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madwcman · 6 months ago

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Mess It Up

wc: 1.2k | miu masterlist

cw: second chance romance, shy! reader, plus! size reader, implied (?) anxiety and mother issues

“I keep thinking maybe if you let me back in, we can make it better, breaking every habit.”

You currently have two problems at the moment. One, you’re late to meet your friends and two, your jeans don’t seem to fit right today. Standing in the mirror you couldn’t help but glare at yourself. Something was off. your jeans felt too tight around your waist. It made you uncomfortable. You know it’s your mind tricking you but you can’t seem to get rid of that voice in your head. You have to think of a solution fast.

You couldn’t help but sigh, as you were rushing out of your apartment, in your uncomfortable jeans to meet Mary ; Lily ; Lily's new boyfriend and new boyfriend’s friends. You were nervous to say the least. You hated meeting new people. You hated speaking. Each time You spoke You felt clumsy and awkward with your words. you can’t help but fell a little sad. You used to know how to speak with your mind when you were seventeen, but now at the age of twenty you think all you can utter is stiff and unbearable small talk.

But you had a little hope. You have Mary to buffer off of today. Mary loves to talk. And you were forever grateful for that. That means you won’t have to say much today. Hell Mary might even introduce you to Lily's new boyfriend and his friends for you! In fact you’re counting on it.

Stomach queasy, jeans tight around your chubby stomach, and mind screaming for you to turn around and leave. You open the door to the pub, nose twitching to the smell of greasy foods and cheap beer. But you smile, though this place reeked; it was one of your favorite spots to meet with Lily and Mary. You have so many memories here.

“Y/n! Over here!” your eyes glanced over to your friend, Mary, who is not at your regular table. she sits at a slightly larger table. Although you’re still feeling nervous you can’t help but smile at the dark haired girl who’s slightly standing with her hand raised high, waving at you to join her. You wave to Mary as you walk over.

“You look great!” Mary stands, wrapping her arms around you. Hugging you tightly. you always seem to calm around Mary. You don't feel as jumpy from when you walked it.

“You too!” you try to smile, with your mouth open showing your teeth. Showing you’re very happy to be there, but somehow it always feels awkward. Unnatural in a way. You smile again, this time mouth closed but your smile is wide. Though you were dreading coming today, you already feel it’ll be okay.

“Hey!” you and mary turn to look at your third friend, rushing up to greet her.

Lily smiles, her eyes crinkle. you’ve always found Lily beautiful. Her body has always been nicely curved, skin freckled, loose curly hair that was a nice shade of red and beautiful green eyes that always stood out. Lily always looked lovely. “This is James.”

Letting go of Lily, you turn your head over to your friend's new boyfriend. James was tall. He was a few inches taller than Mary who stood at five-eight. He had to be at least six feet tall. His complexion was bronze and glowly, his smile was bright. It was contagious. His hair was dark, wild and curly. He wore something simple. A white shirt with a brown button up over it, with blue jeans. His wide rimmed glasses stood out. They fit him perfectly.

“Hello!” He smiled rather crookedly, raising his hand in hello. You decided right then and there he’d be good for Lily.

“Hi, is it just you?” Though polite, Mary couldn’t help but be blunt.

“Er- no, my mates-“ before James could finish, two more boys strolled in.

Both boys were pale and had blue eyes, the shortest of the two lad’s had a red face that looked like it came from sunburn over the summer heat, with blond hair that only slightly curled at the end. And though he had blue eyes like the other boy his was a darker blue. The taller boy clearly used sunscreen unlike the other, his skin had no signs of redness. His eyes were light blue- an almost silver like color. His hair was long, curly and dark. He was very pretty.

“I’m Sirius.” he smiles, and claps the smallest boy on his back. “This is Peter, but we call him Pete.”

“I told you to not call me that, idiot.” Peter snips at his friend, taking Sirius’ hand off his back. “I’m Peter!” he turns back to the girls, reintroducing himself.

“Where’s moony?” James looks over to his friends with a concerned look on his face.

“He’s on his wa-“

“I’m here.” Your heart dropped at the sound of the man’s voice. You turn your head and your jaw drops a little. You’d never thought you would have to run into him ever again. Remus Lupin, your once best friend, now just a stranger.

It was strange seeing Remus again. He was taller, his face and body more built and leaner than You remembered. His scars are still the same. One large and faded scar across his nose. starting from his left cheek to the right one. Another scar slightly crossing the original scar vertically on his left cheek continuing to cross over his left eye and eyebrow. He has another few small scars on his chin and lower lip. He still has his small freckles (which he desperately hated) from when he was a boy. His hair was still a chocolate brown color, the only different thing about his hair was it wasn’t just a mop of curls like the last time you saw him, his hair was shaped into a nice mod cut.

You were surprised at how Remus could look the same yet, so different. you were shocked. He seemed to be a little caught off guard when you both made eye contact.

Lily breaks the small tension, with the clap of her hands. “Great now that everyone’s here, I believe you two need to introduce yourselves!” She turns over to you and Mary, waiting.

“I’m Mary.” Mary smiles, keeping her distance. Not knowing what else to say. Turning her head over to you.

“Oh, and I’m Y/n.” You say it a little awkward, feeling slightly embarrassed. Sirius can’t help but laugh a little. “You don’t speak much, do you?” He asks, a charming smile in tow.

“That's our Y/n, she doesn't really talk around new people.” Mary offered, wrapping her arm around you. Her smile wide. She always thought your “shyness” was adorable.

You couldn’t help but feel flustered and self-conscious. It was true you never really talk while being introduced to new people. You grew shy overtime with speaking. Your mum always used to say you always talked too much. So you taught yourself to quiet down.

You glance at Remus, his eyebrows were raised in question, his eyes squinting. You couldn’t help but look at the scar that went across Remus’ left eyebrow. It was long and it always stretches when he lifts up his eyebrows. You always couldn’t help but stare at it, it suits him. You liked it. but, you knew Remus was trying to read you. You already knew what he was thinking: when did y/n y/l/n become shy? You could laugh, you started quieting down when Remus left.

Looking away from his scar, you met his dark brown eyes. His stare still hard and questioning. All you could do was shrug. You had nothing to say, not anymore. Looking back to Mary and Sirius you pulled away from Mary and took Sirius’ hand, shaking it with a closed and timid smile.

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madwcman · 6 months ago

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Mess It Up 2

wc: 1.3k | miu masterlist

cw: second chance romance, shy! reader, plus! size reader

“I keep thinking maybe if you let me back in, we can make it better, breaking every habit.”

Avoiding Remus seemed to be quite difficult. His eyes always seem to be on you. Whether it was sitting down at the table or getting drinks his eyes seemed to follow you. It was a little nerve wracking. But thankfully the night was coming to an end. As everyone was leaving one by one, first Lily and James, then Sirius, then Peter. It was just you, Mary and Remus. After a second of some uncomfortable silence you decided it was your time to go. You give Mary a goodbye hug, and a rush goodbye to Remus. You feel the cool air the night brings you as you leave the pub. You let out a relieved sigh, it was over.

“Y/n! Wait!” You internally groan in your head, of course Remus would follow you out. He wanted to talk. You weighed your options. It was either ignore him and let him keep calling out for you or get this over with. You heaved another sigh turning around.

“What can I do for you, Lupin?” Remus comes to a full stop. And he frowns a bit. “We’re on a last name basis? Ouch.” You glare at him. “What do you want?”

He’s silent for a second, debating in his head on what to say. He knows you’re still upset with him. He settles with a pitty smile. “You know we’re going to have to talk about this at some point, right?

“Right, of course.” He smiles now, a real smile. He’s smiling with his teeth, you look down to his bottom lip, his small scar stretches. You slip a small smile but quickly relax your face and narrow your eyes hoping Remus didn’t notice. “What are you smiling about?” You snip at him, you’re trying your hardest to be a little mean.

“Nothing,” you look at him skeptical, he shrugs as his smile turns more sheepish and shy. “This is the most you’ve talked all night.”

Oh, you didn’t realize. Your face goes blank. You have no quick response to Remus.

“Oh, you guys are still here?” You both turn to see Mary. Your face feels hot, your body tenses, you internally scream. “Yeah, me and y/n were just catching up.” Mary's eyebrows furrow with confusion. “y/n and I went to school together.”Remus quickly explains, Mary turns to you, you shake your head confirming what Remus just told her.

“Well- it was good to see you Remus,” you lie through your teeth and quickly turn to Mary. “Want to walk back with me?”

“Yeah!” You and Mary lived at the same apartment complex. You were relieved that you always had Mary for company. And even more relieved and thankful she saved you from this conversation with Remus. After Mary’s quick goodbye to Remus, you start your stroll back home.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” You promise your friend, softly. Drained from tonight.

“You seem tense when Remus is around.” You curse at your friend in your head for being so observant. You softly hum, offhandedly looking forward not wanting to look Mary in her eyes as you lie to her. “I didn’t notice.”

“Right, what happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Liar.”

Then it’s quiet for the rest of the walk. You don’t know what to tell Mary. It’s not like Remus did anything wrong, or bad but, what he did wasn’t exactly good either. Even though Remus hurt your feelings back when you were friends, you still have a feeling to protect him. You don’t want Mary to have an opinion on Remus before she actually gets to know him.

You both made it to the complex, you turn to Mary and wish her a good night. Entering your apartment you head straight to your room. You’re exhausted, but you still have your nightly routine. You groan. But you shuffle across your apartment getting ready for the night. A few minutes later you fall into bed sleeping alone.

Waking up to your phone ringing wasn’t ideal. It was actually annoying. You quickly grab your phone and answer the call. “What?” It comes out rude, slow and a little sleepy.

“Hello to you too.” You hear the amusement in his voice but you can’t help closing your eyes, you feel the dreadful feeling taken over when you hear his voice. “How did you get my number?” You grumble into the phone.

“You seem so happy to hear from me.”

“Well, of course! What girl doesn’t love speaking to a guy who ripped her heart out?” You sass back, your sarcasm voicing out. It’s quiet on the other line. You feel as if you overdone it. “I’m sorry, Remus.”

“No, it’s fine.” There’s a beat of silence, that’s awkward. But Remus clears his throat. “Anyways, I need your address.”

“What?”

“I need your address. We’re hanging out.”

“No we’re not.” You resort, you’re not hanging out with Remus Lupin.

“Yes we are.”

“Remus, no we’re not.”

“We need to work this out.” He’s stubborn and firm on his decision. But you are too.

“No.” You hang up the phone, not wanting to hear Remus out.

The dreadful feeling is back an hour after the phone call, when you hear a knock at the door. Walking over to the door you look through the peephole, you see Remus.

“You’ve got to be joking.” You hope that if you're quiet enough that Remus will leave.

Another knock on the door. You stay silent, you even go as far as holding your breath. “I know you’re here.” Your hope is crushed. You let out the air you’ve been holding as you open the door “How’d you find me?”

“Lily,” He shrugs his shoulders, as if it was nothing. “Okay, get ready. We're going out.”

“Where?”

“The park.” you’re definitely not going to park with him, no matter what.

You’re mad with yourself. You are currently out at the park with Remus. He bribed you outside of your apartment with lunch and a trip to the bookstore. It’s embarrassing how quickly you folded. It’s shameful.

You’re both seated at a bench. You find yourself a little speechless at the moment. You're waiting for Remus to say something to break this awkward silence.

“I think we should become friends again.” You stare at Remus as if he’s crazy. He says it as if becoming friends again will be easy. He laughs at your facial expressions. He knows it’ll be harder than it sounds, but he’s determined. He misses you. “I’m serious, you know.” He stops laughing, moving his body towards you. You look up to him, he does look serious, there’s not a hint of amusement in his eyes.

“I’m still not sure.” You say skeptical, Remus knew this was going to happen. You had every right to be skeptical. But he’s going to prove it to you.

“I know, but I think we can do this.” he’s trying to reassure you, His large scarred hand grabs yours, holding it.

“Maybe,” you’re still not sure, but you don’t want to make anything awkward or weird for your friends. “I'll think about it.” You snatch your hand back from Remus and scoot away from him.

“I’m okay with that.” He scrunched his eyebrows a little, he was a little hurt that you snatched your hand back, but he does understand. “I think we should skip out on the book store and lunch.” You offer, you feel awkward and a little bad for offering this suggestion. You just need to be alone for a bit. “No, come on let me treat you!” Remus has always been nice, that’s a problem for you. It’s always been hard to tell him no.

“I’m sorry, but not today.” Your voice is soft, you have to set a boundary. “Just let me think about this.”

“Okay.” Remus smiles at you, it doesn’t stretch all the way. This smile doesn’t really stretch any of his scars on his face either. It’s not a real smile.

You grin at him, politely. And then stand up, you decide to head home and to think about what Remus asked. To become friends again, it wasn’t going to be easy. Not when you still miss Remus more than a friend, but you think you could put this aside and work it out for Lily. You’re not going to mess it up.

tag list: @amatoanima + if you want to be added feel free to ask!

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