#please let me rest let me do nothing
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Funny how one person's fear can be another person's dream
i just finished mag 57 - Personal Space and several comments are like "oh god this is my very specific fear it was so scary"
meanwhile i'm just like... i would like that?? At least for a week or so, being able to rest alone with books and films and a window to look into space sounds really nice??!
I already thought the same thing after Freefall lol
#it's the neurodivergent burnout#please let me rest let me do nothing#(the worst part is that i already spent the last few weeks mostly doing nothing)#(but there were things i was supposed to do so it wasn't really relaxing yk?)#and yeah even apart from that the lonely and the vast are mostly just comforting to me lol#tma#tma season two#tma s2#mag 57#personal space#the magnus archives#tma podcast#adhd#neurodivergent#can you call this liveblogging?
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ok this is a deeply deeply weird manifesto and i'm sorry but i feel suddenly very burdened to say it so. if you felt like we were friends and i unfollowed you, this is for you. (don't be scared this is not about problems with anyone this is just my mess. that I think is ok to have which is why I'm talking about it)
so I joined tumblr in 2020 when a) the world was isolated b) I had just moved to a new city and was living alone taking Zoom classes in my apartment. what started as a mindless distraction became such a lifeline of connection and friendship! and still such a support as things started to open back up and get busier in 2021, when I was teaching and in class in person but still struggling for close in-person friendships. I know the group dynamic on here has shifted a number of times, as some of you probably experienced from various vantage points. my use of tumblr has shifted too, on and off, as I've needed different things out of it and been in different spiritual and emotional states. and I've kind of come to realize that I probably threw myself in too eagerly in some ways. it was so exciting to have actual friends on here and for them to actually turn into friends in person, that honestly I maybe prized that dynamic too much for what it symbolized over actually valuing the people. I'm sorry for doing that.
anyway, that worked fine for a bit, but as (glory be to God) I've become much more plugged into my in-person community in the last couple years, I've felt more and more emotionally strained. I've taken up a new attitude towards my family that's much more in line with God, but also much more draining as it means I have to just pour out in prayer and love and wait with patient sorrow over some things rather than fighting and defending my perspective as always right and necessary; and then there's the church-related grief my family has gone through over the last year. I've had a very delicate and difficult friendship that pulled up a lot of unresolved stuff from a college situation and felt endlessly wearying at times. I've had another issue from college recur in a way I thought had been healthily resolved years ago. I've had this whole roommate marriage situation that as y'all know is a very weird trial and pressure. My church has been dealing with a strange and tough ongoing struggle that was already stressing me out before I started working there. My small group has been amazing and I've loved connecting with and relying on them more, but that connection also means more fully bearing the griefs of a lot of different people dealing with the different struggles of life. My advisor situation has been so weird and tough, making my academic work really hard, and then this recent church work has been fulfilling but physically and often mentally exhausting. My future location, work, and community is up in the air after a few years of stability. (I really didn't mean to make this a recitation of my woes, but honestly it's really helpful to see it all written out here; helps explain my deep deep exhaustion, I guess.)
If I ever followed you on tumblr, I love you. In a number of different ways. I feel fondness at the thought of you and at your presence; I want to know you more fully; I desire the good for you; and I find my well-being to be, at least a little bit, tied up with yours. That last one is the rub. As I'm sorting through all the callings and duties in my life, trying to identify what counts as changing my tires versus what wears my tires out, I've found that my tumblr dashboard can switch back and forth very unpredictably between one thing and the other. Often it's a delight to come on here and find my friends and the cool things we're showing each other and the joys and sorrows and goofy moments of our lives! But at other times, when what I desperately need is an escape and rest and humor to provide solace from in-person cares, I find myself pricked all over again by the sorrow of the world and the stress of sin--or even just irritated by stuff I find irrelevant or disagree with or don't want to be reminded of.
To be clear, I'm not saying anyone's doing anything wrong on here. The opposite; I love the freedom y'all have to seek out what helps you, whether that's a lot of facts and ideas or a lot of goofy content or recipes or weird TV or music or venting about life or seeking prayer or advice! We all have the freedom and responsibility to determine how to use the tools we have to aid us in pursuing the good, whether the good is a quick laugh or building up virtue. But I think for me, at this point in my life, my duty and calling has swung back towards my in-person connections in a variety of ways, and I have to honor that.
The lie of infinity that the internet offers is just that--a lie. for me, that lie right now is being laid bare in my inability to have infinite care for everyone whose path I cross. I could follow everyone on here whom I'm endeared to, could keep messaging and replying and building relationships, but it would be a lie to think I can offer that love and care to everyone I would like to. In-person friendships are limited by physical proximity and time; online friendships can't be unlimited either. I need to apologize for acting as though they could be, and committing myself beyond my limits; but also, my life has really changed, and I'm not going to be caught either by the lie that online is only worthwhile if it's permanent.
I want to be clear that I value the connections I've had with you. I've loved exchanging mail and phone calls, messaging fun things back and forth, being online at the same time or learning about your day after the fact. Please know, also, that I have gone to war in prayer for you, and I continue to do so. I wish that I knew how to love widely without feeling pulled apart and worn down, by difference and sorrow and sin (mine and yours). I hope God is sanctifying me toward that end. But right now I'm fairly convinced I need to honor my calling to in-person friendships; I need to protect my mind and heart from even little pricks and distractions, so that I can keep my desires in order and use my energy for prayer and Scripture and to do good work and love the people God's made my physical neighbors. I really do love you, and I wish we had infinite time to talk and think together. I'm so excited to be with y'all in heaven forever. And who knows--maybe my life will shift yet again (it's looking likely) and I'll have a ton of spare energy and love and will come sheepishly back looking to connect with you again. We'll see. You deserve love and attention and connection, in person and online, and I'm sorry that--at least as it feels to me--I held out the promise of giving you that and then had to withdraw it.
so. there's all that. My dash is super quiet these days, thwarting my dopamine search but pushing me towards texting friends, towards meditating more fully on Scripture, towards praying over my work and burdens. I hope you can understand and maybe even be glad that, God willing, this is how I'm able and needing to work for the kingdom right now. love you love you
#wow! that was crazy!!!! at least this is the neurotic overthinking website#so i hope you can not neurotically overthink what you did to make me unfollow you. and instead rest in our mutual finitude#the other day i had the experience of clarifying with a friend that i'm her best friend but she's not mine. in almost so many words.#(she asked who i'm closest to and i named a couple people here and away. then i asked her and she named a couple people and me)#she got teary but didn't have an anxiety meltdown which is huge progress for her! and we kind of acknowledged the difficulty and moved on#and kept hanging out and texting and loving each other#super weird experience but kind of like a lightning bolt of realizing things i've been intending for a while#we have to give each other the dignity of making choices even when the choices aren't each other. on a social level#we have a higher calling! all of us do! it sucks when the social stuff gets weird but we shouldn't let the weirdness distract from the call#and frankly once you start choosing the call over the world then the world's structures stop being at all compelling#for a neutral tool tumblr can be quite amazingly powerful for the Lord#but it is of the world and runs on some lies and i've hit a breaking point where i needed to confront those lies before i kept going#anyway. the point is. I LOVE YOU. and God has told me I have more urgent loves right now.#what an insane post to be making !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#oh wait edit to add! just to be clear i'm not trying to say don't message/reply/send stuff to me!#if i have to set a boundary i will but things are fine. just needing to reduce the dashboard noise#i highly recommend setting online boundaries btw. it's so much easier than stewing and stressing and wondering if blocking is justified#to just message someone and say ''hey you're doing nothing wrong but this way of interacting bugs me so please stop''#(which i've done only to followers never to people i follow. yet.)
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Hrrrmnnng I have so much to do but I’d rather be playing and hanging with friends and drawings and organizing things I see into different aesthetic categories…,,…
#and sleeping honk shoo….#but no I wanted to apply to a new job so now I have to figure that shit out 😒#it’s so wild how I’m the laziest person ever but I’m also a perpetual motion machine that won’t stop finding things today even when I’m#*to do#fully given time to do nothing but rest#also applying for insurance or whtvr#and if I do get the job I’ll have to go on demand and that’s already so 😵💫#and then the actual training process for the new job mannnnn#I could be doing fuck all rn what’s wrong w me#I also wanna get the global entry or pre check or whatever I feel like that’ll be rlly good for the future#and I finished cleaning up my room but it’s not as clean as it could be…… I need to be hit with a tranquilizer#and then talking about moving not just out on my own for the first time but eventually potentially out of town/state….#let me sleep please I’m begging#like I know it’s necessary to progress in life but man cmon#maybe one day with my riches I’ll pay someone to make and carry out these life changing decisions for me#*takes a long drag from cig incorrectly*
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what do you mean my disabilities disable me 😟😟😟😟😟😟 what do you mean they aren't just funny little things that make me quirky and I can joke about 😟😟😟😟😟😟 what do you mean they're actually delibitating and prevent me from doing things 😟😟😟😟😟😟😟
#and at the most inconvinient times like please 🧎♂️🧎♂️ please stop i have so much to do#this is about my autism cfs and depression all ganging up on me at the same time#im struggling to get out of bed and stay awake let alone go outside#what do you mean time keeps going when im like this?????#wdym i cant pause time so i can rest for like a week and go at my own pace and there will be no consequences wdym thats not possible#im also recovering from covid#i cannot stay awake for more than a few hours and my entire body aches#i feel like ive gone for a marathon yesterdsy except i have done nothing but sit up sometimes#this is bullying my own body is bullying me#and my joints are fucking killing me i feel like im 50#specifically my wrists and my neck#i wanna snap my head and hands off i feel like that would help actually#and i have absolutely no mental energy at all the thought of going outside is horrifying#and trying to do anything but idk watch tv is virtually impossible#BUT I HAVE SO MUCH TO FUCKING DO ����😭#autism#cfs (chronic fatigue syndrome)#depression#disabilities#wooo i love having a non functioning everything#doesnt effect me badly at alllllllll
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I'd argue that Kuramochi is the mom of the team but idk if people ready to hear that yet
#He's arguably one of the most emotionally intelligent people in Seidou#not saying a lot when ur competition are baseball nuts#coughcoughMiyukicoughcough#Maybe Im delusional but Im running with it#Kuramochi Youichi#Kuramochi#Daiya no ace#please hear me out on this#He already went brother mode on Sawamura what's to say he doesn't look after the rest of his teammates in the same way#okay bye#actually wait let me back in#he's a mama's boy ofc he'd reflect that#DO YOU HEAR ME#PLEASE HEAR ME OUT ON THIS IF NOTHING ELSE
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currently experiencing The Horrors (thinking abt the fact that i have to start going into the office again from tomorrow)
this will either fix me entirely or cause me to descend so deeply into my burnout sinkhole that i will never be seen or heard from again
#regrettably i think maybe getting out of the house for a few hours might help. don't tell the ceo that#idk im having a really hard time keeping my head above water right now#i basically didn't have any time off last year just to do nothing. every holiday i took was to like. do an activity#like go to america or germany for cons or travel for a concert or some other event#whereas i usually use 75% of my time off to get some desperately needed rest#im really running on empty at this point but i really don't wanna use a bunch of my annual leave this early in the year#also i need to start learning how to say no to people#because last year i used probably 60% of my leave for other people#like. i used 2 weeks to go to washington with my brother as his 18th bday present. that was literally half my leave#and then i used another 3-4 days to visit relatives#and this year i was like 'im gonna be proper selfish with my a/l this year and use it ALL to do what i want to do'#then my mum rang me up and asked me to use a day of it to hang out with her and i said yes. like an idiot#like don't misunderstand me. i love my mum. but i already see her every weekend#and i also have to like. not tell her when i book leave for myself because she'll be like 'oh so we can do something!'#NO. PLEASE. LET ME ROT IN PEACE.#im just so frustrated that i im such a pushover and i already broke my promise to myself this early on#like. why can i not advocate for myself ever. why can i not just. disappoint people. and have that be okay.#personal
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I GOTTA stop reading comments on Twitter it always makes me mad lmfao how do you people exist and how do you feel like your opinion is warranted on every post ever fjfhfbdbdbfhdf
#i follow a lot of nintendo centric people on Twitter just for updates and leaks#and let me tell you nintendo Twitter fans are the fucking worst i'm not talking about fandom spaces#(even though i have seen my fair share of shit in fandom spaces)#people on twitter just do not realize that there is a time and place to make your opinion known on things#and shocker! that time and place is NOT being an asshole on op's post lmfao#anyways this is about pkmn fans defending gamefreak#jusy saw someone be like “Do you think Pkmn will stop realsing a new game every year when they leave the switch?” and op STRAIGHT UP replied#“we didn't get a new game this year”#this is in reference to us probably getting a new mainline game next year announced btw#also we got dlc#also does detective pikachu mean nothing to you.#also please god dev teams getting rest and not being overworked#is way more important than you getting the next silly creature game that let's face it!#you KNOW you're just going to be disappointed by and is gonna be buggy and rushed as shit!#fun fact: you can still enjoy things and be critical of them ^^ you don't have to defend the corporation that makes them
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ran into three old highschool classmates while grocery shopping. there it is again that funny feeling
#feeling v gift shop at the gun range etc rn#i'm proud of myself but when we talked i was cast back to my insecure awkward 15yo self who still wants to prove im better than them#i couldn't even talk abt my current employment status w/o self deprecation please let me rewind and redo that interaction#best thing that happened to me was to leave that social group after 11 yrs in the same class but they still hang out it seems#which is both befuddling and oddly endearing to someone who cut all ties to literally everyone from back then#and yet. i do still on a subconscious lvl wish for their validation. or at least their jealousy#if i couldn't have their friendship that was always the next best thing to aim for#one of them was my crush for years and years. surreal to meet him again while out w my bf#if nothing else my bf is way cuter and more interesting than him so i def upgraded there :^)#but also!!why on a day when i look like crap and when my skin is all crusty!!!! this whole interaction threw me off for the rest of the day
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The reason people don’t want to work is that it’s just normal for them to be in bad work environments.
My issue with working at Walmart wasn’t the work itself I was doing. It was the circumstances around it. The concrete floor, lack of places to sit, having to put up with asshole customers, not getting time off for injuries, and bad pay.
If I had been given shock pads to stand on or a few chairs to rest on sometimes, if they paid me a livable amount of money and I was allowed to yell back at asshole customers, if they had given me any amount of training, I would happily work part time folding clothes all day and telling people where the swimsuit section is.
I’m a creative type. I’m a writer. I’m pretty smart, even. But if I could make a living folding shirts and listening to podcasts in one ear and helping people find the scented candles for 30 hours a week? I would. Leaves some mental space free for me to brainstorm. Lets me catch up on my reading with audiobooks.
But instead I was treated so badly by upper management and customers that I’m like legitimately a little frightened whenever I step into a Walmart now. And I only worked there for three months a few years ago.
I’m a good lower level worker. When I’m treated well. I like finishing tasks. I like being helpful. I like having some time to talk to coworkers and some time alone with my thoughts. I’m a frickin team player. And that’s how I was at my first job. I was treated well by my supervisor. I was trained. They were patient with me. I was so good at being low on the totem pole at that job because I was valued and felt like I was being listened to. I was able to sit still when there was nothing left to do which made it feel less bad when we were on a time crunch. I didn’t mind working hard at that job because it was fun even though I was doing all the low level stuff that the supervisors didn’t want do.
But at Walmart I was like that for all of two days. Then I figured out that nobody appreciated my work and if I worked in my normal people pleasing manner I’d kill myself because their standards were high and the rewards for meeting them were low.
So I slowed down. I started avoiding customers. I started taking a lot longer to get to my breaks and to come back from them. I became worse at my job because no matter how good I was at it there would be no reward, no appreciation, and I’d just be pushed further beyond my limits.
My only level of happiness from that job came from the people who were working with me. The old ladies and my department manager who made sure I wasn’t overextending myself. The one other young man working in the clothing department who always got sent with me to unload the heavy stuff and commiserated with me about the shoulder injuries, the hurting feet we were too young to have.
But none of that was enough to make me stay. We were constantly understaffed. I was constantly abused by customers and not able to do a thing about it. I was not paid much at all. So as soon as I had enough saved up for what I was trying to do and my last semester of college was about to start I handed in my two weeks.
I would have found a way to stay if I liked that job. If I liked that job I would’ve pushed myself to my mental limits to finish college and keep that job at the same time. Heck that job could’ve been a rest from college. A place to get away from it. But I hate that job so I got out as soon as I could.
I want to work. I want enough money to live sort of comfortably. I want to have some tasks to do to give my creativity a rest. I want to be a part of something. But the way that modern corporate run work environments are set up does not give me any of the things I actually want out of a job. And I think that’s the same for millions of people right now. A lot of people would happily spend their lives as a waitress or an Uber driver or a warehouse worker or a farmhand or any other “low skill” job you can possibly think of. But with the way the world works right now those jobs are absolutely miserable. It doesn’t have to be that way. I know because I’ve had a fulfilling part time minimum wage job that I looked forward to going to every week. A job where I was listened to and allowed to sit when I needed to. I miss that job. Especially now since I’ve realized that’s not the standard. It should be. People should look forward to going to work or at the very least not get mild ptsd whenever they set foot into a Walmart.
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Kingdom of Ash Chapter 67
as I read live
Thank the gods. Even though they were the last beings Rowan wished to thank.
She rested a hand atop Goldryn's hilt, flame dancing at her fingers, seemingly into the red stone itself.
"It would take years," she observed, "to heal everyone infected by the Valg."
"Each of those soldiers has a family, friends who would want us to try."
"I know."
The chill wind whipped her hair across her face, blowing northward.
"Could Yrene heal them? Erawan and Maeve? I don't know why I didn't think of it."
"Is Erawan's body made by him, or stolen?
Is Maeve's?" Rowan shook his head. "They might be wholly different."
"I don't see how I can ask Yrene to do it.
Ask it of Chaol." Aelin swallowed. "To even put Yrene near Erawan or Maeve... I can't do it."
Rowan wouldn't be able to, either. Not for a thousand different reason.
"But is it a mistake to put Yrene's safety above that of this entire world?" Aelin mused, examining one of the enemy daggers she'd pilfered. An unusually fine blade, likely stolen in the first place.
"She's the greatest weapon we have, if the keys are not in play. Are we fools not to push to use it?"
It wasn't his choice, his call. But he could offer her a sounding board. "Will you be able to live with yourself if something happens to Yrene, to her unborn child?"
"No. But the rest of the world will live, at least. My guilt would be secondary to that."
"And if you don't push Yrene to try to destroy them, and Erawan or Maeve wins—what then?"
"There is still the Lock. There's still me."
Rowan swallowed. Saw the reason she'd needed to be away from the others, needed to walk.
"Yrene is a ray of hope for you. For us That you might not need to forge the Lock at all. You, or Dorian."
"The gods demand it."
"The gods can go to hell."
Aelin chucked away the dagger. "I hate this. I really do."
He slid an arm around her shoulders. It was all he could offer her.
Over—she'd said she wanted it to be over.
He'd do all he could to make it so.
Aelin leaned her head against his chest, and they stared across the cold lake in silence.
"Would you let me do it, if I were Yrene? If I were carrying our child?"
He failed to block out the image of that dream—of Aelin, heavily pregnant, their children around her. "I don't let you do anything."
She waved a hand. "You know what I mean."
He took a moment to answer. "No. Even if the world ended because of it, I couldn't bear it."
And with that Lock, he might very well have to make that decision, too.
Rowan ran his fingers over the claiming marks on her neck. "I told you that love was a weakness. It would be far easier if we all hated each other."
She snorted. "Give it a few weeks on the road with this army, in those mountains, and we might not be such pleasant allies anymore."
Rowan kissed the top of her head. "Gods help us."
Even with the hours of instruction on the journey back to this continent, Rowan and the others had not wholly mastered the language of the half-forgotten marks. But her mate remembered most—as if they'd been planted in his mind.
Aelin carefully studied the line of symbols across the page. Read through them a second time. "It's not what we're looking for." She pulled on her bottom lip. "It's a spell for opening a portal between locations-just in this world."
"Like what Maeve can do?" Borte asked.
Aelin shrugged. "Yes, but this is for close traveling. More like what Fenrys can do.
"Or had once been able to do, before Maeve had broken it from him.
Borte's mouth quirked to the side. "What's the point of it, then?"
"Entertaining people at parties?" Aelin handed the book back to Rowan.
Borte chuckled, and leaned back in her seat, toying with the end of a long braid. "Do you think the spell exists—to find an alternate way to seal the Wyrdgate?" The question was barely more than a whisper, and yet Rowan shot the girl a warning look. Borte just waved him off.
No. Elena would have told her, or Brannon,
if such a thing had existed Aelin ran a hand over the dry, ancient page, the symbols blurring. "It's worth a look, isn't it?"
Rowan indeed resumed his careful browsing and decoding. He'd sit here for hours, she knew. And if they found nothing, she knew he'd sit here and reread them all just to be sure.
A way out—an alternate path. For her, for Dorian. For whichever of them would pay the price to forge the Lock and seal the gate. A desperate, foolish hope.
Chaol found his father where he'd left him, seething in his study.
"You cannot give a single acre of this territory to the wild men," his father hissed as Chaol wheeled into the room and shut the door.
Chaol crossed his arms, not bothering took placating. "I can, and I will."
Chaol sighed, slumping back in his chair. A lifetime of this—that's what Dorian had laid upon him. As Hand, he'd have to deal with lords and rulers just like his father. If they survived. If Dorian survived, too. The thought was enough for Chaol to say, "Everyone in this war is making sacrifices. Most far, far greater than a few miles of land. Be grateful that's all we're asking of you."
"I hope Anielle burns to the ground. And you with it." A small, hateful smile. "That's all your brother said. My heir—that's how he feels about this place. If he will not protect Anielle, then what shall become of it without you?"
"She discovered the trunk. Right before we got word of Morath marching on us," his father said, his smile mocking and cold. "I should have burned them, of course, but something prompted me to save them instead. For this exact moment, I think."
The trunk was piled thick with letters. All written by his mother. To him. "How long," he said too quietly.
"From the day you left." His father's sneer lingered.
Years. Years of letters, from a mother he had not heard from, had believed hadn't wanted to speak to him, had yielded to his father's wishes.
"You let her believe I didn't write back," Chaol said, surprised to find his voice still calm "You never sent them, and let her believe I didn't write back."
"Watching you with that wife of yours only proves it. I'd think you'd bargain quite a bit to be able to read these letters."
Chaol only stared at him. Blinked once, as if it would quell the roaring in his head, his heart.
His mother had never forgotten him. Never.
Stopped writing to him.
Chaol smiled slightly.
"Keep the letters," he said, steering his chair back to the doors. "Now that she's left you, it might be your only way to remember her." He opened the study door and looked over his shoulder.
His father remained beside the trunk, stiff as a sword. "I don't make bargains with bastards, I’m certainly not starting with you."
Cain's people or they had been. Aelin decided not to mention him during their brief introduction. And Chaol, wisely, refrained from admitting that he'd killed the man.
Another lifetime. Another world.
Seated atop a fine Munigi horse Hasar had lent her, Aelin rode at the front of the company, as it marched from Anielle, Chaol on Farasha to her left, Rowan on his own Munigi horse to her right. Their companions were scattered behind, Lorcan healed enough to be riding, Elide beside him.
And behind them, snaking into the distance, the army of the khagan moved.
The khagan's armies had crossed every terrain, though. Mountains and deserts and seas.
They did not balk now.
So Aelin supposed she would not, either.
For whatever time she had left, until it was over.
This final push north, homeward
・・・
She smiled grimly at the looming mountains, at the army stretching away behind them
And just because she could, just because they were headed to Terrasen at last, Aelin unleashed a flicker of her power. Some of the standard-bearers behind them murmured in surprise, but Rowan only smiled.
Smiled with that fierce hope, that brutal determination that flared in her own heart, as she began to burn.
She let the flame encompass her, a golden glow that she knew could be spied even from the farthest lines of the army, from the city and keep they left behind. A beacon glowing bright in the shadows of the mountains, in the shadows of the forces that awaited them, Aelin lit the way north.
#Chapter 67#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Rowan Whitethorn#Aelin Galathynius#no spoilers please#first read#read with me#read along#final chapter of part 2#all caught up#all updates are now live#read with me live updates#First Read along with me NO SPOILERS PLEASE though warning for post & tags up to KoA 67 & more reacts/notes/quotes in tags below#Chaorene#Rowaelin#I love you always northward Gavriel learning to heal she could be there way out still they try for Hope I don't LET she'd drifted away agai#she's trying to figure out why their evil maybe they're possessed she wouldn't let Yrene near yet that's where she would be#because that's the price she will pay comfortably but the selfless guilt of 2ndary our hopeful Yrene she did not like this#he knew what she meant she's fighting but also it mean different he couldn't forget the dream their dream it was a dream truly a dream#the full circle heir of fire irony him holding her like Qos but this time different and also not flinching -#-when she hops onto a different track also props2her learning Wyrds-#What Maeve could do foreshadowing maybe-the order to rest-Chaol having that talk now vs Khagan frustrations-nothing#Yes Terrin-she fought for him&that made all the difference-he’ll see her himself-this time Rowan&Chaol at her sides&the position means#Rowan smiled-Hope continued-Their team-Lorcy healing-Where fang had gone-Full circle long ago-the rivers-is the Ruhkin just Ruk full name-#rum hen have hypogriff vibes-Oakwald would be proud-the way north-home-finally-gods and gates-#Wyrdmarks. A good spell for encouraging your herb beds to grow.#had leaped at the chance to assist them passing Valg duty onto her scowling betrothed#Hafiza's forbidden library atop the Torre nothing had proved useful.#Aelin tipped her face toward that cold sky as they began the endless series of switchbacks up the mountainsidesAelinsEternalAmusement-to TO
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@absolut--kurant!
Muah
#good morning! please enjoy this amazing display of affection this fine sunday 😍😍😍#indian ringnecks have such a pleasant intonation when they speak#*mwah!* 😘#how did the museum night go? and your saturday activities as a whole? i bet you had tons of fun 😄#any other plans for today or will it be a rest day?#nothing so exciting for me today. i'm going to repair a bunch of clothes i've been planning to repair for half a year 🤦♀️#i was not getting it done because i was in a rut ??? and i am just going to buckle up and do it now#trying to apply this to everything else in my life atm 🤣 in the afternoon i might bake something sweet too#well whatever comes of our days - let us enjoy the most of it!#sending you lots of love 💖💖💖💖💖#indian ringneck#indian ringneck parrot#rose ringed parakeet#parrot#birds#cute
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Imagine Gojo setting a condition to his Clan for him to give them an heir. "It's HER or no one." The elders aren't happy that he chose a non-sorcerer, but they reluctantly agree... that is, if Gojo manages to convince you.
“Come here-...I’m far from done, kitten.”
God, Gojo still makes you nervous, with his mouth buried between your legs for longer than you can even imagine. Why are you still so nervous? Is it the proximity? Is it the way he leans in to make eye contact while he licks you? Is it those blue piercing eyes? Or that immensely amused smirk that twists his lips just enough so he can keep eating you out?
"Mmmmm... stop moving so much, (Y/N). We are making a mess of my desk..." he purrs, all too pleased to watch your eyes roll to the back of your skull. "That’s my good girl..." the man between your legs, praises, "my future bride to be...-"
"T-...that's still u-...under discussion, S-Satoru." Your quivering protests are sweet chords of music for him, "I already t-.... told you that I d-don't want to be part of the jujutsu world.... nor b-belong to a-.... any clan."
"Not any clan, pretty. MY clan."
You hear him slurp greedily at your folds and feel a warm trick of saliva run down your ass, and when your mouth is about to throw another protest-... Satoru Gojo makes a vacuum on your quivering clit with that annoying mouth of his. Your thighs tense and the muscles of your stomach follow, a quake that rakes your entire form, making you a pathetic mock of a human.
Both your hands fly to cover your mouth and Satoru chuckles deep, amused rumble that cracks the rest of your self-control. Your cheeks grow in the most adorable shade of pink, and your breathing hastens.
"So CUTE~"
Satoru whimpers, dumb founded, his broad chest puffing with so much fervor, so much blinding endearment that he feels like about to explode. He can see the doubt in your beautifully contorted features, and he dips his tongue inside you, fucking you with that fat tongue to try to make you agree to his terms, to be HIS.
Dammit! You feel… amaaaaaazing. Why? It’s like a flip inside you only he can switch at will—... even so, he’s dangerous, you remember. He’s a special grade sorcerer, you remember. He’s a mystery, he’s unpredictable—he’s invincible, unreadable, impenetrable and lethal with a playful smile, and you really know absolutely nothing about him.
Yet, he insists that you belong together. He insists on putting his child inside you, he insists that he will take care of you and his life will be yours. He insists that you belong in his world and if you're not there, he won't be there either. He insists on fucking you stupid every chance he gets, bending you over surfaces, of course! Always putting his coat or his shirt or any piece of his clothing, just so your skin never comes into contact with any unworthy surface. He insists, he insists and insists and insists...
“Fuck—” he growls, grabbing your hips, “—why are you... h-how do you manage to always have me wrapped around your little finger—?”
“I want you, Satoru-u... but I can't-”
He stops you with a soft but firm, squeeze to your waist.
“Not like this,” he pants, tipping his head to slowly lick a strip down your sweet cunt, a farewell caress, the whisper of a kiss to his last effort before lunch time is over and he can try again, later. “Let me pretend just for a little longer that you said yes—"
Your gaze drops to his trembling thighs and the warmth that settles in the pit of your tummy is intensified by the clear drop of precum shining at the tip of his gloriously thick and long cock, now achingly swollen and a mouthwatering shade darker in color than the rest of him.
“I'm yours, Satoru-” you offer in a quiet whisper and can feel him shake his head. “You aren't.... but I’ll make you change your mind. You, just watch me, kitten."
➡️ 👀 NSFW Sneak Peek artwork HERE ;)
➡️ FULL NSFW ART of this story
#gojo x reader#gojo smut#jjk x reader#jjk smut#gojou satoru x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#gojo satoru smut#gojo x you#jujutsu kaisen smut#gojo x y/n#satoru gojo x reader#jjk#gojo satoru#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x y/n#gojo satoru fluff#satoru gojo#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fanfic#jjk gojo#gojo x oc#jjk fluff#jjk fic
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my bank app is getting on my fucking nerves
#I'M 22 YEARS OLD AND I DON'T HAVE A JOB#like. dude let me rest please 😭#they also sent me a little notification telling me that my biggest spending category for the past three months was..... groceries#like 😭 what did u think u were doing there? telling me i can only afford to eat and basically nothing else??? thanks for rubbing it in lol#🧃
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i just hope we have a good run in 2024-2025 at this point man 😔💙
#like fuck you trouba#just have to be a bitch about it#let me ask you a very fair question what do you do successfully#even goodrow did more in the playoffs and got told to fuck off#he said give me what i want#because i said so#even tho i don’t do shit#and drury said bet#and then did nothing else#we should all just collectively take over the rangers front office#overthrow drury’s dumbass#and make the moves we need#after how close we came last season#how was it not priority to fix the most glaring issue#oh idk…FIX THE FUCKIN DEFENSE???#EVEN ONE GOOD DEFENSE ACQUISITION PLEASE#nah man too much to ask#fuck you too drury#thank you to the rest of the boys for being them#we miss and love yall#can’t wait to see yall next season#new york rangers#hockey fuckery
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discovered a cheat code to be less weird about my body a few days ago. i can just look at my feet and pretend they're like squirrel feet bc it kinda looks a bit similar in a way idk but it actually makes me feel a little better about my body
#i usually wear socks all the time unless i absolutely have to take them off#i'm just used to it being that way that you Have to use socks at home based on context clues#no one said anything about it so i just assumed that's what it's supposed to be bc no one told me otherwise#now it's been years. also y'know the human thing is stupid why can't i just be a little guy#let me be a rodent please#but yeah also i'm kinda weird about feet bc it feels like. you're not meant to see that. idk#for context the rest of my family has nothing to do with this they don't use socks half the time i feel#but no one ever told me if it was okay for me do that as a kid so i just assumed i guess#i was weird about a lot of things as a kid. still am really but it comes up less#so in short i like to imagine i'm looking at myself as a squirrel so i feel better about my body woohoo#it works#personal#also no i'm not into feet i'm just Weird about it. kinda makes me uncomfy in a way idk how to explain it
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秦彻 | SYLUS ; PLAN
summary | sylus sets a time limit for you to retrieve the brooch from him. unfortunately, you don't get it in time no matter how hard you try, but fortunately, it's sylus you're dealing with.
tags | nsfw (smut), fem!reader, mention of handcuffs, vaginal penetration, creampie, 2.9k words
a/n : inspired by his affinity lvl 15 story (?) aka the one where he gets handcuffed to the bed
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“oh,” sylus raises a brow, clearly finding this whole situation amusing. he’s handcuffed to his own bed with you straddling him, teasing him by tracing your index finger over his body. just how cocky were you?
sylus takes a deep breath in. “so you think you’ve got me now, is that right?”
you hum in response, stopping your finger near his abdomen. “think? no, i know,” you reply confidently, letting out a slight scoff. there was no way he could move, so you could find it freely as you pleased. this was the best scenario, and luckily you didn’t fumble it as this was your last attempt before the deadline reached.
unbeknownst to you, it’s not that he couldn’t un-cuff himselfー it’s actually quite offensive that you think that. it’s more of him wanting to see how far you would go if he wasn’t going to intervene, because it’s fun. how adorable you look thinking you’ve won, how eager you look to finally win against him in something. and so, he watches. eyes locked onto your every action and reaction as you try to find the hidden brooch.
you start at the top of his robe near his neck, your hand making it’s way down, slowly feeling for any small and hard object. you pat at the material rested on his chest, but still no sign.
sylus gives you a small smirk, and you narrow your eyes. you didn’t exactly trust him per se, even if he promised to keep his word. what if this was just a trick? what if he was just toying with you? what if he didn’t have the brooch?”
“are you sure the brooch is even on you?” you questioned. his growing smirk was only making you more suspicious by the minute.
“accusing me, kitten?” he asks, feigning disappointment. “you haven’t even finished looking.”
you roll your eyes at his words, mumbling a small whatever under your breath as you continued looking for the brooch. you smoothed your palm down his robe, patting around his waist. still nothing.
you were getting desperate at this pointー you were almost there. this was the best effort you’ve made so far, and you weren’t going to let your plan fail so easily. you swallow, trailing your hand further down his robe, albeit hesitantly. your hands were at his thigh, the thin material the only thing separating your skin with his.
mentally shaking your head to snap out of your thoughts, you continue feeling for where the brooch might be.
suddenly, you feel something hard. it’s hard, no mistake, but it was far from small.
…that’s definitely not the brooch.
“i’d be careful where you’re touching,” sylus speaks, his voice almost making you jump as you retracted your hand quickly. a tinge of red spreads across your cheeks, and you try to defend yourself.
“shutー quiet,” you stuttered. “i didn’t mean to, okay? sorry,” you apologized, breathing out as you tried to maintain your composure. focus on the goal, you repeated to yourself over and over again. you meet his eyes for a split second, and god, you want to wipe that smirk off his face.
he lets out a breathy chuckle, watching you get distracted as you panicked to look for the brooch.
you finally get to the bottom of his robe, but you find absolutely nothing. where else could he have hidden it? he had to have it with him… that was a rule, right?
“i swear, you’re playing with me,” you accused, defeated. how was this possible? you set everything up perfectly, and the one thing you couldn’t do was find the broochー despite being able to check him freely? “be honest, is it really on you or not?” you asked, squishing his cheeks together with your hand so he looks at you.
“oh, look at that,” he states, ignoring your question before tilting his head up slightly, glancing at the clock, then back to you.
“time’s up.”
you hear a soft click, your head snapping to the sound of the handcuffs unlocking as you let your hand fall.
your body moves instinctively, feet touching the floor as you push yourself off his bed to make your escape.
…only for him pull you back and throw you onto the bed, landing with a soft thud against his pillow. you try to lift yourself up again, but your wrists get pinned by his larger handsー all the more making it hard to move. you start to squirm a little, but decide it’s of no use.
“you really are naive,” sylus sighs, shaking his head in disappointment. how you thought a pair of poorly made handcuffs were supposed to restrict him was beyond comprehendible. “since you didn’t find it in time, i get to have my way with you.”
“whatever, justー just get on with it.” you roll your eyes, trying to act nonchalant, but you can’t help the sudden wave of pleasure that shoots through your body at his words.
complying, he slams his lips against yours, the kiss filled with hunger and greed. the kiss was far from sloppyー he made sure you felt everything, both physically and emotionally, very calculated. his tongue darts out to swipe against your bottom lip, and you gasp.
he takes this opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, the wet sounds of making out filling his room as he continued to french kiss you.
removing his hand from one of your wrists, he opts to grip your waist instead, subtly pushing your shirt higher and higher, until your bra was exposed.
you shouldn’t be enjoying this. yet here you were, squirming under him as your thighs rubbed against one another, eager to feel any sort of stimulation. his mouth felt so warm as he continued kissing you, and so did the atmosphere.
feeling the movement of your thighs, he lets go of your other wrist, spreading your legs apart before slotting himself in between them, his crotch flushed against you. he doesn’t break the kiss once, letting you grind onto his hardened bulge to relieve yourself.
“sylus,” you breathed out, pushing him away gently to catch your breath. you panted softly, a string of saliva connecting the both of your lips as he pulled back.
“what, kitten?” he leans back smugly, admiring how red your lips were. all his doing, of course. “you can’t even handle a bit of kissing?”
“that was not a bit of kissing,” you retorted, looking away. you noticed your clothes were starting to stick onto your skin, presumably from the heat. you start to slowly unbutton your shirt one by one, but he’s not having any of that.
he smacks your hand away, ripping open the shirt like it was paper, some buttons popping off. you couldn't even protest as he pulled your bra down, exposing your tits.
"what the fuck, sylus! that was my favorite shirt," you scolded, furrowing your brows. it was one of the few shirts you decided to splurge on after contemplating for a long time, and the fact that he just tore it like that...
"how much?" he questions, squeezing one of your tits.
"what? like, a little over a hundredー"
"insignificant," he cuts you off, latching onto one of your nipples. he already knew whatever value you said wouldn't matter much to himー he could buy you a million of those shirts and there wouldn't be a single dent to his bank account.
he continues to suck and fondle, alternating between each tit to give them equal attention. he bites occasionally, each time making you gasp. you thread your fingers through his hair, pulling every time he sucked or bit too hard.
after what felt like hours, sylus finally pulls off you with a pop, staring at the red marks, shining with his saliva around your tits. even better that it's from his doing. he lets out a satisfied sigh.
"don't... look at me like that," you whisper, covering his eyes, feeling slightly embarrassed.
he lets out a breathy chuckle, bringing your palm to his lips to kiss it. "you're getting shy now? you weren't earlier when you were touching me all over," he points out, pulling your pants and underwear off in one clean motion.
"and don't think i forgot when you brushed against my..."
"that's 'cause i was looking for the brooch!" you argued, letting out a defeated sigh. "...just fuck me already."
"it's interesting that you think you're in any position to make demands." he flips you over onto your hands and knees, giving your ass a loud slap, resonating throughout the room. "ass up, don't take your own sweet time."
you clicked your tongue at his attitude, but did as he told anyway. as much as you didn't want to admit it, you were eager. the last time the both of you had sex, he fucked you until you were on the brink of tears, moaning and drooling into his pillows that he had to change them after. it was amazing, to say the very least.
sylus shifts behind you, undoing his robe and getting rid of his boxers quickly. his cock stands erected, large obviously, and it's clear he's already been hard since the beginning. even if you don't turn around to look, you knew just how much pre-cum was leaking from his cock as he rubs the coated tip between your embarrassingly wet folds. so much so that you didn't even need any preparationー not even his fingers to spread your pussy open.
he gives your ass another slap again, before guiding his cock into your tight entrance. your pussy stretches around him to accommodate his girth, instinctively clamping down the moment it entered.
"ngh, sylus," you moan, fingers gripping onto his sheets, pillows, anything you could grab on to as he pushed more of his inches into you. you'll never get enough of how big he feels inside you, the empty space previously now filled to the brim with his cock, stretching you out to mold your insides to the shape of him.
"fuck... always so fucking tight, huh?" sylus exhales, bottoming out inside you. though, there was still some of his length left that your cunt couldn't take in. "this cock is too big for you."
you whined in response, spreading your legs further to take more of him in comfortably, but you could barely do so from how filled you were. there was simply no space inside you.
"aw, too much for you, kitten?" he mocks. pulling back to leave only his tip in, before slamming his entire length back into you.
"shutー ahー up!" you cry out as you jerk forward from the sheer force of his thrust. his hands were wrapped around your waist, pulling you back to meet each thrust of his cock. you should've known he was only going to go faster, his seemingly sweet and slow pace disappearing the moment he starts pounding into you at rapid speeds. his balls were hitting your clit every time he pushed his cock in, sending jolts of pleasure through you.
your sounds get louder and louder each time he fucks into you, so much so that you have to bury your face into the pillow to muffle your moans. it was going to happen againー his pillows stained with drool.
he slammed his hips against your ass harder, hoping to elicit more sounds from you. "sylus... mmph!" you moan, his name coming out unclear from how muffled you were.
"hmm?" he hums in question, pulling your hair to lift your face off the pillow. "who said that you could hide your pretty sounds?"
sylus pulls out before flipping you over again, this time taking a few seconds to admire your fucked out state. your face was flushed, half-lidded eyes and drool dribbling down the side of your mouth. he doesn't think he's ever seen a prettier sight.
"you're drooling," he points out, using his thumb to wipe some of it away. well, you knew that, but you don't care, because at this point, all you can think about is his cock. you've never been more grateful to him, more thankful that you met him, as he pushes his cock into you once more.
your walls feel so good around him, he has to take a brief breather before starting to thrust. such a tight cunt, he thinks again, because it's trueー he's never fucked this good of a pussy. wrapping around him so warmly, clenching onto him in all the right ways. he could die happy like this. he could die happy with you.
"fuck me, fuck meー fuck me," you beg, snapping him out of his thoughts. you push up against him, trying to move on your own, to take more of him in, to just do something. the lack of stimulation was killing you.
"stop," he hisses, gripping your thigh to stop you. "you're going to hurt yourself. let me do it."
and then he starts again, fucking you with so much vigor that you mentally question just how much stamina he actually has. he never lets his pace falter from then onwards, railing you as the bed starts to move along to his movements.
with no pillow to bury your face in, you couldn't hide your moans even if you wanted toー exactly what he wanted. you were screaming, "harderー fuckー yes! right there!"
"so noisy in bed," he groans, hands reaching up to intertwine your fingers with him. a small and sweet gesture, the complete opposite of how roughly he was ramming his cock deep inside you. repeatedly, at that same exact spot that had your eyes rolling backwards. if anyone was outside his doorー hell, not even outside his door, maybe even at a few rooms away, they would definitely still be able to hear you.
you wrap your legs around his waist tightly, feeling your orgasm approaching sooner than you thought. "sylus, i wannaー make me cum, please!"
no, he wanted to say. this wasn't your reward, you didn't even find the brooch. but he couldn't. because he was close too.
sylus wasn't going to deny you even if you didn't ask so nicely, even if you demanded him to. he knows the exact look on your face as you cum, and it's the same, perfect, expression that he loves so much each time. at your request, he lets go of one of your hands, dipping his fingers into your mouth before trailing down to rub circles around your clit.
unnecessary? yes, you were already soaking wet. just for good measure, he thinks. besides, you looked sexy with your mouth wrapped around his fingers, almost struggling with how much larger his digits were.
you start squirming, squeezing his hand tighter as he continues thrusting while rubbing, a deadly combo. "fuckー thaaat's it, be a good girl and cream on my cock."
"oh myー sylus!" you scream out his name as your orgasm hits you, eyes rolling back, nails digging into his hand, and your back arches off the bed. your pussy starts tightening and spasming around him like a vice. he feels you get so much, so much wetter that his cock almost slips out of you as he pulls back.
"such a sweet expression," he groans at the sight, pushing your legs back as he tries to angle his cock deeper into you. you try to close your legs from sensitivity, but he simply won't let you, not when he's so close to cumming.
"ohー yes, fuuuck..." he throws his head back with a final snap of his hips, his cock pulsing inside you as he pumps your pussy with cum, his thick load of semen coating your insides with warmth.
coming down from his high with a few more weak spurts of cum, he lets his head fall back down, a contented sigh as he pulls out slowly with a loud squelch. you whimper at the sensitivity, but also at the loss of his cock. his load takes a few seconds to dribble out, thick and creamy, leaving a trail down to your ass.
"satisfied?" he tilts his head, letting your legs down. "seems like you're done for tonight."
"yeah," you breathe out in exhaustion, feeling his hand caress your cheek. "the brooch," you paused, suddenly remembering.
"where is it, and... what's the actual punishment?"
sylus looks at you amused, reaching over to his robe tossed somewhere on the floor, unpinning the brooch before holding it towards you. "looking for this?"
you widened your eyes. how could it have been in his robe? you literally searched everywhereー
"i know what's going on in that little head of yours," he sighs, opening your palm to put it in your hand. "you got distracted, remember? you brushed past it and didn't even notice, kitten."
you groaned in frustration, mad at yourself that you didn't even notice. you basically just accused him for nothing.
"...and the actual punishment? for not getting the brooch in time?"
"no punishment," he states smugly, watching your lips part in disbelief.
"seriously? i put in a lot of effort into these plans, you know!" you smack his chest lightly. "i can't believe you."
"i'd say you gained a lot more than you lost," he says as a matter-of-factly, eyeing the white mess oozing out of your cunt.
"...shut up."
ー @yuki-world
#雪| 秦彻 sylus#sylus x reader#sylus x you#sylus smut#loveanddeepspace#lad#love and deepspace smut#lad smut#love and deepspace x reader#lad x reader#sylus x reader smut#loveanddeepspace x reader#love and deepspace sylus smut#lad sylus smut#loveanddeepspace smut#love and deepspace#sylus
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