#please read no home if you havent!! i say this every day i know but it's really .so good

[soo-won]

Rereading the beginning of the Eunyung's Home arc right now and yeah...when Eunyung's mom tells him "why don't you just apologize? Why do you bring up the school play event again after so many years?" it really connects with what Eunyung says to Haejoon in ch201, huh. That it would be so nice if he was nice like Haejoon and could accept everything and not be so hung up on things like that. Maybe if he was like Haejoon his relationship with his mother could be better?(I don't think so. but Eunyung maybe does).

But in parallel we also see how this aspect of Eunyung, being hung up on things and staying angry can also be helpful. It's because Eunyung is like that that he doesn't let Haejoon apologize to his mom when he shouldn't have to. It's because he is like that that he makes Haejoon have a medical diagnosis after his homeroom teacher hit him. It's because he is like that the bullying situation in the Marie arc could be resolved as well. As Haejoon says, it's also thanks to Eunyung that he could sort out things with his uncle and receive more allowance. This side of Eunyung that every adults around him try to make him suppress is good and healthy. It's this anger that causes change. It makes things harder for him and it causes more ruckus, sure, but Haejoon's acceptance in these moments is hurtful as well, it doesn't resolve the issue at hand, it just makes him carry all the burden. Haejoon grew up wanting to cause the less problems and worries possible to his mom (and now his uncle) and avoids confrontations with adults as a result (also a direct consequence of when he lost his mother probably), while Eunyung grew up fantasizing about his parents receiving punishments for all their abuse. The consequences were so bad to him when he tried it's the one thing he gave up on though, so it's no surprise he lashes out whenever else he can.

When you think about it it's also connected to their level of trust in adults. Haejoon relatively trusts adults. If you take the New Dorm arc, Haejoon was planning to tell other adults about the situation there, before Eunyung told him not to (pretty violently lol) because he can't trust adults to deal with it or believe them. So Eunyung uses his own way to deal with it and it works! But Haejoon trusts adults to deal with other adults and yeah. That's how it should be and go. But Eunyung presents the "but" of this. That's how it should be, but in some cases it doesn't work because adults are douchebags, and for Eunyung it's the majority of them. Haejoon grew up with a good(even if not perfect) mom getting angry for him so he knows good adults exist. He also was moved by Juwan's mom's kindness as well(even if that makes him embarassed too). Eunyung doesn't, though, so he has to rely on himself and get angry for himself, because otherwise who will?

Writing all this I'm like....yeah No Home is all about balance. Haejoon and Eunyung searching for the right amount of distance and closeness in their relationship. Searching for the balance in their distrust of adults too. Eunyung can't trust adults for very understandable reasons, but the arc with Haejoon's uncle shows us that adults are simply struggling sometimes and trying their best, even if they're clumsy. It's true Haejoon's uncle was drinking, but he's not an irredeemable piece of shit like his father either. But it was a situation where Haejoon couldn't rely on any adults either, after all his uncle is basically his only family left. And that's why Eunyung's point of view was so helpful.

Idk man I just love the hundreds of layers in this manhwa so much. Like it's not just "the best is not to be extreme <3 not too much not too little" it's "sometimes you have no choice but to be too much. Sometimes it's destructive, though. But sometimes it's the only solution. And /sometimes/ you need a bit of the two. Sometimes both solutions work equally well. Sometimes the consequences are bad and sometimes everything ends well" like yeah life really be complicated and unpredictable like that. There isn't one guide to follow and that will work no matter what, you constantly have to adapt to the situations and people around you. Something something Eunyung and his father but if I don't end this post now I never will.

[missfertileandferal]

lowkey super anxious to post this but im missing you guys so much <3

i plan on a solid return soon! i just wanted to get off my chest whats been going on:

Earlier this year, I dealt with an awful situation of my kinky stuff leaking into real life. My insane coworkers found my content and as I was serving on the clock, proceeded to show my customers and all the staff. then i was fired. Im traumatized to say the least but I over came it.

Come mid summer, I planned so step back for a little bit to move apartments no more than a couple weeks. What happened was both my job (i worked with close family friends so stressful) and a really bad situation with a companion found about my kink stuff. i never expected or was prepared for the humiliation, deception, and pain that would come from my fetish journey

My last job was such a loss. I had been blessed with a cute job as a medical office assistant without any credentials (i wasnt doing anything out of my capabilities of course) it was so peaceful and perfect compared to the drama of my last gig plus working with familiar people felt just like home honestly. Then I got covid. I was out for 2 weeks, at the same time i was moving into my new place. I tried calling them back to let them know I was cleared and ready to get back to work. I received a humiliating text. I was dismissed. That turned into a crippling anxiety of them confessing to my family what I do in my past time

The following week I was met with more disappointment. Ive said this before but I dont have many people in my corner. It used to suck to admit but I stand with pride now knowing those who are around me love me 100% regardless what I do or dont do.

One of my dearest dearest friends, who I had previously communicated what I do (not to a full extent they always respected it) called me very dramatically only a week before I planned to see them (they live across the country and we ALWAYS visit each other when in our cities) It still doesnt feel real tbh, the call only last 40 seconds. I was informed that “I was going on the wrong path” and could no longer be associated with. That’s alls that happened. 8 years down the drain

I was informed by outside sources that my hometown opps had gotten hold of my content (who my ex friend still associate with but I despise bc they’ve always been obsessed with me but in a bad way) and they had confronted him about being my friend. he pussied out and cut me off. they also mass reported my last instagram account😡🤬

I had to take some time back to seriously debate if these loses were worth it. I was swallowed with so much anxiety knowing that an uncomfortable amount of people in my zip code knew what ive been up to. its already complicated being into this and while at the same time not being in a plus size body. thats another conversation tho

That debate has turned into me accepting these events as the universe weeding out people/things that no longer serve me. This has shown peoples true colors, if I am not to be associated with because of my sexual freedom, body acceptance, and undoing of fat phobia then PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.

Im recovering ❤️‍🩹 but my heart and hedonism can’t be helped. i love being a kinky lil gut slut. its helped me grow in so many ways from acceptance to living an esoteric dreamy life. i love all the hot girls and guys that i see on my timeline. they hype me up and vise versa. i love this little corner of the internet. my fellow freaks keep me going. i’ve been so on and off online but every time i come back to the sweetest words and support. thank you guys for your patience and consideration

my anxiety is to the roof as im typing. its crazy that these privacy problems havent been within the actual community. funny. if your still reading this I love you extra. ill be streaming on ig on my comeback day!

new ig acc @missfertileandferal💘

[mochamadeleines]

Sweethearts and Sweet Dreams <3

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.” (6.4k words)

tags!! - 18+ modern au! Husband! Joel Miller, Wife! Reader, you guys are happy and in love!, mutual obsession if u squint, lots of exposition im so freaking sorry, pervert Joel if u squint, praise kink joel if you squint, dumbification if you squint, written for those with daddy issues lowkeeyyyyy, written with game joel in mind but could be hbo joel no problem!, lowk i combined the two in my mind, mentions of shy old man joel, housewife! reader (by choice), unspecified age gap but reader is like. thirty? and joels Like...55??, talk about joel taking medication for his anxiety, p in v sex, dirty talk, public sex, outdoor sex, joel has a kink for dresses because i said so? service top joel if you squint, pet names, a pinch of jealousy and possessiveness for fun, playful banter, mentions of maria and tommy and their baby with a made up name Lol, mentions of ellie and sarah (rip), mentions of readers past abusive relationships, talk about joel struggling with substance abuse/addiction and being hospitalized.....Im sure u can theorize why </3, lots of lore ill get into in another fic MAYBE *smirks*, flip flop in perspective, sometimes showing what joel is thinking or what reader is thinking blah blah

authors notes!! - hi there!!! im mocha and this is my first joel fic ever + my first fic posted to tumblr!! im really nervous cuz i havent written anything in months and ive never written joel before so please let me know if you like it!! id love to write more of this au for u guys if theres a demand for it...Thank u for reading!! also barely proof read im ngl. ive been staring at this fic all day im sick of itttt. p.s i dont usually write smut i also kinda do idfk Is this bad or am i tweaking

You step out of the house, morning sun soaking into the roots of your hair and the driveway beneath your feet. Theres a package youve been waiting for. 

You cant contain your grin as you wiggle it out of the hot prison that is your mailbox.

“What the hell are you doin’ out there barefoot?” Joel chastises you from the front door, leaning his elbow on the frame. Joel, your lovely husband of two years. Been together for five. And because of how hard he works, you have the privilege of being a stay at home wife. Some people think that sort of life is stifling, but youve never felt so free. No more jobs you hate, no more financial struggles. Just you, Joel, and your cat, Cement. He likes to pretend it isnt a totally hilarious name for a pet.

You were his first relationship in almost a decade, so it was a lot of work helping him unpack his anxieties about dating, and a lot of work for you to feel safe and unafraid. Honestly? Youve been mistreated by enough men to land you in the psychward.

But Joel never yells at you, he never breaks things when hes angry or threatens to hurt you. He might raise his voice every now and again, but its never because of something you did. Sometimes the stress of life is just too much. 

He works hard, he loves his daughter- daughters- and he would do anything to keep you happy. Whatever you say goes, he says. Even now, you hardly argue. Of course you have disagreements, or off days thatd lead to one of you being especially moody, but the both of you do your best to communicate.

Behind that rough exterior, is someone who just wants to be needed. 

You first met Joel at a youth center you volunteered at, he taught guitar, you taught arts and crafts. Joel says it was your smile and sense of humor that charmed him. It was his singing and southern accent for you.

Your favorite thing about Joel is how soft he gets around you. He says its because you make it easy to be soft. 

Joel was a shy lover at first. He would get nervous just kissing you, or holding your hand. While most people become intimate very early on in their relationship, you and Joel didnt do anything sexual for the first five months of you dated. Sure, you almost did, plenty of times, but he would get so overwhelmed and cut things short. You broke two of your vibrators during this era of your relationship. Embarassing.

You remember your first time very vividly. Joel had worked back to back doubles trying to meet a deadline, and on the final day, after having barely spoken to you for almost a week, you had shown up to his house, unannounced. You were wringing water out of your jacket when he swung the door open. 

“How-” Joel blinks a few times, stepping forward to examine the rainfall. “How long you been out here?”

“Not that long,” You lie and pick up the container you brought off the porch chair. Part of you had a hard time mustering up the courage to even knock on the door. Droplets of water cascade down your chin. “Hi, sorry. I know youre tired.”

He shakes his head, voice soft and warm. “S’fine. Now c’mon, youre gonna get sick.”

Youre seated at the little dining table next to the kitchen now, trying to let the sound of the rainfall ease your nerves.

Joel was quick to grab you a towel, and does the honors of drying your face and hair with it. “Why didnt you jus’ call me? Woulda gotten out of the shower faster if i knew you were gettin’ soaked out there like this.”

“I dunno, sorry.”

“An’ whatd i tell you about apologizin’ all the time?”

“Sor- Uh. Right. Okay.” You tighten your jaw. No more.

Joel moves behind you, now squeezing water out the ends of your hair. “Whas’ that?”

“Oh!-” You peel back the lid, showing it to him. “Old fashion cake donuts are your favorite right? I remember you saying you liked eating them with your coffee in the mornings so…I made these. Youve been working a lot lately and I wanted to do something nice for you.”

Joel gingerly grasps the container from your hands, looking into it. Theyre a warm golden brown, outside evenly fried, and the sweet scent of them hits his nose right away.

“I was just gonna leave them on the doorstep and call you to tell you they were there, but I wanted to see you.”

His adam's apple bobs as he swallows the dryness in his throat. Youre too good for him. 

“Thank you very much.” He presses a kiss to your damp hair. “Now, lets get you into some dry clothes.”

Joel gives you a t-shirt and a pair of his boxers to keep you modest while your clothes wash and dry. 

You wait patiently on his bed for the hot chocolate he promised you before you showered. Theres nothing to watch on the tv, so you just turn it off and reach for the lamp on his nightstand instead. 

He comes in quietly, and sets the mug down beside the lamp. You finally come into focus, clear as day even under the low lighting.

“You uh.. You look nice.”

You blink. “I look nice?”

“In my shirt.”

That gets a smile out of you. 

Joel tips his head towards the mug. “S’hot so, give it a few minutes. Dont want you burnin’ your mouth.”

You nod. “Okay.”

Hes sat beside you now and the two of you sit in silence for a while. Its not awkward, just the kind of silence where both of you want to say something but just.. Cant.

Joel unravels first. “Missed you, y’know. Just been tired.”

“I know.” Your voice wobbles, and Joels jaw tightens like hearing you sound so sad stings him. “I missed you, too.” 

He slides his hand over yours, giving it a squeeze. Its okay. 

“Hey Joel...Can I stay the night?” 

“Sure. Id really like that.”

While you drink your hot chocolate, you and Joel catch up. You both talk about work, and about your new found interest in baking. Joel teases you about your lack of cooking skills, you do the same. Youre both useless. 

When its time to climb into bed, neither of you can actually fall asleep. Joel rolls onto his side, away from you and the window. You follow, curling up like a little cat against his back. The sensation is nice for the both of you.

You speak up after a little while.

“Joel?”

“Mm.”

“Thank you for letting me stay.”

He scoffs, voice thick with exhaustion. “Like I'd force you to leave after you brought me such a nice present.”

You let out a little giggle, “So if i didnt, youd kick me out?”

“Id think ‘bout it.”

You gasp, gently shoving at his back. “Thats mean…!”

“S’really not.”

“Oh yeah? And what if I poisoned them?.”

“Then itd jus' be a regular day of your cookin’ then.” Joel reminds you, lighthearted. Too many times where you left the shells in your eggs or burnt toast or left the bacon on the pan for too long.

“You cant get mad at me for my dark past when you made a perfectly good sirloin taste like horse leather.”

“Ugh. Dont remind me. That was like putting a one-hundred dollar bill into a paper shredder. How do either of us stay alive again?”

“Uh. Digiorno?”

“Digiorno.”

After a few moments, Joels rolling over again, and hes guiding your head to settle against his chest. Your arms wrap around him, and his arms around you. 

“Joel,” You whisper. He hums. “Im cold.”

“S’cause youre not wearin’ any pants.”

“And whos fault is that?”

“Still yours.”

“I was left out in the rain like a sad, sopping wet cat. One that was left in a box all alone with no family…” You pretend to sniffle. “Dont you feel bad for me?”

Joel sighs, not saying anything more except making sure the part of the comforter behind your back is tucked into your side so the cold air doesnt get in. When hes done, you do a little shimmy up his body, and throw your leg over his hip. Oh no.

Hes alert now. Very alert. Be normal. Joel hesitates, licking the dryness off his lips. “Uh. Feel better?”

“Mhm.” You push your face into his throat, cat-like, before settling down again. Hes like a radiator.

Actually scratch that, he cant be normal. 

“Darlin’.” He rasps, patting your back to get your attention.

“Mm?”

“Your leg. Move it.”

A few beats pass. “Why?”

“Because…” Wow,  he didnt think hed get this far. You shift forward and Joel lets out a quiet exhale through his nose, one that couldve been masked by the rain if you werent so close.

“Are you-”

“No! No. Its- Its not what you think-” He cant see your face in the darkness but he knows you feel the semi-hard struggling through the confines of his pants. Lame.

“Joel,” You say, soft. Your hands slide up his arm to cradle his jaw. Lightning flashes into the room, giving you a glimpse of Joels tight expression. He whispers your name back, just as soft.

“This is normal.” 

Its normal, it is! Except for the fact that you guys havent had sex yet. The stress of being intimate is too much, kills his boner in a blink. The longer he waits the worse the anxiety gets.

“I-I know.”

You place a hand on his chest, feeling it pound away like crazy through all the soft muscle.  

“Youve been taking your medication, right?”

Has he?

The silence of him thinking is proof enough. “Joel-”

He sighs, rubbing his eyes through the darkness .“I know, I know. Shoot, Im sorry. I just forget sometimes.”

“Its okay.” The pad of your thumb strokes the tops of his cheek, and you press a tender kiss to his mouth to soothe him.  “...Want me to remind you?”

The softness of your lips has him a bit dazed. “Huh?”

“I said, do you want me to remind you? I can- You know, call you before you leave work. Make sure you take them.”

“You know I wake up at five-o-clock in the mornin’ , right?”

“I know.” 

In a whisper, “Okay.”

Joels rough palms trail down your back and stop at the curve of your butt, finger tips delicately tracing the skin above your shorts. You shiver.

Barely above a whisper. “We dont have to go all the way.”

He says your name again, laced with worry. He doesnt want you to feel pressured. 

You pull your leg off his hip and push yourself up, settling your hands on either side of Joels head.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Yes-”

“-And you cant get all in your head about it. You stay here, with me. You stay present.”

“Okay, okay.” He nods, a bit defeated. “I will stay present.”

“When you...When you say you dont wanna have sex, what is it that youre thinking exactly? I know you said you just get really nervous but I feel like youre not being totally honest.”

Joel stays quiet, idly rubbing your sides. Maybe you are a cat. Just getting to feel any part of you is soothing. “I jus’ want you to feel good. ‘Fraid ill do somethin’ you dont like.”

“You cant assume how I feel, Joel. Being intimate.. It takes time to learn what the other person likes.”

He sighs. “I know.” Youre always right.

Adding on, “Like I said, we dont have to go all the way,” You lean further back, situating yourself on his hips. He lets out a shaky breath when he feels the pressure of your ass through his sweats.

“But, I want to start somewhere. I want to feel you.” 

“Fuck- Um-” Hes shaking now, letting you grind your hips down onto him. Joel cant seem to control the way his hips instinctively push up to meet yours. Youre both becoming of a mess of little gasps and hot breaths and tiny whimpers already.

You hunch forward, guiding his hand under your your shirt- His shirt- letting him feel up the supple skin of your stomach, then the area where your ribs are, then your-

“And I want you to feel me,”

Surprisingly, you did actually go all the way that night.

Your sex life was a bit of a rocky start, but after Joel got over most of his anxiety, you learned quickly just how goddamn insatiable he was. Five years in and he still regularly makes you sore. 

There are a couple things you learned about him and his sexual interests. He loves to take you in his truck, in your kitchen, in your bathroom, on your couch. Other, riskier places. Anywhere that isnt your bed apparently, not that he isnt fucking you there either.

Joel is handsy, so handsy infact it embarasses you to no end, especially when youre infront of others. Thats usually how it starts, too. First he kisses you, then gropes your hips and your ass, and the next thing you know, youre cumming on his fingers. Then hed bend you over, or get you on your back, or make you ride him. Is it really riding if hes just slamming up into you until your brain turns into mush?

He likes that too. Making you not think.

Youd be lying if you said its only ever him. Sleepy morning handjobs before work, whining to him over the phone and touching yourself to his voice, arching your back into him while you're washing dishes, sucking him off after hours in his office.

And while most men prefer lingerie or little costumes, Joel likes dresses. Dresses that are discreet so he can take you in the backyard when he comes home early and sees you gardening. Or when youre both at a friends house and hes had a little too much to drink and finds himself alone with you. Dresses that make it easy to play his favorite game with you. I touch you, and you make sure we dont get caught by being too loud. Joel really is the worst sometimes.

Now, you only ever wear pants when its cold, or to bed or sometimes when youre lounging, like today. Youre in some shorts and a tank top. Otherwise, its dresses all year round, usually retro styles or ones meant for spring. Joels not picky though, he loves any dress on you.

Even if you wear an extremely modest, white lacey sleep dress, looking like some kind of vintage ghost, the man would still keep you up all night. And he has. He said you looked like a princess. You guess you kind of did.

The entire thing is like an unspoken arrangement between you both. He doesnt tell you to wear them, you just do.

And he works hard to spoil you, so why not buy as many cute dresses as possible? 

You got a cute dress today too, on the same day Joel has off. You think its going to be a new favorite of his.

The big polymailer stays hidden behind your back. Be casual. “Uh- Nothing!”

“Nothin’?”

“Mhm.”

“Whats behind your back then?”

You sway in place, trying to suppress a knowing smile. “I dont have anything behind my back.”

“Lemme see then. Show me your hands-”

“Hey, Mrs. Miller!”

Both you and Joel turn your heads to the voice, and only one of you has the energy to fake a a smile. Your neighbor is stopping in his driveway, having come back from a jog it looks.

“Hi, Lee.” 

Joel really, really, really doesnt like Lee. You dont like him either, but youre not one to cause problems. Lee on the other hand, is. Hes a bit younger than you, and a lot younger than Joel. Hes one of those tech dudes with a massive ego, thinks that youll be swayed by his money and his “charm” and youth as if youre some sad housewife in need of saving. Gross. 

And another thing, Lee doesnt even actually live here! Hes here ever so often to visit his dad between, you dont know, tech expos? You forget. Joel believes he started showing up more often to see you. 

Youre walking towards the porch again. Joels looking especially unhappy to see him today, knuckles pulled taut into a fist. His lips stay pressed into a thin line, careful not to let anything slip out. He usually lets you do most of the talking, as much as it pains him. 

Joels really not a fan of the way Lees eyes take a trip up your bare legs. Little shit.

“Out with no shoes again, Mrs. Miller?”

“You know me, Im uh- Im weird.”

“The weird ones do it best.” He smiles, all teeth. It gives you the creeps. His attention is on Joel now. Its like watching a puppy try to one up a wolf. “Right, Joel?”

“Uh huh.” Whatever that means.

“Actually, I've been meaning to ask you something, Mrs. Miller.” Lee crosses into your driveway and you glance briefly at Joel, as if to make sure he isnt going to start growling at the other to stay away. Youre clutching the package to your chest now. 

“Have you ever been to a support group for uh- you know, the spouses of addicts?  I have a friend from work and shes really struggling.” 

Lees tone is sugary sweet, but the fake kind you put in diet soda except that stuff is way better. Joel sighs from the door. You stand there, dumbfounded on the porch steps because what the fuck is he going on about. 

You clear your throat, keeping your voice firm. “No. Ive never needed to.”  

Joels voice cuts in like a knife. “Been clean for almost twenty years now.”

“Yeah but, you know,” He shrugs, squinting a bit under the morning sun. “Relapses happen.”

Joel and Lee are at a stand still, and the moment Joel lets the arm leaning on the frame drop to his side, you know youre in for a lot of trouble. You move quickly towards the door. “We have to get ready for a- uh- a thing? but Im sorry about your friend.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Miller. Im doing my best to support her.” And before he turns away, he just has to be slimy to you. “If you need someone to talk to, Im here for you.”

“No, that really wont be necess-”

Joels slinging a strong arm around you to yank you back inside before shutting the door. 

“Motherfucker,” He hisses to himself, stomping through the walkway and into the kitchen.

“How-” You rub your eyes, letting them adjust to the light inside of the house. You put the package down onto the bar counter that opens up the kitchen and follow Joel to the fridge. “How does he know?? I thought-”

“Been living in this house for decades now,” His expression is tight, brows knitted together while he chugs a bottle of water. “People talk. ‘Specially if I'm being rolled into an ambulance on more than one occasion.” Joel frowns. “Fuck- I shoulda punched him in the fuckin’ face- Do you see how hard he tries so hard to flirt with you infront’a me?”

“I know, love. I was there.” You take the bottle from his hand and set it to the side, then wrap your arms around him. “Try not to let it get to you okay?”

Joel sighs into your hair, giving your body a squeeze. “I know, I know, but jus’ hearin’ him tryin’ta use my baggage to make a pass at you…S’fuckin’ evil.”

“I agree, but I dont want his blood on the driveway.”

“So get it on his driveway instead, got it.”

You giggle and tip your head up to kiss him. The tension eases from Joels shoulders, and he cups your cheeks, letting his worries melt away into your mouth. When the pads of his fingers start to slide under your tank top, youre leaning back. Youll be here for a while if this goes any further.

Joel mindlessly chases your lips, looking a bit pouty now that its over.

“Im gonna start getting ready for the barbecue, okay?”

“This early?”

“I like being punctual.” 

“My brother wont give a damn if were late.” He noses your jaw, pressing a kiss here and there. Your knees are beginning to feel weak. The bastard is trying to distract you.

“But I do. The farmers market opened today, and I promised Maria I'd get her fresh strawberries before we got there, remember?”

“Alright, alright.” He grumbles into your shoulder.

Joel lets you go, watching you round the bar counter to get your package and disappear upstairs.

-

Ever since you came down to a freshly showered Joel, and got into the car with the gift bags you prepared for Maria and Tommy, Hes been staring at you. One wrong move and the drools gonna start pouring out of his mouth.

Your hair is in its relatively natural state, freshly washed and shiny from the oil you put in it. You put on some light makeup, and went a bit heavy handed on the blush to look sunkissed, and topped it off with a flavored lip gloss Joel especially enjoys. 

Now, the dress. Its a pink floral mid-length dress, with a low cut sweetheart neckline and a corset style backing to cinch your waist and push out your chest. The material is thick and pretty, and there are two other layers under the skirt to keep its shape. You have on a pair of little pink pumps with little bows to match. 

The drive to the farmers market is fairly peaceful, the windows are half down and theres music playing at low volume on the radio. You and Joel have different tastes in music, but one genre you can always agree on is alternative rock. 

The weathers beautiful, sun high in the sky, and its not too hot or humid. The day really is perfect. Youre gonna soak up some sun when youre at the barbecue. Hopefully, they made lemonade again too.

Joel has been mostly quiet throughout your shopping. While it would worry some, youve been with him long enough to know that he just has a lot on his mind. What hes thinking about? Maybe youll learn when you make it back home at the end of the day.

You gasp, strolling through the grass to a stand with a mountain of apples. Granny smith, Macintosh, Pink Ladys, Honeycrisp, the works. He grunts, trying to keep the things that are already in your basket steady. You came for strawberries and are going to leave with much more than that.

Joel nudges you softly. “Remember, this is quality stuff, meaning itll go bad faster. Dont get too much.”

“Okay, got it.” You beam, and then begin inspecting the Pink Lady apples first, trying to find the ones with the best color.  He keeps the basket within reach so you can drop your picks in.

"These were Sarahs favorites."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, it was funny 'cause we started arguin' over these or Red Delicious. I think Red Delicious is better."

"Thats so cute! Hmm. Should we get one for her? A Pink Lady?"

"Uh," He thinks on it for a moment, unsure, but the smile on your face helps him make a decision. "Sure, why not."

You drop two perfect Pink Ladys into the basket, moving onto the next pile.

“Hey, Joel.” You grin, holding out a wrinkled granny smith apple. “This one looks like you”

“Ha ha.” He deadpans, and grabs it from you to put back. In turn, hes reaching for the runt of the pile. A pathetically small one sitting near the bottom. “Now this one looks like you.”

“Does not!”

“Does too.” 

The next stand has golden kiwis, and youre practically dragging Joel forward to try them. You ask for one, and the man at the stand slices it into halves, giving you a plastic spoon to go with. 

You let Joel smell it first. “S’good.”

“Lets see if it tastes good.”

You sink your spoon into it, humming when you see how soft and easy it is to scoop out. In your mouth it goes!

Its tastes sweet, a bit mango-y and fucking delicious. You bounce in place, spoon feeding Joel next. “Oh yeah,” He smiles, smacking his lips a bit to really let the taste settle on his tongue. “Were takin’ some of these.”

You take one, then two, then three and four then five and as you reach for the sixth one, Joels stopping you with a gentle hand. 

“Darlin’.” 

“Right.” 

For the next few stands its just you and Joel trying various kinds of fruit. Starfruit, blueberries, some mangos, and then youre going back to the truck.

“I think my favorites were the mangos and golden kiwis. I hope Maria and Tommy have enough space in their fridge for all of this.”

“They moved into a bigger house, I reckon their fridge s’probably bigger, too.”

“What time is it?” 

You let go of Joels arm so he can switch the basket from one hand to the other. 

“‘Bout…” Hes squinting at his watch. “12:34 in the afternoon.”

“Oh! Guess we got the shopping done sooner than I expected. Hmm. Should we stop somewhere in the mean time?-" You snap your finger when you remember something. "They opened up this cafe that has cats in it! We can drink coffee and play with them for bit! The next fourty-five minutes will go by super fast."

“Youre gonna make Cement jealous.”

You bat your hand dismissively. “Hes not gonna caaare.” 

“Oh yes he will. And remind me again why we named our cat Cement?

“Uh, we were both drunk and had gotten him the day before without a name picked out?”

“A whole year later and we still kept it. Worst pet owners ever.” Joel chuckles, opening the passenger door for you like he always does. 

“Thank you.”

“Mhm.”

The giant basket of fruit goes into the back seat next to the gift bags before Joel slots himself into the drivers seat. 

You fumble with the radio a bit, trying to see what else is on but ultimately landing back on your preferred station. Theyve been playing a lot of Linkin Park recently. Hell yeah. Joel buckles himself in at last, and pulls out of the parking lot. 

“Marias gonna teach me how to make baked chicken,” You hum, gazing outside the window.

“You sure youre not jus’ unteachable?”

“Ha ha,” You lightly shove his shoulder, making him smile. “I thought you loved the meat sauce pasta I learned how to make.”

He settles into his seat more comfortably at the stop light, elbow rested on the window. “Got me with that one. Think I like ground turkey over beef, though.”

“Yeah? Me too. The beef tastes better but the turkey is lighter. Stops me from feeling all sick.”

“Agreed.”

Youre looking out the windshield now. Where did all the buildings go? Youre out of the city. 

“Uh, Joel?”

“Mm?”

“Where are we going?”

“Somewhere to kill time.”

“Yeah but where?”

“Youll see.” 

Your brows pinch together. “I see a whole lot of nothing except for trees."

“Almost there.”

Joel makes a hasty left turn onto some campgrounds. Your stomach starts to twist into excited knots. Is he gonna show you a baby deer or something? Bunnies? He used to be a park ranger for this area, and would tell you stories about all sorts of baby animals hed run into.

The car comes to a stop, and he turns the engine off. Silence.

“So…Were out in the woods to kill time?”

“Mhm.” Joel unbuckles his seat belt and twists into the back to grab the spare jacket he usually keeps there, then gets out of the truck and comes around the back to open the door for you. 

He holds your hand to help you get down from the passenger side, and as soon as both of your shoes hit the ground Joel is on you. 

You dont know where your hands should go, youve kissed Joel a thousand times and yet you still get so flustered when he catches you by surprise. You keep your hands on his shoulders for now, letting him press wet kisses to your neck and shoulder.

“This is new right? The dress?” He gives your ass an appreciative squeeze through the fabric. “Thought you looked so pretty when you came down stairs in it.” 

Your heads spinning. Something about your dress? 

“Woulda been okay if you let me have you earlier.” He pulls away, examining your flushed face cradled by his hand. Every part of you just fits so well in his palms. “Then I thought, why not have you now? We got time to spare.”

“Joel- We- Someone could see us-” You sputter, and Joels already shaking his head with a knowing smirk. He pulls you around to the bed of the truck, popping it open, only pausing to spread open the jacket he grabbed, just having just thrown it in there when he came around to get you.

“No ones gonna come lookin’ for us.” He turns you around, pushing you down onto your front. “As long as youre quiet.” 

Fuck. You really hate this game. At least, you like to tell yourself that.

Blood rushes to your ears while Joels rough palms lift up the skirt of your dress, exposing your ass and thighs to the cool air. He whistles from behind you. 

“Red lace panties?” His fingers dont shy away from tracing along the fabric covering your cunt. “This new too?”

You crane your neck over your shoulder to look at his face. “Uh.. Surprise?”

Joels smiling now, fingers dipping under the lace. “Thas' awfully sweet of you.”

His touch slips and slides around your growing wetness, then trails down to your clit. Your voice wobbles a bit and fuck- fuck hes going too fast. “Joel- Ah-” You whimper and try to push yourself up to look at him but his hand is steady on your spine, keeping you down. 

Smug, “Go on, sweetheart. Keep sayin’ my name. Jus’ like that.”

A whine escapes you when he pulls away, “Nooo.” You push your ass back, as if to entice him. You succeed, because hes skipped his usual routine of fucking you with his hands and is now unbuckling his belt.

Joel rolls you onto your back, and peels your underwear all the way off, bunching it up and shoving it into his back pocket. Your face burns just watching him.

“Think i'll hold onto these for a lil’ while.”

His hands push the back of your knees towards your chest, exposing your heat. Youll never get used to the way he just seems so interested just watching your cunt squeeze around nothing. 

“Thats-” You swallow, pushing yourself up onto your elbows. "Joel.”

“Relax." He coos, "Seen it a thousand times already, and ill be seein' it a thousand more. Get used to it, honey.”

Your attention flickers down to where his dick is about to meet your entrance. Joels nudging you down onto your back again and pulling the top of your dress down to expose your chest. Its when youre distracted that he actually moves to push himself in.

Both of you groan together, and Joel could never get bored of fucking you, not when your cunt just pulses around him everytime hes inside you.

Joel wastes no time fucking you once he eases all the way inside. Youre trying your best to keep quiet. Shit is no easy task. Its like Joel is trying to get you guys arrested.

He props himself up with a hand near your head, and lets the other keep one of your legs pinned open. The moans start to claw out of your throat. “Joel- Joel-” 

“Shh. Thas’ enough.” He growls through his teeth, fucking you harder. “Youre gonna- Gh- Get us caught-”

Something rustles between the trees, making you both freeze. You clasp your hands over your mouth, watching Joel straighten up to look around.

After a few seconds of squinting, Joel can see a few foxes moving about through the trees. Thank fuck. His shoulders visibly relax.

Hushed, “E-Everything okay?”

“Yeah, jus’ some animals.” 

And like that, hes back to it. His dick is going to make your eyes permanently stay rolled into your head. 

Joel is always just so handsome when hes pounding into you. His forehead gets shiny with sweat, and his jaw is tight from clenching his teeth, keeping himself quiet so he can focus on your moans. His face is noticeably redder against his usual farmers tan too. Really, hes just so attractive.

A flurry of yes and harder and fuck spills out of your mouth and into your palms. Not too loud, you try to remind yourself.

“Joel- S’too much-”

“Nah, thas’ not it.” He huffs, humorous. “You can take it. Y'always do. In fact, you love gettin’ your cunt bullied by me, aint that right?” As if to get his point across, he thrust in all the way to the hilt, making you keen. You forgot how to breathe, lungs drawing tight in your chest.

"Fuck," You manage to squeeze out.

Your palms push weakly at his shoulders, trying to ground yourself somehow. His head drops to the junction of your neck and shoulder, inhaling deeply.

“You good?” He checks in, breath hot on your skin. As if your crying isnt enough.

“So g-good, Joel- Fuck- Youre so good.” 

With a little nod, Joels pushing himself up, switching to slow and deep strokes, really digging himself into you, and trying to find that spot he likes to call home.

He massages your chest, then squeezes your sides and your hips and finally, his thumb finds your clit. Immediately, you jolt. 

“Oh fuck-” 

“Quiet.” And he says it to keep the charade going, even though his favorite thing is hearing your sobs.

His thumb rubbing incessantly against your that sweet little nub of yours. You choke, and Joels chuckling, watching the way you squirm, body not knowing whether it should lean into his touch because its too good or away because its too much.

It starts with this firey feeling under the pad of his thumb, then deep inside your stuffed cunt. Youre going to cum. 

Your hands fly to your mouth again, and you get all wide eyed from the sensation. Its cute. Your muscles pull taut, legs locking around Joels hips. Youre wailing into your palm when it happens.

“Good girl,” His voice soothes you through it. “Very good.”

He pets away the fly aways sticking to your sweaty face when its over. Your eyes drop shut while you catch your breath. 

Joels moving again now. He rolls his hips a few times, and thumb is building the foundation of another orgasm in you. Youre shaking badly.

Your words slur too, “Cant- Too soon- Joel- Joel-”

“Another one.” Joel says firmly, but breathless. 

Youre gasping, not sure where to focus your eyes. The trees around you look like theyre spinning. Your attention is back on Joel, whos looking rather satisfied watching you squirm and cry. If thats how wants to play, then fine.

Your hands slide up Joels biceps, and rests on the nap of his neck to bring him down. “Juh-Joel,” You pant, cradling his face with both hands. “Youre so good- The best-”

Oh, Joel likes that one, you can tell by the way he looks away briefly. Shyness. Excitement runs up your spine. Joel loves being told hes doing well. 

“You are- Nghh-” You swallow the drool in your mouth, trying to get the words out clearly. “The best husband I could ever ask for.”

Joel wheezes, head dropping into the curve of your shoulder. “Please.”

“S’true,” You nod rapidly, fingers curling into his hair. “Youre so good to me and-and youre mine and- Joel-  Im yours.”

“Jesus-” He groans, soaking up the feeling of you pressing kisses to his face and up his jaw. 

“Hhah-  No one else can have me, okay? No one- Not even-”

The name doesnt even come out of your mouth before Joels coming to a stop to slip his arms all the way around your middle. With the new leverage he has on your body, hes drilling his way into you. You fucking squeal, rules now long forgotten. Youre a useless ragdoll in his arms and he wouldnt have it any other way.

Your lips are shiny with spit and left over lip gloss, and he can still taste the mintiness in his tongue. Every now and again your eyes drop shut, but his dick just punches into your guts a little harder. Look at me. 

Your brain is mush, just the way he likes it, and youre perfectly pliant in his arms, babbling over how good you feel. Hes kisses along the valley of your breasts now, stopping to suck the flesh of your nipples.

Youre just so pretty. Even when you have bedhead, or youre snotty from a cold, or youre all dirty from working in the garden  youre still so pretty. Including now, all sweaty with you lipgloss all smudged and your mascara starting to run. Youre perfect. 

Joel grunts loud, jaw clenched tight as he gets lost in the feeling of your insides. His perfect little wife.

When he cums, hes doubling over with a loud grunt, getting a few last thrusts in before his spent floods your cunt.

Youre blinking away your tears, now watching the clouds inch along the sky. It really is a beautiful day. You pet Joels sweaty hair, and kiss the side of his temple. Your core throbs faintly. Jesus, he did a number on you.

“Love,” You say softly, patting his back.

“Mm?”

“Get up.” Another pat. “Youre squishing me.” 

Joel backs off to buckle himself up, but you stay seated to catch your breath and adjust your dress. At least it didnt get ripped during all the… Commotion. Not like last time.

“I need my underwear back.”

“Nope,”

“Joel.”

He kisses the center of your forehead and helps you down from the bed and into the passenger seat instead.  “Told you i'm keepin’ ‘em.”

You sputter, “I cant go to barbecue commando!”

“Sure you can.” He pops open the glove compartment and gets out some tissues, hand snaking under your dress again to clean you. You sigh softly at the sensation.

“Youre the worst.”

“I am indeed the worst.” Joel pulls the seatbelt over your chest and clicks it in. “You can tell me all about it on the way to Tommys.” 

[raggedytiger]

ragatha/agatha and pomni/penny human hcs!

(r)agatha:

is an english teacher!

yes she still loves horses. she used to ride them, & she loves old western movies.

owns cowboy hat and boots.

analytical and loves long & winding conversations.

has a very happy cat named sandwich.

patches her own clothes, doesn't have kids but if she did she would embroider their names into their belongings.

she still plays cello, she loves music in general, probably sings like an angel.

can't do any mathematics.

can drive, but like a lunatic. somehow has never had an accident though, so it's fine.

probably has a cute little baby blue/yellow car now, but definitely had a beat up offroader truck at some point that got put to good use. or maybe she still does, i'm not the boss.

total lesbian, a bit of a heartbreaker but not intentionally (women just keep falling for her)

goes to town/neighbourhood/community meetings. likely is/was in a knitting circle

absurd number of quilts in her home

pomni/penny:

is an accountant as we know, and cannot cook for shit as we know.

no pets she can barely take herself for walks. is more similar to a cat, but had a dog growing up. would love a collie or a dalmatian probably.

would name the dog something stupid like Thermometer Johnson.

she can drive, but nervously.

really quick thinker, like impressively, unless she's under HUGE amounts of stress. is literally always thinking at 100mph.

no sense of interior decor or personal style. all practical, kind of butch. really does kill a suit.

very much lesbian but not fully to terms with it. probably had short-lived relationships with men in which she was 'content' but didn't really care for it. seeing agatha as agatha for the first time was probably a crazy punch to her little gay heart. not to mention the cowboy gear.

autistic

watches 90s anime to wind down

listens to every single genre of music. passes a lot of time with headphones in, slowly making her way thru the entire world's discography

owns no band merch or anything though she just listens

can't sleep without a fan on, thunderstorm 12hr audio, blackout curtains, weighted blanket, water nearby

does not sleep a lot

both of them (going to call them pomni and ragatha for convenience):

didn't immediately recognise one another. i havent got an exact idea of how they reunited after getting out, but there were tears.

bonded in a very rare and unique way - they got to revel in the newfound joys of real life again. they got to eat delicious food, go on long, unobstructed walks in the real sun, be warmed by it, chew on ice cubes and shiver at the pain, listen to each other's heartbeats, listen to real music, read real books, smell soaps and flowers and sauces. they went to the supermarket together and read all the labels, and bought one of each type of fruit to try between them, and smelled all the candles, and touched all the blankets. spent a lot of time holding hands and kissing and i'm sorry to say, probably having sex, because holy shit, i'm real, you're real, we're real

now live together in ragatha's apartment, after pomni moved out of her small and confusingly-furnished flat.

both of them feel inadequate from time to time. this is resolved by a stern-but-loving talking-to.

sandwich likes pomni very much. pomni doesn't really get cats, but loves sandwich a great deal, and enjoys letting her sleep on her lap.

ragatha is very pleased to see her girls getting along.

ragatha cooks, pomni chops the veg. she often doesn't fuck it up

pomni cleans a lot as a 'thank you for letting me live here, i love you'. she's very much acts of service, ragatha is words & physical touch <3

they watch a lot of movies together. depending on how long they've been stuck, they might have culture to catch up on

ragatha wants to have a house with a garden one day. pomni starts germinating seeds from their fruit & veg like a weird science experiment. ragatha is delighted when she is presented with a baby tomato plant.

clothes are shared. ragatha's are bigger, but most of pomni's are ill-fitting anyway so it can go both ways. ragatha likes to dress pomni up in different outfits and have her do a little fashion show. pomni pretends not to savour the confidence boost.

pomni starts sleeping more

[atinyniki]

happy new year!

group: stray kids !

pairing: idol!bangchan x f!reader

genre: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff

warnings + additional info: reader is referred to as y/n, established relationships, fighting, reader flinches bc of chan, reader is neglected, chan says rlly mean things, reader is pretty mean too, takes place on new years/new years eve, mentions of physical abuse, kissing, crying, kiss and make up (literally), chan is kinda mean to his manager (that he hates), petname, mentions of cheating, cheating accusations.

authors note: two posts in one day hell yeah ! this is also not proofread. english is not my first language, so please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. happy reading :)

wc: 1524

“seriously?!”

he can only bring himself to nod, evidently a little upset at your yelling.

you both go quiet for a moment, until you break it.

“chan.”

he looks up at you again, playing with his fingers in his lap. “hm?”

“are you cheating?”

“what?”

“are you cheating on me?”

“n-no! how could you even… ask that?”

you roll your eyes at him. “you havent been home in so fucking long, chan. and now you’re leaving again and it… it’s just not fair!”

“it’s my job, y/n.”

“your job shouldn’t require you to be away from me every day! you just got back”, you yell even louder.

he knows you’re frustrated, but he’s starting to get a headache. “y/n—“

“plus, even while you are here, you’re never with me��� you’re always sleeping and you never talk to me.”

and then it just snaps.

“well, what if i’m tired y/n? what if i’m tired of running around all day with shitty schedules? what if i’m tired of having to exert my fucking voice all the time? what if i’m tired of you being so fucking clingy with me? i need rest!”, he yells back.

tears begin to well up in your eyes, and the words lump in your throat. despite that, you still manage to say something.

“am i really that clingy just for wanting the attention that i deserve? i’m your girlfriend for gods sake!”

he gets up off the bed, lightly stomping towards you. you notice the upset look on his face, red, teary eyes, and his hands are clenched into fists at his sides. 

you scoff at the sight, “what, you’re gonna fight me now? do it. hit me.”

though you act confident, you gulp, scared for what’s to come. he reaches a hand up to cup your face, but you shut your eyes, flinching and turning away.

there was no impact.

you turn back to chan, his face completely streaked with tears. “did… did you think i was really—“

he cuts himself off, unable to say anymore. 

you trip over your words, you know you’ve hurt him now. “i- i mean… i don’t see another reason your clench your fists. i just thought that—“

“clenching my fists eases the pain of my heart. that’s why i do it so much.”

“o-oh”

an uncomfortable silence passes between you two.

“um… just- come to me when you’ve calmed down. i’ll be in the living room.”

“o-okay.”

he makes his way out the room, his fists still clenched. you hear the pitter patter of his tears hitting the hardwood floor, and you just break.

you’ve done it. you’ve made him cry.

what kind of a girlfriend are you?

you finally let everything sink in. you sit down on your bed, wrapping yourself in the blanket, but it smells too familiar. it smells like chan.

chan will be leaving you again in two days. you don’t want to think about it, but you can’t stop. this is what he wanted after all. to think about it. to calm down. but you can’t.

not after what you said to him. not after what he said to you. your breaths become labored, gasping for air in between sobs. it gets painful, you can’t inhale anything anymore.

you’re stuck, you can’t breathe, but you’re being too loud. so you slap your hands over your mouth, hoping that he won’t hear, and you stuff your face into a pillow, body convulsing with every breath.

you clench the bedsheets, just needing to hold onto something.

chan was right. it helps.

he is not doing too well without you either. he hasn’t been able to stop crying since you left the room, trying to distract himself with the future next.

he turns on the tv, finally finding the countdown to new years. that’s when he realizes how late it is. how long it’s been since your argument.

it’s five minutes till midnight. 

the next year.

a fresh start. 

but it won’t be the same without you by his side. he tugs at his shirt, sobbing into the cushion even more. he’s careful not to make a sound, not wanting you to feel even worse than you already feel.

before he knows it, there’s only two minutes left. he has to apologize. he has to make it right. there’s no way in hell that he’s ending the year like this.

he walks over to your shared room, knocking softly.

one minute.

the doorknob turns, and you’re forced to face him again. it’s just the consequences of your actions.

your pillow is soaked with your tears, as is his cushion that’s still laying on the couch. your hands are clenched into fists beside you, just as his are now. your bloodshot eyes stare directly into his, and it’s like looking at a mirror.

twenty seconds.

he walks over to the bed, eyes flickering between the wet pillow and your puffy face. his heart clenches at the sight, and he digs his nails even harder into his palm. 

still wordless, he kneels down in front of you, where your legs are hanging off the bed. he’s now level with your face, making him far more intimidating.

five.

a tear leaves his eye.

four. 

he smiles softly at you.

three.

he glances at his phone to check the time, hand reaching for yours. you comply of course, interlacing your fingers in a desperate attempt to just feel him.

two.

he leans in closer to you, heart beating wildly in his chest. it feels like your first date all over again, the nervous feeling in his chest.

one.

using his other hand, he cups your face and pushes your foreheads together, smiling even wider when you don’t flinch away from him this time.

zero.

he steals your lips in a breathtaking kiss, and you just melt into it. your hands find his face, but before you can do anything, he picks you up, lips still attached to yours.

he sits down on the bed and pulls you further into his lap so that you’re straddling him, finally breaking away from the kiss with tears in his eyes.

“happy new year, babe…”

even more tears escape from your eyes now, but you just can’t help them. you hug chan even tighter now, scared that if you let go, he’ll be gone.

“you waited?”

“of course i did. i couldn’t leave you alone.”

you kiss him again, whispering little love confessions to him as you do. “happy new year…”

he knows the elephant in the room still needs to be addressed, and sighs. “i’m sorry for calling you clingy. i didn’t mean it. i really love the attention you give me, and i truly wouldn’t trade it for anything”

“i’m sorry for yelling at you… i should’ve handled it better. thank you for being patient with me.”

“you know i would never… um- do something like that to you… right?”

“i know chan, i was just scared… it was in the heat of the moment. i’m sorry for not understanding.”

he hugs you tightly, “i love you so much, y/n. you’ve changed my entire life, and now i actually look forward to it. i look forward to my schedules, my comebacks, even waking up… because i know it’s for you.”

you can’t even say anything, scared another sob will come out, so you take some time to process his words, kissing slowly at his neck.

“i love you too, channie. thank you for being here for me, and thank you for loving me. i know i can be so difficult and just a lot at times, but it means a lot that you try to make time for me.”

he smiles, kissing you again and tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “oh my baby… i’ve missed you.”

you’ve never heard this type of emotion in his words before, so you just know his words have a different weight to them this time. 

“i missed you too. wondered how i was gonna sleep without you, knowing that you were hurt and—“

“shh baby… it’s okay. i’m here now, yeah?”

“but you’re gonna be gone again in two days”, you jokingly whine.

he smiles, grabbing his phone from the end of the bed, and he calls someone. you’re not sure who, but it rings for a while until they answer.

“hello?”

“i’m not going to be there for the interview.”

“what? why?! we’ve been planning this for months.”

“okay, well my girlfriend was planning on having me to herself for months, but we don’t all get what we want, do we? i’m spending time with her now.”

“can we reschedule?”

“we’ll talk later.”

he hangs up, and you’re a little stunned by the coldness of his voice. you know he hates his manager, but that much? 

“not anymore, y/n.”

“i love you, dumbass”

he giggles, “i love you too, angel.”, he says in a sing-song voice while bopping your nose.

“angel? you’ve never… called me that before…”

he hums, giggling again and quickly kissing you on the cheek.

“new year, new name.”

<3

[ssparksflyy]

Hiii I hope you are having a great day!! I was wondering if you could make another percy jackson x daughter of Hecate reader? If you don’t/ can’t do it that’s fine I just though i would ask.

ask and thou shall receive ༉‧₊˚.

percy jackson dating hcs ! *ੈ✩‧₊˚

pairing: percy jackson x latina!daughter of hecate!reader warning(s): swearin an: dw i got ur 2nd request that u wanted reader to be latina :)) i just added in some little things that tie in ♡♡ srry if these are short btw </3

in the dead of night, your eyes so greennnnnnnn

you and percy tend to stay up later than most of camp

your always up and out after curfew

you js function better at night okay

me asf

the day is reserved for lake dates and the night is reserved for sky watching dates ♡♡

youre literally attached by the hip if you couldnt tell

as they say in waitress, i love you means your never ever getting rid of me ♡

you usually watch from the roof of cabin 3, just cuddled up and sharing a blanket

but once percy suggested you watch from the docks

and you were like oh!

not actually but you looked really hesitant

he was like whats wrong??

so you told him about la llorona !! #coquette

it was so preppy

but now youre both scared to go to the lake at night

even though yk shes not real

and youve literally been through tartarus

and back

and you face unimaginable horrors every day

and percy's literally the son of the sea god

mexican folklore is scary ok yall

idc if it didnt scare you as a kid / you like horror

I DONT

IM TRAUMATIZED

MY GRANDMA PUT ON LA LEYENDA DE LA LLORONA WHEN I WAS FIVE AND I HAVENT KNOWN A DAY OF PEACE SINCE

sorry for trauma dumping yall

kinda silly how some story about a lady who drowned her kids is enough to make 2 of camp half blood's strongest soldiers shake in their boots

so u stick to rooftops ♡

you and hazel are bestiessss

shes a honorary member of cabin 20 of course

you exchange tips and tricks, hazel telling you about the things she saw hecate do and the things she said to her

and you tell her about the things youve picked up over the years :))

percy cant help but smile whenever he sees you two together

he sees hazel as a sister

(yall remember in son when he was ready to fight somebody for her or something like that i dont remember exactly what he said but i do know he was ready to fight)

and ur his fav girl ever ♡

his heart just feels warmed

same way he feels when he sees you playing with estelle

you show her a bit of ur powers and she flips outtttt

she asks sally to be a witch for halloween because "i want to be just like (y/n)!!!"

dont know about yall but if i went home and my family found out i was involved with ~brujeria~ i would not be accepted at home (please read as if youre white and cant say shit in spanish)

thats just the mad religious side talking dont worry yall

but sally and paul would literally let you in with open arms

the jackson's apartment is your second home

percy has a drawer reserved for your clothes in his room ♡♡

he loves it when you sleepover, at home or at camp

he absolutely adores kissing your hands

he doesnt care about the dangers you can produce from them, he'll kiss em allllll he wants

you could be cuddled up together, ur reading to him and he just grabs one of your hands and begins to leave a trail of kisses up your arm, shoulder, neck, cheek, and eventually leaving one on your temple

it just gets you like 😵‍��

he loves his badass girlfriend, okay?

literally your #1 fan

would beat up anybody who talks shit !!!

tea is your holy ground ♡

because you cant drink coffee

cause ya know, adhd, youll just end up knocking out

though you do drink it when you cant fall asleep at night

its me, hi

and hot chocolate is strickly an only-in-december drink, because then it wont hit in december, since you had it earlier in the year

(my mom does that with gorditas and tamales broooo its painful)

so ya drink tea!

i dont drink tea, so im not even gonna try to tell you what his favorite is

he likes whatever you like

but you try a bunch of different teas and stuff together :)

youd probably adopt a black cat together when youre older

youre never gonna beat your neighbor's witch allegations

(probably because theyre true but youll obviously never say that)

i feel like percy would be more of a dog person but lets be real, he likes horses.

fuckin horse girl smh

but that does not mean he wouldnt love and care for the cat

he'd so let you stop to pet any stray cat you see on the street

takes pictures of the cat anytime you do ♡

you cook together !!

you teach percy a bunch of different recipes and stuff :)

has a 'kiss the cook' apron 100%

and what can ya say, you gotta kiss the cook

man you guys manage to stay silly throughout the horrors, we love

[successfulgoddess333]

ZENDAYA EATING A PIZZA!

TOUGH LOVE RANT!

Hi now that I’ve got your attention

I’m going to yell at you

Cuz I love you but y’all killing me with this

“I have the urge to move”

Or my favorite

“I didn’t get symptoms”

Mmmm this one is ultimate favorite

“How do I enter the void?”

😃

Sweetie what do you think my posts are about???

How to find the tooth fairy?

Please stop asking me that when it’s literally in ALL MY POSTS

I literally got blocked cuz I was asked over and over again

By someone I thought was a friend

How to get in the void

I told her

It’s in my posts

Read my posts

I guess she didn’t wanna do that

All you’re doing is meditating

Yall act like you have to clean a whole warehouse or work a 10am to 2am shift!

Like it’s giving

“Omg I have to lay still and affirm and breathe and actually be relaxed and ignore the 3D which I hate anyways and leave this physical plane to go to my 4D which is pretty much me in my most powerful and purest state to gain peace and comfort and manifest my desires because I was born to do this and then wake up with my desires because it’s literally so easy ugh that’s too much it’s soo hard!!

SOME OF YALL ARE GIVING THAT EXACT ENERGY

Im not comparing trauma or anything everything you’re going through is valid

But somebody is probably going through something so horrible

And they don’t know about the void state or manifestation in general!

YET YOU DO!!

Because guys I love you but you’re all asking the same thing over and over and over again

It’s driving me insane

Every post I make is about the void

What it is and how to get in

If my account was about making bagels

Would you ask me

“Do you make bagels?”

You see what I mean?

I love you so much but stop asking the same thing

And I made a post on boundaries

Still had someone asking me to enter the void for them

How am I gonna take time out of MY DAY

To enter the void for someone with the SAME POWER AS ME!!!!

That’s like helping a genius with his homework

You already know how to do it tf you asking me for????

😐

Bro

What do you think the void is???????

It’s not Disneyland

It’s not your mamas house

It’s not a Beyoncé concert

STOP TREATING IT LIKE ITS THE MOST DIFFICULT THING EVER OR THAT ITS OUT OF REACH OR OH I ONLY GET IN IF IM LUCKY

IT IS LITERALLY NOT!!!

There’s is no luck when it comes to the void

I’m not gonna keep repeating myself

Everyone on here keeps telling yall the same things

Yet you still ask

How to enter

Or

Complaining about not having symptoms

BECAUSE YOU GOT USED TO IT THATS WHY YOU HAVE NO SYMPTOMS ANYMORE AND EVEN IF YOU DO IDC IF YOU FEEL LIKE YOUR WHOLE BODY IS BEING DRAGGED ACROSS THE MF ROOM IGNORE IT YOUR SYMPTOMS IS APART OF THE 3D REALITY

WHY?

BECAUSE THEY ARE APART OF YOUR BODY AND YOUR BODY IS PHYSICAL THIS WHOLE REALITY IS PHYSICAL THERES NO POWER HERE YOU ARE THE 4D!!!!

THATS WHERE THE POWER IS AND ITS POWERFUL BECAUSE OF YOU

ITS ALWAYS BEEN YOU AND IT WILL ALWAYS BE YOU YOU HOLD THE POWER YOU ARE THE REASON WHY YOU EITHER ENTERED OR HAVENT BECAUSE ITS BASED ON YOUR ASSUMPTIONS

THE 3D IS A PHYSICAL REFLECTION OF YOU

YOU DONT LIKE IT RIGHT???????

OK MEDITATE

How???

BITCH JUST LAY THERE FOCUS ON YOUR BREATHING AND YOUR PEACE

AT THIS POINT SAY

FUCK MY DESIRES IMMA GET THEM ANYWAYS

IF YOUR ONLY GOAL FOR THE VOID IS TO MANIFEST YOUR DESIRES

YOU’RE GONNA GET IN ANYWAY BUT YOUR GOAL SHOULD INCREASE WITH EVERY STEP

WHEN YOU LAY DOWN FOCUS ON JUST FINDING PEACE AND CONNECTING WITH YOUR SELF DEEPLY FUCK THOSE SYMPTOMS FUCK ANY 3D REACTIONS IF YOU GET NO SYMPTOMS EVEN BETTER NOTHING TO DISTRACT YOU

IF YOU GET SLEEPY KEEP AFFIRMING YOU’LL WAKE UP IN THE VOID

DIDNT WORK?

DO IT AGAIN

“But I’m_(excuses)”

NOPE

DO IT AGAIN THIS IS FOR YOU NOT JUST YOUR DESIRES BUT YOU ARE GOING HOME TO GET THE PEACE YOU DESERVE

THE 4D IS YOUR HOME ITS CALLING YOU!!

YOU CREATED IT THE UNIVERSE TRYNA LET YOU KNOW WHOS BOSS

THAT BOSS IS YOU

SO LIKE A BOSS

GO TO WORK

GET WHAT YOU DESERVE

STOP COMPLAINING STOP RESEARCHING GET OFF OF HERE NOW!!

AND STOP USING ME AS YOUR VOID COACH I MAKE POSTS TO INSPIRE I RESPOND TO DMS FOR ASKS THAT I HAVENT ALREADY COVERED IF YOU NEED A QUESTION READ MY POSTS BEFORE YOU ASK

Not to be rude but you might get blocked if you ask

“How to enter the void?”

Bro

ALL MY POSTS TALK ABOUT THAT

Quit overcomplicating

You made the void

It exists because of you

Put YOURSELF on a pedestal not anything or anyone

Sometimes I feel like yall just use me and other blogs on here to get info on something we already talked about on our posts

Just for you to get mad when we get fed up with repetitive questions

BLOCK ME THEN BUT IM NOT ABOUT TO BABY YOU IM TELLING YOU THE TRUTH THE POWER LIES WITHIN YOU GIRLIE

READ BEFORE YOU ASK BABY

If this still doesn’t help you

Idk what else to say

I love you much love 🩵

[letitiaslabyrinth]

ADDICTION

warnings: not a lot, mostly just alcohol addiction that ends in sobriety.

pairing: Shuri x You

word count: 662

a/n: havent written for my girl Shuri in a while. I've got a lot of relatives who drink but haven't gotten sober yet so if I wrote the sobriety wrong in any way, let me know please

not proof read.

Shuri drank a lot. Most of the time it was out of stress, which you understood seeing as how she's Queen, The Black Panther, and practically the main scientist in Wakanda. She had tasks and duties and projects to do every moment of every day and when she finally got time to herself, she'd stay home with you and drink.

You didn't mind, to be honest. She wasn't a "bad" drunk. She was quiet most times and when she wasn't quiet, she'd rant on and on about how much she loves you. She'd tell you how beautiful you look, no matter if you look decent or not. She loves you in your every being.

There were times when you would get upset about her drinking while she was drinking and she would always talk you down. Not in a bad way, Shuri doesn't like yelling to resolve an argument or a disagreement. It doesn't solve anything to raise your voice, it only makes you and the situation more hostile. Shuri would wait for you to stop talking and then politely ask if you could lower your tone. She doesn't do it to guilt trip or make you feel guilty or anything, she just can't stand yelling. And if you do actually lower your tone and calm yourself down, the two of you talk reasonably for hours. You tell her what happened, why you're mad, and how the situation escalated to the point where you had to raise your voice.

Even if you can't calm down, you tell her that you need a minute and you go to your room. Even when she's not sober, Shuri knows to give you your space when you ask for it. No matter how long it takes for you to unwind, you always end up going to Shuri and having the same conversation about why you're mad and so on.

Shuri, on the other hand, is calm when she's drunk. She doesn't get emotional when she's under the influence since she's drinking to forget her thoughts.

You've asked Shuri to drink a little bit less since you don't want her to get alcohol poisoning or something worse, and she slowly does. She goes from having a few drinks every time she has time off to distracting herself with whatever she can to take her mind off drinking. It was a little hard at first, not picking up the liquor bottle whenever Shuri saw it out and that's when she realized she had an issue. An addiction.

It took some years but with you by her side, she stopped drinking completely. It didn't matter to Shuri that she was calm when she drank, it was the fact that she couldn't go a single minute without having a drink. It was the fact that she had started bringing flasks with liquor in them while she was in the lab. 

Slowly, Shuri started to break her relationship with alcohol. She drank a lot of water or juice anytime she felt like she needed a drink and it worked for a while until it didn't. Then she tried exercising more, but that was beginning to get unhealthy. She tried eating to distract her, but that became unhealthy too. It wasn't until she started talking to you and journaling that she found a healthy way to cope with not drinking. Talking to you about any and everything that was on her find kept her busy, and when you weren't around when she was by herself, she wrote down her thoughts instead.

It's been two years since Shuri's last drink. You've never been so proud of her in your life. You're glad that she came to you when she did when she told you that she had an addiction and needed help beating it.

"I love you, Shuri," You say, kissing her on the forehead.

She leans into your touch, smiling. "I love you, too, baby. Thank you for being there for me."

[vintage-marina]

Ellie Williams x reader: Walking away p.1

summary: After Joel told told Ellie about what really happened in the hospital, she began to resent the two of you.

sorry if its ass, i havent written in a long time

The reader joined Ellie and Joel while the both of you were 15, after losing your family

This is for the ladies and ladies ONLY!

TW: blood, cursing

"I'm sorry," your voice barely a whisper, spoke out to Ellie.

The weather was warm and sunny, but you never felt so sour in your life. Feet planting underneath the grass, you watched Ellie hunching over, her hand covering her eyes. Sobs wrecked her body and tears welled up in your eyes at the sight of that.

"Oh my God," she cried out. Betrayal gnawed at her body at the thought that Joel never told her the truth. An icy feeling settled in her stomach while she thought about you.

Did you know?

"You knew?" she gasped out between her sobs, hoping that somehow you were completely oblivious about the whole thing.

Ellie breath in, breath out.

She had to know, she had to know if you knew. But your head was turned sideways and you stared meekly at the ground, silent tears dripping on your cheeks while you felt your heart clenching.

Maybe that was the answer that she sought, but she needed for you to say it. To say it aloud, to hear your voice say it, was all she needs.

Please say no, Ellie thought to herself. She needed you to comfort her, to hug her and whispering: "No, Ellie I don't."

"Yes," you softly replied, too afraid if you voiced it harder, she could hear the cracks. Her hands began to tremble at what you said while you watched sharply her every movement. She inhaled shakily and tried to calm herself, but it didn't work.

You wanted to reach out, to comfort her. It became such a natural instict for the two of you but out of the corners of your eyes you watched unsure at Joel.

His face betrayed him, lips grimaced and he blinked rapidly. You could never read him well over the years, but this time you swore you saw the emotions crashing over.

With shaky hands you and Joel had the same idea. You pressed an comforting hand on her shoulder, while the man did the same. You hoped she accepted it.

Swiftly she stoop up and poked with her finger in your chest. "Don't you two fucking touch me!"

You could hear her anger trembling through, while her lips quivered. Unshed tears welled up in Ellie's eyes and you quickly wiped away your own while you stared at her. She was the first to break eye contact (something that never happened) and looked at the old man.

Watching the grass, a deep guilt settled in your body. Swirling and swirling until you had the feeling you needed to puke. With furrowed eyebrows you watched her speaking to Joel, completely ignoring you.

But I'm not sorry that you're still alive.

"I'll go back," she spoke to him with nothing but coldness on her face. "But we three are done." Picking up her stuff, she walked away on her own. Tears streaming down her face, while her heart shattered with betrayal and anger.

And at this very moment, she felt alone.

Completely alone.

You stood there, watching her figure becoming smaller and smaller. Tears blurred your eyes and you fell to your knees, while you softly cried out for her, and only her. An emptiness in your heart was now there, an emptiness that was a special place for Ellie.

-

You swore that in the first few months you almost died of heartbreak. It was Friday night, the night was chilly and you could hear the wind blowing. That day you were cussed out for things you had no power over, like the shortage of painstillers and antibiotics. It was until your supervisor send you home you realised how exhausted you were. Exhaustion didn't tip to how you felt. Bags were decorating underneath your eyes and you didn't even had the strength to change in your own clothing. You left the infirmary and stepped into the chilly air of Jackson.

Hazily you watched the few people that were still up walking past you. People of your age, adults and old people.

Huh, you thought. There must be something going on at the bar. You vaguely remembered that your friends told you about it, but you had to work.

Grabbing your backpack tighter, a small yawn escaped your lips and you rubbed your eyes. It was two o'clock in the night and while most people were at the bar or sleeping you couldn't help but feel slightly jealous of them.

To make way to your house, you had to walk past the Tipsy Bison. With each step that you took, you could hear faintly the country music radiating from the bar. You wondered if your friends had a nice evening, the wooden door suddenly opened and two girls stepped outside.

They were laughing about something, but it quickly stopped when they spotted you. Thinking that was a bit weird, you lifted your gaze at the two of them.

The damn fern tattoo.

That was the first thing that you spotted, the arm clung snugly on a girl's waist and a sour taste was left in your mouth. Looking up, you stared in the eyes of Ellie Williams and Cat. A grimace settled your lips after seeing these two. This was the last things you needed to see after a shit day at work. In the darkness you could still spot the small smile that Cat gave you, that you tried returning.

You tried looking at Ellie again, but she didn't even glance back. She took Cat's jaw in her hands and pressed passionatly her lips on hers. Underneath the full moon you had to watch, she pretended she didn't saw you that night. But you knew.. and Ellie knew.

You went off your gaze and stared to the ground. Your brows were furrowed and a heavy feeling settled in your stomach. You couldn't look Ellie in the eyes again. You had no right, but still you felt betrayed. She'd hurt you, she knew that would hurt you, and still.. she did it.

You tried everything to express your sorry's, but it wasn't enough. Ofcourse your letters weren't enough, ofcourse it wasn't enough when you tried apologising in person. Ellie Williams didn't want anything to do with you. After a while you accepted it, with your head hanging low. But now? You didn't want to be near her ever again.

Somehow you felt the one in the wrong. Did the shared kisses, the secretly handholding and the late night conversations mean nothing to her?

Your heart began to squeeze itself and you tried to push away the overwhelming feeling of sadness. Your eyes became teary and suddenly you were the same person that you was all those months ago when Ellie left. Somehow your body reacted automatically and you quickened your pace. Your ears were whisteling and breathing was so much harder now. You left the two lovebirds at the bar.

You couldnt help but let out your cries while you walked to your house. Clutching your hand in the the fabric of your uniform, you let the tears roll down your cheeks.

"Fucking hell," blowing air out of your cheeks you walked further. The familiar path to your house was in the distance while the country music slowly quieted down. "I can't..-" you spoke to yourself, voice slightly cracking. "I can't believe her."

Anger clawed at your throat and your feet stomped on the dewy grass while tears fell on your cheeks. Your balled your fists while your fingernails drew blood. Hot crimson droplets fell on your wrists that splattered on the ground beneath you.

Fumbling with your keys for God knows how long, you managed to unlock your front door. Throwing your bloody keys on a random spot you walked to the bathroom. You came eye to eye with yourself, mascara stained cheeks and puffy eyes.

You looked like a mess.

Your fingers touched your face, fingertips softly wiping away the mascara that only spread out further. Tears welled up at the sight of yourself, "God I'm pathetic." You whispered to yourself. You removed your make-up and slid into your pyjama's that night.

Staring at the door you wrapped your arms around your pillow, a few shaky breaths you tried to control. Your room was dark and not a sound expect your hiccups could be heard. You hoped that someone could comfort you.

Maybe Joel.

But you knew that nobody would come and march through your door. A lone tear fell on your pillow at the thought of that, with that on your mind you fell in a restless sleep.

-

Hope you guys liked the first chapter :) comments are really appreciated!

[magnusbae]

You’ve caused me to be absolutely obsessed with obikin to the point that i literally cant think about anything else and i havent even seen anything starwars related for years just thought i might let you know lmao

Also if you have any more fic recs i wouldnt say no 👉👈

It is red and alarming to draw your attention as yes I did— indeed— finally found a fic to recommend! only took me some 9 days but hey.

First thing first though— I am so infinitely pleased by being the cause of your demise— pardon, obsession. 😌😌😌

You've brightened my day by letting me know, and the only reason it had taken me time to respond was because I wanted to have a rec I would truly feel I can stand behind, start to finish!

So here we are~

Now, so far I had tried to give recommendations that would be vastly different in every sense of the word, however if you pay attention, there's one consistent link between the things I do feel like recommending— and it is consistency.

I firmly believe that consistency makes the story more than any level of quality or absurdness. As it happens to be, this fic possesses both consistency and quality :)

Speak no Evil by Exonerin

It's— tam tam tam~ an ABO AU! Yes, yes I know. While usually used for heavily kinky thematics, this one is.... rather different in many ways. If you've never tried abos or had read so many you've seen it all, or you've never really liked the whole notion— well this one, I feel like, can really fit all three case. Alternative ABOs is the thing I enjoy the most, non-classic, non-traditional sort of ABO world building is a joy to behold, truly. I urge you to try this one, as it is solid, wonderful and simply enjoyable start to finish. Firm Show-don't-Tell, extremely witty writing and language, solid characteristics and just— frankly, fun. Just fun. Nothing much else. I had a blast reading through this, and I think many more people would. I recommend trying this, even if ABO was never your thing. Trust me. 😌

Again, truly pleased to welcome you in this hell I had come to call a home, I do hope you enjoy this ride as it only gets wilder with time. 😌💞💖💕

P.S I forgot to say that this is by far, my absolutely most favorite portrayal of a top Obi-Wan. Me, every time Obi-Wan does something in this fic: 😳👉🏻👈🏻 haha. Take is as you may. 😌💖

[cadaverousdecay]

leaf im trying of expand my horror film history knowledge and also just out of curiosity please i need to know your favorite vampire films. the campiest ones, the essentials. the so bad it's good ones. give me the juice

YIPPEEEEE okay so. i have made it my life goal to watch every movie on the vampire films wikipedia, im not yet there, but i will give you all the favorites of the ones ive watched so far

first off, LOST BOYS!!!!! (1987) my favorite movie of all time, i could watch it every day for forever, the style, the vibes, the soundtrack, everything is so perfect. amazing execution of a horror comedy, about familial love and the feelings of alienation in youth (so many queer undertones), this is a movie for fags

for essential films, i gotta say nosferatu (1922), dracula (1931), [also check out the spanish version of dracula (1931) if you can get a hold of it, it comes with the dracula dvd if you have it at your local library], horror of dracula (1958), blood and roses (1960), the vampire lovers (1970), and the blood splattered bride (1972). three early dracula adaptations, and three carmilla ones. these, esp the dracula ones, lay the groundwork for vampire movies.

for some comedy and camp, check out what we do in the shadows (2014), vamps (2012), love at first bite (1979), dracula:dead and loving it (1995) <-thats where the blood gif i reblogged is from, dracula ad 1972 (1972), buffy the vampire slayer (1992) <-i prefer the show but the movie has its charm, so bad its good, was a fun watch, and jesus christ vampire hunter (2001)

idk what to title these last ones but i love them, the hunger (1983) <- also if u can find a copy of the book it was an amazing read!!, interview with the vampire (1994) <- also check out the new show if u feel like it, its even better than the movie to me, blade (1998), let the right one in (2008), only lovers left alive (2013), and a girl walks home alone at night (2014)

i'll keep u updated as i watch more <3

also if u havent read the vampyre by dr polidori, carmilla by sheridan le fanu, or dracula by bram stoker id def recommend them, those are the big three in vampire lit history. also the vampire a new history by nick groom is a wonderful book about the history of the vampire myth

[candyredmusings]

“Another One Of Those ‘Things My Discord Said’ Sentence Starters.

Things taken from DMs and a few group chats from Discord. CW: NSFT Change / Edit as necessary !

i am literally tom cruise

cum is cool.

[NAME]  is fucked up cus he is straight man

[NAME]  show me your fuckin tits

[NAME], you better not be standing catatonic in your room wearing your handmade jigsaw robe again.

its like they creampied me but instead of cum it was new music

like what about my pussy-area makes u think sea cucumber

the mind is weak. but the body is funky

so im reading that fanfic where 1d like, buys your soul or whatever and im shook

well tom servo is a sex god

and then i freaked it

FUCK YOU APPLE JACK FUCK

ILL SLURP WITH YOU

LEMME SHOW U DICK

ITS A SIDE QUEST YOU SILLY BITCH

I’m a zombie the law can’t stop me

LEAVE YOUR GOLDEN UNCRUSTABLES OUT OF MY HOME I WILL NOT FALL VICTIM TO THY TRICKERY

you, telling me to ignore a twink with side swept brown hair? foolish.

Hes so hot i briefly started texting like a straight person

and because I’m god and I’ve decided that. No. In fact. I’m not done.

MY DUMB BOTTOM BRAIN FOLLOWS COMMANDS TOO WELL

[NAME], I know you love bloopy reggae jams. Now is not the time

OH THATS WHAT I THOUGHT YOUD SAY YOU STUPID ACCIDENTAL HIMBO DEMON

man i rlly am attracted to paul mccartney.

its not that kennedy was gay af sleeping w jackies fat ass out, he just has a better one-

jealous of my massive honkeers

YOU BRAINCELLED BITCH

this forced open my third eye and i saw the devil--

oh me seeming romantically interested in u is making u uncomfortable?? noted

the only pussy this party city shake out wig looking mother fucker is getting

[NAME]  expose your teeth right fucking now

IN THE DEPARTMENT OF OLD MAN FUCKING, WEVE GOT YOU BEAT

What if we kissed while one of us got called racist and we are both boys

i just jacked it to minecraft piss porn

I will pop a huge tentacle boner

i hate females fr fr

we left u to die to play minecraft

IM GONNA FRICKLE-FRACK YOUR WIFE

CAN I KARATE CHOP IT LIKE IN SPONGEBOB

DWIGHT FROM THE OFFICE IS NOT MY SKRUNKLY

she would never ever take away one of these stupid fucking hats

My brother in Christ you’re being haunted

i want to wring you like a wet towel and slap u against a wall

Yeah you'll come to learn I just have a thing for milk

Piss ur pants harder pls I wanna watch

I'm gonna corn on the kill myself

good morning to parappa and his stans. everyone else..... hi ig

lol look at this clown with no slurs

God has abandoned his children but unfortunately for you I pay child support and I will smite thee.

this is how I reveal myself to be homophobic

I have no sluts

idk what it is abt it but boba makes me become like an actual whore

im homophobic suddenly

he was like ‘You're so big”.... and i just started crying

anyones penis can be hard hes not special

for the love of god please help me

i can talk about piss for hours

im sorry i havent recognized mickey mouse clubhouse ost as the cultural landmark that it is

I ASKED IF WE WOULD RP AFTER FUCKING BIBLE STUDY OR WHATEVER

the benefits of being a yandere is that i dont have to forgive OR forget and I am a living breathing PVP zone so Fuck with me white boy.

When toxic by ashnikko comes on I enter the gaslight gatekeep phases of my girlbosshood

im like a child in line for the newest fucked up disney ride

[NAME] is just all fucking Sorts of fucked up

im clownfaking

why are we here? to suffer? every other day i get messages from a whore

always thinking abt when my friend called me a "white boy whore"

you gotta PUMP the errand girl with cocaine

im beyond shame bc i love all cock try again

people have fetishes.

They really do crucify anyone these days huh

u may have never hungered for cock but you have hungered for a sub sandwich and honestly? theyre basically the same thing-

hi im drawing hentai

[NAME] idk why but that really. makes me want to stab you

“Don't have sex FOMO, [NAME], no! “

“TRY AND NUKE THIS, BITCH.”

“There's a group of golden skeletons behind you hitting the griddy “

“GRANDPA’S ASHES SUCKED MY COCK AND TOOK ME TO ARBYS.”

“You’re lanky with no gender and silly goofy with the rizz it works.”

“You can’t just tell me I could be a Tumblr sexy man to my face at 4:30 PM.”

"I have strong opinions about the soviet union"

“CALL THAT PUSSY THE MATRIX CAUSE IM IN THIS BITCH AND I CANT GET OUT “

“dont cry. 8000 types of reptiles on the planet, okay?”

[NAME] lives his life like he’s an RPG character but picks only the rude dialogue options.”

“I need to beat off to this before God destroys California.”

"No amount of pussy could get me on a rollercoaster with three loops"

"I love your senior citizen pussy"

"Gerber is pretty reliable .. I mean .. The Gerber baby didn't die .... did it?"

“you are white i assume”

"I hate you terrorist, and you may quote me on that"

"I love watching you play minecraft. It's like watching a baby fawn."

"I've never seen old men who fuck harder."

"i don't need him to KILL i need him to FUCK ME"

"well maybe if you just dicked down your wife she wouldn't have gone on a murderous slut rampage"

"why cant these BIG titty bimbos stop HANGING around me"

[onebigfangirlworld]

I posted 17,720 times in 2022

That's 2,123 more posts than 2021!

194 posts created (1%)

17,526 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hotsaucebear

@lewissgeorge

@grazieseb

@do-you-have-a-flag

@thefaggifier

I tagged 487 of my posts in 2022

#rambles of one - 160 posts

#top gun maverick - 34 posts

#formula 1 - 31 posts

#daniel ricciardo - 22 posts

#top gun - 17 posts

#lewis hamilton - 17 posts

#reblog - 15 posts

#crochet - 15 posts

#mick schumacher - 13 posts

#derrygirlsweek - 13 posts

Longest Tag: 130 characters

#the other guards and o have agreed that we’re just gonna start dumping buckets of ice into the pool anytime someone says it’s cold

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Family Dinner

Summary: It’s Sunday night which means time for family dinner for Maverick, Iceman, Reader and the dagger squadron

Relationship: IceMav x daughter!Reader, Bradley Bradshaw x sister!reader

Warnings: none

word count: 2097

A/N: This is my attempt at a sequel to On the Outside Looking In, you don’t have to read it to know what is going on but it would help, not beta read

“I’m sorry, what’d you say?” Y/N pulled one of ear buds out. She had been sitting at the kitchen table, working on her homework while her dads made dinner. The dagger squadron was coming over for Sunday dinner, and her dad’s were cooking. Y/N has been working on getting to know the squadron and expressing her feelings instead of keeping in. She was also trying to get to know all the new siblings she had. So far, Y/n was closest to Fritz, which made Bradley a little jealous as he was used to being Y/N’s favorite.

“I said, can you help set the table, everyone’s gonna be arriving soon,” Maverick repeated himself, as he pulled a dish out of the oven.

“Oh yeah, sure. Do you mind if i put my things in your office,Pops? I’ll get them after dinner.”

“Sure pumpkin. Just no snooping through the papers on the desk,” ice told his daughter.

“I know. Jeez its like I havent been living with the two of you for the past 20 years,” Y/n teased as she put her things in the office. “So whats for dinner tonight?”

“Jeez, its like you should know, you’ve been sitting at the kitchen table while we’ve been making it,” Maverick responded.

Y/N grabbed the plates from her pop’s hands and moved toward the table she had just been occupying. “Hahaha your so funny. Should’ve been a comedian instead of a pilot.”

“Y’know, maybe I will do that once I retire.”

“Seriously Dad? You retiring? That’ll happen the day pigs fly and hell freezes over.”

Ice chuckled at his family. He was happy that Maverick had been, albeit not willingly, promoted to rear admiral, had accepted that position as squadron commander of the Dagger Squadron and would be around more permanently. Bradley was also back home now. He could tell the Y/N was happy about the promotion, and Bradley being home, as well. Granted, neither of them had realized that with the promotion and new squadron, Maverick would be taking in 11 stray Naval aviators. There had been a few hiccups at the start, with Y/N feeling left out of the family, but they had pushed through that.

“Back to your earlier question pumpkin,” Ice interrupted his husband and daughter’s conversations, “we’re having lasagna, salad, garlic bread and the cake that you made. Can you move the bread basket and salad bowl over to the table please?”

“That just sounds like carb overload at this point. Are you trying to put them into a food coma so that they can’t fly tomorrow? Is this your secret plan to have one day off?” Y/N asks. The doorbell rings and she moves to go answer it.

“Maybe but don’t tell any of them!” Maverick called after her. “And tell them that they can just walk into the house! They don’t have to knock every single time!”

“I will!” Y/N calls back. “Hey guys, come on in!” 

Y/N moves out of the way and allows Harvard, Yale, and Fritz to enter the home. 

“By the way, Dad wants me to remind yall that you don’t have to knock or ring the doorbell, you can just walk right in. Where’s everyone else?”

“They should be right behind us. We all left at the same time,” Fritz tells her. She gives him a quick hug and lets all of them into the house. “So how have all of you been?”

“Just trying to survive training with Maverick. I mean how is he so good at his age?” Yale responds. They all walk into the kitchen to help finish setting up the diner table. Everyone greets each other.

“Dad fought for a long time to keep his wings. It’s why he’s only just now a rear admiral, kept turning them down to keep flying,” she puts one of the salad bowls on the table, “I’ve been in the backseat, while he flew and I don't think I’ve ever been more scared. He is fearless and I can’t imagine training with him.”

“Oh, did he also get you up in an f-18? I heard he did with penny too,” says Harvard. The front door opens and closes.

“I would’ve ground his ass faster than he could say F-18,” Iceman says. 

“Who's getting grounded?” a voice asks. Everyone turns and there stands Hangman, bob, Phoenix and Coyote. They all greet everyone. 

“Me, if I took Y/N up in an F-18. I never did but I have thought about it,” Maverick tells the group. “Where’s everyone else?”

“They were pulling up as we were walking in, so should be in any-” Phoenix starts but is interrupted by the front door opening and closing.

See the full post

199 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

#4

On the Outside looking in (p.2)

Summary: It’s been 17 years since Bradley left but he’s back now and he’s brought the newly formed dagger squadron with him. But Y/n is starting to feel left out

Relationship: IceMav x Daughter!Reader, Bradley Bradshaw xx sister!reader

Warnings: a lot of angst

word count: 2,474

A/N: Here it is the final part. I tried to make this as angsty as possible

Tag: @luckyladycreator2 @daughterofthereaper02 @shakespear-picaso-lovechild

Part 1

To Iceman and Maverick, 17 years passed by in a blur. They watched their little girl grow up right before their eyes into a strong, confident young lady. Y/N was 21 now and was working her way through college. She continued to live at home with her fathers, while attending a community college.  They watched her go through kindergarten to middle school to high school, through friends, phases and boyfriends. In turn Y/N watched her papa rise through the ranks. All the way up to Commander of the Pacific fleet, while her Dad stayed a captain. She was by their side when DADT got overturned, thanks to her fathers, and was standing right next to them when they got married. She was there when her papa got throat cancer. She remembers doing her homework, while he went through chemotherapy. She was always proud of them and happy to be able to call them her fathers. But all three of them always felt like something, or rather, someone was missing. 

 Iceman kept tabs on Bradley. He always knew where he was and how he was progressing through his Navy career. Iceman updated Maverick about Bradley all the time, and informed him that Bradley was still able to follow his dreams of becoming a Naval Aviator, even though Maverick had pulled Bradley’s application to the Naval Academy with Iceman’s help. 

However, Iceman was a known puppet master, and had concocted a plan to get Bradley and Maverick back in the same place and to get them talking. He only hoped that the actual mission and the side mission would both be a success.

The uranium plant mission had been a success. Everyone had returned home safely and alive. Of course there were a few hiccups along the way but everything had worked out in the end. Iceman’s side mission of getting Bradley and Maverick to reunite and talk also worked. 

Bradley was now home, permanently. With Iceman setting up the Dagger Squad as a permanent squadron, Iceman and Maverick found that they now had 13 children. They went from one to thirteen in a short amount of time. However, there was trouble brewing.

Y/N didn’t know if her fathers actively knew what they were doing or not. With Bradley returning, and all these new aviators that her fathers decided to adopt, Y/N felt like she was being pushed aside. She felt like she was being replaced. 

It had started off small. Some nights, some of the aviators might join them for dinner, or family dinners were cut short by Maverick running off saying that someone needed him for something. Then it soon became plans that Y/N had set with her fathers were getting canceled so they could go hang with the Dagger Squadron. Y/N could slowly feel herself being pushed out of the family. She was happy for her fathers. They finally had Bradley back and more kids that they could relate to but it hurt.

Anytime she was asked how she felt, Y/N would put on a brave face, give the person that asked a smile, and tell them that she was fine. If her fathers were happy, she was happy, even if it hurt her. 

But Bradley could tell that something was wrong. He always knew. Even if he hadn’t seen or talked to Y/N in years, he knew her too well sometimes. The smile would never quite fully reach her eyes, when everyone was over. She would always look just slightly annoyed with everyone. He tried talking to her about it. Multiple times. The first time was when they had a giant discussion about everything that had occured over the 17 years that Bradley had missed. Even though Y/N had sent him letters, he had thrown them out, still too angry to even read them. He regrets that decision. 

Y/N continued keeping her feelings to herself. 

“If my fathers are happy then I am happy.” She repeated over and over to herself. It became her little mantra. It wasn’t healthy for her but she didn’t care. 

“Why don’t you try sitting down with us and having an actual conversation to get to know everyone?” Bradley had asked Y/N one night, when all 12 aviators were over. When Y/N saw that , she ran straight to her room, too tired to deal with the boundless energy they all had, even though they were all older than her. 

“I’ve tried that Bradley. But all you guys talk about is flying,” Y/n responded. 

“No we don't. We talk about other stuff.”

“Fine. All you talk about is flying and then inside jokes. Which I don’t understand. It’s hard to be involved in a conversation when you don’t actually know what's going on. I mean, why sit there and not understand a single thing that’s being said, when I can easily just sit in my room and do my own thing. Besides, it's not like anybody notices if I’m there or not.”

“What do you mean by that, squirt?” Squirt. The nickname that Bradley had given Y/N before he left. It had been a long time since anyone had called her that.

“It doesn't matter.” Y/N sighed. “Just go back downstairs. They're probably wondering where you're at.”

Bradley started heading towards the door to leave. “They’re wondering where your at too, y’know?” He walked out of Y/N’s bedroom and went to join the others.

“No, they aren’t,” Y/N whispered to herself. She went back to doing her homework.

Y/N kept her mouth shut about her feelings, and continued telling everyone that she was fine and happy with all the new siblings. 

Soon, Y/N couldn't keep her feelings locked away anymore and she would let them all out.

It all happened one evening. Y/N had been gone since 7 am, rushing to her classes for the day and then off to the diner she was a waitress at. It wa nearing 10 pm and Y/N just wanted to go straight to her room and stariaght to bed. She was exhausted. 

See the full post

229 notes - Posted September 21, 2022

#3

Peace and Quiet

Summary: Your exhausted but you also want to spend some time with your boys

Relationship: Bob x Rooster x Hangman x gn!reader

Warnings: none, this is just a lot of fluff

Word Count: 598

A/N: I havent written a fic since like 2018/2019 so please be nice to me. This is heavily insired by @daughterofthereaper02 and her work. I don’t own these characters and please don’t steal my work

You didn’t know who or what to blame for your exhaustion. You could blame the full moon that was happening tonight. You could blame the fact that all the students in your classes today were rambunctious and couldn’t sit still. You could blame the fact that you were up late unpacking box after box, trying to get moved into your new home with your boyfriends. You tried to find a reason for your exhaustion but there were just too many to count. Even though you could feel the exhaustion sitting in your bones, you still joined your boyfriends out for a night at The Hard Deck. Having not seen them, in what felt like weeks due to busy schedules, you’d take any chance to see them.

“You doin’ alright, sugar?” Jake asked you. The two of you had been playing pool against each other but you were struggling. Jake had noticed pretty quickly. So had Bradley and so had Bob. The three of them always seemed to notice when something was wrong. 

“Yeah,” you give him a soft smile, “but I think I’m gonna get another drink. Can you step in for me Bradley, please?” 

“Of course, darling,” he pressed a gentle kiss to your cheek, and you passed the pool cue off to him. You stopped by Bob, sitting on a bar stool watching the pool table and having a conversation with Phoenix, and asked if he or Phoenix needed anything. You got their drink orders, and a refill of peanuts for Bob, before making your way over to the bar. 

Returning to the pool area you pass off the drinks to everyone, before slotting yourself between Bob’s legs, his arms wrapped around your waist, as he continues his conversation with Phoenix. Your back presses against his chest, as you feel yourself relax into his embrace. 

“You alright there, sweetheart?” he mumbles quietly in your ear. 

“Yeah. Just tired that’s all,” you respond before stealing some peanuts out of the cup in front of you. He nods his head in response and gives you a quick kiss on the side of your head before returning to the conversation. You closed your eyes, laid your head back on his shoulder, let out a deep sigh and relaxed even more into Bob’s arms. 

Bradley nudged Jake’s ribs, stopping him from lining up the shot he was just about to take.

“What-” Jake started saying before Bradley cut him off and pointed towards Bob and you. Both you and Bob were enjoying the quietness of each other’s company. The two men smiled at the two of you fondly. They wished they could freeze the moment and stay there forever. It was as close to perfect as they could get right now.  

Bradley and Jake were finishing up round two of their pool game, when Bob got their attention. He jerked his head towards the door, a subtle hint, asking if they were ready to go. You were practically falling asleep in Bob’s arms and the boys all agreed it was time to go home. 

“You ready to go sweetheart?” Bob softly asked. You opened your eyes and saw your boys all staring at you. You nodded your head and moved out of Bob’s arms. Jake wrapped his arms around your shoulders and led you out the front door, with Bradley and Bob following behind you. As you walked to the car, you felt Jake give you a gentle kiss on your forehead. You gave him a soft smile. You were very happy and content and ready to go to bed.

233 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

#2

On the Outside looking in (p.1)

Summary: Tom “Iceman” Kazansky and Pete “Maverick” Mitchell love both their kids but sometimes one gets pushed to the side

Relationship: IceMav x daughter!Reader

Warnings: none that I can think but if there is some just let me know

word count: 433

A/N:  This is part one just to set up for everything that happens in part 2 and also i wanted to get this out for everyone. This is also posted over on my AO3 account 

Edit here is part 2

Tom “Iceman” Kazansky. Pete “Maverick” Mitchell. Wingman, husbands, and great fathers to Bradley and their daughter, Y/N. Bradley came into Maverick and Iceman’s care, when he was 10 years old, after his mother had passed away from breast cancer. 5 years later, little Y/N, who was only a year old at the time, came into their care after her mother, Sarah, who was Ice’s sister, and Y/N’s dad passed away in a freak car accident. 

They did the best they could at raising Bradley and Y/N. Sometimes it was difficult, since there was a 14 year age gap between the two of them but they made it work. Bradley adored Y/N and Y/N adored Bradley.  Even though there was a 14 year age gap, they were as close as siblings could be. 

That all changed when Y/N was 4, and Bradley was 18. 

All Y/N could remember from that night was loud voices, yelling from downstairs, slamming doors and then quiet. She crept out of her room towards the stairwell that overlooked the living room. She watched as her two fathers silently hugged each other. She could hear sniffling, and they were talking in hushed whispers.

“Dada? Papa?” Her soft voice cried out. Both men turned to look up at their daughter. Mavericks eyes were red and puffy. He quickly wiped his cheeks

“Y/N. Pumpkin you should be in bed,” Iceman, her papa, called up to her.

“Couldn’t sleep. Too loud. Where Bradley?” She replied. 

Maverick and Iceman looked at each other, wondering what to tell their daughter. A few moments passed, silently. A silent conversation happened between the two wingmen. At last they had come to a decision. Iceman turned and made his way up the stairs towards his daughter. Maverick moved out of the living room and to his and Ice’s shared bedroom.

“Where Bradly?” Y/N asked again, as her papa picked her up and carried her back to her room. “Why Dada sad? Are you sad?”

“Bradley had to leave. He and Dada got into an argument, that's all. Nothing to worry about,” Ice quickly told her. He laid her on the bed and pulled the covers over her body.

“Be back?” she asked him.

“He’ll be back soon, pumpkin. He just needs some time to himself. He’ll be back soon. Okay?” Iceman tells his daughter.

“Okay. Goodnight papa.”

“Goodnight pumpkin.” He kissed her forehead goodnight, and left Y/N’s bedroom.

Bradley didn’t come back the next night. Or the night after that. He wouldn’t return for another 17 years.

262 notes - Posted September 18, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Complete

Summary: Everyone has a soulmate, or sometimes multiple. But you will never feel complete until you have met all of your soulmates. It can sometimes take years to meet them, especially if you have multiple soulmate.

Relationship: Bob x Rooster x Hangma x gn!reader

Warnings: None

Word count: 3075 

A/n: This is only my second attempt at writing top gun fanfic so please be nice. Again this is heavily inspired by @daughterofthereaper02 her  works are absolutely amazing and you should go check them out

You were lucky to grow up in a world with soulmates. Someone, or multiple someones, were destined to love you forever. A majority of people had only one, some had two but even rarer were the ones with three soulmates. You fell into the last category. When you were thirteen years old, three names appeared on your rib cage, one right after another. Jake Seresin. Bradley Bradshaw. Robert Floyd. The three people that were meant to love you unconditionally. Your mother and father commented on how lucky you are to have three soulmates. They also told you that now begins the hard part. The waiting. Waiting to meet each and every single one of them. Your parents told you that you would never feel complete until you had met all three. Even if you had met two of them, it would never feel right until all three of you were together. Your parents also reminded you that there was a chance for one or all of them to die before you even met. If that were the case, their names would burn off your body and all that would be left would be a scar to remind you of what could have been. While you didn’t want to think about worst case scenarios, that little tidbit of information was always there in the back of your mind.

While some people actively searched for their soulmates, you choose not to. It would happen when it was supposed to happen. You weren’t going to force it. 

You met Bradley Bradshaw first. You both met in college, in your shared Spanish 101 class. It was the first day of classes and you two had sat right next to each other. It was as cheesy and cliche as one could get. The professor had told everyone to turn to their table partners and introduce themselves to each other. 

“These are going to be your partners for every group project and lesson going forward. Better to introduce and get to know each other now, rather than later. And who knows some of you might be soulmates,” the professor had said. You gently smiled at the  last statement, deep down hoping that it would be true.

“Bradley Bradshaw,” the man sitting next to you said. Your eyes widened and you turned towards your table partner. He had brown eyes, dark curly hair, and the beginnings of a mustache growing on his upper lip.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say?” you asked.

“Uhm, Bradley Bradshaw? “ It came out more like a question. “It’s my name.”

You gave him a soft smile, and extended your hand out towards him. 

“Y/N Y/L/N”

He returned the smile. 

That was the start of everything. After that fateful class was over, the two of you spent the rest of the day getting to know each other. You learned that he wanted to be a naval aviator, like his father and that something had happened between Bradley and his uncle to cause him to not get into the Naval Academy. You told him that you were a history major and that you wanted to teach just like your mother had done. You shared likes and dislikes with him, hopes and dreams, and what you feared. You two told each other everything. The two of you even spent time speculating about the other two names, Jake Seresin and Robert Floyd, that were tattooed onto your skin.

The years went by and soon you both were graduating college. After college, he would be going off to flight school. Even with the setback from his uncle, Bradley had still made it into the Navy and was on his way to becoming a naval aviator just like his father. You would follow Bradley to Pensacola, Florida while he attended flight school and you had accepted a job as a teacher for the high school on base. The perks of being a soulmate to someone in the military, you could stay on base with them. Neither of you were expecting to meet your second soulmate while in Pensacola.

It happened while you were on your lunch break. The students were all at lunch and you had a free period. Sometimes students would wander in and ask questions about homework assignments or use your classroom as a quiet place to study but today it was just you, and you embraced the silence.

Buzz Buzz Buzz Buzz

Your phone would not stop buzzing. The screen kept lighting up with notifications. All were texts from Bradley. 

Bradley: I’ve met him

Bradley: Jake Seresin

Bradley: He’s a cocky asshole. Thinks he's better than everyone. 

Bradley: But he is also very good looking

Bradley: He asked if I had met you or Robert yet. I told him that I met you but not robert. I also told him that you were here on base with me.

Bradley: He also hasn’t met Robert yet. He wants to meet you.

Bradley: I told him he can come over after training today.

You: Oh wow, sounds like you had an interesting day. I’ll make sure there's enough food for dinner tonight to feed all three of us. 

You: I’m nervous to meet Jake. What if he doesn’t like me?

See the full post

303 notes - Posted September 4, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[felibrary]

╭──╯ WHAT IT MEANS TO LOVE YOU!

PAIRING: aventurine x reader

SYNOPSIS: sometimes aventurine feels undeserving of the love you provide him and tries to show his love for you in various ways.

WORDCOUNT: 1.1k | CONTENT & WARNINGS: written before aventurines release so probably ooc!aventurine, mention of aventurines backstory and his tattoo, mention of one of his leaked lines, fluff, light angst(if you squint??), reader reassures him, reader uses lip products like lipsticks and lip tints, kind of insecure!aventurine, big ass speech that kind of repeats in the end, (kissing lol??), word vomit

AUTHORS NOTE: hihi!! sorry that i havent posted in a while but i decided to post this little fic in honour of the new aventurine leaks!!! LIKE HAVE U SEEN THAT FOLLOW UP ATTACK IM SCREAMINGNGNGJ. also this is not proof read like maybe half assed proof read, i finished this at 2 ammmm

"you know, when i told you that i needed a new lipstick i didn't mean an entire collection"! your eyes flicker from his - down to the surface of your vanity as you can see the pink and red lip products that are splayed across the desk before your eyes dart over to back to his figure that's currently leaning against the door frame, to stare at him in disbelief.

you're discombobulated, dumbfounded, befuddled -  because who in their right mind just buys a ton of lipsticks and lip tints that's probably worth someone's yearly salary! (someone being you) 

windows are eyes to the soul they say. because it seems like he's able to read and understand what you're trying to say without you even having to utter a word.

the blond moves from his previous spot over to you and plops himself down on the stool which is located in front of your desk before giving you playful smile 

he sighs and shrugs in simplicity before speaking up "well, you know, i wasn't sure which one you liked the most and those sales assistants weren't of big help either, so I just bought every colour that they had in store". 

he softly takes your hand in his and intertwines them as he starts to rub circles along the back of your hand. "and it doesn't matter which colour you're gonna use, it'll look good on you either way" he stops caressing your hand for a moment to give you a tender kiss on the back of your hand.

"aventurine"! you exclaim. "i appreciate each of your gifts a lot, i really do and i adore and appreciate you for your generosity. but don't you think that purchasing an entire lip product collection that will expire sooner or later because I haven't been able to try them all out is a bit selfless"? 

the man simply shakes his head before he proceeds to disagree. "no"? he says in a nonchalant manner. "after all", he pauses for a moment. "if you'd told me to spend less time at the IPC and get home earlier or to cancel my trips to other planets because you've missed me", he takes off his glasses and lets out a quiet breathy laugh. "i'd do it in a heartbeat, without having to think twice".

"you know that i'd devote all my love, time and dedication to you. that i'd cross every universe, every ocean and defeat every foe that stands in my way just to see you and have you in my arms". you take notice of his hand that is still intertwined with yours, is slightly trembling. he shakes his head and fiddles with your fingers a bit.

his usual composure and cockiness is long gone. "no - i'd cross every universe, every ocean and defeat every foe that stands in my way just to see and so that you can have me in your arms and lovingly embrace me. i would not only dedicate my love, time and devotion to you but me, my whole self. after all, you're the dawn that i've thought i'd never have the chance to see. the dawn that shone upon me on my darkest days. so treat me how you want, drag me through the mud and use me as you wish, as long as i get to see you". 

"there's nothing that i deem as selfless as long as it's for you."

his hand wasn't the only hand which was trembling now. "aventurine, please don't say that. you try to reassure him but your voice fails you as it quivers. 

"to me you're much more than a puppet which I can benefit from, you're my lover, aventurine." you say in a stern but sincere tone. you turn to the lip products which are  still displayed on your desk and apply a bright pink colour on your lips. (admittedly you were never fond of flashy and gaudy colours when it came to lip sticks but the pink colour matches aventurines eyes which makes you think that they might not be that bad)

"but-", he tries to speak up and continue his sentence, but you don't let him. "no buts", you put your hands on his cheeks and give him a sweet peck on his pouted lips. "ah sorry" you say sheepishly, "i didn't mean to interrupt you, but aventurine you're much more to me than you probably think you are". 

you brush one of his golden hair strands behind his ear before speaking up again. "you're smart and witty. when a complicated situation occurs you always defend me and start a commotion which wouldn't stop anytime soon until the people who were being rude to me would pay and apologize to me".

you let out a profound laugh as you think back of the times that this has already happened. "i adore that mouth of yours, it never fails to neither surprise nor amaze me and '', you kiss him on the lips for a second time, though this time the peck lasts for a bit longer. "and, it's really good at kissing too" you let out another heartfelt laugh that sounds like music to aventurines ears.

he can't stop the smile that forms upon hearing your words and laugh, he wonders how he was so lucky to be the one to steal your heart.

"and not to forget", your eyes wander to his beautiful pink hues. "you're observant, very - if I might say so." this time you kiss his eyelids and they flutter upon the sensation of your mouth coming in contact with the layer of skin that separates your lips and his eyes.

"you always notice when i'm feeling down and try to cheer me up in various ways. and not to mention, nothing ever gets past your eyes! it's like they're always on me" you tease him, but you're able to confirm your statement as you see the tips of his ears reddening. 

"but most importantly", your hands wander down to his shoulders. "if i'm having a bad day you always let me hug you and i get to bury my face into the crook of your neck. you never question what or why i'm doing it and let me stay in this position until i start speaking up first".

"you're always patient with me and that is the trait that i love about you the most. so patient, that i sometimes feel undeserving of your love" you start peppering tender kisses from his jawline down to his neck and kiss the spot that is covered by the tattoo. 

"so aventurine, please don't say that. please don't talk like someone forbade you to love me, like someone shackled and bound you to me because you don't need permission to love me. you're a free person who is allowed to love anyone - including me”.

© VYNICITY 2024. stealing, copying, translating, reposting my works on other platforms or feeding them to ai is not permitted.

e/n: reblogs are greatly appreciated! + divder by @/cafekitsune

[veggiefritterz]

i have words to say. if you know me irl either dont read this or just dont mention it to me. everyone else go ham but dont say i didnt warn you

i just cant. its both that simple and far more complicated. i dont know what or how to feel. i dont know why i feel anything.

i cant just stop talking to people because i always have something i want to say, so just know if i vanish one day odds are im full on dead/in a hospital somewhere.

i dont want to think about the future, its unlikely and uncertain. do i have a future? not at this rate. its too hard to fucking think for me to learn anything.

i do not think i will finish highschool at this rate. if i do it will be with low low marks. and i will be a faliure. so i have less than two years to prepare for that.

i was smart in prep, why couldn't that continue past year 6?

i know why, actually. theres probably a few reasons. one of thems the (until recently, undiagnosed) autism.

the other reason is her.

i fucking hate her. i genuinely hope she dies. i tried to strangle her once. it was both fun and not at the same time, if that makes sense.

before you judge me for attemped murder that i have not been charged with please know that it was rather called for.

because she fucking. i dont know. ill use my big boy words. it'll be hard for me to do but honestly what does it matter, im already fucking upset.

this is your big old warning for s/a. will mark off section end with more red text.

fucking hell i feel sick. seriously sick. but uts like this every time i remember. like my stomachs burning. and i can tell im on the verge of tears, too. or maybe im just really fucking tired.

she essentially sexually abused me for about a year. give or take a month or two, i cant fucking remember. theres things i havent told anyone about, and never will.

i think i want to try and describe it. youre not obligated to read it, so. dont do that if its going to upset you.

october 31st, 2020 hardly counts as anything in my opinion. but it still feels gross. she decided that an appropriate game for her to play was "truth or dare but if you dont wanna do it you strip". these are twelve year olds at the time, mind you. so she had her boyfriend on the phone, on a video call, and did that. i, naturally, was obligated to engage. i did not enjoy it. i said plenty that i dont wanna but you know, i was fucking stupid. i let her convince me. I couldve walked home.

the second time i dont havs a date for, but it was mid november 2020. we were on a school camp. the entire thing sucked, i had terrible hayfever one day and was declined medicine for several hours. they also tried to feed us meat wrapped in bread that was then deep fried. thats not really relevent. moving on from shit camp food. while i was trying to go to bed (note. my bunk ladder was in the back corner of the room) she managed to (mostly undressed for her, as in just her undies. not to be graphic but thats how it is) she managed to pin me in the corner. she was a few inches taller than me, so i could hardly just move. i can only vaguely remember beyond that. it wasnt bad bad that time.

there were other people in the room for part of it. they dont remember. i havent said anything because i dont want them to feel to blame. but holy shit. why didnt they do anything.

then theres very early december 2020. this one was just. yeah. the one, i guess. the big bad or something.

(side note if my phrasing disintegrates its because yours truly is having some kind of intense anxiety attack. i think. either way i would love to kill myself right about now. whatever. but its really vivid in my mind right now so i might as well put it down.)

i just dunno. how do i even put this, really. she uh. okay. if someones wearing lovely thin cotton pyjamas lets not ruin the fabric for them, for starters. i liked those pyjamas. its a real shame. i just fucking cant.

she just. yeah. i dont think i even have to say. she did stuff, she made me do stuff, all while i made it perfectly obvious how unhappy i was. i couldnt do anything about it, much as i wish i couldve. because im too pathetic to fight. i basically froze up. she held my head down. so that i had to do it. i didnt say that was okay. i didnt say any of it was omay.

and to the other person who was there, i dont blame you. you were thirteen. you couldn't have done anything. besides, i think you were playing BATIM so like. beat those ink demons (i havent played bendy).

i didnt sleep that night. until about 3 in the morning. i dont know man.

she "tried" to kill herself the next night. i use quotations because im fully convinced she was manipulating me. she said she felt bad and couldnt live with herself. so why do it again, huh? she fucking lied to me, didnt she. im gonna be honest im just realising this and im so fucking mad. i contacted her mother to make sure she was okay.

theres more examples. just smaller things like publicly grabbing my tits in front of a group of people encouraging her to do so but theyre just numbers now. numbers and occasionally vivid memories. including shit like trying to fuck me in a school bathroom. more than once mind you.

i also fucking hate the girl who decided to be all touchy in the middle of class and i couldn't move where i was sat because it was a partners activity and we were paired up. but eh, she just generally sucks. its whatever.

end section you are safe (?) from here or something

even if you didnt read that section. its just long okay. so damned long. im so done.

look at me. or dont. i actually look like shit. if i had facial hair id be classed as a Wet Cat™. i kinda wish i was tbh... wild. i havent washed my hair in a couple weeks, havent brushed it is i think three days. i have not showered properly because i dont have the fucking energy. its one of those bath-shower hybrids and i turn the water up high and lie down in it because i cant even find the energy to fucking sit up. i havent brushed my teeth in days, maybe weeks, i cant remember. it doesnt matter if i take my meds or not. yet i still apparently "look nice" or something but people lie all the time.

the main reason i cut my hair so short is because i cant fucking maintain it. believe me, i wanted it long. i wanted to plait it and feel pretty. but i just couldn't. i didnt brush it or wash it, i pulled it out, like always. so now i have a mullet and theyre notoriously shit in my town dare i say whole country so noone seems to care.

i think the only times ive slept well recently are after being incredibly drunk. which is concerning. i mean. im sixteen, i know i shouldnt be drunk ever, but if it works, it works. i think i sleep on average about 6 or 7 hours a night, which is not necessarily bad, but its all just fucking abstract nightmares.

at least i dont vape though. thats a win. i have before, do not recommend, very yuk burnt my lungs i think. real talk though if you do i feel ya man everyone does something they shouldn't.

lore drop or something, tumblr user veggiefritters got soft-expelled once! i was suspended forever! all i did was physically fight a few teachers and another student. but she deserved it. and so did they, i daresay.

what did i do after that day? i rode home like usual. i went to my sisters room (she doesnt live here so i slept in there while my old room was being renovated to a lounge room) and i watched youtube until my dad got called by school. then i talked to him. it sucked. then i ate a few nuggets for dinner and tried to kill myself. then, upon that failing, i went to sleep.

i didnt go to school for two months. like. i wasnt enrolled anywhere. family law or some shit, my parents need to hurry up and divorce.

i went to a new school, it was fine, fine, fine, then it wasn't, so i left. i went to a new school, its still fine, thats irrelevant. besides, i have to go there. only public 11/12 school in the town.

but you know what? nothings fine. nothings okay. i just want to be okay, you know? i just want to be innocent. i don't want the past to be the way it is. i with i remembered it all, because while some might say its good that i dont? its terrifying to not know for sure whats happened to you.

i dont like smelling something specific and remembering shit like the eevee themed lunch we made, or the pancakes we made in a saucepan, or the time we tried to solve cicada 3301 for the hell of it. i dont want to sound bittersweet, i dont want to sound like i miss it, but i do, in some weird way.

even though it was clearly manipulation i miss the way she trusted me.

its probably my fault, too, i shouldnt be such an easy target.

if like to tell all of this to my cousin, because i know he'd listen. i know he wouldnt laugh at me. but how does one go about that? i guess i cant. whatever.

shit, man. i dont even know. i went i think a year s/h free? and i was so damn proud of myself. then i dont know what happened. i just broke. and im still not better.

i just think to myself maybe this will be the one that kills me. maybe this one will hit an artery and i can just fucking die.

in my mind, dying feels okay if its on accident. but im seriously considering it at this point because what the fuck else am i meant to do man. im wandering around aimlessly in my own head most of the time. hardly even thinking, just trying to will myself out of existence.

im nothing more than a fucking marionette and whoevers pulling the strings is a sadist.

theres your obligatory shit poetry. i should get that printed on a cap.

ive just moved slightly wrong and its like im tearing my own skin apart. yeow.

ive been writing this at least an hour, i think ive used up 20% of my phones charge! but thats irrelevant. i dont use my pjone much, contrary to peoples belief. i rot my mind with The Computer instead. sometimes the little screen hurts and i need the big screen.

im sorry this is so long. i have a lot of thoughts going on tonight. have a break with a photo of my cat before i keep sobbing. or 4 i guess lucky you. this is shego shes one and shes a little shit. the ants got to her food so she ate them. she refuses to let me take a nice picture of her.

cats, man.

back to me literally crying now.

im scared. im scared of the future but thats common so it doesn't matter. im scared of the past but thats irrelevant. im scared right now because im in bed and its dark so there might be someone there that i cant see.

im scared people will socially exile me again for the things i like, im scared i dont really know any of my friends, im scared ill make a mistake big enough to get me in prison even though technically i already have a few times and nothing happened, im scared people hate me as much as i hate myself.

and fuck, do i hate myself.

what am i good for? i guess people like my writing but what if theyre making that up. sometimes i like my writing too and i go batshit insane over my own characters. but it feels so selfish, i guess.

(i intrude upon myself. i would like a scone right about now)

anyway. what else do i do that people like. im in charge of kids clothing visual merchandising at work. i work in a second hand store, the options for outfits are many. but i dont know. im the youngest person who works there, so what if theyre lying to me?

im creative, apparently. hey, sure, id like to tell myself that but i dunno if i can. i really think i peaked in year two with that.

what have i got about me that people like so much they want to talk to me, because i know damn well its not my appearance. i am fucking ugly. in a weird way. not that my eyes are too far apart or anything i just look dead.

i dont know. i need to let myself live life to the fullest or something but i cant.

i cant just live. its weird.i want to be alive but at the same time its tiring, too tiring, and i dont know what to do about it other that just give in.

you know. give up, and die. how is irrelevant. im so fucking tired, okay.

i dunno. i guess i wonder if anyone would really miss me if i died. but it feels like a selfish thing to wonder. im not sure.

if you want me at my weakest and you want to make me suffer, its your time to shine because right now i am at the lowest ive been in a while.

[richardsphere]

My BG3 review

Full disclosure: Havent finished the game yet, currently deeply into act 3 but not yet reached a true ending, Act 1 is good at getting you invested and setting up a solid narrative foundation, but is actually sort-of bad at telling players which characters are playable. I legitimately didnt find the vampire until i wanted to go through the mountains and the game prompted me to grind for EXP lest i get my ass stomped, and was convinced that the druid was a camp-buddy like Withers, Scratch or the Baby Owlbear instead of a full-blown partymember. Also the Tiefling Party is weird? The option to romance characters at that moment felt weirdly early, and it didnt comunicate properly that you'd have the option to say no right now and pursue them later should your character come to like them in the future. So I as a player felt really put on the spot. (I regret making my character pick a romance in that moment. But I did see they could come to like Karlach in the future and didnt want to be locked out of it. In hindsight i regret picking romance) Act 2 is bad at telling you where to go. the Cursed Lands are drab, boring and have little in the way of recognisable landmarks, and the quest to un-curse the land requires you enter a random room in the inn to talk to a stranger unprompted and uninvited. I basically spent act 2 lost as fudge, unaware of anything that was going on and only met any of Throms kids after i finished the questline because the town they live in looked like a generic ghosttown that couldn't possibly have antying more to offer then more generic shadowmonsters. Act 3 is bad, like crumbling under its own weight bad. Questlines are interwoven with eachother in ways that basically force you to quit a quest half-way to get on with the another quest they dont actually tell you where to find. (the Gondians) and so many of the quests feel like sudden timers? (first it's "rig the printing press before tonight or be slandered", then its "be quick or Orin kills Zevlor without warning", then it's "You dont know how long you have before Orin kills the Hostage" followed by "defeat the Farslayer in 5 turns or less" and "stage a prisonbreakout in less then a single in-world minute). A lot of the quest objectives in Act 3 feel like annoying time-gimicks. Meanwhile the Act 3 Recruit can only be recruited after going far enough into the sewer to trigger the Hostage, yet refers to the hostage as if they've been allies a long time. Gale refers to Raphaels Contract as a signed thing when I refused to make a contract and just came home from a long day of KILLING HIM IN HELL, and Vos just WONT SPAWN so Lae'zel's questline is actually unfinishable. Act 3 falls apart on a script level as a result of its own attempts at complexity, and makes the world incredibly unbelievable as a result. Act 1 feels like the set-up for a brilliant game, Act 2 feels bad and lost. Act 3 just plain sucks to the point im not certain i'm finishing this game at all. Also tip for Larian: If you do produce some DLC: Please stop hiding your questgivers inside random buildings with closed (but unlocked) doors. Not all players are breaking into every strangers home hoping to beg them for Quests unprompted. I didnt find Marinya in act 3 until I looked up a guide to see if she even makes it there or that I was supposed to find her somewhere in Act 2 and got her killed because i didnt. Meanwhile I couldnt find the Remove The Shadow Curse quest because as far as I can tell from what i read online, starting it involves entering a random hotelroom for seemingly no story-prompted reason at all to speak with a random harper.