#poor Bentley trying so hard

[ineffable-hyperfixation]

Got in the car, mom left the radio on an oldies station (shared car and I don't care anyways, I like oldies too lol) and I just let it play cause it's a song I enjoy

Must every song be about them?

To be fair I only came in on the end so these were the lyrics I got:

Well, I keep on thinkin' 'bout you

Sister Golden Hair surprise

And I just can't live without you

Can't you see it in my eyes?

I've been one poor correspondent

And I've been too, too hard to find

But it doesn't mean you ain't been on my mind

And the most important bit:

Will you meet me in the middle?

Will you meet me in the air?

Will you love me just a little?

Just enough to show you care?

Well, I tried to fake it

I don't mind sayin', I just can't make it

[noneorother]

The art director & the Good Omens book cover tier list of doom, part 1

part 1 l part 2

This is going to have to be a multi-part series because there are *checks notes* 64 different covers that I've found so far.

I am your resident Art Director/Good Omens enthusiast, and welcome to my completely meta-free book cover tier list. Listen, making a book cover is HARD. I should know. But while we salute these artists for their hard work and time, I think we can all admit that once in a while, the vision is just not on. And on very rare occasions, publishers seemed to have managed to commission the cover art directly from hell... 1. The original UK cover

Ahh, the standard by which all shall be judged. We're starting off with a nice & easy cover, with adorable woodcuts of Aziraphale and Crowley flanking a custom Good Omens font! While I have to take a few points off for the terrible kerning of the word "GoOD", the blockprint vibes and general bitchiness of Aziraphale's teeny weeny wittle face, along with the sick colour palette puts the orignial in my good graces. Tier: Great

2. The duelling US covers

Progress! Hail to the designer who figured out trying to make "GoOD" and "OMeNs" fit the same width was a fool's errand, and even managed to IMPROVE on the original handmade title by adding a little halo and devil's tale to the design. Aziraphale and Crowley are facing each other, while also managing to serve absolute cunt. Aziraphale is wearing EIGHTIES SNEAKERS. Crowley's little snake boots have HEELS. They've managed to keep the woodcut vibes and colour simplicity, while balancing out the full title of the book. Both authors get to trade off on who's name comes first! Dare I say, this is a work of genius. I could dock some points for Crowley's sad bat wings growing out of his right clavicle, but who am I to question greatness.

Tier: Blessed by God Herself

3. The Halo Master Chief(?) cover

How the mighty have fallen... As a Canadian child, I was subjected to maybe the most horrifying ad in existence by the War Amps warning children about machine safety. This cover is the paper embodiment of that ad. I am confused by the purple haze. I am frightened by the seeming ethereal flatness of Adam and Dog. I am strangely aroused by Aziraphale's eyebrows, and intensely saddened by the terrible outline/drop shadow they had to inflict on the type to fit "Pratchett" in that god awful space. Tier: WTF

4. Germany, Ein Gutes Omen covers

This cover inexplicably exists in two colour ways: red and teal. I put the audiobook cover here so you could experience the full illustration, and also how fucked up it is that they cropped the book version to include three horse-people of the apocalypse, but cut off DEATH on the regular cover. Points must be given for drawing a pretty slick Bentley, but I think we have to take even more points away for turning Crowley into a Ray Charles/Mike Wazowski hybrid. The ducks are nice. Tier: Not so Good (Omens)

5. Germany, Ein Gutes Omen covers continued

I don't know if the German designer of this cover *knew* that they were using western yeehaw cowboy woodblock letters when they made this cover, but judging by how they spaced the rest of the text at the bottom, THEY DID NOT CARE. And that seems to be a running theme for this one. We get kind of a duality thing going on with the black and pink background, but it just seems like somebody whispered the general themes of Good Omens into a jar, and threw it down a well, and this poor chap came along and picked it up. The baffling choice to align every piece of text on the cover *except* Neil Gaiman's name which is right aligned and rotated 90 degrees (not even real vertical type) will haunt my dreams, I think.

Tier: Bad

6. US, UK The Traffic Jam cover

For the love of Good Omens, WHY. I can think of so many more interesting symbols to put on the cover of this book than the ODEGRA SIGIL TRAFFIC JAM. Props for keeping the good colours and type, but like, I think this cover was secretly designed by @amtrak-official, or someone who just really, really likes public works. Tier: Does the Job

7. France, De bons présages cover

Leave it to France to make sure people know that Aziraphale and Crowley fuck severely. While I can't condone leaving out half the title of the book (and thinking a red carpenter's square counts as decoration), I can begrudgingly acknowledge that Ron Pearlman and Benedict Cumberbatch's love child is excellent Crowley casting. I think I give this a solid dark academia/10. Tier: Good (Omens)

8. France, De bons présages covers continued

Just imagine with me, if you will, the absolutely hilarious reality that this cover posits: Good Omens is exactly the same in every respect, but Crowley drives a pink 1950s convertible. Why do all of the colours on this cover look like they've been pre-digested? Why are the font choices and placement so bafflingly bad. My face is the demon's face holding that car. I feel his pain.

Tier: WTF

9. France, De bons présages covers continued

Minus points for not managing to write the full title of the book once again. I don't know what it is with the French. They seem pretty set on Good Omens being demonic. While I do appreciate a good Bosch-style demon party, the dude in the middle confounds me. All-caps Museo Sans that isn't even *centred* in the frame is just so lazy. I am le tired. Tier: Bad

10. France, De bons présages covers continued

Uhh. The font. The font is okay.... I think? Yeah. The font and kerning are. Okay. OHHH GOD I LOOKED DOWN BELOW THE TEXT WHYYYY. Tier: WTF

END of round one. I need a nap.

[tossyouforedinburgh]

I wrote something and it didn't really seem long enough to post on ao3 but like... vaguely adult content I guess? I've still not figured how that works (or doesn't) on Tumblr. so have it under the cut. short ineffable phonecall about wall slams

"are you on your way?" Aziraphale asked cheerfully down the phone by way of hello. 

"oh. er. Angel, look, I've had a really shitty day, I think I'm going to stay in my flat and watch shitty TV until I fall into a shitty sleep. I think there's a new series of Love Island on." 

Aziraphale had no idea what that was but he didn't think it sounded like particularly good viewing. "if you're going to wallow and sulk, you can do it at mine. I've got wine, and you can tell me about your awful day and I can make very sympathetic noises." 

"no. I would be extremely poor company." Crowley made a point of switching on the TV and turning it up loud enough it could be heard through the phone. 

"oh I've been tolerating your moods for thousands of years," Aziraphale replied airily. 

"Angel." Crowley gritted his teeth. "I am trying. to tell you. that I don't WANT. to take my bad mood out. on you." 

the pause that followed was unreasonably long. Crowley felt his layers of irritation grow; he was trying to do a considerate thing, trying to grow as a person. if Aziraphale didn't appreciate his efforts he could go stick it. and if he didn't stop being so difficult he was going to find out exactly where in some graphic detail.

"but..." Aziraphale began awkwardly. "I rather think the angelic thing to do would be to absorb your bad mood for you. if you let it fester out into the world, that would be terrible, wouldn't it? but I, well I am a creature of, of love and such like, you couldn't harm me by being grumpy." 

this was utter bullshit and it made Crowley's teeth itch. what the fuck was he doing now? was he actually angling for Crowley to snap at him? 

"I don't mind. I could leave all the doors ajar so you could slam them. I... I'll stand near the wall so you can pin me up against it." 

there was another intense silence, but this time it was Crowley's doing. oh, he was. he was deliberately goading him into this. why would the angel want to be roughed up? completely unwanted, a voice whispered into Crowley's brain: maybe he's into that. angels aren't into that sort of thing, Crowley hissed back in his thoughts. and definitely, absolutely, neither am I. 

"I think it would make you feel better," Aziraphale added very quietly. 

Crowley remembered the last time he had done that very thing; in Tadfield, in an ex Satanic nunnery. he'd pressed his hips up against Aziraphale, just to hold him in place of course, and he'd briefly thought, and then thought it was ridiculous, that the angel might just have had an erection at the time. angels definitely don't get erections from being roughed up in Satanic nunneries. 

"just to be clear," Crowley said, and he'd already switched off the TV and picked up his car keys, "are you doing this to be self sacrificing or because you're... you're..." oh Jesus Christ, Mary, Joseph and a stable full of donkeys, he was actually going to say this out loud because if he didn't say it out loud he was going to spontaneously discorporate. "because you're... getting off on it?" 

there was a very guilty silence. eventually, Aziraphale replied, "are you judging me?" 

"yes. massively. hugely." 

"only I did rather think that time in Tadfield that you definitely got hard holding me against that wall." 

the sound of the Bentley roaring to life rattled out of Aziraphale's old rotary telephone. Freddie Mercury launched into Tie Your Mother Down. "Angel, I'll see you in five minutes. think of something incredibly irritating to say to me as a greeting." and with that Crowley hung up the phone and put his foot down.

[gingiekittycat]

Does Crowley actually love Aziraphale?

The more I think about season 2, the more I write about it here on Tumblr and in fic, the more I'm starting to believe that he... doesn't.

Not yet anyway.

I think there is something deeply unhealthy about what Crowley feels for Aziraphale, as evidenced by how completely miserable he is this season. He's so afraid of losing Aziraphale, losing their "precious, peaceful, fragile existence", that he's worked himself into a constant state of anxiety. He's angry this season. He's upset. He's scared. He's trying so hard to hold something so tightly because he thinks if he loses it, he won't be able to survive.

He's always two minutes away from Aziraphale's door. He's sleeping in his car. Could he get another flat? I'm sure he could. Anthony J. Crowley could figure out a way to get another flat. He doesn't want to. He wants to be ready to go to Aziraphale at a moment's notice. He desperately does not want Aziraphale to go to Edinburgh, because he's afraid something will happen to him there. He doesn't give a shit about Aziraphale driving his car, he just doesn't want Aziraphale to leave. And then even when he does give in, he checks up on him, he puts some creepy "I can feel what you do to the Bentley" charm on his poor car, to keep checking up on him. The closer he feels to losing Aziraphale, the tighter he clings to him, until he's literally following him around everywhere (like when Aziraphale is trying to convince all the shopkeepers to come to his meeting).

I could go on. And on and on.

The point is, as we see from the Job episode, that Crowley is lonely. He didn't fit in at Heaven, he doesn't fit in with Hell, and from the first rainstorm in the Garden of Eden "our hero" has coped by clinging to the one person who has showed him any sort of relief from that loneliness.

He's not in love. He's obsessed.

He's been obsessed since the Garden. Popping up wherever Aziraphale is, following him around the Earth. Saving his skin, if need be, even though Aziraphale is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. And it gets stronger and stronger as the years pass, as they get closer to each other, as they get closer to Armageddon, and then as they deal with the aftermath.

Crowley never used the word "love" in his confession. I think that's a deliberate writing choice, not necessarily because Crowley didn't want to use the word. I think Crowley thinks it's love, but the fact that he didn't use that word shows the audience that it's not. He's desperate for the idea of an "us", even in season 1 he's obsessed with it, "we're on our side", "us against them." A group of the two of them. Crowley is obsessed with the idea that they are part of something together, something bigger than themselves, because Crowley is not part of anything else, not Heaven, not Hell, and he just wants to belong.

And with all that said... I think it's good that they broke up.

I think it's a good thing for Crowley. I think he needs to take a break. I think he needs to work on himself, work through some of his trauma. I think he can love Aziraphale, but he's got to do some work to get there.

Will we get this in season 3? We'll have to see...

[rel312]

I HAD NO IDEA SEASON 2 CAME OUT ALREADY SO NOW IM GOING TO SCREAM ABOUT IT

Episode 1:

CROWLEY WANTED TO TAKE AZIRAPHALE BACK TO THE PLACE THEY FIRST MET

CROWLEY PROTECTED AZIRAPHALE FIRST IM SCREAMING

(My brother actually came into my room to tell me to shut up)

Of course Aziraphale would just forgive 8 months rent

Lmao Gabriel’s just walking down the street ass naked

Gabriel just hugged Aziraphale I can’t

“James. Long for Jim, short for Gabriel”

Crowley knows Aziraphale so well, but poor guy he only calls him for 3 reasons

Poor Crowley is trying so hard not to freak out about the “naked man friend”

The conversation between Crowley and Jim I can’t

Maggie and Nina are trapped together!!

Michael and Uriel are fighting let’s gooo

Crowley just casually let the girls out lmao

THERES AN I WAS WRONG DANCE OH MY GOD

THEYRE PERFORMING A MIRACLE TOGETHER

Aaaaaand of course it goes immediately wrong

Episode 2:

Gabriel’s wig is atrocious

IS AZIRAPHALE GOING TO BE THE SUPREME ARCHANGEL NOW

A jukebox that turns every song into Everyday like the Bentley with Queen, hmmm….

Crowley looks like a doting partner bringing his husband a drink

“Get humans wet and staring into each other’s eyes, vavoom, sorted” sir… are you telling me that’s what did it for you???

Crowley’s so confounded that Jane Austen wrote books

THE VOICE OF GOD???

HE TURNED ALL THE GOATS INTO BIRDS

Crowley scaring the kids cause they were brats but not actually killing them aww

The little girl asking to be a blue lizard with her siblings she’s so cute

CROWLEY TAUGHT AZIRAPHALE TO EAT

I cannot believe Aziraphale was the first to talk about sides I love them

Crowley and Aziraphale working together for the first time to save the kids

Aziraphale looks so shaken to have lied poor baby

Crowley babe he’s begging for you to drive him

“Our car” you can’t take it that far lol

Poor Aziraphale really thought he was gonna fall he was about to cry

Crowley was so soft in that last scene

Episode 3:

Jim’s stuff is all labeled

Aziraphale looks like a proud father to Muriel

Crowley’s moving the plants to use the car

They both look like parents I love them

Crowley brought Aziraphale to a cemetery because he thought it would amuse him, that is date behavior

Crowley is about to kill Aziraphale for changing his car

NESSIE?!?!

“Operation: Lovebirds” Crowley is such a dork

Aziraphale just is not getting anything lol

Crowley… shrunk himself??? And then grew himself????

Crowley tempted her to be good I love him

I love the very closed sign

Demons can’t enter somewhere uninvited???

He’s so angry Aziraphale might be hurt

Episode 4:

BEEBOP

“His type”????

“I remember hearing that you and Crowley were an item” HOLY SHIT

HE CALLED CROWLEY HIS GOOD FRIEND AFTER THE CHURCH!!!

“This office has gone 13 5 0 days without anyone saying ‘THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED’”

Glad to see Aziraphale in his magic era

Crowley’s impression is hilarious

“Someone you can really trust” and his first thought is Crowley 🥹

Aziraphale has a gun and Crowley has never shot one

Crowley was shaking he was so scared and Aziraphale was so proud of his trick

Furfur not knowing how to pronounce Aziraphale lmao

Sleight of hand!

Look at them finding a middle ground in shades of grey!

Lmao Crowley would murder him if he knew Aziraphale didn’t put the brakes

Episode 5:

They’re talking about Doctor Who

Aziraphale’s giving books and Crowley’s playing with crystal balls, I love them

Aziraphale being bad at French is so funny to me

Nina grilling Crowley on his relationship with Aziraphale is everything

Crowley was confronted with his feelings and immediately went out to get a drink with Aziraphale

Crowley’s so mad go off king

The matchbox!

Aww look at Crowley denying he’s nice

The romantic music while Crowley looks at Aziraphale with the chandelier

Oh. My. GOD. Jim’s suit!

Lol that’s not what I was expecting when they said masks will be provided

AZIRAPHALE WANTS TO DANCE WITH CROWLEY

THEYRE DANCING!!!!!!

“Surrender the angle”

Gabriel’s coat!!

“T. O. S. T. E.”

“You’re a good lad” “not actually, either”

“Rescuing me makes him so happy” you can’t just say things like that and expect me to be normal about it

Episode 6:

Crowley’s just bouncing around in heaven

“I’m done with being scared” *flips them the bird*

Oh sweetie, you meant well but no

“Crowley’s emotional support angel” yes, yes that’s exactly what he is

Crowley’s little supportive punch to Muriel was so cute

AZIRAPHALES HALO?!?!

THE FLY

Gabriel x Beelzebub confirmed??

The fact that Gabriel and Beelzebub were able to sort this out in a few years while it’s taken Crowley and Aziraphale 6000 is insane

And the fact that Aziraphale grabbed Crowley’s arm when he realized that

Crowley’s so impressed with Aziraphale bringing everyone to order

Aziraphale’s face at Crowley talking about Alpha Centauri

Aziraphale looking at Crowley with so much love in his eyes is giving me life

THE METATRON?!?!

Aziraphale looking to Crowley for permission I can’t

Crowley knowing Aziraphale will come back and saying they need “a little us time” at the Ritz

Crowley getting antsy that Aziraphale’s not back yet

Nina taking inspiration from Crowley and calling Maggie angel my beloved

Crowley looks devastated that Aziraphale interrupted him

Aziraphale looks so incredibly happy at getting Crowley to be an angel again but there’s no way Crowley wants that

Crowley’s getting so emotional

“Just be an us” stooooopppppp

“I need you” I can’t take this!

Nightingales

THEY KISSED!!!!!!!!!

Aziraphale touched his lips after I’m dying

Aziraphale stop being so stupid and get him back

The- the second coming??

YOU CANNOT END IT HERE

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

Please tell me there will be a season 3 I can’t handle this

[maccreadysbaby]

A Hundred Ways to Become a Wayne

batfamily + oc insert

tw: angst?

wanna read more? here’s the table of contents!

want to read the first fic in the hundred days series so you understand what’s going on here? here it is!

YOU GUYYYSSSS

part forty

❝ THE BEGINNING OF THE END ❞

THURSDAY — SEPTEMBER 10 — 3:47 PM

WITHIN TWO DAYS, DR. KEENE HAD BEEN ARRESTED, AND JOHN WHITTAKER WAS MOVED INTO ARKHAM.

And two days after that, no plan b had been set into motion. The Secret Keeper hadn’t been seen, and neither had any metahumans or missing children. It was like time froze; like they were all hunkering in the labs no one knew the location of. Stalking. Waiting for something. A signal. A word.

Bentley had been spending most of his time recovering. He couldn’t remember a thing from his sickness, not a second of it, but he sure could feel it for a few days. His whole body was sore and he slept a ton. Life was largely… still sort of normal. Apart from the newly acquired superpowers, which Bentley was slowly getting the hang of. The hard part wasn’t controlling the water, it was controlling his emotions so the water didn’t, like, kill people. Which had been going pretty okay.

Asten and Nico were doing good. Both were healthy and at home, living their own lives. Turned out, Asten hadn’t been so pissed about Nico taking him to the Manor. What he had been pissed about, however, was Bentley spilling the entire truth to Bruce, which he had confessed to them over text. Nico was fine with it; he probably would’ve done it already. And he knew Bruce was Batman, which made it better. (It had also slipped that Nico knew everyone’s superhero identities, which went strangely, strangely well.) Asten, however, promptly stopped texting Bentley and hadn’t since. (Queue a spiral of Asten hates me thoughts at a family dinner that ended with most of the table's drinks levitating. But, on the bright side, Bentley got them all back in the right glasses.)

But that was okay. Bentley was okay. Everything would be okay. 

“Check,”

Bentley looked down at the chessboard with a sigh. “I’m not very good at this.”

“You’ll get it. It’s complicated at first,” Tim replied from the other side of the table. He seemed… good. He was allowed to monitor the Batcomputer again, and looked way better. Less sick. Bentley was thankful — he’d missed Tim.

In the last three hours, he and Tim had played over a dozen mean games of checkers at the den’s board game table, and were now trying their hand at chess; a game Tim was very good at, and Bentley had little to no idea how to play. He was told it was easier to learn as you go. He didn’t think so.

Tim turned out to be freakishly good at chess, actually. He’d already beat Bentley twice and was trying his best to explain, but the poor kid just wasn’t getting it. (He was more or less moving his pieces exactly like Tim was. At least it wouldn’t be wrong!)

“Did you see anything on the computer last night?” Bentley questioned, moving one of his pieces completely randomly. Tim seemed like he wanted to correct the turn, but ended up just going with it instead. “Nope. No Secret Keeper, no metahumans. Only petty crime and gang activity.”

Bentley nodded to himself. “What about the news?”

“Nothing concerning or suspicious,”

To say Bentley was a little stressed out about the infamous plan b would be an understatement. He was told not to watch the news or Batcomputer, but he wasn’t told not to ask. Gotham burning because of him was pretty much directly his business. (And his fault. Queue a late night bathroom flood that he managed to fix before anyone else noticed just a few nights ago.)

“Here — let’s start over,” Tim suggested, moving all of his pieces back to the beginning of the game. Bentley followed suit, lining them up just like he did.

“May I take over, Drake?”

Bentley and Tim both craned their necks to glance over at the door of the den, where Damian was standing. Bentley hadn’t really seen him outside of family meals and times when everyone was together. 

He was wearing a deep green hoodie and black sweatpants, leaning against the door, and he and Tim seemed to have some kind of weird, thirty-second staring contest in which they spoke with their eyes before Tim finally stood up and made his way out of the den.

Damian made his way to the other side of the chessboard and sat down there. “Did he teach you how to play?”

Bentley glanced up at him, meeting his greenish-blue eyes for the first time in a long time. “Sort of, I guess. I’m not very good.”

Damian hummed in response, moving one of the pieces on the board. Bentley simply copied the movement with one of his.

“Father told me you ran away because of what I said, and that I should apologize,” Damian spoke up, a strange expression taking over his features, like talking that way was literally paining him. “I… did not mean for you to get so upset.”

Bentley said nothing, watching closely as Damian moved another piece on the board and trying to move one of his own correspondingly. 

“But… you did not do anything wrong to make me angry at you. I… guess I was… jealous. Of how much everybody loves you. Drake and Richard and Todd — they all flock to you. They acted like brothers to you way faster than they did for me; I still do not think Drake likes me. I understand that I am different from you, but seeing such a stark difference in my family made me… upset. After all, I am a Wayne by blood, and I felt… inferior,” He explained quietly. 

Bentley watched as Damian blinked, glancing around with a sigh. “I… am not very good at talking about this type of thing.”

“Me either,” Bentley replied honestly. “But I think you’re doing a good job.”

Damian glanced up at him, and with a exhale, moved another piece. “I guess I… I saw the way my father treated you, and… and Richard stopped spending time with me and started spending it with you instead. Watching your relationships with everybody around me flourish and become better than mine… losing the interest of my family to someone else… it hurt.”

Bentley breathed in and moved another piece on the chessboard. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“It was not your fault. Being jealous was my mistake — I have been taught better than to let it cloud my judgment, and yet, it got the better of me,” Damian moved another piece. “I have always felt like an outsider in this family, due to my upbringing and differences from everybody else. Being Robin after Drake made it worse. I have always felt like I had to work to make them love me. You went to school and had friends on the first day. I suppose… watching another child join the family and get everything I had worked so hard for handed to him made me overreact.”

Bentley said nothing, but kept watching the pieces on the board move. 

“I am sorry, Bentley. I said a lot of inappropriate things to you. The truth is, your spot in this family is not built on pity or sympathy, but something much, much more… real. And it made me feel threatened. It was not right for me to take it out on you. And I sincerely apologize for all of my behavior recently,” Damian said softly. “The truth is, I have never had a real family before this one. I had my mother, of course, but this is very different… better. And, in all honesty, thinking about losing them to someone else, to anything, it… scares me. A lot.”

At that, Bentley snickered. Damian’s head snapped up, and his gaze grew cold. “Why are you laughing?”

“Nothing bad, it’s just… we’re a lot more similar than I thought, that’s all,” Bentley explained, moving one of his chess pieces. “Losing all of this has… I guess… kind of became one of my worst fears. And I do stupid stuff, like run away, to try and keep that from happening. We’re doing the same exact thing, just… differently.”

Damian nodded slightly, taking his turn. “I suppose we are.”

A moment of silence passed.

“Perhaps we can find a way to… deal with it… jointly.”

Bentley looked up at him. “You mean, together?”

“It’s not my typical behavior, I do admit, but I believe that would be the most beneficial course of action. We have the same motives; working together to not do, quote-on-quote, stupid things, would be the ideal solution.”

Bentley nodded. “Okay.”

They both moved another piece. “And, since I am being honest… I… miss doing things with you.”

Bentley smiled slightly. “Me too.”

Damian moved a piece on the board. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, I do not deserve it; but… perhaps we can… still try and do things like we used to?” 

“I already forgave you,” Bentley said, taking his turn.

“What?”

“I already forgave you,” He repeated, glancing up at Damian. “I never blamed you. I knew you probably didn’t mean to hurt me, and that something else was going on. Plus, when anything around here goes wrong, the only person I’m trained to blame is myself,” He said, shaking his head. “I’m not upset at you, Damian. And I do miss you, too.”

A long moment of silence passed where no one said anything until Damian uttered: “Checkmate.”

Bentley snickered again. “I’m terrible at this.”

“You are pretty abysmal, yes,”

He and Damian made eye contact and started laughing, for the first time in what felt like a literal forever.

Maybe everything would be okay.

—

SATURDAY — SEPTEMBER 12 — 6:51PM

Okay, so Bentley was really loving the whole superpower thing. Not only could he make water go where he wanted, but he could also make it do what he wanted. For example, he could use a little stream of water to pick things up, like an extra hand, or break things, or cut things. (Yes, the fallen tree in the backyard was from him. It was experimental.)

Currently, though, his favorite thing to do with it was wrap the water around his own feet and use it like a skateboard. He could make it go really darn fast. It was pretty much the funnest thing he’d done in his entire life. And, when he was done, he wasn’t even wet!

Actually, that was exactly what he was doing right now, at sunset, in the backyard with Damian, Nico (who had slept over), Titus (the dog), and Ace.

Now that Bentley and Damian were friends again, life felt normal. Like actually normal, all except for the fact that Asten still wasn’t talking to him. But that was fine, he guessed. He didn’t let it bother him that much.

Nico had acquired a new power over the past few days — and it was manipulating the air beneath him so that he could fly. Straight up levitating-in-the-air fly. Which was awesome and sort of unbelievable. 

Now, the three of them were playing with the dogs, throwing toys from the sky and making the trusty Wayne canines chase their impossibly fast movements, and had been for almost an hour.

“Bentley, I am not sure this is the safest means of travel,” Damian stated. He was across the yard from Bentley, also standing on a platform of water and pretty much hating it. He was struggling to balance (which was odd considering he was Robin), and even though he literally wouldn’t hit the ground if he fell, was surprisingly unsteady.

Bentley chuckled, moving across the yard on the water seamlessly and quickly with a chew toy that Titus was chasing. “Don’t you trust me?”

“You, yes. Magical levitating water, no,”

“C’mon, we won’t let you fall!” Nico announced, dropping low to the ground and flying in a few circles around Damian. “This is the safest you’ll ever be!”

“I seriously doubt that. Although I assume I appreciate the sentiment,” Damian replied, wobbling slightly when the water lifted him up a bit higher in the air.

“Lean where you want to go like you’re on a skateboard. It’ll move when you want it to,” Bentley announced, demonstrating by taking a steady but sharp u-turn that threw Titus for a (literal) loop.

Damian scrunched his nose. “How do you know?”

“Because the water does what I tell it to,” Bentley deadpanned. “Duh.”

“I presume-“

In the distance, there was a loud, thundering crash that made everybody jump. Loud like hurricane loud. Loud like atom bomb loud.

Nico promptly landed back on the grass, and Bentley made the water seep back into the dirt and leave him and Damian on dry ground.

“What the heck was that?” Nico questioned, blue eyes wide, flicking around warily. Bentley looked around the grounds surrounding the Manor, but couldn’t come up with much.

“I don’t know,”

“It sounded like-“

“Dami!”

The three of them turned to face the porch, where Dick was standing, an urgent look spread across his face. “C’mon, we need you!”

Oh, so something really serious was happening? What was happening?

The three of them made for the house at once, and Bentley assumed it was really, really serious when Dick went straight into the cave in front of Nico with no discretion at all.

They followed him closely, and halfway down the stairs, Nico nudged Bentley’s shoulder. He had his phone in hand. “I missed four calls from Asten.”

Bentley glanced down at his pockets, patting them and then withdrawing his phone. On the lock screen, there sat Asten’s name. Four times.

“Me, too,” He muttered. Nico tapped on Asten’s name and brought it to his ear. Bentley heard it go straight to voicemail.

“That can’t be good,” Bentley muttered, and Nico shook his head.

When they made it to the cave, it seemed to be crunch time. Tim was all Red Robin-ed up, sitting at the Batcomputer, typing furiously, and Bruce was but two feet away in his full Batman gear besides the cowl. Jason was about halfway into being Red Hood, Dick ran off to get ready, Cass and Steph zoomed out of the cave on guttural sounding motorcycles, and Damian made for the locker room, where his suit was.

“Holy shit,” Nico muttered, breathless.

Bentley, amused by his cursing but not enough to crack a smile, made for the Batcomputer in record time. “What’s happening?”

In the center of the massive screen was an aerial view of Gotham from what looked like a drone. Bentley’s question was answered indisputably by a building — an entire actual building, with a bunch of floors and all — rumbling and shaking at the base, the entire thing collapsing from the bottom up with a loud crash that rumbled the sides of the cave, smoke and dust pluming up into the sky and making it hard to see. The city was indeed glowing, but not in it's normal sunset lights way. 

Gotham was burning. 

There were flames everywhere; licking out of the windows of buildings, vehicles burning on the streets, trees and plants and flower beds charred, entire multi-story buildings engulfed in flame. How many people had… how many people were…?

Bentley’s father had warned him about this, and still, he told the truth anyways. (How stupid was that? Bentley Whittaker was still on his ten year streak of doing absolutely nothing beneficial.)

“I’m trying to triangulate the epicenter of the destructive energy, but I’m struggling. It’s powerful everywhere,” Tim said, more to himself than Bruce, still furiously typing away on the computer. The keys he was pressing were showing up as lines of code in a box in the bottom left corner of the screen. The top right corner also had a little box in it, cycling through what looked like the most prevalent news channels and stories.

“I’m going to have a heart attack,” Nico whispered, drifting up next to Bentley and looking at the computer. “I’m in the Batcave.”

“Bentley, are you positive your father didn’t say anything else about this plan b? Anything at all?” Bruce questioned, moving away from the computer to a different part of the cave.

“No…” Bentley muttered, watching the news stories flick to pictures of charred bodies and immediately looking away. “All he said was… when the elements are against each other, fire always wins. That’s all.”

Bruce got a calculating look on his face and pulled his cowl up.

“There! Make that bigger!” Nico exclaimed, pointing at the current news story that was running in the top corner. Tim blew the tab up to twice it’s normal size and put the volume on.

On the screen was a video of a semi-truck, upside down in a deep, deep ravine, burning and smoking. The headline read: semi-truck failure in Somerset.

“-unfortunately, driver Samuel Evans was killed almost instantly in the windshield-first impact. There were no witnesses around to see exactly what caused the truck to swerve off the road-“

Samuel Evans. Where had Bentley heard that name before? 

“Oh my God,” Nico muttered, bringing his hands up to his mouth. “That’s Asten’s uncle.”

Bentley blinked, looking at the upside down semi-truck. Asten’s uncle was dead, and they’d missed all his calls.

When the elements are pitted against one another, fire always wins.

“This is it,” Bentley muttered. Nico looked over at him, furrowing his brows. 

“What?”

“The Secret Keeper showed me you finding your adoption papers. In that dream I saw a big door in your house that had the Greek gods on it. Hephaestus, god of fire, was destroying everything, and the gods of water and air were trying to save him… and… and in the videos, Dr. Keene talked about powers becoming volatile under emotional stress… The Secret Keeper could see the future, they had it all planned out…” Bentley muttered, swallowing thickly. “This is it — the end my father was talking about.”

Nico swallowed thickly, too. “And you’re saying…”

Bentley looked back at the screen, at the rapidly crumbling buildings behind an upside down semi. The drone moved to a tall building Bentley had seen before, not too long ago, in a dream, with a small figure with blue hair and orange eyes standing on top of it.

“…We have to fight Asten,”

—

dedicated to @sassenashsworld 💚

—

tag list! (If you want me to remove or add you, ask in comments!)

@fleur-alise @sarcopterygiian @flyrobinflyy @skylathescholar @gayboss-too-close-to-the-sun @xiaonothere @beatyoutothatusernameloser

[ineffablenlghtingales]

So it starts off with Aziraphale driving back from Edinburgh in Crowley’s Bentley. He keeps passing this random hitchhiker and is eventually forced to stop.

It turns out to be Shax. (She's weird, I don't really like her). She tells Aziraphale that she is taking over Crowley’s job, and she wants to know where Gabriel is. Aziraphale denies any knowledge of this, but he lets the truth slip by accident.

Then we get fantastic flashbacks to 1941 (remember Crowley scrambling into the church and rescuing his angel? Then the bomb going off?) Also, hello Mark Gatiss and co as zombie Nazis.

The Nazis are registered by the demon Furfur. (His hair gets an honorable mention. He sort of reminded of some undead German composer and eww creepy is an understatement with that guy).

Furfur grants the three Nazis a temporary license to be able to go back to Earth as zombies for 24 hours to gather proof of Crowley's cooperation with Aziraphale. If they can prove Crowley and Aziraphale are working together, then they will be granted freedom from damnation. To help them with this, Furfur hands them a miracle blocker.

Then begins the silliness of Azi insisting and really trying very hard to work the magician gig. Crowley and he arrive at a theatre and Crowley makes a delivery of alcohol? But all the bottles are broken because well-p, he was right next to a bomb that went off, whoops. The poor old woman who made the order is not happy, complaining that the magician who was supposed to perform that night won't come. Azi decides to take his place.

The two of them step into a magic shop for inspiration for some phantasmic trick to pull off. Aziraphale is looking for a showstopper and comes across the bullet catch trick. The shop owner discourages Aziraphale from purchasing the trick bc Aziraphale has shown just how much of a hand he has for real magic tricks (sarcasm, to clarify).

Okay and the bit where Crowley sits there, watching Aziraphale practice and pretends to be an old man waiting to be impressed. Oh my god, David. I was laughing. But I really loved the bit where Crowley tells him that if he's going to be performing at West End, then it must mean that he's good enough for it (or something like that, to paraphrase. Demon's trying to encourage his angel. I love it.)

At the West End, Aziraphale nervously takes to the stage. (Then I got to thinking about the miracle blocker. Did the two of them intend to pull of the trick with a miracle? Like Crowley'd fire the gun but somehow miracle it to not actually discorporate Aziraphale or whatever?) Anyway if they did, those hopes are dashed because Furfur initiates the miracle blocker, meaning Aziraphale’s first magic trick fails spectacularly.

Also I died when Aziraphale calls out in the crowd, asking for anyone with experience with a gun. ALL the young men in the crowd raise their hands, Crowley does not. I could hear him saying "Nope. Angel, no. I'm going to be honest with you, I don't have experience with a gun. No, no. no." The angel picks a volunteer at random, choosing Crowley out of the crowd.

The poor boys! Crowley goes up on stage, and they greet each other, saying behind their smiles, "My miracles aren't working!"

The trick is a success, Crowley fires and misses Aziraphale’s head. I love how, in the midst of the success, Crowley's basically like "No paperwork! :D" Where as Aziraphale's like "Yes! We did it!" Haha is the paperwork for discorporation really that bad??? They celebrate afterward in their dressing room. Furfur confronts them, showing Crowley the evidence that he’s just snapped the two together.

Crowley denies the allegations, saying it is just a coincidence. Again, Mr. Dramatic just doesn't give a shit and decides to take a nap on the couch. Aziraphale asks to look at the photograph and genius that he is, secretly switch the picture with a flyer.

Back in the present day, Shax is determined to lead an army and attack Aziraphale’s bookshop to kidnap Gabriel. Beelzebub agrees with Shax’s plan and she now has permission to get Gabriel by any means necessary.

Meanwhile, in London, Aziraphale and Crowley reunite, and the demon tells Azi his attempt to make Maggie and Nina fall in love failed, so now it's up to Azi to play matchmaker.

I loved, loved, loved this episode.

[writingsofwesteros]

Okay we have dad Tyland but how about modern sugar daddy!Tyland?

Like Jason makes a bet that Tyland won’t talk to that pretty new intern let alone get her into his bed. It’s Jason’s way of getting Tyland to finally ask her out. He tells Tyland that she’s struggling with paying her bills and hey it’s Tylands chance to be her knight in shining armor.

Tyland does end up asking her to be his sugar baby, and she says yes but it’s no strings attached sex and if either one catches feelings then it ends right away. He agrees immediately, even though he’s been half in love with her for months. The first thing he pays off is her credit card, followed by all her other bills. When she offers to fuck him in exchange for doing that he declines and says that he just wants to take her out to a nice dinner.

He even sends her a nice new red dress that doesn’t leave much to the imagination along with a diamond necklace and earrings. He picks her up in his Bentley and takes her to the most exclusive restaurant where he tells her to order anything she wants, money is no issue.

After dinner she “accidentally” flashes Tyland with her red lacy panties, Tyland is instantly hard which makes it hard for to concentrate on the road. His sugar baby notices so she pulls down the top of her dress so he can get an eye full of her matching lacy bra. After she notices him glancing over she unzips him to suck while he’s driving. He has to pull over for fear of crashing because she looks so beautiful with her lips wrapped around him.

Once he finishes he pulls her to the backseat so he can return the favor. It’s the best head she’s ever had, and she tells him that. He also mumbles into her cunt that he’s in love with her at that point but thankfully she didn’t hear it.

SUGAR DADDY TYLAND !!

Oh she is playing hard to get!!! Poor sweet love is trying his best and hoping she does not realise his love

[edosianorchids901]

Accommodations

@flashfictionfridayofficial prompt “on the edge”

This had not been in Crowley’s plans for the day. He was supposed to be enjoying the warm weather, ideally by causing some traffic congestion and irritating people into coming up with horrible ideas of their own. A little light entertainment on the job.

Unfortunately, that required being able to move. Right now, he was on the edge of screaming in pain. Any serious movement, the sort required to get to his Bentley, would push him right over the edge.

He ground his teeth, staring at his mobile. It taunted him from the coffee table. To get it, he would need to lean forward, reach out. And if he tried that…

Crowley wasn’t quite sure if people—or demons—ever passed out from neck pain, but he was definitely sure he didn’t wanna find out.

Plus, it wasn’t just his neck. That was the worst of it, a steady smolder that had morphed into a supernova last time he moved. It sprawled out from there, trails of fire running down into all his limbs. His whole body tingled and burned, actually, and he had no damn clue what to do about it.

Could get drunk. But that would be hard to do, even if he miracled a drink to himself. He’d need to move his arms, probably tilt his head back.

He tried it, raised his chin, and yelped at the explosion in his spine. Tears burned his eyes, and his stomach lurched.

Okay. Nope. Drinks were probably out. So were any sort of painkillers, although those were pretty ineffective at soothing his misbehaving corporation anyway. A heating pad might help, but he couldn’t put one on.

Which meant his only real option was asking for help.

Crowley sighed, glaring at his mobile as much as he could manage without moving his head. “Call Aziraphale,” he said, desperately hoping that none of his plans had interfered with the mobile network again this time. Right now, he was foggy enough from pain that he couldn’t remember.

The phone rang a few times, echoing through his empty flat, and then picked up. “I’m afraid we’re closed for the day, doing, um… inventory. Do call back another—”

“Don’t you fucking dare hang up on me.”

“Crowley? That’s awfully rude, even for you. Are you all right?”

He definitely was not, but asking for help still chafed at him. “Nnnh. Hey. Sorry. Er.”

“That’s not very informative, my dear.”

“Sorry,” he said again. “I… fucked up my neck. Dunno how. Maybe moved just wrong.” Even talking was making the pain worse, each movement of his jaw sending a fresh stab of pain. “Can’t, er…”

“Oh, you poor fellow. I’ll be right over, how’s that?”

Before Crowley could reply, Aziraphale materialized out of thin air in front of him. Crowley gritted his teeth hard, battling against the startle reflex. If he jumped right now, he’d definitely scream. “Hi.”

Aziraphale looked him over, eyes wide. “Oh dear. You look absolutely horrible.”

“Thanks.”

“It’s your neck?” Aziraphale moved behind him, gently settling his fingers against Crowley’s spine. “Does touch hurt?”

“Nuh.” Actually, Aziraphale’s warmth felt good. “Thought about… heating pad. Or alcohol. Or something. But I can’t move enough to get any of that.”

“Oh, how awful. Here, let’s see…” The plump fingers moved in slow, careful circles. “Would you like to try a spot of very light massage, just to see if we can get you to relax? You’re awfully tense.”

“M’ tense because my neck is on fire.” But that did sound amazing. “Can you? Sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, my dear.” Aziraphale settled both hands on his shoulders, thumbs stroking in an even rhythm. “I don’t mind at all. In fact, you could even say I’m doing my job by helping.”

Crowley snorted. “Lucky. I was gonna do my job by cutting off lots of other drivers.”

“Well, perhaps later,” Aziraphale said kindly.

Probably not later. When the pain flared up like this, best thing to do was to stay in the flat, try to rest. Even if Aziraphale could get him mobile again, he wasn’t going anywhere today.

The massage did feel terrific, though. Slow and careful, Aziraphale’s strong hands achingly gentle. Working at the taut muscles with a delicacy that didn’t cause any pain at all. Crowley closed his eyes, drifting.

He could even breathe now, and the burning pain diminished a tiny bit. Finally, Aziraphale ran a light stroke across his hair. “How’s that, my dear? Better?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Bracing for it to explode again, Crowley rolled his shoulders just a little. Then he winced. “Ow. At least I can move now.”

“Yes, movement is certainly an improvement. Where do you keep your heating pad? And would you like tea?”

Crowley provided directions, said yes to tea and threw in a hopeful word for scotch, then shifted a little in his armchair. A fresh blaze seared down his spine, and he stopped moving again before it got too bad. But at least he’d managed to move enough that he wouldn’t fuck up his hips from staying in the same position for too long.

“Here we are, my dear.” Aziraphale settled the heating pad around his shoulders without plugging it in. It was already at the perfect temperature, enough that Crowley groaned with relief. “And your tea. And your scotch. What would you like first?”

“Scotch.”

Aziraphale pulled a small, square table right up against the armchair and set down the tea. Then he put a straw in Crowley’s scotch glass, beamed at him, and held it up. “Here, take a sip.”

Crowley glared. “Are you joking?”

“I highly suspect it’ll be less painful.”

It was definitely less painful, albeit embarrassing. Asking for help was embarrassing too, or so he’d thought. But honestly, letting Aziraphale fuss over him was turning out to be pretty great.

[iamnot-theboynextdoor]

GOOD OMENS EPISODE 1 (THE ARRIVAL) REACTION (updating as i go!)

ooooooh my god it's here

BEFORE THE BEGINNING this looks epic

LIL BABY ANGEL CROWLEY WITH HIS LIL PERFECT CURLS AND IS HE HOLDING PART OF THE BENTLEY?????

DSFLKHADKJGHADKJ AZIRAPHALE (i knew they met but i wasn't prepared)

angel!crowley's eyes are brown <3

AAAAA AZIRAPHALE DID HIS LITTLE MID-CONVERSATION "(i forgot to say hello) hello :D" shit boy i die!!!

we're not getting crowley's angel name, fair enough (NOT FAIR I WANNA KNOW WHAT IT ISSSSSSS)

also angel!crowley clearly outranks aziraphale here. i never personally ascribed to the Crowley Is Raphael headcanon, but i might just have to eat my unspoken words there

"let there be light" and the galaxies explode and it's beautiful and angel!crowley's little facey and squeaks of delight, we are not even two minutes in and i can't handle it

are those the pillars of creation??

"look at you, you're gorgeous!" AND AZIRAPHALE THINKS HE MEANS HIM AND IS DISAPPOINTED. I FUCKING DIE

godddd aziraphale has such a crush on him. kill me

i love how aziraphale doesn't seem to understand a word of what angel!crowley's talking about. when ur crush has a really niche hobby and all u can do is smile and nod

oh no the record slowing down! :( poor baby angel crowley... only 6000 years of stars... he's so sad...

now aziraphale's talking about people and baby angel is just like WTF. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M JUST MAKING WALLPAPER THAT THEY WON'T EVEN MOSTLY SEE!!!!!

"i don't suppose anyone could object to me putting a note in the suggestion box" someone's gonna smash cut that to "i only ever asked questions!" ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch

aziraphale freaking out at the very idea of questioning authority. this angel can fit so much anxiety in it

"i'd hate to see you getting into any trouble" KILL ME!!!!

"how much trouble can i get into just for asking a few questions?" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AND IT RAINS STARS AND ANGEL!CROWLEY PUTS HIS WING OVER AZIRAPHALE DSKJFHSGKAJSHGKJ IT'S BEEN SIX MINUTES AND I HAVE TO PAUSE IT TO GO RUN AROUND THE HOUSE

present day!

maggie and her record shop are one of aziraphale's tenants, and she can't pay the rent because of how covid affected her business - she's sobbing and saying she can pack up and leave and he's just like "well that's my fault for not collecting the rent. i'll take this nice record as payment" "you can't just forgive eight months of rent!" "i can, i'm very good at forgiveness :D" I LOVE HIMB

and there's crowley at the park! and shax! (it's the scene we saw)

"hell doesn't care how jobs get done" shax has taken over a+c's clandestine secret agent meeting place, she is full-on hinting at her own Arrangement (and probably thinks she came up with the idea!) and crowley cbf

i really like shax's voice - none of madam tracy's airy lightness, she's all business. she's also a lil baby demon-intern who is trying just as hard as crowley did to be Cool and Mysterious and James Bond-y and i love her. she wants her own spy network so badly

"what do you have for me?" "frozen peas. that's what you feed ducks." crowley says fuck your spy network

(maybe. as just a headcanon. crowley will let her borrow shadwell (i know he's not in it))

MAGGIE AND NINA!!!

"dunno who buys records in this day and age" nina is such a crowley and maggie is such an aziraphale. they are so cute

UH OH HERE COMES THE NAKEY BOY

HOLDING UP TRAFFIC WITH HIS NAKEY SELF THERE'S HIS BUTT

aziraphale doing nothing but listening to his record and pretending to conduct sdfkdsgkjdshg

MAKING MY WAY DOWNTOWN ASSCHEEKS OUT PEOPLE SHOUT AND I'M HOMEBOUND

aziraphale's "ugh" at his conducting being interrupted lmao

GABRIEL HUGS AZIRAPHALE, FULLY NAKED. POOR AZIRAPHALE, ONLY GOT HALFWAY THROUGH HIS RECORD, NOW IT'S SUFFERING TIME

"oh and it would also be great to know where here is and also who you are and also who i am" "and also why you're naked!" "who told you i was naked" I AUDIBLY SCREAMED

"can i come in?" "no!" poor aziraphale looks terrified

maggie introduces herself to nina just like aziraphale introduced himself to angel!Crowley I SAW THAT

cut to heaven - michael is prepared to use Extreme Sanctions (what r those).

love the highlighter bestie

hot chocolate scene :)

of course he left the box outside. bet it's gone

no it's there!

"either call on the phone and talk or appear mysteriously, don't do both" aww. shax is SO baby.

"his royal smugness is in trouble? that's so sad >:3"

THE BOX IS FUCKIGN EMPTY

"you're funny. i love you." SKFHDSGKJDSHGKJSDGH GABRIEL IS DUG FROM UP

(if that's the first time someone has said "i love you" to aziraphale. and it's fuckign amnesiac naked gabriel i am goign to explode)

"what's gabriel?" "you are!" "cool. i love it. gaaaaaabriel."

"no- you're, um, jim!" "cool. i love it. jimmmmmm. short for gabriel." "no, short for james." "cool. i love it. jaaaaaaaaames. long for jim, short for gabriel." "JUST FORGET ABOUT GABRIEL"

"i find it hard to forget things" "then what was in the box" "what box" /aziraphalesuffering.gif

"hello, it's me. don't say anything. ...are you there?" "should i say something now?" AZIRAPHALE AND CROWLEY ARE INTERACTING AND FINALLY THE TRUE DUMBASSERY BEGINS

there's a fly hanging around gabriel. very suspicious

in heaven - a matchbox with "out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out, job 41:19" on it, and muriel very nervously picks it up!

"you have three reasons for calling me: you're bored, you need to tell someone about something clever you did before you pop, or something's wrong" "it's nice to tell someone about the good things you've done, now that i'm not reporting to heaven" poor aziraphale still wants a good grade in angel

the "naked man friend" scene LMAO

"he and i... go back a long time" YEAH LONGER THAN WE THOUGHT

crowley trying to get information out of aziraphale is just as hard as aziraphale trying to get information out of gabriel lmao

he chugs his six shots of espresso in one go and aziraphale takes the plate without realising GIVE NINA HER PLATE BACK

aziraphale hands crowley the plate so he can unlock the bookshop and crowley just looks at it like "why am i holding this"

aww maggie bringing nina an awkward present and then saying sorry for bringing it without asking...

nina is in a(n unhealthy) relationship NOOOOOOOOO

"you'll never guess who shax was asking me about" "i think perhaps i will" "go on then" "...jim" lmao

"do we know a jim- AAAAAA GABRIEL"

"ASK HIM PROPERLY!!! WHAT- ARE- YOU- DOING- IN- THIS- BOOK- SHOP-!!!!!" (calm down mr "grow better") (actually don't. last time he saw gabriel he was wearing aziraphale's face and gabriel called "aziraphale" stupid and told him to die. so this is justified actually)

gabriel like (oh is this how we're supposed to talk?) "I- AM- DUSTING."

"precious, peaceful, fragile existence" scene CRIES

"if you refuse to help me then you're at liberty to go" "to go? this is how you wanna do it?" "NO I WOULD LOVE YOU TO HELP ME! i'm asking you to help me take care of him"

(is this the first time aziraphale has directly asked crowley for help? i cry)

but the pouting doesn't work, crowley angrily storms out "just breathe, that's what humans do, then they count to ten before they do anything stupid... I CAN'T DO THIS I'M JUST SO ANGRY TEN!!" /redlightning.gif

and nina's security system activates and now her and maggie are locked in with dead phones >:3 oh no >:3

back in heaven - michael wants to be Acting Supreme Archangel, uriel isn't having it

"someone's gotta give the orders" "and that's you?" "it's... all of us" "ah." "...led by me" "mm." SO UNIMPRESSED.

HERE COMES SERAQUEL AND MURIEL

seraquel's floating wheelchair is so cool

i love michael and uriel and seraquel's matching sparkly highlighter, which has replaced the ostentatious gold fashions in heaven. i love that heaven has fashion trends and the archangels co-ordinate them.

"who are you?" "no-one! well, technically, muriel!" i love themb

THE HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS MATCHBOX

michael: how do i click the matchbox

it says "the resurrectionist" on it... clues...

poor crowley in his car with his plants... and flies. "IN MY CAR! REALLY???" "hello traitor. i suppose you're wondering why i called you here" "YOU CAME TO ME!" cloud of flies!beezlebub looks equally horrific and cool. also what a terrible way to be kidnapped

"what if i said hell was willing to forget everything you did, that we were willing to accept you back, no questions asked, with a hefty promotion... if you found gabriel and handed him over to us, you could name your price...anyone found involved in this affair will be Dealt With" "...how?" "Extreme. Sanctions." oh i don't like any of this!

"that isn't actually a thing, that's just something we used to joke about to frighten the cherubs" "no, it exists. anyone found involved in gabriel's disappearance will be erased from the Book of Life. they won't just be gone, they will never have existed." WELL NOW THAT'S A PRETTY FUCKIGN SERIOUS THREAT JESUS

"someone could break into my record shop and i couldn't stop them" "if i had a record shop, i'd be more worried about people breaking in and leaving more records behind" nina is so fucking funny

"good old fashioned lover boy" playing as crowley GUNS IT for the bookshop

"oh, really? my bad" crowley rescues them and he full-on miracles the power back on right in front of them

nina's partner lindsay is a stage 5 clinger, girl DTMFA, you've got a nice maggie right there

crowley walks into the bookshop and aziraphale glances at him and Very Pointedly Ignores Him

"you want a big I Think I Said The Wrong Thing sort of apology, or can we take that as said?" "i'd like the apology, actually" sdfkjdshgksjdhksg

"...you were right" "not good enough. i want a proper apology." "no." "with the little dance." (SDFKGHDSGKJDSHGJ WHAT?????) "i don't do the dance." "i did the I Was Wrong Dance in 1650, in 1793, in 1941-" (I HAVE TO KEEP PAUSING TO SCREAM. that's both the french revolution and ww2 scenes, where crowley romantically saved aziraphale EXCEPT HE MADE HIM DO A LITTLE APOLOGY DANCE I'M DEAD)

THE DANCE. THE CURTSEY. I'M DEAD

"you were right, you were right, i was wrong, you were right" ("i'm crowley and i was wrong, i'm singing the crowley wrong song" "do the kicks!")

"together?" "yes, we do a little miracle" "i think heaven would notice if i performed even a very minor miracle" okay so aziraphale hasn't performed a miracle in FOUR YEARS (this angel can fit so much anxiety in him!!!!) and crowley just. doesn't give a fuck and does miracles in front of anybody

gabriel! "where did you come back from?" "outside" "is it big? can i see the outside?" GABRIEL YOU CAME HERE FROM OUTSIDE YOU GOLDFISH

"what if we each did half a miracle to hide him"

"...until we figure out what's actually going on." "i know what's going on! i don't go to the outside, and now i have two friends! :D" "I AM NOT YOUR FRIEND"

"no one will have noticed a thing!" and they're both so pleased with themselves so of course someone will notice

cut to FUCKING ALARM BELLS RINGING IN HEAVEN JESUS CHRIST

uriel's like michael you said you wanted to be in charge this one's for you and michael's immediately like UGGGGHHH I HAVE TO DO WORK???

there's FUCKING PURPLE SMOKE COMING OFF THE GLOBE WHERE AZIRAPHALE'S SHOP IS

VERY SUSPICIOUS!!!!

(end of episode one)

this was so fucking great!!!! i'm so happy to see everyone again!!!! god is not narrating... where is she? (she's eating popcorn)

ooh i like the end credits- choral version of the theme mixed with everyday

[fi4metta]

Crowley's head canons from the fanfic I am writing:

(not all of them are mine, but I liked them enough to use them and I want to share)

he can't dream: He can fall asleep and he can sleep like a log, but he isn't able to have a single dream. He just go blindly into the abyss. As he didn't sleep when he was an angel (he learned this habit while on Earth) he isn't very sure what "dreaming" actually is, but he would love to try. All the demons in fact can't dream, it's the part of their punishment.

he can't cry: Not an expert, but as far as I am know, snakes can't cry either. His eyes aren't capable of producing tears. He can feel sad and his eyes starting to burn painlessly, when he is about to cry, and yet not a single tear coming out of them

he is poikilothermic (cold-blooded): So he is always cold, as he lives in London where it's always bloody cold. He has a small electric fire place in his apartament and he likes to lay next to it on. He has a lot of electric heaters, his AC in the Bentley is always at maximum heat and he takes long, hot showers. He also has a terrarium where he warm himself, especially during winter. He actually hates winter, as it's hard to cope for a cold-blooded creature, so he usually hibernates.

he is the only demon who can travel between dimensions: As the one who created (or help with creation of) the universe, Crowley knows all ins and outs of it. He can just pop out of reality into the celestial dimension (the one with Heaven and Hell in it) but also he is the only one who can be in the middle of those two, in so called Limbo. It's a hybrid of the two dimensions, where he can still see the reality (so it's not just a white void we saw in s1) but also see the real forms of other occult (or celestial) creatures - wings, for example.

he is extremely good with maths and physics: And intelligent in general. He invented maths and physic, while being in charge of creating space.

he is a snake himself: He can change into any snake form at any time he wants to, and he really enjoys being a snake, as he is small and can sneak on people and scare them.

he had an affair with Freddie Mercury: It's not really mine, but I love this concept. This is the reason why Aziraphale hates Queen and everything Queen related, as he hates Freddie for being Crowley's special someone back in the day. Crowley thinks of it as nothing very serious, just some old-school rock'n'roll love.

reading hurts his eyes: As he has poor vision in general. For him reading is like using your phone for two days in the row without any break. His eyes starting to burn after two words, so he doesn't read, but still buys books, because he likes their smell and colourful covers and remind him of Aziraphale.

he is a cinema freak: We saw Crowley in cinema alone in s1 and I really like the idea of Crowley rolling into the cinema in every second of his spare time. He likes the stories and the plots of the films, so he gets from cinema the things he could get from reading, but films don't hurt his eyes. He actually see them very well, as has a snake vision, so he is very sensible to light.

he lost his virginity in Sodom: He has never told it to Aziraphale but he was there with other demons to cause some chaos and he got carried away. He didn't like it, he just had too much to drink.

he loves kids: He is a kid himself, or more a brat, to be honest. He uses every opportunity to be around children and kids like him, because he is a weirdo and kids love weird adults. He used to take care of Maggie, when her parents worked in the record shop (Aziraphale was the one he was supposed to do it, but angel is terrible with kids, want them to read Pride and Prejudice or something).

I can't think of more, but I'm sure I'm forgetting some of them, so I will probably do a part two of this, I hope you like it...

[vulture-stan]

So, about the cottage on the down south...

After a marathon of both seasons of Good Omens, after a few days of feeling very excited as well as heartbroken for the final.

A though started going around in my head.

How this couple of inmortal beings are going to enjoy their eventual domestic life in their cottage in the down south?

(Look, you don't really need to dig too deep to see that this is going to be the ending... at least I hope so-)

Because they have been running around the planet since it was created, literally like 6000 years of half-following orders and going on dates ("friend dates" maybe, but dates all the same). And while they did have basically all the time of the world to experience everything, they were also working for heaven and hell, I could imagine that this stress and also the scary thoughs of the repercussions of them working together and getting found in the act... probably stopped them from truly enjoying all around them.

Mostly Aziraphale, constantly feeling scared and guilty because of ALL the cult trauma he has, the poor angel just wants so be lazy and enjoy human pleasures. But also, Crowley was also constantly feeling that the safe space they made with each other was at risk, more than one time suggesting that they both should just leave all behind and run to the closest galaxy.

...

But leaving all angst behind, can you truly imagine how their domestic life could be once they are truly, truly free?

A small cottage that is just enough for two with a bast garage for a night-dark (and sometimes yellow) but very shiny bentley, surrounded by a green and very lively (and very scared) garden.

Inside, the constant but very relaxing smell of tea hangs in the air, a messy alignment of books decorates basically almost all of the walls, from first editions to soft and hard cover versions.

The furniture has a very vintage and classical design, probably a couple of centuries old but still in pristine conditions. At one side, one can see a record player with a collection of vinyls separated in very distinct music genres, and a perfectly round and wide round carpet, enough place for two to dance to their heart's content.

Every once in a while, a couple of friends come to visit, the angel always giving a warm welcome and the devil scowling but not being harmful.

Every once in a while, the couple still visits the Ritz, still walks around Berkeley Square to listen to the nightingale sing.

...

Of course, they are still inmortal, they could do with a hobby or two.

I can imagine Aziraphale experimenting with all sorts of things they always wanted to try but mostly getting into cooking, food certainly feels a lot better when you make it yourself, and painting. Somedays, one can pick the aroma of a new dish getting prepared in the kitchen or the small distant smell of oil paint from a distant corner of the house.

And of course they could NEVER leave the magic tricks behinds, having a special set put aside in some corner of the cottage that Crowley absolutely detests but loves to see the exciment of Aziraphale finally getting a trick right.

Crowley, on their part... is probably very very relaxed, still taking "care" of plants and "their" bentley.

Probably reading every now and then seeing that the angel is just obsessed with them, going on rides on the car blasting Queen all of the way, having their own wine collection.

But mostly? The devil truly loves naps.

I remember once reading that the thing that Crowley loved the most from humanity is sleep, and I can totally see the redhead constantly napping and walking around with a very sleepy or relaxed expression.

Falling deeply into slumber once night falls, the feeling of fresh sheets against skin and soft pillows against their head, but the best of all, the warmth emanating for the angel at the other side of the bed, eventually nagging about turning the light and and putting the book down so they can finally cuddle properly.

Days of laughs and bickering, dancing, napping and enjoying meals...

It's what they deserve after ages of hiding and ignoring what they felt for each other, getting the time to properly enjoy the peaceful existence they carved for each other.

[There, I finished my ramblings, gn]

[the-tickety-boo-est]

"H....o....z....i.....e......r" Aziraphale spelled slowly to the Angel on the phone. "Some Irishman. Crowley quite fancies him, I think."

A quick pitchy babble sounded back through the celestial line. Aziraphale smiled a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "He's trying to aquaint you with human culture, I expect. I'd trust the recommendations he gives; Crowley has, I am assured, stellarly "cool" taste in music."

The pitchy babble sounded again, but from across the..... well there weren't really rooms in heaven, just a limitless empty expanse of white with no discernable temperature or air movement or texture or anything whatsoever.....so across a roomlike distance of empty space Michael cleared her throat and cocked a brow in his direction, a gesture that typically meant she expected Aziraphale to follow her.

"Listen Muriel. I have to go. I'm glad you're getting on so well, but don't hesitate to call me....or Crowley....if you need anything." He hung up and skittered across a hard to quantify expanse of white to Michael.

"Sorry about that! Muriel reporting in from Earth! She's doing...."

"The metatron wants you." She cut him off. She sounded even more clipped when she was resentful. And She was always resentful these days. Aziraphale fought the urge to apologize. Apologizing made her even more resentful.

She turned on her heels and walked away without waiting to see if he was following, leaving poor Aziraphale to scurry after her yet again, unconsciously humming a little tune to ease the tension of......well..... being around Michael.

"In the madness and soil of that sad earthly scene,

Only then I am human

Only then I am clean"

Distantly, A choir of Principalities chimed in with a chorus of Amens at a most unlikely fortuitous moment. Somewhere even more distantly an even more unlikely thought occured to a classic black Bentley.

"Yellow".

If the Heavens ever did speak (He’s) the last true mouthpiece Every Sunday’s getting more bleak A fresh poison each week “We were born sick”, you heard them say it The only Heaven I’ll be sent to Is when I’m alone with you I was born sick, but I love it Command me to be well A-, Amen, Amen, Amen

It’s the first time the Bentley’s chosen that tune. 

[maccreadysbaby]

Project: Killcode

batfamily + oc insert

tw: none

wanna read more? here’s the table of contents!

want to read the first fic in the hundred days series so you understand what’s going on here? here it is!

THE POOR BABY TRIED HE WASNT GONNA LET YOU DOWN OKAY HE TRIED

part thirty-five

❝ OUT OF THE LOOP ❞

SATURDAY — AUGUST 4 — 3:44AM

IT HAD BEEN MIDNIGHT WHEN THE NIGHTMARE-VISION-SECRET-KEEPER DISASTER HAD TAKEN PLACE, AND BELLAMY HAD CRIED UNTIL THREE-THIRTY IN THE MORNING.

Now, it was three-forty-five, and he had managed to cry himself into a light slumber, his head and shoulders pillowed on Bentley’s lap, the older boy’s hand repetitively smoothing down the hair on the top of his head. They were sitting on the bottom bunk of his bed, and Rockie was there, too, sitting at the foot of the mattress in silence.

None of them had really spoken. Apart from quiet consolations to try and help Bellamy calm, no words had been shared, only subtle pitiful glances or vague gestures. 

That was okay. Bentley was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Bruce had lied straight to his face. Back when he had just woken up from nearly dying, while he was in the midst of having some kind of emotional breakdown, Bruce had lied to him. Without batting an eye, without the slightest bit of visible guilt or regret, he’d lied to him. 

Had Bentley been naive to believe Bruce would never lie to him? Had it been stupid to assume he’d always tell him the truth? Everybody lied, he guessed. Hell, he was a trained liar. But somehow, now that Asten and Bruce were both lying to him, it… seemed to hurt him a lot worse than his pitiful little I-live-on-the-streets lies from back in the day could’ve hurt them. He had to lie. He had to because of his father — but Bruce… Bruce didn’t have to lie.

And he did anyway.

 Why would he do that?

“Is that the first time you saw her?” Rockie whispered after a long, long time of silence. Bentley glanced over at him, and he was just looking back, his red-rimmed green eyes sort of glowing in Bellamy’s dim bedroom. Not a second later he looked down at his gloved hands and fiddled with his fingers.

“… No,” Bentley replied, glancing down at Bellamy, continuing to smooth down his hair. 

Rockie inhaled and exhaled. “Varian told me you… weren’t born a metahuman. And you’re from Gotham. So does that mean… she…”

Bentley glanced back up, but Rockie avoided his eyes.

“I got kidnapped and turned. By her and her people,” Bentley replied quietly, looking back down at Bellamy. “So did Asten… and another friend of ours who moved away after.”

Rockie breathed in and out, again, but didn’t say anything.

“That was almost four years ago, though, and I thought she was…” Bentley shrugged, trailing off. “Do you… see her often?”

Rockie shrugged, eyes laser focused on his hands. “Off and on for the last five or six years.”

Bentley blinked. That was even before she ransacked Gotham.

That was closer to when Asten’s parents died. The first sighting of the Secret Keeper ever, in Brazil.

She had her hand on Rockie even back then? Why?

“I think I was eleven when I first saw her,” He continued with a soft sigh. “I thought I was gonna die.”

Bentley hummed. “Did you tell your parents?”

Rockie went quiet for a moment, and Bentley realized that maybe he didn’t have parents anymore. So he backtracked with quick: “Nevermind, sorry…”

“The people I lived with knew,” He replied anyways, with a faint shrug. “Didn’t care.”

Bentley didn’t know what to say to that, so he didn’t. He just looked back down at Bellamy, and a few beats of silence passed.

“He always said his head hurt after he had nightmares. I just… never guessed it would be her,” Bentley trailed off, glancing up at Rockie, then back down. “Does Valor know? About you? And her?”

He saw Rockie shrug again in his peripheral. “He knows I have nightmares, and… sometimes I space out and it’s hard to get my attention again. But he doesn’t know why. I’m usually good at handling it so I don’t freak him out by having a breakdown or whatever, but… I don’t know. Tonight was different. I’m usually in there alone.”

Bentley didn’t say anything, and he heard Rockie draw in a breath, fiddling with his fingers.

“What was she doing to you? Before we ran into each other?” 

Bentley blinked, looking back up at him. “Before I ran into you? She was just talking to me.”

“And you were screaming?”

Bentley creased his brow. “No.”

Rockie looked down at his lap with an exhale. “She made me hear you screaming, then. I thought she was torturing you.”

That made Bentley wonder if Bellamy had even really been screaming, when she talked about inviting her third favorite bird. (How were they supposed to deal with someone who could make them hear and see whatever she wanted?)

“What do we tell them? Everyone else?” Bentley asked, swallowing lightly. “We can’t just…”

“We can just tell them that you and Bell had nightmares. That I was here to… y’know. Help,” Rockie suggested. “It isn’t very far from the truth. We can’t tell them about her, otherwise she might…”

“Yeah,” Bentley was quick to reply. “I know.”

Rockie sighed. “I would feel so bad if she started doing this to everyone else because of us.”

Bentley opened his mouth to reply, but that’s when he heard the dorm door open and, after a few minutes, close.

At almost four in the morning.

Bentley’s words died in his throat, and he didn’t say anything at all. Where had Asten gone at eight that he didn’t get back from until four in the morning? If that was even him coming home and not Valor. Bentley guessed he shouldn’t have been so upset — he and Asten had (kinda) decided they could do whatever they wanted and didn’t have to tell each other... But it still dug under his skin like needles anyways. That he had to offer up that option simply because Asten didn’t want to be agreeable.

A few moments later, a knock came on the bedroom door, and a voice whispered: “Bentley? You in there?”

It was Valor, and Bentley found himself huffing.

“Go ahead, I’ve got him,” Rockie said, shifting on the end of the bed up towards Bellamy. 

Bentley obliged, wiggling out from under Bellamy without waking him and letting Rockie take his place. It was a weird maneuver to make with a sleeping child. With one last glance to make sure Bellamy didn’t wake (he looked asleep as oddly peaceful), Bentley left him with Rockie and made for the door, opening it wide enough to glance out.

“Hey,” Valor sighed, running a hand over his face. He looked tired — his gray eyes were dull and his posture was less than alert. “Asten’s asking for you.”

Bentley glanced around the dorm, quickly noting that the lights were out and Valor was the only one visible. He slid out of the bedroom and closed Bellamy’s door behind him, glancing in the direction of his and Asten’s room. “Where has he been?”

“We looked for him for a while, but he wasn’t on campus,” Valor’s eyes flicked around for a second, awkwardly, almost. Maybe like he felt bad, or… didn’t want to tell him? “You know my friend that throws all the parties? I guess Asten’s been talking to him one-on-one… Mason’s dad owns this huge nightclub in town, but it’s been closed recently for construction, so… Mason and whoever he wants to bring pretty much have free reign of the entire thing.”

Bentley just blinked, and Valor frowned at him, as though he’d made a facial expression involuntarily. So first Asten went to parties, and now he went to a literal nightclub?

“He’s… really, really drunk, Bentley. Like, blackout drunk. I’m not sure what they gave him, but he’s probably going to be out of commission for most of the day tomorrow,” Valor sighed lightly with a cringe. “He’s sick as a dog and won’t stop crying. He wants you.”

Bentley glanced toward their bedroom door, which was closed tight. “Will he… even remember it if I go in there?”

Valor shrugged, pity splaying across his features. “If I had to guess… probably not. But you never know…”

Bentley sighed lightly, glancing backwards at Bellamy’s door. “Who’s in there with him now?”

“Koa,”

Bentley didn’t say anything for a solid thirty seconds. On one hand, Asten was crying and sick and asking for him, even when they weren’t talking. Asking for him when he was in pain and upset and… there was a part of Bentley that said he couldn’t possibly ignore that. That it was kind of his job as a brother and as a best friend to throw away whatever little turmoil silent treatment they had going on and just be there for him when he needed him.

But there was the other part of him, too — the little jerk part that said Asten had snuck off to a nightclub by himself, and he should pay for it by himself; that Bentley wasn’t going to be there to baby him through all his bad decisions just because he shed a few tears when he wasn’t even sober enough to comprehend why. It wasn’t Bentley’s mess to control or clean up — it was Asten’s. That Asten was Asten’s mess, Asten’s responsibility.

Would that be too harsh? Bentley was always one to wear his heart on his sleeve and try and make everything better…

But Asten had been mad at him for avoiding conflict.

He huffed lightly. For the first time in his life, Bentley decided that Asten… wasn’t his problem.

He swiping a hand over his face, rubbing at his eyes. “Look, I’m already having a rough night… do you think you guys could just…?”

Valor nodded instantly. “Yeah, yeah, of course. Did you have another nightmare?”

“Yeah,” Bentley lied straight through his teeth, glancing down at his feet. (Because he couldn’t just tell Valor he’d been jerked right into Rockie’s bad dream while he was very much still awake.) “It… was a bad one. And then Bellamy had one, too.”

Valor frowned. “I thought you looked tired. Is Rockie in there with you two?”

Bentley merely nodded, and Valor smiled faintly.

“Alright; get in there and go to bed. I’ll handle Asten,” He replied, glancing back at their bedroom door.

Bentley cringed and asked: “You sure?” (Just to make it seem like he wasn’t super relieved a blackout drunk Asten was off his plate. Even though he was. So, so, so relieved.)

“Positive,” Valor said with a reassuring smile, lifting a hand and patting him on the head like a dog. “Try to get some sleep, okay?”

“Okay,” Bentley replied. Then he gave Valor a little smile and retreated back into Bellamy’s room, closing the door behind him.

He pretended he didn’t feel guilty about it.

—

With everything that happened, Bentley only got about an hour of sleep that night. And not even that one hour went uninterrupted; because his phone decided to start ringing right at the tail end of it, when he was finally drifting into something deeper than a doze.

With a soft groan of frustration, he shuffled around in Bellamy’s bed until he found the device and turned the volume off. The screen was practically blinding in the dark dorm, and the clock on it said it was almost noon. The caller ID that was displayed across the phone read Bruce. For some reason that made Bentley kinda sad.

With a small sigh, he brushed his hair out of his face and maneuvered himself out of the bed. He and Bellamy were lying near the top while Rockie was spread out on the foot, all of them sleeping to the best of their abilities. Which wasn’t very well.

He sort of climbed over Bellamy and made his way out of the bedroom. The living area was empty, but he wasn’t surprised, given the others were out until four a.m.

Then he remembered that Asten was super hungover, and that meant maybe awake, and that meant Valor was maybe awake. So, just for good measure, he left the dorm and went into the empty, long hallway, keeping his foot in the door so it didn’t close and lock him out.

Then, with a sigh, he brought the phone to his ear with a soft: “Hello?”

“Hey there, chum! How are you?”

Bentley very suddenly had to fight off the violent urge to start crying at the sound of his dad’s voice; something stabbed through his chest, and he quickly realized it was betrayal. “Bruce…”

A moment of quiet passed where Bentley just bit his tongue in an attempt to make his eyes stop watering. 

“What is it, buddy?”

“The…” He trailed off, looking down at his socked feet. Memories from last night’s dream-vision played over and over in his head, and his eyes burned. “The Secret Keeper, she… she’s back, and… she’s doing the same thing she did before. You… told me she was dead.” 

A moment of silence filtered through the phone.

“That’s great, bud. I’m so glad to hear that,”

Bentley’s breathing hitched in his throat, and he blinked in shock. “…W… What…?”

More silence came.

“You’ll have to bring them back to the Manor so I can meet them sometime,”

Bentley glanced down at his phone to confirm that Bruce’s name was on the screen. “Bruce? Can… you hear me?”

“Yeah, I can hear you,”

Bentley sniffed lightly, brushing his hair out of his face. “Did… you hear what I said? About the Secret Keeper?”

“Yeah, I said you should bring them to the manor. Sorry, I might’ve cut out, I’m in my car,” Bruce continued, and Bentley scrunched his face up. It was like he was having an entirely different conversation with him.

“Bruce?”

“Yeah, bud?”

Bentley breathed in. “I said the Secret Keeper is back. She’s bothering me and my friends again.”

“I’m sure everyone would be super excited. Dick in particular,” Bruce chuckled. “He’s practically dying to meet your friends.”

“What are you talking about?” Bentley muttered, his eyes burning again until a few tears fell over, because apparently he was losing his absolute mind.

The sound of a blinker vaguely came through the phone. “Okay, I love you, too. And tell Asten I love him. Bye.”

“Wait, Bruce!”

The call ended, and Bentley looked down at his screen, complete and utter bafflement written across his features. Why couldn’t Bruce hear what he was saying? Like he was hearing something else? Was Bentley hearing wrong? A few tears fell on his screen and he swiped them away.

A sudden jolt of pain stabbed through his head, and he winced, nearly dropping his phone from the way his muscles writhed. 

“You can’t possibly think I was just gonna let you tell your daddy on me,” Her voice pierced his mind, echoing in his skull. “You two just had a lovely conversation about how much you love this school and your roommates, courtesy of me.”

Bentley cried quietly, shoving his way back into the dorm and letting the door close behind him.

“I have a foothold in everyone’s heads. Everyone will see and hear what I want. Sorry, kid, but your family is going to stay blissfully out of the loop,” 

Bentley’s heart was already pounding out of his chest again as he made his way across the dorm. Another stab of pain came, and her voice never returned. A headache, one that he’d recently managed to shake, formed at the base of his skull.

He went back to Bellamy’s room and closed the door behind him in a not-so-calm fashion. 

The only reason he’d even survived her last time was a time traveling speedster and the sudden realization that he could bend her blood, both of which she hadn’t predicted. How the hell were three private school roommates supposed to do it alone?

He sobbed lightly to himself, sitting down against Bellamy’s door just like he used to when his father locked him in the closet.

Last time this happened, his family had at least a clue about what was going on. How was he going to do this without them? Deal with her?

For a long time, he just cried in Bellamy’s floor. And sometime later he felt a presence to his right, and someone with big metal gloves carefully reeled him into a hug.

He never went back to sleep.

--

tag list that never works lmao

@fleur-alise @sarcopterygiian @gayboss-too-close-to-the-sun

@xiaonothere

@skylathescholarly @flyrobinflyy

[aziraphales-library]

Sorry if this has been asked before, but do you know any fics where Crowley loses his memory and Aziraphale has to deal with it? Angst with a happy ending preferably:))))

This has been asked before. We have specifically amnesiac Crowley fic recs here and here, but also plenty more in the mixed bunches on our #memory loss and #amnesia tags, so please make sure you check those out. I’ve managed to find a few more to add to our large collection...

Model by alienboyv (G)

Crowley, after a mishap in Hell, loses his memory. Cruel as Beelzebub is, they are not without conscious and understand the consequences of this. Aziraphale is obviously devastated, but determined to fix it.

As cliche as it sounds, shenanigans ensue.

The Amnesia Hex by MarlynnOfMany (G)

Agents of Hell attempt to reduce Crowley's memory to factory settings, but it doesn't quite take.

Adorable shenanigans ensue.

All The Dreams We Had by ImpishTubist (T)

This time will be different, Aziraphale thinks. This time, Crowley will remember.

Forget-Me-Not by die_traumerei (T)

When a spell temporarily leaves Crowley with no memory of the last two hundred-odd years, Aziraphale is left helping him navigate the 21st century (easy), their changed relationship (still not hard), and the existence of the Bentley (mistakes were made).

A Moment Suspended in Sea Spray by cassieoh (T)

Green filled his vision in the brief second before he instinctively tucked his head away in his coils. Crawly didn’t think there had ever been anything green and growing in Hell save perhaps a good mold behind Hastur’s knees. Cautiously, he inched the very tip of his nose out of his coils and flicked his tongue.

Growing things. Soil. Apples. The oil left behind by human hands. Something strange and sharp smelling. Under it all, a smell he knew but couldn’t place.

This wasn’t Hell.

Save Me by atimefeeler (T)

When Anthony wakes up in a hospital with no memory, he finds himself alone with nothing but a vaguely threatening note written in blood. In an attempt to save himself from an untimely death, Anthony goes about his life as if he wasn't currently suffering from memory loss. It really is too bad he can't figure out if his stunning partner if trying to kill him or not. Going on a date with him couldn't hurt, right?

...

“Do you think perhaps you could come over to the bookshop?” Aziraphale asked, “I would so love to see you, dear.”

“Yeah I- no!” Anthony nearly shouted and then clamped his hand over his mouth.

“No? Why ever not?”

“I can’t,” Anthony scrambled for what to say, “I’ve got-”

‘Diarrhea’ was on the tip of his tongue, but then Anthony caught a glimpse of his reflection in the black phone screen and blurted, “-an eye condition.”

...

or- Crowley has no idea why his plan to pretend he doesn't have amnesia is proving to be so difficult. It might be because the poor guy is actually a demon.

- Mod D

[theangel-aziraphale]

Mhhm!

*A moment of clarity later.*

Wait, did you just say radio station?

*It's rather difficult to keep up this ruse when the Wraith is trying so hard, yet it's.... such a poor job of trying.*

Wr - Bentley. Dear. Uh, could you turn it up a little bit? Im afraid your radio is rather quiet.

Hello. It's me, the Bentley. I have arrived with travel sweets and everything is normal.

*He looks down at 'the Bentley and looks at her 'face'.

That's the Wraith in black, alright. He's been looking at the Bentley for decades now, and despite recent aesthetic changes to the chassis, it has never changed its shape to this degree before.

However, he was nothing if not a good sport.*

Of course! Odd of you to point that out. May I come in and have one, Crowley will be ever so put out if he finds out you're treating me so nicely!

*He pats the car gently as if to give it further motivation to let him in.*