#perhaps not for much longer though lmfao

[pleasehelpmeimfying]

Could I ask for sub Aventurine? Maybe he is really in his head with work and wants to not think anymore so reader pampers them and gets them in subspace? Idk up to you 💙🩵

LMFAO TURNS OUT I DONT FULLY UNDERSTAND WHAT SUBSPACE IS😭 so I’ll try my best LMFAOOO BUT ILL MAKE THE FIC SCRUMPTIOUS 😍.

(No fonts due to my lack of storage. Mb goober :( )

{Amab!sub!Aventurine, possible Aventurine OOC. Angst if you squint hard enough. Amab!top!reader, blowjob, Aventurine receiving, Shitty rushed fic. Definitely gonna edit the story line later 💀…}

Read at your own risk.

Working day in and day out. Barely any time for breaks or self pleasure. It’s either something going terribly wrong or more idiots with little common sense fucking something up.

His work was never done. Aventurine just wanted a break, something to look forward to. The lack of sleep caused bags to slowly form under his eyes. The more he became more irritable, the more he was losing his mind in this work space.

Aventurine was reading over some delays that was recently reported, to focused in his paperwork to notice you entering his office with his favorite meal. Slowly you walked towards your lover with a small smile gracing your lips. You took advantage on how.. distracted he was.

You placed the food on a nearby shelf, slowly making your way behind him. Did he suspect a thing? Absolutely not, and it was amazing. Once you made it behind him you wasted no time to cup his face from the back and give him gentle kisses all over the left side of his face.

Did it startle him? Oh absolutely. Aventurine momentarily frozen in place, quickly recovering to a sly smile and weak chuckling. He should’ve known your ass would pull some shit like this. Yet he couldn’t resist melting into your warmth! You treated him all to well, and deep down he was still confused why anyone would choose to love someone like him.

“Aventurine, how long have you been working? You haven’t been home in a while.. I was getting worried something.. might’ve happened.”

Your worry and concern for his well being made his heart grow and grow. Filling up with unthinkable amount of love just for you. How long has it been since you held him? How long was it since he felt your love? To long perhaps. Still his eyes lingered at the work in front of him. Staring up at him with blank areas still to fill out.

Aventurine let out a stifled breath. His annoyance slowly creeping back at him. He just needed a little more time to finish before he was sure he wasn’t sure this man was dying rn that he was done for the night. Regretfully he would say the same thing as he did all those others times before.

“Hm, I need to get back to this. I swear I’m almost done my love. Just need more time..”

Genuinely you weren’t really paying much attention to what he was saying. Blocking him out with a playful smile. Then before he knew it, your guided his face to look at yours and placed more deeper kisses on his gorgeous face. Luring him to you. Did he care? Nahh..

You moved a bit away, taking your hands off his face. He felt his heart drop. Just a little bit! Before he saw you push his chair further from his desk so you could get better access to him. That damn back side of the chair was killing you slowly 💀.

“Your eyes.. you look so tried baby. I can’t allow you to keep working like this. How about we go home and get some rest, yea?”

Aventurine did NOT feel like moving. He just wanted to just slump against his chair. Though he would rather die than tell you that. So let’s put on that infamous poker face shall we?

He looked at you and gave you a smile. Weakly nodding in an attempt to play through his false facade. Did your bitch ass notice it? Yes and it was both concerning and hilarious. So you decided to cup his face one more time and bless his ears with your words. And in between words you kept squishing his face:3

“Second thought.. how bout we stay here just a little while longer. Relax a bit before you rush back home.”

Aventurine didn’t know what to do. First you wanted to go and now you wanna stay? Eh, he’ll just go with the flow. Though your hands felt so warm and soft. Once again he melted into your touch.. Then his mind wondered to places it shouldn’t have. First ranging to sweet thoughts, then to some more.. let’s say delusional thinking. Next thing you know as he has a ranging boner.

He knew that you knew about his problem. Probably why he turned into a whining mess in the next 42 minutes..

Hands tangled in your locks as he kept buckling into your mouth. Aventurine bit biting his bottom lips as muffled whines were forced out of his throat. Tears ready to spill at any moment as you kept going. Slurping his length without much care as your hands forced his thighs apart.

“<Y/N>.. please! I c-can’t hold- Nmmph! Hold I-It!♡︎”

Your mouth was warm and wet it almost made him go crazy. Aventurine didn’t know how your jaw wasn’t in agony by now. Forgot that thought, his lower half was absolutely being destroyed by you. Legs shaking as he tugged your hair one last time before combusting in your sweet mouth.

A gurgled moan slipped through Aventurine throat as the tears finally spilt. Back arching as his legs kept opening and closing. He just didn’t know what to do, what a poor baby.

“Shitshitshitshitshit… OohhHH! MmpPHH♡︎!”

His mind went completely blank. Not a single thought resided in that beautiful brain of his. Only tears and pleasure clouded his mind. He didn’t even notice you take his cock out of your mouth. He was just to fucked out honestly.

Aventurine body was twitching as he took deep breaths, trying to hold to some kind of saintly.

Maybe he would’ve finish his work later if he even remembered.

[hyukalyptus]

saw your reblog about kissing along the happy trail and let out a great sigh bc i could never do that to them 😔

but yeah i believe in kai happy trail and perhaps also beomgyu???

idk if you’ve done this before but what are your hairy TXT hc’s? like where do u think their body hair is most…evident? (does that make sense omg i hope it does!!)

- 🐳

okay girlie let's get into it,, i havent given it like, dedicated thought and i dont have strong opinions developed, other than i love the thought of hairy!txt lmao so i will try to be consistent with my thoughts ehehehe.

cw. lots of hair talk ahead. mentions of sex in kai's, balls, bjs.

so obviously theyve all got pelvic pubes right ? and i know we dont see a lot of their hair but this is if they don't shave/laser it off lmfao. also none of this is real im just being weird as hell about hair.

yeonjun- i think his armpit hair is like a long line ig? instead of it being like a clump in the middle, its like in a line lmao, idk how to explain it BUT i bring treats (sfw link to yj armpit hair crumbs!! its an old pic tho) and i know he shaved his face in that vlog but i feel like he was just doin that to look hot lmao, i dont think he has super intense facial hair tbh. other than that, i think he's typically got the sexiest happy trail ever!! and what i mean by that, is that i dont think his tummy is super hairy, so his happy trail is a pretty distinct line. and its dark and is a literally happy trail lmfao.

soobin- he's hairy!!! and i will not be silenced any longer. thats why he looks so baby is bc that man is meant to have hair. not a ton though. bushy armpit hair, even a little hairy chested i think. like a pretty wide line down the middle of his chest and it spreads over his pecks a little. hairy legs!! >< ugh imagine laying on his slightly hairy chest and rubbin his 5 oclock shadow, just snugglin and cozy wozy <3

beomgyu- seems to be the most facially hairy lol. i could see him having a pretty substantial beard. and a hairy tummy for sure. i know thats not a look for beomie but those are my thoughts lol

taehyun- oooohhh i think his arms and legs are pretty hairy. so rn i dont think he's as muscular as he'd like to be bc if youre super muscley and a dancer, it could cause injuries easier bc of flexibility SO anyway, all that to say, i think when he's retired he's gonna get all muscley and his arms and legs are gonna be all hairy and delicious :p

kai- ok y'all thought i yapped about yj and soob's hair too much well.....i could talk about hairy kai for hours and hours. i think he's the hairiest by far !! omfg. hairy chest and hairy tummy. FUCK im giggling too much. thinking about post-sex kai, sweaty and out of breath, laying on his hairy chest while y'all catch ur breath. thinking about his hairy arms wrapping around ur waist to hug you. i know this is so random, but thinking about rubbing sunscreen into his skin for him at the beach. eheheh. getting on ur knees for him, kissing down his tummy on ur way down AH, playin with his bush before playing with his balls before suckin his dick LOL. but frfr never not thinking about laying on kai's hairy chest post-sex lmfao.

[gomzwrites]

✧✿✧˖° Chocolate °˖✧✿✧

Hello heLLOO! *waves excitedly over a round table* come come I have tea and dessert for everyone *pulls out a few chairs*

Alright, so. Some of my thoughts first regarding the Academic AU

I wrote this fic longer than intended because I was going heavy with the details and plot

Though I am wondering if this kind of smut is welcome here, because I've let a few of my friends to read it and gotten mix responses, some said it was lengthy while some said they liked it

Personally, I was trying to walk readers through the entire process, and since its the first encounter/$ex scene, I wanted to show the small details to indicate some stuff

Initially I was going to write like virgin reader for the innocent sake. but that will make my fic longer WHEEZE-

I ended up hinting the "innocent" part with the floral pattern on the brief, well I say hint but idk if that was obvious lmfao anyways-

not to say I dont like longer fics, but the longer I write, the more mistakes im gonna encounter (if you can't tell already, i struggle a lot with grammar lol)

In the end after much consideration, ive cut down heavily on the smut and condensed to what we have now and Im okay with it, tho I would like to hear your thoughts (send me anonymously if you're shy, or just comment, I dont bite I promise :D)

Okay, *pours everyone a cup of tea*, some headcannons and notes

So, as you all can tell, there was a hint of mlm there of Price x Simon, not sure how everyone think about it but I for one eat that shit up

Now, I did gave some thoughts about the subjects Price and Simon teach, in the end though I decided to leave it blank because I couldn't be sure

See im from Asia so the education system here is extremely different from the UK/US, and I got kinda confused and overwhelmed with the choices XD so I just left it blank

I was going to write them with STEM majors, but eeerrr Idk, cant really picture Price or Simon as engineer or medicine lecturers(iykyk)(rise up my STEM sisters and brothers-)

Perhaps you can give me some thoughts about it, I was thinking something about History for Price, then something about Linguistic/Statistic/Psychology for Simon

Okay, Gaz also made an appearance on the fic((of course he did, my precious bb)), now for him I have a solid idea to make him Pharmacology based or at least somewhere along the healthcare sector, hence the Dr

I might, also bring Soap in the future, but I dont know how or what his role will be yet (gym tutor? physical therapist?)

Will I make this into a poly thing? Im not sure, probably not XD but I might do a special moment with Gaz bcuz im that bias

oh yeah, forgot add on, but yes there's a reason for the name changes(Mr Riley to Simon) and name that stayed (Prof Price), its just to further show that Price has the power and all the sayings (you know cuz he is the Captain originally so I wanted to bring that over)

You wanna call him John? mmmm that's gonna take some convincing and time >:)

Lastly, some future plans (no promises) - nsfw here

many h0rny, many ideas, many tired

anyways, Im thinking of xreader individually fic(like Price x you then Simon x you separately), then eventually building it up to both of them destroying you in threesome manner (lovingly)

I want. I want to write Price being mEAN YALL-

Like him bullying you and putting a vibrat0r inside you and force you to come out to write something on the board in front of everyone, dialing up the intensity as you try your hardest not to cum right there

or or or or or

thinking about c0ckwarming under his desk- raaasdajdgajdh

then Simon...oh sweet sweet Simon

Im thinking maybe dom!reader, just a maybe.

Riding him until he's a whimpering sobbing mess

Idk if anyone remembered, but u know this part?

:)

yeah, maaaaaybe Simon has that exhibitionism kink

so lets abuse that shall we

thinking of doing it in the car park/in his car, you giving him head under the steering wheel as he pulls down the car window slightly to talk to a student who just wanted to chat

Poor him trying to be calm and steady his tone as his knuckles turned white, hands clammy as you suck harder, not giving a damn if you're going to draw attention

or or or or or or or

going back to the riding part, tying him up with his tie, not letting him touch you as you ride that dick like your life depends on it, you hear him begging and whimpering, bucking his hips up desperately

im very unwell

ANYWAYS, ye so far, these are the only ideas I have atm, but don't expect me to write it so soon haha

If im gonna be honest, this blog was created when I had a massive art block, and then somehow (even until today!!) my soft fics blew up and ye it escalated from there

not really but also- If you see me write a fic, its usually bcuz im struggling with art, likewise if you followed me on @gomzdraws or twitter, you would notice im more active cause I think for me, drawing is easier than writing

im grateful to be able to express in two mediums tho, even tho I suck at it haha

but I do sincerely want to make this into a series, so I thank everyone for being patience with me, I appreciate it

Ogeh, *brings out a briefcase* recommendation time

if you like Prof AUs, then boi do I have some fics for you here in tumblr

Guyfierii has a long Prof series and they're wonderful

mehh141's amAZING PROF PRICE ART IM CRYING-

Shroomie (one of the first few blog I was exposed to when I started reading cod fics :D) made 2 Prof fics as well - sadly I dont think they're active since April because of uni :(

ajhdkadh sleepyconfusedpotato, the god of both being a great artist and oc!fic writer made a post a while ago about tf141 possible Professor headcannons - give it a look if ya interested

that is all from me, and btw don't feel obligated to comment or send me a text or anything!! The fact that you made it till the end is already making me happy :D thanks for reading my babbling and points LMAO

Have a nice day/night friends :)

[general-kalani]

Joseph's abilities (this is completely my own shit no one look at me LMFAO-) will add to this more in the future. Will also appreciate judgement on these because they're not 100% final

~`~

Pre-Far Cry 5 abilities: -> Speaking to the dead is one of the earliest known abilities Joseph has unknowingly used. Though mostly used for the recently departed for short moments in time. This was however 'beaten out' of him shortly after he talked about it.

~`~

Far Cry 5 abilities: -> Can see "auras" of people. Though they're only faint shapes, the intensity of them or colour can show what they are to him. A werewolf will have a bigger aura, a demon will have a red one, vampires have a really intense and dark aura.

-> Hearing the Voice means to some extent he can hear ghosts. Kinda fucked up when you think about it.

-> When someone is dealing with a headache or something mental that causes them pain, he can kiss their forehead and give them temporary relief for a few hours.

-> Though he gets his Visions from the Voice, it can't be denied how accurate and how detailed they are. Yes he uses them to further his cause but 90% of the time they're a warning (such as the off-handed line from Jacob saying "you did everything he said you would")

-> He can see when someone is hung up on trauma and he can place his hand on their chest (over their heart) to help them lighten the burden on their heart temporarily. Lasts an hour or two but if continuously done it can potentially help someone permanently.

-> Has to some extent shown he can heal wounds. Although the wounds heal on the person who received them, he takes on the wounds himself.

-> Telekinesis is one barely anyone will notice but has shown itself in the fact things will only move under intense emotion. He's yet to get a handle over this power.

-> Immunity to fall damage is the most bizarre ability of his that most would not expect yet has very little use in practical terms.

-> The ability to smite his enemies from a distance out of a mix of anger and frustration, it appears to come down as a very bright, yellow lightning strike. During this time his eyes appeared to glow a yellow-ish white. Some time afterwards if trying to interact with him and touch him, there will be a 'static shock' to whoever attempted it.

~`~

New Dawn abilities (This is thanks to the apple stuff lmfao): -> His "aura" reading gets such an upgrade to the point of actually making out everything in detail. Werewolves forms are completely shown to him, vampires still retain their dark aura however their physical form is shown to him. Demons can't hide behind their human disguise to him.

-> Inhuman strength (picking up his SON for example) which makes for a surprise since he's still thin as all hell.

-> His Visions are much more intense. What could last hours for him might just pass for a few minutes. Happens most during prayers. Uses this to try and avoid what happens to Ethan to little success.

-> Although it hasn't been truly seen yet, it's been rumoured he has been teleporting, appearing in places faster than should be possible. No one has proof of this happening however except the New Edeners spreading such rumours.

-> The healing of wounds no longer makes him take on the wounds from the victim, when he heals a wound it is completely healed with no negatives afterwards.

-> Telekinesis is far better under control to the point he can pull items or people to himself. Although it does become uncontrolled when under intense emotion as before.

-> Telepathy is a new ability for him that has yet to really make an impact, however he has been living in the mountains for a long, long time so bringing him back to civilisation of his people will perhaps prove detrimental more than helpful.

-> Projection is another new ability for him, being able to appear at distant locations while being in another, disabling the need to have Cain or anyone else to act for him. Though it takes a heavy mental toll and he can't keep it active for more than a few minutes straight at a time. He also appears to be able to handle and shoot weapons while projecting as well.

-> His talking to the dead ability resurfaces here, being able to not only talk to them no matter how long deceased they were but also visit where they are and hold a conversation for a while. But he's still getting used to it, and things can still go wrong.

-> An ability that hasn't been on the radar before until now has been one that prevents death. He can act dead, go down to a shot but he'll always come back up. Blood will, however, still stain him even if he's survived a gunshot or otherwise.

[emblazons]

hey marie <3 I've been experiencing byler doubt as of late for some strange reason?? And you're one of my favorite analysts so what would you say is like ... the moment or thing that made you actually consider Byler would be endgame?

oooh, I'm sorry to hear that! Honestly there are still some days when the weight of discourse in this fandom gives me little flairs of discomfort about the state of their relationship in S5, even though revisiting the show itself almost immediately assuages most of my fears because fuller context for me has always been most comforting? But...hmm.

I think more than anything—and these two points are really what my "favorite byler things" hinge on, more than the moments themselves—I first remember that the entire show can be subjected to the same scrutiny and level of detail as Byler (even independent of it), which helps me remember that seeing and even looking for evidence of the relationship between them isn't just me indulging my desire to ship them—it's digging into something that The Duffers and the 2000-strong ST production team put there.

Things like them reusing the track Girls on Film to parallel an idea between two scenes with Nancy, paralleling moments of depression between El and Max to show us their bond even from a distance and using set design to show a character trait about Jonathan show that the little details I pick up on for byler are intentional the same way the rest of the show is...and I'm not being unduly invested looking for them, the way a lot of byler critics claim when they say byler's are "delusional" and "reading too much into it."

Second, I remember that I am the audience for the show according to the Duffer Brothers—that they've made clear that it's people like me they're catering to, who love movies, filmmaking and indulge their nerdiest interests even when it means being "less adult" than one perhaps should be in the eyes of the people around them—on top of the fact that they have repeatedly said their story is mapped out and intentional, which means what I see on the screen and put together from "studying" it was designed that way, and isn't just a series of random choices or Finn "deciding" to make flirty eyes at Noah (lmfao).

Once I keep those to things at the fore of my mind, it's easier to accept that what I saw on screen even before I deep dived the whole show were 1) designed for me to catch and 2) intentional...which leaves me with the ability to trust that all of these things—

Mike and Will showing repeated and unprompted signs of attraction to each other mutually, while showing signs of deep emotional connection outside of just the simple bounds of friendship

Mike re-prioritizing his relationship with Will, to the point of saying he was over-invested in El, while also asking Will to be closer to him (which he kept up, all the way to the very last shot of the season)

Will's romantic feelings now being blended inherently with the painting, even though the painting could have easily been written as a platonic gesture if the duffers wanted it to be

Mlvn’s communication (verbal and nonverbal) breaking down in S4 without a single bit of promoting from the audience before it dropped, to the point where Will’s feelings are the romantic ones underpinning Mike’s perception of El & El is no longer behaving romantically forward him, even given the “I love you” that was meant to resolve the tension in their relationship

The fact that I can connect these events to several other moments across all seasons, because the concepts and relational dynamics aren’t new to S4—only the context is

—are good enough reason to believe that the story is headed toward romantic!Byler, while actively moving away from romantic!mlvn.

I think, at the end of the day, the reason why I believe in Byler is because I’m familiar with The Duffers as storytellers, have been invested in their show since S1, and Byler makes sense for the show thematically—it fits into the narrative, doesn’t require any wild jumps to recognize (neither does the end of mlvn, to be honest) and—probably most importantly—the details like color coding, where people are standing in the final shot, and even the insanity of that one way sign into the closet Mike has are just details designed to bring life to the story…not what I’m basing my understanding of the story on itself.

Basically: I believe in byler because that’s where the story is pointing, and I feel I have a solid grasp on the story and characters in several sections of the show, not just the byler one. Revisiting the show over the course of the year has only strengthened my sense of that—and even when I do doubt, it’s the show itself that reminds me why I believed it in the first place, rather than anything that goes on throughout the fandom side of things.

I don't know if that helps you, but it's what keeps my confidence steady throughout the ups and downs of fandom! And also...literally nothing confused me worse than vol ii when it dropped...and now I feel like it presented some of the most important moments for building toward romantic!byler, so. I feel pretty confident in my interpretation of the events of the show now lmao.

thanks for the ask!

and also...outside of all this: the moment that made me catch onto byler as an option fully as an "invested GA" was Will and Mike at the airport, because...that shit was crazy to watch for the first time honestly. My jaw was on the floor like "oh shit, they're really doing this?" and it just. never came back up the rest of the season LOL

[vrisrezis]

Yo so I saw ur campus au yan Geto and holy shit I'm interested. Tho, I wanna know how you see yan! Geto looks like in non-campus au like the normal au where they gotta deal with the curses n shits

I think he’s pretty much the same except 10x more protective given the curses situation. It depends though on the personality you have. I think geto (before he defected) would be very set on protecting you cause you’re a god to him. He’s not only your loyal servant/slave, he is also a bodyguard. As a result would be protective even if you can handle yourself, but if you tell him off he 100% will only jump in when you ask. Cause like.. he treats your word as law. I don’t think he’d have murderous tendencies toward people, only curses that may hurt you, which is socially acceptable. He keeps his anger and jealousy to himself when it comes to gojo and perhaps any friends you may have had, but once rika dies his protectiveness of you is at an all time high regardless of what you say to him. He’s too depressed and he lost somebody important to him, he truly can’t live if he no longer has you. This only grows worse when haibara dies as well, it’s unbearable how overbearing he becomes, but it’s hard to deny him when he’s clearly going through a crazy depressive episode. And then … he meets nanako and mimiko and decides he’s had enough. He would try to convince you to join him, unlike with everyone else, but he understands if you don’t agree. But he needs to do this. If you say no, he does plan attacks against humans, but any potential fights involving you he will make sure you don’t die or get hurt from. He makes absolute sure you’re never caught in the crossfire (he stalks you now too btw). He wants to create a world without non shamans, to protect sorcerers, to protect you. But he thinks about you a lot.. he wishes you were there alongside him. His obsession for you only grows the more time you spend apart.

Also bonus since kenjaku canonically inherits a lot of getos quirks.. if getos feelings for u were passed onto kenjaku… good fuckin luck lmfao… tough soldier 🫡

[featherlouise]

Idk if you ever mentioned it before, but in Radi fucking dies speedrun edition, how is Hollow's relationship with their mother like? What does she think of her husband's overprotectivness over them?

I think I’ve briefly mentioned it?? I’m ngl I’ve kinda been neglecting WL in like. All my AUs. I need to step up lmao she doesn’t deserve that shit

So!! I’ll try to make this quick lmfao

WL and Hollow’s relationship isn’t strained persay, unlike PK, WL hasn't allowed herself to care for them. She's kinda locked the motherly side of herself away for her own sake, to the point where she didn't even cry at the funeral, all she felt was a distant, detached kind of sadness.

It wasn't until they show up in her gardens a couple weeks after waking up, being dragged by Hornet bc "you PROMISED you'd play with me when u got better and now you're better so PLAY WITH ME!!"

And as she watches them dote on their baby sister, it really hits her that they're alive. They're not the cold husk of what was supposed to be her Child, they are her child. They have been her child for the past 15 years, and what has she done but ignore them every chance she had.

Suddenly a ton of small moments in their childhood were completely recontextualised. When Hornet was a toddler and they'd just stare as WL held her. The way that, when they were really small, when she still thought she could be a mother to the Pure Vessel, even if only in small ways, they'd lean into her touch, just slightly. And then when she stopped trying to touch them, they'd sometimes twitch towards her, in such a small movement that she thought she'd imagined it, as if they were seeking out her touch, her affection.

How is she supposed to make up for years of neglect?? Their childhood is over, they don't need a mother anymore. Surely she missed her chance to forge a meaningful relationship with them.

So. She does nothing.

For 6 months.

During which time, Hollow has begun to crawl out of their shell, show more of their personality. They're no longer afraid to express opinions, and have forged real friendships with the Knights. It's not an uncommon sight to see them running around after their baby sister, no longer bothering with the pretence that "I was told to watch her, so that's what I'm doing."

There is one slight problem though.

There's an infamous story in the palace, of a time when more than a dozen guards came stampeding in to the queen's garden in the palace, trampling over all her flower beds. In the end, the walls of the corridor leading to the gardens had a few more uh. Decorations. Than it had previously.

It took 3 days to free everyone.

Long story short!! No guards are allowed into the Queen's gardens unless they have express permission.

So!! After receiving many complaints via letters, Herrah suggests maybe taking a picnic down to the gardens the next time she and Hornet visit. It's a day free from their guards AND perhaps a way to force their mother to FINALLY fucking talk to them.

It's awkward at first, neither of them know each other particularly well, so Herrah and Hornet carry the conversation. But!! At some point, Herrah mentions Hollow's desire to learn how to garden (something they've offhandedly mentioned a couple of times) and WL practically jumps at the chance to offer to teach them.

Thus begins their weekly lessons. Hollow gets a day free of their constant guards, and they both get to bond over a common interest.

There is, however, the underlining concern that despite how many times they've complained to her about their entourage, she refuses to do anything about it. Surely she could at least try to talk to their father, but the few times they've suggested it, she just brushes them off or changes the subject.

Honestly, to an extent she's glad that her husband is so protective. She's missed so much of their life that now she actually has a relationship with them?? She's terrified of their time being cut short. And there's also a small part of her that's afraid that if they no longer need to take solace in her gardens, the visits and lessons will stop entirely. She can't take that chance.

Regardless, they do have a pretty good relationship by the time the confrontation happens.

"I'lL tRy To MaKe ThIs ShOrT" get fucked past me

[revasserium]

milk anon here! i sadly don't really have any tips or tricks that i know works, because i also fall into periods of creative drought. i don't think it's as bad as what you're going through though. something i am trying to work on is to make sure that i treat writing more like a muscle to be trained (like the age old saying) than something i do when i'm in the spur of the inspiration. however, i know you also wrote as a job, so i'm not sure if this might apply to you as you're probably used to writing on command? regardless, i know it's tough. it's okay if you just don't create for long periods of time too. perhaps this is your body demanding a break? do drink water and i hope you're alright... is it too personal to ask why you cried? are you doing okay? sorry i haven't been that responsive, but i deleted my sideblog and from here onwards i'll tag my asks with my other blog. @milkstore

hi milk anon!!!! its good to hear from you darling <3 and yes -- once upon a time, when i was doing writing for work, i could just kinda like "turn it on" like a switch, but that was mostly because there was a) money involved (lmfao $$$ is great motivation tbh) and b) the plot is handed to me so i didn't have to think/be inspired so it was all in all a pretty different settup.

i'm not too too worried about it bc i've had longer periods than this where i dont really write/output that much, and i've come back from it -- it guess it's just a bit frustrating for me because all those other times its felt like external factors, right -- work got busy, people were visiting, etc etc, but this time its like well i'm not super busy, and there isn't so much going on but i just don't feel like it... LMFAO

re: crying -- LMAO it was bc i watched the haikhyuu movie in theatres and waS SUPER MOVED and i was upset that i couldn't watch it on streaming; i was also in the DEPTHS of my period so... the emotions were running high for sure.

i'm okay tho!!! im on pto right now visiting my fam in california and that always picks me right up <3 i love my parents and being home always feels great -- i already feel a bit more inspired hehhehee

how're u doing !!! what have u been up to? :D <3

[finhere]

The current arc of HftH is going well

[brick-a-doodle-do]

i am LATE because i was going to upload this when i hit 100 followers but now i have more than that so i can’t say that this is for that milestone anymore but STILL have this giant foster oneshot that was initially going to be a random h/c oneshot but for some reason turned into fanfiction of a fanfiction lmfao

also it won #2 in the forms so legally i have to post it /hj

ANYWAY,,,,,

this is frommm @oh-i-need-a-name’s giant foster au but i’d be surprised if you didn’t know what that was by now dsjfhdnf /lh 

don’t fall

words: 2002

tw: swearing, panic, mention of death/injury

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He had been looking forward to getting a good night’s rest in a bed that was fit for a giant rather than a human, even if he wasn’t looking to express his excitement. But, now, as Tommy stared at Wilbur, he greedily came to the conclusion that sleep was entirely out of the picture at this point. The blond hadn’t moved from his spot on the nightstand yet, though he was unfortunately coming to terms with the fact that sitting atop the wooden surface would not be an option for long, for it was both uncomfortable, and a terrible place for him to attempt sleep. Besides, he’d need the help of a giant to shut the lamp behind him off, he’d never be able to reach the switch.

Sighing heavily, almost grumbling, Tommy shifted his gaze down to the pillow resting beside the one Wilbur was leaning against. He stared at it for a long while, debating whether or not he’d be making the decision to soak up the comfort of the white fabric, carelessly sinking into the pile of covered feathers. He wanted that, for sure, but he also didn’t want to risk a conversation full of retorts with the brunet.

Again, Tommy looked to his “brother”.

Then, back down to the pillow.

Fucking hell. It was Phil’s fault – if he’d simply let Techno share a bed with Wilbur, or perhaps had Wilbur share a bed with himself, then this entire affair could’ve been completely avoided, and Tommy would be soaking in the warmth the pillow offered, with a hand he trusted safely draped over his body as he finally got the sleep he’d been so eager to experience.

Unfortunately that was not the case, and he very much had an unfamiliar giant sitting next to him.

As Tommy studied the man for a while longer, taking in the bored expression he displayed while staring at the white hue of his screen, Tommy realized that perhaps he’d be able to get lucky. Maybe, if he found his way down onto the bed while Wilbur was distracted, then maybe he’d get a dialogue-free trip. He fucking hopes so.

Tommy only waits a few seconds after having that sudden thought. He shifts up, eyes never leaving the brunet. He keeps a steady gaze on him as he makes slow, brawny steps towards the edge of the nightstand. From there, Tommy breaks his stare and directs it downwards, where he nervously runs through every worst-case scenario in his head.

And, suddenly, yet another thought occurred to him. 

This asshole of a brother had decided from day one to be a complete, utter dick to him. From yelling, to taunting him, to doing whatever the hell else he managed to do in order to traumatize Tommy in the short amount of time they’ve known each other, Wilbur certainly has made a negative mark on his small form. So much so that every little decision Tommy finds himself coming across, he has to stop and decide which route to choose, simply because a certain brunet might be right around the damn corner.

Perhaps he shouldn't let that fear continue. And…hopefully he won’t die this evening because of this change of mindset.

Tommy huffed, sitting down at the edge of the wooden table. He let his legs dangle as he peered down to where he hoped to land. In between the two pieces of furniture was a small gap. Small for a giant, that is. For a human, it’s a ravine that’s far too high a fall for him to walk out of with little but a minor injury. In fact, he’ll be lucky if he wakes up.

Logically, Tommy knew that the best, and decidedly the safest thing to do would be to ask a giant for help. However, Tommy didn't see that as a good enough reason to wake Phil and Techno up, so he decided to take matters into his own hands. 

He stared down a while more, silently calculating his plan. The only thing he really could do was push himself off and hope for the best, but it still helped his unorganized mind. Kind of. 

Tommy sucked in a breath, looking down one final time before finally pushing himself off of the night stand, falling to what he really fucking hopes to be the mattress. 

But, it seems he overestimated just how far said mattress actually was. Tommy realized this immediately and went into panic, hopelessly grabbing at open air as he descended closer to the ground, closer to death. He let out a gasp of air when his hands finally collided with something that stopped him from falling any further. His knuckles turned white as he gripped onto the sheet blanket, taking rushed breaths while he tried to pull himself up. His lack of strength cut this plan short, though. He yelped as he slipped, the material burning at his hands. 

“Wilbur!” 

Tommy mentally froze at his own words. There were people in this room that he cared for much more than Wilbur, and yet in an act of panic he’d still foolishly called out his name. Tommy let out a string of curses, preparing for the worst as he called out again, “Wilbur, help me, please fucking help me!” Tommy released his grip on the sheet to adjust it higher up, and as he reached with the other hand to do the same, he felt it slip, leaving him dangling by one arm. He put his legs against the mattress and tried to climb that way, and got as far as managing to rise half an inch before the slickness of the bedding undid his insignificant progress. “Wilbur!” he screamed out the brunet’s name. Only a moment later, Tommy was looking down while he subtly watched the large shadow cast over him, and soon after his weight was being shifted onto Wilbur’s hand. He leaned back into the skin, waves of relief crashing over him tenfold. He flexed his fingers out, laughing quietly to himself while listening to his pounding heartbeat in his ears.

As soon the man’s hand stopped moving, though, Tommy was as alert as ever and scrambled up, now having to deal with the fact that he’d willingly let himself be in Wilbur’s grip. Anxiety built back up inside of him. Wilbur shifted around, now sitting where Tommy’d hoped to sleep for the night. “Tommy, you need to be careful,” he murmured, clearly everything but concerned for the tiny, but instead rather mad over the fact that Tommy couldn't help but end up falling, and the only reason he did fall was because he feared Wilbur. 

Suddenly, the movement stopped, and Tommy found two brown eyes settling on him and him only. He scooted back, trying to calm himself by being as far away from that dick as he can be. They stared at each other, both of them too afraid to move. Together they sat in an awkward silence, simply gazing at each other’s features. Tommy noticed the gentle shake in Wilbur’s hands, like he was the one who feared Tommy. But, it was the other way around, very much so. In fact, when he felt that this had gone on long enough and the feeling that the brunet was going to try something, he did the best thing he could: swear. 

“Fucking put me down, don’t stare at me.”

Wilbur sighed, something of irritation showing on his face now that the human had spoken up. Something in Tommy told him that Wilbur might take the words personally and defend himself with more than words, but he tried his best to ignore it. He just sat in the man’s palm, patiently waiting for anything to happen. And, eventually, he felt the world move again as Wilbur’s hand made slowed movements towards the pillow beside them. 

Once Tommy was close enough, he stepped onto the pillow and took a long step away from Wilbur. He watched the brunet subtly roll his eyes and shuffle to turn the lamp off. The two of them remained quiet while they got situated. Tommy eventually found himself reluctantly sitting down despite his undying urge to stand in case something happens, while Wilbur huffed harshly and pulled the covers over him, his back facing the human. Tommy’s eyes slowly adjusted to the dark. They begged to be closed for the night, but he was too aware of everything Wilbur did to even consider sleeping. He simply sat with legs folded, eyes boring into Wilbur’s back. 

He didn’t know how much time had passed, but soon enough his mind was also buzzing with tire. So, he laid on the cool material and tried to find it in him to fall asleep. However, he couldn’t get past doing something as easy as closing his eyes before they were snapping open again and he was returning his attention back to the man. The brunet shuffled in the bed, eventually stopping only when he was no longer facing the rest of the room, but instead Tommy. His eyes were closed and he looked to be sleeping, but Tommy knew that even if his face looked the part, the giant’s mind was still planning the next “little” thing he’d do to Tommy. It was night, and more importantly dark, the rest of the family was asleep, and Tommy couldn’t easily be seen. Everything seemed to unintentionally go perfectly. Not for Tommy, but for Wilbur.

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

Tommy tensed, his brows furrowing while his heart rate picked up. He fucking knew Wilbur was awake. But, those words were some he wasn't expecting. Not that Tommy believes them, definitely not; it’s going to take a lot more than a lousy sentence to truly convince him. “What?” he replied quietly.

“I know you think I’m going to. I don’t like you, but I don’t want to hurt you again, Tommy,” Wilbur mumbled, his eyes now opened and staring at Tommy. The blond huffed in amusement, “I don’t know what you’re trying to do, but I’m never going to fucking believe you.” 

Wilbur sighed and shrugged, only this time seeming much more relaxed and less irritated than before.

The brunet seemingly drifted off again, and Tommy let himself try to do the same.

But, yet again, his attempt was disturbed. 

His eyes opened then widened when he realized that maybe Wilbur’s words had a bit more meaning than he’d thought. The giant’s hand was draped over him, providing warmth that should’ve felt nice against the chilly air but instead made him feel trapped. His eyes landed on Wilbur, who remained “asleep”. 

“Wilbur, stop,” Tommy tried, but all he got was the hum of the air conditioner; the brunet remained quiet and unmoving. Until of course the man decided to curl his fingers around Tommy’s small form and pull him closer and closer to what he could’ve sworn was his death. However, instead, he was simply tucked gently under Wilbur’s chin, feeling oddly comfortable in the loose fist he was in. Sure, yes, he was in the hands of a guy who’d mentally tortured him for weeks among months, but everything felt so suddenly quiet in the moment that the past slipped from his mind completely. They didn’t say anything for the remainder of the night, especially not after they finally managed to both drift off for the night.

And, Tommy would never admit this, seeing as he still had a facade to hold up and a lingering fear of Wilbur, but even though Techno and Phil weren’t there, he still managed to get the sleep he came there for. In fact, even now as the sun was high in the sky, he still had yet to release the brunet’s forefinger.

Wilbur would never admit this either, but it warmed his heart to know that Tommy cut his fear off short, even if it was just for the night, so he could soak in the comfort of his almost-brother.

───────────────────────────────────────────

[forbidding-souda]

For another request what about Junko, Mikan, Kaz , Gundam, Korekiyo & Fuyuhiko finding out that they are soul bonded to a Wendigo s/o ? ( Oh btw can it be the emaciated skeletal deer kinda looking interpretation, I prefer & like that one.) - 🐺 Ps - I just realised I forgot to put the wolf emote for the dragon shifter ask oops my bad.

Junko Enoshima, Mikan Tsumiki, Kazuichi Souda, Gundham Tanaka, Korekiyo Shinguuji and Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu finding out they're soul bonded to a wendigo S/O

would like to preface that i am a native american and while i do believe in them i do not believe that typing the word will summon them (though recognize that I'm avoiding it unless necessary just in case LMFAO).

i'm doing the way they actually look so if you wan imagine antlers on it then you totally can. they're still emaciated. they're just furless. and large.

-Mod Souda

Junko Enoshima

❤ Are you in the slow process of becoming one? She probably found out that you were something mythical just by analyzing your behavior. Perhaps your greed has shifted your human instincts - it has made you something more recognizable as other. Junko would probably provoke you, the chance of you being a mythical creature were… slim? Probably? Honestly, she had no idea how likely it is, and she would feel a great despair in learning that her analyzing ability has a fault. Once she learns (or in this case, she figured it out) that the two of you are soul-bonded she sees a great pride in this. She definitely tries to use your negative aura in the same way she uses Mukuro’s military abilities. She has you kill people for her and help her get out of sticky situations.

It drips from your chin, the water now cold, mixed with the chilled blood. She holds no worry, she’s patient, plus you’re content. She has to make sure you’re clean before she kisses you.

She holds a wet rag in her hand as she wipes you down. Your sunken eyes stay on her, not as a caution, but rather in admiration. She’s caring for you as if you were human again.

Truly, she does not seem to treat you any differently and it's odd. You are not the same as her - so why does she seem to think so?

❤ But she still holds an intense love for you because of how unique and dangerous you are.

❤ She loves knowing that something as powerful as you - powerful than most humans - loves her and accepts her for the ‘villain’ that she makes herself out to be.

❤ You’ll be there when the world falls apart, and you’ll be by her side whether you want to or not.

❤ Unlike everyone else she loves, she’s not too passionate about killing you or planning your murder. She predicts that you would be able to overpower anyone - it would make your murder boring. She would simply be sad, not in despair. What would be more despair-worthy is your accidental death. ‘Accidental’ is a loose word - sometimes she sends you on dangerous missions, and when she waits for you to return she is twisting and turning in her seat anxiously, excitedly.

❤ She loves scratching the sides of your head similar to how somebody would pet something adorable and tiny (as if you aren’t larger than her).

❤ She always cleans your bloodied face.

❤ Coming into too much contact with a wendigo can turn you into one as well. I’ll just leave that there.

❤ Also where she went to school before Hope's Peak is by crazy mountains and forests so if she were to meet you at any time it would be there.

.

Mikan Tsumiki

❤ The soul bonding is the thing that keeps you together. Without that, there would be no allure towards you - she would be scared, terrified, even. She would be scared of you purposely hurting her. She doesn’t like getting hurt and she doesn’t feel safe around dangerous, large things. Though, Mikan has always been a bit twisted. When you hurt other people, she enjoys watching, keeping an eye on you as you devour subjects. She thinks to herself there’s the main artery, bite there, or even worse, avoid that area to make them suffer for longer.

(something glitchy happeend here so if you can see it then my bad)

She grabs ahold of the ankle, trying to drag it that way. Manuel work is not something that she's always used to. There are paramedics that transports patients onto the lift, there are specific nurses that handle the movement of the dead ones. She's never been asked to partake in any of that - so this is something new to her.

She tried a bag, she tried a suitcase, but the rocky and dense environment proved to be hard on her. You'd smell her coming anyway, what's the point in trying to hide it?

In her hands is another dead body for you to consume. You who could be considered a decomposer.

❤ Funny HC Despair Mikan would try to have sex with you.

❤ She likes it when you curl into her and cuddle against her chest.

❤ The time the two of you spend around each other is very short - she is very busy, often traveling all around the country, going to different islands to take care of people, where you prefer to stay in the same place.

❤ But when you guys get together then there is so much cuddling and touching, she loves wrapping her arms around your neck and holding you close.

❤ She feels love through the physical contact you give her.

❤ To be fair the only reason you don’t kill her is because you’re soul bonded.

❤ But also greed can go beyond food - you could be greedy for her affection, too. She’d probably enjoy the attention.

.

Kazuichi Souda

❤ After his first encounter with you, he had never-ending nightmares. He could hardly sleep at night, worrying that the giant creature in the woods was going to find him and kill him. Which, he is right, you did find him, but your lurking never went outside of that. You knew he would be haunted by you - and at that point, your ‘work was already done’. To lure him closer, all you had to do was disappear. And it worked, he couldn’t think of anything other than you. You could feel whenever you crossed his mind. You could feel how far he was and how close he was getting until finally, he was yours.

He splashes you, immediately getting your attention away from the deer walking nearby. It's perky eyes were in contact with yours. You almost began to strike. With the water to your waist, you have a fun time hopping around through it, circling a clothless Kazuichi.

His hair leaves pink trails down his body. He dyes it rather frequently. It almost looks like blood.

You try to splash him back, the wave not strong enough, on purpose as you're trying not to drown him with one large splash.

A laugh leaves his lips. It's playful and it tingles your senses. You haven't heard somebody laugh in awhile.

He really makes you feel as if you are a mere human again.

❤ Have you ever seen the tiktok audio that says “giving my boyfriend my hand and seeing what he does *silence* *growling - cut off scream*”.

❤ You don’t let him see you feed, you try not to let him see you while you’re bloody.

❤ Most of the time when he comes to see you, you are soaking wet, skin slippery with leaves and dirt clinging to your body. You always wash yourself when you hear him coming.

❤ You almost never talk unless he talks to you first. There, he can hear your hushed voice, your kind intentions but rough delivery.

❤ How does he feel about dating a wendigo? Once it becomes a routine to go visit you, you stop giving him terror and he stops thinking about you every second of the day. Instead, he thinks about you only he sees flowers - should I pick them to give to it? - or things like food - I wonder if they can eat these.

.

Gundham Tanaka

❤ A new animal… good. He is completely heads over tails with you. At first, he thought it was because of his discovery of this ‘new species’. But something was different - he couldn’t figure it out. Maybe it’s because you’re more human than animal, is that why he feels this way? Do you make his heart race because you’re a predator or because you always greet him with a smile and a nudge of your head? You are similar to a vulture - a mammal vulture (else you lay eggs? he doesn’t think so. he also doesn’t want to find out.). You are his little (huge) mammal vulture.

Truly an animal, he writes. Animalistic in nature and often behavior.

Though the speaking patterns are human - more than a raven, for it knows the words it is speaking and can comprehend them on a level higher than mockery.

But it feeds as if it has cravings beyond what we can imagine. It is always hungry, always wanting more of anything.

It's one of the most beautiful creatures I've ever seen.

He writes in his little hand-sized pad, eyes flickering from both your feeding body and the paper. It's for his blog, of course. He talks about you in code a lot.

❤ Whether you live in his house or stay in the woods is really your choice. I just think you’re absolutely going to eat his animals so win some lose some.

❤ Sorry I imagine him playing with you like a cat with a little laser.

❤ Out of all of these characters, he’s probably the one that doesn’t mind staying in the forest all day the most. He’s not social, he doesn’t need the space of other people, he is much more content being alone with you. He has no worry about predators like wolves or certain monkeys - you can take anything down.

❤ You are his great ‘weapon’ (he doesn’t use you as a weapon ever but it fuels his imagination to think that he could).

❤ I believe that he talks about you and brags about you all the time to his friends like Sonia but no one believes him and just thinks it’s another one of his made-up concepts.

❤ He is very good at memorizing your patterns (since he’s an animal breeder it’s probably hormonal). He wonders if there are others of your kind!! You can’t be the only one, right?

❤ He might be so involved in the science behind you that he will eventually come to the conclusion that you were once human (honestly he could have just asked but there’s no fun in that - he likes being smart).

❤ ^ Idk maybe the fact that you can talk influenced this conclusion, who knows.

.

Shinguuji Korekiyo

❤ Ever since he first came across you, he’s known what you are. You are distinguished - a unique folk. He was watching you, you were aware of his presence, deciding not to give him the fear of realizing you knew, so you act clueless. He was beautiful, you wanted to keep him there for as long as you could. Don’t leave, you had begged, your voice echoing through the woods, the environment giving no explanation as to how. He came closer. He’s always been bold. He’s never been very brave, however, so this choice goes beyond him. He knows how dangerous you are - yet his soul was instilling inside him a sense of trust. That’s how he knew something between the two of you was special, it was altering his solemn mindset.

You sniff around his body, trying to think of the sent. America? He smells of deep trees and heavy artificials. Where is it that he came back from?

You cannot tell if he even understands your intention, the way his yellow eyes stay locked on you gives you a sense of caution.

Are you worrying him?

To try and calm him down, you open your mouth, grabbing ahold of it with your mouth and just holding it there peacefully, waiting to see what he would do.

The two of you just stare at each other, his eyes squinting analytically and yours wide with innocence.

"Whatever is the matter?" He soothes, bandaged hand brushing against the sensitive flesh of your face, patting your cheek, to which to let his hair go.

❤ Him keeping his distance is both unintentional and planned. He tries not to have too much contact with you, rather preferring to do simple things like read while you curl up in his lap than sleeping beside you in the wilderness or cuddling.

❤ Literal distance wise, he travels all over the world, and you’re meetings with him are often rare in times where he’s actually doing something and not just traveling for fun.

❤ Though truthfully, most of the time he’s traveling to North America and Canada, meeting with the people in the various tribes and getting their details about the folk of wendigos and whether they believe them or not.

❤ And they do. They do believe them, so much that they will hardly utter the name. So interesting, sometimes, when he’s safe inside, he finds himself muttering the name. Will you hear him? Or will something else?

❤ He lives mainly in a very central part of Osaka so to go near the more nature parts of the area he'd just quickly travel east to east Yao. There's a cute little mountain range over there, too.

.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu

❤ He has a lot of weapons under his wings. He holds a lot of care for both you and Peko - even if you are a new addition to the family. He never thought you would hurt him, even when he witnessed you eating other people alive. The hardest part was convincing Peko that you were not a threat. He worded it as soulmate - you were his soulmate, to which Peko thought about your bloodied mouth and your tight flesh and thought soulmate?

Your large body tries its best to be sneaky. You approach them from behind, showing yourself to the harsh light - such a sunny day it is! You can see the illuminated buildings in the distance, their windows reflecting such pride. You can also see the light in Peko's eyes when she immediately turns your way, drawing her sword, sensing you creeping up behind them.

It doesn't touch the skin of your neck - you're too high for her to reach.

Fuyuhiko turns at her sudden movement.

"There's no threat," he commands, waving her off.

She only retreats when you make a fake purring noise, nudging yourself closer to him to show your interest.

He says, "there's no threat at all."

❤ Tbh you probably didn’t eat him because he’d be a bad meal, shape wise.

❤ He absolutely does use you as a weapon when he can and he’s not really even ashamed of it.

❤ He loves letting you hold him - it feels as if he is being treated as a king. He feels like a god that has a familiar.

❤ He falls asleep against you quite often. You don’t know what to do - he’s so small and thin, he’s so careful. You don’t want to hurt him. When you want to wake him up you just knock your head against his.

❤ Oh there are huge nature-y parts where he lives, he would have no problem visiting you or walking over to your territory. You're practically in his backyard.

[babyboibucky]

Promises, promises

Pairing: AU!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You believed that promises are meant to be broken but Bucky always proved you wrong. Until one day, he proved you right.

Word Count: 6,555 (oops I got carried away lol)

Warnings: Angst, a tiny bit of self-doubt but with a happy ending!!!

A/N: Some tags aren’t working, damn u tumblr! Anyway enjoy the angst and the shitty writing lmfao. Also kinda want to do ficlets for these two??? Like short fics about the happenings in their relationship, their first date, how they dealt with the break up idk, lemme know if anyone’s interested in that xoxo

MAIN MASTERLIST

-

It's been four and a half years since Bucky broke up with you and honestly, you're fine now. Fine, as in you've moved on from him and that you haven't been stalking his Instagram account anymore or have been asking Steve how he's doing since the break up. You're fine now, really.

There was not an ounce of denial left in your body after almost two years of pining and self-blame. But that doesn't mean you've forgotten the pain he caused you when he woke up one day and realized that he didn't need you anymore.

Forgive and forget they often told you and you badly wanted to do so. But it wasn't that easy to do, not when you still feel the pain as if it only happened yesterday.

"What did you say?" your forehead creased as you walked around the kitchen counter, quickly approaching Bucky who had his back to you as he stood in the living room of your shared apartment.

You weren't sure if you heard him right, or if he actually said anything. Perhaps you were just hearing things? Just this morning he woke up and greeted you with his charming smile before pressing a soft peck on your lips. You had cooked breakfast together, laughed together and even talked about what to have for dinner.

Sure, something about his demeanor earlier was a bit off, but you assumed it had something to do about his work and not because he wanted to break up with you.

Right?

"Bucky, what did you say?" you pressed when Bucky remained quiet; he didn't even turn around to face you.

He heaved out a deep sigh, "I said I need space." he murmured.

"What do you mean, Buck?" you asked again, voice small and shaky as you fidgeted with the hem of your shirt.

Of course you knew what exactly Bucky meant by that, but you didn't want to believe it. You were hopeful that maybe this was one of those petty fights you used to have, one where Bucky would spend the night over at Steve's. He'll come around the next day, he always does that. You always woke up to him whispering apologies to your ear and you would say your sorry too.

Bucky rubbed his face with his hand before finally turning to you, "I can't do this anymore." he said, shaking his head before averting his gaze to the floor.

He must have seen the look in your eyes when he faced you. As much as you believed that you were pretty good at hiding your emotions, it never worked on Bucky. He was the only person who could always read you; you could never hide from him.

"Bucky, I don't understand." you let out a nervous chuckle as you hugged yourself, biting your lower lip to prevent them from quivering as you held back the urge to cry.

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, "I just...you've been too...fuck, I don't know how to say this without hurting you. I really don't want to." he admitted dejectedly, looking up at you.

You scoffed, "Just fucking say it, Bucky. I'm already hurt just by having this conversation." you told him.

"You're too good for me. Way too good."

Bucky’s words echoed in your mind again as you laid your eyes on him, four and a half years after your break-up. And just like that, you were back to square one.

You did your best to avoid him after he left, you felt like Bucky too tried to do the same. It was harder than you thought, given that you belonged to the same circle of friends. There were missed birthday parties, anniversaries and get togethers. If you knew Bucky was going to be there, you’d bail. Thank god you had a bunch of understanding friends who never took your absences against you.

But an engagement party between two of your friends? Now that was something you wouldn’t want to miss out on.

You’ve been really happy for quite a while now, to the point that it never crossed your mind that Bucky would surely be attending as well. He had been out of your system since the day you decided to move past him, which is why you thought that you were finally a-okay.

Tonight proved you wrong because as you watched Bucky smile and greet your friends, you realized that you still wanted to punch him and hurt him and tell him that you were still in lo—

“Hi.”

You were too focused on daydreaming about how you wanted to hurt Bucky that you failed to notice that he made his way to you and was now waiting for you to greet him back.

Bucky was smiling at you the same way he did on the night you first met at a college house party. You and Bucky have been together for that long.

“Hi.”

The music was too loud that you missed out on the stranger’s greeting, if not for his shadow looming over your hunched figure as you sat on the staircase, you would’ve completely ignored him.

The guy was looking down at you with a charming smile that made your cheeks turn pink. He was tall and slightly muscular, something you noticed right off the bat all thanks to the tight red henley he was sporting. The guy had long hair too, but it was tied back into a low man bun that was messy enough to leave tendrils of stray hair to frame his handsome face.

“Hi.” He repeated with a chuckle, a hint of amusement laced in his tone as he bit his lip at the sight of you just staring up at him.

“Hi?” You stammered awkwardly.

He laughed, “Um, can I pass through or is there some sort of password required?”

You realized that you had been blocking his way, everyone’s way actually. Quickly, you apologized and stood up to leave your spot only for the guy to block your way before you could even hop off of the last step of the staircase.

Thinking that you must have confused him and the direction you intended to go, you murmured a soft apology again before sidestepping him but to no avail. You looked up at him with a frown when you noticed that he was intentionally blocking your way.

It didn’t help that he was way taller than you. Despite the one being on the last step of the staircase, the guy still loomed over you.

“Excuse me?” You snapped and tried to move past him but he was way bigger than you and managed to stop you from passing through.

He had a cheeky smile on as he watched your futile attempt to squeeze your way out of his large body. You huffed out when he held onto the rail while his other hand on the wall, completely trapping you on the staircase.

“What’s the password?” He asked, still grinning at you.

You deadpanned, “Are you kidding me?”

He shook his head, “Nope.”

You stared at him blankly before glancing at his hands, observing whether you had a chance at prying them away from where they held on. It was then that you noticed how his left hand was covered in tattoos. The sleeve of his henley rode up quite a bit to reveal that his tattoos reached his wrist, he probably had his entire left arm sleeved with ink.

“Can I please pass?” You huffed out when you concluded that there was no way you would be able to escape him.

“Like I said, I need a password.” He insisted.

“Penis.” You stated, face free from any sort of expression.

The guy choked on his laughter, “Why would you honestly think that?” He asked incredulously.

You shrugged, “I thought you guys liked dick jokes.” You reasoned out.

The guy laughed as he shook his head, “Well, you’re not wrong.”

“It’s not the password?” You asked. “Don’t I get a hint or something, I really don’t have time for games right now. I have to go back to my dorm. I have a test tomorrow.” You told the guy.

“I can’t believe you’re thinking about a test. What’s your major anyway?” He asked.

You groaned, “Like I said, I don’t have time for games or even for a conversation. Come on, just let me pass through!”

The guy hummed as he stared at you, as if he was thinking of something. You wanted to look away but he had beautiful ocean blue eyes that you found yourself slowly getting lost in.

“I’ll give you hints.” He announced. “Two hints actually, because I’m feeling generous.”

“Okay, then. Just spit it out!” You rushed.

The guy grinned.

“The password is made up of your name followed by your number.”

“Hi.”

You blinked when Bucky repeated his greeting. When you regained your senses, you cleared your throat and simply nodded at him as acknowledgment. You saw how Bucky’s smile faltered seconds before you looked away and pretended to look for someone.

“I can’t believe you just brushed me off.” He chuckled, running his fingers through his hair.

Bucky had cut off his hair right after graduation. He sported a clean cut since then but now he had longer locks; not as long as his college hair though. It just looked fluffier, you fought the urge to imagine how it’d feel through your fingers.

“I can’t believe you just expected me to greet you as if nothing happened.” You told him, letting your eyes wander around the place.

Bucky exhaled heavily and shook his head, “I thought we’d be okay by now.” He admitted. “Guess I was wrong.”

You clicked your tongue in irritation, snapping your head into his direction after avoiding his gaze earlier. “I am okay, but that doesn’t mean I am okay with being around you.” You hissed.

“I honestly thought we’d still be friends, you know. Civil at least.”

What has gotten into Bucky’s mind for him to expect a lovely reunion between the both of you? Things didn’t end well, he just left. He was too ambitious to even think that you’d greet him with rainbows and butterflies.

“We’re not friends, Bucky. Not even acquaintances.” You told him.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something until someone tapped on the mic, announcing that the newly engaged couple, Wanda and Vis, had something to say to their guests. By the time he looked back at you, you had already walked away and joined Nat at their table.

It reminded Bucky of the days when he used to watch your back retreat into your dorm whenever he walked you home.

“So, you gonna tell me the password or what?”

You felt all your blood rush to your head and you’ve never been thankful for existence of strobe lights. You were probably red as a tomato. Who wouldn’t be anyway? This handsome dude just asked for your name and number!

“Is this a joke?” You managed to asked and thanked the heavens that you didn’t stutter.

The guy shook his head, “I don’t really joke around.” He shrugged.

“Why do you even want to know my name and number?” you curiously asked.

Bucky shrugged, “Been watching you since you arrived.”

“Creeper.” you accused.

“Hard not to when you’re the only grumpy person in a party. I know your friends dragged you here, I mean you said you have a test tomorrow and you don’t seem the type to party a day before. Besides, you’ve been keeping to yourself the entire time. Figured you might want some company, one with substance.” he boastfully wiggled his eyebrows at you.

His confidence appalled you but you were also surprised at how he seemed to have read your mind. Or personality, in general.

“Hey, Bucky!”

You watched the guy turn his head towards front door where a blonde guy— Steve from the student council, you recognized— entered. You thought it’d give you a chance to slip away but the guy, well Bucky, kept his hands in place.

“Kinda busy right now, pal. I’ll catch up with you later.” He said.

Steve’s gaze moved past Bucky until they landed on you. He chuckled as he shook his head at his friend’s antics. Steve walked away but not without acknowledging you.

“He may not seem like it, but Bucky’s a good guy. You can take my word for it.”

Bucky turned to you and lifted an eyebrow, “I mean, coming from a student council member, that’s a pretty credible source.” He said confidently.

You bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling. You had to admit, Bucky had a way with words and actions. His boyish charm was working on you and you hated how easily you were falling for it. And you just met the guy like ten minutes ago!

“So, what’s the password?” Bucky asked again.

You tapped your foot as you crossed your arms over your chest, “You promise to let me go if I tell you?”

Bucky made a face, “I don’t think that’s the right term because you can expect more of me once you give me the password. But I’ll definitely step aside. That’s a promise.” He reassured.

“Promises are meant to be broken.” You stated.

“Yeah, well watch me prove you wrong. Password? Pretty please?” He asked cutely and fuck, Bucky was really winning you over just like that.

Letting out a defeated sigh, you tell him your name and number. Just as he promised, Bucky stepped aside and quickly fished out his phone to type in your number. You honestly didn’t expect for him to remember it after hearing it once, but you peeked and he actually did. Impressive.

“Like I promised, off you go to study.” He said and motioned his arm towards the front door.

You sighed and offered a small smile before finally walking past him. You were about to open the front door when Bucky beat you to it.

“I told you ‘let go’ is the wrong term ‘cause I’m walking you home tonight.” Bucky said. “And tomorrow night too. And the next night and the next next night. Or afternoon. Morning? Whatever time your classes finish.”

Bucky really proved you wrong that night because he did walk you home the next night and the next next night too. It went on until he no longer had to watch you enter your dorm or apartment because eventually, the two of you ended up going to the same home.

It’s very ironic really, that it was also Bucky who failed to prove you wrong when he broke his promise not to hurt you, ever. You wondered whether it was your fault that you actually believed in him. It was hard not to though, because Bucky’s earned your trust from all the promises he made and kept.

Which is why it was even more painful when one day, he decided to break the one promise you truly held on to.

“I’ll always love you, you know that right?”

Bucky blurted it out randomly that his statement confused the hell out of you. The two of you were just playing a video game when he said it, making you hit pause.

“And where did that come from?” You asked with amusement.

Bucky frowned, “You could’ve reacted differently. I was hoping for a high-pitched ‘awwww!’ and this is what I get?” He teased, taking your chin in between his index finger and thumb to pull you close so he could bite your nose playfully.

“You said it out of the blue!” You told him with a laugh. “But it made me happy though.” You admitted and kissed his cheek.

“Yeah, well it’s true. I mean, this thing we got? It’s forever.” Bucky said and lovingly smiled at you.

You pretended to gag at his words but it was obvious that you felt like you were on cloud nine when Bucky said that. “Cheeseballs!” You teased.

“This cheeseball’s gonna put a ring on that finger one day. That’s a promise!”

A finger snapped right in front of your face, “You good?” Nat asked.

You nodded and tried your hardest not to look at Bucky. He was seated with Steve, Sam and some other guys at the table next to yours. You could feel him staring at you and it was making you anxious.  Nat and Sharon exchanged looks before letting out a sigh in unison.

“Come on, I’m fine. Stop looking at me like that!” You told them with a forced chuckle.

“What did Bucky say?” Sharon asked. She’d seen Bucky approach you upon his arrival, saw the expressions you both had as you talked and knew immediately that it didn’t go well.

Nat hummed before taking a quick sip from her glass of wine, “We’ve been watching and we’re curious.”

“He was expecting for us to be friends.” You simply stated.

Nat and Sharon groaned and rolled their eyes, “What a dick.” Nat said.

“Men really do have the audacity.” Sharon laughed and shook her head.

You joined her laughter and lifted up your own glass of wine, “I’ll drink to that.” You said before finishing your drink in one go.

One glass of wine turned into two and then three and then four. Six drinks later and you were buzzed and unstoppable. You weren’t that drunk, you were good at handling alcohol but you were tipsy for sure. The formalities of the engagement party were finally done and the guests were left to mingle around.

Wanda and Vis immediately went to your table to catch up and after giving them your heartfelt congratulations (and apologies for missing out on plenty of events), you decided to step out of the venue to get some fresh air.

The silence allowed you to process your thoughts, the same thoughts you had repressed for years. You were happy for Wanda and Vis, truly. The two have been the epitome of soulmates and it was only right for them to end up tying the knot. But you also couldn’t help but wonder, would you and Bucky end up in marriage too had he decided to stay and work things out with you?

You lift up your left hand and stared at your bare ring finger. Just a few years ago, you’d been wearing a simple gold band studded with tiny diamonds around it— a promise ring. Bucky had given it as a gift on your 6th anniversary. You’d gotten together when you were just 19 and Bucky 21. People always doubted that your relationship with him wouldn’t last long given that the two of you were so different. Not to mention, Bucky had a reputation. Girls fawned over him; he was tall and handsome, had a rugged appeal to him thanks to his long hair and tattooed left arm. He drove a damn motorcycle that got him into trouble plenty of times.

You were Miss Goody Two Shoes who played it safe and Bucky was the Big Bad Wolf who liked taking risks.

It was a surprise when your relationship with him kept on progressing and the next thing you knew, the both of you have been together for a total of eight long years. It would’ve reached nine but shit happened and Bucky decided that those eight years didn’t matter to him anymore.

“Can we talk?”

If Bucky asked you that a couple of years ago, you would’ve probably punched him in the face and kneed him at the crotch before running away. Well, you still wanted to do so but a part of you wanted to talk things out. Get a proper closure maybe since Bucky failed to give you a detailed explanation that would help you understand why he chose to leave you.

Nat told you once that some things are better left unsaid. You spent years secretly pining for Bucky after the break up, spent nights questioning yourself where you lacked that made him leave you. You’d asked Steve about Bucky whether he met someone knew or how he was dealing with the break up; it did you more damage than good until you finally gave up and decided to actually move on.

But now that Bucky was here and there was no way to avoid him, maybe you deserved this confrontation after all.

“What do you want to talk about?” You asked, keeping your eyes on the pavement right in front of you.

You felt Bucky stand beside you, placing his hands inside the pockets of his jeans before turning to you, “About us.”

You snickered, “Us? What about us? What is there to talk about us?” You asked, turning your head to face him.

Bucky’s eyes have always been your favorite feature of his. They were very expressive and if Bucky could see through you every damn time, it was his eyes that you could always read. They were still blue but they held a certain emotion in them as he gazed at you.

Sadness and...regret?

Before your assumptions could get the best of you, you turned away and waited for Bucky to speak again.

“I can’t keep on avoiding you.” He said. “I’ve been doing so for the past few years and it kills me.” He admitted.

“And you think I want to keep doing this too? I’ve missed out on so many occasions because I just couldn’t be around you. You’re not the only one struggling.” You said.

Bucky shrugged, “Then let’s stop avoiding each other.”

The way he suggested it almost offended you; he was so nonchalant about it as if it was so easy to just let him waltz back into your life. Truth was, you dreamt of the day that he’d come crawling back to you. But you knew better than to let your walls down just because you miss him.

“When Steve told me that you seemed to be doing well, I really thought it meant that we can become friendly with each other, y’now. I mean, eight years. Those years meant so much to me, we’ve been through a lot and—“

“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Barnes?!” You bitterly chuckled.

“If those eight years together really meant a lot to you, you would’ve stayed. You would’ve allowed me to work it out with you! But what, you broke up with me because you thought I was too good for you? That you felt suffocated just because I was looking out for you?”

You didn’t mean to snap at Bucky like that, in your mind you thought you would be able to have a calm conversation with him. But with the alcohol running through your body, you couldn’t stop yourself from expressing yourself and and feeling the same way you did on that specific night.

“Too good? How am I too good for you, Buck?” You asked, immediately wiping off the tears that escaped your eyes.

“You have everything planned out! For yourself, for us. And it makes me feel fucking useless! I see you work your way up at your job and I’m still figuring out what the hell I want to do with my life!” He exclaimed.

You shook your head, “I didn’t know you felt that way.” You whispered. “If you told me this then I could’ve done something about it, Buck! Rather than let it get this far, I would’ve fixed it.” You told him and tried to reach out but Bucky took a step back.

“That too! You’re a fixer! You always end up fixing things. This relationship has become an endless cycle of me fucking up things and you picking up the pieces. And every single time you clean my mess, I feel like you’re hoping I’d be like the others. It’s like you’re trying to make me into a person I’m not just so I could fit this, this certain mold you had in mind!” He accused you.

You wiped again your tears and refused to believe him, “That’s not true, Bucky! I’ve always loved you for who you are, I never asked you to change for me!”

“Yes, you do! You never said it but I always felt it...when Steve got promoted and when Sam finally launched his business. You always wanted me to be like them, you never said it out loud but that’s what you made me feel whenever we talk about my job...or lack thereof.” He chuckled bitterly.

Bucky may not be traditional in the sense that he considered himself an artist. He never liked the idea of settling for a nine to five desk job so he took on a job as a tattoo artist. It wasn’t a permanent job and he didn’t have clients demanding for him all the time so it gave him time to work for a motorcycle shop too.

It was never a problem for you but practically speaking, your and Bucky’s joint savings wouldn’t be enough for the future that the both of you have planned out.

“I’ve been supportive of you! I never asked you to give up on those jobs, Bucky.” You defended yourself.

Bucky nodded his head, “You don’t know it but you do. That’s how I felt whenever you suggested that I try something else.”

“It’s because I know you can do so much more! Stay at the tattoo parlor and mechanic shop, then fine! But don’t settle because you have the potential to make it out there, that’s what I want you to know! I don’t understand why you’re limiting yourself, Buck. Why you’re suddenly so afraid.”

You carefully took a step closer to Bucky and thank god he let you this time. You swallowed the lump in your throat and reached out to cup his face in your hand. Bucky was livid, his chest rising heavily with every breath he took.

“You were the one who taught me to be brave, to take risks. I used to be so afraid, remember? Afraid to ride your motorcycle, to try out that job I thought I couldn’t handle. I was so scared to commit,” you chuckled, remembering how much you hesitated to give Bucky a chance when he asked you to be officially his girlfriend.

“...but you’ve always been there for me. And I want to do the same with you. I know that it seems scary to let go of what you believe is your calling. You don’t have to let go of it, Buck. But you gotta try something new too.” You said as you let your thumb caress the skin beneath his eyes.

There was silence between the two of you. Bucky had calmed down and you thought that it was over. Little did you know that it was simply the calm before the storm. Because the words that came out of Bucky’s mouth were the words you didn’t expect to hear.

“Well, this is me trying something new.”

Bucky refused to meet your gaze and simply let your hand move away from his face. You shook your head no as you turned around to compose yourself.

“We were fine this morning, Buck. What happened?” You asked and embraced yourself, seeking comfort you knew you’d only get if Bucky changed his mind.

“I thought we were fine too. But the tattoo parlor is closing in a month and we haven’t been getting plenty of clients at the motorcycle shop. And it just hit me y’now, I dread coming home to you because I know you’d be disappointed and that again, you’d offer to fix my shit and the thing is, I don’t want you to. I don’t want you to fix my shit or tell me how to deal with my problems! I woke up and realized that I just don’t...” Bucky paused when you swiftly turned around with a frown, eyes brimming with a fresh new wave of tears.

“Don’t say it, Bucky. I’ll be better, I promise! I won’t nag you or pressure you into anything. Just please, don’t say it. Please don’t. We can still work this out.” You begged Bucky.

You weren’t sure you could take it, what he wanted to say. You already knew what he was going to tell you, you didn’t want to hear it. Let other people say it but god, it’d break you if you heard it from him.

“I’m sorry but I don’t need you anymore.”

The stabbing pain in your heart felt so familiar, the kind that punched all the air out of your lungs. You thought you were done crying over Bucky, but you were so wrong.

“I fucked up.” Bucky huffed out, bowing his head as if ashamed.

“You realized that just now?” You snickered. “Do you know how long it took for me to get over you? To forget the pain from hearing you tell me that you don’t need me anymore? After eight years together, Buck. You were my first everything and you gave up on us. And you really expected us to be friends, just like that?!” You spat.

“I’m sorry!” Bucky exclaimed, lifting his head to look up at you and you were surprised that his eyes were glazed with tears.

“I was wrong, I was so fucking wrong. Because you were right, I shouldn’t have settled then. But god I was an idiot, an insecure idiot.” He admitted.

“I was so used to being the one who guided you that it fucking hurt my ego when I noticed that you were becoming your own person outside of our relationship. I was supposed to be the one supporting you, pushing you to be better. You ended being the one leading me. I let my ego get the best of me and thought I’d be better off without you. But it was the biggest mistake of my life because when I left, I felt even more lost.” Bucky explained.

You were left speechless, you weren’t sure why Bucky was telling you all this. Did he want you back or was he simply apologizing? You didn’t have words so you remained quiet and waited to see whether Bucky had more to say.

“I’m so sorry, I really am. I hurt you. I should’ve stayed, should’ve worked with you to fix our relationship. I hate what we’ve become, I sincerely wanted us to be civil with each other at least.” He said.

“Bucky, you’ve been saying the same thing over and over again. I’m not sure you understand the situation. I can’t be friends with you. Not after what happened. I thought I was fine but now I realized that I’ve never really moved on from the pain you caused me.” You told him and sniffed, looking back to check whether your friends could see you.

Thankfully, all the guests were still busy mingling with each other. It’s as if the universe meant for this confrontation to happen. But now you weren’t sure what to do after you finally got a clear explanation from Bucky.

“I wanted a fresh start with you.” Bucky said. “Thought that it would make it easier for me to win you over if we were friends again.”

You scoffed in disbelief, “It’s not that easy, Buck. I can’t just let you walk back into my life after your apology. It doesn’t work that way.”

You tried to move past him but he immediately blocked your way, “When I said I’ll always love you, I meant it. I still do. I want to make things right, please. Give me one last chance to fix this.”

Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, maybe it was Bucky’s words and how sincere he sounded that made your head spin. Your heart was racing and your palms turned cold. You wanted him back too, so bad but you weren’t sure if it was a good idea. He broke your heart and your trust, you weren’t sure if you’d survive if he left you again.

“I can’t continue this conversation, Bucky. I have to go.” You told him and made your way towards the door to the venue.

However, Bucky was quick to stand in front of the door. He had a determined look on his face, one that looked extremely familiar. You were still hurt but couldn’t deny the fact that you too, still love him.

Even after everything that had happened, Bucky still owned your heart.

“Bucky, can you please move? I want to go home.” You said and tried to reach for the door knob but Bucky moved and leaned against the door.

“You need a password to get through.”

You rolled your eyes, “We’re way too old for this, Bucky. I’m not playing with you.”

He shook his head, “I’m not playing either. Give me the password or else we’d be here the entire night.”

You huffed out, “This isn’t funny. Let me through.”

Bucky shrugged, “No can do. Like I said, I can do this all night.”

You deadpanned, “What’s the hint?” You asked with a defeated sigh, knowing well enough that there was no way you could walk past him without playing along with his stupid little game.

“Consists of three words.” Bucky said.

“Penis boobs vagina.”

Bucky cackled, “And I thought you said we’re too old for this.”

You groaned, “I’m serious, Bucky. Just let me go.”

“No. I made that mistake once and I’m not doing that again. I love you. And I promise that this time, it’ll be different. I know you still love me too, so again I am asking you to take a risk and say it.”

Bucky said it with conviction and you hated how it made your stomach flip. Up until this day, Bucky had a way to make you fold. And he could still read you.

“I’m not saying it, Bucky. How sure are you that I still feel the same anyway?” you asked.

Bucky tipped his head towards your neck, “Not sure if you just forgot but you’re wearing the promise ring as a necklace.”

Fuck. Of course, you’d forgotten about it. You may not have been wearing it on your finger, but you still continued to wear it. It meant a lot to you even after the break up, so much so that you couldn’t simply throw it away or remove it. You figured that it might be better to keep it around your neck. Out of sight, out of mind but still there. You wanted it to exist, it was a part of you.

“Say it and I promise that you won’t regret it.” Bucky insisted.

“Promises are meant to be broken. You proved that the night you broke up with me.” Your voice quivered when you said that.

“And I want to make it up for it for the rest of my life.” He reassured.

“History repeats itself. I don’t think I can deal with it again if you realized the second time around that you don’t need me. Buck, you really hurt me.” You said, voice cracking before you could even finish your sentence.

Bucky quickly took your face in between his hands and for some reason, it felt right. The warmth of his palm, the love in his eyes as he gazed at you, it felt like home.

“I know and I hate myself for it. So fucking much. But I promise you, it wouldn’t happen again. I fixed my life when you left, realized that you were right. I’m better now. So let me be the fixer this time, let me be the one to fix this mess, to pick up the pieces. Because I’m just as afraid to let you go again. I can’t do that again. I love you and I need you. I always did.”

The kiss he pressed on your forehead caused your walls to crumble down. All of a sudden you were sobbing into his arms and apologizing.

“I didn’t mean to pressure you then, Buck. I didn’t know, I’m sorry too.” You cried.

“Shh, no. Please don’t apologize.” Bucky coaxed as he pulled back to kiss your tears away. “None of this was your fault, baby. It’s all on me. Let me make it up to you, please?”

The term of endearment made your heart flutter and as much as you hated how Bucky easily won you over, again, the love you have for him was quick to outweigh it. You knew you shouldn’t have given in to him just like that, but this was Bucky. He was your greatest love, someone who owned your heart even after he left.

“I miss you, baby. Couldn’t fathom the thought of you being with someone else.” Bucky admitted as he hugged you tightly.

“I was so stupid, so fucking stupid. I hated myself for hurting you. I won’t do it again, I swear.”

His hand rubbed circles against your back, helping you calm down after your breakdown. He swayed you from side to side, pressed kisses on your crown and whispered promises that he was sure he was going to keep and you basked in it. When you finally calmed down, you pressed your face into Bucky’s neck and inhaled his scent.

He smelled the same, like comfort and love and trust. You hugged him tighter and smiled into his skin and mumbled, “I love you.”

Bucky chuckled, “You got the password right but I don’t think I’m letting you go just yet.”

“Nat and Sharon’s gonna kick our asses if they find out.” You chuckled.

He pulled back and stared at you lovingly, “I’ll take the hit for you.” he laughed.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled again, caressing your cheek with his thumb.

“Forgiven.” You told him and stood on your tiptoes until Bucky bent down to meet your lips in a kiss.

You sighed into the kiss. Four and a half years of pain and anger all gone and replaced with the love you always had for Bucky. His lips against yours made you dizzy but in a good way.

It felt right, like this was how things were really supposed to be.

You pulled back and sighed, “As much as I want to stay like this, I’m really tired.”

Bucky let you go but took your hand in his, intertwining his fingers with yours. “I’m driving you home tonight.” He said.

You smiled.

“And the next night. And the next next night.”

Yet again, Bucky proved himself to be worthy of another chance. Because he drove you home the next night, and the next next night. It went on until he regained your trust back and all was well enough for him to finally reveal the black velvet box that he had been keeping in his pocket since the night of your eventful reunion.

“You need a password to see what’s inside.” Bucky grinned up at you as he bent down on one knee.

You chuckled through your years, “Any hint?”

“One word, three letters.”

You wiped away your tears with a smile followed by a subtle nod.

“Yes.”

Bucky kept his promise all along, he really did put a ring on your finger. Took quite a while with plenty of obstacles that caused its delay, but a promise fulfilled nonetheless.

-

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[volterran-wine]

Marcus and second chances

Requested by anonymous: “Oooooo can I have Marcus Volturi Headcannons like for fluff and stuff for a second chance mate being found? HE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY GAH!I like to think someone who is very easy going but has an undercurrent of badass (no one can tell me Ma rcus wasn’t as or MORE frightening than Caius in his hay day on a battlefield. But he’s chill. Lmfao.”

Hmmm, I certainly have my own headcanons about what Marcus was like before  he fell under his depression fog. Some of those will probably sneak their way into this request to set the tone. 

Warnings: Very brief mentions of violence? (about what Marcus was like before he ended up where he is today) Second warning: This got long.

I ship Marcus with happiness and peace so this is right up my ally

I do agree with the requester that Marcus was a much more feared king before he lost his wife. I always imagined that it was him and Caius on the frontlines, and Aro taking a bit of a commander role. I picture him and Caius tearing through vampires like it was nothing. Who was more fearsome however... I think that's up to what vampire they were going against. My personal money is on Caius but I’m biased

Now, I shall not ponder too much around the circumstances of how Marcus has met his second chance at love. But as I have mentioned in previous headcanons; when Marcus saw them he just knew. Something deep inside of him shifted ever so slightly, a fleeting feeling that had laid dormant for over a millennia. 

Now I do not imagine that Marcus would go from his state of depression into being what he was like before he lost his first wife in an instant. We are talking about very old vampires, and I imagine that these sorts of things can take time.. perhaps even years. But the difference now is that his significant other was there to lead him through it.

And how lovely they were, their temperament so even and calming while around him and his kin. A breath of fresh air in an immortal life that had grown so bleak and stale. 

Slowly but surely, the Marcus that Aro and Caius remembered from the Volturi’s founding days started to peak through the curtains that had been shut so tightly. 

It starts with strolls through the Volturi’s garden that is hidden from human eyes, his hand clasped tightly around his signifiant others as he listened to them talk about everything that interested them. Sweet caresses would grow into embraces between the various flower bushes and vines. Kisses shared in alcoves hiding them from curious eyes. 

Sharing of hobbies was another important step on the road to recovery for Marcus, one afternoon he led his significant other to a music room which had not been used for many years. He sat them down on the piano bench besides him, letting his fingers trail across the tangents in familiar tunes that filled the room with beautiful music. All over the Palazzo various inhabitants let out a sigh of relief. They had not heard Marcus play for centuries. 

The first time Marcus experienced his significant others more harder side he was initially quite worried. A transitionary guard had so foolishly decided to open his mouth and say some unsavoury things about Marcus’ new relationship. His significant other had stood their ground, and made it abundantly clear the guard was way out of line and had no business speaking of their king and his consort in such a way. 

How fierce they were, it made him swell with pride to see how his S/O were able to handle themselves. He let them hold their own ground for a while longer, even signaling for Demetri who had been attracted to the commotion to not interfere. After a good 20 minutes of them putting the fear of god into the poor transitionary guard, Marcus stepped in.

The look Marcus gave the guard was another clear reminder that the king who had laid dormant for a very long time was starting to show his face more. Though for now, his greatest priority was wrapping an arm around his S/O and leading them away. Leaving the trusted higher guard to deal with the transitionary guard. Appropriately 

As he lay with them in their shared chambers later that evening, quietly listening to his significant other rant about the days events; he counted himself the luckiest man in the world.

Forever thanking whatever forces of the universe had brought the person in his arms to him.

[simmonsized]

Care to share your thoughts on Davebot and Ult!Dirk?

The short answer is... No! lol!

But the explanation for the short answer is mostly that I prefer not to talk about the epilogues at all because there's a bunch of stuff I disagree with that makes the parts that are interesting to me harder to navigate. I'm not unwilling, it's just. Annoying lol.

The LONG answer is... I don't mind, really, but we'd be here all day.

(Warning: I’m going to be talking a lot about Chapter 14 of Candy, including Dirk’s suicide, and including screenshots from the chapter itself. So again, WARNING.)

Tbh for me and okay preface: I don't give a shit about shipping and in particular I don't give a shit abt Dave and his relationship w jade or karkat especially not in the candy timeline lmfao so. That's me.

Preface 2: I didn't actually read candy. I skimmed it. I read up to the funeral and then probably some of the other *waves hand* bullshit but I mostly read up to the funeral, and then of course the end. So. That's where I am on that. Reading Meat first makes Candy almost unbearably, cringe-tastically stupid to read in my humble opinion so. That's that on that.

But Davebot and Dirk, and in relation to Ultimate Dirk like. I mean we cannot discount Dave's struggle with his identity and the kind of strange misery surrounding that but a lot of it for me is just.

When you lose someone, particularly a brother, particularly around your age, maybe even specifically your age exactly, to something like suicide, that shit stays with you.

I know he's a robot. I know he's Dave. I know we're playing with the concept of selves and timelines all stacked on top of each other, but my god. My god, the violence of a loss like that. The way it was facilitated by

Okay this is where we get all like. Speculating. This is going to be me speculating a lot on Candy Dirk, if you care to call him that, and his relation to Dirk and his “ultimate self.” We are talking about Ch 14, and we are about to look at some screenshots from the suicide.

[Note: I have seen in the past at least a couple people say maybe it was Callie killed Dirk but--]

To me, it reads as very Last moment of free will Escape from the Narrative.

Almost immediately he begins talking about how narratively speaking, due to John’s “choice” (our choice, if you are the one who chose to pursue Candy, in this scenario) the timeline is no longer relevant, and thus, his life is “inessential.” Lots to be said here, but let’s not.

Now we can say he did it on purpose to escape Candy, or we can speak in hypotheticals and assume that maybe it leads us back to Ultimate Dirk.

I certainly think this take is more interesting. Is that perhaps why that part was so easy to swallow for me? I dunno but it makes a certain amount of sense for me, if there is a kind of “death” that results in the merging of consciousness or what have you, in terms of ultimates and. Maybe I’m just tellin’ myself to feel better, maybe it’s giving Ultimate Dirk too much credit. Who knows. Not me! But it is a certain kind of interesting, and I also find it fascinating that it’s written in second person, when large swaths of Meat are written in third.

We may never know!

And now we can talk about Davebot, at least a little. I’m gonna start with the funeral. The shitty fucking funeral. Remember how Gamzee attended the funeral?? and also all of Dirk’s swords were in the casket for some reason?? Sup with that. Anyway.

Obviously at this point the narrative begins to unwind, though it was already a mess from the beginning. Candy had some weird jarring narrative points but like. God I really don’t give enough of a shit to talk about it so we’re gonna talk about Dave and grief and the funeral a bit.

Firstly first, incheresting implication of crying. It’s “raining sheets” outside. He’s all wet at this point already. Probably no reason to bother wiping his tears but he did anyway.

There’s an actual thrilling bit of anger here, in between Dave’s words, and that bitterness in relation to loss is actually important. I don’t consider Candy to be particularly narratively relevant in many ways, but I always enjoyed the way Dave talked at the funeral. Maybe that’s problematic but this is my show so. Here we are.

Also obsessed with Dave’s admittance of his intrusive thoughts in relation to Dirk and his head because this will come back later when I talk about Davebot.

Inserts a joke in bad taste about Dirk and decapitation, which we all know I enjoy way too much. Yadda yadda, deserts is a freak, etc etc

Nothing for me to add here. Speaks p well for itself tbh.

Insert me doing a kind of handwavy thing where we all know I am implying that while it’s easy to say you hate someone even long after they are gone sometimes it is actually more complicated than that.

Anyway let’s keep going.

I’m saving anything I have to say about this for my deranged rant Part 2 but. yes that is where we are left with on the Bro thing. Interesting to me that Dave says they are separate guys but also you know, is solidly Holding Onto this haha.

Here you might imagine I am loudly sipping my drink at the Author of the epilogues with such a pointed fucking stare that you are surprised they do not burst into flames. This is a problem I am not even remotely willing to tackle here because cosmic inevitability to become the worst version of yourself is a Joke. I guess that’s an opinion I am willing to share in relation to the epilogues. If the kids were always fated to become their adult selves then what does that say about Jane or Roxy? Nothing, apparently. lmfao. Literally just. Lmfao.

sorry i got sidetracked there.

okay so this is the last bit of shit that Sounds like Dave, btw. it starts to get. kind of weird after this. In my opinion. It starts to sound, despite the good shit in between, decidedly OOC. that’s right I am saying OOC and i mean it. but that’s kind of the point of Candy, isn’t it? Lack of narrative relevance, and certainly lack of a necessity to maintain proper character meta. So who gives a shit.

Unfortunately for all of us this part is actually relevant, as well as, if you have ever lost someone, incredibly true:

Who gives a shit about Candy after that. Dave even turns John down when he offers to go back and keep Dirk from killing himself in a decidedly extremely uncool way. I won’t get into my opinions about Candy, I won’t get into my opinions about Candy, I won’t get into

Look, you get it?

I have opinions.

So many in fact I could (would) write a 74 page paper and no one would ever talk to me again because it would be THAT pretentious, self-entitled, and to top it all off, possibly boring. I could talk about Dave and Karkat and how Jade was used as the Token Female Character keeping the yaois apart but I won’t. Why the FUCK would I give that any kind of screentime, ‘specially on my goddamn blog, which is not about any of that?

So whatever right? That’s what u need to know about This Dave and His thoughts before the fucking nosedive into horseshit, and what will lead us through cosmic inevitability, the hypothetical Davebot and Ultimate Dirk situation. Shituation, if you will.

Actually we have to talk about Obama first.

I am not going to dissect the whole Obama conversation. I just do not think it is worth it. It’s exhausting, actually. Read it yourself, I guess?

waves hand at this bc he’s partially talkin abt kk but like. sigh.

“i try not to think about him much” is such a way to deflect lol. If I believed any character at this point had much in the way of narrative free will i may even dwell more on it. Unfortunately, I don’t! But still, it means something.

Insert some shit I have to say about ultimate selves and the frame of reference we might or might not be talking about, as Obama (and is it Obama? :) good question!) says here.

also this is me getting sidetracked but from the funeral:

and what obama says:

Insert a “did you fuck my Bro, Obama???” joke here.

So we’ve come back around to the idea of Ultimate Selves here, and basically in my opinion at this point we are Shinji-ing Dave hard but. Y’know. 

They talk about Ultimate selves and we get the idea that like, Dave doubted himself his whole life perhaps in part because of how fucked up the timeline was but also because of the decisions he made or didn’t make and there is some shit here about Ultimate Selves and how unsustainable they are in human form but this is just something we’ve heard talked about before if u remember Act 6 and all but like. Incheresting how Ultimate Dirk is exempt from this, supposedly, don’t you think???

Anyway, intoducing.................. the new (old) friend: Davebot

Anyway so I've said before but the epilogues are more palatable through a lens of tragedy, and the only way I see a confrontation of any kind between these two is in that same way. I have so many questions. Why did Dirk specifically make this weird robo form for Dave? I mean he made one for Rose so sure why not. Sure. Okay. What does he get out of it? Like genuinely at the end of the day?

This is becoming Ultimate Speculation lmao

[Insert my opinion about Homestuck 2 here with the caveat THAT] it is vaguely interesting to me here that despite at the end of Candy Davebot is said to no longer doubt, we can see very much that he holds a lot of feelings about his own choices and perhaps even a type of guilt for those choices and such y’know. all that.

So whatever to all of that. I mean obviously not whatever but. emotionally, whatever.

What I’m trying to say is, all of Dave, minus Meat Dave, perhaps, all wrapped up together within this version of Dave who knows who he is, but who is very much on his way to see??? some kind of form of Dirk??

Idk i see that as a tragedy

I don’t see that as any kind of ultimate confrontation ending in death

It’s not that I don’t think that Ultimate Dirk sucks, because he does, and it’s not that I don’t think ultimate selves are anything more than an ultimate joke. If you’ve ever heard me actually talk at length about the epilogues, you already know this.

However, personally, if an “evil” version of my brother killed and/or facilitated the death of my own personal brother, and i was later confronted with him, but he was also the ONLY version of my brother i had left???

i don’t think i’d be able to kill him.

I don’t think i’d WANT to.

Like I said, I see their existence as a tragedy, but cross-timeline love, the relationship that Dave and Dirk were able to form with each other, that in Homestuck proper, actually affected them as people and had a positive, radiating reaction for who they saw themselves as??

That matters. That’s more important to me, I think, than the vague concept from a single Cherub, that “The Prince must be stopped.”

it’s not about whether or not I think any form of Dave would have the balls to kill any Dirk or not

I just don’t think he’d want to.

Maybe that’s just me.

It’s kind of hard if you’ve never lost anyone to suicide but I think to a point, you kind of have this moment of “I would do LITERALLY ANYTHING to bring them back” and it doesn’t necessarily fade or change with time, because it is such an intense experience, there’s no “accident” there’s no “outside person” to blame, and so when you get angry, there’s only two places to direct that anger, and when it comes to bargaining, you can’t say “well it was an accident, or it was a mistake” because. It wasn’t. It was intentional.

So when we talk about what I think the Davebot would do, or how he would react to Ultimate Dirk and stuff....

I just genuinely think that if faced with the actual honest to god concept of Dirk dying at Dave’s hand, Dave would not be willing to metaphorically pull the trigger.

So I guess that is just some thoughts I have about that, summed up poorly and probably giving you a lot of context for a very small answer lol

But I am pretty well known for being soft so, feel free to cast all this aside as a Lot of Opinions about a very small thing.

[crispy-chan]

Heyy guys ✨

So I never thought I’d be doing this sorry for clogging your dashes with this 😭, but I’m very close to reaching a milestone and my blog’s one year anniversary is right around the corner so I was hoping I could get some promo from my moots 😖 (or anyone, as a matter of fact)

Thank youuu and I hope to put out more content for you guys soon 🥺 I have a couple things in the works ✨

Hii, I’m jas and I write ff for skz (mainly) and occasionally bts. I love writing longer pieces, usually a combination of fluff and angst, and I enjoy writing all sorts of different AU’s. If that sounds interesting to you, maybe you could consider checking out my blog 🥺

A little (not really) message to conclude 2021

First of all, it’s been quite a hectic year, yeah?

Honestly, the start of the year is still kinda blurry for me (including my bday) — But there’s one thing I remember clearly. Starting this blog.

In a week, I’ll be celebrating my first year anniversary of this blog. Honestly, it feels like yesterday. I can’t believe that it’ll soon be one year of crispy-chan 😭 Over the course of these 12 months, I’ve made so many incredible friends here.

To everyone who ever commented, reblogged, or left an ask, thank you! It means the world to me. It truly does.

Writing has become something special for me. I’m not a particularly creative person and I don’t really have any talent or hobbies so the fact that I have this safe little corner, this haven where I can create stuff for you and be proud of it, where I can receive feedback, it truly made my life better. I wasn’t doing too well before (during quarantine) and I was in a pretty rough spot, so the realization that I could create content for my favorite group(s) meant a lot.

Now, I know that my blog has been pretty dry for the past couple of months, but I promise that I have things in the works. There are so many things I want to write for you guys, so so much (about 17 doc pages full of fic ideas) and I hope I’ll be able to do so next year.

I hope that my journey will last a lot longer than one year… perhaps two, three, or maybe even four ❣️

Anyways, I’d like to thank my moots — you guys have been so great to me. I’ve made so many great friends over tumbleweed and you’re all amazing people. I can’t believe that some of you, I used to (and still) admire from the shadows, thinking that I’d never get to talk to you. But as crazy as it sounds, some of you are now my moots and we talk, joke around and laugh together.

I’m simultaneously scared and excited for 2022. it feels almost surreal that today is the last day of the year… I’m so excited for all the amazing things stray kids will do next year — I feel so grateful that I get to call myself a STAY along with many other amazing people.

Even though we may live on opposite ends of the world, there’s one thing that connects us all. And that’s honestly the beauty of music. Fuck, I must sound really lame and sappy here so excuse that 😭

Anyways, I wanted to thank you all. You’ve been so good to me for the past year and you allowed me to feel like I belong, something for which I’m really grateful.

May 2022 be filled with happiness and joy 🎉

Here are some amazing people I’d like to tag (moots, friends, readers, people who sent a memorable ask, people who I look up to a lot):

@taecup-ontrack @freckledwinterfalls @yyxgin @lixesque @jimeanour @aliceu @delicatewerewolfsoul @decembermoonskz @maplecornia @fabulaee @cotccotc @missskzbiased @soulssung @leelysian @strayingdawn @chogiwow @taemin-jaemin @dreamescapeswriting @mxxndreams

@laikaya @blellaa @mythicalamphitrite @eeriikka @cherrychngkyn @chans-baby-girl @hwa-teez

@chaninfused (ngl, really afraid of doing this but ig I’ve fangirled enough to embarrass myself for years ahead lmfao)

I don’t want to bore you guys any longer, but here we go. If you’ve read so far, thank you. I really hope I’ll get to spend the next following years with you guys, sharing my passion for skz (occasionally bts) and writing.

Thank you and I hope you have a lovely year 💗

Let’s stay strong and be there for each other, yeah?

[n1kolaiz]

The Six Realms

Okay, so I was pretty close to giving up on writing analyses but I'm back LMFAO plus I see we're close to 100 followers and I just want to thank you guys for being so very supportive <3

Alright, I'm not sure if anyone's ever written about this, but if an analysis like this exists, please do let me know because I'm kind of curious as to what other people think about this, too!

Remember that time Fukuchi spoke about bringing "about the five signs of an angel's death"?

I read a little bit more about it, and as a minor content warning: this analysis will focus on a few religious aspects (Buddhism + Hinduism). So if I get any of the facts wrong, firstly: I do not mean any disrespect to either religion, and secondly: please do correct me if I interpret anything in the wrong way.

Spoilers for BSD chapter 90 onwards + BEAST!AU under the cut!

So I'll start by talking about the Decay of Angels. As we all know, the members include Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Nikolai Gogol, Sigma, and Bram Stoker, and their leader, Fukuchi Ochi. After Fyodor's arrest, the Decay of Angels came into light with Nikolai murdering four government officials in a week. These murders symbolise the Buddhist cycle of existence, or otherwise known as samsara: the cycle of life, death, and rebirth.

"We are the Decay of Angels—hiding here as terrorists, a 'murder association', five people who will announce the demise of the celestial world."

Nikolai Gogol, chapter 57

Samsara is described to be a concept beyond human understanding. According to Hinduism, samsara is the physical world where every being has its soul trapped into a physical vessel. The Hindus believe that everything has a soul, and due to a soul's attachment to desire, it is forced into a deathless cycle of being born, dying, and reincarnating into a different body. In Buddhism, the ultimate way to break free from this cycle is by obtaining nirvana.

Nirvana is a Sanskrit word for the goal of the Buddhist path: enlightenment or awakening. In Pali, the language of some of the earliest Buddhist texts, the word is nibbana; in both languages it means "extinction" (like a lamp or flame) or "cessation." It refers to the extinction of greed, ill will, and delusion in the mind, the three poisons that perpetuate suffering. Nirvana is what the Buddha achieved on the night of his enlightenment: he became completely free from the three poisons. Everything he taught for the rest of his life was aimed at helping others to arrive at that same freedom.

- TRICYCLE'S definition of nirvana

As Fukuchi mentions in the panel above, there are six different realms of existence. These realms represent every possible state of existence, but one cannot live in a specific realm forever. Depending on whether or not one's past actions were morally good or bad, an individual is born into one of these realms. Basically, the controlling factor of which realm a person is born into is dependent on their respective karma. The realms are separated into two categories: the hellish ones and the heavenly ones.

The Deva Realm: where beings are rewarded for the good deeds they have done. This realm is void of anything unpleasant. It is basically paradise— empty of unfulfilled desires, any form of suffering, and fears of every kind. Religious individuals, however, do not seek to be born into this realm since its attitude is more or less carefree.

The Asura Realm: where demigods are admitted. Asuras are driven by greed and envy, and may come in conflict with human beings since they are quite similar. They are powerful beings, but quarrel with each other quite a bit, making this realm quite undesirable to be reborn into.

The Animal Realm: where beings are given the form of an animal (you probably guessed that lol). Individuals here don't actually have good karma to take pride in, but rather, they are born into this realm to work off their bad karma (by being slaughtered, hunted, or forced to work, etc). Being born into this realm forces one to atone for their past sins by living out their life as an animal.

The Hell Realm: where one is punished for their evil actions. The most merciless of realms, where one pays for their transgressions through pure suffering, methods of which include: dismemberment, starvation, and psychological/physical torture. However, once a person's term is fulfilled in this realm, they are presumably promised to be reborn into a higher state.

The Preta Realm: similar to the hell realm, in which beings pay for their past sins (specifically: greed and stinginess) by having to survive through hunger and thirst. This realm is also known as the 'ghost realm,' because some pretas are psychologically tortured by being forced to live in places their past selves have lived in. They are invisible to human beings living at that time, which pushes them to face the depths of despair and loneliness. Your typical horror movie, really.

The Human Realm: the only realm where one's actions determine their future. The status (social ranking, physical wellbeing, and so on) of a human being in this realm is determined by their past actions, but due to the fact that a person has their own conscience to differentiate good morals from bad, the actions they commit in this realm have the power to determine which realm they are sent to next.

Okay, so now that I've got that out of the way, let's shift our focus to the Book. Very little is known about the Book, but the basic fundamentals of how it works is that whatever is written in the book will come into existence only if its contents follow the rules of karma. In addition to that, only a few sentences can be written into a single page of the Book, and it must follow the current narrative of the story.

If I'm not wrong, the first time the Book was mentioned was by Fitzgerald, who wanted it to resurrect his deceased daughter in hopes of restoring his wife's mental health. The next time the Book is brought up is when Fyodor's intentions to possess it are divulged; his goal was to decimate the global population of ability-users. And now, the current arc has the Book as its central focus, with a single page in Fukuchi's possession.

[ BEAST!AU spoilers ]

The Book acts as the central point of multiverses, with each character's lives differing from universe to universe.

Dazai committing suicide in this alternate universe stands in sharp contrast with how he decided to start up a new life in the main universe.

Oda staying alive to act as a mentor to Akutagawa in the ADA differs from how Oda uses his death to prompt Dazai to "be on the side that saves people."

And of course, the way Atsushi and Akutagawa have their positions switched in the two universes depicts how different their lives would be if they were given the chance to be mentored by different people— these are just a few examples of how the Book houses an endless amount of possibilities.

[ end of BEAST!AU spoilers ]

Hypothetically speaking, this kind of reminds me of the differing realms I mentioned before, where suffering is promised in some realms, and better things are granted in the rest, depending on one's karma, or the deeds they've done in their past lives. In this scenario, perhaps one's past life can be understood as one's current life in a different universe. That's just a personal opinion though. Take it as you will.

side note: Keep in mind that the person who is more or less impervious to the Book's effect is Dazai, with his nullification ability. I wouldn't want to propose any theories in this aspect (I don't believe I'm fully fact-checked ;_;), but I could use Dazai as a raw example of how your choices affect your future. If Dazai had decided to stay in the Port Mafia after Oda's death, or if he even decided to go through with his suicidal fixations, life would've been different for him in the root universe (obviously, ryley) I mean, you could basically understand that from how he ended up in the BEAST au, but imagine if he really did slip up in his decision-making in any of the universes.

Many analysts have proposed that he went MIA (early in his life) from the main universe for a while to figure out how the BEAST universe worked, whilst having the Book to his advantage. Perhaps his actions were guided? I'm not saying he's all-knowing, but he's sure as hell smart. I'm not sure if Kafka was trying to highlight the concept of karma when it comes to Dazai, but if he is, then I suppose you could say that Dazai is pretty much unaffected by the rules of karma, existing as the centerpiece of all the multiverses. No Longer Human is the namesake of his ability, but the book talks about disqualification from societal norms and generally, the world. I was talking about it with a friend, and they reminded me that Yozo (the main protagonist) was pretty strong in his views against society. Like he didn't speak out of total defeat, he spoke out of defense. If there was anything Dazai actually lost to, it was his guilt— "Living itself is a source of sin."

Then again, that's my personal interpretation since everyone has their unique perspective of his writings. In terms of the actual adaptation, you could translate the word 'disqualification' to 'insusceptibilty' when if it came to the Book's effects on Dazai? This side note is becoming really long lmao anyways I'll link a few theories which afflicted me with brainrot down below.

Another thing before I wrap up, the name 'Decay of Angels' stemmed from Yukio Mishima's book entitled 'The Decay of An Angel.' This is the final novel to the author's tetralogy: 'The Sea of Fertility.' The main protagonist, Honda, meets a person he believes to be a reincarnation of his friend, Kiyoaki, who takes the form of a young teenage boy named Tōru. The last novel of this series enhances Mishima's dominant themes of the series as a whole:

the decay of courtly tradition in Japan

the essence and value of Buddhist philosophy and aesthetics

Mishima’s apocalyptic vision of the modern era

Again, this could be referred to what Fukuchi goes on to say:

Some people view the concept of samsara optimistically, justifying it by saying that perhaps each individual is given a second (third, fourth, fifth, who knows) chance to refine their actions in order to be birthed into a better realm, with their karma being the independent variable.

On the other hand, other people, specifically the Hindus, view the cycle of existence as some sort of plague. To them, the flow of life and being forced to endure the suffering of mere existence in any form was somewhat frowned down upon. Some Hindus viewed samsara as a trap. Besides, having one's soul being limited to a physical body for the rest of eternity was not very appealing, especially since where they ended up at depended on the karmic value their past actions surmounted.

Even so, particular types of Buddhists don't seek nirvana, but instead, like the Hindus, they make an effort to be good people of society, building up their good deeds to increase the likelihood of being reborn into one of the better realms.

As mentioned before, the Deva Realm was the home of angels, the most carefree, gratified beings to exist. Fukuchi describes these angels as the people who don't get their hands dirty, the people who act as the puppeteers of society: politicians.

In terms of parallels, angels were the most fortunate and powerful, but they didn't have anyone ruling over them. A lack of supervision would lead to the abuse of power, which is what I believe Fukuchi was referring to. Deeming himself the Decay of Angels, he sought to prove himself as the 'sign of death that falls on the nation's greed.'

A few fun facts (okay, not really) about Yukio Mishima: he committed seppuku (ritual suicide by disembowelment) on the day he held a speech to voice out his unpopular political beliefs to the public. Mishima deeply treasured traditions and opposed the modern mindset the nation was advancing forward to adapt eventually. In his last book, The Decay of an Angel, he spoke about the five signs which complete the death of an angel:

Here are the five greater signs: the once-immaculate robes are soiled, the flowers in the flowery crown fade and fall, sweat pours from the armpits, a fetid stench envelops the body, the angel is no longer happy in its proper place.

The Decay of an Angel, p.53

The reviews about this series I've read so far describe Mishima's works to be quite complex; his writings demanded a lot of time to deconstruct and understand. They were highly symbolic, and he was pretty obsessed with death and the 'spiritual barrenness of the modern world.' I think you could attach a few strings from here to the mindsets of the DOA members. Of course, this parallel is completely abstract, but I'll go on rambling anyway:

He should have armed them with the foreknowledge that would keep them from flinging themselves after their destinies, take away their wings, keep them from soaring, make them march in step with the crowd. The world does not approve of flying. Wings are dangerous weapons. They invite self-destruction before they can be used. If he had brought Isao to terms with the fools, then he could have pretended that he knew nothing of wings.

The Decay of an Angel, p.113

I suppose you could resonate Nikolai with that excerpt. As much as Fukuchi takes the lead in this whole murder association, I'd like to believe that each member of the DOA plays an equally interesting part in whatever movement they're trying to execute. Fyodor feels it is his god-sent purpose to cleanse the world of its sins, his motto being, "Let the hand of God guide you." Sigma doesn't know where he belongs, since his origination comes from a page in the Book, and is fueled by the desperation to find a reason to live. Bram holds one of the most powerful abilities which is counted to be one of the "Top Ten Calamities to Destroy the World."

What I mean to say is that the DOA members are incredibly powerful, and they're not your ordinary antagonists (or I'm just biased). It's not just overthrowing authorities, mass genocide, and world domination— you could say that each individual is trying to utilize their purposes to their fullest expenditures, and the way they're trying to assert their plan into action is a little more passive-aggressive (framing the Agency, having a convo with a suicidal dude in jail, etc). They're the gray area between evil and good. As they framed the good guys for their own crimes, they're trying to conquer the bad guys for exploiting the innocent as they please.

This post would definitely age well if all hell breaks loose in the current arc (as if it didn't) and Kafka doesn't give us a happy ending.

That's all I have to say for now I guess! Thank you for reading, and once again, if anyone else something they wanna share, feel free to do so <3

sources (tryna follow Q's example ^_^) :

the six realms

samsara

the decay of angels

beast!au

the book

the sea of fertility

yukio mishima

theory: dazai’s emotional/mental state in beast!au

q’s theory: dazai being the protector of the book

theory: beast!dazai and the book