#poor guy just wants to do science

[avelera]

Jayce’s existence in Arcane really explores the horror of what it would be like to be a completely dweeby nerd with the face and figure of a football player

[weaselle]

i want to talk about real life villains

Not someone who mugs you, or kills someone while driving drunk, those are just criminals. I mean VILLAINS.

Not like trump or musk, who are... cartoonishly evil. And not sexy villains, not grandiose villains, not even satisfyingly two dimensional villains it is easy to hate unconditionally. The real villains.

I had a client who was a retired executive for one of the big oil companies, i think it was Shell or Chevron. Had a home just outside of San Francisco that was wall to wall floor to ceiling full of expensive art. Literally. I once accidentally knocked a painting off the wall because it was hanging at knee height at the corner of the stairs, and it had a little brass plaque on it, and i looked up the name of the artist and it was Monet's apprentice and son-in-law, who was apparently also a famous painter. He had an original Andy Warhol, which should have been a prize piece for anyone to showcase -- it was hanging in the bathroom. I swear to god this guy was using a Chihuly (famous glass sculptor) as a fruit bowl. And he was like, "idk my wife was the one who liked art"

I was intrigued by this guy, because in the circles i run this dude is The Enemy. right? Wealthy oil executive? But as my client, he was... like a sweet grandpa. A poor widower, a nice old man, anyone who knew him would have called him a sweetheart. He had a slightly bewildered air, a sort of gentle bumbling nature.

And the fact that he was both of these things, a Sweet Little Old Man and The Enemy, at the same time, seemed important and fascinating to me.

He reminded me of some antagonist from fiction, but i couldn't put my finger on who. And when i did it all made sense.

John Hammond.

probably one of the most realistic bad guys ever written.

If you've only ever seen the movie, this will need some explaining.

Michael Crichton wrote Jurassic Park in 1990, and i read it shortly thereafter. In the movie, the dinosaurs are the antagonists, which imo erases 50% of the point of the story.

book spoilers below.

In the book, John Hammond is the villain but it takes the reader like half the book to figure that out. Just like my client, John is a sweet old man who wants lovely things for people. He's a very sympathetic character. But as the book progresses, you start to see something about him.

He has an idea, and he's sure it's a good one. When someone else dies in pursuit of his dream, he doesn't think anything of it. When other people turn out to care about that, he brings in experts to evaluate the safety of his idea, and when they quickly tell him his idea is dangerous and needs to be put on hold, he ignores his own experts that he himself hired, because they are telling him that he is wrong, and he is sure he is right.

In his mind, he's a visionary, and nobody understands his vision. He is surrounded by naysayers. Several things have proven too difficult to do the best and safest way, so he has cut corners and taken shortcuts so he can keep moving forward with his plans, but he's sure it's fine. He refuses to hear any word of caution, because he believes he is being cautious enough, and he knows best, even though he has no background in any of the sciences or professions involved. He sends his own grandchildren out into a life-threatening situation because he is willfully ignorant of the danger he is creating.

THIS is like the real villains of the world. He doesn't want anyone to die. Far from it, he only wants good things for people! He's a sweet old man who loves his grandchildren. But he has money and power and refuses to hear that what he is doing is dangerous for everyone, even his own family.

I think he's possibly one of the most important villains ever written in popular fiction.

In the book, he is killed by a pack of the smallest, cutest, "least dangerous" dinosaurs, because a big part of why we read fiction is to see the villains face thematic justice. But like a cigarette CEO dying of lung cancer, his death does not stop his creation from spreading out into the world to continue to endanger everyone else.

I think it is really important to see and understand this kind of villainy in fiction, so you can recognize it in real life.

Sweetheart of a grandfather. Wanted the best for everyone. Right up until what was best for everyone inconvenienced the pursuit of his own interests.

And my client was like that too. His wife had died, and his dog was now the love of his life, and she was this little old dog with silky hair in a hair cut that left long wispy bits on her lower legs. Certain plant materials were easily entangled in this hair and impossible to get out without pulling her hair which clearly hurt her. When i suggested he ask his groomer to trim her lower leg hair short to avoid this, he refused, saying he really liked her usual hair cut.

I emphasized that she was in pain after every walk due to the plant debris getting caught in her leg hair, and a simple trim could put an end to her daily painful removal of it, and he just frowned like i'd recommended he take a bath in pig shit and said "But she'll be ugly" and refused to talk about it anymore.

Sweet old man though. Everyone loved him.

[theonottsbxtch]

Secret Sister | OP81

in which lando has a secret sister and oscar falls hard and fast

oscar piastri x norris!reader

fc: sophia birlem

a/n: lol hello this is my first ever smau, everyone say thank you rianna. hope you enjoy this and if you have any requests lmk!

landonorris:

liked by ynnorris, oscarpiastri, maxfewtrell and 1376 more

happy 21st birthday to this gremlin, ig being your big brother is fun or whatever @/ynnorris

*tap to load comments*

userone: i’m sorry i beg your pardon what

usertwo: someone say sike rn

maxfewtrell: lando you’re going to break the internet with this post

userthree: a bit too late

userfour: YOU KNEW?!

ynnorris: guys i’ve been held captive for 21 years. dobby is free!

yourbestfriend: how long have you been waiting to say that?

ynnorris: 3 years

userfive: how did lando manage to pull this off for so long?!

oscarpiastri: you have a sister??

maxverstappen1: lando what?

usersix: it’s the way lando just hardlaunched that he had a sister for me 😭

alex_albon: I KNEW IT

georgerussell63 : i’m so sorry i never believed you

alex_albon: i was onto him back in 2019, you guys just thought i was delusional😞

userseven: moral of the story, always trust alex

ynnorris

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, maxfewtrell and 47 others

hello world. twenty first and graduation? now you guys know who the smartest norris is xx

*tap to load comments*

landonorris: you’re public for one day and you already start publicly bullying me wtf

userone: oh i like her already

usertwo: sorry did i just see she graduated in computer science? from edinburgh? we love an educated queen

yourbestfriend: world’s hottest programmer

ynnorris: get it on a top

yourbestfriend: yes ma’am

userthree: why did she have to wait until her 21st to post? i’m so confused 😭

userfour: maybe lando didnt want her to be in the limelight and now that she’s an adult she’s in control of it?

userthree: oh that makes sense

ynnorris: he just didn’t want people to know that his sister is 100x cooler than him

userfive: yn pls 😭😭😭

oscarpiastri: hello

ynnorris: hello

landonorris: not happening

usersix: oh no poor lando 😭

maxverstappen1: @/landonorris i refuse to believe she’s real, tell her to come to monaco with a birth certificate

imessage

twitter

instagram - ynnorris

liked by landonorris, yourbestfriend, oscarpiastri and 973 others

just arrived to monaco and lan’s ditched me for max, give me recs x

*tap to load comments*

userone: i love that she thinks we’re rich enough to ever be in monaco

usertwo: the waterfront!

yourbestfriend: what happened to “we’ll go together”?

ynnorris: you chose your girlfriend over me 😁

yourbestfriend: she is quite literally graduating today

ynnorris: then don’t complain x

userthree: that’s a few too many suitcases no?

oscarpiastri: the vaundé bakery or the hiking trail

ynnorris: noted 🫡

userfour: something is going to happen between them two i’m calling it now

instagram dms

ynnorris

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, yourbestfriend and 2734 others

i guess i understand why lando left gloomy london for this

*tap for more comments*

userone: where are the insta detectives, is that the bakery oscar recommended

usertwo: it is!

userthree: is that oscar?

oscarpiastri: no

userthree: oh no he’s experiencing his first heartbreak

landonorris: lol

userfour: foul

userfive: she’s living the dream

yourbestfriend: i miss u

ynnorris: come here, lando said i could invite anyone

landonorris: i did not.

ynnorris: do you want mum and dad to find out what happened to the clutch of their old fiesta?

landonorris: @/yourbestfriend what i meant to say is you’re more than welcome

usersix: she’s so effortlessly funny

imessage

ynnorris

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, maxfewtrell and 7610 others

monaco over and out, see you soon 😉

*tap to load comments*

userone: is that oscar??

usertwo: god she is so pretty

userthree: i know oscar’s back when i see it

oscarpiastri: photo credits? 🙄

userfour: i knew it!

ynnorris: the photos are mediocre at best

oscarpiastri: take them down then, copyright 😤

ynnorris: big baby 😤

userfive: wait they’re so cute

maxfewtrell: oh yn

yourbestfriend: he’s going to kill you

landonorris: is that my balcony?

landonorris: answer the phone yn

ynnorris: no x

[i-cant-sing]

Always thinking about when time travelling would be possible, or even the technology to be able to transport into fictional worlds, and im jsut- i cnat stop thinking about a present world reader just time travelling to the past- for science and research, and theres just soooo many eras she could go to right?

Be it the egyptian era, where a Pharaoh is infatuated with her. Reader finally solving the mystery of how they made the pyramids, but also having to deal with the eccentricity of the Pharaohs nature.

The victorian era, the king/queen being obsessed with this heretic reader who came to his court, going to any lengths, including murdering his wife and going against th catholic church.

The Ottoman empire, the Sultan is certainly interested in the new addition to his court, and he wants to make u a part of his harem too, whether u want it or not.

What about the leper king? Poor man has a deadly disease, knows he's gonna die soon, hides his physical appearance because he knows how horrific he looks, and then u come along, mayve you accidentally cure his leprosy, and now the man is OBSSESED with you. (PART 1 is here! PART 2 is here!)

And like different eras that just escape my mind rn, but like do u guys get it? Yandere monarch/ruler is so so so infatuated with you, that even after they discover about your time machine, they destroy it to make u unable to leave.

Grabbing your cheeks, he smiles as he forces you to watch your time machine destroyed.

"You wanted to know about my history. And now, I intend to make you a part of it."

But like I can't decide which monarch/era.

PART 1 is here!

PART 2 is here!

[gremlingottoosilly]

i recently went to the zoo and there was a cheetah who was bonded w this dog and i was imagining maybe monster!konig is in some sort of zoo/science lab thing and he gets bonded w kitten hybrid!reader!!

idk idk lolll i just could not stop thinking abt it

Staying in captivity as researchers are trying to understand how a simple ocean-type hybrid could grow so strong - how a normally pliable monster can be so aggressive and intelligent at the same time; scientists kinda treat him like their prized hound, a really nice and expensive possession they can do whatever they want with. They want to keep the subject happy and compliant with the research - but Konig dismissed any potential companion they brought to him before. Dismissed them violently, often killing poor fucker before the security could do anything. They dropped you in as a wild guess, a suggestion from one of the interns - if Konig gets insanely territorial when faced with hybrids of similar strengths and types, maybe he could do better with a therapy pet, something fluffy, small, and absolutely harmless. Needless to say, the intern was promoted after the first night Konig spent buried between your legs, fucking you for long enough that the whole lab would watch - and he didn't kill you by the end of the day. If anything, he bred you, properly and nicely. If anything, they have just found a way to make him less angry during the checkups - if they allow him to fuck you right before the research process, he would be...almost fine. Almost calm. He bonds with you easily - you're a cat hybrid, small thing, completely harmless. You could do some damage to humans with your claws and teeth, but Konig is off-limits, and you know this. He is fine with you biting and marking him - he searched such affection, he fucking adores it and wants you to do it more. Researchers think they finally found a key to him, that he is finally willing to participate in the experiments... Oh, they couldn't be more wrong. Once Konig gets a taste of how precious his mate is, he starts to think of why the hell he even supports these guys. Winds are changing - and monsters soon will be ruling the society. It's a good thing you already found yourself a protector, right?

[nicka-nell]

We've had Haiykuu toxic traits but can we have their green flags? Especially Sugawara, Oikawa and Kita (and anyone you want to include)?

Hi! Yeees omg I love that! Green flags are lovely. So here we go! 😍💚

Their green flags

Pairing: Iwaizumi x, Oikawa x, Akaashi x, Bokuto x, Sakusa x, Kita x, Atsumu x, Osamu x, Ushijima x, Semi x, Kuroo x, Ennoshita x, Sugawara x, Daichi x reader

Warning: just fluff

IWAIZUMI HAJIME

Iwaizumi likes to include you in everything. He doesn’t do this because he wants to show you off to others, but because he likes having you by his side. Whether it’s at home or when he goes out with friends. 

Well, maybe he wants to tease Oikawa a little about how lucky he is with you and how happy he is. But he would never admit that out loud. 

Even if it rarely happens, but when you argue with others, he always has your back, because nobody makes a fool of his girlfriend. No one is allowed to make you sad or tease you. 

OIKAWA TOORU

Oikawa maintains a healthy and good relationship with his family and is surprisingly responsible for the people he cares about. 

Even if you don’t believe it at first because of his appearance, Oikawa is someone who would share the household chores with you. Taking out the garbage, cooking twice a week, mowing the lawn and vacuuming are things that Oikawa would do so that you don’t have to do all the work alone. 

Actually, he wouldn’t say no to anything if you asked him, but don’t you dare ask him to put the folded laundry away in the closet. The poor guy has no idea how to categorize your clothes. When does he know at what point a sweater is no longer supposed to be put on a hanger and when it should only be folded and put in the closet? It’s a science for him. 

AKAASHI KEIJI

Akaashi is extremely supportive. If you tell him about any plans, he stands behind you or talks to you openly to show his interest. He also stops you in a calm tone if you go a bit overboard and set yourself unrealistic ideas or goals. 

Akaashi is also someone who maintains eye contact. Like… always!   

So when you talk to him, even if it’s just your daily routine, Akaashi listens to you attentively and always looks up to meet your eyes. 

BOKUTO KOUTAROU

Bokuto is such a simple-minded person and so positive. 

But probably his sweetest green flag is that he is always extremely happy to see you. Really, like a little kid getting his favorite ice cream as a present. 

You send him a picture of you during his training? He plays twice as well. You cheer him on in the stands in his jersey? He plays five times better. You’re already at home when he comes back from a hard training session? Oh, he quickly throws his bag away and hugs you from behind, lovingly and firmly, sways lightly with you across the room and enjoys your laughter while he gives you several little kisses on the back of your neck and tells you how much he has missed you. 

SAKUSA KIYOOMI

Sakusa’s green flag is probably something more normal. At least it should be normal. Because he always treats you with respect. Unless you’re really arguing, then he’s just moody and childish. 

But otherwise, it is important to him that you are equal. For him, there is no “better half” in a relationship. He respects you and would never talk down to you. The only thing he would agree to is when people say that there is a stronger partner in the relationship. Biologically, as a man, he is stronger than you in some things, but that’s it. 

KITA SHINSUKE

Once in an official relationship with Kita, he is fully committed to it. Kita weighs it up for a long time and it takes a really long time for you both to get into a relationship, but once you are in one, you can be sure that Kita will do everything to make sure that you are doing well as a couple or later as a family. 

It is important to him that you are happy. That you are both content and can grow together through everyday life and any hurdles. 

Besides this aspect, Kita is also a very hard-working person who never complains about his work, but simply draws a neutral conclusion at the end of the day, or if something great has happened, focuses on this event and very rarely has negative emotions. 

MIYA ATSUMU

Atsumu always compliments you. Even if they are sometimes hidden in teasing comments. 

The blond Miya twin and jealousy? Nah, never. He would never be a boyfriend who would tell you “don’t wear that, it’s too revealing.” Instead, he would look at you with bright eyes, mouth wide open before saying something like “babe, ya look hot as shit in that thing.” Does he sometimes have dirty thoughts? Yes, actually very often. 

Atsumu is also someone who is like your best friend. He loves to make you laugh, fool around with you and just be a kid again. Happy wife, happy life or something like that, right?

MIYA OSAMU

Osamu is an easy partner in many ways. Although he is sometimes childish towards his brother and even his closest friends, he is often very mature towards you. 

He always tries to include you in his plans. Aran invites him to a party? Osamu first asks if you can come too. Suna asks him if he wants to come over to play? He first asks you if you have any plans for that day and if it would be fine for you if he went to his friend’s house for a few hours. Not that you would forbid him. He knows that you have no problem with that, but he would like to let you know just to be on the safe side. 

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI

Ushijima is blunt. But at the same time, he is also very honest. So if you get stuck or need an honest opinion, you know that Ushijima will always give you his straightforward opinion. 

Although it’s probably hard to imagine, Ushijima is a very responsible person who cares about the close friends and family (even if he doesn’t show it directly). You don’t have to remind him to take out the trash, for example. When the dryer beeps because it’s finished, he doesn’t wait until the beeping stops, instead he gets up and turns off the dryer and folds the dry clothes (even if he swears a hundred times because he doesn’t understand women’s clothes at all).

Ushijima may not understand when you have an emotional outburst, but he takes you in his arms and strokes your back. Wordlessly, because he never knows what to say, but at least he’s physically there for you. 

SEMI EITA

Semi is a good and attentive listener. When you tell him something, he doesn’t have a phone in his hand or do anything else. His attention is fully focused on you. With his eyes fixed on you, he waits and lets you finish until you look at him so that he can answer you. 

Even when you’re out, Semi is attentive to your body language. If he notices that you feel uncomfortable, he always puts his hand gently on your lower back or tries to involve you in conversations so that you don’t feel alone. 

KUROO TETSUROU

Kuroo’s green flag is probably the mix of adult behavior and somehow childish moments. 

Sometimes he teases you, but not meanly, more to make you laugh. He teases you when you’re sulking about little things so that your mood quickly lifts again. 

If you are really arguing and it is obvious that the conversation could escalate, you have a codeword that Kuroo usually uses and with this word you both stop arguing. You both take a deep breath and it is usually Kuroo who will come to terms with you, even if you started the argument. 

ENNOSHITA CHIKARA

Ennoshita is someone you can’t really argue with. He always tries to resolve conflicts calmly and in a healthy way. When you argue, it usually happens in such a way that you sit down together. He listens to your view of things and he tells you his point of view and then it ends with both of you reflecting and apologizing. 

Ennoshita is also very tidy around the house and willingly shares the chores with you. 

Moreover, Ennoshita is someone who is not jealous because he trusts you completely. 

SUGAWARA KOUSHI

Sugawara’s green flag is probably a mix of his humor, which always cheers you up and motivates you in sad moments, and his adult, sensitive personality. 

Sugawara can tell from the tip of your nose whether you are in a good or bad mood. If you are sad, he always tries to cheer you up with funny jokes, gives you a hug and literally attacks you with cuddles. 

If you text him that you have your period and want him to buy you tampons or pads, he won’t be disgusted or refuse because buying these products is “not manly”, but will buy them without hesitation and give them to you, making sure to get exactly the right size or the pads that have these little wings. Would you like a hot water bottle and a cup of tea? No problem, Sugawara treats you like a princess and pampers you with everything you need. But let’s be honest, that’s what he does 24/7, anyway.  

SAWAMURA DAICHI

Daichi is extremely responsible and mature. If anything happens, whether you’re feeling bad, you need someone to pick you up from a party or you have to go to appointments together, Daichi is there and you never feel like you’re alone because he’s always your main pillar of support. 

He’s never forgotten an appointment, whether it’s your anniversary, when he always buys you flowers, or your birthday, or night-outs with friends. Every appointment is in his head... probably every appointment is also saved on his phone, but that doesn’t matter. He remembers them all. 

He’s also not jealous at all. It’s probably because he’s quite mature, but Daichi has no problem with you talking to other men or having male friends. After all, you are his girlfriend for a reason. He knows that you love him and he has nothing to worry about. 

[toto-the-cactus]

Primarchs + Daughters

My perception of how each Primarch would behave when nosediving into parenthood if they had daughters. Enjoy!

I wanna personally thank @moodymisty because a great deal of their works inspired this piece.

Part 1 - Part 2

Lion El’jonson

The embodiment of 'tough love' made man. Having a daughter doesn’t do much to soften this guy… or at least that’s what others believe. The Dark Angels Legion are probably the only ones aware of the small gestures the Primarch often gives to his little girl in the safety that privacy offers. Where Lion lacks words of compassionate and parental love, he appropriately makes up for it with actions. He isn’t one to go over the top and prefers to give modest gifts to his daughter as the last thing the man wants is to raise a spoiled brat. Father-daughter bonding time can be summarized with strenuous training using the sword. This man will not let his precious Princess go through life without learning how to protect herself, even if he has made an oath to forever shield her too.

Fulgrim

The complete antithesis of Lion. Where this man views the Emperor as the perfection anyone should strive to reach, his beautiful daughter comes close to the second place in fulfilling that ideal. There’s a big fat chance that he teared up a little when his little gem called him Papa for the first time, but managed to wear his ever unshakable mask because he absolutely refuses to break character even in private. Has the mistaken notion that his baby is a blank canvas ready to be painted to its fullest potential; aka, molding her to what HE wants and expects of her. Fulgrim probably spoils her rotten but only through conditions that she must follow, as the Primarch understands the importance of fighting and earning for what you wish to obtain. He makes sure that any of his gene-sons are in her company as he refuses to let even a single scratch happen to his little girl. Honestly, a grown-up version of Fulgrim’s child has the chances to go both opposites of the spectrum with no in betweens: A shy aristocratic lady who is unable to speak her own mind or a completely haughty, sharp and manipulative noble woman. Too much to unpack there, yo.

Perturabo

(Slaps this bastard's head loudly) This bad boy can fit so much family trauma in it! Okay no but seriously, there’s a good reason why so many people agree that this bitch has a thing for gilded cages and all the fucked up poetry that comes with it. The good ol’ classic Greek tragedy of Medea. Perturabo may have big and insane expectations for his gene-sons but when it comes to having a daughter? The apple of his eyes. The sunshine of his life. For this Primarch, his little princess is the only living thing in the entire universe that loves him genuinely and unconditionally, making his love the equivalent of a child crushing a bird between his hands. While still easy to anger and with a resting-bitch face, he is incredibly tame and careful with his girl; always making sure that she is well versed in all kinds of science and engineering that could easily label her as a genius (but we all know how stressful can be to try and live up to big expectations). Most of his Legion finds the child either an annoyance or don’t even care enough beyond the factual point of her being the child of their mighty Primarch, beyond that? This poor girl is probably the loneliest child to ever grace the world. Remember that I referred to this like the Tragedy of Medea? Yeah…

Jaghatai Khan

Probably one of the few best papa-tier out there. This man will see his little daughter and think the only thing a good parent should do: To love and guide. He’ll be not afraid to say “I love you” to his baby girl no matter where they are, but he’ll know when to be stern and wise so she grows to be a fine and humble woman. Honestly, this guy would learn how to make a sling just for the single purpose of having his precious princess close while also being excited to teach her how to ride on a horse like he did in his childhood. The thing that makes this dude the best in this list is that if his daughter ever expresses to follow a different path in life like becoming a remembrancer or anything that doesn’t involve the Imperium, this Chad of a man will look deep into her eyes and tell her that he’ll support her no matter what. The only thing he asks is that she stays in contact as he’ll miss her terribly. Kudos to him, fr.

Leman Russ

Another one for the ‘tough love’ guys list, yo! On his defense! Hear me out… in his defense, this guy was literally raised first by Fenrisian wolves before even knowing what a proper bath entailed, so of course he’ll sometimes be a bit too much on his poor little baby girl. Roughhousing was his best first approach to teach her how to fight, trying to make his little pup have some proper backbone worthy of being called the child of a Primarch. Sometimes he’ll get carried away (either with words or actions) and is in those moments when Leman would learn what genuine and heavy guilt feels like; a very alien emotion for someone as brutal and fierce as he is. There’s no worse feeling than knowing that you are the reason behind your daughter’s tears. No one would ever say it out loud, but the way this giant of a man apologizes is by slowly and silently hugging his little girl while pouting until she hugs him back. He may suck at expressing verbally his love towards his baby, but actions are his best way to communicate and this is something his daughter eventually learns and accepts from him. Forgot to add that the entire Space Wolves Legion are not only suffocatingly protective of their Primarch’s child, but everyone takes turns when she asks them for piggy-rides or let her braid their hair.

Rogal Dorn

I don’t wanna be too mean to this poor man but lord have some mercy, trying to squeeze any emotion that doesn’t range to watching paint dry from this damn guy is already a miracle on its own. He’s probably the kind of dude that’ll leave his poor daughter in the care of his astartes and serfs while he works. Workaholic in bold, yo. It literally will take watching his poor little princess cry her eyes out for him to attempt some bonding time but man he just sucks at trying not to have a stick up his ass (Again, I’m not trying to be mean but god this is painful). This is the kind of man, besides Guilliman, that will search high and low for some paternity books to help him. At the end this father-daughter relationship can be salvageable by having a heart to heart between them both and even then, is the poor girl the one that gives more than she receives. Honestly, any daughter from Dorn has the patience of a saint. Besides this Primarch's ineptitude to properly communicate his feelings, everything else doesn’t change the fact that he loves his little princess and will do anything to make her as happy as possible so he gets some brownie points for the try.

I'll later write the second and third part of this, I swear <333

[marknee]

bts fanfics i personally think shakespeare would lose his job over in the 1500’s.

chapter i. ✷ chapter ii.

KEYS ON SEVERITY OF SHAKESPEARE’S STATE:

( ✮ ) — poor sod is on the floor. perhaps it’s shock?

( ♬ ) — he’s jealous he didn’t write this himself. well, it sucks to suck, mate.

( ✎ ) — currently handing him a tissue. give him a second.

( ♛ ) — both him and i lost our jobs. her majesty is ruthless.

THE SHAKESPEARE SERIES.

WARNING: keep in mind, some of these authors are very strict on the rule that no minors should read their work if they’re underage, and i will honour that. but, at the end of the day, i am not your parent. so, there’s that. but heed my warning wisely. any smut or 18+ content is highlighted in bold.

NOTE: without further ado, this are the fanfics that i think would cause shakespeare to lose his job: the first of many essays. let’s bring the guy to his knees. metaphorically.

⠀

⠀

( ♛ ) THE BODYGUARD — by @rmnamjoons

!! bodyguard!namjoon x reader | 62.9k !!

bodyguard au, romance, smut, fake dating, slight angst if you squint, lil bit of violence.

firstly, we’re starting off strong. i present to you, the mother of all namjoon fanfics. and she’s a bad bitch. tbh, i feel like this fic needs a moment of silence just to relish in her glory. soak it all up. it’s essential.

this fic genuinely had me gobsmacked at how incredibly written it is. it delves into every detail and no aspect of the story is left dry. you can tell the author put their everything into creating this world you just submerge into. and it shows.

the world building is amazing, the characters are so thought out, and it feels like you’re just on this adventure with them and discovering their story as it plots out.

also, the build up to the smut? out of this world. that’s one thing i love about this fic: it doesn’t feel rushed. everything is very spaced out and takes it’s sweet time, so when you get to the chocolately nut of the ferrero rocher, it’s like gold and well earned. and you can enjoy it.

honestly, it’s been months since i read this and i think about it every day. i did do some research (for my own peace of mind) and this fic is longer than the perks of being a wallflower. and is it better? yes. sorry not sorry.

this work of art deserves to be read and loved. and i rest my case, your honour.

⠀

( ✎ ) UNTIL THE LAST STAR FALLS — by @minniepetals

!! underworld lords!bts x shield!reader | 44.4k !!

reincarnation!au, poly!au, gods!au, unrequited love, minor character death, car accidents.

quick question — for science — how does one happen to lose all their memories without any sustaining any internal or external injuries? because the things i would do to read this again for the first time. and i do not use those words lightly.

this was my first ever ‘longer’ written fic. and if i’m being honest, i never really liked to read them because i have the attention span of a goat. but this fic lures you in from the very start and time slips away like smoke. to say, it definitely left its mark on me.

it’s so brilliantly written and you feel connected to the characters both mind and soul. you want the best for them, you want to save them, you actually want to crawl into the pages (or screen) and fucking help them out. and that sold it to me, i think. just the sheer love for these characters.

i balled when i read the last few sentences. i didn’t want it to end. i think i finished it at three in the morning and sent a voice note of me crying to my friend. tmi? well, now on my christmas list is 7 hot boys in the underworld who would risk their everything for me. and i, them.

worth every single second. trust.

⠀

( ♬ ) WARM THIS WINTER — by @jamaisjoons

!! seokjin x reader ft. ex-boyfriend jungkook | 51.6k !!

christmas!au, vacation!au, angst, fluff, smut (18+).

one thing about solaris, is she never misses. if i could, i think i’d recommend every fanfic she ever put out, but that’s too much effort for me when you could simply click her masterlist. so, i’ll wait here for you to do that. make sure you come back though.

love. sure, there are hundreds- perhaps, thousands of fics on this app about it. so what makes this one different? well, that’s just it. the sorrowful honesty of love. knowing when it’s over, and when it’s blooming in the midst.

i’ve never been in love, but frankly, this fic really spelt it out for me. the pain, the joy, the lingering memories after everything is said and done. it’s all there. and it really settles in your heart as you near the end.

this work pulled on every single heartstring of mine, stamped on them, and then proceeded to sew anew for the future to bring its own miseries. and i enjoyed it more than i can say (or type).

give this a read if you need just that bit of spark in your life. and that bit of sadness, too.

⠀

( ✮ ) STRIKE A CHORD — by @snackhobi

!! yoongi x reader | 15.8k !!

smut (18+), pianist!yoongi.

i don’t know what it is about this fic, but i come back to it whenever it pops up in my mind during my day. i’ll immediately unlock my phone and open this app, knowing i’ll feel better when the last word is read. and i feel content.

the atmosphere in this fic, if i may, feels as though you’re trapped in a warm, safe bubble with hazed music in the distance and soft light spilling through the thin layer of the bubble— not too dark, but enough to make you feel drowsy and peaceful. perhaps that’s why i return to it so often. i like how it makes me feel.

yoongi as an artist is already enough to make a person swoon, but as a pianist? i need a lie down. a cold towel to the head. just the whole characterisation of him in this fic needs a whole separate essay in itself, but you’ll understand my point when you read it.

forever a comfort fic, i think. and forever a comfort person. double whammy. case closed.

⠀

( ✎ ) THE END — by @jimlingss

!! seokjin x reader | 31k !!

fifty percent fluff, fifty percent angst, loosely inspired by to all the boys i’ve loved before.

i say this with my whole chest: i have never underestimated the amount of emotions you can experience during a fanfic, until i read the end— both literally and metaphorically. shock horror.

this fanfic takes you through the adventure of the reader learning of what her future would commence if she were to marry either one of the six members. best part? she’s led through this rollercoaster journey by the ghost of kim seokjin.

first impression to such an offer? sign me the fuck up. i mean, what more could you ask for? however my final impression went a bit more on the lines of what the fuck just happened. very different ends of the spectrum, if you ask me.

i decided to hand both shakespeare and i a tissue after this great piece of art was finished because not only was i sobbing, he was on the floor knowing his romance play of pericles could never live up to such an incredible story.

this fic was a rollercoaster i would be delighted to get onto for another ride.

⠀

( ✎ ) A UNIVERSE TO YOU — by @readyplayerhobi

!! soulmate!hoseok x reader | 41k !!

fluff, angst, smut (18+), soulmates!au.

shakespeare once said (according to google), “it is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves,” and if this fic wasn’t a soulmate!au, i think i would’ve agreed in some sorts. but as it is, in fact, a soulmate!au, i’m obliged to disagree. it was destiny i read this fic, hand on heart.

i was not expecting this fic to hit me in the feels as hard as it did. as you can tell by the other works listed in this essay of recommendations, soulmate!au’s come up a lot. and with a lot of the same plots flying around on this app, it’s hard to make one stand out. but this author definitely has a gift.

everything was so richly created it made you feel full. of wonder, of love, and of want. it made you crave it for yourself. and that’s what i love about this fic. it just makes you feel… good. and with the unfortunates of life currently, it’s one to get your head stuck in for some temporary relief.

dream soulmate? he’s right here, people. just enjoy the story and all the feels that float around your body. go on.

⠀

( ✮ ) BUNNY — by @btssmutgalore

!! jungkook x fem!reader | 46.5k !!

non-idol!au, camboy!jk, friends to lovers, smut, angst.

let’s start here: never judge a book by its cover. a quote by george eliot going all the way back to the 19th century, and one i would use to describe this series as a whole, and my first impressions towards it.

this series, although unfinished (i think), has exceeded my expectations of a good smut outlined by a good plot. the best of both worlds, if you might. i came out of this series deeply in awe of the writing and the clear imagery the author manages to create within your own mind.

additionally, bunny was the beginning for me in learning about the world of camboys and camgirls(?), but i was greatly surprised. often, people are unkind to the new and stick to what they’re accustomed to, afraid of what the unknown might bring — me, included.

but, i’m glad i took the risk because i received three great things in return: a beautiful fanfic, knowledge of something that was foreign to me, and an author whose work i admire and shall be returning to in the future.

perhaps what i’m getting at is this could be a lesson to all. take a risk of something unknown because who knows? maybe something great will come out of it, and you’ll learn something. i did.

⠀

( ♬ ) SEOUL UNDERGROUND — by @hunniejimins (ao3)

!! namjoon x jungkook x f!reader | 300k !!

mafia!au, enemies to lovers, violence, slow burn, love triangles, mob boss!namjoon, smut, heavy angst.

it’s ironic really. i found this work by someone else’s recommendation, and now i’m passing on the favour and recommending it to you, dear reader. it’s funny how the world works.

this work is the perfect balance of fantasy and reality and i love it. you’re hit with the beauty and clouded haze of love before being smacked back into the world at the realisation the very person you’re in love with, is a mafia mob boss and his killer mate. a real fun-sponge, i tell ‘ya.

nevertheless, this book kept me up early morning and late evening reading. it keeps you hooked, wanting, and hungry for more.

it’s nothing less of a masterpiece.

⠀

( ✎ ) CREAM AND SUGA — by @snackhobi

!! yoongi x barista f!reader | 14.8k !!

coffee shop!au, barista!au, fluff, nfsw (18+).

@snackhobi is mentioned twice on this list. though, can you blame me? it’s just a good thing shakespeare and this author don’t exist in the same century. it would be absolute carnage but nobody is ready for that conversation.

this author has a talent of portraying yoongi in the most irresistible way possible. i swear, i fall in love with him all over again reading. i wish you understood.

the whole misunderstanding section made me laugh because haven’t we all been there? the crushing pain and overwhelming guilt of having a crush on someone you can’t have. it’s all too real, seriously. been there, done that (unfortunately).

especially having the holidays just past, this is a perfect fic for a warm evening in, while the coldness of winter storms past outside. such a cute fic. love, love, love!

⠀

( ♛ ) LOST AND FOUND — by @taleasnewastime

!! seokjin x reader | 21.2k !!

strangers to lovers, fluff, angst, sfw.

everyone says they have a fanfic that changed them, whether they’re being hyperbolic or brutally honest. and in my case, it’s a matter of both latter and former.

a couple months ago, i reached what i thought was rock bottom regarding my mental state and i took to my imagination to save me from the daily hell of my own mind. and this book was one i never really forgot about.

everything this author wrote within this fic was honest, heartfelt and very, very real. from the way you don’t just go up after going through something, but fall occasionally and sometimes feel as though you’re back at square one, to the way that there definitely is hope in the dark moments, and a light at the end of the tunnel. albeit a very faint one.

it comforted me in a way and reminded me of what i thought to be lost. fruitless, even. but sometimes, it’s books like these that open our eyes to things we’ve forgotten during times of turmoil: the simple goodness of life. and of people.

“if you’re going through hell, keep going.” winston churchill.

⠀

( ✮ ) CANDYLAND — by @honeymoonjin

!! seokjin x reader ft. elf!jk | 13k !!

thriller, angst, fantasy, husband!jin, some cursing.

my mother is the biggest thriller fan. not that you needed to know that, but she is. and she’s not ashamed of it either. she’ll let you know if she’s reading a really good thriller in the moment. trust me, you’ll know.

me? not so much. i’m more of a sappy, hopeless romance, happy ending kind-of-sod — if you haven’t already guessed from this list. but there’s a reason this fic is on the list, too.

this fic genuinely kept me on the edge of my seat- uh, bed. the secrets of what darkness lingered behind the happy exterior of this adventure trip gripped my eyes to the screen, and lord, was it worth it.

throw a bit of husband!seokjin in there too? what more could you want! and written by @honeymoonjin? what a win.

let’s just say after this fic i added a few other thrillers to my basket. and happily reported to my mum i was a changed woman. okay, i’m exaggerating, but you get my point. it was incredible.

⠀

( ✎ ) LILY LUCK — by @gguksgalaxy

!! yoongi x reader | 10.7k !!

soulmates!au, angst, fluff if u squint, very slight implicit sexual content, anxiety.

although this fic may be the shortest on the list, do not underestimate its power. it is still as mighty as the others— perhaps, even more so.

i think the main emotion i want to hone into concerning this fanfic is compassion. it sinks into your bones and surrounds your entire being like a unwanted hug. and you can’t even stop it.

the author does a good job of making you feel intense compassion for the reader — who so desperately wants to meet her soulmate. which makes the ending that much more satisfying.

this is for those who’re lonely, need a pick up, or those who’re hopeless romantics and believe in love belonging to fate, such as myself.

“expectation is the root of all heartache.” william shakespeare. talking of the devil, he would definitely cry over this fic. either of bubbling emotions, or the fact he didn’t write it himself. sucks really. for him, not for me.

© marknee, 2023. all rights reserved.

[lets-try-some-writing]

You know the book/movie The Martian? What if that happened in the Earth and Unicron Au? A NASA mission gone wrong gets an astronaut stranded on Mars' surface with no way home or even to communicate with Earth, at least those with NASA, not Earth herself. Would Mars want to help or hinder this poor lost soul that just wanted to go home? I'm pretty sure Earth wouldn't appreciate that one of her children died on Mars and he could have prevented it. Though if I'm being honest, with how Mars' citizens died, I doubt he would try to get the little fleshy killed.

A quick little fic was required for this ask.

━━━━━━ ⊙ ❖ ⊙ ━━━━━━━━━━━━

Being the first astronaut to be sent to Mars should have been an honor, an accomplishment just as great as the Moon landing. But Gabriel always knew deep down that something was bound to go wrong. Something  always went wrong. The Russians sent dogs into space first for a reason. NASA however didn’t seem to care as much for human life now that they supposedly had space travel down. They wanted someone on Mars before China could get a man up there, and they were willing to go to any lengths to do so.

Gabriel wasn’t the first pick for the Mars mission. There had been two others chosen before him, but Abigail Knight had dropped out of the running for unknown reasons. Her runner up, Horace Gail, had been removed from the mission after he was discovered drugged to high heavens in his apartment a few weeks before he was meant to get on the rocket. That left Gabriel, the only other astronaut who actually knew the controls and went through the year-long preparation program to get used to living on Mars via simulation. 

He wasn’t exactly thrilled to be given the mission. Sure, he always wanted to travel to other worlds, but going with a crew that hadn’t run the simulation just felt risky. Personally, he would have preferred to dog out of the mission entirely and let the honor of first landing go to another astronaut if it meant he’d have a fully trained crew with him.

But again, NASA really wanted their man on Mars. So despite the risks, Gabriel found himself suited up, strapped into the rocket, and thrown into space. It was surreal. And quite frankly, the trip went far faster than he expected. Supposedly the science guys on the ground had made some sort of breakthrough that allowed for short range ‘skips’ as they called them. The shuttle would have momentary bursts of speed that allowed it to skip over huge portions of space without burning excess fuel. There was a lot of science involved, and Gabriel liked to think he knew his tech, but looking at the engines, he didn’t know what the hell was going on.

Strange blue liquid powered the whole thing. He was told not to touch it, and he obeyed without question. None of the crew knew what it was, or what all the strange ‘skips’ were about. But of course, NASA’s mission came first. So Gabriel wasn’t given time to question. The moment they were within range of Mars, a message was sent back and Gabriel was loaded up with an American flag and the express mission of getting to the surface in one piece and plopping it down. The looks he got from the crew indicated they really didn’t care if he made it back or not.

Very comforting indeed. This was why he would have preferred a team who’d run the simulation.

“Ready Gabriel?” The woman in the control room spoke through Gabriel’s in-built communicator as he stood before the hatch leading to the void outside. He sighed before replying.

“Ready. Let’s get this show on the road.” The woman laughed over the link. Gabriel never bothered to learn her name. It would have been nice to know now that he thought about it.

No time for regrets. His grand mark on humanity’s history was before him.

“Good luck! Doors opening in 3, 2, 1-” The woman’s voice was cut off as the hatch opened. Gabriel expected the rapid pull into space as the hatch decompressed, but it was still startling to be dragged toward the surface of Mars by the drone NASA assigned. Once upon a time, Astronauts got to the surface in pods. But in an attempt to save resources or something along those lines, now drones were the way forward.

Gabriel patiently endured his descent to the planet’s surface, his suit absorbing the worst of the shock as he adjusted to the gravity. He made a show of his first few steps, knowing the crew was watching from above. He planted the flag, repeated his scripted words, and then looked back up to the ship. He activated the link, trying to signal for pickup. All he got in return was static.

“Hey, console lady, what the hell is going on up there? I’m ready for pickup already.” Gabriel hit his communicator again, but no matter how hard he tried to get the signal through, he got nothing back. He watched on in growing horror as the shuttle hovered above him, and then slowly, its thrusters activated.

“Wait! Hold on! I’m still down here!” He screamed, not caring if his oxygen levels were in peril or not as he tried to wave his arms. Something had to have gone wrong. System failure perhaps? They couldn’t be leaving him. That wasn’t part of the simulation or NASA’s plan.

No response. The shuttle sped off, ‘skipping’ into the distance. Gabriel felt cold dread settle in his very soul. He ran through a thousand reasons why something might have gone wrong or why they might have been leaving him, but in the end, after about an hour of warring with himself… he knew the reason.

He was the dog sent into space. He was NASA’s little test to see if travel was safe and possible. They were leaving him behind. 

Gabriel cursed, he screamed, uncaring of how much oxygen he had left. He was going to die. He’d been left to rot on a world so far from home that Earth was practically a blimp in the distance. After everything he’d done in his life, this was how it was all going to end.

Alone.

Abandoned.

Why did the world despise him so-

“Hello!” Gabriel froze in his lamentations. He stood up from where he was seated on the ground sorrowfully regretting everything and looked around. There wasn’t a person, but there was… a rover?

“You look rather lost! Dad sent me out to see if I can help! Aunty is quite upset about this whole mess!” The rover was green, a rather bright hue. Its light glowed red, highly unusual. Gabriel didn’t recognize it, at least not at first. But soon enough, he began to remember the design. The rover was an old model, one of the ones sent out in the early 2000s. The paint was different, and last he recalled, the rover didn’t have any pre-recorded voice lines. But he knew this model, and it was clearly the one and only Spirit.

“Sheesh, you are going to run out of air at this rate! Let’s get you inside until Aunty can get Uncle Moon to send someone out to get you!” The rover rolled closer, prompting Gabriel to step back instinctually. He didn’t have time to run before the rover changed. Its wheels compacted, its entire frame contorted in a series of swift and smooth motion. In an instant, he found himself dwarfed by some type of robot, one which smiled down at him with bright red eyes, eager perhaps.  Gabriel knew for a fact NASA would have never let something like this rot out on Mars. It had to be something new, something strange and potentially dangerous.

“Oh hell no-!” He attempts to run, but the former rover grabbed him before he could and held him gently, almost like a precious stone. Gabriel was too startled to fight as the thing he knew to be Spirit quickly began walking with him in hand.

“Don’t be scared little guy! Dad will get this all sorted out!” Spirit smiled gleefully, its voice ringing out deeply but strangely like a child. Gabriel couldn’t speak, not as he saw more of the robotic beings approaching. There were seven others, and one by one, he noted their designs.

Sojourner, Marie Curie, Curiosity, Opportunity, the chinese model, and a few others. Each walked on two legs, each smiled, and each and every one of them regarded Gabriel with childlike interest. 

“Dad! We got him!” The rover held Gabriel up, grinning ear to ear, not that it had ears. Gabriel for his part screamed as the ground shifted like some sort of hangar bay, revealing a passage down into the very ground. He floundered as all the rovers walked into the passage, not at all afraid. Spirit soothed Gabriel with a few hushed words.

“Shh… Uncle Moon will send a drone to get you soon. You can stay with him and his colony until Auntie figures out how to get you back without trouble! So don’t worry Cousin! Everything is going to be alright!” Gabriel gawked as he was carried into the passage. He had no words, all he could do was stare in awe as something straight out of a sci-fi film played out before him.

—

“Mars, is he well?”

“Yes Earth, your explorer is safe. My little ones are keeping him company.”

“Good. Take care of him for me. I will try to reach out to Primus’s chosen to see if he might aid me.”

“Of course.”

[sp0o0kylights]

No Upside-Down AU

"It's called the Creel House."

Steve groaned. Then groaned again when Dustin produced a binder full of papers, many sticking out at odd angles. He dropped it down on the counter, the thing making an audible "thunk!" 

Robin shot a look over her shoulder from where she stood, restocking the kids cartoon aisle. 

Steve had a feeling he should have volunteered to do it instead. 

"It's Halloween, Steve.” Dustin snarked, rolling his eyes dramatically. “ We're too old to go trick or treating!"

Ah yup, there was that incoming headache, the same one he got whenever Dustin stormed in with a half baked idea. 

At least this one didn’t involve tramping around tunnels and stumbling over a pack of feral dogs. 

"So you jump right from collecting candy to, what, conducting a fricken seance in a haunted house?" Steve retorted, running a hand through his hair. 

A part of him wanted to pull it, but his parents had rid him of that habit long ago. 

Dustin scoffed. "We're not conducting a seance.” He said, like that was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. “We're gonna do science experiments." 

"On ghosts!” 

“Come on, Steve!” Dustin whined, his voice pitching up in the way it did when he might not get his way. That meant he’d probably already told his poor mother Steve was involved, just like he always did. 

Not that Steve couldn’t completely blame him for doing it. 

Between Will Byers getting abducted, found, thought dead, and miraculously coming back to life in the morgue, the Starcourt Mall Fire (caused by Russian experiments if you believed the rumors but what Steve personally knew to be about fifteen different OHSA violations) and the damn feral pack of rabid dogs, the parents of Hawkin’s found themselves suddenly needing to keep a much closer eye on their children.

Claudia Henderson was no exception. 

(And maybe a part of him liked Claudia. The way she tried so hard to provide for Dustin, making the most she could of his fathers absence.Steve knew they weren’t divorced, but he also never personally met the guy, and well. 

At least Claudia was still there. 

At least she was trying.) 

“Okay. Let’s say I agree to play ghost masters  for a night.” Steve said, mispronouncing Ghostbusters on purpose and enjoying the immediately shrieked correction it got him. 

“Why on earth would anyone be willing to let a bunch of teenagers into their house for the night?”

It still killed him that the kids were technically teenagers. Had been, for a hot minute.

They were even high school freshmen now and wasn’t that a trip?

Soon one of them (Steve had his bets on Max) was going to start pestering him to learn how to drive and the very thought made him want to get on his knees in front of his Beemer to beg forgiveness. 

“I promise we have permission, Steve.” Dustin pleaded, rolling the word promise across his tongue in that whined, over exaggerated way kids forever used against their older siblings.

 “We crossed our i’s and dotted our t’s on this one! It’s just an evening in a house, having fun. That’s it.” 

Steve sighed, running a hand down his face when Dustin busted out the puppy dog eyes.

“If you assholes--” He started, and winced when Dustin immediately let out a victory cry. 

Fists punched the air, Dustin jumping about as he yelled; “Yes! Steve, thank you!” 

“I didn’t say I was going to go yet!” Steve yelled after him as Dustin spun about, shouting that he was going to go tell the Party over his shoulder. 

Robin snickered at him behind the kid, which Steve immediately caught. 

“Don’t laugh too soon Buckley.” He threatened, pointing at her. “You’re coming too.” 

“Oh really?” She shot back, as Dustin flew out of Family Video, making a beeline for his bike. “How do you figure you’re going to get me involved in this one?” 

“Because you owe me for driving you to that bar in Indianapolis.” 

It was a gay bar, one Steve had heard about when one of his father’s shitty secretaries once again forgot to put the phone on hold when “trying” to transfer Steve’s call. 

(She had absolutely nothing nice to say about the bar, which was a solid recommendation in and of itself in Steve's book.) 

Not that he truly needed the ammunition. Robin was his best friend, and they loved each other-- a sappy little number he would gladly pull out if it meant he didn’t have to herd the brat pack around by himself on Halloween. 

Robin sighed dramatically, staring at the ceiling. 

“Fuck you Steve, fine.” She huffed, giving in.

“You would never.” He taunted, and then did his own stupid little mimicry of Dustin’s victory dance, just to make her laugh. 

Smiled wide when it worked. 

At least if things went sideways again, she'd be right by his side.

xXx 

“I don't recall the Creel House being a giant mansion on top of a hill.” 

Steve said it accusingly, standing at the meeting spot on Halloween, kids in costumes floating about them as they clogged up the sidewalk. 

Nancy Wheeler pursed her lips, arms crossing tightly across her chest. 

(Steve had no idea how they’d gotten her to come and frankly, hadn’t asked.) 

"It's not." She agreed.

Her eyes narrowed, zeroing in on her brother with a look that younger siblings the world over knew by heart. "And that is absolutely not the Creel House." 

"We mixed up the names, so what?” Mike waived a hand, as if by doing so he could flick away his sister’s irritation. “It's a haunted house we have permission to hang out in, on Halloween." 

“If it’s not the Creel house then how exactly do we know it’s haunted?” Jonathan muttered, hands clutching his camera. 

(Steve did know how he got involved, if Nancy was here.

Not that he mentioned that either.) 

Steve nodded in agreement, putting his hands on his hips as the kids grouped before them. 

"How exactly, did you get permission for us to stay the night again?" Robin huffed, staring up at a place that looked like it came straight out of one of Munson’s horror movies. 

“I dunno, Eddie got it.” Lucas said with a shrug, and got a collective groan from the older teens for his efforts. 

“I’m not getting arrested again.” Robin said, spinning on her heel to face Steve, eyes wide.

 “I know you guys get arrested by the Chief of Police like, every other day, but some of us do actually want to get into college and frankly, the whole experience sucked.”

“Only Steve and Jonathan have been arrested.” Nancy corrected, face now thoroughly pinched in annoyance. 

“The rest of us were just detained. That said,” She added quickly, as Mike and Dustin both went to speak at once, “Robin’s right. We learned our lesson from Starcourt, didn’t we? We are not breaking into places we are not meant to be.” 

She sounded like she was quoting something.

Knowing Nancy, she probably was. 

“Eddie has definitely been arrested.” Robin protested. 

Nancy, forever stuck on a technicality, shot her a look. “Not in the incident I know you’re referencing.”

“Yeah, ‘cause he ran.” Lucas grumbled. 

“There is no shame in running boys and girls.” The man himself said loudly, leaping out of the bushes to land right in the middle of their little huddle. “Especially from the law.” 

“Eddie!” the kids shrieked as one, their annoyance at his prior abandonment immediately replaced by all his little Hellfire Club minions trying to tackle him. 

Max and El shared a private look, the only two of the children to not swamp the metalhead, and collapsed into shared giggles. 

Freshmen. Steve thought with a groan, as Eddie dramatically fell down, playing out a very overacted death scene. God help us all. 

“Harrington, call off your brats!” Eddie howled, the tail end interrupted by a cackle of laughter as Mike and Dustin tickled him. 

“We talked about this Munson.” Steve yelled back. “When you rile them up, they’re your kids, not mine, and you get to deal with them.”  

“Damn. Down my minions, down!” Eddie tried, and got tickled harder for his efforts. 

They all wrestled for a bit more before the boys relented, Mike and Dustin red in the face with laughter while Lucas, their own budding basketball star and thus the only one to even think of exercising, helped up a panting Will. 

“Eddie, not that I trust you, because we both know I don’t,” Robin started, as Eddie jumped to his feet. “But how exactly do we have permission to be in that house?”

“I’m wounded Buckley, truly.” Eddie said, a hand going to cover his heart. He staggered backwards, head shaking as though injured. “Here I thought you were one of my best friends.”

Nancy sighed loudly, rolling both her eyes and her head back while Jonathan hid a smile behind his camera. 

“You are one of my best friends you asshole,” Robin fired back. “Which is exactly why I don’t trust you! I know you too well!” 

Eddie laughed at that. “Fair.” He reached into his pocket, bringing out  a set of keys. “I’m house-sitting the place for the weekend.” 

“Someone trusted you to watch a house like that?” Nancy said slowly, before being nudged hard by Robin. 

She winced. “I mean-”

“I know what you mean, Wheeler.” Eddie said, taking the comment in stride. “It belongs to one of the executives at the plant my uncle works at. Their first house sitter dropped out last minute and they needed someone to watch their dog.”

Here, Eddie made a face. “He has one of those crusty white things that gets seizures or some shit, the guy said his wife wouldn’t go anywhere unless she knew the dog was okay.” 

“So you're allowed to be in there then.” Nancy said tartly. “I am sure they wouldn’t appreciate-”

“You are underestimating how last minute this was.” Eddie cut her off with a twirl, keys swinging out so that they flashed dramatically. “He said, and I quote,” 

The metalhead’s voice abruptly adopted an accent that sounded like a trucker and an English  butler had a weird, upper class baby. 

“I don’t care what you do in this house tonight, Munson, as long as you don’t break anything, kill anybody, and clean it up after yourself. And for fucks sake, keep the damn dog alive.” 

Taken aback, all Nancy could do was blink. 

“This dude sounds awesome.” Dustin said, impressed. The other boys murmured their agreement, once again slowly swarming Eddie. 

Like puppies, they were.

Overexcited, hormone ridden, accident prone, trouble finding puppies. 

“Pretty sure the guy was implying I could throw a party, so forgive me if I think inviting a bunch of children, their siblings, a bank geek and their overprotective mother” that was aimed at Steve, “over for a night of trying to communicate with the deceased isn't going to be a problem.”

“Like you would throw a party anyways.” Steve snorted, the sound ugly. 

“Wow, is this gang up on Eddie night? I could damn well throw a better party than you, Steve Harrington.” Eddie raised his eyebrows, taunting. 

King Steve was of course, a boy long left in the past, but a part of him, that competitive part who was very good at keg stands, rose to the challenge. 

“Is that so?” He said, standing up from his “mother hen slouch” as Eddie himself called it, to his full height. He took a step forward, made sure it radiated some of that past swagger he’d been so known for. “I’ll take that bet.” 

“Can you guys have a pissing match later?” Robin asked, ignoring the way Nancy winced at her choice of words. 

“Yeah!” Mike shouted, abruptly snatching the keys from Eddie’s waving hand and ignoring the shorter teen’s outraged “Hey!” 

“Come on, let’s go already!” He huffed, racing off. 

“Why did that asshole have to grow so tall?” Eddie complained, as the younger teens flew past him. Even Max and El took off, though they at least paused to shrug at Steve with twin smiles before they ran past. 

“I seriously hope this really is ok Eddie.” Robin said, worrying her lip anxiously as the older teens started the climb up to the front door, a trek that somehow took two different sets of steep stairs. “I meant it about getting arrested.”

“Chill Robs.” The metalhead assured her, knocking his shoulder into hers as he and Steve flanked her sides, Jonathan and Nancy trailing behind. 

“El’s here, so it’s not like good ol’ Chief Hopper doesn’t know what we’re doing.” 

“He knew what we were doing last time.” 

“No, he knew whatever lie Mike told him so he could sneak El around. That’s why the kid’s on his shit list.” Eddie corrected.

Robin sighed, defeated. “God you can be just as annoying as Nance, you know that?”

“Excuse me?” Nancy said, from behind, eyes popping wide and startelement. 

Jonathan hid his chuckle into a cough when she shot him a furious glance but Steve, now two years past being her ex, had no issues letting her see his amusement. 

“Sorry Nancy, but she’s not wrong.” He called teasingly. “You gotta get that need to correct people under control.” 

Then bolted past his friends as Nancy spat out his full name like a curse, offended, before quickening her pace to catch him. 

Laughing, Eddie and Robin took up the chase, leaving Jonathan to shake his head. 

“I am not running with this camera!” He yelled at them, cradling his baby and following at a far more sedate pace. 

“Your fault if we lock you out!” Steve called back, but the threat was empty. 

He and Jonathan had fixed their shit, those same two years ago. They were good now, even close, sometimes.

Not as close as he was to Eddie and Robin, but close enough to hang out with the kids on Halloween and enjoy it.  

‘A family.’ Eddie had called it, while he and Steve recovered in the hospital not even six full months ago, from a shenanigan neither of them talked about in front of Robin for fear she’d put them right back in the ER. 

‘We found ourselves a proper family. Good for holidays and everything.’ 

He’d had a stupid little grin on his face when he’d said it. 

‘How about next time we don’t almost die finding one.’ Steve had countered, and  then grinned smugly when Eddie’s protest just ended up making his injuries hurt. 

“You’re both dumb.” Jonathan had said at the time, their sole witness and ride out of there, soft smile he almost never let out on his face. 

“Screw you Byers, you were in California for this one!” Steve complained, and well, it had devolved into silly, amusing arguments from there but the point was still the same.

A family they were, the whole lot of them. 

xXx 

“Oh my god this place is huge.” Robin muttered, spinning about in the entryway. 

“That’s capitalism for ya, baby.” 

“We should split up, that way we can find the perfect room.” Dustin announced, shuffling his bulging backpack up as it once again tried to drag him to the floor. 

“You weren’t serious about the ghost stuff, were you?” Steve groaned.

He didn’t know why he did--Dustin never joked about this kind of shit. 

“We have an opportunity, Steven. I’m not wasting it!” 

“Fine then. Go run around like a lunatic and find me when you found your stupid perfect room.” 

“Weren’t you the one bitching about splitting up last time?” Eddie teased, playfully poking at Dustin’s back and trying to get him off balance. 

“Yeah, in an actual situation.” Steve countered, as the kids paired off, Lucas and Mike losing their preferred partners to each other, the girls not looking sorry for it. “Not playing pretend.” 

“Is that what we’re doing? Playing pretend?” Eddie moved his head so that for the briefest of seconds, his nose ghosted right past Steve’s cheek. 

Steve, more than used to Eddie having no personal space, didn’t even flinch. 

“With the whole summoning ghosts bit? Absolutely.” He clarified with his own secretive smile.  

Because Munson often spoke in riddles, had dual meanings to every word-and for once Steve had started to catch on.

Had even started to play around back. 

It may have taken him a hot minute to do so, but sitting on the knowledge that there was a chance Eddie Munson was actually, seriously, intentionally flirting with him had made the world rearrange itself a bit. 

Steve honestly wasn’t certain he was comfortable with what it meant in regards to himself--but he knew he found Eddie hot. 

More than that--they were like two halves of something, working and bouncing off each other in a way only those who were very close could. 

(“Two halves of a whole idiot.” Robin had said when Steve had first broached the topic.

Steve had licked a finger and stuck it in her ear in retaliation.) 

The guy part, Steve found once he’d thought on it, didn’t bother him as much as it once would have. What made him hesitate wasn’t that, or even how quickly his discovery had led to him having fucking wet dreams of Eddie Munson.

No, it was everything else.

Namely, the dad he’d already disappointed, but also all the other crap that came with living in a small town, and being relied upon by a lot of parents as their kids' de facto elder sibling. 

If Steve came out, openly came out…

People had been shitty enough to Eddie, in high school. Steve had even been one of those shitty people. He knew how they thought, what they could and would do. 

Egging, graffiti, getting your ass kicked in an allyway, and barred from establishments was all just the start of it, for someone who hadn’t even admitted to being gay. 

He’d about convinced himself to ignore it. He liked girls anyway, was one of the lucky ones, as Robin loved to put it, whose brain and general being didn’t care too much about his partner’s gender. 

“It at least gives you a shot to fall in love with the person you’re “supposed” to.” She’d said, drunk off her ass and wobbly as she made air quotes with her hands. 

Steve couldn’t blame her for it. Not now, when he finally understood the consequences of dating that other person. 

The one you weren’t supposed to. 

Then came that damn bar in Indianapolis. The bartender with the earring who’d shot him an appreciative glance and Steve hadn’t even had to think about it-he’d just, winked. 

Ended up with a free drink.

Made out a little at the back of the bar on the guy’s break and sure, it hadn’t gone farther than that but it was enough.

 To know.

To want. 

How Robin hadn’t caught him on that one was a miracle, but he didn’t want to ruin things. A part of him knew she was graduating soon-her, Nancy, Jonathan and Eddie, if they could finally drag him through Mrs. Click’s class. 

 They could all move, if they wanted to, after that.  

He was happy to follow them wherever they wanted to go, and knew the first three were trying to get into the same colleges. He also knew he wouldn’t have problems dragging Eddie along for the ride. 

If anything the guy was itching to get out faster than any of them. 

Laughter suddenly rang down the halls, interrupting him from his too loud thoughts. 

Steve smiled at it, knowing he damn well couldn’t abandon the kids. 

“You alright?” Jonathan asked, his voice too quiet as always, having come up on Steve’s left side. 

The guy just didn’t relax anymore unless he was high. 

Steve made a mental note to ask Eddie if he’d brought anything after the kids had managed to go to sleep-or at the very least, tire themselves out enough to be corralled in one room. Then the adults could go have their fun. 

Something he knew Jonathan desperately needed. 

“Yeah, just thinking.” Steve said back. 

“I didn’t know you could do that.” Jonathan responded, then cracked a smile when Steve playfully threw his shoulder at him. 

“Earth to Harrington!” Eddie called, and Steve blinked, because the guy had suddenly teleported from right near him to across the sprawling entryway entirely. “If you and Johnny Boy are done talking, I say we to go explore the basement. Together.” 

Eddie clapped his hands, to emphasize the last word. 

Jonathan shook his head, but Steve just sent his friend a conspiratorial wink, before putting on the most harassed sitcom-husband voice he could, yelling back “Coming, honey!” 

Eddie, who had started to turn, almost tripped at the words, long legs tangling together and getting an honest to god laugh out of Jonathan. 

Steve snickered right along with him, before trotting over to save his idiot friend from himself. 

“Come on Munson, let’s go be the stupid people who die first in all the horror movies.” He said, opening the door and trotting down the rickety, wooden steps. 

A pressure at his back, Munson crowding him as he followed. 

“If we wanna be the people who die first, then we have to sneak away to have sex.” Eddie murmured, hair ticking the back of Steve’s neck.

Steve grinned as the sound of the basement door swinging shut followed. 

The sudden silence and lack of light was just the courage he needed to blurt out, “Well if that’s on the table, then I’d absolutely rather die like that.” 

The breath Eddie sucked in was a high he could ride for days, Steve decided, as he carefully made it to the bottom of the stairs. went about feeling for the lights.

Being flirted with by Eddie was one thing but flirting back?

Steve had never been on a better power trip.

[quasi-normalcy]

Which Star Trek series should you start with?

The Original Series: Advantages: + The one that started it all + Has some sophisticated and socially conscious science fiction that has held up exceptionally well + The lead characters all have really good chemistry and fun to see play off of one another + It's what most people probably think of when you say Star Trek (together with TNG) Disadvantages: - It can feel very dated and kind of sexist, particularly in its treatment of women - The sci-fi and social commentary may have held up, but damn it, the special effects really haven't - When TOS is bad, it's really, really bad.

The Animated Series: Advantages: + Basically just more TOS. Disadvantages: - Basically just more TOS, but substituting extremely cheap animation for bad special effects

The Next Generation: Advantages: + Probably the most popular one at this point + The crew is full of interesting characters and they're fun to spend time with + Just really smart people solving Space Mysteries + Socialist space utopia + Geordi-And-Data! + Lots of cool sci-fi concepts and social commentary + It's what most people probably think of when you say Star Trek (together with TOS) Disadvantages: - Although not in the same way as TOS, it can feel dated at times, particularly in terms of its treatment of women and it's near complete refusal to acknowledge queerness - Without wanting to bias viewer opinion, the first season is widely considered to be pretty bad - The series makes no bones about the fact that the socialist space utopia is better than every other society that has ever existed and will reiterate this point over and over again

Deep Space Nine: Advantages: + The most popular Trek series on Tumblr + Has a complete story arc, as well as arcs for all of its characters, including the extremely minor ones + Plain, simple, Garak. The humble tailor. + Garashir, if you're into that + Seriously has a really sophisticated treatment of things like post-colonial politics, anthropology, worldbuilding, and the horrors of warfare + Just the characters in general + Is the only Star Trek prior to the 2010s to even look meaningfully at queer representation Disadvantages: - Has an absolutely massive inferiority complex with respect to TNG and this drives a few poor writing decisions that seemingly exist just to poke the Socialist Space Utopia in its eye - Introduces a space religion and then just slowly turns it into Christianity with the numbers filed off - Seems to think that sexual harassment is just a quirky eccentricity - There's no women in its writers' room, and frankly it shows

Voyager: Advantages: + Probably the clearest instance of found family in space + Lots of really good episodes + Lots of fun new characters + Strong female role models + "Set a course...for home." Disadvantages: - Continuity? I never knew her! - Probably about 90% of Trek's reputation for technobabble comes from this one series - Even less queerness than TNG. - Only like...3 characters actually get arcs. - The first few seasons lean very hard into bullshit fake "Native American" spiritualism with one of the characters - How do these guys have warp drive but can't find any water?

Enterprise: Advantages: + Chronologically the first series + 90% less technobabble + The only series to plausibly frame our heroes as astronauts...on some kind of...star trek. + Still has probably the best production values of any series + Makes alien cultures of the week feel somehow richer and deeper than other series + Faith of the Heart is good, fuck you. Disadvantages: - Oh my god, the decon scenes - Seriously, if you've ever wondered what a "sexy" series written by a 14 year old boy who's only ever seen a bit of scrambled softcore porn on late-night cable would be like, this is the show for you - Somehow feels more sexist and racist than the show from the '60s - Seriously, the POC characters mostly exist to fill seats on the bridge; the women constantly have to undress themselves - Hellooooo, Bush II-era political analogies - Scott Bakula is a good actor but you wouldn't know it from this series - In season 3, they add a tambourine beat to Faith of the Heart and ruin it

Discovery: Advantages: + Noticed the lack of queer characters in the first 50 years of Star Trek canon and decided to make up for lost time + Seriously, the "Bury Your Gays" tally for this series is like...negative two + Just incredible representation in general + Some really good science fiction plots, particularly in later series + Some really fun, memorable characters + It's still running, so it has an active fandom on Tumblr Disadvantages: - Makes Elon Musk out to be one of the great visionary geniuses of history - Not really representative of Star Trek as a whole - The series swerves wildly in tone because of constant, behind-the-scenes churn in the writers' room - Offputtingly grimdark first season - Let's be honest, none of the season-long arcs have actually had satisfying conclusions - Half the cast feels like it's just there for exposition and to be killed for cheap drama

Picard: Advantages: + Has the best dramatic acting of any Star Trek series by a fair margin + Has the best musical score of any Star Trek series + Introduces a whole crew of fascinating new characters + Introduces all kinds of fascinating transhumanist concepts + AGNES. JURATI. Disadvantages: - You know all of those fascinating new characters that I mentioned? Yeah, it unceremoniously gets rid of all of them to bring back the old TNG gang. - You know that all of those fascinating transhumanist concepts that I mentioned? Yeah, it gets rid of those too so that to give us some generic action - Oh my god, someone teach the set designers to operate a fucking light switch - Grimdark - Nossssstalgia - Each season is basically unrelated to every other season - Depends so heavily on TNG that its final season is basically unwatchable if you haven't already seen a 30-year-old TV series

Lower Decks: Advantages: + It has probably the most efficient storytelling that I've ever seen; seriously, it's incredible how much it can fit into a half hour episode + It has a bunch of delightful, archetypical characters you get to know and love + You like hanging out with these people + The ship is kind of crap and you will learn to love it that way. + Basically a sitcom version of TNG. + Has a big fandom on Tumblr Disadvantages: - The art style is pretty Rick & Morty-ish - It takes most of its first season to really strike a good balance between being a sitcom and being a Star Trek series - The main character, Mariner, is kind of unlikable for the first season or so (she gets better) - Lots of callbacks to other series (though always either incidental or clearly explained) - Given that it's the first Star Trek sitcom, the comedy is honestly kinda the weakest part? Subjective I know.

Prodigy: Advantages: + Absolutely gorgeous to look at; the most visually stunning Star Trek by quite a ways + Lots of fun new characters on a cool ship + Gives you clear on-boarding notes to the Star Trek franchise if you're watching it for the first time + Can be watched on its own, but also works as a direct sequel to Voyager and a prequel to Picard (making both of them retoractively better, in fact) + Kind of like the Clone Wars or Rebels of the Star Trek universe, I guess? + Found family in space! The next generation! + Soon to be running on Netflix, so if you already have a Netflix subscription, you don't need to pay for another service + Written for a younger audience. Not necessarily an advantage, but nice if you happen to like family friendly animation or YA. Disadvantages: - *sigh* You basically need to pirate it. Thanks, Paramount. - Has a second season that we may or may not ever actually get to see even through piracy. Thanks, Paramount. - Isn't airing on the same streaming service as all of the other ones. Thanks, Paramount

Strange New Worlds: Advantages: + Basically what the original series would be if it were released today, rather than 57 years ago; all of the cool, socially consciousness sci-fi adventure, none of the weird 60s sexism + Fun, awesome characters you get to like spending time with right away + Incredible visuals + Nifty sci-fi concepts, mostly without the 90s-style technobabble Disadvantages: - A huge cast with only ten episodes a season, so many of them feel underdeveloped - Unfortunately, a bunch of its characters are younger versions of the characters from The Original Series, and they hog most of the spotlight; and the characters whose futures aren't locked in stone are kind of treated as disposable - In general, it needs to spend less time being a prequel, and more time being its own thing - "What if Starfleet ran into the Xenomorphs from Alien?" "Well, they'd probably kill them." "Okay, let's spend several episodes on this."

[idontknowanyonesblog]

I’m not talking to you. Pt.1

Bumblebee x reader (Reader is mentioned as a girl once I think but other than that it’s mostly gn)

When you take your car to pick up a guy on a date, Bumblebee starts to act up. You decide to give him the silent treatment for ruining your chances and night until you realize that you really do need him

There’s probably bad grammar in this cus im not the best at things like that

You practically jumped out of your bed when a guy from your science class asked you out. You two were paired for a project a few weeks ago and became friends which you were really happy about. He was cute, smart and funny, what more could you want? You told him that you’d pick him up at his place and drive to a local restaurant to grad dinner. You got ready in a pretty outfit and went to your garage to get your car. That pretty yellow and black Camaro in amazing condition, just waiting for you in the garage. “She looks just like a dream~

The prettiest girl I’ve ever seen!”

The car radio buzzed and the engine revved. A small blush tinted your cheeks as you patted the hood of the car. “Thank you Bee, so you’ll never guess what just happened! I’m going on a date with this super cute guy from my science class!” You smiled cheerfully but your smile quickly fell as the car shut off. What the hell? Bumblebee never did that to you so why would he randomly do it now? “Oh don’t be like that Bumblebee. Anyway I gotta hurry so please just be good…” You asked him in a pleading voice. After a few seconds the engine turned back on and the driver side door opened. you smiled again and quickly hopped in. He backed out of the garage quickly and sped down the rode, a lot faster than the speed limit on your street was. You grabbed the steering wheel tightly. “Jesus Christ Bee slow down!” You said in nervous voice. The last thing Bumblebee wanted to do was hurt you so he did slow down a bit. You gave him the address to drive to so that’s where he went. It took a bit longer than you thought but you could’ve sworn Bumblebee did a few circles around some neighbourhood’s. Once you got to the guys place you told Bee to be normal. The passenger door opened and a tall guy with brown hair and glasses sat down beside you.

“Hi Oliver! Sorry it took so long I uh…got a bit lost on the way here.” You said that last part with a bit on annoyance as you looked at the car radio with a warning glance. “Don’t worry about it, your car is uh…kinda old fashioned don’t you think? I mean it’s nice but I’m more into modern things.” Oh god. You prayed to the heavens with all your faith that Bumblebee wouldn’t act up because of that comment but unfortunately not all prayers can be answered. The passenger seat jerked forward and the radio made a loud static sound. The engine rumbled before the car aggressively reversed out of the driveway. You gripped the steering wheel with all your strength before turning to look at Oliver. “I’m so sorry! My cars been acting up super weirdly lately, I’m taking it in the get it serviced soon.” You apologized to the poor boy and gritted your teeth. “It’s fine, things happen so don’t worry.” Oliver said back to you and gave you a nervous smile. The drive to the restaurant was decent except that every time Oliver complemented you his seat jerked back or forward aggressively. The dinner itself went well, the food was good and the conversation was great. He was a nice guy with a good personality. On the ride home the stereo kept turning off and on and his seat was acting up more often. You thanked God his house was now a block away cus if this guy kept talking to you, Bumblebee would’ve crashed himself just to shut Oliver up. Once you got back to Oliver’s place, he kissed your cheek and went to kiss you on the lips before the car horn honked loudly. He jumped back and chuckled awkwardly before saying his goodbyes.

The drive back to your house was well…silent. Bumblebee didn’t dare make a peep when he noticed how furious you really were. As you drove out of town towards your house you spotted an old junkyard. “Pull over into the junkyard. Now.” Were your only words. He did just as asked without hesitation. Once he parked you got up and slammed the door shut before standing in front of the car and crossing your arms. “Well, go on. Transform, there’s no one here except for me and you.” You said in an irritated tone as he began to transform into his normal self. He looked a bit guilty and embarrassed as he looked at the ground and then at you. “What the hell is your problem Bee!? I had a HIGH chances with that guy, VERY VERY VERY HIGH CHANCES! And you blew it! God damn it Bee, I just- I don’t know what to do with you anymore!” You began to yell at him, your anger rising higher by the second. “Sorry *static* I didn’t *static* mean it-“ His radio buzzed out as you looked at you with puppy dog eyes. He made a sad little wiring sound as he looked down at you. Your expression slightly softened as you say how guilty he looked. A small sigh left your lips as you pinched the bridge of your nose. “Just please take me back home…” You mumbled before he turned back into his car form and opened the door for you to get in. The entire ride home was silent exercised for soft radio static in the background and occasionally his radio picking up nearby channels for a moment and then cutting out once more.

When you got home you just went upstairs without a word. The next day Bumblebee didn’t see you at all, and the day after that, and the day after that. It had been 3 days now since you talked to Bumblebee and in that 3 days Oliver kept talking to you and complementing you until you found out he was also talking to multiple other girls. What an asshole, you were more angry than sad but tears still welled in your eyes as you found this out. You decided to suck it up and finally go and talk to Bumblebee, he always knew what to do and you owed each other an apology. “Hey Bee…I’m really sorry for yelling at you, I shouldn’t have done that I was just so upset and it wasn’t worth it because in the end that guy is a stupid jerk cus I found out he’s been talking to other girls this whole time and-“ The more you rambled on about everything the more heart broken Bumblebee felt. How could someone do that to you? Finally he transformed into his robot form and kneeled down to you. You ran into him and hugged him as tightly as possibly and he gently hugged you back. “I’m sorry too *static* I shouldn’t have *static* done that.” His radio crackled out. For the next little while you opened up about a lot of things and he listened to everything you had to say. As much as he wanted to confess his feelings, he knew this wouldn’t be the best time to do it so maybe he’ll do to soon…

Thanks for reading and thanks for all your guys support I really appreciate it❤️

Part.2 where bumblebee confesses to reader will be coming soon and it’ll probably be a lot shorter than this.

[aliesbienish]

Love at first swipe

Benedict Bridgerton x fem reader. Modern Au.

Warnings: Cheesy AF. Innuendos.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Cute smile. Check.

Kind eyes. Check.

Well written profile with no misogynistic undertones. Double check.

This guy must be to good to be true. Definitely a bot. Or married and cheating on his poor wife. Plus what girl hasn’t been screwed over by a ‘Ben’, maybe he’ll be yours.

Still against better judgement you swiped right on Mr. cute smile, and then called it a day. Closing tinder and setting down your phone, reluctantly getting up to make yourself dinner. Honestly having a partner to share the cooking load was just as appealing as the romance at this point.

Basic spaghetti made and glass of wine in hand you plopped back onto the couch to continue your next rerun of pride and prejudice, the tv show of course. At least you could always day dream of life with Mr Darcy, and if he was always looking like he just emerged from the lake then so be it.

Grabbing your phone to enter into some simultaneous mindless scrolling you saw a notification from Tinder pop up. Oh boy a new match. Maybe you needed more wine.

Of course you couldn’t help being intrigued, so you opened it up to see a new message from the definite robot himself.

Ben: Good evening [y/n], to what do I owe this pleasure?

You: Bit early to determine I’ll be a pleasure isn’t it?

I’m actually only here because I am convinced you are a bot and honestly chatting with a bot is almost guaranteed to be more exciting than chatting with a man.

Ben: I’m nothing if not optimistic. I promise I am not a bot. And before you say it; I know that it’s exactly what a bot would say but it’s also exactly what a human would say.

You: Touché. Alright Ben, prove it.

Ben: Do you interrogate all your matches or am I special?

You: You’re special. But don’t get sappy about it, I’m just suspicious that your profile doesn’t have a photo of you fishing or in front of a car.

Through many years of observation I’ve hypothesised that each human man must show one or the other.

Ben: And have you hypothesised why that may be?

You: It’s almost certainly something to do with their hunting and gathering skills. That or compensation.

Ben: And how was this concluded?

You: Well fishing is obviously a modern (and frankly boring) man’s hunting and gathering.Least amount of work and blood involved. These men want to prove they can provide, but will likely never actually do the real hunting and gathering ie. Grocery shopping.

Ben: Science seems sound. And cars?

You: Well that’s obvious. The bigger and shinier the car the smaller the 🍆.

Ben: I quite agree…but that might be because I own a mud covered beetle.

You: Haven’t you heard it’s best to keep expectations low?

Ben: And risk losing out? No thank you.

You: If you’re real, which the jury is still out, I’m sure that’s not an issue.

Ben: Still? I’m flattered. And while it may not be an issue let’s say why would I settle for bronze when I can have gold?

FYI that’s me saying I think you’re gold

You: thanks for the clarification. You’re really into calling this early aren’t you? 10 minutes and you’re obsessed.

Ben: It’s actually been about thirty minutes if you count when I first came across your profile and haven’t stopped thinking about you since.

You: That is either incredibly honest or an amazing line.

Ben: Oh it’s both. But first and only time I’ll use it, cross my heart.

You: So what next?

Ben: Coffee, tomorrow hopefully if that’s not too soon?

You: Tomorrows great. Meet in the city? Say Leicester Square at 11am?

Ben: Done. I look forward to it.

You: You’d better be real or I’ll hurt you.

You were standing in the square outside of the cinema, your agreed meeting place. Despite the anxiety in you wanting to call the date off you’d made it. It was likely a good thing you only had 24 hours or so to think about it. Ben had been funny and endearing and so damn sure he wanted to meet you. He seemed so lovely that it defied belief, but you were willing to suspend reality.

You felt a hand on your shoulder, and you spun around to come face to face with Ben. In the flesh, as handsome or in fact even more so than his profile photos.

You meet his eyes and suddenly you felt lost in them.

“Hi,” You muttered, a goofy smile plastering your face. “I’m [y/n]”.

“Hi back. My real names Benedict. But Ben is fine. Long story. It’s lovely to meet you properly.”

“Thank god we’re both real,” you laughed.

“To be honest I never had any doubt. When you know you know.”

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Maybe I’m just trying to manifest my own luck on the dating apps 🤷🏻‍♀️

[mytheoristavenue]

DS Incel!Gyutaro Shabana x Reader - Strings Attached

Summary: When you befriend the loser in your comp-sci class, you make it your mission to get him laid.

Warnings: Incel mindsets, misogyny, self-deprecation, poor hygiene, one-sided pining, language, lewd jokes, innuendo, toxic views of women

Word Count:

It was never meant to go this far, it was meant to be a fun project. Feelings were never meant to be involved, he knew that, didn't he?

You first noticed Gyutaro on the day you moved into your college dorm. He stood in the center of the room, holding a stack of boxes while he spoke to a bright-looking girl. Her pale- almost icy hair and vibrant eyes struck you before anything on him did. "Oh my gosh, you must be (Y/N)!"

You nodded sheepishly, arms full of luggage as she cheerily greeted you, leaving the slender man alone to watch. "I'm assuming you must be Ume?" You laughed nervously, flustered under the attention she gave you.

"Yeah, that's right!" She chirped, taking a few things from your hands and setting them on the bed to the right. "Here, let me help you with that! I already kinda settled into the left side, I hope you don't mind!" You shook your head with a dismissive smile, following suit. "Oh, before I forget, brother," The girl chimed, turning back to the man, tugging childishly on the sleeve of his flannel. "This is my roommate, (Y/N)," She turned back to you, tossing a thumb back toward him. "(Y/N), this is my big brother, Gyutaro."

You gave him a wave, only getting a curt nod as a reply. "Don't mind him, he's just shy around girls!" Ume teased, pointing to a spot where she wanted him to set the boxes he held. You could hear him curse her name under his breath, but it hardly counted as conversation. Soon after, he left, the pink never retreating from his cheeks.

-----

The second time you met him was in your computer science class, a little more than a week later. Though you and Ume were both freshmen, you had taken a great deal of college courses in highschool, which lead you to have classes with a junior such as himself. You were a bit relieved to see a familiar face as you climbed the lecture hall stairs to the top left corner where he sat. You waved at him cheerfully, calling out his name. "Hey, Gyutaro, right?"

He spared you a glance, rolling his eyes and adjusting the large headphones on his ears, heavy metal music blaring from them. "Oh," you paused, a bit embarrassed. "Do you mind if I sit with you?" He simply shrugged, prompting you to very awkwardly sit beside him, unzipping your bag to pull out your laptop.

-----

The third time you met Gyutaro was when you realized he was a regular at the on-campus coffee shop you began working at. He and Ume would come in nearly every morning before class and then again after classes, so you got to serve them just about every time you worked, no matter what shift.

"Good morning Ume, Gyutaro!" You chirped, smiling when they came in.

"Hey, bestie, how's your first shift going?" The girl asked excitedly, hopping up to the counter. You shook your head at her enthusiasm, having gotten quite close to her in the last few weeks.

"It's going fine mostly. What can I get you guys?" You asked kindly, stepping over to the register.

"Hmmm," Ume thought, tapping her painted finger against her chin. "I think I'll get something simple since it's your first day!" You thanked her for her thoughtfulness. "How about a vanilla latte for me and just plain old coffee for Gyu."

"Alright," You acknowledged, tapping the tablet screen to ring up their order. "Gyutaro, do you want any-"

"Black." He simply said, scoffing and taking out a twenty from his wallet. You hadn't realized it at the time, but that was the first word he ever said to you, and you certainly never anticipated how very chatty he would later become.

You nodded nervously, put off by his coldness. You finished the order and counted back his change. "Alright so that's six thirty-five out of twenty so thirteen seventy-five is your change!" You chirped, holding your fist out to him, confused when he wouldn't offer his hand.

"Keep it," He muttered, nudging his head to the right towards the tip jar on the counter. "Hope your first day goes well..."

"T-Thank you, Gyutaro..." You softened, smiling a bit as you dropped the money into the jar. "That's sweet of you." You didn't miss how his cheeks dusted pink, though you chalked it up to Ume's teasing.

"Awe, big bro, you're such a sweetie!" She gushed, following him to a booth, ingoring his harsh warnings to quiet down.

"Shut the hell up!" He whispered to her, incredibly irritated and even more embarrassed. "God you're so annoying..."

You couldn't help but laugh at the pair and they're obvious love for one another. Ume was so bubbly and outgoing and Gyutaro was so moody and introverted. They complimented each other quite well in your opinion. Maybe that's why you took an interest in him.

-----

After that third time, you stopped keeping track of your meetings with him, especially when you realized, that not only would you see him nearly daily in class and at work, but he would visit his sister incredibly frequently. It wasn't uncommon for you to come home after work to find him sitting on the floor, back against Ume's bed, listening to her idle chatter. Today was one such occassion.

You sighed, exhausted from class as you let yourself into the dorm, hanging your purse and keys on the rack of hooks that you and your roommate shared. You cocked a brow at the scene before you as you slid out of your hoodie and hung it over the back of your desk chair. Like usual, Gyutaro sat on the floor, laptop open in his lap as Ume lounged on the bed, her foot resting on his shoulder.

"Gyu, stop moving, you're gonna make me mess up!" She whined, lazer focused on the teal nail polish she was brushing onto her toeanils.

"Get that shit on my jacket and you die," He grumbled back. "Actually no," he then added, glancing at her over his shoulder. "I'll just stop doing your homework and let you fail."

"Brother!" You couldn't help but giggle as you gathered your leisure clothes to change for the evening, heading to the adjoining bathroom. "You wouldn't let me fail, you love me too much! Right..?"

"Ume," You smirked knowingly, coming out of the bathroom in leggings and an old metal band t-shirt. "Why don't you just do your own homework? It's like the third week of the semester, you can't be that far behind."

"It's computer stuff, I didn't sign up for that!" She huffed, screwing the top back onto her bottle of nail polish.

"You...literally did sign up for it." You gently reminded her, snickering at the way she flustered.

"W-Well I didn't want to! Besides, it has nothing to do with my major anyways!" She insisted, pointing her nose up at the ceiling.

"What's your major again? Fashion or something?" You mused, hopping up onto your bed and kicking off your houseshoes. "You know you have to learn graphic deisng and stuff for that, right?"

"She's right, ya know," Gyutaro piped up from his seat on the floor, readusting his legs. "What's the point of me puttin' you through college if you're just gonna make me earn your degree for you?"

"But Gyu!" She groans, resting her head ontop of his and frowning like a sad clown. "You're so much better at this stuff than I am!"

"Yeah, 'cause it's my major and I actually do the work I'm assigned? Maybe because I'm not a lazy brat like you? Just a guess." He sassed back, actions betraying his words as he continued to type away at the keyboard.

You had always found it interesting, their relationship. They seemed to have a much closer bond than most siblings do, and most people would veiw their interactions for the outside looking in as possibly romantic. But having gotten to know them a bit, you were beginning to realize why they spent so much time together. They didn't have anyone else in their lives, especially Gyutaro.

"Hey, Gyutaro?" You suddenly called from your bed, laying on your tummy across it. His gaze quirked up to you over the lid to his laptop with a curious brow. "Don't you have a girlfriend or something?"

You watched his eyes widen, the left one twitching slightly as heat rose up his neck. "What the fuck? Why the hell is that your business?" He rasped, furrowing his brows.

"I didn't mean anything by it, I swear!" You laughed nervously, crosswing your arms under your chin. "I just meant, I never see you hang out with anyone other than Ume, so I was curious."

"Oh, oh, I can answer this one!" Said girl chimed, laying in a similar fashion, her hair falling over the side of the bed and onto his shoulder.

"No, you can't, shut up," Gyutaro scolded, brushing her ivory locks away from him. "Shut up or I'm killing this whole document, I swear to God."

"No you won't, you've been working on it for hours!" She huffed before tapping on his left shoulder to get his attention. When he glanced over, she leaned over his right and snatched the laptop away from him, just in case he wasn't bluffing. "Anyways, Gyu doesn't have any friends, just me!" The way she'd said it so casually tugged on your heartstrings, espeically with the expression that he pulled in response.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that." You muttered, feeling guilty for even having asked. "Is there a reason why?"

Gyutaro had some spiteful remark about his looks locked and loaded, but his sister took the wind from his sails. "It's because he thinks he's ugly!" She groaned, as if such a sentiment was outlandish to her. "That and he never goes out to talk to people!"

"That's not true, I have tons of friends!" He protested, sitting up on his knees and turning around, trying to reach his computer, only to have it further nudged out of his reach. "Akaza, Kaigaku, and Douma are my friends."

"Douma's a creep, Akaza's a douche, and Kaigaku..." She paused. "I guess he's alright, but he literally abandoned you, like what the eff!"

The man rolled his eyes, dragging his palms down his flushed face. "Oh my God, he didn't abandon me! He joined a frat and moved out of my dorm!"

"Oh, you have a friend in a frat?" You asked, curiousity piqued. "Does he ever invite you to any parties?" You were yet to experience a frat party and the oppertunity to possibly get an invite seemed increadibly tantilizing.

"Well, he used to," Gytuaro answered curtly, curling up with his knees to his chin, seemingly giving up getting his laptop back. "He kinda stopped inviting me because I kept saying no."

"You turned down invites to multiple parties?" Ume shrieked, yanking on the hood of his jacket, rocking back and forth. "You're even lamer than I thought!"

You simply shook your head at her childish display. "Why don't you just ask for an invite to the next one? It's the start of the semester, so I'm sure there'll be one soon." You suggested with a paitent smile.

"Why the hell would I do that? I don't wanna go," He admitted, giving you a look like you were stupid just for insinuating he might enjoy such a setting. "It's all just drunk girls, drunk guys, drunk sex, and stupidity."

"I wanna go!" His sister pouted, still pulling at him. "It sounds like fun!"

"Absolutely fuckin' not!" He shut her down without a second thought. "Ume, if I ever found out you went to a party without me I'd-" He paused, head falling back against her legs, seeing her big, hopeful eyes, deciding to drop whatever violent threat was on on the tip of his tounge. "I'd hang you up by your toes." He sighed, smirking as he pinched her freshly painted big toe.

"I won't go alone, (Y/N)'ll come with me, won't you?" She chriped, glancing up at you, giggling and kicking his hands away.

"Of course I will! I love partying, it'll be fun!" You agreed cheerily.

"Hey, no! What the hell did I just say?" Gyutaro piped up, his fond smile fading to an irritated scowl. "I didn't say you couldn't go alone, I said you can't go without me!"

"Come with us, then," You snickered, reaching out and flicking his forehead to get his attention. "Simple fix."

"I said I don't wanna go," He grumbled, eyebrow twitching in irritation. "And neither of you are going without me, so I guess nobody is going anywhere!" He chirped fakely.

"Hey, why can't I go?" You whine, laying your head on your arm. God, were your lashes always this long, or is it just because you're pouting? "That's not fair..."

"Because if you go, Ume will go because she has no self control." He depanned, entirely ignoring her annoyed bonks to his head. "And then you'll both probably get drugged and date raped or something. Then I'll have to kill someone and I really don't wanna go back to prison."

The grin on his face made you a bit queasy and you weren't sure why. You were sure he was bluffing, but then again, you didn't really know Gyutaro all that well. He could be a felon for all you knew. Luckily, your roomie nipped that train of thought in the butt. "Brother, you idiot, you don't even have criminal record!" Just like that, the 'cool guy' facade he'd created crumbled, and he was back to his shy self again, flustered as he argued with his sister.

"C'mon, Gyutaro," You giggled, reaching out and toying with a few strands of his hair, noting that they were fairly greasy. You pretended not to notice. "Just come with us this one time, who knows you might like it!"

"How could I possibly like it?" He rolled his eyes, avoiding your gaze as your nails gently scratched his scalp.

"Maybe you'll meet a girl!" Ume chirped excitedly, shaking his shoulders again. "Oh my God, what if we go a you meet a girl and fall in love and-"

"Oh, give it a rest," He groan, leaning away from her, only to inadvertedly lean farther into your touch. Great, he was trapped between to girls, and not even in the good way. Either his annoying baby sister, or her annoying best friend.

"Hey, yeah, that's a good idea, actually!" You grin, leaning closer still, nearly falling off your bed and into his lap. "We'll all go! We can experience our first frat party, you can look after us, and we can help you talk to girls! Everyone wins!"

Gyutaro hated this idea, he had so many better things to do than to babysit two freshman girls at a wild party. But something told him neither you or Ume would let it go until he relented, so with his hands up defensively, he finally sighed. "Jesus Christ, fine! I'll text Kaigaku for an invite!"

You both squealed with delight at the thought of going to your first college party, thanking him endlessly. He simply waved you off as he took out his phone from his pocket, one hundred percent sure he'd regret this.

"Hey man, could I maybe get an invite to the next party?"

[katuschka]

Touch Starved Pups – One

Jake Kiszka x f!Reader x Josh Kiszka 4.011 words

Welcome to Part One of the story about what happens to two well-behaved, bored and horny romantics when a new feisty, worldly and hot social media manager enters the building...

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction, intended for adult readers. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental. Also, if you're under 18, go find some other entertainment elsewhere.

Warnings (are spoilers): expressive language, promiscuous behaviour, unprotected sex (or still rather just allusions to it , just setting the scene...), oral sex, handjob, kissing, twinfight, fistfight, angst, mockery, consensual teasing game that's borderline exploitative, slightly toxic behaviour...so, to sum it up, this is pure rock&roll filth, folks.

Also, if you like the story and want to get notifications for future updates, you can join the Taglist or see the Masterlist

Hooked? Read Part Two.

I know who I am when I'm alone

I'm something else when I see you

You don't understand, you should never know

How easy you are to need

Don't let me in with no intention to keep me

Jesus Christ, don't be kind to me

Honey, don't feed me, I will come back

Walking down the photo pit after all the other photographers cleared off is my favorite part of the day. Or night, to be more precise. That’s when I shine: strutting along, ready to capture all those best moments that make all you bitches go feral during AND after the show. This is my queendom. I make content for you lot. And I’m damn good at it.

How do I know that? The numbers just skyrocketed after I joined the team. Ka ching! All those poor things that came before me had no idea how to do their job. Tried to do some lifeless artsy shit that might be good for booklets and collectors’ crap that only collects dust, but not followers. They listened to what the band and their management wanted, but that’s not how it’s done. Nuh uh. I listen to you, my dudes. Your screeches, howls and cries. Some say that you’re crazy, but I know better. I’m here to observe what drives you crazy, and then I shall stir it up even more. When it comes to online content, the only thing that matters is what YOU want.

Make no mistake, I create art too. The crucial difference is that it’s not shit. Socials need candid eye candy and I’m here to provide it. 

I gotta admit, they make my job quite easy. All four of them do, but the twins are human masterpieces. Born pretty, they gradually learned that they could monetize it just as much as their respective talents. I didn’t need to come up with a strategy; it’s always been there for the taking. The fact that my predecessors have been mostly ignoring this is a mind-boggling mystery to me. Those guys know for sure that they ruin your panties. I just needed to know how.

So I rolled up my sleeves and went down to the barricade to do my research. Marketing’s no rocket science. Veni, vidi, vici. I just looked at them through your eyes and your own photos, and let me tell you – you bitches aren’t crazy, you are right! Yeah, I saw it too. And I get it. Some people in the team wanna keep pretending that it’s all about the music – which is surprisingly good, by the way – but that’s not what makes you sleep in the dirt and sit on a curb for days, and then again…and again. Those sons of bitches basically fuck on stage, looking very tasty while doing so. Especially Frodo and Patchybeard. Whether it’s a guitar, a mic stand or just plain air – they just shag it! Y’all look like you can feel it, and they’re very well aware. It strokes their egos, so they just keep adding fuel to the fire. The first time I saw that, I just stood there with my mouth wide open and just laughed, and laughed, and laughed. It was a fucking orgy! And then, when it was time to walk into their bright conference room and pretend to do some serious business for a change, I put on my super serious and super professional face, and I told them what needed to be done. 

Let’s just take your usual fangirl stuff and make it official. Sorry, not sorry. You crave it, so what. I keep the Facebook page artsy and businesslike for those gramps and music snobs that would go batshit crazy if they saw any more pictures with sweaty “jummies”, sparkling dicks and marshmallow balls; but anywhere else, it’s a party. 

Some of you keep wondering why they behave like such frenzied horndogs all the time. My lovelies, the explanation is pretty simple. It’s because they are! You wanna know if they are like that in real life? Yes, the answer is yes! It’s good for the show, sure thing, and they’re both true born professionals creating a breathtaking spectacle. “It’s all for you, bla bla bla!” But the truth is that they’re naturals, not really much different offstage. Lusty, filthy, bad. 

Just kidding. They’re sweethearts. Lust-driven, whiny pups that want to be played with. When the show is over, they both follow me backstage like the good boys that they are, wagging their tails at me enthusiastically. 

Ooops, what did I just say? Lemme put my fingers to my mouth and giggle like a coy lady that I’m not. Some of you already suspect it anyway, and it was collectively decided that you should hate me with passion. I guess now I’m famous, too. D’oh!

So, yeah… When I said that it was there for the taking, I forgot to mention that I also wanted to take it. Life on tour is lonely and stressful. I’m not immune to that either. Sex helps. That’s why the rockstars of yore kept fucking everything that dared to come close while they were all high as a kite. Because why not…well, apart from the fact that unlike good sex, drugs actually ruin lives. No, I’m not a fan. 

Times have changed and today’s musicians – and I’m not talking about all those wannabes with backing tracks – really need to work hard to earn their bread.They’re self-aware and sober (Take that with a pinch of salt…they’re sober while actually working.). Often homesick. Sure, some of them are still jerks or junkies. Or both. Not a fan of these either. I worked with some and it was a nightmare. 

But, when I joined the Greta Van Fleet team, I found a bunch of down-to-earth and touch starved homeboys, well aware of their power but hesitant to act upon it. That’s the difference between having a huge dick and being one. They’re – and now let me let out a sob or two for the dramatic effect – gentlemen! 

You know what a sweetheart with a huge dick is? That’s your dream come true. Believe me. That’s just something you want. I certainly did.

Not from the start, though. No. They treat the crew like friends and family, and as much as that was certainly a pleasant change, I wavered initially. They were all so kind and gentlemanly that I just decided to keep my friendly distance, thinking they really were such mama’s boys that they appeared to be…The impression didn’t last long. Soon I heard them making jokes and lewd comments when they thought no one was listening. Some of those comments were about my bouncy ass, too. 

Men, am I right? 

Alas, sweethearts’ dicks are still just dicks, and neglect will gradually take its toll. I could see right through their nervous ticks. 

Jake was the first one that fell into my snares. I didn’t really pursue it; I’m not a monster. Like I said, we were lonely and stressed, and so it just happened one fine day. He craved human contact, and I was there. Life is complicated, but certain things are still pretty simple. Thank god, or whatever supernatural entity you believe in. 

It was a lovely evening in his 2-storey hotel apartment. He often got those, because the others had this habit of gathering together in his room to discuss business – since it was his band – and to get shitfaced in the process. 

We were both sitting cross legged on his bed, both already pleasantly booze-soaked and shrouded in semi-darkness, the only source of light being the dimmed lamps in the main room. I had been giving him a lecture on the importance of a good online presence that evening. Or at least I was trying to do that… When the others got a bit too rowdy, we retreated to his bedroom to have some privacy.

When it comes to online shit, Jake’s the most difficult one. He doesn’t like it. Plain and simple. He had created this cute mask of a smooth and aloof poet slash ancient adventurer, behind which he hides, but you bitches don’t like that. You like watching him talking to his SG in front of thousands like she’s his obedient whore. See, there’s a certain discrepancy in that. I kinda understood where it was coming from, him being in his element onstage and all that shit, but I also needed him to understand my point.

And it was tough. He’s complicated. He likes to pretend to be a tough, mysterious guy, but deep down he’s just a shy and wide-eyed fawn that bounces when you say “boo”. Not always, mind. I learned that  the hard way once when I was leaving his room with scarlet imprints of his fingers on my thighs. However, drunk Jake is a meek and needy cutiepie. I could definitely use it to my advantage. So I poured us more drinks. 

“I dunno, s’not really me,” he countered after I tried to explain one more time. 

I showed him another one of the most recent videos. “Are you telling me this is not you?”

I grew really fond of his quiet “hahaha” every time he felt discomfited and flattered at the same time. Just like now. Stroking his chin with his finger, he shifted nervously and continued: “Well, yeah…uuum…you like this?” 

That was the moment when I knew I had him firmly in my grasp. Yeah, Jakey, I reeeeally like it. Let me just show you how much.

I seized my chance. We laughed and joked and flirted and all that shit. Talking about his desirable body parts that y’all take snapshots of soon turned to physical manifestations and before we knew it, his fly was open, his fat cock hard and out and firmly in my hand. I brushed my thumb gently over his pink and already leaking head before I wrapped my fingers around his shaft once again and started pumping him slowly. He just sat there and watched me with his lips parted, both mesmerized and taken aback by how quickly things escalated. I returned his stare, looking him firmly in the eye while I quickened my pace, and his breathy exhales turned to full-fledged, loud moans. I tried to shush him by forcing my other thumb in his mouth… and that only made it worse. There were still other people in the adjacent room and the door was open, but he just wouldn’t shut up! I had to grab his chin and stick my tongue in his mouth to keep him quiet. 

That sobered him up a bit. He didn’t want me to stop, he just wanted to regain control. Our tongues wrestled for a few seconds before he grabbed my cheeks and returned the kiss in such a manner that made my pussy spasm. I liked that, and we continued like that until he came all over my fingers a few minutes later. Thankfully, someone put some music on in the other room and it muffled his moans a bit, because my mouth could no longer contain them. He howled in it. It was hot.

You know, I’ve had the misfortune to cross paths with assholes who’d just throw me out after that, both satisfied and ashamed that my skills made them finish so quickly and unceremoniously, without fanfare and praises. Not Jake. He had to reciprocate AND prove himself at the same time. He’s vain, but in a good, gentlemanly way. 

After everyone else left, he just fucked my brains out. It surprised me how much he wanted to kiss, and not just my lips (either kind). His tongue was running marathons all over my body, and if I remember it correctly, I think I came five times that night. Not my record, but still a very impressive first-time. 

After that, he just kept crawling back to me, stopping me in empty hallways just to whisper obscene poems about my hungry pussy in my ear. Talking about how he’d feed me. 

He’s a sly one: the kind of a man that would run his fingertips gently down your spine in a room full of other people, while talking casually about fucking you raw, only for you to hear. I mean, that’s exactly what he did once or twice. I’m sure our “conversations” always looked completely innocent from a distance, with only Josh sometimes watching us with his lips pursed. Sometimes his eyes even narrowed a bit. That feisty chipmunk knew from the very start, and I thought I could spot jealousy in that piercing stare of his. I enjoyed that, just as much as Jake enjoyed making me wet in public, and calling it “retribution”. Honestly, I didn’t mind. Punish me as much as you want, baby, and keep using all those fancy words while doing so. Yeah. 

I’m a born provocateur, so I often just asked for more. Every time I saw him start licking his lips absentmindedly, I struck. In the end, it was always him who had to calm down, to keep it cool…to hide his hard dick. 

We both loved it. It was our little fight for dominance. We teased each other and then there would be a reward. 

It was a bit different with Josh. He’s a lover, not a fighter. He doesn’t need to fight for dominance and so he often rejects that role voluntarily.

At first I thought he wouldn’t be interested at all, even though his grabby hands landed on my bare skin more often than some would deem comfortable. But he’s like that with everyone! Including Bob, the chalice filler. It often doesn’t mean a thing. 

I knew it meant something when he almost grabbed my ass once. I tried to experiment with the same strategy I once used on Jake: using his own weapons against him, making him cross the friendly line.

It happened during a soundcheck while I was showing him a preview of my next scheduled post. His weapon was right there, on full display, and I further accentuated it by a subtle, punny caption. It made him giggle and I winked at him. 

“So, you okay with this? I mean, it’s all over the internet anyway…”

“Dear sparrow, if I weren’t okay with this, you wouldn’t be able to take such a lovely picture of it.” His hand first landed on the small of my back familiarly, just like it always did, and as we talked about other pictures in the carousel, I felt his fingers move even lower until the tip of his pinkie slid under the hem of my pants. I cleared my throat ostentatiously and he drew his hand away quickly as if I had burned him. 

“You know, I should report you for harassment for this,” I said matter-of-factly, still looking at the screen, trying to look both cool and unphased, but the twitch in the corner of my mouth gave me away. A true master of reading such subtleties, he slapped his fingers with his other hand and grinned at me. “Naughty me. Can’t blame me. You just smell so nice, sparrow. What is that?” 

“Hypnotic Poison.”

“Right…” He licked his teeth in a vain attempt not to grin even more. To be hundred percent sure, he still asked me if I wasn’t mad. Sure I wasn’t. I had been waiting for this. 

We parted after that, minding our respective businesses, but all those fleeting glances he cast my way during the rest of the afternoon didn’t escape my attention. Later, just before the show, he cornered me in the bathroom, startling me. I almost poked my eye out with a mascara when I noticed him standing right behind me. “Jesus Fucking Christ on a stick, Josh!”

“Yeah, I’m all that.” It was obvious he wasn’t there to take a leak as he kept watching me watch him in the reflection and his eyes grew darker. I slowly turned around and ran my finger down the hem of his low neckline, even more slowly. Tentatively, almost. Never breaking eye contact and with his lips slightly parted, he let me go lower until I reached the zipper head and tugged at it playfully. 

“Black velvet really suits you, you know?” I teased.

“Yeah, I know.” 

Cheeky brat. You wanna play, baby? Let me show you how it’s done. I slipped the tips of my fingers under the hem of his cleavage until I found his left nipple and started running circles over it with my middle finger. His breath hitched and his eyes widened before he seemingly regained his composure and flashed me a sly smile. 

“So…ummm…you and Jake are…exclusive?”

“Wow, you’re pretty straightforward,” I laughed. “No, we’re not. Just having some fun. Why?” 

Why, indeed. He made it pretty clear why, and I let my tongue give him the answer he desired. After the show that very night, he knocked on my door with a shy smile plastered on his face after I opened it. I welcomed him in.

Josh never fought me. He always presented himself on a silver platter and let me do whatever I pleased. Then he repaid me when the payment was due. My initial impression of him being a pillow princess wasn’t completely off, but my god! The man can fuck! Never try to piss him off. Or you know what? DO try to piss him off, because it turns him to a jackhammer. 

I once called him a sissy and the wrath that poured down on me afterwards made me see stars. 

So that’s how it went. They both knew what was happening behind closed doors with the other one, and both were ok with that, as long as it didn’t interfere with their own plans. And that was just a matter of time. 

To tell you the truth, I did wonder what it would be like to have them both, so when the opportunity presented itself, I would be a fool not to encourage it. 

Every once in a while, there are shows where shit just happens and everything that can go wrong, does do wrong. It was one of those nights. Even back at the venue, right after the show, I saw how both their faces were twisted with tension, and maybe the best way to avoid even more trouble would have been to avoid them altogether. They weren’t the only people who had a rough night. I was exhausted, too. If I were a bit more responsible, I would have settled for a nice hot bath and a filthy book, but sadly, I’m a people pleaser. Also, nothing can calm me down better than the smell of male skin.

It was long past midnight when I heard a knock on my door. 

“It’s me, Bebe. Please, let me in.” 

That’s right. He gave me that nickname shortly after we started fucking, even though I teased him that he would never beat those allegation that way. 

If you guessed that I indeed did open the door, you’re right. He didn’t even wait for the invitation to enter this time. The stress was doing us no good. I could smell even more troubleon the horizon, but I ignored it.

“Jake, you can’t just storm inside like this. What if I had company?” It was no use to argue with him. No longer sober to begin with, he was already making himself at home and pouring himself another drink. 

“Please, Bebe, stop teasing. I need you! I promise you won’t regret it.”

“Well, tough luck! Josh asked first.”

“Oh no, no no no! It’s my turn, baby! You can’t do this to me. Tonight was hell. Call him and tell him that you’re mine.” I shot him a sharp look, so he added quickly: “... for the night. ” Well, that only made it worse. 

Funny how quickly they got accustomed to the fact that I was just within reach. I would have been offended if I weren’t aware of how insolently I played with them too. Still, I should have said no, but I’m just human. 

However, the whole situation was already a bit more complicated than that. “I can’t. He’s already here.” 

Jake cast me a confused look before he smiled sympathetically at my feeble attempt to get rid of him. “Where? Hiding in the closet?”

“No, he’s in the shower.”

He just stood there for a short while, contemplating something, before he grabbed my cheeks with both hands and whispered sultrily: “Please, love, just a blowjob then. Your mouth can do wonders, baby. I beg you.” Noticing that I wavered, he bent closer to whisper in my ear: “You can ride my face anytime you want. You know that.”

Again, I should have said no, but the said mouth already started watering when I noticed the rapidly growing bulge. Mentally, he was already hitting my tonsils. I was on my knees in seconds. I knew Josh usually took his time, so maybe it was manageable. And if not…well, surely there was a way to benefit from the hypothetical pickle, should it happen.

And it happened. I was deepthroating him with both his hands holding my head and his head tilted back, when we heard the door open.

“Jesus fuck, Jake!” 

The moment of surprise made me gag. Jake withdrew quickly and started tugging himself back in his pants, which wasn’t easy, given his current state. Josh, however, just stood there completely and unabashedly naked. “Get out!” he bellowed, completely forgetting that it was in fact MY room they were both in. 

“No,” Jake spat back.

They started barking at each other like berserk chihuahuas. I swear, I was seconds from throwing them BOTH out, dicks out and all. They could keep shouting at each other in the hall or even in the main lobby for all I cared, but the wicked creature in me wanted to see how this would escalate. And it escalated majestically. 

I hadn’t bothered to unpack my suitcase earlier that day. It just lay open on the floor with my purple vibrator placed haphazardly on top of my lingerie. Jake spotted it, bent down to retrieve it and before I could argue, he thrust it against Josh’s bare chest while his other hand patted his cheek: “Here, this should do. Now bugger off!” 

I think I stopped breathing for a second. They teased each other quite often, but this seemed downright mean, even to their standards. I think Jake realized it too, but it was too late. We both watched the flames that appeared behind Josh’s dilated pupils and before either of us could react, Josh started after him and pushed him against the wall. And so the party started. In a matter of mere seconds, Jake fist almost collided with Josh’s jaw. Thankfully, Frodo is quite nimble, so he ducked the blow and striked back, his knuckles colliding with Jake’s forearm. Watching them wrestle like that, fuming, limbs intertwined, I was almost sorry I had no popcorn at hand. It was a comical sight: Josh still completely naked, Jake barely tucked back in his jeans. 

Have you ever seen puppies fighting over a toy? That’s them. They were both so needy and neither one ready to give up. It was time to seize the opportunity, so I… started laughíng. Loudly and mockingly. They both let go of each other and turned their heads to the source of that offensive sound: me. 

I was sitting on the edge of my bed, leaning back on my arms and with my legs crossed, contemplating my next move. Realizing I had no panties under my punto tube dress, I decided to Basic Instinct them. Sure, nothing new, but men are simple creatures. A naked pussy is like the Moon they howl at. It’s always new. Moreover, the fact that they never saw me like this before together was surely a great bonding experience of its own. I watched their faces for more clues and grinned viciously when I saw exactly what I hoped for. See, they’re different in many ways including this. Jake licks his lips, while Josh clenches his jaw. I tutted at them, watching how they both raised their eyebrows in a silent question. 

“Guys! You both know very well that I got more than one hole.”

Hooked? Read Part Two.

@its-interesting-van-kleep @takenbythemadness @edgingthedarkness @writingcold @ignite-my-fire @jakekiszkasbuttsweat @fleet-of-fiction @lvnterninthenight @myownparadise96 @josh-iamyour-mama @jazzyfigz @sanguinebats @thewritingbeforesunrise @wetkleenex-gvf @lyndz2names @emojakekiszka @hollyco @lizzys-sunflower @fleetingjake @cheersdannyx2 @gvfstuddedmajesty @gvfmarge @dayumclarizzel @musicislove3389 @lipstickitty

[astupidweeb69]

You know x-virus don’t get enough love…. Do you have any head cannons regular or nsfw (maybe both)??

I've been thinking about this guy a lot lately for some reason. Also I've never written for Cody before so hopefully this came out okay.

I was going to work on Toby's but.... I have more inspiration for Cody at the moment. He absolutely doesn't get enough love!

X-Virus Headcannons

SFW

Isn't related to Toby at all. In fact doesn't really look like him either. Sure, he's got the brown hair, but he looks waaay more dorky than Toby does. While Toby has kind of a boy-next-door-from-hell look to him, Cody is more slender and works out less. He looks like your typical STEM student (sickly complexion, poor nutrition, etc.). His whole schtick requires him to stay indoors most of the time, in a make-shift lab.

Has a refrigerated van, which he paid to be converted to safely transport whatever science experiments he's got going on in a temperature-controlled environment.

He tries to stay in one place. He's less of a drifter than most of the other creeps but sometimes... the things he does requires him to uproot his life and start over in another town. (No Cody you can't just infect your landlord with a mutated form of tuberculosis when they raise your rent! There will be consequences!)

Has kind of a nasally voice. I feel like he always has a bit of a cold too.

Ironically has a shitty immune system, and probably drinks those Airborne Immune Support drink mixes like it's his job. Also a germaphobe, wearing medical gloves all the time, and his hands are dry and cracked from overusing sanitizer.

LOVES Re-animator. He's rewatched that movie more times than he can count. But he has a love for science fiction movies in general, with horror elements to them. Like Alien.

Also loves zombie apocalypse movies, but that's an obvious one. Specifically 28 Days Later and World War Z.

Sometimes he's like... should I try to make a zombie virus? nah.... unless...?

I also think he was raised by a single father, who worked for a large pharmaceutical company.

Antisocial. I know Toby and him are compared a lot and people give them similar 'hyperactive' personalities, but I don't see that for Cody at all.

Cody's more focused, and is less inclined to interact with others. He doesn't really get lonely?

I'd say he'd get along okay with someone like EJ (both like science, ya know?).

Toby and him hang out a bit - they'll stay in and watch movies together. Or Cody will tag along with him to a bar and watch as Toby fails to pick up anybody. Cody wouldn't say it to his face, but it makes him feel better about his own social skills to see Toby strike out like that.

NSFW (Under the cut!)

I don't know how he'd find himself in this situation - but if he DID have a partner.... the sex would be kind of bland at first?

He doesn't know what he wants and frankly is too much of a germaphobe to get up close and personal with someone he doesn't know well.

You'd have to spend months getting to know him for him to feel comfortable to engage in anything sexual.

I think at the start of the relationship, he'd want to experiment with voyeurism.

He'd be across the room watching you touch yourself, giving you directions while he slowly strokes his cock, loving the feeling of ordering you around.

But as things escalate, of course, he'd give in to his urges. However, the voyeurism would become how he likes to foreplay.

Out of all the creeps (most of whom I view as being dominant) he's actually pretty tame.

He whimpers a lot, and it sounds almost pathetic when he moans. He's been holding out for so long for the right person, and when he finally gets to fuck he's absolutely drunk off of you.

That said, his sex drive is about average.

One of his roleplay fantasies is him being the experienced scientist, and you being his lovely little assistant.

Probably started after the first time you helped him in his lab.

He just kept thinking of you in a tiny little lab coat, bent over his desk - papers and test tubes falling to the ground while his hips piston into you.