#please god can i talk to people normally
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#please god can i talk to people normally#see its not just me being weird. thats like fine.#its the fact that everytime i talk to someone it sounds like its the first time ive ever spoken to another human being#and i have to sit tomorrow and get my exam papers back#when i know damn well i failed everything#fucking kill me genuinely#i hope my papers get completely destroyed in some freak accident so i dont have to confront the fact that im doing worse than ever#sleepys postings
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I was spinning the TFO Characters around in my head and this happened. I am an enjoyer of "TFO Bee is older than OP and Elita and D" so I went a little nutso about it. I really hope this makes an ounce of sense bc this was very stream of conscious.
Optimus is digging though some ex-miners data files. Partially to ensure everything is updated but mostly to see if Sentinel did anything else to them... aaaaaand OP just wants to snoop a bit; sue him. "Huh, I wonder if I can find B's file," OP thought. And he could, because he dug through nearly every cabinet twice before he found it. Bee must have pissed Sentinel off something fierce bc he buried his file in with the old bot's so no one could find it. Surrounded by haphazard piles of data pads, Optimus gets comfy and starts snooping.
Bee has a very long list of infractions: 30 counts of talking back to superiors (D would hate him for that), 158 counts of ignoring protocol (Elita would have his head on a pike), 29 counts of breaking and entering (A bot after OP's own spark), 8 counts of theft (damn), 2 counts of arson (Damn), 4 counts for participating in a riot (DAmn), 2 counts of assaulting a superior (DAMN), 1 count for conspiracy against the government (HUH?), 1 count for bot-slaughter ((⊙_⊙)). How did OP not hear about any of this, this sounds like something every miner would know about? A miner assaulting a superior? The rumour mill would have had a field day with that alone. OP moves on to Bee's assignments, maybe there's a reason this news never got to OP's mining sector. Damn, that's a lot of sectors: 3, 7, 10, 11, 14, 19, 23, 26, 27, 30, 35- wait, that was OP's sector, when was Bee there? OP doesn't remember any yellow bots running around committing arson? Field medic, tool repair, tool fabrication, Prototype jetpack testing- Testing? Those things were older than OP; why would Bee be testing them? It doesn't even mention his assignment to sub level 50!! The questions continue to gather as OP reads on, confusing him more and more.
Elita interrupts his confused scrolling by walking into the room to tell OP something. OP ignores her words and franticly shoves Bee's file in her face. Elita is older than OP (Not by much), maybe she knows something about Bee. She doesn't, and now both of them are confused. Was there another guy named B-127 in the past? Was current Bee a clone? Wtf is going on?? The two of them begin going down a rabbit hole. They dig through every wayward file they can find. They get so desperate that, during a skirmish with the Decepticons, they ask Megatron if he knows anything. They get a data pad with Bee's info and glue a magnet to the back. During the fight, OP gets into a one on one with Meggy and slaps the datapad onto his back before the cons retreat. Yes this is the dumbest thing they've ever done, hopefully Meg doesn't ignore them. Also what did you want to tell me before, I completely forgot to ask-
Megatron is ignoring the datapad that OP stuck to his back. It's been stuck to the wall of his room since he threw it there. He glares at it a lot. Eventually, he gets curious and reads it, maybe OP apologized for being a backstabbing bitch. He did not; it's a copy of B-127's personal file with a lot of question marks and circles drawn on everything. Meg gives it a read, curious about his frie-EX Friend. He's taken aback by how long the infraction list is (conspiracy against the government? Bot-Slaughter? Sounds like Meg's kinda bot) and how extensive OP's notes are. He taps at the screen a few times before turning the pad off and stowing it in his subspace.
During their next fight, Megatron returns the data pad by shoving the magnet against Optimus's face.
After returning, Optimus turns on the data pad. There are three things added by Megatron. 1: A circle around a line of fine print at the end of the Assignments tab, "Permanently reassigned to Waste Management on Sub-level 50." Optimus's own frantic writing is just above it "SUB-LEVEL 50????" (that is the smuggest circle known to Cybertron). 2: A sentence next to Bee's medical records "What is his listed Spark Date?" and 3: A sentence at the top of the first page, "Have you asked B-127 about this?"
OP and Elita did not ask Bee about any of this. The thought never crossed their minds. Bee even helped them sort through old data pads! They feel incredibly stupid. Elita is too proud to go and ask so OP slips it into his and Bee's next one-on-one convo.
OP: Hey Bee, I found your data file in the Miner records.
B: Oh cool! Let me see, I want to see what's on it.
OP: *gives data pad*
B: Oh wow, this thing is long. They really wrote down everything- Oh, I've got a funny story about sector 23, there was this bot I knew, cool guy you would like him, and he had this thing-
OP: Actually, Bee... can I ask you a few questions? About your file?
B: Shoot, big guy.
OP: ...Arson? Assault? Conspiracy?
B: What about that?
OP: They're in your file, it says you've done them.
B: Oh yeah, no, I've done them. I mean, who hasn't? Wait, is it bad that I've worked against the government now that I'm a government employee?
OP: So you've actually done all this??
B: Yeah, why? I thought you guys knew this stuff.
OP: What?
Bee then explains how he was apart of a rebel organization that wanted better lives for the cogless. He had joined pretty early on and was pretty good at talking loud enough without a loudspeaker that he became the face of the org. Things were going pretty well; bots were listening, and changes were getting implemented, all that good stuff. Sure there were a few riots but you can't make a space omelette without breaking a few space eggs (tf is a space egg...). Eventually, Sentinel got sick of them so he ordered them to be rounded up and thrown in jail. Bee was the first to get caught, but he didn't snitch on the rest of his group, so he was sent down to Sub-level 50. Never heard what happened to everyone else after that.
Optimus hears all this and immediately drags Bee to the file room to find more info. It takes a hot minute but they find the record of the org Bee was a part of. It got dissolved before OP was sparked. Flabbergasted, OP asks Bee when he got sparked.
B: *Holding pad with poster of Bee's face* Oh, this brings back memories. I actually knew the bot who made these. I wonder if she's still doing these...
OP: Bee, how old are you, exactly. When did you get sparked?
B: uhhh, let me get back to you on that one.
OP: Bee, you got put in Sub-level 50 before I was born, how old are you?
B: I'm gonna be real, I do not know how long I was down there. Time kinda blurs after a while. Ho-How old are you?
OP: 16 cycles.
B: I was down there for over 16 cycles?? Primus below, is anyone still alive? Oh, right, age. uuuuuuhhhh, 48? Cycles? I think? Around there. Hey, did you see any files for a bot named Knockout? I would like to see it for no personal reasons whatsoever-
OP: Bee you were sparked right after the primes died wtF-
Chaos ensues. OP comms Elita and she immediately stops whatever she was doing to join the two in the file room. OP is freaking out bc he thought Bee was around his age, what do you mean you're actually double my age. You should be running the government, not me, I'M A BABY COMPARED TO YOU. Elita is pacing around trying to make sense of Bee's past, what do you mean you were the face of an organization, what do you mean you successfully implemented the miners right to clean energon, what do yoU MEAN. Bee is ignoring both of them and franticly looking for his friends' files, hoping at least a few of them are still alive. Or just one, specifically a red one that was a field medic oh please let him still be around at least-
Eventually everyone calms down and they talk about it. Optimus and Elita get to learn about the other time the miners tried to rise up and get better treatment. Gotta love a impromptu history lesson. Bee's best guess as to why the org was wiped from history was bc Sentinel didn't want any other miners getting any ideas and doing it again. They figure out Bee was actually down in Sub-level 50 for about 20 cycles, give or take, which spurs an actual search for anyone he knew before (B: pls pls pls pls pls living bf pls pls pls pls). Primus must have been smiling up at them because they do find several bots Bee knew from before. Good time is had all around. Reunions and meet ups, parties and get togethers, everything a bunch of old bots do after not seeing each other for a long time. They get to reminisce on all the old crimes they committed together (OP and E1 are v concerned bc is this normal? Are we going to turn into this?) They have a lot of shit to catch up on and everything is pretty great actually.
During their next fight, Megatron gets another data pad stuck onto his back. When he turns it on, the only thing on it is a selfie Bee took at his Spark day party, with the "Happy 49th Spark Day!" sign in the background. The photo's caption says, "(Yes, It's correct) Miss you lots! Hope you're less of an angry glitch the next time I see you!"
If anyone wants to take this idea and do it better, please do, I am not very good at this. Proper formatting is not my specialty.
#personal stuff#macaddam#bumblebee#tf bumblebee#tfo bumblebee#b 127#macadam#transformers one#orion pax#elita one#tf1#tf one megatron#tf one#d 16#tf one orion pax#tf one optimus#maccadams#maccadam#yes I added knockout to tfone what of it#you cant stop me#hashtag bring back knockout hashtag please hashtag i beg of thee hashtag I miss him please#no i didn't hint at kobb what are you talking about#it just came like that I didn't add anything don't look at my reblogs#I do not think I can write Bee and Meg being normal about each other to save my life#ik they're barely in this but still#god I need to finish editing that post so people understand my brain rot#transformers
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the ii neg tumblr blog is like my actual personal #1 enemy i cant BELIEVE they followed me over a joke ask i responded to over a year ago (i blocked them and have blocked every account they've remade lmao) just such hateful bullshit looking for ANY excuse to attack this random youtube webseries and the ppl who work on it including MANY STATEMENTS that are just straight up not true. someone could send them an ask like "hey justin is actually homophobic and called me slurs irl i hope they all die in a car crash <3" and they will post it without any questions. no further research cuz it isnt about what's true or actually offering constructive criticism on the writing of the show it's about being hateful and cruel and spreading lies & death threats. some actual famous people dont have accounts as dedicated to attacking them and every aspect of their identity and career as these random ass guys who make a YOUTUBE WEBSERIES do like why are you actively wishing death upon them?? are you insane?
IF YOU DONT LIKE THE SHOW THEN STOP WATCHING IT. DONT ENGAGE? like do you seriously have fucking nothing better to do than spread lies online about literal nobodies with the smallest amount of online influence. for reasons i cannot even fathom. be so fucking serious
#it's like the worst parts of the su crit side of tumblr circa 2018 except about people who are LITERALLY not famous#like even if ur gonna have bullshit “criticism” about ii at least keep it about the actual show#harassing the cast & crew and spreading malicious lies is sooo fucking sick#like tumblr BANNED your blog for ABUSE AND PHYSICAL THREATS OF VIOLENCE#why would you REMAKE IT?????#like just leave. move on with your life. what could you be getting out of this can you please find some joy and positivity#that you are so clearly lacking#blah blah disclaimer there are actual legitimate things to criticize about ii and some of the writing decisions#although i still think holding them to the standard of a professional tv show with a writing room is unfair and kinda ridiculous#but even if they actually cared about that it's like 5% of their content. if ur gonna critique ii be normal and polite about it#which you should do with ANYONE especially when talking about their decade-long passion project regardless of how “famous” they are#but for fucks sake leave the crew alone. wouldnt blame them if they decided to go entirely offline#they've definitely Stepped Away for the time being which is for the best even if i miss some of their thoughts + insight#sorry i accidentally was reminded that blog existed and read some of the shit they've been saying and was overcome with rage#WHY ARE PEOPLE SO MEAN. social justice (which they are not doing under any circumstances) is not an excuse to be so cruel and hateful#anyway if the osc gets even like 10% more negative on god im leaving again#which im sure most people would be happy about#but either way im still tormenting the timeline#txt#/ ii neg#<- just in casee
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This is far from my best work, but it's 1:30am, and I needed to get this down before I slept or lost my mind. So here, take a snippet of Rook seeing Zara again for the first time in 3 years.
Trying, and failing, to keep his voice from shaking, [Rook] said “Hello, Captain.” Mouth still open in surprise, [Zara] replied “Well, hello yourself.” The reality of what she was seeing seemed to hit her as she rounded the desk. “Rook, is that really you?” He nodded. “It’s me.” Zara ran towards him, stopping just short of touching him, and said “What did she do to you?” Rook’s heart stuttered and he had to brush his fingers together to confirm Sigmar’s ring was still in place. Could she possibly see through its illusion? But then he remembered what Lanny had said. She knew where you were. His throat clenched and he choked out “Two years.” A wave of grief swept across Zara’s face as she said “I’m so, so sorry.” Rook shook his head vigorously. “It’s not your fault.” Zara ignored him. “It is my fault. I failed you. As your captain, it’s my responsibility to keep you safe, and I failed you.” Rook wanted to say something, to reassure her, but she pushed on. “She sent me letters, told me all the terrible things she was doing to you. I… I let you down.” Those words hit Rook with the force of a dozen cannonballs. Lanny had said that Zara knew Wolf had him, but knowing that Zara had been aware of what Wolf was doing to him… somehow that was more painful than any wound Wolf had ever inflicted. He barely managed to force his next words out around the lump in his throat. “Where were you?” And why didn’t you come? “She said she’d kill you if I came to get you. Or if I hired anyone to get you. You’re standing here because I stopped sailing.”
(honorary one-time tag for @space-writes bc I remember you enjoyed my other bits about Rook and Zara.)
#morrigan.text#my writing#dnd writing#oc: Rook#oc: Zara#btw when I say that what she said was more painful than any wound wolf inflicted I'm not just talking about her not saving him.#it also just hurts him to know that she was hurting too.#she left him with that woman for two years (to save his life yes. but she left him there all the same) and yet half of his thoughts are#''I'm sorry I hurt you.''#ROOK. MY BELOVED BABY BOY. PLEASE.#STOP APOLOGIZING.#also if anyone needs a cheering up after this please know that their conversation got interrupted by a giant snake showing up and zara#immediately asking Rook ''WHAT DID YOU DO???'' bc she knows her boy.#and he's like ''idk I just woke up like an hour ago'' and then he suddenly remembers that he swore like 3 times (town rules say no to that)#and he just goes ''SHIT'' and Zara fucking clamps her hand over his mouth and says ''take that back!''#and through her hand he says ''how the fuck am I supposed to take that back?'' and she just clamps his mouth harder.#oh. and the time he swore earlier was bc he stepped outside and got spit on by a bull and he was like ''is this normal??''#and someone said ''I've never seen that happen but these animals are part of [big snake almost-god]'s menagerie'' and hands Rook a paper#with all the town rules (there are many). And he goes ''what the fuck?'' and then he gets to the rule that reads ''no swearing'' and he goe#''SHIT!'' and then he realizes what he says and goes ''AAAHHHH.'' and I was cackling.#I was doing this on purpose btw. I knew that this would make the snake mad at me and I did it anyway bc I am a chaos gremlin.#however I did NOT know I would get Rook's only friend from before the party killed by doing this. RIP Jay. I loved you so much.#but yeah. my boy swears like a sailor bc he is one. and it did in fact get people killed. But it was funny to me.#ALSO when she met the party the first thing she said was ''thank you for saving my boy'' and I almost sobbed.#like yeah. he is her boy.#I'm going to explode just thinking about it.#okay if you read all these tags I love you forever and please feel free to yell at my idiot boy in the comments/tags/wherever.#maybe if enough of us join in he'll actually listen. (no he won't)#OH RIGHT. And the party is finally staring to realize how much of a capital L Liar this man is.#because they can literally see him catching himself about to say ''I'm fine'' every time they ask how he's doing
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honestly things would be a bit easier if I could tell people I’m characters irl
#lemon man talks#It would be easier as in I would feel more me#But i have way too much to fix and heal before caring about telling people im fictionkin#Gods I need. A diagnosis so bad#I’ve felt miserable since I can remember#Which is like#5 years old#I don’t think a five year old should feel miserable all the time idk just a thought#I hate myself so muchhh can I just be normal please#Accidentally hurt myself at the market today and it made me remember things and have intrusive thoughts and I’m fucking scared of relapsing#Today was so terrible#🌻 | fictionkin stuff
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ace attorney always has something going on that makes it a little unbelievable but i think you get used to it after like the first three cases in the entire game because they force you to accept that maya can just turn into her deceased sister at any time for funsies
#that was actually so insane please tell me i’m not the only one that had to do multiple double takes when that started happenjng#at first i was like okay phoenix is experiencing grief induced psychosis whatever#but then it kept happening. and then maya was like ‘oh you didn’t know we could do this???’ and everyone just goes along with it#so then at that point it’s like okay whatever everything is normal#the cross examinnng a parrot thing is not crazier than the talking to dead people thing#ace attorney#maya fey#mia fey#phoenix wright#pw aa#ace attorney trilogy#also like#i’m not even done w the second case of apollo justice#but like what in gods name is this bracelet thing#like oh okay ur bracelet can talk to you or whatever#yes apollo i believe you apollo whatever you say apollo
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it’s very funny how this fandom suddenly cares so much about sensitivity, meanwhile no one was up in arms about folks calling valeria shit like “cartel mommy” and simping for her. and, if you point this out, you get told that it’s “less important” or incomparable. way to tell victims of cartel violence that they don’t matter. y’all can’t preach about sensitivity and mindfulness while doing the exact opposite of that.
sensitivity is something that needed to be brought up a long time ago. people need to be mindful about the content they’re engaging with and producing. COD and its characters are based on very real issues and very real situations, mindfulness is needed for every single character.
seeing this only be brought up in the context of makarov and graves is honestly so, so frustrating. they’re not the only problematic characters that you need to consider when making content. western militaries like the US and UK are incredibly controversial and have devastated vulnerable people and their countries. price, ghost, soap, gaz— any member of the military, especially the special forces, is problematic. they’re not good people and should not be treated like saints, nor should they be idolized for what they do.
that all being said, the concepts of “be mindful and sensitive when making content” and “let people enjoy problematic media” can absolutely, 100%, co-exist. art is not meant to be a paradigm of moral goodness, it has always been a medium for people to explore things that are considered "taboo" in a safe space. there's a reason why "dead dove: do not eat" exists as a genre – with proper warning and precautions put in place, people can explore darker topics. for some, it's morbid interest. for others, it's a way of coping with trauma and experiences they've had in real life.
i want to repeat this just to make it very clear: be mindful and sensitive with the content you're producing. do not romanticize topics that should not be painted in a good light. don't minimize the impact of characters' actions or act like people are in the wrong for being uncomfortable with them. in this fandom especially, people treat atrocities like jokes because we're becoming desensitized to them. it's up to every individual to ensure that they don't forget how impactful a lot of this stuff is in real life. war is not a joke. terrorism is not a joke. people dying is not a joke. do not romanticize any of these things in your content, even if you're exploring the different sides of the people behind these things.
humanize the characters all you want. horrible people are still people, after all. humans are not one-dimensional beings. humanize them, but do not romanticize them.
be kind to victims, be sensitive, and be mindful about what you engage with. no one is perfect, no thing is perfect, but we can always do better. we need to approach every topic through this lens instead of picking and choosing who to support. everyone is deserving of it, everyone is entitled to basic respect. we don't need to compete and argue over who has it worse, we just need to be better across the board. support real victims. don't let media warp your perceptions of reality. be conscious of the content you make and consume.
#call of duty#cod#cod mw2#mw2#modern warfare#putting it in very clear words because i'm scared people may misinterpret what i'm saying:#for the love of god— LISTEN when people tell you that you're doing something wrong.#especially if these are victims or people knowledgeable of the topics you're portraying.#do your research. learn about the things you're writing or reading about.#do not portray bad people or harmful things in a positive light.#it's completely possible to “simp” for villains without disregarding or defending their actions. these characters are fictional.#it's better to get your rocks off to a set of pixels modeled after a normal person than a REAL person that does harm.#but be cognizant of what you're looking at when you do.#if you can support real victims— please do.#donate to ukraine. educate yourself on the war. learn about the harsh reality of cartels. study the impact of colonization and racism.#not only is it good to be informed of things in the real world— but it allows you to better understand these topics in the media.#i'm FAR from perfect. i'm not immune to doing wrong. i'm no exception to this criticism.#also wanted to throw this into the post but i may make another to address this specifically:#it is VERY telling that this fandom only started talking about sensitivity once (predominantly) white folks started being impacted by it.#no one cared about valeria being called “cartel mommy��� or the cartel being romanticized.#graves gets criticized for being racist. but even he's often given a “pass” by the fandom.
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Ok but sometimes the most infuriating political stance a person can have is point blank refusing to discuss social issues with you when you bring it up because they "don't want to get political". Don't open the tags unless you want to read a rant
#my random stuff#vaguepost#vent post#like... babes. how do i explain EVERY DAMN THING YOU DO can be considered political by some metric#YES that includes your silence#also the fact that they will happily talk about being a socialist and fuck the tories and everything#but then if i ever want to discuss something that doesn't directly affect them they will literally just shut me down#like i know our normal friendship consists of sunshine and rainbows and silliness#but I'd fucking appreciate if you didn't ruin that friendship by refusing to agree with me about things that should be a no brainer#I can't even discuss fucking JK ROWLING with them!! because their sibling loves harry potter and they always say “it's just a kids series”#and “let them have their nostalgia”#OH I'M SORRY.#DOES YOUR FUCKING NOSTALGIA MEAN MORE TO YOU THAN MY LITERAL SURVIVAL AND HEALTH???#like. I'm sorry but there's more important things here#babygirl i don't know how to explain to you#that if a political party said they were going to kill all lefties people BUT give all right handed people unlimited access to horror films#you would vote for them wouldn't you?#even though I'm left handed you'd say “of course i support left handedness how can you even question that”#<- shit metaphor. i know.#but i could point out “yeah they want to kill me” and they'd say “I just don't know enough about it to discuss this; sorry”#like??? if you don't know enough#maybe. fucking?? educate yourself??? by having discussions about it???#PLEASE pull your head out the sand sweetie#saying you care is just empty fucking words#i shouldn't be saying this; they're one of my oldest friends but GOD.#if you can't even agree with me about jkr being a fucking holocaust denier we're going to keep having problems
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-_______-
#ngl ive been needing to put this somewhere but like#please explain to me how youre supposed to control what pokemon somebody likes#every time i look at sables pokemon tastes n theyre similar to my ex's im just like Ok. like what am i supposed to do about that help#but my ex was like youre giving MY pokemon to THEM meaning YOU hate ME#me when theres literally multiple of the same type of pokemon. what do you want me to do#mind you i gave them furfrou. because it looks like their sona. and they got soooooo up in arms about that for no fucking reason#and god forbid they just happen to also like decidueye. oh my god#like does any of what im describing and have been describing on this blog sound normal or healthy to any of you. be forreal#i recognize my hypocrisy about the fox thing but even still theyre both different. like maybe if he rped as a furfrou and like#talked about furfrou literally all the time help#its different when youve made smth your identity. brother it was just a pokemon you liked and you forgot it existed half the time#its not like i gave them skitty? like im so over it help#looking back on everything n realizing how unhealthy and insane most of my relationships were w these people bruh#im just glad that anxiety and worry he was constantly inflicting upon me is gone#cus i can tell you rn i dont miss any of it#angelo is literally like the vacation ive been needing jesus chriiiist
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.
#god i loathe people#i understand that everyone is entitled to their.......can i call it grief? tbd#but i implore you please don't make me deal with it#sounds selfish but if i'm being honest who's helping me cope with my grief?#who's going to make me feel better about this situation?#more importantly it's a rhetorical question because no one can#i mean it when i say that i barely have the energy to wake up & function normally every day#to not let the absence weigh me down because life unfortunately has to go on regardless of whether i have my shit together or not#the last thing i want is to have anyone project how they feel onto me#again feelings? valid#behaving in a way that's not justified? i'm not sorry but no#you want to go talk to other fans who are in the same boat? be my guest#but i've said it once i have to say it one final time: you do NOT have to live with the reality of any of this#so stop saying you can relate because you can't and i may be too tired/sad to be annoyed#but my god enough is fucking enough#i'm not entertaining any more questions/discussions unless they come from those i know only care about my well being#and that's honest to god the end of it#ugh#steph.text
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sooooo
I'm 32 now
when can I expect to finally grow out of getting obsessed with men people stuff? I'm waiting....
#I doooo not want it#it's embarrassing#can it stop please#BUT also can I not feel depressed and like an empty shell when it's not happening#I mean I can handle it when it's things. hobbies. shows. whatever#sure it usually ends up being expensive as fuck but#at least I don't go around humiliating myself by talking about nothing but a random guy for months on end#how embarrassing! I think a man is hot! I must jump off a cliff immediately#but whyyyy can't I be normal about it at least#other people get obsessed with normal things! like. idk. anything else#soo anyway the opening narration for the texas chainsaw massacre is great isn't it? he did such a good job :) what a nice voice :) I am not#going to be weird about this man any longer :) no I won't! I'm normal about him! I don't want to bite him or chew on his face or anything#like that. just normal things. uh. sex? that's what people usually want. yeah fine that. I mean I do. want. oh I think I'm doing it again#haha no it's fine I just think he's neat (he's the only person on earth no one else exists anymore he's so beautiful oh my god have you seen#his little face he looks like a cute little potato I've never seen anything prettier in my life haha I need to run my hands through his hair#and have you seen how tall he is and he's so cute and I need to. be taken outside and shot. god.#I keep. shrieking. every time I see him. at such a high frequency that it hurts my own fucking ears. because. I can't believe that he exists#I'm. so. stupid!!!!#annnd repeat this every time this happens blah blah blah i should jsut delete this blog right now oh my GOD.
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you ever just see a post and just
. 😭
.⬅️🫀⬅️
#Worst emoji combo ever but it’s gon be such big depression hours down here so scroll if you want im on the brink of throwing up#don’t you just bloody love it how over the past 3 years you’ve only seen people the large total of…. 4 times!!! An average of seeing someon#outside of school 1.3 times per year!! What a bloody fantastic way to spend your teenage years!#Don’t you also just love it when people talk right to you about how they all went out together over the weekend and like did some stupid#shit like your average high schooler would do and you’re just like “oh. I went to my 1 and a half hour long dance class and got ignored the#entire time and when you did try to talk they just spoke over you” oh my fucking god I hate that place so much even the teacher fucking#ignores me once we were going in a circle and she was asking everyone what they got for Christmas and I was in the middle of the circle so#thought hey maybe someone will actually acknowledge my existence but she fucking ignored me and went to next person like why the fuck#And now I’m debating staying in that shithole bc I was invited to a gc for that class and I stupidly thought that someone might want me#There. I wasn’t even invited I secretly scanned the qr code to join over someone else’s shoulder#everyone else there is the best of bloody friends and I’m just there talking to one friend who I don’t even think is my friend#“Hey man I’m really fucking sad rn can I talk to you” “womp womp have you heard stupid fact no.3848594 about my ocs while I ignore you when#you talk about anything else about me” oh my god shut up literally no one else sane would see someone like that their closest friend rn#At least someone wants to talk to me#Like what is it that makes people not want to see my please just tell me I’ll change I’m amazing at changing my personality to fit others#promise me on that I’ve done it my entire life#Even just messaging me more than once every year and I’d consider you my best friend this is how bad I’m getting#What is so bloody bad about me that no one else likes I don’t care how badly you fucking word it just something#It shouldn’t be normal to wish death on people you call your mates bc you heard about them all going out together without you#Oh dear did the gc’s without me in it there’s one for every friend group I’ve ever been in why isn’t there one for the main group I’m in rn#Idfc anymore just tell me what I’m doing wrong I keep asking people if they want to go out or how far away they live from some place#And it’s always met with ignoring me talking over me or immediately changing the subject#Please if you’re someone I know irl what the fuck am I doing fucking wrong I can’t fucking do this anymore be as mean as you like#Why the fuck does no one ever want to be around me why do I hear so much about stuff others are doing together but never me#It shouldn’t be normal to prefer being in a toxic relationship than what I’m in rn#I fucking hate everything
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God I wish I could be on a different planet rn. @ any clone take me into your fucking arms
#tag vent incoming ->#god i fucking. hate. not being able to be normal abt people talking in other rooms#the moment the MOMENT i hear my parents voices in their bedroom or in the living room or wherever the fuck that isnt my bedroom#i immediately just. freeze up. i lock tf up and hone in everything into listening#searching for intonations to determine moods#waiting for raised voices#waiting for screaming waiting for crying waiting for absolutely foundation-quaking yells of fury and frustration#things have been mostly alright lately but#hell even back at college i would end up locking up when i heard people yelling down the hall#when i was 50+ miles away from home with complete strangers#but my body jumped to 'your parents are yelling again and youre caught in the middle again'#i just want one day. one day where i can feel safe#one day where i can hear people talking in the next room over and not turn into a statue intent on listening and playing crowd control#re;my post: @any clone take me into your fucking arms. please.#any fucked up backwater planet youre deployed on is better than here
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currently feeling the rage™️
#personal#my dumbass neighbor has been playing music for three hrs starting at 9am#and just like loudly moving shit in their kitchen#then my friends once again ignored me talking about myself#bc they literally don't give af to listen to other people#instead of answering me they asked if anyone had cash#like bruh#i do have cash but fuck u u aint getting it#so rude#i am anger rn#like my past friend and i knew every little detail about each other#now god forbid i try to talk about my life its not an option#people are nuts#its like i go from one person w a fatal flaw to the next person w a fatal flaw in an endless cycle#not saying im perfect but at least i listen to the people i call my friends tf#and i dont manipulate them like my past friends to get what i want#or take videos of them crying about the death of their childhood dog#lord please send me people that are normal#can i get some fuckinnnn uhhhhh compassion#everyone is so self absorbed i stg#like u werent punished for existing and it shows#u werent punished for having needs and it shows GOD#one day......ill have people who do the bare minimum#one day..........#......right#or am i punished to this lonely existence#then they wonder why i stopped hanging out w them as much#like girl its bc i literally cant talk about anything without yall changing the subject immediately and or not listening#like talk to urself in the mirror it would probably have the same effect#its like being friends w a wall
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having did and being online in any capacity is so fucking exhausting because you literally can't go anywhere without seeing the most heinous takes about your existence or validity it's like. can we be normal. can we please be normal and Chill for like two seconds.
#HEADS UP: this accidentally turned into a huge rant/vent feel free to get the hell out el oh el#i try reallly hard not to talk about it too much here because you can. offhandedly mention the mere concept of did or osdd or any#dissociative disorder and its like. people will not shut up about how its not real or how its people being delusional or kids being cringe#like. can we go. two seconds without treating people with mental disorders like a spectacle. please. you dont have to have a ''take'' on it#idk and i also avoid online did communities bc theyre the most exhausting spaces you can ever be in and theres constant fighting about#literally anything and everything. like. maybe i would like to find a space to meet other people with similar experiences to my own.#and we dont get that!! we literally cannot get that. and this goes for a lot of mental health related stuff but like my god#and im very lucky to have other people i know in real life who also have did so i can in some amount have that support system (hah.)#but it is EXHAUSTINGG that people cannot go literally a day without saying something stupid about systems#or i can be following someone for years and unprompted they will saysomething heinous thing about did and hide it behind something like#get a load of how weird and cringey kids are getting online these days.#and CHRISTT thats a whole OTHER issue i REALLY dont wanna talk about because it has its own whole set of nuances but like jeeeesus#is it really so hard for people to grasp that brains when exposed to traumas at a young age will be affected by it in weird ways.#idk man ive been seeing a lot of offhanded disregard for systems recently and it's so normalized and it's starting to get to me i guess#i wish people could just go well this is something i dont understand and dont need to have an opinion on and move on with their lives.#what the hell ever this is all to say having did has impacted my life in a lot of complicated and intricate and hard to explain ways and it#sometimes painful and awful but other times is an incredible experience and ALSO. most IMPORTANTLY !#i should be able to make jokes about BEING FRIENDS with SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!! in REAL LIFE!!!#and not have to deal with SUICIDE BAIT IN MY INBOXX BECAUSE OF IT!!!#WHATEVERRR !!! RANT OVARRR I HAVE NOODLES TO MAKE AND EAT#.... WITH my friend SHADOW!!!#.txt#and btw this isnt about anyone ik here so dont worry im not upset with any mutuals etc etc and all that.#in fact i love getting the chance to chat about it n it can be fun to teach stuff to people who know how to like...be normal about it LOL#<3
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Me: I haven't seen any streams or updates about what's happening on the server lately, let's check social media to see what I missed!
Literally the first frickin thing I see: "I can't believe Pac has mommy issues LOL"
Me:
#i talk#stupid fandom opinions that are wildly ooc don't usually bother me THAT much#but this particular one drives me up the frickin wall because it's one of the best examples of#''complete and utter lack of media literacy'' I've seen from the community in a while#just. blatantly understanding Pac as a character and BLATANTLY misinterpreting this scene#Frickin Em literally spelled it out and everyone's like ''lol mommy issues!!! how quirky!!!! xD''#ooc stuff does bother me but it doesnt normally make me MAD but this does. It's just so?????#stupid??? and just??????? I literally cannot comprehend how people can look at that scene#and walk away from it saying ''mommy issues''#Anyways I'm logging out again.#I'm going to writr that giant Pac analysis post once I'm back on desktop#but I'm gonna take a break I literally feel like I lost braincells reading that and what's worse is that it's not just one dumbass#deep sigh.#qsmp talk#fandom wank#it's not really fandom wank but tagging just for the sake of blacklist#It's not fandom wank because I'm RIGHT#I'm usually all for seeing different interpretations of a character but NOT THIS TIME#blatant mischaracterizations that are this bad I don't have patience for#Pac is such a complex character for the love of GOD please stop reducing him to ''quirky tropes'' you think are funny#Anyways. Had to get the salt out so the analysis I post later won't cause sodium poisoning#*** BLATANTLY MISUNDERSTANDING not blatantly understanding. curse you mobile
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