#plus my crush and i had to cancel our plans for tomorrow so that made me double sad | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

aiimaginesbts · 4 years ago

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Eternal Summer (M)

Disclaimer/Copyright

Summary: Breaking up with my boyfriend leaves an empty spot on the overseas vacation that I had been looking forward to for a long time. I’m torn between abandoning the trip or going it solo when someone offers to tag along. However, having Jimin, my best friend go with me may not be the best idea — since my crush on him has never gone away.

Author’s Note: This is my fic for the ‘The Summer Bucketlist’ writing event hosted by @jamaisjoons with ‘Go sightseeing on a vacation’ as my prompt.

This grin just can’t be wiped off my face. While I’m aware that people passing by me are shooting me weird looks thanks to my humming, I don’t want to stop for their sake. I can barely hold myself from skipping down the street, lined with leafy trees on one side and boutique stores on the other – I’m that excited. The merciless rays of the late sun are welcome on my skin after weeks of slaving away even more than usual at work just so I can enjoy this long awaited vacation. It has completely paid off, since I’ve managed to settle everything I needed to with one day to spare. Everyone – myself included – expected me to be toiling away until the last minute. I even packed my luggage in advance, little by little, whenever I could, since I didn’t think I would have time to do it. So, with everything ready and time to spare, I head towards the only place I could think of going when I don’t know what to do with myself.

After making a stop at Se Hoon’s favourite restaurant to order take-out for dinner, I continue on my way towards his apartment. Since I plan to make this a surprise visit, he might still be working. Still, another glance at my watch convinces me that he will definitely be at home. Se Hoon prefers to work from home, so unless there’s work that he must settle at the office, he’s usually home by this time, even if he has to continue working there. It might mean that I’ll be shooed away while he finishes, but I don’t care. I’m content to just watch him as I eat my dinner. As long as I’m with him. We’ll be going together on vacation the day after tomorrow, but there’s no harm in starting early, is there? Plus, I’ve been too busy to see him lately. And the few scant times I could manage to get some time off, he would be busy instead. It seems like we’ve been missing each other for a while now, and I just miss being with someone.

Another fifteen minutes of walking and an elevator ride to the eighteenth floor later, I arrive in front of Se Hoon’s dark brown apartment door. I hesitate, wondering if I should let myself in or announce myself first. It has been a while since I’ve arrived here on my own, but recalling the times he got grumpy because he was interrupted to open the door for me way in the beginning of our relationship, I pressed the keys to unlock his door. No sense making him stop whatever he’s doing and come for me when I can open the door on my own.

Although I’ve been telling myself that I’m perfectly happy just to be in his presence this evening, my lips purse into a disappointed pout when I notice a pair of unfamiliar women’s black pumps at the entrance. It’s rare for Se Hoon to have visitors to his house, other than myself, but I suppose it’s safe to say that he isn’t done with work. At least his co-worker is willing to come over, so he doesn’t have to stay in the office. Otherwise I’d have arrived at an empty house.

Not wanting to interfere with his work by calling out, I kick off my similar, but lower, heels next to hers and start making my way inside. It has been a while since I’d had time to visit, but the surroundings are pretty much the same as I remember it from last time. Neither of us are the type of people to periodically arrange furniture, or make any changes at all, for that matter. Some people may find it boring, but I’m comfortable in its familiarity.

However, just a few steps in and my eyes land on an unexpected sight. A dark blue tie, adorned with a tiny white diamond pattern, lying on the floor. Se Hoon’s tie. I remember giving it to him for his birthday several months ago. Then a light pink shirt that I don’t recognise – I don’t pride myself on knowing Se Hoon’s wardrobe inside and out, but this shirt is way too small for him. My feet slow to a stop, but my breathing becomes laboured; like I’m running a marathon. Even though I scream in my head in denial, telling myself to turn around and not to continue looking, my eyes betray me by straying ahead, following the trail of clothes into his bedroom.

“Se Hoon?” I call out without thinking, but my voice comes out a croak, volume barely a whisper. The world I thought I had built solidly enough is crumbling under the soles of my feet. Familiar comfort no longer.

“Looks like our plane is here.”

Although my eyes are wide open and the world is bright, blinding even; the light from the sun is relentlessly shining through the gigantic glass panes of the airport, everything looks like a blur to me. I see vague shapes moving inconsequentially in my field of vision, but I can’t make out anything. The world hasn’t righted itself after it got thrown off its axis just yet. I’m dimly aware of where I currently am, of what brought me to this point. And yet in my mind, I’m still frozen in Se Hoon’s apartment two days ago.

While words cannot describe my feelings at the moment, I’m sure whatever combination of letters that the dictionary can come up with won’t be anything good. It doesn’t help that the voice that calls my name repeatedly in attempts to bring me back to reality is noticeably higher than Se Hoon’s. No, it isn’t even that. I wouldn’t be this bothered if it were anyone else’s voice. However, my best friend’s insistence that I return to Earth and get ready to board the plane throws my emotions into a jumbled mess. Forcing myself back to the present time, the surroundings gradually come into focus, like a camera lens finally being adjusted properly. “People are still getting off the plane, Jimin,” I grumble, sinking myself further into the chair in the waiting area petulantly. Maybe I don’t want to board this airplane after all.

This empty feeling has seeped in from yesterday. After a fitful sleep, I’d gotten out of my bed to stare at my luggage, all ready and packed for the next day. I wasn’t sure what time it was then; I’d rolled out of bed onto the floor and turning back to look at the small clock on my nightstand had felt like it would have consumed too much energy. All I knew was that dawn had not even broken yet, as the light blue curtains of my room, so useless at blocking even the smallest bit of light, were still dim. As my eyes slowly adjusted to the dark and started to trace the royal blue strips lining the white canvas, I’d thought about the times I’d chucked the things I wanted to bring into the bag. When I’d seen a shirt that Jimin had said looked good on me, I’d thrown it in there. The cap he’d bought me on a whim after he’d dropped by my office for an impromptu lunch. A pair of socks that Jimin had insisted matched with the pair that he’d bought, just because both pairs have a striped motif. Earrings that he’d helped me choose because Se Hoon couldn’t make it for our date that day. Perhaps he couldn’t make it because of that woman, and not because of work, like he’d claimed.

Hours must have flown by as I’d sat there brooding. Not even sure what I was thinking about – was it really all about Se Hoon? My mind feels empty, but I couldn’t believe that I’d just been blankly staring at the luggage in the corner of my room for so long. And yet I must have had, because when the sound of my vibrating phone grated my ears, making me jump out of my reverie, the room was already bright despite the drawn curtains.

Groaning from grumpiness and the aching of my back and ass from sitting in one spot for so long, I’d braced my right palm on the still-cool floor to twist my body and reach for my phone. “Ugh.” My fingertips had brushed against it, causing it to move forward and teeter off the edge of my nightstand. The next round of vibrations had led to a losing battle with its balance, but thankfully I’d managed to catch it before it made contact with the hard floor. The scramble to play hero to save my phone had left me on both my elbows, horizontal against the floor. By this time, the call had become a missed one. Probably gone to voicemail, but that hadn’t stopped me from glaring at the offending device.

Before I could even look at the screen properly to check who had called, I heard the sharp beeping of my front door lock keypad, quickly followed by the chime indicating a successful breach and the softer click of the door opening to the intruder. Then a call of my name greeted my ears, betraying the identity of the visitor and setting my frayed nerves at ease. In a split second, however, my shock had melted away, leaving mild irritation in its wake. At first I didn’t want to answer him. Let him search the whole place, I’d thought pettily, even while knowing that my bedroom would have been the first place he’d check, then changed my mind. “In here.”

Trust him to hear me even though I’d hardly raised my voice. His chipper, “’Morning!” had reminded me that he didn’t have a clue to what had transpired the previous evening, leaving me torn between two choices; remain in my miserable mood and risk him prying for the reason behind it, or put up a cheerful front. I’m supposed to go for the vacation I’d been looking forward to so much, after all.

In the end, my “’morning,” had come out as a sullen reply. Simply couldn’t be bothered with pretence when this guy was concerned. With my partner for the trip automatically cancelling less than twenty-four hours ago, he was going to unearth the source of my moodiness sooner or later, even if I’d pretended there was nothing wrong.

“What’s wrong?” He’d immediately quipped at my tone, joining me on the floor.

I’d narrowed my eyes at the luggage I’d refused to tear my eyes away from. Still, it was always annoying when Jimin would zero in on me like that.

“Just.”

Jimin had rested his back against the side of the bed next to me, keeping mum instead of answering. I’d always hated that he knew exactly how to handle me at times like these. Several minutes had passed as I’d stewed in silence, then inevitably worked out what I’d wanted to say, like he’d known I would. I’d let one or two more minutes go by, just to spite him, but in the end I’d relented with a resolved sigh.

He’d taken the cue to open his mouth. “Wanna grab brunch?”

Is it that late already? I’d thought, unwillingly softening just a bit more when he didn’t automatically repeat his first question. “Not now.” Holding fast onto my vast – though slowly depleting – reserves of gloominess and fury, I’d willed my stomach not to grumble just then. Under strict orders from my highly distressed brain, my stomach had cowered and obeyed, even as his question had evoked pangs of hunger. Another sigh, then, “I don’t know if I’m going tomorrow,” I finally gave in to the inevitable need to confess, if not my need to eat.

“What? Why?” He’d leaned forward in surprise. I’d wished he hadn’t. Despite not having shed a single tear, I’d had no idea what sort of expression I was making, or whether I had any control over it. Thoughts had been racing through my mind at uncontrollable speeds. Obviously I hadn’t used the time I’d had to think this all the way through. Should I tell him that I’d broken up with Se Hoon?

I hadn’t wanted to.

“Se Hoon has urgent business to attend to and can’t make it.” Ugh. Even uttering his name had made me want to spit and brush my tongue with a scrubber. Bringing my legs up, I’d buried my face in my knees, unable to bear the sight of Jimin’s brows furrowing with concern. Aside from the guilt I’d felt about lying to my best friend, the mix of emotions roiling inside me were – and still is – muddling. There was overwhelming outrage towards Se Hoon, which was not surprising. However, endless hours of pondering had made me realise that the nature of my grief was befuddling.

There had been no tears. Even after the shock of seeing Se Hoon in bed with another woman had worn off as I’d trudged all the way home, walking for about an hour instead of taking the subway, there had been no heartbreak over our failed relationship. When I’d finally reached home and collapsed on my bed, no burning tears had even threatened my eyes. Later in the shower, the only wetness had come from the metal pipes. I didn’t care about losing him. No, I’d thought, with Jimin’s presence solidifying my belief, I’m sad because I’m alone. Even when I was with Jimin – actually, because I was with Jimin – I’d felt so lonely. He made me feel hopeless. He made me feel like a loser. Especially now, I’d felt like I was worth nothing. No, I’d always felt like I was worthless when I was with Se Hoon, or with any of my other exes. That’s why I’ve always chased after a relationship. Because otherwise, I would be worth less than nothing.

It had made me all the more desperate not to let Jimin find out. Better to have him think that Se Hoon was being a jerk – which he was, and still is – by ditching me for work instead of finding out that we’d broken up. Jimin was sure to take great umbrage at Se Hoon – never mind that I was the one who did the dumping – and would definitely demand to know the reason behind it. To tell him that I wasn’t even worth being faithful for… that would just take the ugly, miserable cake that is my life, wouldn’t it? I’d much rather die than come clean, so I’d pressed the truth as deep down as it could go, took a deep breath and turned to rest my chin on my knee, facing that frown painted on his adorably worried features.

“It’s work. You know how it is. Can’t be helped.” Tossed words accompanied by a cavalier shrug; hopefully passing it off as a small matter that I’d wanted it to appear like. There. It gave the impression that I had a responsible boyfriend, and I was being a magnanimous, understanding girlfriend. Plus, this way I could forge ahead with unloading my immediate problem to Jimin without seeming too pathetic. “But I don’t know if I want to go alone.”

“Hey, what’s the point of riding business if you’re going to zone out and queue with the people in economy?” Jimin’s irritated complaint as he swats my arm knocks me back to the present. Still in a daze, I let him grab my hand and pull me up and towards the air stewardess waiting to check the customers’ boarding passes without complaint, only having the presence of mind to hold my camera bag securely against my side. True, I was really torn between going on the trip alone or cancelling it altogether, but when I’d voiced my indecision to Jimin yesterday, I didn’t imagine that it would lead to this.

We zip past the long queue of people waiting to be allowed to board, all the way to the front. The sweet-looking stewardess takes a look at our documents and smiles, complimenting her rosy cheeks, made up carefully to look perfectly natural, ushering us in. As we stride towards the door to the aircraft, I can’t help but look at our connecting hands, then up towards his slender, but comforting back. Never in a million years would I have thought that he would actually offer to accompany me. In all actuality, ‘offer’ is too mild a word for what he did. After calling in to take a week off of work, then buying flight tickets while I’d showered, did he really think he left me with any choice?

He might have been right that not going just because Se Hoon couldn’t make it, after I’d worked my ass off to get a holiday, paid for the tickets and hotel, would be ridiculous. But I maintain that what he did in a span of less than thirty minutes – because it couldn’t have taken longer than that for me to shower – was the more inane of the two.

However, as we step inside the plane itself, past another stewardess welcoming us onto the flight, the reality of this finally starts to sink in. For the first time since I’ve become single, my face relaxes, and I can feel my whole body relaxing with it. While the cause of this current situation is unfortunate, the outcome is quite fortuitous. After settling in my window seat first, I glance towards Jimin, trying to get comfortable in the next seat over. I’m very aware that allowing myself to enjoy this, or even think about this, is idiocy of the highest degree. That it will just bring me more pain down the road. I know. Years of suffering had taught me that really well. Yet still, being the fool that I am, I don’t deny the giddiness of having Jimin come with me, instead of Se Hoon. Not to myself, at least. If it’s going to hurt me either way, might as well milk whatever joy I can get out of it, right? My future self will probably hate my current self later, so I apologise to her in advance in my head.

“Everything okay over there?” Jimin leans over the wide armrest to ask.

“Mm-hmm,” I answer simply, still half-lost in my thoughts. Sometimes I want to roll my eyes and laugh at myself. Whatever am I thinking, while Jimin is just trying to be a good friend? Imagination running wild can inject a really swift and powerful dose of euphoria, and goodness knows that my spirits need a bit of lifting, but prolonged daydreaming will not do anyone any good. Jimin is just a friend. Just a friend. Indulging in idyllic notions will just burn me in the end.

The process of achieving resolution is interrupted when the plane begins to move. It isn’t very obvious at first due to its size, but I notice it backing out into the runway. As it begins to pick up speed, I forget everything else; from depressing thoughts of being single, to silly fantasies. Turning to Jimin, I whisper excitedly; “My favourite part is coming!”

Before I can start to explain what it is, Jimin laughs and nods. “I know.”

Sitting back against the chair, I absorb the fact that Jimin remembers that I’ve told him before. It’s such a random piece of uninteresting information, but I suppose that’s what best friends pick up over the years. I’m sure I subconsciously collect seemingly useless information about him, too. Not wanting to miss it, I don’t comment any further, instead just grinning at him before shifting my attention towards the window. My heart rate picks up as the vehicle accelerates so rapidly that I feel myself getting thrown back into my seat, gaining momentum until it finally lifts itself up into the air. Sighing contentedly, I told Jimin; “It’s such a rush when the plane moves like that. Like our journey is truly starting, and we’re running towards it with all our might.” He just shakes his head with a chuckle at my childish delight. We’re already high enough that the view outside displays the landscape of Seoul city of buildings and cars. On any other day, I’d be down there somewhere. But not today. And while this may not have turned out exactly as I’d expected it to, I have no complaints about the arrangement now.

As though he’d picked up on my uplifted mood, Jimin asks jovially, “So, remind me, why did you choose to go to Malaysia?”

I remember telling him that I was the one who’d picked the holiday destination. This time, it’s not surprising that he remembers; the way my excited gushing about the trip had escalated as it had approached bordered on annoying, even I will admit that. “It’s a multicultural, multi-racial country, so there’s a diverse variety of things to explore,” I begin to explain, sounding like a tourist brochure, pause to consider, then confess. “Actually, we’re going to Penang, which is famous for having the best food.”

Even though his lips curl down, the way Jimin bites his plump lower lip and holds his shuddering body is a tell-tale sign that he’s not frowning; in fact, I know that he’s trying to hold back from laughing out loud. “Why am I not surprised?” Guffaws escape alongside his words, and I smack his shaking arms playfully.

“Shut up.” Although my pretense at affront is a tiny bit better than his attempt to keep a straight face, it’s impossible to hide the mirth dancing in my eyes. With impeccable timing, one of the stewardesses appears by our side to inquire about our choice of lunch. Ever a fan of chicken, I order without hesitation, whereas Jimin chooses pork as his protein.

“Mmm,” – is Jimin’s way of articulating the tastiness of his meal. “What’s the name of the place,” he picks up his boarding pass to sneak a peek at the name of our holiday destination before returning it into his seat pocket, “Penang food better top this.”

Of course, I have never been there, so I can’t guarantee anything. “If their food is that well known around the region, I should think that it’s better than airplane food.”

Both of us know that I’ve made a sound justification, and Jimin doesn’t have any comebacks. The journey grows quiet soon after, my full stomach encouraging my already heavy eyes to shutter closed. Our transfer in Bangkok, Thailand via Suvarnabumi Airport is a short, uneventful one, and from there, it’s a quick flight to our final destination. Watching the evening sky serving as the backdrop for the sun making a dramatic exit for the night is breathtaking. By the time we land, streaks of orange are all that remain of the sun’s waning presence, and a light smattering of stars twinkle, not to be outdone by the numerous city lights.

“So, are we going to take a taxi to the hotel?” Jimin wants to know our next move after retrieving our bags from the baggage claim carousel.

“Yep, but we won’t be using a taxi.” Armed with the WiFi device I’ve rented in advance, I breathe a sigh of relief as my phone connects to the internet successfully. Sometimes I feel a little ashamed by it, but I can’t stop the feeling of unease whenever I’m cut off and unreachable by phone. I keep imagining the worst things happening. “There’s an app people use here to call for a driver instead of using a taxi. It’s cheaper and easy to use.”

“Oooh.” As I open said app, Jimin looks at the screen of my phone over my shoulder curiously. Compared to Incheon and Suvarnabumi Airports, Penang Airport is very small, which I suppose is befitting of the size of the northern island. It makes the place seem especially busy, and we stand slightly away from one of the exits, doing our best to keep out of people’s way. There must be a lot of drivers on the app service, because one immediately takes our request. Ride secured, we make our way out of the building, looking out for a white car with the specified plate number.

Soon our luggage is secured in the trunk of the car, and we speed away from the airport. From the handy app, I find out that our tanned driver is a man named Hisyam. His fatherly manner and gentle way of speaking reinforces my instinct that he seems to be in his late forties or early fifties, a deduction I’d made upon seeing him. Our friendly responses when he’d initiated the standard questioning – where we’re from, and our purpose of coming here – encourage him to strike up further conversation. From my simple research about Malaysia before coming here, I know that being able to converse in English is enough to communicate with the locals, but I didn’t think that it would go so smoothly. I’d thought that it would be only mostly youngsters who are able to speak fluently in English, but despite his age, Hisyam sounds comfortable talking to us in the language. A comment on this from me has him explaining that many Malaysians can speak English well enough to be understood at the very least, which is a relief. It’s nice to feel so welcomed, especially since he has an eager and easy answer when I wonder where we should get our dinner aloud. “There’s a place that’s famous for its char kuey teow that’s not far from here. You have to try it!”

“Char kuey teow?” Jimin hasn’t eaten anything after our lunch on the flight earlier, and the mention of food, however foreign, quickly piques his interest.

“It’s stir-fried noodle,” he explains. “But the noodles are flat and made of rice. It’s a really popular dish around this region. I’ll drive you there first, if you want.”

Sneaking a glance at Jimin, I can see that he is also in favour of this. “Is that okay, though? Do we need to call another driver after we’re done?”

“I’ll just take some other requests until you’re done, then I’ll come back for you. There’s always people calling for service in this area,” he assures us. “This shop’s reputation is rightly deserved, I promise. So, don’t worry about me and enjoy yourselves!”

Good thing Jimin and I are able to decide on taking Hisyam up on his offer so quickly, because he really isn’t kidding – the restaurant is a mere few turns after that. It’s a place next to the large road, with most of the dining tables spread over an open space past the low fence enclosing the area of the restaurant. I suppose the cooking is done within the small building to the side of the restaurant. The tables and chairs are purposeful rather than decorative, but I know that sometimes a simple, humble place can serve better food than fancy ones. With Hisyam’s phone number saved inside my phone, Jimin and I take a seat at a table in the middle of the place. It has barely gotten dark, but more than half of the tables are already occupied by people who look to be locals. A good sign.

Thankfully the restaurant is well-staffed, and in less than five minutes, we’ve gotten our order in. “Smells good,” Jimin comments hungrily, eyeing the plates on the tables around us. I grin and stop myself from teasing him with the old ‘I told you so’ before I actually try the food. It arrives quickly, although I’m not sure if it’s soon enough for Jimin, who starts to dig in without even waiting for me. “Mmm!” His smiley eyes widen, with an extra twinkle as he swallows the char kuey teow.

If my reaction upon tasting it didn’t mirror his so much, I would have laughed at him. However, our driver’s recommendation has given us a great start to our trip – the char kuey teow tastes much better than I expected. Strips of rice noodles that look like a very thick piece of paper that had gone through a coarse shredder are coated with sauce. This dark sauce isn’t paste-like, yet not runny, either. It’s rich; probably infused with the flavours of the prawns and cockles that accompany the dish. The noodles slide down my throat easily, but chives and bean sprouts mixed in provides a contrasting, crunchy texture.

Our silence during the meal says everything about it. Neither of us are interested in talking; we’re too busy enjoying the food. Only after I finish the last bite do I come up for air to confirm what I already know. “How was it?” But Jimin can’t hear me with his body twisted away in his plastic chair. Even if he could, he’s too concentrated in his effort to attract the attention of one of the waitresses to pay me any heed.

Once the young girl has acknowledged Jimin’s call, he turns back to me. “I’m ordering another one. Do you want anything?”

Looks like Jimin had definitely enjoyed his meal. I did too, but my appetite is nowhere as big as his, so I add another order of milk tea to drink while I wait for him to finish his second plate. Less than half an hour later, we’re back with Hisyam, who is happy that his suggestion is getting rave reviews. “Your hotel is in the center of Georgetown, so it will take about thirty minutes to get there,” he informs us, explaining that Georgetown is in the northern part of the island, while the airport is somewhere down south. The three-story building that he points out sits at the end of the block, and he turns from the main road into a smaller one to let us off. He looks at the hotel in approval. “You chose a good place to stay,” he comments. “The last tourist couple I drove booked a famous hotel, but they didn’t know that it’s known for being haunted.” The corners of his lips twitch while his eyebrows scrunch in the middle, as if he still isn’t sure whether to laugh or sympathise with the poor people’s misfortune. “It broke my heart to tell them.”

“Oooooh, which hotel is it?” Pretty sure that I didn’t come across this morsel of information when I was searching for hotels to stay in, I wanted to know. However, Jimin protests, saying that he’d like to get some sleep tonight. He’s already going to sleep in an unfamiliar bed, and hearing a ghost story just before that is not going to help him sleep easier. Hisyam and I whisper conspiratorially, arranging for a private story time via message while Jimin unloads our bags from the trunk of the car.

Unfortunately for Jimin, this isn’t going to be our first disagreement for tonight. Not ten minutes later we’re standing at the front desk, arguing over sleeping arrangements while the staff looks on patiently. “I should get my own room,” Jimin insists again, his tone riding the line between firm and incredulous at my disagreement.

“Why should we?” This is not the first time I’ve said these words in the last few minutes either, but I’m unwilling to back down. “The room is huge, and,” grabbing his arm to turn him away from the listening employee, “it’s really expensive.”

“I just won’t take a suite, then,” Jimin says with finality, accompanied by an eye roll.

Truly upset now, I let my lower lip jut out in an infuriated pout. “Even a normal room is expensive, and our rooms won’t be close to each other’s, then,” I inform him. “Is sharing a room with me really that bad? I thought it would be fun. Plus, I already feel bad enough for making you come here with me without having you spend even more.” Even though I know that Jimin can easily afford whichever room he wants, even the suite that Se Hoon and I had decided to splurge on to enjoy together, I’m not exactly sure why I want Jimin to share a room with me so much. The reasoning that I’ve given him are all true. Having him spend so much money, on top of messing up his work schedule to go on an impromptu trip with me makes me feel really guilty, even if he’d done it on his own accord. I just hope that’s the main reason I’m so adamant that we share the suite, more so than the fear of having my crippling insecurity issues creeping up on me alone in the room I was supposed to share with Se Hoon.

Since Jimin and I have had sleepovers when we were kids and had even shared a tent when we went camping with friends in high school, I didn’t think he would mind. So when he’d neglected to ask which hotel we would be staying in, I didn’t bother to book another room. In hindsight, perhaps it was just an oversight on his part. He did only have less than twenty-four hours to prepare to go overseas, after all. However, if he’s this against sharing a room with me, perhaps he does feel uncomfortable about it. Sighing, I decide internally that forcing him to share when he isn’t willing would eat at my conscience even more, so I face the staff again as my hand reaches inside my bag, rummaging for my purse. “Could you give us another room? As close to mine as possible, please.”

“Fine, fine, let’s share.” This isn’t the effect that I had intended – I’m fully prepared to pay for his room – but surprisingly, this made him finally give in. “That is, if you don’t mind.”

“I wouldn’t have suggested it if I minded.” Now that Jimin has agreed, I find myself at odds, feeling like I’d coerced him into saying yes. “Are you sure you don’t mind? I could just get another room if you really don’t want to share.”

He shakes his head but doesn’t meet my eyes. “Nah, I just thought you’d feel awkward since you’re supposed to be here with Se Hoon. Are you sure he won’t mind?”

Oh. So that’s why Jimin had put up such a fight. The realisation makes me feel a little disappointed. I guess I’m a fool for expecting something else. Jimin had never been attracted to me, after all. Why would he care about sharing a room, other than concern over causing trouble in my relationship? If only he knew that he’s worrying about a nonexistent problem. “I’m sure. No worries.” Funnily enough, Se Hoon had been the one sharing his bed with another woman while we were still a couple, not me.

“I guess he thinks I’m a robot, too.”

“What?” I’m in the middle of confirming with the now-thoroughly-confused man at the front desk that we’re definitely not adding any extra rooms to our booking, so I’m not sure if I heard Jimin’s mumblings right.

“Nothing.” He dismisses me, taking our luggage and wheeling them towards the lift, leaving me behind to take the room key.

“Hey, wait! Oi!”

“Here are your room keys,” the young man at the front desk calls for my attention, and I turn around to take the two sets of cards from him. His, “I hope you enjoy your trip,” sounds more heartfelt rather than obligatory, sending embarrassed heat to my face. He’d obviously gathered that things are not hunky-dory between his guests… wait, he probably thinks we’re a bickering couple. At first I open my mouth, automatically about to launch into my go-to explanation that we’re friends, not a couple like I usually do back home, then I close it. There’s no longer a boyfriend who might find out that someone thinks that Jimin and I are in a relationship, and Jimin, that jerk, went ahead without me so he didn’t hear it. What’s the point of clarifying such a trivial thing to a stranger in a foreign land that I probably won’t ever see again anyway?

“Thanks.” Still slightly sheepish over our argument in front of the man, I quickly scatter away towards the lift. “Thanks for waiting,” I repeat the sentiment – but this time in a very different intonation that borders on the churlish – towards Jimin when I reach his side.

“Mm.” His non-committal reply doesn’t indicate whether he missed the sarcasm in my greeting or heard but doesn’t care to respond. It does nothing to improve my mood. I narrow my eyes at him, but he carefully avoids my glare, instead pressing the button to summon the lift, then keeping his gaze locked on the red digits changing from 2 to G. His reaction jolts me away from the displeasure I’d felt when he’d left the counter without me, back to the root of our argument. Uncertainty and guilt replace my ebbing anger.

“Sorry that you had to come all the way here to keep me company,” I begin my apology by addressing the sacrifice he’d made for me. “If it really bothers you, I don’t mind taking two rooms. I’ll pay for it. It’s the least I can do, after all.”

The lift doors open just then, and Jimin goes in without acknowledging my words, dragging both our luggage with him. I follow in and press the first-floor button. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, I’m not about to push it any further. I’ve said my piece. Of course, I’m still upset, but Jimin can be scary when he’s truly angry, and I’m not in the mood to deal with that right now. Not that I ever actually want to take on an incensed Jimin. But then, the lift has barely moved when he shifts to face me, his features not quite frowning, but nowhere near friendly, either. “Do you really not care about sharing a room with me? Se Hoon as well?”

“Yes, really.” Well, I really prefer it that way. Se Hoon doesn’t have a say in it, but there’s no reason to tell Jimin that. “No sense wasting money on another room when we’ll only use it to sleep, anyway.”

“You booked an expensive suite in a nice hotel just to sleep?” If I were still with Se Hoon, Jimin’s pointed question would have made me blush. However, all it made me think about is how Se Hoon fucked another woman two days before our vacation. There’s no doubt that there were other incidents before that that I’m not privy to. My blood boils at the thought.

“Well, right now I’d rather get herpes than touch him.” I reply acidly. Jimin might have done a lot for me, especially since I broke up with Se Hoon, but there’s just so much my self-beating, bruised heart can take. This time Jimin is the one doing the following, walking just behind me down the corridor until we reach the door to the suite. Holding the key cards up, I ask him one last time, “Are you sure about this? There’s still a chance to get another room.”

“No need, since you’re so sure,” his reply is slightly curt, but has lost most of the venom. I belatedly realise that he thinks I’m furious with Se Hoon for bailing out because of work, which must have had him softening towards me again. In reality, I’m far more pitiful than that, but I’ll take what I can get. Under his breath, Jimin mumbles again, “I’ll be sure to conduct myself like the saint you both think I am.”

The light musical notes of the door unlocking mask Jimin’s murmuring, so I only register his earlier response, taking it as a reconciliation. Opening the heavy wooden door, I fumble the adjacent wall for a switch, and upon turning it on, white light bathes the space to reward us with a very welcome sight. The entrance stretches and opens up to a spacious living room, decorated with black wooden furniture enhanced by splashes of red – small red cushions and red drawers. Simple white walls provide a nice contrast to the beautiful dark, polished timber floor. While I was looking for a place to stay while we’re here, I had seen some photos of the room, but seeing it in front of my own eyes is just breathtaking. From behind me, the sound of Jimin’s long inhale is audible as he takes it all in with completely fresh eyes.

Excited, I bounce further in towards the bedroom. On my left is a wooden door matching the ones I’ve walked through so far. The walls sandwiching it are also wooden with carvings, but the whole expanse is covered with glass. A peek through it reveals the bathroom, complete with a jacuzzi tub that had been promised in the hotel website in addition to a shower cubicle. The bedroom itself is as beautifully decorated as the living room. Majestic four-poster king-sized bed dominates the center of the room, matching the ornate tables and wardrobe well. Sliding glass doors lead to the balcony, and a large stained-glass window on the other side of the bathroom facing the bed completes the luxurious room.

“I’d be happy to just hang out here until the end of the trip,” Jimin comments in awe as he enters the room.

“I know,” I agree breathily, then compose myself before sending him a firm look. “But there’s food to be eaten.”

My honest statement invokes a helpless laughter from Jimin. “You’re not even pretending that you want to see the sights!” Just like that, all the animosity from before melts away completely. Jimin’s giggles must be infused with magic, drawing out a grin from me effortlessly every single time.

Finally, we collapse on the bed – Jimin resting completely on the left side of the bed, while I lay down partially on the side closest to the balcony with my lower legs dangling over the foot of the bed. If I let myself lay down properly, I know that it’s just a matter of time before I’m knocked out cold from the exhaustion of the journey. A bath in the tub sounds really nice, but it’s too much of a hassle for me now. I just want to sleep; but not with the day’s journey sticking to my body. After some time resting my tired muscles, I let out a loud groan and pull myself up. “I’m gonna take a shower.”

“Mm.” From the way Jimin lazily acknowledges my announcement, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s already sleep-talking.

“Do you want to take one too, or are you just going to stink up the bed the whole night?” Poking the sole of his right foot sharply with my finger, I try to verify this with him before I lose him to sleep completely.

“Mmph.” This time he rubs his face against his pillow, perhaps in an attempt to give a more intelligible answer that fails. Opening up his eyes a crack, he asks, “Together?”

I’m not sure if he’s really lucid or not. But I refuse to let him – and myself – entertain the idea for even one minute. My honest answer isn’t good for the health of both my mental state and our friendship. “I’ll wake you up once I’m done.” Jimin responds with another vague hum that I take as a ‘yes’.

Just a little over twelve hours later, I’m sorely wishing for a nice soak in the jacuzzi tub, followed by a nice afternoon just chilling in the hotel room being blasted by the air conditioner. Jimin echoes my innermost thoughts, as if he can read them; “I swear I must have sweat out all the water in my body,” he complains. “Why did you choose such a hot place to go for a holiday? Don’t people run to cool places in the summer?”

“I think it’s the opposite,” I muse out loud. “People go to hot places to escape the bitter winter.” Right now, the freezing winter sounds good to me. It’s slightly past noon and the sun, which has been slowly creeping up on us since about an hour ago, has become downright menacing. Mentally I congratulate myself on forcing an early start this morning, despite both of us being too lazy to get up several hours earlier. The sky had just been kissed by the sun when we set out from the hotel, using the app to get another driver to bring us to Beach Street.

Despite the name, the street is a few blocks away from the jetty. We started our Penang street art hunt here. The UNESCO World Heritage Site is home to numerous street arts, painted by international and local artists. From what I’ve read, there are some very popular pieces that still survive thanks to restoration, but the art scene changes frequently as the old murals fade with time and new ones take the spotlight. Thankfully, the ones I’ve really taken a liking to haven’t disappeared. An early start gives us some advantages – not having to compete with other people for photos, and most importantly, cool weather for a pleasant walk.

Trusty digital SLR in hand, Jimin and I enjoyed searching for the murals, snapping pictures with them as trophies. To my delight – and Jimin’s amusement – many of these artworks on the wall are interactive. The bicycle that a pair of painted siblings ride on is an actual bicycle that you can sit on, similar to the swings a bit of distance away. Jimin declared that the painting of a realistic little boy walking a very-cartoonish dinosaur as his favourite, until he finds out that the artist, Ernest Zacharevic later made a series of paintings he called the ‘101 Lost Kittens’ project. Whilst indulging him in his renewed vigour to find all the lost cats, I noticed that the street art isn’t all that the capital of the island, George Town, has to offer. Narrow streets snake around terraced store fronts and as the morning aged, some of them started to open. Most of them look old, but many retain an interesting charm unique to each one, be it tiles with beautiful patterns covering the doorstep of the store, or windows and doors carved in cultural patterns that hide a rich history that I’m not privy to.

Dotted between these cramped stores are various eateries, cafes, bakeries and bars, many whimsically decorated, just waiting to surprise us as if saying ‘peek-a-boo’! It wasn't long before our stomachs were rumbling, and we chose our breakfast stop. We managed to get roti canai, a flatbread eaten with curry, which was one of my goals for this trip. Jimin tsk-tsked upon hearing that my goals are food instead of attractions, but even he was mesmerised by the sight of the cook twirling the bread dough expertly in the air. “Okay, this is good,” he relents after taking a bite of the savoury bread.

After filling ourselves up, we resume the search for Jimin’s kittens, but I don’t think we managed to get even halfway before we’re reminded that Malaysia is a country that has sunny and rainy days instead of four seasons. And today is definitely sunny. My trusty cap might be protecting my face, but it’s not doing much against the unforgiving heat. “Korea isn’t this hot, even in the summer,” Jimin insists.

“It’s more humid here,” I explain as my eyes rove about the walls, looking for cat paintings. The grey cat surrounded by red fortune cats has been my favourite so far, but Jimin got more excited about the giant depiction of Skippy, the orange cat.

“How come real cats don’t come in this size?” One would think that Jimin’s wish was an adorable one, but I imagined if it came true, and was horrified at the thought.

“They would eat us whole!” Terrified, I eyed the painting up and down, trying to gauge its size. It must be twice as tall as I am. “It would be worse than a tiger!”

Jimin had laughed at my seriousness, but it isn’t long before I’m ready to call it quits, and he’s right behind me. “Summers are probably more bearable in Korea because we’re in the air conditioning most of the time, while we’ve been out in the sun all morning here.” As if granting my wish, I spy blinds hung over a shop with white lettering written across it. A peek underneath tells me that this is probably a café, since I see wooden stools and tables taking up the storefront space. Without hesitation, I grab Jimin’s arm and lead him towards it. I don’t know what sort of store it is, but I know I could use some shade right now.

It turns out that it really is a café, thankfully. Jimin doesn’t need much persuading to agree on grabbing a bite to eat; it’s lunchtime anyway. We snap up some seats inside, where the air conditioning graces us with its mercy. The menu quickly tells us that this place specialises in bagels. Our bagels are perfectly toasty and crunchy after being reheated over a wood fire in an oven, and I take complete delight in the sour kiwi slices coated in honey topping yogurt in an adorable glass jar. Since I don’t eat as much as Jimin, I opt for a lighter salmon and cream cheese bagel. Although I’m doubtful of the bagel’s ability to satisfy Jimin’s appetite, he insists that the bacon and egg served with his bagel is enough to tide him over.

As Jimin inhales his food, then orders more after giving me a sheepish shrug, my attention keeps straying to one corner of the eatery where I watch a group of young girls snapping pictures amidst raucous laughter. Grabbing the opportunity to catch Jimin’s attention when he looks up from his plate, I gesture towards the corner with my chin. “Look, look. We have to take a picture there.”

By the time we’re done, the girls have gone, so I pick up a piece of white chalk on a nearby table to write on the small chalkboard they’d left behind. “Name… Park Jimin.” The texture of the chalk isn’t pleasant to my skin, but I ignore it to fill in Jimin’s height and the date, chuckling when I think about what to write in the last space. “Charge… laughing too much.”

“What?” My best friend states his incredulity as he lets loose the same charming laughter that I’m charging him with. “Laughter brings joy to the world! How could that be a crime?”

“Shh,” I ignore his weak protests, shoving the board into his hands and nudging him against the wall. He guffaws as I lift up my camera and snap pictures of him against a lineup board to take his mugshot. He then declares that he’s good to go for another search for the lost kitties. But it has been a long day, and with our energy already been sapped by yesterday’s journey, the afternoon is spent in more leisurely walks instead, with Jimin quietly indulging my sweet tooth by popping into trendy and yummy cafes instead of religiously keeping an eye out for more murals. I silently appreciate his thoughtfulness but don’t comment on it, knowing that it’ll give him a golden opportunity to tease me for eating so many sweets. Of course, it might just be him wanting to escape the heat without admitting it, even though the sun’s power seems to have diminished as it slips to the west. Yeah, that must be it, I think to myself, refusing to read more into it.

We’ve just exited another café, the bitter taste of coffee tampered by milk and sugar still lingering on our tongues, when Jimin points out something unfamiliar on the road. “Look, what’s that?” It’s a small cart, just big enough so that two people can sit on the seat underneath a grey shade. Behind it is a bicycle with one wheel, attached to the cart to drive the small cart with two more wheels on its side – like a tricycle – forward. I’ve never seen one in Korea, but I do know that this is a mode of transport in several Asian countries.

“It’s a rickshaw,” I tell him, miraculously pulling the name from my memory.

“Huh.” Jimin eyes it with interest. It doesn’t take a genius to see where this is going. “Wanna try riding it?”

At this point, we don’t even know where we are. It has thankfully cooled down now that it’s late afternoon, but my feet are weary from walking so much. Still… My eyes move from the empty cart, where the two of us can sit comfortably and give our feet much needed rest, towards the back, where the driver is sitting. “It would be nice to support his livelihood, but I’d feel bad asking him to bring us around.” I turn to Jimin, unthinkingly placing my heart in my eyes as I entreat him to reconsider.

Taking in the thin, old man resting his forearms on the bicycle handles as he waits for the traffic light to change, Jimin nods his agreement. “You’re right, I can’t in good conscience hire a man at least twice my age to do that.”

So it’s with mixed feelings that I open the map on my phone to determine where we are. When the phone loads, I sigh with relief. We’ve somehow walked all over Georgetown to end up almost next to our next destination, Chowrasta Market, which is in turn a mere 5-minute walk from our hotel. The large three-storey building looks ordinary from afar, but when we get closer, my eyes widen at the selection of goods in the shops on the ground floor. “Oooh.” Lines and lines of pickled fruits and local titbits remind me of some of the stalls in Korean markets. The vibrant colours of the pickled fruits match the packaging of the snacks, making me go crazy trying to decide what to buy.

Sensing that a lot of time is about to be spent choosing snacks, followed by a lot of money traded, leading to him carrying a lot of things, Jimin interjects. “Why don’t we check out the other floors first? That way we don’t have to carry our purchases everywhere.”

“Okay,” I agree readily, but also absent-mindedly, and he has to take me by the hand to lead me further in towards the escalator. The first floor of the market is nowhere near as exciting as the ground floor to me at first glance. There are some clothing stores, which don’t manage to catch mine or Jimin’s interest. However, as we walk towards the back of the building, a familiar musty smell greets my nose, putting me on alert. Even as we walk in its direction, I start to lean forward, trying to get a good look as soon as I can. “Are those… books?”

They really are. Several tiny stores filled to the brim with second-hand books – so many that we can barely walk between the shelves. Some people may find the air stale and stuffy, but I see it as staunch, ancient guardians protecting hidden treasures. And some of the books are real treasures; with the help of the shopkeepers, we unearth books in every topic under the sun, some of them a little worse for wear, but the newer releases – like the Harry Potter series – look practically brand new. I don’t find any books in Korean, which isn’t surprising, but I do discover a first edition of a title in the Lord of the Rings series. It isn’t in the best condition, sadly, but it makes me wonder what else I could find had I had the time to thoroughly comb the enormous collection of books. We barely made a scratch before Jimin cautions me against bringing home too many things.

Since I know I won’t be able to decide which book to buy, I decide to not get anything. Pangs of regret echo silently within me as we leave, but then I remember that a plethora of food stalls are supposed to line the few streets next to the market. Picking myself up, I grab Jimin’s arms with an excited grin. “Hey, why don’t we walk a bit more to the food stalls?”

“More walking?” Jimin despairs at the thought.

“It’s just a block or two from here.” As we go down the escalator, I pull him towards the exit by his arm, boding no arguments.

“What about the snacks you wanted to buy?” Digging his heels in, Jimin gestures towards the goods in the small shops we’re passing by, desperately attempting to keep further steps at a minimum.

Sadly for him, I already have a plan of action in mind, and there’s nothing he can do to dissuade me. Shaking my head, I explain to him the logical steps that we should take. “We’ll be passing by this place again on our way back to the hotel. We can buy them then.” As an answer to Jimin’s subsequent whine of protest, I tell him, “Shopping on an empty stomach will make you buy more than you should. So we need to get some sustenance before we buy these.”

Jimin may be following my lead out of the market and opposite the direction we came from prior to arriving at the market, but his mouth isn’t about to admit defeat so easily. “How can your stomach still be empty after eating so many sweets??”

It doesn’t alleviate his disbelief when he’s informed that I’m looking for one stall in particular – a famous cendol stall. When his question of “What is that?” is met with my answer of “It’s a local dessert,” he scoffs in incredulity.

However, as soon as we cross to the next block, both Jimin and I are easily distracted by the shops lining the ground floor. At first the t-shirts with Penang’s attractions, including the murals printed on them as well as the colourful clothes draw our attention. As I start to thumb through some trousers with unusual prints hanging on a rack, Jimin ventures inside the shop then quickly calls me over. I suppress a groan. The shops, with their open fronts, are not air-conditioned, and while the temperature has become much more bearable now that the sun is starting to set, I’d rather stay where the wind isn’t just coming from the fans affixed to the walls. But it is worth it. Even though it’s just your typical souvenir – magnets, miniatures of the country’s famous buildings, and other memorabilia – for me it shows what the country’s people are most proud of. An insight to the people’s minds.

There are also bags and purses of different sizes, some bearing similar patterns to the clothes, while some are woven. “Is this what you want, of all things?” Having Jimin’s heavy arm suddenly drop around my shoulder as I examine a beige bag with red square markings makes me grunt and sag a little.

“What’s wrong with wanting this?” To be honest, I don’t actually plan to buy it, but now I’m tempted to, just to be contrary. Jimin really brings out the childish part of me sometimes; a side that I feel is too immature to show others. My head swivels around to stick my tongue out at him for good measure, but then I notice how close his face is to mine. I can just move my head forward a little and kiss him. Alarmed that this thought is the first that comes to mind, I look back down at the bag so quickly I get whiplash.

Jimin doesn’t seem to notice my reaction to his extremely close proximity, because I can feel him shrug nonchalantly at my verbal response. “Mmm, well, if you like it that much, I won’t stop you.” He ruffles my hair affectionately, earning an angrier “Hey!” than I would have normally given him had I not been so flustered, before I saunter back towards the entrance of the shop, right towards the pants that I’d been browsing when he first called me in.

Sensing a possible sale, or, in hindsight, an opportunity to play the responsible cupid, the shopkeeper who has been watching our shenanigans quietly all this while sidles up to me. “That is a good choice, miss. You should ask your boyfriend to buy it for you.” The woman is very young; probably a few years younger than I am, and her speech sounds a little different than Hisyam’s. I sense that she isn’t as fluent as our driver the night before. However, I can understand her perfectly well, and that’s all that matters.

Or perhaps it would have been better if I couldn’t catch her words, because they made me even more agitated. But before I can tell her that Jimin and I are not a couple, she grins brightly and takes my hand in hers, pressing something small into it. “Here, I’ll give you this. Stay safe!”

Curious, I open my hand to see what she has given me accompanied by that suspicious, conspiratorial look. Eyes widening with surprise and hackles raised, I panic; “No no! You–“

“What’s going on?” Jimin walks over, making me shriek in horror and push the condom back into the shopkeeper’s hands then cover them with the bag I’m holding. I’m not sure why I’m so perturbed. It’s not as if I’m the one suggesting that Jimin and I have sex, but damn it, I want to. And I’m deathly afraid that my best friend would somehow figure out my secret, inappropriate desire.

But of course, my startled and over the top reaction only serves to drum up Jimin’s interest. “What are you hiding there?” It isn’t difficult for him to push my hands – and the bag, my only saving grace – away and uncover the little ‘gift’ that the owner thought she’d thoughtfully given to me. What is up with her, anyway?! I thought this is a conservative country! Looking back towards the winking shopkeeper, I decided that she must be a really forward woman, or a foreigner, despite not knowing enough to tell. Either way, the cat’s out of the bag now that Jimin has seen it. Blinking several times blankly at the small packet, Jimin then looks quizzically at me, cocking an eyebrow.

“Oh God.” My mortified groan is muffled by the bag that I’d stuffed my head into, unable to bear the embarrassment.

Needless to say, we don’t buy anything from the shop. The steps we take forward are sluggish and unsteady, just like my emotions. Although Jimin had laughed it off as he’d simply told the shopkeeper that we’re all good the whole time he’d dragged me out of the small shop, his silence now clues me in on the awkwardness that he’s feeling, too. After the row we’d had the night before, I really don’t want this to go on. Must keep my feelings hidden. How hard can it be, right? I’ve done it all these years. No one had ever questioned my friendship with Jimin, so it must have looked easy on the outside. I hope no one would ever find out how torn and beat up I am on the inside.

“Sorry about that,” I broach the incident carefully, wanting to put it behind us instead of making it worse. “She suddenly shoved the… it into my hand.”

“Ah, no worries.” Scratching his head like it doesn’t matter to him, Jimin smiles, but he doesn’t quite look me in the eye. “She must have been desperate to make a sale.”

“That must have been the weirdest tactic I’ve ever seen.” I roll my eyes with a chuckle. Good. This may have started out forced, but it’s sounding more natural to my ears now. Just ignore that the woman had thought that Jimin and I are a couple, and more importantly, how much I want it to be true. We’re really close friends, it’s normal that strangers would think that we’re more than that. Just laugh it off and things will go back to normal. They always do.

Shrugging, Jimin tries to give her some credit. “At least it’s a fresh approach!”

I start to shake my head, but we reach the other end of the building, greeted by the sight of a long line running along the side of the next block, starting at a small, humble stall. “There it is!” I exclaim in excitement, recognising it instantly from the photos I’ve seen online. Jimin’s grunt when I grab his arm to join the line goes ignored, but he doesn’t complain once we’re there, even though I can’t even see the stall from where we’re standing.

Thankfully, the line moves up pretty rapidly. Once we approach the stall, we see why; the green droplet jellies and red beans are already laid out and ready to be scooped into the small bowl with the white coconut milk and brown syrup. The only wait time is caused by the man making shaved ice from the initial blocks with a green machine that takes up almost half their workspace. There isn’t much allowance for chairs and tables by the roadside, so after paying, Jimin and I join the other customers in standing while downing our sweet treat.

“This is sooooo good.” My compliment is backed up by my tilting the remnants of the bowl into my mouth.

“Want to get one more?” Jimin says gamely, and I grin at the offer. Obviously he’d enjoyed it as well, but I shake my head.

“I’d love to, but there are more treats for us to try,” I explain, motioning with my chin away from the direction of the cendol queue. Sure enough, just walking down the road has us stopping every hundred meters or so to check out what this stall or that restaurant had to offer. And not just the local cuisine either! We even come across a Harry Potter café that serves more than just Butterbeer. Penangites sure love their trendy cafes.

It isn’t surprising to hear a local complain over the prices of some of these delectable goodies though. “This much for sotong kangkong?!” A woman about my age gasps after paying the waitress for two plates of some squid dish. I simply listen to her talk to her friends one table away as we skewer our own squid and water spinach, enriched by the dark, savoury sauce that has my taste buds dancing with joy.

Jimin, who is eavesdropping on their conversation too, remarks amusedly, “Looks like we got conned.”

“Not surprising. This place is well known after all. I’m sure they marked up the price since tourists come here a lot,” I muse, unbothered but interested. “It would be nice to have a local show us the good and cheap places. I’m sure there are many that are unknown to us tourists.”

“Hmm,” Jimin hums thoughtfully, but doesn’t say anything else. For a few moments, I watch him in silence, waiting for him to express his train of thought out loud, but he doesn’t continue. By the time we start making our way back to the hotel, we’re so full that the walk is more than welcome. Not as welcome as the stop we make at the Chowrasta Market to buy some snacks – for souvenirs, but I admit to Jimin honestly that I can’t promise that at least half of them might be gone by the time we’re going back to Korea.

The food coma that we fall victim to continues into the late morning the next day, but it’s very well worth it. Both of us sleep so soundly that even the blazing glare of the sun can only make me moan tiredly, trying to shuffle into a better position to continue my slumber. Which is when I come to a realisation that jolts me wide awake.

Jimin’s arms and legs are wrapped around me.

No wonder I feel so snug and warm. It isn’t just all the food breaking down in my stomach. Jimin has hugged me on countless occasions before, but this feels different. More like what a couple would do, while I’ve always thought of our hugs as friendly. Or perhaps I force myself to think that way. I would use all my willpower to make myself pretend that this is the same as well, just for self-preservation. He’s just cuddling me in his sleep after all. It’s not like it’s intentional. Right?

I might have convinced myself, if I didn’t feel a definite, insistent hardness pressing against my butt. Yes, even that is unintentional I’m sure, but my dumb body can’t help reacting to it. Closing my eyes, I stifle another moan – not a sleepy one this time – as I feel how wet I’ve already become in reaction to him.

Against my better judgement, I arch my back, leaning forward and shuffling as subtly as I can into a better position. Tingles that spark like tiny electric shocks when my covered slit comes into contact with Jimin’s clothed morning wood has me stifling a wanton sound of pleasure. I’m not sure if he’s fully hard, but he feels like a good size. Any size would be good, as long as it’s Jimin. My hips rock back and forth, years of depravity leaving me utterly shameless. Unthinking about how wrong it is to take advantage of my unassuming best friend while he’s asleep.

My right hand dives down past the waistband of my shorts and into my panties, seeking the nub that would multiply the pleasure. “Hnn,” I bite my lower lip in an attempt to stop any further sounds from spilling past, while letting my eyelids flutter shut. The better to enjoy this — it is no longer a fantasy I indulge myself in when I’m pleasuring myself. If only I could have more. Deft fingers toy with my clit as I rub my pussy faster against Jimin’s cock. It’s undoubtedly growing bigger. It almost feels like it wants to pierce through the fabric separating us. Even though I’m really just dry humping him, moving by myself, it already feels incredible. What I wouldn’t give to have it inside me, giving my weeping pussy just what it’s craving. If only these fingers were his; flicking the stiffened bud while whispering in my ear, telling me to come for him...

As if answering my obscene prayers, a deep groan from behind startles me into a frozen statue. Belatedly realising the gravity of my actions, I yank my arm up and out of my shorts. Shit, what the hell am I doing??? However, taking a look at my hand; fingers soaked with my arousal, flowing all the way to my wrist, I have to gulp down another wave of desire. No, this is just too risky.

Heart beating deafeningly in my chest, I stay deathly still for a minute or two, hoping that Jimin hasn’t awoken and realised what I was up to. If he has, I don’t even know how to explain myself to him. Hell, I don’t even know how to explain myself to myself. Thankfully, he seems to be in a deep sleep. Even luckier for me, he just loosens his hold on me, turning onto his back with a deep sigh. Like a rabbit sprung free from a trap, I scoot out of the bed as fast as I can without waking him up. Once I climb off the bed, I spin around to look at him, making sure that he really is asleep. His face is positively angelic in his slumber. It would be painful for me to look at it if it wasn’t such a contrast to the tent that his hard-on is making out of the pristine white sheets. Sheets that would no longer remain unsoiled if only he had any interest in having his way with me. They would turn near transparent – if I’m already this wet from brushing against him and touching myself, what state would I be in if Jimin is the one touching me? If he’s the one rubbing against my clit frantically? If there was nothing separating us, if he’s actually inside me, stroking my inner walls with his hard cock? The beddings will be soaked through.

These traitorous thoughts make me whine out loud without thinking. The way I’m looking at him now is no way someone would look at a best friend. No; as much as I’ve convinced myself that I’ve been keeping my emotions in check, I haven’t been looking at Jimin as just a friend for a very long time.

And if he wakes up to find me drooling and mewling for him, there won’t be hiding it any longer. His breathing isn’t the long, calm ones of one in deep slumber. He could wake up anytime. So I hasten to the bathroom, willing my eyes not to stray towards his obvious yet unintentional arousal.

After swiftly divesting myself of my clothes, I hop into the shower, blasting it on full force. Two seconds later, I have to bite the inside of my cheeks to keep myself from screeching and cursing at the temperature of the water. Somehow I’d managed not only to set it on full force, I had turned it on at the hottest temperature as well.

The cold shower I give myself after hurriedly changing the settings doesn’t do much to clear my mind. My body is crying from rebuffed desire. Clearly this sharing-a-room thing isn’t working out in my favour.

As a compromise to my physical needs that allows most of my pride to remain intact, I turn off the shower and get into the bathtub instead. Reaching for the hose, once again I turn it on full force, but this time only after checking the temperature. Uncaring if it’s shameless to do this when my best friend is asleep on the opposite side of the wall, I open my legs and direct the head between them. The intense pressure of the water hitting my pussy awards me with immediate relief from my pent-up frustration, immediately followed by building pleasure that had been denied from me in the bed just now. Keeping the steady jet continuously hitting my sensitive nub with my left hand, I reach down with my right to trace my slit. It’s completely drenched, and I know that it’s not all from the water coming out of the faucet.

My middle and index fingers slip past my entrance easily. Scooting down the tub to get into a better, lower position with only the upper half of my torso resting against the wall of the tub, I begin to move my fingers in and out of my warm depths. Pretending that it’s Jimin’s cock that I’d felt against my pussy, the memory still fresh, I burn the sensation inside my mind to last me for all time. Soon I’m panting and moaning, though still of sound enough mind to be careful not to utter his name out loud, but unable to stop the aroused sighs that fall out of my mouth at the thought of him doing all of this to me, and more.

The fantasy brings me to a climax in record time with a loud cry that I hope is masked by the sound of running water and thick stained glass. Just in case Jimin is awake, I try to clean myself up as fast as I can. If I’m lucky, maybe he’d still be asleep.

When I step out of the bathroom, he’s still on the four-poster, turned onto his side with his back facing me once more. However, I can see movement underneath the sheets that tells me that he is no longer asleep. Is he… masturbating? Even though it’s covered, I can see his right arm moving rapidly, almost desperately. His breathing is unsteady, just like mine was right before in the bathtub.

A part of me that must be sick and perverted wants to watch him. I stand rooted on the spot with my hand on the doorknob, fascinated, longing to see him pleasure himself. Dying to help him do it. Already my center is reacting again. I’m so ready for him. I’ve been ready for him for so long.

But before I can rationalise continuing to watch my best friend masturbate like a total creep, unthinkingly I release my hand from the door of the bathroom, causing it to close shut with a sharp click. Jimin immediately stills, confirming to me that my suspicions were right. The sound also brings me back to my senses. What should I do now?

In the end, I opt for the safe option, the one that I’ve chosen over and over and over again. Striding past the bed, I greet him as normally as I can. “Hey, wake up, we’ve already wasted half a day just snoozing.”

I’m sure that Jimin is going for a sleepy grunt, but it came out sounding more like a horny groan than anything else to my ears. To keep things from becoming awkward, I pretend not to notice it. Instead, I open the wardrobe in the corner of the room, giving him a chance to hightail it to the bathroom with my back turned to him. He grabs the opportunity readily. As he showers, I dress quickly then let myself out onto the balcony, closing the doors behind me. It’s so much easier to tell myself that he hadn’t heard my shameless moans while I was inside the bathroom if I don’t hear him making them either.

Since he doesn’t comment on it, I assume that he either really didn’t hear me in the bathroom, or that he’d rather not say anything in case I saw him and return the favour. I’m more than happy to just pretend nothing had happened. Especially the fact that I used him to get myself off, although I’m pretty sure he’s oblivious to that. Otherwise I doubt he’d let me go on for as long as I did. Masturbating is something normal, he’d probably spare me the embarrassment even if he hadn’t been caught doing it himself. But using your best friend for your own orgasm is something else entirely.

So, with me neglecting to say anything about sorting out his morning wood – which is completely understandable – and him either not knowing that he wasn’t the only one who got off today, or choosing not to mortify me by saying that he does, the afternoon is spent in peace at Batu Feringghi. It doesn’t cost us much to get a driver to bring us to the long stretch of beach less than half an hour from Georgetown. Going there on a weekday means that we’re spared from the throng of people I’m sure would flock the tranquil strip of sand and sea on weekends. The salty wind is refreshing on my skin; perfect after a proper rest the night before.

Even more perfect than the breeze hitting my face and whipping through my hair is having Jimin by my side, leisurely walking in a more or less straight line marked by the water kissing the sand. We’re close enough that the gentle waves wash over our feet every few seconds, but not too deep into the sea that we’re wet past our ankles. I want to go on like this forever, strolling next to Jimin, feeling like a real couple.

It isn’t long before the blissful walk morphs into a food outing though, as it has always been on this trip, when we spot a stall further up the beach and Jimin wiggles his eyebrows as he asks me if I want to check the food out. He knows me well, so I can see how he immediately thought that’s what I wanted. However, this time, I’d really rather just spend some quality time with him. No words or anything else needed. Just basking in his presence, soaking in the happiness I feel simply by having him here with me. Once we get back to Seoul, we’ll get caught up in the flow of our own lives again. With people we know all around us, we will truly go back to being just best friends. He will get a girlfriend, and I’ll probably find another boyfriend to fill in the emptiness that can never be satiated by anyone other than Jimin. Is it wrong of me to want to continue this make-believe game of being his girlfriend a little bit longer, even if it’s only in my head?

Of course, it’s not as if I can tell Jimin any of this out loud. Plastering a smile on my face instead, I jokingly praise him, “Wow, when did you learn to read my mind?” and start off towards the stall ahead of him. His, “Oy, wait for me!” is met with laughter, but it rings hollow in my ears. I bounce and skip along, but it’s hard to do so and maintain a steady foothold on the ground thanks to the soft sand giving way underneath my feet. My body feels unbalanced, struggling to remain upright despite – or perhaps because – of the jolly movements I’m forcing upon myself, parallel to the emotions I’ve been keeping inside me for so long. Always on the verge of crumbling, threatening to fall into the unknown, even as I put up a front of being Jimin’s happy best friend.

Blinking back tears, I clear my throat as I stop in front of the stall to read the menu. “What is this?” Pointing to a foreign word on the small white board propped in front of me, I ask the young guy, barely a man, manning the stall as Jimin steps up next to me, bumping my shoulder on purpose.

“Oh, uhm…” he looks visibly flustered, eyes moving all over the separated goods on his workspace as he tries to find the words in English to answer my question. He must be taking care of this place for someone. He seems new and a little inexperienced with customers. I feel bad for him, but I still want an answer, so I wait patiently, flashing him an encouraging smile.

Jimin is quick to take pity on him. “Well, all that matters is that it tastes good, right?”

Given an out, the young man breathes a sigh of relief, obviously feeling more at ease. “Miss, pasembur is a mixture of all these things,” he makes a sweeping gesture towards the ingredients laid out on the table in front of him, “covered with peanut sauce. Can you handle a bit of spice?”

Placated by his effort to explain, I lean forward to look at the dry stuff he has sorted out in different containers. Some shredded cucumbers and turnips, bean sprouts, fried tofu and a fried pancake-looking thing that looks crispy. “Yeah, I love spicy food!”

The ingredients just need to be put together in a large plate, and soon Jimin and I are sitting at one of the tables propped up around the stall under a leafy tree. Both of us take the chairs on opposite sides, so we can enjoy the view of the sea as we sip our coconut juice straight from the fruit. Halfway through our afternoon snack, Jimin muses, “I wonder how much weight we’ve put on since we’ve been here?”

His question makes the mouthful I have in my mouth hard to swallow. “Ugh, must you think about that? We’re supposed to enjoy our holiday with no worries!” I wag my fork at him grumpily, reaching for a glass of ice I’d asked from the boy to wash down the food with the cool, melted water.

My chiding rolls off of him like water off a duck’s back. “If I’m going to continue going with you for more food after this, I’m gonna have to make some space,” he says playfully, getting up with a gesture towards the small building that houses restrooms a few hundred meters away.

“Ew!” After sending a chuckling Jimin off by flinging what’s left of the ice in my cup at him, I turn back to the remnants of our food. The peanut sauce is only mildly spicy, but still very enjoyable. We’ve found out that the fried pancake-like thing is actually prawn fritters, but I like the turnip the most. Coupled with the heavier peanut sauce, the juice that flows into my mouth when I bite the turnip provides a refreshing, contrasting taste that reinvigorates my senses. As I try to pick out the turnip strips among the few other toppings left over, a man I haven’t seen before pulls the stool next to mine.

Confused, I give the surroundings a quick glance before turning back to him. Only one other table is occupied. The rest are empty. Even while sitting, I can tell he’s taller than many Malaysians I’ve seen so far. He’s fair-skinned, and although he looks Asian, he doesn’t look quite like a Malaysian – I’ve seen many of the main three races of Malaysians; Malays, Chinese and Indians – and I’m no expert, but there’s something about him that tells me that he’s a tourist, too. “Excuse me, why are you sitting here?”

“So I can take a better look at you, cutes,” he responds arrogantly, turning me off in a split second. Trying to find someone to hook up with on his vacation, I suppose.

Frowning, I pointedly continue spearing one of the small nuggets of the pasembur with my fork, uncaring of what I choose to pop into my mouth in a show of blowing him off. “Well, I don’t care to look at you, so please leave.”

As expected, he’s not going to give up so easily. “I came over ‘cause you look really bored, sitting here alone by yourself. The name’s Charlie. Why don’t you come with me? My room is just over at that hotel,” he points towards one of the ritzy resorts by the beach, but I refuse to give him the satisfaction by looking at it. “I’ll show you a fun time.”

“No, tha–“ I start to turn him down again, but he grabs my hand, uninterested in my response.

“Hey! Ah, uhm…” Before I can put up a struggle to get myself free, we’re stopped by the boy taking care of the stall. From the way his words are coming up in short stutters, it’s clear that he’s scared out of his wits. Yet he’s still standing up to the much bigger man for my sake. “The miss has a boyfriend!”

“Eh?” Charlie looks from the boy to me, then scans the open space. “Where is he then?”

“Uh.” Great. What am I supposed to tell him now?

But before I can think of a reply, he shrugs indifferently. “Just ditch him, then.”

Again, I start to pull away from him, but this time it’s Jimin who stops us in our tracks. “What’s going on here?” His tone is light, but I can sense the undercurrent of what I’ve named the Angry Jimin; the quiet man who speaks in a soft voice, hiding a dangerous persona that can cut a person with one cold look. In all the years I’ve known him, I can probably count the number of times I’ve seen Jimin like this with the fingers on one hand, but the departure from the usual Jimin that I know is so drastic, there’s no mistaking it when he’s truly furious like this. Even though I know that I’m not in the wrong, he has me shaking in my flip-flops.

Charlie, on the other hand, does not recognise the cue signalling that he’s in hot water. “Who are you?” Then, making the same assumption as the boy, “what, are you her boyfriend?”

Afraid of what Jimin might say and its consequences – not just about Charlie, but I selfishly can’t bear to hear him say that he’s not my boyfriend, either – I wrestle away from Charlie’s grip, rushing forward towards Jimin to link my arm around his. “Yeah, he’s my boyfriend.”

My unexpected move confuses Jimin, earning a bewildered expression from him, but Charlie doesn’t seem to care either way. “Tch. Look man, don’t be such a spoilsport. I just want to borrow her for a couple of hours. Or do you wanna come join us too? I hate sharing, but I’m sure we can find someone for you, too. If you don’t mind ‘em ugly,” he laughs nastily, reaching out for me again.

However, Jimin snaps out of his bafflement quickly, and snatches Charlie’s wrist in a firm grip before he can get his hand on me. “Do not touch her.” Jimin’s icy voice intimidates Charlie, I can tell, as the latter hesitates for a moment. But he waves away the warning.

“Aw, c’mon. I–aaaaaaargh!” Charlie’s flippant tone hikes up several notches as his knees buckle, attempting to wrench out of Jimin’s grip, which has tightened so much that his hand is starting to bend at an unnatural angle. Once he manages to get out of it, he backs up several large steps, staying clear out of Jimin’s reach. “What the fuck, man! I thought we were cool! If you’re going to be such a stick about it, you could’ve just said something!”

Now that his switch has been turned on, Jimin is in no mood for any tomfoolery. “I told you not to dare lay a hand on her. Now. Fuck Off.” His words still come out composed and almost unaffected, but his normally smiling eyes now have a malicious glint to them, and even Charlie has learnt his lesson.

We leave the place soon after he does, after I thank the boy for standing up for me. Both Jimin and I know where we’re heading to next; I told him our plans before we headed out a few hours earlier, and I think that we’re walking in the right general direction, but neither of us are checking if we’re going the right way. When the heart is lost, does it matter where the body goes? I’m not sure what’s going on with Jimin, though. He isn’t checking if we’re going the right way, and he doesn’t seem to care, either. I’d ask him what’s bothering him if I wasn’t so preoccupied myself. Having him protect me like that made me ecstatic, even though I was also scared back there. But the aftermath is excruciating. Having him act like he’s my boyfriend, as short-lived as it was, only makes it more painful to face reality. He will be that for another lucky girl, one day, forever. But that girl isn’t going to be me.

While I’m musing on the thoughts that I’ve been burying for ages and plan to do so until the end of time, Jimin isn’t planning on taking the same approach. I should never have worried about asking him what’s wrong – he’s going to address it himself without any prodding from me. “You could’ve just told that ass that your boyfriend is back at home.”

Frayed nerves and a permanently broken heart immediately fuel the ire that rises inside me at his comment. Is that really important? “Do you really think he would have left me alone if I’d said that? He was trying to take off with me even with you there,” I bite off bitterly.

Jimin sighs, unable to argue with the validity of my statement. “I guess that’s true. I just wish I didn’t have to pretend to be your boyfriend to chase him away.”

“Why, is the idea of being my boyfriend that horrible to you?” No, wrong thing to say. I shouldn’t lash out like this. I’m only inviting trouble. But I can’t stop. Jimin might have not done anything wrong, but I still can’t help being resentful towards him for this. I can’t stop hating myself for still being hung up over him. He might not have meant anything hurtful by it, right now and back then, but it doesn’t stop it from eating away at me, turning me into an ugly monster inside.

At least he has enough wits to recognise that he’d put his foot in his mouth. “No, I didn’t mean–“

“Just stop.” I don’t want to hear it. I can’t bear it. His meaning is crystal clear. It always has been. Jimin just doesn’t see me as anything more than a friend. However, if I hear the exact words, I don’t think I can handle it. All of me wants to run far from him, but I can’t do that without appearing even more suspicious than I am now. So I settle for increasing my walking speed just short of a run, surprising Jimin as I leave him behind to cross the road. The few seconds it takes for him to wait for the cars to pass and lengthen his strides to return to my side grants me a bit of time to furiously blink my tears away, clearing my throat. I hope he’d missed the way my voice cracked just now.

“Hey, what’s up with you?” Jimin pulls me to the curb, holding me by the shoulder to face him. “You’ve been acting weird. I didn’t mean to offend you, it’s just–“

“It’s nothing. I’m fine,” I throw out fake words meant to reassure him, using my phone as an excuse not to look at him. “Just checking the direction for the night market.” My thumb shakes with the rest of me, making it difficult to type, but I will myself to make it steady. I can’t break down now. Not after all this time, in the middle of the road in a foreign country, no less.

“No, you’re not.” It isn’t the same Jimin that had dealt with Charlie earlier, but I can tell that I’m trying his patience. Still, I can’t tell him. If I do, not just this trip; everything will fall apart. And I need Jimin more than I need air. If I can only have him as a friend, then I’ll take it with the heartbreak that comes with it.

“Just let it go. Please, Jimin,” I plead with him, finally tilting my face up towards his concerned one. The annoyance on his face crumbles when he sees the raw agony I know I can no longer hide. My watery eyes that betray a world of pain, even if he doesn’t know why. His hold on me loosens, then releases me, his arms falling limply to his sides. The last thing I want is to see him like this. It’s even worse because I’m the cause. But there’s nothing else I can do. “I’m sorry.”

“If you think it’s best for you, I’d do anything,” Jimin says, not asking for an explanation. “Just know that you can come to me about anything. Anything at all. I would always be there for you.”

I nod appreciatively, thinking to myself that he can’t be the medicine to the disease that he himself has created. “Thank you,” I whisper. We stand like that for a while, ignoring other people walking by us, some peering curiously at two foreigners just frozen there. Wiping my tears as discreetly as I can with him watching, I take a few deep breaths, determined to return to my normal self again – as normal as I can be, anyway – and get this day back on track. It has been a roller coaster so far.

The night market spanning along the main road and beyond are made of countless makeshifts stalls that light up the descending night. I can see just about everything I can think of here – from the standard souvenirs, to traditional clothes and bikinis, knockoff bags and watches, to paintings. Normally I would have soaked up the atmosphere, growing so excited that I’d border on crazy just trying to decide what to buy and ending up with more goods than I could carry, but somehow I can’t quite muster up the energy. It isn’t the fault of the vendors, who are friendly and inviting, but not too pushy. Nor is it because I’m turned off by the prices; although I do notice that things here are a little overpriced compared to some other places I’ve been to so far. As desperate as I am to return things to how it was before, I can’t get over Jimin rejecting me as a girlfriend. If he doesn’t even want to pretend to be my boyfriend, I can only imagine how much of a turn off it is to him to have it become a reality. And while I’ve known all along that this is how he feels, I’ve spent so long denying it to myself as I pretend on the outside that I’m all good with it. Without anyone knowing, I’ve allowed myself to fantasise being his girlfriend for too long. It’s just daydreaming, I’d thought. Just a fantasy. I know what’s real, I’d told myself. But I didn’t realise that it had made me hope that it would someday come true, and to be forced to face reality like that – it left me in a state of shock. Things are even worse, because I’m here with nowhere to run from him.

It certainly doesn’t help matters that many of the vendors assume that we’re a couple. While not surprising, it makes the air feel more awkward between us, and drives the knife deeper into my heart. I don’t need to be reminded that Jimin doesn’t see me as girlfriend material, no matter how much it may seem differently to everyone else. Every “No, no, we’re just friends,” I tell every friendly seller is a cruel admittance to the fact that I’ve been denying since we were young. Like a punishment for thinking that I can one day have more than I deserve. I couldn’t have been more wrong. And this whole day is just full of occurrences driving the point home, over and over and over. I want to cry my heart out in anguish. I want to scream my lungs out in frustration. And I want to run, to the ends of the earth, and fall off to a place where I can hurt no longer.

I’m sure Jimin knows that something isn’t right with me, but he doesn’t say or ask anything. While I really appreciate that he’s giving me space and keeping his distance so I can lick my wounds as best as I can in such a crowded place, a foolish part of me still hopes that he cares. His suggestion that we call it a night and get an early start tomorrow after popping for dinner at a food court wedged among the stalls is a very welcome one. At this point I just want to sleep and forget all this ever happened. The latter might be too much to ask for, but I can’t imagine that some rest would make anything worse than it already is.

“When I said an early morning, I didn’t mean this!”

Jimin’s whining is ignored, although he doesn’t notice me giggle softly at his dismay. I’m glad that a few hours’ sleep is enough to restore the normalcy between us. At least that’s how it looks on the surface. My own feelings for him, now escalated to an irreversible state, have been repressed back inside me, where they have been kept carefully under lock and key for as long as I’ve realised them. And I tell myself that I’m okay with this. I’ve always known that Jimin will forever be my best friend, and only that. It was just my stupidity that kept embers of hope burning within that it might somehow change. As long as I can extinguish my impossible wishes, I can hold onto what I have – Jimin’s friendship. That is more than enough. It has to be. The alternative is to confront him with the truth, and lose him.

So I choose to maintain this delicate equilibrium. What happened yesterday should never come to pass again. I was careless, foolishly allowing my real feelings to surface. That mistake should never be repeated. Hopefully Jimin would think that I’m just still upset about Se Hoon, and leave it at that. Jimin has never been all that keen on talking too much about my boyfriends. The time we spend together has always been for just the two of us. We may chat about our partners once in a while, just to check in on the other person, but we never delved into it. I never cared to talk about my boyfriends when Jimin is the only one I truly wanted, and perhaps Jimin has never had much to share about his relationships, either. It would just be frustrating if I had to listen to him talk about them, so if he doesn’t say anything, I’ve never asked.

Addressing him from the front on the narrow dirt path, I point out, “It’s not that early, you know,” then yelp as I almost stumble over a root jutting out of the ground.

“Look out!” Relying on his animal-like reflexes, Jimin rushes forward and seizes me by the arms before I tumble to the ground. Wrapped in his arms, his sweat and slightly heavier breathing from the exertion of our exercise should be anything but romantic, but as I look up into his soft eyes, filled with concern, I can hear my heartbeat pounding erratically in my ears, and I know it’s not because we’ve been navigating this leafy terrain over the past half hour. Even in this awkward, uncomfortable position, with most of my body weight resting on him and both of us smelling way less fresh than daisies, I can’t help but notice how inviting his lips look from this close proximity. I’d give my whole fortune to be able to kiss them.

No. I’m letting myself fall into the same trap all over again. Before I do anything I will regret later, I clear my throat and extract myself from his embrace. Jimin lets me go readily. “Sorry,” I mumble to hide both my embarrassment and disappointment.

At first, Jimin looks as stunned as I feel, but my movements and apology snaps him out of it. “I told you that hiking is a bad idea,” he takes the opportunity to chide me for my choice, in the aggravating I-told-you-so manner only a childhood friend can manage. It automatically incites an immature response in me, pulling me away from my years-old worries, if only for a moment.

“It so isn’t! Just wait until we get there. Besides, it’s the perfect way to burn off all the food we ate.” Finishing with a loud huff, I turn around and continue on the narrow trail towards Monkey Beach, a stopping point on our way to the Muka Head lighthouse in Penang National Park.

We arrive at the beach just a little under an hour later. It’s already midmorning, and the sun has begun its work warming the sand and the water. I had my fill of the beach yesterday, and there’s still more hiking to do before we reach the lighthouse, but I can’t resist running my hand through the clear water and then splashing an unsuspecting Jimin who’d crouched down next to me. “Hey!” He scolds me indignantly as I erupt into laughter; my first uninhibited one since only yesterday, but it seems like forever since I’d last felt such unadulterated joy. The world just isn’t right when things are not going well with Jimin. It makes me more determined to keep everything just as they are. A life where I’m on the outs with Jimin just isn’t right.

If either of us thought that going to Monkey Beach was tiring enough, we’re in for an unpleasant surprise. While the trail to the beach was slightly challenging, it was mostly flat. From the beach to the lighthouse is a far less forgiving climb – one that would have knocked me out if I were in a worse shape than I’m in. Jimin, the fitter one of the two of us, insists that we would have gotten to our destination in less than forty minutes if I hadn’t stopped to catch my breath, but I pretend not to hear his annoying remark, choosing to roll my eyes and stick my tongue out at him when his back is turned.

Despite the journey that was more tiring than we’d bargained for, it’s well worth it now that we’re here. The lighthouse is an old one; there’s nothing really remarkable about its appearance. Our climb is really rewarded by the view that we see from the top of the lighthouse. Jimin makes his way up first, then calls out to me excitedly, and I give up on regaining my strength at the bottom of the lighthouse to join him. The narrow walkway surrounding the lighthouse peak offers us a fantastic view of the islands surrounding this one, and we stand there for a while, just taking in the endless stretch of the blue sea, trying to figure out where it meets the azure sky in the horizon.

The climb down from the lighthouse is significantly easier compared to going in the opposite direction, and we find ourselves back at the beach in no time. “Do you know that we can see turtles here?”

“Where?” The possibility of this gets Jimin on his toes at once, excitedly looking around the beach for any stray turtles wandering around. I can’t help but giggle at his enthusiastic response.

“I don’t know. I read that you might see them here. Maybe we’d have a higher chance to see them at one of the other beaches in the park. It’s a nesting place for the turtles, and the season is right about now.” My clarification disappoints him, and his shoulders sagging makes me want to pull him into a tight hug. “Do you want to go there and see if we can find any?”

At first he brightens up at the idea, then looks at me sceptically. “How far is it from here?”

“Uh…” As much as I like playing tour guide, I’m not actually sure of the answer to his question. “A little far, maybe? The way there uses an almost completely different trail, I think.”

That draws an easy response from him; “pass”. By the time we’ve walked all the way back to the park entrance, had a tasty lunch and got back to our hotel to shower, it’s already late in the afternoon. “The day just flew by,” Jimin remarks as we sit in the car, on our way to our next stop.

“I know, right? But this isn’t bad.” We’re on the main road, surrounded by buildings on our left and right, but we must be on the edges of the island, because I can see glimpses of the sea and the reddish-purplish dusky sky as the car zips by the gaps between the buildings. “It’s kind of relaxing when we’re not rushing from one place to another.”

“I wouldn’t call a morning hike relaxing though,” Jimin mumbles under his breath, earning a playful smack on the arm from me.

The easy-going mood and light banter continue even after we get to Straits Quay, a beautiful marina enclosed by a shopping mall. Perhaps too easy-going, as we indulge in some drinks after dinner. Having western food is definitely a departure from the norm after several scrumptious Malaysian meals, but I don’t mind the change very much. Especially now that the alcohol has made its way into my system – losing my inhibitions is making me tap into my repressed emotions more deeply than usual, and it’s confusing me. While I’m happy that Jimin is here with me, I’m also tired and angry at him for rousing my irrepressible hopes once more.

Without thinking, I’ve downed more than I can handle. I’ve belatedly realised that Jimin is keeping a modest pace, not imbibing even half as much as I have, but at that point, I’m beyond caring. “You should slow down a bit,” he warns me, and only then I put my mug down with a sigh, heeding his advice. “You okay?”

“Mm-hmm.” Although I’m starting to feel a little woozy, I still have a bit of wits about me yet.

Jimin stares at me, trying to judge if I’m still of sound mind. He must have been aiming for the delicate balance between loosening my tight lips and inability to think coherently, and I’ve fallen neatly into his trap. “Is everything going well with Se Hoon?”

“Why, do you think there’s trouble in paradise?” My answer is sharp and bitter out of sheer anger and defensiveness, instinctively seeking to protect myself even when I’m not in the best state to do so.

“I’m just concerned. I know you’re pissed because he bailed out of this trip at the last minute, but you seem more… prickly than I thought you would be,” Jimin hedges, expertly opening my precious treasure box of jealously guarded secrets. I’ve always worried that Jimin knows that I’m keeping something from him. He could always tell when there’s something I’d rather not tell him, and he usually manages to make me spill everything out. Everything… but my real feelings for him.

“And whose fault do you think it is?” I ask testily, not thinking that there can be more than one answer to this question.

“Se Hoon?” Jimin’s wrong answer makes me want to slap my forehead. At this point I’m not sure who’s the stupid one; him or me. Of course he would think Se Hoon is behind my irritable behaviour, but should I have clued Jimin in on my troubles in the first place?

“Not any longer.” His clueless answer bursts the balloon of fury blowing up within me, and I deflate in my seat. How can I expect him to put all the pieces together when I’m withholding so much of them from him? Jimin can’t possibly know that I’m hopelessly in love with him. Not when I’ve done everything that I can to hide it from him. But I’m tired of concealing things. I’ve gotten sick of it for a long time, and it has risen stealthily to the surface, slipping through my defences, biding its time until an opportunity comes for it to spill forth. Like right now. “We broke up just before we came here.”

“Oh.” His response is quiet, and I can’t tell if he’s indifferent, or sad for me, or feeling awkward from the sudden news bomb. “So it wasn’t some business thing that made him cancel the trip?”

“It was business, alright. A meeting with his colleague on his bed.” Funny, I should feel more upset about it, but I’m not. Whatever Se Hoon has done during the course of our relationship has never affected me much one way or another. Naturally he did please me and annoy me at times, but nothing he ever did got to me the way Jimin does. It’s the same for all my past relationships. I’m aware of that. But what else can I do but accept these pseudo relationships, since I can’t have the one I truly want?

Jimin’s brows shoot up upon hearing this, then crash down in a frown, accompanied by some colourful curses under his breath as he processes the information. “Sorry about that. Never liked the smarmy guy anyway. You can do way better,” he rattles off the typical sympathetic words that don’t do anything to lift up my spirits. “You could have just told me though,” he mumbles, almost as an afterthought, but I can tell that he’s offended that I kept it from him. Far from making me feel guilty though, his expectations that I share anything about my half-hearted relationships only serves to stab another wound in my already well-punctured heart.

“Guess I don’t want to feel like an even bigger loser in front of the guy who rejected me before I could even tell him how I feel.” A large lump lodges itself in my throat, obstructing my air flow, but the words come out anyway.

“What do you mean?” Leave it to Jimin to be stymied even after being told outright. “Who are you talking about?”

I don’t know what else I would have blabbed to him if a wave of dizziness didn’t strike me right then. Finally, something – alcohol in this case – saves me from my stupidity, even though it was precisely the same thing that led to my foolish confession in the first place. “Whoa!” Jimin reaches out to steady me, almost upsetting the glasses on the table in the process. “Okay, I think we’ve had enough.”

I’m not sure when or how Jimin paid for our drinks, but he must have somehow, because we made it out of the shopping mall and down at the seafront without anyone hounding us to pay the bill.

It’s hard to believe that this beautiful place is this quiet when the night is still young, but I suppose we have the weekday to thank for that. The sea breeze does wonders to whip me awake, and although I remain tipsy and a little unsteady on my feet, I manage to convince Jimin that I’m up to the night-time stroll without any danger of falling into the sea unsupported in no time at all.

The yachts lined up along the marina give the place a luxurious feeling, while the lights from the high-end apartments above the shopping mall illuminate the scene behind us against the darkness of the night and the mysterious sea before us. A white lighthouse marking the end of the yachts is clearly much newer than the one we visited earlier today. What it lacks in character and history, it makes up in pristine beauty, befitting the dreamlike scenery we’ve found ourselves in. While I’m not exactly in a romantic mood that this setting is obviously perfect for, I can still appreciate the atmosphere. Well, as much as I can while focusing on putting one foot in front of the other without losing my balance.

We turn right at the lighthouse, following the wide walkway past white houses surrounded by greenery; surely a picture-perfect setting had we seen it during the day. Lamps glow softly above us as we walk unhurriedly to the end of the straight path, both unwilling for the idyllic time to end. The silence between us is a companionable one. Jimin and I have never felt the need to fill them with idle chatter if we have nothing to say to each other. Or even when we do, sometimes, like we do now. I’m slowly becoming aware of the fact that I have said something I never should have, but I’m still buzzed enough to not care about the consequences.

However, Jimin, the more sensible of the two of us at the moment, isn’t content with letting things be. By the time we turn around to head back towards the shopping mall, I start to feel the weight of the empty air, filled with burning questions on the tip of Jimin’s tongue. In my heart of hearts, I don’t want to do it, but I look at him nevertheless; a silent permission for him to go ahead and say what is on his mind.

“When you were talking about the guy whom you couldn’t confess to, whom did you mean?”

Somehow I just knew that he’s going to zero in on that. “Does it really matter?” I sigh.

“Of course it does! I want to know who is stupid enough to reject you before you could tell him anything.” He pauses, trying to make sense of the whole thing. Of course he doesn’t know. He isn’t even aware that I know what he said, so long ago. Heck, he probably doesn’t even remember – people don’t tend to remember things that aren’t important to them, anyway. I want to snort in derision at his comment. He doesn’t even know that he’s talking about himself.

I shake my head; partly in mild disbelief, but mostly in hopelessness. The events of yesterday had solidified reality and brought me back down to earth. “It’s not gonna happen, so I’m trying not to think about it. Even if it’s just pretend, I just want to feel cherished, by the right guy, for once.”

Jimin stares at me intently, both of us standing so still we could be mistaken for statues but for our hair and garments swaying gently in the calm breeze of the night sea. I can tell that he wants to say something, to offer me words of comfort, but the agony that I’ve suffered for years must be showing on my face. A pain so deep that nothing he can say can make me feel better. Yet I wait. Hanging onto foolish hope that the source of my sickness can provide me with the remedy I need. An eternity passes by, and I know that there’s nothing he can do. So I give up, and step forward, alone. Perhaps this time I really can leave him behind.

But of course, my feet somehow get tangled with each other, and I start to trip. “Whoa!” Jimin’s quick reaction saves me in a very similar fashion to what happened less than an hour earlier, pulling me back against gravity. “Oof!” Like a big oaf, I stumble heavily into his arms, almost causing him to topple over. He manages to stay upright though, leaving me in a very awkward position; a heart-thumping position that I’ve always longed to be in, and also one that is counter-productive to my aim of forgetting him. “You okay?”

“Mmhmm.” I’m not. Intoxicated, the closest I’ve been to outing myself in ages, in dangerous proximity to the man whom I can never have. Carefully, trying not to lose my balance again and to avoid making it look like I’m pushing him away, I extract myself from his embrace. Immediately my body cries out for the warmth of his body. It isn’t that cold, but my desire for his nearness transcends physical needs. Best to get out of this situation before I start daydreaming again. “Can we go back? I’m not feeling so good.”

Without protest Jimin agrees, helping me call for a driver this time, and soon we’re back in our hotel room. We take turns showering, the motions almost feeling like a routine at this point, like we’ve been living together for years instead of this being only the fourth night we’ve shared a room consecutively. Ever since the ride back to the hotel, we haven’t said much to each other beyond short, necessary things, like, “I’ll pay for the ride.” Rather than awkward, the silence is heavy. Jimin seems lost in his thoughts while I’m just trying to clear my head for the most part. When we lay down on the bed together, I’m more aware of his nearness than ever before.

Skin prickling and thoughts all jumbled up, I shift to rest on my side, facing away from him. Perhaps I can try to get some sleep like this, I try to convince myself even though I’m hyperaware of his presence behind me. Why is this so damn hard? Tears well up behind my eyelids at the futility of it all. Jimin is just a guy. Okay, he’s an amazing guy, and the greatest friend anyone can ask for, but he is still just a normal human being. With flaws. He irritates me at times. We get into arguments and fights. So why is it that I can’t let him go? Why do I still pine for him? Why can’t I fall in love with someone else? It’s not like all my past boyfriends were assholes like Se Hoon. There have been decent guys. Nice guys. Men who are just as good as Jimin. Maybe even better. Why am I not with them? Why didn’t those relationships work out?

A wet sob makes its way out involuntarily, inducing one more, then another. I hope Jimin is asleep, so he doesn’t hear me. Slowly, I begin to slip out from under the covers, trying to keep the pitiful noises wedging in my throat contained, at least until I can make my way to the balcony where I can cry my eyes out. However, before I can reach the edge of the bed, Jimin grabs hold of me from behind, pulling me back against his chest. “Shh,” he whispers soothingly into my ear, stroking me softly without demanding an explanation.

His gentle encouragement eases me to let myself go, drawing up the white blanket up to my face, cupping it as I cry in earnest, drenching the quality cloth with my tears. Although Jimin doesn’t know that he’s the cause behind my sadness, it doesn’t make his tender brand of solace any less comforting. For me, Jimin has always been able to evoke the most extreme emotions within; the highest bliss, the deepest pain, the best comfort. And even though I can’t let it go – perhaps I never will – the overwhelming agony eventually subsides. Tendrils of exhaustion begin to creep in on the edges of my consciousness, as they always do after a good cry. My eyes will probably be bloodshot and puffy tomorrow.

After finding a dry spot on the blanket to wipe them, I twist around in Jimin’s arms to face him again. None of the lights are on in the room, but the pinpricks of light from the lamps outside shine dimly through the thin inner curtains that have been drawn over the glass doors, softly illuminating the room like faraway stars. I can make out Jimin’s kind expression as he looks at me, plump lips curled into a tiny smile. “Thank you.” My gratitude comes in a soft voice, even though I can’t return his smile.

“Anytime,” he answers lightly. The arm that was wrapped around me lifts so he can caress the side of my face tenderly with his hand. His touch feels like heaven, and my eyelids flutter shut, wanting to savour and burn this kind warmth into my memory so I can relive it a million times in the future.

When I open them again, my sight is clearer than before, with all the moisture previously clouding them washed away like they have been wiped by the windshield of a car. Jimin looks so close. Over the course of our friendship, I thought I’ve seen all of Jimin, but this is different somehow. He has never looked so attainable. I’ve never wanted him as much as I want him now, right at the cusp of cementing the determination of letting him go forever.

Against my better judgement, I shuffle closer to him, but he doesn’t move away even though he’s now just a hair’s breadth away from me. We’re so close, our breaths are mingling together. His palm is still cradling my cheek. Perhaps I’m deluding myself, but he’s looking at me as if… as if he actually loves me. I’m not sure what came over me, but I lean forward, doing what I’ve always wanted to do but never had the courage to in all the years of knowing him;

I kiss Jimin.

Even though I can feel his surprise from the way his body stiffens and his lips part in astonishment, I keep my eyes squeezed tightly shut, afraid of his reaction now that I’ve taken the plunge. I don’t know what’s possessing me to make such a rash move after holding back for so long, and I’m sure I’ll live to regret it. Either from the embarrassment of being rejected, or from losing Jimin’s friendship. Maybe both. But right at this moment, I don’t care. If I’m never going to have him, the least I can ask for is one kiss, and savour it as much as I can before he pushes me away.

However… he doesn’t do anything of the sort. Quite the opposite, actually. Once he’s gotten over my unexpected move, his arms wrap around me once more, but this isn’t the tender hold meant to comfort me. No, Jimin is squeezing me with a strength that I’m not even aware he possesses, his hand cupping the nape of my neck so he can kiss me more passionately. His tongue teases my bottom lip; not making its way into my mouth, but rather content tracing my lips, as if getting to know every corner of it before going further. It’s like he’s turned the tables on me, leaving me in shock. But not for long. It’s impossible not to react when Jimin’s soft lips are melding into mine, his breaths fanning across my face, the sensations too real for it to be a dream.

It gets even more vivid as his body, much like his mouth, brushes intimately against mine, and I feel the unmistakable evidence of his desire against my stomach. My own body jumps to life immediately. I can feel my blood heating up with need, my leg hugging one of his so I can press my aching pussy against it, and I moan into his throat wantonly. The sound rouses Jimin from his trance, and finally he does what I’d expected him to do from the very start. Sitting up, he breaks the kiss, leaving me disappointed, befuddled and breathless. I hadn’t thought about how I would feel about his reaction – or rather, I didn’t expect that he’d only push me away after reciprocating my kiss, and thus have no clue what to think of it – but his fierce scowl has me trembling in fear. What have I done? Why is he like this?

“Why did you do that?” Jimin’s voice is rumbling and low, a sure-fire mark of seething anger, and this time I’m on the receiving end. I open my mouth to explain, then close it again. No words will come out. How am I supposed to explain myself? Even if I’m honest with him about my feelings, I already know what his answer will be. While I’ve gone and done the stupidest thing possible, I still can’t bear to hear the rejection from him as he looks straight into my eyes. Seeing that no answer is forthcoming, he bites out, “Do not test me like this.”

He extricates himself from me none too gently, almost kicking my leg off of him so he can get out of the bed. Still trying to gather my wits, I sit up, wanting to call out for him, but he looks back at me, his eyes narrowed in fury as if anticipating what I will do and daring me to do it. I draw back like a frightened deer and let him leave the room. The door closes shut softly, but in the silence of the night following what had transpired, it’s as loud and final as a booming thunderclap in the sky. As much as I want to go after him, I know that’s not a good idea. Especially when I don’t know what to say. What did he mean by testing him? Me kissing him might have been a stupid decision, or even a drunken mistake, but it certainly wasn’t a test. I can’t figure him out. Heck, I can’t even figure myself out.

Even though I should be tired, sleep eludes me tonight. I can’t stop thinking about my unrequited love for Jimin, what happened tonight, the incident that occurred so long ago and all the time in between. With my exhausted body and my overloaded brain wrestling for control, I slip in and out of consciousness several times during the course of the night, but when the darkness is lightened by dawn, I’m still no closer to figuring anything out than I was in the beginning.

Jimin hasn’t returned to the bed, either. A blessing, perhaps, because I can’t face him right now. I’m not sure if I can look at him in the eye ever again. After taking a quick shower, I get dressed and make my way out of the bedroom. As expected, I see him passed out on the sofa in the living room. Guilt hikes up my conscience. I should’ve been the one to take the couch, not him. He hasn’t done anything wrong. But instead of waking him up to tell him to sleep on the bed, I tiptoe out of the room, praying that he wouldn’t wake up.

Yes, I’m running away like the coward I am.

At first I wanted to just leave, but I remember that we’re not in Korea, and my disappearing without notice could cause real panic. So I scribbled a simple note saying, ‘Going out for some fresh air. See you later.’ and left it on the small wooden table next to the couch Jimin was sleeping on before slipping out. It doesn’t diminish my guilt for abandoning him on a trip like this, but it does lessen it somewhat.

Not enough for me to enjoy the time by myself, though. Even though the nasi lemak highly recommended by locals and tourists alike hits all the spicy and yummy levels on the scale, the rich coconut rice accompanied by fried anchovies and peanuts, slices of cucumber, boiled egg and fried chicken – talk about decimating two generations in one go – is only enough to fill my stomach, not my happiness meter. I stay long after my food is gone, sipping the milk tea absent-mindedly until late morning, when I figure some of the touristy places must be open by now.

Using the handy app, I get drivers to take me around a temple and a museum, but as interesting and beautiful as they are, I’m unable to get myself to enjoy them. After ending up walking aimlessly and failing to take anything in, I accept the fact that I’m just wasting my time. Resolving to find a way out, I pop into the first café that I see. With a clear aim in mind, I try to focus, forcing myself to push past the dense fog of self-loathing and denial.

Yet still almost an hour later, I can’t think of anything to say to Jimin. Is there any excuse for acting as moody as I have been, lashing out at him, then getting stupidly drunk and making a move on him like that? On top of that, I even walked out while he was sleeping. He has every right to be royally pissed off at me. Knowing Jimin though, he’s too kind to be mad at me for long. He really is more than I deserve. Looks like I’ll have to be angry at myself for the both of us. And I think that I’m doing the job quite well on my own.

In the end when I pull out my phone, instead of a long explanation that Jimin deserves, I type, ‘Jimin, I’m really, really sorry. I wasn’t in my right mind. Please let me know how I can make it up to you.’

Before I can close the chat, a reply from Jimin appears on the screen. ‘When will you be back?’

I hesitate, wondering which answer would be the right one. Does Jimin want me to come back, or is he so angry that he wishes not to see me, at least for a little while? ‘Do you want me to go back now?’

While waiting for Jimin to type out his answer, I fidget in my seat, belatedly weighing my choice of words. Did I sound like an errant child who is being questioned by her parents about her whereabouts? Or did it sound like a desperate admirer finally being given the time of day? The latter is probably closer to the truth, I laugh deprecatingly at myself. Jimin’s reply, however, doesn’t fall within my expectations;

‘The sooner the better.’

Curiosity filling me to the brim, I quickly make my way back to the hotel. Why on Earth would Jimin want me to come back as soon as I could? Does he not want to do anything touristy by himself? Or does he want to scold me? Or… does he want to continue where we stopped last night? I shake my head in disbelief at my foolish dreams. As if he’d want to do that. Pushing me away and sleeping on the couch made his rejection painfully clear.

Heart threatening to burst out of my chest in anticipation and fear, I pause for a minute to take a deep breath before opening the door to the hotel room that Jimin and I share. “Sorry I–“

“There you are.” Jimin greets me with a smile that has my pulse racing. Memories of last night flood my mind just at the sight of him, but somehow Jimin is acting like nothing had happened. I should be relieved, but for some reason I feel dismayed. Did the kiss mean nothing to him after all? After pushing me away and going so far as to sleep on the couch, I thought my coming onto him had an effect – anger, frustration, befuddlement – something. Anything. I’d risked everything for that kiss. And for a second, I was sure that he’d kissed me back. It doesn’t seem like something that can be swept under a rug. I was expecting a severe scolding. A less sane part of my brain feeds to the hope that he would pull me into his arms and kiss me, just as passionately as we did last night. However, he’s just walking around the room, collecting things as he speaks. It feels anticlimactic.

“Have you had lunch?”

I shake my head. I’ve only had a cup of coffee at the café while I agonised over what to say to him. I haven’t given a thought about lunch. Looks like all that effort was just a waste of time.

“Good. Are you ready to go? Let’s grab some food together,” he says, swiping up keys from the small table where I’d left the note for him this morning.

“Uh, okay,” I reply stupidly, not really being given a choice, as Jimin strides past me to get the door. He is acting slightly weird, but at least he doesn’t seem outwardly angry at me. I’m not sure if this is better, but my instincts tell me to go with the flow, so I follow him out of the building without protest.

“Where are we going?” Instead of waiting at the hotel lobby to call a driver, he leads me to the parking lot next to the hotel. My bewilderment deepens when he presses a button on the set of keys and a silver sedan unlocks with a flash of lights and a friendly beep. “How did you–?”

“Rented it,” Jimin answers simply, opening the passenger door and beckoning me in. In my state of confusion, I thought he wanted me to drive, but then I remember that here the driver’s seat is on the right, not the left. “It’s not that hard to find, and I can just leave the key at the hotel lobby for the owner to collect later.”

“Okay…” It doesn’t really answer the question I have in mind, but I’m not even sure what I want to ask, so I suppose this answer is as good as any.

“Buckle up.” Before I can follow up on his instructions though, he reaches over my seat to pull the seat belt and strap me in. When his body brushes against mine, all the air whooshes out of my lungs, like I’ve been hit in the stomach. He may be able to do it but no, I can’t pretend last night didn’t happen. But I want to remain friends with Jimin more than anything else, so I don’t comment on it, even if I can’t act as nonchalantly as he is.

He has no problem driving on the opposite side, easing out of the parking and making his way down the small alley to join the busy main road with no issues. The only thing that might clue anyone in that he’s not actually from around here is his phone on its holder on the dashboard, displaying the directions to our destination on the navigation app. It says that we will take about forty minutes to get there, but not the actual location we’re headed to. “Where are we going?” I repeat my question from earlier. “Is it too far to get a driver to drive us there?”

“Hmm.” Instead of answering me, Jimin glances at the screen of his phone. “It’ll take us a little under an hour to get there, so I guess it is kind of far, or maybe too expensive?”

“Uh.” I’m not sure what to say to that. How am I supposed to know how much it’ll cost us to get there with a driver, or how far is ‘far’? A question better kept to myself, because I’m sure Jimin would find it ridiculous if I voice it out loud. Why ask when I’ve no idea what I want to get out of it?

“It doesn’t matter, anyway,” Jimin continues, seemingly knowing what I want to say when I don’t even know it myself, as usual. “I’d like to spend some quality time alone with you, just the two of us. It’s not the same when there’s a driver here.”

“Oh... okay.” My dead heart sputters weakly to life, but I tell myself not to read too much into it. Isn’t that what always gets me into trouble and hurts me in the first place? “It does feel a little awkward to chat between the two of us when there’s someone else there.” Yeah, that sounds like what a friend with no romantic feelings would say on the matter.

Laughing, Jimin nods, agreeing with my statement. “I totally get you! Even if we’re not speaking in English, I feel really guilty when we don’t include them in the conversation.”

“It’s the worst when the driver is totally quiet and unfriendly!” Relieved, I catch Jimin’s jovial, cheerful energy and run with it, happy that this car ride isn’t going to be as awkward as I was afraid it would be.

“What about those who play awful music?” Jimin challenges.

“No, no, that’s still not as bad as the ones who don’t play anything and won’t say a word!”

In this vein, we continue merrily all the way along the coastline of the island. “Look, Jimin, there’s an island over there!”

“Hmm?” Taking his eyes off the road for a moment, he briefly looks in the direction I’m pointing at. “Oh, that’s pretty close, isn’t it? I wonder what island it is.”

“Yeah, there’s a ferry making its way over there,” I inform him as I figure out the keywords to type into my phone to find out about the island. “Turns out it was a leprosarium, then became a quarantine station, and then a prison, but now it’s a resort.”

“Yikes, that’s weird.” Jimin cocks his head, unsure whether to laugh or disapprove. His sentiment echoes mine.

“I know, right?” Casting a look at the cluster of buildings I can see from inside the car, I try to reason the decision behind building a resort there. “Maybe there’s something that still draws people to it, even with its history.”

“Maybe.” His concentration back on driving, Jimin simply agrees with my assumption. “Maybe we can check it out next time.”

Next time? Just two words can make my mind race with endless possibilities, but I force myself not to think about them. It’s probably Jimin making polite conversation. I watch him steer the car smoothly out of the exit, gliding onto the spacious bridge that spans out almost ninety degrees away from the island. “You’re really good at this.” Grasping for a topic that would take my mind off his vague invitation to come to the island again, I comment on his superb driving skills on the left side of the road.

“Oh, yeah, it’s not my first time.” Even though he tries to play it off coolly, I can make out the smug smile yanking at the corners of his lips. It’s so easy to make Jimin happy — just a praise and he’d be on cloud nine. Like a cute puppy. I try not to laugh at the imagery. “Several of the countries I’ve been to also drive on this side.”

“Oh... really.” Just like that, the wind is blown right out of my sails. Are these the trips that he’d invited me to, but I couldn’t go either because of work or because I thought that going on one with him would be too much for me to take? Whom did he go with? Were other girls there with him? My jeans are too unforgiving for me to grab, so I clench my fists around nothing; the dull pain of my nails digging into my palm feeling like a punishment I very much deserve. I don’t have the right to ask or even think of any of this. The more I ponder on it, the more pain I’ll put myself through; I know this, I’ve told myself countless times, yet I still can’t stop myself from doing it.

Thankfully, just then, Jimin’s stomach roars past my troubled thoughts. “Have you eaten anything?” I ask him guiltily, remembering that I’d left him to his own devices just this morning.

“Yeah, just something light near the hotel.” He grins sheepishly, his right hand leaving the steering wheel to push his hair back to cover his embarrassment. Somehow he melts my soul with his cuteness when he makes such an expression, and when he concentrates on driving again, he makes my heart thump hard from how cool he’s become. Feeling flustered on my own, I whip my head to the left to turn my attention out the window once again. There isn’t anything out of the ordinary to capture my attention this time, so I’m left to the mercy of my self-deprecating line of thinking until Jimin’s poor stomach rumbles again.

“Maybe we should stop to get something to eat.” Really, I don’t need any more reminders of my childish behaviour from last night to this morning. I don’t know if I can feel any worse than this.

Chuckling apologetically, Jimin reassures me, “It’s fine, we’re going to a place where we can eat.”

Slightly irritated that I have to ask this a third time, I grind out, “and where would that be?”

“You’ll see,” Jimin says teasingly, darkening my mood, but I don’t retaliate — I shouldn’t be cross with him.

“Well, I hope it’s not too far from here.” Giving in, I simply cross my arms petulantly. “If I hear your stomach growling one more time, I’m gonna go deaf.”

As Jimin promised, it’s not too far after we’ve gotten off the bridge. “This is still Penang, you know,” he informs me as he veers left to exit the highway. “It’s not just the island; part of Penang is also on the mainland.”

“Really...” It’s interesting that he’s playing the tour guide now. All the top Penang attractions I saw on the Internet are on the island, so I’d missed this fact. I wonder what Jimin has found that makes it worth driving all the way here. It doesn’t look to be a bustling city like Georgetown. While not exactly rural, the town seems more relaxed, with two-storied shops and houses filling the landscape instead of towering buildings. After only a few turns, we enter an even less developed area, this one a village. Brick houses are mixed with ones made out of wood, with trees growing all over the place, lending the scenery on both sides of the road a more natural appearance, different from the carefully structured planning of the city.

Shortly after, Jimin turns right and pulls over by the side of the road. I peer over the dashboard to see what’s in front of us — it’s a dead end. “Are we here?”

“Yup,” Jimin quips happily, getting out of the car, and I follow suit. It really feels like we’re in the middle of nowhere. Especially since we’re at the end of the road, facing a river with a very narrow bridge that’s only wide enough for pedestrians and motorists to cross, giving the impression that there’s no way out.

However, the small shop on my left at the end of the row catches my attention. I can tell that it’s been there for years and years; there’s an air of homeliness, like it has blended completely with the surroundings, and it’s filled with people. Most of them are much older than Jimin and I — probably around our parents’ age, or maybe even older than that. From their relaxed, casual dressing, they seem to be villagers. A few men are chatting excitedly over white cups of coffee, but the other patrons are all eating, despite it being slightly late for lunch. Jimin and I sit at one of the two tables just beyond the threshold of the shop, which is the only one available. I shift in my seat a little, looking around for a menu. They’re usually displayed somewhere on the wall, or given on the tables, but I don’t see any. “Ah, you’re the one who called earlier, yes?” A middle- aged man comes over to our table, all smiles as he greets us.

“Oh, you remember me?” Jimin’s obvious surprise at being remembered has the man chuckling good-naturedly.

“Of course, we very rarely see foreigners all the way out here,” the man, later introducing himself as the owner, explains to us. “It’s not exactly a touristy place. There’s a university campus close by, and I bet not even half of them know about this restaurant!”

Neither of us know how to respond to that, but the owner seems more than happy with the customers he has. And from the lack of empty tables, I’m guessing this place is actually a local favourite — with the villagers, if not the students of the nearby campus. Small and out of the way it may be, but this restaurant has a certain charm to it. The menu turns out to be very simple; freshwater curry prawns, fried fish with three-flavoured sauce and stir-fried cabbage. We forgo the fish in favour of the prawns, which were caught just this morning, and is the signature dish, as well as the cabbage.

Thanks to the simple and limited menu, our food arrives at our table quickly. The owner recommended that we get bread to accompany our prawns instead of rice, and I’m glad we’d followed his advice. The slices of white bread are perfect for soaking up the curry, and the concentrated flavour married to the sweetness of the fresh prawns is nothing short of bliss. In his state of hunger, Jimin had ordered a daunting kilogram of prawns, and although it takes us a while to finish them, it’s not as gargantuan a task as I was afraid of when I first saw the plate. Washing down the food with some homemade sugar cane juice, I smack my lips happily at Jimin. “How did you find this place?”

“It was just a stroke of luck. I was scrolling through the phone while waiting for you to come back when I saw it.” It might have sounded like Jimin was trying to make me feel guilty if he didn’t say it with a nonchalant shrug and follow it with, “I was hoping to help you take your mind off of things.”

“Oh.” I don’t know what to say. It seems like I haven’t made such a blunder last night as I’d thought I did. He was so angry when he’d pushed me away then, even though he’d reciprocated the kiss for a bit. I’m sure I hadn’t imagined that. What was that all about then? Something tells me that it wouldn’t be a wise decision to ask, as much as I’m dying to find out. The last thing I want to do is to sour the mood once again, after Jimin had gone out of his way to make me feel better. It’s more than I deserve, after the way I’ve treated him. So I decide to just play along, ignoring the stronger feelings and questions burning away at me, like I always do. As long as I can keep being by Jimin’s side. The momentary lapse in judgement last night could have destroyed our friendship, but somehow we’re still here, eating and talking and laughing like nothing had happened. The enormous burden that the fear of losing Jimin had pressed on my chest eases off of it, now that I’m assured that things are back to normal. Although the niggling desire for something more remains there. Always there. “Thanks, Jimin.”

Jimin’s smile at my appreciation is more dazzling than the late afternoon sun behind us. The sight of it cements our friendship, now back to equilibrium. Our passionate kiss is to become a hazy, slightly drunk mistake, and will be swept under the rug to be forgotten forever, except in the innermost secret corner of my heart, where I tuck in the sweetest memories of myself with Jimin. Tiny, insignificant instances that are surely nothing to him, but are the most precious jewels of my life, to be taken out and admired whenever I’m at my lowest and loneliest. Or sometimes even when I’m not.

A belly full is one of the easiest ways to make Jimin happy; next to praising him, and seeing him happy is definitely the simplest way to make me happy in turn. How can I not be, when presented with those bright giggles that eat up his whole body, always leaving his position on any chair in precarious balance, and scrunching up his face so adorably? Before I get lost in my thoughts of him again, I snap myself out of it by asking, “So, where to next, Mr. Tour Guide?”

My impromptu title for him jolts him into an upright position in his red plastic chair, immediately assuming a serious, business-like mien that has me in stitches. “Ahem,” he glares at me warningly, wanting me to play along. “Looks like we have–“ he takes a peek at his watch “–a bit of time left before dusk. But I think we should go soon.” Indeed, we had been sitting there for way past an hour, and the place is completely empty of other customers now. I wonder if the owner is keeping the shop open for our sake. Clearly Jimin is thinking the same thing, because he thanks the owner profusely as he pays for our meal before we leave the premises.

As Jimin skilfully manoeuvres the car out of the dead end, he playfully manoeuvres his way out of answering my increasingly insistent questions regarding our next destination. His refusal to tell me only digs my hole of curiosity deeper and deeper, however, I can’t help but laugh and wish that he doesn’t give in to my badgering. For Jimin to be this happily secretive; it must be a pleasant surprise, right? Despite myself, I’m starting to really look forward to the unknown evening plans.

Instead of going to the mysterious location, though, he drives us around the small town. As expected, there isn’t much for visitors to be interested in. “There is supposed to be a haunted mansion somewhere in here,” Jimin interrupts his tour-guide-like speech by breaking into an evil grin, the picture of the very devil with the dark orange and red hues of the sky colouring the background behind him. “Wanna go and see it?”

I don’t have to look at the rubber plantation on our left to imagine the horrors that await beyond the rows of rubber trees. “NO!” Finding Jimin’s raucous guffawing grating on my indignity, I pout petulantly at him. “Hmph. You laugh at me, but you don’t want to go either, do you?”

That was effective in getting him to stop. “You got me there.”

“Really, what would you have done if I’d said, ‘let’s go’? I bet you’d pee your pants!”

“No I wouldn’t!” It’s Jimin’s turn to be affronted. I have to bite the inside of my cheeks to keep myself from bursting with laughter. “I’d just say we don’t have enough time to visit it, because I’ve already made other arrangements.”

“Oh, have you now?” Every opportunity to tease him is a chance that cannot be wasted. “And is that really true?”

“No,” he admits unabashedly, drawing chuckles from both of us. Just like Jimin knows I’m not the greatest with ghosts, I’m perfectly aware of how easy it is to scare him. “The house has an interesting story to it though. It’s supposed to have ninety-nine doors.”

“Really?” Scaredy cat I may be, but I always love a good story regardless of the genre. Horror stories are always great – as long as I don’t have to watch, or heaven forbid, experience it myself. “I wonder how big it is, to have that many doors. It’s such a specific number though.”

Jimin shrugs, not knowing the answer to that and seemingly not caring enough to find out. “A witch doctor is supposed to be staying there now.”

“Oh?” Since Jimin has turned the car around, I peer at the trees now on my right, trying to catch a glimpse of the mansion in vain. “I wonder what happened to the owners.”

“Murdered, supposedly.”

With a shiver, I tear my gaze away from the shadows of the trees that had been hypnotically pulling me in. “Okay, let’s stop talking about it. It’s giving me the creeps.”

“Aww, sorry if I scared you.” Letting the car move at a snail’s pace along the empty road, Jimin strokes my hair gently. Normally my instinct would be to swipe his hand away, perhaps with a warning to not treat me like a child. However, his touch is oddly soothing, so I simply sit back in my seat, enjoying the comforting touch. It’s not often that Jimin would treat me as preciously as this. Better set aside my ego and make the most of it.

In no time at all, we’ve arrived at a parking lot next to the river. I don’t see the curry prawn restaurant anywhere, and I wonder if we’re currently on the other side. I’m pretty sure we crossed a bridge at some point. Jimin leads me out of the car and up some narrow steps to a small jetty. Sitting down along one of the edges with our legs hanging over the side, we settle down to gaze at the beautiful sunset. “I was going to book a sunset cruise, but I wasn’t sure if we’d get here in time for that.”

“Sorry,” I apologise again in a small voice. Although it isn’t Jimin’s intention to make me feel bad, I can’t get over my guilt. I’m sure if the tables were turned, I’d be completely livid with him. So to have him treat me this kindly makes me feel doubly worse. “I don’t know what came over me.” At least that’s the truth. After managing to reign my feelings for Jimin in for so long, to have it all spill in the span of one night was beyond careless. It’s unbelievable.

Lucky for me, Jimin remains mostly oblivious to the whole thing. “It’s okay. I’d be out of sorts too, if my girlfriend did to me what Se Hoon did to you.” Jimin tries to lay his hand on my shoulder, but I move away.

“Your girlfriend?”

“Yeah, I mean, hypothetically.”

“Oh.” My idiocy knows no bounds. I settle down again next to him, trying to play it off like I was just surprised that he had a girlfriend that I didn’t know of. It wouldn’t be the first time that he’s had one, but he had always told me about them. It pained me to listen, every single time, but I did anyway, because in a perverse way, I wanted to know about the girls that Jimin is into. Not that any of it matters. Nothing would change the fact that he isn’t interested in me. Even after everything that had transpired last night; after I’d told him that he’d rejected me before I could even tell him how I feel, after that kiss – especially after that kiss – he still doesn’t realise. That’s how little thought he has given to having me as someone more than just a friend. Zero thought. He just thinks that I’m unstable and vulnerable after a bad breakup and is trying to be a good friend. My wandering hand finds a small pebble on the dusty and less than clean jetty, and throws it into the river with all my might. That’s what I need right now. A good friend. Yeah.

All in all, I suppose I have to be grateful. At least things haven’t become awkward between us. I can even almost enjoy the gradual darkening of the sky as the wisps of colour dissipate into the overwhelming dark blues and blacks. Not far behind us, lights from the building next to the jetty battle against the darkness, illuminating the river and trees beyond. “What’s that place?” I wonder aloud.

“A café,” Jimin replies, catching me by surprise. I didn’t expect him to know. Peering at the two-story building curiously, I see waiters seating some customers at a table on the space on the first floor, which is left open to the elements.

“It looks nice.”

“I’m glad you think so.” There is a note of relief in Jimin’s voice. “I booked a table for us, for dinner later.”

“Didn’t we eat just a few hours ago?” Trust Jimin to want to eat again so soon. I can still taste the thick curry on my tongue as I laugh and shake my head at him.

“No, no, you got it all wrong.” He levels his serious gaze at me. “I believe it’s already been a few hours since we last ate.”

Trying not to spray saliva all over him, I curl my lips down in an effort to hold in my mirth. “Is that why we’re here, then?”

“No, actually we – oh! Speak of the devil.” His words are interrupted as our space is invaded by a man who looks like he hasn’t slept in a year. Despite his tired appearance, he’s still all smiles. “Mr. Jimin?” He inquires.

“Yes, that’s me,” Jimin confirms. “I was starting to worry that you’re not coming.”

“Sorry for being late! My wife was supposed to wake me up from my nap, but then between cooking and our son, I was forgotten.” Jimin and I exchange amused glances. Looks like I wasn’t the only one who thought that the man could do with some sleep. “But that’s okay, since it’s just the two of you today, I’d say we’re right on time. Let’s go.”

“Go where?” I whisper to Jimin as the man leads us down the jetty and into a boat, which can easily accommodate at least six people, but will apparently only bring the three of us tonight.

“You’ll see,” Jimin sits next to me and squeezes my hand, determined to not give anything away. If I was told that I’d be getting in a small boat with a stranger in the middle of nowhere, shrouded by the cloak of darkness a few days ago, I’d be alarmed. However, Jimin’s presence changes the experience into an exciting, mysterious adventure.

And we’re off.

The boat glides away from the jetty and the lights of the café, further and further into the ghostly arms of the shadows, barely making any noise. Soon, the river widens, and we can no longer see any signs of civilisation. Only the moon, a whisper away from being full, and the glinting stars offer any glowing relief to the endless blackness, made even darker by the trees lining the riverbank. “These are mangrove trees, called berembang,” our tour guide gestures to the crowding trees clustered together, shielding everything on land from view. I doubt I would be able to see anything but branches and leaves even if we came during the day.

But we’re here at night, and a different sight awaits us.

Our guide steers us close to the riverbank, and stops the boat. “Anytime now,” he informs us cryptically, and I take a look around. What are we supposed to see? With the meagre illumination from the moon and the stars, most of the trees remain in eerie shadows. I silently hope that we’re not on some ghost-hunting expedition. For a split second, I feel panic rising within, but then I remember that there’s no way Jimin would want to go for such an experience either.

Then I see it. A blinking light, so soft and unworldly that I thought I’m seeing things. Before I can pull on Jimin’s shirt to ask him if he saw what I’d seen, I see another small, flickering glow. And another. And another. Suddenly we’re surrounded by them; tiny lights that shine brightly, suddenly from seemingly random locations, making the trees around us glitter like Christmas trees. “Wow!” I whisper in awe.

“Fireflies,” Jimin breathes into my ear, his hushed tone pulling me in against him, unthinkingly wanting to be close to him in such a magical world that we’ve been suspended in. Their light joins the reflection of the stars in the river. Our very own stars on earth. With Jimin’s arm holding me tightly and the ethereal scenery all around us, it’s hard to tell if I’m awake or if I’m in the most amazing dream I’ve ever had. The same gentle light from the fireflies that juxtaposes with the inky blackness of the night also casts an angelic glow over Jimin’s features, taking my breath away. There’s something in the atmosphere that makes me feel closer to him than usual, and that makes the whole experience even more dreamlike. My hand stretches out to touch the marvels of nature, but even if I can reach them, I can’t bear to actually brush against them for fear of hurting such minute, wondrous creatures, or bring myself back to the real world. So we watch them in silence for a while, until the tour guide breaks the moment by asking if we’re ready to go back.

It feels like time has stopped while we were on our journey, but in reality, only about an hour has passed. Part of me wanted to stay there forever, surrounded by glimmering lights, where real life feels so far away. To be with Jimin, just the two of us. The lights from the café next to the jetty, while not exceptionally bright, are jarring in comparison to the gentle twinkling of the fireflies. I almost refuse to get off the boat. However, all good things must come to an end, and I let Jimin help me out of the boat and lead me to the café.

“Are you hungry?” He asks after we’re seated at one of the tables on the open first floor.

“Mmm, not really,” I muse as I thumb through the menu. Majority of the food here is of the western variety, and although I do enjoy it, I’m still full of the prawn from earlier. Mostly I’m eager to hold on to the memories of the boat ride. Irrationally, I’m afraid that having a meal would distract me and cause the warmth of Jimin’s embrace as well as the magic of the fireflies to slip through my fingers.

“Neither am I,” Jimin sighs with regret, clearly wishing that he could fit some more food into his stomach. With an eye roll, I tell him that I’m not surprised – he ate the lion’s share of the prawns, and there was way more than what two people could normally eat. “Maybe we can share a cake.”

“Ooooh, cake!” His suggestion is met with enthusiasm on my part. Although I’m loathe to share my dessert with anyone, Jimin is – a very, very occasional – exception, and my stomach is panicking at the thought of being stuffed with more food, so I relent. The burnt cheesecake we choose makes me regret having to share a little. It’s downright heavenly; I can probably eat all the slices available if I don’t mind the button of my jeans popping right off. Thankfully, Jimin is fuller than I am, and gives up after about two small bites. “Are you sure you don’t want any more?” This is a treat that warrants opening up that extra stomach I know we all have for dessert, but at the same time, I slyly hope that he doesn’t take me up on my offer.

Shaking his head, he gestures for me to finish it. Quick as lightning, I pull the plate towards my side of the table gleefully. Now that I don’t have to share it with anyone, I can take my time to savour it. In my excitement, I don’t sense Jimin’s intent gaze on me until I’m about halfway through the slice. Realising that I must look like a complete and utter glutton, I pause and smile at him sheepishly, trying to wipe off any crumbs as inconspicuously as I can. Trying to cover my embarrassment, my mind races for something to say. “Thank you for such a great day.” I can’t believe I didn’t think about telling him this until now. He must have put a lot of thought into this, and at the last minute, too.

Those words bring the most tender expression I’ve ever seen grace Jimin’s face. My breath stills for a moment to give my brain a chance to process and commit the sight to memory. “Everyone needs to feel loved once in a while, right?” This is the first time I’ve heard him say such a thing so seriously, without it sounding like an off-handed comment. He always makes these sort of statements like it’s an insignificant matter, sometimes literally waving the words away with his hand in the air as he says them. However, the look in his eyes is intense, as if I’m the only thing he can see. It helps his words come across — I do feel very loved. Maybe not in the way I’m hoping from him, but loved nevertheless. At least that’s what I think, until he continues, “And if I could, I want to cherish you always.”

This is the problem I have with Jimin. Biting my tongue to keep from asking him to elaborate his statement, I try to not get my hopes up. He’s forever uttering things that make me feel special, while I know he doesn’t mean anything by them. His rejection from years ago is as clear in my mind as if it happened yesterday. Yet to this day I still can’t get over him, even after being forced to hear the bitter truth ages ago. “Thanks.” Lowering my gaze towards my plate to hide my tears, I stab at the cake. Suddenly the delicious dessert doesn’t look so appealing anymore. “You don’t need to go this far just because you feel bad for me though. I’m a big girl. I can handle a breakup or two.”

My statement, heavily injected with denial, is met with complete silence. Nervously, I lift my head, chancing a glance at him out of curiosity. His soft features have been rearranged to one of... anger? Frustration? He’s taking deep breaths, as if to calm himself down. At the moment, he’s about to burst into a tirade, which occasionally happens when I do something stupid that warrants a scolding from him. But this time, for some reason, he’s trying to hold it in. While I’ve never relished being reprimanded like a child, no matter how much I deserve it, funnily enough, I find myself eager to find out what he’s trying so hard to keep in. “I didn’t do any of this because I feel bad for you,” he grinds out between his teeth — even after cooling down somewhat, he’s unable to completely contain his vexation. If this is his tempered down version, what had he originally meant to say? “It’s only because you’ve broken up that I can do this. I’ve always wanted to indulge you. All the time if I could, but you’ve always had a boyfriend, haven’t you? I didn’t want to cause trouble.”

Okay, this is seriously maddening. How am I supposed to get over him when he frequently sends mixed signals through his words and actions? Sometimes I really want to grab him by the shoulders, shake him hard and demand him to treat me like a friend since he only sees me as one. I like to tell myself that he treats me differently than his other female friends when I watch him interact with them, but I cannot convince myself that this is true. I know I can’t look at them objectively. What if I’m fantasising by myself, fancying that he treats me better, when in reality he behaves similarly towards everyone, and I’m just seeing him with rose-tinted lenses? I really hate myself when I’m like this. When it comes to Jimin, my logic lays down the hard truth mercilessly, but my wishful side can never fully accept it, encouraging me to indulge in useless visions of us together.

Out of reflex more than anything else, I laugh self-deprecatingly. If imagining being with Jimin would bring me the most pain, then I’ll just focus on everything else. Even if that may hurt me as well. Nothing can be as bad as being rejected by him. And thanks to my brain reminding me that he doesn’t want me everytime I fantasise about us, I’ve felt the pain of rejection again and again, even if it’s all replayed memories in my own head. “Being single sucks,” I try to make it out as a joke, stabbing at the cake, picturing Se Hoon’s face there and maiming him repeatedly. It’s nowhere near as satisfying as it would be to do it to the real thing. He’s the reason Jimin is here now, so close to me for such a long duration while I’m single and vulnerable. Fucking Se Hoon. “It just reminds me that I’m not good enough for the guy I really want.”

“That guy must be the stupidest person on Earth,” Jimin quips loyally at once. I keep my head down so he doesn’t see me roll my eyes at his ignorant statement. How can he be so dense? The most devastating moment of my life, doled out by the person I love most, my best friend, and he doesn’t even remember that he was the one who’d said that.

Jimin and I have known each other since we were in kindergarten, but I have no idea how long it has been since I fell in love with him. It’s just one of those emotions that builds up gradually, so subtly that you don’t notice until one day; BAM! You realise that you love him and there’s no turning back. But even back then, before the rejection, we’d grown really close, and I wasn’t sure if it was wise to jeopardise our friendship by coming clean about my romantic feelings for him.

It turned out that my hesitation was for the best, because Jimin made his feelings for me crystal clear in our second year of high school. He doesn’t know that I’m aware of it, though, since I’d heard my name being mentioned by one of his friends as I was approaching, and quietly hid against the wall around the corner to eavesdrop on their conversation.

Jimin’s then-new-girlfriend was with the group, being harassed by one of his friends, Ji Woo. Although I can’t remember who she was, or even her face, I do remember feeling some satisfaction over the fact that Jimin’s friends didn’t like her. It was a feeling that I shared. “I’m surprised you’re with her, Jimin,” Ji Woo had commented, not at all caring that she was right there with them. “When there’s already a perfect girl for you.”

“Really?” Jimin had pressed the button on the vending machine, and I’d heard the loud clanking sound of his drink being dropped into the hatch. “And who is it? Must have walked right by me.”

“He means your best friend, you dumbass,” another one of Jimin’s friends, Ha Rim, had filled him in. His then-girlfriend had made an outraged sound at hearing Jimin’s friends promote me to replace her, but no one other than Jimin seemed to pay her any attention. They were acting like only thin air was present where she stood, which was a good indication of how annoying she was. I never understood what Jimin had seen in her. True, she was extremely pretty, but other than that, she had no redeeming qualities. Peeking out of my corner, I’d seen Jimin rub her shoulder placatingly as he’d chuckled.

He’d said my name in a disbelieving tone, as if the idea of me being his girlfriend was so ridiculous that it was out of this world. The way he’d said it echoed in my mind for many weeks after that. I could still hear it in my head sometimes. “She’s one of us, yeah? You don’t fuck a bro, that’s gross.”

“I don’t know if she’d appreciate you treating her like one of the ‘bros’, Jimin,” Ha Rim had rebuked him gently, but it didn’t change Jimin’s mind. He’d just shrugged, not willing to get into an argument with them.

“Whatever it is, she’s just not girlfriend material.”

I hadn’t stayed to hear anything else after that, since I’d fled from the scene, afraid that my sobs would break out and they would discover me. Since then I’d done everything I could think of to get over him, but nothing had worked. All my boyfriends were just distractions, temporary fixes to the gaping hole in my heart that could never be filled.

“How I wish he knew that,” I say cryptically. A savage laugh bubbles up my throat, hearing Jimin unknowingly call himself stupid, but I refrain myself. My rage over his befuddling attitude still manages to sour the delectable dessert, and I shove down the rest of it. Before the day is completely ruined, it’s better if we return to the hotel.

Being the dense dummy that he is, Jimin doesn’t notice that anything’s amiss, and we get into the car to drive back without incident. The bridge back to the island isn’t too far off from the small town and soon we’re on it once more. “There’s another bridge connecting the island to the mainland, you know,” Jimin breaks the more-or-less comfortable silence with this little tidbit of information.

“I know. You can see it from this bridge.” It makes me look to my right, past Jimin in the direction of the first bridge, just to double-check if I can see it from here. I’m sure I saw it during the day, but it’s a completely different scene now that it’s nighttime. The orange lamps overhead lighting our way along the second bridge are dull, but the same ones appear romantic and beautiful after a stretch of darkness in between the two bridges, illuminating the first bridge. Is the view of the second bridge just as pretty if we were to look at it from the first one? I’m not sure, but I’m content with enjoying the view from here.

“Then do you know that this is the longest bridge in Malaysia?” Jimin’s voice draws my eyes back from the distance to the man being outlined by the scenery I’ve been staring at. Unlike the flickering glow of the fireflies, the bulbs shine relentlessly from afar, never giving up on irradiating Jimin’s face. While not quite the same view, these lights make him look just as dazzling as he had in the boat. A halo of soft backlight, juxtaposing against the night to bathe him in their radiance.

Although I’ve been staring at him like an idiot, or perhaps because I’m proving myself a veritable one, only when he calls my name does it dawn on me that we’re having a conversation. Well, sort of. I’m not really in a chatty mood, but he has been making stabs at sparking up a discussion. “Uh,” I grunt without thinking, then mentally hit myself for pushing myself further down the ‘being a dummy’ road.

“What does that mean?” Jimin laughs, sparing me a quick glance before turning his focus back on the road. The windsocks are blowing merrily in a perpendicular direction to the mostly straight lanes, and Jimin is taking care not to drive too fast. It’s hard for me to ensure that we’re not speeding when there are hardly any cars around to compare our speed to. I can almost believe that Jimin and I are the only ones in this world, on a never-ending road surrounded by the sea. “Do you know or not?”

“No.” My eyes shift away as I answer, since I have no idea what I don’t know. Which is a fair answer – either I didn’t hear what he’d asked me, or I simply got distracted and forgot. Both sounds highly likely. Sensing a risk of him further probing me on whatever topic it is and figuring out that I haven’t been paying attention, I roll down the car window, hoping some fresh air will clear my mind.

Boy, is that a wrong decision. A strong, unrelenting gust of wind immediately blasts into the car. Jimin’s surprised yelp is barely heard over the loud howl from the sea, exacerbated by the speed we’re going at. Before the window has even reached halfway down, I pull the tiny lever the other way, quickly closing it back up.

“What was that?” As soon as soothing quiet fills the car again, Jimin demands to know the reason behind my inexplicable actions. While he doesn’t sound angry, it’s obvious that he’s genuinely concerned. I can’t blame him, after everything that’s been happening since last night. “You’ve been acting really weird.”

My reflection on the window on my side of the car shows a frowning woman with mussed hair chewing nervously on her bottom lip, brows fused together in confusion and frustration. “I feel out of it. But I’m not sure why.” This much is true. After suppressing my feelings for Jimin successfully since I was in school, why are they surfacing now? If I’ve known that we will never end up together for just as long, why is the pain becoming unbearable now? How can one kiss cause my world to implode? The emotional roller coaster has wrung me out and left me completely bewildered. Everything is so jumbled up inside my head that I’m not even sure where to even begin unravelling the mess.

At first Jimin doesn’t respond, which is understandable. I wouldn’t know what to say to such a vague statement either. We eventually reach the other end of the bridge. The scenery morphs from a dreamy wonderland to cold reality, with factories lining up the side of the road, replacing the endless sea. “Who’s that guy?”

“What guy?” This time I’m sure I haven’t been wrapped in my own thoughts, yet I still can’t make the head or tail of whatever Jimin is asking. Maybe I’ve lost all my wits for the second night in a row, even though this time there isn’t a drop of alcohol in me.

“The one that you want,” he clarifies bluntly.

What am I supposed to answer? ‘It’s you, stupid’?

Not wanting to make the rest of the ride more awkward than it is, I shrug. “Just a guy.” Just the kindest, perfect, heart-warming, densest guy.

Up until he parks the car next to the hotel, Jimin attempts to wear down my defenses, unwilling to leave his curiosity unsatisfied since I don’t fly off the handle or directly ask him to stop. Truthfully, the urge to tell him is becoming stronger by the minute. The dam holding my feelings back has become strained without my noticing. Just one more drop of persuasion threatens to loosen my tongue.

After making sure that I’ve gotten out of the car safely and closed the door, he locks the car. However, when he starts walking towards the hotel, I follow him at a much slower pace, lagging behind. Alternating between looking at the ground and his lean back. It doesn’t take long for him to notice that I’m getting farther and farther away from him; my slowing and fainting footsteps are a giveaway. Unsurprisingly, he turns back, wanting to return for me. However, his approach only heightens my nervousness. “Do you really want to know who he is?” I blurt out when he’s about a meter away from me. If he gets any closer, I don’t think I’ll be able to gather the courage to say it.

Thankfully, he stops at my question. Sensing my vulnerability. Like a bewildered, terrified animal, wary of anyone getting closer. “Of course, if you’re okay with sharing with me.”

Before I can change my mind or rethink my decision, I take the plunge. “It’s you.”

“Huh?” Why is he acting shocked? I think angrily, unfairly. He has no right to be surprised by this. This is not supposed to be news to him. “I’m the one? That you’re not good enough for?”

“It’s you, Jimin. You’re the one I want to be with.” Damn it, my voice is already cracking. But now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. All the things I’ve bottled up inside have become hot and angry from the constantly added pressure of being kept secret for so long. At this point, I might hate myself more than I love him. I hate myself because I still love him. “Isn’t it laughable? Even though you already made it clear that I’m not good enough for you from the beginning, I still can’t move on.”

Horrified by the words rushing like waterfall from my mouth, I try to escape, but Jimin catches my arm as I stride past him. I would have stumbled if his grip wasn’t so strong. In contrast to his strength, the street lamp is enough for me to see that all colour has drained from his face. “I would have never said such a thing. When did I say that?” His challenging words come out in an intense whisper, like he can’t believe he ever did such a thing and yet unsure if he hadn’t.

“I don’t know. High school, maybe?” It’s too late but I still play it off as if it isn’t a big deal. Like I don’t remember every detail of that excruciating incident vividly. “I’m not girlfriend material, and you made sure Ji Woo and Ha Rim know that too. And.. someone-or-other girl. Whoever it was you were dating back then. Can’t remember her name.”

I didn’t think it was possible for Jimin to grow paler, but he does, and his hold on me loosens as well. Not wanting to hear an insincere apology years too late, or worse, an encore of how I’m not girlfriend material, I yank myself out of his grasp and practically run into the safety of the building.

Once I’m ensconced in the relative safety of our room, I sit on the edge of the bed and take three deep breaths before panicking. What have I done?! It doesn’t look like Jimin pursued me inside, but he’s going to come in sooner or later. What will I say to him then? How will I ever face him again?

Sighing, I let my body slump dejectedly. I shouldn’t have said anything. Ever. I’ve always known that, but all the pent-up emotions have accumulated for far too long, and under constant continuous stress on this trip, they finally spilled over. And I had to choose the worst time and place to do it — in a foreign country where I have no place to run to. Just as I’m berating myself for that particular bit of foolishness, I hear the outside door to our room open and close. Belatedly realising that I should have searched for a place to hide before agonising over my recent mistakes, I get into a frenzy, whipping my head around every which way, desperately looking for a hole to crawl into.

That’s how Jimin finds me with my arms stretched wide, holding the doors to the wardrobe open, and one of my legs inside the furniture. “Uh.” Not the first time a dumb monosyllable is all I can think of today, but still, way to go.

“What are you doing?” Seeing my crazy antics, Jimin’s tortured expression rearranges into a befuddled one.

“Uhm, nothing.” Climbing out of the furniture, I pretend that I walk out of closets every day of my life. It doesn’t help ease the awkwardness after I close the doors and lean on them, though. I don’t trust myself to not say any more stupid things, and it looks like Jimin doesn’t know what to say either. But he does have something to say, if the way he opens his mouth, pauses, then closes it again is any indication. Seeing this, I keep quiet, waiting for him to figure out where to start. I’m not sure if I’m going to like anything he has to say, but short of jumping out of the balcony, I don’t see any way to escape from him. I cast a longing gaze at the door leading to it, wondering if it’s at all possible.

After what feels like an eternity, Jimin hesitantly hedges, “Uhm, can we… talk?”

I nod, still not trusting my verbal communication skills.

Jimin walks further into the room to take a seat at the edge of the bed, less than two meters from the wardrobe, and I have to fight the urge to distance myself from him. He inhales deeply, loud enough for me to hear, and finally starts. “Look, I’m really sorry about what I said back then. I didn’t even remember that it happened.”

“Of course you didn’t. It didn’t happen to you,” I bite out. Even though I can see that he’s beating himself up over it, I can’t help but drive the nail a little deeper. It has been a wound that has always festered under the surface, never healing.

“You’re right.” Jimin’s ready admission makes me feel slightly bad for being mean over it. “I have no excuse. It was a horrible thing to say. And it wasn’t true at all.”

“It wasn’t?” Damn it, I’m not supposed to be happy about it! Getting my hopes up over just a few vague words is only going to screw me over again, but I can’t stop myself from being elated. Did I mishear him? Did I misunderstand him somehow? So many lessons and I clearly haven’t learnt anything at all.

With a shake of his head, he explains; “Back then I was a dumb kid with raging hormones, and all I could think about was fucking everything that moved. Heh.” He lowers his head and scratches the back of it sheepishly, aware of how immature and shallow he was. Involuntarily, I soften at his words and actions, with his hair getting messy from his vigorous haphazard brushing. “You’ve never been someone that I want to simply fool around with. I might not have been smart enough to realise how special you are back then, but I knew that much. I must have said that to get that girl to go out with me. You, not being good enough for me – that’s ridiculous. If anything, I’m not good enough for you.”

“Oh.” Despite wishing for something like this, now that it has become reality, I can hardly believe it. “So me not being girlfriend material–“

“Was not true at all.” Jimin leans forward to take my right hand, securing it in both of his. He turns up his eyes at me, silently pleading for me to understand. To forgive him. And my defences against Jimin have always been paper-thin. “Is still not true. God.” He hangs his head again in defeat, slightly pulling me towards him as he sags against the bed. “It can’t be more opposite than that. You’re the one I’ve been in love with for the longest time.”

“What?” I try to breathe, but the air is lost somewhere in my lungs.

Instead of answering, Jimin stands up. The sudden movement startles me, especially as it puts him just inches away from me. The warmth is not just from our connected hands now, but I can feel it radiating from his whole body in the coolness of the air-conditioned room. His words coupled with his nearness make me even hotter – probably even more than the scorching outdoors in Penang during the day. When he reaches up to softly caress the side of my face, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear, I can’t be sure that I haven’t self-combusted. “You’ve become more than my best friend for ages. I might have even loved you since we were in school. Hell, I don’t know.” Taking another step forward, he closes the little distance left between us to lean his head against my shoulder. Facing this completely unexpected progress, I stand there stiffly, not knowing what else to do except trying not to lose my head. “I wanted to tell you so many times, but you’ve always had a boyfriend hanging around. Every time I swore I’d tell you once you broke up, but before I could work up the courage to say anything you’ve already found a new one. You never considered me, so I thought you just didn’t think of me that way. I guess I know why now.” Lifting his head, he stares into my eyes earnestly. I can’t look away even if I wanted to. His face is etched with regret, and yet I can see hope buried in his eyes. It mirrors the hope I’ve always felt. I just didn’t know that he felt the same way. “I’m really sorry for being a dick.”

A bubble of horrified laughter bursts out at hearing him describe himself as such. Trust Jimin to mend my bruised heart so easily, and break such a heavy moment by sort-of-playfully bashing himself. He deserves it, but now knowing that I’ve put him through similar anguish, I can’t stay mad at him for long. “It’s okay,” I say with a teary smile.

“Well, the cat’s out of the bag now. I love you.” He cocks his head, then asks, “You’re single now, right?”

Another string of gleeful laughter fills the room. “I am,” I confirm.

“Would you do me the honour of being my girlfriend, then?”

“I would.”

“Finally,” he sighs in relief, and my next round of giggles is lost somewhere between our lips as Jimin kisses me. If our first kiss was incredible, this one is a hundred times better. With no more doubts plaguing my mind, I can give all of myself into my love for Jimin. Just as he’s giving to me. At first he cups my face in his hands, tilting his head to deepen our kiss. In the hazy air of passion, it’s unclear who started to open up beyond the joining of our lips. I know he traced the line between my lips at some point, but I also sucked on his full bottom lip that has always, always caught my attention. Among his many flattering features, it’s the one that has always struck me as striking. A guy shouldn’t have such seductive, plump lips that no woman can resist.

Soon his hand is pressing me to him from the nape of my neck, like I’m not close enough to him. He needs to bring me closer. Our tongues dance with each other, within our mouths like they’re dark, dangerous ballrooms, before things get more intense, and these caverns morph into wet, sweaty arenas, where we wrestle out our lust. In a match that is a win-win for both players, where the energy only heightens, never ending. The palm covering my cheek moves so his arm can wrap against my waist, crushing me against him. Every part of my body is touching his, sending tremors of excitement from outside in. I huff against his mouth, out of breath, but past caring. I just want Jimin. More of him. All of him. And then some more.

From the looks of things, Jimin doesn’t want to let me go either. A tell-tale bulge is impossible to miss, but when I feel it pressing against me, a modicum of sense nudges against my muggy brain. Regretfully breaking the kiss, I pant out, “We should… take… a shower,” in between fighting my lungs for air.

Jimin’s groan ends in a whine that usually gets him what he wants. “Do we have to?”

“We should. I’m all sweaty.” Being outside most of the day has left me sticky. It’s one of those things that you can’t forget or ignore once you’ve noticed it, and I’m starting to feel uncomfortable. What’s going to transpire between Jimin and I is a no-brainer, and I don’t want my first time with him to be when I’m smelling of sweat.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to sweat either way.” Unwilling to stop for something as trivial as cleaning up when we’re bound to get dirty again, Jimin slips his hand under my shirt, attempting to get me to agree with him.

However, I will not be deterred, even if my moan at his palm stroking the side of my body doesn’t sound very convincing. “Please, Jimin. It would make me feel better.”

This time Jimin’s groan is one of defeat. “Fine.” Honestly, I’m surprised that he relented so easily. I never really noticed how much he normally gives up for me. Perhaps I only notice when he’s whining like a child on the occasions where he really doesn’t want to give in, so I thought that he always gets his way. But if I really stop to think about it, he rarely pulls such an act – most of the time he actually listens to what I want, or outright asks me, and goes along with whatever I wish. Heart swelling with renewed affection, I nod without hesitation when he tugs against the hem of my shirt. “May I?”

Baring the tops of my breasts by removing my shirt, he can’t seem to stop himself from ogling them in my bra. Pushing so my back is against the closet, he dips his mouth against the skin available to him as his fingers fiddle with the clasp of my bra. Once the garment is loosened, he all but pulls it off, tossing to the floor, so he can move on to my nipples. “Jimin!” My cry for him is from pleasure, but he mistakes it as a warning.

“Just… for a little bit.” My right nipple pucker under the ministrations of his tongue, growing stiff more quickly than it takes for him to unbutton and unzip my jeans, dragging them onto the floor with my panties. It’s all happening so fast. I haven’t even processed the fact that I’m now completely naked before him, in the dimness of the room filled only by a lone lamp in the corner I’d switched on when I came in. He slips his knee between my legs, spreading them apart. What his words cannot achieve; lowering my defenses, is being threatened by the difference between the texture of his jeans and the smoothness of my bare legs.

And Jimin, that devil, knows this very well. Propping his leg up against the sturdy wooden wardrobe, he brings it into contact with my exposed center. The friction draws a moan from me instantly, and without prompting, I begin to rub against him like a deranged nymphomaniac, seeking traction from the rough material against my pussy. He hasn’t even touched me there, yet I’m already wet enough to lubricate my movements against his muscular thigh. Each stroke stimulates countless sparks that shakes my body like electricity. I know I should stop, but I can’t. Latching on to his upper arms, I lift my head up to look at him imploringly. “Jimin… please.” Right now I’m not even sure what I’m asking from him.

There must be something on my face that makes him look at me with blazing fire in his eyes, before swooping down to brand another soul-searing kiss on my lips. How am I supposed to hold myself back when he’s holding me so closely, when his hard muscles encourage me to move my hips even faster, when he takes my lips like he wants to inhale my very soul into his body? It hasn’t taken much, but I’m already trembling with my impending orgasm. “Fuck,” Jimin spits out, abruptly wrenching himself away from me. My feet land flat against the floor as I howl in protest at having my high yanked away from me.

He doesn’t listen to my objections. Instead he grabs my hand and pulls me in the direction of the bathroom, his free one working furiously to tear his own clothes off. His haste almost makes him trip at the threshold of the bathroom as he attempts to step out of his jeans. My horrified chuckle at this is met with an impatient, don’t-you-dare-laugh glare, which makes it even harder to hold back my mirth.

“Get in,” he growls so ferociously that I stumble backwards, laughter gulped down as my body follows the motion of his chin. Predatory eyes burn holes along my body, suddenly making me self-conscious of my nakedness, but not for long. My own gaze is fixed on him as he moves forward, the clumsiness from a second ago replaced by panther-like steps, only pausing to take off his underwear in a far smoother move than he did his jeans. For the second time, I gulp; on my saliva this time, upon seeing his erection spring out from its confines. While his length looks average, his girth has me excited and apprehensive at the same time. He steps into the glass cubicle, backing me up against the wall, and closes the door separating the shower from the rest of the bathroom behind him. The shower is spacious enough for two people to fit comfortably inside, yet I somehow find myself cornered like a trapped animal. “Well, what are you waiting for?” he asks edgily. “You wanted to shower, didn’t you?” He reaches around me to turn it on.

A stream of cold water hitting my skin makes me gasp, forming goose bumps that are soothed away once it warms to the temperature that Jimin has set. As incensed as I am by the unexpected shift in our relationship and Jimin’s enthusiasm, I’m comforted by having the grime and sweat of the day being washed away.

Jimin’s mind isn’t as easily distracted though. Pressing me up against the wall facing the shower head, he envelops my lips in another fervent kiss. I’m more than happy to give in to it, wrapping my arms around his neck, but instead of holding me, he extends his reach towards the soap, pumping a generous amount of viscous liquid into his palm. “Looks like I’m going to have to help you wash if I want to move things along,” he mutters against my lips.

His soapy palms move slowly down, from my neck, branching outwards along my clavicles then dip down to cup my breasts. My breathing grows heavy as he massages them. Moans start forming in the back of my throat when he begins paying attention to my nipples, flicking them almost playfully with his thumbs. He doesn’t remain there long enough for me, one of his hands continuing down my stomach to the apex of my thighs. “Funny, I’d say it’s wetter here than my whole body.” He rubs his fingers against my folds, as if inspecting them. I can’t argue; even though most of the shower water is hitting his back, my pussy is arguably wetter than he is, and I’m pretty sure it’s not from the pipes.

Without warning, Jimin pushes his index finger in, eliciting a startled gasp from me. “So wet,” he crows delightedly at how easily it slips in. “Do you think you can fit another one in here?” He doesn’t wait for my response before cramming another finger in, making me whimper in pleasure. “You like how it feels?” I nod, turning my face away in embarrassment. It doesn’t deter Jimin. He simply whispers in my exposed ear, “You want me to fuck you with my fingers?”

Yes. I want it so badly, yet to say the words is mortifying, so I nod again. Jimin tsk-tsks disapprovingly at my refusal to vocalise my answer. “Communication is key to a relationship, you know,” he teases, pushing his fingers in up to his knuckles, but refusing to move them any more. “How am I supposed to know what you want if you won’t tell me?”

This cruelly taunting side of Jimin is new to me. I can’t say that I hate it. Not when it’s turning me on so much. “Please Jimin,” I plead with him. “Fuck me with your fingers.”

Tilting his head to the side, Jimin puts on a show of considering my plea. Then he shakes his head, and I know that he never intended to do it in the first place. “No, I don’t think I will.” Leaning forward, he nibbles at my earlobe, telling me, “I’d rather taste you instead.”

Getting the full brunt of the jet of water from the shower when Jimin suddenly kneels at my feet, I sputter in surprise. Jimin uses my momentary confusion to spread my legs even further apart so he can bury his face between them. “Oh!” My hands fly to grasp at his wet hair, holding on for dear life as he goes all out from the get-go. Easily capturing my clit between his lips, he sucks hard, making my knees buckle and my previously unfulfilled orgasm rush back with a vengeance. “Jimin!!” He’s relentlessly alternating between flicking the tiny bud with the tip of his tongue and trying to suck it right off, and I can’t withstand his attack. Flick, flick, flick. And then suck, as hard as he can. In less than a minute I’ve lost completely, making him bear my weight as I cum violently. If he isn’t holding me up by the waist, I probably would’ve collapsed, maybe even slipped in the wet cubicle. Without missing a beat, he releases my clit to run his tongue along my slit, lapping up every drop of his victorious spoils and prolonging my orgasm.

Standing up, he maintains his hold on me, which I appreciate because I still don’t trust the strength of my legs. “You okay?” I can barely register his question in the hazy aftermath of my orgasm, but I manage to nod. Jimin pumps more soap to wash me with as I recover, then swiftly washes himself. Once he determines that both of us are clean enough, he turns the water off. “Can we go now?” He asks, wrapping his arms around me so he can rub his dick, which has grown slightly soft, against my belly. It’s unfair that he’s pushing his advantage like that. Just doing this is getting me aroused again.

As much as I want to get out as soon as we can, there is unfortunately one thing that we need to do first. “Jimin, we should dry our hair. Otherwise we’ll catch a chill.”

Relenting after letting out only one dissatisfied huff indicates that he agrees with me. It doesn’t mean that he’s happy with it. I smother a smile at his adorable childishness, which is a stark contrast to what he was just doing to me in the shower, and what he wants to skip all these small details to do to me in bed. By the time I’ve wrapped myself in a towel, he’s already by the socket next to the sink, hair dryer in hand. “Hurry, hurry,” he urges, pointing the device on full blast to my face.

“Ooof!” Instinctively squeezing my eyes shut to protect them from the powerful gust of warm air, I blindly swipe in his direction, hoping to smack Jimin for his immature prank and the mischievous guffawing that comes with it. Once Jimin directs the nozzle back towards his own hair and out of my face, I fix him a glare, which he returns with a Cheshire grin. He rakes his fingers through his hair roughly, anxious to be done with it. Sure enough, he finishes in record time. “Come on, let’s do you.” He tries to turn me around, but I refuse the offer, giving his messy job, with soft strands sticking up every which way, a pointed look.

“I’ll do it myself, thanks.”

Wisely deciding that handing me the hair dryer will be quicker than trying to argue with me, he relents. Then he leans against the wall next to the sink. With only a towel around his waist, looking like he has all the time in the world to just watch me do something as mundane as drying my hair. I turn towards the mirror, mentally instructing my eyes not to look at him. However, they’re not keen to follow orders, and flick towards his reflection every few seconds. It’s impossible for me to calm myself down like this. Especially not when I can see the obvious tent in his towel, threatening to part the cloth that’s barely covering him. It must have grown harder from the friction against my stomach just now, as well as the anticipation of what’s to come.

“You can go ahead and wait outside.”

“Eh?” He starts to protest but stops when he sees my entreating look. “Okay,” he yields in a wounded puppy pitch. “But hurry, okay?”

I nod, only turning towards the mirror again after I see him closing the door to the bathroom. I’m glad that he’s giving me this bit of space to think. Even though I’m ecstatic by this turn of events, there’s so much to process that it’s overwhelming. And I’m hesitant to go all the way with Jimin without sorting it out. To me it’s a monumental thing. A really huge step. My sigh is drowned out by the loud whirring of the hair dryer, but the sound has become white noise.

So the incident that has plagued me for so many years turned out to be a misunderstanding. While it doesn’t excuse Jimin from what he’d said, there was never any truth behind those words. It had always baffled me that Jimin would think, much less say, such a thing. Even if he wasn’t interested in me, it doesn’t seem to be in line with Jimin’s personality to measure a girl’s worth so much as to label her something as horrid as ‘not girlfriend material’. The most is he’d think someone isn’t his type, and just move on. He’s one of the kindest people I know, but he isn’t perfect. I’m aware of that. We were young back then. It makes more sense that Jimin was only thinking about getting a girl in bed with him rather than weighing the consequences or fairness of saying something so hurtful.

Switching the electric device off, I gaze at myself in the mirror one last time, finding resolution. What matters now is the future. Am I ready to go forward?

The first thing I notice when I enter the bedroom is that Jimin has gathered all the pillows on his side of the bed, and is resting against them. Before I can wonder what he’s up to, he notices my presence and sits up, like a puppy waiting for his master to come home. It would have been heart-meltingly cute and endearing if he wasn’t gripping his erection in his right hand. Was he masturbating while waiting for me? The thought of it is more arousing than I’d have thought. Maybe there is something wrong with me. “Come here,” he beckons me over, and I approach him a little warily. He helps me atop the bed, manoeuvring my legs so I sit astride his lap.

This puts me face-to-face with him, but more importantly, he’s holding me so I’m sitting right atop his cock. I can predict a very speedy loss in focus. “Jimin,” I begin to ask, then moan when he grinds his hips against mine. “Jimin, are you sure about this?”

“A hundred and ten percent,” he responds, but his attention isn’t on me. Even in the semi-darkness, I can see his eyes are narrowed in the direction of our lower bodies.

Exasperated, I try again, wanting to make myself clear before anything happens that I may regret later. Damn, I’m cockblocking myself, but I know that I’ll be in a world of hurt if this turns out to be a temporary thing. I may be asking for too much, but I can’t do it. Not with Jimin. “No, not just this. I mean… are you sure about… going into a relationship with me? What if…”

Jimin looks up, his expression turning serious, and places a finger against my lips. “Stop that. We’ve known each other since we were kids, and I think I know you pretty well.” He briefly stops, waiting for confirmation, and I nod. No one knows me better than Jimin does. “You always overthink things, and when you’re not doing that, your head is filled with thoughts of food.” Even though his assessment is accurate, it doesn’t stop me from hitting him in the chest indignantly, but he only chortles. “It doesn’t matter what you lack. I still love you after all this time, and I’m confident that I won’t stop, no matter what happens. And about what I said back then…” Adopting a sober mien, he brushes my cheek lovingly, leaning closer to gaze into my eyes intently. “I’ll do whatever it takes to make up for it. Okay?”

“Okay,” I concede tearfully. There’s no one else who can put me at ease so easily. I wouldn’t say that the years-old scar has magically healed, but his touch soothes away all the pain. Closing the scant centimeters between us, I give him a quick peck. An innocent move, which Jimin changes immediately by drawing me into his arms, pulling me back in for a far more intense kiss. He pulls on my towel, already loosened by my movements, exposing my body to his touch. It’s like there’s fire in his fingertips, setting me aflame wherever he touches – from my hip, to the side of my waist, up to my breasts. Devilishly zoning in on my sensitive spots, sweeping back and forth over the stiffening tips of my chest. All night he has been giving me pleasure, and I want to return the favour.

Ignoring both the loss of the heady sensation from being in contact with his cock and Jimin’s growl of protest, I shift myself down towards the foot of the bed. Taking his half-hard erection in my hand, once again I marvel at its girth. Already I can’t wrap my hand completely around it. The thought of having it inside me is making me shiver in anticipation. Wanting to get a feel of it, I slide my hand up from the base, taking care not to be too rough with my dry hand. It’s enough to get Jimin to moan, the wild yet melodic sound instantly heating up my insides with lust. I want to make him feel good. I move down even further, lowering myself to do just that, but Jimin stops me halfway. “Wait.”

Surprised that he would keep me from sucking him off, I glance up at him, tucking my hair behind my ear so that it doesn’t obstruct my view. “Hmm?”

“Plenty of time for that later,” he exhales restlessly. Grabbing me by my waist, he lifts me up slightly, getting me off of him. Then he wiggles down the space between me and the mattress, comically moving to lie down on his back. It’s hard not to snort all over him.

“What are you doing?” Just how many times is he going to make me laugh while we try to get it on tonight?

“Getting what I want,” he pants, and I’m guessing it’s due to the exertion of his completely unnecessary action rather than being horny. Jimin is such an idiot sometimes. He ignores my eye roll though. “More importantly, are you ready for me?”

Instead of waiting for me to formulate a verbal answer, he reaches down to find the answer for himself. I jolt forward with a moan when Jimin swipes his fingers over my slit, then immediately rams two inside me. I’m sure I dried myself off after getting out of the shower earlier, but somehow I’ve gotten wet enough for his digits to slide into me without much resistance. “So wet already,” Jimin answers for me, even though the mortifying squelching sounds coming from my pussy makes it pretty clear that I’m ready for him. “I want to fuck you. Right now.”

Even though Jimin’s fingers are wrecking the best kind of havoc in me, I want the same thing. More than that, I want to make him feel good too. Before I can put my plan into action though, Jimin slaps the bed angrily. “Shit. I’m clean, but I don’t have a condom.” Scowling, he runs his fingers through his hair angrily, following it with a longer string of curses than I’ve ever heard him utter in my presence. I bite the insides of my cheeks so I can swallow the bubble of laughter back into my throat.

“It’s fine,” I reassure him. “I’m on the pill.” Although I haven’t slept with Se Hoon for ages, I kept taking them. Maybe I’ve continued doing so out of habit. Or maybe I was always unconsciously hoping for something to happen between me and Jimin, as far fetched as it seemed. Well, it’s clearly not as impossible as I’d thought.

“Thank goodness,” Jimin collapses back onto the sheets in relief, amusing me to no end. He doesn’t miss it, and shoots me a look that tells me he’s aware that I’m finding him funny. “I don’t think I can hold back at this point,” he warns me darkly, and I take it as a cue to continue. Bracing my hands on his chest, I sit up shakily. Reading my mind like he always does so expertly, he removes his hand so I can move my hips along the length of his dick. Up and down, up and down, covering him in my juices. I don’t know how he became this hard when I’ve barely done anything for him. But I’ll pleasure both of us now. Lining the tip of his cock with my pussy, I take a deep breath as I feel the bulbous head poking against my entrance. Then I face up to find that Jimin is staring at me with such scorching fire that I can feel my skin blister from the heat. He might just want this more than I do, although I can’t imagine a yearning any stronger than mine.

“Hnng,” I groan as I lower myself down slowly. Belatedly I attempt to figure out the last time I had sex in my head. Even before breaking up, Se Hoon and I hadn’t slept together for a while due to our busy schedules. I didn’t think much of it back then, and had thought that he didn’t mind, either. It turns out that he didn’t mind, but only because he was satisfying his urges with someone else. But I don’t want to think about that now. Not when Jimin’s cock is parting my flesh, its girth pushing my walls aside to make its way in. It’s not even halfway in yet I’m already breathless. The burn feels amazing, even if it’s making me mewl from the pain.

“Does it hurt?” Jimin asks through gritted teeth. “Go slowly.”

Unable to voice an answer, I bob my head in acknowledgement. Taking my time descending on Jimin magnifies the sensation of his cock stretching me out. By the time I’ve sheathed myself over him completely, I feel ready to burst. I’ve never felt so full and I tilt my head back as if to absorb the feeling. But I’m not the only one adjusting to this. Jimin’s grip on either side of my waist is slightly painful, betraying a strength that I wasn’t aware he possesses. “Fuck, so tight,” he grinds out like he can hardly stand the pleasure. “Fuck.”

After giving myself a few seconds to get used to having him inside me, I begin to lift myself up again, then sit back down on him, making both of us groan. I don’t know if I can ever get used to this. Still, I repeat the motion, impaling myself over and over his cock, hips accelerating as I get a sense of the rhythm. Jimin’s unconcealed moans spur me on; knowing how good I’m making me feel drives me to take it higher. But I’m not the only one determined to bring pleasure to my partner.

Even as I bounce on his cock, Jimin manages to reach for my clit, capturing it between his index and middle fingers in a ‘V’. Helped by my rapid movements, he pulls up, exposing my clit to the air. Tongue licking his lips, he looks at it like a delicacy that he’d love to devour. However, unable to do that, he makes do with his thumb. He alternates moving it in circular motions around the nub and grinding against it, all the while pinching it with his other two fingers. My hips stutter from his ministrations, but I don’t want to stop. I can’t, even if I wanted to. Not when he’s stimulating me like this. But I can feel the end approaching me rapidly, faster than I want it to. “Ji—Jimin, wait.”

I should’ve known that he’s not going to do as I say this time. “Give me a good reason to wait,” he challenges.

“I can’t take it.” My body is already shaking from its proximity. I’m about to crest the high, but I want to last longer. “Please, Jimin, or I’m going to come.”

“All the more reason for me not to wait, then.” Jimin takes my reasoning and tosses it out the window. In direct contrast to my request, he teases my clit even more, pushing me forward so I can’t stall it any longer. The knot growing inside me shrinks into itself, compressing impossibly before exploding like fireworks. With a cry of his name, I catch myself from collapsing completely on top of him by bracing my hands on either side of his torso. Jimin releases my clit to grab my waist, pushing me down against him, moaning as he feels my muscles contracting around him. “You’re so sensitive,” he remarks as I start to recover.

There’s nothing I can say to his comment. There’s nothing to say, really. I don’t recall ever being this receptive to someone else’s touch. It has been a while, I think, not wanting to admit that my sensitivity might have been caused by the person touching me, rather than the duration I’ve been deprived of such attention. Burying my face into the crook of Jimin’s shoulder, I inhale his scent; the perfect home to come to after falling down from my high. The realisation that I must be crushing him with my weight comes suddenly. I jolt up to move off of him, but he tightens his hold on my waist, halting me. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Uh, I must be heavy, and I–“ Jimin doesn’t give me the time to inform him that I can barely move, returning me back into place right above him and whispering;

“I’m not done yet.”

Digging his fingers in so deep I’m sure he’ll leave me with bruises, he pulls out of me, all the way to the tip. My sigh at the loss becomes a shriek midway when Jimin slams back all the way in without so much as a warning. He doesn’t stop there; in fact, that’s the speed that he’s setting for me. Pounding into me from underneath without mercy, without hesitation, without pause. My relaxed legs quickly grow tense again, as his rapid thrusting stokes a new fire in me. “Jimin, Jimin!” I call out for him in between gasps, every thrust knocking the air out of my lungs and every shred of intelligible thought out of my head, until his name is all that remains. My feet curl inwards, trying to withstand the pleasure but in futility. If he isn’t gripping me so firmly, I would have ended up sprawled over him. However, I have nowhere to run. Forced to take every single one of his hard thrusts. Each one making my lower body wrap tighter and tighter around him.

“Close.” Out of breath, Jimin manages to utter only one word, but he slips a hand between our bodies, closer now that I’ve crumpled over him under his rough pounding, leaving no question as to what he means when he pinches my clit between his fingers again. My body contracts until there’s no space left, and I can’t breathe. Whether my brain is hazy due to the lack of oxygen or because I’m on the verge of cumming, I don’t know. One moment later I climaxing again. Jimin doesn’t need to be told that; my cries of ecstasy and squeezing walls are enough to clue him in. He wraps an arm around my waist and seizes my right shoulder, holding me even more securely in place as his hips accelerates to a speed beyond my imagination. Panting and moaning, I latch onto his shoulders so I can receive his rough thrusts, each one knocking me several inches upwards. Unlike before, Jimin doesn’t give me time to recover, too focused on using my tightening muscles spasming around his cock to reach his own high.

It doesn’t take long, but I’ve regained enough sense of mind to register him sinking his face against my neck as he comes. Each of his grunts accompanying every deliberate, deep thrust, pumping his seed into me is so close to my ear, I can feel the hot air that comes with them. There is an odd feeling of being the one to comfort him as his body quakes. It’s like he trusts me to keep him safe at his most vulnerable, and I immerse myself in the feeling proudly for a while.

By the time Jimin rolls me over to the side, I’m starting to get drowsy. My legs twitch when his limp dick slips out a little, and my eyes flutter open to find that he’s staring at me. “What is it?” Absurdly, I feel a little shy. This is just Jimin after all. On the other hand, I’ve never been with Jimin like this before.

“Nothing. I just can’t believe this isn’t a dream.”

The relatable statement makes me grin. “I know. Me too.”

“It seems like such a waste to just… go to sleep.”

No way. “What do you mean?”

“You know, just…” He shrugs with all the innocence of a toddler, but it doesn’t fool me for one second. Especially when he nuzzles against my neck, then almost immediately switches to kissing and sucking the sensitive flesh. A pressure within makes me moan, feeling myself getting fuller as Jimin grows hard again. “I spent four nights in bed with you and I couldn’t even touch you. Do you know how difficult that was? I was about to go insane.”

The dawn of the following morning is slightly chilly, but that’s what makes it refreshing. Even though I greet the day with a yawn as I rest my forearms against the railing of the balcony, I’m feeling very content and reinvigorated. A light mist shrouding the garden before me gives it a cool, dream-like quality. Each plant has bountiful leaves – it’s always summer in Malaysia, after all – and each one is heavy with morning dew. I wish I could reach and touch the moisture with my fingers.

With time, my brain starts to function more efficiently, and I begin to think about the events of last night. Of course I’m ecstatic about finally being in a romantic relationship with Jimin, the man that I’ve been pining over for so long, but I’d be lying if I say that I don’t have any doubts. I’ve been so focused on getting over him that I never stopped to think what it would mean to have my best friend as my boyfriend. The obvious question is: what if it doesn’t work out between us?

Like Jimin said last night, he has known me for many years now. There aren’t many flaws of mine that he isn’t aware of. I’m quite confident that I know most of the things I need to know about him too. And just like Jimin, none of it has made me fall out of love with him. If anything, his imperfections make me love him even more. I can’t think of any reason that would make us break up, but it’s always a possibility. What would happen to our friendship should the worst come to pass? I hope we can still be friends somehow.

Just the thought of it is depressing enough to make me heave a sigh. There’s no point in speculating about the future. I already know that I can barely endure not being with him. It was torture to watch him with girlfriends when I so desperately, so selfishly wanted to fill that role. Now that my wish has come true, we just have to go forward and do our best. If it doesn’t work out, then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. I’m not delusional enough to think that everything will be perfect from now on, but I hope for every rainy day we have to suffer through, there will be a sunny one that will balance it out. Smiling to myself, I enjoy this blissful feeling I never knew I’m capable of feeling. With Jimin, I’m sure my life will be full of happy days, like an eternal summer.

“What’s up with you?” A teasing, rhetorical question comes from behind, making me jump in surprise. I turn around to find Jimin leaning against the frame of the glass door, looking cool as a cucumber. But I see the laughter dancing in his eyes. “One second you were sighing, and the next you were grinning like an idiot.”

Feeling blood rushing to my cheeks in embarrassment at being caught entertaining my thoughts, I spin back to face the garden. “Nothing! How long have you been here?”

“Long enough to want to get a closer look at you.” Jimin approaches and hugs me from behind. He wastes no time sniffing against my neck like a little puppy. “Did you sleep well?”

“Mmhmm.” How could I not? After that second round, I was ready to nod off, but he’d recovered by then and had asked me if he could take me up on that earlier offer to give him a blowjob. How could I say no? And he wasn’t content to finish up in my mouth, either – no, he wasn’t as rough as he was the first time, but he still finished inside me. It left me exhausted and I went out like a light afterwards. I’m not sure what made me wake up so early, but I do feel well-rested, though quite sore.

“I’m glad.” I can feel and hear him smiling against my ear rather than see it. Although I’m not sure if he’s glad because I’ve gotten enough rest, or because the stiff shaft I can feel pressing against my back needs some attention. Given that he’s already tracing the crevices of my ear with his tongue, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the latter.

“I’m beginning to think that you’re a monster.” My complaint doesn’t sound very convincing since it’s followed by a keening moan. He’s quick to slide his hand up my thighs and under my bathrobe, discovering that I’m not wearing anything underneath. His sharp inhale lets me know how aroused he got from that revelation.

“I’m not usually this horny,” he admits, leaning me down to rest my upper body against the railing so my ass juts out. I can hear the shuffling of his slippers as he moves back, but before I can turn around to see what he’s doing, I feel his tongue running all the way from the bottom up to my asshole. My back arches from the unexpected jolt of pleasure, hitting me like a bolt of lightning down my spine. “Maybe we need to make up for… what, a decade’s worth of love-making?” Despite being sore, my pussy clenches at the ridiculous notion. A whole decade? “Fuck, you’re so wet already.” The loud, wet sounds his tongue makes as he laps against my slit doesn’t leave me any room to argue. I only let out a whine when he reaches around to press against my engorged nub. “You’re swollen,” he says concernedly, contrasting with his unrelenting ministrations. “Are you okay?”

“If you’re worried–mmmnn–“ Against my better judgement, I push myself back against his mouth, craving for more. “Why are you doing this?”

Jimin’s reply is lost somewhere within my folds, but once his tongue pushes past my entrance, I stop caring about his answer. It’s amazing how easily Jimin unearths my most sensitive spots. Not just how putting pressure against my clit stimulates me more than circular motions, but also how a feather-like touch along the side of my body makes me tremble or that lightly nibbling my nipples makes me buck beneath him. However, a night of thorough attention has made all of me super sensitive, and I’m already on the verge of tears while my head is screaming for more. “Jimin, please,” I beg. “I need you now.”

Those words are all the encouragement that Jimin needs. Standing behind me, he lifts the lower part of the bathrobe up so he can press his insistent hard-on against my entrance. “No, wait, Jimin.” Remembering where we are right now, I begin to panic. “Let’s go inside.”

Of course, Jimin has never been one to listen to orders. “No one’s up yet,” he overrides my protest, and cuts off any oncoming ones by slamming his hips against mine, pushing his thick cock all the way inside in one stroke. Tears fall from my eyes and my scream breaks the stillness of the morning at the brutal insertion. “Shh,” he comforts me, raining kisses all over the side of my neck and shoulders as I sob. “Someone will hear us if you don’t keep it down.”

“Damn it, Jimin, you’re the meanest – ah! Ah!” I can’t even finish reprimanding him. How can I, when my body reacts to him so easily, and the fact that anyone passing by can see us, or other hotel guests can hear us turns me on even more? Taking a little mercy on me, Jimin grabs my chin, directing me to look back so he can kiss me, somewhat effectively swallowing my moans. The intense kiss matches the force of his thrusts below; slower than last night but with more strength. He lowers his hand to slip it inside my bathrobe, groping my left breast, using it as an anchor as his cock drives me to oblivion. Everything he does intoxicates me, making me drunk to the point I don’t know up and down, so that I no longer give a damn about anyone seeing him pounding into me in broad daylight. All I can think about is the tingling sparks of friction from every stroke of his cock sliding in and out of me, the tiny pinpricks of pleasure and pain like scorching embers feeding a bonfire growing more and more out of control within me. “Jimin,” I gasp when he releases my lips for air, “coming.”

He kisses me, then pulls at my lower lip. “Come,” he coaxes me with his fingers pinching my nipple, making me mewl, and with the short words his brain can muster in his state. “With me. Now.”

After several hard thrusts, Jimin brings me to my climax and follows me right after. He holds me tightly, supporting me so my shaking legs don’t suddenly give way from under me, although I can tell from his quivering body that he’s having trouble keeping himself up. The sturdy railing provides the support we both need, and we cling to it as we catch our breaths. A few minutes later, we’re still panting, but Jimin slowly sits down on the floor, guiding me to sit across his lap. I’ve hugged Jimin countless times before when we were still just friends, but I think after sex might be the best time for cuddling with him.

His comforting arms almost lulls me to sleep, but the gradually escalating heat of the rising sun brings me back to my senses. Opening my eyes, I ask drowsily, “What time is it?”

Jimin shrugs. “Who knows.”

Resisting the urge to follow his devil-may-care attitude, I climb out of his lap to crawl towards the table where I’d left my handphone. My eyes widen when I see the numbers on display. “Jimin! There’s less than three hours before our flight! We need to go, now!”

We get ready and packed in record time. Soon we’re begging our driver to drive us as quickly as possible to the airport, both of us still huffing and panting, but this time for a completely different reason compared to this morning. The young driver shakes his head in disapproval, but accedes to our wishes, driving at a speed I’m not sure is legal, expertly zipping in and out between cars. We earn a few honks, but I try to detach myself from the chaos, leaning back against the seat to try and calm my racing heartbeat.

“This is all your fault, you pervy animal,” I hiss at Jimin under my breath. “If we can’t board our plane you’re going to pay for both our tickets back home.”

Jimin’s smirk is charming and utterly unrepentant. “Worth it.”

Thank you for reading! As always, comments/asks/likes are very welcome :)

#jamaisjoons summer collab #tsb event 2020 #bts smut #ksmutclub #armiesnet #networkbangtan #jimin smut #jimin fluff #jimin angst #jimin fanfic

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razorblade180 · 4 years ago

Text

Twin snowflakes part 24: Date Night.

Part 23 here! <-

Still exhausted, Veronica flopped back onto her bed with the help of Nick. The girl let the mattress steal all tension from her body, letting out a sigh of satisfaction. “Aaahhhh! That’s the stuff. Appreciate the help.”

“Don’t mention it. Especially after what you just did. Frankly I had no plan to get Summer to cooperate.”

Veronica chuckled the best she could. “Hehe, not often Nicholas Schnee doesn’t have a plan. I guess you owe me then? Lucky for you I take words of affirmation as payment all the time.”

Nick smiled. It was nice to see Veronica joking. Encountering Shiva always put a dread over him, but she seemed to not care much. That’s Veronica alright, refusing to take crap from anybody. “I could praise you, or how about I praise you over a nice dinner?” Nick quickly responded.

All the neurons in Veronica’s brain suddenly came to a screeching halt. Her body immediately came flinging forward to sit upright to stare at the smiling boy. “What…?” She asked, still processing the question.

“Let me take you dinner.” He said again, “I have a reservation at this place in Atlas tonight. I was gonna cancel but we could just have a night out together. You still haven’t tried much food from here right? Plus I know you still have to be hungry. This works out.”

Veronica couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Did Nick just ask her out on a dinner date? That didn’t sound right, even if it was a thank you gift. As quickly as her eyes lit up, they began to squint at him with skepticism. “What happened with Valerie?”

Now his eyes got big. He wasn’t expecting that response. “Uhhhh what?” His voice gave away his nervousness and Veronica could clearly tell.

“Don’t play dumb with me Nick. I’m not gonna call you a liar or anything, but I know you, and you know me; as well as my feelings.” She said that last part sheepishly. “You aren’t the kind of person to play with my emotions or offer a dinner date when you’re crushing on Val, so what’s up? Be straight with me”

It was becoming clear to Nick that he apparently could be read like a book. This is the third person within twenty four hours to look at him and automatically knew to ask about Valerie. This was ridiculous! His life had many things that made him bummed out. How are people guessing right on the first try!?”

“Uhhhhh” he scratched the back of his head and sighed. No point tip toeing around it. Not like it was a secret or anything, yet his stomach felt queasy all the same. “I ran into her yesterday. She was pretty upset that I didn’t tell her I got sick. I apologized and tried to smooth our recent bickering over with dinner. It was going okay, but then…Val immediately started to brush me off. I got upset, she started deflecting, people started staring, then she really started saying some things that really got me upset; kinda made a little scene out of it before walking off. Nor really princely, huh?” He tried smiling at the self jab, but failed. “Anyways, next time we meet per her request more a less will be at the tournament. We currently aren’t on speaking terms. Something she should be fine with since distance was what she wanted in the first place.”

Veronica could hear a little venom in those words. Val really did have Nick upset. He’s never this openly bitter. Though maybe it was being behind closed doors that allowed him to drop the facade of being consistently pleasant. Frankly, that made Veronica a little happy for him, in an odd way. However… “I see. So I assume that this dinner reservation was for you and her?” An answer wasn’t needed. Nick’s moment of sulking was replaced with a guilt ridden look on his face the moment she asked. “You know, kinda shitty you’re asking me to a dinner meant for another girl that turned you down. Not a fan of being someone’s second choice.”

Nick closed his eyes and let in a sharp breath like he had just been hit. “Oooo yeah, yeah that was pretty messed up for me.”

“Mhmm, big time. No girl wants to hear that you know?”

“I didn’t mean- I wasn’t trying to...sorry. That was tasteless and selfish of me.” He looked down, shamefully and with genuine guilt. It was only when Veronica’s hand lifted his head by his chin did he see the girl stare at him with an observing gaze and lips pouting to the side. She then crossed her arms and looked away from him, ears tucked and a tinge of red visible on her.

“You’re lucky you’re a good person and I am hungry. I…guess you could apologize with a good dinner?” Veronica knew he wasn’t trying to be insensitive. Still, she was more than a little ticked off at herself for letting him off easy. Darn his good qualities! Being mad towards him for long was never gonna happen. Not to mention having a calm outing together is a golden opportunity. No way she wasn’t gonna capitalize off of Valerie’s mistakes. Her eyes shifted towards Nick to see a relieved smile that only made staying upset harder.

“This place better be good! Also I’m gonna order every expensive thing possible!” Veronica declared, attempting to save face.

“Hehe, thank you, and go right ahead and order anything you want. It’s not until around nine so please, get some rest.”

“I should be saying that to you. Isn’t going out at night in the cold while moody only gonna give you more sniffles?”

“Pfft, I’m sick anymore. Just focus on healing and rest. Not that I have to tell you this, but you gotta dress nice for where we’re eating.”

Veronica smirked, pointing at a closet of designed outfits. “Careful. I may not be worth billions but I’ll make you look like a pocket change if you don’t wear you best.”

The boy let out a cocky chuckle before walking to the door. “For your information, I’m two billion.” He said puffing out his chest playfully, leaving on that note. He could hear her gentle laughter behind the door. At least he could lift one girl’s spirit. As for the other, Nick looked at his sister’s locked door. He couldn’t help himself. He wasn’t going to knock, but he had to at least walk to it. Come to think of it, Nick had a hard time remembering when this door remained open. Most days it kept either the warmth in, while shutting others out. Slowly he rested his hand against it. The wood, cool to the touch.

“Tell me what you need.” He thought, “I’m not a mind reader…” Nick could only sigh. He removed his hand and stepped back. As he began to walk, the door moved. As if something was pressed against it from the other side.

“I know you’re there.” Summer said from the other side. Nick quickly walked back to it. Somehow he could imagine how she was on the other side. One leg extended while the other was bent as she pressed her back to the door. Nick took a seat himself, mimicking the pose he envisioned.

“You okay?”

“Far from it, but that’s par for course…” Summer looked over her shoulder as if she was actually resting against her brother’s back. “Honestly I feel so fucked up some days that therapy feels like a joke. I think I need a break.”

“What kind of break?”

“The usual…” Summer let her words draw out lazily. The back of her head rhythmically tapped the door. “Care to join me?”

Nick tugged at the carpet fibers, mulling it over. “Mmmm sorry, I’m not in the mood for that kind of relief. Besides, I already have plans. I’ll cover for you though. I think venting could do some real good for ya. Just don’t stay out too long. Leave around… half past nine.”

“Will do, thanks Nick.” Even though a door separated them, Summer could feel the care from the other side. Veronica’s words back in the forest about Nick and how Summer treats their relationship struck an all too sensitive cord. “I promise not to worry you. Have fun with whatever you’re doing tonight. I’ll keep you updated and everything.”

“Don’t stress about it. I believe in you. Anyways, I gotta get going. I think I’ll do a bit of distressing in my own way.” Nick stands up. “Better go while there’s daylight.”

“Gonna pay respects?”

“Yep. Enjoy your outing. I’ll see ya tomorrow if I don’t see ya tonight before I leave. Love ya.” He walked away after that, not expecting a response. Didn’t need one. After all, Summer coming to the door said enough.

All in all, things felt okay. Life felt okay. By no means was it perfect, but Nick was thankful he had blessings to count. He’d feel better after the tournament. What should’ve been an exciting time was getting more troublesome. Training, performing, fighting Darren in the duos, and now a not so friendly rematch with Valerie. At least Eliza still had a sportsmanship attitude. He still needed to ask her favor as well. By the end of this she would certainly be sick of him. Nick was surprised she didn't block his number yet. That would royally suck.

His slow walk took down the stairs and back to the front of the manor. He heard dishes clanking from the door to the far left while he grabbed his dark blue winter coat off the rack. “That you dad?” The kitchen door swung open to show Jaune drying a cup and Yang waving in the background as she held a slice in her mouth while talking to Blake. How they managed to swipe pizza out of Veronica’s room was beyond Nick.

“What’s up?” Jaune said, noticing his son put his jacket on. “Heading out? Your mom and aunts should be back soon. Pretty sure they’d want-”

“Veronica and I are going on a dinner date later.” Nick interjected. As planned, his father was derailed. Stammering footsteps came plopping out of the kitchen in the form of a very wide eyed blonde, and a shocked ninja. Blake’s ears even did the little twitch Nick as seen Veronica do whenever she’s caught off guard. “Yeah I thought you all should now. I’d say don’t bug her about it and let her rest, but considering Yang’s feet are already pointed towards the stairs…”

Yang looked down. “Huh...how about that?” She said, walking up the stairs with Blake trying to stop her.”

“Let her rest Yang!”

“But I wanna say stuff~” she whined, “I guarantee you she’s listening to us right now.”

Yang was right on the money. Veronica was currently judging how much strength it would take to lock the door. Her odds were bad. “Okay I don’t care how cute he is. This was cruel!” Veronica thought loudly to herself.

Jaune watched Blake slowly get dragged up the stairs by trying to stop Yang. Without looking, he leaned forward and reached out to grab Nick’s shoulder, who was trying to slowly back up to the door. He faced forward and smiled. “Good attempt, but you’d need a better distraction than that.”

“Eh it was worth a shot…” Nick sighed. He was pulled forward and fell into a surprise hug. He stood silently for a minute before wrapping his arms around his dad. “You needed a hug?”

“Not really, but you looked like you did.” Jaune said, squeezing tired. “You know you’re growing up into a fine young man. Better than me by a long shot at your age. I hope you know your entire family is proud of you.”

“I know dad…” Nick said, his voice getting stuck in his throat a little.

“I know I can’t relate to some of the pressures you feel. Honestly being a part of a household with this much attention and expectation still gets me anxious from time to time. So don’t hesitate to vent to me. You’re a young adult yeah, but I’m still my son and sixteen. Weiss and I would much rather see you yell at an annoying cameraman or get scrappy with a bully than see you try to hold it in for the sake of family image. Remember that.”

How did he do it? It was unfair, downright cheating almost in Nick’s eyes. How could so many people easily call him out? “What’s the point of enduring if everyone I wanna reassure sees right through the act? So much for a brave face.” He muttered. Jaune finally let go of him. The compassionate father poked Nick right where his heart was.

“Enduring an ordeal for the sake of others is pretty brave in my book, but who said you couldn’t endure hardships and still be open to those who matter? Have you meant your friends and family? Besides your sister I don’t think there’s a soul close to you who isn’t an expert of seeing past masks. Val and Vee live with bleeding hearts and the rest have had to put up with me!” He chuckled, “Just like I’m sure you know when someone is upset.”

Nick had his doubts. “Mmmmm, starting to think I might not know them as well as I think. Val is...ugh, I don’t know she is. Learned about Vee’s traits recently for the first time, and Summer-”

“Okay, I see your point. But! Learning new things about them and knowing there’s things you don’t know, doesn’t erase what you did. Y’all are teens. There’s a bunch of things to sort through. At the end of the day though, you know them where it counts. Does that make sense?”

“....Yeah, I think I do.” Nick nodded, thanks dad. Seriously. It’s kinda scary how good at talking you are.”

“Comes with practice, specifically learning to listen and just watch closely. You may not realize it but you do this plenty. It’s a big reason people gravitate towards you. Well… people who are just money hungry anyways, but that’s more of a rich person policy than a Nick-ism. I digress! You better get going before your mother comes back and give you her own talk.” Jaune said. He opened up the door for Nick to leave. “From the way you’ve been acting I assume you’re heading to pay your respects?”

Nick nodded, “I’ll try not to be terribly long. Don’t tell mom unless she asks. You know how she gets?” Nick walked through the door, fist bumping his dad on the way out.

Jaune closed the door and went back to the kitchen. Somewhere above him he could hear giggles and a few squealing. “Hopefully nothing catches on fire up there.”

“You are starting a fire!” Blake yelled, trying to contain Yang’s excitement so the blonde’s hair would stop flaring up. “Use your words.” Blake laughed.

“Please…” Veronica groaned. This level of energy was higher than usual. “You’re more excited than me. It’s just a dinner date. Barely even that. More like a thank you gift I suppose.” That being said the blush coming to her face clearly sung a different tune. “Can we please talk about anything else? I mean mom, you’re here!”

Blake crossed her arms. “So I heard you got into a fight? Let’s talk about that.”

“Ummm, so this date, any suggestions on what to wear?” Veronica poorly deflected. Blake didn’t even respond and Yang was smart enough not to. There was no choice but to talk about it unfortunately. “Sigh….I know okay? Ma told me I should’ve eaten and I didn’t listen. I should’ve, or learn to walk away from-”

“I’ll stop you right there. Don’t think for a second I wasn’t okay with a person getting hit when they were clearing harassing you.” Blake took a seat on the bed. “Expecting you to balance instinct, emotions, and logic here in Atlas was never in the cards, because frankly we don’t know what that balance is. Not to say I assumed you’d fight here. All I wanted was for you to try and...take a break from the norm.”

“If that’s the case then school should’ve been removed right off the back. It doesn’t matter the location, people act the same. Different faces, same insufferability. Only difference is these bozos are rich and human.”

“You make it sound like you aren’t crushing on a rich human whose parents are allowing you to stay in their manor.” Yang deadpanned. “Not making you go to school would only leave you bored and gods know what you’ll do with too much time on your hands. Then again you managed to stir things up already by stealing a spot on the cheer team.”

Blake did a double take. That wasn’t mentioned earlier. “Cheer team? How did that happen?”

“A girl got cocky with me so I out performed her. Honestly I was more than a little surprised by it all. Holding pom-poms, doing flips on mats, and even the couch blowing the whistle, kinda forgot what those things were like until I was in the moment.”

“See? That’s a change from norm.”

“Pretty sure that counts as a return to form.” Veronica countered. “It’s whatever though. Just a temporary thing. Although I’ll admit that Eliza chick, Marigold’s kid, she’s pretty decent.”

Blake wasn’t expecting that easier. “Oh? Well that’s nice. Sounds like that could be not so temporary?”

“Eh, whatever happens, happens.” It was a nice thought. Veronica couldn’t deny that. “Any other thing you wanted to discuss with me? I’d like to lay down for a bit longer.”

“How’s it feel to discuss all this genetic stuff with Nick and Summer? Call it what you want, but telling them was no different from a therapy session if it made you feel better.” Blake stated.

Veronica frowned. “Not how I see it. I’m pretty indifferent for the most part I’d say. Haven’t thought deeply about it. Veronica plopped her head on the pillows and turned away.

Blake and Yang took their scrappy daughter’s hint to leave. Blake got off the bed and was more than fine revisiting the discussion later. Yang briefly bent over Veronica’s covered face and kissed her head.

“Muah! By the way, I’m pretty sure Nick would love to see you in his colors. No heels though. He’s a little touchy about his height.” Yang left after that, closing the door gently. Veronica could only lay there pondering the advice.

“Hmmmm that could work.”

xxxx

While the youth finally got some rest, Adults were hard at work trying to piece together all that’s happened. Ruby and Weiss scoped out the undisturbed frozen lake along with Winter, Nora, and Penny most importantly. Though there wasn’t much to go on. Just crushed rocks, claw marks from ferocious grimm, and a mix of blue and red blood that made Weiss particularly uncomfortable. Ruby sensed that uneasiness and quickly began rubbing her partner’s back.

“Your daughter’s fine.” Ruby reassured. “If what she said is accurate then she never actually lost control.”

“Yeah but the blue dyed snow before us means she just barely held on. That’s too close for comfort.” Weiss held her hands together gently. “It feels like things are getting worse.”

“Because you’re in the thick of it.” Nora spoke, projecting her voice to get their attention. The strong and prideful woman made her way over to them. “Every day you’re worried for her and wake up knowing your daughter is a few rooms away upset. A parent is only as happy as their saddest child, and seeing Summer so distant makes it difficult to see the good stuff. This situation is trying, yes, but Summer still fought back. Your daughter fought Shiva off and killed grimm to protect someone. Determination like that is a sign Summer isn’t done fighting by a long shot, so that means you shouldn’t mope. I mean she gets all that strength to defy assholes from you.”

Ruby gave a big smile. She couldn’t have said it better herself. “Yeah! Nora’s right. We’ll turn this around.”

“....Geez, you two ever stop being helpful?” Weiss said, smiling gently. She was happy to have them here. “Thank you, especially you Nora.”

“Considerate my way of apologizing if Valerie really upset Nick. I told her she needed to call him, especially after him having the decency to call me so I could keep her in the loop about this. Apparently she wasn’t very pleased that he was ill and didn’t mention it. She’s….a lot sometimes.”

“Hey, so were we. I’m sure she means well and I’m not oblivious to the fact Nick can be...a lot as well. I’m partly to blame. I enable some of his actions towards her from time to time. I think I’m projecting a bit. Maybe I should tell him to move on?” Weiss sighed. Perhaps she played matchmaker too much and misread things.

Nora could only chuckle. “Hehe, I wouldn’t. Believe me when I tell you Valerie doesn’t hate having Nick look her way. A little forwardness is the only way she’ll acknowledge problems she doesn’t want to deal with. I can’t say for certainty what those problems are but I don’t pin any of it Nick. Val has a way of wanting her cake and eating it too. She’s gotta learn hard ways that’s not how life goes. I just hope Nick finds it in himself to not hate her because of this.”

“Pfft, I don’t think hate truly exists in his vocabulary.” Weiss laughed. She could count on her hand how many times Nick truly despised a person. “He’ll be petty about it I’m sure, but that’ll go away. Space between them might be good. At the end of the day I at least want them to still be close. Val has a way of motivating him that I like. He actually has fun.”

“Yeah, my Little Thunderhead excels at moving people, that’s for sure. Her semblance would be pretty mediocre otherwise if she wasn’t.”

The three continued talking lightly until Penny eventually walked up with Winter. “Okay, so I’ve finished running some tests of the area and the deposit of Diamond Dust. I have….unique results.” Penny said, a bit baffled.

Ruby wasn’t a fan of that statement. “Ummm that doesn’t sound great coming from a person who reads books written in binary. What did you find?”

“This dust is less volatile than the samples in my lab, even though it’s been untouched for longer. By all means it should be more refined.”

“Well isn’t it a good thing that it isn’t?” Weiss asked. “We barely handle what we have.”

“True, but it’s strange. There’s a couple possibilities that may explain this. Summer may have used up some unintentionally, or maybe Shiva herself was syphoning it.”

Winter folded her arms, “Not a fan of that second option. Based on the story though, what if it wasn’t touched at all?”

“Panic attack.” Penny said immediately. “She hasn’t been here since the accident, right? It’s entirely plausible that Summer’s mind and body remembered the trauma. Repressed memories or outright fear and anxiety could be the basis for this entire event. I tried contacting Oscar if he’s noticed anything different in Summer’s behavior, but I can’t get in contact with him. The seas have been rather violent lately due to weather changes.”

“So what you're basically saying is we're as lost as usual?” Weiss said, falling backwards into the snow. “Juuuuuust great. I’m going to assume the pain attack option then. That’s something I can work on with her. If Shiva is by any chance stronger now then the only thing we can do is what we always do. Brace ourselves.”

Ruby looked down at Weiss. “And option one actually means we have less dust to deal with. That’s a plus!” She knew it was a small amount of positivity but every bit helped. Weiss smiled at her and sat up.

“Here’s hoping for option one as well I suppose. We should probably head back. This place creeps me out a bit.”

Ruby helped Weiss up and everyone began leaving. Penny kept staring at the data she collected and trying to call Oscar. Unfortunately the man wasn’t answering. Her displeased sigh was heard by Winter, who rubbed the girl’s back.

“Not to be insensitive, but your son and Qrow wouldn’t do anything too crazy out a sea would they?”

Winter laughed nervously. “Hehehe….I’m sorry.”

“That doesn’t inspire confidence!” Penny yelped. Now she was only going to think about them being stranded by the gods or in a storm. Hopefully she would hear from him soon. “I guess a deeper study will have to wait. Ruby, can I stay at your place with Whitley for a bit? I don’t wanna go home yet. Too lonely.

“Sure thing! Door is always open. Though I bet you’ll have a livelier time at the manor these days.”

Penny tried her best to act like that would be a good idea. “Tempting, but a certain blonde teenage girl wouldn’t like that much, considering her parents so desperately want my husband to be her therapist. Summer also sees me enough as is. Nick would be happy I was there.” She said in a happier tune.

“He’s not home if I know him well enough.” Weiss frowned. “Times like these, I’m sure he’ll visit the graveyards.”

Truly, her son was easy to read.

xxxx

Right now the boy in question walked through an alley of tombstones and snow, his and covered in pollen. Atlas’s central graveyard had become a place for Nick over the years. The wide space and solitude became a welcoming barrier that blocked out most strangers from approaching him. Even the paparazzi had enough tact to not disturb a person here. His feet carried him down multiple lanes towards an old tree barren of any leaves looming over a grave with no actual tombstone. Standing before it was Eliza, wearing a dark blue winter coat and deep in thought. He wasn’t expecting to see her today.

Nick kept approaching until he stood beside her silently. A cool breeze went by them as the air itself felt still. Eliza eventually shifted her gaze to him, completely aware he was there. She looked down at his dusty yellow hands before speaking. “Talking to your grandma again?”

“Yeah. She says I should eat more sandwiches. Afraid I’m a little too then.”

“Heh, always witty. Visited your gramps yet?”

Nick shook his head, “No that’s halfway across Atlas from here and further from my home. It’s the next stop. What about you? Didn’t expect you to be here today.”

“Haven’t been in awhile.” Eliza waved her hand to cause a brief gust that blew away the snow from the grave and several others. “It needed cleaning and I was in the area. So what brings you here specifically? You only visit here on anniversaries, holidays, and when you’re moody. Last time I checked this is a random day, soooo”

“Eh don’t worry about it. Everything is alright now. Just decompressing.”

“Fair enough.” Eliza put her hands in her pocket and went back to thinking, until she realized Nick was looking at her again. “Uhh can I help you?” She said a little confrontational.

Nick got a little defensive and spoke quickly. “No, just surprised you’re not pressing me to open up.”

“Why? Your business is your business unless you make it my business. Something you’ll do if your attitude negatively affects the preparation for the tournament.”

“Ouch...well if that’s the case then the favor I’m about to ask you shouldn’t refuse.”

That peaked her interest. Eliza actually turned around fully. “You’ve been asking a lot of favors of me lately.”

“I’ve asked like two favors, and you’re the one telling me to directly involve you if-”

Eliza covered his mouth, irritated by him being right. “I know what I said! Sigh… what’s up?”

Nick looked down at the hand on his mouth, getting Eliza to remove it. “You’re lucky I didn’t lick it.”

“You’re lucky I don’t beat you up on hollow ground.”

Nick smirked. “Oh, so you think you can finally take me?”

Eliza squinted at him as her face got a little red. Why the hell did he have to be like this sometimes!? “The next words you speak better be your favor, or I’m walking away.”

“Well I wouldn’t exactly call it a favor but if you’re training by the harbor tonight, I’d appreciate it if you swooped by the seventh dock. The one with the huge building they rarely put cargo in. Summer is going to be there blowing off some steam. I don’t think anything will go wrong but you know, if you got the time…?”

“Hmmm I guess that’s not unreasonable. Wait, how do you know I train by the harbor!?”

“Did you forget my cousin literally owns a ship? If I’m correct, one time he said his sail caught on fire when a random bolt of lightning came down one day.”

“......” Eliza put her hand back in her pocket and began walking. “You’re really annoying Nick.”

“I’ve done nothing! Also I’m not done talking! I actually do have a real favor I’ve been mulling over for about a day!” Eliza kept walking away from him. “Hey! Don’t just- Can you train me!?” He shouted, hoping to gain her interest again.

It worked wonderfully. Eliza stopped mid-step and pivoted around. “Excuse me?”

“Training, yeah uh there’s this thing Schnee’s do called the candle test. Helps with our glyphs. Long story short, I’m ass at it hehe. Summer has stuff going on and it’s not really clicking with my mom or aunt. Since your magic is sorta like what I have to do, I thought maybe-”

“We are in a contest against each other, Nicholas.” She said firmly. “You are my opponent! One of two people currently in my way from reaching the top. Why on Remnant would I help you?”

Nick’s eyes avoided contact with hers. He began to scratch the back of his head as if he’d been caught red handed in a lie. “Because… you value sportsmanship?” He looked at her to receive an unamused blank stare that was colder than the snow. “Uh, and also you helping me in any capacity will let you in on a proposition that you’d find very intriguing. But I’ll only tell you when we’re training.”

“Tsk, I would think a Schnee would know better how to do business negotiations. Why would I make a deal when I don’t know if I even care about it? You tell me now or not at all.”

“I can’t say it now! I gotta smooth out details.”

“Then I guess we’re done here.”

“Fine, then I guess you don’t want a shot at gold with a sure fire way of at least getting silver!” He boasted, catching Eliza off guard. Nick slicked his hair back and crossed his arms to intimate his uncle’s calm yet assertive demeanor. “Yeah that’s right. I’m saying I have an idea crazy enough to benefit you and I. Everyone wants gold of course. However, you got a little more riding on this, don’t you?”

Eliza remained silent. Nick began walking a little closer to refrain from speaking too loud. “Last year was your real debut to the public eye and it was pretty good one at that. Third place is nothing to snuff at in the singles bracket. However...trust me when I say I know third is the worst seat in the house. That’s where the pressure and stress is. One mistake and you're off the podium and that feels terrible when people finally start looking your way.”

Eliza began tapping her foot. He wasn’t wrong. Not by a long shot. Confident as she was, Eliza was aware of her only two options. Do better, or hit the same bar. Winning was the goal but no one was gonna give her shit for losing to the top two contests. Nick and Valerie have been dominating for about three years now, and here he was saying he can get her to second. “Get to the point.”

Nick unfolded his arms. Time to be gentle again. “I cannot get into specifics at this time, but if you wanna show up at the manor anytime this week to help me, we can talk. I can get you second at minimum in King of the Hill.

His eyes burned with eagerness. Eliza had so many questions but obviously he wouldn’t answer them. This plan clearly had to be in his favor to get first, which neither of them had earned before. However, Valerie was first. How did she fit into this? What was going through his head!? Eliza had to know what regardless if she’d actually be okay with it. Her eyes narrowed at him. “Tsk, I take back what I said. Guess you are a Schnee. I will see when I can come over and help. Now, any other obnoxious request before I get driven away from this conversation?”

“Well……” Nick could feel just how dangerous this situation was. “It’s quite a walk to the other cemetery from here….hehe.” Laughing was hard when someone’s nostrils were flaring at you in frustration. Getting closer might’ve been a terrible decision.

Eliza closed her eyes briefly, then turned around to walk away. She went a few steps before briefly stopping. “Knock the snow off your shoes before you step in.”

Nick lit up like a Christmas tree. “You’re the best!!!”

“Why did he get more votes than me!?” Eliza internally screamed.

xxxxx

The day seemed to drag on. It had taken some time for Weiss to return home with the company of her sister and Ruby. Nora had departed earlier to check in on her family. Penny had opted to head towards Ruby’s home before her. They would’ve gone together but Ruby did want to see her niece and Blake. Penny had yet to properly see her friends. Though she wanted to, she thought it best to hold off for now.

The trio walked into the house and were assaulted by the strong scent of what had to be Jaune’s amazing cooking. They could practically see the aroma of spices dance in the air. One spice in particular hit Ruby. It was subtle but sharp at the same time. The kind of spice that sent a zing through your nose and hit your tastebuds. A mouth watering smile spread on her face and her stomach growled.

“Mmmmmm” Ruby hummed, “Somebody brought spices with them from Menagerie.” She sang. Ruby and Weiss wasted no time heading to the kitchen. Inside was an apron-wearing knight stirring a pot of stew, and their favorite faunus in the whole wide world in an apron cutting vegetables.

Blake didn’t even need to turn around to know what giggling pair just entered the kitchen. She put the knife down all the same and turned around with her arms wide open. “Well-” she couldn’t even say her boastful introduction before her two cheecky smile teammates dove in for a hug. All three of them just became a choir of happy laughter as they embraced one another.

Weiss finally let her friend go to get a good look at her. “Look at you! Traveled all this way and you’re helping make dinner!? I don’t deserve you!”

“Well I saw Jaune breakout a pot and I figured he’d enjoy some help without fear of something burning.” Blake jabbed. Ruby immediately tucked her lips to stop herself from snickering at the diss.

Weiss’s jaw dropped. She still smiled however, crossing her arms. “Oh ha ha, I’ll have you know my cooking is leagues better than what you remember since last time you had it. I can cook amazing meals all by myself!”

“As long as it doesn’t involve a fryer.” Jaune added, walking over to kiss his wife’s cheek really quick.

Weiss’s face got a little flushed. “Grease is bothersome.” She mumbled. Blake could only chuckle at the remark while walking to the pot and dumping the vegetables inside. The smell of the stew intensified and reminded Weiss she is still very much the weakest in her friend group when cooking was involved. “How are you going to outdo me in my own home? Why’d you bring spices in the first place!?”

“Don’t question it!” Ruby shouted. Her body went on autopilot to grab the plates and cups for the dinner.

“Ruby, aren’t gonna make dinner at home?” The room said, thinking about Whitley.

Ruby then proceeded to grab one of Jaune’s tupperware containers. Apparently they were now feeding Whitley as well. Ruby knew they wouldn’t mind, so she felt no remorse when filling it. Her boldness knew no bonds.

“Ruby, how do you know they aren’t making enough food for the people in this house?”

“Because this household would crumble anytime Jaune did a mission and didn’t make enough food for weeks.”

“I can cook!!!!” Weiss yelled.

Jaune playfully rolled his eyes and patted Weiss’s back. “Ruby isn’t completely wrong. Anyways she can take as much as she wants. Nick and Veronica have a dinner date tonight so they won’t be joining us for dinner. Then I don’t if Summer-”

“Nick and Veronica have a date!?” Weiss and Ruby shouted.

“Oh yeah… that happened while you left.” Jaune tried to reach for the ladle for the stew but Weiss swatted his hand before turning his head back to her. Fortunately Blake swooped in to continue stirring. “Yeah so they’re going on a date tonight. I don’t know details.”

Weiss turned to Blake who shrugged. “I didn’t press Veronica too much about it. Yang should be upstairs with her trying on dresses.

“Behold! A beautiful sunflower in the snow!” Yang cried out from outside the kitchen unexpectedly.

“Or I guess she’s downstairs now.” Blake turned off the burner on the stove and moved the pot before following her friends out to the main hall. Outside was Yang standing proudly with her hands on her hips and staring up the stairs proudly. Jaune and Weiss’s eyes went wide while Winter seemed….impressed? As much as she could be. Her feelings towards Veronica in general were mixed. The girl was definitely beautiful though. That was just a fact.

Blake looked up to see her daughter all dressed up at the top of the steps. She wore a white, thin strapped dress that had a light blue sash around her waist. The skirt portion went down to about knee level and the flats she wore were also white. The bottom of the skirt brought more color in by being an intense light blue that faded to white half way up; lace snowflakes were intricately etched on to that portion to break the color up. Gloves that went just passed her elbows followed a similar scheme but started white at the hands before transitioning to blue. To top it all off, a pretty little light blue ribbon formed a bow on top of her head. It was that accessory that made Blake notice that not only wet her ears gone from sight, but so was her tail.

Veronica’s face was stricken with a decent shade of red. Her feet shuffling in place a little as she rubbed her left arm. “So….ummm thoughts?” She said anxiously. “This is just one of several ideas so no need to hold back.”

“Several? What, did you make these in a couple hours?” Winter asked.

“No. I’ve been working on a Fire and Ice collection recently. This dress in particular was already put together for the most part. Although the snowflakes at the bottom was a last minute decision I made half an hour ago.” Veronica swayed to make the skirt flow side to side. “Normally I’d say adding flames or snowflakes is a bit heavy handed since the colors of the outfit already speak fire and ice, but I don’t know. Felt appropriate. Especially since the white lace is on the blue. I even have them on the upper rim of the gloves. Made sleeve versions too.” Veronica inspected the stitching to make sure it was okay. “Hmm not my best work, but I kinda like it.”

“I kinda love it!” Yang proudly said. “Oh it takes me back to the Beacon dance a little. Back then another Schnee was outdone by a Xiao Long wearing white.”

“Ha, no! Your dress didn’t even look done!” Weiss shot back, refusing to take such slander. “This dress is ten times better than what you wore.”

Ruby nodded. “Yeah sis, your dress was pretty plain. Didn’t even have a bow.”

“I couldn’t find one!” Yang defended.

Judging by the banter, Veronica was getting positive vibes from the dress. She looked at Winter since the woman was there. Surprisingly, a thumbs up was given. “Well that was more positive than I expected from her.” Veronica thought. The only person who remained silent was Blake. Veronica turned to see her mother assessing what her daughter had on. The silence she gave made Veronica a little concerned. “What’s up mom? Not a fan of how thin the straps are? It’s not a low cut anywhere.”

“No, all that is fine. I just have to ask, why-” before Blake finished, the front door opened once again with Nick coming through it this time. Everyone froze in place by his sudden entrance. Including him!

“Uhhh why is everyone just standing in the front of the house?” Nick questioned. It was only when he looked up the left staircase did he get his answer. “Oh, that’s why. You look...wow.” He said, rather clumsily. “I didn’t think you’d get ready three hours ahead of schedule. I still gotta wash up from the grav- I mean my walk. Yeah, walk, around town. With no real location stopped at.” He had no idea why he kept saying things. The deadpanned look on Winter and Weiss’s face clearly showed they knew where he was.

Weiss gave a reassuring smile and poked his forehead. “No need to lie, especially so poorly. If talking to them brought you some form of clarity then by all means have at it.”

“Yeah it’s not my business either.” Winter added, ruffling his hair.

Veronica wasn’t exactly sure what they were discussing, but it looked like things were going well. Nick even looked like he was in a better mood then when he left. His eyes went back to Veronica and made her fidget a little. The gaze he gave her was focused, deliberate even.She didn’t know how to feel about it until Nick began to look a tad displeased. “I-Is something wrong?” Veronica asked hesitantly.

“Not wrong, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen you cover your ears. Tail yeah, since it can get in the way a bit, but why the bow?” He asked, pointing at it from afar. Everyone looked towards her for an answer, especially Blake. Nick had beaten her to the question.

Veronica looked down at her feet for a moment before looking at her family, crush, others. She never really knew what to call Weiss or her siblings. “Well normally I wouldn’t cover them, but while you were gone I kept thinking about this date…and how I wanted it to be a simple night out.” Heat began to rush to her cheeks. “So you know, people will stare and judge less if I’m like this. Not that their opinions matter, but I’d like to keep things peaceful as much as possible tonight. That’s all.” She looked at Blake who was looking right back at her. The answer didn’t seem to upset or surprise the mother. Veronica played with her a bit. “Is...that okay?”

“Hmm? You’re asking permission? It caught me off guard seeing it. Whether it be for aesthetic or personal reasons, I won’t dictate how you wanna design your clothes as long as it’s appropriate. After all, ribbons and I have a history. Couldn’t judge you if I wanted.”

That was a relief to hear. Veronica had completely forgotten her mother wasn’t a stranger to trying to blend in. “Well if that’s settled-”

“Hold on.” Nick softly said, his calm footsteps walking up the stairs to meet her. Everyone fell speechless as they watched him. Veronica for some reason felt as if the mood had changed. The room was quieter, air completely still. The face of the boy in front of her began to look more earnest than it has ever been as it got closer, stifling her breath. Nick extended his hand out slowly till his fingers clasped a corner of the bow, then unraveled it.

The ribbon flowed slowly into his palm and then was brought down towards Veronica’s. “If a calm night means you have to hide, then is it really a calm worth having? Like you said, those people don’t matter. Besides, I like your ears.”

Burst, Veronica felt like her heart could’ve burst. The blush on her cheeks deepened greatly and her eyes went wide from the shocking words. She had barely remembered to breathe. If she paid attention to the audience below then she would’ve been embarrassed by the grins that went ear to ear but no. Veronica only noticed Nick and his gentle smile that matched his words. Her mind finally caught up with itself and Veronica grasped the ribbon ever so slowly.

“O-Okay…” she said without thinking. Anybody else may have gotten more of a debate on it. Not him though. Not after words like those. “I’ll...make a few adjustments then.” She said, flattered and flustered as she walked back to her room without any more words.

“Take your time. You still have about three hours like I said, plus I gotta wash up.” He reminded her, not realizing just how sweet his words were. He turned back around to see smug faces and contained laughter. “What?”

“Nick…” Winter said, smiling with her hands on her hips. “And you wonder why girls flock to you obsessively. You’re too much.”

“I’ll say.” Blake said, admiring the boy. “But you know what? There’s something perfect about that. Nicholas, thank you.”

He wasn’t entirely sure what he did but he got embarrassed all the same, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. At least things finally felt relaxed in this house. “Umm you’re welcome?”

With teasing done and the mood lightened, everyone went back to doing their respective things. Jaune and Blake went back to prepping food. Weiss went with Ruby to set tables and properly catch up, while Yang decided to keep Winter company since both her son and Qrow were off adventuring. The chatter filled the hallways and even reached upstairs to not only Veronica, but Summer, who finally managed to fall asleep peacefully. Even Nick found a bit of proper rest in the bath. The soothing warm water filled with epsom salt was more than enough to make him doze off. Time steadily went forward and the adults began winding down. However, the kids were just getting ready for the night.

xxxxx

Dusk finally came. Winter leaned up against the main door waiting until she saw Nick coming walking down the stairs looking dashing. His crisp white suit, ice blue tie and handkerchief were perfectly in place along with his slick back hair.

“Hey Whitley jr.”

He groaned, “Please don’t. This is why I do nothing with my hair. One minute I look like dad, then the next I’m uncle.”

“Grow it out more then.” Winter suggested.

He shook his head. “That’s a slippery slope. Too long and I’ll be compared to you, mom, and sis. I guess my face is just too great.”

“Pfft, you just know you can’t compete with all this.” Winter sassed, turning her head to sway her hair. Nick would have objected if she wasn’t right.

“Whatever hehe. Anyways, everybody still here?”

“No, Ruby eventually headed home, but everyone else is strung about. I’m heading out myself but I figured I could drop you and Veronica off for your date.”

Nick gave her aunt a huge smile. “Awww, auntie!”

“Oh hush, don’t make it a big deal. It’s convenient, that’s all.”

“Well I appreciate it nonetheless. Veronica will too.”

Winter mumbled,“She better show it by not getting you or sister into trouble.”

“I heard that.” Veronica called from up the staircase. Winter and Nick looked in that direction to see her walking down. Nick wasn’t prepared.

Veronica had switched the gloves out for detachable sleeves that still exposed her shoulders. They also followed the same white to blue pattern. What really changed was she used the ribbon to make a high ponytail and now dawning jewelry. A pearl white necklace rested around her neck and complemented the pearl earrings she wore. Slowly she approached Nick with her hands holding each other in front of her. Veronica’s face was still a healthy shade of red. This close, Nick couldn’t help but smell of peach nectar. An interesting and oddly refreshing choice for perfume.

“Well...ummm...you weren’t kidding when you said you would out dress me.” Nick said, captivated. “I’d say you’re one billion, easily.”

Veronica chuckled nervously. “Hehe,th...thanks. I wouldn’t go that far, but I appreciate it.” Looking at him was harder than usual. Men’s dress shoes had a bit of heel, so Nick actually was a bit taller then her now since she chose flats. It could only be by an inch or two but it made a hell of a difference to her. “I had a little help near the end. These are actually your sister’s pearls.”

“Really? Oh, that’s right! I think the only reason she got them was so this other rude girl couldn’t. I don’t remember the specifics.”

“Wow. You two are….extremely petty at times.” Veronica said. Yeah pettiness was nothing new to her, but she’d never bought something to spite someone else. That’s the lifestyle in Atlas she supposed. “Anyways, if you’re ready to go then I am too. I’d really like to avoid-”

Click! The sound of a camera cut her off. The two teens looked back to see their parents all taking photos. Trying to stop them would be impossible. The only thing they could do is quietly wait for the clicking to stop, which was thankfully over in seconds.

“Gee I didn’t realize I lived with paparazzi.” Nick quipped. Another flash came from up above the second floor. Summer and her bed head leaned against the railing. “Summer!? You too!?”

“I came down to eat and saw we were embarrassing you. How could I not?” She took one more photo and then made her way down to the kitchen. “Have fun. I’m gonna eat and go right back to bed.”

Nick knew she was lying of course. That was the real reason she came down now, to announce she’d be sleeping in her room so nobody would disturb her. Summer, never missing an opening, also collected everything she needed from upstairs without anyone noticing. It was scary how far she’d plan ahead sometimes.

Winter finally decided to open the front door and head out. “Let’s move people. Rich or not, it’s rude to be late for reservations.”

“So strict. Almost think that you’re about to go drill instructor on me.” Veronica jokes, walking out the door.

“Don’t think I won’t make you drop and give me twenty just because you’re in a dress.” Winter shot back, closing the door as Nick walked out.

“The sad thing is she isn’t kidding…” Weiss nervously said. “That’s gonna be a long car ride.”

Summer came out of the kitchen with a bowl of stew and an evil look in her eye. “Why are there less left overs than usual? Who had seconds?”

“Ruby took some for Whitley. As well as had seconds…”

Summer squinted as if Ruby was there to actually receive the grumpy look before putts spoonful in her mouth and walking back upstairs.

“Ma’am, the table. Not your room.” Weiss said, using her mom voice.

Summer did a heel turn to the dining room. “Who made this stew!?” She said annoyed. Jaune and Blake both raised their hands. “It’s fantastic!” Was all she said as she continued walking.

Blake and Yang looked at each other confused before looking at their friends.

“Hangry.” Was all Jaune said.

“Ah…” the couple said together.

The moment Summer was out of sight from everyone she put the bowl down and searched around the living room quickly until she found her guitar case. Quickly, she grabbed it and opened a window towards the side of the estate and tossed it on a set of glyphs that hopefully propelled it right into her open room window. She then ran back to the dining room to sit down and eat comfortably.

“Phew! That was the last thing. And now I wait.” She took another bite of the stew happily. Nothing tastes better than an escape plan coming together.

#rwby #rwby au #rwby twin snowflakes #jaune arc #ruby rose #weiss schnee #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #nora valkyrie #nicholas schnee #summer schnee #val valkyrie #winter schnee #penny polendina #veronica belladonna #rwby whiteknight

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tslasvegas · 4 years ago

Text

Episode 12: “I’ve been awakened.” - Xavier

Well that vote went exactly how I had hoped it would... and then the super idol came out! I'm glad that it's out of the game now once and for all, but I guarantee that Liv is going to find something else along the way. It's so hard for me to summarize everything that I'm doing around here because I feel like I'm doing a lot. Maybe that's going to come bite me in the ass this coming vote but idk, I'm not mad about it. I definitely limited myself a lot by really not going for the money shot and convincing Jeff to use his vote steal on Joey to get Joey the hell out of here, but maybe in some weird way it works. Because now I have John's 8 chips and I'm going to need as many as I can get to somehow beat Livingston. I definitely think that snubbing this vote is going to be my biggest detriment only bc it provides the opportunity for Livingston to ascend higher as a threat, but also avoid getting voted out at our next convenience. I still really want Kailyn to go, but I think the goal for everyone else is to get rid of Livingston or myself (maybe Joey) at the next tribal council. Ugh. Heh... I never would've thought that I could pull off that kind of a move and have it not fully work out in my favor. It was a cool feeling regardless and I'm not crushed if it means I played myself out of the game. I give myself credit where it's due, I'm going to continue fighting as always and hopefully I come out on top :~)

Last Luxor standing

youtube

Whelp, there goes the Super Idol. Jaiden is a snakey little snake snake. Pat and Jeff are naïve as all hell. I'm not 100% sure I believe Jaiden now, but apparently Joey's plan was to cut me at like final 6 or something. And people are so convinced that Livingston and I are a duo. I mean we are, but like maybe if anyone would ACTUALLY FUCKING TALK TO ME AND TRY TO WORK WITH ME, we wouldn't be??? Like don't whine and bitch that Livingston and I are a duo who are going to stick together and not turn against each other if you can't even be bothered to respond to a single fucking message of mine. I have no issues voting out whoever is necessary for me to get farther in the game. But when only a limited number of people express in interest in going farther with me? You better fucking bet I'm working with those people. Anyways, can't wait to vote out Jaiden, Kailyn and Xavier. xoxo Gossip Girl

Waiting on Immunity Results, but whatever happens the 5 of us need to vote together, and be smart about it! We know that liv, Keegan and Joey will vote together. Probably for me next. So Jeff Pat need to stick with us. We need to split the votes 3-2, and use a vote steal, cancel or extra to get it to 3-3 just in case of idols. We need to be smart about this. Going all out and proposing this once results are in. I am going to the Jury next anyway, go out guns blazing.

...five seconds later

OMG I WON IMMUNITY! Finally something good! I figured most people gave their correct numbers, and if not, just chose a number close to theirs. OR they didn't coordinate so well, so some gave a higher number and others gave a lower one, so it cancelled out. Also helps that I knew Liv and Pat's numbers with the advantage. Pat gave mine accidentally so I knew his was in the 40s as well. Phew. Now to figure out whether to use the Steal a Vote now or not.

I came so close to winning immunity but it was rudely snatched away from me by Xavier. On the plus side, Livingston found the hidden immunity idol on the idol board! Heck yeah! As long as there isn’t a full blindside we should be good now!

(originally written 11/23, night after super idol) Anyways what rly bugs me is that Jeff is actually mad at me now for the fact that he wasted his vote on Joey and I tried to get rid of Livingston instead... and I think I put myself into a spot where I need to apologize to him and make him feel good about me again. Tbh no I don’t. Jeff said to me that he’s got to play his own game first and mine second. So why am I playing some other people’s games first? Because it benefits me to play everyone’s hand for them, yes, but also I’ve been caught trying to run the entire table a little too early. So maybe now it’s time for me to do something a little different - play my game first. It’s now fully Jeff’s fault that Joey didn’t leave. I told Jeff precisely what he needed to do to ensure Joey went home. He needed to play the vote steal and send Joey on packing... and he didn’t. So now when Pat and I finally talk tomorrow and he tells me what’s up, I’m not gonna hold back. I’m going to throw Jeff under that bus so fucking hard his head will spin. Pat doesn’t know about the vote steal and I think I’ll hold that piece of information over Jeff’s head a little bit longer - I know something no one else knows about you, keep me safe or it’s coming out and everyone’s going to come after you. So tomorrow I will blame Jeff to Pat. Sure I was the person who made the move, but it’s my game and I’m playing it now. If Pat doesn’t like my apology, then kiss my ass and take eighth place. Bye!

...five seconds later

I'm pessimistic as FUCK so I'm fully expecting to go home tonight and I'm writing this confessional against better judgment because I need to rly focus on letting my mental state get back to normal rather than Survivor mode before I get voted out lmfao. Anyways, tonight is FINALLY the night where I'm making my last move against Joey, one way or another. This is the decision that will either determine oops sorry as I was writing that, I just realized something else... this is ME making yet another move that makes Jeff think I'm controlling the whole entire game I love that for me hehe. Should I convince the entire tribe to vote out Jeff instead??? Let's go fully with the chaos mode. DRAW ROCKS BITCHES!!!! Jk Jk Back to my original point - this is the vote that determines whether I was worth being brought back for this game or not. I'm not trying to be this like crazy strategist who has all these cracked plans to take out Joey but that's where we're at rn. One side of me like, trusts Jeff but the other side of me doesn't. So I told Jeff about Joey's legacy advantage and now it's like, getting Jeff to want to turn on Joey. Even though Joey told me he wanted to get rid of Jeff it seems like Jeff is not as stressed about it. I'm pretty sure Jeff turned votes against me instead, it is what it is. It's the game. However, Jeff would be really stupid to not vote out Joey now while he has the chance... it's probably going to come down to Jeff winning this whole entire thing if he makes the correct move tonight because I'm certainly not going to turn my back on him if he follows through. But, crazy things have happened tonight. And it's about to get a whole lot crazier. :) Although I'm like, CERTAIN I'm going home tonight or at least getting votes. OK IM TRYING SO HARD TO WRITE THIS CONFESSIONAL BUT SO MUCH IS HAPPENING AHHHH IM STRESSING OUT BUT I KNOW THERES A GOOD PLAN OUT THERE FOR ME TO MAKE AND HOPEFULLY IM NOT SCREWING MYSELF OVER

...five seconds later

OKAY I think I'm gonna be ok but I'm taking a HUGE risk rn!!! Basically putting my vote onto Liv with Joey and hoping Joey 1) doesnt have an idol and 2) gets the rest of the votes. But my logic for voting Liv is simple. If Joey actually has an idol he's been hiding, he plays it and reveals I voted for him again if I don't do it. It also prevents me/Kailyn from going home 2-1-0 since Keegan and Liv seem to be locked in on one of us (likely me). If somehow Jeff/Pat are lying and are part of split, it'll go 2-2-2-2 which is not only insane but it also gives me a PERFECT platform to light people up, namely Jeff and his vote steal advantage. But we'll see! I'm predicting to go home tonight :) But at least I made a move when I could. Good luck to me <3

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lachlantrash · 5 years ago

Text

“Why are you Crying?”

"Mom, I promise we're fine. Sawyer's our little buddy, he's our responsibility. You've done your job raising kids, okay?" You tell your mom, holding your son Sawyer as your mom walks around her kitchen, getting a lunch put together for you. You, your husband Lachlan, and your son Sawyer flew to America for two weeks to visit your family since you moved to Australia to live with Lachlan.

"Honey I know he's your responsibility, and you and Lachlan are doing great with that. I see Sawyer sometimes in Lachlan's videos and when we call I can tell how good you two are doing being parents. It's just, you need a break. Even if you don't realize it, you need to have at least a night for just you and Lachlan as husband and wife, not as Sawyer's parents. It's okay to put yourself first sometimes, especially when Sawyer's nana is begging for a night alone with him to sneak him all the cookies he wants." Your mom says, making you laugh. Lachlan comes into the room, having just finished uploading a youtube video he pre-recorded.

"Hey babe, did you get the video up?" You ask, letting Lachlan take Sawyer from you before sitting in the chair next to you.

"I sure did, thanks for keeping our little man busy. I know he can be a handful sometimes, huh buddy?" Lachlan asks Sawyer, ruffling his hair which makes Sawyer laugh.

"Stop daddy." Sawyer laughs, swatting Lachlan's hand away from him.

"Sawyer's never a handful, he's always good for me." You hum, watching Lachlan continue to ruffle Sawyer's blonde hair. "Leave his hair alone, it's cute the way it is." You say to Lachlan.

"Want mumma." Sawyer says, moving Lachlan's hand again and reaching out for you. You grab him from Lachlan, smiling when he wraps his arms around you as best he can, resting his head on your shoulder.

"He's just a momma's boy, and it works so well because he looks just like me, it's your weakness (Y/N)." Lachlan sighs, looking at you with a teasing smile.

"She's always liked blondes, I remember when she was little she would tell me how she wanted her husband to be blonde. She had such a crush on Luke Hemmings from that band when she was a teenager." Your mom laughs, making a blush rise to your cheeks.

"Luke Hemmings, he's from 5 Seconds of Summer, yeah?" Lachlan asks.

"Yes! That's the band. She made me buy her tickets to their concert once, because she was hoping he'd see her in the crowd and fall in love with her." Your mom recalls, spilling it to your husband.

"Ah, so blonde Australians are kind of your thing, huh (Y/N)?" Lachlan asks, attention turned to you.

"Oh shut up, maybe I should've gone for Preston when I had the chance." You sigh dramatically, making Sawyer lift his head from your shoulder.

"Mumma and Preston?" Sawyer asks in a questioning tone.

"Yeah, you tell her Sawyer. That's crazy talk, if you were with Preston you wouldn't have this stud, or the stud in training." Lachlan says, pointing to himself and then Sawyer which makes you laugh.

"Lachlan, I was telling (Y/N) earlier that you two should leave Sawyer here with me tonight and go get a hotel room in the city. Go have a date night, get a couple drinks or whatever and take a break from parenting." Your mom says to Lachlan, and as soon as she says the words you know Lachlan is going to agree to it.

"Are you sure? I mean I love the offer, (Y/N) and I haven't had a night off duty in awhile, but you're not obligated to give us a night off." Lachlan says, turning to look at your mom.

"Nonsense, it's my pleasure. I love Sawyer, I'm more than willing to watch him tonight so you two can relish in the newlywed years of your marriage." Your mom says, placing bowls of pasta on the table.

"Thank you so much, what time do you think we should head into the city, babe?" Lachlan asks, looking at you.

"I don't know, we could always see what Mitch and Jerome are up to." You hum out in reply, trying to get Sawyer to eat some of your pasta.

"That's true, we could go to a bar with them for awhile then get a hotel room." Lachlan says decidedly. "I'll text Mitch now."

"Are you sure you're alright with this, mom?" You ask, looking at her as she sits across from you now, eating the food she made.

"(Y/N), I'm sure. Shut up and eat." She says, making Lachlan laugh.

~~~~Timeskip.~~~~

"Are you sure I look good enough to go out, Lachlan? I wasn't expecting us to be able to have a date night while we were here, I would've packed some better clothing options." You laugh, looking yourself over in the mirror of your old bedroom. You're wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a low cut t-shirt, though nothing too risque because you didn't know you were going to get to take a night to escape life with Lachlan.

"Babe, you're fine. That shirt is perfect, green looks good on you." He says, wrapping his arms around you and looking at you in the mirror. "Plus, I can see your boobies. It's perfect." He laughs, watching you roll your eyes.

"Seriously? My 'boobies'? That's pathetic, Lachlan." You sigh, taking his hands off you so you can get your shoes on. You look at Lachlan, loving the purple thin hoodie he has on. You're happy your mom offered to watch Sawyer, you haven't really had much time lately to be flirty with Lachlan.

"Yes, your boobies. They're great, spectacular really." He laughs, knowing you hate the term 'boobies' because that's what Lachlan taught Sawyer they're called.

"Let's go before I murder you." You sigh, getting your overnight bag. You leave your room, going into the living room to see Sawyer sitting next to your mother watching Lachlan's videos on youtube from her tablet. "Hi Sawyer!" You say cheerfully, sitting next to him before putting him in your lap. "Are you gonna be good for Nana while daddy and I are gone?" You ask, resting your head on top of his and watching the screen with him.

"Mhm." He nods, not really paying attention to you.

"You promise?" You ask, pausing his video so he will pay attention to you.

"Yes, mumma! I wanna watch daddy." Sawyer scolds, going to press play on the video before Lachlan walks into the room.

"Hey Sawyer, listen to your mom." Lachlan says strictly, making Sawyer huff in annoyance.

"Mumma and daddy aren't coming back tonight buddy, okay? But we'll be back tomorrow, I promise. Nana is gonna be here he whole time, and if you wanna call us just ask her, okay? I love you, Sawyer." You say, placing a kiss on top of his head. He immediately turns in your lap, facing you with worry in his eyes making your heart hurt.

"Why? You're gonna go with daddy?" Sawyer asks, scanning your face. "When daddy leaves, it's long. I don't want you gone a long time, mumma." Sawyer whines, tears building up in his eyes.

"No, Sawyer honey no! We won't be gone a long time, I promise! We're just gonna go see some of our friends, okay? We'll be right back tomorrow, I pinky swear. Mumma and daddy aren't gonna be gone a long time." You reassure him, wiping away the tears that are falling from his blue eyes, making your heart melt looking at him.

"Daddy just needs a night alone with mumma, okay buddy? I promise she's all yours tomorrow." Lachlan says in a teasing tone.

"I don't want you to go." Sawyer sniffles, wrapping his arms around your neck and he cries into your shoulder.

"I know buddy, I'm sorry. Mumma and daddy need a night together, but I promise we will bring Macca's home with us for lunch tomorrow, okay? And nana is so much fun! She's gonna bake cookies with you, and you can call daddy and I before bed, okay? C'mon, give me a kiss and a hug goodbye." You coax, rubbing his back soothingly until he stops crying.

"Okay." He sniffles, rubbing his tears with his little hand before giving you a tight hug. He pulls away, letting you give him a kiss before putting him on the couch. "You'll be back tomorrow?" He asks, watching you walk towards the door.

"Yes, we'll back tomorrow bub. I love you!" You say, waving from the door as you leave with Lachlan behind you. You two get into the rental car, Lachlan in the drivers seat and you in the passenger seat. Lachlan pulls out of the driveway, and once he's on the road he grabs your hand.

"C'mon, spill. I know you're upset about what just happened." Lachlan says, rubbing your hand comfortingly.

"I just, I don't like it when he cries. It makes me feel like a bad mom." You sigh, trying to get the image of your cute little boy crying out of your mind.

"You're everything but a bad mom, (Y/N). That kid loves you so fucking much, you're such a good mom that he's attached to you, that's all. He doesn't really have nights away from you, so he's not used to you leaving him. He still loves you." Lachlan says soothingly.

"I know, he's just my little boy." You sigh. "I don't like seeing him cry, I almost cancelled our date, y'know." You say.

"That would've been devastating, my heart would've broke. I know he's your favorite, but our one and only date night would've been cancelled over a few tears?" Lachlan asks, making you scoff.

"Shut up, you know he's not my favorite over you. You two are both my favorite, just in different ways. You're my favorite husband, and he's my favorite kid." You say.

"Oh, so you have other husbands then?" Lachlan teases.

"I'm going to punch you." You laugh.

"Seriously speaking though, will Sawyer still be your favorite when we have more kids?" Lachlan asks, briefly looking at you before returning his eyes to the road.

"Of course not, once we have more kids I can't have a favorite. When are you planning we have another kid, though?" You ask as Lachlan pulls into a parking lot behind a bar.

"I'll probably put one in you tonight." He shrugs, making you gasp as you punch his shoulder. "Ouch! What?" He asks.

"That's just, god I can't believe you just said that. Just for that, we aren't gonna have sex tonight." You say, making Lachlan look at you skeptically.

"C'mon, it's our one night without the little guy, don't you think it's the perfect time to get another one in the works? You know your mom wants us to have a lot of kids, I bet that's why she even offered tonight. She's trying to get the ball rolling." Lachlan says, making you laugh.

"I doubt my mom offered to babysit because she's trying to get us laid, Lachlan." You roll your eyes, getting out of the car and waiting for Lachlan to join you before you go start walking to the bar.

"Whatever, we'll see what Mitch and Jerome think. I say we let Mitch decide if we try for a baby tonight." Lachlan says, grabbing your hand.

"I say that's something you and I decide, because we both know Mitch is going to just say yes. He thinks Sawyer is the cutest thing in existence, you know he's going to say we should try for another as soon as possible." You say, entering the bar. You easily find Mitch and Jerome at a booth, drinks already in front of them.

"Hey guys, got room for two more?" Lachlan asks, scooting in next to Jerome leaving you to sit next to Mitch.

"Oh I guess, but only because we've missed (Y/N)." Mitch says, wrapping his arm around you. "To who do we owe the pleasure to, having you two have a night off parenting duty?" He adds.

"My mom, she all but forced us to leave Sawyer with her tonight so we could have a night to ourselves. She even booked us a hotel room." You laugh, looking at the drink menu they have.

"So with our night off, I'm thinking we should start working on baby number two, do you guys agree?" Lachlan asks, ignoring the daggers you're throwing at him with your stare.

"Wait, is that even up for debate!? Of course you guys should start working on baby number two, you guys owe the universe so many kids if they're all gonna be as good looking as Sawyer is. It's only fair." Mitch says, making Lachlan smirk at you.

"I don't know if you guys should yet, y'know? Lachlan has some P.R events this summer, and if (Y/N) does get pregnant tonight, she'd be in the middle of the pregnancy then. She'd be like, 6 months pregnant and taking care of a three year old, it doesn't sound like good timing." Jerome argues, making you smirk back at Lachlan.

"So I guess it's a 1 to 1 ratio, Lachlan. Guess we're gonna have to decide tonight." You shrug, happy it's not 3 against 1.

"Ah, so Lachlan wants to try tonight but you wanna wait longer?" Mitch asks, removing his arm from you to take a sip of his drink.

"Well yeah, he wants me to have four of his kids. If that's gonna happen, we need to have our second kid soon. I'm not too sure whether I want four yet, I'd be fine with only three." You shrug, happy a bartender comes over so you can order your drinks.

"I don't know, I think you guys should have at least 4, if not more. Think about all the cute little mixes of you two, it'd be fucking adorable." Mitch says in awe.

"I feel like Mitch wants you two to have a fucking army of kids." Jerome laughs.

"I don't blame him, our kids are adorable as hell. At least, Sawyer is. We're gonna have to make more to test the theory." Lachlan says, making you roll your eyes.

"We'll have more kids Lachlan, but I don't know about tonight, okay? I'm still upset Sawyer was so heartbroken to see me go." You sigh.

"Sawyer was crying as soon as (Y/N) said she was coming with me. He didn't care that I was heading out, but his eyes teared up as soon as she said she was leaving. He said that when I leave it's always for a long time and that he didn't want his mom to be gone for a long time, I think he thought she was going on a work trip with me." Lachlan says to Mitch and Jerome.

"That's so sad, dude. He's just accepted that you travel a lot, but he's that attached to her?" Jerome asks.

"Yeah, I mean I guess I travel sometimes but I didn't think he really noticed it much." Lachlan shrugs, thanking the bartender who comes back with beers for you two.

"I tell you that he notices, he loves you even if you try to argue that he doesn't." You say, taking a sip of your beer.

"Well I know he loves me, but he loves you way more. It's probably because you've only ever spent like, three nights away from him total, including tonight." Lachlan says.

"You know damn well that's not true, we spent a week without him when we went on our honeymoon." You respond with.

"I forgot about that, whoops. I guess you win on that one." Lachlan says, smiling at you. "I think it's only fair we have another kid so that I can be their favorite." He says as if it makes the most sense.

"Well, what if this kid loves me more?" You ask.

"Then you two will have to keep making more until one of them thinks Lachlan's the best fucking thing in the world. It might take like, six kids though, because it's obvious (Y/N) is better than Lachlan." Mitch chimes in, making you laugh.

"Yeah, y'know let's just have six kids. That's a great idea." You say sarcastically.

"Good idea, let's get right on that! We can start tonight." Lachlan says.

"I'll admit we're probably having sex tonight, but if you don't shut the fuck up I'll walk to a CVS to get condoms." You say seriously.

"Yikes, I'd shut the fuck up, dude." Jerome says, patting Lachlan's shoulder.

"Noted." Lachlan mumbles. "What about you two, either of you settling down soon?" Lachlan asks, changing the subject to his two friends.

"Well, I might propose to Jess soon..." Mitch trails off, jumping when you squeal beside him.

"I think that's the first think you've said tonight that I 100% support! Do you have a ring yet? Any idea how you're going to do it?" You ask excitedly, Jerome and Lachlan laughing at you.

"Uh, not yet... I'm thinking maybe like, on a trip to Australia? Like, I can tell her we're going to visit you two, but one night bring her to that beach she loves down the road from your place, walk along it and drop the question... I don't know." Mitch says, blushing.

"Oh my god, yes! Please do that, it sounds perfect! She'll love it, and she'd never see it coming because you haven't visited us in awhile!" You say.

"I don't think it can top the way I proposed to you, with all the pet names built up over a month." Lachlan laughs.

"I'll admit now that that was cute, but for that month of pet names it was annoying." You say, recalling the month Lachlan was in Florida where he called you a different pet name each day.

"Good for you though, Mitch. Jess is a great girl, it's about time you popped the question. Of course, (Y/N) and I are willing to help if you do it in Australia." Lachlan says.

"If you do it there, I'm coming. There's no way I'm missing another proposal." Jerome says, making you laugh.

"You can stay at our place Jerome, give them privacy at the hotel." You say. All of you continue talking for an hour or so, before Mitch and Jerome need to get an uber back to their house before it gets too late.

"Thanks for coming out with us tonight, I really miss the late nights we'd have before you two were parents. Although, it's totally worth missing out on if it means Sawyer's around, I'm gonna come visit your moms this week to see him." Jerome tells you, giving you a hug as you all walk out of the bar.

"For sure, you can come see my little man." You say. You and Lachlan get into your rental car, both of you only having two drinks each. "I'm gonna call Sawyer to say goodnight." You say to Lachlan, turning the car radio off as he starts driving.

"I bet he's fine, (Y/N)." Lachlan sighs, though he doesn't try to stop you.

"Hello, mom? Can you let me talk to Sawyer?" You ask, looking at your mom on the facetime call.

"Yes, we're about to go to bed so this was perfect timing. Sawyer, come say goodnight to mumma." Your mom says, and you hear the patter of Sawyer's feet before he takes the phone.

"Mumma?" He asks excitedly, looking at you with a smile.

"Hi buddy! Are you having fun with nana?" You ask, feeling relieved he's not crying.

"Mhm, we made cookies for you! I made one with extra chips for you mumma, don't let daddy have it." Sawyer, says, making you laugh.

"Daddy's here too, say hi." You say, turning the camera so Lachlan is on screen.

"Hi daddy! I made you a cookie too, but no extra chips." Sawyer says, making Lachlan laugh.

"Well, thanks anyways buddy. I'm sure it'll be delicious." Lachlan says as you turn the camera back to you.

"Are you getting ready for bed?" You ask Sawyer, who nods into the phone.

"We're gonna watch pokemon on the big tv and then nana's gonna read me a book." Sawyer says, making a smile appear on Lachlan's face.

"That's my man, you watch pokemon." Lachlan says, making Sawyer giggle.

"I miss you, mumma." He sighs, making your heart start beating faster.

"I know buddy, I miss you too. But mumma and daddy will be back tomorrow, 'kay? Remember, we're bringing you Macca's." You remind him.

"Okay..." He mumbles. "I'm gonna go watch pokemon, I love you mumma." Sawyer says. You can tell he's tired, you're sure he would've put up more of a fight otherwise.

"I love you too buddy! I promise I'm gonna be there tomorrow, and we can even go to the park, okay? Tell nana that daddy and I said thank you." You tell him, watching him nod as he hangs up on you.

"Do you feel better knowing he's okay?" Lachlan asks, and you nod your head weakly as Lachlan pulls into the hotel parking lot. "Hey, why are you crying?" He says once he's in a parking space, being able to look at you.

"I just, I hate when he's sad." You say, trying to wipe at your tears.

"Babe, he's gonna be fine tomorrow as soon as we're back. We needed tonight, we really did. We haven't had a night to ourselves and for our relationship, we needed it. I go away a lot, which doesn't help the fact that we're parents. We need to make more time for ourselves and sometimes let Sawyer go to my parents or sisters or something, I honestly forgot what it was like to have a night for just the two of us. But it's not good that Sawyer is that attached to you, he needs to be okay with you going out every once in awhile, it's part of life. Not that you're abandoning him or anything, but you need a break too. It's not fair that I get to travel for work and your whole life revolves around him, I'm sorry. You should start going out with your girls sometimes so he can see that I'll be home sometimes when you're out and vice-versa, he shouldn't be worried about either of us leaving for good." Lachlan rambles, grabbing your hand and rubbing at it comfortingly.

"I know Lachlan, god I know. I just love him, I love him so much. He's my little man, I hate seeing him cry. He looks just like you and I hate seeing you cry, and on top of it, the whole maternal thing comes in and I just feel so guilty knowing I'm the reason he was crying." You sniffle, trying to keep the makeup on your face somewhat decent.

"But you shouldn't feel guilty, you don't leave him all the time. It's okay babe, I promise. You're a great mom, the best mom I know. That's why I want to have more kids with you, you're just so gifted with children it's just instinctual for you. You're amazing, and don't let tonight be ruined because you feel guilty. I promise taking tonight to go out doesn't make you a bad mom." Lachlan says, dropping your hand to put his hand on your chin, tilting you to look at him so he can look you in the eyes.

"Thank you, Lachlan. I really, really fucking needed that." You say, smashing your lips against his. You two keep going, letting the kiss build up until you can't stop panting. "We should go into our room and start going on baby number two." You murmur, pulling away from his lips and looking into his eyes.

"Are you serious?" Lachlan says, an expression of pure delight on his face.

"I'm 100% serious, you're a great dad Lachlan, and an amazing husband." You say, smiling as he attaches your lips once again. "Babe, I'm serious. If we don't get into a bed soon, I think I'm going to ride you in this rental car. Let's go." You laugh, disconnecting your lips again and opening the car door.

"Yeah, yeah alright let's go." Lachlan says, quickly getting out of the car with your overnight backpack on his back, his own in his hand as he grabs your hand outside of the car, basically running to the hotel entrance. He quickly checks you two in, moving to the elevator as soon as he gets the room key.

"God, I'm so in love with you." You laugh, squeezing Lachlan's hand as you get in the elevator.

#lachlan #lachlan power #lachlan imagine #lachlanpower #lachlanyt #lachlanimagine #lachlan x reader #lachlanxreader

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kneewall49 · 5 years ago

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When will this Rain Stop!

March 24, 2020

Must be nearly 4 weeks we have lost on prep of the platform now. Each time it stops raining it takes 2 days at least of bright sunshine to harden the surface, but then it rains again.

We were all set to go again tomorrow, but it rained hard overnight and we are back to square one. I’ll have to call the roller hire place and postpone yet again :(

In the mean time we haven’t been idle.

1) got a casual job at the Noosa Kayak shop working for Andy Ross hiring out SUPs and sit-ons, although the CV19 has put a stop to that. Got two days in anyway, helps to pay for those recurring ‘cost of living expenses’ instead of the continual drawing down of funds, which are not propped up now with such low interest rates.

Below: View from the office :)

2) decided to get on with the retaining wall on the west side of the guest room while things are quiet. We are getting some erosion due to rain on that cut. I’m getting engineer’s plans done now. Footer will go in first, and Paul suggests using quarried ‘split rock’ as an economical material. He said he’d stack them with his bobcat. Will get a couple of truck loads once the footer goes in.

3) big event of the month was the completion of the first straight run of the board formed path retaining wall. Looks good and was fast to do with my forming method. Best part, I have made an arrangement with the local mini mix dude to drop off ‘hot loads’ (unwanted concrete mix) anytime I’m ready to accept one. Instead of $320 a mc, he takes $50. Saves him pay to dump at the tip, probably 50-100, plus my 50, makes us all happy. Also turns out mixing bags is about 3x the cost of buying ready mix. To finish the first run I need some dry weather to back fill the wall with rock, lay the ag drain, plastic and geotech fabric before topping with crushed concrete topping. Doing the path is something to do while waiting to start prep of the pad.

4) had to also cancel the truck to move the container twice. The container has to be out of the way before we start work on the slab. He was coming yesterday at 2, then it pissed down at 1:30.

5) had an awesome paddle with Col and Motoko around to the main beach and out to the point of the National Park on Sunday morning. Beautiful sunny day (before it rained again). We took the V8 double which is a bit more stable than the Carbo. On the way back through the bar I waited for a big set for a ride in. We got a beauty, cresting nicely for the first 100m or so, till it stood up over a shallower bar and we went straight down. The V8 double has a fairly fine nose, not much volume, and you sit fairly close to the nose. First time I’ve ‘pearled’ an ocean ski. I thought we’d pitch pole but at the last minute it flicked left and we when sideways for a while. All good, bounced stariaght back in, retrieved my lost hat and caught the next one coming thru. Water temp is gorgeous at present, and so sparky clear out of the river. Great fun and Motoko is calm and happy for the ride, even when not going exactly to plan.

6) Jamie helped cut down the strangler fig out side the caravan yesterday morning. It started to bear fruit and was becoming an overnight food stop for bats. We don’t want a bat colony developing so yesterday we cut it down. We were considering keeping it as it has a loverly branch structure, but it’s not viable if it attracts bats. The BX came in very handy again moving the logs and branches down the block to dry out. Would have been an ugly task moving by hand.

7) as I’m typing this it’s raining hard again. I had the ute down on the pad yesterday as it was dry, now I can’t get it out again. No way I was getting up in the middle of the night to drive it to dry ground.

8) still no buyers for Frank’s place. Guess with CV, it’ll now be even harder.

9) had our first home grown pumpkin for dinner a few nights back. A butternut number which I made into chips. Very tastie, but not enough to see us through a CV famine :). There are about 6 big Halloween types growing at present. Biggest is about 400ml across. Maybe soup maybe a better option.

10) the hotel Motoko’s working at has now closed so she be out of work till this is over. Maybe fortuitous as I’ll need help with the slab prep.

11) got the sign up so we are all official now :)

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foreverbeingthunderbuddy · 7 years ago

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Prove Myself [Part 5]

Pairing: Peter Parker x female/Superhero!Reader

Warnings: Cuss words (as usual)

Summary: Having powers and being able to do things that others can’t do is something you don’t want to deal with on your own. You want to help. You want to be an Avenger. A dream you had for years, finally coming true? Too bad, nothing goes as planned. Being new in NY is hard enough, more so as you develop a crush on one of your new classmates, Peter Parker. The plan? Make the Avengers aware of you and then have them come to you. Easier said than done.

A/N: Soo I am three days late on posting this chapter but apparently no one noticed so yay me ( ° ͜ʖ °) Also, Infintiy War killed me, watched it twice and I’m dead (Gif by @tonystarkz )

Little did you know that the spider now knows your real address and your real hair colour.

---

Your mum doesn’t suspect anything.

It’s the weekend, so she slept in and you told her you came home before she woke up. Your “friend” is busy today, that’s why you couldn’t stay any longer. She simply smiled and hugged you, her hair a mess and her eyes not fully open, but she was happy for you. That made you feel a little guilty; you don’t like lying to her.

But you also absolutely, definitely, without question won’t ever tell her what happened last night. She knows about your powers (there is no person that is closer to you than her), because when it happened, you were too scared and helpless to not confide in her. It was a crazy time back then.

But it would give her a fit if she knew that her daughter had a stand-off with the Avengers at night on a roof top.

It’s Sunday, school starts tomorrow, which is a disgrace. The last thing you want to do is go to school. Especially, not after what happened to you last night. What if you go out and run into one of the Avengers?

They don’t know how you look. Everything’s fine.

They know your voice and your height and your skin colour.

Why would I run into the Avengers? Don’t they have better things to do than go shopping?

Well…

Everything is fine.

You stare at your computer screen. Thor’s face stares back at you. You still don’t know how you withstood his attack. You mean, theoretically, you do understand how you did it; Tony explained it and you googled it after you woke up this morning.

But he is a God. And you are you. There are worlds between you, how is it possible that your powers are equal – in that regard?

Hrmpf.

You need sleep.

---

“You look like you ran over the neighbour’s cat, Y/N. Come on! This is exciting! Your first day of school! Show me your smile. This is the beginning of something completely new, what a big moment!”

It wouldn’t surprise you if your mum brought a camera and took pictures of you in the passenger seat whilst driving you to your new school. Thank god, she doesn’t do that. Those wouldn’t have been pretty pictures.

“Okay, here we are. Ooh, look at that. It looks nice. Not like a prison at all, a plus point” Your mum jokes while inspecting the school building. You smile. A plus point, indeed. Your last school was a nightmare.

“Thanks for driving me here. See you later” You say and hug her – even though she is annoying today, you can’t leave without hugging her, that would be cruel – and open your door.

“Good luck! And have fun! Maybe you will see your friend again, she could help you on your first day. I love you!”

You get out of the car saying “Sure. I love you, too” and walk around the front into the direction of the entrance. You can’t help but feel nervous. So many new people … urgh.

---

First period is Economics. Not bad. The teacher makes you introduce yourself – which is bad – and you do it as fast as you can and take a seat in the front. Unfortunately. Normally, you don’t mind sitting in the front row, but having a bunch of strangers sit behind you and probably watch your every move makes you uncomfortbale. You keep your attention to the front and never turn around to look behind you.

After that you have Calculus. Not bad either. The good thing about being new is that the teachers go easy on you and except for the introduction in the beginning they let you sit there in silence without calling on you. Nice.

The teacher, Mr. Carney, might be your favourite because he doesn’t even make you introduce yourself, he just goes “Ah, Miss Y/L/N. Nice to meet you. People, this is our new student, Y/N Y/L/N. Today is her first day and I expect all of you to help her as much as you can to make her feel at home and help her find her way.” He points at a free desk in the third row. “Miss Y/L/N, you can sit there next to Mr. Leeds.”

You give him a grateful smile and make your way to the third row, taking your seat as silent as possible – Mr. Carney has already moved on and started teaching. You like him. He doesn’t waste his time and seems to be the straight-forward but polite type of person, which is very appealing to you. Your mum is the same way.

Mr. Leeds introduces himself as Ned to you, whispering “Hey, nice to meet you” and offering his hand to shake with a genuine smile on his face. You return the gesture and tell him your first name.

“Y/N. I like that, don’t know many people with that name.”

You smile. “Thanks. I like Ned, I always thought it sounded friendly and smart. Though, I know a couple of Neds in my hometown” You say while opening your textbook.

Ned lets out a dramatic sigh. “Damn it! I wanted to b-“

“Mr. Leeds, if you would be so kind as to not distract Ms. Y/L/N from this class, that would be very much appreciated. You can tell her about the school’s history and the building’s architectural structure after my lessons” Mr. Carney dryly says without cracking a smile. His sarcastic remark is accompanied by a couple of chuckles.

You feel a little embarrassed and are quick to occupy yourself with the book in front of you and the formula that is getting written on the school board by your teacher.

“Ned” A boy suddenly whispers behind you. You feel your arm hairs stand up at the sound of his voice. Where did you hear that before? It sounds very familiar but you can’t place it.

You slowly turn around to look at the person that voice belongs to. He’s sitting directly behind you, arms on his desk and his eyes are on Ned. Brown hair, brown eyes, pink lips, cute smile.

They seem to be friends.

“Carney hates you, you know that. If you get detention, our trip to the comic book store is cancelled again, man, don’t do this to me” The boy half jokes, half threatens.

That face. That pretty face. You have seen it before but where? You moved to NY two weeks ago and you didn’t meet that many people in the meantime. His voice sounds familiar and his face looks familiar but you can’t connect the dots.

Oh god.

Are those the first signs of dementia??

“Shhhhh! I won’t get detention, Peter, relax. Now if you would stop distracting me from this class, that would be very much appreciated. Thanks” Ned repeats his teacher’s words and turns around to face the front of the class again, a smile on his face. You can see the same smile playing on Peter’s face, whose eyes have travelled from his friend to you.

Without taking them off you he whispers “Right. But we really need to tell her about the school’s history and the building’s architectural structure after this lesson.”

He’s clearly just joking by quoting their teacher’s comments but wow. You don’t know what to say. You can’t think of anything witty to reply, so you just half chuckle like a horse and turn around in your seat to stare at your textbook.

Well. That was embarrassing. Cute boy tried to joke – flirt? – with you and you ruined it. Great!

Great.

“I was just joking, you know?” Peter says behind you, sounding much more insecure. You bite your lip.

“I know” You murmur without turning around. You feel like he wants to say more but decides not to. From the corner of your eye you can see Ned throwing you a quick glance at you but you pretend not to notice it.

---

The second you first saw Peter you knew you were doomed.

You felt immediately attracted to him. After that one embarrassing conversation.

It is something about his puppy eyes and his cheeky smile that makes you all flustered every time you take secret glances behind you.

So, as a matter of course Calculus class is nerve-racking. You can sense Peter’s presence behind you the whole time. You feel his eyes on you but as soon as you subtly turn around, his eyes are on his paper, eagerly writing down notes. Safe to say it’s very distracting.

As the bell rings and marks the end of the lesson, you sigh in relief and quickly pack your things. Lunchtime. YES.

Someone taps on your shoulder before you get the chance to walk to the door.

“Hey. I didn’t introduce myself, yet. I-I’m Peter” He says and sticks his hand out to shake yours. He seems to be the more awkward type, not at all what his previous comment suggested. You shyly put your hand in his and smile. Pretty sure he has the prettiest brown chocolate eyes you have ever seen.

“Y/N.”

“Nice to, uh, nice to meet you, Y/N” He says and smiles back. Pretty sure he has the prettiest smile you have ever seen. It is probably meant to be calming but it makes you very insecure. Pretty people make you very insecure.

“Likewise.” You let go of his hand and take a step back. “See you, guys.”

“Have we met before?” Peter suddenly asks and you stop. He is still smiling but there is a little frown now. His eyes search your face for answers.

“I don’t think we have. I mean… I don’t know.” You shrug, “I thought your voice sounded familiar and I think I have seen your face before but I’m not sure.”

“Yeah, I… I didn’t think about it until I heard you say more than two words at once. I mean- I don’t mean this in a negative way, I just meant, you know-“

“Yeah.”

The way he quickly tries to retreat after he thought he was being rude, the way he stutters in that – you have to admit – cute way, the way he stumbles over his own words …

You have heard that before. You are sure.

Peter looks at you, smile vanished, serious expression on his face, eyes on your eyes like he’s trying to read your mind. This is getting freaky.

“So… you guys know each other?” Ned breaks the awkward silence. Thank god!

“No” You say at the same time Peter says “Yes.”

“Apparently” You correct yourself. Peter looks out of the window as if he’s searching for something. You try to stop staring at him.

“What classes do you have after lunch?” Ned asks, obviously taking on the mission to un-awkward things. The three of you are still in the classroom, the other students as well as the teacher have already left.

“I’m not sure. I haven’t memorized my whole schedule yet” You say.

“Understandable” Ned says with a sympathetic tone. “Peter and I have P.E. next, maybe-“

“Yeah, I think that’s my next class, too” You interrupt him with a smile as you remember that part of your schedule.

“Cool! Let’s go to lunch, you can sit with us and then we’ll show you the way to the gym.”

You nod, shoot him a thankful smile and follow Ned. Peter stays close behind you as you make your way through the school to the cafeteria. He doesn’t say anything while Ned bombards you with questions about your hometown and your old school.

You avoid Peter’s gaze during lunch and you avoid it during P.E. as much as you can out of fear to get distracted and do or say something stupid. How long have you known him, a couple of hours? And you already have a crush on him? Pathetic.

It doesn’t help that Peter is the cutest boy you have ever met, plus he is really nice and smart. After all, he is wearing a t-shirt that says Forget lab safety – I want super powers. Cute.

You try not to stare at him while you all do your exercises and when they say goodbye to you to head to a different class. Sigh.

---

The next couple of days are no different. In fact, your crush seems to deepen, the more time you spend with Peter and Ned, which is not that much. You don’t have many classes together and Calculus is the only class where the three of you sit together, so for the rest of the time you stare from a distance.

Not like a stalker, of course. Just kind of like an admirer.

You have hoped you could be friends with them. Not the occasionally-talking-during-class kind of friends, the hanging-out-on-the-weekends kind of friends.

But it doesn’t look like that’s happening in the near future. Ned and Peter are a perfect duo – and they are loners. They don’t seem to let other people into their very small, exclusive group except for one person. Michelle.

It’s Monday again, your first day at school was a week ago. In that week you spent a lot of time watching Peter and therefore also watching his friends and you made a couple of observations.

Ned and Peter are best friends but Michelle is friends with both of them. They are always together during lunch breaks – that one lunchtime you spent with Ned and Peter apparently was an exception because they never invited you to sit with them again. That hurt a little, you have to admit. You thought you got along pretty well and they liked you, but it seems you misinterpreted things.

You sit alone during the breaks, eat in silence and watch them have lively conversations with lots of laughter. Peter and Ned seem to have forgotten about you already. They are very nice to you in Calculus but they just don’t … you know. They appear to be perfectly fine with holding you at a distance. Sadly.

They were probably just nice last week because it was your first day.

But what’s even worse is Peter’s obvious affection towards Michelle. Or maybe affection is not the right word. Crush is much more fitting. He’s got a thing for her. You can see it in the way he looks at her and listens to her when she tells them a story. He looks so … so happy. So interested.

Like she is the most important person in the room.

It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth and a stinging feeling in your stomach.

You don’t know Michelle. You have one class with her but you two never talk. She looks a little moody at times and she acts like she doesn’t care about what anyone thinks. You actually like that about her and you don’t have any reason to dislike her.

Which is fuckin unfortunate, to be honest.

You sigh onto the apple in front of you. Your mum was worried you might be lonely and here you are – lonely. You need to take matters into your own hands. Not in relation to the Peter thing. No, you will leave them alone, they made it quite clear how they feel about you. They don’t dislike you, you can’t imagine that, but they’re not interested and you will respect that.

You need to find your own friends.

You look around the cafeteria. Everyone is busy chatting and eating. No one, literally no one sits alone. God, this is unpleasant.

You take your tablet, stand up and take it away. Without spearing the Peter-Ned-Michelle trio another look you leave and stroll down the hall. You don’t know where to go. As you walk around a corner you see a boy and a girl coming towards you. You recognize them instantly, Liza and Flash. She is in the same chemistry class as you and Flash … well, he is Flash. A bully. Everyone knows him.

They see you three seconds after you saw them.

“Hey, Y/N” Liza says and smiles at you. She is actually a nice girl, she is just always in bad company.

“Hi, Liza” You say and prefer not to look at Flash to not encourage him in any way. Of course, he doesn’t need that extra encouragement.

“I’m Flash” He says and very visibly checks you out, “Have we met before?” They have stopped before you; you are standing in the middle of the hallway with a few students walking around you.

“No, I don’t think so. I’m Y/N” You reply because you feel you have to. You don’t like Flash and you most definitely don’t like his attention.

“Are you new?” He asks. You’re pretty sure he is the only person in this country that can ask someone basic questions and still sound arrogant doing it.

“Yeah, I moved to New York three weeks ago.”

“Where are you from?” Why is he so nosy? Why can’t he just leave you alone?

“I’m sorry but I actually need to talk to one of my teachers, she said if I came to her classroom during lunchbreak she would have time for me, so I need to go” You lie and start moving, “Sorry.”

Flash looks perplexed – he’s probably confused about the fact that you would rather go talk to a teacher than him. Maybe you were being a little rude but you don’t care. This is Flash. He bullies Peter. That’s enough to hate him.

“Hey, Y/N!” You hear Ned shout behind you. You turn around and see Ned, Peter and Michelle looking back and forth between you and Flash. There are frowns on their faces. They couldn’t possibly hear what you and Flash talked about but they probably saw you talking. And Flash didn’t look like he was being mean to you, which, quite frankly, would make any bystander suspicious.

“What?” You shout back. They look bewildered. “Sorry, I need to talk to my teacher. See you!”

You turn around and proceed to walk down the hallway until you reach another corner and disappear from their view. How did your grandma use to say? Always leave them wanting more.

---

You can’t help but notice Peter’s stares in chemistry class. It’s Tuesday, you have only exchanged a couple of words with the Trio. They didn’t ask you about Flash yesterday but it is clear that they’re curious. Michelle actually took that opportunity this morning to say more than three words to you like she usually does and warn you about him. You shrug it off and say you don’t really know him and you only talked for a couple moments.

“Flash means trouble. He is a bully, Y/N. If I was you, I would avoid that guy as much as I could” Ned said in a portentous tone. Normally, you would have been touched by Ned’s concerns and efforts to make sure you won’t get into trouble but you couldn’t help but feel annoyed by their obvious assumptions that you’re the dumbest person in this school. You know Flash is a bully, you know he is bad news and you stated your great dislike of him to them last week when they first told you about him.

The fact that they thought you would be stupid enough to seek Flash’s company voluntarily was quite an insult.

“Thanks, Ned, but I know what I’m doing. I know who he is and I’m not naïve, okay? You don’t need to worry” You said, trying to keep your discontent out of your voice.

“You two looked noticeably friendly yesterday” Michelle said while inspecting your face. Friendly. In what world. She doesn’t seem to be as observant as she thinks she is.

“Guys. It’s fine. Please, just drop the subject, okay? And don’t take this the wrong way but … this is not really any of your business. I don’t mean to be rude but it’s the truth. I appreciate your concerns but please just leave it” You said, immediately regretting your words when you saw the disappointment in Ned’s face. Peter hardly said anything, he just watched you while his friends talked to you. To your satisfaction he looked worried.

“We just wanted to help you, Y/N. Be careful” Peter decided to say. We just wanted to help you. You would have lied if you said that didn’t touch you.

“Okay. Thanks.”

Michelle sighed and looked at Peter before looking back at you. “Fine, whatever. But don’t say we didn’t warn you.”

You nodded and took a step back.

“What’s your next class?” Ned asked, being a literal sweetheart. You smiled at him, eager to sooth the mood and pull them back onto your side.

“I’m not sure, I still don’t have my schedule memorized, yet” You said with a nervous chuckle, which caused Ned to smile at you empathically and Peter to lose his worried expression, having it replaced by a soft look in his eyes. You tried to ignore the fluttering feeling in your stomach. Michelle looked already bored with that conversation.

“This is all still very new to me.”

That comment hit Peter like a bomb. His expression changed instantly, from soft to absolutely startled. His eyes grew wide and his mouth fell open. He didn’t gasp but he might as well have. His reaction alarmed you.

“What?”

“What did you say?” He said breathlessly without taking his eyes off you.

“I uh, I said this is all still very new to me” You repeated precariously, it almost sounded like a question. “Why?”

“Peter, are you okay?” Ned asked his friend. Even Michelle looked a little worried.

It’s apparent that Peter was speechless. What a sight. Hadn’t it been so bizarre you would have gushed over his adorable expression.

“I uh …” He said, looking for the right words. He still stared at your face, scanning every little part of it, even eyeing your hair. It made you very self-conscious, not gonna lie.

“Yeah … yeah, I-I’m fine. We, let’s just- can we go? I mean to class. I need to- I uh … um.”

What an ingenious explanation. It clarified absolutely nothing. You wished you could have read his mind.

Ned looked unsure of what to do, so naturally Michelle took over. She grabbed Peter’s arm and pulled him with her.

“See you, Y/N. Ned, come on!”

“Okay …? Bye, Y/N” Ned said, still seeming very uneasy. He raised one hand as if to wave you goodbye and you reciprocated the gesture.

“Bye.”

And off they were.

---

Sooo. Fast forward to now, later that day, chemistry class, the penultimate period of the day.

Peter sits one row behind you, you can see him from the corner of your eye. Not once has he stopped staring at you. What the hell happened? What could he have possibly heard when you said This is all still very new to me? What’s going on in that beautiful head of his?

You can’t concentrate on what the teacher is saying and you desperately wait for the bell to ring. You are definitely not used to the sudden wave of attention you are receiving from your crush.

To your surprise Ned waits at the door when you leave the classroom. You first think he is waiting for Peter but the way he smiles at you and promptly starts talking to you gives you the feeling he actually waited for you.

“Do you mind if we walk to German class together?” Peter suddenly asks behind you, making you jump. He looks determined, his brown puppy eyes are colder than the usual and his lips are pressed into a straight line.

“We don’t have German together” You say confused. You only have German class with Ned.

“Yeah, I know. I’ll accompany you anyway” He says and starts walking. Wow. Did he take shy Peter into the woods and shot him there or what happened?

Ned doesn’t contradict him and simply follows Peter. So, you do the same. The three of you walk down the hallway without saying anything. Not awkward at all.

“So where are you from again?” Peter asks, finally breaking his silence and his staring that made you really self-conscious and uncomfortable. He walks to your right, Ned to your left.

“Peter, she talked about this last week during lunch, man, you need to listen better” Ned teases his friend, though he appears to have noticed how bizarre Peter is still acting, too. “You okay?”

Apparently, Ned isn’t in on it and is as clueless as you are.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Peter throws a quick glance at Ned before his eyes go back to you. This feels like surveillance. He almost looks like he dislikes you but you can’t think of any good reason why he would think so badly of you.

What did you say that made him do a complete 180?

“Since when have you been in New York?” Peter continues to ask. He’s not shy anymore like he was twenty minutes ago. He has lost all of his embarrassed, charming side and now appears to be a completely different person.

Not gonna lie, he does intimidate you a little. Open disproval never goes well with you.

“For about two weeks. Um, two and a half weeks to be exact.”

“Hm. And why precisely did you move to New York?”

“My mum found a new job here, so naturally I went with her.”

“Which you already told us” Ned says with an eye roll directed at Peter that communicates something like Peter, you’re an idiot. Yes, he is. And a little creepy.

Peter ignores Ned’s scolding and goes on with his interrogation. “What do you think of rich people?”

That question takes you off guard. How did he get from Moving to NY to Opinion of rich people within five seconds? How strange is that?

“Excuse me?” You walk around another corner and dodge other students walking towards you.

“What do you think of rich people?” He repeats and waits for your answer.

“Peter, are you sure you’re okay? Did something happen?” Ned asks. Both of you decide to ignore Ned’s questions.

“What I think of rich people, hm. I uh… I don’t know. Like people above average or like millionaires, billionaires …?”

“Like billionaires. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, Tony Stark and the like.”

Tony Stark. Tony Stark. Why did he say Tony Stark? Why, out of all people, did he say Tony Stark? There are many others one would have named first before thinking of the head of the Avengers. Is this really a coincidence?

“I uhm, I don’t really know Zuckerberg or Gates, I don’t use Facebook but I heard Bill Gates donated billions of dollars to charity, so… I like him, I guess” You answer, leaving out Stark intentionally. Unfortunately, Peter notices.

“What about Tony Stark? He makes donations, too, I heard. And he saved the world a couple of times, doesn’t that make him the best of them all?” He asks with a curious yet suspicious undertone.

“Yeah, of course. I like him. He seems arrogant sometimes, but he does so much good stuff and he seems to really care about … us.” You try to keep your voice as normal as possible and you hope he doesn’t hear it in your voice how much you adore the guy. There are a lot of people who don’t like Tony Stark, and you don’t want to start a fight.

“He’s Iron Man” Peter states and watches you. You force an innocent smile on your face.

“I know.”

“He owns the Stark Tower. Have you heard of it?”

You are getting into dangerous territory. You only realize now how tense you became during this conversation.

“Yup. Have seen a couple of pictures.”

“Ever been there?”

“Nope” You lie. You hold eye contact as you answer, so that it seems more sincere. You’re not sure if he actually buys it, though.

“We’re here, guys” Ned interrupts while looking from Peter to you and back. He must have sensed the tense atmosphere. Which is not a hard thing to do seeing as it is almost visible between you two, a dark, anxious something.

You have stopped at the classroom door and make room for other students to walk inside.

Does he know something? He can’t, that’d be impossible. How would he know something?

You start to get frustrated with your bad memory – His voice sounded familiar when you first met him but where the hell do you know him from??

Ned suddenly turns to Peter and puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Dude, have you brought Mrs. Rowland’s book with you? The one she borrowed you last week and asked to give back today in Biology?”

Peter lets out a groan – an actual groan – and puts his hands on his hips, his head lowered, his eyes on his feet. “Shit. She needs it for another class today and she reminded me several times last week but I forgot. I’m gonna be in so much trouble.”

Something in your head clicks at that last comment. A cold shiver runs over your skin and your heart starts beating rapidly.

I’m gonna be in so much trouble. I’m gonna be in so much trouble.

A memory comes into your mind.

| After he freed you, he takes a step back, puts his hands on his hips and looks at his feet.

“This is going to get me in so much trouble” He mumbles. You could kiss him. |

Oh. My. God.

NO.

Ohmygod.

Peter Parker is Spiderman. Peter Parker is Spiderman!! Peter fucking Parker is Spiderfuckingman.

What the actual fuck.

You knew that voice sounded familiar. You just didn’t recognize it at first because when you first met him on the roof, he distorted his voice and it sounded deeper. But now as he stands right in front of you, doing the same pose as he did over a week ago, saying the same thing … how did you not notice earlier?

You stand perfectly still, a crass contrast to how you feel inside, and stare at him with wide eyes. Your heart is beating up in your throat.

The man you have adored for years now – the man you have looked up to is a student at Midtown High who is as nerdy as his best friend, wears a t-shirt that says Never trust an atom – they make up everything, has the prettiest eyes you have ever seen and apparently plays for Tony Stark’s team.

Mind. Blown.

Man, you are really slow today, the billionaire question should have been a red flag and a hint to make a quick getaway ASAP.

He knows. He definitely knows.

Get yourself together! You need to get away from them but don’t make Peter suspicious, he mustn’t know that you know.

“Nah, man, I don’t think you’re in that much trouble. Mrs. Rowland likes you, she would never grouse at her favourite student” Ned comforts his friend.

“You think?”

“Yeah, I-“

“Hey, guys, um, I’m actually not feeling very well” You say, trying to sound ailing, “Would you tell Mr. Huber that I went to the bathroom and that I’ll join you as soon as I’m feeling better?”

Sweet, sweet Ned actually looks concerned about you. It’s not hard to figure out why Peter likes to spend time with him. Speaking of, Peter doesn’t look as concerned as his innocent nerd friend. He looks like he is trying to read you. For some reason, though, he decides to remain silent.

“Sure, Y/N, I’ll tell him. Do you want us to come with you to the bathrooms, in case, like, you pass out or something?” Ned asks. You feel a little guilty lying to him, his concerns look very sincere. You put a grateful smile on your face and hope they don’t see through you.

“No, I don’t think that’s necessary, but thank you, Ned. I appreciate it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yup.”

“Okay, then” Ned says with a shrug. Peter has a look on his face that is hard to interpret. You avoid his eyes and turn into the opposite direction of where you were originally headed.

“Come on, Peter. You’re late.” You watch as Ned grabs Peter’s arm and pulls him forward as an attempt to make him move. Peter looks unfazed for a moment, still watching you closely before he makes a decision and gives in to his friend.

“See you later, Y/N!” Ned says as he disappears in the classroom. That leaves you and Peter alone. You don’t say anything, just stare at each other.

“I hope you feel better soon” Peter finally says while turning around and walking down the hallway.

---

The minute you are around the corner you start to run. Obviously not to the bathrooms but to the entrance of the school building. Too bad you have no idea where it is, you haven’t inculcated the routes through the school yet. Damn it. Being new sucks.

You turn around a couple of corners and run down several hallways when you suddenly feel a familiar prickle on your skin that makes you come to a dead halt. You last felt it when you ran away from Spiderman after he freed you. That particular prickle that announces the arrival of someone. And not just someone.

Thor is coming.

And he is coming for you.

---

Tag list: @brightcolorsoffendme @sonal-ily @courtneychicken @lionheo04 @just-call-me-trash-can @yourwonderbelle @willowtighe @theeaniilsson @laurie-ofmoonlightandstardust @wowpeterparker @tienna-laufeyson16 @spaceandstars @n-ghtwind @dulcetminds @the-black-panthers @prancingdestiel @ashleyhearto @jadepc @writings-of-a-girl @hottrashformarvel @theyoungest-weasley @thewhinersoldier @fanboyswhereare-you @cococola-cocaine @missrowle @patootiepatoopiiiiii @maripurcell92-blog

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moccahobi · 6 years ago

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Hot And Cold [Jungkook x Reader] College AU!

Summery: Cheesy pick up lines. Generally they’re used by someone suave and cool, but what happens when the person using them just seems to fail time and time again to be anything but a stuttering mess?

“Fat penguin!” Jungkook shouted at you, his large build putting you in shadow as his cheeks grew a deep red color.

“What did you call me?” You asked, more confused than anything as this model-looking man started to stutter out an answer, his face paling by the second, “I-I-I don’t m-me-mean to say t-that you’re fat. N-no! I- A fat p-pen-penguin would break the i-ice… I wanted t-to ta-- nevermind. B-bye.” He stuttered out before bolting out of your college’s courtyard. You stayed sitting in your chair with a friend from your Philosophy and Star Trek class, stunned. Who ever that was… you’ve never seen someone change so suddenly.

“What just happened?” You tried to laugh awkwardly but instead a strangled grunt came out as you curled up into a ball on the lawn chair.

“I-I don’t know, but I… I don’t know… I’ll have to see.” Namjoon mumbled, “I will say, I’ve never seen Jungkook act like that.”

“Wait- that’s Jungkook? I always thought that from you guys had described him he was like a prepubescent baby.” You said, shocked that that god-like man was the “prick” who always cancel last minute when it came to movie marathons with you.

“That’s how we see him, but he’s only one grade below us, remember that as well.”

“You see this shirt?! It’s boyfriend material!” He randomly blurted out at you when you opened your apartment door to the four boys joining you and your roommate for the Mexican telenovela marathon (as part of your plan to watch a ton of different genres from around the world) before shoving past you and curling up in a ball on the couch, neck beet red.

“Don’t mind him, Y/n-ah… he’s still in the stage where he thinks girls have cooties.” Jimin smiled broadly, patting you on the back before making a b-line to our kitchen pantry where he knew you had stored spicy ramen and cheese just for him.

“I found this one movie called Coco! It’s by Pixar and it’s bound to be great!” Hoseok shouted as he set the dvd down on the tv stand.

“Awww… I’m sorry, Hoseok-sshi, but that’s an American animation. Telenovelas are like noon k-dramas with better cinematography and a worse plot and they’re in spanish. Besides, we already have enough, but let’s save that for the animation’s of America, k?” Your roommate, Jae-eun, sang as she curled into the rocking chair with your only fluffy blanket.

“But I rented it!!!”

“Then we’ll just have to watch it tomorrow morning when we get breakfast, eh?” You asked, dragging a bean bag from your room and sitting down close to the tv.

“How can you sit so close to the tv, Y/n? It seriously makes no sense. I mean haven’t you ever heard of the wives tale that it’ll ruin your eyesight?” Jin scolded, rubbing your head roughly as you laughed.

“Eh. They call ‘em wives tales for that exact reason. They’re fake. Now… let’s see if Eduardo gets MARIA AND IF MARIA GETS WITH EDWARDO’S BROTHER-”

“What the hell are telenovelas!?”

“This is the first episode! I DON’T KNOW!”

You were late to bowling. You had promised to be there on time, but one thing lead to another and your lab partner for chemistry took an extra hour to complete the paper YOU WROTE MOST OF. You bumped into the front desk well aware that you most likely looked like a cracked out crazy person as you gasped for air as somehow wheezed out your shoe size. Before you knew it you were slowly walking over towards your friends when you noticed something, “Yeah! Our Jungkookie is too good to be competing against us!” “He really should join the bowling club!” “With this skill he could probably beat a good dad!” “If only he was this good with girls!”

“Just you wait!” Jungkook said, a splitting grin on his face, “Soon my skills will be better than Jimin’s butt!” He caroled as you got closer

“Jungkook-ah, no thing is better looking than Jimin’s butt.” You joked, winking at the boy as you sloughed on the seat and started to fix your hair.

“Then you clearly haven’t looked in the mirror lately!” He suddenly yelled, eyes bugging out of his head as he dropped to bowling ball onto his foot before howling in pain.

“A-are you ok?” You raced up to him, grabbing his shoulder and trying to look him straight in the eye, deciding to ignore the comment he made earlier as your soon-to-be, hopefully med student kickin in.

“I-I-I… yeah.”

“Maybe we should just have Y/n over every time we bowl with our Jungkookie! He can’t do squat around her!”

You were silently working in a cafe near you, computer battery at halfway just like your now lukewarm coffee when a large crash came from right in front of you. Your head shot up, heart racing, when your eyes landed on the one and only Jeon Jungkook, who every. single. time you’ve tried to talk to him or even are in the same general space as him he spits out some stitty pickup line before freezing up… it’s been an entire semester now, and halfway through you just tried to ignore him because while he might look like he was carved from stone by Michelangelo, he has no manners at all and you’ve never able to get more than two words in.

“See?!? I’ve scraped my knees falling for you!” He blurted out for the entire cafe to hear, eyes soft and face now a light shade of pink as he scrambled over to you and shrunk as much as he could into the chair in front of you.

“What the actual fuck? I know you’re socially awkward around me or something, but please don’t blurt that stuff out so randomly. It’s weird.” You cried, head falling loosely onto your laptop.

“I-I-I-I… sorry. I-I you’re ju-- just so pretty and cool wh-when my hyungs talk to you and… and I kinda got a cr-crush on you-- b-but it’s like… I’ve never talked to someone as cute as you and-- fuck what am I saying.” At this you lifted your head up slightly to look at him, eyes tired and mind slow from finals.

“What did you just say?”

“I-I have a c-crush on you?”

“Well shit! Why haven’t you asked me out yet?” You blurt out, straighten up and laughing quietly.

“I have tried to but… I’ve always chickened out. Wait-- would say yes if I did?”

“Of course! Have you looked in the mirror? Plus, from what I saw at the bowling alley, when you aren’t freezing up, you’re quite hilarious… plus I might have stalked your social medias after we first met.”

“Well then close your computer! This is our first date!”

If you liked this, check out my other work here!

Sooo... my second one is out! I hope to keep up this schedule for now! Wish me luck!

I want to say before anything else, that I have a writer’s account on another site so if you see these on Quotev by someone of the same name, that IS me. Anyone one else and no!

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5hfanfiction · 6 years ago

Text

I Wanna Know You

Summary: Camren story based on a few Hannah Montana songs.

–

Camila should’ve known to throw it out, but she never was able to bring herself to do so. In hindsight, it had been months since she had last touched it, she forgot it was even there. She’d given up in her pursuit of her best friend, Lauren Jauregui. seven months into Lauren’s relationship with Lucy Vives, she knew she should cease her silly little crush. The two were perfect together, there was no doubt in her mind they’d probably get married. Lauren would gush about Lucy to Camila all the time causing the brown eyed girl’s heart to break slowly and painfully. Nonetheless, she always listened with a smile and gave her support.

The two were packing Camila’s luggage for her two day trip to New York. Well, it was more like Lauren was packing Camila’s luggage while the younger girl was sprawled out on her bed, ranting about missing a mere two days of school for a college related reason.

“I’m going to miss two whole days of school! Two! I’m going to be so behind! Maybe I should just cancel this visit, I don’t even really want to go to NYU!” The young Cuban said exasperatedly.

“Camz, calm down.” The green eyed girl chuckled. “You’ll be fine, I’ll get all the notes for you and teach it to you when you get back. Plus, that’s bullshit. You’ve always wanted to go to NYU. Don’t cancel it.”

“What if I have to go to truancy court for missing my classes? Oh my-“ Camila realized, springing up from the bed.

“You’re won’t be truant. You have to miss like 400 classes to go to truancy court. You’re only missing six, and you haven’t even missed a class this year.” The raven haired girl reassured.

The younger girl pouted “It’ll mess up my perfect attendance!”

“Nobody cares about that, you dork.” Lauren teased.

“Stupid college visits.” The brown eyed girl mumbled into her pillow.

Lauren shook her head at her best friend’s antics, rummaging through Camila’s disorganized drawers in order to find some shirts.

“Hey, Camz where the fuck are all of your-“ She began before she stumbled upon a small shoe box in her drawer. “Okay, I know you’re messy as fuck but what is a shoe box doing in your drawer?”

Camila’s eyes widened, “Oh, um, I don’t know.” She chuckled nervously, trying to snatch it from her best friend’s hands.

The green eyed girl raised her eyebrows as she read “For Lauren” labeled on the box. She held the box out of the squirming other girl’s reach. “What’s this?” She asked.

“I-It’s dumb.” The brown haired girl stammered to think of a lie. “It’s just a box of pictures of us, you know, memories with my best friend kind of thing?”

“Ooh!” The raven haired girl answered, moving out of the way, causing the younger girl to lose her balance and nearly fall over. “I wanna see.” She plopped down on the bed and made a move to open the box.

Camila quickly recovered from, in her eyes, her 34000th near death experience and before Lauren could do anything else, she snatched it from her and shoved it back into her drawer.

“It’s um.” She nervously racked her brain to think of another lie. “It’s a surprise for your birthday!”

Lauren didn’t buy the lie one bit. “Camz, my birthday is six months away, never in your life have you ever gotten anyone a present that early and besides, I know when you’re lying.”

Before Camila could answer, Lauren’s phone rang, the sound of Lucy’s ringtone, Breaking Free from High School Musical, filled the room causing Lauren to break out in a smile. For the first time, Camila was glad to hear that ringtone.

Camila tuned out their conversation, distracting herself by deciding to continue packing. She figured she might as well go visit NYU since it’s too late now to cancel her flight and it was indeed her dream school. It also wasn’t a bad thing that she’d be away from Lauren and Lucy’s heavy make out sessions during lunch for two days.

“I forgot Luce and I had a date planned tonight, so I’ve gotta head out.” Lauren cooly explained, sticking her hands in her pockets. “I pretty much packed everything except your shirts, I don’t know how you ever find anything in those cluttered ass drawers of yours.”

“Alright, thanks Lo. I’ll see you tomorrow.” The brown eyed girl responded, rocking back and forth on her heels.

With that, Lauren left without another word. Camila didn’t bother to follow her out, her heart still racing after her best friend nearly found out the one secret she’s kept from her. She quickly shook her head and decided she should stash the box somewhere else, she still didn’t have the heart to throw it out.

Lauren on the other hand, didn’t believe that said box was for her birthday. Her best friend would never. The girl literally never knows what to get her, she’d always pester her about what she wanted for her birthday. Every year, Lauren would always say “Surprise me.” as a way to aggravate Camila. Did Camila finally decide to stop asking her? Lauren highly doubted it.

***

“Oh my God, Lo. The campus is so beautiful. I love it there, the people, the campus, everything! I seriously can’t wait to get out of this shit hole of a school and go there!” Camila gushed.

Lauren put her pencil down and listened with a smile. “Haven’t you visited like two times before?”

“Yeah,” The brunette admitted, “But I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of it. Every time I go, I fall in love with it even more.”

The green eyed girl let out a chuckle, “Don’t worry, that’s how I am when I visit New Orleans.” The girl paused, “Hey, uhh I think I left my jacket up in your room before you left. Tell you what, you finish up this problem while I go get it, okay?” She asked while pointing to a problem in the Calculus book they were currently doing. Lauren was in the midst of teaching Camila the lesson she missed from class.

“Fuck calculus.” The brown eyed girl grumbled before getting back to work.

For the past five days, the mysterious box had been on Lauren’s mind. She wondered what it could possibly be that would cause her best friend to hide it from her, was it her sex toys? The thought of that disappeared from her mind as quickly as it came, it wouldn’t be labeled ‘For Lauren’ if it were. That would be creepy. Was it her stash of weed? No way, Camila has never done drugs… or did she? Could that be why she hid it from her? Does she have a drug problem? Her best friend had been acting a little wild lately… then again that’s just how Camila is. She made a mental note to hold an intervention if it truly was her drug stash.

As soon as Lauren entered Camila’s room, she went straight for the drawer in search of the mystery box. She scoured through every nook and cranny of the drawer but to no avail. She fucking hid it somewhere else Lauren breathed out. She searched underneath her bed, in her desk, and in her bookshelf always coming out empty handed.

“Lo, what’re you doing?” Camila questioned causing Lauren to jump.

“Guess I didn’t forget my jacket after all!” The raven haired girl nervously chuckled. “Oh, mind if I borrow this book?” She asked, pointing to a random book.

“You’ve read Milk & Honey like four times.” The brunette reminded.

“I just love it so much.” Lauren reasoned.

The other girl relented, “I guess.”

“Great! Thanks, Camz! “Did you finish the problem?” The green eyed girl inquired, effectively changing the subject.

The two girls began walking back down to the living room, “I wrote down the problem but I didn’t know what to do after that.”

“Of course you did.” Lauren laughed.

***

It’d been a little over a month since their study session. The duo were two weeks away from finishing their last week of their first semester of their senior year of high school. Lauren had forgotten all about the box, much to Camila’s relief. The two were celebrating winter break a little early by having a sleepover, a tradition they had for the last eight years. The tradition normally fell on the weekend before winter break, but the green eyed girl had plans with Lucy, so they worked around it. Lauren was going through Camila’s closet looking for clothes to wear for their “fashion show,” another part of their tradition. Were they too old to do fashion shows? Probably, but that never stopped them. However, Camila’s closet was a mess. It was like a tornado ripped right through it, it was impossible to find anything. Lauren spied a few items she might be able to use for their show when some clothes on the floor shoved into the corner caught her eye. She picked out a jean jacket, a black skirt, and some high waisted jeans that would suffice when she stumbled upon the box. She peaked over her shoulder to make sure Camila was still preoccupied before tucking it under some of the clothes in her arms.

Camila crashed after their “fashion show” and about halfway through the movie the two were watching. Lauren on the other hand, was wide awake. Throughout the entire night, she was dying to know what was inside of the box her best friend made such an effort to hide. She cautiously slipped out of the bed she was sharing with the doe eyed girl before heading off to the bathroom where she kept the box.

As soon as she got to the bathroom, she eagerly opened the box. Inside, she found neatly folded pieces of paper taped to a CD. There were also wilted rose petals in a tiny bottle, a woven bracelet that oddly looked familiar, some arcade tickets, movie tickets, and photos of the two.

She carefully removed the pieces of paper taped to the CD and slowly unfolded it. She quickly noticed Camila’s messy handwriting filled the entire thing.

If you’re reading this, I guess I finally grew some balls, huh? Lauren, I want you to know how much you mean to me. I’m so lucky to have met you, there’s never a dull moment with you. We could literally be doing our homework together and I would be having a blast. It may be silly, but I put together a CD with a few Hannah Montana songs that remind me of you. I mean, we met in third grade through our mutual love for the queen that is Miley Cyrus / Hannah Montana so I figured why not. I realize I probably could’ve just made you a playlist instead, but this way felt more special. If you haven’t thrown away this paper by now, please listen to each song in order and read the description that goes along with it, I explain some lyrics of the song that really stick out to me.

Lauren prayed Camila was still sound asleep as she snuck back into her room to grab the girl’s laptop. Because the room was pitch black, Lauren hit her side on the edge of Camila’s bed frame. She felt as if she had just been shot but bit her lip to suppress the curse that she badly wanted to scream. Holding her side, she took her laptop, rummaged through her bag to find her headphones, and retreated back to the bathroom.

The first song is I Wanna Know You. Lauren inserted the disc, plugged in her headphones, and began to read further.

When I saw you over there with Jeff Clements in the third grade, I didn’t mean to stare. I wanted to know you. You’re the kind of person that’s not afraid to say what’s on your mind. You speak so passionately about things and you have such a way with words, it blows me away. I could listen to you speak about anything for hours. However, you also listen to me when I have something to say. I can’t thank you enough for how you stay up with me at god awful hours just to hear me rant about something as simple as pineapple on pizza (I can already picture you rolling your eyes but it does in fact belong on pizza). Thank you for listening to me on all my relationship troubles, my family troubles, and just being there.

There’s a mark above your eye you got in July. fighting for your sister’s reputation. I admire the lengths you go for your family. Despite being so much smaller and two grades younger than him, you stood up to Zach Lewis because he made fun of Taylor. I know that you’d do the same for me in a heart beat and I love that about you.

You remember people’s names and Valentines are lame so I bring you flowers just for no occasion. I’ve always hated Valentine’s day, nobody knows that except you. The rose in the box is one of the many roses you’ve given me.The first time you gave me a rose was in third grade. You originally planned to give the rose to Brad Simpson, but instead, you gave it to me. I didn’t even know you that well, but you saw how upset I was that Austin Mahone gave Sydney a Valentine but not me. You said that I was your Valentine, and you’ve said that every year for the past eight years and it makes me hate Valentine’s day less and less. My past boyfriends would go all out for Valentine’s day and get me mountains of chocolate or bears as big as I am, but none of them have ever made me as happy as the single rose you get me every single year. Lauren paused to examine the dead rose in the bottle. She never realized that a simple rose would make such an impact on her best friend.

You smile, never shout. You know I hate being yelled at. Not once in the years that you’ve known me have you raised your voice at me. You stand out in a crowd.You’re always the one everyone notices. You’re always the one that I notice. Your bright green eyes differentiate you from the all the others. I can tell how you’re feeling just by your eyes. You make the best of every situation. I don’t know how you do it, I don’t know how you can be so optimistic about everything. I wish I had that trait. I remember the time that we wanted to go to the waterpark but neither of us wanted to bike there so being the genius that you are, you turned on the sprinklers in your backyard and had us run through it, screaming like idiots.

Correct me if I’m wrong, You’re fragile and you’re strong. A beautiful and perfect combination. It’s contradictory, but it’s so true. You’re fragile, you’re vulnerable, but you’re also strong. You’re so fucking strong.

I wanna go there where you go. I wanna go on more late night adventures with you. I wanna go on spontaneous road trips with you. I wanna find out what you know and maybe someday down the road sit back and say to myself ‘I like how you are with me.’ Maybe that someday is today. Today I’ve been reflecting on everything we’ve done together. You’re the best friend anyone could ask for. You treat me like no one else does, sure we’re sarcastic assholes towards each other but you just get me. You know me on levels no one has ever dared to venture. Thank you.

The next song is True Friend.

We sign our cards and letters BFF. You’ve got a million ways to make me laugh. It could be as simple as making a funny face or something as complicated as our countless inside jokes. Thank you. Your mom always says that laughter makes you live longer so thank you for making me laugh so much I’ve probably added a million years to my life. And I’m hoping that we’ll have a million more laughs in the future.

You’re looking out for me; you’ve got my back it’s so good to have you around. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you when you told me that Michael was no good. You were just looking out for me and you always have. Had I listened to you, I would’ve saved myself a heartbreak. I promise to listen to you more often.

You know the secrets I could never tell. You’re the only one that knows that I’m bisexual. It felt so liberating saying it out loud for the first time. Thank you for keeping this secret for me. Thank you for not judging me. You knew something was up with me, but you never pushed me to tell you. I’d freeze up and lose all ability to speak yet you never pressured me.

And when I’m quiet you break through my shell.I was quiet before I met you. My parents were worried that I wouldn’t make friends because I was so introverted. We were supposed to tell the class our favorite song and we both said a song by Hannah Montana I noticed the way you smiled at me but I looked away. At recess, you approached me and started talking to me about Hannah. I was shy and my responses were short, yet by the end of the day you couldn’t get me to shut up. It was then that I knew that we’d easily be good friends.

You’re a true friend, you’re here till the end. I’ve had a lot of friends come and go. You’re the only constant in my life. I hope by the end of this you will still stick around. I can’t imagine my life without you.

You pull me aside when something ain’t right. You always know when I’m not feeling great. You know in an instant when something is off with me and you know exactly the things to say to make me feel better. Talk with me now and into the night till it’s alright again. You never give up on me. You always find out the root of my problems no matter how late it is. You’d stay up at 3 am with me to try and get to the bottom of it. You’re probably sick of me thanking you by now, but I can’t stress it enough, thank you. You’re a true friend.

You don’t get angry when I change the plans. You know that I’m literally the most indecisive person in the world. I still remember the day you really wanted to go to the zoo but instead I changed the plans to go to the arcade at the very last minute. Inside are the tickets you won for me because I was so set on getting the panda stuffed animal. We didn’t even get close to the amount we needed, mostly because you wasted so many of our tokens on one of those rigged claw machines, but it was the thought that counted. We also didn’t get nearly enough because you suck at skeeball. You’d always aim for the 10,000 point slot but not once did you even make it. I think you got a high score of 9,000 only to be rewarded with five tickets but I got a good laugh out of it so it made it all worth it. You made it all worth it.

Somehow you’re never out of second chances. You always see the good in people. I’ve fucked up so many times in our friendship and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for pushing you away when my parents got divorced. I’m sorry for blowing up at you when Kyle dumped me. I’m sorry for saying horrible things to you when you don’t deserve it. Yet you always forgive me and take yet another chance on me. I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you.

True friends will goto the end of the earth till they find the things you need. That’s exactly what you do now and again. I will never forget the time that you scoured half of Miami just to find a store that sold the magazine Harry Styles was on the cover of just for me. What did I do to deserve someone like you?

Friends hang on through the ups and the downs cause they’ve got someone to believe in. Even when I try to push you away you’re stuck on me like glue. You believe in me when nobody else does and I admire you for that. Thank you so much, Lo.

The next song is Make Some Noise

There’s nothing wrong with just being yourself, that’s more than enough. I remember the day you had come out to me as if it were just yesterday. I could tell that something had been bothering you for days, but I knew better than to pester you about it. I knew that you’d tell me whatever it is that was on your mind. And when you did, you were finally able to be your true self and I was so happy for you.

So come on and raise your voice. Speak your mind and make some noise. God, I love it when you speak your mind. You have such an intelligent mind. Whenever you’re speaking about politics, you’re so passionate about it and that’s one of the things I love about you. Heck, you could even read the ingredients of an ointment and I’d still be in awe.

You want to be known, you want to be heard. You’re going to change the world and I just know it. I mean, you’re the captain of the debate team, our student body president, and an activist for women’s rights. You’re going to do big things and I wanna be by your side through it all.

And know you are beautiful, you have so much to give. You are so so beautiful. I can never understand how you could just wake up and you’re still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. Compared to me, who looks like a fricken zombie in the morning.

You have a diamond inside of your heart. Your heart is none like I’ve ever seen before. Your heart is so god damn big, I’m hoping that you want to share some of your heart with me.

A light that shines bright as the stars. You light up any room that you’re in. I also love that about you. You’ve got this personality that just draws people in. And your confidence? It’s through the roof. I wish I had half as much confidence as you. But thanks to you, I’ve got more confidence in my self than I did before I met you.

There’s no one else who can stand in your place so come on it’s never too late. There’s no one else that I have my eyes on. There’s no one that could captivate me as much as you captivate me. There’s no one that I can picture spending the rest of my life with. I’ve been beating around the bush for the past 10 years, so I’m taking this giant leap and I hope you’ll be there to catch me.

The next song is One In A Million

Somehow I knew that there was more than just chemistry I mean I knew you were kinda into me. In the seventh grade, we were sitting in my room watching some show on the TV when you all of a sudden suggested that we kissed each other to be each other’s first kiss. “I wanna lose it to someone special, and you’re special to me.” You said. I didn’t need much more convincing after that. We “kissed” each other. The quotations are quite necessary since we ended up bumping heads at first. Then, we bumped teeth because you had went for it a little to harsh. Then we kinda just pecked each other and then after that you basically had your entire mouth over mine. You said “This is how they do it in the movies.” I didn’t question it.

But I figured it’s too good to be true. The next day you kissed Ryan Taylor at recess. I told you that I had gotten a bad grade on a test, but seeing you with him made me mad for some reason.

I said pinch me where’s the catch this time. In our sophomore year, you held my hand in the hallway.on an October afternoon. I thought it was because you were beginning to have feelings for me.

Help me before i get used to this guy. Obviously girl in this case. You held my hand through the hallway for the rest of the week and I remember thinking “I could get used to this.” The catch was that you were only trying to make Rebecca jealous. But I forgive you for it. I’ll always forgive you

You’re making me laugh about the silliest stuff. Your impressions always get me. Especially the one about that crazy lady from the only accident you’ve been in. We laugh about tiny little things that other people probably think we’re outrageous for. Find the picture of us at our Junior Year prom. Lauren did as instructed and examined the pictures. The first of which being a normal picture of the two of them smiling at the camera, the second one being of only the backdrop. The third picture was a picture of Lauren making a goofy face at the camera wearing a giant sombrero and holding up a big ole’ mustache on a stick under her nose and Camila was pictured next to Lauren rocking humungous crooked yellow shades and a neon pink boa wrapped around her neck. However, Camila had a look on her face as if she was about to sneeze. Moments after the picture was taken, Camila let out a giant sneeze, claiming the feathers from the boa were up her nose. And finally, the fourth picture was them breaking out in laughter. Lauren had one hand on Camila’s shoulder, the other held her stomach while her head was thrown back in laughter. Camila was doubled over, hands on both of her knees, and hair looking like a bird’s nest.

Say that I’m your diamond in the rough. To anyone else, I probably look like a geek. But to you, you say I’m your pink princess.

When I’m mad at you, you come with your velvet touch. When I’m mad, you don’t even need to say anything. You just sit there across from me, gently rubbing patterns on my leg. I can never stay mad at you for long.

Can’t believe that I’m so lucky. I can’t believe that I’m so lucky to have the pleasure of being your friend, Lauren Jauregui. In sixth grade, we made matching friendship bracelets out of string. That’s what the bracelet is, if you were wondering. We had worn them everyday until one day in eight grade, I noticed that you weren’t wearing it. You were so afraid to tell me that you had lost it, but when you did, I told you that it was okay. I told you that we could share mine and we did. For the rest of eight grade you’d get to wear it one day, then I’d wear it the next. It was like our thing. In the summer of eight grade, the finally worn down bracelet was seeing its final days and it finally broke. I took it home that night and tried to fix it but my dog chewed it up even more and I eventually misplaced it. I found it behind my dresser the other day and all the memories with this bracelet came rushing back.

I have never felt so happy every time I see that sparkle in your eye. It makes me happy knowing that you have this look just for me. You and your big green orbs look at me differently than from how you look at everyone else. I’m hoping it’s the same reason that I look at you differently too.

They say that good things take time, but really great things happen in a blink of an eye. Our friendship has gotten stronger and stronger everyday for the past 10 years. It’s a really good thing for me. You’re really good for me. I’m hoping that the next time I blink, something will have changed for the better.

All this time I was looking for love, trying to make things work. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I tried to find it in Austin, in Ricky, in Shawn, in Michael. I tried to make them all work, I really truly tried. But love had already found me and I’m hoping that it found you too.

They weren’t good enough till I thought I’m through, said I’m done and stumbled into the arms of the one. Every single time each of these boys broke my heart. you were there to pick up the pieces. You were the only one there for me. You would be my shoulder to cry on. You just held me and let me cry it out, never once telling me “I told you so” when you tried to warn me about all of them. I was trying to force myself to love them because you were happy with somebody else. But being in your arms at the end of the day, made all the heartbreak worth it.

You’re one in a million. I can’t live my life wondering “what could have been” so incase you haven’t caught on by now, I love you, Lauren. You’re the person I believe is my soulmate. I’ve been hiding this from you for years and it finally feels good to get it off my chest. So, will you be my girlfriend, Lo?

Lauren couldn’t take it anymore. She needed to leave. The raven haired girl folded up the paper haphazardly, put the contents back into the books, yanked hear headphones out of her ears and shut the laptop. It was when she stood up that she noticed the brown eyed girl with tears in her eyes. Lauren didn’t say anything to her, instead, she just squeezed past her, gathered her things, and left without a single word.

Camila: Let me explain

Camila: Please

Camila: I’m begging you

Camila: Lauren

Camila: Talk to me

Lauren: I just need some space.

Camila didn’t hear from who was supposed to be her best friend the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that. It went on for about a week. Lauren didn’t even show up to the classes she shared with Camila. If she did come, the green eyed girl would sit as far away from Camila as possible and have her headphones in. Either that, or Dinah would swoop in and stop her. Camila no longer sat at her usual lunch table anymore. Instead, she’d eat lunch in the bathroom or sometimes, she’d even skip lunch and stay in the library. She was sick of it, she tried texting, she tried calling, she even tried showing up at the girl’s house and every time, she’d be hit with no response. Lucy came by with a box of Camila’s stuff that she had at Lauren’s house. The fact that Lauren didn’t bring it herself made Camila’s heart ache. She just wanted a chance to explain herself to Lauren. Lucy seemed pissed at Camila too. Lauren must’ve told her, I mean why wouldn’t she, she’s Lauren’s girlfriend.

“Lucy, let me explai-“ Camila started.

“I’ll be back tomorrow at 3 to pick up Lauren’s stuff.” Lucy interrupted and left without another sound.

It took everything in Camila to pack away all of Lauren’s stuff. With every item she put into the box, her heart broke even more. By the time she did, she felt so drained and didn’t even recognize her room anymore. She felt like a stranger in her own home. When Lucy showed up at her door, took the box, and left without a word, whatever was left of Camila’s heart shattered.

Embarrassed, angry, confused, and most of all, depressed, Camila silently cried herself to sleep, much like she did for the past two weeks. She didn’t understand how her body hadn’t run out of tears yet.

Winter break was over and Lauren was finally ready to talk. However, when she went to Camila’s locker she was nowhere to be found. She had even asked Normani for Camila’s schedule but it turned out that Normani hadn’t heard from the girl either. She figured that the brown eyed girl was probably just running late, like she always did and decided to wait. When the late bell rang and the petite girl was still nowhere to be found, she gave up and decided to head to class. She’d try again later she thought to herself. A few days passed and there was still no sign of her so called best friend.

Tired of waiting around, Lauren decided to head to Camila’s house after school in hopes of being able to talk to said girl. It felt weird to Lauren having to ring the doorbell of her basically second home. In the box of Camila’s things, she returned the spare key to the brunette’s house. After awkwardly standing on the porch for what felt like an eternity to the raven haired girl, the door finally opened.

“Lauren?” A familiar voice asked.

“Hi, Mrs. Cabello. Is Camila there?” It felt so wrong to say Mrs. Cabello to Lauren. Normally, she’d refer to her as “Sinu” or “mom” but Lauren didn’t know what their relationship was anymore. She didn’t know if Camila had told her all about their falling out or anything. She didn’t know what boundaries she could cross anymore. It was all so weird to her.

Mrs. Cabello seemed a bit confused for a minute. “When have you ever called me Mrs. Cabello? And mija didn’t tell you? She decided to finish up school online and is now living in New York for the time being with her tio and tia.

Lauren was shocked, “Thank you, Sinu. Would you mind telling her hi for me? Please?”

“She told me that you were doing the same as she was except you’d be in New Orleans, that’s the whole reason why Alejandro and I let her go up there!” The older woman replied.

So Camila didn’t tell her mom about us? Lauren thought. “Oh right, um, yeah, my flight is tomorrow!” She lied. “It was good seeing you, Sinu. Thanks again.”

Lauren was baffled during the walk back to her car. Camila must think she hates her that much that she moved to a whole different state. The green eyed girl couldn’t help but feel bad. She had been the one that ripped her best friend’s heart out of her chest yet she didn’t tell her parents about it? Had she kept this all to herself the entire time? Lauren felt like absolute shit. Although she never got a response, she decided to try to text Camila again.

Lauren: I don’t hate you

Lauren: Please talk to me

Lauren: You’re in New York?

Camila: who is this

Camila: no i live in Miami

Lauren: don’t play this game, you know it’s me. Lauren.

Camila: Lauren who?

Lauren: hello??? your best friend? you don’t know any others named Lauren

Lauren: okay, I’m sorry that was a bit rude. Can we talk?

Camila: I don’t know a Lauren.

Lauren: Camila, please

Camila: I think you have the wrong number

Lauren: stop playing games and let me fucking talk to you!

Camila: my name is Emily and I’m blocking you now, asshole.

Lauren screamed in the privacy of her own car. She hit her fists against the steering wheel out of frustration. Camila even changed her phone number. Lauren truly felt like the worst friend in the world.

Camila was miserable. She’s in a new city where she doesn’t know anyone, doesn’t know where she’s going, and most of all, she doesn’t even know herself. All she knows is that nothing makes her happy anymore. Every little thing reminds her of Lauren and it’s driving her insane.

If We Were A Movie is playing on repeat in her mind.

If we were a movie, you’d be the right guy and I’d be the best friend you’d fall in love with. If this were a movie, Lauren would be hers and she’d be Lauren’s. But this isn’t a movie. This is real life. Sure her heart hurt after her breakups with her previous boyfriends, but if she combined all of her heartbreak together, it wouldn’t even come close to the pain she is experiencing now. Friends can break your heart too.

In the end we’d be laughing, watching the sunset fade to black, show the names, play that happy song. Instead, she’s watching the gloomy, cloudy New York sky. She keeps replaying the look of disgust that was written all over Lauren’s face the night she read her letter, and sad songs are all that she can stand to listen to.

When you call me, I can hear it in your voice. “Oh sure! Wanna see me and tell me all about her!” Two months had passed and Camila’s ever so slowly learning to live again. The brunette reconnected with Normani and one night she’s actually hanging out with Lauren at a party. Camila had been FaceTiming Normani and telling her about how she got a job as a music therapist for children when a very drunk Lauren Jauregui snatched the phone out of Normani’s hand.

“Camz? Why’d jew chaynge yer noomber? Do yew haaate me that much?” She slurred. “I meess you.”

Camila stayed frozen, not knowing what to say, growing more and more uncomfortable by the minute. It’s crazy to think that she used to feel so at ease and safe when in the company of Lauren but now she feels lost and tense.

“Where’s my gurlfrend Loose-e?” The drunk girl wondered. “Is our one yeer anchovy today. We’re going tew have nice sex!” Lauren shoved the phone back into Normani’s hands and went to go in search for her girlfriend.

I’ll be acting through my tears I guess you’ll never know that I should win an Oscar for this scene I’m in. Camila willed the tears away as she continued her talk with Normani. She acted as though Lauren had never even made a guest appearance. But as soon as the call ended, the girl broke down in tears and all of her progress was lost. It seemed to her that Lauren was doing just fine without her, meanwhile she was still a mess.

Wish I could tell you there’s a twist, some kind of hero in disguise and we’re together. It’s for real. Camila wished that this was one sick nightmare. That her and Lauren were still best of friends finishing their last year of high school together and Lucy wasn’t in the picture. She wished that Lauren had never found the box that ruined everything. She wished that she was happy again.

Wish I could tell you there’s a kiss like something more than in my mind, I see it, could be amazing. Camila pictured kissing Lauren for ages. Like an actual kiss, not like the one from seventh grade. It was amazing in her dream, but when she woke up, reality smacked her in the face. That would never happen in a million years. She sighed and began her day.

Fast forward four months later and it’s Lauren’s birthday. Camila knew that she shouldn’t be thinking of the girl that completely ruined her but she couldn’t help herself. She had spent every birthday with the girl for ten years. This would be the first without her.

I Miss You

You used to call me your angel, said I was sent straight down from heaven. You’d hold me close in your arms. Lauren had always wanting to go and do rebellious things. Camila was always the voice of reason. Which is why Lauren had always called her her angel. It’d been 6 months since she last felt Lauren’s touch and she craved it so bad. She almost gave in multiple times, being one second from buying a plane ticket to go back home. Not to her home home, home as in Lauren’s arms.

I loved the way you felt so strong, I never wanted you to leave. I wanted you to stay here holding me. Every time Lauren held Camila she felt safe. As if her strong arms could shield her from the rest of the world. The brunette felt safest there. But now she doesn’t know if that would still be the case.

I miss you. I miss your smile and I still shed a tear every once in a while. Camila had been doing a lot better. She was moving forward with her life. She had a great job that she loved, she would be going to her dream school in the fall, she started to make small steps towards opening herself up again. She hadn’t cried over Lauren in a groundbreaking two weeks.

Even though it’s different now, you’re still here somehow. Camila could see Lauren in most everything she did. She’d see a guy air drumming on the Subway and automatically thought about how that’s a Lauren thing to do. She’d be helping a kid in her music therapy session that had piercing green eyes that would light up whenever Camila played the guitar and all she could think about was Lauren.

My heart won’t let you go and I need you to know I miss you. Camila knew that she should get over Lauren. They were never even together but she can’t seem to get over it. Her brain knew that this wasn’t healthy and she was stuck in a toxic little cycle, but her heart was too attached. It seemed that her heart was much more powerful than her rational thinking.

You used to call me your dreamer and now I’m living out my dream. Camila got to play guitar for beautiful children in a beautiful city. She got to go to her dream college and be on her way to earn her dream degree.

Oh how I wish you could see everything that’s happened to me. It’d been a year now. Camila got a raise and has been a slightest bit happier than she was months ago. She opened herself up enough to make friends in her dorm and in the classroom. Her closest friend being Hailee Steinfeld.

I’m thinking back on the past and it’s true that time is flying by too fast.

She can finally function now. Her thoughts about Lauren have diminished to a few thoughts per day. She no longer sees Lauren in everything. She’s not quite the same as BCE (Before Camren Ended), but she’s on track to get there. Eventually.

I know you’re where you need to be even though it’s not here with me. Camila has accepted that her and Lauren weren’t meant to be together. She’s given herself closure. She’s stronger now, and because of that, she decides to shoot Lauren a text.

Camila: Hey, it’s Camila.

Mixed Up

How come everything turns out leaving me with more doubts. The two of them catch up. It’s surface level conversation, but it’s better than the radio silence they’d been faced with for the past year. Camila is already doubting if this was the right decision to do or if she should’ve allowed herself more time to heal.

I feel like I’m upside down and I don’t wanna be here. With each text, she can feel herself slipping back into her old ways. She doesn’t want to go back to how she felt pining after the girl that was so unattainable. So, she takes her time responding, waiting half an hour or more to reply, busying herself with school or any other possible form of distraction. It’s petty, she knows, but it feels like her only defense mechanism.

I go right, should have gone left and I say things I should not have said. Camila slipped up. Big time. They’re talking about their dorm room beds and how uncomfortable they are and Camila accidentally forgets about their boundaries and she slips back into how they used to act as best friends and said “It would be a lot more comfortable if I was in it and we cuddled, you know I’m soooo comfy.” As soon as she sent it, she instantly regretted it.

Look at me in this big mess, I don’t wanna be here. Lauren doesn’t respond for a few days after that. Maybe it was for the best Camila thought. She had already lost Lauren in the worst way possible, she didn’t mind losing her again. She’d become numb to it all.

Oh, it used to be easy, all I had to be was me, now I’m mixed up. Conversation with Lauren used to be so effortless. Camila used to be unapologetically herself with Lauren, but now she finds herself being someone she wasn’t. She finds herself embellishing on her experiences.

Tell me how to fix this, I’d trade my world for one wish to go back to my other life. Camila and Lauren hated this. This was nothing like it used to be. Lauren was dry and short with her. She was texting differently and she didn’t seem into it. The same could be said for Camila too.

Oh, I hope that I’m dreaming ‘cause I’m sick of this feeling. Both girls missed her best friend. It had been almost two years since they had last seen each other face to face.

Tell me everything’s gonna be okay cause today it feels like I won’t make it through the darkness. Lauren told Camila that her and Lucy had broken up. Lauren told her that their relationship had grown toxic. She had said that she just wasn’t happy anymore and was only together with her because it felt normal, that she’s all she knew. They’d experienced so much together. Lauren and Lucy were childhood friends that disconnected for a few years but found their way back to each other and fell in love. They’d gone to the same college to be with each other, eventually getting an apartment together, and even were studying the same degree as each other. But when Lauren came home to find Lucy in bed with a girl she vaguely remembered from one of her classes, she felt like her whole world had shattered. Camila said “Everything’s gonna be okay” but she didn’t know whether or not she was saying it to herself or for Lauren.

Don’t know how to get out of this, I’m so mixed up. Somebody help me. Lauren couch surfed for the remaining of the semester. She occasionally stayed in a motel when the weather started to drop and it was too cold to live in her car anymore. At the end of the semester, she decided to transfer to University of Central Florida. She had started to send Camila riskier text messages, opening herself back up to her ex-bestfriend once again. Camila felt conflicted. She wanted to be there for Lauren in this dark time in her life, however she didn’t want to throw away all her progress. She knew that once she saw Lauren again she’d fall for her again.

Don’t Wanna Be Torn

Maybe it’s the things I say. Maybe I should think before I speak. Camila tried to cheer Lauren up. Key word is tried. They slowly fell back into the way things were BCE. The brown eyed girl wouldn’t sit there and rewrite her text 32 times. Instead, she sent things on impulse. She would say things and somehow they’d always end up relating back to Lucy.

But I thought that I knew enough to know myself and do what’s right for me. Camila quickly caught herself though. She had found herself throwing away all of her progress. Things were different now and Lucy is no longer in the picture, so maybe they’d have a shot. Lauren had been sending suggestive text messages lately and it put a skip in Camila’s heart and it gave her hope. However, she heard through a friend that Lauren had been hooking up with girls from parties and from the bar and her heart sank once more. That was the final nail in the coffin. She concluded that her and Lauren just aren’t meant to be and decided enough is enough.

And these wall I’m building now, you used to bring ‘em down. And the tears I’m crying out, you used to wipe away. Camila drew back in the conversation. She replied with just enough to make sure Lauren doesn’t quite question her. Sometimes she didn’t even feel like talking to Lauren which was strange because ever since she met Lauren, she had always wanted to talk to her.

Don’t wanna be torn. Camila was in a rut. She didn’t want to throw away her twelve year friendship with the green eyed girl, but she knew that if she kept on talking to her, she’d fall back into her toxic pining after the girl. Lauren has trampled over her heart a dozen times and she’s not quite sure if she can handle one more. So she did what she felt like she had to do.

I thought you said it was easy listening to your heart. I thought you said I’d be okay. So why am I breaking apart?

Although it took everything in her, Camila told her ex-bestfriend that she needed time apart. This time, she knew she didn’t have anything to lose, so she told her about how she needed to get over her and how she didn’t know how long it would be until they will speak again. Camila respectfully asked her not to call or text her. And just like that, they were two strangers again.

Now it all feels like a fight. You were always on my side. Lauren didn’t listen. She kept on trying to text the other girl, and she even called her maybe 100 times. Camila saw it. She cried with each voicemail that she listened to. Her heart couldn’t handle it. She blocked Lauren’s number and blocked her on every social media site. She told Sinu, who was already informed about their previous situation, to not let Lauren get ahold of her. She explained everything that has happened since to her mother over the phone. She relived every emotion she felt and was especially drained afterwards. It was one of the only nights that she didn’t cry herself to sleep only because she was too tired to.

And the lonely I feel now. You used to make it go away. Camila had never felt this lonely. Even on their previous two year time away from each other, it never felt like this. Now, she seeked comfort in her new best friend, Hailee. Hailee was well aware of the history between Lauren and Camila.

Why does all this make me angry? I wanna go back to being happy. The thought of Lauren used to make Camila ecstatic, however now it just brought every emotion besides joy. It’d been a few weeks since she painfully ended their friendship and she was slowly picking up the pieces. Her recovery had come much quicker than before because she had learned how to function without the girl. She was still pretty detached from the world, but she was getting there. Her best friend had become a major factor in getting her feet back on the ground again.

I’ll Always Remember You

I always knew this day would come. We’d be standing one by one with our future in our hands. Camila had graduated college. She got her degree and decided to go back to Miami for the summer. She hadn’t really been back except for the holidays. Standing in line at the Starbucks in the Miami airport, she couldn’t help but reminisce in the memories that she had in this city. The thought of Lauren no longer made her angry. She finally found peace in the fact that she was once part of her life and played a crucial role in who she is today.

“Camila?” a familiar voice called out from behind her.

Although it had been over two years since she last heard that voice, the petite brunette could recognize it from anywhere. It belonged to the girl that used to flood her mind. She turned around, and her suspicions were correct. The previously raven-haired girl had dyed her hair back to her natural brown color and had a few more tattoos covering her body. She took notice in how her much her features have changed since she had last seen her. Her face was more defined and more mature. She had exchanged the stud in her nose to a hoop.

“Lauren? Wow, it’s so good to see you!” Camila honestly said, moving from her spot in line to give the other girl a hug.

The now brown haired girl hugged back and asked “What are you doing here?” when she pulled back.

“I just graduated and am back here for the summer!” The brown eyed girl replied. “What about you?”

“I graduated last semester but I just came back from a volunteer trip in Puerto Rico.” Lauren informed her.

“That’s so amazing!” Camila replied, her heart no longer melting at the fact that Lauren had been volunteering in another country. “I’d love to catch up with you, do you wanna sit down and have coffee?”

For a moment it looked as if Lauren contemplated the offer but ended up agreeing. The two sat by the coffee shop catching up on their lives during the past two years. Camila told her ex-bestfriend about how she just got her bachelor’s degree in music therapy while Lauren told her about how she earned her bachelor’s in political science with a minor in English.

I always knew after all these years there’d be laughter, there’d be tears. The two brought back some of their inside jokes and although it had been over four years since they last saw each other and two since they had last talked, it was almost like no time had passed and they were still two kids in high school trying to make it through their senior year. It was all fun and games but the conversation shifted into a more serious note.

Camila revealed that she was finally over Lauren and had been in a relationship for the past year. It caught Lauren a little off guard. The girl hadn’t dated anyone in the past two years and was still dealing with her feelings for the girl in front of her. Camila proposed that they could mend their friendship and go back to how things were (that is, without the romantic feelings for the green eyed girl).

But never thought that I’d walk away with so much joy but so much pain. However, Lauren wasn’t ready for that. She told her that needed time to heal. Camila understood. Lauren had given her space when she needed it, so she would do the same. It pained her to have to walk away yet again, but it was for the best.

And it’s so hard to say goodbye. But yesterday’s gone. We gotta keep moving on. When the duo had finished their coffee, they decided to chat while going to claim their baggages. The two took a picture together and hugged goodbye, wishing each other well and good luck in their future. Both Lauren and Camila were content. They were two grown women who no longer needed to run from their problems. They talked it out and got closure the two never knew they needed.

I’m so thankful for the moments, so glad I got to know you. The times that we had I’ll keep like a photograph and hold you in my heart forever. I’ll always remember you. When Camila got home, she printed off the picture that the two of them had taken at the airport and placed it in the box that had started it all. She threw away the letter that she had written to Lauren but looked back on all of the souvenirs she had gotten along the way. She added to the pile her flight ticket. This was just another stepping stone to the two’s journey. Smiling, she shut the box and tucked it away in the top corner of her closet. She knew that Lauren was her soulmate, not a romantic one, but her friend soulmate. So, she knew that their paths will cross again and hopefully next time both of them will be ready and they can become the best of friends again.

—

A/N: I’m sorry if this is shit lol it’s been sitting in my drafts for like months now and I just now decided to finish it. Please leave me feedback or something?

You can find this oneshot on wattpad here

#UPDATE #one shot #AU #slash #camren #based on song #angst drama #humour #submission #I Wanna Know You

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samerystargaryen · 6 years ago

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IMMA BUY YOU A DRANK || DAM

TAGGING: @acupdaniharper & @samerystargaryen

DATE: Thursday, June 14th.

PLACE: Acup for BotB & The Library

NOTES: Even though Sam supported the Warblettes, Dani & Sam go out for drinks after battle of the bands.

Sam

Watching Dani up on stage with the rest of Pamela Lansbury at battle of the bands, Sam couldn't help but to cheer loudly. Her Warblette stan status was fully in check, she wouldn't make that mistake again, but a little enthusiasm for the girl she couldn't stop thinking about wasn't against the rules exactly. Their set had been amazing, like it always was, and Samantha made her way up closer to the stage. Beneath her blue and red warblette colored plaid was a homemade tee that read 'Go Dani' across the chest. It was her way to show support without upsetting the norm that she'd been working so hard to get back. "Woooo, go Dani!" Sam cheered loudly echoing her shirt with her arms up in the air as the band finished the final chords of True Colors.

Dani

Battle of the Bands was Dani’s favorite event. Even with the awkwardness that came with her ex at times, she still loved her band more than she could put into words. Add to that her getting to live her dream of performing music with some ridiculously talented people, and she was always over the moon. The ninth battle was a little different though, a little more special. Not only was it a battle themed towards pride month, but there was also a very special girl in attendance who Dani could hear over the crowd. Even though Sam had her allegiance somewhere else, Dani could definitely live with Sam cheering her on. When her set was over, she quickly packed up her guitar and then went out to go find the blonde. It didn’t take her long before she wrapped her arms around Sam’s waist from behind and got on her tippy toes to kiss her cheek. “Hey you!”

Sam

"Hey yourself!" Sam said loud enough to be heard over the crowd that'd shown up for the event. She smiled as she felt Dani's lips against her cheek, and while she didn't want Dani's arms to have to move from around her, she always wanted to be able to lay eyes on her. Coming up with the perfect compromise, Sam slid her hands down to meet Dani's and kept them around her as she turned to face her. "You my beautiful talented friend," Sam didn't know what exactly they were or what they would grow into, but for now she landed on friend to describe her that moment despite it not quite being right, "were so amazing up there." Sliding her hands up along Dani's arms until she was able to hook her arm behind Dani's neck, Sam leaned in to give her a quick kiss. "I'm talking really, really good."

Dani

Immediately Dani understood that Sam didn't want her arms to leave her, so she waited for the blonde to maneuver herself. As soon as they were facing each other, the singer gave the other woman a beaming smile. It made her so happy that even though Sam's friendships were on another band, she still made sure to cheer her on. The term friend didn't quite sound right to her ears, but for right then, it worked. They'd figure the logistics out later on. "What did I tell you about turning me into a tomato," she said before looking away for a moment to hide her blush. "But thank you," she said after tilting her head back up to reciprocate the kiss. "What are your plans after this? I know I have a private concert from you, but I don't think I'll want to let you go just yet."

Sam

"But I wanted to get to see it with my own eyes this time," she said with a teasing smile. In all honestly, she was surprised that Dani didn't hear the same type of comments so often that she was bored of them. That was just how talented Sam thought she was. "You're cute when you blush," she added in hopes of adding even the smallest bit more if she could. "You're looking at it. My plans were to bug you, but not so much that you'll want to cancel on me tomorrow." Sam played with the ends of Dani's hair as it brushed against her fingers. "Are you thirsty? Drinks are on me."

Dani

Dani playfully rolled her eyes at Sam's teasing, and she couldn't help but groan when another compliment was thrown her way. Instead of looking away to hide the blush, she buried her face in the other girl's neck. "You are the worst," she mumbled before pulling away but only slightly. She wanted to stay close to Sam. Dani was a very tactile person which she hoped would be something the soccer player was into. "I wouldn't cancel on you tomorrow because I kind of love seeing you," she answered with a shrug. "Drinks with you would be great. Do you have to say bye to anyone before we head out?"

Sam

Sam hugged Dani closer to her, enjoying the feeling of having her face pressed against her neck. She was definitely going to be giving out more compliments if that's how they were each taken. "Let's never let that change," Sammy said with a nod of her head. At the mention of saying bye to anyone, she glanced around and saw more than a few faces that she probably should, but since both Pamala Lansbury and the Wablettes had already played, she felt she could get away with a quick wave and a text to explain later. "I don't think they'll miss me too much." Sam slid her hands down from Dani's neck finally, and took one of her hands in her own. "Do you? Your band couldn't put on a surprise encore or something without you."

Dani

"I don't think it will," she whispered honestly. The more she got to know Sam the more she was wondering just how it was possible that someone could be so genuine and sweet. While some people could be thrown off by the dorkiness of the woman, Dani just found it all completely adorable, and even sexy. "I already said bye to them after the set since so many of us get caught up in a lot after sets. Plus, I live with Rach so I'll see her later," she added with a smile. She didn't want to mention that Kate and Ellie were most likely too caught up in each other. She didn't want to hurt Sam since she knew some of the history there. "Lead the way, baby."

Sam

"How lucky for me," she said honestly with a smile as she kept Dani's hand in hers and lead them through the crowd and outside into the fresh air. Sam loved Battle of the Bands every time it came around, but it was always nice to get away from all the people that packed in to see it as well. "You know, I like the sound of you calling me baby," she admitted as she looked over at her. "It sounds all sexy. You could probably make anything sound sexy though. It's that rock star quality that you have." Sammy lightly bumped her shoulder against Dani's as they started walking away from Acup. "Feel like walking?" The last time she'd suggested walking somewhere, it'd been with Sugar who thought she was crazy for it. Then again, it was Sugar who was used to having her drive there for her every need.

Dani

Dani followed Sam as she lead them through the crowd. It took them a minute because so many people packed into the cafe, but soon they were out smelling the unique NYC air. When she heard Sam comment on her pet name, Dani couldn't help but smile. "Yeah? Well, I really like calling you baby, so it looks like it's a keeper." To say that the singer wasn't used to someone complimenting her so much would be an understatement. Sam was spoiling her, and well, she didn't quite know what to do with it yet. "I don't know about anything," she laughed. "But thank you. I'm pretty sure that was a compliment." A nice walk sounded great. She didn't have to carry her guitar everywhere since she asked April if she could keep it at the cafe until her shift tomorrow, so she was down. "I'd love a walk with you. Let's go!"

Sam

Samantha smiled over at Dani knowing she'd get to hear it more often. It felt right to her, and she was glad it wasn't going anywhere. "It was for sure a compliment. I love your voice." Whether she was belting on songs on stage, or just talking about any random thing, she had the type of voice that was easy to listen to. If more teachers had a voice like that, students would get way better grades. They'd also end up with more crushes on teachers, but Sam was in the clear. "And you know, since I'm a goal keeper in soccer, you could say that I'm a keeper too," she announced proudly as they began to walk along the sidewalk. "Where should we get this drink of ours?"

Dani

"Are you always going to be this sweet? Like, if we end up together, are you still going to be well this amazing," she asked with a tilt of her head as they walked down the sidewalk. Dani smirked when Sam made the joke about being a keeper. "I don't know, Sammy. I think that's only applicable if you play Quidditch." While Dani didn't have as much as Sci-Fi or fantasy knowledge as Sam, she knew some things. Harry Potter for instance was something she loved when she was a kid. "We could go to The Library," she suggested with a shrug. It wasn't far, and well, they all went there.

Sam

"I'm still going to be just like this," she admitted as she looked over at Dani while they walked. Sam wasn't sure of all the details of Dani's dating past, outside of typical Acup gossip, but it was clear to her that someone had hurt her pretty badly along the way. She knew that no matter how they ended up, she was going to do her best to never add to that. "Except maybe with more kissing," she quickly amended. "And also with some sex." Sam was glad they were taking things slow since the more time they spent together, the more she could imagine a future together, but that didn't make it the easiest choice to stick to. "I would love to play Quidditch," she admitted. "I'd be a keeper there too. Hufflepuff pride." Nodding along at Dani's suggestion of The Library, she kept them walking in that direction ."Perfect. They make good drinks anyway."

Dani

It was kind of surreal to Dani to hear that, but then again, maybe that was how bad her trust issues were. She didn’t really like to talk about any of the things that made her vulnerable due to her ex, but she knew the pain was there. She was afraid of falling for someone and they end up acting completely different. It had happened to her once before. “Sorry that probably seems like a weird question,” she said once she shook her head of all the doom and gloom. “I like this idea if more sex though. I’m a touchy girl by nature, so the more skin to skin contact the better for me really.” There were many times when Dani had wished she was in Hogwarts when she was young. Honestly, as an adult she could still wish it too. “I’m a Gryffindor, but Hufflepuff was a close second! You’re loyal and true. Those are some great qualities. Gryffindor is pretty much a bunch of impulse control problem kids who use it for bravery and care about consequences later,” she admitted with a laugh. She loved her house, but they definitely could be problematic and break some rules. “They do! I’m actually auditioning to play there.”

Sam

Sam shook her head to reassure Dani that it wasn't a weird question. She could tell that there was a longer story behind it, but as quickly as Dani changed the subject, she could also tell that it wasn't the right time to bring it up. With the fresh (fresh for New York anyway) air around them, and Dani's hand in her own, she was more than glad to not let bringing up bad memories ruin it for them. "Something tells me that we'll be rethinking this whole going slow thing soon," she admitted with a grin of her own. No matter how many times she told herself that it was doing the right thing and keeping her from falling too hard too fast, she couldn't deny the constant pull to be closer to Dani when they were together. "Those overly brave Gryffindors." Sam shook her head in playful disproval. "I could see that, actually. You'd be there leading the charge to save everyone." Sam gave Dani's hand a gentle squeeze and reached over to pull open The Library door when they got there. "You mean like your band or like just you? Because you'd be amazing at it. They've gotta let you."

Dani

When Sam didn’t press for more information on her comment, Dani was grateful. She was sure that eventually they would have a heart to heart about it, but she didn’t want that to be right then. Soon she’d answer all questions, but that night she just wanted to forget. “I mean, you make it hard. You’re sexy, Sam Evans. How could I not want you?” Dani was glad they didn’t sleep together the first night they hung out, but every night since then was getting harder. ”That’s me,” she said with a laugh. She thanked Sam for opening the door for her as she head inside. Luckily they beat the late night rush so they got a small booth. Dani slid inside on one side and secretly hoped Sam would sit beside her. “A solo audition. I feel like I need to try it on my own to see if I can make something.”

Sam

Following Dani inside, Sam opted to sit down next to her in the booth without giving it much thought. Not only would it be easier to hear as the crowd grew throughout the night, but she also just liked being near her. Knowing that Dani was a touchy feely person as well made it the perfect choice in her mind. Besides, Dani called her sexy, and she was feeling pretty good about it. "Oh yeah? Breaking up the band?" she teased before realizing that this was probably a bit step for Dani, and she didn't want to ruin it for her. "I think you'll be great. You could play your original stuff you were talking about the other night." Sam turned slightly so that she could look at Dani as they spoke. "And I'm sure the band was excited for you, or will be when it's official I mean."

Dani

When the bartender came up to them, Dani ordered a whiskey sour. Whiskey was usually her drink of choice unless she was in a spot she knew she could get a good mojito. Then it changed to rum. Once she was gone, she turned her attention back to the blonde. “No, no. My God, they’d kill me,” she laughed. “I’ll still be in PL. I’m just doing some solo work as well. It would take a lot for me to leave those girls. They’ve become my family.” That was another thing she’d have to explain to Sam in time. Her family was a touchy subject since they disowned her, but she could get through the talk if needed. She’d explained it to some of her band mates before. “Thanks, baby. That means a lot. And yeah, original stuff will definitely be in the mix. Tell me about you? How’s work? I love kids, so I’m sure you have so many fun stories from working with them.”

Sam

"They wouldn't be the same without you, that's for sure." It was plain for anyone to see by their onstage chemistry that the band worked well together, so it wasn't surprising to hear how much that was true off of the stage for Dani as well. "In that case, I have slept with one of your family members," she teased since Sam had been so sure to make sure that Dani and Stacey had never crossed paths that way before. "I am mostly glad it's summer," she admitted honestly. It was probably a little cliché for a teacher to look forward to summer vacation as much, but it was true. "I'll have to cover some summer classes and some other stuff, but it's a lot less than when the school year is in full swing." Sam leaned back as the bartender slid Dani's whiskey sour in front of her along with Sam's own white girl special, the vodka cran. "I like kids too," she agreed before taking a small sip of her drink. "I mean, obviously. There's some teachers that seem to hate then though, so maybe not obviously. Yesterday I almost got caught in a food fight. Those are not near as fun as they seem like they are on tv."

Dani

Dani scrunched her nose at the mention of Sam having slept with one of her family members. It was all in good fun though. She knew about her and Kate. Dani just didn’t bring it up because she knew how much it hurt the blonde. “How could you,” she asked dramatically. The front could only be kept up for about five seconds though before a smirk took over her face. Dani took a sip of her whiskey sour before scooting a bit closer to Sam as she talked. Her hand found its way on top of the teacher’s thigh as she listened to her talk. “You know, I’ve never been into the whole teacher student fantasy thing, but if you were my teacher, I would have definitely had a crush on you.” That wasn’t hard for the singer to admit at all because honestly, Sam was gorgeous. She was sure there were many kids who had crushes on Ms. Evans. “I had teachers who obviously hated kids and became a teacher because they didn’t know what else to do to make a decent salary. They were the worst.” As she talked, Dani’s finger’s started drawing random little shapes on Sam’s thigh. “What made you want to be a teacher?”

Sam

There was a quick second where Sam thought her joke might have been a really bad idea. Her stomach dropped, and just as she was preparing to apologize for every word of it, she noticed the smirk on Dani's face that she couldn't hold back anymore. Sam playfully pushed Dani's shoulder and shook her head with a smile of her own gracing her face. "If you were my student, I'd be in trouble. But then I mean, you'd stand out a little with a bunch of sixth graders." Imagining Dani as she was right now, surrounded by a class of teens and preteens was an amusing visual to say the least. "I hate those kind of teachers. We have a couple working at the school now, and I keep hoping they'll just retire." Sam ran her tongue over her lower lip and pulled it into her mouth as she watched Dani's fingers tracing along her thigh. "You make it hard to concentrate." Sam didn't want her to stop in the least, and welcomed her short circuiting brain in this instance. "But in a good way," she added just to make it clear. "I wasn't ever very good in school," she tried to explain the best she could. "And teachers were quick to write me off, but then I had a couple that really helped me, and uhm, and I wanted to be that for kids." Sam shook her head as she wasn't sure any of it made a whole lot of sense. "You sure you want to talk about teaching right now? You just had a whole room full of people cheering for you as played. Teaching has got to sound extra boring by comparison."

Dani

Dani couldn’t help but laugh at Sam’s comment. She was very glad that she wasn’t the blonde’s student. While some people found the whole forbidden relationship thing attractive, she knew it would get old very quickly. Dani was too chill to want all of those complications. “We could totally do that fantasy if you want, but I’m glad you’re not. Hiding my relationships isn’t my scene.” While the touch was simple, she was glad it was having the desired effect. However, the more she felt how toned and muscular Sam’s legs were it was affecting her as well. “I like that I can distract you with the smallest of touches.” If more people were motivated the way Sam was Dani was convinced their education system would be better. When Sam couldn’t believe that she wanted to hear about teaching, all the singer could do was smile. She wanted to know more about the other woman. “Nothing about you sounds boring to me. I care about you and want to take an interest in the stuff you care about. Plus, it’s the only thing stopping me from asking you if you want to go somewhere for less talking.”

Sam

"Mine either. I'm not really good at hiding things." Sam admitted as she reached over and picked up her glass to take a drink. Using alcohol to try and cool down and distract herself from wanting to do the exact thing Dani was hinting at wasn't her best plan, but it was the one she had right now. She tried to remind herself that they had a date tomorrow, and surely should could wait that long at least, but her body didn't seem to be as fully in on that idea. "I could definitely be boring if I tried," she said with a teasing grin as she looked over at Dani again, her drink once again forgotten. "But I kinda like having you interested in me." Sam reached down and slid her hand over Dani's. "I'm trying really hard to remember why we were waiting," she admitted. "And right now, I can't think of any reason."

Dani

“That’s good because I like to be able to read you. Some may see it as boring, but I like the openness. Plus, I see something new every time I see you.” Dani didn’t see the point in hiding who she cared for. After being forced out of the closet at eighteen, she never wanted to hide again. No good came out of it in her mind. Plus, she didn’t like any girl she cared about feeling like some secret. “I really don’t think you could be. You’ve got Impressions, raps, massages, and I’m sure other talents,” she said with a smile. “We’re waiting because we want to make sure we aren’t still hung up on anything with our ex’s I think.”

Sam

Sam hummed in a agreement as Dani reminded her of the reason they were waiting. It was a good one, and one Sam wanted to stick with ever, but it was hard to be responsible when temptation was right there. "Ah, those two." She looked at her hand as it was on Dani's, and she laced their fingers together. "I'm ready to stop letting mine ruin things for me. I've got a hot date tomorrow," Sam added with a teasing smile. "I'm really hoping it goes well for me. She's really hot, and I'm a little nervous about it."

Dani

Dani squeezed the hand that was now in hers. "Are you sure," she asked quietly as she scooted loser to Sam. She wasn't trying to flirt the blonde or escalate things for once. The musician knew how rough the break up with Kate had been on the other woman, and she just wanted to be there. They would have to be open about things like this anyway. "I mean, well, I just want you to know that even though it might be weird to some people to talk about that stuff with someone they want to see, but I'm not one of them." Dani had no idea if she was making sense, but she hoped Sam could make something out of it. However, the rest of her words did make Dani feel butterflies for the first time in a long while. "A hot date, huh? Why are you nervous? You're a good looking girl yourself."

Sam

"Yeah?" Sam didn't hide the surprise in her voice. It wasn't what she'd been expecting to hear, and as she thought about it, she realized she didn't want to let the past ruin their night. With Dani being as close to her band as she was, Sam was sure she'd heard a version or two of it by now. While she'd rather it be her own, she was still there, so it couldn't have been too bad. "I don't think I want to let Kate mess this up for me." Sam took a deep breath and nodded her head as she decided it was for the best. "Do you want to talk about yours?" she asked tentatively. Dani hadn't been one to volunteer much information about it, and honestly Sam wasn't sure if she wanted to hear all the details, but she wanted to help if she could. If talking did that, she'd suck it up. "You think so, huh?" she smiled, feeling good about their flirty back and forth. "I kinda like this girl. She's pretty great, and I want it to go well."

Dani

“Yeah,” she said with a nod of her head. Dani could get jealous, but she could reign it in for that talk. They’d be talking about things in the past so really it wouldn’t affect her too much. If they talked about anything current, that would be a totally different story. “Well, if it’s any consolation, I have no intention of hurting you. You’re also really the only girl I have my eyes on right now, so no worries about me having feelings for someone else deep down somewhere. But we covered that today,” she noted as she remembered them being exclusive. The thought of her ex still could make her bristle but more because of the hurt that came with it. She didn’t know how much Sam knew about her and Santana since it wasn’t something that she gave much story to. “I’m okay. I mean, trust wise I still struggle after being essentially cheated on, but I’ve come to peace with it. I can’t change it, but I got good music and lessons so not all bad.” Dani would happily answer any questions if Sam had them because well, the girl deserved to know if she was getting involved with her. However, she was so happy they could also keep things flirty and fun. “Oh I know it. I don’t think you’ll have trouble with that girl. You’re easy to fall for.”

Sam

Sam bit the inside of her lower lip as she nodded. Logically she knew that things could, and hopefully would, go completely different with Dani, it was hard not to worry that her heart would get broken again. She never would have guessed it would have gone the way that it did with Kate after all either. "That's a good thing," she agreed with nervous smile. It was one thing to read everything Dani had texted her earlier, but another to see her face as they talked about it. It erased what little doubts she had. Whatever they were going to become, Dani was being open and honest with it. It was exactly what she needed. "I can promise I'd never do that to you. I'll have to help inspire some music without all that pain mixed in." She was glad to hear that Dani had found a way to use it to her advantage at least, even if she doubted that anyone would want their heart broken to get it. "If you're right, then tomorrow is going to be amazing." Sam gave Dani's hand a soft squeeze in hers. "Want to get out of here?" she asked not quite meaning it how it sounded, but not exactly taking it back either.

Dani

Dani moved her hand to cup Sam’s cheek in a hope to comfort her slightly. The blonde’s words did mean a lot. She knew there would be days when she’d have to fight the urge to let her insecurities get to her, but the fact that the teacher knew would make a difference. “I’m sure you can. Many songs are written about beautiful women, so you’ll help me there.” Dani almost did a double take when she heard Sam’s question. She badly wanted to go somewhere less public and keep the night going, but she had no idea if her self control could handle it. “Yeah. Where did you have in mind?”

Sam

Sam couldn't help but to smile at Dani's sweet and comforting gesture. It wouldn't be as easy to let go of the past as simply wanting to, but she was hopeful that they'd be able to figure it out. "We could go for a walk," she suggested with a small shrug of her shoulder. "Or we could go back to my place." Sam kept her eyes on Dani's as she suggested it, but she knew there wasn't anyway she'd be able to remember all the valid reasons they had for not wanting to rush things while they were alone. She took a deep breath and tried her best to focus on those reasons and not what she really wanted in that moment. "Or we could call it a night before temptation wins. I've got that hot date I get to dream about tonight."

Dani

Walking could be a thing, but she knew the longer that she was in the other woman’s presence the more she’d want to wiggle her way into a bedroom. Dani was a sexual person by nature and there was only so long that she could fight that off. “I so badly want to go back to yours and feel every inch of you,” she said with a sigh. The singer closed her eyes for a moment and took a breath before looking back at Sam. “I think calling it a night is probably a good idea, but you gotta give me a kiss first.”

Sam

Sam bit her bottom lip in an effort to keep her control and not let her mind imagine how amazing it would feel to let Dani do exactly that. It wasn't a visual that she exactly wanted to chase away, but she knew she had to. Taking comfort in knowing that she wasn't the only one who had it on her mind, Sam watched Dani take a moment, reiterating that Sammy wasn't the only one struggling against temptation. "I'll do you one better." Sam leaned in closer to Dani, talking softer as she did. "And I'll give you two." The quick smile that Sam flashed, quickly faded into the kiss once their lips met. A part of her was glad they were still in bar so she couldn't fully get as lost in the kiss as she easily could. "I've been wanting to do that all night."

Dani

Dani couldn’t help but giggle slightly when she heard Sam say she’d get two kisses. She thought her line would have been corny for most people, but she was glad to see she was with someone who could come right back with it. When Sam’s lips met her own she rubbed her thumb against the skin of the blonde’s cheek and allowed herself to savor the feeling. “Mmm from now on let’s make a rule that you kiss me whenever you want to because I won’t ever complain. PDA is something I’m very okay with.” Showing the person she was with she cared for them was important to her, so she wouldn’t stifle that. “This is good though because tomorrow will be our third time hanging out, and well, the slow is kind of working.”

Sam

"I like that rule," Sam admitted as her eyes dropped down to look at Dani's lips again. They managed to look just as soft as they felt, and even more inviting. Wanting to take her chance and happily follow Dani's newly set rule, Sam leaned in and kissed her again. It was quick and more because she was happy to be able to than anything else. "More than kind of," she agreed with a smile. Finishing off her drink, Sam slid out of the booth and offered her hand to Dani.

Dani

“I was hoping you would,” she replied before unconsciously biting her lip. There were times that Sam looked at her in a way that showed exactly what the other woman would rather be doing, and it never failed to make her stomach flip. It was just like being on a roller coaster before the big drop. Dani leaned forward when Sam pulled back from the peck to steal one more before giving her a big smile. “It is, but that doesn’t mean I always have to like it,” she chuckled. Dani placed twenty five dollars on the table before taking Sam’s hand to get up. Tomorrow it would be the testing of wills all over again.

#acupdaniharper #para: 003 #para #para: dani #dani

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hypemanminami-blog · 7 years ago

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it’s already past midnight when guanghong knocks on the door to minami’s home, technically already the day after his birthday. gosh, he had been planning this for a while now, it was supposed to be a great surprise, guanghong just showing up on minami’s doorstep with cake and flowers at a decent time. however, when the door swings open, the sight that awaits minami is a tired and apologetic looking guanghong, with only a backpack and a small plastic bag from 7 Eleven with him.

“I’m sorry!” are the first words that slip out his mouth, not even giving minami time to react to guanghong’s presence. “I was supposed to be here ages ago but my flight got canceled and I had to find another flight even though they told me I should just wait till tomorrow– which is technically today because I’m so late– but I really wanted to be here on your birthday, I even baked you cookies but they got really crushed after I had to wait around the airport for ages and then I just ended up eating them for dinner while I was there because I figured I couldn’t give you such gross looking cookies anyway– and by the time I actually found a new flight and landed here all the shops were closed so I couldn’t get you a bouquet and cake like I wanted to, so the best I could find was a 24 hours open 7-Eleven and all they had was some stale looking donuts so now that’s all I have for you–”

he rambles, quickly, giving minami no room to say anything. he’s basically just giving a bunch of excuses and he feels the guilt eating up at him for not doing anything better for minami on his birthday, but he swears he really did try his best. “this isn’t what I wanted at all, it was supposed to be a nice, romantic surprise but now I’m here and I smell bad and I look bad and I’m late, and these donuts probably don’t even have any filling, I don’t know, I couldn’t understand what the cashier was saying but–”

he closes his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. when he opens them again, there’s a small, apologetic but kind smile on his lips. “–but happy birthday. I’m late and– I’ll make it up to you tomorrow. or well, technically today. I’ll buy you any cake you want and a bouquet and– I’ll give you the proper celebration you deserve.”

Minami had been staring at his phone all day. His parents had left him birthday cards with money neatly tucked into them, and presents in the front room for him to wake up to but of course, they couldn’t be there, honestly he’d forgotten, would have continued to have completely forgotten had they not left the cards and presents.

They’d never been able to be there at least not both of them at the same time it just wasn’t possible for their line of work and he’d long since accepted that.

His brother had made the effort though, he was mid-way through the summer vacation period so he’d had no excuse to not at least make an appearance on the day. He’d spent the day with him making various random ice cream flavours with the ice cream maker his mother had gotten him. He didn’t know where the idea to get him an ice cream maker came from but he was thankful because he got to spend the day screwing around with his brother making random flavours out of different ingredients in the house.

That still didn’t stop him from periodically checking his phone. He’d expected a text by now, or a call, or something. Had he forgotten? No… it was common knowledge, their birthdays were listed on the Skating Federation database, it was public knowledge PLUS he’d mentioned to Guanghong that it’d been around mid-august a few months prior when the boy had asked so he’d hoped for something.

“He’s probably up to something, Kenjirou, I mean… you ambush him all the time! I doubt he’d forget your birthday” his brothers reasoning would be sound if Minami could see any indication that Guanghong had actually remembered but so far… nothing, not even a blip on social media and Minami had checked, usually Guanghong would have posted something by now but no… nothing for the past 17 hours, the last post being one wishing everyone goodnight the night before. Guanghong had gone to bed early leaving him a cute goodnight private txt, still no mention of birthday. Minami was of course impressed with how quickly his brother had caught on but he didn’t say that out loud, instead humming a noise that sounded a little like an agreement but other than that, he left it.

Guanghong must be busy…

Soon his brother went back to studying though, he had too, sure he could slack off and have fun but he wouldn’t get anywhere doing that so back to studying, going over his notes from the previous year, going over lectures he’d recorded and god only knows what else but Minami retreated to his room with one of the many bowls of ice cream they’d made that night and simply sat with his small floof amongst the mountain of pillows watching movies and trying not to be sad over the fact that his boyfriend hadn’t sent him even the smallest of texts to wish him happy birthday.

He spent the next few hours like that, curled up in bed occasionally slipping out for a new bowl of ice cream until late when a few knocks at the door and a call of ‘Door!’ from his brother had him diverting from the direction of the kitchen to the front door, he was already up so he might as well have gotten it.

He felt like the air had just left his lungs when he opened the door to find such a dishevelled Guanghong, rambling away not giving him even a spec of time to intervene, not that he’d have anything to say, Minami was speechless, eyes wide as Guanghong explained himself, where he’d been, how it was meant to be a surprise.

Minami didn’t care about the doughnuts, he didn’t care about the missing flowers, or the cake he’d definitely be getting tomorrow even though he’d ate his weight in ice cream that same day he was definitely getting cake the next. “You…” oh gosh he was there… he’d been trying so hard and there he was Minami could have cried, instead though he pulled Guanghong into a hug, a bone crushing hug practically burying his face into Guanghongs shoulder. He didn’t care if Guanghong smelt bad, didn’t notice, all he cared about was that he was there, he hadn’t forgotten.

“I don’t care about the doughnuts” he mumbled into Guanghong’s shirt, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill, gosh he’d been so disheartened all day and now here he was, the very boy he longed to see, or at least hear from. Fingers curled into the fabric a little tighter for a moment before he pulled back to look at him “c’mon we can order pizza, it’s Friday there’s always pizza places open on Friday even this late, can get you in the shower while we wait for it” Guanghong could definitely fit a shower in before pizza arrived.

He wouldn’t mention how he’d thought Guanghong had forgotten, he’d doubted his boyfriend, good lord how could he doubt Guanghong? “Then… then we can put on our PJ’s and cuddle in the cushion mountain” but first he had to get Guanghong inside out of the rapidly cooling night air and into the warm home now made infinitely warmer by the other boys’ presence “and Mocha’s missed you too, she’ll wanna cuddle you too” but not before he had his fill of Guanghong cuddles, sorry Mocha, boyfriend gets first place in snuggle queue.

#;birthday shenanigans #ADMITTEDLY LATE BIRTHDAY SHENANIGANS #i've been in work all day i cry #:'D #v; ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴛᴀʀꜱ ᴡɪʟʟ ꜰᴀʟʟ ꜰᴏʀ yᴏᴜ {𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓪𝓳𝓲}#submission

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escapingreality1992 · 4 years ago

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Birthday Confession

Steve Rogers X OC

Continuing with posting Avengers’ birthday stories. Steve’s birthday has arrived and Olivia comes in to visit him and her friends. She overhears a conversation held between Steve and Tony, in which Steve says he loves her. She is also in love with him but is afraid to say anything. They celebrate later and feelings are revealed followed by intimacy shared between Olivia and Steve.

I was looking forward to going home for a few days to spend time with my Avenger friends. These few days would be special, however. It would be the weekend of the fourth; Steve’s birthday was the real reason I wanted to head home. Sue me; I had a crush on the world’s favorite hero. Captain America. I made sure I stayed focused on my main duties, which was to take away people’s pain. It didn’t matter if it was physical or mental, I vowed to ease it either way.

My partner happened to be Carol Danvers, who traveled universes with me, helping in the ways she could but also to protect me. My friends had insisted on it while I was away from them. Occasionally, we would take time to come back and hang out with them; sometimes a week or a day. At least I got to see them and Steve, who I had become fond of during the last couple of years. All this traveling didn’t make me any less eager to see him whenever I could.

I’d been harboring these feelings since I first encountered him while Ultron had been a threat. I had eased the Avengers’ nightmares; Wanda had provided those before she became our ally. They were carefully tucked away in a deep corner of my heart for a number of reasons. Hell, who am I kidding? A number of excuses. The first of these being too afraid to admit I had a mild…mild…crush on Steve. Once I accepted it, the excuses continued, ranging from What if he doesn’t like me? Or Hey, I bet he likes Natasha, or I’m too busy or – and this is my favorite – I’m not good enough to be the girlfriend of Captain America, much less Steve Rogers.

“Excited to see Steve?” Carol’s voice interrupted my train of thought.

“You know it. I’ve got his present ready to go,” I answered. She laughed and patted my shoulder.

“When are you going to tell him that you have feelings for him?” she asked.

“I’m going with never. I don’t believe he’ll like me the same way I like him,” I said. I avoided her eyes, knowing I’d find disappointment in them.

“You’ll never know if you don’t say anything. And don’t say you’re not good enough. I’m sure he’d be thrilled to date you. You’re amazing Liv,” She said.

“Can we drop the subject of my feelings towards Steve, please?” I didn’t have to look at her to know she rolled her eyes.

“Fine, but all I’m saying is you should tell him. You’ll only regret it if you don’t,”

“Carol-,”

“I’m serious, Olivia. The worst he can do is say no. Besides, I want to see you happy for once. All this pain you’ve been taking in is taking its toll on you. You deserve happiness,” When I offered no response she sighed. “Anyways, what is on the agenda for the party tomorrow?” She continued. Olivia, not Liv. Well, I assume she’s mad, I thought. Most people call me Liv, a nickname that picked up during missions; my full name would only get used when someone was angry or upset or in pain. I let out a sigh, rubbing at my temples, an impending headache forming.

“We’re having a cookout in the backyard. Burgers, hotdogs, beer. That sort of thing. You’re welcome to join us if you want,” I replied.

“I might stop by a little later. There’s some things I need to take care of first,” I nodded, and she landed her ship in the middle of the compound’s field. I grabbed my duffel bag I packed for the weekend, gave Carol a quick hug and exited the ship. When I entered the building itself, I heard arguing coming from upstairs. I recognized the voices as Steve’s and Tony’s and listened in.

“I don’t see why we’ve got to have a party anyway. If she’s not here, I don’t want to celebrate,” Steve said.

“Steve, come on, it’s your birthday. You should have some fun. Who cares if Liv isn’t here? We can have fun without her,” Tony retorted. I smiled, silently making my way to the lounge. I had Tony keep my arrival a secret, wanting to surprise Steve when I got in.

“Tony, you don’t understand. I don’t want to celebrate it without Liv. I was planning on…you know what? Never mind. Cancel the party,” Steve stated.

“No. Everything is already paid for. What were you planning exactly? Maybe it can wait,”

“I don’t want to wait. I…I wanted to tell her how I felt about her. I’m in love with her, Tony. I love Liv and she’s not here to be with me,” I froze at his words. It’s not possible. He can’t be in love with me. Can he? I thought.

“The party isn’t until tomorrow. Maybe she’ll be here by then. As for the matter at hand, I’m happy for you. I’m glad you’ve found your special someone,” Tony commented. Silence followed. I took my chance, doing my best to pretend I hadn’t heard Steve’s confession.

“Where’s the birthday boy? He needs a giant hug pronto,” I exclaimed, running up the last few stairs. Both men jumped, but Steve beamed at me as I ran to hug him.

“You’re back! I didn’t think you were coming home this weekend,” he greeted me. He squeezed me tight, my face pressed into his muscular chest. Steve’s hugs were warm, like sunshine on a hot summer day. I inhaled, his clean smelling cologne stirring something inside me. He let go and I wished he hadn’t, longing for his touch.

“And miss your birthday? I don’t think so. I wouldn’t dare miss it for the world,” I said.

“Liv! I thought I heard your voice. Did you just get in?” a new – female – voice said. I turned to face Natasha, who pulled me into a hug.

“Yeah, I’ve got a few days to spend with you guys until the next mission. This weekend, plus an additional two days. So, I vote that we should go out drinking or dancing or both to start the weekend off with a bang,” I told her.

“Agreed. Why don’t we all go freshen up and I’ll get started on inviting the others,” Tony said. I nodded, Natasha and I leaving the room. I took one last look at Steve and saw…nervousness. Steve Rogers nervous? Around me? I thought as I walked to my room.

The conversation between Tony and Steve played out in my head as I showered and got ready for tonight’s outing. Steve was in love with me, something I hadn’t readily anticipated. I convinced myself there was no possible way he would return my feelings and here he was telling Tony he loved me. I didn’t want him to know that I knew about his confession, which only made me more nervous for tomorrow. Turns out, I didn’t have to wait long. The team had decided to go out dancing and drinking, the combination allowing us to relax and release the tension held in our bodies. I danced mainly with Nat and Wanda, Bucky and Tony joining in every now and then. Steve and the boys hung back and played pool until late in the night when we decided to head back to the compound.

Back at the compound and in my room, I had stripped down to a tank top and shorts and made to slide under the covers when a knock sounded at my door. I opened it to find Steve holding two cups and a bottle of champagne.

“Can I come in? I thought we could celebrate my birthday early. It is past midnight, which makes it technically the fourth,” he greeted me. I smiled and opened the door wider. He sat on the bed, patting it to invite me to join him. I did so after closing the door, crossing my legs in front of me. I took both cups while he popped the bottle and poured us both a drink.

“Happy birthday to me,” he toasted, tapping his cup to mine.

“Happy birthday, Steve,” We took a long drink and then he let out a sigh.

“I have a confession to make,” he told me, setting our cups aside. My heart hammered in my chest. I mistakenly thought he was planning on waiting until the party tomorrow.

“What is it?” I asked. Steve took one of my hands, linking our fingers.

“I’ve wanted to tell you for a while. Each time I tried, I panicked because I didn’t know how you would take it. But I wish to tell you now,” he said. I swallowed, my throat now dry, bracing myself for what came next.

“I like you. No, scratch that. I love you. Maybe you don’t feel the same way and that’s okay. I just needed to put it out there because I can’t hide it anymore. I don’t want to keep it from you anymore,” he said. My breath caught in my throat. ‘All I’m saying is you should tell him. You’ll only regret it if you don’t,’ Carol’s words echoed through my head. He had laid out his heart before me. I knew I should do the same.

“Olivia, please say something. If you don’t feel the same, tell me. End my misery now. You won’t hurt my feelings,” Steve said. He took my other hand in his, rubbing little circles into my skin. Come on, Olivia. Now’s your chance, I thought. No words came. Instead, I leaned in to kiss him. Soft lips, pressed to mine, the heat melting all thought away. When I pulled back, I found the right words to say to him.

“I heard you and Tony this afternoon. I didn’t want you to know I knew. I have…feelings for you too. Always have. At first, I refused to acknowledge them because I thought I’d be like all the other women who liked Captain America. The problem with this is that I like you. Not the hero. After I accepted that my feelings weren’t going to go away, I made up excuses for why I shouldn’t tell you. But I can’t hide them any longer. And I don’t want to. I love you, Steve,” I confessed. A grin curled his lips and then they were on mine again.

The champagne forgotten and out of the way, Steve gently pushed me back against the pillows. He continued to kiss me, his hands on either side of my face. He slipped his tongue inside my mouth, heat flaring up inside me. He moved his lips to my neck, one hand sliding down to lift the hem of my shirt. He paused, meeting my eyes.

“Only if you want to,” he said.

“I want to,” I stated. He lifted the garment off of me, leaving a trail of kisses from my neck, over my collarbone until he reached my breasts. He covered one with his mouth and my body arched to meet his. I let out a moan, gripping his arm. He took his time, my arousal soaking my panties. Steve continued his path downwards, pulling my shorts and underwear off, tossing them to the floor. He spread my legs apart, burying his face in my pussy. He made a broad stripe up my folds, eliciting another moan from me.

He kept going, his tongue darting in and out of my core, bringing me to my release. He came back up to kiss me; I helped him rid himself of his shirt and sweatpants, his fingers slipping inside me. I let out a guttural groan as he toyed with my core, soaking his fingers with my juices.

“You’re drenched again,” he said. He pumped in and out driving me wild, my eyes rolling back in my head. I whimpered when he pulled them out.

“Steve, please,” I begged. I craved more of him, more of Steve’s touch.

“In a second, sweetheart. Spread your legs wider for me,” he said. He wasn’t being dominant, but I found myself doing as he requested, watching as he lined up at my entrance. He gave me no warning as he slammed into me; I gasped, clinging to his arms as he continued to thrust harder and harder. He sped up, bringing us both to our release. He took it slow the second round, the end result being us wrapped up in each other’s arms. He kissed me and we drifted off to dreamland.

The next morning, I awoke to find us spooning, Steve’s arms wound tight around my torso. I stroked one arm, stirring him.

“Good morning, Liv,” he mumbled. He kissed the top of my head, pulling me closer.

“Good morning. Happy birthday,” I said.

“I had a pretty good start to it. Don’t you agree?”

“Mm. Definitely. I think I know a good way to continue it,” I said. I slipped my hand behind me, stroking his cock. He moaned, allowing me to roll him over and disappear beneath the sheets. I covered the tip with my mouth, pulling him deeper in my throat. His member twitched as I swirled my tongue over the shaft.

“Liv. Don’t stop,” he moaned. I bobbed up and down, one hand fondling his balls until he came; his seed spilled into my mouth and I swallowed every bit. I came back up, licking my lips before I kissed him.

“I do have a different present for you,” I said. I climbed off Steve and rummaged through my bag until I found the box I was looking for. I sat across from him, handing the gift to him. He opened it and ran his fingers over the metal keychain that had an engraving of the team on it. At the bottom it said, ‘your family that loves you’.

“A miniature version of your family to look at while you’re on missions. To remind you we’ll always be with you,” I explained.

“I love it. Thank you,” he said. We spent most of the morning in bed until around lunchtime when we decided to grab a bite to eat before the party at 5. Carol joined us around 8, just in time for the fireworks. Steve held me tight against him as we watched the colors light up the night sky. For the first time, I had found the one person I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. Steve loved me and that’s all I wanted more than anything.

#Steve Rogers #steve rogers x oc #natasha romanoff #captain america #carol danvers #black widow #captain marvel #wanda maximoff #scarlet witch #bucky barnes #winter soldier #tony stark #marvel #iron man #avengers #love #birthday #love confession

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kf14wxbw-blog · 5 years ago

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