#please give me reviews of this hell i want to see your horror

[spacevixenmusic]

Unfairly Maligned Games, Vol. 2

Games I loved that got low scores, review bombed, or have some other weird negative stigma attached to them that I think is unfairly earned.

NOTE: I don't believe in giving games a number score or a letter grade. Maybe I'm just bad at criticism or very easy to please, whatever.

We Happy Few [2018]

Originally advertised as some kind of procedurally-generated stealth horror survival game that people kept insisting was "like BioShock" even though there is literally zero correlation or even vague resemblance to BioShock, this game's crowdfunded development process was a long hard rollercoaster ride through concept and scope changes, getting picked up by major studios and publishers, a constantly evolving marketing campaign, and a loud, rude blasting of negative press right before and right after launch due to bad take misinformation and some game-breaking bugs on Day One.

We Happy Few started as a Kickstarter project from Compulsion Games, a small studio known only for their previous game Contrast. In Contrast, you play as a child's silent imaginary friend in a cabaret dancer costume who can phase in and out of backgrounds to become a shadow on the wall and solve platforming puzzles. Working together, you help the child navigate through her emotions as her parents struggle through their own relation-shit in an early 1900s European port town. Seeing as their first game was stylish as hell and widely praised among indie crowds, it's no surprise that a Kickstarter for a new game from that studio became an instant success, so much so that it caught the eye of several big studios (Microsoft and Gearbox Publishing), and it quickly turned into a vastly bigger project with many more hands working on it. The proc-gen element was downtuned and streamlined, and the main emphasis of the game became about survival, stealth, and story.

And let me tell you. In terms of story, this game is phenomenal. The simple premise is that you play through the lives of three people living in 1950s-60s England, under a government that is forcing everyone to take these candy pills called Joy that make you instantly and excessively cheerful, so you can easily forget about all the horrible things that the government wants you to forget ever happened about The War, the Missing Children, and all the people still actively dying of malnutrition from the ongoing Famine and all that. The people are mandated to forget their worries, grin and bear it, pretend everything's just peachy keen, and if you refuse to take that pill, people will notice your un-cheerful behavior and call the police to track you down and beat you senseless. Can't have any Downers in our perfectly lovely happy town, now can we?

The game's art direction features two stark parallels between a dreary English village and early 60s-70s psychedelia (with a hint of A Clockwork Orange for good measure), and a soundtrack influenced by bands of the era, such as The Doors, The Beatles, The Byrds, etc. The dichotomy of looting dilapidated rural homes while avoiding plague-ridden peasants versus the rainbow streets and lava lamp light show sex dens in the cities is truly astonishing. It's a game about, funnily enough, Contrasts between the bright and cheerful life everyone is forced to think they're living, and the grim depressing reality that lies underneath. Many people initially assumed this meant the game had some kind of anti-drug message about not relying on your depression medication cause pills can't fix everything, but it's clear right from the get-go that's nowhere near the case. We Happy Few is a story about revisionist history, the pressure to conform, submission to a corrupt system that might not even know what it's doing, and the very British notion of Keeping Calm and Carrying On as if major atrocities hadn't just been committed in a massive world war.

Gameplay-wise, this is a strange hybrid of survival and stealth, with combat definitely being present, but taking a backseat for the most part. It's much easier to distract enemies than fight them, and many of the characters excel at hiding in plain sight, provided you don't do anything to make people suspicious, like running and jumping around or breaking into houses to raid them for food. You do have options and skill trees though, so the game does allow you to tailor it to your own playstyle to a degree. I had significantly more fun playing it slow and methodical, sneaking up and choking out enemies, and watching NPCs bump into each other awkwardly while quoting ancient English literature for no apparent reason. Taking it slow, reading every scrap of paper and Journal I found, my final playtime was about 50~ hours.

Again though, let me gush about the story for a second. The base game has three full chapters, each of which has you play as a different character with different strengths and game mechanics (including such wildly inventive ideas as the burden of motherhood taking up inventory space if you don't periodically check on the baby you have to leave at home, and carefully maintaining a balanced blood sugar level so you don't collapse?!). Their stories are all deeply connected in ways that aren't immediately apparent but are cool as hell once the pieces of the puzzle come together. Each chapter more or less takes place at the same time, but the events always play out slightly differently, because memory-altering drugs fuck with your sense of reality and make us all question the reliability of each narrator. If that wasn't already cool enough, the game also features three DLC packages where you play as three ADDITIONAL characters, each of whom is also a recognizable face in the main story if you're paying attention. These DLCs add even more neat mechanics and open up the story events even more in and around the main game. They were honestly all an absolute blast to play, especially if you were already as invested in the story as I was. And the subject material goes all over the place, touching on such highly specific topics as 60s science fiction, gay lovers, Beatlemania, trippy drug-induced murder mysteries, the British occupation of India, and plenty more. I can't stress enough what a unique storytelling experience this game has to offer. It really is unlike anything else I've ever played! But alas, we should probably talk about why nobody else seems to be as enthused about the game as I am...

Aside from the huge misunderstanding about the game's message, We Happy Few was bombed with criticism on Day One due to some major bugs that hadn't been ironed out - remember, for a $60 game backed by some big names in the industry, it was still very much an indie passion project from the start, and it's clear it wasn't given the full AAA treatment at all. Several big-name Game Reviewers (a field I detest almost as much as Cartoon Reviewers) ripped into the game for its bugs, and while I can't fault people for being mad at broken quests and at least one full-on softlock, not everyone experienced those bugs, and many of them were ironed out in later patches. It's almost like chasing those Day One reviews and videos are a bad idea for people who want to Enjoy Games. Sadly, first impressions are all that seem to matter anymore in gaming, so those early negative reviews still sting to this day. But people out there will give games like Skyrim a perfect 10/10 despite a significant number of similar bugs (hell, they're almost a charm of the series at this point), so why should an indie game not be given the same graces?

In closing? We Happy Few is a phenomenal story in a completely fresh setting that really doesn't feel like anything else before it. The game has been criticized to hell and back for its early bugs or for "boring" gameplay or whatever the Review outlets chose to report, but to me it stands out as an extremely unique experience in a sea of Lowest Common Denominator games. I'd rather play an imperfect or buggy game with a unique or highly niche premise than yet another polished piece of pristine pop pleasure, and I genuinely think people would enjoy games like We Happy Few if they just lowered their goddamn expectations for once in their lives.

[giganonyx]

TBB SEASON 3 SPOILERS

HEADS UP- I WILL BE TAGGING EACH OF MY EPISODE REVIEW THINGS WITH “tbb s3 spoilers”, AND OTHER SPOILER TAGS, PLEASE BLOCK THESE TAGS SO U DONT GET SPOILED!!!

AHHHHH OMEGA MY BABY. She has a pony tail stoppp my child is all grown up I will cry. Ok but she ate the new hairstyle she is slaying.

ERGH SHE HAS BEEN THERE 150 DAYS. Sick and twisted. She contrasts SO heavily with the whole sterile, orderly environment, it’s literally heartbreaking to watch. Forced into this mindless routine, her hopeful attitude constantly being beaten down on?? HURTING. GET HER OUT OF THIS HELL HOLE.

GOD seeing Crosshair look so broken BROKE ME. His shaking hands??? They took away the ONE thing he still had- his superior sniping skills, his steady hand. They took that AWAY from him. FUCKED UP. THEY TORE HIM DOWN. I can’t I’m so sad.

DADDY’S HOMEEEJWJWISNWIANQOQOQB (Hunter was on screen for the first time this season) (He is SO FINE)(MY HUSBAND HAS RETURNED FROM HIS HIATUS IN A TRAUMATIZED STATE BUT NONETHELESS HAS RETURNED TO GRACE MY SCREEN AND BE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE)

I had a horrible sense of dread overtake my body when he said something like “our mission isn’t over yet”… like idk I felt so ILL. PAIN. WHY do I have the feeling my man isn’t going to make it SHUT UP.

ALSO HIM MAKING RECKLESS DECISIONS???? The kidnapping of his daughter and the death of his brother have done a NUMBER on this man.

WRECKER my cutie patootie!! Yk it’s bad when Wrecker starts to become a voice of reason (which, Hunter in his desperate mindset, promptly ignores 😭)

HAHBANQKNSJQQKO CROSSHAIR IS SO FUNNY DURING HIS ESCAPE WITH OMEGA- literal snark fest

Need Omega bullying a mouse droid on repeat.

Stop mouse droid bullying 😭

OOOO NALA SE’S WARNING TO OMEGA TO LEAVE?? I’m scared. And Omega ate it up tho. She said “say less lmao I’m gone ✌️”.

Did palpy not feel a disturbance into the force. Was bro so into the “project Necromancer deets” he couldn’t tell his vessel was peacing out. Common Palpy L.

RUN OMEGA TAKE YOUR SARCASTIC BROTHER WITH U

JUST A GIRL AND HER DOG AND HER GRUMPY BROTHER EHEHEHEHE

OUGAHHH OK OK IM BOUNCING AROUND EPISODES HERE BUT STAY WITH ME

WHEN CROSSHAIR SAID “forget the hound, Omega.”, it lowkey felt like he was talking about himself. He was telling her to forget him, he was a broken animal, with no point in nurturing back to health. She needs to give up on him if she wants to move forward. BUT SHE DIDNT BECAUSE MAMA DIDNT RAISE NO UNLOYAL LOSER. NO. OMEGA IS THE REALEST ONEEEEE.

EMERIE you confuse me. I hate u yet am intrigued by u. Looking forward to her character development ahhhh.

HUNTER MY POOKIE BEAR BACK TO HIM BC that man was doing FLIPS chopping off the eldritch horror vines. They snatched his brother and he said “hell naw hoe let go of my BRO” and just. Went to town. Me when Hunter exists 🎉🎉🎉🎉

OH OU OH IHHIWHAIANQO ALSO THE MYSTERY GUY IN THE GREEN TACTICAL ARMOR?? IS THE ONE DOING THE “TORTURE” OR WHATEVER TO CROSSHAIR AND THAT GROUP OF CLONES??? If that’s really tech I’m gonna scream. You’re telling me he’s torturing his own brother. Tech would never even THINK about doing shit like that the man just wants to read nerdy newspapers. Desecration of the nerd lifestyle. OK I REALLY HOPE ITS HIM. LIKE I REALLY DO. OOO PLEASE I WILL CRY. WHY ELSE WOULD THEY SHOW THIS MYSTERY CLONE. NO NEED. IT HAS TO BE BROWN EYES (delusion).

OK I AM SO TIRED MY HEAD HURTS MY LIFE IS CHANGING Jesse we need to cook (I need to make tbb art) BUT I AM GOING TO BED FIRST

[honoringthehorrific]

I watched Alien: Romulus and here's what I thought!

As always friends Spoilers under the cut!...👽

Gosh first can I apologize for not being as active recently? I've seen this movie 3 times and am just now getting to writing my review! Might as well torch me now! haha. Seriously though I'd like to stay active on this blog it's just hard to find stuff to talk about sometimes when I come away from these movies. I'd like to start this off by saying this is going to be a pretty glowing review. If you haven't seen Romulus, or any of the alien movies...What the hell are you doing here??? Get out! Go see it! If for some reason you cant get out and go see it please spare yourself spoilers until you can find it on streaming! This franchise from what i've seen so far is one of my favorites. If you love sci-fi, body horror, bad ass female leads, or slimy slithering creatures in general you should really give this one a chance.

I feel like a lot of people wanna talk about this so lets get it out of the way. Rook. The artificial person we meet when things start heating up. Obviously he is a CGI rendition of Ash's actor from the first movie Ian Holm. You may be screaming at me right now about ethics. How this took a job from an actor. How technology is bad because it's going to take work from actors. I hear you. I was on the fence about this too. In truth AI replacing human workers is a topic near and dear to my heart because it's something that worries me as an artist myself. However, Reading about how Alvarez got permission from Holm's widow. How Holm felt almost blacklisted from hollywood after so many years in the sci-fi and fantasy genres. It made my opinion of this soften. If that makes you disregard my review or even me as a person I understand. I'm happy I was able to give you my thoughts and that you gave me your time. Now, The CGI of Holm's face is....not the best? His eyes and mouth move strangely if you pay too close of attention however it was something I could easily ignore as the movie progressed. Overall however with the other effects I think this movie did very well! I loved the way the facehuggers looked and moved and we even got to see up close the egg laying...tube...thing? Forgive me I'm not well versed in facehugger anatomy. The chest burster actually having to work to burrow it's way out and the xenomorph's acid just all of it felt really great! I only very recently watched the second alien movie and I intend to watch the rest of the alien sequels in the near future so don't be upset with me! However it seems like if you've only seen the first two this one will make plenty sense. I've seen people complain about the pacing being really slow and the only thing I really have to say to that is...The first two movies, at least to me, felt equally as "slow." However I wouldn't necessarily say this is a slow movie! It kept me interested each step of the way. Usually I hate watching something that feels like it's dragging it's feet so I feel like if the movie were truly a drag someone with my attention span would have noticed. On the subject of noticing things this movie has a TON of fan service and nostalgia. There's quotes from the previous films, Visual references, and even a nod to the video game Isolation! Some people really lay on a lot of flack for that kind of thing but it's been 7 years since the last alien movie so it's kind of something I expected if that makes sense? Also If it's something I love, I'm usually a sucker for fan service! Yeah some of the quotes felt kinda off in the dialogue (Personally when Andy says he prefers the term artificial person, That felt like an off moment to me? I could be nit picking but it just felt like it didn't flow with the previous dialogue.) But over all I liked easter egg hunting on my second and third watch. In terms of characters there were some misses like Navarro where I really wanted to learn more about her but we don't really get the chance. We see and learn a lot about Andy and Raine's relationship as siblings but its hard to tell what the other's relationships are to each other until they outright say or are on their deathbeds.

Overall I liked the effects, the action, the pacing and the characters. It did fall flat in some spaces but honestly I think it's one of my favorite movies of the year next to Immaculate. 4.5/5 Facehuggers!

[lowkeiloki]

kung fu panda 4 review - spoiler free

it was solid, not as good as the first three movies, but the og triology set the bar so high even a 'not as good' movie is still a fun watch. The animation is beautiful and you get quite a bunch of awesome action scenes out of it

zhen is a lot more likable when not voiced by awkwafina (croatian dub saved me ✊️) but even that wont save her from her character being pretty bland. ironically the same criticism for her design could be applied for her character as well, not bad, likable enough, just fails to stand out and ive seen it done better a lot of times already

chameleon... oh boy... so much potential, such incredible built up, such luckluster execution... ill talk more abt her in spoiler section, but honestly she was the weakest link of the movie

dont get your hopes up for furious five, they only really exist as a cameo, what you will get is mr ping and li being a very married couple and personally if theres anything worth seeing the movie for its them (still im hoping for at least a short abt the furious five, cmon theyve been non existent since kfp 3)

the pacing was too fast, and there were too many comedic and too little serious moments, glad im not the only one that noticed

ive seen a lot of complaints about tai lung and other past villains not being in the movie enough, but honestly im happy for that bc its not their movie, they all had their own movies to shine and i really feared this movie would rely too much on them to carry the hype and im glad that wasnt the case. PLEASE stop asking film studios to spoonfeed you familiar content

end of spoiler free review, spoilers under cut

the chameleon rant

you know, i believe the kfp movies are heavily carried by their villains. they're the ones that set the tone, bring the stakes, and not only are they a foe for po to defeat but represent his internal conflict (tai lung being self acceptance, shen being overcoming grief and kai being self discovery) so to have the villain be the movie's weakest spot is... not great at all

firsty, the chameleon is the first movie villain in the franchise to not have any beef with any of the main characters (like tai lung had with shifu, lord shen with po and kai with oogway) and that couldve been great, give us a villain that doesnt care about po or anyone else and is just doing their own thing, its something new and an unexplored territory, but then they do nothing with it.

what does she want? to rule the valley of peace? all of china? ok and then what? the city shes already rulling doesnt look like its doing too bad to me. why should i care about her being defeated? yeah shes mean, but where are the STAKES

and how does she reflect po's conflict? because its about accepting change and she's a chameleon? weak, that only connect on paper and only barely. is it how she was never accepted to train kung fu because of her size? that's such a lame motive. really? not a single kung fu place wanted to take you in for your size? in a franchise full of all the different characters of all different shapes and sizes being kung fu masters? yeah ok sure

what i did like about her is how they made her get her way through manipulation and intimidation. she's not strong, she's not a skilled fighter, she's not inherently scary, but she uses smoke and mirrors to intimidate people around her and manipulative tactics to get her henchmen to listen which ties nicely into her shapeshifting abilities, just wish theyve done more with it, show us how she spreads horror stories about herself, show us the influence she has over the townspeople, show us just how manipulative she is of zhen, hell have her be all kind and nice to her in moments to bait her to stay under her wing (yk as abusive parents do)

nothing much more i have to say so spoiler part was rly just abt the chameleon but i needed to rant abt her more in depth bc i had high hopes for her

[andromedaexists]

Hell Followed With Us || Andrew Joseph White

★★★☆☆ ½

TW: BODY HORROR, TRANSPHOBIA, SACRILEGE, NO REALLY THERE'S A LOT OF BODY HORROR IT'S KINDA GROSS

Let me start off by saying that this book means a lot to someone who means a lot to me. By nature, this means that I have a soft spot for the book.

However, that does not stop me from forming an opinion on it.

Okay so first things first: I read this book in two days. It is a very captivating read. I was very easily sucked into the story and became intruiged by the character.

First one up is the main character: Benji. It is refreshing to see a trans masc main character especially in a horror book. As soon as he showed up in the text i felt protective over him. He is a newly out trans boy that is 16, I've adopted plenty of those in my run as the trans town elder (yes I'm only 23, that's what you get living where I do)

I also really liked that there were other types of gender identities shown. This book is a cesspit of diversity and representation: I love it!

However, there is one character that I have qualms with when it comes to his representation. One of the love interests: Nick. He is an autistic gay man, but as I said to my group chat last night, I just don't like the representation he's giving us.

I say this as an autistic trans gay man: I do not like the way he is portrayed. Autism is a spectrum, everyone reacts to things differently. However, he is written in a way that feels like every bad autistic trope from mass media mushed together. He very much reads the same as that one autistic doctor from the tv show that was always over logical and showed no emotion ever. The Good Doctor, that's what it's called.

Not only that, but he refers to Benji, a newly out trans man who is going through horrific body horror to the point of literally calling himself a monster, as Seraph and uses it/its pronouns for him. After Benji explicitly says he uses he/him. Now, as you all know, I have nothing against using it/its pronouns and will gladly do so, but doing it in this manner is misgendering and dehumanizing. There is a difference between wanting to use those pronouns and being called them behind your back after you explicitly state you do not want to be referred to using them.

And this whole this was Nick's redemption arc. His entire redemption arc was about calling Benji 'it' and then saying sorry. Then it's over and never mentioned again. Just like that.

And then, to make things worse, the other love interest (because, yes, this is in fact a love triangle) is Benji's abusive fiance. An abusive fiance that tries to kill him on more than one occasion. So you have to choose between that piece of garbage and someone who doesn't get redeemed.

As y'all can tell, I'm a little incensed at this book. "But Andi," I hear you say, "you gave the book 3.5 stars? It doesn't sound like you enjoyed it that much."

Well here's the thing: I actually really enjoyed it. I loved the story line, I loved the sacrilege and body horror, I loved how tense I was reading the entire story.

I think the writing was clumsy and too fast paced, but the plot line was there. I also loved how visceral the descriptions were. Like, this is Dead Dove: Do Not Eat levels of body horror and viscera.

It was great! I think it should have gone through a few more rounds of drafts and editing before it got published, and someone should have told Andrew that the love interests are both living pieces of human garbage, but all in all it was a good book. Oh, and the dust cover is beautiful.

I won't recommend it to anyone though.

I am planning on writing little things like this every time I read a book just to help me keep track of them. If I don’t write down my opinions and thoughts right away I am liable to forget them. I am hesitant to call these a review because i’m really just not comfy with that lol I will do my best to make sure I appropriately tag and warn about topics. If I miss any please let me know!

[zepskies]

Wow, @lamentationsofalonelypotato you spoil me, friend!! This review of Part 1 absolutely made my day and put a huge smile on my face. 🥰

I really love again that you give so many wonderful little pieces of domestic life with Dean and I think that you did a very accurate depiction of him having a mini panic attack when he realizes how serious the relationship between him and the reader is getting.

Oh why thank you!! This series let me explore a lot of facets of their relationship, and this early on I wanted to emphasize the domestic aspect that Dean hasn't gotten since Lisa. Mixed into their hunter lifestyle, hopefully it would be a better fit for Dean and the reader here.

LOL his mini man panic attack was so fun to write. And Sam just being like, "A-huh, you done?" 😂

He’s acting like such a guy when it comes to the reader moving his stuff around and I am HERE for it lol. Men really do freak out when you move their stuff and when you try to leave your stuff at their place. And even though we all love Dean, he really is that dude. Also love the classic guy thing when they never understand how long it takes a woman to get ready. It's a lot of effort boys and it's worth the wait. 😉

He really is! lmfao Men complain about women being "extra," but they can be so particular, especially about their stuff. We saw from Dean's room in the bunker that he likes a particular order to things, so I thought it would be fun to have that feminine energy in his life shake him up lol. And hell yeah it's worth the wait! 😌💅🏽

Is it wrong that I imagine Dean looking around at all her bottles and products in the bathroom in absolute horror with the music from Psycho in the background? 😂

LOL I can see it like an episode in my head!!

And he’s not used to having a stable girlfriend around him all the time, caring for him, genuinely invested in what he’s doing through the day, and that makes so much sense for him to be a little out of his comfort zone to have someone move in. I know that by saying this I am neglecting Lisa… but legit I want to forget about her oh my stars. Please make it go away…😬

Exactlyyyyy. It's taking some adjustment time for both of them as Dean gets used to having a girlfriend in his space. I think with Lisa he had to try and fit himself into her life, her house, her things, while in this it's the other way around, so it's still "new" for him in a sense.

Haha I'm about to throw myself under the bus, but I shipped Dean x Lisa hardcore when I was first watching the show! It was always the hopeless romantic for me wanting better for Dean on the show, seeing him with a stable family life. I think the writers had to do her characterization a bit dirty in order to write her and Ben out of Dean's life. 🥲🥲

The reader’s reaction to his subtle comments about where his stuff is was making me laugh. She’s so sassy and fun, and she’s the perfect other half to Dean.

Ahaha thank you!! I so appreciate you for saying that. 🥰 She's not without flaws, but I thought she could match Dean's energy and give it right back to him in a playful way. 💕 (Hairline kisses are so wholesome, aren't they?)

Also thank you so much for explaining what the food was because it all sounded amazing and I would not have known the first thing about any of it. 😅

Oh of course! That's part of the "everyone is welcome here" with the cultural aspects. Plus I've had people tell me they want to go out and find some Cuban food to try, like you went out and found some cafecito! 😘 I love writing about food. lol

Goodness I don't think I'm ever going to have a normal reaction to Dean making the reader feel better when her thoughts begin to ride the self-deprecation train. It's so cute how much he cares for her and wants to make her feel better and lets her know that she belongs there with him. (AND THE EYEBROW KISS *swoon*) Also I teared up when she said the thing about having someone to cook for, because oh man, the feminine urge to bake and cook and make things for other people is so strong with me. 😭

UGHH GIRL SAME. It defeats me every time fr. 😮‍💨😮‍💨

As much as she wants to take care of her partner in Dean (and feed him and Sam), Dean's instinct is to take care of her right back in how she needs. It's why I wanted to pair him with a "giver" like him.

Oh yeah, I infused a bit of myself there with "the feminine urge to bake and cook and make things for other people." 🥰👌🏽

I will also say that the lore/the way you incorporate actual hunts into your work is so seamless and you should be VERY proud of that. It is literally like watching an episode of Supernatural.

Omg thank you!! I try my best to make that aspect feel natural and do research when necessary--back into the show, in mythology, etc. 💜💜

I know that Dean didn't want to give Andy's mother false hope, but I probably would have done the exact thing the reader did. I would have made that promise to reassure Andy's mom. But at the same time I see Dean's argument about caring too much for the people around you. I think he probably gets that from understanding that there are a lot of things that can go wrong on a hunt and that at the end of the day you can't save everyone/you're not always in control of the situation even if you'd like to be.

Honestly yeah same, but I'm glad you could see Dean's side of the argument too! I think the most conflicty conflict is best when both sides have merit. Dean's experience backs up his points, but there's a more human touch that the reader is coming from.

The subtle The Walking Dead reference, very well done lol.

Ahaha thank you!! I stole that from 12x15 when Dean pulls out Lucille. 🤣

AND IT'S A CLIFFHANGER!!?😱 I can't be mad about that, I do them so often too when I write. I can't wait to read part 2 and hear the traditional "you should've listened to me!" 🥰

Cliffhangers work! I love a good cliffhanger honestly. It doesn't even bother me when I read them in other people's stories because it can be such a delicious narrative choice. 😏

Thank you so much again, friend, for this lovely review!! I really hope you enjoy Part 2 whenever you get to it. It's spicy, in more ways than one. 😘

Devour Me - Part 1

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Plus-Sized/Latina!Reader 

Summary: When you and Dean start to press each other’s buttons, both of your tempers ignite. To make up for it, you give him an impromptu salsa dancing lesson…one he didn’t exactly ask for. (18+)

AN: This is a two-part sequel to “Midnight Espresso!” I would read that one first before you dive into this one. (It’s fun, I promise!)

Word Count: 3,800 Tags/Warnings: Supernatural shenanigans, tiny bit of body insecurity, hurt/comfort, fluffy fluff, and a cliffhanger...

☕ Midnight Espresso Masterlist

Part 1: "A Takeover"

When Dean asked you to move in with him, he really didn’t think it would come to this.

Clearing a nightstand for you, half of the dresser, a section of his closet. Those things are reasonable. 

But this is a total takeover, he thinks, as he surveys the sheer amount of crap you’ve brought into his room.

Mind you, despite this still being a bunker, the décor is nice. You brought in sturdy, but stylish wicker baskets for his pile of cassettes (and your CDs) next to the TV, filing bins for the haphazard shuffle of papers on his desk, installed dark wood shelves on the wall for his various weapons and your collection of books. 

But he’d had his music organized—not alphabetically or chronologically, but by his own personal rankings of awesomeness. Now they’re all shuffled together by band name. 

Plus, he likes having his shotgun on the floor by the bed, within reach, not three feet above his head. And where the fuck is his collection of…magazines?

The point is, every time he looks for something, you’ve put it in a different place. Not to mention the damn bathroom (don’t get him started on all your shea butter lotions, makeup brushes, frilly-smelling soaps, and the army of hair products now taking up space in his cabinets and drawers). 

Dean is sitting on the edge of the bed, trying to figure out where the hell his cassette of Zeppelin IV is, when you breeze into the room he now shares with you. You’re dewy with sweat in a Guns & Roses shirt and some yoga pants you reserve for cleaning. 

And that’s another thing. You’re more anal than Sam about having the bunker smelling like Pine Sol. However, as you’ve expressed before (after nagging him to pick up his dirty, and occasionally bloody clothes from the floor), while you like a clean house, you are not in fact the maid.

“Hey, baby. Can you fold these for me?” you request. “I need a shower.”

He raises a brow as you dump a new basket of fresh laundry onto the bed. It looks like you washed your clothes mixed in with his, which he actually doesn’t mind. He fishes out one of your red, lacey thongs with a hint of a smile. He bought you these last week, and they already have a tear. (His fault.)

“By the way, next time you move one of my things, mind leaving me a post-it note or something?” he dryly remarks. “It’s like a scavenger hunt in my own damn room.” 

You pop your head out of the bathroom, though he can tell by your bare shoulders that you’ve already gotten undressed. Your mouth is quirked at the corner. 

“It’s called organization,” you tease. “Apparently a foreign concept to you.”

You disappear back into the bathroom, giving Dean the privacy he needs to grumble almost inaudibly to himself. But then he hears your voice behind the door.  

“Oh, by the way. Your vintage collection of smut is in the bottom of your nightstand,” you call out. “That 1996 edition of Busty Asian Beauties is particularly classy.”

Dean hears the wryness in your tone, and his face actually heats up in embarrassment. He frowns at the bathroom door, his jaw tensing, but he takes a breath. Deciding to let it go with a roll of his shoulders, he puts on the TV to catch up on Dr. Sexy M.D. He also neglects the task you gave him, just for a little while.

When you’re still in the bathroom an hour later, Dean starts to get curious about what the hell you’re doing in there. The shower isn’t even running anymore.

That’s when he hears the hairdryer go on. 

He knows he’ll never be able to concentrate on his show with all that noise. So with a sigh, he clicks off the TV and eyes the pile of laundry. You probably cleaned the whole freaking bunker this morning. Despite his annoyance, he figures folding your clothes along with his own is the least he can do. 

Dean scoops up the pile back into the basket and takes it elsewhere. 

He finds his brother at the kitchen table and joins him with his basket. Sam’s gaze raises from his laptop to meet his brother’s grumpy face. He watches in mild curiosity as Dean plops down across from him and dutifully begins folding one of your shirts. 

“You okay?” Sam hazards the question. 

“Fucking peachy,” Dean replies. “Looking for a new case?”

“Yeah. Nothing yet.” Though Sam raises a brow when Dean all but tosses one of your girly sundresses on the table after it’s folded. (It’s yellow, and it happens to be his favorite on you.)

“Everything all right?” Sam asks. 

Dean glances up, finds his brother’s knowing eyes, and doesn’t have it in him to lie. He lets go of a breath, as well as one of his undershirts to rub at his forehead. 

“She’s nosey, Sam. She’s all up in my business.”

“Your girlfriend?” Sam clarifies, with raised brows. “Of six months.”

“Yeah, that one,” Dean quips, with all due sarcasm. “Ever since she moved in, she’s been going through everything, moving my crap every which way, making it so I can’t find a damn thing.”

Sam’s mouth edges at a smile. 

“I’m tellin’ you, Sam, she’s damn near taken over,” Dean insists. 

“You done?” Sam teases. Dean just leans in, like he’s about to level his brother with a secret. 

“Matter of fact, she locks herself in the bathroom for like, forever. I just heard the hairdryer go on, meaning another hour at least. What the fuck is she doing in there, getting ready for prom?”

Sam finally has to chuckle. “Clearly it’s been a long time since you’ve lived with a woman, Dean.” 

Dean scoffs. “Right.”

“And she’s actually been a big help in cleaning up around here,” Sam says, with a growing smirk. “Which is, quite literally, a refreshing change.”

Dean snorts at that. 

“Of course, you’re happy,” he says. “A new damn dish rack turns you on.”

Sam shoots him a wan look. “The question is, are you happy?”

That manages to take Dean by surprise. He hesitates to answer…

But he’s saved when he hears someone approaching. He knows it’s you because he can smell the mix of your floral soap and coconutty shampoo; it’s a scent that often lingers on your pillow and has unconsciously infiltrated Dean’s nose. 

His reply to Sam dies on his tongue when he sees you.

“Hey,” you greet both men, all bright and smiley with your hair in wild curls down your back. 

A lot of the time you keep your hair straight or loose and wavy, so it’s rare for Dean to see your natural look. It’s a good one for you, he thinks. Along with those jean shorts hugging your curvy hips, and the V-neck top you’re wearing, which offers a nice peek of cleavage. 

Your hand falls on his shoulder, with your thumb stroking his neck. You then brush that hand across his back as you pass by on your way to the kitchen. If possible, you’ve become even more touchy since you two got together.

Dean holds fast to your hand, stopping you in your path. 

“So that’s what you were working on in there,” he remarks. “Thought I was gonna need to break out the fire extinguisher.” 

You grin in amusement and do a little twirl under his hand, shaking out your curls a little.

“You like?” you ask. Dean tugs you back over. He reaches out and fingers at the soft ends of your hair. 

“Beautiful,” he says.

“Looks real nice,” Sam adds.

“Why, thank you.” Your smile is contagious, and Dean can’t help reciprocating. You drop a hand on his shoulder again.

“I know you’re our resident Gordon Ramsay, but I kinda feel like cooking today,” you say. “Is Cas coming home anytime soon?”

Dean nods. “Yeah, he called this morning. Probably dropping back in tonight.”

You nod. “Good! I’ll make plenty then…oh, wait, he doesn’t eat.”

“What did you have in mind?” Sam asks. 

“Well, I know you guys haven’t had much Cuban food, so I thought you might like to try some ropa vieja,” you reply. Sam’s brows knit together. 

“Old clothes?” he translates. His two years of high school Spanish can give him that much.

“Yeah! But it’s basically shredded beef with onions, garlic, tomato sauce, and a bunch of other good stuff,” you explain. Then your eyes brighten. “Oh! And I can make my grandma’s famous black beans, white rice, some bread with crushed garlic and olive oil…”

By the time you finish listing the things you plan on making, Dean is already salivating. 

Later that evening, when Dean actually gets to sample said food, he’s eaten enough for three men in the span of forty-five minutes.

“Jesus, man. Going for a record on indigestion?” Sam cautions him, despite his amusement. 

Dean pointedly ignores his brother to look over at you. After he swallows another forkful of beef stew, he says, “Not for nothin’, this is probably the second-best meal of my entire life.”

“Oh, yeah?” You giggle. “What’s number one?”

“Diner called Slammies in Alabama. Best fucking pie on Earth,” he easily recalls. “Double applewood bacon cheeseburger, chili cheese fries, brick oven pizza. Bar none.” 

Sam inclines his head, remembering the food coma he and Dean had that night. They’d hit the rock-hard pillows at the motel and slept like they’d been on an all-night bender. 

“But this is like, right there,” Dean says to you, leveling his hand up by his head. 

“Well, let’s see if this moves the needle,” you reply as you get up from your seat. You answer the question in his eyes. “Forgot something, hold on.”

But before you can leave the table, Dean reaches over and takes your hand. 

“Thanks, sweetheart. For all of this. I mean it,” he says. 

A soft, genuine smile grows across your face. You lean down and press a tender kiss below his hairline, stroking his cheek before you go. 

Dean quirks a smile. It’s taken him time to get used to how open you are with your affections, but he likes it. All of it. Every time you reach for him, touch him, brush against him, intentionally or not. He always has.

Though he has to resist embarrassment when he notices the way his brother is watching him. Sam raises a brow, smiling that irritating smile of his. 

“Oh, yeah. You’re not happy at all,” he intones.

“Never said I wasn’t,” Dean says defensively. But he perks up when you return. Maybe you’re bringing more garlic bread. 

Instead, you’re holding a tin pan.

“What’cha got there?” he asks.

“Dessert,” you announce. It’s a Cuban flan: creamy, rich custard with a consistency smoother than cheesecake, and thicker than pudding.  

You haven’t even sat back down yet when Dean carves himself a generous slice. He moans when a large forkful melts in his mouth. You start to blush as you watch him with crossed arms and a hand over your smile. You don’t know whether to be amused or flattered.

Sam watches his brother stuff his face with a subtle shake of his head.    

“You’re enabling him,” he tells you. You shrug, but then you rest your hands on both Sam and Dean’s shoulders. 

“Now I have someone to cook for,” you say. You have tears in your eyes, but you quickly blink and try to turn away. Frowning, Dean takes your hand. 

“Hey, where you going?” he says, and aims to pull you into his lap. You hesitate, knowing you’re not going to be able to squeeze between him and the table.  

“It’s okay, these hips don’t fit,” you chuckle wryly, with a sniffle. But Dean just backs his chair up from the table a bit to make room. 

“What’re you talking about? You fit right here,” he says firmly, and he tugs you down. This is the one thing Dean has tried his damndest to break you out of—that self-deprecating streak of yours. 

You finally accept being guided into his lap, where you indeed fit snugly across his thighs. His arm comes around the front to hold you close by your hip, while his other hand rests comfortingly on your back.

Looking up into his eyes, you draw enough courage to be honest. 

“I was mostly raised by my grandma,” you begin to explain. Your father wasn’t ready to be one, and so wasn’t in the picture. Your mother died when you were in high school. So when your grandmother also passed away a few years ago… 

Well, you’ve been alone for a while.

You sniff and wipe at your face, but your eyes close as Dean’s lips press above your brow. When you next open your eyes and cautiously look between the brothers, Sam’s sympathy warms you. 

“If it isn’t obvious, you have a home here,” he says. “We can never replace what you’ve lost, but…we’re your family too.”

You know that Dean feels the same way by the way he brushes the tears from your cheek, thumbing at your bottom lip.

"You're right where you need to be," he says, with a hand squeezing your hip. His sincerity is in his even tone, in the firmness in his eyes.

You’re able to smile a bit.

“Ah…I’m interrupting, aren’t I?”

The three of you turn to the kitchen doorway, where Castiel stands awkwardly. He clearly senses emotional tension, but it breaks the moment you turn to him with a tearful laugh. 

“Hey, Cas. Have you ever eaten ‘old clothes?’” you ask. 

His puzzled expression is absolutely priceless.  

When Sam finds a possible hunt in Hope, Indiana, Castiel agrees to go with you all. It’s a small, corn-fed town in the middle of nowhere, and five people have gone missing over the course of a year. 

The latest is a nine-year-old kid named Andy Campbell. That alone upsets you; if you have one weakness, it’s for kids.

“Local farmers have been reporting dead cattle too, drained of blood,” Sam says from the passenger seat in the Impala. “I’m thinking vampires trying to keep a low profile.”

“Sounds about right, if a bit sloppy,” Dean remarks. They are in the Midwest though. If this is a coven, or even a rogue vamp who’s been here a while, maybe they got lazy. “So what, police station first? Get any details they might’ve missed.”

“I want to talk to the kid’s mom,” you say. It earns Dean’s gaze at you in the rearview mirror. “We can get the last time she saw him, where he went missing, anything she might’ve held back from the police.”

He nods and shares a glance with Sam. “I’ll go with her. You and Cas scope out the station.”

The angel has gotten better at pretending to be a Fed, but not by much. Sam agrees, even though Dean sees in his face that he’d rather be taking his brother. Dean tempers a smile and keeps driving to the closest motel in this dusty town. 

You don a sensible pantsuit to match Dean’s Fed suit, along with your badges: Agents Buckingham and Nicks. 

When Andy’s mom, Rachel Campbell, opens the door of her modest home to you and Dean, he lets you take the lead. You’re good at this part, connecting with the victims and getting them to talk. He sometimes worries about you though—that your soft, sympathetic heart will get the best of you. 

“How long has Andy been missing?” you ask, accepting a cup of tea from the woman. 

Rachel is around your age, maybe a few years older. She looks run down, a shell of a human as she looks at the carpet rather than at you or Dean. You can’t know exactly how she feels, but you have a vivid imagination. 

And from the various pictures of her and Andy on the wall, just the two of them, you deduce that she’s a single mother. Just like your mom had been.

“Almost four months,” she admits. “The police station doesn’t even return my calls anymore.”

That upsets you, but you keep a lid on your emotions to focus on the woman in front of you. 

“Andy’s father, he’s not around?” Dean asks. Rachel shakes her head, confirming your suspicions.

“No, we split up shortly after he was born,” she replies, her tone tired and resigned. “I was at work. I uh, I work at a doctor’s office. Andy was supposed to come home on the bus, like any other day…but he never did.”

She sucks in a shaky breath as the beginnings of tears make her eyes red and glassy. 

“His school couldn’t tell me why he wasn’t on the bus. But one of his friends said he was late getting out of class, so he must’ve tried to walk home. Even though he knew he could call me when that happens…anyway, somebody must’ve grabbed him.”

Rachel looks away as a tear streams down her cheek, followed by another. You feel your throat tighten with a sympathetic burn behind your eyes, but you keep it at bay long enough to set down your tea. You reach out and lay a hand on the woman’s hand. She meets your steady gaze. 

“I promise, we’ll find your son,” you tell her.

“What?” you ask Dean as the two of you leave the small house, walking back to the Impala in the driveway. You just know there’s something up with him by the stoic look on his face. It isn’t so stoic to you. 

He waits until the two of you are in the car before he levels you with a raised brow. 

“Look, I know you want to find this kid. I do too,” he says. “But watch out about making promises you can’t keep.”

You frown back at him. “What’s better, letting that poor woman have no hope at all?”

In his mind, Dean thinks it’s worse to give her false hope. But he sees how stubborn you’re getting, so he doesn’t push it. The fact that you care about people like Rachel is part of what drew him to you in the first place, but there’s a line, he thinks. A point where you can care too much. 

When you two eventually meet up with Sam and Castiel, they’ve been able to confirm from the body of a recent Jane Doe, with a row of lethal bite marks on her wrist, that this is definitely a vamp case. 

After narrowing down where each of the victims were taken, the four of you sketch out a perimeter of where the monsters could likely be hiding. It’s Dean who finds the old barn on the verge of a corn field, about three miles away from the school where Andy was taken. 

You all wait until high noon the next day to scope it out. Looking into the front windows is useless; all evidence points to an empty home.

The back of the barn is another story. Cracking the barn door open reveals a large storage area, where a nest of vampires are sleeping in their beds. Some are coupled off, but you note a few on single beds.

Then, your eyes narrow on the humans sleeping piled together in the corner—three women, a young man, and Andy Campbell on a twin-sized bed of his own.  

Dean carefully closes the barn door, and the four of you regroup back to the Impala.

“It’s a bigger nest than we thought,” Sam says, though he keeps his voice quiet. Dean is already opening the trunk for his favorite machete. 

“First, let’s get those humans out,” he says. You agree with a nod when he hands you a weapon.  

Dean shoots you a wink. “This one’s Brenda.”

“What happened to Lucille?” you ask, taking the knife from him.

“That’s the bat wrapped in barbed wire. Matter of fact, I should break her out.”

Dean reaches into the trunk and pulls out the blood-stained bat. He rubs the handle fondly. 

“Ahh, Dad loved this thing.”

You sidle up next to him and glance over wryly. “You want some alone time with your big stick, there?”

Dean flashes you a smirk, giving you a long once over in your form-fitting shirt and jeans. “Well, you’re certainly welcome to join me, sweetheart.” 

You snort in response, bumping into his side with your hip. Dean teasingly bounces one of your curls in your face. You smile and swat his hand away.

Sam subtly rolls his eyes, despite a small smile as he shares a look with Cas.

“All right. Can we go, please?” Sam says in amusement. Castiel awkwardly straps on a machete to his belt. He doesn’t believe he’ll need it, but Sam and Dean are always prepared. He wants to be as well. 

You’re ready to go, but Dean holds you back by your shoulder. You look up at him curiously.

“Hey, follow our lead on this one, okay?” he asks. 

You sense that he’s hedging at something more specific with that request. 

“What do you mean?”  

“The kid. I know you wanna beeline for him the second we get in there, but hold off,” Dean says. His gaze is serious. “He could be turned.”

He got a good look inside, the same as you. The kid was lying on a bed while the other humans were chained up on the floor. Still, you shoot him an incredulous look. 

“Why would they turn a kid?” you ask. “They have the others.”

“Yeah, and they were chained up. Why not him?” Dean asks, imploring you to think logically. He shares a look with Sam, who silently agrees. You look between the brothers with pursed lips. 

“Maybe they don’t give a fuck, because they’re cocky assholes,” you retort. And you walk past them to head back towards the barn. 

The brothers and the angel share one last look, with Dean letting out a subtle breath before he follows you.

You creep back into the barn, as quiet as possible through the room of snoring vampires. The brothers and Castiel go to the sleepy women in the corner. They look dirty and malnourished, wearing threadbare clothing. Sam feels the pulse of the man prone on the floor, but he’s already dead. 

When one of the girls wakes with a whimper, Dean holds his finger to his lips, warning them all wordlessly to be quiet. He looks over and doesn’t find you next to him. He nearly curses out loud when he sees you heading for Andy’s bed across the room. 

Meanwhile, you touch the little boy’s shoulder and shake him a little. He wakes with a small sound of reluctance, but you shush him gently. 

“Andy?” You grasp his shoulders. He nods, though his blonde brows are furrowed with confusion. 

“Who…who are you?” he asks. He rubs at his sleepy brown eyes. 

“I’m here to help,” you reply in a whisper. “I’m going to get you back to your mom, okay?”

After a moment, he nods and lets you pick him up into your arms. You hazard looking over across the room, and you find Dean’s annoyed gaze. Despite the uncomfortable churning in your belly, you ignore him for now and head for the back door.

You’re only able to take a few steps when you feel a hand wrap tightly in your hair and pull it away from your neck, just for rows of several razor-sharp teeth to sink into your neck.

AN: 😬 ...Sorry. If you don't know me by now, I love a cliffhanger. But how'd you like Dean getting used to sharing his space? (And having someone to occasionally put him on his toes.)

Part 2 will feature a good old fashioned "you should've listened to me" fight, some angst, some making up, some salsa dancing, and a healthy dose of smutty smut.

Next Time:

“I don’t care what that legendary gut tells you,” you sass back. “I’m not a little girl, and you’re not my damn father!”

Dean raises incredulous brows at the way you’re shouting at him. He crosses his arms. 

“What’s this, some kind of Latina temper?” he asks snidely. 

You truly become incensed at that. 

Keep Reading: PART 2

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[percontaion-points]

Lifeblood chapter 3

Today's review might be difficult for some; reader discretion is advised

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Chapter 3

“Humility is your protection from self-deception. Pride is your defeat.” —Troika

Bold words from a book about a girl who is suffering from “too stupid to live” syndrome. 

And I’m ecstatic for Archer. He’s entered into the Rest. Who wouldn’t enjoy a permanent vacation from war?

Which is all well and good until you remember that Deacon told her about reincarnation. So yeah, he did have his seconddeath… But like… how long is that going to last? 

What exactly is the point of any of it if the only thing that you will ever know, in life AND the afterlife, is nothing but suffering?

Victor winks at me. “Welcome home, newbie. You’re going to love it here. Come by my apartment later, and I’ll personally make sure of it.”

Oh hell no. What’s the point of paradise in the afterlife if they also let in creeps like this?

Thousands of people surround us. Male, female. Young, old. Well, not too old. No one tops thirty-five, I’d guess.

I love how there’s this implication that you can look like whatever you want in the afterlife, and then they cap out the physical age at ~35.

It’s simultaneously “written for teenagers” and also “I’m edging into my thirties and I’m having a panic attack” from the author. 

Like I’m 33 right now, and holy shit, I would not want to spend eternity being around a bunch of baby-faced immortals. No thank you. 

Various perfumes scent the air, blending harmoniously with the fragrance of roses. Multicolored petals continue to rain from the sky.

That would get so old real fast. 

Though she experienced Firstdeath in her forties, she now appears twentyfive, her skin unlined, her pale hair without a single strand of gray.

Once again, older people are allowed to exist. 40 is legit not even that old. 

Exactly how rough of a life did she have to the point where her skin was getting all wrinkly and her hair starting to grey at FORTY?! (I say knowing that she also DIED at 40.)

“Did Marlowe make it into Troika?” Please, say yes. Please. 

Marlowe Dillinger is another of my Prynne friends. The sweetest, gentlest girl I’ve ever met. She ended up at the asylum because she stole money from her mother to—horror of horrors—pay for groceries. 

She signed with Troika, hoping to escape the asylum. Her mom refused to spring her, and soon after, a guard sneaked into her cell to—

 My mind shies away from the horrors she endured. The next morning, the girl with a heart of gold killed herself. Maybe she voided her contract, maybe she didn’t. I’m unclear about the fine print. 

Clay flinches. “I’m told suicides are decided on a case by case basis. Hers... She’s in Many Ends.”

I’m sorry, but any system that forces people to endure suffering like that in their firstlife only to be punished in their secondlife forever is not a system that I want any part of. 

Marlowe’s Firstlife sucked, and guaranteed her Everlife is worse. It’s not fair.

I have yet to see literally anything remotely nice about anything of this set-up. Not even all of the rose-scented air is enough to convince me that Troika is anything but a golden cage. 

Jeremy farts.

THANK YOU FOR INCLUDING THIS. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

A gold catsuit makes her luminous from head to toe.

A gold lame catsuit is considered fashionable in the afterlife? I’m pretty sure that this is literally hell. 

“Oh, there’s a rhyme and reason all right. I had to do three things I’d never done before. Believe in myself, expect good things to happen to me and love the people around me, whether I felt like loving them or not. Easier said than done.”

“I don’t understand. You used to take my mother to homeless shelters.” 

“Appearances can be deceiving. I did what I did under duress. It was my husband, your grandfather, who so faithfully served others.”

I’m all for learning those three lessons, and giving people a chance to better themselves, but holy shit. I’m not here for this series’s heavy-handed messages about women blindly following men and being trapped in toxic relationships. 

When I reach Elizabeth, she grabs my arm and softly grates, “Watch out, Numbers. I owe you big-time, and I always pay my debts. Plus interest.”

Chapter 3 summary: When Ten walks into the protective mist, she’s suddenly at peace with everything that’s happened. This lasts for about a page, or 2 seconds, until somebody bumps into her. It’s a guy introduced as Archer’s brother, who is oddly at peace with the news of his brother’s death, and only wants to get into Ten’s pants. Yuck. 

Deacon takes her into one of the 7 cities. There, the narration will not stop stalling out in favour of describing how beautiful the city is… Over and over and over and… Deason shows her to a room full of her dead friends and family who are there. The only ones worth mentioning are: her mom’s mom, Meredith. Her friend Clay who died in the first book, and her baby brother, Jeremy, who also died in the first book. 

Meredith talks to Ten about “unlocking her key” (one of the tats she got was of a key), which will allow her deeper access to universal understanding. But to unlock it, you basically have to do a lot of self-reflection and work on yourself. 

Eventually, Levi asks Clay to show Ten to her new apartment, so they go to another city, which is full of “every type of building from Egyptian pyramids to spaceships”. He says that the two of them are neighbours, but there’s this implication that this is only housing for trainees and newbies. In their building, Ten sees a girl who had chucked a weapon at her when she was trying to defend Killian. And this girl has murder in her eyes… and clearly in her heart for Ten having tried to stop her. 

[lenle-g]

Jussayin I remember that goose stows away on TB4 ficlet you wrote for me like, 4 years ago (hecking great read i still love it) . Hear me out here, but how about a fic where Gordon ""acquires"" (for reasons) a flock of real chickens and just kind of. Leaves them around the villa. But jokes on him because the Bros adopt the chickens and unleash their army led by Captain Clucks back on Gordon. Idk why my brain thought this is a good idea, I'm a bit delirius from a cold rn

Ask Meme: I wish you would write a fic where…

@thundergirl007 This is… something along those lines…

When Scott had toldGordon to get his things and hop in the backseat of Thunderbird One to wait forhim, he’d not expected his brother’s things to be two boxes and a bunched uphoodie that’s, well…

Making some veryodd noises. Noises Scott’s pretty sure hoodies generally don’t make.

“Was that yourstomach?” Scott’s got Thunderbird One 30 miles up in the air heading out overthe South Pacific so that better have been Gordon’s stomach, becausethere’s no way he’s heading back to Grandpa Grant’s old Farm now. Gordon hadbeen out there the better part of a week helping the farmhands that theirGrandma employs to take care of the family property by clearing out the bigold pond on site. The pond was where they all learned to swim but it’s nowterribly overgrown and absolutely teeming with fish, especially as their Father isn’taround to make trips out there with his rod.

“Haha, uh, yeah.”The family fishcake squirms awkwardly in his seat. “Farm cooking is better thanGrandma’s, ya-know, and I miss it already, that’s all.”

Scott narrows hiseyes at his brother over his shoulder but the explanation passes the initialScott Tracy patented big-brother-lie-detection systemTM so he tries to push hissuspicions away and focus on flying. He asks idly about how the reed clearingand relocating some of the overpopulation of fish had gone but he’s only halflistening to Gordon whitter on about the overabundance of bass and catfishbecause he’s sure he can still hear something odd and it’s not Thunderbird Onebecause it’s too organic and…

Right. That’s it. He can’t ignore it anymore.

Gordon’s lap isdefinitely clucking.

“Gordon,” Scottvoices, interrupting him, tentative in a way that suggests he deeplydoesn’t want to know the answer to what he’s about to ask, “Please tellme that’s not what I think it is?”

There’s a soft bwokbwok bwocking is coming from the blue bundle of fabric that Scott had assumedwas just a hoodie.

Oh yeah. It’s, definitely,unmistakably, clucking.

“If you think it’snot a chicken,” Gordon grins, “then I’ve got some great news.”

“A chick…?”

“Bwok?” Theinterruption comes from a small, feathered face with beady little eyes and abright red crop that’s working its way out of the sleeve. “Bwooooook, Bwok?”She pops her head out from the tangled bundle that is, now he looks at it, notjust a hoodie but definitely one of John’s hoodies, and she tilts it athim almost quizzically, brown feathers ruffled and golden eyes sharp andfocused. 

Scott nearly has ahernia.

“Gordon! What!Why?” Thunderbird One does a rapid spiral in the sky as Scott’shands come off the controls to despair at his brother. Said brother whoops,elated and cackles like a madman as his brother fights for control over theirsudden dive. 

“Watch it Scotty!” Littlebrother grins, all teeth. “Oh, hey! I should introduce you! This is Nugget,”Gordon gets both hands around the bird bundle and bops her up and down so thather little face wobbles about like a bobblehead. “Oh… and this is AmeliaEgghart, I named her that for you, since you’re such a fanboy.” One of theboxes by Gordon’s feet gives an indigent squawk and Scott makes a sound deep inhis throat that almost matches it.

“Amelia Egg…” Bigbrother’s expression looks honestly a little pained. “You didn’t…”

“The third oneis Princess Lay-a.” Gordon adds, almost notchlant, face the very picture ofinnocence except for the uncontainable smirk that’s pulling at the corners ofhis mouth. He all but counts down to Scott’s predictable freak out.

“The… the third?Gordon! No!” Scott growls. Is it too late to go back to Kansas? It’sprobably too late to go back to Kansas. “How many chickens did you take!?!”

“Just the threelovely lay-dees.” Gordon pets Nugget gently on the crown of her little featheryhead and it’s a small miracle he doesn’t lose any fingers to her nipping beak - for the petting or the pun, it’s not entirely clear. “They don’t call me Gordon Coop-er Tracy for nothing.”

“And you’re tellingme they couldn’t possibly have stayed on the farm?” Scott’s voice isstrained, as if just how bad that joke was has made him feel physically ill.

“What?” Littlebrother shrugs, “They’re technically our chickens anyway. It’s not likeI’m stealing.”

“Tell that to Ben andthe others when they’re expecting eggs in the morning.” Scott huffs, “Where areyou going to keep a chicken anyway? We don’t exactly have a coop onTracy Island.”

“Virgil’ll build mesomething.” He informs the elder Tracy, smug, “Virgil loves me.”

“No way.” Scottshakes his head, exasperated. “You are not keeping them. You had enoughtrouble trying to keep those fish we got you in Third Grade alive. I had tofeed them because you’d forget!”

“Mr Bubbles lived avery long and healthy life, thank you.”

“Mr Bubbles gotswim bladder within two weeks of you having him and John built the damn fish abuoyancy aid out of cork and plastic straws!”

“He recovered! John’sa master of neutral buoyancy.” Gordon waves Nugget at him once more. “Thechicken thinks you’re being very foolish about all this.” He says, and Nugget givesthe indignant squawk of a bird that really isn’t enjoying being shaken aroundby Gordon’s hands and Scott’s distracted flying.

“The chicken thinks?!?Oh no, no. Absolutely not.” Big brother has the authority here. “Youcan’t keep the chickens.”

Gordon blinkspsudeo-innocently up at him. Schemes a-plenty lying in wait behind the purityof those treacherous honey brown eyes.

“But Scott,they were going to have Nugget for,” He cups his hands either side of herfluffy little head and whispers, “Dinner!” Scott’s palm slaps tiredly over his eyes and he groans in a way that lets Gordon know he’s won. “You wouldn’t let that happento her now, would you?” 

Needless to say, thechickens get to stay.

[meatmutt-sfw]

them as youtubers | slashers

this is so stupid and has prolly been done but idc :P anyway modern!hcs and no real pairings

pairing(s): bo sinclair X reader, brahms heelshire X reader, bubba sawyer X reader, carrie white X reader, lester sinclair X reader, thomas hewitt X reader, vincent sinclair X reader, billy loomis & stu macher X reader

warning(s): none

— bo : mechanic stuff cause he’s a cis man and maybe like a vlog if enough people ask for it

✰ posts maybe once every month cause he hates the editing process

✰ first video: tour of my truck (ft, my brothers and dog in the background cause they don’t know how the shut the hell up)

✰ most popular video: monday vlog 2–i almost kill lester,,, again

— brahms : it’s probably just book reviews or him playing the piano or possibly boyfriend asmr if he feels extra lonely

✰ either posts every week or once every two months

✰ first video: good evening

✰ most popular video: i share my cardigan with you cause the mansion’s cold and make you a pb&j :D [bfe]

— bubba : he’s showing off his favorite things since his family never really pays attention to him when he wants to show them something

✰ random uploads since he’ll get busy and forget about it

✰ first video: meet my family !! they’re super cool

✰ most popular video: making dinner for my brothers

— carrie : loves doing get ready with me videos when going out anywhere besides school

✰ uploads the video about a week after the event

✰ first video: prom vlog !!

✰ most popular video: my first date: grwm (+voice over of how it went) <3

— lester : just him pranking his brothers with dog content tossed into the videos like,, that’s really it

✰ posts weekly for the most part

✰ first video: vincent and i plot to give bo a taste of his own medicine

✰ most popular video: it didn’t work.

— thomas : he shows off sewing techniques to help people who wanna learn or are learning how to sew; usually angles the camera above his hands so you don’t see his face

✰ will post once every two weeks if he can since he likes to keep a schedule

✰ first video: basic stitches anyone can learn

✰ most popular video: face reveal—please be nice

— vincent : sculpting techniques, occasional boyfriend asmr, tours of the town, showing off his mother’s works along with his, and more

✰ one post each week cause he enjoys it more than he thought he would

✰ first video: what i do in a day in ambrose (ft. my brothers & dog)

✰ most popular: finishing a painting while you tell me about your week [bfe] [feel free to talk while you watch :)]

— billy & stu : conspiracies, horror movie reviews, pranks, how to make fake blood/injuries, etc.

✰ also posts once every week if not twice a week if they’re doing a series

✰ first video: why randy could be the killer

✰ most popular video: the best of billy & stu (over 2 hours of us being stupid)

other slasher works.

meatmutt-sfw © 2022 all rights reserved.

[rewatching-sam-and-dean]

The Pilot (Part 3 of 3)

So, this post will wrap up my Pilot episode commentaries, reviews … whatever they should be classified as. Again, thanks to everyone who checked out Part 1 and Part 2. This one took me ages because I ended up writing about the whole rest of the episode. And here I thought Part 2 took me a long time. But, for anyone who takes a minute to read this one, thank you. And please feel free to comment with what you liked best (or didn’t) about the Pilot.

[For anyone who might have seen this post already, I’m reposting since I needed to fix some things and Tumblr wasn’t cooperating.]

On the Road Again

(Alternate Title: Sam and Dean Brothering)

My commentary and more pic edits are under the cut …

THE CASE

ABOUT ME: Alight, so honesty time, I don’t really like horror. Yes, I watched the mainstream ones that came out in the theaters when I was in high school and university (Hello, Mr Padalecki in House of Wax), largely because it was something to go do with friends, but it’s certainly not a favorite genre of mine. I’ve never seen ones like The Exorcist and I don’t plan to. However, SPN, even in the early seasons is more like horror lite, but even then there are episodes I won’t watch while going to bed because I don’t want that crap swimming around my subconscious while I’m sleeping. But all that being said, I generally don’t mind the creep factor on the show, and I like some of the monsters, but the relationships, especially between Sam and Dean are what hooked me on the show. All this is just to explain why I generally probably won’t talk that much about the cases of the week unless they are very relevant to a plot arc or I really like/hate them.

THE MONSTER OF THE WEEK: Anyway, The Woman in White is a pretty decent first ghost to set up the show, and the case shows us what the Winchesters do when they hunt and what they know about the supernatural world. The MOTW gives us some classic horror tropes (the cheater gets killed, ghost kids are creepy as hell), and it sets up some classic SPN tropes (shooting ghosts and blood splats, anyone?). I think the ghost is sufficiently creepy. The case is fairly straightforward, but it’s not like I usually tune into the show for the mystery alone, so that’s fine with me. I think the effects are pretty decent for the ghost given when it was filmed, though the glitchy-ness makes it feel a little too much like computer effects, at times. Still, the only part that really stands out to me in a bad way is when the ghost kids zoom over to their ghost mother and … latch on to her? Whatever they are doing, it looks weird, to me, and kind of awkward, and it sort of takes me out of the moment. Overall though, I think the ghost and the first case are a good start to the show.

WORKING TOGETHER AGAIN

GETTING STARTED: When Sam and Dean first start working the case, we really start to see who they are as people and their dynamic. Surprising to no one who has watched the show, Jared and Jensen do a phenomenal job of selling Sam and Dean as siblings despite not looking much alike. Their frequent bickering and physicality paint a very convincing picture of siblings dynamics between people who grew up together. As someone with brothers myself, their teasing and the occasional smack feel on point to me.

When they get into the car, the show sets up how Dean and his Dad live and support themselves, as well as Sam's vague disdain for scamming credit cards. But one of the most classic of all SPN imagery and concepts is set up here with Dean as the driver, picking the music, with Sam riding shotgun. If this isn’t also a metaphor for a good portion of their relationship, I don’t know what is; Dean is the boss and Sam is expected to follow (except when he doesn’t). On a similar note, later in the episode, the irony of Dean calling Sam a control freak when Sam shoves his chair away from the computer is … phew. Dean, my friend, you are a black pot and Sam is your kettle. Anyway, not only does the way they act around each other, and play off of each other, more then sell them as brothers, it starts to reveal who they are.

Dean is a snarky smart-ass who clearly has little respect for authority (when it isn’t his dad), as he has no problem lying to or even mouthing-off to law enforcement. To him, they are civilians poking their noses into monster business, so he can’t be bothered to pretend to respect what they have to officer. Sam kicks Dean under the officer's sight line for his flippancy, and aside from being a classic sibling move, this suggests he has more respect for authority (when it isn’t his dad) and the law in particular (as a hopeful future lawyer, this is not a surprise) than Dean. It also shows he’s more cautious and less brash than Dean, not wanting to draw too much attention to themselves by being snarky or confrontational.

Besides starting to establish who our main characters are, this early part of the case starts to reveal the complexity of how Sam and Dean feel about each other. Clearly, there is a lot more volatile emotions simmering away than simple sibling rivalry. Sam seems to resent Dean siding with their dad over him, and both his dad and brother's for hunting and revenge. On the other hand, Dean is clearly not over Sam leaving (abandoning him, their dad and the mission) and is seemingly itching for a bit of a fight. All it takes is one statement from Sam about their mom being gone no matter what they do, for Dean to break. As I mentioned in (I think) my Part 1 discussion, this moment, paired with the introduction scenes with Mary, makes a lot of sense. Dean is pissed that Sam doesn’t seem to take the mission seriously enough, while Sam truly can’t remember her, so it’s impossible for him to feel the same connection to dad's mission of revenge as Dean. Despite growing up together, these boys clearly did not have entirely the same childhood experience (which of course, we will see more of later). Despite their tension, it’s also clear that these brothers care about each other and are comfortable together. They speak at the same time (jinx!), showing they are clearly in sync. They are both annoyed and amused by each other's teasing, especially Sam reluctantly smiling at Dean's snark. They sit so close that they’re practically on top of each other, which they definitely would not do if they didn’t like each other and weren’t comfortable with each other. And, they express their care for each other in their own (jerk-bitch) emotionally constipated way. The latter is especially true for Dean of the no chick-flick moments. Even after years apart, these guys clearly have a close bond, despite their issues.

DIVIDING AND CONQUERING

HOW THE WINCHESTERS WORK: Even when detained by the police, Dean, we see is holding true to his fearless and flippant persona as he gives the cop interrogating him little respect and a lot of attitude. We also find out a little more about Dean and John. They clearly think ahead, setting up systems for finding each other in the inevitability of them getting separated (the coordinates in the journal). This is something I love seeing in the show later with Sam and Dean, their code words and contingency plans. These are aspects of the characters that really make them feel real and competent, and I wish we got more of this throughout the seasons. When the officer gets called away, we also see that Dean is resourceful (hello, Clippy!), and can pick a lock.

Meanwhile, we see the first hints os Sam's true super power, puppy-dog eyes. Still, they must not be up to full power after years off the job, as the widower ends up storming off in an offended and guilty huff. Next, as it turns out, Sam was the one who called in the tip that cleared out station, giving Dean the opportunity to make his escape. I love that Sam does this for three particular reasons. First, it shows that he’s smart and resourceful, and, despite his desire to no longer be a part of the hunting life, thinking on his feet is clearly still very much a part of him. Secondly, and related to my first point, this move shows how he and a Dean are a team, even when separated. Sam knows that if he gets Dean an opportunity, he will find a way to use it and escape. Finally, this little move of essentially prank calling the cops, reveals more about Sam. Mr. Future Lawyer is not above breaking the rules if it means helping his brother. This confirms to us that Sam isn’t exactly the straight-laced guy he appears to be at the start of the episode.

A couple more things that stand out for me, while the brothers are on the phone, is how proud Dean clearly is of Sam fior making that call into the police (one of us! one of us!), and Sam is full on smiling while discussing his recent misdemeanor. Whether he likes it or not, a part of Sam enjoys this. He is having fun hunting, or at least hanging out with Dean, and Dean is loving having Sam back.

REUNITED FOR NOW

(But really, for the next 15 years, give or take a few separations)

BETTER TOGETHER: So, not-unsurprisingly, Sam gets attacked by the ghost. He is a faithful guy, which already seemed pretty clear from his vibe when he’s first introduced in the episode, but it’s nice to have confirmed. The ghost doesn’t care and basically sexually assaults him so that she’ll be justified in killing him. I mean … bad form, Constance. Dean shows up shooting her in the face, which distracts her just long enough (despite not being salt shells - is this when they get the idea to start using salt shells, I can’t recall?) for Sam to crash the impala into the house, effectively taking her home. So, Sam helped save Dean by giving him a chance to get out of custody, and Dean helps save Sam by distracting the ghost so Sam can bring her back to the house. I like how they both save each other, or give each other the opportunity to save themselves. This establishes that they are both capable alone but better when they work as a team.

So, besides my comments on the screen shots above, a few more things really stand out for me in the final parts of the episode. Sam, who just crashed a car into an abandoned house, was attacked by a ghost, and has now been threatened by his sibling, is again smiling. This weirdo is having a good time, and I love it. I keep pointing this out because I don’t think I fully noticed just how much Sam smiles in the Pilot when I watched it before, and a lot of the time it’s with Dean or just after breaking the law or being attacked. It really adds some interesting nuance to Sam, who is not simple the straight man, and informs his conflict over going back home.

Another thing that stands out to me here is just how desperately Dean wants Sam to stay with him. We can practically feel it through the screen. A part of him was clearly starting to hope that now that they found their groove again, Sam might just stay with him, that maybe he would blow off that law school interview after all. He is clearly crushed when Sam says he has to get back, and we pretty much see him scrambling to pull his armor back on to protect himself from Sam's rejection. It’s almost heartbreaking, which is a testament to Jensen's acting, as well his and Jared's chemistry and ability to make these guys seem real. In just about 45 minutes, we are invested in these characters and their relationship. Jared does a good job with Sam, too. We can clearly see his conflict; he did have fun hunting with Dean, it’s clear that he had missed Dean, and I think a part of him wants to stay with Dean. But Sam is stubborn, and more than that, he has built a new life for himself, a plan. Still, when he offers that olive branch when they’re saying goodbye, of him and Dean hanging out some time soon, I believe that he wants to, but I’m not sure if either of them believe it will happen. It’s actually sad to think they are going their separate ways, and we’re already rooting for them to stay together.

Finally, the episode comes full circle with Sam finding Jess on the ceiling (not pictured above because it just creeps me out, like with Mary), the fire, Dean saving him again by pulling him out of the fire, and Sam picking up his father's mantel of vengeance. At this point, Dean has been fully established in our eyes as Sam's protector, and Sam has been established as our doubly tragic hero who is now on his own mission for revenge.

FINAL THOUGHTS: One last thing that I forgot to mention above that I love about the Pilot is the humor that runs though it. It’s not uproariously funny or anything, but it has nice doses of humor throughout. A good amount of this comes from Dean who is established as a funny character, but funny moments also come from a lot of the brothers' interactions. Their squabbling and backhands, or digs on each other, add a nice bit of realism and lightness to what could otherwise be an unrelentingly dark episode. I love how this becomes an established part of the show later, I think starting especially in Season 2. In later seasons, though it does get a little too heavy handed for me on occasion. I think it’s ultimately a big part of what mane Supernatural different. That and Sam and Dean's general unhingedness regarding each other.

Regarding Jess, as much as I like her character and believe Sam would have eventually returned to hunting regardless, now that Dean is back in his life, I think it makes sense that she dies here, giving him that push. It gets them going on the hunt more quickly. Also, I read somewhere that the writers had toyed with having Jess be possessed. I’m truly glad they never went that route. I think it’s much more poignant that she was just a good person, who Sam loved. It’s more tragic, more painful him him to lose her as she is in the Pilot, and it’s ultimately a more pure relationship.

At the end of the episode, we are left with a lot of questions to speculate on, and even more that we want to find answers for. This, besides establishing the characters, is just about the most important thing a Pilot can do. It leaves us curious and wanting to know more. Would Sam have seen Dean again if Jess hadn’t died (yes)? Where is the dad? Why is he leaving them coordinates, instead of just calling or texting them? When are we going to see him again. What is going to happen to Sam now that he’s lost Jess in this way? What will this mean for the brother’s relationship going forward? What killed their mother and Jess? Why? What other kinds of scary crap are the boys going to come up against?

Will we find some of the answers in Season 1, Episode 2, Wendigo (I mean … mostly, no)?

Well, this ended up being way longer than I planned, so if you made it to the end, thank you so much for reading! Please feel free to comment or reblog with your thoughts on the episode!

To be Continued …

… in Wendigo, Part 1, coming soon-ish …

[digimonandpokemon]

YESS we can, I've never seen anything but good reviews for this book, and by reviews I meant a bunch of tropes listed that don't actually tell me nothing about the plot so, please, please share with us about your reading experience thank <3

Aksjdmdkzkjdd alright alright I shall share my reading experience of this book through the lense of an asexual person who really likes fantasy novels because I think world building is really cool and could only read like a few chapters before getting so frustrated with it, it is hiding in the back of my book shelves :)

Spoilers obvs ajdhkdkd

Number one, there is very little world building. The author kind of explains things but it is obviously not the authors main focus cause most of the world building we get is "There's elves :) and they have magic :0 and won't you know it, they hate humans !!!" We also learn that all of elves are cursed to wear masquerade masks for their entire lives which is explained to us with the emotional depth of that one scene in trolls.

Number two, the elves hate the humans except this very mysterious handsome elven prince that has taken an interest in this one main character because he just "see something in her 😊" we learn that the elves live excluded from the rest of the world, divided off by a giant wall. The book obviously makes you feel like the main character is going to be the key to making the elves and the humans live in harmony again. Because duh.

Number three, do not take this as a stab towards the main character. I personally think she's a great main character who's head strong and does what she needs to to survive. She's make the perfect main character for any fantasy novel but since I personally don't like romance novels and I always see romance as "pulling the main character down into a love interest" it just doesn't do it for me. I mean she was a little a bland but I think that's just how the writing is. Which leads me into

Number 4, the writing is very one dimensional. I feel like the author was trying to make the writing interesting and powerful but they fell short and it was just kinda meh. For example after the main character kills a wolf and sells the hide we are lead to belive its a fay. So the author brings in this bad ass huntress who is covered in battle scars and has seen horrors beyond the compression of our mortal minds. The main character sells the wolf hide to her and asks if its a fey after the huntress gives some ominous warning that the elves were beginning to grow a lot more brave, getting closer and closer to towns. She's like "hmm it doesn't look like to be a fey hide but it is an impressive game :]" and you're like great! No author would purposefully mislead us like that after bringing in a clearly experienced character that seems to know what their talking about. Because if they did that would just be a waste of a scene a waste of a character and a waste of my time because that is just sloppy writing. I mean come on hahahaha

Oh fucking wait it was an elf this entire time! Haha! The author sure did trick you! Hahaha! And there other small details that are super inconsistent that I do not want to get into.

I was recommended this book multiple times and it's really popular so obviously there must be a reason and I personally didn't get very far into the book. My judgment just might not be fully flushed out and I may eventually go back and try to read more. It just doesn't do it for me.

However, if you want a YA fantasy series that I 100% recommend you should definitely give Odin's Child a try!!

I read the book in 2 days I couldn't put it down. It's got a good female protagonist with a a really well written out slow burn in it (so good that I even vibe with it which is hard for me to do) and this series kind of pulls a reverse on you. The world its describing is considered normal, yet OUR world is considered strange and hell like. There a three books in total and I'm only the second, but if the other two are like the first one I have no doubts it'll be good. The writing is really well thought out, the world building is so so good. It builds off of classic troupes and flips it right on its head.

I won't spoil anything just in case lmaoo

Anyways I'm done ranting and it is time for me to sleep :) gn

[gilbirda]

I really love going to the "Dr Strange and the Multiverse of Madness" tag and seeing good reviews of the movie and there's this part where they say

oh and btw i didn't see Wandavision lol

AND IT SHOWS

the person that wrote the script DIDN'T CARE ABOUT WANDA EITHER and it fucking shows

I'm really really sad...

It happens every time with these things. There is a complex character with unique motivations and painful growth, someone that is one bad thing away from completely snapping, and when they do, they deeply regret it and try to undo the damage not because "it's the right thing" but because nobody deserves to suffer like they did.....

and people point at them and say "haha evil crazy lady"

[Yes, it's usually a woman (I wonder why 😁 )]

(rant under the cut) (yes there are spoilers)

If the villain of the movie had been idk, Mordo, or another version of Strange that snapped or something, the ending wouldn't have been so crappy. Hell, they did the same fucking storyline with 'What If...?' chapter 4, when Strange messes up his universe real bad to bring Christine back to life. And that man? The man gets his redemption. He is a little mew mew. He 'sacrifices himself for the greater good' and lives the rest of his life atoning for what he did.

Wanda is a caricature of herself. The Scarlet Witch my ass. It was just an excuse to validate the 'evil crazy lady' thing they had been pushing her character into until now.

For what? For her ending to be "oh nooooo, i had become a monster oh noooo i will collapse this building over meeeee". It took what? 3 minutes? 5 minutes, tops? In a 2 hour movie that did some amazing shots showing a bloodied and red eyed crazy evil lady she suddenly changes her mind because her kiddies are like ¨noooo, evil crazy lady please dont kill usssss"

Give me a fucking break

Michael Waldron, the writer, is not good! I checked who the hell was this man and why I hated the movie so bad and lo and behold, he did Loki and the 5th season of Community. Guess what are the main complaints about those two?

Bad writing.

I am not saying that everything bad about this movie is because of this 1 man, but...

I am so angry

Let's not fucking start with the whole "yeah she's a good person but at the end of Wandavision she was reading the Darkhold so she was planning this all along and had been playing nice 😆"

No????

It is explicitly said in the movie that the Darkhold "uses your deep desires and corrupts you completely" and that "it's influence is almost inescapable" and when Dr Strange has to use the Darkhold everyone is like ohhhh, please dont go to the dark side, we love you, I have your hand, etc etc etc

Wanda? Nah, she's just a crazy bitch. She deserves to die. Darkhold? What Darkhold influence? She's been evil from the start!

WANDA LET GO OF HER DREAM BECAUSE SHE KNEW THE CONSEQUENCES OF FORCING IT TO BECOME REALITY

She just wanted to learn how to use her magic so it didn't happen again. Nobody ever cared about her or trained her. The people that cared, died for a cause that wasn't theirs.

How freaking sad is that?

(and people would know if they saw Wandavision)

(In any case, this movie acts as if Wandavision didn't happen so 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️)

MoM could have been such a great movie and it's so disappointing that nobody cares that if you take away the horror elements, the flashy CGI and the recognizable faces there's a really bad story behind.

Everyone that liked the movie. Good! I had a really good time. The pacing is great and the acting is fantastic!

But please stop praising it's plot for having "new ideas" and "daring plotlines". No. It is trash. The story is bad. We can enjoy things that are bad, but it is still bad.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Software

Okay, so now that I’ve had my little dialogue post rant about the political and economic situation that gives me the horrors every time I have to think about it too hard (so basically always), a little bit more in the way of personal news:

I want to throttle our IT department.

See, the plan was supposed to be that our IT department handled the last couple of tiny niggling things that needed to be set up on my laptop by the end of the week so I could start working from home the first week of October, immediately after my week off. I don’t know how the hell long it takes to set up an account and install a bit of software, but if two-plus days is ‘expedited’, I’d hate to think what the standard timeframe would generally be. Summary: I haven’t heard a fucking thing about this. I’m going to have to prod them tomorrow going, “Erm, excuse me, my manager did say this should be finished by the end of the week, so could I please get an update?” Which I hate doing but this is going to throw everything out of whack.

Also, my computer wants to upgrade me to Windows 11. I don’t know if I want Windows 11. I’ve read a few reviews and it’s not as if it looks bad or anything? Just ... something else to get used to and I don’t really want to. Especially not when it’s only been out for about two months. I’m always a little leery about early access; it’s one thing when it’s a video game and you know there’s going to be some bugs because no one bothers to make sure it’s properly up to par in this age of fixes and patches, but it’s for entertainment purposes so it’s just annoying. It’s a little different when it’s your whole operating system. That feels like a big gamble.

Of course, I know I’m going to have to, and it’s going to bug me until I finally agree to install the damn thing, but I’m at least not going to do so late in the evening when I have work the next day. I want to keep an eye on it and then I want to immediately muck with whatever godsawful colour scheme Windows wants to stick me with as a default. That’s going to require more than an hour or so.

Don’t mind me; I have enough uncertainty in my life without my computer going, “Hey! Time for a brand new OS! Install it now now now!” out of absolutely nowhere as far as I’m concerned. Give an entity some warning, jeez.

[lioncunt]

any way the wind blows review!!!

gonna put it under a cut but tl;dr i really really loved it and even the things that i was on the fence about i’ve decided i love as well lmfao

so i kind of knew going into both this and wayward son that the plot wouldn’t really EVER be as narratively satisfying as carry on’s. it would definitely be interesting and have a lot of cool thematic elements, but in terms of being a grand deconstruction of the “chosen one” genre, it couldn’t ever get better than carry on. and i’m so happy rainbow didn’t try to MAKE it that. she didn’t pull a supernatural and up the stakes to impossible, outlandish degrees. both wayward son and awtwb had realistic, fascinating plots that served as a metaphor for the internal struggles of the characters.

the reason i’m beginning this review by talking about the plot is because it’s what i’ve seen the most criticism directed towards. and like i DO get it, i also was taken aback at first at how the actual plot is kind of background noise for the first couple hundred pages. but like...i think it WORKS. again, this whole trilogy is a deconstruction. that’s its PURPOSE. obviously it’s doing other things as well, but it started by taking this well-worn and well-loved trope and completely turning it on its head, giving us permission to acknowledge all the damage it causes and how our love of this type of story is honestly kind of harmful. we turn off that part of our brains when we read harry potter or something else with traumatized child protagonists, in order for us to actually enjoy it, but the simon snow trilogy has always said, “hey, this is kind of fucked up, huh? you’re allowed to think that.”

anyway, the way that translates to the plot here is that there’s not always some huge mystical big bad, or obviously evil antagonist. the horror can be going on in the world around you, in the background of your day-to-day life dealing with your own shit, creeping up on you until suddenly your loved ones are spouting off nonsense that is an absolutely CHILLING allegory for eugenics, by the way, which i’ve seen NOBODY talk about. the clear political parallels were so well done, but not heavy-handed, and they worked wonderfully as an ending to this story. simon at the end being a target for an angry mob, who are victims of intense ableism themselves (the metaphor of being a weak mage = having a disability), how these religious extremists will point at what they deem abnormal and use them as a scapegoat, the disgusting “survival of the fittest” mentality leading to “i can make this society great again” - it was all just incredibly well written, in my opinion. and the fact that it happened so slowly, in the background, made it all the better. you don’t really notice how bad it’s getting until it’s BAD.

it also, again, works so well as a manifestation of the characters’ inner strife. others have put it better than me already, so i won’t talk about it too much, but the fact that the book is saying you don’t need to be like everyone else in order to accomplish great things and have a good life, you don't need to have magic, you don’t need to be human, you don’t need to be neurotypical or able-bodied or straight or white or ANYTHING these people will have you believe in order to make you obedient to them and hateful to others -- it’s fantastic. 

this kind of segues into the other big criticism i’m seeing, which is simon and baz’s one-day breakup. again, this has already been analyzed well, so i won't ramble about it, but wayward son was their breakup. metaphorically speaking. and i’m glad that it didn’t take some big, grand moment for them to get back together, even though it would have been narratively cathartic. that’s not how life works - it was so much better and realistic to have simon face the harsh difficulties of TRYING than dragging out a separation plot line that would have added NOTHING to his character. or baz’s. the only thing about their entire relationship that i would have done a bit differently is shorten the timeline, because a year and a half is a very long and honestly unrealistic time to go in a relationship without talking about sexual history or going on dates, even if there’s a lot of baggage. but that’s not that big a deal and i’m easily able to look past it.

(as a side note I'm getting annoyed at seeing all these takes that there’s too much sexual content. like i get it because the first two books are solidly YA and this is being marketed as YA even though it’s definitely NA, but like....sex is important. sex scenes and sexual content are an extremely important part of depicting the human experience. and lack of sex as well!! every single intimate scene between them was NOT super graphic and had such incredibly important significance narratively and character-wise - and yeah that includes any kinks that were brought up, like jesus they’re in their 20s and have been in a non-sexual relationship for a year and a half i think it’s pretty fucking relevant that there are intimate scenes!!! anyway moving on.)

i really loved penny and shepard’s plot - their relationship was so wonderful and charming and excellent for their characters, and i only wish we could have gotten their demon plot threaded into the larger picture, because after shepard was cured it felt like they were just standing there. that’s one of my very few complaints about the book. but they’re such good characters and i love them SO MUCH.

AND THANK GOD FOR AGATHA AND NIAMH. like i cannot put into words how fucking happy i was when i realized where that was headed. the cinematic nature of agatha and niamh helping the goat give birth while simon’s flying in the chapel and being targeted by a mob was just. so cool like i can’t even describe it it was so coooooool and then agatha and niamh KISSING and agatha found her PLACE and I'm so happy for her.

just in general the characters and relationships were fucking exquisite. i can’t help but love the way RR writes, especially her dialogue. it’s so real and three dimensional and her characters truly come alive and i care about them and love them so much. i’m so happy they’re happy, i wouldn’t have been able to stand it if they weren’t.

and everything got wrapped up so well in my opinion!! i don’t know what the hell people are talking about when they say they still have questions, like girl what about??? simon found his family, simon got a sword that isn’t tied to trauma, baz found out that he’ll get to grow old with simon, all their families are okay, penny and shepard are in love, agatha’s herding goats and a lesbian, there will probably be new threats and antagonists but they'll be able to handle them, life will continue to be difficult but they’ll get through it like WHAT do you not understand what’s not clicking i genuinely want to know. 

ok actually i have ONE single question and that’s. did baz pick up the sword at the end. because the way it’s written it sounds like he did and i like do not understand that at all. someone answer please.

anyway that’s my review 10/10 would recommend

[prismartist]

The Devil's in the House of the Rising Sun

Fandom: Empires SMP

Words: 1032

CW: mild horror, mild body horror, vomiting, nightmares, derealization, demonic possession

A/N: yes i made an original "song" for this. i put some references to other Red antagonists from minecraft roleplays as well, see if you can spot them ;)

tbh this is just a call-out post for mc series always using nether blocks for supernatural villains. use end blocks or moss blocks for once smh /lh.

enjoy!!

Ao3 Link

- - -

Beware the Maroon, the colour of Hell The endless Nether is the shell Of sprawling dark rocks framed by Black Attached and covering the Devil’s back

Fwhip sings the old folk song quietly as he traverses the cobble bridges, dodging fireballs casually as he reviews his notes. The surrounding danger doesn’t faze him–being the Ruler of Darkness and Chaos, it shouldn’t, and he has more important matters at hand anyhow. The demon is causing far more trouble than he likes, and he takes every opportunity he can to study it. Committing its characteristics to memory will probably be useful.

The heat of the Nether doesn’t seem to be as sweltering, somehow. He hasn’t broken a sweat yet either. As the fireballs whizz by his back, they’re almost… cold.

Fwhip halts in his tracks as another Ghast misses. Did the Nether always feel this nice?

He ponders for a bit, then shrugs before continuing on his way. He must be getting used to it then.

Beware the Crimson, the vines and sobs Your love, your land, the whispers do rob Gives you death, and riches, and nothing less In return, gives back all your promises

Something squirms under Fwhip’s skin.

On most nights he jolts up in bed, unsure if he is forced awake by a nightmare or the uncomfortable feeling creeping down his spine. Flashes of a red room dissipate from his mind as a dark, thick, thing crawls down the back of his arm.

He looks, and despite the lack of light he swears he sees a crimson worm-like strand under his skin, pulsing as it pauses its journey for a brief second. It’s dense, reminiscent of a varicose vein, and Fwhip feels it straining, as if holding itself back from tearing his skin open.

It escapes to his fingertips, leaving a chill in its trail, and disappears.

Fwhip feels like he should shudder. He doesn’t.

Beware the Red Sun, of endless shine Its dust trails a bright, useless line The only comfort ‘cross endless yellow Blood dripping in a hallway narrow

Fwhip hums, kicking the red “Corruption” with a grimace. He should really clean these up soon. Not doing so might make the demon think they’re welcome, and that’s the last thing Fwhip wants. No no, he’s very pleased with his own corruption, thank you very much. The glistening redstone set in deepslate was much more aesthetically pleasing than whatever the demon had in mind. Who were they to impede onto the Ruler of Darkness and Chaos’ idea of… Darkness and Chaos?

Not wishing to frown further at the gross crimson (that was almost familiar; did it always remind Fwhip of something wriggling just under his skin, threatening to burst from it?), Fwhip turns his attention up. It’s a nice, sunny day, perfect for farming and expanding the Grimlands. He takes a deep breath, taking in the fresh air and the smell of gunpowder wafting from the farm nearby.

There’s a taste of iron as well.

How wonderful.

Fwhip finds himself humming a tune. Despite its dark tone, he knew it to be a song for children; it’s perhaps a little silly to be singing a lullaby.

Well, he can’t help it. He’s always liked songs about themself.

Fwhip stops humming.

Did he?

Where did he hear that song from again? He doesn’t remember learning it.

I learned it from the gnomes, you know.

The corruption hums lowly from under him. It might be singing along.

They liked it too.

The sun is bright. It’s wrong.

No, no it’s not. It’s lovely.

It’s sweltering.

The sun is bright. Red, even.

A breathy chuckle brushes against Fwhip’s ear.

That’s how much they feared me.

He can’t turn his head.

Was there something dense wrapping around his feet?

It’s wrapping around his neck too. It feels like a hug.

You’re doing wonderful, my test subject.

He tries to scream, but something thick blocks his throat. It’s wriggling, bubbling up. He can’t tell if it’s bile or something else.

The hug tightens around his neck. He can’t keep it down.

Perfect. So little struggle.

But for now, it’s time for me to move on.

Fwhip opens his mouth, and instead of a scream, Red comes out.

Fwhip jolts awake, scrambling at his blanket in a cold sweat. He glances around frantically, begging his eyes to adjust to the dark. Fwhip presses a hand to his chest, and feels his heart beating rapidly against his skin. At least he’s still alive. And not being eaten by red vines, judging by the lack of it wrapping around his body.

He takes deep breaths, trying to calm down. It’s dark (not Red, no, it’s just black), the outline of chests barely making themselves known. Fwhip clutches at his velvety blanket, and inhales the grassy smell of petrichor from outside.

He doesn’t hear a song, or a growling laugh. He doesn’t taste blood on his tongue.

Fwhip sighs and lies back down, his hand still on his chest, as if trying to keep his heart–or something else–inside of it. He tries to goes back to sleep, his quiet mind somewhat alleviating the unease.

He doesn’t have nightmares for a while after that.

- - -

Gem places down the spruce rhythmically, grateful for the mindless task providing stimulation. The Wizard Tower was coming together quite nicely. Soon enough it’ll be complete, and she can put her powers and studies to use in it.

Hopefully it’ll help with learning about the demon and the Corruption, she thinks with a frown. My nightmares aren’t a good sign. I need to find a way to stop them. They’re a danger to the server.

You’re a danger to your friends, a voice whispers, but she doesn’t dwell on that.

Gem continues building. She doesn’t break a sweat, to her pleasant surprise. She must be getting used to the altitude then.

She can’t help but place the blocks to the beat of a song playing in her head.

Beware the Corruption, the swirling strands Empires so strong will fall at its hands Taint sacred ground, still water shall boil Beware the comforting burns of the Devil’s toil

Something squirms under Gem’s skin.

[xoruffitup]

Annette: The AD Devotee Review

So I saw Annette on its premiere night in Cannes and I’m still trying to process and make sense of those 2.5 hours of utter insanity. I have no idea where to begin and this is likely going to become an unholy length by the time I’m finished, so I apologize in advance. But BOY I’ve got a lot to parse through!!

Let’s start here: Adam’s made plenty of weird movies. The Dead Don’t Die? The Man Who Killed Don Quixote? There are definitely Terry Gilliam-esque elements of the unapologetically absurd and fantastical in Annette, but NOTHING comes close to this film. To put it bluntly, nothing I write in this post can prepare you for the eccentric phantasmagoria you’re about to sit through.

While the melodies conveying the story – at times lovely and haunting, at times whimsical, occasionally blunt and simple – add a unique sense of the surreal, the fact that it’s all presented in song somehow supplies the medium for this bizarre concoction of disparate elements and outlandish storytelling to all coalesce into a single genre-defying, disbelief-suspending whole. That’s certainly not to say there weren’t a few times when I quietly chortled to myself and mouthed “what the fuck” from behind my mask when things took an exceeding turn to the outrageous. This movie needs to be permitted a bit of leeway in terms of quality judgments, and traditional indicators certainly won’t apply. I would say part of its appeal (and ultimately its success) stems from its lack of interest in appealing to traditional arbiters of film structure and viewing experience. The movie lingers in studies of discomfiture (I’ll return to this theme); it presents all its absurdities with brazen pride rather than temperance; and its end is abrupt and utterly jarring. Yet somehow, at the end of it, I realized I’d been white-knuckling that rollercoaster ride the whole way through and loved every last twist and turn.

A note on the structure of this post before I dive in: I’ve written out a synopsis of the whole film (for those spoiler-hungry people) and stashed it down at the bottom of this post, so no one trying to avoid spoilers has to scroll through. If you want to read, go ahead and skip down to that before reading the discussion/analysis. If I have to reference a specific plot point, I’ll label it “Spoiler #___” and those who don’t mind being spoiled can check the correlating numbers in my synopsis to see which part I’m referencing. Otherwise, my discussion will be spoiler-free! I do detail certain individual scenes, but hid anything that would give away key developments and/or the ending.

To start, I’ll cut to what I’m sure many of you are here for: THE MUSICAL SEX SCENES. You want detailed descriptions? Well let’s fucking go because these scenes have been living in my head rent-free!!

The first (yes, there are two. Idk whether to thank Mr. Carax or suggest he get his sanity checked??) happens towards the end of “We Love Each Other So Much.” Henry carries Ann to the bed with her feet dangling several inches off the floor while she has her arms wrapped around his shoulders. (I maybe whimpered a tiny bit.) As they continue to sing, you first see Ann spread on her back on the bed, panting a little BUT STILL SINGING while Henry’s head is down between her thighs. The camera angle is from above Ann’s head, so you can clearly see down her body and exactly what’s going on. He lifts his head to croon a line, then puts his mouth right back to work. 

And THEN they fuck – still fucking singing! They’re on their sides with Henry behind her, and yes there is visible thrusting. Yes, the thrusting definitely picks up speed and force as the song reaches its crescendo. Yes, it was indeed EXTREMELY sensual once you got over the initial shock of what you’re watching. Ann kept her breasts covered with her own hands while Henry went down on her, but now his hands are covering them and kneading while they’re fucking and just….. It’s a hard, blazing hot R rating. I also remember his giant hand coming up to turn her head so he can kiss her and ladkjfaskfjlskfj. Bring your smelling salts. I don’t recommend sitting between two older ladies while you’re watching – KINDA RUINED THE BLATANT, SMOKING HOT ADAM PORN FOR ME. Good god, choose your viewing buddy wisely!

The second scene comes sort of out of nowhere – I can’t actually recall which song it was during, but it pops up while Ann is pregnant. Henry is again eating her out and there’s not as much overt singing this time, but he has his giant hands splayed over her pregnant belly while he’s going to town and whew, WHEW TURN ON THE AIR CONDITIONING PLEASE. DID THE THEATER INCREASE IN TEMPERATURE BY 10 DEGREES, YOU’RE DAMN RIGHT IT DID.

Whew. I think you’ll be better primed to ~enjoy~ those scenes when you know they’re coming, otherwise it’s just so shocking that by the time you’ve processed “Look at Adam eating pussy with reckless abandon” it’s halfway over already. God speed, my fellow rats, it’s truly something to witness!!

Okay. Right. Ahem. Moving right on along….

I’ll kick off this discussion with the formal structure of the film. It’s honestly impossible to classify. I have the questionable fortune of having been taken to many a strange avant-garde operas and art exhibitions by my parents when I was younger, and the strongest parallel I found to this movie was melodramatic opera stagings full of flamboyant flourishes, austere set pieces, and prolonged numbers where the characters wallow at length in their respective miseries. This movie has all the elevated drama, spectacle, and self-aggrandizement belonging to any self-professed rock opera. Think psychedelic rock opera films a la The Who’s Tommy, Hair, Phantom of the Paradise, and hell, even Rocky Horror. Yes, this film really is THAT weird.

But Annette is also in large part a vibrant, absurdist performance piece. The film is intriguingly book-ended by two scenes where the lines blur between actor and character; and your own role blurs between passive viewer and interactive audience. The first scene has the cast walking through the streets of LA (I think?), singing “So May We Start?” directly to the camera in a self-aware prologue, smashing the fourth wall from the beginning and setting up the audience to play a direct role in the viewing experience. Though the cast then disburse and take up their respective roles, the sense of being directly performed to is reinforced throughout the film. This continues most concretely through Henry’s multiple stand-up comedy performances.

Though he performs to an audience in the film rather than directly to live viewers, these scenes are so lengthy, vulgar, and excessive that his solo performance act becomes an integral part of defining his character and conveying his arc as the film progresses. These scenes start to make the film itself feel like a one-man show. The whole shtick of Henry McHenry’s “Ape of God” show is its perverse irreverence and swaggering machismo. Over the span of what must be a five minute plus scene, Henry hacks up phlegm, pretends to choke himself with his microphone cord, prances across the stage with his bathrobe flapping about, simulates being shot, sprinkles many a misanthropic, charmless monologues in between, and ends by throwing off his robe and mooning the audience before he leaves the stage. (Yes, you see Adam’s ass within the film’s first twenty minutes, and we’re just warming up from there.) His one-man performances demonstrate his egocentrism, penchant for lowbrow and often offensive humor, and the fact that this character has thus far profited from indulging in and acting out his base vulgarities.

While never demonstrating any abundance of good taste, his shows teeter firmly towards the grotesque and unsanctionable as his marriage and mental health deteriorate. This is what I’m referring to when I described the film as a study in discomfiture. As he deteriorates, the later iterations of his stand-up show become utterly unsettling and at times revolting. The film could show mercy and stop at one to two minutes of his more deranged antics, but instead subjects you to a protracted display of just how insane this man might possibly be. In Adam’s hands, these excessive, indulgent performance scenes take on disturbing but intriguing ambiguity, as you again wonder where the performance ends and the real man begins. When Henry confesses to a crime during his show and launces into an elaborate, passionate reenactment on stage, you shift uncomfortably in your seat wondering how much of it might just be true. Wondering just how much of an animal this man truly is.

Watching this film as an Adam fan, these scenes are unparalleled displays of his range and prowess. He’s in turns amusing and revolting; intolerable and pathetic; but always, always riveting. I couldn’t help thinking to myself that for the casual, non Adam-obsessed viewer, the effect of these scenes might stop at crass and unappealing. But in terms of the sheer range and power of acting on display? These scenes are a damn marvel. Through these scenes alone, his performance largely imbues the film with its wild, primal, and vaguely menacing atmosphere.

His stand-up scenes were, to me, some of the most intense of the film – sometimes downright difficult to endure. But they’re only a microcosm of the R A N G E he exhibits throughout the film’s entirety. Let’s talk about how he’s animalistic, menacing, and genuinely unsettling to watch (Leos Carax described him as “feline” at some point, and I 100% see it); and then with a mere subtle twitch of his expression, sheen of his eyes, or slump of his shoulders, he’s suddenly a lost, broken thing.  

Henry McHenry is truly to be reviled. Twitter might as well spare their breath and announce he’s already cancelled. He towers above the rest of the cast with intimidating, predatory physicality; he is prone to indulgence in his vices; and he constantly seems at risk of releasing some wild, uncontrollable madness lingering just beneath his surface. But as we all well know, Adam has an unerring talent for lending pathos to even the most objectively condemnable characters.

In a repeated refrain during his first comedy show, the audience keeps asking him, “Why did you become a comedian?” He dodges the question or gives sarcastic answers, until finally circling back to the true answer later in the film. It was something to the effect of: “To disarm people. It’s the only way I can tell the truth without it killing me.” Even for all their sick spectacle, there are also moments in his stand-up shows of disarming vulnerability and (seeming) honesty. In a similar moment of personal exposition, he confesses his temptation and “sympathy for the abyss.” (This phrase is hands down my favorite of the film.) He repeatedly refers to his struggle against “the abyss” and, at the same time, his perceived helplessness against it. “There’s so little I can do, there’s so little I can do,” he sings repeatedly throughout the film - usually just after doing something horrific.

Had he been played by anyone else, the first full look of him warming up before his show - hopping in place and punching the air like some wannabe boxer, interspersing puffs of his cigarette with chowing down on a banana – would have been enough for me to swear him off. His archetype is something of a cliché at this point – a brusque, boorish man who can’t stomach or preserve the love of others due to his own self-loathing. There were multiple points when it was only Adam’s face beneath the character that kept my heart cracked open to him. But sure enough, he wedged his fingers into that tiny crack and pried it wide open. The film’s final few scenes show him at his chin-wobbling best as he crumbles apart in small, mournful subtleties.

(General, semi-spoiler ahead as to the tone of the film’s ending – skip this paragraph if you’d rather avoid.) For a film that professes not to take itself very seriously (how else am I supposed to interpret the freaky puppet baby?), it delivers a harsh, unforgiving ending to its main character. And sure enough, despite how much I might have wanted to distance myself and believe it was only what he deserved, I found myself right there with him, sharing his pain. It is solely testament to Adam’s tireless dedication to breathing both gritty realism and stubborn beauty into his characters that Henry sank a hook into some piece of my sympathy.

Not only does Adam have to be the only actor capable of imbuing Henry with humanity despite his manifold wrongs, he also has to be the only actor capable of the wide-ranging transformations demanded of the role. He starts the movie with long hair and his full refrigerator brick house physique. His physicality and size are actively leveraged to engender a sense of disquiet and unpredictability through his presence. He appears in turns tormented and tormentor. There were moments when I found myself thinking of Conan the Barbarian, simply because his physical presence radiates such wild, primal energy (especially next to tiny, dainty Marion and especially with that long hair). Cannot emphasize enough: The raw sex appeal is off the goddamn charts and had me – a veteran fangirl of 3+ years - shook to my damn core.

The film’s progression then ages him – his hair cut shorter and his face and physique gradually becoming more gaunt. By the film’s end, he has facial prosthetics to make him seem even more stark and borderline sickly – a mirror of his growing internal torment. From a muscular, swaggering powerhouse, he pales and shrinks to a shell of a man, unraveling as his face becomes nearly deformed by time and guilt. He is in turns beautiful and grotesque; sensual and repulsive. I know of no other actor whose face (and its accompanying capacity for expressiveness) could lend itself to such stunning versatility.

Quick note here that he was given a reddish-brown birthmark on the right side of his face for this film?? It becomes more prominent once his hair is shorter in the film’s second half. I’m guessing it was Leos’ idea to make his face even more distinctive and riveting? If so, joke’s on you, Mr. Carax, because we’re always riveted. ☺

I mentioned way up at the beginning that the film is bookended by two scenes where the lines blur between actor and character, and between reality and performance. This comes full circle at the film’s end, with Henry’s final spoken words (this doesn’t give any plot away but skip to the next paragraph if you would rather avoid!) being “Stop watching me.” That’s it. The show is over. He has told his last joke, played out his final act, and now he’s done living his life as a source of cheap, unprincipled laughs and thrills for spectators. The curtain closes with a resounding silence.

Now, I definitely won’t have a section where I talk (of course) about the Ben Solo parallels. He’s haunted by an “abyss” aka darkness inside of him? Bad things happened when he finally gave in and stared into that darkness he knew lived within him? As a result of those tragedies, (SPOILER – Skip to next paragraph to avoid) he then finds himself alone and with no one to love or be loved by? NO I’M DEFINITELY NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT IT AT ALL, I’M JUST FINE HERE UNDER MY MOUNTAINS OF TISSUES.

Let’s talk about the music! The film definitely clocks in closer to a rock opera than musical, because almost the entire thing is conveyed through ongoing song, rather than self-contained musical numbers appearing here and there. This actually helps the film’s continuity and pacing, by keeping the characters perpetually in this suspended state of absurdity, always propelled along by some beat or melody. Whenever the film seems on the precipice of tipping all the way into the bleak and dark, the next whimsical tune kicks in to reel us all blessedly back. For example, after (SPOILER #1) happens, there’s a hard cut to the bright police station where several officers gather around Henry, bopping about and chattering on the beat “Questions! We have a few questions!”

Adam integrates his singing into his performance in such a way that it seems organic. I realized after the film that I never consciously considered the quality of his singing along the way. For all that I talked about the film maintaining the atmosphere of a fourth wall-defying performance piece, Adam’s singing is so fully immersed in the embodiment of his character that you almost forget he’s singing. Rather, this is simply how Henry McHenry exists. His stand-up scenes are the only ones in the film that do frequently transition back and forth between speaking and singing, but it’s seamlessly par for the course in Henry’s bizarre, dour show. He breaks into his standard “Now laugh!” number with uninterrupted sarcasm and contempt. There were certainly a few soft, poignant moments when his voice warbled in a tender vibrato you couldn’t help noticing – but otherwise, the singing was simply an extension of that full-body persona he manages to convey with such apparent ease and naturalism.

On the music itself: I’ll admit that the brief clip of “We Love Each Other So Much” we got a few weeks ago made me a tad nervous. It seemed so cheesy and ridiculous? But okay, you really can’t take anything from this movie out of context. Otherwise it is, indeed, utterly ridiculous. Not that none of it is ever ridiculous in context either, but I’m giving you assurances right now that it WORKS. Once you’re in the flow of constant singing and weirdness abound, the songs sweep you right along. Some of the songs lack a distinctive hook or melody and are moreso rhythmic vehicles for storytelling, but it’s now a day later and I still have three of the songs circulating pleasantly in my head. “We Love Each Other So Much” was actually the stand out for me and is now my favorite of the soundtrack. It’s reprised a few times later in the film, growing increasingly melancholy each time it is echoed, and it hits your heart a bit harder each time. The final song sung during (SPOILER #2), though without a distinctive melody to lodge in my head, undoubtedly left me far more moved than a spoken version of this scene would have. Adam’s singing is so painfully desperate and earnest here, and he takes the medium fully under his command.

Finally, it does have to be said that parts of this film veer fully towards the ridiculous and laughable. The initial baby version of the Annette puppet-doll was nothing short of horrifying to me. Annette gets more center-stage screen time in the film’s second half, which gives itself over to a few special effects sequences which look to be flying out at you straight from 2000 Windows Movie Maker. The scariest part is that it all seems intentional. The quality special effects appear when necessary (along with some unusual and captivating time lapse shots), which means the film’s most outrageous moments are fully in line with its guiding spirit. Its extravagant self-indulgence nearly borders on camp.

...And with that, I’ve covered the majority of the frantic notes I took for further reflection immediately after viewing. It’s now been a few days, and I’m looking forward to rewatching this movie when I can hopefully take it in a bit more fully. This time, I won’t just be struggling to keep up with the madness on screen. My concluding thoughts at this point: Is it my favorite Adam movie? Certainly not. Is it the most unforgettable? Aside from my holy text, The Last Jedi, likely yes. It really is the sort of thing you have to see twice to even believe it. And all in all, I say again that Adam truly carried this movie, and he fully inhabits even its highest, most ludicrous aspirations. He’s downright abhorrent in this film, and that’s exactly what makes him such a fucking legend.

I plan to make a separate post in the coming days about my experience at Cannes and the Annette red carpet, since a few people have asked! I can’t even express how damn good it feels to be globetrotting for Adam-related experiences again. <3

Thanks so much for reading! Feel free to ask me any further questions at all here or on Twitter! :)

*SYNOPSIS INCLUDED BELOW. DO NOT READ FURTHER IF AVOIDING SPOILERS!*

Synopsis: Comedian Henry McHenry and opera singer Ann Defrasnoux are both at the pinnacle of their respective success when they fall in love and marry. The marriage is happy and passionate for a time, leading to the birth of their (puppet) daughter, Annette. But tabloids and much of the world believe the crude, brutish Henry is a poor match for refined, idolized Ann. Ann and Henry themselves both begin to feel that something is amiss – Henry gradually losing his touch for his comedy craft, claiming that being in love is making him ill. He repeatedly and sardonically references how Ann’s opera career involves her “singing and dying” every night, to the point that he sees visions of her “dead” body on the stage. Meanwhile, Ann has a nightmare of multiple women accusing Henry of abusive and violent behavior towards them, and she begins growing wary in his presence. (He never acts abusively towards her, unless you count that scene when he tickles her feet and licks her toes while she’s telling him to stop??? Yeah I know, WILD.)

The growing sense of unease, that they’re both teetering on the brink of disaster, culminates in the most deranged of Henry’s stand-up comedy performances, when he gives a vivid reenactment of killing his wife by “tickling her to death.” The performance is so maudlin and unsettling that you wonder whether he’s not making it up at all, and the audience strongly rebukes him. (This is the “What is your problem?!” scene with tiddies out. The full version includes Adam storming across the stage, furiously singing/yelling, “What the FUCK is your problem?!”) But when Henry arrives home that night, drunk and raucous, Ann and Annette are both unharmed.

The couple take a trip on their boat, bringing Annette with them. The boat gets caught in a storm, and Henry drunkenly insists that he and Ann waltz in the storm. She protests that it’s too dangerous and begs him to see sense. (SPOILER #1) The boat lurches when Henry spins her, and Ann falls overboard to her death. Henry rescues Annette from the sinking boat and rows them both to shore. He promptly falls unconscious, and a ghost of Ann appears, proclaiming her intention to haunt Henry through Annette. Annette (still a toddler at this point and yes, still a wooden puppet) then develops a miraculous gift for singing, and Henry decides to take her on tour with performances around the world. He enlists the help of his “conductor friend,” who had been Ann’s accompanist and secretly had an affair with her before she met Henry.

Henry slides further into drunken debauchery as the tour progresses, while the Conductor looks after Annette and the two grow close. Once the tour concludes, the Conductor suggests to Henry that Annette might be his own daughter – revealing his prior affair with Ann. Terrified by the idea of anyone finding out and the possibility of losing his daughter, Henry drowns the Conductor in the pool behind his and Ann’s house. Annette sees the whole thing happen from her bedroom window.

Henry plans one last show for Annette, to be held in a massive stadium at the equivalent of the Super Bowl. But when Annette takes the stage, she refuses to sing. Instead, she speaks and accuses Henry of murder. (“Daddy kills people,” are the actual words – not that that was creepy to hear as this puppet’s first spoken words or anything.)

Henry stands trial, during which he sees an apparition of Ann from when they first met. They sing their regret that they can’t return to the happiness they once shared, until the apparition is replaced by Ann’s vengeful spirit, who promises to haunt Henry in prison. After his sentencing (it’s not clear what the sentence was, but Henry definitely isn’t going free), Annette is brought to see him once in prison. Speaking fully for the first time, she declares she can’t forgive her parents for using her: Henry for exploiting her voice for profit and Ann for presumably using her to take vengeance on Henry. (Yes, this is why she was an inanimate doll moving on strings up to this point – there was some meaning in that strange, strange artistic choice. She was the puppet of her parents’ respective egotisms.) The puppet of Annette is abruptly replaced by a real girl in this scene, finally enabling two-sided interaction and a long-missed genuine connection between her and Henry, which made this quite the emotional catharsis. (SPOILER #2) It concludes with Annette still unwilling to forgive or forget what her parents have done, and swearing never to sing again. She says Henry now has “no one to love.” He appeals, “Can’t I love you, Annette?” She replies, “No, not really.” Henry embraces her one last time before a guard takes her away and Henry is left alone.

…..Yes, that is the end. It left me with major emotional whiplash, after the whole film up to this point kept pulling itself back from the total bleak and dark by starting up a new toe-tapping, mildly silly tune every few minutes. But this last scene instead ends on a brutal note of harsh, unforgiving silence.

BUT! Make sure you stick around through the credits, when you see the cast walking through a forest together. (This is counterpart to the film’s opening, when you see the cast walking through LA singing “So May We Start?” directly to the audience) Definitely pay attention to catch Adam chasing/playing with the little girl actress who plays Annette! That imparts a much nicer feeling to leave the theater with. :’)