#percy is such a shithead

[lilislegacy]

annabeth: can i be frank with you?

percy: uh sure, but don’t you think that might get confusing? unless zhang changes his name too, of course. yes, this could work

annabeth:

grover: can i still be grover?

percy: shh! let frank speak

annabeth: *deeply questioning her life choices*

[blorbologist]

Architects of our demise | Chapter 11

[ Age of Arcanum AU | Perc'ahlia | M | Updates every ~2 weeks ]

[Vax is the Warden of Ravens, Vex is his Champion, Percival is the creator of aeormatons, and FCG is vibing]

[ Chapter 11: The last weeks of our crew's journey involves such adventures as dealing with a shitty bird, lessons in gift-giving, and a crash course in making new friends.

--

It all aches.

Percy is only dimly aware of anything past the weighty soreness. Uncomfortable warmth, crowding pressure - he can't move away from either. Sounds, vague sounds. Distinct scents: rosemary, forget-me-nots, damp hair. Some thought, stirring and wiggling in the back of head with urgency.

In the fading waves of consciousness, this too much of his waking washes away in favor of… normal. Usual. Not enough? Ah. Must have been another bad dream. Every sensation, even this relief, distant.

It all just aches, down to his heavy, heavy eyelids. 

--

This time, Percy realizes he’s waking. Mostly because this realization is being forced upon him by a hand shaking his shoulder. He resists, grumbling and burrowing into a pillow. The movement doesn’t help: the hand shakes him harder.

��Percy!”

He does not sleep with his glasses. Apparently, last night (night? No, it was dawn) was an exception. There are smudges to the glass and painful creases in his cheek where the levitating spectacles had failed to escape his dead weight. 

It also means that he can see, quite clearly, that Vex has him by the shoulder and is shaking him with as much strength as she can muster. Her hair is a mess. That cloak of hers is tangled around her arms. Those feathers are somehow intact, but at least one is missing. So she also crashed into bed, then.

Wait. Bed?

Oh, that was the thought. Which he hadn’t had last night (morning - whatever). Only now, in bed, with - oh dear. 

“Good morning,” he mumbles as politely as he can before throwing a pillow over his head. She promptly steals it and lightly whacks him with the new weapon he has provided her. (Isn’t he so kind? Gentlemanly?) 

“Percy!” Her snap is blunted by sleep. From the indent in the mattress, they were sleeping quite near eachother. And she’s yelling so close to his ear without having moved. Oh gods. “I heard FCG scream, they might be in danger -”

“That’s unfortunate.” Percy is quite a bit stronger than Vex. Still he instead takes a free pillow instead of reclaiming that one. And he makes sure to haul an arm over it this time. Because his face is on fire right now and everything hurts and he’d really rather die here than save the aeormaton he claimed responsibility for. Fuck.

Vex must say his name again, but it sounds far more like a reprimanding growl. Whatever she was going to do to him this time is interrupted when he rolls to the opposite side of the bed (his side? Oh gods- ) and puts both feet on the ground before he can think about it. Oh, he’s regretting everything. Sleeping and waking up and surviving the storm at all. 

He thinks to ask if she slept well, but decides against it as Vex’ahlia reaches the door first. Percival catches a glimpse of FCG, rolling around with flailing arms and pursued by a crow pursued in turn by a bear. 

(Percival slept… quite well.)

--

“Darling, I’m not going to shoot the bird - no, neither will Percival.”

[Prologue] [Keep reading on AO3!]

[caspersscareschool]

a 16 year old today told me i dress like percy jackson and talk like nico di angelo

[aki-bara]

The tags prove you missed the point. Percy is not "just" a house husband. He is a man who has served his time, changed the world, fought, and protected, and his reward is being able to stay at home with his beautiful children and/or pets and extended family and help them in the way he wants (personally), beholden to nobody.

People who choose to stay home aren't "just" staying at home. They aren't making a decision to be lesser, they are deciding that the most important things in their life (at current) are the people who live in their home. They are dedicating themselves to helping and being with those people whenever and however possible. Personal ambition is meaningless to them if it doesn't allow them to care for the people most in need of their love and protection.

This is something to be praised, not viewed with disdain.

This may be controversial, but Percy would not be a stay at home trophy husband. He would study oceanography at New Rome and then he'd work at an aquarium, probably with a focus on education and outreach. He'd be a docent, leading tour groups of school kids around and teaching them about the sea animals and ecosystems and environmental stewardship. And he and Annabeth would train demigods at Camp Half-blood during the summer.

[thevoiceofwrath]

I'm waiting for the third book in The Broken Earth trilogy to be available to me through Libby, someone's taking their whole 14 day book loan to read it I guess, so I'm trying to slog through the first book of P*rcy Jackson in the meantime. I've always meant to read the series. It's a beloved YA series, it should be decent right? And there's a show coming out soon so I figured I might as well finally go for it. I tell you what, it's miserable. Did I miss my window of opportunity to enjoy it? If I'd read it in 2005 would I have liked it? Idk. Mostly it seems like the author just really, really hates fat people????????? And as a fat person, I'm having a terrible time. I read two fantasy novels and several hundred thousand words of fanfic in the time it's going to take me to read this one miserable book. Does it get better? God I hope it gets better.

[sunnytobio]

they’re so hamfisty with the way they tell you that the gods are “bad”. it’s a slow realization for the reader to recognize that luke is right—though the way he goes about change isnt, but even then luke is the catalyst for the change percy suggests to the gods. all that is to say, the book drips this to you—by showing you zeus’s wrath, and hades being an outcast, and hermes mismanagement of his son, and dionysus being a shithead, and hera being a shithead, and ares purposefully riling people up because he thinks it’s funny, and aphrodite playing with percy’s love life, and the way the gods punished calypso for something she did not do, etc.

meanwhile, the show has EVERY OTHER SCENE being “fuck the gods!! they suck!!! they’ve never done anything for me!!! fuck you!!!” OKAY??? WE GET IT?? stop wasting my precious minutes on something you’ve already said 30x and please actually get the scenes right ?? 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[luffyslawyer]

you know, one thing about Poseidon and Typhon both being known as 'Father of Monsters' and 'Father of All Monsters' respectively, I imagine Typhon would purposely being a shithead to spite Poseidon by flirting with Percy right in front of him.

Percy: Daddy, can you pass me the salt?

Poseidon and Typhon reaching out to grab the salt, then looked at each other.

Poseidon: wtf

Typhon: what?? we're both daddies, aren't we??

Percy's siblings, mainly Chrysaor: DYINGGG

Poseidon: wtf are you talking about

Typhon: listen pal, you ain't the only guy who fathers monsters here. I'd say Perseus here is a monster too judging by his powers alone but he's mighty fine to be called as such. Perhaps if he and I could just make babies—

Poseidon: STFU!!! STOP RIGHT THERE!! I'LL KILL YOU!!

Percy's siblings: *suffering*

Chrysaor: STOPP I CAN'T GET THE IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD!!

Kymopoleia: why are you even imagining it lmao

Percy, is confused: I'm flattered and all I guess,, but why is the literal Bane of Olympus doing here,, in Atlantis,, like this is our family dinner??

[whatohitsonfirewelp]

Bringing this back because of the show

You know while I do think Percy is incredibly powerful I still don’t think Ares was going full out when he fought Percy in the first book.

Like Percy was so unbelievably inexperienced still, it makes zero sense that he’d be able to pretty much beat a god when he still had trouble with monsters.

Like, yes he was by the ocean which absolutely helped him and he absolutely did better than most demigods would but I also think Ares was fucking with him.

This is the god of war, he wants Percy angry. He wants him bloodthirsty and to be a fucking true beast while fighting. But I don’t think he’s ever intended to kill him then, Percy was still a child of one of the big three and Zeus would be upset if only because he didn’t get to do it himself. We know all of them (particularly the sons) are fearful of Zeus.

Like I definitely don’t think he expected Percy to do that well and have that much power but at the end of the day I truly believe Ares was not giving it his all and was mostly fucking with Percy for shits and giggles.

Now, I definitely believe Percy could beat him in a fight now or at least get very close to it with Ares going full out. But then? Nah, Ares saw a chance to mess with a moody sarcastic little shit of a twelve year old and took it

[incorrect-percabeth-quotes]

Percy: I'm breaking up with you.

Annabeth: You'll never find anyone else like me!

Percy: That's the point, shithead!

This was inspired by someone else's post. If the OG blogger wants this taken down, I will remove it.

[takaraphoenix]

Dear Anonymous Shithead

ai wish i could like this but honestly nico/percy is kinda... wll not exactly toxic but like it really isnt something anyone should ship

It is the year 2024 and there are truly still people on AO3 who have not learned how to navigate the very easy filter-system, huh. When will you people learn that comments like these are just truly so embarrassing for you, because they make you look stupid on multiple levels...?

Can't even decide if the choice to 1. not filter when that's such an easy tool to use, 2. open fics for ships you don't like because you don't have anything joyful to do in your life I guess and 3. comment on the fics for the ships you don't like to complain about its existence like that will change anything is the more ridiculous thing or the "not exactly toxic".

The "not exactly toxic" is deadass so funny to me, like, you don't even have the balls to properly insult the ship you that you bothered to actively seek out and complain about. It's not even toxic it's just mildly inconvenient I guess?? You didn't even have the balls to call it an unhealthy age gap or anything, you're just vaguely mildly uncomfortable, like c'mon, this was the explicit "Nico is a high school student and Percy goes to college" fic, I was, like, fully setting you up for success on the unhealthy age gap angle there!

Would love to see all the hypocritical, fully toxic ships that you do ship in your private sin chamber though.

[crithaus]

if he really wanted us to hate him he wouldn't have made him geek out so hard over the feywild or be besties with Keyleth the team moral barometer, that's tal's own fault

I feel like Tal wanted us to hate Percy but he made him sexy so

[snoelledarts]

Hey you! Leave me some Percy Jackson related requests or funny headcannons in my asks and I might just draw them because I have a few days off in a row and I am chomping at the bit to draw more.

Preferably PJO stuff related to one of these things:

Any of the PJO characters as college students or adults (the idea of all of them at 20yrs old is so funny)

Nico di Angelo, my son

Will Solace, my other son

Solangelo

Percabeth

Jason and Percy's terrible bromance

My favorite badly coordinated polycule: Jason/Piper/Annabeth/Percy

Percy and Nico's no good terrible shithead cousin relationship

Anything PJO TV show related

See you in my inbox ! <3

[phykios]

Do you think expectant/new dad!Percy went to Paul for advice? Cause Poseidon wouldn't be a great source of how to be a normal/present/mortal dad. Headcanons?

been thinking about this literally all day

OF COURSE percy went to paul, not just because paul is best dad but also because estelle was born literally like two or three years prior and paul and sally might still have some baby stuff they can donate

at the very least they have multiple late night convos that end up lasting until 3 or 4, because even tho paul is an early to bed kind of guy, percy has been seriously repressing just how scared he is, bc for the longest time, all he knew about fatherhood was either a) shithead abusive dick or b) absent, not-sure-if-i-want-to-claim-you-yet nonhuman who kind of sometimes sees percy more as a weapon than a person

percy: i just--i haven't had enough time with you to know how to be a good father

paul: ����🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[wheretheresawillsolacetheresaway]

we've got a girl/boy pair for each of the big three (jason & thalia, nico & hazel) but no female daughter of neptune or posidian, (althought we have tyson), this leave the door open for the next two pjo books to give percy a(nother) sister! I lowkey want like a frozen in time or something sister that he finds on his godly side and now hes got to deal with the fact that his dads an asshole and he had a whole sister just trapped somewhere. wheres my chronogically older sister whose younger but still treats percy like he's her shithead little brother.

honsetly though percy does have younger sibling/middle child energy and you can't argue with me.

[tidaltow]

Percy has one of those stop-dead-in-your-tracks, miniature heart-attacks just then. His brain trips over itself, tumbles in probably a million somersaults—and for a split second, the only clear thought in his head is Uh oh. But, hey, before you say anything, it has nothing to do with being talked back to. No, Percy expects that. Heck, he pretty much encourages it most days.

Instead, it has everything to do with a fleeting feeling of familiarity. So much so that he has to perform a double-take, look back again to check . . .

It’s not Annabeth. (As much as it sounded like her for a moment.)

He’s not gonna die.

Well. Jury’s out on that second part.

“Yeah, I’m asking you that question now that you’re putting up a whole fuss about it. If you wanna talk about bullshitting . . . ” he says once he’s recovered from his little internal panic. At least in that aspect. Another one is still in progress. “Look, I don’t got time to—” It’s unfair how quickly and unavoidably emotions can escalate: from panic to annoyance to frustration to anger all in one fell swoop, it seems. But Percy clenches his jaw. He lets out a huff and meets Elle’s gaze as calmly as possible.

“It’s Grover.” The way he announces that makes it sound like that’s all the explanation she’s getting, or definitely just all she needs. He ends up saying more. “I don’t know where he is. I can’t get a hold of him. I had dreams last night because, y’know, of course I did. Why would the dreams just stop, like— Who wants a break right? Not me.” Percy throws his hands up, rolls his eyes at the sky like this is Zeus’s doing. “And, no. I don’t have a plan, in case you’re wondering. I’m just— I’m not about to just sit around until I come up with one.”

"Only things I heard? The sound of you being rude to me for no reason at all. Oh, and the sound of you asking." The interruption, she can deal with. That's part and parcel of being at a camp filled to the brim with demigods and demi-titans. The dismissive handwaving? Not so much. He does that again? She'll steal his hand and (softly) whack him upside the head.

"You said, verbatim: 'Now, c'mon. Or do you just plan on standing there?' and that's a question if I ever heard one. You can't bullshit a witch, Perseus." Slowly, Elle makes her way towards him. "Instead of shoving your manners to the side, how about you just clue me in on what you want from me, yeah? That makes things easier for everyone involved. 'Cause you sure as shit don't look like you need a truth tincture with the way you've been spilling it."

[worstmombracket]

The Worst Dad Bracket Masterpost

ROUND 4: Ends Thursday, May 25th at 2:00 PM CST

Feel free to send in any propaganda for the shitty dad YOU think should win the coveted World's Worst Dad cup!

1A Matchups:

Enji "Endeavor" Todoroki (My Hero Academia) vs Dr. Martin Brenner (Stranger Things) - Battle of the Training From Hell Dads Winner: Endeavor

Donald Davenport (Lab Rats) vs Preston Northwest (Gravity Falls) - Battle of the Rich Dads Winner: Preston Northwest

Bro Strider (Homestuck) vs Every Dad from Fire Emblem Fates (Fire Emblem Fates) - Battle of the Dads of Timey Wimey Nonsense Kids Winner: Bro Strider

Mr. Turner (Fairly Oddparents) vs Martin Blyndeff (Epiteth Erased) - Battle of the Dads of Kids who Should Not Have That Responsibility Winner: Martin Blyndeff

Straff Venture (Mistborn) vs Viren (The Dragon Prince) - Battle of Dads I Know Nothing About Winner: Straff Venture

Iemitsu Sawada (Katekyo Hitman Reborn!) vs Jacques Schnee (RWBY) - Battle of Mafia vs Robber Baron Dads Winner: Jacques Schnee

John Winchester (Supernatural) vs Trigon (Teen Titans) - Battle of the Demon Hunter and Demon Dads Winner: John Winchester

John "Jod" Gaius (The Locked Tomb) vs Nyarlathotep (Persona 2) - Battle of the Dads Whose Submission Reasonings Made Me Go WTF the Most Winner: John "Jod" Gaius

1B Matchups:

Clay Puppington (Moral Orel) vs Claude Frollo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame) - Battle of the Religious Trauma Dads Winner: Claude Frollo

William Afton (Five Nights At Freddy's) vs Roy (Don't Hug Me I'm Scared) - Battle of the Purple and Yellow Dads Winner: William Afton

Walter White (Breaking Bad) vs Homer Simpson (The Simpsons) - Battle of the Bald Dads Winner: Walter White

Buck Cluck (Chicken Little) vs Ghetsis (Pokémon Black and White) - Battle of the Animal Abuse Dads Winner: Ghetsis

Masayoshi Shido (Persona 5) vs Manfred von Karma (Ace Attorney) - Battle of Your Rival's Shitty Dads Winner: Manfred von Karma

Harry Wormwood (Matilda) vs Gabe "Smelly Gabe" Ugliano (Percy Jackson and the Olympians) - Battle of the Ordinary Shitty Dads with Extraordinary Powerful Kids Winner: Harry Wormwood

Gabriel Agreste (Miraculous Ladybug) vs Gozaburo Kaiba (Yu-Gi-Oh!) - Battle of the Corporate Shithead Dads Winner: Gabriel Agreste

Gendo Ikari (Neon Genesis Evangelion) vs Firelord Ozai (Avatar: The Last Airbender) - Battle of the Dads of Kids in Desperate Need of Therapy Winner: Firelord Ozai 2A Matchups:

Enji "Endeavor" Todoroki (BNHA) vs Preston Northwest (Gravity Falls) - Battle of the Classless High Class Dads

Winner: Endeavor

Bro Strider (Homestuck) vs Martin Blyndeff (Epithet Erased) - Battle of the Neglectful Toy Enthusiast Dads

Winner: Martin Blyndeff

Straff Venture (Mistborn) vs Jacques Schnee (RWBY) - Battle of the Arshitocracy Dads

Winner: Straff Venture

John Winchester (Supernatural) vs John "Jod" Gaius (The Locked Tomb) - Battle of the John Dads

Winner: John Gaius

2B Matchups:

Claude Frollo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame) vs William Afton (FNAF) - Battle of the Burning Dads

Winner: Claude Frollo

Walter White (Breaking Bad) vs Ghetsis (Pokemon Black & White) - Battle of the Kingpin Dads

Winner: Ghetsis

Manfred von Karma (Ace Attorney) vs Harry Wormwood (Mathilda) - Battle of the there's not a coherent theme here ngl dads

Winner: Von Karma

Gabriel Agreste (Miraculous Ladybug) vs Firelord Ozai (ATLA) - Battle of the Big Bad Dads

Winner: Fire Lord Ozai

Round 3 Matchups:

Endeavor vs Martin Blyndeff - Battle of the Selfish Dads

Winner: Martin Blyndeff

Straff Venture vs John Gaius - Battle of the Literary Dads

Winner: Straff Venture

Claude Frollo vs Ghetsis - Battle of the Ominous Latin Chorus Dads

Winner: Claude Frollo

Manfred von Karma vs Fire Lord Ozai - Battle of the Rival’s Shitty Dad… 2!

Winner: Fire Lord Ozai

Round 4 Semifinals Matchups:

Martin Blyndeff vs Straff Venture - Battle of the Dark Horse Dads

Claude Frollo vs Fire Lord Ozai - Battle of the Awful Authorities Dads