#personal feelings

[injuries-in-dust]

I haven't had a haircut since 2012.

I love my long hair, which, about now, reaches down to my waist.

But I have to admit that my hair is thin.

Sides are okay, but most hair coming from the scalp... it is thin.

My transition hasn't started yet, and may not for several more years, damn waiting list. Minimum three (which i reached this year,) but up to six years at this point.

Fuck the tories.

I always promised myself (long before I figured I was trans) that I wouldn't be one of those men (now, one of those people,) who would have a bald scalp and weak comb-over to try (and fail) ar maintaining the Illusion that I still have long hair.

I just wish I could look in the mirror and like what I see.

I wish I didn't have to deal with the problems of aging men.

I am a woman in my heart but nature gave me all of mens problems.

(Probably made worse because I didn't figure myself out until I was approaching my mid-30s)

Tall and broad body

Barrel chested

Thinning hair.

I think I have a widows peak at this point.

Hairy body. Chest, legs, arms. You name it.

I am in the wrong body for me.

I really feel I have to wait until I start taking hormones, and seeing the effects they have on me before I can even socially transition.

Because there is nothing about me that could pass as female at the moment.

And I know I've been losing hair since my mid thirties, but now I'm entering my late thirties it seems to be speeding up.

I swear I see more scalp through the follicles these days.

It's getting harder and harder to cover with volumizing products, styling, and so on.

This has mostly been a rant to just vent my feelings.

But I know a lot of ladies have short hair and are still very feminine.

Maybe I can try short hair instead of an ever growing comb-over.

Even though long hair does seem to be tied to femininity.

Most trans women in media have, at least, shoulder length hair.

Only cis-women can get away with short hair, it seems.

Maybe that's not to right way to think but it's the way I do.

I can only hope that hormones, whenever I get them, can retore some activity to the follicles of my scalp.

If nothing else, I hope that people will recommend different types of hair cuts and hair styles for me to try.

I can use an app to get a vague idea of what I would look like before I commit to the work of a stylist.

Any style that works with a person who has plus-sized features would be welcome right now.

A pixie cut is the only one I could think of right now. And I'm not totally convinced that I could pull that off.

If anyone has any other suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

[thepaladincosplays]

Today marks the one year anniversary of me starting estrogen.

My journey thus far with my HRT has been an experience, I'll say that much. My body's changing, my brain's still trying to get used to these new hormones it's experiencing, and I'm feeling much more at home with myself. I may not be where I wanna be looks wise, but I just gotta remember that these things take time.

Here's to, hopefully, another year <3

[cuppy-cake-bun]

ngl, I DO feel out of place in the shotacon tags because a LOT of the posts there are for kinky reasons. Not saying its wrong, I'm just not a shotacon for kinky reasons. Its okay for anyone to reblog anything I post for their own kinky reasons, I dont mind. I do feel like I'm taking their posts out of context if I reblog it for fandom things, hope thats alright with them if I do

[consciousmushroom]

Giving myself the grace and time to make mistakes and learn from them because I was never taught how to

[iacyper9]

In the rut of I want to write and ramble on about my legacy characters but also I don't want to come off as weird for rambling.

[not-miles]

We watch this movie every year on Thanksgiving.

I wish Dad was still here to watch it with us.

[copics-and-renegades]

Whumptober 2024 Day 31: "I'm Alive, I'm Just Not Well"

It's too much.

---

Concluding Whumptober 2024 with my general feeling all month/each day every day. I think I'm glad I did it, I would feel bad if I didn't, and at least that one Botta picture made me feel Something. Sadly, overall I can't really access my emotions these days, so I don't know for sure lol.

In all seriousness: We're in the first real-time live-streamed genocide in human history. I'm begging everyone to do whatever you think you can do to stop it. If we have hands to act, if we still have voices to speak, let's never NOT do anything. ANYTHING. Let's at least try. Please.

I'm out.

Thanks to everyone as always. I'm grateful. I'm just crushed in my soul.

[blanked007]

رديت حبيبي جاني

اشتاق لحبيبه تاني

لحبي ، لحناني

وياريتني ما رديت..

[sweetfreakingworld]

Even if we can't be together - I wish for both of us to find happiness.

- M

[edenfenixblogs]

Man it’s so good to be near family.

It’s giving me some pretty strong feelings and making me reassess a lot of aspects of my life.

Sometimes I feel like those who love me most live farthest from me.

I live in a great city but feel so alone. There’s so much to do but it’s all so hard to get to and very few people to do any of it with who I’m close to. Everything is so expensive.

But mostly, I feel like everyone in my city just tolerates me. And only one person in my actual daily life is actually there for me during this horrific, terrifying time.

People back home are literally begging me to move back and they all keep asking me to do things at every free moment. People want to spend time with me here—family and friends. People are generally overjoyed to see me here. My sister and parents are here. My bff might move back here.

When I have kids I’d want them to be surrounded by this community. What community do I have in my city? One person who I truly feel close to and otherwise a group of people who seem to just tolerate my presence. It’s…exhausting and upsetting and I don’t like missing so much of my little cousins’ lives.

The things I’ve wanted have changed so much. I moved to the city in because it was the only city where I could do what I wanted career wise. But the career has adapted and so has my goal of how I want to participate in it. But I can’t shake the feeling that it looks like I’m giving up.

It’s stupid and I shouldn’t care—especially because it’s not true—but I moved away with big plans and big goals and if I move back I will be doing so without having achieved those goals. But my goals have changed. I know more now. I can be the kind of creative person I want to be anywhere.

I also love my independence in my city. But man… the things that make it worth living there keep disappearing.

Idk. I have a lot to think about. But right now, it’s hard to see any future in my current city.

[niviferweeps]

I hate how little the people around me care about what is happening in Palestine. how can you not care about the numerous dead children? Especially when we have access to social media and can see them. I watched a man holding his dead child in his arms, sobbing. How can anyone who claims to be human watch this and feel nothing? I feel like I'm going crazy; I've only met a few people who care. My partner works for a Western news organization, and day by day, he is more depressed by their lack of adequate journalism on this issue. He is more tempted to quit as time goes on. He sees their active censorship on the topic and hates it, but he can't leave because he needs a job, and he will owe them money if he does.

People seem to think this is just gonna be like previous wars in the Middle East, but they don't seem to grasp how advanced technology is becoming and the fact that Palestinians are the test subjects for these new war technologies.

Please, I am becoming desperate by the day. We are on borrowed time, and people are sticking their heads in the sand. What else can I do? I am boycotting, attending rallies, emailing government reps, and retweeting from the people in Gaza; there must be more that I can do.

[redheadlesbianfreak]

In Breath of the Wild, Age of Calamity, and Tears of the Kingdom, Princess Zelda always feels like the main protagonist. She’s the one with the character development. She always has the most to lose. The stakes are the highest for her. She’s also a deeply interesting and complex character on top of that.

I love boy Link so much and I love playing as him. I love his design and he’s very important to me as an androgynous queer lady. But I really do think there’s so much missed potential with not having Princess Zelda be the player character in these games. It feels like it should be her! She’s the protagonist.

I can’t be the only one who feels this way. Personally, I think that both Zelda and Link should’ve been playable. Or at least some sections with Zelda in the past should’ve been playable. I get that it’s much easier said than done but it sucks how she’s absent for the majority of the game.

[persephones-journey]

Okay, truth time…

I’ve been feeling a bit low lately and not even hiding in my writing has helped…

But a stupid little thing has…

Ryan Corr liking my tweet.

Like… every time I feel sad or shitty I open Twitter (I am never calling it X) and go look at Ryan’s likes, and… there it is. And it puts a stupid smile on my face every time.

It’s so stupid but… it helps.

It’s not even the first tweet of mine he’s liked, which still makes me giddy.

I never shared on here before cause… well honestly my twitter is in my real name and I like being anonymous here on Tumblr but… I guess I just needed to talk.

Cause it has been a bit harder lately. The loss of my grandfather has finally set in.

I spent my first birthday without him.

And when Ryan liked my other tweets in May, I told my grandfather and he teased me about running off with an Aussie boy lol but this time…

I couldn’t share it with him.

Yeah, it’s stupid probably…

But it hurts. And sometimes it feels like it’ll never stop…

[asylum-inside]

No one cares about me, I might as well fucking die

[consciousmushroom]

You destroyed the person I was becoming

All our hard work is a grieving memory of future and past

So now I’ll self destruct

And hope someone new rises from the ashes