#personal favourite is the tyler dog one

[girlscoutbrownies]

Doodles from Red on Insta :-)

[saedii-gilwraeth-simp]

Okay I'm back in my feels about tydii, so here have my list of headcannons that will never die;

Saedii's hair is uncontrollable when it's not braided, bc 7 braids that don't look stringy = thicc af hair and from experience, that shit is a nightmare regardless of texture. Tyler has made the mistake of undoing Saedii's hair for her before bed and waking up with both of them tangled in it many times.

Tyler likes older music and by that I mean he is 100% a swiftie. Saedii once threatens to break up with him bc if she has to hear the chorus of Shake it Off through their mind bond one more time while he's a galaxy away she's going to punch someone in the face (possibly herself).

Saedii's a biter and vastly enjoys watching Tyler try to look all official in his AL uniform with his neck covered in bruises. Even better if she knows he has to teach younger cadets who are all short enough to see them very clearly.

Tyler gets her back by being as obviously and publicly in love with her as he can. He will call her every ridiculous pet name that he can think of and holds her hand as much as possible. Saedii claims to hate it but no one misses that she's always the slightest bit more purple in the ears when he does it.

Saedii has the ship log footage of Tyler killing the drakkon saved on her personal uni. No one is really sure why. Except for Tyler, who knows exactly why she has it (bc long distance is a bitch and it gets her going lol)

Tyler keeps a list on his uni of all of the things he likes about Saedii. He sends her one every day if they have to be long distance. Saedii's not one for super open affection, but in return she sends him photos of things that made her think of him. They're not all winners (she sent him a photo of the Great Ultrasaur after they'd had a particularly nasty fight) but the good ones make up for the bad ones (and the one she once sent him of her in her favourite bra more than made up for plenty of bad ones).

Saedii sings their kids Syldrathi lullabies, but from memory, which means Tyler is unsure if they're actually lullabies or softened versions of some weird Syldrathi death metal (some of them are but Saedii won't tell him that). Ty's not much better, he goes between rock ballads and whatever hyperpop song Scar stuck in his head last. And Taylor Swift, because he's on a mission to get his kids to annoy their mother with it.

Tyler has pretty regular nightmares after all the shit he's seen and doesn't like to talk about it with the others because he wants everyone to think he's fine. Saedii always knows and will call him in the early hours of his day so he can get everything out of his system before he has to appear all perfect.

Saedii's lieutenants are more scared of her after she gets a Be'shmai than they were before. None of them are really sure what about it makes her seem scarier, but she is. And don't even get them started on how terrifying she was when pregnant (Tyler's not sure what they're on about, according to him, she was basically a teddy bear while pregnant).

The pair of them are complete horndogs. It's actually so stupid how often they get caught doing stuff in places they shouldn't be. Scarlett is fully ready to bleach her eyeballs just so she never has to walk in on them again.

They adopt many many animals over the years they're together. A couple were pets for their kids (Tyler vetoed a drakkon for either of them, so Lae had a snake and Kal had a husky) but after the kids moved out, Saedii got a couple of drakkon and Tyler got a couple of dogs. They also have a cat, but neither are really sure how, the cat just appeared one day.

Saedii is the favourite grandmother of all of her grandkids and she's definitely not emotional and totally normal about it. To be fair, Kal and Shae's kids don't have another option, but that's cancelled out by the fact that Lae and Flora's kids have about 6 other grandmothers.

Tyler gets so hot-and-bothered when Saedii's being bossy. And he plays it off for the most part, but if she asks he'll happily admit to her that she could step on him and he wouldn't complain. Saedii also gets hot-and-bothered when Tyler's being bossy. But only when he's bossy to other people.

Anyway, add more if you want

[thepaladinstrait]

✮  IN  TRENCH  I'M  NOT  ALONE  ✮

✮  ALEX  /  FINN  ━━━ they/he/xe/it ⋆ non binary ⋆ demisexual ⋆ pansexual ⋆ minor ⋆ infp-t ⋆ type 2w1 ⋆ south aus ⋆ dog person ⋆ black cat ⋆ depressed but sometimes i'm funny ⋆ fanfiction reader and writer ⋆ purple is my favourite colour ever ⋆ permanently dehydrated ⋆ sleep deprived ⋆ hot chocolate addict ⋆ music is everything to me ⋆ angst writer ⋆ headphones on 24/7 ⋆ i live here ⋆ spotify loml ⋆ clikkie ⋆ theatre nerd ⋆ amethysts are my favourite ⋆ crystal queer ⋆ grammar nerd but i type in only lowercase ⋆ green belt in karate ⋆ slytherin ⋆ pinterest whore ⋆ i leave unhinged tags on your posts ⋆ i can rap the entirety of hamilton ⋆ fnaf obsessed ⋆ mentally ill ⋆ #1 leave the city fan ⋆ rpf writer ⋆ autistic ⋆ i infodump way too much ⋆ professional oversharer ⋆ otter lover ⋆ reputation and ttpd stan ⋆ winning at the game of dyscalculia ⋆ poet (in theory) ⋆ perpetually curious ⋆ dreamer ⋆ stargazer ⋆ high schooler ⋆ i vent a bit too often ⋆ choker and necklace wearer ⋆ procrastinator ⋆ an absolute loser ⋆ horror movie lover ⋆ true crime podcast listener ⋆ asmr defender ⋆ victim of the spelling curse ⋆ black jewellery is superior ⋆ dark chocolate defender ⋆ uno bully ⋆ i overuse exclamation marks ⋆ scaled and icy defender ⋆ i hyperfixate way too easily ⋆ sleeps with stuffed animals ⋆ drummer of ultraviolet angels ⋆ free palestine

✮  MUSIC ━━━ twenty one pilots ⋆ my chemical romance ⋆ sleep token ⋆ billie eilish ⋆ lyn lapid ⋆ ed sheeran ⋆ bmike ⋆ alec benjamin ⋆ maddie zahm ⋆ taylor swift ⋆ sabrina carpenter ⋆ we three ⋆ olivia rodrigo ⋆ xana ⋆ kelsea ballerini ⋆ conan gray ⋆ finneas ⋆ lewis capaldi ⋆ boygenius ⋆ harry styles ⋆ cavetown ⋆ gracie abrams ⋆ waterparks ⋆ dove cameron ⋆ semler ⋆ paramore ⋆ chappell roan ⋆ birdy ⋆ anson seabra ⋆ korn ⋆ ethel cain

✮  MY SONGS ━━━ achilles come down (gang of youths) ⋆ leave the city (twenty one pilots) ⋆ oldies station (twenty one pilots) ⋆ matilda (harry styles) ⋆ family line (conan gray) ⋆ illicit affairs (taylor swift) ⋆ the anonymous ones (dear evan hansen) ⋆ hurricane (hamilton) ⋆ slipping through my fingers (abba) ⋆ hope ur ok (olivia rodrigo) ⋆ another love (tom odell) ⋆ photograph (ed sheeran) ⋆ that's on me (ed sheeran) ⋆ the light behind your eyes (my chemical romance) ⋆ astronomy (conan gray) ⋆ love in the dark (adele)

✮  BOOKS ━━━ the song of achilles ⋆ nevermoor ⋆ keeper of the lost cities ⋆ the dictionary of lost words ⋆ if he had been with me ⋆ the help ⋆ girl in pieces ⋆ a good girls guide to murder ⋆ hunger games ⋆ divergent ⋆ the dead poets society

✮  MUSICALS ━━━ hamilton ⋆ dear evan hansen ⋆ six ⋆ mean girls ⋆ wicked ⋆ the addams family ⋆ in the heights ⋆ the greatest showman ⋆ jesus christ superstar ⋆ legally blonde ⋆ mamma mia ⋆ mary poppins ⋆ newsies ⋆ matilda

✮  MY CHARACTERS ━━━ charlie spring ⋆ patroclus ⋆ alexander hamilton ⋆ katniss everdeen ⋆ pippa fitz amobi ⋆ tao xu ⋆ remus lupin

✮  ALT BLOG AND LINKS AND OTHER SOCIALS

@emailsicantfuckingsend - poetry blog

discord - conjectureandgloom

pinterest

spotify

ao3

dm for personal instagram if we are close

✮  MY TAGS

me :) - random posts about me and my life

personal - personal vents. will be tagged appropriately with triggers if necessary. format for triggers will be '#tw ___'. common tw's will be self harm (tagged as sh), discussion of suicide (tagged as both sui and suicide), eating disorders (tagged as ed), and panic attacks (tagged as panic attacks)

finncore - posts that are mecore

alex /pos - daily positivity posts (currently not being done)

arch 🐾 - my dog and loml and baby, archie

five nights at finn's - fnaf posting

tag games - self explanatory

asks - self explanatory. tagged with url of asker or anon dearest

little guy clancy - my beloved little guy, catboy clancy <33

crop top ty - tyler joseph in the tulip crop top

the chronicles of crop top ty - visit this post for explanation

finn irl - photos of me :)

alex on the drooms - drums!!!!!!!

✮  NOTE ━━━ dms and discord are always open!! i love talking to new people, and i love getting new mutuals!!!! my ask box is always open to random vents or for advice, or if anyone just wants to pop in to say hey, by inbox is here!!!!! i might come off as slightly awkward though, and this is my formal apology for that. i also tend to forget that i have things in my inbox? so i'm so sorry for that too

credit to @svnflowermoon for the intro post format

[kaylinalexanderbooks]

OC Questionnaire

Thanks to @willtheweaver here, @theeccentricraven here, @paeliae-occasionally here, here, and here, @the-golden-comet here and here, and @somethingclevermahogony here!

Hey, this is somehow still not all the tags I have for this game but I'm cutting it off at eight again!

Previous questionnaires:

Round one masterpost

Round two: Tyler, Gwen, Liam, Noelle, Akash, Robbie, Sam, Ewan

Round two: Jazlyn, Carla, Wade, Rose, Maddie, Xitlali, Jedi, Lexi

Keep reading for Ash, Kelsey, Atsila, Teo, Carmen, Issa, Raissa, and Gabriel

#1- Ash

What would it take for you to admit you were wrong?

“That's a bit hard because I really don't like admitting it. It sucks. I hate being wrong about things. [Pause] I guess it has to be pretty bad. I am usually sure I'm right about a lot of things, but this drama happened last year with Shelby, and I did admit to Lexi that I was wrong about her. But that was only after this weird thing happened with her dad. I dunno. It freaked me out.”

Are you forgetful? If so, how do you remind yourself to do things?

“Admittedly a little. But I have Lexi to remind me to do a lot of things.”

Do you consider yourself a neat freak?

“Pfft, no. Hannah is. We share a room, so that sucks to be her.”

More Ash: questionnaire one, two truths and a lie, bingo, bag, origin, OC in three, interview

#2- Kelsey

Have you ever gone against your morals? What got you to or would get you to make that decision?

“Can't think of a lot of things. [Thinks] Well, occasionally I'll have a thought I don't like. Like once, when we first arrived in Alium, I got bored and frustrated, then I realized I was super worried about Maddie and my cousins, and felt bad for being bored. I dunno, actually. I like to stick by my morals. I guess I'd put my morals after my family, but I feel like having a family value is a moral. This is stupid; forget I said anything.”

Did you have any speech disorders as a child?

“I had a bit of a lisp, which definitely didn't make me a bigger target for bullying on top of my ticking. And struggling to read.”

Do you carry the popular opinion or unpopular opinion in your society? Or would you say you are on the fence or in the middle?

“I can't really think of an unpopular opinion. I guess I don't like Cheez-Its.”

Other Kelsey: OC in three, Picrew, bingo, questionnaire one

#3- Atsila

Would you do something illegal if you were getting paid a large sum of money? (You can choose the illegal thing)

“Pfft, yeah, who wouldn't? I can choose the illegal thing? Easy: my good friend Gwandoya is a speedster. He'll help me exceed the speed limit, and then we'll get a fine. And then I get a large sum of money, which makes the fine meaningless.”

What is your favourite non-human creature in the world and why? (Gods count)

“I must say dragons. My beloved Custos is a wonderful companion.”

If you were forced to kill one person you have met, who would it be. (Not yourself)

“Raissa Kamanzi, no doubt. I unfortunately have met her.”

Other Atsila: questionnaire one

#4- Teo

If you had a pet, what animal would it be?

“A dog or a fox, easily. Wade and I want to own foxes one day - they're so adorable!! And, like, K'Ehleyr is the best dog I have, like, ever met.”

How long would you like to live? Why?

“As long as I can! I want to, like, grow old together with Wade, and of course Parker. If we can all, like, die of old age, at, like, the same time, that would be just lovely. Sound minds at, like, 99. That sounds amazing.”

When will you be done?

“... Wait, that's, like, the whole question? Done with what? Life goals?? Let's go with that. I want to live a fulfilling life. Make, like, an impact on the world. Start a family. I think becoming, like, a YouTuber would be, like, awesome. And when I'm, like, done with making content, I'll be done. I guess. I hope I understood this question.”

Other Teo: questionnaire one, kiss picrew

#5- Carmen

Why did you leave home?

“Why did I agree to this interview? Ugh, I was a young adult, let's move on.”

What is your ideal job?

“I am perfectly happy where I am. [Pause. Pause. Pause.] Though I'll admit that I have wished I were apart of the Alii Power Database Council. I have a few words about organizing the subpowers alphabetically rather than rarity - since it makes it impossible to find anything unless you have the rarity memorized - but I suppose it is consistent. Working directly with the database council would allow me to gain greater funding to research the powers and certain potential subpowers.”

What will life look like when you complete your main goal?

“Wasn't this question asked to Mr. Attwood's Ceter boyfriend? Whatever, I just wish I was asked more unique questions. I hope to fulfill Atsila's wishes by completing her study on Alii from Ceteri and stopping the Refugae.”

Other Carmen: OC in three, OC in fifteen, Picrew, smash or pass, art, interview, questionnaire one

#6- Issa

Would you sacrifice yourself for another?

“Uh, yeah, duh. What kinda silly question is that? It would be wrong not to.”

How often do you daydream?

“Uh, quite often, actually. I find it so easy to be distracted.... Oops, sorry I fazed out for a second; thought of something CJ said earlier. Anyway, uh, my mind is a theater; constantly stuff is just happening up here.”

What is your favorite activity?

“Oh, I'm in musical theater! I love theater! I'm a champion at improv nights. I've also performed comedy skits there. I'm also in the art club and the debate club, and I'll attend book clubs! I also like baseball a bit, though I prefer to watch with CJ and Alex and Wendy. I'm not on a team, but maybe someday! Oh, yeah! Hanging out with my friends!”

Other Issa: questionnaire one

#7- Raissa

How many people have you killed?

“Ha-ha! I'm sorry, I had to laugh - what are you talking about? That's the dumbest way I've ever heard an interview start! How is that the first thing on your mind when you're sitting down with me? [Face hardens] Regardless, the answer to your question is irrelevant, and I find it incredibly offensive.”

Favorite type of drink?

“I am quite fond of green wine. Why do I have to answer such trivial questions?”

Do you smoke?

“... Occasionally.... This was a waste of time; I must get back to work.”

Other Raissa: questionnaire one

#8- Gabriel

What would you say is your greatest weakness?

“Tsk. I don't like to think of myself as a person with weaknesses. Cassidy says I'm too uptight. He's wrong, of course. Jaz sometimes says I'm stubborn. I think Traeger called me rude once. I suppose it is frustrating that I can't adapt to unfamiliar situations as much as I'd like.”

Who is someone in your life that you like but that you don't trust?

“Bold of you to assume I trust anyone.”

If you could magically learn any mundane skill right now (cooking, a particular dance, a language, singing, sewing, etc.), what would it be?

“Part of learning the skill is the learning itself. The process. I would rather not instantly learn a skill. However, if I must answer this question...I suppose it would be nice to just learn how to drive. I find it admittedly frustrating that knowing exactly how cars work and what to do to drive them is not appearing to help me.”

Other Gabriel: questionnaire one

Tagging @sleepywriter00 @finickyfelix @rehnwriter @dyrewrites @talesofsorrowandofruin

+ ANYONE ELSE

Your questions:

1) What is something you spend a lot of time worrying about? 2) Would you prefer to leave where your hometown and never come back or stay in your hometown and never be able to leave? 3) Do you own something to rarely/never use?

TSP intro

TSP tag list (ask to be +/-): @thepeculiarbird @illarian-rambling @televisionjester @finchwrites

@nebula--nix @literarynecromancy @honeybewrites @the-golden-comet

[y0urm4m]

INTRODUCING MYSELF PROPERLY

(after a month of uploading my writing)

┏ • ◦இ◦• ┓

My name: Gracie (Grace for short obvi lmao)

Nationality: 🇬🇧/🇮🇹

Some of my favourite things:Writing, drawing, late night drives and walking the dog.

Music artist I enjoy: (I personally enjoy a lot of artist but I’ll just name a few) Tyler the creator, Artemas, Montell fish, Childish gambino, USHER, Dominic Fike, Madison beer, Amy whinehouse e.c.t

YouTubers: Sturniolos, Jake Webber, Johnnie guilbert, Tara yummy and loads more.

Favourite season: autumn or winter (also my favourite holidays are Christmas or Halloween)

Fav movies/series’: probably old Disney films and I have no preference on series’.

(anyways if you took your time to read this I appreciate it and one again love you all! — hugs and kisses Gracie.)

┗ •◦இ◦• ┛

[savemecauseimfallin]

Is it okay to ask about your tattoos? How many do you have? What is their meaning or rather why did you chose them?

Of course! 😁

I have 11 tattoos total.

My first one is a small butterfly on my left wrist. It’s to do with self harming, the whole concept of it is if you have a problem with self harming, you draw a butterfly on your wrist and as long as that butterfly is there you don’t do it. You can name it after someone. So when I was 18/19 and in therapy for mental health and SH this was something I was doing to stop myself and it worked for the most part. So when my mum saw it and I explained it we got matching butterfly tattoos. My mum and I had this big thing for butterflies afterwards to the extent that at my mums funeral I asked everyone who attended to wear something with butterflies on it.

10 years later I catch the tattoo bug 😂

The 2nd tattoo is a line of love hearts - I asked 4 of my closest family (brother, dad, uncle and grandmother) to draw me a heart, and I traced a heart out of the last birthday card my mum gave me when I was 21, and got those tattooed.

3rd is a star constellation of Cancer, my star sign.

4th is a butterfly design on my collarbone. No real meaning other than I do still have that connection to butterflies because of my mum.

5th is a side portrait of a girl surrounded by mandalas and flowers on my left upper arm. No real meaning behind it other than I really wanted a bigger tattoo somewhere to look more badass and I definitely feel it with that. I feel like it suits my personality really well too.

6th is a small rose for both my maternal grandmother and grandfather who both passed away within a year of my mum passing.

7th is 11:11 - angel numbers, I see 11:11 everywhere and the meaning behind it resonates with me.

8th is another butterfly. It’s half butterfly wings and half flowers - just really love the design. And again its just because I love butterflies.

9th is a paw print. I had a dog called Tyler for 15 years and he sadly passed away last October. Before he passed I managed to get his paw print to keep so I’ve got that on the back of my right arm above my elbow 🐾

10th & 11th are both song lyrics. Adam Lambert is my favourite singer, has been since I was 15. The first lyric is from Runnin’ and is coincidentally my tumblr username ‘save me cause I’m falling’ and the second is ‘in nirvana stay where the dreamers lay’ from Nirvana which I’ve decided is going to be my funeral song. 🤷🏻‍♀️ they’re my all time favourite Adam Lambert songs, theyve never failed to make an appearance on my Spotify wrapped ever since they were released so I got them.

I have a few more tattoos planned for my legs. Unsure on designs yet I’m just waiting to have the money to book myself in for them - probably in the new year 😁🖤

[soft-likethesunset]

1, 12, 97 + 99 for the asks!!

JESSSS HI BABESSS

Who was the last person you held hands with?

my sister, i think. we were at the fair and didn't want to get lost, so we linked pinkies. that or my friend, when i was at my other friends birthday, and we were singing riptide together and jumping up and down.

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

ooooh, i have so many, but if i had to choose, i'd probably say maybe 'she' by tyler the creator and frank ocean, 'waterloo sunset' by the kinks, 'bewitched' by laufey, 'chiquitita' by abba anddddd maybe 'let her dance' by the bobby fuller four

97. Favourite actor?

acTOR in particular? probably andrew garfield. and i know that sounds basic and everyone says something like that, but i genuinely think that he believes in good things, and he's unafraid to stand up for them, and he's just a really good actor as well.

99. Have any pets?

i have a couple! i have my two dogs, one at my mums and one at my dads, and a couple fish and two chooks at mums as well. i love them all

LOVE YOUUUU THANKS FOR THE ASKS

[magici-if]

Hello!!! :D

I hope that you're doing awesome!!! I'm so excited for this IF, I can tell from the Vibes™️ that it's gonna rule :D (But please take your time working on it!! Gonna be excited whenever it comes out so take your time 🤗)

However, I was wondering, could I have a few crumbs of info on resident friend and ball of sunshine Harley? 🥺 I'm just so weak for soft pining and friends to lovers haha

Thanks for all you do!! ^^

hii poet ! thank u so so much for the kind words <33 this is the kind of thing that makes me wanna finish the demo as soon as possible heh

here are some Harley crumbs for u 🤲 🤲

As expected, she has friends everywhere. She is from the US, so you could mention any state and she'd prolly know someone living there.

She was always the teacher's favourite, not because she's particularly studious or anything, but 'cause she's just so nice. Like, she'll raise her hand in class when no one is answering just 'cause she feels bad; she'll talk to and befriend the new students so they feel welcomed, etc etc.

She and a few friends jam together a few times a month, but she would like to join a real band in the future.

She is allergic to both cats and dogs, but that has never stopped her from wanting one. (aw)

Harley has dyslexia.

Will she write songs about MC? It's not an if, but a when. ;)

She sings and plays guitar, bass and a little bit of piano (enough to use MIDI keyboards). She's written several songs she's produced 100% by herself, Tyler the Creator style.

Harley has a little brother who's 10 and he's her best friend and favourite person in the whole world.

She volunteers every week at a women's shelter.

She mostly uses her powers for music experimenting purposes, such as 'infusing' her music so that the listeners feel calmer, for example.

Martin always jokes that 'Harley' sounds a lot like 'härlig' (lovely/delightful/nice in swedish) which he thinks fits her so much. (agreed)

[stargirlsuicide]

⋆˖⁺‧ 🕷 ‧⁺˖⋆ ✉️ Hi! Did you miss me? It's your yapping mutual here to bring you some new questions!

◽️ What (trait) does a person need to have /do to befriend you?

◾️ Which 3 songs are you obsessed with at the moment?

◽️ What's your biggest insecurity?

◾️ When did you last eat your favorite food? What is it?

◽️ What animal do you think you could take in a fight?

◾️ What do you like most about yourself?

⋆⭒˚｡⋆ That's all for today. I hope you have (had) a wonderful day! Take care of yourself, you're loved and appreciated. And ofc no pressure to answer!! જ⁀ 🐈‍⬛🕸️ ꕀ｡˚⊹ 🦝🕯️✦

~XOXO Ana <3

omg hiiii ana ^_^

☆ honestly i just rely mostly on the vibe of the person but one thing i cant stand is people that are two faced i dont even ever talk to people that ik talk shit to abt their friends / bring them down. I just like hanging out with people that arent gonna be judgy abt the things i do or the way i am cause it honestly just ruins everything. so bare minimumn just like be chill and dont spend ur whole time talking shit abt other people.

☆ been listening to sm chappell roan but ill try to include some other stuff ive been listening to

☆ biggest insecurity is my personality and mannerisms

☆ i think maybe 2 weeks ago i went to my favourite sushi restaurant ever i think it was some type of holiday too but i honestly dont remeber if there was anything special going on

☆ fairly confident i could fight like a snake even a poisonous one, maybe a large dog if i have a good strategy

☆ my eyes ^_^

[chickensarentcheap]

Lost and Found - Chapter Two

Fandom: Extraction

Pairing: Tyler Rake and Esme Drummond  (established OFC. Although you can just read this one and know what’s going on)

Warnings: profanity, very brief mentions of kinks (choking, hair pulling, anal), mentions of drug and alcohol abuse, brief mentions of domestic abuse

Tagging: @asirensrage, @residentdormouse, @munstysmind, @themaradaniels, @tragiclyhip, @secretaryunpaid, @starryeyes2000, @youflickedtooharddamnit, @arrthurpendragon, @ocappreciationtag​, @occommunity

Link to Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43179357/chapters/110304306

TAG LIST IS OPEN!

(Why not have two headers? Am I right?)

He steals glimpses at her as he drives.  Clad in a simple blank tank and a pair of tiny denim shorts;  legs bent at the knee and her bare feet perched on her seat.  An open copy of Cosmopolitan rests against her bare thighs as she chews absentmindedly on her bottom lip;  eyes hidden by a pair of aviator shades with vibrant purple lenses.  He remembers when she’d bought them; a day trip into Broome shortly after they began the renos on the shack and they’d needed a break from the chaos.  He hadn’t been out of rehab for that long and had still been feeling the random and unexpected pangs of addiction; random moments of desperately needing even the smallest sip of booze or the high that a handful of Oxy would supply.  His mood had been all over at the time;  feeling weak for wanting to succumb to his demons yet angry that he didn’t have access to his favourite forms of escape.  And she was always the one he took it out on;  barking at her over the smallest disagreements and almost ripping her head off at even the most simple of frustrations.  Yet she’d never returned his anger with some of her own; understanding the difficulties that came with battling addiction and knowing that the demons -when in control- didn’t allow him to see things rationally and logically.   

They had stopped at one of the stores in the downtown core and she’d tried the shades on.  Turning to him with her head cocked to the side and a hand planted firmly on her hip;  looking up at him as she asked if they were ‘her’.   She’d been so cute;  those sun kissed cheeks and sunburned nose and that brilliant smile.  Her ponytail swaying from side to side as she bounced up and down on her heels,  anxiously awaiting his answer.   He’d teased her about the colour;  declaring he’d one day come home and she’d have the entire damn house done in various shades of purple.   And when she’d stuck her tongue out and swatted his ass in response, he hadn’t been able to hold back the smile;  grateful that she wasn’t taking his moodiness personally and feeling thankful for the moments of lightness and levity that she always seemed to bring to his life.

Even then…so early in their relationship…he’d known just how lucky he was.  Hell, he’d known that the second she put one foot into his life, unexpectedly showing up on his doorstep and unknowingly beginning the process of turning his entire world upside down.     While their introduction had been brief and there’d been an initial awkwardness to their  ‘getting to know you’ chat in his kitchen, he’d found himself intrigued by her. Easily drawn to the walking contradiction before him;   the juxtaposition between the weakness and vulnerability he’d perceived,   and the quiet, unassuming confidence that she exuded.  Unlike Nik who would always wander the place and shake her head and grumble under her breath about the ‘state of things’, Esme  hadn’t even noticed the large assortment of empty whiskey and beer bottles that littered the counters.  Or  the vials of Oxycontin that all but spilled out onto the table top.  And if she had, she hadn’t acknowledged them;  instead indulging in small talk about the heat and his dog as she leaned back against the sink with her arms crossed over her chest.  Flashing that killer smile as she graciously accepted the offer of a drink and noticing -for the second time in less than ten minutes-  that little spark of…something… that flooded through him when their fingertips briefly touched.    

He had tried to convince himself that he was imagining things.   Shit like that didn’t really exist; an immediate connection and attraction between two people only ever seen in movies or  heard of in storybooks. That  even if it WAS possible, it  certainly didn’t  happen to guys like him;  an alcoholic mercenary with an addiction to painkillers and a relentless death wish.   Someone like her wouldn’t give him a time of day;  a well educated and seemingly well adjusted woman would need -and deserve- someone that could provide her with more stability.   A partner that could give her the attention and adoration that she deserved; someone solid and dependable that didn’t come with mountains of baggage and a host of ghosts and demons continuously haunting them.  

 Yet while he’d been adamant to ignore what he’d felt and experienced during their short time together, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her;  embarrassed by just how much he was looking forward to seeing her again.  And finding himself -completely sober and lucid- laying in bed that night replaying their meeting; that brilliant smile and infectious laugh and the way those huge dark eyes had  sparkled up at him.  Allowing himself to venture even further; wading into dangerous territory as he recalled the way one of the straps of her tank top continuously slipped off her shoulder. And how perfectly those little jean shorts had fit. Accentuating the curves of her ass and showing off the elaborate and colourful tattoo that began at the top of her right foot; snaking up and  around her leg and ending at the back of her knee.  

Even now he feels the embarrassment; recalling how even the smallest of things had driven him completely insane and he’d found himself -desperate and alone- pleasuring himself the thought of her.  His imagination running wild;  how that little body would feel against his and how incredible being buried deep inside her would be.  What her skin would feel like and how she’d taste and how his name would sound coming out of her mouth;  a mixture of sighs and whimpers and screams.  Indulging in the thought of noises she’d make when his head was between her thighs;   her hands tightly gripping his hair and her body arching off the bed as he tormented her with fingers and tongue.   And he’s certainly never confessed to what he’d done;   feeling pathetic and ashamed that he’d allowed himself to get that caught up in someone he barely knew.  

It had been impossible to control;  sexual and the intellectual attraction coming together to make one hell of  powerful aphrodisiac. With less than twenty-four hours remaining before the start of the mission, things began to quickly unravel;  Esme successfully  tracking him down in the hotel bar after a day of team meetings and strategic planning.  Capturing his attention as she paused in the doorway of the busy establishment;  hands on her hips as she chewed on her bottom lip and her  eyes scanned the crowd.    Despite being a notorious introvert that preferred a life of loneliness and solitude, he’d experienced a rush like nothing he’d ever felt before;  a powerful mix of hope and anticipation and nervousness.  Desperately wanting to be the one she was looking for;  anxious to be alone in her company instead of surrounded by the prying eyes and ears of the rest of the team.   She’d beamed when she’d finally spotted him;  a smile that accentuated her chubby cheeks and crinkled the bridge of her nose and the corners of her eyes.  Then she’d given a tiny wave and a little bounce of the heels before heading in his direction; weaving her way through the sea of people and ignoring the countless offers of dinner and drinks tossed her way.  

And fuck, that body. The one he’d fantasized about only thirty six hours before.  A welcome and mouth watering sight; on display in a denim skirt that fit like a second skin and a tattered and worn Led Zeppelin t-shirt cut just above the navel. The thin, loose fabric slipping off her shoulders and giving a sneak peek at the thin straps of her black lace bra.   That alone had set his entire body on fire: every nerve-ending burning and throbbing and screaming for even the smallest form of relief. Forcing him to order another drink right there and then; downing it one gulp as he hoped and prayed she wouldn’t notice the stirrings of desire visible through his cargo pants.  He didn’t want to be THAT obvious;  hoping to hold onto some semblance of self-control.  She was worth more than that;  an object of lust in the eyes and the hands of a touch-starved man who hadn’t been with a woman in four months.   He’d been worried she’d think that’s all he was interested in;  a couple of rolls in the hay before everything was forced to become purely business.  And he hadn’t wanted to deal with the awkwardness that would undoubtedly come afterwards;  the uneasiness that occurs when you know someone intimately but are relegated to ‘all work and no play’. 

It had been enjoyable.  Securing  a booth at the back of the bar; tucked  away from the crowd as they shared pitchers of beer, downed shots,  and sampled local cuisine.  The booze giving him the liquid confidence he needed to be completely relaxed in her presence;  a fish out of water when it came to actually keeping company with a woman outside of no strings attached sex.   She’d enough personality for the both of them; talkative and lively with sparkling eyes and beautiful  smile and infectious giggle.  Completely unlike anyone he’d ever come across in his time on the job;  lonely women in seedy bars,  the occasional female merc from a  foreign country, mistresses of ‘marks’ that had offered themselves -sexually speaking- in favour of sparing their men.   The latter was always a mistake and not something he’s proud of; taking the ladies up on their offer but still pulling the trigger when the time finally came.  

Esme was different. Intelligent and  witty and -despite her tiny size- a  total spitfire.  Not afraid to speak her mind and always ready to vehemently defend her opinions.    So full of life.  Energetic and bubbly and always so quick with the witty comebacks and playful banter.  And that inadvertent flirting;  the way she’d twirl her hair or ‘accidentally’ brush her foot against his or how she’d tilt her head to the side and give a sly yet beautiful smile.   

She’d also been genuinely curious about HIM; avoiding ‘job talk’ in favour of peppering him with more personal questions.  Listening intently as he talked about growing up in Australia  and his love for surfing,  his career in the army and his time with SASR. Somehow surviving the gruelling and punishing training and then serving numerous tours throughout Iraq and Afghanistan.   Holding back pieces of pertinent and possibly damaging information; the truth behind his departure from the military and his switch to mercenary work.  Trust didn’t come easily to him, and while he felt comfortable with her in a way he’d never felt with anyone else,  he also felt the need to protect both himself and HER.  He hadn’t lived a good life;  he’d taken lives -whether deserving or not- for nothing more than a pay check and he’d made horrible decisions and hurt those he’d loved and who had loved in return.  And he’d not only been worried about offering up too much, too soon,  but had been afraid to see  disappointment and disgust in her eyes.

They’d come so close; teetering on the edge of abandoning not only all of their worries and concerns, but every ounce of self control.    His much taller and heavier frame pining hers against her hotel room door; feeling the warmth that radiated from her body and the press of her hard, inviting nipples through the fabric of her shirt.  Despite his past sexual promiscuities,  he couldn’t remember wanting someone THAT badly;  a need and a hunger that was so profound and all consuming that all rational thought and logic seemed impossible.  Spurred on by the way her hands clung to the front of his shirt and those enormous dark eyes looked up at him;  filled with longing and desire that clearly matched his own.   There was no bigger turn-on; knowing that someone like her -so beautiful and intelligent and stable- wanted him just as much.   

But the universe had other ideas.  Other plans.   And just as he accepted her proposition and their lips briefly touched, his conscience intervened; reminding him that she was worth way more than just being a notch on his bedpost. He felt…things.    Stirrings that went far beyond just the sexual; an attraction not just to her body but to that enormous personality and compassionate mind.   He couldn’t do that to her;  spend the night delivering -and succumbing to- the thralls of pleasure without being able to promise so much more.  He wasn’t good for her and could never be the kind man that she needed and deserved; a drug and booze-addicted mercenary with numerous layers of baggage and a death wish.

That’s why he walked away.   The knowledge that he could never give her more.  He could try.   He could devote days, weeks, and even months to being the kind of partner and friend she desired.   And maybe they would have a good thing;  a fairly stable relationship and a commitment they could build on and strengthen.   But he’d only hurt her in the end.   He’d fail at keeping himself clean and sober and she’d be left heartbroken and disappointed.    

That’s why he walked away.  Opting to break his own heart in favour of protecting hers.

It HAD been temporary, however;  their argument in Dhaka opened up floodgates that neither was able to control.  And when it became readily apparent that he couldn’t scare her away, he’d momentarily hesitated in going further; telling her that once it started…THEY started…he wouldn’t be able to stop. In response, she’d reached under his shirt and dragged a nail across his stomach; following the top of his pants from hip to hip before settling on his belt buckle.

“I won’t want you to.”

And no sooner did those words escape her mouth, the last of his resolve finally crumbled.   

*****

“You keep staring at me,” Esme playfully scolds.

“Admiring. Not staring.”

Tilting her head to the side, she smiles and reaches out to rest a palm upon his thigh.  The way he immediately reciprocates causes butterflies  to spring to life within her stomach;  heart swelling when he drops a hand from the wheel in order to push his fingers through hers.   It’s those simple, little things that often say so much;  the kisses pressed to her cheeks and her temples,  the fingers that comb through her hair,  the strong arms that wrap around her from behind and tuck her against a warm, solid chest.  Being around him and enjoying his company comes so easily;  the comfort that one feels when in the presence of an old, trusted friend.  So many enjoyable moments.  The car rides spent chatting and listening to music or the prepping dinner side by side.   The early evenings out on the front with coffee and tea; sitting on the edge of the deck as they watch the sunset.  Those chilly nights spent in front of the fire; wrapped in each other’s arms in the confines of a tightly zipped sleeping bag.  The content of having someone to fall asleep next to and wake up with;  the sound of their breathing and the press of their body against yours.  And  the sharing of  sleepy good morning smiles and long, lazy kisses)

“What’cha reading?”

“An article about kinks. The stuff that is the most  ‘in’ right now.  And you know, I’m not usually one to kink shame and judge what folks  do in the bedroom,  but  I’m actually starting to worry about some people. Unless…”  Balancing the magazine on her thighs, she reaches across her body for the bottle of water in the cup holder between the seats and takes a swig. “...I’m just getting really vanilla in my old age.”

“There is nothing vanilla about you.  Not in the slightest.”

“Maybe not now. But I was such a sweet,  innocent little bean when I met you.  And then you just went and seduced me and corrupted me and…”

Tyler scoffs.  “You are definitely not vanilla. And you’re not old. You JUST  turned thirty.”

“That’s old.”

“If that’s old, what am I?  I’m going to be  thirty-six.”

“Four years away from forty?”  She casually flips a page in her magazine. “That’s ancient.”

“Do you want me to pull over to the side of the road and kick you out of the truck? You wanna walk?  Because it’s a long way in either direction, believe me.”

Laughing, she drops his hand in favour of reaching for his face;  skimming her knuckles along his unshaven jaw.  “You’d never.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“There’s nothing  wrong with getting old. I mean look at you…”   She playfully tugs at some of the short, wiry hair that graces his face. “...rocking all that gray.”

“Excuse you? Gray?  Where are you seeing gray?”

“Here…”   She taps a fingertip against his chin and then runs a nail across his cheek.  “Here.  And…”  She rubs at his temple.  “...a little bit here.”

“You really DO want to walk, don’t you.”

“Like I said, you’d never kick me out.  Not out of the truck, not out of the house. And especially not out of bed.”

Grinning, he reaches over to pluck the bottle of water from her hand and takes a swig.  “I may not be the smartest guy on earth, but not I’m not a total dumbass.”

“I don’t see what the big deal is,” Esme muses, and slides her hand to the back of his neck;  lightly and repeatedly scratching at the bottom of his hairline.  “With having gray hair.   It looks good.  Damn good, actually.”

“It’s bad enough that I FEEL eighty some days. Do I really have to look like it?”

Rolling her eyes, she turns her attention back to her magazine.   “You don’t look THAT old.”

He stares at her pointedly. 

“You don’t look old. At all.  You look your age.  And there’s nothing wrong with that. The same way there’s nothing wrong with having gray hair.  Gray hair is sophisticated. Debonair.   And…to some women…incredibly sexy.”

“Are you including yourself in that group? When you say ‘some women’?”

“I happen to find your gray hairs insanely hot.  Especially the ones in your beard.  Trust me, when I point them out? I’m definitely NOT complaining.”

“Hmmm…”   He runs a palm over the side of his face. “...maybe it’s not so bad after all.”

“You know…”  She adjusts her position in her seat; crossing her legs and placing her feet in her lap.   “...it’s kinda cute.  How even the toughest and meanest enjoy compliments and validation.”

“Who you calling cute?”

“That’s what you’re offended by? Being called ‘cute’?  You have an aversion to that but don’t mind being called mean?”

“I know I’m mean.   Or at least I can be. If someone deserves it.  But ‘cute’?  There’s no way in hell I’m cute.  Cute is for kittens and puppies and babies.  Not for guys like me.”

“Oh I’m sorry.   I’m sorry being called ‘cute’  upsets your delicate sensibilities. Mister Big, Bad, Mercenary Man.”

He smirks. “That’s better.”

“For your information, I happen to find you very cute. At times.  It’s not twenty hours  a day, seven days a week thing with you.  But you DO  have your moments.  And I happen to like them.   I enjoy that side of you.”

“I’m not sure if you’re making this any better, or…”

“I get to see you in ways other people don’t.  In ways you don’t probably don’t even see yourself.  We live together.  We have this nice little existence; where you don’t have to always be on guard and you don’t have to live up to the image people have of you.  You can just be yourself with me.   And here’s a lot  more to Tyler Rake than a lot of folks  realize.”

“All good stuff, I hope.”

“Very good stuff,�� she assures him.   “You’re a different Tyler away from the job.  Especially when it’s just the two of you.  You’re comfortable being  yourself when it’s just me around.  You’re attentive and sweet and you spoil me every chance you get.  You’re a softer version of you.”

He frowns.

Esme huffs in exasperation. “You’re impossible.  There’s nothing wrong with being those things.  It isn’t going to emasculate you, you know. You’re not going to lose your balls just because you show your softer, gentler side.   Just because people have bought into the stories and have made you out to be some kind of robotic killing machine, doesn’t mean it’s true.   You’re not any of those things.   Whether you want to believe it or not.”

“It’s what I do.   Kill people.”

“It isn’t what you do. Sometimes it’s PART of what you do.  Not every job involves having to kill someone.  You’re not a monster, Tyler.  Regardless of how you see yourself. Do you really think I’d be here if you were? Do you really think I would have caved in  Dhaka if you were a terrible person? Would I have stuck around?  Made a life here?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you just have shitty taste in men. I mean, from what I know about your ex…”

“Perhaps my past choices weren’t the greatest.  But choosing you? A life with you? Smartest move I’ve ever made.   Things are good.  Not perfect, but good. Really good, actually.   I know it hasn’t been the easiest six months and that we’re still learning how to co-exist under the same roof and we’re still discovering a lot about each other, but it hasn’t been horrible. Far from it.”

“I don’t know. The way you hog all the blankets and talk in your sleep…”

“I am not taking criticism from a man who snores like you do.  And if I almost fall into the toilet at three am one more time…”

“I keep you on your toes, munchkin. I keep you young.”

“You give me gray hair and anxiety is what you do.  Maybe even an ulcer.”

“But you stick around. I notice you don’t leave.”

“Because I know how miserable you’d be without me.  And  I want to spare your delicate feelings.”

He smirks.

“And I suppose I hang around because I’d miss you.  Because I’d be miserable without you.”

“Aww look at you…”  he chides,  and reaches out to run a palm  over her hair.  One of those small yet meaningful forms of affection; a man that’s gone so long without meaningful physical touch and the purest forms of intimacy that he often struggles to initiate or accept it.  “...getting all  sappy and shit.”

“Don’t push your luck.  Even with your soft side and your occasional cute ways, you’re  still an enormous pain in my ass.”

“Take it as a compliment.  That I’m such a challenge.  That I can’t think of anyone else in this world I’d rather annoy for the rest of my life.”

It rolls so casually off his tongue that she initially wonders if she’d imagined it;  such a subtle admittance of the things that he’s been feeling and thinking.  An unassuming way of letting her know that he’s ‘all in’; the profession of craving something long term. Permanent.  Combined with their earlier conversation revolving around possible career changes, it nurtures her budding confidence;  giving strength to the whispers inside of her that want so desperately to confess her love for him.  But that worry still remains;  the intense fear of rejection and humiliation. Years ago Mark had destroyed every ounce of her self-confidence; tainting not only her view of herself, but of love and relationships in general.    And while logically she knows that Tyler is nothing like Mark and trusts he would never hurt her,  the hesitancy still remains.   Proof that sometimes,  the internal wounds and scars are far worse than what’s left on the surface. 

“So what does it say?”

Esme blinks.  The sound of his voice snapping her out of her reverie.  “What?”

“The article. About the kinks.  You never told me what it said.”

“Oh…”  She chews on her bottom lip and twirls a strand of her around her index finger as she turns her attention to the magazine in her lap.  “...well…you’ll be happy to know that under normal circumstances, we’re actually considered relatively kinky.   We’re able to check off four of the top seven. And according to the answers I circled, we  also apparently have a very  healthy dom/sub relationship; we are both big into consent and we employ safe words while enjoying choking, being tied up,  spanking, and hair pulling.”

“You mean YOU enjoy things. Being done to you.”

“You’re also a ‘soft dom’.”

“What does that mean?”

“Basically, you’re not a sadist and you don’t get off on humiliation and degradation.  You’re aggressive and in charge, but at the same time you give praise and you’re attentive and caring.  Like yeah, you’re okay with the choking and the hair pulling, but at the same time you’re telling me I’m beautiful or I’m a good girl.”

“So that’s a good thing?”

“A very good thing.   It’s healthy.  For us, anyway. Considering things that have happened in the past…”

“Which doesn’t need to be talked about.”  

There’s a lingering rage;  a deep and powerful hatred for a man he’s never met but would love to choke the life out of.  In the same way he’d opened in Dhaka about his son’s battle with cancer and the horrible decision he’d made near the end, she’d been nothing  but raw and honest with him.  Detailing her marriage to a complete monster; subjected to horrific beatings and barraged daily with vile, degrading names.  Twice he’d put her in the hospital. First, a three-day stay with busted ribs and bruised kidneys and then four-week stint; two of those in the ICU with a bleed on the brain and shattered jaw, busted ear drum, and various cuts that had needed stitching.  She’s too good for that;  too beautiful and compassionate to be settling for a man that doesn’t even come close to deserving her. And there are many times he questions  his own worth;  wondering just what the hell she is ever doing wasting her time with the likes of him.   

“We’re not as freaky as we could be,”   she says,  and he’s thankful that she’s steered herself away from the painful stroll down memory lane.  “According to this, anyway.”

“Is it a level of freaky we want to be at or…?”

“Depends.”

“On?”

“What’s your opinion on pissing on someone? Or having someone piss on you?”

He briefly glances over at her. “What?”

“The old golden shower. It’s growing in popularity. More and more people are into it.  What do you think about it?”

“I think it’s fucking gross.  Why the hell would I want someone to piss on me? Why would I want to piss on them? Wait…”  He frowns.  “...is this your way of telling me you’re into that sort of thing? ‘Cause if you’re hoping it’s going to happen, I’ve got some bad news for you.”

“No! God no! Totally not my thing.  Like I said, I don’t normally kink shame.  I don’t care what other people are into it.  But if someone ever even thought about peeing on me?  They’d die a very painful and gruesome death.”

“Good. Because if you ever ask me to do something like that…”

“So I take it you won’t ever be…relieving yourself…on me?”

“Fuck no.  What is wrong with you? We’ve been together for six months.  Half a year.   Have I ever asked to do anything even remotely close to that? “

“No. But you could be just biding your time.  Being on your best behaviour for as long as possible. Until you nail me with something like that.  You could be a really dirty bastard and I won’t  find out about it for a year or two.   We’re talking even dirtier than you already are. You could be hiding some really weird shit from me.”

“You could be hiding some from me.  How do I know you’re not going to one day want to stick one of those plug things up my ass? You know, the ones with tails on them.”

She grins devilishly. “Would you like me to one day stick one of those up your ass?”

“No.  I wouldn’t.  So if you’ve got that in that beautiful but twisted little head of yours…”

“I promise the only thing I will ever put in your butt is a finger. Or two.   Because we both know how much you like when I’m…”

He scowls. “Esme…I swear to God…”

She throws her head back as she laughs, then reaches out to snatch the ballcap from his head.  “You’re too much,” she declares, and pulls the hat down over her hair.  “And you say I get embarrassed easily? Look at the big, bad, mercenary man…”  She trails a fingertip along the outer edge of his ear.  “...blushing like hell over the mere mention of a butt plug.”

“I don’t blush.”

“Sure you don’t.  There’s no reason your cheeks and the tips of your ears are turning the most beautiful shade of pink.”

Chuckling, he pushes her hand away from the side of his face.  “Fuck off.”

“You’re way too cute, Tyler Rake.   Despite what you say.”

“You know, you’re awfully lucky YOU’RE cute. You know that, yeah? Because if you weren’t…”

“What would you do? If I wasn’t?  What would you do about it?  Nothing. And you know why? Because you’d be miserable as fuck without me.  You’d miss me.”

“Yeah…” A slow grin spreads across his face, and he once more takes her hand in his; squeezing tightly before setting them on his thigh.   “...I would.”

****

They find a reasonably priced hotel overlooking the beach;  a quaint and clean room with two double beds and a small balcony and heart shaped bathtub.  A far cry from the accommodations they’d stayed at in Dhaka;  a squalid place with a broken air conditioner and a toilet that didn’t flush properly and a shower too small for him to actually stand under.    Mismatched furniture and stains on the walls and ceiling;  a kitchenette filled with chipped and broken plates and glasses and rusted cutlery and a stove with only one working burner.   And the noise from outside;  the honking of horns and the chattering and yelling of hundreds within the market area.   Yet as miserable as it had been, they’d found a way to make it bearable;  two broken and hurting people losing themselves in each other and finding a remarkable level of solace and acceptance.  

He reminisces  about that crappy little hotel room now, as he stands in five feet of water.  holding onto a surfboard they’d rented nearly an hour before.  Esme’s idea after she spotted the stand as they walked along the beach; knowing of his love for the sport and expressing enthusiasm at the idea of him giving her a lesson. But it’s Dhaka that haunts his thoughts;  resurfacing at the times he feels the most content and relaxed.  And he thinks of the most mundane and unusual things;  of the pipes that shook and screamed whenever the water was turned on and the strong smell of vehicle exhaust that would waft up from the street.   

And her hands.  So small and so soft.  Nails raking across his shoulders and down his chest and back.  Gentle fingers exploring the various scars that littered his body and tracing his numerous tattoos.   The way they’d brush those longer strands of hair off his forehead and out his eyes.   Always so tender;  an affection and an adoration that he’d long been starved of. If he’d  ever experienced at all. 

“I’m not very good at this,” Esme laments, coughing and sputtering as she resurfaces;  shoving wet strands of hair away from the sides of her face and out of her eyes.

“I didn’t expect you to be. You’ve never tried surfing before.”

“But I can’t even stay up for more than ten seconds!”  Placing her hands on his shoulders, she uses them for balances as she climbs back onto the board. “I thought I’d be better than this. I mean, I HAVE snowboarded. I’m from Colorado! Same thing, right? Just switch the snow for the water and…”

“I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been snowboarding.”

“We’re going to have to change that.  Maybe we’ll take a trip.  Like we talked about. In Dhaka. About how you’d come to Snowmass to visit me.”

“A lot‘s changed since we had that conversation.  You deciding to stay here,  us living together, talking about moving and buying a house. Not to mention there’s the whole me nearly dying thing.”

“That is definitely not a highlight I’ll include in the ‘year round up’ that I always include in my Christmas cards. “

“Oh Christ. You’re one of THOSE people.”

“And I’m damn proud of it. Nothing wrong with being a little ‘extra’.   I always wanted to be one of those moms that go all out at Christmas.  Right down to the matching onesies.”

“THE CIA could torture me for years and I still wouldn’t submit  to that.”

“You know, there are some people that have more power than the CIA.”

“Yeah? Like who?”

“Little brunettes with big brown eyes, tongue piercings, and smoking hot butts.”

“That’s a hell of a list. Where do I find someone off it?”

Scowling, she uses her foot to shovel water onto his face and chest.   “Asshole.”

“I will admit..”  His palms  slide up the back of her calves and thighs and then settle on her ass;  winking as his fingers dig through the fabric of her swimsuit and into the supple wish. “...you do have a really nice ass.”

“Just really nice? How insulting.  You certainly were calling it way better than that last night.   I seem to remember you being a little… worked up… and saying it was…and I quote…fucking amazing.”

“In my defence, you had me at your mercy.  Bent over the kitchen table like that?  Black lace thong?  You’re an evil genius.  You know exactly what you’re doing. At all times. You know how to get what you want.”

“Wrapped around my little finger, baby.  Those are the powers I’m talking about. That make me more powerful than any government agency or bad guy you could ever come across.  Won’t wear onesie pyjamas, huh? We’ll see about that!”

“You’re going to be one of those women that make me pose for pictures wearing that shit, aren’t you?  The whole house will be wearing the same thing;  me, you, the kids, the dog.”

She tries to play it off; as if the implication that he’s been planning for  the long term doesn’t excite her.  A by-product of her ex stripping away every ounce of self-confidence and trust she ever had;  the constant questioning of a person’s actions and words. Even when they ARE blatantly obvious.  “You’re planning on keeping me around for that long, are you?”

“Like I told you half a year ago. When you asked how long you could stick around for. You can stay as long as you want.”

“You also said ‘that’s okay too’.  When I asked ‘what if I never want to leave?’”

“And I meant you. You don’t have to go anywhere.  So unless you’re planning on cutting ME loose…”

“Not anytime soon,”  she teases, and uses a foot to ruffle his hair.    “And yes; I’m expecting you to wear a Christmas onesie.  And you’ll do it and you’ll love it. Every second of it. Want to know why?”

“Why?”

“Because you know the reward will make the temporary suffering worth it.”

“If the reward you’re talking about includes both of us naked or you on your knees in front of me…”

“What else would I be talking about? Like you said; I know how to get exactly what I want.”

“What you don’t know how to do?”   He gently moves her feet further apart, then grips the backs of her calves. “Is hold your balance.”

She scowls. “Am I really THAT bad?”

“Let’s put it this way; I admire your enthusiasm and your resiliency.”

“Don’t be such a knob!  I can do this!  I can learn!  Maybe not today, but I’m sure if we keep trying, I can get the hang of it. Make you proud.”

“Baby, you even being willing to try makes me proud.  The fact you wanted to do this? And that you’re this excited about it? Even when you do keep falling off?  I’m pretty damn proud.”

“It’s something you love.   Why wouldn’t I want to learn?  It’s something we could do together.”

“Yeah…”  He smiles up at her, and slowly and carefully releases his grip on her legs.  “...we could.  I’d like that.”

“I know you hate hearing this, but…”  Her hands resort to tightly clutching his hair in order to stay upright on the board.  “...you can be such a cutie.”

“I’m going to pretend I never heard you say that.”

“And here other people think you’re nothing but big muscles and meanness and…”  

 She loses her balance as a small, gentle wave rocks the board beneath her feet; losing the grip on his hair and shrieking as she again topples backwards into the water.  Already giggling when she breaches the surface;  hands frantically pushing wet hair away from her face and out of her eyes.   She’s never been more beautiful;  the sound of her laugh, water glistening on her deeply tanned skin, and the sunburn on her cheeks and nose causing her freckles to become more pronounced.  Possessing a ‘girl next door’ adorableness not expected of someone who has fought the battles she has; a youthful innocence that not even her nightmare of an ex could strip her of.  

“I DO really stink!”  She laughs as she swims towards him;  treading water as she rests her forearms on the surfboard. “Like really badly!”

“Rome wasn’t built in a day.”  Resting an elbow on the board,  he reaches across with his free hand to smooth down her hair.  “Took me a long time to learn. Even to get used to standing up for more than ten seconds.”

“Bullshit. I refuse to believe it. Everyone knows that Australians are born knowing to surf.”

“That’s a lie.  We have to learn to surf. We’re only born  knowing how to wrestle crocs and punch out sharks.”

“Speaking of sharks…” She glances down at her feet; bubble gum pink toe nails shimmering in the water.

“Shark spotters will see them before they get anywhere near you.  And if something does go wrong and they do get that close? Don’t worry. I’ll choke a shark out for you.” 

“My hero.” Leaning across the board, she pecks his lips. “My knight in shining armour.  Or should I say ‘slightly tarnished armour’.”

“I like that a little better.  But it’ll have to be a small shark.  Not like a great white.  Or a hammerhead. Or anything like that.  Like a baby shark.”

Laughing, she scoops up a handful of water and tosses it into his face.  “For someone so cute, you can be such a shit head.”

“You’ve  called me that twice today. In the span of five minutes.”

“But I’ve thought about it a dozen or so times.  Listen, you can play the big, bad mercenary card for everyone else, but not for me.  I live with you.  I share a bed with you. I know all your little quirks. How big of a softie you can be.”

“And you’ve already been sworn to secrecy. Because if any of that ever gets out…”

“I know…I know. You have a reputation to uphold.  I will take your precious secret to the grave.  Or wait sixty years and then leak the proof to everyone we know.  You know, kinda like the files on who killed JFK.  Anyone involved will be dead and  no one can be held accountable. Or embarrassed.”

“I promise you that if things  get out even then, I’m coming back and haunting your ass.”

“Oh please. The only reason you’re coming back to haunt is because you like it so much.  It’s a nice ass.  A great ass, even.  You like looking at it and touching it. And doing things to it.”

“You’re lucky this water is as chilly as it is. ‘Cause talking about your ass like that…”

“Don’t worry. When we get back to the room, I’ll help you out with your shrinkage.  Make it all better.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

“I hope you do.”    

Kissing him once more,  she giggles when he prevents her from pulling away; fingers tangling in her dark, wet tresses as he deepens and intensifies things.   Until they’d met, she’d never been kissed like that; as if each one is better than the last and he can’t get enough of her.   Whether it be those sleepy kisses first thing in the morning or the frenzied and hungry in the midst of passion, no two are ever the same and she never tires of them;  the press of his body against her and the taste and the feel of his lips and the smell of his skin.

“You know, I was thinking…” Resting a forearm on the surfboard, she places her chin on top of it.  “...it would be really nice.  To be able to do stuff like this more often.  It’s fun. Doing things like this with you.”

“I’m just glad to have someone to do this shit with.   Not the same; doing it on your own.”

“I think you were a lot lonelier than you’ll actually admit to.  Before I came along.”

“My life certainly was a lot more boring. And a lot quieter. Not to mention  there was a lot less hair in my shower drain.”

She gives a derisive snort.   “And people say romance is dead!”

“It’s been…nice.   Having someone around.   Seeing their stuff all over the place.  Just knowing they’re there.  I don’t know…”  He loops hair behind one of her ears, then the other.  “...you know I’m not good with this kind of stuff.   Feelings. Words.  Words about feelings.”

“Well I’m just  happy you want to share things with me.  You love to surf.  What a better way to get to know each other more, right? Share the things we love.   I wish I was better at it, but…”

“Stick with me kid.  I’ll have you on your own two feet in no time. At least for a few seconds, anyway.”

“Who knows I could be a prodigy.  Once I get used to it. I could be a regular Kathy Slater.”

Tyler frowns.  “That’s Kelly Slater.  And it’s a guy.”

“Then a female version of him!  Once I get my balance, I could be a natural! I could be a pro!”

He stares at her pointedly.

“Okay…”   Esme  laughs.  “... maybe not. But staying up for thirty seconds would be nice.”

“You’ll get there.  Takes a while.  Practice makes perfect.”

“I also don’t have any Australian in me.  I bet there’s something in the blood. That makes you such a good surfer.”

“Baby. in the past six months,  you’ve had plenty of Aussie in you.”

“You’re disgusting!”

“In all the ways you like best.  But I agree with you.   It would be nice. To do more of this.  But living where we do…”

“We’re  going to have the ‘we should move sooner than we anticipated’ talk again, aren’t we.”

“We can’t exactly do things like this where we’re living.  This is the closest beach with the best surf and it’s  almost a five hour drive.   Can’t be making that all the time.  If we lived closer…”

“But can we afford it?  To move this soon?  We both agreed that we needed a little more money before we could.  And you haven’t gone back to work yet and you’re not one hundred percent. I don’t want you going back too soon because you think you NEED to.”

“We’re not broke.  There’s still money in the bank.  Not a lot, but it’s there.  And I’ve got some credit left. Again, not a lot, but…”

“I’ve still got a bit.  And I don’t mind using it.  Especially for something so important.”

“And if worse comes to worse and we’re a bit short, I can talk to Nik. She can give me a loan. A pay advance, even.  On my first job back.”

“I just don’t want you going so hard core right off the bat.  That’s what worries me.  That you’ll get in too deep, too fast…”

“I already promised you I wouldn’t, didn’t I?  I know my limits.   I’ll slowly get back into things. Slowly but surely.”

“And you really think we could pull this off?  Moving so soon? You really think we’d be okay?”

“I do. Or I wouldn’t bring it up.”

“I would be nice,”  she gives a wistful sigh.  “Living closer to things.  Restaurants and grocery stores and shops to browse in.  And I wouldn’t mind being close to the beach.  It would be nice to come here more often.”

“We’ll check things out tomorrow.  See what the market is like. If there’s a little house we can afford. If not, we might have to start with an apartment and go from there.”

“I don’t care where we live.  As long as we’re together.  Apartment. House. Doesn’t matter. I just want to be with you.”

Smiling, he presses a kiss to her forehead. “And you call me sappy?”

“You’re by far the bigger sap out of the two of us. And I can’t help it.  Feeling all ‘loved up’.   I mean, it’s your fault, you know. Making me feel that way. You’re always looking at me like I’m the most beautiful, sexiest woman in the world and…”

“Because you ARE.”

“...you make me feel seen and heard. And important.  Things I haven’t felt in forever.  If I’ve ever actually felt them at all.   You know how you say you’re not good about talking about these things? Well, I’m WAY too good at it.  Good enough at it for the both of us.  Which  means I always end up hurt. Because I say too much and I put too much into things and into people and I…”

“You’re not going to get hurt.  I’m not going to hurt you. I know I’m not perfect. By any stretch of the imagination. But I also know I’m not like THAT.  At least not anymore.  I meant what I said. In Dhaka. About you making me want to be a better man.”

Tears sparkle in her eyes.  “That is still the most beautiful thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“I’m not your ex husband, Esme.   I’m never going to be him.  I’m not in this to hurt you. I’m in this to love you.”

She blinks. “What?”

“What?  What did I say?”

“You said that word. THE word.  You know the one. The BIG one.”

“You’re surprised that I did or…”

“I just…I don’t know…I guess deep down I knew you did.  You’re always finding ways of showing it, even if you never say it.   But then there’s a part of me that dwells. On the worst case scenario.  That tells me I’m reading too much into things and I’m just seeing what I want to see and that there’s no way that someone like you could love someone like me and...”

“Someone like you?  Isn’t it the other way?  Someone like you wanting to be someone like me?  I’m a bigger mess than you. By far.  A lot more broken.”

“You’re not broken, Tyler. You’re just bent.  Maybe a little more than I am.  But you’re definitely NOT broken.   If you were, you never would have gotten as far as you have.  After Dhaka.  You would have given up a long time ago.”

“You’ve given me a reason not to.  Someone to come home to.   Someone to have a life with. A NORMAL life. Or our version of normal, anyway.”

“So you really do?  You know…the word that you said…”

“Do I really love you? Yeah.  I do.   I’ve just been too chicken shit to admit it.  Like I said, I’m not good at this stuff.  Talking about this kind of thing. Guess  I was hoping I was making it obvious in other ways.  So I could give myself the time to get up the nerve to tell you.”

She reaches across the surfboard to brush wet hair out of his eyes. “What were you scared of?”

“I’m not actually sure.  Guess I was worried that it was all too good to be true. Having someone like you interested in a guy like me.   I’m not actually a prize, Esme.  Look at all the bullshit I come with.  The drinking, the meds…”

“Two things that you’ve beaten,” she reminds him.  “You went to rehab.  You’re sober.  You’re clean.”

“Once an alcoholic and a pill junkie, always an alcoholic and a pill junkie. There’s always going to be that ‘what if’.   What if something goes wrong?  What if I fall off the wagon? What if I can’t stay clean?”

“Everyone has slips.  I’m not expecting miracles. I know it’s going to take a lot of work. To stay on the straight and narrow. But that’s what I’m here for. To help you.  You’re not in this alone.”

“Guess I was worried it would just all be too much. I’D be too much.  Guess I was scared of saying the words because it meant I really was going ‘all in’.  There’s no turning back after you say those things.   And I’d feel like a complete fucking prick if I said them and months or years down the road turned out to be the worst thing that’s ever happened to you.”

“I would never…EVER…think that.  Tyler, I knew what I was getting into. All the way back in Dhaka. I knew who you were. What you did for a living. In the same way I knew the things you were battling. You were nothing but honest with me about everything.  The drinking and the meds and your son.   I knew all of it and I still stayed. On the bridge.  And I came here.  Believe me, if I had thought you were too much, I would have been long gone,  a long time ago.”

“Maybe that’s part of it too.  Something I think about it. If I do fucked up and become too much…”

“I’m not going anywhere.  I’m here.  I’m ‘all in’ too.”

Smiling, he pushes his fingers through hers and brings their joined hands to his face; placing a soft, feathery peck to the inside of her wrist.

“I have a good feeling about this.  About us.  A very good feeling.”

Leaning in, he presses a kiss to her lips.   “So do I.”

[beefyballs123]

☆

Aya headcanons!!!!

˖‎♡‧₊˚⋆˖‎♡‧₊˚⋆˖‎♡‧₊˚⋆˖‎♡‧₊˚⋆˖‎♡‧₊˚⋆˖‎♡‧₊˚⋆

Some of these might be inaccurate, so I'm sorry about that!!! By the way, sorry for disappearing 🙏😿

*⁠♡✧*

She would go absolutely crazy for anything sanrio related. She doesn't have a favourite, she loves all the characters (unequally, but still)

She draws moles on her face. Either near her eyes, or like one Marilyn Monroe had.

She takes HOURS to get ready. She always has to go last into the bathroom, when it comes to getting ready for anything (with her family).

Always had to take care of her cousins, and / or siblings during family reunions. She acts like she hates it, but actually enjoys it a lot, despite it getting tiring at one point.

Because she takes care of her brother's often, she's quite good with kids.

She definitely owns A LOT of keychains. And definitely would sometimes attach one to her phone case.

She's a heart girl. Give her a piece of paper, and it's going to be filled with hearts. Her school notebook margins are also filled with hearts.

Has very poor concentration.

Dog person.

She probably likes Tyler the Creator

♡ I'M SO SORRY IF THEY'RE INACCURATE, BUT I STILL DIDN'T FINISH THE STORY !!!!!

[girlscoutbrownies]

sbg headcanons!

(i had to put a title because it keeps just showing up as “aiden” in my notifs)

some of my favourite school bus graveyard headcanons! (in celebration of 101 followers) some are mine, some belong to other people that i’ve taken as well

these got really, really long so ill split it into two parts: aiden, tyler, and taylor for this post and ashlyn, ben, and logan will be in the next

——

aiden

(bit of a tw for disassociation around the end)

- uses he/any pronouns, he mostly doesn’t give a fuck. also doesn’t care if you stick to he/him because he likes it. he also tries out mirror pronouns every once in a while and flipflops between any

- unlabelled energy. also doesn’t care abt that type of stuff, but he’s asexual and it takes him a while to grow feelings. he’s afraid of letting people close to him but it really doesn’t matter to him, not that much. he’s pretty apathetic about it

- generally smells like shittily applied cedarwood cologne. it’s one of those cheap drugstore brands and sometimes he forgets to apply it in the morning, and he doesn’t spray it very well. also smells like grass sometimes

- his favourite subject is psychology/maths/anything logic based (he likes those puzzles). growing up with his bitchass karen mom who probably twisted all the words he said, he doesn’t like cryptic or vague language or poetry (english class) because it reminds him of her. in math, there’s only one answer. in english, there’s hundreds. also the words swim on the paper and he finds it hard to focus

- he has his ears pierced. he begged his parents to take him to an ear piercing studio they just ended up taking him to claire’s but he was still so happy about it

- he BEGGED for a dog or a pet when he was very little but eventually stopped at some point. he asked for stuffed animals and never got any because “it would be too hard to keep track of when we’re moving and you would lose them and get sad” and he’s still very upset about it. used to hug like three pillows when he slept

- he was told they were settling down in georgia and now his current room has millions of stuffed animals i will not hear any arguments about this

- he’s a kicker in his sleep (when he gets any). he kicks plushies off his bed like all the time, he’s not apologetic though he’s just like “oh shit”

- worst and best guy to have a sleepover with. super clingy

- he knows very few actual life skills other than operating a microwave for frozen meals because he largely grew up alone without his parental figures in his life. ashlyn and tyler eventually teach him how to cook

- his growth is stunted bc of that period in his life and he’s short like ashlyn

- he is a HORRIBLE gossip addict. they’ll be sitting at the lunch table eating in silence and he drops “did you hear that samantha’s parents are divorced and madison dropped her bc samantha’s mom doesn’t drive them to the mall anymore” like HUH WHERE DID YOU HEAR THIS?

- he gets school lunch and very rarely (if ever) brings lunch from home. sometimes ben makes him lunches

- plays with his food (this is canon) but he makes storylines out of whatever he does its like his personal roman empire

- big fan of extreme foods (spicy, sour, etc) ((he grew up eating plain ramen)) and loves weird food combinations. everyone always makes weird faces at him when theyre at the mall and he orders weird shit

- he doesn’t know proper meal etiquette until someone has to tell him, his parents didn’t teach him anything (I HATE THEM)

- he’s a really bad cook like ben because he always ends up getting distracted, and somehow manages to skip over steps in the recipes.

- he probably likes cooking shows though and is like “yeah i could do that” (he can’t do that)

- the first time someone (tyler) made aiden a homecooked meal he started cry laughing (it was mostly crying) (nobody talks about it)

- the few times his mom has made him meals whenever she’s home they’re really bad. they don’t taste anything like home, but he didn’t know what home tasted like so he just cried. his mom thought it was because of how good it was (it wasn’t) and he just cried harder

- he dislikes bitter flavours, especially like, orange juice that you make from scratch but you don’t put any sugar in it (it’s because his mom once tried to make homemade orange juice/lemonade to feel more like a “real mom” and it was horrible

- he’ll still eat bitter food though he just wouldn’t like it that much

- likes crunchy food or food that pops in your mouth (poprocks) bc he thinks its cool

- probably needs glasses from how long he’s spent staring at screens (his backstory)

- the one thing his parents consistently did as a kid was take him to his doctors appointments so he has stellar teeth

- he’s fit and fairly athletic (jumping off walls and all) but he doesn’t play sports because he just. isn’t interested in any of it. he tries everything but nothing really sticks that much

- he eats his greens but probably wouldn’t care much for the healthy vegan lifestyle, not that much of a picky eater (this part is canon)

- his favourite holiday is halloween because 1. candy (which he didn’t get much as a kid unless he specifically asked for it or ben brought it over) and 2. he loves dressing up it’s so fun to him

- understimulation is the BANE of his existence he genuinely wants to tear out his own hair every time he gets like that. gets really irritated

- he disassociates a lot, generally experiences a lot of derealization. he doesn’t feel like he’s in his own body sometimes

- insomniac

- chases thrills so that he can “feel” something. doesn’t care if it hurts him or not, because at least then he’ll remember he’s a real person and that his life matters

- really bad at telling when people are lying/are irritated with him. he just keeps pushing until they explode

- good with secrets (his own) but isn’t good at deflecting if asked about someone else’s. he’s just like “ummm. would u look over there. a bird!”

- runs really fast, he wakes up early in the morning to take a walk around the neighborhood. he sometimes encounters tyler if he happens to go into his city (which is often, because he doesn’t like being in his house)

- his house is always really cold, which is why he tends to run really warm (his body is compensating). he knows how to turn the ac off, but it always ends up turning back on in the middle of the night

- he grew up learning The Gifted Child instrument; the piano. he dislikes classical music (he says it’s boring but it’s because of this). he also almost got forced to learn the violin but he once practiced so hard his fingers started bleeding which is how he got out of it

- likes verbal validation bc his parents never told him they were proud of him

taylor

- she/they cis demigirl, gets a bit upset at being misgendered though (people think she’s the transfem twin because tyler passes really well)

- bisexual fem pref

- decorates her locker for almost every occasion. halloween, christmas, easter, birthdays. also decorates other people’s lockers for their birthdays before school starts with sticky notes

- has tons of stuff in her locker (except food because tyler won’t let her) just in case anyone needs anything but she’s not very organized so she doesn’t know where anything is

- because of this she’s one of those people that barely makes it to the door before the bell rings but she’s trying to fix that habit

- enjoys crime documentaries/true crime, horror stuff. used to make tyler watch with her but his anxiety gets really bad and he started getting paranoid

- adores christmas bc it’s a family holiday she makes tyler and her mom homemade gifts every year

- loves dogs with every bone in her body she asks santa for one every year but alas. tyler always has to write “a letter from santa” back saying they ran out of dogs at the north pole

- uses emoticons like “:D :] :3” all the time when she types, downloaded a bunch of sticker packs too. especially cat ones

- had her future all planned out as a kid and told her dad she’d be a mechanical engineer and build trains and rockets to bring him places when he started getting really sick and couldn’t move anymore

- her hair is actually kind of dry (compared to aiden’s or ashlyn’s) because they couldn’t afford great shampoo or anything

- has an ehh skincare routine and doesn’t care much for her fashion sense, just wears whatever’s comfortable

- knows a lot of random facts as conversation starters, she’s surprisingly good at small talk ( + comforting people)

- gossips with aiden aallll the time bc she’s super sociable and knows lots of people who tell her secrets. she doesn’t tell any of the important ones but just little drama things

- her and aiden are bffs

- really likes kids because they’re funny, she has a big imagination like them so it’s easy for her to play with them

- she’s a swiftie and whenever someone asks her if she likes taylor swift as a joke bc of her name she says “i like all music!” (she loves tswift)

- really likes sweets over most types of food, she’s healing her inner child guys

- has always ALWAYS wanted to go to a circus/carnival/festival when she was younger, but they couldn’t afford tickets. she still has that dream but she obviously has bigger priorities now…

tyler

- transmale he/him

- doesn’t care that much about dating, he actually doesn’t think about it that much until he meets The Gang. he always too busy taking care of his family to bother with relationships

- dislikes heavy meals, eats in small portions. it’s a habit

- used to be a picky eater but isn’t anymore, when he was younger they struggled to put food on the table so

- he’s like tigris from ballad of songbirds and snakes; when he prepared food for the family he’d eat bits and pieces of it while cooking. eats raw meat sometimes but once got sick from it so never again because he doesn’t want people taking care of him

- he HATES being sick. HATES HATES HATES it, hates having to burden people

- stress cooks because he likes having things to do with his hands. he also runs laps/paces around when he’s stressed

- runs his hands through his hair so it’s always messy

- he doesn’t bother combing his hair unless it’s for a special occasion like the first day of school, he just doesn’t care that much

- gets up early like aiden to keep up his physical fitness, doesn’t stray far though because his mom wakes up around the same time he does

- is VERY punctual. will be furious if someone makes plans and then is late. always arrives somewhere like, fifteen minutes early. he’s trying to break taylor’s habit of being late

- occasionally scolds taylor about how messy her locker is

- is extremely (and kind of scarily) meticulous. clean backpack, clean locker, clean room. it’s a habit

- book smart and figures things out pretty easily. he has an internal computer inside his head i swear. latches onto concepts very quickly

- likes math because he’s good at memorizing concepts but biology is his worst enemy, he gets queasy very easily

- motion sickness

- doesn’t actually have a set plan for the future, other than “help his family.” will probably do something related to sports (sports scholarship) or will do something math/analytical related

- spams people when they don’t respond to him but quits eventually (semicanon)

- has some sort of separation anxiety i swear he does

- keeps every single promise he makes because he hates broken promises (his dad told him he’d be fine and out of the hospital soon), he also doesn’t make a lot of promises

- dislikes nicknames like “champ” and “buddy”

- he’s ambidextrous

- he always seems to be like, tense? can’t relax at all. it might be because of his anxiety (HE HAS ANXIETY)

- only ever relaxes if he’s at home

- rarely watches television, he says it’s a waste of time (he always gets distracted and gets up and goes to do something else) he can leave it in the background though

- i think he has chronic pain, i don’t know where but i just think he does. everything just aches sometimes and he’s so young fuck life

- he’s okay with kids like his sister, not as good as her but he’ll take care of them (habit x37362828) he’d probably say everything really monotone though “there’s santa claus, wow.”

- he and taylor both have a pretty strong southern accent from living in middle of nowhere georgia (i think someone made an art post on this a while back :D)

- is really bad at video games because he gets frustrated easily

- he grinds his teeth when he sleeps and has jaw pain what a loser

[yes-i-have-thoughts]

Thomas Connor, Wednesday Addams and Mark Heathcliff for the ask reblog thing you reblogged

HOHO

HOHOHO

TOO MUCH POWER

Anyway. Starting with Mr. Connor. Ahem!

1: Straight. And one of the few straights we respect in this fuckin' house

2: Allison. These straights are okay and I can and will make headcanons about them forever

3: Bill, Wally, and Scott. And maybe Shawn. Just-every young adult in the studio, he's a studio dad

4: Pretty much everyone that's not Allison, I guess. I don't feel very strongly about other relationships and I don't see a whole lot of differing ones anyway

5: He's Autistic.

6: You know that argument he had with Wally over the pipe valves, of all things? Yeah

7: The 'Tism. Also the self loathing but I'm doing better on that

8: N/A tbh.

9: This probably depends on who you ask

Wednesday!

1: Asexual/demisexual somethingorother. I haven't quite thought that out yet

2: N/A, though I do like the idea of her with Enid

3: Definitely Enid. If we include out of canon then Cesar Torres as well because Bias and Friend's Story Idea

4: Just about everyone. You wanna look me in the eye and tell me that girl feels any kind of attraction to anyone? She's demisexual at best and if you want her to pay attention to you that way then you'd better work your ass off, especially now that she probably took a hit thanks to Tyler and visions

5: She's autistic. This girl has hyperfixations and you cannot tell me otherwise Also I'm tempted to see her as someone with NPD, but I don't want to unintentionally add to do more dragging that PD through the dirt so I won't touch it. She's absolutely got more going on upstairs than just the 'tism, though.

6: "If he breaks your heart I'll nailgun his."

7: The 'Tism. This girl is definitely neurodivergent on some level. NT she is not and I will fight you on this if you give me Hell

8: The fact that I like her so much yet she's pretty...Well, she doesn't exactly go out of her way to be likeable. Bias towards gothic aesthetic or well-written character? You decide!

9: Problematic favourite. Hands down. I mean no ill will towards her however

Aaaaaaaaand Mak Healthbar

1: -*internet dial-up noises*-

2: N/A

3: Cesar. The guy has a key to his house and doesn't think twice about going over in the middle of the goddamn night to do a favour for him, PSAs and paranoia be damned. If that's not the definition of platonic soulmates then I don't know what to tell you

4: Just about every known character in TMC. Alex asks that they don't get shipped and I respect that.

5: Ignoring the usual 'tism one (though it still counts): he's a cat person. However his family only had one pet and it was a dog that would constantly knock him over because it's fun. The dog passed on when he was a kid and he doesn't miss the constant bodyslamming let me tell you Also he's transgender ftm.

6: YOU THINK I HAVE A FAVOURITE LINE FROM THIS KID-HOW ABOUT THE BEGINNING OF THE CALL WHEN HE WAS AT LEAST NEUTRAL. EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST AUGH IT HURTS

7: You don't want me to answer this

8: N/A

9: I wouldn't say cinnamon bun, but he does sound very sweet. So.

(Ask Game)

[princesscatherinemiddleton]

So @duchessofostergotlands tagged me to do this and I love talking about myself and forcing people to hear it so...

What colour are your eyes?: Brown

What instantly tells you you if a person is good?: Bad start but I don't understand the question. Not to sound like Roald Dahl on main but when I fall out with people they look mean and cruel to me, even if they were the most beautiful person I knew when we were friends

Do you have a recurring dream?: Most of my dreams currently revolve around me not being able to get my class to stop talking during an observation

What is the most interesting class you have taken?: My English degree was essentially a "what random topics can we fit in here" degree so we had classes on such a wide range of topics from how to run multi-media PR campaigns to whether or not porn should have a plot and how to trick someone into giving you the quote you want for your article. We were given this really immersive behind-the-scenes tour of the architecture of Bath for my PGCE though, so that probably wins

How often do you find yourself daydreaming?: A lot. When I was younger, I used to sit on the sofa and daydream that I was playing rather than actually playing

Name/nickname: I've had a lot of nicknames through the years but I'm predominantly just Grace

Zodiac: Leo

Height: 5 foot

Nationality: British

Favourite colour: Burgundy

Favourite season: Summer

Favourite animals: Lions or foxes or hedgehogs

Favourite fictional characters: Amy Santiago. Mulder and Scully. Emily Prentiss from Criminal Minds. Bronwyn Rojas from OOUIL. Nikki Alexander from Silent Witness. Rose Tyler. Currently obsessed with Arthur from BBC's Merlin.

Tea, coffee or hot chocolate?: Hot chocolate. I don't drink tea or coffee

Average hours of sleep?: If I sleep naturally, probably about 7. For work, about 5

Cat or dog person?: Both (but also neither - I'm not really an animal person)

Number of blankets slept with: Currently two

Places ancestors are from: My grandma was born in the same house in England she lives in now, my grandad was born in Wales and refused to admit he was Welsh, my grandpa was from an Irish travelling family and my nan was Jewish. But predominantly the Republic of Ireland and Wales

Dream trip: I'm going to Amsterdam soon and that was a big one! Italy, Greece and Spain are top of the list

Blog established: My main blog was April 2010, I think. This one was June 2015

Random fact about yourself: I have an eidetic memory. Also, that I keep having to go back and remove full stops from this so I look cooler

Three ships: Mulder and Scully. 10 and Rose. Jake and Amy (and Hotch and Prentiss)

Last song: Hits Different by Taylor Swift

Last movie: In the cinema, Shazam 2. At home, Scream (I watched the Scream 5 and 6 double bill on the day Scream 6 came out and I need to talk about it)

Currently reading: I Want to Die but I Want to eat Tteokbokki by Baek Sehee

Currently watching: I'm in the middle of rewatching S6 of Elementary, S4 of Merlin, S1 of Downton Abbey, S7 of Criminal Minds and S7 of The X Files and I'm swapping between them every other day. The last new show I watched was Class of 07

Currently craving: Maltesers

I'm just going to tag @sophiebernadotte @harryandmeghansussex and anyone who wants to do it - just say I tagged you!

[griefbuilt]

–   CHARACTER STUDY   -   JEREMY GILBERT 

LAYER 001 :    THE OUTSIDE.

NAME  :     jeremy  grayson   gilbert

EYE   COLOUR  :     hazel

HAIR  COLOUR  :     brown

HEIGHT  :  6’3   and  a   half  (  rounds  up  to  6’4  when  asked  )

CLOTHING   STYLE  :   dark  colors  ;  casual  (   flannels  ,  combat  boots  ,  leather  jackets  ,  t-shirts   ,   band  tee’s  ,   jeans  ,   button-downs  ,   tank  tops  ,  leather  pants  ,  hoodies  ,  sweatshirts  ,  briefs  ,   black  nail  polish  (  less  common  )  ,  suits  and  dress  shoes  for  weddings  and  funerals   )

BEST   PHYSICAL   FEATURE  :      smile

LAYER 002 :    THE  INSIDE.

FEARS  :  isolation   ,   loneliness   ,   abandonment  ,   loss   ,  helplessness  ,   betrayal  ,  unexpected   touch   ,  unexpected   loss  of  contact   ,  loss   of  control  ,   loss   of  autonomy  ,  crowded   spaces  ,  forgetting  ,  being   forgotten.

GUILTY   PLEASURES  :  junk   food  ,  watching   trash   reality  tv   with   caroline  ,  stealing  from   chain   stores  ,  takeout  ,   true   crime   shows  ,  shitty   vampire  /  werewolf   movies   ,  singing   taylor   swift  in   the   shower   ,  ‘  borrowing ‘   small  things   from   friends   to  hoard   away ,   long   showers   ,   men.

BIGGEST   PET   PEEVE  :    bad   tippers  /  unnecessarily   rude   to  customer   service  reps.

AMBITIONS   FOR   THE   FUTURE  :     keeping   everyone   alive  (  particularly  tyler  and   stefan   ,  since  apparently   they’re   bad   at   that  )  ,  maybe  graduating  (  ?  )  

LAYER 003 :   THOUGHTS.

FIRST   THOUGHTS   WAKING   UP  :  ‘  too  early  ‘ or  ‘  time  to  go  back  to  sleep  ‘  or ‘  fuck  i  shouldn’t  of  done  that ‘  (  most  frequently  )  ;  rolling  over  to  grab  mindlessly  at  the  person  he’s  with  (  in  a  relationship  )  ;  ‘ .....again ?  ‘  (  when  regaining  consciousness  after  a  near-death  experience  )  

WHAT   THEY   THINK   ABOUT   MOST  : ‘ is  (  insert  person  here  )  doing  alright  ‘  or  ‘  how  the  fuck  did  this  happen ‘ or  ‘  how  the  fuck  are  we  going  to  get  out  of  this  ‘ or  ‘  i  wonder  what  mom  /  dad  would  say ‘ ;  generally  thinks  about  death  a  lot

WHAT   THEY   THINK   ABOUT   BEFORE   BED  :    ‘ i’ll  deal  with  that  tomorrow ‘  or  ‘  why  do  i  feel  like  i  forgot  something  ?  did  i  forget  something  ?  maybe...  etc. ‘ or  ‘  please  let  this  be  fixed  in  the  morning.  let  it  just  not  be  real  ‘ or  ‘  fuck  it.  too  tired  to  change ‘ or  ‘  tyler....  ‘  

WHAT   THEY   THINK   THEIR   BEST   QUALITY   IS  :  his  astonishing  ability  to  rise  up  from  the  dead  like  fucking  lazarus  when  people  try  so, so  hard  to  kill  him  ?  or  he  doesn’t  give  up  on  people,  even  when  he  should.... or  he  gives  great  head  or  his  loyalty  to  the  people  he  loves

LAYER 004 :    WHAT’S BETTER ?

SINGLE   OR   GROUP   DATES  :    single

TO   BE   LOVED   OR   RESPECTED  : loved….

BEAUTY   OR   BRAINS  :   beauty

DOGS   OR   CATS  :    dogs   (  how  he  wishes   tyler   was  pettable  )

LAYER 005 :    DO THEY…

LIE  :   yes      

BELIEVE   IN   THEMSELVES  :  no  

BELIEVE   IN   LOVE  :   yes

WANT   SOMEONE  :   yes  

LAYER 006 :    HAVE THEY EVER…

BEEN   ON   STAGE  :    yes  (  if  his  elementary  school  performances  count  )  

DONE   DRUGS  :   yes  (  started  smoking  pot  at  thirteen  ;  started  in  on  benzos  and  painkillers  after  miranda  and  grayson’s  death  and  branched  out  from  there  )  

CHANGED   WHO   THEY   WERE   TO   FIT   IN  :  yes  (  tried  to  fit  in  more  during  childhood  (  eg:  being  more  like  matt  /  tyler  )  but  gave  up  relatively  quickly  ----  quicker  than  he  thinks  some  people  would’ve  liked,  at  least  ;  has  begrudgingly  killed  his  compassion  to  stay  alive  /  useful (  it  wasn’t  half  as  valued  in  him  as  it  was  elena,  anyways  )  )

LAYER 007 :    FAVOURITES.

FAVOURITE   COLOURS  :   green  ,  black  ,  gray  ,  blue  , that  one  shade  of  pink  his  mom  used  to  wear  all  the  time  ,  the  sunshine  yellow  that  reminds  him  of  caroline  (  and  only  that  yellow  )  ,  brown  like  his  sister’s  eyes  or  his  dad’s  eyes  or  his  grandfather’s  eyes  -------  they  were  all  the  same  shade  ;  he  didn’t  get  them

FAVOURITE   ANIMAL  :     dogs  

FAVOURITE   BOOK  :   battle  royale  ;  slaughterhouse-five  ;  cat’s  cradle  ;  as  i  lay  dying  ;  blood  meridian  ;  junky  ;  fight  club  ;  trainspotting  ;  the  hellbound  heart  ;  house  of  leaves  ;  the  exorcist  ;  good  old  neon  ;  pickman’s  model  ;  the  terror  ;  the  indifferent  stars  above  ;  in  cold  blood  ;  gun,  needle,  spoon  

FAVOURITE   GAME  :   dishonored  ,  red  dead  redemption  ,  fallout  ,  silent  hill  ,  dead  space  ,  resident  evil  ,  scrabble  ,  clue  ,  connect  four,  uno,  risk,  blackjack,  pool,  cheat,  poker,  beer  pong,  stump   (  would  1000%  play  dnd  with  wade  tbh  )  

LAYER 008 :    AGE.

DAY   THEIR   NEXT   BIRTHDAY   WILL   BE  :   october  13th

HOW   OLD   WILL   THEY   BE  :      20

LAYER 010 :    FINISH THE SENTENCE.

I LOVE  :    too  hard

I FEEL  :     too  much  or  not  at  all

I HIDE  :     to  keep  people  comfortable

I MISS  :    my  mom

I WISH  :    things  were  different

[chrisevansonly]

Meet The Person Behind The Blog! 👩🏻‍🎓💗

Hi & welcome to a little info blurb about me! I just wanted to write a little post so you could get to know me, a little bit about me, maybe some fun facts, or if you just wanted to feel a little more connected to the blog!

I’m always around if anyone needs to vent, chat, scream, cry or just wants a friend to joke around! I want this to be a safe space for everyone, where you can feel included and welcomed at all times!

So let’s get into it!

Name: Robyn but most people call me Rue or Roro (like row from a boat lol)

Age: I am 23 soon to be 24!

Birthday: April 18th!

Astrological Sign: Aries

Country: I live in Canada currently!

Languages: I speak English and French!

Career or Occupation: Right now I am a full time undergrad student in Law, but I am working towards becoming an Attorney or a Paralegal!

Hobbies or Interests: I love to write, read, and make content on my tiktok! I also used to horseback ride competitively and still like to ride in my spare time!

Music I Listen To: I listen to a bit of everything! Harry Styles is one of my favourites, Tyler the Creator, Fleetwood Mac, Nirvana, Billie Eilish, Tame Impala, Mac DeMarco, The Weeknd, SZA, Kehlani, The Bee Gees, Etta James, Searows, Phoebe Bridgers, Jhené Aiko + more!!

Some Facts About Me:

- I have dual citizenship with Canada and the United Kingdom

- I can’t decide between Criminal Law or Corporate Law, which are my two career choices!

- I LOVE cars, have been a little bit of a car girl since I was a kid

- I used to train dogs before I went to university!

- I am a huge animal lover

- I’m quite quiet in person compared to online which people don’t usually realize!

- I am 5’10 and one of the tallest girls in my family!

- I visited the Château de Chantilly last August which was one of the locations they filmed the grey man!

- I hope to move to Boston soon to further my career as an attorney and settle down there!

- I have a chocolate lab named Winnie but everyone calls her Weiner 😂

- I also have a bit of mental health training, so if anyone ever needs anything at all please feel free to reach out!

I think that’s all?? If there’s anything else don’t hesitate to let me know ☺️💗