#pls read T-T

[8mks1tm]

my baby!

release date - 8:30 am, 1/21/25

tags - soft!mingi x reader

warnings - none just fluff

wc - 1.04k

genre - fluff

dividers by - @bernardsbendystraws

a/n - intro being released today!

There’s nobody mingi prioritized more than he did that of you. his baby, to say the least. sure, some could say his behaviors were a bit over dramatic in the way he protected you like glass everywhere you went. but, in his opinion, there were way more than just five love languages. he thought his ‘overbearing’ and protective ways were a love language in itself, and nobody could tell him otherwise.

one day, the two of you are preparing to go out. nothing seems to be out of the ordinary when he’s helping you get your heels on, or when you’re driving to the restaurant. not even when you guys are ordering your food or eating it. in mingi’s eyes. the night was going to end as normal, and there was nothing to worry about.

but, as the two of you are leaving, you tell him that you want to get a few drinks at the bar before you head out. mingi shakes his head. “i have to drive us home, baby. i can’t have any drinks.” “well, at least let me have a few. you can have a virgin martini and i can have a… martini martini,” you argue, tilting you head. you tug slightly on mingi’s shirt sleeve. “c’mon, one drink can’t hurt.”

mingi can’t help but give in, ‘specially not with you looking at him like that. “fine, go on. i’ll pay.”

so mingi walked over to the bar with you, without a second thought. “hey, two martini’s. uh, make one virgin, please,” mingi muttered to the bartender. The bartender stood there for a second, and then looked over at you. “and what can i get you, pretty girl?” he says, leaning on the counter. he was so clearly hitting on you, ineffectively of course. “uh…” you look at mingi anxiously. “he’s ordering for both of us.” the situation should’ve ended there. the bartender should’ve just made the goddamn drinks, and then they should’ve just left. but of course it didn’t.

“mmm, i’m sure you can order for yourself. something better than a virgin martini, yes?” mingi could see that you were getting over whelmed, so he stepped in immediately. “the virgin martini’s for me. because i’m driving my girlfriend home to our shared apartment,” he says, making it very clear that you were taken. “wasn’t askin’ you, bro. let the pretty girl speak for herself, hm?” “if she did, she would tell you to your face that she doesn’t want you,” mingi snarks. “now do your damn job and get us those martini’s, you creep.” the bartender turns away and starts to make the drinks with a grumble, but then you cut in. “no, that’s okay. i don’t trust his drinks anyway.” mingi follows you out with sharp eyes, making sure to take note of everything, just in case some other creep tries to make a move on you.

he notices how upset you seem when you get in the car, and he knows he should say something about it. “is something wrong, princess?” you roll your eyes, sighing. “i was just… y’know, kinda excited about those martinis. its been awhile since we’ve gone out and shared drinks. i just wanted to have that again, and that guy ruined it.” “aw, my baby…” mingi coos, resting a hand on your knee, rubbing it a bit to comfort you. “hey, we can make martinis when we get home, ‘kay?” you shake your head, looking out the window at the stars outside. “i appreciate it, but it’s just not the same, you know?” mingi sighs. he wants to help, but he doesn’t know how. there’s no point in trying to go to another bar, because that mood is definitely ruined at this point.

“i’m sorry, baby. i wish i could help somehow.” you smile at mingi. “it’s okay, mingi, ‘s not your fault. I just hate it when creeps like that ruin our night.”

when the two of you got home, mingi tried his best to cheer you up, and you were trying your best to make it clear that you weren’t upset with him specifically. and of course he knew that. but that didn’t make the night any easier to get through. “hey, princess, you wanna watch a movie… or something?” you looked at him with tired eyes and he immediately regretted even asking that. “no, baby, i’m just gonna go to bed.” mingi sighs and gets up from the couch wrapping his arms around your waist gently and nuzzling into your neck. “hey, ___?” you bring a hand up to his hair. “...yeah?” “i’m sorry. for all this. for ruining your night, for ruining your mood. this, this is my fault. should’ve shut that guy down before he even had the chance to go that far.” you immediately shake your head. “don’t apologize. none of this is your fault. i’ll be in a better mood in the morning, i’m sure.” mingi kisses your shoulder, and then looks up at you with big boba eyes. “i can take you shopping tomorrow, princess. d’you think that’ll cheer you up?” you smile as you look up at him - i mean, who wouldn’t. “you don’t gotta do that, babes.” he nods. “i know. i still want to though. just to make you feel better, yes?” you laugh, reaching up to hold mingi’s fluffy cheeks. “yes, of course.” you can’t help but stare into each other’s eyes, and mingi swears he falls for you again, looking into your eyes like that. “alright,” mingi says with a breath. “let’s get to bed, hm?”

the two of you are laying together in bed, you’re scrolling on your phone whilst mingi is cuddled against your side, eyes closed and breathing slow. you weren’t paying much attention to him, fully engrossed in your phone. pinterest, tiktok, youtube, maybe a video game here and there.

though mingi told you not to have too much screen time before bed, you really couldn’t help yourself. i mean, come on, that amazon cart wasn’t going to fill itself, now was it?

you would’ve believed that mingi had already fallen asleep, with the way he was steadily breathing as he squeezed the air out of you if you didn’t hear him muttering;

“my baby…”

[aizawap]

omg so many thoughts and hc’s for togame jo

a mix of both sfw + nsfw

- he’d absolutely love the thrill of a chase. predator/prey sorta thing. he could catch you EASY but enjoys the naivety of you believing you could outrun him

- enjoys sensory play a lot. we’re talking him tying you to his bed, blinding folding you and using ice cubes or his tongue to run down your body

- doesn’t like to rush his time at all. would take his sweet, sweet time with you

- loves to get you riled up through the nastiest words in your ear. often through whispers in that sexy slow drawl of his

- makes you sit in his lap, no matter what. one arm wrapped around your waist, the other on the back of the seat

- likes to run his hand through your hair. also enjoys you running your hands through his, lets you play with it and braid it for him

- possessive. laid back but you know he’s always watching what you’re doing and where you are. you can feel the intensity of his stare from across the room

- watches your reactions closely to everything he says and does

- dude likes to smell you idk why (he’d defo bury his face in your neck). likes to take small bites

[ave-aria]

...And I'll give you three guesses who gave it to him. ;)

[ryllen]

Please read this by putting it through google translate image translation feature on phone and cry with me,

or i can summarize it to you

"Why does human help the weak?" [ You just do it automatically, don't u think? ] - Kalim [ I was taught to do so. ] - Deuce [ Helping others is a beautiful thing. ] - Rook [ It's a natural for the strong to help the weak. ] - Riddle

[ It's just human's instinct of wanting to survive together, is it not? ] - Trey Jade finds it weird, because in the sea, no thought will be given to the weak. The strongest will survive. Call it an ego on land if you want, but that is how it has always been in that big pool of deep never ending water.

Jade is a mermaid type who is rather sensitive when turned into human. Walking with legs feel like walking on knives for him. To counter that problem, he always had his transforming potion mixed with a lot amount of pain killers.

One time he started to feel pain on his feet, he refused to be helped as he is fixated of being a strong creature & not wanting to be positioned as something weak. When he finally let trey helped him, he kept asking if there's any compensation he had to pay for having Trey helped him. "It is just pure kindness for underclassman", Trey said. Having it not sitting right on him, Jade told Trey his secret about his human legs' sensitivity problem as a form of payment. "That's too much information for that price." "Such critical thing! I never tell anyone that information as it would endanger my life!" "So.., are you telling me because you trust me?"

"No. I am telling you because I want (to keep receiving) that pure goodwill from you, my senior."

"That's an unnatural & greedy remark from a benevolent Octavinelle's student. Such a bad boy, Jade." Trey touched Jade's face in soft scolding manner & it made the mermaid quietly flustered with feeling he never knew he could felt before. Finding Trey's affection dear to him, at some other time later, he pretended that his feet hurts. And he lied about not bringing any pain killers with him. Trey who was wary about lying Jade, used his magic to overwrite the pain on Jade's feet, so he could walk by himself. But Jade sulked. Because, rly, he just wants to be carried by Trey again. Sensing this, Trey gave in, and carried Jade on his back, pleasing him.

Previously seeing Trey danced with Cater & Rook at other events, Jade invited Trey to go to an abandoned castle. He asked him to dance with him.

"I want to look good in front of you. But I'm not good at dancing," Trey said.

"Good." Jade replied with a smile, happy with his awkwardness. "I am not familiar with human's dance either."

They started to dance. And flirted a little. "Your eye is like olive." (Typical TREY) And when they were about to kiss, 3 overblot ghosts broke in.

"'ll take responsibility" Jade said, instantly feeling responsible as he was the one who brought them there. He managed to defeat one of the ghost. But in the middle of battle, the usual pain started to seep in to Jade's feet. For real, this time. His legs gave out.

With 2 overblot ghosts left still, Trey put himself into the middle of the fight. "I don't have enough magic to both overwrite your pain & defeat these overblot ghosts at the same time. So, run away while I try to hold them back."

Jade started to think how unacceptable it is that he is protected by someone who is supposed to be weaker than him. He should have been the one protecting Trey as mermaid is a stronger being, however he is nothing but a hindrance right now. Trey would even win the fight if it was not because of him.

So Jade found a way. He made noise to get the overblot attention's. He directed them to him so he could take them out by letting the chandelier fall over all of them together, including him. He was so ready to be crushed & took all those responsibility with him.

But, of course, Trey can't have that! Trey saved Jade at the last minute. He pushed Jade away, so the chandelier missed him. But in consequence, Trey had his legs broken as they were the ones that got crushed by the chandelier, instead -- together with the remaining overblot ghosts.

Jade who still didn't realize the situation, said "... Oh. That's too unreasonable to suddenly jump in, under the chandelier and come..." "I can't help it."

Jade slowly turned his head.

"It's too easy to want to help the person you love." "...So let me help you out." The horror of the current situation finally creeped to Jade's face.

"T-TREY-SAN! TREY-SAN!!!!!!!"

[ What do i do now?? What do i do??? ]

"Go, return by yourself even without me..."

Jade started to think of all his options. Phone? out of range. Magic? Out of the question, he just realized that his magic gem is now broken. The only mirror to come back to the school was at the foot of the mountain, while the castle they were in was at the very top of it.

[ Carry this person on your back. ] The voice in his head said...

"Carry this person on my back--?" he turned his head, and suddenly imagined the path of 'knives' he had to step on to go back. Not alone even.., but together with this person. ...The additional weight surely would pressed his feet harder to the ground, causing even more pain.

Trembling from the thought of the pain, Jade thought... "This is bad..., I only have one more painkiller...."

He took out that single pain killer in his pocket, and put into his mouth, seemingly ready and prepared to walk; at least a few steps back without pain. But no, he refused to do so. Trey is wounded. He must experience pain too right now. Lips-to-lips, he gave the wounded Trey the painkiller & let him swallow it.

"I'll help you now..." Jade said, repaying on Trey's deed & now walking back without painkiller, with his dear senior on his back.

His feet hurts. So badly that he started to bit his lips & let them bleed. The sudden thought of wild animals attacking them in this situation, made him shuddered.

Near them, he spotted a good running river.

...

[ I can just abandoned this person... and jump into the river. ...With that I can easily reach the foot of the mountain. ... With that, I can become a strong creature again, not the helpless one like what I am right now. ]

...

For a second Jade lost in thought of abandoning the weak like what the sea always taught him to do. But then, reminiscing how Trey carried him at that crucial time when he needed him to, he said to himself...

"No. That doesn't matter... "

"Because right now ..., I am helping him out of pure love."

And so, he kept enduring, until Idia who wandered at night to get his late night snack from the school's vending machine, found them who successfully came back, fainted at the hallway.

--

Time passed.

--

...

"Jade refuses to walk for awhile now." Floyd said, guiding Trey further inside to the longue. It might be because that event; so traumatic & painful, that Jade just wanted to forget entirely about walking all together. Or maybe it was out of guilt, for him being the reason that Trey had to be confined in the hospital room to recover & not being able to go anywhere. That's why, Jade isolated himself in the glass wall as a way to punish himself & share the same feeling with Trey.

"Sorry for the trouble." Trey replied, pushing his wheelchair with his hands.

"It's okay. It's Jade's own fault." Floyd replied, nonchalantly. Just like he always been. Oddly comforting, at the current situation. "Jade, sea turtle is here~~"

There he is. Jade, swimming in his mermaid form. Their eyes met. Seeing Trey sitting on a wheel chair, his eyes, glistened.

--

"So will your legs heal?" Jade was still in his mermaid form. He perched on surface of the longue's glass wall he was in, to talk to Trey.

"Yes."

"It's not just the bone fractures, right? It's also the ability to walk, right?"

"Of course."

...

Jade was relief. But he was still burdened with other feelings from the incident.

" --- IF I NEVER MET you, after graduating, I would have returned to the sea and keep being a strong creature forever....." "I am so scared and feeling so pathetic......."

...

Trey reminiscing the moment Jade carried him on his back, while enduring the tremendous pain on his feet, said, "You are...? At that time though, you looked like the strongest person in the world to me..." He patted Jade's head, consoling him.

Jade was relieved once again. " ... Trey-san ... " But it seems that this mermaid still has something in his mind...

"...When you risked your life, and let yourself be crushed under the chandelier..., was it all just because of the natural instinct inhabits in your body, OR-"

He didn't finish his question, and yet Trey answered. "It's because, I like you."

...

Jade proceeded to come out of the water, having his tail transformed to legs, once again after a long while. He approached Trey who sat there still with his immobilized legs.

"...I never thought I would ever need my legs again... He gazed Trey in the eyes. "But it is necessary...." "...There are a lot of things I want to do with you, with these legs..."

"...Many..."

And they both shared a kiss, which became the start of everything else.

[raddest-laddest]

i miss them :(

[deus-ex-mona]

real talk: lxl should continue to explore romance fantasy concepts in their songs. it’s clearly working for them~

[8mks1tm]

my baby! - teaser

release date - 8:30 am, 1/21/25

tags - soft!mingi x reader

warnings - none just fluff

wc - 1.04k

genre - fluff

dividers by - @bernardsbendystraws

a/n - posting a intro tomorrow! so excited to start this blog, enjoy!

there’s nobody mingi prioritized more than he did that of you. his baby, to say the least. sure, some could say his behaviors were a bit over dramatic in the way he protected you like glass everywhere you went. but, in his opinion, there were way more than just five love languages. he thought his ‘overbearing’ and protective ways were a love language in itself, and nobody could tell him otherwise.

[peeta-mellark]

everyday I wake up and look for oshamir fanfics cause they robbed me of my ship & I’m still bitter about it

[sharkneto]

Anyone an IT person and can tell me how to get my 2004 Dell monitor to recognize its being used as a second monitor T-T

It's plugged in, I know it's recognizing the video input, but I cannot get it to leave power save mode because it can't recognize my mouse and keyboard for me to click and "wake it up". I even tried plugging the mouse and keyboard into it, but it's working as a giant USB extension and all the input still goes to my main monitor.

[andy-clutterbuck]

Andy being an adorable little shit Bts of TWD 8x13

[tetzoro]

after 5 days of nonstop social hour, i am finally home & curling up on the couch ^_^ yipeeeee !!!

[greenbloodedsonofabitch]

The End. 🖖🏻✨

I have just finished my Star Trek + Tangled Au fan fiction call Let Down Your Hair. 3 complete chapters with 15,000+ words 🪐💫

Please read it, I worked on it for weeks and even my biology teacher told me during class to stop writing Star Trek fan fiction (Thats actually true btw) so pls read it

[romy-bardot]

My bare feet sink into the sand as I race through it, my chest heaving while my body begs for more oxygen. It’s so hard to run through the soft earth but I don’t stop; I can’t stop. Turning off the beach, I head into the woods, feeling branches and dried palm leaves crack under my speed. The tropical plants caress my body that’s exposed to the elements, as I’m only dressed in a tiny bikini.

After a few minutes, my legs and lungs burn to a limit that forces me to rest. I find a bush large enough to fall into; using its branches to hide my body. Unfortunately, it can’t quiet my heavy breathing - all I can do is try to control it.

My eyes close against the sun peaking through the trees when I hear a branch crack to my right. My hand flies to my mouth in a desperate attempt to hide the way I’m still heaving with exhaustion. Terror fills me, giving my body the rush of adrenaline it needs. I stand slowly, attempting to be as quiet as possible, before I take off running once again.

I don’t make it far. My hair is fisted, forcing my body back as my scream causes the seagulls above us to flutter away. 

“Did you actually think you’d get away from me, Little Bird?” His voice is dark and close to my ear as he forces me back against him, my breathing erratic and my scalp burning from his grip. “You thought you could win our little game?”

“Yes.” I admit in a small voice, causing him to pull my hair even harder. Suddenly, I’m falling towards the earth, my face landing in the dead leaves littered on the forest floor. I moan in pain at his rough shove.

“Don’t you know better by now?” He demands, his hands now caressing my ass before tossing me over onto my back; as if I weigh nothing. Leaning down, his harsh features become clearer through my tears. His eyes are deadly, his jaw is set, and I feel myself throb in anticipation. “I own you.”

Forcing my bikini bottoms off, he’s inside of me without much resistance from my body. I’ve been desperate for this all day. He grabs my wrists and pins them above my head as he pushes into me over and over again, making sure it hurts. 

“Who do you belong to?” He demands through pants, his blood thirsty eyes watching me with hunger.

“You!” I whimper in response, my body coming undone. I feel alive from the fear; from the chase. He gives me something nobody else can. “Yours.”

[sorryimananti-romantic]

who knows, maybe i'm a glutton for lengthy written pieces of fiction but i can't imagine anything better than reading a thought-out, detailed and intriguing story.

20k-30k wc usually takes me around 2 hours to read (when i am not annotating on the side or running laps in my room to calm down from a scene) and even though i do love me some drabbles, imagines or scenarios - sometimes they're so great but oh so short that i end up feeling hungry for more lol.

idk. maybe there is some over-consumption or fast-media issue that's infiltrated even the fanfic community and readers feel less overwhelmed reading fics under 10k? apprehension giving bad/wrong feedback? author burn-out? somebody go ahead and open the field for research already.

there is an overwhelming amount of short fics daily on my dash and not so often bigger oneshots or even series but i've always assumed it's because they take so much more time and effort into creating - which then motivates me more to leave nice feedback when you authors work so hard on them :) vice versa it's a nice feeling when authors take time to acknowledge feedback

like you saying you look forward to my reblogs and i'm over here like.. i have been noticed 👁️👄👁️ and i am being relied on to lose my own mind over your amazing mind. i can't disappoint this co-dependant author-reader-ship 💪 /j

also, miss "yumi in her break era" only five days ago, once again offering to write a fic to my tastes?! you will be the death of me. hand in marriage right now 🤝 /j but also, new series.. ? ✍️👀

○ chron 🃏

lucky for you, i'm physically incapable of writing short fics and loren is an actual witness. whenever i start a fic and go 'yo this actually be short like under 20k) it usually ends up being 26k+ 🤡 and tbh for me personally nothing can top a well-planned detailed fic no matter the length of it!

you're right! there's only so much you can do in a short scenario/imagine/drabble they're like fun little treats, kind of like appetisers/snacks as opposed to lengthy oneshots which i feel like are a full multiple-course meal (and then we have series which are like a whole buffet banquet feast you name it)

yeah there are a lot of factors. even as a writer i know that i prefer reading sth short when i don't have much time to spare but want a little break. reading lengthier works require a lot of time (like you said, about 2 hrs) and you gotta be in the mood all cosy and relaxed to fully enjoy them!

there's def so many shorter works being produced in huge quantities and consumed very rapidly too. writing them takes less time, you don't gotta work out so many details and lose your mind in the process (from my experience writing the few hcs and drabbles i have) and it's... fun? gets a greater audience, more notes? definitely. there are literally so many factors as to why people prefer writing/reading scenarios/drabbles over the lengthier works and i could honestly list them all but i feel like not everyone wants to hear that 💀

personally, i've been pretty consistent with writing the lengthier works, inspired by ppl here who've written so much such excellent monster works AHAHA and since the lengthier fics culture is pretty much dying (let's face it on tumblr it is dying slowly but steadily) i'm devoted to continue contributing to that specific part of the atinyfic community. i could always cook up some short scenarios (i plan to when it's time to retire but i still have ideas that i wanted to write) but for now, we write and write. we write endlessly without a care for the word count :')

there's honestly nothing wrong with wanting to read or write shorter works. i just wish the people who work so hard to create such beautiful and lengthy masterpieces got the attention they deserve. and i wish they do not compare their works to drabbles/scenarios (which you might have observed get a lot of notes in a very short amount of time) and continue writing for themselves and for the readers who appreciate them :')) we're always so incredibly grateful for the feedback we get bc we get some great quality feedback which is our pride :D

you have been very much noticed! me and loren were actually talking not too long ago about how you are one of the few ppl whose reblog we anticipate eagerly ahaha you've spoilt us honestly :') and when i saw your reblog last night (i was feeling incredibly low) i just smiled with tears in my eyes LOL ngl (co-dependency atp fr fr)

miss yumi has always been a clown who goes back on her words esp when it's about taking a break (i actually will be taking a two week break soon like actual break bc i'll be travelling so i'll be back mid aug) but miss yumi also loves writing bc it's the only interesting thing going on in her life and she would love to write for you too (proposal accepted let's pick dresses now :D)

as for the new series... 👀 the current word count is about 70k and i'm not even halfway- this might be the most intricate worldbuilding i've ever done like with the characters and how they're connected to each other (on par with take me home series, might even surpass) and it's... mafia! but the different kind, uniquely yumi LOL and the pairing hmm will remain a secret (take your guess come on)

i look forward to posting it so much it's become my comfort fic. i'll try to start posting it before 2024 but no promises yet bc i wanna finish writing it (or at least nearly finish) before i post the masterlist or teasers.

[eomma-jpeg]

heya! i am currently a little stuck when it comes to my ff, mostly because i am not sure if i want to explore some topics in this particular story. nothing dark, just how much vashwood is dancing around or crossing that line from platonic friends to okay that might be more. and subsequently what knives has to say about... whatever may or may not be going on with these morons. which reminded me of that post you made with trivia and such about in the meadow and now i cannot stop thinking about it. which brings me to the question how much did knives pick up on the vashmeryl unresolved romantic tension? i cannot tell.

did he pick up on it and was to busy with his own issues? did he not really realize? did he pick up on the whole thing but figured they were Jus Like That? i know i made a comment on it when i reblogged that post but it really mostly was a bit of a side note for myself but now that i am facing the "what does knives think of his brothers choice in romance and also the painfully obvious pining and unresolved tension" thing it itches my brain maybe i need to reread it again (i might anyway lol) but the most i remember knives really acknowledging any of it was being somewaht bewildered when he had to bust them out of the shed

So when it comes to vashmeryl, I think the most knives feels toward them is annoyance. He doesn't really know or feel the need to know her, but so far she seems fine and 98Knives isn't this like... possessive twin ? So it doesn't bother him that Vash is seeing her.

But with vashwood.... Knives KNOWS wolfwood... and he knows Vash... and he THINKS he knows best. So I could see Knives trying to meddle in their stuff either by inserting himself, telling them to stop, or just outright complaining LOL

[trashlie]

Hello again it's random anon because I have a few thoughts on Shin-ae and selfishness and romantic foils and aghhghhhh :')

I think one of the most interesting parts of Shin-ae's absolute feralness when it comes to her feelings for Nol is that she already, specifically, targeted Dieter as being her "first taste of romance" and the absolute sense of contrast that comes from that. Because sure, Shin-ae has been flustered by Dieter (and. his hands...) but there is a pointed lack of action on Shin-ae's side towards pursuing him. She acknowledges Dieter as a romantic prospect, but she is passive, almost comfortably aware of her feelings. He is, like always, a shoulder to lean on, and this time that shoulder is the ease of possible romance. There's pointed comfort in him—and her feelings towards him—being so predictable. She can safely box her feelings as a maybe crush, because even inside that box everything is so contained. She can clearly, confidently identify what she admires and values about him, and further bolsters a sense of security through his feelings for her, because they've been clear from the start. Dieter almost embodies security, narratively: he is the one Shin-ae always feels safe with, the one who brings her comfort both in being such a kind, genuine person and in how he has always been reliable in his vulnerability. And yet, it's ultimately that ideal of security that he provides that so clearly foils him and Shin-ae's relationship with her feelings for Nol. Because even though he and Shin-ae very pertinently find comfort and security in each other, especially at their best, he in no way has been a secure presence in her life. In fact, he quite literally is the very opposite: he's the one who keeps breaking those boxes Shin-ae protects herself with, he's the one who forces her time and time again out of her comfort zone, both purposefully and not. And I love how the bubbling over of her romantic feelings for him embodies that: Nol was never able to fit into the very platonic box she tried to force him inside and herself to believe in, and now he is once again acting as a conduit for Shin-ae opening herself to more new experiences, to understand and be hit with the overwhelming whole that is falling for someone—and most of all, the desire for possession and the yearning want that borders on need that’s inherent to it. Shin-ae might have liked Dieter, but she is in love with Nol and that love is something so overwhelming that she is so desperate to repress and push it away yet wants it, wants him so badly that it ends up spilling out anyway. And we see that “selfishness” highlighted too: in her jealousy of Alyssa, in how her want for Nol is intertwined with possession, even in her pure brazenness. I love how you said it feels like she’s just running through the stages of puberty at once because for once, it feels like Shin-ae is finally acting wholly her age. She’s just a teenager completely overcome by her first love, not the strong, selfless role she’s had to take on since childhood.

And it’s not just in Shin-ae either! If anything, the selfishness of love is more clearly highlighted in Nol because it’s so relevant to his arc and serves as a corruption of everything he’s forced onto himself. It's like.... hrhgh I feel like I wanna talk about this more but just as Nol has been the undoing of Shin-ae's defense mechanisms and compartmentalizations, she is what stands in opposition to his moral frameworks and internalized self-loathing: he views himself as someone who's always making up for his existence, so he is never supposed to *take* in his relationships with others, but Shin-ae makes him want to indulge. She's made him grapple with his own desires: to be acknowledged, to be cared for, to be loved, and she makes it so easy to give in because when he's with her, he can almost fool himself into thinking that he is a person worthy of all she gives him--and no matter how much he tries to pull away, she fights twice as hard to pull him back and until he just *can't* anymore and gives in to his desires. And like… hfhjj the entire point of Yeong-gi as a mask was that dissolution of self, the repression of his desires in exchange for a pure, detached selflessness, and Shin-ae just splintered that idea and forced him to confront how much he still desired real connection. And just altogether, the “selfishness” that Shin-ae and Nol bring out in each other is just so meaningful because both of them are such selfless and wholly self-sacrificing people and acting on their own needs and wants has always been secondary to providing for others. And now because of each other they're both facing the inherent selfishness of love; how want and desire are entangled with possessiveness and impulsivity; how it can make you forget yourself, because suddenly you're aware of how much your heart can sweep everything else to the side and make you forget and forsake all facades of altruism.

They're just both each other's undoings! Every single time! At their core they are two battered people who bring out and illuminate each other, who mirror each other so strongly that they've forced everything the other has hidden under defense mechanisms and personas to the surface; who have allowed each other to just be *people* with wants and desires and needs when they had both tossed those luxuries away. I'm gonna gjjggjjggjjjjj the more I think.... the more I'm gonna jgjgjgjj it never ends they are so. Absolutely dummies I can't with those two anymore I’m gonna perish :’DDD

YELLING NONNY I LOVE THIS ASK SO MUCH ;A; I have put off answering it for so long while I've been sick because I really, really want to do it justice, and frankly I don't feel confident that I can, but I'm going to try my best because WOW you really touch all of the important bases, really shine a light on exactly what is revealed by the nature of their feelings and this manner of discovery - that at the end of the day they are two people who have tried so hard to "play by the rules" and look where it got them, that they have always been so selfless and put everyone else ahead of themselves but now they are facing something that is SO selfish where you MUST put yourself first where you MUST value yourself and it's shatters everything they have made themselves believe!!!!!

It's so, so much easier to explore the concept of romance with someone who you already know likes you. It's a built-in safety net. If she wound up falling, there's no risk, because he already likes her, so she's not setting herself up to fall alone. Growing up, I struggled a LOT with figuring out if I actually liked someone or if it was because they liked me that I wanted to try it on. When you know someone likes you, you know you already look different in their eyes. Shinae got to experience all those shy fluttering emotions of first romance with Dieter's shy, blushing gazes, the steadiness of him always being there for her. In a way, without meaning to, Shinae was selfish even with Dieter, though it's not nearly as apparent as with Nol. Dieter never really draws the boundary lines. Even though he knows Shinae doesn't return his feelings, he continues to hope, and when she starts crossing boundaries, he doesn't redraw them; he just allows her. He indulges, because maybe, maybe it will lead to what he wants.

Dieter knows better, but he can't help but want.

And Shinae doesn't even think about it this way but yes, she's trying it on, feeling it out. Is Dieter someone she could see herself with like that?

She still doesn't know. She's so undecided about him - she does not not want to date him, but that also isn't a definitive yes, either. He provides her this comfort, this security, he's a rock to which she ground herself, an anchorpoint. But..... that doesn't make a relationship. That doesn't make feelings. And I think that's where we see the difference between him and Nol, and how she feels about them. Shinae reacts so strongly to Nol, willing to break down doors for him! It's how it's so easy for Shinae to talk about what she likes about Dieter, just as with Minhyuk, but with Nol it's just these volatile feelings, it's this feral anger that he won't let her have him! That moment of realization, so horrified, so panicked, because there's no room for this in her life, because she's been shoving him in a friend-shaped box and THAT'S why he doesn't fit THAT'S why it feels like this THAT'S why she's acting like this?!

And GOD it's just so good, SO delicious to watch it! Because as readers we know those feelings have been there, we've been watching them develop and grow and the moment Nol tried to exit Shinae's life she's been on this intense quest to convince him to stay to show him why he needs to stay and she's confessed to him every which way but with the words themselves and NOW LOOK AT HER!!!!! I love it! I love when characters feel things so big, so strongly, I love when it comes in and kicks down their ribcages!

Watching them strip each other of all these roles and responsibilities they've had to play. With Shinae, you don't have to be Nol with your Yeonggi mask and your walls so high you let no one in, you don't have to keep it all in and deny yourself any joys any pleasures, with her, you are allowed to want and want and take and take. And with Nol, you don't have to be selfless you don't have to put everyone else's needs first to make yourself as small as you can in order to not take up space you can be a burden you can lean on people you can depend on someone. All these things they've never had before - never allowed themselves, never reached for, and they found it in each other without meaning to. Nol had no intention of this friendship meaning anything, had every intention of shipping her off with his best friend.

And then she started to notice him. Started to pay attention. She started to see him and he couldn't resist it, because no one ever sees him everyone lets him brush them off and they move on but not her! In being cared for he starts to care for her and no matter how many times he denies it, he keeps going back!

just as Nol has been the undoing of Shin-ae's defense mechanisms and compartmentalizations, she is what stands in opposition to his moral frameworks and internalized self-loathing: he views himself as someone who's always making up for his existence, so he is never supposed to *take* in his relationships with others, but Shin-ae makes him want to indulge. She's made him grapple with his own desires: to be acknowledged, to be cared for, to be loved, and she makes it so easy to give in because when he's with her, he can almost fool himself into thinking that he is a person worthy of all she gives him--and no matter how much he tries to pull away, she fights twice as hard to pull him back and until he just *can't* anymore and gives in to his desires.

LIKE I JUST CAN'T TOP THIS YOU KNOW? LMAO You've summed it up PERFECTLY! Because we've seen it SO MANY times. All the times he's reached out to her only to deny himself, every time he's been left holding the space that she touched, carrying her words in his head like some kind of comforting blanket. Even when Shinae didn't realize it was a mask, she was seeing through it; she knew there was something uncanny, unnatural about the way he was always smiling even in times when it was uncalled for. She knew there was something off, something authentic and without trying she always managed to probe a little, to elicit some kind of confession from him, some little truth he couldn't help but reveal, couldn't help but open himself up a little. Can't help but WANT because it turns out it feels SO GOOD to be seen to be wanted.

I think sometimes about HOW HARD it must have been for him to walk away from Shinae in the rain, to hurt her that way and KNOW he was hurting her - that he ended up dry heaving somewhere while they were simultaneously feeling unable to breathe unable to move bodies so heavy. It must have been SO HARD to hold her and then remember what happened is something he believes is his own fault, and to have to walk away from that.

It must have been SO HARD for him to close himself away to hide himself away and pretend that none of it hurts that it's for the best that this is how it's supposed to be when he'd already had a taste for what it's like to be cared about and UGH I CAN'T HANDLE IT THIS IS WHY I CAN'T SHUT UP ABOUT THEM IT'S ALL OF THIS!

It's the ways they broke down each others walls and ripped away each others' masks and how they get to each other on these VERY real levels. How they had these walls of defense that they both broke through them and NOW LOOK AT THEM. ROARS!!!!!!!!!!!

This is also why i feel SO VERY STRONGLY about this current arc leading us to Nol and Shinae as equals, as peoples on a team together, not Nol leading and Shinae following. Because she made him see that maybe, MAYBE this wasn't the way he needed to live his life. He was doing all of this for absolution and what changed, what improved? What good did it do him to duck his head and play the game and skate by unnoticed? What has it done for him to suffocate himself in such a lonely, unbearable existence? Maybe he doesn't yet believe he deserves the good things that come his way - but he could learn to. The thought that she makes him want to believe that he deserves any of this, that he's allowed to indulge in this, that maybe, just maybe, he, too, is a person allowed to feel these things and meet those needs to want and be wanted and RECIPROCATION.

I want to see him come to the realization that walking away from this is impossible - that he tried and look where he ended up he's right back here anyway - and to just. Stop trying. Stop pushing. ACCEPT IT. ACCEPT HER. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

but GOD YOU TOTALLY GET IT, too. It's like.... they have both lived these lives of hardship and loss and struggle and suffering but when they are together, that ceases to matter. When they are together, they aren't what the others see them as - violent, undeserving little mongrels cast aside by so many others. They are just.... these kids who find solace in each other, who take comfort in each other and GOD that means so much to me!!!!!!!! The safe haven!!!!!!!!!!! That for once, Nol has found a place where maybe, MAYBE he can be himself - and he has and she still accepted that! And she has found someone who she can chase to the ends of the earth, who can't throw her away.

And it means SO MUCH to each other sobs ;______________;

Nonny I love this message so much it's one of my favorites and I TREASURE IT okay ;A; thank you for sharing these thoughts so that I can read them a hundred times over and over and scale the wall every time and just HOWL because GOD you get it and YOU SAY IT SO WELL and AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH ALFKJAFKAKF ALKFJAKFAKFKAJF AKLJAFKAKFKJAFJKAFJK