#petre remus

[krayonkiddos]

petre sides. um. species? list

roman: dragon, lion cub

patton: puppy, frog

virgil: kitten, wolf pup

logan: crow, kitten, owl

remus: puppy, raccoon

janus: snake seems too obvious. bunny

[royaldaycare]

WELCOME TO MY BLOG!

Hello !! I'm Logan (or Johnny!) and welcome to my daycare! you can call me Logan, Lo, Johnny, big brother or dada! I also occasionally go by saint or my OC's callsign, Sparrow!

A little about me ! :

I use he/they/it pronouns as well as some neo's and xeno's too!

I'm trans, gay and asexual! I'm also questioning whether I am poly or not!

I am an age regressor and a caregiver! (my agere blog is @gh0stlyb34r !)

I'm 19 and my birthday is June 3rd!

I'm from the uk!

my anons! ;

💚 ,

I am a 100% sfw caregiver! any nsfw accounts will be blocked!

This blog is a safe space for regressors and caregivers alike! anyone that makes this blog an unsafe place will be blocked immediately

My rules!

dni ; nsfw, edsh, zionist, racist, homophobic, against Palestine, transphobic, ableist, trump supporters, anti agere, ddlg/abdl accounts, anti petre

boundaries ; keep all terms used for me either masc or gender neutral, do not flirt with me (even if it is as a joke or friendly), please keep all asks sfw.

My interests!

games ; call of duty, overwatch, resident evil 4, forza horizon, roblox (royale high, dress to impress, obby's and tycoons!), fnaf, poppy playtime, indigo park, red dead redemption 2, animal crossing new horizons, good pizza great pizza, hogwarts legacy, valorant, a little to the left, unpacking, mario kart 8, mario kart wii, just dance, the last of us

movies/shows ; deadpool & wolverine, deadpool, x-men, harry potter, fantastic beasts, atsv/itsv, marvel, star wars, the umbrella academy, stranger things, the batman, titains, heartstopper, young royals, criminal minds, fnaf, arcane, ghostbusters, barbie, oppenheimer, nimona, christopher robin

musicals ; les miserables, hamilton, waitress, the greatest showman, la la land, hairspray, dear even hansen, heathers, high school musical, lemonaid mouth, annie, descendants, beetlejuice, mama mia, tick tick boom, into the woods, mean girls, in the heights, little shop of horrors

youtubers ; pezzy, elasticdroid, puffer, grizzy, smii7y, gtlive, game theory, warn, frogger, aspen, beaplays, dawko, ethan nestor, blarg, thedooo, coleydoesthings, film cooper, dechart games, hthaze, james marriott

musicians ; james marriott, taylor swift, mcr, twenty one pilots, billie eilish, hozier, noah kahan, sleeping at last, the smiths, laufey, chappell roan, bruno major, paramore, novo amor, depeche mode, p!atd, daughter, djo, feels like july, florence the machine, frank sinatra, gerard way, ghost, lady gaga, lemon demon, lily allen, maya hawke, 1d, 5sos, mitski, micheal jackson, sleep token, taylor austen dye

misc ; books, dolls (monster high, lol, rh), pop figures, lego, posters, flowers, pin badges, jewellery, halloween, fall/autumn, deco pacis, colouring

DISCLAIMER ; I hold all of my faves accountable! I do not support jkr, noah schnapp ect!

My faves !

celebs/authors ; pedro pascal, hugh jackman, ryan reynolds, ali hazelwood, kit connor, oscar isaac, hayden christensen, ewan mcgregor, tom hiddleston, andrew garfield, tom holland, aiden gallagher, eddie redmane, aaron tveit, erik j brown, david tennant, josh hutcherson, david harbour, wynina ryder, natalia dyer, maya hawke, matthew gray gubler, thomas gibson, aj cook, barry sloane, neli ellice

characters ; John 'Soap' MacTavish, Simon 'Ghost' Riley, Captain John Price, Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick, Robin Buckley, Spencer Reid, Aaron Hotchner, Penelope Garcia, James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Loki, Logan Howlett, Scott Summers, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker, Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Leia Organa, Ben Hargreeves, Luther Hargreeves, Newt Scamander, Din Djarin, Deadpool, Steven Grant, Marc Spector, Danny Zuko, Jean Valjean, Ben Florian, Flynn Rider, Aziraphale, Crowley, Nick Nelson, Charlie Spring, Diego Hargreeves

My kins !

I kin a LOT of characters (and sometimes genuinely believe I am them) so I decided to add a list of them here! DISCLAIMER ; Please do NOT try to make me believe I am not the characters I specify I believe I am! I am aware and know that I am not physically them! The characters I believe I am will be displayed in a different colour than the rest of the text (not black/green).

Johnny 'Soap' MacTavish, Logan Howlett, Simon 'Ghost' Riley, Newt Scamander, Viktor (arcane), Steven Grant, Lydia Deetz, Spencer Reid, Penelope Garcia, Remus Lupin, Flynn Rider, Charlie Spring, Crowley, Percy Jackson, Draculaura, Mercy, Prince Wilhelm, Nightwing & more

dividers by @/chewtou , Lydia banner by @kodaswrld , bj banner

[gh0stlyb34r]

Welcome to my blog !

About me ! ; the basics

name ; saint , logan , johnny

big age ; 19 ('05)

little age ; 2 - 5

pronouns ; he / they / star / it (+more!)

gender / sexuality ect. ; gay , trans , ace , poly(?)

links at end of post!!

pronouns page | strawpage

About me ! ; my interests

games ; call of duty , overwatch , valorant , hogwarts legacy , jedi fallen order , jedi survivor , red dead redemption 2 , roblox (royale high , dress to impress + more!) , fnaf , poppy playtime , indigo park , forza horizon , resident evil 4 , good pizza great pizza , animal crossing new horizons , mario kart 8 , mario kart wii , just dance , the last of us , detroit become human , spiderman , little nightmares , buckshot roulette

movies / shows / musicals ; star wars , harry potter , marvel , x-men , deadpool & wolverine , the greatest showman , grease , hairspray , moulin rouge , phantom of the opera , annie , hamilton , les miserables , arcane , criminal minds , swat , titains , the batman , high school musical , heartstopper , heathers , young royals , ghostbusters , beetlejuice , into the woods , mean girls , the umbrella academy , nimona , descendants , lemonade mouth , stranger things

youtubers ; pezzy , grizzy , bigpuffer , elasticdroid , gtlive , game theory , warn , aspen , frogger , flats , dawko , ethan nestor , smii7y , blarg , thedooo , beaplays , coleydoesthings , filmcooper , dechart games , hthaze , james marriott , willne

musicians / bands ; taylor swift , hozier , noah kahan , james marriott , mcr , twenty one pilots , p!atd , billie eilish , sleeping at last , the smiths , fleetwood mac , the cranberries , laufey , mitski clairo , paramore , bruno major , depeche mode , chappell roan , novo amor , taylor austen dye , maya hawke , frank sinatra , 1d , 5sos , feels like july , florance the machine , djo , sleep token , lily allen , ghost , lady gaga , gerard way , daughter

misc ; books , lego , monster high , collecting , cds , dvds , posters , flowers , pins , halloween , fall/autumn , deco pacis , colouring

DISCLAIMER ; I do not support the actions of my faves! I hold them all accountable! I do not support JKR , noah schnapp ect!!!

About me ! ; My faves

celebrities / authors ; pedro pascal , oscar isaac , hugh jackman , ryan reynolds , erik j brown , ali hazelwood , tom holland , gerard way , aiden gallagher , kit connor , andrew garfield , ewan mcgregor , hayden christensen , carrie fisher , eddie remain , tom hiddelston , josh hutcherson , david harbour , wynona rider , aaron tveit , matthew gray gubler , maya hawke , natalia dyer , thomas gibson , padget brewster , aj cook

characters ; viktor , jinx , vi , ekko , simon 'ghost' riley , john 'soap' mactavish , kyle 'gaz' garrick , captain john price , keegan p russ , robin buckley , spencer reid , steve harrington , emily prentiss , aaron hotchner , penelope garcia , james potter , remus lupin , sirius black , loki , logan howlett , scott summers , rogue , marc spector , steven grant , obi-wan kenobi , anakin skywalker , luke skywalker , han solo , leia organa , ben hargreeves , luther hargreeves , five hargreeves , newt scamander , theseus scamander , din djarin , wade wilson , danny zuko , ben florian , flynn rider , aziraphale , crowley , nick nelson

My rules ! ; do not interact

nsfw , abdl/ddlg (and variants) , racist, homophobic , transphobic , ableist , zionist , edsh , n@zi , trump supporters , anti agere , anti petre , dsmp/qsmp fans (mainly dream team & wilbur fans)

My rules ; boundaries

when using pet names or gendered terms, keep them masc or gn NO FEM TERMS

DO NOT flirt with me , whether that is as a joke or platonicaly

keep all asks SAFE FOR WORK

more...

Links ; other blogs

writing blog ; @b4bywr1t3s

caregiver blog ; @royaldaycare

Links ; requests and master list

request info / master list / whitelist

Links ; credits

dni banners ; one , two , three

consent banner and dividers ; @kodaswrld

My tags ;

ghostlyblog ; normal posts + asks

ghostlyboards ; moodboards + stimboards

ghostlymedia ; agere media + other photos/videos

🐾 . lo's fictional cgs ; fictional characters that I see as cgs/my cgs

🐾 . lo's fictional faves ; my favourite fictional characters

[roman-sanders-crown]

Sanders sides agere Headcanons

(Read pinned post before starting drama with me)

Roman - flip, loves being a caregiver for the littles, and loves being small himself his little Disney and theater kid heart love the feeling of being a care free child again.

Orange - Caregiver, very much a strong figure(this is based on my personal Headcanons of orange)

Janus - Caregiver, is all about caring for one’s self and they know how much little ones can struggle, so he’s there for comfort.

Remus - Little, is a chaotic tiny gremlin. That’s it…

Patton - The most caregiver-carer that ever cared! … that was stupid… anyway he loves caring for tinies! He loves taking care of kiddos

Logan - Flip, he doesn’t enjoy how vulnerable he is when regressed, but it can be very therapeutic. He and Janus are the wine moms of the carers

Virgil - Little, like Logan it’s very therapeutic, he loves when Patton and Roman take care of him and Patton especially can make him real small. (Also petre, he’s a little kitten)

Bonus: C!Thomas - Caregiver, loves when the littles of the sides regress and he likes spending time with them.

[little-wolfpuppy]

Headcanons-

🐾Caregivers! Sirius Black and Remus Lupin 👻Caregiver! Klaus Hargreeves (and Ghost! Ben) 🦁Caregivers! Voltron (with Sibby! Pidge) Pt.2 Keith and Shiro Boogaloo 🚒Caregivers! Sigma-17 ✍️Stanford Pines caregiver Cove Holden! 📓♠️Caregiver Duo Stanley & Stanford Pines [Teen/preteen regressor

😈Caregiver Crowley [Supernatural] 🪽Caregiver Castiel [Supernatural]] Caregivers Team Free Will Big brother Jack! Caregiver Rowena & Bunny Regressor

Imagines/Oneshots-

🐾CG Sirius and Remus, Big Sibling Harry Voltron's Cubs <3 Destiel & Little reader (Hurt/Comfort) Half-Finished WIP Castiel/Gaberiel Hurt/Comfort

OTHER-

🐺Obe's 31 days of Agere/Petre🐺 _Classification AU post_

Star Divider / Masterlist

[elmodoescrimes]

Peter is amazing. That little bitch is just as sarcastic as Remus. They bond over how fucking stupid everyone else is. Petr is the epitome of "only 11 and already over everything". He is tired, and snarky, and goddammit let him sleep in peace for once. He is wonderfully unhinged, and just doing his own thing. He is living. He is existing. He is wonderful.

[lxvesicksys]

Hi we're the Lovesick System

About the system!

~ We are an undiagnosed DID system with over 70 known alters!

~ We are bodily a minor so please be appropriate!

~ Our collective name is Love/Moon and our collective pronouns are xe/it/they

~ We have autism, seizures, tics, and a lot of us have e@ting d!sorders (we may talk about our struggle with those things but we will never promote those and they will all be tagged appropriately)

~ We have the most amazing partner system ever!

Most alters will tag their name, nickname and/or emoji but there are a few that won't. It's just individual preference.

We want our account to be a safe place for everyone following us and all alters using this account so no NSFW or syscourse please ♡

Frequent fronters:

~ Toby // host // he/it/xe + neos // 17 - Hi I'm Toby and I'm the host of the system. I am a trans man and I'm pansexual. I have autism and my special interest is the Marauders Era of Harry Potter

~ Remus // co-host // he/him // 16 - Remus is a fictive of Remus Lupin and is our co-host. He's dating the Sirius Black in our system and he's also a trans man

~ Lily // fictive // she/her // 19 - Lily is one of the fictives in our system and she is a trans woman. She's engaged to the Dabi in our partner system and he's also her cg (she age regresses)

DNI

~ Bigots (racists, homophobes, ableists etc)

~ MAPs / pedos / zoos

~ Fakeclaimers

~ Endo 'systems'

~ Anti agere / petre

~ Anti neopronouns/ xenogenders

~ Proshippers

[deceptive-danger-noodle]

Blog Information~

About Me

Name: Janus

.

Age: ageless, adult [bodily 18 years old]

.

Pronouns: they/them, she/her, he/him default pronouns, ask for other pronouns

.

Orientations: polysexual, abrosexual, chaoticsexual, gay, demi-aroace, gray-aroace, demi-aplatonic, gray-aplatonic

.

Genders: genderfluid, genderflux, nonbinary, genderqueer, nonbinaryflux, girldox, boydox, chaosflux, genderfuck

.

Other Things: Plural (Mixed Origins System), Physically Disabled, Neurodivergent, and Chronically Ill, Tone tags are appreciated.

Do Not Interact

Fakeclaimers of any kind (including anti-endo people)

Syscourse or discourse blogs

Sexualize agere and/or petre

Radfems/terfs/swerfs/etc

Queer/liom/mogai/lgbt/plural etc exclusionists

Xeno-satanism

Maps/pedos/zoos/necros

Remrom shippers and supporters

Kink blogs (I have no problem with kink and kink communities, I would just rather they not interact with this blog because it connects to our other system blogs. /info)

Our Other Blogs

@the-milky-way-system -main system blog

@beehive-collective - system agere blog

@blurred-pride - the system’s liom/mogai/queer/etc. coining blog

@the-amazing-dragon-witch - Helio’s blog

@the-catboy-princess -Roman’s blog

@virgil-the-cat-bat - Virgil’s Blog

@ruff-rabbit-rhyme - Noiz’s blog

@intrusiveduke - Remus's Blog

@Sheep-n-Sleep - Emile's Blog

Alterhuman Identities

Ball Python

Bearded Vulture

Inky Cap Mushroom

Unspecified Yellow Dragon

Space

Unspecified Night Fury (HTTYD)

Toothless (HTTYD)

Longhair Diluted-Calico Ragdoll Cat

Tagging System

#Janus's Collection - My identity collection

#Deceptive-Danger-Noodle Updates - updates about this blog

#Creature Hours - Posts about my alterhumanity

#Beehive Co - posts about the system

#Janus Creates - things i make

#Reblog - reblogged posts

[fluffy-froggie]

Blog Info!!

-

About Me!!

Name: Dee

Species: Human-Ish

Pronouns: they/them

Preferred Titles: Mx. or Mixter

Preferred Terms: Default to neutral or masculine unless otherwise specified.

Age: 16-18, my age is weird 'cause of plural stuff, and age regression. The body is 18 years old.

Role in the system: Default fronter for when nobody else can/will front, ex-host

Significant Labels: queer, transgender, gamyflux, plural, identiflux

Partners: None

Favorite Colors: Oranges, blues, and purples

-

Boundaries

Okay for everyone: tagging me in posts, sending in asks, asking to be friends, nondirected swearing, asking about my system, reblogging/liking/commenting on things I post, compliments, claiming an emoji for anon stuff, and infodumping in my ask box

Ask First Unless You're a Friend: DMs, touch, RPs

Please don't do this: Venting in my ask box, fakeclaiming me, reality checking me without asking, trying to trigger me on purpose

-

DNI and BYF

Please DNI if you fall under these categories:

transrace (adoption term is fine, transx term is not)

transabled (BIID is fine)

transage (chronosian is fine)

anti-endogenic systems

anti-contradictory identities (mspec gays/lesbians, binary nonbinary people, she/her gays, he/him lesbians, lesboys, gaybians, etc.)

anti researched self-diagnosis

ALM/Trump supporters/prolife/hard right politics

incest/consang supporters

pro/complex contact pedophiles/necrophiles/zoophiles (you can interact if you're strictly anti-contact, but if you're pro-contact for anything that cannot consent then block me immediately.)

ableist

sexualize agere/petre/other coping mechanisms

pro-ana/pro-ED

Terfs/swerfs/radfems/ect.

Before you Follow:

I am 18 years old, I am white, I am disabled, mentally ill, and neurodivergent. I am not good with tone or social cues, and I use tone tags a lot. I'm part of a mixed origins system, and I don't front a lot. I age regress and pet regress, but will probably not post during those times. I'm still figuring out my identity, so the "About Me" section is subject to change a bit as time goes on. Not everything I post or reblog will be sfw, most likely. If that bothers you I suggest not following me or blocking nsfw tags.

-

Miscellaneous Stuff

System and Headmate Blogs:

@virgil-the-cat-bat -Virgil's Blog

@intrusiveduke - Remus's Blog

@the-amazing-dragon-witch - Helio's Blog

@sheep-n-sleep - Emile's Blog

@the-catboy-princess -Roman's Blog

@ruff-rabbit-rhyme - Noiz's Blog

@the-milky-way-system - Main System Blog

@blurred-pride - System Mogai Coining Blog

Current Hyperfixtions:

SkipTheTutorial on youtube, mogai stuff, EazySpeezy on youtube, Markiplier on youtube, Jacksepticeye on youtube, Wings Of Fire, Warrior Cats, The Riordanverse

[bunches-of-bees]

- Pinned Post -

-

Collective Information

Name: None

Age: 20

Pronouns: ask

Identities: transgender, nonbinary, queer, a-spec, alterhuman

About The Body: White, Neurodivergent, Persodivergent, Disabled, Plural

Accomodations Needed: Tone Tags, Help With Image Descriptions, Kindness upon Longer Periods of Not Posting

DNI:

MAPs/pedophiles, sexualize agere/petre, nsfw/kink accounts, transrace/transabled/transage/etc, anti endogenic plurality, shipcourse, syscourse, queer discourse

- Emoji Sign Off List Under the cut!! Currently under construction as alters front and feel comfortable!! -

Unknown Fronter - ❔

Dee - 🕰

Janus - 🐍

Remus - 🐙

Virgil // Vee // Oppy // Orbit - 🕸

Roman - ⚔

Logan - 📚

Patton -  🐕

Sly // Sly Blue // Desire - 🗝

Noiz - 🐇

Ash // Ayden -💙

Angel Dust -💕

Loona - 🐺

Queen Bee // Queen Beelzebub - 🍯

Alastor - 🦌

Anxiety - 🕷

Nico - 🪦

Will - ☀️

Percy - 🌊

Annabeth - 🦉

Julian // Ilya - 🩸

Asra - 🔮 

Nadia - 🐐 MC - 🪄

Emile - 🐏

Helio // Elixir // The Dragon Witch - 💜

Doll // Dolly - ☁

Eepie - 🪱

Peter Parker // Spiderman -🖌

Wade Wilson // Deadpool - 🗡

Venom - ⚫

Eddie - 🍡

Bucky - ✨

Cap - ★

Fizz - 🎉

Blitzo - ❤

Ozzie - 💝

Scar - 🎩

Grian - 🦜

Mumbo - 🎲

Crowley - 🐝

Aziraphale - 🪻

Lance - 🫐

Keith - 🍓

Shiro - 🐧

Pidge - 🍃

Hunk - 🍋

Hobie - 🎸

Shockwave - 🎻

Harley Quinn // Harley - ♦️

Selina // Catwoman - 🐈‍⬛

Pamela // Poison Ivy - 🌱

Talia al Ghul -  🌙

Diana // Wonder Woman - 🦎

Bruce // Batman - 🦇

Damian // Robin - 🪺

Jason // Red Hood - 🪹

Dick // Grayson // Nightwing - 🌃

Thorn - 🥀

Rose - 🌹

Hazel - 🌵

Aribis - 🦆

Hermes - 🌼

Ace - 🐺

Reem - 💚 

Vi - ⚡

Jan - 💛

Outburst - 💥

Grell - 🎀

Alois - 🦋

Ciel - 🔷

Claude - 🟨

Sokka - 🪃

Zuko - 🔥

Ambrosia - 🩷

Qibli - ⏳

Winter - 🧊

Kinkajou - 🥭

Turtle - 🐢

Moonwatcher - 🌒

Peril - ♨

Cricket - 🦗

Blue - 🩵

Sundew - 🍃

Willow - 🌾

Glory - 🌈

Aither - 🧛

Sirius - 🐦‍⬛

Remus // Lupin - 📑

Oliver - 💐

Miguel - 🐻

[krayonkiddos]

pinned~

this is my agere sasi blog!! i headcanon all the sides as age regressors with different ranges of regression :3 i’ll put their age ranges under the cut!!

main: @t4tprinzzy

name: ozzy

pronouns: he/it/any neos

dni:

anti agere or petre

kink blogs (having one is find just don’t interact from it)

racists, sexists, antisemites, white supremacists, etc

zionists (from the river to the sea, palestine will be free)

pedos + zoos and supporters

anti-endos

proshippers aka r3mr0m shippers (e, o)

terfs + queerphobes + exclusionists (i loveee mspec lesbians and neopronouns and gnc people and men 🥰)

people who in ANY way support HP and/or JKR

generative ai users/supporters (ai art, chatgpt, character ai, etc)

sides agere ranges:

roman: usually an older kiddo, between 6 and 10 most often

remus: doesn’t really know his actual age when regressed but if roman is also regressed he’ll claim roman’s age lol

logan: between 4 and 8 depending on how he’s feeling, but if someone else regresses while he’s regressed, he gets a bit older. so if he’s 6, and someone else regresses, he’s suddenly about 12

virgil: strictly a teen regressor, 15-17, but one time he regressed to 13 out of stress

patton: when he regresses (which isnt often, he’s a cg leaning flip) he’s full infant mode, the oldest he regresses to is 1

janus: about 3-6 most often, but he struggles to pinpoint his age in the moment, only really able to tell after the fact

[loganssweettooth]

Oct,,,,,, octopi petre Remus please,,,,,,,, it's adorable,,,,,

YES that's so cuuuuute just sea themed everything and he's their lil octi 🥺

[vampiriclittleguy]

journal prompts for littles who like sanders sides!

🦇🖍🦇🖍🦇🖍🦇🖍🦇🖍🦇🖍🦇🖍🦇🖍🦇

“ what would i do ? " - think about the core issue of your favourite sanders sides episode ! what would you do to help thomas and his sides ?

“ dress up ! " - draw a character in just their undies ! now use stickers, fabric or extra paper to make clothes for them ! alternatively, you can draw the clothes directly on !

“ headcanon brainstorm ! " - draw a side how you see them ! now, write down your favourite headcanons about them ! it can be pronoun headcanons, gender headcanons, relationship headcanons, style headcanons, etc !

“ movie star ! " - draw yourself acting alongside roman, thomas or any other side !

“ the animal episode ! " - remember when thomas said the puppet episode was originally going to have the sides as animals ? well , now you can draw the sides as what animals you think fit best ! feel free to draw them as full animals or as anthros ! you can also include thomas, janus and remus as animals !

“ logan’s lowdown ! " - have to process a lot of information [ whether it be for school, work, a project or similar ! ] ? format it in the form of a logan’s lowdown ! draw logan giving you your chores, work/school timetable, project list etc ! you can also draw him giving you comfort or reassurance

“ mindpalace daycare ! " -draw or write yourself being taken care of by a character ! they could be a cg or an older sibby ! alternatively, you can draw or write yourself taking care of a character !

“ pretty pacis ! " - design yourself a side inspired paci ! alternatively, design a character their own personal paci

“ castle cartoons ! " - draw or write a character watching a cartoon, and you can even watch with them ! you can also write about your favourite cartoons, and what character would like them !

“ babies baking ! " - draw or write yourself baking with a character ! if you’re a bit bigger and/or have somebody to help, you can even bake for real life !

🖍🦇🖍🦇🖍🦇🖍🦇🖍🦇🖍🦇🖍🦇🖍🦇🖍

[smolsidesandco]

Regressed!Virgil: *doing Janus's makeup* "Moddy gonna look so preeedy!"

Janus: "oh? Isn't moddy already pretty?"

Regressed!Virgil: "mmmmmm no"

Remus in the background: *dying of laughter*

[simena]

Vas cu flori de măr - Petre Remus Troteanu

[ikissedremuslupin]

Nejkrásnější(?) vzpomínka

Anotace: Dalo by se říct, že příběhově navazuje na "Já jsem Remus Lupin, vlkodlak". Remus se snaží přijmout své vlkodlactví a protože o tom nemá s kým mluvit, ze zoufalství se setká se Šedohřbetem. Svým přátelům o tom ale neřekne. Sirius ale pozná, že se něco děje. Jak dopadne jejich konfrontace?

Varování: sebepoškozování (ve vlkodlačí podobě), krev

***

"Siriusi! Přestaň konečně trucovat a vylez."

Remus klepal na dveře Komnaty nejvyšší potřeby, kam se jeho kamarád pro změnu zašil. Zevnitř se nic neozývalo. Remus váhal. Siriovu úprku předcházela jejich značně přiostřená debata. Přemýšlel na čem to jejich nedorozumnění zase vzniklo. Ze Siriova pohledu pochopitelně kvůli němu. Jenže Sirius vždycky nějak zapomínal, že problémy mají i jiní, nejen on.

Včera byl Remus venku. Mluvil s jedinou osobou, která mu mohla říct něco víc o vlkodlacích. Zoufalý čin. Ale nikoho jiného neměl. James, Petr a Sirius mu byli vším, ale v tomhle mu pomoci nemohli. Mohli jeho břímě učinit o něco lehčím, ale nedokázali to změnit. Ale to nedovedl ani Šedohřbet. Jen mu dával jiné alternativy. Nemusel by trpět. Jenže Remus byl Remus a trpěl vždycky. Třeba právě teď.

Zhluboka si povzdechl a otevřel dveře. Sirius stál u okna. Kupodivu se nedíval ven, ale vstříc vchodu, jakoby na Rema čekal. Ten s drobným zaváháním dveře zavřel a zůstal stát vedle.

"Chci vědět, kdes byl," vypálil Sirius.

"Už jsem ti to přece říkal - venku," odpověděl Remus netrpělivě.

"Asi jsem se měl vyjádřit přesněji," ušklíbl se Sirius. "Chci vědět pravdu."

"Najednou jsi to ty, kdo žádá od druhých upřímnost?"

"Reme," ozval se Sirius vážným tónem jen s drobným náznakem ostnu v hlase. Přešel k němu a rukou opřenou o zeď uzavřel jeho osobní prostor do malé klece.

Remus k němu vzhlédl v nádechu obav. Zoufale se snažil uklidnit srdce, které se vydalo na úprk. Siriova tvář byla blízko té jeho, otřely se o sebe, cítil jeho dech na krku a rty u ucha zašeptaly:

"Když nedokážeš být upřímný ke mně, buď alespoň upřímný sám k sobě.."

Konečky prstů pohladily stěnu a Sirius náhle zmizel, proklouzl dveřmi, které hlasitě práskly. Remus ještě cítil jeho přítomnost, tak blízko, vzduch byl prosycený jeho vůní.. Svezl se po zdi na zem..

Příteli, ten jed

na tvých rtech

promlouvá mými slovy

Příteli, ten jed

se mi do srdce vplet

a ta slova tak bolí!

***

Úplněk byl během pár dní. A napětí mezi Siriem a Remem nebralo konců. James se držel kamarádova příkladu a taky s Remem nemluvil. Petr šel jako vždy s davem. Němě mu vyčítali jeho lži.

Remus seděl na okně a s obavami pozoroval dorůstající stříbřitý kotouč. Další úplněk o samotě. Jeho mdlé světlo se rozlévalo po podlaze a dělalo Remův obličej ještě bledším než obvykle. Vlkodlakovy oči v ozářené tváři působily temně a zapadle a rýsovaly se pod nimi děsivé stíny. Možná za to mohly i ty zatracené slzy..

S povzdechem ulomil další čtvereček čokolády. Byla už noc, ale v ložnici nikdo nebyl. Většina byla dole ve společenské místnosti a jeho přátelé se bavili někde spolu. Přátelé? Ušklíbl se. V hlavě se mu rozezněl Šedohřbetův hlas: "Máš i jiné možnosti.." Zavřel oči. Ne. Vina je jeho. To on lhal. A není snad Šedohřbet stejný? On lhal kvůli němu. Nenechá ho to dílo zkázy dokon��it. Remus je přece jiný. Není sám. Má je. Měl.. Vina leží na nás všech..

Vina leží na nás všech

příteli, oheň na tvých rtech!

spaluje moje činy

To já jsem lhal

já tvé rty tím jedem pokapal

teď sčítáš všechny moje viny

***

Úplňkovou noc prořízlo táhlé vytí plné bolesti. V Chroptící chýši zase strašilo. Lidé z Prasinek zmizeli v bezpečí svých obydlí. Šeptalo se, že tam řádí vlkodlak. A v jeho těle se jeden malý kluk stočil do klubíčka.

Vlčí tesáky se zaryly do masa. Vlčí drápy drásaly paže. A záda a boky. A tekla krev. Černá vlčí krev a pálivé slzy. A vlkodlak vyl. Štěkal a plakal. Prosil a naříkal. Člověk v jeho těle byl sám. Vlkodlak trestal. A děsil a řval. A plival. Poplival celé jeho bytí. Mdloby byly vysvobození. Za svítání se kňučící uzlíček srsti schoulil na zemi.

Někdo však přišel ošetřit jeho rány. Někdo s havraními vlasy a smutnýma šedýma očima. Citlivýma rukama s dlouhými prsty smýval navlhčeným hadrem horkou krev. A stíral slzy. Bděl vedle něj a objal jej pažemi. A vlkodlak měl klidné sny.

***

"Co tu děláš?" zachraplal Remův zesláblý hlas.

Snažil se na sobě nějak udržet zkrvavené cáry košile, jež na něm visely v dlouhých pruzích, jak se zvedal ze země.

Sirius na něj upřel dlouhý výmluvný pohled.

"Snažil ses zmrzačit?" zeptal se místo odpovědi a přimhouřenýma očima sledoval, jak se Remus opírá o zeď, aby neupadl.

"Nesu následky svých činů."

"Jakých?" zaútočil Sirius.

Remus se opřel o zeď a zavřel oči, jakoby před tím vším chtěl uniknout. Dlouze se nadechl a sykavě zase vypustil vzduch.

"Lhal jsem."

"To je mi překvapení," ozval se Sirius jízlivě. "Promiň," omlouval se, když viděl, jak kamarád zkřivil tvář.

"Máš pravdu. Takhle se přátelé nechovaj. Chtěl jsem-"

"Chtěl jsi nás opustit, co?"

Remus na něj upřel překvapený pohled.

"Nejsem slepej, Reme. Choval ses divně. Vyhýbal ses nám čím dál víc. Nevnímal jsi a lži se staly tvým denním chlebem. Nemysli si, že jsme si nevšimli."

"Těch pár týdnů o samotě mi stačilo. Pomohlo mi to uvědomit si, co je pro mě důležitý.."

Sirius se ušklíbl.

Remus se nadechl: "Chtěl jsem-"

"Nemusíš-"

"Já chci!"

"Už na tom nezáleží."

Remus se nadechl, aby protestoval. Sirius k němu přešel a sevřel ho v náručí. Vlkodlak se o něj ztěžka opřel.

"Vrátil ses."

A tekly slzy. Pálivé slzy a krev.

Příteli, smývám ten jed

ale tíhu v��t

ani polibky nespraví

skrývám za víčky

stopy bolesti

a svý oči prolhaný

***

"Co bys řekl na to, že bychom se stali zvěromágy?"

Chlapcův rozzářený obličej. Oči vykulené úžasem. Nevěřícnost, štěstí, obavy a špetka smutku.

Voněl hřebíček. Pohladil rukama střepy zrcadla. Nejkrásnější vzpomínka. Ztracená. Platíme za okamžiky štěstí...