#pictures for sale

[berf-a-smurf]

I’ve really been trying to avoid posting this but I’m desperately seeking help. I need to make rent, utilities, gas, insurance, and groceries for December.

CA$ 0 / CA$ 1500

(ETA: loan received Nov. 25; no longer desperately seeking financial aid.)

Interested parties, please read below the cut.

[ TLDR:

I’m struggling hard. Please consider browsing my photography for sale (http://mwac.logicality.ca) or sending some spare change my way via the methods listed under “HOW TO HELP” near the end below or on my purchasing page (http://mwac.logicality.ca/purchasing.html). Thank you immensely 🫶

]

My story

[TW: mention of suicide. Sensitive persons, please skip to “[END TW]” below.]

In July, I left my job as a bottled water (of the 5 gallon type) delivery assistant to attempt taking my life. I sweet talked a cab driver to take me and a nitrogen tank into the middle of nowhere.

For vulnerable people: that is not to give you ideas; instead PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE reach out to someone (my dad has since surprised me with his support; you never know who is really there for you until you ask) or even message me. Genuinely, sincerely, I will do my best to help everyone who messages me 🫶

My nitrogen tank and I sat in the woods for hours while I contemplated my plan. I felt so alone, like my disappearance would really mean nothing to anyone. My struggles and lack of skills (not to mention relentless imposter syndrome) would never let me keep a job. I was so hopeless. I continued on with my plan. I moved onto cleaning up my pictures. If my body and belongings were found, I wanted my family to have the good pictures to remember me by. No dumb screenshots, no nudes, etc. I didn’t get to the part where “my life flashed before my eyes”, but I stepped through it one picture at a time.

My pictures reminded me that I was capable of travelling and that there was so much beyond Canada that I still wanted to see. My pictures reminded me that I am capable of connecting with people and I shouldn’t leave my sister behind. And that I’ll find another partner to love as deeply as my ex. I remembered things I’ve achieved and that I’m capable of some pretty cool things.

I called 9-1-1 and asked for a police officer to pick me up and bring me to the psych ward. (I deemed them the best option as our paramedics are already stretched thin and our firefighters were busy with the province burning.) They ended up sending 3 squad cars - one with a dog to find me in case I did end up offing myself before they got there. They did the standard handcuffing, questioning, searching my person and belongings, and had me agree for them to seize the nitrogen tank.

[END TW]

They brought me to our hospital for more questioning, blood samples, the works. I stayed the night before being transported to the next town’s hospital’s psych ward. I was there for two nights and the whole thing crippled my belief in our mental health care system. But they got me referred to a psych clinic in my town so there’s that.

Even though my psychologist says it’s too soon for me to be working, I’ve had no choice but to seek employment. The water company was open to hiring me back but I haven’t heard from them since. I’ve also not heard from the places I’ve applied at. I received one of two months of EI that I applied for - I reported a day’s worth of work I did for one of my dad’s customers and they cut me off and I keep getting told that the adjudicator will reach out but it’s been months now.

I am continuing my therapy plan and continuing to apply for positions. It’s getting down to the wire now, though, and I may lose everything if I can’t get through December.

For transparency, my breakdown of expenses are as follows:

$815.00 for rent due Dec. 1st (water, sewer, garbage included)

$107.59 for Telus internet due Dec. 1st

$128.77 for car insurance due Dec. 7th

~$40.00 for electricity (I currently have a $30 credit on my account but am projected to use about $70 worth. My apartment is electric heat so the bill climbs as the temperature drops.)

Groceries are about $40/week

And the remainder is for gas for me to go to my in-person therapy appointments, attend work interviews, and visit my parents who live out of town.

TO HELP:

I am selling my photography for CA$5 per image as wallpaper or CA$30 per image as wallpaper with rights to print and post. More info on my purchasing page.

I also warmly accept donations of any size through PayPal.Me or Interac eTransfer.

Personal PayPal (https://www.paypal.me/joshmdm)

Photography PayPal (https://www.paypal.me/MiedemaWithACamera)

eTransfer to miedemawithacamera@gmail.com (I worry that bad actors would maliciously email my personal inbox or use it distastefully so I’m only providing my MWAC one)

I only ask for money you can spare. If your finances are tight, please like and reblog.

Thank you thank you thank you a million times from the bottom of my heart for reading and a million more in advance for any and every penny I’m offered. 🫶

To avoid doing an FAQ, please ask questions in the replies.

I wish you the best possible day!

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