#posting more of my dearie 💖

[beatleswings]

MARIANNE FAITHFULL. 1981. Photo taken by LAURENCE SUDRE.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Stars Align 4

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as age gap, manipulation, power imbalance, dubcon/noncon and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Steve Rogers was one of the biggest stars of Hollywood’s Golden Era. For years, his disappearance from the spotlight has been a mystery, that is until he walks right into your life. (Old Hollywood AU/1960s AU)

Characters: silverfox!Steve Rogers, reader is named ‘Satyr’ for clarity

Note: :)

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Asking for more or putting ‘part 2?’ is not feedback.

Love you all. You are appreciated and your are worthy. Treat yourself with care. 💖

Satyr 

You stand by the wall, leashed by the curly cord of the phone as you wait for it to dial. You look again at the clock hung high on the wall. As you do, you catch Steve’s eye. It’s almost like he’s watching you. 

Your ma said she’d be a Lucy Anne’s around this time so you could call. You’re a few minutes past the hour but you don’t think she’d give up so soon. You press the lever and redial. This time, Lucy Anne picks up. 

“Huh, hello?” She grunts into the speaker. 

“Lucy Anne, it’s me, Satyr, is my ma there yet?” 

“Oh, she’s been here,” she chuffs. “Talking my ear off. She’s about right ready to tear her hair out.” 

“Is that her?” You hear your mother’s yawl. 

“Mmm, take it,” Lucy Anne huffs and there’s scuffing on the other end. 

“Hello?” Your ma’s voice piques. “Satyr? Are you okay?” 

“Ma, I’m just fine, I...” you pause and look over at the table. Steve sends a tight-lipped smile then turns his head straight. Sam is enraptured by the thick slice of chocolate cake in front of him, sucking the fork with each bite. “I got a call back.” 

“A call back? You got the part? But dearie, what’re you gon’ do? You got no place there. I told ya, it’s a fool’s game--” 

She begins her typical erratic lecture. Your mother’s always been afraid of anything beyond the farmstead. When you told her you had a ticket to the big city, she nearly burst her seams. You glance again the pair of men at the table then face the wall. You don’t think she’d believe you even if you told her the truth. 

“It’s alright, ma. They give a stipend to the girls comin’ back,” you lie with more ease than your comfortable with. “So I can let a room for the night and go back and dance.” 

“Then what? Oh, dear, oh dear! I told ya, it’s no good out there. I was reading the paper about the city, ya know? And there was this girl, got chased on that underground train they got. By strange men!” 

“Ma, I’m fine. It’s fine,” you assure her. “I’m sure I’ll be comin’ home soon. You know it’s a long shot.” 

That isn’t a lie. As nice as Sam and Steve have been, you’re not entirely convinced you’re the one. You’re just the first one. You read about those big time actresses and how many times they had to audition. The fierce competition and the rivalries. Over a hundred tried out just to be Scarlet O’Hara and you wouldn’t compare yourself to Vivien Leigh. 

“Oh, you be safe, dearie, please, just be safe. Oh, your father, if you could hear him. He was on a right rant this mornin’.” She continues on as she does. No congratulations or anything. Even if it was just the stage call back, it’d be a big deal. To her, it’s just dangerous dreams. 

“Well, ma, I’m glad to hear everything’s going good back home but I can’t keep glued to the phone. I’m sure someone else will be needin’ it and you should be headin’ back home before dark.” You interject upon her ramblings about the squeaky door in the kitchen. 

“I guess, oh honey, I love you,” she drawls. 

“Love you too, ma. I’ll call ya tomorrow? Same time?” 

“Oh, Lucy Anne,” she trills. “Can I come back tomorrow?” 

“Bring me some of that apple cake you make and I’ll put up with ya,” the crotchety neighbour answers. 

“Yes, tomorrow,” your ma assures. “Oh, dearie, please be safe.” 

“I will...” you inhale and cling to those word. You hope that you are being safe. You don’t think someone like Steve Rogers would lie. “Bye. 

“Good bye, muah, muah, muah,” she kisses into the phone. You reluctantly hang up and stay by the phone for a moment.  

Suddenly, you want very badly to go home. You want to be back in the barn dancing for the field mice. You want some of your ma’s apple cake and to hear your father’s curt complaints. You miss it all. 

You get yourself together and go back to the table. You’ve come this far, you got to keep going. If not, you didn’t just waste your time, but theirs. Sam and Steve look over as you take your seat. 

“Try the cake,” Sam says, “before I eat it all.” He stands and clutches the back of his chair. “Gotta get on the phone. Let Stark know we’ll be on our way.” 

“Thanks,” you look down at the saucer of thick sponge and rich icing. You’re not very hungry but your ma always taught you manners. You can’t go wasting good food. 

You pick up your fork and cut out a small bite. You taste it your cheeks pinch. You make a face and hover your fork over the hunk of cake. 

“Mmm,” you hum in surprise. 

“Like it?” Steve asks, angling in his chair to rest his arm over the back as he leans against the wall. 

“It’s very sweet,” you say. “Good but... my ma, her cake... it’s very good.” 

“I’m sure it is. Mothers always make the best food.” 

“Yeah, well... she’s doin’ okay,” you murmur and carve out another bite. 

“She worried about you?” He asks. You nod and take the next mouthful. “Well, don’t worry. Me and Sam got you a place. We can go to the studio tonight, if you’re up for it.” 

“Tonight?” 

“Just to do a few steps, screen test and all that has to wait. You’ll need to read over the script tonight and Stark will need to set up.” 

“Is that the Stark? Tony Stark?” You ask. 

“Oh, yeah, you know, his dad was the head of the studio in my day. We got along but Tony... he’s got a bit of a chip on his shoulder. Dad held onto the reins too long and—you know what, that stuff’s not important.” 

You twirl your fork thoughtfully, “I guess not... er, sir, Steve....” you begin awkwardly as the questions bubble in your head. “Why... never mind. It’s not my place to ask."

“Which is it?” He prompts, “why’d I come back now or why’d I leave?” 

You look down guiltily and shrug, “it doesn’t make a difference does it.” You put the fork down, you just can’t finish it. It’s too much sugar. “But uh, you know, even if I don’t get it, I’ll be the first in line for tickets! A new Steve Rogers film? That’s a dream and I might even get to go to the cinema to see it. I never been to one, it’s too far from home. Figure now I been off the farm though--” 

You clasp your hands and quiet yourself, “I’m ramblin’ on, I’m sorry.” 

“No, it’s...” he sounds almost breathless. “That excitement, hold onto it.” 

“I must seem so silly to you,” you rub your cheek sheepishly. 

“Nothing wrong with being enthusiastic. Lotta that left Hollywood ages ago.”  

“Hm, yeah...” you mull his pessimism. “Steve, can I ask a question? Another question?” 

“Ask whatever you like.” 

You sit up and look at him, your cheeks bulbing in a smile you can’t restrain, “when you jumped through that window in Ocean Eyes, was that really you?” 

He blinks and his brows twitch. He seems surprised by the question. “You remember that one?” 

“I like the underwater scene and all the fish,” you have to keep from bouncing in your seat. You’re really talking to Steve Rogers. As that sinks in, all those things you ever wondered about the movies cluster in your mind. 

“Well, it was really me,” He unbuttons his sleeve and rolls it up. He shows you a scar along his forearm, “got sliced good here but I tell people I got it over in Europe. They don’t ask much more after that.” 

You stare at the scar and make an O with your lips. Even all these years later, you can tell it was a bad one. You look up and meet his eyes as he watches you. 

“Gee, I’m sorry if I’m asking too much. I didn’t mean to--” 

“I don’t mind, really,” he assures you and fixes his sleeve. “Not many fans out there anymore... hoping you can me change that.” 

🎬

Steve 

“So...” Sam gulps loudly around another greedy bite of cake. “You like her?” 

Steve tears his eyes away from the woman spinning the phone dial with a tremor of nerves in each pull. He sits up and fixes his shoulders. He needs to be more mindful of his posture if he’s going to dance again. 

“She’s a great dancer,” Steve says. 

Sam scoffs and points with his fork, “I don’t need a dancer, I need a star.” 

“She’s great. All around.” 

“You really think she has it? She’s greener than grass.” 

“Well, what do you think?” Steve flips the question. “She’s charming in her own way.” 

“One shoe and all,” Sam chortles. “Rogers...” he pauses and looks the aged star in the face “...it’s more than you, we gotta sell her to Stark. He’s still gunning to get that girl he sees down in the Bronx on the role.” 

Steve rubs his jaw. “I know. We can.” 

“She’s good for the film, right?” Sam prompts. 

Steve’s agitated with the interrogation. What is he expecting Steve to say. He knows she’s the one... for the part. She has to be. Life has kicked him the teeth a lot, all those times were for something and this has to be too. 

He glances over at her as she holds the phone to her ear. Sam eats more cake. She looks back at him and turns to continue her conversation. It’s the first time he’s seen her less than bubbling with glee. That moment is everything he needs to see. She’s more than pretty smile. Her profile is stunning in her soberness. 

“She’s gonna need dialect training. She can’t talk like that on film,” Sam draws Steve back to the table. 

“She doesn’t sound that bad. She doesn’t need that Betty Davis thing going these days. I’ve seen the films the same as you,” Steve argues. 

“You have? You could’ve fooled me. Thought you were in a cave for the last fifteen years.” 

Steve sighs. He doesn’t know how many times he’s already heard the same thing from a dozen different people. He looks down at the table. If he hadn’t found Satyr that day, he might not have the spine to keep going. Tony would have his girl on the marquee and everything would be out of his hands. 

Sam tings his fork on Steve’s plate, “gonna eat that?” 

“Too sweet,” Steve slides his slice across to the gluttonous manager. 

Satyr approaches with her subtle limp and both men look over. She sits and smiles, that shadow of concern gracefully falling away. Steve can spot a good actress any day. 

“Try the cake before I eat it all,” Sam swallows another bite and stands. “Gotta get on the phone. Let Stark know we’ll be on our way.” 

“Thanks,” she peeks down at the rich slice before her.  

She takes her fork and cuts a small piece with the tines. She puts it in her mouth and her cheeks strain, her structure enhanced by the expression. Steve can hardly keep from staring. Immaculate. She pulls the fork from between her lips and holds it over the plate. 

“Mm,” she hums sharply. 

“Like it?” Steve asks as he catches the stray thread of sense in his head. He shifts and turns to face her in his chair. 

“It’s very sweet. Good but... my ma, her cake... it’s very good.” 

He knows she called her mother. She said so when she asked for the phone. She must miss her and he can’t blame her. It’s good to have people to miss. 

“I’m sure it is. Mothers always make the best food.” Steve says. 

“Yeah, well... she’s doin’ okay,” she drones. 

“She worried about you?” She nods at his questions and takes another bite that makes her eyes round. “Well, don’t worry, me and Sam got you a place. We can go to the studio tonight, if you’re up for it.” 

“Tonight?” Her surprise crackles in her voice. 

“Just to do a few steps, screen test and all that has to wait. You’ll need to read over the script tonight and Stark will need to set up.” He explains, trying to sound casual, as if he isn’t dredging into the depths of his memory to recall how it all works. 

“Is that the Stark? Tony Stark?” She asks. 

“Oh, yeah, you know, his dad was the head of the studio in my day. We got along but Tony... he’s got a bit of a chip on his shoulder. Dad held onto the reins too long and—you know what, that stuff’s not important.”

He undercuts his own exasperation. He can’t have her know that bitterness in him. She still sees him as the man he once was. 

She spins the fork, “I guess not... er, sir, Steve....” She hesitates. “Why... never mind. It’s not my place to ask.” 

“Which is it?” He asks, “why’d I come back now or why’d I leave?” 

She dips her chin and shrugs. “It doesn’t make a difference does it.” She lays down the fork with a grimace. “But uh, you know, even if I don’t get it, I’ll be the first in line for tickets! A new Steve Rogers film? That’s a dream and I might even get to go to the cinema to see it. I never been to one, it’s too far from home. Figure now I been off the farm though--” 

She clutches her hands together and jitters, “I’m ramblin’ on, I’m sorry.” 

He is taken by the twang in her voice. How can Sam she sounds anything but wonderful? She’s a symphony of perfection. 

“No, it’s...” he catches his breath. “That excitement, hold onto it.” 

“I must seem so silly to you,” she touches her cheek self-consciously and his eyes follow the gesture. He imagines what her hands must feels like before quickly righting his course. 

“Nothing wrong with being enthusiastic. Lotta that left Hollywood ages ago.” 

“Hm, yeah...Steve, can I ask a question? Another question?” She squeaks. 

“Ask whatever you like.” Take whatever you like. 

She nearly bounces in her chair as she smiles. Again, his breath traps inside him, his heart pounding. “When you jumped through that window in Ocean Eyes, was that really you?” 

He exhales and almost laughs. He can’t help but let his surprise show through. That old movie with Judy, yet another attempt to get her on a good path. Poor Judy. “You remember that one?” 

“I like the underwater scene and all the fish,” she beams. 

“Well, it was really me,” He pulls at the button on his sleeve and rolls it up. He reveals the scar along his forearm and focuses on not letting himself tremble, “got sliced good here but I tell people I got it over in Europe. They don’t ask much more after that.” 

She examines it and her lips round in concern. She’s enthralled at the scarred memory. What would she think of the other ones? Of the aches and pains in his knees and shoulders? What if he isn’t the right one? He’s too old. Can he even keep up with her? 

“Gee, I’m sorry if I’m asking too much. I didn’t mean to--” She breaks the lull as she sits back. 

“I don’t mind, really. Not many fans out there anymore... hoping you can me change that.” He nods to himself, trying to believe his own words.

Can he really do this? Is it too late? 

[telomeke]

10 (or So) BL Boys I Want Carnally (Plus a Couple of Girls Too)

I was tagged by @neuroticbookworm at this post here and @waitmyturtles at this post here. Thank you dearies! 🥰

Now here's the thing before I get on with the post: after a certain time I think sexual attraction is a phenomenon more intellectual than physical.

So the beautiful people I'm listing below are ones whom I think fit the list in my head as examples of those genetically blessed with sexual desirability. But it's not as though I'm really feeling a carnal stirring in the loins for them. No fantasied jumping of bones (or boners) here; I would probably run a mile in the opposite direction if any of them actually presented themselves naked and available to me, you get my drift?

Still, since the malls are open I do like to look (even if it's only window shopping through binoculars 🤣). So, in no particular order, with tongue firmly in cheek and more admiration in my head (for the obvious hard work at the gym) than lust in my heart (or anywhere else) – here goes: 😍

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1. Nonkul Chanon

I know Nong Non looked like a little ball of Koreanesque sunshine in I Feel You Linger in the Air (really channeling 2PM's Wooyoung for me), but Mistah Santinatornkul used to be beefier and apparently lost weight to look all sweet and wispy for the role of Jom in IFYLITA.

Dunno bout you, but I miss the beef. (And if you do too, I urge you to click on the YouTube link above. 😁) Also, Nonkul had four lead roles in 2023; I think his star is on the ascendant, so keep an eye out for this one (he seems to have an international presence that most other Thai stars don't, though it beams eastwards). 🤩

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2. Ohm Pawat

I prefer him hunkier and chunkier like he was during his Bad Buddy Pat Napat days (he's too shredded and gangly beanstalk now for me) but I've actually met Ohm in real life and (I've said this before) his smile is supernova dazzling. Like everything else in the room simply fades to a blank whiteness. (Or maybe it was just me feeling faint. 🤣) Supremely photogenic (I don't think he has any bad angles), this boy definitely has the X factor and after Bad Buddy I will always be a diehard fan.

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3. MaxTul

The original kings of BL who never shied away and just went for it when it counted. I rue the loss of Tul to business or real estate or whatever it is he's focusing on now, but this coupling will always be legendary so I'm putting them together as one on my list.

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4. Gap Jakarin

You may be noticing a trend here, but I do like a bit of meat with my two veg. 😜🍆🥩🥬🍴🤣 Anyway I'm all goo-goo eyed at lovable himbo Yai in The Sign, especially when we see how smitten he is with his beautiful girlfriend Sand (who's canon transgender in the show, as Yoshi Rinrada is in real life too 💖). And that's carried over to my appreciation of Gap Jakarin in all his meaty meathead glory offscreen as well.

Plus when he was in the bulking phase (or maybe it was for a role?) Gap was also carrying a fair bit of baby fat in the following photo on his Instagram, and somehow that just makes him even more teddybeardorable in my eyes: 🧸😍

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5. Neo Trai

Always the boy you remember in roles you'd rather forget. I've liked his look (neck up) for a long time now; in his current gym bunny phase the rest of Neo is looking more buff by the day and I approve, aesthetically speaking. More to love. 😘

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6. Force Jiratchapong

Nice to look at. Only just about makes up for his roles and acting though. I'm not hurrying to watch anything he's in, unless it's for a photoshoot like the one in the YouTube video above. 😮

7. Pavel Naret

It appears he's had a little surgical tweaking recently, but the doctors did a fine job and Pavel is always looking like he's some sort of walking sex buffet, dishing out sass and overflowing sex appeal at every turn. Still not enough to make me wanna watch Pit Babe though. 🤣

8. KaowOat Supasin

Apologies for the fuzziness of this screencap but I can almost feel non-existent ovaries swelling within me when I look at KaowOat's pensive buttcrack and delicately-placed fingers here. Almost makes me want to watch Playboyy The Series. Almost.

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9. Net Siraphop

I'm also on board with everybody's carnal favorite Net, even though I've not watched a single thing he's been in (Uea's kitty ears in Bed Friend did a good job warding me off, like garlic and crucifixes to a vampire so well done James Van Helsing). Nonetheless all the screenshots and GIFs were more than enough to leave me a little breathless at Net's honey-toned beauty. Those eyes telling of mysterious depths! That handsome jawline! That teasing glimpse of buttcheek with no tanline! When upon a time will we finally get Love Upon a Time? I'll be watching, if James can keep his furry ears out of frame.‌

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10. Kao Noppakao

Oh he of the excellent cheekbones and Cupid's Bow lips! Always looking so icy and unavailable, yet Kao utterly charmed his way into my heart in Lovely Writer (and then shattered it within the first few minutes of Until We Meet Again). Like Ohm he literally cannot take a bad photo; it's all Blue Steel and high fashion with this one.

BONUS 1 (because I am no respecter of limits):

Great Sapol is on here because he filled out his tight policeman's uniform so well in Manner of Death (and has me vibrating with pins and needles waiting for Wandee Goodday). And Taylor Zakhar Perez just because he was such a menace in Red, White & Royal Blue (that full frontal above is from Minx though). 😜 Plus TZP's name always gives me the giggles because zakar in a number of countries quite literally means what that eggplant is hiding. 🤣

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BONUS 2 (because these girls have made me feel something):

Zorzo Nathanan (formerly Zorzo Natharuetai)

Ever since she roared up and flicked those lovely long locks (and legs) on her motorcycle in Lovely Writer, I've been going weak at the knees for the ravishing confection that is Zorzo. Supposedly queer in real life too; just adds to the appeal. 🤩

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Namtan Tipnaree

Absolutely radiant and glowing in Last Twilight even though makeup and wardrobe have Namtan totally frumped out for the character of Porjai. If you can look this good with perpetual bedhead and a shapeless gray t-shirt, there's some kind of sexual sorcery going on and there's a part of me that wants whatever it is she's got. 💖

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I always tag too many people so I'm going to buck my brand and tag just one: @non-binarypal7. But consider yourself tagged if you've read this far and would like to play too – I just love reading other people's takes in tag games! 😍

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[k-looking-glass-house]

Hello K!! I follow you on my main blog but my twst blog is @twst-the-night-away. I reblogged your post about requests, but consider this a formal "please dress up one of my OCs sometime, you fashionable creative genius" request! 💖✨️

Hellooooo darling!! Yes I saw your reblog hashtag <3 but thanks a lot to have sent an ask!! I hope you don't mind ...the choice I made....You know... I'm a pink lover....

Thanks anyway!! (when I'll get more time, I'll definitely try to make outfit for your other babies (if my style suits you ah ah!))

K:"Mademoiselle LaPerle, how are you? How ish your family doing? Yesh your outfit ish ready!! I jusht finished the pearl broderie! Fell free to come anytime to my Atelier or Sham's Shop!"~

K being one of Sam's familiar, I guessed they might know LaPerle family

....It's pink....I'm sorry but I soooo loveeee it!!! A Charlotte!Twst oc (on the villain side).......Definitely love it!!!

I went for a vintage ""semi Ch*nel, semi Gu*ci" style outfit even Giv*nchy classy vibes, mixed with a 90's Barbie vibes!

... Hope you don't mind....

Ah and lots of pearls since her name is the french name of it!!

Thank you dearie anytimes!

[yukidragon]

Hiya Dearie~! Congrats on 900 followers again btw!

Anyways I have this one headcanon of Joseph that I haven't noticeanyone else bring up.

Joseph having physical scars.

Now if this is too serious then you can skip this!

But back to it, Joseph ran away while in high school, he carried a knife and all that, now he's big and strong, there's no way he hasn't gotten into anything physical before. Making me think he has actual scars from said hardships, maybe even some from his home life before he left?

I just this the man would have physical and visible scars, mabe he kinda hides them or something? But ya, that's my personal headcanon...

What are your thoughts my dear?

Awww, thank you so much! You're so sweet! 💖

Don't worry about scars being too serious of a topic. I've dipped my toes into this sort of headcanon before. My MC Alice has one as well, with her Mafia AU counterpart having several.

While we haven't seen any scarring on Jack's naked body even on the teasers posted on the SnaccPop Studios Patreon, that doesn't necessarily mean that Joseph didn't have any scarring. After all, we don't see his tattoos when he's Jack, and he certainly had them as Joseph.

Aside from old sprites shown in the beta version of the demo, the only times we have seen Joseph out of makeup are in this tinted photo, and in teasers where he's dead and probably rotting. While the sprites from the beta show no signs of scarring, the game is still in development and we haven't seen what Joseph's new sprite looks like unclothed.

Obviously we see damage to his body where he's a ghost(?), but we see those same exposed parts in the photo of him out of makeup without any such damage. That isn't to say that there aren't any scars that he's able to hide underneath his clothes.

Now, the fact that Joseph carried a knife around with him does hint that he was prepared to fight, if nothing else. In a picture that Sauce drew and posted publicly on their old twitter, a (presumably) teenage Joseph was shown covered in scrapes and bandages.

While this is technically not canon unless it appears on the Sunny Day Jack twitter, tumblr, or another official game page it would make sense given we have hints that he was a troublemaker.

Credit for the art, as always, goes to the awesome Sauce. Remember, don't share and repost the privately posted content from the Snaccpop Studios Patreon. Let's support the team where we can.

Now... when it comes to Joseph's home life, the only solid hint we have is what the psyche consultant assessed about him. Assuming the consultant was correct, his parents might have said they loved him, but didn't mean it, even early in his life. I suspect that he was neglected, ignored and forgotten, which was why I think he acted up and turned into a punk. Even bad attention is still attention, you know?

That isn't to say that there couldn't have been some abuse going on in his house when he was growing up. It's entirely possible that he learned bad habits from his parents/guardians, which included lashing out at others weaker than them.

Then there was the period of time when Joseph was homeless. The sad truth is that people who have to live life on the streets are constantly in danger. Even if he escaped his hometown unscarred, that doesn't mean he couldn't have been scarred literally and metaphorically while he was struggling to survive on his own.

As for my own personal headcanon on the subject, I can't say that I have any strong inclination either way.

Typically when I add scars to a character, I like to attach a significant moment or change in their life that has affected them permanently. For example, Alice got her scar when Ian cheated on her, and in the Mafia AU her scars were from when she was trafficked.

If I were to give Joseph a scar in any of my writing/headcanons, it would be because I thought of an interesting incident to go with it that I wanted to write and/or mention.

As it is, I'm more inclined not to give Joseph scars, at least none significant enough to make mention of. From a narrative stance, the tattoos serve as scars, which, well, tattoos kind of are already. They are permanent markings made to his skin with a needle. They're scars that say a lot about him, ones he chose to have and regrets now.

Then of course there's the damage his body has taken due to his death, which is reflected in his putrefaction and blood. This state of decay draws far more attention than any scar would, and is a direct reflection of the trauma he faced from his death. So in this case, the zombie-like state would be another type of scarring Joseph suffers from.

These are pretty significant parts of his character. As a writer, I'm concerned that adding more scars might muddle the significance of how the tattoos and the rotting damage/alter his body and affect his mental state.

That isn't to discourage anyone from headcanoning Joseph with scars that he hides under his clothes. Hell, I might come up with an idea later on down the line that enamors me. At the moment though, I would rather keep focus on the mistakes of Joseph's past and his death that have left such a deep scar on him that he chooses to be someone else entirely in the present.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur 

[nfumbewalk]

Them & Me

Work altar - a ritual with Rodolfo.

I'm being a dork and reflecting on my life & stupid exploits. I had a mini-breakdown (My 19th, Stones fans!) today. But seriously, bad day. Big fight with my husband. Thought I'd lose him. Dunno, he doesn't want to deal with my emotional crap anymore. I'm no fluffy kitten! I misbehave too much. I'm judging me, I'm not covering for a complete asshole. I'm the asshole. Klonopin turns me into a dick, no joke. Anyway, things are okay. We're 20 years in, think we're going anywhere? Nawww. 😂

I'm thinking of how different it is with muertos around me. It's mostly Rodolfo, but I get visitors too. I was sitting at Rodolfo's altar and I was glancing at the glass vase of water. I saw my dad's face! He was still older & bearded. I always had the thought that maybe ppl got to a younger state when they crossed over.

No, I was told that you remain your death age until elevation starts it's 2nd stage, which is called "Opening." It's this stage when the muerto can make more appearances, perhaps regularly - but only in fleeting glances, shadows, odors and minor disturbances like noises - footsteps or items falling down and occasional voices.

So why then do muertos have to wait to appear how they want to? It's all about what they did in certain stages of their life. There is judgement, no matter what religion, or no religion you are. There is this great cosmic force that helps people decide how they want to ruminate over the wrongdoings that they may have committed in life. Not everyone has done serious wrongs. These muertos go to the Grode. It's a place of stasis for them. Not in a bad way. They do not do duties, but they do visit the living, study & practice religion or their path, and generally ascend to the next step of elevation.

How does a muerto pay for wrongdoing? Duties. Helping tend to the place they stay, The Grode - but separate from the other muertos. This is kinda like limbo, a stasis. These muertos have duties, like I said. What do they do? It's their job to keep up the Grode's grounds, help other muertos, visit the living, and if they choose, practice their religion & study it and do their practices if they have any.

I said the muertos "pay" & there is "judgement" - not suffer pain eternally & burn in hell. Is having duties bad? Ya haven't made it to Freedom (Heaven) yet! People can be stuck in one of the 4 Stages of Elevation for a long time. I mean, lots of people haven't even Crossed Over because they haven't accepted their even dead!! My mom as an example. She died in 2006 & just barely accepted her death two years ago.

My dad accepted his death right away, was relieved, and Crossed earlier this year. He died August of last year. I've found that if a muerto in life was sick or in pain, not just old - elevation will be quick. I think my dad will be pretty fast. He was in a great deal of physical pain & had dementia - which broke my heart so much.

He worked so hard in steel & heavy equipment, foundries, and as a cook in restaurants to keep us off of food stamps. My parents didn't like sponging off the government. My dad was a simple country boy who didn't really match weird as fuck Portland, Ore. Though I grew up a city gal, I hate Portland now.

Sorry, guess I miss my parents. It's hard not having many living relatives. Though I could try to find some in Germany?!? Lol! Just realizing my family line has ended. Hopefully my son has children. All i have is my stupid atheist brother. Love him but his Adderall is melting his brain.

All of my talking about muertos & Elevation, the Grode, etc is to my knowledge truthful. Lorkane has said many many things that have come true for me, even as a child. I didn't know of Lorkane's name until recently. Just thought, "Oh! Intuition!" Naw, it was Lorkane. Durrr. "The Inevitable Spirit Guide" that I used to dread.

Well, dearies. Going to rest.

M.M. 💖💀💖

Did I capture the topic? Or did I slide too much? Post a comment! 😊

[acourtofladydeath]

💖😈⏰ !

Hello dearie!!

💖: I truly write what I enjoy so I enjoy to read it! There's certain fics, like my Peter Pan Azris AU (aged up) that I've weaved so many little details throughout that I just love going back to find them and adore that connection all over again. Other pieces just have little bits of me and my experiences running through them and bring me joy to read, or help me process life and feelings like I did when I wrote them.

😈: Sometimes I really enjoy playing with characters out of character, like super soft Eris or Az. I love a good romance, and will tweak characters to fit those stories occasionally. I also just like to see what they do when I write them that way! This process can surprise you and take you down roads you didn't intend to explore. I think there's some people who will enjoy that and others who it's not their cup of tea. And that's okay!!

Also my absolute lack of posting schedule. But I have a very busy life, and writing is a thing that I do for FUN and if I force myself to meet deadlines, it's not fun for me anymore. I enjoy the process of creation more on my own time, but it leaves readers following ongoing fics wanting for longer than I'd like sometimes (so sorry to all of you following "A Place Eternal" and "And So Our Life Begins", they're not discontinued or anything like that, I've just been busy/working on other brain worms and real life stuff). I will force myself to deadlines for certain event weeks, but in that case I find it to be fun!!

⏰: It honestly depends!! I read a lot of books and fic. Some weeks I exclusively read fic or exclusively read books. Some weeks I don't read and I just write! I'm a mood reader and a mood writer, so it really just depends on how I'm feeling in that moment and what else is going on in my life.

Thank you so much for your ask!!! Love hearing from you!

[crimsonrosee]

EMMA HONEYYYY!!! OMG HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETHEART!!! WISH YOU A AMAZING DAY FILLED WITH HAPPINESS LOVE AND LOTS OF FUN TIMES WITH YOUR LOVED ONES!! <333333 May all your dreams come true dearie!! You're such a wonderful and cute person!! I'm always so happy to see you online and your beautiful creations emma! you're seriously such an angel ilysm hon!! *hugs you tight* And i just saw the message from that anon!! DON'T MIND what they said!!! Please don't be upset on your day cutie!! It's way more important than this darling!! *smooches you* Keep what you love doing, we will always be excited to see them and stay by your side emma!! Take care darling, ignore the message, people just don't know what it costs content creators to do their works... have a blast on your day hon!! Want to see you happy!! <3333333 hehe SMILE!!! <333333

AWW ANA SWEETIE! U MADE ME SM BETTER! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) Thank you for typing such lovely & sweet message on my inbox! I'm delighted ur here & made me feel better after replying to that rude anon (⁠´⁠;⁠︵⁠;⁠`⁠)

Anyways im so grateful to you as always & omg u posted Yona of the Dawn edit as i missed ur edits sm! 😭💖 (some of ur edits are on queue list) Its absolutely breathtaking & stunning set dear! 🥹💗 I ALWAYS LOVE UR EDITS & IM THE BIGGEST FAN OF UR WORK! Have a wonderful day dear Ana! (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡🌸🍡✨

[gojosattoru]

Hi Ana!!! I just wanted to check up on you and see how you're doing 🥺 I hope you're well! I'm also stopping by to tell you how much I love you (spoiler: it's a lot) I love love love all your sxf edits you've been doing lately 💖 you're so talented I'm always in awe! Tbh you could post anything and I'd just stare at it!!! I'll always be thankful for the kindness you've shown me over the last couple years and I feel blessed to know you 💖💖💖 ilyyyy

Hello Sky sweetheart! Aww this is so endearing sweetheart! I have been doing alright, fighting with my depression again feeling a bit down lately but except that everything is going well ^^ thank you for checking on me and for saying such lovely comments about my works Sky! It means a lot, it makes me happy and feel more confidence about them to keep on working on my edits hon *hugs you real tight* thank you so so so much bby! I too adore your gfx, always so pretty and vibrant, i just adore seeing them on my dash and i seriously jump in joy when i see a new coloring or gifs!! <333 hehe keep it up darling! And not to say that i always love seeing your posts talking about how much you love douma and sharing your feelings with us and tastes, makes me be more closer to you and cherish that moment you are telling us what you are feeling at that moment!! It’s so precious, thank you so much for that Sky! <333 Love you so much bby! Hope you are doing well too and i'm always sending you my love and good vibes Sky! you deserve the best! It's been awesome to know you and to be one of your friends ; U ; hehe Stay well and safe dearie!! <333333 MUAAH!!

[freetobeafcknriot]

💭 👀💖

tuo!! hello dearie! <3 sorry for not answering sooner, uni has been tough all week :c thank you for asking though!

📷. What is a headcanon you have about your own work?

i hope i didn't misinterpret the question, but━ okay in my head, 90% of my works are all connected. yes, this includes fanfics from different fandoms: sometimes i even sneak in a little reference or a mini cameo that only i (mostly) can spot because i honestly find it funny and kind of cute for my otps to cross paths without noticing, okay? unless it's a very unique au we're talking about (idk for example, 'crescendo' and 'unpredictability' can't take place in the same universe or storyline if you will because the first one's a fix-it of 15x19 while the other one completely ignores 15x19; however, both of them can be linked to all my other non/midam fanfics etc.), they're all a big ohana lmfao.

📷 Do you have any WIPs that you would never let see the light of day? If yes, what are they about?

yeees, i do! i have a wip that is kind of a comfort fic / story i keep adding little bits to whenever i feel lonely or sad, so it’s not really directed towards anyone else but me. talking about characters and ships that the people i usually interact with on here know, yes to that too! i have a midam au that i’d be reluctant to post and am working on for fun (there is a lot of worldbuilding and stuff to adapt and i always get carried away with these things, they're my cup of tea). maybe something will come out of it eventually, sooner or later, but━we'll see.

📷 What do you like most about your own writing?

i'm a bit self-conscious about my writing ━ mostly when it's stuff written in english, though it's not exactly out of my comfort zone it surely takes more effort ━ but i'd say i like how i express emotions and the feelings that link two or more characters. without interrupting or slowing the scene down, that is: it's all in their gestures and body language, in the tone of their voice or in the eyes, etc. (along with what goes on in their head and heart of course). we're humans, i think we're meant to feel for others in a way, to form a connection. so whether it's sadness, frustration, love, an erratic mixture of multiple stuff at once, conveying emotions as real as i possibly can is kind of my thing. comes with having a sort of oniric writing style and being the empathetic type i guess, but i read my own fics sometimes, and it always satisfies me when i can feel the tension or in general, i can not only see the characters but also feel them.

fanfic ask game

[bloodredrose-archive]

thank you so much, queen! 😭💘 i am so, so grateful for your presence in my life! 💝 you make it so much more magical and so much more beautiful! 🌹✨ i absolutely adore you and all that you are ♥️💋

ah, I'm just now seeing/acknowledging this, having recently come off of post limit (and undoubtedly propelling myself back into it again), but it is absolutely no problem at all, dearie! You deserve to be imbued with compliments like those I gave you, for the rest of your glorious days. 💞

& I'm very thrilled I was able to have that grand of an impact on your life! You truly flatter me — it's sugary-sweet, just how magnificently you do. The sentiment is appreciated, and very much reciprocated; you're quite the marvelous, precious, utterly delightful and charming human being yourself and I cherish every last aspect of you, as well. Never could I visualize my life without you present in it, nor will I of my own doing. Merry belated Christmas, darling. 💖

[telomeke]

Current Tag Game

Tagged by @colourme-feral in this post – thanks dearie! 💖

Current time: 9:59am (when I started this! it's now much later but I'm not gonna re-write...).

Current activity: Had a work deadline last night so tidying up the aftermath (deleting unwanted files, etc.).

Currently thinking about: How the project submission for work went. Annoyed that I skipped gym this morning just in case there were last minute changes to the project submission and we'd have to re-submit today; but now that's not needed I'm missing legs day. Also thinking about munching on something extra because breakfast was too light (hardboiled eggs, grapes and blueberries – all originally meant as a post-swim snack, re-purposed to become breakfast since gym was canceled). Maybe fry up an omelet and sausages, or grill some salmon? 😋 Or shall I just munch on some creamy Whittaker's milk chocolate since lunch will be soon and anything heavier might spoil it? 🤔  

Current favorite song: I don't know if they qualify as favorites, but songs will enter my brainspace and then swirl around in there for a while, refusing to leave. So I'm constantly listening to them (on YouTube, not Spotify; don't have a smartphone) and/or singing along in an effort to exorcise the earworm. At the moment the playlist in my head is:

I Don't Think That I Like Her Anymore (Charlie Puth)  Charlie constantly amazes me with his superhuman ability to churn out catchy melodic turns and unusual aural takes on percussion sounds for his backing rhythms (e.g., the light switch in Light Switch). This song continues with his quirky stylings, and I'm loving the pounding bass coming in to frame the heavyweight sock-it-ta-ya message of the song's chorus after the light plaintive vocals of the introductory and intervening verses. The second (melodic) line of the chorus ("Cause they're all the same") is so simple and yet so perfectly fitting after the bold hook of the first line – I find myself asking each time I hear it how could anything else ever fit better? And then it builds and builds to a big finish, at the end of each chorus and also at the end of the song – that key change from B Major to C# Major is quite a genius step, retro yet so fresh. (But still... C sharp? 👀 OK if your electronic thingamajig can auto-transpose but hell on a trad keyboard.) I know this song is from a year ago but I'm not simply wallowing in nostalgia (oh all right, so yes I am a bit) – there is nonetheless a BL connection that first got me hooked on this. The cast of my current fave I Feel You Linger in the Air did their own take on the TikTok Kpop dance challenge of this song (linked here, with other TikToks here) and they're just so cute dancing along. Nonkul attempts a little elbow jab in homage to the original choreo, while Bright gives up after a couple of bars and just goes on doing alternating wrist twirls like those you sometimes see in Southeast Asian dance… 🤣 Alee and Tian seem like they're having fun, as does Attila, but who knew Khun Robert could actually look this good, all goofy and charming when he smiles doing a silly little jig?

‌

All I Want for Christmas is You (Mariah Carey)  Ever since Ms. Mariah broke her icy containment after Halloween (see this video here 😂) I've been singing along, getting in the mood for carols, fruitcake and Christmas decorations because it reminds me of time spent with (departed) family. Happy because those are happy times worth recalling, but also bittersweet because those loved ones are no longer around.

‌

One of Your Girls (Troye Sivan)  While I tend to feel a pinch of resentment whenever Aussies of European origin seem to get opportunities in the West more easily than non-white people do, I have to remind myself it's the system and not the talent that is at fault. So credit where credit is due and I'm a fan of what Troye has done with this and his earlier releases (like his video with PP Krit 😃😍). One of Your Girls is just so beautiful and languid as it teases with its message, and consistently Troye is breathtakingly beautiful and languid in the video, teasing us with an offering of the forbidden. I'm feeling things I never thought I would. 😮 The choreography is pretty daring too. (Especially that crotch flare – where did they tuck the dangly bits? I'm wincing as I watch.) Also shout-out to all the different representation with the models. 😍

‌

Then I'm Gonna Give You Up (Rick Astley)  This is Rick Astley spoofing Rick Astley (more explanation linked here) and just so funny. Especially since the original song is already iconic on Tumblr.

‌

Fast Car (Luke Combs)  Another nostalgia trip, this is an absolutely stellar rendition of the already phenomenal original by Tracy Chapman. Almost like Marc Cohn's Walking in Memphis with its sense of urgency and of bottled emotions about to explode, maybe just a shade less of Marc's full-throated growl in Luke's voice, but earthshaking nonetheless. In these 21st century times (and in my corner of the world where BL and queer rep cross my dash all the time) I love that Luke (a married man with a wife and two kids, looking for all we know like the straightest of the hets) didn't change Tracy's line "So I work in the market as a checkout girl", paying homage to the original and smashing at the gender-obsessives everywhere in a quietly powerful way.

‌

Currently reading: My language study textbooks; not much time for anything else though I do miss having a good work of fiction to keep me company whenever the slate of Thai drama dips in quality.

Currently watching: I Feel You Linger in the Air – a really impressive work, solidly-grounded in its universe with overhanging familial, social and political intrigue that threatens to overshadow (but never really does) the chemistry between Khun Yai and Jom.

I've fallen in hard love with this and just hope that Tee Bundit will display the wisdom associated with his name (for those as linguistically-obsessed as I am, Bundit is the homologue for pundit in English, pandit in Hindi and pendita in Malay) and wrap up the finale with more finesse than he has done on his other shows. (Something tells me though that the sense of foreboding you get while watching IFYLITA is partly due to the dread that Tee is going to rush and stumble through the last bits, leaving viewers less than satisfied with the ending like he did with Lovely Writer, Hidden Agenda and Step by Step.) However this goes, I'm a new fan of Nonkul and Bright's acting, and can't wait to see more of them.

As to what else I'm watching – I'm still trying to finish Only Friends, if only to be able to say that I've finally watched a Jojo show all the way to the end. It's not for me, though it has some moments that shine (like Neo's performance, and all the shirtless scenes) but I struggle to find anything that satisfies on a more cerebral level. I'm not opposed to sensuality and messy drama being foregrounded over more intellectual underpinnings (all hail KinnPorsche) but for me it doesn't go earthy and raw enough to make up for whatever else it doesn't do.

Current favorite character: Pat and Pran from Bad Buddy will always be on this list, but because I'm currently enjoying IFYLITA I'm sure I've been visited by Por Jom, Khun Yai, Khun Ueangphueng, Ba Prik, Ming and Khun James in my dreams lately (and also a certain racing piglet 🤣).

Current WIP: All in my head, but I have a final wrap-up post on Bad Buddy locations percolating, as well as one on the graphics in the show (that give us hints of Pat and Pran's interior worlds).

Tagging names I've seen more than once cross my dash and/or notes:

@neuroticbookworm @airenyah @alexis-mika @belladonna-and-the-sweetpeas @wen-kexing-apologist @twig-tea @pandasmagorica @respectthepetty @dribs-and-drabbles @waitmyturtles @dimplesandfierceeyes @writerwithoutsound @bengiyo @grapejuicegay @lamonnaie @lurkingshan @callipigio @italianpersonwithashippersheart @recentadultburnout @kattahj @theheightofdishonor @fiddlepickdouglas @dc-alves @brazilian-whalien52 @slayerkitty @silvercrystal1 @dudeyuri @ranchthoughts @suni-san @chawarin-panich @lurkingteapot @solitaryandwandering

and anyone else who'd like to play. 😍 Apologies if you've already been tagged; point me to your post if so! And apologies if I've forgotten to mention anyone; if I follow or if you follow me please know you are loved and do play along if you wish! 💖

Also a special tag carved out for the lovely @visualtaehyun as a part-apology; you've tagged me before on a couple of other games and I wrote out about half of my replies – but then work deadlines became urgent and got in the way. Ruefully I had to abandon those posts (especially since they're now weeks out of date). So this is my way of saying thanks for tagging me on those tag games, sorry for not replying, and I hope you'll play along with this one because I love getting to know like-minded people on Tumblr! 💖

[gaytedlasso]

🌷🌼 Send this to ten bloggers you think are wonderful. Keep the game going! (no pressure <3)🌼🌷

AGATA 💛💐✨

Thank you dearie! I've had a weird day and this made it better. Also I already told you this but thanks for all the love in the tags of my art posts today. Brightened my day even more 💖

[yukidragon]

Hi again dearie~ Sorry but I don't know if you posted anything about it, but, do you have any of your beautiful theories on as to Why, the MC doesn't remember making the deal with Jack when they met him?

It's really raking my brain on if it's important, that they remember or not, and as to what caused them to forget and the reason behind it....

Gosh, you really flatter me with such high praise. Thank you! I’m glad you enjoy my theories so much. 💖

The fact that MC can’t remember what happened is quite interesting. We, the players, are given glimpses in both versions of the demo of at least some of the initial conversation between MC and Jack. The fact that we don’t get to see it all and that MC forgets it hints to me that whatever happened that day resulted in their special bond.

There’s not enough clues to indicate what exactly happened, but I do have my own personal headcanon that I’m using for Sunshine in Hell. I’ve briefly mentioned in past theories among other topics that I think Jack and MC made a deal that created a bond between their souls. Specifically, they have a piece of each other’s souls.

The reason why I think this is because of the threatening monologue Jack gives an unknown person. He mentions that a piece of him is in a place the person can never reach and it’s growing bigger and stronger. In the “no” route he “taking some part” of MC. I think this piece mentioned in both cases is a piece of their souls, which creates the connection.

Considering consent and Jack being literally unable to do anything MC doesn’t want is a big part of the story, this leads me to believe that MC willingly agreed to this exchange. They can also choose to end the deal at any time.

Now... given Jack might be able to make MC black out, as we’ve seen after their conversation with Ian, it’s possible that he intentionally made them forget the deal. This would obscure the details of it and the limits of what they both can do while minimizing the risk that they might choose to end the deal.

However, what I personally believe happen was that it was an unintentional side-effect of the deal. Jack has spent the past 40 years having his soul tormented in hell. MC has not had their soul meddled with. I think having a piece of their souls exchanged was too much for MC to take and they blacked out from the pain. I mean... we’re talking literally taking a piece of their soul and replacing it with someone else’s. Trauma from intense pain can lead to memory loss, hence why they forgot their first meeting with Jack and the deal they made.

Why it doesn’t cause the same amount of pain in the “no” route when Jack is taking more is probably because their souls are already bonded. It’s possible that he could make the process painless at that point, as he did surround them in a thick cotton candy haze that made it hard for them to think. It might even have been done specifically to avoid making them experience the same level of pain as before when making their bond deeper... with their consent of course.

Why doesn’t Jack tell them the deal? Well... I think we can all agree that MC would have probably freaked out suddenly having a giant clown in their apartment without any memory of who he was or how he got there. If he tells MC about the deal without them remembering that they agreed to it might make them choose to undo the deal, thus sending him back to hell.

Jack can’t let that happen.

Sure Jack is keeping secrets from MC and in ways lying by omission, but someday they’ll understand... they just have to trust him. It’s for the best. He just wants what’s best for them, and what’s best for them is if they stay together... forever.

Anyway, this is just what I think is going on. I could be totally wrong here. We’ll just have to see when the full game comes out when the truth is finally revealed...

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur  

[telomeke]

TAG 9 PEOPLE YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW BETTER

Got tagged by the ever effervescent @waitmyturtles (on this post linked here). Thanks dearie! 💖

THREE SHIPS 🔹 It wasn't intentional but mine are the same as @waitmyturtles–

Pat and Pran

Kurosawa and Adachi

Togawa and Nozue.

FIRST SHIP 🔹 The legendary MaxTul.

LAST SONG 🔹 I can't just put one down here; my taste is eclectic and random, and just the last song will paint the wrong picture.

A selection paints a fuller picture (but it's still curious): Clean Bandit and Zara Larsson's "Symphony" (because it was playing in the gym, and the music video is a masterpiece of an LGBT short film that brings me to tears every time – do watch if you haven't yet. It's beautiful). Also Miley Cyrus' "Flowers", the MSP boys' "You've Got Ma Back" and Tilly Birds' "Just Being Friendly." Gonna mention Dolly Parton's "9 to 5" and Dusty Springfield's "Son of a Preacher Man" too because they both popped up on YouTube. And Adam Lambert's version of Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out for a Hero" because Tumblr decided to take a complaint about bots and set it to music (blogpost linked here).

LAST MOVIE 🔹 This one is way out of left field: Ponniyin Selvan Part 1 (the first Tamil movie I've watched in years, and it was SO GOOD). The book it's based on is also a classic. I'm not Tamil (or even of Indian ancestry) but the culture and language have a special place in my heart because of a childhood housekeeper/nanny who was more like family. Now thinking of watching RRR, but don't know if I will get around to it, because the energy in the clips seems a bit overwhelming. (Yes, I'm aware it's Telugu and not Tamil.) Prior to this – it was either Dune or Encanto (no hang on, maybe it was Everything Everywhere AAO; have been avoiding the cinema for a while since I couldn't get vaccinated earlier due to allergies and had to stay indoors quite a bit).

CURRENTLY READING 🔹 Don't hate on this – read the full explanation please – but with a tinge of guilt about the ethics of it all I'm re-reading a book about a certain boy wizard and his journey to self-actualization. Yes, I'm aware the author (whom I shall refrain from naming – like a Voldeuxmort) has in recent years fallen out of favor due to her views on trans issues, and is now a pariah among vast swathes of Tumblr, so please don't come at me, but I have my reasons.

When the books first came out I was fascinated by the world-building and concocted etymologies, but that's not the reason I'm re-reading. Thing is, I'm trying to learn another language (vastly different from the ones I do know) and the books are very useful for this. They have translations readily available in almost any language you could want, and I can cross-check any difficult bits with the English version, and I already know the story anyway. Plus there's lots of dialogue and the original author's style (or lack of it) isn't hugely literary – the prose is mostly functional, even pedestrian. And the plainness of the language helps when you're not ready (at learner level) for any leaps of linguistic trickery (except for the fantastical made-up bits, which you wouldn't need to learn anyway).

Also – and this is a big reason – my late mom loved these books, and they were the basis for a lot of shared memories for us. I remember watching the films with her and visiting the memorabilia stores too. They made her very happy, and this in turn made me happy. Mom also passed before any of the author's less savory views became public. So having them about reminds me of Mom a lot, back when things were simpler and without the current climate of nastiness.

So yes the books have become tarnished in my view, but the way I'm looking at it – these are books I already had even before the author's controversies broke to the surface, so it's not like I bought them recently and am indirectly supporting her here. I used to treasure these books for their imaginative content, rather less so now. There is still beauty in them, but they're also devalued in other ways. I'm not going to throw them out just yet (not right now anyway) – because for now they're also portkeys to happy memories and happier times.

I think of them like this – they're like the heirloom antiques passed down from generations before, but then you get them appraised and suddenly you find out they're not quite the precious artifacts you thought they were. But just because Mom's old clock or statue turned out to be a dud, it doesn't mean I can't use it as a doorstop or paperweight (or just another decorative tchotchke). You don't have to give it pride of place on the mantelpiece, but you can keep it for different uses that bring utility to your life in other ways. (And as always the other voice in my head is going "Yeaaah well, but that clock face has radium and the statue is flaking lead paint! You have a toxic doorstop that could kill the dog and that paperweight is also poisoning the worktable!" OK, valid points; just give me a little bit more time to figure this one out, please. 🤷‍♂️)

For now I'm using these books as functional learning aids, rather than throwing them out straightaway (it's better for the environment too, I tell myself). When my grief over Mom's passing fades (as it will, it must) maybe I can let them go of them then. 😥💖

CURRENTLY WATCHING 🔹 These shows:

Moonlight Chicken

My School President

Bad Buddy (always coming back to this one – but I watch my favorite bits on repeat, rather than going sequentially in full chrono)

The Amazing Race 34 (missed out on this when it first came out, so it's a binge watch now).

CURRENTLY CONSUMING 🔹 Gluten-free fruitcake – I have one in the fridge being quickly depleted and two others stashed in the freezer awaiting their turn; a dear friend and relation is a great baker, and when we recently got together after a years-long break (kept apart by the pandemic), he gave me several of these delicious beauties because he knows how much I love them and covet quality baked goods that are also GF (not always easy to find). SO GOOD with hot coffee and Thai BL. Also munching on the odd slice of gourmet bak kwa from a secret source, plus arrowhead chips.

CURRENTLY CRAVING 🔹 Chicken rice because of Moonlight Chicken.

ONWARD TAGS 🔹 Would like to get to know you more: @miscellar, @colourme-feral, @theheightofdishonor, @airenyah, @crzshaly437, @dribs-and-drabbles, @gennianydots, @faillen, @bengiyo. Ah and @respectthepetty too! Oops, I've gone past nine. 🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️

As always, no obligation to play! But fun if you do. 🥰