#please dont age poorly

[charmac]

[natjennie]

local girl got so so invested in a media company again. boohoo.

[kayden-i-guess]

Gotta love when your feed is bombarded with a fandom you are not in but desperately want to be a part of

[therealaysha]

why is everyone in this show being so weird about max’s transition…….. “you’re giving up the most powerful thing……. being a woman” girl what 😭 he just wants top surgery like dont piss me off lol

[sonicrainbooms]

CAITVI SHIPPERS RISE!

ok starting arcane s2!

[cherrycokedup]

Bro what happened in the nevercord?? I am not a part of it but still curious

EDIT: please look at @thelesbomancer ‘s post/reblog, and @gothwineaunts ‘s post about this situation!

please defer to your own judgment when it comes to this, and don’t use my post as the end all be all! Those two posts have much more information on all of this! This post was made as this all unfolded and might be out of date (also turning off reblogs because i’m not an authority on this )

i'm gonna be careful not to name any names here because I don't want to start a hate train and I'm looking at all of this as neutral as possible and also please please please don't think of this like a call-out post or anything, it's not! I still think you can be a fan of rnf and support their work, this is just why I'm chosing to take a break from doing so!

Content Warning below for mentions of explicit content being sent to minors ( by a server member, not RnF, THANK GOD )

i don't have all the details but basically, someone was banned for sending heavy nsfw/pornographic images to minors, and then was unbanned later on because of two reasons

one: the children the images were sent too were banned from nevercord for varying reasons ( closest explanation I remember is about these kids doing witchhunts, whatever that means )

two: the evidence was apparently "unreliable" and heavily censored.

Also, the minors themselves didn't report this information, an adult did with screenshots, censoring the users of the kids.

The offending person claimed that they never knew the ages of the people talking to them and thought they were all adults, even though at least two victims from my knowledge have come forward and said the person did, in fact know their ages. The only age I've heard for sure was 12 years old.

My problem with the situation arised was when Red, the writer of Nevermore, posted a lengthy explanation that was pretty poorly worded. She used phrases about the situation, such as "egged on" or "cried wolf" about being sent this sexual content, saying it was the job of minors to stay safe on the internet. I was raising my eyebrow at that point, because the whole thing sounded rather victim-blamey.

Red then said that the evidence was faulty and suspicious for being heavily censored ( i don't know the full extent of the censoring ), and because of the fact it came from one person, an adult who was friends with some of the people who had been banned, implied reporting that behavior was all some sort of tatic to get one person they didn't like banned.

When a ton of people were (understandably, in my opinion) very upset by this response, including the victims, and other neutral parties, Red got very upset and started lashing out. I understand It had to be a stressful situation, having tons of people talking at you at once, but she started saying rather guilt tripping things, such as "I'm a horrible person then" "everything I do is actually for evil purposes", stuff along those lines. Admittedly, the situation was pretty upsetting to me, so once Red started saying those things I left. I might return to Nevermore one day, if there's signs of change and the like. I still deeply enjoy the comic, and the community! I don't think RnF are horrible people, I just think they worded this very poorly, and then continued to lash out when it didn't go as excepted lmao I'll grab some of the screenshots I took, and ask if my friends have any to add! If anyone else has anything to add about the situation, please do so in the notes or reblogs! I'm just saying my perspective here, and why I chose to leave! There might have been things I missed! screenshots below!

anyways, those are all the screenshots i have on haha, again for the millionth time I dont want this to become a massive big drama

[v10l3tz-thmblr]

A new friend.

(please dont let this age poorly when the game comes out ☹️)

| reference from the trailer ! |

[j1mmys-darl1ng]

October 14th - quicksilver (smut)

Pairing : peter maximoff x reader

Warnings : MDNI!! DO NOT READ IF YOUR BELOW THE AGE OF 18!!

P in v, unprotected sex, peter talking you through it, no aftercare, human vibrator

A/n: im actually really struggling to write the rest of the fics, this is literally meant to be out tomorrow at the time of writing

DO NOT BLAME ME FOR WHAT YOU CHOSE TO CONSUME, ITS YOUR FAULT IF YOU READ FURTHER

Peters room was the go to hangout area for the two of you. It was usually the right temperature, he'd have a stash of snacks (of which were mainly twinkies), a few warm blankets for those cold nights you stayed over. It was always perfect.

That leads you to this night. Peters head was resting on your lower stomach as both of you were watching some crappy movie, mindlessly playing with the hem of your shorts.

You could feel his shoulder pressing against the one spot that had been aching for him all day. Every shuffle from him, you have to stop yourself from squirming, trying to get more pleasure from it. Surely he doesn't feel the same way.. Right?

"hey, you ok?" you hear peter ask you, your head giving a small nod, adjusting your position. Thats all you needed for a small whine to slip past your lips.

That stupid damn smirk. Of course he has that stupid damn smirk after hearing that.

"what was that noise?" he scoots up, his elbows proping him up so now his face is mere inches away from yours. His stomach putting pressure on the area you needed him to, causing you to squirm slightly.

"..nothing..?" you knew he wouldn't let it slide. His warm breath was hitting your face, his lips oh so close to touching yours.

"bullshit" before you even registered it, his lips were on yours. You couldn't help but kiss back, your hands going to his hair and pulling him closer.

✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭✭

After a few minuets of making out, he begins to slip your shorts down your legs, kissing your thighs as he did so.

"god... Your gorgeous.." he groans, not waiting a second to rip his sweatpants off. He was so hard it looked painful, it looked like he would rip open his boxers.

With a blur, he's alright inside of you, his lips against your forehead.

"someones excited huh?"

"cant help it that ive waited this long" he chuckles, pressing his lips against yours once more but this time hes slower, beginning to thrust.

He starts of by being gentle, not wanting to use his mutation to its fullest extent just yet. He was pepering you with kisses anywhere he could reach, nuzzling his face between your breasts.

"you dont have to go soft on me, y'know? I can take it" you huff, getting a bit frustrated at the lack of speed from the guy that is literally known for speed.

"sorry princess" he chuckles "just dont wanna hurt ya'"

With that, he begins to speed up, his hands massaging your hips and thighs.

Not even a few minutes later, hes going x10 faster, his face burried in the crook of your neck. You had never thought he'd be the typa guy to whimper but he is definitely disproving you now.

His hips move in a blur, bringing you to the edge way faster than you'd thought.

"... Ugh... Keep doin' that... Please.." you whine, hands pulling his hair and your lips leaving sloppy kisses on his shoulder.

"wasnt plannin' on stoppin'.. M' pretty girl" his nails dig into your hips, his cock twitching against your walls as they begin to close in on him.

"AHG! Fuck... Shit" he grunts, his seed painting your walls white. His thumb sneaks down and rubs your clit, sending you over the edge and cumming around him.

"... Holy shit..." he huffs, his sweaty body collapsing onto yours.

"... That was amazing.." you tell him, only to realise hes fallen asleep cuding you.

A/n : sorry for how rushed and poorly written this is! Jaytober is kinda making me loose motivation especially since i dont have much free time to do it anymore and my mental health just loves to take a head first dive into depression

Thank you so much for reading! <3

[chrliekclly]

if you ever want to talk about your thoughts on joyce .. Peeks over the corner of your blog. i love talking and hearing ppls thoughts on joyce sooo much even if they're different from my own!! and your analysis and stuff is always so well thought out

i hope u dont mind if i answer this publicly to take advantage of th request nd get my ideas out ther (also tyvm im happy u like my insane takes on these idiots, iv ben thinking abt them for almost 10 years)

i said a lot here so gnna 'read more' it

iv ben building trans charlie n my head fr, like i said, nearly 10 years. i used to view him as cis bcuz i always try to take as much frm th source material as i can wen i craft my HCs nd i had v personal (stupid) hangups insofar as him explicitly referring to his junk multiple times nd bottom surgery simply not being on my radar as a naive littl trans idiot deep in th sauce tht transmen oftn fall into w phallo being viewed so so poorly

evn still i leaned towards transmasc charlie nd always lovd moments tht let me imagine, for a moment, it being true, like his discomfort w taking off his shirt [hundred dollar baby, charlie kelly: king of the rats, the gang exploits the mortgage crisis, young charlie and mac deleted scenes, etc etc etc], or bonnie yelling abt ppl stealing her "charlie-girl" [the waitress is getting married] which i lovd to see as her accidentally misgendering him while drunk off her ass.

having grown out of my phallo issues (nd if ur reading this and u still view phallo super poorly, please do some research and grow too), ive in recent years fully subscribed to transmasc/nb charlie, and view his timeline something like this:

baby -> elementary: charlie refers to himself as a boy, doesnt "come out," simply has no idea he's afab. bonnie lets him dress however he wants and refers to him as asked. when charlie gets confused about his genitals, bonnie says his dick will grow in later lol, makes charlie wear a dress in public restrooms and tells him its just a game

middle: puberty hits and charlie gets confused and scared. bonnie puts him on blockers w.o explaining them ("my mom used to vaccinate me like every month" [the gang gets quarantined]) charlie goes on content and oblivious. STP acquired because hes "a late bloomer" and his dicks still not growing in?? weird. confides this in mac once, but he doesn't understand.

high: charlie finally registers that he's trans after forgetting theres a health class 1 day and not being able to skip it. throws him for a loop a bit but he becomes actively invested in his goals. he gets to start T and wants to have surgeries. "what guy hasnt done some extensive research on his own genitalia?" [mac is a serial killer]

college (aged): able to surgically transition (ty medicare) and continues on with life as we kno him now

joyce, imo, fits neatly into these views.

as a transmasc nb who came out young nd prefers to be seen as just A Guy by strangers, i grew up v vehemently against anything girly that might get me misgendered, but th more i began to 'pass,' th more @ home n my body i felt, th more and more comfortable i am w femininity, th more i wdnt mind putting on a dress, as long as th general public wd see me as "a man in women's clothes." n my mind, i prescribe something not exactly th same but v similar to charlie.

i see charlie "i dont really identify" kelly as afab and nb. i see joyce as a "character" he originally created to distance himself from the dysphoria of putting on a dress as a young trans boy, but that became part of him as the hard lines he drew in the sand as a child became blurry with age and self acceptance. charlie's comfort with himself allows joyce to evolve into a more solid persona, one he enjoys embodying and allowing to become a permanent facet of who he is. he's ok with being referred to as either. they're both him.

so maybe joyce comes out a bit more outside of the bathroom now.

[ecofear]

what is your onion of the taash questline if you are comfortable sharing?

ok so ive found out i actually havent finished the ENTIRE questline. just the main part of it, i think ? i finished up to taash's mother dying .

so... i

i rate it poorly. i need like more time.. to digest it . i also.. have a very hard time with this because while i am nonbinary i am just a white british person . i dont have a mixed heritage or culture . i am just white british and not even a cool british like gaelic i am English ...... as plain boring white bread as u can get.

so commentin on the heritage vs culture choice u are given is hard for me beyond that it makes me feel uncomfortable to have to pick for someone. that is not my place. it feels very wrong of me to have this power over someone . when i first was given a choice i said embrace being multicultural. cuz like that feels.. obvious. its beautiful to come from multiple cultures and being pieces of them . thats so cool and awesome to me. and then being forced to pick was so not cool and very not awesome.

in terms of the nonbinary stuff ... the more it got mentioned and brought up the more i disliked it. i don't know how much people will agree with me here so bare with me. it felt very on the nose, unnatural, even the word nonbinary didnt seem like it fit. i feel like they were lazy. i feel like they should have made a new word , maybe even a new concept , to work within the dragon age setting. that maybe was specific to rivaini culture that taash heard from another lord of fortune and it felt right . idk. they could have integrated it better to the world of thedas. i felt.. pandered to . i felt like they were saying hey look, hey. hey thats you right. doesnt this make u feel seen and happy . please ignore the weird racism and focus on this

i could have loved taash i think. but i don't. i barely like taash. i feel like taash is a scapegoat. a mouthpiece. that sometimes taash says and does things that don't feel natural to the character cuz taash isnt talking, bioware is. this gets even worse when you take into account lord of fortune things like selling back cultural artifacts to the people they belong to and bioware going "dw its ethical and ok! trust us!" but they have taash say it and it feels wrong, off and weird. like.. out of character? idk it's strange.

taash is a strange character. i dont think bioware actually respected them as much ... i think they used bioware to push this weird anti qunari narrative and to pander to queer people while being weird and racist and idk. idkdidkdikdksoldfgjzsdlff

i need someone who isnt white and who is smarter than me and better at articulating than me to write a think piece on this. while i am the right person for the nonbinary stuff. theres pieces here i am not the right person for. and i dont wanna speak over anyone. or be the voice for anyone when i shouldnt be. but i will say ...

if i can see how gross this shit comes across , how on earth are the people of colour who are actually effected by this bullshit feeling? they shouldnt be exposed to this bullshit . bioware should do better. hire some diverse writers man . get ur shit checked and looked over by poc before u push it out. ur game shouldnt be hurting minorities . they deserve better than this shit STILL happening . ive got too many friends and mutuals pained over taashs story and angry about it. that aint right. it just aint right man

and yeah like i said i havent 100% finished it, it seems, but i dont see the majority of this changing or any of it . i am uhh "burnt" as it were, i do not think bioware can fix this feeling inside of me

this got rambly i hope it makes sense

[its-no-biggie]

okay i just finished rewatching fma brotherhood and can we please talk about how fuckin 15 ed is. like lots of anime protagonists are 15 but ed is *so* 15.

like- he needs to disguise the car so he makes it into a 15 year olds idea of a really cool car, and its so cringe the adults force him to change it. he makes ling a sword and puts a little skull on the handle (for literally no reason except that he presumably thought it would be cool, even though they were in the middle of getting their asses kicked by envy) and then gets defensive when ling calls it lame. he gets riled up unbelievably easily over NOTHING. his fighting style is scrappy- hes experienced but not disciplined, and he'll use whatevers on hand to get the job done. he'll mess around in the middle of a fight, use unnecessarily flashy moves/weapons, and hes just generally a nuisance in combat. he gets really flustered when people insinuate that winry is his girlfriend, and then when he DOES confess to her 2 years later he uses a fucking alchemy metaphor because hes a NERD.

im saying all of this with affection by the way- hes a cringe 15 year old because 15 year olds are cringe! i feel like most of the time these high school age protagonists are basically just adult characters with more naive ideals, or theyre a bit more emotional, or they have "childish" interests. ESPECIALLY with these high stakes action-adventure stories, where the fate of the world is in their hands. but a kid can have the weight of the world on their shoulders and still handle their emotions poorly, act recklessly, goof off at inappropriate times, and generally think and act in a way that adults wouldnt. and still be mature and competent characters! i mean, ed is a GREAT protagonist. he has a full understanding of the stakes and he knows how and when to get serious. but he also does shit like breaking into a secret government laboratory, alone, in the middle of the night, with no plan, and nearly gets himself killed in the process. because hes a reckless kid! and if he HADNT done that, they never would have found out the enemys plan in time!

and its just so perfectly executed- instead of childish traits being sprinkled on top of adult problem solving and emotional regulation, him being 15 informs how he acts all the time! sometimes this is a good thing because he solves problems in a unique way, and sometimes it causes even MORE problems. its a fundamental aspect of his character that contributes to both his strong and weak points.

and my absolute favourite part is that hes still treated like a person worthy of his title and reputation- not only by the adult characters, but by the narrative itself. but he isnt treated like an adult either! the adults around him dont talk down to him, but they also dont have adult expectations of him. theres a whole bit about how the adults shouldnt stand by while the children are on the battlefield- insinuating that while the children are worthy of standing on the battlefield alongside them, they also feel some responsibility to lead them since theyre the adults. which is super reasonable! its probably the best take on adult mentor figures for child main characters ive ever seen.

and yeah theres an argument to be made that it was pretty fucked up of mustang to recruit ed to the military at 12 years old. but he was super upfront with him about what it would entail and didnt force him into it. so watching it as an adult, yeah, its fucked up. but the target audience is kids and thats how kids want to be treated! yeah its a lot of responsibility, but ed knew that going in AND he has a huge support network of trustworthy adults who are looking out for him. hes fine. and hes DEFINITELY better off than most high school age protagonists, who are just sort of thrust into high stakes, life-threatening situations with little guidance. the dynamic is less "you are The Chosen One who will singlehandedly save the world" and more "i mean you certainly have the skills and we really appreciate you working with us but what the fuck is a child doing in the military. who authorized this?? youre going to get yourself killed PLEASE be more careful!" and like. if youre gonna have a show about a 15 year old saving the world, then thats definitely the way to do it.

and what really seals the deal is how pissed ed gets when people treat him like a kid. thats the most 15 year old thing ever! he FEELS like hes being talked down to and disrespected just because hes not given the same expectations and responsibilities as the adults. watching it as a 20 year old im super impressed by the way the adults treat ed, but i can also understand why ed gets so frustrated. its the nature of being a teenager and thinking you can handle more than you can. which really just solidifies how fuckin 15 he is

btw im not saying ed is the only well written teenager in the show. hes just the clearest example- hes so LOUD about who he is and it makes it really easy to talk about his character traits. also hes like my favourite character ever and i just have to talk about him. so like al and the rest are also really convincing kids, and a lot of this stuff kind of applies to all of them! im just talking about ed because i want to lmfao

[subspacekisser1]

Hi (poorly made introduction post)

INTRODUCTION POST

• Call me whatever you want I dont mind lmao (My close friends usually call me "Suis") oh and also I use any pronouns

• And no, im not telling you my age.

• Im from Indonesia

• PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF LORD. DO NOT SAY ANYTHING NOR POINTING OUT MY USERNAME. (in a negative way)

• Im a self shipper, I do it as a coping mechanism:)

• Subkit/Medspace shippers, please kindly dont interact with me at all. (If you are my follower and has subkit/medspace related stuff on ur account, I am most likely wont follow you back ^-^)

• I dont really have a DNI list (except for subkit/medspace shippers), just be a decent person please.

• I mostly reblog + very active here

• I use the website version

• I WILL reblog everything Phighting/Subspace (x/+) reader related

• Im super nice I swear

• IM AN ANGST HATER!! DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT BRINGING THAT TOPIC TO MY PAGE!!!!!!!

• Subspace haters DNI!!!!!!!!!!! /j

• Roblox username: ItzMaroonChan

Anon:

-🫧 anon

-helper anon

tags I use (I guess):

#subspacekisser1 (for most of my post)

#suis' unhinged art (for my.. art)

#suis persona ref (self explanatory)

#suis' oc (for my OCS)

I guess thats all!! (I will add more if I have the energy to) psstt.. I also run @subspace-trip-mine

Graphs by: @/tx-event

[creative1writings]

Hi!

I hope you week has been going well. Could I request a Platonic SMAU where Kenny has a daughter (15 or 16), so Levis younger cousin. Kenny, just like he treated Levi in canon, treats her poorly and harshly, so as she often does, she texts Levi (still canon age of 33) for help because she looks to him as a figure of support and the only family member who she feels actually cares. Please dont write this if you dont feel comfortable though, have a good day! <3

A/n: my week is going good! I hope yours is going wonderfully! I hope this is what you were hoping for, if not please let me know and I'll write it better. I can turn this into a mini series if wanted. Thank you for the request! 🤍

Pairing: Levi×cousin!reader, Kenny×nephew!Levi

Warnings: mentions of harsh punishment. (But nothing is detailed)

[ell0ra-br3kk3r-writes]

A New Type of Beautiful

pairing: kaz brekker x reader

genre: fluff/nostalgic angst

el's thoughts: i said this was gonna be self-induglent and it is. i've been struggling to come to terms with growing up and this is my way of coping and i hope you find entertainment out of it haha also this was very poorly edited 'cause i dont want to put myself through that right now edit: everyone is aged up so let's just pretend that the ice court and all of the happened when they were a bit older

The sinking feeling finally settled in Y/N’s stomach as they unpacked the last box. Jesper and Wylan finally moved out, and sure she used to joke about needing Jesper out much sooner but now it actually happened. Next Inej takes off to sail the world and Nina leaves for a big mission. They all have to say goodbye and she wasn’t ready for it.  After years and years of being with each other everyday and being strange teenage kids, they were growing up. Kaz always said they grew up already, all of them did. And of course that was true to a certain degree, but they also adjusted and they found a new way to still be kids. 

“Thank you all for helping us move!” Jesper spoke loudly, addressing the group of friends. “Now get out of our house!” Wylan slapped him across the arm. “Please and thank you.” Chuckled were heard amongs them as they all walked out, wishing the two farewells and statements of luck. 

~

“What’s wrong?” Kaz asked as they took their coats off and settled back into their shared room. Y/N froze for a split second before continuing her way to the bathroom, “Nothing. Why’d you ask?” She could feel his eye roll directed to the back of her head as she splashed her face with some water. Sighing, she dried her face and walked to their bed, throwing herself down dramatically. “You ever wish we could just freeze time?” 

Kaz looked at her with a small fond smile, “Yes.” 

“I wish I can freeze time and we can all just stay together. No Jes and Wy moving out. No Inej and Nina leaving. No…” She shook her head to get rid of her last thought. She still couldn’t talk about they’re lost friend. “‘Cause soon we’re all gonna be gone and only see each other during summer if even that.”

“We’ve been grown up, and we all have to go our own ways eventually. You knew this.”

“I know! Is it so wrong just to whish I can have a few more moments with everyone?” She didn’t mean to raise her voice so she took a deep breath, “Just go back and not worry about what’s ahead of us all? Who knows what could happen to Inej and Nina.” 

Kaz thought through his next words, not wanting to upset her any more and understanding where she’s coming from. Ever since they first met Y/N’s had a sense of youthfulness about her than never seemed to leave. Through out the years the part of her that never wanted to grow up stayed with her. 

It would annoy Kaz to no end but eventually he grew fond of it, no matter how hard he tried to fight against it, it helped him stay present in certain moments. Moments he would’ve missed and later on regretted if he would’ve stayed locked up in his office but came down to join the crew with Y/N. She was the best of him and he tried everything in his power to protect her, but this was something he couldn’t and it killed him. 

He looked back to her and sighed when he noticed the tears forming in her eyes. He walked to her side and sat beside her. She looked at him and sat up, leaning her head on his shoulder and cried. They sat there in silence, Kaz just holding her as she cried. 

Y/N eventually came to terms that there's nothing she can do to stop time and she just needed to accept growing older. And she would, but she just needed a good cry first. She needed to feel heard, understood, validated. She wasn’t fearful or childish, she was just content with the stage of life they were in. She didn’t want anything to change. She wanted the beautiful childhood they had created for themselves, but she’ll learn that growing up brings a new type of beauty. 

A new type of beautiful that she’ll experience with her loved ones in a new way. A type of beautiful that she’ll grow to be content with as well.

~*~

tagging: @juneberrie @jahayla-parker @maliciousbrekker @brekkers-desigirl @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @mad-elia

[ponysongbracket]

Worst MLP Song Tournament

Please listen to both songs before voting. Remember you’re voting for the WORSE song.

Cooking by the Book (Pinkie Pie) Propaganda: Not only is it short, poorly sung, and completely interrupted - THE LYRICS AREN'T EVEN ORIGINAL! Lazytown invented this lyric ages ago!!

Mad Twience Propaganda: dude listen to it. idk i think the vocals really dont mesh with the backing track P-e-r-f-e-c-t! This song is super tacky! ??

[autogynocrat]

So what’d it take to accept yourself as being trans and stop giving a shit about the potential repercussions that might’ve come out of that?

LONG POST INCOMING! PLEASE BARE WITH ME! IT IS VERY RAMBLY! BUT I HAVE A TL:DR AT THE END IF YOU DONT HAVE THE PATIENCE TO READ IT ALL!

i had been grappling with the existential dread for years that "one of these days you will be too old to be a femboy, people won't think it's cute for a 35 year old man to dress feminine, they'll think its creepy. you're getting older and aging like a man more every year and soon you will be just like the sissies boomers in poorly fitting dresses that make you so uncomfortable.

you're going to have to give up and become a regular man soon" in 2019 i thought i had accepted my fate, and hoped i could at least age gracefully. i had previously suffered from recurring boughts of discomfort and disconnect with my body, particularly the shape of my jaw, shoulders, and the beard(the beard was the worst thing, it would leave me paralyzed for weeks during the summer every year, ever since around age 20 i have wanted laser hair removal). but it was the though of having to give up and live the rest of my life as a man that was the straw that broke the camels back for me.

but only one year later thinking about it started giving me a really bad identity crisis, i started crying and panicking whenever i thought about how i would have to live as a man for the rest of my life, it was genuinely horrifying, and i felt like "twinkdeath" was creeping up on me, and i found that if I actually wanted hormones it was extremely easy for me to obtain them with just a little bit of my discretionary spending.

i had been talking with some of my trans friends about my issues with gender, that i didnt really feel comfortable as a man, even though at the time i felt like i could never be a woman, some suggested i could be nonbinary. i remember before i finally bit the bullet i talked to a friend who was a transwoman about my gender issues, and after finding that what i was going through felt very similar to what she went through before transitioning, i decided "well, theres nothing wrong with me at least trying hormones, if i dont feel better i'll just stop, its better than being forced to live as a man for the rest of my life"

during the early months of my transition, maybe even the first year and a half, i still kinda identified as a "hrt femboy" or a "nonbinary bigender boygirl" bc i did not feel like i was a real woman or anything, i was just taking estrogen because it alleviated the bad feelings and made me feel happier with my body. i wasnt sure about having boobs yet but i considered it an acceptable tradeoff because everything else made me feel good about my body. i did however, look into SERMs(a type of hormone regulator that can supposedly block estrogenic activity in the breasts) and even briefly used some.

HOWEVER, july of my first year on hrt i got my fateful job at mcdonalds. this period i actually unironically feel like shaped my gender identity to some degree. during the pandemic we all had to wear masks so nobody saw my clocky man chin or anything like that, they just saw my effeminate estrogenized little tits and my beautiful eyes. i got she'd a lot, called pretty, told i was a sweet girl by customers who liked me, and even customers who didn't like me still acted like i was a girl, as they called me a stupid bitch, and said shit like "she got my order wrong" "she was rushing me" stuff like that. being perceived as a woman felt good...i started to identify more with that

a couple times i doubted i was really trans, had some kind of imposter syndrome, that A)i was a fake trans because i denied it for so long, or B) that i didn't DESERVE to be trans because i used to be kind transphobic at times. i tried to stop hrt. every time it didn't take long before i became super dysphoric and decided go to back on it. after a few attempts i kinda realized i belonged on hrt. and when my tits became smaller from attempting to stop i actually felt sad about it, thats how i realized, hey i actually like having boobs, its not a trade off, its one of the benefits

and then bridget came out in guilty gear strive. VERY CONTROVERSIAL thing because suddenly the femboy everyone liked was trans. but. the thing is. i found that very relatable. bc i was also the femboy everyone liked as a femboy, but was kinda trans now, and people who thought i was "based" before, were disgusted at me now. idk. i had a "shes just like me fr" moment and decided i didnt want to keep hiding behind being nonbinary or "hrt femboy" anymore, i wanted to be a girl too. so i just came out and was like yeah i'm she/her pls and my followers who still liked me were like "yeah everyone already saw this coming lol u arent surprising anybody"

anyways yeah the tl;dr is that i basically realized at 25 i could not bear to live with being a man for the rest of my life and i would rather transition than have to be a man, i would rather risk being hated, would rather risk infertility, rather than have to be a man,and it led me to talk to other trans people privately and realize oh hey its not normal for having stubble to send me into a massive depressive episode and thats actually gender dysphoria.