#plotting out this alternate scenario

[kuwajima]

Csn you make au’s for fics? Anyways thinking abt an au where this is the “mission” Zenitsu is on while Tanjiro is in the SSV and it just never comes up until he finds pictures of Zenitsu as a ‘baby’ but Uzui is holding him which leads to some *very* strange questions

THAT WOULD BE SO FUNNY

Uzui and Zenitsu sitting stone faced like 😐 that’s not us…

you can absolutely make aus for fics and let me tell you, I have at least 100 of them for my own fic in rotation in my head. Spinning. Like a microwave.

(I almost made the fic take place specifically during the SSV arc, but I wanted Tanjiro to get to play with a baby and also things happen so quickly during/after SSV that I was worried about fitting in all the shenanigans)

[the-maid-of-witchwood]

Gimme your favourite au ideas and who you'd throw into them (or like one au idea you like because you have like the neatest ideas)

Again, I’m gonna pull out a list of AUs I have previously written because I’m way too prepared for this.

Carrie AU 2.0

Has no relation to the first beyond being another play on Carrie. The whole thing takes place at the Starlight Theatre where Ruth ends up playing the lead in Cinderella’s Castle. Zoey, pissed and bitter about playing second fiddle to some dorky soprano, just decides to trash her opening night. Or the one where Zoey takes method acting as the Stepmother too far. (If you’ve seen CC, you’ll know what I’m hinting at). Ruth snaps and wipes out half of Hatchetfield before curtain call.

Also Lautity are here just flirting in the background the entire time. Like, they are the only survivors because they thought the other looked good in this hot all done up and left to make out.

Cinderella’s Castle

The one where Stephanie doesn’t have a good time. I’ve already spoken about it on here but it’s essentially the plot of CC but set in Hatchetfield, with some of the lore weaved in. Just for fun and angst. So you know she’s being dragged through that ringer.

Corpse Bride

Pete is Victor, Grace is Victoria, Steph is Emily. Need I say more?

Crossed Timelines

Having been killed by Max, Ruth and Richie wake up in some random location with Pete, Steph and Grace. But it’s not their Pete, Steph and Grace. It’s the ones from another universe where Max killed them three instead of Ruth and Richie. Basically everyone argues who had it worst and trauma bonds. Essentially reincarnation.

Dæmons (His Dark Materials)

Just shenanigans involving everyone having dæmons. That’s it. Mainly fluff and chaos.

Dirty Dudes Must Die

Written as a mock Nightmare Time episode. Essentially follows Steph discovering the guys at school being shitty to Grace, the school refusing to do anything, Grace getting kicked out of home for ‘sleeping around’ and subsequently her deciding to take revenge. Only things go horribly wrong and she ends up with four bodies on her hands. Fortunately the nerds who keep getting in the way are more than happy to help.

Hatchet Swung the Other Way

Gabe is the bully and everything changes. Not really. Essentially just a role swap: the cool kids are now the losers and vice versa, Gabe - Max, Grace - Steph, Steph - Pete, and so on and so forth. Potentially might take place at Abstinence Camp.

Heathers

When Richie said he hated Stephanie Lauter and wanted her dead, he didn’t mean it literally. Would be nice if Max knew that. Also it’s totally unfair that he has to put up with her annoying ghost instead of Max when it wasn’t even his fault she was stupid enough to drink drain cleaner in the first place—

Ride the Cyclone Tearjerker

Six teenagers die at Watcher World. However, Miss Holloway refuses to let Blinky torture all of them - so they reach a deal, she can bring one back to life. However, rather than pick herself, she leaves the decision to the teenagers. Aka, Ruth lets out her inner theatre kid for an hour and a bit; Steph and Richie attempt to kill each other a second time; Grace has a mental breakdown/crisis of faith in the corner; Pete is literally the only ‘normal’ one; and Max honestly doesn’t know why he’s here.

Sail Away to Canada

An alternative NPMD ending where they do actually sail away to Canada and get new identities. A lot more slice of life and silly scenarios of them trying to remain undercover… until Solomon drags them back to deal with the mess (Max’s ghost) they left behind. Only there’s one issue: Grace may or may not have lost the winning card of her chastity to Lautski and they might have to aggressively play Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who’s taking the bullet.

Something Fun, Something Tasty

Another alternative NPMD ending where Steph’s sacrifice isn’t the death of what she cherishes most, but they’re humanity. Pete and Grace struggle to adapt to their new life as… whatever the heck they are now. Monsters? Pets? Vessels? Steph just feels incredibly guilty; she’s also kinda the new Miss Holloway.

Take a Walk in My Shoes

Steph and Grace wake up in each other’s bodies in what they think is just a random nightmare. With the help of Pete, they slowly uncover that there’s something a lot more sinister going on at Abstinence Camp. And maybe a certain deal that was stuck between Mayor Lauter and the Jerries over a black book…

The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals

Essentially TGWDLM but Pete is Paul. And he has the unfortunate fate of losing one girlfriend to the apocalypse, while trying to escape with the other. This definitely isn’t something that’ll be used against him in the final act…

[sunderwight]

Scenario where cumplane become friends before the Abyss, and Luo Binghe determines that actually, Shang Qinghua is potentially his biggest romantic rival.

Not because Shang Qinghua is particularly seductive, and not even because of their friendship, but because Shang Qinghua actually seems to be fluent in Shen Qingqiu's weird and at times contradictory signals.

Liu Qingge and Yue Qingyuan can yearn and pine all they want, but they can't even convey romantic interest in a format Shen Qingqiu can or will recognize, so at the end of the day they're making all of these overtures and Shen Qingqiu is just like oh what nice friends :) about it. There's way less risk of him ever accepting their suits when he can't recognize them as such, and when neither of the other guys even realize he can't recognize them as such!

But Shang Qinghua...

Shang Qinghua knows that Shen Qingqiu is unaware, too. And he knows how to make him aware. He knows how to parse Shen Qingqiu's odd double-speak and mixed signals maybe even better than Luo Binghe himself. Plus he can anticipate what things Shen Qingqiu is liable to react strangely or inconsistently towards, when again, even Binghe struggles to do that sometimes!

If Shang Qinghua ever made a move on Shen Qingqiu, he would be able to convey his intentions clearly. And before Binghe has the social standing to actually present himself as a viable alternative, he wouldn't even be able to argue against the match! It would be totally dependent on whether or not Shen Qingqiu was interested, and Luo Binghe cannot say with confidence that he actually wouldn't be? Shang Qinghua may be the weakest and least dashing of the peak lords, but he's not bad looking. He even has certain traits which Luo Binghe himself shares, traits Binghe's deliberately tried to emphasize because he knows Shizun responds to them, like being pathetic, and clingy, and clumsy, and having big eyes and curls in his hair and doing important work that helps make Shen Qingqiu's life more comfortable...!

Luo Binghe starts spying on Shang Qinghua. He is going to get dirt on him, and he is going to blackmail him into swearing that he will never ever attempt to court Shen Qingqiu! At least not until after Binghe has reached his majority and can fairly compete with him for his master's affections!

Of course, this is how Luo Binghe discovers that Shang Qinghua is a spy for Mobei Jun, and is plotting to assist in an attack on the Immortal Alliance Conference.

A revelation which accidentally creates such an untenable situation that the plot shifts irrevocably. All Shen Qingqiu knows about it is that out of nowhere the System has offered to remove the Endless Abyss mandatory plot point but only if Shen Qingqiu agrees to purchase something it's calling The Espionage Path...?

[qiu-yan]

imagine the following scenario: one day, the MXTX protagonists + love interests find out, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that they are fictional characters; that they were created to star in a romance-genre web serialization centered around their relationship.

in this kind of situation, i feel like all of the MXTX protagonists would experience some level of existential crisis.....except for luo binghe.

fo luo binghe, the reveal would be twofold. first, there would be the PIDW reveal: that luo binghe was originally to be the protagonist of the webnovel PIDW, and that his fate changed when one of the novel's anti-fans, peerless cucumber, transmigrated into the body of shen qingqiu and derailed the entire plot.

second, there would be the SVSSS reveal: that, in reality, all of the above was actually the plot of another novel - the scum villain's self-saving system - and that said novel is not concerned with any of luo binghe's feats or conquests or the like, but rather is about the romance between shen qingqiu (shen yuan) and luo binghe. and that, rather than being the protagonist, luo binghe is instead the male lead to shen qingqiu's protagonist.

except literally both of these reveals are massive Ws for luo binghe?? first, for the PIDW reveal, luo binghe finds out why shen qingqiu pushed him into the abyss - not because shen qingqiu hated him, but rather because the system literally forced shen qingqiu to do so upon threat of death. furthermore, luo binghe learns shen qingqiu's real identity: someone who read about luo binghe from an alternate universe and came to love him, someone who loved luo binghe across dimensions so much that, upon seeing that luo binghe's story was to end with zero true emotional fulfillment, rejected this ending so vociferously that he ended up changing luo binghe's entire fate.

and then, the SVSSS reveal: this entire universe only exists because MXTX wanted to tell the story of the romance between shen qingqiu and luo binghe. from the beginning, shen qingqiu and luo binghe were fated to end up together. and, if shen qingqiu is the protagonist, that means luo binghe was literally created to love him.

absolute ego boost. massive W. every other MXTX character would be experiencing the existential crisis to end all existential crises, but not our luo binghe. nothing but victories for him.

[lone-berry0]

I generally avoid forming any solid opinions on what happens in shows until they end because almost always you're not going to have all of the context to fully understand the intent behind the writing until later episodes or even right until the end. And I think a lot of people are forgetting that miraculous ladybug isn't over, that was not the end.

But yeah I'm inclined to agree with you.

It does feel to me that it was ladybug/Marinette fighting hawkmoth and Chat Noir / Adrien was supporting Ladybug (note that him being in more of a support role absolutely does not mean they aren't equal partners), so it makes sense that it would be ladybug who defeats hawkmoth in the end, and now the roles will reverse and the focus will be on Marinette supporting Adrien in his conflict with Gabriel.

I also think that aside from the more outward conflict marinette had with hawkmoth and Adrien with Gabriel, it's also about their conflicts with themselves. I think being ladybug taught Marinette confidence and to confront her fears (might be over simplifying that but if I think on it too much I'm going to forget what I'm trying to say here), and Adrien's has and will be about learning autonomy and standing up for himself (again, might be over simplifying/ missing something, but my brain is turning to mush rn).

I'm not sure how Adrien's conflict with his dad will play out seeing as Gabe is dead, I seriously doubt it's going to be a literal confrontation with him (though who knows with some of the craziness happening in the show), but I do think it will be about learning and coming to terms with who his dad really was and what he did and why. I imagine Adrien's conflict with him self will partly be represented with the whole him being a sentibeing thing.

I think that wraps up what I wanted to say here (and a bit more than I originally intended).

I will say as a side note, yes I can understand the disappointment over Chat Noir / Adrien not being in the final battle and all the angst that comes with it, but there is a mountain of fanfiction where that confrontation happens, and I do fully believe we will get that confrontation in canon, it just won't be during a physical battle with hawkmoth, and Gabe won't be there to see the full impact of his actions (which I do find frustrating because dammit I want him to see and to suffer, but that's nothing against the writing of the show).

Okay there was a time where I would've asked you to please shoot me in the face if I ever made a post overanalyzing this show, but let me just offer my interpretation of the writers' decision to leave Adrien out of the final fight, because personally I thought it was a very good, very impactful decision. You are more than welcome to disagree with me, but please, I beg of you to disagree with me after actually understanding my logic here.

There are two heroes of the show. Marinette/Ladybug and Adrien/Cat Noir. There were two central conflicts of the show. The heroes' fight against Hawk Moth, and Adrien's conflict with his dad. The cool thing about this show is that one man, Gabriel Agreste, serves as the antagonist for both of these conflicts. He is the supervillain the heroes are fighting. He is also the bad father Adrien is growing up with. This made for some prime dramatic irony in the show.

But just because the antagonist is the same in these two conflicts doesn't mean these two conflicts are connected. Yeah, I know they're connected because of Adrien's mom and whatnot, but up until the very final moments of this arc, the heroes did not know this.

Remember that first conflict I mentioned? The heroes' fight with Hawk Moth? Ever since the start of the show, that has primarily been Marinette's battle. She was the hero who bore the brunt of this conflict. She was the hero who cared more about it. This was Marinette's conflict, so she was the one to end it.

The reason Adrien wasn't there for the final fight is because that was Marinette's fight. Hawk Moth was Marinette's fight. And Gabriel Agreste is Adrien's fight. And just because Gabriel Agreste is dead, doesn't mean Adrien's conflict is over.

So no, I don't think Marinette being there by herself was just a "gotta have the cute bugnoire outfit ~uwu~" decision (though the writers may have seen the cute bugnoire outfit as a bonus), I think it was an impactful decision because the Hawk Moth conflict was Marinette's conflict and it was pretty symbolic to have Marinette fuse the ladybug and black cat miraculouses, seeing as that was the main goal of her nemesis for the entire show.

I liked that Marinette was by herself in the end. It signaled her growth as a hero. She started this arc lacking confidence and relying on reassurance from Cat Noir, and ended it able to defeat the antagonist herself and even offering him help.

If you think Cat Noir should have been there, ask yourself two things: "Would Adrien have gotten any catharsis at all from this fight?" and "Did I want Adrien there just because I wanted the angst of seeing my blorbo going through it?"

[devilish-cherry]

ᨳ♡₊➳ jujutsu kaisen x reader

ᨳ♡₊➳ crack with plot

"You hate your job. The pay is bad, your manager is worse, and customers are somehow both entitled and clueless. Just as you finish contemplating whether unpaid breaks are a human rights violation, weird new people keep showing up to the café. They all seem to know each other. Sometimes they talk in cryptic phrases. What the hell is this domain and why do they want to expand it? One time, a man with stitches on his forehead walked in, made prolonged eye contact with you, and then left without ordering anything. You’re pretty sure he was a serial killer. Another time, the one with white hair and sunglasses indoors mentioned a "higher mission", and you’re 90% sure this is how cult documentaries start. One of your regulars only speaks in weird food-related phrases. You assume he has some kind of medical condition, but no one explains anything to you. But you are not about to ask questions, because ignorance is bliss and also job security. And unfortunately, they are all weird and they seem very interested in coming back."

꒰ masterlist ꒱ ₊⊹. ꒰ chapter 6 ꒱ ₊⊹. ꒰ chapter 8 ꒱

ᨳ♡₊➳ or read on archive of our own!

ᨳ♡₊➳ a/n: hey hey! i wrote a little minimum wage, maximum suffering side story for a nanami x reader request! obviously, it’s not canon to this main fic—just a fun little “what if” scenario where the barista and nanami get to be two overworked exhausted souls, bake together, and accidentally start catching feelings. if that sounds like your vibe, feel free to check it out! also, just a reminder that i’m taking requests, so if there’s something specific you wanna see in this universe or any jjk x reader content in general, send it my way! thank you all so much for the love and kind feedback—reading your reactions truly makes my day. hope you’re enjoying the chaos!! 🫶

You wake up to the sound of your phone buzzing aggressively against your nightstand. You consider letting it vibrate itself into the abyss, but then you see the name on the screen.

Greg the Manager.

Of course, it’s Greg.

You contemplate ignoring it. After all, you've gotten pretty good at ghosting calls from him. But then you remember the last time you did that, and Greg left you a voicemail that said, "Hey dude, I know you don’t like getting called, but I need help because the espresso machine is like… emitting a black fog? But no worries, bro, I handled it—put a towel over it."

The towel, you later discovered, had caught fire.

So, for the sake of fire safety and whatever remains of your sanity, you begrudgingly pick up.

"Yo," Greg the Manager answers, sounding unreasonably chill.

"What’s wrong," you say, already bracing yourself.

"Uh. Don’t freak out, but the espresso machine made a sound that was, like… unholy."

You close your eyes. Rub your face. Consider throwing your phone out the window. "Greg. It always does that."

"Like, bro, I’m telling you, it sounded sentient this time."

"It’s just a machine, Greg," you reply, a deep sigh escaping you.

"I don’t know, man. It said something."

You sit up now, the exhaustion of life creeping up on you. "It spoke?"

"Not, like, English," Greg clarifies, sounding very much like he’s trying to convince himself. "But it made a noise that felt like it had intent."

Before you can even come up with something appropriately sarcastic, Greg makes a noise of panic. "Oh god. It’s smoking. Again."

You hang up.

By the time you drag yourself to work, the café smells like burnt espresso, disappointment, and what you can only assume is the palpable scent of existential dread. Greg the Manager is standing frozen in front of the espresso machine, which looks like it’s on the verge of giving up on life—or maybe plotting to drag him into some alternate dimension. You can’t decide. Either way, it’s rattling violently, as if trying to break free from the shackles of this mortal plane.

"Hey," Greg greets you, looking vaguely guilty.

You stare at him, then at the machine, which lets out a low, menacing hum. "What did you do?"

"Nothing!" he says, a little too defensively.

You narrow your eyes.

"Okay, so I may have, like, smacked it real hard because it wasn’t working."

"You WHAT?!" You take a step back, half-expecting the espresso machine to come alive and launch itself at you like some caffeinated version of The Terminator.

"I—"

Before he can finish his sentence, the espresso machine lets out a noise that can only be described as otherworldly. It’s a screech that would make an animal in pain sound pleasant by comparison. The lights flicker. A single ominous spark shoots out of its side.

You take another step back, because honestly, at this point, there’s nothing left to do but stare at the impending doom of your workplace with all the grace and patience of a minimum-wage worker who’s clocking in for a shift that’s definitely going to suck.

“Cool,” you say flatly. “So we’re all gonna die today.”

When you hear no response, you turn. Of course, Greg—ever useless—has disappeared. Just gone. Like a damn mirage. You glance around the café, mentally preparing for the usual gauntlet of weirdness.

Muffin Guy is in his usual spot, staring at his muffin like it holds the secrets of the universe, and a woman is peering at the menu like it’s written in hieroglyphics. The vibes are bad. Just another typical day at the café.

And then—because life loves making things worse—the door chimes. You look up to see Choso and Yuji walking in. Well, Yuji walks in like a normal person. Choso, however, enters like he’s surveying enemy territory. He, as usual, zeros in on you like a heat-seeking missile.

"Barista," Choso greets you solemnly, as if he’s about to deliver some deeply important news.

"Choso," you reply, because this is just how your conversations go now.

"I have returned."

"You sure have, bud."

“You look exhausted.” Choso observes, his brows furrowing like he’s genuinely concerned.

You, running on caffeine and spite, give him a tired look. “That’s just my face.”

Choso doesn’t get sarcasm. Not even a little. His frown deepens. "I will give you nourishment."

Yuji, sensing an impending crisis, groans loudly. "Choso, please. We talked about this."

You already know what’s coming. You brace yourself. “Let me guess. You brought an entire feast again?”

Choso, ever serious, reaches into his pocket. You hold your breath.

And then, finally, he pulls out a single, modest red apple and places it on the counter like he’s offering you the Holy Grail.

Yuji’s jaw drops. “Character development?! He only brought one thing?”

Choso nods solemnly, like he just made a sacrifice. “I am learning restraint.”

You stare at the apple. “Where did you even get this?”

Choso pauses. Looks at Yuji. Looks at the apple. Looks away.

Yuji’s expression shifts to pure betrayal. “Did you—DID YOU STEAL THIS FROM THE FRUIT STAND WE WALKED BY EARLIER?”

Choso looks totally unbothered. “The barista needs nourishment.”

“THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CAN JUST COMMIT CRIMES—”

Before Yuji can launch into a full-on rant about the ethics of fruit theft, the door chimes again, and in walks a new customer.

This guy?

He radiates vibes.

The kind of vibes that scream, "I’m either a cult leader or a very rich businessman who just walked out of a TED Talk on ‘The Secrets of Power.’"

Tall, sharp features, long black hair partially tied up in a man bun with loose strands framing his face. He’s wearing traditional robes that look like they cost more than your monthly rent. His movements are slow and deliberate with the kind of controlled grace that screams villain.

As he steps inside, he sniffs—like a Victorian aristocrat who just walked into a peasant’s barn. Then, with a look of absolute disdain, he pulls out a small spray bottle, mutters "disgusting," and mists himself like a beauty influencer on a self-care day.

You blink. Slowly.

Did this man just Febreze himself?

He catches your stare. Of course he does. And you instantly know: This man is judging you. Hard. You can feel it deep in your soul.

Choso immediately tenses. Yuji just looks confused.

“...Do I know you? You look sorta familiar,” Yuji asks, like he’s trying to place the guy who just sprayed himself down with Eau de I Think I’m Better Than You.

The man ignores both of them and strides up to the counter.

Then, he smiles.

It is fake as all hell. You would know, you give fake smiles on the daily.

"Hello," he says, voice smooth and deeply insincere.

Your customer service instincts activate against your will. “Hi. Welcome to—"

"You work here?" he interrupts, in the same tone someone might use to ask, "You live in filth?"

“…No. I just wear the apron and make lattes for fun.”

His lip curls slightly, as if your existence alone offends him. "I see. Sharp-tongued for a monkey."

There’s a pause.

You stare at the man.

Yuji sputters, clutching his hoodie like it might protect him from the sheer audacity unfolding before him.

Choso glares, his resting murder-face intensifying.

The man—who is now on your personal Most Hated Customers List, right beneath that one guy who asked if oat milk had dairy in it—lets out a long, exasperated sigh, as if he’s the one enduring the most in this situation.

"It’s just an observation," he says smoothly, like that somehow makes it better.

You deadpan. "Observation of what? My ability to use tools? My advanced problem-solving skills?"

"Charming," he muses, as if you’re some kind of exotic street performer. "No wonder Satoru enjoys this place."

Your eye twitches. Oh god. Of course.

"You know Gojo?"

The man’s expression flickers—just for a second. His eyes darken slightly before he schools his face back into the usual smooth, infuriating calm.

"In a way," he says cryptically, which is not an answer, but whatever.

Yuji cautiously clears his throat. "Uh. So. What’s your name?"

The man smiles, slow and deliberate. "Suguru Geto."

Choso, who has not stopped glaring since this conversation began, somehow glares harder. Geto notices and, rather than feeling threatened like a normal person, looks vaguely pleased.

"Can’t a man enjoy a cup of tea?" Geto asks, all silk and smugness. Then, he turns back to you, fixing you with an expression so judgmental it makes your soul itch. "This is an establishment that serves tea, isn’t it?"

You squint at him. "You seem like the type to order something obscure, like… oolong infused with the souls of the damned."

His lips twitch, like he wants to smirk but refuses to let you amuse him. "Just green tea will suffice."

"Sure," you nod half-heartedly. "Coming right up."

As you prepare the drink, you vaguely register that Yuji looks like he’s trying to astral project himself out of this situation, while Choso—without a word—has positioned himself just slightly in front of you, like a silent, glaring guard dog.

Then, as if the universe has decided that this moment isn’t chaotic enough, the café door SLAMS open.

And in saunters Gojo.

Like he owns the place. Like he’s walking onto the stage of his own Broadway debut.

"HELLO, MY FAVORITE MINIMUM WAGE WORKER!" Gojo announces loudly. "HAVE YOU SEEN A—"

Then, he sees him.

Gojo’s entire body freezes.

Geto, for his part, remains utterly calm. He doesn’t flinch, doesn’t shift. The only movement comes from his fingers, lightly tapping against his tea cup you had just placed in front of him like this is some casual interaction and not charged with enough tension to power the national grid.

"Satoru," Geto greets smoothly, tilting his head.

Gojo blinks once. Twice. Then he grins—but it’s different. It’s not his usual annoying, gremlin-esque grin. It’s sharper. Tighter. Colder.

"Suguru," he replies, voice light, but not playful.

You, oblivious to all actual context, just sigh.

"Cool," you say, absolutely exhausted. "What is this? A long-lost soap opera reunion?"

Geto lets out a low chuckle. "Something like that," he hums, setting his tea down with elegant precision. "We're… old friends."

You know drama when you hear it.

“Old friends,” you repeat, skeptical. "Like actual old friends, or ‘we broke up and now we’re enemies who pretend not to care but totally do’?"

Gojo, without missing a beat, grins. “Oh, it’s the second one.”

Geto’s eye twitches.

You nod slowly. “Yeah. That makes sense.”

There’s a pause. The kind of silence thick with unspoken words and deep-seated resentment. The kind of silence that happens right before someone dramatically walks out of a family Thanksgiving dinner.

Naturally, Gojo—because he can’t handle silence like a normal person—fills it.

“Man, this really takes me back,” he says wistfully, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Us, standing together in a café, like old times—”

“We never did this,” Geto interrupts with an unimpressed expression.

“—Me, looking as handsome as ever,” Gojo continues, undeterred. “You, glaring at me because you can’t admit you miss me.”

Geto lets out the deepest, most suffering sigh you have ever heard. “I don’t.”

“Lies.”

You press a hand against your forehead. "I don’t get paid enough for this."

Unfortunately, Geto has now turned his hyper-critical stare back on you, and it is very much unwelcome.

"How pathetic," Geto murmurs, studying you like you’re some kind of pitiful lab rat trapped in the maze of capitalism. "To be stuck in such a miserable life."

You're too exhausted for whatever pretentious nonsense he’s about to drop. "I know you’re about to say some weird philosophical nonsense, and I do not have the mental capacity for it today."

Gojo snorts.

Geto tilts his head, smiling in that way that makes you feel like he thinks he’s playing some kind of intellectual chess match. You are, unfortunately, not interested in playing.

Choso, usually the embodiment of silent, looming presence, apparently hit his limit. Without hesitation, he stepped directly in front of you like he was personally responsible for your well-being, his posture stiff and protective, his face a masterpiece of disapproval. His expression was one part overprotective, three parts ready to physically launch a man through the nearest window.

"Do not insult the barista."

His voice was so serious, so weighted with dramatic intensity, that for a moment, the café itself seemed to still. Geto raised an eyebrow, vaguely intrigued. Yuji looked like he was about to pass out from the amount of secondhand embarrassment. Gojo’s grin stretched wider, already living for the drama.

You sighed, deeply accustomed to the daily horrors of customer service. "Choso, I literally get insulted daily. It’s fine."

"It is not fine," Choso insisted, his voice filled with righteous indignation. "You are valued."

There was a pause.

A long one.

You blink a few times.

Yuji made a noise. A high-pitched, inhuman noise that sounded like a balloon deflating in sheer disbelief.

Gojo clutched his chest, looking like he’d just witnessed the most beautiful love confession of the century.

Geto? Silent. Watching with rapt fascination, like a scientist observing a new species exhibit an unexpected behavior.

Meanwhile, you stared at Choso like he had just dramatically confessed his eternal devotion to a bag of expired croissants.

"I… okay," you said finally, unsure how to respond to this level of sincerity at nine in the morning. "…Thanks?"

Choso nodded, as solemn as ever. "You deserve respect."

Yuji, still desperately trying to process what was happening, let out a tiny, suffering groan, like his soul was actively exiting his body. "Choso, please. You can’t just—just declare things like that—"

"But it’s true, brother." Choso replied simply, as if that justified everything. "The barista is important."

Gojo, absolutely thriving on the chaos, turned to Geto with a shit-eating grin. "See, Suguru? That’s how you show appreciation. Unlike someone I know."

Geto ignored him, his eyes flickering between you and Choso with a quiet, analytical interest. He looked like he was filing this entire interaction away for later use, tucking it into some folder labeled: Barista-Choso Phenomenon. His lips curled into a slow, knowing smirk.

"My, my," he mused, tilting his head. "How unexpectedly devoted."

Choso, ever the man of direct responses, stared him down. "I would kill you."

Yuji visibly malfunctioned. "CHO."

"Oh, this is interesting," Geto murmured, his eyes twinkling like he was delighted by this development. "Satoru, did you know your little friend here had such a strong sense of loyalty?"

Gojo, grinning like he just won the chaos lottery, threw an arm around Choso’s shoulders. "Oh, yeah. Big bro instincts. Real serious about them."

Choso immediately shrugged Gojo off like he was nothing more than an unwanted speck of dust.

Gojo dramatically clutched his chest, stumbling back. "Oof. Rejected. That one hurt."

You exhaled sharply, ready to throw all of them out. "Can we please get back to the part where I have a job and you are all customers and not—whatever the hell this is?"

Gojo clapped his hands together, bright as ever. "Okay! So! What’s my favorite barista been up to?"

You considered lying. Unfortunately, your reality was too bleak to sugarcoat.

"Oh, you know," you said, voice flat as a pancake. "The usual. Greg is definitely useless. A man tried to pay for his coffee with wisdom, which, fun fact, does not pay my rent."

Gojo gasped dramatically. "Shocking. Wisdom is worthless?"

"Yes," you deadpanned. "Turns out, landlords prefer actual money. Who knew?"

Gojo nodded, stroking his chin like an old wise sage reflecting on the tragedy of the modern world. "Late-stage capitalism. Terrible stuff."

"You don’t know the half of it," you muttered.

And then—because your suffering was never-ending—Greg the Manager wandered in from the back, looking just as dazed and blissfully unaware as ever.

"Yo," he greeted.

Geto’s nose wrinkled in visible disgust. His gaze flicked to you, then back to Greg, and for a moment, he seemed genuinely baffled that such a person existed.

“…Who is this?” Geto asked, his voice laced with pure judgment.

Greg, oblivious to the chaos around him and completely missing Geto's stare of disdain, stretched lazily. "The espresso machine started making weird noises again. It was, like, growling or something, so I put a sign on it."

Your eyes narrowed. "What kind of sign?"

Greg shrugged again. "You know. ‘Out of Order.’ But also, ‘Do Not Anger It.’ Just in case."

Geto slowly turned his head to you, processing this information. His expression was unreadable.

"…Your machine growls?" he asked, a little too intrigued.

You exhaled sharply. "It makes noises. But it’s not haunted."

Geto looked from the espresso machine, back to you, back to the espresso machine, like he was staring at a very stupid child.

"…You poor, oblivious fool."

Before you could fire back with peak sarcasm, the espresso machine let out an unholy screech that could only be described as a hundred lost souls wailing in agony.

The lights flickered violently.

Muffin Guy finally blinked.

Geto’s fingers stilled around his cup. His gaze flickered toward the espresso machine with genuine curiosity.

"Tell me," he said, tilting his head. "Do you ever feel like something is… watching you in this place?"

"Dude, I work in customer service. I feel eyes on me all the time."

Geto chuckled, seemingly amused by your suffering. "No, not customers. Something… else."

"Oh my god," you scoffed. "Are you also about to tell me the espresso machine is cursed?"

The espresso machine, as if personally offended, let out another deep, guttural groan. The lights dimmed.

You refused to react. This was just your life now.

Geto raised a single brow. "You don’t find that strange?"

You sighed and crossed your atms. "It just does that sometimes."

"Fascinating." Geto mused, though you had the sense that he was being condescending. He then turned to Gojo, still lounging near the counter. "Satoru, I have to ask. Why haven’t you exorcised that thing yet?"

Gojo grinned. "Hey, it’s part of our beloved minimum wage worker’s daily experience! It would be cruel to take away such an iconic workplace feature."

"Why does everyone keep making ominous comments about my espresso machine?!" you demanded. "It’s just a little broken!"

Greg the Manager nodded sagely and put his two cents in even though nobody asked. "Yeah. Just a little."

The espresso machine rattled violently.

Greg backpedaled. "Actually, maybe more than a little."

You caught Choso still glaring at Geto like he was actively plotting his downfall. Yuji, meanwhile, looked like he was actively trying to escape this awkward situation through sheer force of will.

And then—just when you thought it couldn’t get worse—Geto picked up his tea and walked straight to the nearest table.

And sat down.

And got comfortable.

Your stomach dropped.

"…You’re staying?" you asked, dreading the answer.

Geto sipped his tea, looking far too smug. "Oh, yes. I think I’ll linger."

You turned to Gojo, silently begging for intervention.

Gojo just grinned. "Oh, buddy. He’s a linger-er."

Your soul left your body.

Yuji, still tense, whispered to Choso, "Uh. We should probably go."

Choso crossed his arms. "Not until he leaves."

Geto, ever the bastard, smirked.

Yuji groaned, fully done with everything. "Oh my god. This is literally the worst possible dynamic."

It was.

It really, truly was.

And as you watched Geto settle in, taking in the café like he owned the place, you realized something horrifying:

Your life was about to get even worse.

₊⊹. tag list: @alpha-mommy69 @luluminati @amortsukii-writes @inthedarkshadows000 @isomehowexist @not-aya @emochosoluvr @lov3vivian @literallyushiwaka

[toaarcan]

I'm not wading into CR God Discourse this week, shit seems especially angry this time around and I've made my thoughts on that pretty clear already (no, the needle hasn't moved any). But man... I do not vibe with Predathos as an individual at all.

Like, the fights themselves were fantastic. Possessed Imogen was great, Imogen's escape leading to it turning into a more monstrous form was great, its evolution into an N64 "Head and Hands" monster for Phase 2 was great, and the fight in E120 was immaculate, I had so much fun watching it.

But man does Predathos itself, as an entity, disappoint.

Like, we have this eldritch monster from beyond all living memory, that's been imprisoned for thousands of years. It's been trying to find a way out ever since then. But all it does once it does get out is roar and attack things. Its characterisation can be summed up with "Hungy."

The campaign's earlier episodes present it as a terrible, horrifying thing, that the gods and primordials united to imprison. Its presence created the Ruidians, not by artifice but because being in its presence heavily mutated everything on the moon. They used to be regular Exandrian mortals and now they're not! And when Ludinus first made contact with it, it destroyed and permanently blighted an entire city. But apparently now it's no danger at all to anyone else. The Primordials were just doing the gods a favour by imprisoning it, I guess.

And the way it's been presented in these last two episodes is just inconsistent between story and gameplay. "It doesn't see mortals, it only sees the gods" but it has no issues having a full two-phase boss battle with a group of mortals, where it makes strategic and deliberate moves against them. "The Ruiner flees at the mere sight of it within Imogen, and the gods and all their celestial creations are helpless against it" but Braius can smite it and the Matron's boons can turn the tide and the Arch Heart's bottled Meteor Swarm is used to kill it.

Gameplay!Predathos can see mortals well enough to fight them, and has no trouble eating them. Lore!Predathos can't see them at all, and only wants to eat the gods. Gameplay!Predathos can be blasted with divine power and divine weapons and divine magic and it will be beaten. Lore!Predathos is totally immune to divine anything.

Predathos doesn't feel like a coherent character design for a game, it feels like a plot device designed to result in the exact end-stage scenario of E120. The gods can't fight it, so they and their followers have to do whatever BH says, because the alternative is them dying anyway. It has no desire to eat mortals so that there's no negative consequences to releasing it, just ignore Molaesmyr and how dramatically it's mutated the Ruidians (reshaping pre-existing life is only bad if the gods do it I guess). But none of this factors into the actual fight with it, where it has no problems seeing and eating mortals, and it can't no-sell divine power. And the fight was fun as hell, but Predathos' mechanics as an RPG Final Boss Monster do not reflect Predathos' in-lore role as the consequence-free invincible deicide machine.

[avelera]

Honestly? I’d be super curious to see more “Jayce got sent to the Powder reality” or just any other reality where he inhabits his own body there (so not S2 Jayce/S1 Viktor fic I mean fic where Jayce gets the Ekko treatment) but where Jayce just… tells the truth about being from an alternate universe right away?

Because really, if ANYONE would accept the possibility of alternate universes RIGHT AWAY, it would be Viktor, or Heimerdinger, or in general people from the circles that Jayce very much moves in as someone working on the theoretical edge of science.

The reason I’m thinking about this is I feel like I’ve seen a few of these fics now where a lot of sort of predictable drama gets generated by Jayce trying to blend in and pretend to be his AU self with absolutely nothing to go off of, but to me that seems 10x more difficult and prone to disaster than just… trusting that his science buddies will be open to the possibility that a very weird scientific event is happening to the guy who was fiddling with HARNESSING MAGIC WITH SCIENCE and needs some help right now.

Idk, maybe it’s my penchant for thinking in straight lines. Maybe I just need to write it. But I also genuinely have a story… Frustration? With unexamined tropes and stories that immediately assume that talking about or asking for help about the magical or supernatural things happening to the characters would get them consigned immediately to some insane asylum.

Like, unless someone has a HISTORY of struggles with reality, I think most people are willing to play along a bit. If one of my friends or even my partner ran up to me and said “I know I look like myself but I’m actually from another dimension inhabiting my counterparts’ body and I need your help getting back.” Idk, I’d like to think I’m pretty genre savvy and have a decent sense of humor. I’d be willing to play along until they get tired of the game or provide me with some hard evidence that something legitimately out of this world is happening. I’m not going to immediately have them arrested or committed, ffs, even if they’re my worst enemy. I MIGHT check in with someone close to them to ask if they’ve been acting strange lately or if they have suggestions in case this person is legitimately having a psychological event of some kind, but again, my first response isn’t to freak out at them, it’s to ask for more details and get a sense for what’s going on here.

But to get back to Jayce, in general, he has people in his life experimenting with the bleeding edge fringe of theoretical science and I think he could count on a fair number of sympathetic and even helpful ears. At least, people willing to entertain his hypothetical for a bit if he brings it up as a possibility rather than a thing actively happening to him right now. I think he’d definitely have more success going to an AU Viktor or Heimerdinger and asking for their help with such a theoretical scenario than he would stumbling around trying to pretend to be his alternate self when he has no frame of reference for what this AU’s self is even like. After all, Jayce is a scientist, not an actor, and he knows it. He can give a speech but I’m not sure that translates to like… playing along with an entire life that isn’t his, full immersion LARPing type stuff.

And for the record, it’s not so much that I’m critiquing these fics. I get the reason for the tropes and how they generate the drama and the plot for the story the author wants to tell. It’s more that it’s a trope I’ve seen turn up in a few unrelated authors’ fics and that always gets my trope-contrarian brain buzzing with, “Ok but does this trope MAKE SENSE? Would Jayce or anyone in his situation be actually under so much pressure to disguise what happened to them as this story is implying they would be? Would anyone actually get locked up or in trouble for floating that they’re their AU self? Heck, wouldn’t it almost be SAFER to bring up the hypothetical, even as a joke, just to see if it’s like a known experiment in this world or a thing that regularly happens that everyone knows about, or at least to make some allies amongst your AU loved ones, rather than stumbling around getting in ACTUAL trouble in a world that could have completely different laws or customs than you’re aware of?”

Tropes, people! They should be interrogated!

[sunatsubu]

It's finally done! Some story ramblings below:

Was thinking of two possible scenarios:

This would be when Kallus is still undercover as Fulcrum, and he comes across the Spectres during one of their missions which of course goes sideways so he has to cover their escape. BUT he gets hurt doing so and chaos happens and basically the only way to help the Spectres escape is to sabatoge the ship. Kallus is too injured to move and resigns to go down with it, believing he's not worth saving but fine with that as long as the Spectres make it out safely. BUT of course Zeb is having none of that and comes back for him! Saves him just in the nick of time and the rest of the ship goes down so Kallus's undercover status stays intact.

OR

An alternate way for Kallus's final full defection to play out, he manages to get away from Thrawn but is still badly hurt and doesn't make it onto an escape pod. Somehow Zeb manages to get onto the ship (or maybe was already on the ship for whatever Plot reasons) and comes to save him.

[bambisnc]

     [kill the romeo] or, how zerobaseone would break generic cliches!

 PAIRING : ot9 x reader! GENRE : crack + fluff CW/TW : rushed i js wanted this  outta drafts/uneditted D: WC : 0.8k approx SUGGESTED 🎧: all of cinema  paradise actually XOXO : eeeeeeeeee + [m.list]

౨ ˖ 성한빈 : SUNG HANBIN ৎ ⋆

[miscommunication? nah too much communication] - i take no arguments. bro will Talk out everything and anything and we love that for him. there will be no unnecessary miscommunication drama in his household. it's like he has his green flag video game stats maxed out completely

౨ ˖ 김지웅 : KIM JIWOONG ৎ ⋆

[... there's too many beds] - this guy will nawt be caught slipping. any time you get mysteriously stranded and have to spend the night at a hotel all alone with him, he will make sure to book 2 separate rooms by hook or by crook (he behaves really nicely and politely with the hotel staff and they just melt and give in to his demands >.<). it's a whole other topic that by the end of the night either you or him take the initiative to softly knock at the other's door because you "jus' can't seem to fall asleep.."

౨ ˖ 章昊 : ZHANG HAO ৎ ⋆

[really, really nice guy who hates only you] - an absolute model of the sweetest guy ever ™ for some reason acting like an absolute hater *only* towards you. but plot twist (because if he actually hated us i couldn't deal w that.) his prickly, irritated, downright bitchy behavior towards you is due to him not knowing how to be normal around you without putting on some kind of a facade. due to yk. him being head over heels in love w you (yes i'm delusional.) the confession would finally be yelled out in the middle of an argument over some random, irrelevant issue neither of you actually care about, thanks for asking

          ⋅ ˚ ଳ ₊ ‧ others utc

౨ ˖ 석매튜 : SEOK MATTHEW ৎ ⋆

[.......... fake amnesia. we listen and we don't judge please] - going out on such a limb here but okay hear me out what if someone confessed to him. and he didn't know how to reply. so he. faked being an amnesiac. and obviously the person who confessed was worried so they like idk called you, his friend, up for help. cut to you reaching there like ???? wtf and him being like i'm sorry :) please help :). and obviously delicious shenanigans ensue afterward yum yum

౨ ˖ 김태래 : KIM TAERAE ৎ ⋆

[Way Too Hot to cuddle] - super specific winter based scenario but imagine you want to initiate more physical contact w your bf but don't exactly know how to say it so you mess around with the heater, to have a convenient excuse, but instead of lowering the intensity of the heat just a tad you accidentally. max the heat settings. and also break the heat adjustor. oops. it may be literally snowing outside but it's basically an entire sauna in there. you do Not know how to fix it.

(when you eventually end up asleep though, taerae simply takes out the plug of the heater right before wrapping you up in a huge comfy embrace :P)

౨ ˖ 沈泉锐 : SHEN QUANRUI ৎ ⋆

[true hate's kiss <3] - dipping into fantasy territory for the most royalty manhwa coded guy ever. you're cursed by some petty witch for whatever reason with the condition that only a kiss from your enemy would break it but for some reason didn't know about the condition. and in universe, you and ricky would already be rivals but when he found out about your curse as well as how it could broken (he's super smart/has connections okay just roll with it) he'd go out of his way to hide his own feelings piss you off more and more till your hatred is at an all time high. when you finally burst and strike a heated argument with ricky he ends up kissing you. (the audience cheers)

wait also imagine if after he kisses you nothing happens. the curse doesn't lift. wasn't the condition for your enemy to kiss you? so even if you were the only one who hated him it should've worked, no? ..

alternatively. the curse is lifted when he kisses you. but!! you don't know that. and him kissing you out of the blue would only lead to you being even madder at him. ong the angst potential is SOARING. do you guys get what i mean

god do i need to write a fic for this.

౨ ˖김규빈 : KIM GYUVIN ৎ ⋆

[everyone being convinced that you aren’t actually dating] - when you end up confessing to best friend!gyuvin and learning that he, in fact, likes you back, you start dating and couldn't be happier. except that ... literally no one believes it. you could be literally making out in front of all your friends and they'd be like haha! classic gyuvy/n like ...... gyuvin obviously would never let go of the opportunity to suggest actually getting married "only to show them that you're together frfr"

౨ ˖박건욱 : PARK GUNWOOK ৎ ⋆

[accidentally kidnapping a mafia boss?!?!] - unrealistic coded but let me set the scene. your roommate asks you to fake-kidnap one of their friends for a surprise birthday party and you comply. but!! you didn't what the person looked like. meaning the vague description you were texted was all you had to go off of. and well. obviously that doesn't go well. you end up coaxing gunwook over to your place only for your roommate to be absolutely flabbergasted and in a terrified tone, tell you that you have the wrong person. who just so happens to be rather notoriously well known. all while he sits there like :]

౨ ˖ 한유진 : HAN YUJIN ৎ ⋆

[love triangle but plot twist the two love interests get together instead] - school au where both of you have a crush on the class president-! constant competition and trying to one-up the other for their attention wraps up yujin and you in such a whirlwind that neither of you can actually tell when it stopped being about wooing the pres but instead became all about subtly trying to make the other jealous so they would finally take the first step

𐙚 . regulars : none yet! ⋆

[@bambisnc] 2k24

[mimiaguilar-bansheebender]

When Jinshi finally presents MaoMao as his bride (he’s too invested to leave her as just a concubine) i would love that some more time has passed and she has had time to prove herself as a great physician’s assistant (maybe the first girl doctor a girl can dream).

Also i think it would be hilarious if the 3 princesses prepared her for the presentation and with all the makeup and a tad more grown up she looks even more like Fengxian and Lakan is a happy tearful fox cause his beautiful and intelligent wife lives on in their daughter 🥲

Also! Read my rambles about what i think the best ending for the series would be:

i think the best ending would be something like yeah they're still solving mysteries and being consulted till the end of their days. Like sure, she might get kidnapped/hurt once or twice every couple of years, but also people now know she is LaKan's daughter and KaZuigetsu's favourite so the instances have reduced significantly.

I also think that MaoMao is super necessary for Jinshi cause he would def be at an early grave without her. she needs to balance him and whack him in the head for him to take breaks and take care of himself; alternatively she also needs him to stop her from playing with smth like quicksilver, so they're even.

they can't have a happily ever after. it is not realistic with the times and with the life they lead. they can only have a fulfilling life next to each other, supporting the work they both do because they both know how much value what the other one does actually has. A key part of their partnership is that they definitely admire each other in that point! They're both extremely hardworking individuals with amazing gifts that have had to develop masks for their own safety, but they're also inherently very good people that will run themselves ragged for other and the greater good, to imagine them riding into the sunset and getting a cabin to bake bread and live lovey dovey lives would be a disservice to them.

So imagine my surprise when the author said they want to give an ending that portrayed a (life goes on) vibe and people rioted on reddit (???) like thay is such a weird thing. How can you read on and on a again about MaoMao getting happy and liking the palace life (specifically the impact and help she can provide) to the point she wanted to beg not to be fired WAAAAY at the beginning; or about Jinshi running himself ragged to the point of extreme exhaustion, weight loss and passing out from sheer fatigue, just trying to fix and help the nation. To read them all reminiscence after wards like, we were dumb dumbs but we helped a lot of people, cue happy faces and think; yeah they def need to ride into the sunset! (like ???) These babies thrive of the work they do, to cut them off is to make them feel like their worth is diminished.

Is not that they like being recognized by their work, but they like the value their work gives their life and more importantly; they like to actively make the country and the palace a better place.

So when the time comes for the light novels to finish the only thing i wanna see is LaKan being a happy mess, cause his baby girl made it.

She is what Fengxian's life should've looked like in the best scenario. Had circumstances been different for them both, he would've come back and been able to buy her out and then she would've been the menace she was meant to be as the La Lady. But again, the time and the life they both led did not allow for that. Am i saying that they would've a fairytale life if he had been able to buy her? No! Let's remember most people either fear him or want him out of the way, they is no way to guarantee no one would've plotted against her or against baby MaoMao. They had a Happy-ish ending, where she knew she had been loved and he would never look at anyone but her, but she was already weak, sick and did not live long.

So MaoMao climbing ranks as rapidly as she did (let's remember she started out as a mere servant girl and Jinshi has been pushing to even the field since he made her take that first exam) LaKan will just see a small what if. Cause to him, Fengxian lives through their baby, she is every bit as cunning and beautiful, and while they were robbed of time and a better outcome by the times and his blindness, their baby just might make it.

He will make sure she can have a happier life than him or her Mom had, because the circumstances of their romance robbed her of a happy childhood, but also made her the woman she is today.

[penny-anna]

ok im just gonna throw this out here in case anyone has enough relevant medical knowledge to advise!

some of u might remember the robot story i shared a while back (not the one i published in the magazine, the other longer one).

i've been keeping the medical stuff in the backstory vague but i'm wrapping it up now and so far one reader has said they found it a bit confusing so if possible i'd like to come up with an actual medical explanation. if not possible then if anyone asks i'll chalk it up to the story being set in the future.

basically one of the characters in the story:

suffered a brain injury so severe that it left them high support & in need of 24 hour care

the brain injury is stated to be due to an unspecified illness rather than an accident

it's implied to have been some kind of long term illness rather than a single event as they had multiple brain scans taken tracking their progress. the pre injury brain scan is integral to the plot.

can anyone come up with a real world scenario that fits this?

the alternative is to go w it being a single event and come up with a handwave for why he'd had brain scans taken previously but i'm reluctant to have to add more exposition.

ETA: ALSO if anyone who read the story when i shared it here remembers whether or not this bothered them that would also be helpful (no worries if not i realise it's been a few months) (once again this isn't the published piece w the robot child it's a different project w different robot)

[xlatrina]

(Pt. III) Friends to Lovers HCs w/Homicipher x GN!Reader

Tags: Platonic + Romantic HCs, Friends to Lovers trope for basically every LI, Likely OOC for some LIs*, Mini Scenarios (so HCs are kinda plot-driven), *Multi-Part Series, entirely SFW

Also, changing tenses in some cases + not proofread again... sorry!

*Some of the LIs are likely written OOC (Out Of Character) mainly due to a lack of substantial in-game appearances (at least in my opinion!). 

*Split into multiple parts because I’ve come to realize that these HCs are muuucccchhh too long 😅 BUT!! I’m too lazy to shorten them sooo… YEAH lol

Part I (Big 🙆‍♂️)

Part II (Mr. Chopped 🪓)

Part III (Mr. Crawling 👣)

$$$

Mr. Crawling

This man is in love with you.

Lowkey could stop right there.

Well, anyway…

Mr. Crawling is a GREAT friend, actually.

Like he’s the kind of buddy that’s —first of all —down for whatever.

You said you tryna go walk through an unfamiliar part of the Apartments to try and find a mysterious elevator?

Well…

YEAH SURE HE’LL TAG ALONG

I MEAN… WHY THE HELL NOT, Y’KNOW??

“Me know place here,” He’ll say. More or less: I know this place!

And he’s so damn chipper about it, too!

He’s just an overall helpful guy.

He seems to have an intrinsic protective streak in him, too.

Which is interesting, ‘cause it’s like…

While it’s obvious he’s been in the Apartments for a long time, it’s clear that he hasn’t completely lost his sense of humanity.

I mean, trust —it’s definitely worn in some ways.

Like, he eats people bruh.

Trust, his sense of humanity is def gone in some ways...

But!! At least he's not as violent as the other ghosts can be!!

Like, generally speaking, you’ll find that he’s a pretty admirable dude.

He doesn’t hurt other entities for the pure sake of hurting them.

Defense, and alternatively —for food or other resources like clothes or tools.

Those would probably be the only reasons Mr. Crawling would ever just… attack someone, especially unprovoked (unprovoked, but not necessarily without reason).

That being said, he’s a social butterfly!!

He’s literally a professional yapper in every sense of the word.

Like… he could start a podcast LMAO

Podcast Bro!Mr. Crawling…

Anywho, he’s genuinely a people person and he likes being in good company.

Whether it’s you, Mr. Silvair, Mr. Chopped, Mr. Stitch(?), the Nurse, Mr. Wheelchair, the Hairdresser, etc…

He’s genuinely the type who could talk to literally anyone about anything for any amount of time.

If you’re a yapper too, this’ll probably be fun for you!

And hell, you may very well have met your match, LOL.

If you’re more introverted or quiet —no matter.

Mr. Crawling, being the professional he is, knows how to fill up any awkward silences with banter.

He doesn’t judge you at all on the basis of how you react to his yapping. Truly.

At the end of the day, he just enjoys sharing your company and getting to hear your voice, as little or as often as that occurs.

Hopefully, you don’t find his constant need for company annoying.

… Do you find him annoying?

At some point, Mr. Crawling begins to realize his feelings for you have changed…

In the case you accept him as a partner, he’s absolutely OVERJOYED.

Not only have you promised to indefinitely keep his company, but you also accepted him as your better half!

“You enjoy me?” He’ll ask, pulling himself over your curled-up form beneath the thin white sheets of the hospital bed.

“Me enjoy you,” you’ll say. You might even pet his head a few times, and he’ll giggle maniacally before dropping his head into your neck.

As Mr. Crawling’s fondness for you intensifies, so does his protective streak.

This guy turns into Papa Bear when it comes down to protecting his better half.

What Megan thee Stallion said??

“Three things I don’t play about: myself, my money, or my man!”

That, but more like: “... my friends, or my partner!”

Something like that, LOL.

Mr. Crawling’s sweethearted, bubbly, outgoing, protective, and quite affectionate. Intimacy is a language he speaks as fluently as his otherworldly one.

As we know, he’s very much the “high-maintenance” type.

He’s just super affectionate overall —and Mr. Crawling just wants to know that you’re always on the same page!

Tell him you love him. 

Tell him how fun it was exploring the same old dreary halls with him. Tell him how relieved you felt when he swooped in to shield you from danger, even though you could handle yourself just fine. Run your fingers through his hair and massage the nape of his neck as you tell him how much you’ve come to enjoy —and maybe even crave —his company.

And when you’re done…

Tell him you love him. Yes, again. Again and again and again and again and again…

He could never get enough. Truly.

He could never get enough of you.

With a boyfriend like Mr. Crawling, you’ll never have to fear a lack of comfort, protection, friendship, or intimacy…

Because he’s constantly giving it to you. 

You don’t even need to ask for any kind of intimacy —again, he’s giving it to you anyway.

And whether you’d like to shack up in a nearby spare room beside Mr. Silvair and Mr. Chopped’s loungeroom (of the sort) or if you take him with you to the surface world…

It makes no real difference in the way Mr. Crawling clings to you.

All he knows is so long as you’re both finding yourselves tangled together beneath the sheets each night, all is right in the world!

Mr. Crawling just wants to spend his evenings at home, and if home is where the heart is, then…

Well, you know how that goes!

[Part I (Mr. Big 🙆‍♂️) | Part II (Mr. Chopped 🪓, First Half/Second Half), Part III (Mr. Crawling 👣)]

[haru-dipthong]

Fansub Release + Analysis of Utena Ep 14

This is a big one!!

My fansub release posts aren't usually like this, but this episode is so jam packed with stuff I want to talk about that I had to write my translation notes as a series of essays. It's longer than usual so strap in!

First, a word on “The Mikage Seminar”

I’ve always found the translation “the Mikage Seminar” very strange. In English, a seminar is an event — a lecture. Yet “the Mikage Seminar” is discussed as though it’s not a recurring lecture, but a society or a school of therapy, or a cult (like scientology). In fact I did a bit of reading about scientology to try and find an alternative translation, and discovered that the origins of scientology, namely a set of ideas and practices called Dianetics, bears a lot of similarities to “the Mikage Seminar”. Both involve a type of therapy where one person looks into their mind and talks to an “auditor”.

The auditor coaxes the preclear to recall as much as possible. — Wikipedia

This in particular stood out to me! Mikage often says 「深く。もっと深く」 during his interviews (”Deeper. Dig deeper.”).

The Japanese word ゼミナール doesn’t actually come from the English “seminar” but the German “Seminar” (capitalised). According to Wikipedia, in Germany, and often in Japan, Seminar/ゼミナール is used to refer to a university course that includes a thesis project. So ゼミナール refers to a course of learning, rather than a talk or lecture. And it would make a lot of sense to call a system like Dianetics a “course”. Almost like a “course” of medicine — a “course” of psychological practices that you can join but never complete.

So it would make sense to translate it as “the Mikage Course”. But “course” has more meanings in English than just this, and in the context of a university this makes it sound more like a mundane teaching course. So I tried some other words: the Mikage Sessions, the Mikage Method, Mikage Psychotherapy, Mikage Therapy, the Mikage Movement. None seemed quite right. Until I remembered this post. ゼミナール is a foreign word in Japanese, why not find a foreign word for the translation? And so I settled on this:

The Mikage Seminarium, AKA The Society of the Black Rose…

Seminarium is Latin, and is where both the German and English derive seminar from. Its original meaning is “seed plot”, but it’s also just the Polish word for seminar. I really like how the Latin makes its meaning ambiguous — it kind of sounds like a location, kind of sounds like a society, and kind of sounds like a learning course. Because it is all of these things.

Anthy: では、香苗さん。失礼します。 Kanae: ね、あたしの事、お姉さんって呼んでいいのよ。もうすぐわたしはあなたの本当のお姉さんになるんだから。

A more literal translation:

Anthy: Thank you for having us, Kanae-san. Kanae: Please… you can just call me “sister”. I’m going to be your real sister soon enough anyway.

The translation I ended up going with:

Anthy: Thank you for having us, Miss Ohtori. Kanae: Please... you can just call me Kanae. We're going to be family soon. There's no need for the formalities.

Japanese honorifics strike again!

In English, sisters-in-law don’t ask to be called “sister”. That would be super weird in most scenarios, and this scene is trying to evoke a particular familiar feeling of closing a distance gap in a relationship. The audience is meant to relate. Changing how Anthy addresses Kanae was pivotal to this scene working properly.

わかりました。あなたは世界を革命するしかないでしょ。

I understand. Your only choice is to force the world to change around you.

This line is translated as “Your only choice is to revolutionise the world” by basically every other translation. The reason is clear — the Japanese is the same as when Utena pulls the sword out of Anthy, or when any of the other characters talk about “revolutionising the world”. However, in this context, I don’t like it. The nuance of the English phrase is quite different to the Japanese phrase. In English, it’s often used to describe new commercial products: “This new device will revolutionise the world!” It comes with an implied “for the better”, but has used to describe technological developments so unexciting that it can also feel hollow. When the student council talk of revolutionising the world, they sound like revolutionaries — the context makes it work. But in this context, it comes out of nowhere and doesn’t have any of that fervour, which makes it sound hollow and flaccid when it should sound sinister and manipulative.

I think a pervading throughline for all the Black Rose duelists is that they see their problems as caused by other people, with themselves being blameless. Rather than change how they approach their situation, Mikage tells them they’re in the right.

Your behaviour will set you down a path. If that path leads to your goals, well done! However, if your path does not lead to your goals, there’s only two ways you can achieve them.

The first is to change your behaviour so that it does align with your goals. The second, impossible way, is for the rest of the world to change such that your current path DOES end up leading to your goals. This second way is not possible in the real world. But it is possible in Utena.

Also I’ll just leave this here: “around you” → “revolve” → “revolution” 👀

Kanae tried to build a relationship with Anthy in a passive, non-confrontational, extremely Japanese way — the way she has been taught to behave, the “proper” way, a mechanical following of the social scripts. We don’t see a lot of their relationship, but the way she behaved and spoke of behaving towards Anthy is very very similar to the way my Japanese grandmother has behaved towards my and my brother’s partners.

It was unthinkable to her to change this pattern of behaviour. Her only choice was to change Anthy, change the rest of the world, so that her behaviour would lead to the outcomes she wants. You could describe this forceful bending of reality to be “revolutionising the world”.

この黒薔薇のある限り、私はこれから嘘の私を演じなくて住む。

As long as I have this Black Rose, I'm free from the lie I was living before.

Besides gender, growing up, and resisting change (which exist as separate themes but also all intertwine as one), another major theme present in Utena is the self and subjective reality. The self is explored within those first major three themes, but also in terms of how the self dictates reality with the Black Rose duellists.

Black Rose Kanae says that her past self was a lie.

It reminds me of all the times when I’ve been going through a personal trial and I’ve looked back on my past self and thought “How naive I was. I understand things better now.” And then after a while I realise I was wrong, and my first self was more right. And then later still, maybe I re-realise that the second self was more right! And so on! The reality of truth (or to use Kanae’s language, “lies”) is so subjective.

Who dictates knowledge production? Who decides what is true; what is valid knowledge? This is a question of sociology - and at the moment that answer is "science does, kinda". But science and academic systems are supported by capitalist structures and tainted by capitalistic incentives — needing to be published in a journal, issues of replicability, the barrier to entry into academia in the first place, etc, etc. In the future we may find our current way of organising knowledge to be archaic and primitive in the same way we look back at medieval scholars.

But what about organising self-knowledge? Knowledge where the only one who can really decide what is true is yourself. And the only one that can decide what yourself even IS is yourself. I feel like I have looked back on my old ways of conceptualising myself many times (not even counting the gender-based revelations) and thought it primitive and archaic, and NOW I truly understand who I am and how to think of myself and how my thoughts interact with my other thoughts. But I have no doubt that I’ll look back on this current self of mine and reject their way of thinking too.

After their heart is replaced by the Black Rose, the duellists themselves frame this change as a moment of self realisation, of clarity. Once the rose is inside them, they wake up from themselves, like I have countless times. Kanae says herself, “This is the true me.” Honestly, I don’t doubt it. I think that version of Kanae was her true self at that moment, given the things influencing her. Being brainwashed doesn’t make you less of a person, or less yourself. It just makes you organise your reality differently.

心を凍結させて作っただけの間に合わせのデュエリストでは、彼女は破れないな。

We won't be able to defeat her by simply freezing someone's heart and forcing them to duel.

Anya and I discussed this in depth. I originally translated 心 as “mind”, because that was the first thing that popped into my head and I thought that was the simple part of the translation. However, Anya pointed out that it didn’t make sense with the themes of self and subjective reality, and I strongly agreed, so I changed it to “heart” instead.

Anya suggested “conscious mind” instead of “heart” but I think heart is more accurate. 心 (kokoro) can mean heart or mind in Japanese (I find it interesting that those two things are portrayed as opposites in English), and that kanji is found in the word for biological heart, 心臓 (shinzou). When they say of the Black Rose "This is your new heart" they use 心臓. They also say "Your new 命 (life/lifeforce)" which I translated as soul since it sounded more hardcore and because "your new life" is a set phrase in English meaning a new chapter in your life rather than your life force. I think the idea is that they're freezing the duellists' ability to love and feel empathy, which in my opinion is necessary for them to commit to the unbelievably selfish act of revolutionising/reconstructing/bending the entire structure of the world for their own convenience.

A very special thanks to @dontbe-lasanya for being there to talk through all these themes and ideas. I'm incredibly proud of this episode's translation and I wouldn't have been able to do it without them.

If you want to see more analysis like this, let me know! And also follow this blog to see episodes of the fansub as they're released. You can find all episodes released so far here:

Rose divider taken from this post

[summerpearlpen]

Polin Fic Recs - One Bed

The one bed trope: it's a classic for a reason. These fics quickly ramp up the Polin sexual tension and intimacy with skimpy clothing and shared sleeping quarters, and I'm here for it.

1. one by applepuffsilver

Explicit. Regency. Complete. 16,016 words. Penelope finds herself trapped with Colin at an inn during a snowstorm on the way to Aubrey Hall. One bed. Aware Colin Bridgerton. Post-S3 first kiss.

2. The Storm by Lilyofthevolume

Explicit. Regency. Complete. 37,400 words. Penelope finds herself trapped with Colin at an inn during a snowstorm on the way to Aubrey Hall. One bed. Oblivious Colin Bridgerton. Post S2 Penelope/Eloise fight. (The Courtship is the sequel to this fic, where there are separate beds sadly).

3. A Gentleman’s Guide to Planning the Perfect Romantic Getaway by KatofKanals

Explicit. Modern setting. Complete. 103,698 words. Colin Bridgerton is a popular travel influencer who has been having brief situationship all over the planet. GQ magazine send him on an all expenses trip to the Caribean to write a story about planning the perfect romantic getaway. Penelope joins the trip as his friend. A mix up in the booking means there is one bed.

4. Making It Up As We Go Along by LazyTuesdayMorning

Mature. Regency. Complete. 49,307 words. Due to a string of bad luck, Penelope finds herself trapped with Colin at an inn on the way to Aubrey Hall for several days. One bed. Oblivious Colin Bridgerton. Aware Eloise Bridgerton. (The Temptation of one Penelope Featherington also by LazyTuesdayMorning explores an alternative scenario with a change in one major plot point. This story is equally as tempting).

5. Bedding Mister Bridgerton by Stillpink

Explicit. Regency. Complete. 78,749 words. Post-S2. Penelope and Eloise make amends. One night at Aubrey Hall, Pen is locked out of her assigned bedroom. Colin finds Pen in the hall and offers for her to sleep in his bedroom. One bed and many more tropes - see the AO3 tags.

[jaydude1992]

The argument that Yoda and Obi-Wan were trying to manipulate Luke into unknowingly committing patricide is horseshit.

Basically, what the title says. I've seen a number of people claim that, since neither Obi-Wan nor Yoda told Luke about Vader being his father, their goal was to have him restore peace to the galaxy by having him unknowingly kill his father. And yeah, I disagree with that.

The whole "Risk of Luke falling to the dark side" plot thread

This one's the most obvious reason. A key point of Return of the Jedi's narrative is that if Luke kills out of anger - as he nearly did when Palpatine goaded him about his Rebel Alliance friends being in danger, and again when Vader threatened Leia - he risks falling to the dark side. That's what Palpatine's trying to get him to do onboard the Death Star MkII. I don't know why exactly he's trying to do that; maybe he thinks he can turn Luke into a replacement apprentice, maybe he wants Luke to replace him as Emperor/top dog of the Sith. In any case, he wants Luke to turn to the dark side, and this is presented as a Bad Thing.

Ask yourself the following; from a logical standpoint, in what scenario is Luke more likely to kill Vader out of anger? When he believes he's avenging his murdered father? Or when he knows that Vader is his father, but has to be stopped for the sake of the galaxy?

As far as I recall, there's nothing that indicates Obi-Wan and Yoda were planning to keep Vader's true identity a secret indefinitely

So obviously, Obi-Wan claimed early on that Anakin was killed by Vader, and it later turned out he wasn't 100% literal, i.e. leaving out that Anakin's "death at Vader's hand" was really just him falling to the dark side and taking on the the identity/persona of Vader. And for whatever reason, Yoda didn't bother to correct him during Luke's first stay on Dagobah.

Thing is, one's father being the head enforcer of a tyrannical, galaxy-spanning evil empire is a pretty massive pill to swallow. Just look at how distraught Luke was when Vader broke the news to him on Cloud City. And that's one scenario; the alternative is that Luke just doesn't buy it, if he doesn't feel he can trust the person telling him.

(There's also the fact that Vader being Anakin wasn't the plan back when New Hope was being made, but that's neither here nor there).

When Yoda's on his deathbed in Return of the Jedi, Luke discovering Vader to be his father during the Cloud City mess isn't among his regrets. The only regret he voices is that the revelation came to Luke before he was ready to hear it, i.e. able to more or less handle it. Based on what I know of the original trilogy, I see no reason to believe that Yoda and Obi-Wan wouldn't have revealed the truth about Vader to Luke once they judged him able to handle it.