#polyfidelitous triad

[fatfemmefreaquency]

gonna start asking straight couples which one is the bisexual domtop and which one is the switchy femme leatherdyke bottom and which is the cucky little fag4dyke gay sub

[izzyspussy]

Assuming a generally polyfidelitous triad (if you assume that), who are each of their hall passes? If you do not assume that, well same basic question who else might each of them be most likely to hook up with in some fashion?

They don't have hall passes that's silly. But they do all joke that if Jamie ever did have a hall pass it would be Roy (his biggest celebrity crush) anyway so there's not exactly any point.

[vanilla-voyeur]

Yes! All of this! Especially the last part about staying the hell away from r/polyamory. They're just unnecessarily mean all of the time to everyone. And if they find out you're writing a story about a triad, they will tear you to shreds. Beware.

But to (hopefully) clarify why there's conflicting definitions of open relationship, it's because it's the same term to refer to two different things. Here's a little extra terminology:

Non-monogamy - any form of relationship that is not exclusively sexual and romantic with one other person. This includes things like swinging, hall passes, and monogamish where you have romantic exclusivity to one single partner, but sexual non-exclutivity

Polyamory - a relationship style where you can have multiple romantic relationships. Usually includes sexual non-exclusivity, but there are polyamorous people who are sex repulsed. Polyamory is under the non-monogamy umbrella. Most non-monogamous people are not polyamorous

Polyfidelity - a form of polyamory where you have relationships with multiple people but none of those people have romantic or sexual relationships outside the group. It's like monogamy but the magic number is 3 or 4 instead of 2. So if Pat, Chris, and Alex are all dating each other, but none of them are allowed to date anyone else, this is polyfidelity. Most polyamorous people are not polyfidelitous

Ok so with those definitions out of the way, here's why "open relationship" is ambiguous. The majority of the time, open relationship is referring to a non-monogamous relationship contrasting to monogamy, which is a closed relationship. This sort of relationship does not necessarily need to be polyamorous. It can be a relationship that is open sexually but closed romantically.

However, polyfidelity is sometimes called a closed polyamorous relationship even though polyfidelity is still non-monogamous. It's considered closed because you can't add any new people. So to contrast with that, there's open polyamorous relationships where you're free to date/have sex with whoever you want.

Same words, two different meanings. Most of the time you can figure out what someone means from context clues.

i've seen a couple people in the notes of this very good post about fictional polyamory by @thebibliosphere say things along the lines of "oh, i've been doing it wrong :(" or "how do i know if i did this right??" or "i should probably give up and start over, i wrote this badly :(" and. no!!!!

(i AM seeing far MORE people say "oh, this clarified and helped me so much, i think i know how to fix issues i've been having with my own story" which. YES!!!!)

listen. if you're a monogamous person who's writing a polyamorous relationship, and you've been focusing mainly on The Triad and All Three Together All The Time as the endgame, that's literally fine. that's a perfectly acceptable and strong starting point for your plotting, imo. you do not need to give up on a story that you've started like this.

but the things discussed in the post Can and Should improve your execution!

you can keep the same plot beats and overall relationship arc 100%. polyamorous relationships are infinite in their formations, every one is unique. "basically a monogamous romance but with three people" Does exist, as a relationship type. you're not hashtag Misrepresenting (TM) poly people with it

BUT i do think it will help to read up on some poly people talking about how their relationships Differ from monogamous ones.

so i have outlined some basic important concepts about polyamory.

MORE IMPORTANTLY though, i've broken down some questions that you can answer throughout the writing process to strengthen your individual dyad relationships, your individual characterization, & your characters' individual feelings/experiences. this is a writing resource have fun

future kitkat butting in to say i spent over two hours writing this and it definitely needs a readmore. it is also NOT comprehensive. but everything should be pretty simple to follow! feel free to reblog if you find it helpful yourself or just want to reward me for how gotdan long this took KSLDKFJKDL.

i've grabbed quick links for a couple of the important concepts, some have SEO pitches in them but the info largely seems to be good. (if i missed anything Egregiously Gross on these sites i should be able to update the links with better ones later, since they're under the readmore.)

sidenote: this is NOT meant to be overwhelming, despite the length. if you can't read all of this, that's Okay. you do not need to give up on your writing.

here we go:

compersion!

compersion is a BIG thing in a lot of polyamorous relationships. it's joy derived from seeing two (or more) of your partners happy together, or joy derived from seeing your partner happy with someone else.

compersion is really important as a concept because it highlights that every individual relationship within a polycule is different -- and that that's a GOOD thing. it's sort of the inverse of jealousy.

by the "inverse of jealousy," i mean that instead of feeling left out and upset and possessive, you feel happy/joyous/content.

i can use personal experience as an example: it's a Relief for me when my partners receive joy/support/sex/romance/etc that i can't (or prefer not to) give them. and i love seeing my partners make each other laugh and be silly together.

it's 100% okay for a poly triad not to be together 100% of the time, it doesn't mean that the third member is being left out or not treated equally when two people do things alone together.

(i have individual dates with my partners all the time! PLUS larger 3-and-4-person date nights.)

if the third member DOES feel jealous or left out, then the polycule can have a conversation to figure out what needs/wants aren't being met, and solve that. this happens semi-regularly in my polycule, as it will happen in any relationship (including monogamous ones)! it's just part of being an adult, sometimes you have to talk about feelings.

metamours!

a metamour is someone who is dating your partner, but ISN'T dating you. this may not be relevant for people writing closed three-person romantic sexual triads, but it's a super helpful term to know.

the linked article also lists different types of metamour relationships with some fun phrasing i hadn't heard before. the tl;dr is: sometimes you'll be domestic cohabitation friends, sometimes you'll be buddies with your own friendship, sometimes you might not interact much outside of parties, every relationship is different.

there's no one-size-fits-all requirement for metamour relationships. sometimes polyamorous people will end up dating their metamour after a while (has happened to me), sometimes polyamorous people will break up with one partner for normal life reasons, but remain friendly metamours.

the goal of polyamory is NOT for EVERYONE to fall in love. it is 100% okay if this happens in your story, it happens in real life too! but it is also 100% okay for characters to be metamours without ever becoming "more than friends."

(sidenote: try to kill any internalized "more than" that you have when it comes to friendship. friends are just as important and special and vital as partners.)

of course there are a million ways for messiness to occur with metamours within a complex polycule, exactly like with close-knit platonic friend groups. however this post is not about that! there's enough "here's how polyamory can go wrong" stuff out there already, so i'm focusing on the positives here :)

open versus closed polyamorous relationships!

i'm struggling to find an online article that reflects my experience without directly contradicting at least SOME stuff. so i'll give a quick rundown

google has a bunch of conflicting definitions of open relationships and whether open relationships are different from polyamory. the general consensus seems to be that an open relationship prioritizes one partnership (often a marriage), but that each partner can have extraneous flings or long-term commitments (most often sexual in nature).

this is not typically how i use the term wrt polyamory. the poly concept is pretty simple. a closed polyamorous relationship is one with boundaries like a monogamous one. there are multiple partners in the polycule, but they are not interested in having anybody new join said polycule.

an open polyamorous relationship tends to be more flexible -- it just means that IF someone in the polycule develops mutual feelings for a new person, it's fine for them to become part of said polycule if they want to! the relationship/person is open to newcomers.

some groups will need to negotiate this all together, others will just go "haha, you kids have fun." just depends on the individuals!

with open AND closed polyamorous relationships, the most important thing is making sure that there's respectful communication and that everyone is on the same page. but there's no one-size-fits-all way to do that.

i wish i could give you guys a prescriptive "You Must Do It This Way" guide, but that's.... basically the opposite of what polyamory is about, HAHA.

feelings for multiple people!

i was gonna tack this on to the previous section but decided it warranted its own lil bit.

a defining feature (....i'm told?) of monogamous relationships is that a monogamous person only has feelings for One individual at a time. they only want a relationship with one individual at a time. or, if they DO have feelings for multiple people simultaneously, they're still only comfortable dating one person at a time & being exclusive with that one person.

this is perfectly fine!

the poly experience is generally different from this. but once again..... polyamorous people all have different individual perspectives on this.

for me, i have never been able to draw hard boxes around romantic vs sexual vs platonic relationships, & i love many people at once. my personal polycule lacks many strict definitions beyond "these are my chosen people, i want to forge a life with them indefinitely, whatever shape that life takes"

some poly people feel explicit romantic or sexual attraction to multiple people at once, some poly people feel almost no romantic or sexual attraction at all. i'd say that MOST poly people feel different things for different partners, which is not a bad thing!

some poly people are even monogamous-leaning -- they have just chosen one romantic partner who is themselves part of a larger polycule. (so this monogamous-leaning person has at least one metamour!)

or alternatively, they might have one romantic partner AND a qpr, or other ways of defining relationships. (this is a factor in my own polycule!)

i made this its own point because if you're writing a straightforward triad, this is unlikely to come up in the story itself -- but it's worth thinking about how your characters develop/handle feelings outside of their partnerships.

like, is this sort of a soulmateship, 'these are the only ones for me' type deal? in which they won't fall in love with anyone else, and can be fairly certain of that?

that's pretty close to typical monogamous standards but you Can make it work. just be thoughtful with it

alternatively, can you see any of these characters falling in love Again after the happily-ever-after? and how would the triad approach it, if so? what would they all need to talk about beforehand, and what feelings would everybody have about the situation?

it's worth considering these questions even if the hypothetical will never feature in your actual canon, because knowing the answers to these questions will help you understand all of the individuals & their relationship(s) MUCH better.

i've been typing this for nearly two hours and there's a lot more i COULD say because... there's just a lot to say. i'll close out with some quick questions that you can ask yourself when developing the dyad dynamics within your triad

first, take a page and create a separate section for each individual dyad. then answer these questions for every pair:

how does each pair act when alone?

how do they act differently alone compared to when they're with their third partner?

are there any elements of this dyad (romantic, sexual, financial, domestic, etc) that these two people DON'T have with the third partner?

if so, what are they?

are there any boundaries or hard limits within this dyad that aren't shared with the third partner?

if so, what are they?

partner 3 goes out of town alone for a few weeks. what are the remaining two doing in their absence?

(doesn't have to be anything special, it's just to get a sense of how the two interact on a day-by-day basis without the third there)

what is something that each partner in the dyad admires about the other -- that they DON'T necessarily see in the third partner?

what problem do These Two Specifically need to solve in the story before their relationship will work?

how is that problem DIFFERENT from the problems being solved within the other two dyads?

doing this for ALL THREE dyads is VITAL imo. that way, you develop complex and nuanced and different relationships that all have unique dynamics.

those questions should be enough to get you started, i hope

then After you've charted the differences in relationships, you can start to jot down similarities in the overarching triad. what does one person admire in Both of their partners? what are activities that all three like to do together? what are boundaries or discussions that all three share?

but the main goal is to figure out how to Differentiate each relationship!

a polycule is only as strong as the individual relationships within it. if two people are struggling with their own relationship, adding a third person won't fix that.

(UNLESS the third person is the catalyst for those two to, like, Actually Communicate And Work Their Shit Out. i just mean that the old adage of "maybe if we just add a third-" works about as well to fix a miserable non-communicative marriage as, uh, "maybe if we have a baby-")

AND FINALLY.

if you're not sure whether your poly romance reads organically to poly people, you can hire a sensitivity reader with poly experience. if you can't afford that, you can read up on polyamorous resources like a glossary of terms & articles actually written by poly people. (and stories written by poly people!)

you can also just.... ask poly people questions, if they're open to it. i like talking about polyamory and my own relationships so you're welcome to send asks if u want, i just can't guarantee i'll answer bc my energy levels fluctuate a lot and i don't always have time.

polyamorous people are in an uphill battle for positive representation right now & so the LAST thing i want to see is authors giving up on their stories bc they're worried about getting things Wrong. well-meaning and positive stories that treat this kind of love as normal, healthy, & aspirational are So So So Needed. even if you guys end up with some funky-feeling details.

seriously, if you're monogamous then you probably don't have a full idea of Just How Nasty a lot of people can get about polyamory. i wish it DIDN'T mean so much for you guys to want to write nice stories about us, but it does mean a lot. and it means a lot that you want to do it WELL.

in conclusion. this is not a prescriptive guide, it's just a way to raise questions. and also, you all are doing FINE.

[absentcaryatid]

Juicy Cock Saga Masterlist

An ATEEZ fanfic by AbsentCaryatid

Featuring an asexual and agender reader using she/her pronouns. Eventual polyamory with Mingi, Yunho, and a queerplatonic relationship with Jongho. Fluff and innuendo only, all talk and no action but still regularly NSFW. To comply with Tumblr’s guidelines for sexually suggestive material, I have placed everything in this series under a Mature Community Label.

Also available under the same user name at AO3.

Prologue: She Came on a Red Motorbike Chapter One: These Breasts Belong In Your Hands Chapter Two: Makes Your Mouth Water and Fills You Up Chapter Three: Very Moist      Chapter Four: He Came Inside Chapter Five: I Love Your Legs, I Love Your Breasts Chapter Six: Tender On The Inside Chapter Seven: They Were Roommates Chapter Eight: Do You Have A Condom? Chapter Nine: Cock Girl Chapter Ten: Only In Fanfiction Chapter Eleven: She Likes To Be On Top Chapter Twelve: Everything But Juicy Cock Epilogue: Filled With Pride  

Excerpts and plenty of chapters continuing the story under the cut.

Excerpts from above: 

That Yunho Shower Scene from Chapter Three

San Offers A Cuddle from Chapter Three

The Time Yeosang Thought He Was Ready For Sex from Chapter Eight

Confessing to Mingi from Chapter Twelve

What ATEEZ Got Up To In Their Hotel Room from the Epilogue

More set in the same world, vaguely in chronological order. Newest marked with an asterisk:

A Date With Wooyoung - Yunho is in this too

Perking Up Hongjoong After Kingdom - All Eight present

Baby Girl - Mingi focused

Our First Time - Mingi x Reader

Yeosang’s Special Ramen Recipe - All Eight present

Mingi Cheated So You Cheated Back - Poly Mingi, Yunho, x Reader

Falling For Yunho - Poly Mingi, Yunho, x Reader

Angel’s Dilemma - Poly Mingi, Yunho, x Reader

Date With A Princess - Poly Mingi, Yunho, x Reader

Yeosang’s Date In The Park - Wooyoung is in this too

San’s Breakup

Dropping In On The Newlyweds - Poly Mingi, Yunho, x Reader

A Good Life Filled With Love - Poly Mingi, Yunho, x Reader

Happy Birthday, Betty - Yeosang prominent, All Eight present

Yunho's Painful Decision - Poly Mingi, Yunho, x Reader

An Interlude With Annie - Mingi x Reader, Mingi & OC

What Could Have Been - Jongho & Reader

Crushing On Mr. Choi - Wooyoung x San, Mingi x Reader

Romanced By Jongho - Jongho & Reader, Mingi x Reader

A Very Queer Relationship - Jongho QP Reader

Jongho’s Beloved - Jongho & Reader in a Queerplatonic Relationship

Mingi Serves His Country - Mingi x Reader, Jongho QP Reader

The ATEEZ Family Grows - Single Parent Yunho 

A Weekend With Yeosang - Parent Yeosang & Reader

Sleeping With Seonghwa

Where Mingi Has Never Gone Before - Mingi x Reader

* Yunho Comes Back - Poly Mingi, Yunho, x Reader

And my current masterlist for everything else can be found here.

[ashandant3]

Not just another “Unicorn Hunter”

This has been bothering me for quite some time, and now it’s time to talk about it.

I am a happily married bisexual woman, and my husband and I have been together for 10 years (never a night apart) and I have always wanted a female partner to go through life with. Not a sex toy, not a maid or a babysitter, a partner, a love, a hand to hold when my husband is at work and I have a moment of weakness and in turn, I want someone I can hold when she needs me, someone that can count on me to listen when no one else will or defend her against a freak mountain lion attack.

For some reason, this is apparently a bad thing, and I(we) should not be “looking for a third” according to so much of what I have read written by so many offended bisexual women out there. 

Personally, I would think that it would depend on your definition of “a third”. 

So, from what I gather, because I am a bisexual woman in a happy relationship with a man who is looking for a woman to fall in love with, I should be ashamed of myself, that a polyamorous relationship should be open and dreaming of a tight-knit closed triad relationship is what exactly?...disrespectful to the ideals of polyamory in general?

If that is so, what should I do, exclude myself from having this idea, because polyfidelity isn’t supposed to exist? 

I am not asking that a girl has to sleep with my husband or she can’t be with me, no doubt, that would be a shitty thing to do to someone. I am looking for someone who would consider trying a relationship based on equality, trust and a family dynamic where all are equal. 

Sure, I understand the intimidation factor - “Oh, they have been together for 10 years, there’s no waaaay I’m going in there”  

Of course it is a scary situation, but so are all relationships when you first begin. 

To so many out there, this makes me a bad person, apparently. So how does a successful polyfidelity/poly-triad relationships start? Do 3 random people crash carts at Walmart and instantly get googly-eyed? No, they find each other because they are looking for that bond to begin with. 

My husband has always been ok with the idea, he has never told me it has to be one way or no way, and if the girl of my dreams didn’t want to try, she would never be here in the first place. 

I see so many on tumblr saying dating sites are not for “unicorn hunters” that it ruins them for bisexual women. I definitely understand this , most couples are on there looking for a sex toy, looking for that “threesome” milestone in their relationship, so they typically lie, saying they are a bisexual woman looking for a woman, and don’t let on that they have a husband until later. 

I see it all the time on a site I frequent, and it pisses me off too. All it does is create a stereotype that not all of us fit in to. And we don’t all deserve to be put in that (pun intended) group. 

I am on a dating site, AND up front about my husband in the first sentence, and do not hound or message anyone.... at all. I put our info, photos, tastes and our goals on there, and nothing else.

A threesome is easier to come by than most think, this doesn’t mean that every couple is just looking for a night or two of physical bliss.

I want a friend at first, because without that, why bother. My husband is my best friend, if he wasn’t, and it was just sexual or financial or anything else, then, like most people we know, we might not have made it this long. 

I understand, fidelity is not for everyone, and I am fine with that, as they say, “whatever floats your boat” ...though, I’ll just stick to the shore, because, truth is, I can’t swim.

As far as my female partner, I long for that friendship as well, after all, if we have nothing in common, then the bond will probably crumble. After time goes on, maybe more will happen, I can imagine that first exciting kiss that I have longed to feel for many years, and if she falls for my husband as well, and is truly looking for polyfidelity, then we might have a shot at something beautiful, something special. 

I feel if it is at all possible, she will come my way, as I am not “hunting” anyone. 

She would be a unique and amazing individual, with her own mind and choices, and neither one of us making them for her.

For now, until that day comes, I keep this dream on a shelf. I might be considered a "unicorn hunter", but this isn't about sex, or house cleaning, or any other excuse people have to put me, and my sexuality... in a box. 

We are a tad bit introverted, we’re not rich, so not looking for a sugar-baby either, we live a pretty lame life, but if you could see yourself wanting to hike in a huge woods or spending all day picking out beads to make a gemstone bracelet, then give us a shout if you want to start a conversation that might never end.

This is about having someone of the same sex to share a life with, this is about love and fidelity, and if you can’t see that, then you spent entirely too much time reading this.

[tuesdayisfordancing]

@kiragecko said: I use 'polycule' for any number over two. Or just 'relationship/partners'

@fairytalesandimaginings said: I tend to go with the kind of wordy "poly relationship with more than two people" I'm not poly and my social circle has just a handful of poly people in it.

Sensible, consistent.

@captaincanute said: I have knowledge of computers. I only use the word "thruple" for programming. Polyamory does not need a different word.

Wait but it thruple is exclusive to programming doesn’t that mean poly relationships do need a different word?

For me: to be honest even though a little over half of my social circle is poly, relationships of exactly three people and no more don’t come up very often in my real life. Usually if I use the word triad as opposed to polycule or poly family it’s in the context of like “oh are they a closed (as in, polyfidelitous) triad?” And in fandom where 3 person closed relationships come up often I… don’t usually end up structuring sentences to need a word like couple. Usually relationship will do, or ship. Or ot3. Unlike my sensible first commenter I don’t always use polycule for such a dynamic though, I think because I moderately associate polycule with like, a complex web of relationships (even if it’s not that complex. uh, four people involved automatically makes it complex lol). But I do use it sometimes.

Definitely the word people use for themselves takes precedence! But I was curious about the frequency.

Interestingly my last minute reblog has shifted us from “majority of everyone doesn’t use either” to “equal numbers of poly people have voted ‘neither’ and ‘triad’”.

I know I should probably try to get over my dislike of the word “throuple”, that my association with it as a term used by people who are kinda willing to entertain the thought of polyamory as a valid choice but are still kinda or mostly mocking it is wildly outdated at this point, and that subconsciously treating “triad” as a shibboleth for “did this person learn about polyamory from actual poly people” will steer me wrong but like. I need to be a hater for a while longer sorry.

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 

[polyamoryfacts]

Hi! I'm figuring out my identity, I was hoping you wouldn't mind helping a bit? I currently identify as bi but I am questioning a bit. Would you say that someone who doesn't necessarily fall for multiple people at a time but would still be down for an exclusive trio or quad, IF the right partners appear, is still poly? Or is that so specific and small a chance it might be better to stick with 'bisexual open to a possible poly relationship'?

I mean, you are definitely poly or poly-curious. And if course still bi even if you are not falling for multiple people simultaneously.

Chance for what? What is your purpose of finding a wording here? Are you looking for something to write on your dating profile?

I think most people reading "poly relationship" would not necessarily assume that you are only down for an exclusive triad or quad. If you want to attract the right people, and you have hard constraints, you want to be as precise about those constraints upfront as possible. You may want to write "polyfidelitous" for example, or just explain that you are open to a closed triad or quad.

(Obligatory "examine why you want polyfidelity if you haven't already")

Good luck on your journey.

[rotationalsymmetry]

There are two small things that drive me, a Leverage fan, absolutely up the wall about the Leverage fandom.

First, the popularity of The Rundown Job, an objectively terrible episode that I can’t stand to re-watch. It’s like Parker, Hardison, and Eliot got bodily transported into a different show, one which isn’t even in the same genre.

Second, this absolutely wild idea that if Eliot is in a polyamorous relationship with Parker and Hardison (which, yeah, as OT3’s go that one is really special) that means that any time he expresses interest in anyone else, something is going horribly wrong.

Eliot’s seducer characterization is a good thing. The way he flirts with women is realistic for a man who gets laid a lot, and absolutely flies in the face of pickup artist BS. He’s vulnerable and emotionally expressive, he makes the women he flirts with feel good about themselves, he’s attentive and considerate, he’s very sensitive to who’s interested and who isn’t. You never see him attempting to overwhelm someone who isn’t interested with persistence -- he flirts with women who are open to it, who are interested in him, and never ever tries to push himself on a woman who’s not interested just because he thinks she’s hot. (Actually, an awful lot of Eliot’s flirting in the show isn’t out of self interest anyways, it’s for the con, a trope you see more often with female characters.)

And having characters who like casual sex is good; especially, having characters with different attitudes towards sleeping around is good. It’s relatively easy for media to swing towards either “everyone loves hookups“ or “the good characters would never have sex if it’s not True Love” (or the ever fascinating hybrid, characters who “would never do something like that” and yet somehow are) but in reality, some people are living their best lives when they have sex with many different people (whether there’s love and commitment involved or not), and some people are living their best lives when they save sex for especially close relationships. A show that has different characters taking different approaches, without judgement? That’s awesome!

So yeah, it feels like Leverage fans are taking something away when they retcon Eliot’s interest in other women as coming from a place of unfilfimnent that would clearly go away immediately if he was just in the right relationship.

Especially since this is a polyamorous ship! While people can do a polyfidelitous thing where nobody in the polycule is dating anyone else, it’s more common for polyamorous people to date other people freely and on a one on one basis. And it’s fairly common for polyamorous people to also be open to casual sex.

Eliot’s got two hands…but he doesn’t have to be holding hands with Parker and Hardison 24/7. He can be madly in love with and deeply fulfilled by Parker and Hardison, and also be interested in dating other people. And, speaking as a polyamorous person, an OT3 where one of the triad is dating other people, does a much better job of representing the polyamory I aspire to than an OT3 where once the former lady’s man finds himself in a relationship, he never looks at another woman again.

(And if you think Eliot can’t date other people and also be fully committed to Parker and Hardison, or that him dating would imply they're the “real” couple and he’s still the third wheel, that’s your baggage to unpack.)

[absentcaryatid]

Ever since seeing the original discussion of a royal trans reader falling for Prince Yunho and Princess Mingi I have been hooked. Royal AUs are a favorite, so to see my first trans version in such a heavily gendered genre has my agender heart aflutter. I want meaty fanfiction like this, and to get it from the hands of a favorite author I know has done it sensitively makes this so appealing.

As someone without dysphoria, it is very illuminating to see a parent so aggressively overriding her child’s sense of self. My mom calls me princess all the time, and to think of that hurting every instance is painful to consider. This reader is incredibly powerful to persevere rather than cave, when that is such an understandable reaction to a lifetime of such abhorrent treatment.

Immediately we learn he is not alone though, there is another scandalous royal being a disappointment to their family in another kingdom. Our prince also has a supportive sister with problems of her own, and a plan to mutual benefit is hatched that sets the fanfic plot in motion with his letter to Princess Mingi.

Within this letter I offer you a gift – the custom-made dress my mother forced me to order as a condition to be allowed to talk to Prince Yunho at the gala. That’s a long story there, but the short of it is that my sister does not wish to marry him, and to save her the strife, I am offering to be the one from our family to court him instead. I don’t imagine I’ll actually succeed, especially once I tell him that despite what my family likes to tell people, I am, in fact, a man. Being born otherwise does not change that. Unless the Crown Prince is like us, it will probably not lead to much. If he is… well, wouldn’t that be interesting?

Oh yes, I am definitely here for where this is going. But the stress along the way is heartbreaking. I gasped out loud reading this chilling part about Mingi’s conversation with his mother as a teen.

“Mother… I think marriage doesn’t so bad after all.”

“Really now? That’s wonderful news darling, which princess caught your heart, mm?”

That was the last time Mingi remembers his mother calling him darling.

“Actually… it’s the prince.”

But there are such meaningful joys to more than overcome the painful parts like when Mingi sees our prince as a kindred spirit and includes in his return letter:

For the first time, it feels like someone understands me.

I won’t go into the plot further other than to say this spoilery bit: I love the fairy tale catharsis of the ending. Even without magic, it has that genre feel throughout too because of a clever promise-fulfilling twist and lines like this:

If being ourselves makes their blood boil, then I hope they keep boiling until it scalds their very skin.

Mischief, thank you for writing this, it came from the heart, raw emotion included, and that shows in every scene. And the humor keeps it from being too much:

The orchestra stops completely.

I’ll let people discover the context for that delightful moment themselves. I am going to close with an echo of the author’s request that people give the story a chance even if you are nothing like the transmasculine reader. Even being a different flavor of genderqueer, this story was certainly meaningful to me and I believe that cis people can find a lot to love here too.

I promise that this is not like eating vegetables. You will learn some things and gain a new perspective but that is not why I recommend this story. Read it because it is an enjoyable tale with the feel of a fairy tale for mature audiences filled with humor and love to ease the dramatic stresses.

Though, if you have one or more of the identities this is designed to celebrate, do heed the author’s cautions and pick a time to read where you are braced to handle the macro-aggressions. While they are all refuted in the story, it still might be a lot and even felt very tense as a bystander.

♕ of princes and princesses ♕ | s.mg, j.yh

✒ pairing: princess!song mingi x trans!prince!reader x prince!jeong yunho

✒ wc: 16.7k

✒ genre: royalty au, angst, romance, smut, heavy on the themes of queerness and identity

✒ summary:

"Only princesses like princes," you were all told. Mingi figured that must make him a princess, because he knows he loves the Crown Prince of Choeya, Jeong Yunho. "You're a princess," you've been told, but you know you're a prince - and if it takes recruiting the estranged princess of Reuji to help you prove that point on your last stand, so be it. Yunho is throwing a gala between the three kingdoms to forge alliances, and has no idea just how successful he will be.

✒ warnings! blatant transphobia and homophobia, verbal and emotional parental abuse, implied dysphoria, smut, anal (m. receiving), mirror sex, first times (mingi is a virgin), both of them have stupidly huge cocks, unprotected sex bc this is medieval times did they even have condoms? usage of the title "sir"

✒ a/n: this piece is very, very, very important to me, so i really hope you'll give it a shot! i especially invite cis readers to give it a chance to boost more marginalised identities within the reader insert community, to help even one other queer person out there feel more seen and normal. any reblogs or feedback would mean the world to me <3

as this fic is about queerness and acceptance, i will happily rewrite it for other queer identities upon request, whether that be trans woman, nonbinary, or any other shade of queerness, so just let me know!

The scalding syllables of the name that is not yours linger in the air again, ringing in your ears – the painful reminder of who you are expected to be. Princess.

“I’m not your princess,” you snarl, but like always, your words fall on deaf ears as the Queen pivots around to glare at you, shoulders tense and fists clenched.

“You are going to drop that attitude right this instant, young lady. With the gala coming up we cannot afford to have you dragging our kingdom’s name through the mud even more. Do you hear the things they say about you? First Reuji’s boy princess, and now our own Uchian Princess parading around as a prince. It’s a disgrace.”

“Yeah, just like your parenting.”

Keep reading

[foxy-voxy]

Sunday Six

From Chapter 13 of Touch Faith

“You look happy, Eggs,” his mum said, once Daisy had finally run out of steam and turned to colouring-in the children’s menu. “Content, like.”

“Suppose I am. Work’s goin’ real well and I been sorta seeing somebody I like a lot,” he replied.

Michelle looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Just one? Because you seemed to be getting pretty chummy with Merlin from your work, and then with Harry coming back and them being married, I would have thought you’d be seeing two somebodies.”*

How the <i>fuck</i> had his mum got so observant? Sobriety and safety had been great for her. “Yeah, alright, two somebodies. Wasn’t sure you’d approve.”

“If they treat ya right, what reason do I have to object to anything? Which I don’t. You’ve got a big heart, love. Might take two people to fill it up proper.”

“Yeah, I got two best friends, Eggsy. Two! We all play together. It’s fun,” Daisy interjected. “An I have two favorite colors. Purple and green.”

“Well, if my girls think it’s okay, I must be doing things right,” Eggsy acknowledged, as the server came over with their lunch.

*A note from your friendly neighborhood polyamorous Voxy - I want to acknowledge here that polyfidelitous triads are really, really hard to make work equitably for every person involved, and it’s not as easy as we make it look in fanfic most of the time. Couples privilege, unicorn hunting, etc are all problems that do crop up. Add in BDSM and it’s another layer of WTFery at times. Also, not every married couple dates together (god knows spouse and I don’t, our tastes do not run parallel!).

[lgbtqreads]

Do you know of any books that have solo polyamory or an open relationship or pretty much any polyamory rep that's not a polyfidelitous triad or quad et cetera? A vee is fine but I would love to see something that is another configuration, if that's possible. Thanks

Hmm, I think a vee is the only alternative I know - That Inevitable Victorian Thing by EK Johnston, 3 by Hannah Moskowitz, She Whom I Love by Tess Bowery... but you can browse here and check a bunch of polyam options: https://lgbtqreads.com/representation/romantic-sexual-orientation/

[absentcaryatid]

Yunho’s Painful Decision

An ATEEZ fanfic by AbsentCaryatid with Mingi, Yunho, and the reader in a polyfidelitous triad

5.6K words set in the JC world after A Good Life Filled With Love and overlapping with Happy Birthday Betty.

In a poorly timed admission, Yunho breaks news that his romantic partners the reader and her husband Mingi find difficult to deal with.

Content note: so much angst, agender (she/her, comfortably called ‘girl’) and asexual reader, polyamory, homophobia mention, cursing, desire to parent, mention of military conscription

~

You looked over the crowd at Yeosang’s party and saw him on the periphery horsing around with Wooyoung in his arms. Nearby, your husband Mingi was happily playing croquet with a bunch of kids along with Hongjoong and Seonghwa. Terrible at it, Mingi still seemed to be having plenty of fun despite scoring far behind the young people. You suspected the other two adults were faking problems getting balls through the wickets letting the children score their wins.

Yunho’s face was solemn despite the festivities of Yeosang’s marriage to his true love Betty. You sat with your boyfriend at one of the picnic tables as he poked at his cake. “With Seonghwa beginning military service soon after we get back home and Hongjoong to follow months later, it feels like ATEEZ will never be the same again.” Nodding in the direction of the happy couple he added, “I guess the first change was when Yeosang moved out to be with Betty in their Seoul apartment whenever she was in Korea but he still came back to the dorms if she had work to do in the United States. It was more final when Mingi left after you bought your house together.”

Smiling at the recollection, you agreed, “It has been a lot of changes since KQ brought you together all those years ago. I suppose there are some things to look forward to now though. Without touring, the less booked schedules will leave time for other projects. I know Jongho is excited about his next drama. It would not surprise me to hear you have another one lined up yourself.”

Yunho seemed unusually distant as he struggled to keep up conversation. Typically, he loved to discuss what was next for his career and the silence was telling. Something was going on, but you knew he would not talk about it until he was ready. Still, you felt wary about what this could mean. Along with the rest of ATEEZ, Yunho had recently renewed his contract with KQ Entertainment so it was probably not related to work. Not wanting your mind to spiral into baseless concerns for his health, you decided to mingle with Betty’s relatives while you had the opportunity to see them again.

The time spent talking was pleasant enough but you were feeling tired from the long day. So, you let your spouse know you were leaving the party and asked if he wanted to to come back to the hotel with you. Mingi was now playing badminton with the children present and having a great time so he decided he would head back with one of the other ATEEZ members later. Seeing your weariness, he wished he had taken the time to earn a driving license to assist you now. Offering another form of support, Mingi called out to your mutual boyfriend Yunho suggesting he safely take you back down the unfamiliar winding road in your rental car.

With immediate concern for you, Yunho placed his hand on Jongho’s shoulder apologizing for an abrupt exit from their conversation with Betty’s grandparents. Together you said brief goodbyes to the groom then told your other friends you would see them at the hotel later. Yunho then walked you to the parking lot with quick hugs to your friend Betty, now Yeosang’s wife, on the way.

The car left Tilden Park and began the descent down the Berkeley, California hills under Yunho’s careful hands. He was good at driving and usually would have enjoyed the challenge of the switchbacks, but that was clearly not the case today. You wondered if you would come to regret opening this can of worms here and now but the infinite doubts were worse than a concrete problem could be. “You aren’t dying, are you?”

The blunt question startled your boyfriend and he asked incredulously, “What?” Yunho shook his head. “Where did you get that idea?”

“Something felt off at the wedding. You did not seem yourself. I know you just ended a world tour and that can leave you in need of rest but this feels very different. I need to know what is going on with you so I can help if I can.”

“Shit.” Hearing that from him meant something was definitely up and you grew more anxious. “I wanted to wait until we were back home in Korea to give you my news.” Soon Yunho was pulling the rental car off the hillside road to have your discussion safely. The turnout he parked in had a beautiful view of the setting sun but your mind was completely on Yunho and bracing for whatever he was about to say.

Knowing he was about to break your heart and then Mingi’s in turn, he simply turned to you and said, “I am working on having children.”

Gutted, despite always knowing this would happen one day when Yunho found a person to have kids with, it still hurt like nothing else and your response was uncharacteristically hard. “How could you have a new partner when we agreed to keep everyone informed before becoming sexually active with someone else?”

Yunho agitatedly put his head in his hands. “No, no, no, it is not like that at all. I am doing this so badly. Forgive me for letting your mind go there by not explaining things better.” Yunho took a deep breath allowing him to continue the difficult talk. “I have stopped looking for a partner to share a child with. If it happens it happens, but there is no one on the horizon partly because nobody measures up to Mingi or you.” This at least brought a small smile to your face and Yunho was now reassured he could make it through the conversation, however painful it would be all around.

“Lately I have been looking into becoming an adoptive parent instead. This would have to happen after my military service of course, so I have planned to move that up. Once dismissed, I would not return to the dorms but into a place of my own with extra bedrooms. Luckily the agency I talked to is willing to let single people apply and they really seemed attracted to the good publicity my high profile could bring getting more people interested in the important role of adopting. I wanted to run this plan by you and Mingi before I confirmed with the military or made a formal request to KQ Entertainment for the absence.”

“Yunho, that is great. You have wanted this for so long. I understand how important family is to you.” Knowing that this is where his mind was came as a great relief. “Stress is hard to turn off, but you really should not worry about being a good father. I have admired your skill with children for years. Making sure your work schedule accommodates parenthood will be a priority of mine.”

“Please, let me finish.” He looked in physical pain. “You know you once said, ‘Whatever you need from me, whenever, you shall have it.’ It kills me to ask, but what I need is to break up with you and Mingi.” Yunho watched the color drain from your face, even in the dimming evening light it was evident. He made sure you did not seem to have any other physical symptoms before continuing. Yeosang had warned him he’d better plan his delivery well. Having firsthand experience with breaking up despite both parties very much wanting to stay together, Yeosang had advised picking the timing of any discussion wisely and here he was just blurting it out.

Yunho closed his eyes and tried to choose his words carefully. “If I am going to be a single parent I do not want to go through the early childhood years. An older child or two will be a different kind of hard work but I am likely to find someone who needs a father. However, a bachelor sleeping with a married couple is not what they are looking for when placing vulnerable kids. They will investigate my life and I will not lie so I regret that my romantic relationships with you and Mingi have to end to make this dream come true.”

Holding your hands in his as you turned toward each other in the car, Yunho admitted, “My love for you has not changed, and I don’t think it ever will, but my private life has to be morally spotless, especially as a single man looking to adopt children by myself. Our deep, loving relationship would be viewed as participating in an affair and our homophobic society would look even more askance at my love for your husband.

Unbidden, a sob escaped your throat and you took time enough to recover to talk through your tears. “All along you warned us children were in your future and eventually I will be able to be happy for you, Yunho. I see this breakup isn’t something you really want either but I understand your circumstances.”

The relief in his face was clear, this must have been an impossible choice and he had borne the decision making alone apart from a lot of listening and good advice from Wooyoung, San, and Yeosang you would come to learn later. In time you could wish Yunho had found a partner to parent with making everything easier but in the moment your heart was glad you had not been replaced. Fearfully you asked, “Is it already over or can you spend one last weekend with us?”

“You would still have me, even as badly as I have botched this delivery?”

With tear-filled eyes you reassured him, “Always, and no matter how many years it takes for your kids to grow up and you come back to us, I will always welcome you with open arms.” Now it was his turn to tear up at this unexpectedly accepting news. Even at this moment of utter shock your mind turned toward consoling your boyfriend. “How long has this been on your mind?”

“Since the beginning of the tour. I knew I needed to tell you both but wanted to wait till we got back to Korea. I could not risk the success of the concert performances if Mingi did not take it well.”

“Fuck the business.”

He looked up, startled at your response.

“You should never have had to bear the weight of your decision for so long. No wonder you felt distant whenever I called. I had noticed and wondered if you had a potential new partner who would have kids with you on the condition you were monogamous. So being dumped is not completely out of the blue, but for a different reason. Instead of a person, you’re leaving me for somebody else’s misguided sense of propriety.” Heartbroken, you still found sympathy for Yunho. “I am so sorry you were not able to savor what was some of our last time together.”

“It is true,” he sniffled. “Today I sat there watching the lizard on my hand, feeling the way you leaned against me on the picnic bench, hand warm on my thigh. It was a moment to relax and enjoy but all I could think about was how much I would be hurting you with the news once we got back home in a week. I had no idea everything was going to fall apart minutes later. This timing was certainly not planned.”

Reaching toward him in the car, he seemed surprised by your compassion for his position in the midst of your own turmoil. As your hand held his shoulder Yunho despondently blinked away tears. “I wish I had never hoped to have kids.”

“You have a very common, human need. Nobody is at fault here, Yunho. But damn. Fuck the adoption committee that wants to dictate what a moral life looks like.”

“Yeah,” he breathed raggedly. You both broke down sobbing in each other’s arms. It did not solve anything but it helped a little in the moment. Thankfully the pullout was large and the few cars passing on the road were distant enough to not get a good look at your activity. You hated that even at a time like this part of your mind was devoted to defending his image as an idol. But it really wasn’t that you realized, you were protective of your lover having his grief splashed across the tabloids around romantic circumstances he never wished to disclose to public scrutiny.

Recovering somewhat, Yunho said, “I thought by now I would’ve met someone, we could’ve had kids or perhaps they were already a parent and I’d be incorporated into their lives.”

You put a hand in his again consolingly. “Anybody would be lucky to have you as a stepfather or adoptive parent.”

The rest of the short trip back to the hotel was silent apart from sniffling from both you and Yunho. As he drove, you kept looking over to him knowing he would be in your presence far less often from here on out. He was no longer yours, or at least on the brink of that being true, and it was something you did not want to face.

Walking from the lobby to your shared room went quietly. Using humor to deal with pain, your spirits partially recovered to ruefully dig at Yunho, “If you will not be available to me anymore I might just have to see if Jongho can fit me into his busy dating schedule.” Unknowingly overheard, San came out of his room you had just passed with a jacket on and one for Wooyoung as he was about to head back to the party in the park. A thoughtful look was on his face. So, the bombshell of such weighty news had been detonated early. He would be sure to tell Wooyoung so both of them could be available tonight if anyone needed some comforting.

Closing the door to the hotel room shared with Mingi and Yunho, you instantly regretted lashing out with a threat of replacement and apologized at once.

In return Yunho offered his regrets for sharing the news on this otherwise happy day.

“The harm from keeping this to yourself must have been too much to bear. You really are a good actor, I saw so little of your stress until today and as a partner I should have.” Yunho held you through another fit of crying as he stroked your head and rubbed your back. Needing even closer touch, you asked Yunho to shower with you. Things always felt better after a shower, but you had never asked so much of the activity before. The warm water could not fix things but at least you might feel less wrung out.

It helped somewhat, as did drinking plenty of water. Yunho offered a cuddle in bed and you gratefully accepted, eager to get any more time from him you could. With your head on his chest, his heartbeat and warmth soothed you. Still in distress himself, Yunho continued a night of poorly timed admissions saying, “Maybe it would’ve been best if you never had agreed to date me after all.”

“Never,” you said with such vehemence it startled him. “Falling in love not just once but twice was so unexpected. To have been loved by you even if it had to end was worth it at any cost.” He could hear the resignation in your voice as you added, “I did not know it would be so physically painful though.”

“This is your first breakup, isn’t it?” Nodding, you clung to him tighter under the covers. “I don’t know how much comfort I can be when I am the cause,” Yunho added with regret. “Love hurts both when you long for it and when you have to give it up.”

You gasped as tears filled your eyes again, blurring the world. All these years of wiping tears of joy from Yunho’s cheeks and now he was doing the same for you but for an opposite reason. “Now that you know, we can plan how to tell Mingi as gently as possible.”

He saw you furious for the first time in his life. Bolting upright, your voice turned icy. “Don’t you dare underestimate the depth of my love for you.” It came out harder than you expected and you were shaking. “This was no easier for me to hear than it will be for him, even though your relationship is more physical. For so long I thought we had a reprieve once you understood kids can learn about polyamorous families. It seemed like you could have a child with a primary partner and still have room for us in your life. And now to lose that, for the duration of a whole childhood, it’s harder than I ever expected to take.”

“I knew I would fuck this up if I was not prepared for the conversation to happen and I just dumped it on you anyway.” Yunho hung his head, appalled at his sloppy handling of the situation. “You are dealing with this better than I deserve when all I have earned is your rage. Just because I know nobody can soothe our Mingi like you can, not even me, that does not mean I can assign that job to you when there is an equal depth to your grief.”

“Thank you, Yunho. I needed to hear you acknowledge that.” You dressed again and decided to walk off your bitter energy. As you made your way down the hotel hall you heard a muffled sob then a wail through a pillow, the saddest sound you had ever heard in your life, come from the shared room and your own eyes teared up once more. Wanting nothing more than to run back and comfort Yunho, you made the difficult but necessary choice to look after yourself in the moment. Carrying his pain too would only double your own and you needed to pull it together because soon enough you would have your husband to tend to.

Over the walk you began to feel slightly charitable again despite the sudden, crushing news. You were only losing half of your romantic relationships whereas Yunho was losing all of them in one swoop before heading to the military and apart from the team who had been his support for years. Mingi and you would have each other, and Yunho wouldn’t even have a partner to parent with. You were almost back to the room when Yunho’s text came through.

“Mingi knows now but I don’t think it has really hit him yet. Jongho is taking me in for the night but I will not leave Mingi alone until you return. Take all the time you need.”

Three replies were sent to Yunho in quick succession. “Almost there. Please stay.” “I need the comfort of your arms tonight even if it may be for the last time.” “I love you.” Wiping the tear that fell to your screen, you then brought out your keycard and braced to face the aftermath.

~

Needing to begin distancing himself, Yunho shared a room with Jongho at Yosemite’s historic Ahwahnee Hotel instead of with you and Mingi as originally planned. As popular as Jongho was with women, Yunho was unsure if he would be intruding on nights his friend could be spending with dates picked up on vacation.

Jongho was quick to welcome the change. “It will not impact my plans at all. In fact, it will be nice to have you around.” Left unsaid was the benefit he felt Yunho would get from less opportunity to mope around Mingi and yourself. Chuckling, he added, “I suppose I can put my appetites on hold for a week.” With a wry grin Jongho then asked, “What must you think of me?”

Yunho was reassuring that he passed no judgement on the frequency with which Jongho enjoyed a variety of girlfriends, all top-tier K-pop stars and always two at a time. “After all, you have never questioned my choices. When you so easily take advantage of many options it must have looked silly for me to be hung up on a crush for so long even if it did turn out to be reciprocated in the end.”

“You would be surprised how much value I see in what you had.” Jongho’s gaze was distant and Yunho left him to his thoughts as they both unpacked for the week.

The vacation passed in a blur. Years later you couldn’t even be sure you had been to Yosemite National Park if not for the pictures. Yeosang was the only member unaware of the drama in his group which was a good thing because it didn’t put a dampener on his honeymoon with Betty. As the news had filtered through the group the morning after the wedding, Seonghwa wisely had bought out one store’s supply of wrap around sunglasses before boarding the chartered bus to the park. They had served you well over the trip as fans watched your party from a respectful distance.

There was also a lot to be grateful to Yeosang for. Given his history of leaving his carnation shaped birthmark visible as a sign he did not want to be photographed and not available for fan encounters came in handy for the rest of the team who had adopted the look on this vacation. All seven members in need of a flower nature had not provided from birth, in addition to you and Betty, spent the honeymoon trip with an actual carnation tucked behind your ears thanks to a daily supply courtesy of Hongjoong’s thoughtfulness. Everybody who considered themselves ATINY respected the signal of the flower and it made at least one aspect of the final days of your relationship with Yunho easier. Being photographed while going through all these emotions would have been unbearable.

All eyes in your trio were red still when it came time to board the airplane home. Mingi had the window and zoned out most of the lengthy flight before dozing eventually. So trusting in the good of people, he was in denial and thought if it could just be explained how much the three of you were in love it would solve everything. It was obvious to him how good Yunho would be as a parent so he expected it to be just as clear to any selection committee.

Perhaps Mingi understood more that he was letting on though. As your husband slept he kept hold of your hand, squeezing it now and then as if to make sure you were still really there. Wooyoung had the other as you sat between the men. He had made no objection when Yunho asked to switch seats with him moving the younger member into your row. Being one of the confidantes along with Yeosang and San to help Yunho through his decision, he had known the reveal was coming and he was glad the relationship between his teammates had not imploded while still on tour. Still, he had seen the toll the secret had taken. Yunho’s recent performances had not been his best work.

Armrest up, Wooyoung pressed into your side talking quietly, head consolingly on your shoulder and arm entwined with yours. In other circumstances the remaining members might have wondered if this unusual closeness was the start of a new romantic relationship but the scene made sense to San and he used the time apart from his partner to keep an eye on Yunho. With time, everybody fell asleep but it brought you no peace.

~

ATEEZ duties resumed with a flurry of activity wrapping up the final appearances before members would begin serving in the military. Yunho had been able to move up his enlistment and you and Mingi awaited his arrival for a final weekend together as partners, in the short term at least, but possibly forever. With arms around each other in comfort, absorbed in your own thoughts, Yunho had slipped in unnoticed and made his way to the piano to announce his presence with the song you now associated with his visits. At the sound of ‘Summer’ by Joe Hisaishi you raced to his side and hugged him like you would never let go, quickly joined by Mingi. Despite the tight hold, Yunho finished the song before kissing you both. Hesitantly, he asked, “May I keep the piano here until I have an apartment of my own when I get out of the service?”

“Of course. Mingi goofs off on it from time to time and there is really no space to keep it at the dorm. In fact, we can store anything you need while you are away. You don’t need to rent a storage space or leave things with your parents.”

Eyes downcast and grimacing in shame, Yunho replied, “Thank you, you are being too good to me when I have caused so much pain.”

“You once said your visits were like a dream. Now I see what you meant. It does hurt that you want kids more than you want me and Mingi but then you have been honest with us about that from the start. Our future was always uncertain and we hoped you could find a partner to have children with who was comfortable with polyamory so little would change. But, this situation of adopting sounds non-negotiable and I can not blame you for ending things to make your dream come true. Mingi and I can comfort each other but you no longer will have a lover to turn to for consolation.”

“I was not going to while serving the country anyway, even if we had stayed together. But still, this is so awful for you too and I should not downplay that. Here I am dumping you both unexpectedly and meanwhile you are the ones kindly looking after me.”

“The situation is the problem, it is not you at all. My love for you would never change unless you asked me to stop caring, and even then I don’t think I could. May I still write to you at your barracks when you leave for duty?”

“That would mean the world to me.” Yunho caught himself and backpedaled his excitement. “I am not expecting you to, knowing how you fell for Mingi in writing, and you already love me which would undoubtedly show through. Maybe a clean break is needed.” You nodded in understanding even if you did not like the answer. Yunho continued, “I am content to have Jongho give me the news. He is such a good storyteller and has already promised to keep me informed about all the little things I will be missing back home in the dorm.”

Mingi put a hand on your back soothingly and commented, “That’s probably for the best anyway. Even if people know our girl works for KQ, getting frequent letters from the wife of a teammate is a little bit suspicious.”

Nodding, Yunho agreed, “And, as much as I should be able to trust my brothers in arms, there’s always the possibility of the letters being photographed or even stolen to wind up in the tabloids and I do not want that to happen to us no matter how innocent they are.”

Gone in a blink, the weekend soon ended and the last days of your polyfidelitous triad were over. The final goodbye came hard but you managed to wish your lover success in the rest of his life. “Farewell, Yunho.” With a lingering kiss to Mingi and an all too brief group hug as romantic partners, he disengaged himself and walked outside. Without looking back, Yunho waved out the car window as he left.

With that you and Mingi were down to one partner, just right for many and more than others ever got no matter how much they might desire love, but it was less than you were accustomed to. Even without it being a sexual relationship, you felt the loss no less deeply than Mingi and you grieved for what would have been in a more understanding world that would not make Yunho choose between his desires for family in the two different forms.

Mingi saw you going down that well-worn path of regret that you had never wanted kids. Everything would have been solved if you had just decided to have children with Yunho in any form they might have come into your life. “Hey,” Mingi said, caressing a tear from your cheek as one slid down his own. “You know it was right for us to give him the difficult answer that kids are not what we want. Going against our hearts that way would not have ended well and deep down you know it too.”

“True, but knowing it and getting my broken heart to understand are two different things.”

He pulled you close and stroked your hair, calming you somewhat. “Maybe we could use some new surroundings. Annie is always encouraging us to visit the country where she grew up. Shall we see if she will be back home in Brazil anytime soon? I think the change would do us good and with one member gone and Seonghwa soon to follow our schedules are pretty free right now. I can do a V Live from anywhere when needed and your work is often portable too. So, what do you say?”

“Thank you for being my rock, Mingi. I love you for your idea and so much more.” You set your face with not wholly felt certainty. “We will survive this. Yunho is not gone from our lives, just back to being a friend. And we can still see him on breaks from the military when he stays at the ATEEZ dorm or with his parents.”

“Yet I want more.” Your husband buried his head in your shoulder, wetting your neck with his tears.

“Me too. I don’t think I can see Yunho for a while for fear of clinging to him.” You sighed heavily. “Our lives were so much richer with our boyfriend and I would not have had it any other way despite the pain now.” Mingi nodded with nothing to add but his arm around your waist as you walked back into the house beginning several days of intermittent crying on both your parts. You would live, but damn, it hurt.

~

Jeong Aurora and Jeong Nero raced into their father’s bedroom waking him up early by jumping onto the bed. “Slow down, your footed pajamas can be slippery,” he groggily cautioned as he raised the covers making space for his girls on either side.

“Dad, we are adults now. We can take care of ourselves,” his daughter Nero, the elder by three minutes, complained as she and her sister snuggled against their father.

Yunho wrapped an arm around each girl’s shoulder as he sat up in bed. “You will always be my babies. I can’t help but worry about your safety.” Now that he had moved in with Mingi and yourself he spent far less time at the old apartment in Seoul where he had raised his children but they had taken over the lease and their dad remained a frequent guest when he was working in the region. Yunho was older now and showing some gray between dye jobs for ATEEZ duties but being around his kids always made him feel young again, even if they thought he was ancient.

Thrilled to be living with his partners now, he still made sure to come back to the girls’ place for this important day. Accepting Aurora’s invitation, Yunho agreed to let them take him out for their traditional breakfast in honor of Father’s Day. “Though I should be treating you, coming into my life has been a dream come true and my greatest joy.”

The sisters were used to their dad’s sentimentality and secretly loved it but never said so. Yunho could always tell, despite their claims he was being too mushy. His children gave him a sweet and solemn card to celebrate the occasion. Each of the young women had written a heartfelt paragraph attempting to convey even a fraction of how much Yunho meant to them, and as usually happened on this day, he began to tear up. This time his twins did too, having grown as tenderhearted as their father after so long together.

It had been many years since they had entered his life in their early teens and the anniversary of that day held special meaning for the family. All the milestones were commemorated throughout the year- the day they first met when the foster youth group toured KQ, when he applied for adoption, then when they came home for a trial period, and the courthouse date finalizing papers. The last event was the cause for today’s personalized Father’s Day unique to their family. Yunho would always be grateful to Seonghwa and Hongjoong who had convinced him to follow his heart and apply to adopt despite all the challenges of being a single parent to teenagers. All in all, he was exceedingly proud of the way both of his daughters and the rest of his life had turned out.

~

On to An Interlude With Annie which comes next in the series or go straight to Yunho making his dream come true in The ATEEZ Family Grows. His eventual reunion with his partners can be found at Yunho Comes Back.

Masterlist

[mesuikis]

How would you feel about a triad/polyfidelitous relationship?

i’ve never been in one! but i’m definitely willing to try something like that! sounds fun!

[polyadvice]

Is it bad to only want a closed polycule?

Concerning Unicorn Hunters, their behavior is gross. But, what if I (I’m currently single) want to be in a triad, maybe joining a couple, maybe finding two people who then get together. I have abandonment anxiety and am greyromantic asexual. I would want a closed polycule - be it triad, Vee, quad or whatever. Does that make me bad?

It is absolutely not bad to want a closed or polyfidelitous relationship. Wanting this is not bad; it’s how certain people go about seeking it that is bad. Just like wanting sex is morally fine, while sleazy pickup artist nonsense is not.

You’ll need to be clear and open about what you’re looking for and spend time in social and dating spheres where people are also looking for that. It may take some time to find, and you may encounter some obnoxious unicorn hunting couples, but literally no one has an easy time finding their ideal relationship!

I would caution you about one thing: you say that you have “abandonment anxiety.” That is not a relationship orientation, it’s a mental health problem, and it’s something worth working on rather than just indulging. Setting up your relationship terms out of fear, or because you think a specific type of relationship will keep you safe from painful feelings, is a recipe for disaster. It’s good to know your limits and boundaries, but it’s not good to just surrender to anxiety and let it define your relationships. Please talk to a therapist who specializes in abandonment and attachment and work on this issue - you may never be totally free of it, but it should not be a key determinant of your relationships.

[wizdomtooth]

parallel polyamory. a polyamorous throuple; "[p]olyamorous relationships can involve as many people as the people involved want, including three, four and even five or more people." closed polycule - like a closed triad, so then there would be an open polycule and/or open triad. polyfidelitous; sometimes shortened to 'polyfi'.

garden party polyamory. "The middle ground between kitchen table parallel polyamory; sometimes used for the polycule with a bit of everything[.]" lap-sitting polyamory. which is "the more extreme version of Kitchen Table Polyamory[.]" beyond love. and an N also known as a Z. zee or zed. zac and zac.

"Groups and networks larger than four people often simply use 'polycule' or 'constellation' to describe their network[.]" i like the term constellation... and just like there is metamour (beyond love, etc.) then there's also telemour...

"Taken as a whole, research on polyamorous relationships indicates that most CNM persons report being their happiest and healthiest with around 3-5 partners." like the children thing. this number of five. or five or more. but seems to cap at 5. polysaturation. polysaturated.