#posting pressure stuff soon I promise

[sirfrogalott]

Cyn ‼️‼️

Other versions below

[idunnowhattowriteheretbh]

Hello

I may haven't posted in a while-

But I have sum art

Say hello to my Pressure oc that I didn't almost forget to share

I haven't thought much details about em yet and this design is probably gonna change a bit

I didn't have any octopus reference while drawing it so I'm gonna change it slightly

Also they have luminescent scales

I'll draw more stuff for em soon and try to figure out more details for em lmao

[strangefable]

Finally got my queue cleared to only ~80 posts in it (wahooooo!) so. I have added everything i've been tagged in this month to come back around to haunt all y'all with my commentary tags <3

[onlyangel4]

I love your stuff and this is my first time requesting anything sorry if I'm doing it wrong but can you do stargazing by Myles Smith with George Russell?

stargazing. gr63. smau.

george russell x girlfriend!reader

george has posted pictures of you but you have never been to a grand prix and as soon as the fans see you and george together they realise just how perfect you are for him.

faceclaim: lana condor

georgerussell posted a story tagging y/ninsta

written: surprise! both y/n and darla will be in austria this weekend

y/ninsta posted a story

written: i promise darla is excited to watch her dad race and to meet roscoe

mercupdates

liked by user1, user2, user3 and 43,283 others

mercupdates: george has arrived to the paddock for media day and for the first time he is joined by his girlfriend of two years, y/n y/ln and their dog darla.

view all 432 comments

user1: i just watched the video of them entering the paddock and darla running straight over to toto, they have deffo met before.

user2: i'm so excited to see y/n in the paddock

user3: i can't wait for darla to meet roscoe

user4: my fav dog mum and dad

georgerussell posted a story

written: as you can see i am over the moon that y/n is in the paddock today

y/ninsta posted a story

written: while the boys are in a meeting i am in charge of the dogs. as you can see roscoe is overjoyed.

georgerussellfan

liked by user5, user6, user7 and 34,238 others

georgerussellfan: okay so the cutest thing just happened in the press conference. a reporter said, "i understand that there is someone very important to you in the paddock today george" and then y/n whooped and george said, "hi babygirl!, yes my girlfriend and dog are here today, it is definitely more pressure having them in the paddock i would rather not embarrass myself in front of y/n"

view all 298 comments

user5: "babygirl" i'm going to throw up they are so cute

user6: we have never seen y/n and george together before and i love them so much already

user7: i need y/n to attend more races so we get more cute moments like these

y/ninsta posted a story

written: qualifying day outfit

mercedesamgf1 posted a story

written: y/n is claiming she is "just a girl" after telling admin that she thought the cars just went "80mph like someone speeding on the motorway"

y/ninsta posted a story tagging georgerussell

written: this man drives all day and still refuses to let me drive us to the hotel

y/ninsta posted a story

written: race day baby

f1fan posted a story

written: guys i have a paddock pass for today and i just walked past george and y/n. y/n was wearing a pair of mercedes brand crocs and george was carrying her heels. she stopped and spoke to me quickly she said she "made the rookie mistake of wearing heels" they are so cute

mercedesamgf1 posted a story

written: toto wolff better watch out, y/n is after his job.

y/ninsta

liked by georgerussell, lewishamilton, landonorris and 624,119 others

tagged: georgerussell

y/ninsta: proud feels like an understatement

view all 4,281 comments

georgerussell: told you that i was not going to embarrass myself in front of you

y/ninsta: you definitely didn't embarrass yourself

mercedesamgf1: petition for you to come to every race

user8: i just love this couple so much

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

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[evvlevie]

Yes, I promise you will shift and/or manifest that thing you want.

Hi besties, it's your girl Evie again, after what seems like ages of me being away for stuff like not failing my uni-exams (!!!)

For my first post after my big pause, I chose to share a little bit of knowledge with you guys, that helped me get through my manifestation-journey / shifting-journey

"If you really want something, it is guaranteed to be yours"

Really simple, but REALLY important.

this is valid for big stuff like SP-manifestations and shifting just like for small stuff e. g. manifesting good weather.

the universe loves you. It loves you so much, that as soon as it registered your desire, all efforts are being made in order to get it to you the fasted way possible.

Yes, that "fastest way possible" can mean time frames that go up to years sometimes.

I have read about success stories of people who "waited" (yes I know that waiting is the wrong terminology here, please don't come for me) for multiple years until the bridge of incidences has played out in the way that it had to, so that the desire could arrive in the way it needed to.

You need to stop treating manifestation as this quick fix for everything ever, because yes desires can manifest within minutes but sometimes they just simply don't.

You need to remember that you wanting something, just means future you has it, and is directing you towards the thing that is "your destiny" through your desires.

This also means one thing: The universe has shown you what shifting is. You desire to shift to a certain place. That means you have already shifted there and you are now experiencing the path that got you there. And when you look at that, wouldn't you agree that it isn't really important on how much pressure you put on it, because since you want it, you are PROMISED to get it anyway? And since you are reading this post, you were supposed to hear me say this, so maybe just believe me for a moment.

Seriously that's how I view my life at this point. Any of my desires are just indicators to me of what I have in the future.

And since I know that, it's way easier to not give power to unlikeable 3D-circumstances, because I already have the spoiler that I get the thing I desire. I wouldn't desire it, if I wasn't getting it anyway. Those unpleasant 3D-Situations are just means to an end, they are just the bridge of incidences that gets me from point desiring to point having it in the physical realm. (Very small reminder here: If an unpleasant situation arises you can react to it, and it won't meddle with your manifestations badly, because as I mentioned, they are promised to you. Many people think that ignoring the 3D means detaching from your very human emotions, which really isn't the point of experiencing the human experience. The point of the human experience are the many emotions attached to it. Ignoring the 3D means, at least to me, that even if it seems very unlikely for the desires to harden into fact and that even it the utter opposite of your desire has shown up, you need to remind yourself that your desire is still promised and guaranteed and that you are receiving it, although unpleasantries appear.)

What I am trying to say here:

If you haven't shifted, yet: don't pressure yourself, don't stress yourself and don't think you are doing something wrong just because you have been trying to shift for a certain amount of time, and still have not.

⇢ because since you want it, you have already done it. You just have to live through the experience of how you got there. And this experience has its length, whether you like it or not. This length is different for each and every person out there. There is no reason to get demotivated. Because why would you if it is already set in stone, that you will have shifted once you lived through the experience of finding out how to shift? You shouldn't go to bed thinking "I hope I shift tonight" and you shouldn't be waking up thinking "Damn it, I can't shift since I didn't last night".

I go to bed excited because I KNOW for certain that I will experience my shift and that every night could be the night and I wake up in my CR thinking "Oh well, looks like the time hasn't come yet, but I know it will."

If you want something, it is already on its fastest way possible to get to you. No "if" , "and" or "but".

Yours in every reality,

Evie <3

[thecapricunt1616]

Hello everyone! I am truly sorry for not posting as of late. I’ve been dealing with mental health stuff, also my laptop got broken :( So it hasn’t been as easy to write. I do have my iPad/wireless keyboard, but it just isn’t as comfortable to write on / I worry that the format will look like shit. I do feel poorly though because all of my moots have been writing a lot lately, and my blog has been so dry! I am really trying to get my mental health in check so obtaining a job will be easier and in turn, my work will probably be (somewhat) better. I hope this suffices, though, for the time being. I promise I’m trying to get a new laptop just as soon as I can <3 I appreciate all of your patience with me :) I have never written for our darling prince Lip Gallagher before- but he has been making me fairly crazy lately, so I wanted to give my go at writing for him, I haven’t watched the college Lip ep’s in a while so I hope it’s alright - sorry if it’s not fully canon! Tell me how I did if you’d like! xoxo - Capri <3 :)

(Warnings - smut choking (consensual) unprotected PIV sex, not very edited or proof read bc im tired ❤️❤️❤️)

”Hump my fuckin leg one more time, I swear to god. If you don’t just sit in my fuckin’ lap, and behave y’not gonna like me. I told you, I have 3 more fuckin’ papers to grade- like a cat in fuckin’ heat” he grumbled, not looking up from the homework assignment he’d been grading for the professor he’d been working under.

You pouted, squeezing his thigh that you had been straddling and working your way up to fully dragging your swollen, needy cunt across his worn out denim beneath your flower printed panties. A frustrated huff leaved your lips, before connecting them with the warm, tobacco scented skin of his neck and planting a gentle kiss. “Wanna feel good, Lip. Y’bein mean” you said, voice quiet and laced with the neediness he couldn’t quite ignore, or deny.

“Jesus fucking Christ. Fine, Need a smoke anyway. But you want it so bad, you can fuckin’ get y’self off” he walked over to the dorm window, pushing it open to let out the smoke out and put a cigarette to his lips, lighting it and plopping down on the bed, popping the button of his jeans. You were sat there dumbly, jaw dropped at the fact that he didn’t put up more of a fight. ”You have until the end of this fuckin smoke. You gonna come do somethin’ er sit there lookin’ like a goddamn trout?” He teased.

You quickly got up, pushing him to lay down and tugging his cock just enough out of his jeans and boxers, spitting in your hand before beginning to stroke him quickly, thumbing over his sensitive tip and he grunted softly, smoke plooming out of his nose as he plucked the cigarette from between his lips. “see that fuckin wet stain you left on my jeans? Such a needy whore f’me yeah?” He mused, watching as you pumped him faster, mouth dropping slightly as he hardened in the pressure of your palm until he was throbbing.

”Only yours -“ your jaw falls slack as you ran the tip of his cock through your wet folds, gathering your arousal and using his tip to rub over your clit. His eyes nearly rolled back, putting the cigarette between his lips and taking another large drag. He looked down as you rutted your hips back and forth over his thick now throbbing length.

“Only half a cig left, kitten. You gonna get y’self off with it er’ just fuck around, ‘eh?” He asked impatiently. You rolled your eyes sassily, aligning him with your entrance and sitting back, a whimper leaving your throat since you hadn’t the time to get yourself fully ready for him and the stretch he provided was never anything you could adjust to no matter how many times you took it.

A small grunt left his throat, hips rutting up into you subconsciously a gasp left your throat as he shifted his hips forward, rutting into that most sensitive and spongey spot inside of you that made white stars form behind your lids and your thighs shake. You whine as your head fell back, hips trembling as you lifted yourself up and down over his cock. “Jesus- so fucking big….” You manage to get out, bringing a trembling hand down to play with your puffy, throbbing clit.

”Finally feel good? Hm? Little fuckin’ brat. Shoulda fucked your face instead mm? Bet you’d love that shit” he reached over and put out his mostly gone cigarette on the ash tray and you began furiously rolling your hips, worried he was gonna pull you off and tell you that it was time for him too get back to work.

”Yes- yes daddy, such a brat- your brat. Please- please let me finish- feel so good- please” you rambled, voice needy and begging. He huffed a nearly mocking chuckle, grabbing you by the throat and pushing you down onto the mattress. It wasn’t painful, it just cut off your blood flow just right to where there was this sweet, fuzzy feeling in your head, causing your vision to go slightly hazy around the edges.

“I’ve created a fuckin monster - huh? Addicted t’my cock now. Can’t even go 12 hours without gettin’ filled up.” He was practically speaking into your sweaty, flushed skin of your temple, His voice a gruff row grumble. He used his other hand to rut up your tshirt, palming your tit roughly and rolling your nipple between his fingers. You squeaked out, hips jerking at the motion which urged him deeper and made your eyes roll at the overstimulation.

”shit - like that, huh? You like that? When I pound you this fuckin’ deep?” He snapped his hips faster, short, sweet little ah-ah-ah squeaks being torn from your throat with each nearly punishing thrust. You nod quickly, looking up at him in awe stricken lust as you clench around him.

“Ohh are you gonna cum? Is my little fuckin brat gonna cum? Mmm? You gonna cum around my cock?” He taunts in the shell of your ear, the hand that was playing with your nipple sliding down to play with your clit as the other stated wrapped firmly around your throat. Your hips jerk, feet planting on the bed as your back arches while your body tries to escape the oncoming tidal wave of pleasure that was threatening to take over.

“Mmhmm. Y’gonna cum- feel you fuckin’ milking my cock- go ahead baby - let go” he goads as he stroked your twitching bud faster. You let out something akin to a sob, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes and breath hitching as your vision blurs out momentarily, body going slack other then your trembling thighs, and nails that were slapping and clawing at Lips back as he drives you through it, his thrusts becoming sloppier and harder at the feeling of you pulsating around him like a second heartbeat and your creamy white arousal seeping around him and covering his cock with each thrust.

“That’s fuckin it- that’s it kitten” he groaned, spreading out your pussy with a slack jaw, watching as his cock punched in and out of you, rutting against your g spot each and every time - in turn causing pathetic pleas for you weren’t sure what coming from your throat.

“Please what, baby- want me to fill you up? Hm? Need my cum drippin outta’ you after I fuck you to sleep here so I can finish my fuckin work in peace?” He coos mockingly, tugging you by your hair forcing you to look at him.

You sniffled, tears seeping from the corners of your eyes pathetically and drool dribbling down your chin from how he was fucking you so good your tongue had nearly fallen out of your mouth like some kind of puppy - “s-sorry- jus’love your- your cock” you hiccuped an over stimulated sob as he used his thumb abuse the nub further which in turn caused another strangled moan to leave your throat and head to fall back to the pillow.

“Awww I know Angel. You take it so well- like a good little toy” he mumbled into your skin, his words causing you to clench and dribble around him slightly, the raspiness of his voice mixed with the praise doing something to you you couldn’t quite explain.

“So good- so good daddy m’so good” you cry out as he fills you up, cock twitching and pulsing between your walls in the most delicious way. You gasped in delight, wrapping your legs tight around his hips and tugging your pelvis’ taut and comfortably, enjoying the feeling of being filled up to the hilt.

“Got shit t’do as much as I wanna live in your cunt, baby. Gotta get back at it” he kissed your forehead, grabbing a T shirt from his laundry pile and tossing it to you to clean yourself up as he fixed his jeans and went to sit back at his desk, leaving you well satiated

All be it a little sore and wanting post sex snuggles,

You win some, you lose some.

[jinx-xxed]

Chasing the Light

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*

A/N: Kylo Ren my one and only 🤞 I have a lot of stuff I can post about him so stay tuned (hopefully)

Summary; Your nightmares become your reality when the man who’s been terrorizing your mind finally appears before you to see who you really are.

Content; AFAB reader (barely mentioned), reusing some scenes from Rey (sorry queen), Force user hunted by Kylo Ren, mind probing, fight scenes

Wc; 3.2k

☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆.。.:*・°☆ .。.:*

Your dreams have become haunted.

Haunted by darkness, haunted by the screech of an unstable, red blade. Haunted by a dark helmet, visor rimmed in silver, cape wavering in the wind. The figure appears in flashes, darkness surrounding him so thoroughly that it’s suffocating. The scene is different each time; once it was on a rain soaked field, bodies of those cut down by that blade laying around your feet. Another, you were in a forest where it was cold and harsh. Whoever it is, he knows you’re there. He’d came for you once, lightsaber brandished, like he wanted to cut through you before the dream ripped you away. You wake up in a cold sweat each time, a deep panic settled into your bones that follows you for the rest of the day and makes you dread the coming night.

So that’s why, when those dark ships blot the sky, you know what it means.

“Go, take my ship at the end of town and get as far away from here as you can.” You say sternly, ushering your family towards the back door of your home. The streets are in a panic, people running about as darkness descends, desperate to escape. “Try to get to Atrisia, the coordinates are already set into the system. You’ll be safe there.”

Your mother turns in your grip, her hand cupping your cheek, brows creased. “Come with us, my firelight. Please.”

You hesitate, eyes tracing her face as if you can burn it into your memory. Hair like yours, lines on her skin marking her age, bright eyes—eyes wet with tears. You lean into her touch, your hand eclipsing her own, her skin warm and calloused. A sigh blows through your nose, eyes closing briefly to hold back what you feel building at the edges. “I can’t, momma. It’ll only put the rest of you in danger.” Your voice is quiet, like it’s not even yours.

“I don’t care! Don’t make me leave you!” She begs, clinging to the off-white fabric of your robes.

Your father gently pulls your mother away before you break. The whir of engines can be heard outside. “Come on, dear, we need to get going.” He keeps an arm around her, whispering things into her ear. Something about how they knew a day like this would come.

You sniff harshly and bring them in, trying your damndest to wrap your arms around your mother, father, and brother. “I’ll be okay, I promise. I’ll find my way back to you as soon as I can.” You try to make yourself believe your own words too. You look at them all one last time as the ground begins to shake. You practically push them out of the door. “Go, go! Please.”

You ignore your mother’s protests as you turn away, hurrying towards the front door. You rip it open, looking to the sky and watching the TIE fighters come screaming in. They’re already shooting, blowing holes in the earth and sparking flames to life. They’re not targeting civilians yet, instead firing off target on purpose, like an intimidation tactic. Your teeth grit, anger boiling in your blood. These intruders, these murderers that act more robot than human, coming to my home and ripping everything apart.

A TIE fighter explodes in the sky right above you.

You jolt, broken out of your haze as smoking metal falls to the ground. Shit. Shit, shit, shit-! You did not mean to do that. You practically just put a massive beacon on you, telling these bastards that what they’re looking for is here. You feel a strange buzzing in the back of your mind, an intimidating pressure, something that’s oddly familiar and has you wincing. You recall your dreams—the ones that have caused you so much terror for the past two weeks—and panic flares up, worse than it already was. Your lightsaber feels like it’s burning a hole into your side.

You break into a run towards the trees just as a massive ship touches down. A command ship.

Your breath comes in desperate pants to your lungs as twigs snap beneath your boots, underbrush catching on your robes as you shove it aside. Maybe, maybe if you can just get far enough away, if you keep running, they won’t find you. Or, you can at least draw them away from the town—away from the people you’ve known all your life. You can only hope and pray to whatever gods may be watching over you that your family made it out of here safely.

That pressure you felt only grows the further you get, which only serves to confuse you. It should be the opposite, so why-

A red lightsaber ignites before you.

You jump back in fear, entire body tensing as his dark form emerges from behind a tree. He’s huge, both in height and build, looming over you with muscles encased in the darkness of his uniform. There’s a hood pulled over his helmet, resembling something like death itself, that same silver rimmed visor catching the sunlight. Kylo Ren, something in your mind hisses like a warning, Commander of the First Order. Jedi killer. Your breath hitches in your throat. “How did-“

“You. You’re the one I keep seeing.” His voice is low, made lower by the way it crackles through the modifier in his helmet. He takes a step forward, you take two back. “Why?”

“How the hell should I know?” You snap, teeth bared. You know just how precarious this situation is, with him being a hardened soldier trained in the Dark Side and you being… nothing of that sort. You can feel your Force powers clash, smacking against one another as he tries reaching forward and you recoil. He wants into your head, but you refuse to give it to him, using your Force like a shield against his sword.

Blue is fighting red before you can register what’s happening.

Your lightsaber is secure in your hand, blue blade coming out to defend against his red. Little bits of plasma spit from cross guards he has built into his handle, making it look like nothing you’ve ever seen before. His blade sputters and crackles, made unstable by some type of injury within the kyber crystal that powers it. Dealing with such a damaged crystal can be incredibly dangerous and volatile; you’d have to be insane to willingly use one.

He’s strong, but you expected no less. You struggle against his saber, hands shaking from the force. He moves you back with ease, boots skidding against the dirt of the forest floor. He jerks suddenly, twisting his saber to bring yours forward and grip your wrists into immobility. “Where did you get something like this?” He demands, his helmet tilting ever so slightly towards your weapon.

“I made it, you ass-“ you snarl, kicking one leg out and forcing him away so you can widen the distance between the both of you. It’d taken you almost two years to get a hold of all the parts you needed to make your own lightsaber. The Force had guided you through the process, willing your weapon into creation without the usual guidance you’d get from a Jedi master. It’d been a struggle, that’s for sure.

He comes at you again, swinging up from your feet towards your face, making you bend backwards to narrowly avoid it. He moves quick, with the efficiency and deadliness of a warrior. You’re able to hold your own—barely—parrying hit after hit, retaliating where you can and moving your body in tandem with his attacks. The trees around you become scarred from your battle, gashes glowing orange burned into the bark. You spin around, putting your arms up to put your lightsaber against your back to block one of his swings and then twisting around to catch him on his thigh.

He grunts in pain, distracted for the briefest of half seconds, and you take your chance. You bring your leg up, swiveling on your other foot to knock him in the side and then the stomach, but when your bodies connect, your mind suddenly spins, and you’re no longer in the forest. You feel like you’re suspended in some type of unfamiliar space, overwhelmed with emotions and memories. Fear, anger, hurt, betrayal; the consoling voice of a mother to a young boy, a promise of better things, the whisper of dark voices.

You choke on your breath as your back slams against the ground, bones seeming to rattle from the force. Kylo Ren stands over you, shoulders hunched, body shaking as his breathing comes as ragged gasps through his modifier. You look at him with wide eyes, lightsaber on the ground next to you, with no idea about what in the hell just happened.

“How did you do that?” His tone is almost feral, deep with a tremble to the back of it, like he’s… scared.

“I- I don’t-“ you stutter with your words because truthfully, you have no clue either. It’s like when you touched him, you broke through his Force and saw into his mind without even meaning to.

“You need a teacher, someone to show you the ways of the Force.” He insists, taking a step towards you. He extends his free hand. “You’re untrained but stronger than you know. Let me help you-“

You smack him away, scrambling to your feet and gripping your lightsaber. “I will never take help from the likes of you.” You spit. “I won’t let myself become a monster like you have.”

He stiffens, like your words snapped him back into the cold, unfeeling murderer he’s supposed to be. You feel his anger simmering, coming off of him in waves. His fists clench. “We’ll see about that.” And then he’s on you again, faster than you can react, stronger than you’re prepared to handle. You try to retaliate; you block and you parry and you dodge beneath the screech of his saber, but it’s not enough. That lack of training and lack of fighting spirit comes back to bite you in the ass, earning you more than a few nicks and bruises. What seemed like a proper fight before now just becomes unfair and he knocks you down with ease, making you wonder if he was just holding back earlier. Your body slumps against a tree, bark biting into your back, vision wobbling as your consciousness is tugged and pulled away from you. Blood trickles down into your left eye, your head hits the forest floor; the last thing you see before the world fades is his black boots walking towards you.

» ☆ «

The cold makes a home in your bones.

Everything is stiff and heavy, like you couldn’t move your limbs even if you tried—and you did try, which is how you discover you’re strapped to some kind of device that’s more of a flat metal board than it is a chair. It’s like a torture device you’d see in history books. Panic floods through you, fully waking up your systems and sending them into overdrive. The grogginess is gone in an instant, and the memories of what got you into this situation come flooding back. Lightsabers, sparks flying, the Force, seeing into his mind, dark helmet, dark cape, dark, dark, dark- you jerk your wrists and ankles, making a desperate attempt to get yourself out of the cuffs holding you in place. You ignore the bite in your muscles, the ache of the wounds littered across your skin; you can feel the dried blood on your forehead.

“I wouldn’t waste my energy on that,” a voice speaks, low and mechanic and familiar.

Your breath hitches, your body tenses. There’s heavy, intimidating footsteps on the polished metal flooring before Kylo Ren rounds the chair, walking around you, gloved hands behind his back while not properly looking at you. You lurch forward on instinct, cuffs digging roughly into your wrists, teeth snapping and a harsh growl rumbling in the depths of your throat like a rabid animal. “I’ll kill you, I swear to god I’ll fucking kill you-“

You hear him huff, though faint through the modifier. “Quite the fiery temper for a supposed Jedi.”

You relax in your seat, trying to return neutrality to your expression. “I’m not associated with the Jedi.”

That helmet turns to you then, and you feel his burning gaze behind the darkness of the visor. “You’re not?” Then he eases his shoulders back, rolling them, and decides to answer his own question. “No, you’re not. That would explain why you’re so unknown, so untrained.” You don’t like the way he says “untrained”, like it’s a disgrace of some kind to him.

He leans in suddenly, his form looms, darkness incarnate. He’s close enough that you can see each ding and scratch littered across his helmet’s surface, left battle-scarred and damaged on purpose. His head tilts slightly to the right, like that of a curious animal, and you continue to feel his eyes on you rather than see them. “Who are you?” He asks, tone neutral but you can hear a note of frustration behind it, like your existence is a nuisance. “Why do I keep seeing a nobody everywhere I go?”

You try to get away from him, but being strapped to a board doesn’t leave you with a lot of places to go. So instead, your body shifts, pressing uncomfortably into the back of your seat as your chin lifts. “I don’t know. It’s not like I want to see you either.” You snap. “I barely even know who you are.”

He doesn’t say anything, instead studying you. You hate the way it makes you squirm, only made worse by the fact you can’t see his face. He backs off and there’s a pause, like time is frozen, and then he reaches a hand forward, fingers slightly curled in. “If you won’t answer my questions, then I have other ways of getting what I want.” His voice is barely above a whisper.

It’s seconds after that you feel it.

Your entire body seizes, uncomfortably tense against your restraints as a buzzing begins in the back of your mind. It’s simple at first, like the drone of a fly, but it quickly grows in intensity from a buzz to a drum to a violent pounding, beating around your skull and making your ears ring. Your eyes screw shut and your chest heaves, your mind feeling like it’s being dug into and pulled apart by unkind fingers. Your nails eat into your palms, the tang of blood just barely whisking across your nostrils.

Memories are uncovered and brought forward against your will, appearing in flashes and whirs of voices. The first strawberry harvest of the season, your mothers laughter, your fathers stupid jokes, your brothers stern yet comforting silence, the time you broke your leg falling out of a tree. Those kind are shoved aside quickly, though they fill most of the space where memories are stored; he doesn’t want those ones. Sweat drips down the side of your face, mouth open as you pant. Pain feels both so acute and so distant, like you’re half in and half out of your own body.

You’re tossed through memories like you’re within an ocean, barely able to stay afloat as you’re tugged one way and then the other. The first appearance of the Force, the way it’d shot out from you without control, the fear you’d felt when it ended up injuring your brother. That one sticks for a while, made to replay over and over by the one controlling this ride that you so desperately want off of. Having to learn all alone, your only teachers being the books you had to buy from black markets, the isolation from your peers, your solitary journey to Ilum, the construction of your lightsaber. The loneliness that has built over years and years surges up, taking over your senses, amplified by the pain you feel.

“You’ve been by yourself all this time. No one’s ever understood you.” Kylo says curiously. His hand tilts slightly, like he’s turning a knob. “You hid yourself away, you felt terror at what you could do, simply because you didn’t understand it. You’ve denied who you are.” You would say something if you could, but any words you try to muster come out as choked air.

His head lifts just a hairsbreadth. “I see it. You want so badly to learn, but you have nobody to show you.” He breaths out. “And yet, somehow, you were able to compete with me. I don’t get it; you’re worthless. You’re a girl from a nowhere planet with a nobody family, a family that would’ve betrayed you in the end anyway. Your powers would grow to overwhelm you because you don’t know what to do, and they would cower away, scared of their own daughter.” There’s something about the way he says those words, like there’s a familiarity to them that runs deeper than the surface. Like he’s said them before, heard them before.

Fire rages beneath your skin, threatening to tear you asunder, your eyes starting to roll. This is not what the Force should be used for—this pain, this display of power. Or maybe it is, maybe those books you used only ever showed one side of the story. There was always a mention of balance, the light unable to exist without the dark. As memories become skewed and watery in your mind, delirious with agony, you begin to realize you don’t know anymore. Your thoughts no longer feel like your own, so scrambled and incoherent that you’re unsure if you’re even able to think properly at all. His hand withdraws suddenly, like he’s been burned, and everything ceases completely. Your body goes slack, your head lolling, but there’s at last silence in your mind.

His fingers rub together as he contemplates something. “You have a great amount of potential, strength that can be brought out with the right training. Leader Snoke will be interested in you.” He mutters. “I feel the Dark Side within you, it’s what you were meant for. So easy to anger and hatred, consumed by your isolation, it will make you more powerful than you could ever imagine.”

You shake your head, but the action is weak. Your words are forced, sapping the last of whatever remaining energy you have. “N..No, no, I won’t- I won’t join you-“

He hums, as if considering your answer, his hands clasping behind his back. “I wonder what your family would think about that? Atrisia, was it?”

You jolt, ignoring the way your muscles smart, lunging forward as your exhaustion is replaced with a pure, snarling anger. It’s just what he wants, but you can’t find it in you to care. “You stay the fuck away from them, you monster-“

“Then I believe we’ve come to an agreement.” He says, helmet seeming to gleam with his cruelty. You don’t think you’ve ever wanted to fight someone so badly before, even if fighting him is what got you here in the first place. He turns, typing something into a data-pad built into the wall. “Course will be set to see Leader Snoke shortly. Enjoy yourself while you’re here.”

You don’t get a chance to spit a final fuck you before he’s disappeared and the doors are hissing shut behind him.

[moo-blogging]

Hey, could you write a story between levi and reader , where levi has to get married to a girl (because she's a rich girl and he is a ceo of a huge company) but he's already dating reader. So.. in this story reader and levi are just passing their last night together before the wedding?

Btw: I really like your posts!!

You knew, very well, that money was powerful. Money run the world. Money was the new God.

That was why you were determined to make it in life, living with the financial freedom you didn't have growing up. And you made yourself proud. You managed to put a roof over your head, put decent food on the table, and afford little things that priced more than they were worth, but oh they made you so happy.

And you had Levi. Oh Levi Ackerman, the youngest CEO of the century who did not inherit the multi-million company from his family. It was a miracle how you met him. A wrong cup of tea. A misspelt word. A heartfelt laugh. The rest was history.

You thought nothing could come between you. You wouldn't doubt Levi's love for you and yours him. Levi was your one true love. He moved in with you. You went shopping for a big bed together, trying on every mattress in different stores, imagining the rest of your lives together. Things doubled up in your house: double plates, double mugs, double toothbrushes standing next to each other on the bathroom basin. You house felt smaller, cramped with more stuff but warmer with love and Levi in it.

You were the happiest person in the world.

And then, an emergency meeting was held in Levi's company. A man became the major shareholder of the company, owning more than 50% of the company's shares and he insisted on the meeting. He insisted that Levi should marry his daughter, who was head over heels Levi when she first saw him on the news. The man threatened to buy more shares and liquidate the company if Levi refused to marry his daughter. This would affect the employees as they lost their jobs, as well as the suppliers and distributers that signed contract with the company.

Although Levi was considered wealthy, he could not buy all the man's shares. When this news broke, people found out that Levi was dating you. Desperate people stopped you by the road and asked you to leave Levi as you weren't as compatible to Levi as the rich girl was. People called you names, begged and yelled at you to leave Levi because a lot of people's lives depended on this company.

This had caused a lot of pressure on you and your relationship. Levi promised to not leave you but you knew he wouldn't let the innocent people suffer as well. You saw the helplessness in his eyes. His peers suggested that he continued taking you as his mistress as "all rick people has mistresses anyway". But he didn't want you to be a mistress. You were the love of his life. You were the only one who was worthy to walk down the aisle and take the holy vow of eternal love with him.

After days of locking yourselves in the house, discussing and crying, you came to agree that Levi should marry the man's daughter.

.

It was hard seeing Levi became other person's husband to be. Levi never proposed to her, but the man and his family had made an a official notice to the press that Levi would marry his daughter soon.

Levi was photographed with the girl. The girl was awfully young and so beautiful as the exact opposite of you. They were photographed to be shopping together, branding them the "perfect couple". They were photographed ring shopping together, checking out the wedding venue together, meeting her parents and extended family. What would had been yours were robbed away and advertised everywhere.

Still, Levi came home to you every day. But you knew, after Levi got married, he would never step foot in this house again. Just the thought of this made you break down crying regardless where you were. Sometimes when you came home to a quite dark house, you would sit on the hard floor, sobbing. This was how it would be after Levi left. It felt like someone took the sun from your world and you would be frozen in the winter.

The night before Levi were to marry, the house was filtered with gloom and you sat with your puffy eyes staring at the ground. You couldn't look at Levi. You knew you should, but you couldn't bring your eyes to his as he spoke.

Gently, Levi led you to the balcony and pulled out three rings: an engagement ring, a promise ring and a wedding band. You started shaking as you laid eyes on the rings.

Levi got on one knee and asked for your hand in marriage. You were shaking so much, and he asked "please say yes, please." You nodded your head. With shaky hands, he slid the engagement ring over your finger.

Levi stood and wiped your tears off your face. He lovingly held your wet cheek.

"My darling, I don't need a pastor to marry you. Or people to witness our love. Tonight, the stars shall watch as we get married. They say that stars are million light years away from here, and our love shall travel for a million light years from now, forever alive even after Earth ceased to exist."

Levi then slid the wedding band over your finger. You eyes blurred with hot tears as you sucked in air from your runny nose. Levi's cheeks were wet with tears too. He pulled you, crashing your lips into his as you shared a deep, passionate kiss. Your eyes closed and eyebrows frown as you savoured this kiss. You pulled away, watching each other through red, blurred eyes.

Laying on the big bed, you were in each other arms. Levi asked if you would like to make love. "No," you shook your head, "I just want to hold you one last time."

Levi slipped his fingers into your scalp and pulled your head into his chest. He kissed your forehead before resting his tear stained cheek on your head, "we will hold each other again. I will come back to you. I promise you with my life." You felt the cold promise ring in your finger, but you wished for Levi instead.

All you could do was hold onto Levi while praying that the morning never comes.

PS: thank you beautiful stranger for sending me this ask and telling me you like my thoughts. you had made my week :) love you

[iheartzegras]

reassured - jack hughes

request: @hughesyluvr - 2 and 20 w Jack Hughes???

prompts: running your/their fingers through your/their hair and constant physical touch to reassure each other

here’s your request!! thanks for sending it! 🫶

——————————————————————————

being in a relationship with jack, you both constantly had to reassure each other that it was going to be okay. no matter a hard loss, or just a bad day, you both would be there for each other.

on multiple occasions, jack had come home from a game or practice feeling like he didn’t do enough. he felt like he had most part in leading the team. he always criticized himself too much, which lead to many nights with you comforting him. tonight was one of those nights.

jack normally got home late after games, due to the constant interviews. you didn’t mind this as he normally would sneak into bed with you when he arrived home. today, that wasn’t what had happened. jack had made his way into bed after he got unready, but for some reason he seemed off.

“jack, what’s the matter baby?” you whispered. “it’s nothing, just a rough game. that’s it”. you knew that he took these losses to heart.

you pulled him to you and started rubbing his back. this was something you both felt comforted and reassured by. it was some secret code that made you both feel safe.

“you gotta tell me what’s up” you softly stated. “i just don’t know what to do. normally i am able to do everything just fine, but lately i’ve felt too much pressure. the reporters keep stressing me with questions and it’s just getting too much” “jack, you should’ve told me. trust me, you’re playing just fine. don’t let this stuff get to you. i promise it’s not worth your time.”

you both had almost fallen asleep due to the comfortable silence. jack was still right next to you, arms wrapped around you with his face in the crook of your neck. you placed your fingers in his hair and started playing with it, something he always loved. he let out a satisfied murmur and soon you heard soft snores coming from just under you. you took that as your sign to also doze off into a comfortable sleep.

nights like these were familiar. even when these times were reversed and you were in jacks position, Jack did the same amount of reassuring and comforting. you both understood each other. you both felt safe. the two of you were bound to be together. you were soulmates.

——————————————————————————

first request done! i will try and work on some of them throughout this week!

i’m hoping to post one a day 🫶🫶

[lains-reality]

hello! i rlly love your blog and the way you explain things

how do i just apply? whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info and things i have to make sure i’m doing right then i spiral and over consume again. i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore.

what’s the simplest way to apply all of this and just “manifest” (i don’t rlly like this word bc it implies there’s a process or that i’m trying to get) my dream life? thank you

hi! ty!

it takes some courage! i also read a lot as a way to feel secure, but eventually i just got tired and just decided 'i have no more fears from this day on! done with this!' and i made it a practise to stop avoiding myself whenever something comes up

its all very natural, i can't say how you'll just finally decide that your over this lol

"whenever i do i stress that i’m doing it wrong because i feel overwhelmed by the amount of info"

well, learn how to stop yourself in the moment. you're putting too much pressure on your character! it only know what it knows now, it will not accept anything outside of what it already knows! thats why you leave it alone. read all you want to read, but stop when you feel like you have to. like you must. let yourself relax.

"i don’t want to rely on tumblr anymore."

good! keep going!

"what’s the simplest way to apply all of this"

just do it. try it and see. something that is a recurent theme in all the posts and book i read, is to try it. experiment. just for this one moment, let all the worries go. promise to never make problems for yourself again. you've given up troubles now, no more. just test it and see. surrender. let the mind cry and scream, for this moment, you won't allow it to deter you from freedom.

i'll give a list of stuff that helped me

theres only now -> stop bringing the past to now, learn to sit in the present moment

stop avoiding emotions, sit with the fear, discomfort etc

you already are Self! nothing can undo that!

be patient

non attachment (or detachment)

experiment - take something you already know and test it

question everything

find out what are the stories you want, what the desire will supposedly give you

it is not necessary to get rid of thoughts or images just stop deriving identity from them

"am i arguing for my limitations?"

soon more lovely thoughts and images will appear in your awareness and you can choose what you want

can you outgrow it? not you. observe it? not you. in the absense of it, you don't dissapear? not you.

be okay with not having it. get to a place where no one and no thing can disturb you (and your happiness and peace)

just see how absurd all this shit is. like i was born? what was it like before i was born? why is it normal to hear your voice in your head? no one knows what tomorrow is but we all worry abt it, where tf does the voice in your head come from? how can we actually identify feelings, what if the feeling pride isn't actually pride and you've been lied to? do you know how crazy this is for an infant?! we say we are an [x] person and that changes and so we say we are an [y] person, so who are we?? if we can change like that? being a human is confusing, seek the truth out and question all

just start to disidentify as the body-mind. when you disidentify as the body-mind you'll start to feel better as all the pressure you put on your character falls away. this will intice you to keep going as you feel freer!

have fun!! go and live life!! appriciate what you have now - this is all expressing the character, omnipr3sence, perfectly! you'll start to see "i barely thought abt x 2 days ago and now i see it here lol" "i was worrying about y and now i see it here too" "oh so this comes along with being the character too, maybe i should change that story"

you're in your own dream, see it as your dream and you'll start seeing the connections.

no need to convince the character, just move on. let yourself doubt this 'reality'

disclaimer: i'm still learning too! so please keep practising and have your own epiphanies!

reading

habit

no need to convince

behaviour

[pumpkincanoes]

Could I perhaps request a fic in which Collei gets hurt (by someone, up to you how bad it is) and Cynari are there supporting/helping her? I’m in a big hurt comfort mood and love the dads being dads

No pressure at all to actually write this! Thanks for your time anyways, and I love your work!

This was requested to me so, so long ago and I actually had a draft that was vaguely drabble-length... And then I kept changing it and adding to it and somehow 3k words later, here we are...

I will be posting this on Ao3 soon-ish, but I just need it out first and I will proofread later. Haven't decided on a title yet.

Contents: Hurt/Comfort Collei with her parental figures Cyno and Tighnari. The hurt is minimally explored, and I'm pretty dang sure this isn't what you asked for, but nevertheless.

Setting: Canonverse, set before the 3.5 Flagship event "Windblume's Breath". Collei gets hurt and the conversation that follows this incident becomes the catalyst of her inviting Cyno and Tighnari to accompany her to Mondstadt for the first time during Windblume. You are free to interpret Cynonari's relationship as platonic preslash, or established; they're not the center of this.

•············································•✦•············································•

"She's late, isn't here?" Tighnari murmurs as he puts down the main dish for tonight's dinner, eyes looking over the window.

Collei had finished her work early that Friday, and excused herself to go on a "little trip", promising that she would be back for family dinner Sunday evening. Tighnari doesn't have the heart to tell her that Mondstadian ryegrass is scarcely found in Sumeru's forests, which are predominantly covered by zoysias and carpetgrass. The bunches of ryegrass he finds littering her bag of samples, then, is enough to prove that the little trips she's been going to aren't "little" in the slightest—Nevertheless, he insists to Cyno, he's not planning to point this out any time soon.

Still, the worry in Tighnari's tone doesn't escape the Mahamatra’s ears. He knows how oddly distant Tighnari gets when it comes to Collei's 'secret' trips. Noting this, he silently pulls out a chair and gestures for him to sit down.

"She will get here eventually. Just wait." He says, taking over Tighnari's role of bringing over food from the kitchen.

Within a few seconds of him stepping away, he hears Collei's voice from the front of the hut.

"I'm home! I'm sorry I'm late, There was a passing shower and I had to stop for a while..."

"Welcome back, Collei!" Tighnari greets, smile as kind as ever. His relief only lasted a moment, though, because as soon as Collei stepped further inside, he could see that she was slightly limping.

Not to mention, she has little reason to stop her track for so long because of rain. She was wearing her coat and while it was more than just a little damp, as rainforest dwellers, coming home with a raincoat completely soaked was more than just a common occurrence.

"I'm going to put these in the kitchen and dry my clothes first, and then I'll join you guys!"

She hurriedly walks past the dinner table, motion stiff, and both Tighnari and Cyno scrunch their noses at the scent she carries. freshly cut Aloe Vera, and a bitter flower smell that Tighnari recognizes to be Qingxin.

Tighnari observes her for a while as she puts down her bag on the sofa. He glances over to Cyno with his brow raised, asking to confirm his suspicions.

Cyno has his eyes narrowed as he watches Collei and then looks over to Tighnari to give him a nod.

"I also smell blood," he whispers, barely audible.

That was all that Tighnari needed. He stands up and walks over to Collei, who so far has made no motion to remove her dampened coat, and instead has been fiddling with her stuff in the kitchen.

"Collei," He calls out, and with little to no decorum he adds,

"Show me your leg."

Collei looks at him nervously, but still tries to laugh it off.

"Err, why...?”

"What, you come to dinner smelling like you've coated yourself in blood and aloe, and you expect me to not say anything?" Tighnari scolds, arms crossed in front of his chest. And yet his expression wasn't an angry one.

"Ah... ahaha..." Collei steps away from the kitchen to sit down on the sofa instead. Partly in embarrassment, but also because she couldn't quite decipher what her Master's gaze meant.

Cyno stands up to approach her as well, and she feels the distinct sensation that she is being taken apart.

She opens her coat to show her clearly-injured left leg, and Cyno was half expecting to see an open wound. This is Collei, however; survivor of over a decade of Eleazar, and Tighnari's best pupil. So all he sees is slightly damp and dirty bandages covering her left shin.

"I did try my best! but it has been... a while..."

Since she had to dress her own wounds, Cyno summarizes. And that's a good thing. He walks over to the kitchen, working quickly to gather a new set of bandages to replace the dampened one.

Tighnari lets off an amused huff, though his expression remains pensive. The bandage was made using a different type of fabric, and the salve lacked the tell-tale hints of myrrh and zaytun peach in its odor.

"No, this is better than most emergency first-aids I've seen. You're good at it, as always. Are these Amber's usual supplies?"

"Wh- what makes you think it was Amber's?!" Collei retaliates, her stiff tone showing more guilt than she probably intended there to be.

"...Collei, we prepare our herbs and medicine ourselves. You think I wouldn't notice if you were missing half of the ingredients in your salve?" He challenges.

"Right..." Collei deflates almost immediately.

It was like second nature for Tighnari to kneel down and start taking off the bandage on her leg. Just a few years ago, these bandages were like her second skin. It was weird, seeing them on her again after so long. He gently pulled off the clip and began unraveling the damp fabric, the lower parts of which were dirtied with mud.

Shortly after, Cyno came back from the kitchen with a bowl of warm water in his hand. On his free hand he carried a wad of fresh bandages and a bag of Tighnari's healing salve.

"You seem to be under the impression that I'm not aware of your trips. Just because I do not say anything doesn't mean I don't know."

He says this with a smile, but Collei is looking away, only listening to him with a pained expression. Tighnari silently takes over the supplies that Cyno brought, dipping a clean cloth in the bowl to start cleaning the wound.

"I'm sorry..."

Her voice was strained, and it snapped Tighnari out of his motions. The hands treating Collei with the gentle yet firm mannerism built into his muscle memory now carried the weight of hesitation.

It wasn't his intention to make Collei feel guilty about anything—Let alone about her being hurt.

A familiar sense of isolation creeps under Tighnari’s skin. He holds back a sigh— he knew that Collei would take it the wrong way. In reality, he wasn't sighing for her actions, but for his own. His position as her mentor and caretaker made it hard for him to show genuine care. After all, He is—as his best friend Kaveh would call him—a strict parent; and he was admitting this while still being adamant that he isn’t her parent at all.

Hence, saying something that would be comforting for Collei right now proves to be harder than he'd like. Not because he doesn't want to say them, but he feels the explicit dread that words would fail him. Or perhaps that he would fail to say anything that would close the distance he was trying to reach.

So as he lets the wiping cloth sink into the bowl, he instead looks over to Cyno, who has been watching the two with quiet worry the whole time. He had a sympathetic expression, one that was maybe only micrometers different from his neutral one—but Tighnari could tell, anyway.

He ushers Cyno to step closer with a bend of his ear, gesturing for him to take over. Avoiding Collei's gaze, he stands up to take her damp coat from where it had been sitting on the sofa.

"I'll hang this up to dry for you,"

He says, and practically flees. And if Collei wasn’t also hurt, she would clearly see how dejected he looked, ears and tail somehow drooping lower and lower with each of his steps.

🌱

Cyno’s movements were awkward, at best. Up until a few months ago, Collei would get phantom pains just looking at him—and as much as that saddens him, he understands with utmost sincerity that what she is experiencing was a byproduct of trauma, and didn’t stem from any fear she had towards him, as a person (In fact, she is not at all scared of him as a person. Her determined rouge-colored eyes really do remind him too much of Tighnari, sometimes).

Because of that, he always prioritized her comfort first and foremost, and kept his distance, even as his little heart dared to dance when she started lowering her guard, joining him in dinners with Tighnari every so often.

Nevertheless, old habits die hard, and so at present he is drying Collei’s wound at a snail’s pace, with a delicateness that even Tighnari’s worst pupils would reprimand. He presses the damp towel like Collei’s skin is made of paper-thin sugar glass—which is to say he does not press it, really, at all.

"General... Do you think Master is upset?"

Collei hasn’t sounded this meek and unsure for months now, Cyno recalls. He makes a conscious effort to soften his tone.

"...What makes you say that?"

(It doesn’t go all that well.)

“Well, he said he’d always know about me… sneaking out to Mondstadt every once in a while. But he never said anything about it. Before this, he would forbid me from going even outside of Avidya Forest.

“Do you think he just… got too frustrated?”

Cyno lifts his head to observe the young girl, but she only cowered even deeper into herself. He focuses back his attention to finally finish drying Collei’s leg, putting down the cloth as he contemplated his answer.

“Hmm. I do not think it is anger, necessarily.”

“B- But he must be upset, right?! That's why he acts so distant every time I come back!”

He noticed that was one of Tighnari’s newer habits, as well. He gets quiet when Collei comes back from her trip. He’d asked about it a number of times, and Tighnari seemed to vehemently deny it, at first. Eventually, under the covers of one quiet night, Tighnari explained his reasoning— afterwards, Tighnari only managed to justify it by saying, ‘Collei doesn’t realize it, so it doesn’t matter.’

Clearly he was wrong. Collei didn’t realize why he did it, but she observes Tighnari extremely closely—A privilege she has by being his pupil—So closely, in fact, that Cyno trusts Collei could shoot down her own worries in the matter; She just needs a little nudge in the right direction.

“...Suppose that he is upset, why do you think that is?” He approaches.

“Because I didn't listen to him…?”

Cyno shakes his head, expression stern. His eyes convey with clarity, I know you don’t truly believe that—And it was true. Collei has always been a smart, reasonable child. She knows more than anyone why her Master had been so strict with her. Why he needed to be so restrictive in her activities.

Collei sighs and tries again, with more honesty.

“Because he is worried about me…”

A beat of silence, and then,

"...Surprisingly enough, no." Cyno says, and while he didn’t notice it himself, Collei could've sworn she saw him smile for a split second.

"He is worried, yes, but he knows you can handle yourself well enough. He trusts you.”

“Then why… “ Why act like that, if he did trust her?

Why must he be so protective, even months after her Eleazar had healed completely?

Cyno looks over to the kitchen, where they could both see Tighnari’s shadow reflected from the light. Collei follows his gaze and does the same. He was taking a long while, Collei notes, to put away a singular coat. She knows it was an excuse, and she thought she also knew why he needed to leave. But…

“...He is simply lonely."

She looks over to Cyno in disbelief. His expression is exceptionally kind as he said so—full of affection and just a little bit somber. Collei only then notices that he had finished applying salve on her wound, but it wasn’t Tighnari’s batch. The fragrance is masked by the Aloe Vera gel, but the blue-violet coloring indicated that it was Collei’s original variation, one mixed with Rukkhashava Mushrooms.

“He fears that you do not trust him enough to tell him the purpose of your trips. And today, he felt even lonelier, because you did not tell him of your injuries right away."

She remembers her master rejecting so many different iterations of the salve. It was too watery, and then too concentrated, and then too acidic… And then one day after countless trials, she had finally succeeded—She wonders why the failed iterations and rejections had been so easy to recall, but not the wonderful dinner she had to celebrate its completion, nor the pride she could see in her master’s eyes as he told the story for the 14th time, and retells it again to anyone willing to listen.

Inwardly she wonders, why is it that she had doubted her master’s trust in her, while assuming that he didn’t have those same doubts himself?

“...”

“I... just didn't want to burden him. I feel like Master is always taking care of me."

She knew it was a silly worry, and now after all of this, she knew that she probably shouldn’t let that get to her. But nevertheless, it was embarrassing to have her master taking care of her again, after so long. She thought she was better than this. She thought she couldn’t rely on him anymore.

Now, however… She wants nothing more than to be proven wrong.

Cyno doesn’t give her a reply, instead knitting his brows so tightly it almost seems like a display of anger at the bandages he was trying to wrap. Cyno wasn’t bad at tending to wounds, of course. Both spending time with Tighnari and the nature of his job meant that he needed to be skilled at first aid. And yet Collei could see telltale signs of fear and hesitation in the way he worked the bandages up her leg. The forth wrap barely pulled taut, and the previous three already slackened and threatened to slide down at any moment.

She chuckles a little, at that. Cyno was feared by most to be ruthless and cruel— but right now it seems like he was the one who was terrified of even the smallest of nicks on her skin. She bends down to fix the loosening wraps, expression fond.

Cyno makes some space to let her hold on to the slackened fabric, but he doesn’t let go of the remaining roll. Instead he says,

“How about this, then. Try asking him to fix this up for you.”

Collei glances at Cyno, startled—then she quickly looks away again.

“But I…”

She can feel Cyno’s sharp crimson gaze on her skin, it reaches her very soul. And yet instead of prying open all of her secrets, it merely pushes her forward:

“Just trust me.”

And so she does.

She never truly feared Cyno the way other people seem to be. She hasn’t thought of him as anything close to intimidating for years, now— But still, she had understood why people would conclude as such. He’s always been a little weird (still is), and Collei certainly used to think his crimson eyes could be unnerving at times.

Now though, Collei doesn’t think she has ever been given as much courage as Cyno is giving her.

She nods, and Cyno finally hands her the roll of bandages, stepping away to let her speak to Tighnari.

Tighnari, who has been pretending to not hear their entire conversation.

(He really tried to not listen. He really, truly did. Sometimes he wishes he has the blessing of a normal hearing range, but alas, he does not.)

And Collei knows he’s only pretending not to hear it because, well, it’s Tighnari— But also because, when she casts her gaze to the kitchen, his treacherous tail was very tightly wound on his right thigh. This is something he does when he is actively trying to stop it from swishing.

She smiles a bit at that. In a sudden burst of shamelessness she can really only blame Cyno for, she calls out,

“Master?”

Tighnari’s ear twitches, and he very slowly turns his head to look at her, expression almost alarmingly even.

“Yes?” He asks, and Collei draws a breath and says,

"Um... Could you help me with this?"

Instantly, Collei could see Tighnari's face light up.

"Of course."

Collei is asking her master a favor—something she had spent most of her adolescence feeling guilty about—and her master looks at her as if she had just hung the very stars.

It is funny, Collei thinks back again. Since when was her master so excited about dressing wounds? His words certainly didn't show it; he rambled on his usual speech—one she had heard a thousand times, about applying enough pressure and keeping the salve spread evenly—but she didn't recall it ever being delivered with such a relieved tone, before now.

She could not see her master's expressions, but if the silent swishing of his tail is any indicator, she's pretty damn sure he is smiling.

Which is silly, considering she was also pretty damn sure he was angry at her just moments ago.

She looked up to see Cyno watching them from his seat. wordlessly, she mouthed a 'thank you' at him, who responded with a dutiful nod. This time, his soft expression does not slip Collei's notice, and she feels proud that she is able to read him just a little better these days.

“Please tell Tighnari where you’re going, next time.” Cyno comments from behind Tighnari.

“Okay.”

“And ask for help if you are injured.” he adds, and Collei could see the tip of Tighnari’s ears warming into a peach color.

“Okay.”

“And don’t stay away for—”

“That’s enough..!” Tighnari cuts him off, his ears bend down in annoyance with tail raised stiff. His entire face seemed tinted with pink, now.

Cyno doesn't say anything in response, his expression barely a smirk. Collei couldn’t help but let out a giggle as she heard her master sigh.

“...I— You don’t have to do any of that if you don’t want to, of course. It’s… I just…”

Collei chuckles, “Master, I know. It’s okay.”

“Yes, well. you know now, because Cyno’s a snitch, but I haven’t…”

“General Cyno only told me because you didn’t.” She dares herself to grin, and Tighnari looks positively aghast.

He shows an angry face– At least, Collei assumes it’s supposed to be, but his eyes were glassy with unspilled tears, and his tail was still swishing, so it isn’t really all that intimidating.

“I wanted to tell you myself, you know,” He starts, slowly turning his frown into a soft smile.

“I want to tell you I’m worried about you. And I want to tell you that I will keep worrying even if you become the toughest, best, most amazing Forest Ranger there is. Because I'm selfish like that.

“I wanted to ask you… to let me tend to all of your wounds, even if you become the best Amurta researcher or the best doctor in Birmastan— I wanted to ask you to trust me enough to do that. Because I care about you.”

Collei’s breath hitches.

“...I do trust you, though.”

Tighnari hums, positively beaming, now. “I know, Collei. I know you do.” He says, and adds,

“I should be saying sorry for not expressing myself clearly, before.”

Collei’s answer was almost instantaneous, “There is nothing to forgive!”

“...I'm also sorry for not telling you where I’ve been going. And about the injury.”

It’s Tighnari’s turn to chuckle this time, face impossibly kind as he says,

“There is nothing to forgive.”

•············································•✦•············································•

[spicywhenspeaking]

yeahhh someone must stop @madomens !!!! (not really)

she keeps making stuff and that makes me want to make stuff!!!!

anyway here’s some Jolly Smut! Based on this post

Warnings : rough sex, unprotected sex ( gasp! ), language, misscommunication (noooo!!!!), tiny angst w/ a happy ending!! I have no idea I just started going.

It’s become a habit. He texts when he’s in town and I drop everything to see him. For days we are wrapped up in each other’s arms, fucking and laughing and spending hours talking. He almost knows me more than some of my closest friends. And yet, when those few days are over he’s gone. Disappeared into vapor like he never existed. We’ve tried texting but when he’s on the road he’s unreachable. Always focused on work and music. 

This weekend is like everyone before. He texted me when his flight got in and asked when he could see me. I finished the work I was doing early and twenty minutes later I was swinging my apartment door open and throwing my arms around my tall Swedish…something. Not my boyfriend but not enough for friends with benefits and it feels like more than hooking up. I don’t know what it is but I’m happy to have it. He breathes me in, kissing my shoulder, my cheek, and then a passion-fueled kiss against my mouth. “My Käraste, I have missed you,” he tells me once we break apart from our kiss. 

“I missed you too,” I say as I back up to give him space to walk fully in the door. 

He quickly drops his bag and pushes me against the wall. “It’s been so long since the last time I had you, I cannot wait another moment Käraste.” He surges forward to kiss me roughly and I melt to his touch. Taking myself wherever he leads. 

He always calls me that.  “Käraste”. I have no idea what it means and have tried to look it up. I can’t spell for shit because Google never knows what I mean.

He’s kissing me and groping every part of my body he can reach. Suddenly he’s spinning me around with my face pressed against the door. I feel the hard length of him pressed against me and I whine out loud shamelessly. 

He chuckles. “I guess you missed me too” 

I nod and press my backside tight against his bulge. 

“I will worship your body later, I promise. But right now, I need to feel your hot cunt on my cock or I’ll lose my mind.”

Unable to utter words I just nod again as he sharply pulls down the small gray lounge shorts I was wearing along with my underwear in one fell swoop. He smacks my ass with a brash palm causing a loud pop and then rubs and squeezes the reddened skin. “You have a great ass, I always say this.” I giggle and shake it playfully. He brings down another harsh smack. “Ah!” I moan out. “There will be plenty of time to play later. I need you now” his voice is deep and sultry and my already wet pussy coats with a new wave of arousal. 

“Yes, please Jolly. I need your cock” I beg urgently as my desire for him magnifies. 

He spreads my legs apart slightly and I hear the sound of his zipper going down. I don’t have time to think before he’s bottoming in one push. “Oh fuck!” I call out. The pressure of him filling me so suddenly shocks me but then he’s pulling out and slamming back into me and the shock dissolves into pleasure. “Jolly! Yes, fuck me” I moan out wantonly. He grunts as he starts thrusting in at an unrelenting pace. “Fuck baby, you’re so fucking wet. You like taking my cock?” He whispers hotly against my ear and then nibbles gently on my lobe and my eyes roll up into my head. 

“Yes Jolly, I love taking your cock. Ah!” I yelp and buck against him as much as I can taking him deeper and he’s moaning louder in my ear. Grunting and whispering sweetly into my ear, “You feel so good baby, missed you.” He grins against my cheeks and continues to pound into me relentlessly. “Do you think you can cum from just my cock?” he taunts. 

I nod, already teetering the edge of release, and with a few more deep thrusts he’s hitting every nerve inside of me and I’m writhing against him moaning out in pleasure. He’s soon to follow pulling out swiftly and spilling his hot load across my butt and lower back.

Turning around to pull him deeper into a kiss I grab his hand and lead him towards the shower so we can clean up and continue our marathon of sex. 

When it’s time for him to leave again a few days late it feels different than other times. “When can I see you again?” I ask, trying to sound casual. 

“Soon, my Käraste.” he tells me as he kisses all over my face and I start to giggle. 

A few weeks later I see pictures of him and a woman I didn’t recognize all over Twitter, all of the comments were saying “Jolly Karlsson Of Bad Omens out with his girlfriend.” I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt, but, we never talked about being exclusive. I should have known he would eventually find someone he wanted to be with publicly. He always told me we needed to keep our relationship private, like a secret. 

The next time he’s in town he texts me but I don’t respond. 

JJ: Baby? Are you home?

JJ: My Käraste, where are you?

Y/N: I’m busy, why don’t you go spend time with your girlfriend.

An hour later I’m eating a bag of kettle corn and watching a new episode of The Golden Bachelor, sobbing, when there’s a knock at my door. Wiping the tears from my eyes I pause the tv and walk to open the door. To my surprise, it’s Jolly standing there. 

“Girlfriend? What do you mean my girlfriend?” He asks and pushes past me into my apartment. 

“Since when do I have a different girlfriend?” 

I roll my eyes, “It was all over Twitter, you and some girl hanging out, people saying they’ve seen the two of you all over town together. You want to keep us some dirty secret but you’ll walk her all over Los Angeles.” I snap at him and begin to pace back and forth. I keep the door open to send him back out soon. He looks at me like I’m speaking a language he doesn’t understand. “What? Those pictures? That was my cousin! She came in to visit LA and I showed her around. Why didn’t you just text me?” he asks and I scoff. “We never text Jolly, what are you talking about? You text me when you’re in town and fuck me. Then ask me not to say anything.” 

He visibly deflates, “I text you when I come into town to see you, which is about every three weeks if you can recall. I call you my Käraste, my dearest. I didn’t ask you to be my secret because I wished to hide you from the world. I wanted privacy so that we could keep our relationship to ourselves.” He’s breathless and staring at me, lost with what to do next. 

“You’re coming into town just to see me? I thought you were visiting someone or working?” I ask confused and I move past him and closing the door. “I only come here to see you, since that first time we met I haven’t been able to get enough. I crave you, always wanting to be near.” He winds his arms around my waist and pulls me closer. “So you don’t have a girlfriend is what I’m hearing, and you really like me?” I ask trying to put it all together. He chuckles “I think I do have a girlfriend though, If she’ll have me?”

[themysticaldrumstick]

GIRL (gender neutral) omg you shouldn't have to apologize for that!! The ao3 writer curse really is migrating to writers everywhere, it's like an epidemic 😭 I hope your wrist gets better soon; I've had a similar injury in the past and hated every step of the recovery process, so here's hoping it goes better for you! And this next point probably is obvious, but I'll say it again all the same: please don't stress about getting the chapter done. Your health and wellbeing take absolute priority; you should absolutely focus on getting better before anything else. I promise we'll all still be here waiting for you when you get back :)

Also, please don't feel pressured to respond to this message, just wanted to send some well-wishes your way, no reply expected. I hope you'll feel better soon!! 💕

Dang, this whole AO3 curse do be gettin a little too real, these day. No but seriously, AO3 writers are a different breed. I think they are the real MCs irl.

Thank you. I've been so worried about posting stuff, typing slowly and shit to reply asks-- I'M NOT DEAD I PROMISEEEE. I'm working on the story, slowly and steadily. Once again, thank you. I realize how late my responses are, and have been lately and I've been trying to fix that.

Love y'all, you funny lil gremlins(affectionate).

Also, I kind of realise I've never introduced myself. Uhjhhh super kawaii face reveal at 60 million followers? Nailing the YouTuber vibe 100%. Tempted to make an MC obsessed with social media, now(as a crack fic ofc).

[daisyvisions]

Life update (for those who wanna read):

Hey guys! I know in the past few months I haven't been posting much as I used to and it takes me time to even reply to some asks until now. And to be honest, it's mainly because of personal life stuff getting in the way.

To catch y'all up to speed (basically the TLDR)...

I have PMDD (think of PMS but in the 9th circle of hell), there's no meds for it but really more of a lifestyle change and in the last 2 years I realized my lifestyle habits were absolute shit. So I came to the realization that my current work was the cause of my poor lifestyle choices and I have decided to quit this year. I was scared at first but ultimately I'm making a choice for myself. I plan to leave by mid September, hopefully take a one month break (if time will allow me), and find another job!

And I just want everyone to know that I actually don't get pressured to write or what, it's really more of I REALLY wish I could write, but the mental, emotional, and physical stress has finally taken a toll on me. Hopefully as I slowly exit this job, I am able to write again because I really do miss it and it was a stress reliever and source of joy for me to be honest

But at least for the first few baby steps for me, I've learned that the only way I personally can get out of my creative rut is to just write, even if it's just an idea or rough outline. I've missed a couple of member's bdays and other promises I had made so gonna list down what I wanted to write and start slowly. So crossing fingers (because I have a TON of ideas waiting in line)

Thanks for those who still read my stuff, ask questions, and show support in any way that you can. Writing for y'all truly brings me joy and I hope I can show my thanks very soon with the upcoming stories I have!

and to anyone experiencing weird times in their personal life, just know that it will be over soon and we can get through this together! Drink lots of water, watch your favorite movie / show, hug your pet, eat your fave food, and most importantly... dream of tbz 😘 love you all!

[aangelichaos]

Heating Pad

Summary: Joel helps you feel better while you're on your period

Rating: G

Word count: 0.6K

Warnings: Age gap (Reader is in her early 40s, Joel is in his early 50s), sorta hurt/comfort

A/N: I’m on my period rn and I’ve been ✨suffering✨ and it’s also my bday so I’m writing this little drabble because I deserve it. I just KNOW Joel knows how to deal with this stuff, given he was a single dad raising a girl and then basically became Ellie’s dad. Also I accidentally posted this on my alt initially so it's there too ig. Oops lol

You can’t remember the last time you’ve been in so much pain.

Period cramps usually aren’t this bad for you. Obviously they still hurt, but it’s never anything that some medicine can’t fix. This, though? This is an entirely new level of pain. Nothing has been able to help so far- not painkillers, not your heating pad, not the tea Ellie so helpfully made for you. You groan, holding your waist and curling further into yourself, hoping that it will somehow ease the pain.

“…Sweetheart?”

You look up to see Joel standing in the doorway. You give him a weak, pained smile that probably looks more like a grimace. “Hey, Joel.”

He walks toward you, sitting on the edge of your bed and running his hand along your back. “That time of the month, huh?”

You nod. “I’ll be okay, don’t worry about it.” As soon as the words leave your mouth, a wave of pain washes over you. You wince, sucking in a breath, and look up at Joel. He looks completely unconvinced, worry evident on his face. “Really, Joel. I’ll be fine. It’s just cramps.”

“Honey, I don’t care if it’s just cramps, I’m not leaving your side until you feel better, okay?” he says, laying down next to you. “Do you honestly think I’m just going to leave you here while you’re clearly in pain? Come on, you know better than that.” He smiles, wrapping an arm around your waist.

You laugh a bit at that, burying your head in his shoulder. “I know.. I just don’t want to make you worry when you don’t need to.”

He kisses your forehead. “I know, baby. But you gotta understand that I want to be there for you when you’re hurtin’. I just wanna help you feel better.” He brings your hand to his mouth, pressing his lips to it. “How can I help?”

You sigh. “I don’t fucking know, Joel. I’ve tried everything I could think of, but they won’t go away.” You pull him closer, holding him against you in hopes that maybe his warmth will help with the pain.

“Oh, honey…” he whispers as he rubs your back soothingly. “You’re gonna be okay, I promise.” He pauses for a moment, and you can practically see the gears turning in his head. “Has anything at least been able to help? Make the pain a bit more bearable?”

“The heating pad, I guess?” You shrug. “Didn’t do much, but it worked better than anything else I tried.” You grimace as pain overcomes you again.

“Well, where is it? Even if it doesn’t do much, you should at least have it with you.” You gesture vaguely to the floor, and he spots it next to the bed. “Here, doll.” He hands it to you. “Lay back, don’t curl up like that. I know you want to, but it won’t help.” He plugs in the heating pad. “Where’s it hurt, your waist?”

You nod. “Joel, you don’t gotta do all this.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. Gotta take care of my favorite lady.” He puts his hand over the heating pad, adding slight pressure. “Oh, you poor thing, can’t imagine how much it hurts.” He leans in and kisses you softly. “Anything else I can do for you, angel?”

You shake your head. “You’ve done more than enough, sweetheart.” You cup his cheek with your hand. “You’re too good to me.”

He smiles, putting his hand over yours. “Just givin’ you what you deserve.”

You pull him towards you, hugging him tightly. “Thank you…”

He hugs you back, squeezing you against him. “No problem, hun.”

Even though cramps are still wracking your body, you’ve never felt so at peace as you lay wrapped in Joel’s arms.

[the1975attheirverybest]

(Cabin) Pressure

A/N: This is probably unnecessary and super indulgent, lmao. I just have this impossible urge to baby him, OKAY? he's so....UGH!! anywaysssss!!! As requested by quite a few of you, here's part 2 of the flight one-shot. on a scale from 1 to absolute dumpster fire, lmk how bad it is, lol. Honestly I’m so conflicted about posting it, I might end up deleting later. AND YES SMUT COMING TONIGHT, I PROMISE. Just can't be writing smut at work in case one of my students comes to my office.

Read Part 1 here.

Warnings: mentions of anxiety, depiction of panic attack.

----

The guys hurried ahead to give her and Matty some privacy. She felt Matty's hand stiffen in hers as soon as he watched the automatic doors of the Departures Terminal open and his bandmates walk right in. He swallowed the lump in his throat, his breathing quickened.

She squeezed his hand, drawing his attention back to his body. "Hey," she looked up at him. "You're gonna be alright, yeah?"

Matty gave her a weak smile, nodding slowly. He wasn't sure he believed her. He wanted to. Desperately. But he couldn't control it. It was like his body reflexively reacted to his surroundings before his mind could step in and control how he felt. He could physically sense the tension seeping into his body, right on cue.

"Well, shall we?" he turned to her.

"No pressure. Take as long as you need. We've got time. We'll go in whenever you're ready."

"But the lads-"

"Matty, look at me...there you are. We'll catch up with them at the gate, yes? It's okay." Her free hand moved to touch his face, the sensation grounding him.

"Right, sorry, I'm being silly." he smiled timidly. "Okay, think I'm read. Let's do this."

"Lead the way."

She kept her eye on him as they made their way through the airport, watching his body for any signs of stress.

Matty stopped dead in his tracks as soon as he saw the airline counters at the end of the hall.

"Fuck! My passport! Don't think it's in my bag! I don't remember seeing it-"

"Oh, god, sorry! I- I took it." she winced and looked apologetically up at him. "Sorry, I- uh, I thought if I kept track of the tickets, paperwork, and passports it...would give you some wiggle room so you didn't have to worry about sorting that stuff out...It's all with me! I have them here..."

To her surprise, and relief, Matty burst out laughing. "I think by thinking so hard about not panicking, I'm startin' to stress myself out. Alright, deep breaths."

She watched Matty close his eyes and take two deep breaths. Inhaling slowly, then opening his eyes as he exhaled.

"Okay, I'm all good now." He smiled, genuine this time. "And, thank you, baby, that was really kind of you to do." He dipped his head down to give her a quick kiss.

She rummaged through her bag, pulling out their documents as they approached the counter. "I can do it if you'd like..."

"No, it's okay. Think I can handle this. But, umm, keep holdin' my hand?" He blushed as he heard his own words leave his lips.

"Of course. I'm right here. All the way until security physically separates us."

***

With check-in and security now behind them, they wandered the airport in search of their gate, and the rest of their group. Matty seemed to relax a little, so she took the chance to suggest breakfast.

"Hey, wanna go over there and get something to eat?" she point towards the express version of some chain restaurant.

"Too anxious to eat. Afraid I won't be able to keep anything down."

"Please, baby? the nausea's probably worse when you're operating on an empty stomach. Let me buy you a little snack? you don't have to eat it right away..." She noticed Matty's attention shift from her gentle pleading to something else, something right behind her. "What're you looking at?" she frowned at the faint smile on his face. Turning around to check what was behind her, she saw a pair of young women, roughly in their early 20s, eyeing him hesitantly and struggling to contain their excitement.

"do you mind waitin' a bit? Think I'll go over there."

"Matty, are you sure? You know you don't have to do that if you're not feeling it."

He rolled his eyes. "C'mon, my love. Put yourself in their shoes...you're tellin' me that if we bumped into, I don't know, Harry Styles, right now, you wouldn't go up to him to say hello?"

She giggled and shook her head. "I- I wouldn't expect HIM to be the one to come to ME."

"Oh, so now you're telling me that, if Harry Styles were right here, right now, you'd actually have the courage to go up to him yourself?"

She couldn't help but smile. At least, the fact that he took the opportunity to tease her about her celebrity crush was an indicator that he was in a good enough mood. "Alright, let's go say hi." She relented.

"I appreciate you watching out of me." He placed his hands on her cheeks, kissing her, and giggling against her lips bit at the sound of the girls squealing behind him before he went over to greet them.

He sweetly introduced himself as Matty and gave each woman a hug, whispering "nice to meet you, Darlin'" as he pulled them in. He signed the backs of their itineraries, agreed to FaceTime a friend, and stood for pictures with them.

"Do you wanna take it or do you want me to take it? Actually, you know what? My girlfriend, here, can take it...Babe?" He gestured for her to come closer, "do you mind?" handing her the girls' phones.

"See? That wasn't so bad, was it?" he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her closer and whispering in her ear as they walked away, waving the girls goodbye and wishing them a safe trip.

"I never said it would be bad! I was-"

"Just trying to take care of me, I know." He kissed her cheek. "But I'm okay. Really. Cuz I've got you."

***

The flight seemed off to a good start, with her and the guys taking turns at sitting with, and distracting, Matty from his thought spiral. Take off was a bit rough for a moment; he visibly broke a sweat and almost crushed her hand in his while the plane settled into altitude. She quickly brought him back the a calm enough state after that, though. They argued over which film to watch, eventually agreed to each watch their own choice, before Matty petulantly abandoned his screen and begged to watch whatever she was watching instead. This, of course, meant that she had to pause and explain the plot to him, bring him up to speed. She pretended to be annoyed with him, but secretly, she was glad for it because, the more that she actively participated in distracting him, the less likely it was that he'd let his mind wander and start overthinking.

Her plan seemed to be working, until it wasn't. 7 hours into the flight, Matty's senses were overwhelmed. He could no longer block the anxious thoughts away by steering his attention towards her, his friends, or whatever forms of entertainment were available to him. He even got out his laptop, tried to do some work to keep his mind occupied, but as time went on, his anxiety sucked more and more of his energy, until his will inevitably weakened, and he succumbed to the catastrophic thinking...

His eardrums pounded with the sound of his own heartbeat, the sounds of his surroundings being reduced to a faint, persistent whisper. He felt the air get sucked out of his lungs, panting and sweating as his eyes scanned the tight quarters. The voice inside his head screamed for him to leave the airplane, but he was aware enough to know that it was physically impossible to escape. Both sides of his brain locked in an impossible battle, the result was a near-complete paralysis. He lost the feeling in his limbs, his vision going blurry. Even breathing became a consuming conscious task. He felt like he was drowning underwater.

"M-matty? my love, what's the matter?" She was immediately alarmed when she'd glanced away from her book to check in with him. "You look like you're gonna be sick...Do you need me to call for someone?"

With great effort, Matty shook his head, looking helplessly at her.

"Talk to me, honey..."

"P-panic attack." he stuttered, short-winded and struggling to breathe.

The words brought instant tears to her eyes, and for a moment, she was overwhelmed by how quickly his pain had crushed her heart, but she wasn't about to make this about herself.

Delicately, she reached around his neck, loosing his tie. "I'm gonna take this off, okay?" explaining each of her movements as she did them so as not to startle him with anything unexpected. Matty's scattered brain was, of course, much too overwhelmed to process anything that she was saying to him, but the softness of her tone somehow made him nod anyway. She stood up, looking a few rows behind her, for George. They'd made an agreement that she would signal to him if she needed his help. Unfortunately, though, George was sound asleep, from what she could tell.

Shifting her attention back to Matty. "I'm gonna undress you, okay?"

She unbuttoned his button-down. "Honey, are you with me? need you to take off your undershirt, okay? it's much too tight."

When he made no effort to follow her instructions, she reached over and took it off for him. “Okay, I’ve got a better shirt for you in my bag. I just need to get it from the overhead bin, alright? I’ll be right back, okay?” 

Matty might as well have been asleep; he made no movement or attempt to acknowledge her, which broke her heart to a million pieces. 

She hurried over to George’s seat kicking it roughly to wake him up. 

“He needs you.” She simply stated as soon as she saw George’s eyes flutter open. 

George cleared his throat several times. “R-right. I’m up; I’m up. I promise.” He stood up, peaking ahead of him to wear Matty was seated. “He’s…naked?” 

She rolled her eyes. “Obviously, I’m getting him clothes. But I need you, you gentle giant. Help me get my bag before you sit with him? Just need to get his stuff…”

George sprung into action, following her commands swiftly while she went through her bag to find a 1975 crew neck that was two sizes too big on Matty, and a pair of his joggers. She’d packed them when he insisted on wearing his shirt and tie to the airport, hoping she’d use them under happier circumstances, but right now, she was just glad she’d thought ahead. She went over to the flight attendant and grabbed him some water to go along with the sleeping pills. 

By the time that she’d made it back to their seats George, had somehow talked Matty into reclining his seat, closing his eyes, and apparently leant  him some headphones. “What- how-“

George, ever the wizard, just shrugged. “It’s all I could think of, alright?”

She broke into a smile, kissing her friend’s balding head. “You’re an Angel, George.”

“Hmm.” George hummed, smirking. “Listen, I’ll go get a coffee to wake myself up. Give me a shout if you need me, yeah?”

***

Matty got through the reminder of the flight relatively alright. While he didn't manage to fall asleep, despite the sleeping pills she'd given him, nor did he manage to eat any real meals, the first class reclining chairs were comfortable enough for him to close his eyes and focus on an audio book for a couple of hours, and he did nibble on a piece of buttered toast while wrapped himself up in the blanket she'd bought him and shuffling through her especially curated playlist. The anxiety never completely left him, but he was happy to endure a lower-level persistent anxiousness instead of the sudden panic attack that had gripped him earlier.

At long last, they'd touched down and began their journey out of the airport. Matty always wondered if the arrivals terminal is universally more difficult to get through, or if his impatience to finally be done with the travel part always made it seem so, regardless of where in the world he'd found himself.

At baggage claim, the stress of the journey seemed to catch up to him. He wrapped his armed around her waist, burying his face into the side of her neck and breathing in her scent. Just when he'd closed his eyes, hoping to catch a breath while they waited for the couple of items that they could neither ship ahead of time, nor bring in their carry-ons, to appear on the carousel, he became aware of a couple of people catching on to his presence.

"No, Matty, please." her hand grabbed onto his arm around her waist when she felt him slip away from her, getting ready to greet the fans.

"It's fine, Darlin'" his voice was heavy with sleep, as were his eyes.

She sighed, this time, she couldn't be supportive of his decision. As she spotted his guitar and got ready to retrieve it, she overheard him apologize to a few people for "looking sweaty" and mumbling something about jet lag. Ross stepped in to help her with the bag, listening silently and nodding in agreement as she whispered her complaints about Matty's lack of boundaries. If she'd let him get a word in edgewise, he'd have said "you should've seen him when our career first started, he was acting like he was every fan's best mate." George joined Matty for a moment, saying a quick hello to everyone before politely excusing himself and pulling his friend away. "We've gotta go, Matty, c'mon."

Though George had succeeded in extracting Matty away, his victory was short-lived. At the airport gates, the guys were surprised to find a group of more than just a handful of fans waiting for them. Phone cameras flashed as soon as the gates opened, the crowd calling out and vying for the band's attention.

Adam was the first to jump into their designated car as it pulled up by the side of the building. Ross and George followed shortly behind him. Matty, on the other hand, was quickly separated from them when he paused momentarily, slightly thrown off, by the presence of people on both sides of the gates.

She rushed over to him, taking his hand and pulling him towards the car. For a moment, Matty let her lead the way, trailing behind her with a hand on her hip to keep from losing her. He kept his head down, but closer he got to the crowd, the louder they were, and the faster his heart beat. His palms were beginning to sweat and breathing was getting difficult again. A voice in the back of his head told him to stop, to take a look around and stop staring at his feet, and when he did, he saw the faces of the people looking at him and he couldn't help it. He let go of her hand, walking over to one group, while the other screamed out his name.

She attempted to call out his name, but her voice was drowned out by the phones beeping, cameras flashing, and excited chatter. She stood there, astounded as he smiled and hugged a few people, apologizing that he couldn't sign someone's phone case because he didn't have a pen on him.

He turned around to the second group, "I promise, I'll get to all of you if we don't cause too much trouble and security doesn't get involved. could we...maybe just move away from the gates?"

She sighed, exasperated by the lengths he was going to. He was practically behaving like a event organizer, ushering people away from the rest of the public.

As well intentioned as his plan was, it did not work out quite as he’d imagined. the moment that he moved people away from the airport gates, everyone naturally formed a circle around him, a few people elbowing their way to the front. He was trapped.

Matty froze in place, fighting to keep his expression straight and suppress the fight or flight response that had kicked in. What had he done? The illusion that he had any control at all over the situation was quickly blown away. She could see his hands shaking by the sides of his body as he struggled to regulate his breathing. She couldn’t take it anymore.

She squeezed her way past an appreciable number of people, trying to get to Matty. “Excuse me, yeah, could I just- get through. Thanks.” She grabbed his hand. “Hey, you,” and leaned into his ear “Matty, whatever you think you’re doing, it’s not smart. Let’s leave.”

“Just a second. Almost done.” He whispered, fully aware that there was no way people weren’t listening to their conversation.

“You’re not feeling well, let’s get in the car, please?”

“A few more people-“ she pulled him by the arm dragging him away from people and towards the car. Matty waved apologetically at groaning people who were mumbling how unfair this was, dipping his head low and rushing to keep up with  her. 

The chatter between the guys in the car fell silent as she and Matty climbed in. They settled into the backseat with Matty instantly clinging to her and resting his head on her chest as the car drove away. Her hands reflexively found his hair, running her fingers through it and kissing his forehead.

“Baby? Could I just say something?” Matty spoke, finally breaking the dead silence, once they’d made it onto the highway. 

“I don’t wanna hear it.” She said firmly.

Ross and Adam exchanged a look of surprise. Clearly impressed with, and in support of, her new tone.

Matty lifted his head halfway off of her looking up at her. “But I’d just like to explain-“

“I said I don’t wanna hear it. Can we not talk about it right now?”

He replaced his head back on her body, her hands resuming their soothing motions through his hair. “Can tell you’re angry.” He mumbled. 

“No shit! Of course I’m angry.” He heard her heartbeat rise as she spoke. Her hands still comforting him though her tone was definitely sharp. 

“I just wanna-“

“I said I don’t want to have this conversation right now, and yet, you keep fuckin’ pushing. Look, I know you love your fans. You’re grateful. And, honestly, it is one of the greatest joys of my life watching you interact with them. The knowledge that you can be so tender and compassionate- not just with me me, not with your family, the boys, your friends- but with complete strangers as well…that’s what makes you a man in my eyes. So, trust me, Matty, I don’t say this lightly, but you have absolutely no boundaries. You’re a pushover!”

Matty was quiet for a moment, taking in the gravity of her words. “Okay, I can see why you’d think that.” he opened his eyes, looking up her through his hair. “But could I just explain my side of things?”

“There is no ‘your side’! You are mentally and physically exhausted. Matty- you were literally shaking. And, this wasn’t a professional event! This wasn’t a signing or a meet-and-greet!”

“That’s exactly why l-“

“My point is, it wasn’t safe! What if someone’d gotten hurt? What if you’d gotten hurt? There was no security to control the situation. Nobody to help or be held accountable! There’s a reason everyone else was sitting in this car, and not out there with you.”

“I get it.” Matty conceded.

“We were all bending over backwards to make sure you’re okay, then you go and willingly put yourself in a stressful situation that would trigger you. I mean,” she shook her head, speechless. 

“I just- I’m sorry.”

“I know. Let’s just not talk about it anymore. Alright?”

Matty’s arms squeezed around her waist as he nuzzled his face deeper into her chest, kissing her skin in a silent apology.

The car fell into another silent lull, until, several minutes later, George peaked his head from the passengers seat and told her and Matty not to check Twitter. 

“Oh, god. What’d you have to say that for? You know Matty’s gonna wanna see it now!” Adam groaned, chastising George. 

“What?” George shrugged. “I said ‘whatever you do, don’t check Twitter,’ I didn’t say to hurry up and check it.”

“I’ve literally been biting my tongue this whole ride.”

Matty, who’d been  half asleep in her arms, pulled out his phone, blinking rapidly to adjust to the light of the screen. 

Just as he’d suspected, photos of him being dragged away from adoring fans were already circulating the internet. All captioned with dramatic out of context narratives. 

“Matty Healy and gf argue in the middle of airport parking lot”

“1975 front man  physically dragged away from fans by possessive gf.”

Comments embellished the description using every colorful name in the book. From “jealous” and “immature” to “frigid witch.”

Matty set his phone down, neither one of them said anything. They spent the remainder of their ride to the hotel in silence. 

***

“How’re you feeling?” She emerged out of the bathroom, walking over to Matty’s slumped over figure on the bed. 

“I’m sleepy, and hungry, and tired, and I smell like airplane.” He mumbled. “I’m also sad.”

“Why’re you sad?” She bent down to kiss his nose. 

“Cuz you’re mad at me. You don’t seem to understand- the fans…they’re like the most important thing. Unless I’m physically tied down, I will always go out there and meet them. Never gonna be dismissive. Never gonna make them feel like they don’t matter to me.” Matty sat up in bed, taking her hands in his, and pulling her closer to him. “You can’t put out the kind of music that I put out, and then pretend not to want anything to do with the people who listen to it.” She nodded, attempting to signal that she was on his side. “There are ways of saying ‘sorry, not today guys.’ Without being dismissive or rude.”

“I hope you know, that’s never gonna be me. I’d never say that to them. It’s just not who I am.”

“I know. I don’t expect you to suddenly change. I just hope you don’t expect me to either. Cuz I’m still gonna worry about you and try to protect you when you’re in over your head.”

Matty smiled at her with droopy eyes. “Deal.” He kissed her lips. 

“Sorry they’re saying mean shit online.”

“Are you kidding me? I’ve wanted to be a witch since I was a little girl!” She giggled. “Now, c’mon. I ran us a bath.”

“Wait…us? Like you AND me?”

***

“You had a really rough day today, huh?” She whispered as she snuggled into him, getting comfortable in their hotel bed. 

Matty turned on his side to face her, the smell of her freshly washed hair calming his mind. “Couldn’t have gotten through it without you.” He kissed her cheek. “Thank you.”

“Of course, baby.”

“Could we just…stay here, in this bed, for ever. Just you and me. Where it’s safe, soft, quiet.”

“Sounds like a great idea. Yeah, let’s do that.”