#pls tag me if anyone has seen this already done

[shgark]

man i wish i had like an ounce of skill to draw bc imagine sasamiya but theyre wearing chuuya and dazai's outfits

this is 100% bc of their hair colours and if you squint a bit miyano and dazai's bangs make a kinda similar shape in the middle

like in my head, the situation is that miyano had been thinking about cosplay for a while and mentioned it offhandedly to sasaki, but sasaki was like super into it bc it sounded pretty fun

like imagine a lil moment where to get chuuya and dazai's height difference, miyano has to stand on a crate and sasaki kinda ducks a bit

i love rotating these lil guys in my mind :3

[nickfowlerrr]

sit me on your throne.

pairing: geralt of rivia x curvy!reader

warnings: i don't know what i'm writing about but if you're here for smut, there's smut. 18+ only. probably ooc - i've only seen season one. if i'm missing something that needs to be tagged please let me know.

words: 4.3k

notes: i really truly do not know. forgive me not.

thank you in advance for reading! any thoughts, comments, and reblogs are so appreciated. let me know what you think. (unless its mean then pls don't).

"You kneel before me?"

Your question is born of nothing but pure confusion as you tilt your head in bemusement at the bulking behemoth of a man before you.

He hadn’t done as much when he first arrived, not to your displeasure, so it was odd to see him do it now - especially after the battle he has just fought.

He is at your feet, his long white hair darker and dingier now, dirty as his clothes and skin; marred with caked mud and what you can only assume is the blood and guts of the beast he has defeated.

The stench he carries with him is pungent, nothing but putrid, and yet that somehow doesn't take from his striking good looks; those paired with his brevity and bluntness have held your attention from the moment he stepped foot in your kingdom.

He is a man of little words, this Geralt of Rivia. His jester of a companion having done much of the speaking - perhaps too much - for him since they arrived.

Geralt says nothing still, only meets your gaze as he takes steady breaths. His yellow eyes, feline and harsh, cut through you in a number of ways - none of which you'd care to share aloud. You have a feeling he knows, however, just how affected you are by him no matter how well you think you hide it.

You are alone together, no guards at the ready, no advisors by your side. Most of your kingdom is now quiet and abandoned, including the halls of your once flourishing and lively home. The halls of this castle have been eerily silent since the night your men went on their mission to save their homestead. You had already sent word for The Witcher, you implored them to keep safe indoors until his arrival. They did not listen. Most of them still having seen you as the young princess you once were, the others simply following the orders of their leaders. You may have been their "Queen", but their faith in their commanders was stronger.

Those commanders who led them to their deaths... You still sigh at the loss.

Those who were not taken, slain, by the beast have long since fled for their lives. You cannot blame them. But you certainly could not join them. Your castle once held many souls, but now it is only you and a handful of others. Titles of servants, but you really never were one for titles.

"Your friend?" you wonder.

"Somewhere," he answers shortly, his voice low and deep as he speaks.

You quirk a brow, "Safe?"

"For as long as he keeps himself from trouble."

You hum, a hint of a smile pulling at the corner of your lips. Their relationship amuses you, you must admit.

"You needn't kneel, Witcher," you implore as you sit back on the throne. It is yours in name alone. It has never felt right to sit in. He seems to sense your unease, but he doesn't speak it. You continue, "You have done what you said you would, I will do the same."

Still, he doesn't stand. Not until you flick your eyes and move to stand yourself. He rises easily as he stands before you still. There is not much distance between you, and the stench of him stings your eyes and threatens to gag you. Your face scrunches in disgust as you turn it away from him, grimacing.

"I've had a bath readied for you, and new clothes set aside," you inform him, moving to pass around. He follows you, and you can feel the weight of his gaze as his eyes cling to you. "Your meals will be served as soon as you're done. I don't imagine anyone would be able to stomach a bite with that smell coming off of you."

He says nothing but lets out an amused "hm" at your words, still following as you lead him to the bathing room.

You thank Amaleah as you enter and she leaves with a nod to you, her breath catching when she smells Geralt enter behind you. It's as fast an exit as you've ever seen.

You move toward the bath and wade a hand in the water. It's a bit hot for your preferences but it should get him clean. You ensure the soap Amaleah brought in is fragrant enough and still look for some nicer oils to add to the water; when you turn around to ask your guest his want, you find yourself stunned silent as you're met with the sight of his broad, bare chest. His muscles flex under his pale and scarred skin as he moves, his solid chest is covered in dark hair, trailing down his torso. His arms are strong and big and a thought at the back of your mind wonders how comfortable he must be to lie with.

You blink, mouth parted slightly as you take a breath. You watch his clothing fall as he discards them and your gaze follows his hand as he begins to strip himself of the rest of his garments.

He is completely shameless as he watches you watch him. You feel as if you are in a trance, you cannot bring yourself to look away despite the heavy weight of his gaze assuring you he sees you staring.

It’s not an act of brazenness, truly you would look away and leave him at once…if you could.

“I’ve slain your monster,” he speaks and your eyes rise back to his chest, trying to ignore the heaviness of his thick cock as it hangs so temptingly before you. No, not temptingly…Shamelessly. He has put himself entirely on display before you, without an ounce of shame or concern, and you are still frozen to your spot. “Was there something else you required of me, Your Highness?”

The title gets your attention, the breath caught in your chest finally flows and your eyes flick up to meet his. You can't tell entirely if he meant it as an insult or if he thought you'd prefer it to Queen.

You remain quiet for a moment as you try to gather a response. Either way...

“I told you that wasn’t necessary, Witcher.”

“Geralt.”

You swallow hard as he takes a small step forward, and you will yourself to not break his intense gaze.

"Geralt. I thank you, for saving what was left of this ruined kingdom, but I consider myself not princess, nor Queen, any longer."

"Did you ever?" he asks, staring into your eyes a moment longer before he steps closer still, looking you up and down then nudging you aside, eliciting goosebumps along your skin, rising under his touch.

You glance over your shoulder as he continues past you, lowering himself into the tub.

You think.

You know your answer, but you won't say it aloud. Clearly he knows it, too.

You can hear the water sloshing with his movements as he begins to clean himself.

You take a deep breath.

"The clothes will be brought in shortly. You might tell Jaskier when you're done that the food is ready."

"Ah," he says amid his washing, "so you do know his name."

"Of course I do. I've grown quite fond of the bard in the week since you've arrived."

"I couldn't tell," he says plainly, yet still biting - his words sharp with sarcasm.

You furrow your brow at his meaning and then there's a laugh at the door and you look to see Jaskier as he leans on it. "You sound jealous, there, Geralt," he taunts, holding folded clothing in his hands as he pushes off the door to saunter in. "I wouldn't worry. I don't believe I'm the one who's caught her eye." He looks to you with a smirk, bowing before you, "Your Majesty."

"I am no longer queen," you repeat for what feels like the hundredth time.

"My Queen, none the less," he simpers before standing to his full height.

You smile tightly, eyes narrowed playfully at him before you finally move to exit, leaving them to their inevitable quarreling. And trying not to focus on the tingling still affecting you between your legs.

--

You eat with the women in the kitchen; the dining hall one of your least favorite places to be.

There is a calm yet solemn energy around you all. A peace in the slaying of the monster who took your kingdom, and still the grief from the loss of it all, your people, their families, friends...

Calliope readies the plates for your guests as you bid them all a goodnight, kissing Amaleah's son on his head on your way out with a 'sweet dreams'. Since his father was killed, the poor thing has nightmares recurringly. You only hope with the monster's demise, they might ease for him some. He is far too young to be in such pain...

You think to pass by the dining hall on your way to bed to thank Geralt once more and wish them both a goodnight as well but think better of it.

You will see them in the morning before they set off. You still owe him his coin and you know he won't be leaving without it.

--

You open the heavy door of your chamber and once you are inside, begin to undress.

Slipping into your shift, you swiftly make your way into bed. You thought you'd fall asleep quickly, but as you lay there, your mind wanders to thoughts of only one.

You have one hand on your lower belly, the other resting on the soft skin right above it.

You sigh and close your eyes, but all you see when you do is his built form. His dark, firelight stare set on you. His clothes left on the ground as he stands strong in his glory.

You breathe deeply, your hand starting to slowly drift down your stomach as you tickle yourself. You're so tempted to touch where you want it most, but you can't bring yourself to do it. Not just yet.

You slip your hand between your spread thighs, softly running your fingers across the sensitive skin you find there.

It'd been a week of torment, having Geralt so close and not being able to act on your most base feelings. You know he knows what you think when you look at him, if Jaskier can see it, surely, he can too.

You might feel embarrassed but with the way he's managed to get closer and closer to you with each passing day as he awaited the beasts' return, you would wager he feels similarly.

It feels like an age that you lie awake. All the noises about the castle, not that there were many, have settled and it assures you everyone has retired for the night.

Sleep begins to nip at you but the stronger pull is to the dissatisfaction that weighs on you. The emptiness that echos through your body and soul.

Your fingers twitch, and you begin to glide closer to your uncovered core, the need to be touch too much to be ignored for much longer. Your eyes are closed and you imagine it isn't your hand running over your skin, but rather his large, rough palm feeling you, teasing you just so...

Just as you inch closer, your eyes snap open in the dark as a heartbreaking scream cuts through the night air. You sit up, pulling your hands off of yourself. You know immediately where the sound comes from and who it belongs to.

You get out of bed, intent to make sure Hartley and Amaleah both are okay.

You open your door just as the one across the wide hall does the same. You frighten at the unexpected movement but are then unsurprised to be across Geralt.

He is shirtless again, and his eyes are wide as his chest rises and falls with his heavy breaths.

"Are you alright?" he asks, voice hard.

"Yes, I'm fine. It was the boy, Hartley. He has nightmares," you explain, keeping your voice quiet as to not disturb the renewed peace of the night.

The flick of the flame that lights the hallway allows you both to see one another. You say nothing for a moment as your eyes fall to his bare torso.

"Did the clothes not fit?"

He looks down at himself briefly, then back to you. He shakes his head, "I prefer to sleep naked."

You burn at his words, swallowing hard. "Oh. Well, I- I'm going to check on them, make sure they're fine."

"I'll go with you."

It's not a question, it's a statement. You stop in your start, turning to look at him. You say nothing, just blink and quickly carry on as you were.

You make your way down the stairs and down the hall until you see the flames licking at the end of the hallway.

You follow the glow to Amaleah's room and knock gently as you look in the open door.

She turns and looks to you, her eyes tired and cheeks damp as she rocks her toddler in her arms. He is sleeping again as she rubs his back gently, more to soothe herself than anything.

She sniffles, "Your High-" she stops herself, "sorry, forgive me," she whispers.

"Don't apologize. Please," you implore her. "I know it's habit."

"Are you two alright?" Geralt asks from right at your back.

"We are, thank you. Just another nightmare," her voice gets thick at the explanation. You know it hurts her that there isn't anything she can do but be there to comfort him when they come.

You smile sadly and nod. "We'll let you be, then. Do try to get some rest. He'll be okay," you reassure her.

You pull the door nearly closed and wind up with Geralt firmly at your back.

You turn into him but he doesn't seem to mind as he just looks down at you nearly pressed against his chest. You try to budge him to turn and move back down the hall but he doesn't waver. After a second, he relents and steps to the side, allowing you to go back down the hallway first.

It isn't until you come up on the throne room that Geralt speaks again.

"Might I have a word with you?" he asks.

You stop and turn to eye him as he stands at the entryway of the door.

"Now?" you question.

He nods once, "Now."

You approach him trepidatiously, and as you near, he gestures you in the room before him, extending his arm, "Princess."

Your eyes narrow again. And you turn on him, watching as he enters the room behind you. "Why do you keep doing that?"

"What am I doing?"

"Princess? Your Highness?" you quote him.

"I assumed you preferred it to your true title," he tilts his head at you.

"True title," you scoff, rolling your eyes. "I prefer no title at all."

"And what shall I call you then?"

You remind him your name, not that he really needs to be reminded. You know he knows it full well.

He considers you, then closes in on where you stand in front of the throne.

You don't move back, no, you quite like the closeness when he doesn't reek of death and innards.

Geralt seems to appreciate your resolve, his lips twitching with the beginnings of a smile as he studies your face.

"It's a beautiful name," he speaks lowly, taking another step into your space and raising his hand to gently caress your cheek before he leans in to speak against your ear. Your hands touch his solid stomach in an attempt to keep yourself upright, you can feel the muscles as they flex under your delicate graze. "I think I might prefer princess," he husks.

He slips away from you, turning to take a seat on the throne instead. You follow his movements and turn yourself to face him. You're stunned and completely set ablaze all at once.

"Well I don't."

"No," he smirks, agreeing with you, one large hand settling on his thick thigh as he spreads his legs, "you don't."

"It's too bad," he tsks, his voice a smooth rumbling. "No title, no throne."

"I don't want any throne."

Your eyes are glued to his thighs as he brings attention to his lap by rubbing the muscle there.

"None?" he asks before his gaze shifts directly on you, his mesmerizing stare burning into you. His voice lowers deeper than you've ever heard as a desperate longing shoots through you once again, resounding deep in your core. "Not even mine?"

Your mouth goes dry and your brain fuzzy as you take in his meaning.

Unthinking, you step toward him closer.

"You mean to defile the very one you sit on?"

"You don't seem to care for it much anyway."

Another step.

You are nearly stood between his spread legs, carefully you reach out a hand, your fingers light on his thigh. You feel his muscle then, flicking your eyes up. His gaze is dark and heated.

"That's true enough," you say, your voice breathy in a near whisper.

You gasp as your suddenly pulled closer by Geralt's rough hands around your waist. You can feel him through the thin fabric of your shift and its only then you realize how much of your figure he has seen thanks to your nightwear.

"Truer still," he speaks, "I don't mean to defile this throne." He squeezes your plush waist, groping you through your shift as your hands latch onto his solid shoulders. "I mean to defile you."

He manages to pull you onto his lap with little effort, leaning in to crash his lips into yours.

You kiss him back hungrily, chasing his lips as you settle on his lap. Your fingers wind in his hair and you can feel his cock growing beneath you through the material of his pants.

His hands slide down your waist and over your wide hips, reaching for the hem of your shift and pulling it up. His tongue slips past your lips and you moan, shifting your hips atop him.

You pull away, reaching for your dress and pulling it over your head, discarding it behind your back.

Geralt holds you closer, letting his lips explore your heavy breasts as you allow your head to fall back in pleasure, your hands returning to his hair.

"Geralt," you breathe, pulling him off you after a moment.

"Mm," he hums, kissing the swell of your breast once more before he moves to free himself from the restraint of his pants. He knows what you’ve both been wanting for days. What you need.

One heavy hand returns to your back, holding you by your waist while his other grips his red, throbbing cock.

He moves his tip up and down your slick center, making you whimper as he teases you - his cockhead rubbing delightfully against your sensitive clit.

He watches your face scrunch in rapture and holds you tighter to stop your wiggling about as you whimper.

He smiles smugly to himself and when you're just about to open your mouth to protest his teasing, he finally pulls you down on top of him. The sound that escapes you is music to his ears as you grasp onto him, your nails digging into the muscle of his back as your walls squeeze and stretch to accommodate his thick length, the size of him almost too much for you to take.

"Fuck," he groans as your walls tighten around him. He gives you a moment before he begins to urge you to move. He guides your hips, slow and sensually. The feeling of his hands on you motivates you to try and ride him yourself. And you do try, but you cry out again at how big he is, how fully he is stuffing you. You can barely move.

Geralt kisses you as he holds you closer, taking pity on your tight cunt and instead he moves his hands to your soft hips again. He holds you on top of him securely before he begins to fuck up into you.

You mewl as he jostles you, bouncing you up and down his cock, your breasts moving in time.

You pull on his hair, forcing him to look up from where his gaze was fixed, watching his own cock as he stretched you out for him, watching as your cunt took as much of him in as she could, up to your hooded lust filled gaze. You lean into him, chest to chest as you kiss him fervently. His lips follow yours as you taste one another. You nip at his lip and he growls, his hands gripping the ample flesh of your ass, "Keep that up," he snarls.

"And you'll what?" you breathe heavily, eyes screwed shut, jaw tight as you deadbrain on the pleasure coursing through you.

Your answer is a harsh thrust of his cock inside of you, stealing your breath while he slaps your ass, your flesh stinging from the force.

"Oh, fuck," you whimper debauchedly, your velvety walls squeezing him ever tighter as you feel yourself growing closer with every bounce. The tip of him hitting exactly where you need it to. Your body is on fire and you are loving every second of it. The feeling of him inside of you, of his hands squeezing and caressing you everywhere he can, of his lips demanding yours for more.

His grunts are growing louder and his thrusts more powerful, you kiss him hard in an effort to quiet him some, but you can feel what is coming.

Geralt is near slamming you down on top of him, the sound of your ass slapping against his thick thighs mix with the salacious sounds coming from you both and of your slick wetness as you're worked up and down his shaft, your cunt taking him better and better with each thrust.

Your hands move to hold his face, your noses brush as you breathe each other's air, lips touching just slightly.

"Geralt, I'm,"

"I know," he pants harshly, concentrated before taking your lips in his. You whimper pathetically as the coil in your belly winds tighter and tighter. He keeps you moving a top him, your clit being stimulated with every brush of your hips over his, and then with another deep thrust it snaps before you can speak. Your voice is an empty high then silent squeak as your legs tremble and your eyes roll back. Are you even breathing? Your walls clench down on Geralt's cock and he finally allows himself to reach his own high as your tight walls flutter around him, squeezing him perfectly. You ride the waves of ecstasy as his come spills inside of you. You feel him shudder beneath you and it only adds to your feeling of weightlessness, stars in your eyes as you feel, think, breathe nothing but him.

You part from his lips and your bodies are slick with sweat as you both pant heavily. Geralt holds you to him as he softens inside of you, his forehead pressed to yours as your hand comes behind his neck, holding him to you in kind.

Your lips mimic a kiss but neither of you lean in close enough to actually do it. You work to catch your breath and settle for a minute before you finally break the quiet.

"Do I still owe you your coin?" you breathe, smiling when Geralt laughs in your face. You reach to move a stray strand of hair from his face, holding his cheek gently once you do.

Your stare into one another's eyes for a long moment, just breathing and being close.

"Where will you be off to in the morning?" you ask, hoping your solemn tone isn't as audible as it sounded to you.

"Don't know," he shakes his head, eyes straying to your lips.

You take a breath and pull his face closer to kiss him softly.

"I envy you, you know."

"Don't."

You huff a humorless laugh, readjusting yourself on his lap. "Not because you're a witcher. You may not have the most enviable life, but at least you have one. I've never made it past the most exterior gates," you smile sadly, playing with the hairs on his chest as you avoid his eye now.

"I suppose I'll have the chance, now, though. Thanks to you."

"And where will you go?" he asks.

Your gaze floats up to his and you repeat his previous answer. "I don't know. But I won't stay here. This kingdom is..." you shake your head. "I don't belong here. Never felt like I did. But I made a promise to my mother when I was young, and another to my father before he passed. I know I've let them down," you swallow the rise of emotion threatening to overcome you, "but alas, the fall of a kingdom is ever inevitable. Especially under such rule as my own."

"I've heard word of your rule from many. You're known to be kind. Caring. Protective, even. I don't believe you've failed. I think you were exactly the kind of ruler you should have been, who you needed to be. But perhaps it's a good thing you won't be forced any longer into holding power you don't desire. You're now free to do as you wish."

"I am," you nod lightly in agreement. "If only I knew where to start,” you muse with an uneasy laugh.

His hand runs up your back comfortingly; he's pensive, deep in thought for a long moment before he speaks.

"If you ready your things, I don't think Roach would mind a travel companion of her own. She seems to have taken to Belfast… I'm not sure she'd be ready to part with him so soon, anyway."

"Is that so?" you ask him, faux curiosity playing in your voice.

"And Jaskier is easier to take when I'm not the only one he has around to bother."

"Right," you nod, fighting your soft smile.

"And of course your coin would be useful as well."

"Of course," you exaggerate your agreement. "…Geralt, are you getting at something here?"

"Just that, if you want to join us…you might."

You lean into him again, thumb rubbing along his stubble lining his cheek, and this time he kisses you first. More gently than you expect. You can’t help your smile now.

You part lightly and breathe,

"I hope you mean that, Witcher. Because I just might."

[gortash-week]

hello gortash nation. it is i, host of this week @sankttealeaf here! gortash week may "officially" be over but that means nothing when the archduke wants more! (he will not stop until he has more, please i miss my family he's keeping me locked away in wyrms rock prison and is making me dance for his amusement! i cant dance! help please!!)

anyway - despite the event ending, i will be leaving the AO3 collection open until the end of august / early september for those who found the event a little later and want to make something for these prompts. time is a weird soup after all, we don't follow rules here!!

if you've made something and have thought "oh no! its not the day of the prompt anymore - i cant post it" PLEASE share it!! i'm still accepting submissions and i'll still reshare any gortash week work here & tag whichever day its for! i know some people found out about the event as it was happening and if the prompts have inspired you - please share!!! i'd love to see it!!

thank you from the bottom of my heart if you've participated in this event - whether that's making things or simply engaging with the content shared. it means the world to me that people found the prompts interesting enough to take time out of their day to make something for it. i had no idea this event would be as big as it's become and i'm so so so impressed with the wide variety of work made and shared!! everyone is so talented and i cant wait to see what other things you all make and write <3

as for the future? well, i'd love to run more events like this! i've mentioned before about a hypothetical "gort month" that would include two prompts per week, 8(ish) prompts in total. that way there's a loooot more time to work on things & if people wish to join halfway through it's a lot less pressure to do so! my aim for running events is to keep them as stress & pressure free as possible because theyre here to be fun! i'm also open to comments & ideas & feedback on how you (yes, you!) found this event so if i do end up running something else in the future it can be better and better! pls feel free to shoot me as ask (anon or not it's fine! be respectful though, that's all i ask<3) if you have any post-event comments you want to air and i'll respond!!

again, if i've missed any of your work you've posted, please send it my way! no message required, just drop me the link & i'll share it asap!! thank you to those who have done that already!! i easily miss things and i dont want anyone to feel like im purposefully leaving them out!!

thank you again for making this week so enjoyable! ive had such a blast hosting it and if i see any other events i'll be sure to reblog them here (for those interested: i've seen a wyllmancer week, a galemancer week (both on twitter), and a lae'zel week on here that i can't seem to find the post for to link to :( )

again - super open to comments and feedback or even if you just want to say hi! i'm way more active on my main blog if you're interested in hanging out there :3

thank u so much for this week, it's been so much fun <3 <3

[weirdsht]

Disillusioned 5 . As I Know It

tags: reader has never experienced the warmth of love, abuse as the norm, hints of anxiety and trauma, short chapter

English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors

Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission

Constructive criticisms and any kind of interaction are more than welcome

Requests are currently closed but my ask are still open (read navi)

Buy Me Dessert

Navigation Masterlist prev . next

Weird

If _____ is asked to describe Cale’s group that’s the word they would use.

From their strength to how they act, _____ finds all of them weird.

But it’s not just the individuals in this group that the healer finds weird. It’s the group itself.

Everyone acts so weirdly.

Maybe it’s because they aren’t family but the dynamics here are so different from what _____ is used to.

However, that’s not it either.

Even without it being said, the Medicus could tell that the way the group sees one another is like family. Blood-related or not, with official adoption papers or none; with or without those things _____ can see that the way everyone cares for each other transcends any friendship or servant-master relationship.

Proof and documentation were trivial to such a group because their bond transcends it all.

Whether _____ is part of that extraordinary bond is something they choose not to ponder about.

They feel as though they don’t need to know. Do they fear that the truth might hurt? A little. But it’s mostly because they don’t want to get attached. Because their kindness is already so addicting, what more if _____ allows themself to indulge further and act as though they have a place in the group’s family-esc dynamics.

So they try to settle by acting as an outsider.

Try to be content that they can even see such amazing things.

However, sometimes greed takes over.

Moments like when the kids are playing a prank on Choi Han or everyone doting on Cale. Moments like that make _____ want to join in.

And sometimes they do.

As soon as they do they regret it. The fear of getting attached only to be thrown away eats them alive. The fear of the possibility that one day the group will wake up and realize that _____ is only a liability makes them fear the group’s kindness.

They feel as though they are a naive month trying hard to not be drawn by the flame.

Nonetheless, despite all their walls, everyone is still kind.

But that’s what makes them all the more weird.

They see one another as a family but don’t act like one.

Well in _____’s opinion at least.

From what _____ has learned in their almost 18 years of living, a family doesn’t let anyone make mistakes. Family must discipline each other.

Well, they do…

But why are they so gentle?

Why is the worst punishment being deprived of their favourite things?

Why are there no physical punishments?

Do they care less than _____ thought?

Or perhaps are they not aware that you need physical punishment to get your point across?

_____’s family has always told them that without physical punishment, they would not learn. It’s the way a family, especially parents, shows love. The moment they stop punishing you for your mistakes, you know your family doesn’t love you anymore.

_____ can’t understand the weirdness of it all.

They care for each other but show unorthodox ways of showing it.

They discipline one another but in a way _____ does not understand.

They teach the kids to be frugal by giving them an allowance but still spoil them.

They want everyone to be independent and strong, well maybe except for Cale, but they don’t leave them in a desolate place for a week to teach them how to fend for themselves.

They want to know that they care for others but won’t blatantly list all of the good things they have done for the group.

_____ can’t understand all of it.

The way this group acts is the opposite of how the healer has been taught. The way they show care is different from what _____ has experienced. This group is something the Medicus has neither seen nor experienced.

Oh wait…

_____ has seen it before.

They’ve read it in fairy tale books.

Tales of different people coming together and building a family where the foundation is love, trust, compassion, and care. Tales of where your blood relation or abilities don’t matter in creating a family.

Tales of where someone will love you unconditionally because you’re you.

And that’s so weird

Because at the end of the day, that’s all those things are, fairy tales.

They are something that is not possible in real life.

Something that is written to help broaden a curious child’s imagination and vocabulary.

Something to put children to sleep.

Something that you forget as you grow older because reality hits you that family is crueller than those flowery words written in children’s books.

But despite everything. Despite the unorthodox ways Cale’s group acts and all the norms they break.

_____ can’t deny that they enjoy this weirdness.

Maybe in the end, _____ is the weird one.

[goldfades]

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 | delicate au, prologue

౨ৎ ─ summary | the lore for all the AU!

─ warnings | people being just rude, nothing else?

─ ev's notes | so fucking excited for this au!! please send some thoughts in if you have any!! &lt;3

joshlauriernews11 new york

Liked by user223, user478, oliviamendes and 8,884 more

joshlauriernews11 | pictures from valentine's day, looks like the love birds are fighting again february 15th, 2023

View all 234 comments

user662 | on valentines's day IS CRAZY

↳ joshlauriernews11 can't believe she was crying too 🫠

user568 | i wonder what they're fighting about wow

↳ joshlauriernews11 the article says its something to do with her tour but idk

↳ user777 i think its cus of work

user767 | the paps give them no privacy its so sad , poor baby libby :(

↳ user587 dude she literally signed up for that 😑

↳ user767 no she didn't she just wanted to make some music and yt videos pls stop dick riding josh so hard🤣

user908 | I WOULDN'T TREAT LIKE U THAT JOSH GIVE ME A CHANCE

↳ joshlauriernews11 real 😗 i hope they break up its better for everyone

user009 | this comment section was not girls girls FOR SURE jesus💀

libbytf the big apple

Liked by lhughes_06, leontf96, oliviarodrigo and 846,987 more

libbytf | ur fav duo tagged: oliviarodrigo march 10th, 2023

View all 2,328 comments Comments on this post have been limited.

oliviarodrigo | imagine losing all that 🤗

↳ libbytf imagineeeee 🥲

lhughes_06 | 🫡

↳ leontf96 shes not a cougar

↳ lhughes_06 aww damn it

luvlibbytf888 | YES QUEENNNNN 🫶🏼🫶🏼 NEW ALBUM SOON??

↳ libbyswife god pls i know what u've done for others please i need it😪

leontf96 | okay but was he 6'3 tho?

↳ lhughes_06 i am ✌🏼✌🏼

↳ libbytf no he was not 🫢

eonline

Liked by user193, user478, oliviamendes and 104,592 more

eonline | singer-songwriter libby turner-fallon and actor josh laurier have called it quits after roughly a year of dating (source: libby's newest instagram post) march 10th, 2023

View all 9,231 comments

eonline [pinned] | let's all please be respectful to everyone, they are real people with feelings!!

joshlauriernews11 | called it 💁🏻‍♀️

↳ user888 YEAH I MEAN... whos surprised??

↳ oliviamendes not me [this comment has since been deleted]

↳ user888 THE SHADE OMG

luvlibbytf888 | she deserved better anyway

↳ user892 ok...

user091 | YAYAYYAYAYAYYAYAAY

↳ joshlauriernews11 💀

user720 | i can treat u better josh 😙💘

↳ heartsforlibs3 DICK RIDERRRRRRRRRRRR🥴

↳ livelaughluvlibs | did he pick u 🦗🦗🦗🦗

user778 | wait has anyone seen that pic of libby and a new guy on twitter???

↳ user828 already... 💀

↳ user778 wait it may not be libby but it looks real

↳ user028 IT LOOKS LIKE A HOCKEY PLAYER WHOA???

[jananakookie]

Rumor Has It | pjm - Chapter 7

💬 Pairing: Jimin x OC (Reader)

💬 Genre/Tags: enemies(?) to lovers, fake-dating au; angst, fluff, smut

💬 Chapter warnings: swearing, almost? physical fight, angst, contains sexual themes! fingering, nipple play, protected sex

💬 Word count: 11.3k

💬 Recap:

Rumor has it, Park Jimin is single again after his latest girlfriend cheated on him with his best friend.

Rumor has it, he's willing to get back at them.

Rumor has it, you're the perfect means to an end.

Previous Chapter - Index - Next Chapter

short notice: Please let me know if you don't want to be tagged anymore. Since I've been away for over a year, I could really understand that. Don't wanna bother anyone!

If you're still here pls leave feedback and a reblog? x

Chapter 7: There's something in the water.

All eyes are on you as you stroll down the hallway with two cups of coffee in one hand and a paper bag with breakfast in the other, gradually trying to find your destined room while also desperately trying to block out curious gazes. 

Getting stared at is nothing new for you, but this time it feels a little more personal since you don’t think you have ever been in this part of the building before. You never really had a reason to visit the dance department until now.

Today marks another new experience because you suddenly woke up this morning with the urge to surprise Jimin and be the one to make the first step toward him instead of letting him do all the work. 

Your little heart-to-heart the other day opened your eyes and let you see him in a different light. It made you think that maybe - just maybe, he is not the enemy. Perhaps he is just some guy, trying to get along and make things easier for the both of you and maybe it is your turn to do something nice for him for a change. 

The first thing that came to your mind was surprising him with his favorite coffee (and your presence) right after practice, which is why you went to the dance department for the first time today. 

You spot Jimin in a room at the end of the hallway, after nervously walking around and praying to find him as soon as possible. It looks like he’s still going over some moves whereas most other people are already departing. But as you get closer you see that there's someone else with him. 

You don't know her name but think you've seen her around before. Was it with Nayeon? Or one of Jimin's guy friends? Wherever you saw her before, you're sure she's in Jimin's friend group whatsoever. 

From your point of view, it looks like he's showing her how to get some moves done, and you don't want to interrupt their practice session so you decide to wait at the door until they're done even if that means that you are exposed to the torture of other people's vile looks for even longer.

Today is the first time you see Jimin dance and even if your opinion is perhaps influenced by your untrained eye and therefore doesn't say much, you must admit that he's insanely talented. The way he moves makes it look so easy even though you could never do it like that.

The girl is pretty good Aparrentlytoo, but you can't take your eyes off Jimin. He has something about him that attracts people's attention. You were already aware of that before, but he seems to be having it in everything he does.

A few steps later, just as it looks like she's about to jump into his arms, she suddenly stumbles and... falls into his arms anyway, albeit not very gracefully.

Jimin's quick reflexes have probably just spared her face a collision with the ground and you are glad nothing else has happened. But after she holds on to him for just a tad bit too long and presses her face into his chest to hide her sheepish giggles, you can't help but roll your eyes in annoyance.

“Bad timing?” you almost shock yourself with how unexpectedly loud your voice echoes through the room as you stomp right in and judging by how quickly Jimin turns around to face you, with wide eyes, you’re not the only one. 

You send him a shy grin, suddenly feeling stupid for coming here unannounced and interrupting their practice when you’ve never done that before. What the heck were you thinking?

Jimin wastes no time coming over to you, wearing a big smile on his lips, but his expression still looks confused. "Am I dreaming, or did you leave your place to come visit me here," his gaze quickly wavering to your hands, "and bring me coffee?" he asks, raising a brow.

“What makes you think I’m here for you?” You sass, a little irritated, even though you can’t blame him. This is a pretty unusual situation after all. 

“Right, I’m sorry. I just assumed since I’m the one you asked if it’s bad timing, which it isn’t, by the way,” Jimin laughs.

You roll your eyes, gradually taking one of the coffee cups out of the cup carrier and holding it out for him to take, which he immediately does, smiling brightly as if you gave him a cup of gold instead. 

“Thank you, seriously. I overslept today so I didn’t get the chance to have one before class,” he tells you, quickly taking a sip from his cup and moaning in delight. “I could kiss you right now, but I'm too scared of the reason you're here so please do it quickly. Like... ripping off a Band-Aid. What happened?”

“You’re acting like I didn’t make cupcakes for you and went out of my way to even draw your face on one of them before!” You scoff, feeling a little offended. Unbelievable.

“When you tried to poison me?”

“It’s the thought that counts,” you shrug. “Nothing happened. I just wanted coffee and thought you would too. And you tend to skip breakfast when you have practice but if you don’t want it, I can-”

You’re interrupted by his hand lightly grabbing your wrist as he takes the paper bag out of your hand with a teasing smile. “Thank you, ___.”

“Don’t mention it,” you shrug, feeling shy all of a sudden, so you avoid his gaze. 

A few coughs interrupt your moment and you have to admit that you had already completely forgotten about the other person in the room with you. And Jimin had too, it seems.

You gasp as you take in the girl behind Jimin. “I'm sorry, I didn't want to disturb you guys. You can continue if you want. I'll be on my way.“ 

You don't know why you're so insecure today but you're ashamed of yourself. Of course, you wanted to interrupt them. You can't lie to yourself, even if you pray to God they won't see through you.

“Don't go. Leah and I are done here.” Jimin quickly catches your hand to keep you from leaving while his face is still turned to the girl - Leah. “I think you got it now. You just have to be careful not to give it too much momentum, then it will work just fine in the future.”

She looks like she wants to object but Jimin unknowingly doesn't even give her the chance to do so as he packs his things and you and then bids her farewell as he pulls you out of the studio.

Jimin is still holding your hand as he leads you outside. He quickly finds you both a quiet, sunny spot on the large meadow and gets comfortable while pulling you down with him. Since he still hasn't said anything yet, you assume that he doesn't see your interruption as bothersome at all which reassures you a little.

“Hey,�� Jimin whines as he pokes around in his fruit salad. “Where are all the grapes?”

You bite your lip sheepishly, shrugging as you take your phone out of your pocket. “Aw. Did they seriously forget the grapes? What a bummer,” you mumble, while you skillfully ignore his sharp gaze.

Knowing fully well why the grapes are actually missing, Jimin starts to discuss your plans for the rest of the day. 

For the opening of some new club in town, the owners will hold a big celebration tonight. Jimin has suggested that the "gang" (that's what he's been calling it lately whenever you do something together with Nayeon and Hyunjin) meet at your favorite restaurant to eat and then check it out to see if it's worth it.

You’re always on board when it’s about food and as far as you know, the others have already agreed to come and it fills you with excitement. For the first time in so long, it feels like you’re living your life again, going out with friends, eating, drinking, and having fun. That’s how it’s supposed to be. 

Well, it might not be for everyone, and that’s fine too. You enjoy the occasional lazy days at home, but you like to do things once in a while as well. And since you're fake-dating Jimin, you've been doing so much that you can't even think about your dramatic life anymore. 

You didn't even notice that a new neighbor had moved into the apartment next door. You must have looked pretty silly when he introduced himself this morning and mentioned that he'd been there all week, but this was the first time he'd met you.

“Maybe we should ask Jungkook if he wants to join,” you carefully suggest, quietly observing Jimin’s face as you sit next to him with your fingers still lazily intertwined with his. 

You see him furrow his brows almost immediately after those words leave your lips, and he turns his head to look at you. 

“I mean… because I’m sure he would want to come too but doesn’t have anyone to go with,“ you shrug.

“Lots of people from school will be there. He’ll find someone to hang out with like he always does,” Jimin voices, not very interested in your subtle suggestion. 

“What is your problem with him anyway? Why don’t you like him?” You sigh. Neither Jungkook nor anyone else has ever really answered this question for you and you don't expect a clear answer from Jimin either but are still interested in any possible reason.

“No specific explanation, I just don’t,” Jimin answers, without giving it much thought. “Pretty sure he feels the same way. We don’t match, that’s all.”

You pout, not agreeing with him in the slightest, but knowing pretty well there’s no point in arguing. 

“Maybe you should give people a chance once in a while. Who knows, you might find something that’s worth it.”

“Thanks Gandhi. You’re one to talk,” he snorts, sending a wink your way, when he sees the expression on your face. 

“I gave you a chance. That’s more than enough for the next ten years, I’d say,” you scoff, rolling your eyes. 

Jimin laughs, as he swings his arm around you. “And have you found something of worth yet?” He grins, wiggling his eyebrows. 

You gulp as you try to leave his grip, but he only holds you closer, already sensing you trying to get away. “I don’t need to answer that. Your head is big enough,” you chuckle, trying to wiggle your way out again. 

And in a moment of slight distraction, he loosens his grip, resulting in you being able to free yourself as he gasps loudly. “Wait, that means you have!”

“Never said that,” you sing song, skipping through the busy field.

Jimin takes a moment to look after you and smiles before he scoffs out a laugh and runs after you. 

Jimin was right — almost everyone and their mom came to the opening party and for the first time you are glad about Jimin's connections who have reserved a good table for your group of friends. 

While your friends enjoy their time and talk about this and that, you let your gaze wander around, admiring the beautiful, expensive-looking ambiance. It's classic but cool, chic but not snobbish. 

Whatever Nayeon has spent the past few minutes telling you appears to be funny, because suddenly everyone is laughing. Not wanting to let on that you're not listening at all, you also fake a soft laugh, but it's completely lost in the noisy surroundings.

It would probably be more polite to listen and take part in the conversation. Still, you find it incredibly difficult to concentrate on anything when Jimin's hand is far too high up your skirt to be considered appropriate. 

You're not sure exactly what it is, but something seems to be in the water today because his over-touchiness is truly on a different level. 

As always, you sit next to each other and the fact that he has his hand on your thigh is nothing new, Jimin is by no means afraid of contact. It has also happened before that he feels a little too comfortable when it comes to body contact. But today, every warning glance in his direction seems to have no effect, and you can't even count how many times you've grabbed his hand and moved it closer to your knee only for him to move it back up right after.

You don't even know if he's doing it consciously since he hasn't even given you a dirty smirk yet like he always does when he's messing with you. 

And what irritates you the most is how your own body betrays you. As much as you want to claim it, the goosebumps covering your body are not from disgust.

As a way to distract yourself from Jimin, you try to imagine which group of people this place is most likely trying to appeal to as your gaze falls on two, wildly waving arms, attached to a familiar-looking goofball.

A wide grin stretches over your lips as you wave back, which he probably mistakenly sees as an invitation to join you at your table. 

Sensing the drama, you quickly wrap yourself around Jimin’s arm and earn his attention as he gives you a questioning look. “Please be nice,” you plead, making him raise a brow in question before he sees him too.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” you hear Jimin mumble to himself.

“Hey, guys! What's up?” Jungkook greets you, not wasting a second before he plops down on the empty seat next to Nayeon’s right side, who looks nothing but confused as to why Jeon Jungkook, whom she never even exchanged a word with has spontaneously joined her group.

“You have to stop inviting yourself to events where you aren’t welcome, man,” Jimin quips, clearly referring to your birthday party and earning a light slap to his thigh from you. 

“Oh, this is your club?” Jungkook counters, not expecting an answer from Jimin. “And who says I wasn’t invited?” Jungkook grins, wiggling his brows as he tries to annoy Jimin even further - and is successful. 

Even without looking at him, you can feel his eyes burning through your skull. “Wasn’t me,” you shrug, quietly sipping your coke. 

And it wasn’t. Even though you had asked about inviting him earlier, you wouldn’t just invite someone to a friendly gathering without letting the other people involved know about it. You wouldn’t like it either if one of the others did it. 

“Nah, don’t worry, she wasn’t going behind your back,” Jungkook chuckles, coming to your rescue. “I just like to crash parties, you know that already. One of my hobbies.”

“How about you go crash it at another table then?” Jimin suggests, sounding overly friendly even though his words suggest everything but kindness. Jungkook doesn’t seem to care. 

But you do. And you’re just about to argue with Jimi about his rude behavior when Hyunjin speaks up first. “Why bother? We have enough space here, you can join if you want. Right, guys?” 

He appears sincere, and you're relieved that at least someone here was brought up with good manners when Nayeon also speaks up. 

“Sure! The more the merrier, I guess,” she smiles brightly, offering him her hand to shake, which he does. 

But Jimin is displeased and he makes anything but a secret of it. Jungkook can sense it too, and even if he likes to get on the older guy's nerves because it’s fun, he doesn’t want you to fight because of him. So he lies and says he has someone waiting for him at a different table before he bids everyone a quick goodbye and leaves again. 

“So the rumors are true,” Hyunjin states, as soon as Jungkook has left around the corner and is nowhere to be seen. You can already feel Jimin tensing up beside you and you feel your heart sink already. 

“You and Jeon actually know each other?” 

You try to hear a condemning tone in his voice but breathe a sigh of relief when you don’t. There’s no judgment. Instead, he sounds and looks surprised.

“They do know each other. Everything else is not true.” Jimin takes it upon himself to answer his friend, not missing the chance to send a daring look his way. 

Hyunjin innocently lifts his hands, trying to show that he didn’t mean to sound judgmental, even if you didn’t think he meant it in a bad way. 

“It’s fine, you can ask me anything,” you smile, trying to tell him that he did nothing wrong. “I’d rather you ask me stuff instead of believing something that isn’t true.”

“He seems nice,” Nayeon chimes in, offering you a kind smile. “He should join us sometime.”

You would agree, but knowing it would upset Jimin, you don’t further argue about it and instead replace the topic of Jungkook with another one. 

About an hour later you find yourself alone in the middle of the long hall that holds the restrooms after you went there with Nayeon. The problem is that you somehow lost her on your way out and now she is nowhere to be seen.

You anxiously look around, full of worry about what might have happened, when you finally see her just a few meters behind you. You breathe out a sigh of relief when you realize she's just chatting with a cute guy. 

She doesn't look annoyed or worried at all. Instead, she seems interested, if you interpret her body language and flirty looks correctly, so you decide to give her some privacy and not disturb her, but stay close by to jump in at any time if you need to.

“Bit creepy, don’t you think?” A voice appears right next to your ear, making you twitch in sudden fright. 

“Jesus Christ, Jeon. Stop appearing out of nowhere, you freak!”

“It was too tempting.“ He looks like a supermodel as he leans against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes squinted shut while he laughs at your frightened state.

“Anyway, why are you spying on Lee Nayeon? I thought we hated her 'cause she treated you like shit,” he asks, taking his eyes off you and frowns at Nayeon instead when he says that. 

“First of all, we?” you raise a brow, sending him a questioning look, “second of all, we made up ages ago. Please keep up with the reality drama show that is my life. Thank you.”

“How am I supposed to do that if you never tell me anything?” 

You sigh, copying his theatrical expression. “Why did you leave earlier?” You then change the topic while stealing glances at Nayeon every once in a while.

“Really?” Jungkook scoffs. “I think your boyfriend had a problem with me being there.”

You can’t help but grin wildly while crossing your arms over your chest. “Are you scared of him?”

You see him opening his mouth, but before he can answer, Jimin comes walking around the corner at a fast pace, surprising the two of you.

“I should have known you were behind this,” he grunts, looking at Jungkook. 

“What did I do now?” Jungkook sighs, rolling his eyes.

“Do you need to buzz around her like a fly all the time? It’s starting to get pathetic, Jeon.”

You can see that Jungkook is about to lose his temper, which implies that Jimin is slowly but surely getting on his nerves a little too much. However, this brief flash in Jungkook's eyes disappears as quickly as it appeared. Instead, a grin of satisfaction spreads across his lips.

“What are you so scared of? She isn’t even your real girlfriend.” 

If his expression is anything to go by, Jungkook appears to be just as shocked by his slip-up as Jimin is. Even though you never explicitly mentioned it, he knows he wasn't supposed to tell Jimin about being aware of your plan. But looks like he couldn't resist exposing Jimin without considering the consequences.

Before any more things are said that are better kept quiet, you step in and tell Jungkook that he should leave. You prepare yourself for the inevitable confrontation with Jimin that awaits you as soon as you turn to face him.

“You told Jeon about us?!” Jimin is attempting to lower his voice to avoid attracting unwanted listeners, but the bulging vein on his neck reveals his current rage.

“Calm down,” you hiss, putting your hands against his chest. “He has known from the start. He wasn’t going to believe me anyway, trust me,” you explain, watching the frown on his face turn deeper.

“Well, thank you very much, ___,” Jimin pouts, making you roll your eyes. 

“What? It’s no secret that we don’t like each other that much. If we would, it wouldn’t be so hard for us to make other people believe us.”

It looks like Jimin wants to argue about that but he decides against it, biting his lip instead as he glares at the cup in his hands.

“You don’t have to worry about anything. He won’t tell on us.”

“How do you know that?” He exclaims, wildly flaring his hands around. “You don’t know him, ___. Nobody fucking knows him! We never know where he goes when he suddenly disappears for days! He’s a fucking ninja!”

“I know enough to be sure he will keep our secret, trust me.”

“Yea no, thank you. I already made that mistake once,” he hisses, turning to leave again but you stop him, quickly grabbing his hand.

“Come on don't be mad at me,” you sigh, tugging on his hand to keep him from leaving you there. “I’m sorry, Jimin, I didn’t mean to upset you. Please don’t be mad at me,” you plead, trying your best to prevent another fight between you both. You do feel bad because even if you don’t know the exact reason for all this, you know, that it means a lot to him and you don’t wanna fuck it up the way you seem to fuck everything else up. 

“It’s not like I told him so we can joke about you behind your back or make you look stupid. That’s not the case. He just figured it out immediately. But he hasn’t told anyone, and he isn’t going to, I swear.”

Jimin takes a moment before he gives you an answer, deeply studying your face as if he’s looking for any indication that you’re lying to him. “Is that also why he’s always around?”

“I mean he’s kinda strange. He spawns whenever to be honest,” you shrug, “but he does try to look out for me, I think. He says he doesn’t trust your intentions.” 

Something between a scoff and a laugh comes between Jimin’s lips when he hears you say that but contrary to your expectation, he doesn’t comment on it. 

Wherever Jimin goes, he sees them strutting around like royalty, holding their heads high, as if they haven't done anything wrong. It's as if they hadn't betrayed their childhood friends and partners, as if it was nothing. They act like they haven't taken advantage of you without your knowledge and made you look ridiculous in front of the entire school.

They walk around as if nothing happened and they have the nerve to even look at him and greet him. Even if it’s just from afar. And what’s even worse is that no one other than the people involved seems to remember or, well, care. It makes Jimin’s blood boil.

He doesn’t deserve that. Nayeon doesn’t deserve that. YOU do not deserve that.

How little shame can two people have?

Jimin can’t help but glare at them until they get swallowed by the crowd and are no longer in his sight after what feels like an eternity. It takes a lot for him to calm down again but when he sees you and Nayeon dancing together, having fun, and not caring about anything else, it makes him feel even worse about himself. 

He doesn’t want to be the only one stuck in the past. It’s not like he wants to think about them anyway but it’s hard for him to move on from all of this when it’s just so… unresolved. 

How come they get away with everything without having to pay for anything they did?

Completely lost in his head and frowning down into his drink, he doesn’t see you creeping up to him until he feels your arms wrap around him from behind. “Why aren’t you having fun?” 

The feeling of your breath right next to his ear sends shivers down his spine and he doesn’t even have to look into your glassy eyes to know you’re already enjoying yourself. 

You’re not drunk, but it’s safe to say you’ve had a couple of drinks by now because you’re never this touchy when it comes to him - not that he’s complaining now. 

“Who says I’m not?”

“Hm, I don’t know…” You squint your eyes, pursing your lips slightly as you study him. “The frown between your eyes, your clenched jaw, or the way you hold your glass so tightly your knuckles don't contain even a drop of blood anymore. Choose one.” 

“Nothing escapes your otherworldly instincts I’m afraid,” Jimin sighs dramatically as he takes your hand in his and reverses your position until you're pressed to his chest with his free arm around your back, making you suck in a breath from surprise. “But maybe I’m just jealous you spend all your time with Nayeon and not with me, babygirl.”

“Very funny,” you huff, desperately trying to hide how flustered his words make you. “But if you insist,” you smirk, letting your hands teasingly wander up his chest until you intertwine them around his shoulders. “I’ll spend it with you from now on.” You see him gulp and it makes your heart skip a beat from satisfaction — two can play this game, Park. 

“I know you think this is you getting the upper hand, but what if this is exactly what I want?” 

“Honestly, wouldn’t surprise me since you’re joking about getting in my pants ever since we met,” you feign a grin.

“How can you still think I’m joking?” He smirks, slowly leaning forward to slightly press a kiss behind your ear.

It takes a lot from you not to make a sound and you’re just about to push him off of you when something in the corner catches your eyes, making a fictional lightbulb appear above your head.

“Kiss me,” you say, placing one hand under his chin to make him look at you.

The sudden look of confusion on his face quickly turns into a pleased expression as he tightens his arms around your waist even more, leans in, and starts kissing you. 

When his lips first touch yours, they feel soft and so familiar that it's as if you've been transported back in time. The last time he kissed you, you were drunk out of your mind, but it seems like you haven't forgotten the way his lips feel on yours. 

The kiss gets heated very quickly when he lets his tongue slip in between your lips to find yours. One of his hands moves to the back of your neck to tilt your head towards him and grant him more access, eliciting a breathless moan from you.

He kisses you deep like that for what feels like a small eternity, letting his tongue fight with yours before he breaks it again. You didn't even realize how urgently you need to catch your breath until his lips only hover above yours.

“Happy?” Jimin asks hoarsely, smiling down at you.

You nod before you clear your throat in desperate need to get your pathetic self together and find your voice again.

“Yeah… I'd say that was a success,” you say, biting your lower lip as he raises an eyebrow.

“Yeji was walking in so I asked you to kiss me to make her jealous and it worked because she left when she saw us kissing and she looked pissed,” you ramble, a little surprised when you see his confident smile slowly fade. 

“Oh.”, he rasps. “Right, uhm...” 

Jimin slowly lets go of you and returns to his earlier spot beside you. You cannot help but notice a slight difference in his behavior compared to earlier. 

“What’s wrong?” You ask, trying to make him look at you but he’s frowning down at the floor again, not even turning his head in your direction.

“That’s… That’s still the plan, right?” You don’t even know why you’re asking such dumb questions. It is still the plan of course and yet, you feel like you have to apologize for faking a supposed intimate moment with him.

“Yes,” he quips, looking at you for a millisecond before he clears his throat. “I need to use the restroom.” 

And with that, he’s gone and you feel like the biggest idiot. You should have told him about your real intentions when you asked him to kiss you because now it feels like you lead him on and you feel dumb about feeling like that when you shouldn’t because that’s the only reason you should be asking him to kiss you anyway isn’t it? And ugh, when did things get so complicated?

“Everything okay?” Nayeon asks as she comes walking to you. “Where did he go?”

“Oh yeah, he just needed to use the restroom,” you say, trying to muster up a smile which seems to be enough for her to let it go for now. You’re trying not to let it show how much his sudden behavior confuses you as well.

“I know I say it all the damn time but I love the two of you together so much,” Nayeon gushes, making you cringe internally. You send her the fakest smile ever, but she doesn’t even notice. 

“He seems so much more like himself when you’re around.” 

Nayeon is sweet but what is that even supposed to mean? 

"He's just so much more...” 

“Horny?” 

Nayeon gasps, giving your arm a light slap before you both fall into fits of laughter. 

“No, ___, not horny. He’s calmer. More relaxed. He lets go of this golden boy image in your presence. It’s nice to see because that was never really him anyway. It’s just that… he sometimes tries too hard, you know? And it’s a shame because he’s already pretty cool the way he is.”

You find yourself listening intently when she explains and you think you can agree with some of that. 

From what you’ve known so far, Jimin is someone with a big ego and plenty of confidence. However, it seems like he's a different person every time he interacts within his social circles. As if he always has to try not to lose his position. He's different when it's just your little group. And you wonder if it has anything to do with what he told you a while ago. That all these people, all his contacts are nothing but a facade. That he has close to no real friends.

That's probably the saddest thing he's ever told you about himself and yet you just accepted it and never really gave it a second thought.

"Well, anyway, whatever you're doing, you're doing great. Thank you," Nayeon gives you a warm smile before she shifts her attention to something else.

You think about her words for a while, but the longer you do, the worse you feel. You do not deserve her praise in the slightest.

You’re the worst fake girlfriend ever.

This night did not turn out the way Jimin wanted it to. It was supposed to be a nice night out with a couple of friends to have fun and make some good memories. He thought it was more than necessary for all of you but perhaps he shouldn't have set his expectations too high. Now he’s in a bad mood, sitting on a brick wall right outside the club and getting drunk on his own.

He knows he can't stay here for much longer, knowing that you will probably be looking for him soon. He has also promised not to leave you alone anymore, and yet here he is. The only thing that reassures him is that Nayeon is with you, which is why he's not in such a hurry right now. He just needed a moment to think. One moment to come clean with himself. And the best way to achieve that is probably not by getting drunk alone, but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.

A lot is happening tonight, and right now, he doesn’t have a healthier way of coping with the mess inside his head, so this will have to do.

He isn’t even one hundred percent sure why he’s in such a sour mood all of a sudden but he blames it on all the little inconveniences he has encountered throughout the night. 

First Jeon appears out of nowhere — again, then he finds out that you told Jeon about your deal ages ago, he is once again being forced to see Taehyung and Yeji and if that wasn’t enough already, you only let him kiss you to make Yeji jealous. 

The last point shouldn't be a problem. He's aware of that. After all, you're just trying to help him and keep this stupid deal without crossing any boundaries which you are so persistent on. But he can’t help but feel so stupid for not realizing it at the time and thinking you wanted him to kiss you when you’ve made it more than clear multiple times that that’s not something you’re interested in. 

Yes, your dynamics have undoubtedly changed, and you are much more open to spontaneous flirting and subtle touches these days, but your fundamental attitude toward the whole thing is still the same, and Jimin accepts that. He would never want you to be uncomfortable or anything. 

A group of very loud people interrupts his sulking but he doesn’t find it in himself to even look up from his half-empty bottle of— what was it again? He doesn’t remember what he got but hey, it’s a sign that it’s working, right?

“Woah hey buddy, you alright?” It is the voice that suddenly arouses his interest after all. “Why are you out here by yourself Jimin? Where is your girl?” 

Jimin's head jerks up as soon as he hears the voice of the person addressing him directly. He wants to see if he is dreaming or if the person he believes is really standing in front of him but the movement is perhaps a little too fast for him in his current state because everything starts to turn at that very moment and he can’t see straight.

Fortunately, it doesn't take long before everything stops spinning and his eyes manage to focus again, landing on a stupidly smirking Taehyung.

And suddenly Jimin can feel his anger in his whole body as he knocks his opponent's hand off his shoulder. “Don’t touch me. What the fuck are you doing?”

He may be a little tipsy right now but he’s in his senses enough to bring as much space as possible between him and this lying, cheating bastard.

“I’m just trying to help,” Taehyung says, adding a small unnecessary scoff at the end which doesn’t rub Jimin the right way. 

“I don't need your help, you've done enough already,” he quips, glaring at Taehyung. "I can't believe you even dare to talk to me. You should be ashamed of yourself."

Taehyung looks annoyed and not even remotely interested in having this conversation when he rolls his eyes disrespectfully.

"Look, I understand what I did wasn't great, and you have every right to be mad. But don't you think you're being a bit dramatic? It's been months, Jimin, and you still refuse to talk to me. You won't even acknowledge me."

Jimin scoffs out a laugh, taken aback by what Taehyung just said.“Even if it had been years, I’d still not talk to you!” Jimin’s anger grows with every passing second, his feet bringing him closer to his ex-best friend without him even noticing. No doubt the alcohol is playing a part in the way he struggles with calming himself down right now but Taehyung’s sole appearance and the way he tries to make him look like the bad guy is pissing him off. "You've got some nerve coming up to me and acting as if nothing happened."

“You should learn to let things go man.”

Taehyung barely finishes his sentence before Jimin shoves him hard, making him stumble back a couple of steps. The stupid look on his face alone was worth it.

“Maybe you should learn to own up to your mistakes and keep other people’s names out of your mouth.”

Another hard push to Taehyung’s chest made him stumble back into one of his friends. Taehyung pushes back and italmost escalates until someone suddenly intervenes and pulls Jimin out of the conflict by standing between them.

Jimin glares at Taehyung, breathing heavily in anger as he is gently pushed further back to create some space.

“There’s no need to do this here right now, Jimin. Especially when you’re in this state,” a calm voice directed at him tries to appease him.

Even though his eyes only alternate between Taehyung and Yeji, Jimin knows that it's Jungkook, who is trying to mediate. But he doesn't have the head or the attention to think about why it's him of all people who stops him from doing something inevitably stupid right now.

He ignores Jungkook, completely captivated by how Taehyung steps closer again, despite Yeji grabbing his arm to try and keep him from it. 

“If you have something to say then fucking do it. Or tuck tail and let others sort it out for you like you always do.”

“He’s just trying to rile you up. Don’t stoop to his level.“ Jungkook gives Jimin another nudge, hoping he’ll listen and remove himself from the situation. “Come on, let’s find ___.” 

“Yeah, better listen to your girlfriend’s boyfriend.” Taehyung snickers, his posture toughening up when he hears approving laughter from his friends.

This time, Jimin is ready to wipe the smirk off of his face for good, but Jungkook beats him to it, his eyes full of bottled-up anger.

“You’re one to talk. Don’t you have one of your hookups waiting for you? The one from last week is somewhere around here. I saw her earlier.” Jungkook clips, clearly irritated as well before successfully turning Jimin away from him.

The last thing Jimin sees is a fuming Yeji going at a dumbfounded Taehyung before Jungkook leads him around a corner. 

“I just made that up,” Jungkook admits with his jaw still clenched. “Gave him some of his own medicine. Looks like his girlfriend doesn’t trust him that much,” he adds, a sheepish chuckle leaving his lips.

Although still quite agitated, Jimin can’t help but grin at that. “He deserved it.”

“He did.”

He is considering what to say next, feeling awkward in Jungkook's presence now that he stood up for him when he didn't have to. Normally, he would think that Jungkook would have been happy to watch this fight escalate, but instead, he mediated and even took his side. 

Jimin knows Jungkook didn't do it for him but for your sake. He's still pleasantly surprised by Jungkook's unexpected actions, especially since Jimin never has anything nice to say to the younger guy.

Fortunately for him, Nayeon suddenly pops up, followed by you, interrupting the uncomfortable atmosphere.

“Oh my God, are you okay?” Nayeon is the first to reach him. You're holding back a little, but the look in your eyes reveals that you're also worried. “Some people were saying you and Taehyung got into a fight. We were looking for you.”

“Ah, Taehyung was just trying to start something. Don’t worry though, nothing happened,” Jungkook explains before Jimin gets to say anything. 

While Nayeon refuses to accept this answer and asks Jimin for further details, Jungkook leans down towards you. “Take him home. I think it’s better we bring as much space between them as we can and something tells me Taehyung isn’t gonna leave soon.”

You know there's more to it than just Taehyung trying to start something, but you decide not to pester the boys anymore. You don't feel like partying anymore anyway, so you give him a silent nod and walk towards Jimin, who gives you a surprised look when you suddenly take his hand. “Let’s go home, yeah? I don’t feel like staying here any longer.”

Remembering how you two parted earlier, you're not sure how he'll react, which makes you a little uneasy. Luckily for you, a slight smile creeps onto Jimin's lips and you feel him squeeze your hand lightly as he nods in agreement.

The rest of the group agrees to leave as well. Eventually, you all find yourselves in a cab about twenty minutes later.

The last thirty-ish minutes have sobered him up, but something in you doesn't feel comfortable leaving Jimin alone, so you quickly decide for him that you only have one stop, which doesn't appear to bother him, although he seems quite surprised. 

You can't blame him. Not so long ago, you wouldn't have expected that you would voluntarily spend more time with him than necessary. Yet, here you are, inviting him to stay the night at yours.

He still hasn't said much to you - he hasn't said much in general since you left the club and it's hard to tell if it's because of you or if he just doesn't feel like it right now. 

He already lays comfortably in your bed when you come out of the bathroom. Part of you wants to complain about his audacity and condemn him to the couch. But in the end, you've already crossed that line before. Your bed is big enough to prevent discomfort, while your couch is sometimes too uncomfortable even to sit on.

So you don’t say anything while you climb into the space next to him. 

You lie there in silence, pondering what you should do before you finally take the initiative and break it with a silent whisper. “Are you okay?”

A long sigh leaves Jimin’s lips as he drives his hands through his face. “No, I’m an idiot.”

“Hey, it’s not like that’s news,” you grin, trying to make him smile but unlike usual, your bickering does not stir anything in him so you feel a little stupid for trying to lift the spirit like that when he’s obviously not in the mood. “I know you're not particularly into that, but do you want to tell me about it? I promise I can be serious when I need to be.”

He doesn’t reply for a while which you take as him not being interested. You know that as an emotional cripple yourself, you have no right to but it still makes you mad that he always refuses to open up about the stuff that went down when it bothers him.

“Yeji hurt you with what she did. I know you try to deny it and act like you don’t care whenever someone talks to you about it but you cared about her. And what she did, hurt you. I don’t know why you won’t admit it and if everyone juststraight up chooses to believe your bullshit then that’s on them but I can see right through that act.” 

You feel your fist grip your blanket in frustration when he still refuses to say anything and you huff in annoyance. “You can't even look at her and go almost manic every time someone even mentions her or Taehyung's name.”

You sigh. It’s not your intention to force him to talk to you, of course. But he must know he can confide in you. You have already figured him out anyway. “I’m mad too but it’s not healthy to keep all that in, trust me.“

“She broke my heart.” His voice is quiet, and you might have missed it if you weren’t lying there in complete silence. Still, it holds so much pain that it almost makes you wince as you turn your head, trying to see the expression on his face. His eyes stare right at the ceiling, brows creased slightly as he scoffs. “You’re right I never talk to anyone about it. And I hate to admit it but she did break my heart.”

“Because you loved her,” you whisper understandingly, turning your head to look straight at the ceiling once more.

“At one point I did. Not in the end anymore though. She broke my heart but I’m not talking about the cheating stuff.”

You don’t quite understand, and you’re just about to ask what he means when you hear his voice again. 

“It happened over a long period,” he rasps. “I was really in love with her in the beginning, but she changed. Or maybe I changed. Things changed. I don’t know.” He says, furrowing his brows, unpleased that he struggles to name it. “We hadn’t been close for a while when it happened, at least emotionally. I know she felt it just as much as I did, and maybe I’m to blame too for not breaking up with her as soon as I felt… close to nothing.”

“She could’ve broken up with you too. Lots of couples go through that at some point. It doesn’t justify cheating,” you argue, feeling yourself get worked up at him saying that before you remind yourself that it’s not the right moment for that. You don’t think that’s what Jimin needs or wants to hear right now. “At least that’s what I think.” 

“Anyway, it doesn't matter much, considering our relationship was pretty much over. Don't get me wrong, I am mad at her too. But Taehyung is the one who broke my heart this time,“ he then sighs. “I just don't get it.“ 

The frustration in his voice is clearly audible, and even if you've never experienced this exact situation, you know what it feels like to be betrayed by someone you used to trust.

“We grew up together. I used to tell him everything, he knew about my problems with Yeji. I wanted to save my relationship. He listened to me, comforted me, and gave me advice. All that while secretly having an affair with her behind my back?“ He sounds genuinely crushed while telling you all that.

“Who does that, ___?“

You have a lot of suitable terms for such people, but you know he doesn't expect an answer, at least not one like that. Since you've known him, he's already called Taehyung every insult under the sun himself, so that isn't what he needs.

“There are so many questions left unanswered in my head. Has he always been like this? If not, when did he change? If yes, why did I never notice anything? Was I like this as well and only noticed now because it's affecting me for the first time?“

It's the last question that really troubles him. You can see that right away.

“Some people are good at only showing you the sides of themselves that they want you to know. That doesn't necessarily make you simple-minded or blind. It just makes them good manipulators,“ you try to explain as best as you can. “Take it from someone who started with the worst opinion of you and has put up with your cocky ass every day since - you're a lot of things, Park Jimin, but you're not like that.“

Even though you didn't say much, his shaky exhale shows how much weight your words carry for him.

A couple of moments pass in silence between you two and you almost think he has fallen asleep when you feel the warmth of his hand engulfing your own.

“Thank you.” His words pass as a whisper. “For having my back in this.” 

Even in the dim light emitting from your bedside lamp, you can see the sincerity in his eyes as he gifts you a grateful smile and you can’t help but join in as you give his hand a slight squeeze. “Of course. As your fake girlfriend, that's kind of my job,” you reason, not thinking much of it.

His brows crease. “Yes. Your job,” he mutters.

He doesn’t say anything after that and neither do you but you still can't switch off. There's still something that keeps you awake. It’s an intrusive thought for sure and you’d be damned to give into that, but it won’t let you rest. 

You can't see from your position right now whether he's still awake or not, and you're too nervous to check. But you don't think you can sleep if you leave it as it is. 

“Jimin?” you whisper. Your teeth dig into your lower lip in agony.

You hope he doesn't hear you — or that maybe he's already asleep. You tried and that should be enough to silence your thoughts. After all, it's not as if you can just wake him up—

“Yes?”

Not only is he not sleeping yet, he sounds as awake as you feel. You nervously nibble on your bottom lip for a moment while you try to weigh up what you're about to do. 

You can feel his questioning gaze on you even before you lift your head, but it is ten times more penetrating the momentyour eyes meet. He is lying on his back with his head turned towards you, dark eyes looking up at you expectantly.

The little bedside lamp doesn't exactly provide a lot of light, but it's just enough for you to see the outline of his face. You carefully lift your hand and place it on his cheek before leaning forward without a comment. Out of uncertainty, you stop in front of his face and reconsider as your lips hover over his for a second. 

He must know by now what your intention is and even though he is anticipating your next move, he isn't moving a muscle, once again not wanting to accidentally rush you into anything you might not want.

You can feel his breath on your lips and figure that if you've already come this far anyway, there's no point in turning back now so you quietly close the gap and let your lips meet in a gentle kiss. 

Despite the circumstances of neither one of you being drunk or in public right now, it doesn’t feel awkward at all. It's quite the opposite. 

It goes against both, your principles and your ego to be the one to orchestrate a kiss, especially if it's a kiss that has no meaning in the course of your deal. And even though you feel the heat shooting into your cheeks and the tips of your ears, you don't care.

At first, your shared kiss is sweet and innocent, completely different from the one before, but no less breathtaking - literally. He lets you take the lead but kisses you back just as eagerly. 

His lips fit perfectly with yours and at some point, you completely lose track of time and instead lose yourself in your kiss.

You don't know how much time passes, but you are the one who eventually breaks away from him. Or at least you try to, but you only have a momentary chance to catch your breath because Jimin isn't having it, quickly lifting himself up and using his right elbow to keep himself upright while his other hand finds its place at the back of your neck to glide you back into him. 

His lips are back on yours in no time, your kiss turning more eager now that he’s taking control and it’s not long after that you feel his tongue on your bottom lip, asking for entrance. You grant him and in no time, your kiss that was so innocent just a minute ago turns into a full-on make-out session in your bed. 

It gives you flashbacks of the night at the bonfire. The only difference is that neither of you is drunk this time. A small but possibly significant difference depending on how far you’re willing to take it this time.

You’re already too far gone when the next thing you notice is how he swaps your positions in a simple move, making you the one lying underneath him.

Originally it was supposed to be nothing more than a simple kiss. It felt like the right thing to do after the awful night and the little heart-to-heart you two had but now that he has you under him it doesn’t feel that bad at all…

He’s letting his hand wander all over your curves and the moment you move yours just a little from around his neck is when you notice he’s not even wearing a shirt.

The little fucker snuck into your bed without having the decency to at least wear something. Although, since you practically forced him to spend the night with you without him having any clothes here, you can’t judge him for that.

He lets his hands wander under your shirt, when he realizes you're not backing down. The tips of his fingers leave hot trails on your skin, his own skin burning under your touch as you glide your hands down his chest.

Your fingertips linger at the level of his navel for a while, anxious to go lower only to be rejected again. You don’t think you can endure that humiliation again, especially not while being sober.

But any doubts are gone the moment he takes the initiative and bucks his hips into you, immediately making you moan in pleasure when you feel yourself getting more aroused. 

It's not enough for you though and you feel yourself getting more eager by every passing second. You eagerly let your hips sway and press your center against his crotch, moaning as you rub against him.

His hands grab your thighs, fingers digging into your flesh so hard you think he might leave bruises as he tries to bring you even closer. 

Since everything seems to move too slowly for your liking, you’re just about to take your top off, when he suddenly untangles himself from you with a low curse.

“You’re not doing this out of pity, are you?” 

His voice doesn't sound judgmental or disappointed in any way, but it's unmistakably important to him that whatever happens, happens because you want it to.

Still in a daze, you need to find your words so you only shake your head. And you don’t even have the time to wait for his reaction before you’re chasing his lips again. Unfortunately, it does not suffice for more than a short peck before he breaks away again, even making a desperate whine escape you.

You don't even manage to be ashamed of how obviously you want him when the way he looks at you right now tells you he feels the same way.

He chews his lip while his eyes pierce you, looking for even the smallest detail that you might not be in your right mind but not able to find anything.

So he slowly inches closer again, captivated by the the way you let your tongue glide over your lips to wet them and he smirks. 

“And you’re not going to pretend you don’t remember anything tomorrow morning?”

You roll your eyes, annoyed he can’t stop teasing you about that incident but not in the mood for any more bickering when he could do so much more with that mouth of his.

“Depends on whether you make it worth remembering,” you smirk.

It was meant as a joke, but it probably came across more as a challenge the way his eyes darken at your words. And it gets you excited. 

He gets to it immediately, finally taking off your top in a hurry and locking your lips again in a heated kiss as his hands wander further down to take the rest of your clothes off. 

You are now lying completely naked underneath him, which makes your heart beat a little faster. As if he senses your nervousness, he takes it slow, trailing his kisses from the corner of your mouth to your cheek and further down to your neck where he lets his tongue run over your skin in a gentle circle that has your eyes roll back into your head. 

But there's still something in the back of your mind that won't let you relax completely, and you need to get it off your chest.

“It doesn’t have to mean anything, yeah?”

“Of course not,” he rasps in between light nips to your neck that would have you weak in your knees if you weren’t already lying down.

It seems like this confirmation is the last thing you need, to let go completely, with no second-guessing thoughts left. Jimin seems to notice too, feeling how your body melts against his when he lets his kisses trail further down your neck to your chest. 

“Man, you’re gorgeous.”

Him praising you like that makes your stomach flip, but it also raises a few new concerns. Since you need to keep your relationship as platonic as possible, compliments that affect you like that are dangerous territory. To avoid spoiling the atmosphere, you remain silent, hoping things will stay that way.

Jimin starts gently. He places kisses around one of your hardened nubs before taking it into his mouth, sucking and nibbling until you respond with a breathless moan. He then moves on to the other one, repeating his actions until he’ssatisfied with your reaction. 

You’re trembling at this point, squirming beneath him to try and get any kind of friction against the heat between your legs - the only part of your body he hasn’t touched yet. 

The little whines and moans that escape your throat intensify when his hand replaces his mouth on your breast, squeezing it while his other hand slowly wanders down your body. He begins with just two fingers pressing down your soaked center. 

Jimin is considerate and gentle, allowing you time to relax and become accustomed to his touch. However, he also gets straight to the point and fortunately does not attempt to tease you initially and you're very grateful for that. 

His thumb brushes over your clit in slow circles finally releasing some of the pressure that has built up by now, letting your moans intensify with every stroke as you feel his pointer and middle finger circle your entrance. 

Feeling how ready you are to take not one but two fingers without much preparatory work, he stops, raising a questioning eyebrow with a mischievous glint in his eyes. But you interrupt him before he has the chance to comment on it.

“Don’t open your mouth and ruin it,“ you warn.

Jimin lets out a breathy laugh, swallows whatever he was about to say, and then dives back into kissing you hard while pushing them in, in one swift motion, making you moan from the surprise and the pleasure engulfing you all at once.

He moves them in and out a couple of times, picking up the pace as he does so all while letting his thumb take care of your aking nub.

Your hips begin to roll upwards, trying to fulfill the need to feel as much of him as possible. You don't even care anymore about how desperate you come off as long as he gives you what you need. And it's not like he isn't affected at all. 

His teeth dig so hard into his lower lip that he might just be drawing blood by now while his eyes wander over your entire body in a desperate attempt to burn this image so deeply into his brain that he will never forget it again. 

He takes a moment to watch his fingers glide in and out of you, wandering up higher over your smooth stomach up to your perfectly shaped breasts pushing up whenever you arch your back to meet his thrusts, and finally your contorted face. Eyes closed, lips parted, allowing every little moan to escape, just how he likes it.

He dives back in to kiss you again, capturing all the beautiful sounds you make along the way. But he doesn't have the chance to enjoy it for long when you break the kiss soon after.

“I'm ready now,“ you gasp.

Jimin eagerly nods, jumping out of bed to clumsily remove his boxers and get something from his jeans. You don't have to ask him to know what he's getting, but you still can't help but wonder...

“You came prepared?” 

He only looks over at you briefly before concentrating on opening the pack and putting on the condom, very careful not to keep you waiting for too long.

“I always come prepared,“ he affirms. “The way you're always hitting on me… phew,” he jokes, rolling his eyes before he sends a wink your way.

You almost regret letting it get this far in the first place, and you're afraid you'll backtrack if his mouth isn't busy with you again soon and more words come out.

“Just make it quick. I’m losing more and more interest the longer I hear you talk.”

You hear him laugh, but just a blink of an eye later, he's back, and he doesn't let a moment pass before he eagerly kisses you again, his thumb lightly pressing your clit again. A moan escapes your throat before you can suppress it, and he uses it to dip his tongue inside, brushing it against yours.

Not wasting any time, he nudges your thighs apart and positions himself between your legs, guiding his cock up and down your slit a few times until he positions it right at your slick opening.  

“Do you need me to prep you some more or are you good?“ he groans, feeling the warmth of your heat consume him.

“Yea, yea, just put it in,“ you whisper hurriedly, physically and mentally unable to wait any longer.

“Wow, could you be any more romantic?“ Jimin chuckles, a playful pout forming on his lips, mischief shining in his eyes. 

“I don’t want romance. I want you inside of me.“ 

“I’m sensitive, baby, I need to be charmed. Say please?“ He grins childishly, knowing exactly what he's doing.

Oh, he's having so much fun right now, although he knows you're going to make him pay for that one way or another. But he can't help it.

Not only does it turn him on like crazy, but seeing you be so desperate for him is something he knows will never happen again so he needs to enjoy it as much as he can.

“Jimin,“ you whine, partly upset and partly frantic, as he hums in acknowledgment.

The way his cock is sliding with ease through your folds while he waits for you to give in is taking a toll on him too. He is good at restraint and self-control and it would be more than embarrassing to be the first to give in in this game he has started but he might just need to if you don't soon.

You sigh, fists clenching your sheets for all the wrong reasons. Why is this man always like this in such inappropriate situations?

Clenching your jaw you look at him with the deepest scowl while mustering the sweetest voice possible. “Jimin, please please please fuck me. I need you and I can’t wait any longer, please.“

And that's all it takes for him to crumble completely. “Good girl. How could I say no to that.“

Once more, he positions himself right at your entrance and starts moving his hips forward. Anytime but now, you'd be embarrassed by how easily he's able to slide in, but your head is empty, mind numb the moment he's finally fully inside, filling you up.

You don't need time to adapt and that's probably clear to both of you, because the very next moment he starts pumping in and out with such hard and fast movements, you almost see stars. You push your hips up against him, trying to meet his thrusts, your hands clinging tightly to his arms while moan after moan escapes your lips.

There's not a single thought in your head. His rough moans fill your ears as he momentarily slows his strokes to a sensual grind as he leans down to suck on your nipples, causing you to throw your head back, completely overwhelmed with pleasure. 

He talks a lot of pretentious bullshit but when it comes to this, you must admit he has the goods to back it up.

You feel yourself getting closer with every delicious stroke he gives you, the tip of his cock reaching the perfect spot again and again. But you need more.

“Harder,“ you pant, digging your nails deeper into the flesh of his arms. 

Jimin hears you loud and clear, following your instructions almost a bit too eagerly which suggests that he needs it just as much. Still fully inside you, he gently lets his hands brush down to your knees grabs the back of your knees, and pushes your legs upwards. 

The new angle allows his cock to reach even deeper, making the both of you moan when he picks up speed again. One of his hands is gripping your thigh tightly, surely leaving bruises, while he moves the other down to your clit, teasing it while he pounds into you as hard as he can.

“Goddamn,“ he gasps while he watches you squirm under him. There is little in life that Jimin takes so seriously. But even though there are more than enough opportunities to tease you verbally right now, he can't concentrate on anything but eliciting more of those needy moans from you.

He's close as well. Luckily for him, it only takes a few more thrusts and he feels you tighten around him. As a response, he rubs your clit faster which eventually pushes you over the edge as more and more loud, whiny moans just spill out of you.

Your pussy lazily pulsating around his cock while you slowly come down is what it takes for him to let go as well. He feels his balls tighten instantly before his dick finally blows, making him tumble over and groan into the crook of your neck. 

You don't stay like this for long, only waiting for you both to come down from your highs before Jimin lazily rolls off you. 

Pushing some damp strands out of his face, he can't stop himself from grinning contentedly. When he turns his head to see your expression, he notices you staring at the ceiling, nibbling your lip in deep thought. You do look satisfied and there is no trace of regret, thankfully. But there is a trace of concern that emanates from you.

Jimin's expression softens, his hand slowly reaching for yours which makes you look at him as well. 

You both exchange subtle smiles, silently agreeing not to worry about anything until the morning. And you don't. You sleep like a baby.

tagged: @ggukkieland | @ttaeby | @rkvi | @cuteipat | @pjiminslove | @mawwnsterr | @aamalaaa | @spideyxxboi | @lil-sracha | @katsbqbe | @bex-92br | @natalie-rdr | @canarystwin | @wespers-jaan | @bangtanxcoffee | @bri-mal | @so-kou | @lonleycoffee | @rjsmochii | @kiwiaroha | @chimchimmarie | @scoupshawt | @xmochiloverx | @kristinkristinuk | @thejiminshieffect | @yes-fangirl-things | @cuteinjapanese | @leticiaesteveslp | @jkkkkkay | @miss-rainy-days | @bangtan4everr | @i-never-post-but-i-am-here | @dumdaradumdaradum | @thesmeraldogirl | @deliciouslydeliciouspenguin

[sleepyking]

Someone pls see my vision

So I’ve seen some chatfics of when Red and Chloe are in the past, and don’t get me wrong i love them, but I have a different take on that concept

You all know I love Red angst, right? I mean, literally all of charminghearts stuff is her suffering(I have problems okay-)

Well, my idea features that(of course)

I’m terrible at explaining things, but essentially, Red gets invited to two chats—the one with the villains, and the one with the heroes

I really like the idea of her bonding with the VKs

Here are some conversations i think would happen:

Hades: she has problems

Maleficent: we all have problems

Hades: well yeah but she has, like, extra problems

Red: I’m RIGHT HERE

Red: so you won’t attack me with that?

Hook: no? Why would i?

Red: well

Red: I’m really annoying, and loud, and obnoxious, and I don’t listen, and I shouldn’t exist, and-

Hook: WAITWAITWAIT BACK UP

Hook: why would that mean I should attack you??

Red: because that’s what should happen to me?

Hook: who told you that???

Red: my mom?

Hook, calling the gang: GUYS LETS GO COMMIT MURDER

Uliana: I don’t like you

Red: welcome to the club

Uliana: wh-

Red: current members include me and my mom. Wanna be added to the Hit Red List? I’m sure I could squeeze you in between my mom and my mom and my mom

Uliana:

Uliana: so where does this mom of yours live-

Bridget: Red doesn’t like me:(

Ella: W H A T

Bridget: :(((

Ella, ready to commit murder: hold my flower babe, I’ll be right back

Chloe: hang on-

Uuuuuh yea

I just-

I really want Red to bond with the VKs okay-

Wait I already said that

They’d be like her older siblings and I N E E D that in my life

Couple extra things:

Hades types in all lowercase and uses z instead of s

Fay fake married Uli at some point, they get divorced, Fay marries Hook and Morgie, and then Hades and Maleficent(platonically)

House Husband Hades

Fay and Hades friendship

Hades is basically a puppy

And any other stuff you want! I based most of this off of the rp group I’m in:)

Anyways

I’d write this myself but like…writers block and school are kickin my ass rn

Might still write it anyways but idk

If anyone wants to write this feel free to! Just tag me when it’s done pls:)

[benedictscanvas]

Nobody on the BAU team believes Jack Hotchner when he says his father’s new girlfriend is rich and famous. Then they meet her.

A theoretical opening to an Aaron Hotchner x f1 reader if you’re interested, but also no pressure if you don’t vibe with it. I don’t want anything too specific, just happy chosen family shenanigans. Sending all the love to you 💛💛

cute cute cute. as i'm writing this i'm pretty sure i've seen this type of thing before but i cannot remember for the life of me who wrote it! so pls let me know if anyone knows and i'll tag them. sending you all the love back anon <3 || 1.5k words, fem!reader

"Jack, come on man! Has your dad put you up to this?"

"No!" the boy insists, then lowers his voice again, "Dad told me not to tell you, but I couldn't help it."

Derek feels his chest swell with pride until he remembers what Jack's trying to convince him. He narrows his eyes at him again.

"Dave then? Trying to pull one over on me? Just because I switched out his-"

"Derek! I'm telling you the truth. I even have proof," Jack said, eyebrows raised, waiting for Derek to take the bait. His proof was poor at best, but he needed to talk to someone about this.

"Go ahead, kiddo."

Jack pulled out his phone, tapping furiously. Derek waited impatiently, even though he was an inch more intrigued than he had been 30 seconds ago.

When Jack showed him the blurriest photo in existence, that hope was snuffed out immediately.

"Okay, I'm leaving."

Jack grabbed at Derek's arm to make him stay, let him explain and it was enough to catch the attention of the rest of the BAU at their desks. Hotch was in his office, oblivious to the scene, one he would have put a stop to before it started.

"What's Morgan done this time?" JJ asked, making her way over with a smirk. Spence and Emily were listening from their desks too and before Jack could answer, Derek was already speaking.

"No no no, you're not blaming this one on me. Jack's claiming our very own Hotch is dating the Y/N Y/L/N. You know, she's an actress?"

Emily gasped.

"She's not just an actress, she's the actress, thank you Derek. I worship that woman."

"She's pretty amazing," Spencer added.

"Derek," Jack practically whined, "Dad's gonna kill me. I told you in secret!"

"Okay, but you're not serious Jack."

"You can't be."

"I am! So serious. So so serious that you all have to swear you're not gonna tell my dad about this conversation," Jack said, and upon seeing the amused looks of the people that were practically family, he glared at them, "Swear!"

"I swear, Jack," Spencer took pity on him first, but soon JJ and Emily did too, seeing the flush that had travelled up the young boy's neck. He may have grown a lot in his first few years of being a teenager but he kept the same tells that they could all read. Even Derek.

"Alright, alright, I swear too. But when I find out what you're trying to pull, I'm gonna pull something right back. You'll never see it coming, kid."

"Sounds like fighting talk, Jack, you need me to handle this for you?" came a teasing voice, silky smooth, from behind the group. Jack was the only one facing your way, and his face lit up at the sight of you. He went to stand at your side as the rest of them turned to see you in all your glory, smiling at them with that grin that they'd all seen so many times before.

On red carpets. Or movie theatre screens. Never in their office.

"Nah, you're alright Y/N," Jack said, greeting you with a brief but intricate handshake the others couldn't catch in time, "This is Derek, you've heard so much about, and he doesn't believe you're dating my dad."

"Ah, Derek Morgan," you said, enjoying the shock on his face as you said his full name, "You're right to be skeptical, you know. This one ate the last of my cereal this morning, though he swears it wasn't him."

Jack retorts instantly and just like that, the two of you have entered easy banter that the others can't help but sit and stare at. The conversation stops short when Jack bursts out in raucous laughter and you're grinning again, but you quickly turn back to the others.

"I'm so sorry," you say, and it's genuine now without the playful edge, "To show up like this, unannounced, and not even introduce myself. When I practiced this in my head, just know I blew you all away with my first impression."

They all rewarded you with a chuckle and it was enough to put you more at ease.

"I don't think you really need to introduce-"

"Y/N?"

Emily was cut off by another voice behind the group, this time one they knew well from their day to day lives. When they turned, comically in time with one another, they found Hotch at the top of the stairs, brow furrowed as he took the steps downward and walked towards them all.

Or, more accurately, towards you.

"I thought we were meeting you there?" he asked, voice low once he reached you and getting lower still as he murmured, "You don't have to do this, you know."

"I know. I want to," you assure him, eyes all sparkle as you look at him and reach out to briefly squeeze his arm, "Promise."

He nods once, like he's made up his mind. When he turns to the others, he's almost smiling. Spencer finds it a little eerie.

"Everyone, this is Y/N Y/L/N. My-" he stops short, and doesn't realise the entirety of his team is revelling in him being so flustered, "We're seeing each other."

"I'm his girlfriend," you supply, shaking your head at Hotch but you can't keep the smile from your face, "He just hates saying it."

"No," he grinds out, looking at you with nothing but fondness despite his warning tone, "It just doesn't cut it. It's not enough."

"What would you prefer?" Derek butts in, "Your significant other? Life partner? Lover?"

"Enough. She's important to me, let's leave it at that, shall we?"

Derek's suggestions had made you chuckle but Hotch's assertion had made you positively beam. JJ could read it all over her face. She'd moved past being starstruck and into being incredibly happy for Hotch.

"Jack I think we all owe you an apology man," Derek began, then winced and corrected himself when Emily elbowed him right in the ribs, "And especially me. I really thought you were kidding me."

"Jack, you told them?"

Hotch's voice is still stern, but this time directed towards his son. Derek winces again, knowing he's put his foot in his mouth as Jack's shoulders slump. Still glowing, you come to his rescue.

"Oh, Aaron, he's just happy for you," you say placatingly, a hand at his back, a reassurance, before you turn to the team, "It was me who wanted to keep this quiet, not Aaron. I was trying to protect him from my life, but I think I kept it up a little too long. That's why I'm here."

Spencer thinks Hotch might be glowing too. You, you're all ethereal anyway, and there's the essence of something angelic about you, but you seem to have pulled Hotch into your orbit. He's definitely smiling now, just a little. Spencer is trying not to frown at the difference of it all.

"You don't mind that I told them?"

"Not even a bit, Jackaroo," you chuckle when he rolls his eyes fondly at the nickname, "Been wanting to show your dad off for an awful long time, really."

It's cloying, really, the way you hang onto his forearm as you say it, but he's drinking up every drop you send his way. He even goes as far as to rest a hand on your own arm in return, and keeps you close.

"Other way round, sweetheart," he mutters, in some vain hope only you will hear him. He doesn't get his wish. As soon as somebody sighs wistfully, he's stiff again, back straight, "But I think we've shown off enough for one day. Lunch?"

Jack nods enthusiastically, still seeming relieved that you've helped him avoid any scolding, not that Hotch is very good at that, surprisingly. You nod too, sending a last sweet smile to the whole team and insisting that now they've met you, they won't be able to get rid of you. Another round of chuckles.

Emily insists they won't want to get rid of you and she's a little too eager. A little too superfan. If you notice, you don't show it, only saying goodbye to her with an extra warm hug that she can't shake off.

The three of you head off, you still hanging off Hotch's arm, your cheek now smushed against his shoulder. But he's silent, and you're blabbering away with Jack again, more laughter. When they get into the elevator and Derek cranes his head, he can see the real smile on Hotch's face and he gets a little choked up.

"Well shit," he says to the others, coughing it away, "That's me not getting any real work done today."

"You can say that again," somebody says, and soon they've devolved into sitting on desks and gossiping right into the afternoon.

When Dave and Penelope trudge back in after their early lunch to the commotion of everyone's reactions after you'd left, Dave simply asks them how they didn't know sooner. They're not surprised.

And if Penelope cries a little at the thought of just missing you, you'll never know. She has the others sworn to secrecy.

(hotch doesn't return at all)

if you'd like to request something, please do so here! i'd love to hear from you sunflower <3

[bluereo]

Part 2 my AU: Megatronus - The Fallen AU

Funny version how talking to Optimus's siblings went:

Op: I need you help, I can't defeat Unicron alone.

Eleven of them present in the realm of primes: ha ha nope

Op: okay then I'm gonna free Megatronus and he is my favorite from now.

Primes: :0

When Optimus gives Megatronus freedom he gives him also a deal. Something like "You help me and I will not put you back inside your prison. After we are done with Unicron you can go and do whatever you want as long as you don't cause any trouble" and Megatronus is like "...hello my new favorite sibling". They have a deal. Megatronus can't fight or kill anyone (autobots and decepticons have a peace for now) and Optimus will not put him back to his prison .

Everyone is completly shocked with sudden arrival of the Fallen, and this causes many many awkward situations.

Starting with Megatronus and Megatron. Like. I believe they have some similarities. They both want power, they are great warriors and have a little wild temperament. They would compete with eachother all the time. Megatron becouse he wants to prove he is better (especially before Optimus (yas I love Megop) ) and the Fallen just becouse he likes to tease younger. Bonus points for being overprotective older brother.

Or kids going everywhere after demigod listening to many wild and brutal stories from his time with the rest of his sibling. Bonus if he spills some tea about Optimus not always being so stoick and his past in the wilderness.

Or Rachet just being angry about the fact that Optimus never told anyone that he could literally talk or summon past primes. Or that he is literally the 13th.

Or Starscreem silently trying to make the Fallen join his side and help with ending Megatron.

I have so many ff ideas but I'm shit at writing them so here you go with some dialogs.

If someone wants to write something with this au you are free to do it. Just tag me

• Megatronus & human kids

Fallen: -and this is how we deafeted Unicron the last time!

Jack and Raffael, deeply terrified: . . .

Miko with stars in her eyes: Please tell me more.

I see Fallen as the older brother who already seen his mistakes and wants to change himself a little bit. Just to make sens to some of those below.

• Megatronus & Optimus (already with more then less memories from his past life)

Fallen: ...Show me your scars

Op: Why?

Fallen: I want to know how many times you needed me brother and I wasn't there...

Fallen: You have changed since I last seen you. You... have grown up.

Op: Grown up?... I suppose I had. Killing bots and almost killing myself few times must have changed me after all.

Fallen: So... you knew Megatron before war?

Op: I knew him. At least I thought I did. Once. A long time ago...

Fallen: What was he like?

Op: He was going to change the world for so much better...

_______

Sorry for missing for such long time. Pls interact repost and you can send me your ideas about it

Part 1:

[mickeym4ndy]

Weekly Tag Wednesday Thursday☘️

(It’s technically almost Friday here lol. Sorry I’m late this week has been absolutely insane)

thanks for the tags lovelies!! @sgtmickeyslaughter @iansw0rld @mickittotheman @sleepyheadgallavich

Name: Tee

Age: 25

Location: Ireland

And now...

Latest music discovery: not rly a discovery but I’ve only just started listening to Chapell Roan

Latest movie: i haven’t had time to sit down to watch a movie in so long, probably anyone but you which was a major let down

Last TV show you finished: Big Mood!! So so good, it’s on channel 4 if ur Ireland/uk

Most recently started book: haven’t had time to read anything besides academic articles and fics in so long. Once I’m finished grad school in summer though I wanna get back into it bc me & my friend are gonna do a book club so send any recs pls x

Most recent trip out of town: Went home for Easter❤️

Most recent trip out of the country: Spain last summer!

Most recent gift you made to yourself: I did treat myself to a takeaway tonight

Most recent gift you made to someone else: the shoes I got for my brother

Most recent text message you received: jokes in the siblings group chat

Most recent text message you sent: "I don’t get it" (^I didn’t get the joke bc I haven’t seen dune yet lol)

Last fic you read: ‘both sides now’ by @sgtmickeyslaughter and ‘motherhood and what comes of it’ by @em-harlsnow (both so good!!)

Last drink you had: water. wild

Last thing you ate: a spice bag lol. Idk if anyone outside of Ireland will know what that is

Latest piece of clothing you bought: vintage denim jacket!! I love it sm

Latest piece of advice you received: idk about advice but my professor told me I was a good presenter today

Latest piece of advice you gave: telling my friend he didn’t need to decide his career right now and that he could just live his life and see what happens

Latest thing you promised yourself: that I was never gonna pull an all nighter to get something done again because I stayed up for 38 hours straight this week and felt like I wasn’t in my body during a class lol (we’ll see how well I do on this one)

super late so I’m skipping the tags bc I think most people already have been but here is me giving u all a big hug🤗

[controversial-blorbo-bracket]

Hi there! I’ve seen you make polls about a couple of characters from a fandom that I’m in, which has made me curious about that the most divisive character in that particular fandom might be. Would you be cool with people making spin-offs of this tournament style, focusing solely on one fandom? Has anyone done that already?

Also thanks for the tournament, it’s so fun to vote in and observe!

Yeah that is totally cool with me! People have asked about doing this before but I’m not sure if they ever manifested bc I never saw them. So if you do do this, pls tag me bc I’m interested and want to see it!! (And also then I can boost it)

[lokigodofaces]

hey so i've been busy and as such on hiatus not from tumblr but also like not paying attention to movies and series as much for the sake of time so i just kinda wanted to ask for some thoughts (specifically from my mutuals because they would know my opinions on things more but anyone can respond) on different things I know have come out so i know if it's even worth it to watch it or not

marvel. like is any of it worth it? tbh i already was behind before my hiatus. so i believe i am asking about: loki season 2 (i imagine i already know...), guardians of the galaxy (christmas and 3), echo, quantumania, wakanda forever, what if s2 (& more, if there are more seasons), ms marvel, i am groot, secret invasion, & the marvels. also have not seen she hulk and thor love and thunder but...yeah i can imagine how it went...

percy jackson! (i hope it's good i hope it's good i hope it's good i hope it's good)

dune 2 (also have not yet read the book so "it isn't like the book" wouldn't affect me all that much if this is a concern)

like anything star wars ever since like kenobi i am so behind guys

dc movies? idk what dc has done lately but they any good?

idk don't even remember what movies/series/music exist kkkkkk

idk if y'all want to give non nsfw suggestions like i accept but idk if will have time

oh yeah disney/pixar/other animation! anything cool there?

also super random question but what tumblr nonsense/meme/etc have i missed?

idk mutuals want to recommend fanfic they think i'd like

idk what this is anymore

someone write me a list like steve rogers had in tws

ain't even going to tag it so that i don't get diehard current mcu fans on my back

so idk if anyone'll see it but if y'all would like to respond i'd appreciate it!

also this format is weird like i feel like i should be rambling in the tags but i'm rambling in bullet points whatever i dont care about crap anymore

also if there are new tesseroki fics pls let me know

[bo0zey]

raaawwerrrrrr hehehe uwu ::)))) lol teehee!!! weewooweewoo!!!!!!!!!!!!! xD hahaha :P lolzzzzieeee awoooooooga meowmeow woof hahahahahahahahah :D lol lmao :3 8D

[clairecrive]

Hi could we please get a really angsty fic with nikolai (with a happy ending pls) where reader and he has had a fight so they maintain the facade on the outside bc they're royals but in private it's just ignoring each other/angst?

Young Royals

A/N: ahh, this is angsty alright but it seems I'm only capable of writing hurt/comfort lately. This took a life of its own and it's long af but I hope you like it anyway x

Warnings: miscommunication, angst, fighting, hurt/comfort, Nikolai is a bit absent, you're a bit jealous of his relationship with Zoya

Tags: @jupiterandbutterflies, @agentsofsheilds , @for-bebbanburg , @randomoutsiders , @pansysgirlfriend , @hannaxmaria , @vintagebitc , @story-scribbler , @crowssixof , @odetostep,@lizzie-he4rts, @korol-lantsov, @subjecta13-thefangirl, @gallysonegoodlung, @a-c-lee, @mriddlemethis, @carnationworld,@thanossexual, @luvxginger, @sanna2020,@partiesandblurrypolaroids, @edithsvoice, @wafflesandschemingfaces (tag list form)

SHADOW AND BONE MASTERLIST

"Do not put words into my mouth, Nikolai."

"Please, you already have so many, my love," he scoffed and the use of the term of endearment hurt the most.

"You're making me sound like a brat while I'm providing you with a viable solution," you insisted with a flare of your hands, frustrated by his unwillingness to listen to you.

"No, you're not. What you're doing is being childish."

"I'm your queen, Nikolai. I'm only asking to be more involved."

"You're my wife, y/n, and you know nothing about politics or running a country." He retired, putting emphasis on wife. This felt a lot like being put into place. And the fact that it was your husband doing so, hurt. It was also the most you had seen him this week.

"Neither did Zoya, nor Genya or anyone who's currently running the country."

"That's different and you know it."

"Only because you're making it so," you exclaimed finally exploding. His despondency got on your nerves and this conversation was going nowhere anyway.

Surprised by your raise of voice, Nikolai stood before you just blinking at you.

Sighing, you took a step toward him, holding your hands up, "look, you're right, I don't know about running a country but teach me. I'm not stupid, I'll pick it up."

"Why are you insisting so much? You've never shown any interest in politics before." He gave you a puzzled look like he didn't really believe your intentions.

"I've never wanted to be queen before." before meeting you.

"Ah, I see," he chuckled mirthlessly, "I put you in this situation and now you're taking your revenge."

To insinuate that your marriage with him was you "being put into a situation" rather than a consensual decision you had made out of love was absurd.

Nikolai was right. You had never cared about politics or diplomacy before meeting him. You were a soldier. There was no reason for you to meddle with something that didn't concern you.

But now you were queen and you felt a responsibility towards your people. You wanted to help but so far, Nikolai hadn't allowed you to take part in any meetings. He said that anyone who needed to be there was already involved. What he didn't tell you was that while Grisha made excellent soldiers and even good councillors, one of them being a royal was a very different matter.

He had indulged his love for you by marrying you. You were his vice and he simply couldn't accept the idea of being without you anymore. He had married you, consequently making you queen, going against what his advisors told him.

While he ignored his warnings he was painfully aware, however, how difficult it was going to be for a Grisha on the throne. It was the first time something liked this had ever happened and unfortunately, the country was filled with people who resented Grisha for their powers.

Nikolai feared that the people were never going to accept you. Hence why he'd been keeping you secluded in the palace.

To be fair, you were doing a wonderful job. Like he had pointed out, you were not accustomed to politics but you made up for that with empathy and kindness. You started to interest yourself with the problem of poverty and lack of provisions for some parts of the country.

And while no one was aware of it, Nikolai often turned to you for military strategy. You were an apt soldier and had fought bravely alongside him and everyone else in the battle of the Fold. You were the very reason why he was still alive, to be honest.

While this arrangement worked for the first months of your reign, it was starting to feel an inadequate effort. You needed to do more, you wanted to do more. You didn't expect Nikolai to oppose it so vehemently.

"If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be, Nikolai, you'd do well to remember it," you pointed out coldly, straightening your spine.

"Since you seem so adverse at spending time with me or including me in important matters, I'll find someone else who will." And with that, chin held high, you walked out of the room.

You missed him. It felt absurd to say this but you missed your husband. He was always busy with meetings or official visits to some noble across the country. For most of them, he went alone or with Zoya.

You knew that she was his first in command but you couldn't help but be bothered by it. It was one thing to accept the fact that he hadn't given the role to you "because the queen cannot have that role as well", it was a whole other thing to accept the fact that another woman spent more time with your husband than you did.

Countless were the fights you had with him in this regard. But they were pointless. Nikolai was still set on not bringing you and he and Zoya were always found together.

You didn't know what hurt more. The blow at your pride for being denied a position you deserved because of who you loved, the jealousy or being punished for your identity.

One thing was sure though, it was getting too much. At first, you pulled thought for Nikolai but now that you didn't have him anymore, your efforts seemed to be in vain.

So, like you had told Nikolai, you looked for someone who was willing to teach you. You wanted to help and if Nikolai wasn't going to let you here at the palace, then you'd find somewhere else.

Count Kirigin had always been nice to you and he was a very generous host. You knew that he played a central role in Nikolai's plan so you thought that there was no one better than him.

You reached out to him, wrote him a letter in which you showed interest in his activity and asked him if he was willing to show you. Of course, anything that came from the queen or the king couldn't be denied but you knew that the Count truly enjoyed your company. If your position didn't put so much higher than everybody else, you'd even consider him a friend.

You waited for his reply before putting in motion the preparations for your departure.

In the meantime, you and Nikolai kept conducting your separate lives. Usually, you'd only see him at night when he returned to your chambers if you were still up. Now, you had decided to sleep in separate rooms too.

If he wanted a wife, then a wife he'd get. But kings and queens do not sleep together.

If the new arrangement was bothering him, you didn't know. He hadn't reached out to you nor made any move to rectify your decision.

Turns out that he wasn't even at the Palace. He had left for a mission near the border with Shu Han and wouldn't be back for at least a week. Well, then. Of course, he didn't even bother with telling you. Not even a small note.

Jokes on him though, you thought, since when he was going to come back, he'd finally get what he wanted. You weren't going to be there to bother him anymore.

Differently from him though, you did indeed left him a note. Nikolai found it a week after you had set it on his pillow. Its presence made him furrow his eyebrows since he had already been wondering where you were. You usually came out to meet him at the gates whenever he'd come back from a mission and even though you had fought before he went away, you weren't one for holding grudges. So e guessed there was something holding you.

Unfolding the paper he was met with your familiar chaotic writing.

"I don't know when you're going to find this letter but if I'm not there yet it means that I'm still at Count Kirigin's. Do not bother with writing or visiting, I'll come back when my business with him is done.

Y/n"

What in the name of every sweet loving saint???

The letter wasn't dated, no dear, no yours no nothing. Fuck. You were still mad or worse, hurt.

Asking one of the servants, he learned that you had been away for a week already. But what business could you possibly have with the Count??

Nikolai had nothing against him. Seeing Kirigin get all flustered as he tried to flirt with Zoya amused him to no end but the idea of him and you in the same house? Alone?? Unacceptable.

Not even bothering to change clothes after his long journey, Nikolai headed to the stables to ask for a well-rested horse. Luckily, Count Kirigin's estate was not too far away. A couple of hours ride.

Turns out that the Count had a lot to teach. Despite his aloof reputation and extravagant clothes, he was very observant. He lacked ambition, which was why Nikolai trusted him and had a curious way of behaving in social situations.

But Emil had been born and raised in high society. He knew how things were run even if he had no desire to be in charge of them.

So far, you'd be having a wonderful time. Emil was a wonderful host, as you remembered, but without Nikolai's presence, he was even more extravagant. He had an unexpectedly dry sense of humour and a never-ending list of jokes.

Being in the open and in the company of someone who saw y/n instead of the Queen of Ravka proved to be even more needed than you thought. You felt reinvigorated and much lighter than you'd ever been.

You had also been learning a lot. Emil had been teaching you about diplomacy. About the best ways of formulating a sentence so that you wouldn't offend anyone but still get what you wanted. He had also been talking to you about your husband's ministers. About their weaknesses and vices and what was the best way to approach them to get what you wanted.

So far, it was proving to be a wonderful decision to come here.

Whenever your mind strayed on Nikolai, you willed it to focus on something else. You didn't know if he had already come home or seen the letter. A part of you thought that if he had, he would at least write one back. But the thought felt a lot like hope and seeing as how little he saw you even before you left, you didn't think it safe to harbour it.

When Nikolai reached the estate, he was met with Kirigin's servants. They welcomed him inside and profusely apologised for the Count's absence. They told him that at this time of the day, Kirigin and his guest would usually go out on a ride but that they were also about to return.

So Nikolai waited, sitting in the most comfortable chair the Count owned, fuming at the thought that his wife had felt the need to go away and be in the company of another man.

"If I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be Nikolai. You'd do well to remember it."

Your words haunted him. They were the last thing that you told him. How stupid had he been to let you walk away. How utterly careless of him to disregard you like that.

He had promised himself to truly talk to you about it once this pressing matter of state was taken care of. Apparently, he had waited too long.

But Nikolai knew that the problem was at the source. He noticed how hurt you had been when he made Zoya his first in command. Or how sad you seemed everywhere he went somewhere with her and didn't ask you to join.

He was doing so to protect you from the inevitable slander you'd be met with. He should have known though that putting you aside was going to be even worse. You were a fighter just as much as Zoya was, if not stronger.

She hid behind her veil of indifference and superiority while you had never lost that emphatic verve that made everyone love you so much. In his attempt to make you safe, he had only managed to hurt you.

You were a warrior. You had accepted the role of queen only because it was the only way for you to be with Nikolai. And instead of praising you by making you a warrior queen, he had decided to hide you away.

Well, no more.

If his mistakes had not ruined everything already, he was going to make everything better.

Lost in his musing, he didn't hear the sound of hooves approaching but he did indeed hear your laugh. It immediately brought him back to the present and a wave of ugly jealousy hit him.

He couldn't remember the last time he made you laugh.

"I shouldn't even laugh Emil, the joke was terrible," Nikolai hear you giggling from somewhere in the hall. So now he was Emil, huh.

"You know you can't resist my charm, your highness," Emil replied and Nikolai had to call on every bit of his self-control to not barge out of the room and punch him.

"Stop it, you know you can call me y/n."

Before Emil could reply, they had both made it to the sitting room where Nikolai was waiting for them. It looked like no one had warned them of his presence because Kirigin looked surprised then utterly mortified.

"Your majesty, I wasn't aware you were here. Please forgive me for making you wait."

"Don't fret Kirigin, it was an impromptu visit. I came to see how my lovely wife was doing." No matter how green he was feeling right now, he knew that Kirigin was loyal to him and the crown. Whatever was happening here wasn't one of his schemes.

"Of course! I'm going to send for some tea while you two get reunited." Kirigin quickly bowed before hurrying out of the room.

Nikolai met your eyes for the first time since you had arrived. If at first, you were surprised to see him, now you couldn't help but be a bit sceptical about this visit.

"What are you doing here?" you asked breaking the ice.

"You leave with only a few lines on where you're going and you expect me to just accept it?" He scoffed, his hands curling on the armrests of the chair.

"It's more than what you gave me," you quipped, crossing your arms on your chest.

Nikolai sighed while his gloved hands run through his hair. You were right and he knew it. He had been a horrible husband lately.

"I know you're mad at me, honey, but listen-"

"I'm not mad. You didn't want to give me what I wanted so I went looking for it somewhere else." Scrolling your shoulders, you interrupted him without meeting his eyes. A list of excuses was not what you wanted nor what you needed from him.

Nikolai didn't miss the innuendo. His jaw clenched, his hands closed in fists. But he willed himself to stay calm.

"You think Kirigin can give you something that I can't?" Nikolai was a master in diplomacy. Never did he get frustrated or angry or raised his voice, even with the most aggravating people. Here though, with you, he didn't have to keep a façade. He spoke through his teeth barely containing his anger.

"Well, so far, he's been giving me attention and interesting pointers that no, Nikolai, you refused to give me."

"So this is how you solve your problems? Running away in the countryside with Emil?" Nikolai sneered, his tone souring around Kirigin's name.

"Don't you do the same with your precious first in command?" Tired after your ride with Emil, you plopped down on the chair in front of Nikolai's. Completely ignoring his tone, you pointed out calmly. The perfect image of aloofness even when it was the last thing you were in this moment.

"That's different," he snapped trying to meet your eyes that were carefully analyzing your hands.

"Yes," you signed, "it seems that when I'm concerned everything is different."

"There's nothing between me and Zoya, y/n and you know it." Nikolai was getting more frustrated by the second. He came here to apologize, to make things right and so far, the conversation was going in the opposite directions.

"Maybe now, but you spend more time with her than you do with me. It's only a matter of time before it happens and you're sorely mistaken if you think I'll just stand by and watch."

"This is not about Zoya," he insisted but so far, he wasn't getting the reaction out of you he wanted. You seemed... resigned at the situation. And that worried Nikolai to no end.

"It never is."

"Why did you run away?" Opting for a more direct approach, he bit the bullet and went straight to the point.

"I did not run away," you scoffed in contempt at his choice of words, "I told you I wanted to do more and Emil is teaching me. Not everyone is so against spending time with me, you know." You shot him a glance.

It was the first time that you had looked at him since you had been left alone.

"I married you, y/n. How can you possibly believe I don't want to spend time with you?" As desperation slipped through his words, Nikolai leaned towards you in his seat. As if he couldn't bear the distance between you anymore. But you knew it wasn't that. You and he had been distant for months now.

"Because that's what's happening, Nikolai," you clipped back and Nikolai had to refrain from wincing at your tone.

"It's not intentional, my love, I've just been busy." His tone softened. It was a poor excuse of an apology but it was sadly the truth.

"But when I say that I want to join or help you with it you strongly oppose?" Again, there was that suspicious implication in your words that Nikolai just couldn't stand. To think that you believed he'd ever cheat on you with another woman when he had done so much, taken so many risks, to be with you.

"It's not what you think, y/n." He insisted again but immediately realized he had said the wrong thing when he saw you leaning back into your chair shaking your head.

"I don't think anything, anymore. Do whatever you want. You do your thing and I'll do mine. I won't be a bother to you anymore." Holding up your hands, you gestured as you spoke.

A beat. Nikolai froze in his seat at what you were suggesting.

"You're never a bother to me. Never." He leaned even forwards in his chair, basically only propping on it now. The desperation was now clear in his voice. He reached out to you to try and take hold of your hands but you were too distant.

"I love you more than anything in this world and if you think that I'm going to let you go without a fight, you're sorely mistaken." The steel determination of his words caught you off guard. Nikolai was strong-headed, you knew that better than anyone else, but it had been a long while since that determination had been directed to you.

"You already did." It was barely a whisper. The sad truth about your reality, the downfall of your relationship. The wavering of your voice, the pain in your eyes were enough to tip Nikolai off the edge.

"Milaya, please."He fell onto his knees in front of you. Leaning forward he reached for your hands that he could now hold. "I'm sorry. I put you in a difficult position when I married you and I tried my best to protect you."

"I don't need protecting, Nikolai, especially if it's by pushing me away."

"I was keeping you away from danger and I know that you're strong and capable but I hate to think of you as the object of public slander." His eyes darted between yours, frantic, desperate to make you understand.

"I'm Grisha, Nikolai. It's nothing new to me," you pointed out but then it hit you.

"By difficult position, you meant a Grisha Queen, didn't you?" Your eyes hardened at the implications, your hands going slack in his hold. You would have pulled them away if Nikolai didn't tighten his hold.

"Please, do not think I'm regretting my choice or I think you're not worthy of the title because that's not true." Pulling your hands, he tried to get you closer to him. "I fear that there will be repercussions among the people." And there it was, at last, the truth.

"And among your ministers," you added remembering Emil's lessons on the people at court and their role.

You scoffed when he stayed silent. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought I was doing the right thing, my love."

"So Zoya can handle it and I can't?"

"For the millionth time," he groaned, "I don't care about Zoya."

"I only care about you and I know you can handle it. I just didn't want you to. You deserve happiness and peaceful life and I know it's impossible to have in this saints' forsaken country but I can at least try." His eyes lowered in shame and his confession sent a pang through your heart. You took a moment to take in what he said.

Never had you thought about the possibility of Nikolai's distance was a form of protection. You were a soldier of the Second Army, after all. But being a queen, especially a Grisha one, was a delicate thing.

It was the first time in history that something like this happened. Nikolai's worries were not unfounded since even after the destruction of the Fold, anti-Grisha movements were spreading fast.

It was sad to see the General's attempt of assuring safety for Grisha, provoking exactly the opposite thing.

"Oh, Kolya," returning his grip, you leaned towards him, "I just want a life with you by my side."

"As do I. I want you always and forever but above all, I want you safe. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you, you know it right?"

"I just ask that you tell me the truth and let me play the role I've been given."

"It's not going to be easy. People at court-"

"I know. That's why I'm here. Emil's been teaching."

"Well, no more. I'm going to take care of it from now on."

"Is this a promise or a threat?"

"Rest assured my love, the difference between the two is almost nonexistent." He flashed you a smirk and you couldn't help but smile at him. Here it was, your beloved Nikolai.

"Things are going to change, aren't they?" you murmured softly as he gently rested his forehead against yours.

"We're going to show everyone what a "power couple" is." Here was his promise. Sealed with the gentlest nudging of his nose to yours. The action made you smile and your heart soar. You missed these little moments of intimacy with him.

One of his hands came to cradle your face as the other kept hold of your left hand. Your rings softly clicked as they touched. A form of reassurance.

"I love you, y/n."

"And I you, Kolya."

You were completely lost in your little bubble, even more so when Nikolai's lips finally met yours, that you had forgotten where you were. And that there was an embarrassed Kirigin outside the door waiting for the right moment to come in with tea.

[mybiasisexo]

Entangled - Part 4

Pairing: Chanyeol x f.Reader

Chapter Warning: Language

Word Count: 5.5k

Author's Note: There's a lot that happens here lmao. Like I feel this is like 3 chapters jammed into one. I hope we can get a bit of insight on Channies thought process here, and maybe even OCs?? Also I LOVE this friend group and will add so many irrelevant scenes just to see them interact 🥺.

Also.... pls lmk if you would like to be tagged! There are a couple people who I want to but... dont wanna bother anyone haha. So, if you'd like that, just lmk 🙃

Also also.... have y'all listened to beyonces new album?!??!???????!? Was DEF listening to it HEAVY while editing this (Virgos groove was hitting a bit too hard christ she's done it again 😔 we stan forever)

Okay, I'm rambling (shocker) as always, don't be afraid to lmk how you feel about the story so far!!! I appreciate all interaction!!! Have fuuuun~

“Ah.” The calm that overtakes you as you lay back on the blanket separating you from the powdery sand is welcomed after the morning you’ve had. Just as you predicted, the sun is helping your hangover just as much as the food digesting in your belly.

It would’ve tasted a lot better without the bitter knowledge of Chanyeol’s apology, but the heat kissing your skin is enough of a distraction from that fact. “This is the life.”

“If I could, I would live a life strictly on the shore,” Seulgi agrees. She already sounds drowsy as she sprawls out like a starfish beside you.

Yerim is somewhere splashing along in the water, finally enjoying the crisp waves instead of taking pictures for her Instagram. Poor Seulgi spent the first ten minutes out as her photographer and is now finally having time for herself.

You aren’t sure how much time passes when Yerim joins you both. Cold drops of sea water drip onto your stomach alluding to her presence. You wince, eyes springing open to give the young girl a glare.

“Oops.” She shrugs innocently, her smile dazzling. You huff before rolling onto your stomach, evening out your tan. Yerim checks her phone and sucks her teeth, tossing it angrily aside before plopping onto her stomach across from you, so that your heads now huddle together.

“Still no word from Loey?” Seulgi asks. Her eyes are still closed, and she hasn’t moved an inch. Honestly, you thought she had fallen asleep.

You hate how your ears perk at the mention of your ex.

Yerim’s mouth tightens. “Nothing. We were supposed to get breakfast this morning. He had promised me that while kicking me out, to try to make up for what he was doing. But he hasn’t replied to any of my texts or calls!”

Her words trigger something in the back of your mind. Little fragments from the night before come to you in flashes, images of a pissed Yerim in front of your hotel room.

“He kicked you out?” You ask.

The sisters share a look before turning their attention back to you.

“What?” You snap. “I told you I blacked out.”

Yerim sighs dramatically and falls onto her back, blocking the sun with an arm draped over her eyes. “Yes, well, he did. Suddenly sharing a bed made him uncomfortable.”

“You two haven’t… you haven’t had sex yet?” You push out, swallowing the bile the question has rising up your throat.

She pauses and then bursts into laughter, saying your name conspiringly. “I had no idea you would be interested in my sex life.”

Oh, it isn’t hers you’re curious about.

You shrug non-committedly, glancing away.

“No, we haven’t,” she reveals. “This trip was the first time we’ve hung out outside my job, actually. Our first date. It was kind of funny. We both thought of coming here together at the same time. It sounded like the perfect idea then. Now? I’m starting to see how much it wasn’t.” 

Relief floods you, relaxing your tense muscles. You wonder briefly how you would have reacted if they had slept together. Most likely seen red.

You halt those thoughts instantly. This is not your place anymore, not your right. You have zero claim on Chanyeol and whatever you are feeling right now is unwarranted.

Pushing away all that, you focus back on the conversation. “Because he kicked you out?”

She hums as she ponders your question. “That. And he’s in the wedding. He’s a groomsman, and that’s his main focus on the trip, not necessarily me. But also….”

She sighs and shifts around, getting comfortable. “He warned me, but I didn’t think he was being serious. At least, I didn’t think it was actually going to matter.”

“What did he warn you about?” Seulgi asks, voice quiet.

Yerim is silent for a breath before huffing, laughing mirthlessly. “He was engaged once.”

Your heart drops.

“He told me that he was engaged a few years ago, and that he was a bit worried that being in a wedding might… hurt.”

Just like you.

You honestly didn’t know what to think of Chanyeol going through the same thing as you, although this new perspective made your conversation from this morning make a bit more sense, made you understand his actions and words. 

He was putting up a front, just like you. 

“I told him to not worry about it too much,” Yerim continues, unaware of the epiphany you’re having. “Because I am here now. I’ll stay by his side. I’m not going anywhere. He laughed when I said that, and said he thought it was cute. To me, that sounded like that was enough for him. But, something changed after dinner yesterday. He was different, and well, I guess he was right about being worried after all.”

“Engaged, huh?” Is all you can say.

Yerim pouts. “It’s not like he was married and got a divorce. It’s only an engagement. Like…get over it?”

Her words sting. It feels like she’s speaking to you directly.

“Yerim….” Seulgi chastises gently, probably aware of how her statement might affect you. You can’t bring yourself to feel hurt, she’s right afterall. Plus, you can hear the hurt in her voice, the disappointment.

Reaching out, you touch her hand reassuringly. “Would you like me to beat him up for you?”

That brings out a bright laugh and you grin at the sound. “Apparently, you gave him a piece of your mind last night.”

You blink. “I did?”

“You weren’t very happy with him once you found out what he did to me, so you went to his room and confronted him.”

Chanyeol’s words from earlier echo in your brain. ‘We already had this conversation last night’.

“How did that go?” You question, hoping they can’t hear the rising panic in your voice.

‘Because you missed me’.

“Not sure,” she answers.

“We heard you banging on his door for a minute,” Seulgi informs.

You came knocking on my door like the police’.

You gulp.

“It got really quiet afterwards for like ten minutes or so. Then you started banging on our door because, of course, you didn’t have the key. You were pretty incoherent, mumbling something about him being an asshole, I think. Then you stumbled right to bed. Out like a light.”

You take in this newfound information warily. “So, you aren’t sure if I actually talked to him or not?”

“No. It could’ve been Sehun’s door. Hell, it could’ve been a damn wall you were hitting, you were that fucked up,” Seulgi says, chuckling at the memory.

So, there is still a chance Chanyeol was lying. Your certainty crumbles even further when a fresh memory from last night unlocks. It isn’t an image, but a feeling. Hands–fingers–ghosting up your stomach, your cheek.

You blink. Will you remember this? A whisper.

“Either way I appreciate it.” Yerim leans her head back to smile at you upside down, pulling you out of your reverie. “I love you, Sis.”

You smile in return, hoping it reaches your eyes as you pat her round cheek. She giggles, the sound should ease your heart. Instead, it brings another wave of guilt over you, making you shiver despite the heat of the sun overhead.

She readjusts, no longer staring up at you, and starts going on about something else, missing the way Seulgi and you lock eyes, worry and apprehension shared between you both.

Oh, how the knot tangles.

You spend a few more hours at the beach. Play in the water, take a nice afternoon nap, and just lounge around until you get a text from Sehun letting you know that the rehearsal is almost over and that they will all be eating lunch in his suite.

With that, you head back to your own room to get ready.

While in the elevator, Yerim’s phone pings. She checks the text and immediately lights up and starts squealing in excitement.

“What is it?” Seulgi asks, reveling in her sister’s delight.

“Loey just texted me!”

“What did he say?” You ask, playing as nonchalant as possible.

“He said that he’s sorry for not getting back to me this morning and missing breakfast. He said he overslept and woke up right before he had to go to rehearsal. He was wondering if he could make it up to me with lunch!”

“That’s… cute.” Seulgi’s smile becomes forced, and she turns to you with widening eyes that say, ‘what the hell’. You purse your lips as an unwelcoming bout of jealousy makes you consider telling the sisters that Chanyeol was indeed awake early enough to get breakfast this morning.

Not your place.

“I’m going to invite him to Sehun’s…. If that’s okay?” Yerim checks for confirmation. You both agree reluctantly.

She bounces on the balls of her feet excitedly as she types away. The doors open and you leap out, feeling trapped in the confines of the small metal box.

“Aw man. He wants it to be just us two. I hope you don’t mind me skipping out on lunch with everyone.”

“It’s no problem,” you reassure her, meaning it completely.

“Yeah, I’m sure you both have a lot to catch up on,” Seulgi adds.

That is that. You all take turns showering and start getting ready for lunch. You’re rushing a bit, wanting to see your friends and ask about the rehearsal, plus you’re starving. Chanyeol hadn’t given you much in his apology plate.

And, you hate to admit it, but you need a break from Yerim.

When Yerim is in the shower, Seulgi enters your room, sits on the corner of the bed, and watches you put your makeup on.

When your name finally leaves her mouth, you know you’re in trouble. It holds an authority you rarely hear her use. Slowly, you put down your mascara and turn in your chair, giving her your undivided attention.

“I love you,” she starts, voice deceivingly calm. “But Yerim is my sister. I can’t keep protecting you and Chanyeol. It’s not fair to her.”

“I know,” you say.

“We have to tell her,” she proceeds.

“I agree.”

Seulgi inhales deeply. “She’s going to be furious, but she has a right to know about you two. Especially since it seems you’re the reason why he kicked her out of their room.”

Her statement shocks you. “What?”

She throws you an incredulous look. “Are you telling me you didn’t see the way he was watching you throughout dinner? Not to mention how he would, like, study you whenever he touched Yerim? Like he was trying to get a reaction? Trying to make you jealous? I don’t know. Neither one of you have ever really told anyone why you broke up. It’s been a mystery for all of us, you know. We’ve been trying to solve it for years. I was hoping that seeing you both together would solve everything. But, to be honest, it’s only making things more confusing because….”

Her hands rub together, as though she’s putting on lotion. Her eyebrows furrow and her eyes are far away as she thinks about what she has seen. When she refocuses on you, you gulp, hating the distrust in her gaze. “I think Chanyeol is still in love with you.”

“Seulgi.” You don’t–no, can’t hear this right now, not when everything has become so much more complicated.

Her eyes pool with sorrow, for who you weren’t sure. “If Yerim is going to get her heart broken during this trip, I would rather it be from Yeol alone. I don’t want to hurt her, and I know you don’t want to either.”

You didn’t. Yerim is like a little sister to you. Damn Chanyeol for putting you in such a predicament.

“So, when do we tell her?” You ask, filled with a new resolve. You wanted to be done with all this unnecessary drama. “Right now? After lunch? Tomorrow before the wedding? When is the right time?”

“I think now is better than later. I can’t keep lying to her face.”

“I don’t want to lie anymore either. This is Chanyeol’s mess. Let’s tell her, and have him deal with explaining everything while they’re out.”

A couple knocks at your door cuts your conversation short. You both share a glance, not expecting guests.

“Maybe it’s Sehun?” You guess before getting to your feet to answer. “Lord knows he’s always so damn impatient.”

You trudge over and tear the door open.

“Dude, I swear we’re on our way….”

The height is expected. Chanyeol’s face? Not so much.

Speak of the devil….

He is wearing a cocky grin on his face, that swiftly falls the moment you grace his presence. 

“Oh,” slips out of your mouth, expressing all the disappointment you feel at seeing him instead of your best friend. Although your heart begins racing, you find it a bit easier to be confronted with him this time around. Actually, the conversation you just had comes back to you, and you realize that you’re annoyed with him. “What are you doing here?” 

He jerks back from your tone, probably shocked by how bored you sound. “I was just, um, I’m here to, uh, pick up–”

“Yerim,” You finish for him, nodding in confirmation. Right. Of course. His girlfriend.

With her name hovering between you, the atmosphere thickens awkwardly. You’re still mad at him, but it’s overwhelmed by a different disappointment than you felt prior. It takes a second, and then it clicks as to why you feel this. Wow, you really are stupid, huh? A foolish part of you had hoped that he was here to see you. But at the reminder that he has someone else, you are embarrassed to think something so delusional. You don’t know where to look–eyes jumping around randomly, only passing his face every few seconds. Your hands dangle uselessly at your sides, and all you can think is ‘abort, abort, ABORT’. 

“I–right. Let me go get her.” Your voice betrays your disappointment. 

You turn stiffly to do just that, but get pulled to a stop before you can even take a step into the room. Chanyeol’s strong hand curls posessively around the pit of your elbow, thumb resting on the sharp bone. You gasp and hold your breath, still as a statue as you anticipate his next move. Once he senses your attention, he lets his hand slither down the soft skin of your arm to wrap around your wrist. 

“Wait.” Your name leaves his mouth in a gravelly whisper, causing your stomach to roll nauseatingly. Hesitantly, you turn your body back around to face him, and once your eyes lock, they hold on steadfast, as if that is where they are always meant to be. 

“I….” His sentence gets caught in his throat as he continues staring at you. It’s as though your face is distracting him, rendering him the ability to even speak. There’s a question in his glittery orbs, but you can’t decipher what it is he’s asking.

“What is it?” You ask gently.

That seems to draw him out of his trance. He shakes his head in an attempt to clear it. 

“Did you get my gift?” The way he asks makes your conversation feel more intimate, a private thing between only you.

You know instantly what he’s referencing: the food from earlier. Confirming your suspicions that it was indeed him, although you never had a doubt. 

“I did,” you admit, albeit reluctantly.

His eyes narrow suspiciously. “Did you eat any of it?”

Even more reluctantly, “I did.”

“Good. That’s good.” And he does appear very relieved, knowing you accepted his ‘gift’. “I was worried.”

“Worried about what?” You push.

His eyes cut to you and you almost recoil from the intensity burning within them. “That you wouldn’t eat it, even though you were starving, because you knew it was from me.”

Ah, he still knows you well.

“I’m not that petty,” you mutter.

“Yes you are.” He grins before a thought occurs to him, causing the smile to fall just as quickly as it formed. “At least, you were.”

That kills the peace you two had created.

“Anyways,” he starts, scratching the back of his neck. “I wanted to apologize for the way I acted earlier. It was wrong for me to say all of that. I just, I don’t know, wanted to try to be normal, for Junmyeon’s sake, but….”

He shrugs helplessly, and you feel that–the helplessness. Despite digging this hole, Chanyeol is just as stuck as you are.

“What about this morning was ‘normal’?” You ask, feeling the anguish from earlier take over your body. “You were trying to upset me. Is that what all of this is? One big ploy to make me feel like shit?”

“That’s not….” He lets out a heavy sigh and runs a hand over his face. “I’m really bad at this. I don’t want to fight, I want us to start over. To be friends.”

You give him an incredulous look that he meets earnestly. Looking at him, at that angelic face that was once your whole world, you realize that what he is asking is impossible. There’s too much history here, too many unresolved issues for you both to move forward on friendly terms.

“I don’t know, Chanyeol,” you say quietly. “I think we’re far from becoming friends, and I don’t really want to be. We only have a few more days here, so let’s just keep pretending we don’t know each other. Hell, we don’t even have to pretend. I don’t know you anymore.” 

“And who’s fault is that?” He asks, voice rising in a sudden anger that makes you flinch. “I wasn’t the one who called off the wedding, remember? That was you. You were the one who decided I wasn’t worth forever anymore, not the other way around!”

“Is that what you think?” You hiss, just as upset. “That’s never what I meant! And why would you even care anymore? You’ve moved on, haven’t you? Do I have to keep reminding you that you have a girlfriend?” Who isn’t me, you want to add.

“Why do you keep calling her that?” He asks, exasperated. You’re sure that if he wasn’t still holding onto your wrist like a leash, he’d be pacing the hall. “She’s just my date! We aren’t serious!”

“Does she know that?” You question. “I have a feeling that if I asked, she’d say differently.”

His eyes bounce back and forth between yours, searching for the right answer. He deflates, knowing what it is. “I already told you, I don’t want to fight. I didn’t come here for that.”

“No, because you came here for her.”

You both hear it, the pain that rips from your chest. It causes you both to pause. You’re mortified, and it skyrockets when he seems to soften. He stares down at you fondly, and his stance straightens. 

“I came here to make things right,” he reveals, voice just as tender as his expression. 

“And how are you going to do that?”

“I’m going to take her to lunch as promised.”

You slowly nod at that. “As you should. It’s for the best.”

“Is it?” He questions.

Seulgi’s words echo in your head, “I think Chanyeol is still in love with you.”

And with the way he is admiring you, you can see it. Your heart quickens at the idea of him still wanting you. You want to relish in it, in his affection, his touch. Your attraction for him never completely ceased, no matter how many times you have told yourself otherwise. If you are around him for much longer, you are going to give into the temptation that is his mouth, his big hands, his unbreaking steady gaze.

You want to believe what he just insinuated. He came here to make things right, he said. Not just with Yerim, but maybe with you too. You want to believe that the girl getting ready, oblivious to what’s happening only a few feet away, isn’t the only reason why he is standing before you right now, that you still have a claim on him.

“It has to be.” You tell the both of you, drawing the line in the sand for both not to cross.

And yet he still pushes. “And why is that?”

Because I’m terrified of what will happen if we keep meeting like this.

“Because she’s your date.”

He nods in agreement just as you had before. 

“You want to know the real reason why I brought her,” he asks suddenly.

You should say no. You should walk away and forget the man before you. To keep pretending he means nothing to you. But, the most selfish part of you wins. You need to know. So you nod, allowing him to destroy all pretenses between you both.

“As an excuse,” he whispers, gauging your reaction. “To stay away from you.”

You think you should probably feel angry by his confession, but you don’t. Maybe you’re reading a bit more into it, but you find it has you swooning.

He takes a step forward, causing your head to fall back to keep looking at him. His hand finally falls from your wrist, lifting to cup your jaw, making sure you can’t see anything but him. 

Still in a whisper, he continues. “But since last night, the excuse has changed.”

His thumb caresses your cheek. “Now I’m using her as a way to see you. To talk to you. Because that’s the only way you will.”

“That’s not fair.” 

He smiles ruefully. “It really isn’t, is it?”

You can’t help but scoff. “You’re such an–”

“Asshole?” He finishes with a smug grin. “I know.”

A silence falls over you, and you’re observing him so closely, admiring him in a way that feels so familiar it’s nearly effortless, that you catch the shift. His eyes darken with intent as they latch onto your slightly open mouth with laser focus.

You stiffen in his grip, holding your breath as you wait for him to close the distance. So much for that line in the sand.

His head tilts slightly, hair tickles your forehead, nose brushes against yours.

You can’t.

“I’ll tell Yerim you stopped by,” you let out in a shaky breath, lips nearly brushing against his.

His eyes have fallen shut, and he keeps them closed as he briefly rests his forehead against yours, catching his barings. 

“Right.” Reluctantly, he pulls away, taking steps back so that he’s in the middle of the hallway, and you get a bout of deja vu. You were in a similar situation before, were you not? Only now the roles have reversed.

“Tell her to come to my room when she’s ready.” His tone is professional, no ounce of emotion can be heard, as if he weren’t seconds away from kissing you. 

It makes you cold.

With that, he swiftly turns and heads the two doors down to his own suite.

You stand there for a moment, collecting yourself. You can’t seem to shake off the frigidness that chills you with the lack of his warmth. Your hands go to your jaw, fingers touching  the parts Chanyeol had cradled, fighting the overwhelming need to scream.

You need to tell Yerim her date is ready for her. Right. You slip back into your suite to do just that.

Only to be stopped by Seulgi standing a few feet away, expression hard to read.

A staring match commences. It feels like she’s your parent having caught you red handed trying to creep back into the house after sneaking out.

Yerim comes out of their room, ready to go.

“I thought I heard knocking. Was someone here?” She asks, unaware of the silent battle going on in front of her.

“Chanyeol,” you answer, attention never leaving her sister.

“Who?”

You grit your teeth, growing more agitated with her. How can she not know the name of the man she claims to be falling for?

“Loey stopped by,” Seulgi speaks, voice steel, eyes unwavering. “But you were still getting ready. He asked us to tell you to head over to his room when you were finished. Right?”

The question is aimed at you. She lifts her eyebrow, challenging you to correct her.

“...Right.” You lose the staring contest as you agree, guilt casting your eyes down.

“Oh shit! I need to hurry then!” Yerim runs off.

Your wrist and jaw still burn from the ghost of Chanyeol’s touch.

“The food got here before you did,” are Sehun’s first words when you trudge into his room fifteen minutes later. Seulgi hasn’t spoken a word to you since Yerim left your suite, and you can’t blame her. Although, you wish she’d actually communicate her feelings towards you right now.

You can’t stand her being angry with you.

This is not your first disagreement. You’ve argued numerous times. That doesn’t make it any easier though, especially since you can’t really defend yourself.

“Sorry,” you say distractedly as you search the room for someone in particular. There he is! You march right over to Jongin and throw your arms around his slender torso, burying your head into the crook of his neck.

He freezes only for a second, surprised, and then he’s returning the hug, swaying you back and forth comfortingly. 

“God, you give the best hugs,” you mumble against his warm skin.

He chuckles into your hair. “You seem like you really need one.”

“You have no idea.” Satisfied, you pull back, stewing in your bad mood. He clips your chin fondly and then leads you over to the counter that’s pouring over with food.

You all huddle in the living room, sitting in a circle on the floor. All the groom’s men are present except Chanyeol.

“Oh! I have important news!” Jongdae begins excitedly, gaining everyone’s attention. “Eunhee is pregnant.”

“WHAT?!” You all yell. Eunhee is Jongdae’s longtime girlfriend.

He’s glowing from joy. “I know. I should have told you all yesterday, but there was already a lot going on and Junmyeon was the main event. I didn’t want to take away from him. But, yeah, I’m going to be a father!”

“Is that why she’s not here?” Sehun asks.

Jongdae nods. “She’s not that far along, but we didn’t want to take any risks.”

“Oh, gosh,” Seulgi coos. “I’m so happy for you.”

“I’m going to be an uncle!” Jongin cheers.

“You already are an uncle!” Jongdae points out, reminding Jongin of the fact he has sisters with children.

“Okay, but this is different!”

“So, we have one friend getting married, and now another having a kid.” Baekhyun says, shaking his head in disbelief. “Boy, are we getting old.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you mutter bitterly. Your comment causes the others to chuckle.

“It was bound to happen eventually,” Sehun says, reaching over to pat your back. “But hey, we’re not doing too bad on this life thing. I’m proud of all of us.”

“Do you have any secret lovers or children we should know about?” You ask the proud best man with narrowed eyes.

Sehun rolls his eyes. “As much as I love Busan, I haven’t found anyone that I feel particularly connected to yet. The restaurant keeps me busy. As for children, I have Vivi, and I enjoy spoiling that boy too much. I don’t think I’m ready to have another one.”

“Vivi?” Seulgi asks skeptically. He merely shrugs.

Vivi is his dog.

“I know it’s a rather touchy subject,” Jongdae begins. “But you haven’t been with anyone since Chanyeol, have you?”

Just hearing his name causes your palms to sweat. You have to actively avoid glancing at Seulgi to gauge her reaction.

“I mean,” you start carefully. “I have needs. But, no. I haven’t been with anyone seriously since. To be honest, I think it’s been a year since I last humored anyone.”

“It’s the same for him too, you know?” Baekhyun reveals.

“Where’s the bathroom?” Seulgi abruptly asks Sehun, who shows her. She excuses herself and it’s silent as you all watch her disappear. Once she’s gone, all eyes are on you.

“Chanyeol told me about bringing a date,” Baekhyun admits in a hurry, sensing that you’re on borrowed time. “He told me it was because he couldn’t face you alone. I told him that was the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard. But you know Yeol, once he’s made up his mind about something, there’s no talking him out of it.”

“I know,” you answer quietly. He couldn’t face you alone? Well, it does line up to what he revealed earlier, that he brought Yerim as a way to avoid you. God, what an idiot.

“He’s an asshole,” Jongin speaks up. You lift an eyebrow at that, Jongin isn’t one to be so… vulgar. “And just so you know, we’re all on your side.”

“Hell yeah, we are.” Jongdae agrees, holding up a fist. “Fighting.”

“He shouldn’t have pretended to not know us,” Baekhyun frowns. He must still be hurting over his best friend’s rejection.

“It wasn’t smart.” Sehun turns to you. “Did you talk to Yerim?”

“I was going to,” you start and he groans. “Sehun, really! I was! But then Chanyeol showed up and whisked her away. That’s why she’s not here right now.”

“He really has a lot of balls, bringing another girl knowing you were going to be here,” Jongdae seethes. 

“Guys,” you’re quick to defend. “It’s been years. He’s allowed to bring whoever he wants. Allowed to date whoever he wants. We’re no longer together.”

They all scoff.

“I know it’s not my place,” Baekhyun, king instigator, begins. “But you and Yeol were perfect together. You complete each other, and neither one of you have been the same since the breakup. I genuinely hope that the two of you can work it out.”

“As soon as he gets rid of that high schooler,” Jongin adds.

“She’s in college,” you correct weakly.

Conversation finally turns to something else, and it’s perfect timing because Seulgi rejoins right after.

You spend the next hour chatting and goofing off. It feels so good to be back with your closest friends. You can’t help but get nostalgic, comparing the people you all are today to the carefree group of kids you were when you all first got together.

Unfortunately, time flies by while having fun, and the boys have a bachelor’s party to throw.

“I wish I were a boy. That way I could tag along,” you say forlornly.

“Junmyeon wants you both there!” Jongin says, swinging your hands in his. “Just come.”

“We can’t,” Seulgi declines. “It wouldn’t look good. Watch over our boy though. Show him a good time.”

“I told him we should’ve gone to the states,” Baekhyun sighs dramatically. “We could’ve gone to Las Vegas, gone to a strip club!”

At the mention of a strip club, both Baekhyun and Jongin start doing body rolls. Jongdae pretends to make money rain on them.

“Don’t get him fucked up!” You threaten, pointing at the kinky troublemakers. “Tomorrow is going to be the most important day of his life, and he cannot be hungover through it!”

“Ma’am, yes, Ma’am,” Jongdae and Baekhyun salute before giggling to each other.

Yeah, that didn’t look good.

“I’m not drinking,” Sehun reassures, throwing an arm around your shoulders. “As best man, I have to make sure everyone makes it back to the hotel in one piece.”

“You sure it’s not because Junmyeon punished you for this morning?” You tease.

He shoves you away. “Just for that, you’re not coming.”

You stick your tongue out at him. “I wasn’t going anyway, Nerd.”

You all head out of Sehun’s suite. Seulgi and you wave them farewell as they make their way to the elevators.

Seulgi sighs once it’s just the two of you. “I’m jealous.”

“Same. They’re our friends too.”

You both share a watery pout and then Seulgi is pulling out her key to enter the room.

“Wait.” You rest your hand over hers. She lifts her eyebrows expectantly at you. “I’m sorry.”

She takes a deep breath and rubs her temples. “This is so fucked. I hate lying to Yerim like this.”

“I know,” you say. “You’re now caught in the middle of something that has nothing to do with you. I’m going to fix this. Yerim should be back now. I’ll tell her everything. I promise.”

She gives you a weak smile before pulling you in for a hug. “Thank you.”

“You’re my best friend,” you answer simply. “My sister. Both of you are. It’ll be easier on everyone once Yerim knows.”

“I love you too,” she replies. That brings a goofy grin out of you, knowing that you’re forgiven.

Visibly in a better mood, she enters the hotel room in a flourish.

Only for you both to stop dead in your tracks when you see Yerim sobbing in the living room.

“Yerim!” Seulgi rushes over to her sister. You join a bit later, apprehension slowing your limbs as you hover over the bawling girl. “What is it? What happened?”

“Loey!” She wails. You share a nervous look with Seulgi. “Loey broke up with me!”

series m.list | main m.list

previous chapter | next chapter

[gimme-mor]

ACOTAR THINK PIECE: ELAIN ARCHERON, UNTOUCHABLE

*DISCLAIMER*

This will be a long post.

Please take the time to read this post in its entirety and truly reflect on the message I am trying to send before commenting. My goal is to use my background in Gender and Women’s Studies to deconstruct the comments I have seen on Tumblr and Twitter and bring awareness to the ACOTAR fandom.

The reason I am tagging “Elriel” in this post is to call attention to the arguments in the Elriel fandom that: weaponize Elain’s femalehood to shame real life people for their opinions about Elain’s character and her relationship with Lucien; victimize Elain’s character in fandom discussions; and coddle Elain’s character, which limits fandom discussions about her narrative development and prevents the ACOTAR fandom from holding Elain accountable for her actions and inactions in the same way that the fandom holds other characters accountable for their actions and inactions. It is for these reasons that I WILL NOT remove the “Elriel” tag from this post because all of the above points contribute to the toxic discourse surrounding Elain’s character.

I urge those who use these arguments to understand their implications, why they are problematic, regardless of intent, and reexamine their contributions to the ACOTAR fandom. I WILL NOT tolerate anyone who tries to twist my words and say I am attacking people and their personal shipping preferences. In fact, I AM CRITIQUING THE ARGUMENTS THEMSELVES NOT THE PEOPLE USING THE ARGUMENTS.

Also, I highly encourage the Elriel fandom to read this post because it addresses how the concept of choice as an argument enables arguments to exploit social justice and feminist languge in order to vilify Elucien shippers, among other problematic things.

Elain Archeron is one of the most polarizing characters in the ACOTAR fandom. Though opinions about Elain vary, arguments in the Elriel fandom cite society’s perception of traditional female characters in comparison to non-traditional female characters as the reason behind the hate, and this belief is used to provide an explanation as to why other characters in the series are favored over her. In the series, Elain is portrayed in a wholly positive light and this image carries over into the Elriel fandom, painting her character as a good and kind female who has been unfairly wronged and a victim of circumstances that were out of her control. When arguments in the Elriel fandom oppose other viewpoints in the fandom, they fall into one of three categories:

Category 1: Weaponize Elain’s femalehood to shame real life people for their opinions

Maybe people who hate Elain are just jealous of her in a weird way similar to when someone hates the pretty, nice, and charming girl in school just because she is too perfect

Disliking Elain is misogynistic

What happened to feminism? What happened to women supporting women? What happened to she can say no? All of that disappears the second you force Elain to be with Lucien

Elain antis are misogynistic

All Eluciens are Elain antis

Antis claiming they’re feminists when in reality they hate on Elain and Feyre but love Nesta

Elain antis are such sore losers. Y’all were that bunch of people who could not get over being rejected from hanging out with the cool kids so y’all are projecting your hatred towards pretty people now to get validation

I don’t get how Elain’s love for gardening equals boring for some people. I’m sorry your misogyny finds traditionally feminine activities boring

Why are you attacking a female? What did Elain do? Where are your feminist voices?

The fandom is misogynistic towards Elain

If people loved Elain they would ship Elriel

If you hate Elain it says a lot about your feelings toward women

If you hate Elain because she has no “development” then you must hate Azriel because otherwise you’re misogynistic

Eluciens are turned off by the idea of a woman that has the autonomy to reject a man for the simple reason that it is her choice

Eluciens are all about feminism and “it’s HER choice” until it comes down to females not wanting a male

Eluciens don’t respect Elain’s feelings when they ship her with someone that was part of her trauma and makes her feel uncomfortable

The way some Elucien shippers completely disregard how uncomfortable Elain is around Lucien is so hilariously not funny. Prioritizing being mates over Elain’s feelings is just regressive

It’s hard as a fan of Elain to see someone ship her with a person who makes her physically uncomfortable to be around. Wouldn’t you want both characters to be happy to be around each other

Imagine if SJM saw all the awful things her “stans” had to say about Elain

It’s true that we know comparatively little about her, but is she really boring or do you just not value stereotypically feminine traits?

So y’all are just gonna tell me you prefer Elucien over Elriel? Even though Lucien treats Elain as if she’s something that belongs to him? The only reason he wants to be with her is because she’s his mate, he doesn’t respect her, doesn’t treat her as his equal, even though that’s what mates should be? He doesn’t bother to look past what’s on the outside to see her for who she is. And Elain is obviously repulsed by the idea that she should belong to anyone or have no choice in who she can be with. Azriel is her friend and the only person who sees her quiet strength. He has so much faith in her, in her abilities; he’s the one who kept her company when no one else did, he’s the only one who bothered to see her for more than her brokenness. You’re going to tell me you still prefer Elucien over Elriel?

The more I see Gwynriels that ship Elucien out of their hate for Elain, the less I can understand Elain stans that ship Elucien. Pls Elain has made it very clear that she doesn’t want Lucien, why would you ship her with him? Do you hate her too? Smh

The real question would be, if you care and understand Elain why would you ship her with Lucien (where she canonically shrinks when he is near)?

People crying over Helion and Lucien’s mom not getting to be with each other and her being forced into a relationship she didn’t want, but also ship Elucien? Just say you hate Elain

When Elain’s book is out, Gwyn stans will look like clowns and I will laugh because they set her up by shipping her with Azriel just because they hate Elain. Watch them play the victims now because Elriels are clapping back the hate they’ve sent towards Elain

As romantic as wanting girl who is visibly uncomfortable around a guy who caused her trauma to end up with the said guy. Guess their standards for romance are in hell

Category 2: Victimize Elain’s character

Gwynriels only want Gwyn with Azriel because they despise Elain

Gwyn stans and Gwynriels are Elain antis

No one in the books dislike Elain, so why are there so many people who do?

Elain hasn’t done anything wrong or questionable to warrant the hate she gets

Not having Elain’s POV makes it easy for people to be swayed a certain way about her character if you already don’t relate to her in some way

It’s been years since this series came out and we haven’t gotten a lick of an Elain POV, but people still hate her for what? We don’t know her thoughts, dreams, or aspirations

We haven’t even had Elain’s perspective yet and people are passing these judgments off on her

Elain antis who say she’s boring are just cruel when she has obvious symptoms of PTSD like Feyre and Nesta

Gwyn is one of the most overhyped characters and that’s only because most people hate Elain and they couldn’t wait to find a random girl to ship Azriel with

Nesta was abusive to her sisters but Elain (who has only ever been kind) is painted as the villain

From the text we know that Elain is the epitome of feminine stereotypes (gentle, gardening, baking, non confrontational for the most part). Yet people still call her boring or deny that she has any interesting character traits?

You can’t love Nesta and hate Elain

People hate Elain because of internalized misogyny and lack of taste. All the girl does is tend to her garden and mind her business and they treat her worse than Tamlin

Does Gwyn deserve all this support? Of course yes! She is amazing! But where’s that support when Elain was in the same situation as she? Where’s that support for her right now? Why do they idolize Gwyn for her interactions with Azriel and hate Elain for having any interaction with him?

It’s not even a ship war anymore, they just hate Elain

People hate Elain for no reason

Some of y’all don’t like feminine traits and it shows

We know less about Eris and Helion but people don’t call them boring. Why would rejecting femininity make Elain more interesting?

Elain has had a lot forced upon her

The main reason I believe most people love Gwyn so much is to get Azriel away from Elain. It’s not a secret that Elain has been a widely hated character for years so suddenly we get a new female who has a minimal amount of interactions with Azriel and BOOM. New ship that once again doesn’t make sense (just like Azriel x Emerie after ACOFAS)

Elain hasn’t done something so terrible for her to get this hate. At this point some of you are just being misogynistic and you don’t want to accept it. Don’t call yourselves feminists and then say bs like this, it’s embarrassing. She’s pretty and everyone agreed to hate on her

Just a personal feeling, but I feel like a lot of the Elain hate stems from internalized misogyny. That to be a strong female lead, you need to pick up a sword and fight. That to be strong, you need to adapt traditionally masculine traits

Elain is feminine. She is beautiful. She loves to bake and garden. She is docile, quiet, observant, and a people-pleaser. All traditionally feminine traits. Yet for some reason, she’s like the worst in these people’s eyes?

I think also maybe a lot of people can’t relate to her femininity? That her being so beautiful and quiet doesn’t allow for the people who dislike her not to self-insert? Most of the hate stems from people not wanting Elain to be with Azriel. It’s mean, but maybe the people who hate Elain literally just can’t self-insert if they have a story and that’s why they’re vehemently against it?

Poor Elain. The Cauldron dealt her a bad deal. Upon emerging as Fae, she is immediately declared by Lucien as his mate, never mind that she was already engaged to a prick. Her love life is not good

It blows my mind how they really think that they can compare all the shit that Elain gets with some dumb jokes about Gwyn on Twitter (and yes, the “hate” towards her started mostly because Elriels are clapping back, it was bound to happen)

I would think of it as anti-feminist with Elain and Lucien because she has consistently stated that she does not want him so if she was forced to embrace the bond that would be taking away her right to have a choice but with Az she feels comfortable around so if they were mates then Elain would be happy and feel safe which again should be the priority for women to feel safe in their relationships with anything and to not be forced into any type of situation aka the mating bond in this

Category 3: Coddle Elain’s character

Elain has value the way she is, in all her domestic girly glory. Not every character has to be badass

We don’t speak of Elain’s flaws frequently because everyone else already speaks badly of her, mainly in an unfair way

There is definitely something deeper going on with Elain but by no means will she ever be evil or any less feminine. That goes against everything we already know about her

It’s ok to critique Elain because she needs growth but y’all keep forgetting the shit her and her sisters went through

The last “bad” thing Elain did in ACOTAR was not help Feyre when they were impoverished and I’m tired of people acting like she’s a terrible character when it was their father’s responsibility. It happened 4 books ago and Feyre has forgiven both Nesta and Elain

Elain’s character and the evil Elain theory are a great example of the trend where people only consider female characters interesting if they reject femininity

We don’t know enough to hate Elain

Many people want Elain to turn evil (which in my opinion seems to come from a place of internalized misogyny)

However we don’t tend to talk about her faults, at least not publicly, as that has been, and still is, done to death, and I--personally, at least--find it much more fun to theorise about potentially interesting aspects of the overall plot, than dwell on negatives

And ultimately, I would be shocked if Elain has a more karmically-charged story than Nesta, considering that Elain’s “wrongs” are so much less severe and bad than Nesta’s, and Elain has already apologized for them (or paid the price in other ways, like through what Graysen did)

I guess I also think Elain has suffered and been punished enough. I hope her story is about finding hope in terrible situations, and learning to love her new life, and choosing her own path after everything that has been done to her. I don’t think she needs to be punished anymore or face any additional trauma

Also, why is she being judged on her decisions as a human at all? Fae are monsters to humans! They enslaved them for thousands of years, and the Wall was erected to keep them out

Like I’m sorry, but think Elain would want to leave her ONLY FAMILY AND FRIENDS for the Spring Court where she has no one because--oh look, lots of flowers!--is the craziest thing I have ever heard

Her sisters are in the Night Court. Her nephew is in the Night Court. Her closest friends (Nuala and Cerridwen) are in the Night Court. Her love interest is in the Night Court. Her extended family is in the Night Court. Her home is in the Night Court

SJM isn’t going to keep two sisters together and split up the third. Especially not keep Feyre and Nesta together and separate Elain. They were either all going to end up in separate places, or together. Not 2 here and 1 there

Compared to the other female characters in the series, Elain is the only character whose femalehood is at the center of conversations; this is because arguments in the Elriel fandom fixate on it when discussing her character. While Elain, Feyre, Nesta, and Mor are all representations of white womanhood and white beauty, Elain epitomizes the most fragile version of white womanhood. It’s easy to blame society’s perception of traditional female characters in comparison to non-traditional female characters when it comes to the discourse surrounding Elain’s character because it: falls in line with the fixation on Elain’s femalehood to silence opposing viewpoints; is a simplistic explanation that fails to tackle the underlying issues with Elain as a character, the same issues that are downplayed in-universe; absolves Elain of her wrongdoings; prevents the ACOTAR fandom from holding Elain accountable for her actions and inactions within the series; and diminishes the impact Elain’s actions and inactions have on those around her. It’s not that Elain is hated in the fandom because she’s a traditional female character; it’s the fact that arguments in the Elriel fandom deflect a critical analysis of Elain’s character because she’s a traditional female character who embodies the ideal white woman in need of protection. White fans and white-aligned fans of color, especially white women, have a tendency to vehemently defend, gatekeep, and coddle white female characters in fandom; this makes it difficult for other fans to engage in critical discussions about these white female characters because they’re viewed as flawless and all around perfect characters despite evidence to the contrary. Since Elain is viewed positively by the other characters in the series, it has rendered her character untouchable to any perceived slight or criticism in fandom discussions because those negative opinions challenge what has been said about her character thus far. And as a result, her character has been placed on a pedestal and implicitly hailed as the epitome of white womanhood; and when she’s criticized, it’s seen as a direct attack against white womanhood. Arguments in the Elriel fandom: exploit feminist language and perpetuate white feminist tactics under the guise of defending Elain’s character; center Elain in conversations about female oppression in the ACOTAR world and uphold white feminist ideologies in their critique of ACOTAR’s patriarchal society; and use the fragile white woman narrative to victimize Elain in Lucien’s presence, playing into racial biases that are associated with white supremacy’s defense of white womanhood.

Feminism is a social movement that seeks to promote equality and equity to all genders, and feminists work toward eradicating gender disparities on a macro-level, in addition to challenging gender biases on a micro-level. As feminism became more mainstream, a flat and oversimplified version of feminism emerged: mainstream feminism. The mainstream feminist movement is meant to represent all women, but rarely does it center conversations around issues that concern most women. The problem with mainstream feminism is that it’s just a popularized version of white feminism. White feminism has relied extensively on an individualized understanding of women’s oppression, exclusively from the lens of privileged white women. White feminism only focuses on the oppression experienced by white, able-bodied, affluent, educated, cishet women; and it views gender as the key mode of privileged white women’s oppression, isolated from the privileges granted by their other social identities. White women can be and are oppressed under the patriarchy but only because they are women; their identity as women does not exempt them from the privileges granted by their whiteness. The term white feminist does not mean any feminist who is white, but refers to feminists who prioritize the concerns of privileged white women as though they are representative of all women. However, the term is not exclusive to white people. Because white feminism is so pervasive, people of other racial and ethnic backgrounds often buy into white feminism, believing that if they work hard enough, they may be able to reap its rewards.

Just like white feminism, mainstream feminism only recognizes the identity of being a woman, assumes that all women share common experiences of gender oppression, fails to address other social identities in relation to overlapping systems of oppression, and disregards privilege in relation to various social identities. Just like white feminism, mainstream feminism is palatable because it doesn’t seek to challenge the systems in place, instead its goal is to succeed within them. Essentially, mainstream feminism and white feminism are extensions of performative feminism. Performative feminism is a type of performative activism that’s used to describe feminist views that are surface level and solely for the benefit of one type of person. It’s a pretense which often has nothing to do with genuine activism. Arguments in the Elriel fandom normalize and promote performative feminism because the topic of feminism is only referenced when discussing Elain. This indicates that these arguments are engaging in disingenuous discourse to push a personal agenda within the ACOTAR fandom, and it becomes more apparent when they use white feminist tactics to shut down opposing viewpoints:

White feminists weaponize and exploit feminist language to silence the opinions of other women, especially when they’re called out for their problematic behaviors

White feminists use the phrase “Women supporting women” to defend other white feminists who exhibit problematic behaviors instead of holding them accountable 

White feminists weaponize phrases like “Women supporting women” and “You just hate women” to attack other women who disagree with them on any given topic

White feminists use phrases like “All women face challenges” and “Stop pitting women against each other” to sidestep conversations about privilege

White feminists divert conversations away from privilege and towards the Trauma Olympics to equate their struggles to the oppression of marginalized people 

White feminists skirt around the realities of other forms of oppression and discrimination, downplaying the experiences of marginalized people

White feminists diminish or ignore the ways in which gender oppression affects other marginalized people

White feminists paint those they harmed as aggressive, mean, or divisive when confronted with the ways they have harmed a marginalized group

White feminists deflect criticism by focusing on the anger or emotions being expressed rather than the issue that is being discussed, invalidating the concerns of marginalized people

White feminists speak over marginalized voices in an attempt to sound “woke”

White feminists get defensive and insist there’s no way they could be a part of the problem because of what they’ve done to help marginalized groups already 

White feminists say they don’t see color in an attempt to obscure racial issues that need to be addressed

White feminists center and victimize themselves in conversations about racism, which derails necessary conversations from taking place

White feminists who are white weaponize the intersectionality of their race and gender to avoid accountability

Feminism is not meant to be approached from an individualistic perspective nor is it only about addressing the experiences of privileged white women, it involves addressing the intersections of race, class, gender, sexuality, (dis)ability, and other social identities as well; and it involves addressing how these social identities relate to privilege. Moreover, feminism is not about women upholding complete loyalty to other women because of a shared gender identity, and to claim that it does implies that women should be held to different emotional standards than men. If men are able to dislike and criticize other individual men, real or fictional, without their characters being compromised, why aren’t women granted that same privilege?

It’s clear that SJM set up the ACOTAR world to mirror a patriarchal society, and that the imbalance of power between males and females stems from sexism. Arguments in the Elriel fandom analyze the ACOTAR world through a feminist lens to show how ACOTAR’s patriarchal society, to which the mating bond is innately tied, contributes to female oppression and limits their agency. When choice and free will are emphasized as part of Elain’s arc, they imply that Elain, through the mating bond, experiences female oppression under ACOTAR’s patriarchal society because of her identity as a female with that identity being the focal point of her oppression in the world. Elain is one of the most privileged characters in the ACOTAR world: she’s High Fae; she’s the sister of the High Lord and High Lady of the Night Court, which gives her access to wealth and political influence because of that connection; she’s able-bodied; she was magically blessed by the Cauldron; and she lives in Velaris, a place that grants females autonomy and power because of the beliefs of Rhysand and Feyre. Arguments in the Elriel fandom trivialize female oppression in the ACOTAR world because they disregard the fact that Elain’s privileges prevent her from experiencing female oppression in the same way that other marginalized females in the world do. The mating bond being one such example because those around Elain are not forcing the bond on her, instead they’re allowing Elain to reach a decision about the bond for herself; a privilege that other marginalized females in the world probably wouldn’t have. Just because Elain has endured hardships in her life and is a female in a patriarchal society, they do not erase the privileges she holds within the ACOTAR world. The failure to include Elain’s privileges in discussions about Elain being a female in a patriarchal society feeds into white feminist ideologies because white feminism operates from a very narrow perspective; it doesn’t take other intersecting identities into account when it examines gender oppression, leaving no room for discussions about privilege (or lack thereof) in relation to those intersecting identities. When discussing oppression in hierarchical societies, it’s imperative that privilege is also included in the conversation because privilege and oppression are not mutually exclusive; they equally affect the ways in which people navigate those societies through their social identities.

Rather than attributing Elain’s uncomfortability to her new life as a Fae female or the mating bond itself and her trauma to the Cauldron, the King of Hybern, or Ianthe, they’re placed on Lucien to cast his character in a negative light. Moreover, fandom discussions portray Lucien as a possessive character to further emphasize Elain’s discomfort despite the inaccuracy of this characterization in canon. Arguments in the Elriel fandom play into racial biases when it comes to Lucien (a male character of color) because they mischaracterize his character in order to victimize Elain (a white female character), placing her character in the role of the white damsel in distress. In Western society, the concept of womanhood has been conceptualized from a Eurocentric perspective with femininity and feminine attributes favoring white women. It’s the idea that a certain type of femininity is only inherent to white women as they are seen as the embodiment of an ideal womanhood. White womanhood has been a symbol of innocence and purity, and white women have been viewed as fragile beings in need of protection. The reason white womanhood functions within white supremacy is because it’s the same idea that has motivated white men to kill and beat black and brown men. The so-called protection of white women has been used as a justification for the horrific violence committed by white men because black and brown men were stereotyped as aggressive and seen as a threat to the virtue of white women. The white damsel in distress trope considered white women as worthy of protection because of their perceived innocence and purity; women of color were not granted that same treatment because they did not fit into the ideal image of womanhood. Over the years, this trope became a means for white women to exercise limited power in a patriarchal society with white women weaponizing their status as the damsel much to the detriment of black and brown men. It’s through the white damsel in distress trope that white supremacy sustains its dominance in Western society. The misrepresentation of characters of color in fandom, the dismissal of their importance to the overall story, and using them as tools in arguments centered around white characters are the foundation of fandom racism; they’re examples of how racism moves silently in fandom spaces. Instead of examining their behavior and taking constructive criticism from fans of color, white fans will often double down on their bigotry and center their uncomfortability in the conversation when confronted with their complicity in fandom racism. White fans expect fans of color to swallow fandom racism in its many forms in order to not ruin the experience of fandom, dismissing the fact that racism is prevalent in nearly every aspect of society. This mentality ensures that no one is held accountable for the harm they caused and alienates fans of color in fandom spaces.

To reiterate what I mentioned in my first think piece: terms like “oppression”, “the right to choose”, “feminist”, “feminism”, “anti-feminist”, “anti-feminism”, “internalized misogyny”, “misogyny”, “misogynist”, “sexist”, “sexism”, “racist”, “racism”, “classist”, “classism”, “discrimination”, and “patriarchy” are all used in specific ways to draw attention to the plight of marginalized people and challenge those who deny the existence of systems of oppression. Yet these words and their meanings can be twisted to attack, exclude, and invalidate people with differing opinions on any given topic. When social justice and feminist terms are thrown around antagonistically and carelessly to push a personal agenda, it becomes clear that these terms are being used to engage in disingenuous discourse and pursue personal validation rather than being used out of any deep-seated conviction to dismantle systemic oppression. Being an ally, activist, or feminist is not an identity, it’s a practice. It requires: ongoing self-reflection; holding ourselves accountable; listening to marginalized people; educating ourselves; dismantling implicit biases; challenging those around us who are exhibiting problematic behaviors; and action behind our words.

It’s important to be aware of the language that is used within the fandom when defending or critiquing characters and ships. It’s also important to question how an argument is framed and why it’s framed the way that it is to critically examine the intent behind that argument: is it used as a tool to push a personal agenda that reinforces problematic behaviors, or is it used as an opportunity to share, learn, enlighten, and educate?

-----------

Tagging: @spell-cleavers @bookofmirth @m0bulidae @ilya-boltagon