#please PLEASE let there be something visibly wrong with my back so they can treat it

[tele-mesmerism]

fibromyalgia is a hell diagnosis lol no one wants to do anything for it and everyone treats you like an idiot for being hopeful or asking abt a treatment

[mrsparrasblog]

Traitor

„Please Lt, ah beg ye oan mah haun 'n' knees fur it.“

„No.“ The conversation went like this for hours, with Johnny begging on his knees for Ghost to go on a date with you.

„Please, Lt.“

„How did that even happen, Johnny?“

„Weel, me 'n' Garrick thought yi'll need tae git leid, sae we made a fake Instagram 'n' wrote bonnie girls pretending we wur ye.“

„I don't need to get laid, so tell her I postpone.“ He certainly needed a good lay, but that wasn’t something he could tell Soap. He was his CO officer after all, and the way he intruded on his privacy made him want to rip off Soap's mohawk and make him eat the hair.

„A dinnae want ye tae kip wi' her, a'm wantin' ye tae gang oan a ill date wi' her 'n' mak' her forgoat ye,“ the Scotsman said, letting his true intentions slowly slip.

„You want me to treat her badly? What's wrong with you, MacTavish?“ Simon Riley was a lot, but not a man who treated a bird badly, or else his mom would come back from the grave just to swat him, and he would have deserved that hit.

„Please, Lt.“ Johnny begged, the despair visible in his icy eyes.

„Ye like her?“ And by Soap's stunned reaction, Simon knew everything he needed to know. That idiot pretended to be him, made this naive girl want him, and fell in love with her. And now he can't have her because she is head over heels, but not with Johnny.

„Yes, please, Lt.“

„No.“

„I’ll give you my ration of tea for the next three months.“ That was something Simon couldn’t resist. Extra Earl Grey—he did worse things for less.

„Okay, I’ll go on a date with her and let her down slowly for you to comfort her.“

---------

Simon believed himself to be a determined man who doesn’t change his opinion just because of a good-looking woman. Well, this changed when he saw you waiting at the bar for him, all dolled up. Your dress matched your heels and the color of your nails; you prepared yourself for him—just for him. That was new. And when you hugged him tight as a greeting and the smell of cookies wafted into his rugged nose, Johnny's little crush was forgotten.

He was sure you wouldn’t mind; you were here for him and not for Johnny. He was better looking after all, he thought.

All he could do was listen to your sweet voice as you explained your job with excitement, how your nose scrunched when you laughed, and how you threw him those fuck-me eyes. He was curious if you’d give Johnny the same eyes if your hand touched his abs too, if you chewed on your red lips.

-----------------------------

Johnny was on his way to play the knight in shining armor for you, comforting you after the big brute broke your innocent heart. But when he walked past Ghost's room, he could hear the desperate pleas and whimpers from a woman.

„Si, please, need more,“ you moaned, trying to get him to finally fuck you after he gave you orgasm after orgasm.

„Need you to be ready for me, love.“

…

„So big, Si.“

„You can take it, love.“

And in that moment, Johnny realized he was betrayed by his best friend and brother-in-arms.

[star-anise]

now, hold still—

I'd kill for some resources on body image in the context of disability, chronic pain, and having grown up with a complicated and intense medical history. I think I've exhausted my local library's offerings. Yes, I'm seeing a counsellor who focuses on this, and he's probably got recs, but I'm pacing my cage and lashing my tail in between sessions.

"Body image" has a particular connotation most of the time, because it comes out of the field that deals with eating disorders. Which is great and I'm glad for the people it works for, but its basic principles and assumptions are for completely different problems than the one I have.

I can't track down who said it first, but in my reading I keep coming across this narrative of, "I saw my body as something to be disciplined and controlled, an object only seen by external eyes. Now I've learned to take joy in what my body can do and experience, and to see it as a site of pleasure."

...Sounds fake, but okay.

My body is a site of pain. It cannot do or bear the experience of many things. I have to exercise a huge amount of discipline and control just to get out of bed every day. I can't imagine my body being a visible object that other people might find pleasing; it's incredibly hard to look up from my continual tooth-and-nail fight getting my body to let me live to imagine what someone who doesn't live with all this shit might see.

When I was a child, I learned to hold myself very still. For a hairdresser, or photographer, or a dentist, or someone who wanted to measure my height, or an injection, or a doctor who wanted a demonstration of how one of my joints looked, or an X-ray, or an IV inserted, or a CAT scan, or to have a cast taken off, or a PET scan, or to have a wound treated, or an MRI, or to have a pin pulled out.

And you know, I got proud of that. I felt like a brave warrior in a fantasy novel. I learned to take deep breaths, and take myself in my mind away from the anxiety and unpleasantness, until I could shut down my reaction to it. So that I didn't flinch or scream or cry. Because there was something wrong with my body, and doctors knew how to fix it.

When I was getting assessed for fibromyalgia, this new doctor told me he was going palpate areas in my back, arms, and knees. I get a lot of massage; I knew what was coming. I slowed my breathing, concentrating on the long outbreath. I took myself away from my reactions and thought continually, obsessively, about letting my body droop, weightless, like the moment when your aching limbs meet a solid surface and fresh cool sheets.

"Hm, I dunno," he said. "A lot of this checks out, but your trigger point exam was totally negative. Most people, when I touch those points, they have a big reaction. Some people even scream and jump off the table."

"Well, no," I think I said. "If I'd done that, it would have hurt way more, for like, hours." And I was polite about it, because you have to be polite to doctors; doctors know how to make you feel better. But what I felt at the time, and still feel today, is a kind of outrage I labelled was unreasonable the moment it was born: You wanted to hurt me, and it's my fault for not letting you?

How do you learn how to ask for things, when you've taught yourself to lie still and cry quietly because the nurse who said they'd be right back is helping someone who suddenly needs the help more? How do you express yourself, when you've spent your whole life gritting your teeth?

The problems I have about my body are not about being attractive or thin. They are, however, about being small. Learning to cry less, scream less, and ask for less. About feeling like my body is a burden to anyone who comes to know it, and like that's a burden I can't ask other people to take on unless I'm staggering under the weight of it.

Right now, what I've got is this:

Remember, you weren’t the one who made you ashamed, but you are the one who can make you proud. Just practice, practice until you get proud, and once you are proud, keep practicing so you won’t forget. You get proud by practicing.

[lovetei]

hey , i saw ur profile and can i please ask for a favor , yesterday was the worst day on my life, i had a bad grade on my last exam for college and now i can't do what i want with my friends leaving me alone i feel like i can end my life anytime, so please if u can do the obey me boys comforting me or smth please and thanks

Omg hey, please don't say those, there are just times where everything and everyone are against you but who knows, maybe tomorrow or the next day will be the best day? Please be happy :( 🖤

--------------------------------------------------

The characters comforting you after you experienced an extremely frustrating day

Versions: Demon brothers, Side Characters

Warnings: Hyperventilating, burn out, MC feeling sad in different ways, nose bleeding, unhealthy studying behavior

Links: Masterlist

--------------------------------------------------

LUCIFER

Lucifers day is the same as usual

Wake up, eat, work, eat, sleep, repeat

But the sleep part was immediately erased from his schedule when he saw you

It was already dark outside

And everyone else has already gone on their way home

And he expected you to have done the same as he already memorized your schedule

But when he saw you, sitting on a bench, alone, inside the garden of RAD

Crying and almost hyperventilating

His none existant soul almost flew away from his body

He ran up to you and sat beside you

Just what the hell happened?

He checked around you for any visible injuries or wounds but there's none

MC why don't you answer him?! He'll help you with literally anything just talk to him!

And then that's when you shakily handed him a piece of paper

He must say that the score is low

But definetly not something to worry about considering the amount of other works you excelled at

"Is it because your score at this test..?" He asked oh so softly, his voice so low and comforting as if any sudden surprise will shatter you

You just nodded innocently

To be honest with himself, this is unlike any other exam for him where he knows or at least he got the idea of what's the answer or what to do

He's completely lost

He never saw you cry this hard before

He can't say "It's okay..." As he pat your back because its obviously not for you

So he just turned into his demon form and hugged your currently vulnerable form with his large, black wings

Hoping that the temporary comfort of keeping you,

Hiding you from the world can help you.

Don't worry, MC.

He's right here...

MAMMON

Mammon's day is as usual too

He just went out to gamble for a few games and won large prizes

He's actually on his way to your room to treat you into something nice until he heard sobs,

Sobs from inside your room

And you're there on the floor with almost everything around you in places where they should not be

Just what happened to your day to make you feel this much...

After a few second of standing there shocked

He finally regained his composure and hugged you from behind

Preventing you from furthering any damage that may hurt you too

"MC CALM DOWN!" is all he can say because it felt like he'll start to cry too if he says more

He's glad that the moment he grasped you,

You just fell into him, cometely exhausted and still a crying mess

He asked what happened and...

It's because every went wrong..?

You got kicked out of your job...

You failed a exam...

Oh...

He doesn't know what to do except to hug you and pat your back as he whispered praises and comforting words in your ears

Saying your enough

You did much more than those exams

That you mean more

And that there will always be a tomorrow

Where he'll be there

Everyone will be there to assist and support your every decision

So just take a break and let him do the rest.

LEVIATHAN

He doesn't know how to react,

He doesn't know how to react when he saw you in his tub

Buried in his blankets and pillows

Trying to quite down your cries

Without even noticing that he's there

Standing beside you

"M-MC..." He stuttered out as his hand reached out to touch your cheeks

You're crying so much...

What do he do?!

He doesn't know what to do...

So without he thought he joined you in the tub and hugged you.

His tail slithering it's way around your waist

Pulling you even closer as if just wanting to merge with you

He then hide his face on your neck and said

"I... I l-love..." He wants to assure you that he's right there and that whatever happens he will stay at the same place

And wait for you

"You... I love MC... So p-please stop c-crying..." You don't even know who's having more trouble right now

You who literally have the worst day

Or Leviathan that is about to burst trying to comfort you

But you must say...

His breathing on your neck

And his warm body totally comforts you

The blue light of the room and the sound of water from the large aquarium adds up too

When you finally respond to him saying a small "Thank you, Levi."

He'll almost tear up.

Thank you for everything too, MC.

SATAN

He knows something was up with you

The pact mark, he felt it slightly burning up

He must admit

He likes the feeling of you being connected to him

But he knows you don't feel the same way.

Wrath isn't for humans at all

So he went around the house looking for you

And luckily he saw you enter the library

Fists clutched

Darkened eyes

And gritted teeth

He's surprised

The amount of burning he felt in the pact mark is definetly dangerous

And yet you managed to keep your calm demeanor...

He didn't dare enter the library until the mark warmed up a little

He also prevented everyone from entering it too

He waited patiently outside the library

Leaning on the wall doing nothing

And even though there is nothing to do for him, the burning sensation is enough to keep him busy

But the burning fire didn't warm up

It dissappeared

And that's not normal

Could you have fainted..?

He immediately stood up from the ground and opened the door

And there he saw you on the table

Books littered on the table until there's now space

And you sitting there with a bloody nose, crying, as you try to push yourself to study

The sight is enough to break his heart into pieces

He closed the door and locked it as he slowly walked to you

And even though he makes his prescense known, and you noticed him

You refuse to even look at his direction saying "Go away... I need this."

You don't.

Punishing yourself will not cause you any good.

He pulled out his handkerchief and gently moved your face to make you look at him.

He cleaned your nose and poured you a glass of water from the pitcher he filled up earlier and left inside the library

He just kept his handkerchief in your nose and tilted your head a bit until the bleeding stopped

He then carried you to the sofa, away from all those books

Before he sat on the ground and rested his head on your lap

Kittens do these to him and it always keep him calm

He hope he does the same to you...

ASMODEUS

He knows how to comfort people he knows

But he doesn't know how to comfort people he loves...

Do you want a glass of wine?

Skin care?

Should he brush your hair?

He'll do anything for you, just tell him.

He can't help but have his heart sink when you opened up to him about how witty your day got.

But now...

All he can do is take care of you.

Put you in the tub and take care of you like a royalty

Before putting you into the bed and laying beside you

His arms and legs entangled with yours as if he never wants to let go of you

He will tap your leg and pat your back until you fell asleep in his arms

And when you finally did

He can't help but cry himself too because

"How come I don't even know what they want to do when they're sad..?"

He loves you dearly, MC

Please know it and hang a little more there...

He'll make sure this life will be worth living for you tomorrow.

BEELZEBUB

What should he do..?

He doesn't know what to do...

He felt so bad that he doesn't know who to comfort you...

So without thinking he bent down a little and lifted you up before running away.

You kept on asking him where you two will be going but he just said "Trust me."

And here he take you to a roof top of a tall building

Him and his brothers seems to own this place as the staffs address him respectfully

You and him sat on top of that place and watched as the run set and as the stars become more visible

He loves these stars and he wants to show it to you

Hoping that the stars will magically make you feel better

He doesn't like seeing you like this, it makes him feel useless.

You know how to tame care of them when they're upset, mad and hungry

But he doesn't even know what to do for you when you feel those things

But if catching these stars will make you happy, he'll gladly do so just for you

But for now

Lay your head on his shoulder and say all of things you can't

And he'll be there to listen to your every word

And if you feel tired

Rest

Because tomorrow he'll be taking you to the sixth ring and show you all the things that might make you feel happy.

BELPHEGOR

He was asleep

But he woke up immediately when you threw yourself on top of his sleeping for sobbing

He can't help but panic when you started to sob the phrase "I failed my last test..!"

And no, he's not panicking because you might fail

He's panicking because he doesn't know how to make you stop crying too

Gosh, these brothers are hopeless

He'll sat you up on his lap and let you straddle him as he run his hand through your hair

He'll then lay you beside him and use a few tricks to make you have wonderful dreams

Things that makes you happy

Things that makes you calm

For short, him.

Once you're already asleep he'll enter a part of your memory and find why you're upset.

...

He's so sorry MC.

You need him all throughout the day and he's not even there...

When he saw the teacher who gave you a low score on this project

He'll give that guy a very secret gift

One that he'll remember for the rest of his life

One that will reassure him that the guy will never bother you

Ever again.

For now, sleep tight

And let him solve this issue his way.

[sanjisblackasswife]

headcanons about the monster trio being jealous? 😏

Monster Trio Being Jealous (SFW/NSFW)

Ft. Sanji, Zoro, Luffy

CW: Ace Spoilers in Luffy, Oral Sex, Semi-public sex, Fingering, Riding, Luffy is OOC again mb, Edging, Overtsimulation

Sanji

SFW

Very fucking annoying

He gets pouty, very clingy, and unnecessarily protective

He doesn’t like seeing men approach you. It’s already an issue when Zoro—-his damn crew mate—who is around you 24/7 but now when you guys go to an island he has to “protect” you from other men as well.

Let’s say you and him were out shopping and he went to look at some food at a vendor beside a boutique you were in. Okay, now let’s say you drop something and a man came to pick it up for you. Sanji sees this because this jackass has a 6th sense of knowing a man is near you and comes in to kick him

“Are you fucking kidding me Sanji..”

“HE WAS TOUCHING YOU!”

“HE WAS PICKING UP A SHIRT I DROPPED! PLUS LOOK AT HIM HE’S LIKE 17?!”

“SO?!”

“I’M IN MY 20s!”

Most of y’all arguments are based on his jealously which is usually the first and only time Sanji is very stubborn with you denying that he is jealous. So what you can do to fix the situation is just shun him for an hour he cracks and apologizes Everytime.

NSFW

You both are heading back to the Sunny from nearly being arrested after Sanji ends up fighting the guy that also happened to be a Marine. When Sanji grabbed your hand suddenly and hit the corner landing you both in a small alleyway.

“San—MMM!”

He began kissing and sucking all over your lips like a true man in need.

The thing about Sanji is he feeds off of knowing he is the only person that can make you feel good, but when he feel challenged

Or moreso jealous

His touches are more desperate , he whines so much in your mouth for reassurance, “Please please tell me im the only man for you.”

It’s almost like his questions are rhetoric because he keeps moving his tongue in your mouth.

“San—!”

Unless you stop him he will prove on his knees to you, by throwing your thigh over his shoulder and suckle on your clit

He nearly cries inside your pussy, licking and telling you how much you mean to him, pleading you don’t leave him, and that he wants to be the only man to make you happy.

“I can only eat this pussy, right? Nobody else..”

You better tell him the truth fast before he fucks you against that alleyway wall.

Luffy

(AU where Ace Lives)

Is not a very jealous person like Sanji or Zoro, but The first time you every experienced it with Luffy was a treat.

You finally met Luffy’s brother Ace and you both hit it off so well. When you seen him again back in Wano it was like you both couldn’t separate from each other.

You had a small past fling with Luffy’s brother and though you both agreed it didn’t mean anything it didn’t stop wither of you from gravitating to the other.

And Luffy noticed this, and it made him unintentionally grumpy. He was more distracted, quiet, and focused on your actions.

Your dumbass don’t notice this, he knew about his brother and your past, but he never really cared until now. Why were you laughing with him so much? Why are you hugging him for so long?

Luffy didnt understand but he had a sudden urge to literally be on your back like a Koala. You and Ace didn’t mind it, yall assumed it was Luffy being Luffy until you grabbed Ace’s hand and your boyfriend slapped it down.

“What’s wrong with you, lil bro?”

“Nothing. I wanna see Y/N real quick.”

Nsfw

“I-i—!?”

“Hm? Why are you suddenly so…touchy with my brother?”

Words wasn’t even able to be spoken correctly out your mouth. You’ve just came and Luffy’s fingers haven’t let up. His thighs spread yours apart in front of your own mirror, his eyes barely visible, but you knew they were dark

“Hey.” Luffy spats out against your ear giving your clit a firm slap, you hiss out of embarrassment seeing your arousal splash against the tip of his fingers. “Look at me, please.”

He kept repeating the question and with each “i dont know” answer was a faster rub against your clit, or an additional finger to scissor you.

It was so odd to see Luffy not as loud as he usually is during sex. He was more focused on making you cum again and again and again mumbling how much better he is at this then anybody else to make you feel good.

“….’fuckin’ mine.”

Was the most you’d hear mumbled and groaned into your sweaty hot neck as he fucked himself into you.

Luffy didn’t even care to acknowledge his jealous behavior after he was done with you. He left to bring back some food to eat beside you as you laid on the bed a cum filled mess after being overstimulated by his fingers, tongue, and dick.

You ask if him he acted the way he did he just smiles at you and shrugs, “I just wanted to show you some love!”

Zoro

SFW

His form of jealously is being a little pissy bitch.

Like Sanji, but he’s passive aggressive towards you.

He will be very in denial about being jealous so don’t even bring it up.

He doesn’t stop acting that way until he gets over it.

Whenever that may be.

He has some issues verbally expressing himself towards you and you knew it before yall started dating so you began to know how to read his body language as a way of communicating with him.

Today must have been an off day though.

All day, absolutely all day you spent your time in the kitchen with sanji, talking with sanji, complimenting sanji. Everything that ero cook was doing you made sure to acknowledge it.

And zoro noticed.

When you finally have some alone time with Zoro he doesn’t even talk to you, just hums and grumbles. You noticed something was wrong but didnt care to ask until he walks over towards you as you’re bent over in the Crows Nest

NSFW

“Does that—fuck—stupid cook fuck you like this too?!”

“N-no!”

It was almost embarrassing how you was pressed against the cold wall, his pace not letting up. It started off so sweet. Him being so needy , kissing you, mumbling incoherent words on your skin and clingy up until he bites your neck.

Zoro manhandles you a bit more, not too much to where you’ll be in actual pain, but he isn’t afraid to move your body around in any position he desires.

“P-please ! Wait! Keep going!”

He lets out an airy chuckle looking down at your lewd damped body on his workout bench, lazily flicking his index finger on your sensitive clit. He has been so mean pulling out to stroke his cock in front of you right before you cum.

He even came on you instead.

You beg and plead at his teasing and edging up until you finally put two and two together when he says,

“Keep going? Like how you kept going back to that stupid ass cook to hang out with all day? Want me to go get him. Show him how much you need some cock?”

You didnt even realize from the beginning he was doing all this out of jealousy. Once you begin to apologize, he starts to feel a liittlllee bad and lets you finally cum on his dick.

Rest assured though, once you wake up out of your boyfriend’s arm you’re ganna give him an earful on him being a jealous baby instead of coming to speak to you about how he actually felt.

[pumpkinroll]

everything is fine ↪ obey me! leviathan x gn! reader︱drabble tags: 18+ only for adult themes, reader cheating/infidelity, toxicity if you squint, slight cuckold Levi, angst notes: just trying something different. please read the tags for warnings.

"Levi you're being so ridiculous. If I wanted Mammon I'd have been with him by now." You huffed and readjusted yourself on your bed, turning away from him and playing away at the mobile game on your D.D.D.

"I was j-just surprised to see him rushing out of your room, especially since I know you just took a shower..." Levi mumbled, he sat on your bed and placed a gentle hand on your bare leg, rubbing it soothingly.

Maybe he thought wrong, maybe his eyes were playing tricks on him.

Surely, he only imagined Mammon's hair looking slightly wet as he left. Right?

He glanced down at your robe. Did you put that on in front of his brother? Or did you change in the bathroom? Levi nervously played with his fingers and tried to shake the negative thoughts away. He was trying to do better to not be so jealous, to be good for you.

Especially since you've always treated him pretty nice — for the most part that is.

Levi continued rubbing your leg and you let out a gentle hum as the noises from your game filled the silent room.

"Damn it! I'm all out of gems! I can't do any more pulls for the newest character!" You threw the D.D.D to the side and sighed before turning to Levi, "Unless my wonderful boyfriend would like to spare a few bucks to make my dream come true?"

Levi couldn't resist the way you snuggled up to him and kissed his cheek, the way you smiled and looked up to him radiated so much warmth and love. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, handing it over to you as you squealed and kissed him once more with repeated thank you's.

"I have the best boyfriend in the whole universe! I'm so lucky to have you!"

Levi smiled as you clutched onto his wallet and put it aside onto your nightstand before turning back to him.

"Hey...y'know it's been a few days. How about we have some fun tonight?"

Levi watched as you slid your robe off, his breath quickening and he thanked the universe for letting him have a beautiful human such as you. It's not very easy to come by anyone who would touch someone like him. Someone so gross and undeserving.

Within moments the demon stripped down and eagerly waited as you laid down on your front. He was ready to kiss, bite, and lick every part of you, worship you, until something caught his eye.

It was barely noticeable but there was no mistaking it.

A still visible 'M' imprinted on your back. One similar like the chain Mammon always wore.

Levi froze.

The only way that could be there is by...

How many times has his older brother pumped into you? Did you two use protection? Has he ever finished inside?

Was Mammon better than him? Stupid stupid stupid of course he is.

The envious demon felt tiny stabs of tears ready to flow freely, but there was something else; his cock continued to leak and stood tall, throbbing.

What did you look like with Mammon exactly? What kind of faces did he get out of you and —

"Levi?"

"S-sorry I was...admiring you...give me a second,"

Perhaps for now, he didn't absolutely loathe the idea of sharing you with Mammon.

He wasn't sure what he'd do if he ever found you with his brother. Maybe he can "accidentally" walk in one day and see what happens...

divider by sister-lucifer

[sterekorgtfo]

This may be a niche unpopular ‘What If’ situation of the Daddy Kink convo we all love and what it’s inspired, but What If Tommy couldn’t match Bucks passion?

Buck and Tommy were collapsed on the bed. Buck was very blissfully fucked the fuck out. He had gotten really into the “Daddy” roleplay and was enjoying this new sex life with Tommy. He had egged Tommy on to see how much harder Tommy could fuck him, and Buck wanted to see how much his own hole could handle now that he had been more comfortable bottoming more and more.

Tommy was pressing kisses to Bucks back and rubbing his back and Tommy was checking in asking “Was that good for you? Was that what you wanted? Are you okay?” and Buck was coming down from his high before he realized something was less than happy in Tommy’s tone.

Buck rolled around and quickly caught a small glance of Tommy frowning before he quickly turned it into a smile, but Buck could tell it was performative and there was something wrong in his eyes.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Evan softly inquired with concern as he caressed the strong jaw of his boyfriend.

“Nothing,” Tommy lied with a positive cadence, attempting to hide whatever it was he was keeping from Evan, which didn’t make Evan feel great inside.

“Did I do something wrong?” Evan asked cautiously, which made Tommy visibly wince. Tommy couldn’t stand the thought of Evan feeling like he did something wrong.

“No, baby, of course not, it’s nothing like that,” Tommy quickly tried to reassure his boyfriend, cradling his face and looking deep in his eyes to let him know Evan didn’t do anything to hurt him.

“Then can you please tell me what’s bothering you?” Evan asked softly, doing his best to gently coax Tommy out of his shell he was trying to mask his feelings within.

Tommy stayed quiet for a moment, not breaking eye contact with Evan, but Buck could see Tommy trying to process something on the other side of them.

“You know I respect you, right?,” Tommy said with a strong, assertive emphasis on ‘respect’. “I love you and I see you as an equal, and it’s important to me that you know that.”

“Of course,” Evan replied with growing concern. “Of course I know, babe. You’ve treated me phenomenally. This is by far the best relationship I’ve had. You make me feel comfortable in a way none of my exes ever had.”

Tommy kind of slowly nodded, but it seemed like he couldn’t fully process the words yet. Evan grabbed his hand and that seemed to catch Tommy’s attention and stop him from overthinking.

“Is this about the sex we just had?” Even asked cautiously.

Tommy hesitated for a while Bee letting out a small not and a soft ‘yeah’. “In the past, twinks and twunks only saw me as a big man who only existed to dom them and other men built like me only saw me as competition to keep them away from said twinks.

“I like topping, and yeah, getting hot and heavy even really passionate can be fun, but….”

Evan looked at his boyfriend with concern and sadness, feeling guilty he triggered something painful inside his man for his own fun. Be braced himself for what was about to come.

“Treating you like some…object or toy and fucking you harder than I should have really…made me feel kinda bad Inside….” Evan winced a little at the confession. He didn’t consider Tommy’s feelings just because he was topping and masculine and stronger than Buck. His boyfriend loved romcoms and romance and always treated him like a gentleman. The man said he would match Bucks pace, and Buck never realized it would be possible to out-pace him.

“But I know you were really into it and you kept saying ‘harder’, ‘faster’ and I know you’ve been hinting at getting more bold bottoming and I…You never used the safe words so I knew you were okay, but it was…Kinda hard to put you through that.”

“Tommy,” Evan said with regretful sadness. “I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t consider any of this and I feel awful I didn’t,” Evan apologized.

“Please, don’t apologize,” Tommy tried to quickly say. “This isn’t on you and I am not blaming you.”

“I know you’re not,” Evan countered. “But I am going to be sorry and apologetic anyways,” Buck said assertively. Tommy was more of a people pleaser then he let on. He made it hard for Buck to ever apologize for things because Tommy would never think Buck did anything wrong. It was endearing as much as it was an occasional obstacle.

“You told me you were okay with being called ‘daddy’ and I ran with it. I never checked what exactly that entailed and what your limits were and I just assumed you’d give all I wanted to take, which was wrong of me,” Buck said. “I got swept up in the appeal of dating a big strong man who was a sexy beast and I expected you to act like one, despite knowing you’re so much more than that.

“So, it’s important to me that you know that I see you as an equal. I love you and I respect you and you are more than my personal meaty manhandler,” Buck said with insistence.

Tommy laughed, but let out the first warm smile he did this whole conversation and it made Bucks heart so much lighter and release so much tension he didn’t know he was holding.

“I do,” Tommy said. “Thank you, Evan. I want to be the type of Daddy that takes care of his boy, not uses him like a toy. Would that be okay with you?”

“Of course it is,” Buck assured. “I know you’re sometimes worried about our age gap, but I don’t only not worry about it, but I’m also not only into you because of it. And if you’re ever feeling doubtful or uncomfortable, our safe words are for you too. Even if you’re the one topping. You deserve to use those too. Promise me you’ll use them when you need them.”

“I promise,” Tommy oathed. “Thank you, Evan. Next few times can we stick with moderately vanilla missionary, and cock riding? I like being able to see your face and kiss you when I need. I’ll be able to handle a few minutes of Doggy, if need be, I just want to…make love to you sometimes, not just fuck you, and Vice-Versa.”

“Of course,” Buck said, leaning in to kiss him deeply. “I’ll never say no to making love with you if that’s what you need.”

They held each other close and buried their faces into each others necks, massaged each others backs, and both enjoyed the comforting supportive embrace of the others’ love.

[miguelswifey04]

Hi, could I perhaps request some Miguel angst/comfort where he has an argument with a soft and usually peaceful sunshine reader, in which reader actually becomes visibly angry, cuz some sensetive topic for them was brought up? But their anger isn't loud, more like quiet and ominous, and somehow it's surprises and terryfies others?

oh I LOVE ANGST/COMFORT SO MUCH <33

🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴🪴

“what’s wrong with you??!!” miguel’s voice boomed loudly. he’s scolding you in front of everyone and you can’t help but feel so small and quite embarrassed. he’s treating you like a child, and you aren’t one but he’s making you seem like one. “can you stop acting like a damn child? you’re an adult.”

“i’m sorry miguel—i know it was my fault but i didn’t know what to do!”” you hold your face in your hands as you swallow that lump in your throat. you try so hard to bit back those tears that are threatening to burst. ‘please don’t cry and make yourself look pathetic.’ you pleaded to yourself—in your mind trying so hard to convince yourself not to make a damn fool of yourself. miguel is furious with you. you could see the way his chest rises and falls quickly as his nostrils flare. though, you feel anger unveil itself in a quiet and ominous manner. you quickly feel anger pool inside your heart—rage. it catches everyone including miguel off guard by the way your demeanor changes. one second you’re begging for forgiveness and now you’re clenching your hands in fists as you give miguel a cold glare.

“why am i the one who always have to beg for your forgiveness?” the argument escalates, fueled by the seething emotions that have been bottled up within you. your typically bright and radiant aura momentarily dims, an ominous cloud casting a shadow over your once cheerful disposition. miguel, who is accustomed to your sunny nature, is taken aback by the intensity of your anger as it materializes in a chillingly silent manner.

your voice falls to a low, steady tone, almost unnerving in its quiet determination. your eyes, usually warm and inviting, become sharp and piercing, sending shivers down miguel’s spine. the contrast between your usual personality and this unsettling display of anger leaves him unsettled and unsure of how to respond.

despite his initial surprise, miguel quickly recognizes that something deeply significant has been stirred within you. he registers the pain and turmoil behind your anger, understanding that this sensitive topic has touched a raw nerve. miguel, always perceptive, realizes that your quiet and ominous anger stems from a place of vulnerability, a wounded part of your soul that demands acknowledgement.

in a moment of empathy, miguel sets aside his own frustrations and approaches you cautiously, his eyes betraying concern rather than fear. he reaches out a tentative hand, seeking to bridge the emotional gap that has emerged between you. "i...i understand that this topic hurts you deeply," he murmurs softly, his voice filled with a genuine desire to ease your pain. "i want to help, to be there for you. please...i’m sorry let’s talk about this."

for some odd reason you nod while you began to realize you were crying. you were so damn tired of it all and you just needed someone’s shoulder to cry on. miguel took you away from the rest taking you to a safe and quiet place where you could vent your frustrations. he lets you do so as he holds you close to him as he cards your hair lovingly. miguel never stops apologizing to you and realizes how he’s hurt you. he’s deeply sorry but he’s to be a better person for you even if he isn’t good at being the one to apologize. “let me make this up to you, i’m sorry for putting you through this. you don’t deserve this at all.”

———

tags: @kairiscorner <3

[cod-dump]

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CONTINUE THE “A BIT TOO MUCH” FIC PLEASE! I WILL GIVE TOU MY SOUL! 🫡🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

Oh! A soul yum! *accidentally let’s the soul slip through my fingers and it flies away like a ballon* Huh…

Also check out @ltjvega! They wrote a continuation of “A Bit Too Much” and it’s really good! You can find it by going through the reblogs of the first fic!

___

A Bit Too Much

Part 2

___

Ghost stopped trying a long time ago. He stopped trying to “act normal”, seem less intimidating, act as though he wasn’t scarred for life and could never return to normalcy. He chose to fight because he didn’t have to be human. He gained a reputation of a hard-ass that didn’t take any shit from anyone and didn’t do friends.

Then Soap walked into his life.

Soap and his confident, downright cocky, attitude. Challenging him from the beginning. Ghost, originally, couldn’t believe the gall of this man. But after a bit, Ghost couldn’t help but love how refreshing that was. The man wasn’t phased by his attitude, reputation, the mask. None of it seemed to matter. Soap treated him like everyone else.

After some time Ghost began to look forward to working with Soap. Soap who laughed at his jokes and even shot some back at him. Soap who didn’t view him as a weapon and constantly reminded him that he needed rest. Soap who teased him about how ridiculous his accent was when he spoke Spanish.

Soap who treated him human and reminded him that he was human.

It was no wonder that Ghost found himself craving to be around him. Soap would talk enough for the both of them and Ghost found himself loving the sound of his voice. He remembered being stuck with two boxes full of files that needed to be sorted and Soap offering to help. That evening flew by with Soap telling stories after stories, filling the room with life.

Ghost never thought he would find someone that he would care for again, caring for someone in a way he hadn’t in years. He engaged with Soap as much as possible, slowly opening up to him. Hearing Soap call him Simon— It took every bit of strength to not cry because of how right his name sounded coming off of the man’s tongue.

Ghost looked forward to every interaction with Soap. No matter how short the duration. And Ghost knows he has a hard time showing that he cares, but he thought he was actually putting out there where Soap could see that he cared. That Soap meant the world to him.

Then Soap just started to avoid him one day. Ghost saw him enter the meeting room and when they locked eyes he could tell something was different. There was a brief moment of Soap lighting up before he visibly dimmed. The Scot chose to sit elsewhere instead of next to him. Chose to all but run out of the room as soon as the meeting was adjourned. No words where exchanged, just that dull look in Soap’s eyes before he left.

That hurt Ghost like a bullet through the heart.

He tried to ease himself by telling himself Soap was probably having a bad day and would tell him what was up soon enough. But then Soap avoided him the next day. And the day after that—

Ghost knew that he had to have done something wrong. What else could possibly be going on? He had to have done something to make Soap not want to be around him. Was it the jokes? His blunt nature? Did Soap only hang around him because he felt like he had to? That he pitied Ghost? What did he do wrong? He’s never been good with his emotions. So he quickly turned to anger, the one emotion that he knew very well.

His rampage affected everyone. Recruits especially got the worst of it. He snapped at them often. Punished them during training if one hair was out of place. He knew he was taking his anger out on the wrong people and they didn’t do anything to deserve what he was throwing at them, but he didn’t know how else to express his feelings.

Price finally pushed him to the side after week three and told him to get his act together.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but you need to take a step back and reevaluate your actions.”

Ghost apparently rolled his eyes (not that he had a doubt that he would do such a thing, he just didn’t remember doing it) and Price huffed and forced him to sit.

“What is going on, Simon? I thought we’ve gotten past this unnecessary aggression.”

“Nothing is wrong, Price.”

“Five recruits came to me today, at separate times, because you took things too far in training.”

Ghost huffs, guilt creeping through his chest. Price sighs when the man doesn’t respond, looking down at his desk before looking at Ghost, trying to catch his eyes.

“Simon… You know you can talk to me, right?”

Ghost swallows, of course he knew that. Yet why couldn’t he bring himself to tell Price what was going on? Was it because he felt shame that he drove off his first friend in years? That he was just a walking, talking weapon incapable of maintaining a single relationship? Ghost peaks up at Price to see his concerned face, looking at him with such gentle eyes.

“I-“

Suddenly Gaz runs into the office with a recruit, “Captain- Oh! Shit, sorry! I should’ve knocked!”

Price looks from Ghost to Gaz, “What is it, sergeant?”

“Soap’s missing.”

Ghost tenses and sits up straight, turning to look at Gaz, “What?!”

“He ran off a couple hours ago and no one knows where he is.”

“Sir, he’s been gone for two hours-“

Ghost stood immediately along with Price. After security confirmed that Soap hadn’t left the base, the search was on, everyone scouring the base for Soap. While they were looking, Gaz explained what happened that set Soap off.

“He said he left ‘before something did happen’.”

Ghost heart throbbed in pain. Did Soap really think that Ghost was going to get fed up with him? Did he really not know how much he meant to him? Ghost focuses on finding Soap, hoping that he was alright and that they could clear this mess up.

After a bit they split up, Ghost heading outside. Someone had mentioned seeing Soap heading out this way but they didn’t know where he could have possibly been headed. The ground was muddy but the rain would have washed away any prints. Still Ghost searched outside, his hoodie soaked through but he kept looking. He walked through the grounds, tears in his eyes.

He was so afraid something bad was going to happen. That when he found Soap he wasn’t going to like what he found. Ghost came to the training grounds, he didn’t think Soap would come here… then again he didn’t think the man would run out in the freezing rain.

He walked through the grounds, calling for Soap. He was practically begging for the man to answer him. For him to be alright. Panic was practically rushing through his veins as he ran through, coming to the edge of the training grounds. Still no Soap. Ghost had to take off his face mask so he could breathe better considering the mask was soaked through.

He turned around and started to walk through the grounds again, freezing when he hears a noise. He turns his head to the sewer pipes that they used for training and runs over. He slides on his knee’s through the mud and peaks inside to see a huddled figure. Shaking, Ghost recognizes Soap.

“Johnny!”

The man barely moves and Ghost fears the worst. Without thinking he crawls into the pipe to get to Soap, grabbing his leg and shaking him when he had gotten close enough.

“Johnny! Are you alright?”

“Ghost?”

The soft reply sounded like music to his ears, “Yea, it’s me.”

Soap fucking whimpers and Ghost’s heart breaks. He gently crawls further into the pipe, squeezing next to Soap. The moment he touches Soap’s arm and feels how cold he was he couldn’t restrain himself. He pulls Soap against him and holds him, tucking his head under his chin. He rubs his arms in an attempt to warm him up but it wasn’t seeming to be doing anything.

“Johnny, let’s go back inside. You’re freezing.”

Soap doesn’t reply, just shakes in Ghost’s arms. Ghost tries to wiggle out, pulling Soap with him since the man wasn’t making any effort to move. He was concerned about his well-being, both physically and mentally.

Ghost gets out of the pipe and pulls Soap out, picking him up and holding him against his chest before he makes his way back to the main building. He takes him straight to medical to get him looked at, only leaving with the nurses shooed him away. He calls Price and tells him that he found Soap. It didn’t take long for Price to show up.

“Is he alright? Where was he?”

“He’s… I don’t know… He was in a pipe at the training grounds. Was cold like ice when I found him.”

Price’s jaw clenches and crosses his arms. They wait together before a nurse comes to them, telling them that Soap was fine but had some frostbite on his hands, feet, and nose and ears. But she assured them that it would heal with time and it could have been a lot worse if he was out there longer.

“Is he awake?”

“Yes, but I would let him rest. He’s somewhat delirious from the cold.”

Price nods and the nurse leaves. Ghost watches her go back into medical, snapping out of his daze as Price pats his shoulder.

“Give it time. We’ll come back tomorrow and see if he’s up for talking. Alright?”

Ghost nods, “Yes, sir.”

Price looks at Ghost’s bare face, now able to see the man’s expressions.

“Until then… Let’s have a talk.”

Ghost huffs before nodding, letting Price lead him away from medical. From this moment, the clock was ticking down until the moment Ghost would be able to see Soap again.

[gullableh]

•★  SICK🌌🪐

JULIAN. LOKI X MALE! READER.

★•° Warnings : boy x boy, cringe, very fluffy,

Swear words, fruity af.  Crack treated, like seriously crack treated

Reader is a simp.

Highschool AU

(I'm not good in french even though I got a 9-

I will use Google Translate mostly. So if youre reading this and you're french, im sorry if i made a mistake or two, you can correct me if I'm wrong ^^)

★•° summery :reader and Julian supposedly had a date. But sadly reader got sick and couldn't come. So Julian decided to pay his lovely boyfriend a quick visit, just a quick one...

★•° a fluff story so no dirty thoughts.

• usage of pet names

• relationship goals

• probably ooc since I'm not the best in   writing oc 

Music you could listen to while reading:

------------------°•©

Écoute chérie; 

Vendredi sur Mer

              The moon will sing;

                                           Angus & Julia stone 

Back to the old house;

The Smiths                     

              Lamp;

                                                     Yume Utsutsu

                

                                (Enjoy ^v^)

----------------------

Readers pov:

*Sigh*

This. Was. The. Worst. Oh you wanna know what happened? Oh well you probably already had read the summery, you still want me to tell? Okay sit down and listen carefully. Also next time read the summery some people aren't as generous as me to explain why my day is ruined. And the people who have read the summery. Good job here have a cupcake *gives the cupcake to you* ^v^

Anyways where was i? Oh yeah, listen carefully...

It was any normal day, I woke up went to school met up with my lovely boyfriend🥰

And I remembered after school we have a date, great right? Well I'm not finished.

After school I went ahead to go home and get prepared for my date with my boyfriend. 

I got home, had an outfit ready, and I was about to go when suddenly.

*Chough* *Chough*

I have no idea if mothers have mother senses (it would be cool if they did) but as if she had a spidersense of her own she grabbed my arm, shut the door and made me sit on the couch.

Then she went on a full on ten minute long lecture about how I was sick and that I should stay home. Wait stay home? But I was about to go on a date. Mother couldn't possibly do this to me, oh but she could.

Well anyways, now I'm here in my room, in my bed all depressed because I couldn't hang out with my boyfriend )': I had already told him, well, texted him that I wasn't able to attend our date since I was SiCk. Oh please, as if I would die.

I was moping in my bed all pouty, from disappointment because I couldn't see my boyfriend, but also from pain. (stupid migraine) It was I think around somewhere in the night, after dinner. when I heard something. I stopped moping and listened carefully where that sound came from

*Tick* *tick* *tick*

It was as if someone was knocking against glass, again I stayed quiet and listened attentively

*Tick* *tick* *tick*

Wait it sounded like it came from my window. I got up from my bed, fear slowly creeping up, I went to my bedroom window, and shoved the curtens to the side slowly, and then i saw....

Third person pov:

There he was, Julian Loki Infront of your window, the best soccer player in your school, also one of the kindest people in your school. And most importantly, your lovely boyfriend that you where thinking about the entire day.

A smile made its way to youre lips, but confusion was visible on [readers] face. What was he doing here, it's somewhere between eleven o' clock and twelve o' clock, shouldn't he be home alseep? Worry was also evident on the boys expressions. [Reader] quickly opened the window and let him in.

"Julian what are you doing here?"

"Mon chéri, sorry I wanted to come here earlier but my mother wouldn't let me out of the house."

He said with a sweet and gentle smile towards you. You see why I'm so smitten over this guy? 

Julian is always so sweet and gentle, he's like that towards everyone, but towards you he is even more gentle.

"Speaking of, why are you up so late?

You said you where sick, you should be resting Mon amour."

He said, he spoke with such a gentle tone, it was angelic, he was an angel that's why. He ushered you to bed like a mother would to their child. And you being such a simp for you're boyfriend, obliged and laid down on you're bed. Oh yeah did I tell you that he had a bag with him, well he laid the bag on the ground and started to rummage trough the supplies in the bag. He grabbed what seemed like medicine and food, that could help [reader] with his sickness.

"I also might have paid a quick visit at the infirmary."

He said with a smile that could blind you because of how bright it was. He grabbed a container with some liquid stuff, probably soup.

"Have you already eaten? It would be great if you did, but that would mean I bought this for nothing"

He said with yet again, another blinding smile.

Because of the stupid migraine and the fact that the sickness made you not hungry, you nodded you're head a no. You where indeed hungry but because of the sickness, you felt like throwing up everytime you're nostrils smelled the slightest bit of food.

"I'm not hungry, thank you Julian but there was indeed no need"

That was a big ass lie, and the both of you knew that all to well, he looked at you with a worried expression, yeah there was no way that he didn't know I was lying

"Mon chéri please tell me the truth"

Yup, now I feel guilty about lying yippie :'D

I took a deep breath and told him the truth, that shows how much of a sucker I am for this man. He again looked at me with a worried expression on his face.

"très chère chérie, if you want to get better you should eat healthy things, i don't like seeing you sick and in pain."

He gave me a sweet smile, but behind that smile was clear that he was still very worried.

I smiled at him back with as much gentleness.

"Im sorry Julian, I didn't exactly mean to lie, it just kinda slipped-"

"It's all right Mon amour, just please don't lie to me like that again."

He cut me off before I could even properly apologize, I smiled at seeing his gentle smile reapearing on his lips again. He grabbed the container with the liquid stuff in it, he opened the container and low and behold chicken soup. He grabbed the plastic spoon that was in the container with the soup.

"Open you're mouth mon chéri I'll feed you."

He said with a smile as if he didn't say the most flustering thing, I felt my face heat up specifically my cheekbones. The spoon with the chicken soup was right Infront of you're mouth, slowly you opened you're mouth a bit, until it was wide enough for the spoon to fit, for some reason this felt so embarrassing even if there weren't any people around, it was just so embarrassing being fed by someone. A while later and the soup was finished, you felt a bit better now that you weren't hungry anymore, but the migraine was still haunting you. Luckily you're savior in need is here to help you from you're misery.

Julian again rummaged trough his bag that he had brought along with him, he let out a small 'aha' as if to say that he had found something. He brought the thing out of the bag and let me have a closer look, it was painkillers, he really though of everything.

"I've brought some painkillers."

He wouldn't stop smiling, as I said such a sweet angel. He gave you the painkiller and abit of water to drink with, in one swift motion you chugged the painkillers with the water down in one sip. The painkillers where helping a bit but not as much as to make it completely go away.

"My head still hurts"

"Would you like me to massage you're scalp Mon amour?"

Definitely did not expect him to suggest that, but who would say no to that offer? So you nodded youre head with a smile and gestured for him to sit next to you on the bed, I patted the empty place beside me, he made his way towards me and then sat next to me on the bed. He laid my head down on his chest, so that he could carefully massage my scalp while I was in a comfortable position. My head was laying on the side where his heart was, his heart beats where so soothing I could just fall asleep. Not long after did his hands began to gently massage my head, all of this was so very calming I could already feel myself geting tired and sleepy slowly and slowly.

"Is this alright mon chéri? If you're uncomfortable just tell me alright?"

I was already half asleep so I just let out a small 'hmm' so that he would know that I was still listening to him. He laughed at my tired state, he looked so adorable while laughing.

"Goodnight mon vie"

He said before giving youre lips a small peck. Not caring if he would get sick later, all he cared for now was that you where comfortable and safe. The rest didn't matter all that matter to him was you. 

Fin:D

★°•BONUS+

THE NEXT DAY

 you woke up from a very nice dream, you felt much much better after last night, guess Julian took very good care of you. you expected to wake up in you're own bed wich you did, but you specifically woke up in someone's arms, Julian's arms. he was still sleeping, so the ever so kind boyfriend you are, you let him have his rest and sleep. And seems like he had it enough because not even a minute after you woke up, was he starting to wake up. His eyelids slowly lifted up, revealing his golden brown eyes. They look so beautiful in the morning. He looked at you before a smile was forming on his lips, how cute this moment was. 

"Morning mon soleil"

Two boys waking up from eachothers arms, oh how adorabl-

*Chough* *chough* *chough*     

That was not me I swear. Oh it was julian, seem like he got invected when he kissed you goodnight last night....

Well then, atleast now you could repay him back with taking care of him this time.

Fin (fr this time)

-----------------------

This was so crack treated and cringe, I apologize if you felt second hand embarrassment-

[zhvakinnn]

Stop

Y'all need to stop harming yourself that's all

Logan fields x GN reader

Friends to lovers

Angst to fluff

Warnings: self harming, attempt suicide, harsh words

✨as always i don't know much English so if something is wrong correct me✨

"What the hell are you doing"

You look back at Logan

He looked at you with widen eyes as you were stepping at the edge of the building he only stared at me before speaking again

"do you want to kill yourself?"

The words coming out of his mouth was speechless

"why?"

At this point you can't say anything else you just turned around again and looked down

'why?' the words won't disappear, you began to question yourself aswell, why?, why do you want to jump, why do you want to kill yourself?, why... He isn't stoping you

My head and body are already ripping apart my head is telling me to stop yet my body is telling me to jump my head is full of thoughts i close my eyes for a minute till

"i wouldn't let you do that" my eyes open and looked at him

"you.. won't leave me.. right?" His voice breaks as he started to kneel down now his tears were visible

"you need to be here" that was his edge till you can hear him sobbing and sniffing

Your eyes are widen as you watch him cry from afar

You were shock when your own body is walking towards him and just stand there looking at him

You watch him cry as he kept mumbling something, you kneel down and hugged his back

"im sorry" was the only thing that came out of your mouth, why were you saying sorry for?, you didn't do anything wrong right?

"please don't leave me, im not ready for you to die yet"

'why don't you just kill yourself you little brat'

' seriously?! You think cutting your arm is gonna make me feel guilty to you?!'

' your such a worthless child! You know your cousin is way! More better than you!'

' you know when i was a child my family were poor and i work hard everyday i never got to finish school and i wasn't depressed WHILE you're here crying over some shitty tiny problems!'

That was it you remember all of the things those harsh comments that you forgot that theres still someone for you and that someone is

Him

Now that you realize why your sorry, you know now why your sorry

Because you forgot about him

'you look beautiful today'

'there now you won't feel insecure about your scars'

' hey! Did you eat today?! Or drink? C'mon my treat!'

' here let me help you don't pressure you're m'kay?'

You remembered his soft voice were now breaking

"im sorry" "please don't be sorry"

When he raised his face he quickly wipe his tears but you stopped him

"don't be insecure about how you cry" you said cupping his face now that you both have teary eyes look into each other

He raised his hand to cup your face

"please don't leave me, im always here for you no matter what, out of all the colors there are your my favorite one, out of ALL the students in school i chose you"

What was he talking about but his words

He took your hand and kissed the fresh cuts

You hiss in pain but you quickly forget it when the butterflys in the jar flew to your body

"I'll stay longer by your side than your scars"

"i love you too"

Please stop this self harm i know its hard but you can survive this mkay take care of yourself and drink lots of water and eat don't starve yourself

I need a hug

[dilfsaresohot]

tous le mêmes

james potter x deatheater!black!f!reader

warnings: language, angst, they just wont listen to each other (stupid mfs) lmk if i missed any

english is not my first language

constructive criticism is appreciated

summary: sometimes keeping the truth to yourself can save your tears.

word count: 1,1k

a/n: this is my first fanfic ever so i hope i didnt fuk up too bad lmao, possibly part two (??)

✁

“…and then siriu- are you even listening to me?”your boyfriend was rambling about his day for about fifteen minutes and you weren’t listening. you couldn’t. not when you were keeping such a awful secret from him. your conscience and heart were telling you to let him know as soon as possible and let him decide. but then the thought of his reaction, his heartbroken expression, the grief in his eyes, soreness painted all over his handsome face and stinging pain he would’ve felt was enough for you to know what was going to happen.

“merlin, stop being such a baby, i don’t give a shit about your stupid pranks. shut up already and go bother someone else.” you snapped.

if you didn’t want him to love a monster, you had to make him hate you.

“w-what?” he wasn’t sure if he heard you right. why were you so mean? did he do something? or maybe you were right? he should stop telling you every smallest detail about his life.

“you heard me. leave me alone i’m sick of this. i’m sick of you.”

judging by his expression he wasn’t going anywhere due to the shock he felt, so you decided to be the one who leaves.

✁

“have you told him about it already?” your brother, regulus, asked. both of you had to give up your dreams and live up to your parents expectations. you could not do anything against their will, because of the consequences that you would have to deal with. why weren’t you more like your other brother, sirius? why couldn’t you be rebellious just like him? you were a coward.

there’s really no way of winning, if in your own eyes, you don’t deserve it.

“no.”

“well, are you going to do that?”

“do i even have a choice?” you asked, even though you already knew the answer. “you know what?” you were met with his questioning face. “i’ll tell him right now.”

he couldn’t say anything else as he was met with black smoke and you were gone.

✁

teleporting to prefects bathroom you sent your animagus, which represented a black cat, to james with a message saying meet me in our bathroom.

soon after you were met with a sound of running footsteps from behind the door. when james barged in, all of your confidence was gone. but it was not you who was important. it was him and his safety.

after a few moments in silence you decided to do what you had to do. “i have to show you something, but please, let me explain before you judge me. ” to say he was confused was a understatement. maybe, just maybe, in the back of his head he knew what was going to happen. but right now he didn’t really think about it.

“love, i could never judge or hate you, just please, show me. i’ll understand.” oh how wrong he was you thought.

pulling up your left sleeve, an ugly, dark mark was visible. you turned your head to the side, because you knew you wouldn’t be able to stand a look on your lover’s face. when he didn’t say anything, you dared to look at him. and it was a mistake. the way he looked at your arm was so hurtful to both of you that you couldn’t stand the tension in the room anymore.

“i-i didn’t want i-“ you were cut off by his words.

“no, no, you didn’t. y-you couldn’t, you wouldn’t be abl- oh merlin, why? why y/n?”

“james, let me explain, please! i never wanted it. i’m sorry for the way i was treating you lately. i just- i thought that if i was going to make you hate me, it would be easier, i-“

“there’s no need to.”

“w-what do you mean?” you asked, trying to stay calm but your own body betrayed you.

“because i already do. ”

his words cut like a knife. you could literally hear your blood running in your ears. james’ cold expression sending shivers down your spine.

“you don’t mean that. i can help us! can’t you see what i’m doing? what am i sacrificing? for you! just so you can be happy! i’m doi-“

“can’t you see what you’re doing to me?” the way his voice broke was your last straw. you vanished just like a coward. the coward, the snake you truly were.

✁

“that’s not fair! that’s not…not fair…” quiet sobs were heard from the prefects bathroom when sirius passed by the door. he was walking around the hallways, searching for his best friend. worried for him, he gently knocked on the door.

“prongs…hey, are you there? you okay?” the eldest black brother asked worried. he has never seen james in such state, he wasn’t the type of person to be open with his negative feelings.

the sobs quieted and water splashing on the cold sink was heard. now, sirius was siriusly worried. what had to happen to make james so miserable? he was always the sun in their friend group. whenever someone was in a bad mood, james was always first one to be there for them and lighten up their mood. so sirius was going to be a james for james.

“alright, i’m coming in!”

“they are all the same.”

“what the hell happened?”

✁

you were sitting on the astronomy tower, feet hanging over the barrier, cigarette in your right hand. there wasn’t anything going through your mind right now. your head was totally empty, you just couldn’t bring yourself to think about anything else than…exactly. every time you wanted to keep your mind busy, it lead to thinking about the mess in your life. you were only sixteen. how come your life was so bad already? what did you do to deserve it? you had no idea. everything went downhill so quic-

“y/n? y/n/n is that you?” you heard a familiar a voice followed by footsteps from behind your back. “hey, is that you? did you tell jam- whoa, what happened?” he asked even though he already knew what was going on.

you smiled, but your smile wasn’t the happy one. “well, long story short, everything is fucked up. but y’know what? i can’t blame him. i mean- i wouldn’t react any better, if i found out that my boyfriend is on the opposite side of the war.” regulus sat right next to you and put his hand on your shoulder in reassurance.

“oh y/n/n, i’m so sorry.”

“it’s not your fault”

“i know, but i still am.”

the siblings sat in silence, watching the stars and chasing answers to their questions, that were never to be answered.

✁

[god-has-entered-my-body]

i’ve only recently stumbled across your blog and it has been the biggest treat ever. mpind throuple is making me sweat but is also so sweet. i’m feeling so spoiled with all the filth but my hurt/comfort roots were wondering if you’d ever feel inclined to write something about mpind!matty getting overwhelmed/ stuck in his head/ upset during a session and george + girlie helping calm him down? or anything along the lines of that? if that’s not really your thing then please disregard i’ll eat up anything you post anyways😁🩷🫶🏻

of course babe!! thank so much for taking the time to write this it really means a lot, so heres a little snippet for you xx

I can see how Matty might get in over his head at times, desperate to please and show off and be paid attention to and that leads to situations where even he doesn't know his own limits.

It'd probably be during a particularly rough sesh, you pressing him face down into the mattress, fucking into him as his head rests in George's lap, cheek nuzzling the bulge in his trousers.

Matty is a crier, a frequent one at that, but there's a big difference between his tears of pleasure, and ones of pain or discomfort. As whines and gasps spill from his lips, George's hand in his hair might grip tighter, your grasp on his waist even harsher as the sheer force of your thrusts moves the bed, the headboard banging against the wall.

"Doing so good for us, beautiful, so fucking pretty." George coos, the sight of Matty writhing and hiccuping from the pure pleasure he's experiencing getting him incredibly hard.

Matty can only answer in choked gasps, hands gripping the sheets so hard his knuckles turn white, and he gets a bit quiet. That's the first sign something is wrong. Matty is incredibly vocal, babbling and talking back all the way up to his climax, never letting up no matter how well you try to gag him. So when he goes silent, George immediately cups his face, brining it up into view.

Matty had been crying, but he can tell it was that good kind of crying, his eyebrows knitted together and eyes vulnerable in a way that cant be put into words. "M'sorry, I can't-" Matty speaks, his voice shaking uncontrollably.

"I'm so sorry, i don't want to ruin it, I just-" he hiccups, shaking his head at himself in disappointment. "Matty, do you want to stop?" You ask from behind him, feeling your heart drop into your stomach.

"I think we need to, he doesn't look well." George says, wiping off the remnants of Matty's makeup with his thumbs, mascara mixing with glittery eyeshadow as George's heart breaks into a million pieces along with yours, shattering at the sight of Matty's apologetic expression, like he had been the one who'd done something wrong.

You slip out of him, immediately getting tissues and your clothes as George drapes a blanket over Matty, who is now laying against his chest, a thousand yard stare visible in his eyes as the blonde whispers comfort into his ear, rocking him back and forth as if he were a small child.

"You're safe Matty, you want to tell us what happened?" Matty nods his head tentatively, his words getting caught in his throat. "It was too much. It felt good, i swear, but something just-" you cut him off "Didn't fit right? What was too much for you, baby?"

"All of it." George makes eye contact with you, a silent exchange happening as Matty blinks back to reality, coming back to the present moment.

"You know you can always tap out, yeah?" he asks, running a rough hand through his curls. Matty looks genuinely confused, cocking his head to the right. "I can? You wont be mad at me?" You sigh, scooting nearer as Matty leans into your embrace, his tears wet against your top. "Of course baby, why would we be mad?"

"Because I ruined it, wasn't good enough for you." his tone of voice twists the knife, and you hold him close, letting George say all the things you couldn't.

"You need to know when you've reached a limit, and that you can tell us." Matty nods, a look of shame creeping onto his face as george continues. "We love you, so so much, and we need to know we aren't hurting you, ever."

Matty sniffles, nodding in agreement and George just stares at the two of you, a look of love in his eyes. Thunder claps softly from outside, a flash of lightning shooting through the opened curtains as you all hold each other, whispering quiet "i love you's" into the darkness

[therealslimshakespeare]

Alright I am going in!

Bucky’s keen eyes showed the moment it dawned on him, his eyebrows shot up and his mouth sagged and he ran a weathered hand over his face

Ok first of all, Bucky’s initial reaction to asking her was very special to me. I liked that he also had this reaction because he wants her safe and he doesn't necessarily LOVE the idea but he knows she can do it and so thats what makes it worth it, as proven here: Bucky grounded aloud, “Nah, nah she’s -Lu would solve it.” he muttered

The way his Buck swallows hard and dry contradicts his words, “I do remember that.”

This was just so sweet to me oh my god. The way he just wants her safe and out of danger, these two are SO special to me🥹🥹

“Really?” Bucky’s mouth gives a soft smile of doubtful incredulity and Gale mimics it, mournful but a smirk all the same, “Feel like she should answer to ‘Gale’s Baby’ these days. Lieutenant Smith who?”

LMAO given what you’ve said about Bucky’s fatherly projection onto her AND him teaching her to drive, this is so funny to me. I LOVE IT. 😭😭

“No really, she’s an officer and she wants to be treated like one. It’ll do her good to have work. Her kinda work.”

And this! I love this, i know we say Gale is the one who knows her but I’m soft for Bucky emphasizig this about her!

They found Lu with Murph and Benny and Brady, measuring out what seemed to be lot lines between Love Shack #9 and the next combine, boot scuffed perimeters already visible in the light snow and drawn in a decently tidy rectangle.

OK THIS THIS THIS! The garden! Yay I love them. And! The way Lu is already being Lieutenant Smith here 🤭🥹

Bucky sniffed, a casual set to his body that belied his quest, “Just the little one.”

This is just precious, sorry!

Smith promptly looked startled, then eager. “All well Majors?”

AW precious again!! Startled and then eager, sweet girl 😪😪

“Need your advice on the color of my cufflinks with this suit.” Bucky extended his arm and beckoned her, “C’mon back in for a minute.

Also I don’t know why I found this so cute but! What can I say…

the Buckies stood over Smith’s small frame as she sat at the table and inspected the simplistic device with keen eyed appreciation for the construct.

This! Like the scene of her between them on the forced march, this is one that I can see so clearly😅😅 Them towering over her as she does her thing. And her knee eyed appreciation 🥹🥹

“It’s really marvelous.” she assured Cleven, running her fingers over the carefully coiled wire and precarious pin.

SHE IS SO SWEET

Gale didn’t even crack a smile. “What’s wrong with it?” he asked instead.

Poor Gale but. The way this showed the confidence he has in her brain just took me out.

“Take your time, Lu.” Bucky spoke up

My heart is melting sorry!

Lu pressed it to her ear, not to discern what was quite obviously radio silence, but to imagine the whole process in reverse, track it down the cord all the way to the base, each possible breakdown of the conduction.

THIS! THIS! The way that you describe this and her intelligence and her intuitive ability! I love!

Smith bit her lip, “We need sulfur added. Lead won’t conduct on its own.”

Love my genius baby 🥰🥰

“If I had sulfur we could add it to the lead dust, ignite it and- burn it down and you’ve got something close enough to Galena. Just need a pinch of it should work.”

Love my genius baby part two!

Ya sure that’s it?” he asked Lu once more. She gave a helpless little shrug. “Gotta be. Or the wire’s dirty. Where’d it come from anyway?”

Ok but I love her confidence in herself and her smarts and her abilities? Like she’s so eager to please but she knows she knows what she’s talking about. I love that!

“We should let it sit.” Lu surmised, her big dark eyes surveying the burnt bowl and their smoking experiment with glittery excitement at the possibility of success

I just adore this. Adore this so much. Because it’s the combination of, us being in awe at her brain and her talent and her competence but also- she’s so excited about it?! Like glittery excitement omg aw I can literally SEE her eyes 🥹🥹

Even Major Clark had joined them in the barracks for this final try and Lu’s cheeks were maroon from the attention even as her deft hands steadily pressed her concoction beneath its intended rod.

THIS!!!! THIS IS THE EPITOME OF HER!! Shy from the attention but confident in her ability because she is just THAT smart! Also! I love Colonel Clark being there 🥰🥰

“Pass me the pliers, sir?” She asked and for a moment, the teacher became the apprentice

This is just another line that is insanely cute ugh Gale and Lu I love youuuuuu

“You could check your look in this wire’s reflection.” She complimented Gale’s buffing of the copper wire

SWEET GIRL AGAIN!!!! She’s so kind hearted AH

Gale picked up the headphone from in front of him on the table like it was a gun he was about to bring to his head. “Here.” He extended it to her instead, “S’right, it was your job, you should be the first. Cmon.”

I LOVE THIS! He wasn’t in the best state of mind for this fic and he was so stressed but even amidst all that, he still handles her with so much love and care 🥹

For a good ten seconds everyone in the room held their breath as Smith pressed the headphone to her ear and gently wiggled the clothespin along the wire, searching and tuning, her face holding that old peaceful concentration they hadn’t seen since the last mission. She was at home with her mind tuned to another dimension. The pilots in the room knew that look, that was the look of someone at home with something that terrified them all the same, the gut swooping feeling of clearing the take off and sledding along the tops of the clouds. Wrong and strange and utterly incomparable to others, it was the closest to home one’s mind could be. Lu belonged somewhere on those electric currents and searching them out was like finding oneself again.

Then at last, Lu’s eyes sharpened out of their dreamy haze of concentration and she said, gentle as always, “It’s the BBC sir.”

Ok and here, words fail me. Truly words fail me to explain how incredible this part was. Ugh. The way you described her peaceful concentration and her dreamy haze. I can literally SEE IT. And that LAST LINE. I loved it so so so much. Like adored it an absolutely insane amount. Wonder baby pulled it off 🥲🥲

This whole fic was so lovely and so beautifully written and I just wanna thank u for writing it and sharing it 🫶🏼

OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH - I got myself a live blog synopsis review on losing my damn mind this is my favorite thing ever, I write in hopes of these sorts asks. For real tho, this is peak happiness, this is like me getting to read an update. Babes, thank you and I’m so happy you liked it ☺️🥹

[darsynia]

Just Right | Ch 3

(Steve Rogers x F!Reader, post-Ultron Multichapter)

Summary:

You’ve been in love with Steve Rogers for at least a year, but he treats you the same way he treats every other member of the team– with respect, but nothing more. It takes an inter-dimensional mistake and a whole second, more assertive, actually interested Steve for you to realize that you don’t want just any version of Steve Rogers– you want the one you’ve been pining for all this time.

Length: 3,119

FIC MASTERLIST | LAST CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

Dedicated to @ronearoundblindly who is the bestest! This story will be I THINK about 5 chapters, but don't pelt me with chickens if I'm wrong please!

Excerpt:

“What if it were you, Tony? Would you accept staying home and ‘out of the way’ if you could help? Or would you be threatening to fly there yourself?”

It’s Steve’s voice, but the context tells you it’s Gold Steve.

“You want to waste all the time I’ve been spending inventing a dimensional portal? Your me already has one! I’m not interested in being invaded by a pissier other self who’s raring to kick my ass for losing you.”

“If it’s not safe for me, it’s not safe for him,” Gold Steve points out.

An almost identical voice responds directly afterward. “It’s plenty safe.” There’s more talk, but you need to pay attention to your own intense little meeting, so you refocus on that.

“Hey, Brigandine, you wanna c’mere for a sec?” Stark calls out, right as you’re following the others out the door.

“Go on, plan for an extra person,” you whisper to Aeronautics, and turn around. Multiple Avengers are looking at you expectantly. “No, no, and no,” you groan, taking in Stark’s stubborn expression. “You’re making me the tiebreaker, aren’t you? No.”

“It’s in your contract,” he says with the supreme confidence of a person who knows there’s no time to check his facts.

Chapter Three

You’re trying to figure out how to dodge Gold Steve’s question and reconcile your mix-up of the two Steves when an alarm goes off.

The alarm.

It’s a call to assemble, telling everyone in earshot something’s happened that some or all of the Avengers can help with. That it’s happening at all is a compromise with Secretary Ross, the culmination of a month-long excruciating negotiation that allowed Steve and Natasha to stay out of jail, that lets Clint be a part-time Avenger and not have to choose between his family and heroism (though if he knew you were even thinking of it that way, he’d punch you in the shoulder. Hard), and loosely soothed the gaping wounds between the team, for the greater good.

Basically, the Avengers have an uneasy truce with the governments of the world, and you’re grateful for it-- but this is the first time that alarm has gone off since that agreement, the Modified, Extended Sokovian Settlement, as Tony calls it. The MESS.

You whip the towel off of your head and see that Gold Steve’s alert and concerned. Everyone else at the compound will know what to do, you’ve all trained for it. Everyone but Gold Steve.

Swearing under your breath, you grab his arm and head to the door, scanning your badge to open it.

“There’s not a silence protocol that goes along with that, is there?” he whispers as he follows you through multiple corridors to a second door.

“Nope.” You reach the building with the gathering point, and the two of you wait in the line to go inside.

“Technically, we could get in faster if I picked you up and speedran to the back door,” Gold Steve muses. Out loud. Where other people around you hear it and turn to look at the two of you.

“Funny,” you say tersely, hoping the turbulent terror in your stomach isn’t outwardly visible.

The MESS protocol designates each employee a level, and your meeting point depends on that level. Your level happens to be the highest there is, with the actual team, so you’re prepared for the feeling of unreality when you walk in there and see all the Avengers who are currently on-campus arrayed around the table. What you didn’t expect is for you and Gold Steve to be the last through the door, meaning all eyes are on the two of you as he pulls out a chair for you and finds a seat of his own. 

As one of the high-level support team, you and a few others need to be present for the decision making, which made sense to you when reading the documents but now that you’re in the room, is both cool and intimidating. You’ve gotten to know most of the Avengers on a personal, friendly level, but individually, as they’ve met with you about their gear, but this? This is different. This is serious. You feel incredibly out of place.

You fix your gaze to the table as you hear some of the others in the room greeting Gold Steve before Maria Hill starts the breakdown of what’s happened.

It’s bad. In a combination of a radioactive event and possible HYDRA activity, local authorities in Romania have detected high levels of Cesium-137 in an abandoned factory that’s been doubling as a junkyard for years. They’ve contacted the Nuclear Regulatory Commission for assistance, who are already on site. The underground complex they found on the site wired for electricity has set off alarm bells, and, well. Why overspend your containment budget when there’s a group of people who can take those risks for you? A group that desperately needs a win?

You’ve been sneaking glances at Gold Steve, feeling conflicted and guilty. There’s no way he would have wanted to be left out, but if this exists in your universe, does that mean your meeting reveals its existence to him prematurely? Assuming, of course, that he gets to go back.

“First, let me address the elephant in the room,” Stark is saying, gesturing towards Gold Steve. “I can see you making manfully conflicted expressions over there, but I don’t think anyone here doubts you would have made your way into this meeting as soon as you found out about it.” There’s some murmuring and many nods. “Frankly, I can’t bring myself to feel guilty if the first thing you do when I send you back home is show up at this place and mete out some justice.”

You look around the room, trying to get a sense of the general consensus. In the process, you catch the eye of your Steve, who was already looking at you. You offer him a smile, and he returns it, shifting his gaze away quickly.

After twenty minutes of debate, the group decides to send a team. Though Clint’s recon skills would be an asset on this one, he’s back in Missouri and this is time-sensitive, so they settle on Tony, Natasha, Sam, and Steve. Support staff is to immediately report to workstations to prep all equipment needed, so as soon as Hill calls an end to the meeting, you get up and head over to your colleagues. 

As the group of you confer for a few seconds about your own timeline (everything needs to be ready before the firm head-out), you can hear an intense conversation happening back at the table.

“What if it were you, Tony? Would you accept staying home and ‘out of the way’ if you could help? Or would you be threatening to fly there yourself?”

It’s Steve’s voice, but the context tells you it’s Gold Steve.

“You want to waste all the time I’ve been spending inventing a dimensional portal? Your me already has one! I’m not interested in being invaded by a pissier other self who’s raring to kick my ass for losing you.”

“If it’s not safe for me, it’s not safe for him,” Gold Steve points out.

An almost identical voice responds directly afterward. “It’s plenty safe.” There’s more talk, but you need to pay attention to your own intense little meeting, so you refocus on that.

“Hey, Brigandine, you wanna c’mere for a sec?” Stark calls out, right as you’re following the others out the door.

“Go on, plan for an extra person,” you whisper to Aeronautics, and turn around. Multiple Avengers are looking at you expectantly. “No, no, and no,” you groan, taking in Stark’s stubborn expression. “You’re making me the tiebreaker, aren’t you? No.”

“It’s in your contract,” he says with the supreme confidence of a person who knows there’s no time to check his facts.

You glare at him. “Okay, but don’t tell me who’s on what side. Steve?”

Gold Steve smiles and looks away, obviously knowing you aren’t referring to him. Your Steve looks at him, then at you, before he says, “Yes?”

“Do you think he should go?” It would just waste precious time to make them tell you the stuff you already overheard.

“Why are you asking him? I’m your boss!”

You’re so determined to explain yourself you forget everything else. “Because Steve’s the one with the most at stake, here, Stark. It’s Steve who’s focused on the team as a whole, Steve who always has everyone’s locations in mind, Steve who’s constantly running calculations in his head about whether what you’re about to do might put someone in danger!” You point somewhere behind you, picturing the other universe out there that’s missing their version of Steve Rogers. “And it’ll be Steve who feels the worst about it if he doesn’t bring himself back home, because every single person back there who is missing him feels guilty that they can’t just set off an assemble alarm to go get him back!”

Stark says a sullen, “Yeah, okay,” but the rest of the room is dead silent. Your throat hurts, which means you were yelling, and there’s zero fucking chance you’re going to look up at anyone to see if they’re showing expressions of dawning comprehension, because that? That was pretty damned revealing, right there.

“I need to go set up an extra set of gear,” you say in an admirably calm voice as you turn on your heel and walk swiftly toward the door. Once through, you rush.

Because you’ve done your job right, no one has to come pick up anything they’re missing for the mission, because it’s all at their ‘muster station’ in the armory. No one but Gold Steve, that is. When he shows up, you’ve already delivered some backup items for the Quinjet, and are running back through Steve’s checklist to ensure there’s a copy of everything for his copy.

“Thanks for that,” he says when he walks up, a clear look of admiration in his eyes.

You’re all business. “All right, this is the alternate to Steve’s usual uniform. It used to be the primary, but he ripped it a little while back doing an event with some first responders, and I had it in for repairs. Truth is, I haven’t done the whole round of testing to make sure it’s got the right integrity to go back in--”

“I’m sure it’s fine, I don’t need a run-down. I trust you.”

“That’s good, because the upshot to Stark making me a symbolic tiebreaker is I’m gonna feel responsible if anything does happen,” you sigh, avoiding Gold Steve’s eyes by packing up his things so he can get going.

The door opens behind him, but you don’t see who it is before he replies with, “I wish the guy in charge of our gear back home was half as diligent as you are. You should give yourself a break.”

Beside him, your Steve walks up, shooting a look between the two of you. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?” he asks. Given Gold Steve’s Serious Eyebrows and the way you’re wringing your hands, you suppose it’s a reasonable question, but it sends your stomach through a trapeze routine that tangles up your tongue, as well.

“She’s stressing out about the suit you’re graciously lending me,” Gold Steve answers smoothly. “Said something about not sending it through all the testing protocols, but--”

Steve reaches over for it, holding it up with a critical eye. “I don’t even remember where it ripped, ‘Dine, I’m sure it’s fine. Thanks for being careful, though.” You get the feeling that he was only looking it over to reassure you, and the thoughtfulness of the gesture warms your heart. “You’d better get moving, wheels up in fifteen,” he tells Gold Steve.

The two men nod respectfully at each other, and once Gold Steve has left, you take stock of your workspace, just in case you forgot anything. Satisfied you haven’t, you start toward the lockers to check over there.

“Wait, ‘Dine--”

Steve catches your hand. He catches your wrist first, actually, but your momentum carries the gesture through to your hand. It’s as close to a caress as you’ve ever felt from him, and you suck in a shocked, delighted breath, freezing in place for a few seconds.

“Yes?” Your voice is breathy, and you feel hot embarrassment thick in your throat.

He doesn’t let go. “Can I talk to you later? When I get back?”

You can’t not look at him now, so you do, nodding as you turn your head, totally normal, your besotted heart isn’t doing cartwheels in your chest or anything. As you thought he might, once you make eye contact, Steve lets go, but it’s gentle, a pulling away, again like a wanted touch.

“Okay, then,” he says awkwardly, flashing you a brilliant smile before turning and jogging away.

Minutes later, you’re still bemused, repeating tasks, distracted. “Okay, maybe this was why there were fainting couches. Not because our predecessors were weak and flighty, but because they needed a minute to collect themselves. Things were too expensive back then to screw them up with your head in the clouds!” you mutter to yourself.

It’s late evening. The team’s expected to stay overnight tonight, and you’re in the ‘rec room’ area waiting for news. The tv is on, and Wanda’s showing Vision one of her favorite episodes of a vintage show. You’d seen the weapons master Carl pass through at one point, but you don’t know where he is now. You’re at one of the computer desks poring over a scan of some old SSR documents, trying to calm your mind so you can sleep tonight.

“Is that Howard Stark’s handwriting?” Vision asks from behind you.

“Yeah, good catch!” you say, sharing a wry look with him. He’d probably recognize a lot of more obscure people’s handwriting, but it’s the thought that counts. “I like to go over his notes sometimes. No need to reinvent the wheel.”

“Yes, I imagine certain observations would be already documented,” Vision agrees. You feel his hand light on the back of your computer chair as he steps closer. “‘Rates of Metabolic Healing After Exposure to Low-Level Ionizing Radiation in Subject Rogers, Stephen Grant,’” he reads aloud. “Ah.”

There’s an uncomfortable level of understanding in that single word, and it makes you want to note that Wanda Maximoff probably didn’t need to drift quite so close to him as she walked past on her way to the restroom. That would be unkind, however, and there’s a non-zero chance that Vision might genuinely not understand you if you did try to rib him about it.

You go with, “Yes. ‘Ah.’”

“I hope you find the peace of mind you’re seeking,” Vision says quietly before walking away.

In your head, you answer, Me too, Viz. Me too.

They come back three days later, arriving in early morning New York time after having left Romania in the afternoon. You’re already at work when one of the Steves comes in wearing the full kit, clearly having come directly from the Quinjet. Your heart does a dull, frightened flip-flop when you realize you literally cannot tell the two of them apart anymore. Not since they’ve both favored you with a look of warm appreciation that sent your whole body into shivers.

“I owe you an apology,” this Steve says, turning around with a blush-cheeked wince. Three inches under his ass is a gap in the fabric wide enough to show a swathe of muscular thigh. “Good news is it gave way when I got antsy to get out of there, mid-leap onto the Quinjet. I came here because I don’t want to make it worse, trying to take it off without speaking to you first.”

You’re not picturing that.

You’re not.

Not.

“Thoughtful of you,” you say, rushing to add, because your tone could be described as caustic, “Not mad at you, I promise. I took a risk with this fabric. It doesn’t really repair, which is why I’d hesitated putting it back into rotation. Might be back to the drawing board for materials.”

He’s still basically presenting his ass, looking over his shoulder to say, “So no problem if it gets worse taking it off, then?”

“None at all."

“Got it. Thanks!” Gold Steve says, leaving without pressing you for further conversation. You try not to take it personally-- he’s got a hole in his pants, after all. Still, every time you talk to him, you feel like you get a little glimpse of what it might be like if you and your universe’s version of Steve ever felt more comfortable with each other. It’s like a hopeful little time machine. Future Steve, almost.

That would, of course, require Now Steve to do something more than just look at you like you’re someone special that one time.

And grab your hand.

Say he’d like to talk to you when--

“Brigandine!”

You startle out of your lovesick reverie to see Steve standing in front of you in regular clothes. He looks full-on exasperated, and you stammer out an apology.

“I’m sorry, I-- honestly, the other Steve was in here and the uniform ripped again, meaning I’m going to need new fabric, if it won’t repair, and--”

“He was in here already?”

Crystalline regret precipitates from every blood vessel as you see actual disappointment in Steve’s eyes, and maybe something else. You don’t dare speculate on what it is, not when your careless words may have implied there was more to Gold Steve’s chair-pulling than mere politeness. Your frantic thoughts are racing faster than the horse second in line at Preakness. Is this Steve’s typical gallant leadership, defensive of ‘his’ team at the imposition of a stranger? Would he react that way when the stranger is himself?

Your innate truthfulness proceeds to make everything worse.

“He didn’t know how to take it off without making it worse, and since it’s yours-- ”

Steve actually starts pacing around away from you, and you have a split second of confusion as you go back over your words before you realize.

“Steve, I promise you, your other universe counterpart didn’t come in here to have me help him take your clothes off, okay?”

“Well, when you put it like that--”

“Oh my God, Tony’s got a recording of me saying that!” You slump into your seat, throw your arms down on it, and bury your head onto them, entirely embarrassed. You’re both terrified and elated at the idea that Steve might be in any way jealous of Gold Steve’s influence on you, mostly because of what that might mean about his own feelings. There’s nowhere to run to, no way to go back to the way things were before, and the yawning chasm of what ifs ahead scares the hell out of you.

“Somehow this whole visit got turned around,” Steve says. You let out a little noise of distress, and he chuckles. “How about a redo? Lunchtime?”

“You’re on, but my face is puffy and I’m hiding from Tony’s all-seeing eye,” you say with your head still buried, popping him a thumbs up.

“I can have a talk with FRIDAY if you want me to?”

His tone is so gentle that you sit up, desperate to know what his expression could be. Steve’s eyebrows are lifted, his head tipped to the side with a slight smile that grows broader on seeing you lift your head. If these subdued reactions are enough to intoxicate you, how on Earth would you survive anything stronger?

Before you can say anything, though, Steve heads for the door, pausing once he’s got it open to say, “Flustered looks good on you.”

He leaves without looking back.

Next chapter...

[electricbluebutterflies]

Jess x Leto - “ i don’t want to be alone tonight. “

Early-era, PG-ish, also on ao3.

She’ll blame whatever she has to. The rainstorm outside, how spacious this bedroom is and how strange it still is to have so much time alone, the uncertainty of a heart she barely realizes she has and-

Jessica has been in her placement for just under a month. She is well aware of what boundaries other people want her to keep. She is also well aware, even now, that she will probably ignore all of them.

She could, if she decided to, calm herself enough to sleep. It feels too early to call what she has a routine, but she is alone more nights than she is not, two or three for every one her counterpart asks for her presence and warmth, and she should value this more than she does, and-

She will not be difficult. She was not made to be difficult. But if she is left alone with only her mind for company, she may become something worse.

It is just late enough in the night that she feels alright wrapping a robe around her body and wandering down the hallway. She knows men often say things during intimacies that they do not mean once it is over, but there is something she wants to trust about this one, and the slightest hint of an idea…

Her hand still shakes as she knocks on the door. It still feels like too much to ask for anything at all. Fear has never stopped her, but-

He’s prettier in half-light, she thinks, and that is an internal crisis to save for later. A shirt button undone, clearly close to rest but not enough that her presence will be an imposition, and-

“Is something wrong?”

He’d believe her, if she said yes. If something happened, he would do anything to protect her. She is unsure if there are emotions behind this instinctive loyalty, but-

“I wanted to see you,” she replies, and keeping her tone even takes far more effort than it should. “I… I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

He steps back, visibly calmer now, and lets her into his spaces. She has spent little time here and has not been given the chance to look around, and clearly the whole complex was decorated by the same long-dead ancestor, nothing has been done in here in their lifetimes and that’s such a petty thing to fixate on and-

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“Trusting me enough to-“

“You are all I have. Forgive me if I intend to make the best of it.”

She feels the way he watches her, same as always, as if she is some exotic creature but… something affectionate about it too. Strange but also his, and she wonders where this leads, and she wonders-

“I assume you do not seek other distraction.”

“I would allow it, but-“

“Permission is not as similar to desire as you seem to think.”

They are one and the same for her at this point, she thinks and knows not to say out loud. There is no reason to complicate her situation, and even less to-

She does not mind the way he touches her. She is not yet at a point of wanting it for the sake of wanting it, but she can see how that could happen in time. The current state of them feels so temporary, and whatever evolution they build towards will be softer, and-

“If you want to hold me, that might calm me further,” she offers as a compromise.

He waits a few heartbeats before moving towards her, and there is always something so cautious in these encounters, as if he has wrongly estimated her fragility but oh she has no incentive to tell him. Not if it gives her this, hands resting feather-light on her back and the solid warmth of his body against hers and-

“Does this please you?”

“It is only proper to give you something.”

“And what of what you want?”

She has not had such thoughts, she would say if she thought he would take it well. She is here, and if that is not clear enough…

“I am unsure. But I am not… opposed to how you treat me.”

“I can tell that from the fact that I still have all my extremities,” he murmurs, something amused in his voice. “But I would still hope…”

“We are still new, and the circumstances that have placed us in each other’s paths are not-“

“Is it so strange that I-“

“I have nothing beyond my fears to compare you to,” she breathes. “If you wronged me, you would know, but there are a great many things-“

“You do not make yourself easy to understand.”

“I cannot fix what I do not know.”

He’s quiet for a while, and there is nothing but his fingers tracing patterns on her back and how easy it is to stabilize herself to his heartbeat. Something good in this man, she thinks, something she will be able to focus herself around, and-

“Take your time. We have that.”

She hopes. She wants.

She will try.