#personally if my little cousin went to the big sleepover with me i’d sleep next to the
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flamepaw’s first night at the moonpool
#i don’t remember how close jay and flame really were BUT i think they should have been close#they’re cousins 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#personally if my little cousin went to the big sleepover with me i’d sleep next to the#them but thats just me#wc#jayfeather#warrior cats#power of three#waca#jayfeather warrior cats#thunderclan#riverclan#windclan#shadowclan#kestrelflight#kestrelpaw#leafpool#jaypaw#mothwing#willowshine#willowpaw#flamepaw#flametail
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Office Neighbors - Part Six
a/n: here we are, and it certainly won’t be over after this! didn’t have time to proof read sorry, hope you enjoy! (reblogs and feedback are super helpful!)
warnings: fluff, smut, minor character death
words: 15K
masterpost
The semester was in full swing, and you were counting down the days until Thanksgiving break. It was time you could dedicate to grading, and your brother always cooked this gourmet meal for your family, so all in all, you were just ready to for the little time away. You just needed to get through another two weeks.
It was also time off for Harry. Andy always spent his Thanksgiving break with Paige since Harry got him for Christmas in London. Typically, you ate at Harry’s house for dinner twice a week, and then when Andy was at Paige’s for a weekend, Harry would either sleep at your place, or you would sleep at his. Sometimes you would go to the library together to work. He really helped you find a work-life balance. Now, Harry usually went to Lisa’s for Thanksgiving, but he wasn’t sure if those plans were set to change. He was sort of hoping to go to Boston with you, but he didn’t want to invite himself.
“I think you should just ask her.” Andy says as he helps Harry set the table.
“I don’t want to impose, it’s rude.”
“But you’re her boyfriend, she should want you to spend Thanksgiving with her.”
“It’s a bit more complicated than that.”
“You say that all the time.” He rolls his eyes.
“It is! It’s not just her and I having dinner, I’d be meeting her whole family, that’s a big deal.”
“Why?”
“Because…well…it’s one thing for her to like me, but I’d want her family to like me too.”
“Dad, literally who has ever met you ever likes you. Even Noah’s parents like you.”
“Thanks.” Harry chuckles. The doorbell rings and he smiles. “Go open that for her, will you?”
Andy races over to the door, and opens it for you.
“Hi, Y/N.” He smiles.
“Hi, Andy, how was school?” You smile as you come in and kick your boots off. “Getting cold out there.” You shiver as you take your jacket off.
“School was good.” He shrugs. “My health class just started and it’s really awkward.”
“Oh, I bet.” You walk in with him and the dessert your brought. “I brought cookies, couldn’t help myself.” You say to Harry, kissing his cheek.
“Thank you.” He smiles and takes it to put on the counter. “We’re having chili tonight, thought it would be nice for a cold evening.”
“Definitely, it smells amazing.”
Everyone makes a bowl, and adds what they want. After chatting about something funny one of Harry’s students says, Andy jumps into the conversation.
“Man, I cannot wait for Thanksgiving break. I know it’s only a few days, but I can’t wait.”
Harry slowly turns his head to look at his son, knowing exactly what he was doing.
“Yeah? You go to your mom’s right?” You say.
“Mhm, my grandparents and aunt come, and so does Noah’s family. It’s actually pretty fun. My mum and aunt cook everything together. What do you usually do for Thanksgiving, Y/N?”
“Well, when I was growing up we always hosted at my parent’s house, but my brother tends to host now since he’s the one that does that cooking.”
“He’s a chef, right?”
“A sous chef, but yeah.” You smile. “Although, he doesn’t cook everything. I tend to make the more Jewish dishes, and then he makes the more traditional Thanksgiving things.”
“Noah’s mum makes a brisket, do you guys have that too?”
“Mhm! My brother makes it, although I don’t eat it anymore.” You shrug and take another bite of the chili.
“Dad goes to Auntie Lisa’s.”
“Oh, you do?”
“Yeah…”
“That must be so much fun! Her husband is such a good cook. At the last game night there he made this spinach puff things, and I think I ate the whole tray.” You laugh.
“It’s usually a good time, yeah.”
“I’m surprised you don’t do Thanksgiving at Paige’s.”
“Nah, we tend to keep holidays separate. Her family doesn’t really understand the co-parenting.”
“Gram and Gramp are kind of snooty.” Andy says. “I love them, but I usually cap the convo at five minutes, and then I find an excuse to walk away.”
You burst out laughing and so does Harry, and Andy ends up laughing too. After dinner, and the cookies, Andy goes off to start his homework, which leaves you and Harry to clean up in the kitchen.
“He’s a lot like you, you know? He’s very smooth.”
“What do you mean?”
“Bringing up what we all do for Thanksgiving, almost seemed like he was hinting at something.” You smirk. “It’s cute you talk to him about me, honestly.”
“What…I wasn’t-“
“Did you really think I wasn’t going to invite you?”
“I…well, it’s a couple of weeks away and you haven’t mentioned it, so I just figured you weren’t ready for me to meet your family.” He runs a hand through his hair.
“I was going to run it by you tomorrow…I took me a minute to work up the courage to tell my family I was going to invite you, I’m sorry.”
“No! It’s okay, so, you want me to come?”
“I do, would you?”
“Yes.” He puts his hands on your hips and kisses you. “I’d love to.”
“Great!” You wrap your arms around his neck. “I was thinking we could drive down Thursday, and then spend the night at a hotel in the city, and then Friday we could, like, do a ton of touristy Boston things before driving back up.”
“That sounds amazing. Um, let me pay for the hotel though.”
“Oh, please.” You scoff.
“Come on, it’s gonna be really expensive because of the holiday.”
“Julian, Phil’s partner, manages a hotel in the city, he said he could cut me a deal. It’s really no problem.”
“Oh…well, alright then.” He smiles. “I’m excited.”
“Me too.”
“Do you think they’ll like me?”
“I think so, yeah, but I have to warn you…when I first told you about them they had a lot of concern that I was getting involved with someone who has a kid, so they may ask a lot of personal questions. I told them not to, but they tend not to listen to me.”
“Guess it sort of comes with the territory. Nothing I can’t handle.”
You kiss goodbye before you leave, and Harry nearly squeals. He goes down to Andy’s room.
“Guess who got invited to Thanksgiving?”
“Are you serious?!” Andy stands up and gives Harry a high five. “That’s great! You should bake a pumpkin pie, you make the best pumpkin pie.”
“I do, don’t I?” He smirks. “I’ll ask her what I can bring. We’re gonna be going over night together, wow.”
“Is it that big of a deal? You have sleepovers all the time.”
“Andy…”
“I’m not stupid, Dad, she leaves…girly things here.”
“Okay, so we have sleepovers a lot, but going away with someone overnight is, like, next level.”
“You went camping together before you were even together, and then you went to that conference.”
“We didn’t share a room at the conference. It’s…it’s just different, okay? A good different. It’s gonna be great.”
“How come she doesn’t stay over when I’m here?”
“We haven’t really been together long enough for that. I don’t think she really feels comfortable just yet.”
“Why? You’re just sleeping.”
“Right…”
Andy gives Harry a weird look, and then his eyes widen.
“Oh, Jesus, Dad, don’t be gross!”
“I didn’t say anything!”
“You’re so annoying, get out!”
Harry puts his hands up in defense and walks away. He really didn’t mean anything by his response, but Andy was smart, and sex was still an awkward topic. He wouldn’t even watch a movie with Harry now if there was a kissing scene in it. Things were okay with Brandon, and that was all Harry cared about. He was sort of hoping health class would help.
//
Andy had a half day at school on Wednesday, so Harry had to pick him up and bring him back to the university. When he was picking him up he noticed him saying goodbye to Brandon. They were hugging…for a while.
“See you Monday, have fun at your mom’s.” Brandon smiles as he lets go of Andy.
“Thanks, have a good time in Connecticut.”
“Text me if you need me…I know it’s a lot for you over there for so long.”
“I will, I’ll probably need to call you Thursday night.”
“Works for me, it’ll give me an excuse to get away from cousins. I really don’t feel like staying up to play Barbie’s with them.” He rolls his eyes.
“You’re the best.” He looks over and sees Harry’s car. “My dad’s here…bye.”
“Bye.”
They hug one more time and then Andy walks over to Harry’s car, getting in the back seat.
“Hey, how was the half day.”
“Good.” Andy shrugs. “We just ate food and watched a movie.”
“Are you still hungry? I brought some extra snacks to my office this morning.”
“Yeah, I’m hungry. Did you bring anything good?”
“Cheese sticks and grapes.”
“Guess that’s fine.”
“You’re gonna eat a lot of junk this weekend, couldn’t letcha eat a bad snack with me before Mum comes to get you.”
When Harry gets back to his office with Andy, he sees you laughing with Andre. Now, Harry knew he had nothing to worry about with Andre, but he was definitely curious to see what was so funny.
“Hi, Y/N!” Andy says, hugging you.
“Oh! Hi, Andy.” You smile and hug him back.
“What’s so funny?” Harry asks coolly.
“Oh, Y/N was just pointing out how students just skip class all week to beat the traffic, but we don’t have that luxury.”
“I mean, I know all classes after three are cancelled, so we can sort of leave early, but come on. At least let me know you’re not gonna be there.” You say. “Whatever, just need to teach one more class.”
“Can I go?” Andy asks.
“Andy…Y/N’s teaching a class about rhetoric, it’s a little high level for you.”
“I don’t have any homework or anything to do, and I don’t feel like just sitting around.”
“He can come if he wants.” You shrug. “Gotta go now though.”
“Okay!” Andy runs into Harry’s office to grab his snack and then joins you.
“He really likes her, huh?” Andre says to Harry.
“Yeah, he does.”
//
What you were talking about in class was way over Andy’s head, but what he did understand was when you put an episode of The Office. You wanted to show different persuasion tactics used while making a sale, and you thought it would be relatable for the students. Andy thought you were the coolest person in the world for showing it.
“Alright, I hope you all have a great few days off, I’ll see you Monday.” You say at the end of class. Andy gets up from the back of the class and comes towards you. “So, what did you think?”
“I liked the part where you put on The Office.” He giggles.
“I thought so.”
“I didn’t understand a word you said, but I sort of got some of it when you put the show on. It’s sort of cool how, like, a sow you could watch just for fun could have a deeper meaning.”
“It’s very cool.” You smile and walk with him back down to Harry’s office.
You stop short when you see Paige sitting on the edge of his desk.
“Mum?”
“Hi, honey! I came to surprise you. I had a half day today too.” She smiles and hugs him. “Hi, Y/N.”
“Hi, how are you?”
“I’m good, thanks. Dad already helped me put your things in my car, so we’re good to go.”
“Oh…alright.” Andy gives Harry a hug goodbye. “Have in Boston.”
“Thanks, buddy.” Harry stands up and puts his hands in his pockets.
“Boston?” Paige raises an eyebrow with a smile.
“He’s coming home with me.” You say.
“That’s great! Well, safe travels.”
“Bye, Y/N.” Andy hugs you and out the door they go.
“Did you know she was coming here to get him?”
“No, she texted me, like, two seconds after you went to class, sorry.”
“No, it’s fine, I just wasn’t expecting to see her.”
“You know, she mentioned a while back that she’d like to get together with you sometime…I think it might be a good idea for you to get to know her better.”
“Harry, no offense, but I don’t need to be best friends with your ex.”
“I’m not asking you to be, but you’re in Andy’s life, she wants to get to know you better.”
“Just a one on one thing?”
“Yeah.”
“I’ll think about it.” You say and leave his office. He follows you into yours and you sigh.
“Do you have a problem with Paige?”
“No, of course not. I just don’t feel super comfortable getting together with her so she can grill me.”
“That’s not why she wants to meet up with you.”
“So, it wouldn’t be a couple of hours of her asking me a bunch of questions?”
“Well, you’d ask her questions too. I did the same with Noah, and I get along great with him.”
“I get along just fine with her.”
“You’ve been around her, like, four times.”
“And it’s been great every time, why rock the boat?” You shrug.
“Y/N…she’s the mother of my kid, she’s not going anywhere, and it would mean a lot to me if you got to know her better, alright?”
“Alright…maybe once the semester is over she and I could get together for lunch or something.”
He smiles at you and kisses your cheek.
“You’re the best.”
“Someone has to be.” You sigh and it makes him laugh. “Did you want to just stay at my place tonight so we can leave from there tomorrow?”
“Yeah, sounds good. What time do you want me over?”
“Seven?”
“I’ll be there.”
//
Harry: what should I pack for clothes, how fancy is dinner?
You: I’ll just be in jeans a blouse, wear what makes you comfortable
You thought it was sweet that Harry was a little nervous to meet your family. They weren’t scary people, but you were the baby, and you knew that came with a lot of questions. Harry comes over a little after seven in some joggers and a long sleeve shirt, and a couple of bags.
“Mm, smells good in here.” He says, kissing your cheek.
“I just finished baking what I need to bring.”
“I made a pumpkin pie to bring, could I stick it in the fridge?”
“That’s so sweet! Of course, go right ahead.”
You take his bags and bring them into your disaster of a room. You hadn’t been very good at putting your laundry away once it was folded, nor were you good about getting your dirty laundry in the hamper. You sigh and start running around to tidy it up.
“I thought you did chores once a week?” Harry chuckles as he stands in the doorway.
“I…haven’t been making much time for it with all the work I need to do. And then I come in here and it’s just too overwhelming. Everywhere else is fine though.”
“You know, having a messy room can cause just as much anxiety before you go to bed because you get reminded of the stress-“
“Har?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t need a lecture from you on my messy bedroom, okay?”
“Wasn’t giving you one.” He raises his hands in defense. “Don’t feel like you need to clean it just because I’m here either.”
“No, I don’t wanna come back to a mess, just…go watch TV until I’m done in here, it’s mostly just laundry.”
“I can help if you want.” You make a face at him. “What? I could throw a load in for you, or help you put things away.”
“You can help by just giving me a minute. I’ve been trying to reconfigure things, I may buy a larger dresser soon.”
“Why? You could just go through get rid of what you don’t need. Perfect time of year to do it.”
“I did that already…” You bite your bottom lip. “I was thinking…well…you come over a lot, and I’ve been trying to clean out a couple of drawers for you so you could just leave some weekend clothes here if you wanted.”
“R-really?” He looks at you like a wide eyed puppy.
“Yeah, we’ve been together five months, I think it makes sense to give you a drawer, I even made room in my bathroom for you, come look.” You tug him into the bathroom “I put up this rack so you could leave some shaving stuff or whatever you usually bring. If you’re comfortable with it.”
“You won’t mind my stuff crowding you?”
“No, if anything it’ll be like you’re here when you’re not here.” You say quietly and look at him. “I leave things at your place, I want you to leave things here.”
Harry tilts your chin up to look at him and he kisses you. He never had a relationship like this before. Well, he sort of did this with Paige, but it was different. He thought it was so sweet that you wanted these pieces of him around, and he knows he should do the same for you.
“Next time you’re at my place, there will be a drawer and some closet space for you.” He smiles. “I’ll go watch some TV while you do your thing.”
“Thanks.”
Around forty-five minutes later you plop down onto the couch next to Harry, and sigh. He throws an arm around you and kisses your temple.
“What are you watching?”
“SNL’s Thanksgiving clip show.”
“Oh fun!”
“What time do we need to be on the road tomorrow?”
“Not terribly early. Today’s the big travel day, I didn’t hit any traffic last year. We can leave around eleven.”
“Amazing. I don’t mind getting up early, but it’s nice to not have to sleep in on our days off.”
“I agree.”
You both shift so you can lay on top of him. He rubs your back, and you both giggle over the funny sketches. You pull a blanket over the two of you, and just get really cozy.
“I’m excited to be going overnight with you in the city. Where are we going Friday?”
“I thought we could take the T to Faneuil Hall and do some shopping, and then we could go to the North End for food.”
“Sounds good to me. Is there anything specific I need to know about your family before I meet them?”
“Not really…my parents can be sort of abrasive, but they mean well. Phil and Julian are pretty chill.”
“How long have they been together for?”
“God, like…six years I think.”
“That’s nice.”
“They’re a great couple. I think everyone will like you, Harry, nothing to worry about.” You lean up and kiss his forehead.
He cups your cheeks and pulls you closer to kiss your lips. You skootch up his body, and his hands slide down to your ass. You bite down on his bottom lip briefly before pulling away.
“Can we be lame and just go get really cozy in bed?” You say.
“Not lame at all, I’m pretty tired from all the grading I did this afternoon.”
You get off him and you both do your nightly routines before getting into bed.
“Y/N?”
“Yeah?”
“Why is your bed so warm already?”
“Oh! I turned my heated blanket on before I came out to watch TV with you. Nice and toasty, right?”
“Very.” He chuckles. “Now turn over so I can have that booty.”
“Harry.” You laugh, but do as he says, and adjust right into him. His leg goes right over your hip like always, and he holds you nice and close.
“I’m so glad you like sleeping like this, I don’t know what I’d do.” He chuckles into the back of your head.
“I know, could you imagine if I wasn’t to feel crushed while I’m sleeping?”
“Y/N.” He laughs.
“For real, I sleep so well with you.”
“Me too.” He nuzzles in closer. “Maybe when I get back from London you could try sleeping over on school nights.” You turn over to face him immediately.
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah…wouldn’t be so weird, would it?”
“How would Andy feel about it?”
“He asks all the time why you don’t just spend the night when you have dinner with us. We could try it out and see how it goes.”
“With you in London for a few weeks, what does he do for school?”
“Oh, Paige just drives him back and forth.”
“That’s not annoying?”
“She really doesn’t mind it, it’s just extra time to spend together. It’s only two weeks for him to deal with it.”
“I could…help with rides if need be…or if he misses the house at all I could always stay over there with him.”
“Oh, so you’ll have sleepover with him without me?”
“I’m just saying, I can be helpful.”
“I appreciate that.” He kisses you. “So, will you try sleeping over some night when I get back?”
“Yeah, as long as he’s okay with it, we can give it a try. I wouldn’t mind carpooling.”
You kiss again, and you turn back over so he can spoon you. Five months together, and things were going so well.
//
The next morning your alarm goes off at 8:30. You turn it off quickly, and when you try to get up Harry clings to you tighter.
“Harry.” You giggle. “I need to shower.”
“But you’re so cozy.” He groans.
“You know how long it takes me to blow dry and curl my hair, please let me get up.”
“Alright.” He sighs. “But I’m going in there with you.”
“Oh, you are?” You raise an eyebrow at him.
“Mhm, gonna fuck you in there.” He grins at you. “If you want.”
“Hmmm.” You pretend to mull it over, but you grin back at him and nod.
Now, typically, you wouldn’t just let a guy stick it in, and trust his pullout game, but condoms in the shower never felt good, so you and Harry may have agreed that shower sex was the one time he didn’t need a condom. The first time you did it like this, not too long ago, you nearly cried from how good it felt it really feel him inside you.
“Oh, fuck, right there, Harry!” You moan out as he thrusts into you from behind, his skin slapping against yours. You reach back to squeeze at his arm as you come undone, and he pulls out shortly after to come on your ass. You both sigh with relief.
“Feel like horny teenager with you sometimes.” He chuckles as he starts to lather up his body.
“Me too.” You start washing your hair.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“I know you said you got off the pill because it didn’t make you feel good, but…are there other birth controls out there that don’t fuck with you?”
“Yeah, they’re called condoms.” You say as you put some conditioner in.
“Y/N.” He rolls his eyes and steps into the water once you’re done rinsing your hair.
“I mean…I know there’s an IUD that doesn’t mess with your hormones, but the procedure is a tad invasive, and it probably wouldn’t even be in there that long.”
“Why’s that?” He scrubs his own head so he doesn’t see your face flush.
“I just mean, like, I don’t know, what’s wrong with what we’re doing?”
“Nothing…I guess selfishly it would be nice to do it like this all the time, and not have to worry.” He looks at you. “You done?” He asks as he reaches to turn the water off.
“Yeah.” You pull the curtain and get toweled up, and hand him his. “I get where you’re coming from with that…I just…selfishly I don’t wanna compromise on it. If you’re worried about pulling out, then we don’t need to fuck in the shower like this. We can just go back to what we were before.”
“But I like fucking you in the shower like this.” He pouts and puts his hands on your hips. “You won’t even think about going on something?”
“I’m sorry, Harry…I don’t want to.”
“Alright.” He sighs. “I get it, I suppose. Condoms it is.” He kisses your forehead and leaves you to do your hair.
When you finish with your hair, you don’t see Harry in your bedroom. You go into the kitchen and see him fully dressed, getting some peanut butter on toast.
“Here, a light breakfast.” He smiles.
“Thank you.” You kiss his cheek, and take a bite of the toast. “You look handsome.” You smile at him and he smiles back.
“I’m gonna go call Andy while you’re finishing up. Do you mind if I use your office?”
“Not at all! Go right ahead.”
You finish up the toast and then go back into your room to finish getting ready. You put on a pair of black jeans, and a blue long sleeve blouse, and then go into the bathroom to put a little makeup on.
“Y/N?” Harry pops his head into the bathroom.
“Yeah?” You giggle.
“Andy wants to wish you a happy Thanksgiving.”
“Oh!” You reach out for the phone. “Hello?”
“Hi, Y/N!”
“Hi, Andy, happy turkey day.” You smile.
“You too! You and Dad are going to Boston for a couple of days, huh?”
“That’s right! Want us to bring you back anything special?”
“That depends…where are you going?”
“We’re going to be where a ton of Italian restaurants are, which means Italian bakeries. Would you like a fresh cannoli brought back to you?”
“I think I’d like you forever if you did that.” He laughs and so do you.
“Then I think that can be arranged.”
“Okay! Sorry, Mum wants to talk to Dad…”
“Oh! That’s fine, it was nice talking to you.” You hand the phone back to Harry. He was smiling ear to ear.
“Hey, yeah, he is polite isn’t he?” Harry chuckles and steps out of the bathroom. When you come out to the living room he’s sitting on the couch reading.
“All set?”
“Yeah, was just waiting for you. You’re good to go?”
“Mhm, would you carry the food down to the car for me?” You say, putting your jacket on.
“Yup, I’ll grab our bags too.”
“Thank you.” You give him a quick kiss and out the door you go.
You didn’t have an automatic start on your car and you wanted to warm it up a bit. Harry brings everything down to the car, and off you go towards the highway. He keeps a hand on your thigh as his other hand’s fingers drum along to whatever music you’ve put on. You liked that even when you were the one driving he still had a hand on you.
“I can drive us back tomorrow if you’d like.” He speaks up.
“That’s okay, it’s really not that long of a drive. Hour and twenty, max.”
“Takes me two hours to get to Boston…”
“You, my darling, drive like a grandma, that’s why.” You smirk.
“I do not!” He laughs. “I’m careful.”
“You don’t go over seventy…”
“That’s the speed limit! And you know as well as I do the state police up here pull everyone over.”
“You know what’s funny? I got pulled over before I got my NH plates, now I never get pulled over. I do eighty on the highway up here, and that’s perfect.”
“It’s too fast.”
“No, going ninety would be too fast. Just wait until we’re really driving in the city, you’ll be amazed at my swiftness.”
“You mean at your aggressiveness.”
“It’s called being a defensive driver. Maybe when Andy gets older I should be the one to teach him how to drive, or else we’ll have two grannies on our hands.” You throw him a cheeky grin and he just rolls his eyes at you.
“He’s never going driving with you unless I’m there too.”
Harry would never admit it, but he really liked it when you’d drop little hints that you were in this for the long haul. It would be years until Andy would be able to get his permit, and yet, here you are, thinking ahead about it. It was something you did once in a while, even this morning, Harry picked up on it when you mentioned how pointless an IUD would be. It was too soon to talk about kids and stuff, but he knew that was where your head was at, and it made him feel really good.
“You teach him how to park a car, you’re way better at that. I’m such a nervous parker.” You laugh. “One time I had to drive my boss to a conference we were both going to, and I had to park in a garage, and you know how narrow those spots can be. I told him I was nervous at parking, and he covered his eyes so I could park the car. He was such a sweet man, had kids my age at the time.”
“Would you like for me to do that from now on? Cover my eyes so you can park your car?” He chuckles.
“I wouldn’t hate it.”
“Why do you get so nervous?”
“I have my dad to thank for that. He’d watch me back out of the driveway just to make sure I didn’t run over the grass, it was so annoying.”
“Ah, a very dad thing to do. Grass is really important to us, you know? If you’ve got a shitty lawn it reflects poorly on you.” He smirks.
“Oh, shut up.” You roll your eyes. “You both can bond about going to Lowe’s on the weekends and looking at planks of wood.”
Harry bursts out laughing because that is definitely something he’s done before.
“I don’t just look at planks of wood, I also often go and look at the different types of mulch.”
“Do you ever bring a tape measure with you?”
“Keep one in my trunk, actually. Never know when you’ll need to take measurements for something.”
“Jesus.” You laugh and shake your head. “When you become a dad is there like an initiation ceremony where you get a bunch of that stuff?”
“Oh, sure, but it’s top secret. I’ve said too much already.”
You giggle at him. You were happy long car rides were never awkward with Harry. You could joke around, and then also sit in a comfortable silence. Today was going to be a good day.
//
Phil lived in a really nice condominium in the newly renovated areas of Southie. Harry was impressed that a sous chef could afford such a nice neighborhood.
“It’s kind of sad because this used to be where more of the affordable housing was, and then it got really gentrified. In their spare time, Phil and Julian try to help out and volunteer their time to help the people that got pushed out.”
“Wow, good for them.”
Harry helps carry the food as you key into the building, and lead him towards the elevator. You knock on the door before going in.
“Hello!” You say brightly as you both walk in.
“Hey!” Julian says, giving you a hug and kiss. “Come on in, Phil’s just basting the turkey. Hello.” He smiles at Harry.
“Hi, nice to meet you.” They shake hands, and Julian takes the food from him.
“Oh! A pumpkin pie, just what we needed, thank you.”
“No problem.” Harry smiles. You hook your arm around his waist as you walk further into the home.
“Hey!” Phil says coming over to the two of you. He gives you a hug and shakes Harry’s hand.
“This is Harry.” You say.
“Nice to meet you, man. Heard a lot of good things.” Phil smiles.
“Nice to meet you too. This is a great place.”
“Thanks! Been here for, like, what…three years?” He asks Julian.
“Yup! Almost three and a half. Got for a steal at the time.”
“Are Mum and Dad here?” You ask.
“Yeah, in the living room. Go and get comfortable, everything’s still cooking. They’re watching the parade.”
You nod and lead Harry into the living room.
“Mum, Dad, we’re here.” You say and they both get up to say hello. “Harry, this is my mum, Rebecca, and my dad, Richard.”
“Hi, it’s nice to meet you both.” He shakes both of their hands.
“Finally!” Your mom nearly squeals and throws her arms around Harry, and gives him a nice, wet kiss on the cheek. “It’s so good to meet you, Harry. We were starting to think you were made up!”
“Mum…I’ve shown you pictures.”
“You’re awfully good at that photoshop nonsense, could have just been edited.” She scoffs. “You’re very handsome.”
“Um…thank you.” His cheeks were incredibly red.
“Where’s your son today?” Your dad asks and you want to smack him for diving right in.
“Oh, he’s with his mum and her family today. She’s not from the U.K. like I am, so she actually celebrates Thanksgiving, I just observe.” He jokes, but it doesn’t land, so he clears his throat. “It’s just part of our custody agreement, I get him for Christmas.”
Your parents share a look, and then both smile at Harry.
“Your brother put out some munchies until dinner’s ready.” Your mom says. “Come, sit, I know the drive was long.”
“It wasn’t too bad, not much traffic to complain about.” You say as you stick a carrot into some dip. “Can I get you a drink, Har? Phil’s got beer and wine.”
“Just a beer would be great, thank you.”
You smile and go into the kitchen. He almost wishes he followed you because your parents stay looking at him. He was wearing a nice button up, so his tattoos weren’t overly exposed, so it couldn’t be that.
“So, how old is your son?” Your mom asks.
“Eleven, he’ll be twelve in May. His name is Andy.”
“Is it short for Andrew, or is it just Andy?” Your dad asks.
“It’s short for Andrew.” Harry smiled. “Andrew Jacob Styles.”
“What a lovely name.” You mom smiles. “Is he named after anyone?”
“Um, Jacob is a family name on his mum’s side, and Andrew was just a name with both really liked.” He shrugs. “Nothing more to it than that.”
“You’re still close with her, his mum…” Your dad notes.
“Sort of. We do the co-parenting to the best of our ability. Living close by helps with that.”
“I think it’s nice you can get along so well. We have some friends who have divorced, and they can’t stand each other. I feel terrible for the kids, they get caught in the middle, unfortunately.”
“Well, my ex and I were never ma-“
“Here were are.” You say, handing Harry a beer, a glass of red in your other hand. “How’s the parade?” You ask sitting down next to Harry.
“Y/N, you interrupted our conversation.” Your dad says. “Harry was just explaining to us how his co-parenting works.”
“Dad…I don’t think Harry really wants to talk about that right now, okay?”
“It’s alright.” Harry says. “I know it must be a tad odd for your daughter to be dating someone with so much baggage, I get it.” He takes a sip of his beer. “I was young, accidents happen, but I wouldn’t change a thing.” He puts his arm around you and sits a little more comfortably.
“Well, we hope to meet little Andy at some point.” Your mom says. “Maybe this summer we can come up for a little visit, Y/N.”
“Yeah, maybe.” You smile and lean into Harry. “He’s so sweet, and funny. He’s a really talented painter too. He’s decorated some things in my office for me.”
“Wow, that’s a big deal. You wouldn’t even let me help decorate.” Your mom chuckles.
“Because your taste is terrible, Mum, no offense.” You grimace.
“She’s right, Becky.” Your dad laughs.
“Oh, what do you two know?” She stands up. “I’m going to see if Phil needs help.”
You and your dad laugh a little.
“Good, now I can switch it to football. I actually don’t give a fuck about the parade.” Richard says. “Pardon my French.”
“No worries.” Harry says. “I don’t give a fuck either.” He grins and it makes your dad laugh.
Okay, despite the bit of awkwardness at the beginning, this was actually going pretty well. You knew your parents had their reservations with Harry, but they didn’t seem too put off. After an hour or so of watching football, everyone is called to the dining area for dinner. The spread looked incredible, your brother outdid himself. He and Julian sit at the heads of the table, and then you and Harry sit across from your parents.
“Before we dig in, I just want to say how thankful I am that we could all be together today.” Phil says. “This is the first year I didn’t have to work, so we were able to do this at a normal hour like other families. It’s nice having to wait until nearly eight o’clock.” He smiles. “Two is much better. Enjoy!”
Everyone hums in agreement, and take what they want. Phil made plenty of veggies and other meatless options for you and Harry.
“Harry, how long have you been a professor for?” Julian asks once everyone has what they want.
“Um, like, ten years I’d say. I taught while I was getting my master’s, so I count that. Got my PhD a little over four years ago, though.”
“Very cool, and did you know you always wanted to be a teacher or…?”
“Honestly, no.” He chuckles. “But I really liked what I was studying and researching, and I knew I wanted to keep doing that, and so when I was getting my master’s and became a TA, I fell in love with teaching. I don’t think I could do it at a K-12 level, but I really like teaching at a collegiate level.”
“That’s exactly what Y/N always says.” Phil says.
“It’s true! I don’t think I could teach young kids, but I really like the college kids. Especially the upperclassmen, they’re a tad more mature.”
“Harry, how did you end up over here in the states?” Your mom asks.
“Ah, well, I was looking to study abroad. I went to a school in London my freshman year, and I liked it, but I really wanted to branch out, so I ended up in New York for school. I loved it.”
“And…now you live in New Hampshire?” Your dad asks.
“Yeah, so, when I was looking for master’s programs I was looking for schools in that area because, um, my ex’s grandparents lived in the lakes region, and we needed a bit of help. Her parents live in Connecticut, and there weren’t any schools I wanted to go to out there, so I ended up at UNH for that. The drive to Manchester every day wasn’t fun, but it made things easier to have her family closer by. It was a decent compromise. I almost moved to that area full time, but her grandparents passed away, and she had to take their home over, so I ended up at our university for my doctoral program so I could stay close to my son.” He takes a sip of his drink. “I fell in love with area. I got into hiking and some of the other outdoorsy stuff there is to do. It’s home now.”
“And your family, they’re in the U.K.?” Phil asks.
“Yeah, my mum and sister both live in London. Mum’s retired and lives with my sister. She’s married with a couple of kids, so she may as well be a live in nanny.” He chuckles. “I bring Andy home to see them for Christmas, and sometimes they come to visit in the summer.”
“So, do you have dual citizenship or just a work visa?” Julian asks.
“He wouldn’t need that since he married a U.S. citizen.” Your dad says.
“See, I was trying to explain earlier, we never got married.” Harry explains. “Um…so, yeah, I have dual citizenship. I was here on a school visa for a bit, and then I got the work visa, but I knew I was stayed so I went through the citizenship process. It was a real bitch, I have to say.”
The table laughs and agrees. The conversation turns to politics, only briefly, and then goes back to light chatter. Once dessert is out and eaten, everyone is stuffed. You and Harry help clean up, and then your parents leave shortly after. Everyone feels like they can take a deep breath now.
“So you two are staying at Julian’s hotel, yeah?” Phil asks.
“Yup, why?” You raise an eyebrow.
“How about we meet you guys in the city, and we go to that bar we all like?”
“That sounds great! Meet us there around eight?”
“Works for me.”
“That work for you?” You ask Harry.
“Yeah, sounds like fun.” He smiles.
//
Once you’re checking into the hotel, you head to the elevator, and go up to your room. Harry notes how nice the hotel is, and you agree. Julian was a really good manager, and did well to make sure that the place ran smoothly. You key into the room, and you both plop down on the bed with a big sigh.
“I’m stuffed.” Harry says with a slight chuckle.
“Same here.” You look over to your bag and tug it towards you, rummaging through it and pulling out a small purple bottle. “Um…so…usually we each have two different bathrooms to use when we have sleepovers, or maybe…we don’t tend to use the bathroom in a certain way, but that’ll be different tonight so I brought this.” You show him the small bottle. “So…we can just use the bathroom and not feel embarrassed.”
Harry smirks and takes the small bottle to read it.
“Poo-perize…” He looks at you.
“You just spray it before you go, and it’s like you never went at all.”
“Ah, well, good thinking. I wouldn’t want you knowing that I took a shit.”
“Harry.” You groan and snatch the bottle from him.
“Are you telling me you’ve never shit at my house in the five months we’ve been together?”
“I…have…just not a lot. I don’t know, I’m not good with other people’s bathrooms. I’m just gonna go stick this in there.”
You get up while he shakes his head and laughs at you. You come back out and lay down next to him on the bed.
“I’m gonna tell you something I told Andy when he was about two years old.” He says to you.
“What’s that?”
“Everybody poops.”
“Gah!” You exasperate. “I know that, obviously, I just don’t want you thinking about me doing it…”
“It’s not like my ear’s gonna be pressed up against the door!” He laughs. “Lighten up.” He pulls you to rest your head on his chest and he kisses you on the top of your head.
“Did you have fun earlier? I hope my parents weren’t too invasive.”
“They were fine, I totally understood why they were asking what they were asking. I know it’s odd for someone my age to have a kid in middle school.”
“I just don’t want you to think they were judging. I actually think they really liked you.”
“I’m glad to hear it. It’ll be nice for them to come visit in the summer. Maybe we could all go to the cabin.”
“God, they would love that, babe.” You snuggle further into him.
After resting for a while, and using the bathroom, you both head down to meet Phil and Julian at a bar down the street. You all grab a booth and start a tab for drinks.
“So, this is where you all go when you visit?” Harry asks you once the drinks are on the table.
“Sort of, this is where I come with them.”
“Y/N has probably been to every bar in this city.” Phil laughs.
“You’re gonna make me sound like an alcoholic!” You laugh. “When you go to school in the city, you gotta find the good places to go. All trial and error.”
“You also had a really good fake ID.” Julian smirks. “Remember when we took her out for her twenty-first, and the bartender practically scolded her?” He laughs.
“Oh my god, he was so mad at me.” You take a sip of your drink. “There was this one place I had been sneaking into for years, and I wanted my twenty-first birthday party to be there, and I had been pretty friendly with the bartender, right? So I had him my new ID, and he, oh my god, I thought he was gonna flip his shit.”
“He gave you free shots though, so he couldn’t have been too mad.” Phil winks at you and you just shake your head.
“Yeah.” You roll your eyes.
The reason the bartender had not flipped out, thrown you out was because you promised a very a good blow job in the bathroom on his break. You had delivered, and then he gave you free shots all night, and you ended up going home with him to further explore after said blow job, but you weren’t about to expose yourself to Harry like that. You didn’t want him to think you were immature, even if it was something that happened years ago.
“Must be nice to have grown up in a place where the legal drinking age is eighteen.” Julian says to Harry.
“Yeah, it was pretty sweet that last year before going to uni. My friends and I would go to the clubs, get in a bit of trouble.” He chuckles after taking a sip of his drink. “I’m kind of glad I came to America for the rest of school, I think it helped me settle down a bit.”
“I studied abroad for culinary school,” Phil starts, “mostly in France, but when I would go out with my friends it would definitely get wild. It was a culture shock to start the evenings so late! We wouldn’t leave until midnight sometimes.”
“Yeah, that’s exactly how it is, and we’d stay out until after four in the morning most times.”
“That was the first time I saw hard drugs being used so casually. People just doing lines in the bathroom and stuff. It happens here too, but it was way less taboo over there.”
“Phil, did you ever…?” You ask him.
“God no, I mean, I smoked share of weed, but I never did anything more than that. I was too afraid of being fucked up while chopping something in the kitchen.”
“Did you?” You ask Harry. You were more curious than anything.
“Yeah.” He says casually with a shrug. “Like I said, I’m glad I came here to finish school.”
“Holy shit, what did it feel like?” You gaze up at him. “I’ve never done anything like that, I’ve never even gotten high…”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” He gives your hand a squeeze. “It was so long ago, I don’t really remember, honestly. You just sort of feel happy and out of it.”
“Y/N, you never smoked or did an edible or anything?” Phil asks, almost shocked.
“I mean, I’ve been hot boxed before, but that’s it. I just stuck to drinking.” You laugh. “I was too scared, I didn’t know if I would be one of those people that would freak out or have a bad trip or something.” You finish your drink and so does everyone else.
“Does everyone want the same thing? I can go up and get the next round.” Harry offers.
“That’d be great.” Julian says, and you and Phil nod. Harry gives you a quick kiss before getting up to go to the bar. “He’s dreamy, Y/N, I don’t know how you get any work done.”
“Yeah, I don’t know what type of guy I was expecting, but I’d let him leave marks on me too.”
“Phil!” You giggle. “I’m glad you both like him so far. He’s amazing.”
“And things are still good between you and his kid?”
“Yeah! Andy really likes me. I think it helps that he had time to get used to me a little when Harry and I were just friends. Something tells me Harry had mentioned he had a little crush on me to him though because there was this one time Andy texted me from Harry’s phone to ask me to come get ice cream with them.” You giggle again. “It was so cute.”
“Little wing man, that’s sweet.” Phil nods.
“Sometimes I feel bad because you can tell he prefers to be with me and Harry, as opposed to his mum and soon to be step-dad…I don’t really get it.”
“He’s eleven, right?” Julian asks and you nod. “I get it. I was a total momma’s boy, and then when I started middle school, I wanted nothing to do with my mom, and it killed her. We fought all the time, and I found myself wanting to be with my dad more. Not even to talk, just being in his presence, you know? I think it’s puberty. I have a great relationship with my mom now. It’s just a phase.”
“Yeah, plus, it must be weird to have two father figures in your life. One’s telling you what to do, but you also wanna respect your actual father. Must be confusing.”
“Alright.” Harry says as he sits down with the four drinks. “What I miss?”
“Nothing, babe.” You smile and kiss his cheek. “These two were just swooning over you, that’s all.” You grin at your brother and his partner.
“Really? Well, I’m flattered.” Harry jokes.
“I have to know, do students, like, throw themselves at you?” Phil asks.
“Um, not so much anymore, when I was younger they did. A lot of them also know I’m spoken for now, so that helps.”
“It’s so awkward! Some of the senior boys I advise have tried flirting with me in our meetings, and I’m like…you’re kidding right? Keep your shrimp dick to yourself.” You take a large sip of your drink and sway your head to the music in the bar.
“I’d love to know what some kid could possibly even say to you in that setting.” Phil chuckles.
“They think they’re so adult, you know? It’s all in the body language. They adjust themselves, trying to get me to look down, and they’ll bite their bottom lips to be sexy, it’s repulsive really. But my problem is I bite my lip when I feel nervous so then they think it’s working, and then they’re shocked when I’m like actually you deserved a D on this.”
Phil and Julian laugh, but Harry doesn’t really like the sound of anyone flirting with you.
“You know, you can report that if it gets aggressive.” He says.
“Oh, it’s fine. They realize when I don’t give in that it doesn’t work, and they should just put the work in.” You see the concern on his face. “Don’t worry, if it was that aggressive I’d call H.R. right away.” You put your hand on his thigh and give it a squeeze.
“You know what I think we should after this? Go to an actual club. I feel like dancing and working off all that food.” Julian says.
“Ugh, I knew you were going to say that.” Phil groans. “I’m exhausted.”
“Can’t help it.” He shrugs and looks at you. “Y/N?”
“Fuck yeah.” You look up at Harry. “What do you say? You’ve never really seen me dance before.”
“That’s true, I could be up for that, although, I probably won’t do much dancing.”
“Good, I’ll have someone to hang back with while these two pop their asses.” Phil says and it makes everyone laugh.
//
Phil and Julian order an uber to take you and Harry to one of the lgbtq+ friendly clubs they knew of in a different part of the city. You had been there with them before so you were excited. You were also excited that Harry was being such a good sport.
You get into the club easily since the bouncer knew Phil and Julian well, and you all go up to the bar to get drinks. You decide on something fun and fruity while Harry opts for a gin and tonic. Wannabe by the Spice Girls comes on and Julian yanks you onto the dance floor.
“It’ll be hours before we see them again.” Phil chuckles and takes a sip of drink.
“You never dance?”
“Sometimes I do, but it’s not my favorite. I’m not very coordinated.”
“Neither am I! I look like an idiot whenever I dance.” Harry laughs. “But I suppose that’s half the fun.”
Harry peers into the crowd and smiles when he sees you and Julian shouting the words to the song to each other, and giggling. He watches as the two of you dance together and it makes him smile more.
“You two have been together a long time then?” Harry asks. “If you both took her out for her twenty-first?”
“Yeah! That was around the time we made things official. We met right before I went to Italy to do some more studying, and then when I came back we decided to really be together. He’s amazing, an incredible partner. He’s brilliant, honestly.”
“Are you two married, or…?”
“We’re in a civil union.” Phil shrugs. “We’ve talked openly about it, and neither of us really feel the need to get married, you know? We know we wanna be together, we don’t need a court or a piece of paper to lock it in. We each wear these rings.” Phil holds up his left hand. “See the one on my middle finger? That’s a promise ring he gave to me, and I gave one to him. That’s enough.”
“That’s really sweet.” Harry smiles.
“You have a lot of cool rings.” Phil takes one of Harry’s hands to look them over.
“Thanks! Started collecting them basically when I was nineteen. I’ve always really liked rings and bracelets.”
“And perfectly manicured nails?” Phil raises an eyebrow at him.
“Started doing that in uni. The crowd I hung out with was into black nail polish, I got into it too. It’s actually what helped me snag my ex.” He rubs the back of his neck with his free hand.
“Really?”
“Yeah, we were friends for a bit, and one night she got really drunk and she started crying because her nail ripped and she just wanted to take all the polish off and start over, and I told her I had stuff back at my room to do that, so I took her back with me and basically did her nails. I let her sleep in my bed and I slept on the floor, and then the next morning before I could even say anything she kissed me.”
“Oh my god, that’s like out of a movie.” Phil swoons, letting go of Harry’s hand. “But I think I like the story of the camping trip with my sister better.” He takes a sip of his drink. “Actually, I think I like that you casually brought her to a family party, and then brought her back to your place to watch the sunset.”
“Told her I liked her that night too, but I back peddled.” Harry chuckles.
“She picked up on that, but I think she chose to ignore it at the time. I’m glad she came to her senses.”
“Me too.” Harry smiles.
After a few songs, you come back to Harry, throwing your arms around his neck. Your fruity drink hitting you much faster than your others.
“Maybe just one more.” You slur.
“Or, and here me out, you could start drinking some water.” He tucks some hair behind your hair to keep it from your sweaty forehead.
“But-“
He dips his mouth to your ear to whisper.
“I’d like to have a little fun when we get back, and we can’t do that if you’re sloshed, babe.” He moves back to look at you with raises eyebrows and you nod. “Great, I’ll go get you some ice water.”
He returns shortly and you guzzle it down. Once you’re all set you make your way back to Julian. Harry taps his foot along with the beat of the song.
“Hey, handsome, can I buy you a drink?” A guy slightly shorter than Harry says to him brightly.
“Um, I’m so sorry, I’m here with someone.” He points over to you.
“Why aren’t you dancing with her then?!”
“He’s got a point, Harry.” Phil teases him.
“You’re not dancing with Julian!”
“Fair enough.” Phil finishes the rest of his drink and strolls over to join you and Julian. You both hoot and holler with excitement.
“Go on, pretty boy, go show your girl a good time.” The man winks and then walks away.
Harry sighs and makes his way over to you. Your eyes light up and your smile says it all. You’re absolutely delighted that he’s come over to you. You wrap your arms around his torso and press your cheek to his chest, swaying back and forth with him. His arms go around you and he rests his chin on the top of your head. It didn’t matter that the song was fast paced, you were happy to just be pressed up against him the way you were. You look up at him, smiling.
“What?” He smiles down at you.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
//
It was a wonderful night out with Phil and Julian, but it had to end sometime, so you and Harry uber back to the hotel around one in the morning. You didn’t want to be too tired for whatever fun he wanted have with you.
“That was fun.” He says to you in the back of the car. “I like them, they were really welcoming.”
“I’m so glad! I figured you’d get along well since you’re around the same age.” You shrug.
“That club was fun too, got hit on by a guy.”
“You did?!”
“Yup.” He says proudly. “Called me handsome and asked me if I wanted a drink, but don’t worry, I told him I was there with someone.”
“Well, thank god, otherwise you’d be in an uber with someone else right now.” You say facetiously and he laughs.
“Should I be offended that you think I could so easily be swayed to leave with someone else?” He nudges you playfully.
“Nah, I’m just teasing. I know you wouldn’t do that.”
“Besides,” he leans in closer to your ear so the driver won’t hear, “the only tight, little hole I wanna fuck is yours.”
Your eyes grow wide and you feel a shiver go down your spine. You know that he’s referring to your other hole. His mouth had been on it enough times now for you to know he definitely wanted to have anal with you, but you weren’t sure of how you felt about it exactly. You could see him maybe using a finger or something, but his entire prick? Your thoughts are broken when you feel his lips on your temple.
You get to the hotel and head up to your room, hand in hand.
“Oh!” You say as you get inside the room. “I brought something to wear to bed, and I really wanna put it on for you.”
“You never wear anything to bed, though.” He chuckles.
“I know! I brought it special for the trip. I didn’t think we’d be out as late as we were. Please? It’s really cute.” You pout.
“It’s just gonna come off a minute after you put it on, but sure.” He smiles and sits on the edge of the bed. “I’ll humor you.”
You grab your bag and bring it into the bathroom with you. This also gives you a chance to just freshen up since you were sweating on the dance floor. You touch up your makeup, apply some fresh deodorant, and spritz a little bit of perfume onto your wrists, and dab a bit behind your neck. Next you take out the garments you wanted to wear for him. It wasn’t incredibly special, but cute nonetheless. It was a pastel purple set of silk pajamas. The top was tank top style with a little bit of lace where you cleavage would sit, and the bottoms were shorts that just show your under-bum. Class, but sexy. You brush your hair out so it looks less frizzy, and then peak your head out of the bathroom door.
“Ready for me?”
“Ready, babe.”
“Close your eyes.”
Harry sighs and closes his eyes. He had already taken his glasses off and put them away. His palms are pressed behind him on the mattress. You tip toe out of the bathroom and come to stand in front of him.
“Okay, open.”
His eyes flutter closed and then they widen when he looks you up and down. You twirl around for him and giggle.
“What do you think?”
“You look…lovely, Y/N.” His hands come up to rest on your hips. “When did you get these?”
“Not too long ago. I’ve been saving it for a night away where I’d maybe have excuse to change into something else.”
“S’very pretty. I love the color on you.”
You smile down at him and get yourself situated so that you’re straddling him. His hands slide down to your ass and he squeezes you. His hands then move up under the back of the top and then he drags his nails down your soft skin and your head rolls back. He takes the opportunity to sponge wet kisses up your jugular, and around to the crook of your neck. He licks up to just under your earlobe, and sinks his teeth into your skin. You gasp from the sensation, loving the way it feels. Your hands move to clutch at his shoulders as he creates a nice, purple mark on your neck.
“Fuck, Harry.” You breathe after he detaches himself from you.
“To match your pj’s.” He smirks.
A slight whimper leaves your lips, and then you start unbuttoning his shirt furiously. He helps you get it off him, and then you run your hands up and down his torso, making scratch marks of your own. You loved the way his stomach would tighten from the feeling of your nails. Your fingers work next to undo his belt and button on his jeans.
“Need you naked.” You kiss him. “Now.”
He nods quickly and you stand up to help him get his pants off. He kicks them to the floor as he works to get his boxers off as well. Once they’re throw somewhere you kiss him again, and work your way down his body. He opens his legs up more you and you plant kisses up and down his hard dick. You move to tease him a little, nipping at his inner thigh the way he would do to you. He cards his fingers through your hair, and makes a makeshift ponytail for you with his fist. You lick up his shaft with the flat of your tongue and the moan his lets out just eggs you on further. You kiss his tip before taking it into your mouth and you sink down on him, taking him as deep as you can before popping back off him.
Not that he ever thought of her while he was with you, but times like this Harry couldn’t help but compare you to Paige. She never did things like this for him. He always had to ask her to do it, and she’d only do it for a couple of minutes. She’d give him a hand job no problem, but she rarely would put her mouth on him, which made him sad because he had no problem doing it for her. You, on the other hand, would often initiate with him, and he loved that about you. Sometimes you’d be lounging on the couch or even just reading in bed together, and you’d look at him. He knew the look very well now, and he would just nod, and all of a sudden your mouth would be on him. Times like this it was just more confirmation that he was with the right person.
Blow jobs were things you didn’t particularly enjoy unless you really liked a guy, which is exactly what you told him when you first gave him one. If you were going to make a guy feel good, you wanted to make sure that guy was going to make you feel just as good, and Harry passed that test. Now, you loved pleasuring him like this no problem. Even when you were on your period, you didn’t care that you couldn’t have much in return unless you got in the shower.
You lick over his slit and moan from the taste, which you didn’t particularly love, but just the fact that he was already leaking for you was enough for you to make the noise. You smear your bottom lip along his tip because you know he likes it sloppy, and you know his precome his bound to dribble down your chin. You look up at him and see he’s already watching you, chest heaving. You bring your face away, a string of spit keeping you attached to him before you lick over your lip and smirk.
“What?”
“Well…it’s just…I’m a little tired.” You look away and then back up to him, your grin growing. “So, what if I just put my mouth over you and you do the work?”
“Are you asking me to fuck your mouth?” He was being very serious.
“Yes, Harry.”
“Are you comfortable on the floor or do you want to get on the bed?”
“Maybe just hand me a pillow for my knees?”
He nods and quickly grabs a pillow from the head of for you. You get it situated to get yourself more comfortable, and you nod. He tightens his grip on your hair as you lower your mouth back around him. He starts by just easing you on and off, up and down. Your eyes flutter closed so you can focus on breathing through your nose. He bucks his hips up carefully to get a little further down your throat, and to help you adjust. You widen your throat as much as you can. You keep one hand on his thigh, and the other you keep in a fist, squeezing your thumb. An old trick you learned in college to help suppress your gag reflex. A placebo at best, but it worked.
“Oh my god, baby.” He groans as he really gets a rhythm going, bobbing your head up and down for you as he moves his hips. “You’re so fucking perfect.”
Your eyes flutter open and you do your best to look at him through your lashes, but all you can see are the ferns on his hips and love handles. You had drool and precome dripping down your chin, and you knew he had to be loving it. He was panting as he looks down at you, biting furiously into his bottom lip as to not disturb whatever neighbors were on either sides of the walls.
He was being extremely careful of you, which just turned you on more. It showed how much self-control he truly had to not just be ramming and thrusting his dick down your throat. Your nails are digging into his thigh, and you do choke on him at one point, but you’re okay. Eventually he has you come fully off of him.
“Don’t wanna come in my mouth?” You ask as you catch your breath and wipe your chin with the back of your hand.
“Not if you want me to fuck your cunt later.”
“Oh.” You blush. “Yeah, I want that.”
“Alright then.” He chuckles and helps you up. “Felt so good, baby.” He kisses your now swollen lips.
He lays you down on the bed, your head comfy on the pillows. He reaches between your legs and groans when he feels how wet you are through the silk shorts.
“Christ.” He breathes. “Taking this all off now.”
You nod and lift your arms up. He gets you fully naked and spreads your legs open. Just as you did with him, he kisses down your body, nipping where he pleases, and starts leaving more love bites on your inner thighs, causing you to squirm.
“Stay still for me, baby.”
“M’trying, sorry.”
You give him a soft smile and he gives you one back before he licks around your folds. You feel yourself almost go cross-eyed from the sensation. His teeth nip at your clit before he sucks on it, and he has to use one of his arms to hold you down because you’re just extremely sensitive tonight for whatever reason. His thumb replaces his mouth on your clit so he lick into you.
“Oh, god.” You moan. Your hands fly to his hair to tug on. “Harry.” You whimper and it’s music to his ears. It just makes him fuck you harder with his tongue. His thumb rubs perfect circles into where you need it most, and you feel your legs shaking around him. “Fucking, Christ!” You cry out as you start panting. You could feel your orgasm already approaching. He just knew exactly what to do, and it was incredible.
He pops up briefly to get some air, and then he looks at you, furrowing your brows.
“Wh-what is it?” You ask innocently.
“Would you…” He holds up his index and middle finger.
“Oh! Mhm.” You smile and open your mouth for him. He smiles back at you and brings his fingers to your mouth to suck on. You make eye contact as you lap and suck around him.
“Thank you, darling.”
Your heart flutters as he works his way back down between your legs. His fingers slide inside you while his mouth finds your clit again. His fingers curl up inside you, and you grip at the comforter on the bed. They pump and twist and pet you, and it’s all too much along with his tongue flicking at your clit.
“Ah! Fuck, Harry!” Your back arches off the bed, and your eyes roll into the back of your head. When he retracts his finger from you, you look at him, your eyes growing dark with lust. “Get the condoms.”
He nods and rummages through his bag for them, tearing one of them open, and sliding it onto his hard, throbbing dick. You put your hands onto his shoulders to brace yourself as he thrusts inside you. He buries his face into the crook of your neck as he rocks in and out. You get a fist full of his hair and rock your hips along with his.
“Fuck, Y/N.” He groans and looks at you, peaking his tongue out. You take the signal and let your mouth fall open so he can kiss you. It’s a searing kiss, needy, like he hadn’t kissed you in weeks. That was the thing with Harry, he always kissed you like he hadn’t seen you in ages, like he hadn’t touched you in ages. It was fucking fantastic.
“Harry, I’m gonna come again.” You whine. It was from the way you were grinding against him, otherwise you don’t think you would have had one again so quickly, not that you were complaining. He keeps everything the same so you can get there, and boy do you get there. He puts his hand over your mouth so you can cry out how you need to. You catch your breath and then you look up at him. “Let me ride you.”
He nods and pulls out, flipping on his back. You grip him to line yourself up once you’ve swung your leg over his lap. You sigh with relief once he’s inside you again. His hands work their way up your body to knead your breasts as move around on him in large circles. He looks up at you and starts chuckling.
“What could possibly be funny?” You ask, giggling.
“Nothing, I just like you a lot.” You pout at that. Since you said your I love yous, neither of you had made your like you a lot statement, and it filled your heart.
“I like you a lot too, Harry.” You lean down to kiss him, sucking on his bottom lip before returning up right.
“Gonna fuck me, baby?”
“Mhm, gonna fuck you so good.”
You start to raise and lower on him, his hands coming down to squeeze at your hips. Usually he would even up taking over, but he wanted to let you do it. He knew you wanted to do it, and you were so kind as to let him fuck your mouth earlier the least he could do was let you control the pace just this once. It also inflated his ego immensely to look up and watch your face like this. The joy you were getting from riding him was so delicious to him.
“You’re so fucking gorgeous like this, Y/N.” he squeezes harder at your hips, sure to leave bruises later, but you don’t care.
Your hands plant onto his thighs behind you as you continue to bounce up and down on him.
“Rub my clit, Harry, please.” You nearly whine.
He does so without question and you let out a loud moan. He could feel you squeezing around him and it was bringing him nearly over the edge. He could feel the ecstasy bubbling at the base of his spine.
“Baby, I’m not gonna last much longer.” He groans.
“Good, want you to come, let go, Harry.”
You feel his warm come fill up the condom, and the sensation along with his fingers rubbing on you guide you to your third release, causing you to collapse onto his heaving chest. He tilts your chin up and he smears his lips over yours.
//
After the long day and night you both had, neither of you were upset to have woke up at 10:15. You shower together, without any funny business, and get ready for the day. Harry furrows his brows at the booties you put on.
“What?” You ask him. “Don’t like ‘em?”
“No, they’re cute, it’s just…won’t your feet hurt walking around in them all day? I know you lived here and everything, but-“
“I promise, Daddy, if my feet hurt I won’t complain and if I do, you can say I told you so.”
“Y/N.” He sighs. “I hate it when you call me that so condescendingly, my express of concern isn’t me being fatherly, it’s me being your boyfriend who would feel terrible if your feet got all blistered.”
Your features soften, you didn’t realize how much your little joked bothered him.
“Oh…I’m sorry, um, these are actually pretty good for walking in. I wouldn’t wear them if I knew they’d hurt, but I appreciate you looking out for me.”
You give him a kiss on the cheek, and he grabs the bags. You check out, and grab a coffee from the complimentary section of the breakfast area, and put everything in the car.
“Julian said we could park here for the day no problem. We just need to talk to the green line stop, and we’ll be good to go.” You explain after locking the car back up.
You make your way to the green line station, and you just use your Charlie Card to get the both of you through, and onto the train that would get you Government Center. You were happy to be traveling with Harry. Sometimes when you were in town with people who didn’t understand the hustle and bustle of the T it could be frustrating, but Harry had the tube back in London, so this was second nature to him.
You almost feel giddy after coming off the train, and see The Quincy Market sign come into view. You tug at Harry’s hand to get him to walk faster towards the shops.
“There’s a Ray-Bans store here I wanna go to. They’re bound to have a sale right now. Oh! And there’s this store that sells really hot sauces I think you’ll like. Does Andy like graphic T’s? There’s a Newbury Comics here and I’d like to get him a gift from there.”
“For what? Thought you only promised a cannoli?”
“I did, but it would be for Christmas. Is that alright if I wanna-mph!” His lips were on yours, his hands cupping your cheeks. He was just overwhelmed with how much you cared about his son.
“Yeah, he likes graphic T’s.” He says it like he didn’t just shove his tongue down your throat, gently intertwining your fingers as you continue to walk.
You clear your throat and nod, giving his hand a squeeze. You go in and out of the shops. You note the sunglasses that Harry pays special attention to so you know which ones to get him for the holidays. You go into Sephora for a bit to look at the expensive makeup on one end of the store, and he looks at the foundation and concealer he would typically use. So much was on sale, you end up buying a ton of new brushes and sponges, and he gets the remover wipes he likes using. You go into spicy sauce store, and pick out a couple of bottles of things you’d each like to try, and then off to Newbury Comics.
“Do you shop at any of these clothing stores?” He asks subtly.
“Not really, I do StitchFix, why?”
“No reason.” He shrugs. Damn. He literally had no idea what to get you for the holidays. You bought yourself a new pair of sunglasses, and pretty much whatever else you needed. He was at a loss.
“So, what shows does he watch? I’d like to get him a shirt that’s relevant.” You say as you both make your way to the clothing section of the store.
“He’s really into Spongebob reruns at the moment, it’s been driving me nuts.”
“Seriously? That show is over twenty years old…”
“I know! He discovered it a few months ago, and he thinks it’s hilarious.” Harry sighs. “He also likes The Simpons, The Office, oh! He’s really into Malcom in the Middle right now.”
“How does even know about that show?”
“He found it on Hulu one night and he asked if he could watch it and I said okay. He loves it.”
“Hmm.” You tap your chin for a second. “I may need to go on Etsy then. I think I know of a shirt he would like, but I doubt they have it here.”
“You don’t have to go to so much trouble, Y/N. He’ll like whatever you give him.”
“That’s just it, I don’t want him to like it, I want him to love it.”
Harry thought his heart was going to burst as you looked around. You come to the section of the store with all of the different card games.
“Is he too young for Cards Against Humanity? Could be fun for him and Brandon.”
“Wee bit.”
“Alright…oh, what about What Do You Meme? That’s age appropriate, no?”
“Oh, he’s actually been asking for something like that. It’s a good stocking stuffer.”
“Perfect!” You snatch a pack. “This will also be from me.” You wink at him and keep looking around.
“What do you usually do for the holidays, anyways?”
“Well, whenever Hanukkah falls, I usually do something with my family, and then I lay low on Christmas.”
“Maybe during one of the nights of Hanukkah you could come over and the three of us could do something traditional with you.”
“I’d love that, Har.” You smile at him. “I could show you how to make homemade potato pancakes.”
“That would be a lot of fun.” He kisses your cheek.
Eventually you both walk over to the North End to get some Italian food for a late lunch/early dinner. You each enjoy raviolis and lots of bread. You make sure to stop off at one of the bakeries to grab some cannolis.
“You can just put these in your freezer, they should still be good when he gets home.”
“Sounds good, he’s gonna be so excited.”
You make your way back to the hotel garage and get into the car.
“Babe, let me drive, you’re tired.”
“No, I can do it.”
“Y/N.”
“Let me just get us through the city, and then I’ll pull over at the rest stop in Londonderry.”
“Fine.” He rolls his eyes.
You end up doing just that. You zip through the city, staying in the left lane the whole time, and then you pull over at the rest area. You let Harry drive the rest of the way, and he drives back to your place.
“Did you wanna stay over tonight? I could come to yours tomorrow, or if you’re sick of me we can-“
“Why do you always say that?” He chuckles. “I could never be sick of you.”
You beam at him, and you both get up inside your apartment. After you unpack your things, you both get into bed, and fall asleep quickly. It was the perfect Thanksgiving.
//
“Dad, these are so good.” Andy says, mouth full of cannoli Sunday night. “Y/N is the best.”
“I’ll pass the message on to her.” Harry smiles. “Listen, uh, how would you feel if she started staying over sometimes when you’re here?”
“I’d be okay with that, I don’t really care.”
“I just wanna make sure you feel comfortable with it. It’s okay if you don’t.”
“Dad, I really don’t care. I’d like it if she stayed here. I feel bad that she thinks she can’t. Then we could all have breakfast together in the mornings, that would be fun.”
“Yeah, it would. I’ll let her know you’re cool with it, thanks.”
“Thanks for asking first.”
“It’s your house too, not gonna make any big changes without consulting you.”
Later that night, as he’s crawling into bed, Harry texts you.
Harry: got the okay from the head of the house, you’re good to spend the night any time you feel comfortable doing so…he loved the cannolis btw
You: oh well, glad I was able to butter him up with those, lol why don’t we give it a try tomorrow?
Harry: are you just saying that because you know Mondays are baked ziti night????
You: what?! I’m offended! I want to come spend the night with you, it in no way has anything to do with your delicious, amazing, incredible, mouth watering baked ziti
Harry: god, you know what complimenting my food does to me 😈 😈 😈
You: goodnight, Harry
Harry: no!
You: yes
Harry: don’t do this
You: I’m so tired! You barely let me leave your bed this morning…need to catch up on sleep
Harry: everything we did today you wanted. I know because I asked and you said yes
You: very true! And now I’m telling you I’m going to sleep, I love you, I’ll see you tomorrow
Harry: alright, I love you too, sweet dreams, baby
//
The next morning, Harry gets up at 5AM to do his yoga in his bedroom, and then goes into the kitchen to get zome ziti boiled. It wasn’t a difficult dish to make, especially since there wasn’t meat in it, but Harry did use three types of shredded cheese, and he had a homemade marinara sauce. Once the ziti is cooked, he layers it all in a glass dish and sticks it in the fridge. It’ll go in the over to bake when he gets home later.
His next task is to shower, and get dressed before waking Andy up.
“Buddy, time to get up.” Harry comes in and sits on the edge of Andy’s bed. “Come on, sun’s up and everything.”
Andy groans like he does most mornings.
“Don’t gimme that. What do you want for breakfast?”
“Scrambled eggs, please.” He mumbles.
“Can do, now get up.” He takes the top blanket away and Andy groans louder, but it wakes him up enough to get out of bed.
Harry whips up some eggs for Andy and some peanut butter toast for himself, and sets it on the table. Andy comes out in jeans and a long-sleeve T-shirt.
“Basketball’s gonna be starting in a bit, you must be excited.”
“Yup.” Andy smiles. “And winter program starts this Friday, I’m really excited for that. Do you think you’ll chaperone?”
“Probably. I’ll find a Friday to come out and help.”
“Y/N should come too.”
“I don’t know if she skiis…”
“How could she not in this area?”
“It’s not for everyone.” He shrugs. “I’ll ask her if she wants to come up to the cabin some weekend or something before having her help out with a bunch of kids.”
“Okay, fair point. Oh! You could teach her to ski, you’re a good teacher.”
“I’d have her take a professional lesson, Andy. It’s not as easy for adults to learn this kind of stuff as it is for kids.”
“You could still show her the basics.”
“Eat your eggs.” Harry rolls his eyes. “By the way, she’s coming for dinner tonight.”
“Of course she is.” Andy giggles. “It’s baked ziti night.”
“That’s what I said! Anyways, she’s gonna try staying over with us. Want you on your best behavior.”
“When am I not?” Andy scoffs.
“Hmm, let’s see…” Harry holds his hand up to start counting on his fingers.
“Okay, okay, I promise I’ll be good.”
“Thank you.”
//
It was a busy work day since it was the Monday after a short holiday break. You barely saw Harry, but you decide to leave him a little love note on his desk while he was teaching. You notice he left his phone on his desk. Something he rarely does, but it happens once in a while. You see it light up with a news notification, and you do a double take. His lock screen was a picture of the two of you. You pick it up and hold it closer.
“When did he…?” You trail off as you smile. It was a picture of you from one of your hikes. You’re looking up at him, smiling and sweaty, but smiling nonetheless.
“Y/N?” Harry says coming into his office. “What are you doing with my phone?”
“I…I was just leaving you a note, and it lit up…and…I didn’t realize I was your lock screen…” You hand him his phone.
“Of course you’re my lock screen, you have been for a while…”
“I guess I never noticed.” You look away. “I have a picture of the two of us as mine, see.” You show him your phone. “It’s from when we made that mess making waffles from scratch. Makes me smile every time I look at it.”
“Can’t believe I never noticed either…” He looks at the screen and then to you. He steps towards you. “You were leaving me a note?”
“Yeah, I…we barely saw each other today, and I know you need to get home soon, so I was just leaving you a little love note.”
“Oh.” He sets his things down on his desk and comes even closer to you. He tucks some hair behind your ear, his tell for wanting a kiss.
You lean up and he leans down and your lips press against each other. It doesn’t last long, you’re at work after all.
“Okay, well, I have some work to do.” You blush. “Um, I’ll be over by 6:30, does that work?”
“Works great.”
He watches you leave and he sighs dreamily as he gathers his things. He zips home and helps Andy with his homework before getting the ziti in the oven. You get over there around 6:30, with your overnight bag slung over your shoulder.
“Hi, boys.” You say as come inside after Andy answers the door.
“Y/N, those cannolis you got were so good. Thanks again.”
“Oh! I’m so glad you liked them, Andy.” You ruffle the hair on the top of his head and go to put your things down in Harry’s room before coming into the kitchen to give him a kiss. “It smells so good in here.”
“Just took it out of the oven, sit.” He smiles.
After dinner you’re itching to change into come comfier clothes, so you do. You put on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt, one Harry gave to you, and you come out with your laptop to the living room.
“You don’t mind, do you?”
“Nope, Andy?”
“Do your thing.” He shrugs as he flips the TV to Hulu to put Malcom in the Middle.
“Remember, two episodes and then you can go read before bed.” Harry reminds him.
“I’m fully aware, thanks.” He rolls his eyes.
“When I was your age, my bed time was 9:30, but CSI, the Las Vegas one, was on at nine, and I used to watch TV with my mom in bed every night, and CSI was on Thursdays, and so every Thursday we’d have the same fight because I had to see how the episode ended, you know? And then my mom would get so tired that she’d just let me stay up and finish it.”
The boys both look at you with wide eyes. You had a tendency to talk really fast when you had a story to tell.
“Dad says I can’t watch TV right before bed because then I won’t sleep well.”
“He’s right about that! I could never sleep after watching TV with my mom. She’d watch Date Line and scary shows like that.”
“If you were scared, then why would watch with her?” Andy asks.
“Well, my mom worked until eight most nights and I just wanted to spend time with her, so getting into bed and watching TV with her was my way of doing that.”
“That’s sweet.” Harry says, putting his arm around you.
After Andy goes to bed around nine, making sure to give you and Harry a hug, you both decide to get ready for bed as well. You do your routine, and chew on your bottom lip.
“What is it?” He asks he slides into bed with his book.
“Can I still sleep naked? Does he ever come in here?”
“Hmm, how about just a t-shirt? Grab any one of mine from my dresser.”
“Okay, fair enough compromise.”
You change quickly, and get into bed with a book of your own.
“This is nice.” He says, smiling at you. “Having you here on a Monday night.”
“Yeah, feels right.” You kiss his cheek and open your book to the page you dog-eared.
Even though Harry just wanted to ravage you, he knew that would probably have to wait until you showered in the morning. You did look awfully cute when you passed out with your book still in your hand. Harry takes it, saved your place, and sets it on the night table closest to you. He takes his glasses off and turns off the lights, then kisses your forehead before wrapping himself around you. You adjust into him and drift off fully.
You’re woken up abruptly around midnight by Harry’s phone buzzing. It goes off a few times so he finally turns over and grabs it.
“Oh, shit.” He says.
“What?” You mumble.
“Paige called three times, hold on.” He swipes his phone to call her back.
“Harry?!”
“Hey, what’s going on, is everything alright?”
“No…everything’s not alright.” She sobs.
“What happened?” Harry sits up fully. “What’s wrong, darling?” When he says that it makes you sit up. He was clearly trying to calm her down, but you didn’t like him using the term of endearment.
“My…my father died.”
#harry styles#office neighbors#harry styles imagine#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfic#harry styles series#harry styles x reader#harry styles x y/n#harry styles y/n#harry styles fluff#harry styles smut#harry styles angst#singledad!harry#professor!harry
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Well, I’m done rewatching season 2 of south park and I’ve taken plenty of notes and screenshots to document all the facts and tidbits I thought were interesting or just funny. Under the cut is a collection of notes where I progressively start caring more and more about fake children
Kenny’s house is full of empty bottles, his family eats frozen waffles for dinner, and his dad is drinking at the dinner table
Kenny’s and Kyle’s dads have some history. They were best friends as teenagers
Kenny’s dad is kind of anti-Semitic, he says Kyle’s dad was successful because he’s Jewish
Cartman kind of expresses agreement with Stuart’s anti-Semitism, which I think is the first time Cartman’s been clearly anti-Semitic
Kenny’s house has rats, but his room has lights that shut off when you clap twice
WOW KYLE wtf he says “Kenny's not really my friend, Ma. I don't give a rat's ass about him.” FUCKING RUDE
Kyle and Kenny have a fun little sleepover where they play “ookie mouth”, a game where they take turn spitting in each other’s mouths. This episode (S02E10 Chickenpox) is great for fans of K2 despite how absolutely disgusting ookie mouth is
The McCormick house was something Stuart and Gerald built as teenagers. A fort in Stuart’s mom’s backyard
Gerald went to community college
Gerald and Stuart have a fun fist fight by a pond
Kyle makes a haiku: Fatass Cartman was / not on the school bus today. / What a big, fat turd.
Kenny makes a haiku: When you rub your dick, / you might find a discharge that / winds up on the floor.
Kyle makes another: Ass full of pork fat / jiggles like a Jello mold. / Mouth is flapping, too.
And another by Kyle: I bet you don't win. / They don't let big fat asses / perform on TV.
Cartman responds: Shut your God-damned mouth / or else I'm... gonna... kick you / square in the balls... asshole
I spy with my desperate eye the beginnings of Craig’s gang, featuring Kenny with wonky eyes
Bebe thinks Kyle has a hot ass and she’s not shy about saying it
Bebe writes a note to Kyle, and Stan tries to pass it on but Mr. Garrison thinks it’s Stan’s note for Kyle and makes him read it out loud. So he reads: “Dear Kyle. You have got such a great ass. I could sleep for days on those perked cheeks, let me tell you. I'd like to live with you and wear your ass as a hat for all eternity.” (If that happened to me I’d be embarrassed forever)
POV: You’re Stan and you just said you love Kyle’s juicy ass in front of the whole 3rd grade class
The first time Stan’s mom and dad get a divorce is in S02E12, way sooner than I remembered
Bebe kisses Kyle when they’re playing truth or dare in their clubhouse, probably Kyle’s first kiss. Kyle thinks it’s disgusting (despite having played ookie mouth with Kenny which is arguably more disgusting)
Bebe breaks up with Kyle and goes off with Clyde, who says “Bitchin’ 😎”. Later Clyde is with Bebe, Stan, and Wendy at the club house
Cartman and Kyle have a fist fight once again. Kyle hated Cartman way more than Stan did very early on, kind of all along really, they truly were destined to be arch enemies
Kenny has food stamps
Oh, and Cartman’s made poor jokes about Kenny and twice (I think) Kenny has punched him in retaliation in the past 2 seasons. Kenny’s family is probably a bad and violent example for him
By the way, if you’ve ever wondered what Kenny says in the theme song but never looked it up, in seasons 1-2 he sings “I like girls with big fat titties, I like girls with deep vaginas” but in the remastered versions of seasons 1-2 (which is the version I’m watching) they changed it to the season 3-5 lyrics: “I have got a ten-inch penis, use you mouth if you wanna clean it”.
When an evil twin version of Cartman says nice things, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny stare at him in horror. Stan says, “Dude, this is creepy.”
Also, the boys say dude a lot. At least Stan, Kyle, and Kenny do, Cartman not as much
Kenny’s mom hits him when he’s hogging the blanket from his brother. Kenny makes a sad face and it made me feel bad :(
When evil twin Cartman comes to give the McCormicks some supplies, Kenny’s dad asks if that was his “fat, racist, foul-mouthed friend” so Cartman clearly has a reputation
When Stan gets scared of his evil fish, he wakes Shelly up and she slaps him. Their mom sees it and says nothing
But on the other hand his mom buries a body that Stan’s fish killed because she thinks he killed it so I guess she’s not entirely a bad mom
Kenny was supposed to buy a pumpkin for Halloween but he could only afford a squash and his friends are really mean about it. The more I watch the more I feel bad for Kenny (and Stan)
Cartman kind of has a shitty friendship with Kenny. He says “I hate you Kenny” because of the squash
Kyle is really annoyed by Cartman saying “hella” all the time, nobody else is as annoyed
Evil Cartman sings a cute little song while wielding a knife: You guys / are my best friends, / through thick and thin, / we've always been together! / We're four of a kind, / having fun all day, / palling around and laughing away. / Just best friends, / best friends are we!
Stan still has his dog, Sparky, in season 2
After Stan’s fish kills Kenny, Kenny’s mom comes over to ask about her son and she’s drunk and upset. Honestly seeing Kenny die all the time makes me kind of sad
Stan says Kenny’s squash isn’t a bad little squash. Very heartwarming. The squash gets first prize at the pumpkin carving contest :)
Cartman’s grandma and extended family live in Nebraska
When the boys go to Cartman’s family to have Christmas dinner, Kenny’s dad tells him to take any leftovers and bring them back home (he does it very gently and Kenny just says “okay” and why do I care that this fake child dies all the time and barely has food at home, like why the fuck do I care so much???)
Cartman’s mom is wearing glasses when she drives. She doesn’t do it in the later seasons but maybe she has contacts
Cartman and his mom sing a road trip song for 4 hours. Kyle says “please stop” but when they ignore him, he kicks Cartman’s seat and makes Cartman hit his head
Stan has a complicated relationship with his family, he says they’re dead to him because they didn’t want him to go on a road trip to Nebraska so Stan went without telling them
Kenny doesn’t eat at the dinner table with Cartman’s family, he just shoves the food in a bag :( I feel so bad for him
Stan, Kyle, and Kenny all hit Cartman after they wake in the night to make sure they’re not dreaming
Under his coat, Cartman wears a pink tank top that says BEEFCAKE. He wore it in S1E02 Weight Gain 2000
Charles Manson invites Kenny to go to a more secluded location and Kenny just says okay and goes, but honestly he should know better since he’s aware that he keeps dying
Cartman bonks his cousin Elvin on the head and gives him brain damage. Elvin gets better though
THE NEXT EPISODE IS GNOMES!!! TWEEEEEK!!!!
Token gets named when he’s put in a group with Wendy, Bebe, Clyde, and Pip. Craig’s gang is getting closer to becoming a thing!!
IT’S OUR FUCKING BOY TWEEK TWEAK BITCH YEEEEAAAH
Tweek says he’s awake at 3:30am because he can’t sleep, ever
Jesus, Tweek’s dad kind of sucks immediately. He says he might have to sell Tweek to slavery if his coffee shop goes out of business
Cartman says Kenny’s family is happy being poor and on welfare, “right, Kenny?” and Kenny says “fuck you” which is completely justified
When the underpants gnomes don’t appear, Tweek is worried he’s going insane and pulls on his hair
His parents say Tweek is jittery and anxious just because he has ADD (but the kind of severe jitteriness and anxiety Tweek has isn’t a symptom of primarily inattentive ADHD, even though people with ADHD do experience restlessness and can even have some tics and are more likely to have anxiety as a comorbid disorder than a neurotypical person is, but I mean come on, we all know Tweek’s slurping way too much coffee so even if he has ADHD beneath all that, his parents should stop giving him coffee and they definitely should not start lacing it with meth. Basically what I’m saying is that Tweek’s parents are full of shit)
Actually Tweek’s mom is kind of okay. She tells Tweek’s dad that he’s being shitty for using kids to advance his agenda. But… the agenda is against big corporations and I hate to say it but Tweek’s dad kind of has a point
Ew, the boys are giving a pro big corporations speech. That aged really poorly considering how shitty billionaires are
Aww, look at Kenny! He got scared of a crocodile that Steve Irwin is about to bother by jamming his thumb up its butthole
The boys are really excited about Steve Irwin jamming his thumb up a crocodile’s butthole
Oh my God, Kyle calls Cartman a fatass penis
Kenny is a mediator between Stan and Kyle. They ask him which one found this ice man in a cave first, but Kenny just deflects and agrees with Kyle’s name suggestion (Steve) for the ice man
I kind of like Dr. Mephesto. I’m glad he came back for Fractured But Whole
Stan and Kyle are having a terrible fight about who found the ice man. Kyle says they’re not best friends anymore and that Cartman is his new best friend and Cartman says “Sweet!”, then Stan claims Cartman as his new best friend and Cartman says “Killer!”
This prehistoric ice man episode is actually funny, I love it
Stan and Kyle are having a fight to the death
They reconcile and become best friends again. They both agree that Cartman’s a sucky best friend
Well, that was the last episode of the season. This was fun. South Park is actually a fun show
Kenny deaths:
S02E10 Kenny is in the hospital because of chicken pox. He laughs at Cartman’s joke so hard that his heart flatlines like beeeeeeeeeeeeeep
S02E11 Kenny’s head explodes after Stan and Kyle make him watch planetarium lights at a high intensity
S02E12 Kenny gets trampled in a mosh pit
S02E13 A cow impales Kenny’s head with its horn
S02E14 Ozzy Osbourne bites Kenny’s head off
S02E15 Kenny is killed by Stan’s evil fish, he gets spun in the fish tank until the water’s red
S02E16 The police shoot Kenny who came outside with a white flag during a hostage situation, then the police hit his dead body with a baton and handcuff him
S02E17 Kenny gets crushed by the underpants gnomes’ mine cart. The gnomes are horrified but Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Tweek are kinda like whatever
S02E18 Kenny gets squished underneath a conveyer belt
Onto the next season I go. I’ll watch the movie too since it was released around halfway through season 3
#south park#sp rewatch#this was supposed to be a quick little thing but i'm taking it too seriously#i feel like i'm screaming into a void
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Hothouse Rose chapter 2
more with the skele sweeties (lust boys show up next chapter i promise)
words under the cut
Sans…felt better.
Therapy worked, who knew? Well, Toriel had been telling him to go, Alphys had, too, and he finally listened because he just couldn’t lose Papyrus.
The therapist was nice, he’d done a lot of research before choosing one, and they listened. He wasn’t usually as talkative, but if you don’t talk to a therapist, they can’t help. So he talked.
About losing their dad, about raising Papyrus by himself, about running six jobs just to keep the rent on the house up and let Papyrus continue training for the guard. About feeling de ja vu for months at a time and not being able to fix the machine that would maybe bring their dad back and having the burden of knowing he had the knowledge to help others but was so incompetent he couldn’t. Then there was acting as the Judge of the underground. That was a whole other thing that he hadn’t even told Papyrus about.
But it felt good to finally spill all the secrets that had weighed him down, especially knowing that nobody else would be told. He had more energy now, since he didn’t spend as much time on worrying. Well, that and the medication. A lot of healers from the underground had started working with humans to develop medicines that would be effective for monster patients, and he was using one of them. It was a real relief, not feeling like a weight was sitting on his head all day, or that he was the only one trying to help anybody.
Of course, having more energy made him work harder on things. His various jobs, his jokes, and working on the machine. It was actually nearly done, just needed testing, and it sparked a hope in Sans for the first time in a long time. Maybe he could do this. Maybe, now that his head wasn’t clogged with negative thoughts about the world and himself, he could fix this thing and bring back his dad. Would he be proud? Angry? He didn’t know.
He also didn’t realize the machine was in the ‘on’ state when he first plugged it in, and thus was utterly shocked when it sputtered and whirred to life…before violently exploding.
---
Normally, you’d be so happy about moving into a proper house this semester, and for the first few days, you had been.
But normally was not what was happening right now. Papyrus didn’t come to class for two weeks, and you were very worried.
You knew, from his texts, that he was okay, but it really didn’t make sense what he was saying.
“PLEASE GET MY WORK FROM CLASS FOR A FEW DAYS? SOMETHING VERY LARGE HAS HAPPENED.”
“HELP ME, PLEASE, THEY ARE ALL DRIVING ME UP THE WALL. LITERALLY, I AM USING BLUE MAGIC TO CLING TO THE CEILING AT THIS POINT TO GET AWAY FROM THEM ALL.”
“I HAVE TO MOVE HOUSE. WELL, TO BE ACCURATE, I HAVE TO MOVE MY STUFF TO A NEW HOUSE.”
Those were just some examples of the things he’d sent you, and you had been gathering the information for him on what had gone on during each of his missed lectures (at least the ones you had with him). Still, it was not like Papyrus to miss school, at all.
But at least your classes were not harsh on attendance as long as work got done, and Papyrus had been sending all his assignments in.
Finally, after almost another full week, you get a phone call, “Y/N! FINALLY! I’LL BE IN SCHOOL TOMORROW.”
“Thank goodness. What happened? I couldn’t piece it together from your messages,” you ask, very concerned.
“OH. WELL, IN SHORT, MY COUSINS APPEARED OUT OF THIN AIR AND ARE NOW LIVING WITH US. THAT’S WHY SANS AND I HAD TO MOVE, OUR HOUSE WAS GOING TO EXPLODE. THERE WERE ONLY THE TWO OF US, AND TWO TURNED INTO EIGHT, SO WE MOVED! WE’RE STILL CLOSE ENOUGH THAT IT’S NO TROUBLE FOR ME TO RUN TO SCHOOL, BUT WE’RE OVER IN THE…WELL, MY COUSIN SPICE CALLED IT ‘FANCY TOWN’.”
“You mean that edition on the west side with all the weird mansions?”
“YES! WE’RE IN A WEIRD MANSION THAT LOOKS LIKE A FRAT HOUSE. BIG COLUMNS, BRICK FRONT, COLONIAL LOOKING.”
“Okay. Wow, yeah, family emergency makes a lot of sense now that you say that. I’m just glad you weren’t sick or something, Papy. I’d be so lost without you.” You feel your face heat up saying it out loud, but it was true. These three weeks had been torment without his bubbly commentary and gentle pushing to do better. Everything had seemed very empty without Papyrus around.
“Y/N, MY DEAREST FRIEND, I DO SECOND THAT, BUT ABOUT YOU!” you could hear him clicking a pen over and over on the other side of the line, and that told you he was anxious, “IT’S BEEN SO HARD TO KEEP MY PATIENCE WITH MY COUSINS WITHOUT THE BREAK GOING TO CLASS AND BEING WITH YOU GIVES ME. YOU JUST GET ME WITHOUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT. MAYBE…MAYBE I CAN COME OVER AND WE CAN DO THAT ALIEN WARLORDS OF JUSTICE MARATHON THIS WEEKEND?”
“Consider it done, Papyrus, I have missed you far too much to ever say no to a famous Papyrus sleepover. Do you want me to invite Frisk, too?” You just wanted to be with him again, no matter what form that took.
“YES! BUT ALSO NO. I THINK I WANT SOME ADULT TO ADULT TALKING TIME AWAY FROM THIS MAD HOUSE MORE THAN I WANT SILLY FRIENDSHIP DOODLES OR SOMETHING. I WANT TO RELAX, AND NOT WORRY ABOUT MISS TORIEL BEING ANGRY IF I MESS UP.”
Aw, Papyrus, the sweetheart. “Then just us, the show, and some popcorn and soda and maybe candy? Sound good?”
“I AM ALMOST CRYING I’M SO READY! I’LL SEE YOU TOMORROW?”
“Without a doubt,” you giggle, “Love you, Papy.”
“I LOVE YOU, TOO! BYE BYE!”
It felt good to say it out loud. You loved Papyrus, that was not in argument at all, and hadn’t been since the incident with Sans. It’d been more than six months now since then, and you’d actually gotten on good terms with the other brother. You’d hear his deep voice mumble something over the phone on occasion and Papyrus would begrudgingly tell you what Sans had said, and when you did occasionally run into Sans at one of his odd jobs (or on campus coming out of the science building) you’d engage in small talk and your mutual admiration of Papyrus.
You weren’t afraid of the little guy anymore (he was just as tall as you, but much smaller than Papyrus so he seemed small) and would actually tentatively say you were friends. You had his number now and occasionally would get jokes texted to you specifically about language. He seemed to have remembered you were in linguistics, and was making the effort to connect on that. You’d send him back gifs of skeletons doing weird things, and that seemed to go over well.
So now you weren’t surprised when you got a text.
Punny bones: no matter how kind you are, german kids will always be kinder.
You laugh and text back.
You: so I guess papy told you about the sleepover?
Punny bones: yeah. he yelled so loud everybody in the house heard him. did he tell u about the cousins?
You: just that they’re driving him crazy and he wants some time away. Hence accepting his idea about the sleepover.
Punny bones: heh. He needs it. hard to compress eight different personalities into one house, so this is good for him. remember to lock the door, though? plz?
You: 😊 yes sans~
It had really surprised you when he’d started ending his texts to you asking you to be safe and reminding you of small things, like smoke detectors and door screws. He had stopped being afraid OF you and started being afraid FOR you. It was kind of nice, even if you didn’t quite know what had happened in his mind to flip that switch.
He still would apologize to you on occasion for his initial behavior, and you had told him you’d forgiven him. You had, of course, because you realized you thought about doing a very similar thing when you found out some human child you didn’t know had started making friends with Frisk. To be fair, it’s because you’d seen their parents and they were rich, making them very suspicious to you, but it helped you realize Sans’ actions weren’t THAT outside the realm of normal thought.
Still, that was Sans. Your thoughts were more toward Papyrus at the moment.
You gave Papyrus a bear hug when you saw him the next day, and pretty much every morning thereafter until the weekend. This would be his first sleepover in your new house, and your plant-crazy roomie was out on a research trip.
“YES! WE WILL WATCH OUR WONDERFUL SHOW ON YOUR COOL TV AND RECONNECT PROPERLY!” he cooed as he set up his sleeping bag in the living room. “AH, I CAN’T EVEN TELL YOU HOW MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE I AM ALREADY JUST KNOWING I CAN SLEEP WITHOUT SIX OF MY COUSINS MAKING NOISE AT ALL HOURS!”
“Isn’t that all of your cousins?”
“YES!”
Ah you’d missed his jokes while he was gone. “Anyway, what do you want for dinner? We making it together or you want me to surprise you?”
“PLEASE LET ME MAKE IT WITH YOU! AND I’D LIKE SOME SIMPLE, HOME MADE SOMETHING OR OTHER. I’M SO TIRED OF THE TAKE OUT WE’VE BEEN EATING NONSTOP JUST TO KEEP US ALL FROM FIGHTING OVER WHO IS COOKING.” He did look tired, which was unusual for Papyrus, but you knew he’d perk up after a break.
“Okay, how about French bread pizza? I made the sauce for it yesterday since I knew you’d be over,” you headed to the kitchen and Papyrus followed, pulling his apron out of his inventory. It was pink and said “My kitchen, my rules” on the front in white letters.
“PERFECT! I WILL ASSIST YOU IN CUTTING UP THE TOPPINGS!” He had gotten a lot better at cooking since the two of you had first become friends, and now you more than trusted Papyrus to not turn your ingredients into confetti.
The evening was golden, just the two of you cheering for your favorite show, exchanging theories and popcorn, and diving into the lore on the internet afterward, in your room.
It was getting late, and you yawned, but didn’t move. You just…you wanted to stay up with Papyrus. You’d missed him so badly and it felt like you were being cheated out of time with him if you went to sleep.
But he noticed, as he always did, and asked, “FRIEND, YOU’RE TIRED. GO TO BED AND I WILL BE MORE THAN HAPPY ON MY OWN. I WANT TO EXPLORE YOUR NEW HOUSE.”
Running on fumes as you were, your next thought left your mouth before you could really think about it, “Only if you stay with me till I’m asleep.”
Papyrus looked at you a moment, a slow creep of orange blush creeping over his cheekbones, then said, “UM…Y/N, I’D BE HAPPY TO, BUT I’D FEEL BETTER IF I SAID SOMETHING FIRST. IS THAT ALRIGHT?”
“Y-yeah, of course.” You got up and sat on your bed, watching as Papyrus sat backwards in the computer chair you’d vacated.
“YOU KNOW, IT’S BEEN A FEW YEARS OF US KNOWING EACH OTHER, AND IT’S BEEN AMAZING.” He smiles but can’t quite look at you, “AND, WELL, IF I’M HONEST WITH MYSELF, AND I ALWAYS TRY TO BE! THEN I HAVE TO SAY I’VE GROWN TO COUNT ON YOU AS A STAPLE IN MY LIFE. YOU’VE HELPED ME FIND AN AVENUE FOR MY PASSIONS, BEEN A WONDERFUL FRIEND, AND HELPED SANS SEE HE NEEDED TO SEE SOMEONE FOR TREATMENT.”
You take his hand when he holds it out, and smile.
“YOU’VE DONE SO MUCH, ALL THESE LITTLE THINGS, AND….AND I’D REALLY LIKE TO ASK IF YOU WANTED TO TRY A GROWN-UP DATE. WITH ME. N-NOT THE CUTE LITTLE TEENAGER DATE I PLAYED AT WITH FRISK, MIND YOU! SO…SO WOULD THAT BE OKAY? US DATING?” He had such a shy, nervous tilt to his smile, and you felt yourself tumble over the edge of affection as you squeezed his hand.
“That sounds fun, Papyrus. I’m very lucky if I get to call you my boyfriend,” you beam as you’re tackled onto the bed by a happy skeleton, hugging him tight as he nuzzles into you.
“NYOOHOOHOO YOU’RE TOO SWEET! MY DATEMATE! MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD! I LOVE YOU!”
His teeth are tickling your neck and you wriggle, “Papyrus! I love you, too, but stooooooop, hahaha! You’re tickling meeeee!”
He gets up a bit and smiles, “SORRY NOT SORRY! BUT YES, NOW WE CAN CUDDLE WHILE YOU FALL ASLEEP AND THEN I WILL EXPLORE YOUR HOUSE WHEN I CAN’T FOLLOW YOU.”
You have to catch your breath, but your cheeks are burning while you scoot under your covers and hold them open for him. He slips in very gingerly and soon you’re bundled up to his chest. He’s warm, as always, and can’t seem to stop his million watt smile. You don’t blame him; it feels like there is a sun in your chest from the pure joy his question had brought to you. Papyrus was everything you’d ever wanted in a friend, and you can’t imagine ever having a life without him in it. It just seemed natural to date him, and clearly he felt the same about you.
Safe and happy, you fall asleep very easily in his arms.
--
Dating Papyrus was exactly the same as being his friend, except now you’d hold hands a lot more and occasionally he’d nuzzle his teeth to your forehead and go “MWAH!” very loudly.
Sans had texted you the morning after your sleepover.
Punny bones: congrats on being the new datemate
You just stared at it, then looked up at Papyrus (who had made you breakfast) who was blushing, “I’M SORRY! I WAS JUST SO EXCITED THAT I TEXTED HIM AFTER YOU FELL ASLEEP.”
Shaking your head, you’d just sent an emoji of sticking your tongue out to Sans.
Punny bones: aww u r shy~ Punny bones: he told me he was gonna ask you weeks ago. Punny bones: only like 2 days without you and he was ready.
“WHAT IS HE SAYING?!” Papyrus looked over your phone and groaned, and you’d had to nurse his bruised ego a little afterward because his big brother was embarrassing him.
Still, you were both happy that Papyrus was excited, and proud that Sans had bettered his thoughts enough to react positively to this news.
Understandably, you had Papyrus over to your house several more times, mostly to have private movie viewings rather like your first sleepover. It was just more your speed, and his, to have dates just be the two of you doing something fun. Of course, you had a few at Bungle Land, cause who doesn’t like cute clumsy cartoon parrots, and going to see premieres at the theaters or eat at a nice place, but the vast majority of your weekly official dates were spent in your pjs on the sofa with Papyrus curled around your body as you watched movies.
Sometime during your dating, your roommate moved out. She transferred to a college with a better botony program and more specializations for masters’ degrees, so you bid her a fond goodbye and kept in touch by text. Sure, you hadn’t been super close friends, but she’d still been a great roomie and had been all for your relationship with a sweetheart like Papyrus. It hit all those rom-com beats that made you both squeal happily.
He was a very physical person, Papyrus, so you got hugs often and he tended to just like holding you. It made you feel very good, even if sometimes you both ended up getting tangled because he was so long-limbed. Your hair was fascinating to him, and he’d stroke it gently when his hands weren’t otherwise busy.
“YOU ARE SO SOFT ALL OVER. IT’S VERY ATTRACTIVE! I’M JUST GLAD MTT PUT OUT SPECIAL CREAMS TO MAKE MY BONES MORE FLEXIBLE AND TENDER!” He said one night as you both were walking home from a musical at the campus theater.
You laughed, and he squeezed your hand gently, “You don’t need to be softer, Papyrus. I already adore your strong bones and the only part of you that is soft is your heart, and that’s the most perfect kind to have.”
“I DON’T HAVE A HEART THOUGH?” he acted clueless, and you smack his arm gently and get him to giggle as you caught him in his jest. “WELL I DON’T! I GAVE IT TO YOU!”
You gently tug on his scarf and he leans down while you get on your tiptoes, giving him a soft kiss on the teeth that makes him hum wistfully. Then you both flinch back as a siren sounds, a firetruck zooming from a corner nearby and down the street.
Looking up you feel your stomach drop as you see the smoke. “Papy, is that coming from my house?”
He picks you up and starts sprinting after the firetruck, you holding tight to his neck and praying you were wrong. But as the two of you ran up to the front of your house, you saw the fire department spraying water on your blazing home and police cordoning off the area.
“Oh no…” you felt your self start to shake, even as your vision tunneled.
Papyrus holds you tighter and you start sobbing, hiding your face in his shoulder as he murmurs, “It will be alright, Y/n. I’m right here. We’ll figure this out. Do you want to stay at a hotel tonight?”
“I don’t want to be alone,” you wheeze, out of breath from crying already.
“You won’t be.” He did not let you go, not even when the police came to question you two. He handled the answering since you were too broken to speak. Realizing there was nothing you can do to help them, the men leave you two alone, telling you to find a place to stay and they’ll call you when it’s safe for you to pick through the debris.
Papyrus calls Sans as he walks, easily holding you while using his magic to hold the phone close to his skull, “Sans, I’m staying with Y/n tonight. N-no no I’m alright, it’s just that…their house has burned down. No, we were out at the theater, remember? Right. Yes, I’m taking them ther- Oh. Yes, that’s probably best. Thank you, Sans.”
Sans appears and looks frantic, but seeing you both unharmed and soot-less, he relaxes a little, “heya, pal. stars, I’m sorry this happened. let’s use one of my shortcuts to get you to a hotel. long walk otherwise and you need rest.”
Papyrus keeps hold of you as Sans takes you both through a surprisingly short distance to…
“Oh, Mettaton’s hotel,” you manage to say, and Sans smiles up at you, clearly stressed from the tightness in the edges of his grin.
“felix is workin’ tonight, and he won’t ask rude questions. Specially if I’m here. just sit in the chairs and I’ll take care of this. least I can do for ya,” he was really searching your face, looking for any sign of more he could do.
“Thank you, Sans. Really I…I just want to go to bed.”
“that I can do. stay with them, pap?”
Papyrus has walked you into the lobby and sets you delicately in one of the plush magenta chairs inside, “THAT WAS THE PLAN, YES.”
“okay,” Sans gives your hand a supportive squeeze, sighing through his nose a bit, “hang tight, pal.” Sans takes care of everything, and Papyrus stays by you, getting out his handkerchief and drying your face for you. “THERE, DEAREST. WE WILL RELAX TONIGHT AND FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO IN THE MORNING.”
You just nod, leaning into his touch gratefully.
--
The room is very nice, smelling of make-up and perfume, and the sheets on the single, queen sized bed are soft. You aren’t surprised when there’s two pairs of pajamas lying folded on the bed, after all, this is MTT’s place and he likes his guests to feel “SUPER FABULOUS, darling!”
“OH GOOD,” Papyrus smiles as he takes up one pair, “I WAS WORRIED WHAT WE WOULD SLEEP IN.”
You pick up your set, “I’ll change in the bathroom and you can use this room. I need to shower anyway.”
“TAKE YOUR TIME, LOVE,” he nuzzles you softly, “I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE, JUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.”
You kiss his cheekbone and head to the bathroom, running the water and finding your mind focusing on the taps. The temperature gauge has markers for “monster level cold”, “human cold”, “human hot”, and “monster hot”. You smile, turning them to “human hot” and stepping in after shedding your clothes.
The warm water helps ease your body, releasing the tension, but it also lets you sit on the provided ledge and cry. Your home is gone, you don’t know how much of your belongings survived the fire, much less the water, and you don’t know where you’re going to go.
After an unknown amount of time, you hear a knock, “Y/N? IT’S BEEN QUITE A WHILE. ARE YOU ALRIGHT? WELL, AS ALRIGHT AS YOU CAN BE?”
“I’m fine,” you call back. “Just lost track of time. I’ll be out in a moment.”
“OKAY. REMEMBER, I LOVE YOU.”
“I know, thank you,” you really appreciate the reminder. You aren’t alone tonight, and you aren’t unsupported. Papyrus will help you, and make sure things work out for the best. You get your bath quickly, the magic in the soaps helping you feel better before drying off on the warm towels and stepping back into your underwear before putting on the pajamas. It just felt weird to wear clothes without underwear, you don’t know why.
Papyrus is sitting in the bed, smiling at you as you come over in the soft, warm light from the bedside lamp on the near side. Climbing in next to him, you sigh, turning off the light before lying down and snuggling in close.
“You know I will do anything you need me to, correct?” Papyrus asks, whispering.
“I know, Papy. I’m really glad you’re here,” you cling to him, needing the comfort. “I just need you to be with me right now. I’ll tell you if I think of anything else.”
“Of course,” his ribs began to vibrate just a bit, and you smiled softly. That was his ‘purr’, that you had discovered on one of your first outings together. “Your wish is my command, Y/n. Goodnight, and rest well.”
“Night, Papy. I love you.”
--
It was three hours since Y/n had fallen asleep, and Papyrus felt secure enough in their continued rest to get up. Heading into the bathroom, he sat on the closed lid of the toilet and dialed the number of one of his cousins, who he was absolutely certain was up.
“Hello, Papyrus, dear! It’s good to hear from you,” came the cheery, energetic voice on the other end.
“HELLO CHARM,” Papyrus sighed, “DID SANS TELL YOU ALL WHY I WASN’T HOME TONIGHT?”
“No, but we’d hoped you and your lovely were together.”
“WELL, YOU’RE HALF RIGHT. I’M WITH THEM BUT NOT FOR GOOD REASONS. THEIR HOME HAS BURNED DOWN.”
There was a gasp and something rattled off a table, “Papyrus! Are they alright? Are you at the hospital?”
“NO, NO, NOTHING LIKE THAT. WE WERE BOTH OUT AT THE THEATER AND CAME BACK TO FIND IT ENGULFED. THEY’RE ASLEEP NOW BUT I NEEDED TO TALK TO SOMEONE AND YOU’RE THE MOST RELIABLE AND LIKELY TO STILL BE AWAKE.”
Relief, and a small laugh, “Oh, well, that makes me feel good. And good on you, staying by their side when they’re having a very bad experience. You’re a very good partner, if I may say so for them.”
That made Papyrus relax a little, smiling as he leaned his head on his hand, other knee jittering, “THANK YOU, CHARM. BUT WHAT I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IS WHAT DO WE DO FOR THEM? Y/N IS WITHOUT A HOME, AND WHILE I THINK I HAVE AN IDEA, I ALSO AM A LITTLE NERVOUS ABOUT PROPOSING IT.”
“Well, they can stay with us! They’re your partner, Papyrus, we aren’t going to be upset if you have them move in with you.”
His skull exploded in warmth and an orange glow, “CHARM! I-I WOULDN’T BE HAVING THEM IN MY ROOM! Y-YES, WE OCCASIONALLY SHARE, LIKE TONIGHT, BUT THEY NEED THEIR OWN SPACE. WE HAVEN’T….GOTTEN THAT FAR. RELATIONSHIPS MOVE SLOWER HERE, REMEMBER?”
“Oh. Sorry, dear, I forgot. Well, more accurately I was hoping to sort of push you because, GOODNESS, Cousin, they’re a catch and a half! But that’s not what makes you comfortable, and that’s okay.” A deep breath, and a more cheerful tone, “But we can always move Whip’s collection out of the room across from yours and have him put it elsewhere. That way they’re close to you, but you aren’t quite so…intimate.” He giggles and Papyrus can’t help joining as his nerves ease.
“AND YOU’RE SURE YOUR BROTHER AND THE OTHERS WON’T…BE OFFENDED?”
“No! No of course not, Papy, we’d do the same thing!” Charm scoffed then cooed, “No, my brother and I are all for helping the poor dear out, and you know Boa isn’t going to turn down a chance for someone to maybe befriend his brother. No, you tell them they’re more than welcome here, and if they decide to come, we’ll be there with bells on to help them get settled.”
“THANK YOU AGAIN, CHARM, I JUST REALLY…REALLY NEEDED SOME SUPPORT, TOO.”
“Oh cousin, what else is family for? We love you, so you try and relax with your lovely and I’ll talk to Boa so we can gang up on Whip and make him come around.” A laugh, teasing and very pleased, “Goodnight and good luck, Papyrus. Keep us posted.”
“I WILL. GOODNIGHT, CHARM!”
He hung up the phone and sighed, leaning back a bit. Thank goodness some of his cousins were relatively normal most of the time. Well, It was probably another five hours or so before Y/n would wake up, so now he had to occupy himself. Thank stars MTT rooms all came with bookcases full of Mettaton’s various memoirs!
---
It was hard to wake up, mostly because you thought you were at home at first before you opened your eyes.
Papyrus was sitting in a by the window, reading a book from the shelves in the room, and everything was ridiculously sumptuous and glittery. That pulled you out of your sleep and through confusion before landing on devastation.
“Good morning,” you say halfheartedly, and Papyrus looks up.
“GOOD MORNING, DEAR. I’M GLAD YOU SLEPT WELL, AS THE POLICE LEFT A MESSAGE FOR YOU A MOMENT AGO. I’VE ALSO BEEN LOOKING FOR OPTIONS FOR YOU TO STAY AT, BUT BEING THE MIDDLE OF THE SEMESTER, EVERYTHING SEEMS FULL UP. I ALSO EMAILED ALL OUR PROFESSORS, SO YOU HAVE AT LEAST THREE DAYS OFF CLASS TO DEAL WITH THIS. I’M AFRAID YOU’LL HAVE TO ASK IN PERSON IF YOU NEED MORE.” Well, your lovely skeleton had been quite busy, and helpful, as always.
“Thank you. I hadn’t even thought about class till you mentioned it,” you get up and sigh, not quite knowing what to do, “I guess I’ll just…go home? Maybe drop the semester and save up to try again?”
“NOT IF YOU DON’T WANT TO!” Papyrus blushed a little, “YOU DO REALIZE I HAVE A VERY LARGE HOUSE THAT YOU COULD HAVE A ROOM IN, RIGHT? WELL, SANS AND I HAVE A VERY LARGE HOUSE, BUT THAT’S SEMANTICS.” He was holding his own hands, head tilted slightly down so you knew he was looking upward at you, hopeful. “I CLEARED IT WITH MY MORE ENERGETIC COUSINS LAST NIGHT AND GOT A TEXT THIS MORNING THAT THE VOTE IS SEVEN TO ONE FOR YOU BEING WELCOMED IN.”
You really don’t want to cry but you can’t help it, and Papyrus moves to pull you back to sit on the bed with him. He holds you tight, “Papyrus, you’re just so good! I don’t…Are you sure?” You clung to the very soft fabric of his provided pajamas, “I don’t want to, to upset your cousins or overload your house.”
“OH, YOU WON’T. YOU’RE A WONDERFUL PERSON, AND YOU KNOW SANS AND I ARE IN YOUR CORNER NOW. I JUST KNOW YOU’D RATHER NOT WASTE THE TIME AND MONEY YOU SPENT THIS SEMESTER, AND GOODNESS KNOWS IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT YOUR HOUSE DECIDED TO INVITE FIRE OVER.”
That gets you to laugh through the tears, “Oh, I didn’t know my house decided to do that. I should complain to Grillby, then?”
“WELL, YES,” Papyrus gives you a squeeze and nuzzles your hair, “IT WAS VERY RUDE OF HIM TO WALK INTO YOUR HOUSE WITH HIS WHOLE FAMILY AND MAKE SUCH A MESS.” He laughs softly, too close for a full volume one, “OH, DEAREST, YOU REALLY ARE A WITTY ONE. NO, DON’T BOTHER THAT POOR MAN, HE ALREADY HAD TO DEAL WITH SANS AFTER ALL.”
The tears are drying as you continue to giggle, squealing when Papyrus turns your hug into a tickle fight that he obviously wins.
“HAHA! THE GREAT PAPYRUS WINS A VICTORY OVER SADNESS ONCE AGAIN!” he declares as he finally lets you breathe and hops up, “NOW, I HAD YOUR CLOTHES FROM YESTERDAY CLEANED BY THE COMPLIMENTARY LAUNDRY SERVICE, AND THEY’RE IN THE BATHROOM FRESH FOR YOU. W-WELL MOST OF THEM ARE FRESH; I COULDN’T,” he looks away and his smile gets wobbly in nerves, “I COULDN’T TOUCH YOUR UNDERTHINGS WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION SO THEY AREN’T.”
You blink, then hold in a snort of laughter. “I forget monsters consider socks underwear. Oh, Papyrus, I love you so much. I don’t need them cleaned, don’t worry.” Getting up, you pull him down for a kiss on the cheekbone, “And you have my permission to touch any laundry of mine you like and move it if you see fit. I trust you to treat them kindly.”
He exploded in orange all over his skull, and you giggle as you head into the bathroom. You’d never ever get tired of him, your utter gentleman in shining cardboard armor.
--
Papyrus was more than eager on the bus ride back toward your home. He babbled about how you’d love his cousins, and that some of them were almost as cool as he was (you didn’t doubt that, but how?) But he also was fiddling with a notebook to have it ready to make a list of things you needed to replace.
That was going to suck. Going through the rubble was going to be awful. The message the police left said that they were working on determining a cause for the fire, but that they’d left a few things they’d found in a bin for you with the person guarding the site.
That person turned out to be Dogamy, a large, floppy eared dog monster with fur resembling a mustache on his upper lip and a very large axe, and Papyrus ran over and got a hug. “DEAR COMMRADE! HELLO! IT’S SO NICE TO SEE YOU!”
“it’s good to see you, too, Papyrus.” He was wagging his tail and smiled, “I made sure nobody touched this place till you and your date got back. Now that’s done, though, so I do have to be off. Other places to guard, you know.”
“YES OF COURSE! THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN!”
You shyly echoed his thanks, and Dogamy nodded before running off quickly…on all fours. Oh.
Picking up the bin he’d left behind, you sighed. Scorched frames holding photos, a few plates and cups that happened to be ceramic, and what looked like your whole silverware drawer, sat in the bottom of it.
Looking around, your living room and kitchen were gutted, as was your roommate’s former room, and the wall that led to your bedroom. Papyrus helped you get the door open (it had warped) and you found a lot of water damage on the floor, but it was otherwise mostly intact.
Well, that was what you wanted to say, but you just knew you were in the realm of “nothing but the clothes on their back” (well, and the pajamas, those are included in the room fee) and it felt BAD.
Papyrus has his finger up to his teeth, one arm crossed over his chest and tapping his foot, “YOU KNOW, UNDYNE’S HOUSE BURNED DOWN ALL THE TIME UNDERGROUND. I KNOW JUST ABOUT WHAT CAN BE SAVED AND WHAT CAN’T, BUT I DON’T THINK I CAN DO THIS WITH JUST THE TWO OF US. WOULD YOU BE OKAY IF I CALL MY COUSINS AND GET AT LEAST TWO OF THEM DOWN HERE TO HELP?”
Staring at your bedroom, all the grime everywhere, you just nod.
Papyrus goes into a corner and holds his phone up, “CHARM? GET BOA AND HAVE SANS BRING YOU TO Y/N’S PLACE. HM? OH, YES, THEY AGREED TO MOVE IN.” He jumps a bit and you can hear cheering from the phone. You smile a bit; at least you know you’re wanted where you’re going.
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Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? Yeah, especially my mom and I. Is there any food in your bedroom? Just my ramen bowl from last night that I haven’t taken out, yet, but it’s empty. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Yes. How expensive is too expensive for a pair of shoes? I admit to liking my Adidas, which are pricy, but the kind I get are at least under a $100. How far away do your grandparents live from you? They live in another state, about a 12 hour drive away.
What kinds of cereal are in the cupboard? I think there’s just Cinnamon Cheerios at the moment. My family and I don’t really eat cereal much anymore. Is there anything related to cats in your bedroom? No. Whats the last thing you spent over 10$ on? Stuff from Bath & Body Works. They have their fall/Halloween collection in and I just had to get some stuff. Over 30$? ^^^^ Do you know who lives three houses down from you? Nope. Do you think Canadians all really love maple syrup? Do they Lane? lol. I’m not Canadian, but I do love maple syrup. Is there a bulletin board in your room? Yep. Is your mom a big health freak or your dad? Or neither? Neither of them really are, but out of the two my mom is more than my dad. My dad has a major sweet tooth and he likes his junk food. Easter or Halloween? I enjoy both. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? I don’t think we have any at the moment. Do you have your moms or dads hair? I have my dad’s hair color, but my mom’s waviness. She actually had curly hair and has all my life, but she says when she was a kid and teenager it was wavy and then it became curlier as she got older. Whats the first thing you see when you walk into your bedroom? The 4ft giraffe stands out a lot. Have you ever skipped history class? In college I probably did sometimes. I didn’t make a habit of missing class, but it happened now and then either because I didn’t feel well or just didn’t feel up to it that day. I always made sure I knew what was going on that day (like nothing had to be handed in that day or there wasn’t a quiz or exam, of course) and thankfully because of the syllabus I could keep up with the reading and assignments. I just allowed myself to miss a day or two. Do you own any yellow clothes? I have a yellow shirt and a yellow Adidas hoodie. Do you have any friends who have naturally red hair? I have a cousin who does. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? No, but I cried on the last day of 4th grade because I just really liked my teacher lmao. Everyone loved him, he was awesome. It was cool because he ended up being an 8th grade teacher later on and I got to have him again. Does your kitchen looks like it was designed in a completely different decade? No. Whens the last time you wore heels? Never. Do you have your moms or dads eyes? My mom’s. Is there anything shiny in the room youre in? Yeah. Whats the best date movie? I wouldn’t know. How long has your current best friend been your best friend? All 31 years of my life. Have your parents ever been out of the country? Yes, they’ve both been to Italy before I was born and I’m super jealous. Actually, my mom went once when she was pregnant with me so I kinda went haha. I’d like to experience it for real one day. Are you older then the last person you laughed with? Yes. How many pairs of jeans, all together, are in your house? I am not even going to attempt to figure that out. Do you swear and yell while playing video games? No. Would you rather name your daughter Andrea or Eva? Not having kids, but I do like the name Andrea. Is there any alcohol in the fridge? I think there is. If you had to get up at 6am tomorrow morning, would it be painful? I’d be up considering I don’t even go to bed until like 7/8AM. :X Have you ever seen the last person you watched TV with drunk? Yeah. Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? I had a friend do that. Would you rather get a new brother or sister? No new siblings at this point. My mom had a hysterectomy anyway, so unless she’s adopting, which she’s not, it’s not happening. Do you have anything in your room youve had for ten years or more? A lot of things. Do your pets chase after bugs? My doggo chases flies sometimes lol. She sees me going after them with the fly swatter and she tries to help. Would you ever kiss the last person who messaged you on facebook/MSN/etc? No. Do eat at home or in restaurants more? Well, I haven’t ate out at a restaurant since February. We do a lot of takeout, though. We did that a lot even before all this, I prefer it. Whens the last time you were so excited you couldnt sleep? Why? Back in February the night before my Disneyland trip. Audrey Hepburn or Audrey Kicthing? Hepburn. I’ve never even heard of Audrey Kitching. Do you e-mail more often then you talk on MSN/AIM? I don’t know about MSN, which I’ve never had, but AIM hasn’t been a thing for awhile. It’s been over a decade anyway since I’ve used it. I don’t email either, except recently to try and dispute a charge. If your best friends birthday was next week, what would you get them? Well, her birthday is actually next month so I’ve been thinking about what to get her. What is your moms favorite movie? Grease haha. <<< Ha, that’s one of my mom’s faves as well. How much older is your dad then you? He’s 27 years older than me. What TV family reminds you of your own family? Hmm. Do you own any flip-flops? Nope. I don’t wear flip flops, sandals, slip ons, or any open toed shoe. Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies? Nah, my parents didn’t tell me that. Do you have any relatives who really spoil you? My parents. Are there any drawers in your house that are just filled with junk? Yeah, we have the designated junk drawer. I personally have a few :X Is the last person you spoke to in love? Not that I know of. How far away is Chicago from where you live? It’d be a 32 hour drive and like a 4 hour nonstop flight. Do you know anyone who always looks perfect? Who? I think my mom does. She likes to wear makeup, but I truly don’t think she needs it. I’m also super envious of her flawless skin, which I sadly didn’t get. Do you know anyone who has security cameras in their house? Yeah. Do you think Zac Efron is really that good looking? Eh, honestly I’ve never really found him attractive. What was the last movie to make you cry? Hmm. I’m blanking at the moment. Has anyone you know ever pulled the fire alarm in school, joking around? No. Who was the main character in the last book you read? Her name is Emma Griffin. Is the last person you said goodbye to single? One of them is. Who are the last people you saw kiss? People on the show I was watching. Have you ever posted a fan fiction on a website? No. Do you ever fantasize about your future wedding? Whos the bride/groom? Nope. I don’t plan on ever getting married. I’m also not the person who has dreamt of their wedding since they were little. Chapstick or lipgloss? Chapstick. I like ones with a tint of color. What was the last unplesant thing to wake you up? A nightmare. Do you have any friends who are ALWAYS kissing their bf/gf? Does that get annoying? Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Stars. If you could trade appearances with the last person you hugged, would you? Like I said, I’m super envious of my mom’s flawless skin and I think she looks beautiful with or without makeup. Do you have any relatives who are expecting a baby really soon? No. Do you ever wonder what the opposite sex do at sleepovers? Probably play video games, watch movies, and eat. When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man? Sigh. Does your best friend get along with their parents? This same question was in a previous survey I just did. Anyway, yeah she was very close with them when they were alive, but sadly they both have passed away. :( If you were to walk to Florida from where you live, would it take long? Uh, yeah. I live in California and Florida is all the way across on the opposite side. According to Google it would take 912 hours to walk there! Do you understand why 'To kill a mockingbird' is called what it is? I know I learned about the reason why, but I don’t recall. Okay, so I just Googled it because I was curious and yep the explanation is what I was told. When's the last time you broke plans? Why? It’s been a few years now since I’ve had plans, but I started having to cancel and not make plans at all because of health stuff and just for the fact I was really going through a hard time. Have you ever been in a wedding? What were you? Nope. Would you feel safer with an alarm systen or security camera? Both. Does the last person you touched smoke? No. Do you know someone who is CONSTANTLY texting? Does that annoy you? It only annoys me when I’m trying to talk to them because so often they’re too focused on whatever they’re doing on their phone. Does it matter to you what kind of shampoo you use? Yeah. Rate this survey from 1 to 5 (1 worst, 5 best): I don’t like rating stuff, but it was fine.
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Mid-May
It’s a little slow at work today and I’m planning on sneaking out early. I think I’m PMSing again. Lately, I’ve been a little overly fascinated by pretty girls on IG/IG influencers and models. Before, I would follow just one group of influencers but now I see so many young, wannabe or rising models on the explorer page. I’m starting to feel old. When I was younger and I heard people just a few years older me call themselves “ancient”, I found it laughable, but I kinda understand what they mean now. Our skin won’t ever be as taut, our minds never as innocent. Our lives as carefree. I think about what I have to offer in my relationship and feel like my partner can do better than me. It’s not good to feel inferior, as that will breed insecurity and damage the relationship, but I do ask myself, when is he gonna stop being a dumbass and realize that? Or can I trick him long enough to trap him? Lol. I learned something new about the culture in china recently. Traditionally, women in marriages are left to manage the household income. The husband would direct deposit his income into the account that she manages. She would give him an allowance/stipend for his basic needs. The idea is that women have best interest in mind for her family, and if guys have too much spending power, he has a higher chance of committing adultery. Women make the initial investment of giving her youth and fertility to the man, and men make the later investment of finances.
Last Thursday, my old boss came into my office at 4:55pm and asked us for the HR director’s cell phone number. It took me by surprise because it was the first time I saw her in our room. I glanced over and she was surprisingly very friendly with me. Her face was notably red. She commented on how my hair got longer, asked me about my job and my recent trip to Japan. I was in a good mood so I was fine seeing her and was proud of her for not brushing me off. It was the first actual conversation we had since I left a year ago. When I left the office at 5:00pm, she was standing out in the hallway just waiting for some reason. Following that incident, I learned that she was going through personal issues. This past Tuesday, I received news that she was admitted to the ER. My work friends were speculating and thought that she might be schizophrenic. They saw her just standing in the hallways blankly staring into space. She had a history of talking and laughing to herself. Before she was admitted to the ER, she dropped the items in her hand while walking and started to shake. Faculty (and the chief) in her division had to come upstairs to HR to seek counseling help for her. I don’t imagine that faculty helping out the admins happens like that often. After more speculation, it just seems like she had a nervous breakdown. Not sure why exactly, but I think it’s because of her demented and aging father (parents live in Missouri).
At age 45, she still depended on her parents to give her money to buy a new iphone. She still expected Christmas presents or birthday presents… and for them to pay for her plane ticket whenever she visited them in Missouri. I told my mom about this and she said that perhaps she’s very financially dependent on her father. If he falls, she falls too. My mom has always been extremely forgiving towards this boss of mine. I think she is grateful for her mainly because she allowed me a job at UCLA. I said mom, she didn’t hand me the job. I interviewed just like everyone else and competed against dozens of candidates. My current job, sure. I was pretty much handed it. My mom always refers to her as a poor girl, and reminds me to be kind to her. When I heard the news of her being mentally off and being checked into the ER, I felt sick. My former coworker talked to me about how upper management knew she had big mood swings and even described her as “bipolar”. It angered her that they allowed her a supervisory position having known that. She brought up how I could’ve made a bigger scene before I quit, and could’ve went to the union for help. And how HR offered me a job to kinda placate me. At the time, I had thought about it, but I remember reading the guidelines of what counted as “workplace bullying” and my experience didn’t fully fall under that. I don’t know if I would have gone to the union, but if that were the case, my name would definitely be tainted and I wouldn’t be allowed to work here again basically. Currently, she’s still in the ER. I’m glad that I don’t have to be careful walking around campus in fear of bumping into her. But I do hope she leaves and doesn’t return (not this earth, just this campus lol).
Matt came back last Thursday and we are leaving to Seattle tonight. Him being gone felt way longer for me than it did for him it seemed. It was kinda hard seeing him have fun all day/travel whereas I was just at work and living my day to day life in LA. When he got back, he said it kinda felt bad/different. He missed having the sense of family like in China, where his family would eat together every day and talk. He said he doesn’t have that here because everyone’s off doing their own thing. It felt a little different seeing him again. I think when you are traveling in a new country, so much goes on and you get to experience many new things. You come back with new learned perspectives. He asked me to sleepover at his house Friday night. I said okay but to get permission from his mom first. He was shy about asking her but finally did ask through text. His mom responded “yes no problem. Should I buy food?”, to which he said no, it’s okay (always denying me food lol). She ended up buying me chocolate covered strawberries, which I thought was really sweet and romantic of her LOL. I didn’t see his mom that night. When I walked into their house, she was not wearing pants and then just went into her room and stayed there the rest of the night. Matt was sick so I brought over ginger and rock sugar to make ginger tea. I was making that in the kitchen with his brother around juicing stuff. It was the first time Matt had a girl over just casually like that lol. His brother is like 14/15 and reminds me of myself when I was his age. He’s pretty talented in art, cooking and general academics. I see why Matt calls him his 2.0 now. If I had a sister 15 years younger than me, damn straight I would train her to be Connie 2.0 too. The sex that night was a lot. After not seeing him for like almost two weeks, I felt shy with him again. He was also extra horny/missed me. The next day, we went hiking. Got a parking ticket. Dropped him back off at home after because homeboy was jetlagged, sick, and sleep deprived and was dying post hike. I brought up how silly he was to have thought we could have gone to Seattle the weekend he returns. I think I learned my role with him. I’m like the practical, cool one. When he comes up with overly ambitious ideas like GOING TO 3 COUNTRIES IN ONE WEEK, I have to shoot down his idea and tell him no. I am glad I shot down his Seattle idea on the weekend he is back. I said, “you get kinda disappointed when I tell you no.” He said “yeah I do. But I’ll get it later.”
The next day was mother’s day. My parents and grandma went to a party. Matt’s mom got admitted to the ER that day. I half joked that maybe I was a part of it because she might have been scared about him getting me pregnant or whatever. He noted that I’m the calm in his life and that his mom “needs a Connie in her life”. Funnily enough, it seems his dad and I share certain qualities. We both like to be comfortable (sleep on time, hike/nature, have a schedule, be early to appointments), we are the less anal ones in the pair. His dad went to China the same week we left to Asia, and he’s gonna stay for like 3 months. I think having both the dad and Matt gone was hard on her.
I told him that due to his mom’s current state, it’s okay if we cancel Seattle. Southwest offers free cancellation and the Airbnb we booked also had a flexible policy, so we didn’t have anything to lose. I also told him that I don’t mind either way because it’s been a lot of traveling for me already- I don’t mind just chilling at home. At least I’d get enough sleep here lol. Also that because he wants to save up money (since he’ll need to pay for rent now), at least not going will save him money. He said thank you to my considerations. He ended up choosing to go. Over dinner on Tuesday, he said the first thing he will do upon receiving his vacation schedule (he gets 2 two week blocks a year, but can’t choose the dates), is book a trip to Iceland for us. I joked saying “where are your priorities?” lol because it seems he hasn’t done much in preparation for the program but yet is thinking about vacation already. Although it did make me happy to hear that. It’s like a placeholder to keep me attached for x amount of time. By Tuesday, I felt comfortable with him again. As he settles in, stops being sick and jetlagged, and his days return to normalcy.
We talked a little about the trip. I noted how it was too much pressure on the one day we had per country to go well and he agreed. I thought he was high strung especially. Hanging out with him at home is normally chill, as I confirmed hanging out with him again. He is NORMALLY easy going and doesn’t have many opinions on the things we do/eat, but traveling with him under a constraint was different. At least we got to learn more about each other. Going to Seattle after work today- semi PMSing. Here’s to round two of traveling! Will try to be rational and think before reacting. Aiming for good vibes throughout.
Clubbing: I went clubbing for the first time in years (minus the times I went just to show my cousins from France around LA). I guess it’s fun getting dressed up and going with a group of girls just taking pictures together and getting male attention. But I was also reminded about how I don’t like clubbing and it’s not my scene. I tend to drink more to feel at ease in those environments. I was DD and drank kinda a lot (my friend said DD stands for ‘drunk driver’ LOL). The club is actually a sad scene for me now. In the restroom especially, you see these wasted girls. On the dancefloor there are dropped drinks. You have all this unwanted attention. Reminded me of the song “crying in the club” – I don’t know the song but I just know the title lol. I remember when I was younger, I used enjoy getting wasted and remembered that girls are usually very supportive in the restroom. People become nicer and friendlier than if they weren’t drunk. It was a fun night- girl bonding and seeing people was a refreshing way to spend my weekend nights haha
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21 People Share The Time ‘Truth Or Dare’ Got Completely Out Of Control
1.More Than You Bargained For
At a sleepover in junior high we dared our friend to strip down to his underwear…you know, homoerotic pubescent stuff. He comes out from the other room completely naked and gyrating, saying “You got more than you bargained for!”
2.What A Wild Ride
This girl asked her friend to dare someone to have unprotected sex with her. When he received the dare he literally just got up and walked out the house. Then the girl gets drunk, tries it on with a few guys there (to which they all rejected), confessed her love to another guy there, threatened to kill herself, then fell asleep.
3.And He Finished
When a guy I didn’t know was dared to jack off under a blanket and finish while everyone watched. Everyone watched…
4.An Truth Nobody Wanted To Know
At a party someone asked “Who gave you the best blowjob ever?” hoping to get a compliment. Instead, we found out that the man had received a BJ from every woman there and one of the men. That started a long chain of “Wait Bob had sex with Sally? When?” etc. Names changed, feelings were hurt.
5.The Making Of A Serial Killer
My friends little brother (9 or 10 years old) came in and dared one of the girls to slit her finger open, put a paperclip into her finger then stick that paperclip into an electrical outlet while it was still in her finger. After we told him no he offered a replacement dare, which was to go down the street and burn down the church.
6. Vick’s VapoRub
It was around 1998 or so. My buddy had gotten kicked out of his house, and had emotional issues stemming from living with narcissists, Tourettes Syndrome, and being an introvert. He was also having “girl trouble”, as he was the sort of guy who would fall HARD in love with any girl who gave him the time of day, let alone showed any interest in him.
Anywho, my family took him in and let him crash there for a few weeks while his folks came to their senses. He’s laying on the floor of my room, and I know he wants to talk about his issues. But he’s the sort of person that wants the cover of it “being a game” in case he says something that someone is put off by. So, in order to let him get something off his chest, I asked him “Truth or Dare?” and it starts probably 3 or so hours of him talking about his shit.
Now, I’ve gotta work in the morning, and by this time he’s just rehashing shit he’s already said. So in an effort to attempt to get some sleep, I tell him “either you pick Dare, or I roll over and ignore your ass”. Still to this day, I don’t know why he did it… But he picked Dare.
I had just gotten over being sick, with bad bronchitis. Sitting on my nightstand is a jar of Vicks Vap-o-Rub. Trying to think of something that would end this, without blatantly telling him “I dare you to STFU so I can sleep” I spy the bottle on my little nightstand and I backhand swat it to him.
“I dare you to rub this on your scrotum.”
He looks at it, unscrews the cap, and sniffs the bottle. Dunno if it was to verify it was genuine Vicks, or if he’d never used it before, but he did. Then he asked me how much to use.
“Two fingers in the jar, run them around the inside.”
He does so and comes up with an amount equivalent to a golf ball. I see his hand disappear down into the sleeping bag and see motions that are indicative of someone playing with their balls. He pulls his hand out, sniffs it again, and asks “What’s that supposed to dooooAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
His eyes go wide, he clutches his junk, and curls into the fetal position. I’m burying my face in my pillow because I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe. I don’t want to wake up my parents across the hall, so I’m muffling as much laughter as I can while my friend lies in agony.
Finally I get enough air in my lungs to tell him to go wash it off. My friend proceeds to stand up in the sleeping bag and bunny-hop down the hall to the bathroom. I hear the sounds of the faucet being turned on full-blast followed by a very relieved “AHHHHHHH” come from the bathroom.
About five minutes go by and my buddy comes back into my room, sleeping bag over his shoulder and hand around his crotch. He’s taking baby-steps as he comes back to the spot on the floor he was at before, lays down, and mumbles softly “It didn’t help.”
Many, many years later I force him to revisit this particularly shameful incident when I make him a Vicks Cake for his 30th birthday.
We’re still friends. He’s like a brother to me.
7.Is There A Problem, Officer?
There was a time we were playing truth or dare in a hot tub. A girl friend of ours had dared me to get hard in front of everyone. So I get up out of the tub and start playing with myself. Then from around the corner of the house I get a flashlight in my face.
That was the time I masturbated in front of a police officer.
8.An Indecent Proposal
Friend got dared by his girlfriend to have sex with her in the other room and finish inside her (no birth control). He refused, they broke up, we found out it was a setup she had planned to get herself preggies and force him to marry her. Strange night.
9.Hold My Beer
“Bet you can’t jump that ditch.” Four hours later the guy had dislocated one of shoulders the doctor told us.
10. Jealous Times At University
In my first or second year of UNI my group of friends and I were having a get together after finals ended. Considering finals had just ended and it was only about 7 of us, consuming alcohol seemed like the go to activity.
So once the buzz started to hit us one of my friends tried to start a game of spin the bottle, but being a group of three couples and one single guy we decided to play truth or dare instead.
Like all truth or dare games it started out pretty innocently (Take more shots, who’s your celebrity crush, ect), but eventually things turned a bit weird. Our one single guy decided to dare one of the girls to lick whipped cream off of his schlong, and with a reluctant nod from her boyfriend she got to action. Or…at least tried to.
Once she took off the dude’s pants and saw his (well) hung appendage she yells “Damn I’ve never seen one this big!” And before she could even uncap the whipped cream her boyfriend was swinging full force at the guy. Me and my other friend had to get in between a half naked guy and a drunk ape, and by the time we split them up everyone was uncomfortable as hell. After we resolved it and me and my girlfriend started leaving I just remember her leaning up to my ear and telling me “She knew her boyfriend was self conscious about his dick.”
11. At McDonald’s, In Your Underwear
Probably 20years old at the time. Gf her sister and girl cousin from Germany were in the car. Cousin says let’s play and so we all said OK. All fun and games till we pull over into a McDonald’s parking lot and I get dared to walk in and order fries in my underwear. They drove off and I had to borrow the phone to call my gf to make them come back for me. Saw all the tits though, so it was worth it.
12. It Just Became A Giant Orgy
I found out my fiance’s bachelorette party was basically an orgy. I found out years later from someone who was in attendance. I think the fun began as a Truth or Dare game. A co-worker of my wife’s ate her out. Two men staying on the same hotel floor fucked my wife-to-be and her friend. I had no idea until after our divorce. It’s funny…my bachelor party was so tame. We grilled and walked downtown to a couple bars and were back by midnight. Who knew?
13.Why Not Both…Or All?
At my first job, back when I was a teenager, about 6 of us were playing this mid-shift. 3 girls, 3 guys. It was barely starting to get risqu and one of the guys is asked “have you ever masturbated to thoughts of a coworker?” And he says yes.
This is as juicy as it’s gotten, so we latch onto it. The next time around, he’s asked if he’s masturbated to anyone else playing. He says yes. Next round, he’s asked to name which of us he’s jerked it to. He looks at us one by one, then says “all of you.” The guys all got flustered as hell, they’d never even realized they were on the roster.
14. It Was All He Had
I think my most exciting game of truth or dare was cut down in its prime when a guy dared his girlfriend to flash everyone and then broke down crying because now everyone had seen her bikini zone and he no longer felt special.
15. The Wrong Hole
When I was 17, I was “studying” with a girl who started a game of truth or dare with me. I hadn’t kissed since 4th grade, and we were clearly into each other. The game started with me as the asker. She chose dare. Me being the naive, socially awkward individual that I am, dared her to touch the bottom of my family’s shared toilet (which was actually really clean). She resisted, but eventually did it. When my turn came around I chose dare, it was only fair to do so after what I just put her through. She dared me to finger her. At the moment I was ecstatic. As we made our way to the sauna adjoining the bathroom a rush of terror came over me. I had no idea how to do what I was about to do. I’d basically never kissed, and now I was about to finger this chick. Anyways, we get into the sauna and its pitch black. I feel around and find her pelvic region. As I work my way down I try to recollect the very few pornos I’d seen to that point. I start feeling around and wiggling my finger side to side. She jerked her whole body back and exclaimed, “too low!” I quickly realized that I had fingered the wrong hole. And slide it (the same finger) up to her vag. After about 10 seconds she said I was doing it too hard, and about 20 seconds later she stopped me completely. Needless to say, it was a short lived study session.
16.She Went Above And Waaaay Beyond
We told her she had to kiss the dog, we didn’t think she was going to use tongue. After that we just didn’t want to play anymore.
17. A Disastrous Ending
This is a growing up pre-internet disclaimer. Seeing boobs was elusive if you had no access to a “porn stash”. I didn’t. So you’d see them in movies…and no pausing them mind you. No VCR. You’d see the boobs then poof their gone. So over my friends house when I was 13 his older stepsister and her friend were bored and actually talking to us. They were 15. It just started. I had never played before, but I knew the rules. We had a round of Truths. Then Dares. I dared my friends stepsister to flash her boobs. SHE DID!. Real boobs. It was magical. I got dared to strip naked. All the way naked. I did very reluctantly. I had a boner and out of nowhere the stepsister touches it and instant launch. It was awful. There were screams of “ewww” and gross. She shoved me and I fell backwards. It wasn’t a good ending to what could have been a spectacular evening.
18. Lucy And Kyle Break Up
A few years ago now my friends and I all decided to try and make jello shots for the first time. We added way too much vodka to them but we all felt obligated to finish them. We took the empty handle of Smirnoff and one of my friends decided to play truth or dare spin the bottle. With all of us pretty trashed already it seemed like a good idea.
For the first few rounds it was all fine, pretty normal stuff; take a shot, go outside and eat some snow (it was winter break). But then one friend, let’s call him Kevin, decided to dare one of the girls to take off her top. Now no one at the party was single, and everyone’s respective partner was in attendance, which will be important later.
The girl Kevin asked to take her top off decided to play along and that was fine. But her boyfriend, we’ll call him Kyle, seemed to get jealous because he then made it his mission to get Kevin’s girlfriend naked. Every time it was Kyle’s turn he would find a way to target Kevin’s girlfriend. The bottle pointed to me at one point and he dared me to take off Kevin’s girlfriend’s bra (of course I did it being a team player). It didn’t take long for Kevin to pick up on this so he started to target Kyle’s girlfriend for the same purpose.
I should also mention that truth became all but ruled out around this time because anyone who opted for it would be ridiculed for choosing the “pussy option”.
Eventually Kevin, Kyle, their girlfriends (call them Emily and Lucy respectively), and everyone else in the circle, 8 of us total, we’re down to nothing but underwear bottoms. Kevin gets a turn and dares Lucy to let him take off her panties. She blushes and and tries to say no but everyone begins to cheer for her to do it. Eventually she gets up, walks over to Kevin, and he just rips off her panties and immediately buries his face in her crotch and she starts to moan and stays on his face. The room goes silent, Emily gets up and storms out of the room.
Apparently Lucy and Kevin had been cheating with each other. Kyle had been suspicious but didn’t want to risk accusing Lucy without proof. Obviously this let the cat out of the bag and what followed were some very choice words and us never hanging out with Kevin or Lucy again.
19. Middle School Is So Awful
This was at a birthday party in middle school. A late-blooming boy chose “truth” and was asked if he had pubes. He was silent for what seemed like forever, then said “no” softly, causing the room to erupt with laughter. He began to cry and had to leave the room. He didn’t come out for HOURS. He had a girlfriend at the party so I’m sure it added to the embarrassment.
20. “It Was Terrifying”
We (3 guys and 3 girls) were all in the hottub at this chick’s house playing ‘Truth or Dare’, and I get dared to go mash my dick/balls up against her parents’ bedroom window. Granted, it’s like 1am, and the whole house is completely dark, so I thought it would be no big deal.
Get out of the hottub, run over to the window, drop my suit, and smash my junk up against the window for a few moments. Then, in the reflective light of the pool, I catch a glimpse of her parents sitting right inside the window, watching us from inside. They didn’t even blink, just just watched me. It was fucking terrifying. TERRIFYING. Like, I saw them for a split fucking second as the light passed over the glass, just inches away from my mashed up dick on the other side of the window. Something from a horror movie. I gasped and ran back to the hottub, got back in, and just sat there in complete silence.
A couple minutes later, her dad comes outside laughing, hands me a beer, and then reminisces with all of us for a minute about the crazy shit he did when he was a kid.
I’ve never felt a shock like I did when I saw their faces. It still haunts me sometimes, but it all turned out better than expected.
…I was 25.
21.The Lamest House Party Ever
I was at my first ever house party. I was pretty drunk, didn’t really know many people there and wanted to impress. So naturally, when we were playing truth or dare and someone dared me to strip to my boxers and run around the garden (fully expecting me not to do it and to instead take the forfeit of five tequila shots), I actually did it. Instead of cheers of “haha, he actually did it the madman” everyone just thought I was some sort of weird pervert and hardly anyone would talk to me for the rest of the party.
Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/26/21-people-share-the-time-truth-or-dare-got-completely-out-of-control/
from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/26/21-people-share-the-time-truth-or-dare-got-completely-out-of-control/
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21 People Share The Time ‘Truth Or Dare’ Got Completely Out Of Control
1.More Than You Bargained For
At a sleepover in junior high we dared our friend to strip down to his underwear…you know, homoerotic pubescent stuff. He comes out from the other room completely naked and gyrating, saying “You got more than you bargained for!”
2.What A Wild Ride
This girl asked her friend to dare someone to have unprotected sex with her. When he received the dare he literally just got up and walked out the house. Then the girl gets drunk, tries it on with a few guys there (to which they all rejected), confessed her love to another guy there, threatened to kill herself, then fell asleep.
3.And He Finished
When a guy I didn’t know was dared to jack off under a blanket and finish while everyone watched. Everyone watched…
4.An Truth Nobody Wanted To Know
At a party someone asked “Who gave you the best blowjob ever?” hoping to get a compliment. Instead, we found out that the man had received a BJ from every woman there and one of the men. That started a long chain of “Wait Bob had sex with Sally? When?” etc. Names changed, feelings were hurt.
5.The Making Of A Serial Killer
My friends little brother (9 or 10 years old) came in and dared one of the girls to slit her finger open, put a paperclip into her finger then stick that paperclip into an electrical outlet while it was still in her finger. After we told him no he offered a replacement dare, which was to go down the street and burn down the church.
6. Vick’s VapoRub
It was around 1998 or so. My buddy had gotten kicked out of his house, and had emotional issues stemming from living with narcissists, Tourettes Syndrome, and being an introvert. He was also having “girl trouble”, as he was the sort of guy who would fall HARD in love with any girl who gave him the time of day, let alone showed any interest in him.
Anywho, my family took him in and let him crash there for a few weeks while his folks came to their senses. He’s laying on the floor of my room, and I know he wants to talk about his issues. But he’s the sort of person that wants the cover of it “being a game” in case he says something that someone is put off by. So, in order to let him get something off his chest, I asked him “Truth or Dare?” and it starts probably 3 or so hours of him talking about his shit.
Now, I’ve gotta work in the morning, and by this time he’s just rehashing shit he’s already said. So in an effort to attempt to get some sleep, I tell him “either you pick Dare, or I roll over and ignore your ass”. Still to this day, I don’t know why he did it… But he picked Dare.
I had just gotten over being sick, with bad bronchitis. Sitting on my nightstand is a jar of Vicks Vap-o-Rub. Trying to think of something that would end this, without blatantly telling him “I dare you to STFU so I can sleep” I spy the bottle on my little nightstand and I backhand swat it to him.
“I dare you to rub this on your scrotum.”
He looks at it, unscrews the cap, and sniffs the bottle. Dunno if it was to verify it was genuine Vicks, or if he’d never used it before, but he did. Then he asked me how much to use.
“Two fingers in the jar, run them around the inside.”
He does so and comes up with an amount equivalent to a golf ball. I see his hand disappear down into the sleeping bag and see motions that are indicative of someone playing with their balls. He pulls his hand out, sniffs it again, and asks “What’s that supposed to dooooAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
His eyes go wide, he clutches his junk, and curls into the fetal position. I’m burying my face in my pillow because I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe. I don’t want to wake up my parents across the hall, so I’m muffling as much laughter as I can while my friend lies in agony.
Finally I get enough air in my lungs to tell him to go wash it off. My friend proceeds to stand up in the sleeping bag and bunny-hop down the hall to the bathroom. I hear the sounds of the faucet being turned on full-blast followed by a very relieved “AHHHHHHH” come from the bathroom.
About five minutes go by and my buddy comes back into my room, sleeping bag over his shoulder and hand around his crotch. He’s taking baby-steps as he comes back to the spot on the floor he was at before, lays down, and mumbles softly “It didn’t help.”
Many, many years later I force him to revisit this particularly shameful incident when I make him a Vicks Cake for his 30th birthday.
We’re still friends. He’s like a brother to me.
7.Is There A Problem, Officer?
There was a time we were playing truth or dare in a hot tub. A girl friend of ours had dared me to get hard in front of everyone. So I get up out of the tub and start playing with myself. Then from around the corner of the house I get a flashlight in my face.
That was the time I masturbated in front of a police officer.
8.An Indecent Proposal
Friend got dared by his girlfriend to have sex with her in the other room and finish inside her (no birth control). He refused, they broke up, we found out it was a setup she had planned to get herself preggies and force him to marry her. Strange night.
9.Hold My Beer
“Bet you can’t jump that ditch.” Four hours later the guy had dislocated one of shoulders the doctor told us.
10. Jealous Times At University
In my first or second year of UNI my group of friends and I were having a get together after finals ended. Considering finals had just ended and it was only about 7 of us, consuming alcohol seemed like the go to activity.
So once the buzz started to hit us one of my friends tried to start a game of spin the bottle, but being a group of three couples and one single guy we decided to play truth or dare instead.
Like all truth or dare games it started out pretty innocently (Take more shots, who’s your celebrity crush, ect), but eventually things turned a bit weird. Our one single guy decided to dare one of the girls to lick whipped cream off of his schlong, and with a reluctant nod from her boyfriend she got to action. Or…at least tried to.
Once she took off the dude’s pants and saw his (well) hung appendage she yells “Damn I’ve never seen one this big!” And before she could even uncap the whipped cream her boyfriend was swinging full force at the guy. Me and my other friend had to get in between a half naked guy and a drunk ape, and by the time we split them up everyone was uncomfortable as hell. After we resolved it and me and my girlfriend started leaving I just remember her leaning up to my ear and telling me “She knew her boyfriend was self conscious about his dick.”
11. At McDonald’s, In Your Underwear
Probably 20years old at the time. Gf her sister and girl cousin from Germany were in the car. Cousin says let’s play and so we all said OK. All fun and games till we pull over into a McDonald’s parking lot and I get dared to walk in and order fries in my underwear. They drove off and I had to borrow the phone to call my gf to make them come back for me. Saw all the tits though, so it was worth it.
12. It Just Became A Giant Orgy
I found out my fiance’s bachelorette party was basically an orgy. I found out years later from someone who was in attendance. I think the fun began as a Truth or Dare game. A co-worker of my wife’s ate her out. Two men staying on the same hotel floor fucked my wife-to-be and her friend. I had no idea until after our divorce. It’s funny…my bachelor party was so tame. We grilled and walked downtown to a couple bars and were back by midnight. Who knew?
13.Why Not Both…Or All?
At my first job, back when I was a teenager, about 6 of us were playing this mid-shift. 3 girls, 3 guys. It was barely starting to get risqu and one of the guys is asked “have you ever masturbated to thoughts of a coworker?” And he says yes.
This is as juicy as it’s gotten, so we latch onto it. The next time around, he’s asked if he’s masturbated to anyone else playing. He says yes. Next round, he’s asked to name which of us he’s jerked it to. He looks at us one by one, then says “all of you.” The guys all got flustered as hell, they’d never even realized they were on the roster.
14. It Was All He Had
I think my most exciting game of truth or dare was cut down in its prime when a guy dared his girlfriend to flash everyone and then broke down crying because now everyone had seen her bikini zone and he no longer felt special.
15. The Wrong Hole
When I was 17, I was “studying” with a girl who started a game of truth or dare with me. I hadn’t kissed since 4th grade, and we were clearly into each other. The game started with me as the asker. She chose dare. Me being the naive, socially awkward individual that I am, dared her to touch the bottom of my family’s shared toilet (which was actually really clean). She resisted, but eventually did it. When my turn came around I chose dare, it was only fair to do so after what I just put her through. She dared me to finger her. At the moment I was ecstatic. As we made our way to the sauna adjoining the bathroom a rush of terror came over me. I had no idea how to do what I was about to do. I’d basically never kissed, and now I was about to finger this chick. Anyways, we get into the sauna and its pitch black. I feel around and find her pelvic region. As I work my way down I try to recollect the very few pornos I’d seen to that point. I start feeling around and wiggling my finger side to side. She jerked her whole body back and exclaimed, “too low!” I quickly realized that I had fingered the wrong hole. And slide it (the same finger) up to her vag. After about 10 seconds she said I was doing it too hard, and about 20 seconds later she stopped me completely. Needless to say, it was a short lived study session.
16.She Went Above And Waaaay Beyond
We told her she had to kiss the dog, we didn’t think she was going to use tongue. After that we just didn’t want to play anymore.
17. A Disastrous Ending
This is a growing up pre-internet disclaimer. Seeing boobs was elusive if you had no access to a “porn stash”. I didn’t. So you’d see them in movies…and no pausing them mind you. No VCR. You’d see the boobs then poof their gone. So over my friends house when I was 13 his older stepsister and her friend were bored and actually talking to us. They were 15. It just started. I had never played before, but I knew the rules. We had a round of Truths. Then Dares. I dared my friends stepsister to flash her boobs. SHE DID!. Real boobs. It was magical. I got dared to strip naked. All the way naked. I did very reluctantly. I had a boner and out of nowhere the stepsister touches it and instant launch. It was awful. There were screams of “ewww” and gross. She shoved me and I fell backwards. It wasn’t a good ending to what could have been a spectacular evening.
18. Lucy And Kyle Break Up
A few years ago now my friends and I all decided to try and make jello shots for the first time. We added way too much vodka to them but we all felt obligated to finish them. We took the empty handle of Smirnoff and one of my friends decided to play truth or dare spin the bottle. With all of us pretty trashed already it seemed like a good idea.
For the first few rounds it was all fine, pretty normal stuff; take a shot, go outside and eat some snow (it was winter break). But then one friend, let’s call him Kevin, decided to dare one of the girls to take off her top. Now no one at the party was single, and everyone’s respective partner was in attendance, which will be important later.
The girl Kevin asked to take her top off decided to play along and that was fine. But her boyfriend, we’ll call him Kyle, seemed to get jealous because he then made it his mission to get Kevin’s girlfriend naked. Every time it was Kyle’s turn he would find a way to target Kevin’s girlfriend. The bottle pointed to me at one point and he dared me to take off Kevin’s girlfriend’s bra (of course I did it being a team player). It didn’t take long for Kevin to pick up on this so he started to target Kyle’s girlfriend for the same purpose.
I should also mention that truth became all but ruled out around this time because anyone who opted for it would be ridiculed for choosing the “pussy option”.
Eventually Kevin, Kyle, their girlfriends (call them Emily and Lucy respectively), and everyone else in the circle, 8 of us total, we’re down to nothing but underwear bottoms. Kevin gets a turn and dares Lucy to let him take off her panties. She blushes and and tries to say no but everyone begins to cheer for her to do it. Eventually she gets up, walks over to Kevin, and he just rips off her panties and immediately buries his face in her crotch and she starts to moan and stays on his face. The room goes silent, Emily gets up and storms out of the room.
Apparently Lucy and Kevin had been cheating with each other. Kyle had been suspicious but didn’t want to risk accusing Lucy without proof. Obviously this let the cat out of the bag and what followed were some very choice words and us never hanging out with Kevin or Lucy again.
19. Middle School Is So Awful
This was at a birthday party in middle school. A late-blooming boy chose “truth” and was asked if he had pubes. He was silent for what seemed like forever, then said “no” softly, causing the room to erupt with laughter. He began to cry and had to leave the room. He didn’t come out for HOURS. He had a girlfriend at the party so I’m sure it added to the embarrassment.
20. “It Was Terrifying”
We (3 guys and 3 girls) were all in the hottub at this chick’s house playing ‘Truth or Dare’, and I get dared to go mash my dick/balls up against her parents’ bedroom window. Granted, it’s like 1am, and the whole house is completely dark, so I thought it would be no big deal.
Get out of the hottub, run over to the window, drop my suit, and smash my junk up against the window for a few moments. Then, in the reflective light of the pool, I catch a glimpse of her parents sitting right inside the window, watching us from inside. They didn’t even blink, just just watched me. It was fucking terrifying. TERRIFYING. Like, I saw them for a split fucking second as the light passed over the glass, just inches away from my mashed up dick on the other side of the window. Something from a horror movie. I gasped and ran back to the hottub, got back in, and just sat there in complete silence.
A couple minutes later, her dad comes outside laughing, hands me a beer, and then reminisces with all of us for a minute about the crazy shit he did when he was a kid.
I’ve never felt a shock like I did when I saw their faces. It still haunts me sometimes, but it all turned out better than expected.
…I was 25.
21.The Lamest House Party Ever
I was at my first ever house party. I was pretty drunk, didn’t really know many people there and wanted to impress. So naturally, when we were playing truth or dare and someone dared me to strip to my boxers and run around the garden (fully expecting me not to do it and to instead take the forfeit of five tequila shots), I actually did it. Instead of cheers of “haha, he actually did it the madman” everyone just thought I was some sort of weird pervert and hardly anyone would talk to me for the rest of the party.
from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/26/21-people-share-the-time-truth-or-dare-got-completely-out-of-control/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/166806033887
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21 People Share The Time ‘Truth Or Dare’ Got Completely Out Of Control
1.More Than You Bargained For
At a sleepover in junior high we dared our friend to strip down to his underwear…you know, homoerotic pubescent stuff. He comes out from the other room completely naked and gyrating, saying “You got more than you bargained for!”
2.What A Wild Ride
This girl asked her friend to dare someone to have unprotected sex with her. When he received the dare he literally just got up and walked out the house. Then the girl gets drunk, tries it on with a few guys there (to which they all rejected), confessed her love to another guy there, threatened to kill herself, then fell asleep.
3.And He Finished
When a guy I didn’t know was dared to jack off under a blanket and finish while everyone watched. Everyone watched…
4.An Truth Nobody Wanted To Know
At a party someone asked “Who gave you the best blowjob ever?” hoping to get a compliment. Instead, we found out that the man had received a BJ from every woman there and one of the men. That started a long chain of “Wait Bob had sex with Sally? When?” etc. Names changed, feelings were hurt.
5.The Making Of A Serial Killer
My friends little brother (9 or 10 years old) came in and dared one of the girls to slit her finger open, put a paperclip into her finger then stick that paperclip into an electrical outlet while it was still in her finger. After we told him no he offered a replacement dare, which was to go down the street and burn down the church.
6. Vick’s VapoRub
It was around 1998 or so. My buddy had gotten kicked out of his house, and had emotional issues stemming from living with narcissists, Tourettes Syndrome, and being an introvert. He was also having “girl trouble”, as he was the sort of guy who would fall HARD in love with any girl who gave him the time of day, let alone showed any interest in him.
Anywho, my family took him in and let him crash there for a few weeks while his folks came to their senses. He’s laying on the floor of my room, and I know he wants to talk about his issues. But he’s the sort of person that wants the cover of it “being a game” in case he says something that someone is put off by. So, in order to let him get something off his chest, I asked him “Truth or Dare?” and it starts probably 3 or so hours of him talking about his shit.
Now, I’ve gotta work in the morning, and by this time he’s just rehashing shit he’s already said. So in an effort to attempt to get some sleep, I tell him “either you pick Dare, or I roll over and ignore your ass”. Still to this day, I don’t know why he did it… But he picked Dare.
I had just gotten over being sick, with bad bronchitis. Sitting on my nightstand is a jar of Vicks Vap-o-Rub. Trying to think of something that would end this, without blatantly telling him “I dare you to STFU so I can sleep” I spy the bottle on my little nightstand and I backhand swat it to him.
“I dare you to rub this on your scrotum.”
He looks at it, unscrews the cap, and sniffs the bottle. Dunno if it was to verify it was genuine Vicks, or if he’d never used it before, but he did. Then he asked me how much to use.
“Two fingers in the jar, run them around the inside.”
He does so and comes up with an amount equivalent to a golf ball. I see his hand disappear down into the sleeping bag and see motions that are indicative of someone playing with their balls. He pulls his hand out, sniffs it again, and asks “What’s that supposed to dooooAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
His eyes go wide, he clutches his junk, and curls into the fetal position. I’m burying my face in my pillow because I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe. I don’t want to wake up my parents across the hall, so I’m muffling as much laughter as I can while my friend lies in agony.
Finally I get enough air in my lungs to tell him to go wash it off. My friend proceeds to stand up in the sleeping bag and bunny-hop down the hall to the bathroom. I hear the sounds of the faucet being turned on full-blast followed by a very relieved “AHHHHHHH” come from the bathroom.
About five minutes go by and my buddy comes back into my room, sleeping bag over his shoulder and hand around his crotch. He’s taking baby-steps as he comes back to the spot on the floor he was at before, lays down, and mumbles softly “It didn’t help.”
Many, many years later I force him to revisit this particularly shameful incident when I make him a Vicks Cake for his 30th birthday.
We’re still friends. He’s like a brother to me.
7.Is There A Problem, Officer?
There was a time we were playing truth or dare in a hot tub. A girl friend of ours had dared me to get hard in front of everyone. So I get up out of the tub and start playing with myself. Then from around the corner of the house I get a flashlight in my face.
That was the time I masturbated in front of a police officer.
8.An Indecent Proposal
Friend got dared by his girlfriend to have sex with her in the other room and finish inside her (no birth control). He refused, they broke up, we found out it was a setup she had planned to get herself preggies and force him to marry her. Strange night.
9.Hold My Beer
“Bet you can’t jump that ditch.” Four hours later the guy had dislocated one of shoulders the doctor told us.
10. Jealous Times At University
In my first or second year of UNI my group of friends and I were having a get together after finals ended. Considering finals had just ended and it was only about 7 of us, consuming alcohol seemed like the go to activity.
So once the buzz started to hit us one of my friends tried to start a game of spin the bottle, but being a group of three couples and one single guy we decided to play truth or dare instead.
Like all truth or dare games it started out pretty innocently (Take more shots, who’s your celebrity crush, ect), but eventually things turned a bit weird. Our one single guy decided to dare one of the girls to lick whipped cream off of his schlong, and with a reluctant nod from her boyfriend she got to action. Or…at least tried to.
Once she took off the dude’s pants and saw his (well) hung appendage she yells “Damn I’ve never seen one this big!” And before she could even uncap the whipped cream her boyfriend was swinging full force at the guy. Me and my other friend had to get in between a half naked guy and a drunk ape, and by the time we split them up everyone was uncomfortable as hell. After we resolved it and me and my girlfriend started leaving I just remember her leaning up to my ear and telling me “She knew her boyfriend was self conscious about his dick.”
11. At McDonald’s, In Your Underwear
Probably 20years old at the time. Gf her sister and girl cousin from Germany were in the car. Cousin says let’s play and so we all said OK. All fun and games till we pull over into a McDonald’s parking lot and I get dared to walk in and order fries in my underwear. They drove off and I had to borrow the phone to call my gf to make them come back for me. Saw all the tits though, so it was worth it.
12. It Just Became A Giant Orgy
I found out my fiance’s bachelorette party was basically an orgy. I found out years later from someone who was in attendance. I think the fun began as a Truth or Dare game. A co-worker of my wife’s ate her out. Two men staying on the same hotel floor fucked my wife-to-be and her friend. I had no idea until after our divorce. It’s funny…my bachelor party was so tame. We grilled and walked downtown to a couple bars and were back by midnight. Who knew?
13.Why Not Both…Or All?
At my first job, back when I was a teenager, about 6 of us were playing this mid-shift. 3 girls, 3 guys. It was barely starting to get risqu and one of the guys is asked “have you ever masturbated to thoughts of a coworker?” And he says yes.
This is as juicy as it’s gotten, so we latch onto it. The next time around, he’s asked if he’s masturbated to anyone else playing. He says yes. Next round, he’s asked to name which of us he’s jerked it to. He looks at us one by one, then says “all of you.” The guys all got flustered as hell, they’d never even realized they were on the roster.
14. It Was All He Had
I think my most exciting game of truth or dare was cut down in its prime when a guy dared his girlfriend to flash everyone and then broke down crying because now everyone had seen her bikini zone and he no longer felt special.
15. The Wrong Hole
When I was 17, I was “studying” with a girl who started a game of truth or dare with me. I hadn’t kissed since 4th grade, and we were clearly into each other. The game started with me as the asker. She chose dare. Me being the naive, socially awkward individual that I am, dared her to touch the bottom of my family’s shared toilet (which was actually really clean). She resisted, but eventually did it. When my turn came around I chose dare, it was only fair to do so after what I just put her through. She dared me to finger her. At the moment I was ecstatic. As we made our way to the sauna adjoining the bathroom a rush of terror came over me. I had no idea how to do what I was about to do. I’d basically never kissed, and now I was about to finger this chick. Anyways, we get into the sauna and its pitch black. I feel around and find her pelvic region. As I work my way down I try to recollect the very few pornos I’d seen to that point. I start feeling around and wiggling my finger side to side. She jerked her whole body back and exclaimed, “too low!” I quickly realized that I had fingered the wrong hole. And slide it (the same finger) up to her vag. After about 10 seconds she said I was doing it too hard, and about 20 seconds later she stopped me completely. Needless to say, it was a short lived study session.
16.She Went Above And Waaaay Beyond
We told her she had to kiss the dog, we didn’t think she was going to use tongue. After that we just didn’t want to play anymore.
17. A Disastrous Ending
This is a growing up pre-internet disclaimer. Seeing boobs was elusive if you had no access to a “porn stash”. I didn’t. So you’d see them in movies…and no pausing them mind you. No VCR. You’d see the boobs then poof their gone. So over my friends house when I was 13 his older stepsister and her friend were bored and actually talking to us. They were 15. It just started. I had never played before, but I knew the rules. We had a round of Truths. Then Dares. I dared my friends stepsister to flash her boobs. SHE DID!. Real boobs. It was magical. I got dared to strip naked. All the way naked. I did very reluctantly. I had a boner and out of nowhere the stepsister touches it and instant launch. It was awful. There were screams of “ewww” and gross. She shoved me and I fell backwards. It wasn’t a good ending to what could have been a spectacular evening.
18. Lucy And Kyle Break Up
A few years ago now my friends and I all decided to try and make jello shots for the first time. We added way too much vodka to them but we all felt obligated to finish them. We took the empty handle of Smirnoff and one of my friends decided to play truth or dare spin the bottle. With all of us pretty trashed already it seemed like a good idea.
For the first few rounds it was all fine, pretty normal stuff; take a shot, go outside and eat some snow (it was winter break). But then one friend, let’s call him Kevin, decided to dare one of the girls to take off her top. Now no one at the party was single, and everyone’s respective partner was in attendance, which will be important later.
The girl Kevin asked to take her top off decided to play along and that was fine. But her boyfriend, we’ll call him Kyle, seemed to get jealous because he then made it his mission to get Kevin’s girlfriend naked. Every time it was Kyle’s turn he would find a way to target Kevin’s girlfriend. The bottle pointed to me at one point and he dared me to take off Kevin’s girlfriend’s bra (of course I did it being a team player). It didn’t take long for Kevin to pick up on this so he started to target Kyle’s girlfriend for the same purpose.
I should also mention that truth became all but ruled out around this time because anyone who opted for it would be ridiculed for choosing the “pussy option”.
Eventually Kevin, Kyle, their girlfriends (call them Emily and Lucy respectively), and everyone else in the circle, 8 of us total, we’re down to nothing but underwear bottoms. Kevin gets a turn and dares Lucy to let him take off her panties. She blushes and and tries to say no but everyone begins to cheer for her to do it. Eventually she gets up, walks over to Kevin, and he just rips off her panties and immediately buries his face in her crotch and she starts to moan and stays on his face. The room goes silent, Emily gets up and storms out of the room.
Apparently Lucy and Kevin had been cheating with each other. Kyle had been suspicious but didn’t want to risk accusing Lucy without proof. Obviously this let the cat out of the bag and what followed were some very choice words and us never hanging out with Kevin or Lucy again.
19. Middle School Is So Awful
This was at a birthday party in middle school. A late-blooming boy chose “truth” and was asked if he had pubes. He was silent for what seemed like forever, then said “no” softly, causing the room to erupt with laughter. He began to cry and had to leave the room. He didn’t come out for HOURS. He had a girlfriend at the party so I’m sure it added to the embarrassment.
20. “It Was Terrifying”
We (3 guys and 3 girls) were all in the hottub at this chick’s house playing ‘Truth or Dare’, and I get dared to go mash my dick/balls up against her parents’ bedroom window. Granted, it’s like 1am, and the whole house is completely dark, so I thought it would be no big deal.
Get out of the hottub, run over to the window, drop my suit, and smash my junk up against the window for a few moments. Then, in the reflective light of the pool, I catch a glimpse of her parents sitting right inside the window, watching us from inside. They didn’t even blink, just just watched me. It was fucking terrifying. TERRIFYING. Like, I saw them for a split fucking second as the light passed over the glass, just inches away from my mashed up dick on the other side of the window. Something from a horror movie. I gasped and ran back to the hottub, got back in, and just sat there in complete silence.
A couple minutes later, her dad comes outside laughing, hands me a beer, and then reminisces with all of us for a minute about the crazy shit he did when he was a kid.
I’ve never felt a shock like I did when I saw their faces. It still haunts me sometimes, but it all turned out better than expected.
…I was 25.
21.The Lamest House Party Ever
I was at my first ever house party. I was pretty drunk, didn’t really know many people there and wanted to impress. So naturally, when we were playing truth or dare and someone dared me to strip to my boxers and run around the garden (fully expecting me not to do it and to instead take the forfeit of five tequila shots), I actually did it. Instead of cheers of “haha, he actually did it the madman” everyone just thought I was some sort of weird pervert and hardly anyone would talk to me for the rest of the party.
from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/26/21-people-share-the-time-truth-or-dare-got-completely-out-of-control/
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