#perhaps we'd get along if we were to meet in person? if that were even possible i pray it be enjoyable~!

[sl33py-g4m3r]

personal musings of mine own

It appears I have once again stumbled back here; rather than researching the relic that I was. Glad to see this still exists.

Please forgive me once more for reading what is essentially a deeply personal diary.....

Pacifism? You best hope that the gauntlet not shine for you then, dear maiden. Perhaps that intellect of yours would be of more use to the monastery in that case, than being a samurai.

that mind of yours is astonishing! You must henceforth waste it not!

Put that intellect to use far more than mere anxieties or worry; tis henceforth easier said than done however...

Unfortunate as it is; violence might always be, my dear. We need samurai to protect the kingdom from demons.... Pacifism is simply not a possibility...

If the gauntlet were to shine, would you be up to the task? You could negotiate with demons, have them join your cause... However; not everyone will be open to communication in that manner. Fighting is required, lest you end up drowning in a pool of your own blood at the hands of the demons of naraku.

Healing magic perhaps? but then you'd still be commanding your demons to attack in your stead... status them? Just be a healing unit for others?

be you far too good natured to ever hope to be a samurai, .... I truly could see you researching in the monastery with myself...

In which begs the alignment question; if you ponder it still.... Law, solid Law it appears to me... I could henceforth be mistaken, however; reading the writings here makes me think, Law rings true.

....? Or perhaps nary.... this talk of "games and fiction"...... are you a devotee of Tokyo's "literature"? Hath thee fallen to the prey of demons in thine own time? thine own world?

I pray that you; mysterious maiden, are not sullied by Tokyo's "literature"..... Thine soul be stained with such filth, of which had turned many people from Kichijorgi into demons.... I pray that none of you in this time fall to the filth of "literature". Or if you can, destroy it and be purified by fire once more.

Learning from doing over merely being an observer. Many more benefits of doing, and failing, than merely thinking and doing nothing. Do you have a COMP? Or do no demons appear where you reside? Quite lucky in that case you are...

Face your fears head on with determination to get through! Even if you must meet Charon repeatedly. Or if you fail, failure isn't the end. Stand. Grit your teeth. "Can't let it end like this!" and continue on. As the brave Blessed Samurai you wish to be. Perhaps not physically, as you seem to be nowhere near Mikado; but in spirit you would make a magnificent Samurai.

Pacifism would be quite hard for a Samurai.... Unless perhaps being a medic as I'd stated above.

Unless you do the reverse of Mr, K. Becoming hardened and uncaring of violence and slaughter, as long as it's demons and not your fellows. I know not your resolve or strength in Pacifism, it reads that your mind is set however.

A monastery job, or being a medic should the gauntlet shine for you. Alas~! I still have not found any means of sending you a uniform as of this time... I believe you have expressed your liking for them at one point? I have one set but it's the standard and may be too large.... now onto the delivery problem.....

you have such a lovely head on your shoulders; you mustn't waste it~~! trapped in a labyrinth of a mind wrapped within anxieties and fear... I pray you find the strength to overcome this struggle~! Much like our own dear Blessed Samurai of Mikado.

I need not procrastinate further; back to the task at hand, if you fellows have some task at hand, lets complete it posthaste~!

may god be with ye! I pray you are well~! until we next meet.... Blessed samurai...

[chronurgy]

I made a post earlier talking about three directions I thought wyll's quest might take in at the end of act 1/early act 2 and I wanted to elaborate on it a little bit. The three directions I considered were a focus on monster hunting and what that meant, a focus on his disdain for politics, and a focus on his relationship with his father. I didn't particularly consider any one more likely than the other, they all just sort of arose out of what I saw as "points of tension" in wyll's character. I'm also not trying to say that these are the only options or the best options, I'm just laying out what I personally thought might happen and how it was going to work.

Focusing on the monster hunter thing - was karlach the first innocent person he had been sent to hunt? What does it mean to be a monster hunter in a world where many monsters have human intelligence? Especially because of what happened with Karlach, I thought this might become a throughline in his quest and tie further into the ways devils twist words and contracts to use and manipulate people. What they call a "bloodthirsty rampaging monster" might have understandable reasons for attacking a village that had, say, stolen its eggs to sell as spell ingredients. Or even if they didn't have such a sympathetic reason, it's absolutely possible that they could be reasoned with and asked to stop. With wyll's already existing sympathy for karlach and astarion, I thought that creating sympathy for less human looking "monsters" might be the next step.

I actually still think this would have been a pretty interesting questline. His act two quest could have centered around a monster he'd been sent to kill at the edge of the shadow-cursed lands, returning to that area and meeting there a mate, sibling, or child that had possibly changed its ways (great durge parallel here!). There could be a lot of questions about whether or not someone can change their nature, about what redemption means, about who is afforded second chances, all of that. I think by nature Wyll would lean towards letting them live, but a player character could push him down a darker path (a la Shadowheart). This would also feed well into Wyll making choices about his pact with mizora - if he kills the mate or sibling, leaning into the monster hunter and no hope of redemption thing then he would choose to keep his pact, saying that it gives him the power to protect people from monsters while perhaps also believing that there's no way for him to be saved, but if he chooses to let them live and broadens his mind and understanding he would choose to break his pact with mizora, citing the fact that she's lied to him repeatedly and how he doesn't want to bring more harm on innocents.

Focusing on the politics thing - wyll's comment about how "a Duke shakes hands with more monsters than he slays" is really fascinating because Duke is a political job and the "monsters" he's talking about are people. He was the son of a grand duke and was intended to follow in his footsteps, but this is the view he has of politics? That's kinda wild to me! I assumed we'd get some sort of politically involved quest once we got to the city where Wyll would have to get over his distaste for politics and challenge his view of other people as monsters and overall examine what it means to run a city or something along those lines.

Like I said, I assumed any quest line would focus on a situation where Wyll would either overcome his distaste for politics and learn to appreciate the difficulties of running a city when your opponents are people you can't just kill when they get in your way or have a "bad end" where he decided that he didn't care and was happy to use force on political opponents. (interestingly I think you can see some potential remnants of this in his speech about becoming grand duke where he says something along the lines of "no one could stand against him")

Focusing on his father - I felt like there was obviously a lot going on in that relationship and that it had to come back up! Wyll acted so sanguine and understanding about the whole banishment thing even though it seemed obvious (to me at least) that he was deeply hurt by it and in denial about it. I thought for sure that would come to a confrontation where Wyll would accept that he was actually hurt by this and that his father had done him wrong. This was further reinforced through act 1 and 2 by the repeated references to how terrible the flaming fist were and how they weren't what they used to be. Since Ulder was their commamder, I assumed that this was also meant to be a reflection on him and that he wasn't the perfect and heroic man Wyll idealized him as. Act 3 actually reinforced this for me with its constant examples of just how corrupt and incompetent the fist were. I really thought we were going to see some emotional payoff and reckoning here right up until we actually rescued ulder and it didn't happen.

I wasn't really sure what form this quest would take but I was very convinced it would happen. Like I said, all the comments about the fist in acts 1 and 2 had me convinced! There's so clearly tension there, with ulder having been unwilling to show any sense of understanding to his 17 year old son. I assumed that the quest might involve puncturing the "myth" of Ulder for Wyll and him starting to see his father as a human with flaws instead of idolizing him. I also really thought that there would be a dramatic confrontation!

So there we have it - places I thought Wyll's quest might go based on what I'd seen in act 1 and early act 2. I was very wrong indeed - two of the three things I thought might be main drivers never came up at all, and one of them ended up being straight up ignored. Ah well!

[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 57 (Reaping Rewards?)

The morning after Heather and Conrad's trip to the lighthouse, he returned from an early morning run with Gord and checked the mail. (That mailbox came with the house in the gallery and I feel great leaving it.) Along with the usual collection of bills and flyers for the fish market down at the docks, a strange newsletter, advertising a so-called "Recipe for Life," had been delivered.

Heather put down the trifold from the Ambrosia Society. She'd never heard of it. "It's a little strange we were just talking about ghosts and unfinished business, and the next day a newsletter arrives talking about ambrosia," she mused.

They weren't sure whether to be intrigued or disturbed - perhaps a little of both - but they couldn't deny their curiosity. Conrad looked them up on his phone. "They look legit, and I can check them out on the police computers on Monday - but you're almost a master gardener and you're already a master cook. Sorta seems like a challenge you could meet without even trying."

"I could learn to make ambrosia treats along with the Recipe for Life, as the newsletter calls it. I've stuck to wellness treats so far, but lots of pet owners ask about ambrosia. Maybe ambrosia treats could help you track down that dog you heard at the lighthouse. And knowing how to make ambrosia could definitely come in handy if the Landgraab curse strikes again."

"What does it say we have to do?"

"We need to get this thing called a Grimophone, then plant a lily and a snapdragon. I should ask my mother for help but I think whoever sent the newsletter eventually wants us to graft and grow a death flower in exchange for the recipe. She harvests them sometimes and taught me how when I was younger; she can sell them for a lot of money, but we don't have a lot of indoor space and the plants are seasonal. We'd probably have to use the hall outside Ash's room."

"Not that I think it's a great idea to give a toddler a bunch of thorny plants, and you know what I think about the curse, but if you load up Ash with a bundle of death flowers, no curse would ever be able to touch him. He'd need at least nine lives," said Conrad.

"Maybe when he's older." She frowned. "I'd rather not scare him or lie to him about what they're for. But doing this could help keep him safe. That's all I want."

Despite their busy lifestyles, they were more attracted to the challenge set forth in the newsletter with each passing thought.

"I don't mind cooking more, learning the recipe myself. I meant it when I said I'd do anything to keep you and Ash safe, but we're a team, and you're not going to do this alone," he said. "It's dangerous messing around with death."

Visiting her family in Henford, Heather picked up some flower seeds from her expert botanist mother and asked her sister-in-law, a walking Simpedia on all kinds of topics, about the Grimophone.

"My mother has one," said Cass. "Anything paranormal, you name it. She bought it."

"What does it do?"

"It plays any music you want, but the real trick is it'll help you summon the Grim Reaper. If you go see my mother, she'd be happy to show it to you."

After work one rainy evening, Heather and Conrad stopped by to visit Bella Goth at her mansion in Cavalier Cove. Through her years spent obsessing over the supernatural, she'd collected various items that now took up space in her attic.

Heather was nervous. "And summoning the Grim Reaper will help us learn to make ambrosia? It won't do anything else...like unleash death and destruction?"

"From Grimmie? Hardly! He's just a courier. Jokes he wears bicycle shorts under all those black robes."

"You know the Grim Reaper?"

"He was the last person to see my brother alive, so I had to find a way to talk to him. But he was so kind. We struck up a nice friendship."

"According to the newsletter, we'll probably have to make friends with him, too."

"I bet Grimmie asked the society to set the challenge just so he could make a bunch of new friends! He knows plenty of people know how to make ambrosia, but he wishes people were less afraid of him. Culling sims all day can be a lonely existence, you know."

Bella led them upstairs and pulled out her old Grimophone, blowing off the dust to reveal a music player made of matte black steel. "If you want, I could pull out the seance table and you could ask the spirits about ambrosia. That should help you learn the recipe in no time."

Conrad stepped forward. "Is it safe?"

"I haven't used it in years so it might be a little shaky, but the spirits who stick around to answer simple questions are harmless. Mostly departed mentors who miss teaching."

She sat with Heather and Conrad at the small round table draped in purple and gold cloth. She blew away more dust, and Heather's allergies made her sneeze.

"Watcher bless you," said Bella. "It's especially important to say such a thing if you sneeze around a seance table. We don't need any spirits stealing your soul!"

"This is a bad idea. Heather, maybe we should think more about this."

"Conrad, it's okay. I still have my soul," Heather assured him. "We're here for Ash, so we might as well ask about the ambrosia."

Bella showed them how to convene with the spirits with their palms open on the table. She chanted a rhyme that sounded faintly Omiscan, and suddenly a blue flame flickered to life before their eyes.

Floating above the table, the flame bent it's shape into a hoop, like a tunnel for spirits and sims to commune on one plane. Heather seemed possessed, swaying with the pulsing circle above their heads as jumbled Simlish spewed from her lips.

"What's happening to her?" Conrad was frightened, but Bella smiled warmly.

"She's fine. They're just having a conversation."

"Make it stop!"

"They'll only be a few minutes. If I pull her out before they're finished, she might not be able to get in touch with them again. They think it's rude if you just leave."

"Is she even conscious?"

"In a way."

"Could she get...stuck?"

"Oh, that's rare!" She laughed while Conrad's heartrate quickened.

"Mrs. Goth, if anything happens to her in there-"

"What's going on?"

Bella's son, Alexander, walked nonchalantly into the room. The flaming blue portal to another dimension didn't phase him.

"Heather's travelling with some of my old gear, sweetheart."

"Is this that newsletter thing?"

"This was my idea," she admitted. "But Heather's fine."

"Do you think you'll be done before Lydia gets back from spin class? This might freak her out a bit."

Finally, disappearing as rapidly as it first appeared, the blue light released Heather from her trance. "Wow!" she breathed, lowering her hands and reacquainting herself with her surroundings. "That was nuts! How long was I out?"

"A few minutes, just like I expected." Bella shot Conrad a satisfied grin while his shoulders dropped in relief.

"I just went to school and learned about ambrosia for three days. I feel like I could make ambrosia treats in my sleep! They said we can only learn the Recipe for Life by following the instructions as they're given, and the next thing we need to do is summon the Grim Reaper on the Grimophone."

"Did you want mine?"

"You don't need it?"

"Grim and I are such good friends, I can just call him on my phone. Go ahead, have fun, but it drops a fair bit of soot in the air from the horn. Just a warning!"

When they returned home, Conrad held her close, still unnerved by what he witnessed. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Conrad, I'm fine," she insisted. "It wasn't a big deal. It was school. Nothing dangerous."

"If we use Mrs. Goth's table again, you're not travelling or whatever she called it. I will. I can't let anything happen to you."

She didn't mind his protective stance despite her independence. He always made her feel safe, and she wanted him to see where she'd been so he'd know the place was nothing to fear. But they were both exhausted by the events in Bella's attic, and they decided to wait to use the borrowed Grimophone.

For now, they'd plant their seeds and wait to see if the Ambrosia Society sent another newsletter. ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start

NOTE: As a master vet Heather knew how to make ambrosia treats. She's had a couple in reserve for a long time, but I'm pretending they're not there yet. She hasn't sold or used one because I've been plotting this paranormal storyline and wasn't sure when to bring it in, but Reapers Rewards presented a great opportunity, especially with death on their minds so recently with Ash's accident, and Heather constantly trying to improve her clinic's rating. Yesterday's post was always meant as a soft launch, but it wasn't going to get this supernatural for a while!

The storyline is actually for Conrad more than Heather, but these two are an excellent team so I don't mind that I accidentally sent Heather through the flame portal and not Conrad. He was legit upset, raising his voice to Bella while it was happening, so that stuff wrote itself and proved he's as incredible as we all think he is. Plus Heather's the one with the skills that will hopefully make this challenge a breeze, let me collect quasi-free stuff and write while Conrad gets some skills up, so they're definitely going to do this one together.

[oh-for-fic-sake-library]

Dont make me do this

Masterlist

Summary: The chosen one has fallen, disappearing into the dark, following sidious. And though it is your duty to end him you just cant, why? Why should you kill him when ll he had done was be human? He gave everything for the love of his life. And you would do the same, you abandoned him once, and you will not make that mistake again, even if it meant following him into the shadows.

Warnings: jedi bashing? Swearing, angst, poorly writen gore/graphic injury.

A/N: This is a purely self indulgent fic based around unrequited/hidden love and HE DIDNT DESERVE THE FUCKING SUIT! All that precious little bean did was try to save his wife a baby 😭😭😭

"Obi wan, we have to do this" you pleaded quietly, trying not to let padme hear you from your position in the cock pit. Your eyes searched his desperately, praying he'd see reason and agree to help you. You couldnt do this alone. Your prayers were unanswered Instead you felt ice prickle in your veins. shuddering under the intense glare the jedi master sent you. Youd never seen him so... angry before

"This is madness! You are letting your feelings cloud you;" he scolded quickly wiping the rage from his face trying not to succumbto his own emptions and be called out as a hypocrite.

"Damn fucking right i am! I am letting it get in the way, because being fucking emotionless drove him away, drove him to this." you snapped back your own desperation driving you to a furious frustration.

"Thea please now is not the time for this;" obi-wan sighed once again trying to brush you off as he often did. As everyone did. But this time you refused to be ignored, this was too damn important. You leant over slamming both hands down on the console letting your force crackle ominously around you.

Obi-wan stiffened at the display of hot fury. Something he'd heard mace and yoda raise concern about in meetings, yet he'd never seen this for himself. It was unsettling to see you so riled up. For the first time in his life he saw somthing else in you. Something frightening.

"It is the only time for this! Obi-wan, Anakin has struggled all his life in the order. He feels much more then anyone i know. He doesn't feel sadness only devastation, not happiness but elation, never fondness but love. He always has. And he felt completely and utterly alone" obi-wan tried to argue, he opened his mouth wantingnto find the words to counter you. But he couldnt, you were right, Anakin sought out connections. He didnt mean to but he did, subconsciously he always needed to cling to something, someone.

And in pushing him away, setting clear boundaries between them in an effort to stop himself becoming a father figure to anakin he hadnt been there to stop this madness. He'd failed to curb anakins need for attachments. Perhaps if he had allowed anakin to latch onto him as the boy wanted, he wouldnt have unknowingly sought out sidious, or you or persued padme. He could have happily continued his path as a jedi along side his master.

"We did that, we isolated him. Or made himmfeel isolated. He felt like he couldnt come to us for help obi-wan. He thought we'd judge him, that we would abandon him."

"He was terrified that the one person he loves, the only person in the world he could truly be ungaurded around was about to be torn from him. He made mistakes but so did we..." you traild off slumping back against the wall of the ship feeling your own shame wash over you. The many times youd seen anakin not himself, but let him brush you off, telling you he was just tired or giving some other generic excuse. Should you have pressed him harder? Pushed for answers, made him snap at you and perhaps get the truth. Was that what he needed?

"He slaughtered the younglings! He's become sith, and you want to pity him, you dont know what your asking!" Your self doubt was cut short as obi-wan growled in anguish. He was so torn, hurt by what had happened. Maye more so then you, he probably felt even more responsible for this then you did. He practically raised anakin. But no mtter how much this hurt him you were not about to let him take it out on you. No. He didnt get to do that, he wasnt the only person hurting, nd you werent about to become an emotional punching bag for him.

"I am asking you to fucking help me. I am asking you not to do this, dont fight him. He doesnt need an adversary. He needs help, he need us to accept him, to be honest with him and guide him" you snapped back watching with a tightening chest as obi-wan pulled back slightly. Before shaking his head scoffing at you, trying to calm his irritation. He spun away from you flicking a switch on the control panel before ducking his head pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Accept him? How. How can we accept this! How can you stand there and tell us we need to join him!" When he finally spoke again his voice rose quickly. You faltered not used to seei g anything but mild disapproval from him. Never had he bordered anger like this. You knew it was only natural, a mix of fear, disappointment and dread. He felt betrayed.

"Because thats what we need to do to fucking bring him back! I want to bring him back and we cant do that if we arnet beside him. For fuck sake this is the orders fault as much as it is sidious'... its our fault obi-wan. We ignored the signs, we... took Anakin for granted assumed he would cope alone so left him to his own devices" you managed to keep calm, trying to reason with obi-wan.

"We nurtured his turning by allowing his marriage to go undeteced we should have reported it;" obi-wan didnt get to finsh. You were narling in his face before he could move an inch.

"Dont you dare. DONT YOU DARE! Padme is the only reason he didnt fall sooner and you know it!" Your temper flared as you pointed in the direction of padme somewhere in the ship. Youd put up with a lot, but blaming padme because he couldnt stomach the thought of failing in his teachings was not one of them.

"And now look! He turned anyway! He fell Thea." He spoke quieter this time realising he may have begun to be unnecessarily harsh.

"Yeah he did. He fell right into the hands of sidious, because we couldnt catch him ourselves. Joining the dark side isnt the answer... even if we were just pretending so we can make him see the light, sidious would know." You offered once more, still trying to make obi-wan come around to your way of thinking. Surely it was better to try and save Anakin by nymeans then to just go and kill him? Didnt obi-wan love him enough to try?

"Im sorry but i have to do this. He has to see reason or..."

"Careful Obi-wan that almost sounded like an absolute." You hissed cruely making him snap his gaze to you. Eyes hardening as he took in your stnce, the way your force rippled around you sinisterly.

"Thea" he warned gently, trying to calm you and use that legendary charm he was famed for. But you sneered at him instead. All you could think was how easily the jedimaster was giving up, how he threw away his brother so quickly and would turn on him when there were other ways.

"You don even care how hypocritical you just sounded do you? The same old jedi double standard" Youd scoffed rolling your eyes, unable to The hypocrisy and intolerance wouldnt change.

"Please try to see things clearly" he almost pleaded, but unfortunately it was too late. Youd made your decision, and he had made his. All you could do now was watch things crumble around you.

"Oh trust me I do. i didnt before, but i finally understand. You dont see it. Do you? Its the order. Its poison. It's infected your mind like a sickness. They made sure the order means more to you then actual living breathing people." Your words began to twist, prod and slice at him but once you started you couldnt stop. Wouldnt stop.

"That no one in the galaxy should be more important or more powerfull then the jedi. Its funny really. The sith empire will rise again; more powerfull then last time and it was pssible because of the jedi orders hubris and even now the jedi are so blinded by their pride they refuse to admit it" your eyes locked with obi-wan's pwn pained gaze. He didnt respnd, you werent sure if it was because he was hurt by your words orif he thought this would blow over, that you were just throwing a tantrum. After a few more moments of silence he sighed, opeing his mouth to speak but it was too late.

"I dont want to hear it. Just know if you raise your saber, i will to." You anounced drawing a line in the sand before gettingnup, leaving the cockpit ignoring his calls to come back and talk this out. But there was no talking. No reconciliation. The time of the jedi had ended, the order was dead. and unfortunately obi-wan wasnt smart enough to admite defeat and abandon the sunken ship.

You watched from Inside the ship as anakin and obi-wan dueled across mustafar's boiling terrain. You yelled in fury obi-wan was cunning, after youd left him in the cockpitt to mull over your words he'd removed your acsess to the doors. And left with pad,e quickly making sure you were kept on the ship.

Your heart broke as the fight continued, eyes watering as two people you caredmfor deeply camemto blows in a brutal battle. Padme was unconscious on the floor by the ship. It had been frightening seeing first hand what anakin was capable of, what he was willing to do to those he belived betrayed him. A tiny part of you wanted to stay on the ship out of fear. You were scared he now thought you were a backstabber. That youd forsaken him as padme and obi-wan had.

No. no you couldnt allow it. You wont let him think so little of you.

"3-po! Quick we have to get padme, come on we have to help her" you pleaded motioning to the woman sprawled out on the floor. Your words drew the droids attention and suddenly he was stepping towards the back of the ship all the while continuing his usual anxious rambling.

As soon as the door was open you bolted, running past the droid full speed stopping beside padme checking her over. She was unconscious- maybe passed out? But not dead. Thankfully Anakin would never forgive himself or obi-wan if padme had died here like this.

"3-po you handle this, take her to the ship and look after her" you called over your shoulder to the droid ignoring the complaints from him.

You raced across the surface of mustafar unclipping your lightsaber as you climber a small burning dune of sand only to freeze at the scene. Obi-wan had anakin trapped, the former was being backed up to the flowing lava. They were yelling at one another, screaming. Anakin was meeting his master blow for blow but Obi-wan wasnt relenting or holding back instead he was leading anakin to the river. Anakin hadn't noticed, he was to angry, he wasnt paying attention.

You ran, jumping, leaping forward trying to close the distance between them before it was too late. Your anger spiked fueling you, urging you to go faster. Obi-wan was going to throw him in the lava. He wasnt going to kill him himself. He didnt have the guts to do it cleanly himself!

Obi-wan brought his saber down in a powerfull blow tipping Anakin off balance . And with that the chosen one began to fall.

"NO ANAKIN!" the scream tore from your throat in such a mournful bellow it hurt your vocal cords. Both men looked towards you startled by you. Your arrival destracted obi-wan enough for you to stretch out to the force as Anakin fell into the molten lava.

He screamed in excruciating pain as one arm, shoulder, leg and the side of his chest became burned but you yanked on him. Your force was quick enough to pull him from his fiery grave before it could engulf him. And it was strong enough to put some distance between him and obi wan. Anakin landed heavily out of harms way quivering, hissing and moaning as the pain of his wounds began settling.

Anakin was alive. He was alive. Thank the force youd got out of that ship.

You didnt stop. Even though Anakin was alive, you didnt stop your charge. No. Instead to ignited your own saber and jumped over Anakin before lunging at obi-wan.

"Wait what are you doing? You said youd help" obi-wan yelled raising his saber only just managing to block your own. He staggered back, unprepared for the power youd put behind the blow. He waited for you to pull back but you didnt. Instead you pushed on keeping your blade locked with his, digging your heals into the rock below you and using your weight to throw him back a few steps creating some distancebetween the two of you.

"I said id raise my saber if you do. I never said it'd be pointed at Anakin" you panted pointing your saber to him threateningly.

His eyes widened, realising you had intended to kill him. He glanced to the purple of your saber. He knew what it meant, had always known what it meant. You were comfortable useing the dark side if you had to. It was unspoken but purple sabers were somewhat feared in the order. It meant you had afinty for both light and dark. It meant you were a different kind of jedi. Strong, dangerous. Suddenly he felt sick, the beginings of dread and icey fear curling around him. It was as they had always feared. You were turning. Not just Anakin, you were going to the dark aswell.

"No. No! Thea dont do this! Dont follow him down this road" obi-wan pleaded lowering his saber shaking his head at you, hopeing, praying you will stop before its to late.

You widened your stance before casting a look over your shoulder to Anakin. As silly as it was you were uncomfortable with him behinde you. He was clearly stressed, angered beyond the point of reasoning. Your eyes locked with his and he frowned. He was trying to figure out if you were an ally in this or not. You nodded subtly to him.

"Youll be okay Anakin. I'll help you with your wounds i promise just... just sit tight okay?" You said glancing at the burns on his side, the bionic prostetic was fucked, the metal and carbon melted and twisted, his fingers all stuck in odd angles and fused as if he had cramp. It was probably where the caseing was melted and shrunk pressing on the components below. It was completely useless now.

Your gaze lifted with a wince the top of his arm and shoulder was almost steaming from the way the intense heat that had caught it. His skin was blitering, torn and sagging away from his actual muscles and tendons. He was sitting down at an odd angle, his arm jutted away from his body, avoiding the same agonising blisters and open wonuds on his arm that also decorated one side of his chest, down his ribs and abdomen.

He only uttered your name in response. Hissing as he shifted trying to inch closer. His eyes told you all you needed to know. He was relieved you were here, thankfull you saved him. Yet determined, angry. He wanted to kill obi-wan you could sense it. See it in him. He was frustrated because he knew how close he'd come to failing. How close he'd been to death. Yet he still wanted to fight. But he also knew he couldnt take on obi-wan again in this state.

"Thea Move!" Obi-wan demanded angrily drawing your attention away from Anakin. You growled locking your shoulders and tensing, anticipating a strike from the jedi master.

"Move Thea please, dont make me do this" you scoffed keeping your eyes on him as he poised his saber for another attack. Both of you prepared to do what must be done.

"Im not making you do anything, your doing it all on your own. Leave obi-wan. Its over, the orders dead. Just... just go" you hissed feeling the irritation grow with obi-wan. He couldnt see it! He was blinded by faith in an order that never was.

"You know i cant do that i cant walk away from this" the jedi master pleade, as if tryingnto make it seem as if his hands were truley tied. And that right there was the problem. The jedi order did this to people. Took away choices, forced decision onto people claiming it was for the greater good. When in actual fact it was just to protect the orders values. They belived that there was no other way, all other veiws were immoral. It was almost amusing the amount of hypocrisy the order spewed, the absolutes they enforced despite only sith deal in absolutes.

"Yes you can, just go. While you still can. I dont want to kill you but i will." Your words were almost pleading, yet too harsh to be considered as such. You needed him to just walk away.

"Youll really do this? Really stand by him? After what he has done! Join his madness?!" You winced as he tried to manipulate you, twisting the knife in the still raw open wound. Dredgeing up the worst atrocities Anakin had just commited to try and sway you. Did you agree with the younglings slaughter? No. Your not a monster. But whats done is done, and you knew Anakin would regret that untill the day he died. When he dropped out of what ever manic fury he was in the younglings will haunt him forever. Thats his burden, his punishment, his guilt to bare. Not yours.

"Yes. I wont abandon him when he needs me. I wont let him suffer alone. Not again" you called out louder then intended, you heard Anakins faint gasp as you confirmed your intentions. You felt his force signature lift from behinde you. Perking up with a warmth you knew to be his own relief and joy. He was happy you werent going to turn on him.

"You.. you love him. All this time you've been in love with him. Youll be sith fall into the darkside for him? This is why we dont love! This is the reason!" Obi-wan's words were small at first, doubtfull and confused. But quickly became frustrated accusations. You met his gaze and drew a breath choosing not to respond which made the jedi master snarl in frustration.

You had to look away from him, casting your eyes back to Anakin who had been torn between watching the scene before him and trying to ease his pain with deep breaths and force healing, that he wasnt exactly the best at.

But Anakin had heard, you wished he hadnt but he had. Looking up with a startled face, locking eyes with you questioning if it was true with a single gaze. You tore your eyes from him, fightened of what youd see in the next few moments. You didnt want him to know, didnt want him to see how far you had fallen. You were ashamed, your love was forbidden. But you loved your best friend, your comrade, brother. You loved a man who belonged to another. And it ate you alive.

"Dont you see? Dont you both see love feeds the darkness! It pushes jedi untill we are irrational and we fall untill we are sith;" Obi-wan began another rant, desperately trying to turn things around and scold you both into an epiphany. As if you both would suddenly stop holding people dear and your love would dissappear.

Obi-wans words seemed to be the final straw, he had found your tipping point. Scolding you like a child about pride and responsibility when he himself couldnt even admit the order had fucked up. That they had been cruel and negligent.

"I am not a jedi! I am not a sith! I am a fucking human being obi-wan. A free, thinking, feeling, angry, tired human being who has had just about enough of the orders propegander cultist shit!" Your scream echoed in the valley so loud it rendered the roar of mustafar almost silent in comparison. A small amount of your force rippled around you shifting the sand and rocks about your feet. Your rage had come to a boil, the darkness within you flickering awake. But you refused to stamp it out, refused to deny it this time.

"Thea.." the jedi master stepped back lowering his saber in shock as your aura darkened before him finally releasing what felt like a lifetime of pent up rage and fear. The fury and down right evil radiating from you was enough for him to rethink this battle. You were glorious and frightening to behold.

"Your right. Your right I love Anakin! I love you! I love padme and ahsoka and stars forbid i even hold a love for my master!" You continued shouting, loosing yourself in the truth of your own emotion. Welcoming the anger and frustration for the first time in your life. Finally, finally letting yourself drown in it.

"But i also hate. I hate master yoda for not listening to me when i sought reassurance, instead of helping me he gave me riddles and kept me silent. I hate that i was never allowed to question anything, i hate that i was expected to give up so much for so little. That my life would become meaningless just because i could use the force; it fucking condemned me! Condemned all of us!" Your words spewed like venom they were acidic on your tongue so much so you had to spit them out to so they wouldnt poison you further.

"I hate that i have become a fucking gaurd dog of the elite! That i spend my days protecting crooked senators instead of helping the civilians i vowed to protect and i loath; no detest the order and its stupid fucking rules, rules that were created out of fear" you clenched your saber tight in your fist untill the ridges of the hilt threatened to cut into your skin. You shook, quivered dragging sharp breaths through your teeth as your own words resounded around you. The fear, hate, shame and guilt youd always felt releasing at once in once torrent of regret.

"You dont know what your saying;"

"Yes i do! i said it and i meant it i hate the order. Hate it Obi-wan! And im fucking relived that this is the end of it because its needed to fucking die for years!" You shut him down quickly with a snarl, inching forward as another more powerful wave of your now tainted force escaped in yet another blast towards him despite you trying to hold it back. It was impossible, the air around you was charged with it. Crackling and twisting in an invisible violent display of power.

You closed your eyes pulling yourself back from what ever edge you were teetering on. Trying to calm yourself and draw some deep breaths. You didnt want to loose control, not like this but... but you didnt want to lie to yourself anymore or pretend. You were a human, you were entitled to feel your feelings.

Obi-wan watched in horror as your saber rattled in your hand, shuddering violently in your grip for a few long seconds untill it faltered. He felt sick to his stomach as the blade transformed before his eyes. Red seeped from the hilt, consuming the purple of your blade with greed. It was over, there was no coming back from that. Your kyber had absorbed the hate and malice. He coudlnt pull you from the dark side now. You were lost.

Even Anakin was shocked never seeing such a thing happen before. He knew how it happened but never once thought youd bleed your crystal. You were always so controlled and carefull with your saber and handling your kyber. Perhaps this was why? You were close to the dark and it wouldnt have taken much to slip and fall. What shocked him the most was that you hadnt even realised what youd done. Was it was so natural for you to feel this rage that you didnt even notice it properly? You didnt cast a second thought to what might happen to your kyber?

You began speaking again, this time clamer. But still on the cusp of pure unadulterated rage. The frightening female rage that could stop a man in his tracks with a single 'no' still oblivious to the new red hue of your blade.

"Between the hate, love and frustration most of all i am sick. Sick and tired of this galaxy and everyone in it trying to contain those gifted with the force. Just because the force chose us to wield it; doesnt mean we have to be fucking soldiers or pawns or or slaves to someone elses doctrines" you explained revealing just what you thought the jedi truley were. Slaves.

You heard Anakin from behind you, repeating the word gently in a strange disbelief. As if he himself had never associated the two. But you felt the realisation. The moment his own anger spiked before knosediving into a deep depressed disappointment. He had replaced slavery for slavery. And he'd never even noticed.

"You.. you have been straying? these? Thea how long has this...." obi-wan summarised, not even angry at you. How could he be? This was the orders failing. For a moment you thought you could see understanding. That he accepted the order hadnt just failed to understand and protect Anakin, but you aswell. How many others? How many jedi hated the order and were just too scared to sya it? How many people had stayed silent just so they could remain with their loved ones and not be exiled?

"Longer than him. As long as i can remember I..." your words trailed off. Once again shame and doubt cluding you. This was difficult, for the first timemyou were being honest with yourself, with obi-wan and Anakin. It was daunting letting everything out like this, feeling true emotions willingly. Youd been trained not to, itgoes against everything youve been brought up to belive.

"Thea? Why did you never say anything?" Anakin called from behind you finally managing to stand and breath through the pain, all be it unsteady and lopsided, his uninjured arms curled below his burned one.

"I couldnt. I never wanted to admit it... anakin you? Had your own doubts if I'd said something? I didnt want anyone to know my real thoughts. Or influence you." You uttered slowly still coming down from your rage, inching yourself back into a calmer state of mind. Somehow your outburst had stopped the raging war between the jedi master and Knight.

Or maybe obi-wan wasnt attacking because he knew itd be useless. A master jedi would struggle taking on one dark side user, let alone two. It was clear both you and Anakin had embraced your afinty for the dark side to certain degrees. You were both unpredictable now and obi-wan probably wouldnt best you both.

You tried to ingor the flutter of pride, you made a jedi master question his own strength and resolve. It wasnt a stretch to say he might even fear battleing you now youd begun your decent into the so called darker aspects of the force

"There is only the force and it is grey. It is balance, but it is power and we all use it to gain victory. The force is blameless and we are all manipulators. Thats it. Nothing else you either use it or you dont. Everything in the force can be used for good or evil." Anakin hummed pondering the words in a very un-anakin like way. He never seemed one for deep thinking or philosophical nonsense. But he seemed to be taking in your points weighing them up against one another.

"Dont you see obi-wan we twisted it, us. We made it what it is and use the force as an excuse to control one another. And if you force me to choose between slavery in the light and freedom in the dark?" You turned from Anakin and began pleading for your friend and teacher to understand your point. He had to, even if he didnt like it or agree you had to make him know of your reasoning. That you werent ust an evil woman driven by a need for power and vengeance.

"I choose the dark, just like Anakin. And honestly i chose it long ago... i was just scared of loosing what was most important to me. Scared to break the chains" you glanced to Anakin again unable to keep your self from checking on him. You were worried, concered and anxious to see if he was angry or disgusted by the way you felt about him. But he didnt give any indication, he was lost innhis own thoughts and didnt seem to aware of what was going on in that moment.

But then again he was probably overwhelmed. In the last few hours he'd betrayed the jedi, stormed the temple, slaughtered the younglings and jedi, almost killed padme and his unborn, fought his master, almost been burned alive and then had to deal with your hidden feelings coming to light.

"Thea please;" obi-wan tried again holding out his hand to you, trying to offer you a path back into whats left of the jedi. And it felt like the final attempt. He looked conflicted and exhausted.

You shook your head and stepped back as if he was trying to poison you. And in a way he was, he wanted to draw you into something youd only just managed to truely escape. He was still a slave he just couldnt see it. You pitied him in a way. He was too far gone and would never ever be free.

"No. I wont warn you again kenobi. You need to Leave now. And do not seek us out again" your voice didnt waver. You didnt flinch or stutter. Though the strength was just a mask. Inside you were crumbling, it shouldnt have come to this. The order should have just faded away like all relics of the past. But the jedi were greedy in their own way, stubborn. They refused to change, belived there was no need to ever compromise and for that hubris they had paid dearly.

Obi-wan didnt say anything, what could he say as you severed every connection you had with him. Every familiarity gone in a instant. He flicked his gaze from you to anakin and back again before disengaging his lightsaber and backed away. And then he was gone, falling out of sight behind the dunes.

You stayed alert until, you saw the ship take off and felt you and anakin were alone. Only then did you finally disengage your own saber and relax, collapsing to your knees taking a moment to come to terms with what had just happened. You were out. Free, free to feel and love and hate, free to decide whats best for you, live on your own terms with your own beliefs.

Tears began streaming down your face. This wasnt what you thought itd be, wasnt what you feared. Where was the shame? The terror and guilt? You were supposed to be lost and alone now. But all you felt was relief and strong. You felt peace yet a chaos, powerfull. You felt bold. It was everythingnyou were told it wasnt. You heard anakin shuffle behind you and then a gruntal moan as he fell heavily to the floor next to you. That snapped you out of your trance, you can reorder your feelings later, for now he needed you.

"Fuck, fuck are you okay? Here lets get away from all this lava, come on up here, let me see." You began quickly assessing him while trying to usher him futher up the bank. He swore under his breath pushing at you hands as you tired to support him. It was slow going but you managed to help half drag him higher moving him away from the rushing lava river that nearly killed him.

"Hey talk to me..." your voice grew quiet as the silence dragged on becoming uncomfortable and tense. But he just stared at you, yellow eyes burning into you trying to figure something out. Like you were a puzzle for him to pull apart.

"You... saved me from the lava... you pulled me free before....and protected me. You chose to stay?" He finally spoke confusion lacing his words. For a moment you thought he was going into some pain induced delirium or shock syndrom. He was both questioning you and doubting himself. Yet at the same time reaffirming what had happened.

"Yes. I did... Are you okay? Anakin your scaring me;" you confirmed before trying to find out if he was feeling like himself. You needed to lnow if he was going to turn and attack you or not. You had to be ready, he may have dropped his saber but youd seen what he'd done to padme without it. You didnt want to be the next one on his list.

"Anakin is dead." He snarled, sharp and furious. It was manic he was desperate to distance himself from who he once was. You drew a breath nodding to him, raising your hands slowly in a surrendering motion as you felt his force swirl around him erratically smothering you in a thickening cloak of raw power.

"W-who has taken his place?" You tried not to fear the answer, fear him. But he was glareing at you so intensely it almost physically hurt.

"Vader. Darth vader." You flinched, swallowing dryly. So it was true, he wasnt just becoming a dark jedi, but a sith. A true sith apprentice, one day a sith lord like the old tales. But you managed to take it in your stride simply nodding along with him.

"And what is darth vader going to do? I-is he; are you going kill me? Now that obi-wan is gone and the jedi are being eradicated" with that he relaxed. The acceptance soothed him, his rage receded as if he understood you werent going to argue or harm him. You felt an overwhelming sadness at that. He was so defensive and vulnerable yet youd never noticed before. He didnt reply the silence was deafening, you could only assume the worse.

"It okay vader... its okay of you need to; just at least let me help fix you up first alright?" You reassured him holding back tears. You knew this was a possibility. Knew he might kill you anyway to truly set himself free of the order. And you were willing to do that for him, to die for him to release himself from the shackles of the order.

"Thank stars its your right at least you wont lose another hand, well youll need a new prostetic and your shoulders fucked for now but we can;" you continued babbling trying not to think as you began healing him slowly, carfully letting your force flow through you to at least sooth his pain. He stared the whole time gazing almost blankly at you. Not evern hissing or flinching as you worked over the burns.

"Were you telling the truth?" His voice carried a vulnerable lilt to it. Like a child asking a parent if they were truly forgiven after being naughty. It was a small voice one youd never heard him use before. You stopped what you were doing and sat straighter giving him your undivided attention, yet it was you who felt like you were under a microscope.

"Is what you said true? About the order... the dark. Your feelings... your love?" He struggled to voice the words aloud but had to. And just like he had to ask you knew you had to answer.

"Yes. I havent ever truly cared for the order, but i did fear them. I stayed because i had people i was afraid of losing" you looked down still feeling shame. It was so ingrained into you that everything you thought and felt was wrong you could'nt help but be nervous revealing it so intimately.

"But eventually you have to be true to yourself and accept it. Even if it means getting yourself killed. If thats the case I'll die free and honest" you summarised tryingnto let him know you understood and you were at peace with your impending demise, especially if that ps what he needed.

"And your love? Was that a truth you had to face? The thing you couldnt lose...The person you were afraid of losing?" He asked again this time more desperate. He raised a hand to yours, clasping your wrist tightly and pulling it from his wounds. You closed your eyes sighing.

"Im here arent I?" You chuckled nervously motioning around you. Trying to deflect and make him assume what he wanted to save yourself the embarrassment. But he shook his head a growling at you in frustration, irritated at your refusal to answer him directly.

"No. Thea I need to hear you say it. I need to know the truth. Tell me." His frustration rose and his grip grew tighter making you wince. Your eyes searched his, pleading for him to let this go. Whats the point in pouring your heart out to him now?

His gaze was stern, brows pinched and jaw set firm, twitching in anger as the seconds slowly ticked away in silence as you continued your staring match. Finally you gave in looking away afterall you didnt have to look at him to bare your soul to him.

"Say what? That ive been madly inlove with you since i was a child? That i didnt understand what it was untill it was too late? That i adore you? That i always pushed myself harder and harder just so i could keep up with you and we wouldn't be separated? So i could be there if you ever needed me? That i could be strong enough to save you if you needed it?" You managed to wokr up the courage to look at him and gently twisted your hand from his grip and raised one slowly to his face. Cupping his jaw softly. He closed his eyes pressing into your palm, twisting slightly nuzzling into you enjoying the soft comfort.

"Yes. Yes to all the above. I love you and it has always terrified me like nothing else in the world. I was told so many times by my master by yoda and everyone who noticed that i was wrong. That it was dangerous and itd destroy me but i didnt care. I love you An-Vader;" you stopped yourself short and pulled away from him before you broke down. You felt like your chest was in a vice, being crushed. Your stomach was churning unsettled by the mix of fear and warmth you were feeling. It felt unnatural to just be human and experience your own emotions without resisting.

Vader followed your hand unconsciouly before capturing himself. Frowning in disappointment as the soothing touch fell away from him. He let you retreat knowing you you needed to distance yourself to get this off your chest once and for all. He was prepared for tears, and frustration and cursing. But he wasnt ready for the dark turn your words took.

"Fuck i even pulled clovis aside and threatened to skin him alive when he started to interfere; and i wasnt bluffing i was going to do it. I had a plan on how i was going to get away with it too. i scared him and myself. i couldnt find it in myself to be jealous of padme or resent her becasue i just wanted you to be happy. And if her love made you happy that was enough for me" your words pulled your force,making it thrum once more igniting under the surface with an eager malice as you remebered the fear. The promise you made to clovis as he trembled at the thoughts you were pushing into him. Youd gone too far that day. You knew you had, forcing him to see his own torture in his minds eye. It wasnt the jedi way. Youd avoided him after that. Not wanting to relive it, far too frightend of your own commitment to your threat. Youd have done it. Youd do anything for Anakin.

"She didnt, she never actually;" Vader began speaking searching for the words to explain himself. As much as he didnt want to belive it he knew there was only one explination for padme's refusal. He wasnt enough. His love and devotion wasnt enough to keep her by his side. He trembled, lip quivering as he turned to look you in the eye and finally with a shaky breath he admitted outloud what you both knew to be true.

"She has betrayed me. She wouldnt come with me y/n. In the end she didnt want me enough. I did everything for her. All this for her and she abandoned me her love wasnt enough to stand by me." He broke down, he didnt understand. Didnt want to, the pain was too much. He had sacrificed everything for her survival. And he sees now it was in vain. He'd been living a lie for her and she didnt see what it had done. What she had cost him. What he was willing to pay for her to be safely by his side.

You inched closer as he crumbled, mouring his love. His loss, his failure. It cut you, twisted cold knives in your gut. How? How could she have done this? Didnt she see what there marriage had cost them? Cost Anakin. No. How could she? Padme was free, she had nothing to lose. To her she had a powerful, respected ,handsome husband who she could have exciting secret couplings with when ever she wished. She got to run around in her own exciting forbbiden romance reality.

Yet Anakin could have lost everything he had worked for . All his years of blood sweat and tears would have been for nothing. He'd have lost his home,family, freinds, job his entire world would have crumbled around him if he'd been caught. And in the end he gave it all up willingly, falling from grace so thoroughly just to save her life. And it wasnt enough.

"But you didnt run... you didnt abandon me..your feelings are real, they have to be" you were pulled out of your thoughts by him grasping you, his hand coming to your cheek. You gasped as he pushed forward fingers trailing down to your jaw thumb lightly, ghosting your lower lip and then with a languid twist his fingers rose once more to settle on your cheek again.

Its was like he was mapping out your features. Fascinated and in awe. You blinked at him speechless from the delicate feather light touches. He'd never done anything like this before. His eyes became haunting as the yellow shrunk giving way to his puplis that grew wider. It was like he were seeing you for the first time, releasing the tight grip on his own restraint. Just as you were about to break the silence he spoke again, this time softer.

"You... you just threw away everything for me. Risked everything to protect me, just as i did for her. You truly love me. More then the others; more then my own wife. Im sorry, sweet angel im so so sorry i never saw it before." He apologised slidingmhis hand to cup the back of your neck and tipped forward pressing his own forehead to yours.

"I will not forsake you as she has done me. Do you hear me? I will not, i swear to you Thea. Come with me. Join me" the vow caught you off gaurd. This was something you only dreamt of. A fantasy youd kept in secret. He closed his eyes arching up pressing a kiss to your head inching closer and pulled you to rest on his collar bone. His arm now dropping to coil around you as best as they could with the damage done to his prostetic. You leant into him letting yourself curl into him, closing as much space as you could between the two of you.

"Join me? Please? We can... we can build something. Be something greater than what we were designed to be. Make an empire that will bring peace, that will punish the wicked greed festering in the galaxy" you shuddered feeling a sob bubble up. The guilt and elation both clashing in an overwhelming storm of emotion youd never been allowed to experience before. Tears began flowing once more as you tried to latch onto something familiar, something comforting. But there was nothing, it was all brand new and frightening.

"But what about Padme? Arent you going to try and convince her again? Or sidious? He will kill me im not strong enough to join him he'd never;" your words were mumbled, sentences torn apart by weak sobs and soft sniffles. You were desperately trying to find some stability, some comfort in all the chaos. And you were most comfortable when denying yourself everything youd ever truly wanted.

"Padme is not my concern any longer. Its time i stopped kidding myself, she showed where her loyalties lie. She was willing to let me; the so called love of her life, her husband, the father to her child; die at the hands of obi-wan becuase i chose another more powerful path" You shook your head disagreeing in mumbled hlf sobs weeping into him still unable to really understand what he was saying, you heard the words but it didnt register. You didnt want to risk believing them incase this was a trick, a ruse to ruin you completely.

"You were not. You who has been by my side, and loved me in secret. You stood up against obi-wan to protect me, thats the loyalty and courage a true wife should have. I will not ignore that sacrifice" he said louder, a grit to his voice determination and authority pouring from him. He wanted you to listen. To truly listen and see this for what it was. This was the defining moment of both your lives. The moment you both truly found oneanother and began walking the same path, marching towards a future that would give the both of you everything youd ever wanted and needed.

He honestly belived that both of you had been drifting through this life, mearly exsisting waiting for this moment where the force finally unites you both. He could feel it now, see clearly for the first time in years. The sleepless nights, doubts and fear of his own desires and marriage came to an end and al. He knew was that this was where he had meant to be. Here with you standing on the dawn of a new era for the galaxy.

"Sidious will not harm you. I will not allow that. You are loyal to me. You are mine. And i will fight to,protect you as you have fought for me today." His words poured, hands grasping you tighter as you cried still weakly holding onto the past. Your own doubt and fear clouding your resolve. He hated it. The way you crumbled so completely into him, you were strong. Always so strong but here and now you were lost and overwhelmed. It was down to him to pull you through. To guide you back and show you your place amongst all the changes.

"But im a jedi; vader dont... dont toy with me. I know you need to kill me and its okay. Its okay, im ready. I knew; you dont have to;"

"You are no longer a jedi. Look. Your saber...see?" He cut you off quickly, a snarl. Then he let out a breath before tipping his head to your saber and explained gently. You frowned at him before leaning to the saber youd discarded beside the both of you as you slumped to the ash. With a quick look to Vader you ignighted your saber only to yelp and drop it as soon as the red glow shone from the hilt.

"Oh... oh stars what?" You blreathed out fear and shame flushing through you. Vader moved bringing the saber between you both again ingiteing it again needing you to face the reality of your new predicament.

"You bled it Thea. Somehow while your kyber was still sat inside your saber. I haven't even managed to bleed mine yet. But you? It seemes you have been much closer to the dark side than me for a while" he hummed flicking his gaze from your awe struck face and the now red saber. It was odd seeing one so close without being attacked. It was raw, powerful. He could feel the rage and distress from within it, he knew he was feeling your own discontent through the hilt. But at the same time there was almost a relief? You were at peace with the red kyber. There was an understanding. He could only assume youd been fighting it for a long time.

"I think that is what made obi-wan retreat. He realised you were serious and willing to do what ever it took. That you meant every word and if he had stayed he would be fighting a powerful woman with no jedi rules to follow" he pondered outloud still watching you trying to decipher your thoughts. He could see how this was a moral dilemma. You seemed to return to him from the shock and gave a half smile taking the saber from him with a lightly nod and clipped it to your belt.

"He feared for his life and ran" he smirked as you scoffed at that rolling your eyes at him. He released a breath he didnt realise he'd been holding as you seemed to have gatherd yourself together with an odd acceptance.

"Once i have gained the knowledge i need i will end sidious and We shall rule. You and me Thea. The jedi order and all those who stand in our way will fall;that is if you want to join me? Become the force wielder you were born to be" he ducked down following your eyes as they dipped away from him, his uninjured hand tipping your chip up once more. You flicked your eyes to his, the amber was almost golden and shone with a sincere pleading. He was being honest.

"Become the woman you were meant to be. Im asking you take this final step with me please. Come with me, serve me, stand beside me; where you belong take your place along side me and rule. Will you help me make them all pay?" You swallowed whimpering quietly lowering your eyes to your saber resting in your lap and then locked eyes with him again. What was there to lose now? You had nothing now. Nothing but the freedom to choose.

"Yes of course i will. Id do anything for you" you managed to speak through the thickening lump in your throat, managing to push through the emotional whirlwind that encased the two of you.

"And i you. Perhaps it is not too late for us, maybe we can both finally break our chains and find the true love we have always craved"

"Dont say things like that, you love padme and that wont change. And thats okay Vader." you grunted into him still weakly trying to deny what had just happened. Still convinced that Vader was lost in his own feelings and hurt by his wife. Refusing his love for her out of spite.

"You love many people, why would you think im any different. I have always held you close to my heart. I do love you, i thought i loved padme more. But... I was young and foolish, you were jedi and untouchable she wasnt. I loved you enought o never risk you, yet i didnt do the same with her. Maybe i was wrong?" He sighed pondering hos own reasoning and short comings. Maybe he should have giving things more thought before jumping the gun the way he had. He would admit after his marriage hed been torn, happy to have a slice of normality but felt an uncomfortable pain when he'd watched your face drop at the news.

"Fuck anakin really must be dead. He's never been wrong before" you laughed slapping at him playfully. He grunted pushing you back making you fall back into the ash calling you a brat.

"Oh thank god theres still some sass in there, for a second there i though vader was going to be a boring old fart" you both chuckled at that and for a second there was nothing else. No responsibilities, no betrayal no jedi of sith. It was just the two of you chuckling at your own antics as youd done so many times a children. Before everything real and pure had been stolen away and twisted for someone elses gains.

"Come. We should go he isnt patient" vader spoke glancing up the ridge as he felt Sidious approach looking down the bank to the both of you. He stood with a grunt dragging you up beside him with useing the force. You gasped lightly at the way his life force acquainted itself with you in a new familiarity. It was forbidden to use the force this way, touching carelessly could cause unbreakable force bonds, your own life forces could mingle and become reliant on one another. It was almost seen as rude and obscene to let your force touch someone else outside of healing and battle.

You eyed him flushing but said noting, instead shyly opened yourself up to him as you both began to climb up the bank towards sidious. You felt unsure as you followed vader, but you trusted him. Sidious might not have wanted you but... would he real1ly deny another corrupted jedi? Your answer came as you approuched him, he peered around vader to you and his face lit up into a sinister grin. He nodded eyes glinting with glee, it would seem he was pleased with his two for one deal.

"Come, let's get both of your injuries tended to and then we can discuss our next objectives" you relaxed visibly at that before letting Sidious lead you both away. You weren't sure what was going to come next, and selfishly you didn't care. All you knew was for the first time in your life, you'd made the choice. And you will stay beside Vader for along as he allowed you to. You will not turn your back on him. Not now, not ever.

[canmom]

Animation Night 162: Nimona

I'm back~

Hey everyone. Last week Animation Night had its second week off in just over three years. A shameful lapse; the perpetrators have been... dealt with, and you can trust it won't happen again.

So tonight! I figured we'd watch Nimona, since it just came out and all. This is actually sorta related to Annecy ('Annecy related stuff' will be a theme for a good few weeks), insofar as it premiered there. But I didn't see that premiere, so instead I gotta talk about some other stuff...

(please forgive the big ugly stickers, this is the only high-res version of the cover I could find)

So. We're in the era where the people who were big in webcomics back in the 2010s are now making animated films. A few months ago we talked Lackadaisy; now it's Nimona's turn.

If you're old by Tumblr standards, you might well remember that time ten years ago when Nate Stevenson was one of us poor sods drawing pictures on Tumblr as gingerhaze (he just came back in fact!), and Nimona was a popular webcomic. But not one you can find online anymore; Nimona came out on paper, and this in turn launched Stevenson's gradual rise through comics and into animation. Perhaps you are more likely to know of his work from She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. More on that shortly...

Nimona follows a shapeshifting girl in a fantasy world and her friendship with one Ballister Blackheart, a 'villain' in the roles of this setting but very much one with a heart of gold, at odds with the 'Institute' and his counterpart/rival/secret boyfriend Ambrosious Goldenloin. In contrast with the uptight Blackheart, Nimona is a kind of prickly traumagirl chaos agent, an archetype that we would meet again in She-Ra's Catra; the story involves many sciencefictional turns but her tumultous relationship with Blackheart is at its heart - along with the question of what sort of person Nimona is when you get down to it, which even she struggles to decide...

It's tricky to know how to characterise Nimona, 10 years on. At the time I was certainly into it; looking back I feel like it's definitely a first longform work sort of thing, where sometimes the plotting feels a bit haphazard - but regardless, it's absolutely a solid read. And for a Tumblr craving that #representation it was exactly what the doctor ordered. The great success of this comic led to more comics, primarily the Lumberjanes series about a group of girl scouts having various wacky supernatural escapades; all this comic work in turn got Stevenson an in at Disney, working on Craig McCracken's series Wander over Yonder as a writer, before finally getting a chance to run his own show...

That show was the 2018 Netflix reboot of the 80s cartoon She-Ra: Princess of Power, animated at Dreamworks. (At about the same time, Stevenson married Molly Ostertag, author of Strong Female Protagonist and writer for The Owl House). This one was very popular with the lesbians on here, odds are pretty good that you've seen it, I actually ended up watching it as it came out with housemates... but let's talk a little about it, why not.

So. Princesses is the original She-Ra by way of Avatar: The Last Airbender, taking a lot of AtlA's general approach to pacing, humour and drama alike - the first season finds it hard to step out of Avatar's shadow, but gradually it figured out a bit more of its own identity.

She-Ra is ostensibly the story of Adora, who has defected from the evil empire and gained the power to transform into magical girl supersoldier 'She-Ra', along with her two friends Glimmer and Bo from the good two shoes kingdom. These protagonists have their conflicts - Adora trying to fill the big shoes of She-Ra, Glimmer's tense relationship with her royal mother - but it is absolutely far more interested in antagonist Catra, who is the Nimona/Zuko figure of this story, as well as Adora's long-term will they or won't they love interest. Catra consistently steals the show, and most of its big drama comes from the question of whether Catra will follow Adora in defecting from the 'Horde' - or rather, why she does not, and continues to make all the worst choices possible. The intermediate season finales with their time travel and fantasy worlds are honestly pretty solid sci-fi melodrama - the final season, which really rushes to tie everything up neatly, sadly drops that ball.

Besides AtlA, it's a show that will wear its anime influences on its sleeve (with some really overt Utena nods). The animation is in an odd place where it is clearly leaning on anime drawing styles but with an American Toonboom-era inflection, where everything is pushed into simple shapes just a little too much; it has its moments (the 'Fright Zone' backgrounds are rather good, and there are some charming moments of character interaction) but struggles with space and perspective in a way that's not great for an action-driven show.

But whatever I might have to say about its flaws, She-Ra was a hit, successful enough for Netflix to fund it for four seasons - making a much larger splash than Powerhouse's concurrent He-Man series which took a much more traditional approach. And I suppose that led them to look at what other ND Stevenson related properties they might be able to sell...

As all this was happening, the Nimona film was brewing. It had a rather troubled production; in 2015 Fox bought the rights, planning to make it at Blue Sky (best known for Ice Age). The project got cancelled when Disney digested Fox, with Disney feeling a little nervy about all the gay/trans shit in this movie. (Not that that stopped them having a float at London Pride yesterday lmao. Cunts.)

But that wasn't the end of the story, and Netflix and Annapurna swooped in, pulling in directors Nick Bruno and Troy Quane who had been at Blue Sky before its demise and worked on the previous version of the film. The animation ended up being finished at the visual effects company DNEG and premiered at Annecy a couple of weeks ago - I could have met Stevenson and got a signed copy of the comic lol. Now at last it's here for streaming.

So after that messy story what sort of film is it? The story takes a similar premise to the comic, and keeps the core character relationships pretty much as they were: Blackheart is a good man unjustly framed as a villain, Nimona is a shapeshifter who pushes him to escalate, Goldenloin as the official pursuing Blackheart, and his boyfriend before the shit went down. But the plot looks like it will end up diverging quite a bit. Visually, it's CG with a 2D celshading inflection - most likely unrelated to Spiderverse given the timeline, but it's definitely belonging within that new flavour of CG film. It's a style that really pushes and exaggerates the expressions, and I can't really say how well it will work - but let's find out! The critics seem pretty excited.

I think I said that Animation Night would start at a reasonable time today. Well, my best laid plans ganged aglee, but there is time I think to check out Nimona - so if you'd like to join me, I'll be live shortly at twitch.tv/canmom and I hope to see you there ^^

[kedreeva]

Your peafowl breeding for conformation has me thinking about crossing wild and domestic peas. I assume it causes problems (as with any domestic/wild crossing), but do you know what happens when people do that? Are there any documented stories of it?

The domestic ones are not domestic like the difference between a dog and a wolf, meaning they're still basically the same animal. The biggest problem that might arise is if color morphs spread into the wild population, but they'd likely get picked off quick or fail to mate, like most color morphs in the wild. The wild versions have evolved to look like they do for a reason. There's also the problem that MOST USA blues aren't. They're spaldings, to one degree or another. And actually it's a HUGE problem in wild populations of green birds, they have sequenced that DNA and cristatus and they're finding a percentage of muticus birds have cristatus genes, likely from crossbreeding to local domestically kept freerange blues. There was at least one meeting last year that I know of that was to discuss what to even do about this, if anything can be.

That said, it would be GREAT if we could outcross domestic blues to some wild ones, in the USA, but importation from true wild birds is not legal as far as I know. The best we could hope for is someone that's kept a pure blue line with no mutations being willing to export some birds. But if we COULD snatch a few eggs and hatch some wild blues to bring in, we'd see better conformation but worse personalities. The advantage of having domesticated blues is that they're super chill with humans now. We generally don't breed the ones that show aggression and while people still breed the "flighty" ones, they are NOT flighty like wild peafowl.

I had the dubious pleasure of getting to meet some American greens a couple years ago, and even standing 60 feet away from them, they would repeatedly throw themselves at the ceiling and walls of their enclosure attempting to get away. They were just absolutely losing their minds as we walked past their pens. They wanted nothing to do with humans. Now, there are people who do a ton of work with them and raise them from babies and can get along with them alright, but just as often they're basically hands-off breeders used for "conservation" (which is KIND OF a joke since they're not considered pure at all here, they're American greens not real greens) or to make spaldings. So, you're mixing that kind of wild behavior into an animal that's domesticated... better shape, worse personality. The good news is that as a breeder you would be able to make decisions about how to prioritize breedings and holdbacks, and hopefully begin a lifelong (or perhaps several lifetimes) project of balancing the two.

[muresetivoire]

Moony × Reader

Word count: 3577 words

Genre/Warnings: Fluff/Angst

If you want you can check out some more on wattpad (:

As I ran along the corridor, late for class, I bumped into someone with a loud ouch. "I'm so sorry" "Hey its no problem, let me help you," a soft voice responded. As I reached for my potions home work, a hand brushed mine. Remus John Lupin, my rival. The only person who's intelligence rivaled mine. The person who makes my life living hell. The sweetest gum-drop to everyone, loved by all. However, I'm not "all."

"Y/N?" he asked, looking at you with those big brown eyes. "I'm fine Lupin," I respond as I grab my book from his hand. "At least let me-" "I said I'm fine." He slowly gets up, and offers me a hand. I huff and shove it as I stand. "You know I was only trying to help y-" "I'll see you in class Lupin," and with that I storm off, leaving a very confused boy.

Now you're probably wondering, what makes one hate Remus Lupin, the sweetest guy, the glory of the marauders. Well let me tell you, not much.

My mother and his were the very best of friends, there by, we became best friends. Every holiday, every weekend, every opportunity we got, we were at the Lupins. Remus and I grew close. He shared his love for reading with me, a love I always had but never felt so confidence to share with him. From fantasy to romance, I read it all, but I never shared it with him. The vulnerability I felt knowing he'd see what I enjoyed, what I loved, what I wanted, it was too much. His mum told my mum about his "illness." He thought himself a freak, a monster. He would cry about it, the pain he felt, the embarrassment of scars. To me, he was all but an angel sent from heaven, beautiful and pure.

Before we began Hogwarts, we made a promise to never leave each other's sides, to remain best of friends, no matter the houses or the circumstances. As it turned out, we weren't sorted in the same house. Everyone was shocked knowing that studious Remus was sorted in Gryffindor while me, odd-ball and awkward, was sorted in Ravenclaw. At first we were both shocked, but we kept the promise.

Until one faithful day.

Now while I never shared my love for reading with him, I did share everything else. My love for baking, knitting and potions, you name it, he knew. We shared our darkest secrets with each other. He shared his insecurities about his scars, and me my insecurity about being "fat." We made plans to open a book/tea shop, he would supply the books and I the tea, obviously. He knew everything about me, except for my reading and I knew everything about him. And for that, I loved him, but he never loved me.

In the beginning of the first year in Hogwarts, in the middle of a potions class, we were presented with amortentia. Why we were presented with such a complex potion at such a young age, I couldn't tell you. Perhaps Professor Slughorn was feeling cheeky. I smelt him in it. I smelt the soft worn out pages of the books that he read, I smelt the roses he always grew, his chocolate he always carried and something entirely him. After class, we met at the lake, our place where we'd meet and study. As I approached him, he seemed really tired, as usual, and something I thought I never imagined he would posses, anger, raw and bitter anger.

"Hey Rem, you alright?" He turned to me with puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks. "Rem oh Gods, whats wrong?" I rushed towards him and slowly wiped his tears away. "Talk to me, please," I asked softly while I wiped all evidence of tears. He looked up at me, those beautiful kind eyes, eyes that held so much emotion but always the best ones. "I don't want to talk about it," he said batting my hands away. I awkwardly fixed my glasses, "Okay well whenever you're ready, you want to start studying for our potions exam?" I began to unpack my bag when he got up, fuming. "You know what, yeah I do want to talk about it" I sat up, completely confused. "Remus?" "Y/N how is it, the one person, the one person who hates reading, detests it, passes every exam without fail? And not just passes, but tops every class. How?"

I sat there gaping, "Well I-" "Don't lie to me, don't you dare." I stood up, a feeling of anger consuming me. "What do you mean Remus? I study just like you, just like everyone." He grunted and groaned, "Stop lying to me," he screamed, "I read everyday, I study all the time, and yet you, you get all the awards, all the academic glory" I feel myself begin to heat up and tears begin to form, tears I begged not to fall. "What do you want me to say Remus? That I cheat? That- That I use spells to make me remember? Is that what you want to hear?" He stares at me, his gaze hardening. "I'll give you one chance, and one chance only, tell me the truth." I step back, gaping, confused. "I already told you Remus, I do the same as you, I study." He looks to me and says in a tone I never believed he could conjure, "Fine, if that's what you want to tell me, don't talk to me at all." "Remus you can't be serious." The tears I tried my best to hold, began to spill furiously as his words made me crumble. "Y/N, I don't ever want to talk to you, I don't want to see you, I don't want to study with you and I sure as hell-" "I smelt you in the amortentia today," I blurt surprising myself. "You what?" "I smelt you, the chocolate, the roses, your books," I say sniffling. He laughs, a cruel sarcastic laugh, "Oh really? Me? You must be joking?" I stare at him, confused and hurt. "You think I'd ever smell you, or like you. Y/N you're bloody lying to me, I could never like, or for that matter, love someone as hideous as you." My eyes begin to gush now. How dare he? The one person I trusted, my best friend. "Remus you don't-" "Oh but I do," he said while he picked up his bag and looked at me. "What about our plans?" He looks to the school, "I could never work with someone like you Y/N, I've never disliked someone as much I dislike you now." He begins to walk to the school, "Remus wait I-" "Leave me alone forever Y/N, and don't come here anymore, I have other plans here, plans that don't include you." With that, he walked away, leaving me, my tears streaming, my glasses foggy and my heart broken.

So you see, I never really hated him, but I obliged to his wishes. We never met again, he hung out with his friends, James and Sirius and Peter. As for me, I hung out with the first person I spoke to in Hogwarts, Andromeda Black. Now, Andromeda and I are two very different people, but we shared a love for potions . She knew of my love for reading, she saw me reading on my first night at Hogwarts. We became quick friends, and she soon became my best friend. She's like a sister to me, but I never did tell her about Remus.

After I left Remus on the corridor, I ran and met Andromeda in potions. "Hi dearie, saved me a seat?" She laughs and moves her bag. "Students, please note, today we will be brewing potions in pairs," the class sighs, "pairs that have already been chosen." I sigh loudly. "Cmon its not that bad, you could be paired with that cute Hufflepuff guy." We laugh softly. Remus and another guy run in and swiftly sit down. Professor Slughorn begins to call the list of pairs. "Andromeda Black and Xenophilus Lovegood," with that Andromeda groans and gets up. "Y/N Y/L/N and Remus Lupin," and my mouth fell open.

Remus came to my seat and we began to collect and prepare the potion. No one knew the potions name, only its ingredients. However, these ingredients seemed familiar but it never clicked. I felt his eyes stare through me. From the first year to the fifth year, my body didn't really change, I still remained a "fat girl" but hey I grew some boobs. Does he still think I'm hideous, I thought. I shake my head and we work in silence. "So how are you Y/N" he asks softly. Those beautiful innocent eyes stare right through me. Nope, not happening. "I'm fine Lupin" "Quite the tumble you took today, I-" "Let's just finish this okay?" He shakes his head and we work in silence. He seemed, nervous? Sad? Distressed was the word. After finishing the potion, we all gathered at the front. Dread began dawn on me as I fit the puzzle pieces together. "Now, who can tell me the name of this potion hmm?" "Amortentia , sir," I say in a soft voice.

"And Y/N can you tell me what happens when you smell this potion?" "You smell things that you like sir," I answer shakily. "Very good Miss Y/L/N, please, do us the honours of smelling the potion first." Dread fills me, but I still walk towards his desk. Please, I silently beg, please. "Well Y/N what do you smell?" I inhale the the aroma. "I smell- I," I gulp, "I smell roses, chocolate a-and books." Professor Slughorn applauded and awarded Ravenclaw 20 points and I return to my original place. I feel his eyes on me, but I only feel pain. After four years, how can I? As class is dismissed I begin to rush outside, but he grabs my hand. "Y/N please wa-" "Let go of me Lupin" "Y/N, please I-" "Lupin let go of me," I hear my voice break with emotion. He hears it too and let's me go.

Later that evening, at the brink of dusk, I sit in my room reading. Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, a favourite of mine, and one of Remus' too. I sighed and stared out the window. Its been four years Y/N, pull yourself together. Those four years were one of the most brutal years. Thank goodness for Andromeda, without her I'd be so lost and defeated. After that day where Remus and I fought, he moved on well, he was constantly surrounded by his friends and well I, I was alone. I spent my time helping Madam Pomfrey. I learnt how to conjure spells to fix injuries and how to fix bones and so on. Although Remus and I stopped speaking, I never told anyone about his "illness," but I did help make the potion to control it, Madam Pomfrey taught me how to. He didn't know this either, not that he'd care or want to talk to me or- Pull yourself together Y/N, he forgot about you, he kept his promise and you did too. I sighed and began to turn in for the night, my mind racing.

To say I avoided Remus for the next week was an understatement, I ran from him. I spotted him the corridor, I ran the other way. Saw him in class? Sat away from him. Saw him in the library or lake? I'd be gone before he could say quiditch. It hurt, but I needed to do it, our last conversation played in my head over and over again. I couldn't bear his venom again, but I missed him, but could I manage without him? Hell yes.

On the Sunday that week, I walked down the stair well of my common room, wearing a fluffy sweater and cozy joggers. It was exactly midnight and I'd gone avoiding Remus perfectly. The heavy monsoon of October interrupted my sleep, but otherwise the school was sound. I crept down and checked for anyone. No one, lovely. Now I know what you're thinking, Y/N what on earth are you doing? Its bloody midnight. Well, I'll tell you. I was going to read. Due to my hectic schedule and lack of free periods, I spent most of the day working. But at night, it was the only time I read. I grabbed my wand and made my way to the library, my footsteps muffled by the pitter patter of the rain.

As I reached the library, I sighed in relief. No hiccups on the way, thankfully. However, the scent of chocolate lingered in the air. I tensed but brushed it aside, he was here today Y/N, I said to myself. I shook my head and began to search for a new book. I gently tapped my wand against a lantern and held it. Tonight was a mellow night, I wanted some excitement, a bit of comfort. I sighed, laughing to myself as I grabbed Pride and Prejudice from the bookshelf. I made my way to my reading nook, a cozy little spot, very hard to find, between the ends of the furthest bookshelves. As I read, my eyes became droopy. Five minute won't kill me, I convinced myself. As my eyes grew heavy and began to shut, a loud crash jolted me awake.

Who on this bloody earth would be in the library at this hour, I thought to myself. I extinguished the lantern and hid between two bookshelves. I held my breath and counted silently as I heard footsteps approaching. I exhaled slowly as I heard them fade away slowly. I stood up and sighed, picking my book from the ground, making my way back to my nook. Or I would have, if it weren't for the hand that grabbed me.

I spun around and was promptly shoved against the bookshelf, a warm lean body pressing into my cold soft one. They covered my mouth but I saw no hand, their other hand trapping my hands above my head. They slowly removed their hand from my mouth, and removed their cloak. The warmest brown eyes, eyes filled with emotions I've only read about, met mine. "Remus," I exhaled in a mix of shock, hurt and relief.

He stared at me, those big thoughtful eyes watching my every move. He took his hand and fixed my glasses that slipped down. "Hi Y/N," he said softly. My heart caught in my chest and my throat felt thick with emotions. "Let go of me Lupin," despite me being a larger girl, Remus was still stronger, by a lot. "Cmon Lupin, let me go, I'll leave and you can have your private time," I begged looking into those beautiful hazel eyes. "If I let go," he whispered softly, his breath tickling my ear, as he leaned in,"will you let me talk for a minute?" My heart hammered, "Yes." He slowly let go of my hands and stepped back. I sighed with relief, and then shoved him and ran.

I ran out the library, down the hall. I heard him calling my name but my tears that streamed my face answered why I couldn't stay. After four years, I never did stop loving my- the big goof. I reached the end of the corridor and ran onto the lawn, a stitch forming in my right side. I gasped as I felt myself begin to freeze in the cold rainy night. Bloody twit used a hex on me. He approached me with a vigor and I stared at him, tears streaming, and my heart hurting.

"What the hell Remus, let me go," I gritted as I tried to move. He took my wand away and held it. "Look, I just want to talk, I'll let you go but please, please listen to me," he pleaded. How could I ever say no to that beautiful boy? I nodded as best as I could and he unfroze me, my wand still in his hand.

I stared at him, my tears flowing in torrents, just like the rain, "What do you want Remus? I did as you asked, I left you alone," I shout over the boom of thunder. He looks at me and I saw tears flowing down his face too, "Tell me the truth Y/N" "Remus I di-" "No Y/N, tell me why you wake up every night, why you sneak off to the library every night." "I-Remus b-" "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, his voice cracking, "You made everyone believe you were uninterested, bored by reading. You lied to me," I sobbed. "I didn't want you to-" "To what Y/N to judge you?" he stepped closer to me as the rain and soaked our clothes. "To what, think you a nerd? Like me?" "No I-" "Y/N is that really what you think of me, well than-" "I lied because I couldn't let myself be vulnerable around you," I say as I sob looking away, "Remus, I- I didn't want you to see what I liked or what makes me cry, or angry or happy," I sniff as thunder booms, making us both jump. "Then why did you tell Andromeda?" I gape at him, "Yeah why?" I felt my anger build up, "She found me reading one day Lupin, I don't have to explain myself to you," I huffed as I began to walk away. "I smelt you, in the amortentia," he admitted, his voice thick with emotion.

"In our first year, I smelt you," he said, stepping closer to me,"I smelt green apples, like your perfume, cookies, like what we baked, and books. Books." I stand staring at him but he continued. "I smelt you but you never told me about how you read, why you'd come to class tired, or why you stayed up all night. I thought you trust me Y/N" "I did Remus and I do," I cried, "I just couldn't afford to be vulnerable around you." "Wh-" "Because I love you Remus," he stared his mouth ajar, "I've always loved you Remus, I love that you trust me, that you showed me everything, your likes, dislikes, loves, hates, the good and bad." The thunder boomed but I continued, "I didn't tell you because I was scared Remus, it felt like sharing a piece of my heart with you, and I didn't know if I wanted to share so much, knowing that you didn't love me." I sob miserably as tears flow slowly down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry Y/N, I never meant to hurt you," he cried stepping closer to me,"I know what I said that day, and I've never forgiven myself for it," he said as be wiped his eyes, the thunder rolling. "I'm sorry and I know I hurt you, I thought you hated me," "Remus I-" "I thought you hated me and preferred Andromeda to me." "Rem, you were my best friend, and I loved- I still love you," I admit, defeated, "I didn't want to show you everything, I didn't want you to hate me." He holds my hands and intertwined our fingers, "How could I hate you when you're my love?" he asked, as he crashed his lips to mine.

My eyes widened but I slowly melted into his embrace. He dropped my hands and pulled me in gasping softly. His hands wrapped around my waist and mine, tangled in his chocolate locks. I never felt such passion, such emotion, emotions I only read about. I felt tingling sensations stretch across my body but his touch soon soothed it. He pulled away slowly, both of us gasping for air. "I've always loved you Y/N," he said as he pulled me close, his hands wrapped around my waist,"I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm so-," I silence him kissing him softly, "It's okay Rem, I would have probably gotten mad too," I said sniffling. He chuckled stroking the small of my back. "Well, I think of a way I can make it up to you." "Oh?" I sniffle as I look at my beautiful boy. "Y/N, you are the love of my life, I love, love, love you," he holds my chin and and makes me look up at him. Raindrops and tears mixed and fell down both of our faces. "Be my girlfriend, and maybe one day-maybe one-," I kiss him and he sighs, relieved. "Yes Rem, I'll be your girlfriend."

He hugs me and kisses my forehead. We hold hands and walk in the rain, talking and laughing. "So how on earth did you know that I read in the night?" I ask him. He laughs and pulls us into the corridor, sopping. He shows me the marauders map and explains it. "I'm sorry I spied on you," he apologised blushing. He held my hand and led me back to my common room. When we reached, I turned to him. "Thank you for the walk Rem, I'll see you in class today?" He smiles his signature gorgeous grin, "How about we skip today?" I laugh and I kiss him, "Whatever you want Rem, Whatever you want."

[motownfiction]

1-5, 33-36 for steph and will

interesting combination 👀 perhaps i will force them to hang out in a scene soon

for ✨steph✨

1. what common traits do you share with your oc? what about them is the least like you?

i actually think steph is the character i'm least like, weirdly enough. but as for what we have in common, i think it's what we both know exactly what we want, and we find a way to make it happen. steph is much more interested in the physical, material, and experiential world than i am, though. i'm like lucy, who's more interested in the philosophical world 😉

2. do you think you would get along with your oc if you could meet them? what things would you talk about?

i would hope to get along with steph, even though we're very different! she's so nice. i think it would depend on how old we both were when we met. if i were the age i am today (27) meeting steph at the age she is today (55), i think we'd get along swimmingly. we'd talk about art history and music and dancing. but if we met, and we were both, like, 16 or 17, i might find her really annoying just on principle.

3. how competent would your oc be in a survival situation? would they be better off on their own or in a group?

steph would be very competent in a survival situation. she is very aware of her surroundings, and as an artist, she is both handy and crafty with whatever materials are put out in front of her. i think she'd fare just as well alone as she would in a group, but she's more likely to forge her own path even if she's in a larger group. she is the outsider, after all!

4. is your oc a daredevil, or more of a scaredy cat? what is the most daring thing they’ve done in their life?

steph is most definitely on the daring side, which i love for her. probably the most daring thing she's ever done, though, is admit how she feels about katie. she was so scared to do that, but once she did, her life was better than it had ever been.

5. what is your oc’s patience like? when waiting for something, are they able to sit still or do they fidget? how do they fidget?

steph is not a patient person, but she wishes she was. she wants things to happen right now, immediately, in exactly the way she wants them. she will wait, but it will almost kill her with boredom. she's definitely a fidgeter. a knee bouncer, i'd assume.

33. what five objects or things could be expected to be found on your oc’s person at any time? why?

her ID (in case someone wants to flatter her by carding her), a travel size bottle of lotion (so she can be smooth and smell good), her house keys (she's terrified of losing them), tic tacs (specifically the orange ones because they remind her a little of her favorite slurpees), and her keychain for a free frosty at wendy's (mostly because she thinks it looks really cute).

34. does your oc have a pet? if they could have another one or if they were to get one, what would it be? how well could they care for it?

i don't think steph has a pet! she might be the kind of kid who won a goldfish at the parish festival over the summer, but then her mom made her give it away 😭

35. does your oc have any distinguishing markings? scars, tattoos, birthmarks, freckles, etc?

steph's upper lip is turned up a bit. i feel like she has some minor scars on her arms and legs from adventures gone wrong, too.

36. what is your oc’s fight or flight response like? what sorts of things provoke it the most?

steph has a fight response, and she's typically provoked by the potential loss of something important to her. like when sam breaks up with her (all 900 times from 1985-2002), she tries with all might to get him to stay.

for ✨will✨

1. what common traits do you share with your oc? what about them is the least like you?

will and i are both pretty insecure about whether or not we matter to the rest of the world. we're afraid people won't think we're cool or interesting, which we make up for with a lot of bravado and cockiness, even in front of the people who love us the most. but similar to steph, i think will is a lot more comfortable in the physical realm than i am. he isn't afraid to climb the rope in gym, you know? he knows he won't fall.

2. do you think you would get along with your oc if you could meet them? what things would you talk about?

bestie you know what you're asking 🖤 like. ok. if will and i met when we were teenagers, he is the kind of guy who would have had a crush on me. guys like will always have a crush on me. and like lucy (sort of), i would have assumed his affections were part of a cosmic joke because why would someone who isn't afraid to climb the rope be into me? but if we met today, at the ages we are (27 and 55), i think i would think he was a really nice guy. i'd really admire the way he loves his wife and daughters. and he'd think there was something really fond and familiar about me, though he wouldn't be able to quite place it LMAO

3. how competent would your oc be in a survival situation? would they be better off on their own or in a group?

similar to steph, will would be very competent in a survival situation. he understands his physical reality and spatial relations better than most people, so he'd be able to engineer some important materials. he would be better in a group, though. he's motivated by the desire to help others, but he also needs lucy to delegate tasks to him. it's a give-and-take.

4. is your oc a daredevil, or more of a scaredy cat? what is the most daring thing they’ve done in their life?

will is in between these two categories! he is afraid of everything, but he does it, anyway. to will, the risk is always worth it. the most daring thing he's ever done is swipe the millennium falcon from the toy aisle at k-mart, of course.

5. what is your oc’s patience like? when waiting for something, are they able to sit still or do they fidget? how do they fidget?

my sweet will honestly believes he's the most patient person who ever lived. he thinks he waited forever for lucy to fall in love with him. ten years, he says. i waited ten years. what he refuses to acknowledge, of course, is that for a good seven or eight of those years, romantic attraction was kind of off the table for both of them. will isn't patient because will has never had to exercise patience a day in his life. and on those rare occasions when he does? he paces like a fool. i love him

33. what five objects or things could be expected to be found on your oc’s person at any time? why?

his ID (for fear he will die in a disaster, and no one will be able to tell lucy and the girls), a pen (in case he has to draw up a makeshift contract on a napkin), a swiss army knife (to remind himself that he is masculine, thank you very much!), bubblegum (because he is also a stereotypical six-year-old in a pinafore), and his phone (that's where the pictures of his family are!)

34. does your oc have a pet? if they could have another one or if they were to get one, what would it be? how well could they care for it?

will wasn't allowed to have a pet as a child because his parents had six kids and not enough space for an animal. by the time he and lucy had their own place, he still didn't have a pet because lucy and the girls are a little afraid of animals. will is OK with this. he's neutral on the concept of pets.

35. does your oc have any distinguishing markings? scars, tattoos, birthmarks, freckles, etc?

please do not make me admit, on national tumblrvision, that will has heterochromia, even though i guess he technically does.

36. what is your oc’s fight or flight response like? what sorts of things provoke it the most?

will has a fight response, and it gets him into trouble because he literally starts throwing hands. if you make fun of his wife or one of his insecurities, he's coming for you!

[oceanera12]

Sylvie should not have been a Loki-Variant, Change my Mind

Soo...

I have some problems with the Loki series.

Don't get me wrong, it's a fun show to watch and I enjoyed it (for the most part) but there is one specific thing that I have a major problem with:

And it's how they decided to portray/use Sylvie.

Because LET ME TELL YOU-- She should not be a Loki-variant. Heck, her character isn't even BASED on Loki.

Sylvie is based on this gal right here, The Enchantress (who is usually named Amora, but there is also another version of her running around whose name is-- wait for it-- Sylvie Lushton)

Heck, Sylvie even "enchants" people, which is what "The Enchantress" is kind of known for. Sylvie is very serious in the show, with no "joking" or "mischievous" side, and yes you could make the argument that she's had that stomped out of her because SURVIVAL. But I'll raise you a "Loki makes jokes/messes with his opponents when he's defeated or taken prisoner by literally everyone." And Yes, I know they made her different because of the Character dynamic but it's one of those things that I don't think she should have been a Loki variant. At all.

Now, me being me, this was something that bugged me so tremendously, I tried to figure out how I would have personally introduced/changed Sylvie into something a little more... well, not a Loki variant.

Here's what I came up with:

Let's start with the show setup: it would basically go the same with Loki getting taken by the TVA, recruited to fight a variant Loki, figure out where the Variant is hiding, etc, etc.

We'd still have the whole "hood reveal-- GASP, A WOMAN"

But said woman doesn't just run away without a word. Instead, she holds out a hand and says something along the lines of "if you want to live, then come with me."

Loki being, well, Loki, is extremely curious and goes along with her.

The episode would end with Loki asking who she is, and she gives him this surprised look. "Sylvie."

Loki: ... *confused look* "I thought you were a Loki-variant."

Sylvie: *also confused* "...Do you really not remember me?"

The episode ends with the two staring at one another then cuts to credits.

The next episode is different from the rest of the series because it is a flashback episode to Loki's childhood. Without going too crazy on the details, Loki had a childhood friend named Sylvie. The two of them bonded over having magical abilities and would get into trouble together. They'd go places they were not supposed to go and such. One day they went to such a place and something bad happens. I'm thinking giant monster attack or something similar. Loki and Sylvie get into big trouble and Sylvie gets into a difficult position and she screams for help.

Then there is this moment where we have a timeline split with the following two scenarios:

In the first scenario, Loki leaves Sylvie behind and saves himself (this is Loki's timeline). A few days later, the Asgardians pulled Sylvie's dead body out of the place they were not supposed to be. Loki never comes forward about how he left her and everyone just assumes that Sylvie got herself killed by going into the forbidden place alone. Young Loki feels guilty about leaving Sylvie to die, but he forces himself to forget about her and convinces himself that if he hadn't left her, then he would have died (this is kind of the start of Loki leaving people/betraying people who are his friends and family.)

In the second scenario, Loki hesitates but ends up going to help Sylvie. Both of them make it out of the dangerous area alive, but Loki is badly injured and ends up dying from his wounds shortly after they escape. Sylvie takes his body back to Asgard, basically knowing that it's her fault he's dead and she is going to be punished for it. However, Odin and Freya both see Loki's death as a heroic one, as he went back to protect his friend, despite the fact that both of them were not supposed to be in that area. In other words, Loki died a warrior's death and will be received into Valhalla, which is a comfort to them both. Sylvie (who I forgot to mention is another orphan that was just being raised in the Asgardian equivalent of an orphanage) is not exactly "adopted", but she is taken in by Odin and Freya, to honor their son's sacrifice. In turn, Sylvie takes on the name "Loki" as a second name to honor her friend. It is perhaps a year or so after this event, the TVA shows up and wipes out the timeline (I justify this because if Sylvie in the show is not supposed to be a girl and that's her "crime against the timeline" then she should have been taken by the TVA when she was born). Since Sylvie has taken on Loki's name, she is technically a "Loki" variant, which explains the whole "Loki variant" is behind all of the disturbances.

Now, I would personally play this Sylvie with a different personality. So Sylvie in this version is less in the REVENGE route and more in the SURVIVAL state of mind. Her entire goal is to survive. And if that means taking out the TVA to do that, then so be it. She's been planning this for years and everything was going according to plan, but then the TVA brought in a variant Loki.

Now, Sylvie knows that this Loki isn't HER Loki. But she doesn't know what Loki did to her in the normal timestream. She thinks that maybe she was strong enough to get both of them out or maybe Loki and her managed to both escape. In her mind, Loki is her friend and basically the closest thing she ever had to family. So even if this Loki isn't her Loki, she's going to try and help him survive.

Sylvie explains all of this to Loki, who is now feeling a tad guilty about leaving his Sylvie to die, but also feels a bit justified since he clearly would have died if he had gone back for her. Loki being Loki lies to Sylvie about what happened to her, basically painting a tale where Sylvie died the heroes death in his world, and the name had caught him off guard since his Sylvie was dead and he did not know how she would look grown up.

The show continues on, the main focus on Loki and Sylvie's relationship being more friendly on Sylvie's part, with Loki slowly feeling more and more guilty about lying to Sylvie. Especially when this Sylvie basically swears to him that she is not going to watch another Loki die.

Sylvie is very determined and focused, like she is in the show. She is still distrustful of people, EXCEPT for Loki (my reasoning behind this is even though he's the God of Mischief and such, Loki promised Sylvie when they were little that he would never lie to her. And that was a promise Loki had kept... until meeting Variant Sylvie).

Meanwhile, Loki has the internal conflict over him basically killing his own Sylvie, especially as he grows to really like the very-much-alive Sylvie. Here is all the flirty scenes and such. Loki probably decides at some point that he is going to try and make it up what he did to his Sylvie, by deciding to keep this Sylvie safe and happy.

Most of the show continues on pretty much the same, with the big climactic fight at the end except for one difference:

Kang the Conquerer or whoever the kriff that guy was, reveals to Sylvie what happens to her in literally every. Single. Timeline. Except hers.

So that Sylvie vs Loki fight in the show, is now a legitimate Sylvie vs. Loki fight. Loki, at this point, was probably planning on telling her the truth, but creepy not-the-watcher-but-kind-of-the-watcher dude beat him to it.

Loki tries to apologize to her, convince her it's a bad idea to kill this guy, and all that stuff, but it's too little too late. She decides to spare him, out of respect for her Loki but basically tells him that if he ever shows his face to her again, she will kill him. Then she shoves Loki through the portal, kills the creepy dude, and proceeds to drop to her knees and sob because the one person in the world that she thought would have her back, did not.

Now, Loki is determined to keep his promise he made to himself about keeping this Sylvie safe and happy, even if that means she is going to kill him if he returns and that is his mindset going into Season 2.

And that's all I've got at the moment since Season 2 hasn't come out yet. I shared this with my Padawan and my boyfriend and both were extremely interested in it so I thought I'd share it on here.

((Also, now I don't feel weird about shipping these two because I'M SORRY shipping a variant of the same person is just... weird. I can't do it without feeling weird, okay???))

[pathogenic]

What's funny is I often end up having way more in common with my OCs than I intend. Cali, Anabell, Jules, and Harriet under the cut.

Cali

I started to make him by centering him on the folk punk music I like. Since we went into the game knowing it was going to be an all Toreador game focused on the Mac, I decided to give him an art style I knew very little about to have an excuse to go do a deep dive on it. Now I have something of a taste for abstract sculpting and artwork that tries to engage with the senses beyond sight.

Tragically, Cali also appears to have predicted what my transition is looking like. As I sit here with my flat cap with hair that is overdue for a haircut, I know all I need is the stubble and I'm there. Hell, I just got a new set of suspenders a few weeks ago. I designed the man roughly 4 years ago - this is ridiculous

But would we get along? Oh good lord no. We'd scrap almost instantly, he's a prick with shit morals.

Anabell

Anabell and I both have our faiths and we both tend to overwork ourselves, but I think that's about where the similarities end. Initially she was a nice way for me to explore my own attraction to women and to help navigate if I was or was not a lesbian. It's more complicated than that, but she was a nice shelter for a bit.

I think we could get along to be fair. She is a very reasonable person and while she can get shortsighted when she is close to her goal, I might be able to even her out and help prevent her from self destruction for a chance to become human.

Beyond that, I think if she were still alive, she'd probably be some cool older lesbian I'd go to for advice. We'd grab coffee and bullshit for a bit.

Jules

Jules and I share a lot of music and fashion sense as they were designed after the 90s grunge movement as someone who was THERE. They moved out to New Orleans to get a fresh start though and ended up falling in with the metal crowd there and meeting their partner. They are more on the quiet side, they have a strange relationship with gender, they would kill for their friends. We share quite a bit.

This is one of my Kindred I'd be besties with in a heartbeat. Please please please let me hang around that sick record store Jules, I beg of you. I'd also get along with their partner Lloyd. I'd probably end up being a third wheel going to concerts though.

Harriet

Well! We both like the occult and we're curious to the point of routinely finding trouble, but I'm afraid that is where our similarities end! Harriet is perhaps the furthest from me in terms of characters I have and it makes her a fascinating challenge to play.

We would not get along. While she does not deserve the relationship she currently finds herself in with a controlling and abusive husband, she is still very much a haughty Victorian lady of a Ventrue. She is blueblooded and she intends to flex that power over others to get what she wants. While she has moments where she thinks better of this (usually thanks to members of her Coterie), she's not a great person!

We'll see how time shapes her and if she loses status and is forced to see the world in a different way, but at the moment? Yeesh.

Does your OC have things in common with you? If you were to meet, do you think you would get along?

Check pinned post for event details.

[maiapattinson]

JUST FEEL IT//Chapter 16

⎯Sometimes I think that you only exist in my head, that all this is irregular!⎯I say walking through the park in Los Angeles

⎯Just thinking that if our mothers didn't meet we'd never be here together, well, I don't know if I'd leave London to go to Brazil⎯ he replies laughing

⎯I love your way of laughing at everything, and I wouldn't leave Brazil to find you without knowing who you were either. Perhaps it was our fate that this happened⎯ we sat under a tree in the shade.

I was getting too tired in the routine, three months of pregnancy had passed and we ended up confirming that it was a boy. My family is in love with the news or little part of it, Rob finally and officially cast his vote straight and told the media that he had found out I was pregnant. It's a strange but cool thing, an experience for a lifetime, a fetus inside me that's for sure strange.

It's also refreshing to have our family, even if only now we're something. We decided that we are now boyfriends as teenagers, it's weird to go through but it's amazing to feel those butterflies in your stomach, having his affection is special. The baby really seems to like it and so do I, after the words and the report I told him I got a little better, I kept thinking and I still am.

A person makes mistakes throughout life. Robert is increasingly happy with his movie fame and now father fame, all the headlines and magazines tagged him as: "dad of the year".

My parents came to Los Angeles to see how I was doing, and they get along well and don't fight so much. I don't want it around the baby, whether Rob and I have anything or not it will affect the baby.

Now we go for walks in the park and in the streets, Clare is already excited about the clothes, Victoria wants to get a tattoo in honor of her nephew and he's still inside me. Lizzy is excited about everything she plans on how to help with the birth.

I don't like all this attention, but my baby needs it, I'm 32 years old, this pregnancy can go wrong and how can I do it?.

⎯Baby, today your mother is more beautiful than usual⎯Robert says with his head on my belly⎯I wanted to send you a text with a picture of her,your mother is so beautiful.

⎯Marcos she said that he may still be graduating and is not listening to you.

⎯Likewise son you are Batman's son do you know what that means?⎯he expects an answer⎯That's it!

⎯Are you using some kind of substance?⎯He looks at me and I smile⎯You are the son of actor Robert Pattinson.

⎯And from Y/n Arantes, the most beautiful and hot woman in the world, son⎯he talks kissing her belly without anything since she was showing⎯Harry, a beautiful baby

⎯What about names?⎯I glance at him⎯No names yet and Harry is very outdated⎯I justify

⎯My name is Douglas, Prince Harry Philippe Arantes Pattinson. He loved it!

⎯Or we can call him Edward, it's a nice name and it still has my great-grandfather.⎯ I caress his hair

⎯Nananinano, let's choose in a while. Edward no!⎯ he exclaims too loudly drawing the attention of paparazzi

⎯Ready Edward!⎯I tell him while the cameras are on⎯It's weird being in front of the cameras and not behind, well I've seen a lot behind the scenes with you.

⎯I remember you calling me "dead ced" in Harry Potter's dressing rooms, not to mention the twilight one!⎯he says and I laugh this time

⎯First: I laugh at your frown and that extra careful topknot, you jumping out of a tree, you were too crazy!

⎯His books that are, a menage between 5 people written in full detail. I as a man got extremely excited by your writing⎯ he speaks and I kiss your forehead

⎯ You are a very sexual inspiration, but certainly writing that left me with a lot of dark circles. To this day I lose sleep⎯yawn

⎯ We can go if you want, your parents are there waiting for us and waiting for this beautiful baby.

⎯ Let's meet some friends?, I don't know, we are boyfriends and boyfriends have their friends. I can call Kristen, Nikki, Ashley and you boys, what do you think?

⎯Why don't we just call the most connected, well, Noah and Anna on your side and mine⎯ he suggests

⎯ Do you still have feelings for Kristen? or Suki? ⎯ I take a deep breath waiting for the answer

⎯FRIEND⎯Someone says in Portuguese⎯YOUR GIRLFRIEND!

⎯Anna!?⎯I see the brunette coming towards me and Rob helps me up and I run to her⎯Fuck, what are you doing here!?

⎯I came to see you, well, Brazil is boring with this pandemic⎯she explains⎯Well Alex is with Maria in the park over there, I came to see you by surprise.

⎯Motherfucker you are, you'd better talk to me so I would have found something for you⎯she looks at me sideways and Rob hugs me from behind⎯Oh Anna you already know him.

⎯Ah, I know her very well⎯laugh⎯My daughter wasn't even 2 years old and you put a doll on my friend, you're really cool!

⎯Look how silly you are Anna⎯rio⎯The belly is still showing, call Alex and Maria to stay at my house I beg you.

⎯ We can't, we still have to see Alex's parents and you who get along well with your in-laws, the prejudiced people⎯ she says⎯ But now I have to go, but I'll fix it at your house I promise⎯ hug me

⎯I really hope, and Alex's parents don't waste time, let them get used to seeing a couple of different races⎯I reply

⎯Thanks friend, now bye baby from Auntie and Rob⎯ she says goodbye and goes

⎯ Let's get some rest, right?

⎯Let's go to the beach please!⎯I ask him to put his strong arms over me.

[iammamenow]

🔮Dream Snippet💤

This Evening: 'Karl Satan', featuring Misha Collins

My friend and I are avid metalheads. So much so, in fact, that we concluded that if we'd have known each other before our officially meeting in college, we would've led drastically different lives for the better. Our music tastes made us the quintessential outcasts throughout our childhood, in our differently placed yet all too similar environments of the unforgiving grammar school setting. And if we'd have been together, instead of rebelling alone? Hell. We would've been fucking merciless; scaring off all those who tried to subdue us with 'Slipknot'.

Luckily, we didn't miss each other entirely. It was she that managed to get tickets to our local Knotfest, and since then we've practically been inseparable. We have a whole list of other acts we NEED to see. Jinjer, Cherry Bombs, System of A Down... Killswitch Engage is one of the more recent ones added to the list.

And it keeps on building from there.

Blame the die-hard fan in me, but I even go so far as to dream of the concerts we'll see, and the bands that'll be headlining it. Very rarely is it ever as detailed with the opening number.

So you can only imagine my surprise when this little nightly fantasy in particular came in and dropped kick the bomb on me from up close instead of merely from up high.

Because as much as I love metal, Supernatural comes in at a very, very close second.

Onto the dream! That way you'll see what I mean.

My friend and I are already at the venue. We gave up the idea of seats and smuggled our way into the nearest pit where there was already a circle forming, whirling in rhythm to the revving up of the amps testing out the guitars. It had been years since I'd been in one. I jump in, just in time for the wave that comes our way. My friend decides to watch from the sidelines. To my chaotic, she is the zen. Even at a metal concert, where we both inevitably lose our shit, but in our own way.

Soon the tests of chords cease from the guitars, the rhythmic hits from each individual drum and symbol cut. That long drone of bassy silence fills the entire place with that unsaid but solid presence of a queue - someone's about to go on.

The crowd cheers. My friend and I - along with the whole circle pit - turn to look at the stage and do the same. Naturally. No matter who's up there, you cheer. It's a metal concert, for Satan's sake. More than likely, every fucking band is gonna knock your ass out. I haven't been proven wrong if that yet.

And I certainly wasn't in my dream.

The five souls that come walking across the stage are oh so gothically dressed, it warms my heart to it's original sad core. The drama in the abundance of buckles, glinting a brilliant gold in the overhead stage lights; then the overall theatricality of the fact that their whole theme just mirrors that of my favorite horror movie 'Hellraiser' and it's main antagonists, The Cenobites. I was ready. I was waiting, already wanting the onslaught of their sound that I just knew had to be fucking brutal. I mean look at the way they're dressed! We were in for it.

Oh, we were.

I was.

The one stopping in front of the mic had an elaborate coverall mask on, save for the bottom half of his face. And when he took it off to reveal the rest of it, everyone cried out in bloody shock and praise.

I just went quiet.

My friend yelled out for me the "holy SHIT" that was already on my lips and screeching in my head when the now unmasked figure introduced himself as none other than the angel in a trenchcoat. The man that plays him, that is.

Misha Collins

I couldn't tune out the world around me if I tried. I didn't want to. Not even if I was in absolute shock. I do not allow myself to fade off into some haze or other ethereal realm when it comes to events like this. I want to be there, in that moment; one that I made it all this way for. For all concerts generally. For metal concerts specifically.

I just need to be there. All there.

And man, in that moment, was I fucking glad I was.

After making himself known, Misha turns to the band and introduces them as 'Karl Satan'. I know there was a deeper joke in there, i just know it. But I was too busy laughing at the name alone to even dissect it any further. Frankly, so was the audience. Such a hearty chorus brought a smile to Misha's lips.

As he readied the mask to be put back on again, he made one final claim as himself to say that he formed this cover band to try his hand at "this music shtick", just like the rest of his cast mates from the show. Personally, I never had any doubt that he had something like this in his artillery; something akin to a band or music act. But like this? Hell no. Hell. No! Hence making it all the more lovely of a surprise.

With that, the mask went back on, and he sent a nod the drummers way before the lights faded out, leaving us in an anticipating darkness. Almost as quickly as it set in for us did it get fucking shot with the sharp bash of the symbols, joined by the aftershocks of the snares.

It's starting. Holy fuck, it's starting!

The rhythm was classic, dangerously revving up to what you could literally taste to be a sweet drop. Above all, it was familiar. My friend and I were in perfect sync with Misha, when through the mask he screamed through gnashed teeth:

"THE YEARS I PUT INTO THIS!!"

His leadership was seamless; effortless. Without question, you would believe that he had done this before. With the headbangs intertwined in the thrumming veins of both the percussive guitar riff and the drums, he would channel his power back and forth. First he would go, then the audience.

The circle pit was a whole world of it's own. No. It was a black hole, sucking in other fans who caught a glance at it, and soon as they did, wanted to join the fray. I even got my friend to come in and join me in the air, where they hoisted me up once the center of the circle started to disappear with the amount of people swallowing up all the empty space. We were floating orbs in this fanatic atmosphere. Two circulating asteroids in the midst of a hailstorm of meteors, heading straight for the center our universe - the stage.

It was fucking AMAZING.

And so utterly filled with Misha-esque quips of humor and theatricality, making it feel all the more REAL. For example, as the opening number progressed, he would add little bits of harsh criticism of his own voice and caliber of scream. Then after the next song, he would transition with a story on how he auditioned to play a demon for Supernatural in the first place, and has since taken the rejection hard. "Can you tell? I started singing about it! Singing? Screaming? You get the idea. Yeah, you get it. I know you do". He then laughs suddenly, throwing his head back. He brings the mic up to follow that of his mouth, facing skyward. "Wait, wait! How shitty would it be if I would've actually gotten that fucking role if I'd have just done THIS?! Just SCREAM AT THEM?!" Like second nature does his Castiel voice come out. He even took of the mask again so that he could throw on the whole audience that quintessential doe eyed gaze of the angel's, complete with the head tilt. "Would you call me an angel then, Dean?" His own guffaw, bringing Misha back. "There you go. That's how Cas got his voice. He kept screaming into the void *Castiel voice* and came back out with this... As for the others, I can't speak for them. They wanna speak two octaves below their normal voice, who am I to say anything? Trick question. I'm the one who can't say anything because I'm too busy getting a sore throat all the time. Thanks, Cas. Love you, too. That bitch".

Forget what I said. AMAZING doesn't cut it. It was fucking GOLD.

And above all, it was a fucking DREAM.

I woke up eventually, and here I am three or so days later writing about it, still reeling from it.

I have only to conclude that the two things that make me happy are what seems to be a mirror with it's two sides, representing one thing in the reflection: the one thing that made me happy back then, and the one that makes me happy now.

I thought I had to outgrow one. Just like I think currently that I'll soon have to outgrow the other.

But do I? Do I really?

They go so well together.

Perhaps the real question is, what if they both don't wanna leave?

[thelostnymphaeum]

Sick and twisted, and very, very sad.

Entry: 001

// Literature & Film //

Book: Call Me By Your Name

Author: André Aciman

Year: 2007

Movie: Call Me By Your Name

Director: Luca Guadagnino

Year: 2017

———

The film “Call Me By Your Name” caused ripples when it came out; that I remember, but was hesitant to see the movie, primarily because it was an area of love that I have never dabbled in, hence, there was no interest on my side to see it. But after being a fond spectator of Timothée Chalamet’s works (and the way he pleaded on Jimmy Fallon to watch the movie), I decided to go see it. And upon watching it, I believe it’s probably one of the best love stories to be ever brought to life on film.

Elio and Oliver.

It was a love story about Elio and Oliver.

And I have been crying for three days now upon finishing the book.

SOULMATES & PARALLEL LIVES

“We had the stars, you and I. And this is given once only.”

And by calling each other by their names, it meant that they were one and the same. You are me and I am you. Parce que c’etait lui, parce que c’etoit moi.

The greatest love stories are the ones that are most tragic. Maybe because pain only makes it more hopeful — or perhaps, more humane and divine at the same time.

The concept of parallel lives in the story deeply touched me. It is not always with our soulmates that we end up with, but somewhere, in a parallel universe, our love story can continue with them. Maybe the author wrote it to give a sense of hope. If you think about it, how many people has sacrificed their feelings because life tends to get in the way? Being with the one you choose isn’t necessarily the easiest path to take. That is why when we see someone getting married and we see their love, we congratulate them and we cry at weddings. Because those are rare. And very few get the chance to experience them.

The sting of young love is never easy to heal or to mend. In Elio’s mind, who was he, a teenage boy in Italy, have nothing to offer him, have nothing to give him, and there’s nothing he can do about it. Oliver had a life of his own before meeting him and would continue to live on once summer is over. He was an accomplished man with a career, can he turn his back on all of that because he fell in love with a young man during the summer? Life is not just black and white, choices are not easy to make, and mayhaps, there are cases when love is not the remedy.

ELIO & OLIVER

One of my favorite aspect of the story was how stark the contrast was between Elio and Oliver in handling heartbreak and lost love. Elio loved a certain version of Oliver, the one he first met somewhere in Italy, the first man he ever loved, the one whom he sought so hard for when he was seventeen. He tried so hard to preserve that Oliver, and he was not willing to taint it with reality. He held on to it throughout the years, maybe because he felt that it was the only way to allow their love to live on, or perhaps he felt marooned by him when he left that summer. He did not try to reach him when they fell out of touch. That is why in the book, he describes themselves as much as “unreal and spectral” because it seemed so far away, and so hopeless.

“Over the years I'd lodged him in the permanent past, my pluperfect lover, put him on ice, stuffed him with memories and mothballs like a hunted ornament confabulating with the ghost of all my evenings. I'd dust him off from time to time and then put him back on the mantelpiece. He no longer belonged to earth or to life. All I was likely to discover at this point wasn't just how distant were the paths we'd taken, it was the measure of loss that was going to strike me--a loss I didn't mind thinking about in abstract terms but which would hurt when stared at in the face, the way nostalgia hurts long after we've stopped thinking of things we lost and may never have cared for.”

On the other hand, Oliver continued on loving Elio even after that summer. When Elio visited him fifteen years later, he was surprised on how much Oliver kept track of his career. He kept the postcard from his bedroom in the office for everyone to see. He invited him to meet his family. He tried to incorporate his own Elio to the “real life” he has now. In the movie, it was said by Oliver:

“The meaning of the river flowing is not that all things are changing so that we cannot encounter them twice, but that some things stay the same only by changing.”

He can only continue to love him if he accepted all the changes that come along in their lives. He’d rather have a piece of Elio in him than none at all. He did not preserve him the way that Elio did with him, he tried to integrate him into his current now. The continuation of their lives apart was not because they must not meet again, but because their love can only grow through that way.

They never said the three cursed words in the book. It was Oliver who spoke of it in the most beautiful way in the end, while they were having dinner fifteen years later; and it was this line that made me sob like a lunatic.

“Cor cordium. Heart of hearts. I’ve never said anything truer to anyone in my life.”

It ripped my heart into pieces. It was the unveiling of the very fact that Oliver never forgot, he always carried Elio in his life throughout the years, because he did not just love him, he was his heart of hearts. In the book he says, “Whatever happens between us, Elio, I just want you to know. Don’t ever say you didn’t know.” Oliver’s character came off as dismissive and aloof which drove Elio towards him and made him ballistic at the same time. And when he finally says that to him, fifteen years later, all of Elio’s uncertainties and anxieties of what he meant to Oliver were washed away. It was then he knew. It was then he knew it was always true - and is continuing to be true. Oliver may have his own life now, he may love his wife, he may love his kids, but his love for Elio transcends all, even if they may be apart.

I think I’m more of an Elio than an Oliver. Because I’m young, petty and immature - just kidding / or not. Don’t judge Elio too harshly please, he was young and naive (and full of raging hormones during the summer).

FILM SENTIMENTS

I absolutely loved the movie. Timothée Chalamet is the greatest actor of his generation and his performance in this film deserved him his Oscar nomination. He did a lot of improv while filming which made the scenes look more fluid and natural. So much talent. Armie Hammer was the perfect person to be the movie star “Ulliva”. There was undeniable chemistry between the two of them. Luca did such a wonderful job as well, the film came out as beautiful, romantic and artistic that showed a love so endearing that I was not able to move on from watching it for about a month (last time I felt this was with “Titanic”). James Ivory, the screenwriter, deserved his Academy Award for this; you’re never too old to reach your dreams indeed.

No matter what happens, we will always have that summer in northern Italy.

————

Zwischen Immer und Nie.

Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/album/7K0x1O9gqMQlDwbMkyCCIM?si=2TDMTF8XRIKHq_lUc-mXqQ

[aion-rsa]

Marvel's What If: The Stories We'd Like to See

https://ift.tt/2HjKQlR

The new animated series will show us alternate takes on the Marvel Cinematic Universe's timeline. Here are scenarios for every Marvel movie.

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This Marvel article contains spoilers.

When Disney+ hits, one of the many shows tying into the Marvel Cinematic Universe is What If, set to be on-demand in summer 2021. The show will be animated, albeit using many of the actors from the various MCU movies. Based on the What If comic series, which was created in the '70s, the anthology series has a pretty basic concept: take an important part of Marvel history, zig when the original story zagged, and then write a story out of that.

For instance, the comic had an issue where Spider-Man saw the thief who would eventually kill Uncle Ben run by and figured that stopping him would be good PR. He unknowingly saved Uncle Ben’s life in this scenario, but he didn’t learn any major lesson about power and responsibility. Instead, he became a more self-centered ass whose ego was so out of hand as a media personality that he caused a disgraced J. Jonah Jameson to found the Sinister Six as a revenge ploy.

In the case of the new animated series, the stories will be based on the movies’ continuity. So far, we know that one of them will be about Agent Carter receiving the super-soldier serum treatment instead of Steve Rogers.

That got me thinking about what other stories we can get from the movies. I’ve decided to take every Marvel movie and brainstorm a What If scenario that would work for each. Play along at home! It’s fun!

IRON MAN

What If Tony Stark Died?

The story of the movie ends where it should have begun. Tony Stark and his military entourage are under attack and a bomb goes off near Stark. The shrapnel cuts too close to his heart and there’s nothing that can be done. Obadiah Stane takes over the company. Maybe Pepper, Happy, and/or Rhodey investigate and take him down. Maybe not.

What’s important is that Iron Man can no longer be the focal point of the MCU. Presumably, things are going to get really, really bad. Especially with that time the High Council tried to nuke New York City. Then again, greedy as he is, Stane would be on Earth’s side during that conflict and could probably at least lend some kind of hand.

In a world without Stark, I can’t help but think of what all those villains created BECAUSE of Stark would be like. Imagine Loki conquering Earth and being undone by the likes of Stane, Vanko, Killian, Vulture, and Mysterio. Not Hammer, though. He’d still be a total weasel and would try to betray them at the first attempt.

INCREDIBLE HULK

What If Abomination Joined the Avengers?

A plot thread the MCU movies played with briefly before writing it off in a Blu-ray short was the idea of The Incredible Hulk's Emil Blonsky being roped into joining the Avengers. Obviously, he ended up getting nixed because he kind of went on a big rampage through Harlem, but maybe if things went down differently, he would be found less accountable...at least in the beginning.

Before Bruce Banner gets his treatment from Sterns, he might find out about all the horrible experiments he was working on and that would set off the Hulk. A surviving Sterns would still gladly transform Blonsky, only this time Blonsky would be seen as a hero for putting his body on the line so he can bring down the Hulk. With the military behind him, he’s able to win and keeps his dark side in check enough that he’s able to work with the government and be their personal weapon of mass destruction.

The way I see it, this could go very wrong during the events of Avengers. The team is going to be at each other’s throats as is, but in the original version, they were still good people. When there’s a psychopath in the midst, this can only end badly.

Poor Cap, finding out that this guy is his legacy.

IRON MAN 2

What If Iron Man Wanted to Avenge His Father?

When in doubt, go with the Soviet-controlled alternate reality. Worked for Superman and Valiant Comics. It would certainly work for Iron Man 2. 

In this scenario, Anton Vanko is able to keep his intentions to himself long enough to screw over Howard Stark, bring the arc reactor schematics to the Motherland, and reap the rewards. Ivan lives a life of luxury while Howard Stark becomes a disgraced figure in the American public’s eye, ultimately destroying himself through alcoholism.

This leads to a story where Tony Stark figures out his father's tech in order to wage a war against the Vankos for destroying his family. Add in Justin Hammer as his weasely sidekick and you got a stew going.

THOR

What If Loki Allowed Thor to Be King?

Loki was the first real “villain who was in the right, but went about it the wrong way” of the MCU. At least in the first act. One of the better parts of Thor was that, in the beginning, Thor was a big jerk and Loki was well aware of this. His initial plot was the save Asgard from having to deal with Thor in charge. Said plot gave Thor the character development needed to prove himself worthy while Loki ended up damning himself.

Loki probably could have done himself a better service if he just let it happen. When Thor runs Asgard into the ground, Loki will be there to take over and fix things. Or maybe Thor will just admit that he isn’t fit to lead and hand over the throne. Either way, the big laugh will come from someone telling Loki that if he knew Thor was going to be such a shitty king, why didn’t he do anything about it?

CAPTAIN AMERICA

What If Captain America Survived World War II?

Seems to be one of the easiest ideas. Hell, this was one of the very first issues of the What If comic and even gave us the first iteration of Bucky Barnes as Captain America. So we have Captain America defeat Red Skull in such a way that he doesn’t have to crash the plane and get frozen for a bunch of years at the end of the movie. Instead, Captain America fights through the rest of the war and we don’t have all that awkward finger-pointing that Steve gets for his Endgame epilogue.

read more: The 100 Best Marvel What If Moments

I’d like to see Cap be in the thick of Hydra’s inner-takeover of SHIELD, especially with Bucky still alive and looming in the shadows. Not only am I down for more team-ups between Steve Rogers and Howard Stark, but the idea of Cap being something of an uncle figure to Tony is too great to ignore.

THE AVENGERS

What If Loki Betrayed Thanos?

Recently, Marvel made it an official retcon that, during the events of the first Avengers movie Loki wasn’t 100% himself. Wielding the Mind Stone, he was really being manipulated by Thanos, which is their way of handwaving all the horrible stuff he did so we can more easily get behind him as a protagonist.

This reminds me of Marvel’s Earth X miniseries, which took place in a universe where all the god-type characters were really overly-evolved mutants from another planet who were endlessly powerful but were molded by the beliefs of others. In other words, all the Asgardians are scaling back their power and acting like Asgardians because when they came to Earth, that’s what humans believed them to be. Loki, being all about trickery and mischief, was the one who could see through it all and realized what he truly was.

I want that kind of energy in the Avengers storyline. I want Loki to figure out that he isn’t in full control of his actions. When Thor implores him to join him against the higher power, let Loki piece it together. The image of Loki working with the Avengers against Thanos is a cool one, but the real conflict is figuring out what to do from there. Whether or not he’s on their side, nobody’s going to trust Loki when the plan is presumably, “Let’s use these two Infinity Stones against a guy who has none.”

IRON MAN 3

What If Aldrich Killian Killed Himself?

Iron Man 3 begins with an origin for Aldrich Killian as the third most interesting character to call himself “The Mandarin.” He got to meet Tony Stark briefly at a New Years’ Eve party, Stark lied by offering to meet him on the roof later that night, and it was at midnight that Killian realized that Stark had essentially blown him off. He considered walking off the roof to his death, but was instead inspired to get his shit together and start up a big arms-dealing conspiracy.

Let’s take him out of the picture. There’s no Extremis plot, no drunk actors, no Vice President getting arrested, etc. This also means that Tony doesn’t get grounded. Part of the conclusion of Iron Man 3 is that Tony is able to grow up and move on in a sense.

People often criticize the MCU for ways it's walked back Tony's growth over the years, though. Tony’s attempt to move forward blows up in his face with Ultron, and thanks to his addictive personality, he can’t help but go back to his Iron Man ways and briefly kill his relationship with Pepper. Even in Endgame, he struggles with what kind of man he should be.

Perhaps the lack of Iron Man 3 would hinder his journey in the long run. He doesn’t blow up his armor or get his arc reactor removed. He keeps being as reckless and dedicated as he’s ever been. It costs him his relationships, but does the ends justify the means? How far can a driven Stark go, exactly?

THOR: THE DARK WORLD

What If Jane Foster Discovered Her Worthiness Earlier?

Granted, we don’t know the context of Jane Foster becoming the new Thor in Thor: Love and Thunder, but it’s going to happen in the upcoming movie, it’s happened in the comics, and it even happened in one of the first What If comic issues. Thor: The Dark World is one of the least exciting MCU entries and Natalie Portman peaced out due to how they handled her character, so let’s jump ahead to the Jane-Thor development.

read more: Thor: Love and Thunder - Jane Foster as Thor Explained

Jane’s already in Asgard for the underdeveloped Meet the Parents concept, so the setting is right. Maybe have her wield Mjolnir to save Frigga and see where it goes from there. I don’t know. It’s not like the villains are going to carry this story.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE WINTER SOLDIER

What If Nick Fury Died?

The threat from Winter Soldier is such a Gordian knot, and thanks in part to Nick Fury’s help, Hydra was defeated in a rather clean way. Take Fury out of the picture. There is no secret resurrection. He’s straight-up dead. Now there’s no finale based on releasing all the SHIELD files to the public and cutting off Hydra’s head.

Captain America and his buddies still defeat Hydra, but it’s messy. Hell, we might even get the Agents of SHIELD crew involved in this one because why not. Alexander Pierce may be killed or at least thwarted, but the story after the fact will be that Captain America is an enemy of the state, creating a variation of his Secret Avengers from Infinity War.

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

What If Ronan Destroyed Xandar?

What If was made for this one. Guardians of the Galaxy plays up Ronan’s disdain for Thanos and the possibility of them throwing down. Early on, Nebula warns Ronan that it’s a fight that he cannot win, but is totally on his side when he’s able to wield the Power Stone. It’s promised that once Xandar is wiped out, Ronan is going to go to war with Thanos.

read more: Marvel's What If? Animated Series Coming to Disney+

A full-on villain vs. villain war would be a damn fun episode. Obviously, like an arms race, each side is going to have to try to build themselves up with more Infinity Stones, presumably making it three-on-three by the time the two throw down. Don’t know how the Soul Stone would figure into this, but depending on how close Ronan and Nebula become...PROBABLY not good for Nebula!

AVENGERS: AGE OF ULTRON

What If Ultron Wasn’t Corrupted?

More specifically, the question is, “Could it have worked?” The creation of Ultron was Stark’s desperate attempt to protect Earth from a threat that he knew, deep in his heart, was going to come from the skies any day now. Ultron ended up blowing up in his face and caused the Avengers to splinter prior to Thanos’ run for the Stones. Had the plan worked out, Thanos would still need to invade Earth in order to get his hands on the Mind Stone and Time Stone.

As an aside: Thor doesn't know where the Time Stone is, so I figure he'll trust the Mind Stone to remain on Earth under Stark's care because he's already established that he doesn't want to keep two in Asgard.

While the previous entry is more about two villains clashing, this one is about a war between faceless soldiers. Endless dog creatures fighting endless Ultrons or empty Iron Man armors or whatever. Win or lose, this one has the potential to cause more worldwide damage than Thanos’ casual stroll through Wakanda.

ANT-MAN

What If Hank Pym Trusted Hope?

Hank Pym doesn’t choose Scott Lang to be his successor in Ant-Man. Maybe Scott’s still in prison. Or maybe Hope is his first choice after all. Either way, he builds Hope her own Wasp costume for the sake of stopping Darren Cross. She’s hindered by her inferior cat burglar skills but ends up being a bit colder and violent when it comes to ending Cross’ plans.

The real conflict comes in Civil War. Wasp is very much on Captain America’s side, but Tony Stark tries to get through to Hank Pym on the subject. Hank begins to waver, realizing that as much as he’s hated his technology being in the government’s hands, it still might be safer than what Cross had intended. This, in turn, causes Hope to resent her father all over again as the war between heroes commences.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: CIVIL WAR

What If Quicksilver Was Alive?

This is technically more of an Age of Ultron entry, but with a focus on Civil War. Quicksilver is able to save Hawkeye’s life without sacrificing his own. It’s hard figuring out a good switch for Civil War, but including Quicksilver in the mix might be the biggest offset. The shadow of Sokovia would still be looming, but at least he'd be there to help prevent his sister from becoming a black mark on superheroes.

Not only would he help turn the tide in the airport battle, but if Pietro were to be there for the final battle, he’d possibly be able to talk Iron Man down. I mean, Tony Stark is arguably equally or more responsible for the deaths of Pietro and Wanda’s parents than Bucky was for Tony’s parents, but Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch are able to move past that. Quicksilver can fix the Avengers before Zemo is able to splinter them.

DOCTOR STRANGE

What If Doctor Strange Used Time Travel to Save Himself?

Stephen Strange takes a look at Dormammu and decides, “Nope!” He’s going to use the Time Stone to prevent the universe from being taken over, but he goes about it in a more reckless way. He rewinds time to the point that he’s able to stop Kaecilius using magic save-states, which he figures takes Dormammu off the board. Deciding that the other magic folks can carry on without him, he then attempts to prevent himself from texting while driving.

Strange continues on with his earlier life, the mega-demon is no longer a threat, and life goes on. Or does it?

Strange was warned that overusing the Time Stone would cause massive repercussions, so things would undoubtedly go very wrong for the Sorcerer Supreme. Bonus points if this relates to Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness.

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY VOL. 2

What If Ego Raised Peter Quill on Earth?

Ego was never going to be anything other than a monster. Charming or not, he killed a whole lot of his own children as part of his plot to kill just about everyone else in the name of finding his purpose. His redeeming quality was that he had some true love for Meredith Quill, but he didn't love her enough to keep himself from being an outright bastard. He was afraid that his love for her would keep him from achieving his goal, so he killed her in a rather cowardly way for someone so powerful.

I want to see a world where Ego saw things through and stayed with Meredith for good. What kind of person would he have become? I imagine he would have grown old, died of natural causes, and his body would have regenerated on his planet self, presumably with second thoughts on what to do with his powers. It's not too different from the Fantastic Four storyline where they turned Galactus human for a time and showed him the beauty of normal life.

But really, I'd like to see what kind of man Peter would become. I can't imagine he'd be drawn to the stars if his mother had lived longer and he wasn't kidnapped, but cosmic adventure is in his blood. Who's to say?

SPIDER-MAN: HOMECOMING

What If Spider-Man Joined the Vulture?

Getting so mad at Tony Stark that you turn into a supervillain is so easy that it seems to happen every other day in the MCU. Sometimes the bad guys even have a point! Hell, Captain America disagreed with him on whether or not to allow Iron Man to blow up Steve's best friend and that caused Cap to become an enemy of the state. It makes you realize that Rhodey's ability to put up with Tony's bullshit is the most amazing superpower of them all.

So in this What If? scenario, when Iron Man strips Spider-Man of his upgrades and gives him a time out in Spider-Man: Homecoming, Peter really loses it. When he's being driven to the homecoming dance, he tells his date's father about how much of a jackass egomaniac Tony is. In this moment of bitching, Toomes sees Peter as less of a threat and more of an opportunity in the form of a kindred spirit. The two end up working together and Vulture succeeds in stealing all that swank hero stuff from Stark's plane.

At first, it's just Peter turning a blind eye to criminal activity out of spite. Just like the OTHER time that happened, it doesn't work out too well for him. Iron Man is able to figure out that Spider-Man had some kind of involvement in the act and uses the Sokovia Accords as reasoning to bring the hammer down on him. Spider-Man escapes, but Vulture dies in the process. There goes another father figure.

Spider-Man decides to prove himself against Iron Man by taking all the stolen tech that Vulture had accumulated and finding worthy people to wield it in the name of starting up an underground, street-level vigilante group.

THOR: RAGNAROK

What If Nebula Killed Thanos?

In Guardians Vol. 2, Nebula is last seen leaving to go slaughter Thanos. We don’t see her until Infinity War, where it’s shown that she failed. Her failure is what helps Thanos realize that Gamora knows where the Soul Stone is and he goes on his rush to get all the Infinity Stones. Let’s just say that Nebula succeeds and kills her adopted father.

Now look to the mid-credits scene from Thor: Ragnarok. Before Thanos' ship arrived, Thor and Loki had an interesting discussion about whether or not Loki can peacefully coexist with Earth’s inhabitants due to the events of Avengers. This possibility would never be explored due to Infinity War suddenly happening.

read more: 20 Uplifting Marvel What If Stories

But without Thanos? We could actually see Thor as a king who isn’t bogged down by PTSD. We can see a Hulk that isn’t at odds with himself. More importantly, we can see how Loki deals with New Asgard. Especially since he happens to have a Tesseract in his possession.

BLACK PANTHER

What If Killmonger Remained King?

Invading Wakanda and succeeding is nigh impossible. You need to have the Infinity Stones or the Phoenix Force to make it happen or else you're going to end up like the Skrulls that one time -- a pile of bodies sent back to space with the message, "THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU INVADE WAKANDA," written in blood. This is one of those stories.

Killmonger is an angry hypocrite with no foresight. His plan to arm the underdogs of the world will do nothing but create chaos and untold casualties. It won't take long for Wakanda to become a major target. Rather than throw every superhero at the nation, Iron Man goes alone because he thinks his tech know-how could counter that of Wakanda's. While this is going on, Captain America chooses to go on a one-man mission to take down Killmonger after hearing that Bucky has been killed.

The good news is that Cap and Iron Man are able to work together and even work through their differences. The bad news is that neither survives. After such a failure, Nick Fury sends in as many heavy hitters as possible (deciding to hold off on calling in Captain Marvel), but the results are the same. Killmonger's regime stands tall, even though Wakanda is relatively worse for wear. He does find himself fascinated with the remains of Vision, especially the glowing gem on his head, and keeps his head as a trophy.

The dust has cleared and Killmonger finds himself the king of a global warzone. His victory is shortlived as Thanos and his Black Order arrive for the Stones. Before ending Killmonger's life, Thanos does give him credit for wiping out half of Earth's population before Thanos even had the chance.

AVENGERS: INFINITY WAR

What If Star-Lord Kept His Anger in Check?

One thing that annoys me is when people cite Peter Quill as the reason why Thanos was able to complete the Infinity Gauntlet. Yes, they were so close to pulling off the Gauntlet, and yes, Star-Lord losing control and punching Thanos in the face screwed that up. I get that.

Here’s the thing: Doctor Strange knew that it would happen and didn’t do anything to prevent it because apparently removing the Gauntlet would have still led to a loss. There was only one possible way things were going to work out and that was everything up to the end of Endgame. Star-Lord’s tantrum made little difference and, it’s possible to say, everyone might have been better off because of it.

What I want to know is why that would have been so bad? How would defeating Thanos in that moment have led to defeat? What kind of possible future did Doctor Strange see?

ANT-MAN AND THE WASP

What If Ant-Man Joined the Secret Avengers?

Rather than submit himself to house arrest, Scott Lang sacrifices seeing his daughter in order to hang out with Captain America, Black Widow, and Falcon for a few years. This leads to a major juggling act because he’s still going to get that weird vision from Janet, but things will be a million times easier to deal with because he doesn’t have to beat the clock with the Jimmy Woo business and he has his Avengers pals watching his back. Ghost is defeated, Janet is rescued, Hank is grumpy, and Hope has lost her respect for Scott for essentially abandoning Cassie.

Anyway, the most important thing here is that the Avengers no longer think Scott is under house arrest and are able to bring him to Wakanda and people can finally be excited to see that Thanos butt thing happen. Do it, Marvel. Do it, you cowards.

CAPTAIN MARVEL

What If Captain Marvel Killed Ronan?

Being a prequel that deals with the Kree, Captain Marvel features a couple of brief scenes that show Ronan the Accuser as one of the antagonists. As we know, decades later, he and Korath will become rogue soldiers out to exact revenge on the Xandarians. That means that in Captain Marvel, Ronan is protected by plot armor. What If features no such thing, so there’s nothing stopping Carol Danvers from simply blowing up Ronan’s ship instead of intimidating him to escape and fight another day.

As time goes on and Thanos needs villains to do his dirty work, he doesn’t have Ronan on hand. What he does have is the Mind Stone and what Captain Marvel has is a history of being susceptible to mind manipulation. Thanos ends up forcing Captain Marvel into being his enforcer and decides that he doesn’t even need Loki to begin with. Instead, Danvers razes Earth and tears through the Avengers. She also annihilates the Guardians of the Galaxy before they can even get started as a team while securing the Power Stone.

In the aftermath, a surviving Peter Quill is found in an intergalactic bar, drinking through his depression. A man appears before him, claiming to be his father, with the suggestion that maybe learning his true power for the sake of getting revenge on Captain Marvel (among...other things) is Peter’s purpose.

AVENGERS: ENDGAME

What Became of Thanos 2014’s Timeline?

As I already mentioned, Endgame is the only possible version of the movie’s events where the good guys win. Any and all tangents end with Thanos’ victory. So let’s move away from that.

Endgame’s time heist created two major alternate timelines. One is the alternate version of Avengers, where Loki escapes with the Tesseract and Hydra thinks Cap is on their side. We’ll be getting a whole Disney+ series on that reality.

The other is what’s left behind from the second Thanos. There’s a universe where Gamora, Thanos, and all of Thanos’ underlings and soldiers (minus Ronan) simply ceased to be. They all went to another timeline and never came back. Does that mean that Ego conquers reality? Does the Collector go forward with his plan to acquire all six Infinity Stones?

And what of Earth? This could go in different directions, considering a deleted concept from Endgame was that Thanos 2014 decided to tear apart his timeline’s Avengers before making the time jump. There’s a lot of potential in that episode.

SPIDER-MAN: FAR FROM HOME

What If Mysterio Was Iron Man’s Protégé?

So Quentin Beck created this world-changing hologram technology, watched his boss use it for the sake of personal therapy, make fun of it, and then call Beck out of line? Hey, Beck really shouldn’t have used the lives of a bunch of innocents to prop up his plan, but he had every right to be pissed at Tony Stark.

If television and movies have taught me anything, it’s that if you angrily insult your boss to his face, you have a 50/50 chance of either getting fired or getting a promotion. We saw the firing timeline, so let’s see what happens when Stark decides to actually listen to Beck. I imagine Beck would solidify his belief in the Sokovia Accords and take Spider-Man’s spot in Civil War. Just think about how anti-climactic that airport battle would be when Iron Man’s side ends up being a bunch of holograms and Bucky gets yoinked away in the confusion.

Beck could conceivably figure out Zemo’s plot through his tactics, but the question is how he would follow up on that. Does he step in Zemo’s way or does he agree and allow the Avengers to implode?

Gavin Jasper writes for Den of Geek and would love to see DC do an animated or live-action version of Elseworlds: Speeding Bullets. Read more of his articles here and follow him on Twitter @Gavin4L

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Gavin Jasper

Aug 22, 2019

What If

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[ohjjang]

BTS Live Interview KBS News9 2020.09.10

🐨 We're so happy to have completed our debut stage. We'll continue to do our best as BTS.

👥 Bangtan! Thank you! We'll do our best!

🐱 It's good to dream big, right? I'd like to be No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100. I'd also like to be No. 1 on the Billboard 200.

🗣 The Billboard music award goes to... BTS!

(No. 1 on the Billboard Album Chart in 2018)

(No. 1 on the Billboard Single Chart in 2020)

(No. 1 for two weeks in a row in 2020)

🐥 We never expected it but we're so happy to hear that we made No. 1 on the Hot 100. We're all in awe. It's hard to express it in words.

📺 KBS News9

🐹 Hello. I'm BTS' worldwide handsome, Jin.

🐱 Hello, I'm BTS Suga.

🐥 Hello, I'm BTS Jimin.

🐨 Hello, I'm BTS RM. Nice to meet you.

🐿 Hello! I'm your hope, J-Hope.

🐯 Hello... Hello, I'm your hope, V.

🐰 Hello, I'm Jungkook.

👩🏻‍💼 I'm sure you were here for "Music Bank," but how do you feel being in the newsroom?

🐿 It's really cool here.

🐹 It's really solemn here. It has a serious vibe.

🐱 It's our first time in the newsroom.

🐨 I think this is the coolest place in KBS.

🐿 To be honest, it's quite fascinating.

👩🏻‍💼 Jimin, does it feel real yet?

🐥 Oh, it doesn't feel real. When something good like this happens, we should be meeting with the fans in person and hug, cry, and celebrate together. It's a shame because of the current situation. But it's an honor to be here on KBS. I hope the fans will be happy.

👩🏻‍💼 It's really difficult for a non-English speaking artist to enter the Hot 100, right?

👥 That's right.

👩🏻‍💼 Why do you think "Dynamite" was so successful? How was it able to have a universal appeal?

🐱 Well, the situation isn't good in Korea and overseas, right? So when we first came up with this song, we wanted to do what we're good at, what we were able to do, in order to provide strength for our fans. That was our biggest motivation. And fortunately, our fans really loved the song, which is what brought this amazing result. That's what I believe.

👩🏻‍💼 It's a really exciting and funky disco track. Did you choose that genre on purpose because things are so tough right now?

🐨 In these tough times... When you're feeling down and depressed, there are many ways to relieve that, right? We chose to go with our field of expertise. It's a disco-pop that everyone's familiar with. We wanted it to just be cheery. And we felt like we needed something that was hopeful. That's why we chose this genre.

👩🏻‍💼 Do you feel like you're world stars now? V, how do you feel?

🐯 First of all... It does feel more real than before. Friends of our families say that they're part of ARMY. And even many of our friends have become ARMY. We're really encouraged every time we hear that.

🐿 So many people cheered loudly for us when we entered the newsroom.

🐨 They congratulated us.

🐿 I think that makes us realize our popularity a little.

🐯 It makes us wonder how we are this popular.

🐱 It wasn't like this at "Music Bank."

👩🏻‍💼 From what I know, you had hard times in the beginning. I heard there were times when you'd go hungry.

🐹 Yes. Even for us... We used to catch fruit flies with a vacuum cleaner. We'd have rotten bananas that attracted lots of fruit flies. There were times we survived on chicken breasts. It's a relief that things worked out for us.

👩🏻‍💼 What has changed between then and now?

🐯 Our lunch boxes...

🐹 Back then, when we weren't earning much, there was a limit to what we could eat. But now we can eat whatever we want. We can have two slices of steak if we want. That's where we're at.

🐥 Our minds... I think we have more peace of mind. We felt rushed back then and felt we needed tenacity. But now, we can relax more.

👩🏻‍💼 Then what hasn't changed between then and now? Something you've kept all this time. Jungkook, what do you think?

🐰 We've changed a lot in terms of our appearances and personalities. But the one thing that hasn't changed is our love for the fans and our attitude towards music. I think that still remains true.

👩🏻‍💼 I'd say your teamwork hasn't changed either. This year is the 7th year for the 7 of you. Your album has "7" in the title as well. This would be impossible without teamwork.

👩🏻‍💼 Do you have a secret to your successful teamwork? Does the eldest keep everyone in line?

🐱 No, not at all.

👩🏻‍💼 Or perhaps the leader?

🐨 I think we all just really get along. I think that's how we maintain our positive teamwork. And if anything comes up, we always gather and have meetings. We're always trying to gather ideas for a positive outcome. I think that's why...

🐿 I think we respect each other and are considerate of each other. I think that's how we were able to get to this point.

🐨 I mention this comparison often. I believe we're all in the same boat facing different directions. The 7 of us grew up in different environments and we live life enjoying different things. It's impossible to be completely alike. But the fact that we're in the same boat. If we have that clearly in mind... And also, if we're too close, that can cause problems. So at times, we're like family and other times, we're like partners. We maintain an appropriate distance from each other to respect one another. I'd say that's the secret to our teamwork.

👩🏻‍💼 J-Hope, you mentioned May 18, the Gwangju Uprising in your lyrics. Suga, you've incorporated daechwita and gukak in your music too. Do those ideas come from your discussions? From sharing your feelings and thoughts?

🐿 That's right. Being able to tell the stories that we want to through music is in itself such a great honor as artists. In my case, I felt it was a part of history that we should never forget. And I thought it was good to express that through my music. Daechwita!

👩🏻‍💼 I'm sure all of your songs are precious. But is there a song that you particularly love? In particular?

🐱 "Dynamite."

🐨 "Dynamite"!

🐿 "Dynamite."

🐹 For me, it's "I NEED U." That's the first song that got us 1st place.

👩🏻‍💼 In western pop culture, it has been difficult for Asian artists to be in the spotlight. It was hard to be mainstream. But now you're right in the center and the entire world relates to you. What's your secret?

🐨 To be honest, I don't know if we're there yet. However, The Billboard Hot 100 is very symbolic. And being No. 1 for two weeks in a row is something we never expected. So I personally think... First off, the song "Dynamite" was probably more approachable because it broke down the language barrier. And as mentioned earlier, disco-pop is a familiar genre. Even for the older generation. So it's easy to listen to and at this point in time, it provides hope. It provides comfort through being simple and upbeat. I believe these factors played a big part. And more than anything, I'd say people are most curious about this. It's how we got this far. They ask us that a lot and are curious about it. But what I want to say is that we've been on the Billboard Charts since 2015. And I think we've been achieving milestones since. It's not like we had a set strategy from back then. We didn't calculate how to climb up the Billboard Charts. We were able to overcome the language barrier and other national and ethnic boundaries through the truths that we conveyed. That's what reached the many people and turned them into our fans. These things all came together and the resulting explosion was "Dynamite."

👩🏻‍💼 Don't you have ARMY to thank as well, Jimin?

🐥 We have so much to thank them for. Since the early days, I think we had a strong bond with the fans. Even when our team was really small, it's the same in our music and performances, I think it always felt like we were together. Even in this moment, we're so thankful. We want to quickly meet them and thank them in person.

👩🏻‍💼 I really studied a lot so I wouldn't get told off by ARMY. I noticed you always thank the fans whenever you receive an award. Just as Jimin said, you seem so close with the fans. Where does that tight relationship come from? Would you like to comment on that, V? That tight bond with ARMY.

🐯 First of all, it's because they were with us since the difficult times. That'd be the foremost reason. Also, our sad times, happy times, the times we were congratulated, everything was shared with ARMY. So the people that know us best are by far always ARMY.

👩🏻‍💼 To all the youths around the world that have to live with COVID-19. Is there a unique BTS challenge you can propose? (Jung Eungyeong) Who would like to answer that?

🐥 V? Since he has unique ideas.

🐨 Since you're so creative.

🐯 This is my personal opinion. Right now, there are so many things we can't do because of COVID-19. So once COVID-19 passes... Once it's completely over... Then what is... What is the very first thing you want to do? The thing you want to do the most. You could write that down or express it in some way. Perhaps draw it. That would be my challenge suggestion.

🐿 It's a dream challenge.

🐰 A dream challenge.

🐯 Dream challenge.

👩🏻‍💼 We're all spending so much time at home because of COVID-19. You guys are doing a lot of activities online. J-Hope, you made beaded wristbands. You made gimbap too. Is there anything else you'd like to try?

🐿 Yes, I did do many things, right? Well, I don't know. I'd like to do things that I haven't tried yet. I'm not very good with my hands. So I'd like to make a lot of things. For example, carving wood and making something pretty. I'd like to try a lot of those things. And share them with the fans.

👩🏻‍💼 I'm sure you have a lot more personal time now. I hear RM has started to work out. Jungkook is learning the guitar and Suga's learning to draw. What else are you guys doing?

🐱 After things became like this, we shared a lot of our daily lives through various platforms. So that's why we have new hobbies. In this day and age, I'd like to share and show more. I started learning the guitar recently too.

🐰 He's practicing really hard right now.

🐱 I really am. I'd like to continue sharing things like that.

🐥 We're working on our next album as well.

👩🏻‍💼 I hear you have a new album coming soon. Can you briefly tell us what it'll be like?

🐥 Actually... It's hard to say what the album will contain as of now. There are songs as good as "Dynamite" and some even better, so please look forward to it.

🐨 We already love it.

🐥 Also... It's great. After topping the Billboard Charts with "Dynamite," I thought that it would be awesome if the entire album could enter the Hot 100 😄

🐱 It's good to dream big.

🐥 It's always good to dream big. So I imagine that at times.

🐰 Our level of participation for this album is extremely high for each of our members.

👩🏻‍💼 Each of your albums have a unique message. Finding yourself, for example. What do you think the message will be for this album?

🐥 I think it'll contain a variety of messages. It's like... The things we feel whether that be sadness or joy. I think we added those raw emotions. I'll end the spoilers there.

🐨 Right now... It's like... BTS is just 7 young guys. Of course, we don't live your average normal life. But the sentiment we're feeling right now... And what we dare to believe that people need right now. We added songs that will satisfy that. So I just hope many people will listen to them. That's how I feel.

👩🏻‍💼 I have to ask Suga about your next objective. Everything Suga has said has come true. Is your next goal the Grammys?

🐱 Well, first off... Yes... I've been lucky, haven't I? I'd personally like to be nominated. Once you're nominated, you can perform a song at the Grammys. And so after we perform at the Grammys, if possible, It's only our wishful thinking but... I don't know if I can say this. But if we can win a Grammy... That would be so...

🐨 Of course, it's not up to us.

🐱 Yes, of course. But we can dream, right? It's okay for us to dream, right? That's our wish.

👩🏻‍💼 Please agree to be back if you win.

👥 Oh, of course!

🐨 It'd be an honor to be back here.

👩🏻‍💼 Then to end this interview, for the people that are struggling because of COVID-19. Whether that be ARMY or viewers all over the world. Could you say a word for them?

🐰 We mentioned the challenge earlier. I'm sure many people are going through hard times right now. It was really tough for us too. We had so many things scheduled but we couldn't do any of them. That's how serious it is right now. Many people are putting in the effort. And we're doing the best we can too. I hope you can find something within. I hope you find that silver lining so that you can find some kind of joy in this dark times. It's tough but I hope you fight on.

🐨 I have a heavy heart. I can't dare say that I understand those struggling right now. It's difficult for me to say that. To tell you about "Dynamite" from our circumstances, it would not have been born without COVID-19. So, I believe... I believe that with the bad, there's always the good. Though that could take a long time. At night, the shadows are long but the sun will surely rise. I know it's tough for so many people. But we'll do our very best so please stay hopeful. And I wish you all stay healthy. Thank you.

👥 We'll shout it out! 2, 3. Let's go!