#personally i think u guys r lying about how many teenagers have sex. i think there r more people that dont than people that do

[backseatloversz]

@toddtakefive exactly thank u!!!!!

youre 25 wyd calling a teenager from an old pg movie a bratty sub bottom and writing softcore porn abt him 🤨 dont you have taxes to be filing.

[diaphragmjellyfish]

Robby NSFW Alphabet

not my gif

A: Aftercare

Robby’s aftercare is ON POINT. He’s a huge cuddler and loves to have the chance to take care of someone who really appreciates it and takes care of him in return. He will get a soft, damp cloth and clean you off before pulling you onto his chest and wrapping you both up in tons of blankets. He likes to pet your hair while you fall asleep, and hold you so that no one can hurt you while you’re in such a vulnerable state. He knows, realistically, that no one is gonna jump out of the closet and attack you, but it makes him feel needed. 

B: Body Part

His favorite body part of yours is your hands. He loves holding them up next to his and comparing, he loves holding your hand, and he loves when your hand is wrapped around his cock while y’all are in private. He can’t help but look at your left hand and picture a pretty ring on that finger, imagining the beautiful future he wants to have with you. His favorite body part of his is his butt. The boy works out, and he knows how much you like it. He honestly never noticed his butt before, whether it was nice or not, until you started pointing it out, and now he walks around in leggings just to get your attention!

C: Cum

He likes to cum in your mouth. Blowjobs make him feel like he’s in heaven, and when you swallow, it makes Robby feel like you’re accepting him and worshipping him like no one ever has before. He also likes to finish inside you (wrap it up) because of how intimate it is. Not part of the prompt, but he loves to make you sit on his face and cum all over his mouth, dirty boy. 

D: Dirty Secret

Robby has always wanted to try more public sex. The thought of getting caught riles him to no end, and he gets so turned on by the idea of holding his hand over your mouth in a janitor’s closet so people walking past don’t hear your moans. If you wanted to try it, y’all would start small, like your backyard, and work your way up, but if you weren;t into it, that’s fine with him too. 

E: Experience

He’s decently experienced. Robby had a one night stand or two before he met Mr. Larusso, when he hung out with those hooligans, but it never meant anything. With you, it’s his first time doing it with feelings involved, and he was blown away by how much better it was that way. He was experienced enough to not bust in T-2 minutes, but he still had a lot to learn about taking his time and making sure you both enjoyed it. With the other girls, it was always about doing it to impress his friends so he never thought much about how it felt, for him or her. You have to teach him that porn isn’t realistic, and that it takes time to feel good. He’s a fast learner though. 

F: Favorite Position

He loves a good 69, lying down or standing ;) bc he’s strong like that. He also likes taking you from behind while he holds you up against him by your neck, and his other hand playing with your nipples or clit. Add a mirror, and you have the hottest sex either of you had ever had. 

G: Goofy

He can be goofy during foreplay or aftercare, but Robby likes to keep it more intimate and serious during actual sex. He wants you to know that he takes you seriously, and thinks that you guys are goofy all the time, so he wants sex to be loving and heartfelt. Drunk sex can be goofy, but most of the time, he keeps it mature. 

H: Hair

He will shave it off every once in a while and let it get stubbly for a couple weeks, then shave again. Robby HATES ingrown hairs, so he doesn’t like to shave every day, but he thinks just trimming makes it look sloppy. He settles for shaving every couple weeks. He literally doesn’t even notice when you don’t shave, so obviously he doesn’t care about that. Like he’s so caught up in the moment that you could put a little blue wig down there and he wouldn’t notice. 

I: Intimacy

So growing up, Robby never really had people that cared a lot about him. Because of this, he lives for intimate moments. Just you guys lying on his bed playing with each other’s hair makes him swoon. He’s a romantic guy, and would definitely go all out with flower petals, candles, champagne, and bubble baths if it were a special occasion. He wants you to know that he loves you, and wants to make sure you know how much he loves you. 10/10 romance. 

J: Jack off 

He did it a lot before he met you, but now he prefers you. He really doesn’t feel the need to jack off because you guys are together so often. If he starts thinking about you in the shower or something, maybe he would, but he’d rather just text you to come over. 

K: Kink

So Robby is a switch. When he’s feeling more dominant, he loves to spank you with his hands, a paddle, or his karate belt. He gets off on the fact that you trust him so much to hold your pleasure and pain in his hands. He would never go too far, but he loves how wet you get after a light spanking. When Robby is more sub, he likes when you boss him around. Telling him how exactly to pleasure you, pulling his face further into your core. Making him get on his knees and watch as you pleasured yourself. He worships you. 

L: Location

At first, a bed. But after you guys have sex on a beach at night one time, he realizes that he wants to try tons of different locations. Just the possibilities of how he can position you, someone catching you, or someone hearing how good he makes you feel, really gets him going. His favorite so far was in an empty stairwell at a fancy resort that Sam invited you both to. 

M: Motivation

So like Hawk and Miguel, Robby is a teenage boy! He’s horny all day, every day. He loves seeing you in workout clothes, seeing other guys hit on you and then shrink away when they realize you’re his, teaching you karate, and watching you put your hair up. It reminds him of… certain things. 

N: No

He would never ever let someone else join you guys. Male, female, or other, he hates the idea of someone putting their hands on you in that way, and knows you would feel the same about him. Robby thinks you guys have such a perfect chemistry going, so why would you want to ruin that with another person? It would just be awkward and clumsy, and Robby does NOT like to share. 

O: Oral

So like I said earlier, he thinks porn is accurate when y’all first start having sex. He would go down on you for like 30 seconds, barely using any pressure or suction, and would then be confused as to why you weren’t finishing. He sat you down one day and talked to you about it, because he was scared you just weren’t attracted to him or something. When you told him that you needed more than what he was doing, he made you teach him right then and there. He spent a good hour and a half going down on you, making you tell him what was good and what wasn’t, learning how to actually give GOOD head, and now he’s pretty much an expert. He takes his time and takes cues from you. You were amazing at head right off the bat, and he’s such a simp for you when you’re between his legs. 

P: Pace

It honestly varies depending on the day and what mood you guys are in. He’s a switch in all respects, so he can be slow and loving, or fast and rough, or a mix of the two. He also loves when you start on top and set the pace, and then he will flip you guys over when you get tired and finish you both off. 

Q: Quickie

He likes a good quickie in those moments when you guys are out and get turned on all of a sudden. Robby likes to take you somewhere a little more private and get you both off, before resuming what you guys were doing and acting like nothing happened. You’ve seen him shake the hand of someone with the same hand that was buried in you 3 minutes before, acting like nothing was out of sorts at all. 

R: Risk

He will try new things if you want to, but is honestly pretty content with how you guys fuck right now. His philosophy is “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” But he’s more than willing to try whatever you want to try. Robby can’t say no to his girl. Sometimes, you guys just sit there and watch porn together, and will see something that looks like fun, so you decide to try it. 

S: Stamina

So I feel redundant for saying this on Miguel and Hawk’s too, but he’s a teenage boy! He can’t go for more than 12 minutes at first. He could go like 5 times in a row, but didn’t last very long. Now, he’s way better. He can last for a solid 30 to 40 minutes if he really wants to, but normally you’re satisfied before that and he can let himself finish. 

T: Toy

Robby loves to try toys on you. When you first told him that you had a vibrator, he immediately asked if he could use it on you. He’s fascinated with how different toys do different things, and he loves studying the difference in your reactions depending on what he’s using. He doesn’t really like toys being used on him though. He thinks it feels weird and he'd rather have your mouth or hand. 

U: Unfair

Robby can be a really bad tease if he’s in the right mood. He would hover his mouth over your pussy, letting you shake and cry before he touches you. He would finger you and bring you right up to the edge, before pulling his hand away and laughing as you almost sob. He likes knowing he has the power to make you writhe like that. 

V: Volume

He’s pretty quiet, to be honest. You had to tell him specifically that you wanted him to be louder in the bedroom. Once you did that, he started to let loose a little bit more, but still isn’t super loud. He would rather listen to you scream his name ;) 

W: Wild Card

He loves shower sex. Too many times have you guys both cum, only for him to carry you into the shower to clean off and eventually start round 2. The water, the soap, the nakedness, he’s a sucker for it. There’s no clean up involved, and he even gets a bathtub mat so you guys don’t slip and hurt yourselves. 

X: X-Ray

I said it before and I’ll say it again! Size! Does! Not! Matter! The g-spot is 3 INCHES IN so if he’s hitting it right it’s fine!!! But Robby is probably a solid 6 inches. 

Y: Yearning

Teenage boy! He could go at the drop of a hat. Robby wants you all the time, he just holds back until you want to as well. Which is also often, I mean look at him!

Z: Zzz

He doesn’t really like to fall asleep right after in case you need something. He makes sure he’s available to get you whatever you need: a snack, water, another blanket, a kiss. Robby also likes to hold you while you sleep, because it makes him feel like he’s doing his duty as your boyfriend and protecting you. 

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Hi could I have Bones from Star Trek with the whole NSFW alphabet please? Thank you!

A/N: Sorry I’m getting to this late.  I got distracted by work.  Fully focused now! PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT ME TO KEEP DOING STUFF LIKE THIS!

A=Aftercare (What they're like after sex)

S o f t

For all his grump Doctor McCoy is a loving man. He’ll hold you close, run his hand through your hair, massage your sore muscles and whisper little nothings in your ear until you fall asleep.

B=Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner)

For himself, McCoy is very proud of his hands. He’s got the steady hand of a surgeon and knows exactly how to use them in you.

He’s an ass man. No, I will not be taking further questions.

C=Cum (Anything to do with cum basically; I’m a disgusting person)

He strikes me as the type that doesn’t want to make a mess and rather cum inside you (in a condom of course, he’s not an idiot). But there is something about a drop leaking down from the corner of you lip that does things.

D=Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory)

He likes it when you call him “Doctor” in bed.  He’s completely ashamed of it, and wouldn’t tell you for anything.  You figured it out of course, but you decide not to tell him to spare his pride.

E=Experience (How experienced are they?)

He’s got the advantage of age on his side (and an ex-wife), but in terms of grand total partners, not that many. He’s a relationship guy and wants to know you’re going to stick around for a while before doing the dirty.

F=Favorite Position

He likes you riding him, either facing him or reverse cowgirl. It gives him a great view either way while giving you control of your own pleasure.

G =Goofy (How are they in the moment?)

He switches back and forth. There are times he’s all business wanting just to get lost in you. But there are times he can’t help but make a joke or a dry comment about his “magic fingers”. It’s one of the few times he completely relaxes.

H=Hair (Are they well groomed, do the curtains match the drapes, etc.)

He keeps everything down there properly clean and groomed while not going out of his way to sculpt.

I=Intimacy (How are they in the moment, romantic aspect)

Like I said before, he can switch back and forth between intense and just having some fun.  But, he’s always focused on you and your pleasure. He wants to make you feel good, the only thing that changes is how.

J=Jack Off (Masturbation Headcanon)

When you’re together, he doesn’t feel the need to jack off.  You’re all that he needs and he’s not a teenager anymore.  But, if you’re away for months on an assignment he might stroke out a session if the days has been particularly frustrating with a glass of bourbon right after.

K=Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Lingerie.

If you walk into the bedroom with a sexy pair of matching bra and panties, he just about loses it.  He’s even made sure you kept them on just so he could admire how it looks on you as he fucks you.

L=Location (Favorite places to do the do)

In his quarters or yours.  Everyone on The Enterprise is too damn nosey for him to risk it anywhere else.  Besides, he wants to be the only one to see you naked and moaning.  Call him selfish, but it’s the truth.

M=Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Call him petty, but he can’t help but get hot and bothered if you really get into Spock or Jim’s face over something.  They both need to get shot down a peg and seeing your eyes blazing gets his own fire going.  Also, really any time you bend over to pick something up.  Those Starfleet uniforms leave nothing to the imagination.

N=No (Turn offs)

Anything to humiliate or hurt you.  He can maybe tie you to the bed if you really wanted to, but that’s about as far as he’ll go.  He never really got the whole spanking thing and he’s not going to degrade you with his words.  You’re too important for that.

O=Oral (Preferences in giving or receiving, skill)

He’s more than willing to give, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t like receiving just a bit more.  Like I said, something about cum on your lip really get him going.

But, in terms of his skill with his own tongue, he ain’t half bad. It’s no real loss though, he’s better with his fingers. ;)

P=Pace (Do they go hard? Do they go slow?)

It alternates, if either of you have had a rough day and just needs to fuck out your frustrations than it’s rough and fast.  Other times, he likes to take his time, rolling his hips and enjoying the moment.  He averages more toward the slow end of things, though.

Q=Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex)

This is on the rare side.  Like I said, he really does not like the idea of getting caught, so popping into his office for a quick one really isn’t an option.  You guys had a close call in the lab once and that was enough to scare him off of waiting until you guys can take your time in your quarters.

R=Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He’s willing to try some stuff; light bondage, different positions, toys etc., but he’s not up for any of the intense stuff.  Like I said, the idea of putting you in pain, even for the sake of pleasure, doesn’t really appeal to him. And, I don’t think he’s up for much pain on his end either.

S=Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last, etc.)

He’s not as young as he once was, so he’s usually good after one round.  But, he’s going to try to make it last as long as possible, hence his more slow and steady approach on average.

T=Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them?)

He has his own fleshlight he’s kept around from his single days, but he doesn’t use it much.  He’s also not opposed to you bringing in your own toy, particularly a vibrator.  There have been a few nights he used it while fucking you that were pretty memorable.

U=Unfair (How much do they like to tease?)

He’s such as asshole when he’s in a good mood.  He’ll use his fingers to keep you on the edge, all while smirking and making some awful joke about being an expert at anatomy.  He’s lucky he’s cute.

V=Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

You know he’s getting close when his grunts and groans get louder and he starts babbling.  His words are always positive; calling you beautiful, praising the feel of your pussy, how good you make him feel, etc.  It never gets much over a low conversation, but it doesn’t need to.  This words are for you only.

W=Wild Card (Random headcanon)

He always has to have his hands on you.  No matter what position you’re in, he has to be grabbing you in some capacity.  It’s the number one reason he can’t be the one tied up.

X=X-Ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Pretty average length wise (6 in when erect), but he’s definitely a little thicker than most.  Nothing to write home about, but it doesn’t have to be.

Y=Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Like I’ve said, not as high as when he was younger.  He can control himself most of the time.  You’re more likely to initiate things than he is. 

Z=ZZZ (How quickly do they fall asleep afterwards?

Not right after.  He wants to make sure you’re comfortable and snuggled close before he allows himself to drift off to sleep.  But, once you assure him that you’re not moving anytime soon, he’s out like a light.

[ve1vetyoongi]

all aboard! (the passion express) | knj

Pairing: namjoon x reader

Genre: smut, office worker!namjoon.

Word count: 10.8k

Summary: There were not many things that got your blood boiling in the same way that two simple words could. Kim Namjoon. The name of your irritating and (unfortunately enough, as the universe would have it) incredibly handsome co-worker. Which is exactly why you never expected to find your self on your knees for him on the train home.

⇢ (or: in which Namjoon thinks you’re hot when you’re mad.)

Warnings: extremely public sex, dom namjoon, exhibitionism, oral (m recieving), thigh riding, kinda daddy kink, fingering, dirty talk, unprotected sex (stay safe kids), rough sex. also, namjoon in a shirt and tie (yum).

A/N: so. this happened. PURE FILTH. remind me not to scroll through “office worker namjoon” mood boards at 1am. p.s. train toilets r always gross so don’t do this (i warned u).

Playlist: visit my playlist page here and select “all aboard”.

⇢ Masterlist: x (links will be added once tumbr stops being a douche :/)

There were not many things that got your blood boiling in the same way that two simple words could.

Kim Namjoon.

The name of your irritating and (unfortunately enough, as the universe would have it) incredibly handsome co-worker.

For the most part your job was perfect; a career in book publishing had always been your dream and spending hours with your nose deep in the pages of new manuscripts and having afternoon tea with authors on weekdays (fit with triangular sandwiches and miniature sponge cakes - paid for with the company card, of course) all in the name of “working” was exactly how you envisioned it - if not more.

That was until Namjoon joined the company six months ago. The day he turned up in the elevator in his stupid suit jacket, despite the dress code being business casual, was the beginning of a journey filled with bitterness, anger and a dread for working hours. And apparently the beginning of an undeniable, all consuming school girl crush which just made you hate him more.

You would be lying if you said you took notice of him immediately. I mean sure, you noticed the hoard of girls who traipsed behind his polished dress shoes, using excuses like coffee refills and desperate quests for paper clips to unashamedly flirt with him.

But you supposed you didn’t truly notice Namjoon until he made it utterly impossible for you to ignore him.

It all started when you began to notice your pens disappearing from the pot on your desk. First it was your red marker and then it was your pink highlighter and you were sure you were just misplacing things or suffering from short term memory loss until you noticed the pile up of stationary on Namjoon’s desk that you distinctlyremembered buying last week.

You decided to be civil, putting any earlier first impressions behind you to confront him politely, only to be met with a grumble about how they just “turned up there.”

Not even an apology, you mused, sending a seething glare his way while you rearranged your pens neatly where they belonged. What an asshole.

After that, every little thing he did seemed to grind your gears. The way he whistled along to the monotonous pop music that crackled out of the office radio, the off-pitch tune droning on and on until you excused yourself with a tight lipped smile before you lobbed a hole puncher at his head.Or the way he would empty the coffee pot without refilling it for the next person and how he always forgot to reset the timer on the microwave.

And then came the management meeting from Hell where what was supposed to be your turn to pitch a new project turned into Namjoon meeting each of your ideas with a bored eye roll and a condescending head shake. He even had the audacity to offer to go over the project out of hours, to “help you.” As if he suddenly had a life time of experience in publishing and you were nothing but an intern.

His pitch, however, went down a treat (much to your dismay).

From then on you found yourself bickering over the pettiest of disputes at every opportunity you could find - desperate to get under his skin, a thirst for satisfaction only quenched by well and truly pissing him off.

That’s when your vendetta against him began. You managed to convince yourself it wasn’t the way he looked through you at the office or the way he smirked at you knowingly when the shorts he wore in the summer made your mouth water or the way he was completely, utterly, positively uninterested in you in any way other than as the co worker he liked to taunt for fun.

And he made sure you knew it, too.

Like when he deliberately left the office blinds open knowing full well that you had a front row view as he so graciously walked Seo Yuna to her car in the lot after work hours - even glinting through the sun and giving a snide wave as though he knew you were watching him from your desk.

Was he trying to rub it in? Was he aware that everyone in the goddamn nine storey office block wished he would look their way? Nothing would surprise you. Just add narcissistic to the list of bad qualities he possessed.

If that was his intention you were ashamed to admit it worked; the pang of jealousy in your chest when he rested his elbows on the car to duck into Yuna’s open window taking you by surprise. And the red hot burn as your fingers pressed angry half moons into your palms to control the swoon that threatened to surface when his deep chuckles fluttered through the open window was enough to confirm one thing:

Yeah, you definitely had a crush on this guy.

And once again, you hated him - for having the ability to turn you into a puddle of lust and for making you want to giggle like a teenager and sit on the thighs that looked so good in those goddamn pants and for setting your pulse at a pace that was most definitely unhealthy and probably categorized you as critically at risk of a heart attack - just by looking at him.

Namjoon was either utterly oblivious or completely uncaring since he seemed intent on pushing you to your limits - and finally, in a climax of events, today was the day when he reached his clumsy-kinda-obnoxious-yet-annoyingly-attractive-while-doing-so peak and any grip you had on your dignity disappeared, setting the angry beast that had remained caged inside you free in the middle of the office.

When you returned from your lunch break your eyes narrowed in on the desk drawer left slightly ajar immediately - your desk was usually meticulously organised - you watched a documentary about decluttered spaces improving productivity (much to the amusement of Namjoon who brushed his own messy habits off as being a sign of “creativity”), so you knew it wasn’t your doing - raising the question of who exactly had the audacity to destroy the harmony of your work space.

The answer was obvious. Nobody else in the office was blatantly bold enough to steal from someone else’s drawer. Except one person in particular, perhaps…

Yes.Your suspicions were confirmed when you peered over your cubicle to glare at Namjoon’s. He was wearing a black shirt today and it stretched deliciously over his broad shoulders, tie resting loosely around the vein in his neck that rose to prominence when he clenched his teeth in concentration, pencil scribbling furiously in the margins of the thick manuscript resting on his crossed knee.

And right next to him, a hot pink stapler balanced haphazardly on a stack of disorganized papers. A hot pink stapler that was absolutely tucked neatly in your drawer before you left for lunch.

Namjoon remained engrossed in his work, unaware of the way your face had begun to heat up with rage. Or maybe the pinkish tinge was a result of the way he pushed his thick framed designer glasses up the bridge of his nose with his forefinger. God he always looked so good in those glasses. Every time he swapped out his contacts you wanted to walk right over there and -

“No,”  You told yourself sternly, biting your lip as you desperately tried to ignore the way your legs had turned to jelly in your shoes. “He’s the worst! You hate him!”

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him…

The same mantra swirled in your head as you took a breath of courage and stalked in the direction of the stapler that rightfully belonged to you. It was about time you stopped taking Namjoon’s shit. It was about time you finally gave him a piece of your mind.

I hate him, I hate him, I…

You reached his desk all too quickly, placing your hands on your hips and staring down at him in a way that you hoped conveyed your vexation. He remained oblivious to your presence for a moment. That was, until, the sound of your exasperated sigh drew his attention, forehead creasing in confusion while he stared straight back at you with lips parted quizzically. Had you caught the Kim Namjoon off guard?

(God, if there was one thing you didn’t hate it was his face.)

You were the one to break the silence. “I told you not to steal my stuff, didn’t I?” His expression remained blank until you pointed a finger at the alarmingly bright office appliance. “I want my stapler back.”

Namjoon’s features shifted into an amused smirk, snickering when you began tapping the toe of your shoe with growing impatience. “I didn’t steal it.” He countered. “I borrowed it.”

“Namjoon, you and I both know you never asked permission,” you huffed, arms crossing your chest. “I think you just wanted to piss me off.”

Namjoon visibly scoffed. “Me? Piss you off?” His eye roll set your pulse racing with rage, only heightened by the sarcasm that laced his tone. “It’s not my fault you’re little Miss Uptight is it?” He shook his head, diverting his attention back to the stack of paper in front of him and just like that he dismissed you with a wave of his hand and a click of his tongue. “Just take it and go, I’m busy.”

“Don’t you dare ignore me, Kim Namjoon,” you spat, curled fist slamming down on top of his booth hard enough to make him jump in his seat, satisfaction spreading through your chest at the sight alone. “I’m not upright! You’re just an asshole who decided to make my job a misery! And for what? Because I’m not at your beck and call like Yuna?”

Oops. Maybe that was a bit too far…

“Yuna?!” Namjoon spluttered between surprised gasps of laughter. “What does she have to do with the fact that you’re a priss who never learned to share?”

You tried to ignore the embarrassing heat that had risen in your face, diverting your eyes from his. “If I’m such a priss why don’t you share her stuff instead?”

He raised his eyebrows at your pout. “Why? Are you jealous?”

“No! Of course not, I’m just…” You trailed off. He leaned back into his seat, the same stupid smug smirk turning up the corners of his mouth. As much as you tried to ignore it, it made your stomach flip. Namjoon looked satisfied, as if your stunned silence and attempt to stutter an excuse was exactly what he wanted.

By this point the entire office was staring at the both of you, including Yuna who looked almost as embarrassed as you did as she pretended to be unaware of the entire situation by rummaging through the contents of her bag for the lip balm she “lost” this morning and conveniently “could not seem to find.”

“Look, Namjoon, just give it back okay?” You nodded towards the stapler, impatient to just be behind your desk booth away from the prying eyes of your coworkers and more importantly away from Namjoon’s accusing gaze.

He ran a hand through his side part, gelled strands effortlessly messy. “Fine.” He grabbed the stapler and held it out to you with an innocent smile. You narrowed your eyes and he simply nodded in encouragement. “Here, take it.”

“See was that so hard-” Before your fingers could take the appliance from his grasp, he ripped it away again. With a dark chuckle he kicked his feet up onto the desk, revealing his annoyingly cute doughnut socks that nearly broke your resolve if it weren’t for the vengeful way he stared at you atop the rim of his glasses.

“Say please, Y/N.”

The glint in his eye tipped you over the edge, the elastic of your patience finally snapping when you launched at him without a second thought about repercussions. “Say please?!” All that mattered right now was making Kim Namjoon pay for being the most inconvenient, bothersome and punchable man on the planet.

Before you could think, both your hands were on the stapler and pulling with all the force you could muster. Namjoon seemed shocked at your brave act of force before he responded with a tug of equal strength, determined not to let go. “If you had said please in the first place we wouldn’t be in this situation!”

“So you’re uptight and ill mannered?” He got out between gritted teeth.

“I’m…not…uptight!”

You had begun a tug of war, both unconscious of the fact that twenty pairs of eyes were watching the childish events unfold curiously. Namjoon was red in the face as he tried to rip the stapler from your grasp and you had to lift a shoe onto the seat of his chair to keep your balance.

The move gave you a power advantage and with one last pull, the stapler was yours. Triumph plastered your face in the form of a self-satisfied smile - though not for long. Namjoon was breathing heavily through his nose, knuckles white with irritation. Before he could think better of it, he was sliding the wheels of his chair back, sending you flying into his desk and to both of your dismay, the mug of steaming coffee that sat on top of it.

“Watch out!” Too late.

The crash that followed was loud enough to elicit shocked gasps from those around you. The hushed whispers that filled the room before fell to an eerie silence as you tried to pull yourself to your feet with no luck, collapsing in a pile of splintered wood and printer paper.

“Uhh, Y/N? You’ve got a little coffee on your blouse.”

And that’s how you found yourself on the subway platform, waiting for a train to take you in the opposite direction of home but rather towards the nearest launderette.

You pulled the black blazer you donned tighter around your chest, not because of the evening chill which had set into the air by now but rather to hide the unmistakable brown coffee stain which seeped across the fabric of your blouse.

The launderette was closing in just under an hour and your train was nearly five minutes late already and you couldn’t help but grit your teeth in irritation when you recounted the days events over and over in your head.

This was all his fault. If Namjoon wasn’t such a shameless douche you would be home by now, heels off, feet kicked up while a re-run of The Vampire Diaries soothed the tension ache in your temples.

But no. You were waiting for a train to take you half way across town so you could wash this freaking blouse in time for the weekly company meeting tomorrow. It was an important one - you were going to finally present the pitch you had been working on for nearly four months - so everything had to be perfect.

This job meant everything to you, not that Namjoon would understand that - and you were determined not to let him ruin this for you.

“Damn Kim Namjoon.” you scowled at the ground, kicking an empty can across the scuffed platform floor.

“Either you know another Kim Namjoon or I arrived just in time?”

A familiar voice sounded behind you. Your mouth dropped slightly, icy shock snatching the colour from your face as you registered who it belonged to.

Sure enough, spinning on your heels revealed the one and only Kim Namjoon who you had grown to know and hate. Still in the black shirt which was now rolled up his forearms and loosened at the collar, he stood with his back against a pillar, smiling down at you bemusedly with his hands slung into his pockets like this was the most normal occurrence in the world.

“Fancy seeing you here.”

“What?” You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief. “Are you haunting me now?”

He actually laughed at that. “Actually, this is my train home. Don’t usually see you here at this time so it seems like you are following me.”

“Following you?!” You couldn’t help the way your voice hitched incredulously, drawing the attention of passerby’s who side stepped around you nervously. “If it wasn’t for your little show today then I’d be on a train travelling as far away from you as possible right now.”

“Why aren’t you?”

“I have to go clean this.” You ripped open the front of your blazer revealing the coffee soaked garment covering your chest.

Namjoon bit his cheek to hold back a chuckle. He knew it would just set you off even more. You were a few feet smaller than him and the way you stared up at him with fiery eyes, not quite intimidating despite your best efforts, almost had him clutching his sides.

“As far away from me as possible huh…”

“What?”

“That’s what you want?”

You turned up your nose, confused. “That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

“It’s funny, really.” He let out an amused snort, not at you directly but rather to himself. The act annoyed you even more.

“What is?”

“Just that you never seem to be far away from me at all.” Namjoon rolled his eyes. “Oh Namjoon stop stealing my shit, oh Namjoon stop using all the printer ink-”

“I’m done with you now.” You turned your back to him, drowning out the tinny voice he used to mock you. He had a fair point…but only because his naturally irritating demeanour drew you into his fuck ups like a magnet.

“Because you think it’s always my fault right? God forbid you are the problem!”

You blinked. You?

“Like when, asshole?” You scoffed. “Name one time I gave you a reason to hate me?”

Namjoon reached into his backpack, pulling out a stack of papers that limply fluttered as a train breezily left the station. The edges were crumpled and the middle stained brown, ink nearly illegible. “You can clean your blouse but how about my manuscript?”

You thought back to earlier that day. It must be the one he was working on before the…accident. And to his credit, it looked like it was in pretty bad shape.

“If you weren’t so hard to ignore then maybe neither of us would be in this mess!”

You could feel the tension rising between you by the minute. If he wasn’t careful you would be responsible for another scuffle and this time you weren’t sure you could resist breaking his nose and a trip to the ER was not what you needed right now.

Namjoon’s face had darkened considerably too. You couldn’t help but find the way he tightened his jaw kind of hot. Stop, Y/N.

“Then let’s make this easier for the both of us.”

“Huh?”

He gestured between you. “When the train comes I will pretend you’re just a pretty girl on her way home and you can pretend I’m just another annoyingly tall guy and we’ll forget this day ever happened.”

“What’s the point of that? We still work together every day?”

He let out a sigh, exasperated by your persistence “Because then we can see who the real problem is? Who starts the next fight?”

"Fine!” The word came out a little more childishly than you had intended. What was his point here? To reinforce the fact that he hated your guts and couldn’t even stand to make small talk on the train for thirty minutes? “And then you’ll see that the whole problem is you.”

Wait….did he call you pretty?

Whatever. You could do this right? He was just trying to get into your head, trying to make you think that you were the issue here.

TRAIN NOW ENTERING PLATFORM. PLEASE MIND THE GAP.

The transport announcement alerted you of the trains arrival a few seconds before the clunky metal could be heard rattling into the station.

You averted his gaze, an uncomfortable atmosphere settling.

“Well, all aboard.” He said, arm outstretched, head nodding towards the open train door as if to say after you.

So now he has manners?

You gave a tight lipped smile in thanks, stepping onto the train. The carriage was completely full, no spare seats in sight, so you settled for holding on to the bar above your head, strategically making sure your back was to Namjoon. You were determined to show him that you couldn’t care less about his existence.

Staying true to his word, Namjoon joined a huddle of people at the opposite end of the carriage, staring sweetly into the distance as if he was utterly unaware of your identity.

You let out a sigh of relief. Maybe this was a good thing.

You attempted to busy yourself by staring out of the window; the trees and the sky whizzed into a turquoise blur like watercolour on canvas. Try as you might, your mind couldn’t help but wander back to the figure you wanted to desperately ignore when you noticed Namjoon’s reflection in the glass.

It was silly but you realised you had never looked at him properly before. In your head he was just a target of your rage, a face featuring often in your imagination’s gruesome revenge master plans. But, now felt like the first time you were really seeing him; the way he bobbed his head to the music that blasted a little too loudly through his headphones and how his dimple showed when he smiled politely at other passengers and how his arms cradled the sodden manuscript like it was fine china. Maybe you were too focused on yourself to see just how important this job was to Namjoon, too.

And although you had noticed his face before - it was hard not to - it was always during rushed glances over the top of your office booth, eyes quickly diverting and cheeks reddening when you were sure he caught you looking or when he would break yet another mug in the office kitchen and you would help him clean up the ceramic, ignoring the way his own cheeks turned pinkish.

But this time, through the safety of the glass which acted as a welcome barrier, you could study him more closely. The cute flush of his nose and the way his eyes were a little puffy from staying up too late reading. Maybe there was more to this guy than just an irritating coworker after all.

The train came to a halt and an entourage of fresh passengers pressed into the already tight carriage. A chorus of sorry’s buzzed in the air as more and more people elbowed their way into the confined space, pushing you down the train and squeezing the air out of your lungs until you were pressed into a corner, back uncomfortably flush to the torso of a taller body.

The familiar cologne told you all you needed to know and you shut your eyes tightly, sucking on your teeth as you cursed the universe for shredding whatever dignity you had managed to retain.

A glance over your shoulder revealed a preoccupied Namjoon, desperately apologising to someone behind him whose coffee he managed to spill with his inconveniently pointy elbow.

“I’m so sorry man! Oops..sorry again I…”

“So much for ignoring each other,” you snorted, denying the fact that it was you who bumped into him. You wouldn’t give in so easily.

He looked genuinely apologetic, swinging his arms wildly but only managing to make the situation worse by very nearly smacking an older lady square in the head. His height had its downsides, clearly.

“Sorry…” he began, ready to launch into another apologetic spiel. “Oh.” Except, he deadpanned when he finally looked down and saw none other than yourself staring straight back up at him.

His eyes narrowed smugly. “Well, well, well.”

You simply laughed, nodding towards the evidence of his clumsiness. “Are you on a secret coffee spilling mission today?”

You expected him to throw something back at you, to start another endless fight about who was at fault. Except Namjoon wasn’t listening. His eyes widened comically when he noticed how your lower back pressed into his torso, glancing left then right and sighing nervously when he realised there was no space to squeeze into. He was trapped between you and the wall with no where to go.

“I-it was an accident…” Namjoon seemed sheepish, scratching at the back of his neck anxiously. Why was he so flustered all of a sudden? You’d never seen him like this, so unlike the cocky bastard you’d come to know as Kim Namjoon.

Unless…bingo! You had won. He was the problem and this was proof enough of his clumsy, idiotic ways!

“You should learn to be more careful-”

You were cut short when the train suddenly jerked wildly, sending you flying forwards. Great, you thought, Y/N 0, Balance 2. Your feet fumbled beneath your own weight, eyes screwed shut, bracing for impact against the cold, metal floor of the train.

Before gravity could take hold of you, a large hand wrapped around your waist, pulling you upright. The gesture allowed you to find your balance again, a sigh of relief tumbling from your chest as you gained your bearings.

“Woah there,” Namjoon’s lips were against your ear now, breath hot against your cheek. “What were you saying about being careful?”

“O-oh…” You willed yourself to open your eyes, to ignore the chills that crept up your spine when his nose brushed your hair just barely. You tried to pry yourself out of his hold. “It was an accident, I-”

“Look who came crawling right back. Knew it wouldn’t take long.” There was the cocky bastard again. The underlying implications of his words made you shiver, as if he wanted you to come back. Wanted to punish you for being wrong.

His body was warm - no it was hot, his palm burning the exposed skin of your waist where your blouse had ridden up in the scuffle. You could feel his heart pulse against your back and it took all your self control to stop your body from melting into his sturdy form, from delighting in his embrace. If he were to just move his hands down, down, down…

No! You were not about to imagine the guy you hated with a passion grabbing your ass on the goddamn train.

The train heaved again, Namjoon’s grip tightening even further and you silently thanked him for it as you felt your entire body turn to putty in his grasp. Your hand had found its way to his thigh, squeezing embarrassingly hard and sending your head spinning when you felt the firm muscles that tensed beneath your touch.

If you didn’t know any better you would say you were having the same effect on Namjoon. His lips had fallen dangerously close to your neck, almost as if he was debating pressing them to the flushed skin.

Don’t be ridiculous, you chastised yourself, you just need to get laid, clearly. He’s enjoying this because you’re letting him win.

No matter how much your pride meant to you, his effect was becoming too much.

Enough was enough. You needed to get out of his arms, out of this train and most of all you needed to get him out of your head. You wriggled a little, desperate to free yourself before you literally jumped his bones. Of course you had thought about this before, thought about how it would feel to be pressed up against Namjoon. Except usually there were less clothes separating you and you were at least on a bed…

STOP! YOU HATE HIM, YOU HATE HIM, YOU-

No matter how hard you squirmed, Namjoon’s arms only tightened, holding you to him as the train rattled down the tracks. Your ass was trapped against his thigh and you tried to ignore the pulse in your heat that had begun to alert you of just how good it would feel between your legs.

Just then you felt Namjoon stiffen as your ass glided over his crotch - and if you weren’t so focused on the way his breath ghosted across your neck when you did, you may have missed the way it hitched slightly, almost as if he was swallowing a groan.

“Y/N,” he whispered harshly, as if to issue a warning. “Stop that.”

“Stop what?” You spoke a little to loudly, nearly averting the attention of fellow passengers when you tried to claw at the vice like grip that squeezed your middle tightly. “Let me go!”

“Hush.”

“No!” You moved your ass again and this time he let out a noise; a groan of either pain or annoyance, you couldn’t tell.

“Seriously! Hush.”

Suddenly, his fingers gripped your hips so roughly you were sure they would bruise. You enjoyed it a little too much, the action making you light headed. It felt far too intimate to be friendly, only confirmed when you felt it. Something firm against the small of your back.

Was he…hard?

“What the fuck Namjoon?” You whispered hurriedly, glancing around to see if anyone else was aware of the erection that was now all you could focus on, blatantly obvious as it pulsed against the top of your ass.

The train came to a sudden halt, doors swinging open to allow a hoard of people to scramble off. Cool air hit your hot face. Maybe you’d be able to breathe again if you weren’t left breathless by the way Namjoon’s heart beat rapidly against your shoulder blades, all too aware of the raging arousal that felt so hard you imagined it would be painful.

Before you could push away and scream at him about how inappropriate this situation was - even though, to your dismay, your thoughts were clouded with visions far from appropriate - Namjoon was spinning your body around, pinning you against the wall with an audible thud, slotting his body between your trembling legs.

Suddenly, all thoughts of proving him wrong once and for all were forgotten.

You hissed. “Seriously what the fuck Namjoon-”

“What you should be saying,” He muttered, pausing to let his tongue snake out to wet his parted lips. “Is thank you Namjoon.”

“What for?” You gasped, trying and failing once again to wriggle out of his grasp.

His eyes were darker than you’d ever seen them, glazed over with what you recognised as want. “Thank you for saving my ass when I nearly fell in front of the entire subway.” You swallowed thickly, desperately trying to close your legs to relieve the hot, wet ache that was beginning to throb between them but to no avail, Namjoon keeping them open with a large palm around your inner thigh. “And thank you for not fucking said ass right here against the train door.”

Your head fell back with a slight gasp, choking on a moan that was utterly inappropriate for such a public setting. The train began to move again and you glanced up and down the carriage warily, surprised to see only two young men remained; one engrossed in a comic, the other resting his eyes and thankfully both too occupied to notice the way Namjoon stared at you with a look of arousal so intimidating you had to break away from his stare.

“N-Namjoon we s-shouldn’t…”

“Shouldn’t what baby?” Maybe it was the sudden use of a pet name or the gentle but firm way his thumb stroked your thigh, so close to the lace of your panties you were sure the slight touch alone nearly made you lose it. “Shouldn’t make you wet on the train?”

“Y-yeah…”

“Well I guess you should have thought of that before you got me hard, huh?” You let out a shaky breath, blouse falling down your shoulder slightly but before you could adjust it, Namjoon took the opportunity to place an open mouthed kiss to your collarbone and then to the side of your neck and then to the lobe of your ear. The way his teeth grazed your skin made you shiver, skin burning hot with want against the icy cold metal of the train. “Should’ve thought of that before you got me all worked up at the office today.”

“T-today?”

“Yeah, today.” He shook his head disapprovingly, tilting your chin with his forefinger as his eyes traveled down to your lips. “And every single other fucking day.”

Is that the reason why he was always so pissed?

“When you walk in in that goddamn white blouse and call me out. In front of everyone?” Perhaps you weren’t so subtle after all… “I swear you do it on purpose. I swear you want to make me mad.”

“N-no, I…” Your voice trailed off.

“Is that why you make such a fuss baby?” He continued to interrogate. “This is why you’re a problem,” He hissed under his breath, pressing your palm around his twitching bulge. “Because you are always giving me problems.”

Your eyes widened, arousal guiding your body to palm him through his trousers against the will of resistance from your head.

“Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to fuck you in front of the entire office? How many times I’ve wanted to put you in your fucking place? God you get me so angry sometimes,” He ran an exasperated hand through his hair. Your breathing was ragged now, almost as broken as his. “How many times I’ve jerked off in the bathroom thinking about how hot you look when you’re mad?”

You’d be lying if Namjoon wasn’t the focus of your own fantasies after a couple of glasses of wine and a “pamper night”.

His lips curved up into a smirk as the words made sense in your head, stifling a dark chuckle when your eyes widened in realisation. "So that’s why you’re always riling me up?” You managed to breathe.

“I literally almost blew my load when you stormed out today.” He closed his eyes, swallowing hard. His lips were inches from yours and it was taking everything in you to resist leaning in and connecting them, focusing on the throb in your heat instead as a distraction. “You seriously don’t know anything, do you?”

The train came to a sudden stop, doors ripping open almost as fast as Namjoon jumped away from your body. His absence left a cold void where he had hovered over you and you shakily stood upright, glancing at the floor to avoid any funny looks from the passengers leaving the train. You watched as four pairs of shoes scuffled off, heart beating a little faster now you were completely alone.

A few moments passed in silence and you didn’t dare look at Namjoon. You were still trying to wrap your head around his admission. Namjoon’s asshole behaviour was a ploy to make you mad? On purpose? Because he wanted you?

The doors slammed shut, train moving again with a clunk and before you could register what was happening, Namjoon was on you again, dragging you towards the row of seats that were now completely empty. You had the entire carriage to yourselves and Namjoon was clearly intent on taking advantage of the fact.

You were straddling him in seconds, his hands sliding down to cup your ass as he held your heat directly above his throbbing bulge. You gasped at the contact, feeling the way your panties clung to your sticky heat while you desperately tried to grind down onto his lap, eager for any form of relief.

Namjoon tutted at this, prompting you to raise your gaze from between your legs to take in the lazy smile that rested upon his face. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this? To see you all needy above me?”

He was right, you were so needy it felt like you might combust if you didn’t get some friction on your throbbing clit right now, uncaring that you were in public. His throat sounded hoarse, evidence of his own struggle to resist you (if the tent in his pants wasn’t already evidence enough) and the broken sound of his voice alone was enough to have you clenching around nothing.

It was rare that someone managed to get you this riled up this quickly. It was as if the tension that had been building between you finally reached its breaking point and the only logical response was to fuck it out. Hard. Still, if someone had told you an hour ago that you would be close to begging Namjoon of all people to touch you, you would have called them crazy.

Your forehead came down to rest against his shoulder in defeat. His grip was too strong, stopping you from getting what you wanted, and you let out a cry of frustration. “Please…”

“Please what, baby? Use your words.”

“Please…” Your voice was muffled by his black shirt which you tugged at eagerly. “Please fuck me.”

For the first time, Namjoon’s resolve broke and he let out a guttural moan at your words. He didn’t have time to respond before the train jerked again, sending you flying into his chest and to your delight, straight onto his crotch. “Ugh, fuck.” The whine that left your lips made Namjoon’s cock throb painfully against the front of his trousers, his own moan muffled by your hair.

Before you could twist your hips and gain any friction, Namjoon was hoisting you up again, higher this time so he could see the fucked out look on your face. He brushed a few stray hairs behind your ears, watching smugly as you ground against the air with another high pitched whine.

“Look at you. So fucked out and I’ve hardly even touched you.” His hands crept to the hem of your skirt, tugging the garment up so that it sat around your waist, exposing the curve of your ass and the black lacey underwear which nearly made him buck up into your heat. “Want my cock so bad baby?” His hand came down against your ass with an audible slap you were sure would leave a print and you had to bite your hand hard to stop from crying out too loudly. “Mmm, fuck, I wanted to make you wait,” he hummed. “Like I waited to be inside you but…if you want it how about you show daddy how much?”

He nodded for you to get on your knees. You mewled with delight, nearly drooling at the thought of his hot cock sliding in and out of your mouth. The thought of finally pleasuring him.

Your fingers eagerly began to fiddle with the fly of his trousers before one of his big palms stopped your ministrations all together. You looked up at him, confused and frustrated. “Not yet baby. Gotta open wide for daddy first.”

He pressed two fingers to your swollen lips and you sucked them into your hot mouth eagerly, wrapping your tongue around the digits and coating them in a layer of saliva like they were the sweetest popsicle you’d ever tasted. His fingers were salty with sweat but you didn’t care, taking them as far as you could while batting your eyelids at him in a silent beg for something else in your throat.

Namjoon melted into the headrest, completely fucked out as he watched you take his fingers through lidded eyes. He could hardly bare the way his digits disappeared in and out of your mouth, already aching to feel the sensation on his needy cock.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he choked, leaving a loud slap to your ass that flushed at the contact. “I nearly came in my pants.”

You pulled his hand away at the wrist leaving a trail of saliva down your chin. “You could come down my throat if you let me open your p-pants.”

Namjoon squeezed his eyes shut, pulling both your wrists behind your back roughly as the other pushed you down onto your knees until you were eye level with the bulge in his pants. “Don’t say shit you don’t mean,” he nearly stammered. “You’ll regret it.”

“I mean it.” You made quick work of his zipper, palming his hardness through the fabric of his boxers. “Please l-let me suck your cock.” You almost cringed at the words that came out of your mouth, washed in pure disbelief that you were actually on your knees in front of THE Kim Namjoon.

“Then suck.” Disbelief didn’t last for long since his command emptied your mind, losing the ability to think about anything else other than wrapping your lips around him immediately.

Namjoon placed both hands behind his head, resting against the train which vibrated beneath your knees, sending shocks of pleasure through your core when it made light contact.

Without further ado you reached into the open fabric of his pants, hand finally wrapping around something rock hard and blazing hot against your clammy palm, eliciting a hiss from Namjoon at he skin on skin contact. “Finally.” He groaned.

You were unaware of the whimper which left your own lips when Namjoon’s cock finally came into view, heavy against his stomach and raging with desperation to be touched. He was decently long but it was the thickness that made your eyes pop, mouth opening in anticipation and crotch grinding against the ground as you imagined how good it would feel when it finally stretched you out.

Without warning you were running your tongue along the underside of his shaft, enjoying the shaky breath Namjoon let slip when your hand fondled his balls firmly. You gave a few kitten licks to his swollen head, relishing the salty taste of precum that spread across your taste buds.

Your lips wrapped around the tip, sucking gently before sinking further down his length, letting the spit that had begun to fill your mouth cover his cock nicely so he slipped between your lips messily. Namjoon nearly went crazy when you hollowed your cheeks, hands tangling in your hair and making you groan out, desperate for him to take control. To use you.

“Mmmf, fuck yes,” he stammered, barely controlling his hips from bucking into your throat. “Just like that, there’s a good girl.” He pushed your head firmly down his shaft before tugging you off again, the head of his dick barely brushing against your reddened lips. You moaned in approval as he fucked your face, dizzy with the feeling of the ridges of his length on your tongue and his hands in your hair.

Just as you were taking him back into your mouth, the train rocked violently and you found yourself taking more of his cock than you anticipated, the head hitting your throat and making you gag obscenely around his length. Namjoon flew forward, unable to hold back the deep moan that rumbled from his chest when he felt your nose against his public bone. “Fuck baby girl, do that again.”

You obliged, taking him all the way until you gagged.

“So hot, fuck.”

You didn’t know if he was referring to your mouth or the way you dribbled down your own chin, tears pricking your eyes and leaking onto your flushed cheeks as you tried to breathe through your nose when he held you for a few seconds too long at the base of his dick. You pulled off with a pop, gasping for air.

“Sorry,” he panted apologetically. “Got a bit carried away.”

“It’s okay.” You gasped between breaths, wiping your chin with the back of one hand and pumping his slick length with the other, palm sliding lewdly against the sensitive head where your mouth had been. And you meant it - it was okay. You wanted this. Maybe you had just been denying it all along.

“Shit!” Before you could wrap your lips around him again, Namjoon was slapping your hand away, shoving himself back into his pants and pulling you up by your elbow.

“What?” You asked, surprised at his rejection of your mouth. “What is it?”

“Train’s stopping,” He hissed back. “People getting on.”

Sure enough, the doors swung open, allowing a hoard of people to board the train. You pulled your skirt around your ass hurriedly, hoping the disheveled state of your hair and swollen lips wouldn’t give away your arousal to the prying eyes of other passengers.

You kept your eyes on your shoes, waiting for the crowd to seat themselves around yourself and Namjoon before you dared meet his eyes again. He smirked, tugging his tie to hang loose around his neck and the action alone had you rubbing your legs together for relief, glancing around nervously to see if anybody caught your blatant show of arousal.

The train started up again and you reached for the bar above you hurriedly, not wanting to draw any more attention to yourself by losing your footing for a fourth time that day.

Fortunately, Namjoon came to your rescue again, pulling you into his lap with a plop. Your heat grazed his thigh, sopping folds only separated by the thin layer of your sticky panties and you were sure you would draw blood which how hard you bit back the loud moan that almost left your lips.

“Can’t stay on your feet today, huh?” He clicked his tongue, breath hot against your ear as he wrapped his arms around your waist. Your chest swelled when he rested his chin on your shoulder. The embrace felt nice.

“Guess I prefer being on my knees when you’re around.” Namjoon’s breath hitched, jaw tightening against your neck.

“Is that so?” Before you could respond he was slotting his leg between your thighs, tensing the muscles to create some friction against your pulsing clit. The action offered welcome relief, your folds begging to be touched in any way after what felt like hours of denial. “Move.”

You didn’t need to be told twice, grinding slowly onto the thighs you had dreamed about ever since Namjoon walked into the office months ago.

You moved your hips in slow circles, the coarse fabric of Namjoon’s trousers rubbing your heat in just the right way that had you breathing deeply as you tried to stop yourself from losing control and sitting on his cock then and there in front of everyone.

The fact that you were surrounded by people was exhilarating, the idea that someone could look over any second and see you creating a wet patch on Namjoon’s lap making you dizzy with lust.

Namjoon’s fingers grazed your arms gently, working you through the pleasure as he tensed his thigh again and again, pressure on your clit causing broken moans to catch in your throat. At this point you were completely gone, everything around you unimportant as you focused on chasing the feeling building in your lower stomach.

Suddenly, Namjoon grabbed your hips, stilling your ministrations despite the hushed whine of protest you directed at him as discreetly as you could. “Please.” You whispered, tears threatening to prick your eyes as you felt the feeling of your high getting further and further away with every second your core throbbed still against his legs. You were so desperate you would have done anything to reach it, tired and frustrated of being denied any pleasure.

“Hush baby girl,” Namjoon’s thumbs gently caressed your waist. “Take this off, such a good girl for me hmm?” He began tugging at the blazer that covered your shoulders, dragging it down your arms and throwing it over your lap instead.

Embarrassment flushed your cheeks when you looked down at the the coffee stain on your blouse, visible to everyone and anyone now Namjoon removed the thing covering it. “N-namjoon my blouse-”

“Shhh,” he hushed, tucking your hair behind your ear so you could hear his gravelly whispers clearly. “Let me make you feel good.”

“W-what…oh!” Your eyes bulged with surprise when you felt Namjoon’s fingers slip beneath the blazer that hid his wandering hands from prying eyes, toying with the top of your panties teasingly. “Namjoon! W-we can’t-”

His index finger slipped beneath the fabric, finding your clit immediately and rubbing hard, fast circles into the swollen nub. “So wet baby, so good.”

Arousal dripped from his voice and you let your head fall back onto his shoulder, eyes squeezed shut as his fingers worked you up into a squirming mess on top of him. If anyone sees they’ll just think you’re resting your eyes, you managed to convince yourself, all rational thoughts lost to the feeling of Namjoon sliding up and down your folds.

You let out a breathy oh when you felt his finger circle your entrance. “Joon,” you warned. If he filled you with even one finger you were sure you would cum on the spot in front of the whole train.

He smiled against your neck, at your neediness or the nickname you couldn’t tell before he was pushing two fingers into your heat to the knuckle. You were wet enough for them to slide straight in, cold metal of the pretty rings he always donned rubbing your walls deliciously and making you grind down onto his hand. His thumb found your clit and you dug your nails into his thighs, panting obviously now as you tried to hold on to what was left of your sanity.

“I-I can’t,” you gasped, noticing the sideways glances you were getting from the couple sat opposite you. They must have known what was going on. They must have known Namjoon was knuckle deep into your wetness as you clenched around him desperate for release, coil tightening more and more in your belly.

You were so wet that every thrust of his hand made a lewd squelch, an instant give away of Namjoon’s affect on you and you prayed the loud screech of the train’s wheels against the track was enough to hide it from the other passengers.

Namjoon was going faster now, leaving small kisses against the nape of your neck as he tried to hold it together. Until, finally, he couldn’t anymore. “I can’t n-need more.” You felt something in him snap at your keening, his hand leaving you clenching around nothing all of a sudden as he tugged your skirt back around your thighs.

“Wha-” You didn’t have time to finish before Namjoon was jerking you to your feet, shoving the forgotten manuscript from earlier into your hands as he pushed you towards the train bathroom. He kept his crotch pressed tightly against your ass, probably to hide his raging arousal from the people around you although his less than subtle way of maneuvering you both into the same bathroom stall gave it away instantly.

The door slammed behind you a little too loudly, making you wince. “Fuck Namjoon, now everyone knows.” You whined, allowing him to push you until the backs of your legs gave in, your ass falling aginst the sink. The bathroom was cramped, barely enough room for the two of you, so Namjoon went about making the best of the space by hovering over you with the same feverish want he had earlier except this time he couldn’t control the way his hands trembled as he eagerly ripped your coffee stained blouse open.

He let out a gasp when he finally got his hands under neath your bralette, thumbs sliding across your agonisingly hard buds in circles until you were squirming to feel his hands everywhere, anywhere. “God, you’re fucking beautiful.” You couldn’t help the heat that rushed to your face, something funny flipping in your stomach that was more than just arousal. Before you could worry if his heavy palms felt the way your heart beat a little faster at his words, his lips were skimming tantalisingly across the top of your breasts, finally unhooking your bra. Your head fell back in a choked gasp when his teeth grazed your nipples momentarily before he was swirling his tongue across them, soothing the sting that felt deliciously cold despite the hot and musky bathroom air.

You felt his lips begin the journey down, not quite reaching your belly button with his surprisingly gentle ministrations before your hands were tangling in the collar of his shirt and pulling him up to meet your eyes again. Your nipples rubbed against the coarse fabric and you fiddled with the buttons, desperate to feel his sweaty skin against yours. Your hot breath mingled. “Namjoon,” You managed to pant. “Let me see you too.”

His touch still lingered on your chest when he brushed your roaming hands away to replace them with his own, buttons quickly flying open allowing more skin to come into view beneath the dim lights. You couldn’t help but let your hands snake across his toned chest, sighing in delight when he lets you shake the shirt from where it still sat around his shoulders. You were pleasantly surprised to find his tummy soft, a perfect contrast to his muscular upper body.

He raised your gaze with a finger beneath your chin, pausing for a moment to run a questioning glance from your lips to your eyes and back to your lips. “Can I?”

You almost choked on your own spit, practically salivating to feel his lips against your own. “Kiss me?” You murmured. “Please.”

Namjoon took no time to oblige, finally crashing your lips together in a tangle of teeth and tongue. A wave of relief emptied your mind of anything other than the feeling of Namjoon’s body finally melting against your own and you realise you’ve been waiting for this - no needed this -  for longer than you originally thought. Namjoon smiled into the kiss and you felt your heart swell a little, his nose brushing your own gently in contrast to the way his hands greedily grabbed your ass. His lips were slightly chapped as they roughly caressed your own and you sighed contentedly into the kiss, tangling one hand in his hair, the other slipping down to the buckle of his belt.

His tongue finally gained permission, slipping into your mouth as you made work with the button of his trousers. You could barely focus, Namjoon’s lips all you could feel. Trousers now at his ankles, you fumbled to slip your hand beneath the waistband of his grey boxer briefs, eyes widening at the groan which rumbled from Namjoon’s chest into your mouth when your small hand finally wrapped around his pulsing length skin-on-skin.

You almost whimper at how hot and heavy he is in your palm, even harder than before if that was possible, the wetness smeared around his head evidence of just how worked up he was. His mouth stilled against yours, eyes squeezed shut as he tried to resist bucking into your hand. The knowledge that it was you that made him this hard, you that had him breathless against your lips sent another rush to your own heat.

Then he’s kissing you again, softly this time as his hand comes to rest on top of your own. “Wait, wait.” He murmurs between crashes of your lips. “I want to feel you before I come.”

You reluctantly retract your hand, agreeing that you wanted- needed - to feel him and quickly because quite honestly you were close already. Just his lips were enough, just wondering how they would feel around your clit and how good his tongue would be as it licked a stripe up your pulsing folds was almost enough to throw you into sensory overload.

“Can I take these off?” His thumbs hooked beneath the band of your panties. He looked at you with a genuine concern and you thought it was sweet. Namjoon was in control but he asked with a sincerity that said your comfort was important to him and it made something feel right about this, something safe. You gave his nose a kiss in affirmation, nodding gently. “You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

Namjoon placed small, affectionate pecks to the corners of your mouth as he rolled the garment down your legs, letting you kick them all the way off as he rubbed gentle circles into your thighs. His eyes were still black with lust but they seemed gentle as he sucked in a breath, taking you in fully for the first time. It was almost easy to forget that this was the same guy who made you suck his cock on a public train fifteen minutes ago.

He connected your lips again in a soft, slow kiss, hand cupping your face as his thumb ran across your bottom lip. “You know, I envisioned it to be more romantic than…this.” He gestured to the dingy bathroom you’d almost forgotten existed, too busy getting lost in Namjoon. “Sorry…” He bit his lip, eyes averting your own bashfully.

Your heart swelled with more than just arousal.

“Namjoon?” He looked up at you again through his lashes. “There will be plenty of time for that. For romance.” A small smile crept onto your face.

“Yeah?” Namjoon’s grin gave away his elation at your statement.

“Yeah,” Your voice was but a breath. “For now though I just need you inside me.”

Namjoon’s arms scooped you up, slamming you against the wall for the second time that day and knocking away your breath as he wrapped your leg around his waist. “That I can do.” He hummed against your neck mischievously.

By now your heat was dripping, wetness making its way down your inner thighs as you braced yourself for the fullness of Namjoon’s cock. He felt girthy in your hand and your hole clenched at the thought of it stretching you open.

The small room was stuffy, barely enough shared air to breathe but that made it all the more intimate. Hands woven into his hair, you felt the way his chest rose and fell against your own as he took his length into his hand, guiding the blunt head to your entrance. He seemed pained as he squeezed the base of his cock, hesitating. “Are you…?”

“We’re good. On the pill.” You got out between laboured breaths of anticipation. “Wait!” You pushed his chest, his face coming into view, laced with worry as he searched your face for any sign of indecision. “What about Yuna?”

His eyes practically bulged before he let out a small chuckle at your concern. “Yuna?”

“Yeah…won’t she be mad?”

“Why would she be?”

“Aren’t you two like…you know?”

Namjoon spluttered. “No! Don’t you think her girlfriendwould be kinda mad if we were?”

Oh. Oh.

“I-”

“Y/N, she was just a way to you know…make you jealous. Truthfully, I was pissed, you wouldn’t even look my way and -”

You cut him off with a peck to his lips. “Okay. It’s okay.”

“It is?”

“Yeah. Now for god’s sake, just fuck me please.”

“With pleasure.”

The head of his cock was back again and you circled your hips, desperate to feel more of it inside of you. Namjoon pressed in slowly, his head falling into the crook of your neck as he finally bottomed out, low moans escaping his lips at the feeling of your tight, velvety walls finally rubbing deliciously against his shaft.

The head of his cock instantly brushed against your sweet spot, sending shivers of pleasure through your heat as you scratched his back wildly. “Please…please ugh! Move!”

Namjoon wasted no time, dragging out nearly all the way before slamming back in to the hilt with a lewd slap. Your folds were so wet each thrust made an embarrassingly loud squelch you were sure could be heard from outside but the way his cock was thick enough to stretch you out just the way you liked it and long enough to hit deeper than his fingers had earlier rendered you uncaring and speechless.

The pleasure was almost unbearable and you could feel your muscles clenching around him, drawing out a strangled moan against your neck. The action was enough to make him lose all control as he lifted your leg, pressing you into the wall with all his weight and slamming into you at a new angle that gave him access to your clit every time he bottomed out, making you scream with pleasure into the palm of his hand.

“Shit, Y/N,” He hissed, watching through lidded eyes as you lost it beneath him. “You’re going to make me cum if you keep making noises like that. Fuck!” Namjoon was getting sloppy now, barely able to keep his pace as he desperately tried to cling on to the edge while each of your whines made his cock feel like it may explode any second.

“Mmm, cum for me,” you moan, completely lost to the feeling of his hot cock sliding lewdly in and out of you. “Wanna feel you fill me up.”

“Holy fuck,” he stuttered, nearly falling out of you as the pleasure overwhelmed him. “You have no idea how long I’ve dreamed of this, being inside you, god.”

So he gets loose lipped when he’s close, huh? Cute.

“Want you to cum with me, fuck.”

His dirty admissions were enough to send you flying over the edge with a cry, his fingers coming between your legs to rub agonising circles into your clit as you rode out your high. Your vision went black, legs trembling and if it weren’t for Namjoon’s strong grip on your thighs you were sure you would nothing but a puddle by now.

“Fuck you got so tight, that’s it. Come for me baby.” A few sloppy strokes later and he was coating your walls with a low groan, connecting your lips in a breathless kiss as you whimper at the feeling of being filled and the overstimulation.

Namjoon presses his sweat slicked forehead against your own as you let your breath mingle, coming down from your highs. As your vision slowly returned, the train jerked, nearly sending you both flying if Namjoon wasn’t there to save you once again.

“Woah there.” He said quietly with a smile. He connected your lips for the nth time and you decided that although it was new you actually - no definitely - liked it. “Be careful.”

You were about to say something playful back before a transport announcement crackled over head.

TRAIN TERMINATING AT NEXT STOP.

You broke away from the kiss with a groan. “Shit shit shit! I’ve missed my stop!”

Breaking away from his grasp you hurriedly try to button up your coffee stained blouse, glancing around to locate your underwear which was out of sight.

“Looking for these?” A piece of fabric hit your chest. Your panties.

His calm demeanour was enough to replace the post orgasmic glow with a familiar feeling of rage towards him.

“Yes I was looking for those - and this is all your fault! If you didn’t take them off in the first place I wouldn’t be in this mess and this stupid fucking blouse would be clean and-”

Namjoon cut you off by pulling you against his chest, peppering your face in playful kisses as you tried to squirm out of his grasp. You gave up eventually, enjoying the warmth of his bare chest and nearly giggling with surprise when he placed a peck to both your cheeks.

“You…are…so…fucking…cute…when…you’re…mad.” Each word was punctuated with a kiss and you hit him away playfully.

His sudden change in behaviour took you by surprise. You had never seen this side of him before. A side that wasn’t a complete and utter dick (or in more recent discoveries, a possessive, rough love maker).

“I recall you saying I was hot when I was mad.”

“Yeah, but you’re also really fucking cute.” You wrapped your arms around his waist, looking up at him with a pout. “See cute.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, earning a chuckle as he began to buckle his own trousers. “You know, the next stop is mine so you could always just come back to my place?”

“Huh?”

A blush crept onto his face as he rushed to explain himself. “No, not like that…unless you wanted to- no! What I meant was, you could come to my place and I could wash your blouse for you.”

You finished tidying up your skirt, watching with amusement as he scratched the back of his neck nervously. “I don’t have enough spare cash for a taxi.”

“I’ll drive you home!” He said quickly. “You know, if you want me to…”

“Okay.” You said with a small smile. “Besides, I think I kind of owe you.” You nod towards the pityful remains of Namjoon’s manuscript which lay sodden in the sink, discarded at some point during your excitement earlier.

“Then this makes us even.”

“Deal.”

“Now, let’s hope the train is empty and if it’s not, get ready to run!”

[dontdowhatisayandnobodygetshurt]

How are Jesse and vrox? I miss them

:’) They’re doing great Nonnie!! Just for you, here’s the SFW alphabets I wrote for them (belong the cut because they’re a tad long):

VROX:

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Vrox is very physically affectionate. Cuddling, putting his head on his partner’s shoulder, holding their hand, kissing them no matter where they are, wrapping his arms around their waist, playing with their hair, getting them in a headlock, he’s very touchy.

B = Best friend (Who is their best friend? How did the friendship start?)

Vrox doesn’t have any best friends, he has a lot of friends but the way he feels for them is kind of equal all-round. If he had to choose, he’d say Jesse is still his best friend.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Vrox is big on cuddling. If he and a partner or even a friend are sitting or lying down together, he will cuddle them. One of his favourite positions is lying with his head or his feet in his partner’s lap.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Vrox considers himself settled down. His and Jesse’s apartment is his home base that he ranges from, at the end of the day he can always come back and be disgustingly domestic and cute. He thinks cleaning is boring but he genuinely enjoys doing the dishes, because he can blast whatever music he wants and sing to it loudly and nobody is allowed to complain because he’s cleaning up. He’s not bad at all at cooking, he’s just lazy and prefers eating cereal.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’s not great or very considerate at it. He’d probably just very clearly drift away and ghost them, until they confront him or he finally bites the bullet and breaks up with them. He’s very blunt, even if he tries to say it kindly (or not, depending on why he’s breaking up with someone) and his break-ups usually lead to fights and yelling.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Vrox is a very loyal person, but he thinks legal binding is stupid, a waste of time, and shallow compared to how he feels for his partners. He really, really doesn’t see the point, but he would go through with it if his partner wanted to, and yes he would end up crying.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He’s never really gentle gentle. He’s either rough or he’s playful or he’s intense. Varying degrees of asshole, from endearing to picking a fight. But that just means that when he is gentle, it means something much more.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He likes hugs, but he prefers giving them. His favourite hug is coming up behind someone, wrapping his arms around their waist and resting his head on the top of theirs or on their shoulder, depending on how tall they are.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Often. Vrox isn’t one to curb his emotions, if he’s feeling a lot of affection, he’ll say it. In a new relationship he says it pretty quickly and casually. Vrox feels anger very intensely, but he feels love just as fiercely.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He’s the most jealous in his trio, but he’s still not that bad. He tends to act it up sometimes to be dramatic. It’s not very deep, just little flashes of “I want them, not you” but nothing bad, and he gets over it quickly.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He’s very passionate, he goes for it without any insecurities. Sometimes he can go a bit too hard a bit too fast, but it’s not too bad.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Vrox is great with little kids, he’s the guy who waves or makes funny faces at babies in stores until they laugh. He doesn’t desperately want kids of his own, though, and teenagers tend to rub him the wrong way – he likes to be the most sullen, angry thing in the area at all times.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Vrox really doesn’t mind early mornings, but that will not stop him from complaining loudly through yawns. He likes having a long lie-in, conversation and cuddle before he gets up. Most of the time he showers early.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Normally there’s some kind of music and bad dancing, maybe chill binging of a show or movie, making dinner in the messiest way possible. Also, sex of some kind, he has a high libido and he just likes being close to those he loves. If not, definitely cuddling or sweet touching.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Vrox really can’t hide his emotions or secrets if he tries. Pretty much what you see is what you get. He will open up willingly more and more as the relationship goes on, though, about his frustrations with himself and how he wishes he didn’t have this emotion management issue.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

I know this may come as a shock, but Vrox is the least patient person on earth. Unless someone really can’t help it, then he’s a bit more considerate… but not by much.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about their partners? Do they remember every little detail they mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He tries, but sometimes info just doesn’t stick in his brain. He will occasionally forget anniversaries, but for some reason he’s better at remembering tiny insignificant details.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in their relationship?)

With Jesse, it was when he first met him, and when they had their first kiss. Nothing had ever calmed him down so quickly in his hound form and he never would have thought he would be worthy of someone like Jesse. He cried after their first kiss and just held him through the rest of the night, treasuring every second. He never stopped.

With Dante, it was when Vrox comforted him after a PTSD episode. Despite his sulking and annoyance at Dante for being so tough on him, he knows Dante only does it to keep him – and those around him – safe and that he just wants to help him. Being able to be there for him in a moment of rare vulnerability really impacted Vrox. It was also a good reminder to him that he wasn’t the only one struggling.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect their partners? How would they like to be protected?)

Vrox is protective… of everyone. If a stranger is harassing another stranger in the subway he will shove between them, if somebody is being really rude to a retail worker he will call them a dickwad. Even if it makes the situation worse, he just can’t let it go. He likes taking the spotlight off the person being attacked: he’d rather the situation escalate at him, rather than them. God help if somebody he actually cares about is being harassed. As for being protected, it makes him feel special, safe and loved.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He usually forgets anniversaries until the last minute when he runs and buys a gift. If you want to see Vrox panic, just ask him “do you remember what today is?” and he’ll shit himself. With dates he’s more casual but he always makes sure his partners have a good time. He likes giving gifts and seeing people’s faces light up, so his loved ones expect a few gifts every few months. If he sees something that even vaguely reminds him of them, he’ll buy it in an instant. 

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Let’s be honest, Vrox can be difficult to love. He has mood swings, days where he’s inexplicably furious, he can be lazy and too blunt. However, he is aware of all of these things and actively working every day to get better. His bad habits include: forgetting to vacuum until the dust bunnies start unionizing, being a few minutes late to everything, and liking mainstream pop music.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s a pretty vain bastard. He knows full well that he’s hot despite all his scars (and, frequently, bruises) and he capitalizes on it. The reason he’s late to most appointments is he’s trying to get his hair to sit exactly right (fighting a losing battle, his hair obeys no man, woman or person.)

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without their partners?)

Yes. He’d still have his friends and family that is the pack, but without Jesse and Dante he might have become a nightmare.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He wears his partners’ clothes when he’s feeling very unstable, to try and hold onto the thought of what matters most to him.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Jesse using up all the hot water with his longass showers annoys him. Dante being such a bossy, demanding asshole annoys him even more. In general he hates people who pity him or act like he’s delicate or like he’s going to blow up at them if they don���t step carefully around him.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

He usually sleeps on his stomach with his pillow in a death grip, or spooning.

JESSE:

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Jesse’s very affectionate with both words and physical touch, but the peak of his affection lies in very companionable, warm silence. He wants his loved ones to know how much he loves them all the time, with many small touches, gestures and words. He’s very encouraging and he likes holding hands – he’s gotten more comfortable doing it in public, too.

B = Best friend (Who is their best friend? How did the friendship start?)

Practically the whole pack is his best friend, everybody adores him, and he has a lot of human friends, too. He gets along great with a hound named Taylor, another named Lisa, Heath, Noah, and he’s friends with June, too. But he still considers Vrox his best friend, because that’s what they were before they started dating and that’s what they still are.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He loves cuddling, he’ll almost never protest it, but he does need his space sometimes, especially if he’s trying to concentrate on something: for example, he really doesn’t like being touched or held while he’s trying to sleep, it distracts him too much.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He feels very happily settled down. The only nagging detail in his 1910’s brain is that he’s not married yet. He’s a very good cook, since his mum and dad taught him well, and he’s very diligent with cleaning. His spaces are messy, but they’re never dirty.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d think about it very long and hard, and then have a heartfelt conversation with his partner and pray that it ends cordially because he never wants to hurt somebody he loves or has loved.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

He is a very devoted person and was raised with a much stricter commitment policy by his parents and society at the time. When he loves somebody and he can’t imagine life without them, he’ll start to think about marriage – even just for the thought. Tying the knot is the dream.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Jesse is a very sweet person. He’s very considerate and he never wants to hurt anyone – but he’s not above playfully teasing, punching people’s arms or ruffling their hair.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He enjoys hugs a lot, he just needs to be alerted to when somebody’s going to hug him. (If Vrox is going to hug him from behind, he’s gotten in the habit of tapping Jesse lightly on the shoulder before he grabs him.) Despite the fact that he’s pretty lanky, he gives beautiful hugs, you can just tell how much he cares about you through the hug.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Jesse was reserved with those three little words for a long time, but through his years with friends and partners he’s relaxed with it a lot more. He still never wants it to lose its meaning, though, it’s never just a throwaway thing to him.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He felt a lot more insecure at the beginning of his relationship with Vrox, and because of that they opened their relationship very slowly. Now he’s very comfortable in himself and knows he’s irreplaceable, jealousy is mostly a bad memory.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He’s a very safe kisser, he knows what he’s doing and follows his partner to match their mood. He often cups his partner’s face or plays with their hair or strokes patterns on their skin while he kisses them, it’s very cute – also when he’s really having a good time he won’t be able to stop smiling which interferes with the kiss in a very cute way.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He feels very awkward around babies and very young kids because he never knows how to deal with them, but he’s very good with teenagers.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Jesse likes sleep-ins, but he also doesn’t mind getting up early – despite falling asleep late the night before. He takes most of the early shifts for his work, so he eats breakfast, has a shower, then he kisses his boyfriends goodbye and off he goes.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Jesse is a massive night owl and he’ll often stay awake till 2AM or later. He has a lot more energy at night so expect him dancing feverishly in his socks to music in his headphones while he does chores he neglected during the day.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Jesse doesn’t hide the things that happened to him, but he also never tells anyone unless they ask. He’s pretty open about his emotions, though, he knows that keeping secrets in any relationship is bound to end badly so he never lets things sit and rot, he’ll always communicate his feelings.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Jesse is a painfully patient person. He won’t lose his cool with anyone – except bigots. Unreasonable people who are just filled with hate and don’t want to learn anything or respect other people just existing? He will need to be held back.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about their partners? Do they remember every little detail they mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He remembers most things, big and little, but if he’s stressed or busy things will slip a bit.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in their relationship?)

With Vrox, it was the first night he did karaoke with him. The pack’s a bunch of idiots so they hold karaoke nights in the communal area. Jesse was still very much in his shell, but Vrox got him up on stage. Vrox was in a super good mood that night too: he didn’t try to pressure Jesse, he just told him it’d be fun with a big genuine smile and Jesse trusted him. They sang together and hammed it up in the most dramatic way possible, and Jesse was shocked by how much fun he had. It was the moment he realized he didn’t have to have his guard up around everyone, and that he genuinely liked Vrox – despite having some reservations about this abrasive white boy beforehand.

With Dante, it was when Jesse was feeling very, very low again – the lowest he’d felt since he killed himself. Dante noticed and reminded him that he was here for him, and Jesse finally took a big step and opened up. Dante dropped everything to listen and comfort him about it. It was the first time somebody had really been there for him since his parents died. He trusted somebody for the first time in a long time.

(Note: Dante dropped everything for him because he still felt guilty about not being able to be there for him when he first arrived in Hell. It had been a busy, bloody night with a lot of new arrivals, and unfortunately Jesse slipped through the cracks and had to deal with his shock, confusion and despair alone. Dante will never forgive himself for letting that happen to him, even though it wasn’t his fault.)

The first time he kissed them both were also very, very big moments for him. He holds them close to his heart.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect their partners? How would they like to be protected?)

Jesse is very protective. He doesn’t really care what people say or do to him, he’s very used to it, but if somebody goes after anyone else, he’ll be furious. Even though both his boyfriends are bigger and scarier than him and they can take care of themselves, he’ll still try and put himself between them and the aggressor – whether to defend them or try and deescalate the situation. He picks a surprising amount of fights for such a sweet guy.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

What makes a date enjoyable to Jesse isn’t the location, it’s just spending time with his partner. His dates are chill, intimate and fun. He doesn’t often get gifts for his partners, but when he does, he makes sure they’re really special. Anniversaries are important to him – but again, he doesn’t like to make a massive deal of it, he just wants to enjoy his partners’ company.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

See, letter S. He tends to get into heated arguments and not caring when the situation escalates to dangerous levels, even if he could be hurt. He uses up all the hot water in his showers, but that’s more because he has to take proper care of his hair. He can put others’ problems and emotions above his own. There are random bits of dried paint around the apartment because he zones out while he paints, gets up to get something, and forgets that he has wet paint on his hands. (Yes he has gotten paint in Vrox’s hair before and yes Vrox screamed like he was shot, to which Jesse reached out without even looking and put a big blue handprint across Vrox’s face.)

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He keeps himself looking presentable because hygiene and ‘good impressions, not just the first one’ were always drilled into him by his parents. He used to have a lot of dysphoria surrounding his appearance but since he transitioned he’s learning to be confidant and that he looks handsome and hot as fuck, as Vrox and Dante keep reminding him. He also knows that if he flashes his dimple at someone, he’ll always get what he wants because it’s just that cute. He does kind of hate his borderline baby-face though – it makes ordering drinks and getting into clubs hell.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without their partners?)

He wouldn’t be incomplete, but he definitely feels more with his partners. He’d still have a ton of friends and lovers and fuck buddies without them, but he wouldn’t feel this specific love that makes him feel more than anything else.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

His favourite food is Skittles. Vrox doesn’t understand how he can like them better than M&Ms. This petty argument has been going on for years now.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He hates that Vrox has to be caged so often, but that’s more because it makes him sad than anything else. Dante not taking care of himself and then ending up in a PTSD stress mess because he doesn’t chill and look after his own mental health frustrates him, mostly because Jesse has to pick up his pieces and help him be put back together again.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He normally sleeps on his side with his arms wrapped around himself, kind of curled up. He has nightmares often.

[v-irgogh]

Answer all of them 😇 1 to 85

 e__________________e

thank u for aiding me in my procrastination endeavors

1. Are looks ever important in a relationship?

To an extent, yeah.

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

what a dumb question . duh . 

3. Are you a virgin?

sure would be awkward if i said yes, wouldn’t it? ;))

4. Are you in a relationship?

yeeeee

5. Are you in love?

Very much so

6. Are you single this year?

No !! I still can’t quite believe it

7. Can you commit to one person?

yeh

8.Describe your crush.

A ginger nerd :////////

9. Describe your perfect mate.

10. Done

11. Do you ever want to get married?

Yes pls

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

To an extent ??

13. Do you get jealous easily?

not to psychotic levels (i hope) but occasionally yeah

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

yeah sorry u had to find out like this ://

15. Do you have any piercings?

just my earlobes :((

16. Do you have any tattoos?

no :((((((((

17. Done

I’d never noticed it jumps from 17 right to 20 but yeah that’s done

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

Well fuck I hope so

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

When are you not tbh xoxo

23. Do you think you can last 6 months in a relationship and not cheat?

Obviously

24. Do you think you’ll be married in five years?

I doubt it

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

yes pls don’t leave me

26. Has anyone ever told you they don’t want to lose you?

ye :^)

27. Has anyone ever written a song or poem for you?

Ye

28. Done

29. Done

30. Done

31. Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?

Yeah lmao

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

I mean .. I’ve had unreciprocated crushes but it was hardly that dramatic

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Yes

34. Done

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yeah

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Haha hello xo (but yeah I’ve made a terrible habit out of that over the years lmao ,,, glad this time it worked out)

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yeah lol that was a bad time

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Probably

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

I guess??

40. Done

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

Yeee

42. How long can you kiss before your hands start to wander?

Probably not very long lmao

43. Done

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

2 boyfriends

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/13?

None lmao

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

Zero . unbelievable . 

47. How old are you?

20

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I’m not sure tbh…. like I want you to be happy so if you decided you wanted to be with someone else I could be like “okay cool i wish you all the best then sorry i wasted your time” . or I could get super petty and indirect you on social media for the rest of ur life . either way I’d be pretty devastated ngl

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favourite thing about him/her?

It’s really hard to choose a favourite thing about a person when you love everything about them. Maybe your voice. It’s really comforting.

50. Done

51. Is there a boy/girl you would do anything for?

Within reason I mean ://

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

I’ve given up on most of humanity lmao we’re one fucked up species

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I don’t wanna say yes but . they make it hard to think otherwise sometimes lmao

54. Is there someone you’ll never forget?

I tend not to forget people in general but yeah there’s definitely some specific people

55. Done

56. Done

57. Things you want to say to an ex?

Thanks for being cool sometimes

Thinking about the fact that we dated makes me feel a bit weird now

See u never xo

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

1. Literally just be nice to me

2. Don’t judge me for my love of pineapple on pizza xo

3. ?????

59. What do you look like? (post a picture)

i could post a more flattering photo ,,, but that’s not what i truly look like ,,,, i can’t keep lying to u all,, my ugly snaps are far more true-to-life xo

60. Done

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Their eyebrows tbqh

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Never abandon me xo

63. What is your definition of having sex?

Being physically intimate with someone in some way ? With sexual intentions ?

64. Done

65. Done

66. What is your favourite roleplay routine?

I don’t have one but I know how important this information is to all the strangers who follow me so I’ll keep u guys updated xo

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Hmm. We leave our respective homes together and never return.

For real tho, I like adventurous dates where we go exploring ! Like the times we’ve gone to pet farms and befriended every animal we come across or gone for long walks in forests or explored castles ! Those ones have always been super fun and I have really fond memories of them :’)

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Bisexual

69. What turns you off?

old men who think it’s funny to catcall or make advances towards much younger women who literally could not be less interested or afraid like honestly go die xo

70. Done

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

i’ve never had a wet dream

72. What words do you like hearing during sex?

i rly like hearing my name and also anything mildly validating . if i hear the words “good girl” i will Melt

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

love me, feed me, nvr leave me xoxo

74. Done

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

I genuinely haven’t a clue Dónal outdoes himself all the time like ?? Chasing buses? Making me go to his place once bc he claimed to have a “surprise” for me, telling me that said surprise was a mug of tea anD THEN telling me he’d bought us both tickets to Ed Sheeran ? Telling me he was bringing his ukulele to my house when he came up for my birthday so I wouldn’t suspect he’d bought e a ukulele of my own ?? Letting me basically live with him for weeks at a time occasionally and taking care of me and making sure I’ve eaten every day? The time I was sick and he made me tea and toast and tucked me into bed and I cried because he was so nice to me ?? All the times he’s comforted me when things are really bad and I don’t rly feel like being alive ?? Not getting sick of me ????? The possibilities are ENDLESS

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I’m not sure tbh I’m a worthless trash person I doubt I’ve ever done anything particularly special for anyone

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

Past a certain point it’s okay. But it’s really dodgy where teenagers are concerned.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I was once too depressed to wash my hair for two weeks :///

79. When was the last time you felt jealous?

I’ve already answered this but just for the sake of actually being petty like the question intended

This morning I woke up to a message from my lovely boyfriend with a screenshot of a picture a girl he used to go to school with put on tumblr

And this picture contained said girl, his ex girlfriend, and two other girls he’s made out with at some point or another

And they’re all rly pretty well his ex is a generally awful person and physically not my type at all but the other three made me :(((( bc P R E T T Y and i’m an E G G

80. Done

81. Done

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My baby brother probably

83. Who was your first kiss with?

My ex

84. Done

85. Would you ever date someone off the internet?

Probably not ! Wouldn’t be able to put that much trust in it I don’t think . Would absolutely become friends with someone and meet them and hang out with them a few times and then maybe if there was a connection I’d date them since we technically knew each other irl . But I’d never like . talk to someone exclusively online and declare it a relationship without having met them

[mermaidsirennikita]

May 2017 Book Roundup

This month was so-so; some releases were good, some weren’t.  But Renee Ahdieh dropped a new book and that’s always a good thing!  I do feel like I read a few books that I normally wouldn’t have (The Love Interest, because I never read male protagonist books) for better or for worse.  Right now I’m working on Angie Thomas’s “The Hate U Give”, so that’ll get reviewed at the end of the month!

China Rich Girlfriend by Kevin Kwan.  4/5.  This sequel to “Crazy Rich Asians” is set two years after the events of the first book, kicking off with the preparations for Rachel’s wedding to Nick.  Of course, her future mother-in-law isn’t to be kept out of the process despite Nick cutting her out of his life, and swoops in at the last minute with the identity of Rachel’s long-lost father.  Meanwhile, Nick’s cousin Astrid is struggling with her marriage still (and her friendship with ex-fiance Charlie), actress-turned-billionaire’s-wife Kitty Pong is trying to fit in to Hong Kong society, and... lots of other drama.  “China Rich Girlfriend” is similarly fun and super gossipy, in the same way that “Crazy Rich Asians” was.  I enjoyed the antics of Kitty, and loved seeing Rachel get to know her family, especially her brother.  Plus, it was refreshingly clear once again that Nick Young, while deserving a firstname lastname introduction, is not a Christian Grey type--he’s a sweet, realistically goofy guy who happens to be hot and rich.  I wish he and Rachel were a *bit* more interesting, but they’re very likable.  What took this book back a bit is that while I appreciate Kwan not wanting to duplicate his first book is the lack of Singapore high society adventures.  I miss Nick’s crazy family, especially his mother Eleanor, whose appearances in this novel were woefully short.  Eleanor is the BOMB DOT COM.  The mainland stuff just wasn’t as fun.  With that being said, I was super invested in Astrid’s storyline, which aside from whatever Eleanor is doing is my favorite part of these books.  So frustrating.  So romantic.  While I didn’t love this quite as much as “Crazy Rich Asians”, I’m still left waiting excitedly for the next book.

The Hundredth Queen by Emily R. King. 3/5.  This fantasy novel takes place in a world in which the rajahs are each allowed a maximum of one hundredth ranis (queens), which they pick from these convent-like places in which young girls are reared to be both wives and warriors.  Kalinda, or Kali, is chosen as Rajah Tarek’s hundredth and final queen, which means that she’s obligated to fight his courtesans, many of which hope to kill her in a chance to take her place as the last queen.  Complicating an already difficult situation are the motives of Kali’s future husband and her desire for a captain in his service.  Among other things, of course.  This book had an interesting premise, but a lot of things became a lot more predictable than they should have been.  I liked moments of women supporting each other, but they were dragged down by stereotypes--like the older queen envying the younger one and being basically all-around kind of evil.  The villains in general were fairly flat, and Kali’s relationship with Deven, the captain in question, just kind of happened out of nowhere.  It’s unfortunate because I don’t mind a forbidden romance cliche if it’s done well, in fact I tend to love it--but Deven and Kali seemed really fucking stupid the entire time. With that being said, it was an entertaining read when I didn’t think about things, and the concept was interesting.  That being said, I feel like the fact that the author used Hindi words versus making up shit for her fantasy world was distracted as fuck--this book isn’t set in India, but it still refers to saris and ranis and much more.  Why?

Into the Water by Paula Hawkins.  2/5.  Single mom Nel shows up dead in the nearby river, living behind her teenage daughter and a sister she hadn’t spoken to for years.  Nel had been obsessed with the pool in which her body was found--a pool with a history of suicides, including that of Katie, her daughter’s best friend. At first, Nel’s death is brushed off as a suicide--but as time passes, it becomes clear that she knew much more than it initially seemed.  Ugh, I wanted to like this so badly because I did enjoy “The Girl on the Train”.  But... what?  I didn’t so much mind that the mystery here was much more obvious than that of TGOTT--or that the themes were just... less about human flaws and reliability, and more about very obvious domestic drama.  There was a bit of a twist at the end, but not much.  All of this I would have cared about more had there been fewer POVs.  Who is the lead?  Nel’s sister, Jules, who has a dark past we keep flashing back to?  Her daughter, the troubled Lena?  But there are a lot of other characters we keep flashing to, and I didn’t care about half of them, and... There was very little suspense.  Not entertaining.

The Love Interest by Cale Dietrich.  3/5.  Caden--a name given to him only recently--has been raised to be a Love Interest.  His task?  To seduce his Chosen and--for the rest of their lives, ideally--manipulate her and sell her secrets to his “owners”.  The problem: a Chosen always has two people competing for his or her affections, a Good and a Bad.  Caden is a Good--the boy next door--and Dylan is a Bad--the quintessential damaged bad boy.  The two are sent to pair with Juliet, a super smart girl whose potential means she’s up for manipulation.  Whoever she doesn’t choose will be killed; and the issue is that Caden is beginning to fall for Dylan, rather than Juliet.  Look, gay prettyboy spies is on paper a great idea.  And there are some charming things about this book.  The conceit of the good boy being pitted against the bad is interesting, and I liked the struggle the boys had.  But it was all a bit young and underdeveloped for me.  Someone will love this book, I just didn’t.

Ramona Blue by Julie Murphy.  4/5.  Teenage Ramona has been living with her father and her sister in a FEMA trailer since Hurricane Katrina.  Now her sister is pregnant, and she feels obligated to stay after high school to help with the baby--even (or especially) after their flaky mom returns.  To add to all the complications, she’s in an on/off sort of thing with a girl who’s closeted, while Ramona, who has always identified as a lesbian, is not.  THEN, her childhood friend Freddie returns to town.  Freddie is a boy; Ramona has never liked boys.  But she might like Freddie.  This book got some shitty ratings by people on Goodreads without it being read; I won’t lie, years ago I once gave a book a one star rating on there because the author was (and still is) a shitty person.  But now I wouldn’t--I just wouldn’t read the book.  I feel like it’s super dicey to review something you haven’t read/seen, and the reason why people have been low-rating this book is because they think that Freddie is turning Ramona “straight”.  No.  The entire relationship is about how complex sexuality is; not all people identify as straight their whole lives until they meet someone of the same sex that they like.  Some people really do identify as gay for a long time and then meet someone of the opposite sex; it happened to a close friend of mine.  My close friend identifies not as straight now, but bi.  There aren’t really labels put on Ramona’s sexuality as she figures it out because she is really JUST figuring it out.  She might not ever like any guy besides Freddie.  She certainly doesn’t stop liking girls.  I feel like Murphy handled the issue really well, and at any rate Freddie and Ramona’s relationship isn’t the point of the story.  The point is the poverty Ramona lives within, and her struggle between her loyalties to her family and her desire to be somewhere else and do something more.  It’s a really lovely story, and I recommend it.

Flame in the Mist by Renee Ahdieh.   5/5.  This Mulan retelling (a retelling in a loose sense but a retelling nonetheless) is set in Heian Japan, and centers on Hattori Mariko, a girl on her way to marry the emperor’s son.  During her journey, she’s ambushed by the fearsome Black Clan, with her guards and servants murdered.  Disguising herself as a boy, she finds the Black Clan and decides to infiltrate their ranks to figure out why she was targeted--and perhaps put off her marriage for a bit longer.  As Mariko is drawn into the world of the Black Clan--and becomes entangled with the mysterious Okami--her twin brother, Kenshin, pursues her relentlessly.  I really love Renee Ahdieh, and I especially appreciate the fact that she writes historical fantasy that isn’t given a European setting.  At first, I sort of doubted the Japanese angle for a retelling of a Chinese story, but it worked here.  Mariko is a strong, unyielding, an flawed heroine who certainly spends a lot of time lying to herself, which I appreciated.  One of the things I loved about this book was how much Mariko learned about her own privilege as a noblewoman, and the reality of the world versus what she’d been brought up in.  (Also, she gets a great callout from another woman in a scene, and it’s just fantastic.)  There is definitely a romance present, but it’s a slowburn in the best way.  Okami is super hot, and Mariko is definitely physically drawn to him before emotions get in the way, which I love.  There are fantastical elements as well, but they’re well-done and honestly, a lot of the story read as a historical adventure to me.  I loved it.

Hold Back the Stars by Katie Khan.  1/5.  (Wow, what a drop.)  Carys and Max are trapped in space with ninety minutes of oxygen left, after which they’ll die.  As they desperately try to find a way out of their situation, they relive their love story and all that went wrong (and right) with it.  I feel like this is one of those “quirky” books where the protagonists are in an outlandish situation but you fall in love with their very real romance.  And I’m not totally against this when it’s done right, but Carys and Max were insufferable, their world didn’t make sense, and I zoned out very quickly.

The Girl in 6E by A.R. Torre.  4/5.  Deanna Madden makes her living as a cam girl, having cyber-sex with men and women for money; she also hasn’t left her apartment in three years, due to her intense need to kill.  Lately, she’s been more tempted to interact with other human beings than ever, in part due to her attraction to UPS guy Jeremy--but she knows exactly how much of a threat she is to society.  But when a client begins showing particularly deviant behaviors, Deanna is drawn out--for better or for worse.  I’m really bad at describing this book, because a good 70% of it is a creeping sense of dread, Deanna working with her clients (and shrink) and the looming threat of the antagonist.  The actual antagonist is nothing amazing.  The strength of the story is Deanna and her struggle between wanting to kill and wanting to protect people--along with the cam subculture.  The author did their research, and you can really tell.  The book is incredibly fast-paced and vivid.  It’s an awesome thriller.  The only reason why it doesn’t get a 4/5 is that I felt that Jeremy wasn’t super compelling, but I didn’t dislike him.

Scribe of Siena by Melanie Winawer.  2/5.  Neurosurgeon Beatrice heads to Siena after the death of her brother, a historian intent on uncovering the secrets of a fourteenth century plague.  There, she discovers the journals of Gabriele, a fresco painter, and upon being sent back in time falls in love with him.  There were subplots, of course, but the main core of the story was Beatrice and Gabriele’s love story, and it was super weak.  He just wasn’t my type of guy--and honestly, he was so ridiculously idealized that he became bland.  For that matter, it didn’t feel like the author did much research about the period; I didn’t feel like Gabriele was a painter of the time, and I took issue with how easily Beatrice fit into fourteenth century society.  Not a winner.

Rich People Problems by Kevin Kwan.  4/5.  The final entry in the Crazy Rich Asians trilogy has the Young clan swarming back to Singapore after matriarch Su Yi has a heart attack.  Nick is left hoping that he’ll reconcile with his grandmother before she dies. At the same time, Astrid is having issues with her divorce and her relationship with Charlie; Kitty Bing, now married to an even richer billionaire, is still struggling to become accepted by upper class society while battling her stepdaughter, Colette; and the villainous Eddie is still social climbing while trying to get as much as he can from his grandmother on her deathbed.  This series is so enjoyable, and while Rich People Problems still wasn’t quite as good as Crazy Rich Asians, I feel like it returned to the roots of the series: Young family drama in Singapore.  I loved learning more about Su Yi, and I admire Kevin Kwan’s ability to let go of the more settled core couple a bit--Nick and Rachel--in favor of tying up the still high key drama happening in the lives of Astrid and Kitty.  This is a very satisfying conclusion, and it was at turns hilarious and heartwarming.  

[ohmypreciousgirl]

in which my life is wild as fuck

so remember that in the beginning of the month i stated here maybe i was polyamory? 

well, i started reading and exploring about it and, the more i research, the more i believe i am polyamory.

like i find much more easier to deal with the idea of forming relationships with people that i share different degrees of intimacy and feelings than sticking with only one person that will be my “everything”. i don’t feel overwhelmed or that familiar crippling anxiety when someone mentions commitment like happened with past dates. 

now that i am actually learning about polyamory, i understand it’s not an endless party of hooking up with people. i could understand the notion of three people getting involved, but i couldn’t understand how open relationship worked like you have someone but you also go out and date other people. 

first of all, there are a lot of ways to be polyamory, you need to find the one that suits you. 

second, it’s not like having someone and sleeping around. not at all. each relationship you have, you create a contract between you and that person and that can mean different things. also, cheating can totally happen, okay? don’t think just because it’s polyamory cheating can’t happen. the cheating comes from lying and breaking a promise (like partner a told you they didn’t want you to go out with that particular person and you do it anyway and then lie about it - that’s cheating). also jealousy can happen too. those possessive feelings are not gone, everyone needs to deal with them. the difference is not to let it get in the way of your relationships and you have to understand those feelings are yours and you can’t blame on your partner. you’ve to learn how to deal with them.

now when people talk to me about commitment it means establishing a relationship that has their own set of rules and you promise the person you won’t break it. if they do, it’s in your right to want to talk about it or even break up if the thing really hurt you.

third, you learn that you can like/love many people in different ways and all at the same time. that each person you get involved will love and appreciate you in a different way that will fill up a need you have.

for example, i have H in my life - he is one of my best friends and i share everything with him, from my problems to my body. we started as friends with benefits, but nowadays we understand that we have an unique relationship that involves love (i know he loves me and he knows i love him and we exchange constantly those words) and partnership. he knows all the people i’m involved and vice versa. sometimes he invites me to go out with a girl cause he knows i’ll like her too and that’s very nice. like he already set up a date with me and a cute girl he wants to go out too cause he thinks we will all get along so yay nice. he’s the only guy currently i sleep with and he’s very very understanding about my hangups with sex overall. so most of our time together is about touching and talking. he makes me feel very very loved and i think i make him feel the same way ♥

i have D - she’s the trans woman from Mexico i told you about. yesterday we went out for the first time together in a date. it was amazing ♥ she didn’t make the physical transitioning even tho she likes that we use female pronouns. she has been out as trans for 2 years so she is still adapting, especially because it was hard to her cause her former wife left her when she decided that she was a woman. and yeah, she prefers woman. she told me how confusing it was when she still identified as man and loved women, but didn’t feel comfortable being a man. and woah talking to her i learned so many things. she was super understanding about my problems with sex and she told me she wanted to establish a relationship with me, whatever that meant. she wasn’t there for sex, but for my company because she like to form partnerships and not just fuckbuddies and woah holy shit yes. basically i found a new partner who is very sweet and smells great and has soft hair and give great kisses and respect my asexual spectrum thing and makes me feel very adored. i can totally see myself growing to love her as we get to know each other. and she’s 14 years older than i am??? but i don’t feel creeped out about it, like happened with other older people. i liked how she made me feel. aaaand she wants me to meet G, one of the other three women she has a relationship with, because she thinks i’ll love to meet someone like G and i can meet another awesome woman.

there’s R, who is the polyamory asexual lesbian friend from university that i talked about. i have serious feelings for her and like what i feel for her is completely different from my love for H and my fondness for D. i get butterflies and she’s constantly in my thoughts. i just want like to love her and hug her and hold hands and kiss and idk brush her hair??? i don’t even care she’s 6 years younger??? i just love spending time with her and it’s so fucking confusing cause i have no fucking idea how she feels? i mean i told her she was my crush and she is very receptive from my hugs and cheek kisses and she melts against me when i hug her from behind. and like a few days ago i found in my notebook a sticker of a heart that had a puppy on it that i knew it was hers because she had those fucking stickers????and man she kills me! and she is always quoting me when people are talking on the class whatsapp group and holy shit i am falling in love for real in a v v teenage girl way ahahaha i’m so embarrassed

and now there’s a couple i met a few days ago. but first context! i don’t think i mentioned it here but i was invited to work in a sex shop???

STORY TIME

there i am, going inside the building that my psychologist is when a hot girl dressed in Minnie comes out. i always see this girl and she's like HOT. but this time she noticed me and like looked to me from head to toes, smiled and then approached me. then she told me there was a new sex shop and asked me to go to see it with her and i was like 'bitch do whatever what u want with me. u r too pretty' and then i went. the owner was there and we started talking and he showed me classes the sex shop would offer to see if i was interested. and there was 'pole dance' and 'lap dance' and, as always i just said 'oh i already do pole and i did chair'. the guy widens his eyes and asks me 'well, do you want come to work as pole teacher? you've the standard beauty’ (like i never thought someone would call me standard beauty wtf) i was like 'whaaaaat' and he was 'let's talk about it' and then he showed me the rooms he'd rent to make it happen and suddenly i'm drafting proposals of how to do a pole class (after talking to my coach ofc and she telling me to go for it). and now he's gonna pay courses to teach me how to be sexy and that's it. i'm gonna be a teacher of erotic pole dance and lap dance.

END OF STORY TIME

the day i went to the shop for the first time, i met a lot of employees, including the couple B (the girl) and J (the boy). the three of us hit it off and it was awesome. anyway, a few days after, i went back to talk about more proposals with the owner and i stayed there because the people that works at the sex shop are awesome. so it was at the end of the shift, the owner said it was time for me to try the bdsm stuff and then he taught me how to whip (it was fucking hilarious) and lots of those bdsm stuff. i learned that bdsm is not for me except for a special kind of handcuffs. the story is: i put the handcuffs and the guys held my hands over my head and i ended up making out with B (don’t worry she didn’t cheat on her fiancee, they have an open relationship and J was there when we kissed) and it was fucking exciting. i think it was the first time in months that i got turned on by just kissing!!!! so yeah i like being held up and kissed ahahaha holy shit lol

anyway, J got my phone number and we started talking via message yesterday night. and then he told me B was there and sent me a cute selfie of them together and we talked for a while. and then of course he ended up approaching me about hanging out with them and hooking up while playing board games and i said yes cause i liked them a lot???? and well it’s a couple so i’m not gonna be the primary relationship of any of them so!!!

tl,dr: i’m having tons of fun and exploring my sexuality i never did when i was younger while meeting incredible people that i really like or know i’ll grow to like. i’m forming so many meaningful bonds of partnership in a way that i never did when i was trying to fit in the monogamist ideal. i feel more appreciated and loved than when i was trying to be fit the “right” romantic relationship. i don’t feel pressured. i don’t feel tired. i feel satisfied. maybe polyamory is not the answer for everyone, but it’s definitely for me. 

[soworthloving]

Filter Coffee Not People

By Peyton Land

Sometimes I think about what will be left of me when I’m long gone from this world. Will my pictures still be here? Would I have written a book that sticks around? Will my words have any impact? Hopefully they will. When I think about the things I will leave behind, I mostly think about my words and what I hope they do and will do for people.

A long time ago I realized that I had no one telling me that everything that had happened to me was awful, but I was still a precious jewel underneath it all. Yes, I have the best parents in the world who support me as much as they can, but I don’t think anything prepares anyone for an overly sensitive kid. As great as they are, what about the other kids? The ones without great parents? Who is telling them how great and worthy they are no matter what their grade in a math class is or no matter how their significant other treats them?

I don’t know why, but I want to be that person. I always will be that person. I won’t ever stop telling people that they deserve to be here. This is the thought that fiiinally brings me to “Filter coffee, not people”. FCNP is a series I’m starting talking about a very personal subject involving my friends and I, and our different sexual abuse stories. As I grow more and more aware I see the impact our communities have on us either through the media or friendships and I just want to be able to say  y o u  a r e  n o t  a l o n e. You are not alone!! We lose so many people every day because of the shame they’re feeling. I hate the shame I feel on a regular basis. All of this to say; we all have different ways of getting over things; mine was and still is, talking about it. So I’m here to talk about sexual assault.

The other day while I was scrolling through Facebook, I came across an article about a girl who had been sexually assaulted in Alabama, she was a student who originated from Austin, and was on her way home after a party (not in Austin, Alabama). This is the same story for so many girls and unfortunately it ended the same way many others end, no one being held accountable for his or her actions. All anyone focused on in her situation was the strong and powerful man who had enough money to make it go away. When Brock Turner raped the women behind the dumpster, all anyone could do is talk about the great swimmer he was. The media never calls it rape. The media never covers the women in these stories. In even bigger news, coverage on people like Bill Cosby or Donald Trump, there’s a feeling of doubt consuming everyone’s minds on how true their stories actually are.

Why not make it harder for people to ignore sexual survivors stories? It’s also not just the hard and ugly I want to shed light on, but the happy and how we are thriving! There is life after being sexually assaulted. I can’t ask people to be open about their stories if I can’t be open about mine. I’ve had my fair share of things happen to me but I’ve never let them define me. I can thank my parents for that.

The summer I had turned 15 I was “dating” a boy, really, my first ever boyfriend. He made me feel pretty and wanted; he constantly made me feel heard in whatever I was talking about. Whenever we had met up we had only kissed a few times because as I had told him, I wasn’t ready for anything beyond that. He said he respected it, and moved on… Except he really hadn’t. The guy I really liked had disappeared and this aggressive, controlling boy came out. He didn’t want me to hang out with friends, and made me feel bad for things that weren’t even my fault. 15 was a rough year. It feels like forever ago. I honestly couldn’t tell you how certain actions happened. I can tell you though, that I didn’t want any of it. I remember breaking up with him the day after everything happened. I didn’t know for sure what had happened, but I knew I felt really unsafe. I didn’t want to talk to my parents about it. I could see my relationships with everyone around me crumbling, I was super sassy around my mom and dad, I was mean to my brother, Clay. I’m pretty sure he thought I hated him. I didn’t hate him; I hated myself. I was anxious all the time because I didn’t know my true feelings. I thought maybe I had wanted it and I was just a bad Christian. I thought it was my fault. I just really wanted to know what happened. It took me a year to figure out the name for it: Rape.

One night at bible study I remember crying and telling my friends what had happened and someone’s response was, “But did you do anything before that with him?” Someone backed me up immediately and said no, this wasn’t just him thinking there was a sequence of events happening…. I said no, but he said yes anyways. My story is real. This happened to me. This happened to me because of a really bad guy. Just because I didn’t know what to call what happened to me, didn’t scream, didn’t rush to the police, doesn’t make it less real. Of course there were many ways I could’ve gotten myself out of the situation- I could’ve seen the signs of emotional abuse a lot sooner, I could’ve realized how controlling he was, but I wasn’t educated on the signs. The lack of education teenagers get on sex education is appalling. I thought that the rape that happened to me was sex. The guy thought it was consensual too, he didn’t see how he was manipulating me.

Some guys literally have never been taught what consensual sex is. People aren’t being educated on what’s okay and what’s not okay. That’s not to make what happened lesser. It’s still important. My pain is important and me learning from what happened is important. I wouldn’t be as much as an advocate for girls if it wasn’t for this guy. My relationship with God wouldn’t be what it is today without it.

I tell this story because as a young girl, I wasn’t sure what the heck was going on. Maybe there’s another young girl out there who doesn’t know the signs of a controlling boyfriend. Maybe she doesn’t know what consent is. This is for you.

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I’m still very angry about this next part of my story, but I’m thriving. Thriving in ways I never thought I could be thriving. A few years after the last crap boyfriend, a guy a year older than me who I went to school with started to give me some attention. He was always the quiet and nerdy guy who had been in my classes so I never gave him much thought, but soon after dating, I fell in love. He was a game changer; at that point in life I viewed myself as unlovable in the eyes of boys. He was kind, sweet, and everything I wanted in a guy. After basic training for the Air Force, we spent more and more time together and I was convinced that I would spend the rest of my life with him. When he looked at me I knew he loved me back and that’s all I needed and wanted.

We went through a lot in the first year we dated. He moved and I went off to college, through his cheating and lies, I still loved him. A lot. I willed it to get better. For a while it did, but the emotional toll it took me on was getting heavier and heavier. I didn’t think highly of myself and was constantly anxious, as before when I was 15. Some how he had gotten me to think I needed him like I needed water and the idea of leaving him left me crippled. He had manipulated me so much, lying about all the cheating he was doing or attempting to do through our engagement season. Even through the early stages of our marriage. It was awful. I remember lying in bed and thinking, “Will this always be how it is?” I felt trapped. I lived for the few minutes a day he was actually nice to me.

Even with the cheating, the worst thing he did to me was not understand the word no. He thought that just because we were married (together, boyfriend/girlfriend, insert any situation you’re in, here) that he could do whatever he wanted. I should just have to say no to sex, and that be that. There were even some times I had to kick him off me, but mostly it was just easier to let the sex just happen. I would make myself sick thinking about what I would have to do when he got home, and I hated it. I hated my life. He didn’t listen to how I felt about it, and then he would hint at that if he didn’t get it from me he would go elsewhere.

Just because you are with someone, doesn’t mean you have to have sex. If they’re making you, get out. You are worthy of so much more than what some guy thinks of you. It took a long time, a lot of great friends, and family to help me learn that. It’s been over two years and I haven’t had anything serious because I now know what I deserve and what God wants from me. This is my light: You have options. Your story is important, you are important, and there is someone out there better for you!! I haven’t found that person yet, and I don’t even know if there’s going to be that person. I’m just happy with the season I’m in right now.

I won’t let people ignore my story. It’s really scary to put myself out there like this but I’m not sure anyone’s view sexual assault will change without people being open to sharing their story. It was hard for me to tell my parents what happened to me, and I couldn’t even imagine how mortifying it would’ve been to go to law enforcement with sexual abuse accusations. These men aren’t even that powerful and I was still scared. I can’t imagine what pressures other women who come out in the media trying to tell their story go through. Women are wise and strong. Our experiences speak for themselves.

Please, if you want to share your story, don’t hesitate to get in contact with me!!

peytontoftland@icloud.com