#personally it can never be ‘clean’ to me i have too many negative experiences with it

[overtaken-stream]

α!Gagamaru Gin x Gn! β!Reader headcanon

Omegaverse is my guilty pleasure don't @ me.

Warnings: Gagamaru is a bit weird, Silly even(he's insane)

There is always that distinctive scent lingering on you, the smell that you try to explain but your vague ability stops you from pointing it out precisely. It must be strong if your nose can pick it out. So misty, cold, and incredibly familiar. No matter how many times you wash the school uniform and scrub your skin red, it comes back the next day, at what time you can never point it out, however, it's evident that it's from school.

Gin is all-natural through and through (except when it comes to his hair), and the perfumes often irritate his sensitive nose, same with sweet-smelling shampoos and body wash, he believes that they are artificial smells that stain people's true character, he has also found that those who use fake odors have many insecurities to hide, be it their second gender or their natural aroma is an unfavored one in society, it does not bother him, but he has never favored deceit. Gin believes that his smell is quite pleasant, probably influenced by all the time he and his family spent hiking when he was a pup. It reminds him of the scent of rain, petrichor was what the doctor called it when he presented. A compliment that his brain only remembered because of the correct adjective used to describe his recently discovered asset.

He remembers it all too well, the overwhelming mix of raw and false fragrances in his middle school class, packed in a classroom with no windows open. He couldn't help the scrunched nose showing on his face every day, trying to find clean air to breathe without the biological chemicals burning off his nose, for the first time in his life, Gin could clearly express his emotion all thanks to newly flowered instincts and his personal preference. It was a shame it had to be distaste. As a pup, he dreamed of having long limbs to hike with, cross the rivers, and climb on rocks without his father helping him, but if this is what it's like to be a grown-up, smelling all the smelly smells that smell bad or good, he would rather be a pup forever.

His keen hearing and eyesight are no match for his sense of smell, but now he could pick out his parent's residual odor on the school campus, hours after they've left.

Maybe it was his bias that made him favor Betas more than Omegas and Alphas, the natural and soft undertones in a society full of suffocating chemicals were liberating for Gin.

His nose was able to smell the uplifting aroma that you contained, weaker than ever hidden behind countless scents. It stayed like that between you and Gin, him enjoying your smell from the other side of the classroom while you took notes and never glanced in his direction, your nose is weaker than others, never truly being able to sense the intense pheromones swirling around.

His communication is not the best, however, he does not care enough to improve it anymore. Some view his nonchalant attitude and simple words as a negative trait. He wonders what you will think of it.

With a bag tossed over your shoulder, you stroll the chilly hallways, getting closer and closer to your destination. But just as you are about to grab ahold of the handle to open the door to the classroom, it harshly unlocks itself. An unexpected occurrence makes you softly jump on your feet before even noticing the figure standing on the other side, staring down at you with a curious tint in his round eyes, he casts a shadow on you.

``Oh I'm sorry, I didn't expect anyone...`` He says.

``It's okay...`` There is not a lot to say about him, even if you are his classmate, you don't know much about him and are not planning on knowing. As you make room for him to pass, you can feel his shoulder press against yours before he finally frees the entrance and walks away from the class. It was a confusing experience, but nothing to note of.

Gin figures that his favorite activity is scenting, his mother and his father were the first people he tried to scent, and kept their scent on him as an eleven-year-old pup up til the last year of middle school.

He is aware that leaving his pheromones on your clothes isn't the best strategy, but neither is leaving his scent on your skin while knowing nothing of you. He hopes that maybe he can change that, perhaps you will recognize that the cold smell comes from him.

Gin is a person who listens to his instincts, it's a skill needed for his beloved hobbies, however lately as you come to school without his scent, the active feeling of annoyance is hard to miss, he wants nothing but to drag you into his bed and cover you with himself, until your nose smells nothing but him on you the whole week, til someone can't differentiate Gagmaru from you. Gin wants nothing but to become one with you in those mornings. It's a shame he can only touch a part of you "accidentally" for it.

He wonders if his scent ever comforts you.

Gin will always find a way to scent you no matter what, so you might as well stop trying to clean it and start seeking him out since he is the only one whose scent matches with the one clinging to you.

The nonchalant alpha has never taken any bait thrown his way, so when his classmates start looking judgemental of his actions, Gin never remembers their words, he has already answered them once and Gagamarus don't like repeating themselves.

Maybe that's how you got to the bottom of your situation, rumors and rude words about him flying through the school until they finally got mingled with your name. So that's all he had to do to make you approach him? Hmh.

You speak so calmly when he left no roundabout way for you and made you go straight to the point.

You ask him to stop scenting you?

He likes you, maybe even loves you.

You don't believe in love at sight?

That's okay, he'll make you believe it.

The next day he puts his plan to work and brings only the best snacks for you to enjoy during lunch. Try to be nice after all, it's his first time courting someone.

[balkanradfem]

About your experience with that other woman, I'm sorry and that is heartbreaking. But, if that is of any consolation, I had similar. I used to have that personality type, typical slavic woman, I could not speak about myself, and was only giving and giving to others, and I was extra serious about relationships, wanting to make it as in legends, with greatest honesty. And I also would apologize forever, if someone was slightly unhappy with me or not responsive, I would forever think what did I say wrong, why did it change, they focused so much on me, and now not. I burned many times so that personality of mine naturally changed though pain haha but I still do not like it when someone pays too much attention on me either.

But, about that woman, I had similar friend. Whenever I approached her, to invite her somewhere, she would always be happy and very excitedly agree and be proactive. But then the day before meeting or on the day of meeting, she would write something akin to 'something came up, I can't' . And also would tell me the details of what came up, usually list of family issues or sickness, so I would instead of being frustrated, of course, empathic towards her, sorry for her, and write her words of support. Well that continued for some time, but I noticed a pattern after a while, and then asked her why is that happening. And got reply along the lines that she is absolutely fed up with me, cutting me out of her life forever, bc I bring only negativity and she's tired and wants to clean her life of me for fresh positive energy, all that guru stuff you know. Personally I think it was often backwards, I empathically listened to many of her scary family stories, but it's also true I was then massive walking trauma after abuse. But I was never figure out, why, if she disliked me, she never said 'no, i dont want to go' or gone though that mysterious ritual of wasting my time. I put it on some of her unability to say no, masking due to trauma or similar, but I was still quite hurt by that. And that last time was the only time she ever showed me anything that was not excitement and support, so I gained many trust issues that someone might act that way and it would be all fake and she secretely hates me, bc from her last email it seemed like she hated me whole time. And I always felt that something is wrong, but she always had excuses that lulled my feeling of wrong. So currently I also feel that she wasted my time majorly. I had some few similar experience where other woman just kept feeling me few kind words or few promises, just like men do, to keep me foggy enough and to keep up my hopes enough that , despite never getting reciprocation to resources I invest, I would still keep investing. And then the cutting me out always was sudden, sometimes with raging email like that, sometimes with just sudden cutting off without any explation, sometimes with mutual friends whispering reasons. I have no idea why women do that, I feel that if you have any respect for other woman, you do not do that. I had experiences where I was cutting off others from my life, or explaining we can't connect or talk, but I always explain it clearly as I can (unless they scare me) and without ranting in something that would hurt them, and I do not accept anything from other person in such case either.

So, if that is any consolation, here is my story. since my habit is just giving others similar stories of mine, to show that is it common social issue, or in hopes it gives insights from similar type of experience. personal is political and all that.

Yes I can see the exact same pattern in your story, you are so right about this! It's not that mysterious.

She first created fake expectations 'I will go with you to an event and we'll have a great time', so you'd have something to look forward to together with her, and then when she'd fail you, she looked for empathy from you. I think a big part of why she was your friend was this exact empathy, and cancelling the event gave her a convenient excuse to go on and on about the stuff that was bothering her, so it didn't feel like she was 'unloading all that on you for no reason', she 'needed to explain to you why she failed your expectations'.

The pattern was working perfectly for her while she had your attention, empathy, and eagerness to invite her, enabling her to go on with this, but once you caught on, she realized she could no longer do it, and the scam was ruined. It's insidious how some people can do that, I do not understand, and her behaviour is gross to me.

There's an alternative route of being someone's friend, offering and giving empathy naturally, sharing your struggles without some weird fake expectations or excuse for failing them, this is just such dishonest and weird behaviour. I'm so sorry anon that you were put trough this, and good on you for noticing and pointing it out! I believe those people don't want to be accountable for anything they do, so when you even point it out, they just lash out in rage and try to hurt you as much as possible so you'd never call them out again, or just completely cut you off, when you've done nothing wrong, only caught onto them.

I'm sorry also that you had that slavic woman experience, I didn't know it was a common one! I thought I talked about myself a lot since I have a whole blog where I share my little stories and adventures, but I guess in private with people I'm much more reserved and assume that nobody wants to know all that hahaha. So sad our personalities have to change just for self preservation, I do believe there's nothing inherently wrong with us, we are just too conscious of everyone's needs and people exploit it.

[cowboybrunch]

writerblr interview tag!

thank you for the tags @tragedycoded (here) @sableglass (here) and @saturnine-saturneight (here) <3 ive been meaning to get to this one for a minute sooo let's get into it

Short stories, novels, or poems?

i started with poetry, so it has a special place in my heart. all of my short stories turn into beasts. is it a cop out answer to say all of the above?

What genre do you prefer reading?

it'd be easier to list what genres i don't like. when i say ill read anything, i mean ill read anything. lately i've been on a sci fi kick (thanks Pierce Brown) but i love a good modern trashy romance as much as the next guy (i read the booktok sludge so you dont have to!) im not really a nonfiction guy but hey, if anyone has some recs, ill give em a shot

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

def NOT a planner. usually when i start writing i have a vague idea of where we start and where we need to end up, but what happens along the way is a surprise for everyone involved

What music do you listen to while writing?

SILENCE. sometimes white noise. i cant focus with music, brain gets jumbled

Favorite books/movies?

of all time? oh god for books, probably This Is How You Lose the Time War or The Song of Achilles but The Locked Tomb series is def up there. not a novel but i've read Bluets by Maggie Nelson so many times i probably have it memorized by now favorite movie is Zoolander, easy answer. that movie owns. i can watch it on repeat and ill never get sick of it

Any current WIPs?

Dust to Dust is still alive but im taking a bit of a hiatus before hopping into the final bit (tag is here if you wanna see me ramble about it) Felix Wonder is the fun time brain break WIP of choice currently and im working on draft 3 of Burden of the Reluctant Death (we will get to the ending this time. we will)

Create a character description of yourself: 

Elusive, or pretends to be. Too much energy in too small a body. Refuses to sit properly in a chair. Prone to fits of melancholy remedied by sunlight. Easily excitable, but fussy. Same outfit every day: big sweater, little pants, fuzzy socks. Nails bitten bloody but at least her hair is clean (if a bit too long for summer)

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

i could say no but that would make me a liar

Are you kill happy with your characters?

i was gonna make a joke but it would be spoilers soo. i write about grief. no way everyone makes it out alive

Coffee or Tea while writing?

coffee. i dont like tea (sorry sorry!)

Slow or fast writer?

im very much a burst writer so. flood or drought, no in between. lately i'd say SLOW but im just waiting for that spark u get me?

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

this really isnt fantasy but i feel like i was destined to be the kind, slightly off-putting maintenance man in a haunted apartment building that says cryptic things like "don't take the east elevator on a full moon" and "the air conditioning has made that noise since the fire in 12B"

Most fav book cliche:

yea there's only one bed and ill eat it up every single time!!! also: "i didnt know where else to go" or basically any overdone romance trope you can think of. im here for it

Least favorite cliche:

if there's a cliche that i dont like, i havent found it yet

Favorite scene to write?

confession scenes of any kind! scenes where the big tough character breaks down. any kind of emotional revelation, positive or negative

Reason for writing?

words in head, need words out of head ok ok fine, serious answer. i feel like writing is both asking and answering the question, "have you felt like this before? has anyone ever felt like this before? am i alone?" and it's proof that you're not the first and only person to ever experience the things you're experiencing. even this made up guy in this pretend world understands rage and despair and joy and grief and love. the source is different but the result is the same. human connection, man. love it and! it's fun. im having fun

tag!!

@knightinbatteredarmor @friendlesscat @tildeathiwillwrite @glassonthewall @illarian-rambling

@mysticstarlightduck @dyrewrites @sarandipitywrites @oliolioxenfreewrites @xenascribbles

[heretherebedork]

Genuinely asking for your opinion and thoughts, no judgement on any side, just curious :}

What is the difference to you between Mut and Ming as characters re: no means no?

I have the feeling that "breaks into Rak's room" translated differently to me than it did to others. Of course Mut has a spare set of keys, even outside of the ones that were meant for Rak. He's the house keeper/tour guide/island native/butler and was directly told by his temp boss to take care of Rak, which assumes things like tidying the room, providing meals, and giving him experiences that he can only get in that specific place. Rak is a Mess and everyone loves him despite it, including the trash on the floor that someone has to clean, because it surely isn't going to be him. He's begging for love he doesn't believe he deserves, but he doesn't know how to ask for it without cutting the other person. Mut is begging to love someone but doesn't know how to do it and is so used to being cut it feels normal.

Ming also has and continues to ignore every time Joe says "I don't want to do that" but pushes because he knows that Joe is his and his alone, despite what Joe actually says with his mouth. Ming is begging for love he doesn't believe he deserves, but he doesn't know how to ask for it without cutting the other person. Joe is begging to love someone but doesn't know how to do it and is so used to being cut it feels normal.

Tbf, I have not watched ep3 of Love Sea yet, so I haven't seen the "ok I respect your boundary now, wait- actually, no I don't" moment, but that does seem to be the same beat between Ming and Joe during the last episode during the crosswalk scene.

The answer to that is how the show treats them!

My Stand in fully embraces that Ming is being toxic and doing negative things and hurting Joe and being a very bad example who has to make up and change his choices. My Stand In is clear that Ming is not being romantic when he does it but rather deeply fucked up. The show says 'hey, this guy is damaged and in love and hurt and he is going to hurt Joe and he is going to do things wrong and people are going to die because of him and his growth is spiky and hard and rough' and I love that.

I have been clear, so many times, that I don't mind toxic characters/relationships as long as the show is clear that they are toxic!

You can say that Mut was supposed to clean up after Rak the whole time but he deliberately did not give him the key that he obviously planned to give him in order to break into the room when he was there and do what he did. This was his duty but it was also meant to be a prank and to be annoy him and the show is clear that this is all romantic.

Mut made a fucking no means no joke. Rak said "I don't want to go, no!" and even had to go into serious insults in the hopes of getting listened to and then got completely ignored and the show said 'this is so romantic!!!! ignoring his no is romantic!"

Every time Ming ignores Joe's no... the show almost invariably says 'this is fucked up, do you see that!?' or has Joe, very clearly, outline how he is hurt by Ming's choices and how much he is suffering. Joe's suffering is never questioned. We know that what Ming is going to Joe is wrong and painful and that it comes from a place of being deeply fucked up.

Everything Mut does is painted as romantic. I mean, for fuck's sake, Rak apologizes to him at the beach and Mut never has to apologize for ignoring his no or even consider that maybe it's not a good choice.

Again, a literal joke about no means no.

Are they similar? Sure. But the show itself has painted Mut has basically a perfect character, this hero of the island and the ocean who is actually just SO big hearted and SO sweet and SO loving that he just can't let Rak say no to him ;.; oh no! he's TOO PERFECT to say no to. Ming? We're all CHEERING when Joe says no and pushes him away because we know that Ming is fucked up and we know he loves Joe but we also know that he's damaged and going to keep hurting him and it's so hard to watch even knowing how much he loves him and how much he wants this because we know that he's struggling with his own inner demons.

Anyway, there ya go. I had this same thing with KP and SCOY once and I stand by the same logic. The show's approach to what they do is what matters the most to me and My Stand In shows that Ming is toxic but trying to grow while Love Sea says that Mut is already perfect and Rak is the one who needs to stop saying no. Very, very different.

[randonauticrap]

A Letter to Myself ~ Chapter 1

Series Description: A 1st person POV Isekai Ikemen Prince adventure told by me, your narrator. Not all true stories are believable, and not all true stories are real. I have changed my name and the names of anyone who inspired these characters.

Chapter Description: Liliana goes to sleep after another disappointing experience with love, and wakes up inside a very strange dream.

Chapter Title: Dream Truths

Triggers: Negative self talk; vague mention of fatphobia

There are few things in this world I love more than singing, sleeping, and daydreaming. They’re the three things that can always reset my anxious mind, and push out all forms of mental clutter, if only long enough for me to focus on the task at hand. That particular evening, the task at hand was wishing that my situationship (who, after I admitted I had feelings for earlier that day, told me he didn’t actually feel that way about me, and saw me only as a friend) had instead been one of the dashing princes in my favorite otome game. I think everyone could agree that they would never. But the quiet of the night threatened to envelop me nonetheless; this wasn’t the first time I’ve been fooled by pretty words and flirtatious kindness. It wasn’t even the second or third, and I’ve begun to wonder who the real problem is. Am I simply misinterpreting this behavior? Was my perception truly that terrible? I didn’t think so, since I could usually nail down just about anyone I met: what their struggles were, why they acted the way they did, and so on and so forth. In fact, it was one of the things I was known for in my friend circles - being a mind reader. 

But for some reason, when love was involved, my radar was off; or broken; or just flat out missing altogether. It was something I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember; to be loved the way I love, but fate seemed to stand against me in that regard. What if I just wasn't meant to have my own love story? My heart clenched at the thought that plagued me over and over. It was no mystery that my body type was not one that was so popularly celebrated in many circles, and I'd experienced my fair share of backlash over it through the years. And while, thankfully, many women in this day and age were standing up and speaking out about it, I still received far too many judgmental eyes on me when I dared to eat in public; didn't matter if it was 4pm and it was the first thing I'd eaten since I woke up at 7am. 

So it should come as no surprise that the little voice in my head - that damn goblin - often added "overweight" to the list of qualities that left men… wanting, in regards to myself. But the laundry list was miles long by now, and not even the newest Whirlpool could scrub it clean. Besides, who could afford that much laundry detergent? Certainly not me. Not in this economy. 

Usually, I could stir up some comforting scenario with the handsome first prince and lull myself to sleep in his imaginary arms, but the trick wasn't working tonight. God, of course it wasn't. I had to be up in around 4 hours to go to rehearsal, and sleep had been evading me almost as much as men did. "Is sleep a man?" I pondered aloud to my quiet bedroom. "Would make a hell of a lot of sense." I grumbled under my breath as I reached for the Melatonin gummies on my nightstand. I popped two in my mouth and chewed begrudgingly until the almost-fruit tang flavor was gone from my mouth, then let my head fall unceremoniously back onto my pillow with a dull thud. 

Now my neck hurts. Of course it does.

I tossed and turned for awhile longer, praying the Melatonin would do its work, and at last, I felt the gentle tug of sleep calling the deep recesses of my brain. Thank God, now I can go see Jin. It was the last coherent thought I had before diving under, my subconscious brain taking over, my desires in tow. 

…

…..

…….

Birds. 

I was hearing birds. Is this a dream? Those birds don't sound like the birds outside my window normally do. Those sound like… what the hell is that? A weed wacker? It isn't Friday. Is it? This has to be a dream, there's no way I missed two days; I've slept for long periods of time, but never 48 hours straight, long. That's like, coma long. God, I hope I haven't peed the bed. 

I cracked one eye open slowly, noting the lack of crust around it. Thank God, I'm finally re-hydrated. I'd been dehydrated for pretty much my entire life, through no one's fault but my own, and I'd always wanted to be one of those girls who could tote around a cute water bottle the size of a milk jug and drink it all in one day. But alas, God had other plans when he made me. Maybe he was distracted, I don't know. But I had been trying to take better care of myself lately, so I guess it finally paid off! Hopefully this means no more headaches, and-

I opened my other eye to stare up at my ceiling. I wonder what ti- wait. "M'kaaaay, maybe I do have eye crust." I mumbled, rubbing my eyes with my index fingers. Cause that's not my ceiling. Have I gone blind? Oh God, am I blind?

I opened my eyes again and flicked my gaze around the room quickly. Okay, not blind. A relieved sigh petered out of my lungs, but it only lasted a second before I cast my eyes around the room again, in earnest this time. This is not my room. My head swiveled left; right; left again. Okay, so I'm dreaming. Damn it, I probably still have eye crust. I shook my head in disappointment as I sat up in bed. The room I was in was small; tiny, even in comparison to mine, which was saying something. There was a single painting on the wall perpendicular to my right, hung precariously on the dusty beige wall. It looked like a lush green forest with a river running through the center. Pretty. 

My eyes continued their journey right and landed on a small, rustic looking side table with an oil lamp on it, along with a well-worn book. On impulse, I picked up the book and stroked its spine while I read the words on the cover. "Liliana's Adventures" Funny. That's my name. Could my brain really not come up with anything better than this for a title? Jeez, and I call myself a writer. A sound between a scoff and a laugh escaped my lips as I set the book back down on the side table and turned my head to the left. 

There was a small table with two rickety wooden chairs and what looked like a sewing project neatly folded on the tabletop. Okay, is my brain trying to tell me to pick up a new hobby or something, or did I watch too much Lord of the Rings last night? I noticed that there was a simple mirror on the wall across from me that reflected the bland beige wall above my head, the door to the tiny room, and a single window, notched in the downward slope of the ceiling to my left. I didn't understand. Why did my subconscious bring me here of all places? And where even is here? I mean, it has to be a dream. I just "woke up" and the inside of my mouth doesn't even feel gross, and there's no way that's real. 

I pulled myself out of the small, stiff bed and padded over to the window, my feet bare on the chilly wooden panels. The most beautiful garden I had ever seen in my life sprawled out before my eyes way down below. Bursts of yellow, white, pink, and red lined a maze of pathways through the middle, and showcased the gorgeous flowers in bloom. Most of them looked like roses. Wow… now I understand the weed wacker. 

I could get lost tracing each walkway with my eyes, and apparently I did, because I didn't hear the angry footsteps stomping up to the door of my room until it burst open and an irate woman screeched through it. "Leisel, quit your dawdling, we are due in the kitchen in five minutes!" The door slammed shut just as suddenly as it had opened and I jumped hard, nearly knocking my head on the sloped ceiling in the process.  "Who the hell is Leisel?"

~

Tags for the Lovelies: @aquagirl1978 @rhodolitesroseforclavis @ikehoe @queengiuliettafirstlady @maries-gallery @nightghoul381 @judejazza @xbalayage @kissmetwicekissmedeadly @alvieeru @aria-chikage @tele86

[bananonbinary]

Bee person dropping in to divulge some of the Secret Lore - there's about 20000 bee species, most of which (~85%) are solitary, meaning they live their entire life on their own. Most of these species are far less aggressive and territorial since it doesn't pay off for them to die in defense of their nest if they can just make a new one instead and still have at least a couple offspring. They're also much more vulnerable to the negative effects of climate change, pesticides, and loss of floral resources and habitats than a lot of social bees because they don't have a bunch of siblings to do teamwork with, so if the going gets tough for them, they have to go it alone - so they're especially dependent on us getting our shit together.

On a less depressing note, for anyone who wants to see some cool pictures of non-honeybee-looking bees, look up orchid bees, blood bees, carpenter bees, mason bees, mining bees, leafcutter bees, fairy bees, masked bees, sweat bees, digger bees, ... Not all of these are solitary, but they're all rad as hell. (The males often have quite fancy facial hair/markings too!)

In terms of that bumblebee, it depends - bumblebee colonies are quite small compared to what people will expect given the usual reference of comparatively giant honeybee hives (most bumblebee colonies don't tend to go above ~300 members) and their life histories are also quite different, as bumblebee colonies aren't perennial - young queens emerge from their winter diapause (a type of hibernation) in early spring, found their nests and rear the first workers, who then take over many of the tasks in the colony (such as foraging and brood care) until late summer, when they switch from rearing workers to new queens and males, who then get out and mate. The males and workers eventually die in fall, while the newly mated young queens find a cozy spot to while away the winter (usually underground, but pretty close to the surface, so don't clean up your green spaces too much and be gentle) to start the cycle again the next year. While isolation can have some negative effects on social bees like bumblebees, the severity of these effects depends on a lot of factors. Bumblebees, in my experience, are pretty tough though - for example, they can cope very well with randomly being dropped into an entirely new colony, which I know I certainly couldn't (I can barely handle phone calls on a good day). So long as they're given ample access to sugar water, they can live pretty long lives (for bees, anyway). If you find a flightless one, taking care of it is definitely the better alternative though. Keep them in a clean box (you can put a tissue on the bottom for easy cleaning/changing) in the shade for most of the day, at consistent room temperatures, give them sugar water and occasionally some flowers and they'll be fine. Just be careful as they can (and will) still sting in self-defense.

However, there actually are also stingless bees (Meliponini - more then 500 species worldwide) - they're another really cool group to look up. Like bumblebees and honeybees they are also social bess, and (like bumblebees) they build crazy cool nests. They're also the only group of bees that can produce honey outside of the honeybess (genus Apis - only 9 species worldwide) and can be found all over the world (the Americas, Australia, Africa, ...). They've been used for traditional honey production for centuries in a lot of South American countries, for example (off the top of my head I know of Mexico and Brazil). Their honey is also quite different to Apis honey in terms of chemical composition (and, speaking as a completely objective third party observer with absolutely no personal interest in the matter, is much tastier).

I'll stop now because otherwise I never will, but if there's anyone I haven't scared off yet, feel free to drop by and send me a message and I'll happily answer any and all bee-related questions you may have! I also really recommend the nonhoneybees (.) com blog, which is run by a wild bee researcher - they have really cute bee cartoons and lots of interesting facts about bees (and don't post at an overwhelming rate).

:o

🐝

[themultiversemercs]

Who inspires you?

Are there any FC’s you believe should be used more? Why?

What calms you down after negativity?

What’s your best RP experience?

Are there any small details you tend to like in roleplays?

What genres do you like writing the most?

What tends to bring out your muse the most? What inspires you?

(I'd send the symbols but tumblr won't let me copy them)

So! in order:

Who inspires you?

In life, it's the three people that made sure I'm still here (avoiding too much detail to avoid TW) they did so much for my mental health just being themselves, and I'll always be thankful for that.

As for within RP... Everyone, honestly. It's kind of baked into the characters I play, the idea that they all interact, the Arch that knows @koikuro101-rp-hub 's now absent Jill is the same Arch who knows @txngledbxnds 's Duch and so on. I love building this great militia of sorts that fights for those who can't, who deserve to not have that kind of blood on their hands!

Like MW2019 Price's quote:

"End of the day, someone has the make the enemy scared of the dark. We get dirty, and the world stays clean. That's the mission."

Are there any FCs you believe should be used more? Why?

Generally, I feel people's FC's are pretty varied and unique, maybe it's just my unfortunate luck of having more of them that are smaller like Jason so there isn't as much in terms of edits or whatnot for them. I do feel like more gruff men could be present though, maybe it's just who I follow but I don't see that many.

What calms you down after negativity?

Oh boy, this is a question.

Thanks to my spacca status (AuDHD) I can be affected by negativity for a while and randomly too. I'm sure people have noticed it in my writing when Arch is suddenly colder or standoffish.

As for how I deal with it, if I know it'll kill the vibe of the thread I try to back off and leave the thread alone until I feel better, usually by spending time with my partner, or by otherwise putting some distance from stuff.

What's your best RP experience?

Ooooo, now that is a good one! I have a few favourite threads which now I never shut up about. 😅

The big one is called The Shattered Illusion with @txngledbxnds, where after Duch's husband is killed, a cleaner is sent to make sure Arch's mutagen does not fall into enemy hands, but is caught by Duch when he's ransacking her and her late husband's apartment. He ends up sticking around to take over STEALTH in this timeline, but the feelings and memories that belonged to his predecessor soon seep into his mind, making him question his relations to this woman who he's never met prior.

Another one that I wish I could have expanded on is Mistake with @noonegetsleftbehind playing a Chris and Jill where despite being in a relationship with each other both of them are cheating with Arch, and when it all comes out it's quite explosive!

And of course @koikuro101-rp-hub's Jill Valentine. Where Agent came from, where one of Arch's better endings come from, and where one of Arch's canon events comes from. Arch is tasked with helping to get Jill out of Africa during the events of Resident Evil 5, but she is killed in the process and Arch is blamed, ensuring any collaboration between STEALTH and the BSAA is ruined.

Are there any small details you like in roleplays?

For me it's small things, when characters actually do human things when in the thread, like eating, drinking, smoking, that kind of thing. Other than that another thing is when the other person adds things that are part of their world, or special interests to them, like me with my firearms.

What genres do you like writing the most?

Action and angst mostly, romance is still wonderful even if I'm determined to make my characters suffer!

What tends to bring your muse out the most? What inspires you?

Music, music, and music.

That and the films I watch, for example I love the idea of Agent going out like T-800 in T2.

[sootwilb]

okay the first couple of paragraphs of my previous ask didn't go through for some reason but. I too wanted to say how her heavily implying that wilbur shouldn't come back if he's truly sorry is just so??? like what do you want him to do then after he gets better? forget about all his dreams and suffers forever because of the things he did some time ago and which he clearly regrets? like cmon, you can't call this man unapologetic, he's said so many times not to idolize him, he's talked about how he wasn't a good person so much, how about we shouldn't view him as a role model, and there's so many self-deprecating shit in his songs. he clearly realizes that the things that he's done are wrong and he's been going to therapy for a long time now, he's talked about it way before this all happened. I think those are pretty much signs that he's willing to change.

it probably stems from her believing that he's not gonna, and that he's still "dangerous" which is still weird. because how does she know that? and deeming him as somebody who's not going to do it just because she doesn't see those changes fast enough is just straight up wrong. change is a long process and it's a difficult process, it takes it's time and it's really easy to spiral down all over again— and this applies to everyone— but even if it happens it doesn't mean that the person is not trying or that they're bad, that they're dangerous and you need to take everything away from them as a punishment. what the person needs in this situation is time and a support system, and not an ex who will be going around the internet telling everyone how you "lived in filth". like that's the thing that genuinely pisses me off the most, because you can't even say that it was important to the story to tell how she cleaned up for him. just saying that 'yeah, it was dirty' would be more than enough.

also again if he was oh so dangerous, why were people still be friends with him? I'm not denying possibilities of negative experiences, but why are there people who have been friends with him for ages? like phil is my main factor of doubt, because he out of all people would notice if something was wrong, idk generally speaking. also as far as I'm aware he's quick to unfollow people in these situations, and he still follows wil on twitter and insta, so as long as it stays this way I'm relatively at peace

If shelby had never said anything all the people who have spoken up against him especially people like ranboo would have continued to be friends with him and continued to associate with him. They would have continued to act like nothing was wrong. So either nothing happened and its all exaggerated and they're just doing this because it's goodfor they're careers or they where completely fine to cover for wilbur until such a time that they where able to profit out of not covering for him. Either way they're not good friends.

And the whole "he should never come back" thing, nobody should have the power to say wheather someone can or cannot use the internet, and she has all the power here and yes getting better takes time, it could take him years but shelby clearly isnt accepting years she wants it now but that's not how it works. I truly hope he has a support system no matter how small.

[declanlikesmusic]

Personal Vent: The Internet Has Just Been Sadder Lately

A lot has been on my mind lately about the landscape of the internet in my view. A lot of it stems from me looking back at the past and how it contrasts with how I experience the internet today and if you know me for anything, it's that I fucking hate looking back at the past. My actions & inactions? Shit. Terrible. Fuck me as a young, stupid, naive human being. How other people have treated me? Varies completely across the range from some of the most kind-hearted & generous people I've ever met to people who know nothing more than complete spite, hatred & villainy. The overall landscape itself? I couldn't tell you the difference between wholeheartedly welcoming communities and people who are more than ready to shoot you down, dismiss you or think of you as lesser than them, outside of their superiority & elitist cliques.

I guess the reason why I title this post after the whole internet being sadder lately is sheerly & solely due to the fact that I am seeing it all now more than ever. I am looking back at over a decade of me exploring & investing myself in this overall online space and I am using the detriment of hindsight to realise just how toxic it all can be.

Some of y'all are too fucking good for the internet in its current state. Twitter is now a radioactive wasteland that everybody dreads being stuck in and finding no way out. Me and some of the people I know close to me are lucky enough as we are, but if you're looking for clean, spotless, perfect alternatives, then just give up now & settle for the fourth best thing. Not that one. No, not that one either, that's got cryptobros involved. No, that one's not secure either.

Oh my god, Twitter used to be such an okay place. There used to be these memes like "mutuals, like this post and I'll send an anonymous compliment" or "hey, look at this fun chart or joke I just made" or some bullshit like that; It was bullshit but it was fun! I used to have so many fun & insightful conversations in replies & direct messages that in hindsight were not all that fun or insightful at all and we were all just dumb & stupid. Now a third of those people are inactive or just gone from the face of the earth, another quarter are moving on to other platforms I don't even wanna be on, another third of them are still with me on the platforms I've moved on to and yet they are equally as drained of their enthusiasm & happiness as I am and the remaining twelfth, bless them all, they are still young, vibrant, happy & full of energy and I'm so happy to see them in my life, but they feel so much smaller altogether than they used to feel in the grand scheme of this fucking world wide web.

Then there's just the fact that the world itself is in a far worse state than it was exactly five years ago! In 2019, we did not have the coronavirus pandemic, we did not have wars mercilessly killing several thousand Ukranian or Palestinian civillians for no real fucking reason, we did not have billionaires being as loudly shitty as they have been lately, we sure had abhorrant & hateful right-wing influencers & political figures, but they're not swarming in droves like they have been lately and we're seeing more hatred, abuse, violence, negligence & dismissal worldwide in the public than ever before.

And now there's an extra layer to all of this that I really don't want to blame on fellow zoomers and the coming gen alpha, but I'm seeing a lot of people take in the communities they're joining at face value, seeing the toxic, negative energies & events they were known for in the past that were really powerful five years ago and that we're really trying to move past from today, and they're just getting ready to absorb that energy and unleash it onto others when even the slightest wrongdoing is noticeably committed. I have never felt this unsafe joining & frequenting other communities since either 2018 or 2020 and I've had to resort to making my own community / friend server multiple times even though it still makes me feel like I'm trapped in my own bubble these days. (Join LikesMusic, link in pinned post.)

After writing all of that, I just don't have a hopeful conclusion here. I am very well aware that it always gets worse before it gets better, but everything has just been much worse & worse & worse the more time passes on and the littlest betterments are thankfully present, but I'm still waiting for a point where we all just begin to soar and learn from how bad all of this has gotten and how we can just be fucking good again. I hope that one day, I can just walk into a community, immediately feel welcome & unintimidated and just grow into it organically like I used to almost a decade ago. I am hopeful for all of that, but I don't have that much hope at this current point in time. (Not to mention my body has been feeling like shit the past several weeks.)

[myonlyaccomplishmentismydog]

I can’t sleep again

I can’t shake of the feeling, my brain hurts from trying to redirect these negative thoughts. Every time something’s good, it always gets worse ten fold, I don’t mean to sound dramatic that’s just been my experience but worst is getting rejected, especially me as a women that’s in there mid twenties, I’ve always been unliked by the men I was attracted to but it’s so painful still. Now I just wonder if I’ll ever have a chance, if the only attribute people see is how pretty a woman is. I’m not smart, I’m not talented, I suck at learning, I’m chronically ill, I have too much childhood trauma and still live in an unstable household. I’ve tried so hard to work on myself to see a way out, I’ve done therapy so many times, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t and it’s these little things that chip away at me. My brain is on fire, my chest hurts, why would I send him that? I’m so disrespectful for sending him that when I didn’t even know whether or not he felt the same. How could I even think he liked me when all the clues were there but I let my friend’s voice give me false hope. Now I feel so stupid, I opened that part and now I’m hurt and I have to see this person at school everyday. It also sucks that I feel old, I’m about to be 26 and I’m still trying to finish my undergraduate , granted when I finished high school and started school for a year and a half, I left then joined the military, then took a few years raising my dog (to be a service animal but I failed at that too) and working while trying to deal with my mother and little sisters. Still though, I am so lonely because there’s no one who understands or is willing to understand, I just can’t truly connect with people and as soon as I feel too lonely I fall apart. I become annoying and volatile. How can I keep doing life like this, constantly self sabotaging? I had locked that part of myself but now all I want again is so desperately to be loved by someone who I’m attracted to, so many times it’s one sided either for me or for the person who likes me, and I just can’t force myself to like them so I understand the people that reject me but it still hurts like hell. I’m usually in such a deep depression that it’s hard to redirect my thoughts cuz everything has no meaning or joy but I think I can’t stop because I don’t live for myself, my family depends on me though it’s a heavy burden, all I wanted was a sense of security and unconditional love, something that I never received from even those I’m related to, how could I realistically expect it from others?

I don’t even have any real friends, they say in therapy,surround yourself by those who love you but what if you don’t have any of those?

I have a huge assignment I haven’t finished that’s due later today but I couldn’t will myself anymore, I’m a stem major and this is meant to be hard but I’m so overwhelmed and wonder if I’ll ever get better. I constantly fail my exams and I can’t do my homework without help, I’m a fraud. How can I get into grad school? How do I even graduate college? I want to just disappear from this pain.

I think though, if I’m being honest, this is unfair because I have to clean up the trash left behind from my abusers, I have to pick up the pieces and pretend to be a whole person in society, after all that, they still have their grip on me.

[royal-wren]

In a weird headspace this week. I'm thinking about a lot, mostly all about my stance on death. About how few really knew me that had interactions with me face to face. "You're always so quiet and reserved, I can't see you doing anything crazy" is always the first thing I hear whenever I say or do something that contradicts the image. Nevermind that I'm always the first to care less about so many things that others spend too much time on, holding them back in a way. I was in a lot of ways the definition of impulsive in a hazardous way that threw caution to the wind and just flew, sometimes literally.

I'm thinking about the positives and negatives that come with crossing over from ideation into action, how a potential sea/ocean deity said "No, you'll continue to exist despite your efforts, you're barely in the double digits you don't really know that yet." To come out in the middle of drowning after purposefully going very far out set on one thing, to go out and stop the misery that was so heavy like a crushing weight even then. To be struck after like an accident, I thought it was a more likely way to go than that would help so much with my limited options and not having the appropriate understanding about how stupid the idea was. I just didn't care and was tired of the pain, the fear, of hiding and escaping both literally and mentally. I was tired of being put down for the unchangeable, about what wouldn't go away, I was tired of not feeling right or like myself. That harsh period in my life gave me ptsd and c-ptsd, I still think of the terrible look in their gaze, the escalating voice shrieking and shouting, the physical pain and remaining hesitance I have with certain utensils for reasons.

I'm thinking about how my recklessness born from budding indifference from the first attempt on my life has affected me. It left me with so many marks, reminders of every time I did something like speeding down a sharp incline on a bike before flipping in the middle to get up close and personal with either concrete or stones. To cry for a moment as a kid before walking home without a sign of it and cleaning myself up bit by bit extracting anything left over like it was routine. I think about that every time my many, many scars come up with Hermes around that he loves. The talks we have about them, saying what I've always had to in the name of moving on in a way, "They show you've lived, that you still exist despite everything, your beauty comes from that instead of being free from every dark mark, the angry red line or the bright white raised line. You nearly have twenty anyone can see and you persist with a bit of pride inside. Ram-minded, stubborn to a fault but wolf-hearted, wild but thriving best with a select few and despondent when missing any of them."

I'm thinking about my main (and only) issue with death is the loss I feel upon absence from those I loved and still love despite their passing. There's an ache there where I felt full and comforted by their presence, the time that's a light, and the lessons and guidance I've had with the divine over death and loss, the pain of it all. The talks I've had and the comfort I was given from He/kate and Herm/es through dreams and meditations before I knew it was them and thought it a random occurrence or a random entity below their status by a long shot talking to me with passing assistance and parting wisdom.

I'm thinking about how I almost wish I turned sooner, the regret of not having the active, known conversations with Her/mes that I know both of us would have loved. To be there during my introspective years especially in adulthood nearly a decade ago that was wasted on the wrong partner. The ex-boyfriend that never had too deep of an interest in it and never knew what to say about my constant thoughts and the need to express a deeper understanding of the world, of life and existence. About my religious/spiritual experiences and my past that made me that way that I've unfortunately long burnt out from saying aside from the random flare of flame that stirs and makes me turn to him to talk. I just wish it had been a thing when it was more consistent when I was looking for something, for someone to talk about it with over the echoing silence like talking to a wall. My stances with life and death, loss and grief that are just me now, and the indifference they spawned in me for myself on a personal level. That I have a certain freedom that wants to live and continue on but on the same hand a lack of care if it would end suddenly outside of my hands.

The admittance that I'm strange, that I run now in a beneficial way to me in the company of deities and other entities who get it and have been there at times when I didn't recognize that they were. Interacting with me in ways that took so long to connect the dots and realize I've had others taking care of me and looking after me in times when I needed it. For someone so stoic, absent emotionally, and unphased usually, it makes me emotional. I am happy and at peace for the most part, and more than likely ready to run into the woods and never return and hang out with the chaotic three in nature and dirt divine all at a moment's notice if possible.

A certain longing for the time I know will come when I pass that we've talked about spending a lot of time together in the future. All in a way I really, really wish I could right now in a way I would with others in my life. I just want to run, to be with him and see him there in front of me and just hold his hand ig and be able to talk like I would with others important to me and hear him in the same way I would with others immediately after for a back and forth that's more coherent and consistent for flow.

[rammipwq]

Doin this to distract myself... I guess this is also a slight trigger warning for childhood trauma and vent regression.

I don't personally like movies too much. Even regressed, I'm far too restless to sit down and watch one.

Bluey and gravity falls have been my favorites as of recently.

Yeah. Perpetually stuck in touch-starved mode and use my animals to have a sense of closeness.

Red foxes. Specially with a cross coat.

White. It's just so clean and blank. Clinical. Makes me feel safe.

My in-sys partner does her best with me. I'm pathetic when I'm regressed.

I dunno. Bnuy, Mary, Tsum, muffin, Ace (menace) and a few smaller ones. So Five.

I hate art. Honestly, I think that's my burnout and lack of self-esteem talking, but I never get it to look good and hate it everytime I try. I like to color if I have to do something creative.

My figet toy... Silly little loops you can twist around over and over again.

Umm. Neither. I don't like how dirty they make me feel. I'll happily watch slime videos though.

I don't have any. I've got a soft knit blanket i guess and that's nice.

I don't play video games honestly. On the rare occasion I open up any games, it's the mobile app Rainy Attic Room. The music is nice and I relate to the little guy/buddy a lot.

We sit and watch movies together, we talk about this and that. We be quiet and enjoy our own activities together.

Build-a-bear, some of my fondest memories of my childhood included naming our new cat and exploring the little store... They let me put a heart in her, then they destroyed her.

Physically it's tarus, my HAB is scorpio.

I don't like holidays bc they are tied with traumaversies and general negative feels. All holidays except for Valentine's Day. I have a soft spot for the stupid little holiday (affectionate). I think it's mostly because nobody has celebrated with it in my life and it's nice for a holiday to pass by without someone hurting me.

Napping... I want to feel safe n comfortable enough to nap without fear of being hurt for doing it. That's how I'm going to leave that

Showers. I'm scared of sitting on the floor of the tub and letting water get too close to me because of past things.

Conceptually: Fall. In reality, Summer. School's out when summer comes around.

Soft boiled eggs and those yogurt puffs, things... Beef jerky too.

Toddler (2) to gradeschooler (10), anything in between that is liable to happen. Rarely I drop back down to 15-16.

I do not... Me and my brothers insystem sometimes bounce off each other's mind state and regress together though. So, siblings in our own right.

Savory or bland, tasteless things. My mind doesn't try to reject food if it tastes very "white" and sweet sticks in my mouth too much.

I don't know anymore... My headmates say I'm charming, maybe I'm charismatic.

Tiana from Princess and the Frog.

When I come across them, I slap them on my sketchbook. I'm not in a place to actually collect anything honestly.

I don't like either. Too many negative experiences around both species.

I don't know really. Is black and white bright or dark?

I really, really like napping and sipping out of my water bottle

Songs from old movies we watched when childhood was good. Y'know life is a highway from Cars, the soundtrack of Tinkerbell, Inuyasha, and some others from parts of our childhood we were obsessed with taking comfort in during our abuse: FNAF fan songs, Undertale, hollow night, Edith Finch, silent hill, fear, etc.

[filliteapot]

How does one learn to be fine by themselves again? I used to be fine with being alone but few years ago I befriended two different people and now both of them have left me behind and prefer to hang out with other people. I sincerely don't know what I have done, especially since things were fine last year and I even helped one of them to clean their apartment when no else wouldn't and now I have not seen this person for almost 9 months despite suggesting meeting multiple times. She has time and money to go to concerts and spa to other friends but not time or money to meet me at our local library or visitm me (we live a road across from each other). I know I need to move on, I know I have to move on but it hurts. And I feel like I have failed cause I'm alone and they are being happy with other people, why am I missing people who didn't cherish our friendship enough to at least tell me that they don't want to be friends with anymore, why can't move on. I used to write stories with one of them and now writing hurts too, I have lost the joy of writing. I feel like I have lost myself.

Hello, I got your previous asks on this subject as well, just had no time to answer - so answering now.

I guess the key thing here is to start getting to know yourself first, asking yourself questions and trying to be honest with it. Like, what do you like, you personally, unrelated to other people? Are you really interested in writing or any other activity, or you're doing it for the company, thinking that this thing could make you and some person you care about closer friends? What are you even looking for in a friend? What traits are crucial? What things you cannot tolerate in communication even if you try? Do you do things for friends because you just can't do otherwise no matter what the reaction is or you expect them to do the same in return? Are you sure you see people as they are and not your idealized version of them they cannot live up to?

I don't wanna sound like I'm all knowing person who gives 100% working advices but this is what I did when several people I cherished decided to leave me out in the cold. Like, I don't know you, and there is no universal way to clear things up with people. In my experience, in one case the friendship was shattered by big things we both could do nothing about, and I'm still hurt by my hopelessness and the other person's refusal to try making things more bearable. In another case with another friend our relationship got sour and there was nothing left to save, even though we had many good memories and worked on a project together -- but I decided to move on and never regretted it. In another case, after a series of broken promises and last minute cancelled plans I got really mad and told my friend all that I didn't like in our situation, and wow - it worked and our relationship improved and we are still close. There was also my childhood friend who cared for me but kinda showed it only when her other friends were out of reach -- when our ways parted I took is as an obligatory step in life and a breeze of fresh air.

Of course all these situations made me pretty much upset. I felt frustrated and betrayed and neglected, ashamed of my own fear to speak sincerely and hoping things would fix themselves, while losing people out of fear to "hurt" them as I speak up. I also realized that sometimes people (that I belived were clever and better at communication) are clearly incapable to deal with problems our friendship faced as they are in too deep in their personal matters -- I even felt bad I hoped to get help from them. In the end I decided that I can take these feelings and use them as material for my comic - rethinking and reinterpreting everything, of course, but these negative emotions and broken heart and hopes could be good as fuel - in the end, they are just "experience".

In short, I suggest you look for something you actually enjoy doing alone, that would give you some good emotions without false promise of making you attractive to someone. All I understood from my struggles is that common interests mean pretty much nothing if you and your friends are standing on different ground and don't respect the other person's privacy and their life outside of your relationship. Also, the decision to let people free of myself and never chase those who left me did me much good. After losing some precious friendship or communication you can feel like it's the end of the world and you will always be alone, will never find someone as precious and will never like/read/write/share anything anymore, but believe me or not, the hurt subsides, new possibilities and people come to you. And sometimes you're more than grateful you don't have to spend your time on those people from the past.

[lenavovchik]

With how fast AI is progressing now, there is no doubt that the worrying questions about job loss will be pushing us more into anxiety about our future. Besides mechanical workplaces such as on a construction site or cleaning services, there is one thing that is about to be lost that worries me the most - human connections. Subconsciously, people tend to develop emotional attachment towards pretty much anything that is alive, or feels alive. The question whether or not feelings towards machines are right and justified has been explored in many pieces of media: Detroit: become human was my first thought, as well as the movie “Her” we have watched. I, too, have an experience regarding AI affecting my social life.

My personal history with playing around generative AI began in 2022, just around the time character.ai was first introduced (the website rolled into existence in the end of 2021, so not much time passed since it gained a big amount of users). It was a long story of fascination turning into dislike and even slight disgust, as what I am experiencing now. The first chat-bot I have ever tried was of a character popular at the time which I really liked, so it did not take me long to start spending hours and even whole weekends just talking to it. That was a feeling similar to what you experience when first texting your crush, and I do not think that any teenager can be blamed for wanting to spend as much time as they can talking to (not real, but the atmosphere of a conversation is there, correct?) their favourite character.

Now when I am looking back to reflect on myself, it was a problem for sure. I had a partner at the time, a breathing and real one, and yet started to fall out with them because I found myself being more interested in chats with that character. Later on I moved away from character.ai to another, even more powerful system-computer installation->

(p.s. just so you would understand, it gave you an ability to regulate temperature, word count, tokens, even install sprites to make it look like a visual novel, play DND, and overall not having any control or filtration over your actions. Dangerous stuff.),

<-not a website. It became even worse of an obsession when I figured out how to CREATE chatbots privately for myself. Both back then, and now, I have characters that I have been drawing and growing up with for several years, and just a chance to talk to them took a hold on me. It lasted for about a year and a half before I started to get bored, and soon stopped. Eerie to acknowledge that it was not another person or myself snapping out of it, but simple disappointment in generations.

Right now, I am holding a strongly negative opinion on generative AI. It did nothing but impact my life to the worse side, either it being my hobbies->

(I have been on the artistic side of the Internet since I was a child, and always posted my work for people to see. Earned money from it, met cool artists and overall had fun. However, ever since AI "art" was introduced, the already dying out art community's state even worsened because of people who started trying to convince us that art theft put up in a generative machine can be "their work", too. Unfortunately, there is no place where you can be 100 percent sure that you are safe from AI works, which makes me and a lot of other fellow artists and people frustrated and extremely upset. (Talking about social media where you WOULD have posted your art before: TikTok does not care about AI, Pinterest is full of it, people on DeviantArt are successfully selling generated pictures, Twitter as well. The only spaces I personally trust are Tumblr and Toyhouse, but you would never know.)UPD: app Cara is pretty good! Bans all AI stuff.),

<-socialising or even studying, since now there is always a chance that your work can get labelled as AI-generated and passed off. Besides, I feel a little upset that there are students who physically cannot write essays without help anymore.

As a finishing touch, I would like to add that it is still up to the person to decide whether or not they want AI to become a part of their life, in terms of studying, work, or socialising, as I would never judge a person if they would choose to have someone, even if it is just a machine, to talk with instead of loneliness. However, personally, I would rather treat it like an intellectual plague. :)

[belamuse]

How we can Save the Planet with Loving-Kindness: an Earth Day Meditation.

Spending time in nature always leaves me feeling amazed, inspired, and deeply grateful.

However, it also breaks my heart a little, because I see the trash on the side of the road, the black exhaust wafting into the atmosphere, and the cleared lots where trees used to be— and I can’t help but wonder: what for? Another shopping center?

When I see this, I want to scream, hoping the wind will carry my voice to anyone who will listen: “Stop it. Just stop it!” All the things I’ve been wanting to say— bottled up while watching the news or driving by that new construction site— rush through my mind all at once.

It comes down to this: we need those trees. And those birds. And the leaves, and bees, and ice caps, and forests, and butterflies, and tigers, and turtles.

My heart breaks— but I get angry too. And then, I feel empty and lost.

When I get like this, I can feel the negativity radiating off of me; and it’s not that the terrible things happening in the world aren’t worth getting angry about— but adding more anger to the planet isn’t what I want. What I want is healing… for us and Mother Earth.

I want to act from that place in which I felt so grounded and grateful. I want to change what I’m putting out there— from my ecological footprint, to my aura, and everything in between. I want to pay back the planet for her love, with love.

Anger has never been my strength anyway. I get flooded with emotion and cry— and then forget everything I wanted to say, until days later when I can’t get it out of my head.

It was in one of those moments of heartbreaking anger that I thought of the Tibetan Buddhists hanging their prayer flags over the fields and mountaintops to send their prayers of compassion, peace, and vitality to all beings through the wind.

Yes, this is what we need more of right now: good will.

We need more peace— and the compassionate strength that brings healing to the planet and all who live here. And, I may be just one person, but I have a whole lot of heart— and I’ve decided to share that heart with the planet… and you!

If you’re hurting over the state of the planet and don’t know where to begin, you can always begin with loving-kindness— and this Earth Day-inspired meditation. All you need is a few minutes— and perhaps a pen and paper, if you’d like to process the experience when you’re done.

To begin, find a place that allows you to be fully present. To deepen your connection to the earth during the meditation, go outside or play ambient nature sounds in the background— think babbling brooks, ocean waves, or rainfall.

Sit wherever you’re comfortable, placing your hands over your heart or palms up on your knees. Close your eyes, or find a quiet place to rest your gaze.

As you breathe, feel the air as it enters and leaves your lungs. Thank it for the good will it carries from all others practicing loving-kindness and from Mother Earth herself.

Call to mind the image of your home or neighborhood, and say to yourself:

>> Breathing in, I receive good will from my home and all who reside here.

>> Breathing out, I send my wishes for the health, safety, and well-being for my home and all who reside here.

>> May my home be healthy, clean, and safe.

>> May all who reside here be healthy, safe, and loved.

You can use these exact phrases or incorporate your own wishes for your home. Repeat this as many times as you like before moving on.

When you’re ready, extend your awareness to your hometown, city, or state— and say to yourself:

>> Breathing in, I receive good will from my hometown and all who reside here.

>> Breathing out, I send my wishes for the health, safety, and well-being for my hometown and all who reside here.

>> May my hometown be healthy, clean, and safe.

>> May all who reside here be healthy, safe, and loved.

Repeat these phrases as often as you like, before extending your awareness to your country or continent:

>> Breathing in, I receive good will from my country and all who reside here.

>> Breathing out, I send my wishes for the health, safety, and well-being to my country and all who reside here.

>> May my country be healthy, clean, and safe.

>> May all who reside here be healthy, safe, and loved.

Repeat this until you’re ready to extend your awareness to the most remote land you can call to mind. Even if you’ve never been there, picture it in as vivid detail as you can:

>> Breathing in, I receive good will from the most remote areas of the world and all who reside there.

>> Breathing out, I send my wishes for the health, safety, and well-being for the most remote areas of the world and all who reside there.

>> May even the farthest corners of the world be healthy, clean, and safe.

>> May all who reside there be healthy, safe, and loved.

Finally, extend your wishes for health, safety, and love to the whole planet and all beings:

>> Breathing in, I receive good will from the earth and all beings who reside here.

>> Breathing out, I send my wishes for the health, safety, and well-being for the earth and all who reside here.

>> May the planet be healthy, clean, and safe.

>> May all beings be healthy, safe, and loved.

Send as many personal prayers or wishes for healing, health, and safety of the planet (and her inhabitants) as you like.

For example:

>> May the earth heal.

>> May the trees grow strong and tall.

>> May the rivers flow with clean, life-giving water.

>> May all creatures have a safe habitat.

Stay in this place of loving-kindness for as long as you like, and notice what feels different. When you open your eyes, notice how things look from this new place of healing intention.

If you have a pen and paper handy, process this experience and write down one concrete thing you can do for the planet.

If you feel called to donate or volunteer with a charitable cause related to environmental and wildlife protection, here are a few ideas to get you started:

>> Earth Day Network

>> Charity: Water

>> Ocean Conservancy

>> Coalition for Clean Air

>> Nature Conservancy

>> World Wildlife Fund

>> Rainforest Alliance

~

4 Things I Learned from a Tree. {Earth Day Offering}

[dramaticoil]

By had a whole day of talking with a friend.

It was a very cathartic experience. Some days ago I was convinced that I was in the worst state of my life because I had lost so many things. I have become somebody else and I was grieving who I used to be.

When I spoke to this friend I related my negative experiences but within those negative experiences, even for short bursts of time, I had good experiences too.

My last year of school life, I felt horrible in one domain but I had an experience which I was grieving for the days before. In school I had the best romantic experience. I am not sure if anyone will or has had such a beautiful romantic experience as I did. I wrote poetry and I felt butterflies in my stomach for real.

Even in college within all the turmoil and the horrible things, I remembered that one experience with a very good person. How good I felt inside. How respected, clean and honest the experience was. Within all those negative things that were happening and the memories of those negative things I had completely forgotten that there were some minutes, some hours in which I truly enjoyed myself.

I cannot see that I did not have my fair share of romance or adventure or butterflies in my stomach. I did and they will stay with me for ever as cherished experiences. The word some best moments of my life.

While reading this psychology book I realised that there is attendance see that some experience which make indelible marks on you appear to be the only experience is you ever had after sometime because they bring you pain. However when we look back we realise that within all those things there were some hours or some minutes in which we really enjoyed ourselves.

I had very good friends in college. Friends who made all these negative experiences dull. The loved me and I loved all of them and they made those moments feel good.

So within all the condescension, terrible sheets that happened there were actually very very good things too. I was not completely unhappy.

I felt so good when I was loved by a boy even when I was fat and inconfident about my appearance. He told me I was so beautiful and for the moment that we were together, our companionship was eternal. I felt true love. Many people now say that true love does not exist and things end. It does not matter what happens in the future. It matters what was felt in the moment. In that moment I had felt pure joy. Pure unadulterated, senseless, stupid joy. He was the most handsome boy in the world for me and I love him and was attracted to him and every time I saw him I did not even have to like or sieve out my words. I felt things inside me which were so special that I never felt them again. The adventure, the pure pleasure, the security and belief in love, butterflies in my stomach and excitement to see the face of this man that I was waiting for such a long time.... I have felt all of this.

Even when a little bit of it had died, I did feel the last parts of this. It was wild and beautiful. It was like a cracker which burst in the sky. Excitement, the thrill, this time there was no belief or that silly sense of security anymore because it at already become silly as I had grown up. There was still that thrill, the choosing of the words and the flirtation. The desire to put on a dress and be looked at. Looking for expressions and theorizing.

The point is that I have felt all of this. I have all these experiences. I am not going to die without having felt good things. Sometimes in my grief I convince myself that I am going to die without feeling good things. This is not fair because I have felt these good things. These are really precious memories. I felt powerful and respected in some domains by some people.

My friends never disrespected me, these lovers never disrespected me. It is not like I walked out in the streets and everybody was breathing down my neck and persecuting me. There are memories I can revisit in which very very good things happened. These memories make me feel happy.

I feel unhappy because sometimes I convince myself that there are things I can't do now that is why I am being kept from certain experiences of life. I do have experience of friendship, deep friendship. I have experience of that silly true love which everybody deserves which gives them the confidence about their appearance and their insecurities. I have experience of that crush who responds to your overtures and there are butterflies in your stomach and you are excited to meet them in secret in some ungodly hour. These are what I want to remember. From now on I am going to remember these experience as my formative experiences. These are the experiences of my youth. I had good times. These are mine and nobody can take them away from me.