#personally my opinion is that it's better to identify with a complicated identity than to claim something you aren't or assimilate into

[knxfesck]

[roxykisser]

classpect titles: identity vs. the narrative

right. here’s something i’ve been meaning to talk about for a while. the assignment of classpect titles.

before i start, i want to make something clear: i’m not here to tell anyone how to identify. i am of the opinion that everyone knows themselves best. i’m not here to tell anyone how to classpect: this is a wacky business filled to the brim with speculation. this is merely an account of my views and opinions.

the classpecting community at large, here on tumblr at least, is very concerned with one’s personality when assigning classpect titles. this approach also necessitates a focus on both class and aspect in tandem; making sense as one full concept, a one and done thing, rather than two components of a title. a title, not a name.

a prince of heart is one who destroys heart. therefore the prince must destroy heart. he cannot engage in destructive behaviour, fall into that class’ archetypal pitfalls and climb its archetypal highs, and also have an arc concerned with identity, see the world in those terms at the same time. he must always be a [destroyer of heart].

it all ends up rather stereotypical; a prince destroys, therefore the prince is bad. a knight protects, therefore the knight is good.

i find it more constructive to look at classes as archetypes, because at their origin, this is what they are. patterns of behaviour one repeats again and again, falls back on when they are at their wits’ end. this is where the narrative view of classpects comes in.

class represents the hero’s internal processes. their values. a sort of concise list of their greatest faults and greatest strengths, like horoscopes in the newspaper. made to be generic. made for the hero to grow with and past them. it makes sense then why most prefer to classpect based on personality: it is easier to look at yourself as a list of traits than it is to look at yourself as a history, a narrative path you’ve walked. actually, that brings me to a good metaphor: your class is your shoes. the trail you walk. your aspect is the scenery.

classpecting from a narrative angle requires a shift in perspective, and acknowledging one stark difference between the hero title of myself and say, the hero title of jake english. we are both hope players, yet one of us is a person. the other is a character. the title system in homestuck is made around characters. the game is deliberately set up to help its players grow, and in doing that sets them on a path loosely defined by their title. people are a bit more complicated.

seeing yourself as a character isn’t easy. it’s almost impossible. characterhood is objective; personhood is not. in a story, we see its characters’ entire arcs in one line, we can clearly identify the inflection points in their stories and which themes repeat again and again. but as people our lives are ongoing; we are not afforded the same omnipotence, the ability to see time all at once.

class is incredibly hard to determine because of this. aspect is a bit easier. it is the themes that repeat again and again in our lives, a backdrop for all else to happen. it is a lens through which we see and understand the world. a light player might see their world as a story. a heart player might see the world as a tangle of identities rubbing up against and affecting each other. the possibilities are as endless as paradox space, which is to say not at all or quite a lot, depending on how you look at things. and how big you are in the scheme of them.

of course some measure of both narrative and personality classpecting must be employed for the most accurate outcome to be produced. one cannot look at the forest’s reflection in the lake and claim to know the beasts within. one cannot build a house with only bricks. but a healthy harmony should be strived towards in order for the result to be most accurate.

if you would like to read some posts from people who know these things better than me, i recommend @classpect-navelgazing, particularly their masterpost, and @urcharactersclasspect, whose opinions i found very particularly eye-opening.

[drinkyourvillainjuice]

you should take your estrogen with your food (or the gender politics of the video game industry at large)

[id: four identical bottles of Estrogen Bio-Identical Cream, 200 mg infused with Ginseng, Green Team, Black Cohosh and Red Clover /end id]

Hello, this is the secretary with another essay.

Anyways, so this entire essay is written from the perspective of a passing trans woman. People within the 'real' world aren't aware I'm a trans woman in a material manner (doctor asks me when the last time I had my periods, etc) so I am not speaking from the lens of a visibly trans person within that aspect. Do gotta say I love my bricks and my clocky girls though. We need bricks to build homes and clocky girls to tell the time, yes ma'am.

When you work within the field video games either as trans or cis woman (or whichever you pass at), you are always seen as lesser than your cis male counterpart. It's a rather straight forward experience that your opinions will never be seen with as much value, or your skills will never be seen with the same strength. But where does that lay within the Interaction Fiction community, and especially the indie scene?

The xife and I haven't been part of it for long enough for me to really pinpoint it, but here are some observations and questions I can make:

Majority of the writers are women.

At least on Tumblr, that's what I've noticed. It's hard to know on forums what are their gender identities and what they self-identify as, but on Tumblr and from the games I've played (and most importantly: want to play) I've noticed they are all mostly women. è

2. The most successful writer are men.

Not that surprising. Again with 1. it's hard to pinpoint with gender identity on forums, but if you go on COG, you'll see the vast majority of people who post there are guys (I did polls!) and the majority of writers who are successful to any degree are guys. But... the writers I see are principally women... so what does that mean?

3. Is this a case of that pay disparity?

I mean, maybe? Again, wage gap is a very complicated (and controversial!) concept, especially within the art field. There's this conception that the better the art, the more lucrative it is, but that's absolutely false. Human biases ignore how 'good' someone art piece is. I mean, I've seen comments on various platforms about how people talk about women-led projects vs men-led projects, and none of it has to do with the strength of the writing. A lot of it is like 'women make this type of games because they wish they could fuck this type of men' vs 'oh this is a wuxia game yay' when its kinda the same game, just the latter one is made by a guy. The attitudes toward men-led project will always favor them vs women-led project

4. Have we faced any of it?

Sorta kinda. Not gonna go into details :)

5. What can you do at home with that information?

Probably examine your own biases when interacting with any sort of art. I mean, the name of our game is Drink Your Villain Juice which a lot of people assume it to be some sort of joke title, and you're still reading it knowing it's not a jokey IF, so you did examine your bias (consciously or not) so you're already half the way there!

[alien-ln-disguise]

Help an alien out with their otherkin identity

I consider myself Alienkin and somewhat spacekin because of my Alienkin identity but they’re being put on the probing table and here’s why

(Spacekin has been sorted out, see below)

———

I recently learned of the terms Synpath and Otherhearted

Some people use it interchangeably some don’t. I personally interpret them as separate:

Synpath: Used to describe feeling a profound connection WITH something, but not AS it.

Otherhearted: To identifying strongly WITH something, but not AS it.

For the spacekin part of me I think Space Synpath is more like it. I do not identify AS space itself but I’m connected with space so strongly that it’s definitely more than just “I love it” I had a whole post about it, yall have probably seen it lol.

———

Now that I know that I’m actually a Space Synpath, now onto my Alienkin type.

This one is still actually a little more complicated to me. To kin something is to identify AS something while Otherhearted is to strongly identify WITH something but not AS it while identifying as fully human.

Here’s the thing, I’ve never felt human, I do not connect with humans I’ve never felt like I was part of them just living amongst them. So I thought, okay alienkin because I connect with aliens in a way that feels right, it feels like me, I feel like an alien. I am not human but I feel like an alien.

But that’s where the distinction becomes important: Am I alienkin because I don’t identify as a human and am an alien or am I alienkin because my life experiences living among humans made me feel alien?

Could it be both? That’s a possibility. I do not experience any shifts or phantom limbs, I just feel like I am alien. Perhaps I answered my own question with that sentence alone. I’m not very active in the otherkin/alterhuman community, at most I’ll like and reblog posts I relate to but that’s kinda it? I suppose posting counts, but I don’t actually talk to anyone in the community.

I like having my facts sorted out and I like figuring things out via technicalities sometimes as it helps me understand things better. I’m not strict on this at all, again, I use it to help me understand things. This entire post is basically me trying to reach to the community that is more knowledgeable on the subject of otherkin and alterhuman experiences and their differences.

Here are bullet points in case it’s easier to follow:

I know I am not human in some way non-physically

Ever since I was young I never felt like I was human both from experiences in life and simply inside

I have a strong connection with aliens and space as a whole. I know that my connection with aliens comes from my extreme connection with space but I am aware that me being alienkin is also coincidental

I do not experience shifts, or phantom limbs, or dreams of past lives. I am aware that none of these are requirements for being otherkin but I wanted to add this anyways

I know that it may be up to me to see which one fits me best when it comes to terminology. I know that folks in the community experience different journeys and may have different definitions for different things.

So, in your opinion, my fellow otherkins and alterhumans, would you say I am Alienkin or Alienhearted?

[hiiragi7]

Hello! We saw your post about wanting to find non anti-endo spaces and misinformation on CDDs and wanted to just ask, what changed your opinion on endos? We ourselves are anti-endo but not aggressively or with malice (we dont even post things or interact with the community really, just lurk, so its not like were ANTI-endo ya know? Just that we dont believe or support them) we just want to understand because we ourselves havnt found any compelling evidence or experience that would point to the existence of DID(plurality) without trauma. This isnt to say we wish to challenge your own belief's at all!! Rather we honestly would like to know your thoughts because we see a decent amount of systems say things like "I use to be anti-endo until I was informed" and so if thats the case I would rather be informed! The only compelling argument ive found at this point is people connecting it to spirituality and while I find that a bit offensive as an ashiest who sees that a bit more like appropriation for the sake of religious belief's I understand its a bit of a gray area for most. Very sorry if this came off at all offensively or if this ask is upsetting or unwarranted in anyway please feel free to disregard if so! Its not our intention to cause issue or upset asking this, thank you for your time.

Hi there,

I've never been anti-endo, so I wouldn't say I really changed my mind regarding endos as much as I would say my understanding of endogenic plurals, traumagenic systems, and CDDs has deepened and shifted over time. When I first began learning more about plurality and DID, I didn't know much about endogenic plurals or how they worked nor how they related to DID, but I decided I would trust people on how they perceive their identity regardless of if I understood it perfectly or not and try to learn more.

Regarding your ask, I feel it is important to distinguish the concept of plurality from that of DID. Plurality is very broad; It simply refers to being more than one, which can take a massive variety of different forms because it relates to how people view the self and identity, which is subjective. It may be altered by spiritual, cultural, or individual beliefs, and in many contexts (especially regarding endogenic plurals) it is better understood through the lens of how both sociocultural and individual beliefs regarding the self interact and develop rather than through the lens of pathology.

The plurality seen in endogenic plurality is not the same per se as what many refer to as plurality in DID, or what I personally prefer to refer to as multiplicity in these discussions for clarifying sake so as to not use the same word with a differing definition.

In DID, the multiplicity has been theorized to reflect a divided personality system, or dissociated parts, which is not the same as the plurality described by endogenic plurals. In practice, however, the lines may appear very blurred, as clinical understanding and pathology also interacts with individual beliefs regarding the self and the state of their multiplicity; as an example, many people with DID strongly reject the framework of parts, and prefer to refer to their system's members as people they share a body with, often because they hold individual beliefs regarding what defines personhood that affects the language which they use to describe their system. As endogenic plurals also often describe their headmates as people they share a body with, the difference may not be immediately clear.

To further complicate matters, individual beliefs regarding the self, one's life, and one's identity may also alter the view of how a person believes their system to have formed even if they are DID. I've met many systems who are DID but who also identify as endogenic for a variety of reasons related to how they make sense of their life and memories as well as their sense of self and identity. To give a more specific example, I've known several DID systems who say they were born plural for a variety of reasons (some psychological, some spiritual) but who additionally experienced childhood trauma which they view as the origin of their DID seperate from the origin of their plurality.

It is my opinion that these differences in beliefs and labels are not inherently harmful nor misinformed because they are based in subjectivity, and they may even be beneficial for many people as it gives them a framework to make sense of themselves in that is unique to their individual experiences.

Regarding evidence and endogenic plurality, I also believe that fixating so much on clinical evidence or proof through studies is to misunderstand fundamentally that plurality and multiplicity both relate to an understanding of self that is not objective and as such cannot be easily measured through objective means. The self is not something that is easily understood solely through the context of clinical study; rather, by only examining the self through this lens, you limit your understanding of the self. Rather than a fixation on an evidence which is not easily obtained nor measured, I instead encourage a frameworks-based understanding of plurality, which is already done for multiplicity (the Theory of Structural Dissociation is a framework).

To summarize, DID is a trauma-based disorder, however the multiplicity described in DID is not necessarily the same as the plurality described by endogenic plurals. As well, while a clinical understanding of DID is incredibly important, it is also meaningful to consider how sociocultural and individual beliefs interact with this understanding and how they may alter the way people identify, especially regarding the aspect of multiplicity and self. Lastly, a frameworks-based approach to endogenic plurality such as plurality through the lens of individual beliefs regarding the self may be more useful to understanding endogenic plurality than a focus on clinical evidence is.

[hindahoney]

what are your personal thoughts on claiming Jewish identity? I know you do not speak for all Jewish people but I am curious on your personal take. I just discovered I am matrilineally Jewish but I was raised in a (casually) christian upbringing. I am interested in studying Judaism more deeply as well. but would it be improper to say that I am Jewish?

Who constitutes as a Jew is incredibly complicated, and a rabbi would be much better equipped at answering your question than I am. If your mother's Jewish identity is in question, you should bring your knowledge and evidence to a rabbi, preferably one that is in a movement you could see yourself being involved in. I recently learned that the reform movement denies matrilineal descent in certain cases (if your great grandmother on your mother's side was Jewish but either she or her daughter converted "out" of Judaism, leading to your mother not being raised Jewish). So, the question of whether you're Jewish or not is up in the air and more information is needed.

All that being said, if you still identify as Christian, this could cause a lot of tension should you start claiming a Jewish identity within Jewish spaces. That has nothing to do with whether you are halachically Jewish, but just a warning.

As for my own personal opinions about who constitutes as a Jew, it isn't my place to say them (unless it is regarding messianics). Only HaShem has the true answers for who is a Jew and who isn't, and I trust He will decide.

[sleepingfancies]

👕5 🌤3, 4 🤝7, 12, 17 💓6 for raphael??????? mayhaps????

HEH >=3 you've activated my trap card (talking abt my ocs for too long)

👕5. What are your characters opinions on scars?

A stupidly nuanced answer for a straightforward question, but that's just how Raphael is. For the most part, scars are flaws to him; signs of carelessness or recklessness. Scars from things like cat scratches, tripping on uneven ground and skinning a knee, blisters from repetitive motion - things a person can "control," he scoffs at. To Raphael, they should have either known their limits or simply been better at what they were doing. Purely accidental or surgical scars he's far more understanding about, and is even curious about them. He likes hearing the stories behind their existence, because it gives him greater understanding of the person. Scars on himself, though? He can't stand them. Even surgical scars he would hate vehemently. Permanent signs of his own mediocrity, in his perspective. They'd drive him insane. He'd do anything to cover them up or get rid of them. He'd be embarrassed by them, he would want no one to see them. Raphael would probably avoid something like surgery for as long as possible if he knew it would give him a scar.

🌤️3. What season would your character say they're most similar to?

Summer babyyyyy. The heat, the blazing sunlight, the rapid weather changes, the inevitability of it all. Summer is a strong hand grabbing you by the shoulder and saying "don't ignore me," and that's exactly who Raphael is. Summer storms are intense albeit short-lived, much like his own temper flares. Summer days are bright and warm, summer nights are gentle and lively. He identifies with all of these things! Frankly, he does know himself well enough to know he is as unpredictable and attention-demanding (and hot, in his not-so-humble opinion) as summer, anyway.

🌤️4. Is there a natural phenomenon that scares your character?

Raphael is not at all keen on tornadoes. Teothe is a relatively flat and low-lying country, with the coast to the east, the Nattenheim mountain border to the west, and the massive expanse of the Arboretum to the south. Because of its topogrophy, Teothe is extremely susceptible to tornado formation during summer thunderstorms. The idea that wind alone could destroy his home, kill his family, and overall destroy his life really scares Raphael quite a lot. Living away from home, when tornadoes do occur, he is in a constant state of worry and fear until he knows his siblings are alright (which, given how far away he is, could take weeks).

🤝7. Who is your character most honest with?

Again, a weirdly nuanced answer, because tbh Raphael has different definitions of "honest" when it comes to himself. Truthfully Raphael really only has three close friends, Mirabelle, Alizee, and Conall. Mirabelle is a coworker of his, and one of the few people who's seen Raphael at some serious low points. Mirabelle is the most acquainted with his worst impulses and behaviors. She knows how destructive he can get, and he's most honest with her about those tendencies. Alizee is Raphael's immediate younger sibling, and she knows how complicated his relationship can get with their family. She knows that he's different when he's at home, and she knows why things are tense between him and their mother. Raphael's most honest with her about the pressure of being an eldest sibling and what his childhood was like before her. Conall is (initially) a complete stranger, who has no clue who "Rikke the Savior"/"Rikke the Traitor" is, who barely speaks Teothean, and is mostly just deeply distressed that Teothean trees and spiders can't speak. Conall has no context for half the things that make Raphael want to gnaw on plastic. It takes a little time (but faster than Raphael would've expected), but Raphael becomes honest about a lot of his identity struggles with Conall. Although Conall doesn't know who Rikke is, he can relate to Raphael's general problem, since his own mother is quite the meance back in the Arboretum. So Mirabelle, Alizee, and Conall are all recipients of Raphael's honesty in their own unique ways. There is no one person whom Raphael trusts with being honest about every aspect of himself, though.

🤝12. How would your character react to being put in a position of leadership?

It's not ideal! He would much rather be a follower, since he's been the leader of his siblings for most of his life as it is. Stress would weigh down on him pretty hard. He also wouldn't want to be "threatened" with a leadership position forever (again). If he was put in a position where his leadership was indefinite, he wouldn't be able to separate leadership from his place as an eldest sibling. His leadership would turn condescending and far too familiar, and he'd likely receive pushback until he either snapped or simply quit. If a leadership position is being granted to him as a reward or as recognition, he'll accept it quicker than if it's because he's actually qualified to lead. He does occasionally place himself in leadership positions voluntarily, if he feels like the original leader isn't doing their job right/well anymore. Raphael is what you might call an "emergency leader." He'll follow until things start going chaotic or horribly wrong, and then he'll step in and start guiding, even though he doesn't actually want to be the leader. He usually has some choice words for failed leaders.

🤝17. How well does your character work with others?

Generally Raphael doesn't work well with others. To the above point, he has absolutely no patience for incompetence at work. Raphael will openly question methods and behaviors, challenge ideas, and argue strategic plans. His superiors at his job have all but removed him from fieldwork and reconaissance entirely, because he cannot help becoming combative if he feels his coworkers are being stupid, inefficient, or uncertain. It's a combination of his eldest sibling instincts and prioritizing how he does things, for better or worse. He's confident in his own personal ability to charmingly disarm others, so he finds more abrasive and blunt methods of talking to others irritating and unnecessary. He doesn't account well for how other people might operate, simply believing their ways of doing things aren't as good as his. He works best by himself, or with a small group of excellent communicators (which most of his coworkers are not).

💓6. How well does your character act under pressure?

Raphael functions well enough on the surface under pressure - he makes a good show of not being impacted by pressure at all, appearing very flippant and nonchalant. But in actuality the fear of failure is stifling. If he fails in general he kicks himself something fierce, but to fail under pressure, when expectations are high? When people trust him to do good work and succeed? Failing simply isn't an option. If he failed in front of others while under pressure, their disappointment would be so palpable he'd fly off the handle at the next person who asked anything of him. He never wants to be known as the guy who fumbled when it mattered most.

[pollyanna-nana]

With the tide finally turning in favor of a-spec identities and their place in the queer community, I wanted to write something kind of (no idea where they are now, this isn’t even the same account I knew them on) to the person who brought me to tumblr in the first place, all those years ago.

I don’t know if you remember me, but I remember you. You were one year ahead of me in school, and we became friends, somehow. I told you I had a Tumblr, but not a personal blog. You encouraged me to make one, and we followed each other. I have such complicated feelings about this. I was not a very good person then, I was a traumatized teen taking it out on the world in some pretty shitty ways. In a way, following you was what helped make me better. The things you posted was the last key in breaking down the bigoted views I had and seeing them for what they really were. For that, I am thankful.

But you also made me hate a part of myself.

I identified as aroace before we met, I think. Though the timing on that doesn’t so much matter as it does just knowing that I was using that label at the time I knew you. I remember your reaction when I told you, that you saw asexuality as a modifier, and not as it’s own identity. I was confused and maybe a little hurt. I’d seen ace discourse on tumblr before this conversation and it’d made me righteously angry, but here you were, someone whose opinions I held in high esteem agreeing with them. It was then that I noticed you reblogged plenty of aphobic and exclusionary posts. I started to believe there was a real degree of truth to it all, and that I should be ashamed of my identity.

It wasn’t until years later that, talking to a friend, they finally talked some sense into me. You’d already graduated at this point, so we were really only tumblr mutuals and never saw each other IRL. I realized, with some coaxing, why am I following someone who makes me feel miserable about myself? (As it would turn out, this was a pretty common occurrence for me. But that’s neither here nor there.) Some time later, I realized that my identity was different than what I thought. That I was actually an asexual lesbian, not aro. At this point I’d gained more confidence in the validity of the label, so I sardonically thought back to you and how you would’ve finally accepted me as sufficiently queer enough to be in the community you introduced me to. That pissed me off, still does honestly, because I was ALWAYS queer enough. Even when I identified as aro.

All of this is to say. I don’t know where you are now, what you’re doing or even who you are. I hope, I sincerely, truly hope, that you’re a better person now. That you don’t think the way you did when we were both teens. But I do know one thing.

Fuck the version of you who made me believe I wasn’t good enough.

Sincerely…. Pollyanna.

[phoenix-is-the-hottest-thing]

i think transmasc kiana & fu hua being tagged as f/f is fine. nonbinary people are ultimately included in all types of relationships. you can be a lesbian and date a nonbinary person and you can be a gay man and date a nonbinary person because nonbinary doesn't mean a third gender or "something other than cis female cis male". it just means something not in the gender binary. and the term includes such a large group of identities with their own types and subtypes that a relationship including a enby person will be hard to define as just "other"/nblw/nblm. and some nonbinary individuals might identify more with calling themselves wlw/mlm than they do nblw/nblm and therefore lean more towards "f/f" and "m/m" than "other" either. it all depends on the person because gender is complicated. not to mention, when people search for fics, nobody searches for "other", it's either one of the three and since kiana is canonically female, that's what it would be tagged as. there's also the fact that kiana is also canonically a lesbian, and a lot of these authors hc kiana as a transmasc lesbian so tagging it as f/m might imply that they see kiana and whichever character they ship kiana with as heterosexual, when it's not the case.

i personally don't like how the f/f m/m f/m other categories on ao3 are used. i don't like the idea of classifying relationships by gender (especially one by the gender binary, with an exception made for nonbinary that ultimately does nothing but reinforce nonbinary identity as a third gender or an exception to the binary) when gender is already so complicated. however, in one of my fandoms, there's a ship between two characters who are canonically genderfluid, but depending on the characters presentation in the fic, author will tag it as either f/f, m/m, or f/m. i personally like how these authors use these categories for presentation and expression, not gender itself, and i think this should be how the categories are used instead! and i think if we are going by presentation and expression then i think it should be tagged as f/m, but unfortunately most of ao3 doesn't work that way so it's understandable why transmasc kiana authors might tag it as f/f instead.

all of this is just what i think as a transmasc person though. other people might have their own opinions and interpretations.

Mmm I hear you, and honestly I agree with your final conclusion. Going by presentation or what the characters in-story express their genders are seem to yield the best result since it synchronizes the tagging and the reader experience.

You’re right that the category system isn’t nuanced enough to really cover queerness properly. Personally though, I think it’s serviceable enough (and the following is a big reason why I dislike the current way those fics are tagged):

F/F doesn’t mean lesbians.

If it did mean “this is a lesbian relationship” you would tag two bi women something different. It just means “character A and B fall under an F category, and they’re in a romantic or sexual relationship”. It doesn’t even mean wlw, technically— you would tag something F/F even if they’re two straight women forced to kiss.

All F/F does is roughly categorize the gender of the characters involved, NOT the relationship itself. Does that mean it misses particular nuances? Yes. But in the cases where a binary isn’t enough I think “Other” is fine. AO3 needs broad and imprecise categories to work correctly, like its tags.

Regarding “Other”. That’s only my personal opinion of course but unlike you, I find it validating to have that “whatever doesn’t fit a binary, anything you want” category. What else could be used? A more specific category like “NB/F” would be much more third gender sounding than “Other” is. I can’t think of a better way to implement it while keeping this functionality.

As for “Nobody searches for Other fics” I disagree. I routinely exclude stuff I don’t like from my searches, so I’d filter out M/M because there’s tons of it, but I never exclude Other because it has a chance of being something I’ll enjoy, and since there’s usually less of it, it doesn’t spam my results anyway.

On the flip side, if someone is looking for F/F fics specifically I think it’s fair for them to exclude ships that don’t fit that category because it’s what they’re looking for. I get squicked by those Transmasc Kiana fics so I bonk them out of existence based on the Transmasc Kiana tag, but I know I’m not the only one with a negative experience like “cool, F/F— ah shit it’s not actually that :(”. In my eyes, misleading categorization serves no one and just builds resentment :/

Of course I assume that it’s not misleading in the eyes of the author, they’re not doing anything really wrong, it’s just that to me and other people I’ve talked to, the lived experience is being mislead. You can’t trust the big bright category icon anymore, gotta pre-emptively filter a certain tag out. What’s categorized just isn’t what you get.

This especially sucks when you read a sequel to something where they decided to change Kiana’s presentation in a timeskip, why would I recheck the tags on something I trusted? It’s just… been endlessly getting smacked with squick for me and it sucks. If that wasn’t my experience I would not care, but it’s reached then point where I need to know what other people are thinking, so here we are.

Additionally, I don’t think the category matters much if what you’re looking for is more people seeing it. If that’s a factor it’s not worth it. AO3 isn’t social media, it’s an archive: people should be able to find exactly what they’re looking for. Do your advertisement on separate social media, not AO3 itself.

Besides, I saw that the author in the comment defined their Kiana as “Non-binary masc person”. So it’s not just that the presentation is masculine, the gender is explicitly nb. As a non-binary person I really wouldn’t want to be put under F, even if I fall quite close to feminine presentation and such, so I really can’t relate to wanting to have it tagged as F when the character is transmasc. If it was a term I used I would probably fall under transfem myself and I still wouldn’t want myself tagged as F. I would find that distressing.

I’m glad it’s non-issue for most other people including that author, but @muntiller2 has also shared a similar sentiment from a different gender situation so my perspective isn’t unique either.

So these are reasons why I disagree with the author and a couple things you said; your opinion is valid and I agree with you on several other points, anon.

I wanted to hear more perspectives on this matter and I’m happy you came forward with your opinion. I just had a lot on my chest I guess @-@ I hope it made sense since I’m still down with the flu…

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

I remember something from quite some time ago, where an anon was asking about something something if Ingo was taken back, but his pre-hisui self was still there something something identity issues (I went looking but couldn't find it so I don't remember the exact question), and you said that, by pretty much every metric, pre-hisui Ingo was a more real Ingo than post-hisui Ingo was. Because he remembers everything, has the right bonds and connections, etc. Which makes me wonder how Ingo would think of Helic? To Emmet, when he learns the truth, Helic is a fake Ingo who was trying to taking Ingo's place for reasons only the disk understands, and he has complicated feelings about that. To Ingo, Helic might feel a more accurate Ingo than he himself is. I think that Emmet would still prefer the real Ingo to Helic though, even if Helic acted more like how he expects and remembers Ingo to. It's gotta be pretty uncomfortable to hear someone tell you that they love you, because everyone's knowledge that Ingo-loves-Emmet basically forced them to.

ohh yeah no i remember that but i also can't find it bc it wasn't tagged as anything specific i don't think. augh.

anyway. yeah if ingo has his memories this isn't so much of an issue but if he STILL mostly has amnesia this gets REALLY complicated and messy. because like, yeah, ingo's in the same physical form and helic's in a new one—but helic also occupies the social position identified with "ingo" and post-hisui ingo doesn't. how much does that weigh on personhood? does helic consider itself ingo? probably not, based on what we've said, but then, how much weight does your own self-perception have on identity? because ultimately, the difference between the two of them comes entirely down to the unmeasurable internal self-perception each possesses. neither of them have the "right" memories, really. "ingo" has almost none of them, and helic does have them but they're all from the wrong perspective, from an external viewpoint. if the true version of those memories, from ingo's own perspective, is irrecoverable, which one is "better" or more "correct"? does a lack of memory negate an identity? does seeing one person from an external viewpoint make it impossible to truly be them? helic's own programming would insist that it is ingo. but does that very statement, that something is ordering it, also negate it?

if i remember correctly, where i eventually came down on that other ask was the "a person is a pigeonhole" line of thought. each identity is a box, and everyone must occupy one, and no more than one person can occupy a single one. so in that sense, i would argue that helic can't be ingo because it's too busy being the rift-construct, which is its own identity with its own connections and perceptions. and since warden ingo is a nonperson in the modern day, and based on where the people around him would like to put him, ingo would naturally occupy the ingo-box.

but that's my own opinion and when you're actually one of the people involved you tend to get much less rational about it, so ingo probably starts and ends his rationalization at "the construct has been here longer and knows more about me and so has more claim to the identity than i do." while helic would be torn between the preexisting moral feeling that it isn't ingo and should stop lying about that, and its programmed insistence that it be ingo.

anyway. does that make sense. yeah it's Funky

[ederiiis]

Compulsory Question 1

I have identified six essential elements in my manifesto which I deemed most important to me as a young designer.

Passion for knowledge. CTS B has highlighted to me the importance of wanting to seek more knowledge, more information. As a learner, I am fully aware that there is an infinite amount of things that I have yet to learn and explore out there. But this knowledge will stay untouched without me putting in effort to reach out for them. I have to be proactive as a designer and always looking out for platforms and opportunities to seek information. LASALLE being in the heart of the design circle in Singapore, I am just a few steps away from places like The National Museum of Singapore and even other design schools like NAFA. I need to take initiative outside my curriculum, at my own will to visit different design centres. Lecturers that are also designers by heart around me are also available and they will also be keen to share a part of their experience which will all contribute to my growth as a designer.

Making connections. This module involved a lot of working as a team and discussing our own ideas and taking on different issues. I have been able to have an active platform for exchange of experiences and backgrounds. This did not only open up for flow of knowledge but also doors to opportunities that have yet to be explored. Opportunities for collaborations and a medium to help each other to be better designers. Having a wide chain of connections can also aid me to even more opportunities to work with designers that may be more experienced and more knowledgeable which will help with my growth. It can also open up opportunities relating to building my own career and reputation as a designer.

Embrace differences. In modules such as Studio, we have a lot of platforms and chances to meet people. We are always constantly working with other designers and rarely on our own. I have met people from various backgrounds that experience things that I have never experienced before. The differences in our lives built differences in opinions and perspectives too. This is not necessarily a bad thing. It is only a drive to open my mind to new ideas and beliefs. It helps me to be more empathetic and understanding towards others. This way I can be a more versatile, adaptable and knowledgeable designer.

Design with purpose. Designing with intent helps to make my work more meaningful. I believe that design is more than just aesthetics and is also a medium for designers to express themselves and their opinion about things revolving around them. I feel it will be fulfilling for me to know that my work played a part in any way to improve a part of the society. It can be as simple as designing a product to help with reduction of waste or through the message I intend to convey behind the aesthetics of my designs and work. Designing with purpose also means not to be excessive or directionless in putting certain elements in my work. Always be purposeful. Simple yet effective, as the idea is to communicate not to complicate.

Celebrate uniqueness. Designers have their own unique identity and it is up to me to find mine. That does not mean I cannot take inspiration from works of other designers and students around me. In fact that is how in LASALLE, we learn. We have numerous pin up sessions where we can see other students’ designs and we are encouraged to do research on other established designers around the world. By exposing myself to countless design works that communicate different design intentions in various ways, I can adapt ideas and a way of work that best suits me. This will ultimately form and shape my identity as a designer that other aspiring designers can take inspiration from to build their own personality.

Courage for betterment. There is always room for improvement. The world is constantly changing and moving to a new direction. New issues and problems will constantly arise. As a designer, I need to be able to move along with it, to adapt, to stay relevant and to constantly effectively impact the world through my work. I need to be able to humble myself and take criticism from other people and designers, regardless of their years of experience or expertise, and always listen. I have to be able to listen and empathise where other designers are coming from, why and how they do certain things and take what I perceive to be an area that I can improve. In other modules that I took this semester, we always have sharing sessions when we pin up our works and share our thought processes in coming up with whatever design we came up with. Lecturers will ask other students to give thoughts on other students’ work. We get to hear how other people feel and are affected by our work. We learn how we can better communicate our ideas through our designs and we constantly improve. This is how designers learn and climb the ladder to success. Always stay grounded yet ambitious and courageous.

[zelzenik]

a huge informal essay on being biracial and shipping zutara

ok genuinely i’m so tired of this. so, so tired of this. obviously not all biracial people are the same, and we have our own experiences/histories based on our own racial identities, but a lot of the biracial ZK friends that i’ve made via tumblr/ao3 have the same or similar opinions that i do, and we are TIRED. that being said, i’m not speaking for all biracial people, but i’m speaking from a place of personal experience.

those who headcanon Fire Lady Katara are not inherently in the wrong. those who do not headcanon Fire Lady Katara are ALSO not inherently in the wrong either. there are racist/sexist ways to execute this headcanon, the same way there are with literally every other headcanon. those who attack this trope, though, need to evaluate themselves because the reasons they give are often sexist and racist (ironically lol).

i’m literally half Asian (from a country that was heavily colonized by other Asian countries). did my Asian parent have to give up their Asian culture in order to be with my non-Asian parent? NO. did my Asian parent have to give up their Asian identity in order to be with my non-Asian parent? NO. did the presence of my non-Asian parent completely erase all the harmful racism my Asian parent experienced growing up? OF COURSE NOT.

i’ve read a LOT of ZK fic over the past few months, and i can say that i’ve read most, if not all, of the major Fire Lady Katara fics that exist within the fandom, and i cannot name a single one where Katara is forced to give up her culture in favor of Zuko’s. even in various ZK art pieces that feature Fire Lord Zuko and Fire Lady Katara, Katara often has Water Tribe furs and symbols incorporated with her regalia, and sometimes ZUKO does too. my non-Asian parent wears the traditional dress of my Asian parent’s culture when the situation calls for it, and my Asian parent does the same. (and that’s just an example with clothing - there are tons more applicable situations). interracial relationships are (under most circumstances) a blending of all the cultures present, and often, incorporating the other’s culture into daily life is an act of love. my non-Asian parent LOVES my Asian parent’s culture and does everything in their power to respect it, cherish it, and help my Asian parent to pass it down to their children (like me, lol). i can’t imagine Zuko not doing the same for Katara. 

similarly with the above point, i can’t recall any Fire Lady Katara fic where Katara’s racial identity gets erased in favor of Zuko’s. just because those fics tend to occur in the Fire Nation doesn’t mean that she’s... not Water Tribe anymore. just because my Asian parent does not live in an Asian country doesn’t make them any less Asian. i’m not spending much time on this point because it literally doesn’t make sense.

i do think that it’s important to mention, though, that Zuko’s presence in Katara’s life does not erase the way the Fire Nation hurt her. that hurt will likely always exist because those types of wounds go deep. but at the end of the day, they’re both two PEOPLE. they’re Katara and Zuko. the same way that Indians marry British people or Koreans marry Japanese people, people from the Water Tribe can marry those in the Fire Nation. to imply that a marriage couldn’t occur between someone from the Fire Nation and someone else from the Water Tribe is stupid because it happens all the time in the real world.

i honestly think it’s really stupid that some SJWs act as though they’re doing non-white or biracial or multiracial people a favor by attacking a headcanon that was created and has been largely supported by those who are oppressed in the real world bc of their race. obviously the Fire Lady Katara trope isn’t for everyone, but to imply that it’s racist and sexist while tearing down the POCs who headcanon it? really? don’t get me wrong, i LOVE Katara (i would do anything for her, no lie), but how is attacking real POCs better than defending imaginary ones? sorry not sorry, but that’s stupid.

the Fire Lady Katara trope has the potential to grant Katara with tons of agency, not only within her relationship with her significant other, but also with the country that HURT her (so she can prove any of the prejudiced Fire Nation people the hell wrong and provide protection for the Water Tribe in a post-war world). 

and going a step further, personally, i identify heavily with Zutara Steambabies (as i know a bunch of my other biracial ZK friends do) because of the intricacy behind their racial identities. a Fire Nation and Water Tribe union WOULD be complicated due to the countries’ histories together, but that doesn’t make it impossible. love CAN be born despite broken histories and deep-set prejudices. that’s part of what makes Zutara so beautiful, in my opinion. 

finally, i don’t know what people are on when they attack mostly only Zutara for these sort of headcanons. don’t y’all realize that 85% of all the canon/fanon ships within the ATLA-verse are interracial?? K*taang is interracial. Sukka is interracial. Taang is interracial. Z*kka is interracial. Jetko is interracial. Azutara is interracial. Jue is interracial. Tokka is interracial. Jetara is interracial. Ty Lokka is interracial. Jinko is interracial. (I COULD GO ON). y’all are straight CLOWNING if you only come for Zutara shippers on the grounds that we’re being racist and sexist for having a headcanon like Fire Lady Katara. don’t be a hypocrite.

additionally, just because you’re poc or biracial or multiracial does not mean that you can’t be racist. so many of the people who attack this headcanon pull the “i’m biracial!” or “i’m a poc!” card. I’M NOT HAVING IT. it’s okay if the trope isn’t for you! you’re free to headcanon whatever you want. to be blatantly racist to other poc or biracial or multiracial ppl who headcanon, though, it is wrong. we already catch enough flack irl for being what we are without people attacking us in our fandom spaces too.

that being said, i love Zutara deeply. for me, as a biracial person, it’s a comfort ship. a bunch of kids posting and mistagging salt regarding our headcanons isn’t gonna change that, lol.

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

Did Wellesley consider himself Irish? I know he was born there but according to wikipedia (I'm still new to a lot of this and I'm learning more about napoleonic era) he was anglo-irish. I'm just not sure of the exact implications of that label. Thank you!

Oh don't worry about asking! This is a complicated subject - especially if you're coming at it new with little background on the relationship (aha) between Ireland and England.

Did Wellesley consider himself Irish? No. He did not. He was born there—but to English (i.e. Anglo) family who didn't identify with the Irish (at all).

Anglo-Irish are descendants of [mostly] Protestant English who came to Ireland to reinforce English control i.e. the Protestant Ascendency. And Wellesley's family was part of this colonization/subjugation of Ireland (begun formally in the 17th century, but it had been happening on/off before that). His family was part of the aforementioned Protestant Ascendency which was the political/economic/social/religious control of Ireland by the English/Anglo-Irish who made up only a very small minority of landowners/general population.

Arthur himself, and his family, identified as British (or, to a lesser extent, English). And the distinction is important! Being British, and saying that whilst holding positions of control and power in Ireland, reinforced that Ireland is/was part of the Kingdom of Great Britain, which obviously there was a lot of dissent and, uh, opposition and opinions about by the Irish themselves. (Back then and still to this day.)

When Arthur was born in 1769, in addition to the Penal Laws and other regulations and Acts, Ireland was under the The Declaratory Act, 1719 which legislated that the king and British parliament had "full power and authority to make laws and statutes of sufficient validity to bind the Kingdom and people of Ireland." It also legislated that the Irish House of Lords had no power to hear appeals from Irish courts, among other various items.

This changed in 1783 so that the British parliament gave up the right to legislate for Ireland, declaring that appeals from Irish courts couldn't be heard in courts in Great Britain. Which like...who controlled the courts and legal apparatus in Ireland at this time? The Anglo-Irish.

Then there was the Act of Union, 1800 which formally unified the kingdoms of Ireland and Great Britain to create the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. This made the 1783 Act nul and void and effectively made Ireland subject to British rule (among a tonne of other legal implications that I do not have the authority to speak to with any confidence at all).

Please, please note that this is not my area of expertise and these is very much a broad brush-stroke/nutshell summary of the situation. It's incredibly complicated and worthy of deep engagement on its own. The treatment of Ireland and the Irish by the British was horrific and the complexities of identity—civic, national, personal, religious—are hugely nuanced and I am definitely not able to do them even an iota of justice. The Irish, and historians of this particular subject, are much better placed than me.

Anyway - the long and short is no, Wellesley would have identified as British, not Irish. His family was part of the long colonization/subjugation and attempted genocide of the Irish by the English. It's a very complex subject but there are some good resources out there if you're interested in learning more!

I hope this helps!

(And anyone who is more fluent on this matter, please correct anything I got wrong. My knowledge is surface level as it was never my area of specialization in ye olde academic past-life.)

[who-is-page]

We sort of started this discussion at Chimeras' Othercon panel, but I wanted to keep it going so I figured I would send an ask. What do you think it would mean for our community to drop the focus on voluntary and involuntary identities? I agree that we fundamentally should, but a bunch of things immediately jump to mind.

Our community has spent years leaning heavily into the lines between voluntary and involuntary identities and taken special care to make massive distinctions between them, leaving little to no room for grey area. It's no bit surprise that alterhuman spaces have had actual, legitimate, longstanding issues of grilling and gatekeeping. Nonhumans with nuanced and complicated identities are forced to shove themselves into a box to fit into the community, and the ideas we have about certain identities needing to be involuntary are absolutely baked into many aspects of our community and its history.

At the same time, we have used this unjustified gatekeeping in part to protect the community from genuine threats and appropriation of our terminology. The way we have limited our concepts of who is allowed to identify in what ways is generally wrong and has no doubt harmed a subset of kin, but at the same time is understandable in the sense that it has a cause. Yes, this was an issue even before KFF, but KFF certainly don't make it easy to create space for genuine voluntary kin and other voluntary alterhumans.

How do we create the space for nuance and fluidity and complexity in these terms and identities after we have spent so long defensively creating rigid boundaries and restrictions regarding the ways people are allowed to identify? How do we address community gatekeeping while also protecting our community from the people who use our identities and terminology in bad faith?

I have a lot of ideas, but this is obviously a very complex topic that we can't just solve in a day. I was just curious to hear your thoughts, if you had any. Hopefully once our personal website is up one of our first essays will be about this issue. (Also, how is Page? /hj)

So I know we’ve been sitting on this ask for... -checks watch- ...almost two weeks now, but it’s genuinely because I just wasn’t sure how to answer it for a good long while, and I didn’t just want to throw out some haphazard, half-hearted answer to such important questions. So here’s our thoughts on the debacle.

Voluntary and involuntary is a focus I doubt we’ll ever see any of the alterhuman communities permanently drop, for several reasons.

The first and foremost being that, by the definition of the term “alterhuman,” defined here as “a subjective identity which is beyond the scope of what is traditionally considered ‘being human’,” both experiences at their most extremes technically fall underneath the label, rendering the distinction (to some) vitally important to helping understand and define their identity/identity labels. The difference between KFF as an alterhuman identity and forms of otherkinity as an alterhuman identity, for instance, as you mention.

And then there’s the societal factors to consider. People like nice, neat little boxes: people like to be able to compartmentalize their communities, with no overlap, with no spillage, with no complications or grey areas or nuance. It’s a fact of life that people often instinctively want to water down labels and identities into more easily digestible formations, though there are arguments around why people precisely do it. And, as you point out, that often means alterhumans and nonhumans with more complex or nuanced identities typically get shoved into one box or another that they may not perfectly fit into.

When we zero in on specifically the otherkin community, this becomes even more complicated given the community’s rife history: abusive p-shifter groups, the appropriation of language by roleplayers and fiction writers, zoophiles attempting to forcibly associate otherkinity with pro-bestiality movements, and the blatant general misinformation spread by laymen and academics alike, just to name a few relevant problems the community has faced and continues to face. The community is stubborn to a fault, largely because it’s had to be in order to survive. It holds to its preconceived notions and rigid boundaries like a dog with toy aggression to their favorite plush stegosaurus. Fittingly so, really.

So how do we take that stubbornness and change it to be more inclusive to our own? How could we, while still surviving all that onslaught and more? That’s the big question.

In regards to the larger alterhuman community, we’re blessed in the fact that it’s still such a young concept: it hasn’t quite yet had to face the “pathological anger” Religious Studies professor Joseph Laycock has described otherkin as bearing the brunt of. It’s still a community figuring itself out, with much of the anger you find related to it aimed at specific subsets of community within it, rather than at alterhumanity as a whole. And I think the fact that the alterhuman community is still metaphorically air-drying on a table means we have the opportunity to prevent anti-nuance and anti-complexity attitudes from taking hold in it. How we do that is another battle in itself-- I feel like the encouragement of inclusive dialogue, of open discussion intermingled with considerate or civil attitudes, within alterhuman-marketed spaces is a good starting point. I also think that the encouragement and legitimization of “alterhuman” as its own standalone term would be a positive force, where it functions as a broad, diverse identity label in addition to being an overarching, joining umbrella label. A label where someone doesn’t have to give details away of their identity if they don’t feel comfortable doing so, or shove themself into a box they may or may not actually feel they fit into. Something functionally similar to how many people use “queer,” if you will.

But that still leaves aside the issue of identity and terminological misuse, I am aware. And that is...an abstract thing to ward against, at absolute best. I think that the defining of our own spaces not only through our words but also through our actions would perhaps be the best thing we could do, realistically. The cultivation of websites, of group projects--books, zines, comics, pictures, forums, anything!--, of community-led conventions and meet-ups and howls and gatherings. Things which foster and build a community identity of sorts is the best defense against those who would try and distort that which makes us, us.

Zooming back in on the otherkin community, these answers change slightly, because--going back to the clay metaphor--the otherkin community has already metaphorically been glazed and baked (in the fires of hell). That history is cemented, the ways people have wronged it and continue to try and wrong it is cemented, the assumptions and attitudes are cemented.

With the otherkin community, I think that the burden of changing minds and pervasive attitudes falls a bit more onto the shoulders of “community leadership,” because of how the community functions and values both community experience and articulation. There’s a reason we don’t have a term comparable to “greymuzzle” in any of the other alterhuman communities, after all-- it’s a well-known and often aggravating quirk of the otherkin community, to hold certain individuals in such high esteem and put them on a pedestal because of their longevity and the things they’ve done and said. I hate to say that they have to set an example, but in the otherkin community that really is one of the best ways to advocate for change, or to push against those gatekeeping and grilling attitudes--by those who are largely well-respected putting forward ideas that have previously been mocked or disavowed, pushing debates on their legitimacy into community consciousness until it eventually trickles into community normalcy and foundation.

(This is, as you can imagine, a double-edged sword depending on how it’s used. But that’s a discussion for another day.)

That’s not to say that the ideas of creation and creativity with the goal of cultivating an inclusive community identity, like I suggested for the alterhuman community, is inapplicable to the otherkin community: but the otherkin community already has a long-term community identity, so it’d moreso be creation and creativity for the sake of formative inclusion. “History is always written by the winners” is a very, very literal phrase in its application to the otherkin community. Our community memory, for lack of a better way to put it, sucks from individual-to-individual. The future of the otherkin community, its eventual-history, is determined by its historians and creators of today: day-to-day arguments and discussions, unless deemed historically relevant by one archivist or another, disappear to the sands of time, and much more long-term recordings such as essays, websites, comics, etc., often go far beyond just its creators hands and get passed around and down for years, potentially. If you want a more nuanced and inclusive community, you have to dig up the clay for it, shovel by shovel, and bake it yourself, brick by brick, and eventually, with luck, or enough backing prestige, or just because those bricks are so astoundingly solid people can’t resist taking some to build their own foundations to nonhumanity, things will change. It will take time above all else, but once it’s there it will be impossible to remove, because people will just assume those bricks have always been there given enough years.

But those are just some of my thoughts and opinions on it. It’s an issue with so many layers of complexity to it, that there’s really no perfect answer out there that I can offer, and I know even what I’ve shared here has its flaws and drawbacks. I’m sure plenty of my followers also have additional thoughts on the subject, and I’d love to hear from other people what they think in the replies and reblogs.

(Also, Page is a very tired boi.)

[ianthe-is-a-bitch-and-i-love-her]

On Family

An excerpt from Memoirs of a Flesh Eater, never published

Previous Excerpt

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One question that I see asked in the news a lot is why there are still any ghouls left. We have a distinctive, high-impact feeding habit that requires us to stay within human society, where we are both outnumbered and outgunned. This has essentially been the case since the development of automatic firearms, and you’ve continued to develop more and more effective methods of killing us since then. How are we not extinct?

The talking heads always have lurid theories to propose. My personal favorite one, which comes up every couple of years or so, is that the government is secretly breeding us so that they have an excuse to send secret police out into the general populace for nefarious purposes pretending to be exterminators. As if they’d need the excuse {Editing Note: I’ve gotta keep my political views out of this except where they directly pertain to ghouls. No unnecessarily alienating people}. The most commonly accepted one seems to be that we just have a lot of children to compensate for our high mortality rate. Spatha calls that an R strategy, I think. Scarlet calls it the Rabbit Theory. Whatever you call it, it’s wrong. Our species has survived off the strength and compassion of our families.

Contrary to popular impressions, our “nuclear” families are pretty small. My understanding is that 1-4 children is the typical range. I’m the only confirmed only child in my friend group. Scarlet’s the youngest of three, Scorpio’s a middle child, Spatha avoids talking about her home life, and Kestrel doesn’t know her biological parents. There’s a couple of pressures that keep our family sizes small. First, it’s challenging to feed too many ghouls at once, especially ghoul children, who we don’t want worrying about where they’re going to get their meals. Second, the majority of ghoul parents are going to end up as single parents before their kids are fully grown. Either one of them is going to get killed, or they’re going to have to separate to go on the run from the exterminators; and, of course, we do still break up and get divorced sometimes.

These pressures are exaggerated by our general lack of an extended family. It’s not that all of our aunts and uncles get hunted down - even if they did, we’d still have cousins - but it’s not safe for us to have traceable extended families. When exterminators identify a ghoul, the first thing they do is put out a bulletin for all known blood relatives. The most common tactic to avoid this is, when multiple siblings make it to adulthood, at least one of them changes their identity and moves away. This isn’t always done, but it’s done often enough that document forging is a widespread and well-respected profession in the Society. It’s useful for dodging exterminators in other circumstances too. My mom and I changed our names and moved cities after exterminators killed my dad when I was 4.

Between that and the sheer number of out-and-out orphans in our Society, it should come as no surprise that we’ve developed a new family structure to fill in the gaps. The terminology we use for this structure is variable, but the term I’ve always used is “household”. A household is a sort of adopted extended family, typically formed by and centered around one particularly resourceful ghoul called a patron. The patron takes whichever ghouls they choose under their wing, introduces them to each other, and helps them coordinate their talents and resources so that they all have everything they need. Most obviously, this means making sure they all have a supply of flesh, but there are numerous other kinds of support a household can provide. I doubt I need to emphasize again how valuable a reliable source of companionship and safety is, but patrons typically have access to connections and contacts that can help the other members of the household accomplish their goals.

My household, for example, was founded by our patron Yaga. It consists of her, her adopted daughter Kestrel, my mom and I, my friends Scarlet and Scorpio and their immediate families, and four other older ghouls. There’s also Spatha, who has been reluctant to fully join the household but acts like a member in most contexts. Three of our members have reliable flesh sources, and Yaga coordinates with other ghouls to find supplementary sources to ensure that she always has a surplus on hand. This keeps all of us well-fed and lets her distribute the rest to those in need in exchange for favors and cachet that the rest of us can use for our own advancement. In turn, the rest of us pitch in for odd jobs here and there, mostly on flesh-gathering jobs of one kind or another, and we look out for each other. I’ve done a bit of babysitting with Kestrel, for example, and Yaga was able to get me and Scarlet summer jobs to save up for college.

Babysitting, by the way, is one of the most valuable services a household can provide to a ghoul parent. Given our mortality rate, it probably isn’t a surprise that there’s a good bit of cultural pressure to have children, and have them quick. Ghoul children are… a lot. When we’re newborn, we’re pretty much like human babies. Ghoul babies can nurse from ghoul mothers for awhile, which is a relief. They need to switch to flesh before their teeth come in, though, so that means flesh slurry, which is more complicated to make than you might think. For best results, you want a mix of blood, muscle tissue, organ tissue, and bone, especially marrow. We get better at pulling all our nutrients from just flesh as we mature, but babies aren’t as developed. Getting those varied tissues is a little more complicated than just getting flesh. Bone especially is challenging - more mature ghouls have no need for it, and it’s honestly kinda gross. You just have to hope that whoever you’re getting flesh from can start holding some bones for you. Not every source has easy access to bones. 

{Editing Note: I think I wrote bone too many times - it looks fake now. Bone. Bone.}

We get our ghoul teeth at the same time as our baby teeth. Our ghoul teeth fall out and are replaced too, but we keep growing new ones our whole lives, kinda like sharks. Funnily enough, I don’t think we grow extra human teeth, which seems like a strange way for evolution to take us, but what do I know, I’m not a biologist. At that point we can start eating regular flesh, and parents have the unenviable task of explaining to toddlers that they can’t just slide their teeth out whenever they want. Our other features come in a bit later - claws between 4 and 6, eyes with puberty. Let me tell you, the claws hurt coming in. I couldn’t hold a pencil for a month. My mom told the elementary school that I was deathly sick so she could keep me home, but I think Scarlet just pretended he’d broken both his hands and went in splints. I don’t envy him - stretching my claws did a lot to relieve the pain.

I’ll admit freely that, by our standards, I had a pretty charmed childhood. I fit into human society pretty easily, I had a mom who loved me and could provide for me, a patron and household to help pick up the slack, and ghoul friends my own age. I had the discipline to keep my true nature hidden from my human peers, and I don’t think I was even particularly traumatized by the pressure of performing humanity that much. I can safely attribute that to the fact that I had safe spaces throughout my life to let the charade drop. Most ghouls at least have that. Most, but not all.

Our integration into human society also means that we inevitably become entangled in human society. We become invested in the lives of our human peers, we befriend them, care about them. Sometimes we fall in love with them. Eating people seems like kind of a big secret to keep from a potential romantic partner - I certainly couldn’t manage it - but some ghouls form romantic relationships with humans nonetheless. Maybe some of these human partners eventually discover the truth and are willing to overlook it for the person they love, but I doubt it happens often. I’ve certainly never heard of it. I’ve heard of it going the other way, though, a human partner discovering the truth and reacting poorly. Someone always dies when that happens. I personally know a few ghouls who’ve dated humans, or are seriously involved with them. Frankly, it scares the hell out of me. I get that the heart wants what it wants, but some wants aren’t worth the risk.

{Editing Note: That last line feels… tense. Emotionally charged. Why? And should I change it?}

In my opinion, the gravest of these risks is what happens when a human and a ghoul decide they want to build a life together, but kids are already in the equation. The human-ghoul mixed family is probably the most toxic environment that a ghoul child could be raised in and conceivably survive. All that pressure of hiding your true nature from your peers as you grow up? That feeling of isolation that follows you everywhere you go among humans? All of the most crushing emotional turmoil I’ve described in this book so far? Imagine if there was no relief for that even at home with your family. I frankly have no idea how ghoul parents manage to feed themselves and their children without being caught, or how they manage to perform humanity so flawlessly and constantly that their literal immediate family never catches on. I don’t know how those children manage to survive to adulthood, but I imagine they have some seriously fucked up mental health problems by the time they do. Factor in the suspicion that they would inevitably face from our Society when they finally are able to join it properly - after all, who more likely to become a Judas or be Lost than a ghoul raised by humans? - and I’d be willing to bet most of them don’t make it out of their twenties.

Before we move on entirely from families in general and mixed families in particular, I’d like to take a quick aside to talk about “half-ghouls”. You hear about them in horror media fairly often, the biological child of a human and a ghoul. Authors love to ascribe all sorts of traits to these hypothetical creatures - greater and more monstrous than the sum of their parts, supernaturally strong and vicious, impossible to detect within human society, sometimes with traits that are blatantly impossible, like telepathy or mind control or just plain magic. All of that is obviously untrue, but it’s something of a point of contention as to whether or not a “half-ghoul” is even possible. None of the ghouls I’ve talked to seem to agree about whether it can happen, and a search of human medical literature was similarly inconclusive. Humans, at least, seem to think that it might be theoretically possible, but have never been able to verify it by observation or by medical experiment. Of the ghouls I know that have been romantically involved with humans, none of them have ever gotten a kid out of it. It’s one of those things where we just don’t know. If it were possible, I’m not even sure what the implications would be.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

So I looked through a detransition blog just out of curiosity, since it was one you reblogged, but now I’m super... freaked out? I have a top surgery consultation in April but now I have this weird fear that I’m faking it or that I’ll regret it afterwards. I’ve identified as somewhere along non-binary and trans (he/they!) for over a year, and I’ve known I’m not a girl for even longer, but now I’m just so afraid that maybe I don’t know myself at all. Do you have any advice on what this is?

Lee says:

Discussing your feelings with a therapist can sometimes help you untangle the anxiety from everything else. It’s reasonable to have some apprehension about a major surgery that can have a big impact on your life because it is a big change- and like any other surgery, it also has medical risk and can result in complications. 

And reading about other people’s feelings about their surgeries can be helpful! I do recommend reading things from people who were happy with the outcome and reading things from people who weren't to get a better perspective on the range of experiences that can exist. Only reading the negative or the positive doesn’t provide a balanced view!

But even if you read other people’s stories, and talk to them about why they feel the way they do about their choices and bodies, nobody else can tell you what you should do for yourself. Even a therapist can’t know for sure if you will regret surgery (or anything else that you choose to do) because nobody can see into the future, see into your heart, and see into mind simultaneously to and determine for certain what it is that you need. 

As soon as I came out as non-binary when I was 15, I started saving money for top surgery. I was someone who ran towards top surgery at full tilt and I didn’t give myself any space for doubt about whether it was the right choice for me because I felt it was the only choice I had-- forwards or nothing. I was pretty severely depressed at the time and had a brief hospitalization the month before I turned 18, and I was sort of pinning all my hopes on top surgery reducing my dysphoria and booting out my depression. So I scheduled my consultation as soon as I turned 18 and was legally an adult and could do so without parental permission. I immediately scheduled my surgery for the soonest available date, and had inverted-T incision top surgery about 3 months after I turned 18.

Now I’m 21 years old, and I’m 3 years and 5 months post-op from my top surgery. 

In retrospect, top surgery was 110% the right choice for me. If I could do it all over again, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Top surgery really did reduce my dysphoria by a significant amount, and that made it easier for me to cope with my depression and other mental health issues. I was proudly parading around the house shirtless as soon as I was able to stop using post-op compression, before my incisions had even healed into scars.

I don’t have any dysphoria about my chest anymore, especially now that I’ve gotten tattoos to cover my scars. I finally feel like I look like how I always knew I was meant to look.

I don’t post pictures of my chest anymore because I have distinguishing tattoos but I’ve posted a few before/after pictures when I was 3 years post-op and I think things have only gotten better now.

I was lucky to not have any complications; I don’t have any nerve pain, and hypertrophic or keloid scarring, and I didn’t need any revisions. But there are some things that are non-ideal compared to if I had just been born with a typical cis-guy flat chest. My nips are a little wonky in color and shape, and I plan on getting medical tattoos at some point to even the edges out. I also have slightly muted sensation in my chest now, so everything is like slightly number than it was before.

When I was pre-op, I did enjoy having nipple sensation that was pleasurable; even though I had inverted t-incision top surgery which preserved the nipple stalk, I still only have tactile, temperature, and pain sensations in my chest. If you put an ice cube on my nipple and my eyes were closed, I’d know it was cold. If you poked me while I was looking away, I’d still feel it. And if you squeezed me, it would hurt. But somehow it doesn’t feel good anymore like it used to. 

I don’t know how much of that loss in erotic sensation is a mental thing and how much is a physical change caused by scar tissue build up around the nerve. But regardless, it is a real loss. 

For me, that loss is well worth it. While I might have been physically capable of experiencing erotic nipple/chest sensation before, I rarely actually did have that experience because it made me too dysphoric and I didn’t like to take my shirt off during sex. Now I feel more fully present and comfortable in my own body and it makes me more engaged so I can focus on my partner and on the other feelings I’m having and how I look isn’t something that is detracting from the experience. 

In general, top surgery has made my life better in a million ways. I love running shirtless with my college cross country team, I like going swimming at the beach with no shirt, and I like the way I look now when I see myself in a mirror after stepping out of the shower. 

When I get dressed in the morning, my day starts off on a neutral note because it’s just me putting on clothes. Sometimes I pause to think about how I can just put on a shirt and feel good about it and move on. Before, I used to be upset every morning because the first thing I’d be reminded of when I woke up was that my chest was there and I didn’t want it to be. I’m Autistic, and binding was Not comfortable for me sensory-wise, so not having to bind was also nice.

I would choose to get top surgery again, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the right choice for each and every person. I am sure it was the right choice for me, and I have no regrets at all, I never want to have breasts again. But someone else might think that not having erotic nipple sensation is a dealbreaker, or they might not be comfortable with scars if they tend to heal with more visible raised scars that are harder to cover with a tattoo like I did mine.

So I can tell you that top surgery has made my life better and I’m glad I got it and I don’t think that there would have been any way for me to be as happy as I am now if I had not gotten it. Top surgery is life saving and life-changing for some people, and I am one of those people. I might be more inclined to tell people that if you think you need surgery you should get it because my surgery went so well and because I’m still identifying as genderqueer, transmasculine, and non-binary, just like I was when I was 15, so my identity is pretty static there.

Some other post-op people may tell you that they regret their surgery, that they wish they hadn’t done it, and they would make a different decision if they could go back in time. They might want to help warn other people to not make the same mistake that they did.  Detransitioned folks often (but not always) have a different perspective than folks who persisted in being transgender and that’s okay- it isn’t a better perspective or a worse one, just a different one. But both trans and reidentified people can feel this way, even though it’s usually more common for de-trans folks to regret surgical procedures that it is for trans folks.

I semi-rushed into surgery for both emotional and logistical reasons but I knew it was right for me. But that isn’t the best choice for everyone and if you aren’t 100% sure that it is what you want and need then there’s nothing wrong with having the consultation with the surgeon to learn more and then thinking things over before you schedule a surgery date (or don’t), you don’t need to immediately schedule a surgery date after the consult. Think of it as an interview and as an information gathering session.

Neither of us can tell you what you should do because neither of us are “right” or “wrong” about top surgery. It’s just a different experience and a different perspective. We all have biases based on our own way of seeing things, and that can inform our advice.

If you know what the risks are, and you’ve given it careful thought and can provide an informed consent, then whether you should get surgery is your decision. I won’t tell you “go get it!” or “don’t go get it!” and I don’t think that any blogger should be telling anons what medical procedures to get or not get. 

Worrying that you’re faking it, that you don’t know who you are, and worrying about regret is something that can be pretty scary and frustrating, but you don’t need to figure it out on your own, and it’s okay to take a little longer to come to a decision and talk it over with a therapist if you think it’s necessary to help you cope with that anxiety.

But yeah, I believe that ultimately you have to trust your gut feelings on what you know to be right for you.

Top surgery 101 links

Finding a therapist

Side note: While we do our best to avoid reblogs from obvious TERFs/truscum/transphobes/racists/sexists/ableists/etc to avoid exposing people to triggering content by boosting the blog’s visibility, and we do appreciate getting heads up asks about reblogs from a problematic OP, if we reblog a post from someone we do not necessarily endorse all of the content in every post they’ve made, and we don’t necessarily agree with all of the blogger’s opinions either. We reblog a specific post if we think seeing that post might be helpful for some of our followers.