#please feel free to add on your own examples...i got tired even writing this much! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kitchenalia · 2 years ago

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okay so im coming to more of understanding for sure but bare with me, so what is considered female oppression then? do mind giving some examples? also thank you answering nice and throughly it is helpful.

here are what i consider to be strong, clear examples of the oppression of women. some of these forces are stronger in some regions than others. also, this is not a complete list and all links are placed there to be informative, not because i necessarily agree with everything that was said.

poverty and economic deprivation: women suffer from economic disadvantages, not because they don't work but because they shoulder the burden of unpaid and unvalued work. this includes domestic work in the home, such as maintaining the home and raising children, but it also includes work outside of the home. when women enter a previously male-dominated field, the field starts paying less money (archive). we often get the advice to apply to "real," difficult jobs that men traditionally do in order to gain respect and economic independence, but that actually seems to rely on only a few women doing it. otherwise, it becomes a "female-dominated" (women don't even have to be the majority) field, respect drops, and pay disappears. women are kept in poverty, either absolute or relative, through structures that benefit men over women; the fact that societies by and large refuse to compensate women for much of their labor is evidence of this. there is a concept called the "feminization of poverty" which goes into more depth on this.

objectification and sex: women are extensively objectified in society, including through pornography, advertising, and prostitution. prostitution has been "prettified" recently, emphasizing the agency of the women involved in it. however, men have had much greater agency than women for millennia; why are their choices to engage in prostitution so low, and why are the sex buyers so overwhelmingly male? prostitution is set up to be cheap, exploitative "work" in which women are injured, endangered, objectified, raped, and even killed. they rarely escape poverty and many enter it as children. men being able to pay to use an otherwise unwilling woman's body for petty change is intolerable, and it is a definite sign of women's oppression. i have gotten anecdotes of happy camgirls/escorts/strippers who love their jobs; i'd invite everyone, even people who believe that women's agency to participate in our objectification without financial pressures, to read The Myth of the Happy Hooker (archive). it's a depressing read about a woman who was prostituted at the age of 15. what is more male-dominated than a society that fails to prevent 15-year-old girls from being prostituted; what is more male-dominated than men who get excited by the prospect of raping a child? this is linked to the poverty mentioned above: girls and women are mostly prostituted when they have no other choice. i believe that prostitution (along with pornography, as the two are linked) is an extreme form of objectification and an extremely old form of women's oppression that endures, and even worsens, to this day. oh, and men review prostituted women (archive), because prostitution turns women into a commodity that can be used and abused at the punter's will.

femicide. the popular term for this appears to be 'gendercide' but i will not use that term because the male equivalent (androcide) occurs in different contexts and for different reasons. femicide is the intentional killing of women and girls due to their sex, and it includes killing female infants due to son preference. this often manifests in intimate partner violence, in which a boyfriend or husband kills his female partner. you could argue that this is not motivated by misogyny, but it very clearly is when there's a marked difference in partner homicides by sex: around 40% of female homicide victims were killed by a partner, compared to 6% of male homicide victims. domestic violence is a precursor to homicide of a partner, and males dominate domestic violence rates as well; the homicide can occur either within a relationship or after it, when the female partner has already left.

(tumblr forced me to put a break here because of character limits)

femicide pt 2: you could blame this killing on violent individual men (though women are capable of being violent and still do not commonly kill their male partners), but the reason that i'm including it as part of women's oppression is because it shows global, structural discrimination against women. there is evidence that separate dwellings for women can be protective against femicide, but so far, most of these spaces have had to be fought for and built by feminists and other concerned women. also, there are disparities in the punishments between men who kill women and women who kill men, regardless of their abuser status (i.e., abusive men who kill their wives versus women who kill their husbands after being abused). self-defense laws, "stand your ground," and justifiable homicide rulings are all biased against women. stand your ground laws have often been defended as a safety net for women who are targeted by violent men, but in reality, women usually face violent men in their own homes rather than dark alleyways, and in these situations they are not considered to be acting in self-defense. this statistic needs to be researched again, but at one point the average sentence for a man killing his female partner was 2 to 6 years; women who kill their male partners were sentenced to an average of 15 years. this is despite the fact that women killing their husbands have often been the victims of IPV at the hands of their husbands. this is a fact sheet about women in prisons, but it appears to be somewhat limited to information from the 1990s, so feel free to take the information with a grain of salt. it still indicates that we have very recent evidence of bias against women in matters of intimate partner violence and self-defense.

abortion and birth control restrictions. i believe that this is enough of a hot topic at the moment that i do not need to link much here. almost entirely outlawing abortion (even outlawing life-saving/therapeutic abortions, which quite literally will kill women), the possibility of roe v wade being overturned, and the restriction of birth control are all linked to controlling women as a reproductive resource. being forced to stay pregnant and give birth, or else stay pregnant and die in the process, is oppression of women that men would never face. women have unique biology and reproductive capabilities, and these are used against us. i do want to link a short essay by former tumblr user sespurongles, which is about how the proliferation of birth control in recent years has led to us forgetting a common, cruel cycle of constant impregnation for women; however, i can't locate it at the moment and will update it if i can find it. this is what is being fought to be returned to, and there are few safeguards in place. women's rights are relatively new, and they are limited, and they are poorly protected.

other forms of women's oppression. there are many forms that i haven't mentioned, but others include sex stereotyping/femininity being enforced en masse, a lack of power (men have an extreme share of power compared to women, holding most government positions), control by men through family structures, violence and murder during sex, police incompetence or collaboration with male domestic abusers (and arrests of women acting in self-defense), widespread media stereotyping, normalization of abuse and making jokes about it, and sexist religious rules that restrict the movements and abilities of women. honestly there are so many examples that it's really difficult to list them all.

i'd also like to direct you to this really good resource compiled by eliyanah, which has a lot of feminist readings in it, and they explain women's oppression much better and more thoroughly than i ever could. regarding claims that women are no longer oppressed in certain societies, i would invite anyone to think on the implications of the normalization of violent sex, pornography, abortion bans, birth control restrictions, pregnancy tests before being allowed to travel, femicide, intimate partner violence, and financial abuse and coercion. all of these happen to women who are otherwise considered well-off or relatively sheltered, but because of their relative privileges, people are able to handwave the misogyny that they experience as unimportant. it's important to talk about how socioeconomic status can protect women against violence, but it's also important to register and acknowledge that misogyny is built into the structures of society; this isn't all just the random whims of violent men. their entitlement to women's bodies is encouraged, funded, and protected at many turns, and it is women's efforts and agitation that has led to any amount of relief. and even that can be taken from us.

#please feel free to add on your own examples...i got tired even writing this much!

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bukojuiice · 4 years ago

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What happens when the bakusquad babysits Katsuki’s daughter? (Dad! Katsuki Bakugo x Mom! Reader) Headcanons + One-shot

ೃ pairing: (dad! katsuki bakugo x mom! reader)

ೃ warnings: none

ೃ genre: fluff overload, parent fic/hcs

ೃ word count: 5,141 words

ೃ 1/4 of @bukojuiice’s 800 followers special!

ೃ my nav → my mha writing masterlist → my katsuki bakugo x reader smau

ೃ A sequel in the form of headcanons + one-shot to my dad! Bakugo fic “like the soul of honey” I recommend reading that first before going through this! Don’t worry if you don’t want to though! Both are standalone and not really connected with each other.

ೃ This was originally just going to be headcanons, but I didn’t want to keep writing it in hcs style halfway through so be treated to both headcanons + a one-shot instead! as you can tell already, this was so so much fun to write and i felt so soft after writing this uwu

ೃ shoutout to two of my loves @sparkykatsuki for coming up with this idea! I just knew i had to do it bc i love bakusquad sm!! they give me such a serotonin boost and I find it really fun writing about them!! Thank you for having such big brain energy and for conspiring this concept franz! And to @chibishae34 bc i know she loves baby fics as much as I do HSHSHSH

ೃ your daughter’s name is hikari which means light. bakugo thought of that name because light is essentially a part of his quirk and hikari is a part of him.

ೃ please do reblog if you enjoyed!! (feel free to add tags too because i love reading them and my heart swells with happiness when people love my work!) ♡

— Hikari is blessed with the best uncles and aunts she could ever ask for!!

— Both Bakusquad and Dekusquad take turns in helping you and Katsuki get your well deserved rest and relaxation at least once a month ever since Hikari turned 6 as... she became quite the feisty girl. Too feisty to handle actually.

— She was energetic and playful 24/7. And so, it was hard to keep up with her energy most of the time.

— She still remained kind and obedient yet she was also an absolute bundle of joy who would just run around the house, play with her toys, and go on roleplaying adventures with you and Katsuki. She had absolutely no idea how much she would tire you and Katsuki, however, and sometimes she would go on for hours and hours just running around the house and interacting with everything she sees.

— She had an inquisitive mind, and although you always encourage her to be smart and be intrigued with everything, she tends to question almost everything she lays her eyes on and you end up having to come up with a witty and a very childlike answer for her to understand.

— A good example of this is when she asked you ever so innocently about where babies come from and your husband was ABOUT TO TAKE HER QUESTION LITERALLY and give her the science talk about sexual reproduction. When the two of you agreed to only give her that talk when she turns 8 as she might not even entirely understand it in the first place.

— “Mommy, Daddy, where do babies come from?”

— “I guess it’s time for the talk.” Bakugo shrugs, remarking sternly. He takes his daughter’s little hand in his and bringing her to the living room. “You see, Hikari, babies come from the wo-”

— “Storks!” You cut Bakugo off before he could say another word, nudging him on the elbow. “Hikari-chan, the babies are brought down to this world by the white and strong birds in the sky!” You whisper the last bits of information to her ear. “The storks told me that once you get older, they’ll tell you the secret of where they actually pick up the babies.”

— “Really!?” She says in disbelief, her eyes gleaming in excitement. “YAY! YAY! YAY! I can’t wait!” She goes back to running around the house looking for even more things to ask about and you breathe a sigh of relief as soon as she leaves.

— Although it was nice that you are able to bond as a family, it does get pretty tiring sometimes. Of course your weariness is worth the risk if it’s just to see Hikari smile.

— Especially since you and Bakugo were both pro-heroes (although you mostly do stand by pro hero work meaning you work from home almost all the time.) You found it much more enriching if both you and bakugo are guiding her and working together to create a loving and supportive family for Hikari.

— Both of your respective friend groups, whomst you remained close to ever since high school, noticed how the both of you looked tremendously exhausted and looked like you were in dire need to have 9 cups of coffee every time you would meet up with each other in between your pro hero duties.

— And so both squads came into an agreement, that they would help the two of you out by giving you a 48 hour day off every month to do whatever the heck married couples do as they would babysit Hikari and have fun.

— This was also a great way to get closer with their niece even if they dote on her so much already. As you and Bakugo are the first persons in your friend groups who got married and have a child together.

— This month, the Bakusquad is in charge of taking care of Hikari and just from the fact that Kirishima, Kaminari, Mina and Sero are going to babysit your daughter alone, you know it’s going to be chaotic.

— Things didn’t go swimmingly last time (literally), as only Kirisihima and Kaminari were the only ones available the last time they came to babysit. They took Hikari to a community pool, and she came back with a missing tooth and some scratches on her legs from playing too much. Katsuki was NOT pleased and you had to restrain your husband from trying to obliterate his best friends even if Hikari had little to no injuries and it was normal for kids her age to have these things happens to them at least once in their childhood.

— With your assurance and the look that was on Hikari’s face and how she would not shut up about how she loved spending time with Uncle Eijiro and Uncle Denki, Katsuki eventually let it slide and just gave his friends the usual “Katsuki Bakugo treatment” where he acts cold and angry at them, paired with his easily irritated and idgaf attitude.

— This month however, was going to be different because Mina and Sero are finally joining along and making sure that Hikari has the best weekend since they weren’t able to babysit last time.

— Hikari loved her Aunt Mina because she would braid her hair and style her with different cute outfits that only Mina, with her love for fashion and all things girly and pink could attempt to do and end up doing perfectly. She also taught Hikari all the dances to disney songs and nursery rhymes she knows how to do so far. Hikari affectionately refers to her Aunt Pinkie whenever Mina isn’t around.

— Kirishima, who was the most frequent to visit the 3 of you, out of all of the Bakusquad, considers Hikari as his new #1 best friend. Dethroning and kicking her very own father from that spot. Hikari is a much more gentle and sweet version of her explosive father, and so Eijiro is able to interact and play with Hikari because he already knows Bakugo and his mannerisms very well. Hikari calls him Uncle Sharkie and she always asks her dad about how he and Kirishima became such good friends. To which Katsuki would reply with, “It’s a long story princess.”

— Kaminari was the fun uncle. He always gave off those vibes ever since high school anyway. Giving Hikari candy behind Katsuki’s back (although you made sure Kaminari didn’t give her any that were tooth rotting sweet ones) Buying her ice cream whenever he came to drop by, and bringing her to the nearby playground amongst many other things. He spoils her a lot (in a good way) and Hikari calls her the fun “sparkie” uncle.

— Then, there was Sero. He retained his love for Spiderman since he was a kid, and he was able to pass that on to Hikari. His way of playing with her was cute since Sero is super tall, he would let Hikari ride on his shoulders, trying to imitate airplane noises as they would “fly” around the house. He gifted Hikari some child-friendly comic books for you and Katsuki to read to her before. bed. Although she never fails to say that the best heroes are her mommy and daddy. She calls Sero her Uncle Spidey.

— Uncle Sharkie, Uncle Sparkie, Aunt Pinkie, and Uncle Spidey. The Holy Quaternity.

(One-shot starts below this!)

“AUNT MINA! UNCLE EIJIRO! UNCLE DENKI! UNCLE SEROOO!” Hikari rushes to the door as soon as she hears the doorbell ring, she jumps into Eijiro’s arms and the red-haired pro hero twirls her around. The rest of the Bakusquad forms a circle around her, and can’t help but look at her adoringly.

“How’s my little ball of sunshine!?” Mina squeezes Hikari’s cheekies, earning giggles from the little girl. “I’m fine Aunt Mina! I mished chu!” She begins to talk in a cute accent as she just can’t contain her excitement.

“Hikari-chan! Do you still remember our little handshake?” Sero kneels down to the little girl’s height, offering her his hand. The little girl nods, shakes it and their thumbs twiddle together, as if they were thumb wrestling. They do a few more quirky hand shakes and then end it with a bang by saying “BOOM!” Sparks suddenly fly out from Hikari’s hands, her aunt and uncles coo since noticing how much her quirk has developed ever since they started babysitting.

“Okay you two!” Mina turns to you and Katsuki, as she had noticed you had some distinct luggage packed for a quick hot spring getaway, she practically pushes the two of you out of the door when Katsuki stops in his tracks, turning to his friends.

He glares at them and points his fingers to his eyes in a “I’m watching you” type of gesture. “Not one single scratch on her or all of you are dead to me.”

Kaminari laughs, patting his friend on the back, “We gotchu buddy. Your little ball of sunshine is safe in our hands. She’ll have the best time with us!”

Hikari quickly runs to you and Katsuki, giving you both a tight hug. “We love you Hikari. We’ll just be gone for two days oki? Your uncles and your aunt here will keep you safe this weekend alright? We love you!” You peck her lightly on the cheek, a pout forming on your daughter’s face.

“I’ll miss you Mommy. Daddy.” She doesn’t let go, hugging the two of you even tighter. “I loaf you! See you soon!”

“Be a good girl okay Hikari?” Katsuki kneels down to meet his daughter’s eyes, orbs that were as passionate as his, planting a kiss on her forehead. “We’ll miss you kiddo.”

You could hear Kaminari and Sero silently snicker in the background since they still can’t wrap their head around the fact that their friend could become so soft when in front of his child as opposed to his usual rough demeanor he shows to everyone else.

Katsuki wraps his arm around your waist, holding you tightly, with you dragging along the luggage that the two of you were going to bring on this trip. You bid your final goodbyes with ease and relief, knowing that your daughter will be in “safe hands” the entire weekend.

“We’re going to have so much fun!” Mina squeezes Hikari and the rest of the Bakusquad into a hug. “What do you want to do first Hikari-chan?”

“Oh! Um! I don’t know if I should ask this b-but..” The blonde little girl hides her hands in her pockets, her feet tapping the floor. “I actually want to know how Mommy and Daddy met! Not the marry or the lovey thing! Just how they met and fell in love!”

“Hikari-chan!! You’re so cuteeeeeeee!” Kaminari begins to weep crocodile tears, pulling Hikari into another hug. “If that’s what you want to do for today, then we’ll gladly tell the story of how your mom and dad met!”

The Bakusquad formed and sat in a circle on the floor. Hikari was sitting on Mina’s lap as the latter braided her hair into what was called a Fishtail braid. Kirishima, with the help of Sato, baked some chocolate chip cookies a few days ago for all of them to snack on while they babysit Hikari.

Sero clears his voice and begins the story. “Your mom and your dad met each other in High School. Along with all of us and your Uncle Izuku, Uncle Tenya, Uncle Shoto, Aunt Ochaco, Aunt Tsuyu-” He continues to recall the names of all the other people Hikari know and love. “They were total opposites actually.”

“O-opposithes?” Hikari tilts her head, a puzzled look on her face as she tries to process what her Uncle Sero had just said. “D-does that mean that Daddy didn’t like Mommy?”

“It’s not like that Hikari-chan. Don’t worry.” Kirishima saves Sero from making the little girl misinterpret what he had just said, nudging his raven-haired friend in the arm. “It’s just that your dad was hot-headed and angry all the time, but he fell in love with your mom because she was sweet, patient and understanding!” Kirishima reiterates, a soft look on his face, looking back on the sweet sentimental memories of high school. “They were perfect for each other!”

“Oh! So daddy was angy all the time? Since mommy is really nice she told Daddy to be nice and they fell in love!?”

Mina giggles, continuing to style Hikari’s hair. “Yes Hikari-chan. That’s exactly what happened! You’re so good!”

“I am!?” Yay!” She claps her hands together, a wide smile present on her face, she was becoming more and more intrigued. “Tell me more please!”

“Well...” Kaminari continued where Kirishima had left off, “Your mom and dad got closer because they got teamed up to fight our pro hero teacher for our exam! They fought and they had a hard time talking to each other but they passed the exam in the end! It was hard at first. Your dad kept on telling us that he didn’t like your mom in a lovey way but we kept on pushing him until he accidentally said that he liked her! Your mommy heard what he said and then she told him that she liked him too!”

“F-fight? I thought Daddy only fights bad guys...” Her voice begins to crack as if she was about to cry. The Bakusquad were about to speak up and explain but failed to because as soon as Mina was done braiding her hair, Hikari immediately stands up and bows politely to the four adults. “I’m going to play with Mr. Rilakkuma for a while. See you later!” She grabs a cookie from the plate and rushes into her room, locking the door behind her.

“See you later Hikari-chan!” Kaminari waves cluelessly, not realizing what he had just said that prompted Hikari to leave the room in the first place. Mina stands up on her knees, shooting him a glare and flicking his forehead, “Did you not realize what you just did!?”

“Ahh what did I do!?” He rubs the spot on his forehead that Mina had just hit, and looks at his two other friends for a clue as to why they were ganging up with him.

“I guess Chargedolt will always be Chargedolt.” Sero shrugs, shaking his head in disappointment.. “Hikari misinterpreted what you said. She thinks that Bakubro used to fight (Y/N) like she’s a villain or something back when we were in High School.”

“WAIT! OBJECTION! SHE MISINTERPRETED YOUR STORY FIRST-”

“Guys. Guys. There’s nothing we can do about it. Both of you slipped, so let’s give Hikari-chan some space first then talk to her later.” Kirishima cuts Kaminari off before he and Sero would start an argument, which would prompt Hikari to further think more negative thoughts.

“(Y/N) said that Hikari-chan’s been liking Tonkotsu Ramen recently, so I think it’s best if all of us help out in cooking her favorite comfort food to cheer her up.” Mina sighs deeply, crossing her arms. She heads straight to the kitchen without uttering another word, the three other guys follow suit.

After several hours, it was finally night time and time for dinner! At the orders of Mina, Sero and Kaminari came to pick up Hikari from her room.

Sero knocked softly. “Hikari-chan? It’s time for dinner!”

“We cooked your favoriteee Tonkatsu Ramen!” Kaminari added in a playful voice.

No reply.

“Hikari-chan?” Sero knocks again, a bit louder this time. He then turns to Denki and whispers, “Maybe she’s asleep?”

Before the two men were to retreat and go back to the living room, the door to the little girl’s room was unlocked with a long click, as if there was hesitance..

Denki quickly turns the knob to be surprised at the sight of Hikari... packing her clothes into a cute backpack?

“Hikari-chan! W-what are you doing?” Kaminari runs to her, trying to stop her from folding her clothes.

“I’m going to go see Mommy and Daddy! I’ll go take a bus and find them!” She wipes the tears streaking down her cheeks, sniffing her nose while attempting to stuff her teddy bear inside her backpack. “Daddy took Mommy so that they’re going to fight aren’t they!? I don’t want that!”

“No no no no no Hikari. It’s not like that!” Kaminari wipes the little girl’s tears with a handkerchief, he gestures Sero to call Kirishima and Mina whilst he tries to comfort the girl. “Your dad took your mom out because today is their lovey anniversary! It wasn’t because they were going to fight!”

“Ah! Owkay!” Hikari suddenly raises her head, taking the handkerchief from Denki and wiping her tears. “Can I visit Daddy and Mommy then!?”

“O-oh well...”

“Of course we can go Hikari-chan!” Kirishima barges in, Sero and Mina close behind him. “Let’s surprise them!”

“Yay! Surprising them! I love surprises!” The little girl jumps up and down in her place. “What time do we go!? What time do we goooo!?”

“After dinner you little cutie.” Mina smiles at the younger Bakugo’s sudden shift in mood. “We cooked your favorite Tonkotsu Ramen!”

“AH! TONKOTSU RAMEN TONKOTSU RAMEN!” Hikari wiggles her arms, slightly pushing the adults out of the way and runs out of her room, Sero catches up to her, only to find her sitting properly on the dining table. “I’m ready to eat now! Just waiting for all of you!” She shouts from outside.

“She’s absolutely fricking adorable.” Kaminari remarks. “But Kiri.. are you serious? We’re actually going all the way to a prefecture and bring her to her parents? Isn’t our job supposed to be keeping her here while they rest and relax in the onsen?”

“W-well... It’s not like we can do anything about it right?” Eijiro shrugs off Denki’s concern, holding on to a stress ball that Hikari had in her room. “She’ll be moping around and going back to overthinking about what her parents are doing right now. We’ll take her there and besides, once we do get there, (Y/N) and Bakugo already had a day’s worth of rest. And I think it’s time for us to take Hikari on a road trip and have fun with her!”

“Uncle Eijiro.. Aunt Mina... Uncle Denki... what’s taking you so long?” Hikari yawns and rubs her eyes, still holding on to her chopsticks. “The ramen is going to get cold...”

“Oh no! It is!?” Mina reacts quickly, taking Hikari’s hand and leading her to the table. “Let’s get there before Elsa makes it even colder!”

“NOOOOOO!! Elsa’s going to do that!? Whyyyyyy!?”

“Let’s just hope that this isn’t a repeat of what happened when we took her to the community pool.” Kaminari shakes his head, recalling the past event. “Bakugo almost killed us if it weren’t for (Y/N).”

“I don’t think it will. Besides, Sero and Mina will be with us, so the more the merrier!”

Oh and the merrier it was.

“HAKUNA MATATA! WHAT A WONDERFUL PHRASE!” Bakusquad along with Hikari, sing in unison. Bopping along to the iconic song from Lion King.

“IT MEANS NO WORRIES! FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS!” Hikari belts out, the others clapping along to her singing, doing their best to hype her up

Kirishima was singing Timone’s lines, Kaminari was singing Pumba’s, Sero and Mina were the background vocals and and Hikari was singing Simba’s lines.

It was 6 am in the morning and they were finally on the road and on the way to a Hot Springs Resort in Chiba Prefecture, where you and Bakugo were staying in for the weekend.

Kirishima was driving the SUV that he immediately bought when he got his first Pro Hero paycheck, Denki was riding shotgun, and Hikari was seated at the middle squeezed in by both Mina and Sero.

Disney Songs were set to be played for the entire morning to tire out Hikari and so that she can sleep peacefully and rid Bakusquad of the slight annoyance they will receive when she asks “Are we there yet?” every 2 minutes.

Denki had unfortunately messed up the spotify playlist that Jiro had given him, and the piano opening of A Thousand Miles begins to play.

“OMG IT’S OUR SQUAD SONG!” Mina’s eyes lit up as soon as the well-known piano keys blared out from the speakers. “MAKING MY WAY DOWNTOWN, WALKING FAST, FACES PASS AND I’M HOMEBOUND!”

The iconic part before the chorus begins to play and the boys sing along, “AND I NEED YOU! AND I MISS YOUUU!” They shake their shoulders to the beat, and Hikari giggles along.

“CAUSE YOU KNOW I’D WALK A THOUSAND MILES IF I CAN JUST SEE YOU TONIGHTTTTT.” Bakusquad sings dramatically in unison, raising their hands up high and just vibing to the beat.

“Hikari-chan! You should totally hear your dad sing this! He loves this song!” Mina turns to the little girl who continued to laugh at how chaotic her aunt and uncles were being. “Really!? I want to learn it then so that Mommy and Daddy would know that I can be a singer too!”

The song ends and yet everyone else was still vibing. After the current song, the hype and the energy has died down and Hikari is fast asleep on Mina’s lap and her feet were lying on a pillow that was placed on Sero’s lap.

“She really is a spitting image of both (Y/N) and Bakugo. They’re really great parents.” said Sero, who wanted to break the silence and keep the atmosphere lively.

“My mind is still shook over the fact that Bakubro would turn so soft every time he’s in the same room as his daughter. It’s a complete 180 on his personality, and I really wanna tease him about it when we finally get the chance.” Kaminari interjects. “Do you think Bakugo would get mad when we arrive there?”

“Trust me on this guys.” Kirishima says casually, stepping on the gas pedal, as they go up the highway. “Bakugo won’t. In fact, I think both he and (Y/N) would be delighted to see their daughter travel for 180 miles just because of a misunderstanding.”

♡

“Suki-kun... do you think I should call up Mina to ask how Hikari’s doing?” You reach for your phone on the bedside table. “It’s 6 AM maybe Hikari forgot to drink her gummmy vitamins-”

“She’s going to be fine.” Katsuki murmurs in his bedhead voice, turning to your side of the bed to spoon you and nestle his head on your neck. “I trust Kirishima and the others.”

“This is surprising. You’re very casual about this now. What happened to your skepticism? Weren’t you too worried about how they were going to babysit Hikari after the pool incident?”

“To hell with that. If Hikari loves them, and they love her back just as much, might as well just roll with it. They’re my friends anyway and it’s better than Ilda scolding her for eating 4 M&Ms at 9 in the evening.”

You chuckle, holding his hands that were wrapped around your waist. “That’s harsh but you got a point. Although Hikari loves my friends and yours equally, they do think of Hikari as a little Bakugo so, they’re able to connect with her more.”

“What time do the private mixed gender hot springs open up again?” He grumbles suggestively and you giggle. “They open at 9 am. Should I reserve that time slot?”

“You should.” He growls but before you could even reply, he falls back to sleep.

♡

“WE’RE HERE!” Kirishima announces, waking Kaminari, Mina and Sero up from their sleep.

“W-what if this isn’t the right onsen?” Denki yawns, looking around to take in the view.

“I asked (Y/N) last night where they were staying. This is the place! She even gave me their room number for some reason.” Mina stretches her arms then pats Hikari on the forehead lightly. “Hikari we’re here...”

The little girl slowly opens her eyes, sitting up, then looks out the window.

“HOT SPRINGS! ONSEN!” She hastily tidies up her backpack and gets down the car as soon as Sero opens the door.

“Hikari-chan! Wait for us first!” Sero runs after her, making sure she doesn’t get too far.

“It’s 9 AM... I wonder if those two lovebirds are awake already.” Kaminari looks at the watch on his wrist, as he brings down their stuff from the trunk of the car.

“I looked this place up last night. It’s a family friendly hot springs resort, but it’s famed for it’s private mixed gender onsen. I wonder why though...” Mina mused, helping Denki out with bringing their stuff down.

Kirishima gets out of the car and bobs his head up as soon as he heard what Mina had said. He looks at Kaminari trying to tell him something through his stare. The mustard-haired man’s eyes widened when he realized why Kirishima was looking at him, then he turns to Mina who finally realizes what the mixed gender onsen meant.

“Oh.”

They enter the beautiful and lush resort, spotting Sero and Hikari who were sitting near the reception area, waiting for their reservation and for the rooms to be confirmed.

“Can’t believe we had to pay double the price for a standard room.” Kaminari pouts, whispering to Kirishima as the red-haired man hands him over the credit cards of each of his friends and then he hands it over to the concierge. He notices how excited Hikari looked and couldn’t help but smile.

As soon as the reservation was confirmed, Bakusquad and Hikari were able to check in immediately. Mina takes Hikari to her room while the three other boys were sharing their room with each other.

“Hikari before you can surprise your parents, you have to wear this Yukata first okay?” Mina helps fasten the bath robe on Hikari, but the little girl can’t help but be energetic and start dancing in her place. “Have you memorized the A Thousand Miles chorus already to sing to your mommy and daddy?”

“I have!”

Mina takes Hikari outside, the other boys were already out too and were wearing their bath robes.

“I saw (Y/N) enter this onsen. Maybe that’s where she and Bakugo are in? Should we take Hikari there?” Kaminari asks his three other friends, sipping on a fruit-flavored ramune, and handing one to Hikari.

“Yes please! I want to see Mommy and Daddy as soon as possible and then surprise them!” She sips on her ramune, looking at her aunt and uncles pleadingly, begging them to bring her there.

♡

“I could have sworn I heard Kaminari-kun’s voice outside.” You tell Katsuki, closing the screen door to the open air bath. You were holding a plate full of sliced Watermelon. Your robe was still on and you wanted to eat something first before getting in.

“Tch. Probably just your imagination.” Bakugo breathes a sigh of relief, slipping in further in the hot water. “I could get used to something like this every month.”

“Oh really?” You raise your eyebrow, and lick your lips. “Could you get used to-”

“If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass us ByYYY?”

You jolt up at the sweet and all too familiar voice that was echoing from the outside. Before you could even react properly, someone knocks on the door to reveal...

“Mommy! Daddy!”

“Hikari!?”

She jumps to you and pulls you into a tight hug. “I missed you so much! I thought you and Daddy were fighting that’s why you left!”

“Fighting!?” You look back and forth to Bakusquad then to your daughter. “Of course not! Why would we-”

“Uncle Sewo and Uncle Denki told me that you guys would always fight when you were in school! That’s why I thought that-”

“They did... what?” Bakugo’s tone becomes slightly irritated at the mention of Kaminari and Hanta’s name. The Bakusquad were about to face death and the consequences until...

“Oh! But! They also taught me a song today! It’s called A Thousand Miles! They said it was Daddy’s favorite!” She then turns to her father with such admiration in her eyes as she begins to sing the chorus. “Cause you know I’d walk a thousand miles just to see youuu~”

“Nice one sunshine. Did you learn that for me?” He gestures Hikari to approach him, ruffling her hair as she kneels down to peck him on the cheek. “I did!”

“It’s your favorite song! So, I also traveled a thousand miles to see you and Mommy!”

“Not necessarily a thousand miles, dear. But you’re close enough! You still traveled to see us! Yay!” You clap at the genius remark your daughter had made. You turn to the Bakusquad, nodding your head at them and smile. “Thank you for taking care of Hikari and bringing her here just because she wanted to. We’ll see you later at lunch?”

“Of course! Of course!” Mina waves goodbye, a tired but loving smile formed on her face. “We had a fun time with Hikari and we just couldn’t help but bring her here. But, you have Kiri to thank for all of this though!”

“No, I shouldn’t get all of the credit. This is a Bakusquad group effort, if Kaminari and Sero didn’t slip and if Hikari didn’t misunderstand their words, then we wouldn’t be here in the first place.” Kirishima cuts Mina off in a respectful way. He claps his hands together and pulls your other friends out of the room. “See ya guys later!”

“Thanks guys.” Bakugo nods generously to his friends. It was something he didn’t always do, but when he does, well, it’s worth seeing.

“Bye Uncle Sharkie, Aunt Pinkie, Uncle Sparkie and Uncle Spidey!” Hikari waves goodbye jovially, not realizing that she just called them the affectionate nicknames that she’s too embarrassed to say in front of them.

The four laugh at the little girl’s slip-up and they leave the hot springs in good spirits.

After that wonderful weekend, you explained to Hikari about why you’re taking a rest every month in the first place. She didn’t quite get the concept at first but after a little bit more of explaining, she came up with the idea that the two of you get four rest days in a month. One weekend just for you and Katsuki then the other weekend is for the three of you and if any of the Bakusquad or Dekusquad would want to come along.

It was the perfect agreement and if Hikari was going to grow up in an environment where she had the best aunts and uncles in the universe, then she’s going to grow up to be a great kid. Just like the adults in her life once were.

The End.

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circethegoblin · 3 years ago

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STAYING ALIVE MASTERPOST, FROM A BROKE TEEN WITH ADHD

here you go. some down to earth tips on how to not die metally nor physically.

tired of those "drink three liters of water everyday uwu" and "wake up at 5 am" and "buy a bath bomb and a fec mask and some other things you don't have the money for" shit? i'm here for ya.

1. NOT DYING

eat at least three meals a day, one of which m u s t be warm and above 300 kcal (it can be istant ramen with an egg added if you have to)

you technically should shower everyday, but we know how it is. A change of clothes is sometimes enough.

DRY SHAMPOO AND BABY WIPES!!!

keep bottles with water everywhere. On your desk, near that spot on the floor you always end up sitting on, near your bed, basically whenever you know you spend a lot of time. No need to get up and go to the kitchen will help. Obviously change the water in the bottles as often as you can.

Get some form of physical activity. It doesn't have to be much, you can for example replace scrolling on tiktok by walking around your room and scrolling on tiktok! Brilliant, isn't it? Obviously, running or doing those 10 minutes workouts from youtube is better, but you are still getting like an hour of walking.

Buy blankets. Steal blankets. Summon blankets from other dimensions. Just make sure you have a lot of warm, soft blankets in your house. You will thank me when you won't have the anergy to wash your sheets (just take them off and throw some blankets on your bed), or when the power goes out.

If you have pets, ALWAYS keep spare food that'll last for a week for them.

things to always have in the kitchen: milk, eggs, flour, rice, pasta, yeast, cheese, oil, a leafy vegetable, onions, tomatoes, apples, patatoes, some flavourful sauce, sugar, salt, spices and an emergency chocolate bar. You can make a lot of food with those. Just make sure you won't eat the chocolate too fast.

Have a lot of spare batteries. A lot.

Get urself a flashlight, a lighter, and a pocket knife.

Remember the apples? eat one a day. if you don't like apples or you can't eat them for any other reason, you can take a kiwi, banana, orange, basically something that will give you vitamins and non processed sugar.

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

drugs from that one guy around the corner = very bad time

2. NOT DYING INSIDE

Open the damn window.

Don't watch so many commentary videos. You are probably not even checking the sources, so you can easily make unjust judgement, and like. did you even hear of half of those people before?

make a discord server just for yourself. get into the habit of writing little things that happened to you there. rant about the fanfics you read. or the movies. vent there if you don't have anyone you can vent to. write your ideas there, write e v e r y t h i n g. make a section for passwords, for quick ideas, for your to do lists. you won't lose it as you do with sticky notes or notebooks. there is no risk anyone will see it. oh, and when you'll have a strong impulse to tell emily that you hate her? write that message in your private server and list all ur arguments. look at tat the next day and decide if you really mean that.

life sucks. come to peace with it.

cuddle ur pets if you have them

1 hour a day without a lot of sensory input. if you have to, reduce to half an hour.

if you find yourself scrolling endlessly through social media, make sure it's pintrest (just don't compare urself to the people here; if you have issues with that, tumblr may be better)

delete. twitter. from. your. phone.

influencers are lying to you; maybe not even intentionally. remember when you were watching that cute-aesthetic-productive morning routine, and you were wondering why your life isn't that pretty? why your room is a mess? why you cannot for the life of god be aesthetic 24/7? its the filter. don't worry about it, their lifes arent that nice either.

realize there's actually nothing stopping you from screaming as loud as you can right now. like there is no physical barrier. think about it. realize there's no actual physical barierr to many other things.

your body is your body. you can decide how it looks like; just remember it's in your greatest interest to keep it healthy.

3. BEING A LITTLE BETTER THAN JUST ALIVE

If you wear make up, take it off before you go to sleep.

moisturize your body; everything is better when your skin doesn't feel dry

have a one brand of cosmetics that you love and buy things mainly from it. they often have sets of products that complete each other. i like ziaja. it's a polish brand, it's surprisingly cheap and has nice quality

cleanser, moisturizer, face mist

of you can, change your sheets once every two weeks

do the dishes before your sink starts developing it's own ecosystem

do a deep house clean once a month (don't beat yourself up when you don't tho)

keep your workspace organized (it doesn't have to look organized to other people, remember)

sunscreen

cook your own food

keep a calendar

no money for scented candles? got ya. make a simmer pot: throw some apple peel, a couple of cinnamon sticks and whatever spices that smell good you have into a pot, add some water and simmer. boom. your house smells good, and you haven't spend 20 dollars.

If you really like candles, buy scented wax melts. it's cheaper.

Buy urself scented mists. they're pretty cheap and will make you feel A LOT better.

keep your clothes clean. if you aren't sure if that shirt thats on your chair is dirty or not, throw it in the washing mashine anyway. better be sure.

if you can, make your bed right when you get up

wear clothes that make you feel good. put some effort into your outfits. really.

4. OTHER PEOPLE

be nice to essential workers.

if you have money, give tips.

remember, you do not owe anyone love; it is not something you can force. even if they saved your life. even when they helped you in your darkest time. if you don't love them, you don't.

you don't have to be in a romantic relationship to be happy.

if you want to, date! date everyone! date girls, date boys, date nonbinary people! date people completly different than you, date people from different countries, date them!!! just make sure they're kind and won't kill you. even if you don't end up in a relationship, you can learn a lot.

don't be afraid to piss off people that deserve it

smile to strangers :)

5. NOT FAILING SCHOOL

heard of dark academia? check it out

romanticize the heck out of studying

do not let your studying be just reading the same partagraph over and over again. it won't work. believe me.

seterra for geography, quizlet for everything else

try to make yourself intrestet in whatever you are studying (watch veritasium, listen to podcasts about weird history facts)

notes are for you and you only; don't worry about them looking pretty. doodle on margins, make weird metaphors, squeeze in as much info as you can.

when you're studying, listen to music without words/in a language you don't understand.

chew gum while you study

get the forest app, get attached to the trees, focus.

don't feel guilty for taking breaks

grades aren't everything, but they are important.

eat something in school

don't just use the cheapest pens. invest a couple dollars in something that will make writing enjoyable and smooth

those study with me videos? they're great

if you like to argue with the teachers, take care of your grades becouse. they may not like you afterwards.

be nice to your classmates and help them with homework. if you don't do your homework they'll help you

executive dysfunction won't let you study? been there. sometimes it's better to wake up ealier tommorow and do that homework then.

don't feel guilty for failing a test

go to the goddamn class

don't pull all nighters oh my god don't especially on weekdays

6. OTHER LIFEHACKS

don't get involved in the crime, and if you do always have a believable explanation why you were doing it

have different alarm sounds for every day of the week

set a daily limit of money that you spend

great hobbies that don't require a lot of money; urban exploration, writing, hiking and learning other languages

thrift stores

don't eat grapefruits while on meds

nail polish removers dissolve most strong glues.

if you have a cut on your skin, desinfect it. do it. please just do it.

always have pads with you. even if you don't get periods, at least one of your friends probably does

#life hacks #life #not dying #staying alive #no one will see this #who cares though

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brynnmck · 4 years ago

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J/B Exchange Recs Round 1!

I have not been around Tumblr much lately because I was so preoccupied with stuff for @jaime-brienne-fic-exchange, but I am trying to get back into the swing of things, and I figured what better place to start than with some recs?

These are currently skewed a bit toward my amaaaazing gift fic and the amaaaaazing ones I beta-ed, since I am way behind on my reading, but there will be more to come!

Backpfeifengesicht by @samirant - I am so unbelievably grateful that I had both amazing prompts/amazing recipient for the fic I wrote, and such a fabulous gift fic too. I was still working on my own fic and very sleep-deprived and flagging when I read this for the first time and I think I may have actually left my body on a wave of sheer euphoria. IT IS ALL THE GOOD THINGS. So many of my favorite vacation/road trip tropes--drunken shenanigans! Intimate late-night conversations while everyone else is sleeping/elsewhere! Friends being too involved in your relationship! Unexpected forced proximity! And the banter is glorious, and the secondary characters are so well thought out and add such depth and vibrance to the story, and the Sansa/Margaery subplot was DELIGHTFUL, and I love the way this structured Brienne's relationship to Tyrion and then to Jaime as an extension of that, and the resolution was handled with an absolutely perfect balance of hilarity and heat. (There was also the stuff throughout that was very targeted to me specifically WHICH I APPRECIATED, so thanks to both Sami and @forbiddenfantasies1 for that). About 20% of the way into the story, I was deeply convinced it was Sami, and in the best possible way--it had the hallmarks I love about her writing: her sense of humor, her gift for banter, her clear affection for the characters, the richness of all the relationships. It was like showing up to a party and unexpectedly finding a friend there, and it was the loveliest feeling. I am thrilled that so many people have read and loved this story but I want everyone in the world to read and love it, so. Please check it out if you haven't! And also check out Sami's hilarious tale of woe regarding her writing process, which is amazing. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR SUCH A PHENOMENAL GIFT SAMI. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

A favorite line: On any other day, Brienne would have left him - a relative stranger - to his wallowing, but an untold amount of imbibed Pentoshi Slammers stirred up a noble benevolence within her, a little voice that said they had something in common and what good were her broad shoulders if they weren’t offered as a place to rest a weary, heartbroken brow? SO GOOD.

_____

Lay Your Heartbreak and the sequel You could make me feel so good by @ajoblotofjunk / sdwolfpup - LISTEN. SDW sent me an early chunk of this and I was immediately OBSESSED and I have not stopped being obsessed since. Obviously worldbuilding is a huge strength of SDW's and her creativity with that is a constant astonishment to me. But pop culture is full of examples of people who can create amazing worlds and then utterly fail to populate them with interesting or dynamic characters, whereas SDW's ability to fill in those wonderfully creative spaces with her love for the characters and their love for each other that is just magic. And these fics are the perfect examples of that. The setup is not only fascinating but makes for such fantastically INTENSE feelings, omg, everything just feels like it's crackling off the page; even before Jaime and Brienne and Addam are admitting anything to each other, it's not so much simmering under the surface as boiling. The balance between the three of them is gorgeous, there are two incredibly hot fencing scenes as well as a very hot swimming scene (in addition to the sequel being just one big tangle of brain-scorching hotness), there's a perfect amount of sweetness and softness to play off all the blazing heat, and overall this is one that's going to stick with me for a long time. I know J/A/B isn't everyone's cup of tea, but if you aren't actively opposed to the idea of them, then I highly highly encourage you to check this out.

A favorite line: That night she dreams of golden skin, hot and soft against her palm – yes, someone moans, yes – the rough scrape of callouses over the arch of her ribs, the scratch of red stubble between her thighs – like this? Yes, more, please more – legs sliding together and between each other, and two mouths touching her all over. Hnnnnngh.

_____

The Limit Does Not Exist by @agirlnamedkeith / sameboots - Fics with a power imbalance are something I approach with a lot of caution but I LOVED the way that sameboots handled it here. The fact that this fic includes her signature extremely hot feelings-forward porn as well as a thoughtful exploration of what it can mean to be a woman in STEM is like a beautiful multi-course meal; I cared a LOT about whether they were gonna do it and I was also equally invested in how Brienne’s thesis was going to turn out and where she would go from there. I love Brienne’s stubbornness and determination and even though she’s finding her way here (as you would be, as a grad student), those elements are VERY much on display and they spark fantastically against an initially guarded and caustic but eventually deeply admiring Jaime. And while I don’t want to spoil anything, I will say that I feel like the end is a perfect illustration of one of the major themes of the fic, and I love it so much for that. Watching this one take shape and watching sameboots geek out over her math research was a delight, and the result is excellent (and did I mention, extremely hot). Definitely worth all her work!

A favorite line: “Has anyone ever told you that you’re the worst liar?” (KIDDING HANNAH ILU HERE’S THE REAL ONE:) The problem with smoothies was that it was hard to make them aggressively., Angrily pushing a button didn’t have the same release as whaling on a punching bag. Brienne didn’t have a punching bag, though, and she desperately needed to do something, and she was hungry. ANGRY SMOOTHING-MAKING. I LOVE IT.

_____

Right Off the Bat by @hillaryschu - A You’ve Got Mail AU where Jaime and Brienne are rival Little League coaches who unknowingly bond over Twitter is SUCH a great idea, and Hillary committed to it right down to the delightful rom-com-trailer summary. She also put an enormous amount of care into the details of the story--she had references for outfits, buildings, even Jaime’s cologne--and it shows in all the lush descriptions throughout. The banter is sparky, watching their two relationships gradually unfold is a lot of fun, there’s a particular tipsy (on Brienne’s part) Twitter DM exchange that I still get flustered thinking about, and there’s a batting cage scene that will be haunting my brain for a while. Especially given that Hillary had never written a story anywhere near this long before, I’m so impressed that she pulled it off (and fixed some of the most problematic elements of the movie, too). Congratulations to her on rising to the challenge!

A favorite line: But as they part from each other, Brienne lifts the hem of her tee to wipe the dirt and sweat from her face. Her exposed stomach is pale and toned, with softly defined muscles that gleam with perspiration. Jaime trips over home plate. SAME JAIME. SAME.

_____

X Marks the Spot (where I’ll find you again) by @pretty--thief - PIRATES. I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN I HEARD ABOUT THE PIRATES. And this fic is such a fantastic blend of snappy, exciting swashbuckling (and hilarious use of parrots) and a very poignant backstory that underlays the adventure with all this yeeeeeearning and it’s SO GOOD. The action scenes are thrilling, the descriptions are gorgeous, there is STARGAZING and BATTLE COUPLE, the Jaime snark is chefkiss, Brienne is so brave and committed and quietly full of feelings, there’s a really lovely discussion of the ethics of being in the military, and also Pod and Addam and Arya and PIRATES FOR JUSTICE. SO HERE FOR THAT. And did I mention the yeeeeeearning (which is paid off wonderfully--the penultimate chapter lived rent-free in my mind for about a week after I first read it)? Ugh SO GOOD.

A favorite line: When he had exited his quarters, Brienne had looked at him with so much concern in her eyes it threatened to swallow Jaime whole. He’d felt something similar when he was around Cersei, when they were fucking or fighting; a fire he had once thought he could never tire of, would never want to put out. But Brienne had reached out her hand, as if on reflex, and smoothed her thumb across his tired brow. The ship had continued to sway beneath them, and Jaime didn’t feel fire. He didn’t feel like he would be turned to ash at any moment. He felt a breeze, the wind in his hair and salty air in his lungs. as;lfkja;sldjgas;lfjas;lf

_____

Federation Fliers by @elizadunc /Ladybugbear2 - A short and very sweet one! I adore the world that Megs created in this and would happily read many many more words in it, but this is a lovely glimpse in and of itself, and made me so happy. Established relationship (which I love), one of my favorite Jaime nicknames for Brienne, a wonderfully badass Brienne and a wonderfully besotted Jaime, all against a fascinating backdrop. So good!

A favorite line: She belonged in the sky. She had a grace to her movements on the ground, but in the sky she was ethereal. HEART-EYES

_____

And now for a few that I just read after they were posted like a normal person:

Wine Down by @slipsthrufingers - SOME MILD SPOILERS HEREIN FYI. Okay first of all, the summary of this fic is deliciously evil and I think we all need to appreciate that. Also, it starts out with Jaime and Brienne having lunch together and these glorious descriptions of food and he has taken note of the specific food she likes and is making sure it’s provided for her and that is SO VERY MUCH MY LOVE LANGUAGE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. I FLAILED. And then things go, shall we say, a bit downhill, but in the most achingly beautiful way--Jaime sacrificing himself for Brienne and Brienne determined to tether him to life through sheer force of will and steadfast devotion. Slips puts us right into Brienne’s headspace/heartspace while she’s worrying for Jaime and trying to negotiate the fucked-up Lannister family dynamics (and the observations on said dynamics are wonderful too), and this hits such an excellent balance of Brienne’s rigidly controlled surface and everything that’s roiling away underneath. I’m always fascinated by the idea of what could have happened during the time that Brienne was in King’s Landing and this is such a brilliant exploration of how things could have gone, and Brienne’s interactions with the rest of the Lannisters (and Sansa) give the world that much more depth as well. The descriptions throughout are beautiful, there are so many lovely turns of phrase, the intimacy between Jaime and Brienne is just devastating, and it all comes back around to an immensely satisfying conclusion. SO GOOD.

A favorite line: The gods had seen fit to give her an unwomanly body, so she had taken up the sword. They had given her an ugly face, so she had perfected her manners and courtesies so they could never be frowned upon. But they had given her a maiden’s heart, and try as she might she had never found the right weapon to protect it. MY PRECIOUS GIRL.

_____

A Matter of Honor by @nire-the-mithridatist - I shrieked at nire in DMs basically the whole time I was reading this story, it made me experience like 90% of the range of human emotions in one night and I’m still mad about it. This features a fascinatingly flipped script where Brienne is the wealthy one and Jaime the supplicant, and an arrogant-ass supplicant he is. Brienne is an angy baby nineteen-year-old who is furious at the entire world and I fucking adore her for it, and watching all the events unfold through the lens of her (generally well-founded) suspicions was a delicious sort of torture where I trusted NO ONE and genuinely did not know exactly what was going to happen next. Nire turns a lot of marriage fic tropes on their head in this and it’s all done brilliantly, and there is EXTREMELY SEXY SWORD-FIGHTING (and as a sexy bonus, Brienne’s perspective on it feels so perfect for someone who is truly an accomplished swordswoman), and nire uses some common elements throughout to just pack in these layers and layers of meaning and significance, and there are many turns of phrase so perfect that they hurt, and then she’s like “hey would you like to re-feel all the feelings in this story again in a very concentrated burst” and it’s SO MUCH, and the conclusion pays everything off amazingly. And even though it’s very swoony and romantic (and HOT. I SHOULD MENTION VERY HOT), there’s a hint of melancholy to it too, reckoning with what it means to be a woman--even a wealthy one--in Brienne’s world, and it’s just the perfect crunch of salt on top of all the sweetness. LOVE.

A favorite line: He brought her knuckles to his lips. As sweet as honeyed nettles, he declared, “Lady Brienne. You have made me the happiest of men.” As the crowd roared in approval, she felt the sting of his kiss. STING OF HIS KISS ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Also I’m including this for purely thirsty reasons but NO SHAME: He stood from the sofa and went to help his wife undress, and if she noticed his averted eyes and his trembling hands—oh gods, the laces went on endlessly down her back, and with each pull, a little more of her figure was revealed, barely veiled by her gauzy shift—she said nothing. I DIED. I ALSO SAID NOTHING BECAUSE I WAS DEAD. Fuck, man.

_____

The Riverlands Gang Go to the Zoo by @naomignome - Another shorter and very delightful one with Naomi’s typical brand of chaotic humor that I adore. It’s Hyle POV, for one thing, which is good times, and the structure of this is so clever--the way each section of the zoo is used to progress the story is so seamless and happy-making, and there are tons of little jokes and Easter eggs packed in along with a very sweet, snarky emotional storyline wherein Hyle is definitely doomed. Plus another EXCELLENT Brienne nickname in here. LOVELY.

A favorite line: “Pixel!” he said laughingly, “You know if you fell in the bear pit, I would jump after you without a second thought.” “You need to have a first thought in order to have a second one.” Brienne said dryly. SUCH A GOOD BURN.

_____

all these people think love’s for show (but i would die for you in secret) by @naomignome - This is SUCH A FLEX because not only did Naomi write TWO fics for her recipient but they are WILDLY DIFFERENT and I’m so impressed with her for doing it! This one is SPIEEEEESSSS and Naomi packs so much tension into 5K, I was on the edge of my seat through the whole thing. Canon events are woven in astonishingly well, and it’s a delicious enemies-to-partners-to-lovers situation that involves some excellent hurt/comfort and excellent use of RAIN to moody/sexy effect and it’s just all very thrilling. YUM.

A favorite line: He lets off a single bullet and it grazes the inside of her thigh, enough to make her wince and draw blood, but not enough to stop her from tackling him to the ground and wrestling him into submission. She’s got both of his wrists pinned above his head and her knee is drawn up and pressed against his torso. Jaime’s chest is heaving under her knee. Her chest is heaving in tandem. From above him, Brienne can see the green of his eyes darken, and even in submission, he’s annoyingly beautiful. Her blood is rushing, and it’s not all adrenaline. WHEW. SAME.

_____

as stars once a year brush the earth by @ylizam / mazily - Another wonderfully bite-sized one (good job actually taking the minimum word count as a guideline, people who did that, unlike the rest of us dumbasses!) that packs a lot into a small space. A canon-ish soulmates AU that’s so understated and dreamy, but with the echo of all the turmoil they’ve gone through to get to this place that brings everything in sharp relief. It’s also funny and sexy and romantic as fuck, and there are gorgeous poetic descriptions, and they spar by a WATERFALL, and just. So much happens in just over 1600 words! IMPRESSIVE.

A favorite line: Her right hand goes numb, unfeeling; back in their rooms Jaime is waking up, and she knows the phantom ache of his missing hand is bothering him. Jaime is waking, and yawning, the bed linens pooling around his waist and highlighting his summer tanned skin. She misses him, suddenly, as wide as the endless sea in front of her. BEAUTIFUL.

OKAY THIS WAS A LONG POST. That’s all I’ve got for now--more to come as I continue my reading!!

#jaime x brienne #jaime x brienne fic rec #jaime brienne fic exchange #braime #so many feelings in this post!!#so many talented writers in this fandom!!

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yandere-sins · 5 years ago

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Requesting Lemons - PSA

Hey guys! Another PSA from yours truly, request writer for four years, going strong onto my fifth year.

After all these years, I’ve learned a lot - about writing and myself alike. Personally, I like lemon-y stuff. I always held it in high regards since it’s demanding and challenging to find the right words and fun ways to describe it, so to me, it was always a special treat. What I am trying to say, I have my experience, and I am not against lemon as a concept. In my time writing, I found out what I am comfortable with and what not, found some pet peeves and things that make me tired of being a request writer. About such a thing, I want to talk today.

It’s the requesting of explicit content. [Please note, due to Tumblr regulation, I’ll refer to it as ‘Lemon’]

After changing fandoms for the first time, it got clear really fast that my supportive first fandom was barely grazing the horniness and - bluntly said - lack of originality in many requests. I am not pointing fingers now, there are always requests that simply inspire you, no matter if they have a big story or idea behind them. It happens, it’s a spurt of imagination. So even the worst request sometimes can suddenly become the best, even if it is considered dull in comparison to others.

But what’s not okay is insisting on lemon elements in a request.

See, I don’t think that [Character] needs to fuck their significant other after, e.g., a breakdown/having dropped an apple at the market/lost someone significant to them/got hurt/and so many more.

You will think I am crazy right now, but no, those are all requests I have gotten in the past. Multiple times.

As a request writer, I feel like my requester thinks that writing lemon equals comfort. Which yes, in some cases, it does. Comfort fucking is a thing, and it’s not bad to write either. But it doesn’t replace a good hug, some advice, and a character really comforting his s/o. Personally, I think all it does is make a perfectly fine, valid request - that could have been fluffy, heartfelt, maybe funny, and comforting - unnecessarily horny.

Again, adding “Lemon please” to a request, does not make it better, is not helpful if the request has otherwise nothing to do with the lemon, and yes, many request writers don’t see a request, only an ask that will block their creativity.

So what do you do? Let me make it clear that requesting explicit content is NOT WRONG. If the writer is okay with it, nothing is stopping you, but remember one thing:

If you want to request a lemon, request a lemon. Don’t make a request and then, in the end, decide that your perfectly fine request should be lemon.

DO: “Can I request a lemon about [Character] and s/o celebrating their anniversary by doing some bed-hopping? Please, and thank you!” -> You went right to the point as to why they are fucking, gave the writer some plot to go off on. The writer now proceeds to write you an explicit story about how good their relationship feels even after a year of being together, how they still love each other so much, how [Character] can still make their s/o’s core tingle, etc.

DON’T: “Can I have a scenario of s/o breaking their leg. They are in pain, so how would [Character] help them, comfort them in this situation? Oh, lemon, please!!” -> This has nothing to do with the lemon. Why would this scenario be turning into a lemon, and how? The writer proceeds to panic, starring daggers into this request while they try to figure out what to do.

I hope this example made it more apparent as to why it sometimes is misplaced to ask for lemon. Not only that, but the request itself was good, the lemon addition is actually absolutely useless. It makes no sense, it has no core points, and simply, now the writer feels obligated to write it without the necessity or any idea how to do it.

I am almost done with this PSA, hoping it got a little bit more understandable why it is so hard to receive requests with the addition of “Lemon, please!”. But before I end it, let me explain what it also causes, aside from being unnecessary and taxing on writers.

There is no such thing as a constant income of requests. Request writers ALWAYS think twice about deleting requests, because they don’t know if they will have enough requests to keep the blog running on some point. They’d rather keep the requests, they don’t feel like they can do, in their ask box or drafts, until eventually, they can bring themselves to write them, or have to delete them with a heavy heart. No request writer WANTS to delete requests, that is not the idea, and we fear not having any because they are what a request blog is for. If we don’t get requests, it’s like a death sentence for the blog. But those requests that make us wonder how to write and what to do, are clogging not only the space they are in, but also our creativity as we want to please the requester by writing them, but just cannot find the inspiration to do it. And in the end of keeping them for months at some times, we delete them after all and are none requester wiser.

By writing a lot of lemon stuff, we are flooding fandoms. Fandoms that most of the time are 16+ and child-friendly. We can tag what we want, the possibility that someone who isn’t supposed to see them will click the ‘read more’ anyway and come into contact with it is not preventable. And we are not flooding them with the good stuff, we feed them with awkwardly written requests that didn’t have a reason to be lemon. We are telling these people that if they, e.g., break a leg, the only way to comfort them is fucking. This wouldn’t be a big thing if there were some posts, some explicit little stories. But because everyone is putting lemon on EVERYTHING, it’s EVERYWHERE. The possibility of seeing something explicit when searching for fluff is higher than finding actual fluff.

There is much more to say, but those are the most critical points that come to mind. There will always be exceptions, and I know not everyone agrees with me. But this is my experience, and more importantly, experiences from other request writers and even readers that came to me saying it isn’t really their thing to see how that interesting topic was turned into mindless fucking. Writing is not a porno, quite the opposite even. So repeat after me,

DON’T REQUEST LEMON IF YOUR REQUEST ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE LEMON

Always remember that your request is okay as it is, and if it doesn’t need the fucking, then don’t ask for it. Alternatively, go to a blog specifically for lemon stuff, change up your request, request multiple things until you have everything you want. Support your writer and leave them some nice reviews on it, reblog their content to help spread awareness about their doings.

I am sorry it got so long, but it’s a complicated topic, and I tried to be as understandable as possible. As always, thank you for reading this PSA, please reblog and share, and feel free to add your own thoughts to it below!

[Feel free to read my other PSA, on how to better request, here]

#PSA #Writing PSA #writing #requests #requests writing #Writing Tips #Admin

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oh-theatre · 5 years ago

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Objection!: Chapter 23.5

Chapter title: Anybody Happen to know how the Hell To Do This?

A/n: Eyyy! After two weeks Im back!! Just finished finals and decided hey finish your filler chapter! SO :D ANyway YES THIS IS A FILLER CHAPTER!! Because I couldnt write an actual one and ALSO NEEDED SOME LOGICALITY DEVELOPMENT ANYWAY IM SORRY IT SUCKS AND ENJOY

hi my names maria and i make everything bAD AND DRAMATIC FOR NO REASON :(

First | Previous | Next

words: 3476

summary: Patton and Logan work through some thing

pairings: Eventual logicality, prinxiety, platonic demus, romantic remile

warnings: Law and Courtroom, past trauma, crying and yelling, cursing

Ao3 Link

The first thought was panic, panic as Patton felt an even heartbeat behind him, an arm securing him. His mind runs to the previous night. A safety around him.

“Where should I put him?” Logan asks, cradling a snoring Remus, struggling to find a comfortable position. Patton looks at his reflection in the mirror of his bathroom, his tired eyes happier than usual.

“He likes the middle” Patton responds, he hears careful shuffling but not justification with an answer. He finishes preparing for his sleep, brushing any stressful knots out of his more than curled hair. “Log-” He quiets himself, his eyes land on the bed where a confused Remus sits up as Logan mumbles in his dazed state. He stifles a flustered chuckles.

Yet he felt the furthest thing from safe, absolute fear as he stumbles out of bed. Clutching instantly to the plastered walls of his room, his safe haven.

“Come here” He whispers to Remus, he waddles towards him jumping into Pattons arms. He laughs sweetly, placing a gentle kiss on Remus��s head. “Bed?” He asks, Remus nods through a yawn. He glances back at Logan but moves to the twins room, tucking in his son, making sure he feels comfortable, and safe. A promise of protection before he returns to his own room.

“No” He cries in a panicked hush, his palms forced closed. Logan startles awake standing fast as he watches Patton's breathing become unstable. The lawyer moves carefully, keeping a safe distance.

“Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell” He hears Logan mutter into the pillow, he covers a giggle before kneeling on the floor in front of the lawyer. He strokes his hair delicately, watching as Logans eyes flutter awake. “Mm?”

“Hi” He greets, the moon sneaking its way into the room. Logan smiles back through his state.

“I should head home” He decides, trying to get out of bed. Patton chuckles, shaking his head.

“Dont be ridiculous, its past midnight” Patton chides “You can stay here” He continues his gentle strokes. Logan musters up the laziest fight, feeling as though he’d only be intruding.

“Pat? Breathe for me?” He requests so gently. Patton nods, recognizing the voice, he watches as Logan approaches him. “You're okay” He assures, Patton loosens but keeps alert. He meets Patton face to face, taking his shaking hands in his own. “Come here” Once Patton eases into Logans hold, his flinching gone, the lawyer leads him to the couch, wrapping a soft blanket around him.

“Ill go to the couch” Logan concludes, he sits up taking Pattons hands as they face each other.

“Adorable, come on lay back down, Ill get you some tea” Patton offers, Logan hums in satisfaction. He returns to find Logan struggling to keep his eyes open.

He feels safe once more, the familiar feeling returns. Patton remains, squeezing deep into his palms, feeling the pressure of his nails. Logan acts quickly, making a calming tea as he hands it to Patton, sitting in front of the man. Patton sighs, feeling his face heat up. Logan strokes away any loose hairs, covering Patton's shining eyes.

Once the tea is placed Patton situates himself on the other side of the bed, checking his phone before he shuts it off. He feels the bed move ever so slightly as Logan adjusts, his arm meeting Pattons in his deep slumber. The lawyer waits for his typical reaction, for the deep panic to emerge, the whimpers of desperation, yet it never came. As Logan wrapped his arm around Patton, pulling him closer to his chest, nuzzling as he kissed Pattons neck. The lawyer felt nothing but safe.

“Goodnight love” Logan mumbles, a hot flutter as Patton instantly falls into the name.

“Im sorry” Patton bites his lower lip, Logan releases a sweet chuckle.

“You have nothing to apologize for, really” Logan promises, taking Pattons free hand in his own, the father bites his lip scared to object. Hoping to stop the lawyer from digging any further. “Was that...something left over?” He hints, Patton averts his sullen gaze.

“I guess, Im sorry” He goes again, feeling stupid as Logan treads around him. Logan leans forward, kissing him softly on the forehead, keeping his protective hold on Patton. “You should go, I'm so sorry” He rambles.

“Patton enough apologizing” Logan begs, trying to keep his worrisome voice under control. Patton shakes his tired head, his eyes barely flinting.

“I'm a mess, you shouldn't have to deal with me” he pouts, rubbing away the gentle tears that begin flowing. Pathetic. You got emotional… “You should go, I am so sorry” He blubbers, every decent or controlling instinct floods away with exhaustion. “You'll get bored, and then you'll resent me and-” He chokes back a sob

“Patton what-”

“I'm afraid I'm not enough for you!” He blurts, his arms squeezing tightly to his chest as they fold over his heart. And there he was, a timid child, so desperate yet so undeserving of validation. Logan falls silent, not sure whether he holds a right to reach out.

“Not enough?” He barely breathes “You are more than enough, you are everything” He takes Patton's cheek. “I think you're just tired, maybe we need to talk about boundaries”

“Boundaries?” Patton tilts his head, Logan bites back a saddened expression, the concept so foreign to the father. He pushes through nodding.

“Yes, for example, when I get rather upset or frustrated I prefer to be left alone” He tells, Patton notes this keeping it locked in his mind. “Now you” Patton raise a brow, furled in confusion as he tries hard to think.

“I...I dont…” He fights to conjure something, to simply please Logan. He slumps his shoulders, resigning his efforts. An overwhelming pit of guilt forming in Pattons stomach but soon his mind clears. He’s not doing this to please Logan, this is for him “I want-” Logan raise his brow “I need you to be patient with me” He states, Logan bites back a proud smile

“Patience, I can do that” Logan agrees, he knows that it doesn't matter but a simple affirmation goes a long way. “What else?” Pattons never gotten this far

“I need you to tell me what you're doing.” Patton continues, though confused Logan nods. He notices the couch begin to shake, Pattons leg taps rhymically.

“Explain” Logan regains his attention

“I need- I just...I want to know what's going to happen.” He attempts to clarify his silly thoughts “If you're going to hug me, tell me. If you're going to hold my hand, let me know. If you're going-” He shakes his head “I just need to know whats going to happen” Patton pleads, not that his partner needs much convincing “It won't always be like that, just, for now...I need to know”

“And that makes perfect sense. You can tell me if you feel the need to but I dont require the same courtesy” Logan assures, Patton finds his honesty comforting “I need there to be space” He adds. Patton waits, playing with the loose strings from his blanket. “I don't want to be coddled or cared for every hour of every day” Somehow they both ease into the room, the warmth returning as it becomes their home, their place. “I need there to be communication, I'm going to take your hand now” He smiles, Patton allows him to do so, grateful for the genuine effort. “I need you to inform me as to what's going on in your head, how you are feeling” He rushes the next part “I know it may take time, but I hope you can try, slowly” A comfortable silence takes place, the pair listen to the morning world as each aspect awakes for the day. Playful fiddling takes place between them, a routine so easy, so familiar, they could perform it should they choose. A storm Logan think has passed, no forming a rainbow in its own time, finds one last raincloud.

“I need to be allowed to… be” Patton barely utters the last word. Logan jerks his head back towards him, watching as the light sparkle of blue averts its gaze. Fearing his own temperament, knowing where this stems, Logan maintains a calm demeanor. “I need to be allowed to be emotional, to feel, to be excited-” He stops his rants, catching a crisp breath. “I need to be me” He realizes, a discovery it seems more for himself, his eyes widening only slightly.

“Patton, I can promise you, under no circumstance will I ever stop or discourage you from being you” He squeezes the mans nervous hands. “You shall never feel that way again, If I can help it.” He takes a sharp but deepened breath. Patton leans forward, connecting their lips of promises and a new hope for them. “I need you to bring me coffee every morning” Logan jokes

“Nice try, love you though” Patton teases leaning forward, an excitement to say the phrase so true and so deep, taking his chin as he kisses him once more. It felt nice, to have it simply happen with no resistance, no feeling of obligation. “Breakfast time” He stands, taking their empty glasses to the kitchen. The even rush of water clearing his scrambled mind. Scrambled...scrambled eggs, he prepares the recipe in his mind.

“Mmm” He hums, pleasant as the calm morning happens. “Oh I hear children” He notes, sweet feet scatter towards him. “Good morning Remus” Logan greets, Valerie rushes by making her way to her father. Remus wastes no time securing himself in Logan's arms.

“Are you my dada now?” He exclaims through a yawn, Logan freezes as Patton drops a shattered glass. Logan jumps up instantly, tightening his hold on Remus.

“Angelface stay back!” Patton rushes, Valerie stops in her tracks, her wide eyes staring curiously. “Lo?” He asks, Logan nods taking Valerie away from the kitchen. Once the danger is cleared away, and a hushed conversation between the lawyers takes place, they sit the twins down on the couch. “Good morning my gems”

“Good morning papa!” They both greet with delighted smiles. Logan watches, trying hard not to let his smile grow. Patton laughs, stroking their messy hair.

“You had a question crabcake, care to explain?” Patton jumps right in, his son buzzing back. Logan fiddles with Valerie's excited feet, he's not sure why but neither seem bothered.

“Because he's my dada now!” Remus giggles “You love him, I love him and he loves me and you which means we’re family! Does that mean hes my dada now?” Remus decides, Patton looks up hoping a threatening flood will stop. Patton sighs, finding it much too early to watch Remus and Valeries hopes dim. ”You always say that love makes a family, no matter what” He grins, his toothy grin melting Patton.

But why should they?

Why should Patton say no?

Because of Logan, this isn't up to him, this is more than just about him

“Oh Remus, I-”

“You're absolutely correct Remus” Logan chimes in, Patton turns to him. “We are family now” He amuses the young boy. Patton takes his cheek kissing him, nodding through the most fragile of tears.

“Fam-ily!” Valerie cheers “I love you” She giggles, squeezing tightly to the two lawyers. Remus joins in soon after both run off to the backyard, to play in the remains of the dewey morning. The pair stand moving to the kitchen, facing each other once more.

“You didn't have to say all that Lo” Patton thanks, fiddling with Logans gentle fingers. “I know we haven't really had a moment to talk about...what all this means. I'm sorry if that put you in an uncomfortable position” Patton breathes

“Love, we can talk about this later, no reason to put them down on this fine morning” Neither phased by the adoring name, Patton finding it quite common really. “In addition, I am not uncomfortable” Logan assures, he kisses Patton's cheek, leaving a very flustered Patton to fall back into his blushed routine.

~~~

“My idea of a perfect family isn't marrying a woman!” Patton argues, Logan cocks his head as he closes the door into Patton's office. The lawyer waves to Logan, frustrated as he paces back and forth. “My children mom! My beautiful twins, the man I love and my friends! That's my family!” He shouts, Logan debates whether he should be upset or if his heart shall beat faster “Mother! Do not come down here!” He scoffs, angrily hanging up the phone, clutching the chair.

“How's your day going love?” Logan jokes, Patton rolls his eyes playfully.

“Haha very funny” Patton purses his lips, Logan smirks at him, flipping through some loose files upon the table. The door creaks open, a sweet assistant peeking her head through. “Whats up Willow?” Patton inquires

“Uhm, I-” She fidgets, her face heating up quickly. Logan adjusts to look at her. “Miss Bernard would like to speak to mister Tolentino” She swallows, Logan stands cautious but looks to Patton first. Both prepared to rejoin in the hallway but it seems the young lawyer has her own plans. She steps in, taking a grim look around.

“Thank you Willow” She looks to the assistant, was that a hint of mockery?

“Thank you Willow” Willow repeats clearly deriding her words, both sharing a solid glance before the assistant removes herself, bored of the high and mighty. An amused glance is shared between the men but Diana carries on.

“What can I do for you Diana?” Patton inquires with a smile, fully aware of her intent to question Logan. He upholds his kindness, knowing things don't have to be strictly business.

“Must you be so nice” She jokes, her relief setting in “Unfortunately Patton Im here to talk to mister Tolentino. Seeing as he was-”

“Your predecessor on the case?” Logan finishes, interjecting with his formulated words. Diana nods in agreement. “Makes sense to me, would you care to follow me to my office?” He stands, dusting off his prim outfit. She smiles uneasy, finding his presence less comforting then the shining one of Patton. Logan turns to Patton, leaning over the desk to kiss him sweetly on his soft cheek. “Dinner?”

“Dinner” Patton concludes, returning his focus to his work as the two lawyers leave him.

Diana walks silently alongside Logan, skipping through the marbled halls, playing her own game. The lawyers find no qualms but no connection, simply they are, as two isolating figures.

“Owo we have to set boundaries!! Oh Patttttooooonnnnn” Roman mocks in the utmost nasally voice he can conjure. Logan sighs as they continue walking. Roman joins their journey, skipping delighted.

“I'm going to slap you” He threatens, Roman laughs, shaking his head.

“Do it coward, I dare you” The judge challenges, Logan stops them in their path. Staring right into the previously fiery eyes, now filled with an amber fear. “You should know Patton tells me everything”

“Not to be made fun of I presume?” Logan contradicts, Roman rolls his eyes nudging the lawyer. “That's what I thought” He holds his head up high

“Dude, i'm just screwing with you, I think its good” Roman assures, Diana hums softly on her end. Finding no place in this conversation she skims her files. “Miss Bernard” Roman greets

“Your honor” She breathes, a hint of annoyance. The two actually present themselves quite similarly, Logan notices. “Mister Tolentino I hate to interrupt but I do have a lot of work to get to-”

“Yes, I understand, apologies” Logan laments, turning to a gazing Roman “Roman, I will talk to you later” He nods, the judge walks away seemingly joining an idle James by the fountain. A sweet kiss shared between them, Logan raises an eyebrow but continues walking. Once they've reached his office, the shift in temperature hits the young lawyer quickly. A chill runs down her spine, tensing it as Logan barely glances her way. “Please, do sit” He offers, however his tone commands. But she does, and soon they face off yet seemingly on the same team.

~~~

“City councilman?” Patton breathes softly into the phone. He listens, though silent, his mind practically stretches with his thoughts. He walks through the crowded halls, frantic as he packs away his things. “No I mean..Im..I need to-” Cut off by more opportunities and new journeys, he smiles at a patient Logan who waits by reception. “yes , no Leo I understand-” He bites his lower lip, shaking his head “Got it, thanks”

“Everything alright?” Logan checks, taking his hand as he approaches. Feeling his anxieties wash away, dripping to the floor, feeling safe in Logan's touch. He leans in kissing his cheek, the softest of skin.

“Yeah, let's get to dinner” He pushes the other things out of his mind, watching his worries and questions seep away, himself leaning into the security of Logans gentle, curious smile. It doesn't take too long, besides the constant checking in with Virgil and the twins the ride itself is peaceful. The lawyers find themselves settled into the restaurant fast enough.

“I think it would be in our best interest to get right into business, as to enjoy the dinner once we have concluded our discussion” Logan advises, tapping the table. Patton sets down his water nodding.

“I couldn't agree more” Patton traces the brim, listening to the faintest hum from the glass. “So…” He drags it out, Logan smirks under the dimmest of lights.

“The kids” Patton states

“Yes you have them” Logan replies, knowing his words were silly. He was nervous, he wasn’t sure how to approach this, how to express a certain desire he assumed would go away but stuck through. “I would like, through the course of our relationship and however that might progress, to be apart of their lives” he explains, Patton keeps his face. He loved Logan, truly, but his kids would always come first. Every person who had even the tiniest place in their lives Patton made sure that for whatever he could do that they were safe and happy. Now he knew Logan and he knew he wanted him in their lives. But that was then, that was when he knew what he would be doing, now things change. To be blunt, now he isn’t just looking at a friend and caretaker, he’s looking at someone who’s going to be around for awhile, someone who will raise and discipline and love his kids.

“A father” he whispers, realizing to himself. Logan only hears the whistle of his soft words but not the substance. “Logan I don’t doubt that, but do you understand what you’re getting into?” He wasn’t just looking out for his kids, he wanted Logan to understand. He could be jeopardizing his relationship, his everything with Logan but he’s not going to allow the man to end up with something he doesn’t want, can’t handle or doesn’t make him happy.

“I don’t think I do either” Logan admits, he leans forward “But I don’t you did when you first had them. It’s a learning process, a place to grow.” Patton goes to rebut but Logan moves fast “And that is what you have to be understanding, that is what you have to be willing to do. Wanting to do” he breathes “and I want to. I want to learn, I want to be, in the most forward of terms, a parent” Patton inhales gently, soft breath not filling his mind quickly enough. “If you’ll let me and if you want me to” he adds, reaching out a hand, ready to receive. Biting his lower lip Patton takes the hand.

“Congratulations, you’ve got the job” He jokes, though forced his voice chuckles. Something sits uneasy with him, it’s not Logan it’s simply his uncertainty. He doesn’t know where to go from here, how does one go from being a friend to someone you love, who will be around, who your kids will see and soon enough see them as more than just ‘Dads friend’. Wide eyes as the reality set in, Patton didn’t know how to do this anymore. He had been on his own for so long, through every late night, every sickness, every fight, every tantrum and every tear. He didn’t know how to share that with someone, how to let them in.

He didn’t know how to let it be a good thing

How to let his previous fears wash away and embrace that maybe someone really wants to love him and care for him, and he can do the same without the fear of obligation. Someone who wants his kids as much as he does, to sit through those nights, to snuggle as they watch movies, to help when they get too much.

He didn’t know

And that frightened him

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hayleysstark · 5 years ago

Note

*Queenie faints dramatically on a couch* An anniversary whump fic, just for me? Be still my heart! You are so kind, Emerys, thank you! Since this is a birthday gift, why not make that the theme? For example, Merlin is so busy that he actually forgets his own birthday. However, Gwen and Gaius convince Arthur and the knights to throw him a surprise party! Or, for something angstier, Merlin visits Freya's lake and sends her flowers on the anniversary she died. Take your pick!

I wish you would write a fic where… Send me an anymous (or not) summary of the fic you wish I would write. (maybe I will write a tidbit)

Don’t be silly, Queenie, only the best for my friends!!! <3 Feel free to slide into my inbox come December and get a Christmas fic, too, if you like! I don’t start writing holiday-themed things until December though lmao so if the idea appeals to you, just think about what you want!

Anyways, I went with the first option here because I didn’t feel Physically Strong Enough to handle the second lmao and I didn’t have time to do both!! Work got crazy again ffs. anyways. I hope you like it!!

Reminder to all: please don’t send in any more prompts!!

Merlin has decided that absolutely everybody in the entire castle is enchanted out of their minds, again, and he’s the only one with so much as an ounce of sanity left to his name, again, and it’s all rather typical, really, when he stops to think about it, because now, of course, he’s got to go and find the source of it all, and the sorcerer who cast the evil spell to start with, on his own, by himself, with no one to help, as usual, and also, he’d bet his favorite red scarf the royal prat’s already gone and got himself knocked out, sprawled out somewhere like a helpless maiden, just waiting for Merlin to come along and save the day so he can miraculously come ’round right at the end when all the danger is over, and he’ll puff out his chest and swing his sword ’round and gripe and grumble about how he had to do everything without so much as a shred of help and he’s the only one in all of Albion who even stood so much as a chance with the evil sorcerer, and he has to carry the whole of the kingdom on his shoulders every single day, and of course, Merlin, you’re far too much of an idiot to ever understand what that’s like—

Maybe Merlin’s a touch too cynical about all this.

It’s just that’s everybody’s acting so odd lately! Everybody’s so happy, everybody’s smiling so much more than usual lately, especially around him! It’s almost as if everybody knows something he doesn’t, or maybe there’s this great and big and important secret he can’t be in on, he’s not allowed to be in on, this special, mysterious thing he can’t know about, he’s not allowed to know about, and everybody is in on the secret except him, everybody knows about this special, mysterious thing except him, and also, everybody’s trying really hard to act like there isn’t even any secret at all, and absolutely no one is doing an even halfway decent job of it.

For God’s sake, Gaius absolutely beamed at him this morning, and Gaius never looks so happy with him unless he’s just cleaned the leech tank, or restocked the astilbe, or something like that, and also, Gaius seemed very convinced that Merlin had every reason to start beaming back. And he let Merlin have honey on his bread for breakfast that morning, and Gaius never lets Merlin have honey on his bread for breakfast, or—well, ever, really.

And then, at noon, Gwen slipped him one of his favorite sweet rolls from the castle kitchens—it was actually rather nice of her, and Merlin would have been quite happy with it, except Gwen never nicks food from the kitchens, for herself or anybody, and gets uncharacteristically stern with Merlin whenever she catches him at it, and insists he’s “setting a bad example” for the younger servants, and “the cook worked very hard on those dumplings, Merlin!”

And it only got stranger after that, when Percival helped him polish Arthur’s boots barely an hour later, for absolutely no reason at all, and also, when Gwaine passed Merlin in the corridor a few minutes after all that, he winked, and said something about mead, and when Arthur ordered Merlin off to the stables, Leon even said, “Sire, do you really need Merlin to muck out the horses today?” with a very pointed look and overexaggerated emphasis, like today is something really special and important—

Oh. Maybe it is.

That might explain it, that might be what Merlin’s missing, that might be what’s got the world turned on its head today—if it’s something like Yule, or Samhain, or Beltane, or a solstice or an equinox or—well, no, that can’t be right, can it, not now that Merlin stops to really think about things. With no celebrations, no feasts, no time off for any of the servants, not even a special speech from Arthur atop the castle balcony, what sort of holiday is this supposed to be?

No, today can’t be terribly important after all.

So, an enchantment that makes everybody happy and really, really nice for no reason, Merlin repeats to himself, over and over again, except no matter which way he turns it in his mind, it still sounds absolutely ridiculous, and there’s not even so much as a passing mention of any such thing in his spell book. Magic that makes everybody happy? What sort of lousy evil enchantment is that?

Maybe it’s a trick, maybe it’s meant to lure him in, to trap him, to kill him with kindness in a very literal sense of the term—or maybe he’s just a complete idiot who can’t figure it out, as usual—

Merlin scrubs a hand across his tired eyes and flips, reluctantly, to the next page in his spell book. Perhaps he’s missed something. He’s never actually read it all cover to cover, never had the time, so maybe there’s just something he’s overlooked, something he just isn’t seeing, something small enough, it’s slipped beneath his notice—

The door crashes open, slams back into the wall behind with a sound like thunder, and Arthur Pendragon comes strolling inside like he owns the place and also, like privacy and personal space and closed doors aren’t things he should maybe consider.

“Arthur!” Merlin slams the spell book shut, and shoves it under his crumpled nightshirt, still strewn on the floor. “What are you—what are—?”

“Well, you’re abysmally late with my dinner for a start,” Arthur says, imperiously—oh, that’s another thing, actually, Merlin thinks Arthur might not be enchanted, because if all the secret-smiley-special be-nice-to-Merlin magic missed anyone, it most definitely missed Arthur. He’s been even more of an insufferable prat than normal all day. Still. At least he doesn’t give the spell book a second look. Typical. Too wrapped up in himself to even notice sorcery right under his nose.

“Sorry, Sire,” Merlin says, reflexively, and gets to his feet again. He shoves the book a little farther under the dirty shirt with the toe of his boot. “I’m coming.” He doesn’t have much choice but to follow Arthur out the door. He’ll have to come back later tonight, and see what he can find about this mysterious enchantment then.

“And my armor could use a polish, while you’re at it,” Arthur adds, like an afterthought. “And I’d like a bath as well.”

“Right,” Merlin says. He has no choice but to hurry through the dinner and the bath, but if he takes Arthur’s armor back here, and uses a little touch of magic here and there to speed things up a bit, he’ll still have time search up this strange spell again before Gaius gets back from poor Lady Winthrop—

Arthur lets himself into his cavernous, candlelit chambers, and Merlin follows, right on his heels, half in his shadow, and—

—and stops.

“Your dinner’s already on the table,” Merlin says, stupidly. It’s about ten different kinds of ridiculous, but it’s the first thing he can think of, the first thing that pops out of his mouth, because it’s not just Arthur’s dinner that’s already in the room, it’s—well, it’s everybody, Gwen and Gaius and Leon and Percival and Gwaine and Elyan, and it’s not so much as Arthur’s dinner as a royal feast spread out atop the table.

“Well spotted, Merlin,” Arthur says.

“What—what’s going on?” Merlin looks between Arthur and the others gathered ’round the food—there’s barely enough room for everybody, and Percival’s scrunched up a little to make room for Gwaine, and Leon and Elyan keep brushing knees under the table on accident, but everybody looks so happy.

From the enchantment, probably. Another little stab of fear jabs at Merlin at the thought. He really, really needs to get back and break the spell before all this can go even farther than it already has.

“Merlin,” Gaius speaks up from his seat at the table, and his infamous eyebrow starts to rise, “what do you think?”

Merlin takes a small step back. “I think you lot are enchanted.”

Gwaine laughs out loud at that. “Come on, Merls, have a sit-down!” He gestures excitedly to the empty chair at his side.

“I-I have to draw Arthur his bath,” Merlin says—he sounds like an idiot, but it’s true, isn’t it, that’s why Arthur dragged him here, right? For his—for a—?

“Merlin, you idiot,” Arthur comes up behind him and claps a hand down on his shoulder, “do we really need to spell everything out for you?”

“Um,” Merlin says. “…No?”

“Don’t be so hard on him, Arthur,” Gwen chides, and gets up from the table to come to Merlin, “look at him, he’s exhausted.”

“I’m fine,” Merlin says, but nobody pays so much as an ounce of attention to him.

“Yeah,” Gwaine throws in, “you worked him like a hound today, Princess.”

“Right, well, next time, I’ll let him laze around all day, and you’ll see, he’ll walk in while we’re still—”

“What’s going on?” Merlin takes another step back. He still hasn’t quite ruled out an evil enchantment.

“Merlin,” Gwen takes his fingers in her soft, warm hand, and smiles wide, “don’t you know what day it is?”

Oh. Finally, a question Merlin can actually answer. He nods. “Friday.”

Gwen looks, for a moment, as if she’s going to laugh at him. She bites down on her bottom lip instead. “Isn’t there something pretty special about this Friday?” She raises her eyebrows.

Oh, so there is something important about today, then? No enchantment? Oh, thank God.

“I—uh—” Merlin has to think about it. “Well, it’s definitely not Yule.”

Arthur laughs out loud. “Come on, Merlin, even you can’t be that much of an idiot.”

Definitely might have been a bit of a strong word. There’s snow on the ground outside, after all, even if there aren’t any logs or trees or fruitcake. “Is it Yule?”

Arthur stops dead and Gwen’s smile drops clean off her face and everybody at the table turns ’round to stare at Merlin, and he has a horrible feeling he just said something very stupid or very bad, or maybe both.

“S-sorry,” he says, uncertainly, “only I really don’t know what this is all about.”

“Merlin,” Gaius is the first to recover, as usual, “today is your anniversary.”

“No,” Merlin says, at once, “no, my anniversary’s not—not until winter--”

Oh.

Oh, God.

Gaius is right.

Arthur starts to laugh again, and this time, he doesn’t stop.

Merlin’s ears begin to burn. “I’ve had a lot on my mind lately!”

At least Gwen’s got the decency to put a hand to her mouth to hide her smile, and Leon tries, gallantly, to pass a snicker off as a cough, but Gwaine and Percival have no such qualms, and guffaw outright. Even Gaius lets out a quiet chuckle.

“Shall we write ‘Yule’ on the back of your hand when it’s that time of year, then?” Arthur says, when he can finally speak again, and it’s still a little warped from the laughter. “Samhain, too?”

“Sorry my anniversary doesn’t come with an enormous feast and party every year,” Merlin says. “It gets rather hard to recall when you’re—”

“Oi,” Gwaine sits up, “what do you call all this, then?” He gestures at the food splayed out on the table.

Merlin stares at all the dishes for a second—it’s not the sort of thing the cook roasts up for a royal feast or anything, but there’s chicken and potatoes and strawberries and a whole cake right in the center of it all, and it’s more food than he’s ever seen in the entire village of Ealdor.

“Wait, this is—” Merlin turns to look at Arthur, “—this is for me?”

“No, it’s for the other idiot servant who trips over his own boots and can’t hold a sword properly.” Arthur rolls his eyes.

“Arthur!” Gwen scolds. “It’s his anniversary!”

At least Merlin knows why everybody’s been so nice to him all day.

“He’s not any kinder to me on my anniversary,” Arthur points out.

“If I was kind to you, your head wouldn’t fit through the door,” Merlin says. “I’m doing you a favor, Sire.”

“Shut up, Merlin.”

#merlin #bbc merlin #fic #ask #queenie

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leekimdramas · 5 years ago

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May dramas

Just my list of some dramas I've seen this month + my short rant about them. Feel free to add your opinion about some of the dramas. 😊

He Is Psychometric

I'm not even sure where to start. The actors did amazing job portraying characters, and the writer did a good job by breaking our hearts. Even if in first episode it can seem like a light drama it is definitely not like that. At the end of this kdrama you will be heartbroken, so if you still just planning to watch it good luck.

As I said, this drama is definitely good but as you will see or already saw I didn't give it a 10. It is because I didn't feel that emotionally invested in this drama as some of the people were. Apart from that I really enjoyed this drama. 😊

9.5/10

Voice 2

The second season didn't dissapoint me. The cases became just more interesting than in the first one. The psychopaths are still going on and I believe this is what they'll gonna do in upcoming season. More about Kosuke and probably less about the cases.

Overall, it was pretty interesting and interested what we will see in next episode and what happens to the Golden Team. The only reasons why I didn't give 10 because of the mistakes it had. Mostly, I don't mind them but it was too obvious even for me not to notice (like in the last episode where the killer hurt him but there was no blood around). Anyways, it was small mistakes, and just my feeling that it's not 10. 😁

9.5/10

Laughter In Waikiki 2

Before starting this drama I was a bit afraid, especially of the new characters and what if it's not gonna be as good as first season. It definitely reach my expectations, it was still Waikiki we knew in first season but also had its own charm.

I didn’t even notice how episodes came to the end and now I'm a bit sad that it ended. The drama was wrapped up perfectly, maybe not with Lee Joon Ki and Kim Jung Eun but it was a great ending anyways.

Side note: if there will be season 3 please don't change the cast and maybe even add someone from first season!

10/10

Doctor Prisoner

To say it nicely Doctor Prisoner wasn't for me. The stories how he got those prisoners sick and get a leave where very interesting, and twist after twist of taking revenge was intruiging. How the writer decided such a plot?

There's is no denying that it was good but... I got bored with it pretty quickly. And the more I watched the less entertained I was. Anyway, I still believe that it just wasn't the genre I liked to watch and not because it was bad in any other way.

5.5/10

Love O2O

My first cdrama finished!! I wanted to watch this drama just because of this gif (Yang Yang is very handsome, no judgement please) plus I heard very good reviews about this drama.

I would like to be that one of the good reviews. I really liked the drama it made me all fluffy and happy. Just by watching this drama I started having really nice dreams. 😁 But as you see I didn't give it a 10 even though I liked it so much. There are a few reasons for that. Firstly, it had few very awkward scenes (for example their first kiss). Secondly, it got bored in the middle when got better then I got bored again after view episodes. Lastly, Yang Yang was cute and handsome when he smiled but I cringed so many times because of his 'serious' walk.

I'll end it nicely and say that I would definitely reccomend it for the people who like cute romances as it is very nice, just saying that those bits put me off a bit.

8.5/10

Beautiful World

It was a tiring drama to watch, it took all of my emotions and just gave it to the drama. I cried a lot watching it, I got mad a lot, especially at those mothers, I was happy to see everything ending that way.

I would reccomend it to the people who likes dramas about school violence, it is a bit like SKY castle but way more sad. The drama was definitely nice and good for giving attention to this topic but for me it was a bit too slow and I believe it would've been better with less episodes.

9/10

My Fellow Citizens

This drama definitely wasn't my cup of tea. It mostly about politics and I got booored so many times while watching it. My expectations for the drama were completely different, I just thought that it will be a rom-com but there was almost nothing romantic.

It had few fun parts can't deny that, that's why I can't say I hated it. The acting was good too but if I could turn back time I would say to myself not to watch it or at least drop it. If you wanna know why I still watch it, I will have to say that I was naiive again and thought it will become better and after that hope died it was too close to the end.

4/10

Her Private Life

Best drama of the year, of the century etc. I won't write a lot because all it would be synonims of amazing, perfect, fun etc. That childhood friends story was a bit meh but it ended as quick as it started so let's forget about it and only think about good things.

To end it off I have to say that it is my first couple after awhile which I shipped sooo much. Like they quickly became my favourite couple of all time. Can't wait to rewatch it with my mom. 😁

10/10

#may dramas #kdrama #may #he is psychometric #voice 2 #laughter in waikiki 2 #eulachacha waikiki 2 #doctor prisoner #cdrama #chinese drama #love o2o #beautiful world #my fellow citizens #her private life

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episodechooseyourpregnant · 6 years ago

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THE EPISODE STRIKE DISCOURSE

Sorry about the wait guys I’ve been so tired since I got off work, but here it is the entire sins of Episode laid out in front of you. There’s a lot of stuff to unpack, but you can read the basics at the end.

- Sunny

Fair Warning

So, this is a long ass post with lot’s of detail regarding Episode Interactive guidelines and the current reason of the strike currently taking place on instagram.

AKA: People hate episode and here’s why.

If that doesn’t intrest you then skip this post. \/(0.0)\/

So what’s exactly happening?

Currently, the strike is taking place do to unfair treatment of the content guidelines set on Episode (Well, there’s a bit more detail than that, but that’s the basics of it).

The guidelines in question are:

Crossovers between two different authors are no longer allowed. For example: Bad Boy in Town and Zezzy Montero crossover episode would no longer be allowed. Another example: The Teenage Viligante and Matched would no longer fit the guidelines.

You are only allowed 5 punches per story. (No action genre here!)

Using Episode Assets to create custom content is no longer allowed.

There has also been some internal issues with enforcing these guidelines.

Featured Stories have been known to get away with stuff

Allegedly- INK authors have been recieving harsher enforment of the general episode community guidelines while Limelight authors who produce the same content are given the go.

Popular Authors have also been known to get away with way more while smaller authors get dinged hard.

Episode Official Stories have broken the rules as well. (literally just wait...)

Pretty much all these issues came to a front when this post (the original forum post is now deleted) was made in the forums on April 19th, 2019 by Mod Melani:

In short: this is basically saying crossovers are no longer permitted on episode because it infringes on copyright.

People were up in arms do to this being a massive change in the rules, and it could potentically effect a large population of already published stories. As people started to feel quite pissed with episode, this was posted by a popular Episode artist, @schittwriter on her story.

It basically goes like this:

Her first cover for her story Bad and Badder get’s approved:

but her second cover for her INK story gets rejected.

Here’s the kicker:

Schittepisode uploaded two OF THE SAME cover to be reviewed for the exact same story (The same story was made for LL and for INK). The Limelight cover was approved and the rejected one was in INK. The email she recieved for the rejection of the INK cover stated that:

“Please adjust bra strap so it isn’t falling down her arm. Disrobing underwear in a sexual situation breaks the Episode guidelines”

I asked her basically what happened and she replied by DM:

She’s absolutely right that it’s unfair.

I haven’t seen the covers because she hasn’t released them, but from the way the DM sounds her the cover had two fully clothed people, but the girl was wearing a tank top with a loose bra strap.

It gets pretty laughable because we’ve seen what the romance section looks like. It’s also quite funny (hypocritical) that one of the most read stories on the platform, Chain Reaction by Miss MJ, has a cover that looks like this:

So, after these two massive bombshells of ‘injustice’ by the episode creators it lead instragram user @bukki.episode (writer of ‘My Psycho’) to post the infamous ‘strike’ photo.

Sidenote: Is INK treated differently than LL?

Short Answer: Nah.

Long answer: This is really an issue of the rules not being clear. Episode has stated before that INK is just old and outdated software that is hard to use. They switched to LL to produce content faster. They are obviously going to promote LL because that’s what they’ve been working on for ages. (not a style that they are never going to update again)

But, that doesn’t mean I can’t still hate LL and all it stands for

Read this for more on INK: https://forums.episodeinteractive.com/t/petition-more-ink/2325/122

More on the Guidelines

Basically, after I read about Schittwriters’ situation, I was actually wondering where in the guidelines state half of these things: Particuarly:

Does it say we can’t have disrobing in the Official Community Guidelines?

What are it’s rules on sexual situations?

Is the 5 punches per story rule real?

Is the crossover rule real?

Is using episode assets to create new backgrounds against the rules?

So, after some digging I realized that alot of these ‘new rules’ just flat out don’t exsist or have been miscontrude a bit. Not only that, but there is some SERIOUS miscommunication in the Episode review staff.

So, there’s two sets of guides we can look at: The one on the creator portal (the rules that are (should) be set in stone by Episode), and the guidelines that have been stated by the mods (Rules that have been stated by the mods in the forums, but not in the offical content guidelines). It’s hard to communicate with a large bunch of people who are running your site. It’s natural that rules will be kinda like a game of telephone, and that certain things will become subjective. So, I’m just gonna preface that because just because one mod makes a comment doesn’t make it automatically FACT.

But here’s what the offical content guidelines in the portal on sexual situations:

“

If stories contain objectionable or offensive content, we may not be able to feature or host them on Episode. Stories must always be appropriate for readers ages 13 or older, which means content would be objectionable if it, among other things:

(...)

+ portrays adult themes, including pornographic content, nudity, or prostitution;

+ includes excessive use of profanity or sexually explicit phrases;

Censor Bar Use, Nudity, and Sexual Content:

Depiction of sex (or anything suggesting that sex is occurring at that moment) in any form, including but not limited to, gyrating bodies, oral sex, or moaning/groaning is not allowed.

Explicit details of what is happening or has happened off-screen is also not allowed.

Any nudity on cover art is strictly not allowed.

Frontal nudity is allowed in a story if it is not excessive, only used in non-sexual situations, and always accompanied with censor bars or scenery to censor.

Posterior nudity in a story is only allowed in a tasteful and non-sexual context.

“

Reading these rules posted, there’s no rule stating that a bra strap or any sort of underwear can not be shown on a cover. I’m just a bit confused and where the line is because we have certain Episode employees approving some questionable covers like Chain Reaction’s, and covers like Schittwriters’s that are not being approved.

Is The Five Punch Per Story Rule Real?

No it’s not real. There’s no evidence or screenshots stating that this has ever been a rule.

The only source of evidence is a rumour that there was a screenshot of an episode employee telling a creator this rule on their instagram story. I can pretty much tell you that five punch rule is just wild rumour.

But after further investigation, I found that the actual rule is FIVE PUNCHES PER SCENE. Five punches per scene is a lot different than five punches per story. You could end up with ten action scenes and five punches per scene, so in theory you could have fifty punches in one chapter to stay within guidelines.

Here’s that screenshot of an episode employee (I redacted for privacy) messaging @bukki.episode on her story:

Using Episode Assets to make Backgrounds / Overlays

This ‘new guideline’ basically states that you can no longer use Episode Official backgrounds or overlays to make new or original backgrounds.

Once again, this is also a rumor that’s not true. In the episode guidelines they say that Episode assets are for non-commercial use only. Now, if an episode user had used episode assets to make backgrounds and sell them- that’s against the rules. This rule is stated in the update on the forums.

“Our Terms of Service indicate that Episode characters, materials and platforms (forum, portal and app) are a free service, and the use of these characters and materials provided are solely for personal and non-commercial use. Selling art or images with Episode assets counts as commercial use. This includes edits of Episode characters, altered renders, and composites. Any art sold must be entirely original artwork and cannot use Episode’s art at all.”

Again, I’ve heard rumours that this rule has been enforced, but I didn’t find a screenshot or any source of this being true.

The Crossover Discourse

Now, this new rule has caused quite a bit of stink do to valid reasons brought up in the forums (I’ll get to that). Now, I’m not gonna post the comments but you can read the thread here if you wish.

The crossover rule basically says that do to copyright laws Episode can no longer allow crossovers because there is no way to prove both parties are consenting to crossovers. Episode makes it very clear that if you publish a story with Episode - you own it.

“ Who owns my story? In a nutshell, you do! We can't sell the rights to your story to a movie or TV studio, make it into a book, or hire some new writer to write your story for you without your permission. You should review the Terms of Service, however, as we are licensed to promote your story and use it in advertising, among other things. We also own all the animations and art provided by the Episode platform, so you won't be able to take those with you. For more information, please read the Episode Terms of Service. “

source - (x)

Since people own the rights to their stories there adds the element copyright to anything people publish. Basically the Episode team is trying to think like this:

How can you prove on Episode that you aren’t stealing someone else’s work?

How can you prove that both parties are consenting to the crossover?

Mod Melani put this concern in her update on the original post:

“What if my friend gives me permission?

Even if your friend gives you permission, Episode has no way of tracking or enforcing this. Because of this, crossovers are not allowed on our platform. This is to ensure that your stories and characters don’t end up being misused! “

source (x)

I’ve heard rumours that there has been issues with stealing ideas, stories, characters from other authors, so this most likely to prevent stuff like that from happening. But, it seems a bit overkill to remove stories because of something that isn’t done with malicious intent. In fact, Episode should only respond to authors that want crossovers taken down, or authors that feel there is possible infringes in their copyright directly. Don’t throw out the whole carton just because there is a couple of bad eggs.

Another issue brought up with the crossover rule is the protection of stories that already have crossovers built into them. Many people brought up the fact that their favourite stories could be taken down because of this rule.

Mod Mel basically posted this:

“There is no deadline to remove stories that feature Episode-centric crossovers.

If authors would prefer to edit or archive these stories on their own schedule, rather than waiting for the possibility that we might ask them to do so in the future, they can do it whenever they want. The only thing that might happen to an author who has written a crossover story is IF we come across it, we may ask you to change or remove it.

We don’t want to “punish” authors who have previously written crossovers.

Authors should be concerned with not writing crossovers moving forward.

I hope this clears things up!”

source (x)

So...

Authors could in theory have their story removed if they did not know about the rule, or Episode could crack down on it before they had a chance to change it. One commenter brought up a good point that creators spend weeks coding crossovers or planning one- only to have it taken down.

Not only that, but these rules are a bit confusing...

We don’t want to punish authors, but we still might take down your story! :)

Episode has been known to take down stories without notice, so this could be a whole new can of worms to unpack.

Using Celebrity or Episode Author likenesses:

Melani3:

This is a really good question. Based on our content guidelines (below), you also should avoid featuring other authors in your story, as they’re real people. The same guidelines I mentioned above for changes apply if you already have a story that features another author, but please keep this in mind going forward!

“In addition, by publishing your story, you agree that it does not include any content that infringes the intellectual property rights or rights of publicity or privacy of any third party. This may include using any of the following without permission:

any works of authorship of other parties, including excerpts or passages taken from literary works, television or film; any trademarks or references to corporate or business names; or any references to real persons or places.”

source (x)

Episode has also started to enforce no longer using celebrity or episode authors likenesses on the platform.

I think this issue also stems from the issue of concsent. I think the Episode Team is worried about being liable for slander or online bullying, so that’s why author likenesses will be prohibited.

As for the celebrity likenesses, it’s the same issue of slander and consent. Episode can use the Dolon Twins, Demi Lavato, PPL, because they bought the rights and arranged contracts.

However, that basically means stories like Pregnant with James Charles’ Baby will be removed... (oh god, oh god, oh gOd, it’s already been removed....)

Episode gives Special Treatment (what else is new?)

*Without a doubt, Episode does not enforce their guidelines properly.*

I’m usually a pretty fair person, but Episode totally cherry-pick their rules. They have no concrete set rules, and most of the rules that are enforced are subjective. They need to state exactly what is and what isn’t allowed. I’ve seen and heard of small authors getting their stories removed without notice for swearing, but large authors with massive fallowings have never had to change due to the rules. I’ve also seen featured stories and episode official stories stay break they damn rules as well.

For example:

Sore Loser stayed up for a longer than it needed to (+All of Noob Loop’s story)

Pregnant by My Student is still top 10 of most viewed stories

(If I remember correctly) Toriah had her story removed / repremanded for excessive swearing???

No rules seem to apply to Gang Leader stories

As much as I love her, Kayla Sloan’s ‘War Dogs’ could promote excessive violence & ‘Adrenaline’ by Evil Ebonni & ‘I Despise You’ by Costa could as well, so why aren’t they removed??.. oh yeah they’re popular :/

Sex scenes are legit all over episode and they are the reason this company is still in business

In My Bed?! was an Episode Official story.

The Bad Boy Stole My Bra has so much sexual nonsense I mean c’mon

POSTIVELY PRINCESS HAS A CROSSOVER IN IT! ROYAL BABY MAKES A CAMEO AND HAS A PLOTLINE

Faking Death has sexual nonsense in it

FORBIDDEN LOVE (AKA THE NAZI STORY) IS STILL UP

Body Tangle

Off Limits (may I say more...)

Also this:

^ Literally a direct rule violation!

Episode’s Response

So that’s basically all there is to it. Hopefully things will become more clear in the next couple of months, but I highly doubt it...

TLDR; Episode published new guidelines stated that crossover episodes are no longer allowed, a rule with only 5 punches per chapter, and background and assets are no longer allowed. People were super up in arms because Episode has been know to remove stories without warning, so crossovers could possible discontinue a whole bunch of stories. Not only that, but a Episode Creator posted screenshots of her cover for her Limelight Story being accepted, but her INK cover being rejected due to a ‘bra strap’. It madeit seem that INK was being unfairly treated agaisnt LL. People started going strike for those reasons. However, the backround issue and 5 punches per chapter issues were just false rumors. Episode responded, but it’s clear that most of their guidelines are bullshit and there is special treatment going on. We’ll see how the guidelines are written these next couple of days.

#episodestrike #episodeinteractive #episode+choose+your+story #episodememe #episode choose your story #episode drama #episode #strike #drama #tea

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fortunei · 5 years ago

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Second opinion (1/?)

rating: k+

pairing: Annette/Ingrid

wordcount: 1k~

“Ingrid is torn to choose between the two people circulating around her life. Unknown to her, there’s eventually an elephant in the room – and for so many times, she’s just failed to see.”

It is not the first time for Ingrid to tell her fellow part-timers about her recurring problem, and likely it won’t be the last.

Actually, she can opt to ask someone else, like her childhood friends for example, instead relying on someone else while she is discussing yet about someone else. Then again, Ingrid knew that her childhood friend won’t be of any help to begin with, especially as it is related to this ‘case sensitive’ things.

Currently, there are two young women about her age revolving around her life as Ingrid is busy juggling between college classes and numerous part-time works to pay her tuition and miscellaneous life fees. Ingrid was not one who think about romance, yet, as these two women advanced—in her vocabulary, anyway—Ingrid grasped that she is in a spot where it is no longer one of those ‘casual relationship’ between two girls.

First, Dorothea Arnault. A beautiful, lovely brunette to everyone’s standard specifically to her childhood friend’s Sylvain standard. If Ingrid about to borrow Sylvain’s way of description, Dorothea got a dynamite body and voice of a siren.

Okay, that was not the important point.

Dorothea and Ingrid first met not in the Garreg Mach University, but in that very coffee shop with Dorothea coming as a customer and Ingrid happened to miswrite her name as ‘Dorotea’ on her order of black coffee. The girl was amused, though, rather than angry. Ingrid remembered how she doubled over and told her friend, Edelgard, who’s sitting with a bored look at the corner of the café with her espresso waiting for the brunette to calm down.

After that, Dorothea remembered Ingrid’s name and visited the café often … until Dorothea scribbled her phone number on the in-the-house mug, along with a kiss mark and a sign from the diva.

“—and then, Dorothea asking you for a date again this weekend?” Annette, her aforementioned fellow part-timer confidant, interrupts.

“No, not this weekend. Though she said if I want to see her performance at the Mittelfrank Opera troupe, I’m welcome to visit,” Ingrid replies. Annette gave her a look.

“How’s that different from asking for a date?” the orange-haired woman let out a dry laugh.

“That’s … not that directly, right?” Ingrid furrows her brows.

Annette rests her chin on her palm, her expression alternates between giving Ingrid a sharp glare or just a tired sigh. “Oh, you. No wonder Dorothea is exasperated.”

There are currently only the two of them in a break room for a half hour break. Lion House Café has a little number of female workers in due to unknown reason, mostly Ingrid will be there as the sole female part-timer, or there will be Annette or the second-in-command manager Mercedes, or it is them both.

Annette didn’t take off the store apron and busied herself with something else—notes of something, presumably her college stuffs—Annette would be there to lend her ear. Ingrid didn’t really remember how exactly it is started, then again Annette has been someone who’s easy to talk with.

“Then, is it about Bernadetta?” Annette changes the topic. Her hands folded neatly on the table. Annette sure knows her well.

The second person of interest, Bernadetta Varley, is Ingrid’s flat mates right next door.

As Ingrid is too busy to even know her neighbors, she knew about Bernadetta from her other childhood friend Felix, in which at times Ingrid found it strange when she traced it back as Felix is not exactly a sociable person. Felix said something about a girl who holed up in her room and only going out to take care of plants nearby Business major’s building.

Knowing how Bernadetta holed up in her room reminded Ingrid of her past, she helped Bernadetta to be out. Then, as Bernadetta operated normally now (by normal, she is seen more outside), she repaid Ingrid’s kindness with home cooking, which Ingrid found it hard to decline. Breakfast, often lunch too when Ingrid is around the flat.

The blonde nodded in affirmation. “She started to cook for dinner as well.”

“That’s so sweet of her.”

“But isn’t it … too much? I mean, isn’t it strange? It looks like I took an advantage of her.” Ingrid explains. Annette crooks her brow for a bit, tapping the tip of her pencil beside her open notebook.

“No, you don’t. I think Bernadetta is being kind to you because she wanted to,” Annette’s tone is positive and reassuring. Somehow, Ingrid is close to believe that it is okay. “So it shouldn’t be a problem, just make sure you thank her after every meal.”

“I did, don’t worry.”

Ingrid recounts inwardly how many times Bernadetta stuttered after Ingrid conveyed her heartfelt thanks after every meal. But perhaps, such details is of no concern to Annette. She could only hope that it won’t be a problem later, for her to be cooked a frequent, lavish meal, and on top of it, for free.

“By the way. Do you want some coffee, Ingrid? Dedue has unloaded a new Jamaica beans earlier. He asked for us to give a taste.”

“Sure thing.”

Ingrid watches as Annette bounces on her step as she gingerly reaches for the exit and then to the direction of the espresso machine by the left, bumping with Ashe along the way before the door closes.

Annette happened to be in the same shift with Ingrid three times a week this month, one at night and two for the day shift. Ingrid thought it would be a good chance to talk with Annette now, since the afternoon will be the busiest hour of that café.

Not long, Annette is back with two paper cups of piping hot coffee. She places the cups away from her book, as to avoid spilling, Ingrid holds both cups and wait for Annette to sit before giving back her share of cup.

“I don’t know if you want more sugar or syrup, but please help yourself. I’m trying to memorize the notes.”

“Oh, sorry. Did I bother you with my babbling?” Ingrid shot an apologetic look.

“Not at all!” Annette beams, taking sip on her coffee cup. “Ouch, it is hot!”

“Careful, Annette.”

Ingrid shields the open book, pries it away as Annette tumbles a bit after the stinging hot coffee impact. It would be bad if her notes for tests are ruined, is what Ingrid had in mind first. Then, back to Annette, trying to help the orange-haired woman steady herself before the coffee happened to spill on her clothes.

“Ah, oh, thank you, Ingrid.” Annette says. She put the cup on the table. Ingrid shuffles to get a glass of water from the break room’s dispenser, handing it to her. “God, why am I so clumsy?”

“It just happens, no need to mull over it.” Ingrid tries to calm her down. “Also, it is the least I can do to help since you’re always listening to my problems.”

Annette chuckles, “No need for such formalities. Friends help each other, after all~”

“Then, I’ll help you next to be as silent as possible as you memorized your notes.” The blonde adds.

“If you say so.”

Annette accepted the offer, so it seems. Ingrid glances to the wall clock, there is a good fifteen minutes. It should be enough time for a little study and maybe she can check her phone quietly at the meantime.

Ingrid looks down to the spread books belonged to Annette, noticing the small, meticulous writing across the pages. Sometimes there’s a note with different-colored ink, or a phrase that’s highlighted. There also scatters of arrows connecting points of the lecture. Numerous stick notes jutting out from the handbook is also correspondent to the stick notes glued to the notebook pages. Everything seems to be planned out well.

“Um, Ingrid?”

“Yes?”

“Mind if … you don’t look at my writings? It’s, uhh, messy.” On the response, Annette places both hands on the page. Ingrid blinks.

“But your writings are cute. And everything is in order, unlike me.” Ingrid comments. She blows on her own cup before taking sip. It is bitter, but the acidity level is just perfect. “I hardly take notes during lectures.”

“You didn’t?”

“I’d prefer to be out exercising, but, yeah. I can manage just fine without too much notes. I guess I’m just lazy.”

Annette is scribbling something on the side, another note to a phrase she lined. “People have a different approach on studying, so I can’t really say whether your chosen way is classified as lazy or not.”

“You know, Annette. You’re so convincing,” Ingrid finds herself saying, almost blurting. The orange-haired woman looks up, perplexed.

“It’s not in the bad way, what I meant is when you said something so positive, I feel that everything is going to be okay, and that really is a good feeling.”

There is a pause, Annette’s lips hang open. She breaks away the eye contact to continue on the notes that she left upon listening in. Ingrid was confused of the sudden silence, but she digressed, respected Annette’s choice to remain silent until their break time is over.

Ashe and Dedue entered as soon as the clock struck to 2 PM, seemingly to talk animatedly about types of coffee beans. Ingrid raises from her seat and waves at them, while on the corner of her eyes, she saw Annette closed her notebooks and collected her study kits in hurry. She straighten up, bid a good work to both boys before walking past the door just in front of Ingrid.

What’s up with her? Ingrid wasn’t sure of what to say, but they must continue the shift anyway. Even if it is with all the awkward silence.

#wrt #ingrid brandl galatea #annette fantine dominic #coffee shop AU #anngrid

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melonkooky · 6 years ago

Text

bts reaction - dealing with the downsides of idol life

requested

genre: angst i guess, mainly fluff, maybe some cringe

please do not copy my work. but please like and reblog it. thank you!!!!

masterlist

kim seokjin

long distance relationship - you and seokjin met when he was in america (or another place other than south korea if you live elsewhere). he was on tour there, but unfortunately you weren’t able to attend the concert because of expenses and you had to work. but he happened to stumble upon the place you worked at when he and the other members were taking a break to explore the city. you two hit it off as language wasn’t much of a problem. being the man he is, he asked you on a date and things escalated from there. now you were the girlfriend of mr. worldwide handsome. but he had to return to his homeland eventually. he insisted on trying the long distance relationship because he loved you so damn much, he didn’t want you to be just a fling. he didn’t want to let you go, as much as you told him that you would be fine if he broke it off. so, to maintain the long distance relationship, a schedule eventually formed of when you and him could facetime or call each other. he would call you whenever he can. once you got in trouble with your boss for being on the the phone with seokjin, but seokjin asked to talk to your manager. now, the boss doesn’t say anything every time seokjin calls you. you don’t know what he said to your manager but now talking to him on the phone makes work more tolerable. there are many, many times when you two miss each other to the point it hurts, which results in a whole essay over text about how much you appreciate each other. but later, he’ll either come back and actually consider kidnapping you and take you to south korea or you’d be able to save enough and visit him in south korea. either way, the long distance relationship would work very well, other than the conflicts every so often. that wouldn’t stop the love between you two.

min yoongi

“other focuses” - when i say other focuses, with this boy i mean he would get concentrated on something else. probably on producing or writing music, something that keeps him cooped up in his studio day and night. though you lived with him, sometimes his focus would be on his music and not on you. he may have forgotten about you, but he doesn't do it intentionally. music is just an extremely important thing in his life. you try not to bother him too much, knowing that it might add to the stress that he has already built up, but you can’t help but worry. you love the rapper. most of the time when you interrupt his work, he’ll let you pull him away from his computer. sometimes you’ll go to the couch, maybe the bed, or sometimes actually outside for a walk, just something to take his mind off things and to spend quality time as a couple. but, that doesn’t always work. every once in a while, he might be stressed to the point where he’ll lash out at you. he doesn’t mean to, he just isn’t thinking straight. when these fights and arguments happen, you know he doesn’t mean the things he says and you try not to take them to heart. but it’s both difficult for you and him later when he realizes everything. it might take him a little time to actually confront you about these things as he isn’t one to be open about his feelings, but he will apologize. so, his “other focuses” might get in the way, but you and him always put it past you and work things out. he’ll always think about you and that’s what drives him to do the things he loves to do.

jung hoseok

language barrier - you moved to south korea a little over two months ago. you always dreamed of living in seoul as it was one of the most beautiful cities on the world. and coincidentally, you met jhope on the streets. at first he didn’t understand that you only knew some korean so he attempted to flirt and ask you questions, to which you only were able to answer a few. when he finally understood that you were a foreigner and didn’t understand much of what he said, that drove him to learn some of your own language. language wasn’t going to stop this man. he would be head-over-heels for you. but eventually, living in a country full of korean, you began to pick up more of the language. then, you finally accepted hoseok as your boyfriend, feeling less insecure on your lack of korean. but, that doesn’t mean everything is problem free. there will be times when you wouldn’t understand a small phrase or word that hoseok is telling you. he wouldn’t be mad, but he wouldn’t know how to translate it for you into your own language. he might get irritated that he can’t help you. so, this would lead to namjoon being a big part in the beginning stages of your relationship with hoseok. he would be a translator every time you and hoseok would be having issues communicating something to each other. but after so long, you would overcome that language barrier and you wouldn’t need namjoon to help you anymore. eventually you would be able to understand almost everything, and hoseok would also have learned small phrases and words in your own language, just because he knows it makes you smile when he speaks it at random times, or because he knows you love to see his effort to learn it.

kim namjoon

different time zones - this could kinda correspond with long distance relationship, depending on how different the time zones are. an example could be how there’s only a two hour difference between south korea and thailand, one hour with malaysia. with the united states, there’s almost a fifteen hour difference. no matter where in the world you live, no matter how large the time difference is, namjoon would put a lot of effort into being able to talk to you. he’d always be able to set aside an hour or two of his time, even if it meant losing some of his sleep, which you felt bad about considering how hard your man works but it was the only way for now. namjoon is a hard worker so i imagine he would put lots of effort into your relationship, not wanting to seem like he’s not trying when really he’s busy with his schedules. if you were close to him distance wise, he might visit you during his break. or you might go over to where he is yourself. but if you were overseas, he would always find time to visit you. maybe before or after a concert, maybe when he needs his own vacation, maybe even when he’s there to film a reality show or something. there will always be a time, even if it’s just an hour, dedicated to you. he loves you dearly and you love him just as much. a little or large timezone wasn’t going to be an obstacle in this relationship. in fact, it might only make it stronger.

park jimin

privacy - as we all know, bts are only gaining popularity. as they become more worldwide, the more their privacy gets invaded the boys being surrounded by fans trying to take their pictures at the airport just yesterday...they looked so tired...it made me angry. there’s always going to be sasaeng fans, that’s included in the package of being an idol. many fans are attracted to jimin, and you and his relationship was a secret to the public for the time being. dates were hard as you and him couldn’t go out in public, unless it was very late at night. most dates were at your apartment, bts’ apartment or at the bighit building (and at home when you eventually share an apartment with jimin). that was enough for you since just being by his side made you happy, but jimin wanted to take you to restaurants or parks, wanting to show you off to the world. so he finally announced his relationship with you. 95% of fans accepted and congratulated you and jimin and the relationship. but that other 5% were skeptical and impolite. that’s when they began to invade your social medias. sometimes they’d find you when you were out by yourself in public. things would eventually die down, but there was never an end to the invasions or hate. jimin would be your rock and always help you stay grounded when you allowed the hate to get to you (and vise versa). he would tell you how much he loves you and to not believe that things they said to you. he would always prove to you they weren’t true. even if you got to the point where you wanted to break it off so that they would stop hating on not only you, but jimin too. jimin would not allow it. he would always change your mind. even though sometimes the fans caused problems, eventually they would all stop talking about it, maybe even forgetting. and even for those few haters, you and jimin would get through it.

kim taehyung

busy schedule - a busy schedule could apply to everyone. they were kpop idols after all. but focusing on taehyung, he would never let his schedule get in the way of living his personal life and spending time with you. he understood that he was away from you a lot and he made sure to point that out numerous times to you at the beginning of your relationship. he loves you and would understand if his absence grew too much on you. but you were fine with the time apart because you understood that that’s what came with dating a kpop idol. you knew what you were getting into when you said yes to being his girlfriend. sometimes, you even had a busy schedule yourself, considering that you had a job. and sometimes that would create distance, but you and taehyung could never actually ignore or be cold to each other. needless to say, there are also lots of times when you two could spend time together. the mornings and nights were the most common. he was a cuddler, so those were your favorite times to be with him. once in a while, he might call up your manager to give you a week off. when you ask why, he answers that he’s taking you with him, when he has to go on tour. he’ll do this so often, you kinda became a part of the staff that prep them before a concert. there were also be days or weeks when he has time off. he might see his family, take you with him to see his family, but he would want to spend his time off with you, considering his schedule. both of you might even consider it being clingy, but you two were together and that was all that mattered.

jeon jungkook

“other focuses” - jungkook is just everywhere. he is now producing music magic shop is my absolute favorite song, he likes to film videos and take pictures, he dances, sings, and raps, and he also is still very young. he truly is the golden maknae. and being the person he is, that would result in him always working on something, much like yoongi. to start off, he probably practices a lot and he pushes himself to work hard. so after a long day of practice, he would go straight to bed. other days he would be working on a huge, tedious project on his computer. sometimes he needs to spend quality time with the members. and throughout the year, he goes on tours and is gone for a while. but that doesn’t mean he never is focused on you or that he puts his relationship last. like everyone else, he would always find the time for you. at night, he would pull you close to his chest, sometimes telling you about his day, other times just laying under the covers in silence. these were the nights after a whole day of feeling like the day would never end and that he was never going to see your sweet face ever again. of course that was never the case, but the feeling is enough to give him a longing, painful ache in his chest. even if he ever got too focused, he would always be distracted by you. sometimes he’s even let you sit next to him and you’d watch him edit things. he might even teach you what he knows. yes, his other focuses got in the way sometimes, but keep in mind that you are always his main focus.

#kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #bts reaction #bangtan #bangtan sonyeondan #bts #bts fluff #jin #suga #jhope #rm #v

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cafe-rfa · 7 years ago

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Thank you darling!! aaa I know all too well how you feel T_T Please take courage! It can be really scary, but I hope you get comfortable with saying ‘no’ when you mean it!

I mostly went with “people pushing work onto MC” because that’s what I face the most, but I understand that avoiding confrontation happens in many other situations! Be sure to read under the cut for the rest of the characters!

Zen:

Zen’s always been your number 1 fan, supporting you and your dreams! So when he sees you baking a mountain of cupcakes he smiles and is glad that you found a new hobby.

“What’s the occasion, babe?” He wraps an arm around your waist from behind. There really were so many... and you looked dead tired on your feet...

“Oh, they’re for my friend’s son’s 5th birthday party. She’s too busy to bake anything, so she asked me to help her out.” You smile, but it’s a weak, tired attempt.

“That’s very nice of you. You’re friends with the little boy?”

“I haven’t met him, no. She’ll come pick these up tomorrow, though, so at least I don’t have to deliver them!”

Zen frowns. “Wait, you’re not even going to the party?” Well, he understands that going to a toddler’s party might not be exactly what you want to do, but your friend should at least invite you over for food and a cup of coffee, if you’re baking her cupcakes for free.

You laugh, “No. Don’t worry, babe, this is nothing.”

“It’s not nothing,” your boyfriend retorts, “You’re tired and she’s not even giving you anything in return. Here, I’ll help you with the cupcakes... but you shouldn’t let her walk all over you. Okay?”

You’re grateful for Zen’s help, but you can sense he’s a little angry - not at you, of course, but for you. As you two bake, he’s giving you exercises so that you can say ‘no’, until you’re both so tired that they spiral down to silly things instead.

When your friend comes over the next day to pick up the cupcakes, he answers the door and gives her a million dollar smile. “MC worked really hard on these, so I hope your boy likes them. It’s the next best thing to having his own mother bake them. Anyway, you can drop off the thank you card and wine tomorrow.”

The friend is flustered, and makes like a tree as soon as she can, but she doesn’t bother you as much anymore. And hopefully, you become more confident as well, cherishing your work and valuing your mental and physical health.

Yoosung:

Your friend keeps asking you for favours to help them finish their work. It’s hard to say no to a friend...

Yoosung completely understands... Though he may not have been in your exact position before, he hates group projects for this reason.

Usually one person does the majority of the work - that used to be him in high school, but in college he’s been leaching off of others. Neither position felt good.

You vent to him at home, frustrated at how much of your time is taken up by your friend’s demands. And yes, you agreed to help them, but that doesn’t mean you’re happy to do it... You just didn’t want to refuse.

Cuddling, he listens to every word you say, and tries to think of a way he can help you. Since he’s gone through the same sort of transition, maybe you could try imitating him...?

“MC,” he murmurs after a while, “Remember when Zen asked me to help him develop his character for a play? And I asked him to pay me...”

You snort as you think back to those couple of days. Their friendship always brought them to funny places. “Yeah, how could I forget?”

“You should try doing that! Asking for things in return, I mean. If you don’t want to do something, then don’t... But if you end up doing it, you shouldn’t do it for free. I promise it’ll make you feel better.”

“But they’re my friends, I can’t just ask them to pay me-”

“Why not? Friends help each other out, but they don’t abuse each other, either... Even Zen agreed to pay me, because he knew it was asking for a lot. If they’re really your friend, they’ll want to help you out in return, too.”

You sigh. “Yeah... you’re right. I’ll try that, maybe.” You weren’t sure if you were shameless enough to ask for something outright, but maybe it would make declining the request altogether easier.

Jaehee:

You were supposed to get out of work early today, since you had some over-hours piled up, and you planned to use this time to cook a romantic dinner for you and your girlfriend later that day.

“MC, you can’t leave yet,” your boss told you - and when you explained you were cashing in your over-hours she shook her head, “We need you to start working on the project for next month. Come on.”

And so you caved. Not only did you not leave early... you left work late today again (adding to your over-time). You’ve been texting Jaehee throughout the day, so she knew you were coming home late.

Still, by the time you come back, you’re dead tired and practically crying from frustration at yourself because you didn’t have the guts to say no, and now your relaxing day with your girlfriend slipped through your fingers.

You open the door, and Jaehee, noticing how tired you look, embraces you. “I’m sorry,” you groan, “I can’t believe I got caught up late again...”

“I know, I know. It’s okay, MC.” Jaehee has been there - working for Jumin meant work cutting into her personal life on a daily basis. She understands how hard it can be to say no to your boss, and though she hates that you’re going through this, of course she doesn’t blame you.

She encourages you to vent, and you talk about everything on your mind as she combs her fingers through your hair, until you’ve calmed down a bit. When you’ve said everything but the feeling of frustration still hasn’t left, the both of you start name-calling your boss to let off some steam, until it gets so silly that you both start laughing.

“She’s such a potato-face.” “A used tissue.” “Smudge on the window.” “Melted ice cube-” “Smelly sock!” “Boiled eggshell!”

Jaehee pulls out her phone and books two tickets for that movie you’ve been wanting to see in the cinema for a while now, but you didn’t have time.

“MC,” your girlfriend shows you the electronic tickets, “Tomorrow you’ll cash in your overtime hours, and if your boss says anything, you’ll show her this and say I have non-refundable tickets, I have to leave now. Okay?”

You smile and lean up to kiss her thank-you. “It’s a date.”

Jumin:

Jumin’s been trained to be diplomatic all his life tbh, so he knows exactly how to decline something politely and firmly. His self-confidence also makes people not question his decisions, so they don’t bug him (usually) after he tells them ‘no’ once.

It doesn’t even occur to him that you might not have the same skills, so he assumes you just enjoy helping people with absolutely everything! Which isn’t a bad thing, but your colleagues keep asking you to do more and more of their work, and it’s really starting to pile up...

When your boyfriend finds you buried in a pile of work one day, stressed to the point of crying, his heart breaks. “MC? What’s wrong?” He sits down next to you and takes your hand into his.

“Ugh, nothing. It’s just that I guess I bit off more than I can chew... I wish I hadn’t agreed to help my friends with so many things.” You tell Jumin everything that’s been pushed onto you and how close all the deadlines are, and though you’re a sobbing mess, he’s as collected as always.

“It’ll be okay, MC. We’ll work this out, I promise.” He comforts you for a moment, and when you’re feeling calmer he distributes your work between some of C&R’s employees RIP them so that everything can be finished on time. You protest at first, but that seems to be the only way to get everything done now...

“From now on, please don’t let people tell you what to do. You’re doing your work - you don’t have to do any more than that if you don’t want to. Not to this breaking point, okay?”

“But they’re my friends, I can’t say no if they need my h-”

“Yes, you can. I’ll tell them no if you’re hesitant. But don’t put your own wellbeing below their comfort.” Jumin states firmly and you nod, embracing him. You feel bad enough that Jumin’s employees had to clean up your mess, so you try your best not to get into this situation again.

He believes the best way to help you with this is to develop your self-confidence more so that you feel more comfortable declining requests. Jumin showers you in compliments, and practices asking you ridiculous things so that you can say ‘no’.

Saeyoung:

He’s upset when he finds out people are using you. You’re such a kind person, it’s awful to take advantage of that! Not to mention, you have enough on your plate as is, without your friends begging you to help them, too...

As long as he isn’t absolutely drowning in work, Saeyoung takes some of yours off of you. He insists he’s always wanted to write an essay about the ethical implications of toothpaste factories. Though you know that’s just an excuse so you don’t feel bad about him helping you out, it makes you laugh anyway.

Saeyoung does a decent job writing your friend’s essay, but it’s definitely not A+ material, considering his ridiculous examples and casual writing style.

He encourages you to do your friend’s work badly - “Then maybe they’ll stop asking you for stuff all the time!”

“Saeyoung! I can’t do that-”

“Why not?”

He shrugs. “Why should you do their work for them? It’s good to help your friends out, but if they keep using you for stuff without thanks, you should reconsider if they’re the types of friends you need around you.”

“Besides,” he adds, “It was their gamble to rely on you! They can’t very well complain about you to the teacher, or else everyone will know they didn’t do the work themselves.”

That’s definitely advice, though you feel a bit iffy about it anyway.

Saeyoung is willing to help you in whatever way he can, either like this or by hacking into the university server to move the deadline.

In the end, the best he can do is encourage you to look out for yourself more. “They don’t owe you anything. You don’t have to do what they say, okay?”

He insists on helping you practice saying ‘no’ - to his kisses! It’s silly and ends with a tickle fight, but he hopes it gives you more courage to stand your ground in the future.

Jihyun:

You were waiting in line to take an individual oral exam [for university/an outside course], and it was really disorganised... Everyone kept pushing in front of you, “I’m so tired!” “I just want to go home!” “I’m going in next!”

You didn’t have the guts to dispute anyone, even though you were also tired and wanted to go home, and you’ve been standing here for the better part of two hours.

You were one of the last people to take the exam, and so you left very late, it was already dark... You call Jihyun on your way home.

“MC! How was the exam?” your boyfriend asks.

“It was fine,” you sigh, “I’m just so tired... I was supposed to leave at least an hour ago, but it’s already so late... I’m sorry. It was such a mess and everyone kept butting in before me, ugh.”

“I’m sorry to hear that... But you’re almost home, right? I’ll give you a massage when you’re back. You can relax now, honey.”

Your mood doesn’t go from sour to good so quickly, since you were still exhausted, but you’re feeling significantly better after hearing Jihyun’s gentle voice over the phone. It’s even better when you come home to your boyfriend’s warm embrace.

Cuddling on the couch is one of the best ways to feel better. You vent your frustrations some more, and Jihyun listens to your every feeling, smoothing your hair in comfort as he does so.

He knows exactly where you’re coming from, he’s been victim to these sorts of thoughts as well. He avoids confrontation unless he absolutely has to speak up, but over the past two years he’s started looking out for himself some more. He wishes you could do the same...

“You don’t exist to make everyone’s life easier, MC,” Jihyun whispers, “You exist for yourself, and no one else. When you’re kind, it takes courage to set your foot down, I know. But I can’t stand seeing you used by others so much. Please... look out for yourself. And I’ll do whatever I can to help you, too. Okay? Please remember that... MC...”

Saeran:

After leaving Mint Eye and regaining free will, Saeran takes so much pleasure in saying ‘no’ to things - something he’s never been able to do before.

From things like “I don’t want to watch this movie” to “No, today I’m spending a day for myself only”, the freedom is so liberating. It was hard to get out of his habit of doing what people told him at the beginning, but he manages to break through that learned behaviour daily.

So Saeran understands where you’re coming from. But he also encourages you the most to take control of your life and to try saying ‘no’ - he knows himself how important that is (and how difficult).

“You’re free to do whatever you want,” Saeran encourages you in the same way you encouraged him when he was healing.

One day, you’re sitting on the couch, cuddling together and your phone dings, you sigh as you read the message from a colleague of yours who asks for help far too often - ‘MC, could you create the powerpoint for my meeting tomorrow?’

“What is it?” Saeran asks, and you angle the phone towards him so he can see the message.

He frowns and snatches your phone from you. “Saeran!” You grab his arm to try and get it back, but pushes you back (gently!) and he holds your phone up and out of your reach as he types something.

You hear the sound of the message being sent, and he returns you your phone. ‘I’m busy. I can’t help you.’ the message says. You feel anxiety swell up, you’d never wrote something like that! But it feels good, too… You really didn’t want to cut your day off short to do someone else’s work.

“It’s not your problem. That’s not your work. Your friend should do this herself. Relax, MC…” Saeran comforts you, and then turns a little pouty, “Besides, you promised you’ll spend the entire day with me.”

From then on, you try to imitate this message when people ask you to do something, but when it gets too much you can always sheepishly hand your phone to your boyfriend and he’ll send it for you.

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger imagines #zen #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #jumin han #saeyoung choi #707 #jihyun kim #v #saeran choi #queue

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samurailovewriter · 7 years ago

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5 Love Languages: Inuchiyo

Sorry for the absence! I’ve managed to write up one more (gigantic) essay about the next love languages for Inuchiyo this time. Honestly, this is HARD. I find this harder than assigning them MBTI because technically speaking, every lord in the routes express ALL five of these traits to MC and the people around them, so finding what matters MOST to LEAST is quite a challenge.

Please keep in mind this is COMPLETELY SUBJECTIVE! You are free to disagree! :)

1. Acts of Service

I finally chose Acts of Service based on an overarching view of Inuchiyo as a character instead of looking for specific examples. If there’s anything Inuchiyo has neverending support when it comes to the MC, his friends, and his lord, is that he always pledges and provides services often without being asked. Sometimes, it’s the little things that matter the most. Even though all guys offer MC to help carry her things or help around the restaurant, Inuchiyo is noticeably the one who does it without saying a single word. He just takes the groceries right from her arms, puts himself to work at the restaurant without anyone saying anything, and biggest of all: brushes it off as something that he’s always done and should be expected. It’s not even a “no problem” sort of attitude. It’s literally “I always do this, you know that”. It’s so instinctive and automatic for him to provide these sorts of services to those around him, but keep in mind it’s reserved ONLY for those who REALLY matter.

If there is a specific example I must provide aside from all the small things he sprinkles into the story, it probably has to do with Inuchiyo’s service towards Nobunaga. In the MS, he was temporarily demoted as punishment by his liege lord, yet that didn’t seem to bother or waver Inuchiyo’s loyalty in the slightest. Instead, that only served as inspiration to INCREASE the amount of services that he provided to Nobunaga, much more than he was required to do.

Last thing I will say about this matter – Inuchiyo pays close attention to the amount of work and chores the MC does. Maybe this has to do with the fact that he lived with MC as a teenager (MC a child) and know firsthand on the work that entails with keeping your restaurant as well as being a chef, but he’s more aware of when MC is actually overworking versus when MC is just doing her usual rounds. He pays attention to the details of those area, and always tries to make up for the extra work she commits by repaying her with some work of his own.

2. Gifts

I think one of the best part of Inuchiyo’s stories is the amount gifts play into the storyline, and how it is something very intimate and special between MC and Inuchiyo. Does anyone remember the storyline where Inuchiyo was basically Santa Claus? Aside from the fact that continuously fulfilling the MC’s wishes is essentially an “act of service”, it is also at the same time a gift to be given – to not only her, but also ALL the other kids (poor guy must’ve been so tired and couldn’t wait for the winter season to be over).

More specific examples include: Inuchiyo keeping and cherishing the mudballs that MC used to make as a kid, him keeping her favorite flower that she pressed for him, him feeling sincerely very bad about losing it in the battle, him feeling especially touched when she sewed the gift he gave her into his armor to keep as a good luck charm, him literally CHOOSING A HOUSE for her as a gift (including the fact that her favorite flower would grow naturally there) and then making a flower crown to put on her head (with one of the cutest proposals to ever accompany it). Gifts mean a lot to Inuchiyo, and the gifts he gives also shows how much he cares about people. He doesn’t just give things to give things. He pays attention to the items that people really like and chooses them accordingly through that.

3. Physical Touch

Physical touch is third because even though he has admitted to committing physical acts that leaves no emotional depths behind, it still mattered enough for him to rarely have done it. Aside from the trio of virgins (Masamune, Mitsunari, and Yukimura), basically all the other lords have had sex at least once before their time with MC. In fact, Inuchiyo has admitted to having sex before, but in his private thoughts have confessed to only done so twice, and each time left him feeling kind of empty inside and thus dissuading him from having sex with others afterwards (Oh, I hope he’s not locked himself in for the other storylines where he definitely does NOT end up with MC).

Consent, though a worthy and thankfully common theme amongst all the other stories, is more heavily emphasized in Inuchiyo’s. Part of it comes from the fact that he was about to do something he would really regret in his MS where he got terribly drunk, but at least in the ES, it comes from the fact that Inuchiyo’s very big on respecting MC’s space. He knows kissing, cuddling, and ultimately, making love, is a very big deal for her, and at the same time, means everything to him. As a result, she’s the one who tells him when she’s ready for certain things. She goes to him for cuddles, she pulls him close to kiss, and she has no qualms of giving him hugs when he’s feeling down.

4. Quality Time

So this was hard to put in the fourth spot, but I finally chose Quality Time as second to last not because he doesn’t provide quality time, but rather the amount of time he spends with others isn’t a direct comparison to how much people matter to him. I think the best example to provide here is the relationship he has with his older brother. Their relationship with each other is complicated, but I think it’s without question that Inuchiyo cares VERY MUCH for not only his older brother but also his clan. And then he runs off and disappears for YEARS, but in no way does that absence decrease or even eroded away Inuchiyo’s feelings of loyalty to his brother. He doesn’t need to spend time with someone to remain emotionally connected, and his tendency to run away from things that he can’t handle emotionally also adds to the fact that quality time just might not be at the top of his list.

My other example would be Inuchiyo’s guilt with his hand in the death of MC’s father. After his death, Inuchiyo physically distanced himself from MC’s family, and thus also effectively gave them less time to be together. She stopped seeing him stop by as much, something that her entire family consistently notes throughout the stories (except the one where he gets together with her and returns to the family). Does him doing that in any way actually diminishes the amount of love and care he has towards her? Literally 0%. That is why I put

5. Words of Affirmation

Granted, Inuchiyo’s Words of Affirmation being last is FAR from the way Ieyasu’s Words of Affirmation being last. Ieyasu might have an overall lack of trust in words, Inuchiyo is simply not too great at it. Because let’s be honest, he’s not the most eloquent guy neither is he the smartest. It’s easier for him to use actions instead of words to get his thoughts and feelings across. He is the epitome of communicating through one’s fists (especially after this ES, where he couldn’t get what he wanted to say through Yukimura and opted to fight it out instead). As a result, he’s just not good at words of affirmation. In fact, sometimes, he says the EXACT OPPOSITE of what he’s trying to convey, resulting in some comedic arguments between him and MC (as well as him and Hideyoshi until the two actually fight).

And honestly, Inuchiyo doesn’t really need words either for MC to show her love. Her presence, her gifts, and her seeking him out for comfort and the physical body is enough to make him happy. Words don’t need to be exchanged between the two to strengthen the relationship in comparison to some of the other guys (though sometimes, yes, they both need to voice their thoughts a little clearer as well).

#samurai love ballad party #slbp #love language #Inuchiyo

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crimsonrevolt · 6 years ago

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Congratulations Taylor you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Selina Sapworthy

↳ please refer to our character checklist

Taylor! We are so excited to see you take on a muggleborn for the first time. The way you’ve written Selina, she’s unlike any character we’ve seen from you before and we’re really interested to see how you develop her and how she’s going to add to Aversio and the roleplay.

application beneath the cut

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

It’s Taylor! 19, going by female pronouns and in the EST timezone

ACTIVITY

I’d say probably about the same as it is now. I do have my dips every once in awhile, but I have a pretty decent system to stay caught up.

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

It was an Andromeda Black tag originally, but I’ve been here for almost two years.

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

I think I’m probably a combination of Harry and Ron. In a lot of ways I relate to them both in different ways; Harry I relate to in his upbringing and family always being difficult and more toxic than anything else - but his need to take care of everyone else, and sarcastic nature are also things I relate to strongly. And, with Ron, the feeling of being a failure or not living up to anyone else, that deep insecurity and the way he lashes out when he’s been hurt I understand a lot, especially since I get older.

ANYTHING ELSE?

Nothing I can think of!

IN CHARACTER

DESIRED CHARACTER

Selina Adira Sapworthy

Selina - In French the meaning of the name Selina is: Latin caelum meaning sky or heaven. (x) Adira - of Hebrew origin, and the meaning of Adira is “strong, noble, powerful” (x)

FACE CLAIM

Emeraude Toubia

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

When I started to consider the idea of going for a third character, there was a list; on the one hand, I thought the idea of playing somebody truly dark would be fun to go back to. But then, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that as fun as writing truly dark characters (ie, Bellatrix) can be, it wouldn’t be a new challenge. And I wanted a new challenge. So I began looking through all of the open characters and came to the realization that writing a Muggleborn is something I haven’t done in far too long. So I began looking at open bios again, and Selina drew me in instantly.

The more I looked at Selina and began to really think about it, the more that she started to really speak to me. Here you have a woman who is so determined to make a difference that she never stops pushing herself to meet expectations that she places on herself. And they aren’t easy expectations by any means; she’s incredibly intelligent because being sub-par at anything makes her skin crawl. She’s so well-rounded and well-versed because to do anything less than would be a disservice to the gift she was given. Because that’s what being a witch is to her, a privilege. Here you have a woman who, as a child, was loved but felt ordinary. And then she turned eleven. Then, she received a letter that changed her life. Suddenly the world opened up to so many new possibilities, so much new knowledge and opportunities for the young wide-eyed girl. Not taking full advantage of it would be the worst thing that she could do.

Selina’s intelligence was something she fought for, wanting to immerse herself in whatever she could possibly find about magic. Her family was entirely Muggle, it wasn’t as if they could ever teach her about it. If anything, they asked her about it more than anything else. She was the student who self-taught so she could debate with her professors during class - the first degree ‘self indulgent, insufferable know-it-all’ that Hermione is so frequently referred to as. There’s a reason people groan when Hermione raises her hand and recites things from memory: the staff has seen it before. In yet another Muggleborn Gryffindor who could be too smart for her own good.

She was never a stranger to the bigotry that came with being of Muggle heritage; people scoffed at her, every insult in the book was tossed at her. More than once Selina was told her blood was dirty, that she had no place in the magical world she was part of. For awhile, it got to her, but with time she realized that if anyone was without in the wizarding world it was the elitists that were afraid of anything they didn’t understand. That was when her skin grew thicker, and she decided if she was going to be seen as a disgusting Mudblood, she would go all out. So she outsmarted everyone she could find, made every Pureblood in her class despise her solely because she could. It became a sport more than anything else, proving she had just as much right to being a witch as anyone else.

But then she left school, and the war started. Suddenly her quick tongue and determination to hold her own put her family’s life in jeopardy. Her parents were going to be defenseless against magic if anyone chose to go after them, and it was as terrifying as it was disgusting. She sought out alliance the first chance she got. It wasn’t her fault Aversio got to her first, but she didn’t ever regret it. Joining the 'rebel forces’ gave her a chance to gain protection for her family - her parents and twin brothers, a set of siblings ten years younger and clearly a surprise. Selina vowed to protect them no matter the cost, even made an Unbreakable Vow to the organization. She fell into something that she couldn’t ever step out of, but it kept her family safe. And with any luck would end with change, making sure Muggleborns and anyone else could life freely.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Selina views romance as a waste of time in the current state of things. What good would falling in love do her right now? She has enough to worry about, trying to assist Aversio and win the war so that she won’t be indebted to anyone anymore, so her family can be free. Viewing herself as a woman, and being damn proud of it, and a firm believer in equality, Selina is pansexual but in the times she lives in, probably just considers herself someone attracted to anyone. Sex is a good way to blow off steam, but it’s no time for romance.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER:

Pinterest Board

Playlist:

Nightmare - Arshad I’m living in a terrible nightmare This wicked little game I never wanted to play An answers gotta be somewhere out there Equations need solutions and we’ll solved it today

Deep Water - American Authors When it pulls me under, will you make me stronger Will you be my breath through the deep, deep water Take me farther, give me one day longer

Believer - Imagine Dragons I’m fired up and tired of the way that things have been Second thing second Don’t you tell me what you think that I can be I’m the one at the sail, I’m the master of my sea

Where the Lonely Ones Roam - Digital Daggers Meet me in the gutter Make the devil your friend Just remember what I said Cause it isn’t over yet

- Leaving Hogwarts, Selina was sitting in a pub one night, angry at the way things were going when she was approached by one of the original Aversio members. It was then she was introduced to war and made a snap decision. She would join the war efforts if she could protect her family, so a decision was made. Selina would be among the brains of the operation, using her intelligence and loyalty to assist ending the war and they would, in return, protect her family. An Unbreakable Vow was made in secret, something she refuses to allow anyone to know of. But the risk of her family being hurt or killed keeps her loyal, changing her more than she expected.

- Selina goes on to write several books on Herbology and Divination, and is eventually honored in a portrait hung inside of Hogwarts castle. While these books haven’t been published yet, she works on them by continuing to study. Sometimes her work is used to assist Aversio, but her notes and research are scattered on stray parchment around her home. She isn’t sure what she’ll go use it for yet, but someday it’ll be put to use. That much she knows.

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it: “Ooh, hm…if I could, I would probably create a potion using Devil’s Snare. Oh, don’t give me that look, it can have its uses. It would be used for similar causes to Veritaserum, only instead of causing the drinker to tell the truth, it would punish them for lying. The Snare could constrict their insides if anyone tried to use deception. Of course, there would probably be a counter-solution to undo any damage from being too severe, but it could be useful, especially in current times.”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you: “I think I’d like someone like Aurora Sinstra with me if I was ever going back into that forest. Yes, I said 'back’ - I did have my moments of rebellion in school, let’s move on - and other than my wand, I think I’d like to have my potions set. You wouldn’t believe how much is in that forest that can be useful in creating new things.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make? I find most decisions to be relatively simple in our current go of things. Though, I suppose…finding moral grey areas in situations where you have to find a way to be fair. What seems reasonable to one may not be to someone else. For example, I don’t see why anyone should make alliances they don’t plan on following through on, especially when you should know what you’re getting yourself into when you decide to pledge loyalty to something.

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you? That I was a coward. Mock my blood all you want, gods know nearly everyone has. But I’m no coward, I follow through, I fight. That’s all there is to it.

REACTION TO LAST EVENT DROP

Selina is angry. She’s distrustful of the Order and the alliance of Aversio, not understanding why anyone would wish to align themselves with people who don’t ever seem to do anything but make plans and sit on their hands. The fundraiser offers a chance to gather intel, but only if done correctly. And while the propaganda against Rodolphus Lestrange is hysterical, it only draws more attention to people who don’t seem to have a plan if retribution occurs. A firm believer in always having an idea of what you’re getting yourself into, Selina can’t help but think everyone around her has lost their minds and is growing more impatient by the day.

WRITING SAMPLE

The hall was dark and empty as she trudged along, her boots echoing on the wooden floors providing the only source of sound. On both sides of her flanked burly wizards she recognized by face alone. Her escorts into a situation that could no longer be backed out of. That was what Selina reminded herself of as she entered, finally recognizing the wizard who had recruited her in the first place. No turning back now.

He raised his eyebrows expectantly as she made her way into the dimly lit, otherwise vacant room. The men who had shown her in shut the door, one standing beside it as a guard while the other raised his wand and began twirling with boredom between his fingers as he watched Selina and his boss take each other in. A lump formed in her throat as she remembered what she was about to do, but she was quick to force it back. There was no time to dwell on it now. All the secrecy and hushed plans had been leading to this. The promise that her family - her brothers, her father, her mother - would be protected was too powerful to pass up. They could never know what she had agreed to, would never understand. Selina herself, nineteen and defiant in all other forms of life, still had trouble with it.

Still, when presented with his hand, she placed her own inside. The third wizard raised his wand and gold coils began to wrap around Selina’s arm, connecting her to the man beside her. It was an uncomfortable feeling, one that never in her life had the young witch expected to ever feel. She had never believed there would be reason for an Unbreakable Vow, not until rumors of Muggle families dying had become more frequent. Lost in her thoughts, trying to adjust to the discomfort that accompanied the magic circling her arm, she barely recognized when it was her turn to speak. It was only when the man she was vowing loyalty to cleared his throat expectantly she snapped out of it. “Repeat that?” She managed, stumbling over the words while trying to keep her voice as steady as possible.

And then there it was. The question. Do you promise to remain loyal, to assist our cause in whatever ways possible, as we proceed into the new age of war against Britain?

There it was. The lump again. There could be no turning back now, should she decide that this wasn’t what she wanted. If someday she was asked something she couldn’t do, it wouldn’t only be her own death but the possibility of her family’s as well. That reminder served to steady her, the golden cords only seeming to tighten, anticipating the response.

Holding her chin up, Selina made sure to look both men directly in the eye before answering. “I will.”

#accepted app #HP RP #skeleton rp #lsrpg

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kado-maschine · 4 years ago

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How to be alone?

Everyone has problems right? Those who don't, either don't understand what the term problem means, or they are inanimate matter, but even inanimate matter has problems too because of entropy.

Anyhow, my scariest bogeyman is that at best I can't make a relationship work, and at worst I even avoid the chance of having one. Why? If I want to put it simply, fuck knows. Thing is that I'm not gonna put it simple this time, as what I have learned from fake news propagated by Russian troll armies is that everything that is simple, sensational and easy to understand is not very productive apart from having the intention to muddy the waters and serve a very select few by doing so.

Since my interest is to clarify things for my own good (and maybe help or at least entertain others), truth is the name of the game with this writing (whatever it turns out to be). If there will be no other benefits, at least I’m going to be able to cross off the mental task off my imaginary to do list.

One day, after having a rather enjoyable horse at the vet sensation, as I went to bed I had the same sensation that I was having as a child on countless occasions when I couldn't sleep or woke up randomly during the night. The bed, the sheets and most importantly the pillows felt like they are made some rigid, abrasive material, that is also disgusting. It felt like being embraced by disgust and bitterness. Normally my bed and I are best buddies, I love to sleep and I had no problem falling asleep on a beam bag in the middle of the office, during business hours. The chemistry was also supposed to help, not to deteriorate. Fast forward a few weeks while sitting on the bed and drinking a cuba made of free rum and overpriced PEPSI from the hotel's mini fridge I'm trying to figure out, when and why was I having problems with sleep before and when was I sleeping like a baby and why. In recent history, since my memory is one very slippery slope, the answer is a no, a no regarding detectable issues with my sleep. It is a no, as long as all the nights spent with gaming, night shifts or digging through obscure forums to find a track in a mix somewhere between minute 53 and 57 are not considered. Reflecting on the whole experience described above, I must have had trouble sleeping when I was a really small child and I was missing a lot. As I was growing up things got gradually better. By the time I was in high school the wardrobe have been conquered and turned into my gaming nest. The gaming room hosted my first gaming pc that I built piece by piece from a shitty Athlon that dad got screwed over by some "friend" and beloved games that kept me glued to the screen for hours on end. After the PC came my first car, job, girlfriend and slowly but surely as I moved away from my parents my own life really started to take shape. I have slept better and better. Now, armed with a mortgage, with two cars that possibly cost as much put together as a front bumper for a brand new BMW M3, two cats who are by far not the smartest but they keep me company and are cute af, two bicycles, a bunch of computers and a job that I'm grateful to have and one that fits my questionable attitude towards work, I yet again arrived to the point where the quality of my sleep is degrading faster than a space capsule entering the atmosphere, despite all the the things listed above were part of what I was dreaming of as a child and teenager/student.

Despite all of these, I'm oscillating between two states when it comes to sleep. One is the depression sleep, after taking a long hard look at my backlog that reaches to the Moon and back at least five times, taking a nap seems to be the only viable option, or multiple naps, or a humongous sleep where the only thing that can get me out of bed is the need to pee. The other one is the let's try to solve all of my problems in a purely theoretical manner, right before sleep, going over the same problems over and over, while making wild conspiracy theories about myself, because of the purely hypothetical setting. This mental kung-fu under some circumstances can turn into the above mentioned “being embraced by disgust” thing. How did I get here?

I've seen people being happier while having a lot less. What is that they have and I do not possess? Intimacy, I guess by the power of exclusion. Of course I could just short this whole thing before it gets off the ground, as a self-proclaimed good capitalist. I could say that If I can make enough money, someone will fake it for me for the financial benefit and as long as this someone does the thing right and tricks to my brain, I couldn't give less a of a fuck, or could I? Anyhow, with my current work ethic of extracting as much resources as possible form as little invested work as possible puts a cap on my earnings that limits my financial possibilities to roadside STD intimacy. Shut up! - screams the humanist from somewhere between repressed emotions and avoided social responsibilities. You have to make things work, otherwise you're just treating the symptoms, but the root cause remains and will re-surface over and over again - he continues. Now, call me Susan and you know the rest... A multitude of attempts were made to solve this mess, so I kept failing in various ways. Yes, my now my mantra is "failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, success, failure, failure, success". Despite this attitude, one can only take so many failures before feeling exhausted and gets worse at the task on hand because of said tiredness and fails even more. People also tend to tell me that I need to learn to be happy alone. Please, shut the fuck up. Despite my shitposting, which i find genuinely funny, good and somewhat toxic way of escapism, I can be happy when I'm alone. Just to bring one example to the table, the road to this very hotel room where I'm writing this whatever right now, took me through one of the twistiest mountain passes that gets you outside of the Carpathian basin, the road goes through the city of Cheia (BV) and it has dozens upon dozens of hairpins one after another and miles upon miles of narrow, twisty roads with a bunch of elevation changes. My right foot just couldn’t care about fuel consumption. With my tires squealing in almost every corner and I was laughing loudly in the car, spanking the dash and shouting "ohh yea" while I could let the steering wheel loose for a few seconds. Dancing alone in the living room when the track of the week or month hits out of the blue, or when the right people at the right party are found to have "deep" conversations about whatever stupid topics that our brain soaking in whatever cocktail finds to be fit for purpose. The thing is, if one spent somewhere in the neighbourhood of six years trying all the gizmos and distractions of the modern society to make him or herself be happy without intimacy and succeeded to some extent, but at the same time realized that hundreds of thousands of years of evolutional biology and al the workflows tied into it cannot be cheated in a lifespan, what are the limits for being happy alone?

I have reached a point where the things that cause me unconditional pleasure are getting very complicated, time consuming, expensive or dangerous, like buying car parts, pushing transportation devices to their limits, gambling with bs crypto currencies or trying to learn skills with a heck of a learning curve, not to mention experimenting with chemically induced changes in my brain activity. I have also reached a point where it gets harder and harder to trick my biology. The ape says reproduce, while this in the modern era where global warming is prevalent and innocent eyed orphans are making t-shirts in Bangladesh for next to nothing in a sweatshop, while China’s rivers deliver more plastic to the oceans than water kind world makes no sense. I could at least fool the ape with just having someone around and occasionally making love or engaging in other forms of intimacy. At least the thresholds would be closer and it would be a lot simpler to fool the inner ape and the hormone levels wouldn't need to filled up with lies that much. Besides the raw biological teardown, having someone around as a partner where the positive interactions outweigh the negative ones could be the basis of a symbiosis between two humans.

If some intimacy / sex / company would help, why I’m not having any? - the question poses. In theory, the ins and outs have been mapped out. It all started, as it mostly does, during childhood. The marriage of my parents went totally south when my sister was born and I had 4 years, so my long term memory just started working. This meant that my memory had no part of seeing a single act of intimacy of my primary caregivers towards each other, just shouting, aside from my grandmother and my favourite aunt giving me a hug sometimes. It was a real battle zone where a few hours without shouting were far and few between. This and a lot of other shit that my parents were haunted by, courtesy of their own pasts gave me exactly zero knowledge on how to read woman. I’m basically fucking blind. Even if I was any good at maths I would loose count of the occasions when someone told me, “Look at that girl / woman, how she’s looking at us / you” and I had to ask where to look, in terms of general direction, not to mention the ability to pick up small signs. How do I see the sign, if a year or so have passed since we ’been together and I didn’t know the eye colour of my first girlfriend. Sounds surprising right? Well, when batshit crazy is considered normal for the first 20 years of your life, climbing out of that perspective has quite a learning curve. If that learning curve weren’t damn steep enough as is, add a stupid decision to it, and be very disciplined about that stupid decision for years, and the shitstorm will be near perfect. But I come back to the near perfection of the shitstorm in a bit.

First of all, how about that first girlfriend and the stupid decision? I think I might have been 18yo when I had my first kiss and I was 19yo when I met my first girlfriend. I would have never ended up her boyfriend if I wasn’t drunk on a particular party and were just kissed by another girl who was into me boosting my morale, the cherry on the top of the cake being that I knew from a friend of my sister that my would be ex was into me. All these factors played into the hand of a relationship that lasted two and a half years and could have been a major leaping stone for me. She looked gorgeous and a chemistry was spot on. We learned things together and I learned how and where and when to touch a woman. Since I was still in the grasp of the narrow conservative (small rural town, what do you expect?) mindset I did and said a bunch of things I’m not proud of. Hopefully she learnt more from those lessons as much as I did or even more. So, why wasn’t this relationship the bridge between my loneliness and the ability to have functioning relationships? Why instead of being a leaping stone I stumbled and fell into a ditch head first?

When it ended, the feeling was so shitty, that the most logical conclusion to my very simplistic mind was to avoid feeling like that again altogether, therefore becoming cold and distant become the primary guidelines. Six years of loneliness ensued. Going without sex, kissing anyone or hugging could be easily measured in moths or even a year. Months have passed between occasional one night stands, where the hunter was determined or drunk enough to not to care about my cluelessness, or the hunted was drunk enough to not to be totally unapproachable or clueless or both. Even if they were looking to turn the one night stand into multiple nights or maybe a relationship, due to the long stretches of loneliness and due to the weird sexual expectations that arose during said long stretches of nothingness, I felt so weird and ashamed of myself, that I turned down further invitations and couldn’t bring myself to talk to them. Basically, from their perspective, I had sex with them, than I disappeared in the ether. I have managed to show myself in a successful a-hole kind a way, while I felt like the most unlucky, ugly and talentless piece of shit (now that’s what I call “an achievement”).

Despite the fact that I found myself highly repulsive for a long time, hiding behind sunglasses and foundation I had enough self confidence to let woman try. And boy oh boy, they did try. Those who were more desperate were more determined, while those who had multiple choices open had a look, maybe had some fun and than left seeing the vast cluster of insecurities behind the sketchy façade that looked enticing from a distance, but fell apart upon closer inspection. People told me that I was good looking and I should have a girlfriend and I truly believed for years that they were only saying this to save face. Now, looking back, I’m starting to realize that I’m not ugly, I might even be good looking by some metrics. This realization came as the memory lane of old pictures was revisited again and again. Upon closer inspection all the woman around me, hugging me, giving me kisses on photos became evident. It is one thing that I couldn’t capitalize on any of that, but I realized, how lucky am I that genetics favoured me. Elsewise, if the gene pool wouldn’t have been kind to me at least in this department, I would be the most neglected man, considering my social and dating skills. Or the lack thereof, to be more precise. One thing to be grateful for.

Before this realization occurred, I shit you not, I had to realize first, that the policy I applied after I broke up with my first girlfriend was seriously affecting me. It was like one of those cases, when a temporary workaround is put in place for something, everyone forgets about it, than it causes a major shitstorm in the long run when something breaks down the line, messing up a forgotten but needed dependency. Before this realization life went by casually in a perfect state of cognitive dissonance, by not willing to open up for anyone, not willing to pay attention to anyone’s feelings and yet craving intimacy and blaming the world for not providing any.

So ok, during the time it took for the realization to kick in some amazing woman drifted away. ”What do you do now, you dumb fucking bitch?” - asks one part of the brain. “Well, you stand up, use less swearwords, or edit them out later and keep moving on hoping that each failure at least landed some useful experience points that can be used as a solid base for improvement.” - says the other. So this is how the journey of relationship 101 and emotion handling begun.

Phase 1. Trying to establish a relationship, but being emotionally unavailable.

There’s was a girl who added me on facebook after after a party and somehow I managed to puzzle the picture together. She was there, she saw me playing music, she liked me and she tried to reach out. We have started talking, we have started going out and we kept going out without me doing any advances for 3 moths, when she finally had enough and invited me over to her place to watch Narcos. That night was followed by a relationship that lasted approx two months when she kicked me out, calling me insensitive and unable to care for her emotionally. She was totally right.

Moving on, I drop a comment on some meme posted by one of the girls I met at the University a few years ago. She replies to my comment, I reply to hers, the discussion moves to chat. After a couple of days she tells me that she is coming home from abroad and we shall meet. I agree. The meeting happens, other things happen, we get along really well, meet two more times and consider ourselves to be in a long distance relationship. She’s very enthusiastic, wants to communicate with me, she’s being cute and I’m still 100% emotionally unavailable. When I finally decide to visit her, after dragging the topic for months, she cuts me loose. Rightfully so. Off course, I delete her from social media, and decide that whatever, I’ll make enough money so someone will stay with me for that, even if I’m an emotional iceberg laced with titanium (un-fucking-penetrable). What an utterly crappy response to being rejected, says captain hindsight.

Phase 2. Overflow.

Next up, wasted on party (but in a mildly good way) and another girl who remembers me from a festival that took place years ago initiates a conversation and I end up hanging out with her and all of her girlfriends. We party, we talk, we decide to go to an after at their place. Due to administrative reasons when I get there only one of them is there, so we start talking. Meanwhile people are arriving, chemicals are wearing off and kicking in, dynamics change. Finally everyone gives in and we sleep together. The next day (because the next days always counts from the moment when you wake up) we talk, have a long walk, I unload a mental excel of pros and cons about myself to her since honesty can only be good (later on my psychologist tells me the contrary, since what I do is scary and things should be let to unravel by themselves) and I leave town. After my short city break is over we decide to meet and she’s over at my place before I could blink. We start hanging out more and more. Even If I have the tendency to make the same mistakes over and over again, just to be sure that they are mistakes and I have mastered the recipe, this time I knew that I have to open myself up. The theoretical part was ok, as the plan was to move slowly and open myself up step by step over an extended period of time. Unfortunately the gap between theory and practice sometimes can accommodate a few light years in between, so all of the emotions that I managed to bottle up over the years managed to get out after only a few careful steps. She had her own problems, I had mine and they didn’t make a good combination, but a rather unfortunate one. Disregarding the fact that I have tried to invest emotionally, I still couldn’t care for her emotional needs. The whole thing blew up in my face, basically. Being blind to anything that is less obvious than she suddenly turning to me in the middle of the night and saying, “I have to go home”, and having the alarm of something is not right going off is not the hallmark of being ready for a relationship. Another part of the lecture was that revealing rating systems to woman about woman is a double edged ice cream that mostly licks back instead of being licked. For those who don’t view the world from an engineering / mathematical (call it as you fancy) perspective, there are people out there who measure and categorize everything. This in a relation means that the relevant parameters like, looks, intelligence (or the lack thereof), like mindedness, biological match, size of the cultural gap (if applies), financial and social situation are all measured on a scale and the weighted average tells if the other person is a match or not, and how good a match it is. Unfolding this information in my situation turned out to be a major no-no. Based on the very narrow sample, I was convinced that this is how it is and I should never again reveal my rating system ever again. Luckily, lately a friend of mine told me that his girlfriend appreciated this kind of approach, so the analytics based way of thinking is not my mental dead end, only it has to be used after a lot of observation and in the right situation with the right people as the “target audience” seems to be quite small. By the time we got to the point of me revealing my rating system, red flags were flying all over. Thing is red flags are easy to miss even with experience not to mention barely having any. When you add that up to the fact that you need a planetary alignment that occurs every 5000 years to be able to get close to someone, you also finally manage to let your guard down and you know that giving up on things is generally considered bad and dedication is king, those red flags are rendered inexistent in the quantum soup of thoughts. All of the above combined leads to the materialization of one very specific dynamic in attachment theory, where the anxious one is trying to get closer and to invest more in general, while the avoidant is getting further and further away, creating a situation where both feel frustrated. Fast forward a little (as the whole thing lasted two months), she cuts me loose and I have no clue how to deal with the tsunami of the emotions that are now very much on the surface and the pink cloud that acted as a distraction is gone and the withdrawal starts to kick in. A downward spiral begins that ends with being so desperate to escape the sensation of a panic attack being one mental “block” away that I start taking random meds and drinking, because at one point they have to override my emotions. I don’t want to kill myself per se, but I made peace with the thought that if I need to die to escape that state of mind, I’m fine with it.

Luckily since I’m an attention whore, I’m not doing this in total silence and even if I’m not being totally upfront about it, my friends and people who are not my friends but are nice people and just care realize that something is off and rush in to help. Their intentions are really good, however, most of them are not experts and just share their best practices. Five or six best practices in, one is confused as fekk. This confusion is that finally pushes me through the barrier to seek professional help. Luck was by my side as I found a psychologist I could work with from the get go. As we were moving forward with therapy I was still trying to resuscitate a very dead relationship. The contrast between my interactions with the therapist and my ex were miles apart. While I was still rowing the waters “make her feel sorry for me” and told her how I tried to get my overboiling emotions in check, scaring her tremendously, creating a mess of emotions for both of us, the how's and whys and the to-dos were very clear during therapy. At one point the psychologist said that “You see the situation very clearly, you are also very conscious about what you did and what are the possible ramifications of your actions and you also have a plan as to how to fix them, why are you here?” My answer was simple: “While I’m in a state of rest, where I’m not being cornered by my own emotions all is clear, however, once shit hits the fan, all of the logic that was nicely put together goes out of the window and I start acting borderline crazy”.

As the therapy sessions flew by and the links to my ex started to fade, things ere starting to stabilize. All that was left is what I call “light general depression”. Light general depression is exactly what its name stands for. It doesn’t contain joy (apart from chain-smoking, watching tons of YouTube videos about video games and cars, binge eating pizza and ice cream and drinking herculean amounts of rum), existing feels bad and pointless, but it is not terrible, there are no big ups and downs and existence in this state can go on for extended periods time. As one of these days passed by as experienced from the warm hug of an unnecessarily long bath I randomly texted a friend to see what is she up to. She was hanging out by herself, drinking and asked me if I wanted to join, so I did. By the time I got there another woman was at the table. Nothing special, we introduced ourselves and carried on drinking. I did not find this new addition to my pool of acquaintances physically attractive, that under normal circumstances could have been a trigger, however she was very intriguing. As the alcohol levels in our blood gained an ever larger foothold, the discussion suddenly turned into one of those that go down the rabbit hole of serious emotions and life experiences. I love these discussions (hence the experience, wink wink), they are the bread and butter of why am I socializing. It is almost pointless to say that as the discussion turned into the two of us going on a philosophical rampage about depression and explaining the how’s and why’s to anyone around us the spark went off. Finally, as the night came to a close and everyone said their goodbyes only the two of us were left walking the through the streets bursting with nightlife telling more and more intimate stories about ourselves. As we reached her place and said goodbye I got stuck in the mental loop of what to do after a meeting and discussion like this. Luckily she promptly bypassed the situation by shaking my hand and telling me something along the lines of “till next time”. The next day the temptation was simply irresistible not to stalk her online. By the time I got a glimpse of her through her profile her friend request already landed safely.

She left town for a few weeks (if I’d be religious or into spiritual stuff, I’d say there’s a link to the previous relationship, luckily I am not, life is just hugely random), but we agreed that I would take her to party when she comes back, since she haven’t been to one since her son was born. Meanwhile I also found out that she had what she described as a “sort of boyfriend”. While all of this was unravelling my brain dripping with curiosity kicked me into higher and higher gears as my taste of the unusual and complicated got ever more triggered. Finally the day of the party came and it was the best party I ever attended where I didn’t like the music at all. We really connected. Looking back at that level of connection, I couldn’t tell if we were really alike in some terms and hugely different in others, or she is just simply darn good at showing what people would like to see. A few days later she invited me to watch a movie, we watched the whole movie without me totally being unable to do any advances, again, unless we finally decided to sleep. Things happened. That night was the starting point of a journey that lasted 7 months and included lots of love, lots of desperation, living together with ex boyfriends, handling a spoiled 4 year old boy, discussing and trying to come to terms with a father that got lost in the ether, lots of calculated action combined with a shit-ton of impulsivity and lot more. What I learned in this relationship about trauma, falling victim of compensating for trauma, overusing resources without considering the future, keeping something useless and counterproductive in your life just because it makes you feel superior, utterly useless - clueless and spoiled people, the consequences of being inconsistent in a child’s education hopefully could fill pages on its own, If I managed to learn something. All of this is still just scratching the surface. The full and detailed version of said list serves material for more writings as this paragraph could go on for dozens of pages, but it won’t to avoid further side-tracking. Also, some of these lessons still need processing time for the sake of being able to paint a picture that is more accurate rather than soaked with emotions. What is certain is that at least one writing (if not more) about overprotective parents running the risk of handicapping their children, involuntary hostage taking and kindness as a useless perk if not accompanied by other skills will come at one point. With the this pitch out of the way, let’s get back to the relationship itself. To put it simply, there was this man, dressed in black from head to toe, wearing black nail polish occasionally, being a strong proponent for nihilism and putting himself at risk for the excitement of being exposed to risk while also testing all sorts of limits because an “engineer” has to know the limits, right? During the course of a few months this man had a child seat in the back of his car, learned how to micromanage educational failures by measuring, not just feeling and truly cared for the wellbeing of a few people. He had the impression that he found his place in a world where he previously tried to fill the void by proving the pointlessness of life through reckless (and very fun) activities. Thrusters were set to 110% as the pink fog of “this is it, we have to commit and do this” descended on the brain cells locked in a hormone fuelled frenzy. Finally I experienced a Christmas where I felt happy and loved instead of trying to avoid conflict and hating the world in general.

While I was working on getting myself involved in a hot, crazy mess, thrusters 110% on, I happened to stay at my former flatmate’s parents for two days. I love going there, not just because it served as a perfect base for a weekend of partying, but it is one of those places where a family functions in a symbiosis, not co-dependence. Very-very-very fucking important difference. I love to see how people interact with one another when the main driving force is not fear, but understanding, where attachment comes from the light, not darkness. Even now it makes me to slightly tear up to know, that family can be good, not something to avoid as much as possible, if handled properly. Sights like these give hope. Anyhow, before this detour gets too big, I had good chat with my ex flatmate’s mom where she told me “Kado, don’t look for woman who fit you best, look for someone simple who is capable to learn”. Objectively speaking, this was the best advice I ever received about dating. Worry not, this will not be left unexplained, jut not right now.

So with this advice in mind, the weekend ended and the quest of getting myself deeper into the murky waters of chronic co-dependence was back. As the first few months of the relation flew by and we went from low profile affair to we’re together now and everyone should know about it, more and more details emerged of an ex that could only commit to a relationship when the imminent loss of her partner is present. It also became clear that his incompetence serves as his major attraction, since a man that is kind, but lacks any purpose and logic to derive any said purpose is highly desirable for an ego that cherishes being superior. It became evident how this dynamic eroded seven or so years of the than “woman of my dreams” into a quagmire. My nativity was strong enough to redirect the previously mentioned thrusters to pull her out of the quagmire by the power of micromanagement. The end result hovering in the distance was that my help could propel her to regain traction. As soon as she will be in a better place and I can get just a bit more of those tiny glimpses of her former happy self, we’ll be on track to create what we referred to as a “power couple”. However, one thing that flew under my radar and finally led to the demise of this premise was an important conclusion drawn after years of being a cog in the corporate machine. Never give 100%, maybe at the beginning, but not even then. Not to talk about 110%, as no person can operate on those levels for months on end, unless driven by amphetamines or coke, but that will take an even higher price in the longer run. If one still decides to go down this path, burnout will be just around the corner. When said burnout meets with someone who needs therapy rather than relationships, shit will go down. Empathy will run out after the same mistake leads to the same crisis for the zillionth time, emotional attachment generates fear in conjunction with each re-occurring crisis and “the you shouldn’t do this, you should do that” tone prevails. The thing is, if I look at my ability to get very cruel, cold and calculating when feeling emotionally cornered as gift or as a curse, it doesn’t matter, it still happens. Detailing to a mother how others managed to solve something with relative ease that she couldn’t or barely could and that she should do this and that, in that situation is a major no-no. I think when it comes about parenting, egos flight higher than Icarus. As one of the cornerstones of empathy is to try to put yourself in the shoes of others, I tired imagining how it could feel like if someone, dunnoh, attacked me because I can’t do maths for shit, or that I have a tendency to abandon my plans. In conclusion, the grey matter sitting inside this skull that is producing these lines might just feel comfortable when it comes to shedding ego. Whit our dynamics auto optimizing themselves to counteract one another in a pretty toxic way, the inevitable happened. We agreed that we can’t understand one another no more, therefore it was time to break up.

In order to minimize the pain a full communication lockdown went in effect to add another twist to the Covid-19 lockdown. This combined with making a few new friends while doubling down on substance abuse spiced with getting into relapse territory with other woman got me ticking along. I think it is pointless to say that this mechanism used for calming emotions wasn’t the best. First, natural coping mechanisms were obliterated even before getting a theoretical shape, not to talk about trying them and maybe getting some experience, second, these coping mechanisms took their own toll on my body and psyche and third, they crumbled in the very moment when my ex reached out to me to normalize our relation as two human beings who happen to know one another. It only took a few hours for the stream of emotions to turn into whirlpool of anger and darkness where my criminal mind flourishes. And boy do I have a criminal mind. When the going gets rough it isn’t like I can’t control myself and start shouting, and throwing things around. No-no, it’s not like that at all, but it is like making plans, evil plans, plans that would make a drug cartel hitman nod in approval. The way these “solutions” from the dark end of the spectrum interact with checks and balances look like: “what I would say of a totally unrelated person who does that” or “what were the consequences if my plans were revealed and such”. This time, all these impulses distilled in ever more frequent and strategic use of creating constructive ambiguity by selectively revealing secrets and manipulation. The cherry on the top was put in place when she reached out to me when she tried to re-establish post breakup communication, consisting in grabbing all sorts of dark echoes that race through my mind, amplifying them and revealing them to her in order to make sure that she’ll be convinced that I’m a horrible, dangerous and aggressive person underneath, therefore she’ll never attempt to communicate with me, ever. It wasn’t nice, at all, but it was violence free apart from me running my mouth and it worked, for a while.

So far so good, the plan worked great. I made friends with new people, both offline and online and I had a few who were interested in me and maybe still are (as you might have noticed so far, can’t really tell). The plan was to get some mileage into the game and get more experience points and to learn, for which diversity is essential. There was a week where I had 4 dates, with 2 happening on the very same day. Result? Let’s not call it a total fucking bummer, but let’s go with a “valuable lesson”, ok? Why? One person stood out and everybody else faded into the shadows of absolute zero interest.

People who intrigue me are the ones that I feel a longing for. These are the people who have my instant and unconditional support as soon as they ask, these are the people I’m paying attention to and these are the people that I use as examples to follow in certain walks of life. So, there was one date who stood out and baaam, just like that, interest for anyone else vanished like lines from a broken phone screen at a rave. This one person turned out to be someone who exploits life just as I do, or even to a greater extent when the conditions are set. She likes adrenaline, playing around with thoughts not being afraid to be cut by some rough edges, going fast, views substances as mere tools, not like something good or bad and last but not least, she is the best looking, besides ticking a few other boxes. Did all the positives yielded a relationship or even a one night stand? Absolutely not. Was this a problem? Maybe from the perspective of my reproductive instincts, but from any other perspectives, it was interesting at worst and beneficiary at best. There are a bunch of people who tell good and bad Tinder date stories, however I haven’t heard a single one up to date that could match the level of renovate a bathroom on a tinder date. The bathroom turned out to be something both of us are showing with pride and I have learned about the ins and outs of tiling. It was also refreshing to see when a relationship between two people is based more in rational thinking than dragged by emotions, as it was the perfect contrast for my ex girlfriend who basically managed to turn a life of success into a quagmire by giving the executive powers to her unhinged emotions.

What have we learned?

When a bunch of things fail to be turned into happy factories, let it be hedonism, creativity, hard work, sport or other kinds of hobbies, all kick in the feeling of “geez, I did that, but the I have to get to the next level to evade boredom and constantly levelling up is hard work” so doing literally anything gets turned into a chore. Shitting and washing ass can feel like a chore, just like hanging out with friends can so one inevitably pulls out the good old question of “is my brain just unable to make the happy stuff and if so, what’s the purpose of living?”. After talking with quite a few people who contemplated suicide, or people who lost a loved one to suicide, one thing was clear from the get go, I will not hang myself. Based on the frequency of suicide by hanging I can only conclude that people either have a huge imbalance between being emotionally driven or just simply being very sick and incapable of any rational thought. Why? Death by suffocation combined with the rupture of the spinal cord sounds like the worst thing ever. On the other hand, driving into a solid concrete wall at any speed near 100 km/h is guaranteed death. Driving into a solid wall at 200 km/h is massive overkill and it could be proven as an accident which could make lives for relatives easier if tricky life insurance policies are in place. Finances aside, there are other policies in place for reasons like seeing the misery of those who get left behind to live and let all the people who I consider idiots to outlive me. Like seriously, if some have been labelled as idiots by some metrics of mine and they outlive me, it means that my metrics and the logic based on those metrics was flawed, proven by my very demise.

So yea, what do you do when relationships don’t work out, you can’t seem to obtain them and self destruction is also off the table? Well, since we’re all caged to some degree due to the pandemic and I already raised my alcohol tolerance to stellar levels, it was the damn time to get myself busy. To really dig into my job and to force myself to do tasks that I have just passed to someone saying I can’t hack it, to start reading stuff, to start learning stuff to start exercising and most important of all, to create routines. Routines are awesome. If nothing makes sense, at least that nothing is done on a regular basis and the very fact that nothing amounts to anything if done on a daily basis is kind of a feet and gives a chance to dopamine production.

I have also learned that having sex after a hiatus of 10 months doesn’t improve things as much as I thought, which is good, because it also means that things do not degrade a lot from prolonged abstinence.

Where to now? I guess I’ll just try focusing on myself rather than trying to please others by forcing myself into the “normie puzzle”. I’ll leave myself open for options, since it would be rather counterproductive to Sméagol hiss away anyone who tries to approach me, but it might happen nonetheless.

And one last bit before I cut this writing short at the 11th or so page... If you’re interested in me, do something. Playing the get hard card just plain simply won’t work. If I don’t get any feedback like in a 50-50 distribution style I’ll feel discouraged and move on. I’m also plain stupid when it comes to decoding slight hints (as I’ve hinted at multiple times in this text). Be blunt about it, otherwise it might go totally unnoticed. Last but not least, if you’re not interested, please don’t fekking smile at me and more importantly don’t touch me. I know, theoretically that people can be nice with one another without wanting more, but it doesn’t work for me. If you do that, I’ll reach out to spend more time together, you’ll gonna reject me and I’m going to throw you on the pile failed attempts that is getting ever more poisonous and has a high chance of totally wrecking my mood by the time someone genuinely interested would come about.

I might also try to get more disciplined since it took me more than five months to throw up these characters. I sincerely hope that I wasted your time in a way that some part of what I wrote resonates with you, maybe helps you or you found it amusing at least. Peace out.

Update: some things have changed since I wrote this piece, I got new pieces of information and the story of my craziest adventure got a healthy boost. However, if I were to re-write and edit this text in accordance to all those things, it is highly possible that it would never come out. As one of my favourite hot rod builder puts it “Lower your expectations until you reach your goals”.

#relationships #depression #learning #development #desperatio #hope #lessons

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