#people trying to justify it like ‘fans are dumb everywhere’

[starchildghost]

[kick-a-long]

My take on Attack on Titan is pretty conflicting. On one hand, as you said, it's classic Holocaust/WW2 inversion. I have a deep feeling that the creator Isayama took a basic knowledge of antisemitism (i.e. the armbands) and applied it to the story. My issue lies in the fact that he never once mentioned that antisemitism inspired his story (I've searched high and low and apparently he pointed to WW2 a few times but that's it...) and I find it very despicable to use Jews as inspiration and never mention us once (unless I missed something but idk). I can't shake off the feeling that he probably used his little knowledge about us and expanded on it using his own mind only to use more antisemitic tropes without even realizing. Now the guy's smart and I'm not trying to say he's dumb or infantalize him but gentiles are very ignorant of us, even when they learn about the Holocaust/WW2, they have a hard time understanding us and knowing about us tbh. I'm pretty confused also because an important point of the story is the Eldians being referred to as "the children of the devil" which is so specific to Jews but he never mentioned us ONCE when speaking about influences/inspirations so I have no clue where his knowledge of us lies. Which isn't a good thing.

Attack on Titan is perfect when it comes to showcasing antisemitism and it frustrates the fuck out of me because here you have the Eldians which are a very great depiction of Jews imo (he may not have mentioned us but it's so blatant that we are the inspiration, it's impossible to miss) and yet 1) it's most likely done on accident by some random gentile who never gave us credit and 2) writing choices/mistakes put it in antisemitic territory. The fact that we didn't create this is mind boggling.

I'm a huge fan of aot even with all its flaws and I actually wrote something insanely long pointing of the similarities of "Eldian oppression" with antisemitism and how Eldians are clearly an alternate version of us. I searched everywhere and somehow no one wrote anything making a (decent) comparison. People hate when real life stuff gets compared to fiction and I get it but the case here is that we are the main inspirations so I personally enjoy examining the similarities.

Now one of the issues I've seen be raised about Eldians clearly being Jews is that: Eldians used to rule the world, they colonized and oppressed everyone so that's the reason everyone hates them. This is obviously not good to pair with the fact that Jews are the inspiration here. I'm conflicted because Isayama's vague/weird writing here makes people believe this is the case but as someone who read the manga a million times, I believe it's supposed to be vague because you're supposed to question if this is even true. I think you're supposed to think "maybe this is false and everyone is lying and rewriting history to hate and oppress the Eldians who just scare them with their powers". There's also the fact that Eldia wasn't the only empire and the Marleyan empire (Marley is the main power house of the world) also did heinous things just like Eldia's accused of and I think this is supposed to get you to think real hard. Either way, it gets into antisemitic territory for sure. But in my paper I wrote, this mimics another feature of antisemitism: the rewriting of history which we have to deal with so they can justify oppressing and hating us and the intellectualization of antisemitism. I gave so many examples.

I think aot perfectly highlights the pure insanity of antisemitism honestly. It showcases how cartoonishly evil it is.

Off topic but this paper I did for fun made me extra frustrated because why are we held to such an impossible standard?! I've also studied other movements by minorities wanting to be liberated and to uplift themselves and just like Zionism, these movements have their good and bad and yet only Zionism gets all the criticism. It's so unfair wtf. I know Zionism has caused more harm in comparison (but those movements are not criticised at all, unless it's by a right winger..) and it deserves criticism for that but so did Communism (which is antisemitic and I call that shit out but I personally understand the reason for Communism's existence and respect that it's going to continue to exist). Once again we are the prototype and they're testing the waters of what's "socially acceptable" to say about minorities by using us as the test dummies!

Okay I'll stop now because I will just keep going haha

I feel similarly. i think i don't like labeling it as antisemitic because antisemitism is centered around jews and has an active and obsessive element that other bigorty doesn't. AoT has a total absence of jews but has used jewish narratives about antisemitism second and third hand to push Japanese nationalism. I guess it's hard for me because I don't consider jewish erasure to be antisemitism as I know it even if it's a big part of anti jewish bigotry. if that makes sense? it's not even intentional jewish erasure in my opinion because it treats antisemitism as a universal thing, which it isn't. i think they, like many people, think antisemitism started with ww2 and ended with it. also that it came out of thin air, that antisemites are good people who are mislead instead of intentionally spreading lies to justify the underlying prejudice ingrained in their culture. it gets the cause and effect backwards.

my reasons for thinking the japanese don't understand jews as separate from all europeans or americans or the shit jews face as being a historic recurring thing is that they are one of only a handful of countries that never had a sizable population of jews, muslims, or christians. and even if someone is buddist or atheist there they usually still follow folk religion traditions.

so it's definitely full of anti jewish bigotry but with no relationship to any established antisemitic theory.

[songmingisthighs]

imma just pop in here and say that kpop groups have been going to american music festivals since the 2010s, why is it only a problem now? and i mean, ateez isn't even headlining, so i lowkey feel like yall are making this out to be a wayyy bigger deal than it is. like, it's giving possessive, its giving delusional. and not like "delulu" but "Delusional." capital D. kpop has been getting popularized in the US since psy came out with gangnam style, and then even more so in 2017 when BTS dropped DNA. like it or not, kpop is a very popular genre in the united states, and a large amount of companies revenue at this point comes from ticket and album sales in the states. also, calling the girls at coachella "bandwagoning blind basic bitches" isn't the serve you think it is, bc guess what? at this point, kpop is basic bitch music. and it has been since like, 2018. and that's okay. you will live!

you're missing the context like i'm over here on earth and you're in the next galaxy because

a. don't talk to me about hallyu wave, i've been here since 2009 so you sit your dumb cowardly ass back down and stop shitting in my ask box

b. you're missing the whole point and you not asking context or explanation and just jumping into conclusion says A LOT about your comprehension skill

c. i didn't aim that title at anyone in particular it was just me being dramatic but hey you seem to be triggered so i guess you feel like a bandwagoning POTENTIAL blind basic bitch and i feel sorry for you, do think of yourself a bit more highly mkay dumbass?

d. no kpop is not basic bitch music but maybe to you because you are a basic bitch like look at you so fucking creative hiding behind anon trying to go off but failing like pls you sound like my 12 year old little brother trying to justify his bad grades like go off, loser, waste more time and energy, this is fucking entertaining for me like seeing a muppet get angry lmao

e. kpop is popular everywhere, just because the us had FINALLY catch the fuck up doesn't make it special, okay karen ? there are us kpop fans who have been around since the time suju members could bend down without their backs cracking but rn industries in the us just wanna use kpop as money printing machines rather than actually welcoming the culture and that's how business works, i know, but doesn't mean i have to like it and i can comment on it

f. i don't have any problem per se, i just have opinions like yours but mine is not infringing on other people's spaces and i actually have a point

[lacefuneral]

ok so. this isn't going to be as articulate as i'd like but i'm also very sleep deprived. i will do my best.

i've made the observation previously that fandoms in general tend to be Weird about gender non-conforming men. things like only seeing us through the lens of sexual fetish, failing to reconcile that a GNC man is still a Man, viewing us as being sinful/deviant/promiscuous/bad queer rep, etc.

but! there's something as of late that i've seen the OFMD fandom do. and it is new. i have never in my life seen something like this.

people are now talking about the GNC men in the show... as if they are women. and criticizing OFMD by bringing up misogynistic tropes... and applying them to the men.

which is... not how any of this works. full stop.

i've seen people insist that stede "became the love interest this season who has no arc or depth aside from being a boytoy to ed. and has given up his career for his man."

which, first of all, bonkers take. this entire season is about stede and ed independently going through their own developmental arcs and trying to figure out who they are + what they want. second of all............ stede isn't a woman!

seeing "ugh, he prioritized his love for a man over his career" framed as a negative instead of an active inversion. and it comes across to me as more homophobic than anything. "ugh... he did this for a MAN." well, yes. because stede is gay. and he is in love for the first time in his life. and he is allowed to want a soft, quiet life with his boyfriend. stede has always struggled in his comphet marriage and has wanted nothing more than to have agency to live the way he wants to and to be in a relationship that is fulfilling to him, with a partner that appreciates his quirks and interests. why are you treating this like a form of misogyny when it is about TWO MEN.

next, seeing people describe izzy hand's death as "fridging." i know that this is part of a wider problem of fans who feel the need to lash out because their favorite character is gone, and find a way to justify their anger (you're allowed to just be Mad btw. you don't need a reason.)

the problem is.... fridging is very specifically the critique of a WOMAN being killed off to further a MAN'S journey. and it also typically occurs at the BEGINNING of a narrative, because it is usually the CATALYST. a man is overcome by grief and wants revenge for what happened to his wife, or his girlfriend, or whatever. this does not work for a MAN being killed off at the END of a narrative, whose death does NOT inspire a wider revenge plot by the person grieving him. like, yeah, zheng wants revenge for her fleet being destroyed and auntie being put in danger, but ed isn't interested in fighting.

it's. well. it's very strange to me. and people are talking about these things as if it's a widespread issue. i'd much rather people talk about the actual issues GNC men face rather than inventing ones on the spot. are you going to insist that stede suffers from the "dumb blonde" trope too and how ruinous this is to Men Everywhere? or that ed's mental health arc is proof that women men are too emotional and should never be in a leadership position, lest a boy break their heart and they have feelings over it? please... some fresh air is needed. some sun. some grass.

(sidebar: i personally do not view izzy as GNC. doing drag one time does not a femme make, and he goes back to being femmephobic by the finalé. but this not change wider fandom perception of the character, which is why i've included him here. apparently, one instance of drag is enough to have people talking about him the same way people talk about the other characters. such is the curse of male effeminacy 😔)

[olderthannetfic]

Haah, funny thing... I was just seeing another post on Tumblr calling you out (struck-thru vowels and everything) for "propagating racism" on AO3. I think it was some years old, but it did drop something interesting. Apparently, the "real" mass-exodus to AO3 happened because too many writers on LJ were getting into fights over racism-in-writing?

--

Oh, I'm sure there are many. People often make me the posterchild, which I suppose is somewhat justified now that my tumblr is so much more popular than before but was pretty dumb in the past when I was no longer working for OTW and not yet popular with randos. (TBH, I sometimes wonder if people spreading my name around pointlessly and advertising me is what made me popular. If so, congratulations, I guess?)

I've been criticized by at the very least Rukmini Pande for not talking more about Racefail. She's an academic who talks about racism in fandom but who mega sucks on the topic of Asian media and who conflates a lot of things I don't, including ye olde SF book fandom and fanfic fandom.

It's true that Racefail was a huge deal on LJ, but it was "fandom" in the 1960s sense where the word sans modifier means WorldCon type SF book spaces. When I say "fandom", I don't mean that community because, like most fanfiction fans today, I was never in it.

I don't even come from K/S fandom, actually. I come from X-Files fandom (one of the first "digital native" fandoms that made up its own rules) and (US, English-speaking) anime fandom. Those are my actual cultural forebears, and I haven't wasted my time on the racist, sexist, homophobic oldschool SF book publishing world since I was like 13. I do consume sff canons, but they're TV or movies or manga or self-published m/m novels that are also sff.

Why would I waste my time on trying to fix that community that isn't even mine?

Anyway, when people try to tell you that fandom left LJ over something to do with race, they're talking about a massive wankfest called "Racefail" or "Racefail 2009", which enveloped all of SF fandom on LJ and inevitably spilled into lots of more fanficcy spaces because we were all adjacent and overlapping. It largely consisted of clueless white liberals going "But I'm one of the good ones!!!" and being shocked and appalled that anyone could find them racist. People spent a lot of time "defending" their friends in unproductive ways. There was a lot of self-righteous stupidity on all sides, but it was the culmination of years of completely justified anger at the SF establishment being hella fucking racist. (So the two sides were most certainly not equal. A lot of the racist stuff being pointed out was indeed extremely racist.)

Racefail was deeply unpleasant, like any wank that rips through supposed ~civil communities of friends~. In reality, of course, a lot of the people who were pissed had been pissed about micro and not-so-microaggressions for years. It was something like one of those plays or movies about suburban morality where all of the simmering tensions boil up towards the end, destroying the façade of middle class propriety. It's deeply traumatic for people who did not realize the tensions existed, but it's hard to have much sympathy for their feelings if you've been the one suffering all that time.

It is not, however, the reason people moved to AO3. AO3 had already been in the works for a couple of years by the time Racefail was everywhere in 2009 and 2010, and AO3 was not popular at that point and continued to not be popular.

What popularized AO3 was FFN fucking up in 2012.

You know why LJ fic writers moved to AO3 in 2009? Because that's the first time it opened to users.

Moreover, while Racefail certainly affected many individual fans who like fanfic, it was primarily about oldschool US SFF publishing, a thing that 99% of AO3 users could not care less about. A far higher percentage of old LJ users care, of course, but even there, it's a mistake to think fandom=fandom.

"Fandom" in the supposedly-unmarked "book SF" sense and "fandom" in the also supposedly-unmarked "fanfic fandom" sense have never been the same thing. In the early days of Star Trek fic zines, they largely overlapped, sure, but by the early 90s, they had heavily diverged, and by 2009, they were completely distinct.

The reason they keep being conflated is that some of the loudest meta writers are in both and care deeply about that SF-->K/S zines-->AO3 history.

It's fine that they do, but it is not my history, and I see no reason to pretend it is.

The people who spread this lie about AO3's origins have an agenda, and it is not to educate the current tumblr masses about Racefail.

[storiesbyjes2g]

When I left Billie's, I wasn't ready to go home yet, so I checked out GeekCon because it was happening nearby. I'd never been before. Never even considered checking it out. Without a TV in the home growing up, Mommy did not give me the chance to become interested in video games. I had a short-lived experience with computer hacking, and rocket science never appealed to me. But I'm an adult now, and I know sometimes our interests can shift. Because I am exploring my career options, I figured exposing myself to something new couldn't hurt.

Several folks dressed in the same costume. I guess the Grim Reaper has a lot of fans. Or maybe it's the easiest costume to copy when you're on a budget. One of them even tried to holla at me. Pfft. Typical.

I followed the path to the festival and found a sea creature staring at me. Then it called my name! It was a female's voice muffled under that mask.

"KiKi! I know you hear me calling you!"

Without even recognizing the voice, I knew who it was. Only one woman busts my chops like that. "Diamond?? What in the world are you wearing?"

She sucked her teeth. "You can't come to GeekCon and NOT dress up! Everybody knows that!"

I sighed. "You know I've never been here."

"Tuh! I don't know what you do anymore."

That was fair, I suppose.

"People who don't dress up have to take pictures with all of us who do," she said, with her hands on her scaly hips.

"Is that really a thing?" I asked.

"Just take the picture!"

I felt so dumb taking pictures with a fish woman. But when in Monte Vista...I guess.

"Ali is here," she said.

"What?" Why did I freeze like I got caught stealing something?

"Ali? Your soon-to-be ex man candy? He's over there getting food dressed up like a repair guy. So unoriginal."

Ali? At GeekCon? I never pegged him as a nerd. Even an undercover one. Well, I never imagined Diamond there either, but she seems to show up EVERYWHERE. Should I speak? Would he want me to see him in cosplay? It's not like I'm stalking him. I guess we should get used to seeing each other out and about unexpectedly because we're separated. Ugh. What if I ever see him with another woman? He deserves every good thing, and I want him to be happy again. But I don't think I could bear that.

I hesitated and crept toward the concession stands, keeping a careful watch. But if Ali and I are done, why didn't I just leave? I still love him. And, deep down, part of me will never stop trying to communicate those feelings. I found him sitting at a picnic table with other cosplayers. When I tapped his shoulder, his eyes widened in surprise, just as I expected. Honestly, he looked mortified.

"Em?? Hi, uhh...what are you doing here?"

"I was just at Billie's. Thought I'd see what this is all about."

"Oh! Alright. You've never been?"

I shook my head.

"Oh... Honestly, me neither. It's my day off, so...thought I'd give it a shot."

I stifled a giggle at the way he tried to justify his presence. Even the tips of his ears reddened. I'm sorry I blew his cover.

"Well, I think you're adorable in your costume," I said.

He blushed.

I caught myself gazing into those mesmerizing blue eyes and cleared my throat, changing the subject slightly. "Apparently, because I'm not dressed, I'm supposed to take pictures with all of you?" I held out my phone, suggesting he join me.

"...Oh! Yeah, uhhh, sure."

"Show it to the kids. They'll love it," I said.

"They would. Let's do this."

[cinnamonest]

big fan of yours! can i request some nasty big brother!childe x sister!reader hcs?

Oh yes anon >:3

Big bro Childe has a lot of rules for his lil sis. She's a dumb little thing you know, will definitely get herself in trouble without a steady hand to guide her.

You've got a wake up time and a curfew and a bedtime. He's gentler about the wake up - he's weak to your little pleas to get five more minutes, and he'll definitely allow it if you tug him into bed to cuddle. For bedtime, it's eh. You can beg for a few minutes.

Curfew though? It's extremely strict and if you show up as much as one minute late he'll be very outwardly pissed off. Definitely pulls the parent shit where they sit waiting for you to come through the door so they can lecture you. If you're more than ten minutes late, though, he'll come looking for you. Even if it's not your fault, even if you have an excuse, well, just all the more reason you can't go out at all from now on. He'll give you a privilege of going out with friends, but it's one that's easily lost like that.

Rather than being the secret gross perv, he's very... Outward about it, he just justifies it all. He's not a pervert, he just needs to... Examine you. You're such an oblivious little thing, you wouldn't notice if you got hurt. So every day, he gets to look over your body, run his hands on your bare skin, look you over - like a big brother who loves you should.

He has to make sure your body is functioning properly, wouldn't want you to get any imbalances, that's why he has to have his fingers inside you, making you cum - plus, it gives you the endorphins that are healthy for you!

He disguises everything as being protective or for your benefit. Following you everywhere. Serving as this big guard dog figure. And it works - people stay away.

Very very restrictive on what you wear. You can't go out like that. Can't be too short, too low, too tight. But when you're home, it's the inverse - it's so hot, he says, you should take everything off and just relax. Actually, you can't even find your warm home-wear, it's gone missing. And if it's actually pretty cold and you're shivering, you can just curl up with him.

And speaking of which, he'll tell you he keeps finding you up and around in the middle of the night. You have a sleepwalking problem! It's better if you two just sleep in the same room, in the same bed, where he can keep an arm latched around you to make sure you don't go wandering off.

If you complain, he has a couple tactics to go to. If you're a softie, he'll act hurt, ask you why, you don't want to spend time with your brother? You don't hate him do you? Do you just not love him? He does everything he does for your sake. If guilt doesn't work, he'll make you paranoid. Tell you the awful things your friends actually said about you, that guy that was trying to hurt you, aren't you glad he's here to tell you about these things?

It's not like you NEED other people. Why even try to make friends? All throughout your life you've done just fine, just the two of you. That's all that needs to be. He already does everything a boyfriend does, all the providing and care, so why do you need one?

Of course you might object, say it's "wrong" for him to get so close to you, that it's weird, that people will notice... But those are the same people that have always been mean to you, right? The same people that have always hurt you, while he's the only person that actually loves you, the only one that's there for you. So really, doesn't what he thinks matter more than what they think? He's the only person that tolerates you, the only person that will take care of you... The only person you need.

And if you don't have anyone else, you need someone to take care of your needs, don't you? Just reminding you over and over that it's just society that says this is wrong, other people whose opinions don't matter, as you get fucked into every piece of household furniture you have. And it's good too- no other guy will ever bother to make you cum, and even if they did, you won't cum for anyone else as hard as you do for him.

Which he makes a point of - you'll cum every day, several times a day, in all different ways and places. It's very casual, often, too, you just get bent over the counter while you're cooking, he follows you into your baths to rut up into you, you're spooning and nearly on the verge of sleep when he flips you onto your stomach and fills you up. You just need the reminders, and you're so insatiable he doesn't know what you'd do if you weren't too exhausted to go out and seek other outlets. You can be laying on a couch or bed asleep and he'll just wake you up with fingers inside of you, sucking on your neck and leaving little marks. He loves hickeys and insists on making sure you always have one visible - you're less likely to leave the house that way.

[ambiguousdisorderken]

in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

 Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel.  Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” //  Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

 Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23  – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

 Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references. 

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

 Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

 Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

 Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

 Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is). 

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

[rainydaycafe]

Wrong apartment, Sam

Summary: Moving in is never an enjoyable experience, but if you mix a recovering super soldier, a pretty neighbor, soft flirtations and a sudden misunderstanding; you have the recipe for a pretty sweet story waiting to unfold.

Warnings: None. Bucky Barnes is one in a million.

First chapter (part?) of the Neighborly Affection series I cooked up.

________________

Af-fec-tion: A gentle feeling of fondness or liking

Emilia really liked her apartment.

It was in a nice location near enough to her school to be walked to and from with a very reasonable rent after subletting from an elderly woman who was off traveling until the foreseeable future.

After months and months of work, she had finally gotten it to the point in terms of decoration and overall feel to have the homey feeling she had been wanting to have while she was away from home. It had been quite the hassle, but she had been successful.

The fourth floor of her building was less than eventful, especially where she lived in the far corner without a next door neighbor though it did mean she got a larger balcony.

Well she didn’t have a neighbor until she was sitting on her couch grading papers for Professor Barlow when she heard her front door attempting to be opened from the outside, but it was thankfully locked.

Sitting up quickly, she was startled even if she reasoned her apartment building was safe as she headed over to the peephole to see a man standing there looking confused down at the doorknob as though it were in the wrong.

Biting the bullet, she unlocked her door and swung it open, surprising the man who didn’t get to speak before another voice came down the hall.

“I said 225 not 226,” Said the voice, prompting Emilia to stick her head out of her door to see a tall man holding what seemed to be a superhuman amount of boxes before dropping them next to the empty apartment next door.

Well formerly empty now.

“Sorry,” Said the man who had attempted to open her door, “For trying to open your room and because you got this brooding toddler as a neighbor.”

Emilia cracked a smile, “It’s okay. Do you need any help?” She offered sincerely, glancing at the man unlocking his door before glancing away because he was the slightest bit intimidating.

And handsome.

“Uh- no. We can manage,” Said the man pocketing his key, “But thank you.”

Turning back to the man in front of her, she returned his smile after he had picked up the box from the floor in front of him.

“I swear, he’s good company.” He assured her with a wink before heading down the hallway before pausing right as she was about to close her door, “I’m Sam, by the way.”

Emilia popped out of her apartment again, “I’m Emilia.” She introduced and Sam nodded his head towards the apartment in reference to the man, “That’s Bucky. Or, well James.”

“It’s nice to meet you.” She said quietly and Sam grinned at her, nodding before leaving Emilia to shut her door and lock it soundly, the entire ordeal running around her head and replaying itself.

Her face felt hot and she knew she was blushing.

Sam had been really nice, but Buck- or well, James was different. He didn’t seem unkind, but preoccupied with his move. He was tall, broad, and almost ridiculously handsome in an old fashioned and classic type of way and Emilia knew she was beyond screwed.

She was being ridiculous.

There was no reason she needed to have the memory of James running through her head as she attempted to correct freshman English.

However she was entirely oblivious to the conversation going on in the apartment next door.

“She's a pretty girl, Buck.” Sam told him as he sliced open a poorly taped box, earning a roll of the eyes from Bucky.

However Sam didn’t miss the way Bucky tried to smother a smile at the mention of the neighbor he had just met. It was obvious they had caught her off guard since she had been wearing leggings and a Boston University sweatshirt, and he knew she thought he hadn’t even noticed her but he had noticed her.

He had noticed everything about her “thanks” to his years as an assassin since that tends to carve your ability to observe and comprehend people in an instant.

“So what?”

Sam threw a dish towel at him, “She seems really nice. She’s pretty. Maybe, I don’t know- get to know her and see where it leads so you aren’t a lonely bitter grump all of the time?” He said as though it were obvious.

However, Bucky was fine.

“Just help me unpack, please,” Bucky said, “I don’t need any dating advice, man.” Shutting down the conversation until further notice.

___________________

They didn’t see or hear one another for the next three days, both of them caught up in their own lives and getting settled in.

That lasted until Friday when Emilia was digging her keys out of her satchel with one hand holding a grocery tote bag when Bucky’s front door swung open as she was about to pass it, startling her.

“Sorry,” He apologized, smiling as Emilia smiled at him and told him it was okay as she headed towards her door when he bit the bullet and asked her a stupid question.

“Wait,” Bucky called out, causing Emilia to turn around curiously, “Do you know how to unlock the balcony door? I can’t get it to open.”

Emilia’s slight confusion was evident but she quickly nodded, “Yeah, of course.” Before following Bucky into his apartment.

His apartment was essentially the same in terms of layout as Emilia’s, but it was decorated differently since it wasn’t really decorated at all. It all seemed a bit plain and rudimentary, but he was just moving in so there was always time for him to make it his own, she supposed.

Pointing towards the balcony door, Bucky said, “I’ve been trying to figure it out but it just won’t unlock.”

Readjusting her bag over her left shoulder, she quickly went over and lifted the hatch before sliding it open and pointing with a grin, earning a laugh from Bucky who knew he looked dumb but had gotten to speak to her again and had gotten her to laugh.

“Wow,” He said with a grin, “I’m really stupid, aren’t it?”

She shook her head quickly, “No, don’t say that. It’s a new apartment so it’s all weird and difficult to adjust to.” She assured him as they began walking back towards the front door.

Bucky had noticed her satchel and grocery bag, but opted to leave the satchel for another conversation and instead asked about the bag she was holding.

Exiting his apartment, she turned and opened the bag for him to see its contents which were powdered sugar and cream cheese.

“I’m thinking about making cinnamon rolls and I needed this for the frosting,” She explained, her face heating up but Bucky thought it was adorable.

He was screwed.

“I think cinnamon rolls are a beautiful way to spend a Friday,” Bucky justified for her, “Thank you for helping me open my balcony door.”

Emilia grinned at him, and he could feel himself becoming accustomed and enchanted by her grins which were soft and sincere towards him, something he hadn’t felt in a long, long time.

They bid their goodbyes and Emilia was soon entering her apartment with a bitten back grin attempting to win control as she dropped her satchel next to the door alongside the shoes she had just kicked off before swinging the tote bag onto the counter and jumping up and down a bit.

For a 24 year old graduate student with a bachelor’s degree in English lit she was acting like a 13 year old girl with a crush who had never gotten the right kind of attention from a cute boy.

Bucky on his own side of the wall was grinning as he plopped down onto his couch and began scrolling through what Sam called “Nextflix” or something after allowing him to use his account.

As stupid as the excuse had been, he had gotten to speak to her and see how truly kind she was.

Of course, he had been slightly worried she would freak out at the sight of metal arm’s hand gleaming underneath the hallway lights, but she had barely even glanced at it, or maybe she had not even noticed it at all.

Either way, he felt calm about it because he had found a new therapist with the help of Sam who had led him in the direction of acceptance of the past and the inability to change it regardless of how much he wanted it to be different.

He was who he was now, and while he had no control over being an assassin, he had control over who he was now.

This didn’t mean the insecurities were all gone…. But he had a solid amount of stability and he felt he was able to look forward to what he could have here while picking and choosing who he let in.

The way he was drawn to Emilia was something he hadn’t really ever encountered on something other than a physical level even before the fall, but he wasn’t about to fight it either.

____________________

By 6:50pm Emilia was going against her better and humble judgement as she packed four cinnamon rolls away into a glass tupperware container before snapping the lid shut.

He had mentioned cinnamon rolls sounding lovely on a Friday night, and her father would be so offended by her lack of kindness towards a neighbor who was obviously a fan of what she was baking.

It was to be polite and kind.

It was most definitely not to get another good look at his steel blue eyes planted so perfectly on his almost inhumanely handsome face with his cologne following him just about everywhere in his apartment.

She had seen a shiny glint on his left hand, causing her to glance and see he had a black and gold metal prosthetic, yet somehow it made him feel all the more mysterious and entrancing.

Clutching the container in her hand, she made her way over to her door where she slid her socked feet into her go-to Birkenstocks and glanced down to what she was wearing and grimaced.

Dark blue leggings and a long sleeve Smokey the Bear shirt.

She could change, but there was no way someone would believe she was just casually looking cute while baking after he had seen her outfit after her return from school so she couldn’t just show up looking cute.

Rolling her eyes, she stepped out of her door and made sure not to lock it behind herself. She was acting ridiculous and it was becoming too much because she was acting as though there were someone to dress up for.

All this was doing was getting her hopes up and preparing her to be crushed.

Knocking on his door, she heard footsteps gather towards the door before it swung wide open and there stood James.

“Hi,” Emilia said as she held up her container proudly, “I made the cinnamon rolls and thought you would like some.”

There was genuine surprise on his face before he cooled his expression, “I would love some.” But she could still see that he was really surprised at her kind gesture at an off comment he had made without expecting anything.

Emilia handed him the container and for whatever god forsaken reason gave him a thumbs up which earned a laugh out of Bucky who glanced back into his apartment which was still respectfully clean after unpacking what was left.

“Do you want to come in and have some with me? Uh- Sam gave me a list of movies to watch and we could maybe watch one?” Bucky asked before quickly adding “But only if you want to.”

Caught off her guard herself now, she was soon nodding before gesturing to her apartment, “Let me just grab my phone and lock my door.” Because while Bucky was handsome and seemingly perfect, she couldn’t just go into a man’s apartment without a phone. She had some sense inside of her, afterall.

“Do you drink milk with your cinnamon rolls? Tea? Water? Chicken broth?” Bucky asked with a teasing flint in his eyes before she could go and Emilia shook her head and laughed.

“I’m lactose intolerant, but I have oat milk. Do you like oat milk?”

Bucky shrugged, “I’ve never had it. I didn’t even know it was a thing.” Which earned an eyebrow raise from Emilia who told him she would be back quickly.

Returning quickly, she made her way into Bucky’s apartment clutching her vanilla oat milk proudly while oblivious to the way Bucky stared at her ass in those leggings he thought were akin to a Godsend because good God did she have a fantastic ass.

Grabbing two glasses from his cabinet he handed them to Emilia who poured their milk as he grabbed plates for the cinnamon rolls before they both headed towards his couch, sitting on opposite ends.

Bucky carefully served them both a cinnamon roll before he grabbed a glass from the table and stared at it as Emilia looked at him, watching his reaction as he took a respectable size drink.

“That’s pretty damn good.” Bucky admitted with reluctance because he had always been a whole milk kind of guy, and the thought of milk coming from oats was just lunacy, but it sure was tasty.

He handed Emilia the remote and surrendered control to her.

“I haven’t really been…. Up to date with any movies so you’re the leader here.” Bucky insisted after she attempted to hand the remote back to him to no avail.

It was true, technically speaking.

Turning to the TV, she moved to the movie selection and really thought about what was a truly necessary watch as Bucky picked up his cinnamon roll and took a large bite. The groan he produced was entirely organic as he chewed, searching for a napkin to clean his mouth of the frosting.

Emilia smiled at his reaction before gesturing to the TV which was showing the thumbnail and description of “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” in a silent question which Bucky answered with a shake of his head as he cleaned his mouth.

“I’ve never watched it, but it sounds funky. Let’s watch.” He insisted.

Getting comfortable, they were both silent as the movie began its opening credits, however they both were a bit too caught up on attempting to sneak subtle glances at one another. Bucky was much more successful, but Emilia was truly feeling like she was 13 years old with a cute boy nearby.

“I have to ask; where did you learn to make these?” Bucky asked as he finished off his cinnamon roll while Emilia was about a quarter of the way through with hers after her eyes had become glued to the TV when they began feeling more comfortable.

“My dad, actually.” She said with a shrug, “He would make them on special occasions like birthday breakfasts, Christmas, or on days he thought should be special and he taught me how until it became second nature.”

His eyes softened at that. It felt private, like it was something intimate to share with someone.

“Well my respect goes out to your father because his past self blessed my current self because these are amazing.” Bucky complimented, smiling as Emilia blushed and fidgeted nervously much to his enjoyment.

Adjusting her leg to move underneath her, she gently set her plate on the table as she watched Charlie run home after obtaining the winning ticket, smiling to herself as Bucky smiled at what was happening on the TV.

Before either of them could ask a question or prompt another conversation, Emilia’s phone vibrated against the cushion, catching both of their attention.

“You can answer it, I’ll grab another cinnamon roll while you talk.” Bucky assured her when he saw how hesitant she was which earned a grateful smile from her as he stood with the container and left her to at least some privacy since the kitchen was behind the living room.

“Hello?” He heard Emilia answer, and while he had superhuman hearing he couldn’t hear what was being said on the other end of the line so he went about his business.

“Blaine, you left it in my apartment.” She said and Bucky raised his eyebrows as he set his dessert into the microwave for a quick reheat.

“Because you were wearing it the day you helped me move in but then you took it off and never took it when you left.” Emilia spoke into her phone.

Taking out the roll, he poked at it before deciding it needed more time to get softer as he pretended to be busy himself washing his hands as he still listened.

“No way. I’m keeping it until you physically take it out of my hands, it’s comfortable.” Emilia defended before laughing at what they said before the next line had Bucky raising his eyebrows at her next sentence.

“Yes I will take care of it, Blaine. I love you too, bye.” Before she hung up the phone and apologized as Bucky sat down but he waved her off with a lopsided smile.

Getting comfortable again, they hit play on the previously paused movie when Bucky dared to ask what was on the tip of his tongue because he had to know before he became much too far gone for his own good.

“Boyfriend on the phone?” Bucky asked casually, smiling as Emilia dropped her cinnamon roll onto her plate and shook her head fervently.

“No. God no.” She said with a huffy laugh, “That was my brother, Blaine. He was asking if he had left a sweatshirt here and asked me to mail it over to him, but I refused because it’s become a part of my ensemble.”

Bucky smiled, relieved at the information because this meant there was one less person to compete for Emilia’s affection with.

Emilia chewed her mouthful before she dared to be bold enough to ask if Bucky had a girlfriend, or even a boyfriend to which Bucky shook his head casually.

“No girlfriend. Nobody has caught my attention, you know.” He made a gesture with his metal arm, catching as Emilia looked at it but it wasn’t a judgemental look, more of a curious one.

Before getting into that, he needed to assure himself that he was making the right moves here.

“So no potential boyfriend to be known?”

That caught her off guard, causing her to blink at him not unlike an owl before stabilizing herself and shaking her head, “No. No potential boyfriend.” She told him soundly.

Bucky smiled and nodded, only saying “Good.” Before he turned his attention back to the TV as he left Emilia with her own thoughts as she mimicked his movements with a mind full of thoughts.

Her heartbeat was rattling around her chest quickly, her nervous becoming prominent at what was being implied mixed in with the knowledge that she couldn’t be exactly sure what Bucky meant by saying “Good.”

But somehow she didn’t mind all too much.

____________________

The remainder of the weekend and the following week had Emilia and Bucky spending an almost illegal amount of time together.

Much to his relief, the conversation about his metal arm was simple and more admiring from Emilia than anything else.

They had gotten to know one another, becoming comfortable and open with one another. To Bucky, this was unheard of but he found himself going along with it.

Especially after speaking to Dr. Elena about it on his weekly therapy session the Wednesday morning following a fourth hangout on Tuesday night which had sent him spiralling a bit at how entranced he truly was by Emilia.

He had mentioned her a bit the prior week, but with how much he actually enjoyed spending time with her the more he needed to speak to someone other than himself in the shower.

“Is it…. Am I thinking too much about this? Causing it to be something it’s not?” Bucky asked as he rested his elbows on his knees, watching carefully as Dr. Elena set down her notepad and looked at him.

“That’s not for me to answer, Bucky,” She answered as she waved her hands, “If you like someone then that’s all there is to it. Love has no timeline… sometimes it comes gradually after an extensive commitment and sometimes it comes rushing all at once, but either way it’s out of our control.”

“I’ve seen her almost everyday for more than a week now and I’m listening to the music she recommends…. What if I ruin it?” Bucky said as he dropped his gaze to the carpet between them and shook his head, “Everything in my life has become complicated one way or another and I don’t want to hurt her or-or complicate things.”

Elena crossed her legs and tilted her head, “What if you don’t? What if this is the one thing in your life that can be less than complicated? I’m not saying you two will be perfect, but perhaps it will be a grounding aspect in your life.”

He was silent as she continued.

“You lost control of your life for a long time, but you’re beginning the arduous process of healing. This is what comes with the territory because it’s natural to want someone with you, and you’ve entered this situation where it’s organic and easy between you and Emilia.”

Bucky took a deep breath, “The game of “what if” is endless, isn’t it?”

Elena nodded with a smile, “I’ll tell you something, Bucky. There are few relationships in life you’re going to get where it’s just easy enough as going with the flow. I wouldn’t drop the opportunity because you might be overthinking it when the signs are right there.”

There was silence between them until he suddenly spoke up again, his voice showing his awe.

“She didn’t… she didn’t make it a big deal.” Bucky said, prompting Elena to ask what he meant.

“When I told her about my past; about Hydra, the Winter Soldier, the kills…. She told me that it was okay. That it was heartbreaking to think about, but that it wasn’t within my control because I was a weapon, not the attacker.” He explained to her, his voice becoming shaky towards the end.

Elena had an impressed look on her face as she scribbled something down on her legal pad.

“Well then, Bucky, you’re on the lucky receiving end of someone doubtedly understand’s affection and that’s something special, isn’t it?” She asked, “Plus she’s on the receiving end of yours which is even harder to gain so that must mean something as well, right?”

That following Thursday Emilia had stopped at the grocery store to buy bell peppers and onions for a sudden craving for chicken fajitas after hearing a classmate mention having enjoyed some the night prior on a date.

She knew Bucky was a fan of chicken so she doubled the general meat quantity she would use for herself because the man could eat.

Sauteeing the vegetables, her thoughts wandered off to said neighbor and smiled to herself as she thought about spending even more time with him. She had assured him that he didn’t always need to hang out with her, but he had mentioned loving her attention and company.

It was just a matter of fact that she was far gone for him, but even as a friend she knew he was beautiful company.

Opting to head over to invite him over to dinner at her place, she was smiling at his front door until it swung open only to reveal an… uncomfortable looking Bucky standing there, looking as though he didn’t want her to be there at that moment.

The way his face fell had her own heart dropping in her stomach, making her want to be anywhere but there.

“Emilia,” Bucky said, sounding uncomfortable, “I didn’t know you were coming over.”

Before Emilia could excuse herself and apologize profusely, a very pretty blonde came around his shoulder and stared at Emilia before giving her a halfhearted smile as she looked her up and down as though she were a nuisance.

This was enough to send Emilia into a fit of apologies, “I’m so sorry, James. I didn’t know you were busy, I’ll just go.” Before looking down and heading to her own apartment, thankful for not having locked it as she rushed in and shut it soundly behind herself.

She had been so stupid.

Why had she allowed herself to believe he felt the same? Allowed herself to get her hopes up when she was so obviously ignorant to the fact that he was being friendly to his overly eager neighbor.

Reality was often unkind and crushing without regard, much like this moment where she began packing away the food with her appetite gone at the thought of him being locked away with such a tall and pretty woman.

They would be perfect together, of course.

Though regardless of her feelings, she was alone in her apartment feeling a dull ache in her chest alongside the humiliation as she had to put away the larger than usual portion of dinner that reminded her of how eager she was to just spend time with him.

Snapping the lids onto the container, she felt her eyes well with hot tears as they fell down her cheeks only to be wiped away by herself quickly because she wasn’t about to cry.

It was dumb.

It had all been so dumb, and her feelings were so dumb.

It had all been in her head, all of it. It was sickening, actually, to realize how ignorant she had been to the reality of it and all and how caught up in her head because here she was, upset at James for being what he was; a single man.

Sticking her pan into the sink, she washed while consumed by her own thoughts though she concluded she deserved a night in with ice cream to consume her sadness.

________________

After washing the dishes and turning off the lights, she had laid herself down on her couch with only her living room light on as she corrected a few leftover quizzes from that day before allowing her night to be consumed by her emotions.

Well, until her ice cream softened enough to not snap all of her spoons in half.

Writing off a note to study the poet’s personal history, she was startled when she heard a knock at her door, causing her to pray it wasn’t James.

The knocks came again and soon a voice carried through the front door into her apartment.

“I know you’re in there Emilia. Open the door, please.” He said, and while Emilia wanted to act like she wasn’t there, she didn’t have it in her to be rude to him.

Setting her papers on her coffee table, she centered herself before heading over to the door to open it. Apparently she looked absolutely disheartened because Bucky’s already worried face became even more worried when he saw her looking absolutely crestfallen.

Her eyes were so sad and sincere he mentally punched himself for having hurt her.

“Emilia, it’s not like that,” He assured her, “She was just telling me about some work.”

Emilia swallowed and gave him a forced smile that didn’t reach her eyes before speaking with what she deemed to be a stable voice, “It’s none of my business. I was- I thought- I don’t know what I thought, but it’s really okay.” She told him with the same forced smile that broke his heart.

That added with the fading red rimmed eyes she wore, Bucky looked at her couch and saw the pint of ice cream on her coffee table and couldn’t take it anymore.

Bucky cupped her face in his hands and brought her to meet his eyes, “It’s not okay. Come on, let’s just talk, okay?” He asked softly, almost jumping for joy when Emilia reluctantly nodded in his hands and moved to let him in.

As they headed to her couch, Emilia felt all wrong footed.

Sitting down, Emilia wanted nothing else to be far away from Bucky and this entire situation, but she couldn’t kick him out either, regardless of how much she didn’t want to hear about this entire situation at hand.

Suddenly Bucky was digging into pockets and producing black bracelet as well as a white bracelet, both of them beaded with chakra beads in the middle.

He looked so happy to show it to her, picking up her wrist with his metal hand gently.

“I was out and I saw this little handmade craft stand near the farmer’s market you told me about one morning and I saw these bracelets,” Bucky explained hopefully as he clasped it on. “I am hoping that this will be a good concrete representation of how I feel because while I made a mess of this, how I feel about you isn’t a mess.”

Emilia stared down at it, feeling the light weight of it against her wrist as Bucky added, “It’s magnetic.” With his expression so hopeful she felt as though she were being looked at by a child.

“I had this whole idea in my mind where I would make my feelings clear when I felt the timing was right but apparently I failed at that.”

“It’s-” Emilia started but she cut herself off, feeling too vulnerable for comfort but she looked down at the bracelet and it egged her on somehow, “I’ve never dated anyone. I’ve had little crushes here and there, you know? But nothing concrete to where I made me want to seriously consider them as worth the investment and commitment.”

Bucky let her take the black bracelet out of his hand, watching as she snapped it into place for him on his flesh arm.

“Well as you know my dating hasn’t been exactly a priority but I thought about it before as any human does. But it’s easy with you, it really is.”

Before Emilia could send herself into a flurry of emotions, she was glancing up and suddenly Bucky was in her personal space and she felt the warm, soft pressure of his lips against hers.

For someone who held themselves as a dark person with an even darker past, Bucky sure had very well taken care of lips.

It wasn’t forceful or too much, it was soft but wanting as he attempted to convey how much he actually liked Emilia through one of the most intimate gestures reserved for love.

“I like you, Emilia,” He told her in a low voice while connecting their eyes, “I- I don’t have many people I’m close to. I keep everyone at arm’s length, even Sam. But with you I can’t and I don’t want to.”

“You’re a gem, James,” Emilia told him with such a genuine affection for his name Bucky felt his vulnerability become almost palpable.

“But I want to be selfish, for once in my life I want to be selfish with you and have you all to myself.”

Emilia closed her eyes and opened them again, attempting to regulate her emotions and actually accept what was being given and offered to her, something she thought was a conjuring of her mind.

“I don’t want to keep you at arm’s length either. I always thought relationships were always something I’d just observe you know? Like through movies.” She told him as she pointed towards Pretty in Pink, earning a chuckle from Bucky who raised his eyebrows.

“Well you don’t have to wonder anymore because you have me as much as I have you.” He gestured towards the bracelet clinging onto his wrist.

Taking hold of his metal arm, she nodded to him before breaking out into what had to be a bright enough smile to power the city before saying, “Okay. Good.” As she caressed his metal fingers with such softness he felt his chest crack wide open.

________________

[scone-lover]

Happy Birthday to Holding Out For a Hero!!! ❤️

art by @subparselkie

I published the first chapter of my longest and most popular fic just about a year ago! And I bet you always wanted to see some shitty outlines. Right? Just giving the people what they want. My brain is chaos and now you all have to be subject to it. Strap in, boys. 😂 Everything’s below the cut!

Read Holding Out for a Hero on AO3

This fic was born because I saw a tumblr post about a hero and villain who are roommates and I just had to Snowbazzify it. I had so many random ideas in my brain, and I’d been engaging with fan content for the CO fandom for a few months now.

So I started off by opening a blank document and writing the Prologue, featuring Shep. I had a few basic facts in mind: Shepard’s a reporter, Simon’s a hero, Baz is a villain, Mage is an evil mayor. And that’s. Literally it. I made it up as I went along. I actually still do that with fics, even though I do try to outline in more detail now—I have to write a scene or two that’s been bouncing around in my head to get a feel for the story, then I can give it a direction.

The document is 337 pages on google docs, LOL. 

Here’s the first ever set of notes I had. I wrote this on March 29, 2020, directly after typing out the Prologue! 

Like I said, absolute chaos. The third Simon bullet point originally said something like “also I’m a superhero and only Penny knows,” then the following day I changed it to “but he’s so handsome? what do???” 

I didn’t publish the prologue until writing 5-6 additional chapters, but I think the only major change was going from Baz being “The Vampire” to just “Vampire.”

Chapter 1 was originally called “not a bloody avenger” before I decided to do the rhyming thing. I actually decided that because I wrote “counter spray and earl grey” down for chapter 2, unintentionally rhyming it, and then @ashspren-writes was like, “you should make them all rhyme”... so I did. 😂 For 25 more chapters.

I have a section labeled “quickie backgrounds” in which I finally sat down halfway through writing Chapter 2 (the blade/vamp fight) and said to myself, okay, maybe they should have backstories or something. Or like, reasons for being the hero and villain. Right, yeah, those would be good to make this into a coherent story. In the first version of that, Simon was a sports coach on the side, not a baker, and Baz was an English teacher. LOL. 

Once I had all that, I literally just wrote for four days. There’s a weird kind of magic to your first-ever fic for a fandom. All your ideas and thoughts and wishes for these characters comes to a head as you suddenly have an outlet for the first time. It’s why I think people’s first works are often their best or most creative or most profound. The first couple chapters took some time and a couple 1am epiphanies, but once I got into a rhythm it was quick going. I wrote a lot of it in a linear manner, but after writing the first Simon/Baz scene (watching the news together in the flat), I doubled back and added Simon going to Penny’s house after meeting the Mage so that I could work her in as a character earlier.

Fast forward to April 5, I had 5-ish chapters written? I thought this fic would have like... 10 total. And be less than 20k. Haha. Ha. I asked @ashspren-writes to beta read for me - I’d been bouncing ideas off her since the beginning - and then I started brainstorming titles. 

The list actually started with that second one. It took a whole 24 hours to decide on the final title. 😂 I thought it might be too cheesy. But hey, it worked out -- now I can’t open AO3 without the damn song getting stuck in my head. 

I worked a LOT with my friend @ashspren-writes on this fic - we were friends long before fandom, and she was the only person I knew at the time who had read CO and was involved in the fandom. I didn’t even have a tumblr at this point, I interacted mostly through Instagram and AO3!

On April 6, right before I posted, I realized that if I was going to actually put this on AO3 I should probably know where the story was going. So I made sure Chapters 1-6 were complete, then I wrote one bullet point per chapter up until 12 or so -- you can read those below.

Then I texted ashspren THIS mess:

Some silly notes:

Then I have a section that says “Why do they even have roommates?” because it was a few chapters in and I hadn’t justified richboy Baz and superhero Simon... living together. Cool cool cool

I also did this cool little writing experiment I want to share. Remember that line in Fangirl that’s like—“Once Cath wrote what she thought was a swordfight, and Wren turned it into a love scene.” (Or maybe it was the other way around? LOL.) Anyway, there’s swordfights in this, AND love scenes, so I wanted to do a play on that for two alternate ways Simon might figure it out.

I have a huge Deleted Section in which I wrote an alternate version of Simon and Baz finding out about their secret identities. I have one version where Baz figures it out first—it’s a very tropey yet angsty scene where Simon comes home totally wrecked from a fight, and Baz realizes as he’s helping with the wounds that he caused them. I actually like it a lot, but it ended up not quite fitting with the vibe of the fic (and I rather like them finding out through kissing better). :) I also had an idea where Simon figures it out because Vampire smells like cedar and bergamot, but it really just wasn’t interesting enough. 😂

Now onto... Outlines. 

I say that hesitantly because I think these are literally a disgrace to outlines everywhere. These are the baby ones I wrote on April 6 right before posting. Some are more detailed than others, clearly...

Gotta live up to my username somehow. 

We do love to see it. ​

I love this next one: 😂 CHAOS, SCONEY.

THEN, I wrote this as a very long text to ashspren, when I realized no sconey, this is not going to be under 20k words. LOL. 

And then I did A Dumb Thing and I put it on AO3, having absolutely NO CLUE WHERE THE STORY WAS GOING. 😂 

This is my favorite heading on the document.

Another one of my favorite notes in there.

This next part wasn’t even divided into chapters yet, it’s just a word vomit. I’m so sorry you have to read this mess.

Hahaha, once upon a time there was angst in this story. 😂 

And then I realized my true calling: bakery fluff.

Then and only then, I actually decided to divide into those things called Chapters. This is the point where I made the admission to mr scone (boyfriend, not husband lol, we just call him that) that I write gay fanfiction, whoops, and can he please help me because he’s a HUGE DC comics fan and knows everything. And of course, he was super chill about it, and he did. He really did. He’s the genius behind Egghead!!! And also the entire Mage-Humdrum-Supercomputer/Politics plot. I’m serious. I did none of that.

I can’t even say I’m trying anymore. “Flort”??? I AM LITERALLY NOT TRYING.

Why yes sconey, so very specific. 😂 

This is what qualifies as a “good” outline for me, that heading was just for my betas. Isn’t it fabulous to see that some of this actually made it in and I’m capable of planning in advance? 😂 

Get ready for the shock of your life, though -- I actually have a SUUUUPER detailed outline for the two finale chapters. Because, well, it’s the finale. Wrapping up loose ends does actually require planning, WHO KNEW. Also I’d been writing and posting for a couple months at this point and it had been several more weeks in quarantine so maybe I’d regained some sense of reality? It’s like two pages but still shittily written, so I’ll just share a couple tidibits.

That bullet point is extraordinarily cracky BUT actually, Baz shooting up from the cloud like an awesome fucking hot dramatic person was one of the very first scenes I envisioned for this fic :D 

I hope you enjoyed this glimpse into my writing brain! It’s a terrifying place. I love all of you that say Holding Out For a Hero is a well-crafted masterpiece, but respectfully, no ❤️ 

(Though I swear I AM super, super happy with how it turned out - it’s still my favorite thing I’ve ever written. Read it here!!!)

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

One quick question, why do you hate Before the Storm? I actually really liked it. It could be because I'm a hopeless romantic, but I just want to see your opinions on it

Oh boy, where to even begin...? I cannot stand bts... it actually hurts my insides to think about how much I hate this game haha.

[note: yeah hi uhhh... this is long because of course it is, it's coming from me but listen, my feelings for this game are not nice and I have a lot to say so.... my bad]

One of the bigger reasons, though not the biggest, is Chloe... I'm not exactly a big fan of Chloe. At all. Not in the first game, nope. I understand that so many people love her and they have their reasons for that, that's fine, she's just a character who doesn't appeal to me. If anything, she pisses me off because I can see the foundation for such a compelling character, but it all gets thrown away for the sake of bullshit.

So then they plop bts in front of us with Chloe as the playable protagonist in a prequel story about her and Rachel Amber. This is an opportunity to expand on her character, to tie into the first season and make me feel more positive feelings about her character, to do what the first game failed to do..... and to be fair, they DO have a few of them sprinkled in... but then they're overshadowed by the garbage.

It's just... the ideas are there, and they're ideas that I like but they're executed so poorly. I want to like Chloe Price, I can see that there's something good here.

Like okay.... lemme do a thing:

Chloe Price. She's going through some serious shit after her dad dies. He died unexpectedly in a car accident, something Chloe had zero control over, it's not fair, and even though it's not like the universe singled her out and said "fuck you," it feels that way to her.

On top of that, her best friend who she adores? She moves away. Not something that's in either of their control, they're kids at this point. However, Max stops contacting her and that hurts Chloe. Chloe tries to stay in contact, but eventually Max stops responding.

Then you have her mother, who's also grieving after losing her husband and dealing with her daughter pushing her away and on the wrong path. She meets a man and falls for him after realizing she still has a long life ahead of her and that's too long to be miserable over her husband's death, William wouldn't want that, and David is a source of comfort for her... something she's not getting from her daughter. The problem is that David and Chloe don't get along in the slightest... which leads to Chloe feeling like her mom is trying to replace her father by moving on, not understanding why Joyce's timeline of grief isn't the same as hers, y'know?

Oh, and can't forget that Chloe has fallen onto a not so great path of drugs, booze, bad grades, lying, staying out late without letting her mom know where she is, pickin' fights, making friends with drug dealers, stealing money and other items, all that. She's bitter, angry, unable to understand most of her own complex emotions and that only makes her even more upset. She's unable to express them in a healthy way, she doesn't ask for help, and denies it whenever offered.

So... Chloe's starts out as an extremely entitled, rude, obnoxious character. She insults the bouncer in the cringiest way possible because these adult men writing her don't know how teen girls talk, she steals money and a t-shirt from a dude who works for the band because $20? how dare? even though bands don't make a lot of money and a lot of profit comes from their merch but who cares about supporting artists you like, right? Chloe sure doesn't. She probably buys some weed from Frank because yeah, she's got a dependence on the stuff now. She gets into a fight with a couple of dudes after spilling beer on them.... but what's this?

Oh look, it's Rachel Amber. Y'know, the pretty, popular, talented, smart, perfect, charismatic girl from Chloe's school?? yeah, she's at the concert and saves Chloe from the dicks who attacked her, and the two girls spend the rest of the concert together.

Now, for some reason, Chloe isn't sure but Rachel has taken a special interest in her. Rachel is flirty, she wants to know who Chloe is, she asks her to skip school with her, and the two take a ride on a train to a park and... honestly? pretty romantic, and it plays into that escapism fantasy thing of having the pretty girl who everyone likes single you out, making you feel special.

Over time, the girls grow close. Rachel has some family problems and seeks comfort in Chloe. They spend nights walking together down empty streets at night, holding hands. They hang out and talk about the stars, they discuss Shakespeare and what it's like to actually be your true self, if there's actually such a thing. They get tattoos together, and Rachel helps Chloe color her hair. They have a special hideout they decorated together in the junkyard. Rachel spends the night at Chloe's enough that she ends up leaving a lot of clothes there. They daydream about running away together, long road trips and living big in LA.

Chloe starts to see Rachel as her angel because for the first time since Max, she feels like she has someone she can be open and honest with. Rachel almost seems too perfect to be true, y'know?

And hey, over time Chloe actually starts to kinda get her life on the right track, if not in an unconventional way. Sure, she's still dealing with losing her father. that's not something she'll just get over... but she does start making an effort with her mom, and yes, even David after he told her about his time in the army and gave her that photo. They both know they'll never be friends, and they'll still have arguments, but they'll at least keep the peace for Joyce's sake.

It's not all perfect, though. Chloe's still smoking and Rachel isn't always the best influence. They get into trouble here and there, but nothing super serious.

She dropped out of Blackwell so that her mom didn't have to keep paying her tuition and because she's fixated on this fantasy of running away with Rachel. Chloe's feeling good about herself, about her future, for the first time since her dad died.

Until Rachel disappears.

And everything goes to shit pretty quick after that. Rachel's gone, she's not answering calls or texts, and everyone keeps saying that she probably ran away, but Chloe knows better. She knows Rachel wouldn't leave without her, so something must've happened. She makes posters and puts them everywhere, but things only get worse.

Money is tight. Joyce isn't making as much as she needs at the diner, David isn't making enough as a security guard, and hey... they might lose the house... the house that was once Williams, that's a piece of him he left behind. Not only that, but where will they go?

Chloe doesn't want them to lose the house, or for her mom to be this stressed out over food and bills. Chloe borrowed money from Frank in hopes of using it to run away with Rachel, but with her missing... Chloe decides to give it to her mom in order to save the house. Joyce is alarmed that she has this much, but Chloe manages to lie her way out of it to give her mom some peace of mind.

Except now she has another problem- she can't pay Frank back and he's getting more aggressive about it as the weeks go on. Rachel's still missing, Frank's breathing down her neck with threats toward her mom, money is still an issue at home, and she's not in a good place. Chloe's desperate enough to steal... so when she makes it into a bar that doesn't card her and she sees rich boy Nathan Prescott drunk off his ass and flashing bills, she thinks it'll be an easy score. It's wrong to do this, it's dangerous, but Chloe justifies it to herself. She needs that money.

She didn't expect Nathan to drug her drink, and she wakes up to him taking pictures of her. She manages to get the hell outta there, but she still has no idea what the hell happened to her. Like.... that reeeally fucks with her, it doesn't even feel real. She can't tell anyone, she can't tell her mom, and the police won't do anything since they're under the Prescott thumb.... and well, she decides to blackmail him.

And we all know how that goes.

So... we have the highs and lows of Chloe Price. She's flawed, even starting out as unbearable, but over time she becomes more nuanced and you're invested in what happens to her. You want to see her better herself, you want her to work through her grief and get help, you understand why she hates David but when you see him and Joyce happy together and him make an effort to be better, you want to see them make amends. You know David doesn't want to replace William, hell HE knows no one ever could.

You want Chloe to keep going, to find purpose in her life and realize her own potential. You saw her at the beginning when she was broken, when she was lost and didn't see a future for herself, and it's satisfying to see her come this far to where she knows she has a future... something that becomes all the more tragic when you remember her fate in the first game.

You're invested in Chloe and Rachel's romance, you get giddy watching them flirt and do dumb, romantic, cliche things, and you're just as compelled by Rachel as everyone else. No, she's not perfect, she's not a stereotype, she's much more layered than that and it only breaks your heart when you realize that she's killed later on, that of course she's going to go missing... you already know that! So you're watching Chloe, who has gotten pieces of her life back together and is genuinely happy.... fall back down the pit, fall back into the habits she had at the beginning, and you know it will lead to her downfall.

.....TOO BAD BEFORE THE STORM DID FUCK ALL WITH THAT RIGHT?

Nope, you don't get any of that. Well, except Chloe being cringy. You get a lot of that.

No, no, we got edgelord, flanderized Chloe who thinks her wit is much greater than it actually is, whose terrible moments outweigh the good, and who doesn't grow or change no matter what influence you try to have over her.

Rachel could be replaced with a literal barbie doll and little would change. She has no charm, she's nothing like what she was described in the first game, and she's just so fucking unlikable. When she finds out that her mom isn't actually her birth mom, she claims that her whole life is a lie and her parents aren't real and she wants to meet her druggie mom who chose drugs over her for 15 years because she's the one who actually squeezed her out.

Which, by the way, WHY is this the goddamn plot?? Why did they feel like they had to shove in this "oh hey Rachel's dad is the bad guy, oh wait now this drug guy is the bad guy because he stabby Rachel, no wait now her dad is the super bad guy because he put a hit out on Rachel's REAL mom, oh no wait it's fine because Frank murdered drug man off screen" WHY YOU DO THIS??

You have three episodes. THREE. And in those three episodes, you have the opportunity to explore Chloe as a character, and her relationships with Rachel, Joyce, and David. But instead of dedicating the story to that, something you could've created a compelling narrative out of, you threw in this dumb mom plot and fire-

HOW THE HELL DID I FORGET THE FIRE????

What- why did- does she have- Rachel just- RACHEL SETS THE FOREST ON FIRE??? WHY THOUGH???

I get it, "Rachel is the fire" yeah yeah and it's dumb.

Oh and because we didn't have enough going on, here's a side mission where you gotta deal with getting money from this other kid who's running drugs for big bad drug man because he wants to help his dad who lost his job.

But WAIT, there's more- In a series where several girls were drugged by Nathan and Jefferson, forced to pose for pictures, and some even killed or driven to try and take their own life? something taken so seriously...? Victoria gets drugged and it's treated like a joke. Even worse, there is a path that has Rachel drugging her, and no one cares.

ALSO.... Rachel cheated on Chloe with two adult men, remember? One of which fucking murders her?? and we're just... we're just not gonna do anything with that??? Nothing??? Maybe a little stinger at the end but that's it????

I just..... I hate this game so much.

It had so much potential. Not only that, but it had the first game to look at and learn from. Learn from the mistakes that game made and improve upon.... but instead, they fucked up even worse. It's just a game of fanservice that has way too much going on, is trying to do too much, and loses focus on the most important things.

Three episodes could've been enough to explore different points of Chloe's character before the events of the first game. They could've crafted a story that gave more insight into her life that make sense of the choices she made, that turn her into the Chloe we see in the first game. You don't need a forest fire, you don't need evil lawyers. I know the first game had the storm and time travel and big dumb Jefferson, but you wanted to tell a story that's grounded without shit like that... y'know, before the storm.

I could probably go on and on if someone doesn't stop me, so I'll stop myself here... I hate bts because it's potential was there, I could see it in a few key moments, and it was wasted.

The romantic ideas fall flat because being pretty and gay isn't enough for me, I need more than that. I don't care if they kiss because I don't care about their relationship, and frankly, they've done very little to make me care about them as individuals.

UGH

.......does that answer your quick question? haha sorry for the not so quick answer, but like I said, this game makes my brain mad and once I get going, it's hard to stop.

[intersex-ionality]

Anyway, on lighter fare (and my god, how is this the lighter fare):

The people who are harassing the shit out of John Boyega are not “reylos,” they are racists. Having an interest in Rey and Kylo Ren making out has fuck all to do with being the kind of white supremacist sack of shit who would try to get a black man fired over petty jokes in the wake of his career being toyed with by a major studio. There is, in fact, no correlation.

Trying to re-frame “person who enjoys the idea of two fictional characters making out” as “person who thinks it’s reasonable or justified to try and get a black man fired for making some jokes with sexist implications” is such a weird, ineffective tactic.

For fighting racism.

Unfortunately, fighting racism is not the actual goal of this shitshow.

The goal is to make people, especially queer woman, feel bad for enjoying some movies in a way others don’t like--even if its the way the films themselves ended up promoting.

To make that goal sound less petty, it’s being disguised as a fight against racism.

Fighting racism is being co-opted into a ship war.

I know this comes as a weird shock to everyone involved, but the answer the racism is not sexism, the answer to sexism is not racism, and trying to obfuscate the actions of fucking racists by calling them shippers is some dumb ass bullshit.

People have been trying to get John Boyega fired for non-reasons since the first trailer dropped, and those people run the entire gamut of star wars face, because racism is everywhere. It’s not somehow a unique feature of a particular ship.

Re-framing racism as a shipping issue is a great way to call perfectly pleasant fans of color racist for having emotions, while letting white shitheads who spend all day writing slur laden screeds on twitter, and have been trying to get Boyega fired for most of a decade now, off the hook because at least they don’t read the wrong kind of fanfiction.

It’s not just ineffective, it’s counter productive.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[loove-persevering]

Hierarchy (Steve Harrington Imagine)

Description: reader is shy and quiet, reads and keeps to herself all the time whereas king Steve is the opposite. He parties and socializes, til one time in the hall he bumps into her and helps her pick up her books and it’s just super rom-com central. He tracks her down and wants to spend more time w her despite what his friends say and the reader wants to break down cause he’s too different from her and she thinks he won’t like her but she’s sooo wrong b/c he’s smitten 

A/N: I changed it up a little bit hope that’s okay!:)

High school was a hierarchy, there was a top of that hierarchy and then there was the bottom which is exactly the category you seemed to fit perfectly in. Not that it bothered you, you could care less of what you were in high school you knew you’d be something when you left and that was what mattered to you. Hawkins was a small town and you were more than dedicated to making it out, you wanted more than what this town could offer you which didn’t seem to be much. 

 You spent majority of your time with your face in a book, and that was enough for you. You didn’t feel obligated to go out every weekend and get hammered and you didn’t feel the need to surround yourself with the fake friends that seemed to surround Hawkins. Everywhere you looked people were gossiping about one another and finding new people to talk bad about and you were glad you were confined to yourself for the most part. Sure it would be nice to go out and do something every once in a while but you had never met anyone worth hanging out with in Hawkins. 

 So today you were sitting in the library reading a Stephen King novel completely engrossed in the gory but interesting world that was his books. You were a big fan of his as well as the few movies that had been made based off his books. You were apparently too enveloped in the book because just as you finished the chapter the bell rang signaling you only had three minutes to get to your next class. ‘’Shit,’’ You mutter grabbing all your books off the table not having time to stuff them in your backpack. You struggle to put the strap over you shoulder as your rush out the doors of the library. 

 You were still trying to get the books organized as you made your way out the door pushing it open with your hip, just as you were about to round the books suddenly made their way to the floor you along with it. ‘’Dammit,’’ You mutter pushing yourself up off the ground. There stood Steve Harrington looking down at you wide eyed as Tommy and Carol snickered behind him. 

 You roll your eyes pushing yourself on your knees collecting your books, Steve stood there watching you in amusement as he hadn’t realized how he never had noticed you. Eventually he does fall to his knees helping you pick up the few books you had left scattered on the ground, he holds them out to you and you look up at him hesitantly, ‘’Thanks,’’ You say almost cautiously. 

‘’You’re welcome!’’ He says giving you his million dollar smile, the one he seemed to parade around at every girl in Hawkins high. ‘’Are you new here?’’ He asks oblivious. 

You let out a sarcastic laugh, ‘’Yeah, new!’’ You say. 

‘’What’s your name then?’’ He asks. 

‘’Wouldn’t you like to know Harrington,’’ You say. 

He looks at you confused both of you standing up from the ground now, you glance back at Tommy and Carol who seemed to be looking over your appearance judgement spread across their faces.  ‘’So you’re not new?’’ He asks laughing nervously. 

‘‘I have to go,’‘ You say glancing up at the clock over top of you realizing now you only had about a minute and a half to get to your next class. You move past Steve and his friends ignoring their gaze as the continued to whisper to each other like children. 

‘‘What a freak!’‘ You hear Tommy yell out and you sigh glancing back at them, Steve was looking your way completely ignoring what Tommy said. ‘‘She is like if Jonathan Byers’ was a girl..’‘ Tommy says making Carol burst out laughing. You turn your head away immediately and make your way to your next class. 

___

A few days later you were standing at your locker getting the books you needed to take home for the weekend when someone appeared next to your locker. You glance over seeing Steve Harrington glasses pushed down on his nose as he leaned on his side against the lockers next to you. ‘’Can I help you?’’ You ask glancing away from him taking another book and shoving it into your bag. 

‘‘You’re Y/N Y/LN,’‘ He says triumphantly. 

‘‘You figured it out, Congrats!’‘ You tell him taking the door of your locker and shutting it. You grab the lock putting it back on and then turn away from Steve heading in the opposite direction. That is until you see him fall in sync walking right next to you, ‘‘Do you want a prize or something?’‘ You ask looking at him confused as to why he all of a sudden wanted to talk to you. 

‘‘I think that you’re in need of a friend, and I’m just the person.’‘ He say smiling eagerly at you. 

You look at him confused still, was this guy serious? ‘’Thanks..but I’ll pass.’’ You say to him giving him a soft smile. He looked a little hurt for a second and you honestly felt bad, he didn’t seem to be too sarcastic about the situation but with Tommy and Carol as his friends you couldn’t help but think this was a set up. ‘’Listen I didn’t mean to be rude, but I just don’t get why?’’ You say to him. 

‘‘You seem like a cool person,’‘ He says shrugging his shoulders.

‘‘Me? I seem cool?’‘ You ask him laughing glancing over at him, you push the doors open finally letting the autumn air hit you as you walked to the parking lot. 

‘‘I mean you read cool books?’‘ Steve says. He reaches over grabbing the book out of your hand and you have to refrain yourself from calling him out. ‘‘Is this a different book from the other day?’‘ He asks smiling flipping it over looking at the back. 

You grab it back from him quickly and stuff it under your arm, ‘’Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.’’ You admit. 

‘‘It is!’‘ He yells. ‘‘What are you a ninja?’‘ He asks laughing. 

‘‘A ninja?’‘ You ask him finally making it to your car, he stands there looking down at you a smile on his face. ‘‘What kind of ninja reads fast?’‘ You ask him. 

 He laughs glancing from you back to the parking lot and you notice a sudden change in his demeanor as he does, he seemed to get tense? ‘’Listen I gotta go, could we talk again maybe sometime?’’ He asks sounding rushed. 

 You look at him confused, ‘’Talking is a normal human interaction so yeah,’’ You say trying to lighten the mood with a joke. He looks down at you an odd look on his face and then he gives you a soft smile before walking across the parking lot. You put your bag in the passenger seat of your car and walk around to the driver side and as you do you glance up seeing the direction Steve walked in. Tommy and Carol stood at back of Steve’s car and Tommy nudges Steve when he finally makes his way over. 

‘‘What are you talking to that freak for?’‘ He asks. 

‘‘Yeah Steve, I know Nancy did a ringer on you but why settle for that outcast?’‘ Carol asks earning a laugh from Tommy. 

‘‘Exactly,’‘ Tommy says. You glance over at Steve hoping that maybe he would tell them to shut up but he never did he just let out what sounded like a nervous laugh before getting in his car Tommy and Carol in pursuit. 

It was then that you realized that Steve Harrington was definitely one of those guys that cared about the high school Hierarchy, and that he was aware you were at the very bottom. 

____

 Over the next few weeks Steve Harrington made an effort to try and talk to you, but seemingly enough it was when nobody was around. You picked up on that pretty quickly so when Steve started coming your way you would practically do a flip to avoid him, running into classes you weren’t in, even walking in a crowd of people hoping he wouldn’t notice you. 

To your dismay he always seemed to find you, ‘’Hey,’’ You hear a whisper as he sits down next to you in the library. You glance up at him giving him a nod of acknowledgment and then turn your gaze back to the book in front of you, you attempted to read but with him sitting there you knew you’d get nothing done. ‘’Can we talk?’’ Steve asks. 

‘‘Sure,’‘ You say closing your book. You put your elbow on top of the book and your other hand below your chin supporting your head as you stare at him expectantly. Steve looks at you oddly and then coughs looking around, ‘’Scared your friends will see?’’ You ask him and he looks back at you wide eyed.

‘‘What?’‘ He asks sounding slightly offended. 

‘‘I said,’‘ You pause. ‘‘Are you scared your friends are gonna see us?’‘ You ask him. 

‘‘No!’‘ He yells, and you can hear the people around you shush him making you laugh lightly. ‘‘Why would you ask that?’‘ 

 ‘’I’m not dumb Steve,’’ You sigh gathering your books. ‘’I can hear your friends making fun of me when I walk away and you don’t do a damn thing to stop them.’’ You say and watch his expression turn to pure guilt. ‘’Who wants a friend like that?’’ You ask him. 

 ‘’Y/N I didn’t mean to- I just-’’ He says his face scrunches up trying to find the words or some kind of explanation to justify what he did. 

‘‘It’s fine Steve,’‘ You admit to him, ‘‘My feelings aren’t hurt, I kind of expected it to be honest.’‘ 

‘‘You expected it?’‘ He asks. 

‘‘Your nickname is King Steve, you seem to have a persona to keep up with and I’m not one to stand in the way of what makes you feel best about yourself.’‘ You tell him. You gather all your stuff up finally and stand up slinging the bag over your shoulder, ‘‘Listen Steve, you’re nice I can tell. But you have sucky friends and you could do way better so just think about the people you’re surrounding yourself with.’‘ You say giving him a soft smile, ‘‘I’ll see you around.’‘ You tell him turning away from him. 

_____ 

It was later in the day and school was finally over, the parking lot begin to fill with loitering teenagers just like you. They were shrieking as if they hadn’t seen each other in years, and then some of them were casually waiting around for boys which seemed to be a trend, especially for those of girls watching Billy Hargrove. He was definitely an asshole, you didn’t need to get close and personal to see that and all the girl seemed to fall at his feet desperate for the fresh and new bad boy from California. 

 You watch Billy walk out his smirk across his face, he knew he was being watched and he lived for it and that was what made you know that you were always going to have a strong dislike for him. You roll your eyes watching him hop in his car which was vertical to yours on the opposite side, you put your bag in the seat next to you and get in on the other side. You start the car hearing it begin to click and you slam your hand against the wheel groaning, ‘’Come on! Start!’’ You call out. You turn the key one more time and it successfully starts and you let out a sigh of relief.  

 You turn your head around checking for anyone behind you and then being to slowly reverse, you turn your head just the slightest to check the other side and when you do you hear the rev of an engine and you knew exactly who it was. Before you knew it you felt a jolt and you lay your head on the steering wheel praying the damage wasn’t too bad.  You get out of the car and walk around to the back noticing your back bumper was on the ground and you had a huge ass dent, ‘’Dammit,’’ You mutter. 

 Then Billy himself gets out of the car so nonchalantly acting as if he didn’t just cause an accident. 

‘’You’re paying for this!’’ You tell him, and you watch him let out a merciful laugh. 

‘’Like hell I am princess,’’ He says giving you his signature smile, the one that apparently made girls fall right into the back seat of his car. But there was no way in hell that was going to happen with you.

 ‘’You’re a dick Hargrove,’’ You mutter and you hear a collective gasp around the parking lot. ‘’You drive like a bat out of hell and this was your fault so you can pay for my car!’’ You yell at him. 

‘‘It’s a piece of shit, I did you a favor!’‘ He says leaning his forearm against the hood of his car. You roll your eyes crossing your arms over your chest standing your ground against him, you worked hard to get this car and so did your dad. Being a single parent was hard and put up half the money for it only a few short months ago no way in hell this was going down without a fight. 

‘‘Listen, I just got this car. I really can’t afford to just pay it.’‘ You admit to him walking closer so the entire parking lot didn’t hear about your issues. 

‘‘Not my problem,’‘ He says licking his lips looking at you seductively, ‘‘I’ll give you a ride?’‘ He suggest and you scrunch your face up in disgust. You glance around the parking lot catching the gaze of Steve Harrington who had a worried expression on his face and not too far away was Tommy in Carol. 

 ‘’I’d rather not,’’ You decline him. ‘’All I’m asking is you give me half to pay for damages, sound fair?’’ You ask him hoping he would agree. 

‘‘I think we could workout another negotiation,’‘ He says suggestively. ‘‘One that works in your favor and mine.’‘ He says leaning in whispering in your ear. 

You take your hands pushing him back, ‘’Fuck off Hargrove, I just want the money.’’ You tell him and he looked mad. 

‘‘Bitch,’‘ He mutters and before you knew it your hand was flying up slapping Billy straight across the face and once again you could hear the collection of yells from around the parking lot. 

‘‘Shit!’‘ You heard someone yell. 

 You suddenly felt nervous knowing that Billy was a guy with a temper but would he really do something to you in front of the whole school? You look back at him and he turns around his hand massaging his jaw and he looks back up at your licking his bottom lip letting out a vicious laugh. ‘’Got some fire in you don’t you?’’ He asks stepping closer to you causing you to take a step back. 

‘‘Hargrove!’‘ You hear a familiar male voice yell, Steve stood a few feet away from you his hands on his hips as he looked at Billy. 

Billy smiles rolling his head back, ‘’Steve Harrington,’’ He says looking back at you, ‘’What is this your girlfriend?’’ He asks. 

‘‘No,’‘ Steve says glancing at you. ‘’But just leave her the hell alone man,’’ He says in a more menacing voice. 

Billy glances back from Steve to you and just nods his head, ‘’We’ll finish this another time won’t we?’’ He asks looking you straight in the eye and you keep your face narrowed. Billy makes his way back in his car and speeds out of the parking lot once again being a danger to society, you roll your eyes turning around as everyone seems to file out of the parking lot now that the entertainment was gone. You walk over to your car about to shut the door when a hand stops the door from moving. 

‘‘Hey?’‘ Steve asks cautiously. ‘’You okay?’’ He asks. 

You just shrug your shoulders out of frustration, what were you going to tell your dad? ‘’I’m fine,’’ You say but your voice says a different story. ‘’I’m fine,’’ You cough trying to get the lump in your throat out. 

 ‘’Why don’t you let me drive you home?’’ You hear Steve ask .

‘‘No.’‘ You say immediately, the one thing you didn’t want was to feel indebted to Steve Harrington. 

‘‘Y/N your bumper is still hanging off the back,’‘ Steve says one hand leaning against your car door the other on his hips as he crossed one leg over another. ‘‘Come on let me take you home,’‘ He says sounding sincere. 

 You glance over through the passenger seat window and notice Carol and Tommy loitering around Steve’s car. ‘’Look’s a little crowded to me,’’ You say glancing back up at Steve, he squints glancing over to the car. 

‘‘They’re not that bad,’‘ He sighs. ‘‘Come on,’‘ He says. 

You sigh and grab your bag getting out of the car ducking under Steve’s arm and he shuts the car door smiling triumphantly. You walk over to the car slowly but surely Steve making his way in front of you. ‘’Helping the less fortunate Harrington?’’ You hear Carol ask making your roll your eyes. ‘’Looks like he really wants to get laid.’’ 

 ‘’You know what I’ll walk!’’ You tell Steve turning your body around to walk the other direction. 

‘‘Hey! Wait!’’ You hear Steve yell and you turn around cautiously. 

He looks over to Carol and Tommy, ‘’Carol shut it,’’ Steve says simply and Carols mouth drops open in shock. 

‘‘Hey, what’s your problem man?’‘ Tommy asks sounding offended. 

‘‘She’s being an asshole man,’‘ Steve says. 

‘‘Seriously?’‘ Tommy ask and you adjust your bag off your shoulder feeling responsible for the fight that was about to break out. 

‘‘You don’t need to try and make everyone else miserable! She’s done nothing to you and you’re making fun of her?’‘ Steve says and Tommy walks getting in his face. 

‘‘You’d usually be one to join in! Now what? You want to get in some girls pants and you’re too good for us?’‘ He asks gesturing to Carol who was glaring at you. 

Steve walks over pushing Tommy against his chest, ‘’Find your own ride home both of you.’’ He says and Tommy shoves Steve’s shoulders causing Steve to fall against the car. 

‘‘You’re really gonna ditch us for this freak?’‘ Tommy asks gesturing to you. You lower your head to the ground not wanting to add anything to the fight. 

‘’I told her the same thing I’m gonna tell you, shut your mouth tony!’’ He yells and they were both in each others faces at this point. Tommy starts laughing in a calm manner making you very confused. 

‘’You’ll come running back soon enough when you realize we’re the only people who give a shit about you,’’ Tommy says and you can see a shift in Steve’s facial expression. ‘’And when you do you’ll have to beg to hangout with us again.’’ Tommy says and Steve shakes his head letting out a breath of air. 

‘’Yeah, right.’’ Steve says. Tommy steps back still laughing slinging his arm around Carol and moving back, Steve looks over at you gesturing to get in the car and you walk over to the passenger side and sink into the seat. Steve gets in slamming the door and you watch Tommy and Carol glaring at him as he pulled out of the parking spot fairly quickly then presses on the gas. 

 You stayed silent for the first few minutes of the car ride not really knowing what to say, Steve just kicked his friends out of the car for you? You can see him gripping the wheel tightly and glancing over at you every so often, ‘’They’re not that bad?’’ You ask him trying to lighten the mood a little bit. He glances over at you a little wide eyes and then back to the road the hint of a smile on his face as he lets out a laugh. 

‘’Okay so they suck,’’ He admits. 

‘’You don’t have to tell me twice,’’ You say looking out the window. ‘’Do you know how to get to my house?’’ You ask him.

 ‘’Uh no not really-’’ He says sheepishly. 

‘’Take a right here,’’ You tell him. You guide him the rest of the way to your house telling him all the turns and everything and he finally pulls into your neighborhood, ‘’You can just pull over right here,’’ You tell him and he slowly begins to stop. You put your hand over the door handle and look over at Steve, ‘’Thank you,’’ You tell him simply kind of intimidated that he was seeing how small your house was, ‘’It’s just me and my dad.’’ You tell him. 

‘’You don’t have to explain anything to me,’’ He says. ‘’Are you guys close?’’ He asks timidly. 

You nod your head, ‘’Very, he’s my best friend.’’ You say smiling to him. 

‘’And your mom?’’ He asks which takes you a little by surprise. ‘’You don’t have to answer that- sorry.’’ He says running his hand through his hair looking away from you. 

‘’Oh, she wanted to live in the city.’’ You tell him. ‘’My dad said the city wasn’t the place to raise a kid so she bolted,’’ You tell him.  He looks at you sympathetically, ‘’It’s fine I realized when I was really young that having a single parent was way better than having one who resented you for holding them back.’’ You admit to him. You can see the sad expression on his face and you hesitate to ask at first but you wanted him to know he could trust you, ‘’What about your parents?’’ 

‘’Uh- my parents aren’t around a lot, but when they are they’re not very involved,’’ He says. ‘’I know what you mean when you talk about parents resenting you.’’ He tells you. You reach over and put your hand on his shoulder giving him a smile, maybe it was too much, maybe that was crossing a line because when you did it he looked up at you with wide eyes. 

 ‘’Well, I should go.’’ You say pulling your hand away from him. ‘’My dad’s probably got dinner ready,’’ You say and Steve nods his head giving you a soft smile. You open the door and get out wishing Steve another thank you before walking into the driveway. ‘’You walk only a few feet away from the car until you hear your name being called out. 

‘’Y//N!’’ You can see Steve pushed over the passenger side having to roll down the window himself, ‘’Would you want to go out this weekend maybe?’’ He asks and you couldn’t help the smile on your face, maybe ‘’King Steve’’ wasn’t all that bad? ‘’How about Saturday at seven? We could go to the drive in?’’

‘’Sure!’’ You say feeling as if it sounded a little to eager, ‘’I mean yeah, but don’t be late Harrington I hate when people are late!’’ You say trying to throw him off to show that you weren’t as eager as your voice let on. 

‘’Trust me I won’t be late,’’ He says letting out a laugh. ‘’If anything I’ll be way too early and you’ll have to spend more time with me!’’ He says and you fake gasp. 

‘’That wouldn’t be the end of the world I guess,’’’ You say and a smile echoed on both of your faces. ‘’I’ll see you tomorrow?’’ You ask him. 

‘’Bright and early!’’ He says referring to picking you up. You turn around walking away from Steve and back into your house and you realized that Steve Harrington was as good as they come when you got past the whole I’m an asshole phase, and that you were in fact very excited for Saturday.

[bellaelisabeth95]

A reminder of the toxicity that plagues the legacy of Marlene King and Pretty Little Liars

TW: Self harm and suicide

I know that this coming week starts the Pretty Little Liars spinoff “The Perfectionists,” also directed by Marlene King and starring two cast members from the original show. PLL has been over for years now, but that doesn’t mean some of its most…… passionate? fans have forgotten it. I know many of us haven’t. Who could forget the disaster that was the end of Pretty Little Liars, as a small but very loud subgroup of fans decided to viciously attack anyone who stood in the way of their beloved ship? Before I go any further, I want to make it clear that everyone knows it was not all emison fans. If you are a person who shipped emison but did not bully other cast members or fans, then I feel truly sorry that you were in the same group as them. And I thank you for not taking part in what some of them did.   

  The reason I’m making this post is because of the Lindsey Shaw Fiasco. I know every single PLL fan on social media knows what this is, regardless of who you shipped/didn’t ship. I want to make sure in light of MK’s new show no one forgets what happened to her, and what could happen again. Marlene King watched as one of her own actors, as well as many of the fans of her show, were mercilessly harassed and said NOTHING. In fact, she pandered to the same people doing the harassing. Both Shay Mitchell and Sasha Pieterse, the two parts of the emison ship, said nothing, despite the harassers being their fans. Now, maybe you’ll say all the ships had crazy fans. They did. But none like this one. Because these people went beyond the typical mean comments about looks or weight. These people aimed to cause real, true harm, and in some cases they almost succeeded. And now, after PLL being over for two years, with the chance for this rabid fanbase to lose their flame, another show targeted at the SAME PEOPLE is airing next week. Another chance to bring them together, to attack anyone they see as getting in the way of their ship.  

   Fans of the ship Paily were targeted. And even more so than us, Paige’s actress, Lindsey Shaw, was targeted the most relentlessly and disgustingly of all. Whether you are a fan of Lindsey’s or not, you cannot justify what happened to her. Not even if you still choose to believe she “supports Trump,” which she made clear she does not. As a fan of hers, I will agree it was dumb of her to joke about that, and I think she forgot that people don’t always get her sense of humor. Not to mention, there were always people who weren’t fans waiting to pounce. But did you ever stop to think about what led to that little breakdown? (I think right around this time 3 years ago). At that point, Lindsey had already been taking abuse for YEARS, although it certainly got worse as emison became a possibility. She would post something unrelated to the show and be flooded with “kill yourself”, “die pigskin,” and “drink bleach.” How long can someone take that kind of harassment without snapping a little? I was always impressed it didn’t happen sooner. It was clear to me, as well as many of her other fans, that she was going through something personal at the time, and all of the abuse on top of it was a little too much. This all came to a head March 2016. No one from the show said anything.   

  Fast forward to May 2016, when I lost every ounce of respect for every single cast member of PLL. I used to be a huge fan of Shay. That started fading as she failed to even acknowledge her Paily fans as time went on. It was obvious she cared far more about being popular than she did about standing up for her fans or a co-star she claimed to love. And I don’t know, maybe she and Lindsey had some kind of personal falling out. I always wondered if that was the case, because how else could they all be cold enough to ignore someone’s obvious suffering? Even if that is the case, it isn’t an excuse for her never speaking up. On one day in early May, Lindsey retweeted something that got a portion of the emison base in a frenzy, with them claiming she called Sasha ugly (the tweet did no such thing. It was calling Paily a beautiful couple). Anyway, they POUNCED with a level of venom I had never even seen before. It was horrifying. There were lots of death threats, calls for her to hurt herself. But the one that stood out most came from a user who I won’t name because I don’t want her to have the satisfaction. She literally started a petition with Lindsey’s twitter handle in it, telling people to RT to get her to commit suicide. To which Lindsey responded that she had already tried. Anyone outside of that small pocket of emisons was HORRIFIED, frantically tweeting Marlene, Shay, Troian, all the big name people from the show to address this. Even if they didn’t address Lindsey, to just make an overall statement about how this behavior wasn’t okay. Fans from every ship were taking part. I was sure Shay, or at least Marlene, would say something.

  None of them did. Not a single one. It was obvious at that point how much Lindsey was suffering. But still no one said a word.

  These are all adults. Grown women acting like a group of middle school bystanders, too cowardly to stand up for the bullied. There is no excuse for them never addressing this. Especially since with a new show, it’s likely to just start up where it left off. In glancing through instagram comments, these same fans have already found a new target: Evan Bittencourt. I don’t know who he is or why they hate him, and frankly I don’t care, because I’m sure it’s bogus, just like their reasons for hating Lindsey. The point is, just like I was afraid of the second I heard Marlene was doing another show, they have already found a new target. I have literally seen them refer to him as “The new Lindsey Shaw.” And anyone who watched PLL knows that’s not a good thing. Just some snooping has already revealed some pretty ugly tweets/comments, which I’m sure he is seeing. We saw first hand how over time being bombarded with hatred took its toll on someone who was once very proud and passionate about the character they played.

  Mental health is important. Suicide is very serious. I won’t even get into why seeing Lindsey’s tweet that night shattered my heart or why it to this day infuriates me that none of those women said anything. The fact that so many people think it’s a joke, or that it’s okay running around telling people to hurt themselves, will forever remain a mystery.

  Marlene shouldn’t be allowed to have another show after what she encouraged during her last one, and especially not one directed at the same group of fans. PLL needs to be dead and buried forever. No spinoffs. The show, and the people working on it, became toxic, and that same toxicity will be revived the moment these characters are brought back to life next week. Real people got hurt last time. Real people almost died. Think of how crazy and serious that is. I shudder to think what social media is going to look like once this gets under way, especially if the fans of the emison ship feel threatened. I know I will not watch even a second of this show. I hope it is short lived and these characters, and the toxicity they bring with them, can finally be put to rest.

  So what happens if things get bad again, Marlene? Will you say something? Will you ever try to make this right? We haven’t forgotten what you let happen to us, or happen to Lindsey. We will never forget how badly she was struggling personally, or that she was driven off social media because of your fans that you never EVER addressed. It breaks my heart what you let happen to her, and it breaks my heart that with this new show comes the opportunity for it to happen again. I hope you’ve become a better person since the Lindsey Shaw Fiasco. It’s too late for you to ever make that right, and honestly, I don’t think you have any desire to. But I do hope that you at least have enough remorse, however small it may be, to make sure it never happens again.

Please share this. Here, to twitter, instagram, everywhere. Let’s make sure we stand up this time.

[land-of-brains-and-chocolate]

god it WILL NOT stop bothering me until i talk about it. the way we got here. it’s not just about the book anymore, not at all, and it’s certainly never been about “shipping”, at this point it’s how helpless the tactics of the guy make me feel.

step one: refer to people who have read previous venom books and noticed the trend throughout the nineties to portray eddie and the symbiote as a man and an agender alien in an ambiguously or not-so-ambiguously romantic relationship, which was picked up on and completely unambiguously canonised in the very last run, consistently refer to these people as “shippers”, lovingly condescend to them, do not ever treat “the ship” as existing beyond their imagination

[I LOVE THAT YOU GUYS EXIST]

result: make people forget that this is a complete misrepresentation and he has received no criticism whatsoever for “not making a ship canon” because that is not what he did, he decanonised it and then denied doing so and painted everyone it ever meant something to as essentially deluded - and, considering that that’s all they are, he’s being awfully kind and accommodating, isn’t he?

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step two: actively seek out these no-good shippers on tumblr! tell them that you’re watching them! read their detailed posts in which they express their grievances about your comic book to their friends and misrepresent their points on your twitter so your bajillion followers can affirm that Those People are categorically wrong about everything!

[EDDIE IS CODEPENDENT]

people are mad at him because he said eddie was codependent! not because he’s reframing the extremely rare story of a troubled queer relationship that was ultimately still a redemptive force in these characters’ lives as an unhealthy compulsion that corrupts, hm, what a fresh and unfamiliar take, no reason why this would strike a nerve - and, recently, of course, as something inherently abusive, every bit of hope and change for the better vile and fake.

literally just start vaguing about people’s personal tumblr blogs on your professional twitter account with the little, little blue checkmark and everything, use that to make passive-aggressive references to people’s posts! why not!

[LOVE EACH OTHER]

people talk about how they like a symbiote and its host getting along (and they did, that very night, talk quite a lot about ngozi)? that is so dumb and lame.

[EVERYTHING IS AWESOME]

people get sick of edgy shock factor writing that throws one dark theme after another at them without treating any of them with the consideration they deserve? people expect some moments of levity in a venom book?

they’re asking for stories with no conflict where nothing bad ever happens! but it’s okay, he knows better, he knows you just don’t know what you want! it’s not like endless sadness is just as likely to be dreadfully boring or unintentionally hilarious as endless happiness!

result: o w n e d god he sure is shutting down every point no one has ever made

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step three: literally get so mad at people on tumblr talking about your comic that you not only boil their opinions down to THE SHIIIIP but literally say that their opinions don’t matter because they literally would never say it “to your face” literally because it’s “easy to be brave on tumblr”

literally

say these words

[IT’S EASY TO BE BRAVE ON TUMBLR]

call people chicken shits for NOT talking to you directly! and then! BLOCK everybody who talks to you directly! or quote retweet them so your followers can descend like vultures! actually acknowledge that it takes bravery to interact with you if you’re in the Tumblr Demographic, you know, one of Those People, and frame yourself as in the right for it???

am i losing my mind???

[SIX PEOPLE ON TUMBLR]

get so mad at people on tumblr talking about your comic that you not only claim they’re the only people ever to talk badly of it but imply that you’re one step away from namedropping the specific perpetrators. that’s not ominous at all!

it’s an age-old question: how many times does one of marvel’s top writers with legions of fans have to imply his antagonistic awareness of your specific existence before you’re on a first name basis? and also paranoid?

result: stir shit. be a shit stirrer. faint when your shit stirring does in fact stir shit. you can’t go “you would never” and be surprised when people do, you... can’t...

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step four: whip out your ally card... to whip the people you’re supposed to be allied to with it. try to use your knowledge of queer issues to shut down actual queer people.

[I DON’T THINK IT’S APPROPRIATE TO ASSUME GENDER]

either that, or straight-up make a “did you just assume my gender” joke. i can’t find the original tweet anymore, so it’s possible it was that and he deleted it because it was too blatant, lol.

result: MAYBE YOU GUYS WERE THE PROBLEMATIC ONES ALL ALONG

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step five: remember that interview where he outright stated that he just wants to, just to be the definite venom run? just to put the biggest dent in canon he can? just to break everybody’s toys and emerge victorious as the one person with the valid take on venom?

yeah, those things become more noticeable in the actual book, over time, and acceptance of that is, uh, not universal? not everybody’s up for him spending several issues in a row on e s t a b l i s h i n g  d o m i n a n c e by having eddie sit around as other characters tell him that a ton of stuff other writers from michelinie to thompson to costa to kaminski to slott to jenkins have done actually sucked and was wrong and fake and never happened? through retcons that make no sense, like, factually don’t fit?

people don’t like you walking back character and relationship development to further your end goal of recasting the symbiote as the personification of addiction and abuse instead of itself a survivor of extreme abuse who has been constantly denied personhood in a way that is frighteningly resonant and who has been going through a genuine redemption arc for years now?

people don’t like you acting like eddie never had a reason for being who he is before and you had to make one up? one that doesn’t fit the character at all, which you didn’t realise because you apparently thought the character had no characterisation before you came along?

you can imagine how these things might spark nerd rage?

and you can probably imagine who this nerd rage was blamed on, yeah?

these criticisms inherently require knowledge of venom canon, because they’re largely about disrespect for it, these criticisms are not related to shipping of any kind - but of course the only thing people could possibly be mad about is the "ship", the only ones making a fuss are those “shippers”, those casuals, Those People who only care about One Thing and don’t understand the real gritty reality of the, god you get it i’m making fun

[I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT]

you’re the only one, don. it’s true.

and i know, i know for a fact, that he’s been aware of criticism from other groups all along, that he was, for example, witness to this livestream that spends like a solid hour a month mercilessly dragging him through the dirt, and you know what the extent of his response was?

thanks for checking the book out.

that’s it. that’s all. this guy hasn’t gotten any less loud about criticising him, either. wishing for his book’s cancellation and retconning. but nothing more. he gets to keep to himself. he is #valid.

people have been taking the piss out of him on youtube, on reddit. only tumblr ever earned his ire. only tumblr gets namedropped at convention panels.

and now, now more than ever? you better believe your regular run-of-the-mill nerds, straight, male, utterly uninterested in the icky stuff, everything, are mad. almost everyone who’s truly tits deep in venom lore is mad.

and so he’s said he’s received threats. and i’m sure he has. i’ve received threats. you’ve received threats. it’s never okay. it sure as shit never helps to send them.

he’s gotten a lot of fucking inappropriate personal vitriol! lots of it actually “ship”-related! i’m categorically against contacting the guy for any reason!

but who is to blame? who do people accept as being to blame? who do news outlets report on as being to blame? when, i presume, not every single one of them actually went “i’m doing this specifically because i’m a (thunder clap) shipper”? when large-scale retcons are literally always met with nerd rage? when a shipper-less fandom probably still would’ve had threats?

[THIS IS INSANE]

[IT’S THE SHIPPERS]

result: if all criticism = “shippers”, and “shippers” = harassment, then everyone who has no actual idea of what’s going on but who doesn’t like “shippers” is automatically on his side and nobody who isn’t a “shipper” wants to risk the association by criticising him.

get this stuff out to his followers, to news outlets, to people completely uninvolved and contextless, and watch the bile run over everywhere because lots of people are ready to accept this narrative in comic book spaces.

have people in the replies and comments eagerly discussing how this is more proof that c+o+m+i+c+s+gate was right and they’re the only reasonable ones. how disgusting and crazy "shippers” are. how donny should keep doing his best to trigger the gays. there’s no pushback against these ideas.

and i’m so fucking stuck between wanting to defend the man, wring my hands and apologise on behalf of the other These People, because i don’t see anything justifiable in their actions, and in being... just... just so frustrated... with everything... with throwing everyone out to the dogs... and claiming that he doesn’t mean to... when he has this whole history of belittling "shippers” specifically... of making sure their public image is that of people who just don’t know what they’re talking about and are in no way worth empathising with... of only drawing attention to the aggressive ones and blocking the reasonable ones

when he literally only stands to benefit from doing all this. 

this is massive amounts of free positive pr.

this makes him essentially immune to criticism of any kind.

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes! 

i forgot! somewhere along the line, he did do something very good and disavowed association with co/mics/ga/te!

[C0M1C5G8]

why the fuck am i censoring? tumblr search stopped working decades ago.

anyway, it should come as no particular surprise why these people assumed he would side with them. not that any high profile writer who values his standing would, really. are there any? maybe there are, i’m not up to date on this drama.

i just think it’s funny - genuinely not his fault, but hilarious - that this was apparently enough to inspire a “boycott”? and it was a fart in the wind?

which is the least surprising thing ever because there is actually nothing whatsoever to hold these people’s ire to be found in venom? excluding aliens, there has been one real and present character who isn’t a white guy in 11 issues? it is actively less queer than it was before? donny has never caved to the essjaywoo pressure in any way, shape or form? what were they... thinking? it’s almost like these people are dumb?

all they've done is ensure that, without it actually doing anything, venom gets the commendation for being A Comic The Gators Don't Like?

anyway.

what do we do moving forward? i don’t know. nothing. not harassing anyone. keep being salty on tumblr. do not engage him. i think i’m more about stalling the chain reaction he’s caused than the man himself. if you’re not a “shipper”, of course, keep posting your criticism, maybe stand up for “shippers” who are being dogpiled over genuine criticism, don’t let people say This Is All Proof Of How You Can’t Have Queer Content Because Queers Are Crazy.

and be nice to mike costa.

[dukeofriven]

Let Boys Love Girl Things

For a deeply depressed, angry, and vitriolic bisexual 20-something who stumbled out of a toxic 2-year intensive college program confused as fuck about his gender and hurting everyone around him, it is with no exaggeration that I say My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic’s low-key stakes, warmth, humour, kindness, and utter lack of cynical irony was my first step on the road not only to recovery but coming even sort of close to having an accord with my identity. So I quite frankly I am exhausted that I have spent nine years being judged on the behaviour of a fandom group from 4chan. Nine years ago there was a gross perpetuation of toxic masculinity where men were ridiculed en-masse for liking a “girl’s show,” a campaign of derision that only intensified as the worst elements of 4chan gave everyone the evidence they seemed to want to justify their snap-judgement that boys liking girls shows was fundamentally weird, gross, and worthy of censure. We like to clap ourselves on the back for how woke we are now. There’s no discourse that says it is “skeevy” that men enjoy She-Ra, and petulant MRAs on Reddit getting upset about the show’s new ‘feminist’ agenda is considered to be representative of nothing other than petulant MRAs on Reddit, not the She-Ra fandom as a whole. Steven Universe is triumphed everywhere as a victory for better masculinity - without anyone ever noting that Steven would love every single moment of My Little Pony: FiM. He’d cry at the wedding, and he’d weep at the destruction of the library, and he’d think the Storm King was an effective villain while Connie rolled her eyes and tried and failed to point-out the weak characterization. Steven would cheer and cry every time a villain was redeemed through the power of love and friendship. Because he’s Steven, and he loves schmaltz, and it’s okay for a boy to like schmaltz. If we truly believe that, as we say we do, it’s time let the habit of shaming boys who liked a cartoon show go. It’s been a decade. Yes: MLP: FiM had a disgusting contingent of its fandom. You know what other franchise has that problem? A little film series you might have heard of called Star Wars. A contingent of Star Wars fandom was so racist it drove actors of colour off of twitter because it piled hate upon them. It was so misogynistic that somebody out there recut the entirety of The Last Jedi so that men save the day and all the women get reduced to bit parts. And yet if I see a Star Wars avatar my first assumption generally isn’t “oh you like Star Wars, so you must therefore be a misogynistic racist.” Because statistically speaking, you aren’t - just like, statistically speaking, the men who liked My Little Pony weren’t 4chan users. Not that most people bothered to find that out, because - shockingly - the worst elements had loud voices and got all the press, and the standard we applied to them was so entrenched in patriarchy that none of us wanted to accept that men could like the girls show without it being some gross violation of the proper order. I’m tired of that. The show’s been on nine years - long enough that kids who grew up watching it are old enough to start entering “The Discourse Space,” and what kind of example do we want to set for them that a show that might have meant so much to them growing up is given a defacto label of deviancy? ”Adult males like this show about the little kiddie ponies - that’s so creepy.” There’s a point I want to make here that I think really needs to be said so I am going to make it large

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is a show for children; it is not a show about children.

What do I mean by this? Adventure Time is the story of Finn, a 12-year-old. Steven Universe is a show about Steven Universe, a 12-year-old. Ok K.O. is a show about K.O. a 6-11 year-old. Avatar: The Last Airbender is about a group of kids aged 11-14. She-Ra is a show about Adora who is… 16-ish? 17? And so on.

MLP:FiM is a show about 20-somethings. It’s a show about a grad student, a small business owner, a baker, a farmer, an environmental technician, a… trust fund baby?*... and, later, a former dictator. Yes, there are some kid characters, but the primary cast are all young adults who’ve reached adulthood and found themselves having to learn over and over again all sorts of shit they really ought to have known by now but don’t. It is, in short, a story about Millennials: an entire generation who reached adulthood not knowing what that meant or how to cope. Every time you laugh at the characters and go “how do they not know this [obvious thing that is obvious to adults]” you do so while watching a children’s cartoon rather than paying your taxes because you’re still not sure how to do that properly and are just low-key freaking out about it and hoping the problem goes away on its own. I speak from experience. The list in endless: we might ridicule the ponies ignorance at social graces, but i’ve been on this hellsite long enough that I’m pretty sure most of you are social-anxious neurotics who cock-up just as often and just as spectacularly as any pony on the show.

I’ve grown up in-sync with these characters. I’ve seen them go from floundering at 20 to sorta getting their act together and coming to grips with adult life as they reach 30. I’ve seen them become successful, get new jobs, start new careers. There have been episodes about how to deal with parents who embarrass you, how to get your parents to understand that you’re an adult now and want to be treated that way. There str stories about how to handle deadbeat older brothers who won’t stop mooching off your emotional labour, and how to mourn parents who’ve died. There are also stories about the byzantine nature of school regulation. (If next season is all about Twilight Sparkle reforming the Equestrian tax code it will be entirely in keeping with the adult-life-trend the show has been on for a while.)

My point with all this is that the “liking the kid’s show” narrative is disingenuous in the way it frames fans as creepy. To get tu quoque about it all I could raise my hand and point at all you adults gushing about all these kid protagonists in your favourite cartoon shows and go “Isn’t that CREEPY and GROSS you DEVIANTS” and on and on and on.

But I won’t.

Because it was never really about that, was it? It’s never been about that.

It was, at first, about what it was and wasn’t okay for boys - for men - to like. As a kid who’d been mercilessly bullied for being even the tiniest bit effeminate, openly embracing the fact that I liked this show about the colourful cartoon ponies felt like painting a target on my back. As for the boys younger than me - the boys still in high school in 2010 and 2011 who openly embraced this show? Braver than any US marine. When this all started it was about policing what was ‘appropriate’ for boys - nobody gave the adult Transformers fandom the same kind of shit, I assure you. It was about patriarchy - and how unwilling we all were to let go of it, no matter how progressive we told ourselves we were. Just like any moral panic, it developed a far more disturbing tone of disapprobation because if a handful of fans on 4chan were creepy than surely all the fandom was creepy. I’ve had plenty of fun mail in my inbox as people with cartoon avatars told me my opinion was invalid because I had an avatar from a different cartoon show. If I had an MP avatar that made me a “brony,” which made me a creepy MRA edgelord. Never mind that I don’t even use the term, and haven’t since… well, since the grossest elements of 4chan got it tattooed on their phalluses and trumpeted it to the heavens as the calling card of their misogyny.

There was a moment, I think, back in the halcyon days of 2010 and 2011 where we could have taken this another way. Where, socially, the rise of boys watching ‘the girl’s show’ was treated as a breakthrough, as a paradigm shift, as something to be celebrated and nurtured instead of something to revile like an anti-homosexual PSA from the 1950s. “Can’t let the adult men near that children’s show, who knows what might happen. They might repeat the trends that all fandoms have done for decades upon decades - the horror!”

We could have been better - but we weren’t. We mocked, and clutched our pearls, and looked appalled, and in doing so we fed the trolls all the ammunition they’d ever need to turn themselves into The Poor Oppressed Babies who just wanted to be left alone to watch their ponies and belittle women in peace. So the gender-questioning bi boy trying to feel good about himself got rounded-up with the usual 4chan suspects because we both enjoyed the same television program.

Patriarchy is not an external force with its boot upon our necks: it is a collaborative social effort, reinforced both consciously and sub-consciously every day. The internet of the early 2010s was a very different place, and the decisions we made then still live with us today. If we want to stop the perpetuation of toxic masculinity, we have to ourselves cease to perpetuate it. There’s an entire generation of queer boys and non-binary boys and non-bro cis-boys - the kind who cry and care and give a shit about kindness - who have grown up on Steven Universe and Adventure Time and yes, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. These are boys who deserve to have a better place prepared for them than I had, one that isn’t still littered by the baggage of all the dumb stupid crap from 2010 and 2011.

It’s time to let the ghost of Toxic 4chan Fandoms Past go already, and let this show about cartoon ponies be free to entertain and delight without incurring a moral inquisition. Life is so bad right now, the news is so dire. Curl up with My Little pony: Friendship is Magic and let all its goodness, and kindness, and laughter, and caring carry you away and remind you that we can still tell stories about worlds in which those virtues are treasured. Let the show stand on its actual merits, and not the cultural lodestones of long-gone reprobates. And stop granting the phantoms of 4chan the power to say anything meaningful in 2019.

_________________ *Serious question: what does Fluttershy do for a living? Like, as her job? For most of the series? She’s the only one who doesn’t have a meaningful career, and after meeting her enabling parents you just know she’s been living off pre-existing savings for years (she’s thrifty like that).

[Note: this post was originally posted in this thread. It has since been re-edited and slightly modified.]