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naminethewriter · 1 month ago

Text

Foreign Help

Hello! I'm a barista at the Sleepy Bean Fanfic Café run over at @tsspromptmonth and this is an order for @kieraelieson! It involves Janus centric angst, a happy ending, only one bed and a language barrier. Hope you enjoy!

Summary: Janus came along to his future stepfathers' cousin's wedding in hopes of getting to visit Germany and see some interesting things and not to have to share a bed with another cousin's son. Especially since they don't speak the same language. Literally.

Content Warnings: Human!AU, Angst, Happy Ending, Flashbacks, Nightmares, Language Barrier, German

Read here one Ao3!

German translations at the end.

~~*~~

“I didn’t agree to this!” Janus growls into his phone. His future stepfather sighs on the other end of the line.

“I know, Jay. But there’s nothing I can do about it! The hotel’s booked out, there are no other rooms. It’s just one night,” Remus tries to reason. Janus can hear the dull sound of more voices in the background.

“Then it shouldn’t be a problem for you to switch with me. I can sleep with my dad, and you can sleep with him!”

“Look, I know you’re frustrated, but you can’t actually believe that it’s appropriate for me to sleep in the same bed as my 15-year-old nephew who I hardly know. Especially since we’re out at a bachelor party right now and will be back late and intoxicated. Neither you nor Patton want to sleep next to us afterwards, I promise you.”

“Who thought it was a good idea to have the bachelor party the day before the wedding anyway? Aren’t you all just going to be hung over tomorrow?”

“Never mind that, we’ll deal. Now, you said you’d be okay earlier, what changed? I may not know Patton super well but he’s a good kid. I can’t imagine him doing anything that would upset you this much?”

“It’s the fact that the dude doesn’t seem to speak a lick of English! How am I supposed to tell him what not to do if he doesn’t understand me?!” Janus glances inside through the glass door that leads from the balcony back into the room. Patton is sitting on the bed with a DS in hand, concentrating on whatever game he’s playing.

“He can speak a bit of English, and I taught you a bit of German, you can figure out the rest. Plus, you both have phones, use google translate if you must. Patton knows how to politely share a room, it’ll be fine.”

“Siblings sharing rooms isn’t the same, Remus.”

“He’s an only child. He’s—” Remus breaks off and for a moment Janus thinks the line died. “Look, I don’t want to go into detail, but Pat’s been through a lot. He’s been sick since he was young and spent a lot of time in the hospital. That’s also why he doesn’t speak English all that well, he’s been homeschooled and his parents reasonably decided to focus on other subjects. He’ll be cordial, you can do the same, I’m sure.”

Janus doesn’t say anything but groans maybe a bit dramatically.

“I promise you, Jay, I talked with my cousin, and she made sure that at the wedding venue tomorrow you’ll have two beds. One night. That’s all I’m asking of you. Go to bed early and it’ll be even less of a problem.”

“Urgh, fine! But you owe me.”

“Sure thing, champ. See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Janus hangs up, though not before he hears Remus chuckling on the other end. The guy is so lucky that his dad’s infatuated with him or Janus would hit him in the morning. He lets out another sigh before returning back inside.

Patton looks up from his game at the sound of the door sliding open.

“Okay?” he asks, his head tilted to the side.

“Yeah. Has to be apparently.” He mumbles the last part under his breath and ignores the confused look on Patton’s face. Instead, he tries to recall what little German phrases Remus had taught him before they came here.

“Dein,” he says, motioning towards the side of the bed Patton is sitting on. “Mein.” This time he points at the unoccupied side. “Kein fassen.”

Patton blinks at him before repeating the gestures.

“Me. You. No touch?”

Janus nods.

“No touching my stuff.”

“Natürlich. Would never.”

“Good.” With that, Janus decides to ignore his reluctantly accepted companion and gathers his stuff to go take a shower. Thankfully, the bathroom door locks.

~~*~~

He smells the fire first. Then he feels the heat.

Oh no.

His eyes snap open.

The smoke is surrounding him from all sides.

Not again.

He can’t do it again.

Wasn’t once enough?

What kind of sick joke is this?

He tries to call for help but the air, thick with ash, chokes him before he can muster up a single sound.

Where even is he?

He hears wood groaning and splintering. Something crashes to the ground.

“Janus? Janus!”

A voice he doesn’t recognize rings through the dark. It’s calling his name, but the pronunciation is off.

“Janus! Wach auf! Komm schon, wach auf! Du musst atmen!“

He doesn’t understand. What kind of a language is that?

He has no time to dwell on it as something next to him falls. He flinches away but that only leads him closer to the heat. He turns around and is face to face with the flames.

“No. No. Please. I can’t,” he whimpers, unable still to raise his voice. His knees give away under him and he falls to the ground.

The air is thick down here as well and he starts coughing.

Is he going to die this time?

“Janus? Tut mir leid, aber Remus hat gesagt das würde helfen…“

What is the voice saying? He doesn’t—

Suddenly there’s something cold on his hand and Janus gasps.

His eyes fly open, and he sits up as if stung.

“Oh, Gott sei dank.”

Janus is still trying to get his breathing under control as his eyes find Patton sitting next to him, a water bottle in his hand. A drop of water is running down its side.

Ah, so that was the cold thing.

“What—” He gasps for more breath. “What happened?”

“Oh, uhm… Moment, please.”

Janus watches as Patton sets the water bottle aside on his nightstand and grabbing his phone instead. He types on it for a moment.

“You niktmare?” he asks, holding out his phone for Janus to see. It takes him a moment to get his eyes to focus on the screen, his breathing finally calming down. Patton has pulled up google translate, one side reading Albtraum and the other nightmare.

Oh yeah.

That would explain things.

His scars itch at the memory but he pushes the sensation away.

Patton is still looking at him, concerned.

“Yes,” he nods. “Nightmare.”

“Guessed. Called Remus. Coming here. With Logan.”

Janus sinks back down onto the bed with a sigh. So, his dad and soon-to-be stepfather were on their way back to check on him. He doesn’t like to admit it but he’s glad. He likes to pretend that he’s 16 and totally independent but staying in a foreign country with a guy he doesn’t know seems to have stressed him more than he thought if it brought back the worst memories of his life.

“Danke,” he says and Patton smiles.

“Kein Problem. Ich hoffe es geht dir bald besser.“

Janus can only guess what that means but he doesn’t press.

It’ll be okay.

A tap on his shoulder makes him flinch and he looks to Patton who’s holding the water bottle again.

“Drink?” he asks.

Janus wonders for a moment where the bottle had even come from but then he remembered the mini fridge. They’d have to pay extra for using it, but… He could really use a cold drink right now.

He nods and Patton brightens, eagerly unscrewing the lid.

Janus watches him and thinks that maybe the next few days aren’t going to be that bad.

~~*~~

Natürlich - Of course

Janus! Wach auf! Komm schon, wach auf! Du musst atmen! - Janus! Wake up! Come on, wake up! You need to breathe!

Janus? Tut mir leid, aber Remus hat gesagt das würde helfen… - Janus? I'm sorry, but Remus said this would help...

Oh, Gott sei dank. - Oh, thank God.

Danke - Thanks

Kein Problem. Ich hoffe es geht dir bald besser. - No problem. I hope you feel better soon.

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tsspromptmonth · 2 months ago

Note

Janus-focused Gods au. Angst with a happy ending. I didn’t know where else to go.

Comments are on these stories:

Drowning (in more ways than one)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34561636/chapters/86031637

Order Up!

Of Comfort and Lies by @typically-untypical

#sanders sides #the sleepy bean fanfic cafe #janus sanders #patton sanders #gods au #hurt/comfort #platonic moceit

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analoceits · 10 months ago

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mourning tea

A03 link

summary: He bit his tongue to stop the spiteful feeling suddenly building in his gut, shaking it off of him like a dog that was freshly hosed down. He was being uncharitable; this was an olive branch, Patton should be appreciative. They were trying to get along more, he had asked for more effort like this, he had no right to be angry or annoyed. Just.. did Janus have to pick today? - - - It’s the anniversary of the day that king died. Things are somber.

note: hi!! when i wrote this fic i forgot that that would also be the twins birthdays just. uh just ignore that for me. pls and thank you <3. uhh enjoy!!

taglist: @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat, @thegoldenduckie

As soon as the bumps in the table cloth settled under Patton's fingers he took a quick glance around the room, and everything was practically flawless. The tea cups were lined up to the inch, the morning sun filtered through the barely parted curtains beautifully, and the tiles were practically glowing in the light. Even if perfection wasn’t achievable, this was close, he thought. He was proud of his work.

(It was too good, though. It couldn’t last. Perfect things rest on a thin line, and they’ll tip and topple with the slightest push of the wind, and even if you try to be gentle dust will seep in with time and either way you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t and-)

And Patton really needed to stop letting his mind wander today.

He cleared his head, taking a deep breath in - unclenching his jaw and unclenching his fists - and a deep breath out - easing the tension from his shoulders and lower back. There, back to focusing. He drew his attention to the little digital clock in the corner of the room and read the time - 7:28 AM. Janus should be here soon, he thought.

Of course he would be, this was Janus’s ideas after all. This.. meeting. The meeting he had proposed after the 5 year anniversary video, the one Patton accepted without missing a beat because he wasn’t paying attention to the date and was just so happy for them to get along. This tea party for grown children.

He bit his tongue to stop the spiteful feeling suddenly building in his gut, shaking it off of him like a dog that was freshly hosed down. He was being uncharitable; this was an olive branch, Patton should be appreciative. They were trying to get along more, he had asked for more effort like this, he had no right to be angry or annoyed.

Just.. did Janus have to pick today?

He shouldn’t blame Janus for the choice, it wasn’t intentional. He doubt any of the other sides remembered, let alone Janus. Thomas was so, so young when it happened; Patton was sure that after all these years he was the only one who even remembered what day it was, really. Who would hold the grief so close but him?

After all these years he could barely remember Romulus’s face himself; he was starting to blur in old pictures as the memory waned. Still, the thought of him - his smile, his patience, his calloused hands - it made his chest ache and always left him dazed. The grief never really left or eased, he just had to grow around it.

Usually, he would spend today curled up with his knees pressed to his chest in the darkest and warmest corner of his room and he would pretend. He would pretend to himself, without telling a soul - that there were four other sides. Virgil, Logan, Janus, and Romulus. He would pretend that nothing had ever gone wrong, as if it would save him the grief.

(It never did.)

It was the only way he could get through this day, at least he thought. Now, though, standing and biting back the sickly aching pain, he thought - just maybe - he could actually survive this. Painfully, but he could make the table and talk to Janus and breath like his lungs were still right, and it’d be fine. He’d numb his wounds and it’d be fine.

As soon as he pulled himself from his thoughts the toasted dinged behind him, to which he rushed over. Two slices, on for him and one for janus. He smeared a healthy helping of butter and jam across the modest breakfast, his hands barely shaking despite himself. He could survive this.

Right as he was setting the dishes on the table, there was a swish of the door and a settling click. Janus. “Oh, it looks perfect, thank you so much dear,” Janus’s voice was sweet and thick like honey, a soothing balm. Patton looked up to thank him and offer him his seat, and he choked on air.

Golden lace dripped down his shoulders across the edge of his capelet, rippling in beautiful waves and interspersed with black teardrop gems. His - what Patton now realized was a dress - faded to a beautiful golden at the end, occasionally dotted with those same black tear drops in am intricate pattern. His bowler hat was replaced for a sun hat - complete with a golden ribbon and a black veil. He looked beautiful.

Patton seemingly stared longer than he thought, because after a moment Janus laughed tensely and he averted his eyes, in what Patton half registered as embarrassment. “It’s alright, dear,” he soothed, “I didn’t expect you to be all fancied up like me - I’m just doing the for fun, anyway. The theatre of it all, you know.”

Patton wasn’t worried about being presentable, not today, but he didn’t dare look the gift horse of Janus ignoring his bright red face in the mouth. Instead, he nodded as firmly as he could and spoke, “thank you, Jan.” With a smile that managed to be only a little awkward. His thoughts were off-topic, severely off-topic.

After one more second of awkward pause, Patton forced himself to move, pulling out Janus’s seat for him and offering it to him with a soft smile. “The foods all still warm,” he promised as Janus settled in the seat and Patton took to his own across from his. Janus gave him a warm smile - with a tint of something else, and Patton tried his best to beam it back, asking “how are you?”

“I’m doing the best I can,” he answered smoothly, blowing on the tea before taking a sip of it delicately. That same odd smile stayed after he drank, “I would ask you the same, but.. it feels a stupid question, considering the day and all.”

It took Patton a long moment to process the words as he stared blankly at Janus. As soon as the implication caught up to him, though, his shoulders seemed to knit together into one entity with how tense he got. Oh. Oh. Janus remembered. He picked today on purpose, didn’t he?

(Briefly, in the back of his mind he finally registered what the emotion lingering behind Janus’s smile was: grief.)

Janus watched his reaction with a mix of concern and mild confusion, a hand half reached out to him like Patton was something volatile to be treated with caution. Something seemed to click in his head, though, the moment after Patton came to his realization, and he quietly asked, “Patton.. you were aware I picked today with intention, weren’t you?”

Patton looked to the side and a gave a small, sad smile, and the lie was slipping out of his mouth before he could even think to stop himself. “I.. just forgot what day it was, I guess that’s why it didn’t register,” he had a mildly forced smile on his face as he spoke.

Janus frowned at him. “.. Patton,” he said slowly and painfully, painfully gently, “you don’t have to lie to me, we both know it’s a good idea to do that.” He said, and despite the sarcastic words - he never seemed particularly snappy with him. All of his motions and words were slow, gentle, like Patton could break with the slightest push.

Patton wrung his hands out tensely, seemingly trying to look anywhere in the room but at Janus. After a tense second of this anti-staring contest or whatever he should call it, he forced out, “I just.. thought you wouldn’t choose a day like this for a tea party, that’s all.” The bitterness in his tone was guttural; unintentional but inevitable.

Before he could stumble out any forced apologies or reassurances to go with the surprisingly harsh words that just escaped him, Janus spoke first. It was a question, a simple one at that. “Ah, would you.. prefer I reschedule? It wouldn’t be a problem, you know.” He asked, still so gentle.

Patton stared at him, and in the thick of his gut he knew the correct answer was probably a ‘yes, please’. It was what he had wanted all along, but now - in a warm kitchen with nice lights and Janus smiling at him so sweetly, spending the rest of the day in his room seemed unbearable. He wasn’t sure he would survive that.

“It’s, uhm.. it’s not bad.” Patton promised, a bit of desperation seeping into his tone, pleading that Janus wouldn’t insist so they could stay like this - lovingly uncomfortable or whatever he could call it. It was better than alone, he realized, so much better than alone.

Luckily, though, Janus seemed to relent with ease, letting out an all too easy, “if you insist.” Patton watched his expression and had a very strange, but comforting thought. Maybe Janus didn’t want to spend today alone either.

With that on his mind, he took a warm drink of the tea. It was sweet in his mouth and down his throat. It was a little nostalgic, too - going over to Thomas’s nanas house when they were nothing but young boys.

When there were just five sides.

The pang of pain ate up the entirety of Patton’s chest with that thought, but before he could speak in an attempt to distract himself, Janus did. Outrunning him yet again, he asked, “what kind of jam is on the bread?”

It was a simple question, but one Patton couldn’t help but giggle at. “Crofters,” he said - then added, leaning closer and whispering as if it was a big secret, “I don’t think Logan will let us buy any other kind.” It was true, in his defense.

Janus smiled and gave an equally hearty laugh at that answer, “I’m not sure why I asked, of course it’s crofters.” After that he took a bite from the toast and smiled with satisfaction, “it’s sweet and toasted just right as well.” Then he gave Patton an oddly soft look, “I wouldn’t expect anything else from you, Padre.”

The words were warm, and sweet, and the pain of the day was less in Patton’s chest with that mind. This.. was easier than being alone, wasn’t it? Suddenly, in a warm kitchen with Janus smiling at him like he was the sweetest thing, a warm but dark room was unimaginable.

Despite those sweet thoughts, Patton’s mouth ruined the moment instantly. Before anything normal could be said, he blurted out the thought that had been on his mind since Janus had asked him that little question months ago, “why.. today?”

Janus gave him a surprised stare and Patton cringed, wishing he could take back those two words more than he had ever wished for anything. After a long second, Janus just very politely said, “it felt fitting.”

Patton knew for a fact that he should stop digging there. He had gotten what he wanted, which was Janus to not leave, and so it should be fine. But, staring at him as he stared back, the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, “what does that mean?”

Janus sighed and Patton worried it was out of annoyance, but he kept up his polite demeanor nonetheless. “The..” splitting, Patton filled in mentally, “death, of king, seemed to sever the bond between us. So, having the fixing of that bond - or at least the start of it, be on the anniversary felt fitting.”

Patton stared. Death. He hadn’t ever called it a death before because, really, it wasn’t. It wasn’t. Sure, king was gone - but he didn’t die. The twins were still there. If the twins were still there, he was still there, but.. no. The twins weren’t him, were they? He had died.

It was somewhat inevitable that Patton was going to cry today. He was tired, and he was grieving, and he had woken up at an ungodly hour to set up the kitchen. It didn’t make it hurt less, though. He choked out the tears, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes until he saw stars like it would help.

Patton managed to whisper one, choked word through his tears. “Penance.”

Janus cursed under his breath, awkwardly reaching out and setting a hand across Patton’s arm. “No, no, Patton please,” he begged, “that’s not what I meant. You aren’t guilty, you were seven, this isn’t a punishment. I..” He sighed, giving in, “I was lying. I don’t have any greater reason to this, I just-” he reached for Patton’s hand, intertwining their fingers like he was afraid Patton was going to leave when he spoke, “I just didn’t want to be alone today.”

Patton looked up tentatively, eyes still brimming with tears but expression soft, staring silently for a long, long second, before carefully clamping two of his hands around Janus’s, brushing his thumb over his knuckles. “Oh,” he said before softly adding, “I think thats ok, then. I don’t want to be alone either.”

Janus gave him a soft smile back. The kitchen was warm.

#sanders sides #tss #ts sides #sasi #patton sanders #janus sanders #romulus sanders #king creativity #moceit #platonic moceit #analoceits writing

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xandriagreat · 3 months ago

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Sandwich Joke

This is for @platonicsidesweek

Janus and Patton sometimes have a laugh when eating sandwiches.

#sanders sides #platonicsidesweek #platonicsides2024 #patton sanders #janus sanders #platonic Moceit

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tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors · 2 years ago

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Symbiotic Mutualism

Mutualism; a relationship between two different kinds of organisms that benefits both.

Pairing: platonic moceit

Word count: 896

Warnings: a pushy failed blind date, but nothing happens

Notes: part of my MPD verse

for @lighthouseinagardenofstars

thank you to @teacupfulofstarshine for beta reading

---

“I will give you four dollars and a really good croissant if you let me hide in here.”

Devin blinked in confusion at the cherubic, wind-flushed hobbit who’d just entered his store, who was currently glancing nervously over his shoulder and looking like he was on the run from a pack of wolves.

Making a split second decision, he gestured firmly for the hobbit to come behind the counter (he didn’t think he had time to explain the curse, so talking wasn’t going to be helpful at the moment), earning a relieved smile. The hobbit darted behind Devin, who turned back to the dried and powdered flowers display next to the register, looking surreptitiously out of the corner of his eyes at the door.

A man walked past, looking searchingly around him, even going so far as to cup his hands to the glass front windows and scowl inside. He didn’t see Devin’s hidden charge, visibly slumping in frustration, and huffed out what was most likely an inaudible curse word before stalking further down the street.

“Ex?” he said, not looking up (just in case the searcher suddenly came back).

“Blind date,” said the hobbit.

“That bad?”

“Worse.”

“Condolences.”

“Is he gone?”

“I’m surely going to have an easy time answering that before you’ve looked at my curse bracelet.”

The hobbit visitor simply appeared next to him in that startling way hobbits often did, as if he’d materialized from nothing. He peered around Devin’s shoulder, and Devin helpfully raised his wrist so the bracelet could be read.

“Okay, I’m up to date!”

“In that case, no, he’s right outside the door.”

The hobbit giggled, before offering a hand for a shake.

“Thanks so much!” he said cheerfully. “I’m Patton. What’s your name?”

“It’s not Devin. And I’m certainly not at all curious as to what your blind date could have done to make himself so distasteful you hid from him that quickly.”

“The date was actually last night,” said Patton. “And it wasn’t that bad, we just didn’t hit it off, and I said so in the text I sent him after. But he showed up to my work today and bothered me through my whole shift, and then he tried to follow me home after I got off.”

“Totally not completely terrifying.”

“I know right?” said Patton. “He’s lucky my brother wasn’t working today, Virgil might have literally stabbed him.”

“Doesn’t sound like my kind of solution.”

“Thank you so much for letting me hide!” said Patton, pulling out a lunch box from seemingly nowhere.

“It was very troubling,” said Devin, waving a hand dismissively.

“Here’s your croissant!”

“I want it,” said Devin. “It was a huge inconvenience to let you duck behind my counter for three minutes. I’ll be taking your lunch.”

“I have two!” Patton chirped, holding out the napkin-wrapped croissant insistently. Devin was surprised – normally the longer he spoke, the more trouble people had parsing what he was trying to say, but Patton didn’t seem confused or put out by having to decipher it. He hadn’t even mentioned Devin’s curse since he read the bracelet.

“Fine,” said Devin, taking the pastry and nibbling on the corner. “... Unholy shit.”

“I know, right?” said Patton smugly. “Me and my brother are so good.”

“You didn’t make this,” said Devin incredulously.

“Sure did! Apothecafe, down the street, it’s me and my brother’s coffee shop and bakery. Patton Cottonwood, at your service.”

“I’ve had a chance to try it out.”

“Well, that won’t do!” exclaimed Patton. “All my friends get half off treats!”

“Oh, really?” laughed Devin’s, “Is this how you normally make friends?”

“Oh definitely not, normally I’m the one doing the rescuing,” said Patton, in a very over-the-top way and a twinkle in his eye that made Devin think he was being sarcastic in a strangely saccharine way. “I’m a regular superhero, just look at me. Can’t you tell?”

Devin looked him up and down, all four-feet-something of him, springy brown curls and golden skin with pink-apple cheeks and a smile like a storybook character.

“Oh, definitely,” he deadpanned.

Patton let out a trill of a giggle.

“Gimme your phone,” he said, shaking his hand insistently. “I’ll put my number in and you can text me when you’re coming into the bakery! I’ll be sure to find something you like on the menu.”

“You’re not at all presumptuous you know,” said Devin, even as he did capitulate by unlocking and handing over his phone.

“I’ve been told I make friends like a steamroller!”

“An inaccurate comparison.”

Patton handed Devin’s phone back and trotted toward the door.

“I gotta head home, chores to do, but text me!” said Patton. “Treats! Half off! I am not above bribing you to be my friend!”

“You’re not very strange, Patton Cottonwood.”

“You’re stuck with me now so you better get used to iiiiit!” sing-songed Patton, darting out the door with a jingle of the bell and half-jogging down the street in the direction he’d come from.

“What a normal little creature,” Devin muttered to himself.

He glanced down at the contact in his phone.

‘Your New Best Friend Patton.’

Rolling his eyes, Devin changed it and texted a screenshot to him, getting a long string of laughter emojis in response.

‘Patton (Nuisance)’

Patton replied with another screenshot, and Devin couldn’t help but laugh.

‘Snake Boi 🐍’

#platonic moceit #mpd devin #mpd patton

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ssslimyboy · 2 months ago

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Janus: Alright, listen up, you little shits.

Janus: Not you, Patton. You're an angel and we're thrilled to have you here.

#sanders sides #ts sides #sasi #incorrect quotes #incorrect sanders sides #sanders sides incorrect quotes #janus sanders #ts janus #patton mention #platonic moceit #swearing

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ask-nico-and-the-sides · 9 months ago

Note

Hey Janus, what do you think of Orange simping for Logan? You know, as his Snake Mom?

Patton: As for my question, I think he’s alright. I used to be better friends with him, but once I developed into the representation of morality, he kinda backed off.

Janus: He’s kind of scared of you.

Patton: I don’t know why.

Janus: You used your dad voice on him one time when we were kids.

Patton: Oh crap, did I?!

#sanders sides #janus sanders #patton sanders #platonic moceit #I love the idea of orange being scared of Patton

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dukeyeatsdeodorant · 2 months ago

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Janus: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like… a lawyer to you. Ok?

Patton: Okay.

later

Logan: Patton! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble.

Janus, whispering: Deny everything.

Patton, loudly: That isn't a chair.

Janus and Patton give eachother a confident thumbs up

#sanders sides #ts sanders sides #sanderssides #ts sides #tss #sasi #patton sanders #janus sanders #ts janus #ts patton #platonic moceit #moceit

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fangirlwriting-stories · 2 years ago

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Protector

Chapter One

Chapter Thirty-Seven:

Janus woke up with a splitting headache that almost felt worse than the hole in his chest.

He groaned and pushed himself up, dropping his head in his hands and rubbing at his face.

Well, today was the backup to his pushed back deadline. He had to get out of his room sometime today. He’d have to find a way to deal with everyone’s hatred. He’d made Virgil and Remus put up with it for long enough, after all, and turnabout’s fair play.

And if Remus was right and Virgil really would be worried about him if he stayed in his room all day, then Janus wanted him to be focusing on anything else but that. He deserved a chance to recover. Besides, he could give Virgil plenty of space outside his room too.

Janus checked on Thomas in the corner of his mind as he climbed out of bed. Not any better than he was yesterday, not that that was a surprise. He wouldn’t really get better until Virgil returned.

Or, well, maybe that wasn’t entirely true. Thomas wasn’t really good, obviously. But he didn’t seem to be having breakdowns while smiling anymore, which was a definite plus.

He must have the others to thank for that. Janus was glad they were fixing things. Just because they weren’t going to be his family anymore didn’t mean he didn’t love them dearly. He’d just have to want good things for them from a distance. It would be fine.

Janus looked around his room, trying to find some excuse to hang out here for another couple hours. He’d be a lousy Deceit if he didn’t try and put off the inevitable for as long as possible.

Janus winced.

He was a lousy Deceit.

Well then.

Janus took a deep breath, snapped his clothes on because he was still feeling lazy, and walked over to his door. He took one more deep breath and pulled it open.

He was met with the surprised face of Patton who had held his hand up to knock, now just hanging in midair. Behind him were Roman and Logan, looking just as surprised.

For a good ten seconds, all of them just stared at each other.

Finally, Patton seemed to come to his senses with a jerk.

“Janus! Here, this—” he reached into a pocket and pulled something out. “This is for you!” He shoved a piece of paper at Janus’ chest, and Janus took it without getting a chance to really look at it.

He swallowed. “Okay. I’ll look at it later, if that’s okay,” he said, not surprised at how scratchy his voice came out. It had been a while since he’d talked.

“I— I think you should look at it now, Janus,” Roman said.

Janus squeezed his eyes shut. “Do we have to do this now?”

“We do,” Logan said firmly.

Janus sighed, and looked down at the paper.

He honestly hadn’t been sure what it would be. Maybe some kind of list of demands, or new boundaries they hadn’t wanted to say to his face.

He hadn’t expected a simple card. The front read “Ur Fam” and Janus opened it to find “ILY” written on one side and the four of them drawn on the other.

He looked up, trying to hide any emotion from coming through on his face. “What is this?”

“We just wanted to make something to make you feel better, kiddo,” Patton said.

“Why.”

“Janus,” Roman said softly.

“Honestly, just go,” Janus said, crossing his arms. “I don’t want to try and have this conversation, okay? We all know what’s going to happen.”

“We don’t know that, Janus,” Logan said. “It is impossible to know the outcome of events that have not taken place.”

“And yet the impossible is occurring,” Janus said with a cool glare, leaning against his doorframe. “Please don’t patronize me. Just go and do what you wanted to before you came here.”

“Janus,” Roman said, stepping forward and crossing his arms. “This is exactly where we all want to be.”

Janus gripped the side of the doorframe. “Don’t lie to me, Roman.”

“He’s not lying, Janus,” Patton said. “Could you please just hear us out?”

Janus didn’t say anything for a moment. He wasn’t exactly thrilled at the idea of talking with them all only to be inevitably disappointed when it went exactly how he expected it to go. But he probably owed them something of an explanation. And if this was going to have to happen eventually, it was probably better to get it all out of the way.

Janus sighed, long and exhausted. “Fine.”

He stepped back inside his room and walked over to lean back against his desk, letting the other three walk in. Logan came through last and closed the door behind them.

“What do you want to know then?” Janus asked, looking tiredly up at them.

“We’re not here to interrogate you, Janus,” Logan said.

“Then what do you want?” Janus asked, looking up at the ceiling.

“We’re here to check on you, kiddo,” Patton said softly. “We figured you’re probably not doing too good.”

“You don’t need to worry about it,” Janus snapped. “I’ll be fine.”

“Falsehood,” Logan said, raising an eyebrow.

“I will be fine,” Janus insisted.

“That is not what I was referring to, though I doubt that is true either.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Of course we need to worry about it,” Logan said. “You’re our family, Janus.”

Janus tensed.

“And that’s why we’re here too,” Roman said. “To make sure you know we’re not going to get rid of you just because you made a few mistakes.”

Janus grit his teeth. “Well, I didn’t realize you were all so exceedingly stupid then,” he hissed.

“Janus,” Patton said. “Stop it.”

“I did not make a few mistakes,” Janus said. “I made many large mistakes. Mistakes that badly harmed other sides and Thomas.”

“And ostracizing you would not remedy those mistakes,” Logan said, raising an eyebrow. “It would actually be quite a bad idea. It has not seemed to be successful in the past.”

“You misunderstand, Logan, that’s just a reason to get rid of the problem entirely,” Janus said, spreading his arms.

“You’re not a problem, Janus,” Patton said.

“Well I’m a failure then,” Janus said. “And it seems that it would be a much better idea to simply get rid of failures entirely.”

“You are not a failure,” Roman said firmly.

“Yes I am.”

“Janus—”

“Please do not twist facts just to make me feel better, Roman,” Janus said. “I am a failure. I failed to protect Anxiety and Remus, I failed to protect Thomas, and I failed to properly guard the others.”

“How does that make you a failure?” Logan asked. “I thought that part of your job was only to assess whether Thomas was ready to meet the others.”

“Yes, you thought that because I lied to you about it,” Janus snapped. “But I suppose I also lied to you about my function as a whole, so I guess I did part of my job alright.”

Well, maybe he shouldn’t have said that, because now everyone was staring at him. Or maybe he should have said that. Maybe this was how he got them to leave.

“Did I not mention that?” Janus said, rolling his eyes and trying to act like he didn’t care. “My original function was Deceit. I figured none of the core sides would really like having a side like that around, so I lied about it. Seems rather fitting.”

Patton made a wounded noise, which Janus was going to pretend didn’t sting. “You lied about it for fifteen years?”

“Yes, because I’m not a good side to have around,” Janus said. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. I lied about that and I lied about what my job was and then I tried to cover up all of those lies when Anxiety and Remus came here. And all of that caused all of this. So why don’t you all get rid of me and be better off for it?”

Patton took a couple steps across the room and wrapped his arms around Janus with no warning. Janus stiffened in surprise, but Patton just squeezed him tighter.

“Janus,” he said. “Didn’t you know we love you for you?”

Janus scoffed and pushed Patton off of him. “Oh stop it,” he said. “How naive do you think I am?”

“Janus you moron, you’re our family, not someone we’re interviewing to hire,” Roman snapped.

“Roman is correct,” Logan said. “You are not going to drive us away by telling us that your job is different from what we’ve thought.”

“I can’t drive you away by lying to you for as long as I’ve known you? What would it take, then?” Janus asked, rolling his eyes.

“A lot worse than anything you’ve done,” Roman said plainly.

Janus scoffed. “Get out.”

“Do you think we’re lying to you?” Logan said, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course you are. You can’t forgive me just like that.”

“And why is that?” Patton asked, putting his hands on his hips.

“I’ve done despicable things. I don’t deserve it.”

“It’s not about deserve, Janus,” Roman said. “And you can’t decide that for us.”

Janus looked between the three of them. “Try me.”

“Excuse me?” Logan said.

“I said try me,” Janus said, and he reached out and shoved all three of them from his room. He heard the beginnings of Patton crying “Wait!” before they were all gone.

Then he sat down at his desk and put his head in his hands.

…

Janus felt it when Virgil came back. Thankfully, he was holding up Remus’ end of the bargain, and he was down in the kitchen when it happened making something to eat. He did imagine Remus hadn’t exactly been suggesting that Janus sneak out in the middle of the night to do everything. But Janus was going to keep his room firmly locked unless some unforeseen circumstance happened, like Remus or Virgil or Thomas needed him. For some reason.

He did head up and look for Remus for this one reason, though. He imagined Remus would forgive him, just this once.

Janus knocked on his door, and it was less than two seconds later that Remus had opened his door and was glaring at him.

“I thought I told you—”

“Virgil’s back,” Janus said, pointing at the door right next to them.

Remus froze, and for a second Janus was almost sure he imagined a look of terror that flashed across his face.

“Remus?”

“Did I say you could speak?” Remus snapped, but his voice was shaking, and so were his hands, and now he was backing into his room and leaving the door wide open.

Well. This was a terrible idea.

“Remus, what’s wrong?” Janus asked, pushing the door open further as he walked into the room.

Remus shook his head, turning around to face away from Janus. “Can’t go see him,” he said, burying his hands in his hair and pulling again.

“Don’t do that,” Janus said, walking forward and pulling them down.

“I said don’t touch me!” Remus screamed, smacking Janus’ hand away.

“Why can’t you go see Virgil?” Janus asked, lowering his hands.

“It was my idea,” Remus said, turning and sitting down against the desk and burying his head in his hands. “The nails. It was my idea. Gave it to Malice when I was bored.”

Janus clenched his hands past the wave of guilt that hit him in the next second.

Get out of your own head. This isn’t about you right now.

“Okay,” Janus said slowly, trying to keep his voice even as he sat down across from Remus. “What does that have to do with going to see Virgil?”

Remus looked up at Janus like he was an idiot, and Janus took a minute to analyze Remus’ face, and found the guilt he saw in the mirror.

“Oh, Remus,” Janus said gently. “It isn’t your fault.”

“Shut up, you don’t know anything,” Remus snapped, burying his head in his knees this time.

“I do know that it isn’t your fault, Remus,” Janus said softly. “That’s too much to put on yourself. You can’t be held responsible for things that Malice did to Virgil.”

“But it was my idea,” Remus insisted. “I gave it to him.”

“Oh, and of course if you hadn’t done that, Malice would have had a complete change of heart and decided not to hurt Virgil at all. Right, that’s what would have happened.”

“Virgil wouldn’t have wanted to die,” Remus whispered. “He would be here.”

“Virgil is here right now,” Janus said softly. “I imagine if you wake him up he’ll be very happy to see you.”

“Or he could hate me because I hurt him,” Remus said, starting to rock back and forth. “And then the only person I’ve ever had would hate me and I’d be totally alone and no one would ever want me ever again—”

“Remus,” Janus said. He reached out and put a hand on Remus’ knee, and Remus jerked upright and stopped rocking.

“Don’t touch me! I told you don’t touch me!”

“I’m sorry,” Janus said, backing up. “I’m sorry, I was trying to help ground you.”

Remus hissed and buried his head in his arms again.

“Remus, please listen,” Janus said. “I know I’m not exactly your favorite side, but I’m who’s here right now, and you need to listen. You’re going to have a panic attack.”

“Fuck you,” Remus snapped weakly.

“Remus please, please look at me.”

There was a long pause, and then Remus slowly pulled his head up and looked at Janus.

“It is absolutely not, in no way, not in the slightest your fault,” Janus said. “No one is going to blame you. Especially not Virgil.”

“How do you know?” Remus said, glaring away, though he sounded more hesitant. “You don’t know anything about me and Virgil.”

Janus winced, but pushed the guilt firmly aside. “Remus, if Virgil can forgive the rest of the core sides, which a lot of his behavior seems to demonstrate he’s done, I doubt he’s even slightly mad at you.”

Remus hesitated, but that seemed to get through to him.

“Will you come see him, at least? I bet he’s ready to be woken up after a week of being gone.”

Remus was quiet for another moment, then finally he nodded. “Okay.”

Janus moved back and waited for Remus to stand up before he did the same, and then he followed Remus out into the hallway and to the next door.

Remus somehow managed to open the door completely silently, but then moved immediately across the room to Virgil’s bed and knelt down on it, and that was all it seemed to take for Virgil to shift and open his eyes.

And, thank Thomas, Janus had been spot on, because the second Virgil saw Remus he sighed in relief and reached up to pull him into a hug, with what looked like very weak arms too.

Virgil glanced over at the door and spotted Janus, which Janus took as his cue to go, and he turned and shut the door quietly after him.

He had one more thing to check before he went to hide back in his room, after all. And he was pretty sure giving Virgil and Remus a moment was the right move.

…

“Thomas?” Janus murmured, quietly just in case he was asleep, but he doubted it.

Sure enough, Thomas was sitting up awake in bed. He was also crying, which didn’t surprise Janus at all. This couldn’t be a fun experience.

Thomas looked up at Janus as he appeared and wiped at his eyes. “Hi Janus,” he said weakly. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” Janus lied instantly, moving to sit on the bed next to Thomas. “I’m here for you right now.”

“It feels like Anxiety’s back,” Thomas said, rubbing at his chest.

“He is,” Janus confirmed. “Are you feeling better?”

“Define ‘better.’”

“Fair enough,” Janus said with a sad smile.

“Are you okay?” Thomas asked again.

Janus clenched his hands together behind his back. “I said I’m alright, Thomas,” he said.

“Are you sure?”

“Why… are you still asking?” Janus said, squeezing his hands together tighter.

Thomas stared at him. “Because your entire world just got flipped on its head, Janus,” he said. “Because I would be devastated and you’re part of me, and because I’m not okay.”

“Well that’s why I’m here,” Janus said, hoping Thomas would just take the hint. “What can I do to help?”

Thomas took a deep breath and wiped at his eyes. “I think I’d like a hug, Janus,” he said, giving Janus a knowing look that Janus did not like.

Janus tensed. “What else can I do?”

“Why don’t you want to do that?”

Janus bit his lip. “No reason in particular. I just think—”

“Is it because you’d like a hug too?”

Janus scoffed and crossed his arms. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“The others came to talk to me, you know.”

Janus swallowed. “Ah. I’m sure they exaggerated.”

“Oh, did they really?”

“Thomas, I’m trying to help you.”

“Janus. I want you to listen to me now please.”

Janus cursed his inability to deny Thomas something he wanted and sat back, glaring down at the blankets.

“Are you trying to push everyone away?” Thomas asked.

“I don’t understand why they wouldn’t want me to,” Janus muttered.

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“So what if I am? Why would you care? Why wouldn’t you want me to?”

“Janus,” Thomas said, a pained look in his eyes. “No one hates you.”

“Remus does,” Janus pointed out.

“Remus is different.”

“If you’re trying to say Remus and Anxiety are allowed to hate me then just say it.”

Thomas sighed. “Fine. Yes, Remus and Anxiety are probably allowed to hate you. But that doesn’t mean everyone does, and trying to push everyone away is just going to create more problems, Janus.”

“I already did that,” Janus snapped, pushing himself to a standing position. “I don’t understand why you think you can prevent more problems by keeping me around! Clearly I cause them! I’m trying to fix it for you! I’m trying to make up for the problems I caused!”

Thomas was quiet for a long moment, to the point where Janus stopped breathing heavily and started to worry.

“Thomas?”

“Janus,” Thomas said quietly. “To me it just seems like you’re trying to punish yourself.”

Janus didn’t have a clue what to say.

“I— I’m not—”

“You know that’s not a helpful reaction, right?”

“I—” Janus pulled his hat off so he could hold it to hide the way his hands were shaking. “Thomas, you— you don’t understand. They— I left them there.”

Thomas nodded. “Yes.”

“Why aren’t you angry with me? Why aren’t you screaming at me?”

Thomas gave Janus a pained look. “Could I say anything that would make you feel worse than you already do?”

“I—” Janus’ legs were shaking. “I—”

“Janus,” Thomas stood up and walked over to him, and held out his arms. “Come here.”

“No.”

But Thomas didn’t move, and Janus was pretty sure he was about to collapse, and he couldn’t think of a better place to do it than in between Thomas’ arms.

And he always had been selfish.

Thomas ran his hands through Janus’ hair, and before long Janus was pretty sure they were both crying, though he doubted Thomas could match the heaving sobs Janus was choking out.

Thomas made quiet shushing noises, and Janus hated how much they made him feel better.

“It’s going to be alright,” Thomas murmured.

“Thomas,” Janus managed. “They’re my boys. I left my boys.”

There wasn’t a good response to that and they both knew it, so instead Thomas just shushed him again and kept running his hands through his hair.

“Do you know why the others came to talk to me?” Thomas said after a minute. “They said they were worried you were going to succeed in isolating yourself. I— I didn’t really care then, because I couldn’t, but I do now.”

“Why,” Janus said. His voice sounded like he’d dragged sandpaper over his throat.

“None of us hate you, Janus.”

“I do,” Janus muttered, half on purpose.

Thomas made a wounded noise and tightened his grip.

“Please let us help you,” Thomas whispered.

“I’m supposed to help you, Thomas.”

“You’re part of me,” Thomas said. “I want to help you Janus, please.”

“Why?”

“Because I love you idiot,” Thomas said. “We all do.”

Janus shook his head, but didn’t say anything.

“Are you going to keep trying to push us all away?” Thomas asked.

Janus didn’t say anything.

“Janus? Are you going to stop hurting yourself?”

Janus just ducked his head down further.

“Please, Janus. I don’t want to see you hurt.”

Oh, now that was just mean.

“I’ll try,” Janus whispered.

All of the tension rushed out of Thomas’ body at once, and he sighed in relief and pulled Janus closer.

“Promise you’ll talk to the others?”

“Don’t push it, Sanders.”

Thomas gave a displeased huff, but left it there for now. And for a long while after, the two of them stayed there together.

...

Chapter Thirty-Eight

#sanders sides #janus sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #virgil sanders #that's right my boy has RETURNED #platonic moceit #platonic roceit #platonic loceit #platonic dukeceit #platonic anxceit #my fic

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