#percussion had a 3 way tie for the last 2 spots
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alright it's time for the final round of the BEST INSTRUMENT BRACKET
decided to go with the numbers that were easist for me to get, with 2 string instruments, 3 wind, and 5 percussion, to fill out all of our options
also, this poll will be going on for a week instead of a day. i want to get as many people to vote as possible, so make sure you reblog!
#best instrument bracket#not a quote#percussion had a 3 way tie for the last 2 spots#i narrowed it down to the 2 by going off of previous polls#i wanted to fill out all 10 poll slots otherwise i would have only put in 3 percussion
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Best Massage Complete Review Guide
Best Massage Gun
Utilizing a handheld back rub firearm, otherwise called a percussion back rub weapon or percussion massager, can have various advantages for your body, particularly in the event that you always have pressure in your neck and back. For individuals with lower back issues, rub firearms can be a lifeline. For the individuals who work out all the time, the back rub weapon is a need for a pre-exercise warm-up and post-exercise recuperation. On the off chance that you are plunking during without fail and working in an office seat, you likely will have some sort of back issues that should be worked out. With an amazing message firearm, you can do only that in the solace of your own home.
The following are our top picks and surveys for each back rub weapon we like available at the present time. They have been surveyed for the accompanying:
Speed and power
Flexibility and transportability
Connections and extras
Battery life
TheraGun G2PRO Professional Massager
Thera Gun Massage Gun
TheraGun Massage Gun
Speed and Power
The TheraGun G2PRO is amazingly ground-breaking, however, it just has a solitary speed. Since it professes to be adjusted by doctors, we worked the TheraGun around tight muscle joints and lower back pressure to perceive how it would do. Generally speaking, we felt it was more dominant than most handheld massagers. We recorded 2,400 percussions for every moment. This back rub can apply 80 lbs of weight at 16 mm adequacy.
Flexibility and Portability
This back rub weapon fits into any knapsack without occupying an excess of room or feeling like a lot of weight. It comes in at just shy of 2.5 pounds. Utilizing the back rub weapon is very fun because of the structure and handle. You get extremely exact percussions inside simply the correct spot, quickly easing pressure and strain.
Connections and Accessories
Thera Gun Accessories
TheraGun Accessories
TheraGun demonstrates that it can accomplish something other than diminish pressure. It’s a powerful massager that offers assistance with blood course, sore muscles, muscle spasms, thus significantly more. The massager accompanies four unique connections that each offer a similar reason for supporting in sore muscle help, however, every connection does it in its own specific manner. The various connections and different frill included are as per the following:
Conveying case
AmpBITs conveying case
Four diverse AmpBITS (standard ball, enormous ball, cone, and dampener)
Lithium-particle charger
Two lithium-particle batteries
Battery Life
The battery life for the TheraGun is quite solid. They regularly last around 45 minutes and take about an hour to charge. TheraGun suggests keeping the two batteries charged so you can get the second when the principal passes on.
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We preferred that the TheraGun has such a large number of clients and positive surveys. This is likely because of the TheraGun being the most generally realized back rub weapon. The weapon itself works great and truly has all that you need in an expert, therapeutic back rub firearm that can pinpoint muscle and stress, mitigating any soreness and strain. Note that this back rub instrument is somewhat costly, however, it merits the expense thinking of you as getting different connections and adornments, just as the powerful quality. You won’t discover an excessive number of massagers that can yield up to 80 lbs of weight.
Hyperice Hypervolt Portable Massage Device
Look at our top to a bottom survey of the unpacking of the Hypervolt HERE.
Hypervolt Massage Gun
Hyperice Hypervolt
Speed and Power
Something you promptly see about the Hypervolt percussion massager is that it’s ground-breaking. You can feel the weight and percussions. With up to 3,200 percussions for every moment, it genuinely feels like your muscles are in effect therapeutically treated by an expert back rub. The power is movable. There are three-speed levels, which enable you to switch up the weight and speed as you need.
Flexibility and Portability
The Hypervolt massager just weighs 2.5 lbs, so it’s lightweight to hold. The handle and configuration give you stable control when you’re moving over the lower back and arms. You can press in for more profound pressure, or you can rapidly move crosswise over shoulders and different regions effortlessly.
Connections and Accessories
Hypervolt Massage Gun Attachments
The Hypervolt accompanies four connections: ball head (mildest one), flathead, projectile head, and forkhead. cone. The connections on Hypervolt are altogether different from different massagers. This incorporates the two-dimensional tradable connections that are useful for high-weight pressure alleviation. Other than the four exchangeable connections, battery, and charger, you won’t get any extra embellishments from HyperIce.
Battery Life
The battery life is very solid on the Hypervolt which is another immense in addition to. You won’t need to stress over re-charging in your post-exercise. This battery endures as long as 3 hours on a solitary charge and is removable so you can swap another battery in if necessary.
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On the off chance that you have the financial limit, at that point the Hypervolt Massage Gun is perhaps the best firearm out there for percussion rub. There are four exchangeable connections, and it has higher percussions every moment than most different massagers out there. You’ll have the option to rapidly soothe each sore muscle with this device, regardless of whether you have very touchy zones, for example, where you may manage lower back torment.
TimTam Power Massager v1.5 Hand Held Muscle Massager
TimTam back rub weapon
TimTam Massage Gun
Speed and Power
The TimTam percussion massager is a magnificent helpful back rub firearm. It had the option to separate bunches and discharge pressure all through our shoulders, neck, and back territories. As far as speed, it’s evaluated to go up to 2,500 percussions for each moment, which is keeping pace with different massagers on this rundown. In any case, you won’t spend as a lot to get back rub control that can in any case discharge strain in your muscles quickly.
Adaptability and Portability
The structure isn’t generally the best on the TimTam. It feels somewhat massive, yet it likewise enables you to push in and feel stable when you feel a very tight tie in your back and shoulder zone. The head circles 90-degrees yet accompanies just one ball connection head, which felt very hard in contrast with other brands’ connections with finished pads. Accompanying just a single standard connection, it’s not as adaptable as others on this rundown, yet that is a piece of what makes it so reasonable. Clients intrigued by different connections can buy them independently.
Connections and Accessories
Tim Tam Accessories
TimTam Accessories
The TimTam is well-enjoyed at its cost, yet the low-value point doesn’t compensate for the absence of connections or frill. The firearm itself just accompanies one connection. Be that as it may, the standard ball connection that it accompanies is strung and is in a bad way into the right spot. TimTam has some other heads you can buy which enable it to rival other back rub weapons as far as fluctuation. The TimTam accompanies a versatile voyaging case and a charger for the removable battery.
Battery Life
The battery was incredible during the 30 minutes of utilization. With a removable 12V lithium-particle battery, you can knead a large portion of your emphasize focuses without inclination the charge drop off. Clients using in group or expert settings might need to buy different batteries or investigate TimTam’s Gym Recovery Station.
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The TimTam is a decent massager on the off chance that you are on a financial limit and simply need something to enable you to work out stressed muscles. While it’s not as amazing as other handheld massagers, the lower value point and better than average percussions every moment still make it an extraordinary back rub firearm for home use.
TheraGun G3Pro
TheraGun G3Pro examination
Speed and Power
TheraGun is a stand-out brand and has kept on raising its an item with every age of its back rub firearm. The organization doesn’t disillusion with the TheraGun G3Pro. It’s extremely simple to utilize and it conveys on power with a slow down power of 60 pounds and 2 movable paces of 1,750 percussions for every moment and 2,400 percussions for every moment. Furthermore, the back rub weapon is tranquil – a lot calmer than its antecedent the G2 Pro. TheraGun made a phenomenal showing of restricting the sound, without giving up power. While it’s not the calmest back rub firearm available, its tranquil enough to be utilized out in the open.
Flexibility and Portability
The grasp on this back rub firearm makes it one of the simpler massagers to use with only one hand activity. With changing kneading edges, 2 working paces and 6 distinctive connection heads, it ought to have all the flexibility you’ll require. It’s not the most lightweight back rub firearm but rather it is compact enough that it’s anything but difficult to bring along any place you’re going. The battery is removable so if air travel is in your future, you can pack the battery in your portable luggage, yet put the remainder of the gadget in your checked sack.
Connections and Accessories
The TheraGun G3Pro accompanies an assortment of connections and two or three embellishments. You can pick between six diverse separable back rub heads, including a huge ball, standard ball, dampener, thumb, wedge, and a cone. To the extent frill, the G3Pro accompanies two lithium-particle batteries, a battery base stand, and battery charger. It additionally accompanies a zippered pocket for the connections and a zippered conveying case with handle for everything.
Battery Life
We found that it was unbelievably simple to utilize the TheraGun G3Pro for significant lots of time because of it having 2 batteries that each most recent 75 minutes each. The two lithium-particle batteries charge rapidly and enable you to consistently have a charged battery available should one of them kick the bucket. The back rub firearm has a battery life show on it so you are constantly mindful of how much charge is remaining.
End
The TheraGun G3Pro offers about all that you’d need in a back rub firearm. It has an assortment of connections and choices that can be used and an enduring battery that can be supplanted whenever with its reinforcement. It’s an amazing, yet calm back rub firearm that can meet any athlete
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for the number ask one, 1-50
ooh, anon. you are one curious piece of shit.
1. I have one, but it’s pretty stupid and I've only had it like idk 3 or 4 times? But basically its set in a setting that kinda reminds me of the city on Tatooine in star wars. and me and my bro(in the dream we always look how we looked when we were like 6-7 lmao), and we’re just running around apparently being chased by a t-rex? I'm not sure bc i could never turn around to look but my bro seemed adamant about it being a t-rex, we run into a building and it has this weird fucker who idk how to describe(I just looked it up and the weird thing in my dream kinda looked like Watto from star wars, aka this fucker:
) anyways we go into a building with this fucker in it and he’s just like “Hey stay here and you’ll be safe ;)” and me and my bro are just like “OK WE TRUST U” and then he proceeds to try and feed us to some fuckin raptor or something and then me and my bro run away. And then we continue to run and run through his building being snapped at by raptor lookin fuckers when we run through. Then at some point we see our mom, and we run towards her but we can never reach her. The dream just ends when we’re like 5 feet away from her. ??? the first time i had this dream i was fuckin 6 or 7 and i fell asleep in my bed and woke up sitting at the counter in our kitchen at the time and in one of those tall stools, with a glass of water in front of me, the kitchen light was on , and i was alone??? How did i get there?? How did i get the milk?? How did I turn on the light?? Who knows.
2. Apples or bananas.
3. Definitely Sweet
4. This sounds stupid, but I'm only moderately spooked of the dark tbh(and that's why i have two nightlights in my room ;D)
5. Uh according to google a pickle is both a fruit and vegetable, but ima just say my least favorite vegetable is a pickle.
6. Uuuhhhhhhh probably Pop Art(i had to look up art movements for this shit)
7. Yes, i do drink milk.
8. I’m assuming I'm not allowed to include fanfics so lemme go grab the last book i read(which i read 2 months ago.. whoops) fuck the last book i read was The Twisted Ones,,, “ ”That’s not Charlie.” ”
9. Depends
10. Hm.. I’d have to say probably learning that my mom’s dad, GPa(aka what we call him) died four days after i was born..
11. Honestly, my Dad. and honestly, as sad as this sounds, he probably affected me in the worst way possible.
12. Oohhhh, I actually thought about this last night lmao. For dogs, probably either a Husky, a Black Lab, or an Australian Shephard. And for cats, probably a Siamese, a Turkish Angora, or a Japanese Bobtail. :)
13. Awwww!! Ok ok ok, so 5-Yertle, 4-Turt, 3-Turtie, 2- dudeski/rainbow(my girlfriend has a turtle and she named him rainbow, but she renamed him to be dudeski now, and honestly i just love those names), 1-Crush.
14. Probably an art teacher tbh.
15. Dakota and Frank. I just really hate those names and all the people I've met with those names suck so far. And i just slightly dislike anybody with the names Andrew and Katherine, idk why tho lmao.
16. Either F or Y
17. Piano, ukulele, and anything percussion related lmao.
18. Maggie(
19. A spoopy ghost >:D
20. Of the three I've only ever had fish, but id fuckin LOVE to have a snake :0
21. Both.
22. Atm i really like Forget Me Nots :)
23. Neither.
24. Uh not really lmao
25. Uhm kinda.
26. There's been a lot dude
27. I collect gemstones and pins :)
28. 4.
29. I once slept all day and woke up at around 11:40 PM :)
30. In my room alone(and not including the stickers on my walls, uhh 6(technically 7)
31. Never. I still do. ;)
32. Skittles, Starbursts, and Airheads.
33. Either pie or brownies.
34. Yeah, i haven't really used it tho.. But it’s a Canon EOS Rebel Gii i think? Whatever it’s this thing:
35. Ye, currently I have a necklace w/ a golden Freddy dog tag on it one of my brothers bought me, i have a hair tie on my left wrist(i count it as jewelry >:|), a cute lil bracelet on my right arm, and a cute lil silver ring on my left ring finger(it refuses to fit on any other finger, even on my right hand. It fuckin refuses and idk why lmao)
36. Sunset
37. With headphones
38. Well my fav show rn(since im still a kid lmao) is definitely Queer Eye
39. I have two fav spots. The first is in my room, and it’s at the head of my “bed”(im sleeping on a mattress on the floor until we can afford to get me an actual bed lol), where my desk is and i sit on the floor with my feet under the desk while I lean back into my pillows. The other spot is on our couch in the living room, on one end of the couch there isn't a back or an arm rest, and almost right next to it is a window with a fan in it that we always keep on(sitting there is especially comfy bc it’s been sat on so much there's a giant soft indent there and the fan blows in cool air and it’s just great.)
40. cold(only bc when i’m cold i have an excuse to wear my hoodie and wrap my blanket around myself lol)
41. I… i dont have any good jokes :(
42. Well it’s not the weirdest thing but once i saw two boys naruto running past me while at school.
43. CD.
44. My girlfriend and my friend Antonio :(
45. Japan and my shitty fuckin household ;D.
46. We had one who would sub for almost every fuckin class i think. And she had a kid who went to the middle school i was going to at the time(she was in my grade and was really nice tbh), but she really sucked? Liked she would sub for our choir class and basically ignore us the entire time, and she subbed for my science class for an entire quarter of the school year last year, and she basically fucked up our entire routine in hat class and when our teacher came back we couldn't even fix our shit while the actual fuckin teacher was back. Jfc, i just don't like that sub tbh,,
47. Not really
48. Idk, but i believe in ghosts so uh,
49. I’ll describe BOTH! >:D ok so first, family.
My oldest bro, he’s 20 and borderline autistic, we get in fights a lot but he can actually be real nice(never tell him i said that tho).
My second oldest bro, hes 18(turning 19 in 14 days), really nice and fuckin hilarious, and probably my fav of my brothers, also he works at McDonalds :).
My third oldest bro, he’s 15(turning 16 in 5 days :0) kinda mean, ok no really mean, and very bratty, very annoying, and very dramatic, he is good at writing tho.
My dad(ew), he’s in his 50s, a huge dick, deserves nothing but sadness(in my opinion), yells a lot, just an overall asshole.
My mom(yay), in her 40s, really nice :D, really funny!, a huge dork, deserves nothing but love and happiness, she’s basically our best friend while also bein a strict and good mom
Now my pETS!! :DDDD.
Pepper, a very fluffy black and white adult kitty boye, can be v angry, but also can be v nice, you never know which he is until you pet him.
Dirty, a gray and white adult kitty boye, very nice and deserves all the pets and cuddles.
Smokie, gray kitten boye, very sneaky, very annoying, i hardly ever see him nowadays :(.
Mama, a black(with a lil bit of white) adult kitty, not an actual mom, just really fat and has worms, easily spooked(it’s sad lmao), loves to be pet but also loves to bite u when u pet her.
Runner,(my fav) a black adult kitty who’s really sweet and deserves the fuckin universe, he learned to run before he learned to walk, v nice and sweet
Anyways
50. HAHAHAHAH. No.
OK IM DONE! This took too long lmao whoops
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SECRET RADIO | Sept.12.20
Secret Radio Brooklyn | 9.12.20 | Broadcast from the print shop (Hear it here.)
1. Fela Kuti - It’s Highlife Time
Such a cheery introduction to a night at the Afro Spot. There’s an elegance and restraint and Western-facing showmanship that is the exact opposite of what Fela Kuti’s music came to be, but it seems completely sincere — just a different stage of an incredibly productive life.
2. Ros Serey Sothea - Jam 5 Kai Thiet (Wait 5 More Months)
The guitar tones, really all the tones of this song, are so perfect, and the structure is both immaculately pop-shaped and full of gnarly rock distortion.
3. Sylvie Vartan - L’oiseau
Such a piercing chorus! It almost sounds like she’s making a birdcall, and we’ve been really appreciating bird sounds this summer in the woods.
4. Singer Nahounou and T.P. Poly Rythmo de Cotonou Benin - Gbabouo
This is a 1978 T.P. track, so they’re in their prime, with Papillon providing those amazingly beautiful guitar waterfalls. I don’t know anything about Singer Nahounou, but his vocal phrasing is a lot more like the Zimbabwean style of Hallelujah Chicken Run Band than any of the Beninese musicians they more often play with. Someone says it has “a strong Ivory Coast influence,” but I don’t know what that means. I do know that this song makes me dance, and as it goes on you can hear the musicians really stretching out and playing with the essential elements of the groove, all led by the unstoppable Bentho Gustave on bass.
5. Teddy Afro - Atse Tewodros
I don’t know if you’ve had the experience of being halfway through a feast at an Ethiopian restaurant and suddenly realizing that you’ve been loving the music the entire time. For us, that restaurant was Meskerem on South Grand, and the band was Teddy Afro. The best part, though, might be this video, in which a collection of beautiful people do the shoulder dance seemingly all over Ethiopia, in grassy fields and castle walls and city streets, in pairs and trios and teams. It’s completely mesmerizing. Meanwhile, the footage of Teddy Afro’s live show sweeps across a crowd of tens of thousands of ecstatic fans. It’s a glimpse into several worlds I know nothing about — but the music certainly seems to speak a universal language of optimism and hope. Anyone who can tell me whether I’m completely mistaken about that, please do.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRC6C8bRkQQ&list=RDmAHeyKUKMBE&index=3
6. Francis Bebey - New Track
The way this song gradually coheres from thumb piano to futuristic space jam is a clinic. I could listen to Francis Bebey talk all night.
7. Manu Dibango - Groovy Flute
Our respect to Manu Dibango, who passed on March 24 of this year. He is responsible for giving the world Soul Makossa, which we in the US know as mama say mama sa mamakusa thanks to Michael Jackson and Quincy Jones. But MJ didn’t have Groovy Flute.
8. Chantal Goya - D’Abord, Dis Moi Ton Nom
This is from the Godard film Masculin Féminin. If you like this, you’re going to love the WBFF movies broadcast coming soon!
9. Brigitte Bardot - Tu Veux ou Tu Veux Pas
Sleepy Kitty does a version of this song on a 7”. This could be a great song for teaching first-year French — “You want it or you don’t” — including frank attitudes about hooking up.
10. Newen Afrobeat - Upside Down live
Chilean Fela disciples Newen Afrobeat bring their own approach to Fela Kuti’s Upside Down. You can hear how the political urgency of the original translates directly to citizens of a country on the other side of the world. I recently read one of the singers, Macarena, describe the band as a collective that exists to make music and get the word out about the Mapuche people and their mistreatment in Chile.
Like their masterpiece, Opposite People, this is another song that is enhanced by watching the performance. It’s enough to get you dancing just watching the singer wind her way around the stage. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=embxt0jQ8f4
11. Antoine Dougbé & T.P. Orchestre - Kovito Gbe de Towe
The arrangement of this song is just stunning to me. The little guitar licks that steal their way between the downbeats, the sick drums, the sudden disco, the arresting tone of voice, the backing vocals, the phasing guitar solo, the breakdown, and those final percussive call-and-response vocals — this track is just flat out the tops. Currently our favorite artist… which means Dougbé, who wrote the song but didn’t sing it, Melome Clement, who arranged it, Papillon on guitar (I think), the incredibly tight drums, the horn section that cuts like a knife, and this whole period of T.P. Orchestre.
Serge Gainsbourg - Aux Armes Et Caetera
When this recording appeared there was a freakin uproar among the French, who were scandalized that anyone would translate the French national anthem into (gasp!) reggae form.
12. Van Goose - Last Bus
Credit due to Jen Meller for telling us long ago that Van Goose was a band to be listening for. We saw them for the first time at Underwater Sunshine in Manhattan and danced so hard that when we heard their next gig was New Year’s Eve, our plans were settled. I get so lost inside this song!
13. Stereo Total - Ringo I Love You
The first two songs that Paige heard of this band were I Love You Ono and Ringo I Love You — as far as we know, they specialize in Beatles-related songs (which is to say we know almost nothing about this band). Both of those songs are perfect expressions of themselves.
14. 張小鳳 (Zhang Xiao Feng) - 我深深地愛上你 (Eight Days a Week)
We know nothing about this band — this track is the result of supposing that a certain thing must exist, and then finding confirmation of its existence. What a strange chordal relation to the original it has.
Harvey Danger - Authenticity
20 years ago this week King James Version came out, which was a really really big day in a really big time in my life. One fine detail I just noticed is that I lived about a mile north of Pike Street 20 years ago, and I live about a mile south of Park Slope today. Which I don’t think me-then would have hated. Anyway I’m still enjoying every damn day, modern horrorshow notwithstanding!
15. Ben Blackwell - Bury My Body at Elmwood
So many times every year where we realize how much we miss Bob Reuter — his radio show, his photographs, his writing, and more than anything the man himself — and this is a song we first heard via Bob’s Scratchy Records.
16. Jacqueline Taïeb - 7 heures du matin
This song kind of encapsulates a lot of what I want this collection of songs to be — a crashing together of cultures that ties back to the universal elements of rock n roll. Jacqueline Taïeb is flat out the coolest.
17. Liev Tuk - Rom Sue Sue (Dance Soul Soul)
Another entry in our James Brown shockwave studies. This is a Cambodian track from the ’60s, so presumably made around the interaction of French and American soldiers with Cambodian citizens… probably mostly in bars near bases? That’s what I picture happening, but I don’t actually know anything about it. I will say that I think Liev brings his own thing to the track, a real animal grandeur.
18. Soumitra & Mousumi Chatterjee - Urbashi Soundtrack - Jogi Jogi
We’ve been trying to learn more about Bengali culture and language from our young neighbors in our building in Kensington. We’re kind of hoping that someone in the building recognizes this song — though it’s equally possible they would look at us like we were crazy. This is a soundtrack to a movie billed as a “thriller” — dig that ’80s keyboard movie-soundtrack solo — and Paige and I have already spent quite a bit of time theorizing, based purely on the music, what sort of movie we’ll encounter when we find it. Also, this is a new earworm you won’t be able to shake. I’d say I’m sorry but I’m not!
19. The Fall - Shoulder Pads
The Fall is one of our very favorite bands — actually, T.P. Orchestre is the first real contender for other favorite band in years — but I’m very aware of the fact that I have pretty much always approached these songs as broadcasts from an alien culture. The decisions that Mark E. Smith made, song after song, are so completely mysterious and thrilling to me, as is the way the band composed, and for the most part they’re talking about British cultural winds that have almost nothing to do with my world. Anytime we play a song by The Fall I feel like I’m in danger of losing myself to only Fall songs for the next month. Tie me to the mast!
20. T.P. Orchestre & Bentho Gustave - Agnon Djidjo (Tu as bon caractère)
This is the final track on Le Disque d’Or, and the melody just feels so full of importance, like something absolutely vital is being transmitted. When we were trying to keep track of songs, I referred to this song as “Benin’s Phil Collins.” Obviously not much overlap, but I do feel like the chorus has PC’s paranoid urgency. As far as Paige can tell, the lyrics are “Je suis heureux de vivre pres de toi jusqu’au le fin du monde,” which would be “I’m happy to be with you til the end of time.” We don’t know if those are the lyrics, but they certainly work for me.
21. Joanna Kulig & Marcin Masecki - Dwa Serduszka
If you haven’t seen the film Cold War, we can’t recommend it highly enough. Also, you should know that it’s devastatingly sad. But right from the opening scene, the music alone is a revelation, and the main actors are enough to make you understand that we’re only seeing a fraction of the world’s charismatic actors in the English-speaking context, o yo yo.
22. Blossom Dearie - Manhattan
Paige has always loved this song, especially because Blossom Dearie is the piano player as well, which is something we think about with Nat King Cole but not necessarily with a singer like her. And now this song seems like a description of the empty streets of Manhattan, and it being such a strange time. Mott Street is different right now — but it’s still New York, and these buildings have been there so long, through World War II, September 11, a lunatic for pres, and now COVID-19. Sadness and optimism: “The great big city’s a wondrous toy.”
Orchestre de la Paillotte - Kadia Blues
A Guinean band created to promote Guinean music.
23. Scott Walker - Duchess
A pandemic discovery for Paige. I always meant to get into Scott Walker. I was in a band in Chicago and the guy whose house we practiced at loved Scott Walker. He kinda looked like Scott Walker. He was living in the ‘60s. He had a word processor. I didn’t get into Scott Walker then, nor 10 years later, but over the last year his music landed, at some point between now and the beginning of the pandemic.
24. Inga - Silver Moon
So weird that this song has been translated from English into German… but they use phrases in English that do not exist in the original. I really want to know more about the circumstances of this translation and arrangement. Inga was a German pop star with excellent eye makeup game.
25. Avolonto Honore - Na Do Sê Kpon Wê
The word “elegiac” exists for occasions such as this. The song feels so sincere, whether with regret, loss, love, or bitter experience. It also sounds like the voice of a father to his son, at whatever age. He sounds wise.
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PROMISE ME NO PROMISES -- THE TOP 10 WORST HIT SONGS OF 2017
Let’s just get on with it. I’ll be less intricate and eloquent here – I’m just going to rip and tear into all these songs. Hello and welcome to...
THE TOP TEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 2017
I would give you dishonourable mentions but I feel there isn’t much here that is truly terrible enough to be noted other than the songs on the list so let’s just get straight into it!
#10
Have you ever hurt so much, physically or emotionally, that the only thing you can do is yell and yell, like a primal release of your...
PAIN!
#10 – Imagine Dragons – “Believer”
There are many, many elements in this song that mesh together like an insipid soup of gouged eyeballs, but on their own are more like slightly expired cheese strings – just that right balance of annoying, gross and still kind of okay, so much that you just don’t notice it if you don’t pay much attention. Let me tell you how about every single one of them:
1) What on earth is that percussion? This was supposed to be powerful but just sounds like the drummer fell asleep on his drum kit, with the bassist swirling his head around when needs be so he can hit the right drums.
2) The buzzing synth that is ever so subtle but ever so murderously annoying.
3) Dan Reynolds’ vocal inflections and singing – we’ll talk about those later.
4) The backing vocals sounding like wolves howling so weakly you’d think they’re in...
PAIN!
5) That.
6) The fact that Dan makes a weak attempt at rapping.
7) The lyrics making next to no sense and having next to no structure.
8) The whole point of the grating-as-all-hell chorus being so it can have that pause and dramatic drop for a movie trailer.
9) The fact that it’s still insanely catchy despite all these flaws.
10) And finally, the collision of all these intestine-munching parasites in the stomach-curling hell of a final chorus, with even more of those shrill additional vocals from the rest of the fantasy dragons that sound like a choir straight out of Robot Hell.
God, and this is only #10.
#9
This will be unpopular. Very unpopular.
#9 – SZA – “Love Galore” featuring Travis Scott
Let’s talk about how much of an autotuned non-prescience Travis Scott is. He sounds like he’s been drowned out entirely by his own waves of sing-rapping. Not to say SZA’s inflections and melody aren’t any more annoying. The “love” melody is, I swear, one of the worst melodies I’ve heard all year. SZA has a faux-Jamaican accent thing going on, which wouldn’t be bad if it weren’t so obnoxious. Those effects piled onto her vocals aren’t doing her any favours, either. The worst part of this song is not Travis and it’s not SZA. It’s the production. The minimalistic, boring production in the intro leads to a bass-boosted apple-picking session where the apples are filled with helium, the tree is shaking and I have a knife to my throat. There’s a metaphor in there somewhere. I would put this in a tied entry higher on the list but I can’t deny the harmony later into the song and Travis’ adlibs are always a treat, honestly. Ya! I don’t know why, but I love them. You could say I low-oh-low-ah-oh-love them. I’m sorry, everyone who like this – and I know, there’s a lot of them – but I’m not a fan.
#8
[chuckling and snickering]
#8 – Drake – “Fake Love”
[bursts out laughing] This song is probably too hilarious to hate, but it’s so pathetic that I just had to put it on here. If you like subtly autotuned wailing leaping out of Drake’s confused, blurred mess of a vocal performance, over steel pans and trap percussion, you’re in luck.
Whole time, they wanna take my place / Whole time, they wanna take my place
That falsetto sounds like a whimpering child whose sandcastle just got stomped on. It’s somehow both cute and ear-shredding.
I’ve been down so long
You were never down; in fact, we’re damn near sick of you, Drake. You don’t sound like you were on any type of downer when you recorded this though. The sheer emotion in his vocals is clear, but they’re not very good at all. They just aren’t, and I can’t listen to this song without clocking a smile. When I’m sad, I put this song on. It’s that depressingly hilarious.
Fake people showing fake love to me / Straight up to my face
The lyrics to this are blunt but fragile, and are actually a beautiful set of lyrics that really capture Drake’s anger – are people showing him fake love? Probably not, but he’s so paranoid that they are. It’s a great set of lyrics, but Drake’s delivery is equivalent to a parrot who just got dumped and is feeling human emotions like grief, denial and sadness for the first time in its life. This could have easily been the same spot on my best list, so much that I had to go to random.org to decide if this should go on the best or worst list because this is simultaneously terrible and terrific. That Scary Hours EP is pretty cool though, you should check that out... or if you want a laugh, just open up Spotify and listen to “Fake Love”. Better luck next year, better luck next year, ‘cause I’m excited to start giving Drake love next year.
#7
I put two Maroon 5 songs on my best list. I suppose this is my punishment.
#7 – Maroon 5 – “Don’t Wanna Know” featuring Kendrick Lamar
Everyone’s already talked about this song, so I’m not going to beat a dead horse. I’m going to beat a pissy, mind-numbingly repetitive, vocally ear-splitting, blandly tropical, trend-hopping, Kendrick-wasting, badly-tasting, copy-and-pasting, dung-pile of a horse. Oh, wait, I kind of already did that just now. I’ll just leave with you with one of K-Dot’s most fitting lyrics – from this very song:
No more, please stop
#6
This isn’t a hit song; this is a godforsaken nursery rhyme.
#6 – blackbear – “do re mi” (remix) featuring Gucci Mane
The intro to this song is just a bunch of random noises. I’m not kidding, there’s a few synthesizer sounds, a pitched-up reverb-affected sample of blackbear singing the hook, blackbear’s very own ad-libs, some of which are pitched-down, and Gucci Mane yelling “Gucc’!” at the top of his lungs, which I’m surprised isn’t a meme. You know what else is meme-worthy? This dude’s falsetto.
Do re mi, fa, so f**king done with you
And this hook, these lyrics and that melody. Am I the only one who thinks it would somehow be more obnoxious and cringe-worthy if he said “freaking done with you” instead? No?
I think this song is just purely bitter, but not in a way I can relate to, just dark chocolate without flavour or texture. Fittingly, the instrumentation and production is some of the blandest trap-R&B I’ve ever heard. blackbear sounds like a robot for most of the verse until he breaks out as nonsensical child turned angry R&B sing-rapper who broke up with a supposed floozy. Honestly, Gucci Mane’s verse is pretty good but it has hardly any relation to the rest of the song so it’s almost a certainty that I’ll enjoy it, because this song is garbage. How in the hell did this trash make the year-end? I hope blackbear has another hit because frankly, I quite enjoy some of his music, and I don’t want this to be his only hit. Gucci Mane is still awesome though.
#5
There are two songs on this list with a Beyoncé remix, both of which I have credited as the original instead because I don’t want her to be on the list twice when she’s easily the best part of both songs by a landslide. You know why this next one’s on the list, so let’s not waste our time.
#5 – J Balvin and Willy Williams – “Mi Gente”
To describe this song, I have to ask you two questions, the first one being: Have you ever heard a goat or sheep blaring in a farm or zoo? This is what that screeching ear-piercing sample makes you think of – a herd of goats all angry, hungry and confused – which is taken from a song that samples that very sound as well, from another song. The second question is: have you ever heard a reggaeton song? Of course, you have, you’ve heard “Despacito”, haven’t you? Imagine them mixed together, but no, not mixed in a sleekly-designed modern building, collided in a messy derelict ramshackle of an apartment with sweat dripping down every single piece of dirty laundry, in which the sweat is coming from the rats inside the walls instead of the ghastly insane elderly woman who lives there with her ten cats, who is so moist and dry in old age she has lost the ability to sweat, cry or her favourite thing to do, spit on people. Hence, she’s criminally depressed and so am I after listening to this song, as it is so unbearable to the point where I’m flabbergasted at how this became a top 10 hit. Next!
#4
Wait a second... I don’t even know what “mi gente” means. Oh, it means “my people”? Talking about a group of people, here’s our first, last and only tie on the list, and it’s a doozy.
#4 – Yo Gotti - “Rake it Up” featuring Nicki Minaj / Lil Uzi Vert - “XO Tour Llif3”
These are completely different songs, but they both represent the oversaturation of trap in their sleep-inducing beats, stupid, scatterbrain lyrics that show off every single rap cliché possible (I’ll go into detail some other time in a bonus list after this one) and a whole dose of bad vocal performances, most notably Lil Uzi Vert’s autotuned whining in “XO Tour Llif3”. At least they’re the only God-awful trap songs to be hits this year.
#4 – Kodak Black – “Tunnel Vision”
Oh, yeah, the song about racial profiling that also includes a lyric about or at least implying a reference to your rape charges... I think I know why they want you locked up, mate. While you’re there, we should also give you some basic English education, because anyone who thinks “iggin’” is a perfectly usable word, and that “winning”, “listen” and “iggin’” rhyme with “penitentiary” should probably start re-thinking if the school they went to did the best job they could. Well, at least Rae Sremmurd didn’t have a hit this year.
#4 – Ayo & Teo – “Rolex” / Rae Sremmurd – “Swang”
Two—two of them? We have two of them now?!
Hop out, drop-top, f **k y’all talkin’, I need it right now, right now
What’s with the falsettos this year? Did everyone forget how to sing in a higher pitch properly?
#4 – ZAYN and Taylor Swift – “I Don’t Wanna Live Forever (Fifty Shades Forever)”
Oh, so, that’s a yes, then? How about we just give hits to people who can’t sing at all?
#4 – Julia Michaels – “Issues”
I have issues with this song, but again, it’d be beating a dead horse with a sack of coal. At least it’s a woman who can’t sing this time... Girl power, I guess?
#4 – Halsey – “Now or Never”
Well, at least she can sing, I suppose. It’s just that this song is all over the place, like a bed that’s way too...
#4 – Migos – “Slippery” featuring Gucci Mane
Sorry, Gucc’. I love you, man, I really do, but you associate yourself with some of the worst singers, some of the least interesting rappers, and sometimes...
Two b****es so fine that I masturbated
...some of the worst yet still very interesting lyrics.
Yes, those are all my picks for #4. They are all as equally lazy and incompetent as each other.
#3
Now let’s move onto one song that is somehow worse than every single song in the last spot combined, mostly due to the annoyance of every single possible sound effect the producers crammed into it.
#3 – Hailee Steinfeld and Grey – “Starving” featuring Zedd
I didn’t know that I was starving ‘til I tasted you
Okay, a bit of a weird metaphor, but it adds some sensuality to it all so it gives the relationship some lip-biting romance, so that’s a decent line.
Don’t need no butterflies when you give me the whole damn zoo
Oh... never mind. Seriously, the concept of this line is okay on paper, but “the whole damn zoo” is so forced and downright nonsensical that it really takes me out of whatever sensuality, romance or even fun this line was supposed to be portraying. Butterflies aren’t even typically animals that are perceived as “zoo animals”; they’re found in zoos in those enclosures but that’s pretty much it. What were you going for here, five writers? Seriously, you had five writers, none of which are credited because of sampling or interpolation by the way, three of which being professional, two of which being Grey themselves, and none of those grown men and women could figure out any reason to why this line is incredibly corny, or have the gall to object it? Yes, most of this section has been about that lyric but what else is there to criticise other than that lyric and the drop, which is one of the weakest this year? I’ll pass.
#2
So what’s number #2? It can’t be as bad as that song.
#2 – Imagine Dragons – “Thunder”
...Then dishonourable mentions time it is!
Dishonourable Mentions
Ed Sheeran – “Shape of You”
This is in order of the Year-End and not my opinion because I just want to not talk about “Thunder” as easily and as long as I can. If the most popular song of the year is this terrible, it should be a bad sign, but 2017 is great, so I suppose there are exceptions.
Sam Hunt – “Body like a Back Road”
I’ve made a rule to never put country songs on any lists because I have a negative bias towards them; just never enjoyed the genre that much. Sorry.
James Arthur – “Say You Won’t Let Go”
Boring.
Kygo and Selena Gomez – “It Ain’t Me”
This drop just completely ruins the song.
Logic – “1-800-273-8255” featuring Alessia Cara and Khalid
Khalid saves this.
Who can relate? (whoo!)
Taylor Swift – “Look What You Made Me Do”
This has a really good pre-chorus. That’s about all my positives.
Machine Gun Kelly – “Bad Things” featuring Camila Cabello
“Havana” must have been a fluke.
Ariana Grande – “Side to Side” featuring Nicki Minaj
Wrist icicle, ride d**k bicycle / Come true, yo, get you this type of blow / If you wanna Minaj, I got a tricycle
D**k bicycle... okay, Nicki.
Shawn Mendes – “Mercy”
I suppose this has enough of a rock edge for me to forgive.
Some random teenage nobodies – “that Vine dance song (why do these still exist)”
Dead horse.
Katy Perry – “Chained to the Rhythm”
Are we tone-deaf?
Are you talking to the people who bought your album?
Jon Bellion – “All Time Low”
Out of all of their discography, I can’t believe “Jon Bellion” is the song that got big. “Weightless” is so much better.
Sam Smith – “Too Good at Goodbyes”
This is so perfect that it sickens me.
P!nk – “What About Us”
This is so non-descript that it sickens me.
Cheat Codes – “No Promises” featuring Demi Lovato
Whoever the guy is needs to input the singing codes. It’s D, O, O, R, left.
Shawn Mendes – “Treat You Better”
Ew.
Rita Ora – “Anywhere”
Oh, how I wish you crossed over.
The Chainsmokers – “Closer” featuring Halsey / Future – “Mask Off” / DJ Khaled – “I’m the One” featuring Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper and Lil Wayne
I’ve yet to decide if these songs are heaven-sent or hells spawn.
Now, let’s talk about the demon that is “Thunder”.
Thunder, feel the thunder
There are so many things about this song that make me want to shrivel up in the corner and rot. First of all, there’s the way-too-bouncy trap production for an otherwise triumphant song; it shouldn’t be this joyful and plucky. Those finger-snaps are so blatantly fake, and that synth sounds like literal yawning edited to sound like a chirping tone that just scratches the surface of unbearable. Dan Reynolds in general is an absolute plonker throughout the verses, with the vocal inflections of a Pez dispenser who just, for no reason, slides off into a spiral of autotuned murmuring in the first verse.
Just a young gun, with a quick fuse / I was uptight, wanna let loose / I was dreaming of bigger things / And wanna leave my whole life behind
The lyrics, by the way, are literally saying “I was into this band before you were cool”, which makes the second verse even more aggravating, especially due to the pitch-shifted vocal that appears on every single one of his terrible vocal inflections.
Kids were laughing in my classes / While I was scheming for the masses
Now I’m smiling from the stage while / You were clapping in the nosebleeds
The verses are terrible, but it’s not the worst part of this song, and neither is the next thing I’m going to bring up, but this is awful too.
You know how Kanye West manipulated samples so they’d sound kind of like a chipmunk? Well, Imagine Dragons do the same, however here, instead of a low-key soul-influenced hip hop track, it’s supposed to be a triumphant synth-pop victory lap, so this repetitious pitch-shifted nonsense is unfitting, unnecessary and unbearable. What are they repeating, you ask? The word “thunder”, which Dan does in the chorus as well. Hence, the word “thunder” is used approximately 78 times, excluding when only one syllable of the word is said (that happens a lot too). This song is just barely over three minutes, and there’s not many instrumental parts, apart from a certain section we’ll get to later. “Thunder” doesn’t have as much of an impact when it’s said nearly 80 times in your relatively short song, that was made for pop radio so of course it’s going to be played frequently.
There’s also that guitar solo... that pathetic wimpy guitar solo. There’s such a leap in hatred and lack of quality and redeemable moments from #3 to #2... what was #1? “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran? Well, I hate that song, but technically, it doesn’t count because it didn’t make the Year-End... screw it.
#10 – Cheat Codes – “No Promises” featuring Demi Lovato
Which means...
#1 – Imagine Dragons – “Thunder”
You happy, Dan? I’m officially jealous of you, like you wanted me to be. I’m envious of your success despite several attempts to make the radio play garbage – and not even the good kind like recyclable garbage or guilty-pleasure garbage, just plain, unadulterated crap worthy of no more attention. Congratu-freaking-lations. I’ll see you for the next episode of Reviewing the Charts or the next review or whatever, I don’t care. Goodbye. Hopefully next year is the same quality or even better than this year. So far it doesn’t seem to be even close.
Thun-thun-thunder, thunder.
#pop#pop music#worst song ever#worst hit songs#hit songs#2017#list season#worst songs#worst list#songs#imagine dragons#sza#travis scott#drake#maroon 5#kendrick lamar#blackbear#gucci mane#j balvin#willy william#yo gotti#nicki minaj#lil uzi#lil uzi vert#julia michaels#zayn malik#taylor swift#kodak black#ayo & teo#rae sremmurd
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Cheat Payday 2
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