#please don’t triple dog dare her

[ahhhh-118]

What would Marianne do for 10 dollars?

Yay!! Thank you for the ask!!

In the 1920s $10 is about $150 according to Google, so she would jump off the Mississippi Bridge into to the river.

In today’s times, if you make a weird drink mix she’d drink it for $10.

But if the mix is downright horrendous, she’ll put you in a headlock or one of those twisty wrestler moves until you cough up an extra $5, $10, or $20 (or all three). 😭😭

[chaoticbardlady99]

Pinkie Promise? (Astarion x F! reader) MDNI 18+

Author note- this is specifically for @spitfireunhinged who wrote a beautiful little post with a concept that I adored. I hope I did it justice and you enjoy!

CW- NSFW, mentions of SA

Synopsis- You tell Astarion that you don’t think sex is as good as people say it is. Astarion is determined to prove you wrong.

*not my pic. Please let me know if it is yours so I can give credit

I rewrote this like 7 times. This draft is lightly edited, but I couldn’t wait to post it!

Part 2: I Triple Dog Dare You

Astarion had heard the phrase “pinky promise” before. It was usually between Leon and Victoria before Leon left for a hunt. She always made Leon pinkie promise that he would come home and Leon always swore it- his pinkie hooked with hers.

The whole thing made Astarion vomit, but he thought it was just a “them” thing since he had never heard it before.

Then you used it on him and he had hurt your feelings terribly. He had called you a child and then proceeded to mock you.

You had just smiled at him sweetly like you usually do, apologized for invading his space, and for crossing his boundaries.

When Astarion had come by an hour or two later to drop off a book he ‘borrowed’ (it was his book, but he wanted an excuse to talk to you again), he heard you sniffling and asking Karlach if you were a child. You were so upset by his judgment because you like him as a person and thought the two of you were friends. Karlach said that some people just aren’t capable of being nice.

Astarion found you after Karlach went to sleep and pinkie promised to never call you a child again (and that he doesn’t think you are a child).

Suddenly, it was your thing and it slowly became more enduring as time went on. A part of him was envious if Karlach or Gale offered you the gesture first and you would give them one of your breathtaking smiles. He wishes he could initiate it, but it feels far too intimate to him. Asking someone to promise him something? Perish the thought! No one can truly be trusted. Well- maybe you can be trusted.

Astarion doesn’t know when he became so infatuated with you and your existence. Maybe it was that first night at camp when the two of you got to know each other a little bit better. You hadn’t been able to sleep because you were struggling to adjust to the new environment. You asked him lots of questions that he honestly had struggled to answer, but you were actually interested in him- not just his body.

Astarion was beginning to crave your presence and he despised sharing it with anyone else. One time he even went as far as making you pinkie promise you wouldn’t kiss Gale when he had called you over. You had scoffed and said that is ridiculous because “Gale would not kiss you ever, yuck!” , but did it anyway.

Low and behold- Gale did not get his kiss. He’s tried since, but you have rejected his advances. Astarion likes to think it’s because you like him more- want him more.

So maybe that’s why he was quick to drag you away from the Tiefling party after you had made your rounds- not wanting to watch you be with another person a second longer. You let him take your hand and you giggle as he chastises you for taking so long to talk to everyone else.

“How dare my self-proclaimed ‘best friend’ spend so much time not in my presence!” Astarion melodramatically states, “I am hurt, Darling. I thought we had something special.”

You blow air out of your mouth with an eye roll and smile at him.

“Well of course we do,” you say matter of factly, “but I also knew the minute I went to talk to you that I wouldn’t talk to anyone else.

“I’m the fearless leader!” You say with emphasis, “Leader of the Freakshow- welcome one and all to the most traumatized individuals alive!”

Astarion’s chest bursts with laughter, “how very on the nose of you, my Dear.”

“I must keep all of us humble, my Sweet,” you say boldly.

He tsks at you and twirls you around, “I’m afraid you aren’t allowed to steal my lines- that is going to cost you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Certainly.”

“Name your price.”

Astarion pauses- right now doesn’t feel like the moment to go full throttle. He has more work to do.

“I need time to think,” he says lewdly, “there are so many things I could ask for, after all.”

You hum in agreement and smile at him coyly.

Maybe it’s because you are the first person he has actively sought out since he has been released from Cazador’s grasp.

Astarion guides you to a spot in the meadow he had found earlier. Well- actually he had followed Gale to it earlier- Astarion just found an even better spot like 10 yards away.

Gale had stupidly announced to Wyll around the campfire that he was going to ask to spend time with you alone tonight.

There was immediately not a chance in hells that that was going to happen. Gale found a nice spot in the forest- Astarion found a better one. Gale brought a blanket and wine? Pfft, Astarion can do that.

You stop in front of the blanket and wine before you look at him- a nice blush running up your neck.

“Is this for-?” You seem surprised.

Which Astarion finds very interesting considering you are from Noble society- shouldn’t you be used to being courted? Astarion is almost certain you’d have at least a hundred suitors.

“For you?” He smiles charmingly, “well of course, only the best for you, my Dear.”

You duck your head and you blush even harder. Astarion guides you to sit with him. You both drink the wine and talk. You ask him questions about himself and he asks plenty about you.

Astarion isn’t sure when the conversation turns into talking about sex- that had always been the original intention of the conversation.

“Sex can’t possibly be all that great.”

“Pardon?”

You shrug your shoulders and slightly slur the sentence again with emphasis.

“Sex can’t possibly be all that great.”

Astarion is shocked to his core. You flirt back and forth with him as if you’ve bedded at least a couple men.

“You’ve never?”

“No.”

“How?”

You look at him with a puzzled expression. You are staring at him as if he’s grown a second head.

Hypocrite. You’re the one spewing none sense!

“How?” You state incredulously, “you have looked at me right?”

Oh yes and I’ve imagined fucking you until you are screaming my name, but that’s beside the point I suppose.

“I’m nothing much to look at. I’m always the friend- never the girlfriend or the lover or whatever!” You emphasize with your hands, “no one has ever felt that way about me and if they have- they’ve never gone for it so I assume it’s just not that much fun.”

Astarion feels like he’s dying all over again. That was your assumption? Not that you might be horrifically oblivious because he’s only tried to to get in your pants several times. One time he quite literally asked you to come to his bed that night and you showed up with a book.

“Darling,” Astarion’s exasperation obvious, “I’ve been trying to have sex with you for a couple weeks now. Probably even more than that at this point.”

You stare at him with wide, unblinking eyes.

“You,” you stammer, “you want to? With me? No way.”

You laugh nervously, “you are beautiful and intelligent and-“

“No, no way.”

Astarion raises an eyebrow at you and smiles seductively. Your lips part slightly as he pushes you on your back and parts your legs with his knee.

Your arms automatically wrap around his neck- your pupils blown wide with lust. Astarion kisses to the left and right of your lips- grinning when he hears your huff in frustration.

“You sure do keen a lot for someone who doesn’t think sex could possibly be ‘that good’, Darling,” Astarion coos, you tighten your lips in embarrassment.

Astarion rolls his eyes at you and cups your face while putting his thumb in your mouth, pressing down on your tongue. You hum with pleasure and peer at him through hooded eye lids. Astarion feels his cock strain against his pants

“So, my Dear,” Astarion drawls, “do you want me to fuck you? Would you like to see all the bliss you are missing out on?”

You nod eagerly and Astarion presses his thigh against your growing heat. You whine around his thumb and you run your tongue against his skin.

Fuck.

“Are you going to be a good girl for me?” He asks hotly.

You nod- Astarion can smell your arousal and feel it seeping through both of your pants.

“Pinkie promise?” He says teasingly, pulling his thumb out of your mouth to hold out his pinkie.

You hook your pinkie with his and whisper, “pinkie promise.”

Astarion pulls you in for a mind numbing kiss- caressing your lips with his until you are keeping up with his pace. He feels your arms around his neck pull him in deeper.

Your kiss against his lips is sweet and intoxicating- for a second he completely forgets about the purpose of the evening. Astarion could sit here and just kiss you like this until the sun comes up.

Your breathing hitches and Astarion watches as you desperately try to find release by riding his thigh- your movements erratic and wanting. The sounds you are making fill him with excitement and for the first time in a while- he’s actually eager to be inside someone.

He realizes your moaning has become muffled all of a sudden and he looks up to find you covering your mouth- your cheeks and ears are bright red while you pant with arousal.

Astarion laces his fingers through yours and holds your hands down on either side of your head- your pupils are blown wide from lust. The galloping of your heart is like music to his ears.

“Oh no,” he whispers seductively, “do not keep those delicious moans of yours from me, Darling. You promised to be good, remember?”

“Y-yes,” you say between heavy breaths- this time you are the one to surprise him by closing the space between the two of you with a needy kiss.

Astarion unlaces his fingers from yours as he begins unlacing your trousers- quickly discarding them to reveal your soaked underclothes. He growls involuntarily as the smell of your arousal hits the back of his throat- you smell incredible.

Astarion could leave it at just taking your pants off for now, but Gods does he want to see more and if you are willing to let him, then he is not going to deny himself the pleasure of being able to touch and kiss every inch of your body.

Your shirt is next and you don’t even fight it- helping him get the article of clothing off and helping him discard his shirt as well. Astarion stops and looks down upon your naked form.

“Gods you are exquisite,” Astarion says as he begins to kiss down your naval, “open your legs for me, Darling.”

He leaves tiny love bites as he goes- wanting to make sure everyone knows exactly who you belong to. You are a whimpering mess underneath his touch as he presses his fingers to your clothed clit- teasing you slowly.

“Asta-“

You are cut off by your own sounds of pleasure leaving your throat as he slips your underwear off- slowly pushing one finger into you while playing with your clit using his tongue. A string of curse words leaves your mouth as he begins to pick up the pace with his fingers and basks in the way pleasure looks on your face, how your body is writhing for him, and the tumbling praises for him echo through the clearing.

He rolls your sensitive nub between his teeth and he has to hold your hips down as you keen underneath his touch. Astarion adds a second finger- still meeting some resistance, but you aren’t stopping him, in fact- you are giving him complete access using your tadpole right now (intentionally or not) and he can feel how desperate you are to feel fuller. Then he adds the second fingers and the euphoria that rings through your body goes straight to his groan. Astarion can feel his cock straining against his pants as he brings you over the edge with his fingers and mouth- your sweet pleasure dripping down his chin and his fingers. He languidly cleans his fingers off with his mouth, humming in delight while making eye contact with you.

Your eyes are half lidded and glassy- your mouth is slightly parted open. He leans forward and leaves a chaste kiss on them and begins unlacing his own pants- slipping them off and throwing them to the side- his underwear quickly following.

Astarion lines himself up with your entrance- your orgasm coating the head of his cock and he has to fight the urge to slam into you right away. He lines himself up with your entrance- teasing you. You look more nervous now than lustful and Astarion feels his gaze soften. He hovers over you and caresses the side of your face with his thumb. The last thing he wants is to start with you in the wrong headspace.

"Wrap your legs around my waist."

You obediently comply- your back slightly arching and your pert nipples are touching his chest. You sigh in arousal at the contact.

“This may hurt a little,” he says, “we can stop whenever or however much you need- we can stop completely and try again another time even.

“But do you want me to continue?”

You smile up at him with relief and nod coyly.

“I trust you, but please go slow,” you whisper.

Astarion feels a tightness in his chest when you look up at him. Your eyes are so vulnerable and of all the people you’ve decided to trust you chose him. Astarion is fighting not to dissociate- wanting to give you his full attention.

Astarion slowly begins to push inside you. You cry out and clutch at his shoulders- taking a sharp breath as he slowly sheaths himself inside you. Astarion has to fight the want- no need to go faster- you are so damn tight and Astarion is almost wondering if he should have done more foreplay.

He rocks in and out of you- making sure to check on your facial expressions. There are tears pricking your eyes, but your look of discomfort is becoming more and more euphoric as he keeps rolling his hips into you gently.

“Hells darling,” Astarion manages to moan out through clenched teeth, “you feel so fucking good.”

You whimper at his praise and Astarion lifts you up by the hips so he can get a better angle. He thrusts a minuscule harder this time and the whimper that leaves your mouth is making him feel positively feral.

“Astarion,” you whine, “ple- please I need more.”

You definitely don’t have to tell him twice. Astarion snaps himself up into you at a faster pass- your keening only encouraging him to go faster- both of you moaning and gasping while clawing at each other. For the first time in the last 200 years- Astarion does not want to stop. Despite the feelings that are always there, this may be the only time he’s actually experienced bliss while being with someone.

"Such a good little pup, aren't you?"

You clench around him at his words, you beg him to fuck you harder, and he drops your hips back to the ground before putting his face into the crook of your neck- kissing and praising you as you ride out your high.

“You were such a good girl for me,” he breathes into your air, “thank you.”

Your hands find purchase in his hair, tugging his lips to yours. If he needed air, the kiss would have suffocated him from how intense and wanting it was- the air between the both of you feels alive and Astarion barely registers that he’s finishing inside you until he’s collapsed on top of you- his head resting on your chest as it races in time with your breathing.

“That was amazing,” you say breathlessly and Astarion can’t help but laugh.

“I told you so.”

You plafully slap his arm and laugh- the sound filling his body with comfort. He can hear your heart beat begin to slow down and your breathing becomes deeper.

“Thank you Astarion,” you say sleepily, dozing off with your hands teasing his curls, “not just for this- for everything. I feel worth something when I’m with you.”

You yawn and Astarion tries to focus on the sound instead of the twisting guilt in his stomach. He cares for you too and that might be where he fucked up.

Your breathing quickly evens out and he is drowning in the smell of sex and rose water- a scent he heavily associates with you. Astarion stays there with his head on top of your chest- trying to get his bearings together. That was like no other sexual encounter he has experienced before- it was blissful- so why the hell is he about to have the melt down of the century?

“Shit,” you jolt awake, accidentally pushing Astarion off you- your eyes are still glassy “sorry I should probably not just fall asleep here- I’m sure you want to get back to your tent…”

Astarion pulls you back down and against his chest as if it’s exactly where you belong. The idea of you leaving right now makes his soul twist painfully. No, he needs you to stay. Existing is easier with you around- it has been since he met you on the beach.

“Stay,” he whispers, “please.”

There is a pause and he worries he may have overstepped his bounds. You look up at him with sleepy, kind eyes. If peace were to have a face- it would be yours.

“I’ll stay as long as you want me to.” You smile at him sweetly.

The word leaves his mouth before he can stop himself, “pinkie promise?”

You give him the biggest, toothiest grin he has ever seen. Astarion is certain you may be the single most beautiful person he’s ever met.

You take his pinky in yours and then place a soft kiss against his cold lips.

As you pull away, you whisper against his mouth, “I pinky promise.”

[a-little-birdie]

Coming out as trans.

Gonna do my best to keep this as neutral as possible!! If you want me to write a specific gender or the reader coming out as a certain sexuality lemme know!!

Tw. None really. The reader is a little nervous which is understandable.

It was a rainy night and your parents were out so you wound up hanging out in the sewers with the gang. You were all sitting in a circle laughing playing some simple party games, like two truths and one lie. You all knew what each others boundaries are and trusted each other not to cross them. So everything was always in lighthearted fun.

“Okay, okay, my turn, uhmmmm,” Mikey tapped a finger on his chin as he looked up at the ceiling thoughtfully. “Okay! I have never tried abstract art, I completed a lazar flip first try, and I have been training in the secret art of Mario Kart since I was seven.” He smiles at everyone, confident he’s going to win the round.

Leo scoffs. “Lazar flip obviously. That’s the hardest trick to do! No one can get it first try.” He waves his hand around nonchalantly before fishing around in the potato chip bowl.

Mikey shakes his head. “Nope! That’s a truth, Donnie was there for it!”

He points at his older brother who looks up from his screen at the mention of his name. “Hm? Oh, yes. I can confirm, Micheal got it first try.”

Leo looks at Mikey in astonishment and Raph hums. “Is it abstract art?” Mikey claps his hands and nods enthusiastically.

“Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ladies and gentlemen! We have a winner!!”

“Really? I thought you’ve tried every single art style out there?”

Mikey shakes his head. “Nope! I just don’t really get it, it doesn’t really speak to me like most art does.” He shrugs his shoulders, a lopsided grin on his face as he turns to you. “Your turn!” You blink on surprise and hug the pillow in your lap closer.

“Oh, uhm. Okay. Lets see. I love roasted anchovies and bananas on pizza.” You in fact hate it and everyone knows that. You tried it once after being triple Mad Dog dared and couldn’t finish a single bite, spitting it out immediately. “Splinters hugs are the best and…” you hesitate a second, nervous about what you were going to say next. Some small voice asked a whole bunch of ‘what if’s’ even when you know the answers to them. They won’t turn you away. “And I’m trans.” You finish your sentence and press your mouth into a thin line, waiting for their reaction.

They all look at you in surprise. Donnie had put down his screen, Leo stopped mid chew. They were all caught off guard. Raph was the first to break the silence. “Okay, cool! Have you figured out a new name or do you not want one?”

You shake your head. “I haven’t figured one out yet.” Everyone immediately lights up.

“Ooooo! Can we help? Please??” April asks her hands clasped together tightly, a large smile on her face.

“Sure, I’d appreciate it!” The chaos and laughter is back, everyone is spitballing names, cracking jokes, it’s great. You all continue talking late into the night. Even though you already knew they’d accept you, it’s really nice to hear it, to hear the support.

You fall asleep with a smile on your face, feeling safe. You have their backs, and they have yours. You couldn’t ever want for a better group of friends, because the one you have now is the best around.

[farmlesbians]

Want to get into Lucy ! Where do you think I should start?

i’d start from no burden and then go thru chronologically! that’s usually what i do when i listen to new artists my favs on that album are i don’t wanna be funny anymore, green eyes red face, dream state…., direct address, and map on a wall (i basically listed over half the album but its no skips for me it feels like a sunny day in august thats ALMOSSSSST too hot and ur in the direct sunlight cause lucy has such a warm voiceeeeeee) on historian my favs are body to flame, night shift, pillar of truth, next of kin, and historians and for home video my favs are triple dog dare, christine, hot & heavy, partner in crime (lucy told me her fav lyric was on this one!) first time, and tumbs (please stay too but i cant list every single song) i literally think lucy has zero skips though u cant go wrong with any song of hers + kissing lessons and my mother and i and her cover of dancing in the dark and it’s too late by carole king and believe by cher and and and and and and and and and i could go on forever i think she’s the greatest

[buddyhollyscurls]

Started on a prompt (Thanks again to the two lovely anons who helped me decide) and am posting what I have so far bc idk how I feel about it lmao

the prompt is to write something that includes the sentence I think someone is listening/watching us:

The first hazy memory that Camila had when she and Andy snuck into the Muentean mansion was that they had entered through a broken window, and once inside she almost immediately let out a loud, hearty sneeze.

“Sorry,” she had giggled when she saw the worried look on Andy’s face, “It’s way too dusty in here.”

“Just be careful,” Andy giggled back, “You’re gonna get us caught.”

Camila nodded and together they stumbled around the place, giggling and bumping into things. Okay, so they weren’t completely worried about getting caught. And truthfully, it didn’t matter if they were. Tons of people snuck into the mansion. It was said that a vampire lived here. A young vampire, newly turned, who fed on the people who tried entering. Yeah, right. It was more of a town tradition than anything. No one took it seriously, and it was something that punk high school kids did to get in the mood for Halloween.

Andy and Camila weren’t high school kids and hadn’t been for over ten years, but it had been a boring Saturday night, they’d been having drinks at the bar a few blocks over, and the next thing Carmila knew Andy had started a game of Truth or Dare where she triple dog dared her to sneak into the house. And well, you couldn’t pass up a dare, especially not a triple dog dare.  Alright, so maybe, she and Andy were still immature. But what do you expect from two girls who’d been best friends since kindergarten?

They tripped up the stairs, holding onto each other for mutual support and balance, and ventured into a large room.

“This must be the master,” Camila said as she bumped into the night table.

“Oooh,” Andy said in a mock, moaning voice, “I’m the dangerous vampire.” she put the bed’s blanket around her like a cloak and stuck her arms out like claws, “Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.”

“That’s Dracula,” Camila responded flatly, “Wrong vamp. And take that blanket off you it’s probably so full of dust.”

Andy rolled her eyes but did as she was told, “You know, you’d think with all the money this dude has he’d hire some housekeeping service.”

“Yeah, right,” Camila agreed with a shrug, “Go figure. But what if he’s not rich?”

“He has a mansion, obviously he’s rich.”

“I guess so.”

“Anyway, I’m getting bored. And I feel myself sobering up. Let’s go.”

“Alright, wait a sec. I gotta pee. Where’s the bathroom?”

“How would I know?”

Camila sighed and walked across the hall. She opened a door and found not the bathroom but a small library. 

“Andy,” she yelled out, “Come here!”

“What’s up,” Andy said as she bounded inside, “Find the vamp?”

“No, but come to look at this library. It’s got a lot of funky stuff.”

“I’ll say.” The room had shelves of thick books a neat mahogany desk, and a large, antique globe on a wooden stand. Andy rolled the globe over, “This thing looks ancient! It could be worth some serious money.”

“Please,” Camila said in disbelief, “There’s no way that thing is actually old. I’m sure it’s fake.”

“I don’t know, what if this guy, this vampire, is set on world domination! Like, why else would he have a globe?”

“What?”

“Yeah, what if one by one he marks the countries that he conquerors! And we’re next!”

“Well, if he’s still trying to conquer places like the U.S.S.R and Czechoslovakia, he’s behind several decades. Now let’s get out of here.”

Andy laughed, rolled the globe over one last time, and they made their way to go when she noticed a large portrait above the desk.

“Whoa,” she said, “Check it out! I didn’t see that when we came in, did you?”

Camila noticed the portrait then, “No,” she said, “I didn’t.”

“So, this must be your man, huh?”

Camila laughed, “What do you mean, my man?”

“Yeah! That’s your man. You’re just dying to get some of that young, vampire dude in you!”

“You’re the one who wanted to come here so that makes him your man.”

“Nah, look at him, he’s definitely your type!”

Camila inspected the picture and hated that Andy was right. The portrait was of a young guy, around their age, with dark hair, dark eyes, and a strong jawline. He wore a navy blue shirt and matching slacks. All in all, Camila had to agree that he was very good-looking.

She looked at the portrait long and hard, until she noticed that the eyes seemed to follow her, and she thought they even blinked at her.

“Jesus,” she giggled, “I must be more drunk than I thought.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I could have sworn your man was looking at us. I thought he blinked.”

“What if they did,” Andy whispered teasingly, “What if someone is watching us?”

“Shut up,” Camila said, playfully swatting her arm, “Come on. I still have to find the bathroom.”

As they reached the threshold of the door Camila sneezed again.

“Bless you,” A deep, male voice said from behind them.

Both girls froze.

“Please tell me you said that,” Camila whispered.

“I would, but I’d be lying.”

They turned and looked at the portrait. It was staring at them, and this time Andy noticed the eye movements. “Cam,” she said, “I think someone’s watching us.”

“Are you playing with me, you’re playing with me, stop it!”

“No, I’m dead serious! I think I saw it blink this time.”

Camila walked up to the picture and waved her hands in front of it. The eyes followed, and she let out a scream.

“The eyes are moving, the eyes are moving, the eyes are freaking moving!”

“Let’s get out of here,” Andy cried.

“Hold on, you can’t leave just yet,” they heard the male voice say. The library door slammed shut and locked. Both girls tried forcing it open to no success.

“Come here,” it told them.

“Where is that voice coming from,” Andy asked.

The voice let out an exasperated sigh, “The portrait, it said, “I’m behind the portrait.”

They walked over to it, clinging to each other. Andy asked, “What do you want from us?”

“I vant to suck yur blood,” the voice told them in a horrible Dracula impersonation, but the girls let out a terrible scream anyway. The voice laughed and said in its normal voice, “No, no, I was just messing with you. Listen, I kind of got stuck in here, and have been in here for quite a while, so if you could do me a favor and let me out, I'd really appreciate it.”

Camila and Andy glanced at each other, and Camila eyed the portrait suspiciously, “And why should we let you out? How do we know you won’t actually... eat us or something once we do? I mean why did you have us locked in here?”

“I’m not going to eat you,” the voice cried indignantly, “That’s gross! I’m a vampire, not a zombie, OK, we don’t do the eating humans thing.”

“Yeah, you just do the sucking blood thing.”

[waywardangel-wilds]

I should probably rewrite this to be the part that’s missing from the other post I wrote about this lmao. Anyway.

Peeta and Katniss splitting a parentally generous (Hazelle) helping of meat and potato salad and one rum and coke (Haymitch):

Peeta: “Oh wow, she hates him”

Katniss: “ugh I feel bad for the kids.”

Peeta: “are you kidding? Their dad is loaded and their mom is hot and smart. They’ll be fine.”

Katniss, dryly: “good to know your thoughts on the matter.”

Peeta, with a little smile: “and Gales a great dad. It’s not like he’s leaving them.”

Katniss: “still. I can’t imagine it, going through that? It has to suck.”

Hazelle, coming by to check on them: “so, what do you think? Foods good?”

Katniss and Peeta in weird married unison and not at all worried about being caught gossiping: “thank you so much for inviting us! We love it! We do, yes. Everything is great, thank you.”

Hazelle, gazing wistfully at her playing grandchildren in the distance while her son and his ex wife glare at each other from across the yard: “children really bring families together, wouldn’t you agree?”

Peeta: “of course.”

Katniss: “mmhmm, yeah.”

Hazelle, looking back at our favourite nosy couple: “we wouldn’t be expecting anything from you two, or will we?”

Katniss, coughing violently and then chugging the rum and coke.

Peeta, looking at his wife desperately in need of rescue from this conversation: “um” oh wow this is awkward.

Hazelle: “children really complete a marriage.”

Peeta, level 9 emergency: “Haha. Yeah, um. Wow! Gale! Nice, uh, shoes?”

Gale, looking at him like he’s the biggest idiot since idiots became a thing: “these are your shoes.”

Peeta, awkwardly: “right.”

~ Hazelle leaving them to this dumpster fire ~

Katniss: “sorry about the divorce, by the way.”

Gale, making everything more awkward by pausing unnecessarily: “yeah, thanks. I guess.”

Katniss, who might be tipsy? That was a double shot of rum: “you’ll find someone soon.” Patting Peeta’s chest. “Someone just like Peeta, yes?”

Gale: “uh sure.”

Peeta, because he won’t miss a chance to be a little shit: “sorry man, I’m taken. But I’m really flattered.”

Gale, irritated: “why do you always have to—“

Peeta, ignoring him: “not that I couldn’t be swayed—“

Gale, continuing too: “do this.”

Peeta: “but you just don’t know how to handle your equipment.”

Gale: “it’s like you— excuse me?”

Peeta: “a face like that, the height, the money, but no personality. Yikes.”

Gale: “I can out personality you any day, Mellark.”

Peeta, blinking like he’s heard something absurd: “uh, no you can’t.”

Gale: “obviously I can.”

Peeta: “I’m sorry, am I not Peeta fucking Mellark? I’m alive right now because I know I’m funnier and cooler than you.”

Katniss: “can we not have a uh, penis (this word is whispered) measuring competition right now? I wanna get seconds!” Yanking on Peeta’s elbow. “Peeta! Seconds!”

Peeta, on a self important high: “Katniss, there comes a time in every man’s life when he must rise to the occasion. This is it for me.”

Katniss, stumbling away: “you suck. HAYMITCH! More juice!”

Gale: “you know what? You’re on. Let’s go.”

Peeta: “go where? I win by existing. See that? That was witty and cool. Which you’re not.”

Gale: “we’re going to—“

Gales ex-wife who I don’t wanna give a name. Let’s call her uh, Carol: “would you two shut up? You’re upsetting the kids! Be adults!”

Gale, childishly: “you know what Carol? You’re not a part of this conversation, so why don’t you mind your own business.”

Carol: “the kids are my business, asshole.”

Peeta murmuring into a bite of his potato salad: “whew she loves you.”

Gale: “what did you just say?”

Peeta, louder: “I said—“

Carol: “shut up! Both of you! If you have to fight at every gathering, why don’t you see who can compliment the other the most, huh? Maybe then I’ll get some peace and quiet.”

Peeta, with a wickedly pleased expression: “now that you mention it…”

Gale: “nope.”

Peeta, louder: “hey kids! I triple dog dare your dad to a compliment war. Whoever wins is the coolest of them all.”

The kids: “whatever!”

Peeta, staring at Gale who is not sweating in response. “My, what luscious and gorgeous hair you have.”

Carol, laughing: “oh my god.”

Gale: “a-and you! With your, um, nice… nails. Very pretty.”

Peeta, one blink of astonishment later: “nails huh? Nice teeth. Shiny.”

Gale: “I like your— your face!”

Peeta: “my face? Really? He’s disqualified, right? That wasn’t even good.”

Gale, through gritted teeth: “it’s very symmetrical.”

Peeta: “fine. You’re good at being a dad.”

Carol: “aw, Peeta!”

Gale: “and you-you are good at people. Being friends-friendly um”

Peeta, grinning like an asshole: “oh my, you’re making me blush. You have excellent taste in women.”

Carol, giggling.

Gale, rolling his eyes: “okay you can’t go after my wife when you already have Katniss.”

Carol: “not your wife.”

Peeta: “it’s not my fault I’m naturally charming. Do I win?”

Gale, sputtering: “No!”

Katniss from across the yard: “Peeta!”

Peeta, shrugging: “seems like I won. Gotta go.”

Gale: “this isn’t over!”

Katniss and Peeta, so totally not spying on Gale and his wife from their house on purpose while they argue about who’s ruining family dinner at Haymitch’s:

“Would it kill you to just let us have one nice dinner?”

“He started it!”

“He’s old!”

Katniss or Peeta, take your pick:

“Oh wow, she’s laying into him!”

“Shut UP! They’ll hear us!”

Gale and his wife again:

“‘Have some respect, boy’ who does he think he is? My father? Please.”

“This is his house! And your mother is happy, can we please just enjoy our dinner? It isn’t our place to say anything on her choice in men.”

“Men? A man should be able to walk down the street without getting winded! He can’t even do that!”

Katniss and Peeta again:

“I mean, he does have a point”

“Shh!”

(Hehe, I posted it @vasilissadragomir ! It was just too funny!)

[fics-for-my-heart]

Wrong number (TH)

Summary: Who knew a wrong number could change your life

Word count: 1871

Warning: Infinity war spoiler, but it‘s been out for so long it probably isn’t one anymore.

A/N: Hello from my doc vault. I’m in the process of cleaning and organizing my fics and have found so many incomplete ones from for ever ago. This one says it was created in 2018 lmao. I’m going to continue finishing or scraping works so keep an eye out.

Masterlist

Unknown Number: MATE MATE YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT I JUST FOUND OUT! I’M GOING TO BE PLAYING SPIDER-MAN

You: uh, a few things. One, I don’t believe you but you seem really hyped so congrats? Two, I think you have the wrong number.

Spider-Man?: Oh shit. Oh shit shit shit. My apologies. I was meant to text my mate Harrison. I didn’t delete his old number. Please, ignore this text. Like burn it. Forget you saw this.

You: Well I’m Y/N so I’m defo not Harrison. And no worries my guy, already forgotten.

*A year and a half later*

“Order up!” The bell tinged as Rico placed the plates on the counter. You spun around on your toes, scooping up the plates and taking them to the table.

“Scrambled eggs for Pops, and chocolate chip waffles for lil man.” You’d been working in the diner since high school. It was fun, local, and the tips were always good. Plus the regulars were the best. Just as you turned, the door chimed and good mornings filled the small building.

“Yes. Good morning. Rico, I’m stealing Y/N for a moment.” It was Sarah, your best friend since you were babies. “Y/N.” She said, grabbing your arm and pulling you out back.

“What’s up?”

“Have you seen the trailer for the new Captain America movie?” Ever since you had told her about that wrong number text almost two years ago she’s been a little obsessed with it. The thought of it being real was too exciting for her.

“Nope. Haven’t had time. Between school and work I’ve been pretty busy.” Although secretly you still had the messages, but she didn’t need to know that.

She rolled her eyes. “Well, it looks fantastic. But the main guy, Tom Holland. He is absolutely beautiful. What if he was the wrong number?”

You shrug. “Okay, what if?”

“Y/N.” She placed her hands on your shoulder, lightly shaking you. “You knew who it was before anyone else did. This is amazing!”

“I seriously doubt it. It was so long ago and the person could have just been taking the piss out of it. Plus I never got the person's name.”

“What was the name he was trying to reach? Harrison? This Holland fellow has a best mate slash assistant named Harrison. Just. Think of how exciting that is. Also, I know you have the number.” She patted the top of your head before reaching up and smacking a kiss on your forehead. “Now get back to work. See you tonight.”

The rest of the day came and went. The thought was constantly in the back of your mind though. You were actually told, probably first, about someone landing the role of Spider-Man. How absolutely wild? Would it be weird to text them? Probably, more like creepy. Like hey I kept your messages even though I shouldn’t have? Honestly, you only kept them because you never deleted anything. It was a problem, but who cares.

A few weeks went by, Sarah didn’t bring it up, but you could tell she wanted to. In fact it was almost a month before it got brought up again. It was Sarah's birthday, so that meant a party at your shared apartment. Friends, music, movies, and drinks. In Sarah's case, lots of drinks. Her birthday was the only day she really let herself loose.

"Y/N" He draped a lazy arm over you. "You should text that number and say congrats on the movie."

You rolled your eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh boo. You know exactly what I'm talking about. I triple dog dare you to text it. I know you still have it, you never delete anything."

"Oh my gosh. Fine. But I'm going to need more than one drink to do this." Instantly, Sarah jumped from the couch, quickly returning with two shots and a cup of who knows what.

"Drink up buttercup, you got a text to send."

You groaned, but down the hatch it all went, as Sarah stuck your phone in your hand.

You : Hello Spider-boy, it is I, the wrong number you texted forever ago. I'm a creep and kept the message, oops. Congrats on the movie though

The response was almost instant, which was unexpected.

Spider-Man? : Hello there Y/N. I am also a creep and kept the message. And thank you.

You: Well, at least I'm not the only creep here. Be careful Spidy, don't spoil anything more.

Spider-Man : My lips are sealed. And please, call me Tom haha.

You: Not going to happen Spidy. Not. Gonna. Happen.

——

*Three years later*

Spidy: Y/N…

You: Thomas…

Spidy: Y/N

You: Tom, are you okay?

Spidy: Are you working? What are you currently doing? Can you ft me?

You: one sec.

“Rico, I need a fifteen!” You called, quickly slipping through the kitchen to the back. It had been almost four years since Tom accidentally spilled the biggest secret ever to you, three since the two of you started regular texting, and one since he accidentally kissed you, changing everything.

You pressed the lock button hard for Siri, “FaceTime Spidy” you said, opting for the fastest way of doing it.

When he answered he looked disheveled, he was in his new Spider-Man suit, his face had dirt on it and his hair was dusty. “Oh thank god.” He groaned, his accent always seemed thicker after using his ‘Peter Parker’ voice. “Y/N.”

“Tom, are you okay?” You looked around, thankful to be the only one in the alley. While your parents and best friend knew about you and Tom, no one else did. Which meant that you two were super good at being sneaky.

“No. Not at all. We just filmed the biggest scene ever. Like in the history of Marvel. This is going to change everything. Y/N.” His eyes were wide and you had the sudden urge to reach for him. He truly looked shocked. “And what’s worse is I can’t talk to anyone about it.”

“Is it bigger than half the population getting dusty?” You remembered him telling you about that and swearing you to secrecy. Even though you knew, watching him turn to dust still made you cry.

Tom stopped moving. Eyes locking onto yours through the screen. “So much bigger, love. So much bigger.” He rubbed his face, then drug his fingers through his hair sending dust flying.

You groaned. Tom was awful with secrets. But he had told you that this was the final scene to be filmed and added right before the release of the new Avengers movie. So while you were worried, there wasn’t too much time before the movie came out, leaving little time for him to spoil something.

“I’m going to change the subject before you go any further. Are you still going to be coming here next week?”

He finally relaxed and smiled. “Of course. I miss you something awful.”

“I miss you too.” You hoped he couldn’t tell you were blushing through the screen. “I have to get back to work though. Let me know when you are settled and I’ll pop over.”

“Alright, love. See you soon.” He blew two kisses at the phone that you returned before reluctantly hanging up.

The week dragged, but before you knew it you were using your key to get into Tom's apartment. The sound of paws on the hardwood floor causing your heart to swell.

“Tessa! Oh sweet baby I missed you.” You dropped to the floor and wrapped your arms around the happy pup. “Who’s the sweetest? You are.” You cooed rubbing all over her wiggling body as she licked your face.

“How come I never get a greeting like that?” Tom asked, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed. His eyes twinkled looking at you and Tessa.

“From me or Tess?” You laughed, standing up and slowly making your way to him.

“Both.” He laughed.

Before he could say anything else, you launched yourself at him, kissing all over his face. “Tom! Oh sweet baby I missed you!” You repeated the same words from a moment ago. “Who’s the sweetest? You are.” You rubbed your hands in Tom’s hair, leaving no part of his face unkissed.

His arms were tight around you as he laughed and laughed. The sound was something you hadn’t realized you missed till you heard it. “Okay, okay! Stop so I can properly kiss you please.”

You pulled back. Smoothing his hair and culling his face in your hands. “Hi Spidy.” Your voice was a whisper.

“Hi love.” He didn’t wait a second longer. His lips crashed into yours. Kissing you with all the love he had built up over the past five months. When he pulled back, you were both breathless. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too. What do you say about delivery and not leaving the house for a few days.”

“That sounds perfect to me.” He kissed you again before putting you on the ground and pulling out his phone.

Thirty minutes and one heavy make out session later, the two of you were surrounded by take out and watching a movie.

“They want to record the next two spiderman movies back to back.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad. Would probably make it feel faster. Getting them both done at the same time. What does that mean for filming time?”

“About the same I’d think, but there’s something I want to talk to you about.” He turned so he was facing you. “It’s nothing bad I promise. Just a question.”

You sat your food on the table. Turning to face him as well. “Shoot.”

Tom took a deep breath, then grabbed your hands. “Would you like to be my plus one to the End Game premier? You don’t have to say yes. I know that would be a huge thing and would probably change everything. This bubble we have is safe and I totally understand if you don’t want to pop it ever. But I’d love for you to be there with me.”

Your heart leaped to your throat and you smiled. “I’d love to go. Sure things would change but I would absolutely love to be there with you.”

“Are you sure? Our relationship would be out there if we do this.”

“Tom, I love you. And it would be an honor to be your plus one. Plus, from the moment we started talking I’ve been extra cautious online. All of my accounts are private, and none of them have the same name. Plus, we don’t follow each other on anything. I think I could stay a mystery woman for quite a while.”

“You love me?” He leaned forward and put his forehead on yours. “You’ve never said that to me before.”

“It’s hard not to love you.”

“I love you too.” He pressed a kiss to your lips. “Are you positive you want to go?”

“Yes Tom. Let’s pop this bubble and experience life together.”

His smile made his eyes close as he kissed you again. Things would change, but for now it was just the two of you, Tessa, and a quiet apartment.

[chasingpj]

✰ 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐠𝐨𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ✰

pairing: percy jackson x child of hecate!reader

warning: very mild cursing, angsty at some parts, mild violence, sfw, witchcraft

category: long-term fic, slow burn, friends to lovers, reader-insert

a/n: THIS FIC IS BEING REWRITTEN. Here's my second masterlist! Eventually the new masterlist and this one will merge into one.

a series of scenarios that follow a child of hecate reader and her life throughout the percy jackson and olympian series and the heroes of olympus series. all the scenarios boil down to one big quest that will change her life forever.

𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐒𝐞𝐚 𝐨𝐟 𝐌𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬

I: Unexpected Rendezvous

⤐ "I might spread a rumor about you and Percy rendezvousing at midnight. The Aphrodite cabin will have a hoot with that one." alternatively: your cabin counselor, Connor Stoll blackmails you after seeing you and Percy on the docks after curfew.

II: A Set-Up

⤐"We should go pick the strawberries over there. Percy and Y/N can work on the ones here." alternatively: Silena uses some of her love magic to help you out with your little crush.

III: Capture The Flag

⤐"You're more powerful than you think, y/n. What's he gonna do? Splash you?" alternatively: you go head-to-head with Percy during a capture the flag game

IV: Crossroad

⤐"You only want to stay because of your little boyfriend. Is he more important to you than us?" alternatively: your siblings give you an ultimatum: to leave or stay? right or left?

V: Solace

⤐"You’re really sweet, water boy.” alternatively: Percy gives you a shoulder to cry on.

VI: Caught Red-Handed

⤐ "Ehm, is this like a seven-minutes-in-heaven thing?" alternatively: Percy gets caught in your mission to prank the Ares cabin with the Stoll Brothers. Turns out Connor was wrong, Clarisse can kill you as a bunny.

VII: Unforeseen

⤐ "Very well, then you will camp out in Percy’s cabin... with Atticus, of course." alternatively: you and Atticus have a sleepover in the Poseidon cabin to catch an unwanted visitor.

VIII: Loophole

⤐ “Don’t be snarky with me, little girl.” alternatively: your unwanted visitor is more stubborn than you expected. so, you strike a deal.

IX: Home Sweet Home

⤐"Bye, for now, puddles." alternatively: your second summer at CHB has come to an end and now you're looking forward to going back home and catching a break. At least, you hope to catch one.

X: Unbreakable Ties

⤐ "I want a sacrifice from you." alternatively: you don't catch a break.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧'𝐬 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞

XI: Welcome Back

⤐ "Do you think he could be our brother?" alternatively: your return to camp means you get to catch up with friends and make new ones.

XII: The Tower

⤐ "I had a bad dream." alternatively: sometimes the signs from the universe can't be avoided

XIII: Open-ended

⤐ "If you need anything, please, come to this address." alternatively: just because you vowed not to break his heart, doesn't mean other people won't coming soon

𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐓𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐧'𝐬 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞

XIV: Triple Dog Dare You

⤐ "Your brother's a felon!" alternatively: atticus and percy get into trouble on their guys day out and now there's only one person who can fix it coming soon

XV: Thalassophobia

⤐ "Do you hear me? I'm your last priority!" alternatively: it's your first quest and you'll do anything to make sure it's successful coming soon

𝐁𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐛𝐬

first meeting

"What’re you gonna name it?

my lobby: everything you need is there; masterlists, ask box, wip list, you name it <;3 updated: feb 13th, 2022

[chaoticbardlady99]

I Triple Dog Dare You (Astarion x F!Reader) (Part 2 to Pinkie Promise)

CW: Angst, mentions of trauma, mentions of sexual trauma, mentions of bullying, mentions of parental death, mentions of domestic violence, mentions of voyeurism

Both titles have been inspired by the song ‘School Nights’ by Chappell Roan

Dedicated to @amica-aenigmata-naboo - thank you for demanding a part two 😂

Part 1: Pinkie Promise?

✨this has been proof read once and I have been awake and working since 3 am. It is not 10:04 pm. Please help✨

You finish your letter by folding it into thirds and then writing ‘Star’ on the back. You take a deep breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth- reminding yourself that you already know he likes you back, you are just taking that last extra little step. You also can’t attempt to write this letter again- this is your 8th draft, the others turning into flames in your hands very quickly.

You want to ask Astarion to be in a serious relationship with you. You have only been seeing each other (as far as you know) and you’ve spent almost everyday sleeping with him in his tent since you had ventured into the Underdark. Most of the time- you don’t even have sex. You stay up talking together and sharing soft kisses- no clothes, just intimacy. You adore those moments immensely.

Life around camp has also been good- everyone is finally beginning to get along. Shadowheart and Lae’zel even silently respect each other now. It feels like one big happy family and you are grateful for them when this whole journey feels far too big and scary.

Recently, you and your crew have been playing an ongoing game of “Triple Dog Dare”. The only rule is you can’t dare someone in the middle of a battle or a serious mission. Otherwise- it’s all fair game and if you decline to do it, you have to take the darers’ guard duty or help them with a chore. The chores were limited to one task and it can’t be taking down a whole tent + equipment- the one time Astarion had to take down Gale’s tent had been disastrous. The dare had been to allow Gale to take you on a date- Astarion shot back with a “I triple dog dare you to swallow my fucking knife wizard.” All parties (minus Astarion) agreed that this dare was not to be followed through on.

The game has had… less than favorable results. Watching Wyll and Karlach streak across the camp while you were piss drunk was awful. Oh and the time Gale almost died because Wyll dared him to spy on the two of you for 20 minutes. You hadn’t heard his thoughts, but Astarion had. His head had shot up from between your legs with a furious look in his eyes. Astarion had covered your naked frame up quickly with his shirt (his trousers still on) and chased after Gale until he pushed the man into the freezing Underdark water.

The group then had to make a few more rules people didn’t realize they had to make. In Gale’s defense- Wyll didn’t specify and Wyll is a real snob about which chore he gives the person. It’s also the worst chore and usually includes de-stinking his boots. You are almost positive Wyll does this on purpose as repayment for all the headaches this groups’ shenanigans has given him-oh and the horns.

Karlach triple dog dared you today to finally confess your feelings to Astarion. You had gawked at her and then dared her to do the same with Dammon. You shook on it and it was done.

Finding out that Astarion’s life is in far more danger than any of them had realized shook you to your core. You are tired of wasting time being afraid to ask him what you already know (or at least hope you know). You are silently grateful that Karlach has given you the push you needed (you doubt she would have actually made you do anything- she wouldn’t put you on blast like that).

It just never felt like the right time in the past. Having your life be in constant danger is kind of a romance killer and you aren’t sure how the hell you are supposed to do this.

Do you court him? Do you ask him to court you?

You ultimately settled on just flat out telling him your feelings- politics be damned. It’s not like you were welcome in High Society anyway.

Now you are in the safety of Last Light Inn and it feels like the right time to bring this up. You worry that waiting any longer will result in him looking for someone more serious or maybe you would always just be a person he slept with during the journey to his freedom.

You hope you are more than that and you are almost positive you are. The way he looks at you, kisses you, and talks to you is so genuine- his eyes are always so soft and so are his lips. He protects you and you protect him. You adore him and you think he adores you too.

So naturally, walking up behind him and Shadowheart talking isn’t a nerve wracking endeavor to you. This is all going to go off without a hitch!

Or so you thought.

Your ears twitch and you barely hear what they say to each other, but you do. Gods you wish you hadn’t.

“You are insufferable, Cleric.” Astarion groans, “I already told you my answer.”

“Oh please- you follow them around like a lovesick puppy. You can’t honestly tell me you have absolutely no feelings for them.”

Shadowheart takes a long sip of her pint and raises an eyebrow at him. You remain in the shadow- your heart thumping out of your chest. Maybe he’ll say a lot of wonderful things about you? Maybe your hopes will be-

“Nope, not a single feeling outside of my carnal desires,” he says nonchalantly, “that’s all it’s been and they know that.”

Oh.

You feel all the air leave your lungs as you crumple your letter and shove it in your pocket. You don’t know why you insist on listening further.

“Then I triple dog dare you to go talk to someone and take them to bed. You will have no problem bedding that Harper who keeps giving you ‘fuck me’ eyes- I’m sure.”

Oh please no.

“You offend me- that’s hardly a challenge,” he says while standing up, sauntering over to the Harper that is eyeing him.

You promptly turn around and hurry out of the building. You can’t breathe. You should have known better.

You had always been Tav the Guillable, the Plain, the Insufferable, etc, etc. You had been thrown at your aunt and uncle when your parents passed. Your aunt and uncle lived in a nice Human only city and you are a ‘filthy half-breed.’

One of the boys in your Archery class found out you had a crush on him so he asked you to meet him by the river. You showed up with wild flowers for him- something your mother told you Wood Elf’s do to show affection. He showed up with your entire class- all of them laughing at you for being stupid enough to believe he liked you and then his future partner beat the shit out of you before throwing you into the rushing water. You wished you hadn’t survived, but a nice family who was tolerant towards Half breeds saved you. Your Aunt and Uncle were pissed. Admittedly, so were you.

They treated you terribly- constantly trying to marry you off to old men who you would turn away with your boorish behavior.

You really thought you had it right this time. Everything felt so natural and right- like you had been made for each other. What did you not pick up on? What did you miss this whole time? How could you have been so blind?

You pick up your bedroll on the way out- you were all going to sleep on the floor of the inn with the rest of the Harpers and Refugees, but you couldn’t pretend you wanted to be near Astarion like he does with you. You aren’t ready to confront him- you aren’t ready for the pretty illusion to be completely shattered and swept under the rug yet. You were just getting used to being someone he loved and now the whole world is crumbling underneath you.

It was barely anything- obviously- so why does it hurt this much?

You find yourself in front of Damon’s metal shop and he’s talking to Karlach. You clear your throat and they both look at you. Karlach suddenly looks concerned when she sees the look on your face.

“Could I sleep above your shop tonight?” You say with a strained voice, “behind the hay? I just… need to be alone.”

“Sure thing- it’s all yours.”

You smile gratefully at him and begin to climb up the ladder.

“Do you want me to tell Fangs, Soldier?”

You can hear the question in her voice. She is your best friend after all.

“No- please don’t,” you smile at her sadly, “I would prefer he doesn’t know where I am.”

Karlach nods in understanding, giving you a sad smile, and you go behind the hay and lay out your bedroll. It smells like him and you don’t know if that’s helping or hurting at this point, but you are mostly too tired to care.

Your heart hurts as you try to find sleep. You throw the crumpled note across the little loft and silently begin to cry.

At least you knew what it felt to give and receive love- even if it was false and unrequited the entire time.

*****************************************

Astarion is barely present for the conversation with the Harper male who is trying to impress him into bed. Astarion is only thinking of you and how much he wants to get this over with so you can find a more secluded spot together. Every morning to every night feels like far too long to wait to have a tender moment with you.

Astarion imagines leaving lingering kisses along your collar bones and your cheeks. He thinks about how he desperately needs to rebraid your hair. It’s been frizzy and unruly from all the fog- the baby hairs sticking out all over the place. He also needs to patch up your armor again- your Meilikki Cleric Armor ripped apart from the events of yesterday.

Mostly though, he wants to spend the off day tomorrow with just you. Astarion wants to find somewhere to hide or even just rent a room so that you can just be in each other’s presence un interrupted by the world. Astarion’s heart glows at the thought of the sexless intimacy you share. He’s so happy it’s not a priority to you- it’s allowed him to do things at his own pace and as he wants to which is very freeing to him.

Astarion had finally admitted to himself that his plan had well and truly failed- he has fallen for you very hard.

He doesn’t know what possessed him to lie to Shadowheart. He mostly just didn’t want to be pressured to leap forward. Astarion isn’t sure if you want to be something real with him and he also doesn’t know if you are hell bent on being a proper noble woman who marries a proper noble man. It would break his heart if you rejected him and Astarion has no desire to feel that way. For now, Astarion will bask in his peaceful ignorance.

The Harper man eventually scowls at Astarion and tells him to fuck off if he isn’t interested. Astarion goes back to Shadowheart with an annoyed look on his face.

“Fine- you win, Cleric,” Astarion scowls, “I have feelings for them. I couldn’t even give that man a moment of my attention because I couldn’t stop thinking about them so if you will excuse me-“

Shadowheart squeals in delight and Astarion rolls his eyes. Astarion walks around the entire inn and property- you are nowhere to be found. Astarion is beginning to become more and more worried. Astarion is pacing out front when Karlach and Dammon come up to the Inn- ready to hit the sack.

“Karlach,” Astarion says, a bit more panicked than he means to, “where is Tav? I’ve been looking for them everywhere and I can’t find them!”

Karlach looks suddenly uncomfortable and like she definitely knows where you are.

“Karlach if you know where Tav is-“

“I do!” She says exasperated, “but they specifically asked that you don’t know and I don’t blame them! You gonna go fuck them and pretend to have feelings for them again for the billionth time?”

Astarion is stock still and horribly confused. What in the hells is she talking about? Karlach shoves a piece of crumpled paper into his hands and shakes her head at him.

“You know- if you are going to fuck with someone’s feelings,” Karlach tries to keep her patience, “maybe don’t pick the nicest person in the room. Honestly Fangs- fuck you. I thought you were better than that.”

Astarion is at a loss for words- which is very rare for him. He slowly unfolds the note- hoping it might put some of the pieces together.

Star,

I have really come to enjoy your company and our time together.

I am quite smitten with you and I’m too nervous to say this out loud, but I would like to be able to call you my partner (in a romantic sense)- if you return my feelings, that is.

If not, no worries. All I want is for you to be happy.

-Tav

The pieces click together like a haunting tune.

You had heard everything that was said between him and Shadowheart. Obviously you didn’t stick around for the important part, but Gods you must be heartbroken.

Astarion has to assume you were hiding somewhere in Damon’s shop if Karlach is the one who knows where you are. He had been avoiding the shop initially so that Karlach could have her privacy with Dammon. Now it’s fair game.

Astarion quickly walks towards the shop and as soon as he enters- his ears pick up your quiet sobbing. Your thoughts are loud and unguarded- his words playing in your head over and over again. You are wondering why you aren’t good enough. Astarion finally sees what you have refused to show him- your parents are long gone, despite the fact that you talk about them as if they are waiting for you to come home. Your Aunt, Uncle, cousins, and an entire society have rejected you, humiliated you, and belittled you. This just happens to be the salt in the wound. You keep looping through the thought of how stupid you are to have missed this of all damn things. How could you even begin to think he would actually want you? Plain, boring, ugly, half-breed Tav.

Oh my Darling, what have I done?

Shadowheart had been teasing him relentlessly ever since you had all arrived back to the safety of Last Light Inn. You had led them all to support Astarion in finding out more about the scars carved into his back. It had been incredibly dangerous and Shadowheart had had to heal him more than usual- he kept putting himself between you and every bomb, warrior, etc. He wanted her to stop- he likes the privacy of his little world with you.

Now he’s demolished that world and your heart in less than an hour. Astarion was actually nervous earlier- realizing how deep his feelings for you are and how much he wants something real with you. He just isn’t close enough with Shadowheart to share those feelings out loud willingly. Astarion is thrilled that you feel the same way, but now he isn’t sure he can convince you that his feelings are genuine and not a giant lie.

Astarion slowly makes his way up the ladder and he hears your sobbing stop- one single sniffle occurring before silence.

“Darling?” he asks quietly.

The air is tense and Astarion feels more nervous than a school boy with a crush. You hiccup.

“Astarion.”

Your voice is strained and cracks- he can hear the effort you put into trying to make your voice sound steady and normal.

You are definitely not happy with him. You usually address him as Star when he first arrives in your orbit.

Astarion takes it as a good sign that you are at least willing to speak with him.

“It’s come to my attention that you may have overheard a conversation without context and without staying until the end,” Astarion says slowly, “I was hoping you might let me explain myself.”

You sit up gingerly, your head bent, and look up at him with puffy, bloodshot eyes. Your bottom lip is swollen- you often worry it between your teeth when you are upset. He doesn’t like when you are upset, but he does love how incredibly delicious it makes your lips look. Your skin is under a veil of tears and your cheeks are stained pink from you rubbing away the sadness from your face. It’s unfair how beautiful a crier you are.

Astarion decides to go against his better judgement and he crawls towards you. You look at him with a guarded expression, but you don’t fight him as he pulls you into his lap- his fingers moving the hair out of your face and wiping the remaining tears from your cheeks.

“Shadowheart was teasing me for being… overly concerned with your safety today,” Astarion begins, “I just didn’t want to- her and I aren’t close enough for me to-“

Astarion huffs in frustration and looks down at the floor momentarily before making direct eye contact with you. He decides to use the tadpole- maybe showing will make more sense than explaining.

Astarion shows you his original intentions of manipulating you- his musings over your beauty, but your aggravating naivety and the annoyance at your persistent kindness. He feels you flinch a little, but your body begins to relax against his as you watch his feelings change. Astarion lets you see all of his jealousy, confusion, fear, and adoration for you. He even lets you see his turmoil during sex. Astarion enjoys himself with you- more than he’s ever enjoyed himself with anyone, but the self-loathing and disgust pose a challenge during intimate moments.

Lastly, Astarion shows you how scared he is to lose you. He lets the feeling consume him and he feels like he’s a rope ready to snap at any moment. His mind wanders to how much he doesn’t ever want to have to miss you- the beautiful moments you have shared together and how much joy you have brought to his life. You make him want to be a better person- well at least in your presence. Astarion would do just about anything for you.

You press your forehead to his and release a relieved sigh. Astarion pulls you in for a deep, tender kiss. The kiss is needy, but not in a sexual way. Astarion needs you to know that he really does adore you- his affections are absolutely not fake.

He finally has to pull back to let you breathe and you wrap your arms around his neck.

“You make me so so happy, Darling,” Astarion whispers tearfully, “I really don’t want to lose you.”

“Star, I adore you for all the sentimental reasons,” your eyes sparkle as you look at him, “I’m not going anywhere.”

Astarion tries not to show how relieved he is, but the way his shoulders slump gives him away.

“We don’t have to have sex, you know,” you say quietly, “I can wait until you are ready. I want you to be happy and feel loved more than anything.”

Astarion is surprised by the choked sob that escapes his lips- pulling you in closer.

“That sounds like a challenge.”

“Yeah well,” you pull back and smile at him, “I triple dog dare you to prioritize your wants and needs first!”

Astarion rolls his eyes at you and tries to hide the grateful tears threatening to spill from his eyes. You are his most favorite person across all the planes. He is so grateful for you, your patience, and how much you try to understand him so that you can support his healing from centuries of abuse.

“Cheeky pup.”

You grin widely, “the cheekiest.”

“Hmmm well,” Astarion slyly smirks, “if we are going to play this childish game…”

You pout, jutting your lower lip out. Astarion places a chaste kiss on your cheek before whispering in your ear.

“I triple dog dare you to be something real with me.”

Astarion’s nerves are going haywire- praying to every God he can think of that you still want to be serious with him.

Your smile could light up the entirety of the Shadow Cursed Lands. You give him a short sweet kiss on the cheek and A kunik*.

“Dare accepted.”

*A kunik means nose kiss in Inuit

[spenciegoob]

Triple Edged Sword Part 1

A/N: Hi ! This is going to be a 3 part mini series and oml I AM SO EXCITED. I haven’t written for 6 years so the updates are most definitely going to be generously spaced out. Anyways let’s get into it.

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Category: Smut.. so smutty, and a dash of fluff

Content Warning: sub!spencer, domfem!reader masturbation (female), penetrative sex, hand job, scratching, hair pulling, slapping

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Word Count: 3.3k

Part Two | Part Three

____

When Spencer Reid looked at her, his eyes were so kind and filled with so much love for someone that had so much pain behind them. He never thought it was possible to love someone as much as he loved her. His puppy dog eyes served as a reminder to both of them of just how innocent the doctor was.

Spencer hated it. Being the brunt of Derek’s virgin jokes made him want to scream from the rooftops, or a little more civilized, tell him he had a girlfriend.

His girlfriend, however, she loved his curious eyes. The way his pupils would dilate when he looked at every inch of her or his eyes would almost double in size whenever she stripped in front of him. 

It was absolutely infatuating. 

Every time Spencer looked at her, it was like the first time. He couldn’t get enough, and through time he found something else he loved about her body each time he saw it.

He had his doubts for sure, his insecurities sneaking up on him late in the night after she leaves his arms and goes home, but as time progressed, his doubts faded into nothing more than a distant memory when it came to her.

She held the world in her hands, but instead of being selfish and keeping it all for herself, she shared it with him.

Like right now, as she pushed him back until his knees hit the bed and he fell onto the soft cushion with a slight bounce. Already, Spencer was growing hard with anticipation.

“You’ve been a very bad boy today, Spencer.” Even as she scolded him (in the hottest way, may Spencer add), he still looked up at her with the adoration that made it almost impossible to punish him.

Almost impossible.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. Please.” What Spencer was pleading for? Not even he knew, but his right hand going to touch her waist gave both of them some idea.

The involuntary act was just as quickly shut down as it started as she backed away and tutted at him.

“Ah, ah, ah Spencer, that is not how we ask for things.” The faux disappointment on her face only made the pleading look on his deepen.

“I’m sorry, miss, it won’t happen again.”

His apology and admission got him the pleasure of her stepping between his parting legs. Spencer didn’t even realize he was doing it. It was as if his body knew how to react to her trance faster than his brain could process. 

She softly grasped his jaw, tilting his head back so he had no choice but to make eye contact with her intimidating stare. A soft whimper escaped his lips at even the smallest physical contact. Her touch was electrifying, and he simply couldn’t get enough.

“What am I going to do with you?” Her hand slowly left his jaw, meeting the other one at the top button on his work shirt. Her gaze still bore into him as her fingers worked swiftly to remove his shirt.

That’s what it was about her that intrigued him beyond belief. Every move she made was calculated, meticulous in and out of the bedroom. Maybe that was his reason for looking at her with so much infatuation. 

Once Spencer’s shirt was completely unbuttoned, she gave him a form of release when she broke eye contact to stare at his now bare chest. Her eyes scanned every inch of exposed skin.

She loved his body. His frame a sculpture that would put famed artists to shame. Her favorite part, however, was when she dragged her fingernails down his torso.

Starting at his jugular, she lightly scratched all the way down to the waistband of his slacks that were becoming tighter right before her eyes. 

She couldn’t focus on that, however. Her focus was on the small red lines that she left in her wake as she softly clawed at his chest. Spencer marked so easy that she couldn’t stop herself from giving him a new one every chance she got.

She didn't need Spencer’s eidetic memory to know what the scene in front of her looked like. His muscles tense under her nails, a new one each time she inched further down. If she closed her eyes, the feeling could serve as her sight like their own special brail.

But she couldn’t close her eyes, not when she got to stare at those lines.

When she finally reached the end of her journey, she pulled her hand away causing Spencer to let out a whiny moan. The sound was music to her ears, and it almost made her give into him right then and there.

Almost made her give in.

“Not yet, baby boy. You haven’t even gotten your punishment for tonight.” This made Spencer let out another hushed whimper. 

“Please Y/N, I need you.” Again, Spencer reached his hand to her waist, but this time, he made contact.

He expected her to grab his jaw like last time, or even pull away from his grasp, but to his surprise, she did neither.

It wasn’t until Spencer opened his hooded eyes completely to look at her face did she move.

No, not move; pounce.

The second his eyes met hers, she forcefully gripped the hair on the back of his head and yanked back hard.

The sudden contact caused Spencer’s eyes to roll back, and a pathetic moan to leave his mouth that was permanently wide open.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” She asked through gritted teeth. Even she surprised herself at the sudden dominance, but with Spencer in front of her with barely open eyes and an eager mouth, god did she love it. And apparently so did he, but at the same time, only one thought clouded his mind.

He was fucked. So utterly fucked.

“I-.. I-” At his stuttering, she quickly released his hair with the softest push, only to bring that same palm to the side of his face.

The loud SMACK! replayed over and over in his head as his hips bucked up involuntary. 

Oh.

He liked this more than she thought. Sure, they’ve been a little rough in bed before, their roles always the same. She was there to be pleased, and Spencer was there to please, but she didn’t know how far that line went. 

Spencer on the other hand was turned on more than he had ever been. His cock so painfully hard under the constrictions of his work slacks that if he didn’t get some relief soon, he may burst into tears.

Spencer was still facing the left, his eyes closed and trying to control his heavy breathing. That didn’t pass in her book.

She grabbed his jaw again, this time with much more force, and brought their faces inches apart. 

“I want you on your knees at the foot of the bed. Do not take your eyes off the wall in front of you, and don’t even think about touching yourself. Sit on your god damn hands if you have to. Do you understand me?” Her words came out so smooth, the calm before the storm.

Spencer nodded his head in response, but when the grip on his jaw tightened, he squeaked out “Yes ma’am.”

She released him, and immediately Spencer was on the move, crawling to where he was instructed to go. She watched closely, making sure he followed her directions to a T.

As his eyes settled on the wall the headboard rested against, she smiled and called out.

“Good boy.” The name made Spencer’s heart flutter and his cock twitch. Now with nothing more to focus on than the wall in front of him did he start to really feel the effects of his neediness. 

Whatever she did next would be the death of him.

And boy, was he right!

Out of his peripherals, Spencer could see her start to undress herself. Her eyes only left his for a second to pull her shirt over her head, but Spencer didn’t dare use that split second to take a peak. He was already in enough pain shit to last him a lifetime. 

But then she turned around, and he can barely hear the sound of her jeans being unzipped over the blood rushing through his ears. 

‘Oh god, Spencer. Whatever you do, do not look,’ he thought to himself, and continuously repeated as she pulled her jeans down slowly. Bending down all the way, her ass on full display, Spencer could see that she was wearing her dark purple lacy thong.

His favorite.

She wasn’t even facing him. How could she possibly tell if he snuck a glance in her direction. It would be over in a second, like ripping off a band-aid, like pulling the trig-

‘No, she’ll know don’t do it.” Spencer’s thoughts were correct. If he were to look, she would turn around to find him blushing a deep shade of red that spread from his neck to his cheeks, and his eyes fully blown. So, with all of his strength and by the force of God, he kept his eyes firmly on the wall. It never looked so dull until right now.

As she slowly came back to a standing position, she turned over her shoulder to see Spencer demonstrating the most self control she’s ever seen. A proud smirk spread across her face, and she finally stalked her way over to the bed slowly.

Spencer felt his palms start to get sweaty from nerves, excitement, arousal and desperation as her body came closer to his direct line of sight. His breathing had become heavy again, and his cock twitched painfully.

When Spencer had his gun drawn on unsubs, he got tunnel vision, but right now when he needed it, that ability seemed to disappear into thin air.

What a cruel magic trick.

Once she was settled with her back resting against the headboard did she speak.

“You can look now, baby boy.” The sight in front of him almost made him come undone right then and there.

Almost made him.

She was sitting up, her arms on either side of her body, her knees were bent, and her legs were wide open. Spencer could see the wet patch from her gathering arousal on her panties, and involuntarily licked his lips.

“Your punishment is the following,” she started as she slowly hooked her fingers under the waistband of her panties. Lifting her hips to start to shimmy them down her legs, she continued, “You’re going to sit there real pretty for me, and you’re going to watch me pleasure myself. You’re not going to look away, close your eyes and most definitely you are not going to touch yourself. Am I making myself clear?”

He was not going to make that mistake again, so instead of nodding he immediately replied with, “Yes ma’am.”

She balled her discarded panties in her hand, and sat up from the incriminating position. As she shimmied her way over to Spencer on her knees, he gulped in anticipation.

“Open up, baby boy.” If she called him that, he would do anything she ever asked him to. 

Spencer opened his mouth and slightly stuck his tongue out with a small idea of what was going to come next.

Even with the knowledge of her next move, when the lace of her panties hit his tongue, he couldn’t stop the groan that left him at the contact.

“Don’t wanna hear from you no matter how pretty those sounds are,” she seduced as she stroked his cheek.

Once he was now settled with the makeshift gag and clouded mind, she returned to her compromising position, her pussy on full display for Spencer’s ogling.

She started by softly grasping one of her breasts over the thin lace bra. Her head rolled back at the new sensation, a breathy sigh leaving her parted lips. She kneaded the flesh before added her other hand, squeezing both before pushing them together.

Spencer could only watch in awe as she played with herself the way he wish he could right now. The small whimpers leaving his body were muffled thanks to the gag, and she couldn’t hear them over her own heavy breathing.

When she reached her hands behind her back, and unclasped the bra, Spencer had to forcefully sit on his hands to stop himself from touching either one of them.

She was a goddess on full display, her body had to have been sculpted by the Gods above because no one had the right to be so perfect.

Nobody but her.

The same way she had done to Spencer in what felt like centuries ago, she ran her nails down her torso, only this time she didn’t stop. Her fingers slowly met her aching core, and a moan slipped from her lips at the contact.

She kept her touch featherlight, just enough to gather her arousal on her fingertips. She brought her hand back up to her clit and added more pressure as she circled it slowly.

The soft moans leaving her body were enough for Spencer, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the sight in front of him even if he was allowed to. Her pussy was glistening under the soft light from the bedside lamp, her hair was messily sprawled out around her like a halo, and her body had started to get a light sheen of sweat. 

After another minute of teasing her clit, she finally stuck two fingers in her core, her back arching off the bed and letting out the loudest, filthiest moan yet as she did.

“Fuck, baby. It feels so good.” She looked to Spencer to gage his reaction, and found him bright red and hyper focused on where her fingers met her pussy.

Satisfied, she started to slowly pump her fingers in and out of her, curling them to hit her sweet spot each time. Her stomach started to tighten, her impending orgasm arriving faster than usual.

Spencer was a whiny, horny mess on the other side of the bed. He was so painfully hard, and he was sure if he looked, there would be a spot on his boxers from his pre-cum.

Her fingers starting to pump faster, and her other hand gave her breast one last squeeze before traveling down to meet her clit. She rubbed harsh circles in time with her fingers and threw her head back in pleasure as she did so.

“Oh god, I’m gonna- fuck I’m gonna come,” she breathily called out. Her moans getting louder by the second, the coil in her stomach finally snapped.

“Spencer! Oh god!” She screamed as her back arched off the bed, and she came around her fingers. Her finger rubbing circles on her clit started to slow down as her loud moaning turned to heavy breathing.

Spencer’s eyes were almost black as he stared down at her. When she came undone, it was the most beautiful thing in the world to him.

Once her muscles stopped spasming, she relaxed her body and finally looked back at Spencer.

“You did so well, baby boy.” The praise made Spencer’s knees even more weak. Slowly, she crawled her way over to him and removed the panties from his mouth. He tried his best to control his breathing, but each exhale came out jagged and broken.

“Can I touch you now?” He asked timidly and this only made her smile.

“Yes, baby boy. You can to-” She didn’t get to finish her sentence because the second the word yes left her mouth, Spencer’s lips were on hers.

The kiss was sloppy and uncalculated, but there was so much passion and love behind every movement. When she grasped the waistband of his slacks and pulled his clothed body against her naked one, Spencer let out a gasp that allowed her to stick her tongue in his mouth. 

She explored every inch of his mouth with hers and he couldn’t get enough. The kiss was intoxicating, pulling him deeper into her trance.

When she pulled away, biting his bottom lip and pulling it back slightly with her, Spencer let out a whine.

“You’re wearing too many clothes,” she said as she pushed his unbuttoned shirt down his arms. Once that was off, she worked on his belt, pulling it out of the loops and throwing it to the floor impatiently.

Once his pants were unbuttoned, she wasted no time reaching in and grasping his cock.

Spencer let out a pornographic moan at the sensation, throwing his head back and closing his eyes.

“What do you want, baby boy,” she asked as she continued her ministrations, slowly pumping her hand up and down. Panting now, Spencer did his best to answer.

“Y-you.. Y/N. I want you,” Spencer whined as he started to pat her arm that was in his pants. He looked back down at her with so much desperation and lust, there was no almost this time.

She gave in.

“Only because you’ve been such a good boy for me.” The praise caused Spencer to whimper, and she finally pulled his trousers and boxers down. His cock sprang free, and hit his stomach proudly. The tip was beet red and pre-cum was slowly dripping down the side. It looked painfully delicious.

“Lay down on you back, baby.” Spencer did as told, his head hitting the pillows and he fisted the sheets.

She climbed on top of him, straddling his hips. When she grabbed the base of his cock, Spencer winced and his hands shot up to grasp her hips. She didn’t stop him this time. She ran his tip through her folds teasing him, the evidence of her previous orgasm spreading around it.

Slowly, she sank down, both of them throwing their heads back and moaning at the sensation. She didn’t stop until she was at the hilt, him fully sheathed in her. She took a minute to adjust before lifting her hips excruciatingly slow.

“You feel so fucking good, baby.” When all that was left was the tip inside her, she slammed her hips back down. Spencer groaned, his grip on her hips tightening. 

Her slow pace continued, teasing him just enough to get him to pat her hips again like he did earlier.

“Please Y/N, please faster.” How could she say no to that tone of voice?

She started to move her hips with feverish intent, both of their stomachs tightening as they slowly ran towards the edge together.

Spencer didn’t know where to look. He could watch the way his cock disappeared into her tight cunt, or the way her breasts bounced in his face in time with her hips, or her blissed out face, mouth wide open and eyes hooded.

All of it brought him closer and closer to the edge.

“F-fuck, Y/N, I’m gonna.. I’m gonna...”

“Me too, baby. Come for me.” With her permission, his hips thrust up to meet hers as he shoots his cum deep in her. The sensation was the final push, and she followed immediately after, milking him of everything he could give.

She collapsed on his sweaty chest, both of them heavy panting, but neither willing to move.

“I love you so much.” She said it so simply, but still it made Spencer’s heart flutter. They’ve said it so many times, but every time he still got giddy.

“I love you too,” he said and kissed the top of her head. They could’ve fallen asleep just like that, because it didn’t matter how sticky with sweat their body was, or the very compromising position they were still in.

They were in each other’s arms, and that was everything for both of them.

____

Join a taglist here Tell me your thoughts on this part here Have a request? Send it in here

[angelicamerlinbarnes]

Okay but like I feel like Diego is the kind of person to flirt with really bad pick-up lines and Klaus is just Not Having It

featuring: Diego being a flustered Mama's boy and Klaus being a disaster dumbass and the two of them being completely in love with each other anyway

DISCLAIMER: None of the pick-up lines are mine, but the responses and ensuing shenanigans are :)

(there's fifty of these so buckle up kids :) sorry not sorry <3)

seriously though some of these are really bad

#1: He A Snack

Diego: Baby, you belong in the vending machine because you’re a snack.

Klaus: Diego you know I’m claustrophobic.

Diego: Don’t you mean Klaus-trophobic??? *finger guns*

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: I want a divorce.

#2: I’m From Hell

Diego: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Klaus: I’m a veteran addict and abuse victim who can see ghosts, Diego.

Klaus: Everything hurts.

#3: Animal Puns

Diego: *points to TV screen playing the Discovery Channel* Hey Klaus.

Diego: You’re my otter half.

Klaus: Diego those are meerkats.

#4: Stars

Diego: The stars are beautiful tonight.

Klaus: Yup.

Diego: You know who else is beautiful?

Klaus: Ben.

#5: Get Out Your Handcuffs Mister

Diego: You’re under arrest… for stealing my heart.

Klaus: Diego you got kicked out of the police academy like five years ago, just give up.

#6: Bad Boys

Diego: *leaning against the doorframe like a moron* So. I hear you like bad boys.

Klaus: Diego you cried because you accidentally stepped on a bee last week.

Diego: Well yeah but -

Klaus: You held a funeral for it. You made us all speak. You had Allison fly in from California. It was a fucking bee, Diego.

Diego: … I wear leather?

Klaus: So does every other kid who shops at Hot Topic. You’re not special.

#7: Prince Charming

Diego: Your knight in shining armor is here -

Klaus: One, that’s a turtleneck, not armor.

Klaus: Two, you’re covered in blood. That’s the opposite of shiny.

Klaus: Three, you smell like dead fish. Go take a shower.

#8: Chemistry

Diego: Did we have a class together? Because I could’ve sworn we had -

Klaus: Chemistry? Yup. Also English and math and foreign languages and history and like every other fucking thing because we grew up in the same sadistic boarding school, Diego.

#9: The Store Can’t Just Give Away Things For Free. That’s A Terrible Way To Run A Business.

Diego: I like your pants.

Klaus: Thanks. I got them out of a dumpster. And yes, you can have them 100% off.

Diego: *voice cracks* Really?

Klaus: No.

#10: Boyfriend Material

Diego: My jeans are made of -

Klaus: You’re wearing leather pants Diego.

Diego: Okay but -

Klaus: So they’re made of leather and they’re not fucking jeans.

#11: Digits

Diego: I lost my phone number. Can I have -

Klaus: None of us have phones, Diego.

Diego: I can… buy us some?

Klaus: Fine. I want my number to be 1-420-420-4201.

Diego: Baby no.

Klaus: *pulling out the puppy dog eyes* Pwetty pwease?

Diego: Fine, but mine’s gonna be 1-696-969-6969.

Klaus: I love you so much. Marry me. Have my babies.

#12: Love At First Sight

Diego: Do you believe in love at first sight or -

Klaus: If I did I’d have already fallen in love with a lot of hot ghosts.

Diego: - should I walk by again?

Klaus: You’ve been pacing for the past ten minutes, Gogo. I think if it was gonna happen it would’ve by now.

#13: You Have Fine Written All Over You

Diego: Are you a parking ticket? Cause -

Klaus: Diego I can’t drive.

#14: His Eyes Are Green Not Blue You Dipshit

Diego: Your eyes are an ocean, and I’m lost at sea.

Klaus: ... can’t you, like, hold your breath forever?

Diego: *blinks* Baby, I love you, but you’re ruining this with our childhood trauma.

Klaus: Well since you’ve refused therapy I just thought this was the next best option.

Diego: I take back what I said about loving you.

#15: Math Is Dumb And I Wish School Would Stop Teaching It

Diego: Are you a forty-five degree angle?

Klaus: Actually, because humans have non-linear body shapes, it’s impossible for their specific angles to be measured -

Diego: Are you high or have you been defiling Five’s books again?

Klaus: *blinks* Why can’t it be both?

Diego: *rethinking life decisions*

#16: Baby I’m All Yours

Diego: Do you have a name?

Klaus: Klaus.

Diego: Or can I call you mine?

Klaus: I mean I prefer “baby”, but sure.

Diego: *super wide eyes* Really?

Klaus: *melts into a puddle of glitter* Yeah, Gogo.

#17: (Not) Bookworms

Diego: Thank god I brought my library card. Cause I’m here to check you out.

Klaus: *through a mouthful of waffles* God isn’t real. We all die and rot beneath the earth to be eaten by maggots. There is no such thing as a higher power.

Klaus: *swallows waffles and takes a really loud slurp of an orange juice and chocolate milk combo*

Klaus: Oh, and the library’s closed for renovations til, like, Christmas so you’re outta luck, sorry.

Diego: I thought you met god? Little girl on a bicycle?

Klaus: Her? Nah, only Satan’s got that much sass. Plus, that wasn’t heaven.

Diego: And you know this how?

Klaus: *squishes Diego’s face with both hands* Think about it. Do you really think dear ol’ dad’s in heaven?

Diego: Can you let of my face please?

#18: Bad Move, Buddy

Diego: Are you a pre-historic fossil? Cause you’re my missing link.

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus: Did you just call me old?

Diego, backing out of the room slowly: What? No! No of course not! No, obviously no, absolutely not -

Klaus: *releases savage war cry*

Diego: *runs for his goddamn life*

#19: I Rate This 0/10

Diego: Are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only -

Klaus: I don’t know where I’m from. I’m an orphan.

Diego: Oh… I know, baby -

Klaus: And the piece of shit that adopted me lived in New York anyway. We’re in New York right now actually. Do you need a geography lesson? I think Pogo’s got a map -

Diego: Klaus.

#20: Oh Shit

Diego: If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus: *tears up* I’m nothing?

Diego: Oh no. No no no. No, baby, you’re not nothing, don’t cry, I’m so sorry, that’s not what I meant, baby - oh my god please don’t cry -

#21: You’ve Got Everything I’m Searching For

Diego: Is your name Google? Because -

Klaus: Diego. For the last time…

Klaus: My name is Kimberly Linda Aerealia Ulysses Saffron Hargreeves the Twenty-Fourth. I don’t know why I need to keep explaining this to you -

Diego, kissing him quiet: You’re my favorite person in the world, you know that?

#22: Don’t Make Bets You’ll Lose, Luther.

Diego: Luther bet me a hundred bucks I couldn’t talk to the prettiest person here. How do you wanna spend his money?

Klaus: Drugs.

Diego: Baby -

Klaus: *beams* Nah, I’m just kidding. Stuffed giraffes.

Diego: *grins* For Five?

Klaus: *nods* For Five.

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego: He’ll hate them.

Klaus: Exactly. Let’s go.

#23: Deja Vu

Diego: Have we met before?

Klaus: Yes. Obviously. Are you also high?

Diego: No -

Diego: Wait, you’re high?

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus: No?

#24: Such An Optimist

Diego: Are you a time traveller?

Klaus: No, that’s Five.

Diego: Cause I think you’re my future!

Klaus: *stares blankly*

Diego: No? Nothing? Nada?

Klaus: In the future we’re all dead dipshit.

Klaus: Because. Ya know.

Klaus: THERE’S A FUCKING APOCALYPSE COMING.

Diego:

Diego: Okay then.

#25: Please Go To The Hospital.

Diego: Are you my appendix? Cause my stomach’s fluttering and I think I should take you out.

Klaus:

Klaus: Did you drink water from the fish tank again?

Diego: *turning green* Luther dared me to okay???!!!!

#26: Suicidal Tendencies

Diego: Hey gorgeous -

Klaus: Let me guess. I should drop dead?

Diego: What?! No! Baby -

#27: Infinitely On The Naughty List (And Not The Good Kind Of Naughty List (If There Is One I’m Asexual I Don’t Know))

Diego: Are you Santa Klaus? Cause you make all my wishes come true.

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus: You have five seconds to run.

Diego: *already two streets away* Fucking shit -

#28: You Can’t Use That Every Time We Have An Argument, Tony.

Diego: Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?

Klaus: I mean, there’s one in the corner of our living room right now, so I guess?

Diego:

Diego:

Diego:

Diego: *squeaks* You - you can see dinosaur ghosts?

Klaus: I mean, there’s a chance that thing Ben’s petting is just a super deformed ostrich, but yeah, I think so.

Diego:

Diego:

Diego:

Diego: *tearing up* That’s so cool.

#29: A Whole New Kind Of Thirst Trap

Diego: I’m thirsty. But guess whose body is 75% water?

Diego: *smirks*

Klaus: *frowns*

Klaus: Hold on, I know this one…

Diego: Klaus -

Klaus: *snaps fingers* Oh, I know! Luther!

Diego: *horrified* What the fuck Klaus why the fuck would you say that -

#30: What A Tragedy

Diego: You must be a campfire. Because you’re super hot and I want s’more.

Klaus:

Klaus: Diego sweetheart, you’re allergic to marshmallows.

Diego: *tearing up* I know.

Klaus: You wanna hug, baby?

Diego: *crying* Yes please.

#31: That Can’t Be Allowed

Diego: Don’t tell me if you want me to take you out to dinner. Just smile for yes, or do a backflip/somersault/counter-spin gymnastics combination for no.

Klaus: *smirks*

Klaus: *does a triple flip and lands perfectly on the top of the bar counter*

Diego: *turns bright red* That was h-h-hot.

Klaus: *beams and jumps down into Diego’s arms bridal-style*

Klaus: *kisses his cheek* I know, baby.

#32: Merry Christmas

Diego: You’re the reason Santa started the Naughty List.

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: *pouts*

Klaus: No fair! He told me last week I was on the Nice List!

Diego: What? Klaus? What does that -

Diego: OH MY GOD KLAUS IS SANTA DEAD???!!!!

#33: I’ll Keep You Safe, Honey.

Diego: I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me instead?

Klaus: *pulls out a stuffed tiger*

Klaus: He got lost in the kitchen. Don’t worry, I rescued him for you.

Diego: *takes soft tiger*

Diego: *voice cracks* Oh. Thanks.

Klaus: *kisses his forehead* You’re welcome, baby.

#34: Excuse Me?

Diego: The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name.

Klaus, internally: Shit. What if he finds out I stole like five of his knives and all of the cookies last week?

Klaus, externally: *blinks*

Klaus: Um… Stefonopolis?

#35: I Am Not Apologizing For This One

Diego: If you were a steak, you’d be well done.

Klaus: But I’m so unique…

Klaus: I talk to the dead, Diego.

Diego: Okay…?

Klaus: *smirks*

Klaus: So wouldn’t I be medium rare?

Ben: Ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#36: Leonardo Da Vinci Was Arrested Multiple Times For Homosexual Activity.

Diego: Is this a museum? Cause you’re a work of art.

Klaus: *dancing to the soundtrack of High School Musical 3* Actually Five took me back to Italy once. Leonardo da Vinci and I had some fun.

Diego:

Diego: Oh my god. Seriously?

Diego: *looks up picture of Mona Lisa, now titled Mona Klausa*

Diego: How the fuck -

#37: Why Would You Say That Though

Diego: Am I sleepwalking? Cause I’ve only seen you in my dreams.

Klaus: *sitting on the counter and eating a donut in one bite* Are they dirty?

Luther: *chokes on a pickle*

Diego: Oh my god no -

Diego: Well sometimes -

Diego: I mean no of course not -

Luther: *praying to whoever’s up there to just kill him already*

#38: Be Safe Kids!

Diego: Can you hold this for me?

Klaus: Sweetie, you need to wash your hands.

#39: Apocalypse Averted!

Diego: If looks could kill, you’d be a weapon of mass destruction.

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: I thought that was Vanya.

Diego:

Diego, panicking: Holy shit Klaus you can’t just say things like that -

Vanya: *crying from laughter*

#40: Attractive

Diego: Do you swallow magnets? Because you’re -

Klaus: *shoves him up against the wall*

Klaus: How did you find out? Who told you? Was it Ben? I swear to god I’ll kill him -

Diego: *squeaks* What?

#41: First You’ve Gotta Propose Diego

Diego: Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?

Klaus: Diego. Did you buy me a cake?

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus: I’m waiting.

Diego: Right sir yes sir right away sir -

#42: He May Not Be A Kitten But He Is As Soft As One

Diego: If I followed you home, would you keep me?

Klaus: I’m homeless, Diego.

Diego: What? You are? Oh no, baby - you can come stay with me?

Klaus: *looks up from Disney Princess coloring book and raises an eyebrow* Is your bed available?

Diego, blushing: Ye-yeah, b-ba-baby. Whe-whenever you-u w-want.

Klaus: *smiles*

Klaus: *takes Diego’s hand*

Klaus: Okay.

Diego: *dies a little bit inside (in a good way)*

#43: It’s Just You.

Diego: Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Klaus, blushing: I -

Five: DIEGO. THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE. NOW IS NOT THE TIME.

#44: ‘Scuse Me, Mate?

Diego: You know, penguins mate for life. Wanna be my penguin?

Klaus: Eh. I’ve always been more of an iguana man.

Diego:

Diego:

Diego:

Diego: What?

#45: You Look Like… Antonio Banderas With The Long Hair.

Diego: How’s the most beautiful person in the world doing today?

Klaus: *buried in a Vogue magazine* I don’t know I’m not Antonio Banderas.

#46: What The Fuck Klaus

Diego: Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.

Klaus: *hands him a Candyland board* Here. I stole it from Pogo.

#47: You Dumbass

Diego: I hate my last name. Can I borrow yours?

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus:

Klaus: We have the same last name, Diego.

Diego: *blinks*

Diego: Fuck you’re right -

#48: Okay But Diego Would Make A Great Aladdin Though

Diego: I’m not a genie, but I can still make your dreams come true.

Klaus: *wrinkles his nose*

Klaus: You can get me a pink elephant with jaundice?

Diego: *blinks*

Diego: What the fuck Klaus -

#49: HELLO

Diego: Is that a knife or are you just happy to see me?

Klaus: I don’t just have random knives on me Diego, I’m not you.

Diego: So you are happy to see me?

Klaus: I mean you just interrupted a very riveting episode of Sesame Street, so… we’ll see.

#50: It’s Always Best To Start With The Truth.

Diego: I love you.

Klaus: *beams* That’s all you had to say, darling.

[lemonade-baby]

The only thing I’m thinking about right now is this post by @alexs-teardrops and it gives me major emotions but I also didn’t want to bombard her reblog’s so please give the original post some love (and @lookatallthosefandoms triple dog dared me and I am physically incapable of backing down from a dare)

Willie insists they go dancing once all the Caleb stuff ends because he’s a hopeless romantic and knows Alex likes dancing

Alex won’t admit that he really doesn’t know how to dance

Alex stole one of Ray’s old suit jackets that he won’t realize is gone (they’re nearly the same size)

Julie and Flynn helped him pick his outfit

it was a little hard since Flynn can’t see him but she’s got a decent memory of what he looks like and she’s a fashion icon

Willie wears something similar to what he wore in Other Side of Hollywood but not the exact same 

He’s got the suit jacket and the shorts and his hair is up in the bun he had

They meet up on the strip and Willie has a mild gay panic because “Jesus fuck Alex”

That’s it

That’s the only reason he can come up with

They “break” into this ballroom

Technically they did but Alex gets anxiety over thinking about it and prefers to say that they’re just visiting

Willie uses his lil powers to get some nice classical music going

the lighting is soft and Alex’s hair is literally almost glowing 

this makes Willie soft and he uses his hand to push it behind Alex’s ear

That makes Alex soft and its just a back and forth of heart eyes 

Willie offers his hand

He knows a bit about how to ballroom dance but he figures he’ll just follow Alex’s lead

Alex just goes “listen, I don’t actually know how to ballroom dance”

“Then we’ll figure it out together”

Alex is extremely, horribly, bad at this.

They’re trying to talk about them but he just keeps stumbling and the convo keeps stopping

He’s tripping over his own own toes and his sneakers are making that horrible screeching sound when ever he stumbles

But Willie is just giggling because he didn’t know anyone could suck at dancing this bad

Alex is apologizing and Willie just can’t stop staring at him like a dork because he’s gay and in love with this 6′ tall himbo idiot that can barely walk

“Take my hand Hotdog”

and Alex does, and straightens himself out 

“It’s pretty much keeping with tempo. That’s like your specialty right?”

Willie doesn’t know much about drums aside from the few things he’s picked up hanging with Alex

This is where the song starts 

It starts with Willie and he’s singing about how life sucked before he met Alex

And Alex joins in at the chorus (I can’t come up with one for shit so feel free to)

and the camera angle just keeps circling them like in a Disney movie

and when it ends Alex is smiling all goofily and dumbstruck in love

“see, wasn’t so bad Hotdog”

“yeah well, there’s certainly a lot to like here” (MIRRORING EP 5)

Willie is just so fucking shocked he grabs the back of Alex’s neck and pulls him into a kiss

And Alex doesn’t compute at first but once he does he just pulls Willie deeper into the kiss

and when they finally break Alex quietly goes “wowza”

I will die on this hill thanks to Owen

and Willie smirks because “wtf (questioning)” but also “wtf (affectionate)”

and there’s not much else to be said before a security guard comes in because lights and music past hours usually = burglars or something

and they instinctively grab hands

Willie feels how tense Alex is and gives his hand a lil squeeze and he calms down almost immediately

and Willie just pulls his arm a little and goes “c’mon” and they poof out

okay that’s the end and I’m crying this didn’t help my emotions at all sorry its so long but it had to be done

[liliesoftherain]

Trust Fall!

A/N: Hey guys! I got this idea off of some bnha incorrect quotes,and I had to do it! So enjoy!

Pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

“Sir, what kind of training is this?” 

You glanced at Momo as she raised her hand and asked her question before looking back at your teacher, who looked bored by the question.

“Trust exercises.”

A light buzz of conversation fluttered around the class, before your teacher huffed for your attention.

“Look, get into pairs and you’ll be conducting different trust-based activities with your partner. After you finish, find another partner and go through the list with them again.”

You did as he said, and you ended up having Mina as your first partner. She grinned at you, waving her arms around enthusiastically.

“This sounds so much fun! Which exercise do you want to try first, the truth telling one? Or what about the blindfold walk-ohhh how about, TRUST FALL!” She fell backwards and you rushed to catch her, laughing along with her once she was secure in your arms.

“Geez Mina, can you not do that? Please and thanks.”

She cackled like a hyena, standing upright while giving your shoulder a smack.

“Then what’s the point of the trust fall?? It has to be a surprise if it isn’t in a group yanno.”

“I can’t argue that. Here, let’s do the blindfold next.”

You went through a various amounts of partners, the most fun probably being Deku as he hesitated trust falling on you, seeing as you had ‘accidentally’ didn’t catch Denki right before. 

“C’mon Midoriya, you can trust me!”

“Y-yeah.. If you say so.”

It still took him a bit of convincing to get him to fully fall into your arms, and when he did you acted as if you were going to drop him and he screeched. You held onto him tighter as you laughed, proving that you really wouldn’t drop him. He only blushed as he stood upright, and flusteredly asked you to trust fall on him now.  

You had snorted in amusement as you fell forward instead of backward, hearing him freak out as he rushed around to try to catch you.

“(l/n) you weren’t supposed to go forward! Wh-what if I didn’t catch you!” He pouted, catching you in his arms.

You only laughed harder, drawing the attention of someone across the field who had grit his teeth in annoyance. You felt a pair of eyes on your form once you straightened, and turned to catch red looking at you. You waved with a grin, hoping to have him as your next source of entertainment until Aizawa called you all to go back in to get ready for lunch. 

After thanking Izuku, you walked back to the locker rooms with Mina to get changed.

“Yanno, I bet if you did a trust fall, Bakugou would rush to catch you.” Mina spoke suddenly, cutting off your previous topic of exams.

“Oh? I doubt that, he’d call me a dumbass as I fall.” You rolled your eyes, picturing the smug look on his face from seeing you hurt.

“No I’m serious! He totally would!”

“No way that’d happen, nice try Mina.” As much as you wanted it to happen, you knew it wouldn’t.

“I dare you to give it a try.” She grinned wickedly as you walked out and down the hall to the classroom.

“I don’t think-”

“I triple dog dare you.”

“Alright woman, it’s a deal.”

Who were you to say no to a triple dog dare?

Heading inside, you saw Bakugou sitting at his seat and you looked at him curiously. Would he really try to catch you, what if you raised the stakes a bit.

You snickered as you went to the opposite end of the room and climbed on top of a desk, much to Iida’s annoyance.

“Hey Bakugou! Trust fall!”

You saw how he turned to look at you with an annoyed expression.

“No.”

“Trust. Fall.” You narrowed your eyes.

“I said, no.” He glared back.

You lifted your arms out, fully prepared for the hurt that’ll come once you land on the ground, and let your body fall back.

“Son of a biTCH-” Katsuki cursed, feeling his eyes widen as he jumped from his seat and rushed to you. He knew your dumbass wasn’t kidding and you were really going to let yourself fall on the desks, why? 

Probably over some stupid dare, if he had to take a guess.

He jumped over desks and pushed chairs out of the way to get to you, catching you princess style in his arms.

“YOU IDIOT WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

You only stared up in awe, even though he looked like he was going to blow a vein, you still saw the worry in his eyes.

How cute.

“Awh, thanks hero!” You kissed his cheek and laughed as his shouting stopped automatically. Face darkening as he was caught off guard.

You blew a kiss face at him and all at once he came back to life, dropping you on the ground as he did.

“DON’T DO STUPID SHIT LIKE THAT AGAIN, DUMBASS.”

He stomped off, and even as you were whining about the pain in your behind, you couldn’t help the dopey grin that spread across your face.

“I told you so~”

“Shut up Mina!”

[buddyhollyscurls]

Thank you to my two anons who helped me decide my prompt! posting this excerpt for you guys <3

The first hazy memory that Camila had when she and Andy snuck into the Muentean mansion was that they had entered through a broken window, and once inside she almost immediately let out a loud, hearty sneeze.

“Sorry,” she had giggled when she saw the worried look on Andy’s face, “It’s way too dusty in here.”

“Just be careful,” Andy giggled back, “You’re gonna get us caught.”

Camila nodded and together they stumbled around the place, giggling and bumping into things. Okay, so they weren’t completely worried about getting caught. And truthfully, it didn’t matter if they were. Tons of people snuck into the mansion. It was said that a vampire lived here. A young vampire, newly turned, who fed on the people who tried entering. Yeah, right. It was more of a town tradition than anything. No one took it seriously, and it was something that punk high school kids did to get in the mood for Halloween.

Andy and Camila weren’t high school kids and hadn’t been for over ten years, but it had been a boring Saturday night, they’d been having drinks at the bar a few blocks over, and next thing Carmila knew Andy had started a game of Truth or Dare where she triple dog dared her to sneak into the house. And well, you couldn’t pass up a dare, especially not a triple dog dare.  Alright, so maybe, she and Andy were still immature. But what do you expect from two girls who’d been best friends since kindergarten?

They tripped up the stairs, holding onto each other for mutual support and balance, and ventured into a large room.

“This must be the master,” Camila said as she bumped into the night table.

“Oooh,” Andy said in a mock, moaning voice, “I’m the dangerous vampire.” she put the bed’s blanket around her like a cloak and stuck her arms out like claws, “Listen to them. Children of the night. What music they make.”

“That’s Dracula,” Camila responded flatly, “Wrong vamp. And take that blanket off you it’s probably so full of dust.”

Andy rolled her eyes but did as she was told, “You know, you’d think with all the money this dude has he’d hire some housekeeping service.”

“Yeah, right,” Camila agreed with a shrug, “Go figure. But what if he’s not rich?”

“He has a mansion, obviously he’s rich.”

“I guess so.”

“Anyway, I’m getting bored. And I feel myself sobering up. Let’s go.”

“Alright, wait a sec. I gotta pee. Where’s the bathroom?”

“How would I know?”

Camila sighed, and walked across the hall. She opened a door and found not the bathroom but a small library. 

“Andy,” she yelled out, “Come here!”

“What’s up,” Andy said as she bounded inside, “Find the vamp?”

“No, but come look at this library. It’s got a lot of funky stuff.”

“I’ll say.” The room had shelves of thick books a neat mahogany desk, and a large, antique globe on a wooden stand. Andy rolled the globe over, “This thing looks ancient! It could be worth some serious money.”

“Please,” Camila said in disbelief, “There’s no way that thing is actually old. I’m sure it’s fake.”

“I don’t know, what if this guy, this vampire, is set on world domination! Like, why else would he have a globe?”

“What?”

“Yeah, what if one by one he marks the countries that he conquerors! And we’re next!”

“Well, if he’s still trying to conquer places like the U.S.S.R and Czechoslovakia, he’s behind several decades. Now let’s get out of here.”

Andy laughed, rolled the globe over one last time, and they made their way to go when she noticed a large portrait above the desk.

“Whoa,” she said, “Check it out! I didn’t see that when we came in, did you?”

Camila noticed the portrait then, “No,” she said, “I didn’t.”

“So, this must be your man, huh?”

Camila laughed, “What do you mean, my man?”

“Yeah! That’s your man. You’re just dying to get some of that young, vampire dude in you!”

“You’re the one who wanted to come here so that makes him your man.”

“Nah, look at him, he’s totally your type!”

Camila inspected the picture and hated that Andy was right. The portrait was of a young guy, around their age, with dark hair, dark eyes, and a strong jawline. He wore a navy blue suit. All in all, Camila had to agree that he was in fact very good-looking.

She looked at the portrait long and hard, until she noticed that the eyes seemed to follow her, and she thought they even blinked at her.

“Jesus,” she giggled, “I must be more drunk than I thought.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I could have sworn your man was looking at us. I thought he blinked.”

“What if they did,” Andy whispered teasingly, “What if someone is watching us?”

“Shut up,” Camila said, playfully swatting her arm, “Come on. I still have to find the bathroom.”

As they reached the threshold of the door Camila sneezed again.

“Bless you,” A deep voice said from behind them.

Both girls froze.

“Please tell me you said that,” Camila whispered.

“I would but I’d be lying.”

They turned and looked at the portrait. It was staring at them, and this time Andy noticed the eye movements. “Cam,” she said, “I think someone’s watching us.”

[orangeseaside]

hopes for the new td szn

i honestly have no clue where they’re gonna take the new seasons of total drama, but ideally they bring back all the people that need to close their storylines + develop existing characters that haven’t gotten a lot of spotlight. 

honestly, they don’t even need to come back. just give us an episode to acknowledge the cast that isn’t coming back and maybe show what they’ve been up to - kinda like the celebrity manhunt one but maybe with less jail

fix gwen and courtney’s friendship once and for all. please just let them talk things out for once, and if they don’t remain friends that’s cool, but i just need their resolution

more island courtney! more assertive and putting the team first courtney!! not courtney who has no remorse about feeding people bird ppop courtney

plz make gwen finally take responibility for her actions/ actively confront her issues with others instead of just running away

please have duncan reconcile his bad boy good boy thing. he can still be snarky and pull pranks, but i wanna see him develop his self confidence/want him to grow and not care about if people see him as a bad boy or not

this has been said before but alejandro and heather as the aftermath hosts would be so funny omg (ft. harold would be great lol)

if owen is gonna be in it, give me more ridonculous race owen rather than fart comedic relief owen

can we give sierra a storyline outside of cody

if lindsay is eliminated, give her a proper elimination - and don’t write her being dumb about stuff like pushing a cart ? ? ? 

i’d love to see more eva, trent, bridgette, unferal zeke, unmutated dakota, dawn, brick, scott

beth and lindsay bffs!!

i’d love to see lightning and jo again but i feel like the writers don’t know what to do with their rivalry anymore (seeing allstars and how they were both booted early)

i don’t really seeing anything more for the mike, zoey, cameron trio. they’ve all placed really highly and have decent development. i just wish that the mal storyline was excuted better + focused less on trying to make zoey super likable

more b!! i know that characters that don’t speak have a hard time making it far, but i think that he has a lot of potential!

more justin and noah iconic quotes

more camp time since they’re going back to the island - give me them hanging out and talking like during phobia factor. give me days off!! campfire songs!! shenanigans like during basic straining!! unexpected friendships and drama outside the competition

himbo party boy geoff just for the vibes

leshawna and heather’s friendship not being forgotten

leshawna not getting deceived by random guys because she knows better than that 

chef and chris friendship. also chris and chef punking the kids and not torturing them sadistically 

bring back the summer camp talent contest challenge!!!

challenges that show off skills of competitors - not just physical ones 

bring back i triple dog dare you/say uncle

[fakecrfan]

bloop, I find many of our TMA characters very lovable. Tortureable. I mean, lovable. Definitely that one. What do you think would happen if the eye fell in love with some other people?

Oooooh yes I also find every single character in TMA amusing to torture worthy of love, so I greatly appreciate this ask! In fact I wrote 2000 whole words of this ask, holy crap. It was long enough that I posted on AO3 here, if you prefer to read over there.

Otherwise, have 5 different humans the Eye could have fallen in love with in a funny way, and One in a serious way. :)

---

Jon is tiredly washing his face in the Archives bathroom when it happens.

Nothing immediately concerning, like waking up from a coma or feeling the pull to traumatize random strangers on the street. It’s just--when he looks in the mirror, there is a little buzzing at the back of his head, similar to what he feels when he gets a burst of knowledge or compels someone. Then, like an intrusive thought, words appear.

  HELLO THERE, HANDSOME.

Jon stares at the mirror for a split second.

“What the fuck.”

Melanie gets to overhear Jon’s hysterical phone call to Elias’s prison later.

“No, no! I refuse!” he says, pacing as his voice gets increasingly shrill. “I’ve been kidnapped, blown to smithereens, resurrected, and had my free will toyed with. I’m drawing the line here. I am not  having a-a possession-induced sexuality crisis in my thirties! That’s too much! No!”

“Well, Jon, I’m afraid you can’t simply switch off whatever feelings our master channels through you.’

“Go fuck yourself.”

“Considering our predicament, it would actually be much better if you  --”

Jon throws the phone at the wall.

---

Elias is tiredly washing his face when it happens.

He looks up into the mirror and feels a buzzing at the back of his head, similar to what he feels when he gets a burst of Knowledge, or when he compels an answer from someone. And then, like an intrusive thought, words appear in his head.

  HELLO THERE, HANDSOME.

This is what Elias always thinks when he looks at himself in the mirror, so he pays it no mind.

---

“We don’t think like they do,” Arthur Nolan says.

Gertrude scoffs. “I’m not convinced they think at all.”

Before the statement can go further, the door to the Archives bursts open, revealing a flushed, disgruntled looking Elias.

“Well, how do we know that  you  think?” he snaps, his cadence distinctly un-Elias-like. Un-Wright-like, for that matter. “I mean, philosophically--you can’t know if anyone is thinking besides yourself! Various human philosophers came to that conclusion you know! If you can’t be certain of whether humans think, then why doubt whether powerful eldritch beings can?”

Gertrude squints. “Elias--”

“The Eye is definitely smart. Super smart,” Elias says, still red and jittering like a teenager stumbling for a comeback. “You’re just--you’re mean! Anyway, the Eye knows sooooo many things! So many more than  you,  Gertrude. Maybe from the Eye’s perspective  you  don’t think because your brain is sooo tiny and your thoughts are so small. Ha, ha! Bet you didn’t think of that!”  

Gertrude pinches the bridge of her nose. “I was taking a statement, Elias,” she tells him curtly. “Also, I didn’t mentioned the Eye spec--”

“The Eye is also very sexy and dateable too” Definitely-Not-Elias-Or-Even-Magnus says, bowling over her. “I hear the Eye has an eight-pack. That the Eye is cosmically shredded--”

---

Melanie expected her mental breakdown would be the end of her career. It had been awful. She’d woken up every day utterly miserable over the fact that one of her worst, most vulnerable moments had gone viral and was being watched and laughed at by millions of people over the internet.

And then, unexpectedly, her patreon earnings tripled overnight. Hundreds and hundreds of new accounts signed up and started donating. Suddenly every single video she’d made was one of the most popular on YouTube of all time, due to a sudden influx of likes from new accounts.

That’s also when the weird comments started up. Thousands upon thousands swarming the comment section of every video on her channel.

HEY HEY HEY THIS IS VERY FUNNY VERY GOOD MELANIE KING IS GOOD I LOVE HER

THE DOG GHOST JOKE IS FUNNY VERY FUNNY I LOVE MELANIE KING YES

MELANIE IS THE BEST VERY GOOD YES MORE MELANIE PLEASE

Melanie assumed it was some kind of mockery, but none of it was outwardly hostile enough to report. The thing that made them disturbing was just the sheer volume of comments and likes, from so many accounts all writing in the same style.

“This is--uh,” one of her more computer savvy friends told her. “I mean, I thought someone wrote a program to write all of these when you described them at first but… most of them are from different IP addresses. Um, it seems like the most likely explanation from a technical perspective is… multiple people collaborating to send all of these to you?”

The second disturbing thing was that the comments started to respond to things Melanie did not share on the internet… or even speak out loud.

NO MELANIE NO BREAKS POST MORE VIDEOS PLZ

MELANIE YOUR NOT BAD IT WAS VERY SEXY WHEN YOU PUNCHED THAT MAN

MELANIE YOU ARE LOVED HOPE THE ANNIVERSARY OF DADS DEATH WAS NOT TOO BAD WE LOVE YOU

And then, of course, was the third disturbing thing. That in addition to implying to have incredibly private knowledge about her, the comments started to… suggest things. Or rather, one thing in particular.

DO A MAGNUS INSTITUTE EPISODE MELANIE WILL BE FUN YES

MAGNUS INSTITUTE TAKES STATEMENTS THEY WILL BELIEVE YOUR STORY MELANIE DO AN INTERVIEW THERE

Melanie looked up the place. The Magnus Institute. Known for taking stories of spooky shit. Latest Archivist had disappeared mysteriously. Apparently the police gave the place a wide berth.

Melanie took a swig of whiskey, and decided she didn’t have much of a self-preservation instinct anyway.

---

Joshua had dealt with enough creepypasta shit during the coffin ordeal to be able to figure there was something supernatural about the Harry Potter style flurry of letters that swarmed his apartment, the ones with eyes painted all over their envelopes. He ignores them at first, which was his preferred way of dealing with this kind of nonsense, but that leads to the whole thing escalating. Now there are more letters, several boxes of chocolate on his doorstep, and… the wall has a bunch of new security cameras. The lenses seem to have silhouettes of hearts in them.

Huh.

He opens the door, uncertain about what to do with all the packages. That's when he notices his cell phone was buzzing up a storm. He checks and finds notifications peppered with eye emojis and hearts and x’s and o’s.

Well. Might as well see what the sender wants from him?

He taps the notification to see an impossibly long stream of letters.

  Dearest Joshua, my love~

He stares. The texts come in as he does so.

458 new messages.

498 new messages.

He shoves the boxes of chocolates back out, and texts back.

---

Basira is tiredly washing her face when it happens.

It’s just one thing to add to the pile of obsessive paranormal weirdness that’s been happening around her lately. She looks up into the mirror and feels a tingle at the back of her head. Her face looks… well. Not different, exactly. Her features are all the same, but she can feel that thing at the back of her head tingling, appropriating her own eyes to size her up in an intrusive, alien way, noting the softness of her skin and the angles of her cheekbones. It’s not a way Basira sizes herself up--not on her own, at least.

  BEAUTIFUL.

Basira knows, deeply, that she is not beautiful. Beautiful is a label that was always applied to other girls, ones who ran around in frilly short skirts, or put on makeup or wore sparkling things. Basira’s labels were different:  smart, practical, sensible  and most importantly  useful.

Basira doesn’t like to look at herself in the mirror much these days. Still, of all that oppressive… interest… that she’s been saddled with, the appropriation of her own eyes on occasion might be the least of her problems.

Melanie watches her, whenever Basira takes to reading openly in the Archives. Melanie’s eyes are wild these days, and she’s always muttering and pacing and snarling as her eyes dart around as though looking for threats--except for when Basira is there. Then she gets still, watching, eyes unblinking.

“Stop that,” Basira says, when she catches her. “I’ve told you I want to read alone.”

Melanie looks utterly wounded for a second, then she flips.

“Fuck you!” she snarls. “I saved you, that fucking meat man would have skewered you without me! How dare you act like I’m some wild animal?”

“That doesn’t mean you get to--”

But Melanie isn’t good about listening to reason these days. When Basira tries to get her to stop, Melanie kicks furniture and throws things. Staplers. Scissors. Usually Basira doesn’t get hit. Usually. But even when she does, Basira keeps her voice level and her feet on the floor.

(Just like Basira isn’t beautiful, she’s not someone who shakes or cries when people throw things at her.)

Jon is worse than Melanie, though. Not violent. Not irrational. Just  concerned. He tries to bring her coffee when she wants it but hasn’t asked, gives her Advil when she has a headache and hasn’t mentioned it. He blinks even less than Melanie these days, even if his eyes are softer.

What makes him worse are the questions--and the fact that Basira can’t stop herself from answering them.

“What happened?” he asks.

“Melanie. Scissors nicked me. She didn’t mean to, I think. Just was angry and didn’t think. Looked more hurt than I did when they actually hit.” Then, Basira got control of her tongue again. “Stop that.”

No reply to that last bit. Just an unblinking, soft gaze pinning her down like she’s an insect on a board. “How are you feeling?”

“Awful. I miss how she was before,” Basira can only barely keep her voice steady. “I’m mostly okay about the violence. I’ve dealt with worse. It’s just it all adds up, having everyone act so weird around me all the time. Jon--”

“You’ll feel better when you talk about it,” he says. Like he’s doing her a favor, instead of just satisfying that sick curiosity that this place runs on. “Basira, you said you’ve dealt with worse. Do you mean in your past job, or has anyone ever-?”

The second she’s done answering that one she bolts and locks herself in the safe room, pressing a pillow over her ears. She can hear Jon knocking outside, sounding so sorrowful. Saying he’s sorry and he just wants her to feel better and she needs to talk to someone.  

She’s furious with him. If she’d caught him pressing anyone else for info like that, she’d have called him a monster. She’d have threatened to murder him in his sleep. She can’t manage any of that now. Instead she curls up on the cot, shaking in a way Melanie hadn’t managed to get her to.

(It’s not really Jon. Just like the violence isn’t really Melanie.)

(Is there a “Jon”, anymore? Or is what’s left just a hollowed out vessel for--?)

Her phone buzzes. Martin, the screen says. Martin, who refuses to be in the same room with any of them, or respond to any of their texts. Except Basira.

    Are you alright?  

    Do you need anything?  

Basira puts her phone down, unsure how to respond. The timing of the text means that Martin probably  saw something, either through cameras or spooky Eye powers. That he’s just as compromised as Jon, or Melanie, or Basira’s own eyes in the mirror.

They can probably see her now, she realizes. One or another of them watching every single little twitch and lip wobble right now. The thought makes her suck in a deep breath, and school her expression into perfect stillness.

  I wish Daisy were here.  

The thought almost cracks through her calm and sends her into a spiral.

  I was always safe with Daisy.

Outside Jon stops knocking and jiggling the doorknob. Quiet. As though he’s had an idea.