#post I will probably be embarassed about when it turns out to be nothing

[runekeepershymnal]

SO!!

Did you know that:

When you get an echocardiogram, you can sometimes hear what they’re picking up? While they’re prodding around your bare chest with a gelled up weird probe?

Well, the way my technician did it, you can, and I am now in a bit of a weird, semi-ecstatic spiral about that sound, which at some times sounded like a record scratching, but, most concerningly, at least to me, because I am a fucked up little freak who of course googled the sounds I heard and what they might mean, and, and, and…

Did you know?

Apparently it’s supposed to go lub-dub, and not, in fact, lub-lub-dub.

So I am in a state of anticipation, but not actually… fear? I don’t think? (Pardon my hypochondria about something that may well [almost certainly shall] turn out to be nothing.)

Being one of Those Patients (superscript TM), I was, of course, unwilling to ask the techician if that was a normal sound. Like, maybe it’s supposed to sound like that based on the angle of the gelled up doodad probe thingie. Maybe there’s a secret mountain behind my ribs and only the atria echo. Ventricles are like ducks, and thus, they do not. Mostly I didn’t ask because 1. I’m pretty sure that the technician is not allowed to interpret any damn thing, 2. I’m pretty sure she was trained in “oh shit, this is like… actual afib tachycardia whatevs, you’re not allowed to leave, in fact, we’re gonna pop you in an ambulance to scootch you the (I can’t gauge distances) hundred feet to the emergency room next door at the low low price of fuck you, your ancestors, and the descendants you don’t/won’t have to make sure you don’t just drop dead here and now.

(She did not do any of those things. She gave me a small towel to wipe the sonogram gel off my tits, which I guess is at least a little courteous. Certainly better treatment than I’ve received from most people who got to see my tits.)

So, of course once I get home, I last about fifteen minutes before I start googling what the sound might mean. And of course, I get afib, and murmurs, and cha cha cha, and then, I get hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, a condition with which I have a great deal of associated emotional baggage.

The spiral continues, of course, into smaller, tighter, more numerous spirals of each fractal spinning out.

God, am I going to have to tell people? Family? Friends? I could barely deliver the news that I hadn’t gotten the job I thought I would, this is going to be so fucking awkward.

If I need a pacemaker, I’m going to be so very irritated that I can’t be in the same room as an in-use microwave anymore. I guess I’ll just… sous vide everything? Be that person who actually has to remember to take things out of the freezer and thaw them the long way? Except…

The whole point of this testing was because I’d admitted to my medication provider that sometimes I have heart palpitations (yes, I am an absolute moron), but I’m sure it’s fine, after all, anxiety, am I right?

So there is a good chance if the ticker insists upon ticking twice before every tock that my ADHD meds will be no more, in which case, remembering to take meat out of the freezer to thaw will be the least of my executive dysfunction problems.

(I actually love the idea of a tiny bolt of lightning having to smite be back in line whenever I start following the beat of my own drum.)

(The sound of my heart would make sick beats, by the way. Maybe I can create a Soundcloud to which I could upload the audio.)

Inside me there are two wolves: One who lives by ‘I don’t want to be a bother/I don’t need help/I’ve got this’ and one who is the Most Dramatic Bitch Ever and wants to go around wearing a pageant ribbon that says ‘Mx. I Might Drop Dead at Any Second But You Could Too Because No One is Fucking Special” and making deeply uncomfortable prolonged eye conntact with anyone and everyone who is fool enough to read it so that we both might wonder who will croak first? (There was nothing stopping me from doing this before, but apparently my priorities are fucked up.)

If the prognosis is bad, should I sell my Rεdd!t account? I’ve got enough karma to post basically anywhere…

How wonderful it would be to just stop without prelude or time to regret or pity. No wasting and no responsibility.

I might actually have some sort of proof that I have a heart! I mean, I’ve never seen it.

I’ll have to get some life insurance worked out. I’d love for my chronically ill disabled spouse to be rich, but I certainly don’t want him facing a big bill.

This whole list is going to be super embarassing if I just get told to take some fish oil and get more exercise than asking the gods to smite me by carrying all the groceries up three flights of stairs at one time.

Am I on too many medications for them to harvest my other organs? Because I would dearly love to occupy other people like some ghost of the humors, inflicting my phlegm and biles upon people who thought they were blessed and instead got some very peculiar psychometric imaginary friend.

The thought that a bad prognosis might give me the “I could die at any second which I could before but now I have a doctor’s note” card is so exciting and, honestly, delightful. (Which I definitely can’t tell my medication provider.)

I am also annoyed because this is just One More Damn Thing. Like, wasn’t the fucky brain sufficient? Not trying to tempt fate or anything but c’mon, man, it’d be cool if one vital organ could operate like a 90s model Toyota and just work exactly like it’s supposed to. Liver, pancreas, I’m looking at you two, don’t get cute. You too, skin.

So yeah, just… c’mon, man. I was finally getting some of the shit that my decades of undiagnosed ADHD may not have cause but sure as fuck exacerbated. Can we just figure it out? It’s the 21st century, how fuckin’ long does it take to take a gander at a sonogram and say “shit, that’s weird. Let me flip through my big damn book of cardiology to see if it’s ‘oh shit, fuck, shit’ weird or just ‘hrm’ weird”? Yes I’m oversimplifying advanced medicine, but again, it’s the 21st fuckin’ century.

I was never really able to ignore my heard since it is a fluttery-ass bastard that likes to make itself known (and apparently most people don’t have that, who knew?), but boy does it sound neat to not be aware of the activity of one’s organs that aren’t supposed to require conscious intervention.

[vamossainz55]

hi, nik! fellow carlos enthusiast here hoping you could write a kiss to shut him up. he’s come home from the gym (post sweaty thirst trap selfie) and is venting about pierre. reader smooches him to stop, reassuring him that he could never do wrong in her eyes 🤫😘

a/n: hi anon, i love love loved writing this. carlos doesn't necessarily vent but reader does smooch him to shut him up. slight jealous carlos, i couldn't help myself sorry. i hope you enjoy <3

(+ insta au at the end w the infamous photo)

let's sweat it out, - cs55

it started as a joke, and it wasn’t meant to be taken as anything beyond that. you didn’t think he’d take it too seriously either as his ‘pobrecito’ comment hinted that the spanish driver hadn’t even taken pierre’s comment to heart. but here you were, watching carlos putting on his shoes on with his back turned towards you.

five years of being together meant you didn’t need to look at carlos’ face to know he’s not in the best mood. you can tell by the way he tightens his shoelaces, the little huff he lets out before he gets up.

“amor,” you say, rolling your eyes when he responds with dime before saying your name. he always did this when he was annoyed, refusing to use any pet name.

“i was joking,” you say for the nth time. you know carlos isn’t upset with you, the frustration of it all probably culminating into him being put into a bad mood. 

“maybe you shouldn’t have squeezed him carlos,” he says, voice high pitched with a scrunch of his nose. you roll your eyes at his childish response, crossing your arms over your chest.

“are you mocking me carlos?” your voice is sharp this time, a warning for him not to push it.

he hears it loud and clear since he instantly turns to look at you. “sorry, i know you were joking.” he murmurs before sighing. “i’m gonna go for a run and workout. i’ll be back in a few. do you mind waiting for a late lunch?” he comes over, resta his knee on the edge of the bed to kiss your forehead. 

“mhm, thought you were sorry.” you murmur but smile small at the offer anyways. his hand gently squeezes your elbow before he pulls away. “okay, i’ll wait for you for lunch.” 

_

you figure lunch will be… interesting. a few minutes after carlos had left you had seen pierre’s instagram story, a replay of when carlos had supposedly squeezed him. 

‘don’t be mad but,’ you had texted him along with a screenshot of the post. it took an hour for him to answer, and what he had sent was one of the last things you had expected to see. 

he replies with a photo and nothing else. you open the chat to see what it exactly is and you feel your cheeks burn red as soon as you see it. 

the photo is… something. you can see the droplets of sweat forming at almost every strand of hair he has. his locks are disheveled, lips parted as if in the midst of panting. your eyes trail to his collarbones, down to his chest and you have to cover your face, suddenly embarassed as your blush travels down your chest. 

before you even muster the courage to reply the notification comes in, carlossainz55 posted on their story. 

you’re bright red when you see the photo appear on your screen again. ‘carlos’ you text, 'what is this!! delete!!!!’. it’s technically not explicit, the caption of it saying gym time but it looks so intimate, reminds you of late nights or early mornings that has you feeling antsy. 

he doesn’t answer though, not after two texts or five, and you end up hiding your phone inside the closet to stop yourself from looking at that photo. he knows how much waiting drives you crazy. 

so he’s not surprised when he gets home to find you in the kitchen, lunch barely started even though he had texted you thirty minutes ago saying he was on the way. 

“you didn’t text me back, lost your phone?” carlos asks, smiling innocently at you when you turn over to look at him.

he’s still wearing his gym clothes, the change of clothes left in the bag he had dropped by the door. the fabric clings onto his body and he doesn’t miss the way you eye him. 

“left it to charge upstairs,” you murmur, red when you realise carlos fully knows your ogling him. 

“oh?” he says before coming closer to you. “but what if you miss one of pierre’s post?” carlos asks, raising his brow. 

“huh?” you ask, almost surprised by his words. carlos shrugs, hooks his fingers into the belt loops of your jeans. he pulls you close, loves the way you move towards him without question.

“maybe he releases another statement hm?” his lips hover over yours. “i mean… i shouldn’t have squeezed him after all. my fault hm,” you lean close to kiss him, already riled up from earlier but he doesn’t let you, leans back. “isn’t that what you said this morning?” 

“carlos,” you whine, the ingredients on the counter well forgotten. 

“you’re so busy with what pierre has to say, giving him all the attention in the world. he must be right hm?” your lips come close again, wanting to interrupt him but he still doesn’t let you.

“everybody knows you didn’t do anything carlos,” you say, antsy for a kiss already. 

“mhm, everybody but my girlfriend.” he says, raising his brow.

that’s exactly the moment you realize what all of this is really about. carlos wasn’t mad at pierre, he was jealous of your attention on him. 

“god, you’re annoying,” you say, and carlos knows you’ve finally gotten it. “i was joking.” 

carlos hums. “are you sure?” 

“yes, carlos.” his hands grip your waist. 

“really sure?”

“carlos,” 

“were you re-“ the words are taken from his lips when you press yourself against him. you cup your face and his hands go to squeeze your waist, lifting you to the counter to let you sit there. he smiles against your lips, lets a soft sigh of satisfaction once you both pull away. 

"you know i'll always back you first right?" you ask, raising your brow and carlos nods, pressing his lips against yours again.

"mhm, i know." he says, pressing kisses to your neck. you let your eyes flutter shut but you're quick to remember the story he had posted earlier, and you have to ask.

“so… the photo?” you question, hands already roaming under his shirt. 

“well, needed to make sure pierre was the last thing on your mind,” he says smugly. “did it work?”

you wait for a moment, watch as carlos tries to kiss you but this time you lean back, making him regret doing the same earlier. he pouts, blinks when you tap his nose with his finger. 

“hmm, i don’t know. maybe.” you say against his lips before kissing him again. 

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc, landonorris and 293,758 others

yourusername dont worry about him guys. i'll let him squeeze me all he wants 😏 🤫 1 hour ago

charles_leclerc: ... oh 😦 54m ago

fan1: who wants to bet it took charles more than ten minutes to get what yn meant 28m ago liked by carlossainz55

fan2: WHY IS NOBODY SAYING ANYTHING ABOUT THE MEME 26m ago

fan1: no bc the mouth froth is so real. 25m ago

carlossainz55: coming home rn 🏃🏻‍♂️ 59m ago

yourusername: you're literally right next to me 57m ago

landonorris: NOT INFRONT OF THE KIDS 40m ago

yourusername: what kids? we're making them rn 20m ago

landonorris: i'm gonna throw up 🤢 18m ago liked by charles_leclerc

fan3: not the carlos sainz apologist 10m ago

fan4: LMAO shes his gf ofc she would be??? 6m ago liked by yourusername

yourusername: carlos apologist first, carlos fucker second 3m ago

fan4: girl i-

[bootlegramdomneess]

Is Carmy turning into Chef David? The answer is no.

I'm not sure how much we appreciate the insidiousness of Chef David.

sidebar:Carmy realizing he has mental illness is huge and being able to connect it to his traumatizing experience with Chef David is also huge. The self realization is a huge step. But back to David...

Chef David enjoys being abusive. He enjoyed abusing his staff; most of all Carmen. i'm sure it gave him a sick sense of control to knock Carmen down a few pegs. If I can hazard a guess, Chef David , while great, is probably super insecure and was threatened by Carmy who is probably better than him. But that's not my point, the point is he enjoys being abusive.

He enjoyed abusing Carmen through embarassing/humiliating him in front of staff. He went out of his way to abuse carmy. He engages in what is called quiet abuse, where you're verbally abusing someone while using a calm tone of voice which can be very confusing and off putting to a victim. It creates this alarm of confusion in your body where now you're anxious no matter what tone is used.

Quietly insulting Carmen and then making Carmy insult himself was deviant as fuck. Chef David lacks empathy. He is cruel. He is a verbal sadist which is someone who derives pleasure from humilating or embarrassing others through the use of words. and this fucking sociopathic smirk...

He knew exactly what he was doing and what he did to Carmen. He knew exactly who Carmy was and who he will be. BETTER THAN HIM. He is a predator and a predator knows a rabbit when he sees one. I know he could sense how sensitive Carmy is. Outside of being a better Chef than him, on a deeper level. He may not have known where Carmy came from but he sensed something vulnerable in the young man. "Look at you now." fuck you David. That shit did not help and you know it. But I digress...

Carmy is not turning into Chef David. His behavior is NOTHING like chef david's. he's very well aware and is afraid of being Chef David

I can see where one would believe what we are seeing is Carmy turning into the devil himself. Carmen Is very traumatized. We are seeing him renact his Trauma. He is trying to deprogram himself (albeit not in the healthiest way) but in some ways he is trying a healthy way. (going to meetings..not smoking) That man has complex Post Traumatic Stress disorder. The difficulty to regulate his emotions--trauma. His behavior in the kitchen is straight up anxiety. It is his response to that anxiety. Irritability, yelling, impatience. He is truly suffering and is high risk for crashing out in the worst way.

Carmy can be a Bear. He can be rash. He can be an asshole. But he is not cruel, he has empathy, and he cares. He may not express properly but he FEELS so much.he has too many checks and balances that can stop him from turning into Chef David.

look at Sydney watching him crash out about Chef david. She's definitely the main check and balance. Also, some psychotherapy wouldn't hurt either.

Carmy finally being able to confront his abuser is a big step for him. I hope he can truly began to heal from it. I feel like he has a few more crash outs coming, but he's on his way.

fuck this fucking guy.

[angelismmm]

—﹒⟢ The Way I Think (of you~) ft diluc, kaeya, tartaglia

summary: they caught you in the act, but you're too close to stop now!

a/n: ill probably make a pt2 of this but,, this is my apology post for u guys i promise ill come back soon ���💔

warnings: nsfw, use of toys, sub!reader, dom!character, gn!reader, fingering (no not implied fem!reader)

diluc did mention he wasn't gonna be home early again.. so what was the harm of missing your boyfriend in a.. different way? you barely have seen your diluc all week other than small notes he leaves behind. but turns out he wasn't gonna be out all night, finishing off the last hilichurl camps nearby plus any abyss mages with them. the thought of you both finally cuddling in bed, to his surprise though, it wasn't like you didn't miss him, and wouldn't do something about the feeling.. but this way of missing him was.. truly interesting. through the candle lit hallways of the 2nd floor in dawn winery, he heard something. like you calling out his name, "dear, are y-" coming into the room, weeing you sprawled out on the bed, small tears im your eyes, giving a hint you were close, "i'm so sorry lo-" "j-just help me out please, close, i need you luc.", but oh well, let's just say you got what you wanted, a million times over

kaeya your wonderful superb boyfriend, sad he's been away for a bit too much, well 2 weeks certainly is alot. nothing else but him would be on your mind at dawn, when would he come back, when would he make you feel ethereal again, wanting that isn't so bad right? oh well, a human's imagination is infinite. he didn't mention when he'd be back, so.. what was the harm in missing him in a special way? waiting around doing nothing gets you nowhere! what about a headstart? just that, you didn't know he wanted to surprise you specifically today. "mmfー faster.. close so close" you said to yourself, vibrator remote scattered on the bed, fingers thoroughly in and out, a fast pace, you heard the door opening, (oh by the way his scarf thingy is like on your neck basically, don't ask me how ❤️) "hey i'm ho- oh my..." he says, slowly putting down the chocolates he'd bought from who knows where, "iーi'm sorry! i couldn't wait and y-you weren't there to help this, ha-hagh.. please i'm so c-close!" kissing your forehead oh so lovingly, "i'll treat you better than those toys.. don't you worry your pretty head about it anymore, i'm here."

pretty boy childe.. ohh pretty boy childe. unbeknownst to him, his cute (and fuckable) partner was quite the lonely wolf tonight. maybe the way you howled out his name at night really did it. but out if all timesー he comes home now.. childe comes through the door awaiting you to wrap your arms around him and smother him in affection again. but you didn't seem to be there at all. he wondered where you were, coming up the stairs calling your name, but being cut off after coming close to your guys' shared bedroom. and it didn't seem like you were trying to hold back, as he slowly peeked through the slightly open door, you were so close, he could sense it. seeing you so vulnerable, so sensitive for him. so adorable, just for him. the tent in his pants becoming more visible, seeing you slowly moaning out his name, mewling, in such a cute state, as he described, "my, my, you really couldn't wait could you beautiful?" he said, slightly looking up to see your lover's hungry eyes, devouring the sight of the scene you both are in the moment. "a-ah! a-ajax, p-please 'm close!" you said, your head bowing down in embarassment, "fine, just keep moaning my name out that pretty little mouth of yours."

i hope i ace my exams

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for calling my (24m) brother (20m) out for a bad habit he's sensitive about?

To preface, this isn't that dramatic of a story. We've always had a good relationship, and still do. Nothing in this story has affected that, and hopefully it stays that way. He's a good guy, and always means well.

But he is a huge, HUGE know-it-all. In almost every conversation he *has* to be the expert. He'll lecture my mom on how to cook, telling her stuff like what the best spices are and tells her how she could improve her technique. When we play games together, he'll always tell me what I should be doing and when to do it. He's a philosophy major, so if you EVER get into a disagreement with him he'll bring up Deleutze or Aristotle or some bizzare thought experiment, always using it to justify himself and admonish you. I'm a full time professional programmer, and he'll lecture *me* about software and do the classic elitist "why are you using x instead of the obviously superior y?"

I could really go on for a LONG time, because this is a constant with him. He can't go 20 minutes without "helpful corrections". I sometimes poke fun at him if I can get a harmless jab in, calling him "professor" or something. It irritates him a lot, but we're brothers, so of course we get on each other's nerves. He annoys me, so I annoy him.

A recent breaking point was when I was drinking this horrible tasting laxative stuff because I was constipated (somewhat embarassing to admit in a public post, but here we are). He began telling me how if I just chugged it, it would be easier. I told him that no, actually, chugging it would make me barf.

Instead of letting it go, he just couldn't. He almost turned it into suffering olympics. "I don't know why you won't listen to me. Do you even know how often I've had to drink that? If you've done it as much as I have, you'd know what I mean."

He said that to me; his brother with severe gastrointestinal disease, who had 5 colonoscopies by the time I was his age. I've drank literal gallons of this exact stuff, and he knows that. I snapped at him more than I probably ever have before. I told him that, actually, it's possible for OTHER people to know better than him, and sometimes he should just learn when to shut up and let people do it their way instead of his way.

He did NOT take it well, but he didn't get mad. I kinda wish he did, because instead he got REALLY sad. Not in a manipulative way, he was actually trying to hide it. He mumbled some kind of defense about how i "misunderstood him" and he changed the subject. But for the next few hours his "light" was totally gone. He forced himself to smile and act like everything was fine, but he was clearly hurt by it. I remembered that a few months ago, he mentioned that he had self-hatred problems he was trying to work through. I think I hit that nerve inside him.

I don't know what to do going forward. I don't feel like I was wrong to say what i did, but feels like the emotional damage he took was way worse than the frustration at him I felt in the moment. If I could go back, I genuinely don't know whether I would say it again or not. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[mschimdt]

special (NSFW)

lyle wainfleet x human!mechanic!reader

2400 words

summary: you appear as a innocent mechanic, until lyle starts gaining interest in you after seeing a porn video that was posted by you back on earth, he immediatley recognised your face and his only goal now is to make you his

warnings:over simulation, embarassment, p to v, sex (obv), size difference, human x navi and many more

- - - - - - - - - -

as a mechanic on pandora, you were incharge of fixing and organising helicopters and fighter jets, you were also incharge of oxygen masks and anything that involved mechanical work, it was weird to be the only female on the mechanical team but you got used to it, you worked really hard to get this job and you werent ever going to give it up

in the past you were a known pornstar, put you kind of just disappeared off the internet after deciding to make yourself a better person, because you knew porn was wrong but it was your only source of income at the time

you worked your ass off and got into college to achieve your dream of working on cars and airplanes, you studied day and night and practiced to make yourself perfect

a few weeks after you graduated, something caught your eyes in the street, a poster advertising a program in a planet called pandora, you heard of this project and how they were able to transport humans a few hundered light years out of the solar system in just 6 years

you considered it, knowing you could get a spot in the mechanical feild on pandora excited you, you immediatley signed up and you were accepted

your flight to pandora was just 3 months away, you had no family here anyways, so throwing yourself on a different planet knowing you might never come back wasnt too hard because there was no one to worry about here on earth

now you work as a mechanic, one of the top mechanics in pandora, your work never failed to impress everyone, you could fix anything even if it was considered ‘unfixable’ by others

you heard of the phoneix project, it was probably a bad idea after the jake sully shit but oh well, it was intriuging how they could bring souls back to life ad huge blue giants

Reader POV

i was walking in bridgehead trying to get to the plane room as quickly as possible, ardmore needed something fixed ASAP.

but on the way there something caught your eye.. a blue figure walking through bridgehead… NOT ONE but a few, almost around 8, they looked navi and you immediatley got scared, you thought they were some navi savages coming to destroy bridgehead, they walked a but closer and you noticed they were dressed in military clothing.. this was probably the phoenix project that you heard ardmore speaking about

that was confirmed when you saw ardmore walking next to one of them, talking, the rest of them were walking behind both ardmore and the blue guy, you suspected he was quaritch, one of the most known men out here

ardmore spotted you and pointed at you, motioning for you to come over, both ardmore and the guy you thought was quaritch stood still waiting for you to make your way to them

your neck was slowly breaking while looking up at him, “y/n please come with us, i need you to explain new equipment to the colonel here” “yes ma’am” you said following her through the busy building, you all made your way to the building that had all the guns and weapons that were made for navis

ardmore started speaking: “this is y/n, shes one of our best mechanics and i wanted to assign her to any problems you and your team may have with equipment and veichles, shes good at what she does and she’ll make sure nothing happens to you regarding mechanical stuff.” you were having a hard time looking up at quaritch, you were really tall for a woman, you were 5’11 but you only reached up to his waist

“alright y/n ill leave this to you” now you were oficially left alone with about 9 blue fiants that could crush you with their fingers

“okay uhmm” you said clapping your hands turning around to face the wall woth everything on it, you grabbed a “sniper” but this sniper was automatic

“okay so this is a auto sniper, they created this while you were all dead- that sounds weird but anyways, it basically shoots for you, you just gotta aim it, the bullets have technology where theyll hit the target almost every time, you just click this button to mark the target and you could be looking into a completley different direction and itll still hit the target” you handed the gun over to the guy that was standing infront of you, a bald guy with shades, and he help it up “oh wow this shits crazy, if i wasnt told ive been dead for 15 years i woulda thought its been 50!” he said holding the gun up

fast forward that day, you and the “bald guy” whos called lyle got along pretty well, sure his ideas were insane but he was fun to talk to

lyle recognised your face from somewhere, and he asked you when you came to pandora and you said that it was around 7 years ago, which meant that he couldnt have seen you in person when he was human

he kept thinking about where hes seen you day and night, he needed to know and he wasnt going to give up anytime soon, he did think you were a porn star but he quickly got rid of that thought knowing you werent someone that would film themselves having sex

until he was having a conversation with you where you asked about your past, so he did the same, “by the way, y/n since you graduated at 25 years old, that means you went to college late right?” “yea, dont know why youre asking because its pretty obvious” “ya had no family on earth though, how’d ya’ make money with no one back there?” he asked wanting to confirm the theory of you being a porn star, he knew it was probably nothing but he was sure that hes seen you somewhere involving porn or some shit “its complicated, lets just say i filmed… things” lyles eyes went wide and he said “KNEW IT! knew ive seen ya’ somewhere before ya’ looked familiar as hellll”

your face went red as you realised that lyle has seen your videos “o-ohh youve seen them…” you said trying to force a smile “ah dont worry they were good if thas wa’s botherin’ ya” you stared at lyle shocked he would even say that “you know this isnt gow you speak to a colleague right?” he made a fake-sad expression “i thoughttt weee were friendsssss” followed by fake sobs “alright alright, just dont mention this to anyone okay lyle?” you said hoping that he wouldnt tell anyone “dont worry i wont, anyways i gotta get going, i need to go train with the team” “alright have fun”

you were no doubt catching feelings for lyle, his funny personality and the way he spoke to you, he was sweet, hes never sweet to anyone but you, sure you both only met 3 months ago but you couldnt stop yourself from fantasizing about him

lyle went to train and you made your way to the weapon room because ardmore said one of the weapons needed fixing, you were tired of ardmore, she called you at the weirdest times asking you to come fix things, you wont lie though, the pay was really good, we’re talking around 8k for each veichle repair, and 2k for each weapon, you fix around 15 veichles and 30 weapons monthly which brings your pay up to almost 200k each month

you were pretty wealthy, you just save your money because theres nothing to spend it on here, you have almost 50 million in your bank account and inflation didnt exist here YET so your money was worth what it was worth 7 years ago

you fixed up whatever ardmore wanted you to fix and you headed to your room, drenched in sweat because of the lack of air conditioning, you took your tanktop and shorts off and hopped into the shower longing the feeling of cold water on your skin

just a few moments later theres a knocking on your door, you were still in the shower so you hurridley grabbed a shower robe and rushed over to the door because whoever was knocking was getting really impatient

you opened the door your head just peaking through, it was lyle “hey y/n have you seen my phone? i must have forgotten it here yesterday and i really need it because apparently ardmores been spamming me with shit and i wasnt replying” he said

not even bothering to ask if he could come in, quickly rushing over to your couch where he sat yesterday, he found it there and grabbed it “alright thank-“ he cut himself off when he stared at you, you were barely clothed and confused. he cursed under his breath, he didnt notice you werent wearing anything but a light robe

lyle just stopped speaking and shamelessly stared at your cleavage, “uhmm” you spat out because it was getting really awkward, lyle walked over to you pressing you against a wall, his hand wrapping around your neck

you didnt complain, you just stared at him with wide eyes “god damn.. look at you” he said, your face flushed red

lyle realized what he was doing and took a step back removing his hand from your neck apologising “sorry, sorry y/n i couldnt control myself, that probably made you uncomfortable so uhm sorry” he said awkwardly turning around to leave not waiting for a reply to save himself some embarassment

“whyd you stop” he was shocked when he heard you ask him why he stopped, he turned around

“i wasnt controlling myself, didnt want to make you uncomfortable”

“you didnt make me uncomfortable i liked it” you said smirking

“oh shit then-“ he walked over to you roughly slamming you against the wall wrapping his hands around your neck once again, “ya’ like that dont’cha”

you nodded, he then lifted you and threw you onto your bed, your bed was navi size so it could fit you and lyle easily

nefore lyle joined you on the bed he took his shirt off, you stared at his muscles admiring the sculpture of a mad you had infront of you, you wanted to worship his body goddamn

he threw himself ontop of you, connecting your lips, what was a innocent kiss turned into a heated makeout session really quickly and soon enough his tongue was exploring your mouth

you reached your arms down not breaking the kiss and you unwrapped your robe, lyle could feel you unwrapping it against his stomache

he reached his arm down to cup your tits, massaging them with his hands, you moaned into the kiss and you felt lyles cock harden against your leg

he squeezed your neck making you choke, still not breaking the kiss

finally, lyle broke the kiss first sitting up to stare at you, your chest was exposed and so was your cunt

he reached his hand down running his fingers theough your folds while his face dipped down to mark and suck on your chest

you were a moaning mess, lyle was rubbing your clit and sucking your nipples

you felt him glide his fingers around your cunt when sufdenly with no warning, he pressed a finger all the way inside of you

you tried to suppress your moans to make sure nobody would hear you, but lyle didnt want that, he started punping his finger in and out of you trying to get some noises out of you

you were nearing your release “l-lyle im about to c-cum” you said whimpering, “yea thas right, cum on my fingers there ya’ go” you started grinding yourself onto your fingers and you reached your orgasm with a loud scream like moan.

he helped you ride out your high over simulating you a little bit before pulling his fingers out of your cunt, putting them in his mouth sucking up any cum that was left on his fingers

his other hand reached down to unbuckle his belt, it unbuckled and he pulled his pants and boxers down at once revealing his painfully hard cock, it was larger than you expected but you couldnt do anything more than take it

“sure ya can take my dick, considering how many people you probably fucked huh?” “m-mhm” you mumbled not being able to let out complete words because of how fucked dumb you are, just from his fingers

he grabbed your knees spreading your legs even wider and pulling you to the edge of the bed, he had to go on his knees because you were too short, he glided his dick through your folds, covering the tip with your slick

then slowly he started pushing himself into you, he knew you werent gonna be able to take his entire length and he was okay with that, considering you were half his size

he pushed his cock a bit more than halfway, then he felt your cervix stop him from going any further “youre so fucking tight mm” he said giving you time to adjust to his size, a few minutes later the stinging pain went away and now you were just filled with need

“m-move please” thats all it took lyle to start thrusting into you, he started off slow then he built up the pace and now was pounding into you, you let out loud moans while lyle was groaning

“i-im close” you said followed by many more moans and whimpers, “c’mon cum fr’me” and thats all you needed to cum all over his huge cock, he was nearing his orgasm too

it was over simulating, he kept going even after you came, finally, he released his own load into you thrusting into you a few more times before stopping, his hands were on both your sides holding himself up inorder not to fall ontop of your fragile body

“you were so good fr’e me hm” he said praising you

“dont think ill be able to walk for a few days because of you” you said followed by a light giggle

lyle pulled out and layed himself next to you

it was already pretty late and lyle didnt have any intentions of returning to the team tonight, so he cleaned you up and stayed in your room with you

you both fell asleep cuddling, you didnt know lyle enjoyed cuddling this much, but i guess hes just a softie on the inside

[conkreetmonkey]

Why I was banned from r/curatedtumblr: a very belated explanation/apology post

Before migrating here from Reddit, I used to be a regular participant in r/tumblr as a commenter, then r/curatedtumblr when r/tumblr became unusably bloated with repost bots, and the useless mods did nothing because Reddit's leadership system is dumb and broken. Hence the name, curated tumblr; an r/tumblr replacement that was actually moderated. All of the regulars, including me, migrated there, and now r/tumblr is like 90% karma-farming bots endlessly upvoting each other, presumably so the accounts can later be sold for advertising or political astroturfing purposes. Happens all the time.

I explain this because it's important to understand that a) I was a part of the community for quite a while, and b) r/curatedtumblr was heavily moderated, so as to avoid the mistakes of its predecessor. Fine and dandy.

I was a high schooler at the time, terminally online and working a shitty fast food job to save up for the PC I'm typing this on. Thus, I'd spend the days endlessly interacting with the people on r/curatedtumblr, and the evenings working at a Taco Bell, unable to use my phone until breaktime.

One day, I forget the exact context, but the subject of r/FDS came up, which for those of you who are unaware is a hive of femcels. Named as an acronym for Female Dating Strategy, the sub was infamously sexist towards men, going on about things like "high/low value males" and how men below 6' were inhuman scum and basically doing everything incels do but with the gender roles flipped. And just like incels, everyone there was unaware the real reason The sub featured a nauseating glittery pink colour scheme a la Claire's, and everybody there talked like a popular high school girl in a Nickelodeon movie, all "yaaaaaass queen" "you go girl!" and shit like that.

So this sub comes up, and if memory serves we were shitting on it, or at least I was? Again, the context has been lost to memory, and since the sitewide search tools you used to be able to use to find multiple year old comments have all kicked the bucket, and the Reddit UI for finding old content is stupid and requires you to trudge through the entire histroy of a user chronologically until you find what you're looking for with no option to jump to the desired time period, I'm probably never going to be able to find it. I was making fun of the kind of shit they said on that sub, and I said something like "yass kween dump his low-value ass he only makes 800k a year ur worth more gurl," and then went to work.

Now, I didn't know it at the time, but as I worked, somebody saw the comment and thought I was mocking AAVE. They accused me of being a "4 Chan Nazi." Things kind of snowballed from there. Now, and this is embarassing and I've been hesitant to admit to it, but I'm here to explain and apologize, so:

when I was in high school, I did not know what AAVE meant.

I took offense to being accused of being a Nazi, and I forget what my reply was, but it was snarky towards the accuser, which made me look like a POS. Since I did not know what AAVE was, I did not refute the claim that I was making fun of it, and this made me look really, really bad to anybody who did.

I was then banned for this alleged racism. I looked up what AAVE was, realized I totally did look like a racist in that situation, but rather than fight the allegations, me, being an anxious teenager, instead eternally procrastinated on doing so, afraid of further anger directed at me.

It was a dumb choice to make, because now I'm afraid anybody on here from r/curatedtumblr who remembers those days might still think of me as "that guy who turned racist out of nowhere and then ran off." It's been eating at me for years, so I've decided it's time to rip the bandaid off and finally clear the air. I should have done this a very long time ago.

tl;dr, I made a string of bad decisions that made me look like a racist piece of shit. I could have easily undid this by immediately explaining the situation, but being an anxious, then-internet-inexperienced kid at the time, the sudden social rejection scared me, and I hid from the problem.

I'm sorry. It was a bad move. I never intended to mock AAVE, nor appear as if I was doing so. It's a valid English dialect, it's culturally important, and I respect it and those who speak in it. I apologize to anybody I may have offended by accidentally appearing to imply otherwise.

I hope anybody from those days who still remembers me can find it in their hearts to forgive me. Or they can choose not to, as is their right. I'm not here to beg for forgiveness, I'm here to finally explain things and put them to rest. This is what happened, I am sorry, and I hope you also see it as a poorly-handled misunderstanding and nothing more. I just needed to finally move on from this.

[vitalphenomena]

NAME : lye

PRONOUNS : they/them

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION : disco disco disco. IMs make me crazy they're so unreliable. i love talking ooc to plot and shoot the shit about writing. ive also made some incredible true friends through this.

NAME OF MUSE(S) : (chuckles) im not going to do that

BEST EXPERIENCE : four person double date thread with juniphil and romanjo. that was craaaazy @tahitiwoke @ruinaa @withbeasts

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS : vagues, godmodding, i don't super love when a mutual is broken without a softblock purely because i don't want to accidentally interact by liking a post/sending a meme and making someone uncomfortable because they broke the mutual and clearly dont want to interact since we're pretty much all mutuals only. nothing else really gets to me anymore, and im hoping to get to a point where nothing at all bothers me considering What This Is.

MUSE PREFERENCES : i think there are thematic consistencies in the stories im interested in telling. bisexuals. men are bad. those are two of the main things that stand out to me

PLOTS OR MEMES : yes?

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES : short :) we're in an improv troupe and i can only take my turn for so long :)

BEST TIME TO WRITE : when im awake! replies tend to embarass me when i sleepwrite on discord

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S) : considering there are like 48 of them now, i've probably got something in common with a handful of them. haters think spirit is my self insert, real ones think it's juniper, and only the truly based know that it's burns

TAGGED BY: @citizenstarlight posted and i stole it!

TAGGING: anyone on my affiliates list. im not just gonna tag yall every time just know your place. in addition, anyone else who wants to share, im curious :-)

[aakaneeee]

content: till (ALNST) × reader

tw: post round 7 events (based on theories I THINK make sense), reader is part of the resistance, slow, SLOW burn, fluff, VERY SELF INDULGENT, kind of bad and ooc😭

CHAPTER 1 | part 1

your eyes landed on the one saved from the ominous round 7, the one supposed to have competed with Luka, the oh-so-well known for his morally questionable ways of winning and dubious practices. a grey haired boy with suspiciously vibrant teal eyes (you thought it was funny, as his name was Till), and really, a dead expression, only changed by the slight light that appeared when he looked at the also pretty new colleague of yours, Mizi. "And Hyuna?" you asked, looking at the pink-haired girl. "She insisted that she has bussines to finish, even though wounded." she sighed, seemingly disappointed at the reckless behaviour. you nodded in acknowledgement, as your attention shifted to the boy next to her again. "nice to meet you." you said, adding your name, trying to sound as friendly as possible, afterall he seemed like he needed it. he reciprocated curtly, and I look confused at Mizi, who once described him as "wild, but kind nonetheless". she shrugged with a gaze that said "he's was like that when I took him out, too." "weeell! make yourself at home, I suppose?" you continue, before explaining how stuff went. he awkwardly went and sat down, looking somewhere distant. just as him, you went to do your own work, which unfortunately was waiting impatiently for Hyuna to hopefully come back, to ask about how it went. A bit nerve-wracking, since Mizi mentioned her being wounded, and she seemed just as worried. you couldn't help your gaze from drifting towards the hopeless-looking new member of the resistance. trought dark lashes and half-lidded eyes, you watched him do absolutely nothing (later that day, you were shocked and honestly, embarassed, at how long you admired someone simply barely breathing.) Something about his way of being seemed enticing in a way, it made you want to know more about him. You brushed it off simply: you always wanted to know about the new ones who join. But the new ones were usually happy to be free.. but he seemed like he couldn't care less. (You told yourself that so you wouldn't formulate it into "he looked like he would have rathered to die in the competition".)

once, for a second, perhaps feeling stared at, he turned his gaze towards you. His lifeless pupils looked into yours, before looking away again. You couldn't help but feel intrigued, while also noticing something tugging at your heartstrings.

out of respect (or shame) you decided to stop staring and got up from where you were sitting, yawning briefly. trying to make yourself helpful (and failing miserably), you walk around the 'base'. apparently once in a lifetime no one needed any kind of help, probably all waiting for hyunas return.

once more, your gaze drifted. should I try to get to know him better? no. better wait for him to get accommodated, you thought with a bit of hesitance.

| part 2

you silently clicked away trought different programs, looking around, searching for something, anything, about Hyuna's whereabouts. the technology was.. according to the era, but unfortunately, the resistance couldn't access the best of it without the aliens (probably) finding out. you swore you could feel a pair of eyes on you, and when you looked up from your screen, it seemed to be Till. "Interested in what you see?" you ask, a little proud that someone appreciated what you did. ".." "..I was staring into space."

oh.

"oh!" you look.. embarassed and you should be. "Im- Im sorry! I thought someone um.. felt like it was cool, what I was doing.. but really, you were in ALIEN STAGE, so I'm sure you saw technology even cooler than this!-" you babble and babble on, almost incoherently fast, before realizing, you're making a fool of yourself. and you stop (a little too late).

"Its.. fine. They did have technology. I wasn't allowed to use it."

"only you werent allowed to?.."

"there were definitely some.. less collared than me."

I decided not to ask, because there seemed to be something dark in his gaze when he said that.

"well.. if you're interested in what in doing and.. not staring into space.." he grimaced at your very awful 'pun'. "..you can always watch!"

he slowly gets up from where he sat ever since he was brought to the 'base'. "can you make music with this?"

"Hmm, i think so! I never tried, really.. Hyuna does most of the singing around here." you chuckle. "but it's possible for sure!" you begun explaining how all of the different programs worked, how you sometimes hacked systems, how the whole crew knew about little entrances or moments of inattention, speaking about everything without a chronological order. He listened silently (to your surprise, as your mind drifted to the way Mizi described him again).

who exactly is this person that everyone thought was "feral"?

[theninthdoor]

jay || career update; tarot reading

To be honest, I wasn't sure if I should do this reading now, given what happened a couple of days ago (the history thing). All I could pick up on was the incident + what's happening behind the scenes because of it, and nothing else. After some consideration, though, I decided to move forward with it, since I knew some people would be asking about this issue and how Jay's dealing with it. So, here it is… A couple of weeks from now I might take another look at it and see if he has anything else going on, but this is all we've got for the moment.

⭒ Present of his career:

cards: four of swords, page of pentacles reversed (eight of cups), three of wands

Although there are plans being made and action being taken, he's not directly involved in any of that, for the time being, at least. Instead, he seems to be taking some time off to rethink his currents goals and efforts, as some mistakes have been made due to foolishness and irresponsibility from his part. Honestly, there's not a lot to be said here besides: he made a mistake; they told him to stay out of the spotlight for a while; he's not really working much these days. However, there are plans for some future project (perhaps a group comeback), and he's still being considered for that! Given the circumstances, the company is most likely putting in a little extra effort just to make sure they get the best results possible, the public is happy, and everything goes back to normality.

⭒ How he’s feeling about it:

cards: the sun reversed, two of cups reversed, queen of cups (the temperance)

Jay's feeling a mix of embarassment and confusion. He's finding it hard to see the bright side of the situation he's currently in; he doesn't see how he can ever recover completely from this. I do feel like he's apologetic for not being more careful and thoughtful with his words, but, at the same time, he feels like people didn't even try to understand his point of view and went straight into attacking him. He's also probably dealing with some scolding from his company, and they may be painting his future a little murkier that what it might actually turn out to be like. I also feel like, while things don't seem great right now, he's trusting that his fans will have his back and will keep supporting him, thus allowing him to continue on with his activities relatively smoothly when it all goes back to normal. He might even be lurking on the internet to find some reassuring messages or posts that will keep him going, and that will confirm to him that he hasn't yet lost total fan support.

⭒ What he sees for the future of his career:

cards: five of pentacles (four of swords), nine of pentacles, the hermit reversed (five of cups)

I think we can expect him to be a little more discreet going forward. He will be avoiding speaking out of turn, and will perhaps even prefer to stick more to the background during group interviews, livestreams, etc. To be able to recover from this (publicly), Jay knows that he has to really show people that he is apologetic and has done some serious introspection and learning about the topic (these could be things that his company has told him to do, too). Still, before he's able to comeback at full steam, he will have to take some time off for a little longer. Or, at least, he will have to avoid calling attention to himself, to give people time to forget about this + so they don't think he's completely thoughtless. And, while he's worried that they will force him to stay out of activities and, consequently, make him lose some money or good job opportunities, he's not thinking that this incident will ruin his whole career. He still sees financial security, a stable career, etc., but some damage control has to be done first. Again, he's trusting the fans' loyalty and understanding to allow him to continue on with his activities as normal.

(Also, I must say: this doesn't mean that he's staying out of activities! This is only what he's thinking might happen, not what the company is actually considering doing.)

(Disclaimer: all readings are alleged and for entertainment purposes only.)

[wackymaci]

long post alert, Musing to Myself about how this is going lmao behind the cut aagh

it IS quite funny to me as I plug along the Maci page that I think this does not read at all like a wiki page like it’s as if at some point I just devolved fully into writing a ficcy little narrative story, like I’m sorry what Wikipedia article sounds like THIS I’m—

(As an aside, 🥺purr)

because of this way I’m writing this it’s all SO excessively long already and I’m only chronologically in circa 2010 so there’s the whole. rest of the decade to follow and part of me wants to go back and chop it all to bits and make it more of a cut and dry shorter summary of events?? it might be More Professional and Less Overwhelming??

but. like. lmao. ugh. my primary motivation is truly to do this first of all as a pet project for MYSELF and so if it’s so scarily long that no one ever even reads it except for me that…… is okay lmao it. is for me. ssso fine.

second of all I’ve said to myself since the Beginning of Creation of Wiki that this is intended to finally serve as THE CONTENT of the elysiumverse, there can never be a webcomic or a chronological book because it’s just too much and so much and so unorganized, so for every time I’ve been asked oh where can I find more of this Well it’s HERE So. How can I possibly strip and condense when there’s nothing else to turn to to see more details other than the once in a blue moon that I illustrate scenes from our forever-unpublished extended canon scripts????

anyway I’m probably not gonna abridge anything but it is so embarassing the way this is turning out I think lmao I . don’t necessarily mind it but it just feels so obscenely long. it’s so sososososoos long. and it’s just one page so far. this is. lmao I LITERALLY cannot imagine anyone wants this besides me but it’s fine,,, its going to have to be fine i was going to end this with like a, HEY QUICK POLL SHOULD I ABRIDGE SOME STUFF OR NOT but running a poll would be stupid cause i already know the answer in my heart is cant do that so. ssooo. lmao aaghkkkk

Anyway shout out to thi paragraph, insane to put on a wiki page,that I refuse to delete or edit in any way?!! as I flashback to Maci’s childhood again-

normal wikipedia article (BUT LIKE I CANT SHORTEN THIS??? I NEED YOU TO SEE INSIDE MACI'S HEAD!!!)

[jacks-manidiary]

Did more research on animism (looked it up and basically just read what people were saying about it) and from what I& gained the more fitting word for what I&'m inclined to believe would be anthropomorphism. Which is a much longer word but the distinction is pretty significant.

Turns out I&'ve been taught a common misconception and the definition of animism is more about believing that the spiritual and the mundane are not distinct or separate. Which, yeah maybe if I& were more spiritual would probably be something I&'d align my& beliefs with, but what I& actually was looking for specifically the belief that every object has a consciousness. Maybe not a physical one, maybe a spiritual one, but hell if I& know how the spiritual world works and I&'m not about to pretend like I& do.

I& did see a pretty good explanation that, while arising from the animist-specific perspective about spirits and whatnot, dealt with the same issue - believing everything has the same mind as you or even most humans around you will just lead you to an identity crisis.

While the post was kind of dismissive of mass-produced objects as not really having souls, which. Okay well maybe souls specifically I& can't speak on that but I& am firmly of the opinion that they have perfectly fine minds. It did raise some good points that I& already tended to believe that many objects simply don't care enough about what you are doing in their presence. That if you do something embarassing, that doesn't necessarily mean that the object will perceive it as such - to it, you would be simply another animal doing animal things.

Another good point that I& actually started believing in way before, and have seen a lot in posic spaces as well, is that many tools like, or at the very least don't mind being used for their purpose. Of course I& can't speak for every object under the sun, especially not when I& can't read their minds or communicate with them, but if your body was made to do some task then you would definitely have a very different view on it from someone with, for example, a human body. To you it would be just a natural thing you do.

Yeah. Nothing new or revolutionary here, and I& may have overrambled, but that's what diaries are for, I& suppose!

[falinscloaca]

content warning discussions of fictional incest and also my brain going on a god damn marathon talking about bullshit discourse social vigilance crap

is reminded of the existence of incest (baki is just. the fucking most. i wasn’t even surprised this shit bleeds freud it would probably beat him up and create its own psychological philosophy. freud two: get wrecked idiot.)

brain enters surveilance mode, realizing i haven’t actually trimmed the weeds of my internet circles in a fucking age and a half. goes to twitter switches the search to “followed only” or whatever and then has to do it again AFTER inserting the buzzword because i’m a dipshit and this interface is too. mostly just finds people offhandedly mentioning bad shit other people are doing, or anger that a promising yuri turned out to be about sisters/cousins/parent-coded-robot-mechanic/etc. the usə (yoo-sh/j, short for usual, hard to convey in text). also someone pointing out that the halimede t4t bit IS effectively just another fucking incest joke. (also somethingsomething popular trans women who were made lolcows or otherwise harassed/discriminated against for unrelated reasons also getting flack FROM OTHER TRANS WOMEN <- CRUCIAL DETAIL for incest kink participation/endorsement/adjacency/etc. that shit i very much enjoy ignoring bc my personal kinda fuckhuge massive problems with the fetishization of such contents is still dwarfed by Systemic Injustice And Transphobia. theres nothing satisfying much less ‘good’ or ‘just’ about someone with a simulative skeleton or two in their closet facing unfair ramifications for completely unfuckingrelated shit. sigh. anyway.) THIS WHOLE FUCKING THIS STARTED AS AN ASIDE FROM MY MAIN POINT *GOD* WHEN I GET LIKE THIS MY MOUTH/HANDS ARE UNSTOPPABLE now that i think about it mom also tends to do this when she gets upset about something more abstract/media-related. huh. i should be more patient with her about that. ANYWAYS I WAS GOING THROHGH <- typo left in for “authen ticity” POSTS FROM PEOPLE I FOLLOW THAT MENTION INCEST. A COMPLETELY NORMAL THING TO DO THAT ISN’T EMBARASSING TO EVEN ADMIT TO WITH THE CONDITION “SO THAT I COULD UNFOLLOW/BLOCK/BRAND FOR EXECUTION ANYBODY WHO CONDONED THAT SHIT” LMFAO. sorry for all caps. it will continue.

SOME NOBODY LAST YEAR WAS PULLING ‘lol yeah writing incest just to make antis mad instead of the characters actually having chemistry is soooo lame haha i’ve got that good stuff 😘😘’ TO SOMEONE ELSE THEYRE FOLLOWING AND I. GOD I DO NOT FUCKING KNOW WHY I’D BEEN FOLLOWING THEM. LIKE THEY WERE FOLLOWING TWO OTHER MUTUALS OF MINE. WHO THE PISS WERE YOU WHERE DID I MEET THIS ABSOLUTE CATASTROPHE

[tera-91]

More word salad

I know I just posted today, maybe yesterday depending on when I decide to post this. I was torn. What should I do with my time? If the last several days were any hint I probably wouldn’t be getting to sleep anytime soon.

I could be productive. I could go to my computer to do one of many things.

I could edit my youtube videos. But Im stuck. The video Im working on got a little garbled. The video is there but the audio is either lost or im not sure where it goes as I recorded it in several sessions. Unfortunately, I cant scrap it as it is part of a series and the remaining videos I recorded follow that. Should I just skip it for now and at least get the follow up videos edited?

I don’t really want to do that as I just spent im not sure how long. At least a few hours recording more of the series today. Im a bit spent on the topic.

I could go to my computer to work on another project but that would require talking. There is so much background noise as I live with other people. It wont work. Or at least I feel like it wont. That and I don’t really feel like talking in general. Its times like this that I wish I lived alone. I could make sure there was no background noise. Or at least no one would ask me why Im up at 3 in the morning talking to myself.

I could go to my computer to write. Which I am doing that but I mean should probably work on scripts. I want to do other content than what Im doing now and it would require scripts. Ive done it before but it takes so long to write, check over the script, record it, edit the audio as sometimes its takes a few tries at a line and then edit the video. If I did that I would only release a video every month, maybe every other month. Which doesn’t work for building a channel.

I could write a story. But what kind of story? I feel like I haven’t watch sanders sides in such a long time. Or at least I feel like I have lost touch with how I feel the characters personalities are like. Same thing about the ninja turtles. Its been forever and a day since I watched any of the series. Or the movies. It makes me want to just go on my phone and go down a rabbit hole of watching those things over again to get a feel of the personalities. But do I want to do that? I want to get off of just watching endless videos and get productive. Or do I write it anyway? I remember seeing stories before where the author puts ooc for a particular character. Specifically saying that the character is written in a way that is not how they are written canonically. Maybe I should just do that.  

I might do that after I finish writing this. Hey at least over 500 words is a start at something. Even if it is just a word salad of a map in my brain. A map that has been ripped to pieces and somehow transferred to there pieces of paper so some things are inverted and one is trying to put it back together. Probably by the time I am done with this it will be nearly 800 words. A thousand if I am lucky. Something to get my brain started. I loved writing out quick stories thinking they would just be 800 words or less and then they turned into 1500, 2000, sometimes even over 3000 words.

I read nearly all the stories I posted on here today while I had to wait for something. It was as if those words didn’t come from me. Like I wasn’t the writer and I was reading the story for the first time. Im not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. Like I remember writing them, the titles familiar and all but its like I cant believe I wrote them. I don’t know where they came from. But the mild EMBARASSMENT I felt. Maybe its not embarrassment. Im not completely sure of the word but I felt I guess like I shouldn’t be reading them in public even though theres nothing bad or risqué in them. Although some spelling mistakes I realized while reading them were completely embarrassing. But the fluffiness of what I would write. I have no idea where that came from or how to get back to it. It almost made me feel sad. Or maybe disappointed too. The amount of time that has passed. Seeing comments of people wanting to be tagged in a story. I feel like I let them down because I didn’t continue with it. If I continued with it or even started it over and tagged them would they still be interested?

Wow writing that all down makes it sound like I am so sad or depressed. Hell I might be a little depressed. Mostly just disappointed maybe of where I am. A little frustration to. Feeling like my hands are figuratively tied. Wanting something so bad while not wanting it at the same time. Like Im self sabatoging myself while still wishing I had something that I currently don’t. But I swear I am not in the sense that Ive dealt with a time before that was worse than this. I mean literally depressed that I didn’t take a shower but once a week, just went to school and didn’t do nothing else with my days but do homework and laid in my bed. I just feel that if I don’t write this and post it I haven’t done anything. I haven’t started anything. These posts are nothing but pebbles to be moved out of the way so that larger mind boulders can be set free. To open a flood of stories and motivation that I know I have. I feel like I have lost my place but I want to get it back. I want to get myself in a better situation. Don’t get me wrong my situation is not bad I know people have it worse. I just want it to be what is better for me. I have been off and on writing a book for a long time. Longer than I want to admit. I met an author last year. I was lucky to ask for advise and get an answer. He said that I need to bury that book. Write a million words. Come back to that book a better writer. Im not sure how many words my other post was but this post will be atleast another 1000+ words towards that one million. Stream of consciousness writing to figure things out.

Well, I hope everyone had a good April 1! It is so hard to believe that it is April already. Pretty soon it will be my favorite time of year. Here comes the spooky season and no one can tamp down my excitement for what is to come in the fall. If I could I would live where there is perpetual fall weather. Halloween town if it was a physical place I could live. Play almost nothing but spooky season movies and tv shows. Oh you best believe that Lisa Frankenstein is a current fixation of mine. As soon as that comes out on DVD I will have my hands on it so fast and it will be on repeat for DAYS. I will probably watch it the first oh 10 times it plays and about every third time after that at least until Beetlejuice Beetlejuice comes out.

[clethos]

when the city goes silent

@mcyt-yuri-week day 2: au/post-canon

"Can I get a name?" she asks, twirling a pen between her fingers. This part really isn't necessary right now, but- Yeah, Shelby does want to know more about this mystery whirlwind of a woman who swept into Evermoore Café in the middle of the night like something right out of a fairytale. Sue her. "Katherine," the woman says, then immediately claps a hand over her mouth. "I mean- yeah. Katherine. That's me." Shelby writes it on the cup as neatly as she can. Their fingers brush when she hands her the coffee. And as Katherine takes the cup, wrapping her large, scarred hands around it, Shelby is hit with a sudden desperation- a need to keep her in the café, if only for a moment longer. ------ or: nature wives coffeeshop au

Shelby really hates her job sometimes. The just-above-minimum-wage salary isn't quite worth the long hours and the occasional rude customer- but she's got to get by somehow , and they're the only ones who would even consider her after her disastrous stint at the Academy. The one that she's trying not to think about, actually.

So she grits her teeth and smiles wide and she just- keeps going.

Tonight, as usual, isn't too busy- although Evermoore Café is hardly bustling by day either. Its only claim to fame over the Critter City Bakery across the street is that it stays open all night, and even that is a questionable brag considering how few people are up at this time.

But, again- it's the only place that'd take her. And as a college dropout with no social life and a barely-there sleep schedule, it's not like she has anything better to spend her time on, besides obsessively poring over textbooks in the hopes that one day, maybe, the Academy might take her back.

Ha. Like that 'd ever happen. Stratos would freeze over before the Academy would ever deign to let Shelby set foot on campus again.

Okay, that's enough self-pity for the day , she thinks, shaking her head. Wallowing in sadness isn't going to help her situation. And neither will scrolling on her phone, but at least it won't make her feel like shit.

She opens her message app with all the bravery of a cow walking toward the chopping block, and is immediately confronted with dozens of notifications from Joey. Ugh . It's probably something stupid. With Joey it usually is, really-

Someone clears their throat, so unexpectedly and so close to her that she flinches. Her phone slips through her fingers and falls with a thump to the floor.

"Sorry!" Shelby says, quickly picking up her phone and tucking it into her pocket, an embarassed flush rising to her cheeks. "Uh, how can I help you?"

She looks up to see her customer and. Oh. Yeah, she's definitely blushing now.

The woman standing in front of her is tall and muscular, with black lipstick and a long scar across her nose and thick kohl smeared around her eyes. But the smile she offers Shelby is so sweet and genuine it makes her weak at the knees. She feels like she's about to cry.

Jesus, Berry. Get a grip.

"That's alright," the woman says politely. "Can I get- just a black coffee, please?"

"Sure." It's nice to get a break from 'golden caramel honey latte machiatto with two pumps of milk and one of sugar, hold the cream'; her memory's never been great. "That'll be 6.99."

The pretty lady doesn't even blink, just hands over a couple crumpled bills. Shelby turns on the coffee machine and, feeling brave, shoots her a grin. "Can I ask why you've got nothing better to do at-" she peeks at her watch- "1:15 in the morning than buy overpriced coffee?"

"Uh." The woman stutters a little. "I- I don't..."

Shelby, taking pity on her, asks, "Couldn't sleep?"

"Yes! Yes, that's it, that's exactly it. Sleep is for the weak, you know?"

"Sure," Shelby says. The machine beeps; in a few practised motions, she grabs a cup, fills it near to the top, and caps it. She spins it onto the counter with a risky little flourish that would have gotten her in trouble if her supervisor wasn't currently slumped over a table in the back room.

"Can I get a name?" she asks, taking a pen and fiddling with it. This part really isn't necessary right now, but- 

Yeah, Shelby does want to know more about this mystery whirlwind of a woman who swept into Evermoore Café in the middle of the night like something right out of a fairytale. Sue her.

"Katherine," the woman says, then immediately claps a hand over her mouth. "I mean- yeah. Katherine. That's me."

Shelby writes Katherine on the cup as neatly as she can. Their fingers brush when she hands her the coffee. And as Katherine takes the cup, wrapping her large, scarred hands around it, Shelby is hit with a sudden desperation- a need to keep her in the café, if only for a moment longer.

 "I haven't seen you around before," she offers, a lame attempt at keeping the conversation going.

"Oh, yeah, I'm from out of town. Just stopping by." Shelby's face falls, and Katherine must notice because she hurriedly adds, "I'll be back, though! Really soon, actually, I really like it here, I come to Evermoore every day- I mean, every night, for... reasons."

Shelby quirks an eyebrow, intrigued. "What reasons?"

"And," Katherine continues, tripping over her words with how fast she's talking, "this coffee is- so good. Just so good." She takes a sip, and her face immediately flickers through varying states of despair before settling on a slightly strained grin. "So good that I might come back here. Like, tomorrow night? Are you working here tomorrow?"

"Yeah! Yeah, I am." Shelby did not even know it was possible to feel such an immense joy at such a small thing. She really needs more friends.

"I'll see you tomorrow, then," Katherine calls over her shoulder. "Maybe then you could finally tell me your name."

Did she just wink at me?

Shelby watches, dumbstruck, as Katherine waltzes out and the bell on the door jingles and, a few minutes later, a 6.99$ coffee drops into a trash can somewhere.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Alright @respectthepetty I liked this post before I even got halfway through the episode, and have now started getting to the parts that you were referring to at the beginnign of this post about Khang being nothing but a waste of time to Sailom, but I am thinking about the fact that Khang has probably never had anyone really push back against him before. Not intellectually anyway, and that is something I feel like will be a major contributor to Khang changing his tune around Sailom. Because I do not think that Khang has ever been challenged, not truly. People try to stand up to him with words, and then he beats that bravery out of them. It doesn't seem like he has really ever gotten in trouble in school because of who his Dad is, so in my mind, he has started to develop this idea that he is a) someone of great importance and b) untouchable, impervious, etc. when in actuality, he is nothing. He has not acheived anything in school, he will presumably never have to achieve anything at all in his life, simply inheriting his father's money, but he thinks he has because he has power and sway amongst people far older than him at school. People who want to suck up to his father.

But as you said, and as Sailom says himself "There are two types of people in this world. People who are smart, and people who think they are smart" and that's the root of what will shift their dynamic. Because Sailom just embarassed Khang, in front of someone that doesn't really seem to know who he is. Because he is outside of school. Because Sailom volunteers to help the teacher carry books, and suddenly Khang can't do anything but sit there and listen to Sailom be called a kind and smart boy by a teacher, after he has just been spit on. His attempts at retaliation in the first episode seem to be routinely and consistently thwarted, and there is nothing Khang can do to complain about Sailom to teachers to get him in trouble and to have his scholarship rescinded because Sailom turns the situation around in such a way that there is literally no evidence that anything happened, that Sailom has turned the tide. There is no evidence that Sailom has just spit on Khang's shoe, and there is no going to the teacher who is talking to Sailom about how kind he is to complain about it. There is no evidence that Sailom switched the cards.

All of this to say, that Khang has no idea what he has just started, and I for one am going to be very interested in how this plays out in terms of Khangs on interpersonal realizations about his actual importance.

Because I'm making Dangerous Romance my entire personality for the next three months, I need everyone to understand just how smart I think Sailom is, and who would I be without a wild ass theory?

TLWR: Sailom is going to make Kanghan care about him, so he will get good grades because Kanghan's grandma will pay off all his debts and possibly dangle a university scholarship in front of him, but Kanghan will find out and think this was another way someone used him for money, and that Sailom doesn't care about him.

Sailom got away from Kanghan by helping the teacher after the bullying incident. He outsmarted Kanghan at the car wash with the credit card switch. Then, he kissed Kanghan in front of everyone recording.

However, Sailom always understands the assignment and does his homework. Literally. And this is why he is smarter than everyone else.

Sailom is on an academic scholarship. Kanghan knows that.

Kanghan didn't just rip up Sailom's papers to bother Sailom. He did it because no paper = no score = no academic scholarship. Instead of fighting Kanghan, telling a teacher about it, or panicking, Sailom immediately got to work. Even when Kanghan followed him to the cafeteria, and Guy wanted to fight them, Sailom stayed focused.

Because to Sailom, Kanghan is a waste of his time. Sailom has goals greater than that school and knows Kanghan doesn't. It's not worth his time to fight Kanghan because 1) Kanghan can't really lose since he has money and power behind him and 2) Kanghan doesn't really have anything to lose since he doesn't care about anything.

And this is where Sailom will prove he is really smart - he will give Sailom something to care about.

I believe Kanghan is going to break Sailom's laptop because the laptop is the way Sailom does his homework. He even unplugs the computer in the episode two preview because if Sailom can't do his homework, he can't get good grades, and he certainly can't buy another laptop.

So it's really Kanghan's fault that Sailom's accepts the grandmother's offer because he needs money for a new laptop.

They are enemies. Sailom wouldn't want to be around a guy who doesn't care, but when Kanghan gets in trouble (this is the school, so the grandmother will be called there since the dad is busy), she will ask the honor student to tutor her grandson.

But that's the first deal. The one Kanghan knows about.

Because Sailom will lose that job, so either Kanghan doesn't pass his tests (doubtful), or he figures out there is more at stake for Sailom than originally discussed and there is a falling out.

Because the grandma will hire Sailom again after the original deal.

And that's when she offers him the bigger prize that wasn't mentioned in front of Kanghan, and Sailom, who always understands the assignment, will do his homework.

Kanghan asks Sailom why he accepts the offer instead of taking the money and running.

And Sailom answers honestly.

But, once again, I don't think Kanghan understands the extent of the deal. Saving money to pay off a debt versus the grandma willing to pay off his entire family's debt (brother's included if not more, like a university scholarship) is different.

Because the real conflict here is Sailom thinks Kanghan pities him.

And much like Only Friends' Ray, Kanghan will throw money around to control others.

While Kanghan believes people only want him because of his money.

So for a boy who doesn't care about anything in life since he uses money to control others because he thinks he is only wanted for his money . . .

Wouldn't it be smart to give him something to care about that he thinks money can't buy? Like Sailom's love and support? Because daddy will probably buy his way onto the team, which will only hurt Kanghan more.

So it would really hurt if he found out that it was all about the money for Sailom, the one person he thought was above it all.

Or at least for him to think that.