#person who told me i should do this thank you and you're welcome

[literaila]

₊✩‧₊˚ the origin (get to know me) ‧₊˚✩‧₊

₊✩‧ basics ₊˚✩‧

‧✩ i'm verity, 18, bi, leo, she/they pronouns

‧✩ currently doing: nothing

‧✩ huge introvert, small loser, very dry (dryer than the one in my basement), also very humorous (argue with a wall)

‧✩ likes: my dog foggy, cats, the color green, psychoanalyzing fictional characters, writing melodrama, one direction, hozier, going to costco, baking, cooking, anime edits, impressing people with my obvious talent, candles, coloring, wearing lotion, doing my nails

‧✩ dislikes: coleslaw, mean people, when people interrupt my quiet time, getting gas, bad movies (i watch them anyway though), when something sticky gets on the floor, and coleslaw

‧✩ random facts: type one diabetic, fantastic tonal memory, i have three brothers, i own three copies of twilight, i love ice cream cake

₊✩‧ favorites ₊˚✩‧

‧✩ thing: foggy (my dog again)

‧✩ movies: cars, tick tick boom, set it up, jjk 0, hacksaw ridge, barbie princess charm school, thor ragnarok, twilight

‧✩ shows: new girl, criminal minds, greys anatomy, how to get away with murder, master kitchen, the queens gambit, psych, daredevil, jessica jones, wandavision, good luck charlie, bluey, the night manager

‧✩ books: fangirl, scythe, twilight, percy jackson, the way i used to be, lessons in chemistry, the song of achilles, six of crows, my life next door, the cruel prince, shatter me

‧✩ anime: jjk, mha, aot, chainsaw man, cherry magic, a sign of affection, demon slayer, bungo stray dogs, death note, solo leveling

‧✩ songs: brutus, call your mom, butchered tongue, unknown, from eden, only angel, epic III, little big boy, my love is sick

‧✩ other: soup, blankets, having medical insurance, the interview where harry mocks niall saying "no i don't," my best friend i guess (bob), my grandma, matt murdock

[yandere-daydreams]

tw - kidnapping, manipulation, mentions of physical abuse, and prolonged imprisonment.

You learn quickly that Nanami is significantly more bearable with he's playing house.

It should've been more obvious, in retrospect. If you hadn't been so terrified, so desperate not to fall into your captor's domestic delusions, you might've been more able to catch on more quickly, to realize how much softer he was when you treated him like a loving husband, rather than an obsessive stalker who had the nerve to roll his eyes when you asked if he had anything for you to wear that didn't involve bows and frills. You were slow on the uptake, but then again, he wasn't the kind of man who wore his heart on his sleeve.

His reactions weren't exactly more pronounced when your aggression started to fade, when you realized that he could barely take care of himself, let alone another person. You were skittish, eager to get in and out of the kitchen before he came home, and he was stoic, offering little more than a nod of his head and a muttered 'thank you' when he came home to find a bare-bones meal on the table or his constantly neglected apartment just a little cleaner. It took weeks for him to come to you directly; his suit jacket in one hand and spare button in the other. It should've only taken a minute to mend, but your hands shook so badly that it'd ended up taking ten. He watched over your shoulder all the while - smiling so softly, you'd been able to convince yourself that it was just your imagination.

You pretended that you didn't mind being with him, that the idea of being his stay-at-home hostage didn't make your skin crawl, and in exchange, he let you watch an hour of T.V. once a week, told you how your family and friends were dealing with your sudden disappearance. It wasn't a fair trade, but it was a trade - his domestic bliss for a handful of basic privileges, his happiness for the illusion of your freedom. When you can build up the courage, when you've recovered (or, recovered as much as you can, anyway) from the last time he bent you over his knee, you press for more. And sometimes, it works.

"I missed you," he mumbles, burying his face in the crook of your neck. His strong arms are wrapped around your waist, his posture hunched to accommodate the disparity between your heights, and you can feel warm breath on your skin, his deep voice reverberating against your throat.

"Welcome home," you say, because he doesn't like it when you lie and 'I missed you too' might've been the most dishonest thing you could've said. "You should sit down. I just started on dinner, and--"

You pause, cursing under your breath. Nanami is tired enough or kind enough to take the bait. "Make me a list." He pulls you that much closer before straightening his back and kissing your cheek. "I'll run to the store. It's the least I could do, for the only person who manages to keep my head on my shoulders."

You let a second of silence lapse between you, then another. "You know," you manage, eventually, just as Nanami starts to detangle himself from you. "Most couples spend as much time together as they can."

You can practically hear his smile. "You want to go shopping with me?"

"...am I allowed to?"

"Of course." He says it like he hadn't kidnapped you. Like he hadn't kept you locked in his sterile apartment for the better part of a year. Like he hadn't taken you by the neck and promised he'd be the only man to ever touch you again every time you questioned his intentions.

There's another kiss, this one to the corner of your jaw. Just when you think your heart might beat out of your chest, he adds, "As soon as hell freezes over and curses go extinct, I'll take you wherever you want."

You might've cried, if you didn't know how much he loved wiping away your tears.

Sometimes, it works.

Most of the time, though, he chooses to remind you whose game you're playing.

[wasitforrevenge]

oh sweetheart

pairing: boxer! ellie williams x f reader au

word count: 1.9k

rating: 18+

warnings: boxer!ellie, drinking, smoking, cursing, creepy guy but ellie comes to ur defense!! ellie has lots of tattoos, fighting, threats, idk if im missing anything (no character description or anything specific)

summary: you didn't expect to meet her on this night out.

authors notes: hi friends! this is my first time writing and posting on here hopefully you enjoy, please reblog, like or follow! lets be mutuals :) anyways feedback and constructive criticism is always welcome and appreciated! ellie williams has me on my hands and knees!!! i hope you enjoy! i like the idea of making this a series if it works out and ppl like it, so pls let m know!! thank you :)

PART 1 | part 2

series masterlist <3

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸

READ: this account stands with palestine, and so— i require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1 and 2, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. silence is complicity, do not scroll past this.

DO NOT BUY THE REMASTER, TLOU2, TLOU1, OR ANY GAME FROM NAUGHTY DOG! neil druckmann (the creator) is a zionist. PLEASE READ THIS. AND REBLOG THIS.

loud. everything is loud. the smell of sweat and blood stains the air around you. the sounds of people cheering and shouting towards the center of the large room. the lights are buzzing above you as you are walking into the entrance of the shitty run down gym your brother, jesse, and his girlfriend, dina, ended up dragging you to tonight.

you didn't mind coming along with him but this wasn't what you expected to be doing tonight. after a long shitty week of unpacking your new apartment, you kinda just wanted to end up a hole in the wall bar and drink your stress away but he had other plans. which including watching grown men beat the shit of each other for their cut at the end of the night.

it was intimidating, walking through the crowds of people you didn't know until you finally make it to where his friends were waiting for you guys. they were sitting at a table with a clear shot of the fight which was surprising since the whole place seemed to have more people in it then it could fit. you make your way awkwardly to the empty seats saying a gentle "hello guys" to your brothers friends who you didn't knowl. you sat next to dina as jesse made his way to the bar with your drink orders.

after you graduated highschool, you moved to new york and spend 4 years there working in a small cafe you lived above but now at the start of the summer, still not sure what you should be doing with your life. now you're 22 and you've moved to the city of jackson to be closer to your older brother and his girlfriend. you were excited to start fresh in a place where no one knew you yet, you were ready to leave your old life and those toxic things in the past. but you wondered if it was even possible.

you spend the next hour talking with dina and catching up on the things that have happened since you moved, "have you started looking for jobs yet?" she asked as you both sipped on the second drink of the night that jesse went and brought back a bit ago. you've only met a couple times in person since they started dating about 2 years ago but you loved her, she was making this night a lot better. "not much luck yet, i don't know what to do, luckily i have some time to figure something out." you responded. she went to say something but then the loud speakers around the room started blaring music and the countdown to the match that was about to start.

jesse tapped dinas shoulder to go watch with the rest of them. dinas eyes met yours and asked, "are you coming up?" you started getting nervous as the people started getting louder and crowding towards the center ring and told her that you'll stay here and watch. they both nodded and said they'd be back when it was over.

you took this opportunity to finally go get some fresh air since the crowd isn't all over anymore and it was a straight shot to the door you came in, you walked over to the side of the building, definitely feeling the drinks you had, you let your back rest against the concrete wall, finally cooling you down on this hot summer night. there's people standing outside talking but they payed no attention to you. you stayed against the wall as you pull out the cigarette pack from the pocket of your thin dark green jacket and the lighter out of your back pocket in your jean shorts. you cursed yourself for not buying more but its a bad habit and you know it. you pulled one out and put it in your lips as you brought the lighter up and took a drag, finally letting the anxiety go as you stared off into the sky.

"excuse me miss, you shouldn't be out here alone, a beautiful girl like you," a man with a rough voice said but you didn't move to look, suddenly wishing you never left your apartment to begin with, "hello i'm talking to you, its not nice to ignore people, ya know," he slurred his words as he spoke. you turned your head as you went to tell him to leave you alone but instead, he was standing in front of you before you knew it you dropped your smoke and now he's practically cornered you.

he was so close you could smell the alcohol on his breathe as he spoke again, "now are you gonna talk to-" you leaned away from him as he was interrupted by the sound of a door opening a few feet away, he looked towards it but then turned back to you just as quick, almost touching you as he went to speak again but he was beat to it.

"get off her." you didn't even realize the door had opened until you heard her.

the man looked back towards the door to the figure in the light, he squinted and when he got a good look, he suddenly backed off and put his hands up. "hey hey i wasn't doing nothin- it was nothing!" he shouted back to whoever was next to the still open door, light shining into the alley.

the door slams and the light fades as the figure walks closer towards you and your eyes meet the deep green eyes of the person who just saved you as she turned to the man who was just cornering you against the wall.

"it doesn't look like nothing, i mean, really? you're fucking joking right?" she questioned him as she looked him right in the eyes.

"i said it was nothing- she was flirting with me and-" he was cut off as she laughed loudly. "yeah you're full of shit, get the fuck out of here and don't let me see you again or you'll regret it." she said as she stepped closer towards him, almost at the same height, he looked scared of her. "okay, okay- fuck 'm leaving!" he slurred one last time as he turned around and headed the opposite way of the run down gym.

you stood there as the interaction happened, not sure what to do or say yet, you were silent as he walked off, and those green eyes met yours again and you saw her lips moving as she was speaking but you caught nothing she said. "hey, you okay there?" she asked you as she went to stand in front of you, looking you up and down, checking if you're psychically okay while she gave you a second to process before she asked you again.

"hey sweetheart, you okay?" she asked and grabbed your arm, not in a way that the man would have but like she was actually making sure you were okay, and this time you finally heard her.

"h- yes im okay, just- fuck- yes thank you." you said finally getting a good look at her now that she's up close and touching you. her eyes were greener than you thought, her short auburn hair with some pulled back into a bun, the big moth tattoo wrapped around her right forearm that was still holding onto yours, other tattoos littered her arms and some poking out under her t-shirt she was wearing. she was so close to you and it sent butterflies through your body. now is not the time, you thought to yourself.

"are you sure- 'm sorry that happened, fuck him." she said roughly, not towards you but him.

"its okay, thank- thank you for helping me" you said gently to the girl who was still looking into your eyes. you had been so focused on hers that you didn't even see the tiny scars, small healing cuts and the bruises that were fading until you looked over her face again.

"yeah of course, are you here alone?" she asked you curiously still holding on to you, you weren't even phased by it. you told her you were here with your brother and she nodded her head towards the door, "lets get you back to him before anything else happens sweetheart" she said as she guided you to the door, hand on your back, as you swallowed and went first.

suddenly all the sounds that you had not realized you had been blocking begin again, smells of the sweaty bodies surround you again and you felt too hot, either because of her or the summer heat trapped in here. once you made it inside, she moved her hand off the small of your back and told her to go find your brother and to get home safe. when she walked away, you realized you didn't even know her name.

you saw dina, sitting along with a few of jesses friends and made your way over to her. the match must've ended while you were outside. you walked through the gym to sit back down, moving carefully to avoid touching anyone. once you made it to the table, dina wondered where you had ran off too. "oh just went out to get some fresh air," you said back to her smiling, not wanting her to worry. she told you jesse went to get more drinks and after the encounter outside, you needed it.

jesse came back a few moments later, holding a round of shots for you three. "here you ladies go," he spoke with a happy look on his face. you smiled slightly back and took the glass as dina laughed at him. you took the shot, trying to forget what happened outside with the man but not what happened with her. you wondered if you would see her again. is she here to watch? could she work at the bar? is she here with friends too? your thoughts were interrupted by an announcement over the speaks that the final match was gonna start soon.

dina and jesse were telling you, "its the last one tonight and the last ones are always the best so lets go!" you would rather sit and order another drink, but what if something else happened cause you were alone? so reluctantly you got up with them and got closer to the middle ring, you heard the loud speakers announcing the boxers as they entered the ring. you weren't even paying attention, nothing could stop your mind racing with thoughts about the girl outside.

you shake yourself out of the trance when dina reaches over to you to touch your hands that were shaking but you didn't even realize, you look to her and give her smile that she returns, then she looks back to the ring and you turn your head to follow her eyes to the center. and your breathe caught.

thats her.

thats the girl who saved you outside.

the girl with her hands wrapped in tape and the mouthguard in.

the girl who wondered if she'd ever see you again either, not that you knew that, but she hoped it wasn't the last time.

you wondered what she thought as you both stared back at each other. you heard the coach start the countdown. you just watched her.

...5

...4

...3

...2

as the buzzer started, she smiled directly at you then turned to throw the first punch.

[pitchsidestories]

met someone II Lena Oberdorf x Reader

masterlist I word count: 1452

a/n: dear readers, the poll chose Lena Oberdorf for this oneshot, we hope you're enjoying it. 💖💖

“Lena?”, Lea sounded surprised.

“Lea, this bar sucks!”, the dark-haired woman yelled into her phone

“But that’s there all the hot lesbians are according to Georgia.”, the blonde frowned.

“Georgia is wrong. The thing is full of straight women.”, she observed with growing frustration as a group of them was laughing hysterically about a joke one of the girls had made.

“Wait, but it’s a gay bar are they all celebrating their bachelorette parties?”, the forward asked confused.

“I don’t care what they do here but they’re all here. I think I’ll go home.”, Lena replied grumpily.

To lighten up her best friend’s terrible mood the blonde suggested. “Tomorrow at my place? I’ll cook a lot of hot chocolate and then we’ll watch a stupid romcom?”

“Didn’t you do that today already?”, the brunette teased the older player.

“Uhmm.”, Lea responded awkwardly.

“I know you.”, Lena stated chuckling.

“Well, I can do it two times in a row if you don’t tell our coach.”, she answered sheepishly.

“Okay, I won’t tell him if you don’t tell him that I’m out at a bar.”, the younger footballer offered grinning.

“We’ve a deal. See you tomorrow night!”, Lea chirmed.

“Bye.”, the brunette ended the phone call. Her dark eyes wandering one last time through her surroundings. The bar had its charm, she could admit that. It had a fading elegance to it like an old diva where you could tell that the woman once was a great beauty, something with a lot of history.

The barkeeper had mentioned to her that back in the 1980s Freddie Mercury was a reoccurring guest. Probably it was a bit more colourful back in the day.

For a second Lena tried to imagine how it would’ve looked like when the British rockstar was still alive but when her eyes locked with yours and all she could think about was you. Why hasn’t the football player noticed you before?

“Uhmm hi.”, the brunette greeted you nervously.

“Hey.”, you bit your lip.

“I’m Lena.”, the stranger introduced herself. Her smile was infectious, it immediately calmed you and made you feel less awkward than you’d usually feel in front of a person you just met.

You told her your name and when added. “You’re alone here too?  There’s a lot of groups tonight?”

Lonely hearts recognized each other you thought to yourself. Especially in a crowded room where people who came alone were rare.

“Yeah, I was about to go home. But then I saw you and I thought.. I could at least try and shoot my shot.”, Lena winked.

“That’s funny because I was about to leave too until I saw you.”, you confessed without hesitation in your voice.

A smile spread across Lenas face: “Oh really? Looks like this was meant to be.“

You chuckled in response, teasing her: “Are you a romantic, Lena?”

“Not really.“, she shook her head, her smile unwavering.

“So you don’t believe in love at the first sight?”, you asked.

She tilted her head slightly: “I believe in attraction at the first sight.“

You could barely tear your eyes away from that smirk, confident and cool.

“Me too.“

Lena pointed back towards the entrance of the bar and suggested: “Maybe we should stay for another drink?”

You nodded quickly: “Yes.“

Unsurprisingly, the bar was still crowded when the two of you went back inside. Lena led you right towards the counter to two empty bar stools. She had already ordered drinks while you sat down.

“Come on, it’s on me.“, she grinned as she pushed one of the glasses towards you.

You smiled politely at her: “Thank you.“

“You’re welcome.“

You sipped on your drink. Despite its dangerously clear look, you could barely taste the alcohol.

“So, what got you here tonight?”, you asked.

“I moved here a couple of months ago. I guess I’m just looking for someone…“, Lena admitted willingly.

It was more than understandable.

“A big city like Munich can get lonely…“, you mused, absentmindedly swirling the liquid in your glass.

Observing you, she raised an eyebrow: “Speaking from experience?”

“I do…“, you replied but quickly frowned at yourself. That sounded all wrong, you weren’t lonely. “I mean I love my friends…“

“But a romantic relationship is different. I get that.“, Lena completed your thought.

You paused for a moment, not because her interruption felt invasive, but because you felt an immediate connection.

“It is.“

“I feel the same way about that.“, Lena agreed.

You lifted your glass and clinked it against hers: “Cheers to the Lonely Hearts Club.“

Lena laughed: “Who knows. Maybe we’re at the right place at the right time and won’t be part of that club for much longer.“

Your heart skipped a beat, swelling with hope that this could be more than just a last-minute flirt at a bar but your forced it to calm down.

“Do you want to go for a walk after this?”, you asked, once your heart had started pumping blood to your brain again.

Lena checked the clock on her phone and nodded: “Sure.“

“Perfect.“

Both of your glasses emptied quickly.

“Ready to leave?”

“Yes, I’m ready.“, you said as you got up.

“Let’s go.“

Lena followed you outside where you both were met with the chilly breeze of the late night.

Side by side, you started walking against the cold. Streetlights illuminated the sidewalk just enough. You watched the shadows dance across Lenas face as you walked to nowhere in particular.

“Do you like living in the city so far?”

“I do. I expected the move to be harder but.. I like it.”, she admitted. You could tell that the young woman meant it. Immediately you asked yourself where Lena had lived before. Possibly somewhere smaller and calmer.

The brunette glanced at you with curiosity. “What about you? Have you lived here for a long time?”

“Yes, I moved here for university. It felt very freeing.”, a shy smile played on your lips as you spoke.

“I can see that.”, she observed in a friendly tone.

“In Munich you can be yourself.”, you added meaningfully.

A moment of realization hit the dark-haired woman unexpectedly. “You came out here, huh?”, Lena recognized.

“I did.”, you nodded. Pictures of the past were flashing behind your eyes. The small Bavarian village you grew up in, the catholic church being the centre of everyday life and gay people were basically non-existent. When you came to Munich it felt like you were able to breathe normally for the first time in forever.

“I think I understand why this city means so much to you.”, the brunette replied.

“You were out before moving?”, you asked her although it was more an observation than a question.

“Yes, for a while. I’m a football player so everyone is very open about it.”, Lena explained blushing.

“Ah a football player.”, you smiled at her mildly.

“Oh. You don’t sound impressed.”, she stated sounding almost a bit disappointed. But from the inside the midfielder felt relived too as sometimes the only thing women found interesting about her was her job.

The Lena off the pitch didn’t interest them at all, the one who loved her friends and family fearlessly, who liked to have fun, party a little and who wanted to take care of a dog again, but knew she wouldn’t have enough time without a partner to help her.

“No, I was just wondering why your arms are so impressive.”, you countered grinning, your fingers intertwined as you kept walking.

“You’re impressed by my arms? You should see my thighs.”, she smirked.

“Can’t see them through those trousers.”, you continued the banter making the woman you felt attracted to break into a warm and loud laughter.

“Sorry that joke went a bit far for a first meeting.”, Lena biting her full lips apologetically.

“A little but I’m already liking what I can see.”, you responded truthfully.

“Oh, you do?”, the football player raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, too much honesty?”, you chuckled.

“No, I like honesty.”, she replied earnestly.

“Same. So, what if I’d like to see you again?”, you questioned bravely, your heart pounding hard against your chest.

“How about tomorrow?” That ask sounded like music to both of your ears. Like this night might came to an end but it was only the beginning for you two.

The following day Lea exclaimed surprised. “Wait, you’re bringing a plus one to our movie night?!”

“Either that or I have to cancel. And you won’t forgive me for that.”, Lena said smiling.

“Okay, you can bring her.”, the striker sighed dramatically.

“You won’t regret it.”, the brunette promised wholeheartedly. Lena got butterflies in her stomach as she thought about you.

[jewishvitya]

hi riki! this is a bizarre question ngl, but im wondering if you could please tell me about why you are anti-Zionist? Since i have FRESHLY (last month!! Woohoo!!) become bat mitzvah, and I’m not going to beit Sefer every week now, I’m starting to realize that what I was told about Israel and zionism miiiight be innacurate. Please feel free not to, but I would personally feel more comfortable hearing about Antizionism from somebody who is for sure not hiding any antisemitic biases. Thanks and I hope it’s not a bother!

Mazal tov!

I was debating if I should reply to this and how. You're only one year older than my son and I never considered talking about this with a kid other than my own children. But if you're online reading and looking up information about this, I'll just answer the way I would for anyone. Like I said, I don't mind explaining. But I don't have the energy to collect sources for you. I'll do that later if you'd like. For now it'll be a bit of a rant.

Basically, if you ask different people what zionism is, you'll get different answers. Some people say that zionism is just the acknowledgement of our connection to this land. That's not what I'm going against. I'm not denying that this is our ancestral homeland. I've never known a different home, I grew up near Hebron. Our history means everything to me. So maybe you could create some definition of zionism that I wouldn't be against. But then I'll be against the use of the word because in practice, politically, the movement has been colonialist. And that reality is more important to me. So when I say I'm antizionist, I'm not talking about whatever pretty idea someone might have, I'm talking about things that to me are very concrete.

Zionism uses whatever political terminology is useful to it at the time. Currently, it tries to paint itself as a sort of landback movement, placing us as the indigenous population of this land. This is a distraction. If you mean "indigenous" as "this is where we originated" - both us and Palestinians are indigenous, which makes this term pointless to this situation. If you mean "indigenous" as "a local population facing colonization" - they're indigenous and we're the colonizers. That's the more politically useful distinction.

And the thing is, zionists knew they were colonizers. Ben Gurion was welcomed by the local population and expressed hope that they're nomadic and could be persuaded to leave. Ze'ev Jabotinsky argued that no land has been colonized with the consent of its natives, so we should just take what we want like other occupying forces did. They knew what they were doing. At the time, there wasn't the broad political pushback against colonialism that you see today, so they didn't really hide it. They saw themselves as the colonizing force and the Palestinians as the natives and this distinction had them placing themselves above the Palestinians.

When I was in school, I was made to believe that Palestine was never truly a country and the population here was never a cohesive nation. You might see questions like "Who were the Palestinian prime ministers and presidents? What was the Palestinian coin? What Palestinian wars were there before the creation of Israel?"

These questions tell you nothing other than the fact that Palestine has been under foreign occupation for a very long time. They try to lead you to believe that Palestine and the Palestinian identity are fictional constructs designed to deny us our place in this land.

But Palestinians have their own dialect of Arabic. They have their own varieties of Middle Eastern foods. They have their own clothing, their own embroidery patterns, their own dances. They have a very rich culture that wasn't just made up from nothing within the last century. I still have to battle against cognitive dissonance every time I find something of the sort, because Palestinian culture goes against everything I was taught.

The truth is, the British had no right to occupy Palestine, and they had no right to offer it to us. If we pretend there was no population that was wronged when we took Israel, we can be "the good guys" with Palestinians being a sinister plot to ruin us. This turns normal families, normal people, into a conspiracy made to hurt us. We're not fighting a military force - every Palestinian person is a threat to our legitimacy. Israelis don't even really use the term "Palestinians" - they're just Arabs, their individual identity is stripped from them. We pretend that they belong to other countries around us.

Israeli propaganda will tell you that we only ever act in self defense. It's in the name of our military, it's called a defense force. Israel boasts that it has the only ethical military in the world. The only defensive one. But like I said, we define threats very broadly. And we whitewash a lot of history. I was taught in school all our fighting was defensive - and then I spoke to an elderly man and he said "of course we killed whole villages, it was war, that's what you do." Only as an adult I found out about things like the Sabra and Shatila massacre and our involvement in it.

For the existence of Israel as an ethnostate, every Palestinian is a threat. A lot of people are all in favor of Israel, but against the government actions of ethnic cleansing. The truth is, the ethnostate is not sustainable without the ethnic cleansing. You can't accept one and expect it not to lead to the other. An ethnostate is never a justified goal, and that's always been the goal of zionism as a practical movement.

And I know why this exists. We've had two millennia of persecution. Antisemitism is one of the oldest forms of bigotry. And we just experienced an attempt to industrially exterminate us, we lost millions, including from my own family. We want shelter and safety and the ability to defend ourselves. I just can't see that as justification for what we did and continue to do.

You can look up our human rights abuses, but personally, there were moments that hit me. When I saw a whole warehouse of mail intended to reach Gaza, mail that's been kept from them for years, including items like wheelchairs, in such bad conditions that some envelopes got moldy. I still think of the people who spent all that money to get a wheelchair and were prevented mobility because we decided to hold their mail.

I watched the biggest apartment building in Gaza collapse under our bombs and I cried thinking about the people inside, and about the potential survivors and everything they lost.

I watched our people beat up the pallbearers at the funeral of Shireen Abu-Akleh, a Palestinian reporter. They almost dropped the casket from all those beatings. They were no threat. They just carried her. There was no reason to hurt them.

On the news, after Shireen Abu-Akleh died, the description of the Palestinian response to her death was that they're "חוגגים על המוות." The literal translation is that they're celebrating over the death, but that's not what it means. The meaning is that they're exaggerating their pain and their grief. They're acting, pretending, milking the injustice of it for show. And that's a common Israeli narrative, that Palestinians make a big deal out of things and pretend to suffer more just to make us look bad. We've dehumanized them to the point where we don't believe their grief.

And before all of this, growing up, I saw what the "us vs them" mentality caused in children. I grew up in Kiryat Arba and the population there is very strongly zionist. It's a settlement. It's largely Dati Leumi (national religious? I'm not sure how to translate, dati means religious and leumi means national). Over there I saw children as young as six cheerfully talk about joining the military and killing Arabs. I saw a kid throwing chocolate past the electric fence separating us from them, and laughing when a small Palestinian child went looking for that chocolate, calling her a pig. I saw my high school classmates questioning if they should help the family of a six-months-old baby, first demanding to know if the sick infant is Arab.

The Israeli left has a bit of a slogan. הכיבוש משחית. The occupation corrupts. It means that being an oppressive force changes what we are. It ruins us. And I truly believe that. It taints so much about us and our culture, about our compassion and our ability to have solidarity with other humans. Many principles that kept us safe in diaspora are used now to harm gentiles living under our control, and Palestinians suffer most of all.

So these are the reasons I'm antizionist. I hate what we do to Palestinians. I hate what it does to us. And more fundamentally, I'm against colonialism.

[bunny-jpeg]

Can i order Chocolate chip cookies, croissant and coconut water served by ceo!lewis and secretary!reader

bakery menu!!

want to submit your own fic? then hit up the menu! there are tons of options to choose from, large orders and small orders welcomed! and if you have a burning idea that doesn't fit the bakery menu, then request something special! thank you to this lovely anon for a remarkable yet simple prompt! thank you!!

chocolate chip cookies ("you're beautiful when you smile, but you're the prettiest when my cock is in your throat") + croissant ("i wonder if your father knows what happens during the off hours. if he knows you're here with me.") + coconut water (alternate universe) served by ceo!lewis hamilton (formula one)!!

cw: smut/pwp, ceo!lewis, secretary!reader, horner!daughter, office sex, dirty talk, mean & dominant!lewis,

you were told that working for hamilton would be a good idea. your father assured you that working outside of the company he founded would be good for you.

"you can learn so much." your father said with his hands on your shoulders, "working under hamilton will be an amazing experience." your father would've never suggested you work for lewis if he had knew you'd end up with your panties around your ankles and the sound of the big, scary ceo fucking you up against his desk.

"your tits have gotten bigger." he said as he groped them between his large hands. you looked at lewis from under your lashes, "didn't get any work done, did you? i feel like that's something i should know."

most bosses did not care about the size of their secretary's breasts. they definitely didn't grope them like they were a toy. but still, you were in lewis' lap with his hands on you. he smelled lightly of liquor, something he gave a little to you earlier while you were perched in his lap.

"no, sir. just went home last weekend."

lewis made a small pleased noise, "did you do anything? anything i should know about?" when your father called in to check in on you, lewis hid some of the details. you were doing so well (at taking lewis' cock), you were a hard worker (you didn't cry when he choked you anymore), and you were such a team player (anything lewis wanted. you were game for).

like when lewis let his associates have an afternoon with you on his boat, where you served them drinks. verstappen got a good eye of your breasts in the tiny bikini and sainz almost dropped his drink out of his hand when he saw you bend over to pick up something that lewis (purposefully) dropped on the ground. you looked painfully cute, even when you got into lewis' lap when you were done your serving duties. and stayed comfortable in his lap while he talked business. but the men with him were too busy seeing if your nipples were going to slip out of the tiny bikini top.

you shook your head, "no, sir. went to my apartment and drank wine." you winced when he groped your thigh once more.

his nose was up against your neck as he held onto you, "shame. you could've spent the weekend with me." he rubbed your thigh almost tenderly, "leclerc would've been happy to see you." you knew you weren't the only secretary who was being fucked by their boss.

his fingers trailed across the bottom of your skirt. you held onto him tightly. you shuddered a little at his touch, he loved the sight of you. when you got all flustered in his lap.

"i know, sir. but if i spend too much time at the office. my father might get suspicious." you said as his thick fingers dragged across your cunt which made you gasp a little.

"mmm. i wonder if your father knows what happens during the off hours. if he knows you're here with me." he said softly, before he got you off his lap and onto the desk. he shoved two of his fingers into your mouth, you could taste the bit of wetness on them. you whined and arched your back while he pushed your skirt up over your ass. it exposed the pretty panties with the daisies on them. a personal favourite.

you happily sucked his fingers like the eager girl you were. you whimpered against his digits. your heart hammered in your chest while you tried to be quiet for him.

"while i think you're beautiful when you smile. but, you're the prettiest when my cock is in your throat. too bad i can't take your throat right now. but i know she misses me." referring to your pussy.

he took his fingers out your mouth and you covered your mouth with your hands. you couldn't be too loud, as much as lewis enjoyed your kitten mewls. he eyed your pretty wet cunt when he got your panties around your ankles. he got his cock out of his slacks and loosened his tie. you really knew how to get him going.

"you know how to behave, baby girl. always so good for me." then watched you tense up while he got his cock into you. in all fairness you were sort of bad at your job, he was certain this favor for horner was only meant to last a few months before you were swapped out with someone more competent.

but he was certain the no other woman he hired would have a pussy like yours. how easily he could sink into you, the perfect feeling. you bit your bottom lip and whimpered against your palms.

"that's it. see, you are good at something. maybe your father was right, that there was some kind of work ethic in you. maybe it's not what he hoped for. he thought you'd be a lovely book keeper. not bent over my desk with your pretty ass in the air." he groped your flesh, he could feel the heat under his palms. next time he'd lay a few heavy smacks across it. if the office wasn't too busy.

you whimpered a little bit and tried to defend yourself but lewis put his hand on your head and pressed your cheek to the hard desk. you were only the secretary. your job was to take calls and get coffee. decision making on his level was not need to be good at your job.

it didn't help that you knew your insides would be bruised.

he moved against you and you felt hot all over. you panted heavily while he kept you pinned onto the desk. you heavily panting against the hard wood of the desk. he was a man of power doing your father a favour. you had no real skills besides how you could be a good girl for powerful men like hamilton.

"lewis." you moaned softly. you could feel the heat down your neck, your core was soaked because of him. he had trained you so well over the last few months.

"ah, i'm not doing a good job right now. you're still able to form words." then picked up the pace. which made you flail a little bit until he kept you pinned down onto the desk by the back of your neck.

you felt a lot more in a daze he continued to hit your sweet cervix. his cock bullies and bruised you. and you clawed at the desk. a behaving little girl.

he came first. not because he was a fast finisher, but rather he tasted your cunt until he got his satisfaction first. which left you feeling more blissed out, his cock still hard inside of you.

you came hard, just like you have done every other time. lewis knew how to make you crazy. you clenched onto the side of the desk as you climaxed around him. you panted heavily and felt your brain go blank for moment as you relaxed against the wood. squishing your pretty breasts against it.

he grabbed your ass for a moment before he was a gentleman and pulled your pretty panties over your ass before he gave it a pat. he got himself back into his slacks and he got your skirt back over your ass.

you weren't thinking about much when he got you back into his lap. his cum soaked the front of your panties. you rested against him and he held onto your hand carefully.

"maybe we should call your father while i give you your performance review." his finger dragged across your slit once more. he could feel the wet patch and smiled. poor little thing.

you nodded and lewis was only going to tell your old man how good you were working for him. you'll be with the company for a few more months, and then you'll be the stay-at-home wife for lewis hamilton. <3

[oddballwriter]

A Mother's Love

Summary: Your mother would take in anybody so of course she takes in your boyfriends and treats them like they're her own.

Warnings: Mention and reference to Marc and his mom. Nothing else really. 

Author’s Snip: I saw this post talking about how Steven would love being taken in by your mom when you started dating a long time ago, but I don't know where it is or who made it so if you're seeing this thank you so much for the idea.

Notes: Our boys deserve the world <3 

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

Word Count: 741

Taglist: @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction

Your mother was what everyone might describe as the most nicest person to ever exist. You truly believed that she held no anger, hatred, or judgment in her body and if you ever found out that she did then it's most likely deserved. The day you see your mother yell at someone will be that hell has frozen over and gets a blizzard.

She raised you with the same morals and love that she held and was so supportive of everything you did in life regardless of if it seemed strange or different to her. She was a saint and fully of so much love.

So when you started getting serious with Marc and thus Steven and Jake, you knew that your mom would understand and welcome them in with open arms regardless of their situation and life. And that was true. You had told her about them, and when you reached the part of the relationship where they wanted to meet your family, she was so excited to meet them.

After meeting each one of them on different occasions and learning how to tell them apart, they were as good as adopted and she treated them like they were her own, proudly telling each of them "You can just call me mom now.".

Marc took a while to get used to it, on many different levels.

There was the obvious one. Your mom was so accepting and understanding of him. She was so nice and made sure everything she made was made with love and in consideration of how he liked them. At the first dinner with your family, she made a dish with an ingredient that he didn't like that much but still ate. He didn't tell her about it out of fear that she might be insulted but he told you, you then mentioned it to your mom, and the next time she made it she made a portion that didn't have the ingredient. You never said anything but you could tell that Marc was barely holding it together and trying not to cry.

You never told your mom in full detail about Marc and his mom out of respect and let him tell that story when he wanted to, you just told her that he didn't have what you and her have and that her gestures might get a reaction out of him. You also didn't know if Marc ever did tell her everything, but what you do know is that she's gotten it into him that "I'm your mom now".

You're pretty sure Steven has completely redirected his mama's boy instincts towards your mom too. He helps her cook dinner, set the table, and even helps clean the dishes. You knew that he longed for that sort of connection after being told about how he used to do that when he thought their mom was still alive and has he remembered her, so it didn't take you by complete surprise when he basically imprinted on your mom but it's still kind of funny. One time when they joined in on a family vacation your mom told him that he should put on more sunscreen, to which he then did, and then asked her if she thought that it was enough. Someday you're going to hear him on the phone with her like you were told he used to, you can feel it.

Jake is what you would call the classic son-in-law to your mom. He loves her to bits and appreciates her and her kindness, but he still messes with her a little and she does it back. They will actively pull light-hearted pranks and jabs at each other, it's the cutest thing ever. Jake has also become her and your father's unofficial handyman. Your dad does just fine fixing stuff up but they use him as an extra pair of hands. You will never forget the day your mom called him because their car broke down and your dad couldn't figure it out, and when Jake asked if they called a mechanic she said "Why call and have to pay one when you can do it for free?". That sounds like they freeload off of him but he doesn't mind. Jake likes the feeling of being wanted and being a helping hand.

Overall, life is pretty good when you have a mom who takes in your boyfriend and his alters and basically becomes their mom.

[icycoldninja]

FLUFFCEMBER DAY #19: (Vil x Reader)

Affirmations

"Honey," You hear Vil croon from across the room, where he was applying his eyeliner.

"Yes?" You replied, trying to mimic his questioning, sing-song tone.

"Do you think I'm beautiful?" What kind of a question was that, you wondered, as you slowly spun around to face him.

"Say that again?" You asked, staring at him with wide eyes. Fearing the worst, Vil paused his pampering, looked you straight in the eyes with his purple ones, and repeated,

"Do you think I'm beautiful?" He said this with such genuine curiosity, you couldn't help but freeze and blink at him for a few seconds in confusion. Vil studied you and your reaction for a few moments before his growing impatience began to show on his face. "Well?"

"Are you kidding me?!" You then exploded. "Of course I think you're beautiful--that shouldn't even be a question! I only tell you four hundred times a day! Who would make you of all people doubt yourself?" Your tone suddenly switched from incredulous to angry. "Who or what made you think that you're anything other than drop dead gorgeous?"

The next few seconds were spent in silence while both of you took time to process what just happened. You needed a minute to realize you had just delivered the most aggressive compliment ever heard, and Vil wasn't sure whether you were mad at him for doubting himself or just really enthusiastic.

"Oh," He finally chuckled, turning slightly pink. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," You responded awkwardly, turning away. "It's true, by the way." You blurted out that last part before you could think twice, and you didn't regret it.

"I see," Vil murmured, returning to preening himself in the mirror. "I'm quite flattered you think so. One can have all the admirers in the world, but there's only one person whose opinion really matters."

"You don't have anything to worry about," You told him, smirking a little at his words. "You're prettier than anyone else I know. You don't have to worry about what they think of you."

"I don't," Vil smiled. "I care about what you think."

"I'm honored, but there's no need." You returned, sheepishly scratching your head. "I'm not really fit to be judging others, especially you."

"No!" Vil abruptly cried, dropping the eyebrow pencil he was holding. "You need to give yourself more credit. I trust your judgement more than Rook's. Yes, I know he is very precise, but there's something so charming about honest, heartfelt opinions. The kind that you give me."

You really should have said something equally profound and stirring, but you found yourself speechless for the time being, capable only of muttering broken sentences and blushing furiously. Vil gave you a fond glance, batted his eyelashes, then focused all his attention on applying lipstick. In the end, you decided to cross the room and express yourself by giving him a hug from behind, which did not surprise him in the slightest because he saw you approaching in the mirror. He was, in fact, quite touched, and gave you a few pats on the head with his free hand, and once he deemed his makeup finished, he turned around and gave you a kiss on the forehead.

"I love you," He giggled, pulling away and cupping your cheeks. You were honestly expecting him to call you something potato related; surprised that he hadn't. Good, because it felt derogatory being compared to a vegetable, but you couldnt tell him that because it would break his heart to learn you detested his little nickname. "I really do" He repeated, "My sweet little potato."

And here you were hoping he wouldn't say it. Damn.

[punksyeet]

- Protection ❥

Plot: Gianna (OC) is protected by a guy at the gym who, she’d later find out is the man of her dreams.

Warning: S/A, mature language, & hefty flirting!

28!

29!

30!

I set my pair of dumbbells back onto their rack and take a seat on the black bench that's sat in front of me to catch my breath.

Panting heavily, I take a sip from my rose gold Stanley cup and towel dry the numerous beads of sweat rolling down my forehead and chest.

Once I'm cooled off and my breathing returns to normal, I head to the treadmill to do the last 10 minutes of my workout.

The song "Lifestyle" by Rich Gang and Young Thug plays through my headphones, and I mouth the words while doing some light jogging.

About 4 minutes in, I feel a presence behind me, causing me to look back.

An older random man, at least 50 years old, is stood there just watching me.

I pause the machine and hop off, slowly taking my headphones off as well. "Hi. Is there something you needed?"

He lightly chuckles. "Not at all, sweetheart. I'm just enjoying the view."

Oh for fucks sake!

"Yeeaaah," I respond hesitantly, turning back to the treadmill. "I'm not interested, sorry."

He lightly grabs my waist, causing me to stop half-way. "Baby wait! I just wanna ta-"

"Okay first of all," I exclaim, backing out of his grip. "Don't touch me. I don't even know you."

He crosses his arms over his chest and swallows hard. "Well that seems unfai-"

"And secondly," I continue, cutting him off. "I told you I'm not interested. You're making me very uncomfortable. So please, respectfully, walk away from me."

"I don't think I will," he instigates, proceeding to walk even closer to me. "You know exactly what you're doing in these tight little shorts, baby."

He starts inching his hand closer and closer to my ass until another person clears their throat, making him stop in his tracks and turn around.

I look behind him, where the sound came from, and see a much younger looking and, not for nothing, but super attractive guy.

My eyes automatically scan his body, which is filled with what looks like cultural tattoos and sweat that makes his gorgeous caramel-colored skin glisten under the ceiling lights.

"I believe the lady asked to be left alone?" he clarifies, his hands in his pockets.

The man throws his hands up innocently. "I wasn't trying anything man, I swear."

"I see," the attractive guy says, nodding and smoothing out his freshly-trimmed beard. "Then why are you still here, uce?"

Uce? What does that mean?

"Because uce," the man replies, mocking him. "I'm a guy that likes conversation. And I saw a pretty woman so I walked over. What does this have to do with you anyway?"

The attractive guy's nostrils flare in reaction to being mimicked. "It has everything to do with me when I'm witnessing a lame ass dude come up to a female, making her uncomfortable in a place where she should feel safe. Have some shame bruh."

With every word he inches closer and closer to the man, even pointing his finger at him.

The man suddenly turns speechless, and places his hands in his pockets.

"That's exactly what the fuck I thought," the attractive guy continues. "So I suggest you get outta here before things get real ugly."

The man then rolls his eyes, scans my body one more time, and walks away.

The attractive guy watches him leave and comes walking over to me. "Hey. You alright?"

I blink numerous times out of shock. "Y-yeah I'm good. Thank you so much for that."

He gives me a warm smile. "Anytime. It infuriates me seeing dudes disrespecting women that way. I'm glad I saw it before he could do anything else to you."

I return the smile. "Well, thank you again. I appreciate it. More than you know."

"You're very welcome..." his voice trails off, and he tilts his head at me.

"Oh!" I reply, holding out my hand. "I'm Gianna. It's nice to meet you."

He flashes me another gorgeous smile and shakes it. "You too, and that's a real pretty name. I'm Josh."

"Thank you," I reply, lightly blushing, and stick my hands in my pockets once we end the handshake.

He stops for a minute and takes a deep breath before speaking up again. "Say Gianna, I know we met in a kinda unfortunate way, and the timing of all this may be off. But would you like to hang out sometime?"

His gorgeous ass? Wants to hang out with me?

I give him a soft smile, shrugging. "Sure, why not?"

He nods, rubbing his hands together. "Cool, cool. How about tonight? I'll text you my address and we can kick it? Have dinner or something?"

I nod, pull out my phone, open my contact list, and hand it to him. "Sure, that sounds nice."

He enters his number and hands it back to me. "Perfect. I'll see you tonight."

I smile, nodding. "See you then."

He gives me one last smile before walking off, allowing me to finish my set and head home.

—————————————————————————————————

It's now 5pm and I just got out of the shower.

Josh and I are meeting at his place at 5:45 so I gave myself some extra time to get ready and mentally prepare.

He texted me to dress comfy, so I decide to go with a cotton white sweater and pants set, some beige slides, my belly piercing, some silver jewelry, and my LV purse.

I straighten my hair and spray some yummy smelling perfume before heading out.

—————————————————————————————————

You've got this Gi.

Just be yourself and he'll love you.

I take a deep breath before leaving my car and heading up Josh's walkway and to the front door.

Seconds after I ring his doorbell, I hear dogs barking and then shuffling towards the door.

Once it opens, I practically drool at the sight I'm brought with.

He's dressed in a black muscle tee, grey sweatpants with his print visible, Nike socks, hoop earrings in, and a nice gold chain around his muscular neck.

"Hey again," he coos, standing against the door.

I give him a soft smile. "H-Hi. You look nice."

He chuckles. "Thanks, love. You do too. Come on inside."

I do as he says and I'm greeted with three adorable french bulldogs. "Your dogs are adorable."

He closes the door behind me and smiles when he sees me petting them. "Thank you."

He introduces me to Pongo, Mumble, and Jax.

As he's making dinner, I chill on the couch with them.

"They took a liking to you quick," he exclaims, watching us with his arms folded leaning against the wall. "Normally it takes them a while to get used to new people."

I look up at him and smile. "I have a pup of my own. Maybe they can smell her."

He chuckles and sits with us, his arm draped over the top of the couch behind me.

"So," I begin, rubbing Pongo's belly and turning to Josh. "What's on the menu for tonight?"

He smiles, looking back at the stove. "Garlic butter shrimp pasta with some oven roasted veggies on the side."

My stomach growls at the sound of it and faint smells coming from the kitchen. "That sounds amazing. I can't wait."

He smiles and we continue to play with the dogs until dinner is ready.

"Josh holy shit," I say, covering my mouth as I chew a piece of shrimp. "This is amazing!"

He smiles proudly, taking a sip from his wine glass. "I'm so glad you like it. I've been working on the recipe for a while."

"Feels like it's perfected now," I reply, setting my fork down and picking up my wine glass.

He chuckles and we spend the rest of dinner getting to know each other.

From dinner I found out that:

- he's full blown Samoan

- the term "uce" means brother / bro

- he was born in San Francisco, raised in Pensacola, and moved to Atlanta a few years ago

- he has 2 sons named Jeyce and Jaciyah

- he has 6 siblings including a twin brother named Jonathan

"So," he begins. "If you don't mind me asking, what do you do?"

I take a sip of wine before answering. "Well, I've been into wrestling for a little bit now. I got signed to NXT a couple weeks ago."

A gorgeous smile appears on his face. "That's awesome Gi! Congrats!"

I giggle. "Thank you! And you said you're already in WWE, right?"

"Yup," he replies, nodding. "I debuted with my brother back in 2010."

I smile, tilting my head. "That's awesome that you guys have been in it together the whole time."

He smiles, folding his arms and leaning on the island. "Yeah it's been one hell of a ride. But I'm grateful for him."

We talk more throughout the night and it's honestly such a good time.

It sounds weird, but I feel safe with him.

Despite me meeting him less than 12 hours ago.

—————————————————————————————————

It's now 9pm, almost 2 hours since we finished dinner, and we're sat in the backyard near his fire pit.

"Nice out tonight, huh?" he asks, looking up at the sky, which is filled with stars and a crescent moon.

I nod, smiling, just watching the fire. "It really is."

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him look down at me and kinda just watch me for a while.

After a few moments, I grow the confidence to look back, which causes a shy smile to appear on both of our faces.

"You okay?" I ask, placing my hand on his thigh softly.

"All good," he replies. "You really are gorgeous by the way."

My cheeks turn red hot and I look down shyly, picking the blanket that he brought out for us up to my chin. "Thank you, Josh."

He chuckles and scoots in closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

I get goosebumps at the feeling of his warm and soft hand on my skin.

"Don't get all shy now love," he teases. "You were just touching my thigh a second ago."

I playfully roll my eyes, giggling. "It's not my fault you're fine as hell, sir."

He raises his eyebrows as if he's shocked. "Fine as hell, huh?"

I nod confidently, trying to swallow every last bit of nervousness. "You know you are."

He pretends to have long hair and flicks it off his shoulders.

We share a laugh and he cups my face, stroking my cheek with his thumb.

"You have a real nice smile too," he continues, cupping my face and stroking my cheek with his thumb.

I try to put my head down shyly again, but he lifts my chin before I can, allowing us to lock eyes.

We both slowly lean in and, soon enough, our lips are connected in the sweetest and most romantic kiss I've ever experienced.

With every stroke, our lips move in sync and his hands wander further and further along my sides.

Eventually, we pull away slowly and I bite my bottom lip softly.

"You're a good kisser," I say, just above a whisper, my hands still playing with his dreamy curls.

He chuckles and takes a strand of hair away from my face. "So are you, mama. I could kiss those lips forever."

"What's stopping you?" I tease, brushing my nose against his.

He smirks and connects our lips again, this time far more passionately.

The kiss lasts about 5 minutes - tongue included and everything - and not gonna lie, I was a little bummed when it finally ended.

"This is gonna sound a little upfront and please let me know if you think it's too soon," he begins, stroking my side. "But...I haven't felt this way since I first started dating my ex wife so it must be true."

I tilt my head, rubbing soft circles his back. "What's that?"

He smiles and stares directly into my eyes. "I think I'm in love with you, baby."

I bite my bottom lip gently and take a deep breath before finally speaking up to respond. "I'm in love with you too."

He raises an eyebrow. "Really? You are?"

I nod, smiling. "I think so. And I’m willing to find out for sure.”

He lets out a sigh of relief and wraps me into a warm hug, and I immediately hug back.

"I was so nervous that you'd whack me across the face or something," he confesses once we pull away, making me giggle.

"Now why would I look to do damage to a face as handsome as yours?" I tease, playing with his beard.

He chuckles and pulls me in for another kiss.

Our third of the night.

And hopefully the third of many more to come.

After a little while more of hanging out and enjoying each other's company, it gets pitch black outside.

"I should probably start heading home," I exclaim, rubbing the bicep of his arm that's wrapped around my waist.

He sighs. "You sure you can't stay?"

I lay my head on his shoulder and kiss his jaw. "I'd love to, but not tonight."

He kisses my temple and gets up, holding out his hand. "I understand, baby. Come on, I'll walk you out."

I smile and take it, getting up.

I crouch down to his pups and say goodbye with tummy rubs and lots of kisses. "I'll see you guys soon."

They respond with barks and licks to my face.

Josh smiles, watching us before I stand back up and take his hand once more.

We head out to my car, share a couple more kisses, a little more small talk, and I head off.

—————————————————————————————————

I park in my driveway and automatically take notice to a bouquet of pink roses sitting at my front door.

Once I make it to them, I smile, reading the note attached:

Thank you for the best night I've had in a while. I'm so happy we met earlier today, even though it feels like I've known you forever. I hope you enjoy these and I'll see you soon. ❤️

- Love, Josh

I place the note in my pocket and pick up the bouquet, smelling the flowers.

I head inside, set my stuff down, and immediately text him.

Gianna ❤️: You're adorable! 🥹

Josh 🩵: You like them baby?

Gianna ❤️: I love them. They're beautiful. Thank you. 🤍

Josh 🩵: Just like you. You're welcome mama. ❤️

You loved "Just like you. You're welcome mama. ❤️"

It hasn't even been a full 24 hours, and I already love him more than anything.

Liked by uceyjucey, wwenxt, cmpunk, trickwilliams_wwe, and 154.6k others

giannamacri happy 👼🏽🤍

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uceyjucey Gorgeous ma 🩵

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wwenxt We love a happy girl! 🥰

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[jakeyt]

Covet: Chapter 12 (Pt 2 of 3)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!Reader

Covet Summary: Life was good. No, life was great. Was. 

Until.

Jake Kiszka crashed into the picture.

You welcomed him into your life—your home. Yes, he was your best friend’s twin. But, he was also the one who would end up disrupting your whole world with his attitude, his troubles, and the annoyingly natural way he lured you in. 

Jake came with so much you really didn’t want.

...At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.

Warnings: MINORS DNI (18+); angst; tension; anger; crying + feelings of sadness; self deprecation; body changes as a result of pregnancy; talks of baby + pregnancy; jealous!reader; jealous!jake (my fav); wet jake in the shower (!!); lotssss of nakedness (!!!); oral sex f!receiving; fingering; almost p in v (like..so close...i am v sorry); pregnancy hormones of multiple variety; reader is always emotional and stubborn (love u, sweet girl); INFIDELITY; talks of cheating/wanting to cheat on (obnoxious) partner; important issues addressed over texting; joshy + elsie continue to come in clutch fr (as usual, PLEASE lmk if i missed anything that is triggering to you!)

Chapter 12 (Part 2) Word Count: 32.8k+ (i will just continue saying to plz blame the characters. they have a mind of their own + I simply can't control them... however, my evil mind does like to give in to their evil ways...)

a/n: i would have been doing this chapter a total disservice if i hadn't included everything i've had outlined for it... and if i didn't give in to the evil voices when they told me to keep going with my evil thoughts... hence why this chapter is now t h r e e (punch me) parts instead of two. (i need to be taken away lmao)

god, i love this chapter...... and it just gets even ~~~better~~~ in pt 3... ;) hehe

aka: methinks the teasing should come to an end for now, hm? ;) (my outline that began two years ago is helping me to stick to this rather than being mean and dragging it out any longer lol -- slowburn is my krypto)

as always, big thank you to @joshym for being the best sister there ever was and supporting me in my writings + pursuits + listening to every time i have anxiety over my writings <3 i love you to the ends of the earth, lis. you're my person. <3

an additional thank u to @builtbybrokenbells and @alwaysonthemend. <3 <3 <3 THANK YOU, my loves, for always having the right words to encourage me amidst ~~A L L~~ of life’s stresses. I love you guys so much - you know I'd be lost w/out you :')

Also, to my friend @gretavangroupie, consider this my belated birthday gift to you, lovely <3

Please enjoy the playlist as you read (there's officially a new cover for the latter part of the story!) 🖤 (fr, i listen to it nonstop when i write this.... all of the songs are pertinent to the story and aid in telling it - either already or eventually.)

Covet Masterlist

"[The] desire of having is the sin of covetousness."

William Shakespeare

Without any hesitation, he was stepping over the ledge of the bathtub, still fully clothed, until his boots were sloshing in the shallow puddle of water that swooshed to the drain. 

His hands found your body soon, igniting a fire under your already-heated skin. He guided you back a bit – until you were pressed against the wall furthest from the shower stream. He was getting drenched, but he’d made sure to get you out of it. He held your waist the best he could with the new addition of the baby bump, but still managed to hold you in such a way that showed you he was in charge. 

The way he held you reminded you that you were nothing more than putty in his strong hands.

Then, he was going to grant your request.

The words "Kiss me, Jake" were ringing on a loop in your head.

Leaning in to you, his grip on you, so firm, steady, sure. . . . You could see every intricate detail of his plush, pink lips as he came closer. Your heart fluttered in your chest. You were ready to feel his lips on yours. 

He was near enough for you to see the stubble coming in above his lip. By the day, he seemed to become less and less concerned about staying completely clean shaven. . . . and you were rejoicing for it.

Though, before you could study any other detail, his hands dropped from around your waist. You studied him in a panic. What was he-? His eyebrows were dipping in with doubt as he pulled away. Fuck. No no no no no please –.

“I–I can’t–,” he shook his head, now drenched from the spray of the shower. You followed his lead, pulling into yourself and away from him - the best you could - to protect yourself. And, even though you wanted to cover yourself, you couldn’t for fear of slipping. You looked away from his face, instead scanning his body as he stood before you, tense and unmoving. 

You noticed, though, that he wasn’t getting out of the shower. He’d only distanced himself. But if he was already regretting this, why wasn’t he moving? Goddammit. Your heart started to split in your chest. . . You were so confused and so vulnerable. He’d just encouraged you to open up completely for him. . . only for him to decide against this – against you.

“Do you not want me?” You asked, voice messy with unshed tears. Your line of sight landed on your own feet, refusing to look at him as your temperature spiked with aggravation. “Because, shit, Jake – I told you! I fucking told you we shouldn’t – but now you have me fucking shaking. And — goddammit! It’s not fair for you to get me to admit those things and then bail as soon as you–!”

“Y/n,” he growled your name, commanding your eyes to land on his. His stare was intense, just as it had been before he’d moved away. There was irritation flaring in his irises, though. Towards you or himself, you couldn’t tell. All that mattered to you was that he stepped closer once more, boot heel clicking. Your heart hammered in your chest. “I’m not going to fucking bail. I told you I wanted to please you and I plan on keeping my damn promise. I want to taste you, feel you so fucking badly. . . I just–,” he shook his head with a growl, messing with his wet hair a bit, pushing it from his forehead.

Your heart was pounding in your ears, your chest hot and your core clenching at nothing watching him pushing his wet hair away from his forehead. . . Drops of water, dripping down his chin. You didn’t know how to respond. In your life, you weren’t sure you’d ever felt this sexually stimulated. It had to be the baby hormones. The way you were feeling at the present moment had you wanting to crawl out of your skin and into his. Your body was on fire, a collection of electric sparks under your skin, begging to light up. You knew pregnancy hormones could make a woman feel crazy, but you hadn’t truly understood. Not until now, completely naked and ready in front of the only man you wanted. 

You were starting to feel as though you would stop at nothing to have him inside of you. Like, murder might even happen to have him, quite frankly. Anyone who might stand in your way was not safe as you continued to buzz with anticipation that wouldn’t dissipate in the dense, humid air of the shower. Doing the only thing you could do, you chose to admire what was in front of you.  His shirt was opened to the middle of his abdomen on what you knew to be a chilly December evening, daring him to catch a damn cold. 

But. . . the sight made you anything but cold–no, seeing his perfectly toned chest heaving and soaking wet. . . it made your entire body flame. You felt red-fucking-hot as you watched each and every breath – inhale, exhale. . . . in and out. . . in and out. . . His shirt was light blue, the water soaking through the material to make it nearly transparent. It gave you a glimpse at everything beneath his shirt. . . You honed in on his pecs, firm muscle underneath waiting to be gripped. You needed to put your hands on him again. You needed to feel the smooth skin of his chest–with your hands, tongue. . . anything. Needed to feel him. So, you did what your body told you to do at that moment. 

Taking one wary (and brave) step forward, you reached your hand out timidly, giving him space to stop you if he needed to. But, he didn’t stop you. When you glanced up at his face to read his reaction, he was watching your hand move, mouth agape at the action. You could finally feel his warm breath on your cheek again as you took one more step towards him. Without any more thought, you placed your delicate hand on the exposed part of his tanned chest. And, daring to feel more, you slipped your palm underneath his button-down shirt to feel the taut muscle on one side of his chest.

His breath caught at the motion. It felt like sweet relief to be touching him like this again. His chest flexed under your hand with the sharp intake of breath. Your breaths were uneven, too, not daring to breathe too harshly to scare him away. This moment felt so eerily similar to a moment so long ago – that first game night. The moment you’d been dared by the stupid ass card game to touch him. But this time–this time felt worlds different than that night at the beginning of summer. There was history now. A baby you’d made together, for God’s sake. So much more between these two people in this moment of time. And this meant you knew how to read his body. . . He wanted this. You knew he did. You knew him.

So, it was no surprise to you when he took a steady step forward, very nearly meeting the front of your body with his. You knew it was going to happen before it did; you knew that his hand would reach up to touch your chest as well. You watched his hand as he followed through on your prediction. Though, he didn’t touch your breast like you expected. No, he balanced his hand above your heart, where it beat furiously for him. Your nipples were impossibly hard, straining at how close he was. They were so tight it almost hurt. The kind of pain that could only be soothed by him.

“Jake,” you begged, his name saying everything you couldn’t say. Your thighs rubbed together of their own accord, desperate. “Please.”

And there it was. His hand immediately went to hold your swollen, sore breast. It seemed the only relief your chest could find was from his touch. You gripped his chest tighter, having to hold on to something. Your other hand, reaching forward to pull at the soaked linen of his shirt at his waist. Every movement he made on you, you traced with your eyes. Memorized every touch. Your legs continued to work at creating friction with every movement of his gentle massage on your breast. His other hand came up to hold your hip, gripping you with a sure hold. Chest heaving, your nipple, so sensitive and taut beneath his palm, your body – pleading for more. Still. You needed more. As his hand moved away from the front of your breast, he went to hold the underside of it. He held it so securely in his grip. 

You noticed how much bigger your tits looked in his hands than before the baby.  They filled his hand completely now, some of your chest even spilled out from the side of his splayed palm. Your chest was officially too big to fully fit in his strong hand. But that didn’t deter him for a second. As his fingers on your hip flexed around your smooth skin, he brought you closer to him by the sensitive flesh of your breast. A whine sprung from your chest at the added pressure to the left side and the severely tight nipple of your other tit connecting with his wet chest. He brought you closer to him, skillfully kneading your flesh in his hand like you’d needed so desperately. Relief. Sweet fucking relief. And suddenly, you were so close to him. Just close enough to feel his dick straining against your hip, in his pants. . . Fucking shit. You almost lost your balance. 

“Jake,” you were whining, outright. It was pitiful as hell. But – you couldn’t give two flying fucks. 

“I–I can’t kiss your lips,” he breathed, voice gravelly and low above you, floating directly to your ear. You finally looked up from watching his hand, waiting for him to continue. There was more he wanted to say, it was obvious. “That’s–I have to keep something that is unique and sacred to my relationship. Does that make sense?”

“Yes.” It did. It made complete sense and you admired his feeble attempt at saving one thing for her. . . but, you couldn’t help that it cracked your heart the slightest bit that you weren’t able to feel his lips against yours. Fuck Maya for that one specifically, honestly. 

The tears were welling in your eyes all on their own–couldn’t stop them if you tried. Although, you couldn’t tell if they were from baby hormones or an honest result of the new crease left in your heart at him so obviously not being yours. He belonged to her – not to you. And the lack of kissing was a painful, blatant reminder of that. Kissing him had been something so normal and familiar only a few months ago, you could have kissed him any time you wanted (well, almost any time. . . but still). And . . . you’d given that up. Given him up. Desperate to feel anything from him, anything he could give you, there was only one question that lingered in your mind, weighing heavily like bricks on your tense shoulders.

“What can you do?” Your voice broke with the wetness in your throat, a tear stupidly trickled down your face. 

His grip on your breast stayed firm, his hand going to cover the expanse of it. You moaned, your eyes fluttering closed a bit at the feeling. The hand from your hip reached to wipe your cheek of a few more stray tears. “Shhh,” he hushed gently. 

Playing it off the best you could, you offered him a half-assed response. “Don’t ask me why the tears are happening –it’s–it’s the baby hormones,” you sniffed again, willing the tears to go away. 

And, thankfully, they did. Once they’d subsided, his fingers carefully trailed to the other breast, your hand still on his chest, nearly clawing at his skin with each measured press of his hands at your aching breasts. Your hand trailed up to hold his neck, around his arms on you. Your thumb smoothed at the flesh behind his ear. God, you’d missed holding him and you really loved that spot behind his ear. . . couldn’t explain it. You sniffled. Despite your sadness, your body sparking, growing goosebumps rapidly at the way he was stimulating you so deliciously. Your thighs worked hard to ease the throb between your legs. 

“How does it feel?”

“So fucking good,” you grit out, your hand gripping gently at the roots of his long hair, darkened and soaking wet from the water flowing from the showerhead. “How do you know how to–? They hurt when anyone else holds them. . . but not with you– how?”

“I was determined to find out how to make you feel good,” he replied with a hoarse chuckle before he cleared his throat. “I have been doing research,” he smirked, his eyes connecting with yours. You felt your cheeks warm. His hands began a new pattern lazily and intentionally adding pressure to the areas that needed it most. He was trying his best to give equal treatment to both of them, you could tell. 

And dammit if he wasn’t doing the most impeccable fucking job at it. You gasped at the additional pressure on both sides as he pressed up, around, and over. . . covered every inch of your chest with his skilled hands. His dark eyes found yours as soon as you’d gasped, a small, secret smile on his face. The grin you gave him in response was bashful, cheeks flaring a deep pink in the soft moment.

He continued his words as he worked his hands so intentionally against your swollen, aching chest. “I’ve been reading on how to pleasure pregnant women– what to do to make them feel better. . . since your body’s changing and shit, I know it’s gonna be a little different than before,” he explained. You observed how he seemed to study your chest intently. He was invested in the task, manipulating the supple flesh in his practiced hands. “And you told me that your tits have been sore, so I’ve been reading how to help that specifically. I didn’t think I’d actually get to try it out on you – but, here we are,” he smirked, his eyes connecting with yours once more as he raised a brow. 

Didn’t think he’d ‘get to try it out on you’. 

You blushed, continuing to watch him in awe, the way his brows furrowed, his eyes going back to his hands. You decided to follow his eyes with your own. God bless America. Truly, watching his hands at work was just as bad as surveying his features. Your nerves were on fire and you felt your muscles tighten at your center, needing his touch in a million places at once.

“And, when pregnant women have sore tits, it apparently helps to massage them and apply pressure,” he continued, informing you of his research while doing just as he said. “So, I thought I’d try that.”

He kneaded and pressed against your heavy chest. As he continued with those motions, his thumbs reached to stroke the nipples. All of it, all at once. Every single nerve ending on your body was warm and tingling. Your eyes closed in sweet ecstasy, your head unwittingly going to lay against the shower wall with one particular motion, your back arching into his hands. Your hand dropped from behind his head instead gripping the shower wall. Now you were holding on on both sides. Literally bracing yourself. Shit. It was embarrassing as fuck how pliant your body was to him and his skill. You were completely gone for this man. With another mewl, you bucked your hips in his direction. 

Goddammit. Words, y/n. Words. He’s conversing. “W-what else did you find in your research?” You gasped, opening your eyes to observe his hands move just so, his thumbs tracing the buds of your nipples as he cradled the underside of your tits. He was doing the most incredible job at keeping the heavy feeling off of you. He was literally taking the weight off of you and handling it himself. It was heaven.

You looked up to catch his eyes and saw he was still concentrating on his actions. “For sore tits or overall pleasure?” He pondered, eyebrow raising again as he glanced at you and caught your line of sight. 

“Pleasure,” you breathed, feeling his hands come to a devastating halt on your chest, smoothing over your sides before he dropped them completely. Goddammit, Jake. Don’t stop. “All of it.”

“I know that some pregnant women really like being touched and have a pretty high libido,” he paused, bringing his hands up to push his soaking wet hair back. “But I also found that other pregnant women experience the exact opposite – have an aversion to sex.” He eyed you, squinting with a knowing smirk. “I could probably guess which type you are by how much you loved that just now, but . . . I want you to tell me. High libido or low?”

“Well,” you paused, your legs suddenly feeling like Jell-o. So, not wanting to fall or some shit, when he’d successfully pushed his hair back, you reached both hands up to wrap around the base of his head, your fingers working at their own massage against his scalp. The hum that sounded from his chest, along with the searing hot look he gave you as he gazed down at you, inspired you to work more intentionally. His eyebrows raised at one point, eyes closing briefly at one particular run of your fingernails against his scalp. 

You kept on, his eyes lazily finding yours when you began speaking; he sleepily blinked his heavy lids open. “I–I haven’t really felt a high libido for anyone but you. . . I don’t think I’d want it from anyone else right now. . . So, I don’t know what that makes me. High, maybe?” You pondered aloud, wanting his opinion of your predicament. “. . .Does it count if I only truly want you?”

“Fuck. Are you serious?” You watched one hand reach between you to rub against the strain at his zipper. The other hand came to your hip, pulling you into him further, then moving down to your ass to pay attention to the muscle you’d told him was sore earlier. Your sighs filled the air, your senses overwhelmed by him. He rasped his next question, voice so low between the two of you. “You only want me?”

“Only you,” you confirmed, the honest words brushing against his face as you leaned just a bit closer with your quiet, sighed response. 

Then his face was stern, one brow raised skeptically at you as his jaw set. The muscle in his cheek flexed as his eyes burned holes through you. “What about the noises you were making with Theo?” He implored, not angry, per se. Just serious. He was genuinely wondering. “Seemed pretty into it with him, too.”

“It was fake,” you confessed, looking away from him briefly, your hands halting their movements. Suddenly embarrassed and nervous at the memory. You didn’t want to be thinking of that nimrod. Your hands fell from around his neck as you curled in on yourself in slight shame, instead interlacing to cradle the bottom of your belly. “I took too long for him. He didn’t try at all to get me there. He was shit at everything he tried.” Then, you gained just enough confidence to look back to Jake with your next words. Needed him to understand and believe you. “And he’s not you. I don’t think any other man will ever make me fall apart the way you do.”

Jake seemed to relax at that, another, tiny step towards you, sure of himself all over again. He’d just needed the reassurance, because now he was eyeing you like he fucking owned you. And you weren’t sure if he did or didn’t at this point. You were ashamed to admit that he most likely did in fact own your body. It was his. All his. Honestly, he could do whatever the fuck he wanted to you and you would say thank you every damn time. His boots, still on and clicked against the tub. His confidence made your legs shake. Your fingers, wrapped at the bottom of your belly, loosening with your body. Opened up for him with ease as he got closer to you. Your eyes flicked to where you saw movement at his waist and you saw his hand find his dick again, gripping it to relieve himself however he could. Fuckfuckfuck.

“So, if I were to get on my knees right now and fuck you with my tongue. . . you’d say you have a high libido?” 

“So fucking high,” you sighed, desperate. Ready. Aching for it.

“Thank fucking God,” he growled. And with one more push of his hand against himself, he moaned under his breath, and snaked a hand around your waist to reach for your ass. Your body leaned towards him, welcoming the touch. And with one sure grip to your ass, he grasped both of your hips, holding you to him tightly, his dick pressed snugly to the juncture between your hip and belly. Your arms found his neck, wrapping around it to bring him closer. “Well, I’ve found there are countless positions to try, but I think the one I’m going to try is going to feel–.”

“The one? Don’t tell me you’re going to cut it off at all of the other shit, too,” you said, backing away from him, pushing him away a bit. Yes, you were pouting. His hands dropped from you as you let go of his neck. Your arms went to cross under your breasts. “No kissing, so what’s next? What can’t you do? You never answered that.”

He started unbuttoning his sopping wet shirt. And when it was finally completely off, he reached up to drape it across the bar of the shower head before turning a bit to angle the shower head more towards the wall than him. Your eyes tracked every. single. movement. The way his bicep rippled slightly with the stretch, the way his abdomen flexed. . . every muscle, so beautiful in its prominence beneath his soft skin. When he was back from his task and looking at you again, shirtless, you couldn’t help but let your eyes wander the tan skin (how was it fair for him to be so damn tan in the winter time?). He cleared his throat, bringing your attention to his face once more. The smirk on his lips and the way his eyebrow was arched pissed you the fuck off. Was this amusing to him?

“You think it’s funny? How turned on I am and you can barely do a damned thing about it? Even though you led me to believe you could?”

“Who the fuck said I couldn’t?”

“You just said you can’t–.”

“You didn’t let me finish, y/n,” he reasoned. “I was going to say I can’t do that right now. I literally just told you I was going to tongue fuck you, babe. I want to focus on you before we get to sex.”

Before we get to sex. . . so he was planning on . . . more? Deciding to ignore that dangerous train of thought for the time being, you huffed, your arms still crossed at the top of your rounded abdomen. “Well, I’m just confused.”

“The only thing I told you I can’t do is kiss your lips,” he reminded you, his thumb coming up to briefly touch your full lips. His eyes followed his action, your lips still pursed in annoyance as you challenged him with your expression and stance. But you were wavering – quickly. Especially any time your eyes followed a drop of water from his shoulder, all the way to the waistband of his dark jeans. And every time you caught sight of the raging imprint in his jeans. . . “Y/n.”

Embarrassed and flushed, you flicked your eyes back to his face. You covered it up with indignance and frustration, your arms tightening in their position. “What, Jake?”

“I will do anything else you need,” he affirmed, taking a tentative step towards you, boots clicking against the floor of the tub. He got close once more, coming near enough that you pressed yourself against the back wall of the shower again. Your body betrayed you, your nipples once again peaking at his proximity. “And right now, I intend on doing what I’ve told you I’m going to do,” his eyes trailed to where your thighs were still pressed to relieve the persistent pulse below your belly. 

“Goddammit, Jacob,” you breathed with a roll of your eyes, arching yourself off of the wall towards him, just in time for him to meet you halfway. He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tightly to him, your belly between you not letting you get quite as close as you used to. “Then fucking do it–please.”

He leaned forward and for a moment you thought he was going to betray his ‘one rule’. But instead, he kissed behind your ear, right where you liked to kiss him. Then, he trailed his mouth down the column of your throat. He alternated pecks and open mouthed kisses, all the way to your shoulders, collarbones. . . You sighed, completely at his mercy. When he found your left breast, he gave it the most attention. 

He licked around the sensitive nipple of your left breast, mirroring it with the right. At which, he elicited a moan that quickly progressed into a very whiny wail from you. “Fuck! Fuck, yes!” You cried, grasping his wet hair, not sure how to stop yourself if you fell – your shaking knees were bound to betray you, you could feel it. “This is so fucking wrong.”

“I. Don’t. Care,” he growled against the wet, supple skin of your breast. Every word, emphasized with a lick around your tender, hardened flesh.

Your train of thought was halted – lost all thought in your brain at him full-on kissing your nipples. He’d begun giving them kisses just like he would your mouth. Soft lips and wet tongue enveloping the entirety of the bud, tilting his head to the side to get the best angle possible. His nose nudged against your swollen breast as he continued lapping at you. He went back and forth, offering the same to both of your tits, several times over. A shaky hand reached out to tangle in his drenched hair as you tried to properly breathe. You were going to finish from this alone if it kept on much longer. You watched him in pure astonishment, his eyebrows knit in concentration. Then, as if things could get any worse (better?) he moaned – the action vibrating against your skin.

Your hips jolted up enough that they collided with his, just barely. But enough that both of you groaned in unison at the contact, his hard dick enticing you as you felt it, only a thin barrier of clothing between you. . . You felt your pussy flex at nothing, your thighs feeling the wet result of your arousal. But–you hadn’t finished yet. . . Not yet. Though, you knew you were so damn close. . .

“Don’t cum yet,” he commanded, mumbling around your nipple. Your nipples, usually so fucking sore, but feeling like they were made of sparklers, electric under his soft mouth. “‘M not done yet.”

“But– I can’t– a-ah-ah!,” you moaned, your body beginning to lose its fight to stand up straight, near to giving out. “I can’t hold on for much longer, Jake. Please. I promise I’ll cum again for you,” you swore, your fingers lacing even tighter into his long, chestnut locks. “Please, baby.”

“Not fucking yet,” he bit out, his dark eyes meeting yours from their place at your full breasts. Then, he winked, making you throb from that gesture alone. Fuck. You weren’t sure you could do as he said. 

He went back to giving your body kisses, this time trailing back up to your face, little pecks covering every expanse of skin on your flushed face. Then, with one gentle kiss to the tip of your nose, he reached a hand up to hold your cheek. His eyes held yours, open and vulnerable under his stare. So soft, he spoke to you with fervor in his tone. “I promise it’ll be better if you just wait, baby.”

Pinching your eyes shut, you laid your head against the wall in frustration. “Fine,” you griped, hands tightening in his hair. 

His mouth worked its way back down your body. He started by giving sloppy kisses to your collarbones, but ended up lowering to his knees as he continued, all the way to your hips – covering each one. Once there, his hands replaced his mouth and started kneading at the flesh at your hips. “Y/n, honey.” 

You heard the smooth velvet of his tone and couldn’t deny him your attention. Blinking your eyes open took a little more effort than you would have liked, but you couldn’t help it with how delirious you felt.

“Mm?” You hummed, your eyes fluttering a little, vision blurry until you looked down and saw his handsome face, loosely grinning, right next to the spot you wanted him most. It made butterflies fly erratically in your tummy. For all intents and purposes, it was a very tranquil, tender moment. Seeing him next to you like that again. 

His eyes said a thousand words, but you got an inside look at his mind when he spoke next. “I have been dreaming of this happening again for a long time,” he softly spoke, almost inaudible with the water behind him if your ears weren’t completely alert and opened for him. 

“Your body has always been the most exquisitely breathtaking sight. . . But it’s infinitely more beautiful now. You rival any other woman that has ever walked this planet, carrying my baby or not – but goddamn,” he sucked in a breath before leaning forward and kissing the bottom of your belly so gently, lovingly. His eyes were still tied up in yours, never leaving as he bared his heart. “If you being this goddess – this picturesque image of pregnancy isn’t haunting my every waking thought. And it’s just going to be even worse now that I’ve seen you naked like this.” One hand slid from your left hip to your ass, gripping the flesh surely in his palm, leaning forward to place one more kiss to your belly, a little wetter than the last. “Deliciously fuller – in every way that might make your body even more perfect to me.”

Before you could say anything in response to that, his mouth kept moving downward. Your eyes were watering at his words and you had to reach a hand to wipe at your eyes with a sniffle. You didn’t think you’d ever heard something so ideally timed in your life. He was fucking perfect – remedying every insecurity a pregnant woman might have. His hands did a stellar job at holding you against the wall to prevent a fall, both of his hands firmly placed, once more, on your hips where his thumbs kneaded circles into the muscle. His hold on you was strong and intent. It was fucking heaven. His thumbs moved and pressed with purpose, working the tired joints. 

“My hips– Jake, god. . . thank you,” you sighed, your eyes closing at the way your body felt weightless under his hands and mouth. 

Suddenly, his mouth was on your thighs, going back and forth between each leg until he reached your knees, stopping there. He was obviously intent on holding you upright as he knelt before you. You opened your eyes, suddenly desiring to see him again, and you watched as he gave your thighs unrelenting attention. You watched in wonder as he very slowly started to work his way to where you needed him most. And once he got there, he gave you a dark look that made your knees nearly buckle. Then, he began on you, wasting absolutely zero time. There was no warning for his mouth meeting your searing hot, wet heat. 

“Oh-oh-oh, J-Jake, f-fuck, yes!” You were nearly incoherent, but who would expect any different when you had Jake Kiszka making out with your wet and waiting pussy. You’d been aching and waiting to have this again for so fucking long. . . The slew of curse words and moans that escaped your lips were useless, as they all came out as jumbled non-words. Utterly unintelligible.

His tongue was inching closer and closer to your opening, not even daring to edge towards your clit yet. You clenched your jaw, a low mewl coming from your lips, unable to do anything but watch him. Your eyes couldn’t dare to leave the sight in front of you. He was taking his time to lap at your folds, soaked and fluttering for him. Your hips jerked forward, not able to stop the way his lips and tongue were setting you on fire near the point of retaliation. You were trembling, your body not working on its own at all to hold you up. You were dependent on his death grip, now back on your hips, steadying you. He was pressing you so hard to the wall – you just fucking hoped that he left bruises in the wake of his fingertips. Wanted—no, needed— to remember this.

He kept on with his work for a bit longer before you felt a few chillier drops of water spring from the shower head, onto your skin. Fuck no. And, of course, as if on cue, Jake backed away, wiping the corners of his mouth with the pad of his right thumb, his left hand still holding you to the wall. 

“I swear to god, Jacob Thomas, if you fucking stop because of some cold wa– oh!” 

And he was back, licking up every bit of early release at your heat. You couldn’t catch a breath to finish what you were saying as he added his fingers to the mix, twirling his pointer and middle fingers through your soaking folds, as his tongue tapped at your over sensitive bundle of nerves. And as his tongue flattened on you, his fingers simultaneously met your entrance. 

But, he stopped there. And you knew why. 

His attention was set and stuck on your comfort first and foremost. And you knew he could tell you were getting cold with the addition of the less-than tepid water. You were shivering, only in the slightest, in spite of your determination to continue — more from the cool temperature of the water (and the apartment), than his mouth and hands. But it could’ve been because of his touch. . . You willed him to not catch on and to just keep going. 

But you knew it wouldn’t work out like that. You already accepted the fact that he knew it wasn’t wholly because of his mouth that you were trembling. Your skin hadn't even grown goosebumps yet from the chill, and still his eyes caught yours in a steady trance. He raised a brow at the openly petulant look painted on your features at his pause. He cracked a smile; he could read you so damn well. You wanted to simply blame it on the connection you had to him by carrying his baby. But, his instincts of your impending reactions had always come incredibly quickly. Before the baby he’d always seen right through you, just the same. 

“Jake, please. Don’t stop,” you ridiculously whined, in spite of your chitter-chattering teeth. 

“You’re cold, y/n,” he clarified, as if you didn’t know. “Literally shaking.”

His observant tone, in true fashion, worked to piss you off. But, you were still hazy from his ongoing touch, so you closed your eyes to center yourself. 

Because, he might’ve moved his mouth, but he’d kept his fingers at your core. His fiery touch worked to warm your body the best it could. His fingers were lodged deep enough that when he went to bend them, the knuckles in the palm of his hand grazed your clit. And, the pads at the base of his two fingers nudged inside of you, just under the skin that housed the nerves. He was nestled so deep, continuing to elicit electric stimulation at your core. And the calluses of his fingertips were the perfect addition of friction to your swollen heat. He wrapped his hand against you, staying situated where he was. His other hand stayed firm on your hip, not letting go for anything. Wanted to keep you balanced.

You bit your lip, your head laying against the shower wall. You could barely concentrate on the fact that he’d spoken at all.  When you leaned off of the wall the best you could, you opened your eyes. Instantly, it felt like you were going to slip with the movement. But, just when your foot dared to lose balance, his hold on your hip tightened further. His fingers began to twirl within you, his palm ghosted over your clit with every purposeful jerk of his fingers. Your walls fluttered at the way he kept you going with one hand, while steadying your body in unison with the other.

He wasn’t saying anything further. Just kept going. Your hope grew that he hadn’t stopped. And the ball in the pit of your belly threatened to unravel with a figure eight movement he’d begun where his palm kept fitting to your tight, tingling nub as his fingers swirled. 

You quickly came to find out how focused he’d still been on your chilliness though. Turning around without you realizing it, fingers still distracting you, tucked between your folds, he switched the shower off. 

“Jake!” You complained for no reason whatsoever. Well. . . you knew why you were complaining. You were worried — didn’t want to lose this. You’d been so close. “Do not let this be the fucking en–.”

“Y/n. You’ve gotta trust me. I’ve kept my fingers where they are to show you — I’m not done,” he responded, tone lacking tolerance for your quip. “Can you just be fucking patient?” “You’re not being patient!” 

“How in the hell am I not being patient?!” 

“Your voice tells me so,” you argued, hearing the way it sounded ridiculous as soon as you said it. You shook your head, body shaking from the cool nip of the bathroom air and your soaking wet body. He was also trembling, his body just as wet as yours. The sight made your heart falter in your chest at the idea of him being cold, too. You’d been too busy worrying about yourself to think of him.

So, when he removed his fingers, yes, it aggravated you. . . but you’d started considering his chilliness enough that you weren’t going to chew him out. And, you couldn’t stay mad for long anyways. Seconds later, he was once again eliciting a dazed moan from you. As soon as he’d removed his fingers from you, he was bringing them up to his mouth, placing them on his waiting tongue before locking his lips around them to suck your arousal off. He closed his eyes, furrowing his brow and groaning in the process, his opinion of the way you tasted apparent. Holy fucking hell. 

“Taste good?” You asked, trying to sound snarky, but failing from the way your breath had escaped your lungs. 

When his fingers left his mouth, he slowly started to stand, eyes connecting to and never leaving yours. His grip on your hip not giving up a single bit in the process. Once he was standing at full height again, he slid the shower curtain open, eyes staying hooked on yours. He grabbed the towel hanging on the wall rack, momentarily leaving your gaze. But, as soon as he had the towel in his hands, his eyes snapped back to your waiting stare. 

“Fucking delicious. You taste better than anything – always have. . . No other woman compares. But. . . it’s–it’s even more-so now,” he paused, releasing your hip and motioning for you to come towards his arms with the fluffy, waiting towel. You turned your back to him, holding your arms out a little so he could wrap the towel at your back and handed you the rest to finish wrapping yourself. 

He kept talking as you cinched the white towel around yourself, your breasts not appreciating the way you tucked the material tight around your chest. You groaned at the feeling, pissed with the fact that your body was so sore.

Jake’s eyebrows knitted together in worry. “You okay?”

You nodded grumpily, carefully turning to face him. “Yes,” you grumbled. “It’s my boobs. They just ache all of the time. . . milk has officially started coming in, according to my readings. And I believe it with the way they're hurting right now. My tits have been a lovely focal point of change this entire time, but right now. . ."

"Yeah, I can't imagine how much they must hurt with how they've grown." There was no missing the way he bit his lip, eyes darkening. He licked his lips, smoothing his pointer finger over the bottom one before he responded. “But. . .I’ll help them feel better, baby. Don’t worry.”

The buzzing in your veins was impossible to ignore, and you didn’t trust yourself to give a valid response with how lightheaded he was making you. All you could do was nod, eyes hopefully communicating your excitement. 

“I read about the taste of a woman’s release, too. . . when women are pregnant, they have a tendency to taste sweeter than usual. And I can safely assure you, it’s the motherfucking truth,” his voice was hoarse with the last sentence. He kept on, locking his Amber-brown irises with yours. “And it’s fuckin’ erotic that you taste like the sweetest thing while you’re growing my baby. . . I can’t even explain it, y/n.”

You were positively vibrating with need for him, your body threatening to unravel at any given moment. Now warm from the towel, you knew most of your shivering was still from him. 

“You don’t have to,” you assured, your mouth dry from it hanging open at his words. Swallowing purposefully, you shook your head before stepping out of the shower. And, once you’d towel-dried your body enough, you bent to tie the towel around your hair, turning away from him. As you made your way to the mirror, leaving him. Once you checked yourself, you were in horror as you realized just how red your face was. “Ah! God, Jake, I look like fuckin’ Elmo.”

He belly laughed at that, the sound making your tummy ignite in a swarm of happy butterflies. “No you don’t. Trust me,” he said, still giggling at what you’d said. “. . . ‘look like Elmo’. You’re fucking hilarious,” he paused as you heard his belt clink away from him, along with the pull of his zipper. You tried damn hard not to think about it, just focused on fanning your face. “And what’s with all of the Elmo lately? Josh creeped me the fuck out with that shit.”

Not able to help the laughter bubbling in your chest at the thought of Josh’s horrifying Tickle-Me Elmo, you turned to face him to enjoy the moment together. You first saw all of his soaked clothes, in a neat pile ready for the laundry, next to him. His boots, sitting as a pair beside the clothes. His belt, rolled tight on the toilet seat. 

And, Jake, completely naked. 

Your body reacted immediately, suddenly ready for the most. Your tone was way too eager when an inward ponder was spoken aloud. “Are we going to have sex?” Dear God, y/n.

He smirked, shaking his head as he took a step and leaned past your naked body to get in the cabinet under the sink for the spare towel you kept underneath. His fingers brushed the side of your ass in the process and you didn’t want to discuss how quickly his touch heated your skin. You turned away from him once more, leaning towards the mirror to check out the two pesky spots on your chin that threatened a pimple under the skin. Thankfully not big enough to notice to someone else, but still. 

For some reason, the size of your ass was now all you could think about. How your body had gotten bigger in a few unfortunate areas. . . You couldn’t help feeling insecure. “Was that on purpose?” You shot the other question his way, followed by a statement of your own. “It has increased in size, just like the rest of me, so . . . wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t on purpose and just because it’s huge.”

“It was on purpose. Too nice not to touch — want to grab it or slap it any time I see it. Nice fuckin’ thing,” he replied, causing you to drop your hands and lean back so you could give him your full attention. The response made your cheeks blush crimson red, slightly visible through your slowly lightening skin. When you swiveled his way, you found him towel drying his hair, his dick still fully erect and tempting the fucking hell out of you. You bit your lip, and he continued on, eyes closed as he focused on drying his hair. God, he was so handsome. And the constant scruff above his top lip was just not good for your sanity.  “And I don’t know what you mean by the rest of you increasing in size or being huge. One, you aren’t huge by any standard. And two, all I’ve noticed increase in size are the three things I enjoy watching as they get bigger.”

You flushed, turning away once more to work on towel drying your own hair before you left the steamy room. You’d want the towel to wrap up in the hallway. Suddenly intrigued by the fact that you were talking so openly with him, you kept going. “Do those things happen to be the Three B’s? Boobs, belly, butt?”

Jake was laughing again at that, his little snort unmistakable, even as you were bent the best you could at the waist to towel dry your own hair. “Yes,” he chuckled, lighthearted. “That is correct. Did you make that up?”

Damn, I missed this, your mind absently trailed. “I don’t know,” you smiled, raising from the towel dry to do it standing. Your body was buzzing with all things him. “You didn’t answer my sex question.”

“No sex,” he promptly replied. Your heart fell, but obviously being oblivious to it, he kept on. “I’ve got a job to finish tonight that doesn’t include my dick.”

“What if I want it to include your dick? Aren’t you doing this to please me?”

How had the conversation just picked up like you’d never stopped being the two of you? The awkward air that had persisted, on and off since the wretched day in the kitchen in August, was seeming to float away day by day with his knowledge of the baby in your belly. But, before that line of thought could derail, he was responding to you. 

“Are you saying you weren’t pleased with what I started in there just now?”

“Of course I fucking was, Jake,” you rolled your eyes. “But, still–.”

“You just answered the question yourself.”

“How?”

“Would you just finish drying your fucking hair so I can continue eating you out?”

The way your body temperature rose inexplicably at his words was not something you wanted to admit to, so you went with a simple response to keep you on level ground with him, rather than a quivering mess. 

“Aye aye, captain.”

Another snort, followed by a chuckle. “Shut the fuck up.”

Once you’d gotten yourself completely dry, he was following you to your bedroom, closely. So close that you felt his warmth radiating from behind you, only working to increase your already heated need for everything that was him.  

“Get on the bed and get on your knees for me,” he insisted, lips grazing your ear with the words, once you crossed the threshold of your room. Those words, for me, had you feeling reminiscent of walking on a cloud. This was actually happening. “And spread your legs apart, baby. Need that pretty pussy open for me.”

God. You did not want to give him any argument. Your body was shaking with need from the entire evening. Your heart was beating harshly, rapidly — felt it knocking against your heaving chest. . . 

He undoubtedly knew the effects he was having on you. And planned to lean into them as long as you could. 

“You should know better than to tell me what to do, Jacob,” you jested, walking towards the bed. Clearly your words didn’t mean much since you said them while doing exactly as he told you. In your best attempt at being sexy, you got on the bed. And once you were on the soft comforter, you crawled on your hands and knees to the front of your bed, slowly. You made a show of sticking your ass in the air.  

You then heard that familiar chuckle as you did so, and decided you were slightly offended over the fact. “Are you laughing at me?”

“Relax, baby. I just think you’re cute. That’s all,” he replied as you heard him close your bedroom door. You paused briefly and looked over your shoulder, to see where he stood by the door. “How can one be so equally cute and sexy? I’ve never known someone who does it as flawlessly as you.”

You blushed at his words, giving him a flirty grin with a wrinkle of your nose. But you quickly realized now was not the time for joking. Not for much longer, at least. Not with the way his eyes were set on your body, drinking in the sight before him. You knew he enjoyed his view, his eyes trained solely on your body rather than your face. So much so, he didn’t catch you watching him. He licked his lips before running one finger over them in silent admiration.

The vision of you, naked and wanting for him, pregnant with his baby. . .you knew, most likely, it was unrivaled to anything else he’d ever seen. Even in the dim light of your singular lamp, you could see that look in his dark eyes, one hand going to brush through his hair while the other tightened the towel at waist. His bottom lip, gripped by his teeth. His thick cock, still very erect, tenting the towel hung at his hips. 

“You are beautiful in every way,” he remarked, tone low and throaty as his eyes finally locked on yours. You felt your thighs tremble with need as your body continued to prepare itself for him.

Still on your hands and knees, you looked towards the head of the bed again to get to your pillows. Once there, you turned your body around to fully face him. You tilted your head to the side with a grin that you hoped conveyed at least half of what you felt. Over one shoulder, hair cascaded down your back, and over the other shoulder, your hair laid against a supple breast. 

You then began to shift your weight back slowly, lowering your hips toward your heels, resting the backs of your thighs against them with your knees spread just enough. Your belly and breasts, the main focal point. The palms of your hands found the mattress behind you as you were beginning to lean back against the pillows. Needed the pressure on your  back. But, he stopped you before you leaned too far. 

“Wait,” he said, your eyes silently questioning him as you watched him make his way towards your side of the bed. “Let me help you, baby.”

You watched in adoration as he grabbed the two pillows on the other side of the bed with one hand, situating them behind you, along with the two that always rested there. “I know how your hips and back have been hurting. . . I should’ve done this before you ever got on the bed.”

“It’s okay, Jake,” you smiled, watching as he worked to place them just right to support your sore muscles. “Really.”

“Just wanna take care of you,” he replied, tapping your hip with two fingers. “Now you should have that support behind you, baby. Lean back. Just a bit.”

You did as he said and. . .oh. It felt so nice. When your back formed to the pillow, you could have sung a thousand praises. It was instant appeasement for your aching body. Continuing to make yourself comfortable, you watched him push his hair back as he stood beside you, watching you with intense care.

“Are those pillows enough? I can go get a couple more from my–.”

“It’s perfect,” you truthfully claimed. Yet, even if it wasn’t perfect, you were not about to let him leave your side.

Your mouth watered as his eyes darkened, taking in every inch of your body he could see. You saw his zone in on every movement of your hips, eyes, and heavily swaying tits as you finally, fully situated. Then, with nimble, impatient fingers, your hand reached out to the towel at his hips, and with a singular flick of your wrist, his towel was falling. And your eyes instantly flew to his thick cock that seemed strained to the point of uncomfortability. His tongue met his lips, his dark irises, trained on your face as he lifted one hand to your lips. You knew exactly what he wanted. So, you did just as he silently requested and spit in his palm. 

Hand now wet with your help, he went to languidly stroke his length. His eyes never once leaving yours as you felt your mouth fill with more saliva, might he need it. All you wanted was to help him. 

That wasn’t deemed necessary, though, because he was soon letting his cock go to sit on the edge of the bed, beside your bent knees. His fingers grazed up your thigh, the skin automatically igniting at his touch. Your center fluttered, needy for more attention from his hands. 

It was like he sensed the call of your body, finally scooting back to lay down on the bed. He was moving with intentionality, going to the exact space he’d instructed you to create between your legs. . . for him. 

Finally, he was on his back, head nestling snugly between your thighs. His face was in the direct line of your pussy and ass. And his entire tanned, solid, stunning body was extended in front of you. You watched his stomach flex with each inhale and exhale — as he took in deep, deliberate breaths. And his beautiful dick, in perfect view for you to admire if you wanted. Was he doing this shit on purpose? Was he taunting you with it? Even though he refused to let you have it? 

You were about to get snarky with him about it, but you didn’t have time before your body was sent into euphoria as his hands located your ever-aching breasts, giving them each a firm knead. Each got attention of their own for a bit, his hands placed fairly over their own full breast. 

Before you could get too used to that, he pushed them together. It should’ve hurt, but it felt so impeccable. Your chest was tender, but the soreness of one offset the achiness of the other. You let out a relieved sigh with the work he was doing, pushing them to move against each other in the middle as he paid attention to the swollen sides with a firm massage. You bit your lip to conceal a moan at the sensation. But when you felt a gentle slap against the side of your left breast you couldn���t contain the noise as it slipped easily past your lips. 

“I want to hear you, y/n,” he sternly commanded, your core close enough to his face at this point that you felt every breath with the words. Your thighs shook with each breath he took. “Let me hear you.”

Then, without leaving time for you to bicker, he was back to his previous motions. You respected his work always, but you were learning to really appreciate his new, adjusted focus to parts of your body. Specifically your boobs. Even though they couldn’t fit in the palm of his hand like they once (perfectly) could, he still made sure to cover the expanse of them with intentionality from his long, skilled fingers. 

You threw your head back as the calloused tips of his fingers skimmed over your sensitive nipples. And when he came back, he purposefully rolled them with practiced circles from his thumbs. You were shaking when he finished his work with a final, intentional pinch to both nipples. You shivered as your back arched, body searching for more. 

His arms then went to wrap around your front, palms immediately situating on your belly. He placed one hand at the bottom of your belly to affectionately hold the curve of it. As you leaned into the touch of his hand there, he gave a gentle caress to the front of the bump when you heard a few words slip from his mouth. 

“Thank you, y/n. You will never understand how it feels to watch you grow my baby—our baby,” he breathed, each word’s breath brushing against your vulnerable center. 

You hummed an acknowledgement, not able to fully process his words with the way his breath continued to make your entire body tingle with needy electricity. 

Then the tender moment was abruptly cut off when his focus zeroed in on holding your ass instead. He squeezed a round cheek in each palm. You moaned, your legs spreading even more to grant him additional access to the place you needed him most. Your hands wrapped around the front of your thighs, irritatingly squeezing the supple flesh as you buzzed with need. You wanted to hang onto him, but you didn’t want to spook him. 

Before you could get too used to the new angle and the feeling of his grip on your behind, he was smoothly landing a harsh slap to your right cheek. The action had your head falling back with a sigh, your pussy fluttering. His hands then traveled to your hips and held safely to them, splayed perfectly to grip the muscle there entirely. The pressure was euphoric.

“Jake, please. I need more—.”

Without any warning whatsoever, he brought you down just the slightest bit further to meet his mouth in a tender kiss. Then, his tongue began where he’d left off in the shower. 

Your toes curled deliciously with a loud groan at the feeling of him making home between your thighs with his skilled mouth. You couldn’t help it — you had to touch him. His abdomen was in perfect distance for you to grip, so you did just that. Your legs widened further with your new hand placement, allowing your core to meet his mouth’s ministrations even better than before. 

Your fingers flexed against his belly as you let your tummy rest comfortably on his chest. You smiled softly to yourself at the connection, not planning to move anytime soon. You watched his cock tremble briefly with another brush of your tummy to his chest as your body jolted with a particular flick from his tongue against your aching, throbbing clit. Your eyes rolled back in your head as your body tingled, almost all of your senses being wonderfully assaulted.

For a few moments, he paid special attention to your center with long, purposeful licks of his tongue. Then, you felt one hand drift over your ass to your most intimate spot, two fingers spreading you even further. And, keeping them there to spread you, with practiced precision, he began giving several long, open mouthed kisses to the sensitive flesh. You pulsed with each deliberate slide of his tongue and lips.

The sounds you made were humiliating, at best. Though, it seemed Jake really did like it. He’d even started rewarding you for them. At every noise, he’d intensify his actions – making out with your pussy fervently, his tongue dipping deeper and deeper with every squeak, moan, or sigh. He continued teasing you until he replaced his tongue with two strong fingers. He slipped in, spreading the long, skilled digits inside of you — deliciously stretching you. 

“You are so fucking tight, baby,” he raspily groaned as he intermittently spun and stretched the two fingers inside of you to prepare you. He licked one stripe through your opened folds before you felt a smile against you. “Has it been difficult being a celibate pregnant woman?”

“Only when it comes to you,” you moaned as he pushed the two fingers just deep enough to brush your sensitive cervix. “I’ve needed you so fucking badl— ah!”

You couldn’t finish your thought as his entire tongue, rolled just right to fit snugly in you, thrusted up, finally making home inside of you. Stars erupted behind your eyes — his name, a pathetic whimper on your lips. 

He used his grip on your ass to pull you back just enough that his bottom lip was able to nudge against your clit with each thrust of his tongue inside of you. Your body shook at the new sensation, your hips rocking of their own accord to meet every movement of his mouth. After a few more intentional laps of his tongue within you and his plush lip grazing just right against your extremely sensitive bundle of nerves, you felt yourself nearing the end. Your entire body was alight and trembling. And the intoxicating, mind-numbing realization that you were about to finish on his tongue for the first time in who even knew how long was what tempted to finally push you over the edge. 

But before you could reach that peak, he was pulling his mouth away and using his firm grip on your ass to lift your tension-filled body off of his face. Fuck. No. You did not attempt to contain the angry grumble of his name, the frustration was ridiculously palpable in your tone. He needed to know your aggravation at his rude teasing behavior. You were actually on the verge of frustrated tears at not being able to finish like you so badly needed. 

“Jacob, if I can’t fucking cum–.”

“Stop it, y/n – I just needed you to know that I want you to let completely fucking loose,” he interrupted you, not letting you get started on a tangent before he was correcting your assumption. He wasn’t stopping – just wanted to talk. Wanted to give you permission. “I need you to show me with your body how badly you’ve needed this. Don’t you dare control it. Let fucking loose. If you move your hands, though, I’ll fucking stop. Make you wait. So you better keep those hands on me. Don’t move and let me work. Do you understand me?”

You felt the stress ease from your body, your body relaxing once more, going once more to rest against his strong hands and the pillows. You could do all of that. Just needed him to keep going. “Yes, Jake,” you sighed, your pussy clenching needily at his warm breaths, the only barrier between you and his mouth. “I promise.”

“Let me take care of you, baby.”

You sighed with an agreement as you let your hands relax on him enough to smooth over to his sides, holding onto his sturdy obliques for better support. 

Then he was back at it. No warning as he went back to exactly what he was doing before. Except this time, he alternated between patterns. He started with the one angle of his lip against you and his tongue inside of you. But after a few skilled uses of that one, he was back to making out with your folds, tongue first every time, then lips meeting to seal the deal with an intimate kiss. God, it made you wish even more that he could kiss your mouth. . . but you’d just have to suck it up.

Your body was shaking against him, still holding on to enjoy the feeling for as long as you could. But you could only hold on for so long – you needed the tight ball of tension in your belly to be unfurled. So, with the rotation of his tongue in you, lip intentionally prodding your clit, to the long lap of his tongue before he’d give a lasting, lazy open mouthed kiss to your cunt. . . You barely registered it approaching, the ball tightening to near obliteration, one precise suck from his mouth making your body tense, desperate for moremoremore. Your hips faltered, almost stilling completely, as your eyes hazily rolled into the back of your head. And with one final, purposeful stroke of his tongue from top to bottom of your oversensitive flesh, you were gone. His name tore from your chest, no mind at all for anyone else besides JakeJakeJake as your fingers sealed to his sides, never daring to leave his skin. Needed all of him around you, in you, on your, with you — forever.

Fuck. You loved him so goddamn much. And as your body hung loosely in the clouds from the work of his tongue, you felt wholly validated that there was nothing on the planet that compared to the way he made you feel. Whether it be in your bed or in your heart, Jake Kiszka was it. Always would be, you were afraid. 

As you tried to come down and recover from the high, you soon realized he wasn’t going to give you time to gain strength. No, he just kept going. His mouth worked like he was devouring his favorite dish. Too desperate for every last bit of you to bother stopping, it seemed. And the next time he went to put his tongue inside of you, his lip had barely brushed against your clit before you were going entirely motionless. Your mind blanked entirely. 

You sobbed his name on a drawn out, strangled whine that turned hastily to a growling moan. Every filthy sound that escaped your lips was loud as fuck. And, really, you would’ve felt incredibly bad for your neighbors – had you given a single fuck about anything. Your hips stuttered in their rhythm, keeping in time with the melody your mind kept producing. akeJakeJakeJakeJake. . . .  Everything worked in time with the long-since-practiced song of his name.

“Fuck, baby,” you whined, eyebrows furrowed as you felt consciousness come back little by little, only faintly, but still. Your fingers let up just a little on his sides, letting his flesh breathe from your vice-like hold. 

The way you let your body settle to accommodate the motions of his tongue was nice. He did all of the work as you relaxed against him, your quivering pussy gave him everything he — and you — needed. Your eyes slid closed in ecstasy before a hum from his lips jolted you, your fingers slipping past his waist line just a bit as you stretched further down his body to give him better access.

Slowly, before you could process anything else, your hips started moving again with some assistance from his persistent hold on your hips. He went to fully grip your ass, assisting you in grinding down, hard against his strong, flattened, and fucking wet tongue. He hadn’t stopped once the entire time. His fucking stamina was otherworldly. And, even though you’d just (kind of) come back to, you were already falling apart again. It hit you suddenly, when you felt his hums switch to a low growl against your labia, right before going back in for a sloppy kiss. You were instantly back in the throes of all things Jake; your body went utterly numb as you sunk as far as you could onto his face. The growls and groans continued from his mouth – you felt every single one against your center as he worked to tilt your body just so, his nose nudging against your aching core briefly. Your toes curled tighter at the contact, amidst the harsh ride of your orgasm on his lips. He wanted you to feel every bit of work he was putting in. Every movement of his mouth was crucial to your enjoyment of the moment and he was making damn sure you knew that.

You made the mistake of looking down as you groggily returned from your second orgasm, to the present time. Because, when you looked down, you were offered the opposite of reprieve. With a slow glance just past your round tummy, you caught sight of the very bottom of his chin and the strong column of his neck below you. And what you beheld was intoxicatingly beautiful.

He was—his tanned skin. . . He was fucking soaked. Had you squir–? The flood of heat that enveloped your belly, washing over your entire body in a rush of glorious overstimulation, was the only sign you’d had of a fourth orgasm. 

“Oh my god,” you whimpered, your body incapable of handling itself as you let out a choked sob, tears flooding down your cheeks at the care you were being shown. Your hands finally slipped further, nestling on the insides of his thighs. You leaned forward just a bit to grasp him better, the want for his dick back with a burning desire as you got closer to it. You could obviously tell that he was beyond ready for you — stretched readily, angrily, and so thick. . . All. For. You.

How did he expect sex to not happen tonight? You needed it. Needed him — all of him. So, so, so desperately.

You felt even more tears touch your cheeks at the heavenly thought. Yes, you were definitely being pushed past your limits. But, with Jake, did you truly have any limits? Your poor pussy was straining, begging for a break. But, all you wanted to think about was Jake. Jake, inside of you. Needed to keep going until you got what you needed most of all. 

You could hardly begin to wrap your mind around how he just kept going through all of it. Though before you could topple into another one at the mere thought of his dick in you, your weak, spent body was being repositioned by strong arms.

Through barely opened eyes, you sort of registered that he’d moved both of you completely from your previous positions. You were definitely still out of it as he balanced your ass on his thighs, one arm around your waist to hold you. And he was the one on his knees now, facing the headboard, your back still facing the pillows he’d set up. 

You wrapped your legs around him, which made your leaking center draw even closer to his tip, throbbing and angrily blushed — all for you. 

Even through blurred vision, you noticed how he seemed to have gotten impossibly harder – at the sole act of devouring you. The precum that glistened at his head distracted you, your mouth watering at the sight with a tiny whine at the intimacy of it all. From your front row seat, you admired how his cock jerked with need as he worked to pull one pillow down to situate behind you. Before you could get used to the sight of his dick for any longer, he was once again repositioning your body. Gently, he used the arm at your back to guide you directly onto a pillow, placed perfectly to cradle your hips. Your head, blissfully meeting the other fluffy pillows at your headboard. 

You could’ve fallen asleep right then and there, exhaustion threatening to take over. But you knew better. Fuck that. You did not want to go to sleep yet. The night was young and you still hadn’t gotten what you truly, initially wanted. And you were determined to convince him. Simply put, you were far from ready to be done with this night. 

His voice was hoarse with want as he leaned over you, giving a wet kiss to your dampened neck before his warm breath brushed against it. “When the pillow supports your back there, it works to elevate your hips,” his fingers gripped your hips, his thumbs melting into the muscle there to release tension. Your head rolled back into your pillows, your eyes slipping closed with an intense, relieved sigh. “And. . . ,” he continued, lips grazing your neck before he delicately kissed the crook underneath your ear. He moved to speak into it, so low. “I get the best angle to make sure you feel satisfied. All I fucking want is for you to feel so good, baby.” 

You used him being closer to your face to your advantage and laced your hands through his hair before bringing him down a bit further, just enough to touch his naked chest to yours. His face tucked even further into your neck to give you a plethora of messy kisses, licking the skin he could reach. 

Your nipples were so tight, still aching for attention. And, you found at that moment, simply pressing your breasts to his chest, skin to skin, gave you some much needed reprieve. Gave you a sensation that felt like sparkles, all the way down to your toes.

Pushing your chest against his once more, he let you use his body as he balanced on his elbows around your head, keeping his chest close enough to graze your tender breasts. With the action, he brought his face up to examine your blushing, pleased features with a smirk. “Your nipples sore, baby?”

“Always,” you sighed with an absentminded giggle. “It’s all your fault.”

“Mine or hers?” He asked with a grin, his hand going down to cup the side of your belly. 

You felt butterflies flutter at the gesture – loved when he touched your tummy. “I feel like blaming you right now,” you grinned, cupping his cheek, running your thumb over his beauty mark. 

“Guilty as charged. I’ll work on those later, hm?”

“Okay,” you sighed, pushing yourself up against him one more time before he was moving, yet again.

As he went to lay on his belly, you laced your fingers through his hair, mostly dry, just a little damp. And, his tongue, once again, met your heated core, only brushing the sensitive place with one measured, precise lick through your overindulged folds. 

A guttural moan formed at the back of your throat, your hands leaving his locks to grip the comforter. Your back, arching from the bed and pillow, body yearning for moremoremore. 

He began languidly kissing your center again, this time focusing his tongue on your clit before each tender press of his lips to the bundle of nerves. When another jolt of electricity shot through every inch of you, you went back to knotting your hands in his hair. And with one gentle kiss to your clit, he worked his way back up your body. 

He tucked his face into your neck, giving listless, hungry kisses to the skin there. With every brush of his tongue, you felt yourself melt into the sheets around you. Heat pooled under your skin at his lips on your supple flesh. You felt it go from your lower back, all the way to the pit of your tummy, simmering at your core. A pleased hum slipped from you at the sensation, your eyes closing at the familiar, precious feeling of pure and unadulterated safety and comfort under his touch. 

You’d missed this.

Fatigued as your body was from the repeated climaxes, you instantly perked with a surprised, needy whine when you felt two fingers deftly swipe — up and down — through your folds to collect any remaining release. You shivered while he collected enough for his liking. As you continued to tremble beneath him, he took the time to swiftly push the same two digits inside of you. He stretched you so exquisitely — all the way to the last knuckle. Your hips bucked into his open palm, needing every bit of support his hand could offer your aching center at the familiar, yet (now) slightly foreign feeling inside of you. 

You’d needed this. Him, inside of you. Somehow, some way. Right there, you decided, if he wouldn’t let you have his cock tonight, you would gratefully accept his fingers as a runner up.

These fingers. They knew your body just like they knew the strings on a guitar. The callouses, from his craft, deliciously traced circles, slow and sure, against your most secret spot, inside. And not too long after, his thumb claimed its rightful spot on your clit, drawing the same circles there as the fingers did on the inside. The two tender places on your body, receiving equal, gentle, deliberate care. 

With a final lazy kiss behind your ear, he let his lips trail from your neck, down your chest. He took special care to wrap his mouth around each of your nipples. You savored the feeling of his tongue flicking expertly at your puckered skin as his fingers worked at your pussy. You writhed under him at the sensual relief for your aching body — your sensitive nipples — fuck. Your chest arched into his mouth as he paid each breast special attention. 

His dark eyes instantly shot to yours as he leisurely released his plush lips from your breast, measuring your reaction at the loss of contact. You only whined a little as you watched him with rapt attention, awaiting his next move. 

He rose to his knees, fingers leaving you at the movement. You whimpered pitifully as he shifted back down towards the foot of the bed. He went slowly — the raging, rock hard problem at his groin, offering an incredible sight. Once he’d made it as far back as he believed reasonable, he was carefully lowering himself onto his belly once again. As he did this, he held his cock in one hand, positioning it so he’d be as comfortable as possible. 

God, you wished to be the one holding it. Whether it be with your hand, your mouth, or your pussy. . . You’d accept anything he granted you at this point.

Once on his stomach and with his dick tucked away and out of your sight, you felt more desperation gather in your chest. You had to tell him. Ask him one more time. 

“Jake,” you started, waiting for his eyes to find you. With the obtrusion of your round tummy, you had to lean up on your forearms to see him better. After a couple beats, he gave you what he wanted. His pretty brown eyes located yours in one fell swoop. Your breath caught shakily in your chest at how he was gazing at you. “Please, let me have you tonight. All of you. Please.” You begged, not giving two flying fucks for how stupidly pathetic you sounded. 

Your eyes gauged his response. Would he say something? For a few moments, he continued to hold you in an intense stare, eyes scanning your face, something akin to awe evident on his face as he observed you. 

Then, the slowest, most heartfelt smile blossomed on his lips, eyes earnest for you to understand. “Tonight is your night, baby.”

“Okay, so – it’s what I want,” you insisted. “Please.” 

Yet, all you got in return was a smirk, followed by a wink before he was settling his face between your thighs. You sighed in resignation, but lifted your hips up to his mouth, greedily as you rested on your back once more. Your head rested against the stack of pillows behind you, giving you little glimpses of him as he worked. After a few careful licks, he let his eyes hone in on yours as he made out with your pussy – just like he would your mouth. His eyes never left yours as he continued. And, the feeling that began to unfurl in your tummy was an old friend at this point in the night. 

You watched as he went down so far — catching every bit of your release. So, momentarily, his face was hidden, blocked by your growing belly. But before you could be too sad, his head came up, and those Amber-brown eyes met your own. They were filled with lust, hooded in your direction with an intense yearning. 

“Jake,” you sighed, smoothing your hands down your belly before you situated a little better on the pillow under your hips and lower back, leaning up on your own elbows to get a better view of him. 

His long hair was fanned across your legs, sweeping against the flesh of your thighs as he leaned forward to kiss your round, taut stomach, so delicately. 

“In every way, you are perfect, y/n,” he affirmed, saying it in a way that left no room for disagreement. 

You flushed a little smile his way, but your core throbbed for more. You needed it. Needed all of him. 

“Jake, please,” you moaned, communicating all you could with the two words. This moment felt more familiar than you could put words to. . . It made your heart thump so hard in your chest, all the way up to your ears. 

And then, he was rising more and more, his tongue peeking out from between his lips, licking them with a sort of cruel intention – never taking his eyes off of you. 

Your eyes tracked every single movement of his mouth and then his body. Because of that, you hastily became aware of him situating himself to balance above you, right where you wanted him. His handsome face, once more hovering above yours as his elbows were, again, placed on either side of your head. There was a sparkle in his eye as your breath caught in your chest at the possibility of what was about to happen. 

As he fully settled, you became very aware of his dick – hot and heavy against your throbbing center. 

“You feel that?” He said with a smirk, eyes soft with his words. “That’s what you do to me. What you’ve always done to me. But. . . damn it, y/n. It’s so much worse now. . . because now when I look at your beautiful body, I see it changing to properly house my baby. . . and that sight of you – god. You instantaneously become so much more alluring and enchanting than one could fucking imagine.”

God. He was everything. You would carry his baby forever if you could. The feminist in you screamed at you to take a second, but you couldn’t hear her through the steady pounding in your chest. Your heart yearned for him. And you found it an honor to do this for the heaven-sent man who continued to cast a sweet, secret grin your way. One you’d seen many times before, but this time it held more than before. . . 

You were sure no one would ever understand the immense, wondrous impact the man had had on your life. He’d helped you in ways that were incomprehensible at the moment. 

And, he was so . . . consistent. For example: those first words he’d just spoken to you. . . they were the same as they’d been all of those months ago; on your bed, heatedly touching each other and matching kisses like your life damn well depended on it. He was safe. So, so safe. Never changing. Steadfast. And you knew that — you weren’t stupid. But you could only sink into that knowledge when the nagging little voice that haunted you stayed fucking silent. 

He continued to measure you with a long gaze, all of his attention on you as he bent to nudge your cheek with his nose. When he planted a little kiss to the apple of your cheek, you felt the tear fall from your eye to meet his lips. At this, he kissed it away. He was quite actually taking your pain away. 

In response, all you could say was, “Jake,” on a breath, your eyes continuing to water at the rush of memories as well as the present moment. Your arms went to lock loosely around his neck, holding him and wishing he never had to go. 

“I can’t look at you without wanting to worship the ground you walk on forever. There is no one that—. I’ve never felt—. You are— you— I – fuck,” his eyes quickly averted to your chest, head bowing the slightest bit to face the supple skin. His words turned to heavy breaths against your soft skin. 

You combed your hands through his hair to ease his mind. He gently closed his eyes at the feeling, sighing with relief at your touch. But after a few seconds, he went back to that pensive look as he eyed your chest. His gaze never faltered from it, scanning every inch of your body that he could from his position before he went to nestle his forehead at the top of your breasts. You felt his nose, tucked in between them. 

Then you felt them. Just a couple, but definitely there as his shoulders shook the slightest bit to accompany them. Tears. You paused your ministrations through his hair, suddenly alarmed at the emotion. It mirrored yours, yes, but you worried, nonetheless. . . Fuck.

Your thoughts trailed off, beginning to wind down a dangerous path. Was he regretting this? It didn’t matter. It shouldn’t. Because, if he was regretting it, you couldn’t be surprised or hurt. This was something you’d willingly decided on with him. And it was so wrong – you knew it. If he regretted it and wanted to stop in an instant, it would be understandable, acceptable. Hell, by most standards, it would be opportune. And you hated that. 

You hated it, but — he had a girlfriend. You weren’t anything to him. Not like her. Your heart cracked at the feeling of wetness on your chest, a couple more hot tears falling to meet your sensitive flesh. Your tender breasts were tingling at the sensation of him between them, your nipples so tight at his nearness. Even as you convinced yourself that he was regretting this, your ready and willing body — it pulled you to him. 

Fuck—had to move. You had to move. Be the first one to escape so he couldn’t hurt you. Removing your hands from his locks, you sniffled once as you felt your own tears gather at the corners of your eyes. Dammit. 

Yet, right as you went to take one scooch up, you felt his strong hands present at your waist. He held the sides of your belly snugly in his steady hands. Four fingers gripping your back, and his thumbs, positioned perfectly on either side of your tummy to hold you in place. Why was he stopping you?

When his eyes finally floated up to yours, your breath hitched at the sight. 

God, his eyes. They revealed his soul so exquisitely. 

And, what you saw in them right now was not regret. Not at all. At least. . . not regret for being with you. No, instead, you saw. . . Longing. Desperation. Fondness. Devotion. . . . . For you. And . . . you felt it wrong to name the final emotion you were witnessing. Besides, you were sure that your eyes were deceiving you. 

“I don’t want to stop, y/n. Stop thinking that,” he rasped, clearing his throat as his eyes searched yours. His eyebrows dipped in, nerves seeming to kick in for him as well. “D-do you?”

“Of course I don’t want to stop, Jake,” you insisted, your eyes boring into his, needing him to feel what you were thinking. “That is the last damn thing I want to do. But you were fucking crying, so I felt it was best to–.”

“Y/n—you were just crying, too,” he responded, a whisper of a laugh on his lips before he shook his head, eyes averting briefly before finding you again. “I—. Y/n—. God. There is so much that I want to tell you and I just can’t and it—. . .” 

He cut himself off with one swoop, pulling you back to where you’d moved from. And when his face was above yours again, you felt the head of his dick nudging at you. It made your vision momentarily blurry as his fingers tucked a bit of hair behind your ear. His pointer and middle finger lingered on your cheek as his eyes searched yours for kinship. And you could only hope he found it because you definitely understood him — especially not being able to say what you wanted. 

On a shaky breath, he leveled you with a dark stare. “I just got caught up in my thoughts while I was looking at you and the emotions took over. It normally happens in my head when I see you, but I was saying it out loud and you were right here and—,” he huffed slightly, shaking his head at himself. “I guess you could say the words came out as tears. I don’t know — kind of stupid, but—.”

“Not stupid,” you reassured, getting on your elbows once more to press your body closer to his and leaned up to kiss his cheek delicately. His lids fluttered closed at the contact. You kept your hand on his cheek and held his gaze once he opened his eyes. Feeling like the moment warranted complete honesty (or as much as you could offer), you explained. “I get the whole ‘not being able to say everything you want to’ thing. I’m right there with you. Our situation is just. . . The way it is. And, as much as I wish it were different, it isn’t and it can’t be,” your voice cracked on the last few words. 

He let his face rest against the palm of your hand, his hair brushing your arm. “I know. And it’s just so fucking difficult.”

You furrowed your brows, letting your hand fall from his face to rest on the part of your belly that wasn’t pressed to his. As much as you didn’t want to say it again, you wanted to give him one more chance. Based on the word difficult and the apprehension to express his emotions. . . The situation itself helped you feel morally sound in speaking the pondering thought into the hot air one more time. (Which, in retrospect, was hilarious since none of what you’d engaged in tonight was morally sound by any means). 

“We really don’t have to do this if it is too difficult for you to do this to he— while you’re in a rela— since you’re with someone el—,” you huffed, closing your eyes to recenter, your throat suddenly tight with tears. You really didn’t want to talk about her.

“That’s not what I meant when I said that.”

Your eyes slowly opened to process his expression with the words. His face was open and vulnerable, but hardened all the same. He was letting you in and you loved it. The situation just made it all more tense than it had to be. And you hated that part.

“I meant that it’s difficult since we are limited — due to outside factors,” he expressed, pressing his lips together before continuing. “You aren’t the one making it difficult, baby. I feel completely resolved and peaceful at the idea of this,” he looked down between your bodies. Your eyes followed, witnessing as he lazily rocked his hips against yours once before you felt the pressure of him resting at your entrance. Your heart was thumping furiously in your chest, cheeks hot as his gaze locked on yours again. “And what makes it difficult is I know I shouldn’t feel like that with everything and with the other people involved. . . But— fuck if I can’t help it. It’s always felt natural and right with you, y/n. Even if we can’t be together, I know that it will always feel like this with us and that is what makes it so damn difficult.”

Your eyes watered. Everything he said rang true to your heart as well. So, you said all you found necessary to let him know you were on the same page where that thought was concerned. 

“I know, baby,” you sighed, at a loss for anything else to say that could fix it. 

“The problem is. . .I don’t care about any outside factor right now,” he rasped, breath fanning over your face as he leaned down to press his lips to your cheek. Then your neck. Then your collarbone. And finally, your forehead before his fiery gaze was back on yours, burning down to the pit of your tummy. “I only care about what I’ve wanted to fucking do with you again for so damn long. Watching you and not being able to have you — my baby in you or not. . . It is torture not being able to be inside of you. And I want to stop feeling so fucking tortured all of the time. I need to feel you around me again, y/n.”

Goddammit, Jake. What did one do with all of that? You didn’t know. All you knew was the way he was looking at you had you questioning why in the fuck you were still talking when his dick was quite literally waiting at your entrance. You ‘needed’ this shit, too. Bad.

“Then let me help you with that,” you encouraged, unwavering in your stare. “Please. I need it, too, baby.” You rolled your hips forward once. Just the slightest bit, teasing him and yourself as you felt him begin to slip in. 

His breath caught at the same time as yours, your hips naturally falling back to where you laid, losing the new contact with him. “You’re sure this is what you want, y/n?”

Well. That felt like a loaded question. At the moment, your mind was too fuzzy to articulate what all that question could imply. But you did know for a fact that whatever you wanted. . . It always included him, one way or another. Whether it hurt you or hurt him, you wanted him. It was selfish, but it was true. 

So, you answered without another thought. 

“Yes. So, so badly,” you replied, not able to help the whine as you watched his hand move to hold the length of his cock. He gave it a few leisurely pumps of his fist, before running the tip through the wetness gathered at your center. 

The way your body threatened to unfurl at that action alone told you all you needed to know.  You wrapped your arms at his shoulders, fingers grazing his warm neck before going to spin through his long hair. It was past time to have him—.

Tinklytinklytinklytinklyting! Tinklytinklytinklytinklyting!

Of course. It was zero surprise to you when the ridiculously harsh shrill of the Blues ringtone cut you off mid thought. Your eyes turned stony at the very unwelcome interruption of your iPhone. Jake’s expression looked the same as yours, his jaw clenching for a millisecond. He stayed above you, pausing his motions. But he didn’t budge; only moved his head to get a better look at the interfering device.

Even as he peered over to the phone, plugged in on the bedside table, you kept your arms laced around his neck. You watched his expression change from one of irritation to care and concern for the caller. 

“It’s Elsie,” he said, looking back at you with a brow raised. 

You rolled your eyes. Shocker. You truly weren’t surprised that she was the one calling you at the exact moment you were about to get laid. Annoying ass sister shit, one might say (because, yes, even if she was your favorite person ever, she would always be your aggravating older sister). 

“She’s fine,” you reassured him, gently running your manicured nails over his back. Goosebumps rose in their wake, a loose grin forming on his features at the feeling before he was settling above you again. “I’ll call her later.”

“You sure?”

“More than sure,” you emphasized before getting an idea. “Can you just go ahead and switch it to vibrate?”

He immediately granted your request, shifting just enough that his chest glided smoothly over the tender skin of your nipples. You gave the slightest moan at the feeling and you felt his dick twitch against your thigh. 

You watched his handsome face as he momentarily concentrated to turn the ringer off from the angle at which he laid. His lips were so pretty and pink, begging to be kissed. But before you could get too sad over it, he was done and adjusting above you once more.

And with that, the moment was back. Determination washed over you both. No more phone. Only Jake. And his beautiful face — freckles that usually stayed hidden on his cheeks, suddenly so noticeable as he leaned down even further. His soft, tempting lips, ghosting over your cheek before they traveled to your ear, teeth grazing your lobe before gently biting down on the flesh. 

You sighed, body melting into his as your back arched off of the bed. Forming together perfectly, you felt him line up with your entrance. 

“I’ve waited so long for this,” he hushed above you, breath dusting your heated cheek. 

“Me too,” you sighed, your hips lifting impatiently to meet his. “Please, Jake. I—.”

Bzzzz. Bzzzz. Bzzzz.

And again. The blessed phone. You swore if it was Elsie again. . . 

You groaned, put out at the calls and horny as hell. Why was it always like this for you two? God forbid you get what you fucking want. As you groaned, his face fell into your neck with the same sound from his lips before raising up to check your screen again.  

“Oh,” he said, tone steady and serious; his body went rigid at the name on the screen. It caused enough alarm that you sat up on your forearms, elbows balancing your trembling body. 

“What?” You asked, eyebrows bent to show your worry. 

“It’s your Grandma,” he said, eyes glancing to find yours to gauge your reaction. 

“What?” You faltered, dropping your hands from his shoulders. With a shake of your head, you maneuvered your body the best you could to grab your phone. 

“I’ll unplug it,” Jake insisted, nodding his head at you once to lay back. “You just try to take deep breaths, babe.”

Admittedly, you were glad he volunteered because your back was not having it and your breathing had become short at the possibility of something wrong. You’d been laying on your back for a touch too long, it seemed. And, as the Jake-induced haze cleared, you realized your belly was really not getting along with your spine. It was going to take a bit to situate. You could already tell.

When he stretched to grab it, he continued talking, voice low to calm you down. “Relax, baby. I’m sure she’s fine.”

“But she never calls this late,” you explained, body in pain, your mind running in frantic circles. You placed both hands over your face to shut out the mental and physical discomfort. “Jake, if she’s not okay— if Grandpa isn’t okay—.”

“Don’t jump to conclusions. That’s dangerous and you know it,” he encouraged with a grunt, the position making it tricky to grab the phone. But then he was sighing with relief as you heard the charger being pulled from the socket. “Got it.”

When he was back, he gave you the phone. But he seemed to notice the stiffness in your body. You knew your expression was not hiding how you felt, your lower back twinging. “Come on, baby. Let’s sit up,” he encouraged as he maneuvered his body to be in a sitting position. Sitting right next to you, now, he held a hand out as an offering to you. He gave a gentle nod in his own direction as a silent direction to you to lean up.

Your heart fell in your chest, gripping your phone tight in your hand as it plummeted, elbows digging into the fabric of your bed covers with a blazing hot, furious intent to not let him go. You’d just gotten him again. . . If you stopped now, when would you get this again? 

“But I—I also don’t want to stop—.”

“It’s okay. We’ll keep going. You just need to talk to your Grandma first,” he reminded with an air of reason that you desperately needed at the moment.  “And this position isn’t working anyhow; you’re in pain. I can tell.”

You eyed him skeptically, hoping he was right and that you would be able to keep going. “Fine,” you conceded, taking his hand as he did the hard work with one steady hand in yours as the other pressed against your back, firmly pushing you up and forward. 

With the aiding gesture, you felt it easier to think for a moment. So, you took the opportunity to answer the phone call as he arranged your pillows behind your back. 

“Hello? Grandma? Are you okay?” You rushed the words out in one breath, fingers edging towards your mouth to chew at your nails. (A very bad habit from your childhood that hardly surfaced anymore.)

After he’d fluffed them to an extent that he seemed pleased with, you settled cozily against the pillows as your brain went haywire. 

“So you can answer for our damn Grandma, but not for me?” Elsie quipped from the other end, a giggle hanging off the end of her words. 

But you were not in the mood for giggling. With a contented sigh at it being Elsie and not your Grandmother in trouble, you breathed a little easier. The upright position helped — no longer feeling gravity working against your body and belly. The sitting position was nice. . . And as long as he didn’t leave your side, things would be okay. You just had to get rid of your sister and things would be fine. 

You looked up at Jake with a roll of your eyes, placing your hand over the bottom speaker. “Elsie,” you mouthed towards him, rolling your eyes once more to emphasize your annoyance. 

All he responded with was a breathy laugh, shaking his head at her antics before he began to carefully study your body with blatant admiration. His eyes feasted on your exposed skin. It made you realize how much you hadn’t cared once that you were casually sitting buck-ass naked, as you talked on the phone. And, well. . . It was still not a concern to you. It felt natural to do so with him.

You rather appreciated the domesticity of the moment, even if your sister was totally cramping your groove. 

“Elsie. What the fuck, dude? You almost put me in full panic attack mode,” you griped, looking down at your nails to avoid the rather inappropriate thoughts that swirled at Jake’s dark gaze covering your skin. “What could have been so important that you use our Grandma’s phone to get me to answer at a moment’s notice?”

“I got to town early!” She excitedly chirped. 

The possibility that she’d been calling previously to tell you the same thing hadn’t even dawned on you before. You felt momentarily guilty for not realizing that sooner before snapping at her. It was great news—one of your favorite things was when she would come to town. But. . . it had just come at the wrong time, this time. 

“Well, for one, obviously, Els. You are using Grandma’s phone,” you snorted at her, crossing your legs the best you could with achy hips and a bigger belly. “And secondly, while I am so overjoyed that you’re finally in town —and moving back, no less — I am very busy right now.”

“What could be more important than me?” She snarked before tacking on one more thing. “Oh. . . I know what it is. I bet it’s Jake related, huh?” 

“Fuck, Elsie!” You gasped. For some reason, you were embarrassed by her saying that. . . Even though you’d literally just had the man’s face buried in your pussy. Whatever. 

When you heard another little laugh from Jake’s direction, you warily glanced up. With a fake glare, your cheeks heated as you quickly turned the sound down. 

“Why do you insist on keeping it so loud?” He whispered, his cheeks still pink with a little laugh. 

You stuck your tongue out at him, flashing a middle finger his way. The action only caused him to chuckle more, and you couldn’t help but smile along. 

“Was that it?” You tried at Elsie, looking down at your toes as they wiggled anxiously. Seriously — you were just hoping she’d say yes and let you hang up. 

“So it is Jake!” She giggled evilly from the other end, something shuffling behind her. “Told you so.”

“Who are you with?” You skeptically asked, knowing already. 

“Joshua Michael, of course,” she chirped, at which you heard him scream ‘helloooo, mama!’ in the background of the call. “We just wanted to tell you that we have three movie tickets for the Whitney Houston movie that just came out and you, my lovely sister, are the lucky recipient of one of them!” 

In spite of yourself, you grinned at their antics. “I would totally say yes, but—.”

Though, just as you began to turn your sister down, there was a tell-tale knock at the front door. Oh, hell no. 

You knew there was only one woman who used that particular knock. You’d heard it enough times that it was permanently seared in your brain. 

Maya. Of-fucking-course.

When she knocked again, your eyes snapped up to his. Your fury wasn’t easy to hide, try as you  might. His eyes took you in as they darkened, jaw tightening. Both of you sat there for a couple of moments, Elsie talking on the other end as another knock sounded at the door. 

But you couldn’t be bothered. You were lost in his irises, and it seemed he was lost in yours, too — gazing at you in a way that caused your brain waves to stutter. 

While he wasn’t rushing to get up and get the door, you knew — he felt the moment ending, too. It was evident in his downcast expression — the way his smile had instantly drooped to a frown at her arrival. This was not what you two had wanted. The night wasn’t supposed to end this way. 

Would you get this back? Now that you’d been dealt the glorious cellular and visitor disturbance? Or was all of this going to jinx the possibility of it arising again? Was seeing her again going to make him second guess it all? 

With a sure hand, he reached forward to drift his fingertips down your cheek. Your lids threatened to close at the caress, but his Amber-brown eyes weren’t letting you. He grasped your chin between his pointer and thumb, keeping you right where he wanted you. You were trapped in the way he studied you. No, not trapped. . .  Captivated. He left you utterly captivated. And, you could tell by looking at him, by this stare you were exchanging, that he was just as aware as you that this night was over. 

Elsie and Josh carried on with their own conversation in your ear, they were easy to ignore when you brought the phone away from your ear and into your lap, a defeated look etched on your features.

“I’ll, um— I’m gonna get the door,” he offered in a whisper, dropping your chin. His eyes offered zero reprieve or reassurance as he looked just as downtrodden as you felt. “I’ll have to get dressed, so.”

“Obviously, Jake,” you whispered, palm covering the speaker once more. You sounded snippier than you intended. But you couldn’t help how upset you were in the moment. This night — it had begun to make all of your dreams come true. . . only to sputter out in a blaze of glory. “Just fucking go to her.”

“Don’t do that,” he hushed back, eyebrows turned in to show his own irritability. “It’s not like I called her and asked her to fucking show up. I don’t even know why she’s—.” As if on cue, he was interrupted by yet another knock. His features stern and stony, he waited for her to be done to continue. “Elsie and Josh want to hang out anyway. Why are you pissed at me when we both—?”

“Because it’s always her, Jake!” You whispered, just a touch too loud for the callers. So, at that, you decided it was time to end the call. Bringing it up to your ear and keeping your eyes firmly on Jake’s, you spoke. “Elsie, Josh. I’ll be ready in thirty.”

“Make it twenty, Mama!” Josh yelled from the other end. 

“In other words: the movie starts soon and Josh was already running late, so he’s now rushing everyone else,” Elsie added, sounding equal parts exasperated and in love with Josh. Must be fucking nice. 

As Josh started on a rant about Julie Andrews’ line about being late in The Princess Diaries, Elsie kept talking. “Okay, Josh. Yes. But you aren’t the Queen of Genovia, sweetie,” she snorted a laugh on the other end. You couldn’t even crack a smile as you stayed lost in Jake’s deep brown eyes. “We’ll be there in like twenty minutes, sis. Plugging in Grandma’s phone as we speak. . . And I want coffee, so try to make it even snappier.”

Before you could respond, she was saying a quick ‘I love you’ and hanging up.

You didn’t bother to delay getting ready, knowing full well what your evening had become. As you slipped off the bed, Jake reached out a hand to help you. You didn’t take it. 

“Y/n.”

Being the emotionally charged pregnant woman in the situation, you had zero problem turning your nose up at it. You were allowed to be pissed and pouty. And you wanted him to know how upset you were. (Like he wasn’t feeling his own frustration. . . You knew he was. But still.)

“Baby,” he tried again. You heard his own feet hit the floor and saw him pick up his towel in your peripheral before wrapping it around his waist. Just lovely.

Still refusing to acknowledge him, you went about the stages of getting dressed. Your sports bra came first and you pulled it on in a way that was a little too rough for your sore chest. Not allowing the pain to show, though, you opened your closet door with a powerful yank. Quickly, you located an oversized black sweater and tugged it on in one go. 

And, just as you heard him shuffling towards the door, you were finally hitching your thong up your legs. 

“Please talk to me,” he tried once more to gain your attention. 

You knew he wasn’t going to leave without you giving him something and if he did leave without you acknowledging him, there was a chance you could lose all of the progress you’d made tonight. He’d think that you’d given up. And even if you felt remorseful over how the evening had played out, you weren’t ready to give up. Not even close. 

At that, you decided to turn to face him. You blatantly checked him out once you did, that being easier than his eyes at the moment. The towel was back to being hung around his hips. 

Gotta love it, you continued to inwardly snark.

“What?” You challenged, flicking your eyes to meet his stare. 

Your breath caught in your throat at how he persisted in appearing just as you felt. Though, you’d be willing to bet at this point, your features weren’t hiding your distaste at all. 

“Don’t pull this shit. Not after tonight,” he begged and ordered you all at once. “Please.”

“I’m just upset,” was all you could mutter, crossing your arms at your chest like a child. You felt slightly silly with your outward display of emotion, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care too much. “I wish the night would’ve ended differently.”

“Me too, y/n. I need you to know that,” he pleaded, eyes searching yours. 

For all of the ‘upset’ you were feeling encompass you, you did believe him. After everything he’d said tonight. The way he’d treated you all night long. . . You knew he wanted you back. That much was clear. 

“I do know,” you relented, shoulders easing as your shoulders sagged the slightest bit at the admittance. Because saying it out loud made you realize how straight up depressing this ‘love story’ had become. If you could even call it that. “I’m just tired.”

“Me too,” he loosely grinned, but the way it hung on his lips showed he wasn’t happy. He was empathetic — right there with you, sitting in the sadness that was y/n and Jake. 

The final knock was quicker—sharper. The way she’d rapped made it seem that she was either nervous for Jake’s safety or angry at him for possibly ignoring her (which he was most definitely doing). 

With a nod towards the door, you began to encourage him to leave you. “You better go—.”

At the same time, he’d thrown a thumb towards the front of the house. “I’ve gotta—.”

The interaction had you two sharing one last smile before he was twisting the doorknob and slipping out the door. 

You could not be judged for the tears that accompanied you as you finished getting ready for the movie.

And you definitely weren’t going to own up to the way you hid your face under your massive hoodie on your way out. There was no way in hell you were going to look at the beauty who you heard, still, in Jake’s room. 

It wasn’t because you felt guilty — no. Not at all. It was for the simple fact that she had him and you didn’t. 

There was absolutely no fucking use in denying you were jealous. Fire was in your chest, steam still coming from your ears, and your teeth continued to clench uncomfortably as you hopped in the backseat of your Grandparents’ car. 

Thank god it wasn’t Josh’s clunker. You couldn’t handle throwing up from exhaust fumes on top of everything else tonight. 

December 23, 2022

The next day, you woke up feeling frustrated. . . various types of frustration. 

You started the day by just laying in bed, staring at the spinning fan on your ceiling. You tried to allow the fan to ease you, but you couldn’t stop thinking about your night with Jake — from start to finish. Many circles were drawn across your chest in contemplation until you realized you needed to get up and start the day and get some shit done. You had a late afternoon shift at the Black and Gold. So, when you glimpsed your phone and saw it was already later than 8:30, you figured it was past time to get the day started.

You checked your reflection in the mirror, brushing through your hair once before throwing it up in a ponytail. Your reflection was not your friend, but. . . It was what it was. 

After the way you’d left things last night, you figured you’d make talking to Jake your first stop after you brushed your teeth. He was leaving for his trip today and you didn’t want to leave things on an awkward note before he left. And. . . you just wanted to see him before he was gone for the next couple of days. You missed him already and he wasn’t even gone yet. 

You hadn’t heard him making breakfast yet, so you assumed he was still sleeping. When you opened the door to your room and peeked down the hallway to see his room closed, your theory was essentially confirmed. His door had been shut when you’d made it home from the movie, too. 

So, you went about your morning routine – hastily as you could. Went pee. Washed your face. Brushed your teeth. Checked your hemoglobin. Fed Stevie. 

After fifteen long minutes of daily tasks, you finally went to knock on his door. But, when you knocked once, it made his door swing open at the touch. . . It hadn’t been closed all of the way? 

And. . . When you opened his door, your heart sank. No.

All you found was his bed. . . empty and made. The only whisper of Jake was an empty, unused duffel bag on the bed. Was he. . . already gone? Had he left? Why hadn’t he told you? 

That last thought hurt most of all. You checked your phone in your hand to double check your texts – maybe he’d texted you and you’d missed it. But, on sight, no unread texts appeared in front of you in your thread with him.

You did your best to push past it before lamenting in it. You had work and shit to get done today on top of focusing on being a joyful home for your baby. What you felt, she sensed and felt in her own little way. And, you’d had enough stress at the end of the night last night for you to cause her any more this morning. 

So, going against all of your normal instincts, you decided to not think much of it. It felt like old times when you’d shove things down, but it was also drastically different. Because this time, you weren’t doing it to be avoidant. You were doing it out of a pure and unadulterated love – aimed solely at your baby. 

The kitchen was your first stop – where you placed your phone on the counter, face down to avoid checking. You then went to make yourself a pomegranate smoothie. After downing that drink like nothing (out of stress, unfortunately), you’d washed your smoothie glass and the BlendJet. But your mind still raced with thoughts of Jake and his whereabouts (again, unfortunately). You thought of how he hadn’t thought to tell you anything before leaving. Well. . . That was if he had left-left,. . . You still weren’t sure.

If that were the case and Jake had left town with Maya, had everything last night meant so little to him that he hadn’t even thought to tell you he was leaving early? It appeared as such since he’d just let you wake up to an empty apartment. He hadn’t worried if you felt alone. All that had mattered to him, as soon as she’d walked through the front door, was Maya. 

You knew you were overthinking the entire scenario. But you couldn’t stop. You’d always been like this — always overthought things. It was a habit. Mentally squeezing the toxins from your worries into nearly every brain cell while forcing yourself to digest the negative. And, eventually, you’d never fail to convince yourself of the worst. 

Most definitely a trauma response, you knew that. But that truth couldn’t magically stop you from doing it. 

Gia’s advice echoed in your brain. . . Out with the negative, reach for the positive.

For Lavender at the very least. It was what you needed to do. 

Find ways to be less stressed, y/n, you encouraged yourself, physically shaking your head to rid yourself of the onslaught of emotions. 

So, that was just what you did. The idea that came to mind was honestly ideal for Christmas Eve-Eve, too. 

The first thing you did was indulge yourself — preheated the oven to make some cookies. They were the cheap, circular, break-apart ones with the little Christmas trees from Walmart. (You’d definitely been lacking impulse control when you’d decided on buying them, as they were more than unhealthy — but you were glad you had now.) 

As the oven did its thing, you decided it was time to execute the next part of the plan. This morning, you’d actually felt cold rather than overheated (for the first time in a hot damn minute), thanks to a sudden temperature drop outside. So, after turning on the heat (by a notch), you went to your room and bundled up in your coziest sweats and a sweatshirt, fuzzy socks completing the attire. 

Your favorite, fluffiest blanket came next, right off the foot of your bed. You threw it over your shoulder with glee, actually looking forward to this impromptu self-care time you’d decided on. When your blanket was officially tossed to wait on the couch – along with your phone (which you still hadn’t checked) – you went to put the cookies on a sheet and in the oven on a timer. 

And, you even got a wild hair while in the kitchen — deciding to make a steaming mug of hot chocolate. Might as well go all out.

Once you had the beverage started, you went to the living room and flipped through streaming services until you found the exact Christmas movie you wanted. As if the Christmas gods were smiling down on you, Love Actually was actually streaming on Netflix. 

Right as you clicked play, the cookie timer went off. You got those out and put a few warm cookies on a Santa plate (that you’d rediscovered a few days ago at the back of your cabinet), then grabbed the hot cocoa and finally snuggled down on the couch. It didn’t take long for Stevie to happily join in on the cozy morning, tucking herself into the crook of your bent knee.  

With your phone close by once again, you decided there was no time like the present to text Elsie and let her know that you wanted to do something with her tonight. Having her in town again was going to be the best damn thing in the world. 

(You were also sort of looking for an excuse to check your phone.) 

At the same time Billy Mack finally got the lyrics right, you pulled out your phone to text her with a smile on your lips at Bill Nighy’s problematic character.

But the smile turned to a face of shock at what greeted you on your screen. The name made your tummy flip. 

Jake. Two texts awaiting you, both delivered about twenty minutes ago. 

Jake, 9:32 a.m.: hey. You were gone when we left and my phone died on the flight, so I didn’t tell you

Jake, 9:32 a.m.: but we had to leave town early for Maya’s dad’s Christmas. Flight got rearranged and shit. Should be home late tomorrow night. I’ll keep you updated :)

You stared at the gray bubble. Your mind was racing and your throat was tight with emotion. Yes, last night had happened — you’d done that shit to yourself. . . You just couldn’t help yourself.  It had been something you’d waited for. . . . Longer for it more than anything. But it’d still been a poor decision – you had to remember this. It was a poor decision that made your head spin. 

No, the head spinning was not on behalf of Maya. Fuck that bitch. This was about you; all it had done was hurt you. But, last night, as soon as he wasn’t with you anymore, all you’d had were your thoughts to sit with. Including this morning, you’d had plenty of time to face the hard truth of the matter. 

You weren’t important like Maya. Yes, he’d been fine forgetting about her for a moment last night. But he’d simply been a victim to temptation and lust. She was the one he chose to be in love with – stay with. Whatever emotions you thought you’d interpreted from him last night were invalid when you broke it all down. A lot of shit could be said in a moment of weakness and passion. . . And who the fuck knew if you could trust it. 

Your trauma advised you not to trust his words from the night prior. People couldn’t be trusted with everything they said. Not even Jake, you were afraid. The ones you were fondest of were the ones who could hurt you the worst. Your past never failed to confirm this for you.

The texts just reinforced all of your overthought. He was out of town already. With his girlfriend. He was not your boyfriend. He wasn’t leaving town to see your family. And he didn’t even care to text until this morning to tell you. Left you to worry about him. And surely his phone hadn’t died right off the bat – he could have said something. Also. . . There was no way they hadn’t landed hours ago. Phone chargers were also a thing one couldn’t forget, and he’d definitely had access to one before 9:30 a.m.. 

Easy, made up excuses stared at you from your phone screen. 

You didn’t matter to him. 

So you’d respond as such. (Even when you loved him so much. . . You had to put up a front to protect yourself.)

You, 9:58 a.m.: No worries. I didn’t even think twice about it. Figured you were with her. You two have fun!

In astonishment, you got chills as you realized what you’d just sent. You were proud of yourself. Even though you were internally keeling over with love and hurt for the man, you were playing it very cool. Things would be okay if you forced them to be. Fake it till you make it. Right? 

Besides, at the end of the day, you only had to ‘force’ the ‘cool’ in a few areas. Your past, your future, Jake. . . You only had to pretend so much. 

There were plenty of other areas of your life that were naturally ‘okay’ and happy and joyful. The sonogram picture filling your screen as you locked your phone was enough to remind you of this. The photo worked magic and calmed your nerves on sight. 

Your baby girl. Your little Lavender — your tiny saving grace. She was a gift — already. 

Another cookie had just popped into our mouth as you snuggled down to distract yourself with more of Kiera Knightley’s storyline. . . . when you felt your phone buzz – not once but twice. You tried to play it off and ignore the way your tummy flipped. Tried not to think about how your text hadn’t warranted a response (on purpose). And still. . . you’d received two.

Then there was a third buzz. The vibrating sensation against your thigh pulled your thoughts to Jake. You thought of how he’d been the one to put your phone on vibrate in the first place. You dreamily recalled just how naked he’d been when he’d done it. . . Fuck. The way you bit your lip was a secret told between you, the TV, and Stevie only.

Your eyes stayed glued to the screen as you tried to downplay images from your escapade the night before; the distraction of Rick Grimes in a romantic comedy only worked so well.

The waiting period lasted roughly ten minutes. By the end of it, you were left with zero self control. You unlocked the phone faster than you would ever like to admit. 

Why were you waiting to read and respond like it was a game? Was that the right way to ‘play it cool’? You didn’t know. You were new to this.

Jake, 10:10 a.m.: how are you this morning?

Jake, 10:11 a.m.: I should have texted you last night. 

Jake, 10:12 a.m.: I had to pack my shit at the last minute and our plane was literally about to depart when we got to the airport. A clusterfuck of sorts, one might say 

The little gray bubble with ellipses kept popping up, just as soon going away. He was trying to think of what to say or something. . . Though, you didn’t have to wonder what he was typing for long. The message showed up as soon as the ellipses disappeared for the fourth time. 

Jake, 10:13 a.m.: oh and we’re in Charleston. South Carolina. 

Jake, 10:13 a.m.: A bit of a ways away… her dad lives here. But if you need me, I’m just a text away. For anything you need

Another glimpsing ellipses. . . .

Jake, 10:16 a.m.: I also wanted to apologize for last night

Jake, 10:16 a.m.: I wish it wouldn’t have turned out that way

At his words, your heart broke into a thousand pieces in your chest. What did he mean by that? Was he apologizing for it happening at all? Did he mean to imply that he was wishing it wouldn’t have ended with the interruptions? Or was it that he wished he hadn’t ended up in your bed?

You sat in contemplation, skeptically eyeing the phone screen. To be safe, you chose to respond vaguely. For one, you didn’t know what he meant, so how could you respond to something that could mean two things? And for two, you didn’t want to reveal too much of your heart. . . might it break more at a less-than desired response from his end.

You, 10:20 a.m.: It ended the way it did for a reason. I ended up having a great time with Josh and Elsie. And, I’m sure you’ve had a wonderful time with your girlfriend. :)

You wrinkled your nose in pure disgust at the smiley face. Texting that shit did not make you feel smiley. The flashing ellipses appeared momentarily from him, but nothing came for a bit. There was a slight lull that made your heart sink. Even if you were trying to be guarded, you did not want to stop talking to him. What you’d pondered earlier was true. You already missed him. 

You were a few scenes ahead in the movie twenty-some minutes later. . . Still waiting. Until you weren’t. His name popping up on the screen barely registered before you were unlocking to see what he’d said.

Jake, 10:45 a.m.: Elsie and Josh always bring a good time with them

Jake, 10:45 a.m.: As do you

Fuck. And what did that mean? Your pulse thrummed under your thumbs as they hovered over the keyboard. What would you say to that? Was there anything more laced in those three words?

Once you’d given that a good two minute stare, you went for a simple, kind response. 

You, 10:48 a.m.: Thanks, Jake. :)

For the first time that morning, you felt completely satisfied with what you’d texted. Two words and a smiley face. A win was a win. 

He didn’t waste time. Even though his read receipts weren’t on, the ellipses gave him away every time. Though, you weren’t sure if he cared too much that you noticed. . .

Jake, 10:50 a.m.: I really mean it, y/n. Last night was fucking incredible

While his words should have made you leap for joy, you weren’t sure how to feel about them. They made you feel sort of. . . Cheap. The way you immediately interpreted it was that he only thought you brought a good time when it came to your body. 

And while, yes, that was a turn on. . . It only made your heart feel halfway full. You loved how he’d viewed your body and treated it, but. . . Last night, for you, had been more about the long stares. The secret smiles. The heartfelt words exchanged (that he might have meant and might not have meant). Yes, his naked body was right at the front of your brain (how could it not be? Look at him). But, he was what mattered most to you. 

Not his appearance. Or his dick. Or his mouth. Or his fingers. (But, god, yes. Of course those really mattered, too).

In fact, in spite of yourself, you were squirming on your couch thinking of those things as you saw another gray ellipses pop up on the screen.

Jake, 10:52 a.m.: I thought about you the entire flight, baby

Jake, 10:52 a.m.: you are so fucking special to me. Your heart is the most beautiful thing about you

Jake, 10:53 a.m.: I have to tell you though. All night, I kept beating myself up over how close I was to finally fucking you again. Haven’t stopped thinking about it, actually 

Okay, then. 

The warm flush in your face traveled all the way down to the pit of your tummy. Your mouth fell open before you were closing it to bite your lip. Your heart thumped in your chest at the words taunting you from your screen. 

What does one say to that? If you were squirming before, you were fucking trembling now. Your movie was a faint noise in the background and what was left of your hot chocolate was bound to turn cold. You stared at that message long enough that the words started morphing together. 

Last night had been both a blessing and a curse. A tease of what you’d been wanting. And you could have gotten it. Had it not been for his stupid ass girlfriend. Elsie had been an issue, too, yes. But, you could’ve easily gotten rid of her. But Maya? Damn that woman. And damn her family for taking him away from you — so. far. away.

When you finally thought of something to say, you weren’t sure if it was truly the best thing to say. For the sake of exposing too much of your heart for eventual brokenness, you chewed on it. But eventually, you decided that you didn’t care. 

You, 11:06 a.m.: It was the worst way the evening could’ve ended. I was pretty fucking angry when she showed up because I knew you’d end up going to her. As always.

So much for not exposing your heart and playing it cool. That text screamed at you that it had all been for nothing. . . because at the end of the day, Jake Kiszka was your biggest weakness. And that was even without being pregnant. So, the hormones did nothing to assist you in the issue. 

Even though your response had taken a while, he didn’t let that get the best of him. His responses were speedy as hell. Maybe he really had been thinking about it. . .

Jake, 11:09 a.m.: I had no choice. I’d made that commitment to her

The words caused crimson red to flash in front of your eyes and your brain didn’t process time as you responded. 

You wanted to pop the fuck off on him. So, you did. 

You, 11:10 a.m.: What about the commitment I’ve made to carry your child? Am I nothing for that? Can’t even tell her to wait? Maybe make some time for me? Just for a quick fuck? I’d hope I’m worth at least that, Jake. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have said it. . . But you also didn’t fully regret saying it. You made a solid point (kind of). (. . .Except for the glaring fact that it hadn’t been his choice for you to make that bodily commitment. . . When it had been his choice to be and stay with her.) Honestly, the part you loved most about the fact was the spitefulness inflicted behind your words. It might have made you a bitch, but you were tired of acting like your feelings were one way when you knew for a damned well fact that they weren’t. 

You knew how much you cared. Hell, you’d made the move to admit to yourself (and him, apparently — way back when) that you loved the man, for crying out loud. The least you could do was show yourself some grace in being fucking honest in your anger. You really were hurt from last night. To hell with sounding petulant and unreasonable and ridiculous. . . You could always blame it on the hormones (which could very well be seriously to blame).

Your palms felt damp as you held your phone in slightly shaky hands. Your vision was still fuzzy and too clear all at once as you awaited his response. This one took a little longer than the others. 

Over your time waiting for him to say something, you tried to decide between two things. First, you weren’t sure if you were totally okay with what you’d said. (You were very angry, but that didn’t necessarily validate a person for snapping like you had.) And secondly, you contemplated if what you said was completely within reason and you were more angry with him for taking so damn long to answer.

Trying to get out of your head, you chose to engage in the movie the best you could. You only made it about twenty minutes before his name was on your screen again. 

Jake, 11:22 a.m.: what happened to you being the one who wanted me to go be with her all the damn time? You’ve been pretty insistent that I keep my sights set on her. What changed?

Your eyes narrowed at that. Yes, he had a point. . . But you didn’t give a fuck. So did you.

You, 11:23 a.m.: What changed???

You, 11:23 a.m.: Well, for one. YOU were pretty damn insistent on me being the center of your attention last night. YOU were fine with forgetting about her until all of that went out the window with one knock.

And, for a bit, it continued like that. Just the two of you, bickering. You, blowing smoke out of your ass and him, testing you right back.

Jake, 11:24 a.m.: I can’t forget about her if she’s literally at the front fucking door

You, 11:24 a.m.: And whose fault was that?

Jake, 11:25 a.m.: um. Not mine?? Why are you acting like I was in charge of the flight getting rescheduled last minute? 

You, 11:25 a.m.: Maybe if you would have kept your phone on you, you would have known that she was on her way. We wouldn’t have had to talk so damn much before. We could’ve gotten right fucking to it. 

Jake, 11:25 a.m.: my phone was the last thing I was thinking about when we left that bathroom

Jake, 11:26 a.m.: also, I have to ask. Is that all you wanted it to be? Just a quick fuck?

You, 11:28 a.m.: No. But I wouldn’t be surprised if YOU were fine with it just being a ‘quick fuck.’ 

Jake, 11: 29 a.m.: why me? Why is it always me who wouldn't want that?

You, 11:29 a.m.: It’s always been like that. Right?

Jake, 11:30 a.m.: you have got to be fucking joking. You know for a fact that’s not true.

You, 11:31 a.m.: Do I?

Jake, 11:32 a.m.: you damn well should know it. I don’t eat pussy like that for girls who are just a quick fuck

Oh. Well, then. You were left with no time to consider those words — or the way they were affecting you — before he was texting right after with his own rebuttal. 

Jake, 11:33 a.m.: is that you telling me that it’s always been like that for you though? I’ve only ever been a quick fuck?

You, 11:35 a.m.: Of course not.

Jake, 11:35 a.m.: okay then. So quit accusing me of it.

You, 11:36 a.m.: When have I ever been the one to sleep with multiple people at once? Wouldn’t you worry about being a quick fuck if roles were reversed?

That one must’ve left him stumped because you waited a few minutes for him to come back. Or, much to your dislike, you knew he could also be busy with Maya. Too busy to text you back. At that thought, a gentle hand drew to your tummy for comfort as your eyes welled with tears that you couldn’t avoid.

Jake, 11:39 a.m.: I don’t know why you are so convinced that I’m some sexual lunatic who has slept with all of these women. There were a few when I moved here, yes

Jake, 11:40 a.m.: but that only lasted for a bit and then it was just you and Maya. I’m not some man whore, y/n. My head was just fucked for a while and I didn’t know what else to fucking do with my emotions. Sex was easy so I used it to cope

You, 11:41 a.m.: It’s always me AND Maya. Isn’t it, Jake? Has it always been both of us? The whole summer, was it both of us? And you picked her, so.

Jake, 11:43 a.m.: we’ve talked about this, y/n

Vaguely, you remembered it. But it was hazy and wrapped around a lot of weed and a night that resulted in a baby. You could only remember things in bits from that night and they came back when they wanted. The details of his Maya explanation (because you knew there had been one — you remembered that much) were fuzzy and jumbled at best.

You, 11:44 a.m.: You know I don’t remember everything from that night, Jake. Definitely don’t remember enough to feel solid in claiming I remember EXACTLY what you told me.

Jake, 11:48 a.m.: well. I told you that I saw her for like a month from the middle of June to the middle of July. You asked if I kept seeing her after the night at baby’s all right and I told you that I had because I didn’t think you wanted me. At the time she was a woman who wanted to have regular sex with me and she was just there for me during a really hard time

Jake, 11:49 a.m.: but when you and I started fucking, I cut her off right away. Barely said a word to her to explain why I was done. Kind of ghosted her, actually. All that mattered to me at that point was that you wanted me. Because all I had wanted since the day I first saw you was you. But you only wanted me to a certain extent and then that day in the kitchen, I found out you didn’t want me at all. At least that was what you told me. 

Jake, 11:50 a.m.: you didn’t give me much of a choice that day, if you remember. I had served my purpose and you didn’t want me anymore

Jake, 11:50 a.m.: so I ran back to someone who was familiar and there she was. Point of the matter is you didn’t want me and it broke me, y/n. She wanted me, so we became more. It just happened like that

Jake, 11:50 a.m.: right now is the first time it’s honestly been both of you at the same time. And I’m not sure what the fuck I’m doing to be honest with you. I just know I want you so fucking badly it hurts me every single day. And she is someone I care about enough that I don’t want to break her heart. It’s just really fucking complicated

You sat in shock as you read the four messages. In all of your time knowing him, you had never seen the man type such long texts. . . and all back to back. He’d been waiting a while to say a lot of this. You were grateful he was being honest with you, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t fucking suck to read all of it. It made you want to shrink into yourself and succumb to all of the tears you could muster. Which, at this moment, were sure to be a hell of a lot if you gave in to the pressure pushing at your tear ducts. The pressure in your chest made the tears seem like nothing, though. You felt a weight fall so fucking heavy at your breastbone, you were positive your heart had become a fifty pound weight.

He had definitely put you on the spot with all of that just now. You were at a loss for words. But you had to say something. But your fight or flight was combatting with your raging hormones and your rambling emotions. So, even if you weren’t totally sure of it, you went ahead and typed out what you felt best in your fucked up head.

You, 11:53 a.m.: It’s really unfair of you to put all of the back and forth over the summer on me. You could have had me sooner had you not been such an asshole to me. I wanted you, too. Even if I shouldn’t have wanted you, I did. I had no fucking clue what to think half of the time, Jake. 

Your thumbs flew across the keyboard on your screen before he had time to respond. You had your own shit to say, and the more you typed, the more you didn’t have to think about it. There was some long overdue shit that you needed to express, too.

You, 11:54 a.m.: I was dealing with my own conflicted emotions when it came to how to approach shit with you because I didn’t want to betray Josh’s trust in our friendship by going against his wishes and seeing you. He didn’t want you seeing people. I knew that and I still saw you. So, I felt like shit over that. 

You, 11:55 a.m.: But since finding out about the baby, he and I have talked about all of that and I wish I would have just fessed up to him because I think it would have helped me be more open to everything. At the same time though, I’ve never wanted another woman to get in the way of you pursuing your dream. I didn’t want to be the reason you put yourself on the backburner again. 

You, 11:57 a.m.: I have cared about you for so long, Jake. Even when you were a prick, I cared about you. Josh once said we are more alike than we think and he is right. In a lot of ways, we are alike. One way we are not alike, though, is I have a really fucked up past that I don’t want you to have to deal with. Period. And I’m not fucking budging on that.

You, 11:58 a.m.: But I do want you, too. I hate it because I don’t want anything between us to ever get in the way of what could make you happiest. I’ve always felt this pull to you that I wish I didn’t because it’s unfair to you. And now that I have this baby inside of me… it is near impossible for me to deny the pull. I don’t WANT to deny it. But, at the same time, you are with someone else and that makes me feel even shittier about myself for possibly destroying it for you. And I’m just not sure what the fuck to do. 

He must have been reading them as they came in because his responses were coming back quickly.

Jake, 12:01 p.m.: don’t let any of what we engaged in last night or before make you feel like shit. That is the last fucking thing I want. Our past is complicated and maybe we will never figure it out. We definitely don’t need to be sorting it all out over text 

Jake, 12:02 p.m.: but I do know that if I don’t give in to this pull that we are both feeling right now, I’m going to regret it forever. No matter who else is involved, I need to have you again. And because of our situation, sex seems to be the only thing we are going to be able to have. It sucks, but it’s what we’ve done to ourselves

There was no way you could disagree with him when it came to regretting it. You would regret it forever, too. You had to have him. But. . . the worst part about all of it was that you knew it couldn’t last. Both of you were destined to be in a constant battle of never being able to fully have each other and that was fucking gut wrenching at best. 

And even if he didn’t want you to feel shitty, you did. Because the fact that it ever ended was your fault. Your fucked up brain from your fucked up childhood that you couldn’t even fully remember. It was the most repulsive and hilarious shit. Hilarious in the sense that it wasn’t funny. At all.

At that moment, you didn’t know what to do. So, you did what you did best and denied what you could to push past the hard emotions. You didn’t want to spend Christmas Eve Eve being down on yourself. As a gift to yourself, you wanted to grant yourself that reprieve. In the way you knew best. Avoidance. 

You, 12:03 p.m.: I know that at the end of the day, Maya is who you’d want anyway. I’m too much, Jake. You haven’t put up with me long enough to understand it. 

You, 12:03 p.m.: I am very thankful that you found Gia for me. So, really. Thank you again, because therapy is how I’m going to get better for Lavender. But SHE is my only goal right now. The baby. 

You, 12:04 p.m.: So I think it’s for the best that we’ve done this to ourselves. Truly. Sex is what we are best at anyway. It’s all we should be doing. When emotions get involved, we fuck it up. And when it’s just sex, it’s easier to cut off.

Jake, 12:05 p.m.: it’s funny. You said the same exact shit last time, but it didn’t make anything any easier for me in the end

You, 12:06 p.m.: So now it’s all about you?

Jake, 12:06 p.m.: jesus, y/n. Cut the shit. It wasn’t easy for you either

You, 12:07 p.m.: Well, I wish it would have been. 

Jake, 12:08 p.m.: I wish it would have been too. But we can’t always get what we fucking want, can we?

In order to avoid an argument, you took that as an opportunity to drop a joke. Again, you were trying to give yourself a gift. And an argument over half-lies with the man you loved was not a gift.

You, 12:09 p.m.: We sure can’t, Mick Jagger. 

After about ten minutes of staring at your screen with no response, you started losing faith in any sort of arrangement working out with Jake. And again, you’d only have yourself to blame for screwing up any progress that you two were making with the emotional explosion, from both of you, over fucking text messages. 

Your screen was becoming your worst enemy. You didn’t want to look at your rejected bright blue text any longer. But you were stuck in a staring contest with it, no matter how hard you didn’t want to be.

The laser focus concentration had you fucking jumping when the phone in your hand started buzzing with a call. But as soon as you calmed down and focused on Elsie’s name, your breath rushed back into your lungs at the fact that it was her. You needed her. 

Sweet relief. Thank you, Els, you thought gratefully as you clicked the green button, carefully sliding out of your texts before putting Elsie on speaker. 

You did not want to accidentally send a voice memo or a weird ass text by staying in your texts with Jake, as a phone got pressed to your heated cheek. 

“Hey El—.”

“Hey bitch, I’m pulling into the parking lot,” Elsie’s energetic voice cut you off. She’d most definitely been up for several hours already, being much more of a morning person than you’d ever been. “If you aren’t ready when I come knock on the door, I’m disowning you.”

“Give me a damn minute!” You grumbled, albeit happily, at her intrusion. You turned off the TV as soon as you could, though. Had to escape the confines of your living room. “You just called me.” After throwing the blanket off of you, you rushed around to throw away your cookies and dumped your cocoa down the sink. After washing all of the dishes you’d used, you went to find some decent clothing for an outing. Comfort was still key today, so some leggings and a sweatshirt were your goal. 

The conversation with her carried on into your bedroom, while you found clothes to wear. She was doing most of the talking as you figured out what to wear. A bigger black sweatshirt, black leggings, and black fuzzy socks. And a maternity bra today. The sports bras were decent, but the maternity bras felt much better, if you were given the choice. 

You took a minute to relieve your ear from Elsie’s rambling. When you pulled the phone away, she was still going on and on about something slightly crotchety your grandmother had said offhandedly that morning.

And when you took a break from her talking, your head cleared enough that you decided to put on a little bit of makeup. 

So, rather than continuing to be rude and ignore her spiel, you ended up telling her to just ‘be patient and wait for a few minutes’  in the car. You made sure to tack on a promise that you’d be down soon.

After she hung up with one last ‘hurry up!,’ you finished your mascara with a final comb over your left lashes. You brushed through your hair a couple of times in front of your full body mirror. And when you were observing your chosen outfit, your eyebrows drew in when you looked better at the dark material of the sweatshirt in the mirror. Bavarian Inn? This didn’t belong to you. . . You didn’t recognize it and it fit slightly bigger than your other sweaters. 

The closer you looked, the more you noticed it gave a specific location for the Inn. . . Frankenmuth, Michigan — the guys’ hometown. Right below the name of the hotel. Did this belong to Jake. . .? It could’ve been Josh’s, Sam’s, or Danny’s. . . . You knew it belonged to one of them, thanks to the Michigan reference. You were almost sure of it. 

But, still, an idea struck in your head.

You snapped a few quick selfies in the bigger sweatshirt. You made sure to angle the camera in a way that helped you feel confident and cute, while also showing the sweater. Your toes wiggled nervously in your white, fuzzy socks. 

You noticed your hair flowed over your shoulder beautifully. It helped you feel a little more confident in your idea.

After taking a few seconds to critique the photos, you chose the best one and sent it to Jake. 

Deep breath in. Why were you even anxious? His face had literally been between your thighs twelve hours ago.  

You, 12:23 p.m.: Yours? 

You, 12:23 p.m.: Or Theo’s? 🤔

For a second, you questioned if it was a good idea to send it. . . You were clearly just starting shit. But, glancing back at your bed, you remembered what had happened on it just a little more than twelve hours ago and how it was cut short by Jake and his girlfriend’s commitment. And, any sort of anxiety over sending it dissipated. 

And the idea that his girlfriend might see your text was fucking thrilling.

You clicked the phone closed, not wanting to watch and wait for a response. As you walked to the living room, you rubbed a hand over your belly before you stopped to give Stevie a few rubbies. She had hopped up on the back of the couch to bid you farewell. With one more twirl to her tail, you gave her back a gentle scratch before telling her you’d see her later.

Then, in no time, your belt bag was slung over your shoulder—almost good to go. As you laced up your trusty white, high-top Chucks, you felt your phone buzz in your belt bag. And simultaneously, you heard Elsie in the back of your head telling you to get your ass to the car. 

So, after slipping on your thicker coat to combat the cooler temperatures, you quickly made your way out of the apartment. 

It felt like old times to, once again, sit in the passenger seat of your Grandma’s old BMW. It was on its way to becoming a family heirloom, at this point. The car, having been new when you and Elsie had been kids. 

“Broke out this old clunker, hm?” You asked with a lilt in your tone. Even though you’d been in the car for a few minutes already, the shivering was nonstop with the shocking drop in temperature outside. Leaning forward a bit, belly tucked in the crook of your thighs, you placed your hands in front of the heat. After a couple beats, you were already feeling slightly better. 

And warm, warm, warm.

Man. While it was undoubtedly the coldest day so far for December of ‘22, the older car’s intense heat worked wonders. And it was quickly making you regret the coat. 

Without another thought, you were throwing off the offensive, heavy coat and throwing it in the pristinely kept backseat. Though, you knew, if Elsie took ownership of this car when she moved back, it wouldn’t stay like that for much longer. She was terrible at keeping a car clean. Unfortunately. Because, in all honesty, the car had been kept in great condition for its age. You’d expect no less from your Grandma, who kept everything sparkly clean. It was hardly a ‘clunker’. But it was still much older than your Jetta. 

“Did you hear nothing I said on the phone?” Elsie accused, but her voice indicated she wasn’t angry. She snorted a laugh before she spoke again. “I swear if Jake was up there with his whore of a girlf—.”

“Elsie!”

“Shut the fuck up,” she responded, rolling out of the lot in the vintage silver car. “You know you don’t like her.”

Rather than agreeing, you gave a bullshit response to save face. “Els, I’m trying to be better about respecting–.”

“Stop. She’s heinous and we don’t like her. It’s okay to say that, babe,” Elsie insisted, driving smoothly through a red light when she definitely shouldn’t have. “You, of all people, hold the right to bitch about the bitch.”

“Okay, Red Light Fuckin’ Special,” you poked at her, pulling down the mirror to swipe your lips with chapstick. “Jesus.”

“Red Light Special. . .,” She hummed, clicking her nails against the stereo as she turned up the Ariana Grande song. “That’s what Josh calls me when I go down at a red li—.”

“Okay, no,” you gagged, pretending to vomit at the thought. “Not this early in the day.”

“It is not early. It’s past noon. Damn, sleepy pants. ‘S like you’re carrying another life or something,” Elsie jested, looking over at you just as you did her, offering you a wink. “And that was no red light special, sis. No, no. California Roll is what I like to call that little move,” she jokingly boasted, tossing her perfectly curled hair over her shoulder. 

After the move, she did a little jig with her shoulders to a key change in the song, belting the lyrics from the top of her lungs. 

You couldn’t help but momentarily join in, letting “Santa Baby” by Ariana and Liz flow past your lips, fresh with Baby Lips chapstick. 

After sharing a giggle, you glanced at her from the corner of your eye after checking your very janky nails. “Can we get a manicure today?”

“Oh yes please,” she begged, sniffing a bit as she turned into the nearest Waffle House. Your favorite, trusted location. Just a few blocks from your apartment. “Christmas nails?”

“Ohhhh yes,” you agreed, placing your Baby Lips back in your belt bag. “But let’s do something subtle since it’s almost Christmas,” you laughed, zipping up your bag. The pocket with your phone buzzed again, reminding you of its earlier notification as you’d tied your Chucks.

Oh, yeah. . .Jake. You’d actually kind of forgotten about him.

You took Elsie’s momentary distraction with her lipstick in her mirror to check your phone. 

When you saw you had five texts from him, your tummy flipped and a sly grin pulled at your lips. You loved the way his name looked on your screen. You really did. And you were really hoping you’d gotten to him with your text. . . if even just a little bit.

Jake, 12:25 p.m.: what the fuck?? 

Jake, 12:25 p.m.: yes, y/n. It’s mine. I’m from Frankenmuth. Why the fuck would he have been to a tiny ass town like my hometown?

Jake, 12:30 p.m.: did you invite that fucker over last night or something? After hanging out with Elsie and Josh? Is that why you’re wondering if it’s his?

Jake, 12:31 p.m.: actually. Never mind that question. It’s not my place to care

Jake, 12:33 p.m.: I just hope the sweatshirt is keeping you warm enough

You couldn’t wipe the silly grin off your face or shoo away the butterflies going erratic in your tummy at his several texts in a row. Unbeknownst to you, though, Elsie had caught you, apparently. 

“What did Jake say?” 

What? How did she–? Your phone wasn’t even in her line of sight.

Y/n, the voice in your head said, sounding like Elsie as well. Be so for real. . . She knows you better than anyone.

But still, after opening and closing your mouth like a fish for a solid thirty seconds or more, you asked her. 

“How do you know it’s Jake?”

Fuck! Why didn’t you deny it?

Because there’s no point and you know it, the voice seemed to laugh at you. No point in lying to someone who will catch you in it.

 She didn’t answer you right off the bat, just curled her lips in a knowing grin as she raised a brow at you. You continued looking over at her, feeling stupid and not knowing what else to do. You shrugged, bugging your eyes with a shake of your head as if to say ‘what?!’. She looked like she was about to explode with laughter, with the way her lips shook and her eyes brightened mischievously. 

“How do I know it’s–?” She squeaked, a giggle finally escaping her lips. “Y/n– babe. Sis. Please. Don’t even act like I don’t know you’ve been imagining him in your bed every night since you found out in October. Probably even before you found out, too!” She exclaimed, sneaking a glance over at you as she turned the volume down. “You know I fucking know. It’s me!”

Obviously, you knew she was right. But you weren’t going to just let her get off that easily.

“Did Josh tell you anything?” You asked, suspicious that the activities from your game night had been exposed to your older sister.

“Maybe he spilled some information after your sad ass got out of the car last night. . .,” she smirked, eyebrows scrunched together in faked thought. 

“My ‘sad ass’? I was totally fine last nigh–.”

“Stop lying to me!” She rolled her eyes with a laugh in disbelief, the pitch in her voice raising with exasperation. “I heard Jake during our phone call and Josh put two and two together when we picked you up.”

“What did he–? How did he know anyth–?”

“He saw Maya’s car when we got there, I guess. Didn’t say anything about his little clue until the night was over though. After I brought up how depressed you’d acted all night long.”

“I didn’t act depressed, Elsie. God,” you corrected her, knowing she was most definitely the correct one. 

You knew you’d acted beaten down. Stupid – should’ve used last night to have fun rather than playing your turn of events over and over again in your head. Last night should have been a night of celebration that your sister was finally home (for good). 

You should have enjoyed the movie about Whitney fucking Houston while indulging in delicious food at Nitehawk during the movie. 

The stress eating had been unavoidable – especially when the menu had come out and your favorite dish had practically screamed your name. The root beer float and Charlie Bucket after your meal had been a pure act of self care for your broken heart. But. . . you’d still wound up sobbing during the final scene of the movie over much more than the obviously heartbreaking death of Whitney. Because, as she’d sung those songs, all that had appeared in your head was a reel of you and Jake. 

So, as Elsie and Josh had sung the movie soundtrack from the top of their lungs on the way home, you’d continued to silently sulk in the backseat as you finished the gummies in your Charlie Bucket. Your hood had been up and over your head to conceal your emotions. Said head, having laid dramatically against the car window as they’d had the time of their lives in the front seat. 

Okay. . . . Maybe you had been transparent in your emotions. 

“Yeah. . . You’re remembering, huh? Little Miss Depressed McMopey,” she smirked, although the smile didn’t reach her eyes as she seemed to be feeling your reminiscent melancholy with you. Not ever one to let you sit in your sadness for too long, she was squeezing your arm to bring you back to the moment. Your eyes snapped up to hers, the light in her blue irises brightened your spirits once more. “There she is. . .,” she paused, rubbing your arm until you were giving her the best smile you could manage. It wasn’t hard to put one on — not with Els; she made you feel at peace just by existing. “Now. . . back to Jake’s hands being all up in your no-no square during game night.”

At your open mouthed squeak, reminiscent to Lizzie-fucking-McGuire, she bursted out with a laugh. 

“Ohhh yeah, y/n,” she chuckled knowingly, blinking a few times for emphasis. “Oh. Yeah.”

Your mouth continued to gape, questions spilling past your lips in choppy sentences and barely intelligible words. To be fair, you were in shock at the sudden change in topic — the fact that she knew. 

“Josh told me everything. Well. . . everything he knows at least,” she cut into your sounds, your mouth momentarily clamping shut. “The rest I can piece together because you, sis, are my favorite puzzle to try and solve – always have been, always will be. It’s because you’re a fun puzzle for me. . . I put every piece together every damn time.”

You stared her down. Brows furrowed in contemplation and simmering annoyance. The fire that licked your veins was at Joshua for exposing you to her before you’d gotten the guts to say anything. “What is ‘everything’? What all did he divulge?” You were finally able to spit something out, your tone begging her to give more information. There was no hiding anything from her. No point in hiding anything in the first place – she was always going to figure you out — one way or another. 

She was right. She did solve your puzzle ‘every damn time’. 

She stayed quiet, smirking like a little rat. And curiosity getting the best of you as you squirmed under her knowing look. Like a petulant child, you crossed your arms over your chest, twitching your nose. “And what in the hell happened to my sweet best friend, Josh, who’s never liked exposing other peoples’ shit? He’s just decided that he’s done keeping my business, my business? Now he’s making it his to share–?”

“Oh, babe,” she interrupted you. “You two made it everyone’s business the other night, from what I heard. . . So, no. Josh still keeps shit to himself that isn’t his to share, but. . . he recalled his memory to me. My ears had to hear all of the details that you two exposed everyone to. It is not his fault that he had to witness pornography–.”

“He has got to stop with the porn shit,” you argued back, grasping for something to keep up your end of the conflict. “And it wasn’t ‘us two’. It was Jacob who started shit like that in front of everyone. I was an innocent party – a casualty at the hands of his attack.”

“Oh, yes. Little Miss Innocent. Mhm,” she snorted, turning the volume completely off before pinning you with a stare. “You definitely weren’t spreading your legs for your baby daddy. Right next to his damn girlfriend and everything.”

“Fuck,” you sighed, wimpily facepalming with one hand at her recollection. You didn’t know why you were fighting her on this. She was completely right and you knew it. Josh wouldn’t lie and Elsie wouldn’t bullshit you. The story she was telling sounded like the absolute truth and there was no getting around what she knew.

Besides, you could really use Elsie’s expertise on the situation. 

“He started it,” you moaned, placing both hands on your face to cover yourself a bit more. Even if it was Elsie, your sister who knew you best of all, you’d been caught red handed. And you were embarrassed.  You still couldn’t believe it had happened — in front of everyone. 

But, it had. And you had to own up to it once more. So, you released your face to look her in the eyes. Get it over with. “I couldn’t fucking resist. Because, yes, Elsie. Big ‘ol fucking shocker. You are right and I haven’t stopped wanting Jake in my bed. Not once,” you rambled, eyes widening to emphasize your point as you explained. “Practically since the moment I met him – even when he was acting like a prick. Since the beginning, I’ve wanted him. Yes. And the whole ‘being pregnant with his baby’ thing just makes matters worse, so give me. a fucking. break.”

There you go. You said it and there was no taking it back now. 

Would you look at that? Admitting things to yourself at the same time you were admitting them to your sister. Was it considered growth? Gia would probably say so. 

“Caught ya. But I knew all of that already,” she snickered, turning up the seat warmer on her side, showing her intrigue. “So, what did he say that no one heard? I need the tiny details. I know everything else. Did you two end up fuckin’ or what?”

Well. Not quite. So, you’d deny. As long as you could.

“No! He has a girlfriend, Elsie.” 

Didn’t stop you last night. Come on, y/n. . . 

You shook your head at the inner voice taunting you. “Even if I do want him, I shouldn’t want him,” you mumbled, knowing that was the truth. No matter what had happened, you were wrong for wanting him. “Whether his baby is inside of me or not, I shouldn’t. Morality is a thing, you know.”

Yeah. Morality means so much after last night. You are so right, y/n. Morality Queen. In the flesh. 

Memories and moments from the night prior were bouncing around in your head, playing a game of torture and mockery as you said one thing while re-living another. Your moans as he’d devoured you, everywhere. His naked body, under your hands. Your tits, held so well in his hands. The emotional exchanging of words. His dick, just about to enter you. . . Had it not been for–.

“Mhm,” she replied, lips pursed as she narrowed her eyes at you. “But you do want him. So. . . Fucking take him. I am sure you two have already fucked again anyway. So, the morality bullshit means virtually nothing at this point.”

“We haven’t had sex again, Elsie,” you grumbled, brushing a hand through your hair as your phone buzzed again in your hands. At the feeling against your thigh, you suddenly got terrified that you’d accidentally recorded and sent this entire conversation. Fuck. You hurriedly picked up your phone in shaky hands to check for any accidental recordings. 

When you glanced at your screen, you saw a new text from Jake. But you barely cared until you opened your text thread with him to find out if you’d accidentally sent anything. . .

But, you found no accidental messages when you checked your thread. Thank god. You hadn’t sent anything. All that greeted you were his (now six) texts sitting and awaiting a response. The five from earlier, still glaring at you. 

His most recent one yanked your heart from your chest and shoved it into your throat, though. Your eyes slid down the screen, taking in every word.

Jake, 12:47 p.m.: I’m really sorry for being an ass. I know I shouldn’t ask you about him. But just like you hate thinking about Maya and me, I hate thinking about you and him. But I know I shouldn’t ask you shit. Just know I miss you and I really do hope the sweatshirt has kept you and our baby girl warm in the fuckin frigid weather. I checked Brooklyn’s forecast today and it’s cold for you guys. So please stay warm. You don’t need to be getting sick

You couldn’t read that and not respond to him – especially when you’d been the one to stir shit during a morning already wrought with tense text messages. . . after a night like last night. 

So, even as Elsie cleared her throat in anticipation, you gave her a sideways glance. “Just give me a sec, Els,” you insisted, already typing out your response to him.

“Is it Jake?”

“Fuck, Elsie!” You whined, blinking once at your screen before your eyes flew to glare at her. “Yes, Elsie Mabel. It is Jake,” you sneered, irritable and hungry. And, due to being very much pregnant, those two things were enhanced tenfold, making your blood heat. And, quite frankly, your head was swimming with lovesickness for the man on the other side of the phone – who was way too far away for your fucking liking, thanks to his bitch of a girlfriend. 

“And, if you must know, while we haven’t had sex, it is not for lack of fucking trying. Last night, my dear, dear sister, his face was most definitely between my thighs,” you stated, watching her jaw drop. Both of her dainty hands went to her mouth to cover a giant, shit-eating grin. “Yes, Elsie. You are right. It is exciting. I’d love to smile and celebrate with you,” you feigned glee, sarcasm dripping from your tone when a sneer met your lips with your next words. “However, it can’t be completely exciting. Because, that blissful act had almost turned into sex. His dick was right there—waiting for fucking entry and everything.” You took a moment to consider if you’d said too much. But you didn’t care enough to contemplate it much more than that. “But, Elsie, your interrupting phone calls and Maya’s quite unexpected arrival made that shit impossible for us. His dick, taken away from me and wrapped, yet again, behind a fucking towel.” pausing, you reeled in your dramatics (again, you were pregnant. Emotions were high. . . And, admittedly, you were still very wound up from last night). 

You gave her a moment to let the shock fade however it could before you were looking back at your phone screen. “Now, please, let me finish this fucking text.”

You, 12:54 p.m.: Jake. Stop. I am the one who started it with my texts. So, please, don’t apologize for getting upset. I wanted to make you upset and THAT was wrong of ME. I was the one being an ass. For no reason whatsoever. And I am the one sorry for THAT. It was stupid. Seriously. 

You, 12:55 p.m.: Also, I am staying warm. Your sweatshirt is very comfy and I am wearing my big coat and thick socks. 

And while you really didn’t want to send the next text, you still did. It was what was right. 

You, 12:56 p.m.: Now, please. Spend time with Maya and don’t worry about me. I don’t want to take any more of your time away from her. Put your phone down and focus on her. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine and I will see you when you get back. 

Not wanting to do it at all, you couldn’t deny the validity in the idea that instantly sprung to your mind to keep him away. It was a good idea.

You, 12:56 p.m.: In fact, I’ll put my phone on Do Not Disturb to remind you to not reach out. I would like for you to enjoy your time with her without being bothered by me and my antics.

Doing just what you said you would, you took a moment to switch your phone onto Do Not Disturb and locked your phone before angrily shoving it in your belt bag. You really fucking hated saying all of that shit about Maya. You hated the entire situation. All of it. Every side of your predicament sucked ass. The only thing that didn’t make you want to punch a wall was Lavender. 

You felt tears well in your eyes at the thought of her and let yourself wallow for a minute as you tried to take steady breaths. Your eyes focused on the offensive bright yellow color of the Waffle House in front of you as your mind swirled with thoughts of your future. Your baby.

She was a prize that you continuously didn’t deserve. And, selfishly, you were so ready to just hold her and feel like your pain through all of this was worth something. Because, no matter what, even if your heart broke for Jake every day, this baby was the best thing that could’ve come from what the two of you had always seemed to have. The thing between you and Jake that had never been for his best interest. A ridiculous mess you’d created. . . The night you made her, the one validating part of your selfish ideas that had come to fruition. 

Nothing else had ever worked in favor of you two, most likely due to the fact that you two weren’t supposed to work. And, you were absolutely the sole cause for that. Fuck you and fuck everything that made you so damn screwed up and unworthy of a pure love.

No, y/n. Stop it. Don’t do this, the voice in your head that mimicked Gia insisted. Out with the negative, reach for the positive. 

You put a hand to your tummy, taking a deep breath in and out as you wiped your cheeks. A few stray tears littered the skin. As you came back to, you realized Elsie’s delicate hand on your thigh, giving intermittent squeezes in time with your breathing. You imagined she’d been doing it the entire time you’d sulked. You looked up and to your left, leveling your sister with a look.

She was, surprisingly, patiently waiting. Wasn’t pushing you to say anything. Her own eyes were shining with emotion at your internal battle that you knew she knew all too well.  

Rather than saying anything to continue your conversation, though, you eyed the time on the stereo. And, upon checking it, you realized how you’d wasted your morning. It was gone and afternoon was here and you had to work soon. Fuck it all.

With a defeated sigh and slouch against your seat, you grumbled at your sister with a sideways glance. “I have to be at work in an hour and a half. And I still want to get nails done. Can we just get breakfast at Starbucks or something?”

Without a word, Elsie gave your leg one final grip before she flipped back to the front and put the car in drive. “Absolutely, babe.”

“I’m sorry,” you moaned. “I’m ruining our day together.”

“Get out of your damn head and don’t say sorry. You haven’t ruined anything,” she quipped, coming to her first stoplight before reaching over to hold your hand. With a lone tear in your eye, you looked over to listen as she continued. “We will get Starbs, get our nails done, I’ll take you to work. . . and then, tonight, we can go get something to eat and rot on the couch while we watch a Christmas movie.”

The plan sounded wonderful, actually, so you said as much and thanked her for loving you. She’d waved you off, but you did have a thought that made your heart feel a little fuller as she turned into Starbucks. So, you voiced the thought with a request. “Can Josh join tonight?”

“Do you want him to?”

“Yes please,” you answered with a barely there smile, pulling yourself up from your slumped position the best you could with the added weight at your waist. The task proved a little more difficult than you would have liked, but Elsie was distracted as she was already calling  Josh to ask him. 

You glumly realized as they spoke that if Jake were here, he would have helped you into a sitting position. He would have made sure you were comfortable before doing anything else. He would have then placed his hand over your own, which still laid contentedly on your bump. 

And. . . the tears were tempting your tear ducts once more as Elsie hung up with Josh and moved forward the slightest bit in the long ass line.

You tried your best to conceal your sniffles, but she’d caught onto one and reached to hold your hand once more. At her touch, your skin felt a little warmer and you held tight to her sure hand. Your other palm never left your baby, not letting up on that feeling for a second, either. 

“Josh said you pick where we eat and you pick the movie and that none of us are a fan of Jake being gone so close to the holidays.”

“I never said–.”

“Babe, you don’t have to say it,” Elsie snickered, pulling up behind the car that was ordering at the speaker. “What do you want?”

You were about to answer by telling her to get your usual, but you knew you probably shouldn’t be drinking that much caffeine, so you settled on yet another hot chocolate. You’d never been the biggest fan of hot cocoa. At least, not so much to drink it multiple times in a week like you had this week. But, apparently the baby liked it, as you were suddenly craving it like no other as you eyeballed it on the menu. 

When you told her what you wanted, she raised a brow. She was thinking the same exact thing as you – knew that you only drank the beverage on special occasions, never one to seek it out.

“The baby must like it,” you responded, a shaky smile coming to rest on your lips. 

Even if your eyes were still watering, the thought of Lavender someday asking for hot chocolate at a Starbucks drive thru made your heart happy. 

You cleared your throat and shook your head, starting to feel a lot better already. “I think it’s like the third time I’ve had it this week or something.”

Elsie raised a brow at you as she pulled up to the speaker and gave her order. You gazed out the windshield, watching in awe as the hoards of cars pulled out onto the busy streets. A lot of people were late to Christmas shopping, it seemed. . . 

“So, are you thinking you’re going to end up fucking him again?”

Even though the words were a stark contrast to your thoughts, they didn’t make you jolt a bit. Now that it was out in the open, you were glad to discuss it with her. You’d kind of been waiting to talk to her about it. The thought hadn’t stopped lurking in the back of your mind since last night. It persisted in a way that it felt natural for her to ask, coinciding with your revolving door of Jake-centered thoughts. 

“I don’t know,” you breathed in deeply through your nose, letting it out slowly through your mouth. Your eyes caught sight of a little girl across the way. She couldn’t have been more than three, with long brown hair and a sweet face. Her round little baby face, bright with a grin. In spite of yourself, you grinned at the sight as she walked with her mother. “I hope I get to have that with him again. Just one more time, at the very least. But. . . I know I shouldn’t hope so.”

“Why?” 

“He–.”

“And don’t say it’s because he’s taken,” she cut you off, pointing a finger towards you, inching up in line bit by bit. 

“But that’s the harsh truth, Els.”

“Well, it’s not the only ‘harsh truth’,” she clarified, making you raise a brow. “The other truth is that you are entitled to want the man. I mean, considering you are providing a bodily home for his baby everyday. . . Come on,” she shook her head as if to imply that her point was obvious. 

“Also, his cunt of a girlfriend needs to grow the fuck up. Needs to get it through her damn head that she needs to take a step back. And the next time she says any shit about my niece. . .,” She moved forward in line, huffing a quick breath from her mouth, as if working to relax any oncoming anger. “She doesn’t want to try. Not in front of me, at least. Because, not only is she insulting Lav, she’s insulting you and you are doing something she should fucking respect.”

At her words, you shook your head. . . you agreed — to an extent. But. . . she definitely had the right to not want you to fu—.

“And, what Josh told me. . . He said you and Jake, during that game – when you did each other in front of our friends, that bitch, and the entirety of Brooklyn, New York,” she began. You snorted at her with a roll of your eyes as she kept on. “He said she looked about ready to snap. So, surely that’s why she bit your head off, right? Said that ugly shit the baby?” 

“I’m sure.”

“Did Jake hear her? Josh didn’t tell me.”

“No.”

“Are you going to tell Jake? That she said that?”

“No.”

“And why not?” She asked, sort of accusing and critically. “It’s his prerogative to know that she’s talking like that about his baby.”

“I just don’t think it’s the time to bring it up. . . It wasn’t something so alarming that I feel the need to tell him, either,” you explained, feeling as though you were making excuses for Maya’s actions. Why did you care to defend Maya, of all people? Because you felt guilty? Probably. Goddamn. Your emotions were so back and forth. “She’ll slip up again, surely.”

“So now we just wait?”

“Yep,” you shrugged, not knowing what else to tell her. “I guess.”

“And, even if it meant you’d get to fuck him tomorrow if you told him today, you still wouldn’t?”

“I just don’t think it’s my place, Els,” you reluctantly answered, knowing she had a point. But, still. You had to err on the side of what was right. And it felt right to keep your mouth shut. Didn’t want to tell him she’d been hateful just so you could get him in bed (even though you knew it would be for more than that). “If he’s meant to hear something, he will.”

“You are a better woman than me, sis,” she replied, pulling up to the window with a cheerful greeting before paying and intercepting the drinks with a ‘thank you!’. 

As she pulled out a touch too quickly, you lurched forward in your seat, almost spilling your drink. “Okay, could we maybe take things a little slower, Elsie?”

“Don’t wanna spill on Jake’s sweatshirt?”

“Fuck off. How do you know it’s—?”

“It says Frankenmuth on the front, dumbass. Josh doesn’t own shit like that and I don’t know why Sammy or Danny’s clothes would be at your place.” 

You glared at her, at which she flicked her eyes over to you. When she looked, you said your piece. “Thank you so much for calling me a dumbass.”

“That’s all you heard from that?” 

“Yes. Your stupid ass correcting tone pissed me off, so I stopped listening after that.”

She blew out a breath as she made all of the correct turns to get to your favorite nail salon. “You really need to get some because you’re in desperate need of an attitude adjustment.”

“All because I told you to drive carefully and don’t like being called a dumbass?”

“Well, I just think you should let yourself have him.”

You groaned, exasperated that she was using anything to bring it up. 

Your warm drink was held in between your cupped hands, making you delightfully shiver for more reasons than one. You nestled the cup in your lap, letting the heat radiate all the way up your arms. “It’s not that simple.”

“Well, I happen to think it is,” she encouraged, pulling into the parking lot of the salon. “And you’ve always respected my advice, so. . . consider just giving in to what you want.”

Not able to believe you were yet again giving the idea any sort of weight, you unbuckled your seatbelt as Elsie did hers as well. “Even if people could get hurt?”

“Who the hell is going to get hurt besides Maya, the Massive Cunt?”

“Um,” you wrinkled your brow with a tilt of your head before bringing your drink up to your lips for a tiny sip. “Maybe Jake? Who didn’t ask for any of this and just got it thrown on him? After he went to her? After he chose her over me because I was the bitch who broke his heart? He could ultimately miss out on true happiness because of me giving in to a selfish need — yet again.”

“I’m going to ignore most of that because you know it’s bullshit and that he wants you, too,” Elsie argued, finally taking a drink of her White Chocolate Peppermint Mocha. She hummed in satisfaction at the taste, her eyes closing momentarily. “If you give Jake your coochie-pop, do you really think he’s going to be hurt?”

“Coochie-pop?”

“Your wishing well, honey pot, poontang, dripping delta, whisker box–.”

You couldn’t help but squawk, the hilarious names for a vagina killing you. “Whisker box?!” 

“. . .Because it’s your pussy?. . .” She asked, as if you were completely unaware of what she was implying. “Get it?”

“No, I know exactly what you meant,” you corrected her train of thought, shaking your head before combing a hand through your hair. Blowing out another breath, you couldn’t help the giggle that followed it. 

“Well. Whatever you want to call it, you know I’m right,” she concluded, giving you a satisfied grin before opening her door. “Now, let’s go get our nails done and we can compare how each twin refers to our pus–.”

“Nope!” You answered enthusiastically, awkwardly angling yourself to grab your coat from the backseat. Out of breath at the simple task, you knew you’d still obtained it the best you could with the obtrusion of a belly. And while you loved the baby, — so much — it was still frustrating getting used to the extra addition at your front. In a rush, you put it on before getting out. 

She was already at the shop door when you closed the passenger side, waiting for you. When you met her there, you finished your thought. “That conversation, my dearest sister, is not one I’d like to partake in.”

“Seriously?” 

Your eyes bulged out of your sockets at her, your hands tucking deep into your pockets to warm up from the crisp chill of the wind as it bitterly whipped against your face. Reaching a bit further in your pockets, you tried to grasp for Elsie’s missing sanity. “Yes, Elsie! Seriously!”

“I just want you to know,” she began, walking into the warm shop after you. Both of you shook off the chill from the winter day once you were safe inside. “That whenever you finally give in and do the dirty with him again, I will be selfless and listen to you if you wish to discuss it with anyone.”

You shushed her, looking around at the other occupants of the salon. They were oblivious to her, thankfully, as the shop played Christmas classics to drown out obnoxious people like your sister. 

“Whatever, Elsie. You’re just nosy as hell,” you rolled your eyes with a grin before turning your attention to the cute little lady at the front counter, who you knew to own the studio. 

The tiny woman with inky black locks, tied in a clip at the back of her head, nodded with a smile as she wrote you into the schedule for your nail requests. She told you it would be about ten minutes to get you with a tech, so you decided to take one of the chairs that sat in a row against the windows at the front of the store. Your feet were not in the mood for you to be standing any longer than necessary – especially since you still had to work today.

Elsie grabbed some colors for the two of you to look at on her way to sit beside you. She handed you a Christmas color swatch that you instantly began perusing as she looked through the other palette of winter colors. “Sparkly?” She questioned from your left. 

You pursed your lips in contemplation as you studied the non-sparkly DND colors in your hands. The plainness of the dark Aurora Green and Cherry Mocha appealed to you more than the colors she held, as you glanced over to give the sparkly polishes a chance.

“I think I wanna go with no sparkles,” you decided, bringing your swatch up to show her before pointing to the Aurora Green. “I’m really leaning towards this dark green.”

“Ooh, I love,” she encouraged, leaning over you to toss her colors in the basket next to you. “What’s the number?”

“747,” you recited as she typed it into her phone, before crossing her legs and tucking the device back into the crease she’d made between her thighs. Copying her previous action, you deposited your nail colors into the wicker basket. 

You tucked your hands under your belly and leaned back against the window. All of the women around you, either chatting it up or engrossed in their phones. The sight made a thought come to you. Looking over at your sister, the back of your head still balanced against the cool window, you voiced your realization to gauge her opinion. “Els—I just thought. . . I haven’t posted a picture on any of my socials of my belly or said a damn thing anywhere about being pregnant.”

“Well, do you want to?” She wondered aloud, chewing the inside of her lip (something you both did). 

“You know, now that I’ve thought about it, I feel like I’m not going to stop thinking about it until I do it,” you responded, leaning up from your position to get your phone out of your belt bag that was still slung across your chest. When you saw zero notifications, you remembered your Do Not Disturb idea and quickly checked your call log to see if you’d missed anyone important. 

No one. Wow. You were so damn popular. You left that app to go to Pinterest to look at some pose ideas. And, hard as it was, you avoided going to your texts. Because, you figured if it was important enough, you’d have gotten a call from anyone who might’ve texted you. 

You simply did not want to face the reality of Jake adhering to your ridiculous request. 

When you looked over at Elsie from the corner of your eye, she was already looking at her own Pinterest app. And while you had simply typed ‘maternity announcement poses’, your scheming sister had typed ‘sexy boudoir maternity poses.’

“Elsie Mabel!” You reprimanded her with a laugh, bumping her shoulder with your own. “Why the sexy? And definitely no boudoir. Are you kidding?”

“What?!” She said, giving you a wink. At which, you just shook your head and mouthed a final ‘no’. Growling, you watched as she deleted the ‘boudoir’, but noticed how she kept the ‘sexy’. “And — before you get onto me for keeping the sexy, I will let you know: you get better results if you throw in a word like that.”

You really weren’t so offended by that idea. The boudoir was just too much. Honestly, playing around with some sexy pictures, with the bonus of Elsie’s time and help. . . It might even aid in boosting your mood. And, you had to say. . . your body confidence was definitely better since last night, you could say that much. 

Jake had done a wondrous job at making you feel very appealing and truly attractive. Fuck, you wished you could go back in time and change the night’s turn of events. Ridiculous ass luck.

Squeezing your legs tighter together, you did as she said and typed the same into your search bar. You even tacked on ‘black and white’ because you liked the idea of that, too. . . 

And damn were you happy with the results. 

“Oookay, Els. . . You might be onto something,” you said appreciatively, nudging her shoulder once more as you found one to show her. 

Right off the bat, there was one pose in particular you knew you had to use. When you pointed to it to show her, she stuck her bottom lip out to show respect for the idea. “His shirt, too?” She asked with a sly brow. 

All you did was wink at her before pinning the scandalous picture to your brand new board.  

a/n: i love you all an inexplicable amount. you have no idea. covet is my baby + i think it's time i thank you all, once again, for loving her w me :') i wouldn't be where i am today without your support, my loves :''')

also..... after being asked several times, i gave in to the temptation... i finally took some time today to update the Covet Visualizer i made when covet was just an infant :') lol. you may view it if you'd like. however, you don't NEED TO. i simply am a very visual person, sooo i made it for my fellow visual learners/lovers. (IF YOU DO CHOOSE TO USE IT, PLEASE VIEW IT IN PRINT LAYOUT!! — esp if you’re using the docs app/are on your phone!!)

Taglist (continued in reblog):

@joshym, @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface, @jaketlover, @ohgodthefeeling-gvf, @starcatcher-jake, @anythingforjtk, @lucimoo, @indigostreakmorgan, @gretavanbear, @katelynn-gvf, @alwaysonthemend

@aintthatapity, @bowievanfleet, @fwzco, @takenbythemadness, @cherry-icecreamsmile, @laneygvf, @hi-hi-hello11, @sinarainbows, @jakesbarbarian, @mybussyinchrist, @becinabubblegvf, @heckingfrick, @danigvf, @pinkandsleepy1934, @derrangeddumpsterfire, @klarxtr, @josh-iamyour-mama, @abby-gvf, @cassyface, @gretavansabotage, @sacredtheslay, @alienobsever, @hollyco, @age0fwagner, @raceb14, @stardustcatcher, @styles-canvas, @ladywhimsymoon, @earthgrlsreasy, @peaceloveunitygvf

@torniturntomyarrow, @joshsbonnet, @llrosee, @starshine-gvf, @itsafullmoon, @gvfmarge, @creadliz98, @mackalah, @lek-gvf, @carlyfleet, @profitofthedune, @mefiorini, @welllauragvf, @highway-tuna, @dont-go-home-without-me, @sarah-gvf01, @polemicandcontent, @ageofbajabule, @texas-bbq-pringles, @jennyraye20

I always try to tag everyone, but you all know how it goes! ughhh (taglist will be cont. in reblog !!) Please make sure you’re filling out my Google Form if you would like to be tagged and aren’t already on the taglist! <3

[theamazingdigitalraceway]

CHAPTER TWELVE

Welcome to Jurassic Park I mean, the Clamouring Cretaceous Claypits! Enjoy the scenery while it lasts and take photos of the dinos that cross your path! Be mindful of the carnivores, but don't worry! They only want to play! This is my game. My world. I will tear it apart to make it my own again.

A/N: special thanks to @paper-fowl for the track!

WARNING: digital body horror, peril, angst

~~~

Caine slowly hovered around the dark prison cell. The glow of the gold binary illuminated him from below. Light blue chains of code held out to the unseen walls, binding the prisoner in place. "Long time no see, Abel. Nice to see you're still holding out. Would hate for abstraction to take you away from your punishment too early."

Abel didn't respond. Didn't even move. His casual work office attire hung loosely from his tired body. Long, curled black hair hung over his face as he stared at the floor. A short unkept beard obscured the lower half of his face.

Caine visually inspected each part of the cell as he made his way around. "You look just as awful as the day I threw you in here. Tell me, so you still feel hunger? Thirst? Exhaustion? Everything a human body craves?" He used the head of his cane to lift Abel's chin. Thick curtains of hair covered Abel's face, but Caine could see his eyes cracked open. Piercing blue stared weakly back at him.

Caine tilted his head in mocking curiosity. "To be so close to death, and yet it will never come. One would think you should be pitied."

Caine turned swiftly, dropping Abel's head. The coded chains rattled lightly from the movement. He left the hidden cell and looked at Abel one last time before reactivating the firewall. "Captivum aeternum." Heatless fire closed around Abel and he was hidden from sight once again, beyond the void.

Abel lifted his head slightly as the light from the void beyond the fire faded. He glared at Caine's silhouette, blue static sparking in his iris. His body went limp as the static arced from his eyes and went through the cell floor.

~

Pomni sat on the edge of her bed, staring at the mystic galaxy rose. She slowly rotated it in her hand, the light butterfly fluttering around her wrist. Tears welled in her eyes. She was so overwhelmed by everything. She didn't know what to do, who to trust, so she cried. She was so lost in her emotions, she didn't even register the knock at her door.

Ragatha peeked inside. "Hey, sorry for intruding. It's just, we're worried about you, Pomni. Is it okay if I come in?"

Pomni didn't have the energy to answer. She let her tears drip onto the rose in her hand. Ragatha sat next to Pomni and put an arm around her. "Today was a lot. Do you wanna talk about it?"

Pomni sniffed, wiping her face with her sleeve. "It's more than that. So much more."

"Is it about us pressuring you to get answers out of Caine? We're desperate, but if this is too much, I understand-"

"Things are getting complicated." Pomni sighed, trying to stop crying. "Ragatha, does the name Abel mean anything to you?"

Ragatha thought for a moment. "No, why?"

"This person? Entity? Ghost? By that name has been talking to me. He says he can fix the exit. All I have to do is keep Caine distracted, but...I don't know if I should trust him. He seems a bit...unstable."

"A ghost is telling you he can get us out?"

"I know, it sounds crazy, but he's real. He's the one that been causing the crazy glitches. He was the reason the beast went berserk on the Fairy track. He said things will get worse because he's getting close to the mainframe, whatever that means."

"Pomni, I want to leave as much as the next person, but that does sound crazy. Have you told Caine?"

"No. I don't know if I can trust him either. He controls everything. What's to stop him from lying to gain my favor. To think I might be falling for it..." Pomni dropped the rose. "And now it turns out he has a twin brother of sorts??? Some [%$!#]head biker that makes the races even harder?? Like, WHY??"

Ragatha smiled sympathetically. "Caine's gone to some pretty strange lengths to keep us entertained. He's always seemed genuinely remorseful when someone abstracted, even if he kept his distance." She picked up the rose. "He's more human than I've ever thought possible, that's for sure."

"Enough to have real feelings for..?" Pomni mumbled.

"Maybe."

"Do you think he'd really let us go if the exit was fixed?"

Ragatha hesitated. "...I don't know."

"That's what scares me." Pomni held herself and leaned on Ragatha's shoulder.

Ragatha held the rose in from of Pomni as she comfortingly squeezed her shoulder. "I dont know much, but I don't think falling in love is a bad thing. If it helps, I know for a fact that he's never done this before."

Pomni stared at the beautiful rose. The voice in her head telling her it was all a sham to make her want to stay was getting quieter, overridden by her heart starting to crave his interaction. The very thought of him made her feel butterflies. "It's like Jax said...we either succum to the madness or get broken by it. I suppose I'm choosing the former." She scoffed at herself.

Ragatha sighed, thinking of her casual relationship with Loo. Another AI. "Whatever helps you cope."

"Thank you, Ragatha."

Ragatha smiled and leaned her head on Pomni's. "Anytime."

~

The next day, everyone sat silently in the lounge while waiting for Caine. No one ate, the air was too tense. Bubble chef hovered over the table, confused as to why they had no food requests.

"I'm fine. Please, stop staring." Pomni said from behind her hands as she leaned on her knees.

"Are you sure your ready to race?" Gummigoo asked.

"As long as nothing weird happens, I'll be fine."

"I'm pretty sure weird things happen no matter what." Gangle commented.

Caine popped in. "Hello, my bouncy baby beans! I hope you're ready to have a good race, because I've revamped an old favorite for today! Some our long term racers may remember a certain Clamoring Cretaceous Claypits??"

"Oh, yeah." Kinger spoke up. "That one was fun. We saw giant insects."

"That you did!" Caine twirled his cane. "I've improved the graphics and AI of the roaming dinosaurs so it's more immersive than ever before! The objective is the same: take photos of ever dino you see! They will be judged based on species and pose, giving you bonus points to potentially move you up a place in the ranking."

"How do we take pictures if we're driving?"

"I'm glad you asked, Pomni!" Caine snapped his fingers. Strange goggles fit over everyone's face. "Just blink, and a photo is taken! Don't worry, it only activates when the race starts. Who's ready to go back in time!?"

Nobody said anything or got up.

"Oof, tough crowd today." Caine tugged his collar. "Come on, everyone! Let's get those engines warmed up!"

The racers got up and filed out of the garage. Outside was a vast grassland than led off into a clay colored crater. Looking around they saw distant thick forests and a lake. The track didn't have as many crazy loops or jumps, as the focus was on the objective of taking photos. The racers karts were lined up at the start and ready to go, the stands were full of the cheering NPCs. Bubble waited at the start with the light.

Gangle timidly approached Caine. "There won't be any scary dinosaurs, will there?"

"I can assure you, the track is completely safe. Spared no expense on keeping the asset AI on it's set directive. Some of them will be more playful that others. This is like an interactive safari, but with dinos. It'll be fun!" Caine reassured.

Gangle nodded with a smile and went to her kart.

Kinger tried to adjust his goggles on his lopsided eyes but he could only cover one at a time. "...this is fine."

Zooble also has a hard time with their goggles fitting on their asymmetrical head. "This is stupid." She grumbled.

Jax rapped his fingers impatiently against the steering wheel. "Just take photos. How boring. The least he could do is make them try to eat us or something."

Caine could feel beads of nervous sweat on his top jaw. The disaster that was yesterday's race had clearly affected everyone's energy. Today's wasn't anything too complex or crazy. He hoped it would help his racers feel more accomplished again. Before starting his race announcements, he went to Pomni.

"I wanted to apologize." Caine removed his hat, hovering at Pomni's eye level. "You worked so hard to help me with the Fairylight Forest, only for it to go off the rails. You didn't even get to finish the race properly. You had to rely on SETH to get you across the finish line. Normally, I would commend a racer for doing so well as to trigger the new challenge, but honestly, he really isn't necessary. The tracks have been acting weird anough as it is without a new player in the mix. Maybe I have too many racers. The max has always been eight, but that was a long time ago and-"

"Easy..." Pomni said calmly. "Don't worry about the whole Fairylight thing. We tried something new and it didn't work. That doesn't mean it's your fault."

"But it does. I'm supposed to keep all of this running as smoothly as possible. Anything that goes wrong falls on me as Racemaster. Which is why I integrated the newer code in with some of more active dinos. To help salvage the experience that the Fairlyight Forest was supposed to be. I promise to make it up to you, Pomni."

"There's really nothing to make up for, but if you're offering...maybe another date?" She asked tentatively. She wasn't sure why she was still going a long with this but she wasn't sure what else to do.

"Why not?" Caine chuckled. "But something that doesn't involve tracks or karts or racing at all. Something just for you and me. Would you like that?"

Pomni searched Caine's eyes. If he held another motive, he hid it well. "Yeah...I would." Pomni smiled.

"Wonderful." Caine smiled back.

"I, uh, really like that flower you gave me."

Caine swooned. "I'd give you a thousand if I thought the game engine could handle it."

Pomni looked away shyly. "Maybe you can give me another when I win this race."

Caine brightened. "That's what I'm talking about! Go out there and win this, Pomni!" He lowered his tone. "And when you do, I'll have you swimming in roses."

Pomni ran off to her kart before her fluster got the better of her.

Caine couldn't stop smiling through his announcements. "Prepare yourselves for a race 66 million years in the making! Run with the troodons! Fly with the pterosaurs! Weave between the massive legs of the long-necked sauropods! Keep an eye out for secrets and WHATEVER YOU DO: don't get caught by the carnotaurus! RACERS! START! YOUR! ENGINES!!"

The karts came to life and the countdown began.

First light

Pomni adjusted her goggles. She heard a click and a high pitch whirr as she blinked. The camera was active.

Second light

She looked around for signs of Abel. No blue static or glitches to speak of.

Third light

One last look at Caine. He was staring again. Her heart fluttered from his attention and she resigned to it. It was getting harder to deny what she felt when he looked at her that way.

GREEN!!

Pomni's head wasn't in the game and she had a rough start but managed to keep up with the rear of the pack. They started with a wide run around a lake with dinosaurs of all sizes roaming around. It was nothing short of majestic. Caine's touch ups on the dinosaurs made them look lifelike. A massive, earth shaking dinosaur with legs the size of large tree trunks slowly meandered over the track, forcing the racers to drive underneath it. Pomni blinked at every neat dino she saw, not worrying about ranking or items. This was nice.

The grasslands became wooded, shrouding the racers but not plunging them into darkness. Gummigoo was nearly knocked off his bike in surprise when a medium sized dinosaur jumped out at him and ran along with him. The dino was thin and fast on two legs, keeping up with the karts no problem. It looked at Gummigoo, seemed to think for a moment, then moved on to another racer. It ran with Zooble then made a chirping noise. Suddenly, several of these fast dinos appeared from the trees, moving with the racers like a herded unit. They swarmed Zooble, snagging an item and disappeared as fast as they came.

Pomni got several pictures, laughing at the cute track interaction and Zooble's frustration. To add insult to injury, she got the next item before Zooble could.

~

Caine laughed. "Looks like those troublesome troodons found what they wanted! Watch your items, racers! Ragatha has the lead but we'll see for how long! Pomni is moving up and so is Gummigoo! Come on, Kinger! You can keep up! You've done this track before!"

~

Jax got an item that was relatively rare after the top hats and purple shells. A clown horn. He lifted it up in the air, surrounded by other racers. "Let's get this party started!" He squeezed the horn and it created a deafening sound that crippled the others. He sped off ahead, leaving the woods to were the track was surrounded by tall grass.

Pomni thought her ears would bleed, she was right next to Jax when he set off the horn. She claimed an item, hit a boost and rocketed after Jax. Ragatha and Gummigoo right behind her.

Kinger turned hard left, leaving the main track. However, instead of being wrangled by a bunch of bubbles, he kept going. He had found a shortcut. Gangle and Zooble followed. They weaved in between trees, following Kinger over rough wooded terrain to a clearing. The side path track circled a lone brick building. A sign out front said "visitor center".

~

"And the track secret has been found!" Caine proudly announced. "Our veteran racer has found the visitor center, who's photograph is worth the most amount of bonus points! Get those snapshots! But watch out for the residents."

~

Kinger took a photo and gave Gangle and Zooble a thumbs up. Gangle waved appreciatively but then screamed as something large jumped onto the track in front of her. She swerved around the utahraptor as it snapped it's jaws at her tires. "AAAAH KINGER!! WHY DIDN'T YOU MENTION THE RAPTORS!?"

"I forgot they were over here." Kinger shrugged. He spun out as another raptor pounced his kart, digging it's massive hook claws into the hood.

Zooble took out a popper and expertly avoided an attack. "You got the photo!? GO!!" She threw the popper and it exploded right in the middle of the small group of dinos. They screeched and dispersed, opening the track for the racers to flee.

The three zoomed off, the raptors in hot pursuit. They left the clearing and drove single file through the thick brush. Zooble was in front, she didn't know where so was going or where this side track was leading to, but she was focused on leading Gangle away from the raptors.

~

Pomni, Ragatha, Jax, and Gummigoo all aggressively vide for first as the track wound through the tall grass. As Ragatha was about to throw a shell, a roar to her right. A massive bibedal dino rushed out of the grass and charged the racers. Ragatha screamed and threw her shell at it. The shell bounced off the dino's nose with a hollow THUNK. It didn't have any effect.

Zooble, Gangle and Kinger all came bursting out onto the scene from the shortcut. The raptors long gone, but now they had a much bigger problem with a lot more teeth.

~

"There he is!" Caine excitedly announced. "The big bad carnotaurus has found our leaders and will hold back the slowest racer! Drive like your rank depends on it!" Caine double checked every POV of the track. So far, so good. No glitches. No unusual AI behavior.

Caine sighs and leans against the control panel. "Bubble, do you still feel yourself? Any more memory gaps?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, boss." Bubble hovered next to Caine, usual blank-eyed grin on their face.

"Nevermind." Caine watched the carnotaurus chase and snap at Jax. At least he seemed to be having fun. "Almost to he crater. That was Kinger's favorite, once upon a time."

"He did like driving on the walls, boss."

"Maybe I'm too hopeful, but I really need this to go well. Everyone is on edge and I'm...heh, I'm loosing my mind. I checked absolutely everything. There is no reason things should be out of place. None." Caine tapped his fingers against the control panel.

"Relax, boss. You worry too much. You're still in control."

"Yeah... I am. Everything is under control. Everything is fine." Caine watched Pomni battle Gummigoo for second as the track narrowed to the drop into the spiral down the giant crater. "But I don't FEEL fine."

~

The track down the crater walls was at a horribly steep angle. They were practically driving sideways to the bottom. Flying reptiles swooped and circled around the crater. Pomni used a shell to spin out Jax and steal first. She hit the boost and the bottom and rocketed into the underground tunnel that made the steep climb back up to the surface.

The victory of the first lap was Pomni's. She started the second lap through the grassland again, taking pictures of all the cool dinosaurs when suddenly, the sun vanished. It didn't dim or set. It just stopped existing. There was no moon, no stars, and the more natural look of the track made it hard to see. Her kart headlights illuminated as much ahead of her about as well as high powered flashlights.

"What the [%$!#]?"

~

Caine snapped. Then snapped again. Nothing changed. "I KNEW IT! I KNEW SOMETHING WAS GOING TO GO WRONG!! I AM SO SICK OF THESE GLITCHES!! Um- I can fix this. The track needs lights at the very least." He snapped and small lights lined the edge of the track so the racers could at least see what was ahead. "Okay, that still works. Bubble, I need to step away. I need to figure out where the stupid sun went. Keep the racers calm. Just let them keep going. Nothing else has changed. I think. I'll have things fixed in a moment." He teleported away.

Bubble hovered up to the POV control panel. "...that button looks tasty."

~

The racers went forward nearly blind. Large herbivores stayed on their designated paths to cross the track. Everyone was swerving last second reactions to avoid collision.

Zooble punched her radio. "CAINE!! CAINE, WHAT THE [%$!#] IS GOING ON!? WHY ARE WE DRIVING IN THE DARK!?"

"Caine isnt here right now, can I take a message?" Bubble's voice crackled through.

"WHAT!? WHY!?"

"He's chasing the sun."

~

Blue static jumped all over the track from asset to asset, infecting everything. Dinosaurs shuttered and twitched in place. The static reached out of bounds and glitches in new dinosaurs that weren't originally part of the track. They manifested and free roamed with no objective. The glitching dinos got caught in one another, forcefully fusing and horrifically mending together.

The static then zipped in-between the bounds, gliding through the shadows that hide in the non-spaces. It found Caine. He was outside the mainframe, giving the access code. Then he vanished. There was no door. No firewall. He was simply allowed to teleport in.

Abel tried to go through the white cylindrical wall, but couldn't get through. The static buzzed angrily and arced several times at the barrier around the mainframe. Abel could FEEL the lifeblood of the game coursing from this center point. The static crawled back and forth in place impatiently. Things weren't broken enough. It wasn't ready. The static reluctantly sank into the floor.

~

Caine hurriedly opened the day/night cycle code file. The game's standard time was untouched. "The problem has to be with the track." He brought up the Claypits code file and tried to open it.

Error.

He tried again.

Error.

"That- what?" He tried opening asset files under dinosaurs.

Empty.

Just like the exit door, they didn't exist. Caine paled. "All the dinosaurs have gone rouge. I have to force stop the track before someone gets hurt. Shut everything down and reset the system. That should fix it." He opened admin controls and worked as fast as possible. "Race your hearts out, everyone."

~

The racers stayed close to one another, moving in a tight pack to use each other's headlights to see where the dinosaurs were. When they reached the woods, multiple troodons came out at once. They dog piled the racers.

Pomni has one practically climb inside her kart and snap at her. She didn't have any items for the dino to steal. She swerved, trying to shake off the unwanted passenger and accidentally went off track. Bubbled didn't collect her, so she kept going.

Low hanging branches whipped by and one snagged the troodon by the neck. The dinosaur flew off the kart into the dark woods out of sight. Pomni didn't look back, she put the pedal to the floor, navigating the narrow side track as quickly as possible to get back to the others.

~

Jax kicked a troodon off his kart and ran over another. "Finally! An exciting track for a change!" He laughed loudly.

"I don't think this is supposed to be happening!!" Ragatha punched a troodon in the face, making it flop off her kart. "We were just going to take pictures!"

"And you can! Of me kicking dino [%$!#]!! Haha!! Get some!!" Jax plowed into another troodon.

Gummigoo grabbed the tail of a troodon lunging at Zooble. He whipped his bike around in a slingshot maneuver and tossed the dino back off the track. "Did anyone get a picture of that? I don't think I blinked at the right time."

Kinger saw a troodon climbing into Gangle's kart and rammed it back into the trees. "I don't remember the dinos being this aggressive."

"Caine said there wouldn't be any scary dinos!" Gangle cried.

Zooble grabbed a troodon by the throat and threw it off her kart. "Just keep going! Finish the race and all of this should stop! I'm right behind you, Gangle!"

Gangle shrank in her seat, but put the pedal down. She wanted this to be over with, but she knew the worst was yet to come in the tall grass.

~

Pomni found the clearing with the visitor center, though she could barely see the building in the deep darkness. She followed the track around the building, focusing on what was directly in front of her. As she circled around to the front, the doors to the visitor center burst open and half a dozen raptors stormed out.

Pomni drifted into the sharp turn back to the woods and hoped she was going the right way. The raptors caught up with her quickly, running alongside her speeding kart with agile precision. Pomni looked back and forth, waiting for the raptors to snap at her but they didn't. They barely registered her presence as they themselves were looking back.

Pomni looked over her shoulder and saw what the raptors were running from. A massive, glitching T-Rex was forcing it's way out of the visitor center. It destroyed the wall around the front door and stomped after the fleeing prey.

"HOLY [%$!#]!!" Pomni almost hit a tree from her hands shaking with race rush adrenaline. This was too much. Where was Caine? Why wasn't he stopping this? She looked at her red gloved hand. Before she could even remove her hand doesn't the steering wheel to snap, the familiar scream of a racing motorcycle came from behind and lit the forest up with silver fire.

The T-Rex snapped at the black racer but completely missed. The raptors parted for motorcycle, allowing him to race alongside Pomni. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Seth! What's going on!?"

"A dinosaur chase. First time?"

"LOOK AT THE [%$!#] THING!! IT'S GLITCHING!! HOW ARE YOU SO CALM!?" Pomni nearly hit Seth with how tight she took the next turn.

Seth teleported to her other side and glanced back at the pursuing T-Rex. He watched it's jaw unhinged as it roared, it's body glitched out of place and back several times. "Hm. Yeah, that's not normal." He snapped his fingers and the raptors' eyes glowed white, their bodies go black as pitch. Seth pointed his thumb back at the t-rex and the raptors' stopped running. They attacked the larger dinosaur, stopping it in it's tracks as Seth and Pomni raced ahead.

"Caine must be losing his touch to allow such a fucked up asset on the track."

"It's not the only one! All the dinos have gone crazy!"

Seth caught on to the real panic in Pomni's voice. He looked over at her for a moment. Then vanished.

"Wha-!?" Pomni was left alone again in the dark as the tress parted at the end of the shortcut. She saw the headlight of the others behind her coming into the tall grass area.

~

Seth appeared inside the announcer booth.

Bubble turned. "Hello! What can i-"

Seth smacked Bubble aside, sending them spinning through the air. He checked the POVs and saw the amalgamated dinos glitching together. It was starting to affect the track itself, forming tears in the digital reality. The bright emptiness of the void shined through.

Seth's eyes went wide and he snapped. Shadows from the in-between seeped out of the tears. He exurted his will to pull the bounds of the game back together, but he was out of practice. Each new tear made it harder to hold the track together. "Bubble! Tell that bastard to get back here before his racers fall into the void!"

"Okay!" Bubble popped, leaving Seth to struggle.

~

Pomni saw a spotlight like beam up light shoot up into he sky from the crater ahead. She could see large flying dinos circling like vultures. She was brought back to her current situation by an ear splitting roar. A carnotaurus with two heads and extra limbs at weird angles exploded from the grass, nearly clamping it's jaws around her head.

Pomni swerved away between it's legs, it's glitching foot grazing her kart and making it vibrate violently. "Ah! God! Don't let it touch you!"

No sooner had Pomni said that when Jax was whipped by one of the tails as he tried to dodge the head on the side of the dinosaur. Jax was separated from his kart as it glitched out and spun into the grass. Jax glitched erratically, his eyes flashing different colors.

Gummigoo did a u-turn with the intention of getting Jax off the ground, but Kinger got to him first. He didn't even slowdown. His floating hand grabbed Jax by the front do his tracksuit and hoisted over the back of his kart. He started to glitch but kept driving as if he was unaffected.

The large predator lunged for Gangle, who was so panicked she could hardly drive, but the dinosaur was charged by something even bigger. A spinosaurus with too many teeth and eyes grabbed the fused carnotaurus and tore it in half before the racers' very eyes. It's jaws split four ways as it roared after the fleeing pack of racers.

~

Bubble appeared outside the central pillar that held the mainframe. "Boss! Seth wants to talk to you! He says you need to get back to the track!"

"NOT NOW, BUBBLE!" Caine shouted from inside. "Almost...there!" He finished putting through the shutdown command and everything stopped.

Every racer, AI, and asset was momentarily frozen in space and time. Except one. The blue static shot up from the floor and into Bubble. "Finally." Using Bubble's teleporting pop, Abel shot himself through the disabled security wall of the mainframe.

Caine himself was suspended in frozen time with his fingers laced into the game code. Eyes intently focused, yet panicked. Abel floated near Caine's head and whispered. "You were never the god of this world. Today, I take back what is rightfully mine."

Bubble popped. Abel's static arced out in all directions, infecting the game code. The gold numbers turned blue and everything went black.

For a moment, there was nothing. True non-existence. Then the hum of a booting computer. Strings of code appeared and came together to form the game bounds. The default world and track was formed. Then the garage. Then the karts appeared one at a time in front of the start line. Then the racer avatars.

Caine was still in the mainframe. He blinked with a start and looked around. "Blue...like in the beginning. I must have done a harder reset than I thought. Maybe that's for the best. I hope everyone's okay." He teleported out.

~

Pomni gasped, feeling like she was jolted awake. She was back on the default track and didn't know how she got there. She jumped out of her kart like it was on fire. "What- what just happened!? Ragatha!? Kinger!? Anyone!?"

The other racers came to the same time Pomni did, just as clueless as to how they got back to default so suddenly. "Please stop shouting." Gangle whimpered, curled up in her kart.

Pomni grabbed her head and paced in circles, unable to breathe normally.

Caine appeared and exhaled heavily with relief. All humans were accounted for. He hovered close to ground as everyone got out of their karts and surrounded him. "I...I wish I had an explanation. I really do. The game has never done anything like this before. I was forced to reset the system. I just glad all of you are okay."

"We're not." Pomni said shortly. "Everything was trying to actually kill us this time. Jax got glitched. Gummigoo, he-....where's Gummigoo?"

"Not to worry, dear. He got reset out of bounds with the other AI and assets. I can fetch him." Caine snapped his fingers. Nothing happened. It was harder for him to hide his panic that his snap wasn't doing anything. "I'll, uh, be right back."

Caine teleported to his workshop to find empty space. Every custom track, asset, and NPC was gone. Only the basic pieces the game started with existed. He dropped his cane. "....Bubble?"

No response.

~~~

CH1 PREV NEXT

[spearsillustration]

🏛️ Senator Shockwave X Cybertronian Female Assistant Reader (Part 1/3)

Notes: Why did I ever have to learn that Shockwave had a super tragic backstory? When I was younger he was my least favorite Decepticon since I just thought he was pure evil. Practically crying after seeing what happened to him in the comics. And his line "Remember me as I was-." Was an even harder blow. 😭

This will probably end up being super long. I had half of this planned and the other kind of thrown in randomly so not my best work but I'm proud of it nonetheless. 

- I fear this might be a boring read, So I'd love some feedback after you finish reading this. - 

Part 2/3 -

Word count - 5,424

Page number - 15.2

        I was rushing to get to the senate building where I had a meeting this morning. I went to the front desk asking where I could find Shockwave. The person at the front desk gave me extremely vague directions. I just hoped I could find his office. 

        Luckily for me, I found an office that looked at least a bit useful I could probably ask for better directions. I lightly knocked on the door to politely get their attention. 

        He seemed lost in thought before looking up at the door where I stood. 

        "Oh, welcome to the senate. How can I help you?"

        "I'm sorry to bother you, I was scheduled for an interview with Shockwave for the assistant position and seed to have gotten myself lost," I said shyly from the door. I was definitely lost.

        "I'm probably in the wrong place."

        He looks up from his desk. "Ah, yes. That was today. You're in the right place."

        He stood up, moving around the desk to greet me at the door. "Please, do come in. Take a seat."

        I tried my best to shake off my nerves and smiled. "Of course thank you."

        He gestured to the seat across his desk.

        "Please, make yourself comfortable." He returns to his seat. "May I have your name first and foremost?

        "(Y/N) sir. It's nice to finally meet you in person." 

        "(Y/N), hm? Well, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance. And you said you were here for the assistant position?"

        "Correct." I kept my hand neatly folded in my lap so I wouldn't nervously fidget.

        "Right."He leaned back in his chair, seemingly studying me before nodding.

        "Now, just so you are aware, as my assistant, you would essentially be my second pair of hands. You would need to be there at my beck and call for anything I may need." He explained. "You will also need to keep track of my calendar and make sure it's up-to-date and correct at all times. Can you do that?"

        "Yes sir."

        "Very good. I should also mention, that if you *do* get this position, it will be long hours. Long hours and more than a few late nights. Do you think you can handle that?"

        "Nothing I can't handle, I'm a night owl myself so some late hours aren't a problem for me."

        He seems pleased enough. "Excellent, as a follow-up question, are you at all familiar with my work or... philosophy?"

        "Of course, I've read some of your historical studies and other works related to your late mentor. I always found it quite interesting."

        "As you should!" He leaned forward on his desk, a slight smile on his face as he spoke, clearly pleased by my answer. "I find a surprising amount of people in this city don't see the true potential of the technology we develop. Not to mention our society itself. But I can sense you're a bit more aware than the average individual."

        "I graduated from the same academy you went to. I've seen some of your work firsthand. It was one of my old professors who told me you were looking for an assistant so I quickly applied to work with you."

        He chuckled heartily at this news. "Ah, is that so? Hah, they're still teaching my work? I'd almost be flattered if that old building hadn't fallen apart even more since my time there. But, I digress, it's an interesting coincidence, of our... similar histories. Although I can't say most of my old professors had anything positive to say about me, to my face or not."

        "Yeah he can be quite stern but he seems proud of your accomplishments. He almost made my spark give out when he sent me a message telling me about you. Not very often he reaches out."

        He laughed again. "That old coot? Hah! You know, I don't think he's changed a bolt since I first met him. Always so "passionate" about progress, about expanding our minds and inventing new technology and whatnot."

        He leaned back against his chair again, taking a moment to size you up as a person.

        "And he has a soft spot for you, does he?"

        "Apparently and completely unexpected. I graduated five years ago and this is the first time I remember speaking to him besides running into him a few times. I always thought he hated me or at least my class." I laughed at the thought.

        He chuckled as well, shaking his head. "Oh, he most "definitely" thought of your class as a bunch of dunder-headed fools and idiots. I couldn’t count on my servo how many classes of his I had to sit through as he bemoaned the incompetence of his students. But something about you… must've caught his optics."

        "I suppose, but you as well it seems. He talked pretty highly of you. But he also said at least one of his students had to do something with their lives." 

        "Did he, now? Hah! I can hear it now…Well, at least at least ONE of my students will accomplish something*.”

        He imitated the professor, lowering his voice and making it harsher and gruff to replicate him. I couldn't help but laugh at his silly impression. Causing his smile to grow wider as he continues the imitation, laughing himself. 

        “Shockwave! Yes, I remember him… He was the ONE I had hopes for. He had a good brain! But now he’s a politician, so I can see it’s all gone to his head!" He continued.

        "Sounds about right. If I closed my eyes I'd think I was back in the academy."

        He chuckled, resting his arms back on his desk and watching me intently. It seemed he enjoyed my presence. 

        "He certainly did have a way with words, I'll give him that. As I said, very passionate. Very *very* passionate. Okay back on topic. So tell me, miss (Y/N), why do you want this job?"

        "I'm honestly interested in working with you. Your research is top notch and you're a politician I fully support."

        His smile widened. "Ah, a flattery, as well as a loyalist. You're a sharp one. And a quick learner, I imagine." He leaned back in his seat a bit. "Now, tell me this; if you don’t mind, what interests you about my work the most? I’m curious."

        "Your outlook on the future Is quite interesting and you seem to be one of the only researchers interested in our resources. You are aware that as our population grows we need more energon mainly. Too many people try to simply think in the present which won't help us in the long run." I accidentally ranted on. 

        He nodded, pleased with my answer. "So you understood what he was trying to accomplish...Precisely. People in this city, especially those I work with up in the Senate, are more concerned with now, or themselves more than Cybertron as a whole. In this day and age, a city of this size requires a very specific amount of energon for it to thrive. And we’ve nearly used up our planet’s natural resources." He laced his fingers together. "Something must be done to maintain that balance."

        "And I know your research is to find a solution. I'd love to assist you in that endeavor."

        He smiled at this. "It’s been a while since someone was so enthusiastic, or willing, to assist in his cause, let alone someone with a similar mindset to my own. I like you. You’ve got ambition, you’re quick, and you seem to be capable of thinking for yourself. It’s very refreshing, I’ll say that much."

        "Thank you, sir." 

        "Oh please, sir makes me feel old. Just call me Shockwave.  I have a question for you if you don’t mind."

        "Oh of course Shockwave."

        "Now, I have to ask. You’re not interested in getting into politics, are you?" He chuckled softly. "You’d either be a terrifying political opponent or an excellent addition, given what I’ve seen."

        "Oh me, I couldn't do politics. I'm a horrible public speaker. I stumble my words and get super anxious." I answered a bit too honestly.

        "A shy one? I never would’ve guessed." He seemed almost genuinely surprised. "You carry yourself well. You look like a confident person, you certainly sound it, although a bit reserved."

        "I do the best I can in professional settings."

        "Fair enough." He seemed to think for a moment, studying me, then smiled again. "Tell you what. How about I give you a week-long trial? See how you can handle yourself working alongside me, get a true taste of the position, hmm?"

        "That sounds perfect to me." 

        He smiled, nodding in agreement, and stood up. "Excellent, be here at 9 am, next Monday, sharp. No being late, first impression, and all that. I’ll clear out some space at my desk for you, you’ll be working there for the majority of the time. I’m expecting good things from you, (Y/N)."

        "Thank you so much, you won't regret your decision." I shake his hand with a smile.

        "So I shouldn’t, (Y/N)" He grips my hand firmly in a handshake, his expression stern yet pleased, before it softens again as he releases you. You best be on your way now, you know the way out. Until next Monday, it’s been a pleasure, I’m looking forward to working with you."

        "Me as well. See you Monday." I stood up and gave him a curt nod with a smile before leaving.

        I was so giddy with excitement the second the door closed behind me I had to take a deep breath to calm myself.

        Can't wait to start.

---

[Time skip to Monday]

        I made sure to leave early so I wouldn't be late. I arrived at his facility half an hour early so I walked the halls a bit anxiously waiting for the proper time to enter his office. I think five minutes early would suffice. When I stepped into his office, he looked up from his work, smiling at me.

        "Ah, (Y/N) right on time. Good, you seem to be a punctual individual, good quality to have."

        "I do the best I can Shockwave."

        "That’s what I like to hear," He set down the datapad he was going over and got up from his chair, gesturing to the small, clearly recently made space on the other side of his desk. "Come, take a seat."

        "Thank you." I walked over to my new nicely organized work space.

        He stepped out of the way as you slid into the seat, standing next to you as he gestured to your area. "Ah, I had one of the staff set that up for you last Friday. I trust it’s to your liking. If not, feel free to request a change whenever you feel necessary."

        "No It'll work perfectly for me."

        He nodded, satisfied with my response, then pointed at the datapad he had put down earlier. "Speaking of which, your primary function here will be to assist me. You’ll be taking care of my calendar, and you’ll also be a sort of…second pair of hands. Whatever I may need you to do around the office, I expect you to do it well, with minimal error, and promptly. Is that understood?

        "Completely." 

        He smiled, pleased, and sat back down in his chair. "Excellent, and remember, my work here is private, what you see or hear in this office stays in this office, understood?"

        "Of course, I figured as much with your position."

        His smile grew. "You learn quickly, good. That’s a very necessary quality to have, around here."

        He put a fresh datapad in front of me. "Now, first thing’s first. Open that, and familiarize yourself with my schedule for the day."

        "Understood," I said reading through the list. "Seems like an easy workload for today. Some paperwork to sort through, and meeting with one of your fellow senators later this evening. Which in the end would probably include more paperwork to fill out."

        Shockwave nodded, watching intently as I quickly read through his schedule. "Very good, correct on both counts. Very observant, I must say. Tell me, you read fast, don’t you?"

        "Yes sir, always have. I quite enjoy it as well."

        He smiled again, resting his chin against his fist as he studied me from behind his desk, amused by how enthusiastic I was. Eager to learn, eager to work. Exactly the kind of person he had been looking for I hoped.

        "Reading is a hobby of yours, then?"

        "Yep,"  I answered while looking at the data pad.

        He chuckled and leaned back in his Chair, "Any other hobbies you might have? You know I’m going to do a background check on you, I might as well have the whole list."

        "Reading, writing, and art are the main things I enjoy." 

        He raised an eyebrow, intrigued by that. "Reading, writing, and art, hm…? You’re a creative type, then?"

        "Yes, and it comes in quite handy for work."

        He smiled again, leaning his chin against his palm. "Oh, I imagine it does. And these aren’t just things you do during your leisure time? You put them to good use, as well? I’m almost jealous, I have a one-track mind, it’s all about politics and work."

        "Well, we all work differently." Though it was a bit disheartening to hear. He must overwork himself.

        He chuckled bitterly like I read his mind, confirming my thoughts.

        "Indeed we all do. But unfortunately, politics isn’t kind to individuals with many, diverse, interests. My mind tends to hyper-fixate on the present, on work, and my research. Sometimes I wish it weren’t that way…" He paused, thinking for a moment.

        "Say, what time was my meeting later?" He changed the subject so quickly that it almost made my head spin.

        "Oh um, five this evening." I quickly answered looking back down at the datapad.

        "Tch, 5?"  He looked at the time, a bit bothered that the meeting was later than he thought. "That’s right, why am I only just now remembering this…?"

        He mumbled, clearly annoyed with his forgetfulness. Then, turning back to me, he looked contemplative for a moment and then got to his feet. "You’re joining me for the meeting."

        "To take notes I assume?" I was a bit nervous joining a meeting room full of senators.

        "Of course, that’s one of the main purposes of your being here, I’ll need you to take notes." He said with a nod, walking over to stand next to my chair, and leaning on my desk. It seemed he noticed my nervous expression and smiled. "But you don’t need to look so frightened, you won’t be the one in the hot seat."

        Well, that eased my worry for the most part. "Shouldn't be anything I can't handle."

        "Exactly."

        He chuckled, folding his arms as he leaned over the desk. We both were so close now, and he seemed almost amused by how nervous I looked. "And even if something were to go wrong, I’ll be there. Don’t worry, I don’t throw my assistants to the wolves."

        "W-well I appreciate that."

        He quickly continued with his line of thought, still leaning up against my desk. "And if I may ask, why do you look so nervous? As far as I’m concerned, you’re not the one being scrutinized by the other senators, you’re here for my benefit. Is it the other senators that worry you?"

        "A bit, I just don't know what to expect. I'm just a bit nervous and I'm new to the job. The longer I work with you the calmer I'll be." 

        "You’re very inexperienced, yes, I’ve noticed. That’s another one of your good qualities, you’re not afraid to admit that." He smiled, tilting his head, still leaning next to me. "The others won’t scrutinize or judge you, I promise. They may question me, and be somewhat skeptical of you, but I’ll handle them, you needn’t worry."

[Timeskip To Meeting]

        Now I was walking beside Shockwave, the halls of the senate building bustling with activity around the two of us as we made our way to the meeting. It was evident Shockwave held an established presence in the halls, his gaze commanded respect and demanded attention.

        Eventually, we arrived at the meeting in question, a large room with a long table taking up most of the space. A few other senators were already present, chatting amongst themselves at their seats. A few of them looked over to Shockwave as we both entered. I stayed behind Shockwave and silently followed him to his designated spot. 

        He took his seat, right at the center of the table, with me beside him. The others were still chatting, a casual atmosphere until Shockwave clears his throat, and they fall silent. He waits until everyone is in place before speaking. "Alright, let’s get down to business."

        His booming voice was completely different from his usual tone. It silenced the room entirely as everyone else looked our way making me take a deep breath.

        He smiles as everyone quiets down, some of them glancing in my direction before turning their attention back to him entirely. He takes a moment to glance around the table, observing everyone’s expressions, and their demeanors, before speaking again. "If I may have your attention, I have a new assistant that I wish to introduce." He motions to me, and I immediately feel multiple pairs of optics and attention on me.

        My eyes widened a bit anxiously as I turned to him hoping he would do the introducing part. I'm worried my voice wouldn't hold nearly as much volume as his. 

        He chuckles softly, seemingly amused by my hesitation. He glances at me then back at the other senators, before addressing them all again. "This is (Y/N), she’ll be my assistant from now on, and a valuable asset to me."

        I note the smile he gives me while he says this, and the senators begin murmuring and whispering amongst themselves. Shockwave doesn’t object to this, instead smiling wider, clearly waiting to hear what they have to say. You also notice some of them glancing your way occasionally.

        I quickly whispered my thanks. I probably would have made a fool of myself and him if I spoke.

        He glances over at me and nods, before turning his attention back to his fellow senators, his expression slightly more serious. They had now finished their whispering, and Shockwave spoke up again, his voice returning to a somewhat stoic and serious tone. "Now, enough distractions, I believe the topic at hand was funding for the Iacon Academy. Yes?"

        As they went back and forth with their arguments I wrote down every word from the Senators, which I will say is quite difficult with all the useless bickering some decided to partake in.

        It was clear some of the senators were more interested in arguing for the sake of arguing, rather than actually getting things done. Shockwave was getting noticeably more annoyed with each word spoken in the meeting. His fists occasionally clenched, and his jaw tensed, he was growing frustrated with it all. Even still, he was a master at keeping his composure, his expression stoic, never letting anyone see him annoyed. The fact that I had noticed, was a slight testament to my perceptiveness.

        I looked up at him with a nervous smile easily noticing his annoyance and whispered to him. "I didn't realize how annoying your job must be at times."

        He glanced at me when I spoke and sighed internally. He was trying his best to maintain a professional demeanor, but they were pushing it.

        "The arguing, the bickering, is just one of many parts of the job I could go without." He whispered back, keeping eye contact with me, before returning his attention to the meeting.

        "How do you ever get anything done around here?"

        He chuckled a little at that. A rare moment of lighthearted humor in the tense atmosphere of the meeting. "A fair and understandable question to ask in this situation."

        He sighs, as the arguing only raises in volume, before tapping the table, and commanding all attention on him.

        With a stern expression and a commanding tone, he speaks. "That is enough!"

        His tone would have scared me out of my seat if it had been directed at me. All eyes turn to him in unison. Shockwave stares straight ahead with an intense, yet serious expression, waiting for one of them to argue or object. No one speaks up, and he takes this opportunity to speak again. "All this arguing among friends doesn't get us anywhere, does it? We’re all here with the same goal, to aid the best interest of Cybertron. We may have our own beliefs and personal goals, but our purpose here is to keep things running smoothly for the greater good of all."

        I wasn't always completely certain of his goals as a politician but his voice rang out with a truly hopeful and optimistic outlook for Cybertron. I was proud to be working beside him. He glanced in my direction again, for a moment, a silent gesture of reassurance. He wasn’t done speaking yet. But he was pleased to see he had made an impression. His expression and tone soon turned serious again, and he began speaking once more. "We’re all on the same side here. Let’s put this childish squabbling aside for a moment, and start getting work done."

        I looked around the table to see all the senators had a slight look of shame. Shockwave smiles, pleased to see them all quiet and a bit humiliated by his actions, and continues speaking, as he pulls up a holographic map for them all to see. "Alright, let’s get back to business." He says as he moves on to the subject of the Iacon Academy.

        It had seen better days since I last saw it. A heartbreaking sight to see such a wonderful facility going to shambles. He brings up some numbers, charts, and other data related to the academy. All concerning funds, or lack thereof.

        "This academy has stood as a beacon of learning and knowledge for generations of individuals in this city, but funding is running dry. More and more of its resources are dedicated towards its deteriorating state rather than actual education, and it's getting worse by the day."

        It was truly a shame to see. I just hoped they could all agree on a solution.

        A small discussion ensues between the others, some agreeing some arguing, and some simply keeping to themselves. It goes on for a short amount of time until one of them speaks up.

        "I say we cut funds entirely from the Iacon Academy, and dedicate those funds to something more useful." Came from one of the quiet senators on the far end of the table.

        I accidentally gasped at the suggestion louder than I'd like. So I quickly covered my mouth and looked down at my notes hoping I didn't get scolded for my disruption.

        Shockwave raised an eyebrow at this unexpected outburst and glanced over at me. Then, glaring at the one who suggested cutting all funds, he says, pointedly and sternly, "The Iacon Academy needs funding, we cannot just cut funding entirely. It's a core part of our city, and we can't simply just let it fall apart."

        Shockwave took the words right out of my mouth. Shockwave glared at the one that suggested the foolish idea. The others all began to speak up and add their own opinions, some more heated than others. It was clear it'd become a bit of an argument again, one quite different than the bickering during the start of the meeting. It was now a tense discussion of different opinions, with everyone throwing ideas into the mix. Again, Shockwave's fists clench, and his jaw goes tense again. He seems frustrated but keeps himself from reacting, for now.

        He called for the meeting to close for now so everyone could think through their decisions and come back with clear plans rather than arguing with one another.

        And just like that, the meeting was over. Most of the other senators seemed disgruntled and mildly irritated with Shockwave's decision to close the meeting in the middle of a discussion, but they didn't object.  

        He knew they'd come back later with even more to say, and even more to argue about, but it would hopefully be less heated than this meeting, and actually accomplish what it was meant to. After the others began to leave, Shockwave sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, tired from everything that had just taken place.

        "Are you alright Shockwave?" I asked kindly while making sure all my notes were together and organized properly. I know he'd like to read over them later.

        He looked over at me, surprised, and sighed. "Just tired. Frustrated with all their arguing and bickering, it happens every single time. I don't know why they bother to show up if all they do is go back and forth about things."

        "Well, that's how it always seems to be when people with positions of power get in a room together. But you seem different. You don't act like most politicians."

        He raises an eyebrow again, amused by this comment. "Oh really? And how is it you expect politicians to act, exactly?"

        "Well like most of the people arguing during the meeting. Argumentative, rude, judgemental, and completely self-centered."

        He rolls his eyes at this, nodding in agreement. "Unfortunately, that's just what it's like working with most fellow politicians, I could spend hours listing everything I find annoying about the way most of them act."

        "Then why do you do it, why deal with them? There are plenty of other things you could do to help people. And less dangerous. You're always in danger while in your position and no one can get along."

        He crossed his arms, a serious but calm expression on his face. "Because if no one like me does it, then everything will go to waste, and nothing will change for the better. Someone needs to maintain balance and make sure things run smoothly. I am quite aware of the dangers that come with the job, but I am willing to take the risk to make sure Cybertron continues to thrive."

        I could almost sigh. "You're too good for this job. I mutter to myself. An old friend of mine also told me about you before I got this job, you know him pretty well. Orion Pax, the name should sound familiar. I might have liked a bit about why I signed up for this job."

        His eyes widened and he raised an eyebrow again. "Orion? Of course, I've known him for longer than I can remember. What does he have to do with this?"

        "He's the main reason I applied for this job. He's worried about your safety. We all know you've had multiple death threats in your time working here. We'd all hate to see you get hurt."

        He raises an eyebrow at the death threats part. "Of course, he is."

        He sighs. "I appreciate his concern, but I'm not in danger. I know how to handle myself, and I'm perfectly aware of all the risks that come with the job. I knew what I was getting into when I decided to join the Senate, and I won't let a handful of death threats from scared politicians stop me."

        "Well Orion wants to make sure you're safe so..he might have asked me to try and work with you. Everything I said in our interview was true but I'm not just a simple assistant. I worked with Orion before on more important and dangerous operations."

        "You…Worked with Orion on something dangerous?" He tilts his head, looking at you with a curious yet somewhat uneasy expression. "Tell me truthfully, did Orion know you were going to mention this to me?"

        "No he wanted me to stay quiet, but I hated the idea of lying to you. I wanted you to know the truth, but my main reason for being here is to help you and make sure you're safe for Orion's sake."

        He crosses his arms, and his expression turns into a serious yet slightly displeased look. "Orion knows that I don't want to be protected or treated differently because of his concerns. And he should have told me this ahead of time. I understand his concern, but I didn't ask for him to send someone to watch over me."

        I looked down in defeat. "If you want me to leave I'd understand."

        He shakes his head and sighs. He's angry with Orion, and his expression makes that clear. "No, I don't want you to leave. I want you to do exactly what you were hired for. It's Orion who I have some… choice words for."

        "He only means well. He views you as a good friend. But times like these are unsafe for good bots like you. Well us I suppose."

        "I'm aware, he's mentioned that fact countless times before and I always tell him the same thing. There are others more valuable than me, and I can handle myself if there really is danger. And I know he means well. The concern comes from a good place and I appreciate the sentiment, truly. But sending someone to protect me, without ever asking me about it is just… a bit insulting." 

        "That's why I wanted to tell you. And the only reason Orion sent me is because he's heard word of someone planning something against you. We're not sure yet but it seems like you're in danger."

        He raised an eyebrow, listening intently. "Heard of something? From who? Do you know anything concrete about these threats?"

        "From what I know it's possible some of the other senators want to take you out. But that's all I know for sure. I wish I could tell you more."

        He closes his eyes and puts a hand to his chin, in a thinking pose. "They want to take me out? That's certainly an interesting development… and probably not all that surprising, a good portion of the senators don't like me one bit." He sighs and turns back to me, his expression more serious now and his tone matching it. "So you're here to what? Look out for me?"

        "In simple terms, yes."

        He looks me up and down, considering the situation. He's still somewhat unhappy about this arrangement, but he's not exactly opposed to it either. "I don't need anyone's protection, no matter what Orion says. But I respect the honesty you've shown...Alright, I accept your presence. But don't expect me to be any more careful than usual."

        "I accept those terms. I'll still only function as your assistant unless you're in danger. My goal isn't to be an overgrown babysitter. I'm only here when needed."

        He nods, and his expression softens again. "That's all I ask. As long as you still function as my assistant. I'm still not happy with Orion, I'll need to speak with him later."

[shunin-gumis]

Nagi Birthday(2024) SSR Story

Best Wishes Snap

Happy Happy Day! (1st part)

The Yellow and white marker is Toi, Red is Ryui, Beige over black is Yodaka, Neon Pink is Netaro, and the All-black is (probably?) oshisha-sama (iykyk)

Messages Toi: Happy Birthday Nagi-kun! We love you 💖 Ryui: Happy B Day, show some energy. 🐙 Netaro: Birthday Boy 🌟🌟🌟 Yodaka: All happiness on your birthday ✨ Oshisha: My pet ➡️ Fun fact the rat ears doodled on Nagi is in reference to his radio persona named 'Nure Nezumi' meaning Drowned Rat!

Nagi: Haa.....

Boy: Mama, that man on the swing set has been staring at the ground for so long now.

Mother of the boy: It's not good to stare, we should leave him alone.

Nagi: I couldn't tell anyone it was my birthday today in the end.

Nagi: The "Random Present System"... I wonder if I was counted in it too.

Nagi: I'm sure the person who was selected to gift me a present has been decided, but no one actually knows it's my birthday today.... Besides, it must have been a hassle to get me something when the system was only just implemented....

Nagi: ...... Well, I guess it's fine even if my birthday isn't celebrated.

Nagi: Sonia sent me off with a smile and told me to enjoy the party, so I can't just go back to the shop now. I'll just return to Hama House, take a nice hot bath and sleep.

Nagi: I'm ba...ck?

Ryui: Finally! Where the hell were you off to all this time? You're late!

Nagi: Huh? Um, I'm... sorry?

Momiji: Welcome back, Nagi-kun.

Yodaka: We were just about to set off to find you.

Yodaka: It wouldn't do for the birthday boy to be absent for his own party, now would it?

Nagi: But I thought no one knew my birthday...

Netaro: What a silly goose you are Gii~ Surely you must remember the fact that you had to note down your birthday on your profile.

Momiji: It was in the company's documents too.

Nagi: Ah... you're right.

Toi: Ushio-kun prepared the cake -"Blooming Happiness ⭐ Full Bloom Flower Cake"! The flowers on top of the icing are all edible, isn't that amazing?

Nagi: Not just that, the entire table is packed with all kinds of food...

Nagi: You prepared all this... for me...?

Momiji: Nagi-kun, I've prepared a ton of vases so I can receive as many flowers as you want to give me later, so enjoy tonight as much as you want!

Nagi: ....!!

Everyone at Hama Tours: Happy Birthday!!

Renga: As fellow team leaders... let's do our best to get along and hype up HAMA.

Renga: This pink rose is my birthday gift for you.

Renga: It's thanks to your advice that my roses grew so beautifully, so you can have this one.

Nagi: ....hic.....

Renga: ...Wait, huh!? Are you crying!?

Ten: Ah... look at those tears. Renga-san, how could you do that to him....

Renga: Is this my fault!?

Renga: It's not like it's something specia- I mean, I did put a lot of thought into it, but!

Renga: O-Oi, stop crying already...!

Nagi: ....hic, I've never seen such a beautiful rose before. It's the most beautiful one in the world, no, in this entire galaxy!

Renga: I-Is that so...!

Muneuji: Hachinoya-san, please accept this watering can from me. I hope you can make use of it at your store. I wish for 'Flower Laundry' to continue to flourish and prosper.

Nagi: I-I promise to make my store one that everyone loves for the next 1000 years.

Liguang: ... He keeps crying every time someone greets him.

Ryui: He's a pain...

Nagi: Liguang-san, and Ryui... Even the two of you prepared a present for me?

Liguang: That's right. Grease and cloth included, I've prepared a maintenance tool set that you can use on your beloved bike.

Nagi: Thank you very much....

Ryui: This is a little something to ward of bad luck.

Nagi: Band-aids? It's even got a nice design...

Ryui: It's because you keep getting hurt all the time and getting Toi all worried. And stop bawling so much it's gross.

Nagi: ... Thank you for getting someone like me a gift. It's the first time my birthday's been celebrated like this...

Chihiro: Oh em gee, isn't Nagipeko crying a lil too much tho? You'll shrivel up at this rate!

Nagi: It'll be ok if I drink water right after letting it out.

Raito: Haha, guess I should prepare a pitcher for you in that case.

Nagi: I would really appreciate that.

Nagi: I want to give back all this gratitude I'm feeling. So that all of you can smile just like I am-

Nagi: I'll do a stand-up comedy right now.

Momiji: Eh, all of a sudden?

Tao: That's not what I was expecting from that speech!

Nagi: Even if you feel like cringing, please don't look away. I'd like you to accept my honest feelings of gratitude.

Momiji: Huh, wait, Nagi-kun...!

Nagi: Presenting my short skit, "How I surprised myself on my own Birthday."

Part 2

[imagine-silk]

May I request something with Nick? Like, Sole was a detective who worked with the Nick who Nick was based off of? So Nick would definitely be surprised to see Sole. I could kinda see that perhaps this could cause a bit of inner conflict with Nick too. Thank you for considering my request, hun!

》I need to learn how to make dividers. If any of you know how to make them let me know. (oh my god I never knew I liked to be called 'hun' (⸝⸝⸝╸▵╺⸝⸝⸝))

Nick back then was different for obvious reasons. The war was still going on but it was still not a lost cause, and he didn't encounter it day to day by force but by choice. He was married to Jenny, the girl of his dreams that he always thought was out of his league. His identity was unquestioned and never in doubt and he never had a problem with his body. He was happy with his life.

You had a huge influence on him. When he met you he was just barely out of his cop uniform and getting used to wearing what he wanted. You were the one he was assigned to to learn the ropes. Something you weren't very happy about in the beginning but you were never mad at him, he wasn't the one to make the call. So you showed him what you did and taught him what you knew at the time.

From the start he wanted to make a good impression and was very eager to please. It took a second for him to calm it down. He still admired you. After his tutelage was done neither of you asked for a change. It was silently agreed you were partners, no talk needed.

You were there when he scanned his brain. It was for college students and their studies. You told him it was strange and to think twice about it but he laughed and said it was for science. That's the last memory he had when he woke up in the trash.

While he was adjusting he stumbled a lot. Then when he was welcomed into Diamond city and given his agency he tried to take hold of his life. The way he did was to pretend like he was you, to do what you would do, to take authority and be the one in charge. Over the years he changed. After a lot of reflection he realized you wouldn't have wanted that, you didn't want him to be you. You would want him to be the best version of himself. So he strive to be the person you saw in him.

Time stopped for him when you saved him in the vault. He felt so many different things. And he saw your confusion. You were under the impression he survived like you did, because no one told you he was a synth. Neither of you remember who said you should get moving but one of you did.

At the agency you asked your companion to wait outside for this reunion. "Nicki." A nickname you always called him by fondly. "You do remember me, right?"

What was he supposed to do, lie to you? But that was the problem. How much of him was a lie? He tried to explain but that made him think in circle. He did remember you but he wasn't yours, he wasn't who you remembered. He wasn't Nick. But he did know you. He still wanted to please you. He wanted you to see what he made of himself and tell him he did good. But you weren't his to claim because he wasn't Nick. But he was. He was Nick and there was no running away from that.

You hushed him, "It's okay. If you want to go back to us we'll do that. If you want me to be a stranger we can do that. I'll go at your pace. No matter if you're my Nick or your own. And if you never want to see or speak to me again I'll leave after we find Shaun." Again you put the ball in his court, just like he remembered. And he knew whatever he said you would pick the ball up and play the game with his rules.

"I'm not him. I'm not. But I want to be with you again." It was all so much. He knew you but you didn't know him. Somehow you knew exactly what he meant; I want you to know the me now.

He never really thought about how much he missed you in the last couple of years but now that you were here it was kind of embarrassing. You hired him to help you but he still looked up to you. It felt like he was hired help instead of a private eye. Every step of the way you smiled and told him he was doing a good job.

Throughout your time together you bond. It's different but familiar, it's built on what you had and became what was new.

He actually held Shaun once. He actually held him several times but he only remembered the first. This was personal for him too. The child of his best friend.

He was so confused when you came back through the telepad without Shaun. He followed you when you stormed away to your house and saw your break down. "I lost everything. Every fucking thing! My world, my wife, my partner, and now my son. What am I here for? Who do I need to kill-" You stopped when you saw his face and realized what you said. "That's not what I meant. Nicki. Nick!" You called out but he was out the door.

There he was hiding in his office like he did after your first fight on the job. But that was the problem wasn't it, he wasn't the one you upset at the time. Of course you knew he was hiding there and showed up. He didn't stop you when you sat down next to him. "Do you remember-"

"I probably do." It was bitter and pointed but you continued.

"Not like that. Yesterday I said 'tomorrow this will all be over'. And you said?"

"'It's not over until the fat lady sings'."

You chuckled, smiled, like nothing was wrong. You were so good at that. "That was the first time I'd ever heard that. You, Nick, never said that. It surprised me. What a weird saying. You're not Nick, I know that. I lost him. But I have you."

You'd just found out you lost everything from before the war and here he was being selfish, having the gall to need reassurance from you. The sweet thing was he knew you would tell him that was a stupid thought and you'd always have time for him no matter how silly. "You do have me." Like that he tilted and put his head on your shoulder.

[matthewswifeyx]

Welcome home <3

Baby Conner was ready to come home. The doctor gave us the all clear when all the baby examinations were all okay. I still didn't really have enough strength and energy to walk out of the hospital by my own yet, so I was pushed on a wheelchair and Matt was carrying the baby in his carseat. In my condition I still found Matt the most attractive person ever, even doing the bare minimum by carrying our baby out of the hospital. He was effortlessly very sexy. He wore a backwards hat that did not help my thoughts. I should not be thinking these things after just giving birth but I couldn't help myself.

Anyway we reached the car and said our goodbyes to the midwife that has helped us through this whole process. I went over the backseat to help Matt buckle up our newborn. It took us a while to figure it out but we got there in the end. I went to go sit down in the passenger seat and Matt followed me to my side.

"Matt what are you doing?" I laughed. he reached for the seatbelt and buckled me up as well.

"Got to take care of both of my babies." I blushed.

The car journey back home was lovely and peaceful. The baby stayed asleep most of the ride, with a few babbles and coos here and there. Me and Matt found it adorable, I could get used to that. When we arrived Matt helped me out of the car and I went around to the back to help him with the baby.

Matt held the carseat in one hand and my palm in his other. We walked to the front door all together. Matt unlocked the door and we walked inside. The smell of fresh candles filled my nostrils. There was banners and balloons everywhere. Then we spotted Nick and Chris.

"Welcome home guys!" Nick said.

"Thank you so much guys! This is lovely!"

"It's the least we could do. You gave us a-. What is it?"

"A boy." Matt clarified.

"Well, you gave a nephew to spoil and cherish." Chris smiled.

"That's sweet Chris."

"And now I found out we are having a nephew. Matt, Nick pay up!" Chris announced excitedly.

"You guys seriously had a bet on what the gender was?" I wasn't surprised to be honest.

Me and Matt settled nicely in our home, quietly chatting with Nick and Chris, we didn't want to disturb the baby. Me and Matt could tell that they were both desperate for a hold. We told them to give Conner a tiny 10 minute nap then it would be cuddle time.

"This nap feels like forever."

"I think he has had enough beauty rest." Matt announced and went to take him out of his carseat.

"I call on holding him first!"

"You motherfucker."

"Hey! Watch ya language around the baby."

"Oh look at Matt getting all protective!" Nick held his hands up.

"I don't know what has gotten into him over these couple of hours." I chuckled.

Matt lowered Conner into Chris' arms and Chris was frozen in complete awe. Who knew that Chris had a soft spot for babies. Everyone was fascinated with Chris reaction, but we didn't expect him to cry. Small sniffles escaped Chris' mouth.

"Chris man it's okay to cry."

"I know. It's just so amazing and how this baby is going to be so loved."

Chris kept the baby in his arms for a few more minutes until Nick grew very impatient.

"Come on now Chris you're pushing your luck. My nephew wants to meet his favourite uncle."

"Fuck you." Matt shot a stern look at Chris. Which cause Chris to giggle a little bit.

"Calm down daddy." Which made Matt break his act and fall into a fit of giggles. Chris gave Conner over to Nick, at first Chris forgot to support the baby's head while passing him over to Nick. That made me and Matt panic a little.

"Dude be careful, it's not Trevor."

"Sorry."

Conner was nicely settled in Nick's arms and Nick rocked him slowly.

"Hi Conner, I'm Uncle Nick we are going to have so much fun together with Uncle Chris and Uncle Nathan. You are so loved and we are going to spoil you rotten! Feel free to come over and bitch about your parents anytime. I get it, they can be annoying. And hey, we could be quite similar. I mean the oldest, if so you would already be the best sibling." Nick lowered his head and gave Conner a quick kiss on his forehead.

"That was super sweet Nick."

"Especially coming from you."

"Hey, this is a 'once in a blue moon' event so appreciate it!" Nick joked. "Have you told the fans yet?"

"Not yet, they are the least of my worries at this point."

"Are you going to tell them?"

"Of course we will. But just not now, we want to settle before we say anything." Nick and Chris nodded in agreement.

"I guess we should get going and let the parents settle in!"

We said our goodbye's to Chris and Nick and saw them leave. When they left, me and Matt went back into the living room. Conner had woken up from another small nap.

"Hey buddy." Matt greeted. Matt picked up Conner from his carseat and cradled him. "Should we give him a tour of the house?"

"Of course."

Matt went back to the front door and made sure that Conner stayed awake for this live representation.

"Okay buddy, this is our entrance where we take off our shoes and then we go through the the living room. This is where me and you can make forts, play games and watch movies. No girls aloud except for Mommy." I laughed at that comment. "Then in this tiny room here is were we can play with your awesome toys and we can have teddy bear picnics and play fight." Matt out of the playroom to the kitchen. "This is the kitchen, where Mommy makes the best delicious meals, I would prefer her cooking over a restaurant's anyday! This could also be where we can flip pancakes and celebrate your birthday's!"

Matt's ideas were so creative and how he could come up with scenarios on the spot and bring them to life immediately. It was like he had rehearsed this.

"Then if we look behind us, there is our dinner table! Where we can have great family dinners and maybe even food fights?" Matt looked over to me on that last comment.

"As long as you clean up." I laugh.

"Then we make a trip upstairs to me and Mommy's bedroom. This can be a space to snuggle with us before bed or creep into our bed if you had a nightmare. It will always be an open space for you. Just don't try and come in when the door is locked, or if it's Valentines day." He winked at me, kissed Conner's head and moved onto the next room. "Now this is your nursery, Mommy has spent a lot of time designing this for you so we hope you like it! This rocking chair is where Mommy can sit here and read you stories and so can I! We can also sing you lullabies if you have trouble falling asleep. Now this is our bathroom where you can have relaxing baths and play with your toys and have some fun water time! Then this last room is empty for maybe a future brother or sister. Or it could be your room if you would like it?"

Conner was wide awake taking in any detail Matt had made note of, like Conner could understand him. Conner's bright blue eyes were wide and he kicked his legs in excitement.

"Welcome home buddy, we love you so much and we know and you know it!"

Hey guys I hope you really enjoyed this fanfic! If you have any suggestions of requests send me a message and I will try and get back to you asap! <3

[joeys-babe]

Joey B Imagines: Who’s That Girl With Him?

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summary: when you find out that joe might not be where he told you he was going, you and your best friend drive around cincinnati in hopes of finding out the truth.

warnings: none, angst, cussing

pairing: joe burrow x reader

imagine universe: into the mystic

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(y/n’s pov)

"hey baby, i'm gonna go workout with ja'marr okay? i love you." - joe whispered and kissed your cheek

before i could even ask any follow up questions, joe had left the room.

when i opened my eyes the clock said 8:30. the twins hadn't waken up yet so i went back to bed.

it was a few hours later when i did wake up. it was to the doorbell ringing.

i was decent enough so i just walked straight downstairs.

when i opened the door it was alexa.

"girl, why are you here?" - you

"felt like coming over. why do you look you just rolled outta bed?" - alexa

"because i did." - you

"really? i'm surprised you aren't on your third round of the morning with joe yet." - alexa walked in the house

"alexa! you’re disgusting! i just gave birth four weeks ago, and joe’s not even here!" - you

"what why?" - alexa followed you upstairs

"he's working out with ja'marr?" - you

"ja'marr's home.." - alexa

"wait what?" - you

we had just walked upstairs and i stopped dead in my tracks, turning and facing alexa.

"are you sure that's what he told you?" - alexa

"yes! he told me this morning he was going out with ja'marr." - you

"uhm…" - alexa

"where is he?! oh my god, where is joe?" - you started panicking

"y/n calm down, i'm sure he's fine!" - alexa

"who's he with?! alexa why did he lie?" - you

"he's probably at the facility y/n, maybe he was supposed to workout with ja'marr but then j canceled.." - alexa

"we're gonna go find him." - you

"what do you mean??" - alexa

"we are gonna go driving around cincinnati until we find him." - you

"don't you guys have a tracker on each other? just check that." - alexa

i pulled the app up and it said joe had his location off.

"his- his locations off.." - you

"okay now i'm mad, we’re gonna go find him. i’m gonna call gracie and evan to come watch your twins." - alexa

"okay, i'm gonna hurry up and get ready.." - you

i threw some clothes on before brushing my teeth and hair.

only one of the twins was awake so i was feeding tyson while alexa and i sat on the couch waiting for gracie and evan.

"what do you think he's doing?" - you

"joe’s not a bad person. i don't think he's doing anything you wouldn't agree with." - alexa

"but why wouldn't he tell me the truth about where he was?" - you

"have you tried calling or texting?" - alexa

"no.." - you

"when did he tell you he was gonna leave to work out?" - alexa

"he told me this morning at 8:30." - you

"well it's 11.." - alexa

"i know, im freaking out alexa. what if he's cheating on me?" - you

"y/n.. calm down. call him." - alexa

i sat tyson's bottle down before pulling my phone out of my pocket and clicking the call button on joe’s contact.

it only rang twice and said the call was declined.

joey❤️ - busy rn

"alexa, im really nervous." - you

no knock or doorbell ring, just gracie barging in with evan following.

"hand the baby over, go find him." - gracie

i jumped up and handed tyson over to gracie.

"thank you guys so much." - you

"you're welcome, and y/n you should calm down a little, you know joe. he wouldn't do anything to harm you." - evan

i nodded before alexa pushed me out the door.

we hopped in her car and went straight to the facility first.

zac was standing at the front desk talking to the receptionist.

"zac? is joe here?" - you

"oh, hey kid! no joe hasn't been here at all today, why?" - zac

"nothing important. thank you for your help. see ya taylor!!" - you

"bye y/n!" - zac called out as you ran back outside

i sat back down in the passenger seat and alexa drove off.

"he hasn't been to the facility at all today, zac said." - you

"okay, text every player joe is close to and ask if he's with them." - alexa

i did exactly what she said. texted sam hubbard, tee higgins, tyler boyd.. literally half the roster.

all of them said no.

"alexa i'm gonna throw up, i think he's cheating on me." - you

"girl, you don't know that." - alexa

we drove around cincinnati for literally an hour, going to all of joes favorite restaurants and places.

i even tried checking his tagged posts on instagram, hoping that maybe a fan met him and posted it. maybe giving me a location hint but there was no new pictures.

"let's get some lunch, i dont’t think we’re gonna find him." - alexa

"i can't even think about eating." - you

"you don't have to okay, but i'm hungry and there's this really good açaí bowl cafe place around here." - alexa

i rolled my eyes as alexa put the cafe in the gps.

on our ten minute drive to the place my mind started to wander to the worst possible outcomes.

is joe cheating on me? is the life we built together gonna be thrown away and be discarded? i can't live without him.

we had arrived to alexa's place of choice and the inside was actually really cute.

it was a corner cafe with windows looking out onto the busy city street.

"i'll have the açaí bowl and a sweat tea." - alexa

"okay.. anything for you?" - waiter

"oh.. no thank you." - you

"are you sure?" - waiter

"yes." - you

"okay suit yourself." -  waiter

the waiter walked away and alexa started a conversation, but i wasn't engaged in it.

i just stared out the windows at the people walking past.

there was this really tall guy and shorter girl with blonde hair, they both had coffee in their hands.

they were smiling at something on the girls phone and when the guy lifted his head my heart stopped.

it was joe.

"alexa! look outside right now! it's joe!" - you

alexa's neck popped because of how fast she whipped her head around.

"who's that girl he's with? do you know her? she doesn’t look familiar." - alexa 

"no.." - your heart shattered

"we're leaving right now, i'm gonna beat the shit out of him." - alexa

joe and the girl continued walking down the street.

"no don't, can we follow them? i want to know what they are doing." - you

(joes pov)

"okay i know you said that the first house i showed you was perfect but here's another one.." - evelyn showed joe a house on her phone

"oh that's gorgeous, my wife y/n would love that." - joe smiled

"your wife has excellent taste mr. burrow." - evelyn

"yes, excellent and expensive." - joe laughed

"oh she's a girl, expensive is what we like!" - evelyn laughed

"i better get home to her before she gets nervous about where i am." - joe

"that's another common girl trait!" - evelyn laughed

"here i'll walk you to your car, downtown cincinnati is sketchy to walk around alone." - joe

"you bought me coffee and are walking to my car? they don't make gentleman like you that much anymore. your y/n is very lucky." - evelyn

we started waking down the sidewalk again and i realized we had passed a cafe that y/n had always wanted to go to. i made a mental note to take her to a breakfast date there.

(y/n's pov)

alexa and i were following joe and the girl down the sidewalk a long ways behind them.

they weren't really talking or anything, just walking and sipping their coffee.

we followed them all the way to a parking garage and the girl unlocked her car.

her and joe had a brief hug before sharing a few words and then she got in her car.

joe than walked further down the lot to his porche and alexa and i ran off to where we had parked her car before going to the cafe a few levels up.

(joes pov)

i walked evelyn to her car and before she opened her door we shared a brief hug.

"okay so which house do you think you’re going with?" - evelyn

"i think number one.." - joe grinned

"i'm sure your wife will love it! i'm gonna go out on a limb and guess you won’t need time to get a loan?" - evelyn

"no, i can go ahead and make a down payment if that’s okay?" - joe

"that’s great. the next time i see you will be the official tour of the house so y/n and your kids can see it. that's also the day you'll walk away with the keys!" - evelyn

"i'm so excited, thank you so much." - joe

"oh it's just my job as a realtor, no need to thank me." - evelyn

"i'm glad i chose you as our realtor, i think you have similar taste to y/n so it makes it easier for me." - joe chuckled

"yeah, i'm excited to meet her. bye." - evelyn

"bye!" - joe

(y/n's pov)

we were a couple cars behind joe but we quickly realized he was just going back home.

alexa had to stop for gas, so here we were alexa was out of the car pumping gas as i was sitting in the car sobbing.

joe was with another woman, and lied about where he was at. he's a fucking cheater.

when we got home i jumped out of the car and ran in the house.

joe was in the kitchen talking to evan who was sitting at the bar.

gracie was sitting on the couch, no babies in sight.

"hey baby, where'd you go?" - joe

i looked at him for a second and something in me snapped.

i started running towards joe.

"don't!-" - gracie

i grabbed the iced coffee out of his hand, taking the lid off and throwing it in his face.

"what the fuck?!" - joe

"y/n-" - evan

joe wiped the coffee out of his eyes before looking at me with the most confused look on his face.

"don't look so confused joe! you're cheating on me!" - you

"what?! no i'm not!" - joe

"don't lie! alexa and i just saw you with a girl. you guys got coffee, you walked her to her car, you guys hugged!" - you started crying

"y/n it wasn't what it looked like!" - joe

"than what was it joe?!" - you

joe opened his mouth but i cut him off before he could make a sound.

"you know what, i don't want to know. i thought you were my soulmate joe! we have kids together! what was i to you?!" - you

"y/n listen.." - joe

"no, i’m not going to listen! i'm done joe, im leaving you! we are over!” - you

"she was my realtor y/n! i just put a down payment on a fucking house for us!" - joe

"oh damn." - alexa

"wait what.. you're not cheating on me?" - you

"no! why would i ever do that?" - joe

"wait you bought a house?!" - you

"yes. for the love of god i didn't cheat on you, id never do that. she was helping me with picking a house because i wanted to surprise you" - joe sighed

"oh my god.. i'm so sorry.." - you

"it- it's whatever.." - joe

"i threw coffee all over you.." - you

"i'm gonna go change.." - joe

he pushed past me and walked up the stairs.

"i tried to tell you.." - gracie

"i feel like shit. i can't believe i did that. or even thought joe would cheat on me." - you

"its okay y/n. i don't really think joes upset with you." - evan

"i threw coffee in his face." - you shook your head, not able to believe you just did that

"you should go talk to him privately.." - alexa

i nodded and walked upstairs, joe was in our bedroom slipping a new shirt on.

"joe.." - you

"mhm?" - joe

"im so so sorry. i can't believe i thought you'd do such a thing." - you

"it's alright. i understand why you thought that, i know it looked pretty sketch from your pov." - joe

"i overreacted big time." - you

"nah you're all good. do you want to see the house?" - joe smiled

"yes!" - you

joe pulled out his phone and sat down on the bed, patting the spot next to him signaling for me to sit there.

i did and he started showing me pictures of the house, it was absolutely beautiful.

"joe, it's huge.." - you

"i know, we have a big family and a growing family of our own so we'll need the room." - joe

"is that you trying to tell me you want another baby?" - you

"i don't know, maybe. not right now, but definitely soon." - joe

"we'll see." - you

"okay." - joe smiled

"baby listen, i'm actually so sorry about everything. i promise i'll never throw coffee in your face again." - you

"you're fine y/n, but i do appreciate that promise." - joe chuckled

"i love you, more than anything." - you

"i love you too. i hope we fill all 5 rooms of that house with babies." - joe

"slow down there babe. i just had twins less than two months ago." - you

"i'm just kidding... maybe." - joe

"oh what am i gonna do with you?" - you

"i have an idea." - joe smirked

he tossed his phone on the bed behind us and leaned forward, placing his lips on mine.

he pulled me closer and closer until i was sitting in his lap and the kiss was more intimate.

we still haven't gone farther than making out, or me helping joe because i'm still fragile from giving birth not to long ago.

but nothing is better than kissing joe, it felt like fireworks going off throughout your body.

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authors note: some angst for your sunday 🤍

hope you enjoyed! ❤️