cute

user6: we have never seen y/n and george together before and i love them so much already

user7: i need y/n to attend more races so we get more cute moments like these

y/ninsta posted a story

written: qualifying day outfit

mercedesamgf1 posted a story

written: y/n is claiming she is "just a girl" after telling admin that she thought the cars just went "80mph like someone speeding on the motorway"

y/ninsta posted a story tagging georgerussell

written: this man drives all day and still refuses to let me drive us to the hotel

y/ninsta posted a story

written: race day baby

f1fan posted a story

written: guys i have a paddock pass for today and i just walked past george and y/n. y/n was wearing a pair of mercedes brand crocs and george was carrying her heels. she stopped and spoke to me quickly she said she "made the rookie mistake of wearing heels" they are so cute

mercedesamgf1 posted a story

written: toto wolff better watch out, y/n is after his job.

y/ninsta

liked by georgerussell, lewishamilton, landonorris and 624,119 others

tagged: georgerussell

y/ninsta: proud feels like an understatement

view all 4,281 comments

georgerussell: told you that i was not going to embarrass myself in front of you

y/ninsta: you definitely didn't embarrass yourself

mercedesamgf1: petition for you to come to every race

user8: i just love this couple so much

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

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[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

Hiatus Update

Hey everyone! I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season and is ready for the next year!

I'm really sorry that I keep falling into a hiatus status, but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about some things.

No, this isn't an announcement of canceling my AUs or that I'm dropping Twisted Wonderland! I still love the series very much and I still have far too much in mind with the AUs to stop thinking about them so soon! I just wanted to get that out of the way since I realize my lack of content creation lately seems to have worried a few people, and I'd like to apologize to everyone for worrying you all.

That being said, that brings me to my next point, and...it's going to get serious. No TW, it's nothing like that! Just...me speaking my thoughts and realizations. TLDR at the end if you want to skip the ramble!

I've been writing for this blog for...gosh, I think about three years now? It feels less than that for me, but that's a lot of writing done over the years. So many AU ideas, so many asks, so much love for the AUs I've created that--honestly--I almost didn't even start this blog had it not been for some encouragement from a good friend. And I'm glad I did! These past few years have been some of the most creatively liberating times I've had before I ever discovered Twisted Wonderland (would you believe it was originally Leona that made me want to play it despite Malleus being the one that kept popping up in my feed to the point I had to try and figure out what his name was? XD).

Yet despite all that writing and hyper-fixating, I've come to realize and accept that I'm experiencing quite the huge burnout...and I have been for quite a while without realizing or accepting it.

It's not because of any particular wip fic or art that I've been slowing down. The burnout had been happening for a while and just boiled over, and I think as a result...I started doubting myself over time. Doubting that what I was writing was going to be good, or that I'd be able to fulfill everyone's requests or asks in a way that makes them happy or feel that I put as much effort into the writing as I do with others, feeling like I'd be letting people down if I don't make something as long or detailed as some of my other responses, or making promises of grand ideas and not being able to deliver on it. I didn't feel connected to my writing, that it wasn't meant for me to enjoy or feel like I could be part of.

To put it simply, I put far too much pressure on myself, and the lack of feedback or reactions beyond likes on some fics I spent a lot of time and effort on didn't exactly help my mind's relationship with my own writing. Because of that self-imposed pressure, I'd...forgotten what it was like to love my own writing, to enjoy the process for what it was and to feel like I can just write what I want and feel included in my own adventures. Writing consumed me to the point that most days...I'd only be able to stare at the blank screen or my notebooks, the words and scenes in my mind yet unable to string them together in tangible form and yet I felt terrible NOT sitting there trying to write.

It was a pretty vicious cycle I couldn't break until now.

Lately, I've been focusing more on self-care. Not just physical stuff like hygiene or cooking better home meals (though I am doing that), but I mean giving myself other things to enjoy on my self-care wheel.

This is what I mean by the self-care wheel (link to instagram post ). It puts it in a way that makes sense, and I hope it helps someone else as well! Here's a screenshot of the post for those who don't have Instagram.

I've been watching more anime and other shows on streaming services lately, I've been playing other games like World of Warcraft (which has become my current obsession!) among others, and just...essentially breaking up the routine I had where I did nothing but writing, so I could take a break. And honestly? I've been able to write other things again. But this time for myself.

I feel like I'm able to enjoy the process again.

I love my writing again!

But I know better than to just assume that things are okay now and I can jump back into the blog so soon. I don't want to repeat what I had been doing when I thought my burnout was gone and just silently falling into hiatus again. Healing isn't a linear process no matter what it's for, and things won't get better if I don't start being kinder to myself.

So to bring a long story short:

I'm okay. I'll be okay, I just have to remind myself to enjoy more hobbies and interests in my life to make each day more fulfilling--more rounded. And when I come back to Twisted Wonderland, I'll go at my own pace and remember to write for myself too. I'd still love to chat and ramble about it or even about other fandoms or things to try! I've spent far too long building this blog to let it and the wonderful people who have followed and commented and even sent asks and fanart go away, and I want to connect in a way I feel I hadn't been able to in ages. ;;v;;

Remember to take care of yourselves, and find other things to fill your self-care wheel! It'll take time and effort, but I promise that things will start to feel better the more you realize you've got other things to make life worthwhile. 💝

TLDR: I'm okay! I'm just going to be on hiatus for a while longer and working more on self-care to remember to enjoy life as it should be enjoyed. Writing and concept art will resume at my own pace when I feel I'm able to consistently enjoy the process of writing for the fandom again. Would love to ramble and chat about other hobbies and interests and interact with the community though!

[evvlevie]

Yes, I promise you will shift and/or manifest that thing you want.

Hi besties, it's your girl Evie again, after what seems like ages of me being away for stuff like not failing my uni-exams (!!!)

For my first post after my big pause, I chose to share a little bit of knowledge with you guys, that helped me get through my manifestation-journey / shifting-journey

"If you really want something, it is guaranteed to be yours"

Really simple, but REALLY important.

this is valid for big stuff like SP-manifestations and shifting just like for small stuff e. g. manifesting good weather.

the universe loves you. It loves you so much, that as soon as it registered your desire, all efforts are being made in order to get it to you the fasted way possible.

Yes, that "fastest way possible" can mean time frames that go up to years sometimes.

I have read about success stories of people who "waited" (yes I know that waiting is the wrong terminology here, please don't come for me) for multiple years until the bridge of incidences has played out in the way that it had to, so that the desire could arrive in the way it needed to.

You need to stop treating manifestation as this quick fix for everything ever, because yes desires can manifest within minutes but sometimes they just simply don't.

You need to remember that you wanting something, just means future you has it, and is directing you towards the thing that is "your destiny" through your desires.

This also means one thing: The universe has shown you what shifting is. You desire to shift to a certain place. That means you have already shifted there and you are now experiencing the path that got you there. And when you look at that, wouldn't you agree that it isn't really important on how much pressure you put on it, because since you want it, you are PROMISED to get it anyway? And since you are reading this post, you were supposed to hear me say this, so maybe just believe me for a moment.

Seriously that's how I view my life at this point. Any of my desires are just indicators to me of what I have in the future.

And since I know that, it's way easier to not give power to unlikeable 3D-circumstances, because I already have the spoiler that I get the thing I desire. I wouldn't desire it, if I wasn't getting it anyway. Those unpleasant 3D-Situations are just means to an end, they are just the bridge of incidences that gets me from point desiring to point having it in the physical realm. (Very small reminder here: If an unpleasant situation arises you can react to it, and it won't meddle with your manifestations badly, because as I mentioned, they are promised to you. Many people think that ignoring the 3D means detaching from your very human emotions, which really isn't the point of experiencing the human experience. The point of the human experience are the many emotions attached to it. Ignoring the 3D means, at least to me, that even if it seems very unlikely for the desires to harden into fact and that even it the utter opposite of your desire has shown up, you need to remind yourself that your desire is still promised and guaranteed and that you are receiving it, although unpleasantries appear.)

What I am trying to say here:

If you haven't shifted, yet: don't pressure yourself, don't stress yourself and don't think you are doing something wrong just because you have been trying to shift for a certain amount of time, and still have not.

⇢ because since you want it, you have already done it. You just have to live through the experience of how you got there. And this experience has its length, whether you like it or not. This length is different for each and every person out there. There is no reason to get demotivated. Because why would you if it is already set in stone, that you will have shifted once you lived through the experience of finding out how to shift? You shouldn't go to bed thinking "I hope I shift tonight" and you shouldn't be waking up thinking "Damn it, I can't shift since I didn't last night".

I go to bed excited because I KNOW for certain that I will experience my shift and that every night could be the night and I wake up in my CR thinking "Oh well, looks like the time hasn't come yet, but I know it will."

If you want something, it is already on its fastest way possible to get to you. No "if" , "and" or "but".

Yours in every reality,

Evie <3

[thecapricunt1616]

Hello everyone! I am truly sorry for not posting as of late. I’ve been dealing with mental health stuff, also my laptop got broken :( So it hasn’t been as easy to write. I do have my iPad/wireless keyboard, but it just isn’t as comfortable to write on / I worry that the format will look like shit. I do feel poorly though because all of my moots have been writing a lot lately, and my blog has been so dry! I am really trying to get my mental health in check so obtaining a job will be easier and in turn, my work will probably be (somewhat) better. I hope this suffices, though, for the time being. I promise I’m trying to get a new laptop just as soon as I can <3 I appreciate all of your patience with me :) I have never written for our darling prince Lip Gallagher before- but he has been making me fairly crazy lately, so I wanted to give my go at writing for him, I haven’t watched the college Lip ep’s in a while so I hope it’s alright - sorry if it’s not fully canon! Tell me how I did if you’d like! xoxo - Capri <3 :)

(Warnings - smut choking (consensual) unprotected PIV sex, not very edited or proof read bc im tired ❤️❤️❤️)

”Hump my fuckin leg one more time, I swear to god. If you don’t just sit in my fuckin’ lap, and behave y’not gonna like me. I told you, I have 3 more fuckin’ papers to grade- like a cat in fuckin’ heat” he grumbled, not looking up from the homework assignment he’d been grading for the professor he’d been working under.

You pouted, squeezing his thigh that you had been straddling and working your way up to fully dragging your swollen, needy cunt across his worn out denim beneath your flower printed panties. A frustrated huff leaved your lips, before connecting them with the warm, tobacco scented skin of his neck and planting a gentle kiss. “Wanna feel good, Lip. Y’bein mean” you said, voice quiet and laced with the neediness he couldn’t quite ignore, or deny.

“Jesus fucking Christ. Fine, Need a smoke anyway. But you want it so bad, you can fuckin’ get y’self off” he walked over to the dorm window, pushing it open to let out the smoke out and put a cigarette to his lips, lighting it and plopping down on the bed, popping the button of his jeans. You were sat there dumbly, jaw dropped at the fact that he didn’t put up more of a fight. ”You have until the end of this fuckin smoke. You gonna come do somethin’ er sit there lookin’ like a goddamn trout?” He teased.

You quickly got up, pushing him to lay down and tugging his cock just enough out of his jeans and boxers, spitting in your hand before beginning to stroke him quickly, thumbing over his sensitive tip and he grunted softly, smoke plooming out of his nose as he plucked the cigarette from between his lips. “see that fuckin wet stain you left on my jeans? Such a needy whore f’me yeah?” He mused, watching as you pumped him faster, mouth dropping slightly as he hardened in the pressure of your palm until he was throbbing.

”Only yours -“ your jaw falls slack as you ran the tip of his cock through your wet folds, gathering your arousal and using his tip to rub over your clit. His eyes nearly rolled back, putting the cigarette between his lips and taking another large drag. He looked down as you rutted your hips back and forth over his thick now throbbing length.

“Only half a cig left, kitten. You gonna get y’self off with it er’ just fuck around, ‘eh?” He asked impatiently. You rolled your eyes sassily, aligning him with your entrance and sitting back, a whimper leaving your throat since you hadn’t the time to get yourself fully ready for him and the stretch he provided was never anything you could adjust to no matter how many times you took it.

A small grunt left his throat, hips rutting up into you subconsciously a gasp left your throat as he shifted his hips forward, rutting into that most sensitive and spongey spot inside of you that made white stars form behind your lids and your thighs shake. You whine as your head fell back, hips trembling as you lifted yourself up and down over his cock. “Jesus- so fucking big….” You manage to get out, bringing a trembling hand down to play with your puffy, throbbing clit.

”Finally feel good? Hm? Little fuckin’ brat. Shoulda fucked your face instead mm? Bet you’d love that shit” he reached over and put out his mostly gone cigarette on the ash tray and you began furiously rolling your hips, worried he was gonna pull you off and tell you that it was time for him too get back to work.

”Yes- yes daddy, such a brat- your brat. Please- please let me finish- feel so good- please” you rambled, voice needy and begging. He huffed a nearly mocking chuckle, grabbing you by the throat and pushing you down onto the mattress. It wasn’t painful, it just cut off your blood flow just right to where there was this sweet, fuzzy feeling in your head, causing your vision to go slightly hazy around the edges.

“I’ve created a fuckin monster - huh? Addicted t’my cock now. Can’t even go 12 hours without gettin’ filled up.” He was practically speaking into your sweaty, flushed skin of your temple, His voice a gruff row grumble. He used his other hand to rut up your tshirt, palming your tit roughly and rolling your nipple between his fingers. You squeaked out, hips jerking at the motion which urged him deeper and made your eyes roll at the overstimulation.

”shit - like that, huh? You like that? When I pound you this fuckin’ deep?” He snapped his hips faster, short, sweet little ah-ah-ah squeaks being torn from your throat with each nearly punishing thrust. You nod quickly, looking up at him in awe stricken lust as you clench around him.

“Ohh are you gonna cum? Is my little fuckin brat gonna cum? Mmm? You gonna cum around my cock?” He taunts in the shell of your ear, the hand that was playing with your nipple sliding down to play with your clit as the other stated wrapped firmly around your throat. Your hips jerk, feet planting on the bed as your back arches while your body tries to escape the oncoming tidal wave of pleasure that was threatening to take over.

“Mmhmm. Y’gonna cum- feel you fuckin’ milking my cock- go ahead baby - let go” he goads as he stroked your twitching bud faster. You let out something akin to a sob, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes and breath hitching as your vision blurs out momentarily, body going slack other then your trembling thighs, and nails that were slapping and clawing at Lips back as he drives you through it, his thrusts becoming sloppier and harder at the feeling of you pulsating around him like a second heartbeat and your creamy white arousal seeping around him and covering his cock with each thrust.

“That’s fuckin it- that’s it kitten” he groaned, spreading out your pussy with a slack jaw, watching as his cock punched in and out of you, rutting against your g spot each and every time - in turn causing pathetic pleas for you weren’t sure what coming from your throat.

“Please what, baby- want me to fill you up? Hm? Need my cum drippin outta’ you after I fuck you to sleep here so I can finish my fuckin work in peace?” He coos mockingly, tugging you by your hair forcing you to look at him.

You sniffled, tears seeping from the corners of your eyes pathetically and drool dribbling down your chin from how he was fucking you so good your tongue had nearly fallen out of your mouth like some kind of puppy - “s-sorry- jus’love your- your cock” you hiccuped an over stimulated sob as he used his thumb abuse the nub further which in turn caused another strangled moan to leave your throat and head to fall back to the pillow.

“Awww I know Angel. You take it so well- like a good little toy” he mumbled into your skin, his words causing you to clench and dribble around him slightly, the raspiness of his voice mixed with the praise doing something to you you couldn’t quite explain.

“So good- so good daddy m’so good” you cry out as he fills you up, cock twitching and pulsing between your walls in the most delicious way. You gasped in delight, wrapping your legs tight around his hips and tugging your pelvis’ taut and comfortably, enjoying the feeling of being filled up to the hilt.

“Got shit t’do as much as I wanna live in your cunt, baby. Gotta get back at it” he kissed your forehead, grabbing a T shirt from his laundry pile and tossing it to you to clean yourself up as he fixed his jeans and went to sit back at his desk, leaving you well satiated

All be it a little sore and wanting post sex snuggles,

You win some, you lose some.

[jinx-xxed]

Chasing the Light

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*

A/N: Kylo Ren my one and only 🤞 I have a lot of stuff I can post about him so stay tuned (hopefully)

Summary; Your nightmares become your reality when the man who’s been terrorizing your mind finally appears before you to see who you really are.

Content; AFAB reader (barely mentioned), reusing some scenes from Rey (sorry queen), Force user hunted by Kylo Ren, mind probing, fight scenes

Wc; 3.2k

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*

Your dreams have become haunted.

Haunted by darkness, haunted by the screech of an unstable, red blade. Haunted by a dark helmet, visor rimmed in silver, cape wavering in the wind. The figure appears in flashes, darkness surrounding him so thoroughly that it’s suffocating. The scene is different each time; once it was on a rain soaked field, bodies of those cut down by that blade laying around your feet. Another, you were in a forest where it was cold and harsh. Whoever it is, he knows you’re there. He’d came for you once, lightsaber brandished, like he wanted to cut through you before the dream ripped you away. You wake up in a cold sweat each time, a deep panic settled into your bones that follows you for the rest of the day and makes you dread the coming night.

So that’s why, when those dark ships blot the sky, you know what it means.

“Go, take my ship at the end of town and get as far away from here as you can.” You say sternly, ushering your family towards the back door of your home. The streets are in a panic, people running about as darkness descends, desperate to escape. “Try to get to Atrisia, the coordinates are already set into the system. You’ll be safe there.”

Your mother turns in your grip, her hand cupping your cheek, brows creased. “Come with us, my firelight. Please.”

You hesitate, eyes tracing her face as if you can burn it into your memory. Hair like yours, lines on her skin marking her age, bright eyes—eyes wet with tears. You lean into her touch, your hand eclipsing her own, her skin warm and calloused. A sigh blows through your nose, eyes closing briefly to hold back what you feel building at the edges. “I can’t, momma. It’ll only put the rest of you in danger.” Your voice is quiet, like it’s not even yours.

“I don’t care! Don’t make me leave you!” She begs, clinging to the off-white fabric of your robes.

Your father gently pulls your mother away before you break. The whir of engines can be heard outside. “Come on, dear, we need to get going.” He keeps an arm around her, whispering things into her ear. Something about how they knew a day like this would come.

You sniff harshly and bring them in, trying your damndest to wrap your arms around your mother, father, and brother. “I’ll be okay, I promise. I’ll find my way back to you as soon as I can.” You try to make yourself believe your own words too. You look at them all one last time as the ground begins to shake. You practically push them out of the door. “Go, go! Please.”

You ignore your mother’s protests as you turn away, hurrying towards the front door. You rip it open, looking to the sky and watching the TIE fighters come screaming in. They’re already shooting, blowing holes in the earth and sparking flames to life. They’re not targeting civilians yet, instead firing off target on purpose, like an intimidation tactic. Your teeth grit, anger boiling in your blood. These intruders, these murderers that act more robot than human, coming to my home and ripping everything apart.

A TIE fighter explodes in the sky right above you.

You jolt, broken out of your haze as smoking metal falls to the ground. Shit. Shit, shit, shit-! You did not mean to do that. You practically just put a massive beacon on you, telling these bastards that what they’re looking for is here. You feel a strange buzzing in the back of your mind, an intimidating pressure, something that’s oddly familiar and has you wincing. You recall your dreams—the ones that have caused you so much terror for the past two weeks—and panic flares up, worse than it already was. Your lightsaber feels like it’s burning a hole into your side.

You break into a run towards the trees just as a massive ship touches down. A command ship.

Your breath comes in desperate pants to your lungs as twigs snap beneath your boots, underbrush catching on your robes as you shove it aside. Maybe, maybe if you can just get far enough away, if you keep running, they won’t find you. Or, you can at least draw them away from the town—away from the people you’ve known all your life. You can only hope and pray to whatever gods may be watching over you that your family made it out of here safely.

That pressure you felt only grows the further you get, which only serves to confuse you. It should be the opposite, so why-

A red lightsaber ignites before you.

You jump back in fear, entire body tensing as his dark form emerges from behind a tree. He’s huge, both in height and build, looming over you with muscles encased in the darkness of his uniform. There’s a hood pulled over his helmet, resembling something like death itself, that same silver rimmed visor catching the sunlight. Kylo Ren, something in your mind hisses like a warning, Commander of the First Order. Jedi killer. Your breath hitches in your throat. “How did-“

“You. You’re the one I keep seeing.” His voice is low, made lower by the way it crackles through the modifier in his helmet. He takes a step forward, you take two back. “Why?”

“How the hell should I know?” You snap, teeth bared. You know just how precarious this situation is, with him being a hardened soldier trained in the Dark Side and you being… nothing of that sort. You can feel your Force powers clash, smacking against one another as he tries reaching forward and you recoil. He wants into your head, but you refuse to give it to him, using your Force like a shield against his sword.

Blue is fighting red before you can register what’s happening.

Your lightsaber is secure in your hand, blue blade coming out to defend against his red. Little bits of plasma spit from cross guards he has built into his handle, making it look like nothing you’ve ever seen before. His blade sputters and crackles, made unstable by some type of injury within the kyber crystal that powers it. Dealing with such a damaged crystal can be incredibly dangerous and volatile; you’d have to be insane to willingly use one.

He’s strong, but you expected no less. You struggle against his saber, hands shaking from the force. He moves you back with ease, boots skidding against the dirt of the forest floor. He jerks suddenly, twisting his saber to bring yours forward and grip your wrists into immobility. “Where did you get something like this?” He demands, his helmet tilting ever so slightly towards your weapon.

“I made it, you ass-“ you snarl, kicking one leg out and forcing him away so you can widen the distance between the both of you. It’d taken you almost two years to get a hold of all the parts you needed to make your own lightsaber. The Force had guided you through the process, willing your weapon into creation without the usual guidance you’d get from a Jedi master. It’d been a struggle, that’s for sure.

He comes at you again, swinging up from your feet towards your face, making you bend backwards to narrowly avoid it. He moves quick, with the efficiency and deadliness of a warrior. You’re able to hold your own—barely—parrying hit after hit, retaliating where you can and moving your body in tandem with his attacks. The trees around you become scarred from your battle, gashes glowing orange burned into the bark. You spin around, putting your arms up to put your lightsaber against your back to block one of his swings and then twisting around to catch him on his thigh.

He grunts in pain, distracted for the briefest of half seconds, and you take your chance. You bring your leg up, swiveling on your other foot to knock him in the side and then the stomach, but when your bodies connect, your mind suddenly spins, and you’re no longer in the forest. You feel like you’re suspended in some type of unfamiliar space, overwhelmed with emotions and memories. Fear, anger, hurt, betrayal; the consoling voice of a mother to a young boy, a promise of better things, the whisper of dark voices.

You choke on your breath as your back slams against the ground, bones seeming to rattle from the force. Kylo Ren stands over you, shoulders hunched, body shaking as his breathing comes as ragged gasps through his modifier. You look at him with wide eyes, lightsaber on the ground next to you, with no idea about what in the hell just happened.

“How did you do that?” His tone is almost feral, deep with a tremble to the back of it, like he’s… scared.

“I- I don’t-“ you stutter with your words because truthfully, you have no clue either. It’s like when you touched him, you broke through his Force and saw into his mind without even meaning to.

“You need a teacher, someone to show you the ways of the Force.” He insists, taking a step towards you. He extends his free hand. “You’re untrained but stronger than you know. Let me help you-“

You smack him away, scrambling to your feet and gripping your lightsaber. “I will never take help from the likes of you.” You spit. “I won’t let myself become a monster like you have.”

He stiffens, like your words snapped him back into the cold, unfeeling murderer he’s supposed to be. You feel his anger simmering, coming off of him in waves. His fists clench. “We’ll see about that.” And then he’s on you again, faster than you can react, stronger than you’re prepared to handle. You try to retaliate; you block and you parry and you dodge beneath the screech of his saber, but it’s not enough. That lack of training and lack of fighting spirit comes back to bite you in the ass, earning you more than a few nicks and bruises. What seemed like a proper fight before now just becomes unfair and he knocks you down with ease, making you wonder if he was just holding back earlier. Your body slumps against a tree, bark biting into your back, vision wobbling as your consciousness is tugged and pulled away from you. Blood trickles down into your left eye, your head hits the forest floor; the last thing you see before the world fades is his black boots walking towards you.

» ☆ «

The cold makes a home in your bones.

Everything is stiff and heavy, like you couldn’t move your limbs even if you tried—and you did try, which is how you discover you’re strapped to some kind of device that’s more of a flat metal board than it is a chair. It’s like a torture device you’d see in history books. Panic floods through you, fully waking up your systems and sending them into overdrive. The grogginess is gone in an instant, and the memories of what got you into this situation come flooding back. Lightsabers, sparks flying, the Force, seeing into his mind, dark helmet, dark cape, dark, dark, dark- you jerk your wrists and ankles, making a desperate attempt to get yourself out of the cuffs holding you in place. You ignore the bite in your muscles, the ache of the wounds littered across your skin; you can feel the dried blood on your forehead.

“I wouldn’t waste my energy on that,” a voice speaks, low and mechanic and familiar.

Your breath hitches, your body tenses. There’s heavy, intimidating footsteps on the polished metal flooring before Kylo Ren rounds the chair, walking around you, gloved hands behind his back while not properly looking at you. You lurch forward on instinct, cuffs digging roughly into your wrists, teeth snapping and a harsh growl rumbling in the depths of your throat like a rabid animal. “I’ll kill you, I swear to god I’ll fucking kill you-“

You hear him huff, though faint through the modifier. “Quite the fiery temper for a supposed Jedi.”

You relax in your seat, trying to return neutrality to your expression. “I’m not associated with the Jedi.”

That helmet turns to you then, and you feel his burning gaze behind the darkness of the visor. “You’re not?” Then he eases his shoulders back, rolling them, and decides to answer his own question. “No, you’re not. That would explain why you’re so unknown, so untrained.” You don’t like the way he says “untrained”, like it’s a disgrace of some kind to him.

He leans in suddenly, his form looms, darkness incarnate. He’s close enough that you can see each ding and scratch littered across his helmet’s surface, left battle-scarred and damaged on purpose. His head tilts slightly to the right, like that of a curious animal, and you continue to feel his eyes on you rather than see them. “Who are you?” He asks, tone neutral but you can hear a note of frustration behind it, like your existence is a nuisance. “Why do I keep seeing a nobody everywhere I go?”

You try to get away from him, but being strapped to a board doesn’t leave you with a lot of places to go. So instead, your body shifts, pressing uncomfortably into the back of your seat as your chin lifts. “I don’t know. It’s not like I want to see you either.” You snap. “I barely even know who you are.”

He doesn’t say anything, instead studying you. You hate the way it makes you squirm, only made worse by the fact you can’t see his face. He backs off and there’s a pause, like time is frozen, and then he reaches a hand forward, fingers slightly curled in. “If you won’t answer my questions, then I have other ways of getting what I want.” His voice is barely above a whisper.

It’s seconds after that you feel it.

Your entire body seizes, uncomfortably tense against your restraints as a buzzing begins in the back of your mind. It’s simple at first, like the drone of a fly, but it quickly grows in intensity from a buzz to a drum to a violent pounding, beating around your skull and making your ears ring. Your eyes screw shut and your chest heaves, your mind feeling like it’s being dug into and pulled apart by unkind fingers. Your nails eat into your palms, the tang of blood just barely whisking across your nostrils.

Memories are uncovered and brought forward against your will, appearing in flashes and whirs of voices. The first strawberry harvest of the season, your mothers laughter, your fathers stupid jokes, your brothers stern yet comforting silence, the time you broke your leg falling out of a tree. Those kind are shoved aside quickly, though they fill most of the space where memories are stored; he doesn’t want those ones. Sweat drips down the side of your face, mouth open as you pant. Pain feels both so acute and so distant, like you’re half in and half out of your own body.

You’re tossed through memories like you’re within an ocean, barely able to stay afloat as you’re tugged one way and then the other. The first appearance of the Force, the way it’d shot out from you without control, the fear you’d felt when it ended up injuring your brother. That one sticks for a while, made to replay over and over by the one controlling this ride that you so desperately want off of. Having to learn all alone, your only teachers being the books you had to buy from black markets, the isolation from your peers, your solitary journey to Ilum, the construction of your lightsaber. The loneliness that has built over years and years surges up, taking over your senses, amplified by the pain you feel.

“You’ve been by yourself all this time. No one’s ever understood you.” Kylo says curiously. His hand tilts slightly, like he’s turning a knob. “You hid yourself away, you felt terror at what you could do, simply because you didn’t understand it. You’ve denied who you are.” You would say something if you could, but any words you try to muster come out as choked air.

His head lifts just a hairsbreadth. “I see it. You want so badly to learn, but you have nobody to show you.” He breaths out. “And yet, somehow, you were able to compete with me. I don’t get it; you’re worthless. You’re a girl from a nowhere planet with a nobody family, a family that would’ve betrayed you in the end anyway. Your powers would grow to overwhelm you because you don’t know what to do, and they would cower away, scared of their own daughter.” There’s something about the way he says those words, like there’s a familiarity to them that runs deeper than the surface. Like he’s said them before, heard them before.

Fire rages beneath your skin, threatening to tear you asunder, your eyes starting to roll. This is not what the Force should be used for—this pain, this display of power. Or maybe it is, maybe those books you used only ever showed one side of the story. There was always a mention of balance, the light unable to exist without the dark. As memories become skewed and watery in your mind, delirious with agony, you begin to realize you don’t know anymore. Your thoughts no longer feel like your own, so scrambled and incoherent that you’re unsure if you’re even able to think properly at all. His hand withdraws suddenly, like he’s been burned, and everything ceases completely. Your body goes slack, your head lolling, but there’s at last silence in your mind.

His fingers rub together as he contemplates something. “You have a great amount of potential, strength that can be brought out with the right training. Leader Snoke will be interested in you.” He mutters. “I feel the Dark Side within you, it’s what you were meant for. So easy to anger and hatred, consumed by your isolation, it will make you more powerful than you could ever imagine.”

You shake your head, but the action is weak. Your words are forced, sapping the last of whatever remaining energy you have. “N..No, no, I won’t- I won’t join you-“

He hums, as if considering your answer, his hands clasping behind his back. “I wonder what your family would think about that? Atrisia, was it?”

You jolt, ignoring the way your muscles smart, lunging forward as your exhaustion is replaced with a pure, snarling anger. It’s just what he wants, but you can’t find it in you to care. “You stay the fuck away from them, you monster-“

“Then I believe we’ve come to an agreement.” He says, helmet seeming to gleam with his cruelty. You don’t think you’ve ever wanted to fight someone so badly before, even if fighting him is what got you here in the first place. He turns, typing something into a data-pad built into the wall. “Course will be set to see Leader Snoke shortly. Enjoy yourself while you’re here.”

You don’t get a chance to spit a final fuck you before he’s disappeared and the doors are hissing shut behind him.

[levi-4uckerman]

l.g.i.t.s. timeline explained

hey guys! someone commented on my recent AO3 update asking for a timeline and i realized i have this whole big story planned out in my head, but haven't clarified how i've altered the canon timeline to make it happen >.< allow me to explain!

(note: this is NOT necessary to read before the story unless you're a stickler about canon-- but, if that's the case, why read fanfiction? weirdo)

anyway, i definitely had to play w the canon timeline a little bit to fit us into the story in a way that has the most impact. i wanted certain noncanon events in my story to coincide w/ events and plotpoints in the canon and the only way to really do that is to study the OG timeline and move some stuff around. no major changes have been made... i think. (^▽^)👍

╰┈➤8/2006: Star Plasma Vessel incident occurs. Gojo becomes enlightened.

Gojo/Reader age: 16

╰┈➤9/2007: Suguru Geto betrays Jujutsu Technical Institute.

╰┈➤3/2009: Gojo, Shoko, and reader graduate Jujutsu High.

✨Here is where we start to deviate from canon ✨

╰┈➤Sometime in 2013: Gojo is assigned to the case of cursed spirit, Rika Orimoto.

╰┈➤Sometime in 2014: Nanami returns to Jujutsu sorcery.

╰┈➤12/2014: The Night Parade of 100 Demons occurs. (noncanon) Satoru Gojo kills Suguru Geto. A small ceremony is held in the days following to honor the lives that were lost in Kyoto that night. Gojo and reader enter a tentative friendship (they haven't spoken much high school).

Canonically, the Night Parade of 100 Demons occurs on Dec. 24th, 2017.

Gojo/Reader age: 24

‼️Possible spoilers for chapters 3-4!! Nothing huge, just stuff that hasn't been posted yet :)‼️

╰┈➤1/2015: The Gojo clan starts pressuring Satoru to choose a wife. Simultaneously, he and reader grow closer through phone calls and late night outings. (noncanon)

╰┈➤Mid-2/2015: Haruto is conceived.

╰┈➤3/2015: Reader begins to experience early pregnancy symptoms. The Jujutsu Council is constantly calling her for meetings to abuse her clairvoyance technique.

╰┈➤4/2015: Rumors about Gojo being engaged begin to circulate. Reader confronts Gojo and ends their tryst. Reader discovers that she is pregnant.

╰┈➤5/2015: Reader has her first ultrasound, confirming she is pregnant (See prologue). Reader comes to terms with her pregnancy and begins to hatch a plan to leave Tokyo and head west, pitching her idea as a way to "study cursed energy manifestations in other regions".

╰┈➤Early 6/2015- Reader informs Satoru that she will be leaving Japan soon, but intentionally does not tell him when. Late 6/2015-Satoru discovers that she has left. Satoru finally confronts the rumors of his engagement and threatens the Gojo clan to stay out of his personal life.

╰┈➤11/2015: Reader and Satoru Gojo's son, Haruto Myoji, is born a few days early on the 11th day of November, 2015.

╰┈➤12/2016: Reader meets Aya Takahashi, a former Zenin sorceress hiding in the same small mountain town. Haruto is one year old at the time.

╰┈➤6/2018: Yuji swallows Sukuna's finger, becoming his vessel. His execution is ordered, but Satoru Gojo manages to have it postponed.

╰┈➤7/2018: Yuji dies when Sukuna rips out his heart following the Eishu Detention Center mission. He is revived the following day, in the presence of Gojo and Shoko. Satoru starts to realize that this may be more than he can handle on his own. see Chapter One :)

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The rest of the story follows the canon timeline, as far as season one of the anime goes.

(If you're on the taglist for this story, don't worry! You didn't miss an update! I just want us all to be on the same page as we embark on this journey together. I promise I'm only halfway making it up as I go, teehee.)

[lains-reality]

hello! i rlly love your blog and the way you explain things

how do i just apply? whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info and things i have to make sure i’m doing right then i spiral and over consume again. i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore.

what’s the simplest way to apply all of this and just “manifest” (i don’t rlly like this word bc it implies there’s a process or that i’m trying to get) my dream life? thank you

hi! ty!

it takes some courage! i also read a lot as a way to feel secure, but eventually i just got tired and just decided 'i have no more fears from this day on! done with this!' and i made it a practise to stop avoiding myself whenever something comes up

its all very natural, i can't say how you'll just finally decide that your over this lol

"whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info"

well, learn how to stop yourself in the moment. you're putting too much pressure on your character! it only know what it knows now, it will not accept anything outside of what it already knows! thats why you leave it alone. read all you want to read, but stop when you feel like you have to. like you must. let yourself relax.

"i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore."

good! keep going!

"what’s the simplest way to apply all of this"

just do it. try it and see. something that is a recurent theme in all the posts and book i read, is to try it. experiment. just for this one moment, let all the worries go. promise to never make problems for yourself again. you've given up troubles now, no more. just test it and see. surrender. let the mind cry and scream, for this moment, you won't allow it to deter you from freedom.

i'll give a list of stuff that helped me

theres only now -> stop bringing the past to now, learn to sit in the present moment

stop avoiding emotions, sit with the fear, discomfort etc

you already are Self! nothing can undo that!

be patient

non attachment (or detachment)

experiment - take something you already know and test it

question everything

find out what are the stories you want, what the desire will supposedly give you

it is not necessary to get rid of thoughts or images just stop deriving identity from them

"am i arguing for my limitations?"

soon more lovely thoughts and images will appear in your awareness and you can choose what you want

can you outgrow it? not you. observe it? not you. in the absense of it, you don't dissapear? not you.

be okay with not having it. get to a place where no one and no thing can disturb you (and your happiness and peace)

just see how absurd all this shit is. like i was born? what was it like before i was born? why is it normal to hear your voice in your head? no one knows what tomorrow is but we all worry abt it, where tf does the voice in your head come from? how can we actually identify feelings, what if the feeling pride isn't actually pride and you've been lied to? do you know how crazy this is for an infant?! we say we are an [x] person and that changes and so we say we are an [y] person, so who are we?? if we can change like that? being a human is confusing, seek the truth out and question all

just start to disidentify as the body-mind. when you disidentify as the body-mind you'll start to feel better as all the pressure you put on your character falls away. this will intice you to keep going as you feel freer!

have fun!! go and live life!! appriciate what you have now - this is all expressing the character, omnipr3sence, perfectly! you'll start to see "i barely thought abt x 2 days ago and now i see it here lol" "i was worrying about y and now i see it here too" "oh so this comes along with being the character too, maybe i should change that story"

you're in your own dream, see it as your dream and you'll start seeing the connections.

no need to convince the character, just move on. let yourself doubt this 'reality'

disclaimer: i'm still learning too! so please keep practising and have your own epiphanies!

reading

habit

no need to convince

behaviour

[moo-blogging]

Hey, could you write a story between levi and reader , where levi has to get married to a girl (because she's a rich girl and he is a ceo of a huge company) but he's already dating reader. So.. in this story reader and levi are just passing their last night together before the wedding?

Btw: I really like your posts!!

You knew, very well, that money was powerful. Money run the world. Money was the new God.

That was why you were determined to make it in life, living with the financial freedom you didn't have growing up. And you made yourself proud. You managed to put a roof over your head, put decent food on the table, and afford little things that priced more than they were worth, but oh they made you so happy.

And you had Levi. Oh Levi Ackerman, the youngest CEO of the century who did not inherit the multi-million company from his family. It was a miracle how you met him. A wrong cup of tea. A misspelt word. A heartfelt laugh. The rest was history.

You thought nothing could come between you. You wouldn't doubt Levi's love for you and yours him. Levi was your one true love. He moved in with you. You went shopping for a big bed together, trying on every mattress in different stores, imagining the rest of your lives together. Things doubled up in your house: double plates, double mugs, double toothbrushes standing next to each other on the bathroom basin. You house felt smaller, cramped with more stuff but warmer with love and Levi in it.

You were the happiest person in the world.

And then, an emergency meeting was held in Levi's company. A man became the major shareholder of the company, owning more than 50% of the company's shares and he insisted on the meeting. He insisted that Levi should marry his daughter, who was head over heels Levi when she first saw him on the news. The man threatened to buy more shares and liquidate the company if Levi refused to marry his daughter. This would affect the employees as they lost their jobs, as well as the suppliers and distributers that signed contract with the company.

Although Levi was considered wealthy, he could not buy all the man's shares. When this news broke, people found out that Levi was dating you. Desperate people stopped you by the road and asked you to leave Levi as you weren't as compatible to Levi as the rich girl was. People called you names, begged and yelled at you to leave Levi because a lot of people's lives depended on this company.

This had caused a lot of pressure on you and your relationship. Levi promised to not leave you but you knew he wouldn't let the innocent people suffer as well. You saw the helplessness in his eyes. His peers suggested that he continued taking you as his mistress as "all rick people has mistresses anyway". But he didn't want you to be a mistress. You were the love of his life. You were the only one who was worthy to walk down the aisle and take the holy vow of eternal love with him.

After days of locking yourselves in the house, discussing and crying, you came to agree that Levi should marry the man's daughter.

.

It was hard seeing Levi became other person's husband to be. Levi never proposed to her, but the man and his family had made an a official notice to the press that Levi would marry his daughter soon.

Levi was photographed with the girl. The girl was awfully young and so beautiful as the exact opposite of you. They were photographed to be shopping together, branding them the "perfect couple". They were photographed ring shopping together, checking out the wedding venue together, meeting her parents and extended family. What would had been yours were robbed away and advertised everywhere.

Still, Levi came home to you every day. But you knew, after Levi got married, he would never step foot in this house again. Just the thought of this made you break down crying regardless where you were. Sometimes when you came home to a quite dark house, you would sit on the hard floor, sobbing. This was how it would be after Levi left. It felt like someone took the sun from your world and you would be frozen in the winter.

The night before Levi were to marry, the house was filtered with gloom and you sat with your puffy eyes staring at the ground. You couldn't look at Levi. You knew you should, but you couldn't bring your eyes to his as he spoke.

Gently, Levi led you to the balcony and pulled out three rings: an engagement ring, a promise ring and a wedding band. You started shaking as you laid eyes on the rings.

Levi got on one knee and asked for your hand in marriage. You were shaking so much, and he asked "please say yes, please." You nodded your head. With shaky hands, he slid the engagement ring over your finger.

Levi stood and wiped your tears off your face. He lovingly held your wet cheek.

"My darling, I don't need a pastor to marry you. Or people to witness our love. Tonight, the stars shall watch as we get married. They say that stars are million light years away from here, and our love shall travel for a million light years from now, forever alive even after Earth ceased to exist."

Levi then slid the wedding band over your finger. You eyes blurred with hot tears as you sucked in air from your runny nose. Levi's cheeks were wet with tears too. He pulled you, crashing your lips into his as you shared a deep, passionate kiss. Your eyes closed and eyebrows frown as you savoured this kiss. You pulled away, watching each other through red, blurred eyes.

Laying on the big bed, you were in each other arms. Levi asked if you would like to make love. "No," you shook your head, "I just want to hold you one last time."

Levi slipped his fingers into your scalp and pulled your head into his chest. He kissed your forehead before resting his tear stained cheek on your head, "we will hold each other again. I will come back to you. I promise you with my life." You felt the cold promise ring in your finger, but you wished for Levi instead.

All you could do was hold onto Levi while praying that the morning never comes.

PS: thank you beautiful stranger for sending me this ask and telling me you like my thoughts. you had made my week :) love you

[iheartzegras]

reassured - jack hughes

request: @hughesyluvr - 2 and 20 w Jack Hughes???

prompts: running your/their fingers through your/their hair and constant physical touch to reassure each other

here’s your request!! thanks for sending it! 🫶

——————————————————————————

being in a relationship with jack, you both constantly had to reassure each other that it was going to be okay. no matter a hard loss, or just a bad day, you both would be there for each other.

on multiple occasions, jack had come home from a game or practice feeling like he didn’t do enough. he felt like he had most part in leading the team. he always criticized himself too much, which lead to many nights with you comforting him. tonight was one of those nights.

jack normally got home late after games, due to the constant interviews. you didn’t mind this as he normally would sneak into bed with you when he arrived home. today, that wasn’t what had happened. jack had made his way into bed after he got unready, but for some reason he seemed off.

“jack, what’s the matter baby?” you whispered. “it’s nothing, just a rough game. that’s it”. you knew that he took these losses to heart.

you pulled him to you and started rubbing his back. this was something you both felt comforted and reassured by. it was some secret code that made you both feel safe.

“you gotta tell me what’s up” you softly stated. “i just don’t know what to do. normally i am able to do everything just fine, but lately i’ve felt too much pressure. the reporters keep stressing me with questions and it’s just getting too much” “jack, you should’ve told me. trust me, you’re playing just fine. don’t let this stuff get to you. i promise it’s not worth your time.”

you both had almost fallen asleep due to the comfortable silence. jack was still right next to you, arms wrapped around you with his face in the crook of your neck. you placed your fingers in his hair and started playing with it, something he always loved. he let out a satisfied murmur and soon you heard soft snores coming from just under you. you took that as your sign to also doze off into a comfortable sleep.

nights like these were familiar. even when these times were reversed and you were in jacks position, Jack did the same amount of reassuring and comforting. you both understood each other. you both felt safe. the two of you were bound to be together. you were soulmates.

——————————————————————————

first request done! i will try and work on some of them throughout this week!

i’m hoping to post one a day 🫶🫶

[pumpkincanoes]

Could I perhaps request a fic in which Collei gets hurt (by someone, up to you how bad it is) and Cynari are there supporting/helping her? I’m in a big hurt comfort mood and love the dads being dads

No pressure at all to actually write this! Thanks for your time anyways, and I love your work!

This was requested to me so, so long ago and I actually had a draft that was vaguely drabble-length... And then I kept changing it and adding to it and somehow 3k words later, here we are...

I will be posting this on Ao3 soon-ish, but I just need it out first and I will proofread later. Haven't decided on a title yet.

Contents: Hurt/Comfort Collei with her parental figures Cyno and Tighnari. The hurt is minimally explored, and I'm pretty dang sure this isn't what you asked for, but nevertheless.

Setting: Canonverse, set before the 3.5 Flagship event "Windblume's Breath". Collei gets hurt and the conversation that follows this incident becomes the catalyst of her inviting Cyno and Tighnari to accompany her to Mondstadt for the first time during Windblume. You are free to interpret Cynonari's relationship as platonic preslash, or established; they're not the center of this.

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"She's late, isn't here?" Tighnari murmurs as he puts down the main dish for tonight's dinner, eyes looking over the window.

Collei had finished her work early that Friday, and excused herself to go on a "little trip", promising that she would be back for family dinner Sunday evening. Tighnari doesn't have the heart to tell her that Mondstadian ryegrass is scarcely found in Sumeru's forests, which are predominantly covered by zoysias and carpetgrass. The bunches of ryegrass he finds littering her bag of samples, then, is enough to prove that the little trips she's been going to aren't "little" in the slightest—Nevertheless, he insists to Cyno, he's not planning to point this out any time soon.

Still, the worry in Tighnari's tone doesn't escape the Mahamatra’s ears. He knows how oddly distant Tighnari gets when it comes to Collei's 'secret' trips. Noting this, he silently pulls out a chair and gestures for him to sit down.

"She will get here eventually. Just wait." He says, taking over Tighnari's role of bringing over food from the kitchen.

Within a few seconds of him stepping away, he hears Collei's voice from the front of the hut.

"I'm home! I'm sorry I'm late, There was a passing shower and I had to stop for a while..."

"Welcome back, Collei!" Tighnari greets, smile as kind as ever. His relief only lasted a moment, though, because as soon as Collei stepped further inside, he could see that she was slightly limping.

Not to mention, she has little reason to stop her track for so long because of rain. She was wearing her coat and while it was more than just a little damp, as rainforest dwellers, coming home with a raincoat completely soaked was more than just a common occurrence.

"I'm going to put these in the kitchen and dry my clothes first, and then I'll join you guys!"

She hurriedly walks past the dinner table, motion stiff, and both Tighnari and Cyno scrunch their noses at the scent she carries. freshly cut Aloe Vera, and a bitter flower smell that Tighnari recognizes to be Qingxin.

Tighnari observes her for a while as she puts down her bag on the sofa. He glances over to Cyno with his brow raised, asking to confirm his suspicions.

Cyno has his eyes narrowed as he watches Collei and then looks over to Tighnari to give him a nod.

"I also smell blood," he whispers, barely audible.

That was all that Tighnari needed. He stands up and walks over to Collei, who so far has made no motion to remove her dampened coat, and instead has been fiddling with her stuff in the kitchen.

"Collei," He calls out, and with little to no decorum he adds,

"Show me your leg."

Collei looks at him nervously, but still tries to laugh it off.

"Err, why...?”

"What, you come to dinner smelling like you've coated yourself in blood and aloe, and you expect me to not say anything?" Tighnari scolds, arms crossed in front of his chest. And yet his expression wasn't an angry one.

"Ah... ahaha..." Collei steps away from the kitchen to sit down on the sofa instead. Partly in embarrassment, but also because she couldn't quite decipher what her Master's gaze meant.

Cyno stands up to approach her as well, and she feels the distinct sensation that she is being taken apart.

She opens her coat to show her clearly-injured left leg, and Cyno was half expecting to see an open wound. This is Collei, however; survivor of over a decade of Eleazar, and Tighnari's best pupil. So all he sees is slightly damp and dirty bandages covering her left shin.

"I did try my best! but it has been... a while..."

Since she had to dress her own wounds, Cyno summarizes. And that's a good thing. He walks over to the kitchen, working quickly to gather a new set of bandages to replace the dampened one.

Tighnari lets off an amused huff, though his expression remains pensive. The bandage was made using a different type of fabric, and the salve lacked the tell-tale hints of myrrh and zaytun peach in its odor.

"No, this is better than most emergency first-aids I've seen. You're good at it, as always. Are these Amber's usual supplies?"

"Wh- what makes you think it was Amber's?!" Collei retaliates, her stiff tone showing more guilt than she probably intended there to be.

"...Collei, we prepare our herbs and medicine ourselves. You think I wouldn't notice if you were missing half of the ingredients in your salve?" He challenges.

"Right..." Collei deflates almost immediately.

It was like second nature for Tighnari to kneel down and start taking off the bandage on her leg. Just a few years ago, these bandages were like her second skin. It was weird, seeing them on her again after so long. He gently pulled off the clip and began unraveling the damp fabric, the lower parts of which were dirtied with mud.

Shortly after, Cyno came back from the kitchen with a bowl of warm water in his hand. On his free hand he carried a wad of fresh bandages and a bag of Tighnari's healing salve.

"You seem to be under the impression that I'm not aware of your trips. Just because I do not say anything doesn't mean I don't know."

He says this with a smile, but Collei is looking away, only listening to him with a pained expression. Tighnari silently takes over the supplies that Cyno brought, dipping a clean cloth in the bowl to start cleaning the wound.

"I'm sorry..."

Her voice was strained, and it snapped Tighnari out of his motions. The hands treating Collei with the gentle yet firm mannerism built into his muscle memory now carried the weight of hesitation.

It wasn't his intention to make Collei feel guilty about anything—Let alone about her being hurt.

A familiar sense of isolation creeps under Tighnari’s skin. He holds back a sigh— he knew that Collei would take it the wrong way. In reality, he wasn't sighing for her actions, but for his own. His position as her mentor and caretaker made it hard for him to show genuine care. After all, He is—as his best friend Kaveh would call him—a strict parent; and he was admitting this while still being adamant that he isn’t her parent at all.

Hence, saying something that would be comforting for Collei right now proves to be harder than he'd like. Not because he doesn't want to say them, but he feels the explicit dread that words would fail him. Or perhaps that he would fail to say anything that would close the distance he was trying to reach.

So as he lets the wiping cloth sink into the bowl, he instead looks over to Cyno, who has been watching the two with quiet worry the whole time. He had a sympathetic expression, one that was maybe only micrometers different from his neutral one—but Tighnari could tell, anyway.

He ushers Cyno to step closer with a bend of his ear, gesturing for him to take over. Avoiding Collei's gaze, he stands up to take her damp coat from where it had been sitting on the sofa.

"I'll hang this up to dry for you,"

He says, and practically flees. And if Collei wasn’t also hurt, she would clearly see how dejected he looked, ears and tail somehow drooping lower and lower with each of his steps.

🌱

Cyno’s movements were awkward, at best. Up until a few months ago, Collei would get phantom pains just looking at him—and as much as that saddens him, he understands with utmost sincerity that what she is experiencing was a byproduct of trauma, and didn’t stem from any fear she had towards him, as a person (In fact, she is not at all scared of him as a person. Her determined rouge-colored eyes really do remind him too much of Tighnari, sometimes).

Because of that, he always prioritized her comfort first and foremost, and kept his distance, even as his little heart dared to dance when she started lowering her guard, joining him in dinners with Tighnari every so often.

Nevertheless, old habits die hard, and so at present he is drying Collei’s wound at a snail’s pace, with a delicateness that even Tighnari’s worst pupils would reprimand. He presses the damp towel like Collei’s skin is made of paper-thin sugar glass—which is to say he does not press it, really, at all.

"General... Do you think Master is upset?"

Collei hasn’t sounded this meek and unsure for months now, Cyno recalls. He makes a conscious effort to soften his tone.

"...What makes you say that?"

(It doesn’t go all that well.)

“Well, he said he’d always know about me… sneaking out to Mondstadt every once in a while. But he never said anything about it. Before this, he would forbid me from going even outside of Avidya Forest.

“Do you think he just… got too frustrated?”

Cyno lifts his head to observe the young girl, but she only cowered even deeper into herself. He focuses back his attention to finally finish drying Collei’s leg, putting down the cloth as he contemplated his answer.

“Hmm. I do not think it is anger, necessarily.”

“B- But he must be upset, right?! That's why he acts so distant every time I come back!”

He noticed that was one of Tighnari’s newer habits, as well. He gets quiet when Collei comes back from her trip. He’d asked about it a number of times, and Tighnari seemed to vehemently deny it, at first. Eventually, under the covers of one quiet night, Tighnari explained his reasoning— afterwards, Tighnari only managed to justify it by saying, ‘Collei doesn’t realize it, so it doesn’t matter.’

Clearly he was wrong. Collei didn’t realize why he did it, but she observes Tighnari extremely closely—A privilege she has by being his pupil—So closely, in fact, that Cyno trusts Collei could shoot down her own worries in the matter; She just needs a little nudge in the right direction.

“...Suppose that he is upset, why do you think that is?” He approaches.

“Because I didn't listen to him…?”

Cyno shakes his head, expression stern. His eyes convey with clarity, I know you don’t truly believe that—And it was true. Collei has always been a smart, reasonable child. She knows more than anyone why her Master had been so strict with her. Why he needed to be so restrictive in her activities.

Collei sighs and tries again, with more honesty.

“Because he is worried about me…”

A beat of silence, and then,

"...Surprisingly enough, no." Cyno says, and while he didn’t notice it himself, Collei could've sworn she saw him smile for a split second.

"He is worried, yes, but he knows you can handle yourself well enough. He trusts you.”

“Then why… “ Why act like that, if he did trust her?

Why must he be so protective, even months after her Eleazar had healed completely?

Cyno looks over to the kitchen, where they could both see Tighnari’s shadow reflected from the light. Collei follows his gaze and does the same. He was taking a long while, Collei notes, to put away a singular coat. She knows it was an excuse, and she thought she also knew why he needed to leave. But…

“...He is simply lonely."

She looks over to Cyno in disbelief. His expression is exceptionally kind as he said so—full of affection and just a little bit somber. Collei only then notices that he had finished applying salve on her wound, but it wasn’t Tighnari’s batch. The fragrance is masked by the Aloe Vera gel, but the blue-violet coloring indicated that it was Collei’s original variation, one mixed with Rukkhashava Mushrooms.

“He fears that you do not trust him enough to tell him the purpose of your trips. And today, he felt even lonelier, because you did not tell him of your injuries right away."

She remembers her master rejecting so many different iterations of the salve. It was too watery, and then too concentrated, and then too acidic… And then one day after countless trials, she had finally succeeded—She wonders why the failed iterations and rejections had been so easy to recall, but not the wonderful dinner she had to celebrate its completion, nor the pride she could see in her master’s eyes as he told the story for the 14th time, and retells it again to anyone willing to listen.

Inwardly she wonders, why is it that she had doubted her master’s trust in her, while assuming that he didn’t have those same doubts himself?

“...”

“I... just didn't want to burden him. I feel like Master is always taking care of me."

She knew it was a silly worry, and now after all of this, she knew that she probably shouldn’t let that get to her. But nevertheless, it was embarrassing to have her master taking care of her again, after so long. She thought she was better than this. She thought she couldn’t rely on him anymore.

Now, however… She wants nothing more than to be proven wrong.

Cyno doesn’t give her a reply, instead knitting his brows so tightly it almost seems like a display of anger at the bandages he was trying to wrap. Cyno wasn’t bad at tending to wounds, of course. Both spending time with Tighnari and the nature of his job meant that he needed to be skilled at first aid. And yet Collei could see telltale signs of fear and hesitation in the way he worked the bandages up her leg. The forth wrap barely pulled taut, and the previous three already slackened and threatened to slide down at any moment.

She chuckles a little, at that. Cyno was feared by most to be ruthless and cruel— but right now it seems like he was the one who was terrified of even the smallest of nicks on her skin. She bends down to fix the loosening wraps, expression fond.

Cyno makes some space to let her hold on to the slackened fabric, but he doesn’t let go of the remaining roll. Instead he says,

“How about this, then. Try asking him to fix this up for you.”

Collei glances at Cyno, startled—then she quickly looks away again.

“But I…”

She can feel Cyno’s sharp crimson gaze on her skin, it reaches her very soul. And yet instead of prying open all of her secrets, it merely pushes her forward:

“Just trust me.”

And so she does.

She never truly feared Cyno the way other people seem to be. She hasn’t thought of him as anything close to intimidating for years, now— But still, she had understood why people would conclude as such. He’s always been a little weird (still is), and Collei certainly used to think his crimson eyes could be unnerving at times.

Now though, Collei doesn’t think she has ever been given as much courage as Cyno is giving her.

She nods, and Cyno finally hands her the roll of bandages, stepping away to let her speak to Tighnari.

Tighnari, who has been pretending to not hear their entire conversation.

(He really tried to not listen. He really, truly did. Sometimes he wishes he has the blessing of a normal hearing range, but alas, he does not.)

And Collei knows he’s only pretending not to hear it because, well, it’s Tighnari— But also because, when she casts her gaze to the kitchen, his treacherous tail was very tightly wound on his right thigh. This is something he does when he is actively trying to stop it from swishing.

She smiles a bit at that. In a sudden burst of shamelessness she can really only blame Cyno for, she calls out,

“Master?”

Tighnari’s ear twitches, and he very slowly turns his head to look at her, expression almost alarmingly even.

“Yes?” He asks, and Collei draws a breath and says,

"Um... Could you help me with this?"

Instantly, Collei could see Tighnari's face light up.

"Of course."

Collei is asking her master a favor—something she had spent most of her adolescence feeling guilty about—and her master looks at her as if she had just hung the very stars.

It is funny, Collei thinks back again. Since when was her master so excited about dressing wounds? His words certainly didn't show it; he rambled on his usual speech—one she had heard a thousand times, about applying enough pressure and keeping the salve spread evenly—but she didn't recall it ever being delivered with such a relieved tone, before now.

She could not see her master's expressions, but if the silent swishing of his tail is any indicator, she's pretty damn sure he is smiling.

Which is silly, considering she was also pretty damn sure he was angry at her just moments ago.

She looked up to see Cyno watching them from his seat. wordlessly, she mouthed a 'thank you' at him, who responded with a dutiful nod. This time, his soft expression does not slip Collei's notice, and she feels proud that she is able to read him just a little better these days.

“Please tell Tighnari where you’re going, next time.” Cyno comments from behind Tighnari.

“Okay.”

“And ask for help if you are injured.” he adds, and Collei could see the tip of Tighnari’s ears warming into a peach color.

“Okay.”

“And don’t stay away for—”

“That’s enough..!” Tighnari cuts him off, his ears bend down in annoyance with tail raised stiff. His entire face seemed tinted with pink, now.

Cyno doesn't say anything in response, his expression barely a smirk. Collei couldn’t help but let out a giggle as she heard her master sigh.

“...I— You don’t have to do any of that if you don’t want to, of course. It’s… I just…”

Collei chuckles, “Master, I know. It’s okay.”

“Yes, well. you know now, because Cyno’s a snitch, but I haven’t…”

“General Cyno only told me because you didn’t.” She dares herself to grin, and Tighnari looks positively aghast.

He shows an angry face– At least, Collei assumes it’s supposed to be, but his eyes were glassy with unspilled tears, and his tail was still swishing, so it isn’t really all that intimidating.

“I wanted to tell you myself, you know,” He starts, slowly turning his frown into a soft smile.

“I want to tell you I’m worried about you. And I want to tell you that I will keep worrying even if you become the toughest, best, most amazing Forest Ranger there is. Because I'm selfish like that.

“I wanted to ask you… to let me tend to all of your wounds, even if you become the best Amurta researcher or the best doctor in Birmastan— I wanted to ask you to trust me enough to do that. Because I care about you.”

Collei’s breath hitches.

“...I do trust you, though.”

Tighnari hums, positively beaming, now. “I know, Collei. I know you do.” He says, and adds,

“I should be saying sorry for not expressing myself clearly, before.”

Collei’s answer was almost instantaneous, “There is nothing to forgive!”

“...I'm also sorry for not telling you where I’ve been going. And about the injury.”

It’s Tighnari’s turn to chuckle this time, face impossibly kind as he says,

“There is nothing to forgive.”

•············································•✦•············································•

[spicywhenspeaking]

yeahhh someone must stop @madomens !!!! (not really)

she keeps making stuff and that makes me want to make stuff!!!!

anyway here’s some Jolly Smut! Based on this post

Warnings : rough sex, unprotected sex ( gasp! ), language, misscommunication (noooo!!!!), tiny angst w/ a happy ending!! I have no idea I just started going.

It’s become a habit. He texts when he’s in town and I drop everything to see him. For days we are wrapped up in each other’s arms, fucking and laughing and spending hours talking. He almost knows me more than some of my closest friends. And yet, when those few days are over he’s gone. Disappeared into vapor like he never existed. We’ve tried texting but when he’s on the road he’s unreachable. Always focused on work and music. 

This weekend is like everyone before. He texted me when his flight got in and asked when he could see me. I finished the work I was doing early and twenty minutes later I was swinging my apartment door open and throwing my arms around my tall Swedish…something. Not my boyfriend but not enough for friends with benefits and it feels like more than hooking up. I don’t know what it is but I’m happy to have it. He breathes me in, kissing my shoulder, my cheek, and then a passion-fueled kiss against my mouth. “My Käraste, I have missed you,” he tells me once we break apart from our kiss. 

“I missed you too,” I say as I back up to give him space to walk fully in the door. 

He quickly drops his bag and pushes me against the wall. “It’s been so long since the last time I had you, I cannot wait another moment Käraste.” He surges forward to kiss me roughly and I melt to his touch. Taking myself wherever he leads. 

He always calls me that.  “Käraste”. I have no idea what it means and have tried to look it up. I can’t spell for shit because Google never knows what I mean.

He’s kissing me and groping every part of my body he can reach. Suddenly he’s spinning me around with my face pressed against the door. I feel the hard length of him pressed against me and I whine out loud shamelessly. 

He chuckles. “I guess you missed me too” 

I nod and press my backside tight against his bulge. 

“I will worship your body later, I promise. But right now, I need to feel your hot cunt on my cock or I’ll lose my mind.”

Unable to utter words I just nod again as he sharply pulls down the small gray lounge shorts I was wearing along with my underwear in one fell swoop. He smacks my ass with a brash palm causing a loud pop and then rubs and squeezes the reddened skin. “You have a great ass, I always say this.” I giggle and shake it playfully. He brings down another harsh smack. “Ah!” I moan out. “There will be plenty of time to play later. I need you now” his voice is deep and sultry and my already wet pussy coats with a new wave of arousal. 

“Yes, please Jolly. I need your cock” I beg urgently as my desire for him magnifies. 

He spreads my legs apart slightly and I hear the sound of his zipper going down. I don’t have time to think before he’s bottoming in one push. “Oh fuck!” I call out. The pressure of him filling me so suddenly shocks me but then he’s pulling out and slamming back into me and the shock dissolves into pleasure. “Jolly! Yes, fuck me” I moan out wantonly. He grunts as he starts thrusting in at an unrelenting pace. “Fuck baby, you’re so fucking wet. You like taking my cock?” He whispers hotly against my ear and then nibbles gently on my lobe and my eyes roll up into my head. 

“Yes Jolly, I love taking your cock. Ah!” I yelp and buck against him as much as I can taking him deeper and he’s moaning louder in my ear. Grunting and whispering sweetly into my ear, “You feel so good baby, missed you.” He grins against my cheeks and continues to pound into me relentlessly. “Do you think you can cum from just my cock?” he taunts. 

I nod, already teetering the edge of release, and with a few more deep thrusts he’s hitting every nerve inside of me and I’m writhing against him moaning out in pleasure. He’s soon to follow pulling out swiftly and spilling his hot load across my butt and lower back.

Turning around to pull him deeper into a kiss I grab his hand and lead him towards the shower so we can clean up and continue our marathon of sex. 

When it’s time for him to leave again a few days late it feels different than other times. “When can I see you again?” I ask, trying to sound casual. 

“Soon, my Käraste.” he tells me as he kisses all over my face and I start to giggle. 

A few weeks later I see pictures of him and a woman I didn’t recognize all over Twitter, all of the comments were saying “Jolly Karlsson Of Bad Omens out with his girlfriend.” I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt, but, we never talked about being exclusive. I should have known he would eventually find someone he wanted to be with publicly. He always told me we needed to keep our relationship private, like a secret. 

The next time he’s in town he texts me but I don’t respond. 

JJ: Baby? Are you home?

JJ: My Käraste, where are you?

Y/N: I’m busy, why don’t you go spend time with your girlfriend.

An hour later I’m eating a bag of kettle corn and watching a new episode of The Golden Bachelor, sobbing, when there’s a knock at my door. Wiping the tears from my eyes I pause the tv and walk to open the door. To my surprise, it’s Jolly standing there. 

“Girlfriend? What do you mean my girlfriend?” He asks and pushes past me into my apartment. 

“Since when do I have a different girlfriend?” 

I roll my eyes, “It was all over Twitter, you and some girl hanging out, people saying they’ve seen the two of you all over town together. You want to keep us some dirty secret but you’ll walk her all over Los Angeles.” I snap at him and begin to pace back and forth. I keep the door open to send him back out soon. He looks at me like I’m speaking a language he doesn’t understand. “What? Those pictures? That was my cousin! She came in to visit LA and I showed her around. Why didn’t you just text me?” he asks and I scoff. “We never text Jolly, what are you talking about? You text me when you’re in town and fuck me. Then ask me not to say anything.” 

He visibly deflates, “I text you when I come into town to see you, which is about every three weeks if you can recall. I call you my Käraste, my dearest. I didn’t ask you to be my secret because I wished to hide you from the world. I wanted privacy so that we could keep our relationship to ourselves.” He’s breathless and staring at me, lost with what to do next. 

“You’re coming into town just to see me? I thought you were visiting someone or working?” I ask confused and I move past him and closing the door. “I only come here to see you, since that first time we met I haven’t been able to get enough. I crave you, always wanting to be near.” He winds his arms around my waist and pulls me closer. “So you don’t have a girlfriend is what I’m hearing, and you really like me?” I ask trying to put it all together. He chuckles “I think I do have a girlfriend though, If she’ll have me?”