#please help im having an identity crisis

[black-cat-named-onyx]

be honest, do you see me as a cat? if not, what do you see me as? i’m having a bit if an identity crisis

[officialscottlang]

So I just walked into the living room and the TV was playing a movie called I Love You, Man. The main character looked… strangely like me.

I looked him up and the actor’s name is Paul Rudd.

WHY DOES HE LOOK SO MUCH LIKE ME? IT’S SO WEIRD!

[magic-is-something-we-create]

your periodic reminder that im trans and everything ive ever made has been done with the hopes to showcase the beauty and power and glory that being trans is.

this is also your periodic reminder that im queer and everything ive ever made has been done with the hopes to showcase the beauty and power and glory that being queer is.

this is also your periodic reminder that im ace and everything ive ever made has been done with the hopes to showcase the beauty and power and glory that being ace is.

[carsonsconvent]

yeah no im fine, what are you talking about? 

[tastesousweet]

⭒ blurb : calling hamzah your “friend”

bf!hamzah x poc!reader

summary : headcannons/blurb based on the tiktok trend of calling your partner “friend”

mickey speaks : since ppl really liked my first lil blurb imma just play out all my tt fantasies with our fake bf :D also pls send me any hamzah reqs my brain is very empty lmfao!!!!

─────────── · · ୨୧ · · ───────────

you prop your phone up against the vase of flowers on your dining room table, capturing both you and hamzah in frame.

“guysss!! look my friend brought me takeout hibachi for dinner tonight!” you squeal and lift the styrofoam box to show off your meal.

hamzah doesn’t catch it the first time, he’s honestly tweaking because he stopped to get you both dinner right after the gym.

he feels starved but maintains composure and a smile for your tiktok bit

“i just got the basic fried rice, veggies, and chicken. i think my friend got the same, hamzah what’d you get?”

his eyebrows pinch in confusion for a second, “uh yeah, i got the same as you.”

“okay first bites! i’ll have my friend go first” you can’t help but smile when you grab the phone and start to record hamzah, but he’s paused holding his fork in the air.

“why do you keep saying that?” he softly asks through a laugh.

“what?”

“callin’ me your friend?”

“are we not friends...?" "i mean yeah sure but like not just that?" "you're confusing me, just take your bite please we’re gonna run out of time on this”

he nods his head compliantly and exaggerates a hum of “mmm!” after his bite before taking your phone to film yours.

“okay friend, your turn!” he loudly mocks with a wide grin.

you try not to laugh while taking a bite yourself

“it's actually so good, i needed this right now.”

you now record the both of you, “okay my friend and i are gonna finish this and then we’ll be back with more bestie activities!”

as soon as you say 'friend' again hamzah leaves the frame to chuckle through the amount of food in his mouth.

“right, best friend?” you urge some more

he swallows and pettily glances from side to side, “where's the best friend at???”

“okay he’s trippin’ but we’ll be back”

you're both in your bathroom now, hamzah reads over the packaging of two sheet face masks while you pull your hair away from your face with a fuzzy cat-eared headband.

"'kay, now we're gonna do these face masks together, because hamzah’s such a good friend!” you hold and rub his arm.

he puffs his lips and closes his eyes in defeat while shaking his head, “stop,” he looks down at you, noticing your headband, “that’s cute,” he flicks one of the cat ears on your headband.

“you look like one of those get ready with me girls; you'd be like,” he mockingly pretends to push his hair back, “‘get ready with me to lie on the internet!’”

you laugh with him and add to the joke as well, "get ready with me to kill my boy-friend! my friend!" your eyes widen and you try hide the embarrassment.

hamzah quite literally points and laughs, "look at you! even you know you're a damn lie! girl, get outta here!"

cuts to a clip where it’s just hamzah talking to your phone as he shifts the mask around on his face, “i don’t even know if i’m doin’ this right, bruh.” he looks into the camera, “oh hell nah, i look crazy!”

“it feels so weird…” he taps at the slick, cold mask some more before coming close to the camera again, “guys im having a fucking identity crisis. why’s my girlfriend gaslighting me right now?"

“like, i didn’t even know that girls knew how to do that…comment down below right now and give me tips on how to understand women.”

“okay i found one, look how cute!” you’re back and holding another fuzzy headband with a bow in the middle.

hamzah laughs, “i love you, but im not wearing that.”

in the next clip of course he’s wearing it, “aw don't we look so cute?”

finally cuts to a clip of you later that night throwing yourself next to him in bed and flipping the camera to record him as he plays candy crush, curled under the comforter. “hi babbyyyyy! i was joking about the friend thing i know you’re my boyfriend.”

“i know you know i’m your boyfriend,” he distractedly mumbles, laying on his side while continuing to move his thumb around his phone screen.

you flip the camera once more as you wrap an arm around him and squish your face on top of his hooded head. he looks into the camera and smirks to himself when he sees your sweet face.

he sticks his tongue out obnoxiously, yells “goodnight vlog!!!” and covers your phone's camera with his hand forcing a loud cackle out of you.

[definatelymrhyde]

THE JEKYLL AND HYDE

EXPERIMENT

THE FINDINGS

Breaks

I, being the Jekyll in this experiment managed to break my facade only twice. Here’s the info.

Break One: 2:27 PM, Reason: Ashyde reading out the ‘How to fight an ostrich’ wiki how page.

Break Two: 4:04 PM, Reason: Ashyde talking about ‘T posing and back flipping. Imagine it in your head im t posing and back flipping to assert my dominance and how im better than you. You can’t do this so im better.’ Etc etc

Notes Taken During The Course Of The Experiment

-It’s a lot harder to ignore than you would think

-You eventually get used to it, but some things still catch you off guard (See breaks)

-The noise from Ashyde was much easier to ignore when engaging with other people

-Having conversations was mildly harder and required a lot more focus than it should

-I have experience in scare acting and this was scary, spooky even. Someone constantly being in your head and commenting on your surroundings is terrifying just a little bit.

-Keeping a placid smile on your face helps a lot

-Singing songs and sing-songing isn’t annoying or distracting. It just feels like you have a song stuck in your head.

-The longer you ignore the ‘Hyde’ the more they ‘Hyde’ starts to go stir crazy and starts getting more and more creative

-Ashyde has an identity crisis after not being able to get me to be too annoyed and/or break more than I did. He said it felt like torturing himself in the process of trying to torture me!

-In moments where Ash was silent for a few minutes, I almost got nervous about when he was going to come back, what was going to happen, what I would get taunted with next etc

-After the hours of nonstop talking in my head, my mind feels weird and empty after two inner monologues existing in my head. I have ADHD, my mind has never felt this empty before.

The Final Takeaway

Jesus Christ. Props to TGS Jekyll for dealing with stuff like this for TWO YEARS. Because OH MY GOD. This was insane. Jekyll has a steel will and is a phenomenal actor in order to pull of everything he does the way he does. If we ever do this again? Well, I’ll make sure to write more notes because this was interesting.

Thanks to everybody who followed along with the experiment!! If anybody has any more specific questions about how we did it, things that happened over the six-seven hour call and any things you’d like to add please contact me through discord to those who have it or here on my Tumblr!! I don’t bite I promise!!!

[wangxianficfinder]

Fic Finder

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1. Hi, me again!! Returning to your amazing site!! I hope you can help me find this fic!! I'm looking for a fic where WWX doesn't die in his first life, but he ends up in a paperman and in Yummeng they have to find a way to returning him to his body!! Please help!! Be well :) @monicaop21

NOT FOUND! 🧡 a paper friend by soft_wanning (G, 4k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Fluff, Paperman!WWX, Identity Porn, Meet-Cute, Different First Meeting) I'm not sure this is right but I'd thought I'd mention it just in case - Mod C

I remember this one but can't find it! Iirc, WWX was in a coma in Lotus Pier, but the rest of the cultivation world was told he was dead. Can't remember how his spirit ended up in a paperman, but all the Lotus Pier people knew, and eventually LWJ figured it out when he was visiting for a cultivation conference or something. I think they were trying to figure out how to get WWX back into his body when MXY did his ritual and WWXs spirit was pulled out of the paperman and everyone freaked out that he'd died for real this time

FOUND!🔒 something like by silversshadow (T, 69k, WangXian, XuanLi, SongXiao, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Temporary Character Death)

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2. Hi!! Thank you for all your hardwork here.

I was looking for this fic where Wei Wuxian doesn't get adopted by the Jiangs.( I'm not sure if it was because he retained his memories of his earlier life.) Anyway... he gets the Dafan Wens at Yiling and closes Yiling with a barrier that no one can break through.

At some point Lan Wangji comes by and meets Wei Wuxian and there's a little bit of an identity crisis happening because Wuxian doesn't want to tell Wangji who he is but the smart Lan figures it out (I think lol) Also the war happens (again not so sure) but anyway all the sects comes to ask for refuge at Yiling.

The part I remember really well is where The Jiangs come by boat and Yu furen is her usual self with her condescending attitude.

I also remember a section where, towards the beginning, Wuxian actually cures the Burial mounds and like the entire village just loves him and takes care of him because he's such an angel.

Please find this for me cuz I went through 115 pages in my history and still couldn't find it. @poetic-writes

FOUND? The Devil That You Forgot by pottedplnt (Not Rated, 20k, WIP, WangXian, Canon Divergence, BAMF WWX, YLLZ WWX, Rogue Cultivator WWX, WWX Isn't Adopted by the Jiāngs, Angst, Sentient Burial Mounds, Demonic Cultivation, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sunshot Campaign, Chronic Pain, JFM and YZY Bashing, Bad Parent YZY, Jiāng Family Bashing)

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3. hiii for the next FF I’m looking for a modern wangxian fic where wy is a toymaker and LZ is a writer and single father to lsz. It’s largely comfort where wy reintroduces LZ to the magic of imagination I think and idk if it’s only where i stopped but the most recent scene was lz’s mother being stuck in the hospital. I also rmb that wy couldn’t leave the toy shop for long. @crazy-gay-killxr

FOUND! Pure Imagination by Witch_Nova221 (T, 119k, wangxian, LXC/NMJ, JYL/JZX, LSZ LWJ & WWX, modern w magic, Romance, Toys, Toy maker, Magic, Found Family, Family Feels, Family Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hospitals, Mentions of Cancer, Minor Character Death, Grief/Mourning, Loss of Parent(s))

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4. Hi!! Thanks for your work, I have been looking for a fic I read I while ago. It is a MDZSxTGCF crossover, it starts with Wei Ying arriving to ghost city after his death and Hualian finding him (I'm pretty sure he calls Xie Lian an angel at some point). Some time later, Lan Zhan travels to the ghost city to find Wei Ying, he doesn't find him but Hua Cheng lent him some luck so they can reunite soon.

Thank again for everything!!! @jesuqueso

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5. hi! im looking for a fic where the juniors of lotus pier think wwx gives the worst punishment. in reality, wwx just deliveres them to the most appropriate adult to deal with it. like if the best punishment would be "im not mad just disappointed" lecture, then he'll drop the kids off to jaing yanli or if they need handstands then to lan wangji and so on.. but wwx himself rarely punished them and somehow the juniors came to the conclusion that he must give out the worst punishment

this was just a small scene from a long fic. not even related to plot, i think this scene was towards the end. @mumblerovertmblr

FOUND! I'm pretty sure 5 is And Time Is But a Paper Moon by sami (M, 139k, WangXian, XiChengQing, Time Travel, Fix-It, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Healing, Mental Health Issues, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, BAMF WWX, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, BAMF JYL, Getting Together) or one of its sequels / yes like previouly said, it is in And Time Is But A Paper Moon by sami, in chapter 20!

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6. For the next Fic Finder – I was looking for a fic to suggest for an ITMF request, but I can’t find it! It’s a modern AU, where LQR suggests a marriage between JYL and LWJ (after a scandal with JGS comes to light, making JZX a bad option even though JYL still wants to marry him). But LWJ and WWX are already secretly dating, so WWX chaperones JYL and LWJ on a “date” where they finally tell her they are together, and then go about telling the rest of their family through the rest of the fic. @eorlgreylady

FOUND! I think 6 is A Sequence of coming out by kippalittlefox, but it seems to be deleted.

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7. What I remember from it is that WWX was in the bath before some people broke into the jingshi and held him hostage when LWJ got back. He had a string to his throat, or a knife not fully sure. After the guys that broke in were killed and it was like the next day, JC came by and the three of them started talking in the middle of CR so that the others would know that LWJ killed the men because they tried to kill his husband and if they wanted to see the scar left across WWX's throat.

This part was at the end of it, but I don't remember it being long. Don't really remember honestly

FOUND! sounds like No journey is too long by dea_liberty (M, 12k, wangxian, Post-Canon, Found Families, Epilogue, Happy Ending, Some angst, a lot of feelings, WWX has some PTSD to deal with, Minor Violence) the last in a five-part post canon series. The incident takes place in an inn, not the Jingshi, but other details match

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8. Hi! I’m kinda desperate now.

I’m looking for a fic where a-yuan or I think OC child is wwx and lwj biological child. I remember there is a chapter wherein before dying (due to canon stuff), wwx confessed to lwj that they had a child together. Then wwx died and I think they search for for the child (I forgot who saw the child but I sure it is either lxc or lwj)

I really appreciate it if you help me😭

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9. Hey! I'm looking for a fic I've read once but can't seem to find it anymore.

It was a modern Wangxian au where LWJ is a motorbike racer and WWX is a single parent to A-Yuan. LWJ sees WWX on the street as he drives by and circles back just to ask him out on a date. Incredibly sweet fic and I would like to read it again.

Thank you! 😘 @lucica-stuff

FOUND! My Heart is the Finish Line by UseMyMuse (E, 29k, WangXian, Bikerji, dadxian, Mpreg)

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10. There's a long modern au where lwj and lxc are art agents or something and wwx is an artist. But the main thing of the fic is that wwx hears from mxy that lwj FUCKS and might have a spreadsheet for it. This turns wwxs world upside down cause lwj is his best friend and he'd never known this. Then there's pining. Wwx painting a triptych, pining while fucking and finally the two idiots talk. There was also a b side version from lwjs pov. I cannot find this fic now. Help.

FOUND! show me a quiver, give me tonight by spookykingdomstarlight (E, 115k, wangxian, lwj/others, communication failure, mutual pining, artists, demisexual wwx, angst w/ happy ending)

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11. hello! i need help looking for a fic please 🙏🏻

i remember a lot but these are the important bits: modern au, wwx & lwj used to be classmates, nhs finally convinced wwx to confess his feelings for lwj, and when he did (in public, blurting out loud cause he was VERY nervous), lwj thought it was a prank, got angry and rejected wwx. wwx was devastated, nhs felt guilty, planned to drink & then met wen xu. wwx and wen xu get together, but wwx ran away (?) with wx. he was actually in an abusive & manipulative relationship with wx. then wwx adopts wen yuan and he fled with wy. years later, wwx owns a cafe, wy is a teen and they accidentally meet lwj again at the cafe. the junior ensemble is there, things happen and wx finds wwx but there is a happy ending.

i have TRIED looking for it myself but to no avail. (This part added to an itmf)

we are blessed in this community for all the work that you do, thank you so much! 🙇🏻‍♀️ @emkaii

FOUND! how to make your dad fall in love with your high school teacher in five steps; the complete and bulletproof guide by ravenditefairylights (T, 90k, WangXian, Modern AU, Coffee shop AU, NB LSZ, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Angst, Genderfluid WWX)

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12. Hi i'm looking for a wangxian fic were everyone watches (fallows lan wangji) wei wuxian and thinks that he gave birth to lan sizhui. its on ao3 @sansfan286

FOUND? Assumptions by draechaeli (T, 50k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Mainly Novel with a few CQL and Donghua bits, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Adoption, Adoption but WWX birthed them all, not mpreg, Not Established Relationship, Fluff, Canon-Typical Violence, Fix-It, gender non-conforming titles) the mirror follows WWX but they assume A-Yuan is the bio kid bc of convos they overhear but

FOUND? We made every mistake by JosieLinton2002 (T, 10k, WIP, WangXian, Mpreg) also features a mirror where they spy on WWX and they discover A-Yuan is Wangxian's bio kid

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13. Hi can you guys help me find a fic? It was a modern au; it was about Lwj slowly realizing the Jiangs neglect Wwx or something along those lines. I remember two scenes, one where they were talking about gifts, and Wwx said Madam Yu got him shampoo and conditioner for his birthday, and Wwx thought that was normal. The second scene was Lwj learning Wwx is left alone in the house when the Jiang family goes on vacation.

FOUND? Lessons in Belonging by Nyatci (M, 12k, wangxian, Modern, Childhood Friends to Lovers, POV LWJ, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Canonical Child Abuse, Bad Parents JFM & YZY, Not Jiang Family Friendly, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Homophobia, Good Uncle LQR, background 3zun, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Assumed Asexuality, some mild non-overly-explicit smut, LWJ really wants to put a ring on it so he does, Domestic Fluff, wangxian adopt a-yuan, 5+1 Things)

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14. this is for ficfinder.

I read a fic a couple of months ago and I can't find it.

in it, lwj dies because of the lan elders in the cave, and wwx gets really really mad (obvi) and then gives half of his heart to lwj surgically (literally)

FOUND! To Love a Lonely God by sunandseas (E, 6k, WangXian, Body Horror, Blood and Gore, Wwx gives Lwj his heart, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF WWX, Hurt LWJ, Dark WWX, Dark LWJ, Temporary Character Death, sacrifice as a form of love, Murder Husbands)

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15. For fic finder: It was a modern au about sport dueling. You could duel in pairs or one on one, and WWX and JC were raised to be a pair but Madame Yu kept them apart, I think? Anyhoo, JC goes on to pair with Jiang Yanli and WWX eventually teams up with LWJ and win the championship. I feel like someone got kidnapped halfway through?

FOUND! I feel like I win when I lose by so_shhy (T, 25k, wangxian, modern cultivation, Sports AU, Getting Together, some semblance of a plot, gently implied 3zun, obsessively observing someone from a distance is super romantic, LWJ pls use your words, really WWX cannot be blamed for obliviousness in this one, WC causing trouble, WN is precious, Fluff, Podfic Available)

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16. Hi! I can't seem to find a fix I really loved -- I remember it was sort of cyberpunk cultivation world and wwx downloaded himself into a sexbot which fought with lwj who realized he was fully sentient and took him home. There's eventual wen remnants and wwx has a secret agenda.

FOUND? In Imitation of Life by travelingneuritis (E, 70k, wangxian, modern cultivation, scifi au, android WWX, tone: neon seedy, rich people are bored and terrible, post-apocalyptoc landscape, happy ending, smut, severe major characger injury, time loss)

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17. Hi! I read a fic ao3 and i forgot to bookmark it. It’s a modern and i remember wwx being a ceo of a huge tech company and lan zhan ran away and kinda asked wwx to be his sugar daddy??

FOUND? finally safe (for me to fall) by sassybluee (E, 77k, WangXian, Modern: No Powers, Sugar Daddy, Age Difference, Sex Work, Rich WWX, Older WWX, Service Top WWX, Poor LWJ, Single Parent LWJ, Sugar Baby LWJ, Family Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Cockblocking, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, No Lube, Lube, Addiction, Compulsory Heterosexuality, Implied/Referenced Abuse, wangxian + others) sigh so good

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18. Hii I'm looking for these fics I read not long ago, couldn't find it anymore,

A) it's a short one I believe? Where nie huaisang kinda drags wwx with him to the past and wwx was livid (wwx chocked nhs or something), the scene happened in front alot of ppl .

B) I've read multiple like this one can't remember the exact one but it's where wwx was actually female, and hid her true ID from the jinags, and was discovered by the Lans or something

C) it's similar to b but I remember this scene it was an established Relationship post canon? Where wwx got her og body back after being resurrected by male mxy

Thanks in advance ☆ @karinasnowwwx

18A)

FOUND? Selfish by Valeska (T, 2k, NHS & WWX, Time Travel, NHS Needs a Hug, WWX Needs a Hug, YLLZ WWX, Sunshot Campaign, NHS kinda messes up, WWX needs a break, Hurt No Comfort, no NHS bashing even if it kinda sounds like that in the summary, he's tired and desperate, which doesn't mix well with presenting opportunities as we know)

18B)

FOUND? 🔒 Fallen Flowers and Closed Blooms by mondengel (M, 1k, wangxian, Female WWX, Creepy JFM)

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19. hello, I am looking for a fic " where lan wangji save wei wuxian after he jump from the cliff. baoshan rescued wei wuxian, lan wangji ang wen yuan from a cave and save wei wuxian by giving him his mother's core, later wei wuxian and lanwangji become demonic cultivator and immortal. "

FOUND? It's not a perfect match, but Ghosts Shouldn’t by ShanaStoryteller (Not Rated, 15k, WangXian, Grief/Mourning, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending)

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20. Hello! I’m trying to find a modern AU fic where the Lans still run a school, and in the backstory, WWX did something, got expelled over it (can’t remember why, it’s either punching JZX or messing with LWJ) and after being sent home, Madam Yu disowned him and threw him out of the house. There was also a mention that LQR was horrified, because the other times he expelled someone, they simply petitioned to be readmitted to the school and he was expecting that to happen with WWX.

Unfortunately that’s all I remember. Any ideas help!

FOUND!🔒With Intent by KizuKatana (E, 14k, WangXian, modern cultivator au, Modern with Magic, First Time, YLLZ WWX, WWX/others (minor), Jealous LWJ)

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[luthienne]

what do you do for a living? (/job?) I am currently in a crisis and need some guidance. I look up to you a lot, I love your blog, we have the same passions for poetry and writing and music, even daredevil! My crisis is that I dont know what to do. In university I take classes but I dont know what I want to be. My art and writing feel pointless sometimes. All the jobs i want to do I know im not skilled enough to achieve or itd be very hard to get by. If you dont mind giving out advice... please help! ❤

hi anon <3 i think that figuring out what we're supposed to do for a living often gets tied to the idea that we're supposed to find that one niche in the world where we fit, where we're meant to be and where we're meant to contribute; where we're meant to shine, and find deep meaning in our own lives. and maybe that does happen for some people. but in reality i think we're all capable of doing many different things, and finding purpose in many different things. and in working toward many different skillsets we acquire different skillsets that apply to many other types of work.

and i don't think anything is ever set in stone. i got my undergrad & grad degrees in music, and then i found that i didn't have it in me to be a part of that world anymore. and i felt that i had no meaning in my life without it. i was No One without music, i had no identity outside of my voice—despite the deep sense of purpose and fate, even, that i felt for my life up until that moment in music, in singing, in acting. up until that moment i knew in my bones my purpose in life. and then the ground was swept out from under me. it didn't matter that i had known with certainty what my life was supposed to be because it wasn't that any longer. and i realized that i could never again tie my identity to my art, to my music, to my writing, to my job. my voice has a purpose not because it must be enough to sustain me financially or because enough people have validated my talent but because it brings me joy. i came back to music because singing brought me joy again; i thought i would never feel that again.

something i have learned through this is 1) music, like most other art forms, is not a meritocracy; there is no such thing as "you are an excellent [artist/singer/writer] and therefore you will have the career owed to you" because so much more than merit and hard work go into careers like this. it takes not only talent and work ethic but circumstance and luck and wealth. lessons cost money, coachings costs money, auditions cost money, applications cost money, travel costs money, wardrobe costs money. 2) the process is not the career. i love to practice, i love to learn music, i love to get into character, and to engage with my colleagues in rehearsal rooms and onstage. i don't love the abuse thrown at singers from directors and teachers and coaches, i don't love auditions, i don’t love the unpredictability of gig work and contract work, i don't love the expendable lens through which singers are viewed by the industry. i've come back to music but my goals have shifted.

all that to say, i don't think we have to know what we want to be. we don't have to want to be anything. our lives have deep meaning whether we have "successful" careers or careers that just pay the bills while we continue to pursue our creative loves. i wouldn't place too much importance on needing to find what you are supposed to be because you will become who you are supposed to be regardless. it is never a waste to pursue something we love, and we will acquire and internalize new skills in any field that we can apply to other fields. and maybe your interests will dramatically shift, or maybe not. i think it's very natural to have vocational shifts throughout our lives, and it's not indicative of failure. art that is made personally or professionally doesn't have more or less value based on its financial profit. the money i make from singing isn't enough to sustain me—i have to do other self-employment gigs to make up the difference. most artists do. but i don't regret the time and the heart i have invested in music, and i am sustained through the work i put into it, and sustained by the relationships and friendships that i have developed through it.

i send you my whole heart. i know how it feels to look at the future and not know what you're supposed to do with your one, precious life. sometimes we have to live in the uncertainty and know that it won't be like that forever. on the flip side, the moments of certainty won't last forever either. and in-between there is all the living we do. i promise you're not alone in this <3

[kvmacrossing]

[mamawasatesttube]

Hi hello,

Random question, but what do you headcannon cassie to look like and dress through-out her teens into adulthood? Both as wondergirl and as cassie? On that same vein, what adult superhero name do you like for her?

Anywhoosies, wishing u a great day!

late teenage into early 20s cassie is grappling with comp het pretty hard and tries to grow her hair out and dress more femme. she hates it but she doesn't know she hates it for a hot minute. this is both as wonder girl and as cassie because she barely exists as a civilian at all for a long time. "cassie sandsmark" publicly was wonder girl for a while, and she tried coming up with a fake name and identity to be a civilian again in tt03, but it was rough on her and she ultimately gave up on it.

so i think that really just weighs on her - she's a hero 24/7, she's leading the titans, she's basically letting the vigilante life consume her and she's gonna crash and burn out hard any day now. i think donna sees this and goes hey... you know you don't have to be exactly like me, right? in fact i think you need a vacation. let's go to themyscira for a bit. and its big sis lil sis bonding time but also for the first time cassie catches herself thinking um... women 😳 women? 😳 oh god. women 😳 and she has a whole crisis about it.

when she comes back from her vacation she does feel a lot more in touch with herself. the problem is that what she sees there (dissatisfied with her work-life balance, worn out, starting to confront her internalized homophobia) freaks her out. so she kind of has a crisis and hacks her hair off with a pair of scissors in the middle of the night and then looks in the mirror like. oh GOD. what did i DO??? oh god oh fuck who do i know who can fix this and won't ask me questions if i say i don't wanna talk about it hhghnggrhgnn...

so she shows up in kansas wearing a beanie at like 1am like kon Please. help. 😭 and she feels So guilty bc he's her ex and he's still kind and loving enough that he does get out of bed despite having an early morning with farm chores, and then he's all sleepily shuffling to the bathroom with her like here. sit. i'll fix your bangs. jeez. and the vibes are so... you know. bathroom light late at night spilling into the hallway. he's cutting her hair. krypto is peering at them from the doorway like why the fuck are you awake. cassie's on the verge of tears bc she wants to tell him why she did this but she's terrified it'd hurt him if she was like i think i was never actually in love with you

but when she finally says it he just stares at her. and then stares at her some more. and then he starts? laughing?? and at first she's kind of hurt like uh. that was serious and also pretty hard to say, what's so funny. and hes just almost in tears holding her hands in the bathroom by the sink like. cassie. ive been so scared of telling you i think im gay. for like. 3 months now. cassie i hooked up with an alien several weeks ago and i had a whole crisis i just refused to tell anyone about. um. yeah. and she's like. YOU WHAT? ALIEN HOOKUP? CONNER KENT? and hes like NOOOO WE ARENT TALKING ABOUT IT. YOURE A LESBIAN LETS TALK ABOUT THAT. but its like. oh! and they click back into place as best friends instead so much more easily than they ever dated. it's about the late night catharsis of it all.

this is a lot of words to say that after this i think she embraces the short hair and starts leaning into masc presentation again. i am a butch cassie truther for LIFE. get that girl some cargo shorts and a carabiner for her lasso STAT. i'm talking those truly heinous cargo pants that unzip at the knees to become shorts. formal cassie rocks the blazer with a bra underneath look. cassie lingerie is a tank top with no bra. she's butch to the bone baybee

as for her adult hero name, i still kinda waffle about it but i've Tentatively settled on "xenia"!! it's taken from one of zeus's epithets and has to do with hospitality, kindness, and the protection of strangers (yknow those rules about breaking bread with strangers etc, those are also called xenia). the og meaning had to do with the idea that a stranger could be a god in disguise so you should always honor strangers, but i think cassie would do a sort of converse of that with it, like i've got the power and i'm gonna use it to protect people i don't know, not for the idea of a boon but because it's who i am. still potentially workshopping this, though.

[radical-boy-kisser]

Hihi!! this might b a bit long, sry 4 that :))). how do we/I tell if I'm a system? I've been doing A LOT of research specifically on osdd 1b, bc I fit most every symptom, but I don't like self diagnosing. on the other hand I don't have the resources to get diagnosed. I can list symptoms in comments if u guys need. but yeah we r really confused rn. sorry I keep switching in between I and we pronouns. Also we feel like my child hood wasn't traumatic enough to have osdd so I feel like we r making it all up!! anyways sorry this was a bad tangent! hope u hv a nice day :)))) /nfta

Hello!! Thank you for reaching out to me, but I will preface my answer with this:

I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL!!!!! I AM JUST A SILLY LITTLE GUY™️ ON THE INTERNET!!! PLEASE TAKE EVERYTHING I SAY WITH A GRAIN OF SALT!!!!!!!

ALSO! ITS OKAY TO BE WRONG!! IM NOT TRYING TO SAY YOU ARE OR AREN'T A SYSTEM, BUT JUST TO ANYONE READING THIS WHO THINKS THEY MIGHT BE A SYSTEM AND IT TURNS OUT THEY ARENT THATS OKAY!!!!!!! YOU DISCOVERED SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF ANY WAY!!

Anyways, as a system I can list some of the symptoms I experienced before realizing I was a system and some now and if you relate to a suspicious amount then maybe that's your sign!! (Very very sorry if this is not enough/what u asked for 😭)

Also, self diagnosing is perfectly valid in this situation! Self diagnosing is valid when you don't have the resources and do proper and extensive research on the subject, and even more so with DID since so many people don't diagnose it, with some outright refusing to!

Here are some of the symptoms I experienced before realized I had funky people in my head :

• Gaps in memory, such as not being able to remember what happened the entire week, or even that same day. Especially more so for stressful/traumatic events. (Also just straight up not being able to remember most of your childhood. Again, assuming you're a system, you're not gonna think you had enough childhood trauma because DID is meant to make you completely forget that ❤️)

• Feeling like a completely different person. The first time I actually noticed I switched, it felt really intense and whenever I'd (wasn't ME, obviously, but I'm using "I/me" for the sake of simplicity) try to recall myself, it'd be a different person with a different name and physical appearance and such, and the name "Max" felt so distant and as if it didn't belong to me.

During the first times I'd switch when it first developed, I'd feel like someone different during that time, but I'd usually not notice/forget about it later

• Identity crisis central

Now, here are some of the symptoms we now experience knowing we're a system:

(We still experience memory gaps and such obviously. Also, not trying to say our symptoms just straight up switches after we realized we were a system, these are just some we have realized are symptoms of DID and now look out for)

• Seeing messages, tasks done, notes written that I have absolutely no recollection of doing

• Not feeling like myself, but also no one else in particular and it's like "who am i" (blurring)

• Disassociation. HEAVY disassociation.

These are all the things that I could think of right now, so I really hope this helps!! I know DID and OSDD-1B aren't the same thing but I really hope this helps!!! (i don't know much about OSDD-1B because I completely forgot everything I learned abt it 😭)

But uhh ya that's all hope you have a nice day as well and good luck on your discovery journey! (Or not! Idk if that phrase goes both ways I'm sorry!!)

Edit : Also pls reach out to other systems please don't take just my take/view/whatever on it 🙏 ty

[narwhalandchill]

a bit more serious/negative note on childes characterization and fandom perception, saw a post where the tone upset me quite a bit

i did do a whole vent/rant/cathartic 2.4k words of writeup on this yesterday which like did help clear my thoughts a lot but in hindsight is way too long to just release by itself so i suppose ill just summarize my thinking now

so i would really appreciate it if a certain subset of childe fans reading his character a specific way (the trauma, identity crisis, dark abyss experiences, etc. - you know the one) could stop acting as if its this like. superior canon proven hoyo intended most real and intellectual way to look at his character and interpret his narrative. as opposed to just one reading of the canon material among others. and im sure most people are civil but ive seen this tone enough to just need to get this off my chest rn.

like im not "missing" something or being "tricked" (what?) by childe or the narrative. its not some naive ignorance about this reading being a thing and the ways people argue for it. ive read his lore. p much memorized it rly. and i simply did not find the arguments that compelling or feel that inserting this additional layer of subjective interpretation atop my understanding of the canon text did much to enhance childes narrative potential or characterization for me.

simply put. applying this super strict irl psychology logic (bc yes a real 14 yo going thru some irl version of ajax' backstory would get severe psychological disturbances as p much given. i know what the DSM-V is) to fantasy game characters isnt how i enjoy engaging with childe or any character really.

genshin is a fantasy game and fantasy as a genre has always readily sidestepped things like realistic psychological consequences of various heavy experiences in favor of building a compelling narrative whenever necessary. i dont find arguments relating to irl psychology particularly relevant at all on the subject really. if you enjoy this approach, go on, have fun! but please understand that its an interpretation that people can disagree without being "wrong" or failing some arbitrary reading comprehension test.

like the dismissive tone i see from people who simply cannot comprehend that like no, this take isnt some universal truth of hoyos that every person will glean from reading up on childes lore and appearances if theyre big brain and intellectual enough is just... really fucking rude? and alienating.

im not going to go on a like whole ramble on all the things that i personally see very much as hinting towards childes characterization going quite a different direction than this popular heavy self-doubt, psychological angle would suggest. its my interpretation after all, and could be proven wrong the way any interpretation can. but for now ive read his lore for years and looked into every single tidbit that involves him and so far hoyos writing of him hasnt given me any convinving case for changing my view drastically anytime soon. and id just like to be allowed to exist in this fandom space without being randomly jumpscared by posts alleging im reducing his character to this or that just bc i see his greatest narrative potential elsewhere.

theres enough insane shit and incredibly interesting lore relating to his overall role in the story and the cosmic scale of teyvat as a whole to be invested in already. like taking childes character as depicted to us and how in-game content characterizes him at a relative face value as opposed to seeking an implied internal struggle of sth hidden and repressed is me simply finding that take the most unique, fascinating, horrifying, compelling and exciting way to see him instead. thats what i love about him and his character. like im sorry, in my eyes the dark past corrupting innocence and trauma angle has just been done to death already in media. childe can have something actually different and breaking those tropes is what makes him stand out for me!

anyway. this whole situation is not sth i wanna start flaming ppl for or make into some drama, i try my best to stay on my lane and let ppl live even if i disagree w these sorta takes on childe. and i just wish for that grace to be extended towards myself too.

[thepowerisyouth]

Eh mental health is annoying. Buying & cooking cheap low-FODMAP diet is annoying. My best top note for now is I'm using this blog to practice writing. I need more practice in it. I only know business, accounting & economics stuff. Its stupid stuff. Theres too much actual fraud everywhere that its annoying

Also I use mobile so formatting sucks cause Nvidia GPUs, or Arch dont like tumblr site. Or tumblr site dont like tumbkr site

Also also I 100,000% support all my fellow ones-and-zeros and their identity. Everyone is welcome here.

Except transphobes/zionist/long list of others but you get it. I'll help harrass any of those types endlessly if someone wants to tag me, and bring me in on an argument like that friend you call for backup with fights

Im unhinged so who's to say exactly what will end up here but this is also a completely public blog to me friends, family, hell, even acquaintances i dont give a fuc.

Blog should be expected to be roughly as child-friendly as simpsons or bobs burgers. But also boring like a civics/economics lesson sometimes. Yay

--------

I (and my husband) am ex mormon. Its a weird thing. Look into it if you havent recently. Realllllyyyy look into. Takes time to figure it all out in this fuckin fucked up world.

I just moved a year ago. Didnt watch the US stock market as much as I normally do. Had my first snowstorm 10 weeks ago, that was.. fun to handle while ill prepared. About 6 weeks ago I was hopping back on the market and notice its a huge tech bubble about to pop and all the conditions Ive been warned about my whole career imply this is not good. Just took a little more thinking & digging and I'm a little too confident to stop talking about it now.

(Oh I'm also care-free as fuc so I dont really read or desire to change past posts more than lil-nitpicks. More informative for the reader & myself-in-the-future-reading that way)

And I'm not kidding I do love feedback & questions. Its a very public blog tho so I get that part for sure.

If you search "life story" in my tags I had that pinned for a min Im just moving shit around rn

Being poor sucks. Will write more on that later.

---------------

First of all-- the exact timeline of an "economic shock" is literal insanity. Dont worry about the exact timing of any of this-- just know its doomed to happen soon.

Here are some effects I predict of this upcoming economic downturn

If anyone comes across any sources for these events that support my arguments please feel free to add in comments, reblogs, etc.

This concise list is mainly for my own reference, but it would be great to add to it if any one has something to add!

0.5. US Stock market collapse-- I have no desire to try and predict this one exactly. Too many conspiracies are actually correct about this big guy. Lets just say 7 US Tech stocks are worth 25% of the entire worlds market, roughly. "Too big to fail"-- I believe is the phrase

1. Corporate (slightly later will be residential by extension) real estate crisis: currently way too overvalued. Most of the houses, land, & urban corporate property we see could stand to decrease by about 60-90% from its current price.

2. Bankruptcy crisis: similar to the after-effects of the 70s inflation-- we can expect to see a huge wave of bankruptcies affecting a variety of business: from the micro-self employed; to the small business with leased buildings; to the largest corporations who commit massive accounting fraud & hope to escape accountability in time

3. Bank runs-- there is an extremely high overreliance on the Federal Reserve, who does not have good control over this situation. Once it becomes clear that there is a crisis (we call this a catalyst event)-- bank runs for physical cash are a surety. Hard to say how long a crisis like this might last. I should ask my siblings who lived near the SVB bank crisis hotspot (but those were rich fucks they do their "bank runs" over the phone)

3.5. Global currency collapse, which takes effect in every single local, state, & national economy at slightly different times. This means prices lower. Much lower. But takes time

4. Whatever the fuck the geopolitics is gonna do???. Its weird. You got Russia wanting to invade Europe? (Look at global economic forum 2024) Trump wants to let them. Biden wants to be an establishment corporate ass. North Korea has changed its #1 public enemy to South Korea (dont remember my source but it was a couple months ago). USA is stationing more troops in Taiwan, but probably only because of semiconductor technology?

The scope of our global financial woes are larger than can be explained in any of our lifetimes. Its much, much closer to pre-revolution France or the late 1920s. Big change is coming. Itll be soon

5. More to come

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Im Australian and I want to start by saying that our own political system is by no means perfect in fact far from it so this isn’t coming from a place of “we are better” but I’ve noticed a key difference and just interested in your point of view. From the outside in it seems like most Americans idolise your President like really put a lot of faith in them and view them as a saviour almost? Which seems insane because America is a big ass country and soooo complex with soooo many states and walks of life and to put it all on one person seems crazy. I look at Trump and Kamala and wouldn’t trust either of them so would never idolise or put all of my hopes and dreams in their hands. It also seems so divided like blue vs red and no in between. Over here we definitely have different parties and beliefs and policies but we kind of view the government and our leadership as working for or with us like, we are all in it together you know? Obviously not all of the time for example a big stuff up by the Victorian leader during Covid and what happened there. But we look at them as normal ass people who are (hopefully) trying to help us. The US Presidents are like big celebs who are untouchable and seems impossible to get close to or relate to, yet people absolute worship them. Why do you think that is? Please understand I’m not having a go or trying to offend. 🫶🏻

you’re not offensive at all! i would hope people can understand that there are some fundamental differences as to how politics are handled and viewed across countries. and yes, i do understand where you’re coming from, and i actually believe this is precisely why donald trump is president. i’m putting my rant/explanation under a page break because it’s long lol

the american people have, at least in modern times, frequently assessed a candidate’s electability based on the average person’s likelihood of wanting to “have a beer” with them. relatability to the average joe has been a huge metric in american politics, to the point that candidates who are incredibly out of touch get caught in “gotcha” moments trying to seem regular when they are clearly unable to relate to any middle class or impoverished person. donald trump is a mega-wealthy, pompous asshole who has had everything handed to him, but he speaks in a way directly to the american people that appeals to working class americans who sadly are on his communication level. there is a reason he has said he “loves the poorly educated”. there’s a huge identity crisis happening in american politics right now; democrats are not appealing to working class, blue-collar workers the way they are supposed to, considering a primary liberal value is supposed to be uplifting the poor and middle class, protecting union workers, etc. there is no reason poor people in midwestern states should be shifting to donald trump, except democrats have fucked up their messaging and started to hang their hats on trying to control people socially and police/cancel/disappear anyone with dissenting opinion, which has polarized and radicalized folks who were otherwise moderate or even once considered progressive. a great example of this is PA senator john fetterman who outright stated he no longer considers himself such, and it’s because progressives have moved the goal post too far for many average folks whose motivations don’t center around identity politics.

whether my counterparts can accept and admit it or not, america has fully rejected this at every level with this election; donald trump has won the popular vote decidedly. vast majority of people don’t want to argue about pronouns and men in women’s sports or burning flags/shouting death to america at protests, they want someone to help them get ahead and be able to pay their rent/mortgage, buy groceries, be able to afford to visit their doctor and enjoy literally any luxuries beyond just surviving. the average american is not politically engaged enough to do a deep dive on why trump is never going to do that, they just know that it isn’t happening under the current administration and they’re angry and desperate. to the average american, the optics are that trump represents the every man who cannot articulate all that well, is a bit crass and uncouth, and is laughed at by liberal elites who want to cancel them for saying something they perhaps didn’t even realize was offensive. and this country is not ready for a woman president, much less a black one. sadly we have a long, long way to go. i sincerely hope the party i support gets their shit together so this country has a chance to move forward from this chapter, eventually.

[ever-go-on]

Hi there. I wanted to reach out and say thank you for the post you wrote about alter fixation in online DID spaces back in February - I just ran across it today and it has completely upended my view of myself in a super positive way. I'm so, so grateful to you for expressing everything you did so clearly & articulately.

(CW for non-graphic description of mental illness after this point, so if that will distress you, please feel free to stop here and just consider this a heartfelt thank-you note <3)

Back in 2018, I became friends with some folks who were very involved in the tumblr DID community. At the time my untreated anxiety, past trauma & current stresses were combining to produce pretty severe symptoms, including dissociating daily and failing to identify/connect to my emotions or feel like I was real/myself. My friends convinced me that my dissociation + poor sense of identity meant I had DID, and I ended up believing it myself. I started to label "alters" and generally conform to the experience of DID that was discussed by the community here on tumblr.

Maybe a year or two after I finally, thankfully cut off all contact with them, I realised I didn't have DID. My "symptoms" had faded and slowly disappeared once I was no longer being persuaded to misidentify my anxiety symptoms as symptoms of DID, but I was still so confused about what had actually happened, & how and why I'd ended up at the conclusions I had.

I'd kind of resolved myself to never really understanding what had happened, and then today I read your post and everything suddenly just made so much sense. Whether my friends really did have DID or not, I don't know. But the version of DID they projected onto me was absolutely that alter-fixated, every-alter-is-distinct version you described in your post, and it totally convinced me that my dissociation + identity crisis was actually DID rather than just regular old struggling-to-know-who-I-was. Of course there are people who do experience their DID like that! But I wasn't one, and I was misled into thinking I was, and it did so much harm, and set back my recovery for such a long time because I was focusing on completely the wrong thing.

Thankfully I am doing much better now - my anxiety is medicated and much more under control, my symptoms are massively reduced, and I've made so much progress in understanding myself & solidifying my sense of self. All this is a very long-winded way of saying, as a person who was misled by tumblr's discussions of DID into thinking they had it, that I am so, so grateful for your post for helping me to understand my experiences back then & put them in the context of what was actually wrong with me.

<3

im really glad that you've improved since! and im so glad my words and rambles have helped you process what happened. identity issues are never easy. thank you for sending this <3

[pigswithwings]

whats ultrakill im very curious

GRINS. SO BASICALLY. (this will be long and I will be YELLING underneath the cut because I feel very strongly about ultrakill)

ULTRAKILL (ALL CAPS) IS A FIRST PERSON SHOOTER GAME THAT IS ALL ABOUT GOING THROUGH THE LAYERS OF HELL. IT WAS CREATED BY ARSI PATALA, ALSO KNOWN AS HAKITA, AS WELL AS MANY OTHERS. ULTRAKILL IS NOT FULLY FINISHED BUT IT DOES CURRENTLY CONSIST OF TWO PARTS (ALSO CALLED ACTS), WITH A THIRD ACT IN DEVELOPMENT RIGHT NOW.

anyways ULTRAKILL's wacky setting in Literal Hell isn't the only unique thing about this game. things such as YOU ARE A ROBOT (called v1) AND YOU KILL CREATURES OF FLESH AND MUST USE THEIR BLOOD / GUTS TO REGAIN YOUR OWN HEALTH is really fun. i am not explaining this concept this is just a given fact in this game. so you can guess how the game might be associated with a lot of violence and (albeit pixelated) gore. that's another thing I forgot to mention: ULTRAKILL has a really cool aesthetic (what with the graphics being based around vintage shooter games) it is very cool to play + watch people play it

AND ALSO you know the whole "you have to bathe in blood to heal" WELL THAT MAKES THE FIGHTING FUN because it encourages players to get up close to enemies and play quickly and in a more risk taking style and I LIKE that I LOVE when the combat is fast but not "I can't see what I'm doing" level of fast and ULTRAKILL DELIVERS ON THAT. let's talk about the fighting now actually.

so you can run and dash and slide and jump and all of these actions either get you very fast or very far. the game basically encourages you to go at a breakneck speed ( also kill as fast as you can - there is what is called a "style" meter that ranks you based on how fast and well you can dispatch enemies) and overall it is genuinely very exhilarating.

the enemies are. well you're in Literal Hell so they look just a little bit weird. most are made of flesh and blood but they're all shaped in unique ways that lets you recognise them pretty quickly. but there are also boss fights that include Regular People like the archangel fucking Gabriel (it's okay he's normal and Not having an identity crisis! and he's Not working that out through slightly homoerotic violence with you, the player) and King Minos (it's okay he's normal and Not incredibly regretful of his ruined kingdom and resentful of you for your actions) and V2 (it's okay this guy isn't You but Red) and a bunch more but they're all so cool. of course each of them is a different difficulty and skillset but god damn if each of them arent incredibly unique and shit. really cool stuff for real.

DID I TALK ABOUT THE MUSIC? YOU'RE GOING TO HEAR ABOUT THE MUSIC ANYWAYS ULTRAKILL's music has been described as "breakcore" and whatnot and it does frequently use samples of the Amen Break (that's the fast paced drum break used in hundreds of songs. you know the one go look it up mate) and it really helps to set the mood and tone for most levels and fights. but also the game frequently makes use of droning / bass tones for more serious scenes and there is even some piano pieces in there for special levels!! and I am a sucker for piano for you know how that goes. seriously please listen to the ultrakill ost it is so.

I dunno I just think ultrakill has a lot of love put into it (you can literally look up Hakita's development videos from FIVE YEARS AGO) and it's really recognizable. I haven't even mentioned the Easter eggs or how most of the negative reviews on Steam ask for robot gay sex or even most of the lore here but this is just a general overview. but I would love to learn more and analyze the lore of the game much much more. it's amazing. I an trying to learn how to draw them. thanks for listening I am not normal about this game