bellaelisabeth95

[bellaelisabeth95]

adulthood is just a constant struggle of, “man, i want cookies for breakfast, but I also recognize this is a bad nutritional decision.  On the other hand, the only one who can stop me is me.  i know that fucker’s weaknesses.  i could totally take me in a fight.”

[bellaelisabeth95]

This is why the perfectionists was a horrible idea

   Who didn’t see this coming? I told y’all this was going to be a mess. This show, and a large part of its fandom, needed to fade into oblivion. Not be resurrected. See, Marlene King, this is the problem with rewarding bullies. With not calling them out. They learned last time that they got what they want by torment and harassment. So why wouldn’t they turn to that this time when they weren’t getting their way? Maybe if you had addressed this from the beginning, this wouldn’t be happening now and you could write the show you wanted instead of having to cater to a bunch of mean teen girls that you fear.    Am I horrified by what these fans continue to do? Yes.  Do I feel sorry for Marlene? I have to admit that I don’t. Not even a little. I dislike her, yes, and what they’re doing now is wrong, but she is not a victim. You know the book Frankenstein? When you create monsters you don’t get to be shocked when they turn on you. She is not  victim. Every single member of the original show had the chance to stand up against this and put this to rest. They didn’t.    Freeform, please, for the love of the universe, cancel this show. Let it be laid to rest and forgotten. Like it should have been from the beginning.

[bellaelisabeth95]

I have a few things to say to this. A) yikes. B) the worst, most dismissive doctor I have ever had was a cis female. My regular GYN is a cis female, but on the one occasion I needed an emergency appointment and had to see the male doctor in her practice, he was great. I’m sure some are power hungry assholes, but that’s because that’s who they are, regardless of the jobs they ended up in. To broadbrush all male gynecologists as this is....... just yikes. And C) it’s not as simple as saying “I’m gonna be a gynecologist” and that’s that. A lot of people don’t understand that when you are ready to pick a specialty, sometimes there’s only certain ones available. Sometimes you don’t get much of a say and you end up where there’s room for you to complete a residency. This extreme attitude is exactly what gives men ammunition to discredit feminists as being crazy extremists who hate men. Which, of course, intelligent people know isn’t true. But I hate that this kind of behavior gets associated with the rest of us.

why do men want to be gynecologists? why? why. gynecology is for females and should be practiced solely by women imo 

[bellaelisabeth95]

Finding Us Chapter 2

Paige was relieved that she and Emily had talked about the kiss she had shared with Nate. It still made Paige’s skin crawl to think about it, but she thought it really said something that Emily had owned up to it. As far as she knew, Paige hadn’t seen it, and there was no reason to confess. But she had, and maybe it was just what Paige wanted to believe, but she thought the reason she had suggested before made sense. She knew Emily had always loved Maya, and she always would. That was okay. It hadn’t even been that long, and sometimes Paige wondered if she had gotten into a relationship too fast. But then there were the times that Emily told her she had never thought she would smile again. So maybe this was exactly what she needed.   For real, though, Nate needed to drop off the face of the earth. He was annoying, constantly popping up everywhere (maybe she had been right to be jealous at Jenna’s party), and she wasn’t sure why he was still hanging around. She wouldn’t say this to Emily, but she thought he cared a little much to be Maya’s cousin. Sure, she loved her cousins, but if one of them was murdered she wouldn’t go latch on to an ex. She thought maybe he could be lying about who he was, but why?   He didn’t matter, though. Emily wanted to be with her. She didn’t have to worry about him. Considering how anxious she had been meeting up with Emily this morning, she felt very relaxed now.   She said good bye to Emily and went to chain up her bike in front of the school. When she looked up, she was startled to see Spencer staring at her. Not in a friendly manner, either. There was some blonde woman with her whom Paige didn’t think she recognized. She looked too old to be a student.   Why was Spencer staring at her? So far she hadn’t had much interaction with Emily’s friends, but she and Spencer didn’t have the best history. She knew Spencer hated her from back when they used to play field hockey together. And true, maybe she did have…… aggressive tendencies, although she thought those had gotten much better. Spencer didn’t know enough about her to be staring her down like that.   She stood up, debating whether or not she should go say something to her. Spencer turned away, making the decision for her. She didn’t want to be late for homeroom, and she certainly didn’t want to be getting into fights with Emily’s friends. So, deciding to just ignore it, she headed inside.

*****

  “I have a Nate problem,” Emily told Spencer when she found her standing outside of the locker room, looking uptight as usual. “I think I may have led him on.”   “Forget about Nate. Has Paige mentioned Ali to you?”   “What? No.”   “I was talking to Cece and-.”   “Of course,” Emily replied with a sneer. “Cece.”   “Em, they didn’t know each other in passing. They were in a war,” Spencer replied, and Emily gritted her teeth. She should have known Spencer wasn’t going to be supportive of this. She was too opinionated. She would literally throw away her relationships before admitting she was wrong.   “This figures. Suddenly Cece swoops in, and-.”   “This has nothing to do with Cece. Ali was in a feud with someone we both know has a bit of a dark side.”   “What is that supposed to mean?” Emily asked, trying to keep her anger in check.   “Let’s not forget this girl once tried to drown you,” Spencer replied. “I don’t think that was a love dunk.”   “There were other issues going on in her life back then!”   “Yeah, like being sneaky!” Spencer exclaimed. “I’m not calling her a snake, but-.”   “I’m late for practice,” Emily snapped, and she brushed past her without another word. She was practically fuming, throwing her bag angrily onto the bench. She was so caught up in what Spencer had said that she didn’t even realize Paige was already there.   “Em? What’s wrong?”   “Oh. Paige,” she replied, her anger fading. “I’m sorry.”   “What happened?” she asked, her brown eyes filled with worry. Emily suddenly wanted to cry. She knew more about Paige’s struggles than anyone, and she hated the people judging her without knowing her. That included her own friends.   “Nothing. Just a fight with Spencer,” she replied. A strange look crossed Paige’s face.   “I don’t think she likes me.”   “Why would you say that?” Emily asked. Was it possible she had overheard?   “We don’t have a good history, Em. Before I caught her staring at me like I was carrying smallpox or something.” Paige looked at her. “What was the fight about? You can tell me.”   Emily looked away. Paige sighed.   “I thought as much. Em, I don’t-.”   “No. Fuck her,” Emily replied bitterly. “She’s been so unsupportive lately. You’d think she’d want me to be happy.”   “Yes, you would,” Paige agreed. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to come between you and your friends.”   “You’re not,” Emily replied, hugging her. She was becoming addicted to the feeling of Paige in her arms. “I’m not going to that dumb trunk show. Come to my house after school and we’ll get takeout.”   Paige smiled, nodding. After one more kiss they headed to the pool. Emily definitely needed to work off some of her anger.   After practice, they were ambushed by Hanna as they were leaving the school.   “Hey! You’re coming tonight, right?” she asked.   “No,” Emily replied as Paige looked away awkwardly. Hanna looked shocked.   “Em! Why?”   “Because Spencer’s a bitch,” she replied. “Besides, Paige and I have plans.”   “But-.”   “I’ll call you tomorrow, Hanna,” Emily replied. Hanna shrugged.   “Well, okay. But you and Spencer need to make up.”   Emily wasn’t in the mood for that. She was looking forward to her night with Paige, and she was surprised by the suggestion she made when she got back from getting their food.   “You need to go to the trunk show tonight,” she told Emily. “And I need to go with you.”   “What? Why?”   “Because. If we stay holed up here, I’m the problem they think I am. Which is someone who wants to take you away from them.”   “I don’t care what they think.”   “I do,” Paige replied. “And I think you do, too.”   Emily sighed. She was right. She could play angry all she wanted, but her friends were important to her. Plus, she was a little curious about Paige’s history with Ali. Before, when she had asked, Paige had gotten very defensive. Emily didn’t think that was suspicious. Ali had been terrible to almost everyone, and the story was probably embarrassing. That surely didn’t qualify her as a suspect.   “Okay,” she agreed. “You’re a good sport, Paige.”   “I want your friends to like me. We all know I’ve done things I’m not proud of. I want a chance to show them I’m better.”

  “I think you’re great.”

  “I know, and that’s sweet. But you love your friends and I couldn’t bear the thought of you losing them on my account. Come on. Let’s go.”

  Emily reluctantly agreed. Although she thought it was sweet how much Paige cared. Maybe this would win over her friends. Paige could be charming when she wanted to be.

  When they arrived, Spencer and Hanna were already there. Paige offered Spencer a friendly hello, as Emily muttered hers. Spencer looked shocked that she had brought Paige.

  “I hope you don’t mind,” Emily told her smugly. “I brought a guest.”

  Spencer didn’t answer. Cece recovered first.

  “The more the merrier. Emily, I have the perfect dress for you to try on.”

  She was worried about leaving Paige alone with them while she put the dress on. She hoped they would be able to be civil. Or maybe Spencer would apologize.

  She was surprised when Paige showed up with something else for her to wear.

  “Trying to sneak a peek?” She teased. Paige blushed.

  “Hanna said for you to try this on,” she replied. Emily frowned.

  “They wanted me to wear this,” she replied as she and Paige went back out front.

  “Em…… you look stunning.”

  “Thank you, Paige,” she replied, smiling at the way Paige’s tongue was hanging out of her mouth. The smile faded when she saw Spencer and Hanna turn around, looking guilty. She realized immediately what they were doing. Looking through Paige’s bag.

  Furious, she strode over to them, snatching it away.

  “Paige, we’re leaving.”

  “Emily-.”

  “No, don’t be so forgiving,” she replied. Tears of anger threatened to start spilling down her cheeks. “I’m changing and then we’re leaving.”

  Paige followed her back to the dressing room, rightfully not wanting to be alone with them. Emily was so mad she couldn’t even think straight. More than mad, though. She was hurt. She couldn’t believe her friends were treating her new girlfriend like this, especially after what had happened with Maya. Hadn’t they insisted they just wanted her to be happy? Well, it didn’t seem like it. Spencer was letting whatever petty reason she had for not liking Paige get in the way of supporting her friend.

  “Are you okay?” Paige asked meekly. Her eyes were sad.

  “I’m so sorry,” Emily replies, hugging her tightly.

  “I’m okay,” Paige replied bravely. Emily smiled, touching her cheek, and in that moment she realized something important. She was in love with Paige. A few months ago she never would have thought loving someone or being happy would be possible. But it was, and she was doing it.

  Emily wondered when would be the right time to tell her. But for now, she just wanted to get home.

  They went to Emily’s house since no one was home for the night. She wondered if Paige would be open to staying. Or……. if she would be ready for something Emily had in mind.

  It was a nice early fall night, so they made tea and sat together on the porch. Emily looked at Paige, who looked deep in thought.

  “I’m sorry,” she offered again.

  “Don’t be. I made you go.”

  “This whole thing with Cece started-.”

  “It started with Alison,” Paige replied. Emily looked at her in surprise. Was she going to open up?   She hadn’t been expecting anything Paige told her, tears sparkling in her eyes the whole time. Emily didn’t know why she was surprised. Alison had been a horrible person. She had tormented everyone else, so why not Paige? Emily just couldn’t bear to hear the pain in her voice. See the tears pouring down her cheeks. Paige telling her that she was completely alone would haunt her forever, she decided as she wrapped her arms around her crying girlfriend. Tears were sliding down her own cheeks. She was heartbroken, and in the moment, she didn’t just hate Ali. She was pretty sure she hated Spencer for dredging this up again.   Emily didn’t know how long they sat there, wrapped in each other’s arms. It was cold, and the wind had started picking up, but neither of them made any move to go inside. Emily wanted to hold Paige in her arms forever. To make sure she never felt any kind of hurt again. How did she make that a reality?   “Thank you for telling me,” she finally said. Paige sniffed, wiping her eyes.   “I didn’t mean to break down like that.”   “Paige. I’m glad you told me. I am so, so sorry for everything Spencer did. Hanna too, but I’m sure it was all Spencer’s idea.”   “Well……. I don’t blame Spencer for not liking me.”   “No, don’t excuse her. She’s holding onto some old grudge.”   “That story isn’t as exciting,” Paige replied. Emily was glad to see her smile. “She was mad I…… roughed Alison up a little once in soccer practice. I guess I do have some anger problems. I like to think they’ve gotten better since……”   “Since you came out?” Emily asked. She smiled.   “Exactly.”   “That makes sense. I remember what it was like. Keeping that secret. It made me angry, too.”   “I’m just saying…… as much as I want your friends to like me, and I’m hurt by what happened, they’re coming from a place of love. They don’t trust me, and I understand. They only want to be sure you don’t get hurt.”   Emily knew she was right. As annoyed as she was, and while Spencer did have a personal issue with Paige, Emily knew she was just concerned about her safety.   “You’re amazing, Paige. You’re amazing and I love you.”   Paige’s eyes widened in surprise. Emily was expecting her to look away, and she didn’t disappoint.   “You do?”   “I do. So much.”   “I love you, too,” she whispered, looking up. They kissed passionately, holding one another again.   Emily was scared, she realized as they kissed. She was scared that she had allowed herself to fall in love again. She knew that she couldn’t let herself lose Paige.   “Do you want more tea?” Emily asked when they pulled apart. Paige smiled, and Emily was glad to see the sadness on her face was gone.   “No, I’m good. I’m going to wash my face,” she replied, and Emily nodded. Paige disappeared inside, and that was when Emily noticed Jenna standing there. She jumped, starled.   “Jenna?”   “I need to talk to you about your friend,” she started, and Emily frowned. Jenna stared at the two mugs on the porch. “Oh. I didn’t realize you weren’t alone.”   Emily stood up, alarmed by her behavior. Was she trying to warn her about Paige, too? Why was everyone being so dumb about this whole thing? She had sort of known Paige all through high school, and their little fued back during junior year was the only time Emily had seen her bad side. What did they all know that she didn’t?   “Just be careful who you spend time with,” Jenna told her, and Emily stared as her hurried off to a car, where a taxi driver was loading her things into the trunk. It looked like she was leaving town. She didn’t have time to pry, though. Paige had come back onto the porch and was looking at her. The last thing Emily wanted was for Paige to think someone else was telling Emily not to trust her.   Emily went back to the porch, giving one more glance at Jenna’s car. Then the two of them went inside.   “What was that about?” Paige asked.   “Jenna’s leaving town for a while. She was saying goodbye,” she replied. Paige nodded.   “Oh.”   “Paige?”   “Yes?”   Emily took a deep breath. But she knew she was ready for what she was about to ask.   “Will you stay tonight?” she asked. Paige’s eyes widened. Emily waited with baited breath for her answer. Finally, she nodded.   “Yes.”

[bellaelisabeth95]

Finding Us Chapter 1

A/N: Soooo I’m about to get a new laptop and I found this old story I wrote a whole bunch of chapters for years ago but never posted. Given what I spied last week about the Perfectionists through social media, I figured why not post it? This is a mostly canon story starting at 3x05 with the exception that Alison is really dead. Because honestly that was always the way I thought it should have been, even when I wrote this years ago and the ship wars hadn’t gotten out of hand. Rated M eventually. I found 10 chapters for this. Here’s the first one, and I’ll post more if you all are interested. I still don’t own pretty little liars (thankfully lol). Hope you enjoy!

  “You’ve been in a mean mood all day, Emily,” Hanna Marin complained as she, Spencer Hastings, Aria Montgomery, and Emily Field sat at their table in the cafeteria. Emily shot her friend a nasty look, even though she knew it was true. But she couldn’t help it. She had been trying to move on from Maya’s death, and yesterday she had finally gotten up the courage to ask Paige McCullers to see the Katy Perry movie with her. She had Paige had an……. Interesting history, and she had always felt like things between them were unfinished. She had never been happy with the way she had left them, yelling at Paige because she wasn’t ready to come out. How unfair had that been? She had been afraid to tell her own parents, and Paige’s parents were far more…… traditional than hers. She felt ashamed every time she thought about it, and she had always been meaning to set things right. Now felt like a better time than ever, and if it turned into something more, she thought she might finally be ready for that. Only there was one problem. Jenna Marshall was having her fake “I got my eyesight back” party at the Brew, and her boss was forcing her to work it. At the same time she and Paige were supposed to be going to their movie.   “Shut up, Hanna.”   “No, she’s right,” Spencer agreed. “What’s wrong?”   Emily huffed. She wasn’t sure she wanted to tell her friends. She knew Spencer hated Paige, and she didn’t feel like her friends dumping all over her right now.   “Jenna’s stupid party,” she started, and Aria snorted.   “I’m going. Just cause of Laurel Tuckman.”   “Well, my boss is making me work it. And I was supposed to go to a movie with Paige and I feel like a total loser bailing.”   “Paige?” Spencer shouted as Aria and Hanna gaped at her. “Like, crazy Paige? Who tried to drown you?”   “Will you lower your voice?” she snapped. The last thing she needed was for Paige to hear that. “She never tried to drown me. Stop blowing what happened out of proportion because you have your own issues with her.”   “Yeah, because she’s-.”   “Spencer, stop,” Aria cut in, and Emily looked at her gratefully. Aria always was the peacekeeper. “You’re not being fair. You know she wasn’t trying to drown anyone. Maybe if we got to know Paige, we’d like her. Emily’s disappointed about this and it doesn’t help to make her feel worse.”   “Thank you, Aria,” Emily replied, shooting a nasty look at Spencer. Spencer looked down.   “She’s right. I’m sorry.”   “Anyway, continue,” Hanna replied. “That’s why you’re cranky?”   “Yes! I always hated the way I left things. I always thought there was potential with us, and I…… I’m ready to move on. But she’s so….. Timid? She would barely look at me when I asked her the other day.”   “That’s weird,” Aria replied. “She’s obviously still so into you. She always has been.”   “She probably thinks I hate her,” Emily sighed. “I’ve been not so great to her.”   “I think that makes you two even,” Spencer sniffed. Hanna and Aria looked at her. “What?”   “Anyway,” Aria started. “I’m sure Paige will understand. I’m sure she was invited to Jenna’s party, too. Maybe she can come keep you company.”   “Yeah, that’s romantic.”   “Look, Em, she’ll understand,” Hanna told her. “Offer a rain check. Make it clear that you’re still interested.”   “Yes,” Aria agreed. “Make sure she knows you’re not just flaking.”   “Yeah, okay,” Emily agreed, sighing. “I’ll tell her after school.”   She glanced at Spencer, who was pretending to be very busy with the sandwich she was eating. If she did start dating Paige, what would happen between them? Would Spencer grow to like her? Or would the two of them drift apart?

*****

  To her relief, Paige was very understanding about the whole thing. Or, at least, she seemed to be. Emily took her friends’ advice and made it clear to Paige that she did still want to see her. When Paige came over after school, she even called the theater to ask if they could use the tickets next week instead. Luckily, they said yes.   “I’m so sorry,” Emily told her. “It’s so embarrassing that I made these plans with you and then I had to bail.”   “Em, it’s okay,” Paige replied, smiling. She looked so cautious, surely waiting for Emily to change her mind. Emily felt bad about that, but she didn’t blame her. She saw Paige in a different light than Spencer did. Spencer saw Paige as some horribly aggressive outcast. Maybe she was aggressive sometimes, but Emily knew there were other reasons for that. She saw Paige as an awkward girl still coming to terms with her sexuality. Someone who just wanted to be liked. “It will be just as fun next week.”   They looked at each other for a moment. Then Paige looked away.   “Anyway, I’ll still get to see you,” she continued. “I was kind of surprised Jenna invited me. We’ve never been friends, but…… I don’t know, I’m really happy for her.”   Emily bit her lip. Paige had no idea.   “I’m going to check the closet for another tie,” she sighed as she threw the clip on one onto her bed. “This isn’t working. Can you look in the drawer?”   “Sure,” Paige replied, seemingly glad to have something to do. Emily froze when she pulled the flask out, an excited look on her face. “What’s this?”   “Uh……..” The last time she had drank from that flask, nothing good had happened. “Take it. I don’t want it.”   “Cool,” Paige replied, looking at it with glee in her eyes. Emily bit back a chuckle. She figured it was probably pretty hard for a deacon’s daughter to sneak alcohol into the house.   “Listen, Paige…… I just want you to know that I really do want to spend time with you. I don’t want you to think……”   “I don’t,” Paige replied, but Emily knew she saw relief in her eyes. “I promise.”

*****

  Paige was feeling pretty good when she got back to her house. She hid the flask in her room and sat on the bed with her history book open, even though she was just thinking about Emily. She believed that Emily really wanted to give her another chance. And she would NOT screw it up this time. She promised herself that.   It seemed too good to be true that Emily Fields was giving her a second chance. How many nights had she cried over how badly she had messed things up last time? Emily noticing her at all had always been a distant dream, and she never stopped beating herself up for letting her slip away. She still felt guilty for trying to kiss her that one night, especially after Maya had turned up dead. And then there was that other night, when Emily had kissed her.   But did she even remember? At first Paige had thought she was ignoring her, but she realized Emily really didn’t remember. Especially because now she was making such an effort to reconcile. Maybe subconsciously, the night Emily had shown up at her house, she had wanted her. Or maybe that was too much to hope for.   She squirmed with guilt when she thought about that night right before school had started. She didn’t think Emily remembered showing up at her house and kissing her. She must have been that drunk. Paige didn’t know if she should tell her. Emily might hate her for it. But was it right to keep it a secret?   She didn’t know what to do. A year ago, she had never even dreamed of telling anyone her secret. But  Emily had been too irresistible. And losing her had encouraged Paige to come out to her parents so it would never happen again. Now she once again had a chance with her dream girl.   “Don’t mess it up this time,” she muttered to herself.

*****

  The party was a disaster, Emily thought as she looked out into the darkened room in dismay. The party was as boring as she thought it would be. Jenna irritated the crap out of her. Nate wouldn’t leave her alone. And she suspected that had Paige pissed off. She seemed mad that she had gone to talk to Nate, when really, Emily just wanted to ask what the hell he was doing there. She found it strange that Jenna would invite him. But then again, none of them understood anything Jenna did. All she knew was everything was going exactly the way she didn’t want. She didn’t even have Aria to talk to, because she was running around doing her own secret thing that she hadn’t shared.   She hadn’t realized Paige had been drinking until she was standing next to Jenna, watching her jab her finger into a cupcake, lick it, and then jab it back in. Suddenly her angry behavior all night made a lot more sense.   “What is she doing?” Jenna asked angrily as they strode towards her. “What are you doing?”   “Looking for a coconut,” Paige replied, licking more frosting off her fingers. Emily stared at her in shock. “These vanilla ones are gross.”   “Stop it!”   “I’m not gonna stop til I find a coconut,” she replied indignantly. “These cupcakes taste like old pennies.”   “Can I get you some coffee?” Emily cut in. Paige glowered at her.   “Really? Finally, you have time for me?” she asked, her words slurred. Emily was surprised that her talking to Nate made her that jealous. Did it make Paige think she was hung up on Maya? That wasn’t it, but Paige was in no state for her to explain that. “Fine. Let’s dance.”   “I can’t dance. I’m working,” she replied. The look on Paige’s face told her that was the wrong thing for her to say.   “Fine. I’ll dance by myself.”   Emily watched helplessly as Paige twirled away from her, still sucking on her fingers. But then she tripped- just over her own feet since she was obviously wasted- and crashed to the ground, taking some statue with her. Emily was at her side in an instant, frantically asking if she was okay. Paige groaned in response, holding a bloody gash on her head. Suddenly Nate was there too, and Emily wanted to snap at him to just get lost, but she was too worried about Paige. So she let him help her up and lead her outside, glad that he could at least drive them to the hospital so she could sit with Paige in the backseat.

*****

  Paige wanted to thank Emily for being so nice to her as they rode to the hospital, but she was too tired and dazed to say anything. She felt so weird, and her head really hurt. She didn’t remember feeling like this the last time she had been drunk. She hadn’t even had that much tonight. Just a little from the flask she had brought with her. Why did she feel so awful?   She had surely done it this time. She wondered how she always managed to squander a great opportunity like this. Maybe it was in her DNA.   “We’re almost there, Paige,” Emily told her gently. “You’ll be okay.”   She closed her eyes as her stomach churned. She wanted to go home and get into bed.   “Em…..”   “Shhh,” she whispered. “We’re here. I’ll help you out.”   The sudden movement of getting out of the car sent an uncontrollable wave of nausea over her, and she vomited onto the sidewalk. Even with how bad she felt, she was mortified. Yeah, Emily would definitely be done with her now.   “That’s okay,” Emily told her. “Come on, they can give you something for your head.”   They went into the emergency room, where she was brought to a cubicle right away. She half wanted her mom, and half knew her dad would kill her when he found out. None of that would be worse than the fact that she had messed things up again with Emily.

*****

  Emily laid awake almost half the night, thinking about the fact that she had accidentally drugged Paige. That she had been drugged herself the night she had dug up Ali’s grave. Someone had done that on purpose. A, she was sure.   She jumped as her phone rang. Spencer. She debated not answering, because she was sure Hanna had gone running right to her after their conversation earlier. But against her better judgment, she did.   “Hello?”   “Emily. I heard about what happened before.”   “And?” she asked coldly.   “I’m not going to say anything mean. I just want to make sure you’re okay. Hanna told me about the drugs.”   “Yeah. A, I guess. I had no idea. And then I gave the flask to Paige, and…….”   “Is she okay?”   “Yeah. But when she finds out that the drugs were in my flask, she’ll probably think I drugged her.”   “She would never think that.”   “What do I tell her? I can’t tell her the truth.”   “No, I guess not. Maybe she won’t figure it out.”   “I don’t think that’s likely,” Emily replied sadly. “I made an attempt to move on, and I don’t think it’s going to work.”  

*****

Things with Paige were somehow even more awkward than they had been before Emily had asked her to the Katy Perry movie. They had talked a little in the hallway, but not much more than that. Emily was sure Paige was avoiding her. Who could blame her? Surely by now she had figured out where the drugs had come from. Did she think that Emily had done it on purpose? She guessed she couldn’t blame her if she did.   After talking a little with Nate (was he ever going to leave? Maybe it was just her paranoia, but she thought he cared a little too much for a cousin), she went to Paige’s house to talk to her before school. She found Paige in her backyard next to her pool, working on her bike. She didn’t look up even with Emily standing right there until she cleared her throat loudly.   “Em. Hi.”   “How are you feeling?”   “I felt bad for a while, but I’m better now,” she replied, standing up.   “I think we need to talk,” she started.   “No. We don’t,” Paige replied, sounding almost desperate.   “How about after school?” Emily asked/   “I can’t today.”   “Tomorrow then,” Emily replied firmly. She needed Paige to listen to her. Paige looked like she was debating in her head, and then sighed.   “Okay.”   “Good,” Emily replied, relieved. There was nothing else to say, so she left Paige there, feeling only slightly better. Sometimes it felt like the universe didn’t want them to work out.   “Where were you?” Hanna asked when she finally showed up to Aria’s locker with just five minutes to spare before homeroom.   “I got a late start,” she replied. “Didn’t hear my alarm.”   “Well, you missed half of my story about Caleb,” Hanna replied irritably, and the annoyance on Spencer’s face showcased how she felt perfectly.   “Sorry, Hanna. Aria can fill me in,” she replied, and Aria glared at her. Emily gave her an apologetic look.   “Well, anyway……”   Emily zoned out, not hearing a word she said. She had her own problems. Paige. A. Nate. Getting into Maya’s website. That was the only time she was interested in hearing Caleb’s name right now, as selfish as that sounded. She just desperately needed some stability in her life.   At lunch she tried to find Paige, but she didn’t see her. She tried not to feel too hurt that Paige was obviously avoiding her. Maybe, if she could explain, everything would be okay.

*****

  Her talk with Emily had gone exactly the way she had expected. Paige was crying by the time she got back to her house, glad that she was alone to just let her guilt and shame consume her. Emily had gone with her on a run, where of course, they had ended up talking about the flask. Paige had realized it had been the only way she could have been drugged. She had also known that it couldn’t have been Emily’s doing. She didn’t know who was responsible, but whoever it was had been trying to hurt Emily.   She had admitted the kiss to Emily. Which she felt even worse about now, since Emily had been drugged that night. She hadn’t been able to read Emily’s emotions. Disgust? Regret? Confusion? Paige hadn’t been surprised when she had walked away, and she wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to speak to her again. Why had she kissed her back that night? She knew something wasn’t right. She hadn’t in her wildest dreams imagined Emily was drugged, but she knew she wasn’t sober. It hadn’t been right to kiss her.   She sat on the chair by her pool, her head in her hands. She was too sad to move. Too disgusted with herself. She would just have to move on.   She couldn’t contain her surprise when later that night Emily came back. Paige looked at her, terrified of what she was going to say, as a gentle night breeze blew around them.   “I’m sorry,” she offered helplessly. The look on Emily’s face was surprisingly kind as she launched into a speech about that night, surely one that would end with her telling Paige she never wanted to see her again. But that wasn’t where it was going, and Paige was sure she was hearing wrong when Emily told her:   “I was looking for someone. And I came here.”   Paige looked down, embarrassed and overcome with relief. Emily didn’t hate her.   “Don’t look away,” Emily told her as she cupped her cheek, and when Paige looked back at her, they kissed. It was a glorious kiss, the most passionate, meaningful one they had ever shared. She never wanted it to end, and she lost track of how long they stood by the pool with their lips connected.   “Em….. are you sure?” she finally asked, and she screamed at herself internally, Don’t doubt, you moron!   “Of course I’m sure,” Emily replied, smiling as they gazed at each other. “I always felt like we weren’t finished. I’m sorry for how I left things. I was unfair to you, shaming you for not coming out when you weren’t ready.”   “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-.”   “Let’s stop apologizing,” Emily cut in, still smiling. “This is a fresh start.”   “Okay,” Paige agreed. “Hey. Wanna swim?”   “Yes!” Emily exclaimed, and Paige could only stare for a minute, enchanted by her beauty. Emily Fields wanted to be her girlfriend. “This isn’t a dream, Paige. I’m here. I want you.”   She didn’t know what to say to that. She still couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that even after all her screw ups, Emily wanted her.   Not long after they were swimming in Paige’s pool, practically naked, stopping every few feet to kiss. Paige didn’t think she could ever get tired of feeling Emily’s lips on hers.   “I’m getting cold,” Emily told her after a while, and Paige realized her teeth were chattering. It was cold; she had just been too distracted to notice it.   “Oh, Em…… I’m sorry. Let’s get out.”   They were shivering violently all the way up to Paige’s house as the cool night breeze hit their wet bodies Paige was nervous having Emily in her house while her parents were away, but she knew tonight wouldn’t be the night. She knew, without them saying anything, that they would take it slower than that. As badly as Paige wanted Emily, she had never been with someone intimately before, and she still needed some time to get used to the idea that Emily wanted her.   As she looked at Emily, she didn’t think that she could be happier.

[bellaelisabeth95]

The woman in that picture is literally leaning away like “get out of my space please.” Headphones are something a lot of women use to avoid being bothered. Just....... leave us alone.

Where to begin with all this

[bellaelisabeth95]

Wellll

I’m going through all the documents on my laptop because I’m about to get a new one and I’m finding lots of lost writing gems from years ago. Might post them after what happened on the perfectionists last week lol

[bellaelisabeth95]

Omg I love this thing

#are you kidding me?

[bellaelisabeth95]

uh yeah hi what we’re NOT gonna do is call marlene, a gay woman with a wife, homophobic and all kinds of other horrible, harmful shit just because your stupid ship is having issues which, HELLO, is what happens in DRAMA shows. what we’re NOT gonna do is post sasha’s address and say you’re going to through bricks through her windows for “lying” about emison being fine. literally what the fuck is wrong with you all? if i was marlene i would’ve broken them up a long time ago PURELY based on how fucking awful some of you are to her and the cast. if you’ve ever called any of them names or threatened them or took part in harassing lindsey shaw to the point of her attempting suicide over a fictional couple then you’re a fucking vile human being. being upset is one thing but basing your entire life around it and literally bullying people over it is disgusting. stop. just stop.

[bellaelisabeth95]

Marlene fucking did it. She broke up Emily and Alison. Sorry for the shippers who didn’t harass the writers and threaten cast members they didn’t like, but maybe now everything can finally move on and focus on the actual new content and storyline instead of clinging to the old.

Hahaha, just kidding. I’m sure there’s at least twenty death threats on Marlene’s most recent tweet right now. And ironically, that’s exactly why it’s a good thing that Em*son broke up.

[bellaelisabeth95]

A reminder of the toxicity that plagues the legacy of Marlene King and Pretty Little Liars

TW: Self harm and suicide

I know that this coming week starts the Pretty Little Liars spinoff “The Perfectionists,” also directed by Marlene King and starring two cast members from the original show. PLL has been over for years now, but that doesn’t mean some of its most…… passionate? fans have forgotten it. I know many of us haven’t. Who could forget the disaster that was the end of Pretty Little Liars, as a small but very loud subgroup of fans decided to viciously attack anyone who stood in the way of their beloved ship? Before I go any further, I want to make it clear that everyone knows it was not all emison fans. If you are a person who shipped emison but did not bully other cast members or fans, then I feel truly sorry that you were in the same group as them. And I thank you for not taking part in what some of them did.   

  The reason I’m making this post is because of the Lindsey Shaw Fiasco. I know every single PLL fan on social media knows what this is, regardless of who you shipped/didn’t ship. I want to make sure in light of MK’s new show no one forgets what happened to her, and what could happen again. Marlene King watched as one of her own actors, as well as many of the fans of her show, were mercilessly harassed and said NOTHING. In fact, she pandered to the same people doing the harassing. Both Shay Mitchell and Sasha Pieterse, the two parts of the emison ship, said nothing, despite the harassers being their fans. Now, maybe you’ll say all the ships had crazy fans. They did. But none like this one. Because these people went beyond the typical mean comments about looks or weight. These people aimed to cause real, true harm, and in some cases they almost succeeded. And now, after PLL being over for two years, with the chance for this rabid fanbase to lose their flame, another show targeted at the SAME PEOPLE is airing next week. Another chance to bring them together, to attack anyone they see as getting in the way of their ship.  

   Fans of the ship Paily were targeted. And even more so than us, Paige’s actress, Lindsey Shaw, was targeted the most relentlessly and disgustingly of all. Whether you are a fan of Lindsey’s or not, you cannot justify what happened to her. Not even if you still choose to believe she “supports Trump,” which she made clear she does not. As a fan of hers, I will agree it was dumb of her to joke about that, and I think she forgot that people don’t always get her sense of humor. Not to mention, there were always people who weren’t fans waiting to pounce. But did you ever stop to think about what led to that little breakdown? (I think right around this time 3 years ago). At that point, Lindsey had already been taking abuse for YEARS, although it certainly got worse as emison became a possibility. She would post something unrelated to the show and be flooded with “kill yourself”, “die pigskin,” and “drink bleach.” How long can someone take that kind of harassment without snapping a little? I was always impressed it didn’t happen sooner. It was clear to me, as well as many of her other fans, that she was going through something personal at the time, and all of the abuse on top of it was a little too much. This all came to a head March 2016. No one from the show said anything.   

  Fast forward to May 2016, when I lost every ounce of respect for every single cast member of PLL. I used to be a huge fan of Shay. That started fading as she failed to even acknowledge her Paily fans as time went on. It was obvious she cared far more about being popular than she did about standing up for her fans or a co-star she claimed to love. And I don’t know, maybe she and Lindsey had some kind of personal falling out. I always wondered if that was the case, because how else could they all be cold enough to ignore someone’s obvious suffering? Even if that is the case, it isn’t an excuse for her never speaking up. On one day in early May, Lindsey retweeted something that got a portion of the emison base in a frenzy, with them claiming she called Sasha ugly (the tweet did no such thing. It was calling Paily a beautiful couple). Anyway, they POUNCED with a level of venom I had never even seen before. It was horrifying. There were lots of death threats, calls for her to hurt herself. But the one that stood out most came from a user who I won’t name because I don’t want her to have the satisfaction. She literally started a petition with Lindsey’s twitter handle in it, telling people to RT to get her to commit suicide. To which Lindsey responded that she had already tried. Anyone outside of that small pocket of emisons was HORRIFIED, frantically tweeting Marlene, Shay, Troian, all the big name people from the show to address this. Even if they didn’t address Lindsey, to just make an overall statement about how this behavior wasn’t okay. Fans from every ship were taking part. I was sure Shay, or at least Marlene, would say something.

  None of them did. Not a single one. It was obvious at that point how much Lindsey was suffering. But still no one said a word.

  These are all adults. Grown women acting like a group of middle school bystanders, too cowardly to stand up for the bullied. There is no excuse for them never addressing this. Especially since with a new show, it’s likely to just start up where it left off. In glancing through instagram comments, these same fans have already found a new target: Evan Bittencourt. I don’t know who he is or why they hate him, and frankly I don’t care, because I’m sure it’s bogus, just like their reasons for hating Lindsey. The point is, just like I was afraid of the second I heard Marlene was doing another show, they have already found a new target. I have literally seen them refer to him as “The new Lindsey Shaw.” And anyone who watched PLL knows that’s not a good thing. Just some snooping has already revealed some pretty ugly tweets/comments, which I’m sure he is seeing. We saw first hand how over time being bombarded with hatred took its toll on someone who was once very proud and passionate about the character they played.

  Mental health is important. Suicide is very serious. I won’t even get into why seeing Lindsey’s tweet that night shattered my heart or why it to this day infuriates me that none of those women said anything. The fact that so many people think it’s a joke, or that it’s okay running around telling people to hurt themselves, will forever remain a mystery.

  Marlene shouldn’t be allowed to have another show after what she encouraged during her last one, and especially not one directed at the same group of fans. PLL needs to be dead and buried forever. No spinoffs. The show, and the people working on it, became toxic, and that same toxicity will be revived the moment these characters are brought back to life next week. Real people got hurt last time. Real people almost died. Think of how crazy and serious that is. I shudder to think what social media is going to look like once this gets under way, especially if the fans of the emison ship feel threatened. I know I will not watch even a second of this show. I hope it is short lived and these characters, and the toxicity they bring with them, can finally be put to rest.

  So what happens if things get bad again, Marlene? Will you say something? Will you ever try to make this right? We haven’t forgotten what you let happen to us, or happen to Lindsey. We will never forget how badly she was struggling personally, or that she was driven off social media because of your fans that you never EVER addressed. It breaks my heart what you let happen to her, and it breaks my heart that with this new show comes the opportunity for it to happen again. I hope you’ve become a better person since the Lindsey Shaw Fiasco. It’s too late for you to ever make that right, and honestly, I don’t think you have any desire to. But I do hope that you at least have enough remorse, however small it may be, to make sure it never happens again.

Please share this. Here, to twitter, instagram, everywhere. Let’s make sure we stand up this time.

[bellaelisabeth95]

Hi?

My first time on tumblr in years and I come back to a bunch of angry notifications that I have adult content on my blog. So...... hi everyone. I know I’ve been absent from everything for years now. Giving up social media has been great for my personal well-being, and I’m not sure how long I’ll be back here. I’m preparing a post I want as many people as possible to see in the light of the news pretty little liars is getting a spinoff, something I find very disappointing after the mess that happened towards the end of the original show. For personal reasons, the harassment and encouraging of self harm that was purposely ignored by the cast no matter how bad it got horrified me. It bothers me that Marlene King and everyone else walked away from that with their reputations intact, without ever having to answer for letting that go on. Now they have yet another show, which those same fans are already flocking around. I’ve done a bit of snooping over the past day, only to find out that it doesn’t look like they have changed at all. Not even after all of these years. And I suspect like last time, the same toxic behavior will be ignored, or even encouraged. So stay tuned for a well organized rant in the next few days about the bystander effect and why we shouldn’t let bullies or their enablers keep role model positions. When I post please feel free to share. I doubt it will reach anyone from the cast/crew, but I would love it if it did.

[bellaelisabeth95]

I wish people weren't so mean to Paige and especially Lindsey. And even more than that I wish Shay would stand up for her.

[bellaelisabeth95]

[bellaelisabeth95]

I'm dreading seeing what they do to Paige and the abuse Lindsey is bound to get.

Paige & Emily sneak peek 7x08

[bellaelisabeth95]

Hmmm so were they still shooting 7x11 today??? Cause she's in 7x12 too (NO I refuse to be dragged back in 😫)

Did anybody else catch this?

So is 7x11 the 7b premiere? Is that right? 7x10 is in my head as the 7a finale. Or is there another special episode? Im,so out of the loop. I just want to what episodes Lindsey is in. If this i right, then that’s 1 more added to the list. Someone correct me if I’m wrong. I’m so confused lol

[bellaelisabeth95]

Lmao they forgot the episodes after where Emily went back to Paige and sent Alison to jail to keep Paige with her. Oops.

Scene when Mona reminded Paige of the power Alison has over Emily. Can’t wait for Paige to come back to Rosewood and for the return of “Bitchy Ali” :D