#plus some asshole repellent

[meadow-hearthfire]

Dear Trolls Fandom

Don't go making callout posts on people based on potential misinformation. I've seen that happen in the Welcome Home fandom that I've since left, and I didn't come into the Trolls fandom to see it happen again.

First of all, you can't "own" a concept. And don't go around saying "don't get inspired by my work", no one can control being inspired. There's a difference between plagiarism and making an already-existing idea your own. Ponder Sprocket/Empty Brooke made a video elaborating on this issue among other things.

Second of all, don't get on someone's case for shipping a canonically gay character with a character of their opposite sex or gender. Those are FICTIONAL CHARACTERS; unless it's incestuous, pedophilic or zoophilic (sapient X nonsapient), don't get bent outta shape over it. Here's a post I made on this issue. If you don't like it, the block button is your friend.

Thirdly, don't go pointing fingers at someone and accusing them of being a creep or a pr0shitter based on surface-level information. Are they shipping a canonically thirty-something character with a canonically underage character? Before you make a reactionary post name-dropping them, please verify whether or not the person aged the younger character up for the ship. Look into and verify shit before spreading shit, and even if it turns out you're right, you still shouldn't name-drop the person because all you're doing is inciting harassment. I don't care if you're doing this to "spread awareness", you're still doing more harm than good and effectively promoting them. If the person shipping the characters doesn't bother to age up the younger character for their ship, it should be obvious. Even then, you still need to verify if that's the case.

And lastly, PR0SHIPS/PR0FICS FUCK OFF!! I'm not affiliated with you creeps! 🖕

For the record, I'm midfic/midship, which means I have the common sense to know that you cannot have a kink for incest, underage or nonsapient, be it based in fiction or otherwise. Plus, if you're going to incorporate that shit in a story you're trying to tell, it needs to serve a purpose that isn't gratification and it needs to be handled with care.

And I'm aware of the original meaning of pr0ship, but I'm not taking any chances. Whether or not claims of it meaning someone is a creep stems from misinformation is irrelevant, the creeps who wear that label still adopted that as the definition. If you don't wanna be fingered as one of those creeps, my advice is to not wear the pr0ship/pr0fic labels. Here's a link to a post elaborating on this.

[shynetyme06]

P. Paperjam—

This one is gonna be long but I can tell you know exactly what you've signed up for

First impression: I thought he was an annoying baby because of reasons you can probably guess. I mostly tolerated his presence in the videos I watched because I really liked errorink when I first joined the fandom, so he was just "kid that was there sometimes"

Impression now: HE IS EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fr my favorite character of all time✨ Back when I was exclusively looking at utmv content on youtube, I came across this video, and it was my first ever look at pj not being that annoying baby, which dominoed into me trying to find more about this jerk of a character, because omg this is what's actually canon?? which led me here :3 genuinely obsessed with their story, and by now my opinion of errorink literally traded with them lmao. Those dad guys are cool but they're always in the background of the true star forreal

Favorite moment: this

Idea for a story: I have way too many of these........ But I've been seeing ppl be more broad with this answer so I will too: I like when people acknowledge how garbage she's doing mentally. She didn't just spawn and start acting like an asshole to everyone, a hard childhood shaped who she is now and so the bitterness just makes sense (people tend to forget/not know/acknowledge that she was actually shown to be a pretty chill, soft spoken kid. years of neglect is what pushed her to leave) This next part isn't like, a rule for anyone lmao. but this question is for my idea and what my idea is, is that most if not every single one of my pj variants have got parental issues (even if a lot smaller in some cases) because said issues are a staple for this guy atp (to meeee)

Unpopular opinion: I think the pj and fresh dynamic can be fun without shipping or the uncle fresh interpretation. They're both grown and get into shenanigans (also I think it's funny if pj initially just hung around the guy because he's literally walking error repellent, and since fresh is unable to posses pj the strategy just kinda became "hmm having a friend makes me look more normal, I can live with this")

Favorite relationship: omnipj forever and always 💜🩷I used to go through their ship tag like every day when I discovered them I swear, they are genuinely the cutest thing ever to me. They used to be my true otp, (fr never seriously considered shipping either of them with another person) but thenn I met a certain someone and got converted lmao. Now I've got 2 worlds featuring the ship of pj x lux (including a shared au with the aforementioned someone, hi tobi💜) And no matter if it's just one of them or both, I love seeing the softer side of pj's personality that had been buried for so long resurfacing again around the people she loves <33333 And part 2 of this answer because nearly every dynamic with pj intrigues me like crazy: ink man. that freaking guyyYYYYYY THEY MAKE ME SAD. going back to an earlier point, pj didn't just come out hating them. they tried and tried and tried to have a relationship, and we know how that ended. My interpretations of them rarely get to the point of pj running away and being forgotten, but there's always this.. disconnect, yknow? (I am a huge fan of good dad ink guys I just tend to douse their relationship with pj in a little flame before they get to the healing part🙏) (And bonus since we're on the topic of parents, the fact that pj still wanted to on some level appeal to even error after the things he's done to them is absolutely tragic, and all this put together really adds to my reading of pj as a character being one who believes in the idea of having to work to deserve to be respected/cared for) Uhhh part 3 I promise this one is shorter: Palette and pj are the siblings ever to me. I really like sibling dynamics that are adult/teen + kid, (ik palette is canonically an adult now just let me have this) plus they're opposites in a ton more ways and play off of each other really well. I believe that pj was not happy in the slightest about being an older sibling to him in the beginning, but they always grow to love each other <3

Favorite headcanon: I don't think I have a favorite tbh, but here's one that applies to every pj I've written so far: they are farsighted, but refuse to get/wear glasses all the time because "it's not that bad"

[oc-aita]

AITA for stealing a bone? Okay, preface: I'm sending this before I do it, but I am going to do this no matter what. I just want to know if I'm an asshole or not.

For context, I, 20sm, have a... condition. I'm very sensitive to certain things, including a magical object my brother owns. My mentor/father figure, 400sm, also has this condition, so as a rule of thumb, things that hurt him hurt me. I've only recently developed it, so I'm figuring it out as I go.

For some more context, recently my brother (20sm), our friend (30s?40s?m), and I recently met a woman. She knew a lot of things she shouldn't have, and tried to get the magical object from my brother in exchange for information we wanted. Now, that object repels and hurts people with my condition, so he keeps it far away from me when he uses it.

However, we've been sent to recover some bones, which are an object with similar abilities, but far more powerful. They're apparently meant to keep my mentor out of a town (which... he's not as bad as people make him out to be. He can be violent, sure, but our condition is hard to live with and he sees something in me that nobody else has, so he's shown me only kindness.). Which, by extension, probably means they'll just outright kill me, because despite the advantages of our condition, I'm very weak- I've almost died several times, and have lasting wounds, so I think I've given my brother a complex because it's only happened when he's away from me. Our home is in that town! It's the only real home I've ever had. I don't want to leave.

The thing is, the bones have to be in a very specific place to work. I have a hypothesis that if I take one of the bones before they're placed there, I can prevent it from working, or at least make it work less, so I can keep living there. Plus, there's something cool coming up soon, and I really want to see if my Mentor will come, because he hasn't talked to me in a while and I miss him. My friends don't like him, but that's just because they got off on the wrong foot, and also because he was mean to my brother but my brother is a monster hunter so I'm sure he was just scared. Because our condition makes us "monstrous". But he knows now that my brother wouldn't hurt a fly! He's really nice.

It's not the first time I've stolen. I got my friend kicked out for stealing a book for me (which I submitted here before), I stole a book when I ran away, and as my mentor asked, I stole my brother's journal. (It's okay, he got a new one, my mentor probably just wants to copy it down anyways!) But these bones seem like a huge deal, and I think people might get mad at me if they find out. But I'm not gonna keep it!! The lady we met said that she was interested in artifacts like the one my brother has, so I'm gonna bring it to her in exchange for information. Like, where my friend is, or if I have a family, or stuff like that. It won't be a huge bone! Like, a rib, or some vertebrae, or a tibia. Just enough to interest her and hopefully keep me safe.

AITA for doing this?

[a-tale-never-told]

A Night at the Kuzuryus

Kuzuryu residence, 9:30pm, September 2nd, 2012

*"Inside the enormous mansion that is the Kuzuryu residence, surrounded by guards, within the office of one man, is a certain Yakuza on the phone, talking to someone over the line. He has brown hair and some kind of a goatee while wearing a gray suit with a red undershirt*".

No no no no, listen to me! I need that shipment by Monday! So what in the hell do you mean you can't get it?

Worker: (slight Jamaican accent) I'm sorry boss. But I told you we can't get the shipment in time. It's not ready yet for loading, plus the risk of us getting caught is very high, especially in these waters.

Oh, don't give me that fuckin' bullshit! You have the fucking means to get the shipment from Jamacia to Kyoto, so just fucking do it!

Worker: We do have it, sir. My only concern is the Coast Guard ships patrolling the waterways from here to Kyoto. If the DEA catches even a whiff of what we are doing, it's all over for us, man. That's why I'm trying to play it safe for the long term untill it's clear.

DEA? Who gives a flying fuck about the DEA? If they want a war, we'll give them a war that they'll never forget! The Americans are too fucking occupied with the Russians and Chinese to care about us, so just move that shit over here.

Worker: Sir, I don't think you truly understand the scope of the situation here-

Situation?! May I remind you who the fuck are you talking to here? Huh?! You wanna fuck with me, asshole?! I'll cut off your fucking fingers if you say that shit to me again!! GOT IT?!

Worker: ...., Yes man. Just don't kill me!

Good!. Now listen here, we're on a tight schedule with the Argentinians over here. I promised them that I would have the coke delivered to them by Friday, but now I have to tell them that it can't happen. We're riskin' a fucking war between us and those tango-loving pussies! And I don't even know if I have the manpower to repel an assault.

So here's what we're gonna do, okay? I'll give you one more week for you guys to get your shit together and get the coke from Jamaica to Kyoto, that's it! I can't stall them any longer, so just hurry the hell up with that delivery! Oh and one more thing before you forget, you don't show your asses here untill that delivery is completed entirely I want the whole damm thing, not just a little bit, or you'll hear me.

Worker: Y-Yeah man, I'll get the guys working on it right away, boos.

Good. That will be all. Have a good day *hangs up the phone*

Fuckin' cocksuckers! *sighs* Uhhhhh.

???: Guess the deal didn't work out huh?

?!

......

......

......

I mean, what did ya expect from people like these? You simply can't trust them

[kendrixtermina]

For added context, IIRC their seized maps from some militants & the festival wasn't marked, plus some recorded audio shows some expressing surprise.

Now a thorough third-party investigation party will be needed. IDF lies every time they speak & were caught faking too many times to count, but Hamas also has incentive to lie, PR is a big part of this war.

I don't buy Haniyeh's claim that zero civilians were targetted because its NEVER zero & no matter what the orders from the top are there's always individual guys getting trigger happy, plus there are some humanitarian org peeps reporting eyewitnesses that saw ppl firing at passerby's etc.

Still there's a huge difference between ordering deliberate atrocities & torture and all the ISIS-style stuff that was claimed, and some individual soldiers taking opportunistic revenge disciplined purposeful military raid. It's worth mentioning that the population of those towns is pretty armed. They know they're next to the border, after all. (I have to grant that they weren't so wrong to have guns given what happened but the line between village & fortification/outpost blurs somewhat & the militants had reasons to assume any combat-aged person may start shooting. )

Still, if my government fired on ANY amount of my fellow citizens I'd be livid, leaving aside the exact proportion. They did demonstrably put 20 year old recruits who'd never fired an attack helicopter before.

For all that they're calling their scorched earth vengeance "defense" they did a lousy job at actually defending / repelling the attack.

Many ppl who lived in the villages surrounding Gaza say they're not coming back, which is kinda a victory for Hamas. Their objective is to make Israel unattractive for settlers to live in & void the zionist "selling point" of safety.

It#s worth noting that Synagogues in the west really DO have to have armed guards a lot of the time, (not cause there's that many antisemites imho, but because they all come running from their holes & every far right asshole wanting to prove they're tuff sees them as a target.20/80 principle. It takes only a few bullies/tyrants to make everyone's lives miserable. Same as with creepy catcallers. ) so Israel isn't competing with a baseline of zero, there's a reason the sales pitch works. It promises pride to the humiliated.

Still, regular bus explosions & ppl having to frequently go to bomb shelters, flying rockets... The safety thing is a lie, but they have a handy scapegoat & tell ppl if all the palestinians were gone they would have perfect safety. (actually, they're unsafe BECAUSE they oppress, at least as far as Israel goes)

I mean, ppl deserve safety. Wanting safety isn't bad. Wanting to protect your family isn't bad. But the palestinians have that exact same impulse of "I will murder you if you hurt my family", and nothing to lose.

It's just that far right nuts everywhere know how to channel fear & desire for safety onto scapegoats by telling ppl who to blame.

It's not so different from the western far right nut who says "blame immigrants for taking the jobs" so ppl don't get on the case of the bosses underpaying them all. Then the same people hating on immigrants pass pro-corporate laws, making the poverty worse...

"Bash the arabs" is not the solution for more safety, quite the opposite...

fascism in all its form is fundamentally a con.

This makes me laugh so hard I swear

Well there is your proof. Hamas didnt even know abt the festival. Ofc it's made up its israel afterall

[kimberly-spirits13]

Batfam Reacting to S/O Turning into a Robin HC (Request)

So this entire thing happens because you and Bruce were fighting Circe who just had to throw a spell at a civilian

You jump in front of the spell and catch it, taking the blow

This means that on site, you turn into a Robin

Wtf

Bruce is big mad now since now he thinks that you could be a Robin for the rest of your life and that’s just not cool

The moment that the fight is over, he calls in everyone from the league

Z, Constantine, Dr. Fate, Zatara, Wonder Woman, the whole lot

Once they find out what happens there’s a worry but eventually they find that it’s going to be alright and you’ll change back within the next 72 hours or so

72 HOURS

Bruce just simply cannot wait that long

he doesn’t know what to do with a bird like

ALFRED

They make sure to not try and feed you anything that’s too disgusting that you wouldn’t normally eat

No worms

That would be gross

Bruce does find it kind of funny that you turn into a Robin and not something else

So happy it wasn’t a bat

You’d get mixed and lost with the rest of them in the cave and that would be weird

Plus there’s a high chance that you’d just fall from the ceiling

Once you finally detransform from the entire debacle, Bruce is very happy to have you back

Gets special charms from Z and Constantine that repel bad magic back onto the user

Ensures that something like this doesn’t happen again

Dick Grayson:

This man does not know what to do

It’s a run in with Witch Boy that causes this to happen

Z!!!!!!

That’s the first person that he calls

Wally is really the one that takes you back to him since Dick wasn’t on this mission but you and Wally were leading it

You jumped in front of one of the newer recruits and that’s how that happened

Does this entire experience count as a souvenir?

Like maybe he just takes a feather that you drop or something and like SOUVENIR OF THAT ONE TIME THAT Y/N TURNED INTO A ROBIN

After the initial freak out mode, he just thinks that it’s kind of funny that it was a Robin

Z said that the spell was the wrong spell (thankfully) and you’d only turn into something that you loved for a little while

RObin yOU TuRNeD InTO A RoBIn

And that makes Dick a blushing mess

Once you finally do turn back, he teases you

Your most important question is did you eat anything gross

The answer was no but still

Trust issues

he does mention what the spell was and that lead to some blushing

Jason Todd:

This was the last thing that he had planned

The absolute last thing

On a mission that involved some weird magic stuff, you just happened to get turned into a Robin

What the literal hell is happening now

The first instinct is to see that it’s really you

Once you understand that you’re a Robin, you’re just like, oh, so this is happening now

And that’s just how it is, you fly up onto his shoulder and just run with it

Just sitting there like it’s no one’s business cause it isn’t

If anyone asks why there’s a Robin following, it’s just what’s happening now

He is concerned that you don’t turn into a human again

So he does make sure to ask and this time, it needs a counter spell

Z is the one to do this since Jason isn’t keen on trusting Constantine

Doesn’t take super long to do this since Z is already very powerful

We Stan a powerful helpful queen

So Jason goes to one of her shows and sneaks back stage still in the Red Hood uniform and explains what happens

Z just goes ahead, sets you on the floor, and does the transformation

It was really easy, not to painful, but it was weird to just be laying on the floor and not able to fly

You’ll only miss that part

Jason doesn’t miss any of it and still jokes about the fact that you were a Robin

“Babe at least you didn’t blow up in your time being Robin.”

JASON PETER TODD

Tim Drake:

So you turn into a Robin on a mission with the team

He was on this mission and watched the entire thing go down

The funny part was that you could still talk since the magic was somewhat incomplete

There’s just this small voice “WHAT THE HELL!”

And then Tim knows that it’s definitely you

Tim was going to take you to one of the magic users in the league

but since Diana was right there when you got back, you stormed up flew up to her and just mouthed off

“DIANA LOOK AT ME! THAT ASSHOLE CIRCE TURNED ME INTO A ROBIN! THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH ROBIN BUT I DON’T WANT TO BE ROBIN! WATCHA LOOKIN AT BATS! I’M NOT UP FOR ADOPTION!”

Tim just died laughing

Cause it really was funny that you were just a little tiny Robin and mouthing off at the most powerful heroes in the world

Recorded it 100%

When Diana takes you to Themyscira in order to get one of the Amazon’s to help, Tim obviously couldn’t come

So it’s about a three day long trip and during that period, Timmy is a mess

He needs to know what’s happening at all times to ensure that you’re alright

When you do finally get home, he tackles you into a hug and checks you up and down to make sure that there’s nothing still wrong

Very happy when he concludes that there’s nothing wrong anymore and you’re back to the regular Y/N

Damian Wayne:

His first instinct is to not let anyone touch you but him

He takes you everywhere and makes sure that you’re alright

You can’t talk but he’s helped birds before and has dated you for some time so he knows what no to do and what to do

That being said, he does want you back to normal ASAP

That means that he’ll call an emergency league meeting without Bruce’s approval

Although Bruce probably would have done the same thing since he really knows that Damian loves you and would make sure that you’re alright

That’s super important to him and the rest of the family since you are kind of family at this point

Damian insists that the magic users help turn you back very quickly

They call in Constantine since Z is off doing other things and he makes sure that he knows exactly what happens

Constantine has had some bad experiences with magic in the past and he wants to be sure that you’re not going to have anything really bad happen to you

Damian is the same way

Probably threatens John’s life if something goes wrong

Once you’re finally back, Damian also tackles you

Though Constantine has to hold him back at first since the shock of turning back and then having someone tackle you to the ground would be over whelming

But when he finally can, he does

Checks you over just like Tim and then doesn’t let you out of his sight for a week or so

It’s not that he doesn’t trust you, just not anyone else

He makes it a point that you’re too important to lose

Cuddles everywhere

Once he does step back and think about it though, he finds it kind of endearing that there are thousands of other things that you could’ve turned into but it was a Robin

It was sweet but didn’t need to last longer than it had to

Duke and Luke:

I’m putting these guys together since in my mind they’re pretty alike

Luke is the classical version of Duke and Duke is the Lofi/ alternative hip hop version of Luke

For these reasons they both have very similar reactions

And that would be to freak out

they take you to Bruce and get advice cause what is going on

They don’t have as much of a connection with the Robin deal since they weren’t ever technically Robin for Batman

Duke is a bit more of an arguable case but still

They do find it both suspicious and a bit comedic that it was a Robin out of anything else though

I have to say that they’re the most chill out of any of the Batfam when it comes to something like this since this kind of thing just happens a lot

Not turning into Robin, just weird outta pocket experiences

Like this is just another thing to add to the list of oh here we go again

Duke does think that you’re still really a pretty Robin

In the most non- weird way possible you’re just a pretty Robin

Luke doesn’t really pay attention to that and instead wants to get to the bottom of what happened so that it doesn’t happen again

They’re both really smart so they’ll figure it out but at different paces since one is more urgent than the other

Doesn’t mean that either care less though

Once you’re back they do make sure that extra diagnostics are run to make sure that nothing was effected and you’ll be okay long and short term

Once they’re satisfied it’ll all go back to being pretty normal

Sry this took so long, exams are running wild

[lisaleigh713]

AJ and the Weekend

My Aunt Jean just left to go back home and I wanted to set down what my weekend was like.  I am still quivering and having micro orgasms so pardon any misspelled words.  

Aunt Jean called a few days ago and asked if she could come spend the weekend with me alone.  “Of course you may.  I would love to see you again.”  AJ arrived on Frida afternoon in between all the rain we had.  Of course I greeted her with a nice hug and wonderful kiss.  All I had on was a pair of 6 inch stilettos and  a sheer black robe.  She in turn wanted to change into something a bit more comfortable, so I led her to the bedroom so she could change.

While AJ changed clothes, I made us both a drink.  After making us each 2 fingers of whiskey AJ emerged from the bedroom.  AJ had on a pair of 5 inch black stilettos and a red sheer robe.  We slammed our drinks and she asked for another and a little something else to send us over the edge.  “I have just the thing” I responded.

I grabbed a couple of MDMA’s and some grade a coke.  I requested AJ to bend over the the counter where the coke had been sliced into lines.  While she did a line, I licked her ass and slipped the X into her ass.  AJ, turned around and said, “my turn to do yours.”  I didn’t hesitate at all.  I bent over a bit to snort a line while AJ was licking my ass.  She slipped that X right into my ass with no effort.

We moved to the couch to talk and of course finish our drinks.  We sipped on our whiskey and spoke about my Uncle.  He wanted to come but AJ wanted this to be a girls only weekend.  I was just fine with that decision.  I asked about our cousins and she replied they were good but anxious to get back to Houston to see me again.  We talked for about an hour and we could both tell the X and whiskey plus the coke had us both in a very amorous mood.

We began kissing and fondling one another on the couch but decided to move to the bedroom where we had more room.  Once there the robes came off but the shoes stayed on.  We go into bed with one another and began deep kissing and playing with each others pussy and clit.  While doing so, I liked and nibbled AJ’s nipples like they were candy.  We moved into the 69 and I just couldn’t resist her ass.  With AJ on top of me, I licked from asshole to clit and back again.  Each time I hit her asshole, she would suck my clit harder.  

It was not long before the both of us was cumming.  She started squirting right into my mouth and on my face.  I did everything I could to capture / drink it all but it was so much I just couldn’t.  I began squirting shortly after AJ did and she did her best to drink it up while sucking on my clit.  We lay there, in the bed, together for a bit.  We were both still shaking and having micro orgasms.

After a bit of time it was time to get up and clean up.  We both rose and then AJ’s phone began to ring, it was my Uncle.  AJ had forgotten to call when she arrived and he had given her time due to the bad weather.  Whilst she spoke with him, I crawled between her legs and again began licking her pussy and asshole.  She put him on speaker phone so he could hear her cumming.  He was super excited and asked AJ what I was doing, so she gave him a play by play of what I was doing.  As our bodies were still very sensitive it didn’t take long for AJ to start cumming and squirting again all over my face and tits.  I stood and we kissed long and hard whilst rubbing our tits against one another.  AJ actually had moved her phone to facetime so my Uncle could see what was going on.

I excused myself to grab a shower.  I grabbed my drink and proceeded to the shower.  I kicked off my shoes and slipped into a nice hot shower.  Moments later AJ decided to join me.  We soaped each other up and washed each others hair.  Yes, we played with each a bit more til both of us came again.  We got out of the shower and dried our hair and re-applied our makeup.  We were going to go out to dinner.  We dressed as if we were sisters.  Our eyes were smoky grey and our lips a deep wet red color.  Our mani / pedi’s stayed the same and deep red color.  

Now to dress.  We both slipped into some black seamed stocking, a half cup bra, garter belts and a LBD with 5 inch black sling back stilettos.  Because of the rain, we jumped into my Range Rover and went to a very nice restaurant.  We walked in and all eyes moved to both of us.  AJ looked young and could easily pass for an older sister.  We ate but because this was a girls only weekend, we repelled all propositions.  I do have some of the numbers though.

We went to a nice lesbian bar I know of and danced til the wee hours of the morning.  Of course numerous women approached us both to which I have those numbers.  Never know when I might need some female company.  We left and went home where we had another session of love making.  

We got us Saturday morning and fixed breakfast.  We mainly had some coffee and fruit.  I asked, “AJ, did you bring your swimsuit?”  To which she replied “of course I did, I bought one just for this weekend.”  We decided to go to the lake and take the boat out so it was time to dress.  I had this black micro bikini I purchased a couple of weeks ago but had yet to wear it and AJ had the same but in white.  

My pussy was dripping wet just seeing her dressed in that white micro but we really needed to get to the dock.  Beside we would have time to fuck on my boat once out on the water.  My boat was waiting for us when we arrived.  The dock crew was used to seeing me in almost nothing but AJ was a new comer.  We both had a corresponding color wrap on which covered our bottom but was sheer so didn’t really cover much.  We wore our heels to the boat as the dock crew grabbed our cooler and bags.

The crew untied and off we went.  We were not in any hurry so we tootled around the lake until we were both getting a bit hungry and horny.  I know of a little cove where no one ever goes so I pointed the bow in the direction of and moved the throttle forward.  AJ wanted to drive a bit so we switched places.  As she drove I move in between her legs and moved the small fabric guarding her luscious pussy.  I licked her pussy and sucked on her clit while playing with her nipples.  Just before we arrived she had a nice orgasm.

We pulled into the cove and dropped anchor.  We went below to grab a bite to eat and of course a drink.  We came back up topside to eat and drink.  We talked again about Friday night and family.  I told AJ to bend over and I again slipped an X into her bum then turned around and she did mine.  We drank and did a bit of coke.  Then I had almost forgot someone had told me about poppers and I had bought a vial which I had left on the boat.  So I asked if she would like to try it and of course AJ said “hell yes.”

We both did a couple hits of poppers, so along with the X, coke and whiskey we were feeling very amorous.  We moved back down to the cabin and fucked each other for a couple of hours.  Neither one of us could move after.  We just laid there in the cabin, hearts pounding and heads swimming;  pussies were throbbing and our nipples jutting out from our chests.  It took about an hour to come back to earth and the sun was beginning to set, so we laid out on the bow to watch a beautiful sunset together.

“I almost forgot something, I will be right back,” I said to AJ.  I went below, removed my bikini and grabbed a double headed cock.  I brought it back topside and told AJ to close her eyes.  I moved her bikini to the side and slipped this fake cock into her ass and then slipped the other end into my ass.  I grabbed the poppers and we both did a couple of hits and then fucked each others ass and played with our pussies and clit until we came again.  We lay there, on the bow of my boat with a dildo sticking in each of our asses.  Stuck together as it were, in the dark, with only ambient light shining against our bodies.  

Now good and dark we motored back to the dock where the boys could see how fucked up we both were and could only smile.  We stumbled back to my car while the boys loaded it up.  I drove us home and we went inside and grabbed a shower together.  We played a bit more and went to bed.  

We fucked each other all Sunday morning up until the time AJ left a couple of hours ago.  I definitely can not wait until she returns again, hopefully next time with my Uncle and/or cousins.  

My pussy is dripping replaying this weekend in my mind so I think I will go grab an extra large dildo and fuck myself until I can’t see straight.  Hope everyone had a great weekend.

Love and Kisses,

Lisa

[ellestra]

Agatha All Along

We got one more show within the show and its main tune kills (I can’t get Agatha All Along out of my head). It was also nice to see I was right about her manipulating the events with twins and Vision. She’s also behind nuPietro. I knew it wasn’t Wanda but some other sorcerer of comparable power. I just suspected this was Strange coming on the show. I should’ve known better - Strange wouldn’t be this cruel to bring her brother back.

And that ending also made it look like Agatha has been directing it so it implies she’s responsible for the whole thing but I’m not sure. When she comes in the reality warp is already established (she lands in her own clothes so the Hex didn’t change her she adjusted herself). So I still think that Pietro questions was to figure out how this came to be. And all the interference with triggering twins growth spurts and making Vision question and leave and thus triggering expansion was all testing Wanda’s power and control. I think Agatha didn’t make Wanda create the Hex. I think she just noticed it emerged and come to investigate. And the she took over.

And last week commercial makes me think she may also feed on Wanda’s power. She can do all those things because she is tapping to Wanda’s magic (yomagic!) and slowly taking it over which is why Wanda seems to lose control on the reality. And she will stop anyone who tries to stop her - sending nuPietro to stop Monica, keeping Vision and Darcy out of town, getting the twins out of the way (Billy noticed he can’t read her mind) - at least for long enough she can take Wanda over for good. No more Ms good neighbour.

Of course Agnes isn’t the only one in play there. Monica is back inside and this time with her memories intact. And with superpowers. I liked the E-Man’s idea of how Monica could’ve gotten the powers from crossing the barrier while others wouldn’t (I didn’t like the idea of giving superpowers to anyone simply crossing it for all those SWORD agents - see how they are still assholes inside). The idea that she is changed because she was wrapped in Wanda’s powers and those get remixed into her by the barrier makes her different from everyone else crossing. And would make her another one empowered by Infinity Stone and explain her power levels in MCU continuity.

But the way they are shown in this episode made me wonder again if she already had them. The way she seems to knows she can cross when a rover was easily repelled. The lack of her surprise in seeing the power display or landing that drop. Or how she seems to turn it on to see Agatha’s basement. It’s like she already knows she has it and how to use it. It just that the last time Wanda caught her unawares and rewrote her memory so she forgot how to use it. This time she knew what to expect so she made it inside intact. She doesn’t use her powers against Wanda because she believes she can convince her to stop. And she was getting to Wanda until Agatha intervenes. Now she knows who the bad guys are and I’m hoping for high speed fight with nuPietro.

And this week commercial hints why Agatha is so interested in Wanda’s power. Unlike the initial commercial this relies on comic book knowledge not MCU (I haven’t read all these stories but I did catch up on Wanda and Vison’s history so I’m no expert) so Spoilers

Wanda’s situation is perfectly described - the world did move on without her for a whole 5 years. And what is worse she came back to see the boyfriend she just traumatically lost twice in pieces in a lab and experimented on. And now she has made this reality where he can be alive again and she just want to be left alone but they won’t let her be.

Wanda’s powers in comic books come in large part of her being the Nexus being of the main Marvel universe. She can pick which timeline is the real one and separate realities from each other so she anchors the 616 reality (or any reality she choses - see House of M). The world literally revolves around her.

And of course Vision being disassembled and brought back with no memories is also what happened in the comics. Losing all that bound them together  pushes Wanda into mental breakdown (plus being manipulated by numerous bad guys - like Agatha Harkness). Losing the twins due to them being the her own creations (disappearing when she was not thinking about them) powered by pieces of Mephisto’s soul (he took those back) and then forgetting them (Agatha again) didn’t help either. I hope none of this is going to end as bad as it got in comics. Wanda never deserved any of that just because no one knew how to let her be powerful (also see Jean Grey dying). I hope Dr Strange can help early this time.

Still, all that makes me wonder if the big bad is not Mephisto like everyone speculates but Immortus. After all in comics he is the one behind all of that. It’d made sense since Kang the Conqueror is coming to MCU soon so this might be a set up not just to next Dr Strange film but also next Ant-Man and Wasp movie.

But for now I just hope Wanda feels her feelings, confronts her truth and sizes her destiny and moves on with her life with possibly less depression. Or at least less abuse.

[thesurielships]

feysand + “you promised me a cookie!”

kiss me like your ex is in the room

note: this is super late, I’m sorry. I hope you’re doing well, and I look forward to read your next creations when you feel better. Enjoy :))

note 2: uncle Colm is a character from Derry Girls and his lines are quoted from the show. It's a really good show, BTW.

Word count: 1.6k | Masterlist | ao3

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Rita’s bakery is the best in Velaris. They specialize in finger foods and exquisite little pastries, each more exotic and original than the next; but the town’s favorite – or at least, Feyre’s favorite – will always be their double chocolate chip cookies.

These are no simple cookies. Even though they have been critiqued by many a reputed culinary writer, the secret to the complexity of their taste has yet to be uncovered. With a chewy center and crispy edges, chocolate chips that explode in your mouth and a bittersweet aftertaste that is nothing short of addictive, plus the extreme exclusivity of Rita’s services, they are nothing short of an urban legend. In fact, hiring Rita for an event earns you a spot on the local gossip column for weeks, no questions asked.

Feyre supposes she shouldn’t be surprised that her cunning devil of a sister managed to get them to cater for her wedding. Or that she only made her maid of honor in order to work her to the bone. Nevertheless, as she gazes at Nesta’s dazzling smile and the absolutely enamored look in Cassian’s eyes, Feyre finds she is glad to be here. Even though she didn’t get to the cookies in time.

Her friend Alis catches her eye from a few tables away and as she walks towards her, a familiar voice makes her pause.

“Now, I don't mind a bit of a breeze, if any, I prefer it. But that one was aggressive. So I says to myself. I say 'Colm, this is no day for a do'. ”

The steadiness of his monotone never fails to amaze her.

“When the bride arrives, and I say by this stage, the wind was fierce. I've never heard wind like it -”

Feyre dares a peek at the new victim of her uncle Colm’s boring and endless ramblings, and the sight that greets her almost makes up for the missing cookies. Rhysand - the best man and general pain in her ass ever since she met him a couple of months ago – is the portrait of boredom. He is slouching in his chair, his chin in his hand and his eyelids drooping as he struggles to focus on uncle Colm’s story. It’s the first time she sees him without his usual smirk, and she hates that she misses it.

“Howling like a banshee it was,” her uncle drones on. “So the poor girl –”

Feyre clears her throat and Rhysand starts. She bites back a laugh at the hope that kindles in his face when he sees her.

“Feyre dear, I was just telling this handsome young fellow about –”

“The windy wedding story?”

Uncle Colm smiles at her fondly. “You remember?”

She nods solemnly. “It’s a very funny story. You should hear the rest of it, Rhysand,” she adds with a smirk.

Rhysand’s eyes are wide with horror. She can almost hear him shout ‘save me!’

“So the poor girl,” her uncle resumes his retelling, “the bride now this is –”

Feyre raises a brow defiantly. Why should I?

“She arrives and –”

He glances to his side and she follows his gaze. The prick has not one, not two, but three of Rita’s cookies on a plate.

“Isn't she no –”

“Uncle Colm,” she exclaims in a high pitched tone, “I’m sorry to interrupt such a good story, but I actually need Rhysand for a very urgent matter.”

The usually unflappable best man practically jumps out of his seat. “Duty calls, uncle Colm.”

“That’s a shame,” her uncle sighs. “I was so close to the end. Are you sure –”

“Yes,” Rhysand squeaks, and Feyre coughs to hide her laugh. “Maybe next time,” he throws over his shoulder as he drags her away.

No sooner are they out of earshot that she collapses into a fit of giggles. Rhysand frowns and she laughs harder. He tries to keep his face stern but the corners of his lips are twitching. When she finally sobers up, Feyre offers him her hand, palm up.

One groomed eyebrow lifts. “What?”

“What do you mean, what? You promised me a cookie!”

Rhysand slides his hands into his pockets and Feyre’s heart sinks. “I did no such thing.”

“But, but,” she sputters, “I saw you! You looked at those cookies!”

He chuckles, low and soft. “Those cookies aren’t mine, Feyre darling.”

“You tricked me.”

She glares up at him but freezes when her eyes fall on the doors behind him. Tamlin is here. The blood drains from her face. She can feel herself quaking in her heels and she hates how he makes her feel small just by walking in the room.

“What’s wrong?”

She doesn’t answer.

What in the Cauldron is he doing here? Is he here for me?

Her chest is too tight. She can’t breathe.

He’s here for me, he’s here for me, he’s here for-

“Feyre.”

She startles at Rhysand’s voice. He turns to look behind him and she grabs him by the lapel. “Don’t,” she whispers.

He patiently waits for her to explain.

“Tamlin, my ex –”

Understanding dawns in his eyes. His smile is grim.

Feyre dares another glance over his shoulder. “He’s –” she croaks, swallows, clears her throat, “comin –”

Rhysand’s lips on hers stop her short.

Feyre just stands there, too stunned to react. He draws away slightly. His hands cup her face and his thumbs stroke her cheeks lovingly. His gaze is steady on hers as he waits for her to make the next move.

Her hands are still clutching his lapels so she pulls him close and kisses him.

She means to repel Tamlin, but as soon as their lips meet she forgets everything but the man that has been haunting her dreams for months. The kiss is slow and languorous, and Feyre wonders at the softness of his lips, the gentleness of his caress. Her fingers bury in his hair and his hands trail down to her waist, setting her skin burning on their wake. She moans and he smiles. She bites his lower lip so he allows her entry, and Feyre is so busy committing the taste of him, the feel of him to memory that it takes her a couple of minutes to realize that someone is watching.

A throat clears next to them, and Feyre pulls away. Rhysand’s eyes are a mirror of what she’s feeling: a mixture of surprise, delight and longing. His smile is slow as he reads the naked emotions on her face, his hold tightening around her waist. Her fingers are still caressing the soft hair at the base of his neck.

Tamlin clears his throat once again and Feyre reluctantly untangles herself from Rhysand, though he nestles his hand in the small of her back to keep her close.

“Tamlin,” she begins and is surprised to find her voice strong and her knees steady. She remembers something an old friend of hers told her in the dark days following their break up. ‘Only you can decide what breaks you.’ And here, in Nesta’s wedding and in Rhysand’s arms, Feyre decides she is done being afraid of her controlling asshole of an ex.

She levels a condescending glare at Tamlin and says nothing, but he’s too busy scowling at Rhys to notice. “Who. Are. You?”

Feyre’s nostrils flare. How typical of him to dismiss her, to address any one but her as though what she has to say doesn’t matter.

Rhysand’s only answer is his arrogant smirk, and she kind of wants to laugh.

“Tamlin.”

Now he looks at her, frowning at the smirk dancing on her lips, a mirror of her companion’s.

“This is my boyfriend, Rhys. But you can call him Rhysand.”

Her accomplice’s fingers poke her side in amusement. “And who might you be?” he asks, looking down his nose at the man who has been haunting her nightmares for months.

“I’m Feyre’s fiancé,” Tamlin bites back.

Rhysand’s face is disinterested, almost bored. “Darling, you didn’t tell me you were engaged.”

She shoots him a sheepish smile. “I guess it slipped my mind.” And because she just can’t help herself, she puts a hand back on his muscled chest and says in a sultry voice, “I can’t think of much when you’re around.”

The moment she says it, the truth of it resonates in her heart. She doesn’t know what gives her away, but something sparks in Rhysand’s eyes and he pulls her impossibly closer. “Yeah?”

She bites her lip. “Yeah.”

His smile takes her breath away. She doesn’t bother looking back at Tamlin as she declares, “For the record, asshole, we are not engaged. I refused your proposal three months ago.”

“You were confused. You don’t know what –” Tamlin starts but Rhysand interrupts him, “You heard the lady.”

Rhysand’s gaze doesn’t stray from hers for a second. Feyre is drowning, no, floating in this moment. She feels free, unmoored. She wants to throw her head back and laugh until she cries. She wants to dance until her feet ache. She wants to hold this man and never let go.

“Thank you,” her voice is earnest. “You saved me.”

He leans so close their noses touch. “You know, Tamlin left a few seconds ago.”

Feyre loops her arms around his neck. “Is that so?”

His eyes are brighter than stars. “About those cookies,” he begins, almost hesitantly. “I could bake you some.”

She raises a disbelieving brow.

“I know, I know. I’m no Rita, but I happen to have a mighty good recipe. Except instead of flour, I use oatmeal –”

Feyre grimaces.

“Instead of butter, coconut oil.”

She scrunches her nose in disgust.

“And instead of chocolate –”

“You’re replacing chocolate?”

“It could be a date.”

Feyre’s heart stumbles. She glances left and right then stands on the tips of her toes to whisper conspiratorially in his ear. “I would be burned at the stake if the people around here found out I chose this awful creation instead of a good ol’ Ritacookie –”

Rhysand rolls his eyes.

“But it’s a date.”

Tag list: @joyceortiz13 @bailey-4244 @quakeriders @standbislytherin @mariamuses @ignite14 @1800-fight-me @velarian-trash @rhysands-highlady @queenblueoffire @rowaelinforeverworld @feeoly @buckybvrnes @dayanna-hatter @shadowstar2313 @goldfishh20 @sleeping-and-books @crackedship @your-high-lady @thesirenwashere @whiskeybusiness1776 @amren-courtofdreams @tswaney17 @julemmaes @booksbooksbooksworld @queenofbumblebees @meowsekai @awkward-avocado-s

[itsbenedict]

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 2

Zero and @eternalfarnham are Looseleaf and Saelhen du Fishercrown, a mothfolk animist and a half-elf conwoman. A botched heist forces Saelhen to keep up her fake identity and embark on a quest to places unknown, with Looseleaf to keep a watchful compound eye on her. This time, they prepare to set out for the jungle city of Thunderbrush.

[Campaign log]

It's less than a week after the incident with the pit under Yoshimimoto Plaza. Looseleaf returns to school with Saelhen in tow, and Looseleaf's roommate Oyobi spends some time training them up in basic monster self-defense- the two of them are now level 2! Saelhen gains a Cunning Action, and Looseleaf embarks on the Path of the Mutable Spirit. (There's no combat this session, so more on that later.)

In spending some time with Looseleaf's roommate, Saelhen picks up on... certain nuances.

looseleaf: what you know about your roommate is that she is very friendly and outgoing. the reason she's barely home most of the time is that she's always out partying or fighting or otherwise living it up on campus, and she's pretty well-known and popular amongst the student body. she's technically Martial Arts but takes a few Natural Arts classes, including your archaeology class. she wants to be an adventurer and join the Deathseekers' Guild, and she's taking multiple periods of Severe Zoology to learn to fight monsters. she thinks you in particular are adorable and has probably invited you to various social gatherings. she seems kind of spacey and unreliable, though, and doesn't seem to take you seriously.

saelhen, what you know about looseleaf's roommate is that she a freak nobody else seems to pick up on this, since there's not a lot of other elves at Blacksky, but you can tell from the way she wears her clothes and how she interacts with strangers to the uninformed observer, her fashion sense is sort of rugged and sporty and normal to an elf, her usual outfits are the equivalent of going around dressed in torn booty shorts, a spiked choker, and an ahegao t-shirt she is very obviously making a statement, and that statement is "i can do whatever i want, and if you have a problem with that you can [insert grossly offensive euphemism here]" her super-smiley friendly attitude is clearly part of this- she is breaking every single rule in the elf book, going right for the friendship throat in every social interaction and ignoring every single nicety that's supposed to precede friendly contact she acts a little different around you- like, she expects you to be in on the joke she's playing on everyone around her. she'll say something seemingly innocuous that's a actually a horrendous boundary violation in Kanzentokai, and then look at you with an expectant smile, to see if you appreciated the hilarious prank she just pulled. being around her is like being in the studio audience for a cringe comedy sitcom

Why are we learning so much about Oyobi? Well, partially because I can't help but overthink every single bit character, but also for reasons that'll become clear shortly.

After a few days, Saelhen and Looseleaf are invited to the Provost's office, up at the top of Blacksky Tower. (Ominous sort of place, for a faculty building- hewn out of a single chunk of sparkling black stone, oldest building on campus.) They are not invited to sit- the office contains no chairs.

Provost Hamori Los has good news for them! The people she's had secretly monitoring Saelhen for the past few days- did she forget to mention that?- have determined, by triangulation, that the arrow on Saelhen's bracer is currently pointing in the direction of Thunderbrush, deep in the giant-spider-infested jungle. So that where they'll be going, on a fun field trip!

Looseleaf could not be happier about this. Or less happy. She's really got precisely the amount of unhappiness that she's obligated to feel about giant spiders, being a giant moth.

Luckily, they won't have to trek through the jungle- Hamori has arranged for transportation via the ferry at the town of Cauterdale, which should allow them to bypass a treacherous trek into the depths of the Remoline Rainforest. They'll each be provided 100gp as funding for this academic enterprise- and Headmaster Goodcrest of Thunderbrush Metropolitan University has agreed to provide lodging for them on arrival. Everything is handled for them- so there shouldn't be any problems!

There is one more thing, though- all the different schools want in on this trip, so one school doesn't get all the credit. They're required to bring along a representative from the School of Arcane Arts and the School of Martial Arts, on top of Looseleaf from Natural Arts. And on top of... the representative from the School of Restricted Arts.

This dude is named Vayen, and he's not much for conversation. Or explaining what he's even doing here. Or doing anything besides skulking a careful distance away from the party, staring and listening. What does the School of Restricted Arts even study, again?

Anyway, Looseleaf has someone in mind from Martial Arts, so she leads the party to the School of Arcane Arts to do some recruiting! After being chewed out by Two-Brains for trying to post notices outside the official student notice board, she puts up her ad:

It's not long before she gets a bite!

Orluthe Chokorov is a cleric-in-training, under Diamode, the Goddess of Family. He's been enrolled in Arcane Arts at the insistence of his family... but he seems to think he's a "fake", and is desperate to go somewhere, anywhere, as long as it means he passes his classes without having to actually... be able to do whatever it is he's taking classes in. He says he can fight, though- in fact, he's eager to fight! He once beat Bud Chestplate, did you know?

There are perhaps less delinquent candidates they could go with, but there's something nice about a party member with secrets Saelhen could use as blackmail.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "...rest assured that I shall be the soul of discretion. As will Looseleaf." "Though I fear that deception of this sort does not come easily to me..." Looseleaf: "Noeru, if he doesn't want to get into it, he doesn't have to- oh my god."

Having recruited Orluthe, the party heads back to Looseleaf's dorm to ask Oyobi about the Martial Arts students- maybe she has some idea as to who would make a good candidate for the trip!

(This isn't me foisting her on the players, though I did suggest it- after the party of two squishies got wiped in the first encounter, I offered them the chance to put together two NPCs who they'd get to control in combat. Their character sheets were more or less created by the players, and I matched their mechanical requirements to NPCs. We may end up having multiple characters per PC, later- this is sort of a trial run.)

With a cleric(?) and a ranger on the team, plus whatever Vayen is that he won't tell them, they're feeling ready to hit the road- right after a shopping trip.

Saelhen buys...

1x bag of 1000 ball bearings

1x traveler's clothes

1x hooded lantern

15x doses of insect repellent salve (much to Looseleaf's great offense)

2x uses of sealing wax

1x tinderbox

fuck it, 4x more bags of 1000 ball bearings

Zero: 'what are you going to do with five thousand ball bearings' 'when the time comes, i'll know'

Looseleaf buys...

1x pint of oil

1x bag of 1000 ball bearings also

5x healer's kits, to distribute to the party

1x pouch of various plant seeds

1x map

Notably absent is any food, since they have Oyobi in their party- she's a ranger with the Goodberry spell. (I've reflavored it to just mean she's good at foraging and always has rations on hand, because holy crap, Goodberry rules-as-written is totally worldbreaking- why would farms exist?)

During their shopping trip, Saelhen manages to get Oyobi alone, without the rest of the party. Oyobi's shtick has been fun, for her, as someone with very little regard for elven rules of politeness, but... it's still a little much. She asks Oyobi to tone it down.

Oyobi Yamatake: "I mean, I thought you had to no-sell it to keep up the fake noble act- I didn't think it was actually getting you!" "That's priceless, oh my god." "What's there to take a 'break' from, anyway? What's wrong with just living?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Primarily, the fact that I really need not to twitch in front of the Provost's silent murder goon." Saelhen jerks a thumb over her shoulder, then belatedly checks to make sure that Vayen is not in fact literally right behind her. Benedict I. (GM): Make a Perception roll? Saelhen du Fishercrown: aw, hell, he definitely is, isn't he

She rolls a 13, and no one in particular rolls a 17. So, everything is fine. They keep their voices down, anyway.

Oyobi Yamatake: "I mean, is it really a problem? Can you really not keep a straight face?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "I mean, I can." Saelhen sweeps a hand over her face and is the picture of serenity. "Why should the lady Noeru de la Surplus concern herself with small lapses such as these?" "Surely someone shall find it in their hearts to forgive all trespasses." Oyobi Yamatake: She snorts. "Okay, I get your point." "But really, don't you think it's weirder for an elven noblewoman not to react?" "You don't think he thinks it's suspicious that you take it all in stride?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "The character is admittedly kind of a freak. I'm making allowances. I mean, this is fun and all, but if no one sees through the bit at all and I'm stuck in it long-term, which it seems like I am, it's like..." "Just being back in Kanzentokai, except worse, because no one is making me." "And drow catch a lot of crap anyway. They don't need me to teach them that elves can be assholes." Oyobi Yamatake: She frowns. "You can't make me try to keep up with the rules, y'know. I'm not going to put up with that garbage ever again." "But I can tone it down with the..." "Y'know, the stuff I'm going out of my way to do, if that helps." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "The wink-and-nudge, yeah. That would help." Oyobi Yamatake: She sighs. She seems a little put out by all this, but pretty quickly puts her happy face back on.

Meanwhile, Looseleaf and Orluthe seem to have lost track of Vayen. It doesn't take them long to find out where he went (well, after Looseleaf rolls a nat 1 on investigation and accidentally pisses off an old lady she mistook for Vayen). Turns out... he's hiding behind a statue of Ccorde, spying on Saelhen and Oyobi.

Looseleaf doesn't buy his crappy excuses, but also... she isn't altogether opposed to the concept of spying on "Lady Noeru de la Surplus", who really ought to have someone keeping an eye on her. So, she just hands him a medical kit- a kit she happens to have used her animist class feature Soul Link on, so she knows where it is at all times. (She's done the same to the bracer.)

Now, with the shopping done, it's time to hit the road! They have a couple options: go on foot, or requisition some giraffes.

(In this world, they domesticated giraffes instead of horses. Why? Because it's a fantasy world and why not?)

The city's main giraffe rental is run by the Ecumene of Understanding, based out of the Temple of Andra. You can rent giraffes for free, as long as you're willing to serve as a courier for the Ecumene- their convoluted legal system requires them to send mail between cities frequently, and they've only got so many clerics on hand. So, anyone wanting to travel the roads can receive a delivery quest from the Ecumene, and rent mounts for free in exchange!

They meet with the Bishop of Understanding of Oyashio, Sarat Aerens.

Aerens has a simple request for them: in addition to visiting Thunderbrush's Temple of Andra with a mail delivery, they're to bring back a report from said temple on the whereabouts of the Siren's Arraignment, a ship that departed from Oyashio and never arrived at its next destination, Snowhold. There's suspicion that the Siren's Arraignment never departed from its supposed origin of Thunderbrush to begin with, either- so the Ecumene put some clerics on the job to investigate, and the party's job is just to relay their message.

With that, they're given giraffe passes, and directed down to the stables, where they find the stablehand, Updraft, having some difficulties.

Benedict I. (GM):There's no one at the pickup window, but there's a sparrow aarakocra just behind, trying to get a giraffe several times her height to get up and out of the damn water trough. Updraft: "...not a bath, ye stubborn git!" "Ye drink from that, lackbrains!" "Y'really want t'be tastin' yer arse?" Looseleaf: OH I CAN HELP WITH THIS FINALLY, A PLACE WHERE I CAN APPLY MY ADVANTAGE ON ANIMAL HANDLING

Looseleaf uses her Soul Read ability to tune in to the giraffe's feelings and recent history, and discovers that someone fed it a hot pepper and it's in, um, anal distress.

Orluthe volunteers to do some healing to the giraffe, with his Lay On Hands ability. Is... that a cleric thing? Do clerics do that? Probably. In this world, clerics perform magic by inviting their god directly into their mind to borrow their brainpower and work miracles directly, and it sure looks like he does that when he does his healing. He channels a god, for sure!

Benedict I. (GM): As he touches the giraffe, you see his body begin to glow, and his facial features are overlaid with another face. "...A giraffe?" "A waste, I suppose, but... perhaps it'll win us some favor." The voice he speaks in sounds more feminine, somehow.

Some religion checks reveal that this doesn't seem quite right for a cleric of Diamode, the goddess of Family. But hey, healing's healing, right?

With that, they're able to get their giraffes no problem- and next time, they'll be on the road to Thunderbrush!

[charmed-henry]

13. Write a crack!ship au for one of your characters. 

(Read more is just for length, this is just extremely fluffy so no warnings just be aware that there’s a dumb amount of fluff)

Magnets: A Phinry Story

When Henry was just about to begin his first schooling lessons and meet other children, his mother sat him down and took out a set of magnets. She had wanted to be a science teacher, in another life, before the realities of being a woman in the Order had fully descended on her and her career options narrowed for her. But Henry’s mother had still gone and purchased some of the demo items, because she liked looking at them and thought they could be useful now and then in character education.

“Now, Henry,” his mother started. “People are a little bit like magnets.”

Henry peered at the magnets closely, determined to understand his first lesson of school, even if it wouldn’t show up on his report card.

“Do you see how when you put the two plus sign sides together, they repel? And same with the two minus sign sides?” She demonstrated, trying to push the magnets together and meeting resistance. Henry reached for the magnets, determined to see for himself. He frowned. “Exactly,” Henry’s mother smiled.

She turned one of the magnets around this time, so the positive met the negative. They snapped together. “But, you see, when they’re different, they stick together.”

Henry looked up at his mother, amazed by the little miracle.

“So remember, Henry: Don’t turn your back on someone just because they are different from you.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

There was one boy in Henry’s class who clearly did not belong there. He was a first-year student, wore a sweatshirt for the business school all the time, and yet here he was in Abstract Impressionism: Understanding Pollock. He sat at the front of the class and raised his hand to ask questions that most students would never ask except maybe in their very first intro class. Basic stuff. This was an upper-level course, and if you didn’t know the things you were supposed to by now, you kept your mouth shut.

Unless you were Phineas Flynn, apparently. 

Nobody else really seemed bothered by it, though. Henry complained about Phineas to the other members of the study group-- his million questions, his know-it-all attitude despite that, what a business student could possibly be doing in a class about Jackson Pollock-- and was met with blank stares.

“Honestly, I didn’t think about it that hard, mate,” Callum shrugged, not looking up from the diagram he was labeling meticulously. 

“Yeah, he’s probably just knocking out a requirement. Every module has one like that,” Riva added, looking thoroughly done with this conversation. “Cal, can I see what you have for number four?”

So Henry stewed silently. He knew when to drop something, at least in a conversation. But Phineas just wouldn’t go away. Figuratively or literally, considering he was walking over now.

“Hey, mind if I sit here?” he said, already plopping his books down next to Henry, who was just about to protest when Riva gave him a lazy wave of acknowledgement. Well. Henry didn’t want to be the asshole here, after all.

Henry got significantly less work done that afternoon than he normally would. At first, because Phineas wouldn’t stop asking questions and cracking jokes, and then because Henry found himself actually laughing at those jokes and answering those questions, and, really, because how could he focus? It was like a magnetic force, pulling him away from the work he was supposed to be doing.

And toward Phineas.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Phineas had gotten significantly bolder since graduating from Swynlake Secondary about going after what he wanted. Life was too short, and he didn’t want to be known as that guy who pined after the same person for months. So he made himself a promise, a sort of new-school-year resolution. The minute he met someone he had a little bit of interest in, he would ask them out. If they said no, well, Phineas thought that getting used to rejection was a good life skill.

It turned out that was easier said than done, though. In his first two weeks of Pride U, he had already invited multiple people to get coffee with him, one of whom turned him down, one of whom accepted and then spent the entire time trying to recruit him to a multi-level marketing scheme, and two of whom Phineas had a great time getting coffee with, but realized he had no real romantic interest in. Casting a wide net, it turned out, was very safe. If you only considered people who didn’t really interest you, then you never got hurt.

Basically, it was like this: if you were playing Mario and you only wanted to fight the Koopas, you would never win the game.

And if those little coffee dates were Koopas, Henry Charming was Bowser.

Phineas didn’t know what it was about him. He just kept finding himself near Henry, in the library or in line at the dining hall or walking around campus. Like some force was pulling them together. He rehearsed it a few times, the way he would ask Henry out to coffee. In the mirror, and even once in front of Mei, who was a love witch after all. She had told him what he already knew, though: if he didn’t ask Henry out, he would never know. If he did and he got rejected, then he would know it was over. And if he did and Henry said yes, well, there was a whole world of possibilities. 

The Bowser comparison was apt, Phineas thought, as he walked into class that day. The whole room felt like a freaking lava planet.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

They didn’t get coffee. But they did end up at a party together, as Pride U students often do. Henry’s acapella club threw a new member recruitment event (once they abandoned the creepy-cult-ritual thing as a recruiting strategy) and Phineas, maybe in another act as part of the universe’s magnetic pull, wanted to join.

He finished one red solo cup of liquid courage and felt braver. And maybe a little queasy, because beer never really agreed with him. But it was a college party, and this was what you did at college parties.

Henry was outside, standing by himself and shivering in his polo shirt in the unusually-chilly September night. Phineas didn’t know it, but Henry was psyching himself up for the same thing Phineas was. Talking to one another.

But because Phineas was doing this new thing this year and he had to prove to himself that he could do this because he put these arbitrary markers of success on himself, he was the one who burst through the back door, quickly enough to trip over the step and go flying right at Henry. Like some force was propelling him forward.

“Blimey!” Henry exclaimed, stumbling backward as they both caught their balance. “Too much to drink already?”

“Actually, literally the perfect amount,” Phineas blurted out, before he could even stop himself. It was now or never. “Would you like to get coffee with me?”

“What?”

“Coffee. Or dinner, or lunch, or I dunno, I think some people like to go on dates in the art building if you’re into that, I suppose--”

A smile twitched at the corners of Henry’s mouth. “So this is a date.”

“...Yeah,” Phineas said hesitantly. Oh god. Code Red. Abandon ship. This was it. This was exactly what he had feared. The word vomit started and he couldn’t stop it. “I just thought, you know, we really hit it off, but obviously, if you didn’t get the same vibe, that’s totally fine, like, you know what? Actually, I’ll just go.”

Phineas started to walk away, but before he could, Henry grabbed his hand. “Wait!” he said. And it felt like more than a magnet meeting its match; it was more like an electric conductor. Phineas froze and turned around.

“I’d like that.”

And then there was a pause, and they looked at each other for a long time, and then, like some kind of magnetic force took over both of them, they were somehow pulled toward one another in a kiss.

[migleefulmoments]

How they make up a whole story to criticize Mia with 10 seconds?? Again, I don't know why I'm surprised, they've doing it for 10 years. But their imagination is getting wild, they're unhinged. I don't know how they can't see they're full of bullshit and they're making lies of everything.

It feels to me that the behavior is getting worse- it’s more intense and the lies are getting more consistent and more outrageous. They have moved from being focused on Criss and Colfer to focusing on Mia but Mia doesn't have a social media presence they can access regularly so they end up having to fill in a lot of blanks and over time she gets bolder and bolder about what she is willing to fabricate. I also think she just living more within the fantasy then she used to be. Obviously, nothing is going her way as Chris and Darren have no relationship and reblogging gifs from 6+ years ago has lost its luster -though they still do it.   She admits she is in a constant state of anxiety, that she doesn’t sleep, and that she is very angry-at times she mentions she’s “shaking with rage”. We know she checks Tumbler and blogs in the middle of the night and she spends all her waking hours stalking and blogging. She has doubled down on her fantasy and that includes writing richly detailed backstories to simple photographs which she then she fully buys into and believes. Just read any of her posts where she provides her “evidence cc is real”, they come off as silly and insignificant but she’s dead serious. She brings up the same “facts” over and over; each one is trivial and proves nothing but also has been proven untrue. She has no concern over truth-whatever proves shes’ right is repeated over and over. 

This from Oct 22 is a good example

ajw720. Having watched a lot of the footage from Sunday, it is clear to me D was uncomfortable and on edge. It is possible it is because it is his first big movie and the company he is keeping. But he had no issues with standing next to P/enelope or R/icky and bantering with them and enjoying himself to the maximum. (What is “a lot” of footage? Total problem less than a minute of Darren’s day and he wasn’t uncomfortable and on edge because of Mia. He was promoting a movie that he was barely in, with a cast that he barely worked with if at all. I’m sure if he was nervous it was because he was unsure of his place and trying to be engaged but not an attention hog.) 

Add that photo with M. he did not even try, it is so clear his tolerance level has been well exceeded and I would add that she was not happy based on the clips of her lurking on the RC during the live-stream not looking happy. (Here she is reading way too much into a simple photo. It is NOT possible to know how someone is feeling from a photo and Abby has proven she can’t read emotions on faces) 

Plus we have him playing piano at the after party, which is a wonderful thing, but we know he does it as a coping mechanism and to avoid conversation. (WTAF? None of this is something “we know”.  It’s all projected and fabricated by Abby to fit her needs)

So I am asking his team and anyone else forcing this ridiculous situation.  What are you trying to achieve?  M looks like an idiot at this point, I would be mortified if I were her.  D treats her terribly and clearly is disgusted by her.  So what is it you are trying to prove?  You had to know at some point, as their relationship is unhealthy and utterly contentious, it would be near impossible to sell it.  And make no mistake, her 10 stans may not want to let go, but they know it is off.  And the wedding didn’t help, it hurt.  (Darren treats her terribly? What a horrible thing to say about the man you love. I never understand why she prefers to believe he’s an asshole rather than believe he’s straight. I love the tragedy of insisting we know she’s right-that’s always a standard for a narcissist Trump does that a lot as well). 

So can we be done now?  I know I have asked this repeatedly, but this makes absolutely no sense. D looks less and less straight every minute he is forced to spend with her. If that were the goal (and i don’t think it is), you would be so much better cutting your losses, separating them, and getting him a new beard he actually likes and that doesn’t repel him when they touch.  However I don’t think this has anything to do with him being straight. Straight is just how you control him. (He “looks less straight”? How does one “look straight” or “look gay”. Why would he need a new beard? According to Abby, he’s proud to be gay and ready and anxious to come out so there would be no need for beard.)  

When is enough enough?  How much longer will you torture him and steal from him?  How do you sleep at night?  I really wonder. (Oh such drama- she is fully behind the story she’s woven and the emotions are real). 

September 2

I don’t think I’ll surprise anyone by saying I’ve been struggling since the sham mockery. I never thought he’d go there and it hit me hard. It physically pains me that this was ever allowed to spin so out of control. That ring hurts my eyes. And I’ve often questioned the motive. The why. I want to believe in him. They’ve made it hard. And no question, that was their intent.

And here we are almost 7 months later. And I’m going on record. I’m proud of our boy. Everyday it’s becoming more and more clear. I don’t think there was a choice. Well at least one that was not dangerous to d or someone he loved. He swallowed his pride and he did the needful. And now I think we are watching him execute a plan conceived with C. He’s using the enablers. Bravo. He set certain people to look like her friend, when in reality I’m confident she (yes one person in particular) is completely team d working with him and c. He’s making strides to pay off his “debts.” Everything this year seems so odd except when looked at critically, it is clear it’s deliberate.

I wondered if c&d could withstand this. And now I’ve never been more sure. Not only are they together. I think stronger than ever.

So I’m gonna fight. I’m staying right where I am. I expect this to get really, really ugly yet. I’m sure there are more tears. More curses. More screams. But I will see him win.

Or one of her “lists” of nonsense “proof”

How do they believe after multiple encagement rings?  He said during season 6 of g/lee he had never committed to anything longer, not even a relationship. He has said on camera “I’m gay.”  They don’t know when or how they met.  B/en lived with them for FOUR years. There are so many videos of him running away from her (the bts is gold).  He talks about going to see F/rozen with more enthusiasm than he does about his marriage.  He sold his wedding to 100 sponsors.  

There is so much, I could go on and on and on and on and on. I do not understand how ANYONE could believe.  I truly do not.  And it has only gotten worse after the sham mockery. 

[leaa-drws]

Numinous / Calum Hood A.U. / Ch. 1

/ Numinous ~ Describing an experience that makes you fearful yet fascinated, awed yet attracted. /

~2.8k words

“So I get into the bedroom and,” she takes a deep breathe trying to calm herself before continuing,  “I already knew something was off before, and then…in our bed…he…I can’t even say his name anymore…he is such an…I don’t even know…”, the calming effect of oxygen doesn’t last and she goes back to sobbing, clutching a nearly empty beer bottle in her shaking hand.

“You don’t have to Suze, he doesn’t deserve you calling him anything but Dickhead anyway.” Jamie takes the crying mess of a beautiful young woman into her arms, slowly rubbing her back whilst somehow managing to look both terrifyingly angry and motherly concerned at the same time.

“Fucking asshole is an option as well”, I contribute, probably wearing the same expression on my face, “or Bastard, Fucktward, son of a Bitch, the list goes on.”

As Suzanne just continues crying, Jamie’s facial expression starts to lean more and more in the direction of furious.

“You want us to do something?”, she asks giving the impression of wanting to rip both of Deans balls off whilst screaming obscene things at him.

I would have laughed at the idea, since my cute, petite friend was anything but a fighting machine, but because Suze was one of the sweetest creatures on this earth and this asshole shattered her heart, I couldn’t help but wanting to do just the same.

Still having her head buried in the Jamies shoulder, Suze whispers between hiccups and sobbing sounds, “You couldn’t do anything if you tried, you’re far too small for that.”.

“Hey, not my fault both of you are such giants!” the addressed exclaims, looking at me in relieve that our best friend was back to at least murmuring insults, after the last half an hour of going back and forth between shaking from crying so hard, and trying to tell the story of her boyfriend cheating on her.

Whilst Suze slowly lifts her head, taking a sip of her beer and brushing one light pink colored strand of hair behind her pierced ear, she glances at me, then at the now empty bottle of beer in her hand.

“Well, there is something you could do…”

“Already on it. Another beer?”, I ask wiggling past our bags to leave our booth.

“Nah, done with crying, done with beer. I’m gonna get drunk. Bring the tequila.”, she whispers, her voice still shaky, but seeming motivated to forget.

“Well, when the queen speaks, who am I to object?”, I laugh, happy that we are out of the crying zone for now, since Dean doesn’t deserve even one of the tears, she shed for him.

As my two best friends start a conversation about all things shitty in life, I make my way through the packed bar to get our drinks.

I was just trying to get around a heavily making out couple without disturbing them when my eyes made contact with the ones of one of the regulars, who was standing at the bar, as always, talking to some female, as always. The flavor of the day was tall, brunette and looked more than just amazing.

I can’t stop me, I shoot her a slightly repelled look, not getting why she would be with him since she doesn’t only look gorgeous but nice as well. He smiles at something she said, but in the moment he sees my judging gaze land on his company, his eyebrows furrow and his facial expression changes to nearly, no that’s not possible, to nearly protective.

It does not fit the image I have of him in my head.

We, Jamie, Suze and I, always saw him whenever we were here and since we were always here, we saw him a lot. But not one of our trio had ever talked to him, mostly because he was only here to pick up woman like Mrs. Supermodel and seemed like a major asshole for that reason.

That didn’t change the fact that the man got good genes though. There is hot and then there is scorching, burn-the-house-down hot.

I mean I kinda get the women getting it on with him, he’s got the kind of presence, that could fill any room and that just tells you that the sex would be borderline amazing. He also seems very intense. And sometimes a little scary.

Remembering Jamies a little too loud, a little too drunk words: “He’s like that blonde, manwhore one from How I met your mother only worse, a thousand times hotter and with enough sex appeal to set a girl on fire by looking at her for just a second to long.”, I realize I always thought she was nuts. Barney Stinson was a character to laugh at and you don’t laugh at a man that radiances that kind of power and confidence. But the nickname stuck.

The tall, dark haired male directs his gaze back to the woman, again laughing at something she said, and I finally get around the couple to the bartender.

I nod to Nico, who finishes the drink of another costumer and wants to know what he could get for us.

“Are we still at the good old beer?”

“Nah, Suze wants to forget.”

“That boyfriend of hers?”

“Yeah.”

“Knew he was trouble.”

“Me too. Wished I was wrong though.”

“Couldn’t agree more. You’re gonna get your tequila in just a sec.”

Uttering a thank you, I enjoy the music playing in the bar and let my eyes wander over all the other college students that are happy to have finished exam season. We would have been celebrating as well, but sometimes life’s just a bitch. Or douchebag-boyfriends for that matter.

To my right some regular is nursing a beer when I hear a female voice whispering rather loudly and drunk how she would go and freshen up and then they’d go somewhere else because she was “horny as a squirrel”, whatever that’s supposed to mean.

I turn towards the voice, seeing the hips of the brunette I saw with “Hot Barney” swaying slightly whilst walking in the direction of the toilets.

He stands next to me at the bar now having his eyes fixed on a petite, beautiful, asian features sporting woman that just walked into the establishment laughing at something her friend said.

As soon as the friend turns away, trying to find a table in the packed room, the woman turns towards the Bar. In the moment she makes eye contact with him she starts blushing and it doesn’t exactly go away when she makes her way over and the man inquires if she was here with her boyfriend. Confused I listen to the starting conversation. What about the Supermodel?

At the intimidating man’s question the new girl giggles that she doesn’t have a boyfriend and reverses the question.

“No, am on my own tonight. Wouldn’t have any objections against keeping you company though.”, his deep voice rumbles.

I’ve seen him around lots, but I’ve only ever heard him talk once or twice. He had a kind of rough, very deep voice, sounding like pure sin.

For a moment, just listening to him, I could understand the fascination he sparks in the women he picks up. But I am not a toy and I would never let myself be treated like one again, so sorry Barney, you’re missing out.

The flirting next to me continues and as it gets obvious, that the man took interest in both women I get mad. My best friend is sitting here, bawling her eyes out because of her boyfriend cheating on her and here’s just another asshole playing with girls like they exist for that pure reason.

I turn to the coquetry laughing woman and the man that looks forbiddingly handsome and in a moment of rage and weakness, I lean over ever so slightly, just enough to catch the attention of the female and say, in a calm voice: “He’s got a wife. Plus, he’s really bad in bed. Like you’ll fall asleep when he goes down on you and only stay awake when you fuck because he is screaming for his momma so loud. I don’t even wanna know what kinda issues he’s gotta have to do that. So…being the side chick, even for one night, won’t even remotely pay off.”

The girl’s eyes went wider and wider as I continued talking and when I stopped, she looked at both me and Hot Barney with the most horrified expression.

“I am not a side chick.”, she declares, looking worried. I wouldn’t have believed the other part of my story either, the man screamed sex, but even I would have assumed that that great piece of ass was of the table if I didn’t know of his Barney-ways.

“I know girl, I know. Better make your way outta here, before the wife turns up though.” When I respond I try to lace my voice with an understanding tone.

The woman turns and leaves, head held high, mad but somehow looking ashamed by what possibly could have happened. The moment I turn to Hot Barney I know I did the right thing, but I also know that I am in trouble.

The man is standing in front of me, controlled but discontent, the heat he radiates feels scorching on my skin. Although I am slightly scared, I can’t help but getting mad at my traitorous body who is awakening under the concentrated attention of such a perfectly build, utterly masculine human being.

Slowly I swallow, not being able to do anything but averting my eyes from his chest and looking upwards into his dark eyes.

For a brief moment I realize that this is the first time, that I am able to perceive his eye colour and somehow, just for a fraction of a second, I find myself surprised at the warmth that I am sure the colour might be able to hold.

But the moment goes by and the eyes stay hard and so dark they seem black.

“I really don’t know why guys always go for the dumb ones. Like I could be a jealous ex-girlfriend for all she knows and just be talking shit.” I start rambling, trying to get the emotion that is radiating of Hot Barney to lessen and my reaction to subside.

“What the fuck do you think you are doing?”, his voice was raspy and felt like a warning although he spoke perfectly calm. Calm and very slowly. Yeah. Definitely not even on the same scale of intensity as Barney Stinson.

Although my body feels like squirming under the gaze, that could be promising so many things in another situation, as other beings, I hold onto my exasperation as well as the eye contact and respond with a voice not laced but drained in angered emotions: “I could reverse the question, but it seems like the answer to that is pretty darn obvious!”

“We were just talking. How about you calm the fuck down woman?”, despite the use of swearwords, his tone didn’t change by even one octave.

Now my anger is so much stronger than whatever sexual attraction there has been, “So was I. Sometimes “just talking” just isn’t that nice, is it? And I will calm the fuck down whenever I want to, thank you very much.”

“How about you share your damn problem?”, the warning gets more and more prominent, his voice even deeper, but both volume and pace stay all the same.

“You are just an asshole, that’s my problem!”, I exclaim at the lack of better words, channeling all my rage regarding Dean and what he did to Suze towards the man that now looks slightly amused, the anger vanished in seconds.

Which to my disadvantage only makes him more attractive. And me once again angrier. Why the fuck was he laughing at me?

“So, doll, I’m an asshole, hm?”, he asked, lightly crooking one eyebrow, a slight twinkle in the now lighter, more golden brown than black seeming eyes. His lips formed a small smile when he heard my outburst. “What about you? What are you? You come over here, obviously not having a great day from the start, look disgusted at my sister and stop me when I talk to a beautiful woman, then you continue to rant, calling my choice of female stupid and me an ass, when I haven’t done anything wrong.”

Sister. The Supermodel. Fuck my life. I am such an idiot. Of course. Good looks had to run in the family.

As he sees the realisation taking place he lightly leans against the bar, propping one leather jacket clad arm on it. His hand, chunky rings on his fingers, hangs relaxed from the wooden countertop.

My eyes direct their gaze towards the floor, the discomfort probably evident on my hot feeling face. Like oh-so-often in my life I am thankful for being born without red cheeks.

“Yeah”, now my voice is small, “You know about what I said earlier, I have to apologize. It just looked different to me and I don’t know, I guess I jumped to conclusions since I see you around a lot, and well, judged based on that. I really am sorry, it’s been a hell of a day, but I know that’s no excuse. Plus, even if you were being an ass, it’s not my place to criticise.”

When I finish talking my eyes can’t help but watching his reaction.

For a moment he looks taken aback, maybe by my honesty, maybe by the image people have of him, I have of him. Quickly I push that thought aside, why would it matter to him what anyone here thought, especially what I thought?

Then he is back into character: “It’s alright, doll. Don’t ever confuse Mali Koa with the chicks I take home though. Who, to make that clear are well aware that I am here a lot, what that means and who they are to me. Might be a dick, but I am not that big of a fucking ass. You get me?”

“Yes”, I say, feeling the weird need to answer, “I get you. And it really is none of my business, once again I am very sorry. I’ll let you continue now, have a nice evening.”, I turn around, not caring about the drinks, just feeling horribly embarrassed.

“Wait.”, the deep voice pulls me back, as if it was physically keeping me, “Your girl. The one crying. S she the reason for your temper? She alright?”

“Sure, she’s gonna be fine.”, I reply, a little taken aback by the change of topic.

“Got anything to do with her man? He treated her wrong?”, at my confused face when I turn back around he smiles tightly, “See you around a lot too doll and that guy of hers, he’s no good.”

“Exguy”, I correct him, almost automatically.

“Exguy.”, the man nods, his face serious. His gaze lands on me again, “Truth, doll, she alright?”

Somehow, I feel myself unable to lie, “No, not right now. But she will be.”

“He hurt her?”

When I don’t answer directly, thinking about how the question was meant and how I got in this situation, he looks at me, his eyes stern, “Doll, it’s a yes or no question. Did he lay hand on her?”. Although his eyes are serious his tone changed, he sounded softer, like he tried to make this easier for me.

“No, he didn’t. He didn’t touch her.”, I answer, as confused by the sense of safety the unknown man gives me as by the interest he shows.

“Good. You’d tell someone if he did, right? You’d tell a friend, someone that deals with him.”

“Ok”, I can’t help but answer.

“Good,”, he repeats, “this ‘s important to me doll.”

“Why?”,

“Just don’t like women treated badly. You? From what I’ve seen whenever you’re here? Seem like a darn good woman. Your girl? Good enough for you to act that emotional? Gotta be good too.”

“She is. They both are.”

He nods again, his gaze serious. “You take care of both of them.”

“I will.”, my voice is soft now, this feels like it really is important to him and although I don’t understand why, I want to give him what he needs in that moment.

“Take care of you too. That mad because of what happened to her? Don’t care what you said to me, you feel that passionate about a friend, you let it out. ‘Respect that.”

“I will.” I repeat, my voice soft again, his praise, for some odd reason, feeling warm in my body.

“Good. I’ll see you around.”

“Ok”

“We’ll talk.”

“Ok”, I say, not wanting to move quiet yet but not knowing why either.

“Get back to your table, doll. Your friend needs you.”

“Ok”, as I take my drinks, that Nico must have set behind us sometime before, and turn around I hear his voice call me back once more.

“Name’s Calum. Not Hot Barney. Don’t even fucking like the show. Need to stop calling me that.”

“Ok” I repeat, the last thing I say before I return to our booth, hearing how the sister returns from the bathroom drunkenly and giggly asking if Calum was ready to go to find a guy for her, listening to how his deep voice counters with the plan of going home and letting her sleep it off.

Calum.

It’s a good name, I decide.

Intense.

Fitting.

[thegreenmeridian]

Tagged by @randomingoftherandomness

1. Favorite OC to write?

The twat in the bar in A Discreet Evening, was exceedingly fun to write

2. Dialogue or Descriptions?

Both! And internal monologues! Pretty much all of my stuff happens because a few sentences or a vague idea pops into my head, there’s rarely any planning whatsoever. So pretty much whatever springs to mind, whatever form it may take.

3. Favorite plot twist?

Hmmmmmmm. Shit, I do not consume enough pure fiction, practically everything I’m into is either non-fiction or dramatised history like Chernobyl. Lemme think...

Ok so like the entirety of The Leftovers is good for plot twists and turns and just... shit, if you haven’t watched it, you fucking well should because it’s divine.

I don’t know if it counts as a plot twist per se but Bill’s family storyline in the latest season of Mindhunter blew me away.

Young me was very excited by the whole Snape thing in Harry Potter and honestly I still have a soft spot for that (and an incurable Snarry habit) so that counts.

Also I watched the first season of Wayward Pines (really need to read the books) a ways back and I was hella fucking hooked on that. That whole story was just damn excellent.

4. Favorite Cliche?

Big fan of James Fitzjames style “asshole turns out to actually be vulnerable and sad”, especially if it includes the asshole bonding heavily with a former adversary.

5. Favorite season?

Summer in Iceland, so I can go hiking up mountains without the risk of dying in a storm, and autumn/winter everywhere else. I feel the heat really badly and I have really bad hyperhidrosis on my back and my head so me and summer do not get on. Plus mosquito bites swell up to a minimum of golf ball size on me and repellent doesn’t seem to work for me so yeah. At one point in Ukraine I got 73 bites over three days and my foot swelled up so much my course director was convinced I’d been bitten by a snake.

6. Writing by hand or on a computer/phone?

Phone all the way. I seem to be able to keep track of what I’m writing better on a smaller screen. Plus my laptop is old and primarily used for my aggressive hoarding of music.

7. Music while writing?

Nope! I get a really big autistic thing going with music and I can’t concentrate on anything BUT music if I’m listening to it, so it’s not helpful for writing.

8. Weirdest thing you’ve ever been inspired by?

My hot Ukrainian friend constantly wearing trousers that had a very “Jared Harris” effect whenever he sat down. Or when he walked. Hnnnnng.

9. Biggest no-no for a book? What will immediately make you put the book down if you see it?

So I mostly read non-fiction. Generally about 20th century history. The last two books I gave up on, it was because the authors were weirdly smug and patronising about the subject. Like, one approached the topic of Ukrainian history as “look at these backwater Eastern Europeans, everything they think is culturally important to them is stupid and they only like it because they haven’t got actual cool stuff like Russia and Western Europe”. So yeah, that went right in the trash. Normally I leave books I’m done with in the take-a-book-leave-a-book thing at the supermarket but that one was undeserving of finding a new home.

10. What titles grab your attention in bookstores?

Like I said, I mostly read books about history. So it could be anything really. Normally I just scan the shelves and yank things at random. I also bought some Ukrainian books for 8 year olds to translate for language learning purposes and one of those I just chose because it was called ‘Moose’ and it had a picture of a moose on it. Haven’t tackled it yet, fuck knows what it’s about.

11. Can you describe the color purple in one sentence?

Bruised eyes from lack of sleep.

Edit: shit, forgot to tag people! So... @az-5-elimgarak @boisinberryjamarama @johnlockismyreligion @fmasha-l @gwinny3k @elenatria @anyone who wants a go

[ayearofpike]

Spooksville #12: The Hidden Beast

Pocket Books, 1996 120 pages, 10 chapters ISBN 0-671-55073-X LOC: CPB Box no. 342 (Stored at Landover) OCLC: 35300821 Released September 1, 1996 (per B&N)

Bryce Poole has finally come to the Spook Squad for help. His cousin Leah has come into a treasure map and needs some help understanding it, and if Bryce can't do it he knows someone who can. The gang still doesn't quite trust him, but they soften their stance when Leah offers them half of what they find. But ... maybe they should have stuck with their instincts, they realize, when Leah takes off with the treasure and two of the kids get stuck in a cave with an angry dragon.

I know, I know. You're wondering the same thing I was: do these assholes ever have to go to school? As it turns out, this has been one summer so far, with an adventure every week on average. With only a couple of days until school starts, the gang is itching for something else to do, and Bryce knows it. He catches them at the donut shop and entices them with the promise of wealth beyond imagining. His cousin Leah is just outside with a map that could lead them to treasure, but the map and its instructions are hidden behind a riddle that neither she nor Bryce has been able to solve.

Sally has done a 180 on Bryce Poole since he almost got her killed in the ancient past, and so she doesn't want anything to do with it. Adam and Watch are mostly of the same mind, but all it takes is the offer to split the riches for them to agree that it couldn't hurt to look. So Leah comes in, and of course she's a beautiful teenager who makes Cindy jealous even though she's five years older. She shows them the map and the riddle, which takes Watch about five minutes to figure out: they have to go to this set of unusually sharp hills deep in the mountains and wait for Venus at its apogee to cast a shadow on the tallest and narrowest peak that will reveal a door, where there are speaking crystals guarded by an ancient pet, whatever that means. Leah is thankful but not excited, somehow, and they determine to set out that day, as tomorrow morning Venus will be at its highest and brightest, with no moon.

So Leah gets ahold of a truck and the kids ride out as far as they can before they have to start hiking. (There is a token mention of getting parental permission to camp that night, in case you were worried.) Watch knows it's solidly six hours to the mountain, and they make it four before dark, when they have to make camp at a pond fed by a spring that literally sprays out of the cliff wall. This far from civilization, though, they'll have to consider wild animals, especially in Spooksville. No problem, Watch says: the fire should keep them away, and he'll set an alarm so he can get up and feed it. Leah wants to know what time Watch will be getting up, just out of curiosity.

Or so she says. Next thing Adam knows, Watch is shaking him awake. Leah is gone, no doubt ahead on the path so she can stiff the kids and abandon them in the mountains. Bryce is still there, but that proves nothing because they could have coordinated it ahead of time. They decide to try and catch her, and they've been around the girls long enough that they know not to leave them behind like chauvinist dickholes. Bryce comes, too, and they eventually make it to the mountain, where there's a ledge near the top fronted by a polished statue that has a small hole in it, blocked by another rock. When they remove the rock, Venus shines through the hole and onto the cliff wall behind it — and the perfect circle cast by the light of the planet reveals a door that swings open into the mountain.

This peak being so tall and narrow, of course all they see inside is a staircase. They make their way to the bottom, where there's a pool of water and a flicker of light in the distance. They follow it, but pretty quickly they hear a rumbling, rasping sound. Kind of like some enormous creature breathing. Fortunately, there's enough room to quietly edge around it, and right behind it is the promised treasure room, full of gold coins and gemstones and jewels. But in the middle of it all are four silver stands, two of which are topped with gigantic quartz crystals. These must be the stones alluded to in the riddle, and obviously Leah has already been here and taken two of them. Sally goes to pick up another — and holy crap the giant monster in the other room starts waking up. She puts it back, and the thing falls asleep, and they get past again and run for it.

Only not fast enough. The sun is starting to rise outside, and the door is closing. Bryce and Sally get there first, and slow it down enough for Adam to squeeze out, but Watch and Cindy are too slow. The door actually catches Adam's jacket before it turns back into solid rock, leaving him no choice but to shrug out of it. So now what? Venus isn't up again until tomorrow morning, and it might not even work again. All they can do is try to chase Leah down so they're not trapped in the mountains, and try to figure out where another entrance to the cave might be so they can go back for their friends.

Cindy and Watch have no choice, meanwhile, but to go back down the stairs and get a drink from the pool. While they're down there, they hear the thing wake up and go into its treasure room — and roar with rage. As they're scrambling to get away from it, it hears them, but they manage to get far enough up the tunnel to be safe from its fire breath. It's then that Watch recognizes what the beast is, and figures it's smart enough that he can try to reason with it. He yells down that they don't have the crystals, and the dragon responds by trying to convince them to come talk to it so she (yeah, they determine the dragon is a she) can get her property back. But Watch knows she's just trying to get a meal, and holds Cindy back from the dragon's hypnotic effects. This only makes her mad, though, and she squeezes enough info out of them to know that some girl named Leah is out there with her crystals and there's a town called Spooksville that she can lay waste to until she gets them back.

She leaves the cave (not the way the two kids trapped inside are hiding; it's too small for a dragon) and chases down Adam, Sally, and Bryce, who have had no luck finding Leah. She corners them in another cave and tries to get more info from them, and when all three of the kids are stronger-willed than Cindy she attempts to turn the cave into an oven. Fortunately, Sally has a heat-repellent tent in her bag, which saves the kids from slow-roasting. The dragon takes off, and they have to think of some way to slow her down. What if they could raft down a river and get to Spooksville before her, to warn the people? As it happens, Bryce has a raft stashed up here in the mountains, along with an emergency cell phone that he can use to warn Leah. But she doesn't want to hear it, and hangs up on her cousin.

Meanwhile, Watch and Cindy aren't getting any safer staying in the cave. They decide to explore the opposite direction and find OH HOLY GOD ANOTHER DRAGON. But this one is a kid, and interested in getting to know humans rather than eating them. He tells them that his mom uses the crystals to talk to dragons on other planets, which makes them realize they can try to call Leah on them. Of course, she hangs up the crystal on them too, however one does that, so the only recourse is to ask Little Dragon to fly them out of the cave and to go find her before his mom does. There's just one problem: Little Dragon is afraid of heights.

Rafting down the river, Sally has a brainstorm: there's a rocky outcropping near the power plant outside town that, if painted gold, might get a dragon's attention. While she was investigating, they could shoot down the power lines and stun her for a little while, maybe even long enough to get Leah to give back the crystals. Bryce apparently has gold paint stashed nearby, as well as a hunting rifle, and they set up their trap. Sure enough, Mama Dragon comes swooping down and they manage to knock her out. But OH FUCK HERE COMES ANOTHER DRAGON.

And this is the first time I'm really bugged by Pike's storytelling in the Spooksville series. Because Little Dragon has not only Watch and Cindy, but also Leah on his back. He has persuaded Leah to return the speaking crystals, and given her a handful of diamonds in thanks. But Pike just TELLS us this. As every storyteller has heard at some point in their craft, showing an audience what happened is much more effective than telling them. We're just expected to believe that a sociopath who would abandon five twelve-year-olds (one of them RELATED TO HER) in the mountains is happy to return this priceless treasure to an animal. PLUS: what happened to the fact that Little Dragon was afraid to fly? It's never mentioned again. Apparently he was totally cool with this crippling, paralyzing fear to help some humans he literally just met. My suspicion is that Pike got to this point and realized he was running up against a page limit for the series and had to cut a whole bunch. But it makes the story fall flat at the end. Like: did the kids actually HAVE to electrocute a dragon if Little Ex Machina was gonna show up and make her calm immediately? Get your ass to rewrites.

So that's The Hidden Beast, and with that we are halfway through Spooksville. There are a few untied ends that still have to be looped back, and maybe Pike is starting to do that. We still don't know very much about Watch, except that he's starting to be willing to open up to Cindy but he's not totally ready yet. But check out that next book title: I expect we're going to start school pretty soon, and school in Spooksville will be just as screwed up as the rest of the town.

[seenashwrite]

And..... and..... and you know what *else*? About the Mickey Dean thing? (🎵 ba-da-ba-ba-bah, I’m fixin’ it🎵)

Lookit, I’ve talked about band-aids for the finale HERE and HERE and HERE, but now lemme have a crack at just flipping it. Let’s just flip it entirely, see if it pumps up the volume, as it were, and I’ll even keep the Mickey Dean  possessing somebody* [ed: because wine, carry on] thing in there even though it was predictable. Because I’m a-feared this is shaping up to be Demon Dean, Part Two: The Wank Beneath My Wings (alt title - Redneck Neo: Twilight, Part Snooze), ‘cause it’s Dean’s body with some suspect issues brewin’, again. And he’s done run off. Again. Leaving Sam and Cas to (undoubtedly) go looking for him. Again.

So, picture it: Sicily, 1922. A young Sophia Petrillo walks in---- No, that’s... sorry, wrong story. But 1922, hey, sure. Picture it: Jersey, USA, looking suspiciously like Vancouver, 1922: Mickey Dean’s all up in some Prohibition nonsense, he’s rum running out of this swank bar called “Sammy’s”, he’s dressed to the nines, and Tom Hardy and Steve Buscemi walk in, and-----

Ha. Nah.

Here it is: We’ve done the whole Dean is an actual demon thing, so wouldn’t it have been a nice role-reversal to have Sam be the one to have the whole “you’re the engine, but I’m the driver” scenario? So let’s have Dean be the one that ends up with Jack-in-the-Blecchh and Lu-Lu at yon chapel, it follows since he’s the one who had the moment with the kid post-naptime. 

Back at bunktown, Sam’s all “Check it, Mickey: I know I’m not the ideal vessel, that Dean is, but I’m a hot second ‘cause DNA and shit. It’ll take. Trust. It’s also possible that I wanna stick it to Luci even more than you do. At minimum, we can agree he’s a garbage roommate.

Bonus? What I *am *is *his* ideal vessel - he only got to hitch a ride in me this one time because of coercion. Can you imagine how much it’s gonna throw him off his game to have me - not you, but me, with your mojo - bopping up in there, droppin’ serious wangs, and him knowing it’s because I chose to do it? I am MOTIVATED TO HAND HIM HIS ASS, you have NO IDEA.

Plus, here’s my resume, I’ve played host to an angel who needed some time to get his groove back before, though you may wanna know that I drove the motherfucker out when he didn’t pay his rent. I was also able to push through Luci’s control, and I tell you this because the whole puppy dog thing’s just my shtick, I’m a beast, I put demon blood in my smoothies and can mainline grace like rehab veteran. We’ll pick up on this whole apocalypto hard-on you’ve got later. Right now, let’s roll.”

Yes, that’s the exact dialogue. [whispers: I’m kidding]

We then get to see the Sam version of Demon Dean, is what I’m getting at. Let him do the leaving, after having Michael, as he starts to get his sea legs (wangs, gracejuice, whatevs) back, start being this insidious parasite, creeping into Sam over a handful of eps, being brutally honest a la Soulless Sam, particularly ripping Mary a new one over WHY THE FUCK WHEN YOU KNEW WHAT WAS COMING AND HAD A HUNTER’S KNOWLEDGE NOT WARD THE SHIT OUT OF THE HOUSE AND TATTOO DEMON REPELLENT THINGIES ON MINE AND DEAN’S ASSES AND AT LEAST *TRY* TO WASTE OL’ PISS EYES

[Yes, it is the hill I continue to die on, it is my Golgotha, I have *reams* of notes for my big dog story to deal with it, I’m right and you know it, come at me brah]

Is it re-hashing to a degree? Totes. But parallels blah blah biscuits and all that literary jazz. But it would’ve been sooooo satisfying, even though Luci ain’t dead - oh yeah, I had a thought on that, too - to have seen them battle royale it, and JP does a fine job in his role, but that sumbitch *shines* when he plays nasty assholes, I find his acting skills rise exponentially when they don’t have him being all sad sack puss-puss aw shucks. Let the man stretch his wings. LITERALLY.

They gotta scrub the writing outhouse and get the stink off the show but, as always, Dabb?

This post was sponsored by wine in a solo cup #not a sponsor     

#I fix scripts #Nash Plots don’t jam #Mickey Dean #there’s so many Happy Meal jokes #and so little time #I’ve already written y’all a season #I’m writing you another one #I’ll pimp it soon #gettin’ my marketing together #you’ll dig it