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bg-brainrot · 8 months ago

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WHaBFHtLA - Astarion x GN!Reader - Chapter 12: The Source of his Pain

Pairing: Astarion x GN!Reader (Elf!Tav)

Genre: Reincarnation, Angst, Mystery, Slow burn

Rating: Explicit, 18+

Tags: Gender-Neutral Pronouns, POV Second Person, Canon-Typical Violence, references to past Astarion trauma, references to death and dying, lots of talking

WC: 3.3k words, 12/?? chapters

Summary: As you aim to leave and never look back, Astarion realizes that perhaps *he's* the one that made the mistake.

A/N: In case you were wondering, I planned this out like anime arcs lol. We had the memory arc, meeting Astarion arc, and this is the end of arc 3, which I lovingly called Astarion Feels Feelings.

Ao3 | [Ch11][Ch13] | WHaBFHtLA Masterlist

Astarion has spent the last 150 years of his life convinced of one unflinching truth: That his cold, unbeating heart was only capable of aching for one person. When that person died, so did, he presumed, his ability to feel that ache for any other.

In a prison deep below ground, with the sound of your parting words echoing in his ears and your tear-filled eyes burned into his vision, he is reminded of how fragile the truth can be.

Clutching his chest and staring at the door you closed in your wake, he mutters a string of curses to himself before moving into action.

“Are you following me to make sure I leave? Don’t worry, I’ve heard enough. I’ll be out of your life soon,” you say, not turning back to look at the man who stands just in the shadows of the doorway behind you.

He slips out of the darkness, into the hall, keeping a sizable distance between you. The vampire doesn’t say anything, and, in fact, you likely wouldn’t have noticed him were it not for the undeniably intentional noise he is making with each footstep. You know he could move silently if he wished, but he wants you to sense his presence– it’s an invitation to talk to him, one that you’re not inclined to take at this point.

“Or did you just want to make sure I was thoroughly torn to shreds?” you ask, continuing to walk down the hallway. “Consider me well and truly mangled.”

You were done shedding tears by now.

You’d cried the entire time you were escorted by Petras, ignoring his concerned, stumbling questions. As you navigated your way out of the spawn’s fortress, you thought of what an absolute idiot you’d been. How not a single part of this experience had been worth it. How you should have just stayed at home, reached maturity, and lived a regular, uneventful life back at Neverwinter.

You’d cried the entire time you traced the Bibberbang path back, pausing every few steps to wipe your tears lest you blow up. You thought of your family, how ashamed they would be that you’d come all this way for nothing. How you’d ignored them and made a fool of yourself in the process. How you were yet another cautionary tale for young, naive elves now.

You’d cried the pathway back to the house, before it dwindled into sniffles at the long ladder before you. You thought of Halsin and how he’d believed in you, assured you that Astarion would see you for who you are. How you’d promised him to visit with Astarion someday. How you clearly didn’t deserve to share a soul with the Hero of Baldur’s Gate.

Your tears finally dried up on the ladder, as you went rung by rung all the way back to the surface. You thought of your former self, wondering how they left this man in such a sorry state. How they’d sent you on this journey with their memories, made you care for the man they loved, filled your head with delusions of romantic grandeur. How maybe the dreams were worthless anyway, and you only saw things the way you wanted to see them.

Your eyes were red and puffy but dry by the time you went back to your former room to collect the rest of your belongings. Now you finally allowed yourself to think of Astarion. How the man of your dreams turned out to be a nightmare in the flesh. How no amount of unearned love would help him. How you shouldn’t be the one to help anyway.

So now that this man stalks behind you, burning holes into your back with his gaze, you can’t bring yourself to care. Don’t want to care.

“Are you really going to keep stomping after me after all that?” you ask, exasperation clear in your voice as you stop walking once more.

Finally, he speaks. “You really have the same soul… don’t you?” His voice is soft, and you can hear the same fear you saw in his eyes back in the cells.

You shrug. “I thought it didn't matter.” You turn back toward Astarion now, anger coloring your next words, “And, since it doesn’t matter who I am, please stop following me.”

Now that you can see his face, the sadness in his eyes is unmistakable. His lips curl into an anguished smile as he says, “It doesn’t matter. Not really. I’m not the same man your soul met all of those centuries ago.” He takes a shaky breath and continues, “And I'm certainly no longer the same man who held your soul’s body in their dying breaths 150 years ago. That man died with his love that day.”

His words come from a place of honesty, but they don’t hurt any less. “Thank you for confirming that it doesn’t matter,” you reply through gritted teeth, trying to understand why he would take extra time to torment you. “Now since I’ve already said my goodbye, I hope you don’t mind if I just leave.”

“Please,” the word comes out short, caught between breaths. “I know I likely don’t deserve it, but if I could have just a few minutes of your time.”

You want to say no. Every piece of your body and mind screams at you to say no. But as it always was with this man, you were thinking entirely with your heart and soul. “Only one minute.”

He sighs in relief, and the words come pouring out of him, as if he’d been bottling them up the entire journey back from the Underdark. “I can be rash, I can be difficult, and gods know that I can be spiteful– but I know that after three centuries of being my own man, I am nothing if not enduring.”

You wonder where he’s going with this, and contemplate asking when he takes a breath and looks at you. Something about the way he stares, as if he’s finally seeing you, not as another mad person at his doorstep, but as a real, genuine person, gives you pause.

“When I see you, I don’t know what to feel,” he says, running a hand through his hair in a nervous habit you recognize from your memories. “My survival instinct tells me to run, to hide because you are a source of pain. And some part of me, I don’t even know which, tells me to let you stay in my house. It tells me you can’t come to any harm. It tells my heart to burn when you cry.”

A lump forms in your throat, and the tears you’ve only just mastered build beneath your eyelids. After a heavy swallow, you ask, knowing full well the answer, “Which part seems to have won out so far?”

“You’re right,” he says, hand clutching at his chest now. “I don’t like pain. I’d much rather inflict it, as I’m sure you’re well aware.” The vampire gives a dark chuckle before continuing, “So I’ve spent years trying to endure, to make sure that no one could hurt me. Not anymore.”

“Then, please, allow this source of pain to leave your life,” you say, taking a small mock bow, ready to stomp down the stairs in a huff. “I’m sure your minute is up.”

He’s taking strides toward you before you can finish your bow, his face set in determination. “Impatience must be part of the soul. Before you cut me short on time, let me finish.” He stops a few feet from you, staring at you intensely. “What I’m trying to say is… I wasn’t even aware that I could still feel this pain toward someone. I didn’t know how you managed to slip through my defenses, and I was afraid to find out.”

You stare back, your resolve to barge out of his house in a frenzy suddenly wavering with his piercing red eyes on you. His words settle into you as you wonder what he’s trying to say. “So, you believe me. But it doesn’t matter. Also, all I do is cause you pain, and you hate that?”

His own words summarized on your lips seem to be too much for him as he sighs up toward the ceiling. “Yes, I suppose if you’d like to condense my words in such a crude fashion, that’s all strictly true.” Astarion looks back down at you, face serious, as he says, “I think I’m saying that I’d like to start over.”

The last two days are fresh on your mind, the tears that you cried likely still stain your cheeks, and yet something about the simplicity of starting over makes you want to forget them as easily as he suggested. “I think I would like that,” you say, and when his expression seems to lift at that, you hold up a hand. “But, I’m still concerned. I didn’t come here intending to be a source of pain, and I don’t want to be that for you.”

“Don’t worry about that,” he says with a dismissive wave of his hand.

“How could I not?” you ask, shaking your head with a furrowed brow.

Astarion tilts his head toward you conspiratorially before pulling at each one of your heart strings painfully once more. “The owner of that soul has already been the deepest source of pain for me for decades. What’s another drop in the bucket?”

“Astarion, I–”

“I’m an old man, darling,” he interrupts, and it’s clear it’s not meant to be self-deprecating. It simply sounds tired. “I’ve spent centuries under a cruel master, I've buried countless friends, and seen those whom I consider family die. But nothing– and I mean nothing–” The word comes out as a harsh growl. “Compares to the pain I felt when I lost my love. I don’t know if that pain will ever leave me. So don’t worry about me.”

You’d been there for the end, and heard the very same pain in his voice. You have no doubts that he only speaks the truth, but you’re unsure what to do with it. Your own anger dulls in the face of the memory, and you find yourself wondering how you could show up at his doorstep, forcing these memories back to the forefront of his mind. In order to truly start over, you’ll have to apologize for that.

“I know,” you end up saying after a moment of silence. “While I can’t truly relate, I recognize that it’s an agony like no other. I’m sorry for rushing into this when I couldn’t possibly understand it. I’m sorry for reminding you of it, and for any new hurt I’ve caused through my hasty actions.”

The vampire before you seems to be about to respond to your apology, perhaps with one of his own, when he pauses as if something’s just struck him. Abruptly, he poses you a question, “How old are you?” He seems afraid to ask, pursing his lips ever so slightly.

“Nearly a hundred,” you answer, noting his visible relief. “I actually wanted to come sooner, but I… well, I was told it would be a bad idea.”

Astarion laughs at that and you frown in response, unsure what to make of this man’s temperament quite yet. “It was a terrible idea. Now I’m wondering if the soul is in charge of making decisions, since my love was full of terrible ideas. In fact–” He stops talking, the warm smile that had crept on his face frozen in place. “Nevermind. I won’t bore you with well... your own past.”

You can see the hurt on his face, as though he’d been unprepared to relive the memory that came unbidden, been unprepared to open up again so suddenly. Already you were a source of pain. “To be fair, I didn’t experience everything,” you clarify tentatively, feeling the need to reassure him, to help him understand that these memories could be a source of happiness. “You’re welcome to share if you’re comfortable.”

He shoos the thought away like an annoying fly. “Forget that. You’re a hundred?”

Furrowing your brows, you nod. Is he about to make fun of my age? Am I too young?

“That means your soul was only at rest for half a century.” He tilts his head with a wry smile. “Of course, you wouldn’t sit still, you absolute menace.” He says it in such a soft, loving tone, you know it isn’t meant for you. You wonder how he ever planned on pretending he didn’t love your past-self, but decide not to ask– instead choosing to bring him back to the present.

“Not to interrupt you, but why does it matter how old I am?”

Astarion clears his throat, returning to the matter at hand. “Apologies, when you mentioned being unable to relate, I grew worried. I simply must have pegged you correctly when I called you a scholar.” The grin he gives you is tepid, as he hears the half-lie in his own statement.

Scholar was putting it too lightly. His previous words ring through your head, just one of the harsh statements he’s flung at you, ‘What are you? A pampered scholar, deigning to leave your little tower for a night of entertainment?’ You wince remembering it. “While I am a scholar, I do take offense to being called pampered. As well as many of the other things you’ve said so far.” You’re proud of how firm your voice is, and you cross your arms to emphasize your point.

“Right, that’s understandable.” He looks away from your searing glare, and clears his throat once more. “I do appreciate you showing up here, even if I’m somewhat unprepared for it. I didn’t know how to react to you. Ultimately I was too severe, and for that. I’m…” He takes a deep breath and meets your eyes once more. “Sorry.”

You stare at him for a moment, wondering what to do with that awkward and somewhat unapologetic apology. Despite the part of you that is somehow still enraptured by this silver-haired devil, that deeply wants to welcome the lackluster apology, you manage to leave it at a simple, “I appreciate that.”

“Good,” he says with a relieved sigh, as if you’d accepted his apology.

You decide not to correct him, and instead press on now that you’ve both apologized for your actions. “So where does that leave us?”

“To be completely honest with you,” he starts, and his red eyes meet your eyes in a sort of plea. “I meant it when I said I’m not really the same person anymore. I don’t know what you hope to achieve or if what you hope to achieve is even possible.” The sorrow in his voice runs deep, and his hands clench at his sides, as if he can't believe how frustrated he is at himself.

“I don't know either,” you answer, looking away from him as the weight of his turmoil comes crashing down on you. Clearly just trying to return to a life together was out of the question– you’re not even certain if you even want that with this man anymore. Though there is one thing that still guides you, as ever. “But I should like to at least do right by my past-self. I don’t know why I received the dreams I did, but I do know one thing.”

“What’s that?” Astarion asks, looking at you with a quirked eyebrow.

“That my past-self was… worried about you. Even if you don't want to be with me, I want to make sure you’re okay. If only for them.” Then, as if to add context to the statement, you continue, “It sounds odd, maybe it’s even egotistical? But I care about them almost as much as I care about you.”

Your words hang between you both for a moment. Belatedly you realize that, while you’ve thought it plenty, even told him repeatedly that you are his former-lover, you’ve just told this near-stranger that you care about him.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean–” you cut your words short, wondering if there’s any point to trying to diminish it. Because, while you don’t know if it’s love, you do care for this man in a way that extends past all reason. It shows in your actions and your words, in the fact that you stayed here and listened to him despite it all– so much so that there’s really no use hiding it. “No, that’s not true. I don’t know if I love you, but I do care about you.”

Astarion looks torn and your honesty seems to have shocked him into silence once more. “I truly don't know if I’m capable of love again,” he finally states, an unmasked desperation to his voice– afraid that he may very well be broken beyond repair, afraid of the rejection that’s bound to follow. “Is that… alright?”

A beat passes between you as you digest his words. After the pause, you simply say, “Okay.”

“Okay?” he repeats, brows furrowing in concern.

“Yes, that's okay. I don't need love,” you say with a single firm nod. Unsure if that’s too harsh, you add, “Not while I don’t even know you. I think for now I'd like to just get to know you, the real, present-day Astarion.”

“In that case,” he begins, shoulders visibly dropping as he releases the tension he’d been holding since following you back into his house. “Would you give me the chance to learn who you are as well?”

You give him another nod, this one with a small, tentative smile. “I’d like that.”

“Very well.” Astarion gives a soft sigh, taking in your packed bags and placement on the edge of the stairs. “I know I hardly have the right to ask this after well… all of this. But would you like to stay here for a bit? We can spend some time together.”

He invites you to stay so casually, you almost find yourself agreeing immediately. It is what you wanted, after all. But after everything that’s transpired, you know that you should stop leaping into situations like this heart-first. “Are you sure that’s the best idea?” you ask, giving him a concerned grimace. “I appreciate the offer, truly, but it seems like this place may house too many… difficult memories.”

The vampire gives you a sad, understanding smile before shaking his head. “Perhaps, but it was still our home.” When he says ‘our’, you know he doesn’t include you in particular. “It may even prove to be helpful.”

Your eyes search his somber red gaze for any inkling of a ruse. When you find nothing, your already weak will crumbles. So you gulp, and say, “In that case, I’ll stay.”

“Excellent,” Astarion says, clasping his hands together. Then, as if remembering himself, he adds, “But only until the end of the month.”

You’re confused and concerned at having a time limit, and you’re about to say something when Astarion holds up a hand.

“It’s nothing personal. I have to go visit Gale for his ridiculous birthday celebration and I'm not leaving someone, even if they are the reincarnated soul of my past lover, alone in my house. Especially now that they’re a damnable wizard.” Then under his breath he adds, “Of course you were reborn as a wizard. Just to add insult to injury.”

You ignore the comment about your magic, choosing to focus on the much more shocking piece of information, “Gale’s still alive?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” he says, rolling his eyes. “Out of everyone, how are he and Halsin the ones I’m stuck with.”

Despite his flippant response, you get the sense that he’s closer to Gale than to Halsin if he’s attending his birthday, but you decline to comment. Instead you only say, “Alright then. One month.”

One month. That should be more than enough time to right the wrongs you’ve done to each other, learn who the other is, and figure out where to go from there– right?

#astarion #astarion x tav #fanfic #astarion fic #astarion x reader #astarion fanfiction #astarion fanfic #astarion masterlist #gn reader #astarion x gn reader #astarion x gn!tav #astarion baldurs gate #bg3 astarion #when he's all but forgotten how to love again #whabfhtla #reincarnation trope #elf!tav #astarion x you

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dipolardruid · 2 years ago

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OKAY back with another request! How about Flirty reader with the yanderes? But reader dosnt flirt with the yanderes only to other people like friends/people they just met but never the yanderes. And most importantly if they ask why they say.. “Because I have too much respect for you. Also cuz I see you as my sibling!” The yanderes were family zoned which might be a lot worse than friend zoned lmao

-🌊 anon

TW: Mention of manipulation

Anell

"Too much respect....? Sibling?" She'll be gripping her head in astonishment, she understands the sibling part it happens but too much respect? That's the dumbest crap she's ever heard.

If you want to see her genuinely get mad tell her that, she hasn't made it a secret that she has feelings for you and that she wants to be with you so everytime you'd flirt with someone else infront of her it'd chip at her more and more, so she'll tell you straight up she has feelings for you and be persistent to the point that it could ruin your chances of any romantic interest with anyone else.

As mentioned before saying you see her as a sibling won't set her off since she will still see it as a chance to be able to win you over like in those romcoms.

Tina

"What...?" She stares at you disbelief as you tell her this "I....I don't need a sibling! If I wanted one I could've just asked my parents and too much respect!? If you do give me a chance show me the same amount of respect in our relationship!" Her voice now raised.

"I hate when you let others touch you or give you honeyed words in your ears even more so when you return those advances! I hate it so much that everytime I witness it I can't help but feel like I want to scream!" She finishes her sentence with a puff crouching on the floor with her knees against her chest.

She looks up at you with her brows furrowed before speaking "I'm sure you and I both know what'll happen if my patience truly runs out so how about you quit what you're doing and continue on as usual except your flirting with anyone who isn't me or the others...ok?"

Paul

He stares at you with furrowed brows and jaw clenched his hands in a fist so tight you can see them shaking from the force "I already have brothers and sisters I don't need another one..." He says through gritted teeth his breathing becoming ragged as he finishes his sentence.

He takes slow steps towards you "Not only that you give me the stupid excuse of having too much respect for me...I have people who throw themselves at me saying how much they respect me, admire me some even want to be me..." He stops halfway towards you upon seeing your face which causes him to begin slouching.

"Yet the person I want more than anything to look at me with those eyes and give me those flirtatious remarks can't help but see me as nothing more than a sibling...it's not fair."

Petra

You see as her cheeks, eyes and the tip of her nose turn red at your statement "I...I understand." You watch as she turns away from you and quickly makes her way out of the room not leaving you to process what's happening before she has the door closed.

Throughout the days you notice how she seems to be more quiet and a little distant when it comes to her usual routine but she will converse with you if you talk to her but besides that she won't initiate any type of discussion even with the others. The only one who seems to know what's wrong is Jake but he stays quiet at the request of Petra and is keeping out of it.

It wouldn't be until you would return the advances of another classmate that she'd finally give in, she would wait until she was sure you both were alone before doing anything.

"I don't understand....you barely met them yet you are so ready to throw yourself at them while I'm left in the dust, haven't I shown you how much I care!? I just don't understand what am I doing wrong...."

Jake

He doesn't even need to ask he already knows how you view him but will act as if he didn't and use that to his advantage he'll slowly use the people around you to keep your attention on him he'll just put you in situations where you need a hero to save the day, someone to give you a comforting hug or even a protective figure when going out because you never know who could be waiting.

That respect you have for him he will have it be raised so high that when you look at him your eyes will shine as the first thoughts in your mind are how someone like him could even bother with you and once he has you in that mindset he'll begin to trick you into believing that the respect you hold for him is so much more than that.

I mean why else would someones eyes light up upon seeing someone, how your thoughts will slowly start to be filled with him at all times even for basic tasks and he will ensure that by the end of the month everyone else won't even be able to register in your mind besides him and the others.

Request are open!

#yandere #yandere oc #my oc character #yandere x reader #yandere x y/n #female yandere x reader #female yandere #yandere female oc #yandere female #yandere male x reader #yandere male #male yandere x reader #yandere male oc #male yandere #yandere mutants #yandere popular kids

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lorata · 1 year ago

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Part 3 of Incorrect Loraverse Quotes (including characters from @kawuli @penfoldx and xanify)

Dash: Don't kill me, I'm married! I have wives at home!

Criminal: Do you think I care?

Dash: No, you don't understand. This is not a plea for mercy, this is a warning.

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Eibhlin: Beetee, I'm not saying you took it and I'm not saying you didn't, but ever since you came over for dinner, we've been missing a silver plate.

Beetee: I'm not saying you and Claudius are more than "normal buddies" and I'm not saying you're not, but if you'd have slept in your own bed in the last two weeks, you would've found the plate under your pillow.

-----------

Paul: HELP! I TOLD JULIA I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!

Joseph, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

(this is canon I don't care)

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Joseph:*finishes reading the book* Sleep. Now.

Baby Alec: But there might be scary monsters under my bed!

Joseph: Scarier than your mother?

Baby Alec: Okay fair point

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Creed/Dash/Claudius: You have to apologize to them.

Selene Fine! But I must warn you that this might make me a better, nicer person and that is NOT the woman you fell in love with!

-----------------

Brutus: This is not the time for your shenanigans.

Misha: Technically it was a single shenanigan. More of a hijink really.

------------------

Joseph: The difference between you and me is that I do nothing to hide my affection while you pretend it's a coincidence you're in the same room as me 97% of the time.

Adora: The fact that I'm laying on you means nothing.

------------------

Alec: Are you.... sure this is safe?

Selene: I never once said that.

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Sara: We’re having fun, aren’t we Alister?

Alister: I’ve never been more stressed in my entire life

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[after sparring match]

Alec: *sweating in workout gear* Do you want some water?

Jake: *whispering* I'm so gay.

Alec: What?

Jake: I AM OKAY!

------------------

Joseph: Beat three eggs???

Adora: It means like, hand-to-hand combat

Paul: Oooh that makes sense

Julia: All of you get the hell out of my kitchen.

(I also considered doing this with Devon, Misha, Petra, and Emory but I am still laughing at Julia being the only one of the parents who can cook)

-------------------

Emory: I just had a long talk with Misha, Devon, Claudius, and Petra about hitting and now they are yelling "It’s my turn to perpetuate the cycle of violence" before hitting each other.

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Devon, texting: Hey, who's this? Misha changed all my contacts to magical creatures.

Person: What's mine?

Devon: "Halfling".

Person: I'M NOT THAT SHORT!

Devon: Oh, hey Petra

----------------------

Marius: Congratulations. You’ve just won gold, silver, and bronze in the Morons' Olympics!

Selene:

Dash:

Claudius:

Selene: …Who won the gold?

---------------

Hera: Odin would get mugged and say some shit like “Unhand me right this instant”

-----------------

Brutus: What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to say to someone?

Devon: I care about you

Misha: Worcestershire

-----------------

Selene: I love making men giggle. Like was that funny baby girl…

------------------

Devon in residential: Making things more interesting by going up to people and saying “I just want you to know that I personally have no problem with you being here”

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Adora: He told me his love language is physical touch so I swung on him

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Devon: So I’ve decided to start dating Misha. Thoughts?

Brutus: And prayers.

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Lyme @ Cecelia: Don’t bring your baby to Mentor Central unless you want me to offer him whiskey

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Misha: went to therapy for the first time and cracked a joke and the therapist just started writing faster what the hell was that??

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Callista: Why are threesomes only for sex? Why can’t I join in a couple’s argument if I want to?

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Claudius: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

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Misha: Trauma? Oh you mean the reason I’m hilarious?

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Claudius: I like my women like my woods, haunted & could kill me any moment

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Callista: They hate me for being a slut tbh and maybe also the killings too but that seems unlikely

*from pathologising

INCREDIBLE SHOWSTOPPING SPECTACULAR

#wmbk incorrect quotes #lorata answers #anonymous

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fireemblems24 · 1 year ago

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Lol "the most important one's can sit down" is so far from Edelgard's actual perspective. Read her support with Linhardt, or the amount of support she shows Petra in achieving her goals in their support. Not to mention everything to do with Lysithea and attempting to facilitate her goals by taking care of the things she is unable to do so she can focus on her strengths. Or how she takes time out of her morning every single day to escort Bernadetta to class.

Then there's the whole equal opportunity consideration with the free schooling, an idea courtesy of Ferdinand that she is eager to consider and integrate.

All she does is try and facilitate the "weak" so through that support they become "strong" and can achieve their individual goals for the betterment of everyone.

"I intend to create a world where the best are free to rise to the top and succeed, regardless of their bloodline." Is not a statement about importance. Nobility has inherent importance due to bloodlines. If only the "important" could rise to the top and succeed it would create a feedback loop, lineages. The "best" refers specifically to those who excel in their field, and since they can come from any bloodline none of them were more important than any other.

For that to happen the world she needs to create a world that facilitates the opportunities of all people equally and equitably so the "best" can actually rise and succeed. She removes importance from the equation since it disadvantages those who could be great in favor of those who were born into great things. That's her entire point with Miklan. It's why she's removing the nobility.

It's those who think that bloodlines and certain deific blessings should determine who lives in the biggest castles and mansions that have ideas of "importance." Like, say, which families are important to preserve for the ongoing existence of their nation due to hereditary traits that just so happen to also keep them in positions of ultimate authority as the adjudicator for who gets listened to. And that we should all just "respect" those differences instead of empowering everyone.

Don't get Emperor "I can never be seen as weak because half of the Empire nobles are looking for an excuse to reinstate the power of the Slithers" Edelgard confused with the person she demonstrates herself to be through her words and actions to those in her care. To the extent she's accused of being a mother hen by Linhardt with how doting she is.

Bernadetta leaving her room in Crimson Flower isn't a mistake. Bernadetta wasn't "important" to Edelgard, she figured she would walk her path alone, hated by her Eagles, and still every day, the crown princess and most "important person" in Adrestia took the time to help Bernadetta find her confidence and work towards self-improvement. Something actively detrimental to herself if you think about how she believes they would oppose her. Something that goes double for Petra who she never forces to join her side.

She really seems like the kind of person to leave others in the lurch. Definitely the narrative the game was telling.

I'm gonna be real. I had no idea what you're talking about. You need to give me more context for that line.

Also, I've seen this all before and it's unconvincing.

There's a world of a difference between Edelgard's personal friends, who the vast majority of which also just happen to be Adrestian nobility, and Joe McJoe the (former) Faerghus farmer with a handicap son told his failure is because he lacked merit and not because war killed his other kids, destroyed his farmland, and etc . . .

It's one thing to get cozy with a noble's daughter and another to care about the common person, people she openly says she'll sacrifice and gives a big shrug when Shez says they will suffer the worst in war.

Do I think she's a heartless bitch? No. But I do think she's perfectly willing to leave people behind to starve and die in her war, and that her methodology will not help the ones who survived get back on their feet but blame them for any lack of success by lack of "merit."

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pells-beautiful-wife · 1 year ago

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Cuddles and magic remedies

Warnings: periods, fluff, cramps, not proof read, spelling mistakes, reader is female

Armin x F!reader

This is really scrapy because it took me like an hour and im tired. I need armin rn but couldn't find anything so I wrote this. We. Need. More. Armin. Fics.

Anyway enjoy

Your day was shite.

There was no other way of putting it, your cramps had been on and off all day, ranging from so painfull all you could do was curl up and pray for your life too I think I have cramps but I only feel them when I think about it.

So now here you stood in captain Levis office hoping there was a god.

"You finished?" He asked annoyedly.

"Yes sir," you stood to attention.

"Tch, your done for the day go get some food. Dismissed," happily you skipped out of his office glad your half-assed attempt at cleaning the store room had been accepted,or maybe he knew what time of the month it was?

As you entered the food hall you saw it was almost empty except for a few cadets playing old maid.

Collecting your soup you sat in your usual spot and waited, and waited...

You smiled as Armin walked towards you waving as he did. When he reached you he sat down on your left.

"Hi," he beamed picking up his bread and taking a huge bite out of it.

"Hey Armin, how are you?" You replied.

"I'm good been working on a new strategy that could include erens titan, I'm thinking of trying it out soon, how about you?"

"Ooh sounds exciting, personally? I have done next to nothing," you huffed letting your head fall onto the table.

"You ok?" Armin asked genuine concern in his voice.

You were about to reply when eren and Mikasa came up behind him.

"Hey Armin!" Eren exclaimed. You moved along a seat and eren took your old one.

"Hi eren can I-" armin started, but you cut him off knowing mikasa would want to sit next to eren you ignored your body screaming at you and got up. Leaving your luke warm soup behind.

"Later armin," you excused yourself and left.

It didn't matter that you'd let your soup go cold so you could eat it with him.

You lay face down on your bed sobbing into your covers. Wearing your comfiest night clothes and wrapped in your softest blankets. The hot water bottle sloshed as you rolled to lie on your side.

A soft knock came from the door.

"Hey its Armin can I come in?" He said softly.

"Yeah," you sniffed shuffling in the bed to make room for him to join you.

Quietly he entered closing the door softly behind him.

"I thought so," he smiled at you. "You need anything?"

"Cuddles and a magic remedy," you chuckled, but it turned to sobs.

"I can do cuddles," he said softly pulling you into him as he lay down next to you.

"Thank you," you snuggled into him.

"It'll be okay," he kissed your head, stroking your hair.

"Now that your here?" You laughed.

"Yeah," he laughed too.

You laughed together until a sharp pain struck you in the gut.

"Ow," you groaned burrowing your face into his neck.

"Sshhh," he showered the top of your head in kisses. "I'll be right back ok."

Quickly he stood up and exited.

You curled into a fetal position as the heat from the water bottle was infinitly lacking.

When Armin returned he was holding a steamy cup.

"Whats that?"

"It's ginger tea, petra told the captain and he told sasha and she told jean, who told connnie and he told, never mind its meant to help with cramps," Armin flushed red.

"Thank you," you said reaching for it.

"Wait let it cool down first its to hot right now."

"Armin it's meant to be hot it helps trust me," you smiled at him.

"But this is too hot, I don't want you to get burned," he looked at the floor.

"I'll be careful just gimme the magic remedy," you pouted.

"Mm ok," he carefully handed you the cup.

Slowly you stuck your tongue in it checking the temperature, it was barely hot just a pleasant steamy heat.

You took a large swig and almost moaned.

"So it's good?" Armin joked.

"I think I was promised cuddles," you smiled.

"You were promised nothing," he said but still sat down next to you letting you lean into him.

"I love you," you said into his neck.

"Love you too," he replied into the top of your head.

#armin arlert #my baby #my writing #attack on titan #aot #snk #shingeki no kyojin #armin x reader #armin x you #armin aot #armin #we need more armin fics

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microlm · 1 year ago

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I hate that I’m reblogging this again sorry everyone’s dashboards!! Just skip on by. If there's anything else you'd like me to specifically address at this point just DM me the first post really is just super super long I'm sorry ;_;

Claude wants to unite Fodlan so that it can be better governed, not preserve Leicester's glory.

I never said that he wanted to preserve Leicester’s glory? I said he always tried to manuever so that Leicester would come out the other side ok and that he did make plays where he could come out on top and choose the outcome of the war. Which is what he does in Three Hopes as well.

Rhea is open to change regardless of wars and her health. She knows that wars are inevitable in and out of Fodlan and she does her best to mediate between warring nation's by giving the winner their independance. She also agrees to open up borders once Claude and Petra use their positions to help her and Fodlan out.

In Three Houses or Three Hopes? I don’t remember Rhea ever directly saying she’s fine with open borders, at most in Three Houses she understands that her time is done and steps back to let people do as they please with Fodlan’s direction. This never happens in Three Hopes. Petra even directly ponders about whether or not they can finally form proper ties with Brigid once they remove the church in Three Hopes.

Intolerance to different faiths

Petra was allowed to practice her faith without having a single comment silencing her for it.

And who did Petra practice in front of? Friends who she felt safe with? Same with Claude. Who was he willing to talk about not necessarily believing in the goddess with? Not openly. Just in select supports with those that he trusted and he and Leonie agree to keep their minor blasphemy to themselves to avoid pissing off Church officials. An individual experience trusting individuals is not indication of wider systemic patterns from the wider authority. The wider authority dumping foreign gods into their hidden underground slums and then kicking out worshippers of said god even out of the slums when things get dicey is more indicative of their attitudes. There are no churches or temples to other gods out in the open in Fodlan. Individual practitioners keep to themselves.

Force Seiros onto others.

Hopes drives the point further by having Rhea comment how she doesn't want to impose her faith onto foreigners and wanted to help Duscur in Dedue's and Catherine's support. ( Again wish it was in the original game if they shoehorned the needless racism )

This isn’t actually a claim that Claude makes, he only says that within Fodlan, the religion currently leaves little room for other faiths and interpretations and people of different backgrounds to gain a foothold.

But even so, you shouldn’t neglect to mention that the support starts off with Dedue very wary of Church involvement, implying that there was something to be wary of in the first place. And again, given that the Church had a heavy hand in the dealings with Duscur after the king was killed, and the result being that Duscur was turned into Kleiman land...

That the church is currently folding to the official position of the king sheltering them isn’t really a slam dunk. Just like them suddenly helping Galatea with their famines now that they rely on Faerghus isn’t Church generosity. It’s them trying to ingratiate themselves to their saviors.

Bigotry is an issue caused by humans, it's not something preached by Rhea.

You also aren’t separating Rhea, the Archbiship, from Rhea the individual espousing beliefs. Rhea on a personal level certainly has a more even keel view, but the central church that she heads doesn’t have the same view. Whether you believe she’s lost control of the narrative or that she just doesn’t care enough to change the narrative as long as she can maintain her own powerbase, the end result is still the same: the institution of the Central Church is causing these problems. And what Claude wants isn’t the personal death of Rhea, it’s the removal of the Central Church and the structures it upholds in service of maintaining its influence. What he wants, is the removal of the archbishop. Rhea is just incidentally the current leader of that faction. There’s a reason he tells her she can still just surrender at the end of GW--he’s already ascertained that Edelgard is fine with that--because he doesn’t care if Rhea the person lives so long as Rhea the archbishop is gone.

Classism

Forces innocents into obligations

Nobility, obligations and classism exists regardless of crests proven by Almyra and Brigid and even Dimitri tries his best to rid Faerghus of Classism by having the commoners and the crestless join his army alongside nobles and those who have crests.

They do exist outside of Crests outside of Fodlan, but in Fodlan they do not. Claude’s critiques are against the current form that ruling takes. Brigid’s take on it’s kingship is very different than the more stratified and divine backed system from Fodlan. Almyra’s system also is not backed by divine will. What Claude asks is should leadership really be determined by Crests and church backing, which Dimitri admits to needing to maintain his own position. It’s a large reason whole why he’s willing to stick his neck out for Rhea in the first place. Claude’s criticism don’t take shots to address class divides in general. He thinks commoners should vote and participate in government, but this shouldn’t be confused for class equality. Same with Dimitri’s efforts to integrate the crestless into the army. The guy he appoints as the big “Example” is a former noble. A better example would his Yuri supports where they talk about ending poverty, but that’s like...not really relevant to the question of whether or not the current system of nobility is propped up by the Church. Because it is.

Mighty authority over Fodlan

For all her influence and power she doesn't have the ability to call the shots in Adrestia.

But she has very heavy direct influence--like had authority on the level of managing the kingdom when the king was killed authority--on Faerghus. The church also has plenty of soft and cultural power over it’s narratives and interpretations in the other nations. It’s highly indicative that it’s Lorenz--a Leicester noble deeply entrenched in tradition--that struggles the most with accepting a different order of nobility, and responds to Claude’s desire to open direct relations with Almyra with “but that goes against the Seiros tenants!”. Do the Seiros tenants actually say that? Claude says he doubts that in VW. In GW, he still doubts that because he explicitly states that he has no desire to repudiate the faith of Seiros, simply the Central Church as an institution which has been driving the interpretations of the text and thus the mindset that Lorenz and presumably the conservative population at large hold. It's why he actively works with the relatively Peace and Love Eastern Church rather than just saying "stop worshipping Seiros".

And interpretation and control is something that the Central Church takes very seriously. They ultimately work to dismantle the Western Church (who's even more intolerant beliefs Rhea and Seteth tolerated until it began to directly affect them). They had a dicey history with the Eastern Church, who's bishop directly cites them not believing that force should be used in the name of religion as a point of contention between them and the Central Church. They straight up tried to kill the bishop that Edelgard set up in the newly refounded Southern Church. Which she totally did to provoke Rhea lol but that the Central Church took the bait says something.

Forbidding outside contact

And "forbidding contact with outsiders" is made up and heavily contradicted by the first game through Ignatz's and Shamir's support.

I’m not sure which supports you’re talking about specifically, but Shamir came as part of an invading force and was left behind. It’s not like she was allowed to immigrate. Ignatz does speak generally of travel, and there are goods being traded from nations outside of Fodlan.

However, limited, carefully controlled trade at does not make a place not isolationist. Keep in mind that the game was written by Japanese writers, and the cultural context of isolationism was Japan’s own Sakoku era where they were closed to foreigners...expect at special ports where they allowed goods and some knowledge to trickle in.

This is a far cry from what Claude says he wants. He doesn’t say he just wants any trade at all--because Fodlan does have trade already--, he says he wants free movement of people and goods across borders, and that is what sparks hesitation and doubt from Lorenz.

Again, all of Claude’s claims are very much at a systemic level, and something that can’t be refuted and is in fact strengthened by how the individual exceptions are just that: exceptions. And people are upset that even those individuals are there. You don’t see a large, diverse population in Fodlan. Every foreigner living in Fodlan we interact with not stuck in underground slums is either there in:

secret (Claude)

as a result of some guarantor granting them special exception (Cyril, Shamir, Petra, Dedue)

to be forced into labor (Cyril again at the Gonerils)

If there truly was no problems of isolationism, why is that? Why are the foreigners disproportionately driven to underground slums or positions where they otherwise have no dignity or ability to self determine?

Furthermore, as I stated in the post you reblogged, Claude’s actual claim is “the church forbids official contact” not all contact, where I explained that the exceptions given are when the church is involved to grant permission and it’s to subjugate the foreign party in question.

Fodlan's colonialism would've been a valid reason for Claude to go to war against the Church, Adrestia ( Edelgard isn't innocent from that ) and Faerghus but that would involve admitting that their colonizing is problematic and that the white lords and their nation's are at fault and the writers can't have that. If the writers weren't gonna take that seriously then I'd rather they not put it in the game at all solely focus on Fodlan's struggles like they do anyways.

Lol yeah, it’s mostly set dressing. But that doesn’t mean we can’t critique it’s failures in both the meta level and on a watsonian level with the facts that are given. If anything, the acknowledgment that the writers erred away from truly wanting to cast anyone in a bad light because they have marketable characters to sell in their gacha game should make us examining claims from Fodlan’s point of view more critically because it’s clear that it’s doubly biased on both a doylist and watsonian level.

And lastly not only isn't Edelgard this respectful ally you prop her up but she's a worse villain than Faerghus and the Church.

Of course Edelgard didn’t do this out of the goodness of her heart lol, no disagreements there. She only did it because she was beaten and realized she was too arrogant to believe that she could just steamroll Leicester in GW. Sorry if that wasn’t clear, but my argument wasn’t that Edelgard was a respectful ally, but that at that moment in time, she is offering a better deal for Claude’s goals. Claude takes it, but it’s not like he’s not aware that the situation could change and he acts on that wariness of her. He makes his plans in an effort to preserve Faerghus, and coordinates with Dimitri not Edelgard in the end. He calls for a ceasefire, and I’d imagine is likely to ally with Faerghus after the end if Edelgard decides to keep fighting. Because I think he’s flexible to changing situations, and I think that’s neat. My disagreement was really only that it is inconceivable for Claude to choose to ally with Edelgard, even if only temporarily under very specific circumstances.

How Fire Emblem 3 Hopes butchered Claude's character.

In order for me to explain how 3 Hopes did him dirty i first have to explain what makes Claude so great in 3 Houses.

In Houses he's a clever and ambitious man who's main goal in life is to end racism and discrimination.

He wants to achieve that goal using his unique and powerful position as the Crown Prince of Almyra and the Leader of the Leicester Alliance to make that dream a reality.

For all his valid criticisms against the church and the Seiros faith he doesn't believe that violence is need to change the Church and Fodlan for the better and learns that Rhea isn't as averse to change than he initially believed.

He fights against Edelgard to put a stop to her senseless and bloody war that prevents him from achieving his dream and to protect innocents from her vicious conquest.

And whether he comes out on top, gets beaten by her or saved by Dimitri he's more than willing to disband the Leicester Alliance so that Fodlan can be better governed under one ruler and prevent opportunistic lords from sowing more conflict and he does everything in his power to keep his soldiers, citizens and himself alive by surrendering if he loses to Edelgard cause he know he can't achieve his noble dream if he's dead.

He's a wise, clever and creative visionary who wants to do everything in his power to achieve his goals as peacefully as possible.

Now that we've established that it's time to talk about his butchered counterpart and how he spits on everything Houses Claude stands for.

In Hopes he's a dimwitted and selfish man who's main goal is to preserve and expand Leicester's power, status and influence and dismantle the church through war which endangers everyone, Leicester included.

Not only has his original goal been reduced to an afterthought but the way he tries to achieve his new goal is more detrimental than it is beneficial.

He sides with his invaders who tried to violently conquer Leicester and slaughtered his soldiers and citizens. He continues Edelgard's pointless war that does more harm than good for everyone involved. He makes enemies out of allies like Faerghus and the Church the former out of a vendetta regarding Leicester and the latter over false and illogical accusations and throws away any opportunity to solve any issues with Faerghus and the Church peacefully by spilling their blood.

Not only was his vengeful nature not present in Houses but he's made statemants contradicting his stance on vengeance. From wanting to end a history of hostility between Almyra and Fodlan to extending mercy to Edelgard despite the crimes she's committed.

To make that matter even worse is that Hopes Claude is vengeful against the wrong group. He had no issues fighting Faerghus for what their ancestors did and yet doesn't have that same energy against Adrestia for their ancestors denying Leicester's right to be independent and the fact that Edelgard is responsible for the deaths in Leicester cause of her war.

And most accusations he throws at the church are either false or not even Rhea's fault but that of humans ( Which isn't to say Rhea and the church isn't without fault cause they definitely are corrupt ) and what's worse the church hasnt done anything to suggested they did commit the crimes he accuses them off and his source of information comes from an unreliable source.

He's so shortsighted, narrow-minded, delusional and all around idiotic that in Scarlet Blaze he and his weaker forces wages war against 2 bigger forces all in a sad attempt to conquer Fodlan for Leicester, needlessly throwing away the lives of his soldiers, citizens, friends and his own and disbanding Leicester in the process.

Which is all the more bizarre considering he teams up with Faerghus and the Church in Azure Moon despite his grudges against Faerghus and the Church making his decision to Scarlet Blaze even more stupid.

It's a shame it even came to this cause not only did the other 2 lords improve from their original counterparts but the goal of their routes were allowed to stay the same, Claude is the only one who's gotten a gross downgrade and the only one route objective was changed from stopping Edelgard and finding out the truth about Crests to becoming her errand boy.

The first half of Golden Wildfire was great and then everything went downhill since Claude killed his shoehorned and obnoxious brother. Why the second half couldn't be Claude cooperating with Faerghus and the Church like in Azure Gleam is beyond me.

But anyways that's the end of my long vent about 3 hopes and it's mistreatment of my favorite lord.

#claude discourse #fe3h #sorry again #tldr; there's systemic issues that the game sets up and I don't think it's contradicted by exceptional individual actions #there's a wider issue I have with the conflation of who Rhea is as a person vs what Rhea represents as the archbishop #that is at the root of all these GW Claude reads disagreements I have with people

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anya-ackerman · 2 years ago

Text

Today I’ve been making bread and baking and decorating a cake and wearing a cute white summer dress and so now have my headcanons about being Levi’s cute little cottagecore housewife

🌻 Levi loves when you bake. Not only does the house smell amazing, either with that scent of freshly made bread or delicious cookies or cakes, but it also means a lovely dessert that night as well. Pies, cookies, cakes, cupcakes, breads and pastries…you can do it all!

🌻 And more often than not they’re a gift you’ll give folks who are new to your neighborhood or you’ll swing by the Corps base to give treats to some of the newer cadets Levi is helping to train. Some of them you bring by are for specific people: a strawberry shortcake slice for Petra, a blueberry pie for Hange to share with Moblit and Nifa, some shortbread cookies for Nanaba and Miche, or maybe a nice brioche for Erwin. And of course, a special treat for your husband as well, his favorite chocolate cake to have with his tea~

🌻 Levi doesn’t mind you doing all the chores and cleaning around the house because you’re the only person who can keep cleanliness to a level he can stand. Maybe even more so. Clothing and linens are always nicely steamed and pressed, ironed fresh from the laundry and set back neatly. You manage at least one day to deep clean one part of the house while doing daily maintenance on the rest so it doesn’t get overwhelming ever. Silver is polished, the floors are freshly swept and mopped, rooms are dusted and windows are opened to let fresh air move through the house.

🌻 Picking fresh vegetables from your garden and fruits from your orchard. Making dinners with fresh ingredients picked that morning. Or making desserts and pies with fruit picked that afternoon. You even set up a little stall in the market to sell a lot of the over abundance you can’t store. It helps make a little extra money for you both to tuck away if the need be.

🌻 If you have animals as well, getting fresh milk and eggs on the daily. Making your own cheeses and butter. Sitting in the grass out behind your house and watching your small Jersey cow grazing with the goats and sheep and your chickens and ducks putter about, searching for grubs to snack on.

🌻 Of course, you also grow various tea plants. You got very good at creating your own tea blends for your husband, trying different flavors and ingredients together. Sometimes you label the blend something to do with an inside joke between you two. You always bring him a nice tea blend with your baked goods when you visit him when he can’t get away from the base.

🌻 Also having a flower garden where you bring in fresh cut flowers. You make gorgeous bouquets and place them all about your home. In the bedroom, as centerpieces on the dining table, in the bathroom, Levi’s office…they’ve even managed to find a home in Hange’s lab! Though that was more Moblit’s doing, as he asked you for a bouquet to help brighten up Hange’s space.

🌻 And with flowers comes bees and, of course, honey! Making lots of honey to sell at your market stand. Plus, using the wax to make candles or skin care products. Plus the preserves, chutneys and jams you make from the edible flowers in your garden or the fruits from your orchard. Erwin himself has a soft spot for your peach and lilac jams that you make every year and will “pester” Levi every spring to see if you’ve made a new batch.

🌻 Being skilled in sewing so you help fix up Levi’s uniform from time to time or anything else that ends up getting worn. Coming from the Underground, where he didn’t have a lot, Levi is meticulous about his appearance while also wanting to make things last as long as they can. You’re a brilliant seamstress, sometimes dabbling in making your own dresses which you show off to Levi. And when children arrive, that means sewing baby clothes and toy dolls! Not even to mention knitting or crocheting sweaters and blankets!

🌻 Levi being gently woken up to you kissing his face gently. You always wake up first so you can make sure to make him some breakfast before he goes back to the base. Sometimes he’ll tease you and pull you into bed with him, nuzzling your hair and kissing your neck gently. You giggle and smack his shoulder playfully, telling him to get up and as he watches you head out of the bedroom back to the kitchen he seriously wonders what he did and when to deserve you.

🌻 And when Levi comes home? Especially from an expedition where he’s been away for at least a month? He always spots you in the crowd greeting the returning scouts, smiling and waving to him. He goes over to you, scooping you into his arms and holding you tightly. He’ll kiss you gently, holding you close and let you place a flower crown on his head.

🌻 It’s moments like that where he doesn’t care who sees him or if they’re doing too much PDA that would normally embarrass him. All he cares about in that moment is being home, having you in his arms again. You’re safe and your safety is worth all the sacrifices made.

🌻 And when that bump in your belly starts to show more, when it becomes more obvious that you’re with child, with his child, Levi can’t help coming up behind you while you make dinner and wrapping his arms around you. He places his hands on your growing stomach and kisses your neck as you two discuss names for your baby.

🌻 Levi knows that the world outside the Walls is hell. And Levi’s life has been nothing short of a hell itself that would have broken a lesser man. But seeing your smile, watching you peacefully putter about the house and tease him about potential names for your child, Levi smiles gently and knows that he’d do everything in his life the same if it meant getting to have this peace with you.

#levi aot #aot levi #levi snk #snk levi #levi x reader headcanons #levi x y/n #levi x you #levi x oc #levi x reader #Levi Ackerman #levi ackerman x y/n #levi ackerman x oc #levi ackerman headcanons #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman x you #❤️ The Soldier and his Songbird ❤️

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lunaekalenda · 3 years ago

Note

Can you do a Levixfem reader

Where the reader “dies” In his arms on a expedition and he had to leave the body and turns out you were alive but outside the walls and the next expedition they find you. And when that get back in the walls together they get there freak on if you know what I mean😏. Thanks so much!🥰❤️

okay! i’ll try my best <3 ! i hope you like it! <3 it turned out kinda romantic aaaa

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levi x fem!reader

w: death mentions, fake death (?), slight nsfw in the end (really vanilla it's most centered on the feelings :D). No Regrets war flashbacks, some snk spoilers. mention of blood.

“Y/N” Levi’s tears are falling from his face to your skin. Nobody has seen the captain so broken, crying in the middle of an expedition, hugged to your body. He caresses your skin. “Love, please, wake up...” he asks in a whisper, his voice breaking while he keeps crying. “Please.”

Levi feels Erwin’s hand on his shoulder, calling him. “Levi, we have to go!” Erwin says. Levi can’t take his eyes away from your beautiful face, how your closed eyes are never going to shine with that love they always do. Erwin shakes his shoulder harder. “Come on, Levi!!” he yells. Levi takes your body on his arms, but Erwin stops him. “What the hell are you doing?” Levi hugs you closer, tears falling from his eyes again.

“I’m not gonna leave her behind.” He says, his husky tone serious, as if he wanted to say to Erwin that leave you behind isn’t an option. Because you’re only asleep.

Right?

“She’s dead, Levi. Dead. Leave her. We can’t lose you because you’re carrying a body.” Erwin’s words hit him. Dead... Dead is a word Levi hates. Because it is always followed by the name of someone he loves or cares for. His mom. Isabel. Gunter. Petra. You.

“No. She’s...”

“Leave it, Levi. You don’t want more people to die, don’t you?”

That’s true. He needs to be on his full capacities to defend the trope. He looks around, to a place where he can leave your body, knowing the titans will never take it. He easily founds a tree that has a hollow trunk, with a small slot through which it can slide you inside. He leaves you there, along with a bottle of water, in case you’re still alive. He kisses your forehead. “I’ll come back for you, love. I promise.”

···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ···· ····

You wake up inside a tree hours after. You feel dizzy and your head hurts a lot. There’s a little bottle of water near you, and, needing it, you open it fast, drinking. You can hear a man’s voice inside your head. “Drink slowly, dummy. It will make you feel worst.” You don’t know who does that voice belong to, when it sounds so familiar. You can’t also recognize the place, looking through the slot. You’re dressed in your military clothes, and you still have your swords with you. Your light brown jacket is covered in blood. You start to recover some memories. The expedition. The titan that sent you away with his hand. Levi yelling your name.

Levi. Levi.

All your thoughts were back to him. Is he okay? Why did him leave you on a tree? Did something happen to him and he decided to hide you? Maybe he hide you for a moment and never came back?

You’re feeling anxious just with the thought. It has to be a normal reason. He’s okay for sure, and he will be back as soon as possible.

“No” Erwin’s voice is clear. Levi clicks his tongue again.

“I have to go back for her...”

“Levi, there’s nothing you can do for her now.” Hange says. Even when them wanted to accompany Levi -they were sure they could capture some good titans.- They didn’t want to disobey the Commander. “We wont make another expedition just for a body. I know it hurts, but let it go.”

“Fine. I’ll go by myself.” he says, getting up. “I don’t need anyone to go to the nearest fucking tree and come back.” He leaves the office, slamming the door. Erwin sighs.

“Hange, tell the 104 Special Squad to accompany their captain.”

It was afternoon when Levi was prepared to leave, but he found his squad on the wall’s door.

“What are you all doing here? Go back training, brats.” he says, getting on his horse.

“The Commander told us to accompany you, Captain.” Jean says, adjusting his jacket.

“We’re here to help you, to bring her back inside.” Eren smiles softly. That words make Levi change his opinion. He sighs.

“Be careful and don’t leave my side, right?” They part towards the door, and they leave. The camp is quiet after the extermination of the day before. Connie looks around.

“Do you think we will find her alive?” he asks in a whisper. Levi hears that, but he ignores it. Even when he knows it’s almost impossible to find you alive. They walk silently towards the tree where he left you. He runs quickly, leaving his horse with the squad, as they keep a distance. In part, because they want to pay respect.

Levi’s heart breaks when he sees the empty trunk. There’s nothing inside, even the bottle isn’t there. He made sure to leave you somewhere they couldn’t find, but they did anyway. They found you. They didn’t let him say goodbye to you.

Levi kneels in front of the tree, tears running down his face again. He wants to be strong, but he can’t. He has lost you. The most important person in his life.

You drink again before putting the bottle near the river, taking more water. You stand up with difficulty and walk towards the tree slowly, giving secure steps. You’re feeling dizzy yet, but you needed to drink. You know Levi will came back for you, and that’s why you walk back to your hiding place. You see horses when you’re getting closer. Horses and brown jackets. And, when you’re just a couple steps far from them, you see him, kneeled in front of your tree.

“Levi...” you whisper. He’s alive and he’s there. He came back for you. “Levi.” you say, stronger. Jean and Eren turn around. They see you, covered in blood and pale, but alive. Jean runs towards you and he helps you to walk. “Levi.” That’s the only thing you can say.

Levi is used to listen to his loved ones voices once they had left this world. That’s why hearing you whispering his name isn’t something new for him.

“Captain!” Instead, Eren’s voice sounds clear. “We found her!” the smile can be heard on his voice. Levi wants to kick his ass for joking in a moment like this, but he faces you when he turns around. As beautiful as always, you’re supported by Eren and Jean, and they are making sure you’re not falling. Levi stands up as fast as he can, and he hugs you. You can feel his tears on your shoulder as he feels yours on his. He caresses your hair quietly, hugging your body stronger against his. “You’re here.” he whispers. You nod, sobbing. You have missed him, you have feared for him.

“You’re okay.” you say. He answers you with a kiss on your hair.

“I’m sorry, love. They made me leave you here. I knew it was bad, but I... I.” his sobs doesn’t let him talk. You caress his back, trying to calm him.

“It’s fine.” You whisper. After a couple minutes trying to calm each other, Sasha talks.

“Why don’t we resume this beautiful moment inside the walls? I don’t want to end being wedding catering for a titan.” They all nod. Levi helps you to get on top of his horse, and he sits behind you. There, caged between his arms and feeling his heartbeat against your back, you feel safe again.

“I’m sorry.” he says. The doctor has just left the room, saying that you only injured a little bit your leg and your head is healing well. You’re on Levi’s bed, the one you usually sleep on. He sits near you and kisses your forehead. “I’m sorry for leaving you behind.” he says. He thought that, once you knew he left your body there, you would be mad.

“We’re soldiers, Levi.” you say. “Sadly, we can’t take all the bodies with us. Sometimes we have to sacrifice for the others.” you say. You understand Erwin’s decision and Levi’s pressure. You’re soldiers, after all.

Levi combs a lock of your hair with his fingers, softly. “I was so scared... I couldn’t close an eye during the night. I only could think about you.” he says. You smile softly at him. “I was terrified.” You attract him towards your body, hugging him. “I’m sorry, love, I’m so sorry...” you try to calm him with caresses and sweet kisses in his head. “I feel like you’re an illusion, that you’re just a product of my imagination playing with me.” he says. He takes his head out of your chest. “Maybe I lost you and that’s why you’re here? To comfort me?”

You take his hand, sneaking it into your t-shirt, placing it near your heart. His eyes shot open when he feels your pulse against his palm. “I’m here. And I’m real, Levi. I’m the Y/N you always hug. I’m the same. I’m alive.”

His lips search yours in a kiss. He wants more proofs. He wants to make sure you won't disappear when he blinks. He needs to make sure. His hand is still in your shirt, but he isn't searching more. He needs to know you want the same, that you feel good enough. He feels your hands attracting him closer, pulling by the neck of his shirt. He sighs.

Kisses and mixed breaths. He looks at you when you part for air, his chest rising fast, his hands playing with the end of the t-shirt you're wearing. His eyes looking at yours, asking for permission. You nod quietly, looking at him in the eyes, making sure he understands you want this. His hands take off your shirt, admiring every single scar on your body, every mole and every birthmark. Making sure every one of them is in the same place it was, that your body is still the same he remembers. That they are all your little details he loves to admire.

For your surprise, he leans on and kisses every one of them. Every single thing that makes your skin special. You blush at it, but he doesn't care. He's showing without words how much he adores you, how much he cares for you. The affection and love behind every kiss is overwhelming. Your hands are fast unbuttoning his white shirt. He lets the fabric slide down his shoulders once you're done. Feeling his skin against yours is one of your favorite sensations.

There aren't too many words while he keeps kissing every inch of your body, taking away the fabrics that obstacle him. You can only think of him, of how cold his skin is, how good he feels and how much you've missed him, even for just a day. Because when you didn't know how he was, it felt like whole centuries. He lets out a sigh when he gets under the sheets with you, being careful to not cause you pain, standing on his arms on top of you. He smiles, a true smile when you tangle your fingers with his. His grey eyes have a mix of a lot of feelings: love, apology, desire, happiness... they're like storms. You feel his tender touch on your thighs, guiding them. You follow his movements, obeying him.

"Take advantage because I won't be so obedient next time." you joke. He chuckes quietly, and it warms your heart. He smiles so widely after that... You feel so good just watching him. He takes a hand down, fingers probing down your body, making sure you're ready. He chuckles again when your amused expression changes after a single finger touch.

His name comes out of your mouth like a praise. When he touches you, when he buries in you, when he quietly kisses you. You mind and body has his name tattooed while he sets a pace against you, slow but intense. Levi's low praises make your body search him more desperately. When his pace starts to fail and his hips move without any patron against yours, you let out his name again.

"Say it again." he asks. Hearing your name come that easily from your lips makes it even more real. More intimate. "Please." his voice isn't more than a low whisper now, mixed with sighs. He smiles when you say his name again, pushing against you a last time. He lets his head rest on your chest, your quick heartbeat against his ears. He tries to calm his breath. "I love you. I love you so much." he says. "I'll never leave you behind."

You smile, your fingers running through his hair with tenderness. "I know. I know, Levi." you whisper. His eyes feel heavy after the nervous night he passed yesterday, so he acomodates himself by your side, his bare body near yours. You feel his lips on your shoulder.

"And thanks for always coming back for me, no matter what"

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laulink · 2 years ago

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U played 3hopes yet...? SPOILERS IF U HAVNT. Geez the BEs really dont have a good day on AG huh. They seem utterly miserable when recruited except for maybe petra but well the lady has to move on for brigid. As compared to recruiting BLs to SB, recruitment on AG really is only about survival? Ashe and Mercedes are miserable on SB but at least they have Lonato & Jeritza. Dorothea has 0 supports with BLs. Bernie stays in her room. Linhardt is sick and tired. Does the kingdom even care abt Brigid?

I played SB but not AG, though I did hear a few things from it (I'm not looking for spoilers but I don't mind them either).

Yeah, the BE really only join for survival in AG from what I've seen, while recruitments in SB are always about playing on heartstrings a little. I think that's because, weirdly enough, not being at Garreg Mach for a full year has allowed Edelgard to grow closer to her friends because she didn't have to lie to them, distance herself from them and betray them after a full year of companionship, while the BL, as you would expect, are not very close because they've barely spent any time together (aside from the Faerghus Four and Dedue). The BL also had no reason to work together more than your average King and Lords/Knights for two years while the BE were enlisted by Edelgard/their fathers to help prepare the upcoming war, therefore allowing them to grow closer as friends, like they would have at Garreg Mach (more or less), but without the betrayal at the end.

So when you get into the war, the only reason the BL fight are out of loyalty to their King/country while the BE, on the other hand, having been aware of what would happen from the start and being allowed by Edelgard to back out of it whenever they wanted, go into this conflict with firm beliefs and convictions (that Edelgard's reforms are necessary, that she's the only kind of ruler that will try to understand them and their needs and take care of them, etc). To recruit a BL, you just need to give them something they value more than their loyalty to distant, barely-talked-to-them-twice Dimitri, and for Ashe and Mercedes it's not too hard to find that ; if you want to recruit a BE, however, you'll be hard pressed to find anyone or anything in the Kingdom or Dimitri's beliefs that they relate to more than Edelgard's views and dreams for Fodlan, so the only way to get them to leave the Imperial Army is to tell them "either you join me and live or you die". And the Empire and Edelgard have never been nearly as obsessed with loyalty and nationalism as the Kingdom, so of course the BE value their lives more than the "honour" of dying for their ruler.

On top of that, Edelgard is a ruler who values individuals, their specific qualities and dreams, even if she's not particularly close to them (re : Lord Lonato and her being bothered at his death in Houses even though he wasn't a lord of the Empire) and who will never kill anyone or want them dead if she doesn't absolutely has to (not even Rhea) ; Dimitri, on the other hand, despite believing that his officers and friends deserve to live and disliking injustice... well, really doesn't mind killing people even if there are other options available (purging the western nobles instead of putting them on trial and in jail) and has a bit of a tendency to detach himself from what happens to his allies if they're not people he personally cares about (re : Lord Lonato in Houses and how Dimitri didn't try to empathise with him, even though he was a lord of the Kingdom). So when a BL joins the Empire, sure, they're bummed out about being a traitor and having to fight their friends, but at least they're welcome with open arms by a ruler who sees them as more than simple pawns, someone who tries to empathise with them and will want to bring them in the inner circle and listen to their opinions, while when a BE joins the Kingdom's army, they're feeling bad about fighting their friends, about fighting against the ideals they want to defend, and they are faced with a ruler who sees them as assets to use in his army, but whose ideas he won't ask for and that he won't mourn if they are killed.

So yeah, that's a bit of a bummer for the BE. I don't know how things are in GW when you recruit the BE, but Claude is more similar to Edelgard, in his beliefs and the way he interacts with his officers, than Dimitri, so I expect the BE have an easier time adjusting to being in the Alliance than the Kingdom.

(On Brigid specifically, Dimitri doesn't seem to have any interest in it one way or another and would probably be easy to convince to give them their independance, but still, Edelgard gave Petra her blessing to surrender and has already promised that Brigid would be an equal to the Empire/Fodlan, so while Petra has to push through for her homeland, there's no doubt she's aware that things would be smoother/easier if she had to deal with Edelgard instead of Dimitri, if only because Brigid has only ever been the Empire's vassal state, never the Kingdom, so Edelgard is bound to know more about it than Dimitri)

#fire emblem three hopes #edelgard von hresvelg #dimitri alexandre blayddid #black eagles #blue lions #analysis

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erwinsvow · 4 years ago

Text

𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐬𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞.

summary: he wasn't always alone. in fact, there was a time when levi had you.

warnings: angst, fluff, mentions/description of injury and patching up, levi needs sleep

author's note: been in the works for a while because i couldn't figure out what i wanted to do, but this takes place after levi & zeke's conversation and there will be an angsty part two, i hope everyone likes it! it doesn't really make much sense but bear with me :)

listening to: don't let me go

“I bet you’re not popular with the ladies. Don’t act like you know about someone’s feelings.”

He pauses, feeling his heart skip a beat.

“I know. And I was… popular enough.”

He lets his mind take him back, back a time before everything in the world was so messed up. When he knew what his responsibilities were, and when there were clear orders to follow. He can’t seem to recall when everything went straight to shit. It feels like it’s been a long time coming.

He knew he was screwed years ago, when he was trying to stitch up the deep gash on his shoulder by himself, sitting in his quarters with a bowl of warm water and bloody bandages. You had been helping the others, a traumatized recruit with a concussion and broken leg, courtesy of the fifteen meter that had overwhelmed him.

There were a few others too, especially a familiar face that seemingly always needed your assistance after a mission. He wondered just how many times the boy—because that’s all he is, a boy, and that’s all you are, a girl—could get away with the same old ruse.

Regardless, he wouldn’t be visiting you tonight. Never mind that the cut he’s trying to nurse by himself is nearly impossible to properly reach, and that he feels dizzy from consistent bleeding and lack of energy in his body. The alcohol he ingested to calm his nerves doesn’t really do anything, either, since there isn’t nearly enough of the stuff in his room to actually have an impact.

He’s going to crash soon, he knows, and even though sleep always evades him, he just wanted to get this wrapped up and lay down without making a bloody mess everywhere. He releases a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding. The very thought of you is enough to tense up every muscle in his body, and the idea of you being alone with that idiotic, improper recruit makes his fist tighten around the needle. Sewing himself up tonight is a lost cause. He finally decides a bandage, no matter how bloody it might become, will have to do.

He stands up, slowly because he doesn’t want to pass out from a head rush, when there’s a knock on the door. He groans a little too loudly at the sound of it. He doesn’t feel like talking to anyone tonight, especially in this condition, wearing a torn scrap of a shirt and blood trapped underneath his nails.

“Who is it?” he calls out harshly, wondering if maybe they’ll just leave if he sounds scary. The other scouts knew he didn’t like to be bothered, and wouldn’t have come unless there was an emergency. If it was Hange she would have barged in already, and he would have recognized Erwin’s heavy footsteps from down the hall. No, he knows who it is. He just wishes that he’s wrong.

“It- It’s me. Petra said you were hurt earlier and that it looked bad. I just wanted to make sure it was okay…” Your soft, hesitant voice trails off, and he knows how much courage it took for you to knock on his door.

What he doesn’t know is that there was no way you were falling asleep tonight without making sure Levi was okay, no matter how angry he would get at you for bothering him at night.

You’re bracing for that reaction when the door opens, but when your wide eyes meet his tired grey ones, you feel yourself melt and all the words in your head disappear. There’s only one fragment of a thought left, the fact that Levi’s bleeding, and a lot, at that. You don’t even wait for his permission to step inside, suddenly energized by anger and mumbling to yourself as you set down your supplies and rummage through them.

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?” he questions quietly. He tries to line his voice with steel like he always does, but the facade is fading with every passing minute.

“I have to clean out your wound, captain, before something festers. If you had told me about this, say, right when we got back, it would have been fine by now, but now I have to rush because you’re too proud to ask for help-” You still and silence yourself.

It was out of line to enter without permission, but this is something else all together. Caring too much is one thing, you know, but insubordination is not tolerated, especially not by Levi.

You pick up a clean needle and thin silk thread that you need to patch up the wound, while searching for the jar of boiled water you need to clean it out first. Alcohol would work too, and you can smell it in the air, but you can’t find the words to ask for it.

Levi’s hands are unusually still, you know because you always notice them, and it’s a stark contrast to the way you’re shaking right now. It’s strange, because you stitched up a handful of others earlier today, and you were completely fine. Even Gunther, who you had always thought was handsome and could make you blush with an off-hand smile, never incited this kind of reaction from you.

You’re silently praying that Levi doesn’t comment on the tremor, but since you’re about to dig a sharp point into his shoulder to tie the skin back together, it would be idiotic if he didn’t say something. You turn to look at him, but it feels like he’s not even there.

His head is hanging down, propped up by the single functional arm, as the other one continues to bleed. You know it’s painful and that he should be saying something, something that makes you stutter and stumble over your words like he always makes you, but he’s just silent.

“Well, get on with it then. If that’s really why you came here this late.” His voice makes you tremble even harder.

There’s so much you try hard at. You try to be the best soldier you can be, even though both you and your superiors know you weren’t meant for this. Sometimes you can fool your fellow soldiers, and the handful of people you can call your friends, and with a few years under your belt, it seems like it’s getting easier to live this life. But you know deep down that it’s not. The one person who always sees right through it is Levi, though.

It’s part of the reason why you’re such a damn mess around him, because there’s no reason to present a false veneer if he knows the truth. You’re not a real soldier, not a real fighter, and you’re more useful as a medic stitching people up than anything else.

And yet, it’s always him who saves you. Him, who makes sure that any threat in between you and the scout you’re trying to rescue from the brink of death is eliminated. Him, that keeps one eye on the target and one eye on your back just in case. And every time, every goddamn time you need to be rescued, he rescues you.

But now, with his head hanging low and any semblance of not knowing why he always saves you gone, it feels your chance to repay him has finally arrived. The shaking stops when you go to sit down near him. Maybe it’s the sudden rush of energy in your body, but you find yourself unbuttoning his shirt to remove whatever remains of the cloth.

His body tenses further, but he doesn’t stop you, and he doesn’t say anything. You’re as gentle and careful as you can be, and once you’re successful, you drop the mangled shirt on the floor. Taking the water, you pour it over the wound as Levi releases a soft hiss at the feeling, for which you’re apologizing before you can even realize the words have left your mouth. He doesn’t say anything, but his shoulder relaxing encourages you to keep going.

You take your time, trying to clean off all the blood you can. You think he’ll protest when you pick up his hands, and wash those too, but he doesn’t. It’s not until you run your own hand over his softly, squeezing the top of it because you don’t have any words to express the thoughts going through your mind, that he finally speaks up.

“Thank you.”

It’s so quiet, you could swear that you had imagined it. He doesn’t look up to meet your eyes like you wish he would, but a smile forces its way onto your face regardless. You focus on the hard part now; stitching up your captain and making sure your work doesn’t leave him with any scars. You focus on your technique, fingers working nimbly and mind focused on this, and for a short time, it doesn’t feel like you’re with your captain, your superior. It just feels like being there with Levi.

All the while, his brain is working overtime to figure out why you’re like this. Why you’re treating him so carefully and gently, when you have no reason to. He doesn’t pick favorites, and even if he did, you wouldn’t be anywhere near that list. You’re not the fastest, you’re not the most lethal, and in fact, he could count on one hand your titan kills and assists. You help people. You save people. But most of the time, you’re just recovering a half-dead soldier so that their body can be buried at home and not forced to remain out there, alone. You’re just there so that parents can have a grave to mourn at, instead of an empty tomb.

He doesn’t treat you better than anyone else, and most of the time assigns you more cleaning duties than the others. You always take it and never complain, something else that he always wonders about. He had come to the conclusion it was because he’s saved your life countless times, and the fact that he isn’t going to let up soon. So you take everything he gives you with a polite smile. And for some goddamn reason, he can’t get that smile out of his head, no matter how hard he tries. You don’t even know how you make him feel; like he’s special and that he deserves these attentions.

A particularly painful turn of the needle makes him flinch, and brings him back to reality. You’re apologizing again, murmuring how you’re almost done, but he doesn’t want you to leave yet. He lets his mind flicker over how you’re always apologizing, and how much he just wants to tell you that you don’t have to, not for anything. Not for having to come and save you, not for stitching him up, not for trying to fix him.

You let out a sharp breath once you finish, getting back up to fetch a dressing, but his hand grabs yours before you can get too far. Levi looks up, grey eyes full of an emotion you can’t exactly pinpoint, one you have never seen before from him.

“Will you stay a little longer?” And just like that, everything in the world seems to fall into place.

“Of course. Let me just wrap it up, first. I’ll stay as long as you want.” You’re surprised at yourself for finding the words so quickly, because your heart has never pounded so fast in your life. You fumble around, trying to find the right thing, hands shaking again, and you can’t seem to get them to stop.

You go back to Levi, wrapping the cloth around his shoulder and securing it around his arm, suddenly hyper aware of the feel of his skin. It’s softer than you had imagined it would be. Both of you sit in the silence for a while, your hand finding a place over his and rubbing soft circles on his knuckles with your thumb.

You want to say something, anything, but there aren’t any words that seem right. His fingers deftly work their way around yours, and you honestly wonder if he can hear your heartbeat or the blood rushing to your cheeks. It’s past midnight now, and you have a feeling dawn will be approaching before long.

“You should really sleep now. It won’t get better until you rest a little.” You’re speaking because his actions gave you a little bit of confidence, but he interprets it wrong almost immediately.

“Of course. You’d like to go now?”

“N-no! No, I just thought that, that you would be tired now. I can go if you want, I-”

“I don’t get much sleep anyways.” He doesn’t even mean to sound so dejected, but it comes out before he can stop himself. He’s spent too, too many nights laying awake, sleep ever-evading him, wondering how it might be to sleep besides you. Would he get some rest? Would he be able to close his eyes and not open them an hour later with a pounding chest? He can’t remember the last time he was able to fall asleep, and stay asleep. You don’t make any movement to get away, and he notices your hand twitch and wonders why.

You have to fight yourself internally to keep your hand down, and not wrap your arms around your captain as you process his words. Your heart feels strangely heavy at the thought of Levi laying awake, all alone, exhausted but unable to succumb to the ease of rest. He’s on guard, all the time, every minute of every day, and half the time he’s expending his energy on saving you.

You’re not confident, like some of the others. You never have been. But in this moment, you feel something rushing into your body and coursing through your veins, something close to confidence but slightly different. The feeling makes you release Levi’s hand and shed your sweater, and crawl into his bed. It’s almost exactly as you expected, and not nearly as soft or warm as your own. But you think about Levi sleeping soundly beside you, him peaceful and content, and it doesn’t matter how comfortable his bed is. You just want him to fall asleep.

He looks at you with a mix of emotions, surprise being mixed in with them. He hadn’t been expecting that, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t appreciate it.

You’re sitting under the covers now, waiting expectedly for something. A part of you fears that this wasn’t what he meant, or wanted, but your racing heart calms down a little at the sight of him coming in to get settled beside you. He releases a sigh when his shoulder hits the mattress, at ease finally, and so exhausted that every muscle in his body is about to give out.

He sleeps on his back, you note, before shifting your gaze to the ceiling quickly. You certainly don’t want him to notice that you’re staring, or that you keep fingering the soft sheets between your fingers to remind yourself this is real and really happening.

“Stop fidgeting.” His voice is quiet, and even, and stills you instantly. You finally lift your head to look at him, letting out a breath at how he looks. Eyes closed, almost peaceful, laying on his back with his hand resting right near you.

You’re not sure if it’s the confidence from earlier, or something new entirely, but you adjust the sheets to cover him more, pulling them and letting them rest on his chest. He doesn’t open his eyes, but you notice the way he jerks a little at the motion.

“Sorry, Levi,” you whisper, trying to remain as quiet as possible. You lay your hand on top of his, intertwining your fingers and letting your own eyes close. You can hear his every breath, the scent of his skin taking over and clouding your mind as every sense slowly focused on one thing; him. “Let’s sleep now.”

#this is probably the first thing i've posted that is in canon and it makes no sense but i really liked writing this #me: i wanna write dark content #also me: writes angst with fluff and calls it a day #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman imagine #attack on titan #aot #levi x reader #shingeki no kyojin

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biggest-stupidhead · 4 years ago

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more modern au levi x reader!! is it okay where reader makes petra jealous???

Just a reminder: WE DO NOT CONDONE PETRA SLANDER IN THIS HOUSE!!!

with that said, I will write this heavily focused on Petra to make it a lil angsty, hope you enjoy!

Summary: Petra watches her ex fall for another

Word Count: 1.7K

It had been two long years since Petra and Levi ended things. It wasn’t messy but it was painful, she had seen it coming from a mile away. He had grown just as distant as he had been when they first met. Staying late at work, texting her dryly, and using terrible excuses. Although she had known it was coming, she still was a wreck when he actually ended things. She spent the months following the break up drinking wine and crashing at Oluo’s place regularly. After two years she was finally feeling better, dare she say, ready to get back into the dating scene? Or at least that’s what she thought, she was scrolling through her instagram feed when she stumbled across Hange’s page. It was someone’s birthday, someone she wasn’t familiar with.

A woman with bight eyes and an even brighter smile was in the center of the group photo. On her right was Levi, who had an arm thrown casually over her shoulder, the faintest trace of a smile on his lips. Petra pinched the screen to zoom into Levi’s side, where she saw a feminine hand on his waist. She stared stupidly at the image. She shouldn’t feel jealous, she had no right. It had been two long years since the break up. But the picture only dredged up old memories of times when she would hold Levi that same way. When that smile was directed to her. She then turned her attention to the caption, which read:

Happy Birthday (Y/n)! 24 never looked so good!

She then scrolled through the comments, many of them consisted of birthday wishes and support. She lost interest when she didn’t see Levi’s username and instead went back to the collection of photos, three of them in all. The group one that she assumed had just been taken, the second one was a picture of Hange and you on the beach, Petra felt a involuntary wave of self consciousness wash over her at the site of you in a swim suite. The final picture was the one that hurt the most though, it seemed to be a very old picture of you, maybe from your early years in college? You were sitting on a couch with younger versions of Hange, Erwin, Levi, and Moblit. Levi’s arm was casually thrown over your shoulders. Why had he never mentioned you before? Were you the reason that they broke up? No Levi had assured her that it wasn’t like that, said he wasn’t seeing anyone else. She tried to stop herself from going down that rabbit hole, but she couldn’t seem to. Before she really knew what she was doing, she had clicked on your profile which she was almost disappointed to find as public. This meant that there was nothing stopping her from judging every perfect image that was posted, and to her pleasant surprise, there was only one photo of you and Levi. The photo was posted the week prior, the two of you were hiking in the mountains, the dusty trial behind you. Your face was flushed from the exertion of the climb, Levi seemed cool as a cucumber, his face blank and void of emotion. She scrolled through the post and found a video, the sound of your shoes crunching and Levi talking behind you were clear as day.

“I mean come on, who uses fucking Lipton? Have some god damn class.” Levi spat, as you snorted in amusement. Petra found herself chuckling along with you at Levi’s little rant. She felt a rogue tear slide down her cheek when you showed the phone to Levi, who’s face fell from being mildly animated to apathetic once more. You cackled as he swiped the phone and the video ended abruptly. It was so innocent, it was clear from the rest of your page that you were a private person, much like Levi. With little indication that you were dating him, it left her wanting to know more. More about the girl that had taken her place, had managed to worm her way into Levi’s heart of stone and make herself comfortable. As soon as these thoughts crowded into her head, she deleted instagram all together and powered her phone down, determined to wipe her memory of the images she had seen.

The music was a nice distraction from the awkwardness that hung in the air. You had arrived uncharacteristically early to Hange’s party, and consequently meeting a whole group of people that you had never met before. The new people were about your age, three young men and one stunning young woman. It was early fall and Hange’s annual bonfire bash as you all had dubbed the event. Basically you lit a massive fire, when you were younger it was your past assignments from your pervious school year, then it became just regular old wood. You tapped your finger against the cool beer bottle as you leaned up against the counter, the men were laughing obnoxiously as they dropped the alcohol that they’d brought into one of the many coolers. The woman was looking at you almost nervously, she seemed extremely on edge, shifting her weight back and forth, eyes wandering around the room in a jittery manner. You frowned, wondering what was bothering her, but ultimately deciding that it was not really your business. Erwin shimmied behind you, his hands on your shoulders as he slide past you into the kitchen. You caught his arm, clinging to his familiar presence.

“Erwin.” you hissed as he stooped to reach your level.

“Who are these people?” you asked as you held his bicep firmly in your grasp. He pulled away and looked at you with a confused expression.

“You mean Levi didn’t tell you?” He said slowly, clearly he was unsure if it was his place to speak on the relationship between Levi and these people.

“No....” You said carefully, not wanting to make Erwin uncomfortable.

“Oh well they used to work in the same department before Levi switched.” He said, he looked over to the men and motioned for them to come over, they ambled over with curious expressions.

“What’s up Erwin?” the dark haired man asked as he looked between the two of you.

“Just thought I’d ought to introduce you to (Y/n) here, she’s an old friend of ours from high school.” Erwin explained, his hand still comfortingly placed on your mid back. You waved shyly and smiled at all of them, including the girl.

“Pleasure to meet you.” The blonde with a ponytail said, outstretching his hand to shake yours.

“I’m Eld, this is Gunther, Oluo, and that fine young lady over there is Petra.” He said, pointing at all of them respectively.

“It’s so nice to meet you guys!” you said sweetly as you struck up a conversation with Oluo about what they thought about the department that they worked in. It didn’t go unnoticed that Petra remained nearly silent, her amber eyes wide and a bit fearful. When the interns arrived, the men were quick to go help them carry in the alcohol that they brought, leaving you and Petra alone in the kitchen. You cocked your head at her as you poured some pretzels into a large bowl. The warm glow of the setting sun cast a halo over her head and you couldn’t help but voice your admiration for her.

“You’re really pretty.” you gushed as she blushed at your words and turned to look at you with wide eyes.

“So are you...” She returned the compliment and you smiled, feeling more at ease now that the two of you were alone.

“So how long have you known Hange?” You asked conversationally as you crumpled up the bag and tossed it into the trash.

“Hm let’s see...about four years now?” She responded with a bit of a wistful tone.

“Really? I’m surprised we haven’t met sooner!” you chuckled as the two of you opened a bottle of wine and poured it into two large glasses. The two of you strolled out into the bark yard, where Hange and Moblit were chucking large pallets of wood onto the fire pit. You and Petra sat down in two lawn chairs watching as Hange and Moblit bickered over if it was safe enough to light the fire with gasoline.

“I am too, you seem....like a really nice girl.” Petra said a bit downcast as she looked deeply into her wine.

“So do you! We should grab breakfast ooo or maybe even brunch sometime!” You said excitedly and Petra sat there in awe, wondering if there was even a mean bone in your body. Or if you had any clue that she had dated Levi.

“Yeah...this is kind of random but...are you dating Levi?” She blurted out, her face turning to look at you with a flushed expression. You nodded nonchalantly and took another sip of your wine.

“Yeah we just started dating about a year ago.” You said with a shrug, Petra inhaled, readying herself for the next words that would either make or break the future relationship between the two of you.

“Did...you know we dated?” she said, cringing when the words left her mouth. She sounded crazy and she knew it, but she felt obligated to clear the air between you before it got bad.

“Hm I think he mentioned it once or twice, and Hange told me about you when you first started dating.” You said looking up thoughtfully, your tone held no malice or any sign of ill will.

“You’re not...”

“Insecure? Nah, and don’t take that like I’m being cocky! I just mean that...”

“No, no let’s just not do this. I’m sorry for bringing it up. God I’m such a bitch.” Petra went to stand and you followed her, catching her wrist.

“It’s alright really, I don’t care about what happened between you and Levi. It’s frankly none of my business, I just...wanna be friends with you.” you smiled at her sheepishly as she looked at you with wide eyes.

“Oh” She managed to say dumbly.

“That is if you want to be friends.” You said, letting go of her hand and giving her some space.

“Yeah...I think that I’d like that very much.” Petra said with a bright smile.

In honor of Women’s History month, I couldn’t bare to write something that was a stereotypical jealous ex, so I did the next best thing and wrote this more geared towards the reader and Petra bringing each other up instead of tearing one another down. As someone who was apart of the fandom back in like 2014 I am way too familiar with writers turning Petra into a psycho bitch, and I don’t like that. SO I hope that this is good enough to fit the prompt!

#levi x reader #levi x y/n #levi x you #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman #jealous petra ral #modern au #erwin smith #hange zoe #moblit #aot fanfiction #aot fandom #light angst #fluff #women supporting women #no petra slander allowed #womens history month

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thetargaryenbride · 4 years ago

Text

A break [Levi x Fem!Reader]

Requested by: @emmaandemmal Hi, I love your works! Can I request one where Levi and his fem s/o have been a couple since before they were captured by the scouts in the underground? After the deaths of Isabel and Farlan, the reader tries to convince Levi to leave the scouts with her to go and live together in a safer place, but he refuses saying that he believes in Erwin's vision of the scouts and the two begin to fight badly. The reader eventually stays in the scouts because she doesn't want to leave without him, but the relationship between Levi and the reader is getting colder and more detached. The reader begins to think that Levi is no longer interested in her after noticing his growing friendship with Petra and she decides to leave the scouts thinking it's the best decision for her and for Levi. When Levi finds out, he tries to find her, but without success. Only a few years later, he catches a glimpse of her in the crowd after the scouts have returned from an expedition and he follows her. Once they arrive at the reader's house, she and Levi make up and the reader claims that she has been selfish in the past and that she would like to return to the scouts to fight against the titans and to claim the deaths of Isabel and Farlan. Eventually the reader and Levi resume their relationship and Levi promises her that nothing would separate them again. I'm really sorry that it's so long, if you consider this idea feel free to modify it as you wish. Sorry for my English too... it’s not very good. Thank you so much, you're one of the best Levi writers I know! ❤️

I’m sorry for the delay, dear. I was struggling with a mini writer’s block and was focusing more on art but I’m slowly getting back on track! Thank you so much for the request and thank you for your kind words. This really means a lot to me! As far as modifying goes, the only thing I modified is the timeskip. Instead of a few years, I made it one year. I hope you don’t mind ^^

Words: 4.5K

Warnings: Very Brief mention of suicide, prostitution and self-harm

Hope you like it ❤️ Feedback is deeply appreciated! ^^

Also, if Levi seems OOC, please feel free to correct me~ I accept constructive criticism ^^

* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° . *

You were arguing.

You never argued.

But the situation that had befallen you made you feel all sort of ways and neither of you knew how to express those emotions, that stress, which is why it had slowly turned into a fight.

“You shouldn’t have agreed! We have no idea how the world above works! We’re going to fuck up, Levi,” you raised your voice, hands clenching into fists by your sides, levels of anger rising at Levi’s indifference at the situation. You knew that it was only a façade and that deep down Levi wasn’t indifferent. You knew he was probably worried just as much as you were. But right now you were so scared and you wanted him to just show some more emotion, fight back, shower you with words of reassurance, hug you…anything…not just stand with crossed arms, staring at you.

“So what, I should’ve let the bushy eyebrowed bastard send us in prison?” he raised an eyebrow as if challenging you to give him a good reason for your big distaste of joining the Survey Corpse. He couldn’t understand why you had exploded like that when he had agreed. It was the perfect opportunity for the fulfillment of your mission…Not that you had been very accepting of the mission either. Your paranoia and distrust always clawed at you, many a time ripping any semblance of reason and logic. But he couldn’t’ exactly blame you. He was similar in a way. He supposed that this is what living in the Underground did to you.

Living?

No. More like struggling, digging in the mud, to survive.

And the two of you had been doing this since you were kids.

“I’d rather rot in a prison cell than a titan’s stomach. And since when do you trust nobles anyways? It’s mostly because of them that we all fester here in this dump,” you spat out and he pinched the bridge of his nose, letting out a sigh.

“If you are so against this mission, why are you even joining?” he shot back and you choked on whatever words you had the intention of spilling.

You took a deep breath as you slumped next to him on the couch, body completely slacking in defeat as your anger simmered down a bit.

“Do you even have to ask me that?” you muttered as you stared at the ceiling, the hands in your lap fiddling with your fingers. “It’s because I would never turn my back on my family…on you,” you murmured as you straightened up and turned to face him. “Even if it’s the stupidest decision which would probably result in something shitty, I’ll still stick with you. You are all I have…I love you,” you timidly uttered the last words, casting your eyes downwards as a slight blush spread over your cheeks. The man sighed before his hands went to grab yours, successfully stopping your fiddling and wringing, squeezing them reassuringly.

“Look at me,” he ushered you gently yet firmly and you lifted your head, locking eyes with his. “We’ll be fine.”

You let out another sigh before you leaned, letting his arms encircle your form as he rested his chin on the top of your head.

“I pray that you’re right,” you whispered and just when you thought you could have a moment of peace, Farlan entered the room with a constipated expression. You couldn’t blame him. You were all beaten and battered by the soldiers and your ego was bruised, even though you let them capture you. And now they were all standing in your home or surrounding it while you packed the little of your belongings, breathing down your neck.

It was suffocating.

“We’ve packed everything. It’s time to go.”

* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° . *

You wanted to blame him.

You wanted to tell him – “I told you so.”

But that wouldn’t bring back Farlan and Isabel.

It wouldn’t stitch back their ripped bodies.

They were gone and the only thing you could blame was this world.

Because it was so cruel.

And the only beauty you found in it was your love for Levi and his love for you.

He had no fault. Nobody knew that things would turn out like this. That fate would decide to cackle in your faces.

The two of you stuck together like glue more than ever after that day. You even went as far as to disregard rules as you would sneak into the men’s barracks just to sleep with him because he was the only one who managed to chase away the nightmares and wipe your tears. And you knew, even without him saying it directly, that you were the only one who could comfort him when he was feeling the burden of the world crushing his shoulders. And Farlan and Isabel’s deaths really did feel like the whole world just crumbled on top of you two. The only difference was that you were more prone to emotions and didn’t find such a difficulty at expressing them unlike Levi who preferred to bottle everything inside, feign indifference and coldness and find toxic coping mechanisms like not sleeping which as time passed shaped into the ugly form of his insomnia, despite all the scolding you’ve done.

Time passed. The first weeks after Isabel and Farlan’s deaths, you had been inseparable. But that slowly began to change after the date of the next expedition was announced. Your paranoia spiked up one night after you had tried suppressing it for days and that resulted in a breakdown.

You wanted out.

You wanted to leave the Scouts.

You had even gone as far as to talk to Erwin and the Commander, literally begging them to help you with the citizenship matters and let you and Levi leave. But of course, they refused and Erwin even went to speak to Levi about this, not knowing that the man had no idea about your plans and wishes.

Levi was angry that you did something like that behind his back. He understood your fear. He understood very well because he was afraid too. He was afraid that he was going to lose you too – the only person he had left. But he didn’t appreciate that you hadn’t been straightforward with him regarding such a serious matter, only revealing everything you have done and felt at the heat of the moment.

“I’ve been dreaming about this since I was a little girl, hiding in the wardrobe, listening how man after man would use my mother every night. Dreaming about a life, safely tucked in the corner of the world, surrounded by beautiful nature, peace and quiet, alongside my beloved person... Is it so bad that I want this for us?” you had asked with trembling voice and Levi’s expression had softened, a sign that he had forgiven you for everything and that he didn’t want to argue anymore.

“As much as I want that too, we can’t have it when the titans are roaming everywhere, threatening to wipe out Humanity. If we don’t destroy them now, we are only delaying our doom,” he muttered as his hand went to softly caress your cheek, making you sigh as you leaned into his touch. “But that man, Erwin Smith, sees something that I don’t. He has a plan to save humanity and… he sees victory… That’s why I want to stay in the Survey Corps and fight,” he admitted and at that moment, you found yourself captured by that determination burning in his eyes.

His desire to fight for a better future.

Not only for the sake of you two, but for the sake of thousands of people.

And while you weren’t completely sure yet that you were ready to sacrifice your happiness and life for a bunch of people you didn’t know or care about, you knew that you were ready to sacrifice anything and everything for him.

And that’s why you stayed.

And he knew that. He knew you better than you knew yourself. But he chose not to call you out for this. Because he understood how you felt. He didn’t belittle you. He didn’t call you selfish or insensitive or a bad person just because you didn’t want to care about anyone else but him. What does selfish, insensitive or bad even mean? They are just vague concepts that are different from every person’s point of view.

And as more time passed, after every expedition, he could see why you wanted to leave. He could see why you didn’t want to fight. Every expedition, every death, left an impact on you, stealing bit by bit from your sunny personality and shaping you into a depressed, miserable person.

Even if you claimed that you didn’t care about strangers dying, deep, deep down, he knew you did. It was just the person you were, trying to convince yourself that you didn’t care about anyone but him in order to protect yourself. But on a deeper level you still cared and you were still affected and he knew that you hated feeling like this – it brought only chaos, confusion and misery to your mind and soul as you desperately tried to live up to your own expectations and build walls around yourself only for every brick to be broken as a comrade would send you a smile or compliment you or help you out with something. And after every expedition, he would gain a better understanding as to why you wanted to be selfish and leave. Why you wanted – why you tried forcing yourself – to stop caring about anything and everyone and run away with him – the one and only person who – you tried to convince yourself – mattered.

And he didn’t know why he couldn’t follow you. On many occasions, he felt the same. But somehow, for some reason, he would always find a way back to Erwin – back to the goal they shared for humanity. He didn’t know where that sudden loyalty for the blonde had come from – the same blonde who more or less had been the reason as to why Farlan and Isabel had died. But it was exactly this loyal bond that had formed between them that prevented Levi from following you and he hated himself for it because he could see how this life of soldiers was destroying you from the inside out and there were moments when he would lay at night and dark thoughts would cross his mind – of your body hanging from somewhere or him finding you drowned or with sliced wrists or a bullet stuck in the head.

It wasn’t uncommon for soldiers to turn to self-harm as a coping mechanism and some even committed suicide.

The fight against the titans wasn’t something to be underestimated and it left an irreparable damage on everyone.

And he could see you were heading that way and he hated himself for not being able to put a stop to this and just grab your hand and run away from everything – as you wanted.

That’s why he decided to distance himself from you. He thought that maybe if he started ignoring you, if he was being cold and distant, it would put a rift in your relationship. It would make you think that he didn’t love you anymore. That you were a painful reminder of the past. And once your bond was severed, nothing would be holding you back. Nothing would stop you from leaving. Because he was the only thing, the only reason, as to why you were still sticking around. And then maybe you would finally be able to find the peace and quiet you had been seeking for ages.

His conversations with you became shorter. His answers – curt. His affection and acts of service decreased. It had brought you to tears, thinking that you had done something wrong and it tore him apart when he caught you crying one night. But it was for your own good so he had to grit his teeth and bear with it never mind how much it hurt that he was causing you this suffering.

Him being promoted to a Captain helped a lot. Now he didn’t need to find reasons or excuses to not spend time with you because he was genuinely so busy all the time. The stress was making him snappy too so he tried avoiding conversations altogether, not wanting to actually say something hurtful because then he would feel even more pain and regret and that would have his resolve crumble and he would go back to being loving and affectionate which was far, far from the goal he had.

Then Oluo and Petra had entered the picture – two members fresh into the Survey Corps, graduated from the same trainee squad with incredible talent and promising skills. He had taken them into his squad but he didn’t know that this would be the final straw to put such a rift in your relationship.

It was true that Petra was a bit clingy. Her infatuation, devotion and loyalty to him were obvious. But he thought it was a childish, fleeting crush which is why he didn’t find it necessary to confront her about it. He thought it would disappear over time, especially with how both she and Oluo seemed like an old married couple more and more with each passing day. He didn’t want to push away the members of his own squad. He wanted to embrace them. To embrace their friendship. On a subconscious level, he was trying to fill the gaps left behind from the people he lost. The gaps oozing loneliness and pain. The gaps you couldn’t fill because he wasn’t allowing you to in his haste to push you away.

And when one day he went to have lunch with Erwin, as the two needed to discuss important matters in his office, he wasn’t expecting the blonde to deliver such mortifying news to him.

“Look, Levi…I’m sorry to say this but… Y/N left the Survey Corps,” told him the Commander with a sombre tone and Levi felt his entire world shift.

Suddenly, regret flooded him, chilling him to the very last atom.

Erwin saw each and every emotion flashing in his eyes. And even if he wanted to remind his friend of the words he had told him years ago, he couldn’t.

Because there were things in this life that were impossible not to regret.

Like losing a loved one because of your or their own demons.

It was one thing to lose a loved one to death. And completely another to lose them because of your decision.

Levi didn’t utter a word, pressing his lips in a thin line as he swiftly stood up and turned on his heel, leaving the office with ebony bangs covering his eyes, shielding him from his friend’s look of pity and compassion.

He needed to think.

He needed time.

* . °•★|•°∵ ∵°•|☆•° . *

You don’t realize how much someone or something means to you until you lose them.

No, that’s not exactly it.

Levi cherished you a lot. Levi loved you a lot. You meant the world to him. That’s why he wanted you to leave. He wanted you to find peace. He wanted you to live a good life away from that misery and bloodshed.

Even if it killed him on the inside.

Because if you truly love someone, you would let them go if it was for the sake of their happiness.

But now that he’s finally gone and done it. Now that he not only pushed you away as a lover but pushed you away from his life altogether, he felt lost.

He felt lost and miserable.

As if life was drained from any sound and colour, leaving him to float in some abyss, soaking in his own negative feelings.

The sorrow, the pain, the dread, the loneliness.

If he had to list them all, he would waste all of Erwin’s expensive parchment.

And as he laid there in his bed, after thinking and reflecting on everything for hours on end, staring at the ceiling with an empty bottle of alcohol shattered into pieces against the opposite wall – alcohol that barely got him tipsy – he realized that maybe he wanted to be selfish too. That, combined with the regrets of pushing you away, burned at his soul, melting any doubts he had, like a blacksmith melting steel, and solidified his resolve to find you and bring you back, like a new sword being forged.

So next day after he had gotten all his emotions, thoughts and feelings in check and after he had taken a decision, he approached Erwin and asked for your location.

He was unpleased when his friend told him that he had no idea where you went off to. Part of Levi wanted to be angry and yell at him. Accuse him of lying. But he was so tired after the emotional and mental battle he had wielded that he just gave up on his anger and frustration and decided that instead of letting such negative emotions rule over him, he would brush them aside instead and pave way for that same scorching determination he had for the Survey Corpse’s cause, now combining it with the determination of finding you.

And he didn’t stop.

Once he started, he didn’t stop.

He would visit every town, every village, whenever he was free from his duty.

He never stopped looking for you.

It took him roughly a year to scout most of Wall Rose’s lands.

But it was during one fateful evening, after the Scouts were returning from an expedition, when he spotted you.

The sun had just set, allowing the sky to be painted in purples and blues with shimmering stars being sprinkled onto the canvas. The street lanterns shone brightly and the comforting light spewing from them had illuminated a very familiar form.

A form that Levi knew like the lines of his own palm.

He hadn’t wasted time to jump from his black mare and chase after you. He didn’t want to approach and confront you right away so he just settled for walking at a slow pace behind you, trying his best to not be noticed or come off as some creep.

He seriously couldn’t believe his luck.

Knowing your thought pattern, he believed that you had run away somewhere far. Back in the days when you lived in the Underground, whenever you had arguments – which was very rare – you would always run away from home and hide somewhere far, knowing that it would be hard for him to find you and nearly giving him heart attacks because of it. But this time you had decided to hide right under his nose – near Trost district which was not far away from the SC HQ.

He counted himself outsmarted and he didn’t know whether to be annoyed by this or proud of you.

You looked radiant even in the dusk. The cream dress you were wearing made you look like a vision, glowing in the dark. It reached a bit past your knees, revealing some of your calves while the upper part left your collarbones in the open. He longed to run his fingers over your skin. Through your hair. To touch you. To feel you. To hold you. To tell you what an idiot he was. How he wanted you back in his life because he couldn’t exist without you by his side.

To apologize.

“Are you going to keep following me or are you going to help me carry the basket?” your voice interrupted his train of thought and he cursed lightly under his breath. You chuckled and stopped in your tracks, turning around ever so slightly, eyes finally landing on the person you were so anxious to see again but didn’t have the courage to approach.

He wordlessly took the basket from your hands and began walking next to you.

All the way to your house you stayed silent.

He didn’t even comment when you exited the District and neared the woods, only lifting an eyebrow.

Your shoes and his boots clinked against the cobblestone pathway, the little door of the wooded fence creaking under your touch as you pushed it. His eyes scanned the yard, taking notice of the freely roaming chicken, a few lambs, one cow and one horse – your horse from the Survey Corps. He could vaguely make out a garden peeking from behind the house so he supposed you also had a backyard where you were growing your food. He almost flinched when a huge dog – almost as big as you and him – came running in your direction, demanding head pats which you gladly gave.

Levi was impatient. He wanted to enter the damn house already and talk. But at the same time, a part of him was happy about the delay. He almost gulped nervously at the thought of the following confrontation.

Almost.

At last, you unlocked the front door and the two took off your shoes, putting on slippers, and moved into the house. You took the basket from his hands and placed it on the kitchen counter before you grabbed a rag to wipe the table and beckoned the man to sit down. He stood there awkwardly for a moment, taking a step towards the chair before halting, looking at you rigidly, and resuming his journey until he was finally sat. You clenched and unclenched the rag before you threw it away and sat across him, fingers now playing with the soft fabric of your dress. You looked at the ground and he looked at your feet, noticing your toes curling and uncurling from nerves even through the slippers.

“I-“

“Levi-“

You both said at the same time and you chuckled lightly at the cliché situation.

“You first,” uttered the man and you gulped, sending him a wobbly smile.

“I want to apologize-“ you took a short pause and an intake of air when you saw his eyes widening as his features twisted in a dumbstruck expression as if he was unable to process why you were apologizing. “-for leaving so suddenly without uttering a word. It was…childish,” you quieted down and he closed his eyes, sighing deeply. “You were walking further and further away from me, getting extra busy with being a Captain and…and then Petra came into the picture,” you muttered but were fast to wave your hands in defence, “Not that I ever doubted your loyalty! My trust in you would never waver but…I just thought that maybe we both needed a break. We needed to breathe and clear our heads and start thinking properly. That’s why I decided to leave and give us some space. I never truly intended on leaving the Survey Corps or abandoning you…You mean so much to me…but I’m still sorry that I-“

“Stop,” he rose to his feet and you quickly followed, anticipation and fear at his next possible words, building up inside of you, making you feel like burning. “You don’t have to apologize. You did nothing wrong.”

That calmed you down a bit, the fear leaving your mind, but instead, worry settled as you looked at the way he lowered his head and bit his lip.

“I acted wrongly…I was foolish by thinking that pushing you away would bring you the freedom and happiness you sought,” he muttered and your face softened. “I just,” he sighed as his trembling hand went through his hair in an attempt to ground himself. “I just saw how impacted you would get after every expedition…how you started losing that glow of yours, your bubbly and sunny persona…I saw how hard you were trying to force yourself to stop caring, to be selfish and leave, but you still couldn’t because…because you’re not like that… damnit,” he grit out as he tugged on a few strands before letting his hand fall and rest against his hip limply.

He kicked himself inwardly. He was never good at expressing himself. The moment he had seen you in the crowd, the moment he had set a goal to talk to you and sort everything out, he had been reciting in his head and thinking what exactly he was going to tell you and how he was going to explain himself and the reasoning behind his actions.

“I just-“

“-wanted me to be happy…So you thought that by being a dick and pushing me away, you would make me leave so I can find my peace and quiet somewhere far, far away,” you finished for him, deciding to help him out which caused him to halt in his speech and just stare at you, waiting for your next words, the terror of you rejecting him or telling him that you didn’t feel the same anymore felt like a nettle rope around his neck, getting tighter and tighter with each second, suffocating and scathing him. “Listen, while you might have been partially right, you were also wrong. Because even if I do find happiness away from all the bloodshed, it just wouldn’t be the same without you, silly,” you shook your head as you sent him a sad smile. “I’d rather endure all the pain and suffering in the world than be separated from you,” you finally took the courage to close the space between you as you laid your head on his chest, arms slowly sliding around his torso. He didn’t hesitate to return the hug, sharply bringing you closer, if that was possible, and squeezing you so hard you didn’t know whether to groan from pain or chuckle at seeing him express himself so openly and in such a sweet, boyish manner. It kind of brought back memories from the days you lived in the Underground and how he would hug you exactly like that when you would do something stupid that would put you at risk, albeit a bit more awkwardly since back when you were teenagers you both had no idea how to express your love for each other.

“Deep down I knew you were onto something. Because why would you start acting like that so suddenly? It just wasn’t in your style. But at the same time I felt…” he tightened his embrace even more and buried his face in your hair, inhaling your scent and letting it comfort his tortured mind. He had missed you so unbearably much.

“I’m sorry…I’m so sorry,” he whispered and you sighed as you ran your hands over his back in a soothing manner.

“I forgive you, Levi…I understand that you did it for my own good. But believe me when I say that I can’t find true freedom or happiness without you by my side,” you placed a kiss on his shoulder before pulling away to look him in the eyes. “Don’t ever leave. Don’t ever try to make me leave. Let’s just stick together through thick and thin as we’ve done since we were kids, ok?” you asked and he nodded, leaning hesitantly. You met his lips halfway and you kissed gently which slowly turned into a passionate, hungry, heated and desperate make out as you tried to feel one another after a whole year of being apart. When you finally broke it off, needing air, you rested your forehead against his and let yourself soak in his presence. He did the same. You just stayed like that, foreheads touching, arms around one another as you swayed ever so slightly.

“Want to help me pack?”

#levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #reader #reader imagine #aot x reader #snk x reader

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breathings-of-the-heart · 4 years ago

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Stuck on You (Levi x Childhood Friend! Reader) Part 2

A/N: Hey guys! It’s been kinda a while but here is part 2~ I have this habit of writing and rewriting my pieces since I’m never fully satisfied by them, but overdoing that is just as bad so I’m going to leave this as is ajflkajada The amount of love my first part recieved was so genuinely heart warming and I cannot express my gratitude enough. I’m nervous to post this because of it, to be honest, because I hope it lives up to the expectations. Thank you to everyone who has shown me support, it means so much! If you guys want a part three, or maybe just a short epilogue, I will consider it so let me know! Also if you would like to be tagged in my future works, comment below or send me a message <3 I hope you all enjoy!

Warnings: Angst, Season 1 and No Regrets ova spoilers

Word Count: 4k

If you haven’t already, read part one here

As a former member of the Scouts yourself, you knew the ins and outs of the military’s regulations. Because of this, you also knew your request was a strange one, seeing as soldiers weren’t typically allowed visitors, but you hoped your letter appealed to the more personal side of Commander Erwin. Apparently it somehow moved the man, seeing as you had been brought by carriage to the legion's base the following night.

The clopping of horse hooves eventually stopped, and you were currently being escorted into the building by another familiar face, her hand already outstretched to help you out of the vehicle as soon as the door swung open.

“I understand your reservations about this, but you’re brave for coming here. I think he’ll be relieved to see you, (Y/N),” Hange spoke, her fingers hovering over the small of your back as she guided you down one of the many hallways, lantern swinging in her free hand. “I think he could benefit from seeing a familiar face.”

Your eyes were downcast, staring at the floor as rooms upon rooms passed by along your path. You couldn’t speak if you tried, words seemingly stuck in your throat and unable to keep up with your racing thoughts.

Deep breaths, (Y/N).

For better or for worse, there was no need to reply, as Hange came to a halt not a second later. She squeezed your shoulder gently before bringing her knuckles to the wooden door, knocking once, twice.

Your hands were clammy, heart thundering in your ears as you tried to steady your breathing.

“Levi, someone is here to see you,” Hange’s voice rang out firmly.

There was a distinct sound of a chair being pushed back, and footsteps growing nearer. Time slowed down, and you began to second guess every decision up to now. Would Levi even want you to be here? Will he be angry? You felt like bolting away and forgetting about the whole idea, suddenly afraid of his reaction. Afraid that your presence would only make everything worse.

Your eyes were widening as you realized the possibility of leaving was too late to explore, Levi already turning the handle from the other side. So instead, you swallowed your pride, stood up straighter, and pushed away the growing sensation of nausea in your gut.

“Who could possibly be important enough to interrupt my--” 

The second his eyes met yours, Levi halted in all movements. Your gaze was fixed on him as well, every bit of longing settling back in your bones the second it did.

He looked nearly the same as the last time you saw him, clean and kempt as ever, hair styled the way it always was-- the same way he’d keep it when he used to chastise you for running your fingers through it.

And those stoic, gray irises that drew you in your were fierce, yet somehow emptier. At the sight of you, his flooding emotions became too much to properly register, unlocking every moment you’d ever spent with him as they replayed all at once.

“(Y/N)?” He couldn’t hide his disbelief, eyes widening ever so slightly.  

“Hello, Levi.”  

~~~~~~~~~

Never did Levi think he would grow to care for another group of people the same way he had for you, Farlan, and Isabel. But sitting around Petra, Gunther, Eld, and Oruo, he found their excited chatter over the dinner table endearing more than anything. The ever stoic look on his face didn’t change, and he would never openly admit it, but it felt reminiscent to be surrounded by trusted company like this. All of Squad Levi had full faith in one another; it was necessary for the battle field. This created an unspoken bond between all of them that the unreachable Ackerman did not picture building with others again.

Fate worked in funny ways, he supposed.

Sounds of clinking silverware and chatter filled the mess hall, sun setting outside of its many windows and painting the expanse in an orange light. The males eyes drifted towards the entrance of the room expectantly, where a clock rested above the doorway. He took a sip of his tea whilst squinting at it, attempting to get a better read before feeling a slight jab in his side.

“Looking for someone, sir?” Petra inquired, with a hint of deeper emotion in her tone that went right over the male’s head.

He glared at her in annoyance, having almost spilled his drink as the thought of you returned to the forefront of his mind.

It was strange, seeing how capable you had become after spending those months by yourself in the Underground. They made you a bit more calloused than when Levi last saw you, carrying over to your skills as a Scout. You never used to be skilled at riding ODM gear, not even when Levi tried to teach you in your youth. Seeing you slash Titans without blinking an eye was like watching someone completely different.

But you had to learn, since you had no one to protect you.

Your open displays affection had grown fewer and farther between as your time in the Survey Corps dragged on. At first, Levi thought nothing of it. Truthfully, the Captain had hardly noticed, with how busy the both of you were. He wrote it off as stress, or the workload catching up to you. Or, maybe, it was that nagging thought in the back of his conscience he dared not dwell on: he had turned you into this, after being away for so long and then failing to protect your friends.

But as your words replayed in his mind like a broken record, too late he realized this wasn’t the case.

“I see the way you look at her. I see it because you used to look at me that way.”

“Captain?” Petra repeated, leaning forward to study his distant countenance and successfully pulling the man out of his thoughts. “She’s probably just training.”

He rested his hand on top of her head, turning it away from him and sighing.

“Eat, Petra. I don’t need you to be whining about hunger during our patrol tomorrow morning,” he chastised, forcing his eyes away from the doorway.

After that talk, Levi had watched you go, telling himself that you’d return soon enough. Yet could not shake the feeling in his gut that there was something amiss. He pushed away the pit in his stomach. You were safe, you were healthy, and that was all that mattered. Humanity’s Strongest had other things to focus on, after all, and tuned back into his comrades’ conversation. The man blended back in easily, occasionally offering a few of his own comments as the meal dragged on.

Every so often his thoughts would shift back to your conversation earlier that day, and he realized that you were wrong. As close to Petra as he had gotten, there was a stark difference between you and her:

No matter how strong you’d get, and no matter what you thought of him, Levi would always shield you from as much of this world as he could.

But it was better this way. Better if you moved on from him and easier to do if you thought it was because he wanted Petra.

If only he knew your last words to him “I’ll be back for dinner,” had been a lie.

It had been strange for him when you didn’t return. Levi tried not to think about how Kenny had done the same, instead grasping for a reason. For once, he could not read your thought process. The male had no idea why you’d voluntarily leave, after everything. He knew better than to hold onto certainty, but you’d thrown him for a loop. You were always the one to communicate, the problem solver, the one who understood him without much direction. Didn’t you know that you were irreplaceable? He should have come clean: told you that he didn’t see Petra that way, and just didn’t have the heart to admit he didn’t feel good enough for you anymore.

Did he ever even get the chance to say “I love you?”

His regret multiplied tenfold as he began to understand that maybe if he had, you would’ve stayed.

~~~~~~~~

A strange sense of comfort washed over the man as you smiled softly, small hands clasped together in front of you. He blinked, wondering if you were simply a mirage caused by his sleep deprivation. But you remained where you were, after all this time, standing at his door. For once in the man’s life, his mind was drawing a blank.

“I’ll leave you guys to it, then,” Hange stated, excusing herself and soon disappearing out of sight.  

Her statement pulled the both of you back into the present, and you were suddenly self conscious of Levi’s stare. You tucked your hair behind your ears and gestured towards his office, unable to gage his reaction to your presence.

“Would it be alright if I came in?” you asked shyly, astonished he hadn’t slammed the door in your face the second Hange left.  

To your shock, Levi simply nodded, stepping aside to let you through. Your movements were unsure and hesitant, stark in comparison to his: calm and collected as ever.

Just like any space Levi occupied, the area was clean and tidy, a lantern sitting upon his desk the only source of light against the cloudy night sky. It smelled like tea leaves, sandalwood, and disinfectant, a signature scent that made you fill with nostalgia. As the click of the door echoed behind you, the reality of your situation set in, and you turned around to face the man you were here to see.

His gaze had never left you.

“You’re hurt,” was the first thing that left your mouth, concern evident as you studied the bandaging that peaked above his knee length shoes.  

“Long story,” Levi offered curtly, eyeing you up and down from a few feet away. “One I don’t particularly care to tell you.”  

“Of course, that’s fine,” you agreed softly, a weak smile pulling at your lips.

You did your best to mask the hurt, knowing you deserved to feel it. It hurt to be here, the fear that Levi hated you previously keeping you away. Now that you were facing the music, that fear seemed more realistic than ever. Your brain wracked to change the topic before your mind could continue overthinking; desiring instead to cut the unbearable, building tension that never used to exist between you two.

“How are you, Levi?” it was a stupid question, but you no longer knew how to talk to him.

“(Y/N).” 

The way he said your name was sharp and challenging. You quickly cleared your throat and looked away.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. Of course you’re--” 

“--Why did you leave?” Levi effectively cut you off, orbs narrowing as you dared to come closer.

The question caught you off guard. You thought you’d made it obvious with your last conversation with him those years ago. Surely, he had some idea, although his pained expression said otherwise. His fingers twitched at his sides, a movement you didn’t miss as your eyes flickered back to his in surprise. He had been so composed just a moment ago, that the sudden shift gave you whiplash.

Now his fists were clenching, as he waited in the painful silence, knuckles turning white.

“Why did you leave?” The phrase echoed tauntingly in your ears, over and over again.

You don’t know what came over you. All you knew was that you needed to rid him of the rare, defeated look etched into his countenance. To purge him of this feeling you caused. Whether reaching out would help or hurt, you didn’t know.

But you needed to be near him.

Levi’s eyelids screwed shut as you brushed your thumb across his cheek. The action was so simple, so delicate, so unsure and so familiar all at once, and at the feeling, the Captain’s composure finally came undone.

 He reached up and gripped your wrist, as if you’d fade away if he let go. In previous years, it was always you who craved skinship, yet it seemed as if a weight had been lifted off Levi’s shoulders to have you this close. Your touch still felt like the comforting warmth of a campfire; the type that would make anyone want to stay forever.

“I’m sorry. I thought you’d be better off without me,” you whispered. “I didn’t want to cause you any pain.”

He let out a breath.

“Then why are you here now?” his question was more defeated than hostile, which you hadn’t expected.

If someone asked a few hours ago, your answer would have been much clearer. But now, the logic that brought you here seemed overshadowed by doubt. After all this time, and after everything that had happened between you and Levi, any semblance of a relationship with him seemed unsalvageable. You told yourself this mantra over and over until it stuck. So why were you here?

Levi must’ve thought it audacious, for you to run away like a coward and still think you were relevant to him.

“I owe you so much. Whether I ended up being wrong or right, I’ve always acted with your best interest,” you sighed, thumb brushing over Levi’s dark circles. “Truthfully, I don’t know if I’m any use to you now. I might be the last person you want to seek comfort from, but on the off chance that I still matter to you, I’ll always come back,” you whispered earnestly.

Levi’s grip on your wrist tightened imperceptibly, and you longed to bury your face in the crook of his neck; to feel him wrap his arms around you in his embrace once more. It seemed as if Levi was staring into your soul, his shallow breaths mingling with yours at this close proximity as he opened his eyes to fully drink you in.

“I’m here to tell you that if you need me, I’ll stay.” 

He looked to the side as if brushing aside your touch, hand falling away from the raven-haired man’s face as he did so. It felt like rejection, as if he was brushing all of you away with a simple turn of his head.

Silence.

“You’re a real idiot, (Y/N),” he spoke finally, voice nearly out of place against the stillness.

Moonlight suddenly peaked through the window, showering you in a bath of silver light. Levi recognized this look. You were wearing your heart on your sleeve, offering everything you had to give; eyes wide and honest, shining with a vulnerability that even after a lifetime of knowing you, he had never seen before. The man felt conflicted at the sight, annoyance prickling under his skin as you somehow managed to hold him together and tear him apart all at once with your presence.

Losing his squad twist that knife in his heart, convincing him that he was cursed to be left by everyone and his superhuman talents only doomed him to live a life alone.

But now, here you were, standing within arms length: despite the pain you caused, still the only person he had left. Only you could draw this much emotion out of the typically monotonous man. He couldn’t tell if you were a blessing or a curse, but in the moment, all he knew was that he didn’t want you to leave again. He needed you to stay here, with him, the way it should be. Because you were family.

And true to your word, you did.

“You should really get some sleep, you know,” you stated after a while, closing the door with your foot as you entered with two fresh cups of tea.  

You watched Levi fill out paperwork on the other side of the desk, bringing the cup to his lips in the strange fashion you always teased him for. His gaze flickered up boredly.

“You know I don’t sleep. You go on ahead, though. The bed’s behind that door,” he paused, gesturing somewhere behind him. “I hardly ever use it.”

You shook your head, reaching forward and plucking Levi’s pen from his hand.  

“What you’re drinking is caffeine free. I switched it, so you have no excuse now.” You ignored the indignant scowl growing on the Captain’s face, urging him to listen. “Please, you really should rest. You know you need to.”

It took an entire hour of imploring and convincing for the man to finally give in, him grumbling as you helped take off the boot on his injured foot and ushered him onto the bed. You knew you were the last person with any right to tell the short Captain what to do, but knowing Levi, he was running on an hour or two of sleep while his body was begging for rest. And yes, you were very much hypocritical, draped across the couch in Levi’s office, staring at the ceiling. But none of that mattered to you, as long as he was okay.

You had been lost in introspection, being a room away from your childhood best friend and first love after so long a surreal experience. It felt strange to be back here, but you were too tired to dwell on how strangely out of place you seemed in a place you once called home.

The weight of your abundant emotions from the day finally crashed down, fatigue settling in. You rubbed your eyes, and snuggled closer to the cushions, letting the darkness claim you.

And in the other room, as Levi slipped out of his uniform, shaking his head in exasperation. His last thoughts while he inspected the door as if he could see you through it, was that of course only (Y/N) (L/N) could be more stubborn than he was.

As he slipped under the covers per your command, the ghost of a smile spread across his lips at the thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Perhaps it was the constant danger of where you grew up, and the need to always stay on your toes, but for as long as you could remember, you’d been a light sleeper. If someone so much as stared at you for too long, your body would jolt awake, ready to take action within a moment’s notice. There had been many instances where this came in handy in your past; even after years of seldom disruption in your now boring life within the walls, this was a trait you never seemed to grow out of. So it wasn’t hard to notice the heavy breathing and panicked movement from behind Levi’s closed door.

Just like for you, some things never changed-- when it came to old habits, you knew the man like the back of your hand. The reason he rarely ever slept was one you were quite familiar with. One both of you struggled with, and probably always would. Nightmares never seem to stop. You’d gotten through so many of your own rough nights with your friends by your side.

Levi, however, always refused to admit how they affected him. Insisted on going through it by himself.

The subconscious urge to look after one other was most likely one you'd never grow out of, even if Levi had. You didn’t think twice before making your way across the office, swinging your legs across the sofa, awake within seconds. Without missing a beat, you stood up and made your way to Levi’s personal sleeping quarters, knuckles rapping against the frame twice. Levi’s shallow gasps quieted, and when you realized he didn’t plan on opening the door, you steeled your nerves to do it yourself. This was what you were here for, wasn’t it? To offer some comfort?

He did want me to stay.

“Levi?” You called into the darkness gently, feet padding foreword as your eyes adjusted to the lack of light.

His silhouette was upright in the bed, no doubt staring at you menacingly.

“I'm fine, (Y/N). Go back to sleep,” he snapped.

That didn't deter you, for he would never openly admit vulnerability. This was by no means new behavior. Besides, the strong emotion behind the Captain’s voice was an easy tell that betrayed his words. You pressed on, sitting on the edge of the mattress.

“Do you remember the time we were teenageers and you got sick, but couldn’t afford medicine so I took that sketchy job you specifically told me not to?” Your back was to him, yet you could feel Levi peering at you.

“Obviously,” he humoured you with a reply, knowing you weren’t going to leave. “You came home half alive and I felt like the most useless piece of shit in the world.”

You chuckled, fingers fiddling with the white sheets beneath them.

“Yes, which was unfair to yourself but also something I did not realize since you called me pretty much every name in the book,” you smiled, the memory oddly fond despite its events. “You were so angry, but I was also scared out of my mind... which was more important than your anger, I suppose. So you let me lay next to you that night. That was all it took to make me feel safe again.”

There was a long pause, you trying to get your words together in a way that could allow Levi to understand how you felt right now.

“I know what you’re thinking; what you’ve been thinking your whole life. You haven’t failed anyone and that stupid idea should be the furthest thing on your mind. Take it from someone who knows, alright? So many lives have had meaning because of y--”

His hand closed around your wrist, the grip much like it was the day you left him.

This time, he would not let go.

“--Stop, (Y/N). Don’t.”

You hadn’t realized there were tears falling down your cheeks until Levi turned your face to look at him. Trying to look away in your embarrassment, you laughed bitterly. His grip did not budge as he examined you sternly.

“Just be quiet and go to sleep, alright?”

You wiped at your face, determination etched into every fibre of your being.

“Mark my words, Levi, I will make you believe me.”

Levi rolled his eyes but tugged at you once more, opening the duvet in an invitation. When he sensed your uncertainty he simply nodded, arms winding around your waist as you finally crawled in beside him. Both of you knew that there was so much that still needed to be said; so many buried feelings and pain that would only take time to unravel. It felt like a miracle to find yourselves in this situation, pushing aside the thousands of emotions and questions and misunderstandings the two of you had, if only to stay together in this moment.

You didn’t need Levi to know that you still loved him; not while he was coping with another loss. It would be selfish to spring that on, and that was not what you were here for. But you had to tell him:

“I missed you.”

Levi hummed, nose brushing against yours in the close proximity.

“You better not be gone when I wake up,” he chided in response, orbs fluttering shut.

Your fingers threaded through his onyx black locks, brushing through the knots soothingly. Knowing you’d help this man heal no matter how long it took, you took comfort in the realization that he’d finally let you do just that.

“I’ll be right here. You’re not alone, Levi. I promise you never will be.”

He pulled you closer, thankful that there was at least one source of warmth left in his life that he could hold onto-- especially after coming to terms with and almost having been certain he’d never experience this feeling of contentment, again. But here you were to prove him wrong, a living slice of home in his arms.

It may have been wishful thinking, but you could have sworn you felt Levi’s breath fan across your hairline, a soft voice whispering “Thank you, (Y/N).” before you felt yourself slip away into slumber once more.

taglist: @asterroidd @chucky-26o1 @silversxble @belovedwindermere @christina-mj-stan @leviackerrman @cravrat @thekohakuriver1 @batakprincess @sunisenpai

#snk #AoT #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #levi #lance corporal levi #levi ackerman #levi ackerman imagine #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman fanfiction #snk levi #snk fic #aot fic #levi x reader #attack on titan imagines

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fireemblems24 · 3 years ago

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Ao3 Ship Thoughts

To sate my desire to read Three Houses fan fiction and jump in on the shipping comments that have upticked recently, I decided to see what ships were the most popular on Ao3.

Some of it's exactly what I expected, and one in particular is just . . . what, why?

Ao3 is probably the closest you'll get to truly determining which ships are the most popular, or at least have the highest number of passionate fans. So I was curious to see who the top ships were. Here's the ones listed, in order:

Sylvain/Felix

Dimitri/Byleth

Edelgard/Byleth

Ferdinand/Hubert

Claude/Byleth

Dimitri/Felix

Dimitri/Claude

Felix/Annette

Caspar/Linhardt

Hilda/Marrianne

If I exclude the Byleth ships, Dimitri/Dedue, Byleth/Seteth, and Ingrid/Sylvain take up the three missing spots.

Byleth's Ships

I'm shocked. Really, truly shocked that Byleth/Lord is popular. Never wouldn't guessed. I am, of course, being sarcastic. If someone asked me to list who I think would show up in the top 10 most popular ships, the first three I'd list would be Byleth/Lord.

What I find more interesting is that Byleth/Seteth is the fourth option for Byleth. AO3 writers, I officially bow to your taste. It pleases me quite a bit that, if you're not going with one of the main lords, you all want Seteth. This I can agree with.

As for the Byleth/Lord ships, I feel kind of mixed on them. Every lord interacts with characters who have more depth than Byleth, but I still get the appeal. I'm going to deep dive into all of the lords relationships with Byleth later, but here's a quick summary.

Edelgard/Byleth is shoved down your throat so hard it's nearly impossible to ship Edelgard with someone else and even shortchanges her potential to have deep, non-romantic relationships because Edelgard puts Byleth on a pedestal that no one else can reach by her own dialogue.

Byleth's character arc works well alongside Dimitri's. While the relationship is pushed and fanservice-y scenes exist, the game leaves enough breathing room to see Byleth as a mentor/therapist/teacher figure, and Dimitri has no shortage of deep, meaningful relationships with others should you not want to do the whole self-insert thing. It's a good balance.

Claude and Byleth are the opposite of Edelgard and Byleth. They read almost more like friends than lovers. It's a breath of fresh air, honestly. Claude/Byleth seems like the healthiest possible romance for Byleth/lord because the lord in question here doesn't seem as dependent. That said, it lacks lacks romance and shipping fuel. I may complain about fanservice, but the Byleth/Claude dynamic does show why scenes of holding hands in the rain and teasing about badly drawn images might actually come in handy.

Edelgard's Ships

I'm not surprised, at all, that Edelgard has no popular ships outside of Byleth. Dialogue consistently shortchanges Edelgard's relationships with others by having her verbally, repeatedly put Byleth into a special "other" that no one else can reach for her.

Though, I guess I'm a bit surprised at the extreme lack of Edelgard/Hubert. I feel these two have a lot of shipping fuel and their supports left things unresolved. I've come across the sentiment in fandom many times that ship where things are tied off nicely with a bow leave less to explore and aren't as interesting, so I am bummed out no one seems interested in fleshing out Hubert/Edelgard more.

The outlook for Edelgard fanfic and me seems pretty limited. I don't like Edelgard/Byleth for various reasons beyond this scope of this post. I was kind of hoping there were some Edelgard/Hubert or Edelgard/Dorothea character study stuff that could help me get past how much Byleth gets in the way of Edelgard's character growth, but it seems fanfic writers only want to write about her and Byleth, which is a bummer.

On that note, I'm also surprised but also glad that Dimitri/Edelgard isn't a big thing. I thought it might be because tragedy of childhood friends turned enemies by events out of their control is popular. These two seem wildly incompatible though, so I'm glad people seem to agree.

Claude's Ships

Ok. Claude/Byleth. Expected. I'm feel positively towards the ship since they seem mostly good for each other even if it's not getting my heart all fluttering.

I'm surprised there's no Claude/Petra or Claude/Hilda. Those two are my personal favorites for him. I would've given Claude/Petra the edge given how they can uniquely relate to each other, but Hilda's scene in CF really gave Petra a run for her money. Even more so that Petra and Claude have obligations to two different nations and Hilda has no such complication.

But whattttt???? Claude/Dimitri? It's in the top 10?? More people ship Dimitri with Claude than Dedue?? I thought lord/lord might be popular, but I honestly thought Dimitri/Edelgard would take it, not Claude/Dimitri. They never really talk. So I'm a bit confused about this one. Though, intrigued by the idea.

Can I take a wild guess this partly stems from Claude having no real other viable M/M ships outside of M!Byleth and fics that plays up the chapter I'm about to play in AM (Dimitri saving Claude) or "what ifs" VW routes where Dimitri doesn't . . . you know.

I am really curious about this dynamic though. Because I like Claude - a lot. He's a character I want to get attached to. From experience, the fastest way for me to like a character is to give them a significant relationship I enjoy with a character I already love and the new character gets absorbed by proxy. So, fans, please, tell me more about this Dimitri/Claude. I am curious.

Dimitri's Ships

I am as unsurprised by Dimitri's being one of the biggest repeat offenders on here as I am by Edelgard being Byleth or bust. If Edelgard is written to fanservice the player by making the self-insert her one and only, Dimitri is fanservicing the player by being a shipping magnet. The writers knew what they were doing and who they were trying to appeal to with these two characters.

Dimitri/Byleth is a given. The game plays up the romance angle, but it's not at the expense of Dimitri's other relationships.

What I'm more interested in, though, is Felix/Dimitri. Between angsty CF stories, post-AM slow-burns, or fleshing out missing scenes from their shared childhood, there's just a lot to work with and a rich context to use their relationship - spun romantically - to explore each character. Felix and Dimitri's relationship is layered, complicated, heart breaking, and potentially healing. The fact they're two incredibly attractive guys doesn't hurt its popularity either, I'm sure. I'm not surprised it ranked that highly.

Claude/Dimitri surprises me. If two lords were going to get on this list together, I would've put bets on Edelgard/Dimitri. Since Claude and Dimitri's relationship is fairly unexplored, I'm really interested to see more about what exactly this is about. Don't get me wrong. I figured people would pair two main characters who are that good looking together, I just didn't think it would rank that high.

I am, slightly sad, that Dimitri/Dedue isn't a bit higher, but happy it seems to have some steam. I get it though. Dedue's not as flashy as some of the others on the shipping list and their relationship is so full of fluff by their A support it lacks the angst Felix/Dimitri and Dimitri/Byleth can draw out nor is as much of a play around with "what ifs" as Claude/Dimitri is.

Non-Lords/Main Characters Ships:

This list, more than anything else, shows AO3's penchant for writing M/M and F/F works for better or worse. Whether this phenomena stems from lack of representation, fetishizing by the fanbase, deeply ingrained gender roles making fictional M/F ships either less appealing to many fanfic writers, or M/F romances often getting assumed leading to less substantial writing compared to friendships - I don't know. Probably all of it.

There are a few surprises here for me. Felix/Sylvain is that popular? I figured they'd make the top 10, but #1 is surprising. Though, looking through the first page of the tag, it's true Felix/Sylvain have fics just for them, but it also seems like a common pairing in Dimitri/Byleth and Dimitri/Claude fics. It's the same story with Caspar/Linhardt, who I honestly didn't expect to see. They had a fair number of their own fics, but it seems many CF fics put them together rather than focus solely on them. Felix/Annette also balances being the main focus and an adjunct pairing. Marianne/Hilda seemed to have less fics where they took center stage and more they were one of many ships listed.

Ferdinand/Hubert having a lot of fics isn't surprising. I don't really care too much for it personally, but I can see the appeal of it.

I'm surprised Catherin/Shamir is nowhere in sight. Likewise, Rhea is absolutely nowhere. Kind of sad by the lack of adult characters in general. Especially Rhea. I think it's a pretty big sign of how the writing's treated her that such an important character is totally absent in this list.

Not surprised at all to see Felix also get so many ships. He, like Dimitri, seems designed on purpose to ship with many characters. I do really wish Dorothea and Seteth would get more attention though.

What do you guys think? Anything that surprised you? How do you feel about any of these ships and there popularity or lack thereof? Are there characters/pairings you wish got more attention? Any popular ships you despise (spill that tea)?

#fire emblem three houses #fe3h #fe16 #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #claude von reigen #tagged them because I want to get people who ship Claude and Dimitri to see this and talk to me about that

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