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mystic-writings · 8 months ago

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remember the nights | chapter eleven — o, atlas, pt. i

WORD COUNT — 2,154

WARNINGS — angst, depression

NOTES — god this chapter just. ugh. (also sorry for the late post i forgot to queue it last night)

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You haven’t been able to look Thomas in the eye for almost a month.

It’s been just a few days short of three weeks, and you were finally in the classic, snowy December that you’d waited all year for. The snow had begun to fall the day after the party and had let up very little since, as though the weather was linked to your mood.

Before you’d moved, you wondered exactly what Woodstock would look like during the holiday season — covered in snow, twinkling under the moonlight and lit up in color with decorations on every house. You were correct, of course, and despite its beauty, you didn’t have the energy nor the emotion to properly admire the town for all the beauty it displayed under the constant cover of snow.

While the morning of the first snow was hard, it hadn’t gotten any better. You woke up that morning and went through your usual motions, the ache in your chest feeling like a gaping void that swallowed up all of your happiness. Your first decision that day was to let it consume you, but after you cried all over again after folding up Newt’s jacket and tucking it away in your closet, you knew that feeling it all the time would only make things worse for you. Especially when you realized that if Newt was serious about what he said, it was almost a certainty that the jacket would never leave its place in your closet.

After that, a constant cold — and even colder silence — seemed to blanket the house in the same way the snow did. Because not only could you not look Thomas in the eye without feeling a surge of anger, but you couldn’t stand speaking to him, either. For the first few days, he tried his best to talk to you, to explain himself, but once he realized you were serious about not talking to him anymore, he gave up.

Maggie and your dad seemed okay, and you were thankful that their relationship wasn’t as altered by the change in yours and Thomas’, but the concern that rolled off of them in waves when you were in their presence was so strong that you could barely be around them, too.

Chuck was the only person who didn’t treat you any differently than he did before. He still persisted, inviting you into his room to play video games or watching movies on your laptop in your room. He was an entirely welcome presence in your life, and a very welcome distraction to whatever thoughts were lingering in your mind. The silence within the house was growing to be suffocating, and if it weren’t for Chuck, you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself. He was the only person in the world right now who didn’t look at you with that gleam of pity in his eyes, and for that, you were thankful.

You did your best to ignore the lingering thoughts in your mind. Thinking about what happened — and all the possibilities of what was happening to everyone else after, or what else could have happened instead — just made that aching void worse. Because the group that had once welcomed you with open arms, the one that had so quickly become your family, was shattered. And it was partly your fault.

Thomas and Teresa stuck with one another, that much was expected. Newt, as he’d said, wandered off on his own, opting to spend all his free time with Frypan. Brenda, though, was determined to not leave your side. She had been one of the many front row witnesses at the party, and had reminded you several times that she believes both boys were at fault and overreacted, whereas you didn’t deserve any of what happened.

Minho and Gally, ever the peacekeepers, had spent the past few weeks on a rotating schedule of spending their time with each of you separately. Sonya and Harriet did the same every so often, but aside from Sonya coming over every once in a while and reminding you that she was on your side, they had gone off on their own, too.

You stopped sitting beside Newt in chemistry class. Brenda had forced Clint, the boy who used to be her lab partner, to switch seats with you. It gave you a little peace of mind, sitting across the classroom from him. But it made the ache worse, too. You still saw him at his locker every day, though. And there was no way you could get around that.

Despite the sudden temperature drop, you stopped going to school with Thomas and Teresa. You’d either walk, occasionally take your dad’s car, or ride with Brenda on the days she risked driving her beat up, barely road safe, 90s Dodge Neon to school — without snow tires. Anything was better than stewing in the obvious tension between the three of you.

Everything felt like too much. You could barely manage with the aching pressure of your emotions, of processing and living with what happened — but lately, you were being pressured into college applications, figuring out what you wanted to do for your entire future, and it was all too much to handle.

At first, Brenda tried taking you to Mickey’s one Friday evening to see if it would help to take your mind off things, but you could barely stomach walking through the door. Frypan spotted you through the order window, and you saw the pity flash through his eyes — and within seconds, Newt had walked out of the bathroom, and you knew you wouldn’t be stepping foot back in the diner anytime soon. You were just lucky enough that he didn’t see you before you left, because you wouldn’t have known what to do if he did.

She’d ordered it for you once, too, a few days after that evening. You appreciated that she was trying, but no matter how much you wanted it to work, it didn’t. The bitter taste of regret burned your throat as you swallowed each bite, and it reminded you of Newt, of the willow tree and how you were able to trust him so quickly to tell him about your childhood, and him to do the same.

All it did was remind you of how Newt was the first person you were able to talk about your mom to since Amina and Fernanda. About how you told him things you hadn’t even told them.

With every day that passed, you wished more and more that you could get rid of every painful reminder — which seemed to be embedded in everything that surrounded you, into the very fiber of your being — and to get over it. But you couldn’t. You wanted desperately to move back to the city, to the floor-to-ceiling windows you grew up with. To have sleepovers with Amina and Fernanda again, to eat frozen yogurt with them and throw pieces of pizza to the pigeons in the park again. To go back to before you ever crossed Woodstock’s town line, so you could forget you ever knew the boy called Newt.

So you could relieve yourself of the constant heartache.

But, like most things in life, there was nothing you could do to change how things were now, let alone go back to when things were better. All you could do was live with it, bear the pain and hope that, someday, you could let go of it, or forget about it. That you could get back to how things used to be, or build a new version of it, at least.

Sitting at the kitchen table, in the dead of morning, you appreciated the quiet that settled over the house. It was different to the suffocating blanket that covered everyone during meals; it was peaceful.

You were wide awake despite it being dawn on a Saturday, but you just couldn’t sleep. With your laptop and an ocean of papers in front of you, you decided it was the perfect time to drown in college applications.

Even though you were entirely clueless on what you wanted to do with your life after high school, you were sure that college applications were a must. It was the one thing that was enforced constantly throughout your time at school, so they had to be important, right? Besides, you could always figure out what to do after you got accepted somewhere, right?

You lifted your ballerina mug — practically filled to the brim with coffee — to your lips as the sound of feet shuffling down the stairs caught your attention. Looking over your shoulder, you spotted your dad turning from the stairs into the kitchen, sporting some of the worst bedhead you’d ever seen.

“Whatcha doin’?” He asked, voice gravelly from lack of use.

You sighed, looking back at the ominous spread of papers and glaringly bright computer screen. “College applications,”

Your dad nodded and came to stand at your right side, now holding his own cup of coffee. “Where were you thinking of going?”

“Not sure anymore,” you shrugged, picking up a piece of paper and skimming over it. “Maybe Syracuse? They’ve got good programs.”

“I thought your friends—the girls, I mean—were gonna go to NYU together? What about that?”

“That was when I could do everything from the condo, and I didn’t have to worry about paying for accommodation.” You told him. “But that doesn’t really matter anymore, since I’d have to pay for some sort of dormitory no matter where I go, now.”

Your dad took a sip of his coffee before placing a hand on your shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t worry about any of that, kiddo. We can cover it no matter where you go, okay? Hell, if you wanna run off to Australia for school, we can cover that, too. Just pick somewhere that you’re gonna enjoy, okay? Do what makes you happy.”

You smiled and looked up at your dad, ignoring the slight build of tears along your waterline. “Thanks, dad.”

“Don’t worry, kiddo. We’ve got this.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head, squeezed your shoulder one last time, and headed to his office to finish up some of the projects he’d been working on.

Even with Brenda at your side at practically every hour of the day, making dozens of attempts to distract you with whatever came to her mind, school never felt as lonely as it did now. Everyone else still ate their lunches in the cafeteria, but you and Brenda started eating in the computer lab with some of her more casual friends. Thomas and Teresa still took their spots at the main table, but Newt and Frypan began occupying a small corner space by the windows.

You’d stopped participating in all of your classes almost immediately after the party, and you were sure that word of what happened had gotten to everyone in the school by now — and what little amount of people didn’t know could likely see that something was wrong — but you didn’t have enough energy left at the end of the day to care that much about it.

You were lucky in your old school, with class sizes large enough and teachers stretched thin enough that not participating was something you were easily able to get away with if you wanted to, but in a school this small, you were practically out in the open. Your teachers were forgiving enough to let you keep your head down most of the time, except for Mr. Henley. It seemed that his failing marriage made him apathetic to everything in the universe, and utterly horrible at his job.

It all just felt like too much. Everything took too much effort, too much energy. Energy you just didn’t seem to have, even if you have been sleeping ten hours every night.

You didn’t even have enough energy to focus on doing your homework anymore. Instead, you’d opted for clearing the snow off the roof in front of your window sitting there for hours every single night, staring up at the night sky until your fingers went numb and dried tears made your cheeks feel like ice.

But every time you came back inside, you passed by your desk and everything on it. The wall behind it, covered with Fernanda’s drawings, sticky notes scrawled with reminders from months ago, and the photo strip from the mall.

You could barely stand to look at it.

No matter what you did, somehow, everything around you had become a reminder. A reminder of what you had, of what you lost, and of what could’ve been. And every time you remembered, it felt like you’d become Atlas, bearing the weight of the world, of a thousand mistakes that you didn’t even make, on your tired, aching shoulders.

And there was nothing you wouldn’t give to let someone else take over.

series taglist: @heliads @ghostofscarley @badbatch-simp24 @virginia-peters @third-broparcelicito @lamolaine @yes-fangirl-things (open!)

#remember the nights #newt x reader #newt tmr x reader #newt x you #newt x y/n #newt series #newt tmr series #newt angst #newt fluff #the maze runner fanfiction #the maze runner x reader #au fic #high school au

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andy-wm · 1 year ago

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Jimin and Yoongi performed TM at The Final in Seoul...

AND OMG!!! I WAS THERE!

I took a chance on Jimin performing Tony Montana with Yoongi during the encore concerts and wrangled myself a Saturday ticket.

The stars aligned for me and like magic, there he was. Park Jimin, in real life. He performed not only Tony Montana but also, incredibly, Like Crazy. It was a dream come true!

Dont get me wrong, it wasn't ALL about Jimin. Yoongi is my bias, after all.*

But the reason i went, was in the hopes of seeing them together on stage for T.M.

It's really only hitting me now, 10 hours later as I queue to check-in for my flight home*°, how lucky I was. I'm trying not to cry in public. Yes, it was that good.

I cannot overstate the gloriousness of Jimin's live performance, especially for a solo choreo like this one.

He swirls and darts and glides through the movements like a murmuration.

He is a swan on water. He is an illicit drug. He is ambrosia. He is seduction.

He's the aurora borealis in human form.

The funny thing is, when he wasn’t transfixing us with his grace and his voice (and his hips), he was such a cute, awkward, lovable bean. And before he performed Like Crazy, he seemed SO NERVOUS. It was oozing from his pores.

There are moments in your life you will never forget, and Tony Montana in Seoul, at Yoongi's 2nd last show of his first solo tour, was one of them.

It was wild and exhausting, but totally worth it. 36 hours flying time and 36 hours in Seoul, arriving late friday night and leaving at the crack of dawn on Sunday to go directly to work on Monday morning when my flight landed.

(I readily admit I did a TERRIBLE job of videoing these performances. I have a special talent for taking absolutely rubbish footage. Even when I have a prime position and a very good camera my videos look like they were shot through a telescope on a rough sea. And often they're out of focus because I'm actually not looking at the phone once I hit the record button 😁)

☆~●~♡~●~☆

*Yes, absolutely Yoongi is my bias. Since day one, the very first time i saw any of them, it was Yoongi who grabbed my attention. I've always liked the moody, difficult boys LOL.

Jimin, however, has a place in my heart that will never be reclaimed or relinquished. Jungkookie is there by virtue of Jimin, because they come as a set.

☆~●~♡~●~☆

*° I wrote this in the early morning on Sunday 5 August and forgot to post it. Better late than never, I guess.

#min yoongi #park jimin #jeon jungguk #jikook #kookmin #국민 #yoonmin #d day tour #tony montana #agustd #bts suga

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partial-boner · 2 years ago

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Goodbye

Hi.

When tumblr deleted my blog originally it was quite strange, with them suddenly censoring every picture in a flurry of administrative activity. The last day i would get a notice of adult content literally every 30 seconds before my blog disappeared, It didn’t matter what the picture was, Edward Hopper, some birds, a picture of a butterfly, it was all adult according to them. This happened to others on a level that seemed far more mild. I would google my blog and find tumblrs where the only content that had been censored was mine, Some people said it was the open letter I wrote to tumblr about their polices that afforded me this special treatment, but I have no idea.

I had backed up a lot of stuff but i was unable to repost it here because it was all marked adult. That’s 40K pictures I had but i was unable to reblog.

Since there was still a lot of my content around, I eventually started posting infrequently again. Lots of my gifs and some other stuff was still making the rounds.

This week it’s all gone, purged from tumblr in a move that tumblr will never admit to because they don't mention it. Here’s a link to my popular and PG gif from La belle Noiseuse. Invisible.

I see pictures 10 years old from other deleted bogs but you wont find things from mine anymore. My very PG gif from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, gone. My letter to tumblr, gone. The censored stuff in my queue that I mostly can’t post is there but nothing on the tumblr anymore. When tumblr starts deleting your text posts, it’s time to go.

For whatever reason tumblr wants me gone, and that’s fine. People have been writing asking why I deleted stuff that was on their tumblrs, and sorry everyone, it’s not me.

Tumblr should admit to purging blogs selectively, but I suspect they never will. Never have they admitted previous mistakes or fixed them.

I only really came back to make an archive but now 60% of that archive is gone.Tumblr won. I should have learned my lesson the first time. Better late than never.

#personal #tumblr censorship #goodbye

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halfmoth-halfman · 1 year ago

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we're starting to get into the spooky months now, so what better way to close out the summer vibes than with a fic rec list!!

unfortunately, the original of this post got messed up through my queue and it left me discouraged and not really with the energy to go all out like i usually do so i apologize if the reviews are a little lackluster this time around, but i did love and adore every single one of these fics 💜

if you wanna see more more of my fic recs and favs, i have em all on my recs blog, here!! please note the navi page is still under construction!!

and of course, if you have any fic recs of your own, feel free to send em my way here or on my sideblog - i love finding new fics and writers!! 💜

Javier Peña

birthday bash || a pile of cards - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ what else can i say? cute. adorable. perfect. made me feel like it was my birthday, because this was fic was such a gift. i don't know how jo is able to write the cutest and most fun relationship dynamics, but it makes my heart soar every time.

late night texts || iv. before the gold and glimmer | bonus scene: phone sex | v. you make me feel wild | vi. the place where i want to be | bonus scene: wicked games you play | vii. oh the sweetest thing - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ i will never not be in love with the way jo writes javi, and the absolute beauty of her writing. the way this relationship builds and feels so real with equals parts teasing and the shyness of the first time meeting someone you kinda sorta know always leaves me stunned.

John "Soap" MacTavish

run away to me || i. - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i'm warning y'all now, hal has spoiled me this month and a lot of the fics on this list are gonna be hers. but to start we're talking about this fantastic fic. blacksmith!soap was not something i knew i needed and i am foaming at the mouth to see where this goes.

soap comforting reader - @nrdmssgs

✧ coming from someone who's had very similar anxieties around meeting a significant other's family, this hit very close to home and was so. damn. sweet. i love this so much and soap being an absolute sweetheart here was just icing on the cake.

John Price

glitter and gold || snippet - @writeforfandoms

✧ i could talk about this fic for hours. not only have i read it about a hundred times, but this fic helped inspire me to start drawing again. one of my top favorite comfort fics, everything about it is perfect. dragon!price being so in love with his wife, princess!reader finding joy and love and freedom with her new husband, the little appearances from the rest of the 141. it's all just perfect.

cardigan || part 1. it starts in a bar - @as-is-above-so-below

✧ price x teacher!reader was a lovely idea that i have been waiting for with baited breath and it did not disappoint. esp this part:

“Believe me. I get it. My career makes it difficult to find time for much of anything.”

“Yeah, well, I have sixteen kids.”

i love sassy teacher!reader.

songs that sound like sea-foam || (ii) | (iii) - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ this fic destroyed me. i had to call my mom and talk to her about it because i loved it so much. idk how to describe it, this filled me with a beautiful sense of longing and nostalgia of the classic fairytales my parents used to read me before bed

all, most, some, none - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ mmkay just one second while i-

lions and ibexes - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i love husband!price, don't get me wrong, but i think farah was the real star of this fic. her characterization is wonderful, and the talk she and reader have is so sad (for lack of a better word) but also hopeful and real. i want to have a love the way hal writes it in her fics.

late night cookies - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ perfect dad!price fic right here. really hit me right in the unresolved daddy issues. good job.

where did you sleep last night - @captainfern

✧ i might just be a sucker for pet names like my love and darling, but this was so unbelievably sweet. reader missing price so much that they light one of his cigars just for the familiar smell of him?? i'm aldkasjl i love this so much.

glory to the reaper - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ the ability of hal to just present us with pure poetry like it's no big deal is just ugh chef's kiss. like all of this here:

How can life go on when such things are uttered to light? When they’re buried deep into your marrow like the dirt on top of a grave?

How can the Reaper knock at your doorways when love exists in such quantity…in the fractures of his eyes? Only when his lips brush yours do you understand.

absolutely stunning.

ducky socks - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ dad!price strikes again by breaking my heart in the best possible way and gluing it back together with pure sweetness and a wholesome father-daughter relationship.

Keegan P. Russ

for the weak and weary - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i am of a simple mind. i see hal has written a keegan fic, i drop everything and read the keegan fic, i sob uncontrollably and struggle to read through my tears, i scroll back up to the top and read again.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

some nights are like that - @deadbranch

✧ insert ohmygod they were roommates meme here. i love gaz, i love friends to lovers, i love roommates to lovers, i love everything about this fic. it's cute, it's sweet, it made me giggle. 10/10 will read again.

cult of vagabonds || chapter six: storm-flying petrels - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i crave this series like something else let me tell you, and each chapter completely delivers. reader is somehow so frustrating and so relatable at the same time, no regard for her own life but also...same.

to be in love - @lethalchiralium

✧ am i biased because i requested this? yes. but also because this is cute and wholesome and perfect and the idea of gaz buying flowers for his crush makes me smile like an idiot and keri did a perfect job with this.

paper rings - @lethalchiralium

✧ this is me staring at keri after she's written one of the most perfect gaz prompts i've ever read and giving me the cutest, sweetest, most wholesome treat.

get behind me - @writeforfandoms

✧ i love fall fair stuff. corn mazes, haunted houses, bobbing for apples, all of it. and it's even better with the addition of gaz. soap being a little shit had me laughing, but gaz being such a sweetheart (and a little bit of a tease) just had my smiling and giggling to myself.

there’s no need to panic, i’m right here now, aren’t i? you’re safe - @writeforfandoms

✧ gaz is the best boi and even more so when jen writes him. i love the way she portrays him being so soft and comforting, but also not afraid to take care of problems for his significant other. and, as someone who's had loud neighbors, i wish i had gaz there to take care of them for me too 😭

Miguel O'Hara

glass houses - @lethal-chiralium

✧ actual picture of me pretending to be okay after reading this and having my heart shATTERED INTO A MILLION PIECES HOW DARE YOU KERI

welcome to new york || 3 | 4 - @writeforfandoms

✧ i consume these chapters as if they're a decadent slice of cake made just for me and they're so fucking delicious every time. i love lyla and jess in this fic (i love everyone in this fic tbh, but i gotta support the girlies) and this part right here:

(Note to self: bring a sweater.)

literally me. i love this so much and can't wait see where it goes.

hammock by the sea - @wyvernest

✧ the way this fic made me want to enjoy a sunny july afternoon on my honeymoon with miguel in a hammock soooo bad. idk if feel-good can be used to describe a fic, but that's how i feel about this one. it's a feel-good fic, makes me soft and happy and wistful.

spider-girl!reader|| you haven't kissed me all day | jealous miguel | saying i love you for the first time - @luveline

✧ luveline never misses with the miguel fics. every single one is A+ 10/10 chef's kiss. the domesticity while also keeping miguel his grumpy self is just lakdjaksl i'm so weak for luveline's fics and her portrayal of miguel.

Multi

dead disco || chapter 6 - @peachesofteal

✧ i really gotta read this series in small doses, because the way it makes my heart ache cannot be healthy. i just want everything to work out, for them to be happy but goddamn does peach want me to suffer (and i happily thank her for it)

how do they cuddle - @homicidal-slvt

✧ this has any and everyone in it, but more importantly it has my boys, gaz and roach and that's all that matters to me. gaz being the type to do a little kiss attack is so cute and something i can see him doing and roach tracing little shapes and letters i'm screaming. also graves being an absolute menace, you're so right for that.

Nikto

ravishing allure || prologue | cake for a dead man (i) -@halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ do i know who nikto is? not in the slightest. did that stop me from dropping everything to read this series? not in the slightest. will i ever be normal about one of hal's amazing fics? not in the slightest :)

Phillip Graves

close your eyes for me, love - @writeforfandoms

✧ protective graves just does something for me. like, of course, he's a little shit and all that, but, as we've seen in canon, that man is loyal to a fault so it makes sense that loyalty would extend to his significant other. and also the way jen writes him just makes me blush and giggle so that's a plus 🤭

Rodolfo Parra

pressing their foreheads together - @writeforfandoms

✧ i read Warnings: soft domestic fluff and kissing. and knew this fic was gonna be made for me. and i was right. this fic made me sigh longingly. i am so astronomically weak for the way jen writes this man and the way she writes soft domesticity.

Simon "Ghost" Riley

the safe house has seen better days - @ghostaholics

✧ how does it feel to have such a perfect understanding of a character and then create such a gorgeous fic on top of that??

Always staying awake, always assigning himself to the graveyard shift for watch while everyone else squeezes in a few hours of rest before the sun comes up.

i am in awe of ms. ghostaholics and her beautiful ability to turn characterization into pure poetry.

hired as a live-in house cleaner - @ceilidho

✧ i👏🏼love👏🏼this👏🏼fic👏🏼 this turned me into a big ol' soft pile of hearts and mush ugghh just the perfect amount of fluff. very cute but subtle too and y'know i think that fits ghost pretty well.

the team is invited to a wedding - @rileyslibrary

✧ one thing about me: i love a wedding. and this fic right here? absolutely delivered. it's got everything: ghost, gaz cameo, a wedding, macarons. not to mention the A+ banter between ghost and reader, i love them and this fic so much.

happiness || white carnations - @lethal-chiralium

✧ happiness hurts in a way that leaves me somehow longing for more and i can't describe it any other way. i think keri is determined to figure out how many different ways she can break my heart with angst and fluff and i couldn't be more thankful.

circles and squares - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ i know i gushed about this fic already, but i'm gonna do it again. the best way to describe my feelings about this is that i would dedicate an entire section of my bookshelf just for jo's writing. the way she perfectly balances the differences between ghost and simon. the way he's stern and struggles, but doesn't lose his snark. the way he and reader support each other while still respecting each other and they're need for space. i'm so weak for this fic.

on the edge of the universe - @kil-g

✧ it's the world-building for me. it's the captivating atmosphere for me. there's just something so beautifully haunting here, and i am desperately clinging to every little piece of it. like i'm already feral for everything isa writes, and this is another excellent addition to the collection.

civ!reader kills someone out of self defense for the first time - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ had me hooked from the opening line and man was i on edge the rest of the time. i was panicking right there alongside reader, and the portrayal of her confusion and fear and anxiety was so well done. and ghost coming in to comfort her?? i was crying. so unbelievably good.

badly wrapped secrets - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ i just-

"Thank you, for all of this.

He nods—short, and full of understanding, as well as signalling: you’re welcome."

i love them so much 😭

blood was its avatar - @halcyone-of-the-sea

✧ i was fighting for my life trying to read this without blushing like a sinner in church and ended up looking something like this-

and i damn near cackled like a witch at that ending LMAO

the roommate series || lover boy - @a-small-writer-in-a-big-world

✧ i knew nothing about this series going on and when i tell you i read through it with a swiftness. my skin is clear, my knees are weak, my livestock is fed. this fic (this whole series tbh) has reached in and wrapped around my heart in the best possible way.

illicit indulgences || the ghost of you - @floralpascal

✧ i am screaming. this is so...i don't know the right word. beautiful? stunning? gorgeous? all of the above? the captivating description of loneliness, the way ella manages to capture the stubbornness of ghost missing someone but refusing to admit to himself that he does. they're so perfect and in love and i'm just alskdaj

can you imagine someone threatening you - @mvtthewmurdvck

✧ you ever hear that phrase, so nice you reblog it twice? well i have, cause that's exactly what i did with this fic. it's the least i could do for the pure artistry of this fic. i love reader here, being so confident and capable and ghost being completely infatuated by her ability and so ready to kill anyone who disrespects her.

Valeria Garza

10 years too late on that, love - @writeforfandoms

✧ hello???? this was incredible???? i am??? slightly intimidated???? and in love??? with both valeria because she's mommy and with jen because she's such a wonderful writer and i am in awe of her talent.

#moth fic recs #fave fics #monthly fic recs

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yingren · 7 days ago

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i've been a little more busy lately but i've got my queue building for monday through wednesday when i'll be out of town and bound to mobile. after that, i'll be back to normal activity. as always, you can reach me faster on dscord if need be.

i updated my rules a little bit, nothing major, but these are the changes:

i've realized that vague posting makes me really uncomfortable. even if i don't take it to heart or assume that it is about me, i personally feel like there is no need to vague post when you surely have DMs you can go to if there is someone on your dash that you want to complain about. i am going to start curating my space better and mute ooc tags if i see too much of that. this is not at anyone in particular, i want to state that or this whole thing looks like it's just me being a hypocrite.

also when it comes to writing, mainly inbox prompts, i am not one to keep track of how many you send me or how often you do it. i love to see y'all in my inbox and this is not me complaining about people sending me things. however, one thing i do notice is when i'm being sent STARTER prompts consistently and they never turn into a thread or anything else. i'm not saying every single thing in my inbox needs to be responded to. it can just be a funny little thing, right? but if the only way we interact is by you sending prompts to my inbox and eventually i have written you six different starters and we never actually write together then i'm going to take that as a hint that there is no desire for actual interactions and just softblock. i LOVE to write for people that give me something to work with, trust me, it's one of my favorite things to do. i even encourage you to send me more inbox stuff! it's just when i've written so many things and it never turns into any "real" interaction, i tend to feel my motivation take a hit.

i don't know that i've worded this very well but i hope my point got across. i'm in no way telling people to stop sending me inbox stuff. i don't want to sound ungrateful for the people that take their time sending me things. having just one thread with me outside of all the prompts you want to send me is more than okay! i really just don't feel too motivated to keep writing starters for those who never want to actually write with me, if that makes sense? i certainly don't respond to every prompt i send, i do not expect you to do the same but there's definitely a limit on how many starters i can write for you if we have nothing else going. so that's where i'm at and yeah, i just hope this makes sense.

#ooc.#some rule changes under cut.#i hope this makes sense? i tried to phrase it better but oh well

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immeasurablesaladagere · 2 months ago

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i absolutely LOVE your house agere fics/headcannons but have yet to see any lockwood and co ones even though it is in your pinned post and would love your headcannons when you get a chance! though i know you have a lot of requests in queue so no pressure!

AHHH Lockwood and Co! Hcs are my break between longer stuff lol, so coming right up!

Littles Lucy and Lockwood for sure. George is CG (but perhaps flip? I could see it)

Both Lucy and Lockwood call George "Mum", he just goes with it. He has never, not once, been any iteration of dad or older brother.

Both Lucy and Lockwood regress to similar ranges, like 5-9.

Lucy regresses almost entirely voluntarily as a way to get her childhood back. She didn't recognize it as anything special until she moved in with Lockwood and George, all she knew was that having a stuffy or reading a children's book made her feel really calm and a bit blurry. She thought it was like nostalgia but like x10.

Lockwood's regression is pretty much always involuntary, and something he doesn't like but has learned to live with. A bad nightmare, a migraine, a flashback, a panic attack, are all things that can nudge his brain over the edge and boom, he's a kid again. One of his worst nightmares would be regressing on a job and putting his team at risk because of it. He's worked very hard to prevent it at all costs.

While he's little, Lockwood's regression is all over the place. Sometimes he's content, sometimes (rarely) he's bubbly and happy, and sometimes he's completely inconsolable. It's a roll of the dice depending on what caused the slip, but even then there's some variation.

He doesn't always remember what happened to his family, he just knows they aren't there.

I have a very vivid scene in my head on how Lucy found out that Lockwood regresses, and it goes like this: It's Lockwood and George's routine that if Lockwood is feeling small late at night (the kid never sleeps anyway), he can come find George and he'll read him a bedtime story. Lockwood's feeling small not long after Lucy's moved in, so he sneaks very quietly downstairs to the library and asks George to read to him. Lucy, in search of water or something, sees that someone's still up and goes to chat, and walks in on Lockwood basically cuddled on top of George while he's reading to him, and Lockwood freezes for a second, then gets up and basically sprints to his room and locks himself in there. George half-explains, but says it would be better if Lockwood had the choice to tell her.

The discovery of Lucy's was far less dramatic. Lockwood eventually explained everything to her and she was just like "Oh, so that's what that is... Me too then, I guess".

Soft and squishy little!Lockwood, energetic and happy little!Lucy.

Tired mother George.

They play ghost-hunters with their toys sometimes, and the heroes always win very, very easily. Nothing ever goes wrong, and George kinda has an idea as to why that is, so he's never mentioned it.

If Lucy and Lockwood are both regressed together, Lockwood tends to drift younger than Lucy is no matter where they started. If they were both feeling 8, a few hours later Lockwood might be down to 5 or 6.

Lucy loves fruit, dude. It's her favourite thing. George will offer her a biscuit and she's like "But I want an apple :("

#sfw age regression #sfw agere #agere blog #age regression #fandom agere #agere headcanons #lockwood and co #Lockwood and co agere #anthony lockwood #lucy carlyle #george karim

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alwaysinstyle · 6 months ago

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Sickfic Queen, I implore that you address the masses and inform us of what inspired you to begin the sacred quest that is your resplendent request book?

And how does it feel to know that many others of the same mission that I have seen crop up as of late have explicitly stated that they were inspired by yours?

Hello my dear anonymous asker,

THANK YOU first of all and let me just say “resplendent” is one of my very favorite words so I’m pretty stoked to see it used in an ask LMAO.

And now to address the masses,

When Style brain rot first took over my life, I naturally went searching for Style sickfics because come on, there’s just no better way to see the love and caring and stubbornness and worry and highs and lows of a relationship than in those moments that one physically cannot get by without the other. I love the hurt because I LOVE the comfort. There’s something I especially adore about them worrying over each other with this particular ship. But, I digress. I found a few sickfics when I went looking, but I will shamelessly admit I read them all in two nights and then I was like… “well fuck.”

I decided I would definitely write a few myself, and then a part of me wondered if people would be weirded out and/or judge me for writing NOTHING but sickfics. But then I was like okay (1) it doesn’t matter if people judge and (2) maybe it’s an even better idea to make it a sickfic REQUEST book because there’s no way I’m the ONLY crazy person who wishes many many more Style sickfics would come into existence, right? Yeah, making it ONLY Style and ONLY whumpshots felt niche as hell, but it’s what I wanted to write and there was literally nothing else tied to the account so I had absolutely nothing to lose. So, I went ahead and posted it, and…

Here we are almost 50 chapters later and with FAR more than 50 requests in queue, 20,000 hits and counting! (I still can’t believe that’s real btw). I found out there were MANY other sickfic enjoyers out there, many of whom just needed the right place to request their ideas.

Which leads right into the second part of your question. It has been absolutely MINDBLOWING seeing similar books pop up and having those authors explicitly state that my book was their inspiration. Not only has that motivated me to keep writing and made me feel very proud of my work, but it’s super amazing to see that other people feel the freedom to create in a niche genre I hesitated to put out there simply because it wasn’t something anyone had really done in the fandom. I am SO glad I wasn’t afraid to be a weirdo the day I started my book. It’s been an absolute blast writing the requests and best of all, more sickfic books popping up means MORE SICKFICS FOR ME TO READ!!!! (Yay!!!!)

I love you all and THANK YOU for giving me the space to write what I love writing!

And hey, if you’re new to my blog (AKA Sickfic Hell) you can read the never-ending book in question here!

#Ask Ana #asks #south park #sp style #welcome to sickfic hell #sickfic #ao3 link

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warriorstale001 · 1 year ago

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Was meant to post these pictures of what I got from MCM London comic con the day after @calcium-cat posted hers but um... Better late than never I guess ^^'.

Did I mention I'm a FNAF fan XD?

(More info and close up photos below)

So like Cal mentioned in her post, we met and had autographs signed by Kellen Goff at the con, the voice actor of many FNAF characters, including Sun and Moon from Security Breach. He actually signed our prints while doing their voices which was so cool and totally didn't make me or Cal fangirl no sir X'D.

Here's a close up of the print he signed.

He was also kind enough to sign me and bestie's plushies as we had been waiting in the queue for a bit. So here's a pic of the side her signed it. My plush is double sided with Sun on one side and Moon on the other. He signed the Moon side.

And here's what the Sun side looks like too in case anyone's interested (and for those wondering this is the YooTooz Sun/Moon inverted plush)

As well as Kellen Goff, I also got to meet FNAF and horror game YouTuber Dawko which was so surreal to me since I watch his content quite a bit. He was super cool as well and I managed to get a photo with him as well as this awesome print signed:

The best thing about the con was definitely spending it with Cal though. It was so surreal to have her right beside me and to talk about our beloved fandoms together. I can't wait to one day meet up with her again and until then, I gotta keep this little guy that she entrusted me with safe:

That way he'll be able to reunite with felt Dream (that bestie still has with her) when I get to meet with Cal again :3!

#random post #london comic con #bestie meet up #bestie tag #calcium cat #update on bestie meet up #So sad it's over now though #But one day I'll make it to America I'm sure #And bestie can come to Ireland hehe #have a wonderful day

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alarrytale · 6 months ago

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I know you’re not going to agree with me on this but I’ve been here since 2013 and I can easily say I’ve never seen this much invasive type behavior from Larries before. Not on tumblr but definitely on other social media platforms. It’s overwhelming and exhausting even as a fellow Larry. Plus then they tag him in the most bizarre connections, making his achievements all about Harry and even using Louis’ trauma with losing his family members to how Harry must’ve felt more than Louis. So unfortunately, he’s been brought into this quite a bit by fans. Before we did have that wall between fandoms and him but when people started tagging him more and more, that wall disappeared. I know you don’t want to hear criticism of other Larries because you’ve made that clear previously but unfortunately some did contribute to the change in the fandom also and it’s pushing some Larries away. More Larries have changed to a neutral stance to move away from that type of behavior. It’s no longer harmless clowning in many cases. I miss the old days where Larries were fun and more about being supportive than proving they’re right about 2 artists’ sexuality. I also remember artists are still people and as a closeted person I feel for them. It’s difficult and I can’t even imagine being forced into closeting like they are. Wanting to show who you are but also knowing you can’t. And then having those feelings as someone who is examined under a microscope daily by millions of people seems awful. Am i sticking up for his denials? No of course not. He could’ve handled things differently obviously. But I think his “so be it” response this last time was just him sort of giving up, so it’s hard to even call that a denial. I don’t think he’ll talk about it anymore after that type of a response but that’s just my opinion. As a side note I’ve seen more posts talking about an increase of men in the crowds for his shows lately from people who have attended shows. I also saw someone bring up the Vintage Fans group before. Great group! And they continue to grow in size. I think things can be deceiving with his crowds at shows. Many of the people in the pit are young and queue to get a good spot because hell when I was young, I used to do the same. But in my early 40s you wouldn’t catch me doing something like that lol. When you look in the seated areas, the ages of fans vary greatly. I’ve been to a few shows for this tour and I was always in very good company.

Hi, anon!

You don’t have to agree with me! I feel like i say this all the time, but it's important that we acknowledge the right to have differing opinions and beliefs. We are all different people with different fandom experiences.

I think you need to remember a couple of things. Who's the one with the power, H and L's role in this as instigators and role models, that social media are fandom spaces where the artist promotes their stuff and do fan service by interacting with fans, and that gaslighting and lying makes people desperate to prove that what they're seeing isn't imagination, it's real. You also need to consider that there are always a handful of people in every fandom who goes overboard, doesn’t know boundaries and who acts on impulse. Those people aren't representative for the fandom at large. They might be vocal, have loads of followers and engagement on their posts, but they don't represent the fandom and majority opinion and views.

I don't know what you mean by invasive behaviour and i don't know the context of why and when it happened if you don’t give me examples. The reason why people have such a need to prove that they're queer is because of extreme gaslighting over several years paired with larry signalling. For the fandom environment and to lessen tensions it would have been better if they didn’t signal at all. But then larries would have left, and H and L would be miserable if they weren't allowed to show who they are. Fandom usually takes their cues from H and L. The more H and L lies and try to hide stuff, the more the fandom will dig to find the truth.

H and L are both celebrities and with that comes scrutiny, an interest in their private lives and being role models. It's in the job description. If they can't handle that they need to find another job. They're 30+ year old, white male multimillionaires. You don’t have to pity them.

If you think that the fandom is the reason for the denials, let me tell you it isn't. It's homophobic labels and Louis and Harry's own pushing of boundaries, refusing to stunt that's making Louis do larry denials. It's got nothing to do with fandom. Believe me, Louis is not done talking about larry or larries lol. It's the only thing getting him in the papers these days.

It's good to hear that the crowds are still diverse! I think you're right in that the younger ones are probably in the pit and at barricade.

#fandom #solo louis #louis image #babygate for ts #larry denials

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bluebeads-art · 3 months ago

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your art is so amazing !!! i adored the 3d printed stuff (as someone who has had to design myself 3d printed merch before because i don't usually have much access to the merch in my fandom lol), it's so good?? and all your coloring is beautiful <3

all this to say it might not seem like i reblog much but rest assured all the stuff i liked (or didn't) went into my queue a few times over hehehe. i LOVE your art it's amazing <3

wishing you luck with the identity and health stuff, even if it doesn't get better i hope you find happiness within it 🫡

gah this got away from me sorry for the ramble

aaaaaaa I saw this message in a notification on my phone, said "I'll read that when I actually have time to reply," then the notification got dismissed somehow and if there's no notification prompt to remind me of something, it no longer exists to me. It's been a month I'm so sorry ^^;;

Thank you so much! I wish it was easier to convert more of my stuff to be 3D printable, but my usual modeling style is not watertight in the slightest and disregards gravity entirely. 😆 3D modeling has always been really cool to me because there's so many different workflows depending on what you're trying to make. Keeps things from getting stale!

Speaking of differences, I feel like people don't tend to mention my coloring. :0 I think my line art usually steals the show, heh. I used to be a lot more conscious about color theory and shading when I was younger, but these days there's no thoughts, only vibes 😂

Ok the line, "even if it doesn't get better i hope you find happiness within it" hit me unexpectedly hard (in a good way). Any nice messages I get always means a ton to me, but while I don't seem to be able to articulate why at the moment, I think that line will stick with me for much longer than usual. Thank you so much ♥

---

Speaking more generally (this message just gave me a good excuse to talk, heh)- spoilers; the artist in my brain refuses to die. So after, like, a literal year of not touching it, I've started working again on a 3D modeling project that I started in 2021 that has been haunting me ever since. Been trying to redesign a robot OC of mine Rayner, and I'm really particular about wanting his joints to work in a physical space instead of bending the rules artistically. I'm Really bad at designing complex hard surface objects in flat 2D though. However, there's a reason artists tell you not to character design in 3D, and that's because it's slow, it's easy to lose design cohesion, and most importantly it just sucks, awful workflow. But I am Doing it. And while I was super stuck for years and almost developed a friggin phobia of the project, I am now Doing It. And it's actually working out this time. The 3D model itself is MILES from being done, but the design almost is, and while that's a boring end result for other people, it represents a huge milestone and accomplishment for me in many ways.

I've been drawing a little bit lately too! But I feel my social media hiatus has given me a healthier relationship with posting? Like I have a few doodles that I could either post now or post soon, but I don't feel the same pressure to anymore? Where even if I never post them, I think I'm fine with that. I've always thought I made art for myself, but that's not exactly true because I was also making art for the sake of sharing. And while I don't think there's anything wrong with that, I think being able to separate the two and be content with simply just creating is healthy. Also I'm still not as active on social media in general anymore which is probably healthier as well LOL.

So I'll prrrobably start posting again soon-ish now that I've broken this blog's posting silence? Not sure how to wrap this monologue up. My physical health problems are going to keep on probleming, but in terms of artistic fulfillment I've been in a much better place this past month, and that's a huge yeehaw from me 👍

#bluebead answers #bluebead rambles

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mitamicah · 7 months ago

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My experience having my birthday at a Blind Channel concert (Pumpehuset, Copenhagen April 22 2024)

Better late than never here's my few cent about my (birthday) concert with Blind Channel last month :3

Me and a friend arrived at 3 pm where a cute little queue consisting of 3 Finns and 3 german people had gathered. This was where I got my first birthday song of the evening (it wouldn't be the last).

The queueing reminded me a lot of Malmö yet this time I was less surprised since I have more experience with Danish queues. (we are not very good at queueing for long periods of time especially on a monday xD) I did meet a handful of lovely people tho including a fan France, one from the Netherlands and a fellow danish fan who'd seen the band four times. One of the german fans were so kind of gifting me their VIP bag (since they'd gotten quite a few on this tour alone having early entrance/meet and greet to more or less all the shows). Despite having nothing personally to gift the fans this time this wouldn't be the last bit of merch I'd get since a fan later gifted me a homemade silk bracelet :'3

At 5.30 (aka my time of birth) the queue was starting to form. Me however decided to play Käärijä from my phone so the first song I'd hear in my 29th year would be Cha Cha Cha. The three Finns from earlier were right next to me when I sang my way through the song and they were surprised I wasn't from Finland xD. Me explaining why in the world I chose to play CCC in the middle of queuing got people to sing a second row of Happy Birthday xD

We ended up getting a pretty good spot on third row at the concert. The venue was tiny (I believe it was the small one with the capacity of 300 people) yet I was hopeful since last intimate concert I'd been to (Malmö) became one of my favourites real fast.

First band of the evening was Cold Culture from Denmark. I couldn't unsee the resemblance between Mads the frontman and Bojan (you may have seen my other post about this x'D). So I was sorta stalking him with my camera the whole set and the one time I didn't, he reached out to hold my hand (just like Bojan x'D). I didn't get the same stomach churning awe as with Bojan however but it was still a magical moment :'D. The band were really good and I have been pretty hooked on their sound since pretty much one half of a song played that evening.

Next band was Rock Band From Hell that - unfortunately given their name - is not really from Hell but are from Finland xD. Another pleasant surprise and once again a band where I felt drawn to the frontman but this time because his fit was the perfect mixture of nostalgia (think 2004/American Idiot Green Day) and gender envy (fishnets and coloured hair included) for me. The songs too were heavily influenced by 2000s pop punk which is just up my alley so I had a blast. My friend caught a guitar pick from Frontman Jani and then gave it to me as a birthday gift which I am more than grateful for :'D <3

Blind Channel got on stage around 10 pm and their set too was a lot of fun. I had made a sign basically stating it was indeed my birthday (as it turned out I was the only one there with a sign OVO) which I put up after the third song. Joel noticed and then lead the audience through a round of happy birthday (I had honestly no idea what I'd expected to happen with the sign so this was a pleasant surprise). At one point the band started requesting for moshpits which was a bit of a disaster given half of us were not into it (think closer to the Joker Out crowd in terms of overwhelmingly being girls and gays present) and the other half trying way too hard to make up for it. When the band realised that this wouldn't work they instead started a circle pit and that felt more right (I was in it and Mads from CC was too). It took me almost the entire circle pit to realise Joel had place himself in the middle of our pit and stood there unbothered singning x'D.

When the circle pit stopped I found myself having lost my good spot at the front and where now closer to the back. It didn't matter too much given the tiny size of the venue so I could still see just fine. The danish flag got on stage during the Dark Side encore which felt really good experiencing actually seeing my own flag being tossed around at one of these concerts (I am so used to it being Swedish, German or Finnish flags now x'D).

After half-heartedly attempting to get a pick, drumstick or setlist after the concert (spoilers: I didn't get either) I went to the merch stand where I got to talk to Jani and Jere from RBFH (frontman and guitarist) and knowing me of course I ended up venting about Finland and Käärijä for half a minute xD they were really nice tho and I bought their album ^V^

Then I went to chat with Cold Culture and got pictures with almost the whole band (keyboardist Andy had to get home since he lived 4-5 hours away). the guys were more than a little excited learning that it was my birthday. They sung Happy Birthday to me at least twice and drummer Andy (there are two with the same name but pronounced differently to make the confusion even bigger x'D) were especially excited about my flag cape (I had a flag with arms on the entire evening x'D) so he got to wear it and I almost just gifted it to him then and there :'D.

Having spoken to CC for a while (I can confidently say Mads also has a personality that resembles Bojan) a merch person got out with a shirt that had a minor defect that they couldn't sell. Turned out that would be my last accidental birthday gift x'D.

After a while we got hushed out by security yet gathered around the venue to talk/digest about the concert. Standing close to the bus we got to say hi to quite a few of the members from Blind Channel including guitarist Joonas (the fan from France got a photo with him) and Joel (he remembered me as the person with the birthday so he said happy birthday again :D <3).

Around 2-3 am (so 12 hours after arriving x'D) we said our goodbyes and me and my friend went home to my mother's house were we were staying. I got like 3 hours of sleep that night and a sore throat but it was definitely worth it given the amount of experiences we got this one night. Definitely in my top 5 if not top 3 of recent concerts although personally I'd say Käärijä in Berlin and Joker Out in Malmö is still a bit higher for me personally even considering the amount of little blessings from this evening :'D

#blind channel #gig report #micahs thoughts #micahs foolery #it only took me 9 days to actually sit down to write this xD #not sure how many of you will read it #or care #but here it is none the less x'D #cold culture #rock band from hell

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swearyshera · 2 years ago

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I feel people like you, who post free entertainement on social medias, need some reminders, so here goes:

remember you don't owe us anything. No explaination, no apology, no excuse, no punctuality, not even quality.

If you need a break, take it and you don't have to tell us why or to give us a deadline.

If you didn't post at a time you scheduled to post, you don't need to rush, to give excuses or to apologize.

If your content doesn't please everyone, you don't have to redo it, (if it's you who aren't satisfied, you might want, but then again you have to find the good balance between being proud of yourself and being over perfectionist and never achieving anything because there's always something to fix)

Since you're providing entertainement (as opposed to someone who is doing a crucial job for someone's health, for instance, and who therefore needs to warn someone to replace them if necessary), you don't need to post or to be on time; you could give it all up, none of us is entitled to your content or your time. Since you're doing it for free you don't have a contract with any of us, therefore you face no consequence by being late or "bad" or just stopping.

If for some reason you posted less, less often, or nothing at all, there's plenty of entertainment providers on the internet. We love your content and will configure tumblr to get notifications when (if) you'll come back, but we don't need you, so please prioritize yourself, what you want, what is healthy for you.

Anyway I think I speak for all of us when I say this: it's best if you take your time, so that you're in good physical and mental health, to provide content you like, than if we get 100% of the "job" done right on time, but it made you feel bad. We wouldn't be happy about the result.

I absolutely love writing this and sharing it with everyone - I wouldn't have gotten this far if I didn't. And I have always prioritised my own wellbeing, as I'm sure you'll be pleased to hear - that's why I take short breaks at the end of each season, as well as either a break or a posting reduction in the middle. That gives me the time to take it easy and take days off all while not having to panic because the queue's running down rapidly.

Yes, this blog does take up a lot of my time outside of work - maybe more than it should, I probably spend a good 5 or 6 hours a week on it. But I'm happy to, and it's never a chore (some scenes can feel a bit dragging, so I normally just take a break and come back afresh the next day). And importantly, I still have time free to do other things.

One of the reasons I make funny things is that the world is not that funny and becoming less funny every day. If I can give people a reason to smile amongst all the gloom and doom, even if it's just for a second, I figure that's time well spent. Reading through the tags, the responses, the asks... that all makes it worthwhile because I know I've been able to make people happy (or I've just given them an emotional punch to the gut).

I'm so much better at keeping myself healthy than I used to be, and that includes making sure I'm not overworking myself. If something awful happened and I couldn't write for a week, I'd weather it just fine and wouldn't push myself beyond my limits. I love all of you, and that's why I do this. We're gonna get to the end, no problem!

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