#petal by petal falling apart along with her heart | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

glassrowboat · 2 months ago

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Dottore x Reader x Diluc poto AU

Summary: The Angel of Music's lair awaits you as painted gold arms move to welcome you in, the creak of their gears barely registering in your ears over your voice as his hand fits comfortably in yours, guiding you along. Further, further, and further into his world of unending night.

Warnings: Dottore, sexual content, smut, oral, cunnilignus, masturbating, altering of POTO canon, not proof read but Risse is tired

Word Count: 5k

The lights had been blinding as always when you had stood high on the stage, filling the air with a burning heat that licked at your skin. Sweat had dripped down your back, but there was no searing ache in your muscles from performing as your legs held you up for the painted gold faces of statues to see you in all your glory without even a speck of powder on pointed toes. For there were no silk ribbons fastened around your ankles to be seen by an effigies eyes. Your feet weren't even peeling a new layer of skin. There was only a dull hum in your throat and an ever beating heart from frayed nerves at having all those eyes on you.

On you alone.

For the stage had claimed you not as a ballet dancer who twirled with each long string of a bow, but as the star all lights were pointed to.

Just like the ones covered in glitter and gems you had pulled out of your hair a moment ago and laid to rest on the vanity you were sitting before. Your own reflection staring back at you as your fingers dance over the red petals of a rose. A gift from your Angel of Music.

You could almost hear the vibrato in his voice as well wishes fell from the lips that have taught you so well. Surely, he would be dawning a smirk, prideful as he is.

You plucked a petal, withered at the end with a dull brown that curls in on itself, and let it fall onto the floor of this overbearingly pink room; from the wallpaper to the endless bouquets surrounding you in a fog of perfume. All unaccompanied by a glass bottle to spray a charming mist into the air with a squeeze of an atomizer bulb, yet it smothered you nonetheless.

But in your hands, still perfectly polished from when your makeup had been done before the show, was black. A ribbon unlike the twisted and worn ones of your pointe shoes twisting around your finger, hypnotizing you with its delicate touch.

You didn't even notice the knob of the painted door keeping you apart from the bustling crew you would normally be shrugging through in an attempt to go change out of your costume twisting.

Not until a voice called out, one without the austere lit to it you had heard between dark stones aglow by the flicker of candles as you prayed for your father. That bright red of a rose, its scent still plaguing you, was replaced with locks of embering hair and memories of salt in the air as a violin played; waves lapping at the shore a background to the sweet melody.

“A little girl let her mind wander. The little girl thought, ‘Am I fonder of dolls, or of goblins, or of shoes.”

A poem you had learned in your tender years now sparking at the core of your memory again.

“Diluc?”

Your eyes fell on him, taking in the black coat hugging a frame that had now grown out of the lanky one you had known well from days of cuddling up together in a dusty attic on an old blanket, and white tie so pure it could be mistaken for the snow that is sure to come with the change of seasons already starting to creep in through the walls of the opera house with a chilling touch.

Almost like hands made of ice were ready to wrap around your throat.

But Diluc's were warm as he kneeled before you, hand reaching out to rest on your shoulder only to pull it back like he shouldn't have dared to be so familiar with you despite the moments you both shared. “Or of riddles or of frocks..or of chocolates.”

The flutter of your heart still stirred from the stage, twisting and turning as you looked up at him.

He was different from the boy you once knew, but he still held traces of himself from the memories you replayed in your head on an endless loop in between chatter with the other chorus girls and, dare you admit, even in the face of a blue glow that could never melt into shadows the same way the rest of your phantom did.

“Should I refer to you as Vicomte now?” You asked, remembering how the new managers had introduced him during rehearsal.

“Please, don't call me that.” The flickering light of the candle moved along Diluc's shoulders as they slumped. “It makes me uncomfortable. And there's no need.”

Not between us, is what he didn't say.

“Diluc it is, then.”

“And you, should I call you the star of tonight's show?” Diluc asked, head tilting slightly when your eyes met with his. “You did amazing up there.”

“Oh I see, so I'm not worthy of the title a prima donna yet? But no.” you shook your head, a smile quirking your lips up at his genuine praise. He had always been so quick to listen to your quiet lullabies in awe once upon a time, and that same unabashed reverence has turned back to you again.

He really did remember you despite not recognizing you- not seeing you- when he was first introduced to the troupe as a new benefactor of the theater.

“There's no need for that.” You assured him.

“Then if there's no need for titles between us, how about we share a meal. One in celebration of your wonderful performance and to meeting again?”

Your fingers tightened around the stem in your hands the moment he asked, wrangling it into something new, something misshapen. All between knuckles that were slowly turning white with each passing second. “No.”

“I'm sorry is”- Diluc’s hand drew back further, continuously pulling away the warmth he had to offer- “something wrong?”

And the stirring in your heart seemed to quell the further Diluc got.

“It's not- well..you remember what my father said, right, Diluc? That when he was in heaven he would send the Angel of Music to me.” With a sucked in breath you got out the words: “well father is dead, and I have been visited.”

“Oh, there's no doubt of it.”

The sentence echoed one that had once been whispered between you on a windy day, almost bringing you further back in time than just his mere presence brought you. To memories of dark stories and a scarf trying to fly off with the breeze and swim along the waters being returned to you as he wrapped it around your neck as you promised one day you would stand on the stage waiting for your voice to be heard by everyone and by him.

How far you've come.

The both of you.

But…

“And the Angel of Music is very strict.” You reminded yourself. The you that had become intimate with the shivers racking your spine simply at the thought of displeasing him currently running over you.

Breath falling short.

“I don't intend to keep you for long.”

“I know, it's just-”

And then he asked you to please play along, to indulge him on this even as the hole drilling itself in your stomach grew and grew. To the point eating anything in the first place sounded sickening, but you smiled at that same baby face Diluc couldn't seem to grow out of even after all these years and dared to agree.

The hair on the back of your neck stood up as he walked to the door, pushed it out of the way with one last call of “You must change. Something you can actually walk around in, preferably. In the meantime, I'll order my carriage.” And a promise you won't regret joining him as that pink door closed.

Painted lilies staring back at you as gooseflesh awoke on your skin.

A lock silently clicked in place without you even noticing.

Then, a voice seemed to blare over the room, blowing out the candles around you one by one. From the vanity your red rose laid upon to the one next to the dressing screen you had only just been behind to change (trying to discard the heavy costume you had worn on stage), hands occupied with fixing the tie to your robe. Darkness took over, leaving you in the music of the night.

“He's insolent, my muse. Just a boy who hasn't even fostered the voice you now yield, but there he was sharing in my triumph.”

The sneer you could hear in his voice was recognizable and well known after all the times other ‘young suitors’ as he liked to call them dared to cross an invisible line he drew. One you still couldn't tell if it was etched in the grains of sand or hammered into concrete, but either way, daring to pass, it was as risky as a gambler asking for Aphrodite’s kiss.

“He didn't mean any harm.”

“I would say trying to step in the way of your spotlight for a chance to greet you is pernicious at best.”

Like the panes of a window leaving shadows along the floor where the sun casts its rays.

“Look, I'm sorry. I wanted to tell him no.”

“But your soul was weak, I take it?” He asked with the same snark you've grown accustomed to from him. At this point it was almost a comfort after hearing him make remarks about the inability of the crew, Carlotta, and the new managers who had just taken over all while a stained glass image of a god you bowed your head to watched over you.

A holy gaze keeping you safe as prayers for your father whispered on your lips and a flame sparked as you lit a candle in his name, but in here it was only you and a fog slowly creeping in.

Dottore always was one for dramatics.

“Forgive me, teacher.” You said at last.

A hum filled your ears, just as the fog rose higher and higher, blocking out the endless bouquets that had been filling the room more than the gaudy furniture could even dare to try.

He spoke of Diluc basking in your glory, but here he was doing the same with your trepidation.

All you could do was wait for the other shoe to fall, or-

“Only this once, my muse.”

Or to have a hand held out to take yours. Black gloves and golden claws shattering the illusion you were semi alone in this room as the mirror fell away for Dottore to pull you inside. Arm wrapping around your waist to keep you close as a melody filled your ears; blocking out the sound of Diluc rattling the doorknob to check on you as panic swells in his chest.

“I am your Angel of Music.” Dottore said as he cast a sidelong glance towards the door, his hold on you tightening. “Come to your Angel of Music.”

With a crescendo, everything else fell away.

All with that same fog following you, drowning everything else out. Leaving the world above the murky depths you were pulled into distorted by refraction. Blocking out the last words you could have sworn went something along the lines of: “Who is in there with you?”

You couldn't even register the concern lacing each word, not when all your nerves were set alight. Yet the raucous beating of your heart, a drum that has long since been used and abused, finally soothed as Dottore pulled you along.

“Come now, and sing once again with me our strange duet.”

A haze passed by all at once with golden arms clicking as gears in need of a good oiling moved, fingers intertwining with your own, and the splash of water as a rowboat that looked as fickle as glass dipped under your weight when you climbed in.

All with the assurance “I have you” as you were flooded by the Phantom’s song.

His voice echoed off the walls dripping with a moisture you would rather not think about, slipping between the cracks and over dewy cobwebs with a raw texture. The talent of a man who taught himself all he knew in the silence between the shows put on in the light as his shadow cast across the stones down below.

Dottore had once likened it to a hollow building, one falling apart at the seams all thanks to its unsteady foundation, but you? You, the very thing that inspired his song, had come in and filled that shell of a home with comfort. Blankets over the windows to keep the cold air out, rugs padding over the hard floor, and a place to rest; one without the worry of rats creeping their way into our home.

Dottore never explained why he called it “our home.”

Not even as his masked face turned towards you and you were left questioning if that black and white porcelain could hold an expression of fondness.

“Surely you know how to get out of a boat yourself.” Dottore teased, even as he helped pull you out with one last unsteady lurch and splash of water under your feet. Droplets tickling your ankles.

“Apparently not.”

“Don't tell me I have another thing I need to teach you.” Dottore raised a brow, or maybe both, you really couldn't tell.

“Would it matter if you did?” You teased.

“I suppose not. We can stay down here, together.” Dottore whispered with his hand ghosting along your cheek. Cold to the touch. “And abandon the garish light of day all while I teach you something new. All in this kingdom of music..”

A kingdom with only one subject, the king: Dottore himself.

“I'm not just going to purge my thoughts of the life I knew before,” danced on your tongue, wanting to escape from the confines you only tightened the hold of. Chaining it to a wall to be forgotten and discarded.

For his eyes could both threaten and adore; you already knew which would be easier to handle. And you were too exhausted to try weasel your way out of this mess you had stumbled in again, anyway.

“Softly, deftly music shall caress you. Hear it, feel it secretly possess you.” As he sang in your ear, lips and the touch of his mask grazing your skin, Dottore's hand fell from your cheek. Roamed as it pleased. Traced over your collarbones only to go lower, lower, and lower. The golden claws he's wearing toy with your robe, reflecting back your own thinly pressed lips in their radiance. “Open up your mind, my muse. Let me in. Let yourself belong to me.”

“…I”

You took too long to respond.

That was apparent in the way his hand drew back. A stove hot to the touch to tender flesh. Leaving him wounded.

“You need rest. It's been a long night for you.”

“Right…I'm not even that tired though.” Not when your eyes had a place to scour over. To soak in all the rugs placed over the mildew-claimed floors, the lights buzzing with electricity that somehow worked all the way down here, and a well loved piano sitting atop it all.

“You will be. Just give it time.”

All while that same fog that has been chasing you both filled your vision.

You didn't even get the chance to ask Dottore what he meant by that as you fell into his arms. Eyes rolling back as you were greeted by the darkest dreams a mind could imagine.

“Took longer than I thought it would. I'll need to change the percentages in the concoction then. My fault for not testing the drug when it's airborne.”

Muttering to himself Dottore carried you to his bed and placed you down. Tongue clicking as he looked at you slowly being swallowed up but the mattress he had spent countless restless nights tossing and turning in. “Can't you see? Only you alone can make my music take flight…but that boy…”

Hands that were still burnt from your earlier refusal pulled a blanket up and over your shoulders; shaking unsteadily. They might as well have actually been burnt under a flame, set alight, for they twitched like embers were ingrained into his skin as Dottore lingered near you.

Silently watching.

“Once he's gone you can help me make the music of the night. But for now, simply rest well.”

Pressing a kiss to your forehead, Dottore left in favor of his piano, desperate for something to take the swirling storm in his head out on.

It was better that way.

It gave Dottore something to focus on that wasn't his cock straining against his pants as he set the sheets of an unfinished piece before him. Notes daring to be written on the yellowed paper, crinkled and worn after all times he's dug it out only to store it away again without adding a single drop of ink. His pen always did hang in the air, threatening to add something as Dottore busied himself with tapping at the keys; feather covered back turned to you as he tried to work.

Crude, Dottore thought as he huffed at just how wrong it all sounded to his self-taught ear.

It was the tapping that eventually stirred you, forcing your eyes to crack open only to be greeted by the sight of a metal bird staring down at you rather than the mask you had come to expect. Its head tilted to the side. Blue eyes glowing in the dark.

You didn't even get the chance to mutter a confused hello before it flew off with a squawk. Soaring. Long, almost vial-like tail flowing after it.

“What the…”

Grumbling, you pushed the blankets covering you away. Feet padding on the floor as you followed after its flapping wings.

Without your Angel by your side this place seemed different. Hollow, almost. Lonely, like a burnt out candle waiting to bring fire to this world again as it fails to shine. To the point you were glad to follow the song that never seemed to stop playing in your head all the way to a hunched figure.

Without turning back to look at you Dottore said: “I see you're awake. How are you doing, my muse?”

“Like I entered a fever dream.” Which would explain this labyrinth where the daylight dissolves into darkness. All except a faint glow leaving his skin an unearthly hue. “You see the bird too, right?”

Another tap of the keys laid out in front of him rang before Dottore spoke again.

“I do.”

“At least I'm not going crazy then.”

The feathers of his jacket greeted you first, brushing along your arms as they wrapped around him. Would the bird feel the same or would it lack Dottore's warmth you clung to? Would it feel as stiff as he froze under you like deer under the glow of a blinding light.

Funny, for a man who would take a life with as little emotion as a carriage running over a fawn's carcass.

“If you were going crazy I would be sure to tell you.” Dottore strangled out. Voice so tight you couldn't help but check you weren't accidentally pulling on that strap he wore around his throat (for some reason or another), but you weren't even so much as touching it.

“How thoughtful.”

“It's less being thoughtful and more the thought you of going”- his hand pulled away from the keys to gesture at something you couldn't see- “crazed might affect how you choose to sing. Though, it might add an interesting candor as you bear your heart and voice to the opera house.”

“And to its crowd.” You teased, eyes peeking up at him, at the mask he wore, from the feathered mantle you were snuggled up against.

You were so tempted to reach out and graze your fingers over the material, to feel the cold sting grace your skin before pulling it away to reveal what lay underneath. May it be a man or a monster your curiosity begged to know. Pleading into your ear. Only for you to remember the last time you tried as he sucked in an unsteady breath. How he pushed you away, raised a hand that never fell to your cheek as you crawled farther and farther away from him until your back hit a wall behind you.

He shook then just as Dottore is now.

“Yes, them too.”

So your hand didn't dare to try again. Instead it fell to the keyboard to tap over a note or two, fiddling with it to keep your mind off the need to pull away from him- to flee- that gnawed at you. After all, if this truly was a kingdom then what subject could truly run away without repercussions?

The monarch himself picked up the pen beside him, pinched it between those pointed claws, and the notes you had just played were written down on the piece of paper laid out before him.

“Are you writing a new piece?” You asked.

“I'm attempting to. Unfortunately, I am rather distracted.”

Ignoring the way his jaw jutted your way accusingly you continued to tap at the keys. And he continued to write each note down until he told you to sit beside him

“I don't think there's enough room on that bench you're using, Angel.”

His hands were on your waist in a second, the pen clattering as it dropped while Dottore pulled you on his lap. “I said: sit down.”

You barely noticed him picking the pen back up from the ground with his fingers playing with the laces of your corset; brushing over them all the way down to the messy bow you had tied together. At the time your hands had been shaking as the excitement to be on stage had rushed through you, but now your own jittery effort was undone by one single pull of the wirey cord.

Dottore’s touch burned, even through his gloves.

“So..a new piece?” You asked.

“Yes, but I was..admittedly struggling with composing it; on my own, that is. It would be a great help to me if you played another note.” The laces were tugged at again. “Or two. Or three.”

Even as the garment fell off you, only held up by your own hands, it felt harder to breathe than before. “I wouldn't mind, really, but was this necessary?”

Dottore's eyes flicked down between you, scalding you with the red fire inside of them that seemed to only be held back by a single barrier of glass, begging to shatter under the stress. “I was undoing it to keep the corset from pressing on your diaphragm. I don't need your voice distorted.”

It was only a moment later Dottore tacked on “That's all” even as he leaned in closer to you, hand trailing up your back just as softly as the air from his lips was gracing yours. Only an inch apart. Getting closer, closer, and closer to the point you could see deformities in the mask.

Then his head fell to your neck.

“You'll help me f-” Dottore cut himself off, shutting his own trail of thought down. “For my music, won't you, my muse?”

Your hand met the piano, trying to play another note even as his hand dropped from your back and you fell against the keys. The chord cluster had your fingers curling around the white tiles; the damned bird squawked with a jump, only causing your grip to tighten at the shrill sound.

“I'm the one who interrupted your focus, so..” You cleared your throat. “Yes, teacher.”

Dottore replied back with an excellent, already clearly hard at work again as his pen moved, writing the notes you accidentally slammed down on. Black ink trailing off with every flick of his wrist as Dottore's hand slid up to where yours was keeping the corset up and pressed his thumb right over your diaphragm; fingers tickling your ribcage.

“Try to sing a note.”

Without a second to doubt his reasons you obeyed, and Dottore nodded in thought.

“Excellent, just like that. Now, remind me, I don't think we've practiced singing while enduring rough activity, have we?” He asked, head tilting ever so slightly to the side as his eyes flicked over your form on top of him.

“No.” You got out even through the discomfort pressing at your chest.

“Then it's time to change that. Don't you agree?”

“It would be a waste to turn down an opportunity to learn, right? That's what you always say.” At this point you could probably parrot the exact cadence Dottore uses as he repeats those exact words, voice controlled, a lit to it you knew belonged to a man who enjoyed having eyes on him as he made a spectacle of how smart he was, all while teaching you. Usually, Dottore would posture, flick his cape when it gets in his way - not pull you from his lap and place you down on the piano behind you.

Another slam of the keys.

You shifted, trying to get comfortable in your new found place as you tried to figure out why you thought something had been poking at your thigh the entire time Dottore had been holding you close. Had you sit with him on the stool clattering to the floor in Dottore's rush to push it away and kneel before you.

You had half a mind to comment how gross that had to be with these floors, but you were cut off by Dottore himself. “Have I ever told you nighttime has a way of heightening and sharpening each sensation?”

“Here and there.” You nodded. “But what does this have to do with your composition?”

The music sheet (one missing a title) was now cast aside, pen keeping it in place from any stray breeze hoping to pick it up and force it to fall along with the stool. Abandoned by its own creator without mercy for his hands had left it to play with the hem of your skirts; pushing them up and along your legs.

“Oh that's quite simple, but it seems my muse can't figure it out on her own.” Dottore clicked his tongue with a harsh tch. “Sometimes I swear you need everything spelled out for you.”

Ripples ran along your thigh as the cool metal of Dottore's claws graced your skin, from your hip to your ankle as he dragged your undergarments down. “I'll simply draw the notes out of you. You can just lay back and feel it all, savor each sensation.”

“Angel-”

“Oh, and-” Dottore's eyes raised from the sight of your skirts now bunched around your waist, pushed out of the way for his convenience. All to place a single kiss on your thigh that you nearly jerked away from. Only held in place due to the grip he had on you; mercilessly keeping you still even as a heat crept over your cheeks. “And make sure to use your voice.”

Your leg was hooked over his shoulder, the feathers from before taunting you as they brushed against your skin. Were you supposed to grab them or his hair? Were you supposed to yank him back and ask what this was about or let him keep leaning in closer?

The puff of air breathed out on your core answered before you could decide for yourself. And you were suddenly grateful you were sitting on the piano instead of trying to keep yourself up, afloat, as sharp teeth nibbled at your skin leaving your knees feeling weak even after all the years of ballet lessons that strengthened them. Hours of holding poses, perfecting them until you were given a nod of approval from Madame Giry, all suddenly for naught.

“I-I don't think this is very appropriate.”

“You said you'd help me.”

“Well, granted, I did, but-”

His tongue slid along your folds, tasting the very essence you exude. A long strip, a long drag of his tongue on you, and you were a goner.

A single moan ripped through your throat had Dottore's hand reaching down, fumbling with the buttons on his pants (far too many for his liking right now) to push them aside as he tasted you again, again, and again. Only pulling back long enough- giving you a chance to recover- to whisper against your folds “Don't think about anything besides me, my muse. Just me. Let me inside your mind.”

The keys pressed down, playing a soft melody every time your hips bucked up to chase after his touch; desperately trying to drag out more and more of the pleasure building in you. It was a raging fire flooding your soul, a need Dottore returned a hundredfold with a hand wrapping around his cock. Fucking it imagining it was you under him instead- bodies intertwining.

A minor, D minor, and E minor played on the piano, only drowned out by the sound of your cries and the wet sounds between your legs.

A strange duet that was wholefully one of your and Dottore's making.

His thumb brushed over the head of Dottore’s cock, smearing pre into his gloves as Dottore's tongue ravaged you with every bit of lust he'd tampered down over the years. Finally he was able to let it drain into you. Each moment of grazed hands, stolen glances and close calls coming to fruition as his tongue lapped at you.

Using you as a faucet to his molten need that never failed to be stoked, coals sparking with a fire burning alight, by your voice.

“That's it, give in to me. Give in to what I do to you.” Dottore barely managed to mutter between his own groans and hatred to be parted from you for a single second.

Your hand tugged at his hair, the questions you asked yourself long since tossed aside with the flame burning in your core, begging to be eased.

To be satiated.

You barely caught sight of the mechanical bird watching as your eyes rolled into the back of your head, the image of Dottore kneeling before you, head between your thighs as he stroked himself reflected back in its metal beak; warped image capturing the moment you came as the Opera Ghost himself made you sing.

You were too dazed to make out the notes you were playing anymore, only the fact they were turning in your head like a music box that never failed to draw you in as Dottore's head fell against your thigh. Slick coating his face (and parts of his mask), leaving it with a sheen he licked off as his hand moved. Hips stuttering up into the hole he made with a moan.

He called your name as he came, white sticky fluid splashing over the ground.

Blood red eyes staring up at you the entire time.

Speech seemed to turn into silence, words failing you, just out of reach of your outstretched hand desperately hoping to grasp onto anything to say in this moment. But all you could think about was how your blood was still racing.

Even when he had raised from the floor, ran a hand along your cheek, and finally kissed you you still had no clue what to say. Not even as your Angel whispered “Finally. You are so beautiful when you sing, my muse, to the point I couldn't smother your voice even when I longed to kiss you.”

Pulling you in his arms, Dottore held you close, hand running up and down your back, passing over the open laces of your corset.

“Don't you see? This is the music of the night.”

For you alone can make his song take flight.

Funny, how even wrapped up in his embrace, the heat of your release painting your thigh, you still felt cold.

And you longed for another to hold you tight.

#and the melody they made ends up being The Point of No Return #f for diluc tho. man just met his childhood sweetheart again and she's down in the basement getting tongue fucked #hoyoverse #genshin x reader #x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #fem reader #banner by cafekitsune #dottore x reader #il Dottore x reader #dottore #il Dottore

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literary-motif · 10 days ago

Text

Act I — The Proposal

Scene iv — The Informant

previous scene // overview // read on ao3 // next scene

Warnings: references to depression

The night felt hollow, or perhaps he was just drowning in his melancholy as his eyes caught the setting sun. The Collective was draining, and he could already feel the growing strain on him from keeping up with the world. It used to be so simple, eyeing his father as he sat slumped forward at the table in the living room, cradling a cup of coffee as he rubbed his temples tiredly.

He used to wonder why he was so exhausted when all the power at his fingertips should have made him ecstatic, reigning with the grandeur of a king or emperor of the world. Instead, he looked so drained, crushed — not that he ever let it show outside these brief moments, curled around his mug. He had seemed so incredibly human then, so vulnerable that Asirel could not help but look away.

Now he understood, and he felt the same vulnerability creep up to him as he watched the sun set slowly on the first day of his new life.

Cementing his place in the Collective would be tedious. His colleagues were nice enough — understanding, gentle, likable — but he saw their lingering glances, the appraising looks they shot him, trying to figure him out. They did not respect him yet, and fighting for that respect would be a mountain of work that needed to be climbed to make his plans be heard.

You seemed to trust him already, and somehow that support felt like a safety net below him, cushioning his fall if he should slip. He did not feel like he needed to prove himself to you — why that was he could not tell — but that did not mean he did not want to.

He wanted you to treasure his loyalty. He wanted you to look at him not merely as the little apprentice his father had seen you as — no doubt because of the large age gap between you — but as a colleague, a friend, a confidant. He wanted this alliance. He wanted this connection.

Asirel was exhausted already, and the day was not even over yet. The blue card was heavy in his chest, silently taunting him, asking him the question that had been rummaging in his mind since you had told him what it was: who can you trust? Who can you trust?

He drew a blank. There was no obvious choice. He resolved to hold onto it himself for the time being. The feeling sent a jolt of pain to his heart.

Lonely. He was lonely. He felt deserted.

This tentatively amicable relationship he had with you truly was his only tether. This new life he had been thrust into as his father perished, the one he accepted when he slipped the ring on his finger with shaking hands, had put an insurmountable rift between him and his family.

Yes. He was alone in this.

His mother could barely look at him without tearing up, the pain of who she had lost much too fresh as his father’s shadow clung to him like a phantom. His sister pretended, but he saw her walking on eggshells around him as if she did not know him anymore. It was painful. It tore out his heart and left it shredded at his feet.

He longed to fix this, mend whatever unspoken tether had snapped between them and pulled them worlds apart. But he knew it was useless. Time would mend the rift, or solidify the edges enough that he did not fear the ground crumbling beneath him.

This was his new reality — this lonely, bleak, sharp darkness pulling around him like a cloak of mystery, obscuring the depths of the fall enough that he could pretend a slip would lead him to be cushioned against these clouds of blackness.

You brushed a finger along the delicate petal of a rose, the last one blossoming in the autumn twilight. It had nearly wilted, the weather turning much too cold for it now, but it held steady, soaking up whatever minerals the ground still offered it to stay alive a moment longer. You suppressed the urge to snap it off and end its suffering.

“We are nothing without intel,” you said, straightening your back again — leaving the rose to fend for itself — and tearing Asirel out of his reverie. “Knowledge is everything in this line of work. People kill for it, people die for it — remember that throughout. The Informant is your greatest asset, when they are good at what they do. And once you find one who is, you better never let them go.”

He hummed, turning from watching the sunset to look at your figure standing on the pathway, back to the nearly empty rose bushes as you faced him. Your somber expression made him pause, wondering for the first time how many of theconnections you were showing to him had actually been his father’s before. It felt like you had revealed a deep truth to him, one that he knew, of course — like he knew that everything would die in the end. Memento mori. God please let me forget the phrase — but had not fully internalized yet.

He knew knowledge and information were important. It was all the Collective operated on. But feeling the fact would be something different entirely.

The leaves rustled behind you. A twig snapped. You had only a moment to snap your jaw shut before a deep voice spoke. “Is that why you kept me busy for so long? You flatter me.”

A tall man stepped around the bushes, following the little trail to its end and coming onto the pathway. His coat was dark blue — Asirel was beginning to notice a pattern of blue stringing through this life. Blue and gold and red — his black leather shoes were faintly coated in mud. He had a beard, graying hair dusting what had once been a head of pitch-black hair.

Asirel thought he seemed distantly familiar.

The man looked at you, an amused twinkle in his eyes as you stared back unimpressed.

“Mr. Rhoades,” you greeted, making a show of checking your watch despite your words carrying no bite nor reproach. “You’re ten minutes late.”

“What a way to greet your ‘greatest asset,’” he said, allowing a low chuckle to pass his lips at your scowl.

The wind picked up, making the leaves rustle. The lighthearted moment was gone in a blink, buried under the strain of things — important business. Happiness was fleeting. Duty lingered.

“You’ll find out why in a minute,” Mr. Rhoades said, eyes settling on Asirel. “Mr. Cain, I presume? You look just like your father. It is a pleasure to meet you again, although different circumstances would have been more ideal.”

The comment should not have stung as much as it did. Asirel found himself averting his gaze, hands clenched into fists at his sides to distract himself from the burning fire that had erupted in his chest.

“The pleasure is all mine,” he said tensely, hoping beyond reason that the private investigator before him did not notice his reaction.

If he did, Mr. Rhoades said nothing. His eyes softened minimally, but he turned back to face you before Asirel could be sure.

A silent conversation seemed to take place between you. A few beats of silence passed before you spoke. “Go on,” you said, dismissing Mr. Rhoades’ hesitation. “Speak freely.”

He clenched his jaw, glancing at Asirel. “Are you sure?”

It suddenly dawned on him that you were talking about him.

Knowledge was everything — as was anonymity, he began to understand — and the person who proquieted it for you and revealed his hand in the process had good reason to be protective over both. He did not know what case Mr. Rhoades was working on, but he did not doubt that it was important, and talking about it in front of someone other than the person he knew he could trust — the person putting him on it — must feel like a violation of his innermost ideals.

He understood why you held onto him.

You narrowed your eyes, staring at him intently. Asirel’s presence at your elbow already felt like second nature. You trusted him. Why else would you have brought him here? Why else would you have tugged him along to meet your informant, the very spring of your knowledge?

You wanted him to be present. You wanted him to be part of this.

He found himself shaken, eyes widening at the realization that your agreement — loyalty for information — had already turned into your status quo, when he was still trying to adjust. You had accepted his word, moving on with this newly established dynamic as if it was something you had known all your life. As if it was something you could swear by.

The loyalty went both ways. Trust did, too.

The well of loneliness in him deepened. He swallowed thickly, gaze falling to the withering rose.

“Yes,” you answered decisively.

Mr. Rhoades did not hesitate (trust went three ways) reaching into his coat and pulling out a thin beige folder. “Two things,” he said, opening it carefully and pressing it into your awaiting hands. “Samuel Kennedy is more of an enigma than I initially thought. His work in the Court is bizarre. Things aren’t adding up properly, and I am not sure why. He is hiding something, and I need a little more time to figure it out. His gambling ring in Vegas is already well-explored. There is a vague connection to aviation, but I cannot quite see through the web of business relations he has. There is something important there he has put a lot of resources into hiding. It bothers me.”

Asirel perked up. “Kennedy?” he asked, eyebrows furrowing. Something rattled in his brain. The right and honorable Samuel Kennedy. But It was not Samuel he recalled, written in gold letters against a dark gray wall as he watched the smoke of his father’s cigar float up in the air, the whiskey on his tongue. “As in Robert Kennedy?”

Mr. Rhoades' gaze settled on him as if he were a book, written in a language he could not yet understand.

“His brother, yes,” you replied, looking at the pages carefully filed away. Little snippets of intel showed you Mr. Rhoades was making progress, but they were not enough to make the bigger picture click into place. “A member of— of the Court. He did not quite make the cut for the inner circle. A bit too bland. Do you know him?”

“Not personally. I’ve heard about him,” Asirel answered, looking at you but giving nothing away. The Court, was it? He began to think that you kept more secrets than you let on. “He owns a chain of bars, as far as I know.”

“Real estate is his true passion,” Mr. Rhoades said, waving a hand as if to disperse the conversation. “I will get back to you when I know more. There are leads I need to follow first. Now” — he turned the page, the paper falling open to a black-and-white picture of a demolished restaurant, smoke rising from behind it — “to the second issue.”

You groaned, recognizing the street. “This is bad news,” you muttered. “Penance? Skoligs?”

“Vex, as far as I can tell,” Mr. Rhoades said. “It is difficult to keep up, especially with the Kennedy case branching so wide. There was a blackout not long ago — the reason I was late, by the way. Some wounded, a few dead. It appears to be a confrontation between the Wraiths and Vex. Local disruption, but the fallout beyond Stockton is minimal, which is why you did not know about this sooner.”

“Disappointing,” you said, glaring at the picture. “Tara told me she was on top of things.”

Mr. Rhoades hesitated, licking his lips as he took back the folder. “Suppose she keeps secrets,” he said, his piercing gaze cutting through you.

The warning was clear. It was one you had heard many times. It was the reason the rest of the inner circle was content to let you handle the gangs running amok in Stockton. They were too unpredictable. It was next to impossible to steer them, unless you had your hooks in them already, and your connection with Tara made you an exceptionable charioteer.

Pupett.

Well, it was more like a never-ending fight on the edge of a cliff. She had a sword. You had a gun.

“Suppose she was just as surprised as we are,” you countered.

“Likely,” he said, tucking the folder back in his coat. “But sometimes it is good to wonder. I suppose you will take care of this?”

You nodded, already feeling a headache approaching from the loaded conversation with her.

He hummed, hand hovering over his pocket.

“Go on,” you said, looking at him expectantly. You took the pristine white envelope he pressed into your hand. He did not let it go.

“If I may be so bold,” he began, gaze flickering to Asirel before settling on you again, choosing his words carefully. “If you do not reach out, I firmly believe you will come to regret—”

“Careful,” you warned, eyes flashing with a quiet rage that told him to stop pushing.

He did, letting go of the envelope and the information it contained (so very dear to you that you could not help tucking it away hastily).

“Everything in order, then?” he asked dutifully, returning to business as if the whole ordeal had never happened.

Asirel watched the exchange quizzically, eyeing your hand pocketing the envelope with a bitter feeling. You did not trust him quite that much after all. Or perhaps the matter was personal.

The knowledge we agreed upon does not include that about me. There was truth to your words. He should have expected this.

“Everything in order, Mr. Rhoades. Thank you for your service.”

The wording made him roll his eyes, always feeling like a knight when you spoke of his ‘service.’ He ran a hand through his hair, giving you a small smile regardless. “It’s simple business,” he said.

That’s when you saw it, the little sticker of a blooming blue orchid on the sleeve of his coat. You could not suppress a fond chuckle. He noticed your reaction, following your line of sight.

His eyes widened, peeling off the sticker immediately as a faint blush colored his cheeks. You noted how he did not crumple it, no doubt waiting for a moment to tuck away little Isaac’s gift.

#a tragedy in five acts #asirel cain #asirel cain x reader

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romanoffsbish · 2 years ago

Text

A Warm Hand, and Your Loving Touch…

Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Fluffy birthday fic for the softie that is Natty. ❤️

Smut: Subby Nat, Mistress (R), Bunny (N), Cum-Filled Strap (Oral/Penetration), Oral (N) Nipple Clamps (N), Kinks: Breeding, Stomach Bulge, Degradation, Praising. Aftercare 🥰

18+ | Minors DNI ‼️

Shoutout to @mostlymarvelsstuff for helping with the overall concept of the fic/inspiring it. ❤️

Natasha entered your apartment with only one thing on her mind, but as she pushed the door open she deflated when noticing the living space was vacant. Normally she would get off work and enter your place to find your smiling face awaiting her arrival, it's a constant she'd grown accustomed to, but judging by how silent the space is it appears you're not even home. After setting her coat on the rack along with her bag she set off to find out where you might be. Part of her was on the verge of panicking seeing as how you didn't tell her you'd be out, but she also knew very well how impulsive you could be, and it's more likely that you ran to the store than it would be that you were kidnapped by an enemy of hers.

As the redhead enters your room she is hopeful to find you there, but instead she's met with a variety of differing things sprawled across your mattress, at the very center there laid a folded up note with her name neatly written on the front that brought a genuine smile to her face. Natasha had never celebrated her birthday in all the years she'd been free'd, but deep down she'd hoped you would change that tradition, and judging by the instructions you left for her to get ready for an unorthodox picnic in the dead of Fall she'll likely be getting her wish.

She takes another glance at the items on the bed, an emerald green sweater dress was first to catch her eye. It wasn't lost on her that you selected the shade to match her eyes that you never failed to gush about. You'd paired it with fleece lined faux sheer stockings and white snow boots and right next to that selected outfit sat a small basket of new bath products. A smile lit up her face as she realized it's the brand she mentioned to you the other day, something she's wanted to try for a while now that's more masculine than her usual products.

She swiftly scoops the basket into her arms and heads to the bathroom with it. Once in front of the bathtub her smile only widens as she sees you've spread out some candles and rose petals around for her to enjoy while she relaxes after her stressful day. She begins to fill it up with water before adding in a splash of her bubble bath, only lighting the candles once she's settled into the warm steaming water.

Natasha had one thing on her mind when she walked into the apartment today, after weeks spent on varying missions she'd missed you dearly. Her need for you was strong, and so she reasoned that no matter your plans for today, she was certain she'd be getting lucky tonight. So after allowing her muscles ample time to recover from her strenuous day she decided it was likely time to start her hygiene regimen.

She shivered as she stood up as the bitter chill from the outside seeped into your apartment. She reached for her shaving cream first, using the draining water in the tub she rinsed the razor off after every couple strokes. Once her skin was void of excess hair she turned the shower on, effectively warming her body back up, and allowing her the chance to properly wash and condition her thick red locks. Then the last thing on her agenda was to try out the new foaming body wash you got her. A deep woodsy scent filled the steamed up shower as she squeezed the soap out onto the loofah, she reveled in the desired scent and began to rub it all over her body in the hopes that it would hopefully linger.

Upon exiting the shower she dried off with the plush white towel you'd left out for her. There was a distinct level of warmth to the fabric telling her you'd likely thrown it into the dryer for her, that tidbit warmed her heart, and it only made her need to get to you grow tenfold. She then made quick work of her skincare routine, using the accompanying lotion you provided before moving on to applying the barest layer of makeup.

Natasha then moved into the bedroom where she got dressed just as quickly. She admired the beautiful outfit you selected for her while adding a few pieces of complementary jewelry from her abundant collection on. An emerald necklace laid perfectly within the dip of her collarbone, matching the smaller emeralds that now adorned her lower ears. They stood out in comparison to the multitude of silver rings running up her right lobe. Her hands would normally have a variety of silver rings across them, but she chose to forgo them upon seeing the matching green gloves you set out for her. The redhead knew better than to ignore the fabric meant to keep her hands warm, so she reluctantly slipped them on. After sliding into the boots you set out for her she shut the lights off throughout the space, fed a meowing Liho, then she was racing out the door to get to you.

The walk to your "spot" wasn't long, but she took her time on the jaunt to the community garden. Her mind was racing with possibilities for what to expect, you'd been known to keep her on her toes; everyday was a new adventure for the redhead whenever you were involved. Normally she craved a sense of stability in her personal life, but she's learned that even with all your spontaneity, you still grounded her. Life with you was a dream come true, and every step that brought her closer to you caused her heart to beat even harder, and when she finally saw you she was near to melting.

There beneath the heated gazebo stood the most precious thing she'd honestly ever seen. She watched as you focused in on the table, a furrowed expression overtook your face when you readjusted the vase full of faux flowers. Shamelessly she looked you over, you'd chosen to wear the light brown, corduroy suit from your collection, the one she told you was her favorite time and time again. Her cheeks hurt from smiling so much already, but the glimpse of your emerald green button up shirt to match her dress only made her smile grow wider. Ever the prepared one, you were also wearing gloves, and snow boots, but you also had on a light brown beanie, and a plush black scarf.

Natasha knew she should make her arrival clear to you, but she enjoyed watching you move about fixing everything that was perfectly fine. This neurotic side of you was a place of amusement for her most days, she wouldn't ever complain either, because it always ends up proving fruitful in the end for whatever you do. However, it's absolutely freezing since the snow had decided to lightly fall from the sky. Her body shivered once the flakes touched her face, causing her body to jolt, and for her leg to shift and her boot to then crash down into a fallen twig; effectively breaking the silence.

"Natty!," she smirked at your excited voice, you'd finally noticed her arrival, and in true you fashion you rushed over to embrace her., "Oh, you're shivering, come now.," you quickly dragged the redhead underneath the gazebo, and she was immediately enveloped by the blowing heaters warmth. This didn't seem to satisfy you though, because much to her dismay you wrapped a white scarf around her neck, and before she could stop you a white fur cossack hat was being pulled onto her head. You beamed at the sight of your lover., "Cute.," you booped her reddened nose for emphasis, then you pulled her in for an overdue kiss., "Happy 38th Birthday my precious love."

Natasha groaned playfully against your lips., "Must you mention my change in age?," you giggled, which is exactly what she wanted to hear., "There's nothing wrong with aging Nat, and I think it's important to note you're doing so gracefully—like the finest of wines.," you pecked her lips once more, smiling rather triumphantly upon noticing her red cheeks., "Detka, this all looks delicious.," Natasha tries to change the subject, and your heart warms at the shyness you always seem to evoke from the outwardly confident woman., "Thanks love, Wands definitely helped me pull it together."

Natasha, ever the gentlewoman, pulled your chair out for you, then her lips pressed to your cheek as she shuffled you closer to the table. Then after a second of up close observation of your face she took her space across from you, settling in for a lively dinner full of her faves. The food didn't last long, a testament to your collective best friends cooking skills, but the conversation was never ending. Nat wasn't much of a talker, but she supposes that was because she never found someone she trusted enough to listen to her stories before she found you—even Clint couldn't get her to open up like this. The archer was never offended by this information, he happily welcomed your presence, and Nat knew she picked a good one once he let her know of his valued approval.

After the bottle of wine was finished off you decided to call it, the snow was only seeming to pick up, and you both wanted to beat feet before it could lead into torrential territory. Natasha sat in her seat with a pout on her face while you cleaned up, she didn't like not being able to help you, but deep down she enjoyed the special treatment you were showing her., "Birthday girls don't clean up, they sit there and look pretty.," is what you said to her, and the red that once tinted her cheeks returned.

Once you threw out all the easily disposable things you apologized to the environment, then linked your fuzzy hand with your girlfriends. Natasha wasn't exactly ready to return to the apartment though, so she dropped your hand. Just as you spun around to see what was wrong your face dropped at the sight of your lover. That signature lopsided smirk you usually loved adorned her face, causing you to gulp when you saw the rounded ball of white in her hand., "Nat, don't you even think about it.," you warned, but you were well aware she wasn't going to drop it so you ran to take cover, and only narrowly escaped the cold projectile.

"Detka, come on, don't hide from me now.," she taunted, you stood up from behind the rock you'd used as a shield, chuckling dangerously as you locked eyes with the curious redhead. Her eyes fell to your arms, they were loaded with snowballs, and though she was normally quick on her feet she couldn't beat your arm. Not when she was stunned by your alarming efficiency at forming the balls of fallen snow., "I yield! Detka, please, I'm sorry.," she shrieks as the snowballs continued to pelt into her, breaking apart as it collided with her body and falling into places it surely didn't belong.

"Is that right? The big, bad Black Widow is yielding huh?," you teased while also dropping your remaining ammo in favor of helping her to brush the snow off of her, but you were soon gasping when a pile of snow was smushed into your face., "You little cheater.," you growled, Natasha laughed boisterously in response as you shoved her away, she even nearly fell back into the snow, but fortunately her boots were sturdy., "Detka, wait, come back!!"

Natasha was quick to chase your retreating form down, spinning you around by the hold she managed to get on your hip, before you could protest she pressed her soft lips to yours, causing your body to collide with a tree as she leaned her body into yours., "That was fun.," you rolled your eyes while shoving her away., "For you maybe, my face feels frozen.," you grumbled, your eyes shone with amusement though, and the redhead happily took your extended hand back into hers for the rest of the short walk back to your apartment.

Once the door opened the both of you made quick work shedding your wetted articles of clothing from your body. A smirk graced your lips when Natasha was left in her lingerie, the sight of the matching lacy red set not lost on you, but that would have to wait., "That's not fair.," Natasha grumbled upon noticing all you had to remove was your jacket, but thankfully for you that was the case because one of her presents was tucked away beneath your suit pants., "Oh hush up now, maybe next time you'll wear your coat, and also never start a snowball war with a seasoned veteran."

Natasha playfully rolled her eyes, then she attempted to hug you for warmth but you held your arm out to stop her which drew a pitiful whine from her throat., "Detka, I'm cold...," you smiled sympathetically, but you stood your ground simply because you needed your arms to grab her gift from the counter, and she was quick to quiet down when you handed her the beautifully wrapped box. It made your heart skip when she snatched it, and tore it to pieces. This child like innocence was something only you ever got to see, and you never took it for granted when she acted this way.

Natasha's eyes stared at the gift for a long time, then her body surged into your expectant arms. She sobbed lightly, soaking your undershirt but you didn't really care, her clear appreciation was enough of a reason not to., "I love it.," she finally manages to say, and you smile at the soft look on her face when she pulls away to admire the gift once more. The object of her affection was now in your sight again, and you too admired the craftsmanship of the globe. You'd had your first date at the ice skating rink from this years January memorialized. Two tiny figures sharing your likeness held hands, one dressed properly while the other braved the cold in jeans and a t-shirt as the both of them not so gracefully skated around the rink. Natasha shook the toy, watching the way that the water bubbled at the top, and how the white speckles that symbolized the snow fell., "It's absolutely perfect detka, and it's going on the mantle.," she cheered as she gratefully pecked your lips just before turning to place it.

As soon as she turned away you made your leave for the bedroom, and Natasha was left following the trail of clothing you left behind in your wake, which left her feeling rather excited. The door was shut as she expected, she carefully opened it to find you sat on the bed. Her eyes nearly bulged out of the sockets at the mere sight of you; a smirk consumed your face at her stunned expression, you were properly bare, with a thick strap she'd never seen before dangling from between your legs, and in your right hand was a dangling set of nipple clamps.

Natasha felt a new level of excitement fill her at the sight of the brand new toys, the ones she'd been begging you to get for a few months now, and a big part of her is touched that you would save such things for her birthday., "Like what you see bunny?," your low tone caused a shiver to run through the redheads body, and straight to her core that was already dripping for you. She nodded, and without another word from you Natasha was walking to stand before you., “Strip for your mistress, show me just how badly you want my special cock baby girl…”

Without any hesitation she unclasped her bra, her hands flew up to her breasts upon their freeing, she pressed them together, and began to knead at the flesh to entice you, her head was soon thrown back as she began to tweak her sensitive nipples for show, your clit throbbed at the sound of her moans, and she lifted her head to see how worked up you were already getting. The need to please you was always high for the redhead, so she slowly trailed her hands down her body, the way her breasts ended up falling back into place and slightly bouncing as they did pulled an affected groan from you that had her biting her lip to fight off her prideful smirk.

Once her hands reached the hem of her panties she’d taken notice of how you stroked the strap as if it was truly your own cock, the way with which you pressed the base of the strap told her you were receiving immense pleasure from the pressure against your clit. An almost angry bit of jealousy surged through her, because sure you were aroused by her display, but it was still your hand pleasuring you and not her. Swiftly she removed her panties, and before you could reprimand her for being in a rush she was on her knees before you. The way she looked up at you made your mouth run dry, the need to please was ever clear in her submissive eyes, and you weren’t going to combat that.

Natasha smiled when your hand affectionately cupped her cheek, and your thumb slowly traced over her plump lower lip., “Does my precious bunny wanna suck me off, hm?,” she nodded fervently causing you to chuckle softly. You leaned down, softly pressing your lips to hers to catch her whimpers as you attached the clamps to her nipples without much warning. You remained there, allowing her this soft moment to get used to the new sensation, and where your tongue could explore her mouth. Natasha moaned into the kiss when you tugged on the chain, testing the durability, as well as her tolerance, and you were pleased with both.

Letting go of the chain you could feel the way she shivered when the cold chain touched her skin, her hands now settled on your thighs. Your tongue slid from her mouth as you pulled away from her lips, a slight reluctance in your movements because parting from her lush lips never really gets any easier for you. Still, the show must go on, and go on it did as you watched her tongue lick up from the base of your strap, her eyes deadlocked with yours as her lips wrapped around the thick tip. Barely moving down she still managed to apply the kind of pressure necessary to pull a moan., “You’re already doing so good for me on your very special day bunny, I’m so proud of you.”

Natasha thrived on your praises, so it was of no surprise to you when she managed to take even more of your strap into her mouth, or to see that her thighs were harshly rubbing together. Normally you would reprimand her for seeking her relief in such a way, but seeing as it was her birthday you cut her a little slack, but not too much as your hips suddenly thrust even more of the cock down her more than ready throat. Natasha’s favorite pastime was having your strap down her throat, you could be watching a movie on an off day, and she’d instantly be on her knees in your living room ready to please. Even if this strap was testing her limits, proof of this in the way tears cascaded down her face, mixing with the drool overtaking her chin, she was still not giving up on taking it all.

Her movements were sloppy as she bobbed as far as she could, a form of relief came in when your hand naturally wove through her hair, and you took over the entire process on your road to bliss. Natasha prepared herself, taking in a harsh breath just before you began to hold her head still while your hips thrust upwards. Natasha’s gagging, and her drool that pooled at the base of the strap that was now slowly dripping down your skin only aroused you further. Not long after you took over were you screaming out her name like a prayer, your slick now trailing down your ass as you ever so slowly brought your thrusting to a stop.

Natasha gasped when you relinquished your hold, a fit of harsh coughs tore from her, while your body fell back onto the bed momentarily. Once you regained your composure you sat up, your hands once again found your lovers mussed up face and you beamed at the sight. She smiled at you just the same, and happily allowed you to guide her face to yours for a sloppy kiss before you lifted her onto the bed. Flat on her back she stared up at you in wonder and you looked at her with eyes full of lust., “I’m going to treat you so well bunny, gonna take care of you like you need.,” her eyes were full of love as you spoke so tenderly, and her lips upturned when she felt your body on hers.

As your lips met hers your hand was tenderly exploring her heat, she moaned languidly into your mouth when you trailed over her clit. It was more than clear to you that she was ready for all you had to offer, but still, you wanted to taste her so you trailed your lips down her body en route to her dripping core. Your tongue was quick to lick a stripe up her slit, while your hands happily settled onto the chain.

The first orgasm of the night for Natasha came quickly with how expertly your tongue worked her over, that coupled with the brutal way in which you tugged on the chain had her back arching in no time as she screamed for you. Her delicious arousal now covered the lower half of your face and slowly coated your throat, your lips slowly trailed back up her body, the marks you know she desperately loved you to leave were perfectly scattered across her body, and she was making the prettiest of noises as you made your way back to her awaiting lips.

Lining your cock up with her entrance you thrusted only the tip into her, catching her whines as you did. Natasha’s face contorted painfully at the stretch, this was a bit larger than the usual strap you’d use, so it took her a second to adjust., “Breathe bunny, I got you.,” you softly reassured her before thrusting the rest of your length into her, you peppered soft kisses across her face while she momentarily adjusted. Moving ever so slightly to gauge her comfort worked in your favor as she moaned loudly, and with that confirmation your hips began to set a pace that had her legs shaking.

"Oh bunny, look at you... What a mindless whore you are for your mistress's cock...," you taunted the woman who lied beneath you, a blabbering mess as you continued to pound your strap into her dripping cunt at a brutal pace., "Isn't that right?," you smirked when she managed to hum out a soft yes., "All you ever want is to have that greedy cunt of yours sheathed over my cock as you chase down your own release like the selfish whore you are.," Natasha's walls clenched around you the more you spoke, your dirty words and the nasty truth they held managing to push her to the brink.

"Mistress, please, can I cum?," she cries out as the pit in her stomach tightens to a nearly unbearable degree., "Want me to fuck my babies into you bunny?," you grunted out as the power of your thrust caused the hilt of the harness to rub against you just right., "Fuck, you'll look so hot with my cum dripping out of you, I'm going to fill you so well you'll feel me dripping out of your messy cunt for days...,"

"Please fill me up mistress, oh God, I'm so close... I-I need, mhm...," your thumb swirling over her throbbing clit shut her pitiful pleading up., "Shh... Hold it a bit for me bunny, I'm almost there, wanna cum with you.," you softly panted, the pressure was steadily building up within you, and the newfound sight of your strap causing her stomach to protrude had you instantly teetering over that blissful edge. Natasha moaned brokenly when you impulsively pressed against her bulging stomach that your unrelenting thrusts caused.

"Otpusti krolika.," you hotly murmured your permission to her in her mother tongue. Natasha's eyes widened as your accented words hit her brain, your hand slid down swiftly to press against the straps cum reservoir. With a rather harsh thrust you released into her, painting her pulsing walls with the sticky substance that was soon mixing with hers as that tight pit in her stomach finally burst, causing her orgasm to come gushing out of her, and boy were you speechless at the sight.

(Let go bunny)

Her abundant release left you astonished, with the way it absolutely soaked the sheets, and drenched your thighs. Natasha whimpered as your strap drove into her even deeper when you collapsed into her, the sight alone of her squirting lead you into one of the most blissful orgasms of your life. Natasha and you were breathing erratically in tandem, her chest heaved as yours fell, the both of you absolutely spent from your intimate moments shared.

Once you'd calmed down you peered up to see Natasha already smiling down at you dreamily. As gently as you could you pulled out of her, she still groaned at the movement though, and the sudden emptiness left her cunt feeling unnaturally hollow. She didn't dwell on the thought for long though as you teasingly pulled on her nipple clamps, and the action made her moan while her cunt pulsed around nothing, the thick remnants of your mixed cum gushing out of her leaving you awestruck., "Jesus Nat, you're likely going to be the death of me.," you groaned just before leaning down to kiss her, and the both of you sighed in contentment.

"We both know if I wanted you dead, I'd have already made it happen.," she teased you as you pulled away, you smirked while lightly tugging on the clamps again, earning you quite the glare., "Never tease when you don't have the upper hand bunny.," you reminded her, then in a show of mercy you gently removed the clamps from her nipples. You then used your tongue to briefly soothe the tender nubs, pulling a moan of relief from the redhead who's hand quickly fell to your hair to keep you there.

Then as fast as you could you cleaned the both of you up, applying a soothing salve to your lovers tender nipples, then while she used the restroom you changed out the sheets. Nat was waiting for you on the toilet as her legs felt a bit too much like jello to allow her to return to bed and you didn't leave her there for too long. Natasha tiredly lifted her arms, allowing you to slip your tank over her head, then for her to also wrap them around your neck and snuggle into you so you could lay her down, with your head atop of her shoulder as she preferred.

With your hand tracing circles against your lovers shoulder, and hers doing the same to your back you found the moment peaceful. It was a perfect moment, truly, but then you took notice of the time flashing in the darkened room—11:50PM. Natasha's body jolted up when yours did, she attempted to see what was so wrong but you were racing out of the room. The sheet going with you to shield you from the cold, but more so from Liho's judgmental gaze as you scrambled around the kitchen in search of what you needed to end the special night.

Natasha was two seconds away from getting up herself to make sure you were okay, fortunately the bedroom door flew open, and the sight had her eyes glossing over with tears of pure joy. There you stood slightly panting from all the running, a soft yellow light illuminating your face, flickering about as you approached her. Never once did her eyes leave your face, you sang the traditional tune rather sillily, and so it completely threw her off for the way you ended the song., "S dnem rozhdeniya tebya Natalia.," the tears fell, and you smiled softly at her while nodding to the candle, "Zagadat' zhelaniye."

(Happy Birthday Natalia.) (Make a wish)

Natasha wiped her tears from her cheeks, then she closed her eyes to give the illusion that she was thinking, her lips puckered and she blew a soft gust of air in your direction causing the room to be blanketed in darkness once more. Her hands clapped together to trigger your lamps, and she was graced with your beautiful smile as the lights beside the bed flickered on., "What did you wish for?," you teasingly asked while handing her the singular cupcake., "Nothing.," your brows furrowed skeptically., "Seriously, I have all I could possibly need right here detka, you're my greatest wish come true."

Natasha welcomed the kiss you leaned in for, she tasted of confectioners sugar as the icing on her tongue transferred to yours. The kiss was deep, but it wasn't heated in the slightest. It was one of those rare moments where the two of you got to just feel each other, the love flowing between the two of you without a word spoken. Natasha cherished the closeness while her mind was replaying the moment prior where she did make that silly birthday wish.

A wish that came to be a reality only a month later when she dropped down on one knee, swearing to give you all of her if you'd just say yes, and to her hearts truest desire you did..

——————————————————————

5,036 Words

🥰 Kaitlyn 🥵

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff fic #natasha romanoff oneshot #natasha romanoff smut #gxg #natasha x reader #natasha x y/n #natasha x fem!reader #natasha x you #natasha romanoff x female reader #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x y/n #natasharomanoffpov #black widow fluff #black widow x reader #black widow smut

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imagine-a-life-like-this · 1 year ago

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Always Him : Chapter 18

Word Count : 1.6k

Warnings : swearing, drinking, drugs, mentions of cheating, mentions of sex, mentions of a toxic relationship, name calling, fighting

Y/n met Jeongin when they were still kids playing on the playground. She remembers being pushed by another boy when Jeongin came out of nowhere, pushing the boy that pushed her, and helping her to her feet. He kept asking if she was okay. Their friendship quickly blossomed. With linked pinkies, they promised to always be by each other’s side, and he vowed to never let harm come her way.

By junior high they were inseparable. Wherever she went, he was close behind, and vice versa. He was the one she would turn to when it felt like the world was crumbling in. And she was the one he turned to when he felt like he wasn’t good enough. They protected each other. They saved each other.

Jeongin was her only friend by the time they reached high school. Other friends had left her, betrayed her, broke her heart, left her crying in Jeongin’s arms. It was his least favourite sight, seeing her stain his shirt with tears.

When Kayla and Mae came along, taking Y/n under their wing, Jeongin was skeptical, glaring at them whenever they joined them for lunch, or after school hang outs. But Y/n would always assure him that they were different than girls in the past. They truly cared about her, loved her unconditionally. I’m glad you found that kind of love, lovey. She remembers him saying, petting her head, a smile on his face.

She remembers when he confessed, taking her for a picnic as he always did during summer weekends. Mae, an aspiring chef, helped cook all her favourite foods. Flower petals were laying on the picnic blanket, and she couldn’t help but tear up at the sight, at all the hard work he did for her. Honestly, if it wasn’t for Kayla, I don’t think I ever would have known I was in love with you. He chuckled. But I think apart of me always knew. From that very first day on the playground.

Falling in love with Jeongin wasn’t something she expected, but as she listened to his confession, it was all she could think about. Somewhere along the way, she fell head over heels in love with her best friend.

If you asked anyone that knew them in high school where they’d be today, they would tell you without a doubt they’re married and starting a family. Jeongin and Y/n were end game. Childhood friends to lovers. They knew the best and worst of each other and still loved each other anyway.

First year of university, after two years of being together, the cracks began to show. He began to get more possessive, glaring at any guy that came near her. He would even glare at Mae’s boyfriend at the time, Jisung. The two boys were best friends, meeting in high school when him and Mae got together. The two couples would go on double dates all the time. He knew that Jisung wanted nothing from Y/n but friendship. Yet Jeongin glared every time he was around.

He started accusing her of cheating, screaming at her, threatening to kill her if he ever found her with another guy. She would cry, sob to him that he was the only one. Sometimes she would silently beg for him to hit her. Mark her with his hands so she’d have a reason to walk away. So she could reach out for help and have everyone believe her.

It wasn’t until she walked into their shared apartment, seeing Jeongin naked on top of another girl, that the first spiral began. She covered it up by saying it was first year party fever. Mae and Kayla were none the wiser, joining her every night. They watched first hand how drunk she would get, flirting with anyone and everyone to get free drinks.

She would sneak out with Jisung to get high with him. He asked no questions, just happy to have a smoking buddy since no one else he knows smoked. It helped her forget momentarily. Forget the image of Jeongin fucking someone else in their shared bed. Forget all the words he spewed at her. Slut bag. Attention whore. Filthy cunt. Every time the words echoed in her mind, she would take another hit. Or she’d take another drink Whatever was closest.

She knows she should have left him. Should have walked back out the door when she caught him in bed with someone else. But he had her so wrapped around his finger that she stayed. She blamed herself. Maybe if she was a better girlfriend, loved him the way he needed her to, he wouldn’t have cheated.

So she tried her best to be the best girlfriend she could be. But still he cheated. Still he called her names. Told her he was only sleeping with other girls because she was sleeping with other guys. Eye for an eye. She tried to tell him she wasn’t cheating, but it never worked. He was convinced. But he still loved her, so he would forgive her every single time.

He’s the reason she woke up in a hospital bed after having her stomach pumped. Driving her so far down her spiral that she couldn’t stop drinking. Well over her limit, she kept drinking, trying to numb the pain in her heart.

Mae stopped him at the door when he tried to visit her in the hospital, telling him he’ll be the next one to wake up in the hospital when she beats his ass if he doesn’t leave Y/n alone. We promised we’d be by each other’s side no matter what! Kayla held Y/n’s hand, wiping away her tears with her free one. She did her best to keep her calm, keep her from taking Jeongin back, while Mae tried to get rid of him.

So why was she back in his arms? Sitting on his lap in this club, him whispering in her ear about how beautiful she is, pressing soft kisses to her neck. It was wrong, but it felt so right, being with him like this. Like they were back before all the fights. Before the cheating. Back when it was just the two of them in love, thinking about forever.

Before she fell in love with Hongjoong.

“I need a smoke. Coming?” She stood up from his lap, holding out her hand for him to take, which he happily did. He wasn’t letting her go this time. This time he would keep the promise he made on the playground where they first met. “Do you smoke?” She held out a joint for him to take.

“I’ll try it.” He smiled, taking the joint from her fingers. She stepped closer to him to light it for him. “You are so beautiful, lovey,” She looked away from the lighter and looked up to meet his eyes. He was studying her intently, as if she would disappear when he looked away.

“I’ve missed you.” She said softly. “More than I’d like to admit.”

“Then come back to me. You know we belong together.”

“Likely story ass town.” Jeongin turned to see Mae standing behind him. And soon they were surrounded by people trying to separate them. “I told you to stay away from her or I’d kick your ass.”

“I know that’s just an empty threat.” He laughed and then Mae punched him. “What the fuck?”

“Yeah. She doesn’t do empty threats.” Wooyoung chuckled as Mae punched Jeongin again. She kept attacking him while Kayla took Y/n into her arms.

“I am so glad you’re okay. I was so scared.” Y/n pushed her away, catching the fight out of the corner of her eye, and stormed over to break it up.

“Seriously Mae? You can’t just go around beating people up for no reason!”

“No reason? Y/n do you not remember what this dick pickle did to you?” Y/n was holding Jeongin in her arms, assessing the damage Mae caused, whispering apology after apology to him. He took her hands in his, promising that he was okay.

“Whatever happened is in the past, Mae.”

“Jeongin you know she deserves better than you.” Jisung spoke up. “You said you would get help but you haven’t. You’re just going to hurt her again. If you love her, you’ll let her be with someone that won’t hurt her.”

“Y/n, this isn’t the way to cope with whatever happened with Hongjoong.” Seonghwa said. “We can get you help. Therapy, rehab, whatever you need.”

“I’m fine.” Y/n spit back. “I’m not fucked up. I’m not a charity case or a baby that needs babysitting. Stop treating me like a fucking child.”

“Then stop making dumb decisions!” Mae yelled. Y/n stared at Mae, seeing the tears in her eyes. She’s only seen her like this one other time. Waking up in the hospital after almost dying. Something about the tears on Mae’s face snapped her out of it. She could feel Jeongin’s grip tightening on her, but she looked at him, pleading him with her eyes to let her go.

“I’ll get the help I need and then I’ll come back to you a better man.” He told her softly. “We promised forever and I intend to keep that promise.”

“We’ll talk when we’re both better.” She smiled at him, pressing one final kiss to his lips. “I love you, Jeongin.” He tucked some of her hair behind her ear.

“I love you so much more, lovey.”

back to masterlist

@mxnsxngie @maeleelee @lethallyprotected @choisoorin @berryblog @anyamaris @nebulousbookshelf @junebug032 @jaydebow @halesandy @okkkcausewhet @dandycharmer @aestheticsluut @the-anarchist-public @kpoprhia @hanschimpmunk @itsmeeekai @grayscorner @weird-bookworm @minhoino @ibedreaminghighupinthesky @kpop-in-new-albion @felixmainacc @yunstarz @writersun

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supperrplexx · 4 months ago

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Maze Runner Fanfiction Recomendations

Here are some Maze runner (Mostly Newtmas) fic recs!!!

Sweet Tooth - dontbeeshy

Words: 14,805 Chapters: 4/?

The heart is blueberry cheesecake, perfectly scooped, and gracefully surrounded by a few petals of raspberry sorbet, all of it wrapped in another layer of petals - chocolate this time, that is already dripping down the cone.

If he had been more careful, maybe he would have noticed that Newt didn’t scoop the ice cream in proper balls, but instead in petals, that he carefully pieced together to create this, a rose-shaped ice cream, standing proudly on its cone like a real flower on its stem.

- in which Newt works at an ice cream parlour, and Thomas is the regular customer who falls for the cute boy behind the counter

I may enjoy faking it - newtmasdoesthedo

Words: 15,002 Chapters: 3/3

“Yeah, okay, so our friends have been betting on when we’re getting together. And we decided to trick them. Well, Thomas decided to trick them. We had Chuck place a bet, we’re gonna pretend to be in a relationship.”

The choked sound his sister made had him wincing. He was sort of glad, sort of disappointed that she agreed with him that this was a terrible idea. She went into a longer rant about him getting his heart broken and her having to come home and pick him up off the floor when their parents failed, and he laughed softly. “I know, okay? I know it’s a terrible idea, but I can’t say no to him. The thing is, I need to know what to wear tonight.”

Naya groaned on the line, and he totally got her. He was being an idiot and he knew it. “I’m sorry okay! I’m bloody sorry, but I need the bloody buggers to believe that I’m trying to impress him.”

Naya snorted again. “Which you’re clearly not.”

“Exactly.” Another groan. “Okay maybe a little.”

Strings - lokidiabolus

Words: 88,235 Chapters: 45/45

Thomas is a faithful, reliable guy. Maybe also too predictable, but his life always made sense, all lined up. That all changes when his friends think the best birthday gift is a meeting with a stranger for a one night stand. After that everything Thomas knew until now shatters to pieces.

Staying Up (series) - lokidiabolus

Words: 60,115 Chapters: 26/26

Newt is a professional. He always takes his work seriously, mainly because the fact he really enjoys reading and being, even a little, part of the creation. Apart from his deadly honesty occasionally clashing with people around him he also prefers staying alone. It all changes when a random stranger offers him a scarf on the street, and the domino effect threatens to take him along with the tumble.

The entire series is really good, and so is the author so be sure to check them out!!!

Stay With Me - scriobh

Words: 5,847 Chapters: 1/1

Prompt: Newt is splashed with a powerful love potion and for the next 24 hours, everyone is attracted to him.

Hold your hands in the holes of my sweater - scriobh

Words: 813 Chapters: 1/1

The clothes that the Gladers arrive in give them a vague sense of security, but Thomas is interested in being close to Newt more so than his past.

(Prompt from newt-astic: Write about Newt wearing Thomas' shirt)

Bind Your Love - newtntommy

Words: 982 Chapters: 1/1

My head canon is that all the gladers probably had their first crushes on Newt because humans generally are drawn to the people who show compassion and care for them and Newt kinda fits that being the glade mommy.

Reason - Animeshipper_22

Words: 7,167 Chapters: 1/1

"Are you going to see him anytime soon," he asked.

Newt shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe not. It's hard."

Or; This is Newts journey after the last city crumbles. He struggles to find himself and to except himself. But luckily he’s surrounded by plenty of people to help him figure it out.

Art Isn't Easy (But Nothing Is) - palindrome

Words: 4,176 Chapters: 1/1

Newt is the fantastic artist that sits next to him in class and Thomas only kind of resents him for it.

Ivy growing downwards - singtome

Words: 65,562 Chapters: 4/4

Flowershop au

“You can go if you want to,” Thomas says, squinting against the sun and leaning toward Newt. The light pales the colour of his eyes, reminding Newt of uncut jewels; sharp and striking and beautiful in their raw imperfection. His heart stutters, a dreadful pull of longing he hasn’t felt for a very long time.

(Or: No one ever tells you that when the world is ending, it happens in slow motion.)

Meet in the middle - Fairylights4672

Words: 56,555 Chapters: 40/40

Newt remembers it. He remembers the sleek metal of the knife easily sliding into his flesh. He remembers the sickly black views running up his arms, making him crazed and delirious. He remembers dying. Which only makes him confused when he wakes up, cured and healed. What's even more confusing is when he wakes up, only to see dead people staring back at him.

Thomas still feels the hilt in his hand. He feels the weight as Newt sank to the ground underneath him. He feels the last soft breath Newt let out. He remembers Newt dying. But he can't sit still. Not when danger is calling him. Thomas has never been able to resist the pull of danger.

Secrets - tattered_dreams

Words: 3,696 Chapters: 1/1

In which the kids of Maze University play Spin the Bottle at one of Minho's parties.

You are my dirty little secret- amatus_jj

Words: 3,879 Chapters: 1/1

“He probably thinks now that something is up,” the dark haired boy muttered unhappily. “He definitely will suspect something.”

“Oh please,” Newt chuckled, “it’s Minho we are talking about. He’ll forget everything the moment he sees Teresa.”

“But what if he’ll not?” Thomas asked stubbornly.

“So what? Nothing’s really gonna change, you know,” Newt exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

“Yeah, you won’t be the one Minho will kill,” the other boy muttered, frowning. “No, we both know how he’s overprotective over you. It doesn’t matter that you aren’t brothers by blood, he still thinks about you as his younger brother. What do you think he would think when he found out that his best friend was-,” there was a little pause as Thomas tried to pick the right word, “- banging his little brother behind his back?”

Or: Thomas and Newt are in relationships no one knows about.

We live through scars now - lumoon33

Words: 26,621 Chapters: 1/1

Thomas was so focused on trying to keep on breathing without Newt, that he's never wondered why it was so difficult to breathe without him in the first place.

A smitten disease - freckleddragon

Words: 3,153 Chapters: 1/1

The walls were moving, he was sure of it. He was running, or stumbling, through the maze, seeing not only the walls but also the floors moving up and down, from side to side. What was happening?

In where Thomas is sick in more than one way.

Housemates - Sandersonsister

Words: 34,524 Chapters: 17/17

Thomas shouldn't have let Teresa talk him into moving into a house with a bunch of people he didn't know. Of course there's someone he's attracted to living here. Because that's the way his life works. He shouldn't have listened to Teresa.

Campfire choices - tattered_dreams

Words: 4,103 Chapters: 1/1

Just a little bit of casual intimacy while the boys struggle through the Scorch. Canon compliant.

On my wrist - miaghost

Words: 80,079 Chapters: 54/?

Your Soulmate's name appears on your wrist and you keep it secret while you search for them. Newt's had to move to America because of his dad's new position and he joins the School Band who are playing for the Drama Department's latest Show. Thomas is one of the actors, and immediately captivates both Newt's attention and affections. The two strike up a swift, intense friendship and Newt falls hard and fast. Too bad the name on his wrist isn't quite Thomas.

When you find me - scriobh

Words: 4,241 Chapters: 1/1

In which Newt and Thomas are oblivious and their friends are impatient.

#the maze runner #newtmas #thomas maze runner #newt maze runner #ao3 fanfic #fic rec #fanfiction

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sadisthetic · 2 years ago

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alarmingly long hanahaki au jaya. i hurt jay quite a bit in this. this is a product of 4 straight days of insanity. im SO ILL. ABOUT JAYA. IF YOU MAKE IT TO THE END OF THIS. I COMMEND YOU. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME IN ADVANCE.

once again adapted from a twitter thread. its. like 165 tweets long. yeah. yeah. im lazy so its gonna be mostly copy pasted and lightly edited so if it sounds like im talking to myself I WAS. AND I WAS DOING IT FOR FOUR DAYS.

anyways heres the start.

so hanahaki.... jaya.... season 3...... jay is absolutely the guy who gets hanahaki theres absolutely no doubt about that like absolutely none. but the world building tho... how should i handle it.... i want it to be canon compliantish. and more importantly. when should i give him symptoms. what would be most interesting

sure. i could give him hanahaki after he find out about nyas perfect match. but haha

what if he get petals earlier tho.

he doesnt understand why at first, why jay starts coughing up petals, he and nya are dating and in love. there shouldnt be any reason for it. its not bad yet so he just ignores it really hard or thinks he mustve gotten a weird strain because theres now way he has normal hanahaki because theres No Way! haha

so when he hears the truth there in his parents trailer, the roots around his lungs constrict and he cant tell the pain apart from his heart breaking in two. his chest hurts so much and he sees cole and just goes ballistic

just imagine. what thats like for him. hes mad but its a secondary response to the heartbreak. hes had signs literally inside all along but to actually find out? like this? jay cant take it

haha. the double date would suck so much HAHA. he holds it in through the whole duration of the movie but when its over he vomits full flowers in the bathroom

ive been mulling over the worldbuilding of hanahaki in this au of mine. i thinking i want it to be a departure from the standard hanahaki worldbuilding thats in fics. just slightly. mostly regarding the fatality and maybe treatments........ i think i want jay to have hanahaki the whole time until skybound. and so i think im gonna have to make hanahaki nonlethal. but kinda like chronic pain. if you cant let go of that love

im partially adopting another fics worldbuilding but i like the idea you can recover on your own if you simply fall out of love. its easier and less damaging the earlier you give up on the love. the roots atrophy and fade and theres not that much scarring. you can easily recover

but you know...... its jay. hes not gonna let it go. he cant. he loves nya.... i think he hides his affliction tho... because he knows nya doesnt want to get back together. and he doesnt want to look you know.... pathetic? desperate? overly clingy?

“you still hasnt gotten over nya?” “dude come on.” “give it up.” he doesnt want to hear it from the others. because he doesnt want to.

but also he wants to save face in front of nya. hes scared itll drive her even further away. his heart cant take more of that. this distance hurts enough

so for months.............. he suffers the pain of one sided love. quietly. pretending that nothing is wrong and that jay is okay with them just being friends. of course jay could choose to surgically remove the hanahaki.... but he doesnt want to do that

i think im gonna keep a bit of the amnesia worldbuilding standard fics have. but im not gonna have it so that artificially removing the hanahaki makes you forget the person you love. no.... just the love that you felt. i think jay doesnt want to lose his love for nya..... also not being able to fall in love with nya scares him. hes just that fucking attached to her. he has it bad man. dude has attachment issues. hes so clingy.

anyways. jay chooses to suffer. because hes that badly in love

jay self medicates on over the counter cough suppressants thats meant for the cold and more normal sickness. works surprisingly well. not ideal tho. he also fills his pockets with cough drops and sometimes makes himself sick when he accidentally eats too much on bad days

he gets sick of them. the sweet icky taste and menthol nausea but he doesnt have that many better ways to deal. its just a temporary fix too. considering that coughing is his body's natural way to get rid of the petals. and hes just letting them sit in his lungs

periodically he has to stay hunched over a trashcan to clear out the petals and yes its an awful experience every time. it becomes routine. the petals scratch his throat on the way out and he gets into tea to soothe the irritation. he becomes a regular at mistake's

in general, his ability to breathe starts to decline and he gets winded so much more easily. the plants in his chest limit his airflow and also steals the oxygen from his lungs. his chest is tight always and aches like theres thick needles lodged in his chest. those are the roots

usually its manageable. but it becomes harder to fight. battles usually end up leaving him wheezing. one of the guys teases him about it. that hes slacking and getting out of shape. he sidesteps that convo tho and brushes them off. he certainly cant be honest

im a sadist so im gonna making him pass out after one fairly vigorous battle. one which he has to push himself harder to make it out alive. so hard that his lungs cant keep up with the rest of his body and even when he gets himself to a safe corner or clearing, no amount of breaths is enough and he just blacks out. he eventually comes to a worried face shaking him awake. ill figure out who and when this is set later. either way they just assume jay got knocked out even though they cant find any wounds. theyre relieved he seems fine

but that was very bad. super duper bad for jay tho. he cant let that happen again. but these kinds of things are out of his control tho. but he just has to deal.

things comes to a head in skybound. i think itll be most dramatic if nya finds out in the lighthouse. after she rescues them and they successfully flee. when they settle and in moment jay cant hide he coughs out a gross mass of petals

and nya has a slow step by step realization of the implications. but before all that happens tho. nadakhan. i dont think he knew jay had hanahaki when he first targeted him. maybe. this point might change

but as it is, for the thought i have, nadakhan learns when jays meds wears off, and hes not even able to pop in a cough drop his mouth. and he vomits a messy slurry of petals onto the wooden floorboards of the deck. its EXTREMELY FUNNY to nadakhan, he mocks jay for it! he has hanahaki! that is so tragic! to think jay has known his love was utterly unrequited and yet he tried so hard to win her back. but it was all a hopeless, desperate, pathetic endeavor. so nya truly doesnt love jay, hm? so shes single and free for the taking. no hard feelings, then, when they marry

up on the ship, he coughs up so many flowers. he doesnt get enough sleep from the persistent coughing. and passes out multiple times, for a collection of reasons. from being knocked out, exhaustion, apnea, running out of breath after several matches of scrap n tap

i think it would be really sad and pathetic if there one incident where he chokes on a flower. and he cant cough it out and he thinks gonna die for reals. a pirate helps him out only to add insult to injury (and to torment him more to pull a wish out of him, hes better off alive than dead)

when hes rescued by his friends, theres no flowers around so none of his friends suspect. jay manages to keep the petals in his mouth, catching them behind his teeth, and swallows them back in. he coughs pretty bad but they all think he just got really sick. he looks awful after all

but thats of course only up until the lighthouse. ive been contemplating about how nya handles it all...... how she feels......... what is the most satisfying route here is much more trickier to figure out than just a fixit skybound au.......

feelings are trickier and much more loaded........ the revelation certainly isnt going to be an easy thing for nya to swallow..... but lighthouse talk has so much potential....... jay might be honest for once..... because he has to be.... forced to be!

ngl lighthouse part of skybound has been super elevated in my head by favorite skybound fic so my perceptions of it and my own take on it for this au is probably going to be influenced by that. not in the sense im copying scenes but in the sense of like. oh yeah writer IS right, lighthouse ep TOTALLY has the massive potential for big feels and honesty. and revealing trauma/hurt feels. anyways. let me talk a bit about nya and the little dilemma i have.....

so like...... nyas part in the story is so tricky to handle.... because she entirely determines the ending of this story. much more so than in the original canon.....

because the crux of this story is the love between nya and jay... the lack of thereof from nya and the undying love from jay. hanahaki. unrequited love. the story is not just about jay making mistakes and being flawed as a person and being tested as a person and learning and growing his mistakes

in this au, the focus is specifically on his love for nya and how hes willing to hang onto it for so long despite how much it literally hurts him. love hurts. its barely even worth it. but to jay it is. this story is driven by his love. however how it ends all depends on nya.....

and heres the thing.... i know the way the "romance" in skybound was resolved was..... whats the word..... forced? it was insufficiently developed.... i cant recall the exact word i wanna use but it was just. tacked on. nyas change of heart kinda came out of nowhere....

nyas line in the lighthouse before she pushed jay through the portal is honestly inconsistent with her characterization that season up to the point. shes really didnt seem like she loved jay back at all. its entirely because the writers didnt write in those feelings

it takes a bit of creative thinking and interpretation to make jays and nyas get together at the end of the season work. you have to fill in the gaps of the romance yourself if you want it and want it to make sense and have it be satisfying

what i do for my fix it interpretation of canon is that nya didnt actually stop loving jay entirely in s3 breakup arc. instead i choose to think is that nyas desire for independence simply grew stronger enough to eclipse her love for jay

also i like to think nya liked jay more casually than he loves her so it was easier to break off their relationship. if youve seen my dream divorce ot3 slowburn get together break up get together fic (concept) (that only exactly two people know what im talking about). and also string of fate au. ESPECIALLY IN STRING OF FATE AU. then you know. my take on them. ANYWAYS.

the problem i have for this au is that i cant do that. i cant use that same interpretation to have them get together again. it doesnt work. because in this au.........nya really did fall out of love for jay. and having them get together again just like canon isnt.......satisfying

its tricky..... because to make nya fall in love with jay now after she learns he has hanahaki..... if im not careful ill be doing the same thing that the writers are doing. writing a careless romance solely because i want them to be together

and i DO want them to be together again.... but it requires a considerate approach if i really do want it. here..... the situation is this..... nya finds out jays has truly been in love with her for months STILL. and its bad enough he got hanahaki. i think she might feel uncomfortable about that. its unwanted love you know? being the object of someones desires still after you long broke up with them. she has moved on but jay hasnt? its super awkward for her...... but also...............

jay knows that. nya isnt stupid. she realizes that jay knows that and thats exactly why he kept it from her in the first place....... shes also uncomfortable because... jay is suffering because of her. she broke it off with him but its not like she doesnt care about jay

no she still does. jay is still someone important to her. hes not just some ex. hes still a friend.... and her heart aches seeing jay suffer. her heart twists realizing that jay has been suffering this whole time on his own and she had no idea.

and it was out of consideration for her. its not entirely her fault jay has hanahaki..... but also she does feel a little bit responsible. sure jay messed up a lot recently and all of it is because he wanted to get back together with her and she doesnt like that.... but also..

learning about it put some things into perspective for her. like shes uncomfortable but jay has been hurt and is genuinely hurting still and she doesnt want to hurt him more and she wants to be gentle. so she starts thinking first. before she proceeds to deal with feelings

and so she starts really thinking about it. she was mad. she was mad jay kept so many secrets from them and endangered them all. and that he was STILL attached to her after all this time. shes still a little mad about that but also its subsiding a bit now....

if she really thinks about it.... jay had been respecting their break and her boundaries up until recently. in fact she only found out now, months later. jay actually did do a pretty good job of hiding those feelings. and not only that... his hanahaki.

that. she doesnt fucking understand how jay kept that a secret. ITS HANAHAKI. HOW DID HE HIDE IT FROM EVERYONE. ITS THE MOST VISIBLE DISEASE. maybe she did notice jay smothering a cough or clearing his throat every so often but to think it was hanahaki this entire time......

....when did it start even...? she can only assume that it was around their breakup. they eventually have a talk. a really important one that jay cant run away from. it takes a bit for jay to be fully honest and tell her that he started spitting petals when they were still together

she becomes mortified by that fact. and what that means. and she gains a bit of perspective of how the perfect match debacle looked from jays perspective. she really was.... a terrible girlfriend during all that huh.... to nya it felt like a clean break..... but to jay.... it left him pretty raw.

it didnt hit nya until know how much jay was hurt by the breakup even without considering the hanahaki. jay still loves her despite her cheating on him and making him fight over her because she couldnt decide? it seems that jay doesnt even care about that. doesnt even think she was a terrible girlfriend at the end of their relationship when she very much was. something is deeply wrong with jay (he loves her too much). jay hadnt been the best...... he had been really selfish and self centered. esp with the whole wish thing

but she comes to a realization that she was being really self centered too. its unfair for her to criticize jay for that when the very beginning of it all was because of nyas own selfishness. its unfair for jay to break up over something so stupid like a match making machine

of course part of it was still on jay. he should have still let go. you cant have a relationship in which only one person is in love. but.... she couldve gone about it in a better way. a way that wouldnt have hurt jay so much at the very least

he has apologized for everything involving nadakhan and keeping secrets.... maybe taking on more blame than he should.... nya owes jay an apology too. so at the very least she gives him a proper one. for her own faults

but she doesnt know how to fix jays hanahaki tho...... and to be honest? neither does jay. he tells her this. despite everything he didnt want to force her to love him. he didnt want to guilt her back into a relationship. he didnt want her to give him her pity also

thats part of the reason why he kept it a secret. he wanted to *win* her back. make himself more appealing so that nya would love him again. jay was super misguided in his approach and didnt understand why exactly nya broke up with him in the first place

but thats what he wanted... nyas genuine love. (im ignoring a tiny chip of canon for this. or im considering it a moment of weakness (jays dismay when he learns he cant wish for love). creative interpretation is that seeing his future in the mirror made him too hopeful and a bit desperate) anyways. jay is a hopeless romantic. who is extremely lovelorn. also hes chronically ill like literally. cut him a little slack

anyways anyways. i dont want nya to just get back together with him right after finding out about his hanahaki. its bad romance. it wont taste good. it wont be genuine.........

as it is...... of course theres multiple options................ but they arent all happy. and i do feel like. a story like this does need a happy ending..... it would be too sad if it remains unresolved. im just gonna talk about the ends that kinda suck first

most unsatisfying but technically still very plausible end: a standstill. nya cant do anything to help. she wants to but she cant return jays love. jay understands but decides keep living with the hanahaki. the two of them keep living in this awkward status quo, knowing.

eventually jays hanahaki gets too much for him to handle and he either dies or nya/the others take matters into their own hands and without his consent, send him to surgery bc hes dying. unethical maybe but they want him to live

its super awkward after that.... but things return to normal and they all forget about it except for nya, where it lays heavy in her mind forever. if he dies its just tragedy. i dont want this kinda of end

a potential good neutral end however can be one in which jay tries his best to simply move on. try to process his one sided love into something... different somehow. because he accepts that nya has fallen out of love with him. he has long accepted that.

but they talk........... and a lot happens (being pushed into the portal, the rest of skybound). and jay has a realization too. nya may not love him in the same way.... it doesnt mean she doesnt love him. she still cares deeply.....

she cares about him a lot as a friend. that love is still worth something. its..... its more than what jay thought nya felt about him. it honestly felt like their relationship get demoted all the way down back to acquaintances, at best coworkers. not technically. they were still friends. but jay felt a yawning distance between them after the break up. its one part nya distancing herself from jay after that whole disaster. its also another part jay keeping his distance so that nya doesnt learn about his hanahaki

whatever talk between them was either just ninja business, surface level casual conversations, or small talk. it was awkward but only when they dwelled on it... (and jay did dwell on it) but in the lighthouse they actually talk Talked about things... about them. and jay learns

nya sacrifices herself to save jay in the lighthouse and he realizes that he still matters to her. the everpresent tightness in his chest doesnt leave but it.... loosens. and he breathes easier for the first time in a while

he still wishes that nya and him could get together romantically. but something about his feelings changes. he feels less lovelorn somehow. his heart still yearns a little. but somehow he feels more okay. he hurts less

and once time turns back and jay and nya share this secret and finally properly reconcile after everything is done. the pain in his chest abates more and more as time goes on. hes not sure if hes exactly cured. but he can live without hurting now somehow

he learns how to live with his unrequited love. and more importantly he doesnt need his love to be requited anymore. because love is love you know? she doesnt love him romantically but she does still love him. and thats still good

they were always a little mismatched in their feelings for each other anyways. jay isnt settling for lesser. nyas love for him now is just different not less. and jay accepts that. and hes content that they managed to fix them. their relationship. hes okay and happy

his own feelings... he doesnt know if they changed themselves also like nyas has. he doesnt feel like his love has changed. but the nature of it mightve become more ambiguous. and it doesnt matter anyways. he loves nya and that will never change

hmmmm i think this became less of a neutral end and more just an unrequited good end. and accidentally poured so much aro juice into it oh my god? i had a good requited end thought up kinda also before this end i just talked about the end first bc i wanted to talk about requited end last

i kinda came to really like good unrequited end........ im still gonna talk about good requited end tho. i kinda want opinions about which end is narratively the best..... even though i only have a confident audience of two

i think requited end is a bit more dramatic..... nya really doesnt know what to do. she broke it off with jay. she wants to fix him. she really wishes he didnt get hanahaki for *her* of all people....

whats so great about her anyways that he would live like this for months on end be just ok with it. she thinks if she was in jays shoes she would long moved on. she doesnt get what is worth the pain and risk

either way she doesnt want to date him out of pity. she distinctly has a feeling that wouldnt actually fix anything. and probably jay doesnt want that too. but also she cant fabricate love

she feels suffocated by just the prospect and it reminds nya about why she dumped jay in the first place. this whole thing reminds nya why she dumped him. jays love was always too much for her. smothering. of course he gets hanahaki. why is she even surprised. if anyone would, its jay. she doesnt want to resent him for it though. hes hurting because of it. and he spared it from nya up to this point and she only found out because jay couldnt help it. who knows how much longer he wouldve kept this secret

but as is. she doesnt know what to do. so they stay in the lighthouse awkwardly together. they were honest with each other but now what? .....actually. curing hanahaki can come later. they gotta focus on saving their friends and all of ninjago first before they can deal with them

HHMMMMMMMM....... i think despite knowing about how much jay love her.... she doesnt really... Get It. HOW he loves her i mean. quantity vs quality. when they were first dating, to her it was really casual. in my mind jay was first attracted to nya shallowly too

but then he fell deeper. more genuinely. and that contributed to a greater discrepancy between their level of affection. nya for the most part has been believing that jays obsession with her is because hes just too clingy and attached. and like he is. but.... its like the product of the intensity of the emotion you know? his love for her manifested in jay in a way that put nya off a little. contributed to the reason why nya dumped him all those months ago.... having a heart to heart gave her some perspective on what it has been like for jay but

thats different from Understanding you know? comprehending... seeing the depth... anyways... so jay had been acting too chivalrous up to that point right? and then nya learns about jays hanahaki and chalks up his behavior to him overcompensating...... a symptom even

nya thinks its just jay trying his best to win her back. she doesnt really have that many reasons to think otherwise. its whats consistent. this all happened because jay wanted them to get together again. whatever, she has decided that shes going to forgive jay for all that, needless acts of chivalry included. even tho. she really doesnt like that. calls it a force of habit and puts it aside. for more Important Things like taking care of jay and taking nadakhan Down

but then they get found and theyre scrambling fast to prepare for the attack and counterattack. they manage to fall into a frantic but familiar routine of collaborative repairs and fixes and asides from jays incessant coughing reminding nya that things are pretty awful.... its nice

she doesnt get to feel that way for long tho. their haven is raided and their prep wasnt enough, theyre struggling, theres way too many pirates and its just the two of them against what feels like an army and theyre on the way to losing and nadakhan is nowhere to be found

they try to stick together to have each others backs but they get separated anyways and they start doing even worse. im changing up the action scene btw. nya manages sweep a bunch of pirates away but doubloon is one of the ones that could actually put up a fight

meanwhile jay isnt fairing very well and maybe worse because he was already injured and also his hanahaki makes it really hard. he fights for his breath trying to hold his own. he gets fucking smashed by dogshank through the floor onto the stairwell below. all the air is knocked from him

and he legitimately cant breathe for a solid moment. hes wheezing and he coughs hard enough to vomit. he doesnt have his breath back when he looks up and sees nya panicking at the sight of him and shes distracted and jay sees doubloon take an opening

jay doesnt even breathe when he instantly fires a lightning bolt from prone towards doubloon. and hes already up and sprinting to nyas side to fill her blindspot.

hes on the cusp of an asthma attack, he can feel it, but he doesnt have the time to worry about it (as if he had any control over it) his chest is tight and his breaths are too shallow and it hurts but he pushes through it to protect nya. hes slipping though

assaulted from all sides, between doubloon and dogshank and all the pirates, jay knows theyre going to lose. mostly because of him. hes dragging the two of them down and why did he ever think the two of them had the chance and why did he ever think that nadakhan would even come (hes not gonna this turned into a full divergence now) and even if he wasnt flagging hard now, he can feel it his chest that hes going to pass out if this goes on for any longer and leave nya to fend for himself and get them both captured and he cant let that happen.

nya is at her wits fucking end she can feel them losing too and nya refuses to think about how at this rate both of them are going down, but she wont let them. but, among the harsh clangs of weapons, the rush of floods, and the cracks of lightning at jays fingertips,

through all this discord, at this proximity she can hear jays struggled breaths and its the most terrifying sound in the world. then suddenly shes shoved to the side and hears a crash and a cry and when nya looks jays sliced through by doubloons sword

then something glows by her feet and nya realizes what jay did. he broke the teapot. clutching at his wound, jay gives nya a strained smile. he says "sorry" and kicks her in before she can object. before the portal closes she watches jay take a stand only to be subdued

she lands in the junkyard with a bad tumble. she just lies in the dust and dirt in shock. it happened too fast. jay sacrificed himself for her? jay risked himself even though he was the one who needed protecting and got himself hurt to pull that stunt.

and now hes in their clutches again. rage begins to well up. why! why?! why did jay do that?! is he stupid! there had to be a better way, they couldve escaped together and regrouped! tears begin to well up as well. nya gets up and smashes a bunch of junk

jays parents come out after that. and nya realizes where she is for the first time and forces herself to calm down. she sorts out her feelings over ednas soup after shes pulled into the trailer.....

at first she doesnt get it. shes too upset to think about it. she vents to jays parents about what he did. "why did he do that?" and it was meant to be a rhetorical question for herself but edna gives her an answer thats way too simple.

"because he loves you."

and nya is hit with another rude realization. shes been having too many of those

jay..... loves her. deeply. truly loves her genuinely, more than he cares about himself. its not just lingering attachment. its a deeper, more sincere love than nya could ever fathomed. nya knew how much jay loved her. but at the same time she didnt. she didnt get how he loved her

she feels a way about that. all this time jay loved her this bad? bad enough to catch hanahaki, bad enough to keep his hanahaki, bad enough to hide it. bad enough to *wish* for her love, to suffer, ang to get hurt for her...

she thinks he loves her bad enough to die for her. she really feels a way about that. her heart starts beating fast. she doesnt want to put together why. she kinda wants to cry.

why was she so mean to him... sometimes he deserved the little things he had coming but why was she so harsh. why did she fall out of love with him..... well she knows but also.... she was really unfair to him huh. jay wasnt perfect and he was too much but... she doesnt know.

all she knows is she feels a lot of regrets right now.. and moved by jay what did for her... along with this third unplaceable feeling.

(she started falling in love again)

its a slow gradual thing tho. nya doesnt place it immediately. she doesnt think she wanted to after she broke up with him herself. didnt even think it was possible.

but eventually nya feels very embarrassed by it when she realizes. because 1) oh my god shes falling in love with him after falling out of love and dumping him? is she shameless? and also 2) flustered because shes For Reals in love this time now beyond the casual kind of love she held for him before. this realizaton doesnt happen anytime soon. probs a good amount of time after everything resolves

so for narrative purposes i swapped jays and nyas roles for this last part of the story only. i think its safe to say jay is not treated kindly when he reboards the ship. in fact i think theyre even crueler for letting nya get away. before he was just roughed up to play with him

a form of coercion to get him to make his last wish. this time theyre taking it out on jay as punishment. nya assembles a rescue party like jay does in canon and somehow rescues jay and she hates the state that she finds him hes in

i think he'll be easier to rescue than nya because hes not like.... nadakhans bride. but wait..... WAIT NO IT COULD HARDER BECAUSE THEY COULD SET HIM UP AS BAIT FOR NYA TO COME GET HIM.... FUCK CURSE MY WHUMP DRIVEN BRAIN!!!!!!!!!! ITLL BE SO MUCH HARDER TO GET HIM LIKE THIS BUT—

THE IMAGE OF JAY BEING TIED/STRUNG UP IN PLAIN VIEW.... fuck. figuring it out is too hard and i dont even need to figure it out for the romance do i like goddammit. fucking sequencing..... maybe they get their friends out of the sword first.... somehow.

as for how they beat nadakhan..... i havent thought up a good way. i dont think it should go the same way as canon. i want nya to actually have her agency and not take it away again after ive given it to her.

i however dont know what jays wish should be. thats like so hard to figure out. this end is a significance divergence from canon. oh also jay has been thoroughly gagged so he cant say his wish. and also maybe because the pirates got sick of his coughing. nadakhans goal for torturing jay has changed.

he doesnt want him to break and submit and wish himself away anymore. he has better use in making sure nya comes to him. well he can still break him. its extra motivation. an incentive for nya to be a bit more faster and careless in her desperation to save him. he just shuts jay up also.

also im a sadist. anyways back to defeating nadakhan.... its a little tough ngl! for me and for nya! because this story has diverged so considerably. it cant have the same climax as canon. it just doesnt work. not even when theyre roleswapped

nya cant make a wish. she doesnt have anymore wishes. or hmm maybe she does have one left like jay does in this timeline but i dunno.... technically i could do that bc nya used up her wishes in only stupid ways so its not that hard of a change.

it changes their game plan in the lighthouse just a bit but in this version nadakhan doesnt even show up so story wise its a nonfactor. they both couldve made a wish and stopped things. but they dont get the chance to do that.

but either way nya having a wish is an option, not something thats set in stone. also i think nya gets a hold of the venom. either jay had passed it to her when he pushed her into the portal or it stayed on his person and was confiscated and nya obtained it because clancee told her about it. which ever works. man is jay doing rough in this au. hes suffering so many consequences....i think as hes bound and helpless, hes gonna have a lot of thoughts... and a lot of regrets

he wishes he never kept secrets, he wishes he didnt make things worse.... i think he wishes nya doesnt come and rescue him. because if she does and she gets captured and nadakhan marries her for infinite wishes then itll all be his fault. again. because nya risked herself for him

so jay hopes nya doesnt come. he wants her to be safe even if it means hes forever captured. its better than the worst case scenario.

but a tiny tiny tiny part of jay that is wishful does hope that he is rescued. because hes weak. he selfishly wants nya to save him

he shouldve learned by now that his desire for nya doesnt do him any good. but the part thats terrible and in love still wishes for better. he wants to be saved. he wants to be forgiven. he wants to fix things. he doesnt want to hurt anymore.

he thinks he can accept nya never loving him again. but he wants to stop aching in his chest. but he cant let go of his love. at this point its a part of who he is. so even though hes resigned to suffer and part of him foolishly hopes. he wishes

but jay doesnt get it. nya HAS forgiven him. she wishes she has never hurt jay like she did and if she could she would take it back. shes determined to fix things one way or any other. she has to save him or shes the worst. jay never deserved *all* of this.

once she saves him shes going to fix them. somehow.

and somehow they do. with a wish i cannot fucking figure out so SPARE ME. but i think... they dont go back in time. things arent undone and theres damage everywhere. so much repairs to be done. and theres a start to everything

i think i forgot to mention but at the end of unrequited good end, which honestly i think friendship end is a more fitting name, jay and nya hug at the end of skybound when time rolls back. no kiss. i think the same happens at the end of requited end too. time doesnt roll back but they have moment... hug.. but still no kiss. not yet. nya hasnt realized her feelings are changing. actually she might it takes a bit for them to develop. jay and nya start having a very honest relationship with each other tho

nya doesnt want to ignore jays hanahaki and jay comes to a similar conclusion as friendship/unrequited end. he realizes nya still cares for him A Lot as a friend, she cared so much she risked everything to walk into nadakhans trap guns blazin. and he doesnt want to jeopardize their friendship by distancing himself.

he wants things to be normal between them despite his hanahaki. and the funny thing is that... in this end, jays hanahaki gets somewhat more manageable too.... but its for a different reason in this au. lol. lol. because his feelings are becoming requited.

his hanahaki isnt suddenly gone one day because nyas feelings are so ambiguous tho. and when she does finally realize that shes fallen for jay. she actually goes into a bit of denial. for a mix of reasons.

its not because nya doesnt want to cure jay of his hanahaki. she just didnt think thats a thing that can happen. falling in love again. she was also so very sure that she didnt have feelings for jay anymore before so its also a pride thing she has going on. subconsciously, she doesnt want to take things back because shes stubborn.

and its also one part nya feeling like shes doing jay a little bit dirty somehow (her brain making her overthink in a twisted way) and that she wouldve been toying with jays feelings if she returns them now. after all this time has passed.

is she that fickle? (its not her being fickle) and nya cant quite place why she has feelings for jay again. nya feels like jay probably deserves someone better than her, someone who hasnt hurt him so bad.

nya has trouble understanding herself so she thinks shes being flaky and worries her feelings are flaky also and she doesnt want to hurt jay again with such uncertain feelings. i am making nya feel so fucking complicated and conflicted. FEELINGS ARE OFTEN AS SUCH!!!

but despite nya's internal turmoil, her feelings for jay are very genuine. she might think they are arbitrary but thats not quite the case. well her love is arbitrary as any other love is. but anyways. she fell again because jay did win her over, not even when he was trying to.

his sincere love... his dedication. when nya saw it in a different light it was attractive to her. she appreciates that jay loves her the way he does now. also before (the breakup) her love for jay was a bit shallow. it was just that casual. but now what she feels for jay is more genuine. and more equal. eventually she sorts it out. there might be some of romantic drama to get her to get there though. a bit more accidental hurt.

i had the tangential thought that jay might tell nya that his hanahaki is getting better causing her to go "on no". jays finally letting go of his feelings over for her and nya doesnt want to mess that up. hes finally recovering when she catching feelings again?

of course this would happen to her. shes glad but shes wistful she missed her chance at having a boyfriend who truly cares about her like jay does.... serves her right. .... nya is an idiot lol... jays is getting better bc of her skdjhtrglksdj. anyways

eventually... they talk. and sort it all out. all the hurt and feelings and love. nya opens up and confesses and jay cries about it lol. because this is all he had ever wanted ever since he fell in love with nya. the elation he feels is unparalleled. and tightness in his chest finally vanishes all together and he feels better than he has in ages. of course he says yes. he tells nya things to erase her doubts. and it took a lot of trouble to get here but theyre here now. together again for reals. and neither of them can believe it.

they hold hands. and they finally kiss

I THINK. THATS THE END OF REQUITED END. WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT MY THOUGHTS FOR THIS END WERE INITIALLY MUCH SHORTER, SHORTER THAN, UNREQUITED/FRIENDSHIP END? ON GOD. WHAT HAPPENED. ITS BECAUSE I FELT LIKE REQUITED END REALLY NEEDED FULLY BEAT OUT DEVELOPMENT. OR ELSE I COULDNT BE SATISFIED WITH IT. IM A LITTLE EMBARRASSED BY WHAT I CAME UP WITH FEELS KINDA SAPPY BUT I CANT TELL IF IT IS. IM ARO. THIS ISNT MY HOME TURF. BUT I WANTED REQUITED END TO BE ACTUALLY VIABLE WITHOUT FEELING FORCED.... I WANTED TO BE AS SATISFIED WITH THIS AS I AM FOR UNREQUITED END. AND ENDED UP NEEDING TO PUT IN 100 TIMES THE WORK SDJKTUFHIGTLSDKJ. I THINK I ACCOMPLISHED WHAT I WANTED THO...... I THINK ITS OKAY..........

okay. im finally picking flowers. ive been thinking about it a bit while i wrote this whole thing. it wasnt a priority. but i do wanna pick some flowers that fit this story....

had the thought that depending on the end of this au (... i have aus within my au huh....) jay actually has different flowers. different meanings and symbolism.

i want jays primary flower to be an anemone for the record. “forsaken love”. nods. thats pretty representative of jays love for like. 3 seasons. also.... shares a name with the ocean animal. water... small connection with nya... not directly representative of her but it does a little. anemone has a few other meanings as well and i think those can fit too depending on the end. but the primary meaning im using is forsaken love (apparently its specifically the red and pink ones that mean this. please do note all these flower language resources are pretty inconsistent from each other)

tragic death end- anemone (specifically red- also means death), red poppy (remembrance in death), red spider lily (am i going too ham with the death flowers? yes. would jay see this as an ill omen? definitely. however. symbolism. also this bouquet is just So red. with blood lol)

tragic lost love (surgery) end- anemone, yellow chrysanthemums (broken/slighted love), black dahlia (betrayal), narcissus (unrequited love, selfishness), rue (regret), i would add forget me nots if i didnt think it doesnt fit with the colors

friendship/unrequited end- anemone, yellow rose (bros the meaning of the yellow rose is so fucking loaded LMAO. friendship, infidelity (nya), undying love? the wiki sure lists a lot), dandelion (overcoming hardship, growth, hope, and healing, friendship)

requited end- anemone, sea lavender (remembrance/memory, sympathy, i love you), sea holly (independence (nya) and attraction (jay)). okay so i dunno if a bouquet of these would look good together per se but.... ocean theme.... and also i wanted the flowers to rep both jay and nya in meanings.... since this is the end in which theyre together after all....

flower language is fucking hard. but i cant NOT put sincere thought into it. its fucking hanahaki i feel like i Gotta. btw these arent 100% set in stone i might change my mind about them? but i do really like anemone tho.... and tangential thought hgtjbnfjkghl sea holly would be fucking AWFUL for jay to cough up. esp when he starts spitting full flowers. those look like they hurt. just like what its like to love nya (lol). flower that would definitely make him cough blood

anyways..... if you made it to the end of this..... thank you.... this post is literally over 7600 words. thats like a long one shot. this is more like a fic outline tho. anyways anyways.... madness legit descended upon me while i wrote this all. i hope you enjoyed. i did this for my self satisfaction but if other people enjoyed this also i kinda wanna know

holds up a glass. cheers to jays suffering and heartbreak

(og thread here)

#ninjago talk #oh also. if you read all this. tell me which ending you like....#jem.txt #..... feel like i need a tag for this kind of stuff but what....#my concepts #thatll do #jaya #ninjago #im holding back on character tags i cant do that im embarrassed as is

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a-strange-inkling · 2 years ago

Note

since Chrissy's pregnant with Olivia on mother's day,how do she and Eddie celebrate? How do they deal with mother's day being hard for both of them, since Laura abused Chrissy and Eddie's mom died?

🌸 I wanted to do a little Mother’s Day snippet so here you are:

(cw: grief, referenced ab*se and dealing with death)

She wakes up to the smell of flowers, finding a full bouquet in a large glass vase on the bedside table, filled with lilacs of every shade of purple and lilies of the valley dangling down like little white church bells. They makes the whole room smell fresh and beautiful. Like spring. She smiles tearfully as she manages to pull herself up to sit with a quiet grunt, her swollen belly straining her back, everything just aching this morning. She gently strokes the delicate blooms, completely besotted with every tiny blossom. There’s a little note attached to the ribbon around the vase that reads:

Happy first Mother’s Day, sweetheart

I love you

She tries not to burst into tears as she leans in close, burying her nose into the soft petals and breathing in their fragrance, her heart aching now too. This day is always a melancholy one for her. So many years of trying to show her mother how much she loved her, trying to make her smile, giving her a little piece of her heart every year, making her something special; hand painted cards, jewelry she strung together with glittery pony beads and embroidery floss, a bouquet of hand picked flowers from the park, her first ever cross stitch pillow…

Her mother would always look down at the offerings with an indulgent closed mouth smile, unable to hide how disinterested or unimpressed she was with them all. She’d find a misspelled word in the written messages of her card, throw away the jewelry the next day, telling her that it was too flimsy and it was just going to fall apart. She’d put the wild flowers on the back counter of the kitchen, out of sight, so they wouldn’t contrast her professionally arranged flowers on the table… And she actually laughed out loud when Chrissy gave her the pillow (the last year she gave her any handmade gift) shaking her head in amusement as she leaned over to caress her cheek. “Oh my Chrissy, thank goodness you are such a pretty girl.”

With a shaky sigh, Chrissy forces the unpleasant memories away, wiping her eyes. With a little bit of a struggle she makes it to her feet, her hand smoothing over her belly. “Oh, sweet girl,” she sighs softly to her baby. “You can’t be tuckering me out already, we just woke up.”

She wanders into the kitchenette, finding Eddie with his back turned toward her, making pancakes with chocolate chips and sliced strawberries over their small stove top. She sneaks up behind him and carefully wraps her arms around his waist, kissing along his shoulder blade beneath his worn t-shirt, resting her forehead against him.

A hand comes to rest over hers. “Morning, sweetheart,” he whispers a little sadly, tracing his thumb over her skin.

He’s always so quiet today, distant.

“I love my flowers,” she tells him, trying to keep her voice clear, but it still fractures.

He sniffs, giving her hand a squeeze. “…Are you hungry?”

She nods against him and he turns in her embrace, wrapping her into him, kissing the top of her head lovingly.

They eat in the honey glow of the morning, hands entwined across the table. He smothers his pancakes in syrup while she swirls whipped cream on top of hers. After, they wash the dishes together in companionable silence. Eddie can see her discomfort whenever she stretches or bends to put the cups and plates away. He brushes back the curtain of her hair, pressing his lips to her shoulder. “Feeling sore, baby?”

She nods stiffly, closing her eyes as she tries to breathe through the pain throbbing down her spine, throughout her body. “Just a little bit.”

“Here.” He leads her to couch and gently pulls her down to sit between his legs as he begins to massage her lower back, slowly moving his way up to her shoulders.

She moans quietly, sagging back into his chest, taking long, deep breaths as he eases the burning tension. He mouths along her neck while he kneads her hip bones. “Thank you,” she breathes, reaching a hand behind her to hold his face beneath his long waves of hair. He has no idea how much it helps.

“Can’t believe we’re going to be holding her in our arms two months,” she feels him murmur as warm tears of relief fall freely down her face.

“Me either.” She lifts her head up to face him, her fingers mapping his jawline as they stare into one another’s eyes.

“Are you doing okay?” she asks him after a long lull of silence.

He nods solemnly with a thick swallow. He still keeps so much of the pain from losing his mother buried deep down inside himself. He struggles to talk about it, even with her. “I’m okay… Wayne brought her my flowers for me today before he went to work.”

“Her violets?” Chrissy asks quietly. They were Alice’s favorite and in the middle of May thousands of them would grow in the unkept yards of the trailer park. Eddie would pick handfuls and bring them to her when he was little.

After she died, he kept the tradition, bringing them to the cemetery to leave on her gravestone. He took Chrissy with him to meet her there during their last spring in Hawkins.

He nods again, smiling a little as he tucks himself around her. His palms sliding up over the swell of belly, caressing her soothingly, both of them feeling Olivia moving beneath his touch.

“This is going to be a happy day for us from now on,” he promises her.

Promises himself.

#hellcheer #eddie x chrissy #eddissy #munningham #chrissy x eddie #hellcheer fanfiction #hellcheer fanfic #old haunts #ask answered

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ouran-boytoy-fanfiction · 1 year ago

Text

Warning: Manga Spoiler-y

"It—it didn't—feel wrong."

Tamaki's reaction was the same stupefied face he had made when she confessed a couple seconds ago. It almost completely unnerved her again. She decided to be patient and instantly had the festering idea that it was something she will need more of then. "Tamaki," strained, she called softly.

He violently shook his head to clear it, immediately blushing at the eye contact they had made. A gentleman should not be so inconsiderate of a woman’s feelings nor assume anything. He feared he had committed a grave mistake. What if it did feel wrong to her and he had forced himself on her because of his selfish desires? Or worse, what if she felt indifferent all along? Like the kiss was just something she could brush off like last time. “Does that mean you liked it, Haruhi?” Asked Tamaki.

When she nodded, growing redder, he pinched her chin while inching closer. “May I?”

Haruhi thought he should’ve kept the momentum up of not having to ask, as she was already half puckering when his fingers touched her face once more. She closed her eyes, unable to utter another word out of embarrassment. She then felt his soft lips on hers.

Sun kissed flower petals glided over their skin, enveloping them in a heavenly scent and nature’s warm embrace. They’ve never kissed anyone like this before and yet so perfectly their bodies embraced and melded together to give each other such sickly sweet pleasure from touch alone. His lips moved to a flow Haruhi eagerly matched and his arms wrapped her waist and drew her in tight and made her heart near explode.

She could just melt into the pool of overwhelming emotions she once fought to be. The blushes disappearing from their cheeks as the intensity build. She recognized a hunger in her but not the feeling of it devouring her spirit whole. She nearly pulled away from him and ran had he not felt so incredible that her senses couldn’t function in the minutiae of the moment. She was drowning in a river of sparkling bliss.

It was a battle for control. Tamaki was trying his hardest not to burst out into tears and embarrassingly drench her in his snot and secretions. She was right in that he was a mess most of the time, this time being no exception. He was quivering in all frequencies, his knees were weak yet he couldn’t help but feel his heart burst with happiness at another symptom of his true love for the girl.

As their lips drew apart, what still connected them was the tingling instantaneous spark of lightning that flashed between them. Haruhi gasped. Tamaki giggled like a mad man, “How did this even happen?”

“How did what happen?” Queried Haruhi absentmindedly, desperate for clarity in the surreal as her finger had instinctively smothered the firework explosions on her bottom lip.

“Us kissing…like that. Mon dieu, this afternoon has felt like a dream I don’t want to wake up from. Some part of me has always wanted this to come true but I was never hoping I would have such trouble believing it as it happens.”

“Senpai, I just...” Haruhi felt her hands slip into his.

“I spent so much time being so oblivious to my feelings, I can’t forgive myself for holding this off for so long. But Haruhi, when did you know?”

“I—Some time ago. When I knew…I felt blindsided and embarrassed. So embarrassed. I didn’t understand why it had to be you.” Started Haruhi bluntly.

Seeing Tamaki’s smile falter, Haruhi panicked and practically screamed, “But I made sense of why it happened just as fast, Senpai! You’re a great person!” Her face grew red again and she squeezed her eyes shut as his kernel of lightning struck her heart and she could’ve sworn she heard thunder. Tears in her eyes, she just didn’t feel like herself.

She wasn’t ready! Why is falling in love so strange?

The warmth was back, channeling entirely in her right cheek he cupped. She saw that his eyes were just as warm as a fusion of the fire that cruel weather often caused. “Strange, yes, but beautiful.”

#tamaharu #tamaki suoh #haruhi fujioka #ouran #ouran high school host club #fanfiction #ouran fanfiction #fanfic #tamaki x haruhi #mod jenii

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lady0ctavia · 10 days ago

Text

As We Ponder Belief

(2p!Prussia x Reader) - Chapter 37

Note: This story is based vaguely during the mid 1200s in Eastern Europe where the Teutonic Knights fought the Northern Crusades to try and convert the native pagan population to Christianity. As a result, this story will have heavy religious themes all throughout. It should also be noted that, while referencing real-life events and locations, I am not striving for full historical accuracy. This is for the sake of the story I am telling.

Once again, this series will have heavy religious themes throughout, including discussions of bible stories, doctrine, and scripture verses, as well as critical analysis of Christian doctrine and beliefs. So, if you don't like that, you will want to skip out on this.

"Father, what's this?"

An older man with a scruffy beard turned away from his bible to look up at his young daughter of twelve years. She stood beside a small trunk full of family memories, out of which she pulled a beautiful, dark green dress. One that had intricately woven gold thread around the hem and neckline, with long sleeves which dangled near the floor. He gave a fond smile to the scene before him.

"That was one of your mother's dresses from when she was young," He reminisced, nostalgia filling his heart. A young (y/n) held the dress up to her own figure before swaying from side to side, the skirt dragging along the ground.

"It's so pretty," She admired, dazzled at the way the candlelight glinted off of the gold thread.

"It was her favorite," Her father set his bible on the kitchen table and rose to his feet. Walking to his daughter, he rested a hand on her head, to which she gave him a sweet, toothy grin.

"Can I wear it?" (y/n) bounced on the balls of her feet excitedly.

"Maybe someday," Her father mused as he gently took the garment from her before carefully folding it. "After you manage to grow taller."

"I'm plenty tall!" She pouted, folding her arms over her chest as her father put away the dress.

"Oh, of course you are," He belly-laughed, giving his daughter gentle pinch on the cheek.

As (y/n) awoke from her dream, she could still hear her father's resounding laughter echoing in the recesses of her mind. Blinking awake, she clumsily sat up.

I had almost forgotten about that day. It's been so long... Hold on, wait a second. She noticed a drop of water fall onto her blanket. Looking up, she saw no sign of a hole in the roof of the small tent. Curious, she wiped her hand across her face, only to feel a dampness across her skin. I guess I was crying. I miss him every day. Mother to, though it's odd considering my lack of memory concerning her.

Attempting to ignore the ache in her chest, (y/n) began to get ready for the day, rolling up her sleeping mat and folding the bedding. The tent was offered to her by Gillen, who suggested that she sleep in the tent, and he sleep in the cart alongside their luggage. When she protested and asked why they couldn't both just sleep in the tent together, a moment where she wasn't exactly thinking, his face went beet red, and he practically fell apart onto the floor. (y/n) chuckled to herself when the memories came to mind.

I guess I should have known better. Vows or no vows, Gillen is not about to sleep alongside a woman to whom he isn't wed. Though to be fair, I'm the same way. Not to mention Gillen said he wanted to sleep in the cart, as that would reduce the risk of us being robbed.

As she finished packing the bedding and getting dressed for the day, she felt her then bare feet brush up against something soft. Turning to the tent's entrance and looking down, she saw a small bouquet of little white flowers loosely tied together with a torn stem. Smiling fondly, she gingerly picked up the bouquet and let her fingers run alongside the delicate petals. The white flowers felt soft and smooth under her touch. Lifting the blooms to her nose, she took a sniff, the fragrance light and earthy.

(These flowers are called snowdrop anemone).

Gillen is so cute. She chuckled before setting the flowers to the side and slipping on her socks and shoes. After which she took hold of the flowers as she left the tent, lifting them close to her heart.

Just before her, across a few paces of grass, was the cart where Gillen stood by the horse, petting its mane as it feasted on the green grass below. After a moment she realized that Gillen himself wasn't wearing a tunic or shirt, already prepared for (y/n) to treat his wound. She blushed, her eyes observing his slim, well-toned figure littered with scars, but didn't give it too much thought. While seeing Gillen shirtless still flustered her to some degree, it was nowhere near how it had been when she first had to treat him at the fortress. They had been on the road for just over a week now, and since them she's become accustomed to helping treat him.

While she stood there, Gillen looked at her over his shoulder. He smiled warmly, almost reverently.

"Guten Morgen, mein Engel," He greeted her, as his eyes traveled to the flowers she held against her chest.

"Good morning, Gillen," She paced forward and stopped to give him a good morning kiss on the cheek. "Thank you for the flowers. They're lovely."

"You're welcome. I got up early to water the horse and I found those by the river further into the woods. They're beautiful," He averted his eyes, his face going bright pink as his voice began to go quiet. "Like you."

(y/n) blushed as well, responding with a laugh. As sweet as Gillen was, he could still be so shy when it came to romantic gestures. I suppose that just comes with the territory of trying to live the life of a monastic warrior monk. However, she found it all endearing, much like how he would occasionally weave German in and out of his sentences.

Playfully, she plucked a flower from the small bouquet and tucked it into his messy ponytail. An action that earned a deadpan stare from the man.

"Really?" He raised a brow.

(y/n) only giggled, a sound of which Gillen couldn't help but offer a small grin.

After this, (y/n) began to pack her bedding and items into the back of the cart, while Gillen took down and packed away the tent. When all of that was done, (y/n) brought out the ointment and bandages. With the two taking a seat on the grass, she began to undo the bandages on his right shoulder before dressing the wound. Meanwhile, she took almost no notice of the reactions Gillen was having.

Gillen couldn't help but shiver every time her fingers touched his skin. He understood that this was just standard procedure, but now that he knew she felt the same for him, it began to increasingly feel more different than before. Especially since they've been alone for just over a week. (y/n)'s touch was exceedingly gentle, simultaneously sending shivers up his spine and causing his heart to melt. The sensation was both pleasurable while being new and uncharted territory, full of unknowns and anxiety. He often found himself wondering how he became so lucky. And also, how much his life had changed in the last few months.

Just over three months ago, he was a loyal and devoted knight of the Teutonic Order. While it wasn't his plan to go to Malbork Fortress specifically, he made it a point to fulfill his responsibilities the best he could. Holding fast to his vows and all he knew to be true.

Yet the Lord saw fit to allow him to cross paths with (y/n). A woman who would not only make him question some of his beliefs, but also capture his heart and prompt him to leave the Order he had devoted the last five years of his life to. It was almost bizarre. A few months ago, he only knew her as a village girl, someone he once locked eyes with but thought nothing of it. And now she had become the most important woman in his life, and someone he didn't want to imagine living without.

As (y/n) finished wrapping new bandages over his wounds, Gillen glanced at the flowers he had picked for her that morning. They were, of course, a sign of love and adoration. A way for him to show just how much he loved her. How much she meant to him. But he wondered; how would (y/n) feel about potentially getting married? I mean, we are already in love and traveling across the country together. What are we planning to do with ourselves if not to wed?

"And there we go," (y/n) finished her work and began to put the materials back in the cart. Meanwhile, Gillen, still in his thoughts, mindlessly got up and followed her.

"(y/n)?" Her name felt wonderful on his tongue.

"Hm? Yes, Gillen? Is your wound hurting you?" She asked, looking up at him with those adorable, doe-like (e/c) eyes.

"Oh, no. It's not. If anything, it's healing up quite well, thank you," He shifted awkwardly on his feet. "I um... Can you please hand me my shirt and tunic? They're sitting behind you."

"Oh, of course," (y/n) turned to see clothing just behind her in the cart. Grabbing them, she held them up to her beloved. "Here you go."

"Thank you." Gillen internally cursed at himself for his lack of courage as his Engel walked past him and picked up the bouquet of little white flowers. If anything, he was at least happy to see her hold onto the blooms as she went to sit on the cart, just behind the horse. Waiting for him.

After dressing himself, as well as putting on his belt and sword at his side, he went to go sit beside her. Taking a hold of the reins, he urged the horse onward, the duo pressing forward for another long day of travel.

(y/n) sat close to Gillen, reaching behind her and taking out a small hunk of bread for the two to share. Breaking it in half, she held up one to him, which he gratefully accepted.

"This is our last bit of food, isn't it?" He asked.

"Almost. We have enough for a few more days," She confirmed.

"Well, if we don't come across a town, I guess I'll have to go hunting again soon," He sighed, taking a bite of bread.

"Yes. Though I must say, I'm surprised we made this loaf last this long." She stated. Gillen nodded in acknowledgement to her comment.

The sun sat lightly over the distant trees, and the two found themselves traversing through open plains of grass, with trees dotting the landscape around them. (y/n) closed her eyes and rested her head on Gillen's shoulder. But when she did so, she was reminded of the dream she had just had that morning.

"Gillen, I have a question."

"Yes?" He gulped, keeping his eyes trained on the dirt road ahead.

Why does he sound so nervous? She thought to herself. Never mind on that.

"I know this might sound out of nowhere, but what was your mother like?"

Gillen turned to look at her, clearly surprised and taken aback by the question.

"That is out of nowhere," He agreed before turning his attention back to the road ahead. "Not that I won't answer it. But may I what's bringing this up in the first place? I don't think I've even heard you speak of your mother before."

"I had a dream last night about her. Well, sort of. She passed when I was quite young, so I never got a chance to know her. I just knew of her. My father said she passed away from illness," (y/n) spoke with a sadness in her tone. One that Gillen responded to with resting a hand on hers.

When a few moments of silence went by and it was clear (y/n) was done speaking, Gillen answered her initial question.

"I am very sorry you didn't get to know your mother. Mine has since passed away as well, but Gilbert and I were able to know her before then," Gillen's gaze became distant and faraway as he spoke, a sense of melancholy in his tone. "She was very attentive to me and my brother, often fussing over us in our father's shop. Though in her defense, a forge isn't exactly the safest place for children. She was kind and gentle, but firm. Something that certainly helped her being married to a stubborn man such as my father. She always stood her ground and spoke her mind, which is something I think he loved about her. She was an excellent cook, and while my father slaved away at his forge day after day, she saw to it that the inside of our home was a clean, healthy place to live."

"She sounds amazing," (y/n) admired, holding onto his arm.

"She truly was," He mused, his voice heavy.

"If you don't mind me asking, how exactly did your mother pass away?" She lightly squeezed his arm, bringing a hand down to hold onto his.

"Childbirth," The melancholy in his tone took over. "She passed away bringing Ludwig into the world. Gilbert and I were only twelve years old. I can't say our family was ever truly the same since."

"I-I'm so sorry," (y/n) looked up at him. He glanced down at her, his gaze mournful, yet with a sweetness behind it all. She could drown in those eyes, eyes she wanted to reach out and comfort.

"Don't worry, it's fine," He spoke softly before planting a kiss on her forehead. After he drew away, he went back to looking at the road, with (y/n) still on his arm. "It might sound strange, but this was actually this event that led to me becoming a doctor."

"Really? How so?" She tilted her head to the side, curious.

"It's true that the loss of my mother was devastating for our family, but with it came a curiosity of how the human body worked. I began to research about childbirth, which later turned to learning about herbal remedies, and so on and so forth. I was fascinated, and that led to me becoming who I am now," He turned his head to (y/n). "And in a way... Led me to meeting you."

While sympathy hung heavy in her heart, it was also light with the love she felt for Gillen. Tenderly, (y/n) raised his hand to her lips, giving the back of his palm a chaste kiss.

Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

Behold! My inability to stop writing because my hands kept moving! As always, please let me know your thoughts!

Translations:

"Guten Morgen, mein Engel." - "Good morning, my angel."

#hetalia #aph #aph x reader #hetalia reader insert #hetalia x reader #aph reader insert #hetalia axis powers #2p hetalia #2p!hetalia #2p prussia #2p!prussia #2p prussia x reader #2p!prussia x reader #gillen beilschmidt

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tojisbbg · 2 years ago

Text

𝙧𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮

❝stay with me, as we cross the empty skies.❞

♡ eren jaeger ♡

sypnosis: they were soulmates that weren’t meant to be, at least not in this life.

a/n: hii! i decided to switch it up a little with my usual content and write for the aot fandom (psstt, it’s the first anime fandom that i joined). for this particular post, please make sure to carefully read the warning as this will contain very sensitive and maybe triggering aspects. i don’t want to make anyone upset or uncomfortable. hope you guys enjoy it!

a/n (cont.): not gonna lie, i had to pause while writing this because of how bad it broke my heart. sorry, eren stans 😞

14.1k words

warnings: eren jaeger x reader, modern!au, in third person pov, deceiving fluff, heavy angst (sorry), hurt no comfort, mentions of self-harm, suicidal thoughts, brief mention of an eating disorder and body dysmorphia, suicide, not edited for grammatical errors.

---

a new beginning.

the unforgiving cold winter has finally subsided, letting the soft and gentle warmth of spring embrace the earth. a touch of tenderness as the youth played without a stop in the playground as careless parents continued to chat with each other.

spring was finally here.

people were joyous, excited for the warmer weather to come as families began to plan all the sites that they would like to visit for vacation. friends were making summer plans with each other on where their next hit party location would be, ready to get boozed up and wash away their misery by living their teenage years freely.

they were free, like a bird who was finally out of a cage and let into the wild. exactly where it belonged.

but, not everyone was up for new beginnings. chained and caged to their own minds, like ravaging beasts that tore their sanity to pieces.

a lonely girl was seen walking along the park's sidewalk, peacefully listening to her music as she carried her college textbooks and sketchbook in her arms.

she was a simple girl.

or so people thought as they walked past her. but who knew, that her mind was far from simple, a complex process of thoughts that haunted her every single day that she lived.

not paying too much attention to her surroundings, twenty-one-year-old y/n was strolling to her heart's content on a hill under a cherry blossom tree. it was days like this where she truly felt a wave of comfort towards her sanity, watching the cherry blossom trees slowly release the pretty pink petals, one by one.

it brought her peace to know that it wasn't only her that was slowly falling apart. the only difference was that the petals fell gracefully and beautifully.

while she fell apart in the most painful way that she knew.

y/n watched the kids playing tag in the distance, a smile tugging on the corner of her lips as she was overwhelmed with nostalgia.

oh, how free she used to be.

she could almost remember how the sun's warmth embraced her like a mother soothing her child to safety. but now, her whole body was sheathed with clothing, not exposing an inch of skin for the sun's rays to hug.

how y/n wishes that she could relive those days just once. but, life was far from fair.

shit, it's already four in the afternoon? i better get home quick before mom and dad start to worry about me.

she thought as she picked up her pace, not noticing the figure in front of her. she bumped into a hard chest, making the person groan in pain as y/n's eyes widened in panic and embarrassment while her books dropped to the ground.

"oh my god! i'm so sorry!" she quickly apologized, looking up to be met with the most beautiful pair of eyes that she has ever seen. she couldn't tell if it was a shade of teal or emerald green, but whatever it may be, they hypnotized her instantly.

"are you okay?" his voice sounded so smooth, just like honey. his eyes holding concern for the panicking girl as she slowly nodded her head.

"yeah, are you okay?" y/n asked, watching the boy give her an assuring smile.

"don't worry, i'm okay. oh, and so sorry for making you drop these." he said as he bent down, picking up the books and notes that the girl dropped. y/n on the other hand was too busy staring at him, he was just so beautiful.

he was wearing a black cardigan, a green t-shirt and brown slacks. such a simple style yet he looked so soft and warm. his brown hair was long and tied into a small bun in the back, a couple of loose strands falling to his forehead as his slender fingers scrambled around all over the place to pick up y/n's items.

"here you go, again, i'm so sorry about this. i should've moved out of the way when i saw you rush forwards." the beautiful boy said with guilt as he rubbed the back of his nape, handing her the heavy textbooks as both of their fingers brushed against each other. y/n quickly shook her head.

"no, don't worry about it. it was my fault too, and thank you for picking up my things." she said with a shy smile, making the boy nod his head as he put on his earbuds back in his ear, waving her goodbye before walking off.

y/n couldn't move from her spot, almost as if that gorgeous boy had an invisible string tied to her, dragging her soul with him. her mind couldn't get the image of him out.

with a sigh, she began to walk on the opposite direction which would lead her to her destination.

home.

with her mind running in many different places, another regret was added to her big list. she wished that she could've asked for his name, but it would seem creepy, so she didn't.

now you're just a part of my memory. will we ever meet again?

y/n wondered as she crossed the street.

---

"i'm home." she announced, but as expected, a response wasn't heard back. not that it was a surprise, her parents were never home.

always busy with work and more work. they missed every birthday, every thanksgiving, every christmas and every graduation, handing her bundles of cash as a way to pay off their debt of not being available for their only child.

y/n walked past the kitchen, noticing a small post-it note that informed her that money was left on the table so that she could order a pizza for lunch.

when even was the last time that she had a proper home cooked meal? she didn't know and she no longer cared.

it's not like she was hungry anyways.

trudging upstairs, she finally reached her room and opened her door to plop on her bed as she closed her eyes.

---

it's been a week since y/n had that small encounter with the boy. she's been going back to that park frequently in hopes of bumping into him once again, hoping to see him stroll nearby with his headphones plugged in.

but she didn't see him.

where are you? what are you doing right now?

she couldn't help but wonder, smiling as a small blush tinted her cheeks while she thought about how their hands touched for a brief moment. his skin was so warm and soft to the touch.

she could still remember his face as clear as day. strikingly beautiful teal orbs, glistening in the sun's brightness. brown locks that looked so soft to run her hands through.

and of course, she couldn't forget his warm smile that she was sure would make thousands of angels turn away in jealousy.

y/n's always has been a hopeless romantic, but she couldn't help herself from getting even more hopeless.

you are too perfect for me, and I am too imperfect for you.

she thought as she grabbed her sketchbook from her small desk.

although i may not know your identity or who you are, i am sure that i have met you in both a dream and real life.

she knew that she had to draw him.

---

night fell, a spine tingling breeze brushed past y/n as she began to walk through the empty trail of the park. it was deserted, not a single soul to be seen as the only source of light that illuminated the area was the moon itself and the streetlights.

the girl clutched onto her sketchbook and pencil tightly, mesmerized by the music playing in her ears.

pretty boy by the neighborhood.

it was a perfect song, made for the perfect boy that has been swarming around her mind for the longest.

she sat down on the grass under the cherry blossom tree, the petals once again falling on her head, which she didn't mind. before opening her sketchbook, she gazed at the sky that was littered with a couple of stars and the full moon.

suddenly, a shooting star passed by.

i wish you were here with me right now.

y/n silently prayed, her eyes closed as she smiled at the image of the boy her mind created once again.

you don't have to do anything, just be by my side and smile once more.

she opened her sketchbook, twirling the pencil around a bit in between her index and middle finger. the tip hit the paper as she began to make soft strokes, beginning to draw her most favorite feature of his.

his eyes.

the look of concern that he gave her was filled with so much warmth, it was something so precious to her, as nobody ever looked at her like that before.

you are precious to me.

y/n finished sketching the basic shape of his eyes, beginning to make the smaller details before she could start shading. at the same time, she could hear footsteps near her and the rustling of the soft grass.

but she didn't pay too much mind to it as she was busy fixing his eyebrows, but she kept her music low.

in the corner of her eyes, she saw the shadow of another person as they took a seat next to her. but, she was too occupied with her drawing to pay an ounce of attention.

"what are you drawing?" the person asked, the familiar honey like voice making her halt her movement, eyes widened as her body felt electricity run through it.

it was him, it had to be him.

she looked over to her side to spare a glance, her eyes meeting with the same boy that she had bumped into a week ago.

it really is you.

there he was, sitting by her side as he smiled at her once again. a contagious smile that outshone the hundreds of stars in the night sky.

"someone special." y/n cheekily responded, making the boy chuckle as a reaction.

you are special to me.

he once again plugged in his headphones and began to listen to his own music while the girl continued to draw.

it has been almost an hour, the clock inching towards midnight, as the two didn't exchange a single word afterwards. both were just sitting under the cherry blossom tree, next to each other's side, as they coped in their own way.

a girl who drew away all her pain within the fine lines that she stroked, and a boy who drowned all of his troubles in the sounds of the blasting music in his ears.

"i should get going, it's getting pretty late." he announced as he tapped the screen of his phone, making y/n look his way with innocent eyes.

"oh, right." she simply blurted out, losing track of time as she was so busy perfecting her sketch and savoring his presence next to her.

"what's your name?" he asked while standing up before extending a hand towards y/n, which she hesitantly took from how jittery he made her feel.

"y/n. yours?" she replied as she took a hold of his hands, loving the feeling of his skin on hers. such a warm touch that sparked fire throughout her body.

"that's a pretty name. mine is eren." he responded, making knots form in her stomach from the very many butterflies that swarmed inside from his compliment. goosebumps were sent all over her body from how beautiful his name was.

so short and simple yet it rolled off her tongue like a sweet melody.

eren.

a beautiful name for a beautiful person.

---

today was the beginning of a new week.

it was raining from last night, so y/n didn't have the chance to go to the park and meet with eren last night.

the spot under the cherry blossom tree would become their own little comfort circle, as the girl drew him while the boy listened to his music and imagined her face in his mind.

oh god, it was as if he was lovesick.

eren couldn't stop thinking about her since the day they both bumped into each other, feeling his heart combust from how cute she looked when flustered. her gentle soul calmed down his usually paranoid one.

y/n on the other hand, would steal a couple of glances at eren for the purpose of not only drawing him but to relax the fast pace of her beating heart.

every time she looked at him, she would only see him with his eyes closed as the soft breeze blew a couple of strands of hair to his closed eyes while he listened to his music.

she wanted to know what he was listening to with so much passion and emotion.

i'll ask you the next time i see you.

y/n noted before getting up from her bed, noticing that her snacks were finished. her parents were away on another business trip, which meant that they wouldn't be here until tomorrow.

she made sure to lock the main door behind her before she began to walk down the block where the nearest supermarket was located.

as y/n walked down the street, she noticed how empty the sidewalks were. it made her sad but feel comforted at the same time as the rain washed away all the burdensome thoughts that were pestering her mind.

her world has always been lonely, while she carried a heavy heart filled with pain and regret.

she felt hopeless and unwanted.

but how could she? she had everything a person could ever ask for.

a roof above her head, food on the table, parents that were more than financially stable and so much more. she had everything that a kid could ever dream of.

yet, why did she feel so lonely?

the type of loneliness that consumed y/n, suffocating her till she felt like she could no longer breathe. but, the presence of the people in her life felt more insufferable, as she felt like each one of them held imaginary guns to her head.

except for one person.

eren.

his presence made her feel wanted, she liked his presence better than being alone from the other people in her life.

entering the automated doors, she grabbed a red basket before heading towards the snacks aisle. there she threw in a couple of packs of rice balls, chips, candies and ice cream.

while she shuffled through the narrow paths, she didn't realize how her basket collided with someone else's. as she quickly turned around to apologize, her eyes were met with the beautiful boy once again.

"y/n?" eren asked, recognizing her as he turned to face her.

he was always the first one bumping into her.

was this fate?

"yeah, just came by to grab some snacks." she said with a giggle as she held up her basket.

"ohh, those are some great picks. i just came here to do some grocery shopping, you know, fill up the fridge again." he explained, making the girl nod her head in understatement.

she noticed how one of his earbuds were out, so that he could listen to her more carefully. mustering up the courage, y/n was about to open her mouth and ask him what he was listening to, only to be interrupted by a blonde by that was calling eren's name.

"i'm so sorry, i've got to go. my friend's calling me." eren said with an apologetic look, but y/n just gave him a soft smile.

"no worries, catch you later, eren." she said, purposely saying his name at the end, only to hear how beautifully it rolled off her tongue. they both waved each other goodbye as she watched his back walk towards the counter to pay for his items.

eren secretly cursed at his friend armin for ruining the moment, wishing that he could've chatted with her for a bit longer. he loved her presence, he felt an aura so powerful, almost like she was always there just to protect and accompany him from the world's cruel ways.

the both of them were falling for each other deeper than they could've ever imagined.

---

"y/n!" a loud voice boomed from downstairs, making the girl quickly tumble out of bed as she recognized the angry voice of her mother.

"yeah mom?" she responded while she headed downstairs, seeing the woman having both of her hands on her hips with a displeased face.

"honey, what is all of this?" y/n's mom questioned as she pointed at the white bag on the kitchen counter filled with the snacks that were bought by the younger girl yesterday. however, y/n just remained silent as she didn't know what to say to argue back with her mother.

it wasn't like it was a fight worth arguing for because in the end, her mother would always find a way to prove her point, whether it was reasonable or not.

"if you continue to eat like this, then you'll be needing a whole new pant size by next month." she chuckled, poking at the girl's stomach in a teasing manner, only for y/n to swat her mother's hand away. her mother frowned at the action, but shrugged it off.

"you could ignore me all you want, but i just want the best for my daughter. your cousin lost twenty pounds this month! isn't that so amazing?" her mother questioned, although her intentions were to rub it in her face, making y/n's heart pump faster as she could feel anxiety overwhelm her being. her body began to shake and palms began to sweat as it became harder to breathe.

she could feel tears well in her eyes, as she turned her back to walk back upstairs to her room. y/n refused to show her mother any kind of weakness, knowing well enough that it would be used against her.

"y/n? honey!" she could hear her mother yell for her, but continued to ignore her.

the weeping girl entered her room, sniffling and choking on her sobs. she felt pathetic, wondering why such trivial words always get to her.

but that was the problem, these words weren't trivial at all nor were they words of genuine concern from her mother. in fact, it wasn't just her mother but all of her relatives.

she entered her bathroom, looking at the huge mirror as she stared at her body.

she poked all around her body, feeling disgusted as the mirror continued to deceive her in the most crude ways possible. the voices in her head were sounding more like her mother and her annoying relatives that would continuously tell her to shed off some weight at every family gathering.

but what weight?

she was a perfectly healthy girl, even her doctors said that.

so why, just why couldn't they see that? why did they continue to call her such degrading names that rotted her ears or compare her body with girls that weighed less than her? why would they pinch the sides of her stomach and tell her to starve herself?

numbers on the scale that would determine her self-worth towards others, making her crumble to pieces. she went to bed with an empty stomach for days, just like how she did before, not wanting to add more calories to her body nor burden her parents by wasting their money.

why can't i be pretty?

i want to feel pretty.

am i not enough?

why do i feel so alone?

these questions taunted her mind, ripping her into shreds as she stared down at the white marbled tile floors in the bathroom. nothing was ever enough to satisfy her parents, there was always an issue to the point where y/n thought that maybe her birth was a mistake.

their expectations for her were above the roof, and that raised conflict against y/n's grades. she was an average student with a sharp mind, but to her parents it was the signs of a developing failure. they despised her major, not giving a single shit that it was her dream to pursue an art career.

another reason why she hated family reunions. her cousins were either successful doctors and business people, or they were in the process of reaching those goals. those shitty relatives of hers knew what she wanted to do in the future, but always asked regardless to make a joke out of her.

which is why she stopped attending, not caring that her relatives threw dirt on her parents for raising a disrespectful brat. anything in this whole world was better than hearing such heart-stabbing words from people who are your own blood, people who are supposed to be by your side no matter what.

through her blurry vision, she looked at the corner of her sink, noticing the small metal that was glistening under the light. y/n closed her eyes, trying to distract her mind to another path, not wanting to fall on the road of darkness once again. she's tried so hard to maintain a clean record, and she'd be ashamed of herself for breaking it.

but everyone had a breaking point, and y/n was no different.

a heavy sigh left her lips and she knew that she needed some kind of relief from all these thoughts that were buzzing around her mind like a bunch of annoying flies. and so, she allowed herself to be defeated.

all she ever wanted was for someone to notice that she was trying her best to satisfy the world to their pleasure.

---

eren sat on his bed, letting out a heavy sigh as he began to rub his temples. the boy was only twenty-one, yet he would stay up for days thinking about how he was gonna make his life work out.

bill after bill were piling up on the kitchen table, and it wasn't only housing bills. majority of the pile consisted of hospital bills due to eren's father being admitted, as the poor old man was diagnosed with heart disease about a year ago.

eren was devastated, unable to financially support himself or his sick father. he worked a job but it could only pay so much.

he threw the envelope to the side, grabbing his phone as he plugged in his earbuds before grasping the keys on the lamp table.

it was time for eren to put his mind at rest for the night.

---

the crisp air of tonight once again sent chills down y/n's spine while she walked inside the park. it was inching closer to midnight, the whole world was asleep except for two people.

the restless souls of a girl and boy who were slowly dying.

the girl began to walk up the small hill to where the large cherry blossom tree resided. there, she saw the outline of a figure already seated as when she got closer, she was met with eren.

they both greeted each other as y/n sat right next to him like usual before averting her gaze to her sketchbook. she began to open to the page that she was working on for about more than a week now.

that is until she felt a light tap on her shoulder, making her jolt as she was startled.

"yeah?" she asked as she glanced at eren, who now took off both of his earbuds while he turned his whole body towards her.

"sorry if i startled you, i just wanted to ask you if you wouldn't mind talking to me tonight? if you're not busy." he hesitantly asked with a small smile, making y/n's heart swell with warmth as she felt fuzzy inside.

"of course, i'd love that." y/n responded as she closed her sketchbook and placed it on the ground, planning to work on it later at home.

"you know, i didn't expect you to come here often, especially at such a late hour." eren commented, making the girl hum in response.

"same here. but, i usually come here to draw because sometimes the world could be so loud and you just need to take a step back to give yourself some time." she explained, making the boy nod his head in agreement.

"i get where you're coming from. oh my god, wait- i come here almost every night, am i a bother? im so-" eren began to ramble with panic, hating himself for invading her privacy without even asking her once if she was okay with it.

"no! please don't apologize, you're no bother at all. i actually enjoy your company a lot." y/n quickly cut him off, assuring that it was perfectly okay. she placed a gentle hand on his back, calming him down as he nodded with an exhale of relief.

she noticed how tense he was, always jumping to apologize for the smallest things and she couldn't help but wonder if he was okay. but, she decided to not ask as it was not her place to pry into his personal life.

after all, they were just two strangers who happen to find comfort in each other's presence during their darkest hours.

"i'm glad to know that you didn't find me creepy or anything. i usually come back here because it brings me peace to know that someone is by my side around this lonely hour." he admitted with a shy smile, making the girl blush.

and just like that, they began to exchange small talk with each other. talking about random things such as their favorite colors, clothing styles, and so on.

"march twentieth? aww, that means it already passed." y/n pouted in disappointment, making the boy chuckle.

"don't worry, i don't really do anything for my birthday either way." he said, his tone laced with a hint of sadness.

"if it makes you feel any better, i sleep the whole day away. not much of a party person, you know?" she attempted to make the mood lighter.

"i guess us meeting each other was destiny, huh? we both connect so well." eren added, making her giggle from his words.

a playful destiny that they both didn't know what they were getting themselves into. they crossed in each other's paths, weaving themselves into each other's hearts and mind.

"can i ask you something, if you don't mind?" y/n asked, playing with her fingers as her nerves were practically killing her at the moment.

"of course, what's up?" eren softly said, noticing how fidgety she was in front of him.

"what song are you listening to?" she asked her burning question, but it came out to be more like a mumble.

"ah, this? well, i listen to many songs by various different artists. but there's this one particular song that is very dear to my heart and it's called je te laisserai des mots by patrick watson. the song reminds me of my mother." eren mentioned, showing her his screen which had the pop-up of the song's cover picture.

"oh, i see. what happened to her?" y/n nonchalantly blurted, regretting her words immediately as she quickly slapped a hand on her mouth.

"sorry, that was such a personal question." she quickly tried to amend her words, but eren shook his head.

"no worries, you're fine. my mother passed away about three years ago from leukemia." he said with a sad smile, his words came out much softer than before, almost like a whisper as he harshly gulped.

y/n's eyes widened, her heart softening as she saw the boy trying to maintain a strong character.

"i'm so sorry, eren." was the only thing she could say, wishing that she could somehow make him feel better.

eren began to tell her how the song was about leaving letters under the door, during the night when the whole world turned silent. two lovers that would heal each other through their sweet words of nothings and secret communication, waiting for the perfect moment to embrace and kiss each other.

the song sounded beautiful, making y/n want to listen to it right now. eren took the phone out of her hands, the two seconds of skin contact making y/n's heart almost jump out of her chest. he found the song on youtube and added it to her playlist.

eren's mother would always tell him stories of how everyone in the world was created in pairs and that he soon will find his other half.

but who knew, that the universe would play a cruel card on the poor boy by making him meet her at the wrong time.

"your mother sounds like a lovely woman and this song sounds just as lovely as her." y/n commented, making eren's lips curl into a smile, the strings of his heart being tugged by how gentle she was with him.

"she really was." he sighed out, a whimper leaving his mouth as the girl turned to face him. there she saw his face, coated with tears as they spilled from his gorgeous eyes.

y/n's heart clenched in pain, unable to take in the sight of eren crying in front of her. her hands were getting clammy and shaky as she didn't know how to approach him. she sucked in a breath, screwing everything to hell.

y/n leaned forwards, making eren look up at her with glossy red eyes. god, he looked so ethereal, so beautiful as the pale moonlight shone over his face. the girl only managed to nod at him before pulling him to her chest, allowing him to sob all of his pain on her.

"all these years, i've been so alone. always wondering, just when will it all get better? but it never did, false hope is much more painful than anything else in the world." he choked out, salty tears wetting her shirt.

y/n couldn't help but let her own tears roll down her rosy cheeks, sniffling as she heard the boy tell her his story. the story of the boy whom she presumed to be free from the world's hellish ways, when in reality, he was just like her.

chained to his own torturous mind.

and that's when y/n realized, how similar their worlds were. she thought that she lived in a world where only she existed, falling deeper into the void of nothing but darkness.

but now, he was in her world and made it feel less empty.

the girl placed both of her palms on the sides of his wet face, soft and tender fingers brushing against his skin to wipe away his tears as she looked at him with the most adoring and gentle eyes.

"you're not alone anymore, eren. i'm here with you now." y/n assures before placing her forehead on his, feeling his warm breath against her own. eren began to relax into her hold, wrapping his arms around her waist to pull her in tighter, inhaling her scent which continued to intoxicate his mind like a drug.

and just like that, they both became each other's one and only.

---

both eren and y/n exchanged their numbers, texting each other almost daily. they both were holding onto a thread where they pulled on each end. of course, they continued to meet up exactly around midnight under the same cherry blossom tree.

it was raining outside, which meant that y/n would stay home tonight. she loved the rain as it would bring her a sense of home of the home that she never had. the sky was crying, a beautifully tragic scene as the sky was also home to the stars, something so beautiful yet painfully sad.

it showed that no matter how much you shine and seem to be so flawless, inside, there will always be a piece of sorrow that no one wants to show.

this would perfectly describe both eren and y/n. they were both a tragically beautiful piece of a suicidal work of art.

perfectly imperfect together.

y/n walked downstairs with her sketchbook in hand, wanting to continue her drawing of eren as she placed the book on the dining table. once again plugging in her headphone, she began to go through her playlist to find the song that eren recommended her.

that was until chaos broke.

"y/n!" her father angrily yelled into the room, making the poor girl look up at the man in both panic and fear. she wasn't necessarily close with either parents, but her father always managed to scare her from how strict and neutral his face would always be.

she couldn't even remember the last time that she hugged him or even had a normal conversation with him.

"you good for nothing of a child! i just got your semester's report card in the mail today and you're still in that useless art major? the hell is this y/n! haven't i advised you many times to take a business course?" her dad scolded her, making her tremble on her spot as the man's face turned red.

"i'm not interested in business, dad. i have a passion for art and would like to continue doing so. but if you can't accept that, then i don't have anything else to say to you." she harshly spoke up, glaring at the man as her dad's eyes widened.

"since when have you learned to talk back to me so rudely, huh? fine, do what you want. but when things don't go the way you wanted, don't come running back to us because these doors are gonna be closed for you, for good." he deadpanned, facial expressions remaining calm yet his words were like a bunch of knives, stabbing y/n's already aching heart a thousand times.

she was still their kid, how could they say such a thing? parents were expected to encourage their kids and be their backbone, but every time that y/n spoke to hers, she wished that she never had any to begin with.

"i see." was the only thing she blurted before resuming to put her headphones in, ignoring her father's presence. he scoffed in disbelief before walking towards his daughter, harshly grabbing the wires of the headphones.

"what the fuck is your problem, man?" y/n angrily scowled, watching her father throw the headphones on the ground before stomping on it. she watched them break, knowing well enough that she won't be able to buy new ones any time soon.

"there you go, now let's see how you'll ignore my words. god, why did i ever even decide to have a kid. a pain in my ass." he muttered the last sentence under his breath, yet the words rung clear in y/n's head as tears brimmed in her eyes.

without a second thought, the girl grabbed her sketchbook and pencil before storming out the door. she heard her father yell, but she no longer cared, all she wanted to do was leave.

she wanted to leave her home, her parents and she wanted to leave this world.

i hate this! i hate this so much! i want to leave, leave everyone and this fucking world. go to hell, for fucks sake.

she thought as she ran through the pouring rain, not caring that her clothes were drenched and her hair was sticking to her forehead. it was so hard to deal with her conflicting emotions every day, living through random waves of sadness and loneliness.

y/n's sketchbook had a leather cover, but she still shoved it inside her shirt in fear of it getting wet and destroyed. she found herself walking along the same path of the park as she kept on walking closer to the cherry blossom tree.

she plopped on the grass, crying out as she looked at her knees. she felt hopeless and desperate, wishing that she could somehow change her life.

if only she could turn back time, then would everything change? if she did listen to her parents and followed their every order like a dog, then would they perhaps love her more?

all she wanted was some affection and care. is she not even worthy of that?

she heard the heavy raindrop noise pitter-pattering on a hard surface as she no longer felt the drops hitting her body. she looked forwards to see a pair of legs, an umbrella that was now shielding her from the cold rain.

"y/n?" a voice called out, tone dripping with concern as she knew that voice.

the voice that would always make her days, soothe her sanity and calm down her racing heart.

"eren." she whispered, a small smile making its way to her lips as she crouched her head. eren let go of the umbrella, dropping to his knees in front of her before cradling her in his arms while the girl cried on his chest in the pouring rain. her fists grabbed onto his shirt as she choked on her tears, whimpers leaving her mouth.

he was always here for her, coming to her during the times that she needed someone the most. he was there to give her a shoulder to cry on, wrap around his arms to bring her a sense of warmth and comfort and most of all, he was there to smile for her.

his smile that gave her some hope in continuing life, just so that she could wake up every day and look forward to seeing that gorgeous smile.

"what happened, y/n?" eren softly asked, hesitating in his mind a bit on whether or not he should ask but he did anyways. he wanted to help her, he'd do anything for her if it meant that she'd feel an inch better than she was feeling right now.

"please, just take me home, eren." she whispered against the flesh of his neck, making the boy pinch his eyebrows together in confusion.

"i don't know where you live though." he answered, but the girl shook her head.

"i'll go wherever you go, eren. that's my home, you're my home." she mumbled in his shirt, making his heart skip multiple beats and he didn't know if it was from her words or from how her lips were grazing against his collarbones.

"okay, let's go." eren nodded his head before picking up the exhausted girl in his arms as he began to walk to his house.

---

"if you need anything, just let me know, hm?" eren informed as he handed y/n a pair of his pants and a t-shirt. the girl nodded before walking inside the bathroom to change out of her soaking clothes while eren sat in his room waiting for her.

after a couple of minutes, y/n walked out and noticed that eren also changed out of his wet clothes. sighing out heavily, she took a seat next to him on his bed.

"what were you doing out in the pouring rain, y/n? you're going to get sick." he said with a frown, caressing her cheeks softly.

"i'm already sick eren, what's a little rain gonna do to me?" she responded with a bitter chuckle, making the boy look at her with curious eyes.

"y/n.." eren trailed off, watching the girl in front of him fall to pieces.

"no, i shouldn't be feeling this way. it's pathetic, what do i have to be sad about? i have both of my parents, a house, food on the table, and so much more. but even with all that, why do i feel so miserable, eren? please, i need an answer. i can't stop feeling this wave of hatred for myself." y/n spoke as her voice cracked towards the end, eyes desperately searching eren's for some kind of solution.

"you have every right to feel this way, y/n. if it hurts you, then it hurts. your feelings are valid just like anyone else's." eren softly told her, words as delicate as a feather as he was afraid that she would break under his touch.

he was an angel, listening to her every word with deep care and attention.

he was her angel.

"they were never here for me. i've spent the last twenty-one years all alone, every birthday, every christmas and every graduation. they could never make any time for me, am i not worth their time? am i that burdensome?" y/n questioned, wetting eren's perfectly dried shirt as the boy continued to rub her back in a soothing manner.

"i would swim across the seven seas if it meant to spend just a minute with you." eren said, making her breath hitch as she looked up at him only to have him look down at her with the most pure and soft eyes.

"no, i don't deserve your time, eren. you deserve someone better, someone prettier and someone who's flawless. i'm not the one." she painfully spoke, each word breaking her heart even more.

"but you're an angel, y/n. a breathtakingly beautiful angel. everyone has their own flaws, it's what makes them special. and the both of us, we're beautifully broken together." eren said with glossy eyes before planting a chaste kiss on her forehead.

and after so many lonely years later, y/n finally felt wanted and cared for, just as she desired with all her heart.

---

it's been about two weeks since y/n has been living with eren. her parents still haven't come looking for her, not that she cared. even if they were to come and demand her to go home, she knew that she wouldn't oblige.

the moments that she spent with eren felt like a dream, too good to be true. he was the only one who was able to make her lonely world feel like it was alive. he was the light that shone bright in the deep and dark caverns of her soul.

he gave her a purpose.

and just like that, she gave him a reason to continue. she was his anchor, the one holding the pieces of his sanity together.

y/n has just finished her drawing of eren, staring at it every night after the lights went out and eren left to go sleep on the couch. the drawing was perfect and beautiful, just like the inspired model himself.

secretly, y/n has been saving up for a special surprise for eren. after running away from home, her parents stopped putting money in her bank account, so with whatever she had left, she tried her best to help eren out and use it for her surprise.

she pulled out the small red box before opening it, hearing the beautiful melody. it was a customized music box that had the same tune playing of eren's favorite song.

je te laisserai des mots by patrick watson.

y/n placed it in the gift bag along with the drawing of eren, and now all she had to do was look for eren himself.

she got up from the bed, feet shuffling as she exited the room to look for the brunet. but, he was nowhere to be seen. lost in confusion, she followed her instincts and went outside.

y/n let out a breath of relief as she noticed the figure in the distance, slightly jogging up to him before hugging his back.

"eren! i-" her words were short-lived as her nose burned with the foul smell of cigarettes. shocked, she quickly pulled away and forced eren to face her.

"eren, what are you doing?" she quickly blurted out before grabbing the cancerous stick out of his mouth, throwing it on the floor as she stepped on it.

"i don't know what to do anymore, y/n." eren sighed out, before collapsing into her arms as he buried his face in the crook of her neck. naturally, she wrapped her arms around his neck as she stroked his hair.

"it's okay, i'm here." she quietly assured.

"my father's condition is getting worse and the doctors told me that if i can't pay his hospital bills within the next month, then all of his medical treatment will eventually be stopped." he mumbled into her neck, trying to explain the situation to the girl.

y/n was frozen, immobile in her tracks as she felt eren's tears hit her skin. she didn't know what to do, she didn't have enough money on her to help the boy out with his father.

"i could get a second job, eren. we could make this work, don't lose hope, alright? i'm here with you no matter what." y/n murmured against his hair before kissing his forehead.

"i'm so sorry you had to see me like that. i just need something to get my mind off of that, you know?" he tried to defend himself as guilt washed over his face.

"you don't need to apologize, eren. but please, don't smoke anymore. share it with me, let me take some of the load. i don't want you to suffer alone." she caressed his face, making eren smile at her as he wondered to himself what he ever did to deserve someone like y/n.

"thank you for being so kind to me. i promise, i won't smoke anymore." he vowed, making the girl nod her head.

"oh right, i forgot to ask you. i'm gonna go see my mother later on, would you like to meet her?" eren offered and without hesitation, y/n nodded her head.

"i'd love to meet her, eren!" she exclaimed, hugging the boy once again in content as he chuckled in reaction.

"then let's go meet her together!" eren sang out before taking a hold of her soft hands as they both began to walk.

---

"hey mom." eren said with a cheeky smile, sitting next to the gravestone as he stroked it gently. y/n took a seat next to him, carefully watching the boy talk to his mother.

"sorry for not coming so often, dad's bills are skyrocketing and he himself isn't doing so well. ah, how could he be so selfish? he's getting ready to see you way too soon." he spoke with a shaky voice, trying to keep his composure, although his voice kept cracking from the immense amount of pain he was feeling.

but, that wasn't until he felt two smaller arms wrap around his torso as the girl leaned into his chest.

"nice to meet you, mrs. jaeger. i'm y/n." she simply introduced herself, making eren smile like a fool in love.

i've found my other half, mom.

eren silently thought, hoping that his words were able to reach his mother. he watched the girl talking with his mother, telling her about her childhood and how much he meant to her.

"i promise you, mrs. jaeger, i'll go into space to bring the stars for your son if i have to." she whispered before place a small kiss on the stone.

---

"what's this?" eren innocently asked, pointing to the gift bag that rested on his bed. y/n grinned as she ushered him to open it.

"a surprise." y/n whispered into his ears before pressing a small kiss on his temple, making the boy blush from the sudden action.

he dug inside the bag and pulled out the music box, opening it as the tune began to play. his eyes widened in shock, looking at y/n.

"is this actually for me?" he asked to be sure, and the girl nodded her head.

"yup! just for you." she chirped with a grin. eren continued to look in the bag and pulled out the portrait of himself.

"you were working on me the whole time?" he gasped, amazed at how beautifully she drew him.

"i started this portrait ever since we've first bumped into each other. you were just so gorgeous that i couldn't help myself." y/n embarrassingly admitted, making eren grab her face with the palm of his hands.

"it's beautiful, thank you so much, my little angel." the nickname sent tight knots being tied all over y/n's body, the familiar warm and fuzzy feeling making her chest tighten.

"you really like it?" she asked and eren gave her a soft smile.

"i love it, and to show you my gratitude, would you be up for going to the summer festival with me tomorrow?" he invited her with a small smirk, making heat rush up to her cheeks.

was this a date?

y/n's thoughts were swarming in her head, all running in different directions.

"of course." she responded before pulling him in for another hug.

she could never have enough of him and the way they both loved each other started to scare them, as they were becoming afraid to lose one another.

---

it was a beautiful sight.

colorful lights decorating the streets and the huge park, fairy lights wrapped all around the branches of the cherry blossom trees. along with the that, the delicious smell of the various snacks in each vendor was enough to make both y/n and eren hungry. but, they just got here and they still have the whole night to spend.

"can you believe that this would happen every year and each year i would stay home?" y/n scoffed in disbelief, making eren hum in response as he watched the flock of people shuffling around.

"well, now the both of us are here for the first time! since i've never been to one either." eren said as he took a hold of her hand, swinging it back and forth as they began to look around.

little kids were running around like a couple of wild rabbits, swirling the lit up balloons or the animal shaped balloons in the air. y/n looked around, noticing how they had stalls where you could get your face painted into different animals and such.

the area was radiating with nothing but positive vibes, euphoric energy as screams of fear could be heard in the distance. they placed a few rollercoasters this year too.

"so, what would you like to do first?" he asked, pulling her closer to his chest as his warmth engulfed her being.

"let's go ride that!" y/n's eyes lit up as she pointed to a ride that had a huge slope and although eren looked at it with hesitant eyes, he wanted to fulfill her request.

"well then, your wish is my command." eren said in a cheesy manner, making the girl become flustered as she playfully smacked his chest, the both of them erupting into a fit of laughter.

it was nights like these that made the both of them truly feel alive.

the wait in line wasn't too long as the festival just started and people started to come in, so both eren and y/n got into an empty cart pretty easily. the workers buckled them up securely before giving them a thumbs up, indicating that they were ready for the ride.

it started, y/n could feel the thumping of her heart get louder as the ride slowly began to inch towards the top. eren on the other hand, gulped harshly as he glanced at y/n who also shared the same fearful look.

no, i have to be a man.

eren mentally scolded himself before clearing his throat.

"if you feel scared, you could always hold onto my hand." he offered, making the girl scoff as she rolled her eyes.

"do you think of me as a wimp?" she argued back, making eren hum.

"hmm, we'll see." he teased before sticking out his tongue at her.

they finally reached the top and all the pride and courage in the both of them were soon nowhere to be found. they stopped right at the top as both y/n and eren's eyes were shut closed.

"are you ready y/n?!"

"hell no! are you ready eren?!

"no! but let's be ready together, yeah?!"

"okay!"

and with that being said, the ride went down the slope at an unbelievably fast pace, making the both of them scream their lungs off. facing his fear, eren opened his eyes only to laugh in disbelief at the sight.

they were up so high on the second slope as he quickly looked at his right side, watching the girl scream with her eyes tightly screwed shut.

"y/n! open your eyes!" eren quickly blurted out, but she violently shook her head.

"i can't!" y/n yelled back.

"you can! just trust me!" eren assured, holding her hand and gave it a small squeeze. feeling reassured by his words and frail touch, the girl opened her eyes and gasped.

"holy fuck! we're so up high!" y/n said, although it was obvious. the ride was scary yet beautiful, it would stop at the top from time to time to give the riders time to appreciate the scenery.

from up top, you could the decorated park and the people on the bottom sprawled everywhere like a bunch of little dolls. the night sky was a bit cloudy as she could see a bunch of lanterns being prepared for later on.

"last one, y/n. let's do it together again!" eren shouted with a small smile as he intertwined his fingers with hers once again, before they both let out a shriek while the ride went down the last slope and loop.

"that was awesome!" y/n exclaimed like a little kid as they both got off the ride, the girl stumbling a bit as eren was quick enough to catch her back.

"mhm, we could ride it once more before we leave." eren casually said as the girl nodded her head eagerly.

"let's have some ice cream." y/n suggested and eren nonchalantly nodded his head before he was being pulled away by the girl to the stall.

they both got a cone and began to eat the cold sweet dessert. they both looked at each other with wide eyes from how good the soft dairy treat tasted.

"this is good." eren complimented as he began to devour the cone, basically. y/n chuckled at how messy he was being, the sides of his lips covered with the vanilla ice cream.

"wait, you got a little something here." she said as she took her thumb and swiped it across his lips, making eren freeze at the sudden contact. he was flustered at how soft her thumb pads felt against his lips.

"thanks." he breathed out before they both continued to eat their ice cream.

as they both continued to walk in between many people, y/n couldn't help but wonder if life has always been like this.

the people here seemed like they were on some kind of laughing or happy gas, not an inch of sadness or misery being expressed in their facial expression. for once in her life, she genuinely felt happy.

and it was all because of eren, her one and only.

he was her special person, the only person in her life. his contagious smile was the only thing that could make her stomach do somersaults and make her heart skip so many beats at a single time.

she loved him and it was undeniable.

"these are pretty." eren pointed at the stall that was selling rings. they were beautifully decorated with stones of all colors and the bands were engraved with roses.

"what a lovely couple you both are. would you like to buy a pair of our special rings?" the lady asked and eren contemplated for a while.

"which one do you think looks better, y/n?" eren indecisively asked for an opinion while shifting his gaze towards the girl.

"that one." she pointed at the rings that didn't have a colored stone on top of it and instead were just the bands that were encrusted with the roses.

"i think so too. we'll have that please." eren politely said as the lady began to box up the rings while he handed her the money.

the both of them made their way to their usual spot, which is underneath their cherry blossom tree. there wasn't anyone there as most people were busy taking pictures of themselves near the other trees or by the riverside.

both eren and y/n sat down on the grass, the girl resting her head on his shoulder as a smile of content was plastered on her face.

"what's up with that sudden pretty smile?" eren asked with a cocked eyebrow, making y/n giggle.

"oh, nothing. it's just, i haven't felt like this in ages." she replied, making eren snake his arms around her waist to pull her in closer.

"well, i'm glad that you're enjoying yourself." he commented before pressing a kiss on the top of her head. eren was about to grab her hand to hold it, but he didn't notice that she was leaning forwards and accidentally grabbed her wrist instead.

unexpectedly, y/n let out a loud yelp as eren looked at her with horror. y/n quickly shut herself up, sucking in the tears that threatened to spill before nervously glancing at the petrified boy, who didn't know what he did wrong.

"i'm so sorry y/n, oh my god." eren quickly apologized, making her shake his head to calm his panic down.

"no, no, no, you did nothing wrong." y/n quickly assured, but that wasn't enough to convince eren. the boy saw her sleeves being raised, noticing the thin lines on her flesh. he softly took a hold of her arm as the girl looked at him with wide eyes.

"eren-"

he pulled up her sleeves, gasping as he slapped his hand over his mouth to prevent himself from uttering another word. her wrists were full of slits, they were old scars which were done when she used to live with her parents.

y/n nervously chewed on her bottom lip, palms becoming sweaty as she continued to watch eren examine her arm without a single word.

"i'm sorry, i know they're ugly." she said, slowly now becoming insecure of the marks as she attempted to slip her hand away to once again cover them. but, eren pulled her arm back before holding it up to his face.

"who said that?" eren whispered under his breath before pressing a soft kiss on the cut flesh, making the girl slightly wince in pain but it was bearable.

"y/n, each one of these scars, tells me that you survived every battle. you wanna know how? it's because right now, you're sitting right next to me, happy and breathing." he once again spoke before planting another tender kiss on her scars, peppering each one of them with the gentle kisses lightly.

y/n could feel her eyes become watery as it was becoming overwhelming. never in her life has she been handled this delicately, like a fragile piece of glass. but eren, he treated her like nobody ever did before.

his love for her was nothing but pure and genuine.

"eren?" she called out his name, a word that she would never get tired of saying.

"yes my little angel?" he answered, looking at her with anticipating eyes.

"i love you." y/n blurted out the three words from the bottom of her heart, looking into his eyes with nothing but a lovesick expression.

"i love you too." eren replied before leaning his face closer to hers until there was no space left between the both of them. y/n closed her eyes, feeling both of their noses brush against each other as their breaths mingled.

in mere seconds, their lips connected as they began to move on their own. eren's hands were at the sides of her face while her hands were entangled with the soft brown locks.

it truly felt like heaven on earth.

their souls intertwined together, becoming one, as the feverish kiss left them almost breathless as they both kissed each other as if it was their last.

eren tilted his head, trying to get a better angle as her lips were slightly gape, taking this as an opportunity to slide his tongue in. y/n felt eren stealing all the oxygen in her lungs from the kiss, pulling the boy closer to her even though it wasn't physically possible. she grabbed onto his shirt, body trembling with the overwhelming feeling of the sparks set inside her heart. his hands moved down to rub her back as y/n suddenly smiled, making eren smile against her lips as well.

they were made for each other.

---

eren took out the box that contained the two rings, gently grabbing her ring finger before sliding it on. y/n found it cheesy, the whole promise ring concept, but she couldn't deny the fact that it made her feel special.

he always managed to make her feel special no matter what.

she took the other ring and grabbed eren's hand, sliding the rose encrusted band on his ring finger as he grinned like an idiot.

"this is a token of my undying love for you." he vowed before locking his fingers together with hers, bringing it up to his face to kiss both of the cold metals.

"what did i ever do to deserve such a precious person?" y/n thought out loud, making eren let out a faint chuckle before he tucked the loose strands of hair behind her ear.

"we'll heal together, my love." eren promised before kissing the bridge of her nose, sending her sanity over the edge as y/n felt like she was on cloud nine.

"okay, let's do that." she agreed with a nod, reciprocating the same action as she kissed the bridge of his nose.

it was almost as if all their troubles and worries melted into puddles of nothing. they were living in a fairytale, a world where only they existed.

she was his princess and he was her prince charming, saving her from the world's harsh ways.

y/n got up, picking some flowers from the cherry blossom tree while the boy innocently watched her with doey eyes. she came behind him and planted the small flowers into his bun.

"pretty flowers for a pretty boy." y/n said with a wide grin, making eren become bashful from the sweet gesture. so, in return, he did the same.

eren picked some flowers, just as she did and placed them in his lap as he sat behind her. y/n's hair was out, making it much more accessible for eren to braid her hair. after he was done braiding her hair, he placed each cherry blossom flower in the slits of the braid.

"pretty flowers for my pretty princess." eren commented as he looked at his work proudly, making the girl gasp with amazement.

"jeez, i never knew you were this good with hair! you made me look like an actual princess." y/n compared and complimented the boy.

"i used to braid my mom's hair a lot, so i kinda know the ways." he said with a small wink, making the girl laugh.

"attention ladies and gentlemen! the sky lantern show will be starting soon, it's a sight you wouldn't wanna miss!" a loud voice roared through the whole area as a short man spoke through the megaphone.

"my lady?" eren dramatically asked as he nudged his arm to link with hers.

"why of course, my good sir." she played along, making them both laugh at their childish behavior.

the both of them didn't want the night to end. it was as if they were reborn tonight and were given a second chance to relive everything all over again, with each other. every mistake, every regret and every ounce of loneliness that they every felt were gone, as if it never even happened.

both eren and y/n walked to the riverside, watching it slowly becoming crowded with people.

"get your lanterns here! get your lanterns!" they heard a person repeat over and over again, peering at the stall a couple of steps ahead. they both shrugged at each other and headed in that direction as the old man gave them a small smile.

"my, my, it truly is summer, huh? the youth have found love and it is blossoming just like the rest of the spring flowers." he commented with a hearty chuckle before handing eren a lantern, explaining the instructions to him.

"oh, and here is a marker, my dear. you could write a small message before you release your lantern." the old man told y/n as the girl took his offer and thanked him.

were people always this nice?

y/n thought to herself as she began to walk by eren's side, the both of them getting closer by the river. they sat down on the cemented edge, feet dangling off.

"what should we write?" y/n thought out loud, asking eren for any ideas, but the boy was also thinking.

"i think i have it!" the girl suddenly outbursted, eren handing her the paper lantern to let her write.

no matter how far apart we are, in every new life that we enter, we will find each other once again.

- eren and y/n, forever

"sounds great!" eren exclaimed as he began to start the fire that would blow the lantern all the way up in the sky. thousands of them were already decorating the sky, lighting up the whole area.

"you ready?" he asked the girl while holding on to the lantern securely so that it doesn't go flying up in the air beforehand.

"mhm." she hummed in response as she placed her hands on top of his.

"then let's release it on the count of three." eren suggested.

"1... 2... 3...!"

both of them let the paper lantern go as it began to float up, innocent and curious eyes trailing behind the lantern as they watched it like a bunch of little kids. they continued to watch the very many colored lanterns being released, ranging from all different shapes and sizes.

"eren! eren! look, our lantern is still flying up!" y/n pointed out as she bounced a bit, pointing at the lantern that flew the highest from the rest.

"must be a sign that our message will come true." eren said before kissing her neck, tickling her flesh as the girl let out a small giggle.

"of course, after all, you and i share the same soul. we're meant to be." she said with glimmering eyes before leaning in to kiss eren once again.

and as if on cue, they could hear fireworks being set off somewhere far in the distance.

tonight truly felt magical.

---

it was the next morning, late noon to be exact. both eren and y/n were still fast asleep as they got home pretty late last night. love struck and unable to let go of each other, they both ended up sharing the bed, tucked away in each other's warmth.

so, here they both were, sleeping in each other's arms. y/n's head rested on eren's chest while his arms were laced around her waist protectively, afraid that she'd run away from him. their legs were entangled together, while y/n's other arm draped over his torso.

soft snores of their peaceful slumber could be heard as the house was silent.

but, who knew that it would only take a matter of seconds to change everything? fate, something so powerful yet so destructive at the same time.

the ringing of eren's phone woke him up, as the still dazed boy let out a groan of annoyance. he carefully turned over to his side, not wanting to wake up the sleeping girl in his arms.

it was an unknown number.

not thinking much of it, eren accepted the call and placed it on his ear before clearing his throat.

"hello?" eren quietly asked in a groggy voice.

"is this the son of grisha jaeger?" the feminine voice questioned from the other line, making eren's mind become more alert.

"yes, this is him." he seriously answered, only to hear a brief pause from the other side. eren could feel his nerves driving him off the edge, his heart pumping faster from how anxious he felt. he wasn't too religious, but that didn't stop him from praying to whatever god that was up there that the lady wasn't about to tell him what he thinks she's about to tell him.

please, please, just not right now. i can't do this, i was having so much fun last night. why? why now?!

"this is the hospital that your father has been admitted to. we would like to send our condolences to you, your father has passed away this morning around eight-thirty. again, we are very sorry, but we tried everything that we could." her words felt like they were getting farther away, his mind becoming blank.

"hello? hello? mr. jaeger? hel-"

eren pressed the red button on the bottom, his breathing becoming irregular as he tried his best to calm down, looking at the sleeping angelic figure next to him.

y/n, if i told you about all the thoughts running in my head right now, would you be able to catch each one of them and make them disappear?

he wondered, caressing her soft skin while she quietly snored on his chest in complete oblivion. the boy could feel a rush of tears threatening to spill as he tried to discreetly let y/n off of him. being successful, he was able to slip out of the covers.

eren left his room, sitting in the sofa as he let out a sob, unable to contain his tears anymore as he cried in the palm of his hands.

what kind of son was he? his parents gave him the blessing of living a life as freely as he wanted, he found his other half and lived his best moments.

the least he could've done was gather some money and help his dying father. but, he couldn't even do that. now, what could guarantee him that he would be able to take care of y/n for the rest of his life?

how would he be able to provide for her when he can't even assure himself that he'll be able to pay for next month's rent? his life savings were practically all dumped to the hospital as he begged them to have mercy on him and help his father.

but who cared? the world revolved around money and whether you were family or a stranger, no one had the time to be charitable.

eren took the hem of his shirt and wiped away his tears, sniffling as he dragged himself up to go back to his room. his eyes once again gazing over to the sleeping figure.

a smile tugged on the corner of his lips as he inched closer to the bed, bending down to her eye level as he took note of her features once again. he could never get tired of looking at her, she was an angel to say the least.

the way her bangs would occasionally fall on her eyes, soft pale cheeks that would turn into a rosy shade whenever he managed to fluster her, plump lips that eren would always ponder about kissing as he would kiss her over and over again as many times as she would want him to and her beautiful eyes. her hazel brown eyes that would become a shade lighter in the sun, looking up at him with the purest look ever.

she was his little angel.

eren could feel a second wave of tears threatening to spill from his eyes, but he sucked them back in, not wanting the wet drops to fall and awaken her. he leaned over, pressing a delicate kiss on her forehead before giving her a sad smile.

i'll see you later my love.

the words in his head already sounded painful enough, as eren never thought about the day where he would have to tell such a tragic goodbye to his one and only. but deep down, he knew that he wasn't for her.

she deserved someone better, someone whom she could strongly lean on without any fear. and to his dismay, he was a coward.

he walked towards his dressing table and took a hold of the music box, smiling at the small gift which he held dear to his heart. with clammy and shaky hands, he opened his drawer as he gulped harshly.

i'm so sorry, y/n.

---

y/n woke up, a smile on her face as she stretched out her limbs. life felt good, she's finally found the purpose to keep moving forwards. she was happy to embark her new journey with eren, the love of her life.

speaking of eren, where was he?

the girl opened her eyes, looking over to the side only to be left disappointed as the brunet was nowhere to be seen.

maybe he was in the living room.

she assured herself, sliding out of the covers as her feet shuffled against the wooden floor, creaking a bit. y/n noticed that the music box that she gave him wasn't on the dressing table as she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.

the hell was going on?

she wondered as she began to search all the rooms in hopes of bumping into the beautiful boy.

"eren?" y/n called out, but a response wasn't heard as the silence of the house was almost too loud for her ears. the atmosphere began to thicken, her heart racing in panic as she couldn't find eren anywhere.

she sat on the sofa, trying to think of some solution on where he might be. the first place that she could think of was the park as maybe he went there for a stroll, but the park was closed today since the summer festival took place last night.

it's worth a shot.

she thought to herself as she opened the main door, locking it behind as she began to walk to the park. it wasn't a long distance, pretty nearby, if she'd say so herself. the neighborhood was pretty quiet around here as people were still at home right now.

y/n silently prayed to find the boy under the cherry blossom tree, sitting down while leaning against it as he listened to his music.

she finally reached the park, jumping over the gated entrance as she began to walk in. she really hoped to find eren here as she committed something kind of illegal just now.

as she walked up the hill, she noticed a figure in the distance as she squinted her eyes to get a better look.

"eren?" she called out to him once again and the head turned towards her direction this time, looking over to her face. as y/n got closer, she was able to make out the familiar features of the gorgeous boy.

"y/n? you came." eren whispered to himself, wishing that she never came out to look for him.

"the hell are you doing here? i was so worried that you left without a word!" y/n scolded the boy as she continued to walk forwards, only to stop in her tracks in horror.

there she noticed eren's teary face as his nose was red, beautiful tealish green eyes glossing with salty tears as his right hand held a gun.

"eren? what's wrong with you, why do you have that?" she stammered in panic as she pointed a shaky finger to the hand holding the gun, feeling the rush of bile as the sight was already terrifying enough to make her vomit.

"y/n, i need you to go back home. please." eren begged, but this time it was y/n's turn to spill her tears as her hands came up to her hair to grip it in frustration.

"answer my damn question, eren!" she screamed as she walked closer to him, her feet halting as she could hear the tune of the music box playing. it was laying open on the ground near his feet.

"i don't wanna die, y/n. i'm so scared, so scared to let go. but, i can't do this anymore. i've lost everyone in my life, i let them slip away from my fingers and i'm afraid to watch you slip away from me too. you don't deserve to live with someone like me, you deserve better, my little angel." he cried out, pointing the gun to his temple as he watched the love of his life crumble in front of him.

"please! please don't do this to me, eren. i can't let you go, you promised me that we'd heal together, remember?" y/n sobbed, watching her one and only ready to let go of his life in mere seconds with the pull of a trigger.

"i can't be healed, y/n. i can't heal what's already been broken too many times. which is why i need you to let me go." eren said with a sad smile while his tears rolled down his cheeks, his finger so close to pulling the trigger but he stopped as soon as she heard his words.

one last request.

"let me feel you for one last time. please, eren." she pleaded, looking at him with red tear filled eyes as she choked back on her words. he let out a heavy sigh and nodded, still not moving the gun away from the side of his head.

y/n took heavy steps towards him, feeling like she could pass out any moment. all she wanted to do was run up to him and smack the deadly weapon out of his hands, but she was afraid. she was scared that any sudden movement of hers may lead to eren impulsively pulling the trigger, which is why she was trying to remain as calm and gentle as she possibly could.

now she stood in front of him, the special person in her life, no-

the only person in her life.

"eren, please listen to me." y/n breathed out, carefully letting a hand caress the side of his face before cupping his wet cheek. the boy violently trembled under her touch, shaking his head.

"please, don't do this to me right now, y/n. i have to do this." eren tried to sternly say, but his voice broke towards the end, his heart tugging and breaking into pieces as he watched the girl beg him to stop.

"no you don't! we're soulmates, aren't we? you're my other half and i'm your other half, we're one. we're meant to be, eren. let's just go home and live eren, live like last night until we can't anymore. please eren, let's just go home!" y/n weeped, clutching onto his shirt as she could feel her vision becoming blurry within each second.

her hand moved to the gun, body shivering from touching the cold metal as her fingers met with his index finger, the same finger that was on the trigger.

"my little angel, why are you crying? we'll meet again, over and over again so often that you'll get tired of seeing me. have you forgotten what we wrote on our lantern? no matter which life i enter next, we'll bump into each other and fall in love all over again. this isn't goodbye." eren softly spoke, his free hand delicately grabbing her hand that was on the trigger, bringing it to his wet cheek once again before he turned his face to place a kiss on the ring he gave her last night.

"eren, please! i beg you, please don't do this to me! i love you, i love you so much that it hurts. i'd do anything for you. anything!" the girl desperately begged once more but eren was strong on his feet, his decision was final.

"i'm so sorry, my love. i love you so much, so much that i'd give you the moon and all the stars. we'll meet again my love, in another life and in another dream. i'll be waiting for you, y/n." he whispered to her before planting a loving kiss on her trembling lips, making her eyes go wide as she watched him give her one last smile as he knew how much she loved his smile.

"eren, no!" y/n cried out as she tried to hastily grab the gun out of his hand, but it was too late. the shots were fired, a sound so loud that it was piercing through the quiet atmosphere.

his eyes rolled back as she heard him choke on air while the bullet went through his head, falling forwards as she quickly caught his heavy figure, not wanting him to hit the cold hard ground. eren's head was buried in her neck as y/n felt like her knees would collapse any moment now.

"e-eren...?" y/n stuttered out as her blood ran cold, already knowing that he was long gone but she refused to accept it.

how could he leave her in this world all alone? this was supposed to be their world, a world created only for the two of them to live in.

but now, y/n was all alone again.

she felt her t-shirt becoming drenched with the crimson red liquid as eren's blood profusely poured out of the side of his head. the mourning girl clutched onto her dead lover tightly, sobbing as she tried to take in his scent one last time.

unable to hold her strength any longer, y/n fell to her knees as she dragged the lifeless body along with her, laying eren on the soft grass under the cherry blossom tree. the grass and fallen cherry blossom flowers beneath them now becoming stained with his blood.

the music box continued to play the tune of his favorite song, as y/n cried in the palm of her hands.

"why eren? why did you leave me all alone after so much has happened between us? come back! please, come back and smile at me once more. tell me that all of this is just a bad dream, i need you to wake me up. i need you to be here with me, eren! i need you, do you hear me?!" y/n frantically yelled at the cold lifeless body on the ground, shaking it back and forth as she begged and demanded the dead boy to come back to life.

the world could be so beautiful yet so cruel. this was the harsh reality as the most messed up thing that the universe could do, is make two people who are destined for each other meet at the wrong time.

but y/n has had enough of the world playing such cards on her, she was tired of being abandoned and waiting for better times. and when she finally had everything in her life settled, she lost everything in a matter of seconds.

"i won't make you wait too long for me, eren. i'm ready to meet you again." the girl whispered as she stroked his pale face before a pair of shaky hands scrambling on the grass around eren's head to grasp the gun.

her hands trembled as she placed the cold metal against her chest, taking deep shallow breaths as her breathing was becoming erratic. she looked down to see eren, his face seemed so peaceful, almost as if he was sleeping.

"let's meet again, eren. in another life and in another dream." and with the being said, y/n gulped harshly before pulling the trigger, a sharp pain piercing through her chest. she clutched on the area, tears streaming down her face as she tried to smile at the lifeless body below her.

y/n collapsed on top of eren, his shirt now becoming stained with her blood as she coughed up blood, spitting it out to the side. with the remaining strength in her body, she lifted herself up, bellowing in agonizing pain as she struggled to breathe.

drops of her salty tears began to fall on his porcelain face as she leaned down, pressing one last loving kiss on his cold lips before placing her head on his chest. she tried to listen for a heartbeat but there wasn't any.

instead, her ears were filled with the sweet melody playing in the background. eren's favorite song, the song that the both of them would listen to during many nights together.

je te laisserai des mots.

"sleep well, my love." she whispered, feeling her chest tighten as her air supply continued to run low as she grimaced in pain.

y/n continued to listen to the melody, feeling her breathing slow down as her vision was blurring out, her body feeling like it was coming up with a harsh fever while it trembled.

i'm coming to you, eren.

she thought one last time before her eyes fluttered closed, all movements coming to a stop. the both of them laid lifelessly under the cherry blossom tree while the soft pink petal continued to fall on top of them, as their crimson red blood stained the petals beneath.

this is where everything started and where everything came to an end.

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