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wannaeatramyeon · 2 years ago

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Gun Park x Reader: this is our place (we make the rules)

Chapter 10 - Probably should read ch1 first

Gun doesn’t think of them as love letters.

Everything that he has written or typed, more a statement of fact rather than him dwelling too much on the words.

He tells you he thinks about you because he does.

He tells you he misses you because he does.

He tells you you have a hold on him because you do.

Gun’s train of thought, as he admits that he misses you - a startling vulnerability that he has never exposed or felt before, does not follow his usual logic.

He thinks having it spoken, not written, makes it less of a weakness. Simply because it’s less tangible. Invisible.

A confession made all the more intimate spoken in the dead of night. Travelling hundreds of miles, across seas and valleys and fields, to reach your ears.

Which makes everything he does, all the more romantic. Because Gun Park does it without thinking, without logic.

He just is. Innately so.

An unforeseen characteristic that only you could tease out.

You read and re-read the messages until you could recite them, imagine his fingers gliding over the screen when he has something to tell you.

Scan over the images, inspecting each and every pixel. A glimpse into this side of his life that you’re not privy to but he is slowly inviting you in.

Listen to the voice message so much that you think you would be able to pick out his sigh like you can his handwriting; the timbre and inflection and articulation as unique as a fingerprint.

The day of Gun’s return draws nearer.

You find yourself staying at his place later and later. Eventually sleeping over every night, curled up on the sofa like a cat.

In case you hear the click of the front door, the footsteps, that sigh.

Every small noise makes you jump.

8:37pm

They finally concluded all business. Everything went to plan, everything running to schedule.

Gun and Goo didn’t even make it back to the hotel for a night of rest.

Instead, they climb into the car, racing to Seoul and chasing the sun across the sky as darkness and starlight followed. Roads turned from dusty tracks into tarmacked lanes and then super highways.

Your texts start to come through at once.

“Is that Y/N?” the curious blonde tries to peer over.

“Focus on the road.”

Gun’s voice comes out amused without meaning to. He couldn’t hide the smile on his face as he scrolls through your messages.

Even though he mentioned he would not be able to contact you, your fingers still twitch when anything, no matter how minute, happens or a random thought pops into your head - Gun being the first person you want to tell.

You draw back at first, not wanting to bombard him with messages when he is unable to receive them.

In the end, you give in.

Besides, you reason, it's nice to know when someone is thinking about you.

10:48pm

Goo feels the eyes burning into the side of his head. Had felt it for probably a good minute how. It's unnerving.

"Can't you drive any faster?" Gun growls.

“What you in such a rush for?"

“...”

“I’m not going to drive any faster with you glaring at me, you bastard!”

“...”

“Stop looking at me!”

"..."

Ugh. Goo presses down on the accelerator.

The speed increases from 120kmh to 130, ticking up to 140... 150... 160 and higher still.

"You're paying for any speeding fines!"

Gun never thought he would fall for someone.

And never that the way to his heart is through his stomach.

Because even with the push and pull of your blossoming relationship, that was how it all started wasn’t it?

He realised fully how he felt about you, the depths of his affection, with the first picture he sent, when he said that your food tastes better.

It’s the truth.

Goo had declared his meal the most delicious thing he has ever had in his mouth with a suggestive waggle of the brows.

To Gun it was bland and tasteless. Goo, in disbelief, stole a bite from his plate then looked at him like there was something severely wrong with him.

Maybe there is.

Each time he read a message from you, it was a dopamine hit straight to his brain and his heart.

Something to look forward to after a long day.

Gun doesn’t remember ever feeling so tired with work, especially not when there is the thrill of a fight waiting just around a corner.

Now all his thoughts are invaded by you.

He lies in bed awake at night wondering what you are doing.

12:35am

"I've been driving non stop for 4 hours man!"

"..."

"Either we pull in at the rest stop or I piss on you. You choose."

Gun doesn't want to test him. Usually one to be so meticulous about his car but the blonde menace might just really do it. The possibility is, worryingly, not at zero.

"Just hurry the fuck up."

Gun can barely believe it. Usually one to bide his time and wait, to lament the end of fights and violence; now he's rushing home to see you.

The business trip was nothing short of a complete success.

They’ve expanded HNH’s influence, secured a promising business partner and pocketed themselves a pretty penny.

Goo had even made himself a secret friend. He thought for sure he was going to have to fight Gun for them, the person fitting all their criteria:

Excellent fighter with ample raw talent, patient and shrewd, the fun side of mentally unwell.

"Wanna flip for them?" Goo nudged his partner.

"You can have them."

1:01am

There's a convenience store selling bouquets when they stop.

As Gun waits for Goo, he wonders if this will be too much.

1:15am

"Huh. Gun Park pulling out all the stops? I never thought I'd see the day."

Goo comments on the bouquet as soon as he sees it. Gun ignores him, studying the flowers in his hands. He nearly went for red roses until he saw the pink camellias.

It's the same shade as your lips.

2:18am

Goo pulls up with a screech outside the building, streets empty and only the sound of his engine purring filling the early morning air.

"Don't say I never do anything for you, you bastard."

"...Thanks."

2:24am

Gun spots your shoes in the hallway.

Had wanted to bang on your door anyway despite the early hours. Held back just enough to collect his thoughts. This just makes it easier.

He takes his own shoes off and softly lowers his duffle bag, holds the flowers in his hand feeling like a fool with their first crush.

Which is true, he supposes.

The apartment smells like you, your scent lingering in the air. Sweet and fragrant.

With quiet, measured steps, he strides through his home. Something in him knows where you are. Senses your presence like it calls out to him.

Gun sees you fast asleep on the sofa. Wrapped in a blanket and remote control held loosely. In the background, the TV hums, low and almost muted. Casting everything in artificial light.

He plucks the remote from your hand, rests it and the camellias on the floor.

You stir at the disturbance.

“Gun?” you murmur, sitting up, trying to see if it really is him.

“I’m back.” He tucks your hair behind your ear with a gentle hand.

You blink the sleep out of your eyes until they adjust and focus.

Gun Park.

That face and company you have so dearly missed.

“Hi,” you whisper, shy and face blooming under the intensity of his gaze.

“Hi.”

The moment is desperately sentimental and soft and everything that Gun isn’t, but completely is with you.

"These are for you," and he nods at the bouquet on the floor and you burn crimson.

Pink camellias. Longing. You wonder if Gun even realised. But even if he didn't... he got flowers. For you. You don't know what to do with how full your heart is.

"T-thank you."

Gun gives you a small smile, the one that makes his eyes crinkle and light up, and you smile back. That smile he has missed more than he thought he was capable of.

His eyes drop and follow the curve of your lips, the slant of your mouth.

He can’t resist.

Gun curls his hand under your chin, running his thumb along your bottom lip, feeling your small intake of breath as you gasp. He has never wanted anyone, anything more.

“I’ve missed you,” you whisper as Gun leans his forehead against yours.

“Me too.”

You glance up from his lips to find his black eyes staring back.

What should have been intimidating from the start, yet you never thought it was. How can you ever find them intimidating when he looks at you like you’re everything.

Gun tilts forward, just slightly.

Enough to slot your mouths together. A tender caress of the lips.

Tentative, like you’re fragile and could break any second. Like this is fragile and could break any second.

This will never do, you think.

So you kiss back with all the energy you have, throwing your heart into it, desperate and a little messy-

Until Gun matches you beat for beat. Smiling and humming against your lips.

Until he’s the one taking charge. Kissing you deep and passionate as you hit the back of the sofa, arms wrapping around you. Rough and a different type of desperate, teeth nipping at your lips.

Gun wants you and he wants this and-

He pulls back, leaving you chasing and whining.

He’s got so much on this, so much to lose. He’s never been in this position before. Never wanted something so at odds with everything he has ever known.

Never done this before, feeling a fear that he's not sure he likes.

His gaze pierces into your soul.

“I need this to be real.”

Is that all?

And you tell him,

"It is. This was real from the very beginning."

Your pour everything into the next kiss and Gun has no choice but to believe you.

#pls pls tell me if this doesnt land and im happy to rewrite #ive read and edited it so many times that nothing makes sense anynmore #lookism #lookism webtoon #lookism x reader #lookism manhwa #lookism fanfic #lookism fics #gun park #park jonggun #gun park x reader #park jonggun x reader #wannaeatramyeon

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homeless202 · 1 year ago

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I’m new here and I absolutely love your type of blogs with analysis and meta and long texts~~

I was wondering—is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship the kind that could be interpreted as romantic?

first of all, welcome and ty! and sorry it took me so long to reply, i hope u're still around anon. now to answer ur question

i'll take this opportunity to share all my thoughts on the topic bc i have Many.

TLDR: it is possible to read it as romantic if you really want to, but it's not meant to (at least not as of right now in the story aka ch.224)

deep dive under the cut as to why

-> can Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship be interpreted as romantic?

i like how you phrased that bc, the thing is, interpretation is very subjective. you're welcome and allowed to interpret things however you want, but in EY&HJ's case, i feel like you'd have to work a lil extra hard to get to that point.

-> is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship meant to be interpreted as romantic?

this one's easy bc no. objectively Not. the genre of No Home is drama and slice of life (and once upon a time, horror). even if they were to ever end up in a romantic relationship, that's not what the story is about.

when i ask myself what the author's intention is with this story, i'd say it's to (realistically) portray how a young person with trauma would navigate another young person's trauma. and showing how easy it is to unintentionally fuck it up for various reasons: lacking context as to what exactly said trauma is, generally not knowing how to navigate it, their own trauma getting in the way, lacking the necessary resources. take your pick.

think of it like "how should i carry someone else's baggage when i have my own to deal with?" while also keeping in mind they're kids; they often don't have enough experience to know how to help, and even when they know what the right thing to do is, they're not old enough to take (legal) action.

and especially, the most heart-breaking yet realistic thing, when you're just getting to know someone, you can't know everything about them. it's so easy to accidentally do or say sth that cuts or offends when it wasn't meant to. but when they've got their own issues, it's hard not to take it personally (eg. EY talking about HJ's parents without knowing his mom died not long ago in the beginning of the story).

-> what even is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship??

this one's so funny bc i have no idea how to answer and i'm convinced not even EY and HJ themselves would know how to answer. they're not really friends; they got off on the wrong foot and kept walking with two left feet way too much to call themselves friends. the things that pushed them together the most were the dorms (not anymore) and the same friend group (more or less since EY has multiple).

what fits them best i'd say is "the universe forced us together against our will and now we're stuck with one another altho we hate each other" (<- at least in the beginning) extended with the "misery loves company" sentiment. finding comfort in someone who gets it, even tho they only kinda get it but not really but it works out anyway except it doesn't <- THERE'S NO NAME FOR THAT *cry* they invented a new type of character dynamic smh (i've never read a pairing with so much (romantic) potential only to see them completely fuck up their chance so royally by the end of their interaction EVERY SINGLE TIME. like yeah, enemies to lovers whatever BUT NOT TO THAT LEVEL HOLY SHIT)

they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. they're compatible in the way they understand each other on a deeper level and incompatible in the way they don't.

...however...

this is how HJ thinks of EY: (and also what No Home is truly abt)

and this is how EY feels about HJ after EY found out HJ used to steal as well (aka that HJ isn't perfect like the stuck up bitch EY thought he was at first):

so...

<- -> EY's first impression of HJ was that he was looking down on him and sth like "does this guy have ulterior motives? or is he just that naive being so trusting?" until EY found out HJ wasn't that different from him. after that, EY started admiring HJ for still managing to achieve things in life despite the hardships he had to go through. the type of admiration that can easily (and sometimes does) slip into envy.

since the beginning, EY has helped HJ (or at least tried to) without him knowing. sometimes it worked out, sometimes not. most times EY tried doing sth nice for HJ was (from EY's perspective) in return to HJ trying to help him or doing nice things for him (which, again, sometimes worked out, sometimes not). EY was just paying back a debt to "this stubborn naive guy who keeps getting into trouble and butting into his business. gotta look out for this idiot or he might get scammed." (<- eg. when EY offered to get HJ's money back from his uncle)

he doesn't do it for credit or friendship or out of obligation, he's just doing what he thinks is the right thing bc he doesn't want to owe anyone anything. he can't accept people just genuinely being kind, genuinely caring and genuinely wanting to help. but he's been learning and slowly coming to terms with it.

<- -> HJ first wanted to try befriending EY despite not liking him bc, well, the guy did steal his wallet and stab him in their first interaction. after trying and failing at it multiple times, thanksgiving happened, and HJ started thinking of EY as his underclassman bc he realized EY's just a kid with issues and he should keep an eye on him (discretely bc EY hates pity).

with time HJ has come to understand EY better by going after him whenever he ran off and slowly realized that EY does mean well and has his reasons (as fucked up as they might be sometimes). but his mentality abt EY is still "i gotta push him in the right direction cuz he's my underclassman and i unintentionally got attached to him (somehow??)" (also bc he knows EY already gave up on himself so he needs a lil help to find his way again. also also bc he knows EY is lowkey suicidal and he's scared it'll be his fault if sth happens) <- his care for EY comes from a protective/nurturing (/possibly maybe guilty) place which started when he realized EY was just a kid^^. in other words, HJ still bothers with EY out of a subconscious sense of responsibility/obligation in a way (a good way tho. or at least a way that gets better)

see, sth i struggle with is if HJ thinks he has to or wants to or thinks he should or can't just not help/care for EY. i can't exactly pinpoint where the sentiment is coming from. his face is too blank for me to read sometimes T_T

to summarize: HJ is EY's goal, what EY wishes he could've been. and EY is HJ's 'responsibility' so to speak (bc 'burden' doesn't quite fit since HJ is there for EY willingly) -> EY has a positive opinion of HJ while HJ has a neutral opinion of EY (which is also gradually getting better)

note1: i think HJ's intention (maybe subconsciously) was to be to EY what HJ's upperclassman was to him. aka someone who's there when you need it and can help guide you. it would explain why HJ kept chasing after EY despite not really having a reason to and EY repeatedly rejecting HJ's care/help.

note2: i also believe the 'upper-under-classman' relationship dynamic fits them the best atm bc it also matches the way the story often singles EY out as he's the only second year (aka younger) of the 6 MCs.

-> Romance in No Home?

another thing i should mention is that No Home rarely leaves things open for interpretation. the deepest arguments EY&HJ had were always spelled out for us, to make us understand exactly what the problem was, and how there isn't a good guy and a bad guy. it's just two people with issuesTM.

from what we've seen in the story up to this point, i couldn't pick out a moment where i'd go "here! that's romantic! that's the moment they realized SomeThing!" yk

when it comes to romance specifically, i feel like a handful of opportunities were missed. there are scenes which could've easily been written trough a rosy lens but simply weren't.

exhibit A:

HJ was speechless bc "wow this mf really is actively picking a fight with an authority figure. i gotta make sure things don't escalate" not bc "hoLY sHiT hE's PreTTy. all his fangirls are on to something". however, this only becomes more clear when you keep reading the next few chapters, so i understand how you could interpret it as the latter.

exhibit B:

here they got so close and the moment was so deep bc "woaa he said he believes me. no one's said to me that before!". unfortunately, EY was panicking too much for it to mean something bc of the guilt he felt for HJ trusting someone so undeserving of trust like EY.

exhibit C:

this is maybe the closest we got to romantic between these two. i think this might be the only (or at least first) ever deep interaction between them that didn't end in a fight or misunderstanding. is it meant to be romantic tho? -> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-> what do i think?

first, full transparency: i went into reading this story fully expecting it to be a BL and for EY&HJ to end up together. but the more i kept on reading, the more i got the ick thinking about them being in a (romantic) relationship bc, at least from what we've seen so far in the story, their relationship would be so ToxicTM (which i personally don't enjoy reading).

as they are right now, i wouldn't want them to be together like that. like, honestly, you still can't really consider these two even friends; they just tolerate each other if the stars align correctly (altho, i'll admit, their relationship is gradually getting better!!). every big argument they had i thought "god, there's no coming back from that. i'd cut ties so quickly if was them wtf". i still don't know how they managed to keep on interacting, props to them ig.

there's a lot of unresolved issues between them. and a lot of resentment which would not bode well in a romantic relationship. the smallest argument would turn explosive and they'd be, at best, in an on&off type of relationship. they both have the power to break the other and neither would be afraid to use it. they have a lot of history together, which is not always pleasant, so if they ever were to go the romantic route, it would have to be a long way to go.

technically, i could see them in a romantic relationship if they both went to therapy first and talked out all the baggage they're carrying (both individual and shared). realistically tho, what i think will happen at the end of No Home is that either they never cross paths again after high school ends (which would absolutely break my heart Wanan pls don't), or they somehow (unintentionally) end up living together bc they both desperately needed a roommate to pay rent (which would be a hilarious fucking gag LMAO). just, HJ going to uni/work and EY doing his own thing (prolly an actor) while still cohabiting together; hanging out to watch a movie before bed <- (whether platonic or romantic being left up for interpretation)

<- -> in conclusion, from what we've seen up to this point, their relationship is mainly upper-under-classman; reluctant (maybe) friends who tolerate each other but also care (too) deeply. they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. in some ways they're compatible and in others they're not.

all this being said, their relationship is improving and romance between EY&HJ is not impossible, just rather unlikely imo. but, again, interpretation is subjective and u're welcome to read their relationship however you want.

#ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE IF YOU ARE DELULU ENOUGH!! THAT'S HOW SHIPPING WORKS IN GENERAL. IN EVERY FANDOM.#anon. this shit fried my head. it 3.30am and my brain is not braining anymore. i love analyzing these two but goddamn is it HARD.#THERE'S SO MUCH NUANCE TO EVERY INTERACTION THEY HAVE *cry*#life's been hectic and this question demanded i sit down in 7 different sittings to get everything written down. hence why it took me a bit #i tried to write down all my thoughts and i don't think i managed. but i hope what i have here makes sense.#and i also hope i actually answered ur question. i feel like i got side-tracked and possibly missed the target.#no home #no home manhwa #eunyung baek #haejoon goh #ey hj parallels #meta #집이 없어 #webtoon #god u guys have no idea how many times while reading i was like 'omg they're gonna kiss omg pls do'#only to keep reading and going like 'hoLY FUCK PLS DO *NOT*!! get away from him omfg!!'#the whiplash was fucking unreal. i remember honest to god SOBBING at 4am every time they fought <- that first time read was rough #also! if you agree/disagree/want to correct me or just talk about the topic i'm open to discussion/criticism. (just pls be nice abt it ><)#my ask box is open <3

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