#wip: arbor of the wicked

[sleepingfancies]

hello it is the uninvited you said u can talk about Raphael's complexities for hours. please do i want to know about this GUY <3

hiii i'm late to this but YAYYYYY thank u sm for asking about My Guy >:3 complexities under the tag for length

Raphael (23) is the eldest of six children. Since Raphael was six years old, he's helped take care of his younger siblings one by one. He does love them dearly, but a large part of him also resents how his life was dedicated to being the "third parent." He's held his tongue out of gratitude, given the hardships his parents fought through trying to raise them, but that's really only served to let his resentment simmer. His relationship with his parents is tense at best because of it. It hurts his mother in particular to see him distance himself, and truthfully Raphael hopes it keeps hurting. Despite that, whenever his siblings - or indeed anyone around him - needs help or comfort or protection, he will always be there at a moment's notice. By now, it's an instinct he can't ignore. Being of service to others while also being their guiding or protecting hand is the way he was taught how to love.

Raphael's mother Rikke became a household name when she exposed new biotechnology being quietly developed in her home country (Nattenheim) to the neighboring country (and planned future recipient of said biotechnology) of Teothe. The developmental methods of the technology kickstarted a civil war in Nattenheim, and the scandal ended all trade and diplomatic relations with Teothe. Her partner Florian helped her flee to his home in Teothe for refuge, but they remained unsafe from assassination attempts for a decade afterwards all the same. Raphael was both conceived and born during this timeframe, making his first five years of life deeply unstable and full of uncertainty. He does not remember having a safe home in which he could just be a child until he was six, by which time he became the "third parent" almost immediately.

Raphael, being his mother's spitting image, cannot escape association with "Rikke the Traitor" or "Rikke the Savior" no matter where he goes. Every person he meets is immediately aware of his connection to Rikke, and judgments frequently follow that awareness. As a result, he bases his presentation largely around what people think of his mother. If they believe she is a traitor, then Raphael plays up being dishonest, selfish, even outright cruel. If they believe she is a savior, then Raphael presents himself as selfless, honorable, and gentle-hearted. This might seem like loyalty to his mother, but in actuality, he just throws on whatever veneer "validates" any one person's judgment of him. Very few people actually "know" Raphael, given how much of his public behavior is a front.

To the above point: Raphael is, at his core, desperately attention starved. He craves recognition like his life depends on it. If someone believes his mother is a traitor with no morals, he will lean into that belief to guarantee that he is equally reviled, because that promises attention. He does not fear being disliked, because he can always get some measure attention from people who find him annoying or unlikable. He pursues goals, passions, and people he believes can satiate his attention needs with obsessive fervor. If he fails to achieve them (or god forbid loses them to another's efforts), he can become deeply bitter and even violently jealous. Raphael wants to be lauded, wants to be wanted, wants to be cherished, wants to be noticed, wants to be the specialest person in the room to something or somebody at all times. He does not care how he gets that or who or what he gets it from. He is someone prone to insanely toxic relationships that he charges headlong into, or corrupt workplaces where he can undercut others to get recognized. By the same token, though, he is also perfectly at home in a deeply loving relationship with a steady partner, or in a workplace where he can feel fulfilled helping others and be regularly thanked for it, such as emergency medical services. He has made his personality and standards very malleable in order to slot into whatever niche best rewards him with attention.

Whether an acquaintance or a close friend, everyone knows that Raphael is vain. Of course, he wouldn't describe it that way so much as that he's "meticulous" about his appearance. He takes great care of his hair in particular, but preens quite diligently in general. The point of this (though he isn't aware of it) is still an attempt at recognition. Styling himself is the easiest way to get attention, after all. If he can be the prettiest man in the room, the most fuckable person at the grocery store, the cleanest and shiniest person in the chapel, then people are paying attention to him exclusively. In fact, calling Raphael "plain" or "boring" or "dull" are probably the most surefire ways to making a permanent adversary of him. He will never, ever accept the implication that he is in any way mediocre or average. He can't accept that in others, let alone himself.

In Nattenheim culture, the number, style, and fastener-of-choice of braids a person has are all communicative of various social aspects such as marital status, profession, and class. Raphael almost exclusively wears his hair in one long, singular braid fastened with a dull tie at the ends. Due to its simplicity, this style has no translation in Natten culture. It is essentially communicating that the wearer has no identity.

Raphael's insecurities get the better of him in ways he can't always control. His fear of being replaced, forgotten, or growing irrelevant constantly gnaws at his subconscious, and it is a powerful beast. If he feels that his companionship or work is slowly being edged out of relevance by another's, he can fly into irrational and accusatory behavior in a blink. Without intervention or reassurance, it can become devastating fallout. Raphael never wants to hurt or scare people he cares about, but he just doesn't have the skill to calmly communicate how terrified he is of being replaced, forgotten, or made irrelevant. He has burned quite a few bridges this way, all of which he deeply regrets. He knows all he can do is apologize when he comes down from his state of panic, and accept if or when that apology doesn't grant him forgiveness. He genuinely wants to be a better person, but he has no idea where to start. A part of him thinks it's probably too late to improve.

Raphael would not be able to answer the question of "who are you" with anything besides his name. If asked about hobbies, passions, even personality traits, Raphael would struggle to provide an answer. If asked about childhood memories, he wouldn't be able to describe any that did not include his siblings or watching his parents fear for their lives. He has spent most of his life either playing the role of the responsible eldest child and protective big brother, or being a mirror of others' perceptions of him. He refutes vulnerability on instinct. He doesn't necessarily fear it, but he cannot afford to risk it with the wrong person. Not when his family relies on him, and not when "being himself" could also risk losing the invaluable attention that catering to people's expectations brings him.

Raphael is also, to some degree, a stanger in his own career. He joined a faction not because he believes in their beliefs or even cares about the work, but because it put the most distance between himself and his family. His joining was controversial and he was very nearly rejected, due to his mother's infamy. To avoid more scrutiny, he interacts very little with his coworkers. He is comfortable in his own company, which is perhaps the only saving grace for the situation. Isolation leaves him alone with his thoughts and feelings, isolation makes him bored, isolation makes him crave attention more and more. Most of his coworkers don't know him as anything beyond "the guy who stays out of the way," but Raphael's more destructive tendencies are always just around the corner.

Though very few people have seen it, Raphael is remarkably - even startlingly - different in private vs in public. His fronts in crowded public spaces are often loud and flirtatious, impossible to ignore and easy to be annoyed by. He brushes off criticism as easily as he charms strangers into becoming friends, all while ensuring he's the focal point of every eye in the room. One-on-one in public, he comes across as anything he wants you to believe he is. Shallow, generous, vapid, mean, funny, shy. Whatever he thinks you want him to be. In private, though, the facade drops. He's far more subdued, softspoken, and patient. He seems exhausted, even if he manages to keep up appearances with a smile at least. Particularly if he's caught off guard in private - if he wasn't expecting company - the difference seems like night and day. If asked about it, he won't acknowledge the difference. Depending on who he's speaking to in private, he can recover the facade quickly, though it's never quite the same as when he's fully prepared for a crowded room.

Despite it all, Raphael does very much want to have his own children someday! Aside from simply wanting to be a father, he wants to "do it right" as far as raising a child goes. He wants to be able to do it on his terms, with a person he chooses, with a home he establishes that is safe and quiet and comforting. He wants to give his kid the childhood he didn't get, the love and attention he just couldn't be provided, and the security he lacked in his early years. This is something that's deeply important to him, and not something he's ever discussed with anyone. He isn't sure he'll ever get it, or if he'd even be any good at it. He's worried he'd be too selfish, too insecure, too shallow. He's afraid he would end up traumatizing his child. These are worries he's never voiced aloud. Not even his parents are aware he wants to be a parent someday. He quietly mulls over whether or not he could do it - and whether it would just be kinder to let go of that desire rather than risk his problems overwhelming a kid - alone.

[greypetrel]

WIP Whenever

Tagged again by @shivunin and @daggerbeanart, thank you very much! I'm on holiday right now, so I'm a little bit slow and working traditionally but...

I found an Art Nouveau piece and thought that oh look that's Radha. And redrawn it on my sketchbook. And coloured it with watercolours. I have... A love/hate relationship with watercolours, but I haven't brought any markers with me this year to force myself to use them more. And since it's been a while since I've been wanting to do a couple set in Art Nouveau style with her and Aisling... Here. Your muse of Writing and History, Prophet's Laurel all around and PURPLE. The paper is blotchy and not the right one, don't mind that, OOPS.

DadWolf going on, page 5. This page has been... Something that picked me a little off the ground. I'll speak about it more when it won't come out as terribly sad and sappy. I'm looking at those bookshelves and shivering at the idea of colouring them, for now.

Not Dragon Age related, and I'll hope you'll forgive me... But yeah. I am a sucker for trash movies, and John Wick is... It's a trash movie with a lot of money and Keanu Reeves and I love the saga. The sketch on the left was drawn... I think in 2017 when I first saw the first movie and snickered a lot because in Russian he's nicknamed "Baba Yaga"... Which isn't really the boogeyman. It's an old witch that lives in the woods in Slavic folklore, in a tiny hut with chicken legs. And travels on a cauldron. I kept the chicken legs as a reference to the hut. But well I fount the sketch and thought to redraw it. Adding the dog because the dog is VERY important.

Writing-wise I'm a little slow at the moment, but here's a piece from Monster Fic that I don't know if I'll keep. The night right after the Arbor Wilds, Aisling got back, managed to quarrel awfully with Cassandra AND Cullen. Everyone is miserable.

Tagging: @transprincecaspian @zenstrike @scribbledquillz @heniareth @herearedragons @oxygenforthewicked @layalu and YOU who are reading this!

---

Abelas told her she shouldn’t really roam on her own in the Temple, particularly at night. The complex was built on the side of a cliff that opened on more forest down below, with gentle hills and mountains in the background facing west. In some places, where balconies had been long ago, the balaustrade had long fallen, leaving just openings on nothing: the incautious visitor could all too easily fall to their death.

But she was left with very little to do, after unloading Little Brother and setting up a camp in the big atrium for them… Four. Because it ended up that one of the Templars gave in for good, and didn’t really feel like going out. Not with the whole of the Inquisition army ready to jump on him. No one there could really disagree, and since the man -George, a burly man in his fourties, with a ruddy face that spoke of many laughters and evenings spent drinking with friends and eyes that still sparkled even if they were heavily rimmed in red- had been so quick in lowering his sword and yielding…

Aisling had given him one of the cots that were packed on her horse, insisted when he tried to say that no, that was hers, and just… Curled around her saddle, using it as a pillow and rolling herself in a blanket side by side with Radha, and allowed herself to cry.

Except, no tears came forth.

She was grateful of being there, and opening her eyes, looking at remnants of a past long gone, something that every First would have killed to find. Something that poor Taven actually died to find. It’s huge, it’s been kept in wondrous state… And it’s inhabited. It’s inhabited, and she has the way to ask to her heart’s content.

And yet, all she can think of is that the Herald of Andraste would be up in a camp on the top of a hill, after a round of greetings and congratulations with the Empress, the Marquise of the Dales and all the nobles they rallied to the help. After that, she would have pretended to retire in her tent and slipped right out to slowly reach and sneak in the Commander’s one, and sleep curled against his warm frame, caressed by hands that were always cold, held and safe and loved.

And yet, she’s just Aisling, a Dalish mage that touched the wrong artifact and now has gained a unique ability, the mask has been left in her tent up the hill, and she feels giddy from both the sensation of having stood up for herself and the idea of all that she wants to ask to the elves there and explore and learn there. At the same time, tho, the giddiness is chased around by regret, the slimy feeling of being ignoring responsibilities, that she should be up there and doing her job, that she let everyone down. Nobody who stopped in the Temple was happy: Radha is angry because Morrigan drank from the Well, and both Aisling and Solas stopped her when Aisling turned down the chance. Solas is in one of his moods and hurt from Radha being angry.

Her heart beats too fast, her thoughts are too quick: she knows she won’t be sleeping any time soon, unless she does something. So, she lets go of the saddle, quietly slips out of the blanket and leaves on tip-toes, bringing the blanket with her and careful not to wake her sister up.

She saw the old balcony on her way to the baths, and even if there’s no more an old elven guide and the corridors are dark, she can find her way back with ease. The moon is shining up above between the canopies, and the corridors are large, easy to follow. She could maybe activate the magical lanterns that glows very dimly hanging from the ceilings, but on a second thought, she doesn’t know where the other elves sleep, here, and she doesn’t want to risk waking someone up and having to explain why exactly she’s walking around on her own. “I miss my boyfriend, but he believes I am the elven tool of the big plan of a deity I don’t believe in and so I can’t sleep” sounds too pitiful, and who knows whether they’ll approve of her being with a human.

She takes a couple of wrong turns, confused in the darkness, but in the end she finds the place she was looking for. The old pavement is broken, but bathed in moonlight, and even with the plenilune the stars are still shining, more than she can count. It’s beautiful and it’s terribly lonely, and Aisling wonders who was the last person that leaned into that balcony to see stars and enjoy the view. How many centuries passed, what were they thinking.

She curls in a corner, draping the blanket around her shoulders as she leans over the wall. One leg gets bent under the opposite knee, the other foot dwindling in the void. There’s a waterfall roaring nearby, an owl screeches somewhere in the distance, and a choir of crickets are there to lull her to sleep. The breeze is chilly, in spite of the day having been hot enough. It’s a perfect summer evening, and the stars are twinkling and she is not pretending anymore to be someone she isn’t, and she is alone.

Tears stars to fall, because she is not pretending to be someone or something that she isn’t, and the result is that she is alone. And Mythal, it feels like emerging from underwater, but keeping her breath has been so good and warm that she really thinks she could stay underwater forever.

It’s just tiredness making her think that way, she knows -she knows herself well-, the hour is very late and the day has been incredibly long, the choice she had to make a hard one, and one she doesn’t think was the right one. It’s everything, and it’s nothing, and she will feel a little better in the morning.

She lets the crickets and the owl lull her to sleep.

[sleepingfancies]

👕5 🌤3, 4 🤝7, 12, 17 💓6 for raphael??????? mayhaps????

HEH >=3 you've activated my trap card (talking abt my ocs for too long)

👕5. What are your characters opinions on scars?

A stupidly nuanced answer for a straightforward question, but that's just how Raphael is. For the most part, scars are flaws to him; signs of carelessness or recklessness. Scars from things like cat scratches, tripping on uneven ground and skinning a knee, blisters from repetitive motion - things a person can "control," he scoffs at. To Raphael, they should have either known their limits or simply been better at what they were doing. Purely accidental or surgical scars he's far more understanding about, and is even curious about them. He likes hearing the stories behind their existence, because it gives him greater understanding of the person. Scars on himself, though? He can't stand them. Even surgical scars he would hate vehemently. Permanent signs of his own mediocrity, in his perspective. They'd drive him insane. He'd do anything to cover them up or get rid of them. He'd be embarrassed by them, he would want no one to see them. Raphael would probably avoid something like surgery for as long as possible if he knew it would give him a scar.

🌤️3. What season would your character say they're most similar to?

Summer babyyyyy. The heat, the blazing sunlight, the rapid weather changes, the inevitability of it all. Summer is a strong hand grabbing you by the shoulder and saying "don't ignore me," and that's exactly who Raphael is. Summer storms are intense albeit short-lived, much like his own temper flares. Summer days are bright and warm, summer nights are gentle and lively. He identifies with all of these things! Frankly, he does know himself well enough to know he is as unpredictable and attention-demanding (and hot, in his not-so-humble opinion) as summer, anyway.

🌤️4. Is there a natural phenomenon that scares your character?

Raphael is not at all keen on tornadoes. Teothe is a relatively flat and low-lying country, with the coast to the east, the Nattenheim mountain border to the west, and the massive expanse of the Arboretum to the south. Because of its topogrophy, Teothe is extremely susceptible to tornado formation during summer thunderstorms. The idea that wind alone could destroy his home, kill his family, and overall destroy his life really scares Raphael quite a lot. Living away from home, when tornadoes do occur, he is in a constant state of worry and fear until he knows his siblings are alright (which, given how far away he is, could take weeks).

🤝7. Who is your character most honest with?

Again, a weirdly nuanced answer, because tbh Raphael has different definitions of "honest" when it comes to himself. Truthfully Raphael really only has three close friends, Mirabelle, Alizee, and Conall. Mirabelle is a coworker of his, and one of the few people who's seen Raphael at some serious low points. Mirabelle is the most acquainted with his worst impulses and behaviors. She knows how destructive he can get, and he's most honest with her about those tendencies. Alizee is Raphael's immediate younger sibling, and she knows how complicated his relationship can get with their family. She knows that he's different when he's at home, and she knows why things are tense between him and their mother. Raphael's most honest with her about the pressure of being an eldest sibling and what his childhood was like before her. Conall is (initially) a complete stranger, who has no clue who "Rikke the Savior"/"Rikke the Traitor" is, who barely speaks Teothean, and is mostly just deeply distressed that Teothean trees and spiders can't speak. Conall has no context for half the things that make Raphael want to gnaw on plastic. It takes a little time (but faster than Raphael would've expected), but Raphael becomes honest about a lot of his identity struggles with Conall. Although Conall doesn't know who Rikke is, he can relate to Raphael's general problem, since his own mother is quite the meance back in the Arboretum. So Mirabelle, Alizee, and Conall are all recipients of Raphael's honesty in their own unique ways. There is no one person whom Raphael trusts with being honest about every aspect of himself, though.

🤝12. How would your character react to being put in a position of leadership?

It's not ideal! He would much rather be a follower, since he's been the leader of his siblings for most of his life as it is. Stress would weigh down on him pretty hard. He also wouldn't want to be "threatened" with a leadership position forever (again). If he was put in a position where his leadership was indefinite, he wouldn't be able to separate leadership from his place as an eldest sibling. His leadership would turn condescending and far too familiar, and he'd likely receive pushback until he either snapped or simply quit. If a leadership position is being granted to him as a reward or as recognition, he'll accept it quicker than if it's because he's actually qualified to lead. He does occasionally place himself in leadership positions voluntarily, if he feels like the original leader isn't doing their job right/well anymore. Raphael is what you might call an "emergency leader." He'll follow until things start going chaotic or horribly wrong, and then he'll step in and start guiding, even though he doesn't actually want to be the leader. He usually has some choice words for failed leaders.

🤝17. How well does your character work with others?

Generally Raphael doesn't work well with others. To the above point, he has absolutely no patience for incompetence at work. Raphael will openly question methods and behaviors, challenge ideas, and argue strategic plans. His superiors at his job have all but removed him from fieldwork and reconaissance entirely, because he cannot help becoming combative if he feels his coworkers are being stupid, inefficient, or uncertain. It's a combination of his eldest sibling instincts and prioritizing how he does things, for better or worse. He's confident in his own personal ability to charmingly disarm others, so he finds more abrasive and blunt methods of talking to others irritating and unnecessary. He doesn't account well for how other people might operate, simply believing their ways of doing things aren't as good as his. He works best by himself, or with a small group of excellent communicators (which most of his coworkers are not).

💓6. How well does your character act under pressure?

Raphael functions well enough on the surface under pressure - he makes a good show of not being impacted by pressure at all, appearing very flippant and nonchalant. But in actuality the fear of failure is stifling. If he fails in general he kicks himself something fierce, but to fail under pressure, when expectations are high? When people trust him to do good work and succeed? Failing simply isn't an option. If he failed in front of others while under pressure, their disappointment would be so palpable he'd fly off the handle at the next person who asked anything of him. He never wants to be known as the guy who fumbled when it mattered most.

[sleepingfancies]

tagged by @springcatalyst thank uuuuu <3333 !!!

Pick 5 songs you think would be used for fancam videos if your OC was canon and tag 5 people.

Conall:

SoLie by Faouzia

How It Ends by Charlotte Lawrence

i'll take the blame by Vérité

Love Made Me Do It by Ellise

Alone Together by Fall Out Boy

tagging: @adelidae @runawaytaurus @inkcanaries @bluejaybytes @ashabellanars and anyone else who wants to !! as always no pressure <33

[sleepingfancies]

🗃, 📒, 📝: a paragraph from your most recent WIP plssss?

🗃 How many wips/projects are you currently writing?

I currently have three in major rotation! Godsbane, Arbor of the Wicked, and Deathbringers =) I also have Deep Echoes which is under development and construction, Chronicles of the Lost which has been on hiatus, A Thousand Shrouds also on hiatus, an unnamed historical fiction WIP, and an unnamed other WIP which I only have two characters for JSDHGSDG

📒 Do you have any favorite characters to write?

I LOVE writing for any of the Deathbringers squad (Mortimer, Daciana, Vidar, and Kadija) because they're just so full of personality and contradictions and they're insane. I do also enjoy writing for my main AotW trio (Conall, Sonya, and Ylena) because they have so many psychological problems the three of them collectively would make Hannibal Lecter nervous (joking).

📝: a paragraph from your most recent WIP plssss?

"It had been seventy-nine hours and twelve minutes since Vanda and Fane Cel Tradat had disappeared; the sixth and seventh members of the Steward Houses to vanish within the year. Daciana Cel Tradat had counted every minute since finding Fane’s shattered obsidian bracelet on the steps to the Steward District. She had scoured every winding road, narrow alleyway, and shadowed close since. Fane’s bracelet remained her only evidence."

[sleepingfancies]

☁️ 🌸 🍄 🌧? :-)

Hello hi oh my god hello friend ik am answering this 2 months late i am so sorry but i am here SOBS

☁️ WIP you want to write but haven't started yet: there's an idea rattling around in my head for a story centering on a duo stealing a historical record that would otherwise be destroyed, but I haven't gotten around to fully fleshing it out yet! It'd be super self indulgent of me as a history major tbh SKDJGHBSG but it'd be just a funny little self-amusing story =)

🌸 WIP you've been working on the longest: there's a WIP called Chronicles of the Lost that I started in high school! Originally it was about different systems of magic and one in particular being very powerful but very corrupting. Unfortunately the world swelled wayyy too big and the plot got incredibly unruly and convoluted, so it's been on hiatus basically ever since I graduated. I'd like to revisit it (and trim it down) someday though!!

🍄 Name a song that represents your mc: "Glass Piano" by Kathleen remains not only one of my favorite songs of all time but also the certified Conall Vellym anthem =) "Angry Too" by Lola Blanc likewise is the certified Ylena Tsezeren anthem. "Dark Side" by MISSY remains the certified Sonya Nachtnabel anthem. I'm obligated to mention the three of them all together bc they're joined at the hip as my Arbor of the Wicked mains <3

🌧 Book you hate: Pure vitriolic hatred award definitely goes to A Court of Thorns and Roses by S/J/M. I dislike plenty of books and some I'm like "come on, what were you thinking" about, but ACOTAR is the last book I can remember reading where I was genuinely Angry when I finished it. It wasn't just a book I'd never read again because I didn't like it, it was a book that will actively make me go "eugh" in disgust every time I see it.

[sleepingfancies]

🖊️casting a spell of tell me about jakrico 🪄 (also hidaya if you want)

Placed it under the cut for length!!

Jakrico Vellym spent a lot of time working behind the scenes to make his cousin's life better, as a child. He would spend his money on new toys, hiding them in Conall's room and acting surprised when Conall found them and excitedly showed them off. He helped Conall learn how to cook and bake, and he built the vine swing on Conall's balcony that remains there to this day. He neglected his own need for attention and care in order to provide for Conall, which eventually led to him being resigned to never receiving either. He felt that what he wanted or needed didn't matter, and never would, so he learned to not ask. It made him bitter, and prone to lashing out at a young age. Later on in life, the easiest target would become Conall.

When Nethya enlisted Jakrico in the Arboreal Legion, he swore he would only serve as long as he could save up enough money to take his cousin and move elsewhere, away from Nethya and Polke. But they were teenagers then; Conall spiralled hard and fast without his one and only friend by his side, and Jakrico found a new life among the Legion with people who didn't judge him for his family or his flaws. By the time he came back, they had both changed drastically. They fought often, both doing things to intentionally wound the other. But to this day, Jakrico's biggest regret is stealing Conall's then-boyfriend as revenge. It crossed a line and solidifed the change between them, and Jakrico felt the permanence of what he'd done the moment Conall found out. Their interactions tapered off completely after that.

At one point, Jakrico was in a serious relationship with a woman named Rella Behne from the Vein kingdom. He had been stationed there in response to (unfounded) Arboreal fears of an uprising and takeover. When his regiment was recalled from the Vein, she refused to go with him, having no desire to be subject to Arboreal scrutiny and hatred for her religion. Their involvement ended, but Jakrico never quite got over her. She never quite got over him, either, and asks after him when Conall visits the Vein capital. Conall has never told Jakrico that he met his cousin's would-be wife, and Rella has never asked that he tell Jakrico how she's doing.

Jakrico spends much of his free time alone these days. Feeling unable to spend time with Conall like he used to, and separated from his friends in the Legion, he does quite a bit of pottery making from stone imported from the mountains. An expensive habit, to be sure, but one that brings him peace of mind from the constant harassment of his own mistakes happening in his head. He also enjoys painting, and his favorite thing is waking up early to see the sun pierce through the canopy for the first time. He's painted that many, many times <3

---

Hidaya Ayad has forgotten her surname. It was among the many things that ceased to matter when she discovered that she could - however briefly - achieve the power and strength and ethereality of the Deeplings by injecting Deepwater directly into her bloodstream.

Hidaya was a citizen of Ehsan around 400 years ago. She lived outside of the titular city, on a rural farm within view of the city's magnificent silver walls. Her family was wealthy enough to teach their children to read, but too poor for most other 'luxuries' enjoyed by more lucrative tailors, smiths, and other tradesmen. She had two younger sisters, though she can no longer remember her immediate younger sister's name. She remembers that she hated her, though she can't remember why. She remembers her youngest sister as being "Amani, or maybe Anisah." She can't remember why her youngest sister remained more relevant to her memory than either of her parents.

Hidaya discovered the injection method out of necessity. While the Ehsan calamity did not bury more than the titular city itself, that alone was a massive swath of land, and much of the surrounding area fell beneath the earth, as well. Worse yet, the rest of the country was plagued by aftershocks and earthquakes unlike any they had ever seen before, for years afterwards. Hidaya and her family were caught in the chaos. Hidaya can't recall what happened to her family; only that she was separated from them as the ground opened during an earthquake, and she fell. She was fatally wounded, and only avoided death by bathing in Deepwater that had been displaced by the quake.

The power she experienced on Deepwater healed her, and for about three days, made her effectively immortal. She could phase in and out of reality, becoming mist and solid and liquid and back again. She could change her appearance, shift into animals, and faintly hear the racing thoughts of minds hundreds of miles away.

This show of power, naturally, caught the attention of the Deeplings. She has been working closely with Altair ever since, researching for him on ways to refine and collect Deepwater to better sustain the Deeplings over time. Her life is now reliant on the Deepwater, as 400 years will catch up to her quickly if she is separated from her supply for too long. She has become fixated on cheating death, and having a flawed, human memory has lended itself to gaps in her history as she has forgotten details of herself with time. Her proclivity for Deepwater research and her exact methods have earned her the title of "Bloodwitch," as Altair's champion.

Research is far from all she does, of course. She's quite skilled at playing the harp, and enjoys taking long nature walks. She hates open fields, though she would never admit she fears them. She feels they could too easily crack beneath her feet, as the earth isn't held together by a web of roots or cushioned by a lake. She also enjoys card games, even though she frequently cheats, and has endeared herself to the Deeplings by hosting rounds of Lady's Risk with them (a popular game in old Ehsan and something of a combination of poker and truth or dare; hardly ever played in modern day).

[sleepingfancies]

🖊 ooh, do it!!!!

Raphael Allard is the eldest child of five!! By quite a large margin too; his youngest sibling Laurent is only 11 at the time of the story, while Raphael is only a few months shy of being 24. He's the only one of his siblings who was born in Nattenheim, and he's spent most of his family life keeping cultural ties and traditions from Nattenheim alive among his younger siblings (especially braiding hair. People assume his younger sister Alizee taught him how to braid hair, but he taught all of his younger siblings as soon as their motor skills were good enough).

When his mother ran off to Teothe with his father after he was born, his uncle (on his maternal side) came with them. His uncle became ike a second father, and when he joined the Sentinels it was his uncle who volunteered to help him complete his trials (the third and final trial requires the sacrifice of someone beloved, as a show of loyalty to the order). It broke Raphael's heart, but joining the Sentinels meant a reliable and hefty paycheck for relatively risk-free work, and at the time, it was the kindest thing he could do for his family on the whole.

He has quite a complicated history of trying to figure out his own identity beyond being the co-caretaker and provider for his siblings. For awhile immediately after he first acquired independence he was a heartbreaker, finding entertainment in stringing men along and then dropping them flat. He gave that up in exchange for a valiant attempt at engaging in the Sentinels' more religious core after he joined, which he quickly dropped after finding he disagreed with most of the order's beliefs. After that, he settled on prioritizing his kind and caring instinct, but at the price of stifling a lot of his more intense emotions. It isn't until he leaves the Sentinels that he gets to grow into an identity he's proud of and content with, and is able to appreciate that he can be both kind and unyielding.

There's also quite a scandal awaiting him in Nattenheim when he returns, but he's very unaware of that until he gets there. It ends up being what really makes him spiral into an identity crisis and question much of what he believes and, at the end of the day, sets him on the path to growing stronger and prouder of who he is based off who he has made himself, and not as how he was born

[sleepingfancies]

48 72 & 96 for conall 👀

KSGBSDJFGBSJG ESSAY IMMINENT

48. How dramatic are they?

THIS IS HARD FOR ME TO DEFINE TBH... on one hand I want to say "he handles most things as best he can" but on the other hand... he tends to be a little. On the emotional/sensitive/dramatic side </3 for one thing he is Most Certainly an Extremely Jealous person, especially where his partners are concerned. He doesn't want to be possessive or weird about it, but he's deeply insecure and emotionally neglected, so he ends up being... A Handful sometimes, not always handling things well or maturely. On the whole, I think he is an exceptionally dramatic person - not necessarily in a catty or petty way, but in more of a "there's nothing, literally nothing, I won't do to keep this person around/keep their interest/make someone proud of me." Dramatic in a way that is very clearly driven by insecurity, fear, and desperation-fueled insanity.

72. How do they feel about love?

He has very complicated feelings about love. In a very basic sense, he doesn't really... know what it is?? That sounds so stupid but I'm not sure how else to put it. His mother was emotionally abusive and his father was absent, and his relationship with his cousin isn't exactly a model of healthy kinship. He never really had friends (without benefits/without transactional obligations) before he left the Arboretum, so it takes him a minute to even really figure out what Love (platonic or otherwise) is Supposed To or Should look like, as opposed to what he understands it to be like.

That said, he feels strongly about the concept that love is not a "one and done" thing, and that he can love his friends as strongly as he loves a partner. He would murder and steal and go to the ends of the earth for Raphael (once they get there), and he would do the same for Sonya, who is, has been, and always will be Just A Friend. He's deeply protective of the love he finds and establishes, and it would devastate him to lose a partner or a friend in equal measure.

There's a large part of Conall that feels like he doesn't deserve love like that; he wants it, badly, but he isn't sure what to do with a real, healthy love. Platonically, he feels like he has to prove he's still worthy of that love day to day. Romantically, he feels like he has to safeguard it and keep his partner's interest at all costs. It takes him a long time to unlearn the sort of neglect-and-abuse-carved mindset.

TL;DR: he feels strongly about love, but his feelings are complicated. At the end of the day, love of any kind is something he is starved for and unused to, so he gets a little Weird about receiving it.

96. What’s their sense of humour like? (Dad jokes, morbid humour, basic knock-knock jokes, stand up comedy, etc)

Initially extremely self-deprecating, which was learned from his mother. Once Conall is away from her, though, it starts to become his own thing, which is a sort of healthy mix of dirty jokes, bad puns, and friendly nagging. BY DIRTY JOKES I mean the extremely lame and eyeroll inducing kind, the "that's what he said" kind, the "buy me dinner first" kind. Conall is not a clever person, he isn't capable of coming up with witty retorts </3 but he Does enjoy making people absolutely exasperated with him. He's succeeded in making a joke if someone is telling him to shut up.

Another good example for friendly nagging is just like. Raphael for example has extremely long and thick hair, and once they're a bit Closer, Conall is prone to making "we have to keep you away from my home, every twig for a hundred miles will get stuck in your hair" type jokes. Not really malicious, not even really a Joke per se, but just a very light jest. A lot of times its reflective of his Closeness to that person - he likes to demonstrate that he Knows someone, he likes to prove they're Something, that they have a Relationship. More to prove it to himself than anything, but so it goes with him.

[sleepingfancies]

For the OC meme: 2, 5, 8, 12, 18, 24, 31, 41, 51, 55 & 80 (choose however many you want to answer!)

>=) A L L

(except for 2, but only because I answered it before this)

5. What’s their reputation like? Does this reputation contrast what they’re really like?

OC: MARCEL

Marcel has a reputation of being a prodigy; he's strong, he's smart, he's capable, he's a good leader. The people around to him look at him like one day he's gonna be Aslan or Aragorn or something; a great and honorable leader. He developed a reputation of a messiah, or a prophet, or maybe just someone Very Lucky (in canon, nobody is quite sure until Lune comes along and clarifies his Condition).

In reality, Marcel is an extremely haunted individual, and a dead man walking by the time the narrative starts. His father left his family in unimaginable debt (debt they now owe to the richest man in the country), and his mother gave her life to save his only a year or so before the narrative. He can't escape the legacy of his parents, and given the circumstances, he's only alive as long as the spirit he ate stays inside him. The stressed, erratic, haunted side of him doesn't really come to light properly until after he meets Conall.

8. What does their dream house look like?

OC: DACIANA

Oh, she'd love a beautiful little house on a mountainside. She knows practically it's better to live underground, but she adores mountain vistas - especially volcanic or formerly volcanic ones, where there are tons of wildflowers and lots of gorgeous trees. She loves gardening, so she would want to have lots of space to make a flower and vegetable and fruit garden, each with their own space. She'd like to have enough space to host parties, though; she loves hosting and mingling, so she'd have a few rooms specifically for that, and they could all sit in the garden and have dinner and tea and such.

12. What’s their position in their friend group? (leader, mom friend, chaos goblin, etc)

OC: CORVIN

Not quite the "dad friend," but more like the "cool uncle." Reon tries to reel him in every now and again, but given Teresa's situation, he's pretty insistent on keeping the levity for her. Corvin lets her drink, tells jokes with her, makes sure she's warm and cozy and such. He and Reon sort of adopt her, but Corvin is definitely the most personally invested in her wellbeing of any of her companions besides her childhood best friend; and tbh, he's kind of just Like That with everyone. He's the first to be the shoulder Magalie cries on, the first to volunteer to help Cosima find her missing research, etc. He's a genuinely good hearted man and wants to be there for his friends, in any way he can. And of course he has Reon's back through thick and thin, being both partners and Partners.

18. If you had to represent them with a flower, colour, and animal, what would you choose?

OC: YLENA

For a flower, I would say jasmine. Both because it's simple and beautiful, and because it signifies elegance, grace, and nobility. For a color, definitely a rosy/blush pink. Pink is her favorite color in canon, and it suits her personality as a sensitive, feminine person. For an animal, though, I would say some kind of shark; maybe a mako. She's not harmless by any means, but she prefers Not to inflict harm on people. She can, but she chooses not to.

24. Are they a fussy eater?

OC: KAYAN

Absolutely. Deep Water tends to fuck with your physiology most of the time anyway, so Kayan's taste buds might not be as functional as they used to be, but even when he was little he was a fussy eater. He generally doesn't like meat at all, and doesn't like Wet food much (the man absolutely despises any kind of soup or stew). He generally eats greens; vegetables and fruits, and concoctions of the two, occasionally combined with Lean meat like turkey or chicken.

31. What holiday do they like the most? (Christmas, Easter, Valentine’s Day, etc)

OC: MYSIE

Mysie is new to worldly holidays, to say the least, but in canon she VERY much enjoys the Christmas season. It's exciting, and while she doesn't really understand it, she's fascinated by the communal agreement on this strange practice. Religion is more or less lost on her, but she finds a lot of comfort and familiarity in the hymns of Christmas choirs in town. Singing is something she is well accustomed to, and her people (selkies, for context) do it daily, and loudly. It's also around the time she and Caoimhe first kiss, so it's a special time for her in general, and she remembers it fondly.

41. What would they dress up as for Halloween?

OC: CONALL

A pirate or a vampire. He's far too susceptible to the allure of homoeroticism via swordplay or neck biting. I can't stop him.

51. Why would they be a BAD partner for a road trip?

OC: RAPHAEL

He'd say he'll be the guy with Google Maps guiding you, but then he'd be so distracted looking out the window daydreaming that he'd miss a turn. He'd offer to drive and let you have a break, but then halfway through his shift you find out his license expired a year ago and you all could go to jail if the police catch him driving. He'd book the cheapest hotel rooms possible, which means he'd end up sleeping on the floor or in a shitty foldout bed, and then he'd groan about how his back hurts. He'd be worried about the budget the entire time. He'd be incapable of not scrutinizing the hotel rooms for bed bugs and pests before settling in. He wouldn't be impressed with any of the whacky sight-seeing places, except for national parks. He'd take 2 hours every morning just to get ready to go because he insists on doing his skin and hair routine every day. By day 3 out of 7 he'd start talking about how he can't wait to get home and take a long bath.

55. Choose a vine you think perfectly encapsulates their character.

OC: TERESA

"Road work ahead? Uhh YEAHHH, I sure hope it does!"

80. What’s their aesthetic sense like?

OC: ARION

He has such an interesting aesthetic because he's actually Extremely fascinated by the arcane despite being completely unable to do any arcane arts (not because it isn't possible - as long as you can drink Deep Water, you can do magic. But he took an oath not to). He's also extremely fascinated with the macabre, leading to a lot of gothic influences in his aesthetic. If he were a part of real life, he would be obsessed with Victorian Era architecture and dress and lifestyle. He loves dark colors and rich fabrics. It's honestly funny because his aesthetic contrasts so wildly with his golden retriever type sweet/gentle/humorous personality.

[sleepingfancies]

For the OC asks: 2, 11, 22

Answer about your gayest OC

(I picked the top three Gayest OCs across WIPS <3)

2. What are their favourite possessions? Why? (sentimentality, history, price, etc)

OC: ZUHA

Her favorite possession is probably her mechanical spear <3 it's a personalized weapon gifted to her by her stepfather, after she was promoted and knighted to position of Commander by her mother. She didn't really feel strongly about it one way or the other Before, besides it being a cool gift from her cool stepdad, but since she woke up it's sort of been the one thing keeping her feet on the ground. It ties her to a place and a time and an identity, even if none of those things tangibly exist anymore. It also functions as a good channel for her in a lot of ways, and in the moments where she wants to make Hidaya her identity, her spear is the only reminder that neither of them belong here anymore, and that being out of time together won't make things better.

11. What is their dream pet?

OC: VIDAR

Vidar badly, badly wants a zavkoy, which in canon is a type of horse that hails from his homeland. It hangs out in foggy moors, wetlands, and by lakesides. It often feigns illness or injury to lure predators, and then ambushes them and eats them, itself. Sharp teeth, ethereal body (can fade at will between a solid and a gas, yknow, as horses do). They're notoriously difficult to catch (for obvious reasons), much less ride, but on the rare occasion when they've been caught and ridden, they seem somewhat impressed by their own capture, and end up quite loyal to their rider. There's no practical use for one, especially not for Vidar, but he wants one just to say the weird shadowy cloud following him around is actually his horse. If he had one, he would name it Oakley.

22. What’s their silliest or most unusual fear/phobia?

OC: SONYA

Sonya is absolutely terrified of any substantial body of water (even small ponds). This is generally more about her fear of drowning, which is also based on her childhood experience of nearly getting drowned by another kid. She won't go anywhere near a river or a lake if she can help it, which is part of why she went and got herself a flying mode of transportation with Dimitri. She will absolutely have nothing to do with the ocean, and although she's never seen it, I'm confident she would become physically ill if she went anywhere near it.

[sleepingfancies]

Bioluminescent deer........ blind squirrels..... wolves with lures like angler fish......

[sleepingfancies]

6, 32, 33, 34, & 45 if you pleaasseee

Single or multiple POV?

I tend to lean towards multiple POV! I find it easier to tell the full scope of my story through multiple people’s eyes, and I usually have multiple ideas for different plots all coming together, and I like to see the results of those different ideas meshing with wildly different characters. It’s kinda like baking a cake!

Most difficult character to write?

In general, I’d say any character that’s selfish/apathetic. It’s hard for me to write those types of people without them coming across cartoonish, because they’re just so wildly different from myself. In specific, Marcel de Guerre from my current WIP titled Arbor of the Wicked. For the aforementioned reasons, but also because I gave him a lot of complexity that I don’t want to come off the wrong way. He’s the kind of character tumblr would have a fucking field day with, and it’s hard to find a balance between the two extremes people would apply to him (sweet misunderstood prince vs. evil sadistic irredeemable villain).

Have you ever killed a main character?

Yep! Three times now I’ve killed a POV character. I’ve also never brought a dead character back, because I think that’s cheap and lowers the stakes beyond repair. So when my characters die, they’re dead dead. Rip to a lot of characters from my WIP Chronicles of the Lost.

What’s the hardest scene you ever had to write?

The ending scene of any of my WIPs. By the time I get there, it feels like parting with family, and I don’t want things to end. It’s like watching my kids go off to college. I dunno what’s gonna happen in their lives after this, I dunno if they’ll ever come back to stay again, it’s all up in the air, but I watched them grow through a very long and difficult period in their lives. I always put off writing the ending.

How much worldbuilding do you do?

I’d do much more if my leg weren’t currently busted - generally, I like to make a map for my worlds. Sometimes they’re extremely large, in the case of Chronicles of the Lost, where it is the entire planet on display. Sometimes it’s just one continent, int he case of Arbor of the Wicked. Sometimes it’s a small-scale scattering of cities, in the case of A Thousand Shrouds. But I like having the map to refer to for environment biomes, ocean crossings, land travel, cultural relations, trade, all things like that.

[sleepingfancies]

Spoiler

This is ANCIENT and I am so sorry I didn’t see it before, tumblr likes to not notify me of messages sometimes. Sorry!!!

Spoiler: send me ‘spoiler’ and I’ll tell you something that happens in my current WIP.

Ylena’s curse is broken after she uses her power to burn Solvuna’s brands off of afflicted people, and murders her father.

[sleepingfancies]

30, 40 and 48 ✌️✌️✌️

Favorite idea you haven’t started on yet?

That would be my idea for a WIP titled Godsbane. I haven’t wrote a single chapter yet, and I have some reservations about the idea, but I like the characters I’ve made for it. Essentially, it’s about challenging the concept that change can be achieved by one single person who receives all the credit. There are risks and dangers to considering one person the sole source of progress, and progress itself is stronger when led by the masses.

Share some backstory for one of your characters.

From my WIP titled A Thousand Shrouds, my character Marisol Haronvek comes from people who are famously known for their (believed extinct) magical abilities. She’s a pyromaniac, and for the majority of the story believes her hidden magical ability involves some kind of connection to fire (spoiler: it’s not, she just loves fire). She grew up being told not to challenge the status quo because the Alvaros (the ruling class family) were dangerous, and had no qualms about killing those who spoke out against them. But Marisol watched her sister Catalina suffer as a maid to the Alvaro family, and decided when she was 12 that she would use her ‘connection’ to fire to bring havoc to the Alvaros.

What’s the most self-insert character/scene you’ve ever written?

This is exposing me SO bad but a couple of friends can attest to this -- by and far, my character Conall Vellym from my WIP Arbor of the Wicked. He’s a young man with a very gentle soul, who’s a sensitive, anxious dumbass with a few very self destructive and self sabotaging habits. He’s been manipulated by his mother in such a way that he will do anything for her attention and validation (thankfully, my relationship with my mother is not the model for this). He has a shockingly brutal temper when pushed, which is a direct result of emotional abuse trauma. Throughout the story he desperately clings to any manner of validation he can find, all while believing he is entirely unlovable (my insecurities say hello). His whole arc is essentially a journey to figuring out that his kind heart is not a weakness, that he is not unwanted, and that he is not to blame for the instances where someone who should’ve loved him unconditionally, never did. These are things I wish someone had told me in my lower moments, when my insecurities overwhelmed me and I believed there was no one in the world who valued me, or would choose me over somebody else. My friends can vouch for my own sensitivity and dumbassery, and quite frankly how Conall responds to trauma is an exact mirror of my own trauma responses, whereas the other POV characters respond quite differently from how I would. If I were less shy and puritan, I’m absolutely positive his self destructive habits would be mine, as well. I’m honestly not ashamed of him, though. As far as self-inserts go, I think he turned out alright.

[sleepingfancies]

Hey! Just found out that you are a writer (I'm so stupid lol I've been following for a while but I just found out). Could you tell me the name of your book/WIP? I want to read them when they come out

ty and have a great day

Awww thank you so much for this!!! Honestly it's still very much up in the air whether any of this will ever be published AKXJXHFJF but I have several WIPs at the moment.

On my wattpad account (same @, sleepingfancies) I have my WIP 'By the Lantern' going! It's a historical fiction lgbtq+ story about a mama selkie losing her skin. I haven't updated it in a sinfully long time but I've been steadily working my way through the next bit!

Beyond that, my other WIPs are 'Arbor of the Wicked,' 'A Thousand Shrouds,' 'Chronicles of the Lost,' 'Deep Echoes,' and 'Godsbane' 👉👈 you might've seen some tags referencing any of those around in nature/fashion/aesthetic photos that might've popped up around here!

You're more than welcome to shoot me an ask about any of them btw! I'm always more than happy to expand on stuff 👀 thank u again for sending this!!! 💕💕