#please just crush me with that giant onion | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

randomshenaniganery · 3 years ago

Text

If I somehow got into Obey me! Shall We Date part 2

Me and Levi while videoing Solomon: I wanna be the very best like no one ever was, to catch them is my real test to train them is my caUSe. My whole life was meant for this gonna show the wORLLD!!

M: Horny bastard literally and figuratively

M: So like for science do you have complete control over that tail? The fandom deems this as important knowledge

M: BARBATOS PLEASE COSPLAY AS SEBASTIAN MICHAELIS-yeah I know I call you him a lot but like PLEASE

M: Kuya from Ayakashi Romance Reborn is just what happens if you smush Beel and Belphie into one person

M: Beel... Look at your wings... They’re tiny... If you can actually fly I will single handedly try to murder God.

M: I don’t understand why you’re mad with all these pregnant jokes, I MEAN YOU GUYS TOLD ME THIS INFORMATION and think that I won’t use it????

M: Heaven is pretty controversial not gonna lie

M: Luke you are a baby not just cause your smol but because you think like a baby

M: HEY remember what I said about racism? Knock it off

M: Why do you like me? Like honestly just WHy

M: LMAo who thought that leaving me alive was a good idea

M: Levi I blame you for making me say LMAo outloud I used to only say lol or IDK

M: I do have a least favorite brother but I’m not telling who because it would cause the same problems saying who my favorite brother is

M: YOU FAKE MOTHERFUCKERs

M: Sometimes I think I’m more of a demon than you guys are

M: I made a meme I think I’m going to die after this but I’m going to be very proud about dying and then I’ll see you later cause bitches know I’m going to end up in hell anyway

M: Is this real life? or is this fantasy?

Me and Levi still videoing Solomon but now we’re all dancing and singing: Gotta catch’em all-gotta catch’em ALL POKEMON

M: Satan for confirmation are you or are you not a furry? wait no put that knife down-

M: Beel please be my model for this drawing I have thanksiloveyoubye

M: Beel is definitely in my top three faves list you just have to figure out WHERe he is in that list

M: Levi I fucking told you to stop GATEKEEPing

M: What the fuck are you listening to Lucifer

M: I legit can’t listen to 40% of the songs I have in my playlist because they mention demons and I’m too embarrassed to listen to them now

M: Levi please let me sleep in your tub it honest to God looks so comfy-stop making faces when I mention God you KNOW that I’m atheist

M: Asmo hi please do my nails idk self care who dat bitch

M: ugh I have feelings and I HATE It

M: Am I a kuudere or a tsundere? I can’t tell but if it’s the latter I’m going to commit sui-wait no I’ll still end up in hell FUCK

M: I would never kiss anyone oh you’ll pay me? YOu never said where bitch-

M: I’m not greedy I’m just broke

M: See mammon gets it

M: Levi if you pay me I will draw Henry for you

M: Oh my god I’m henry

M: Diavolo please let me adopt the giant snake in your labyrinth

M: Solomon I’m going to carefully watch you while you cook so that I can understand on what level can you fuck up food so bad

M: OH MY GOD ITS ALIVE

M: If I ate that apple I’m going to kill my clone because there can only be one

M: I really think that I’m more demon than you guys are

M: Mass murder isn’t wrong if it’s in the name of God says the bible-stop it Luke I’m making a joke

M: Simeon tell me on what level of friendship do I get to call Lucifer Lucy

M: Satan there is literally no way for me to give you a new nickname

M: the angrier you get the more like Lucifer you sound so-HEY DON”T FLIP THE TABLE MY ONION RINGS

M: Belphie if you want humanity to die just make them all so lazy no one will ever get up

M: I swear to God that I will not wake up the demon king-okay fine mentioning God’s name doesn’t actually make it more sincere fucking-

M: if any of you look at my reddit history its either I die or you die

M: Bleach is a very powerful weapon

M: Who the fuck designed your demon clothes

M: God is kinky confirmed

M: I want humans to know the existance of demons but I also don’t want Diavolo to be exposed to the horny ones-no I did not mean that literally

M: I know he’s supposed to be the Prince of Hell but I can’t stop visualizing him as a cuddly large demon teddy bear

M: I’m so mad that there aren’t that many stray cats in devildom What’s the fuck point

M: Barbatos if I give you a recipe will you finally answer that question about being a sadist or a masochist? No? goddamit

M: I was going to say goddamn you but clearly he already has

M: I’m going to contact a family therapist

M: Beel please carry me I want to feel tall for once

M: My neck hurts from looking at all of you

M: Belphie move over or I will crush you that’s my sleeping spot-yeah I know that’s Beel’s lap THAT’s THE WHOLE POINT

M: I am constantly in a state of surppressed rage so how do I feel satan?

M: I can’t take you seriously your name is Satan

M: heh-no I do not look like Barbatos shut the fuck up

M: I totally did not draw Lucifer in a comprimising position and sold it online

M: Hi mammon it’s pretty high up huh?

M: Beel I won’t tell anyone if you share that pizza with me

M: it’s not bribery if its not money-that doesn’t work? fuck

M: My type is literally anyone who isn’t human so ya know sorry solomon

M: god made demons and decided that evil was an aesthetic

M: I know I sang and Satan will tear you limb from limb but I swear I just forgot about the lyrics and not that I actually think nah no I think you’ll actually do that I’m not apologizing for shit

M: I’m so nice, I’m a family therapist for free. You motherfuckers better fucking pay me

M: technically I can call the cops any time since you did kidnap me

M: Oh my god the dads are coming * after seeing lucifer and diavolo walk up *

M: Diavolo don’t avoid the question who. is. the. top???

M: Levi I know you know what Archive of our Own is don’t lie to me

M: Every time I see Cerberus I have the urge to climb the highest thing in the vacinity

M: I love Hades but saying that here would just incriminate me and I don’t want to boost Lucifer’s ego

M: Lucifer as an angel I feel like he would be even more obnoxious what? nO put that ROPE DOWN NO KINKY TODAY-

M: * first time seeing asmo* are you gay or european?

M: My life is constantly referencing memes

M: Solomon’s theme song is pokemon we’ve already decided on that

M: CREEPER AW MAN-

M: I don’t want you guys to sing because I will physically combust

35 notes · View notes

unanuvola · 4 years ago

Text

Frijoles

Sonny totally forgot about Bella until he heard the doorbell ring.

"Excuse me. I swear it will take just a few minutes," he tried to justify himself.

"No problem, but it's better you hurry up, if not the doorbell is going to explode," Rafael said, completely focused on chopping an onion.

Fuck, Sonny whispered leaving the ADA in the kitchen. This wasn't how he had imagined Rafael's first meeting with his family. Not that Sonny had never imagined it, but it should have been during a typical dinner at his family's home and, above all, Rafael should be aware of being his boyfriend.

When Sonny opened the door, Bella didn't even have time to say hi that his brother took her from her wrist and dragged her into the apartment, "Don't speak out loud. Stay here. Don't move. Don't breathe. I'm going to take the teddy bear for my beautiful niece and I'll come back in two seconds, so please stay here and… Isabella, look at me. Please don't go to the kitchen. Go it?"

Bella nodded and Sonny was pleased that for once his sister listened to him. Quickly, he ran to the bedroom and took the giant teddy bear that was sitting on the chest at the foot of the bed, but at the very moment he stepped out of the room, he saw Bella shamelessly looking at Rafael in the doorway to the kitchen door.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, Sonny thought as he ran to his sister, willing to remove her from there, except that after he reached her and gave her the teddy bear, he found himself staring - or better say checking out - at Rafael who was reading something on his phone, too focused to even notice them.

"You were right…"

"About what?" Sonny asked, his left arm placed on the frame of the door and his eyes hungrily looking at how that black shirt was hugging Rafael's chest.

"He's hot as hell!"

At those words, Sonny woke up from his sexy fantasies and looked shocked at his sister. He took her wrist and pulled her towards him, finally putting literally a wall between them and Rafael.

"So… Are you two dating? You know that you can tell me everything," Bella said, raising her eyebrows maliciously.

"We are not dating! He's here to help me for the bar and…"

"And he's making you dinner? C'mon! I'm a little bit psychic for this kind of stuff and I can tell you that he has a crush on you. And that 'we are not dating'" she imitated him, "sounded a little bit frustrated to me. Why don't you hit on him?"

"Never! Are you crazy?" Sonny screamed silently, moving his lips theatrically, "God, can you not be so fucking loud? He's just trying to be nice, Bella. I asked his help to study and he wants me to taste his frijoles, nothing more."

"On a Saturday night? Do you really believe that that fine ass man doesn't have a better way of spending his Saturday night than cooking frijoles for a person who doesn't even like beans? He likes you and you like him. Stop being a coward and be happy for once!"

"Shut the fuck up, Isabella!" Sonny shouted, letting explode the frustration that he was hiding.

"Okay then, fanculo Sonny! I'll be waiting for your call to tell me I was right because Isabella Carisi is always right!"

"Fine!"

"And by the way, I like beans! I love beans, fine?"

"Fine!"

"Text me when you get home!"

"Fine!" and she slammed the door behind her back.

Now that Isabella was gone, an awkward silence embraced his whole apartment. Sonny was still looking at the door, when he realized, like a slap on his face, what it just happened. I ruined everything, he thought while hiding his face in his hands.

He gathered what little dignity he had left and made his way to the kitchen. Sonny tried to not make any noise, because the only thing he didn't want was getting Rafael's attention. Or rather, even more attention, in fact there was no doubt that he hadn't heard what his sister and he were yelling at each other.

When Sonny entered the kitchen, Rafael was stirring, nonchalantly, the frijoles. At this point, there were three options: the first one was that Rafael suddenly became deaf; the second was that Rafael was trying to pretend nothing had happened; in the last scenario Rafael was using the information to make some sarcastic joke to his very embarrassed self. Needless to say the third option was the one that scared him the most.

Sonny approached Rafael who was turning off the gas, then he took a spoon of frijoles and brought it to his mouth. The way he opened his lips and licked them soon after… Sonny swallowed hard, not knowing if his mouth was watering for the frijoles or Rafael's lips.

"Rico…" he said in a deep voice.

"Can I taste it too?"

"Are you sure? A little bird said that you don't like beans."

"I like them!!"

"Are you sure?"

"Oh my God, yes!"

"And do you like me?"

"I like you!" Sonny yelled, not realizing that Rafael had really screwed him.

The evil ADA smiled satisfied while Sonny was dying inside. Fortunately, he wasn't able to overthink too much because Rafael kissed him, sweetly and slowly. At the end, Rafael made him taste his lips instead of the beans and Sonny couldn't be happier.

After a few seconds, they separated, "Well this was.. Rico?" Sonny whispered, uncertainly, on Rafael's lips.

"Sí, qué rico," answered Rafael, smiling and stroking Sonny's cheek with his thumb, "I like you too, you know?"

"Oh well, after that kiss it could only be like this."

"You're right… And do you know who was also right?"

Sonny was puzzled, "Who?"

Rafael didn't say a word, but he was looking at him like it was obvious.

Then Sonny had a flash, "Oh fuck, no. Do you know how much I hate to agree with Isabella??"

"You can text her like 'You were right and Rafael thanks you for saying that he's hot'. "

Sonny slapped his arms, "Are you crazy? Absolutely not! Or maybe later, but no! Definitely not!"

"But if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have been sure you liked me, I wouldn't have confessed my feelings and we would have spent the evening studying."

"Excuse me sir, what's your plan for tonight?"

"You'll see!" Rafael smirked, taking Sonny's hand.

While the two were kissing on the sofa, a text arrived on Sonny's phone.

From: Bella

"I WAS RIGHT, RIGHT??? ;)"

#thank you for reading ❤️#sonny carisi #rafael barba #barisi #barisi fic #my writing

40 notes · View notes

fukurodaze · 4 years ago

Text

if i ever get lost

pairing/s: third year!haiba lev x gn!reader genre: fluff, romantic tension aka best and softest tension word count: 3.2k warnings: like, one curse word this was also requested by anon! “3rd year Lev w a reader who’s struggling to pass all their homeworks, projects and quizzes (bc they piled up their works ;;) while thinking of how should they study for college/uni entrance exams?”

special thanks to nat @natszoo and ellie @lcnelyinthesky for beta reading and helping me w this!!

LISTEN TO: somebody loves you - jeremy zucker; glitter - benee

lowercase intended!

you throw your head back when you forget the term written on the flip side of the flash card haiba lev is holding. it’s a friday night, far past anyone’s bedtimes, but final exams for the first semester start on monday and you’re not sure where to start. haiba lev, being the person who has nothing better to do, agreed to come over and flip cards with random kanji, english, and biology terms on it.

lev might also be here because it’s an open secret that he’s liked you since first year, and you’ve never answered to his feelings, but you’re thinking friends for now - until you memorise all of this semester’s kanji, english vocabulary, and biology terms, that is.

“the phospholipid bilayer is made up of...”

lev gives you time to think, his wide eyes going between the answer on the card and your thinking face.

“shit, uh, the phospholipid bilayer is made up of two layers of phospholipids?”

“makes sense, but no.” lev answers, flipping the card to show you.

“the phospholipid bilayer is made up of a polar, hydrophilic area containing a phosphate group bound to glycerol, and a non-polar, lipophilic area containing fatty acids...” you read aloud, trying to memorise what’s currently going out your mouth, in one ear, and out again through another ear.

“you know, your flash cards are pretty comprehensive.”

you raise an eyebrow, “is that... a good thing?”

“i mean, yes and no,” he takes another sip of the tea your mom had insisted to bring to guests, “it’s harder to memorise, but it’s better for details. but-”

“but?” you watch as he takes another sip.

“i think if you really don’t know where to go, just understand the basic concept of everything. for one - what is the function of the bilayer?”

“why do you sound smart?” you question, tilting your head jokingly.

“hey! i am smart! most times! with tests like these that have essay questions, you just gotta learn the basic concept of each term and connect them.” lev advices, recounting his former volleyball captain and nekoma high school alumni, kuroo tetsuro’s, words when lev himself was barely scraping past his first semester finals when he’d just transferred.

“easier said than done in two nights,” you slouch your head on your desk, “plus! it’s not just biology. or exams.”

if memorising all these terms in the span of two days sounds bad enough, you’re still crushed with the supplementary course work and projects due next week as well.

you let out a deep groan. you’re so tired. it’s like biology information only comes up when you’re studying for english, biology only coming up for modern literature, and mathematics somehow being inserted into the little unknown kanji in modern literature. it’s all too much at once.

“it’s all too much at once, huh?” lev places his head on your desk, only a few inches away from your face. normally, you’d push him away, pull your head back up, or maybe even give him a light slap on a bad day, but today you welcome him.

you nod, quiet. you haven’t been able to get a breather. it’s essay this, quiz that, lab report here, test there. your mind is blank.

now, lev sits back up on the extra chair from your dining room, “have you eaten dinner?”

“why are you asking... it’s like, midnight.”

“the question still stands.”

you sigh, “nope.”

lev hums. he takes a pen, then twirls it, like his fingers possessed polar magnets that somehow let the pens never fall from his hands. but it does eventually, and when it falls with a plastic click on your wooden desk, lev visibly takes a big breath and says, “do you want to get ramen?”

you exhale through your nose and smile. “are you asking me out, haiba?”

“is it inappropriate to ask you out now?”

damn this tall dork. come to think of it, he’s never actually asked you out despite the obvious ways he’d vouch for your attention in the past. you’re quite surprised, frankly, as he’s always been so loud in the ways he’s wanted to be with you but never really made it seem like anything was going to happen.

but, hey, it’s late enough for you to put down your doubts about him away. after all, he’s been in your room for four hours, just helping you study. he wasn’t even studying himself - he just sat there, doing almost nothing. and for a guy like him, you wonder how he’s managed to keep there for so long.

“sure.”

lev’s eyes widen. “wait, really?”

“yeah,” you begin to set aside all your study materials, “we can go to a twenty-four hour place in the city, too.”

“alright! let me get you your coat!”

“my coat?” you raise an eyebrow when he hands you the coat you wear the most, feeling both flattered and slightly surprised that he recognises it straight away from your messy room. the boy comes to retreat his coat as well from one of the hangers in your room, and he even offers to get you your socks and boots.

“alright, alright, you don’t have to be that ready to go,” you joke.

he makes sure there is no noise when you two walk out of your house, through the suburbs of tokyo and to the nearest train to the city.

“aren’t you two a bit young to be here so late?” the shopkeeper, an old lady, mutters under her breath. you catch it through her croaky voice when you and lev enter the place together, but you pay no attention because all you care to focus on is the smell of broth and your empty stomach.

“for two, please,” lev says, undoubtedly hearing the woman’s remark, but answering with a smile. she smiles too, and so do you, and it makes you remember all the times he’s smiled and you’ve wanted to either punch him or hold his hand.

today just happens to be one of those days where you want to hold his hand. you shake the thought off.

when you two are seated at the ramen bar, your head falls onto your palm, tilting back to face lev, his chin covered partly by his usual maroon scarf. you had whispered to him earlier on the train what you wanted to order, and lev quickly speaks to the waiter as your tired gaze rises from from the squiggly wooden patterns embedded in the polished wooden table to the boy that’s sitting right next to you.

at first glance, you remember haiba lev’s face to be satisfying to look at. you remember when he had just transferred to your class in the first year, and you developed the annoying habit of looking forty-five degrees to the right every time you were bored in class, as you thought his face was much easier on the eyes than complex quadratic equations or japanese history.

for a while you wondered if it was because he certainly looked different - not only was he practically a giant, but he had eurocentric features that stood out from the majority of the student body as well (it also didn’t help that he quite literally and figuratively filled any room he was in). though, maybe, after a while, when everyone got used to the sight of a new face, you kept your line of sight at a forty-five degree angle, just peering above his cheekbones. the same way you’re looking at him right now.

and really, the only word for it is handsome. dashing. good-looking. you’ve always known that, but now that you put it into words in your head, you notice the chiseled jaw, pointed nose and emerald green eyes feel a bit more-

“what you staring at?” his baritone voice cuts through your thoughts cleanly.

you don’t like where this conversation will go. “haiba, are you doing any college entrance exams?”

lev cocks his head to one side, thinking, before nodding, “i think i am. why?”

“how are you studying for them?”

lev clicks his tongue, and it brings you to surprise, “get your mind away from studying! we’re not here in the city at, like, one in the morning to talk about college entrance exams!”

you sigh, “okay, fine. but, still, answer my question?”

“i just do practice problems for twenty minutes every day,” lev shrugs, “okay, now, can we move away from studying?”

you hum lazily, watching as two bowls of ramen arrive at the bar. he had ordered what you told him you wanted to order, both bowls almost identical in smell, shape, size, and content. almost, because lev didn’t have any spring onions in his bowl.

“haiba,” you call, earning a quick call of your name in response, “do you not like spring onions?”

lev nods so obviously that he seems proud. his chopsticks mix the entire bowl together before picking up the half-boiled egg and eating the slice whole. when he swallows it down, he asks you, “you noticed.”

“i mean, yeah,” you reply, “why do you not like them? they’re like, essential.”

lev takes a slurp of his noodles, and then a spoonful of the broth, “i just never liked their texture - which is funny, since my entire family loves adding spring onions.”

now it’s your turn to slurp into your ramen, one bite turning into two, and two turning into the entire content of the bowl. lev seems to eat twice as fast, seemingly having a strategy to cooling down the hot noodles on his spoon while simultaneously folding a piece of pork charsiu in between the loops of each spoonful of noodles, making sure that the little wrap is bathed in a little bit of broth. you find yourself smiling at his act, almost like he has a system of his own when it came to eating ramen - well, he usually had a system of his own when doing just about anything.

the meal is quiet for the most part, with little mumbles of how your tea needs a refill and the ruffling sounds between sheets of tissue to wipe off the broth around your lips. it’s fulfilling, and the look on lev’s face says he’s happy too.

when you two make it out of the ramen bar, 1am feels the same as 9pm. somehow, you’re no longer the kind of sleepy you were when you were flipping through flashcards on your desk, and instead, you’re almost dreading to go home. you think it might also be the neon lights, but there’s some kind of electricity you’re not yet willing to let rest for the night.

luckily, lev doesn’t feel the need to rush. although his steps are big and his voice is loud, he takes his time when you two make the silent agreement to make the walk to the train station as long-winded as possible. his voice is lower, and softer, this time, and when he speaks to you about his friends from his old school, you convince yourself it’s the most interesting topic in the world - because it is. because it’s lev.

when he stops in his tracks, you stop too, watching him go into a small trinket shop you’ve always seen but never had the means to afford to go in. you reckon you might own something from this store, though.

“haiba, you like little trinkets?” your eyes scroll through the shelves of delicate and virtually useless items, eyes landing on a small lion cub made of clear resin with a small blob of gold floating in the middle of its clear body. you’re not usually drawn to any animal trinkets, as you’ve gotten used to decorative objects like bows or feathers or lace, but today you think about the lion cub. despite it looking severely overpriced, you take it in your hand anyway, not noticing lev’s figure coming right behind you.

“do you want that one?” you yelp in surprise when he says that, turning around to find yourself so close to him you could smell the dried raindrops on his padded coat.

“i’m pretty sure it’s overpriced. trinkets are usually overpriced anyways.”

“wait, let me check it,” you hand lev the trinket, “how much is your keychain?”

you furrow your eyebrows, “what?”

“you know, the keychain on the bag you bring to school.”

“oh,” you try to remember the time you had saved up for that keychain, “i think it was about three thousand yen? it’s overpriced. definitely.”

“well, this one’s only two thousand and five hundred. i’ll get it for you.”

“wha- lev!” you whine, “you’re going to make me feel bad- wait what’s wrong?” you see the boy freeze up in front of you, a big smile creeping onto his cheeky face.

he doesn’t reply for a bit, and you’re faced with raised cheekbones and a wide mouth. you try again, “was it something i did? or said?”

“you called me lev,” oh, you did.

now his smile spreads from ear to ear, and it’s spreading to you. “you never call me lev.”

“huh, well.” you bite the inside of your mouth, “i guess now i do.”

it’s enough for you to let him spend over two thousand yen on a single trinket. you watch as he waits for the trinket to be wrapped neatly in pretty paper and put in a pink cardboard bag, its motif pretty enough to be its own product in the store.

you stand by the doorframe of the store, mouth ready to open with the words ‘i’ll pay you back’. but it seems like lev had heard you from the future, and before you could do anything, he tells you, “don’t pay me back. this is my gift to you.”

“for exams?”

he grins. “you know, lev means lion in russian.”

the bell of the store rings as you two make your way out, this time really going back to the station. you answer with a ‘really?’ at his fun fact but you keep it to yourself that you’ve known ever since he first transferred and everyone had asked him about it.

“yeah, and the thing’s a lion cub, so, it’s like you have me all the time!”

you giggle, walking up the steps to the train platform. “you’re really something, lev.”

lev stretches his arms out, with long limbs you swear ghost your shoulder. you get that feeling again, in your hands, where you just can’t seem to understand why you want to take his hand in yours so bad, so you ask the boy if you can hold onto the bag with your trinket. lev passes it to you, and you hate how you would’ve liked for your thumb to graze over his thumb for longer. you hate it even more when he motions you onto the train, and in a blur, you take his arm, leading him to corner seats on the train. you feel your face heat up.

ah, so that’s how it is.

now you’re conflicted. not that lev had ever made you feel uncomfortable - no, never - but you had never known how to return his obvious feelings. he would act on them, as always, and one day, as you fell asleep one day after final semester exams in the second year, leaning back into the plastic seat of a suburban tokyo metro rail (which lev thought was very dangerous), lev had muttered in the quietest and most subtle manner, ‘what do i do with my feelings?’

then, in a haze, with eyes barely open, you had moved your head from your seat to his shoulder, painting his cheeks red - dumbstruck. he thought you forgot about it the next morning, and you barely remember, so nothing happened afterwards. yet, when you think of him, you think of hues of orange peeling the sky into purple; of freshly washed school uniforms; of heads leaning on shoulders and fingers intertwined. you don’t know how to answer him.

with lev, there is chatter and laughter and blunt remarks that almost get him slapped in the face. still, there is a box, bigger than the bag your trinket is in, that contains words that you don’t think you or lev have ever said in pure daylight and wake.

“hey, lev?”

you want to open that box.

“yeah?”

but you don’t know how to do it yet.

“the phospholipid bilayer is made up of a polar, hydrophilic area containing a phosphate group bound to glycerol, and a non-polar, lipophilic area containing fatty acids.”

lev exclaims a series of ‘oooh!’s in delight.

“was that correct?”

“um,” lev gulps, “i think so? i mean- i think so.”

but you will open it, sooner or later, and it rings in your head when you step off the train and walk into the neighbourhood. right now, nothing is different - the air is not heavier, his eyes do not sparkle like love interests do in the movies, and you do not look through a rose-coloured lens. monday is finals, and the weekend is studying. you tell yourself this.

lev stops at your doorstep, and you almost feel a sear in your chest at the thought of him leaving for the night.

“so, good luck with next week, y/n.”

you nod, trinket bag in your hands, “you too, lev.”

you find that your arms are opening up, a small pout on your face as lev comes to wrap his arms around you, coats shuffling against each other as you hold each other at three in the morning.

when you pull away from the hug, you start to ramble a bit, scrambling for new topics to bring up in hopes of just a few more seconds with him - that, and trying to stop yourself from your newfound want to cup this boy’s face in your hands and kiss him square on the lips. you wonder if he would be good at kissing, and you wonder how much you’ll regret having these thoughts tomorrow.

but even conversation dies when you know it’s getting too cold, so you bid your sweet goodbyes and promise him not to overwork; he reminds you that it’s better to do short but frequent study sessions than fewer and highly intensive ones. you nod, your boots heavy on your doorstep, the hushed sound of keys in doors slowly becoming the only sound you hear as you assume lev’s left already.

until he calls your name.

your head spins fast towards the boy, watching as he makes long strides to stand at your doorway once again, scarf prodding the tip of his nose, so close to your face. he’s red.

“during exams, or tomorrow, or studying for entrance exams- if you ever get lost-” he pants, and unties his scarf from his neck.

“you’ll find me, okay?” the scarf comfortably hangs around your neck now, covering your mouth. he pats your head twice. it’s warm - literally.

you barely get the chance to say anything before he darts out of your house with a quick goodbye. you’re left confused, flustered, and excited at once, and this time, you think you might have the words as to why.

you like to imagine you taste sweetness, see eyes that sparkle, and feel butterflies in your stomach.

“it might not be so bad,” you whisper, looking down at the pretty little bag containing one unnecessarily expensive item lev had bought you.

right; you have feelings for him too.

then you make up your mind: you’ll tell him next friday. and if your finals stand between tonight and next friday, then, all the more motivation to get through them, right?

you make sure to set an alarm for seven in the morning, kanji textbooks lined up for tomorrow.

#haikyuu x reader #lev haiba #lev x reader #haiba x reader #haiba lev imagine #hq x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu scenarios #lev scenarios #haiba scenarios #lev fluff #haiba lev #haiba lev x reader #lev haiba x reader #hq fluff #nekoma x reader #nekoma fluff

163 notes · View notes

kiokodoodles · 3 years ago

Text

Incorrect Quotes but it’s for @ivyprism’s University AU

Kidnapper, negotiating with Chief: We have Slick. Give us ten thousand dollars and they will be returned to you unharmed

Slick: Whoa, whoa, wait, you think I’m only worth ten thousand dollars?

Kidnapper:

Slick: MAKE IT ONE MILLION–

Kidnapper: Slick STOP

Kioko: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me.

Hound: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you?

Kioko: Yes!

Brass: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you.

Kioko: What are your goals?

Brass: To pet all the dogs.

Kioko: No, fitness goals.

Brass: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs.

Captain, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.

Kioko: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!

Captain, with the tone of someone who is used to Kioko: Outstanding.

Captain: This is what I’m talking about people.

Brass: This is a mistake

Paps, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!

Brass: But not today

Paps, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess

Kioko: I turned out perfectly fine!

Rus: Kioko, this morning you thought a ghost made your toast

Kioko: I DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN! YOU DIDN’T PUT THE BREAD IN!!!

Brass: This is such a bad idea.

Stretch: Then why are you coming along?

Brass: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

Slick, pointing: May I sit there?

Kioko: That's my lap

Slick: That doesn't answer my question, angel.

Hound: You love me, right, sweetheart?

Kioko: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

Kioko: Lol heads up if you try to make a candle with food coloring, the food coloring will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food coloring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food coloring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter. Please take my word on this lmfao

Brass: What did you do Dove?

Kioko: A MISTAKE

Crush: I’m in love with you.

Kioko: We called off the prank war last night at midnight, dork.

Crush: I know.

Kioko: Ah. Okay. Um. Cool. Neat. Very cool. Cool. Cool. Coolcoolcool-

Kioko: Are you ready to commit?

Slick: Like, a crime or a relationship?

Kioko: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Crush: This is a lie.

Crush: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.

Crush: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

Serenity: The stars are so beautiful...

Pyre: They're just giant balls of gas.

Serenity: You know what, if you're just going to ruin this, then-

Pyre: And yet none of them are as huge as my love for you.

Serenity: Oh...

Brass: Did you know you remind me of all 26 letters of the alphabet?

Kioko: What? Like J F K W S Q X-

Brass: No, like, U R A Q T.

Kioko: Awwww!

Kioko: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you...

Chaotic crush: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

Captain: Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know!

Kioko: The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus.

Captain: Stop.

Hound: I dare you to kiss the next person who walks into this room.

Junior: Screw that, I’m not kissing any of you.

*Blaze walks in*

Junior: Fine, I’ll do it. Rules are rules you know.

Hound: Go ahead, Kioko. Let it out, cry. If you don't, your tear ducts will get blocked up, and then when you get old, you won't be able to cry.

Paps: Just when we thought it was safe to let you back into the conversation.

Hound: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Ebony, used to Hound being dumb: Sure...

Hound: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Ebony: Okay?

Hound: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Ebony:

Hound: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Ebony: Jesus, that one is a little-

Stretch, interested: No, no, Hound, keep going.

Hound: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.

Kioko: But they said not to touch the masterpieces.

Hound: Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall.

Pyre, on a walkie talkie: This is Pyre, those idiots are fucking around in the East wing again.

Stretch: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and…

Hound: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.

Stretch: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said…

Paps: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

Brass: So how’s the food Kioko made?

Rus: It's great! Compliments to them.

Brass: *goes to the kitchen*

Brass: You're adorable.

Kioko: *blushes*

Hound: Last night I found out Kioko is a sleep talker.

Stretch: Oh, really?

Hound: "The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell." Right. In. My. Ear. At 3am.

#incorrect quotes #// suggestive #tw caps #the adventures of a simp #tw swearing

6 notes · View notes

whump-tr0pes · 4 years ago

Text

Honor Bound 5 - 7

This is a series. Start here, continued from here.

This is a sequel to Honor Bound, Honor Bound 2, Honor Bound 3, Honor Bound 4, and the prequel Vera.

AO3

Content warning: permanent injury, chronic pain, mild implied spice, PTSD, accidental triggering, past captivity, really fucked up parenting

“What kind of tea do you want?” Edrissa said, her head in the tea cabinet. “I have chamomile, mint, the spice tea, basil and mint, lemon balm, green tea, Gavin’s headache tea, and that new black tea I got yesterday that’s really really good. It’s almost like Oolong but it’s a little more, I don’t know, intense? Maybe it’s an Oolong blend. I haven’t figured it out yet. Mx. Sadey said the labels fell off when the box got wet and so it’s just kind of a surprise any time they pull teas from that box…”

Sam glanced at her from where they stood at the counter kneading bread dough with one hand. Their right arm was slinged. It was feeling better since they’d hurt it again three days ago, but Finn wasn’t taking any chances. It still throbbed sometimes, still sent those agonizing stabs of pain through them when they moved just wrong. Still, it didn’t feel like anything more was wrong.

Edrissa’s blue eyes met theirs. Their heart squeezed as she blushed.

“Umm…” They scrunched their nose as they thought. “Chamomile, please.”

Edrissa nodded and turned her gaze to Zachariah, who stood across the kitchen at another counter chopping onions for the stew that would feed the family tonight. Her lips curved into a faint smile.

“I’ll, um, take chamomile too, please,” Zachariah said softly.

Edrissa nodded once and pulled the tin from the cabinet. She flitted to the stove and began to heat the kettle. Then she spun and went to Sam’s side, her hip just brushing against theirs. Sam wanted to pull her close and kiss her, right there.

“How’s the bread going?” she murmured, and Sam flushed, hoping she was dropping her voice so she’d have an excuse to draw even closer. The faint, sweet flowery smell of her shampoo wafted over Sam, that and the smell of sunshine that seemed to follow her wherever she went.

“Um, good,” they said, and their voice cracked. They cleared their throat. “Good. I think it just needs to sit… right?”

Edrissa beamed. “Right. We’ll let it rise, then place it in the pans. Speaking of.” She darted to the oven. “I should preheat this.”

Zachariah set the knife down on the counter and crossed to the stove. He steered clear of Edrissa as he slid the onions into the stew pot. She watched him carefully, her gaze following his hands. Her eyes flicked to his face and back, and she smiled again.

It would be so good if she liked him, too, Sam thought with a flush.

“Celery next?” Zachariah said, already crossing to the refrigerator.

“Yeah,” Edrissa said. She pulled three mugs down from the cupboard as Zachariah took a giant stalk of celery from the refrigerator and began to cut it into bite-sized pieces on the cutting board. Edrissa scooped three spoonfuls of chamomile into the tea strainers and set them each into the mugs.

“What’re you making us?” Vera said as she walked into the kitchen. Sam looked up at her and saw her smiling, wandering over to the stove. “Need any help?”

“Not yet,” Edrissa said. “Actually…” She glanced around the kitchen at Sam and Zachariah. “I think we might have it covered.”

“Fair enough,” Vera said with a nod. She turned and went to the barstools that stood along the counter that looked into the kitchen. She sat down with a groan.

“Where’s Tori?” Sam said as they gently placed the dough into a bowl and covered the bowl with a cloth.

“Reading,” Vera said with a shrug. “She wanted some alone time, so I’m out here harassing you.” She laughed. “Are you feeling harassed?”

“No,” Edrissa said, raising her eyebrows at Vera.

“Yes,” Sam said at the exact same time, throwing an impish grin Vera’s way.

Vera snorted and looked to Zachariah. “What about you, kid? You break the tie. Are you feeling harassed?”

Zachariah’s eyes went wide and his face went pale as he looked up at Vera. His gaze darted to Sam and Edrissa and back to Vera. He swallowed hard, his hand curling around a stalk of celery. “Um… y-yes?”

Vera burst out laughing and high-fived herself. “Mission accomplished,” she said with a smile.

Sam looked towards the back of the house as the door opened. They smiled as Isaac and Gavin wandered in, Isaac’s arm slung over Gavin’s shoulders. In the corner of the eye, they saw Zachariah tense and turn back towards the cutting board. Edrissa didn’t seem to bat an eye, but returned to Sam’s side, winding her arm around Sam’s waist and pressing a kiss to their cheek. Sam flushed as they pulled her close and kissed gently into her hair. Their flush deepened as they noticed Vera look at them – and then waggle her eyebrows at them with a wide grin on her face.

“How’s the lake?” Vera said from her seat at the counter.

Isaac drew his free hand through his hair and laughed. “Completely devoid of fish, as far as I can tell,” he said with a shrug. “At this point we’ve put lines down the whole way around the lake and caught nothing.”

“It doesn’t count if you’re making out the whole time and not watching the lines,” Vera said, and cocked an eyebrow at Isaac.

Isaac and Gavin both flushed an almost painful-looking red. Isaac opened his mouth to protest. “I…”

“Oh, just ignore her, Isaac,” Sam said good-naturedly, their arm still around Edrissa’s waist. “She’s been harassing us since she sat down.”

Vera idly chewed a fingernail. “Which, as I said, was my mission,” she said. “And I think I’m pulling it off beautifully. Who else am I supposed to bother if Tori’s not around?”

“Where’s Tori?” Isaac asked as he went to the sink and filled a cup with water. He drank the whole thing and filled it again.

Vera shrugged. “She wanted some time to herself. She’s reading. And I wanted to come bother you lovely people.”

“Lucky us,” Isaac grumbled, and shot a winning smile in Vera’s direction. “I think it might be worth it to talk to someone in Burmingham about stocking the lake. Having meat around would be good.”

Edrissa wrinkled her nose. “Oh, good. More fish.”

The kettle on the stove began to whistle. Edrissa left Sam’s side to go take it off and pour steaming water into the three cups on the counter. “I can make tea for you guys, too,” she said, and looked up at Vera, Isaac, and Gavin.

“No, no thanks,” Gavin said quietly, his cheeks still red. Isaac shook his head.

Vera smiled. “I’m okay, thanks,” she said.

Edrissa nodded and put the kettle back on the stovetop. She picked up two of the mugs. She took one to Sam, carefully passing it into their left had before she kissed them gently on the cheek again. Then she went to Zachariah’s side. He dwarfed her, standing as tall as Isaac, and broader in the shoulders and hips. Sam’s heart skipped as Edrissa handed him the cup, having to crane her head back to look up at him, her pale blonde hair looking almost like white gold against Zachariah’s warm brown skin. Sam’s throat bobbed as they swallowed, their mouth going dry at the thought they’d had ever since Zachariah appeared into their life again.

Maybe…

Zachariah smiled shyly at Edrissa as he took the cup. “Thanks, Edrissa,” he murmured. “You’re a sweetheart.”

The smile on Sam’s face disappeared. Their stomach lurched. Gavin and Vera both gasped.

Edrissa spun around to look at Vera, and her gaze drifted to Gavin. “W-we don’t say that word,” Edrissa said tightly.

Zachariah fell a step back, his hands still clutching the mug. He seemed to shrink before Sam’s eyes. “I’m… ‘m sorry,” he said through trembling lips. “I didn’t… I… I’m sorry.”

Sam glanced at Vera. She was staring at the counter, drawing in slow, deep breaths, her hands clenched into fists in front of her. She squeezed her eyes shut and rolled her neck, and Sam could hear it pop from across the kitchen. They chewed their lip.

Movement in the corner of their eye drew their gaze to Gavin. He stood huddled against Isaac’s side, his eyes wide and filled with horror – and staring right at Vera.

“Oh, fuck,” Gavin whispered.

Vera opened her eyes and blew out another breath through her lips. She met Gavin’s gaze. “Well,” she breathed. “That’s a fucking horrifying realization.”

Zachariah blinked and looked at Vera. “Wh-what? I’m… I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“It’s okay, you didn’t know,” Vera said evenly, but her hands shook as she clasped them together. She looked up at Gavin, and the pain in her eyes made Sam’s chest ache. “And I didn’t even… make the connection.”

“N-neither did I,” Gavin whimpered softly. His fingers tangled in Isaac’s shirt. Isaac pressed an anxious kiss against Gavin’s temple.

Sam wet their lips. “Um, Zachariah…” They walked to Zachariah’s side, standing just beside Edrissa. They could feel everyone’s gazes on their back. “We, um, don’t say that word because, um… that’s what Joseph Stormbeck used to call Vera when he… captured her.” They gently rested their hand on Zachariah’s arm, and felt Zachariah relax slightly under the touch. “And that’s what Colleen Stormbeck called Gavin while she, um…”

“My whole life,” Gavin said with a hollow voice. “That’s what she called me my whole life. That’s what she called all her playthings. And I never even… noticed.”

“I’m sorry,” Zachariah said in a small voice. “I’m sorry.” He drew himself up to his full height and looked at the others. Sam turned and saw Gavin still looking right at Vera, and she looked right back at him with a matching expression of horror and understanding. Sam’s hand slipped from Zachariah’s arm, and they flexed their fingers as their hand fell to their side. Edrissa’s eyes were fixed on Sam, a strange sort of sadness crossing her face.

Slowly, Vera pushed herself up from the barstool and crossed to Gavin’s side. Tears shone in Gavin’s eyes. Vera’s were dry, looking almost fevered. She held out a hand to Gavin.

Gavin slid from Isaac’s embrace and fell against Vera as she wrapped her arms around him and crushed him to her chest. He squeezed her tight and laid his head on her shoulder.

“Now we know,” Vera said heavily, her voice tight with tears.

“H-how did we… miss that?” Gavin said, and his voice broke.

Vera huffed out a broken laugh. “Don’t make me remind you this early in the afternoon that you’re a dumb—”

“I’m a dumbass,” Gavin grumbled against her shoulder. “I know.”

Isaac stepped forward and wrapped his arms around them both. “I’m… um… s-sorry,” he croaked. “For both of you. That they… hurt you that way.”

Vera sniffed and pulled away from them both. She still held Gavin by his shoulders. “Yeah,” she said weakly.

Zachariah shifted his feet next to Sam. “So… so they… Gavin, you…”

“Yeah,” Gavin said, and swiped at his eyes. “I mean, I knew she… used me, but I didn’t realize… she…” He cleared his throat. “Um…” He blew out a slow breath, and shrugged out of Vera’s grip. “Isaac… I’m going to go, um, change.”

Isaac met Gavin’s gaze, and Sam’s heart ached at the pain they saw there. He always blames himself. He always feels like he has to fix it.

Isaac nodded. “Okay. Do you want—”

“I just need a minute,” Gavin rasped, and sidestepped Isaac. He disappeared down the hall, with Isaac looking after him.

When Isaac finally looked away from the hallway, he turned to Vera. “Do you…?” He held out his hands to her.

“Yeah, sure,” Vera said brusquely, and dragged Isaac into a crushing hug.

At Sam’s side, Zachariah crossed his arms over his chest and looked at the floor. “Is there, um… any, anything else I shouldn’t say?”

Sam glanced at Edrissa. “Edrissa… Do you—”

“Honey,” she said with a tremulous voice. She set her jaw. “They called me ‘honey’.”

Zachariah nodded.

Sam wet their lips. “And… please don’t call me, um… Sammy,” Sam said, looking up at him, their heart speeding up as his light brown eyes found theirs. They glanced to Edrissa, and to Vera and Isaac, who had let go of each other and now stood close enough that their shoulders were touching. “Guys, can you think of anything…?”

“I think that about covers it,” Vera said, a hint of bitterness in her voice. “I mean, I’m guessing we’ll be finding shit like this for a while.” She fixed Zachariah with her gaze, and he seemed to wither under it. “But it’s not your fault, kid. Okay?”

Zachariah swallowed loudly. “Um…”

“It’s not,” Sam said gently, finding their own hand once again settling on his shoulder. “We all make mistakes with this stuff, and you didn’t know.”

Zachariah’s mouth twisted. “But I do now,” he said. He looked at Edrissa as she crossed to Sam’s side and tucked herself under their unslinged arm. “And I’ll… I’ll remember.”

Sam nodded at Zachariah, and turned to look at Edrissa. She was looking at them both with a sad, wistful smile on her face.

Continued here

@untilthepainstarts, @womping-grounds, @free-2bmee, @quirkykayleetam, @walkingchemicalfire, @inpainandsuffering, @redwingedwhump, @burtlederp, @castielamigos-whump-side-blog, @whatwhumpcomments, @cursedscribbles, @whumpywhumper, @stxck-fxck, @omega-em-z-02, @whumps-the-word, @justwhumpitwhumpitgood, @justplainwhump, @moose-teeth, @slaintetowhump, @finder-of-rings, @inky-whump, @thatsthewhump, @orchidscript, @insanitywishes, @this-mightaswell-happen, @newandfiguringitout, @whumpkitty, @pretty-face-breaker, @cinnamonflavoredhugs, @inaridriscoll, @im-just-here-for-the-whump, @endless-whump, @grizzlie70, @oops-its-whump

#honor bound 5 #angst #permanent injury tw #chronic pain tw #mild implied spice tw #PTSD tw #accidental triggering tw #past captivity #Colleen Stormbeck is her own content warning #child abuse tw #Edrissa rants about pretty things #the throuple #Isaac/Gavin #Vera and Gavin: the friendship we didn't know we needed

42 notes · View notes

you-can-wear-my-face · 4 years ago

Text

Thomas Hewitt/Selectively mute!Reader, part 5

Summary: The Sheriff picks you up after you broke down on the side of the road. You know this can’t end well, but he makes you an offer you can’t refuse; use your nursing skills to heal the giant man he brings you to, and you can go free. Unfortunately for you, he obviously needs more than a nurse. (And how can you be sure he’ll really let you go when ‘Thomas’ is healed?)

Content Warning: Female reader, cannibalism, mild violence/references to violence, veiled reference to rape, period-typical homophobia. (PLEASE NOTE: These are not my feelings on homosexuality, and in context, Luda Mae is relatively open-minded for her time period, but I’d consider it mildly homophobic by today’s standards. No slurs are used, but I’m tagging for safety.)

A/N: We’re switching perspective, but maintaining 2nd person narration. I think it should be clear, but let me know if anything is confusing. This is only my second attempt at writing in 2nd person.

Part Four

Part One

In the kitchen, while you were upstairs tending to Thomas, Luda Mae stood at the kitchen cutting board, slicing tomatoes. Hoyt came up behind her with a package of meat, a shaky “S” scribbled on the brown paper for “sausage”. Thomas may not have been literate, but the family knew his brand of shorthand and that was all that mattered.

Hoyt laid the package on the counter beside her, then leaned his weight on one elbow. “What’re you thinking, Mamma?” She glanced at him, mouth pursed. Her gaze drifted upstairs, and Hoyt sniffed derisively. “Don’t tell me you’re thinking what I think you’re thinking.”

She stilled her hand, resting the tip of the blade on the cutting board. It gleamed in the harsh light of the late afternoon sun spilling in through the window. “Where was she going, I wonder,” she asked aloud.

“Don’t matter. She ain’t ever getting there,” Hoyt replied.

“Think she’s got any family that’d come snooping for her?” Anyone she would miss? Anyone that would miss her?

Hoyt grumbled. “Ain’t ever mattered before. I don’t know why it’d matter now.” He gave her another pointed look. She just shrugged and resumed slicing. The knife slipped through the tomato so easily the flesh never so much as bruised. Thomas made sure his Mamma’s knives were never dull. Such a good boy....

“Brave little thing, isn’t she?” Luda Mae observed aloud.

He grunted. “She’s meat—soon as Tommy’s back on his feet. So don’t go getting attached. Ain’t like we need another mouth to feed.”

“It’d be useful. Having a nurse.”

“She ain’t family.”

“She wouldn’t be the first adopted Hewitt.” Or she could marry into the family, but Luda Mae didn’t want to give Charlie any bad ideas.

He snorted. “Oh, yeah? How good do you think she is with a chainsaw?” Luda Mae glared at him, but he returned the look with upraised brows. “She ain’t family, Mamma. What makes you think she’ll be willing to do what needs doing?”

“The girl ain’t a stranger to hardship. She’d understand.”

“Now, how do you figure that?”

She didn’t bother trying to explain to him. “Call it woman’s intuition.”

He snorted, a little smirk quirking his mouth. “Woman’s intuition, huh?” His tongue fumbled over the word ‘intuition’, but he managed to convey his derision nonetheless. “Guess we’ll see, won’t we?” He lifted his chin, scratching the underside of his jaw. “Sure is pretty, at least. I wouldn’t mind getting better acquainted—“ Luda Mae whirled around, knife uplifted. “Jesus, Mamma! What the hell’s wrong with you?!” His eyes were focused on the blade’s tip, mere inches from his nose.

“You’re gonna leave that girl alone.”

“What does it matter? She’s meat.”

“Not while she’s treating Thomas she ain’t!” Luda Mae lifted her chin, eyes fierce as she held the knife with an ease that came from long practice. “You leave that girl alone. Whether she ends up at the table or on it, you ain’t gonna touch a hair on her head. Not ‘til Tommy’s well. You got that, Charlie?” she emphasized his name, earning a disgruntled sigh.

Ultimately, though, he nodded. “Yeah, yeah. I got it.” He looked away, arms crossed. “Girl’s already puttin’ maggots on his chest. Can’t see how she could make it much worse for him, but I won’t give her a reason to. Happy?”

“I’ll be happy if you keep your word. And you watch your tongue—the good Lord didn’t die so you could use his name like that.”

“Don’t go pointing knives at my face, and I won’t!” he said, already leaving the room.

“Where’re you going?” she asked.

“Talk to Monty about our guest.” Under his breath, he added, “If I ain’t allowed to have fun with her, then he ain’t either.”

Luda Mae shook her head. “Men,” she grumbled. It might be nice to have another woman in the house. Henrietta and Kathy were fine friends—practically family—but it wasn’t the same as having another woman in the home. Especially if you took to Tommy.

Tommy’d always been so shy. If he’d ever had a crush on a girl—or even another boy; Luda Mae might have, initially, disapproved of such a thing, but if Tommy ever found a boy to love, she imagined she could find it in herself to accept him—he never said ‘boo’ about it. Poor boy was probably too shy to act on his feelings, if he even allowed himself to acknowledge them. Besides, the kids he’d gone to school with had been so cruel to him. It was no wonder her sweet, sensitive boy had been too timid to approach any of them.

But you....

You barely seemed to notice his facial scarring. You treated him like he was just another patient—even after Hoyt had kidnapped you. You weren’t squeamish, and you’d even said good people could be driven to do bad things despite themselves. You seemed ideal.

Luda Mae wasn’t going to get her hopes up—disappointment was too close a companion—but it seemed a shame to dismiss this opportunity or to sabotage it. She’d keep Charlie away from you, and he’d make sure Monty minded his manners. The rest would be up to you and Tommy.

She tilted the cutting board over the pan, dumping tomatoes in amongst the diced onions, already sizzling. Then she opened the package of sausage, breaking it up into bite-sized pieces to brown. Her nose curled a little at the unpleasant smell—not quite like boar taint, but closer than she was comfortable with. She wished for a little thyme or oregano, but settled for rosemary. The hearty shrub didn’t mind the Texan heat, unlike the more delicate herbs the family could no longer afford.

She wondered, as she ground the fresh rosemary between her fingers, if you were more like that hearty shrub, or if you were too delicate to withstand their way of life.

Well. They’d find out soon enough.

#thomas hewitt #thomas hewitt/reader #female reader #luda mae #sheriff hoyt #charlie hewitt #selectively mute reader #texas chainsaw massacre #leatherface #leatherface/reader

112 notes · View notes

ohmightydevviepuu · 4 years ago

Text

the last test and proof / part four

oh hey hai guess what we’re still here celebrating @profdanglaisstuff. A VERY MERRY UNBIRTHDAY, etc. ❤

@katie-dub and @thisonesatellite again deserve thanks for their insights, as ever. @shireness-says and the NO! CURSE! RENAISSANCE!!

part one | part two | part three | AO3

Things Emma and Hook Haven’t Talked About Yet:

1 - Neal 2 - The time she’d left him with a giant 3 - The time he’d left her in a cell 4 - Milah 5 - True. Love’s. Kiss.

The time he left her in a cell.

Okay, but.

Hook had left her. He’d left her, locked her in a cell and she could still hear the malice in his voice, the way it dripped from every letter, from every syllable. Emma closed her eyes and could hear it, the bite and the anger when he said, The time for that is done.

When Emma looked into his eyes and understood exactly what her mistake might cost her.

Just as I am done with you.

She rolled over, the sheet slipping away from her in the bed that wasn’t hers, sunlight streaming in through the open curtains, and waited. She waited for that feeling, that feeling in the pit of her stomach that always told her to run--but there was only the feeling she got when she thought she’d have to leave, like she was missing something. Home.

Emma got up from the bed and looked for her jeans on the floor, her jeans and her shirt and her underwear, and thought again about the qualities of a werewolf’s hearing because she was in one of the rooms at the B&B, the room that--apparently--Granny had given to Killian so he could “use the facilities” or whatever, like Emma even believed that.

Granny had a crush and Granny liked to look and Granny totally had a plan and they had played right into it which was fine. Great, even. Orgasm(s) and Feelings and she had kissed him and she hadn’t made out with someone like that since--ever, god, just lying there and feeling the other person against her as the kisses went from sweet to sexy and back again, her heart pounding as his eyelashes brushed against her cheeks and she felt the softness of his hair in her fingers.

Killian was gone but there was a note on the table with a little swan drawn at the top and the words i’ll return soon, please stay as long as you like and a little hook drawn underneath and next to the note was a cup of coffee mixed with exactly the right sugar-to-coffee ratio and a generous splash of milk. It was still hot.

Neal had never learned how she took her coffee.

Speak of the devil: Neal was in the diner, in a booth with their son and a plate of French fries between them. Emma watched them and couldn’t stop herself imagining the same scene playing out with Killian at the table, probably teaching Henry how to cheat at dice or poker or whatever games pirates played when they gambled. She couldn’t stop herself imagining another version of the scene, between Hook and Baelfire on the decks of the Jolly Roger where he’d apparently stayed for a time in Neverland.

Teaching him to fight with a cutlass that sat in his cabin some two hundred years later.

Neither of them ever talked about it, but Hook had taught Neal to sail and to play cards and to pick locks, never break in without a plan to break out and all of that; Hook had cared for him, maybe even loved him. Knew him well enough to decipher the drawings on the cave wall, port and starboard and a hook and an abandoned accounting of time when all hope was lost. Only that last one Killian knew the same way Emma knew, from painful personal experience. The look you get when you’ve been left alone.

They were--all of them--sentimental; Killian with the cutlass and Baelfire with his scrawled memories and Emma with the weight of an old keychain around her neck like an albatross.

They were, all of them, Lost Ones.

Emma slid into the booth next to Henry and grabbed a fry. (Wondered if Killian knew she preferred onion rings.) Met Neal’s look as it shifted from a smile to something less pleasant--yes, Neal, sex hair was a thing, too bad they so rarely got to do it in a real bed with so many orgasms; Emma smirked and raised her eyebrow.

Henry, smart kid that he was, excused himself to go to the counter and sit with Ruby, climbing over the divider in his haste to escape.

“Jesus, Em,” Neal muttered.

“Don’t be a dick, Neal,” Emma snapped.

“Fine,” he said. “Fine, how about I just break into your room and--”

“I was right about her.”

“That doesn’t make it okay,” Neal said.

“None of this is okay,” Emma said. “You showing up here acting like Henry’s father--”

“I am Henry’s father!”

“Do you even care at all about me, what it’s like for me having you here, the mess it’s making with Regina--”

“So the Evil Queen gets a say?”

“She’s his mother,” Emma said, exasperated. “He loves her.”

“And Hook? You don’t know what I know about him.”

“So tell me. Tell me what happened.”

Neal ran his hand through his hair and looked around and said, “Emma, he killed my mother.”

Emma’s response was immediate. “No, he didn’t.”

“As good as--he might as well have torn her heart out himself!”

“Seriously?”

“He wanted to kill my father,” Neal said. “He tore my family apart.”

“Neal.” Emma tipped her head to the side. “You know that’s not true. Your family--they were a disaster. They left you. Both of them. You told me that.”

“So that’s how it is now,” Neal said. “A good screw and you’re just--”

“Fuck you, Neal.”

“--is that what he told you, now you’re just making excuses for what he did, apologizing for him after--”

“Wait, what?”

“Come on, Emma, you know he tried to pull this with me the other day. He wanted to talk. About his regrets or some bullshit. You know I wished we could have been a family, Bae.” Neal rolled his eyes and suddenly Emma knew exactly what happened.

Not on the Jolly Roger. Only Neal and Killian would ever truly know that, but--in the cells.

And, well, maybe on the Jolly Roger. Because this--this was what Neal did: he lashed out, he pushed, he blamed everyone but himself. It’s what she did, too, and once upon a time it had been something they’d had in common, that fuck-the-world mentality.

And Killian--he’d pushed back. Let his anger overtake him, because that’s what he did, that’s how he coped, how he covered up his hurt and his pride and that’s what she’d seen in his eyes when he’d looked at her all just as I am done with you.

Disappointment.

And it was so easy, wasn’t it, to play down to expectations; Hook left her because she left him and now--

“Neal,” she said. “I can’t live in the past anymore.”

“You’re never going to forgive me, are you?”

“No. I’m not.” Emma shrugged. “The time for that--it’s done. You know that. I want to stop running.”

“You think Captain Hook is going to stay here, with you?”

She did. She believed.

The door opened and every head in the diner turned.

Not Emma’s. She didn’t look away from Neal, couldn’t, really, not before she said this: “No, Neal. I believe that Killian Jones is going to stay here. With me.”

And then she turned and the fry in her hand dropped onto the plate and her mouth fell open because Killlian-fucking-Jones had just walked into the diner like he’d stepped off of the pages of, like, GQ or something--in perfectly-fitted blue jeans and black boots and a red partially-unbuttoned Henley under a black vest and a black leather blazer.

A leather blazer.

And Emma didn’t miss the coat at all because--that view, it deserved to be on display. Wow. Did it ever. Granny was gonna break her neck, seriously.

Killian Jones walked in, not Captain Hook, and Tink trailed in behind him clutching a bag in her hand and looked around and saw Emma and winked and waved and gave her a smile, all, It’s good, right and fuck, yeah. It was. Killian turned back to Tink and followed the direction she was looking and saw her with Neal and Emma didn’t even think.

She left the French fry on its plate and stood up and walked straight over to him and this part would get easier, right? They’d figure out the routine and the comfort level but right now she just wanted to touch him, to let him know that she was there.

She understood.

She’d already known but now he was there in the clothes and she understood.

“Hello, beautiful,” she said and watched the smile blossom on his face.

Killian Jones was going to stay here. With her.

@optomisticgirl @spartanguard @kmomof4 @stahlop @carpedzem @karl0ta @captain-emmajones @mariakov81 @therealstartraveller776 @klynn-stormz @withaheartfulloflove @gingerchangeling @scientificapricot

#cs fic #3b divergence #no curse renaissance

42 notes · View notes

possiblyawesometmblr · 4 years ago

Text

Unus Annus: A Complete Ranked List

well, now that every single video has been released, i’ve compiled them all into a complete ranked list, from best video to worst! this took way longer than it had any right to. (also, please note this is just my opinion, and in all honesty, this list was really hard because so many of these videos are fantastic. you could tell me that you’d rearrange anything in the 50-250 range and i’d probably agree with you.)

And if you don’t feel like going through the whole list, here’s Unus Annus ranked by month!

If the video is in: Top 50: 5 points 51 - 100: 4 points 101 - 150: 3 points 151 - 200: 2 points 201 - 250: 1 point 251 - 300: 0 points 300 or below: -1 point (Any ties settled by which month had the highest ranking video overall.)

November: 93 October: 72 December:70 September: 66 February: 66 August: 63 June: 60 January: 59 July: 53 May: 43 March: 37 April: 1

The Truth of Unus Annus (Oct. 31st)

Ethan Finally Becomes a MAN (Jan. 10th)

Phasmophobia in Real Life (Oct. 25th)

Mark and Ethan Attempt an Escape Room (Dec. 6th)

Hunting HeeHoo (Aug. 29th)

DIY Geriatric Simulator (Jan. 18th)

Recreating Every Single Unus Annus Video (Nov. 4th)

Mark Teaches Ethan to Read with Hooked On Phonics (Jun 6th)

Ethan Gives Mark a Viking Funeral (Dec. 9th)

Cooking with Sex Toys (Nov. 15th)

Mark Reviews the Impossible Burger But There’s a Looming Sense of Impending Doom (Dec. 13th)

Helium Therapy (Nov. 29th)

2 Truths and 1 Lie -- Waxing Edition (Nov. 26th)

Ethan Will Be Kicked in the Balls (Nov. 22nd)

Being Brutally Honest With Each Other (Nov. 3rd)

Would Chica Save Us From Drowning? (Jul. 24th)

Mark and Ethan are Now Fathers (Mar. 22)

Ethan Kidnapped Mark (Oct. 30th)

Mark’s Outdoor Escape Room (Aug. 28th)

The Unus Annus Last Supper (Nov. 2nd)

Mark and Ethan Go Casket Shopping (Jan. 11th)

The Sensory Overload Tank (Jan. 7th)

Mark and Ethan Summon a Ghost (Nov. 25th)

Mark Knows What Ethan Did… (Sep. 22nd)

Pee Sauna (Jun 17th)

We Made Nude Paintings of Each Other (Dec. 14th)

All of Our Video Ideas that Never Happened (Nov. 5th)

Mark Teaches Ethan How to March in a Marching Band (Sep. 4th)

Hiding Our Sins From Amy’s Holy Peepers (Jan. 2nd)

Our Perfect (and last) Valentine’s Day (Feb. 14th)

The Barrel - Official Music Video (Mar. 9th)

Edward Pumpkin Hands (Oct. 26th)

This Video Is Completely Unedited (Oct. 17th)

Ethan Teaches Mark How to Swim (Jun. 28th)

The Unus Annus Annual Sleepover (Nov. 12th)

Everything’s Legal if You’re Dead (Nov. 10th)

Harnessing Our Dogs’ Unlimited Energy (Dec. 23rd)

2 Grown Men Attempt the Presidential Fitness Test (Dec. 31st)

Learning to Breathe Underwater (Jan. 13th)

Playing Children’s Games in Total Darkness (Aug. 17th)

The Unus Annus Annual Costume Contest (Oct. 28th)

Saying Goodbye to All Our Guests (Nov. 9th)

We Got Pepper Sprayed (Mar. 10th)

The Cryptid Olympics (Oct. 24th)

Mark and Ethan Get Into a Fight (Mar. 8th)

Mark Punishes Ethan (Jan. 27th)

Ethan Watches as Mark Achieves the Impossible (Sep. 29th)

Drunk College Party Simulator (Feb. 15th)

God’s Fitness Test (Nov. 8th)

3 Big Boys Attempt the King’s Royal Fitness Test (Feb. 18th)

The Beginning of the End (Jul. 26th)

Mark Cooks Blindfolded While Ethan Guides Him Through FaceTime (May 22nd)

Pitching a Tent in the Woods But There’s a Bear 15 Feet Away (Aug. 22nd)

We Forced James Charles to Run a Military Obstacle Course (Mar. 23rd)

We Tried a Labor Pain Simulator (Mar. 20th)

The Bad Kind of Cupping (Nov. 20th)

Ethan Destroys Mark’s Van with a Bat (Dec. 7th)

Duct Tape Crucifixion (Amy, Please Don’t Watch This Video) (Dec. 29th)

A Bear Attacked Us in the Middle of the Night (Aug. 24th)

Mark and Ethan Look at a Puppy for 10 Minutes (Jul 7th)

Building the World’s First IKEA Boat (Jun 27th)

Goat Yoga (Feb. 22nd)

10 Strange Amazon Products Ethan Bought Mark Because He Doesn’t Know How To Spend Money Responsibly (Feb. 16th)

Top 10 Worst Things Your Friend Could Possibly Spend Their Money On (Feb 29th)

Fixing Mark’s Hole with Ramen But Every Time We Add Glue We Get 5% Closer to God (Jan. 14th)

Being Attacked By a Fully Trained Bodyguard Dog (Feb. 19th)

Preserving Ourselves in Wax (Dec. 26th)

Santa’s Mukbang (Drinking 1 Gallon of Eggnog) (Dec. 24th)

The Unus Annus Space Program (Jul 11th)

Ethan Explores Mark’s Haunted Basement (Dec. 17th)

Dummy THICC for Dummies | A Tale of Two Butts | Pushing Our Butts Even Further Beyond (Jul. 4th)

DIY Bungee Jump (please don’t try this) (Jan. 4th)

Unregulated Axe Throwing (Feb. 7th)

Making the Ultimate Unus Annus Burger (Sep. 15th)

How to Rescue a Cat from a Tree (Aug. 23rd)

Beer Sauna: Turning a Portable Sauna Into a Portable Hell (Mar. 16th)

The End of Unus Annus Is Almost Here… (May 15th)

We Accidentally Made an SCP While Amy Was Away (Sep. 13th)

We Play The Newlywed Game While Consuming That Which Will Kill the Other (May 23rd)

Building IKEA’s Hardest Piece of Furniture Without Instructions (Jun 18th)

Recharging Our Phones Using Only Brute Strength (Jul. 30th)

Eating Only Onions for 24 Hours: How Many Onions Does It Take to Kill a Man? (May 8th)

The Candy Bra Challenge (Jul 6th)

We Bought Every Grinch Costume on Ebay (Oct. 13th)

Only UNUS-es/ANNUS-es May Watch This Video (May 28th)

Only Watch From 2:25-6:11 --- DO NOT WATCH ANY OTHER PART OF THIS VIDEO (May 29th)

We Force Mark to Swim in the Ocean (HIS GREATEST FEAR) (Oct. 22nd)

Recreating The Miracle of Childbirth (Mar. 21st)

Making Our Own Sensory Deprivation Tank (Nov. 18th)

Turning Mark into an E-Boy (Feb. 2nd)

The First Annual Unus Annus Roast (Nov. 7th)

Reacting to Your Hilarious Green Screen Memes (Jun 5th)

The Ultimate Trolley Problem (Feb. 21st)

We Looked at Unus Annus Memes (Apr. 30th)

Exploring the Unus Annus Subreddit for Your Delicious Memes (May 16th)

BLACK LIVES MATTER: Resources and How You Can Help In The Description (Jun 2nd)

The Chubby Gummy Challenge (Dec. 4th)

Who Can Teach Their Dog a Trick the Fastest? (Mar. 5th)

Taped and Afraid (Dec. 20th)

We Played Strip Poker (May 20th)

Consuming the World’s Hottest Chip (Sep. 30th)

Mark and Ethan Learn About the Human Body (Jan. 26th)

1 Man 100 Accents (Dec. 1st)

Mark Steals Ethan’s Face (Jan. 15th)

Chickens Teach Us About Life and Death (Feb. 17th)

We Lubed Our Floor for a Sliding Competition (Aug. 3rd)

Mark Conquers His Fear of Night Swimming (Oct. 11th)

The Ultimate Paper Airplane Showdown (Jun 20th)

We Pierced Each Other’s Ears (Sep. 11th)

Crushing Watermelons Betwixt Our Mighty Thighs (Jun 3rd)

7 Minutes in Heaven | 7 Minutes in Hell (Nov. 11th)

Two Men in a Trench Coat Teach You How to Save Money at the Movies (Jun 26th)

Having an Adventure in VRChat Because We Can’t Go Outside (Mar. 27th)

Preparing a 5-Star Meal for Our YouTube Famous Dogs (Jul. 16th)

Mark and Ethan Shave Chica (Aug. 8th)

The Wubble (Aug. 7th)

How to Start a Fire (except don’t…) (Aug. 27th)

Unus Annus (Nov. 15th)

This Is Goodbye (Aug. 5th)

Puberty Simulator (Aug. 13th)

This Video Went Completely Out of Control (Oct. 1st)

This Video Will Never Make Sense (Sep. 23rd)

Blowing Our Souls into Some Hot Glass (Feb. 28th)

We Attempted to Create THICC Water (May 10th)

Brick Soccer (Sep. 19th)

Accepting the Truth (Nov. 1st)

Drinking Real THICC Water...How Bad Does It Taste? (May 19th)

How Far Can We Chuck a 16lbs Rock? (Sep. 10th)

Recreating Ourselves as a Cursed Mannequin (Jan. 8th)

Recreating Childhood Photos (Jun 13th)

Nutball: The Most Dangerous Game (Feb. 10th)

Mark Teaches Ethan How to Play the Trumpet (Aug. 1st)

How to Safely Bury Your Friend (Aug. 25th)

Mark Breaks His Nose on an Aerial Hoop (Oct. 4th)

DIY Bed of Nails: OH GOD, PLEASE DON’T EVER TRY THIS (Jul. 20th)

Pee Soda (Sep. 17th)

We Had to Drink Each Other’s Pee (Dec. 16th)

Creating Mark FISHbach (Jun 21st)

Making Our Own Gravestones to Prepare for Our Inevitable Demise (May 11th)

We Made Fanart for Each Other (Jun 11th)

Bear Trapping 101: An Elegant Knot for an Elegant Beast (Jun 25th)

Pressure Washing Our Sins Away (Oct. 21st)

Literally Finding a Needle in a Haystack (Oct. 8th)

We Ate Dog Treats so You Don’t Have To (Sept. 12th)

Giving Away Our 1,000,000 Subscriber Gold Play Button (Dec. 18th)

2 Idiots Get Crushed By 18-Ft Giant Snakes (Mar. 15th)

We Cryogenically Freeze Ourselves (Jan. 20th)

DO NOT OPEN UNTIL 2080 (May 27th)

Fighting Fish to the Death in the Deep Blue Sea (Oct. 23rd)

DIY Teeth (Jul. 17th)

We Attempt to Make UNHOLY Water (Sep. 24th)

We Attempt to Make Holy Water (Sep. 20th)

DIY Cheese (Jan. 29th)

Making an Indoor Tornado to Flex on Mother Nature (Feb. 9th)

Literally Eating Fire (Feb. 6th)

2 Absolute Beginners Experience the Dancing Glory that is Salsa (Jan. 17th)

Team Building for 2: Trust Fall, Tug-of-War, and More! (Aug. 26th)

The Great Ice Cream Cake Race (Sep. 27th)

The Unus Annus Confessional Booth (May 26th)

Blood Bath (Oct. 27th)

2 Dirty Boys Wash Their Filthy Mouths Out With Soap (Jun. 30th)

Who Can Make Themselves Taller? (Jan. 6th)

Mark and Ethan Share a Drink (Aug. 6th)

2 Adults Take a 4th Grade Math Test (Sep. 6th)

Bobbing for Literally Anything But Apples (Oct. 16th)

Momiplier Teaches Self Defense (Aug. 15th)

The Human Mop (Jul. 21st)

We Attempt Pottery Without Amy’s Help (Sep. 8th)

Becoming One With the Horse (Jun 19th)

Wikifeet: A Tale of Two Tootsies (Apr. 4th)

We Found Websites That the World Forgot About (Apr. 11th)

1 Gallon of Jello Nearly Broke Us (Aug. 20th)

We Finally Drank Our DIY Wine (Sep. 5th)

We Do It Better Than Icarus Ever Could (Jul. 25th)

We Turned Our Bodies Into Art (Jan. 25th)

You Blink, You Lose (Dec. 30th)

Can You Bake a Cookie from Cookie Dough Ice Cream? (Jul. 13th)

Mark Turns Ethan into a Mummy to Prepare Him for the Great Beyond (Dec. 3rd)

Ethan Turns Mark Into a Werewolf (Oct. 29th)

Making Soda with Literally Anything But Soda (Sep. 16th)

Dunking Oreos in Literally Anything But Milk (Jul. 15th)

Making Snow Cones With Literally Anything But Normal Flavors (Sep. 7th)

How Many Slaps Does it Take to Cook a Chicken? (Sep. 2nd)

Play Doh Thanksgiving (Nov. 28th)

Hot Dog’d to Death (Nov. 17th)

Mark and Ethan Build a Scarecrow (Oct. 20th)

Transforming Mark into the Eighth Wonder of the World (Aug. 16th)

Unus Annus Try Pole Dancing (Jul 8th)

Mark Teaches Ethan to Wrestle (Sep. 28th)

Ethan Teaches Mark Gymnastics (Sep. 26th)

Who’s Cutting Onions in Here? (Nov. 6th)

How to Escape from a Hostage Situation (Jul. 18th)

Are We Already Dead? (Feb. 13th)

Bored? Press This Button (Apr. 27th)

Judging Your Terrible Unus Annus Ideas (Aug. 10th)

This is for FUN and NOT a Fetish (Oct. 10th)

This is What Being Tased Feels Like (Jan. 21st)

Learning the Ancient Art of Chinese Archery (Feb. 20th)

Tearing a Phone Book in Half With Our Huge Manly Hands (May 31st)

Beating Inanimate Objects to Death (Dec. 27th)

Edible Slime was a Mistake. (Feb. 23rd)

We Eat Bugs (Jan. 3rd)

Amy Sent Us a Mystery Box (Sep. 21st)

Hydro Dipping a Baby (Aug. 11th)

The Egg Smashing Game (Jul. 12th)

BEYBLADE NUTBALL (Sep. 14th)

Discussing the Idea of Murdering Each Other But It’s Just a Joke and Definitely Not Serious Haha (Feb. 12th)

Mark is Guilty. Ethan Has the Proof. (Jul 1st)

Learning How to Lockpick (FBI Please Don’t Watch) (Jun 22nd)

Mark Needs to Rub Ethan and Only His Mom Can Help Him (Mar. 14th)

Learning to Use the Force (Sep. 18th)

The Secret Unus Annus No-Touchy-Touchy Hand Shake (Apr. 25th)

We Google Each Other to Find Our Darkest Forgotten Sins (Apr. 6th)

Shooting Archery ON A HORSE (Oct. 6th)

Ethan Redefines Male Beauty (Feb. 3rd)

Ethan Roasts Mark for 15 Minutes Straight (Jun 7th)

Playing Cards: The World’s Deadliest Weapon (Aug. 2nd)

Morphing Our Bodies Into Superhero Poses (Jun 4th)

Becoming a Master of Mime (Feb. 11th)

This is the Most Dangerous Children’s Toy Ever Made (Jul. 23rd)

A Serious Conversation Under the Stars (Jul. 29th)

Is Mark a Masochist? (May 1st)

Literally Laying On Literal Broken Glass (Feb. 8th)

Bad, Bad Beans (Jan. 23rd)

DIY Wine (May 30th)

2 Men 200 Accents (Apr. 18th)

DIY Boob (May 24th)

Mark and Ethan Go On a Drum Date (Feb. 27th)

10 Miracle Products to Give YOU the Thiccest Jaw On Planet Earth (Jun. 29th)

Ultimate Horseshoes (Jul. 28th)

Mark and Ethan Get a Full Body Scan to See What Secrets Lay Hidden Within (and learn their body fat) (Mar. 13th)

Acupuncture is NOT Painful (Dec. 11th)

What the Hell is a Pink Trombone? (May 2nd)

Donating Toys to Charity w/ Jacksepticeye (Dec. 22nd)

Poopsie Sparkly Critters (a slime surprise…) (Nov. 27th)

The Great Meat Mistake (Dec. 10th)

DIY Minesweeper (Oct. 7th)

Popping Popcorn with a High Powered Laser (Aug. 12th)

Bobbing for Apples but the Water Keeps Getting Thiccer (Oct. 3rd)

We Buy a Professional Hypnosis Video and React to It (Dec. 5th)

Long Hair, Do We Dare? (Feb. 25th)

Recreating Mark’s Childhood (Jul. 2nd)

Professional Fire Cupping (Going Even Further Beyond) (Feb. 4th)

An Extremely Sour, Not-at-All Sour Meal (Feb. 5th)

Purging Our Sins with a Neti Pot (Nov. 16th)

Attempting to Build IKEA Furniture Without Instructions (Jun 9th)

The Annual Unus Annus Dunk Contest (Jul. 27th)

Our Fans Try to Scare Us With Their Homemade Creepypasta (Jun 12th)

There’s Something Horribly Wrong With This Picture… (June 8th)

Too Many Pickles (Aug. 21st)

5 Products to Grow Your Patchy Beard (Jul. 31st)

What is the Least Viewed Video on YouTube? (Apr. 10th)

Baby Hands Operation (Nov. 24th)

Mark Builds a Pillow Fort for the Very First Time (Apr. 2nd)

Are Reptilian Humanoids Living Among Us? (May 6th)

Mark and Ethan Bet Everything on a Wikipedia Race (Apr. 15th)

We Will Churn Thy Butter (Sep. 25th)

We Take a Lie Detector Test to Uncover Our Darkest Sins (Jan. 12th)

Drawing on Each Other’s Backs in Total Darkness (Oct. 9th)

Drawing Memes from Memory (Nov. 30th)

We Made Every YouTuber Battle in the Hunger Games (Apr. 5th)

Ultimate YouTuber Boxing Showdown (Mar. 30th)

Tasting Weird Food Combos: Pickles and Chocolate? Ice Cream and Soy Sauce? (Jul 10th)

How to NOT be the Perfect Boyfriend (Apr. 13th)

Help Us Break a YouTube World Record (Apr. 17th)

Momiplier Tells Us True Scary Stories from Korea (Oct. 18th)

DO NOT TRY THIS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (Aug. 9th)

The Most Dangerous Shave (Jun 23rd)

We Took the Polar Plunge (Jan. 1st)

2 Complete Amateurs Enter a Body Building Competition (Jun 1st)

Does This Magnetic Skincare Routine Really Work? (Jul. 19th)

Mark and Ethan Milk a Goat (Oct. 5th)

Pumpkin Spice “Challenge” (Oct. 19th)

Doing Each Other’s Makeup in the Dark (Nov. 23rd)

We’re Better Than Dogs (Aug. 18th)

We Have the Best Bellies on YouTube (May 25th)

The Good Kind of Cupping (Nov. 19th)

Hacking the Very Fabric of the Universe (Jan. 30th)

Where in the World is Unus Annus? (Apr. 1st)

Mark and Ethan Become United States Citizens (Jun 10th)

Mark and Ethan Desperately Attempt to Feel Something (May 4th)

We Took an IQ Test (Jan. 9th)

Mark Teaches Ethan Korean (May 13th)

Lost Omegle Video (Mar. 31st)

Finding the Most Cursed Image on the Internet (Jun 15th)

Amazon Shopping for the Apocalypse (Mar. 28th)

Desperately Trying Not to Touch Our Faces (Mar. 24th)

Going on an Internet Scavenger Hunt (Mar. 26th)

Reading YOUR Scariest True Stories (Apr. 21st)

The Scariest True Stories on the Internet (Apr. 12th)

REAL Ghost Hunting At An Abandoned Zoo (March 2nd)

Bleachus Annus (Jul. 14th)

Pumpkin Taste Tier List (Oct. 14th)

Floating in a Real Sensory Deprivation Tank (Dec. 12th)

Was 2020 a Bad Year for Unus Annus? (Aug. 30th)

Speed Reading 1000+ WPM to Gain a Complete Understanding of All Human Knowledge (Apr. 9th)

We Give Each Other Tattoos Blindfolded (Mar. 11th)

Mark’s 1 Weird Talent Leaves Ethan Absolutely Speechless (Apr. 3rd)

Learning to Jump Higher in 16 Minutes and 16 Seconds (Oct. 15th)

You Breathe You Die (Jan.16th)

Breaking Glasses With Our Screams (Aug. 4th)

The 1000 High-Five Challenge (Oct. 2nd)

Becoming the World’s Greatest DJs (Mar. 4th)

Grip Strength Test: Loser Becomes the Winner’s Butler for a Day (Aug. 14th)

Forcibly Turning Mark into Santa Claus Against His Will (Dec. 25th)

We Smell Every Smell (Sep. 1st)

We Wrote a Hit Pop Song in 30 Minutes (Feb. 26th)

Unus Annus Carves the Roast Beast (Mar. 18th)

The Painful World of Aerial Skills (Oct. 12th)

The Koala Challenge: TikTok’s Intimate Couples Trend (Aug. 19th)

Ethan Traps Mark’s Soul in the Palm of His Hand (Jun 24th)

Will We Break the Boards...Or Will They Break Us? (Jun 14th)

DIY Chiropractor (Mar. 7th)

Mark Gives Ethan a HOT (stone) Massage (Aug. 31st)

We Bought a Camera That Can Look Inside Us (Mar. 3rd)

Can Plants Feel Pain? (Sep. 9th)

This is Hiding on Your Body RIGHT NOW. (Jul 9th)

Strange (and legal) Things You Can Do With Your Body After Death (Jan. 28th)

Like It Or Not...This is What The New Human Looks Like (May 7th)

Looking at Long Lost Memes (Jan. 31st)

We Played Mad Libs and Ran It Through Google Translate (Apr. 7th)

Running Internet Drama Through Google Translate (Apr. 24th)

Mark and Ethan Desperately Try to Name a Single State in the USA (Apr. 8th)

Professional Fetish Scientists Rank the Best/Worst Fetishes of 2020 (May 3rd)

Reddit 50/50: Two Player Edition (Mar. 25th)

Mark and Ethan Find the Lost City of El Dorado (Apr. 14th)

Using Google Maps to Find the Lost City of Atlantis (Apr. 20th)

We Hired a Real Hypnotherapist to Analyze Our Darkest Dreams (Jan. 24th)

2 Boys 2 Poops (Sep. 3rd)

This is How We’ll Die... (Jan. 19th)

Nutball Extreme: Taser Edition (Mar. 1st)

You Made Beautiful Music for The Barrel...But Only One Could Win (Dec. 15th)

Can Sound Therapy Heal All Wounds? (Jul. 22nd)

Middle School Science Experiment Teaches Us About Life and Death (Mar. 6th)

Reverse Engineering a Kite to Steal the Idea of Electricity from Benjamin Franklin (Jul 5th)

Ethan’s Relaxing and Totally Normal Nail Salon (Dec. 19th)

Mark and Ethan Take a Personality Test (Apr. 22nd)

An AI Generates Our Worst Nightmare (May 5th)

Learning to Cry on Command to Increase Our YouTube Views (Jun 16th)

How Big Can a Nuke Get? (May 17th)

Granting Access Into Heaven’s Sweet Gates (Feb. 24th)

We Put an Apple Watch in a Rock Tumbler (Jul. 3rd)

Whom Would Eat Whomst First in a Zombie Apocalypse? (Mar. 29th)

Bigfoot is Real and It Ate My Friend (May 14th)

What is the Most Painful Thing We’ve Ever Endured? (Dec. 21st)

Don’t Go In The Ocean....Ever. (Apr. 28th)

An AI Predicts How We’re Going to Die (Dec. 2nd)

Harnessing Our Yodeling Power to End The World As We Know It (May 21st)

The Creepiest Videos on YouTube (Apr. 16th)

What Does Astrology Say About Our Friendship? (Mar. 12th)

Discovering the Secret to Eternal Life (Feb. 1st)

What Happens When a YouTube Channel Dies? (Jan. 22nd)

5 Weird Apps That Predicted Our Death (Mar. 19th)

Emotional Pain vs. Physical Pain...Which is Worse? (Dec. 28th)

How Tall Can a Human Get?: An Impartial Review By 2 Average Height Men (May 12th)

Will AI Soon Take Over Humanity As We Know It? (Apr. 23rd)

Mark and Ethan Hunt the World’s Most Wanted Criminals (Mar. 17th)

The Illuminati...Do They Really Exist? (Apr. 19th)

We Explore the Most MYSTERIOUS Mysteries of Our Wildly Mysterious Mystery Moon of Mystery (Apr. 29th)

Two Male Men Judge Female Women On Their Beauty (Apr. 26th)

We Have the BEST Thumbnails on YouTube and No One Can Tell Us Otherwise (Jan. 5th)

How Much Caffeine Does It Take to Kill a Man? (May 18th)

There’s Still Hope… (Dec. 8th)

Unus Annus ASMR (May 9th)

The Worst Kind of Cupping (Nov. 21st)

#unus annus #unus annus ranked #the og list took me three days to compile please appreciate this #markiplier #crankgameplays #unus #annus

35 notes · View notes

winters-history · 5 years ago

Text

Past, Present and Future || One shot || S.S

Requested - “One where the reader is part of marvels newest phase and is a very powerful character. She is also super confident in real life and doesn’t ever get flustered. She goes on an interview with Ellen where she gets asked about her celebrity crush Sebastian Stan which she doesn’t talk about publicly because she knows she’ll get flustered and Ellen goes into it anyway and surprises her by calling Seb in and however you want to take it from there”

Requested by @beingonpointe

Y/N’s POV

‘ “Please everyone, welcome the amazing and beautiful Y/N Y/L/N to the stage!” Ellen says and the cheering from the audience starts and I walk out as calmly as I can trying not to run

As I walk out I see everyone waving and cheering and it makes me smile even more, I wave back to them and they cheer even louder making me laugh.

I walk over to Ellen and hug her as we both sit down, with me crossing my legs and getting comfortable in the chair.

“Welcome to my show Y/N. Let’s start of with the amazing news that was released this morning - you have been officially cast as the newest marvel hero in the MCU.” Ellen says and the cheering starts again

“Yeah, it’s honestly amazing - I don’t even know what to say about it, I mean I can’t wait to start filming with everyone- I’m so excited to meet them all” I say with a smile Loki g from Ellen to the audience

“Well I don’t blame you have you seen some of them? “ Ellen says making me and the audience laugh

“I know, I’m actually scared for the workout regime that they’ll put me on - it looks like a lot of work” I say laughing

“Honestly I’m sure they won’t need to put you on one, I mean all the photos that people get of you are when your at the gym or out with friends” Ellen says

“I do try to keep as fit as I can - and it’s a great way to relax- I can just go to the gym and not focus on anything but being there yknow?” I say and Ellen nods

“I get that - but there is something I’ve wanted to ask you actually its someone” Ellen says and I laugh

“It wasn’t me I swear!” I shout for dramatic effect

“Hahah. No no I’m not questioning you about that today. But I’ve seen the interview you did with James corden a few days ago” Ellen says and I blush

“Fill your guts or spill your guts?” I ask

“Yes, honestly o don’t know how you are some of that- but I wanted to focus on one question which you decided to answer, your celebrity crush. Which I was ashamed wasn’t me I mean really Y/N” she says and I laugh even harder

“Ellen you know your my number one gal, but Sebastian Stan is just - ugh” I say and the audience laughs

“I can’t deny that - at all, but I was wondering what was gonna happen there because your going to be working together an awful lot soon and well I don’t mean to be nosy, well I do but, have you met him yet. When you do what are you going to say?” Ellen asks and I blush even more

“ Honestly Ellen I have no idea, I mean I saw him when I was out for lunch with Chris Hemsworth - I met him years ago when I was filming a movie with his brother - and I froze and was so scared, I have no idea what I’ll do if I meet him, I’ll probably state random facts” I say and everyone in the studio laughs

“But your so confident and have this powerful aura, I couldn’t imagine you getting flustered or nervous” Ellen says

“Honestly, around that man I think I would freeze. I’ve only ever once gotten nervous like that and that’s when I met Michelle Obama - it that’s a story for another day - and I started talking about the techniques Van Gogj used in his piece ‘Still life : Drawing Board, Pipe, Onions and Sealing Wax’ honeslty is was so embarrassing” I say and Ellen laughs and just as she goes to say something. I hear this giant “Rrrrereaaaawwwwwwrrrrrrrr” from behind me and I jump out of my chair and turn around and see it’s Sebastian Stan..... it’s Sebastian Stan

“H.....hi” I say and I put my hand out to shake his and he takes it laughing

“Hi...hahahah I’m so sorry it was all Ellen” he says and I nod slowly

“Guys take a seat, take a seat” Ellen says and I sit slowly as Sebastian sits next me and j can feel myself turning into a tomato

“So Y/N how are you feeling?” Ellen says and I look at her

“Good.” I say trying not to say tk much and I hear Sebastian laugh next to me

“Sebastian?” Ellen asks

“Honestly I’m so happy right now, I got to meet my celebrity crush” he says and I trim to him and smile. I’m his celebrity crush?’

“Ahahhaah I am a matchmaker aren’t I folks?” Ellen asks as I look from the screen behind us that was playing my interview from around two years ago

“Honestly Y/N when I thought of that I thought you would make a great new friend” Ellen says but I interrupt

“You gave me my best friend Ellen, really” I say looking down at the engagement and wedding rings now on my left hand, and smiling.

“Well it was my pleasure, everyone may I present you with the amazing actress and my close friend Y/N Y/L/N-Stan”

I can’t wait for my future with Seb.

#sebastian x you #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan #marvel x reader #marvel actor x reader #ellen degeneres #ellen x reader #x reader #bucky imagine #sebastian imagine

112 notes · View notes

the-is13 · 5 years ago

Text

A Pinch of Salt

Description: You didn’t expect to be working tonight. It was a regular Friday night, or so you thought. Two beautiful men happen to come into the small pizza joint, one with particularly captivating hazel eyes.

Characters: Jared, Jensen, Reader, OFC’s OMC’s

Relationship: Jared x Reader

Warnings: None really, cursing? A bit of fluff

Word Count: 4046, wow that surprised me

A/N: So this is my first fic, I read a lot but have never wrote anything. This stemmed from a dream I had. For the purpose of this fic its set in early stages of the boys filming Supernatural. Jared is a bit younger, late twenties. Him and Gen are friends but nothing more. This purely fiction! I mean no harm to J2 or their families, I love them all the to moon and back. Any hate will not be tolerated. Please be kind and let me know if you liked it!

Beta: A GIANT shoutout to @team-free-will-you-idjits-67 for being a beta and pretty much helping me get this right, haha pun intended. You rock chick.

Oversized t-shirt, fuzzy socks, warm cup of tea, and netflix. That’s how you typically spend your Friday nights since you aren’t one to go out or party. You like your space.You’re content with the quietness of just sitting and reading a good book or just watching netflix by yourself.

That’s how you’d like to be spending this friday night, but alas, Susan called in to work.Again. Apparently her little boy is sick, for the third time this month. You’re pretty sure he’s fine and that she just has a date. It wouldn’t bother you if she would just ask and tell you the truth, but of course, she lies. Well, at least you think she’s lying.

Oh well, more tips for you.

So here you are, at Pete’s Pizza on a Friday night. It's not too busy, but its not slow either. Pete’s is a pretty good place to eat, lots of beer and, of course, plenty of variety on pizza. The owner, and head pizza master, Jimmy, is an amazing cook and is always trying new things to put on pizzas. It's a popular spot. If you didn’t work there, you would probably eat there too.

You’re busy turning in another order for this weekends special; spicy taco pizza with extra jalapenos, when your coworker Nancy bumps you roughly.

“Sorry, y/n!” She went to turn away from you and tend to her own tables when she exclaimed, “Oh! A few guys just sat in your area.” She placed her hand beside her face like she was trying to cover a secret she was about to tell you, but you knew whatever she had to say wouldn’t be quiet. “They seem like a rowdy bunch too.”

You sigh, “Great. First the Johnson’s, now these guys.”

Everyone knew the Johnson’s, they were regulars, the kind of customers you hate: rude, always blaming you for everything, and nitpicking every single thing. od forbid there be an onion out of place on their pizza. They had five kids. Seriously, five, and they were ALWAYS misbehaving. But of course, it was never their fault, according to their parents. You thought differently, they all needed a good whoopin’. On top of it all, they never, ever, tipped. No matter how hard ANYONE tried. It was very taxing to say the least.

Grabbing your pen and paper you waltzed off to table 8 and tried to put on your best smile. You really wanted to make some money tonight, afterall you needed to pay the bills.

“Welcome to Pete’s! What can I..” Looking up from your pad you started to stutter as you noticed who was in front of you. This couldn’t be. You had to be dreaming, it wasn't real. You stared into his hazel eyes, the captivating blues, greens, and speckles of brown. He smiled, oh lord, his smile, so bright and white.

“Wh-what can I start you off with tonight?” You stuttered. Wow, you made a sentence. You were pretty sure you were going to faint.

“I think I’ll have a beer, what ‘bout you Jay?” Oh god, his booming voice, if he spoke another word you might turn into a puddle right then and there.

“Yeah, beer sounds great right now.” said his friend, his best friend. Of course you knew him, well, knew of him.

“I think we’ll just take two beers for now” He smiled politely brushing some hair from his face.

“I-I, I’ll.. be, right.. B-back with those” You smiled back, trying not to sound so foolish, but damn, how could you not? Jared fucking Padalecki and Jensen fucking Ackles just walked into Pete’s, and sat in your area!

You let Nate, the bartender that night, know you needed two beers asap. Then you whipped out your phone to text your best friend, Hannah. You two had been through hell and back, knowing each other practically since birth or before since your moms attended lamaz together. She shared your healthy obsession with Supernatural and all things cooperating. She had to know what was happening. Now!

Y/n:OMG!! HANNAH YOURE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE THIS!!!

She quickly wrote you back, knowing you had to work this evening

H: What’s up? You get a $100 tip or something, ‘cause that WOULD be unbelievable!

y/n: Wow bitch, thanks. NO this is MUCH MORE EXCITING!!

H: Well.. go on with it…

y/n: JARED AND JENSEN ARE HERE

H: …

You’re joking right?

y/n: OMG NO! WHY WOULD I JOKE ABOUT THIS!? I KID YOU NOT, THEY ARE BOTH HERE SITTING IN MY AREA!!!!!! IM GOING TO DIE!!!

H: BREATHE! You need to be cool, or at least as cool as you can be. Hehehe

y/n: Shut the fuck up, im cool.

H: uhhhhuh you keep telling yourself that.. ;)

You waited for her to be serious, since she probably thought you were joking. The realization of your truth hadn’t hit her yet or else she’d be freaking out as much as you were. You waited, watching her little dots letting you know she was indeed typing back to you. You didn’t get a chance to read it as you were snapped out of your world with your best friend by Nate.

“Eh hemm, y/n, you busy over there, or you wanna take these beers?” You nearly jumped out of your skin. He had been staring at you, watching you frantically typing away on your phone. “OH! Yes, thanks Nate,” you said with a wink. Nate and you flirted all the time but you never really meant anything by it. You were pretty sure he had a crush on you though. You could feel him staring at your ass as you walked away.

Approaching their table you made sure to take some deep breaths. In and out Y/n, in and out, you reminded yourself. With a polite smile you were able to speak, “Here’s your beers, gentlemen.” You didn’t want to seem like the fangirl you were, knowing their names, so you stuck to the informalities. “Are y’all ready to order?” As you smiled once again, trying to keep your excitement under control.

Jensen spoke first this time “Yeah, I think so. That speciality pizza sounds pretty good darlin’. I think we’ll have two with a side of cheesy sticks,” he said before sending a quick wink your way. You gulped, knowing that he definitely noticed you staring at them. Who would blame you though? They were such fine men, and they knew it.

Scribbling down their orders legibly as possible, all while trying not to fling your pen out of your hand like an idiot you chirped, “I’ll put that right in, be out soon”.

You went to grab their menus, meeting Jared’s eyes once more and drowning in the sea of colors, causing you to accidentally knock the salt over on the table. You watched in horror as the top flung off and covered Jared’s lap with salt.

“Oh! My gosh! I’m, so, so sorry! Let me get a towel, I’ll clean this up, sorry.” You rambled. You thought you were playing it cool, but obviously not. You scolded yourself for being so clumsy before you ran off to the kitchen. Handing Jimmy their order quickly, you went around the door of the kitchen to the closet to grab a rag.

Jensen nudged Jared as they watched you run away “Dude, I think she knows who we are. he seemed a little flustered, doncha think?” He hit Jared in the shoulder, noting how he wasn’t phased that his lap was saltier than the ocean.

Jared winced as he rubbed at his arm,”Ow! What?”

Jensen stared at Jared with a ‘are you serious?’ look. “Didn’t you hear me? I think she recognized us.” Jared’s attention had returned to the direction you disappeared in. SNAP SNAP SNAP “Dude, what is your deal?!” Jensen spoke with a little more irritation as he waved his hands in front of Jared’s face.

Jared finally turned to him and stuttered a little “Uhh, yeah, whadya say Jay?”

Smacking his forehead a little dramatically Jensen exclaimed, “Have you heard a word I said? Like, at all?!” He talked louder than he had wanted, drawing more attention to them than he planned.

“Do you really need to shout?” Jared questioned. “I Just wanted to go out and relax tonight and you’re trying to make a scene!” He snapped.

Finally looking down at his lap he tried to gather as much of the salt he could and dump in onto the table. Scooting back in his chair, he stood up to shake some salt off but heard a soft ompf as he stood. He bumped into you, nearly knocking you down.

Now it was his turn to apologize.

Spinning around quickly he grabbed your wrist before you could tumble all the way down, yanking you a little hard as you ended up with a face full of his chest. You couldn’t complain though, he smelled delightful.

You crained your head upwards to look at him, seeing his mouth moving but the words not registering in your head. You probably looked like a fish out of water, jaw slack, eyes wide.

“You okay?” He repeated. Finally, you snapped out of it. Blinking rapidly you managed one word “Yeah..” Jared smiled softly, “You sure? You’re sorta staring at me like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Retreating from his hold, you internally scolded yourself for the third time of the night. This was Jared Padalecki. You couldn’t be looking at him like a damn knight in shining armor. This was not a fairytale. This was real life, or so you hoped. You straightened yourself out a bit “Uhm, yeah, I’m good, so sorry again. Let me clean your table,” you clipped out.

“It’s okay, no big deal really. It’s not like you a-salt-ed me, or anything,” he said giggling, trying to lighten the mood. But failing to contain his laughter from his own joke. Jensen smacked his forehead once again and thoroughly rolled his eyes.

You lifted your head and just stared at him, was he kidding? You couldn’t tell, all you heard was assault. Immediately you assumed the worst, he was going to press charges because you spilled salt. My god how stupid were you! So fucking stupid, you should’ve just stayed home!

“I’m so sorry Mr. Padalecki, please don’t sue me,” you squeaked out. Your voice barely above a whisper, afraid you’d burst into tears on the spot.

Realizing you didn’t take his joke well, he started to back track. Holding his hands up almost defensively. “What? No! I was joking! It was a joke! I’m not going to..” then it clicked, you called him ‘Padalecki’.

“Wait, you know me?” He said with a raised, questioning brow.

“Uhh.. hmm.” Stuttering slightly, your brain went into overdrive to try and explain yourself. But it was working too fast trying to form the correct words. You cleared your throat trying to remain calm and collect yourself. “I guess you could say that, I mean I do watch ‘Supernatural’..” you looked towards Jensen “So yeah, I guess I do know who you are, both of you.”

Jensen’s face lit up “I told you dude! I can always tell when they know!” he exclaimed.

You could feel heat creeping into your cheeks, embarrassed because you thought you were playing it cool. Maybe Hannah was right. You were just a waitress at a pizza joint, and this was Jared fucking Padalecki we were talking about here.

Without saying a word, you began to turn away and head back to the kitchen or to check on your other tables. Hell, almost literally, anywhere but right here.

“Hey…” Jared had snached your wrist once again, “Don’t worry about it, its okay.. D-do you want to take a picture.. Being a fan of the show and all..” he trailed off motioning to Jensen.

“Uh, yeah.. Sure, as long as y’all don't mind.”

They both chuckled lightly, wishing you could hear that sound forever. It was such a beautiful sound, much different in person. “Nah, it's no problem, afterall we try to maintain a good relationship with our fans,” Jensen drawled with a wiggle of his brows. You weren't sure if he was just being friendly, or if he was displaying some of Dean’s flirtiness.

You were still slightly embarrassed as you pulled out your phone quickly, closing your recent conversation with Hannah. You tried to angle your phone to get a good selfie, but you couldn't really capture the behemoth of men behind you. Jared lightly and plucked your phone from your grasp, knowing you were struggling to get a good picture. “Here, let me..”

Click click click

He took a few pictures to make sure you got a good one. You had the the attention of almost the entire restaurant now, since you spilled the salt all over Jared and were now snapping pictures with the two of them.

“There ya go, I’m sure you got a good one.” Jared said handing your phone back to you.

“Thanks..” You trailed off, looking down to try and hide the blush creeping onto your cheeks as your fingers brushed his in the exchange.

“Y/N!! Y/N!!” Mrs. Johnson yelled from across the room waving her hand like the lunatic she is. “Y/N!! Come here!”

Huffing a bit, you quickly said additional ‘sorry’s’ to Jared for making a mess and ‘thanks’ to them both for the pictures. Taking a deep breath, before dealing with the table from hell, you turned on your heel making your way to their table.

Meanwhile, that was the first time Jared had heard your name, y/n. You were too caught up in who you were looking at to introduce yourself upon taking their order. ‘Y/n’ he thought it was a beautiful name.

“Yes, Mrs. Johnson, how can I help you?” You said as you plastered on a fake smile.

“We need more napkins, what do you keep stocked in these things? Two napkins?” she said in a snarky tone while tapping the napkin dispenser. Trying to refrain from commenting on how her children used half the restaurants napkins because they were either such a mess or building a damn castle in the bathroom with them, you made your smile even wider.

“I’ll run and get more right now Mrs. Johnson.”

Turning away from their table you were halted by her grabbing your elbow and not so whispering in your ear. “That performance was horrendous, spilling salt all over that poor boy, just for him to take a picture with you. Pathetic.”

You ripped your arm from her grasp and gave a tight lipped smile, “I’ll go get those napkins now, be right back.” Heading towards the backroom once more, you heard her muttering to her husband how ‘sad and pathetic’ your life was. Like she should give a damn about your life.

Sometimes you wished people would just mind their own damn business and keep their mouths shut. Afterall, that's what you did. You were never one for confrontation. Even as a child, you hated arguing with your older brother or your parents, you just kept to yourself. You never really stood up for yourself. You took the blame for so much, even if it wasn’t your fault or you didn't do it, you took it. You didn't want to upset anyone.

You dropped a huge pile of napkins off with the Johnson’s after taking Jared and Jensen their pizza’s. All while Mrs. Johnson kept nonchalantly whispering about you, either to herself, Mr. Johnson, or ‘non-directly’ at you. It was really tiring.

You tried to keep a smile on while checking on your other customers and, of course, Jared and Jensen. You really wanted to talk to them about the show, their lives, or anything else for that matter. It was still hard for you to believe this was real.

Between the Johnson’s, their herd of children that you constantly cleaned up after, the other customers, and Jared and Jensen, you were feeling a little worn out. Nate could tell, he kept asking if you were okay, to which you always replied with a kind smile, and ‘yup i’m good’. It was nice for him to be concerned about you. He was always a nice guy. He never pushed too far with the harmless flirting, never talked behind your back, and he always made sure you got your tips. It was refreshing after being walked on most of your life.

Jared and Jensen ate their pizza slowly and drank their beer a little faster than they ate their pizza. You kept bringing them refills and could tell they were getting a little loose. Not that you were to judge, it must be hard being famous and all. Plus, you pretty much ruined their evening. They kept smiling at you though, letting you know everything was fine, and damn, were they.

After the Johnson’s finally left and things calmed down a little, you stood behind the bar with Nate making idle chit chat.

“Do you know them?” He asked, pointing to where Jensen was currently laughing at Jared for some joke he made. “I saw you taking pictures with them..”

You were currently making heart eyes at the pair, after all, who wouldn't? They had some damn good genes. You realized Nate was talking to you and not a customer. “Oh, what? Know them? Do you not?”

He just shook his head ‘no’ looking at you like you had two heads. “Am I supposed to?” he questioned.

“NATE!” You said just a bit too loud, causing Jared and Jensen to look your way. You just smiled and turned toward Nate, blocking yourself from their view. “Do you really not know who they are?” He shook his head again peeking around your shoulder to look at them.

You tugged his shoulder and scolded him for staring. Now you were pot calling the kettle black. “They’re famous Nate, that’s Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles. They star on the show ‘Supernatural’, it's like the best sci-fi, drama, family show, ever!” He was still looking at you like you were crazy. “Nate c’mon, you've never watched it?”

You could tell he was wracking his brain by the look on his face.

After about a minute, or what felt like it, he finally spoke up. “Hmmm, Jensen… Ackles… I think he was on Smallville right?” You’re face lit up with excitement but you tried to contain yourself. “YES! Yes, he was! He played Jason!”

“Soo, you took a picture with them?” He pondered. You looked a little dumbfounded, would he not have? I mean, what if he was to meet someone famous? Just pass them by? Nate could tell by the way your face was twisting up in that sour look he thought was so cute, you were not pleased with his answer. “I mean that's pretty cool right? You can tell your grandkids you met ‘the stars of supernatural’,” he said a little too sarcastically as he waved his hands in the air like he could see the headlines of it.

You were still a little offended he was making fun of you but laughed it off and lightly pushed his shoulder. “Oh stop it Nate! You’re just jealous.” He smiled a little but then noticed the guys you had been making heart eyes at were getting ready to leave. “Hey..” he pointed in their direction, “I think your friends are leaving.”

Turning around quickly and nearly tripping over your own feet again, you noticed they were started to fight over the check. You could barely hear them arguing about who paid last time and who drank more. Mustering up all the courage you could, you put one foot in front of the other and marched towards their table. They both looked up at you curiously. “Beer’s on me guys, afterall you put up with the disaster I made earlier and were kind enough to take a picture with me”

They smiled widely, both slightly tipsy, you could tell their emotions were genuine, which made your heart flutter.

Jensen spoke first, running his tongue out across his lip, “That’s mighty kind of you darlin’,” he drawled, his southern accent peeking out more from the alcohol.

“Jay stop flirting, you’re probably scaring her! Then she won’t pay for anything!” Jared said with a wink and grin that made your knees weak.

You took in their drunken state light heartedly. They were much more kind than the other guys who would come in, get drunk and try to cop a feel. Not that you would mind if it was them though. You’d let Jared or Jensen feel you up all day or night.

You waved Jensen off, “Its fine, not like I’ll ever see y’all again..” you trailed off, the thought making you a little sad. You had enjoyed watching them interact, even if it wasn’t with you.

Jensen piped up with a smile that would shatter the moon, “I wouldn’t be so sure about that, sweetheart”, he winked and was out the door in a flash. That left just you and Jared, standing there like awkward teens at the school dance.

Jared nervously ran his hand through his hair and scratched the back of his neck. You were in awe. He looked so beautiful, even with the nervous behavior he was displaying.

“W-would you mind if I asked you for your number?” He stammered

You blinked, what was happening, was Jared fucking Padalecki asking you for your number? You pinched yourself and jumped, he was still there, awaiting your answer.

Noticing your apprehension he began to turn away “It’s fine if you don’t wanna give it to me, I know we just met and all..”

“YES” you replied a bit too eagerly. “I mean, yeah, you can have my number,” you spoke as you grabbed your notepad and quickly wrote it down, handing it to him.

He looked at you shyly, “Thank you, y/n for everything.” He flashed that bright smile and waved before turning to leave.

You stood there for a moment longer, shocked that what just happened, had indeed happened. You gave Jared PADALECKI your number.

Maybe he wouldn’t even contact you, maybe he was just trying to be nice. That was it, he was just being nice, I mean, from what you had seen about them in the media, they were generally nice guys.

You finally moved from your place, noticing that you got off in 10 minutes. You decided to just go ahead and start your cleaning duties and head home. You were wiping down Jared and Jensen’s table picking up a few napkins noticing something written on one. Flipping it over you had to slap your hand over your mouth to stifle the gasp that left your lips.

“Y/n, you are too beautiful and kind to be working here, and you are not pathetic. I did kinda like the a-salt though ;)”

Was delicately written and tucked inside was a crisp $100 bill, by far the best tip you’d ever received. Hannah would be eating her words and you couldn’t wait to tell her.

You did the rest of the cleaning and closing with Nate rather quickly. Anxious to get out of there and phone your best friend.

Biding goodnight to Nate and Jimmy, you rushed to your car, about to grab your phone to call Hannah when a little ding let you know you had a text. Figuring it was her, you click the screen to light it up. Of course you had 12 texts from her wondering what was happening and how she needed the ‘dirty details’. Rolling your eyes you scrolled down noticing you had a text from a number you didn’t recognize. Opening it, you could have burst into tears from the fire in your heart.

I loved the pizza, beer and taking a picture with a beautiful girl, hope to see you soon. :) -Jare

Clutching your phone to your chest tightly you sighed and pinched your leg.

Ow, nope not dreaming, you thought to yourself. Now you really couldn’t wait to get home and tell Hannah.

#supernatural rpf #jared padalecki fanfiction #jensen ackles fanfiction #jared padalecki x reader #jared padalecki fluff #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fluff #jared padalecki and reader #sam winchester fluff #sam winchester fanfiction

148 notes · View notes