#personally i don’t i’m mostly around cis ppl

[iogenders]

question because i’m curious

reblog for bigger sample size etc etc

[tonitheloftwing]

I SAW THAT POST TOO LMAO

its crazy, like if you’re gonna be an exclus at least be consistent

“Men can’t be lesbians unless they’re genderfluid bc they’re not REALLY men” LIKE DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF???

Queer discourse of any sort seriously drives me insane, but lesbian discourse makes my head hurt more than anything else 😭 my journey of coming to ID as an aro lesbian who loves bald and/or pathetic baby men in fiction was a long one wrought with distress, mainly due to people who go around pretending to be the Gay Police. Like, as of right now, I’m a mostly cis, mostly female-aligned, lesbian who is only attracted to women irl, which fits most people’s idea of what a lesbian is. But that doesn’t mean I’m not hurt by lesbian exclusionaries, because every single time someone comes up on my dash being like “I hate lesboys I hate mspec lesbians!!!” I’m like. Well what if later down the line my gender shifts to be more masculine again. And I like my little fictional boxer boys, does that make me a “bad” lesbian?

This is the new talking point i try to use as leverage against exclusionary ppl. By being exclusionary towards certain groups of lesbians, you’re hurting all the lesbians - even the ones you’re white-knighting for in your exclusionary statements - because you’re showing us that if we do something you don’t like with our gender or sexuality/romantic identity, you’ll come after us. If i see somebody being exclusionary, I automatically assume they’re gonna see me kissing George costanza’s bald head and make a callout post about it because he’s a stinky, rotten man.

This is very discombobulated bc I have thoughts. But tldr, as someone who isn’t mspec and is hardly male-aligned, I still hate exclusionaries. Especially exclusionaries who use “you’re hurting the real lesbians!” As an excuse to be nasty. Like no, I think lesboys and mspec lesbians are cool and them existing has done no harm to me.

And that’s not even addressing how a lot of lesbian discourse loops back around into like, radfem/terf bioessencialist territory. Men are not inherently evil and scary and bad. Just liking women doesn’t make you a better person than someone who likes men, or men and women, or anybody in between. We’re all just beings at the end of the day, and gender is made up anyways.

To end on at least a funny note, here’s a tumblr post from yaoiboypussy that I will be thinking about every time i hear ppl fighting over lesbians now

Also I’m sorry for not answering this sooner, tumblr never gave me the notif 😔

UPDATE JUNE 14: I THOUGHT I POSTED THIS DAYS AGO AND I GUESS I DIDNT. OOPS

[mister-mickey]

Sexuality headcanons

(Does not have anything to do with the ship hcs, these are my personal hcs. It’s more related to the twitter au but even then it’s not 100% the same)

Experience doesn’t necessarily mean sex, just like dating and such

Darry

- Cis and gay lol

- He likes guys that fight (Paul, tim)

- That’s why he liked football so much lolol

- Despite this he doesn’t have a lot of experience with other guys because he only dated girls in highschool

Soda

- Bisexual ofc. Also cis but very connected to fem side

- His type is uhh. Mean ppl. He hates to admit it though and makes excuses for his partner/crush

- “No Sandy isn’t cheating on me she just has lots of guy friends!” “Steve isn’t mean he’s just bitey!”

- Has experience with lots of different ppl because he’s so in demand so he’s good at flirting (charming handsome boy)

Pony

- Hm. Also bisexual because if taht obvious crush on cherry but also everyone else in the book lmao. Non-binary in a “I don’t give a fuck about my gender” way. Still he/him

- Doesn’t have a set type, it’s literally just anyone. He meets someone? Oh wow, new crush.

- It seems like he’s attracted to assholes, but it’s actually just because everyone around him is an asshole

- No experience, he’s 14 and kind of losery (I love him still, not pb hate)

Twobit

- Bisexual but leans towards girl, cis

- Canon that he likes blondes, so I bet he’s made out with dally at a party at least once.

- Marcia is an obvious exception to this and he doesn’t understand it. He jokes about her dying her hair blonde but he really does like her as is

- Lots of experience I’m sure. He’s funny and charming, I’d be surprised if he didn’t

Dally

- Bisexual but leans toward guys, cis

- Likes people that kick his ass (tim, Sylvia) honestly his type is just people that see him for who he is

- Tim and Sylvia are his toxic exes that he keeps going back to. He hates it but they really are some of the only people that he feels understand him

- He’s Dallas, im pretty sure Ponyboy mentioned him having tons of flings so he’s got experience.

Steve

- Gay, and I read a really good fic where he was ftm and it rearranged my brain so he’s trans now

- His type is pretty boys (soda) he’s mostly only ever had a crush on soda so it’s not like he’s explored his type lol

- He dated evie because she was friends with Sandy and he wanted to double date with soda and Sandy so he could watch them the entire time (jealous mf)

- Zero experience, he refused to even kiss evie and he never had the guts to even look at other guys

Johnny

- Hm. Gay and cis, but he seriously questioned his gender for a bit because he didn’t have much of a self concept and he couldn’t imagine himself at all. He decided to stop thinking about it because it stressed him out

- His type is people that he thinks are better than him (Dallas, for being tuffer, pony, for being smarter) he thinks that being around cool people will make him feel better about himself

- It doesn’t work, but he still likes to do it. Anyway, pony and dally still make him feel better in other ways because they think he’s so cool

- No experience, nobody ever flirts with him (or even notices him) except for Sylvia that one time. He thinks he’s ugly but honestly he just needs to put himself out there

Tim

- Gay and ftm (projecting lolll) very few people know because he was really young when he transed. Like when he was like 4 and his parents were like “hm okay whatever we don’t care anyway.” Also itty bitty titty committee so he doesn’t even have to bind (jealous)

- His type is literally just tough guys. That’s why he dated dallas and why he likes darry. They’re both tough and good at fighting.

- also dated Sylvia but only to make dally mad (and he regretted it because he realized immediately afterwards that he was definitely gay. Sylvia thought it was funny)

- Lots of experience but only with select people (people he can trust)

Angela

- Bisexual but doesn’t realize it lol, cis

- She likes traditionally masculine guys and traditionally feminine girls. Idk why but she likes it. Tbf it’s the sixties she wouldn’t be exposed to many fem guys and masc girls. Maybe she had a crush on Sylvia

- Dated bryon and actually really liked him for a bit. She broke up with him for pb but regretted it lmao.

- Bryon was her first bf so no real experience. Also tim chases any possible beaus away so she’s real unlucky

Curly

- Gay and cis, but too stupid to realize that he’s gay

- His type is any man ever. (Saw tuffponyboy’s post about how curly likes dally, bryon, and Sodapop and I committed it to my belief system)

- But he also likes pony. Maybe he even realizes and is like “omg I’m a homosexual 😧” and he doesn’t realize that everyone around him is also gay and wouldn’t judge him.

- Zero experience, gets no bitches, loser. Also he’s fifteen and he cares more about fighting than smooching

Mark

- Aromantic, asexual and ftm. Idk I feel like it fits him.

- Honestly he cares more about his friends and family than anything else. He literally sold drugs ti support his family (look where that got him)

- Has dated girls before but he hated it so much. Even tried kissing a guy at a party but decided that everyone else was crazy for enjoying this stuff

- A little bit of experience from before he decided that it all just wasn’t for him

Bryon

- Bisexual and cis

- His type is shorter than him (he likes to be tall and feel strong)

- He dated angela and Cathy, but he kissed curly at a party once (claimed it was because he was drunk and curly looks like angela but it’s not true he just thought curly was a cutie (even he’s super annoying))

- He mentioned being a ladies man so yeah he’s got experience.

Cathy

- Straight and cis, but a mega ally !!

- Her type is thoughtful and also big muscles

- She really thought bryon was perfect until he had his, err, mental breakdown and flipped out. It really hurt and she was so worried about him but he shut her out for months so she ended up moving on.

- Pretty sure bryon was her first bf? But she got with pb so she’s got a little bit of experience now

M&M

- I think gay and nb, and he doesn’t care about pronouns at all. He’s nonchalant like that

- Had a crush on mark lol. And Randy. He doesn’t date anyone because the only person he’s come out to is Cathy

- He thinks curly jumps him because he’s gay. Doesn’t realize its because he’s a hippie (curly is stupid but not homophobic)

- No experience, he’s like 13 and has never ever dated. Maybe he’s danced with someone at a school dance but he has no charm

Cherry

- Cishet ally

- Her type is canonly jerks. Very funny miss cherry.

- She dated bob, liked dally, in the series she liked Tim too. Why is she like this 💔

- A bit of experience, she dated bob after all.

Bob

- Bisexual in a homophobic way, cis

- Type is attractive rich people. He would never be attracted to a greaser, he’d rather jump off a cliff

- Dated cherry, likes Randy. He wants a very traditional future with a spouse and two children and he doesn’t think he can get that with a poor person for whatever reason. He also wants to be the “man” in the relationship.

- Lots of experience because he’s a whore I think. Flirts with most any rich person.

Marcia

- Cishet, doesn’t know that gay people are actually real. (When cherry told her she thought it was a joke)

- Type is funny lol. That’s why she likes twobit. I guess that means Randy is somewhat funny

- She actually isn’t that funny herself, she just likes to laugh.

- Very little experience. Randy was her first bf

Randy

- Gay and cis

- He likes bob. That’s it !

- He legit isn’t attracted to anyone else. After bob died he changed his entire ideology and became a hippie !! He was down bad. He doesn’t give a fuck about Marcia she’s just a girl to him

- Only has experience with Marcia and it’s not really the experience he wants because he is bobsexual

[molsno]

this is kind of random but do you ever feel like people treat transmisogyny as a lesbian-specific problem, and if so, does it bother you as a trans lesbian? i don’t really mean general criticisms of transmisogyny within lesbian spaces, but rather people who seem to talk about transmisogyny like lesbians *specifically* perpetrate it the most, or are more capable of perpetrating it than anyone. i feel like this has become a popular trend in queer discourse (usually from tme non-lesbian ppl) to demonize or ‘other’ lesbians, & i think it extends from contempt toward “man-hating lesbians” but lumping trans girls under “men” to legitimize it, but i don’t know if i just notice it more because i’m tme, and i don’t want to overstep or make anyone feel like I’m discouraging discussions of transmisogyny by saying this isn’t a lesbian-exclusive issue. i know the ‘political lesbian’ movement was predominantly driven by straight cis women (and a smaller but non-zero number of cis bi and lesbian women) who laid a lot of groundwork for associating bioessentialism with lesbianism but is it unfair to say “lesbians aren’t an essentialist hate group and shouldn’t be generalized/singled out”? like is this a trend you’ve noticed as a tma lesbian, or am i looking at this through a misguided lens? sorry for rambling on, feel free to ignore and i hope your night/day is going well <3

I think that definitely happens to an extent, but that's mostly because tme non-lesbians believe in lesbophobic stereotypes that lesbians are more likely to be terfs and that most terfs are lesbians. it definitely bothers me as a lesbian, because not even being trans exempts me from these stereotypes. I've literally had one of my former best friends tell me they didn't trust lesbians, including me, because terfs invalidated their gender as a nonbinary person. like. it's vile.

so yeah, I think it's fair to ask people not to generalize about lesbians, but at the same time, I've also seen firsthand, many times, that transmisogyny is still prevalent among tme lesbians. the critiques tme non-lesbians make are mostly just blatant lesbophobia (and transmisogyny by assuming lesbians are talking about trans women when they say men), but over time I've become increasingly disillusioned by tme lesbians after seeing just how willing they are to throw tma lesbians under the bus. as just one example, a few months ago, there was this bi lesbian blocklist that was going around on here, and regardless of your feelings on that particular topic, the fact of the matter is that almost every single person on that list was transfem. trans women who have never identified as bi lesbians or even said anything publicly about bi lesbians (including several of my close friends) wound up on that list for seemingly no reason, and found themselves blocked by most of the tme lesbians on this website. you would think that people who put "tme" in their bios and reblog posts about transmisogyny would at least make an effort to stop and think about the implications of this, but it turns out that a sizable number of tme lesbians will exile a bunch of trans women from their community based on blind accusations of them being predatory men invading the lesbian community without a second thought.

that being said, the behaviors I just described aren't really unique to tme lesbians either. tme people of all genders and orientations have been doing the exact same things for decades. so what I'm saying is, although I don't think it's fair to generalize or single out lesbians as being particularly transmisogynistic, that doesn't mean tme lesbians should be pretending that they're incapable of transmisogyny and insisting they don't need to hold each other accountable for perpetrating it.

[everafter-life]

looks @ u with my autistic eyes. hi 👉👈

ur cis semi-verbal. i'm transmuette going for partial transition to semi-verbalness. gib tips please 🥺?

i mostly struggle w/ talking out of habit. it's smth i've done so long and much that it's second nature for me to talk, even when i'm with ppl i could simply go mute on 😔 (also i'mm too selfconscious to use the aac app i downloaded for even minor things 😭)

but like Literally Any Tips are appreciated !! /g

have a nice timezone !! :]

Hello! I’m sorry this took awhile, was spending time with my partner!

I don’t use an aac app and normally just use my phone’s built in tts or just type down what i want to say, just in case that may help some!

One thing that i have personally noticed is i do better talking with people i know! Yes i feel comfortable going silent around them but i mentally do have a lot to say, just can’t really say much of it! If you’re early on in transition i suggest trying to start by not talking much with people you don’t know much, or talking quietly with them!

You could also try and go quiet when working on something, like if you’re getting yourself food and someone tries to talk to you, wait until you finish getting your food before responding! You can even try and reply with a simple nod, head shake, or just going “mhm!” To do non-vocal responses. Maybe even learn a bit of small sign language, when i want water i will constantly use the sign for “drink” to tell people!

If you have follow up questions i am willing to answer!

[menlove]

„but demisexuality for example is just quite literally not Feeling sexual feelings/urges towards someone At All until you're incredibly close to them. you don't fantasize about strangers or celebraties or get turned on by people you find hot. you're functionally asexual until you get to know someone and develop feelings for them. and even after that it's gonna work differently than it does for an allosexual partner.“ thing is. I get this, I do. Because that’s me. But on the other hand, this is almost everyone I know as well who is afab. And based on my experience, I’m convinced that if you would look at statistics of demisexuality, you’d find that there’s a big overlap with afabs. And yeah this is anecdotal, but don’t you think that there’s a possibility that ace spectrum is part of the normal sexual experience, it’s just being framed as something specific and different because it’s mostly experienced by people who are not cis male? I think there’s a gender aspect to this that people don’t take into account. And if people think the asexuality label fits then and empowers them, that’s super valid. But at the same time I would also like it if people would say „being Demi is kinda normal though“ instead, because it normalized a sexual experience that is experienced very commonly among non cis men.

a quick note that "afabs" as a group like this is not very useful and also that's not its function in language like it's way easier to say people who were afab/people assigned female at birth bc "assigned female at births" is a weird sentence. and there are ppl who aren't cis men who are not afab.

and this is also anecdotal for me as well but most allosexual people I've met are in fact. assigned female at birth. like most of this website is assigned female at birth and every single person I've talked to who has made me realize oh shit yall actually feel sexual attraction for real? has been assigned female at birth

sexual attraction isn't Just for cis men and I understand where you're coming from but we are looping back around to bioessentialism here. like again, my experience is also anecdotal, but most incredibly horny people I talk to are afab. honestly I know more people amab who identify on the ace spectrum than I do people afab in my own personal life

so like. where there's a lack of studies done I think it is very very dangerous to rely on anecdotal experiences and claim some very bioessentialist claims based on your own experience. and I understand what you are trying to convey but there's many issues w this line of thought

plenty of people assigned female at birth experience immediate sexual attraction. plenty of people assigned male at birth do not.

and while agree that yes it's part of the normal sexual experience and no one has to label their sexuality anything, I disagree w the notion that it's at all based on birth sex assignment. or to my original point that "everyone feels like this" bc typically those people are again, talking about when you Decide to fuck someone

like I feel like generally Many people probably do feel asexual in some ways. and some people are happy to label it and some people aren't. but it's unhelpful of people to say "that's normal stop trying to label it something special" and it's also unhelpful to assign it to The Sexes. esp when those things Are very anecdotal like I said. we have the exact opposite experience so it's either one of us is wrong or maybe (the biggest chance here) that human experience is vast and varied and can't be divided neatly into What Vagina Havers Do vs What Penis Havers Do

[lavenderlemonrose]

here, have a late night rambling post, courtesy of my college-anxiety-induced insomnia. thoughts on the legacy of jkr and harry potter below.

I just saw a post that said gen z ppl are pretending they never had a harry potter phase, and it made me deeply sad. obviously I’m no longer supporting the author - I will be damned if she gets another cent of my money, and I’ve severely cut down on how active I am in the fandom. I only occasionally interact with hp posts (mostly marauders, which seem less tainted than the rest), and I haven’t reread the books in at least a year. and I’m happy to do it! this is, quite literally, the least I can do, and as a mostly cis woman I think it’s incredibly important to stand in solidarity with trans people.

but it makes me so terribly sad. these books and these characters and this world were such a formative part of my youth. I was very young and I felt so very alone and they soothed me in a time when few other things did. they were the first real bit of media that I fell in love with in the way I do now, the first I was truly a fangirl for. and the magic of it was that I was at an age when I thought it was all real - that Harry and Hermione and Ron could be waiting at my house for me when I got home. in my darkest moments, I *still* think of these characters, among others, to give me the strength to get up and keep going.

but now they’re tainted. irrevocably. I could even use the word “ruined”. I will never experience them in the same way, and not just because I’m an adult now and I know Harry isn’t going to be waiting around the corner from me. this one hateful woman has the incredible, awful power to give us this magical world and then quite literally rip it from our hands. and I’m still able to think about it in some marginally untarnished way, but I know there are people who can’t, who can’t interact with it at all. and that, to me, is all the more tragic.

so I don’t agree with those posts making fun of people for having a harry potter stage, or scoffing at people who have a hard time letting it go, or saying “you know there are other series out there, right?” yeah, I do know. yeah, I have other favorites. but this was my first favorite. there is an intrinsic part of my girlhood, my childhood, tied up in this that is now lost to me forever, because of one person.

of course you should boycott her and her stupid cashgrab new movies and shows and video games. of course you should prioritize promoting other, more inclusive books. but no one should have to hide that they ever had a harry potter phase. most of us who are here today did. instead, I think this should be something we can bond over. a shared pain, a shared tragedy, that we all feel the effects from in different ways. it’s an experience we all had, and I don’t think we should be made to minimize it.

*bows awkwardly and leaves soapbox*

[tabslabs]

Had a weird dream and some personal confirmations from it. Post gets long so putting it under the cut

It was some sort of high school event or something and we were looking through an old art book of mine but literally none of my Highschool friends were there. Scar was there and my youngest brother was there.

After seeing lots of art of “Tabithor” (a “male version of myself”) my bro was like “you kept drawing yourself as a boy and playing boy characters back then” and I was all “yeah back in high school I definitely wasn’t as confidently cis as I am these days” I also brought up the fact that Tabithor was blonde and not a full expression of myself as much he was a character. A character I loved and still love playing to an extent. Though I haven’t done it as much anymore.

I think he served a purpose when I was younger and arguably exploring my gender, because for years I was very much “I don’t know I guess I have boobs” about it. Like I would present feminine because it was easier and I liked how I looked regardless as I cared more about the overall “look” than the gender. I thought and to an extent still think I’d be pretty happy living more masculine. The “looks” I like are kinda flashy more than they are gendered. Long coats, big hats, flowy cloaks & capes- none of these felt gendered to me I could find examples I liked from lots of media with guys and girls doing it. I did it in a more feminine way because again, boobs. I didn’t mind them so I may as well dress in whatever highlighted the body I already had best. If they were gone tomorrow I wouldn’t give a shit, I would just be excited about going clothes shopping again and finding a new “look”. I dreamt about being able to try losing the boobs and growing a beard and what kind of outfits I could style around that (trench coat and fedora was unfortunately common though usually it was a top hat instead because ppl were weird about fedoras back then).

Anyway honestly it was Netflix’s Carmen Sandiego that made me stop thinking about what if I was a guy and how would I look. I looked at her and was like “oh shit she’s beautiful she’s exactly what I could be.” Maybe it was the attainability of it that drew me to stop considering other paths… I had already been getting Carmen Sandiego comments for years before then when I was trying “flashy long jacket and large brimmed flashy red sun hat” (more inspired from various elements of mostly male characters).

But whatever it was, you can see it- the number of games I’ve played since that show came out where I’ve played as that blonde male Tabithor has shrunk by a landslide. I do it out of nostalgia more than anything else. Hell even in ACNH where I did create Tabithor I spent over half the time reskinning him to look like me (and since the villagers don’t refer to your gender and use nicknames anyway I was effectively playing Tabitha completely). I created a “Tabithor” in Valheim but made her a girl that looked like me. Literally I think those are the only two games that had a Tabithor instead of a Tabs, I don’t even have a Tabithor save on Stardew. I have some male stardew files but they’re literally just characters like “Buck Bingo” or “Rico PoM”.

In my dream Scar and Kendall kinda got what I was getting at, though Scar told me that was mostly a confirmation of how I was already presenting. I seemed really confident in me being a cis woman in my dream though. Something I’ve definitely projected to others a lot but it felt different in the dream watching me do it. It made me think upon waking that yeah no I really am and do identify as a woman and I’m pretty confident on that being right. And I do want to try using e/em pronouns too. I have for literal months and nobody’s doing it because I’ve been quiet about it overthinking that people would start questioning if I’m cis and I wouldn’t know for sure and just generally not wanting to open that can of worms. But no I already knew pronouns are just freaking words, we can use them for whatever, they don’t correlate to gender at all, and that includes myself. I still like she/her pronouns I just really like e/em pronouns too they’re so fun to me so I do wanna use both going forward

[possibilistfanfiction]

hi ! i was wondering if i could ask you about your journey re: gender. i've id'd as a cis lesbian for over a decade now, but in the last few years it's started to feel not .. quite right. i have people in my personal life who i could talk w/ about this, but i'm in these very early stages of questioning gender and my relationship to it, & don't feel able to vocalize my thoughts to my community around me. i don't know if you have any words, or anyone else's words you could point me to. thanks :)

i think for me the less i care about being able to concretely name or define my gender in some discernible way, the better i feel. i know what feels good for my body & the clothes i like & the people who love + respect me, & the rest is just kind of 💁🏼. at this point i follow that than worry about terms or what spaces or conversations i Should or Shouldn’t be in (as long as they apply somewhat to me, obviously) — i like being in women’s spaces, & sometimes i like being in trans spaces. sometimes gender feels kind of situational to me too — if i’m playing soccer on a coed team, i always want to be counted on the women’s side; with movement in general women’s sport is important to me in tons of ways. when i’m in a group of cis people, i feel Very different, but that’s also personal information that sometimes i want to share, & sometimes i don’t. people assuming i’m a cis soft butch lesbian feels better to me than people assuming i’m a man, & so that’s kind of a concession i’ve had to make — but it feels mostly right, & it feels good to have control over the information i disclose. not everyone has this privilege or safety, of course, but i’ve stopped trying to Make People Understand or Be A Rolemodel for young queer kids i work with or whatever, & it’s been so nice. & i’ve also experienced, even with the trans community a lot of the time, there can be this intensity to Be Trans Enough or the Be Non-binary & like fuck if i know! gender is so fake to me! & also an expectation sometimes of this weird binary of gender dysphoria / gender euphoria. what i know is when i feel peaceful about my body & happy about my expression then that’s it, & i’ll follow that for as long as it feels good. the more i listen to & trust myself, & not worry about definitions or being Enough of ~whatever~ & just enjoy the ppl who feel that too, the better everything in my life is. i love being a mom & a wife but that doesn’t have to mean i’m cis; i like to wear pants that fit the way i want them to, which idc if they’re men’s or women’s.

& also the biggest thing for me is that, truthfully, everyone has their own understanding of gender identity & expression that’s deeply personal & unique to them — including cis people. a lot of intensity among trans communities is of course born out of deep need, which i understand & respect. but for me, it’s all just better personally when i allow myself to exist without any pressure to define the apathy i feel, & just eat & drink & wear what feels good, & move my body in ways that i love, & spend time in spaces that nourish. idk if that helps but i never rly had anyone tell me it was fine to just fucking chill lol so hopefully it does take a little pressure off. (& if u do end up feeling passionately aligned w something, that’s also cool!). it’s all vibes for me at this point & i just follow where they lead as presently as i can

[dirk-has-rabies]

Gender variance and it's link with neurodivergency

Okay so this is it going to be another long one

All quotes will be sourced with a link to the scientific journal I took it from

Okay Tumblr, let's talk gender (I know, your favorite topic) my preface on why this topic matters to me is: I'm autistic ( diagnosed moderate to severe autism) I'm nonbinary trans ( in a way that most non-autistic people don't understand and actually look down on)  and I went to college for gender study ( Mostly for intersex studies but a lot of my research was around non-binary and trans identities) I will be using the term autism as pants when I have experience with however when ADHD is part of the study I will use ND which stands for neurodivergent and yes this is going to be about xenogenders and neopronouns.

autism can affect gender the same way autism can affect literally every part of an identity. a big thing about having autism is the fact that it completely can change how you view personhood and time and object permanence and gender and literally all types of socially constructed ideas. let me also say hear that just because Society creates and enforces an idea does it mean that it doesn't exist to all people it just me that there is no nature law saying that it's real and the “rules” for these ideas can change and delete and create as time and Society evolves and changes.  gender is one of those constructs.

Now I'll take it by you reading this you know what transgender people are  (if you don't understand what a trans person is send me an ask and I'll type you up a pretty little essay lmao,  or Google it but that's a scary thought sense literally any Source or website can come up on Google including biased websites so be careful I guess LOL) anyway to be super basic trans people are anyone who doesn't identify as the gender they were assigned at Birth (yes that includes non-binary people I could do a whole nother essay about that shit how y'all keep spreading trying to separate non-binary people from the trans umbrella)  some people don't like to use the label and that is totally fine by the way.

now autistic people to view the world in a way differently than allistic (neurotypical) ppl do.  we don't take everything people teach us at 100% fact and we tend to question everything and demand proof and evidence for things before we can set it as a fact in our brains. This leads to why a lot of autistic people are atheist (although a lot of religions and this is not bashing on religious people at all I am actually a Jewish convert)  this questioning leads to a lot of social constructs being ignored or not understood At All by a lot of autistic people and personally I think that's a good thing.  allistics take everything their parents and teachers and schools teach them as fact until someone else says something and then they pick which ones to believe. autistic people study and research and learn about a topic before forming an opinion and while this may lead to them studying and believing very biased material and spitting it out as fact it can also lead them to try and Discover it is real by themselves.

because of this autistic people are more question their gender or not fall in a binary way at all as the concept of gender makes no sense to a lot of us. “ if gender is a construct then autistic people who are less aware of social norms are less likely to develop a typical gender identity”

no really look: “ children and teens with autism spectrum disorder ASD or Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder ADHD  are much more likely to express a wish to be the opposite sex compared with their typical developing peers” That was posted in 2014. we have been saying this stuff forever but no one wants to listen. the thing is gender variance (being not cisgender or at least questioning it)  has always been closely hand-in-hand with autistic and ADHD people I'm even the doctor who did that study understood right away that it all made sense the whole time: “ Dr. Strang said they were initially surprised to find an overrepresentation of gender variance among children with ADHD. However, they later realized that prior studies have shown increased levels of disruptive behavior and other behavioral problems among young people with gender variance”  SEE YOURE NOT WEIRD YOURE JUST YOU AND YOURE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!

5% autistic people who did the study were trans or questioning. it was also equal between the Sexes fun fact. that may not seem like a lot till you realize that the national average is only .7% that's literally over 700% higher than the national average. That's so many! and that's just in America.

 in Holland there was a study in 2010 “ nearly 8% of the more than 200 Children and adolescents referred to a clinic for gender dysphoria also came up positive on a assessment for ASD” they weren't even testing for ADHD so the numbers could be even higher!

now I want to talk about a  certain section of the trans umbrella that a lot of autistic people fall under called the non-binary umbrella. non-binary means anything that isn't just male or just female. it is not one third gender and non-binary doesn't mean that you don't have a gender. just clearing that up since cis people keep spreading that. non-binary is an umbrella term for any of the infinite genders you could use or create. now this is where I'm going to lose a bunch of you and that's okay because you don't have to understand our brains or emotions To respect us as real people. not many allistics can understand how we see and think and relate to things and that's okay you don't have to understand everything but just reading about this could be so much closer to respecting us for Who We Are from you've ever been and that's better than being against us just for existing.

now you might have heard of my Mutual Lars who was harassed  by transmeds for using the term Autigender (I was going to link them but if it gets traction I don't want them to get any hate)  since a lot of people roll their eyes at that  and treated them disgustingly for using a term that 100% applied correctly.  Autigender  is described as " a neurogender which can only be understood in the context of being autistic or when one's autism greatly affects one's gender or how one experiences gender. Autigender is not autism as a gender, but rather is a gender that is so heavily influenced by autism that one's autism and one's experience of gender cannot be unlinked.” Now tell me that doesn't sound a lot like this entire essay I've been working on with full sources…..

xenogenders and neopronouns are a big argument point on whether or not people “believe” in non binary genders but a big part of those genders is that they originated from ND communities and are ways that we can try to describe what gender means us in a way that cis or even allistic trans people just can't comprehend or ever understand. Same with MOGAI genders or sexualities. A lot of these are created as a way to somehow describe an indescribable relationship with gender that is so personal you really cant explain it to anyone who isnt literally the same as you.

Even in studies done with trans autistic people a large amount of them dont even fall on a yes or no of having a gender at all and fall in some weird inbetween where you KINDA have a gender but its not a gender in the sense that others say it is but its also too much of a gender so say youre agender. And this is the kind of stuff that confuses allistic trans people and makes them think nonbinary genders are making stuff up for attention, which isnt true at all we just cant explain what it feels like to BE a trans autistic person to anyone who doesnt ALREADY know how it feels.

In this study out of the ppl questioned almost HALF of the autistic trans individuals had a “Sense of identity revolving around interests” meaning their gender and identity was more based off what they liked rather than boy or girl. That makes ppl with stuff like vampgender or pupgender make a lot more sense now doesnt it? We see that even in the study: “My sense of identity is fluid, just as my sense of gender is fluid […] The only constant identity that runs through my life as a thread is ‘dancer.’ This is more important to me than gender, name or any other identifying features… even more important than mother. I wouldn't admit that in the NT world as when I have, I have been corrected (after all Mother is supposed to be my primary identification, right?!) but I feel that I can admit that here. (Taylor)” and an agreement from another saying “Mine is Artist. Thank you, Taylor. (Jessie)” now dont you think if they grew up with terms like artistgender or dancergender they would just YOINK those up right away????

In fact “An absence of a sense of gender or being unsure of how their gender should “feel” was another common report” because as ive said before in this post AUTISTIC PEOPLE DONT SEE GENDER THE WAY ALLISTIC PEOPLE SEE IT. therefore we wont use the same terms or have the same identities nor could we explain it to anyone who doesnt already understand or question the same way! Participants even offered up quotes such as “As a child and even now, I don't ‘feel’ like a gender, I feel like myself and for the most part I am constantly trying to figure out what that means for me (Betty)” and also “I don't feel like a particular gender I'm not even sure what a gender should feel like (Helen)”

Now i know this isnt going to change everyones minds on this stuff but i can only hope that it at least helped people feel like theyre not broken and not alone in their feelings about this. You dont have to follow allistic rules. You dont have to stop searching inside for who you really wanna be. And you dont have to pick or choose terms forever because just as you grow and evolve so may your terms. Its okay to not know what or who you are and its okay to identify as nonhuman things or as your interests because what you love and what you do is a big part of who you are and shapes you everyday. Its not a bad thing! Just please everyone, treat ppl with respect and if you dont understand something that doesnt make it bad or wrong it just means its not for you. And thats okay.

[naptimeclown]

I was just sitting in the backseat on a long car ride and got the thought of who I'd be in a horror/thriller movie and wrote way more than I intended so I'm putting it under a read more if anyone is interested have a peek. It's rambley and not written properly in any way so have fun with the giant wall of text.

If I was a character in a psychological thriller type horror movie I think I'd be one of the lesser liked of the 'survivor' group. They're female but a tomboy and probably has a nickname like Mac or J. or Sam. My character is written to be very annoying(read neurodivergent) or standoffish and rude. and a lot of the fandom doesn't like them and the small circle that does is basically overshadowed by any other character. My character gets sacrificed during a cult initiation so the rest of the characters can prove themselves and hopefully survive. My character’s death is either extremely boring or obscenely graphic, theres no in between. By that point they believe it's justified(and the fandom as well for aforementioned annoying/rudeness) because I was a 'sinner' or 'unclean' (heavily queer coded, specifically trans but it's never said just heavily implied during a flash back that happens while I'm dying that shows me in a bathroom cutting my hair short as well as other movie stereotypes of trans men) also there's going to be a ton of very distasteful memes about my death but it'll be hilarious because my character wasn't liked so I deserved it. I was also the only voice of reason so once I'm gone shit hits the fan. It doesn't have a good ending and instead wraps around to the same scenario that got them all into this mess but instead of the person who originally invited us to whatever place stuff was happening at it's the lead of the supposed survivor characters trying to lure in the next group. Because the movie had an all girl cast that 'lived' (remember my death was justifiable so I don't count) it's gonna be seen by the general (cis) public as a 'girl power' movie. Any queer ppl with critical thinking skills are gonna mention how fucked up it was how my character was handled but get screamed at cause 'its horror it's suppose to be fucked up!!!!Theres no perfect queer representation!!!' the creator of the show is gonna go on rants on Twitter about how the story got mangled and my character was suppose to be queer and the actual main character and I was suppose to escape, but it kept getting revised until it was the mess it ended up as but shrug can't do anything against these big cooperations. No one listens or cares. The small part of the fandom that did like my character are going to be queer and I'm mostly going to be misinterpreted as a lesbian despite the creator specifically stating otherwise. And the small collection of trans fans that like my character are basically never acknowledge within the fandom. Any fanfics written about my character are from ppl that didn't like me and are basically using my character to fulfill a savior complex in their escape au. Or I'm gonna be in a swap au where my character is working with the bad guys. (just my character, they’re the only one that’s swapped because lmao wouldnt it be so edgy if the one that got murdered was the bad guy???? and its totally not cause I was annoying or rude) I'm going to get miswritten as very pitiful and helpless and infantilized or demonized and be extremely brutish and a complete asshole. Any fan art of my character either makes them extremely thin/muscley (my character is canonically fat but ya know ~movie~ fat, this was another thing that was revised, my character was suppose to be actually fat) or they make me fat but slobbish and it just shows how they view fat people as disgusting. no one comments on this despite it being very obvious. Everyone who doesnt like how my character was handled blames the creator(whose a queer person themself) rather than the company that issued all the changes. The actor that played my character later comes out as trans and says working with the shows original writer helped them a lot to come to terms with their feelings of self. About 10-15 years after the movies originally released it suddenly gains a lot of attention online again. The creator was able to gain the rights back to the property and is making their own sequel with a different company fueled entirely on spite. This time a comedy horror where after a few years a new survivor brings my character back from the dead as they’re trying to find a way out of the cult. My character is played by the original actor, now after their transition. Theirs some goofy line about how hell was awesome and satan gave them hrt to explain the difference in appearance. The movie focuses on them getting revenge and finishing things once and for all. It’s incredibly campy and was the creators way of letting their story be what they wanted. The cis/het audience that loved the first movie is appalled and thinks they ruined the series. But it becomes a cult classic in queer spaces. Some people might revisit how they viewed the first one but in fandom space it becomes one of those ‘we never speak of this version’ kind of things.

I have a normal sense of self.

[fairycosmos]

being ugly really is a curse like literally everything on earth revolves around beauty & money and i have neither

i know what you mean. especially for women. conventional beauty is a currency for us, almost comparable to money. and if we don’t adhere to it, we’re dehumanized in the eyes of so many. it’s a looks obsessed culture and i’m 100% including myself in that. in my experience, you don’t get to be funny or smart or interesting because you’re always ugly first and foremost. cis straight men can be a whole host of things before their appearance is even brought up. i think i’ve spent my whole fucking life wanting to be beautiful and chasing all the benefits it seems to bring. mostly the acceptance. can’t remember a time i wasn’t performing for some sort of approval. i’ve always wanted to walk into a room and feel like people aren’t either pitying or laughing at me when they see me. so many times i’ve had the exact same thought as you, that it’s a curse to be who i am. the phrase ‘won the genetic lottery’ can not be understated because some ppl really did and their whole lives are easier because of it. i just know i’d be an entirely different person if i had looked ‘better’ growing up, and even now. i’m really sorry you’ve been taught to view yourself this way. i know it’s an exhausting way to live -  to feel like you just don’t have access to the things that are supposed to make life bearable. apologies if you weren’t looking for a positive spin, you can skip the rest if so. but at least when it comes to conventional beauty, the simple truth that it is all a lie (a racist, sexist, classist lie) made up to sell us things (purposefully designed to be unattainable on top of that) may eventually bring some peace. we’re all going to get old and wrinkly and live outside of these pointless societal terms eventually. and even then there’ll still be ppl who find you beautiful. and even then your existence will centre more on what you experience rather than on what you see in the mirror. those around you truly do not see you the way you see yourself. the self-disgust is taught, it’s not an objective fact. you are so much more than the ways you’ve been diminished!! sending love. x

[commajade]

hi amber!!! feel free to disregard if you want but i saw you refer to yourself as unni a few posts ago and it got me wondering - how do trans & queer koreans navigate language, especially gendered honorifics etc? i’m not korean but my mother tongue has similar gendered everyday language & i go by they/them in the english-speaking country where i live (for ease mostly) - but i still wrestle a lot with the tension there. (i also study linguistics and love how queer language can be so playful, >

> & it makes me sad that cultural imperialism means that - at least on the internet - we borrow queer language from the us at the expense of our mother tongues.) obviously don’t worry if this is too personal or just don’t wanna talk about it but it’s something i think about a lot - how trans/gnc/queer people around the world play with and redefine language, esp in diaspora - and i really vibe with your writing and opinions. sorry if this is a bit jumbled!! sending love! <3

i can't speak for anyone else but for me, i'm not a woman but when i am caring for a younger woman i am an unni. honorifics are relational always. i've seen gay men refer to themself as an unni or noona of other people and younger women in general have been using hyung for older men because of the romantic connotations around the word oppa (which is annoying for lots of ppl who have nothing else to call their actual older brother). i would assume that queer people in korea who try to be straight/cis passing just use normative honorifics and make individual decisions on what to be called by indiv people depending on their relationship. a rly nice part about korean culture is that as soon as u meet someone u do hoching jungli/호칭 정리 which is like organizing language? the equivalent of introducing urself and ur pronouns, u say like what ur position is relative to the other person (usually age) and u decide on what to call each other.

the other stuff u talk about like how playful queer language is, that's rly one of my fave topics and i wish i had more info to offer u about how it works in korean! it's just that i'm bad at keeping up with korean online slang cuz it changes so fast and my reading is a little slow.

[notsafeforbinary]

Relevant info

About me

Rill (not my real name, just a word I like the sound of)

20

transfem enby (they/them)

queer/bi lesbian/idk everyone is hot, i’m a lesbian kinda in the same way i’m not a woman but not not a woman or that i’m t4t but with rare exceptions, for instance i’ve been known to go for the occasional cis woman or trans guy and a grand total of 1 (one) cis man, idk sexuality is weird.

Polyamorous

pre-hrt, maybe hoping to make some money off this at some point to help with that but not anytime soon (and even then I’d probably give it to people free if they’re nice)

About me part 2 (TL;DR: I’m aro, autistic, and ADHD)

I’m aromantic. If you want to have a long discussion about my boundaries I’m totally open to that and in fact would love to have it, but until someone asks or I get around to making a post please just don’t talk about romance happening to me (gestures/actions/lifestyle things typically seen as romantic are fine with the exception of kissing on the mouth, that’s a no unless we’ve talked and I’ve said otherwise). Anyone spouting bullshit about sex without romance being immoral or about me not being able to be a decent human being because I’m aroallo will incur my wrath (nah i’m just gonna block you and move on lol).

I’m autistic and have ADHD, I’m already awkward as it is with nonsexual interactions and adding in societal taboos around sex can make it quite difficult for me to communicate. I will very often not pick up on hints and frequently will drop them by mistake or when trying to drop hints I may not get the message across. I won’t be offended if you say something explicitly to me that’s generally supposed to be said implicitly. I do have rsd so try to keep that in mind but if you’re a decent human being that shouldn’t be a problem too often. Also if I’m making you uncomfortable, please just tell me straight-up. I try to err on the side of caution but I’m only human. What a neurotypical person might see as a clear request to stop I might be confused by, if we’re being horny at each other I do try to make an effort to check in whenever anything changes or just periodically to make sure you’re doing okay but if I’m making you uncomfortable don’t wait for that. Hurting you is the last thing I want to do. 

Kinks (vaguely in reverse order of intensity)

cnc, watersports, degradation, somno, bondage, anything involving body fluids unique to sex, exhibitionism (only when everyone involved is consenting, which usually just means fucking in the middle of nowhere in some woods or smth)

I don’t really consider pet play or praise kinks because they’re not really associated with sex for me, though I do like them and I’m not gonna be horribly turned off if you praise me.

Tagging system

All pictures of me are #me

Currently no other things are being tagged, if you need or want something tagged let me know

DNI

Any sort of bigots/exclusionists (you know who you are), pedos, minors (or people without ages in bio), conservatives/fash, chasers

Miscellaneous

Totally cool with people sending me pictures or asking for them but say something first and I reserve the right to refuse

I love both horny and non-horny messages

Horny asks (anon or not) are encouraged

This is mostly a horny blog in theory but it turns into random stuff about being queer or things that feel too nsfw for my main even if they’re not horny or really good posts i feel like sharing sometimes so yeah

As of relatively recently i’ve become more horny on main but i’m still keeping nudity here because irl friends follow that acc, if ppl want my main acc i’ll prob give it to you if you dm me asking.

[bisexualtimothylawrence]

I agree with @ace-inclusionist and also personally feel that ‘sex’ is less an outright ‘yeah we have sex, deal with it’ and more of a... ‘as queer/LGBTQ+ people our relationships to and ways we experience sex are rejected by pericisheteronormativity, and we celebrate that’. Which would absolutely include all asexual people, regardless of their sex lives, because even an ace person who does choose to have sex is still approaching it from a different way than straight* society expects. And obviously the asexuals who don’t have sex are still not abstaining from sex in the ways that straight society approves of. (As straight people only find sexual abstention acceptable if you’re waiting until marriage or for religious reasons, not because you simply aren’t interested or are actively repulsed by sex.)

(Mind you, this is absolutely 100% my own personal take on the meaning of the pink stripe.)

*note: I’m using straight as a shorthand for pericisgender heteroromantic heterosexuals, because that’s A Lot to type. I’d use cishet but tbh cis exclusionists have kind of ruined that term for me, and I’m clarifying what I mean bc I am well aware that het trans people exist and am absolutely NOT including them when I talk about straightness.

i know ive talked about this before but we literally have no reason not to bring the original gay flag made in the 70s by gilbert baker back to regular use!

the pink stripe was simply taken away because pink fabric was too expensive to mass reproduce at the time, and the turquoise stripe was taken away for a really odd reason: for the harvey milk remembrance parade in 1979, they wanted three stripes on each side of the street and didn’t want it to be asymmetrical, so they did away with the turquoise stripe. like, they could have fixed it in some other way without removing a whole stripe, but eh whatever history’s history.

the pink originally symbolized sex and the turquoise was for magic/art and it would just be really cool if we could bring both the stripes back into regular use again since there wasn’t any significance behind the removal of the stripes and we’re perfectly capable of mass producing flags with all the stripes again!

[janiedean]

Antis are in the r*dfem cult too and it's sad how almost half of an entire generation of young queer people got recruited into that

I mean... the problem is that they infiltrated a lot of spaces when they should have been shut off since the beginning and I really just hope people wake up to how toxic and generally shit they are at some point never mind that they're nowhere near progressive, but the fact that it happened is bad and the thing is that... basically anti-ism and terfism have an entire list of shit in common starting with wanting people to conform to whatever they think is the correct way of thinking, being antikink, being anti sexwork, othering anyone who tells them they're wrong, discouraging critical thinking and mostly wanting to police what people are allowed to like or not, and like that's why all those dumbass posts that were around ages ago like 'ah op was a terf so I'm cp-ing from them so that they don't get traffic' were like the most fucking stupid thing in existence

because like sorry if I go into a rant here but point is: you can't steal stuff from a terf and presume to repost it as an opinion you share because guess what you're still sharing a rdfem opinion which is most likely not harmless - what is going to cp posts from terfs saying all men are a scum of the earth going to accomplish? it's a shit rdfem opinion that you should criticize because it comes from that side of the fence, and it's not like you can say 'ah I disagree with rdfems about trans women/trans people/being gender critical but they're right on everything else' because just that means that automatically they're cutting out of the list of ppl they care of everyone that's not a rich cis(het) mostly white woman and I put (het) in the brackets because then they preach political lesbianism and go around saying wanting to be with men is being brainwashed by the patriarchy and like... that's not a thing you can pick and choose. it's shit thinking. it's like that time I argued with one who said that going back to separate gender schools would be super feminist bc apparently girls performed better in a same gender environment and boys performed worse so it would bridge the gap in society and like

that just shows you don't know how a sexist society works bc if society is sexist it doesn't matter if a woman is more competent than a man I mean didn't the 2016 us election teach ppl anything

separated genders schools means that you don't interact with ppl of the opposite gender your age regularly every day until you're 18 and like... not to be that person but if you don't have friends of the opposite gender then how are you gonna interact with the opposite gender when you're in university? like... all these people say men should be more understanding of women but how can they if they don't talk to any that are not related to them?

where do you send trans ppl in this scenario?

what about lgbt people in general surrounded by possibly homophobic/transphobic classmates?

also those schools tend to be private in general so what if someone can't afford it?

like basically such a thing only favors (in theory) girls who are well-off, not lgbt and I dare say not non-good looking bc I can swear an all-girls school if you don't conform to whatever's the ideal is not the place you wanna spend thirteen years of your life, but hey that's feminist! because we said so! and it sounded good! yeah no, it's not feminist it's like dumbass 50s rhetoric dressed to sound feminist and it's the same for all terf crap - like you can scream that you don't like surrogacy how much you want and it's a thing that should be discussed/regulated, but someone telling me surrogacy is a travesty bc 'motherhood is a fundamental part of femininity' which is what terfs say about it means implying that if you're not a mother you're not a full woman and that if you want to be a surrogate you shouldn't which in one go negates body autonomy (bc surrogacy is also that if someone chooses to do it out of their own free will) and says that any woman who can't have children or doesn't want to isn't a whole woman, which... they might think it's a clever way to say trans women aren't women, except it cuts off each single cis woman who's sterile, every single cis woman who like doesn't want to have kids and on top of that sounds like victorian age bullshit bc what the fuck we spend the entire 20th century making the point that having children was a choice and a woman wasn't useless if she didn't have any and in 2021 we're sprouting this? like fuck that, and let's not even go into the antikink stuff because saying that if you like something in bed then the patriarchy influenced you OR it means you're not okay or whatever then it turns into whatever crap antis say about ppl being sick in the head for writing kink which is like not anything that makes any sense whatsoever and guess what you get sucked in like that and then you turn into the kind of idiot who agrees with trump/the american right wingers that you should have guards at public bathrooms to make sure trans ppl don't access the one of their gender and like.... sure, as a woman I feel so much more threatened by a trans woman using the stall next to me than by idk a guard feeling me up to make sure I'm a cis woman before I can use the bathroom, suuureeee /sarcasm

tldr: terfism is backwards right wing ideology dressed up as feminism and that people fell for it like this is a disgrace but I'm nowhere near suprised that terfs ended up recruiting antis or that antis ended up being terfs, bc it's the same kind of bullshit thinking and if you don't wonder why you're sharing the ideas of someone whose ideas you technically loathe then good luck not getting sucked in into cults like that :/