#plz be kind if you critique me

[sad-leon]

Here’s a wip of something I started :D

here’s a tumblr exclusive thing cuz instagram wont let me upload gifs and I do not have the energy to convert the sketch

[hoshigray]

Anon said: I hope it's okay.. wondering if you could write something for ushijima where he's married with kids and the mc is starting to feel insecure about her body and ushijima shows to her how much he still gets turned on by her (now more than ever too). Also I'm really happy I came across your blog! Absolutely love your writing! 🤗💕✨️

Omg another Ushi request!! Stop this is so cute, has me grinnin' and shit!! Tysm for the kind words, noonie, happy to have you on my blog as well~ ;w; ♡ (also, I'm so so so SO sorry for deleting your ask before, plz forgive me bc the draft wasn't finished AT ALL, lmao)

Cw: Ushijima x fem! reader - soft and then smutty, so minors DNI - reader is chubby + has stretch marks cuz I said so - kisses on body (f! receiving) - cunnilingus/oral (f! receiving) - implied breeding kink - praise - biting (Ushi nibbles on your tummy, cheeks, and nipples) - clitoral play (swiping and sucking) - ends with implied insertion - slight overstimulation - reader feeling self-conscious about their body but Ushi coming in for the rescue - you and Ushi have two-year-old twin sons!! Wc: 2.8k

There's nothing you would want to change about your life.

You already thought you hit the jackpot when you stumbled upon and started dating THE Wakatoshi Ushijima, a man you never — in your WILDEST dreams imaginable — could see yourself with. And the fact that he proposed and took you as his spouse is shocking enough. But now, as you see him on the couch with two small children asleep on his lap as the man watches the television, it's hard to conceal the smile that sneaks past your comprehension, and you silently walk upstairs to your shared bedroom.

It's been three years since you and Ushijima tied the knot, and you expectant with two boys immediately after. Since then, your life has gotten brighter and brighter by the day. Not only has Ushijima been a great and supportive unit as he has been since he first met you, but watching your sons grow into such beautiful bundles of joy never fails to make you beam with glee. And it's so cute because they're literal carbon copies of their father! Aside from being much more expressive and bubbly than their silent parent, he says they get from you.

For the past three years, every day in the Ushijima household has been grateful. Having a loving husband and two wonderful children is evidence of such. Because of this happiness you bestow and witness, there's absolutely nothing in this life that you'd want to change or replace…

...But that's a lie because there is one thing you'd wish to change. And it bothers you as you stare into the bedroom mirror.

Turning your figure to the left and right in your underwear, you're the only one here who can point out the critiques of your body that you've noticed since pregnancy. Your brows crease as you bore holes at the plumpness of your abdomen that wasn't this curvy before, the detailed streaks of your stretch marks indicating the changes your body's undergone through the years. And your appearance comes off plumper than you've remembered prior; memories of your "perfect" figure from your wedding night flood your mind.

The mirror doesn't display a "you" that you recognize. It's a "you" that has long replaced your old self — the old self who was distinct compared to now, the old self that would model cute outfits and pose with their friends, the old self that grabbed the attention of a well-renowned volleyball player and would soon bear his children.

That old self is long gone, fueling your dismay about who you're looking at as your reflection. This is you, but this isn't your body, is it? It can't be. A body like this shouldn't be able to experience the happiness you're experiencing...should it? The more you stare at your reflection, the blurrier your head is clouded with your thoughts, and an uncomfortable bob strangles your throat.

KNOCK!! KNOCK!!

You jump at the sudden sound, turning to face the ajar bedroom door. Your husband, Ushijima, entering halfway. "Can I come in?"

"Uhhh, yeah, come in!" You stutter as you grab an oversized shirt (Ushijima's) to cover up. It's funny: being together all these years and you still wish to be modest around your partner. He closes the door behind him once you sit on your side of the bed. "Put the boys to bed."

"Mhmm." He hums in response, walking to the mirror you were using, touching up on his hair before taking off his shirt. He stretches in front of the glass, and you observe him as he does so. His reflection depicts the gorgeous lean physique as his breathtaking back muscles captivate you. Even when he goes into the closet to fetch a more comfortable tee to sleep in, your eyes never leave him.

Strong. Stoic. Incredibly athletic. And a cadence that engulfs anyone in his path. There are many ways people in your surroundings have depicted your husband. And with a front-row seat, you understand what they mean. Ushijima is a rather unusual breed of man, both mind and body; it's a fact you've known before you two dated. And it's a fact that grasps your attraction to him constantly. All these years, and he's still the handsome man you fell in love with.

Makes you wonder if he thinks the same for you. Even with your current body...

"Y/n." A voice snaps you back to the present, turning to the other side of the bed to see Ushijima look directly at you. You blink with a shiver; he must've been calling for you while deep in your thoughts. "You okay?"

You cough before answering. "Ahem, yeah, yeah! Sorry, I'm fine."

The man trenches his brows. "No, you're not." He cuts you off before you can say an excuse. "This is the third time this week you've been thinking up a storm to yourself. Not to mention you've been doing it for the past few months."

"Am...Was I that obvious?"

"That, and I saw you looking at yourself earlier." It's bad enough his blunt answers shoot arrows to your heart, but to know he did see you eyeing yourself at the mirror? Your mind goes rampant thinking what he'll say next. "So, what's wrong?"

You could try to dismiss the topic again and just retire for the night, but you know Ushijima well enough to know you can trust him with what you're thinking. You sigh heavily, turning to your fingers that fidget amognst themselves. "Toshi...Do you...like my body?"

One second goes by. Three seconds. The silence gnaws you, you chew on your lip to distract yourself until the man answers. "...What do you mean?"

"Like...before I had the boys, I felt real...confident? With myself?" Your fingers now toy with the comforter covering your lower body, the awkward atmosphere eating you alive. "I'm not saying I was the most gorgeous person alive or anything, but I liked how my body looked. And now, after being pregnant and everything, I just feel like.....I don't know. Forget about it; good night!" You swiftly turned off the lamp on your bedside and patted your pillow. But before you can situate yourself to sleep, a hand comes to your cheek, prompting you to look at your spouse again.

"Y/n." The way he says your name is so calm and comforting. You lean to his touch. "Is that what's been bothering you?"

You nod, a thumb stroking the soft flesh of your cheek. "Yeah, it's just me with my stupid thoughts bullying me, really..."

Ushijima hums, his free hand freeing your lower half from the warm comforter, exposing your legs to the air-conditioned space. "You shouldn't let those thoughts take the best out of you. You're an adult; it's only natural that your body changes as you grow. And as a mother, it's not guaranteed you'll look like your old self." Once again, the man obliviously scolds you with his curt response. Although, you know he's not wrong, nodding to his words.

"I know, I know. It's just..." Another sigh leaves your fatigued lips. "Every time I look at myself, I just don't know...how can such an amazing and wonderful guy like you still want to be with me looking...different. I get it: it's just my head being mean. But still..." And you leave it at that, withdrawing your face from his warm palm.

Ushijima, though, kept his eyes on your solemn expression. He tries again, bringing his hand up to your chin to look at him. "To answer your question: yes, I do like your body. The reason why is that it's your body. I keep mine in the same condition — if not better — simply because I have a job that requires me to do so. But that's just for me, not you. I didn't date you just because of your body alone. I sure didn't propose to you for it either. I married you — all of you. I love everything about you, and that love hasn't changed since I said my vows." The hand on your chin returns to cupping your cheek. "And it won't change just because of some natural changes to your body. Otherwise, I'd be a terrible husband and father for thinking so."

"Toshi..." Just when you thought your love for this man couldn't get any significant, he always finds a way to bring it up to substantial levels. Your heart swoons to his words, making you fall unquestionably in love with him again. Now you bring a hand to his cheek, "You're such a wonderful man, you know that? So lucky to have you as my husband." He averts his gaze from yours, a sign you know is his way of accepting praise.

"I'll say this, though," the tall man places his other hand to seize your small one on his cheek, olive eyes boring into yours: a sign of honesty. "Ever since you had the twins, I think you've become more beautiful than before."

His face draws in close, and your breath hitches. "Toshi—"

"I mean it. You're so beautiful..." His lips rest on your plump ones, and you're gently pushed to your back with your head on the pillows. It doesn't take long for you to melt into his kisses, small gasps when he leaves your lips to set sweet smooches on your cheek and neck. "So beautiful for me....."

The feeling of his lips on you has you under his spell, and you mean when a hand snakes under your shirt. Ushijima lifts the material to expose your body to him; humility still runs over you as you use your hands to cover yourself. But the man before you doesn't let that happen, moving your hands off your body and onto his shoulders. "Don't do that. Let me see it all." His mouth goes back to your neck, sucking on your skin that'll surely leave marks for you to see in the morning.

He then ventured down, kissing and sucking on every piece of insecurity that caged you. Every stretch mark, from your shoulders to your tummy, kissed with love and gratitude. Your plush thighs were rubbed by his hands before his mouth came down, giving the fat above your panties a teasing bite, causing your legs to jerk. Ushijima removes your underwear, discards the lacy material to the cold wooden floor, and spreads your legs to have your bare genitalia out for him to see.

Your face is now hot from the exposition. "Toshi..." you say his name in a whisper, not wanting to get loud as your bedroom is not too far from your sons'. "Please, you don't have to—Ooohhh..." You're cut off when you feel his tongue lap on one of your nipples, licking on the bud while using his hand to toy with the other breast.

"No, I do have to." He says in between licks to your nipple before taking it wholly into his mouth; your whimpers fail to cooperate on wanting to be stifled by your lips. The heat between your legs starts to flourish, having you grind your thighs together to ease the throbbing sensation. And Ushihima notices, releasing your mound from his hand and slithering it between your soft thighs, protruding his fingers between the folds of your vagina. A sharp cry comes out of you at the sudden contact of his forefinger brushing your clit.

"Ahhhh! Toshi, right there, right—Mmmmm..."

"Not yet, Y/n," your husband coos to your ears, his voice so hot to hear. "Need to warm you up first..." He lays kisses on your neck while pushing his finger into you. You bring a hand to cover the shriek from exiting when his digit enters your chasm, your inner walls adjusting to the size. And when he inserts his middle fingers, you find purchase on the tee he's wearing.

"Oooh, hooohh...Jesus Christ, Toshi, your fingers," you whine to him. He brings his face up to glance at yours. "Feels so good, so—Ahaaannn!!"

"Shhhh, keep feeling good for me." He coaxes you with a kiss on your forehead, the pace of his fingers quickens, and the squelching noises coming from your cunt burn your ears. Your hips buck whenever his digits scrape the velvety walls, and your mind slowly descends into a lustful haze. You want him so bad — want him right now.

And Ushijima takes this time to examine your body while he works on your leaky slit. Watching your figure quiver to his touch, your mouth agape for cute moans to fill the space, and your eyes screwed to an expression of pleasure. Here is where he treasures you more than ever: having you like this with him and only him. It turns him on. It's a raunchy thought, but it's true.

Beauty stirs many images in Ushijima's mind. But nothing triumphs over the true definition of beauty when it's about you. You are the most beautiful in his eyes, both body and soul. Every time he looks at you, the memory of your first smile to him flashes before him, a moment he cherishes till his last breath and is the moment that cemented his wish to have you by his side. And now married with two bouncing boys, there has not been one instance where his light for you diminishes. If anything, it grows brighter and brighter.

However, when it comes to his attention that you don't see yourself in the same light as he does, it's only befitting for a husband to fix that. Because, in his eyes, even through all the changes throughout the years, your body still drives him insane. Especially now, when he's the reason that transformed you with his youths. And seeing you writhe on the bed with his fingers in your vulva, that switch that once flipped before has twitched something inside him...

"Ahhhn!! Nnnmm!! Toshi, Oh God..." The tall man snaps to your disheveled look, your eyes watery and lips puffy from frequent chews. "Haaah!! It's coming, I'm gonna—Ohoooo!!"

"Go ahead. Cum on me, Y/n." He kisses and nibbles your cheeks before putting his mouth on your nipple once more, sucking and lightly biting the nub while pushing his fingers in and out of your cunt at a sporadic rhythm. He places his thumb on your clitoris, swiping and grinding on the tender button. And that was the final piece for your orgasm to overtake you, the walls of your slit clamping around his digits while your body quivers with the crawl of your spine.

Your cries fill the bedroom, riding out your climax until the last tremble. Toes curl as your pussy flutters on him, and they relax when your body is sheathed with a soothing silence that calms you down from the aftershocks. Pants exit swollen lips, too distracted in your bliss to catch a glimpse of Ushijima moving downward to your southern lips, his tongue running on your slick-coated folds.

A forced wail comes out at the motion of his mouth on your chasm. "T-Toshi, stop! I'm too sensit—Iiieeee!!" Your hollers return with an ecstatic vigor as your husband drinks your essence.

"Y/n," his voice was loud enough to draw your awareness to him, licking your fluids from your inner thighs. "You drive me crazy, you know. Your body, it turns me on so much."

"Mmmm, hmmmm, r-really?" Even though Ushijima is sucking on your most delicate areas, you're able to carry on with the conversation.

"Really. Actually, I've been turned on throughout the entire pregnancy. Something about making you big and swole with a baby — the thought about it makes me go wild." He finally removes himself from your cunt, licking remnants of your fluids from his lips. He then takes off his tee, his well-built physique for your eyes to ogle.

Hooded olive eyes stare at you as he undoes the drawstring of his sweatpants, bringing them down to reveal his erection. The image of his cock springing has your sweat run to deep ice cold. You know where this is going, and you can't tell if the pulses of your chasm are out of fear or mutual excitement. "Toshi—"

"Hey, Y/n, I've been thinking" he brings you close to him, your legs spread for him. He then aligns his dick to your wet cunt, using your slick to lubricate the tip of his length before pushing it between your folds. You have to bring a hand up to conceal the mewls. "Maybe we should have another baby. Let's try a girl this time." His mind clouded with aroused thoughts; you pregnant with his child again, all big and round and swole with his child. The image sends shivers up his since. He gets so fucking turned on by it. But as long as it's you, it's all good. Even now, when the tip is finally inserted with a muffled cry from your covered lips, Ushijima doesn't want to turn back.

"Want them to be cute and beautiful like you..."

[indieyuugure]

Hi! Let me start off by saying that I absolutely adore your ROTP series. This is also one of the very few Rottmnt/2012 crossovers in existance that does justice to both verses and doesn't put a biases on any. I love this comic.

Now that aside, I need to get something off my chest. I wouldn't have gone on Anon but experience has taught me that opposing opinions will make the followers of a blog insult and harass you so I tend to err on the side of caution. You see, I Love Love Love TMNT. And I love 2012 series, it's something I relate to so much and grew up with. It's my most favorite version of TMNT.

But the thing is, ever since the Rise movie got released, I've been seeing nothing but slander against the 2012 series and it breaks my heart every time I come across it. It has escalated to an unfair point that I've seen even 2012 fans who love it just as much begin hating aspects of it. I mean, don't get me wrong, it does have its flaws but it's unfair how highlighted those select few flaws are to the point of extremely biased comparisons and blame games and general 2012 slander which half the time doesn't even comply with canon. Moreover, literally every TMNT has its flaws just the same.

And recently, I've been seeing an increase in posts on your blog that have 2012 slander undercurrents or simply blatant frustrations with it. I love the comic but keep seeing this hatred still is just... it hurts ya know. Like really actually hurts.

So if possible, can you plz tag such posts with something I can filter out? (And let us know what that tag will be?) You don't have to but I really really love your art and comics, it's just the 2012 slander again that hurts me and I don't want to see it anymore. I've been seeing it everywhere.

Again, plz don't take this the wrong way, it's just something that's been hurting me and I had to get it off my chest. And find a solution to it that doesn't involve blocking or unfollowing because I genuinely do love this fancomic

Thank you for your feedback!!💕 (seriously feedback is extremely appreciated to me!)

I sorry my posts came off as 2012 slander, I really never meant it like that. I will admit I do critique media pretty aggressively, but I never mean it in a hateful way. TMNT 2012 is one of my absolute favorite shows and I love everything about! It’s the weird quirky stuff about it that while yes, I will criticize, I still love. It wouldn’t be the same without it. Just like the weather, I will complain about it, but I don’t want it to actually change.

I will try to be more conscious of how my posts are perceived, I really never wanted there to be a bias on my blog. I love all of TMNT for all it presents, and I don’t want to ever be slanderous!

Thank you again for your kind nudge! I’m very thankful to have people like you who’ll tell me if I’m making a mistake! I truly do love TMNT 2012. I can’t fix what I’ve said, but now that I know, I can be sure to be more careful to not sound biased going forward.

Again, I’m very sorry it came off that way, I didn’t mean to be so harsh. I never want to harm a series’s reputation, especially one that I love so much!

You are truly appreciated!💕

I know this won’t fix the things I’ve said, but I’ll say 3 of my top favorite things about 2012:

I love the way they depicted characters! They do an amazing job using indirect characterization that makes the characters feel so real. The characters don’t have to tell you things about themselves, you learn about them from the way the interact with each other, the way they solve problems, the things they like and dislike, and even what they’re doing in the background! It really feels like you’re there getting to know these fun people and go on adventures with them! Truly amazing!

I love the way the turtles look! Seriously I think they look so cool, and at the same time cute. They’re visual designs inspired me so much in my art and I will watch hours on end of them because they’re just so freaking cool!

I love the way their stories are told! The episodes are so well paced that it never feels boring to watch an episode! Believe it or not, I have never once wondered how many minutes are left on an episode. It’s so good at sucking you in and addicting you, that while I was watching it for the first time, I was straight up binging it and would be forced to put it down by my parents. Several times I would stop to eat something and have that weird “wait, who am I? What is my life?” Thing you get from a really good story. The stories and arc pacing are so good that Indie TMNT, my original series is using massive inspiration from 2012.

Once again, I am truly sorry for coming off as slanderous. Thank you for being so brave and telling me what many people were probably thinking. I want to do better. Thank you! :]

[vashti-lives]

So like, I have a lot of complicated feelings about the whole discourse around comments and how people comment so much less than they used to but one thing I think people my age have forgotten and younger people have no idea about is that in the era of LJ and the height of ff.net there were A LOT more negative comments than there are today, at least as far as I can see.

For one thing, in the mid 2000s really fucking mean negative comments were so common there was a term for them "flames" and people would regularly mention them in the authors notes of their fics. "No flames or I will delete this story" "flames will be used to roast marshmallows and which Inuyasha and I will eat while laughing at you" "this story contains SLASH! that means boykissing!!! DON'T LIKE DON'T READ! NO FLAMES!!!!!!" etc. You get the picture. It was a different time don't judge. This happened more on ff.net than it did on LJ but it definitely also still happened on LJ.

If you've ever looked into the whole Ms. Scribe thing and puzzled over why anyone believed her, this is why. She was making shit up for fame and attention but lots of authors experienced similar harassment that was actually real. I know people like to be like ~in my day people knew how to use the back button~ but let's be real. Some people weren't using the back button they were going into the comment section to be homophobic and explain all about how you'd burn in hell one day.

I'm not saying nobody gets mean comments anymore but the fact that we don't have a special word for it now and people aren't constantly talking about it in their author notes strongly suggests it's less of an issue.

Even aside from that in 2024 we have commenting etiquette that just, didn't exist in 2004. Its commonly understood now that offering unasked for critique is bad but like, that didn't come out of nowhere. "Are people allowed to send critique to the author of any fic they read?" was an absolutely HUGE fandom fight that got hashed out again and again for years before finally settling on, "mmm let's not." In 2004 this was not a settled debate and imo leaving unasked for critique was much more common, and in fact people who were coming from closed forums and things like yahoo groups felt it was *good* etiquette to always leave critique because that's how it was done in their much smaller communities, which were often more focused on improving specific skills.

If it is true that people leave fewer comments now* we might be experiencing the reality that you can't have your cake and eat it too. The more rules we have about what kind of comments you can and can't make the more people at the fringes are going to decide its safer to just not comment because what if they do the wrong thing and make someone mad? Several years ago my dash was just awash with artists begging people to reblog their art and also awash with artists complaining about the tags people left on the art they were reblogging, it was extremely clear to me that this was a choose one situation. EITHER your art gets reblogged a lot and sometimes people say dumb shit or you shield yourself from bad tags and get a lot fewer reblogs.

There are a number of posts going around right now about how don't you know authors can SEE the comments you leave on bookmarks!! And I've often thought that the end result of this campaign is going to be even less engagement than people are already getting. It's not going to result in nicer comments in the bookmarks its only going to result in less bookmarks.

TBH I actually think getting less negativity in your inbox might be worth fewer comments? Like, I'm not sure fandom made the wrong choice here but I do think continuing to police the kinds of comments people leave is going to continue this cycle so if you really really want your readers to engage with your fic you are going to have to accept that some of those comments will be shit like "UPDATE PLZ" or whatever. I don't think there's a way to get less of the bad comments without getting fewer comments period.

*In addition to everything I've written above there is a part of me that thinks the biggest problem is just that AO3 has a hit counter and LJ didn't and so when people were primarily using LJ they just didn't know how many people read their work without ever interacting. Combine that with the fact that everyone is functionally writing for much smaller fandoms because there aren't mega fandoms like there used to be and you get authors who feel like they're getting less engagement without actually meaningfully getting less engagement, because their OFMD fic isn't getting the number of comments that their 2010s era SGA fic got. Even when they understand OFMD is tiny compared to SGA they don't have the hit counter for their SGA fic to see just how many lurkers there were. the ratio might actually not have been as far off as you think!

[doqteqs]

May I please ask you two questions 1) Why would a one-world government be bad for humanity? Maybe it would not be an actual one-world government in an apparent way - local decisions will still be made, just overseen by some kind of a shadowy global entity.

I can't find a good critique of that, it's always either something based on emotion or something communist. Isn't that something humanity is converging to one way or another anyway? Or is it converging to something completely different? Or is humanity not converging to anything at all? 2) Would it be bad for the improvment / evolution of humanity to never have wars again?

Raaah how dare you ask questions in my ask box

The very obvious and correct critique is, what if it goes tyrannical/mismanaged/corrupt? No one to offer alternatives, nowhere to escape collapse. Look around - who/what do you trust to do this well? Washington, Moscow, Beijing? ChatGPT? You need to solve political philosophy first. I'm a little baffled that you seem to have taken that part of the problem for granted? NRx has tentative answers, which I like - see Nick Land Xenosystems short essay "Rules". Also plz read Moldbug open letter, much longer, for most plausible affirmative solution I've found so far. (Scaled management hierarchies, local to macro, always prevail, with or without world domination. Why "shadowy"? Wat u mean...?)

Yes, almost without a doubt, unless you did solve political philosophy to the degree that no convincing disagreement in management structure could ever be practiced (even theorized?) ("war is the continuation of politics by other means" - so, to make war obsolete...), AND this society had some way to keep up certain salutary selection pressures in lieu of war, like the gladiatorial games from Tron lol, if needed (what those pressures may be is an empirical question, and there are many possible configurations - tell me what kind of "social safety nets" exist, and how widely cast they are, and I'll tell you how much pressure should probably be added and where).

[transgenderer]

can you... expand on that (tlt not being about imperialism)

Elaborate, plz? I'd like to hear more of your tlt opinions

Can you elaborate on the TLT thing with regards of imperialism? I’m not familiar with the series, but I don’t care about spoilers and I want to hear your thoughts on it.

okay so sorry to the third person but i dont want to explain tlt lore so im just gonna assume people know tlt lore. anyway the empire just...doesnt make any sense? which is fine, its not about imperialism. but like, its not clear what exactly the empire is trying to achieve, how its enriching the metropole, etc. its not even clear WHO the empire is fighting? like, we see them occupy territory in NtN but we know that the empire is almost entirely devoted to warfare and yet who that warfare is against is unclear. they move the populations around for like no reason?

i mean, my very loose guess at whats going on is that tLT is actually a critique of extraction-based economic systems (i.e. every economic system since the beginning of time, call me when your premodern society isnt consuming a fixed and irreplaceable quantity of rock), for allegorical magic reasons the biosphere on the nine houses is fucked so theyre almost entirely depend on mining and such, i guess they ran out of material to extract in the solar system (i mean, it is thousands of years later), and so they acquire other planets to mine (plus farm? unclear) them to smithereens (this seems to be described pretty explicitly in NtN), the necromancy means ecological devastation is at megaspeed, the war theyre fighting is over natural resources. obviously itd just be cheaper and easier to extract from uninhabited planets but maybe they need the billionare descendants as like, labor?

so anyway this is bad because 1) "we will run out of resources to extract one day" is, while technically true, kind of a stupid argument imo. like yes obviously eventually, but like, its not modern luxury or whatever that relies on mining, its like...literally bronze age (technically stone age) technology that relies on mining. and a pre bronze age life sucks. and you could make the argument that while yes we could be using it more efficiently, entropy is against us so no matter what you do youll run out *eventually*. so like, then what? you have to make an argument that its running out *soon*, and those are dubious imo, and

2) real life empires were not about extracting natural resources! i mean they were a little. but they mostly werent. the motivations for empire were/are complicated but like, economy is not just "more natural resources good, less natural resources bad", the economy is mostly social and infrastructural wealth, which is complicated to maintain. so again, bad critique of empire.

3) but most importantly, tLT is run by an immortal superpowered godking, and as such the politics in world are totally alien to ours. like, in our world institutions and incentives overwhelm human motives both because humans alone are very weak, theyre only significantly powerful insofar as they can control other humans (or tech), and then also because humans are mortal so institutions outlive them. but tLT doesnt work like that at all, so its capability to be coherent commentary on earth politics is pretty hobbled? which is why it isnt, its a story about its characters, who are complex and whose actions are important on the scale of the characters we know. like yeah jod killed billions but because of the way fiction works this is not the important thing about jod, the important thing is how he treats people we see, which is much more nuanced and complex (alhtough still bad)

uhhhh i had more points. the state of tech in the nine houses is really silly, i know its tied to the resource stuff but it doesnt really make sense anyway. like, tech helps you get more resources. also the nine houses are very short on labor which prioritizes technology. and necromancy doesnt seem to replace technology that well, its pretty limited, esp cuz a single necromancer can only control like, what, ten constructs tops? also the idea of a war-centric economy for thousands of years is really silly. like its just totally infeasible. its fine! the worldbuilding is meant to be evocative and work on first glance, not be a totally functioning system, and it isnt

[arttrampbelle]

Ok huge vent ahead.

Cw:vent

If you dont wanna read vents or hear me being pissed at NRS and some fans. Plz scroll. Plz ignore. Thank you.

Srry your fave being edenian,a lover of that particular part of mk lore. Really don't make you special. In fact it makes you look like a haughty asshole.

Look they are great. Dont get me wrong. But.....acting like they are the best,greatest shit since sliced bread is kinda irritating.

Especially recent iterations of that part of the lore. Urgh .

That was supposed to be a mysterious and not in the forefront of mk. The forefront being the tournament itself.

The realms are a minor background flavor.

And there is more realms than "eDeNia" a small part in outworld (which is huge and made up of other smaller realms btw) and earthrealm.

Plusno offence. Kitana isn't you special uwu princess. She is a warrior and heir to a kingdom first and foremost.

It isn't some dumb western biblical story. That pisses me off. Idgaf what nrs is feeding y'all.

To me i would rather take it more as eastern myths and legends n beliefs of heaven,the nine immortals,mythos,etc

Because im sick of y'all thinking eurocentric shit when it comes to asian cultures. Even fictional based ones.

Like idgaf if edenia isn't based on one group or is fictional. The fact y'all defult to Christian-europian type of religious imagery is disturbing.

Like if we dont get enough implications in canon that edenia was colonized.

Like srsly tho. I'm kinda sick of some peoples stupid hot takes on kitana. Like my girl is asian. Deal with it!!! Mileena is her cloned sister. Also asian.

Sindel? Asian. Shao kahn? Part Dragon AND ASIAN! Maybe Mongolian if you wanna be specific.

Hell even the shokan can be asian cultures based. They are part dragon. No not the "typical" western European dragon. (Sick of people thinking that thats the only kind)

Jade? A beautiful dark skinned Indian woman, WHICH IS ALSO ASIAN BTW!

Skarlet? She is half edenian,so part maybe part asian. Either way. I want edenia to be a hodgepodge of ALL asian cultures and based mythos. Because fuck you,we need more positive asian cultures representations thats why!

Nor is it palatable or likeable in a story. It's 3rd grade lvls of writing to a point where i find better shit on wattpad then in canon. some fans(not all) dont help the matter.

Like they could be done so much better. The characters within that part of mk could be done so much more justice. And make it less nauseatingly and eyerollingly typical.

I wont apologize for being pissed. Because it is a problem. And has always been a problem in mk. 30yrs and they continue to ignore it. Fans and game writers alike.

But like can't edenians be better? Like making them like elves or the "special people" isn't good writing nor is it likable.

It's boring and making them mary sues of mortal kombat isn't helping. Like nothing was corrupt before shao kahn? Bullshit. Yiy know damn well there was. They aint pretty perfect. So stop acting like they were or are. Its not realistic even for a FANTASY world! Like canon and fans alike do not write world buliding very well. I know,i know what you're gonna say. "But thats not the point of mortal kombat,its a fighting game" yes true. But it established lore and a story for years and then took a huge dump on it because $$$. And fans buy into it anyways because they dont actually wanna properly give a critique where it is needed. And if we are gonna actually call out the bullshit,and the bigotry,and the sexism. ACTUALLY CALL IT OUT WHERE IT IS. AND ACTUALLY ADDRESS THE ISSUES. you can still love mk,WHILE ALSO calling out the crap that the company nrs,boon,and the writers pull.

Look not all fans are like this. Most are great. But it grinds my gears when i meet or see a few that miss the fucking point of why 11's "interpretations" of the characters were so assbackwards. And why it pisses long time fans off

[crocheting-cupio]

Okay so now that I can see what everyone's complaining about (because it still hasn't rolled out to me yet) I can give my proper Graphic Designer opinion. Based on looks alone.

It's not the worst thing I've ever seen. I've certainly seen worse UI/UX updates on social media.

The only thing I think is a problem is how cramped it feels around the post feed. There's certainly space to give it some room, especially with the sidebar on the left taking up more space than it needs.

I think the "Create" button is a little redundant. Some sort of indication on the top of the feed that says something like "Select post type" might be more effective at making it more clear to new users that these icons are what you click on to make a post. (I'm assuming that's why they added that button.)

I'm kind of mixed on the sidebar. Personally I prefer the dropdown menus in the top right. That had been the standard for all websites until recently, when companies starting switching to make the web version more like the mobile version for minor and major reasons. But I understand the need to provide new users with something more familiar to them.

Also align the Tumblr logo to the left so it lines up with the text/buttons below plz thx.

Other than that I think it's fine. Just some minor issues.

(Oh and thank you Cas for including a clear image! Very helpful for critiquing. 💖)

[mokutone]

@pax-thuban left these tags on a post:

#well. first of all. this is so. bittersweet #like screaming and crying and throwing up on the floor etc #second of all. maybe i'm looking too much into this but. #it's interesting to see that there's blood splatters on tenzo's face /and/ his mask #if i recall correctly. the mask covers his happuri as well #the implication that tenzo lost his mask during battle. put it back on presumably /still/ in battle. continued killing #idk. just hurts #like something something anbu work forces him to feel more comfortable wearing a mask and conforming to a nameless org and set of ideals#and forgoing individuality #or like. something something maybe he feels worse that his face got 'stained' because it's basically a reminder that 'cat' and 'tenzo' #are one and the same and not two distinct entities no matter how much he wants to separate his identity and his anbu lifestyle #and the fact that the happuri is blank and doesn't have a konoha leaf on it.... he doesn't feel connected to the community even as he kills #for it... #i feel like it's kind of obvious that it's significant that the comic shows tenzo taking off his mask as he shows his weariness/depression #regarding anbu work and then how he thinks about kakashi as a jonin sensei. like representing himself as tenzo the individual rather than#'cat' a faceless tool of konoha in the shadows #i also feel like it's kind of noteworthy that the perspective(? is that what it's called for images?) zooms in on tenzo's face #first panel is mostly black and tenzo's body is off-center(?). like his face is centered but his body's not. and that leaves more room for #the black background. but the second panel fills it up with the kakashi thought bubble and tenzo's body comes into the center to fill up #the bottom half. and then the third panel makes tenzo himself fill up more space. there's less 'darkness' now #not sure how to say it other than. his sole saving grace in anbu at the moment is preserving his self and bond with kakashi ig #i also like how the black background isn't pure black. there's a tinge of red(? idk it could also be orange? but i'm taking it as red) #like one hand. maybe a reference to the whole blood thing. a reflection of how he feels surrounded by that reminder of murder instead #of just it being select patches on his skin #on the other hand (and this might be looking too deep 😔) maybe how allusion to the sharingan. how even though he left root #anbu still feels very similar to it that he feels reminded of how he was watched by danzo? #sorry for rambling. i am in an analysing mood today #but i'm also not that great at analysing visual art lmao

nooo no sorries! this is really useful and EXTREMELY flattering to receive such detailed thoughts, i feel like im back in a School Crit Circle or something, which is really fun and helpful. Critique like this rlly helps me understand what people are bringing to my art when I make it and how it's getting interpreted, which as somebody who wants to tell understandable stories via images, is useful to me beyond what words can describe!

like—there's no "right" or "wrong" when it comes to interpreting art, there is my intention, but my intention isn't necessarily what comes out (like how kishimoto somehow accidentally wrote two teenagers who he meant for us to perceive as straight, in the pains and throes of love for each other. like he wrote that, whether or not he intended to. i dont even actually ship s/n bc it doesn't have The One Ingredient for me, but its...also something thats hard to ignore about the text)

and similarly, since theres no way to objectively read a text, when you read it you're putting it in your own context, finishing the painting yourself with whatever colors you've got in your palette to use

that said! I can answer for my intentions in some of these

The blood and the mask: Practically, you're 100% right! Mask needs to be off to get at the happuri. That he's got blood on both his mask, and his happuri, means that at some point in the battle, he lost his mask and then put it on. In terms of art, I did this because the juxaposition contrast between the blood and the small amount of joy he's taking in thinking about a scarecrow, felt really important, and I didn't want to lose that with the removal of the mask. I also put the blood splatter in the same place, coming in from Tenzō's left, and splattering upward across his forehead area. Practically, this would mean that he was in the same position by a spatter of blood twice, but symbolically this implies that he is or feels like the same with or without the mask—like u talk about them being the same entity. I didn't really do that intentionally though—like I didn't think about it. I just kinda was like "yea that feels right. anyway moving on."

No leaf on the happuri: I AGREE WITH YOU ABT THE SYMBOLISM...he doesnt feel connected to konoha in a Real way until he's co-captaining, I think. He needs to be allowed to LIVE in Konoha to be a part of it... That said, if I'm not drawing Captain Yamato Post-Sunlight-Exposure I straight up forget that he had the leaf at all–I know it's supposed to be a Danzō thing, but I keep thinking it's an anbu thing. Honestly, since I agree with the symbolism, whether or not I forget or make an intentional choice not to depict it really doesn't matter I suppose

The Zoom In: Kind of the same as the last! i felt in my heart that we had to zoom in...I didn't think about it in terms of ''lessening darkness'' although now that I've read you write that I like THAT reading much more—esp since so much of yamato's themes in canon seem to be about sunlight and darkness...there's an interesting reading of darkness lessening (because he takes up more space) without light gaining any footing (he's still, as always, situated in the dark) about like, the little things that one can do to manage their depression or a dark situation, even when they still aren't able to be fully FREE of it quite yet (if ever). I think, when I was thinking abt it, I was thinking about making Tenzō seem very small and alone in the first panel, and then even after thinking about Kakashi, he's not quite so small in the panel, even though he still remains alone. This being said, the darkness reading is much stronger than the loneliness reading, even though they go hand in hand, I much prefer your interpretation.

the red in the black: This is interesting!!!! I like your interpretations a lot...in terms of materials this is only black india ink, so there's no red actually in it, but in the photo I can see what you mean—the ink I'm using is shiny because the "matte" ink is twice the price of it and I'm a cheapskate, and it inevitably creates shines of color when scanned or photographed. Obviously though, the lack of intention or the material contrast doesn't mean you're wrong—I saw the colorful patches in the image and decided it was fine enough to post anyway, they're a piece of the art as it exists digitally! Open for critique and interpretation. I like the idea that the darkness is connected to the blood very much especially, because it is for Tenzō, isn't it?

anyway, ty v much for your analysis, i was incredibly flattered to receive it, and i think you're actually super good at it, in my opinion!

[castelleve]

Actually, piggybacking off of that ask to go a bit more in depth as to what Morstikan people look like (because I think about fictional biology way too much and I’ve already gone a little in depth about their hair texture so!!) and how the Castelleves differ due to their own heritage (demigods + being mixed race) aside from the ‘otherworldy’ traits like scales and super sharp teeth that I’ve already talked about before.

A lot of Morstikan people, around 70%-75%, had epicanthal folds - Henri, for example, actually has very pronounced ones (as does Beau and Pavati), whereas Krisha and Damian don’t have them at all (a trait they get from their biological grandfather on Henri’s side, Edward, who was Feueran. For a real-world equivalent, think Austria, Hungary, Germany, etc.) and the rest of the Castelleves and most Morstikans have only somewhat pronounced epicanthal folds. 

Morstikans typically have green or brown eyes (Krisha has green eyes), however demigods tend to have an unnaturally light blue or yellow eye color. This is where the Castelleves get their ice-like blue eyes, with the exception of Irina who has a deeper, more ocean blue color and passed that on to Damian and Beau. It should be noted, though, that Noemie had yellow eyes when she was alive, as did Pavati’s father/Henri’s grandfather. 

[hungwy]

Back when pivot animation forums were a thing this guy with the username Tengu decided I was his rival and would like, be hyper critical of everything i said or did, and otherwise was less than likable and kind of abrasive anyway. I think it started when I posted an running animation tutorial and he felt it like wasn't good enough or something and just kind of latched onto me.

But anyway there was a group of lightly-powered users called the Rank Team who decided who was beginner, intermediate, and advanced rank (one had to post their animation threads in the right board, of course, and skill was the way it was organized) and he clearly desperately wanted in for the power. The thing is you had to be intermediate rank or above to join, and also rate enough animations in a way other rank team members would notice was fair (and these rates were generally invited critique because anyone who wanted it would just say "rate plz" or put it in the "rate my anim" thread). I not only got put into intermediate before him but was also let on the Rank Team for my fairly frequent and constructive animation critiques (I think I had the most posts on the forum at one point). Anyway I hope that pissed him off lol it felt good

[vvatchword]

ROFL THE DISCOURSE BEGINS

I rub my eensy-teensy fly hands with glee.

So there are four purposes to this essay and why I blazed it. 

First, I wanted to break the toxic feedback loop in our fandom. I want to talk about BioShock Infinite, not treat it as some kind of leper, and by doing so, open up the fandom to more discourse and enjoyable experiences. Right now the fandom feels judgy, prickly, and cold--like you have to walk on eggshells--and that ain’t no way to live.

Second, I wanted to give some ammunition to other people who like the game. You aren’t wrong. It’s a good game. It grapples with heavy shit. I love it for that. It deserves love for that. It’s okay to be called a racist if you’ve critically examined your own behavior and know it not to be true. Talking about racism is how we learn to deal with it and overcome it. (Come over here and talk to me. Become my friend. I want BSI friends. plz)

Third, I kept accidentally running into the insufferable crowd. They’re fucking everywhere. I’d be floating along having a great ol’ time and suddenly BAM some snide commentary. I used my block function responsibly, sure, but they were fucking everywhere, and never where I expected them besides. So I wanted them to do my work for me and remove themselves from my orbit. AND THEY HAVE BEEN. I AM FREEEEE. FOR A MERE $11 YOU TOO CAN REMOVE THE INSUFFERABLE FOREVER. Have any of you tried this it’s the best fucking idea I’ve ever had

Fourth, I wanted to shine a light on this behavior. Because it’s what makes being in fandom the ABSOLUTE FUCKING WORST. This is not my first rodeo: back on Facebook, I had joined a number of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle groups. I noticed early on that they seemed to lean hard toward 1987, the original cartoon, as well as the original live-action films, and that the majority of fans seemed to be old white cis het bros. That didn’t bother me very much--Facebook’s population does skew older and whiter. But eventually I realized that every time any other iteration of TMNT was posted, some asshole would be in the comment section giving the OP shit, and OP would inevitably quietly leave and stop posting. The groups were literally SELF-SELECTING for 1987 and the og live-action films as well as old white cis het bros. Here on Tumblr, we have the exact same dynamic, except it's The Youths (TM). And if you think that it’s okay to make an exclusive environment where you viciously attack other members for attempting to discuss shit that literally requires honest conversation to unpack, you’re a motherfucker.

Anyway. I reblog with this commentary because a recent commenter pointedly mentioned how BioShock Infinite is the Most Racist Game ever and “you are a racist if you don’t see it”, and that this “”“critique””” is “harmful”

Harmful to what? Harmful how? In what concrete manner? Can you list BioShock Infinite’s victims? How did they die or are they still in the hospital? In what condition? What are the social effects of BioShock Infinite? Got any graphs? Show me man, I’m here for it.

Oh, the contortions I’m about to see, my friends in christ. First, I’ll see the argument that racist works endanger minority populations, and that by supporting a racist narrative, you support hurting those populations. Is this true? Absolutely! However, while it is true that racist behaviors start with jokes, suppositions, stereotypes, and the like, they’re also usually uncritical, flat assumptions about how the world works. That’s not what BioShock Infinite was doing. Remember: for this argument to land, you’ll have to prove that BioShock Infinite was uncritically and destructively racist. You cannot skip this point. If you skip this point and fly straight into the above argument I will laugh at you.

Did you really go through BioShock Infinite thinking it supported racist belief systems? It was clearly attempting not to. Does author intent matter? YES! “Death of the author” my ass, you will always understand a piece better if you understand where the author is coming from. Was it presented in that smug, disgusting, centrist white boy way? Also yes, but if it helps, my actual centrist friend (who watched me play the game) was equally disgusted by the Fitzroy and Vox-Populi-violence plot points. Neither make sense by any metric.

In any case, a self-avowed racist would not play that game and go, “Ah yes, this aligns with my worldview.” They’d probably protest that they were being misunderstood. Theeeey would neeeeever tie up a Chineeese maaaan and sic raaaavens on him. Theeeey wooooould neeeever support a gheeeetto. Theeeey juuuust supppoooorrt whiiiiite heeeeritage and hiisssstorrryyy. They might try to roleplay the game in a way that soothed their prejudice, and support Infinite’s false-equivalency message against the Vox Populi. Is that enough to make the game “racist” full-stop, though? The Founders’ violence was fully explored, and it was vile, and it was inexcusable, and it was the fucking truth. I’ve been tempted several times to call it a caricature, but I originated from those circles. You don’t want to know how those people talk in private. Hell, they’re doing it in public now, they’ve just learned how to put on costumes and use dog whistles.

Speaking of false equivalency, the arguers will perform the next number of psychological backflips:

They will ignore all the ways we agree, present points I clearly support (in-text, no less), and then pretend I don’t support them. This way they can misrepresent me to their already allied friends, who don’t have to read what I wrote to form an opinion. Because it’ll hurt to read what I wrote, so they’re not going to want to hear it from me. They will trust those they know. Plus, it’ll be hard to think about what I wrote because they’re so pissed. Ask me how I know lol

They feel hurt and angry and mistake that for reason, they probably don’t know how to separate their feelings from their logic (I mean, fair, neither do I) and this subject is going to trigger a lot of bad feelings besides. They will find reasons to support their feelings with arguments. Our feelings lie to us constantly, friendos. I used to be terrified of gay people for christ’s sakes do you think that made any fucking sense

A number of extremely anal points will be trotted out. I will be blamed for not exploring the entire rainbow of human experience, defining every concept, touching on every possible point, and every single omission will be regarded as a separate sin. Now, I will gladly accept contradictory readings and corrections, but just because my reading doesn’t include every point under the sun, that doesn’t mean it’s nessarily incorrect. An essay--and a piece of art, for that matter--MUST have a narrow framing device by virtue of its nature. I can absolutely talk for hundreds of thousands of words, but nobody wants that, and let’s face it, this is just a form of sea-lioning. As I hope you understand, THIS IS MADNESS.

I will not be given the credit of a doubt. I will have attempted evil from the beginning. I clearly hunger for sinister things. Every -ism and -phobia that can be thought of will be thought of. All humans are evil from the beginning, and how can that exclude me? The only way to remove evil is to curl inward further and further and further, pushing out the outside world. Calvinism sure affects us in the strangest goddamn ways eh

I will go ahead and acknowledge the two elephants in the room since I didn’t speak much on them:

The racist fridging of Daisy Fitzroy.  How it’s racist: For those who don’t know, a common racist trope throughout art has been the POC who, rather than being a fully-formed human being, acts more as a Macguffin or learning experience for a white character. Think Dances with Wolves, think the black guy who runs up to Robinson Crusoe and offers to become his slave, think The Green Mile (hey, if we want to talk about art that is good despite its problematic elements...). Is it wrong? Yes. Indubitably. There you go. May I remove a racist point now How it’s fridging: “fridging” refers to the act of using a character, usually a woman, to spur a main character into action. It’s named for a comic book trope where a girlfriend or wife is murdered to propel a protagonist (named specifically for a story where the aforementioned partner was stuffed in a fridge). What makes it notable is the kind of person chosen for fridging: almost always a woman, almost never an individual in her own right, used as a Macguffin. How it worked: Daisy Fitzroy died so Elizabeth could have character growth and she did it in the most hamfisted dumbfuck way possible.

The attempt to paint the Vox Populi’s violence as somehow equal to the Founders’. It was the Founders who formed an extreme environment that could only be responded to with equally extreme action. Early in drafting this essay, I was tempted to include a small YouTube video above this point; it would have been of a black man sweeping on a dock. When you approach him, he murmurs that you shouldn’t be seen talking to him; that it’s best for both of you if you leave now. I think that sums it up best. If Levine had intended for the Vox Populi to be presented as equally vile, there should have been other creative decisions made to represent them that way. Clearly he meant to make an analogy to current-day left/right fighting, but this absolutely does not land, because if you wouldn’t fight back against a group that can starve you with impunity, I mean...

All this ends up coming back to one point: censorship in the name of the invisible minority, which is the left’s version of “think of the children.” It’s the idea that there are some ideas that are too terrible to face. Such people believe it’s dangerous to attempt explicating such arguments because you might do it wrong, so let’s not do it at all. It produces art with no edges and Puritans, and both of these may go straight to Hell. 

I’m here to tell you, friends. I know being called a racist hurts. Nobody wants that. Nobody wants to hurt anyone else or be perceived as hurting someone else. But you don’t have to worry about these people as long as you always critically question yourself--accepting that you might be wrong--and try to be good to others, which includes listening to them and their experiences, especially if those experiences are outside your wheelhouse. 

Let go of the weight. Yeah, it sucks to do something racist or sexist or homophobic, especially if you didn’t mean to, especially if it’s something you did in your past that can never be undone. It really does. But you’ve got to be able to acknowledge when you’ve fucked up, because you WILL fuck up. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It just means you’re a person and you’re still learning. You’re only a bad person if you double-down on bad behavior. Apologize, ask for clarification, learn from it, move on. You don’t have to perform self-flagellation. Self-flagellation helps no one and turns into (sigh) moral performatism. Yeah, you might lose good relationships by fucking up. That’s what you’ve earned. Everything dies. You will cross lines you can never uncross. That’s just life. Apologize. Ask for clarification or research the subject. Learn from it. Move on.

The criticism you’re going to see come up again and again in response to my essay is that ideas are going to fucking hurt you. That there’s thought crime. There are things we can’t talk about unless they’re talked about perfectly and in such a way that they please everyone in the room. First of all, have you ever tried to please a room full of people? You won’t. Second of all, we must be able to discuss these things frankly to see any kind of improvement in the subjects that truly matter. Third, if you only attempt to create art that’s perfect, you will never create art at all--or worse, you’ll end up with the artistic equivalent of drywall paste: perfect worlds with perfect people and no difficult subjects to drive tension or active questions. A perfect, unthinking, pure white wall, meaningless, uncritical, uninteresting. I nearly starved to death considering that wall. Don’t you do it too.

Think what this does to artists--the horrible crushing weight of feeling that if you tackle a theme incorrectly, you will be expelled from the known universe and sent to fucking hell, FOREVER. In my opinion, that’s far worse than accidentally racist fiction. Why? Because it steals our ability to converse about the subject, and we HAVE to be able to discuss it to understand it. Otherwise it becomes a mysterious, frightening thing far larger than it has any right to be. We have to give people room to make mistakes. And when they make an effort in good faith, they should be recognized for that. Reward the behavior you want to see.

I love the idea that a fucked-up piece of art is enough to destroy us. Well, if it is, then maybe we deserve to be destroyed. We are a bunch of dumb motherfuckers, aren’t we? That’s how we’re going to go out. Somebody’s gonna light a copy of BioShock Infinite in the center of the United States and set off the Yellowstone Supervolcano.

Heeeeyyy, I think I had an idea for a scientific experiment lol. Better go buy a plane ticket.

In Defense of BioShock Infinite

Although I had preordered BioShock Infinite with all its bells and whistles, I did not actually play it until January 2023. And lordy, I had me another Experience with a capital E. How the hell a bunch of urban Yanks could capture my experience as a queer democratic-socialist atheist struggling with her roots as a rural evangelical-cum-fascist is kinda magical, honestly. As to the game itself, it didn’t hurt how good it looked—the kickass skyhook gun battles—that novel setting—the complex characters—that delicious historical setting—that bloodthirsty critique of America—and to top it all off, they had pulled yet another Cassandra. Hell, speaking of which—not only was the game fun, it was fucking smart. It was intelligent, memorable, and meaningful in a way I hadn’t experienced in video games for years.

Now, back in 2013, when I had realized that I would be spoiled for Infinite, I left the BioShock fandom. After completing the game, I headed to Tumblr to re-engage, wagging my whole body like an excitable golden retriever, only to discover that BioShock Infinite was remarkably absent, and when mentioned, brutally derided. 

“I hate BioShock Infinite and all my friends do, too,” someone said in the tags under a post. 

I was utterly befuddled and deeply sad. I wanted to talk about BioShock Infinite! I wanted to dig into it, uncover unexpected ideas, learn new things, talk shit, make new friends—the full fandom experience. And instead I kept stumbling into hateful diatribes and super-charged disgust.

Obviously, I first looked at myself and my own judgment. Had I missed some obvious problem or misread some theme or dialogue? This wouldn’t be the first time I’d snapped down on a hook. But the more I thought about it, the angrier I got.

Keep reading

[ur-resident-golden-cherri]

Wakanda Forever

…………………. Major spoiler alerts in this one dnr

⚠️dni spoiler Wakanda forever⚠️

⚠️⚠️SPOILER ALERT DONT READ!!!!!!! ⚠️⚠️

I just came out of watching Wakanda forever and I don’t know where to start with this movie. It’s so well written with all the characters having deep human flaws, the portrayal of grief and the stages of growth for each character was just pure gold.

Shuri’s personal growth and her sudden and rapid change into maturity was incredibly well done. She experiences the death of multiple family members and she eventually gets consumed by rage and vengeance, (shown when she sees N’Jdaka in the ancestral plane) and wanting to burn the world down. Her grief is so tangible and her hurt is so powerful bc she lost the very anchor to her emotions. Once Queen Ramonda dies, Shuri states her heart is buried with her mother, showing a well done parallel to Namors name, the child without love. Shuri also rapidly matured bc of the constant trauma and the forced ascension to the throne, causing her to see Namor in a new light and recognize the damage that colonizing countries want to inflict on the two empires of land and sea. It was all a grab for resources and the usage of manipulative tactics of pitting one minority group against the other to gain power thru extortion. Shuri and Namor were both ready to burn it to the ground, but chose to save and heal their traumas and keep their people safe. Ugh I love this too much I’m never gonna get over it!!!! Eeeeeeee :’’DD

Namor is also an incredible character. He represents the more melanated Meso-American kings and empires that colonization has erased and lost. It also brings a sense of dignity back to Indigenous culture and history, since Namor’s uses two names, one in the mother tongue, the translation being the Feathered Serpent God, (Ku’kulkan). This name he used in familiarity with his people, with his allies. His other name, “Namor” was cursed upon him by a Spanish priest who forced his mother out of her home. Names hold a lot of power in Indigenous and Black communities; it’s a reminder of the past, who you were, and provided a kind of identification within those communities. It’s crucial to understand that when Namor have the choice to Shuri and Ramonda to use either name, it was almost as if he was testing their resolve and who they were. Choose wisely bc one is for my enemies and one is for my allies. He also oozes confidence and strength, which isn’t something that men of color can’t often do without it being critiqued or considered arrogant. Same thing with women of color, particularly Black and Indigenous women. It’s such a great choice for him to be such a beautiful character (both physically and written), and I would watch this again and again <3

if you want me to do more analysis on this- plz let me know or request scenes and stuff…. Idk how it works but ask and I will do my best to answer! :)

Thank you!! :DD

[mcheang]

Exclusive

Edna Mode was a renowned designer, famed for her harsh but accurate critiques, her fierce and practical lines, and of course, being the designer of the majority of superheroes.

And now she was hosting a fashionista gala, inviting those worthy of a Mode gala. As for those asking for an invite, Edna just asks who they are and calls security.

Lila, as the self-proclaimed BFF of Ladybug, and Gabriel’s muse, had already boasted of receiving the glamorous invitation. It didn’t just come in an envelope, it came out of the sky in a rosewood chest, accompanied by a bottle of wine and canapés. (Or so she says. Adrien and Marinette rolled their eyes. Chloé wasn’t paying attention)

Alya: Girl, I’m so jealous. But hey, maybe this will be a good thing. After all, Adrien is going with Kagami. Chloe will just stick with her mom. That means it’s a chance for you and Marinette to know each other better.

Oh yeah, did I mention that everyone knows Marinette is MDC?

Lila forced a grin but didn’t want to make any promises.

Imagine Lila’s rage to know she wasn’t given an invite because she was just a model. Adrien was the heir to a fashion company. She was not.

With all the bragging Lila did, she can’t back out or Chloe and Marinette will call out her absence. (Chloé learned about Lila being a guest from Sabrina later from gossiping)

So, she stole Marinette’s invitation. She did some editing and made her own customised invite, brandishing it for her class to see.

Marinette saw her invitation missing, rolled her eyes and reported the theft to Edna. Plz, everyone knows Edna invited her. She didn’t really need a piece of expensive paper.

The day of the gala arrived, and Lila brought out her invite.

The guard looked at his clipboard. “You’re not on the list.”

Lila: No, but I do have an invite. Obviously someone must have made a mistake with your list.

The guard snorted. “If that’s the case, then your fingerprints and eye scans should have already been registered. That’s what opens the doors.“

Lila gulped and thought about sneaking in with the next guest. But no such luck. Security made sure one person entered at a time.

As the security guard moved to push Lila back into the crowd of fans, Lila cried out that she knows Ladybug and Gabriel.

Guard: what’s your point?

Lila: You’ll be fired for this!

Guard: Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard this all before.

Another guard just scoffed. “You’re only a model. One of many in the industry. Miss Mode doesn’t care for models.”

Lila: what are models if not the face of fashion?

“Spoiled, stupid little stick figures with poofy lips who think only of themselves” Edna herself was at the entrance, wondering what was causing the disruption in her guest entrance flow.

Lila: How can you say that? Then why would Ladybug be my Best Friend?

Edna: the day Ladybug says she is your Best Friend is the day I wear crocs. And I don’t mean crocodile leather.

Edna points at a random guard. “You, get this so-called model out of the way. She is blocking the queue.

Oh by the way, Edna calling out Lila was caught on camera by the reporters.

One of them questioned why she was kicking out Gabriel’s muse when his son, a supermodel himself, was invited.

Edna: I did not invite the boy because of his face. I invited him because I saw potential (basically she realized he was Chat Noir. She would never invite Adrien otherwise. As seen from her quote, she doesn’t have a high opinion of models) That is, if he ever gets out of his father’s shadow. Because, let’s face it darling, what can Adrien do besides look pretty and play with swords and piano? You would think the boy would be in part of business meetings, but no. At this rate, Gabriel needs this gala to get out of that stuffy house. Realize that maybe his parenting methods are flawed compared to some other talented figures here. Look at Miss Kagami, focused on upholding her family legacy of fencing. MDC already knows how to run her own business after learning a bit from her parents. Even Audrey’s daughter has been joining in on becoming a fashion critic and throwing parties for political parties. But I must go, my guests await.

Back inside the party, guests were avoiding a seething Gabriel’s eyes. He had come to scout out the superhero guests, only to be called out by Edna on live tv.

Marinette went up to Edna and asked one of her fashion idols why she burned the Agrestes in public.

Edna: do you think Gabriel would change his parenting ways if we did not expose them to the influential figures of this industry, as well as the public eye? I guarantee you Adrien will be allowed more freedom of choice, lest Gabriel wants his son to be known as a coddled boy who can’t even make his own decisions.

Edna didn’t bother softening her sharp voice as she says these words.

Adrien flushed.

Quickly changing the subject, Marinette asked why Edna hated models.

Edna: it’s not that I hate them personally. I just hate their jobs and what they represent. Models nowadays are beautiful only according to the world standards. People who see them want to be like them, never mind that the models they see on the screen are airbrushed to unrealistic and impossible perfection. Now models focus only on their own appearance, trying to maintain their beauty as time ages them. They go on diets and become superficial. Whereas outside the modelling industry or such like, you don’t need to be stereotypically beautiful to be worthy. Where your worth is measured in kindness and bravery and talent and intelligence and anything beyond superficiality.

Adrien overheard and he frowned, not liking the idea where his appearance on ads is not exactly right. He only joined the company to make his father happy. But maybe it’s time he stepped into the business side of things and exit the modelling world. Bonus: no more Lila!

Edna snorted, “Though I must admit Gabriel surprised me with his newest model. Her attitude is lousy but she doesn’t strike me as a model. She just doesn’t have that model walk. But enough about the old man, my dear MDC, let’s talk about you. I love your gender-neutral line. And was wondering if you would like to join me in creating my next line of clothes for the Incredibles. A rare opportunity but I like style. Now take this offer before I change my mind.”

Marinette: wait, do I have to fly over or-

Edna: you are too excited, darling, but don’t worry, my assistants will send you the details.

Why are the Incredibles getting a new look? The kids are growing up and Edna wanted to move on to new styles.

As Marinette was flabbergasted, Audrey congratulated her for landing the job. Kagami and Adrien also beamed at her good fortune.

Even the Incredibles admitted they looked forward to working with her. Violet was a big fan.

Gabriel was seething and thought about akumatizing himself but come on, one villain against a room of superheroes? No thanks.

Drinking a glass of wine, he eventually admits that Edna had a point, however loudly and rudely it had been announced.

He would not be around forever and he wanted to leave the company in Adrien’s hands. In order for that to happen, his son needs to know business (if he can’t design, he can hire designers)

And yes, Lila was a lousy model. She survived by shooting with professional models who managed to overpower her mediocre work. But a deal was a deal. Besides, her contract was only for a year.

After the gala, Adrien happily quit modelling (aka Lila) to spend more time with his father, learning about how to run a company.

Marinette and Edna proudly claimed credit for the fashionable Incredibles.

Violet also became the talk of the school for her MDC exclusives.

Lila had been humiliated on air. Alya hesitated but finally did her research. At the end, she collapsed over the ruined credibility of her blog. But she can still get revenge by informing the principal, Ms Bustier and Mrs Rossi what Lila lied about. The perks of being a class vice president for a busy class president is that she also has the contacts list for emergencies.

Considering how Lila framed Marinette, there would be no suspension or detention. Only expulsion. Good luck finding a new school when Edna’s gala was a global topic.

When Lila returned to school for her last week (it takes time to gather evidence and get the attention of busy adults), nobody wanted to talk to her or even exchange glances. She quietly kept to herself, hoping for this to blow over soon. She was still a model working for Gabriel. She could befriend other supermodels (as if. Like they would want to befriend her after Edna called her out)

Hell, even her jobs were down. Gabriel just told her to take test shoots to fill up her portfolio until the hype died down (aka her contract expired)

When Lila was expelled, she was ready to be akumatized into Chameleon again. Except one problem. Everyone avoided her like hell so how could she kiss her target. Even Adrien was told to stay away lest his reputation be tarnished.

Ok, I admit it. I was hit by “I’m no Angel” quotes as I wrote this. But seriously, does anyone feel weird at the idea of trying to become thinner when your weight is just right, all the while you know there are people out there even thinner than you are and are starving, not because they want to be stereotypically thin, but because they cannot afford food?

[cheolbooluvr]

the secret garden

part of the confession series

pairing: wonwoo x gn!reader

genre: fluff, college!au

word count: 2.4k (these are no longer drabbles LMFAO)

warnings: none

a/n: lowkey am sorry for making wonwoo a bookworm bc i know that's so common, but i tried to add a bit more to it? idk, regardless, i hope you enjoy this and plz leave feedback if you'd like! always appreciated, thanks for reading <3

my masterlist ＼ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ／

｡☆✼★ ━━━━━━━━━━━━ ★✼☆｡

“I feel like I’m going to tell [them] directly and honestly”

Wonwoo kind of hated you. Not you, but just how oblivious you could be sometimes, if not most of the time. It had been over a year since the two of you met in your advanced literature seminar and you were drawn to the way Wonwoo described the world around him. He could make even the most mundane of things into a beautiful string of words that flowed effortlessly one after the other. He had a special charm for making people fall in love with the little things in life, and it was especially hard for people not to fall in love with him.

But this wasn’t about him, this was about you and how you made him feel. You had approached him by the school garden after class one day asking if he had free time and wanted to talk about one of your assignments. He was already feeling pretty shy from the slew of compliments you gave him during the critique in class earlier, but he gladly accepted your invitation. Neither of you expected to spend the rest of your afternoon into the early evening talking about your favorite books and poets. By the time both of you had to head back to your dorms, you had exchanged numbers and it was him who suggested you “do this more often.” It would be a lie to say that he didn’t give you butterflies, but given everything you had heard about him not having dated anyone despite his popularity, you figured he just wasn’t interested in pursuing relationships.

And it was true, he wasn’t interested in anyone. At least not until he met you. Throughout your friendship, however, he found it incredibly easy to talk to you and open up about things he hadn’t even told his friends prior to you. You spent your days in bookstores reading and trying to find the best and worst stories. It was nice that you could just exist together in the same space, but somehow that filled a void in his heart he never knew existed, and you could easily say the same. At some point, he decided to start dropping hints. The works he recommended you were all about falling in love, talking about the sweet yet mortifying feeling of holding those feelings, yet you just thought he was a hopeless romantic. It was strongly engraved in your brain that Wonwoo simply wasn’t interested in dating and you had pushed any thoughts like that to the back of your mind for a long time.

But every once in a while, you wondered what it would be like if the two of you could be something more. Would you even be compatible? Did he even like you that way? You would shake those thoughts away as soon as they came to you, but recently, those thoughts became harder to fight off the more you spent time with him.

In the days leading up to your birthday, Wonwoo told you he had a surprise planned. This made you nervous because if you were being honest, as close as you two were, sometimes it was hard to read him. He wasn’t nearly open as the books you two often read. It could either go horribly or really well knowing him, but you didn’t have much of a say in the matter. “Just trust me,” he told you when you tried to pry for details. You took a sip of your iced mango green tea as he continued to read his book, a smirk forming on his lips. It made you hate how mischievous he could be sometimes, but there was nothing you could do to really change that, and maybe you liked it. Maybe you loved it. Maybe you loved him.

Your birthday fortunately fell on a Saturday, and being blessed to be a late spring baby, it was warm out. So far, the odds fell in your favor, but that didn’t do much to quell the nervousness building in your stomach. The night before, Wonwoo told you that you’d be going on a scavenger hunt and that was it. He also told you to dress kind of nice, but not too nice. Your phone dinged as you got ready to leave. Are you ready for your first hint? the text read. You replied yes, and he sent you a picture of camellias. You instantly knew where this was and you headed out from your dorm.

When you arrived at the school garden, you took a selfie to show him that you had arrived. When he saw your picture on his phone, his heart skipped a beat and he suddenly grew nervous as he waited for you to find him. Your next hint goes like this: A necessity to some, a treasure to many, I’m best enjoyed among pleasant company. Some like me hot, some like me cold. Some prefer mild, some like me bold. What am I?

It took you a minute before you figured out that he was referring to coffee, and if it was about coffee, then the next place he wanted you to go was to the cafe you two frequented. You took a selfie again, but this time, he told you to go inside and talk to Seokmin, the barista turned friend after he saw you two almost every day.

When you walked in, he greeted you with his signature grin. “Happy birthday!”

“Thank you!” you replied with a warm smile. You weren’t sure what Wonwoo wanted you to say to Seokmin, but you figured you might as well order “Can I get—”

“An iced mango green tea and an iced americano?” Seokmin grinned even wider. Despite that being what you and Wonwoo usually ordered, it still surprised you. “I got you covered,” he added, making sure to wink at you, too. He pulled the two drinks from behind the counter and pushed in your direction.

“Thanks, Seokmin,” you said, taking the drinks. You moved to pull out your wallet, but he reached over the counter and touched your arm gently.

“I told you, I got you covered,” he laughed.

“Are you sure?”

“Would it make you feel better if I told you Wonwoo actually already ordered and paid?” You felt your cheeks warm up, hoping he wouldn’t notice you blush at the mention of Wonwoo’s name. “Happy birthday again! Have fun on the rest of the scavenger hunt!”

You thanked him one more time and left. While you were talking to Seokmin, Wonwoo had already texted you your third hint. You set the drinks down on the table outside and read his message: What building on campus has the most stories? Your initial thought was the business building, so you made your way there. When you sent Wonwoo your selfie, he responded with a short and swift, nope. You sent him another selfie where you frowned and threatened to dump his drink in the planter next to you. He let out a low chuckle and told you to think about it some more.

“The most stories… most stories…” you mumbled to yourself. It then dawned on you that Wonwoo would never be so obvious as to ask you to find the building with the most floors, but the most stories. As in books. Because that was your common link. You almost sprinted at the rate you were going towards the library. When you arrived, you sent him yet another selfie and all he sent you was “😁👍.” He was probably inside at one of the tables, or so you thought. Except for a couple of students, the library was relatively empty and Wonwoo was nowhere to be seen. You wandered the aisles, hoping maybe he would have his head buried in a book as per usual. As you peeked in each aisle, he wasn’t there. “Wonwoo,” you whispered. No response. So, you texted him, where r u???

He responded, Fiction,G-I, so you headed to the fiction section where the G-I authors were. Your phone pinged with another message from him. PZ7 B934 Se 1962, the text read. You knew that was the number of a book, so you began to peruse the numerous spines to find the book he gave you. Finally, your finger landed on the exact one and you read the title, The Secret Garden. You quietly laughed to yourself at how clever he was. You put the book back, and in your excitement, you forgot to text him. Because of this, he thought it was taking you a while to find the book and he wondered if you couldn’t find it, or maybe someone had coincidentally checked the book out before you came. But that couldn’t be it, because he made sure to check it was there before you started your hunt.

“Found you!” you said, startling him. You laughed at how cute he was when he was caught off guard. He was wearing a simple beige button-down tee with khakis, and though the outfit was simple, you couldn’t help but admire how good he looked. The shirt fit his broad shoulders perfectly and wrapped around his now buff arms. He had been working out a lot recently, and it definitely showed.

“I was beginning to think something went wrong,” he laughed back, pushing his wireframes up his nose.

“What’s all this?” you asked, pointing to the table in the middle of the library garden. It was nicknamed the “Secret Garden” because it was tucked away just behind the library and students seldom found it. However, you and Wonwoo happened to stumble upon it one day when you couldn’t find a place to study in the library. Since then, you would come out here to study or read when the weather permitted. Because it was spring, the fruit trees were just beginning to blossom which were beautiful to look at, but your allergies hated it. You sneezed and a concerned look overcame Wonwoo’s face, but he chucked when you muttered, “Damn allergies.”

“Happy birthday,” he said, his face lighting up as he motioned to the table behind him. He grabbed his drink from you and led you to sit down. On the table were a couple of scones, muffins and sandwiches. “I wasn’t really sure what you liked, so I guessed.”

Whatever feelings you had tried to suppress before had risen to the surface of your heart. After all, how could you not maybe feel a little something after your friend went through all of this just for you?

The two of you began eating, but the longer he waited, the longer Wonwoo grew anxious. “So,” he began. You were in the middle of biting into a blueberry scone when you looked up at him. “Did you get the hints?”

“Well, duh,” you replied with your mouth full. He couldn’t help but laugh and be thankful at how comfortable you could be around him. “I made it here, didn’t I?”

“But you didn’t get my hints, did you?” he pressed further.

“I clearly did, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.” You were beginning to feel a little annoyed, thinking he was questioning your intelligence.

“No, not those hints.”

Now you were confused and your expression showed that. “What do you mean?”

Wonwoo took a deep breath in and a deep breath out, rocking back and forth as he wiped his clammy palms on his pant legs. “I figured as much,” he mumbled. “I guess I have to be more direct.”

“Direct? Direct about what?” It took a moment, but those suppressed feelings you had were at a raging boil now, and a million thoughts ran through your head. There was no way this was happening. Right?

“I have feelings for you,” he said calmly. “I’ve had feelings for you for a while, actually.” His sudden confession left you speechless as you nearly choked on your scone.

“Wonwoo…what—”

“Wait, let me finish before you say anything. I want to make sure I say everything I want to say before I forget.” You nodded, but your head began to spin as you tried to process his words. “Those hints I gave you today, they’re more than just hints. Each of those places were places where I fell for you. The school garden was where you first approached me and asked me to hang out.” It was then that you realized just how thoughtful and observant he was, and though he didn’t ever say much, Wonwoo was a man of many words. “Then there was the cafe where you and I would hang out almost everyday. It was there that I realized just how easy it was to talk to you and how much I enjoyed your company.”

The more he went on, the more you felt your chest tighten. You realized that you had forgotten to breathe at times, and so you tried to conspicuously maintain your breathing before you passed out.

He continued, “And finally, the Secret Garden. There wasn’t anything specific that you did here, but there was a day when we were just reading and I realized that I might be in love with you.” He paused, looking to you for some kind of reaction, but all your face showed was shock. He recalled that day when he glanced up from his book and you were nose deep in your own book. The sunlight hit you perfectly, outlining the edge of your face and engraving that image forever in his brain. “I know that this is probably a lot, but I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I had to be honest to you and to myself.”

Silence fell upon you. All that could be heard was the rustling of the wind through the trees and chirping birds. You two sat there as you tried to formulate the words to tell him how you felt. As time went on, Wonwoo worried that maybe he had just ruined a perfectly fine friendship, and that there was no way he could walk this back. But like he had told you, he had to be honest. The longer he kept it in, the worse he felt.

“Look,” he interrupted the silence. “I don’t want you to feel pressured to feel the same way or even have an answer for me right now. I just needed to get this off my—”

You stood up and leaned over the table, grabbing him by the collar. You pulled him in close before landing your lips on his. Pulling away, you leaned your forehead and grinned widely. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this.”

[comfyswitcherblanketfort]

Since you asked 'It will come back' by our Hozi boi (i feel like this is a creature Jask vine hardcore)

Y’all plz listen to this song if you haven't heard it its so fucking good and i fux with it hard. I see your creature Jask and raise you canon Geralt. 

As a fellow touch starved idiot like Geralt I just couldn’t resist. This got LONG, much longer than I thought and I have lost all objectivity. I hope you like it! 😂

Warnings: Hella self loathing, mainly just big time moodiness, we got swearing as always in my fics lol

__________

Geralt couldn’t say he was surprised when the bard fell into the seat across from him in Posada, annoyed but not surprised. With his pristine clothes and expensive shoes he looked like a noble’s son on a rebellious streak or a mission to ‘find himself’, so it was part of the script for him to approach Geralt. He was different, dangerous, a new shiny toy that would be cast aside rather quickly. 

But he stayed. Not only did he stay, but he was also kind and jovial, even protective at times. Geralt was surprised by this, of course, but it was clear the young man wasn’t aware what he said had any effect on the witcher. Jaskier must not have been taught, Geralt concluded, that witchers were abominations. The bard couldn’t know his small smiles and stupid jokes were wrapping the witcher around his little finger. He didn’t understand what he was doing, surely.

Geralt began insisting on roughing it more often. There was a week, about four months in, where he thought Jaskier had finally had enough of him. Good, he’d thought, he can leave before he becomes a weakness. But he had been careful not to put into words ‘before he becomes my weakness.’ 

When Jaskier stormed off into the woods and came back a few minutes later with an angry gleam in his eyes but forgiveness on his tongue Geralt was stunned. 

When those eyes softened in… pity? sadness? understanding? Geralt was terrified. In that moment he was sure he would rather endure another round of trials than lose this stupid little human. 

So he did the only thing he knew how. He withdrew and drew a wide circle around himself that he did his best to keep the bard out of. He snapped at him, critiqued his songs, drove him near the breaking point of human exhaustion, but this human wouldn’t leave. And his persistence wore him down occasionally. 

There were nights he leaned into Jaskier’s warmth. When he was too tired to fight and the bard’s words were sweet as honey they would talk. He told stories from Kaer Morhen that none but his brothers knew, told Jaskier how he got all his scars, told him about his first heartbreak.  It felt too good. Too comfortable. He began to fight it less and less, finding he enjoyed letting go of this particular shield around the bard.

Then Jaskier hugged him, and he hugged back. 

Every bone in Geralt’s body was screaming. His arms were warm and comforting, almost bringing tears to his eyes as Geralt failed to pull away. His body was begging for more, to be held and treated gently, but his mind was in a fog of panic.

Geralt couldn’t let it happen again. 

He wracked his brain trying to think of ways to get Jaskier to leave and stay gone, if not for his own safety then for Geralt’s sanity. He realized with a mix of horror and confusion that he’d become inexplicably attached to Jaskier. 

Geralt felt a bitterness creep in over the next few months. 

There was no way the bard didn’t know the effect he had on him. Geralt was helpless. He couldn’t tell him no, couldn’t sleep without him near, couldn’t think about anything but him when their hands brushed or their knees knocked beneath a table. He wasn’t bitter because of the bard’s hold on him, no, he was bitter because he knew as soon as he gave in and let himself fall into Jaskier like he wanted to he would never be able to climb back to the surface. 

He already noticed how he’d changed. He was more patient, more self-assured, better able to understand the way a husband might lash out over his missing wife. It irked Geralt to admit it, but the bard had chipped away at a small section of his armor and made him soft again; almost vulnerable.

The bitterness turned into a possessiveness he’d never experienced and, frankly, it scared him. Geralt began to miss him when he wasn’t near, felt a kind of desperation when the bard wouldn’t look at him that made him want to pull his hair out. 

Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. They were laying out their bedrolls near the fire and Jaskier winked at him, fucking winked.

“What are you playing at?” he demanded, throwing his bedroll at their pile of packs.

“Oh calm down, you big brute. It was a joke. Or are you too old for those?”

Geralt tried to answer but found he was unable. The torrent of emotions swirling in his chest wanted out and he was choking on them, anchored to the spot. He just stood and stared at Jaskier as he went about his business for a moment longer.

“What, Geralt?”

“You can’t keep doing this to me…” his words barely left his mouth but he regretted them as if he’d shouted from the mountain tops.

Jaskier’s face was unreadable, “What is it that I’m doing to you?”

Geralt grit his teeth and clenched his fists. The problem was he had no idea what the bard was doing to him. 

“If you’re going to leave, or resent me… just go now. I can’t take it. You’re perfectly capable of finding a nice wife to fill your father’s castle once he’s gone. Stop wasting your time on me and… and making me…”

Jaskier stepped closer, a frown creating a new line between his brows, “Making you what, Geralt?” his tone was almost impatient, but there was an edge of something Geralt dare not identify.

The witcher could barely breathe, he just stared into the fire to his right and screwed up his face in shame. He couldn’t say it. He’d probably never be able to say it. 

Then Jaskier’s fingers were trailing down his forearm and gently grasping his ring and pinky fingers as he whispered, “If you need time, take it. I’m not going anywhere.”

Geralt’s chest tightened and he snarled before he could think of stopping himself, “For fuck’s sake, don’t be kind to me.”

Jaskier tilted his head, still not letting go of Geralt’s hand, “Why wouldn’t I be kind to you?”

“Because I don’t know what to do with it!” Geralt felt as if he were tumbling off a cliff even though he was staring at his feet firmly planted on the ground, “If I accept your… your.. Whatever this is and you leave I’ll be broken. Please, for the love of Melitelle, just go so I can breathe. You don’t know what it is you’re offering when you say these things.”

“I don’t want to go anywhere.” Jaskier insisted, not budging an inch. 

Geralt found he wasn’t strong enough to pull his hand from the bards grasp, not even to make an attempt, “You know better than to hold me like this…”

“Clearly I don’t.” Jaskier argued, that edge of frustration in his voice coming back, “Why is this so fucking hard for you? I’ve seen you bed men, tell me it’s not just me that’s so abhorrent to you.”

“You can’t afford to be tied to me like that… and I can’t afford to lose you…” Geralt whispered, doing his best to shove the tears back down his throat. 

“I believe what I deem worth paying is up to me,” Jaskier tilted his chin up, looking directly into his eyes with such a tenderness that Geralt’s knees almost gave out, “Stop pushing me away.”

Their faces were terrifyingly close, so close Gealt could feel the bard’s breath on his neck as he tried to steady the shaking of his hands, “I want to…” he breathed, “...if I-”

Jaskier didn’t give him time to finish. He sealed his lips to his witcher’s and pulled him as close as he could. Geralt felt his heart twist in his chest, painfully so, like he would burst as soon as Jaskier pulled away.

To his surprise, when they parted, he didn’t keel over dead.

Jaskier brought his other hand up to rest against Geralt’s jaw, “I have every intention of keeping you. Forever.”

Geralt groaned in defeat, leaning his forehead against the bard’s, “Good. You’ll never get rid of me now.”