#pictures taken outside because it was the first warm day of the year

[rosy-hollow]

Your husband, Sukuna, is a menace—but he can't say no to your even bigger menace of a daughter.

He already can't say no to you—the absolute sweetheart he had fallen deeply for—so how could he stand a chance against his five-year-old daughter, who looked so much like you yet had the wrath and fury to make even hell freeze over?

It’s Yuna’s first day of kindergarten, and you and your husband have already been called to the school because of your girl's… behavioral issues.

"Thank you for meeting with me, Mr. and Mrs. Sukuna. I, uh… as you’ve heard, Yuna has been acting disruptively in school today. We’ll have to send her home due to her actions, but I sincerely hope this doesn’t happen again."

Underneath the table, your hand finds your husband's reassuringly, squeezing it to let him know you'd handle this.

"I apologize for any inconvenience, sir... but may I know the details of what happened first?" you ask politely, maintaining a calm facade. And if the two of you weren’t talking to your daughter's school principal, Sukuna would’ve kissed you right then and there—because the moment he opened his mouth, he’d probably have a restraining order filed against him in every country.

Despite your calm demeanor, though, you were practically seething.

You knew your daughter. Yes, she had quite a temper, but to act up in such a way that caused a scene? That didn’t sound like her. And if she really had, then something serious must've happened.

The principal nods, sighing bitterly. "Apparently, there was a squabble between your daughter and another boy on the playground… He ended up with a tooth knocked out in the end."

You blink, taken aback, frowning.

Your daughter, though prone to getting angry, would never resort to violence. You and your husband raised her better than that.

Your blood simmers slightly as you take in the principal’s disdainful expression and condescending tone. You want to punch it off his face—but you don’t, much to your own chagrin.

Your husband is squeezing your hand so hard it feels like your bones might snap, but you still rub your thumb comfortingly against his knuckles.

"May I speak to my daughter? Though this behavior is unacceptable, this doesn’t sound like her at all," you say, and the principal sighs, nodding.

"Yes, but please make it quick."

You nod, mentally flipping the man off, before exiting the room with your furious husband in tow.

There, just outside, sits your daughter—wide red eyes filled with tears.

"I-I’m sorry, Mommy..." she whimpers softly, and something inside you breaks as you rush forward to envelop her in your arms.

It takes everything in you not to hunt down the people who reduced your loving daughter to this mess. And you're sure your husband isn’t doing any better—years and years of therapy doing everything it can to keep his rage at bay.

"H-He said my eyes m-made me look l-like a m-m-monster, and t-then he pushed me, and so I just pushed him back, and then he tripped over his shoelaces and his t-tooth fell out—"

Yuna is full-on sobbing now, and you freeze, holding her tightly.

Wordlessly, you pick up the small five-year-old and hand her to your husband, a glint in your eye. Sukuna stiffens, swallowing hard. His grip on Yuna tightens slightly as he watches you storm inside.

He’s only seen you mad maybe four times in your ten years of marriage—if Yuna could freeze hell over when she was angry, then you were the devil incarnate herself.

You reenter the principal’s office, slamming the door behind you. Sukuna decides to be a smart dad and take his daughter down the hall, avoiding what is definitely about to be verbal homicide.

When you finally exit the room, there's an eerily peaceful look on your face. Casually, you dust off your shirt, approaching your husband and daughter with a warm smile.

Sukuna and Yuna exchange uneasy glances.

"So~ who wants ice cream?"

Yuna’s not uneasy anymore.

Sukuna sighs.

He loves his two girls more than anything in the world—he never, ever would have pictured himself being the calmer one in the relationship, but you never ceased to prove him wrong.

That’s what he loved about you, though.

A/N: i love when beefy men are down bad for me (this has never happened)

[silverskye13]

feeling a bit insane over the way people remember the spaces left behind more than the ones who carved those spaces out for themselves

-leechwife hiiii

The city of hels is a tragedy, and we all stand witness.

Not to get too dark and personal, this story has started to remind me of [and I am starting to pull inspiration from] when my Papa passed away. It's been years now [I was 16 at the time], I've mostly healed, but grief has such a strange way of cycling. I want to handle grief in the universe in the same way.

Sometimes I remember Papa's laugh. I can't remember what his voice sounded like. I can't remember most of the conversations we had. But that odd, deep in his chest chuckle, two syllables of sound, inhale and exhale. He didn't full, outright belly laugh. When something was funny, he just had this small chuckle. I can remember that viscerally, but I can't remember how he would say my name.

In the same vein, I remember the day we learned he passed away. He worked out of state, and we knew something was wrong because he would call us every night, and one night he missed the phone call. The soonest we could get someone to check on him was the next morning. The news broke. We were bereft. My sister, my mom and me, after we had cried ourselves into exhaustion, all laid down to sleep together.

When I woke up, I had forgotten why I was laying there. It was a school day. I was supposed to be up hours ago. I never sleep in the same bed as my mom and sister. What's going on? Why do I ache like I've been crying? Then I remembered, and I was inconsolable again.

Grief is such a weird, ugly wound. Everyone reacts to it differently, and everyone will have to react to it in some way, someday. Not all grief is death. It's breakups. It's a friendship ending. It's changing jobs, or houses. It's pets getting lost, it's a favorite comfort broken, it's growing too old or too incompatible to eat a favorite food or enjoy a favorite past time. It happens. Memories, the little things that cycle back to us, that still glow warm when we hold them close, that help us cope with that grief. Smooth the edges. Heal the wound.

Hels is a place that is constantly grieving. People walk around wounded, and they cannot remember who inflicted the wound, with what blade, and why. I imagine it would be like losing your arm, and then promptly forgetting you ever had one. Your balance is still off. Your reflection in the mirror is asymmetrical. The wound where it was taken still hurts, some days it hurts unbearably. You know, because every day you look in the mirror and see your other arm, and your two legs, that the thing you're missing must have been important. It was something you wanted, and needed. It was something it pained you to lose. But you don't know what it was. Life would be easier with two arms, you think, and you look at the hole in your side and wonder why you would ever assume you had two.

And then you see pictures. Or you walk outside and you see someone who's whole, and you remember you were like that once. You miss it. But it feels good, at least, knowing why you're hurting. Finally you can put a reason to your pain. Finally you can cope with it. Maybe you can even heal from it.

Until you forget again.

The Remembrance Walls are important. The First Church, with its Order of Remembrance, is important. Who else would help us put the pieces back together? What else would help us heal? Hels is a difficult place to live for a thousand reasons. The nether is harsh. We are all the bitterest, most broken pieces of the people that made us. We are all wounded animals, fighting, howling, hiding, and wondering why we're in pain. Knowing, someday, we will be exactly the things we've forgotten, and no one will be able to mourn our passing. Such is the fate of something that was never meant to exist.

[luciel-anciel]

Bound to Falling in Love

(Rody x Vince) (Dead Plate)

A/N: I wanted to make something lighthearted, my intention was to write a "Touch Starved but Affectionate Boyfriend x Partner, who hates being touched"

I'm still planning on writing something with the same dialogue expect make it darker, but for now— have something bittersweet.

His thumb brushed against the crumpled polaroid , the picture had been clumsily stuffed into his pockets numerous times. It was an image of him with Vince on his side; a grimace ever so obvious, a deep frown on his face— glaring at him for disrupting his work.

Rody lets out a small laugh, this was taken during his first month working at the bistro. Vince never smiled that much outside from his professional line of work, he'd show a charismatic smile in those newspaper clippings but he could tell Vince’s smile was stiff.

Speaking of the devil, his boyfriend stepped into their shared apartment. His perfect posture gone as he abruptly slouched his shoulders, the weight of the day's stress evident in the tension that radiated from his every step

The old polaroid now placed on the nightstand.

He only kept that formal and well mannered facade when eyes watched him, Rody knew how much his partner cared deeply for his reputation, even more than death.

“Evening handsome, rough time at work?” The brunette’s tone was soft, no longer brash or rowdy— just gentle. If you listened closely, there was a slight firmness to his tone as if his gentleness felt forced.

“Mhm.” Vince's only response was a weary sigh as he made his way to the couch, collapsing into it with a heavy thud. Rody's heart ached at the sight of his partner so exhausted, but he refused to be deterred and followed Vince like a lost puppy.

His eyes seemed to have withered under the strain of his responsibilities, leaving behind a man consumed by his own inner turmoil.

“By the looks of it, it does seem like a rough day.” The brunette showed a warm smile, hoping to offer some semblance of comfort. Though with the way how Vince looked at him— It felt like he was talking to a brick wall.

The tan skinned man sat next to Vince, he slowly moved closer to him but noticed his lover, straying a bit further away from him. Oh how Rody wished that Vince would lay his head on his shoulder instead of the pillow.

Vince’s pale hand clutched the pillow tightly, a hint of vulnerability showed in his blank demeanor for a second.

Rody approached cautiously and reached out to hold his hand. But as his fingers brushed against Vince's, the reaction was immediate and sharp.

"Don't," Vince muttered, attempting to slap Rody's hand away, his fear of touch manifesting in the harshness of his actions.

But Rody held on, his grip firm yet gentle, refusing to let go. He still kept on persisting.

"Why'd you stay with me for so long?" Vince's voice was barely a whisper, filled with confusion and a touch of bitterness. He preferred to be blunt.

"Because I love you" Rody replied, his affection had always been sincere, never the type to lie about his affection as well.

His voice unwavering and he played around with Vince's fingers, intertwining them together.

To Vince, when people say a word too much or too often, it cheapens the meaning.

“I—I loved you enough to let you tear me into pieces.” Rody’s tone wasn't one out of desperation nor infatuation, rather it sounded like someone that endured hardships, one who's tone sacrificed so much to fight for the ones he loved even when he had to go through immense pain.

Vince, upon hearing that, could only hold his head down low in shame.

The amount of times the two fought, felt meaningless now. Excruciatingly long years spent building bonds and reluctantly given trust— was all lost under a fit of rage.

It was always Rody that would reconcile to Vince, asking for forgiveness and he always let his pride get to him.

He brought Vince's hand to his chest, feeling the steady beat of his own heart beneath it. “And I loved you enough that I was willing to let all your mistakes be ignored even when it kept me awake at night…”

"Why?" His dark eyes softened, a flicker of emotion breaking through his hardened exterior.

Rody had nights where he laid awake, staring at his lover's resting face. Their faces were a few inches apart, and he would keep looking at Vince's peaceful expression, trying to match his breathing pattern. It calmed him down, made him feel closer to Vince in a way that words could never capture.

He would watch the gentle rise and fall of Vince’s chest, the way his lashes fluttered slightly with his dreams. Rody wondered when Vince would look at him like that, with calmness, with such a rested expression. The sight brought a strange mixture of comfort and longing. Comfort, because he could be near the person he loved most; longing, because he wished Vince could find the same peace in their love that he did.

He pondered, would Vince ever look at him so calmly when awake?

The man shook his head gently, his other hand slowly reaching up to touch Vince's cheek. "I loved you even when I felt like I was losing myself.”

A pained expression crossed Vince's face as he whispered, "I'm sorry."

Silence hung between them, the weight of Rody's words settling over Vince like a heavy blanket. In that silence, the pale man thought about all the ways he had failed his lover, all the times his actions had caused pain rather than joy.

He didn’t want to lose Rody, nor did he want Rody to bear the burden of their relationship alone.

Vince leaned into Rody's touch, his eyes closing as he absorbed the warmth and reassurance that radiated from his partner. "I don't deserve you" he murmured, his voice thick with emotion.

Rody's smile was soft and filled with unconditional love. "You deserve to be loved, Vince. And I'm here, always."

He placed a soft kiss on Vince’s forehead, Rody was gentle with his actions.

"And I loved you even when I constantly questioned myself why I'm still staying with you," Rody finished, his hand cupping Vince's cheek tenderly, his thumb brushing away a stray tear.

Vince sat there rigid, the feeling of his warm lips lingered on his skin, his body feeling overwhelmed, instinctively flinched at the initial touch.

The idea of being vulnerable, of letting someone in so intimately, was foreign and uncomfortable for him. He had built walls around his heart for so long that the simple act of a hug felt almost foreign.

Rody, sensing Vince's hesitation, moved slowly, his hand moving away from his cheeks. He didn't force the embrace but instead offered it, letting Vince decide whether to accept it fully or not

For a moment, Vince remained stiff, his muscles tense as if he were bracing for impact. His mind raced with doubts and fears, but he had to take a chance-?

Slowly, Vince's defenses began to crumble. His arms, initially hanging awkwardly at his sides, moved to encircle Rody's waist. The touch was hesitant at first, Vince unaware how to even hold his own lover.

Vince was still scared to hold his arms around Rody; embracing him and though his actions were meticulously slow, the way he moved his arms to wrap around Rody’s waist was quite slow, matching the pace of a snail.

He felt the steady, calming presence of Rody's heartbeat against his chest. It was a rhythm that spoke of acceptance, a reminder that he wouldn't be rushed, that Rody wouldn't force him to deal with his ‘issue’ quickly.

Gradually, Vince's grip tightened, his fingers curling into the fabric of Rody's shirt.

Vince buried his face into the crook of Rody's neck, his breath warm and shaky against his tan skin. The reluctance was still there, a lingering doubt that gnawed at the edges of his mind, but the comfort of Rody's embrace began to soothe the turmoil within him.

Rody held him patiently once more, his hands gently rubbing Vince's back in slow, reassuring circles. He could feel the tension slowly ebbing away from Vince's body, replaced by a tentative acceptance of the intimacy they were sharing.

He was careful with his touches, or where he even touched the man— avoiding places where Vince felt the most discomfort.

As Vince finally allowed himself to melt into the hug, streams of tears escaped his tightly shut eyes, tracing a path down his cheek. He clung to Rody as if afraid he might disappear, finding solace in the warmth and safety of his partner's arms. It was a reluctant surrender, but a surrender nonetheless, and in that embrace, Vince began to realize that maybe, just maybe, he didn't have to face everything alone.

There was still a part of him that disliked being touched, a part of him that would flinch at the faintest of touch but he wanted to still try, he wanted to embrace Rody in his arms, just this once.

[leapingbadger]

Decisions - Chapter 2 - Crosshair

I wanted to post a chapter each day because each of Omega's beloved brothers deserves the spotlight. Today it's Crosshair's turn.

Will our favorite grumpy sniper agree with Omega's desire to join the rebellion?

All five Chapters are up on AO3.

Omega was reluctant to seek out her brothers after her conversation with Hunter hadn’t gone so well. She assumed like any good Sergeant he would relay the details of his conversation to his brothers, and she didn’t like the idea of already being on the defensive.

The warm sunlight was creeping towards the horizon as she made her way to the cliff. It looked the same as it had the first time she came here with Crosshair all those years ago. She smiled as she recognized the slim frame of his silhouette against the setting sun.

“Thought I’d find you here,” she said quietly as she listened to his calm, rhythmic breathing.

He didn’t answer right away, taking another deep breath and letting it out slowly. She sat down beside him, the ground warm beneath her as the waves crashed loudly against the side of the rock of the island below.

The light linen clothes he wore gave him the air of a spiritual nomad. She had thought he looked strange the first time she saw him in island garb but now she couldn’t picture what he looked like without it. The idea of him in armor was absurd.

“You’re a regular tracker,” he said with a smile as she settled in beside him, her hands upturned on her knees and eyes closed.

Crosshair took another deep breath in and out before finally turning to look at her. She could feel his eyes on her, even though hers were closed.

“Hunter told you, didn’t he?” she asked, letting a deep breath out and opening her eyes, gazing resolutely at the horizon instead of her little brother.

“He didn’t have to. Wrecker and I overheard. You’re not as stealthy as you think,” he said in his usual sarcastic tone.

Omega opened her eyes and turned to her brother. He had a wry smile on his lips.  She laughed before sighing heavily, “Do you think it’s a mistake?” she asked.

His mouth twitched, “I can’t answer that for you. You have to make your own decisions.” He said straightforwardly, his brow furrowed, giving away that something else was going on beneath the simplicity of his statement.

She turned to face him in frustration. His eyes widened in surprise, but it didn’t last for long, his face falling back into the ever-present scowl that usually occupied it. He had a few more lines on his face these days, his grey hair had grown into a short crop but was unable to cover the scar on the right side of his head. At least she knew she wasn’t the cause of his grey hair. He had a spatter of grey stubble on his chin that refused to grow into a full beard, much to Hunter’s amusement.

“It’s the right thing to do, Crosshair. You know that. How can I…” she looked out to sea, grasping for the right word, “…hide here while others are laying down their lives for this fight?”

“You’re not hiding. You’re living. Sometimes in war that’s the bravest thing you can do.”

 Omega stifled an eye roll although she was sure Crosshair could sense it. “The empire isn’t going to get smaller, Crosshair, eventually it will come here. We have to stop it before it does.”

“The empire has already been here, Omega. They realized there is nothing of value here as long as they had you. You need to remember that.”

She wasn’t sure why but her head moved as if he had slapped her. She huffed and crossed her arms, but Crosshair’s expression remained wholly unapologetic for what he had said.

The invasion of Pabu in search of her was one of the things that had stuck with her long after the ships had left the island, and long after her final escape from Tantiss too. She saw Wrecker’s unconscious body whenever she visited the docks, always paused outside the home the troopers were set to burn and lingered too long as the spot where she was taken away from her home.

She shook her head to rid herself of the unwelcome memories. This conversation wasn’t going the way she thought it would. Crosshair was usually on her side when she and Hunter disagreed.

“That was years ago. They haven’t shown any interest since. They don’t even know I exist.”

“That you know of,” Crosshair interjected.

Omega huffed again, “You sound like Hunter.”

“He was the sergeant for a reason, Omega. He could gather all the intel, listen to the experts and decide on a safe way forward that would protect the squad. Don’t mistake his reluctance as overprotectiveness alone, it’s strategic as well.”

“So, you agree with him? I should just stay here, become a teacher like Lyana, marry a local and settle down?”

Crosshair rolled his eyes, “no one is trying to tell you how to live your life. We just want you to be safe so you can have the life you want.”

Omega felt herself soften as she looked at her battle-hardened brother, his left hand absentmindedly playing with the fingers of his prosthetic right hand.  “You have kept me safe, Crosshair. All of you. You gave me a childhood I never thought I’d have. You gave me a home, peace, love, and a life where I didn’t want for anything. But don’t you think it’s my turn to pay that forward? To give that to another scared kid who doesn’t have a family and has no one to protect them?”

“And who’s going to protect you? You think I didn’t notice that carbon scoring on the ship? You barely got out of whatever skirmish you were in. You really want to do that on a daily basis? There’s a reason the rebellion needs pilots, Omega. They keep dying.”

Omega winced and nodded, of course his eagle eyes had noticed the damage when she’d arrived home. “I can take care of myself, Crosshair. I have everything I learned from you, Hunter, Wrecker, Tech, Echo, Phee and all the other people I have met along the way. I can do this.”

Crosshair sighed deeply as he kept his eyes on his hands, “Omega, the empire has been successful because it is insidious. I know more than anyone that the people who work within it are driven by their need for power and there are a great many people like that in the galaxy. I got caught up in it, for a while. Even if the rebellion is successful one day, and that’s a big if, the vacuum imperial destruction would create would just bring another power-hungry leader to the forefront. This isn’t a fight that is easily won.”

Omega paused thoughtfully, “Even so, we have to try.” she said determinedly.

Crosshair sighed again, “I see I’m not going to win this argument today.” He said, settling back into position, his legs crossed, palms facing upwards on his knees.

“I guess not,” Omega said sadly.

“Then can we get back to it? I’m gunna need a long session to recover from this conversation.”

Omega laughed, “Sure thing, little brother.”

She watched the corner of his mouth tick up as the sun continued to dip below the horizon. The warm sea breeze was blowing Omega’s hair as they sat in comfortable silence. With the last moments of fading warmth, Pabu’s light show began, illuminating the entire island from lower Pabu to the weeping maya tree and Archium above.  

[agentwriter]

So, I sort of got an Operation Blackout headcanon. Real angsty too to go with the whumptober vibe so be prepared-

I saw a couple days ago a post about how canonically Rookie was doing the laundry when Herbert nabbed him, and I went “damn, that’s anticlimatic” because I imagined things going a lot differently. Picture this scenario:

Rookie is taking a walk around, knowing damn well that he’s one of Herbert’s targets by being the EPF’s Comms lead, if G and Dot’s kidnappings mean anything. He’s been getting bad vibes all day, so he’s been trying to keep his nerves on check by not worrying too much, maybe it’s just the growing coldness getting to him? Or the lack of sunlight despite being day leaving him uneasy? Either way, he continues on, hopeful that Herbert hasn’t caught onto his location yet, even if he’s obviously the least careful around his secret identity of all agents with how much stuffed he has leaked to the media along the years.

He tries to chill out, and that goes fine until Rookie hears a couple of suspicious clicks ahead and spots a couple crabs looking at him, and in any other occasion Rookie would approach and greet them with open arms, however, these crabs aren’t supposed to be here. They should be underwater, burrowing in lumps of sand until the temperature gets warm enough for them to be cozy around the island…

Unless, these crabs are here for him.

He should’ve guessed Herbert’s crab army would be a part of this whole scheme, the agent blinks once and crustaceans are gone, even so, he can feel their little ways watching him from somewhere hidden now. How long have they been following him?! The EPF’s teleportation system’s been broken ever since Gary disappeared (and no one managed to fix it without him) and he couldn’t really run to one of the resistance’s hideouts and risk their existence- So he decides to run to his igloo that is a bit close and lock all the doors as fast as possible.

After doing that, he hears some bangs coming from outside and immediately figures he’s cornered. Rookie shoots an SOS message to other agents but he doubts he’ll be able to escape his fate, especially when Dot, someone known for being able to sneak past the most sticky situations, couldn’t. While Rookie realizes that Herbert is going to take him away from his friends and leak his agent info like he did with the others he captured, he decided to make one final message.

And here’s another headcanon inside another scenario but just hear me out- Rookie is a comntent creator. Even before he joined the PSA he did silly vlog videos and livestreams where he chatted and game’d a bit. Of course, he couldn’t really upload more of his wholesome content while dealing with Herbert’s dictatorship in Operation Blackout, and since the Club Penguin News was taken over too, Rookie, along with many other penguin content creators, became replacement sources of information for all of Club Penguin that wished to know where to find food, shelter, if the resistance is doing any progress and all that, so basically-

The day Rookie was kidnapped, he did one last livestream.

He barricades the door of his recording room and immediately starts the stream. The viewers can see something’s different just by the way the whole thing is setup, Rookie looks nervous, and decides since this is probably the first thing Herbert will leak when he’s captured, he figures it will eb better if he does it himself. So instead of the usual welcomes and smiles, he starts the transmission with “I’m Rookie. Officer of Public Relations and leader of the EPF’s Communication sector, and I have a small announcement for you all…”

The message is actually pretty short, 6-7 minutes at most, and Rookie is overall very serious despite being apparently nervous. He talks about the Blackout, and how everyone that has resisted Herbert has been suffering, and how the EPF is sparing no effort to bring things back to normal, and apologizes since he’s going to be offline for a while. He mentions other channels that could serve as good sources of information while he’s gone and then asks for everyone to maintain hope despite it all, that Club Penguin has faced a lot of disasters together, and that this one won’t be any different.

By this point, the way Rookie was glancing sideways together with the bangs coming from somewhere off-screen, the chat was begging him to escape.

But he didn’t, using his final minutes to do a personal goodbye. He talks about his friends at the EPF, how all of them are incredibly resourceful and fierce, and especially good at their jobs. Rookie asks them to be strong, just as he’ll try to be now. He’s scared but hopeful, and just then, a powerful blow breaks the door down.

The camera is knocked off into the ground and sounds of struggles along with clicks can be heard, the commotion doesn’t take long either, and when EPF’s tactical team finally arrive on the scene, it’s too late.

Rookie’s igloo is empty of it’s owner, and a couple of hours later, Herbert shares the news with glee along with more confidential stuff, as a treat.

And like that, Operation Blackout continues.

So ye, this is the headcanon. There’s more that could be discussed about it like the other agents reaction (jetkie angst yummy) and how Rookie gets an earful by the Director when everything is over. But that’s the main meat of it. I should probably translate this into proper fanfiction format later (idk if there’s a lot of club penguin fanfic readers out there tho), but it would be nest anyways.

Thanks for reading this ^^

[bendysinitiation]

(A timeline of events from an outsider’s perspective, based on @bendyredrawn ‘s very own timeline! In this world, JDS’s growth is much like Fleischer Studios, with some things from Disney.)

1919 - Drew-Stein Studios is created by Joey Drew and Henry Stein. They also release their first short, “Little Devil Darlin'“. It stars a misunderstood little imp that tries to keep a job in turning people to sin. It becomes a hit with minority groups, such as immigrants, as escapism from the riots of the time, and conservative whites of New York find it blasphemous.

1920 - “Imp from the Inkwell“ Is released. In this story, the imp, now named Bendy, gets into antics with a live action Henry Stein. The production of short comics also start, introducing an unnamed hellhound into the picture.

1922 - More cartoons and comics are made. Notably, Boris makes his entrance in “Boorish Beasts”. He is Bendy’s acquaintance and foil, being quiet and calculative, but warm-hearted.

1925 - The Bendy film “Tombstone Picnic” makes a breakthrough by becoming the first ever animated “talkie” through vitaphone. The titular character is voiced by none other than Joey himself. Drew-Stein Studios hits the top of the charts for animation in America.

1926 - Another series, Telltale Trio, is introduced into the catalogue. It is not focused on the well-known imp from hell, but instead a trio of ghastly animals haunting a small town. Drew-Stein Studios changes its name to Joey Drew Studios.

1927-1930 - Countless other comics and talkies are released. The idea of angels are also introduced to the Bendy series. JDS grows exponentially in young employees during the start of the Great Depression.

1932-1933 - One year of mostly comics. Rumors go around that JDS is buying out a new studio in the Brooklyn area to house all its new departments. Joey Drew mentions big things are coming, but keeps it a surprise.

1933 - Construction finishes on the new studio and production moves in. Several female singers, musicians, and foley artists are also hired around this time. Alice Angel is introduced: a trigger-happy messenger that’s ended up in Hell. This also marks the year of JDS’s first color film.

1934 - With the addition of the Hays code, JDS holds back on all the violence, and produces less Bendy cartoons. Strangely enough, its reputation and income is barely effected. Alice Angel becomes the darling of the show around this time.

1936 - JDS releases a feature-length on the return of Bendy. It becomes extremely popular. But at the same time an endemic of sickness spreads throughout New York for a few days. There are also reports of some theatres receiving completely corrupted canisters that have whole minutes blacked out, melting, or incomprehensible.

1937- Henry Stein leaves the company because of “creative differences”. The studio’s growth comes to a halt.

1937-1940 - Production slows on more Bendy cartoons, instead focusing on other series again. Employees start protesting for better treatment outside the studio.

1940-1943 - Employees of the studio start to go missing, along with other employees leaving in droves. All report sickness.

1944-1945 - The studio, again, advertises a new breakthrough. A few more cartoons come out, all focusing on Bendy. People near the studio report cold chills and auditory hallucinations for months upon end.

1946 - After a mass plunge into hysteria from people in the near vicinity of JDS for 3 hours, The studio goes completely silent. All people employed go missing. Many investigations are taken out under these disappearances, but all become cold cases. People that go in don’t come out. Eventually, the studio is demolished.

1963 - New animation released. Henry is told by Joey to record the old studio. Game events.

[inureiris]

Mob AU! Buck Begins

Evan “Buck” Buckley grows up associated with the Kendall mob. His parents worked in the banking industry and weren’t above taking a little to hide a lot. Buck sees things that he knows he shouldn’t have and Maddie tells him to forget about them, to pretend nothing happened.

When Buck is 10, his sister catches the eye of Doug Kendall, not one of the main Kendalls but a trusted cousin. She’s married and gone by Buck’s 12th birthday. Buck doesn’t see or hear from her again, until his 18th. She sends him a card with her and Doug’s signature, and manages to call him to tell him to look in under her bed for his gift.

Attached to the bottom of Maddie’s bed frame, Buck finds a fist-sized box with $500 of cash in small notes, a set of car keys, and a note that reads,

“Dear Buck,

Happy 18th Birthday! I know you probably haven’t heard from me in ages but please trust me one last time. Go to those coordinates. Take the jeep. Run. Take these next 5 years, and go. See the world. LEAVE PENNSYLVANIA.

All my Love, Maddie.

[coordinates of car]

P.S. I pinkie promise I explain all of this one day”

Buck does as he is told by the one person he knows loves him. He runs. He goes to the east coast for a year and surfs, goes north for two and works on a ranch. Until one day, he notices some familiar faces around him and promptly gets on the first international flight he can afford, which brings him to Peru. He stays in Peru, bartending, for about a year until he hears the whispers. The Kendall mob was taken down by the police. It’s time to go home.

As soon as he lands in LA, there’s a cop waiting for him with a picture of him and his sister as kids. Sergeant Athena Grant tells him that his sister wanted to be here but was under witness protection. Sergeant Grant hadn’t planned to do anything more than tell the kid about his sister but she looks at his sad puppy eyes and feels her mama bear instincts rise up. She offers him the guest room in her house and a warm meal. Buck, although suspicious, agrees.

He stays the night and then goes out the next morning to get a job. He searches for a week but finds nothing. Athena ends up finding him a job at a coffee bar that Micheal frequents. Buck tries to move out after a month, but Athena puts her foot down. Safe and affordable apartments are hard to find and the cost of living is high in LA, he should just pay her for the utilities he uses and stay. So he does.

He ends up spending a lot of time with May and Harry since they adore him and follow him around like ducklings. He learns to cook from Athena, both Micheal and Athena sit with him to figure out what he wants to do with his life. He settles on becoming a firefighter and Micheal insists on dropping him off for his first day of training as well as taking a picture of him outside the building.

Buck ends up still working part-time at the coffee bar because he wants to keep paying his rent (much to Athena’s displeasure). That Christmas, Athena gives him adult adoption papers and after they file the papers, she gives Evan ‘Buck’ Grant back the money he kept trying to give her for rent.

He meets the handsome Eddie Diaz and his adorable son at work, the day after he’s changed all his papers to his new name.

[see the rest of this AU]

[mxtantrights]

famous dc! au (dick's version)

TRACK FOURTEEN (DELUXE VERSION): I'M YOUR MAN / GIVE A LITTLE BIT

It's Winter holiday time in Hollywood and nothing feels like the holidays. Maybe its the building feeling of homesickness inside of you, or the feeling of change in the air. The sun is out and its way hotter than you're used to this time of year.

You really miss the snow. You miss the snow angles you would pass by on the street. And the snowmen that were falling apart but made with love with scarves and carrot noses.

You've been dating Dick Grayson for six months now, and he's taken you by surprise at each turn. When you needed to take new head shots for another project you wanted to apply to he helped you out-meaning he offered to take you to a professional studio and drop twelve hundred dollars on you. You of course made sure that didn't happen and made him take the pictures himself.

Another time, he offered to shut down the aquarium to take you just because you were having a bad day. It was a really kind and generous offer but you couldn't imagine inconveniencing anyone because your boyfriend is Hollywood's heartthrob.

Today just felt different. It felt like you really didn't want to be in the state of California at all. And if you saw another palm tree you might throw up. That's why you've stayed inside your apartment all week. Dick has been over all week too but you can't keep coming up with excuses about why your skin hasn't seen the sun.

A knock on your bedroom door raps and you know it's him. You tell him to come in. The door opens and in walks your boyfriend. But it's strange. He's dressed in a coat and a scarf.

He has Haley in his arms. You sit up in bed with a confused look on your face.

"Dickie?" you ask.

"Yes darling?" he asks, teasingly.

"It's eighty nine degrees outside." you say.

Dick hums, "no I don't think it is."

"You're gonna faint from the heat." you counter.

Dick shakes his head, "It's actually snowing outside, so I don't know what you're talking about."

You look at him then. Maybe he's trying method acting? You get up from the bed and pull back the curtains, back facing the window ready to prove him wrong.

"I need you to look outside Dickie." you say.

"Oh I am." he says with all the confidence in the world.

You turn around to point outside to the green gras but your eyes are met with nothing but white. White? You pull open your window and stick your head out. It's still hot. But there's snow on the ground.

There's snow on the ground?

"What going on? Why is there snow on the ground? It's hot." you speak.

"I know you were missing home so I thought I'd bring a piece of it here." he explains.

Your whirl around all at once. Then you're running over to Dick. You wrap your arms around his neck and embrace him fully. Your legs wrap around him barely and he holds onto you.

"Thank you so much, you are the best person I've ever met and I can't believe you did this for me. You're the best, Dick Grayson." you gleefully say.

He hugs you even tighter.

"I know, I know. But I also promised the kids that they could come out in about twenty minutes so if you wanna make the first snow angel we have to go right now." Dick says.

You let go of him and run to your closet. Your hands push and pull the hangers and the clothing inside. That's when you realize you don't have any coats. It's California!

"I don't have a coat!" you shout.

"Oh you don't need it. It's artificial anyways." Dick says.

Then he's grabbing your arm and pulling you out of your apartment, down the steps and out into the backyard. You happily fall into the snow on your back and swipe your arms and legs.

Dick watches from above as the smile that he had missed this past week finally forms on your lips.

-

Dick thinks it can't get any better than this. He's got the warm sun on his skin, the water at his feet and the love of his life right by his side. He looks over at you, only to find you not there. He looks around frantically thinking he lost you.

But his eyes catch you at the bar talking to an older woman. Of course. You are so charismatic and charming. She's laughing at something you said and you're smiling at her.

You look over at him and his heart melts. You tell him that you're coming, he tells you not to rush. You turn back to your new friend.

Dick lets out a sigh of relief. He doesn't care what position he's in on the charts right now. Or if enough of his merchandise is selling. Or if the latest roll out is going as projected.

All there is to think about is you and the island sun.

"I made a friend!" you shout as you run over to Dick.

He laughs, "I can see that."

"That was fun. She wanted to paint us." you explain to him.

Dick looks at you with a funny look, "Naked?"

"No! She just liked how we looked against the sunset. She wanted to know if you'd be okay with it, so I came over to ask you." you wrap your arm around his waist.

He places a few kisses on your hairline, "I'd like it. Tell her yes."

He watches as you turn around and give a thumbs up. He can't help but smile at you as you do. For the first time, being in love isn't something he wants to shy away from or feels the need to be embarrassed about.

Love.

Huh.

"She also said she knew your dad." you speak up.

Dick is pulled out of his trance right then and there. He looks down at you with his full attention now. You look mildly confused why he seems to attentive.

"The woman back there? The woman you were just talking to?" he asks.

You nod your head, "Yeah but I mean, don't people say that all the time? How can you believe it's true?"

Dick looks back to see the woman again, but she's gone. Bruce has never told him anything about his first love and yet Dick feels like the universe doesn't leave room for coincidences.

He turns back to you, "I could always ask him when we get back. He's due to tell me some stories from the past anyways."

"Aw, that's sweet. Maybe we can find your dad someone!" you smile.

"Maybe..."

-

Dick sets the tea down on the table in front of him. His father, Bruce, comes walking around the table and sits next to him on the couch. He sets down his own mug on the table-coaster provided via Alfred.

"So, I think I ran into your first love while I was on vacation."

Bruce almost chokes on his drink. He looks over at his son slowly. Dick notices that Bruce has gone somewhat still. And not his usual still where he's still processing details and making observations and what not.

This was new.

He was unfocused. Fazed.

"What do you mean by that?" Bruce asks.

"I mean when I was on the beach, there was a woman there. She said she knew you." Dick explains.

Bruce sits up, his back straight like a board. He tries to look unfazed, like he's just passing the time with this conversation but Dick can tell this is probably one of the most important conversations he's had in a while. Or at least one that he's firmly committed to.

"Describe her." Bruce commands.

Dick can't help to wonder what the hell happened between the two of them. He's never seen Bruce so on edge before. Dick goes on to describe the woman he saw. With each detail that flies out of his mouth Bruce shuts his eyes, turns away, and shifts his body.

"Bruce what's going on? I thought you said that you didn't fail." Dick asks.

Bruce scoffs, "I said that to give you confidence. I failed, miserably and hard."

Dick slinks back into the couch. He lets out a breath of air and crosses his arms across his chest.

"Well, what are we gonna do?" Dick asks.

Bruce looks over at him, "What do you mean?"

"How are you gonna get the love of your life back?"

[thecandywrites]

Monster March 2025- Day 9- Giant

Yes I know I'm a couple days behind, but I'll catch up, I promise. I'm actually quite proud of myself for getting this far with so many handicaps, (I had a stroke, a brain aneurysm, and Seritonin Toxicity, all within three weeks of each other, all before March, all three could have killed me and I'm...still...by a miracle...alive. I'm pretty sure my desire to do this was what kept me living.)

Huge thanks to @borealwrites for their Monster March 2025 Masterlist. This is also the third year I WILL. DO. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. SO HELP ME GOD. I have a plan. I may be a little behind, but thankfully I wrote a lot of this before all that...bullshittery went down.

Monster March 2025 Day 8- Minotaur

Laundry Day 

River was sleeping on the couch while Rane was happy and content to move her laundry from the washer to the dryer in their apartment before he started another load, using her favorite laundry products to do so. And then once that was going, began to fold the fresh laundry that had just come out of the dryer before it could wrinkle. 

But as he was folding her laundry, he couldn’t help but go online and buy her new articles of clothing that would fit her, or perhaps that didn’t have holes or stains and especially, new scrubs. Really nice ones that would feel just as good as they would look on her, now that he could see the sizes for himself, the numbers of the sizes, didn’t mean anything to him, just how they would fit her, if they fit her right, and she felt comfortable and confident wearing them, that’s all that mattered to him. Plus, he knew from his own mother and sisters that women’s conventional fast fashion clothing was measured by voodoo practically. 

And River needed some socks that would match, because he had 7 socks of hers that didn’t have a match to them yet and he was just hoping and praying they would be in the other loads of laundry as he eyed the overflowing IKEA bags that were  being used as temporary laundry baskets that lined his hallway outside the small but functional laundry room in the apartment they now shared and called their own. 

He went ahead and put her things away into the dresser she had picked out but that he had gotten just for her. In fact, putting it together had been fun too, that whole trip to IKEA had been so fun, only because he had gone with her, getting a sense of her style and her likes and dislikes along the way. 

Rane found himself smiling when he was able to put her things away neatly into her dresser for her. He finally felt like once she moved in here with him, that this place finally felt like home. It had always been ‘his place’ before, but now with her in it, it was ‘their home’. It had gotten its own make-over thanks to her and it had never felt more welcoming or warm or cozy before, now that she was in it with him and that it was a place for them both. And the thought made him broadly grin. A picture he had taken of them together was freshly printed, and freshly framed, sitting on the dresser too and glancing at it, that grin became a happy, contented smile. 

He was so happy, he wasn’t used to being this genuinely happy, all the time, he was so happy that after that first meeting with her, when fate, practically brought them together. He had taken a chance, taken his shot of a lifetime, never been so happy he did and that, pun intended, hit the bullseye. 

He had no idea love could grow that quickly, or that it would take a hold of him so strongly. Or stay so loyally ever since and he had no idea how easy a relationship could be. It was somehow effortless, despite his great efforts to make this as successful as possible, and a joy and the most rewarding thing in his life. Only because River made it so. She was as no nonsense in just about every aspect of her life as she was about her professional life, granted, her relationships with her family, that’s where things could get complicated because she came from a big family, and it could get complicated, trying to keep track of everything and everyone in it, but that was normal, he supposed. But otherwise, they just clicked, perfectly, instantly and had off the charts chemistry that was so quickly morphing from lust to love, it wasn’t even funny. He was already trying to figure out what her ring size was and what kind of engagement ring she wanted. He was that head over horns, over hooves in love with her. 

And once he had proven himself worthy and trustworthy and a rock she could lean on and depend on- then the floodgates really opened and he never wanted them to close. He wanted to worship every inch of her, and had tried, on several occasions and would continue to do so as often as he could, as often as she wanted. She had taken him by the horns, both literally and figuratively, which was honestly, what he had always wanted and craved. She was honest and direct and communicated worth a damn, she had no problems speaking her mind and being open, honest and transparent, she was not into mind games, love games or anything like that. She had no time or patience or tolerance for that bullshit, and honestly, neither did he. She both demanded and earned every ounce of respect and he’d gore anyone who didn’t respect her in turn. 

She didn’t breadcrumb her love and affection like all his exes did, she expressed her love with everything she had, she gave it with her whole heart, soul and mind and gave all she had to give and didn’t hold anything back, and he found himself returning it in kind, and that’s how their relationship was as great as it was for being as ‘new’ as it was. 

He both felt like he was still in the honeymoon phase, but had somehow moved into ‘old married couple’ phase seamlessly. She was a real woman who knew who and what she was, she knew her worth, and didn't put up with shit from anyone, which he really respected and admired. And there was a sweet vulnerable side to her, that he treasured and did everything in his power to protect and never, ever betray. 

And, when she wasn’t working her ass off, the woman could cook! He had never thought, either his French, or Italian Grandmother’s cooking could be topped. But hers? Because she was Latina, the spiciness wasn’t just in her cooking or personality, it was in everything about her and he loved every bit of it and was trying to learn the dialects of Mexican and Cuban Spanish she spoke. Because one of her grandma’s was from Mexico City that ended up coming up to L.A. California, and the other was Cuban, from Miami that ended up moving up to New York. And her parents had met in med school. Her mom was a nurse too. And her dad was a Physical Therapist, which totally explained her medical background and one of her brothers was trying to become a pediatrician. 

After that first appointment, he had taken half the day off to get his place ready to cohabit with her, because he had known, just that instantly, that he had found the one. He knew instantly that they were going to be together, he knew instantly that he loved her and would continue to love her no matter what and do whatever it took to make her happy. He hadn’t taken but a few hours to move most of his wardrobe into the second bedroom’s closet that he had made an office. He had a cleaning service come in and give the place a very thorough deep clean. Removing any and every trace of any ex before River because while the apartment building itself was newly renovated, he needed to start fresh and on a clean slate with River. He put the best set of sheets he had on his bed, the real- thousand thread count pure Egyptian Cotton in a sateen weave. He had tossed them into the dryer to freshen up from being in his linen closet. He even set out the best towels, the best, everything he had, just for the off chance that she would come there and use it. And he had never been so grateful that he had, because she had come and did use it and appreciated it. It was time, effort and money well spent, because that cleaning service found several articles and items that past exes had left. And he disposed of all of it, because again, he needed a fresh and as clean of a slate he could get with River. 

Because he only had to go to bring her home that night, after picking her up with a whole tray a 13x9 aluminum tray, stuffed full of several tacos of every flavor that his favorite taco truck had with several little cups of salsa and queso and extra cheese, extra lime wedges and she had devoured three quarters of that tray and drank a whole six pack of coronas with lime and tequila with it. And she had praised that it was the best date ever. When he finished off the tray after she was full. 

He then took her his apartment and quite literally fucked her to sleep in his bed, she had cum twice, and didn’t even bother to clean herself up before she had practically passed out, in a state of bliss in his bed, but that didn’t mean he didn’t clean up the mess he had made and made sure she was comfortable and could rest easy. And in his bed which quickly became their bed, was where she slept until her next shift at the Velvet Spa the following morning, after he had at least made her breakfast and while she was at work, he went ahead and stocked his fridge and cabinets with her favorite foods, or at least the ingredients to make her favorite foods and others to try to see if he could find new favorites, and of course, practically a case of condoms. He did always aim to please, but once it was clear that she was clean, as was he, sexually and that she was on birth control, the case of condoms, never needed to be opened, extra bottles of lube? Those needed to be purchased though. And then she returned and stayed every night since, bringing more and more of her things with each trip, which was fine and welcome by him.

Rane had never had such strong, practically primal urges to not only provide but care for a partner before. Every other relationship was always so… casual or so..passively informal, or at the very least impersonal. No strong feelings, no strong attachments, nothing beyond ‘she’s cute’ and ‘he’s scary but well off and my ticket to the soft, easy life with minimal effort.’ Which he really had not liked, at all. It made him feel used and unappreciated and cheapened and it made him feel like, they were more in love with his apartment and his paycheck than they ever even liked him as a person. And never did love him. 

But with River? It was the opposite, she could care less about the apartment, or the paycheck or anything like that, all she cared about was him, the fact that he was a self sufficient adult who could and would do dishes and laundry and help cook and clean up and sweep and mop and vacuum. And that’s what mattered the most to her. The fact that she didn’t have to mother him, he was an equal partner, in this relationship. They both took but they also, both gave too. And they gave as good as they took, if not better. 

And River proved her love for him, with every word, touch and gesture towards him in their relationship and how they viewed and treated each other. The second biggest thing she wanted to know about him, was his family, his siblings, his parents, his grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins and his relationships with them and the family dynamics. Because she too felt that a person was more than just them on their own, that their family and the dynamics in those families played huge roles in a person’s personality and mental makeup and how that family communicated and what communication styles they used. And he was grateful that he could answer her questions honestly. And that was something that his exes never cared enough to ask about or to know. But were actually key in understanding themselves and each other better. 

And they both showed their own genuine attraction and affection for each other. And she had said ‘I love you’ first, to him, not in the throws of passion, but when she woke up in his bed, in his arms, a sleepy, dreamy smile on her face and sweet good morning kiss, that honestly, started a chain reaction of the best morning sex they had ever had. And saying it back didn’t feel forced or a lie, it was true and honest and real. 

He loved her. 

She loved him. 

That’s all that mattered to them. The rest was just details. 

With River, everything was practically electric, immediate, practically spontaneous, strong, hard, fast, intense. It was a flood that he happily drowned in every moment of his existence since she came into his life. But, for as quickly as their relationship had progressed, it was just as solid and just as stable as Rane felt like his parent's relationship was. They didn’t even make it to that Friday before she was moving out of her dorm and moving in with him and now, was the nitty gritty, actually washing all of her laundry over that weekend. 

And of course, giving her any and every opportunity to catch up on much needed sleep. He had picked her up from work, after she got a 2 hour, full body massage and she had fallen asleep in the SUV before they were out of the parking garage and he had carried her all the way to the apartment before she woke up and tried to sit on the couch to fold the laundry he had done before he left for work that day and she had picked up a freshly laundered throw blanket, and had tried to fold it before sleep beckoned her once more. 

Poor thing was overworked and sleep deprived. And he had half a mind to tell Bianca to go ahead and hire anyone who could hack the job so that River wouldn’t have to overexert herself. But at the same time, she wasn’t the only one working extra hard. So was he, he had been working, at least mentally, ever since he met her to be everything he could be for her, everything she wanted and needed. And because she was so fiercely independent, it made everything he could do for her, that much more precious of an honor. Including folding every article of her clothing that he could. 

Who knew, that such a mundane, task could be so intimate. 

River was, of course, determined to finally pry her favorite mugs and other dishes from her roommates but her dishes only took up one small box, everything else was clothes and toiletries and other personal items. Honestly, she didn’t need much else because Rane had already furnished his apartment with everything he could think of that she would want or need otherwise, including a vanity for her jewelry, makeup and hair tools to do her hair, that he had put in his office, on the other wall from his desk. Which, she thought was a sweet gesture but besides moving her things into it, didn’t really need to use that much. But the thought and effort behind it, made all the difference in the world to River.  

But, otherwise, all of her clothes came dirty, which normally she would be so embarrassed for, but since Rane knew why, he was not about to judge and only wished to help. He had been on his own for a while and knew how to do house chores and today, he wanted to see how many loads of laundry he could get done while she took a nap, because every single thing he could do for her was one less thing she would have to do for herself later. So, when they weren’t working, he was just trying to wash all the clothes she had before they would be put away or hung up on the new set of hangers he had gotten for her on her side of the master closet in the master bedroom.  The dishes she brought were easy enough to load into the dishwasher and honestly, the mugs, were so funny and hilarious and were now put away in the cabinet. But all of her clothes, some of them, had not seen a washer in months. And smelled of dank dorm room, crammed in a closet, that Rane hoped and prayed that Lysol Laundry Sanitizer would get out, and that scent booster beads would replace. 

But the more laundry of hers that he did, the more he could start to decipher more of what her personal sense of style was. Plus, now he knew what sizes she would need because he had managed to, very subtly, get her body’s measurements so that he could order her anything from anywhere as long as he had those blessed, amazing measurements to work from and he had half a mind to commission a couture gown for her, something she could slip on and transform into the goddess he knew she was for social events at his work, if he wasn’t sure his co-workers would try to steal a gem like her away themselves. 

Plus, his parents were tailors and owned a suit shop. So he grew up appreciating and learning how to properly care for good clothes that fit well from an early age. It was how he was able to feel comfortable in board rooms with millionaires and billionaires and look practically indistinguishable from them- because he had carefully crafted his look to blend in seamlessly in his career. And he simply used other people's assumptions to his benefit to either do what needed to get done or get what he needed or wanted from them. He had mastered the art of a stern face, imposing yet still firm, and staring his opponents down, was all the “intimidation” he had ever needed to do to work. Because he was usually dressed similarly to them. And he knew that while money talked, real wealth whispered. And it was why he was usually understated, simple, clean lines, both in personal grooming and in his apartment. And why most assumed he came from a wealthy family, even though he didn’t. And it was actually a huge relief to River to find out, because the last thing she wanted was for anyone to assume that money had anything to do with their relationship. He had and paid his bills and so did she, for now at least. She had asked what she could offer to help pay for rent and he had refused to give her an answer. It was one less thing he wanted her to worry about. So she tried to pitch in and pay for groceries here and there. To try to again, establish and keep an equal partnership in their relationship. 

But, thanks to his corporate job and his easily learned and replicated money management skills he had acquired, he had bought the building his parent’s shop was in, and gave it to them as an anniversary present, so that they could keep the business running smoothly. And his sisters ran it otherwise and his best suits, his best looks, came from them. And they would have a field day with River when they would get to meet her in person, next weekend. When they would be going to family dinner at his grandmother’s house. 

But River, she was all color and chaos and vibrancy and with her, Rane felt like he was finally breathing and living and actually enjoying life again, only because that life was now shared with River. And River, despite her schedule, brought her bright and fun energy and helped him to reclaim some of his own. 

Plus, she was latina and so he was happy when his apartment now had a lot more color to it. It had personality, just like her. And he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

He came back and saw her sleeping in a rather uncomfortable position on the couch before he just picked her up and carried her to bed and tucked her into bed. But once he returned to the living room to get her phone, it rang in his hand. 

And from the picture of River with an older woman, and seeing “Abuela” calling. It was obviously her grandmother. 

“Hi, Abuela, it’s River’s boyfriend Rane, River is taking a nap.” He answered before the older woman seemed to pause before speaking in a string of Spanish that he couldn’t make out a word of.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t catch any of that, I’m sorry, I don’t speak any Spanish.” Rane apologized with a wince before she was yelling in the background before the phone was handed to a small child. 

“Hello?” He asked. 

“Hola, so, you’re Riviera’s Matador?” The small boy asked as Rane couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Yeah, I guess I am.” Rane confirmed. 

“Riviera needs to bring you on Sunday for family dinner and bring queso blanco.” He offered. 

“We will do that. What time?” Rane asked. 

“Normal time.” He answered before he hung up. 

“Great.” Rane huffed as he came and plugged her phone into the charger and smiled softly at her in the bed. Hell, even if they turned it into a proper bull fight, he had a feeling, she’d be able to get him out before they took the kill strike. Plus, he did want to meet her family, as much as he wanted her to meet his. 

His huff, through his nose was enough to wake her up before she opened her eyes and looked at him, kneeling next to the bed, smiling broadly and sleepily at the sight, the dimples in her cheeks still the cutest things ever. 

“Hey, I thought I was in the couch?” She asked even though she pulled the covers up and snuggle deeper into bed. 

“You were, you were just at an odd angle and you would hurt your neck, and you just got a massage and I didn’t want it to be undone by you sleeping uncomfortably on the couch.” He answered softly. 

“You spoil me.” She smiled sleepily but looked at him adoringly all the same. 

“No, not even close. There’s a difference between protecting you from unnecessary pain, and what you would call “spoiling” which, for me, means- granting every fleeting desire, no matter how superfluous.” Rane gently shook his head as he leaned one elbow on the knee that was up and laid his arm around her in bed to stroke down her back. 

But her hum in response and her grin growing broader, told him that she wasn’t going to argue further. 

“However, you did just miss a call from your Abuela.” He noted. 

“Oh shit.” She grabbed her phone and frowned as she didn’t see a voicemail. 

“Yeah, sorry, I just answered the phone when she called, apparently you’re supposed to bring queso blanco tomorrow at the usual time…?” He informed her as she gave him a puzzled look before she pressed a button and called her grandmother back and put up a finger to keep him from talking before the phone call was picked up and River was speaking in Spanish, so fast, he couldn’t really understand much more than “Matador”, so she was talking about him to her family but he couldn’t quite read her expression as she tried to get a word in but just laid there and listened to her grandmother talk on the other side before she seemed resigned. 

“Ci. Queso blanco, Matador, muy bien Abuela.” River offered before she said her goodbyes. 

“I’m sorry.” River offered. 

“For what? You haven’t done anything?” Rane returned with a look of confusion. 

“For what is going to happen. My whole family wants to meet you. And instead of being one bull against one Matador, you will be one bull against an arena full of them.” She sighed tiredly and put her phone down and rubbed at her eyes. 

“So…I should wear armor and chainmail or…?” He tried to joke and tease, which worked because she started to laugh and dropped her hands from her face and reached out and pulled him over her to hug him. 

“No. You’ll be fine, you’ll just get asked the same questions over and over again, like what is your full name, where did you come from, where does your family come from, what are their names, what do they do for a living, what do you do for a living, and word of advice, don’t tell them everything, because they don’t need to know every detail of you or your life, but they will want to know enough about you to feel like they know you.” She warned. 

“I look forward to it.” He nodded. 

“Just…don’t go in there looking like a million bucks because then they’ll assume you have a million bucks, just, like jeans and a t- shirt, should be fine.” She encouraged. 

“I have jeans, and t-shirts.” He reassured her. 

“That fit you like a second skin like all your suits do?” She raised her eyebrows in surprise. 

“Better.” He winked and clicked his teeth which got her to giggle. 

“Just…don’t go running for the hills, not until you try the guacamole and the tamales and the al pastor, and the suardo.” She encouraged. 

“Suardo is slow cooked beef isn’t?” He asked. 

“It is, my abuela Maria, makes the best suardo, along with a chili con carne that is muy magnifico deliciouso.” River explained as she did a chef’s kiss and pretended to lick her fingertips. 

“I won’t leave without you.” He promised. 

“Perfect.” River beamed happily.

[bloodanddiscoballs]

Alright I said I was gonna make a sappy post for my 30th birthday so here it goes!:

I never thought I would live to see 30. I know that many people say that, and I'm sure that sentiment isn't unique on here. Here's the thing; I'm disabled. I have almost died due to my health 3 times since 2011 and indeed did once before being brought back. My immune system is nonexistent, and my chronic pain has me at currently 6 reconstructive back surgeries and round the clock pain medication.

When I was 17 years old, I became a victim of medical malpractice and had my entire life changed in an instant. Didn't get to go off to college, didn't get to work normally, didn't get to move out - didn't, didn't, didn't. For years, I was told that I would heal. That I would be fine. I was young! Young people don't get sick. I'll bounce back. Just be patient. But I didn't get better, I got worse. And every year older was another year into my 20s where I wasn't able to do "the normal stuff." I never finished college, but I did get some classes done. I would work for a few months before needing to quit. I got married and then divorced. All "failures" due to my health.

At 27, I went to see my therapist and sat down and told her that I couldn't see into my future. I remember telling her, "Every day is hell. I can't do this for another 10 years. I've barely made it through this last 10. I don't even know if I can do it for another 3." I was at the end of my rope, convinced that I wouldn't make it. My back was crumbling underneath me again, and insurance was fighting me tooth and nail to be approved for another surgery. I was bedridden. I was on the highest medication load I've taken, and it wasn't even touching my pain. I wasn't connected to anything - not my art, not friends, not the world around me. I was looking very seriously at my options of what I thought was either suffering or dying.

So, she suggested a mindfulness program. It was a 6-week course at UCSD (University of California San Diego) that taught you how to. essentially, live in the moment. At first, I thought it was honestly the stupidest thing I'd ever heard. I'll admit that I was sour on it, but I said I would try it and I paid for the class so I did it. I sat through the meditations, wrote on the topics they gave, went through the exercises they instructed, and did the full day retreat. And at the end of those 6 weeks, I was alive again. I learned to savor every bite of my food. I learned how to pay attention to the sun on my skin. I learned to enjoy how it felt to have my air move in and out of my lungs. I learned how to look in the mirror and love what I saw and dress myself in what made me happy (this is when I started with the disco clothes). The warm feel of skin, the taste of my favorite soda, the beautiful way my cat purrs, the glorious smell of rain, the lovely way dust looks illuminated by the sun - I learned how to Live.

My life is still hard. My pain has not improved. I did get that surgery, so now my back is thankfully more stable than it's ever been. I know that I probably won't live a very long time compared to most, but none of that makes me sad anymore, not really. I have my bad days, and I have my good days, and no matter what, I live in the moment. I feel my emotions and let them have their space within me before letting them flow. And after over a decade of not touching my art because I felt like it was robbed from me, I paint now. I paint for myself, and I paint for others, and by God, I enjoy every second of it. I feed the little barn cats out in the back of where I live now, and I love them. I enjoy the sound of the wind through the oak trees, and I listen to my music, and I take pictures of the bugs. I watch the clouds race by when it's about to storm, and I talk to the flowers that grow outside my fence. I love my bed for holding me on my bad days and love that I have pretty artwork from friends hanging on my walls to comfort me when I can't leave my room. I dress up in my fun disco stuff whenever I can, and on the days I can't, I enjoy my soft, comfy pj's. I talk to my friends online every day and apologize for the days I can't when my pain makes it too hard to think. I play fun video games and watch good movies and enjoy fun podcasts. I Live.

Today, I am 30 years old. I have lived through what should have killed me many times over. And I am so, so happy I am here. And for however long I have, I will continue to live in the moment, enjoying the days and moments I can and allowing the bad to simply be bad. I plan for tomorrow because that is all I can plan for.

I live, and that is enough.

[mirisss]

As the Seasons Change Chapter 3

Chapter 3: The One Who Melted the Winter Cold Away

Summary: Throughout one’s life, you fall in love with many people, some will stay for a long time and some will be like a passing wind. As (Y/n) is cleaning to prepare to move, she finds some old pictures from when she was young and begins reminiscing on some old relationships she used to have. The memories, the laughs, the pain, they were all things she had to go through to find the love she has today. 

In this story, Woozi, Dk, and (Y/n) are the same age and Seungkwan is one year younger than them

(Y/n) is also shorter than all of them, ‘cause I am, and I don’t know how to write for tall people, 

Lee Seokmin x afab reader

Wordcount ≈ 12k (I really went overboard for this one, didn’t I?) 

Warnings: Sexual rumors, bullying, anxiety, breaking up, I think that’s it? 

Taglist: @jeonghansemotionalsupportsword

(Y/n)’s POV

The next stack of photos that I found made my heart feel warm. The most recent photos of my life. My college experience is summarized through these photos. The first couple of photos were of me and my family, my dorm room, some photos of the school, and just me standing outside of the school. And some with Seungkwan, they were taken when we were still together. When we still believed we could deal with the long distance. It hurt a little seeing these photos, the last time we were actually happy together. 

Looking at these photos, I remembered how lonely I felt at the beginning of college. For the first time ever, I didn’t have a friend to help me find more friends, I had to do it all alone. And it didn’t really work, not at first at least. 

The next photo in the pile made me smile, it was the true start to my college life, my first friend, who soon became my boyfriend thanks to one of his other friends. 

~ Flashback ~ 

Moving into my college dorm room was exciting, all the movies and stories showed that this would be the time of my life to study, party, explore love of different kinds, find friends for life, and much more. However, that’s not how it was in real life, at least not for me. 

Growing up, I always had Seungkwan to help me find friends, he was so outgoing and extroverted so making friends was very easy for him while I have always been more introverted and shy, so making friends hasn’t been my forte. 

This was the first time I had to do it all on my own, although it felt impossible, I wanted to try my best. I wanted these years to be filled with laughter and memories of more than just me being alone. 

Saying goodbye to my family and to Seungkwan was hard but I was excited to experience the adventure that college is. I went into my dorm room, and though I was worried about making friends I chose a single room, one I didn’t have to share with anyone, because I just couldn’t see myself sharing a room with someone I didn’t know. What if we don’t get along? What if she’s like a killer or something? Unlikely, but not impossible. My family and Seungkwan had helped me bring all my things into the room but nothing was unpacked yet. That was something I wanted to do on my own. 

I unlocked my phone and opened my music app, it had been a while since I last checked out Jihoon’s music but for some reason, his songs were exactly what I wanted to listen to right now. With the music playing, I began unpacking the things for my bed, pillowcases, and stuff. I kept going for a few hours until most things were unpacked. It would take a few days until I find the perfect spots for each little thing but eventually, this will feel like home. I made myself ready to go to bed, exhausted from unpacking and saying goodbye. I quickly fell asleep, the bed felt unfamiliar but weirdly comforting. 

The next morning, I woke up feeling anxious, this was the first chance I had to find a friend. That was my goal for now. One friend. Just one. Shouldn’t be too hard, right? I got dressed and went outside to find my way to the assembly for new students. 

Once I found the right assembly hall for my major, I went inside, 5 minutes until it began. I looked around, most people seemed to be talking with someone already, the few who weren’t were talking on the phone looking around trying to find someone, or waving their arms to other people who jogged over to them. I felt like I was the only one who was alone. I shook away the anxiety and continued walking, I found an empty place in the middle row, on the far right. My view of the stage wasn’t great but it would do. I tried to find an opportunity to say ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ to anyone around me, but no one seemed to even notice me. 

The assembly began, and it ended just as quickly. The assembly hall emptied out until I was the only one left. I felt like a lone flower that had been left on a field, watching as the other flowers were happily picked to be placed in hair or beautiful bouquets while I was left to wither alone. I walked back to my dorm room. Day one, total fail. 

After cooking dinner, I brought the food to my room and sat down on my tiny couch that barely fit in the room with my bed, table, and wardrobe. I Facetimed Seungkwan. Surely hearing his voice and seeing his face, would make this day better. 

“Hi (Y/n)!” “Hey, Boo, how’s your day been?” “It’s been good, Dino says hi too, he’ll be upset if I don’t say that. First day wasn’t that exciting, I mean, we know everyone and everything that happens here. How’s your day been though?” I looked down at my phone a little, Seungkwan immediately knew that something was wrong. “Well it was alright, I attended the assembly, and I made dinner. Nothing else happened,” “Did you talk to anyone?” “No,” I sighed. “I tried, I really did, Kwannie, but, everyone seemed to already have 1 or 5 friends,” “It’s okay, it was just the first day. You’ll find someone eventually!” We chatted for a few more minutes after that, until he had to go. I missed him. I missed his hugs and even if I hated it at the time, the way he would tickle me whenever I frowned to make me laugh. 

After finishing my dinner, I dejectedly went to bed. My excitement quickly washed away, being overtaken by anxiety and my low self-esteem. Throughout the rest days of the week, I attend my classes, I try to talk with people but I never manage to actually do it. One week has gone by, and I still don’t know anyone’s name. I haven’t spoken to anyone. Whenever my parents call I tell them that I am happy, that I’m having fun, I don’t want them to worry. Seungkwan, Shua, and Wonwoo are the only ones who know how I am actually feeling. Minghao kind of knows, he figured I wasn’t telling him everything when he visited me on Wednesday. It was a surprise witness because he was here to buy a book from someone. It was nice seeing a familiar face, yet it also reminded me of how lonely I am. 

Seungkwan came over for the weekend, he came early on Saturday morning, I showed him around the campus. I was happy to have him around again but even after just a week apart, it didn’t feel like how it used to feel. Hugging him and kissing him, felt unfamiliar, like he wasn’t the boy I had grown up with and been together with for the last years. I saw it in Seungkwan’s eyes that he too felt it. This weird feeling. This distance between us. I tried pushing it away, I tried to imagine that everything was perfect, like it used to be. 

Almost a month had gone by, and I had still been unable to find a single friend. Seungkwan and I went from calling each night, to texting throughout the day, to a single text every day, to a text every other day. I was busy with classes, he was busy with classes and his friends. The distance that we felt that first week was only growing larger and larger. At this point, it felt wrong to say that we were in a relationship. Shouldn’t we yearn to speak with one another if we were in love? Yet, I wasn’t feeling as devastated at the lack of contact as I probably should have been. Did this confirm what I thought when Jihoon and I broke up? That long distance was impossible. 

That weekend, I was going home to visit my parents. I was also going to talk with Seungkwan. I wanted to break up. I had talked to Minghao about it first, he felt like the best one to ask. He told me that if I was even thinking about breaking up without talking to anyone, then that is what I must do because, in my heart, I knew that I had lost feelings for Seungkwan. The advice was so simple but it truly did help me. As long as I had known Minghao, he had always been a boy, now a man, who used simple words, yet they held so much meaning. 

The talk hurt but it felt good to know that Seungkwan felt the same. Maybe we could find each other in the future again. I knew this also meant that our friendship would change, but maybe that could be healed with time. After all, everyone always says that time heals all wounds. 

When I returned to college it was time for a camping trip. It was a tradition that had been going on for over a decade. The first years would be put into groups and sent out with a teacher to different camping grounds to compete against each other in trivia and activities. I had decided that this was my last chance at making a friend. If I don’t manage after this trip, then I’ll give up. I might even move to the same college Minghao is at. Hao had told me not to because this was my dream college, but I’d hate to spend four years alone. 

I packed my bag with everything I needed for the camping trip, it would be 4 days and 3 nights. I was happy to hear that I got one of the better locations. It had a beautiful lake, while some people were camping in locations that felt like the backyard of a house. Or that was what I heard others saying as I walked past them. 

However, there was one problem with my camping trip. Not the location, the group. Most groups had an even amount of girls and boys, so everyone could pair up 2 and 2 or 4 and 4 for the tents. Yet with my group, there were 5 girls and 5 guys, and we only had 2-person tents, so 1 girl and 1 guy would have to share a tent, which isn’t really that bad if the guy was nice. The worst thing about it was that the four other girls made the decision for us, the four of them were best friends so of course they would share tents, and that left me. The teacher apologized for this mishap but everyone said that it was fine. Even I did, though I was terrified. 

I went over to the teacher, telling him that I was the one who would share the ‘coed’ tent. He smiled a little knowingly, he knew that it wasn’t exactly by free will. “Alright, (Y/n), this is Seokmin, Seokmin, this is (Y/n), for these three nights you will share a tent and you will be a team for the activities,” A tall boy with sharp and handsome features, and a smile as bright as the sun, stepped forward, hand out toward me, expecting me to shake it. I shyly put my smaller hand in his larger one, he energetically shook it. “Hi, I’m Seokmin, you can call me DK though if you want!” “Hi, I’m (Y/n),” “Come on, let’s build our tent, I hope you know how to, because, well, I don’t,” 

Seokmin was radiant like a sun, he was energetic and kind. He was the human equivalent of a golden retriever. For the first time in a few weeks, I genuinely smiled, his smile and energy were contagious. Maybe this wasn’t so bad after all. Could this have been it? Could I maybe become friends with this guy? 

It took almost an hour and then help from some of Seokmin’s friends, Mingyu and Jeonghan, until we managed to finish our tent. “Thanks, guys, I guess my teammate and I will have to hope we do well on the trivia ‘cause the practical things, well, they’re obviously not our thing,” “It’s fine, it took us a while to figure it out too. By the way, I’m Jeonghan and this is Mingyu, over there by the water is Vernon and some other guy we don’t really know,” Jeonghan said. His smile was friendly, yet a little mischievous, half angel half devil looking. Mingyu was quite tall, yet he too seemed like a golden retriever. I hadn’t met Vernon yet but I assumed he was nice too seeing as these three were. 

“So, (Y/n), you from here or just here for the university?” “Just for uni, though I’m not from too far away. It takes about 2 hours to drive between uni and my town,” “Cool, which town are you from?” As we were packing up our pillows and stuff, Seokmin started a conversation. “I’m from (wherever). What about you? Just here for uni or?” “Wait, you’re from (wherever)? I’m from there too!” “Really?” “Yeah! I lived on the south of the town, went to Pledis High,” “Oh, I lived on the north side of town and went to Hybe High,” “That’s so cool, we’re from the same town and now we’re here at the same uni!” “Yeah, that’s kind of cool,” Talking with Seokmin felt like talking to an old friend I had known for years. 

“How come you ended up being in this tent?” “Well, we thought that for the sake of the girl, we would choose the most easy-going guy, and like the least intimidating. I mean Mingyu is a sweetheart but he can seem scary at times, Jeonghan is nice too but he has a bit of a reputation for being mischievous, Vernon is well he’s Vernon, he doesn’t talk too much unless you find a topic he likes, the fourth guy, I don’t even know his name, but he too seemed a bit more reserved so that left me,” “That’s so sweet of you guys, thinking about the comfort of others,” Seokmin smiled and gave me two big thumbs up. 

“How did you end up in this tent?” “I kind of don’t know anyone here, and the other four girls are best friends so the decision was made without my consent, but I don’t really mind, especially now that I have met you, feels like I maybe just made my first friend in college,” “What? How come you don’t have any friends?” I looked down at my hands, a bit ashamed. “All my life I always made friends through my childhood best friend, he’s like super extroverted, and I’m, well, not. So, he always made the connection, and then by association, they became my friends too,” “Well, anyone who doesn’t want to be friends with you is stupid, you seem like a really cool girl,” “Thanks, DK,” 

Too soon, the trip was over. I couldn’t be happier as I had made 4 new friends, Seokmin, Mingyu, Jeonghan, and Vernon. Even if I didn’t share a class with any of them, everything felt better as I wasn’t alone anymore. 

~ End of flashback ~ 

I looked at some of the photos from the camping trip. My favorite was probably the one that Vernon took of me and Seokmin during one of the nights. We had built small fires and sat around them in groups. In this photo, Seokmin was on my right as we shared a small log to sit on, we both held a stick in our hands, two burned marshmallows on them, and we were laughing after Mingyu had dropped his stick in the fire. My smile was brighter than ever in the photo, my eyes seemed to have found a sparkle that I hadn’t ever seen before in myself. Seokmin was laughing just as much, his smile as bright as the sun. His gaze was focused on me rather than the disappointed Mingyu who was in front of us, I don’t think I’ve noticed that before. The way he looked at me, resemble the loving gazes you’d see in a romance movie. Maybe we both fell in love that night, maybe we didn’t. 

There was another photo from that trip that I loved. It was a group picture of myself, Seokmin, Mingyu, Jeonghan, and Vernon. I was standing in the middle of the tall boys, all of us smiling, Seokmin had his arm around my shoulders, we were all looking at the guy taking the picture, and right as he took the picture, all the boys pulled funny faces without me knowing. I didn’t find out until after the trip when I was given the stack of photos from Jeonghan as the pictures were all taken on some old camera the fourth guy, whose name was Sangyeon I learned a bit later, brought with him. 

~ Flashback in third person POV ~ 

When the next week of classes began, (Y/n) woke up feeling excited and confident. On Sunday, Jeonghan came over with the pictures from the trip, he also brought some snacks with him. (Y/n) gave him a container with some food, during the trip she had told the boys about this stew she usually makes and they all wanted to try it so she prepared some for them. 

As she walked into her class, she sat down, she noticed people staring at her and whispering, but she didn’t think too much about it. She felt this way most days. Like everyone was whispering about her, staring at her because she’s the weird loner-girl without friends. Today, it felt more intense but (Y/n) tried to ignore it, leaving it to be her own anxiety demon eating away at her newfound happiness and confidence. 

After her first class, the group of girls who had been at the same campsite as (Y/n) came up to her. “How was it?” (Y/n) was confused, “How was what?” The girls snickered and glared at her with nasty looks in their eyes. “You know, throwing yourself at Seokmin and the others,” “I didn’t, what? What do you mean?” “Don’t play innocent now, everyone knows that you practically begged Seokmin to sleep with you, to kiss you, because you’re so lonely,” (Y/n) took a step back. Had Seokmin said these things? “I didn’t throw myself at him. I didn’t do any of that,” “Hmm, it probably didn’t work, not even Seokmin is kind enough to sleep with you,” 

(Y/n) was so hurt by the encounter that she ran home to her dorm, skipping the rest of the day. She was smart enough to skip one class without falling behind, she could keep up. Her phone dinged with messages every now and then, she knew from whom. She had assigned special ringtones to all of her friends so that she knew who was messaging her. In the last 3 hours, it had been 17 messages from Seokmin, 11 from Jeonghan, 8 from Minghao, 2 from her mom, and 1 from Vernon. She only answered Minghao and her mom. 

Most of Minghao’s messages had been pictures of clothes, some for himself but also some that he thought would look good on (Y/n). She agreed, everything looked great. Her mom was asking about the camping trip, she only answered that it was fun, and sent some pictures of the lake. 

It wasn’t until the next day that she checked what Seokmin, Jeonghan, Vernon, and even during the night, Mingyu had wanted. They had asked about eating lunch together, joining them for a movie night on Wednesday, eating dinner together, if (Y/n) was okay, if something had happened, and some other similar topics. 

She left them all on read and got ready for classes. When lunch arrived, she wasn’t prepared for the fact that Seokmin was waiting outside the door of her class. He pulled her aside the second that he saw her. “Woah, oh, hey, Seokmin,” “Hey, is everything okay? You didn’t answer any of my messages yesterday and you left me on read this morning?” (Y/n) sighed. Shouldn’t he know what’s wrong? He’s the one who spread those rumors. It has to be, right? Right? 

“I don’t know,” Was all she could say. She didn’t want to actually accuse him of creating and spreading the rumors, what if she was wrong? She didn’t want to lose her first friend because of that. “Something must have happened, two days ago you answered like normal but now you’re not answering at all, have I said anything? Have I done anything to hurt you? If so, please tell me because I want to apologize for it,” Seokmin stared down into (Y/n)’s eyes with an intensity she had never before experienced. “Did you spread some rumor about the trip, about us at the trip?” (Y/n) searched his face, wanting to find any clue that would show her that he hadn’t done it. She was happy to find that he looked confused. 

“What? No, of course not, I haven’t said anything other than that the trip was fun and I was happy to make a new friend,” (Y/n) looked away, a bit ashamed. Of course, he didn’t do it. “The other girls at our campsite told me yesterday that the whole school is talking about me, the lonely girl who threw herself at the poor guy who had shared a tent with her… They said that I apparently begged you to sleep with me and kiss me,” Seokmin’s eyes held so much sympathy yet his jaw clenched in what (Y/n) could only assume to be anger. 

“I would never say those things, nor would the other guys, we all have sisters and we would hate it if someone did something like that to them. I’m so sorry, it must be awful having to hear people say that about you,” Seokmin gently wrapped his arms around (Y/n), slowly swaying them around as he tried to comfort her, trying to show her that he was innocent. “Thank you, and I’m sorry for jumping to the conclusion that you had created the rumor,” “It’s okay, I probably would have thought that way too, but hey, we know it’s not true and people will see it too,” 

Seokmin’s heart was racing in a way it had never done before. It started during the trip, the very first time they saw each other, the way her small hand felt in his larger hand, the curve of her lips when she smiled, the sparkle in her eyes. Seokmin understood now, that he had fallen in love with her at first sight. He liked (Y/n), more than just a friend. He was ecstatic to finally have her back, even if they didn’t speak for just one day. As he released the hug, he glanced down at her lips, her lips finally curving back into her gorgeous smile, Seokmin wanted to kiss her, so he did. 

On the forehead though, he managed to find some self-control in the last second. (Y/n) blushed as red as a tomato after the action. Her heart skipped a beat. “So, how about that movie night?” “It sounds lovely, of course, I wanna come,” “Great! Bring pajamas, or even better, just come in it, you can stay the night too, our movie nights tend to drag on quite late, so it’s better if you stay and go home in the morning instead of in the middle of the night,” “Are you sure that I can stay over? Won’t it be crowded?” “Nah, Jeonghan, Mingyu, Vernon, and I all share an apartment. There’s even an extra room, it’s made for five people to share. It was a bit nicer than getting a dorm and we would know who we’re sharing with,” “Woah, that sounds so nice,” “We should go or we’ll miss lunch, but hey, send me a text with your favorite snacks and I’ll make sure we have them for tonight, and I’ll text you the address, just call me or the other’s if you have any questions,” 

The two said goodbye and went to eat lunch separately, mostly because their next classes were on opposite sides of the campus so eating lunch together today wasn’t convenient. 

When (Y/n) got home that day, she packed a small bag with things she would need for the trip while also calling Joshua and Wonwoo. She needed advice on whether or not she should allow herself to like Seokmin or try to suppress her feelings that were slowly coming to life. 

“Please help me, or I am going to die,” Joshua laughed loudly at (Y/n)’s panicked expression while Wonwoo tried to look around in the background of the Facetime call to see if there was an actual danger present. “What’s up? Haven’t heard from you for a few days, other than seeing some photos of that lake,” Joshua asked. “Well, I have officially made actual friends. Four guys, Seokmin, Jeonghan, Mingyu. and Vernon. They’re all from the same town as us, though from the south. I got to know them on the trip,” “Ohh, finally. Congratulations, our little girl has finally grown up!” The two boys teased, “Ya! be nice or I’ll call Hao and Coups instead,” “hey, we’re your number 1 boys, anyway, why are you almost dying?” (Y/n) began explaining everything that happened, what they did on the trip, the rumors, the connection with Seokmin. 

“Kind of sounds like you’re in love, or at least like you have a crush on the guy,” Wonwoo said, pushing his glasses back up higher on his nose after they had slipped down. “I think that’s her problem, right?” Joshua said. He had always been good at understanding (Y/n), not as good as Seungkwan had but Shua was very close to it. “Mm,” (Y/n) just mumbled as she hid her face in her hands. “Look, if you like him, that’s okay, nothing has to happen. I’m sure you are scared that you will lose him and the others if you date him but you don’t know that for sure,” “You didn’t lose us or Jun, or Minghao, or Chan, or Seungcheol, even if you dated and broke up with Jihoon and Seungkwan,” Wonwoo added, matter of factly after Joshua. 

“Thanks, guys, I’ll try to come and visit you next week or so,” “Sounds good, have fun tonight, and whatever the clock is, if you need us, just call, okay?” “yeah, same for you guys, bye, love you!” (Y/n) felt better after talking to her two best friends. She finished packing her things and began heading over to Seokmin’s place. 

~ End of flashback, in (Y/n)’s POV ~ 

The next few photos were from the movie night. The first movie night that I spent with Seokmin and the other three boys. 

The first couple of photos were of the apartment itself, it was really nice. Not too far from the university, the windows on one side of the apartment overlooked a beautiful garden filled with trees and flowers while the other side overlooked a part of the city. 

The apartment was filled with different styled decor. Considering that the four boys had different styles, it was bound to be a bit chaotic but it also felt very homey. Anywhere you looked you’d find pieces of their personalities, each item a staple of one of the four boys who lived there. 

I remember them having a large framed picture in the kitchen, the picture was of all four of them at their high school graduation, they were all smiling widely, their clothes soaked from the rain that had just washed over them, you could see their old school in the background, and in the bottom part of the frame they had written a short text “The start of Forever”. It was cheesy, very cheesy but it kind of went well with the picture. 

Most people would see the high school graduation as the end of an era but they chose to see it as the start of something instead, they intended to stay friends, I sort of wished I had taken a photo of my friend group when we graduated, but we could always take one now. Though, it wouldn’t be the same. And my friend group is so different now from what it was. 

The next few photos were of the boys, Mingyu was holding a tray filled with snacks, I remember his hands shaking from the weight of it despite his built frame. Jeonghan was making iced americanos for all of us in the kitchen, he was also shouting Vernon’s name for him to come and help carry the drinks, the photo was a bit blurry because he was moving around so much. Finally, there was a photo of Seokmin who was sitting on the couch, the TV remote in his hand as he was choosing the first movie for the night. The next photo was the one with the worst quality of all photos in my collection. It was a group photo taken in selfie mode by Mingyu. I was sitting in the middle of the sofa, squashed between Seokmin who had his arm thrown around my shoulders and his face squished up against my own, Jeonghan on my other side giving me bunny ears (though you could barely tell), Vernon was kneeling on the floor in front of Jeonghan, and Mingyu was half kneeling in front of Seokmin and myself with one of his arms stretched out as far as he could to fit us all in the frame causing him to be shaking a little, hence the bad quality. The photo, however, was one that we all found incredibly precious. 

~ Flashback in (Y/n)’s POV ~

I sat down on the sofa beside Seokmin, who turned and smiled at me before he continued searching for the perfect movie to start the night. Soon enough, the other three boys joined us by the tv. “Oh, let’s take a group photo with your camera, (Y/n)!” I looked at Mingyu who was literally jumping with excitement. “I mean, we can try but I don’t know how it will turn out,” I answered a bit shyly. Mingyu grabbed the camera and kneeled on the floor while also telling Vernon to do the same, Jeonghan sat down beside me so that I was sandwiched between him and Seokmin. Seokmin threw his arm around my shoulder, squeezing our cheeks against each other as we tried to look straight into the camera that Mingyu held in his outstretched, shaking arm. We all laughed so much our cheeks hurt. Once the photo was taken, Vernon and Mingyu made themselves comfortable on the two small armchairs that stood beside the sofa. Jeonghan moved a bit more to the side, giving myself and Seokmin some more room to get comfortable. 

Throughout the 5 movies (well 3 for me) we watched that night, I could feel Seokmin looking over at me from time to time, just as I did to him when he wasn’t watching. After the second or maybe it was the third movie, Seokmin put a blanket over my legs, they only had four blankets, so Seokmin gave me his, I felt bad that he was without one, so I moved a bit closer to him and tried to put some of the blanket over his legs. He smiled at me and then fixed the blanket so it covered his legs and lap better, now we were sitting so close to one another that you couldn’t even get a piece of paper between us. 

It was nice, the close proximity brought on a lot of warmth. Suddenly, the movie in front of me wasn’t as interesting as the insides of my eyelids. Half-laying on the couch, cuddled up to Seokmin, made me feel safe like never before. Before the end of what I’m pretty sure was the third movie, I fell asleep with my head resting on Seokmin’s chest. 

A couple of hours later, I was gently woken up by Seokmin shaking me while whispering my name. “Hey, did you have a nice nap?” I blushed as I realized that I had fallen asleep on him. “Uh, yeah, sorry about that,” He just smiled his usual contagious sunshine smile, and he gently ruffled my hair as he chuckled. “Don’t worry about it, it was really nice and cozy for me too, but I think for the sake of my back and your neck, it would be best to actually move to the beds,” “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea,” 

We got up from the couch and Seokmin showed me the way to the room I would be sleeping in for the night. “Ta-da!” I laughed at the way he threw open the door and literally screamed ‘ta-da’ in the middle of the night. Surely they must receive a lot of noise complaints. Most of them are quite loud. It kind of reminds me of Chan, Seungkwan, Joshua and Jun, they too can be very loud when they want to be. Cheol, Wonwoo, and Minghao too but they are often a bit more calm, unless provoked. 

“Wow, cozy,” I said jokingly. It was a room. There wasn’t much more to it. There was a bed, a window, walls, a floor, and a ceiling, I mean, it’s a room. No decor or any sign of anyone living there except for the fact that the bed was made so that I could sleep in it. “Yeah, seeing as it’s an extra room, we haven’t done anything with it, we’ve tried finding another roommate but anyone who has been interested just hasn’t been a good fit for our group, so the room has remained empty,” “People who don’t fit in with you guys? Do such people exist?” Seokmin walked over to the bed and sat down on it before waving me over, so I too walked over and sat down on the bed. 

“Yeah, there are actually a lot of people who don’t fit in with us. A lot of people find it difficult to get along with Vernon because he’s quiet most of the time, I’m too much for most people, Mingyu is intimidating to most, and Jeonghan is too feminine because he has long hair. So while someone could get along with me, they don’t get along with Vernon, and someone who gets along with Mingyu often has trouble with Jeonghan and so on. We’re very different but we get along so well but apparently, that’s a rarity in this world,” Seokmin genuinely looked sad when talking about people not liking his friends. 

“I guess my friend group at home is like that too, some people are very extroverted while others are the epitome of introverts, but we just work with each other there are many who don’t understand how we can be friends, I wonder sometimes too but whenever we all meet up, there are never any problems,” “Do you miss having your friends close by?” “Of course, how could I not miss them? I talk with most of them almost daily over texts and we often schedule video calls once a week to talk. But at the same time, I’m kind of happy that none of them came with me here, because if they did, I might not have met you guys,” Seokmin turned his head and smiled at me. “Don’t you think we would have become friends even if you had one of them with you?” “I don’t know, I guess it depends on who was here with me, if it were more than just one of them, I probably wouldn’t have even tried making new friends, I don’t know, it’s hard to tell,” 

“Well, I’m very happy that we got to know each other,” Seokmin stood up from the bed, ready to leave the room, but before he took a step, he turned back to me, leaning down and planting a kiss on my head, just like he had before. “Sweet dreams!” And then he left. My face was flushed, as red as a tomato. I fell asleep, thinking only of that kiss. I really need to talk with the guys about this tomorrow. 

The next morning, I woke up to someone, scratch that, it was 100 percent Seokmin, singing loudly in the kitchen while he watched Mingyu making some breakfast. Seokmin does give me Soonyoung vibes now that I think about it, they would probably get along. I changed into the clothes I had brought with me and then I walked out into the kitchen. “~ Good morning ~" Seokmin sang as he saw me opening the door. His voice was really nice actually, he could definitely have been an artist if he wanted to, he had the looks and the talent for it. 

“Good morning, to you too, need any help making breakfast?” Mingyu turned and smiled at my question, “Yeah, that would be great, Jeonghan is out buying some things we forgot about yesterday but he should be back in a few minutes, and Vernon is still asleep unless DK has woke him up with all this singing,” “HEY, I’m just serenading everyone,” I laughed as they bickered with each other, walked over to the sink and washed my hands before I began helping Gyu with the food. 

After a few minutes, the door opened and Jeonghan stepped inside with an overpacked bag in his hand. At the same time, another door inside the apartment opened and a very sleepy Vernon emerged from it. “Ya, help me carry this inside,” Vernon just grunted in response but he did walk over and grabbed the bag from Jeonghan’s hand. “I’m guessing he isn’t a morning person?” “Honestly, none of us are, Mingyu is probably the closest to it, I’m always energetic but mornings are a bit tougher for even me. Jeonghan usually wouldn’t get up early to go shopping but he did today for you,” “Awww, thanks Hannie,” 

We ate breakfast and talked for about 2 hours, after that, I returned to my dorm room. It suddenly felt empty returning to it after just one night away, spending so much time with the guys really made me miss living together with someone. I was going to start unpacking my things from the sleepover when I remembered that I needed to debrief with someone, I was going to call Joshua but saw that he was busy so I ended up calling Minghao. 

“Hey,” “Hi Hao, are you busy? Or do you have time to talk?” “I always have time for you,” “Great, okay, this is sort of a long story cause I have to start from the beginning,” And so I told him of everything that had happened since I met Seokmin and the others all the way until this morning. “Throughout the night I just kept dreaming of that kiss,” “Hmm, it really does sound like you like him. And from what I hear, he doesn’t seem like such a bad guy, none of them seem like it. So what’s the problem?” I sighed, as I continued unpacking my things. “What if he doesn’t like me back? What if I mess things up by saying something? I mean, I don’t really have the best track record of relationships,” 

“Ya, idiot, you can’t think like that. We’re still young, most people would have been through 5 or maybe even 10 relationships by now, and you’ve been through 2. Those have been good, but the timing hasn’t been perfect, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t know who is right for you, besides, thanks to your relationship with Jihoon, you got to know me, Cheol, and Hoshi, things may be weird for you and Boo right now but you still have all the others, and Boo and you will find one another again, I’m sure of it” 

“Since when did you become so wise, Hao?” “Since always, I’m just that great you know. No, but, (Y/n), I’m just being realistic in this. Would he have kissed you on the head if he didn’t feel something for you?” I thought hard about it, Seokmin is a pretty touchy guy, but I had never seen him do something like that to anyone else. “I’m not sure, but maybe not… Ahhh, I wish you were here so that you could meet him and let me know if I should go for it or not,” “Want me to come by and visit next weekend? Jun was gonna come to me, but I can tell him to wait or he could come with me to visit you,” “That would be awesome, I haven’t seen him for so long,” “I’ll see you on Saturday then, in the meantime, remember to just breath and don’t panic, okay?” “Thank you, Minghao, I’ll see you on Saturday, take care” 

Minghao really did make me feel better, and I looked forward to seeing him and Jun again. After Seungkwan and I broke up, Minghao has really been my rock, it’s also easiest for the two of us to meet up as we don’t live too far from one another, only about a 30-minute train ride. The others are at least 2 hours away, some even being as far as 4 hours, so it’s not really a trip you’d make out of the blue. 

The week went by in the blink of an eye, I barely had time to see Seokmin or any of the guys as I had a lot of assignments to work on, I just managed to tell Jeonghan as we passed each other in the hallway that two of my friends were coming to visit during the weekend and they’d love to have dinner with the gang here. I was a bit nervous, what if they don’t get along with each other? I know they’re all friendly but what if their personalities clash, I just had to hope for the best but in my mind, I was panicking. 

Saturday morning came around, and I woke up way earlier than I usually do to go to the train station and met Minghao and Jun there. They didn’t know I would go there but I wanted to see them as soon as possible. The air was a bit chilly with winter approaching and I realized that I definitely didn’t bring a good enough jacket with me for this little trip but the boys’s train was just arriving and then we could hurry back to my dorm. It would be a tight fit for all three of us to stay there but we would manage. 

Minghao and Jun were the only two people getting off the train at this station so finding them was quite easy. “(Y/n)!!!” Jun yelled as he ran over to me, enveloping me in a tight hug. “Junhui!! Haooo!!” I yelled in response as I laughed. Being so close to Jun again, I couldn’t help but take in a big sniff of his scent, he smelled like home. Once I was released from Jun’s hug, I walked over to Minghao and gave him a hug too, he smiled down at me and petted my head, something he often does to me. I once asked why he did that, and he just answered “Because I like doing it and you always smile when I do it”. 

“Come on, I want to show you guys my dorm,” We all chuckled before we began the 10-minute walk back to the campus, talking about everything and nothing as we walked, I filled in Jun on the situation. “So, we’re here to decide if he’s good enough for you or not, got it” “How can you say that, Jun? No one will ever be good enough for our (Y/n),” Minghao said jokingly. “Ya, stop it you two,” 

Once we arrived back at my dorm, I showed the two boys around, thanking my lucky stars that I had actually gotten that single dorm room so that I could bring over a guest or two. “So, here we have the bed and beside it, the couch, and then the tiny kitchen, and over there we have the bathroom, and that is it,” “I mean it’s small but you’ve decorated it nicely, I especially love this picture,” Minghao said teasingly as he pointed to one of the photos I had on the wall, this one, in particular, was one from when I first got to know him, Jihoon and I were standing in the front as we were the shortest, behind us were Minghao, Seungcheol, and Soonyoung. It was precious to me, not only because it had Jihoon in it but also because the other three were there. 

“I like this one! I look so good in it, no one is hotter than me,” Jun said happily as he pointed to another one of the photos on my wall. This one was of myself, Jun, Joshua, Wonwoo, Chan, and Seungkwan. Only Jun, Wonwoo, and I were looking at the camera, the others were looking at each other laughing so loudly that their faces were red. “Hmm, yeah that is one of your better pictures, probably your only one though,” Jun dramatically gasped and turned around to look at me in disbelief at my teasing. “I’m gonna tickle you if you don’t admit that was a lie within 3 seconds,” “Alright, alright, you’re one handsome boy,” “I know,” All three of us broke out into laughter at that, once we calmed down, we began fixing a mattress for one of the boys, the other one would sleep on the couch. 

A couple of hours later it was time to meet up with Seokmin, Mingyu, Jeonghan, and Vernon to eat dinner.  Minghao went through my entire closet picking out the perfect outfit for the dinner, also making sure that Jun, Hao, and I were matching in a subtle way. I ended up wearing a black dress that I bought 3 years ago but never wore, it still looked great on me but I never felt like the occasion was right for the dress Hao was adamant that I wear it, Minghao picked out a gold necklace with a small red charm on it, some small gold hope earrings, and finally Jun’s black leather jacket with red details on it. Jun was planning on wearing the jacket himself but Minghao stole it and said it would look better on me, Jun agreed and so I ended up with his jacket. 

Hao and Jun were almost wearing identical outfits, black dress pants, and gold accessories, the biggest difference in their outfits was the shirts they were wearing and their jackets. Minghao wore a black dress shirt with some slight red details to it and a long black coat, while Jun was wearing a white shirt and a dark grey coat that had a red flower stitched on the back of it. 

Just a few minutes before the three of us arrived at the restaurant, Seokmin sent me a text letting me know the four of them were there and waiting outside. I was feeling a little anxious, scared that this would turn into a chaotic mess if the boys didn’t get along with each other. 

“(Y/n)!” Just as we rounded a corner, DK saw me and shouted my name, Minghao and Jun both halted in their steps looking at the guy who had shouted, but as they saw the large smile on the guy's face, he was waving his whole arm as much as he could, and the three other guys standing a step behind him smiling and waving normally. “I’m guessing that’s Seokmin?” Jun said, “Yeah, hard to miss, right?” “He seems friendly,” Hao added as we continued walking over to the group. 

“Hey, guys, this is Junhui and Minghao. And this is Seokmin, Mingyu, Jeonghan, and Vernon,” Seokmin immediately pulled me into a hug as I finished the introduction while the other guys all shook hands. “Okay, let’s head inside and get some food,” Jeonghan said as he led the way inside. 

Dinner went quite well, all of the guys found common interests and they seemed to get along quite well, even Vernon was very talkative, and my anxiety slowly washed away with every genuine laugh and smile shared between the seven of us. I couldn’t help but look at the way Seokmin looked tonight, though not very dressed up he still looked great, he was wearing simple dark wash jeans and a grey dress shirt, a gold watch on his wrist, and a gold chain around his neck. His black hair shone under the lights, making it seem like he was glowing. 

Minghao nudged my leg and leaned in, whispering in my ear, “If you keep staring like this the whole restaurant will know that you’re in love with the guy,” I blushed at the comment and lightly pushed his shoulder, “Ya, you can’t say things like that,” I tried composing myself but it was hard with both Minghao and Jun giving me knowing looks, as I tried looking away from them I met Jeonghan’s eyes, he too was giving me a knowing look, mischievous smirk, and a raised brow, Holy shit, what if he knows about my crush on DK and says something?!?

“Are you guys sure you will be fine in (Y/n)’s small dorm? You could always crash at our place, it’s a bit bigger than the dorm,” Mingyu kindly offered. “Nah we’ll be fine, we’re used to being way too many people in any room, that’s what you get for being part of a large friend group,” Minghao answered as he put his arm around my shoulder, staring intently at Seokmin. 

We said goodbye to the guys and headed back to my apartment, I was eager to hear what Hao and Jun had to say about Seokmin and the other three as well. Once we arrived inside my dorm Jun and I sat down on my bed while Minghao sat on the couch. “Okay so, what did you think?” 

“They all seemed nice, I didn’t get any bad vibes from any of them, I actually quite enjoyed talking with them and hanging out with them so, I approve of them,” Jun said from beside me, Minghao looked a bit more skeptical, which made me nervous. “I agree with Jun on most parts, didn’t get any bad vibes, they were nice and fun to hang out with. When it comes to your lover boy though,” He paused what he was saying and looked into my eyes, my heart was beating so violently in my chest I was sure the dorms next to mine could hear it. 

“He seems like he really likes you, he immediately noticed our matching outfits, causing him to frown and pout, when I leaned in and whispered something to you, he glared daggers into my soul. The way he hugged you when we first arrived, was enough confirmation that he really likes you, his smile, the way his body relaxed into yours, he’s probably more in love with you than you are with him from what I’ve seen,” “You really think so?” “I’d bet my life on it, he really likes you, and I think he’d be good for you, they are all exactly like you said they’d be, well except for Vernon, he wasn’t very quiet,” “Yeah, even I was surprised with him, he seemed so comfortable with you guys,” “You wanted to know if we would approve of Seokmin for you, and at least, I do,” Minghao finally said, relief flowed through my body, if there was anyone who wouldn’t approve of him, it would have been Minghao, but if he approves, Seokmin must have really impressed him. 

“What about you Jun, what do you think?” I nervously asked him. While Jun wasn’t as skeptical of people as Minghao could be, he was sort of like a brother to me, more so than any of the others in our friend group, so his opinion really matters to me. “You two would look good together, and, he seems like someone who will treat you well. Your eyes are shining and sparkling like never before, you look so happy with him around, so alive,” I leaned in and hugged Jun, who quickly hugged me back, “Thank you, for coming here and helping me out, also, I’ve missed you both,” 

“We’ve missed you too, most of the others were so jealous that we were coming to visit you, especially Joshua and Soonyoung,” Minghao said. “Yeah, Shua was angry at me for calling you before him about this but it made more sense to ask you to come here, you know because of the distance, Jun just so happened to be visiting you so it ended up being the three of us,” Jun laughed loudly as he tried to tell us something about Soonyoung but it was hard to understand as he was laughing too much. Eventually, Hao and I managed to understand what he was saying. “Soonyoung was trying to sneak into my bag so that I would take him with me, the problem was, obviously, the bag was way too small for him to even fit half of himself inside it,” Minghao and I also broke out into laughter as we imagined how that would have looked, such a Hoshi thing to do. Damn, I really wanted to hang out with all my friends but I had to wait until Christmas to go home, so I had to wait another 5 weeks until then. 

We continued talking for a while until we finally decided to head to bed, right before laying down, I checked my phone and saw a text from Seokmin and one from Jeonghan. I checked Seokmin’s text first, “I had a lot of fun today, (Y/n), your friends seem nice! Maybe we can eat lunch together some day this week? Anyways, sweet dreams,” Cute. I answered that I also had fun and that I’d love to eat lunch with him someday. Then I checked the text from Jeonghan, it was short, but it made me nervous. “I know you like him, 😏” I knew he wouldn’t do anything bad but it still made me nervous, so I just answered: “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Maybe I should take a chance and confess my feelings to him, eventually. 

Sunday passed quickly and way too soon, Jun and Minghao had to leave. Once I came back to my dorm from the train station, my dorm felt lonely and cold. It had been so nice to have the comfort of my friends, even if it was a tight fit, I really missed having them around. 

Monday came and I went to my classes, lunch with Seokmin was booked for Wednesday, so for today, I’d eat alone, or so I thought. Just as I was walking towards the cafeteria, I ran into Vernon. “Hey, Vernon, you heading to the cafeteria?” “Yeah, what about you?” “Yeah, me too. Want to eat together?” “Sure, the others are busy so I thought I’d eat alone, but I wouldn’t mind some company,” “Nice, same for me, I prefer eating with someone over eating alone,” And so the two of us went to the cafeteria together, bought our food and found a table. 

For a while, we just sat in silence, eating, but it wasn’t awkward, it would have been with most others but not with Vernon, his silence, and his calmness were almost comforting in the loud buzzing of the cafeteria. “How long have you and Seokmin been dating without telling us?” “WHAT?” I said uncharacteristically loud. “Jeonghan noticed how the two of you acted during dinner on Saturday, we support the relationship but we’re sad you didn’t tell us,” “Vernon, what do you mean? Seokmin and I aren’t dating?” He looked shocked. “Huh? You’re not?” “No, we’re not,” “Oh, hehe, well, um then, maybe, forget what I just asked,” “Why did you think, or Jeonghan, think, we were dating?” 

“I don’t know, something about the way you look at each other, the way you are so close physically, you both slightly blush whenever you accidentally touch one another as we walk, you literally fell asleep on him during movie night and he seemed so happy when that happened that we all just assumed you were dating,” 

Vernon shrugged as we had been talking about something small and insignificant, just brushing it off and continued eating his lunch. I sat there, confused. Maybe Minghao was right, maybe Seokmin was actually in love with me. I had to focus on classes after that but it was hard as my mind kept replaying every moment I had spent with Seokmin, trying to see what everyone else was seeing, but I guess I was too blind with love for him to see it. 

Wednesday couldn’t come soon enough, Seokmin stood outside my classroom, ready to eat lunch together, but he had no idea what would happen. I was going to confess my feelings to him. Unless I chicken out in the last second. 

“Hey, (Y/n)!” “Hey, DK, come, I want to go somewhere other than the cafeteria today,” “Alright,” Seokmin grabbed my hand and let me lead the way to wherever I wanted to go. I led him to the schoolyard, it was cold outside, the ground covered in a small layer of snow, the trees were bare from leaves, and the sun was low on the sky, even though it was midday, it would soon begin its descent. “Why are we outside? Won’t it be cold to eat here?” Seokmin asked, still keeping his charming smile on his lips, even though he looked a little confused. 

“I have something to say first, and I didn’t want to do it inside, promise to just hear me out before you say anything okay?” “Of course, I’ll listen to whatever you have to say,” I took a deep breath, here we go. 

“I like you, as more than just a friend,” That was not how I planned on saying this. I had a whole script about how he’s amazing and has made me feel seen in a way like never before, but I was so nervous that I just blurted it out before I could chicken out. I now stood and nervously looked at his face, worried about his answer. “Can I talk?” He asked, the same charming smile still on his lips. I nodded, too scared to speak. “When you say that you like me as more than a friend, do you mean like romantically?” Once again, I just nodded. Before I could react, Seokmin engulfed me in a tight hug, spinning us around as he cheered. Once he finally stopped, I was feeling a little dizzy, but I looked up at him, meeting his warm eyes. 

“I like you too, a lot, and I have for a while,” Then he leaned in, and placed a gentle kiss on my lips, to which I quickly reciprocated. The kisses I had shared with Jihoon and Seungkwan, were nothing compared to this one. Seokmin made me feel butterflies, and fireworks, whilst also making me feel safe and secure in his arms. The wind was cold and bitter, but I felt warm and happy, as we stood there sharing many kisses, giggling like children as we gazed into each other's eyes. 

“I was so worried that you and Minghao were together or something, the way he seemed so protective over you, the way he leaned in and whispered to you, made me feel sad and jealous,” I was surprised to hear him say that. “Oh, well, Minghao is kind of like that with all his friends, he doesn’t really like sharing that much, but he’s very nice when you get to know him. And the whispering was probably a test to see your reaction, that was kind of the whole point with their trip here, to help me figure out if I should go for it and confess my feelings for you,” 

“I’m guessing, they approved seeing as we’re here right now?” Seokmin looked nervous, probably wanting to hear that my friends had approved of him. “Yeah, they really liked you and the guys,” “What a relief,” “Yeah, so, you’re my boyfriend now?” “No,” “No?” I was confused. “(Y/n), would you be my girlfriend?” Seokmin’s smile widened as he saw my realization of why he had said no just now. “Yes, Seokmin, I will be your girlfriend,” “Now, I’m your boyfriend,” “Can my boyfriend give me another kiss?” “Of course,” And so he leaned in, planting another kiss on my lips. 

“Hey, let’s take a picture!” Seokmin exclaimed loudly, he quickly unlocked his phone and began positioning his arm so that he could fit us both in the frame, he smiled widely while looking into the camera, I on the other hand, leaned up and planted a kiss on his cheek just as he took the picture. 

~ End of flashback still (Y/n)’s POV ~ 

I found the printed version of that photo in the pile in front of me. This photo meant so much to me, Seokmin meant so much to me, he really helped me become more outgoing and carefree, the four years that we were together were amazing, and I wouldn’t change them for anything. 

Four years. My longest relationship so far. But every good thing eventually comes to an end. However, this one hurt differently from the two previous ones I went through. With Jihoon, it was my first relationship but the time wasn’t right and we had to break up, we were too young to handle a long-distance relationship, we still text every now and then, and he’s a precious friend. Seungkwan probably hurt the most because we had grown up together and breaking up our romantic relationship felt like I would lose him forever, we started talking more again 2 years after our break up, things still aren’t the same between us but at least he’s still my friend. 

Seokmin. My sunshine. Breaking up with him, made everything feel empty, and dark. Perhaps, DK and I can find our way back to each other just like I have with Jihoon and Boo. I looked at the last picture we took as a couple. Graduation day, just like our first picture as a couple, he was looking at the camera and I was kissing his cheek. 

~ Flashback in third person POV ~

The newfound couple was inseparable, they met up for lunch every day that they could, always ate dinner together, Friday nights and Saturdays and even Sundays were mandatory date days. Their friends understood that they were happily in love but sometimes they thought that Seokmin and (Y/n) were just too much. 

Seokmin spent countless nights at (Y/n)’s dorm and (Y/n) spent countless nights over at Seokmin and the guys’ house. It came to the point that Jeonghan even said. “Why don’t you just move in here? You’re here all the time anyway,” He sounded annoyed but he loved having (Y/n) around, they were good friends, he was just joking but Seokmin thought it was a great idea. 

“(Y/n), will you move in with me? Er, us?” “I mean, if it’s okay with everyone then sure,” No one said anything other than yes so (Y/n) packed up her things from the dorm and brought them over to the house, or apartment, it felt like living with a family again. She had felt lonely after Minghao and Jun had visited, but not anymore, the apartment was buzzing with life 24/7. 

Four years passed by in the blink of an eye. All five of them had managed to complete their studies and they were graduating. The boys had dressed up in suits and (Y/n) wore a long wine-red dress. Seokmin had some wine-red details on their suits so that the couple matched. All of (Y/n)’s friends and family came to watch the graduation, and the rest of the boys were happy to finally meet Seokmin and his group. They all got along great, almost as if they had known each other for centuries. 

However, things went south after the graduation dinner. (Y/n) and Seokmin went on a walk, just the two of them, talking about everything. Now it was time for them both to find work and be actual adults, they had heard that most other college couples from the graduating classes had either broken up or gotten engaged. 

“So, what do you think will happen to us? Will we end up like the others?” Seokmin asked as we walked hand in hand under the moonlit sky. “I don’t know, no one ever does in these situations, I’m going back home, I’ve gotten some job offers there, and you’re staying here for work. That’s a two-hour drive for us to meet up, which could be worse, but in the long run, will it work? I want it to because I love you but I also don’t want us to suffer from it,” (Y/n) stopped and looked up at the moon, feeling some sort of deja vu, all her relationships had ended because of the distance. 

“I want to believe we could make it even if we live 2 hours from one another but realistically, if we both have work in different cities, we will be building lives in those cities, 2 hours might not seem like a lot now but eventually it will,” He looked down at (Y/n), he loved her so much but he knew, deep inside, he wouldn’t be able to date someone who lived 2 hours away. Seokmin loves physical touch, he loved living with her, having her close, kissing, hugging, and holding hands, you can’t do that if you’re partner is 2 hours away. 

Tears began forming in (Y/n)’s eyes, her heart breaking from the words that would spill out of her mouth. “Let’s break up,” She was trying to be strong, she tried to smile, but her mouth was trembling as she fought to hold back her tears. Seokmin’s own eyes became glossy and a few tears escaped from them, for once he wasn’t smiling and shining brighter than the sun, no, now he looked sad, empty, hurt, dark. “It’s for the best,” He barely managed to get the words out, his voice trembling as he too fought back the tears. 

“I love you, Lee Seokmim, I really do,” (Y/n)’s words were barely audible as she began crying, but Seokmin heard them, loud and clear. “I love you too, (L/n) (Y/n),” Seokmin’s tears ran freely down his cheeks, as he leaned in and the now broken-up couple shared one final kiss together. After the kiss, they separated from one another and left in different directions. Seokmin walked back to the apartment, while (Y/n) took out her phone and called Minghao, frantically crying. 

Minghao was surprised to see that she was calling him so late but nonetheless, he answered, “Hey, what’s up?” “Mmh, can I… Uhm, oh god, can I stay in your hotel room with you?” “(Y/n), what’s going on? Why are you crying? Scrap that, where are you?” “I’m outside the hotel, just like 3 minutes away,” “I run down and meet you at the doors,” 

The second Hao saw (Y/n) he ran over to her and embraced her in a hug as she cried into his chest. “We broke up,” Was all she could say before she broke down even more. “You don’t have to say anything more right now, but just so you know, I don’t have my own room, I’m sharing with Jun, Joshua, and Wonwoo, if you don’t want to go up there and share with them we can see if they have another room and book that, if you don’t want to talk, just squeeze my arm once for going to the guys and twice for a new room,” (Y/n) wouldn’t mind being comforted by the others as well so she gave Hao’s arm one tiny squeeze. 

Hao led (Y/n) up to the room, the other three were surprised to see (Y/n) there, and especially crying hysterically. Minghao just mouthed, break up. And they all understood, (Y/n) and Seokmin were no longer together. 

That night the four guys tried their best to comfort their heartbroken friend but they all knew that it would take time to get over this. They promised to help her out with packing up her things from the apartment she had shared with Seokmin, Jeonghan, Mingyu, and Vernon. All to help her come home faster. 

Saying goodbye to the four guys who had been her closest friends at college, hurt, but she knew they would keep in touch, maybe not Seokmin to begin with but she hoped that they could stay friends, eventually, once both of them, had healed. (Y/n) moved back to her hometown, but not back in with her parents, no, she had accepted a job offer and had gotten her own apartment, it was small, but it was hers. 

She often hung out with all her friends who still lived in the city, mostly with Minghao, Jun, Seungcheol, Soonyoung, Joshua, and Wonwoo. Dino and Boo still had a year at college before they would move back, Jihoon still lived far away but he was there in spirit, and his songs still reminded (Y/n) of the sound of home. Jeonghan and Vernon had moved back to the city as well, though they lived on the other side of town so she didn’t meet them often but every once in a while the whole group would eat dinner together. Seokmin and Mingyu stayed in the same city as their college, they visited sometimes but mostly their old friends. 

Time kept going and they all grew up, some things stayed the same, and a lot of things changed. Just like the seasons of the year do. Spring comes with blooming flowers, then summer arrives with its heat and fun, then autumn with all its color, and finally winter with its chilly breeze and cozy atmosphere, before it all continues in a neverending cycle. 

~ End of flashback, in (Y/n)’s POV ~ 

I had gone through most of the photos in the little box, happy to have been reminded of all these memories yet sad at the same time. I don’t know for how long I had been up here, the sky had turned dark, it must have been a few hours at least. 

“(Y/n), darling? Are you up there?” “Yeah, give me a second, I’m on my way down,” “Be careful, don’t fall,” “I won’t, I promise ---” 

~ To Be Continued ~ 

Who do you think (Y/n)’s boyfriend is? Is it Jihoon, has he suddenly returned to her life? Or is it Seungkwan, has their childhood friends-to-lovers trope returned? Or is it Seokmin? Have they resolved their long-distance problem? Or is it someone else? Perhaps a friend she has known for a long time? Someone she has relied on for many things? 

[evakuality]

4 years of Druck s3 - week 7

Things of note in this episode:

1.  This is probably my favourite episode and so this is likely to be lengthy!

2.  I really love how this conversation with Hans differs from the og.  In a lot of ways I prefer this one, unlike the one in episode 5.  In this, first, Matteo says ‘if it makes you happy’ he’ll call him his guru and I love that change in the dynamic.  Plus, I really do love that Hans is attuned enough to religion that he takes Matteo into church to have this conversation (and so Matteo’s mother does in a way see him in church that day).  I think it’s very important that a lot of Matteo’s issues about all this stem from religion and so taking him into a place of religion to demystify it is so important.  Also, Hans’s advice about David isn’t that he’s probably playing Matteo (as Eskild suggests to Isak), but that he’s probably not out and needs time and respect for that or to be left alone.  It resonates in a different way, and the fact that this religious breakthrough happens at Easter is a really lovely touch.  Plus we get the whole bit about Matteo’s mother, and he’s able to come to terms with her and her issues in a way that leaves him much calmer and more at peace.  Compare the above picture to this one from the start of the episode:

This earlier Matteo was so sad and he was at seas and all confused.  But at least he knew that going to Hans would help - and was able to do it even when Hans had been so upset with him before.  And kudos to Hans for seeing past all that and recognising that Matteo genuinely does need a gay guru and being that person for him.  This conversation has done exactly what Matteo needed it to and he’s so much happier and more at ease both with the David thing and with his mother.  

3.  Speaking of religion, this whole bit with Amira is a) so lovely and b) so important.  After their previous discussion, this has needed to be addressed and she does it in such a gracious way - which he returns.  I do think that without the chat with Hans he may have been less keen to hear what Islam thinks about homosexuality but together these two conversations have really helped him unpack some of his prejudices about religion, and he is far more willing and able to open up to hi9s mother with the hope that she won’t reject him.  I absolutely love that ‘for Easter’ Amira’s family has made some food to share, thus showing Matteo that religion can be open and accepting of other faiths, cultures and lifestyles.  Amira doesn’t just tell him she and her religion accept him, she shows him and it’s very powerful.  Even if her bringing outside food into a cafe worries me, since you’re absolutely not allowed to do it here.

4.  I really love the colours in this episode - they’re so much warmer and more cheerful than the previous ones.  Partly that’s because this was Easter and the colours work really well for that time of year.  But also because Matteo is starting to warm up and open up into his new self.  I am, once again, so impressed by the way light and colour is used in this show.  It’s just soooo goooooood.

I also love how much Carlos has grown - Kiki has such strong views and she wants everyone to agree with them.  In a lot of her life, people just don’t (I imagine Zoe must be such a stress for her, for example), but Carlos, who has been shown as a bit of a lad and quite ignorant and occasionally offensive, has taken it all on board and you can see it in the way he acts and the things he says now.  He enjoys his new knowledge and certainly has a lot of sensitivity to people and their relationships.  He’s the one who knew things were off with Matteo and Sara, and he’s the one who moves to listen actively to Matteo here and who says things he hopes are supportive and encouraging.

5.  Sara.  This poor kid.  We see here the culmination of everything that’s been going wrong in her life and it must have been so hard seeing Matteo in the midst of all this.  But I like to think that she feels lighter and happier after this is done.  We do know what she reaches out to Leonie after Matteo suggests that talking to people helps.  If we compare this picture of her to the way she was shown in s1 and even 2, she’s so diminished, shot from above and looks so weak and vulnerable.  Even compared to the social media post she made wearing this exact outfit, she looks different.  But it’s maybe like a wound being lanced - like Matteo she was trying to put up a facade, live a fake life in that earlier post.  But now she’s able to be real and yeah that hurts but it’s better and they will both be able to move on and be happier more authentic people in the aftermath.

6.  Speaking of hurting - Matteo makes so much great progress this episode and he’s able to become a happier and more settled person.  But at the core is this boy who misses the boy he thought he was creating something nice with.  He told Hans he ‘can’t believe’ that David doesn’t want him and I think that makes this even harder.  The pictures and videos David sends are sending him mixed messages.  On one hand, he’s keeping up the contact and trying to maintain something with Matteo - on the other, this stuff is all ‘it’s not you it’s me’ ‘in a different life we’d be in Detroit’ etc etc.  There’s no hint that things can be ‘real’ between them in this life and so Matteo keeps having these small moments of sadness throughout the episode.

7.  And so that’s why this whole part is tinged with a melancholy.  Unlike in other versions, there’s no passion here, no ‘throwing caution to the wind’ or anything.  Instead it’s so gentle and cautious, so fragile.  There’s a sigh of relief that David is here, but neither of them is at ease.  Of course, we start to understand David’s thing the next day.  But even here it’s so clear why Matteo feels the way he does - everything since David told him he’s not into him has been such a rollercoaster that it’s not possible for him to throw caution to the wind.  He’s felt so much sadness and heartbreak about David even this week that he can’t allow himself to fully dive into this moment.  And of course we’re left with this shot of David’s face and we get to see that he’s not happy either.  It’s a long long few hours til the next morning and David’s secret!

[theromaboo]

Inspired by @just-late-roman-republic-things's toga alignment chart, I will look at images of things that have been called togas and rate them.

Up first, this specimen down below.

0/10 That is not a Party Toga Costume for Adults, that is a red scarf you've tucked into your belt. If this was what a toga was, Cato the Younger would NOT have gotten away with not wearing a tunica underneath.

Now this one below.

2/10 eBay is clearly very confused over if it's Greek or Roman, but it's certainly a step up over the previous one. This time, the scarf is not tucked into the belt (there isn't one) and is just hanging freely and honestly could kind of be a little like a toga if it wasn't scarf-shaped.

Now, this one below—oh hey that's me!

13-year-old me strikes again. Believe it or not, my French teacher will call my paenula a toga shortly after that picture was taken. I wonder what her idea of a toga was if a paenula with a hood sewn on counted.

1/10 it's literally a paenula.

Fun fact, before I sewed the hood on, it actually was toga-shaped, albeit too thick and too small.

For a second I was spooked out because I thought 13-year-old me had momentarily gained an extra ghostly finger in this picture. But no, the mirror was just dirty as fuck. Whoops!

For that one, 6/10 because it's the first one that actually resembles a toga! But I 100% draped it wrong and it was too small anyway. And so hot. I'm sweating just remembering how hot I felt taking that photo. It's not feasible to wear it if the temperature where you are is above 10°C.

But what if the temperature is below that?

I changed into a thin T-shirt and a short skirt, took out that exact paenula and wrapped it around my body, and stepped outside in the cold, Canadian night.

(it's actually obscenely hot out right now. Right now it's -6°C, which is around 20°F for you Amerians. That is extraordinarily hot for January. It's because of El Niño. Normally, at night, this time of the year, it's around -30°C, which is cold. That's like -22°F. And them usually there are a few days of at least -40°C, which interestingly is also -40°F. So -6°C right now is nothing. But it's cold enough to prove a point)

Once I was outside, I set a timer for five minutes on my phone.

Observations:

I probably should've put on footwear. My bare toes in the snow are not having a fun time right now.

My god, this thing stops wind like a brick wall. I feel wind on the exposed parts of my body and nothing on the covered parts.

My right arm is starting to get a little chilly. It's completely exposed.

My toesies...

Hmmm I've reached the half-way point and I don't really feel cold. Of course, the exposed parts of my body are a bit cold and my feet are quite numb, but the covered parts of my body are starting to get really toasty. Like, my left shoulder is actually starting to get quite hot.

One minute remaining and I'm fine. The night is peaceful and still, and quiet. The stars are bright tonight. Life is quite beautiful.

Oh. The time has finished!

This paenula-turned-toga is so warm that it actually is pretty appropriate to wear in -6°C. If I was wearing pants and a long sleeved shirt and most importantly shoes, I would've been quite comfortable outside. If the toga were longer, I could've covered more parts of my body, and that would've made it warmer too.

I don't know what I was trying to prove in this experiment but 10/10 would try again. Too bad I can't give this to Octavian because he wouldn't have to wear four tunics if he had this. It's a bit small as a toga but it's warm nevertheless. I forgot which fabric it was but it was the cheapest thick one.

I want to judge more "togas" later but now I'm tired and my feet need a warm bath. I hope you guys enjoyed!

[noellesnowelle]

Monthly (& weekly) Update

Missing almost all of Octobers spooky, autumn mood ... but it's going upwards again

October Recap

A lot of time was spent in some kind of mind fog. I rewatched all 50 episodes of 'The Untamed' before the 24. of October because Netflix showed me that the series will be taken down then. Weirdly, but luckily, it is still there but I wasted a lot of my time and energy on watching Netflix. Originally I planned to rewatch the series during winter break when I actually have more free time, but because it is my favourite series and Netflix wanted to take it down, I had to watch it again.

Because of that my mental and physical health suffered a lot during that two weeks...

But I also did a lot of art in October! I did my first ever Bob Ross tutorial and it was so fun! I also went outside and did tree and leaf studies around my house (in the picture). Hopefully I will do it again sometime soon.

Besides that I also jumped into research about Romania and Romanian (prompted by a question in my Finnish course).

Romania is such a beautiful country and Romanian is also such a beautiful language! I didn't realize before that Romanian is a Romance language (even though it is literally in the name) and it is so useful! Because I learned Spanish for 6 years in school I can already understand a little bit. But I also love the sound of it. Especially because of the eastern-european influnces like 'sch' sounds.

I hope I can travel to Romania in the future. (I also have such a strong longing for the mountains. That is really the only thing I am missing here in Finland...)

Now a good old Weekly Update

28.10.-03.11.2024

finally a good week again... studying, dancing and the first snow!

Studying

I had a schooling for the Hygiene Passport and it felt so good to finally learn something else again besides Finnish

during this week was another self-study day and it is so nice to have these inbetween regular days (I can focus better on things that I don't know already, plus I am quicker with completing all the tasks!)

I took a deep dive into research Finnish Art as preparation for the coming week, it is so interesting!

Languages

I still need to work on my method for studying vocabulary, this is definitely a project for the next weeks

I studied a bit of Romanian. Every time it is so much fun trying to pronounce a new language. Although it is like taking wobbly baby steps. But it is an exhilarating feeling!

Health

the dry and cold air outside and the dry and warm air inside is not good for my skin and eyes...

I did a few dance workouts this week - my favourite form of cardio!

feeling a bit stressed this weekend and relaxing was difficult, but Yoga helped a bit

For myself

I learned the chorus dance of Kiss of Life's 'Igloo' Dance and it was so much fun. The dance is so addicting. I actually managed to learn it in 2 hours which is super fast for me. But it probably helped that it is in a style that I move more naturally in.

I took time to watch the old Addams Family movies for the first time and it was nice. I want to catch some of the remaining spooky, autumn vibes (even with snow outside) as I feel like I missed my favourite time and month of the year...

this week's

reading / watching / listening

Bitterthorn - Kat Dunn (2nd time I am reading it)

Addams family 1 & 2

Ronja Rövardotter

Imaginary Friend - ITZY

Igloo (Igloo) - Kiss Of Life

Smoke - Otyken

(I literally accidentally deleted this post right after posting it and instead of letting the hour of writing go to waste, I am rewriting it now stubbornly instead of crying and never doing it, even though I already wanted to sleep. Which is why it is also shorter than it was, but maybe that's a good thing... Good Night... 40 min. later than planned...)

[naomitours]

Tromsø, Norway: The North Above the North

I am not a "cold-weather" person, both in personality and in personal inclination. So you might wonder why someone like me would go to Norway in December. And if you asked me this after I actually got there, it would've been a damn good question! But I had a single reason, and a good one:

That's right, I went to see the northern lights. The green lady. "A-AURORA BOREALIS??", in the words of Superintendent Chalmers. People much smarter than me say this is caused by the sun's upper atmosphere emanating a solar wind that reaches *our* upper atmosphere. While not the most consistent place in the world to see it, Tromsø is one of the easiest and largest to try your luck.

Disclaimers from the Top of the World

The first thing you should know about Tromsø is that the sun doesn't come up for most of winter. You'll have light for a few hours, sure, but it's not the same. The meaning of darkness is different when it's ever-present, and those brief few hours of light mean everything. I found myself wanting to shed my coat and soak the light in through every pore of my body.¹ Depression is a real problem here, so is alcoholism. (I was even told by a local that they track alcohol purchases via card, to make sure nobody is drinking too much in the dark months!)²

The "sunset" over the Tromsø harbor, 1:35 PM.

The second thing you should know is that you need traction on your footwear. Pack your snow boots, or buy some shoe spikes because otherwise you'll be spending a good chunk of your time here on the ground, cursing the ice. My dumb-ass had decided to come to Norway on a whim, without thinking or preparing, so I showed up in my Doc Martens slipping and sliding. I almost couldn't make it to my Airbnb, my host having to come down and help me up the hills!! Thankfully I was able to borrow boots from my, again, incredibly lovely host³, but my god you've never appreciated gravel so much!

The Tromsø Troll Museum

That's right, the main attraction in the city, the reason you flew hundreds, perhaps even thousands of miles! This tiny museum with a bunch of trolls scattered all around!

It's a cozy space, and if you're as fascinated as mythology as I am, it's really a must-see if you're in town. Also, there's a replica of a hulder. According to local lore, these were beautiful women who would often try to lure men away from their human homes, to live in otherworldly pleasure with them⁴, or they would marry human men and join our world, retaining their otherworldly strength⁵!

Aurora Borealis

The biggest disclaimer I'd offer for the northern lights is this, you are never guaranteed to see them, even if you do everything "right". This was such a huge source of anxiety for me until I finally had a good sighting, then I was able to relax. I recommend doing some guided tours, these are not necessary (I saw them once right outside my Airbnb!) but it's going to maximize your chances by getting you away from the city's light pollution. There's many different modes of transportation for this, I myself took a bus and a boat, but I saw advertisements for planes, helicopters and even dog sleds*. The first time I ever witnessed the northern lights was on a sleepy little boat tour, New Year's Eve 2023.⁶

The interior was very cozy, more importantly it was warm, essential on a night with subzero wind chill. I enjoyed cookies and coffee and hot chocolate with marshmallows!

The lights don't look like the pictures, that should be stressed. The vast majority of aurora borealis photos are taken via long-exposure, and our eyes just don't work the same way. But on a good night you can see a faint green distortion in the sky, as if a riff into another dimension. It's like you expect an alien spaceship, or the giant hand of a monster to come ripping out of it, changing our world forever.⁷ But for the natives of Tromsø, it's just a day like any other.

View of the Aurora Borealis, from my Airbnb the next day.

I also recommend booking a few different tours, if you're like me and only really need to see it once, many will let you cancel on 24hrs notice if you pay extra. I recommend this as a good way to save money, but I'm kinda a cheapskate, so what do I know?

Also, please don't be discouraged if you don't see the lights on any given tour, you still do get some really beautiful photographs. It's important to keep a sense of relativity about you, you are standing at the top of the world, in the freezing cold. And in this moment you are having a novel human experience, regardless of whether or not you see some pretty lights on top of it.

What I Ate

Now, you might think the food is very bare-necessities in this sleepy arctic city, but you'd be surprised! One of the first things I had was something I had actually failed to find in Oslo, a delicious Norwegian donut called a skolebolle:

With a custard center and coconut flakes trimming the top, it's a deliciously sweet treat that I found in a Eurospar for the equivalent of a dollar. I recommend enjoying it with black coffee! Not pictured are the other things I got from the store, including paprika-flavored potato chips (highly recommended) and a large bar of Freia milk chocolate, which you'll not be disappointed by.

There's also an abundance of little convenience stores that will get you hot meals for relatively cheap (Northern Europe is expensive!) On the right you'll see a pepperoni calzone that was pretty good, along with a Norwegian soda that was less so. But if you're looking for a finer taste of Tromsø, stay with me:

This is a sampling I did of Aquavit, the signature liquor of Scandinavia. All of it was made right here in Tromsø, and I had a lovely guide for this tasting. To name a few, lingonberries and reindeer meat, not to mention a small slice of grapefruit.⁸ It's a little skimpy, however the point isn't to eat, but to taste!⁹

Conclusion/Takeaways

It can be a very scary thing, to be so far away from home. In all my years of travel, though that uncertainty has diminished, it never truly goes away. Maybe travel is just like any other experience, your tolerance to it builds until you only feel the original high when you get even further out of the world as you've known it. In this way, travel is much like a drug. But what moves me most about travel is its capacity to help us understand not just the planet we live on, but our own place within it. And if you ever feel lost for purpose, I might recommend standing on top of the world, hunting for otherworldly apparitions in the sky //

Footnotes:

¹ Of course, if you actually try to walk around in Tromsø without a coat, you will a)freeze to death and b)look stupid

² LITERALLY 1984

³ Of course, I had to return the boots when I left for the airport, meaning I fell not once, not twice, but THREE times trying to get down the hills to the bus stop. Seriously, you can't wear your Docs, no matter how fashionable and punk rock they are!

⁴ But why would you want to do that, when society is sooooooo good?? Like, who wants to live in a fantasy world where there is no suffering or want when we have Pizza Hut here, right now?

⁵ A hulder also features prominently on the cover of that one metal album by the murderous Nazi that your friend still listens to, despite knowing he's, you know, a MURDEROUS NAZI.

⁶ I would later go on to watch a man in lederhosen play The Weeknd, Cher, and at midnight ABBA's "Happy New Year", all on a keyboard. Dude was a one-man entertainment MACHINE, the vibe was immaculate.

⁷ As seen in Avengers 17: We Saved the World Again, in theaters this summer! Go watch it. Right now. The corporations demand it. DO IT. CONSUME.

⁸ Make sure your meds don't interact with grapefruit. Grapefruit may cause side effects including sour taste. Ask your doctor if grapefruit is right for you.

⁹ You know, like, a tasting menu or something!!

[castalyne]

Some head canons I have for Stephen Holder's life that happen between Linden leaving and the epilogue:

-If there's anybody who's totally enthralled with the idea of pregnancy, it's Stephen Holder. He was more taken by Caroline's constantly changing body and the idea of creating a new life even when she wasn't always in a good mood from pregnancy soreness. This man was more than willing to make sure she was comfortable.

-He read ALL the pregnancy books and the two decided on going to a birth center because it seemed like a happy medium between a hospital birth or home birth. Kalia's birth was pretty straight forward with minimal complications.

-Holder cries at Kalia's birth because he's an more of an emotional sap than people give him credit for and there's something about child birth that just marks the end for him and he finds himself crying more at the little things than he ever did before.

-He's a little relieved with the gender of his baby. While he still worries about fucking his kid up regardless of gender, he feels like if Kalia were a boy, he'd fuck it up harder like his dad did with him.

-However, having a girl had it's own set of worries. The first couple weeks after Kalia's birth, he had terrible nightmares about the Pied Piper case; swimming around in the lake looking for Kalia in a sea of red body bags while her cries get further away. These nightmares increase in volume around March every year.

-Stephen Holder has the best and worst time around the month of October. It starts with the his daughters birthday on the 10th and ends with Bullet's birthday on the 28th.

-He made Sargent sometime after Linden left, figured he'd continue on with that because he really wanted a job where he could 'help' people and officer work was aligned with 'helping' people and was largely disappointed when he actually passed the test and got the position.

-Caroline's firm offered her more money and a better position when she'd get off maternity leave, saw how Holder was suffering and offered him the stay at home parent position instead so he could think more on if the Sargent thing was something he really wanted to do.

-Found his community centre job through some parent and baby activity class he was doing with Kalia.

-Holder and Caroline did get married when Kalia was 4 months old. It was a court house ordeal. Kalia was the nicest dressed out of the three, wearing a frilly floral print dress. Holder keeps a picture from that day of him holding Kalia and both him and Caroline are both more enthralled with their daughter then actually tying the knot.

-Holder and Caroline got divorced when Kalia was a year and two months. It was an easy move for him as most of his stuff was in storage at that point after he moved in with Caroline. He started renting a smaller town house in decent part of town with a tiny yard for Kalia to play outside in.

-He stopped calling Linden's cell the first week after she left but tried one more time a month later finding out the number had been cut.

-He still texts Jack from time to time. Mostly to send him pictures of Kalia and himself. They never talk about Linden. The one time Jack does is to mention she was there for his graduation.

Three headcanons nobody asked for:

-He's gotten really good at making comfort foods and breakfast.

-Has shitty circulation and by extension, has really cold hands. He won't hesitate to slide cold hands against exposed skin. 'cold hands, warm heart'.

-Occasional marijuana smoker for mild pain and sleep issues. Never on weekends when Kalia is there.