#people started fearing him. Dream did not care. eventually Dream was called Shattered instead

[orange-artblog]

Dark Cream Week Day 5: Reward

MLP just because<3 Dark Cream Week by @zu-is-here

them alone bc I like the way I drew them

[1800-omi]

death’s bride.

characters: sukuna x f! reader

warnings/genre: angst, yn pov, abuse, some intrusive thoughts (?), choking, just sukuna being a toxic asshole

wc: 1.6k

prompt: “will you be mine?” He then pressed the blade deeper into my throat and asked, “will you be death’s bride?” and i stared back into his eyes and whispered, “yes.” (except i made some lil edits)

notes: bitches say theyre not sluts until sukuna comes up, i’m bitches

Being the eldest daughter, I always knew my responsibilities; Look after the younger kids, help mother with the chores, cook, et cetera. My family was never as privileged financially as other families in our town but we cared for each other, or at least that’s what I thought.

A couple of nights ago I overheard my parents talking about my father being in some sort of debt with someone really powerful, I don’t remember much from that night, what I do remember though is the fear in my father’s voice when he talked about this person. The next thing I knew, my mother was explaining to me how they’re going to have me get married to this man in order to pay my father’s debt. I am not sure how I felt about this at the time, I don’t think it matters anymore, I’m doing this for my family.

Right now, I’m alone in a carriage on the way to my husband’s home. I didn’t get to exchange a word with the coachman of the carriage and the windows are covered by curtains from the outside, I have no idea where this place is. This is definitely not how I had imagined my marriage would play out, but I guess it’s too late to lose all hope– maybe this man who I’m now going to call my husband is kind, generous, and honest. Maybe he will truly love me. My childhood dreams of finding real love are not shattered yet. I close my eyes thinking about my now-husband, slowly drifting away in a comfortable sleep.

I wake up to the coachman gently shaking my shoulder, his face is hidden under a mask. Once he sees I have awakened he quickly takes his hand off me as if he wasn’t supposed to be touching me in the first place.

“We have arrived.” He announces before getting off the carriage. “This will now be your new home.”

I slowly get out of the carriage and look at the huge mansion in front of me. This place radiates such a dark aura, and the mist of the early morning doesn’t give make it better.

I turn to the coachman, “Thank you.” He doesn’t reply, at first I’m not sure whether he heard me or not but I do not repeat myself. Instead, I walk towards the entrance where 2 maids seem to be waiting for me. For some reason, these maids are also wearing the same type of masks the coachman was wearing.

Upon walking inside my new home, I can’t help but look around at every detail of the place – from the marble floor to the murals on the ceiling. This place is gorgeous and so different from what I’m used to. Eventually, I’m lead to a huge bedroom to which the maids tell me is mine.

“Aren’t me and my husband going to be sleeping in the same room?” I ask only to receive what I assume to be a stare and no answer. After a few seconds of silence, they continue to tell me that my husband has invited me for dinner tonight and that the clothes I’m expected to wear are in the closet and they exit. I’m being invited to dinner in my own house, it’s weird to think about. Does this mean I won’t be having dinner with him every day? I have so many questions but no one willing to answer them. All I have left to do now is wait for dinner time to come into this room, which I was advised earlier not to exit.

I spend my day reading some of the books that were already on the shelves of my room and looking outside from the long and thin windows. I wonder what’s the reason for the shape of the windows, it’s almost as if they were made so that people could escape from them... No, that can’t be it. No one would feel the need to escape from here. The windows’ shape was probably a stylistic choice. Maybe my husband is a stylish person?

I look at the huge clock by the wall, I should start getting ready, it’s almost time. I open the closet and find a beautiful red dress in it, I take off my other clothes and carefully put it on. I don’t think I’ve ever worn clothes this soft, this dress must have been expensive. I never thought I would one day be looking at myself in the mirror and be wearing such luxurious clothes. I open the jewelry box on the shelf and pick out a necklace and put it on. Yes, this is it, he’ll love it. Now all that’s left to do is sit and wait.

Ultimately, one of the maids comes by to let me know they’ll be taking me to the dinner. My heart is beating quickly and I have a weird feeling in my stomach, I’m feeling a mix of stress and excitement. I’m finally going to meet the one I’ll spend the rest of my life with.

I get led into another very big room, this one has a big table in the middle of it along with many chairs. The maids tell me where to sit and instruct me on what I should do once their master enters the room.

While waiting, my stress can’t help but grow, I lightly tap my finger against the table until I hear the grand doors open. I immediately turn my gaze towards them to see a tall man in a light-colored kimono with a black edge. The kimono wasn’t the only thing standing out, this man also has some unique markings on his forehead, cheeks, and nose, I wonder if he has them around his body too. I quickly remember what the maids have told me and I bow to him. He doesn’t say a word and neither do I since I’ve been told not to speak unless spoken to. I hear his footsteps while I’m still bowing, is he approaching me? My heart speeds up as he puts his hand under my chin and lifts it, making me look at him. He looks down at me with his red eyes, meanwhile, I notice he’s got some markings on his wrists as well.

“Hm,” he finally speaks up, “you’re rather pretty, just like I’ve been told.” His voice is deep and husky, and quite scary if you ask me. “What is your name?” He asks.

“YN.”

“Hm, pretty name as well. Great, I won’t have to change it then.” Change it? If he didn’t like my name he would’ve just changed it?

His hand slowly went from holding my chin to being wrapped around my throat, making me gasp.

He then stared straight at my eyes, as he said, “will you be mine, YN?” He then tightened the grip around my throat and asked, “will you be death’s bride?” and I stared back into his devilish eyes and whispered, “yes.”

“Good.” He whispered back and smirked, holding my throat for a few more moments. Eventually, he lets go of my throat, in response to which I take deep breaths and continue to gasp for air. Is this what I’ll be going through every day? He ignores my struggling and takes a seat before starting to eat.

“Quit exaggerating, it wasn’t that bad.” He ordered and I eventually calmed down, before sitting back in my place. I look at the food in front of me and slowly start eating, choosing to ignore what just happened. Maybe there is some good in the man I still haven’t seen.

“Did anyone say you could start eating?” He asked, making me freeze. He lets out a sigh before continuing, ��I’ll give you a pass since it’s your first time. But I don’t want to see you making the same mistakes anymore or there will be consequences.”

I look at him in the eyes, “What consequences, my lord?” It probably wasn’t a good idea to ask him that, it probably isn’t a good idea to talk to him at all.

He grins at me before letting out a laugh, “You’ll join the other wives.”

Chills are sent down my spine by his response. Other? There are others? Or at least there were. Just how many other women did this man abuse? Most importantly what happened to them? All I am left to do is wonder since I doubt anyone will be willing to tell me about them. How did I end up here?

“Oh, you can leave now.” He speaks up again. I look at him, confused. “I have nothing else to say to you, you can leave.” He explains. He won’t even let me finish my dinner, but a part of me is thankful I don’t have to spend another minute in his presence. I get up and take a bow again before leaving the dining room. I ignore the maids and swiftly walk to my room by myself. After closing the door behind me I lay on the bed as tears start rolling down my cheeks. I can’t believe this is my life now, if he was capable of doing that the first time I met him, what will he be doing to be in the future? I am never going to be enough for this man. If his other wives weren't enough, nor am I. This can’t be happening! What have I done to deserve this? Do I have to live the rest of my life scared of this man? This man I’m now supposed to call my husband? I sob lightly and try to wipe my tears. I close my eyes trying to fall asleep, part of me hoping I won’t wake up again. The sleep I fall into that night was so different from the one I had back in the carriage. In that one, I dreamt of meeting someone with whom I’ll be happy, someone who’ll truly love me, in this sleep I see nothing but nightmares.

thank you for reading! reblogs are appreciated <3

[twelves-writings]

Sleep

Songfic based off “Sleep” by My Chemical Romance

(tw: suffocation, passing out)

They’re, they’re these terrors

And it feels as if someone was gripping my-

They’re, they’re not like tremors; they’re worse than tremors

They’re these ter-

Doc combed through the footage. There had to have been something there, anything. There was a reason for everything, across every world. Cause and effect. He knew correlation didn’t imply causation, but… there had to be something. He couldn’t've just… 

Doc sighed. He rewinded the video again, staring at the screen as he had for the past… How long has it been? Doc didn’t care. He scoured the footage, analyzing every pixel until his biological eye went numb. He didn’t care at what cost it came to him. There had be a sign, a message, a hint at what was to come. 

A voice nagged at the back of his head, telling him he need to rest. Don’t overwork yourself. Take a break. Go get something to eat. He would’ve wanted you to rest. 

Doc shook his head, erasing the thoughts from his head. There was no telling what he would have wanted. He was gone, and Doc was determined to get him back.

-~-

Another block of blackstone here, slab, block, redstone block… Wait, no; the redstone block goes over there. Or maybe… Beef rubbed his eyes, yawning as he picked up the offending block. It was getting late, the moon was nearly peaked, but he had to keep building. He just wanted to finish one more building in Three Fox Hole, then he would rest. Ah, that’s where the redstone block goes! And then the glass, and the other color of glass, and the other other color… 

Block after block was placed. Not much thought went into the details, but he’d do those later. He was always better at detailing the buildings in the morning. “Oh wait, Keralis is coming over tomorrow. Oh well; I guess I’ll finish them in the afternoon.” 

Beef was always glad to see his friends. He was hesitant about reaching out, about coming back, but Etho convinced him in the end. It was strange, Etho reassuring him when he refused to return to the server himself. Oh, Beef missed him. That was Etho’s choice, though, and Beef couldn’t and wouldn’t force anything upon him. With or without his old buddy, Beef was glad to be back on Hermitcraft. Especially after…

Beef kept building. Blackstone block, block, stair, polished block, glass, polished slab. The city was coming along nicely. Planning out the roads and buildings, filling them all in, and detailing them was all quite relaxing. It was the perfect way to start a new season. Beef stepped back from the building after placing the final slab. He was proud of himself. 

He wouldn’t be proud. 

“Yes he would,” he responded to his thoughts aloud. “Of course he would. I’m creating and detailing buildings. He loved that. He’d be proud.” 

They’re facades, fronts, empty shells. 

“I’ll fill them in eventually.” 

Fill yourself in first. 

Beef squeezed his eyes shut with a sigh. Knowing he wouldn’t win to his thoughts tonight, he kept building. 

Rest. 

There were always other buildings to work on. 

Rest. 

Details needed to be added. 

Rest. 

Mobs that could bring this city to life. 

Rest.

Beef began work on yet another building. He could’ve sworn he heard whispers from behind him, but wrote it off as phantoms, or his insomnia getting to him. “Alright.” He walked away from the build, having run out of blackstone. “I need to get some more- Oomph!” He had run into a street lamp as he turned around. As he looked up, he realized it wasn’t a light on the street, nor a creature of the night come to attack him.

“No, no, no.” Eyes wide as the moon, he stumbled away from the figure. “I- I can’t deal with this again! You’re not real! You can’t be! I- I can’t do this again.” He backed into a wall, sliding onto the ground. Tears welled in Beef’s eyes as he gazed upon the figure. 

Green wrapped around its entire frame, weaving around its torso and limbs. Its face was mostly free of the vines, bar its straggly hair. Its eyes were darker than the void, oozing jet black tears. Beef’s eyes were locked with the figure’s, fear flooding every ounce of his being. When he was finally able to pull away from the unmoving, unblinking voids, his gaze landed on the being’s shirt. His breathing and pulse accelerated as he read the letters: NHO. He timidly brought his eyes back back up. “B- Bdu-”

Don’t you breathe for me

Undeserving of your sympathy

The air was pulled out of Beef’s lungs, leaving him gasping. He clawed at his throat, eyes somehow widening more. He choked, breathing without air to breathe. How is he- Why is he- Beef couldn’t think straight. How could he, unable to breathe because the ghost of his friend yanked the air out of his lungs? 

‘Cause there ain’t no way that I’m sorry for what I did

Tears were spilling from Beef’s eyes; out of fear or sadness, he didn’t know.

And through it all, how could you cry for me?

‘Cause I don’t feel bad about it

Beef wanted to scream. He wanted to tell the phantom all his thoughts. He wanted to tell him how he still cared, how he remembered him, how he’d never let go of him or the memories they shared.

So shut your eyes

No, no! Beef felt the unconsciousness pulling at his eyelids, dragging him down. Beef didn’t want to let go! He couldn’t let go! He could never let go! 

And sleep

Just sleep

The voice reverberated through his brain, overwhelming any thoughts Beef had. It surrounded and enveloped him, echoing through the emptiness inside. He was hollow. He had been, ever since that day. The tears stopped flowing as darkness crept towards him. Eyes flickering, Beef relaxed. The voice echoed one final cry, more to itself than anything else.

The hardest part

Is letting go of your dreams

He’d just rest a bit. Just for a minute. Just for… 

-~-

They’re, they’re these terrors

And it feels as if someone was gripping my throat, and squeezing

They’re, they’re not like tremors; they’re worse than tremors

They’re these terrors

Rewinding the footage again, Doc sighs. He’s getting nowhere with this, but he has to keep going. He would have wanted him to keep going, keep searching for an explanation. He goes over the clip again, subconsciously mouthing the words. He’s heard this so many times, seen this so many times, too many times… He jolts up with a start, his eyes sleepy but wide. He has to stay awake. He has to know what happened. Just a few more minutes.

His stomach growls, like a hoglin that hasn’t been fed in days. When was the last time he ate? That didn’t matter. All that mattered to Doc is answers. Rest and food are for the weak anyways. When was the last time anyone had seen a creeper eat?

Vwoosh

It was a near silent noise, but Doc caught it. He whipped around, sword in hand, ready to face the enderman who dared to interrupt his work. But he didn’t see an enderman. Far from it; he saw a figure leaning again a cluttered table in the corner of the room. A wine glass was held in its hand, and for a moment Doc suspected it to be Joe, bringing him a glass from the winery next door. However, the glass was empty. 

A drink

For the horror that I’m in

Doc took a moment to look the creature over. Its skin was like his own, rough and plant-like. Was that actually its skin, or a thick layer of foliage covering it? Its eyes and head were hidden in the shadows, except for its half-open mouth lined with teeth sharp as blades. What the heck is this thing?

For the good guys and the bad guys

For the monsters that I’ve been

Three cheers for tyranny

It hoisted up its glass, acting as if a toast were to be given. Instead, it tossed the glass in the air. Doc was frozen in place out of fear or exhaustion; it was difficult to tell which. He only moved to flinch when the glass shattered on the ground. It sounded as if a million glasses had broken, not just the one. The figure did not react.

‘Cause there ain’t no way that I’m coming back again

The words burned themselves in Doc’s mind. He knew instantly what- who the creature was. Or rather, what the creature used to be. He shook it off, dismissed it as his mind playing tricks on him. It liked to do that on late nights like these. Before he could turn around to get back to his work, the figure grabbed him by the shoulder. The two were face to face now, mere inches apart. Its dark, empty eyes stared straight into Doc’s soul. The teeth were far more menacing now, softly clinking with every word spoken. Doc didn’t want to admit it, to himself or the beast, but he was terrified. The voice cried:

And through it all, how could you cry for me?

‘Cause I don’t feel bad about it

It took its hands off Doc’s shoulders, pushing him back against the desk.

So shut your eyes

Kiss me goodbye

And sleep

Just sleep

Doc whipped back around, forcing his eyes back upon his work. One of the monitors was cracked, but he didn’t care. He cared about nothing but the tapes. He blinked hard, pushing back any tears that threatened to spill. He ignored the creature’s- the ghost’s cries behind him. 

The hardest part’s

The awful things that I’ve seen

He ignored it all, pinning his eyes to the screens. He was so close; he could feel it. Just another couple of minutes and he’d have it. He’d know why Bdubs died. 

Sometimes, I see flames

And sometimes I see people that I love dying

It’s always-

Just sleep

The creature whispered. He ignored it.

Just sleep

It called to him, like a siren out at sea. He ignored it.

JUST SLEEP!

It screamed. Doc whipped around to see the figure levitating off the ground. Wind from nowhere spun around it, papers and small objects being pulled into the gusts. The being’s eyes shone black, somehow emitting light while being dark as black holes. 

Doc couldn’t take his eyes off the figure, and couldn’t deny its appearance any longer: it looked like- no, it was Bdubs. Doc saw the bandana, ripped and stained a blood-like green, flapping in the wind. Its hair was swooped in the front, blown up off its face. The logo on its shirt was unmistakable, even through the vines that spread across its chest. It screamed again and again for Doc to sleep. 

Eventually, its voice went hoarse. As the cries faded into echos, the wind slowed. Doc was swaying on his feet as it stopped, collapsing onto the ground. His eyes flickered, but no! He had to hold out. He had to stay awake. 

The figure- Bdubs’ feet gracefully touched the ground. Bdubs made his way over to the nearly unconscious Doc. Doc wanted to reach out to him, say something, anything. But he couldn’t. He… he needed to rest. He needed some sleep. 

The tapes were playing quietly as Doc drifted off. 

And I can’t… I cant ever wake up.

[kimburgess-ruzek]

shattered.

chapter three: all at once.

summary: burzek/upstead/whole unit. intelligence had been through the worst of the worst trying to get one of their own back alive. Each member has been to their own personal hell. Will everyone make it back, or will the cracks in Intelligence be big enough for the entire team to shatter?

chapter summary: a look into each member of intelligence’s mind after adam sent them home from med.

a/n: this is a pretty slow chapter again but i wrote almost double to this and decided to just split it up. next chapter should be up in a couple of days. i also like the stream of consciousness type writing here. next should have more dialogue and everyone together (finally!!)

word count: 3.1k

masterlist here!

read on ao3!

.

all at once.

darkness. there’s something about it that makes it both intimidating and peaceful. with darkness, comes the unknown, comes loneliness. but with it also comes quiet, peace. and that’s what consumed kim right now. all around her was darkness, quietness, loneliness. she couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t feel. all she could do was nothing. she felt scared, claustrophobic in the abyss of darkness. she wanted to scream, wanted to jump up and down and plead for help, but she couldn’t. something was pulling her down, further back into the darkness, and she just couldn’t move. She couldn’t even fight it, whatever it was. it was too overbearing, too powerful for kim. and all kim could do was panic and be pulled down further.

.

the warmth of inside the house began to thaw the icy, purplish hands of voight’s. even with gloves, the wind gushed and the snow seeped through the leather. it took all of hank’s power to get the blood pumping through his fingers in order to grip the steering wheel. nevertheless, he persisted. with his cold, stiff fingers, he turned the lock on his door, took off his boots, and trekked to the bathroom for the hottest shower he could dream of.

.

kevin laid in his bed, eyes open and mind racing. he tried to sleep and it never came. he even tried laying still with his eyes closed, but his mind wouldn’t let him. because every time he closed his eyes, the image of kim, near lifeless in that buick, resurfaced.

god why did it have to be kim?

kevin had spent his whole life witnessing and experience injustice. even little things like being followed by a worker inside a grocery store and being asked where he was going at night, when he was just walking home. little things like that. but as he got older, he quickly realized being a black man in chicago does not lend equality. being a black man in america does not lend equality. and that’s why he wanted to become a cop. because he saw all of the injustices happen in his hometown, and he wanted to create a difference. rewrite the narrative. and while his difference would be small, it would be huge in the eyes of a little boy watching someone that looked like him have his back.

and when the narrative finally started to shift, when people finally began to see the injustices happening, when they decided to not let it go unnoticed, kevin still had to face hardship. this time, though, it was from the people who he at one time thought were his family. the blue family. but when he decided to stand up for what he saw as just, for what america saw as just, those people turned on him. neglected him, sought after him, beat him, manipulated him. and kevin was broken. he was utterly broken. he was scared. no he was terrified. but the one thing that kevin could appreciate was that his team began to see what kevin saw. they saw their team member, their family, being beaten and harassed. and kevin liked that they had his back. he needed that, because he didn’t feel all alone. he felt appreciated, understood, and love. and even though not everyone on the team completely agreed with his beliefs, they all still had his back. even adam, who was a third generation cop, sided with him and not the other blues. and that meant everything to him.

then something in adam switched. and what it was, kevin didn’t know. but something changed, and adam began to change to his old ways. his old habits. and it was gradual. it was slow. it started with the little jabs that would result in an ‘i’m sorry bro, but i still have your back.’ and kevin would push it aside, thinking to himself that adam is trying, but it’s hard to change a philosophy in a short amount of time. but it kept getting worse, adam’s way with the new code of conduct. and with the accumulation of jabs, it eventually became a punch to kevin’s gut. maybe people can’t change their philosophy, no matter how hard they try.

but the straw that broke the camel’s back for adam was this. when kim went missing. kevin saw something he had never seen before, ever, in his eight years of working with him. he saw pure hatred. he saw pure vengeance. he knew adam still loved kim. hell, everyone knew adam still loved kim. but that doesn’t mean adam can do whatever he wanted to, whatever he thought he needed to, in order to get what he wanted. he put a gun to a man’s head. for all they knew, an innocent man’s head. and adam didn’t think twice about it. but just because kevin wanted to go about this by the book, that doesn’t mean that he didn’t love kim too. this was kim. did adam think he didn’t love kim? kim was kevin’s partner. she was his rock when he needed it. she helped raise jordan and vanessa. kevin loved kim. and her going missing was eating him up inside. when he heard that call over the radio, all kevin wanted to do was search every house, every building, until he found kim. but he knew he couldn’t. it would be too slow and too unreasonable. and kevin knew that wouldn’t find kim. and he also knew he couldn’t do that because of everything still happening today. he was still a black man in chicago, and if he went in shouting lies and threatening people with guns, then he would suffer worse consequences than adam did. so as much as kevin wanted to find kim, he couldn’t do it the way adam was doing it. and kevin wasn’t resentful. rather, he was hurt.

and when kevin found kim, all he wanted to do was cry. cry tears of joy because they found her but also tears of sorrow because of how badly she looked. and to be honest, kevin was too afraid to get up close to kim at first for the worst fear. so he checked the warehouse for roy or kent instead. and when jay announced kim was still alive, kevin’s adrenaline shot back up and his mind was laser focused on getting kim to med. when kevin finally got to see kim close up, he couldn’t stop the tears this time. to see his best friend, his sister, beaten, handcuffed, shot, and near lifeless in his arms. it was almost too much to bear. him and jay never spoke a word on the way to med, both too much in their thoughts. kevin, all he could feel was guilt. she shouldn’t have been alone. she shouldn’t have done the undercover pass. it shouldn’t have been her. and maybe adam was right. maybe kevin should’ve fought harder, because if he did, maybe kim wouldn’t have been this dire.

kevin was lost in his thoughts when he heard a knock on his door. confused on who it was, he crawled out of bed and trudged his way to the door, mentally telling himself to put his foot in front of the other. when he got there he looked in the peep hole and saw someone he didn’t expect to be at his door.

trudy.

kevin opened the door to the cold chicago wind.

“trudy, what’re you doing here?”

trudy quickly responded through her shivers, “if you don’t let me in within the next five seconds i’ll make sure voight bumps you down to patrol for a week.”

with that, kevin opened the door wider and allowed trudy inside. even though he knew it was a fake threat and he appreciated trudy’s joke, he was too tired to laugh.

kevin closed the door and went to pour trudy a cup of warm coffee. trudy took off her coat and sat on kevin’s couch, blowing warm air to her hands to try and warm them up. after a minute kevin walked to the couch with a mug and handed it to trudy before sitting down and asking again, “trudy, this is a nice surprise, but what are you doing here? is everything alright?”

trudy took a generous sip of her coffee and replied, “well, i just wanted to check on you. you know, see how you were doing.”

kevin was caught off guard. “i appreciate that trudy, i do… i’m hanging in there. still trying to let my mind catch up to me, you know.”

trudy nodded and put a hand to kevin’s leg. “you know, i never got to thank you for being there for kim with jay. you are a strong man, kev. and i am truly thankful.” tears welled up in trudy’s eyes, making kevin’s water too.

“i appreciate that, trudy.”

trudy cleared her throat. “okay, so how are you really doing?”

kevin shrugged his shoulders. “i said i’m doing ok—“ before kevin could finish his sentence, trudy cut him off.

“no. for real, kev. i saw the interaction you and adam had earlier. how are you doing?”

kevin swallowed hard and but his tongue, trying to find the right response. he looked up at his sergeant’s eyes and told what he was really feeling inside.

“i feel alone. i don’t have anybody.”

kevin couldn’t stop the tears this time. and kevin didn’t care, letting them trickle down his face. he was ashamed of feeling this way after everything kim had gone through. he saw it as selfish and unthoughtful. but it was true. kevin did feel lonely. he felt like no one understood him, no one was with him.

this broke trudy’s heart. she witnessed the tension between kevin and adam, and she never saw them like that in her career of knowing them. and she knew they both had their sides, but right now she felt for kevin.

she patted him on the back and said, “look at me. kevin, look at me.”

it took a while for kevin to semi-compose himself and look back up at trudy’s eyes. trudy moved her hand up to kevin’s shoulder.

“you are not alone. you are not alone in this. you have me. you hear that? you have me.”

kevin just nodded, feeling overwhelmed. all he could do was mutter a “thank you” in between his tears. he gave in and leaned in towards trudy, who wrapped him in a hug and let him just feel his emotions.

“i’m not leaving here until you feel everything you need to feel, kev. i’m not leaving you.”

.

the darkness continued to surround kim. and as much as she wanted to fight, as much as she felt like she needed to fight, all she wanted to do was stop. to give in to the abyss and be pulled down deeper. she was tired of fighting all of the time. she was just tired. and the darkness was becoming oddly calming. just herself. no dangerous situation, no bad guys. nothing. nothing except her and the darkness.

just as kim was about to give in and let the darkness consume her, she felt something. she felt something on her hand. it was something outside of the darkness, outside of the abyss. it felt like another hand. like something, someone was helping to pull her out. kim was confused. she never felt that before now. and she was caught in her decision on what to do. does she ignore the help, ignore the hand and drown back into the abyss where it's quiet, dark and safe? or does she take the hand, take the big leap and see what happens? does she allow the help? caught in her back and forth of her decision she felt the hand again. this time more persistent. and this made kim make an impulse decision and reach out for the hand. she reached as far as she could, only allowing for her fingertips to graze the other person’s fingers. and when she did, she swore she saw the smallest glimmer of light. it was so small, kim could’ve swore she saw lies. but nevertheless, she saw something in the far, far distance. but at the same time, the darkness began to pull harder, dragging her back down. and soon, the hand, along with the light, disappeared, being too far out of kim’s grasp.

.

the hot water of the shower felt glorious to voight’s body. it was washing away the grime and dirt from his hands. and down the drain also went voight’s lingering thoughts on the last 48 hours.

.

jay actually got a few hours of good sleep. he woke up to the sounds of car horns and the sunlight shining through the half closed curtains. he looked down and saw hailey in his arms. hailey, her beautiful messy hair perfectly laid on her shoulders, her skin just peeking over the bedsheets, her snuggled into his bare chest. this is how it was supposed to be. no fear, no craziness. just normal, calm, peaceful bliss.

jay couldn’t help but smile at hailey, seeing how perfectly imperfect she looked. she looked as to finally be getting some shut eye, which jay was happy about. he knew something was off about her last night, but he can’t figure it out. and hailey won’t tell him which just raises the concern. and he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to the proposal. what made hailey want to do that? it is so unlike her character. jay could hardly wrap his mind around it. but nevertheless, he was glad to see hailey actually get some rest after everything she had been through the last few days. and while he wanted to know what went down when he was separated from her, his priority was making sure she felt safe and loved, and if that means just being there for her and letting her talk when she's ready, then he was okay with that.

jay began brushing through hailey’s hair, playing with it with his fingers. this stirred hailey awake. she moaned at the sun and turned over. her eyes ever so slowly opened, and jay smirked at her.

“hey beautiful.” jay said, propping his elbow on the bed, sitting up. he moved his hand from her hair to her back, pulling her to him, leaving zero empty space.

hailey blinked a few times, letting her brain wake up. she let out a groggy, “hi.”

jay let out a laugh. hailey asked, “what time is it?”

jay turned his head and glanced outside at the bright light. he reached down and picked his phone up from his pants pocket and saw the time.

“12:39.”

“hmmm…” hailey let out, snuggling further down on jay’s chest. she closed her eyes, “too early…”

jay grinned and leaned down to place a gentle kiss on hailey’s head. with that she woke up and pulled jay in for another kiss on the lips.

“mmmm, i’m not finished from last night.” she let out in between kisses. she pushed jay down and moved on top of him, gliding down his chest with gentle kisses. she giggled and pulled the sheets over top of them for round two.

jay didn’t oblige.

.

kim had felt something she knew it. she had felt that glimmer of help. of hope. she tried moving her arms to feel that bend again, but the darkness was constraining her, holding her arms back. it felt as if it was trying to suffocate her.

kim was tired. all she wanted to do was give up. to just let the darkness overtake her. she felt as if she didn’t have the fight left in her.

all of a sudden, kim thought she heard something. it sounded like faint voice. she couldn’t make anything out, but she heard something. someone. then kim stopped for a moment and thought. she thought really hard.

what would happen if she didn’t fight anymore?

sure, her parents would be sad. but if anything, they would just think to themselves, ‘i told you so, never should’ve became a cop.’ nicole would be devastated, but they haven’t spoken in a while, so she would probably learn to manage. same with zoe. the team would be sad. but would they? they would be down a member, but they could always find someone else. i mean she would miss them for sure. she would miss jay and voight and hailey. she would miss platt. she would miss kevin definitely. she would miss adam…

adam.

what would adam do if she stopped fighting? did adam still care about kim? after everything she said to him? after letting her impulses take over her heart? would he even miss her? after putting him with the burden of makayla.

makayla. oh god, makayla. makayla, who had just lost her entire family. who just lost a mother.

this made kim change her perspective. this set off a fight in kim. she couldn’t let her parents watch their child be buried. she couldn’t let the team go through hell to get her back only for her to give up. she couldn’t die before letting adam know how she actually feels. she couldn’t let makayla grow up without a mom. she wouldn’t let that happen.

so kim fought. she fought against the darkness. she didn’t give in. and all of a sudden, kim heard something. something faint. she heard someone’s voice. like someone was talking to her. this was the extra motivation she needed. kim fought harder, and she managed to get one arm out of the darkness’s grasp. she reached out as far as she could, waving her hand around to feel something. anything, that could help. she reached with her fingertips, and she felt something. she felt the hand again. she grasped on to that hand, and when she did, she saw that glimmer of light again. she pulled with that hand, focusing on the light. focusing on adam, and makayla, and her future. kim was exhausted but she kept pushing herself. she kept fighting. she then heard a sound. it was the voice again. she could’ve spent it sounded familiar.

adam?

kim managed to free her other arm and clutched on to the hand with both arms. she pulled and pulled and pulled. and as she did, the light became brighter. light began to overcome the darkness. the darkness began to fade back behind her, losing the fight. kim had tried to focus on the light but it became massively bright for her tired eyes. she had to eventually look away, though still focusing on keeping ahold of the hand.

the light kept getting brighter, gradually, then all at once.

[inspired-by-the-music]

For You: Stand By Me

Taglist: @jineunwootrash @angels-from-california @jayjaydawn @i-peachesandstrawberries

If you would like to be added to the taglist of any of this blog’s works, please ask!

Recommended Reading: For You: 4 O’Clock; these works have separate, independent, but deeply interwoven timelines.

Chapter 12: A Boy Like The Sun

Lei’s POV

It was the best dream I ever had— the feeling of Sehun’s lips against mine. His touch was gentle— so gentle that I shouldn’t have felt it long after the moment passed, so faint that it shouldn’t still seize my heart and squeeze my lungs empty and wipe my mind of every thought except those of him. 

Sehun. Sehun, who was never mine. Sehun, who made me believe for a fraction of an infinity that maybe everything in life had led to that moment when he filled my every sense and painted my every thought and memory with colors that I had never seen once with open eyes. 

My best dream. My favorite dream. The dream that blessed me too many nights before and after it became a curse. The dream I would bring back to life every day of every week even if it ended the same way every single time. 

The problem with dreams coming true is that you always wake up or the dream becomes a nightmare. 

Never in a million years would I have believed that his smile and his laughter— the luxuries that were once so rare and more brilliant than the sun in my childhood world— would conspire to break my heart into a million little pieces that were too jagged and sore and bloodsoaked by the piano to pick up and fit back together.

Yes, it was my first kiss. 

He was my first kiss. 

Sehun was my first kiss. 

Sehun. 

And I wasn’t shy— just humiliated by his laughter at my expense. I was just humiliated that I couldn’t catch my breath. I was just humiliated by the urge to kiss him again because it— he— Sehun was everything I was afraid of wanting or needing to feel like one of those people who can smile in the sun and really mean it no matter how many eyes try to rip them apart. 

And I was, for a fleeting second that I wish with all of my soul had lasted forever, proud to have shared my first and only act of intimate affection with Sehun because I always imagined that he was so much more than handsome before he broke my heart with a smile and a wink. 

And if he would have loved me, even in his broken joke of a way that impaled me through the chest, I would have forgotten my refusal to date— just for him. I would have let him in every door, I would have helped him climb over every wall because — well— every wall crumbled at his touch. Not even his ill-timed laughter and mockery would rebuild them. Every door was always unlocked for him, and his kiss blew them wide open with a wild gust of tornado hurricane wind, and it would take all of my strength to lock them.  

I guess I have Minseok to thank for saving my pride. If he hadn’t called Sehun to his side and allowed me to run up to my moonlit bedroom where I could reconstruct my defenses— the defenses that I once imagined applied to everyone but the one who already held my heart in the palm of his hand— maybe I would have acted on that urge to rise on the tips of my toes to kiss Sehun again and again and again even if it was just a joke to him and Chanyeol, even if his heart could never swell for me or break for me, even if I could never look at him while remembering the beloved boy who was always beautifully too far out of reach, always opposed to love despite frequent expressive actions, always just slightly out of step, never quite on the same page, tragically never on the same path for long, never once in a million daydreams close to being mine. 

I closed the door on years of memories, years of looking at one person who never needed to look at me to have my love, years of falling for Lucas’s adamant belief that everything works out for those who are meant to be together, years of praying in the tiniest, most irrational piece of my heart that Sehun and I would someday—

Every thought died when I made eye contact with his poster that hung on my wall since his debut. All at once, as I removed it pin by pin, imagining that this was exactly what I would have to do in my mind with every one of his memories if I ever wanted to stop bleeding, tears streamed down my cheeks. 

Would you think that I’m pathetic if I told you how hard it was to be angry with Sehun for hurting me? Would you think that I’m weak if you knew how long I struggled to pack Sehun’s poster back into its container? Would you call me a fool if you knew that I almost left his photocards up on the wall because I wanted so desperately to remember him without that stabbing ache in my chest— because I wanted to forget that he told me I was annoying for following him and that he laughed at my first kiss and that he dashed my every conception of him? 

I don’t care if you would. 

It killed me to lock our memories away in that box. It killed me to unfasten his bracelet. I hated that I couldn’t just close my eyes and think of Sehun as I always had. I hated that I couldn’t trick myself into believing the lie that nothing had changed— that I wasn’t shattered. 

I don’t care if you think I’m weak because I don’t care about being strong anymore. After all this time, I have accepted that there is only one person who has ever held the power to fragment me like that. I have accepted that I am foolish enough to trust him with that power in every universe. What’s worse: I am okay with spending all that time crying in the dark if it gives me the vaguest hope that he could love me someday. 

I was hugging Sehun’s note that came with the bracelet against my chest when Lucas burst through the door, smiling and unsteady on his feet. “Baekhyun spiked the punch!” He cheered, holding up a clear glass of red liquid. “I brought you some!”

Lucas’s smile faltered when he sat on the foot of my bed. Setting the cup down on the floor, he asked, “What’s wrong, Lei?” 

And before I could decide what was worth sharing and what was worth locking away in the box, I threw myself into Lucas’s outstretched arms, sputtering, “Sehun— Sehun— Sehun—” 

I couldn’t say anything but his name. The name that still made my heart swell. 

Realizing that I couldn’t say anything else, Lucas ran a comforting hand up and down my back, promising, “It’s okay. Just let it out.” 

Until the embarrassment of baring my raw emotions overwhelmed the ache of a broken heart, I sobbed into Lucas’s shirt. If he didn’t smell so different— if he didn’t feel so different— if his voice didn’t sound so different, I would have imagined that (instead of Lucas) Sehun held me together that night. 

When I finally ran out of tears that Lucas could dry, when I finally untangled myself, I rubbed at my eyes. “I’m really tired.” My words blurred together in a pathetic mumble. 

“Oh,” Lucas hummed. He scratched at the back of his neck. “Well, if you’re sure—” I nodded— “then I’ll just go back downstairs.” He picked the alcoholic punch up off of the floor. “Just text me if you need me, and I’ll come running.”

“I know.” To prove that I would be okay alone— that I could heal alone— I tried to force a smile. Just before he walked out of the door, I asked, “Can you take that box away for me?”

“Sure,” Lucas agreed before knowing its contents. After taking a glance at Sehun’s picture, he swore, “I’ll take good care of this for you.” 

Practicing my hand at pretending to be strong despite the growing urge to snatch my box away from Lucas and return its contents to their rightful places, I lied, “I don’t care what you do with it.” 

Lucas blinked. He didn’t believe me, but he didn’t say so. “Someday you might,” was all he said before walking away with every token of my memories with Sehun.

If I thought that the memories would fade with those objects out of sight, I must have been disappointed breathless at the number of scenes that played in my mind as I stepped out of my white dress and heels into a set of sunflower pajamas. When I settled into bed, rubbing at the headache forming around my temples, I realized that I would never forget Sehun. Only with the greatest exertion of effort would I be able to hide my love for him (and my humiliating utter desperation for his love) behind a mask of exaggerated anger. 

Here’s the truth, if you want it: I didn’t love Sehun any less after he kissed me at that Christmas party. It was with great difficulty that I avoided him over the following two years. The embarrassed anger that would eventually swell in my gut with his mocking flirtatious remarks wasn’t an immediate response. For a while, I was still stupid enough to swoon at his glance. 

I was lying in bed, dreaming of how I would survive without surrendering any more pieces of my heart the next time I saw Sehun, when three knocks sounded at the door. My eyes opened wide to the sight of Baekhyun tiptoeing into my bedroom as if he were afraid to wake me. 

Although Baekhyun and I were not especially close, I didn’t feel bothered by his sudden, unannounced, unsolicited appearance. Spurred by curiosity that burned through my sadness, I sat upright and quipped, “Come on in, Baekhyun.” 

Turning toward me quickly enough to flick his orange-dyed bangs out of his eyes, Baekhyun broke into a glittering smile. “Thanks for the warm welcome!” 

He turned back to trace the outline of the place where Sehun’s poster stood for years. His touch was careful, hesitant as if he feared that the wall would crumble under pressure. “I was looking for the bathroom. It’s a happy accident that I ended up where you are.”

Owing to his devious smile, I didn’t believe that anything Baekhyun did was an accident. Still, I was afraid to say something that would send him away. Forgetting that I wanted to be alone just minutes ago, I didn’t offer him directions to the bathroom. “A happy accident,” I repeated under my breath.

He said, “The party is boring without you,” although he hadn’t said a word since ‘hello’ at the start of the night. “Can’t I convince you to go back with me?”

“I would follow you anywhere, Baek.”

My hand clamped over my mouth after the words fell out as if in an ill-timed effort to contain them. I don’t know why I said that. I had never followed Baekhyun a day in my life— not even that time at the SM showcase when he tried to lead me away from the first Sehun-induced heartache. 

“Anywhere?” Baekhyun winked and melted the block of ice in my chest. 

Stupidly, as if enchanted by his smile, I nodded, conditioning, “Just not tonight.” Although Baekhyun asked for no explanation as his gaze dropped down to his feet in a perfect picture of disappointment, I said, “My heart is too heavy tonight.”

“What if I carried it for you?”

Thinking that he couldn't have been serious, I laughed until I felt his eyes on me. Something about the way he looked at me took my breath away— made my heart thunder as if it wasn’t broken— made me forget that I was supposed to be crying, mourning a dream that I never should have dreamed. 

Once I found my voice, I said, “I couldn’t ask you to do that.” 

“Somebody else is holding it,” Baekhyun muttered, likely assuming that I wouldn’t hear. He reached for the ribbon on my vanity— the one I wore on my debut stage— and I raced to reach it first. 

But I couldn’t beat Baekhyun. I don’t know why I tried in the first place. I don’t know why I didn’t want him to touch the item I hadn’t looked at since the first and only time I wore it. 

The ribbon was radiant in his hands. As he traced his fingers over it, eyes widening and glittering as if it were an artifact of his wildest dreams, I told him, “I’m holding my heart. I can feel it pounding. Breaking. Aching. It’s mine again, for the first time that I can really remember, and I wouldn’t give it to someone like you in its current condition.” 

In a wounded whimper, Baekhyun repeated, “Someone like me?”

My heart stilled. I was quick to explain that I wasn’t trying to insult him. “Yeah. A boy like the sun.”

Baekhyun’s eyebrows pinched together to form little wrinkles in his forehead. “The sun?”

“Yeah. Somebody who can smile in the sun and mean it no matter how many eyes try to rip them apart.” I burned at how easily I could speak to Baekhyun, who was little more than a friendly acquaintance, when I was a stuttering, blubbering mess around Lucas, who was my best friend. 

The stars shone in Baekhyun’s eyes a thousand times brighter than they ever did in the sky. I couldn’t look away from them. I couldn’t forget them. Sometimes, I count them when it’s hard to fall asleep. 

“That’s what you think of me?” Baekhyun beamed. His smile made me smile too. “You think I’m like the sun?” 

“You’re probably brighter than the sun, Baek.” 

Suddenly, he was too bright, and there were too many parts of myself that I wanted to hide in the shadows. Although I didn’t want to, I needed to look away from Baekhyun’s smile. My eyes fixed on the ribbon in his hand, and I reached for it again. 

Holding it just out of reach, Baekhyun looked down on me with a muted form of his sunshine smile. “Have you ever heard about ribbons and soulmates?” When I shook my head, flushing at the word ‘soulmate,’ Baekhyun continued, “I learned about it from my second favorite love story. Apparently, if you give a ribbon to someone or if someone gives a ribbon to you, your souls will be tied together forever. So be careful of who you give this to.” 

Struggling to imagine that Baekhyun was the kind of person who watched or read romantic stories, much less believed romantic superstitions, I narrowed my eyes at him, waiting for some outburst of laughter. “Do you really believe in that sort of thing?”

Baekhyun shrugged. “The couple in the story was together forever, so it can’t hurt to be careful.” He pressed the ribbon into my palm. His skin was fire against mine— a flame that warmed but didn’t scald. I think that’s the first hint that I was dreaming. Feelings like that don’t exist in real life. 

Maybe I scalded him, though. Maybe I gave him frostbite. Baekhyun’s hand flinched away from mine, and he looked down at it as if expecting to find a scar or a blister. There was nothing there.

Frowning, I said, “I’m sorry if I hurt you.” 

Baekhyun looked up from his hand to meet my eyes. “Huh? You didn’t hurt me. You could never hurt me.”

I wanted to ask him how he could be so sure about something like that, but I didn’t even want to imagine hurting Baekhyun, so I made a joke instead. Grinning down at the ribbon in my hand, I asked, “You gave this to me. Does that make you my soulmate, Baek?”

He blinked a few times, mouth falling agape before a smile broke across his face. “Don’t make a big deal of it.” 

Those words— they struck a familiar chord within my heart, within my memory. I closed my eyes and remembered a golden pink sunset coloring a cotton candy sky, a crown of white roses, a white rose in his coat pocket, a fountain where we made wishes. Deja vu. The memory with Baekhyun that played in my mind had never happened, but still I— I could feel it. 

The last time I heard him say those words to me, did I want to kiss him as badly as I did that night in my room? I must have. Whether it was in another dream— because surely, this was a dream— or another lifetime, those words must have inspired the singular desire to bridge all distance between us. 

The dream prompted me to take the first step toward him— the first step I had ever taken in my life— ribbon still in hand, and I would have brushed my lips against his in pursuit of some cosmic miracle if he didn’t wheeze, “This isn’t how it’s supposed to happen.” 

My eyes, which I must have closed in preparation for some eclipse, opened to the sight of Baekhyun’s eyes swimming in tears. I would have done anything to take that look from his face, even if it was a figment of a dream turned nightmare. Leaping away (despite my persisting desire to cling to him) because I knew I was accidentally the source of his tears, I opened my mouth to apologize. 

Baekhyun didn’t give me a chance, though. Gnawing at his lips as if he was afraid that I would try again to kiss them, he bowed to me. “I’m sorry, Lei. There’s something really important that I have to take care of. Don’t—” A tear streamed down his cheek— “If we’re dreaming, don’t forget me when we wake up.” 

Before I could promise that I wouldn’t, he bolted out the door without glancing back. He was gone just as suddenly as he appeared. And I missed him. I miss him. 

Maybe Baekhyun knew how to carry others’ broken hearts, and maybe he didn’t need permission to do so. After he left, and I settled back under my blankets, the ache in my chest was almost gone. 

I fell into dreams about him— laughing down by some lake, arguing in some darkened corner of an SM banquet hall, talking by the side of some pool, driving through my hometown late at night with the sunroof down, tossing coins into a wishing fountain, stumbling into his arms at a party where we matched from head to toe. Dreams— maybe they’re memories from another life. Maybe I woke the next morning, haunted by the hope that I loved Baekhyun in another life and that maybe, someday, if I did everything right, I would get to live that life again. 

I dreamed of Baekhyun, burned as I wondered how I would ever face him, squirmed as I debated whether he was in real life anything like he was in dreams. 

And then I remembered the dangers of wasting one’s life dwelling on dreams— even the best ones. And I learned to be content with his mischievous glittering smiles and the memory of the stars in his eyes. And I never quite packed it away— the hope that there would be a time for him someday. 

Of course, I think I forgot just about everything when I saw him again— the one who could send me falling with just a glance. 

Sehun. 

Maybe my heart was mine, but that was only due to the force with which I held it whenever Sehun stood too close, calling it to him without words. That was only due to the scowl that I sculpted onto my face whenever the white-hot sting of his laughter wasn’t a distant enough memory. 

And even then, if I’m really honest, if I hold nothing back, I’ll admit that my heart was secretly (not-so-secretly) his all that time.

[dutchsonjaa]

The Panic button

Sequel to “I’ll lose as a winner” and “Wilbur’s last stand”

TW: Injuries leading to death, execution.

“Press it one time if you’re uncomfortable and you need me to help you out. Press it twice if you’re in danger, and I’ll come”, Tommy tried his best to recall the instructions as he opened the hidden clasp on his survival bracelet. It was a handy little thing, this bracelet. He was able to message his friends with it and it even had an built-in GPS. Despite everything, Tommy had often to be reminded to wear it… until that one incident. After that, Tommy would wear the bracelet wherever he went and even allowed Wilbur to install the little panic button, connecting it to his own. Tommy had hated the panic button at first, surely he could stand his own, he was almost a man grown after all, yet he complied knowing it would bring some peace to his brother’s mind. He would never admit that maybe, he felt reassured knowing that the call for help was within his reach. Tommy felt a pit in his stomach as he recalled the first time he’d used the button. The brothers had a huge fight over something stupid, and Wilbur had stormed out the door. Tommy had taken care of his black eye and tried to keep himself occupied, but grew more anxious by the minute for his brother’s safety as the night was now upon them. Eventually the young man had caved and pressed the button once, and soon Wilbur’s voice had rung through the device, asking if his younger brother was safe and well. After Tommy had confirmed his wellbeing, Wilbur had promised they’d talk later and hung up. True to his word, after Wilbur had gotten home the next morning, the two men sat down, their quarrel soon forgotten. They were family after all.

 Wilbur had promised Tommy the panic button would work, no matter what happened to Tommy’s bracelet. Neither of the bracelets could be tinkered with and if someone were to try, Wilbur had warned, the bracelet would sent out an alarm to its twin, alerting the owner of any danger their sibling were to be in. Tommy’s bracelet was ruined, the screen was cracked, and the device wouldn’t even turn on anymore. What worried the young man most however, was the teeth grinding sound that came from the device, before shutting off again. Wilbur needed him, Tommy realized with dread, and Tommy needed his brother as well, more than ever. Taking a deep breath, Tommy found the panic button and pressed it two times, alerting his brother that he was in danger, and waited. Even though he never expected an answer, the truth still hurt. Tommy rested his head in his hands, trying to steady his breathing. His brother was gone. He was gone, and Tommy hadn’t been able to save him. Standing up on heavy legs, trying to ignore the aching in his injured leg, Tommy walked over to check on Technoblade. The other man was asleep on one of the hard beds in the corner, shivering and shaking from the fever running through his body. Tommy had pleaded with the guards for some medicine, but they only laughed him off. Tommy could only hope Technoblade would make it. Placing a damp cloth on the other man’s forehead in an effort to cool him down a little, Tommy tried not to look at the poisoned arrow still stuck in the man’s shoulder. He hadn’t dared to try and remove it, fearing he’d only make it worse. “Please get better”, Tommy muttered as Technoblade seemed to drift into a calmer sleep. After checking the man’s pulse once more, Tommy left him to it and allowed himself to get some rest. Crawling on the bed opposite of Technoblade’s, below the third sitting abandoned, Tommy finally allowed himself some rest.

The dream that followed had been the same as the previous two nights. Tommy found himself carelessly running down the steps of Eret’s tower, blocking out Quackity’s shouts behind him. The young man didn’t feel the pain that shot through his knees when he fell, or the aching of his lungs. Jumping down the last few steps, Tommy spun around the corner and almost collided with the two men carrying Schlatt’s… body? There wasn’t time to think about what that meant, or break his stride, so Tommy simply leapt over the corpse, ignoring the insults aimed at his head. Somewhere in the distance, another scream filled the air, but Tommy didn’t bother to give it any attention. Instead, the young man focused on the body of the distance, as his brother lay in a pool of blood, HBomb crouched over him. Pushing himself a bit harder running the last few steps, Tommy threw himself in the dirt beside the two men. Trying to ignore the sensation of blood soaking through his knees, he quickly searched his pockets for a health potion, an golden apple, anything. “Tommy”, the sound made the young man look up and meet HBomb’s gaze. “It’s alright Tommy. He needs you”. Feeling the world sink out from under him, Tommy found his voice. “What are you talking about”? Looking down at Wilbur, he carefully pushes some of the man’s hair out of his face, trying to ignore the dread in his stomach as he saw how dull and unfocused those brown eyes looked. “You’ll be alright, don’t��� you worry Big Man”, Tommy felt his voice break. “We’ll take care of you”. HBomb gave Tommy a pitiful look before lowering his gaze. “I’m sorry Tommy, but we can’t move him. All we can do right now is to try and give him some comfort in his last moments”. Tommy felt bile rise up in the back of his throat as he examined Wilbur’s injuries. HBomb had apparently ripped Wilbur’s jacket open, perhaps to try and save him, showing the white shirt already being stained by blood. His chest was crushed, either by the impact from the fall or the weight of Schlatt’s body landing on him and even through the man’s torso was still rising and falling with each pained breath, it seemed to be a struggle. Tommy felt tears well into his eyes as he realized Wilbur would never walk again, the way his lower back was twisted, or hold a sword as his eyes fell on his wrists, shattered in the chains binding them. Carefully leaning over his brother’s body to wipe off the drizzle of blood running from the man’s lips, Tommy pleaded with the man. “Please Will, get better..”. HBomb averted his eyes as Wilbur’s breathing grew fainter, then stopped. “NO!”, Tommy screamed, slapping Wilbur’s cheek in an effort to wake him up. “Don’t you dare do this to me! Don’t leave me!”. Something moved in the edge of his vision and for a moment, he thought he saw a blonde man standing to the side, a bucket hat resting lightly on his brow. The man shot Tommy a sorrowful look before seemingly fading away. “Tommy..”, Tommy heard HBomb whisper and as he met the other man’s tearstained face, he felt himself break down. He wasn’t sure how long he lay there, sobbing over his brother’s broken body, until HBomb shook his shoulder. “Tommy, get up”, he breathed. “They’re coming. You have to get away from here”. As Tommy slowly rose to his feet, trying to ignore the stickiness of the blood on his clothes and the aching of his limps, a voice spoke up behind him. “What a shame”, a man’s voice spoke, and as Tommy spun around, he didn’t recognize the two men climbing up the hill behind them. “Who are you?”, Tommy spoke, his voice sounding braver than he felt. At this moment, he wished he still had a sword. “My name is CallMeCarson, and this is my friend Hugbox”, the man spoke, gesturing to his friend. “Schlatt had warned us there might be some trouble at this little festival at his. Guess he was right”, the man sighed, scratching his chin. “You must be TommyInnit, although you are younger than I thought you’d be. A shame, for such a young man being involved in a war”. The man reached out a hand. “Mind coming with us? We want to have a little talk”. Tommy stood a little straighter, facing the two men. “Don’t you come any closer”, the young man hissed. “Why do you people always have to make it this hard”, Carson sighed before making a hand movement towards his friend. “Take him”. When Hugbox charged Tommy was ready for him, and dodged his grip easily. He didn’t expect Hugbox to grab his ankle and drag them both to the ground. His hands still tied with Carson standing over him, Tommy had to think quickly. A kick in Hugbox’s face made the man release his leg as his nose broke with a sickening crunch, and Tommy quickly scrambled to his feet before driving his head into Carson’s stomach, causing the other man to double over in pain. Finding his feet to run, he only hoped HBomb would be fine. Carson and Hugbox had quickly recovered themselves however, so there wasn’t any time to check on the man. Sprinting through the shattered remains of the festival trying to get rid of his pursuers, Tommy grimaced his teeth as his injured leg started hurting again. Dodging left and right through the chaos, the young man finally allowed himself to slow down his pace and catch his breath as he realized he lost the two men. Feeling a small wave of pride, Tommy opened his bracelet to send a message to Tubbo, hoping to find his friend was safe and sound. They’d be fine, Tommy told himself after he sent the message, trying to clear his thoughts. He’d meet up with Tubbo and they’d make everything alright. Tommy wiped the sweat off his face as he gathered his courage and went to search for his friend. There wasn’t too much daylight left. Walking through the chaos, he tried not to look at the blood on the ground, or the wounded crying as they were being helped on the cart. Fundy was one of the people helping the wounded, Tommy realized. Did he even know his father was dead? Tommy looked away, searching the crowd for Tubbo instead. Terrified eyes followed the young man as he walked around the field, the citizens cowering away as if they expected a second wave of attack. Tommy couldn’t bear to look them in the eyes, knowing it was his brother who caused this. The brother who was now dead.  As a potion of blindness splashed on his feet, Tommy screamed, but to no avail. One pair of hands grabbed his shoulders and Tommy suddenly met a crossbow inches from his face. In a horror, he realized he was caught.

 The cell the young man found himself in each morning when he woke wasn’t as bad as it could be, even he had to admit to that. One of the windows was overlooking the woods between Pogtopia and Manberg, even though the bars were too tough to break. The rations were made of soup and mostly fresh bread, so Tommy had to consider themselves lucky. Technoblade was mumbling in his sleep on one of the hard beds in the corner, and Tommy frowned when he realized his cellmate looked a bit paler this morning than the last. He just had to hope the other man would make it, even though he didn’t know what their future looked like. Would his friends be able to get them out of here? He wasn’t sure anymore. Doubt nagged in Tommy when he thought about that. He had seen Fundy, but would the man help them out? He had been pretty close to Schlatt, and now the president was dead at the hands of Fundy’s own father. He didn’t know what happened to HBomb, and didn’t know if any of his other friends were even still alive. Tubbo….. Tubbo had been on the stage when the first explosions went off… surely he wouldn’t be.. a bang on the heavy iron door ripped him from his thoughts. Tommy looked up as Dream entered the door, one of the guards quickly locking it after him. “Hey Tomathy”, the green man spoke as he started approaching Technoblade, greeting the other man in his turn as he sat up groggily on his bed. “What are you doing here?” Tommy hissed as Dream quickly examined Technoblade before gesturing to Tommy to help him. Technoblade’s eyes were glazed over as he met Tommy’s gaze when the young man stepped closer and followed Dream’s instructions carefully as the green man prepared to pull the arrow from Technoblade’s shoulder. “Hold him tightly, this is bound to hurt”, he told Tommy. Technoblade let out a thundering scream as the arrow was ripped from his flesh, and Tommy had to catch the man as he collapsed. Silence filled the air as Dream carefully bandaged Technoblade’s wound, until Tommy couldn’t hold his tongue anymore. “Why’d you betray him?”, he asked, not wanting to look at the other man. Dream just sighed. “Don’t tell me that I didn’t warn you. I had to be on the right side of history, you know? Stopping Wilbur’s tyranny where everyone could see was the best way I could ensure that, the man had already dug his own grave, but I never meant for things to end this way. Don’t think it’s a coincidence there are three beds”. Retrieving a vial from his pocket, he handed it to Tommy. “Give this to Technoblade when he’s awake. It will help him recover”. As Dream approached the door to leave, Tommy blurted out “Why are you helping us”. Dream paused, before turning to him. “I don’t know. Maybe I’ve taken a liking to you”, he spoke with a shrug. As Dream knocked on the door to get the guard to release him, Tommy heard him mutter “I just hope it will be enough”.

 Days passed, and true to Dream’s word, Technoblade seemed to get a little stronger each passing day. His sleep wasn’t as restless anymore and to Tommy’s relief, Technoblade had even nibbled on some bread last night, complaining they didn’t give them any potatoes. Maybe he would be okay. It seemed to calm the restlessness in his head somewhat when Tommy pressed the panic button, so he made an habit out of it, even though he knew no answer would follow. Nevertheless, Tommy kept pressing the button, praying that things were going to get better. On the morning of the fifth day, Tommy’s thoughts were interrupted by a sound coming from the speaker. “Hello?”, a voice spoke, making Tommy jump. “Wilbur!”, the young man yelled into the receiver, tears welling in his eyes. “Will, I can’t believe-“. The voice cut him off. “Tommy, is that you”? Tommy’s heart sank when he recognized Quackity’s voice. “I really thought..”, he cried as he allowed himself sink down on the floor. “I’m sorry Tommy, I didn’t think this bracelet had any meaning. I took it off Wilbur’s body when they came for him. I didn’t even expect for it to still turn on”. Tommy was sobbing now, but he didn’t care. “He didn’t block the messages, after all this time. He didn’t block them”. He heard Quackity sign.  “So it seemed. Look, Tommy, don’t you blame yourself okay? I know you tried to save him, but Wilbur dug his own grave okay? He was too far gone.”.  Silence filled the air before Quackity continued, an anger rising in the man’s voice. “Thanks to his doing, you and Technoblade have been accused of treason as well. The plan is to have you two executed on the morrow for all eyes to see, but I won’t let that happen okay? I will try everything to get you out of there, just stay strong”. As the device went silent once more, Tommy felt numb. As Technoblade cleared his throat, Tommy looked up and saw the pain in those pink eyes of his. “Wilbur…  you told me he was locked up in another cell….”. Tommy’s eyes said enough. “No, no, no!”, Technoblade yelled out, punching the wall as he allowed his old fury take over. “Kill them all, let the rivers run red with their blood-!”, Tommy watched from a safe distance as the other man went berserk, attacking the sturdy iron door with all his strength. A coughing fit quickly spun an end to his rage as the man slunk to the floor, gasping for breath. “Techno..”, Tommy whimpered, reaching out an hand to Technoblade’s shoulder. In a quick movement, Technoblade grabbed Tommy’s wrist, pulling the young man closer to his face. “I don’t need help from you”, he hissed through his teeth, before sending him back with a shove. Tommy stumbled and as his injured leg gave out under him, he felt both the pain from his head hitting the wall and the pain from his heart shattering as Technoblade turned his back to him.

 They came for them the next morning. Half a dozen guards would be ready to escort the two prisoners to their demise, the gallows waiting for them on the place where the election platform once stood. Tommy wouldn’t have allowed the men to take him without a fight, even it if meant he would never make it to the gallows, but Technoblade had taken him by his arm with a comforting smile. “Let’s give them one last show, shall we?”, the man spoke as he met Tommy’s eyes. Tommy had to allow Punz to tie his hands together once more. “Sorry Tom, but Quackity won’t be here to save you. Come on now”, the man spoke reassuringly as he lead Tommy forward, Technoblade just behind them. Squinting against the light as the sun blinded his eyes, Tommy tried to walk upright as the crowd made way for them. He wouldn’t show any fear. Scanning the crowd looking for the comforting faces of his friends, the young man realized there were many newcomers among them. Feeling his heart beat in his chest, Tommy turned to face the gallows in the distance instead. The wooden structures stood proud on top of the barren hill, waiting for the prisoners to take their place beneath them. A light push between Tommy’s shoulder blades convinced Tommy to keep moving. His legs felt heavy as he ascended the wooden stairs to the podium, the feeling of dread washing over him. He looked up as he was set on the trapdoor beneath him and the rope was tightened sharp around his neck, cutting in his flesh. “These two young men stand accused for the assassination of president Schlatt and the murder of many of his citizens. Do you have any last words?’, the man asked the two prisoners as they were ready to face their fate. “Blood for the blood god!”, Technoblade proclaimed, and then it was Tommy’s turn. Sweat ran down his temple as he stared at the crowd. Many were shouting, some insults, other pleading with the guards to spare them. A stone flew through the air, giving Tommy a nasty cut above the eyebrow as blood dripped into his eye. “I fought for you…”, he muttered softly at first, then spoke up louder when Technoblade gave him an encouraging smirk. “I fought for you!”, he repeated, no longer caring about his posture. “I won back this land for you, I gave up my discs for it!”, he yelled as hot tears ran over his cheek, feeling the rage grow inside him. “I saved you, I almost died for you!”, he spoke as he met each face staring at him. “For the revolution!”, Technoblade yelled out next to him, and some cheering was briefly heard in the distance. Tommy only had eyes for the executioner however as the man walked to the lever that would end their lives so soon. Technoblade saw it too for he let out a sigh before closing his eyes. Time seemed to slow down as the executioner rested his hand on the lever, looking over at the two men one last time before pulling it. Tommy met the man’s gaze as his eyes went from sorrowful to shock as a sword pierced through his chest. Before anyone could react, a gust of wind blew over the podium, followed by a flash of white, sending panic through the crowd. Tommy was struggling when the pressure from his neck was released causing him to sink to his knees. A hand appeared in front of his face and as he hesitantly accepted the help to get back to his feet, he looked up to meet Philza’s blue eyes, although the man looked ten years older. “Glad you’re safe. Come on, help me with Techno”, he just spoke, beckoning to his son. The two men struggled to support Technoblade in his weakened state, the man being so much heavier than the both of them, but they managed to help him down the stairs and into the crowd. “What’d you do to them”, Tommy asked as he saw his people clawing at their eyes or try to hide. “Just an old trick I had up my sleeve. They’ll be fine”, Philza muttered as he struggled with Techno’s weight leaning on him. Two horses were waiting for them, saddled and ready to go. After Tommy helped Philza to get Technoblade in an saddle, he turned to his father. “How’d you know?”. As an response, Philza retrieved a third bracelet to  show to Tommy. “You pressed the panic button, remember?”. Turning away to climb in the saddle behind Technoblade, he muttered “Besides, I can’t bear to lose another son”. Tommy nodded as Philza continued. “Let’s go now. We have a long way to go”. As Tommy climbed in the saddle, he looked at the remains of L’manberg one last time, thinking about his friends. With a pang he realized that this was just like the day of the election, as he was forced to flee together with Wilbur through the woods. “Please be safe Tubbo”, he whispered, realizing he was forced to abandon his friend a second time. Philza urged him to follow him and Tommy spurred on his garron to follow his father into the trees.

[kogiopsis]

That ways to say I love you post: if you have time, I would love to see 4 for Kalarin or 6 for Shadolin. Thanks!

Okay, I did #4 for Kalarin first and I am absolutely gonna do #6 for Shadolin ‘cause it’s perfect for them, but I want to post this one now. It’s almost 12:30 a.m. here and I stayed up later than I should have to finish it.

4. Instead of “thank you” or “see you soon” or “drive safe.” Because no matter what you say it’ll mean the same thing.

Setting: Canon setting, but to avoid spoilers this is set between OB and RoW. I have fudged some elements, including the obvious fact that they have not gotten together in canon. No actual spoilers, though there are some vague hints tying into events which unfold in RoW, just to make it feel more anchored in the timeline.

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Practice spears clacked together in a chaotic rhythm that was somehow still musical to Kaladin’s ears. He paced along the double line of sparring Windrunner recruits, adjusting stances and grips where necessary, offering praise where merited. They were doing well, these eager soldiers; Skar and Teft had been training them for a few weeks and weeding out those who had come with dreams of effortless elevation. Those who remained were willing to work hard, dedicated to something bigger than themselves. Almighty willing, the honorspren would see that in them too.

Syl darted through the tangle of spears, twirling around them as a ribbon of light, and met Kaladin at one end of the line to perch on his shoulder.

“We’re a long way from the chasms of the Shattered Plains, aren’t we?” Kaladin said, glancing at her. “And yet it doesn’t feel so far away at all.”

“Several miles higher up,” she said lightly. “And I rather liked going back to the Plains to train. There was always something to see.”

“We’ll go back eventually.” With Ialai Sadeas expanding her control of the former warcamps, Dalinar had decided it was too dangerous to take raw recruits to the Shattered Plains for the time being, so the Windrunners had taken over a stretch of Urithiru’s first-level terrace to train instead. The views of the mountains around them were dramatic, but it wasn’t the same.

From the direction of the tower came Rock’s booming laugh, carrying easily across the intervening space, and Kaladin turned to see the Horneater approaching, accompanied by Sigzil and a distinctive figure with a slim build and mixed blond-and-black hair. Renarin Kholin, wearing a rare open and unguarded smile. Heat rose in Kaladin’s cheeks at the sight.

Renarin raised a hand to waive as they drew closer, and Kaladin waived back before turning to the recruits and calling a rest break. They offered the Bridge Four salute, and then dispersed, and he turned to his approaching friends and… Renarin.

It was new, this thing between them. Drehy liked to insist that he call it ‘courting’, but that word didn’t feel quite right to Kaladin. Courting seemed more formal, stiff - traditional. The word reminded him of escorting Adolin and Shallan on outings together. That wasn’t what he and Renarin were doing - the closest they came to promenading about on walks was exploring as-yet uninhabited tiers of Urithiru, talking in quiet places far from the increasing hubbub of the lower floors and atrium. They didn’t exchange gifts, either, unless bringing each other food for the occasional missed meal counted. Courting had always been a dance to which Kaladin never knew the steps. What he had with Renarin… well, sometimes what scared him was how comfortable it felt.

“How are they, Captain?” Sigzil asked, gesturing at the trainees. Kaladin shrugged.

“Teft and Skar have done well with them. Worst outcome, even if the honorspren are choosy, we’ll have a good crop of spearmen here.” And spearwomen? The Windrunners didn’t discriminate by gender, but Kaladin wasn’t sure what the right word should be.

“Basic sparring drills, right? Rock and I will take them through the next set.”

“Your prince, he has something to say,” Rock added, with a grin. “We will tell them where to put their feet so you may have privacy for this thing.” Though he never fought himself, Rock had a knack for spotting unsteady stances, and seemed to enjoy showing recruits their errors by pushing them over. 

“Thanks,” Kaladin said with a nod. Rock cast a glance at Syl, still perched on Kaladin’s shoulder, and she zipped off to circle Rock’s head instead, following him back towards the trainees. Kaladin allowed himself to look directly at Renarin for the first time. It made him oddly nervous, despite the time they’d spent together, to let his gaze linger on the other man’s wind-ruffled hair and soft skin. Even though he’d touched that skin, run his fingers through that hair-

“I wanted to tell you,” Renarin said, “I’m going to Azir. It’s mostly diplomatic, but Father is concerned about the Emuli border and wants someone with Regrowth there in case - in case anything happens.”

“When? How long?” Kaladin was trying not to think about ‘in case anything happens’. Between Regrowth and Stormlight, Renarin was practically indestructible - Kaladin had heard about him taking on a Thunderclast at the Battle of Thaylen City - but the idea of him being in danger still sent a shock of fear down Kaladin’s spine. They hadn’t fought in the same battle since this relationship had started, and that was probably for the best. 

“Tomorrow. We aren’t sure. At least a week.” Renarin met his eyes briefly and then looked away, though he reached out to brush Kaladin’s hand. “Maybe longer depending on what the Azish need. I don’t… expect… anything untoward.” A circumspect way of saying he had seen nothing in his strange future-visions, though Renarin would be the first to admit that his visions could be wrong, and certainly didn’t account for every potential tragedy.

“Alright. I… thank you for telling me.” No, that was wrong. Too rigid. Kaladin grunted, frustrated at his own inadequacy. Why was this so hard? It was so easy to be with Renarin, and so difficult to talk about what they were to each other. He caught Renarin’s hand in his, tangled their fingers together and squeezed, hoping that would say more than his awkward words. Renarin squeezed back.

“Listen, Kaladin… I hope - I mean, I know we haven’t been together for very long but… I’ll miss you.” It sounded like an admission of some kind, a confession, and Renarin’s face was flushed as he spoke. 

If they had been in private, Kaladin could have pulled him in close and kissed him along those high Kholin cheekbones, savoring their warmth and saying with his actions what he couldn’t put into words. He gave in slightly to the temptation, reaching out with his free hand to run a thumb along Renarin’s jaw and tilt the prince’s head up a little bit. Cautiously, treading the fine line of public display, Kaladin pressed his forehead to Renarin’s, their noses just brushing, exhaled breath mingling.

I’ll miss you too, he thought, and Stay safe, and Come back soon. But when he opened his mouth to speak, what came out surprised them both.

“I love you,” he said softly, and then froze. He hadn’t meant to say it - but did he mean it? In a still moment of shock, Kaladin considered. Renarin was careful, but not cowardly; quiet, considered, and observant; always striving to be and do more. He didn’t stand on ceremony or rank, or cling to lighteyed pride, and Kaladin had found that that open, curious mind meant he often had some interesting observation of events or people, provided one was willing to listen. And most of all: he didn’t seem to need Kaladin to be anything more than what he was, even when he was in one of his gray, melancholy moods. They could sit in silence together, and Kaladin never had to pretend he was okay.

He let the words hang between them, waiting, feeling his heartbeat down to the tips of his fingers.

Renarin said, “Oh,” and even in that syllable Kaladin could hear a smile in his voice. “Oh, yes, me too - Kaladin - I love you too-” He tugged on their joined hands and pulled Kaladin forward into an embrace, a tight hug with his fingers splayed across Kaladin’s back, and Kaladin wrapped his arms firmly around Renarin in return. The blue leaves of joyspren twirled around them, and he was almost certain the recruits would be watching… and in that moment, he didn’t care.

[secretlittlerandezvous]

Parting The Ways - Jake Debrusk

Summary: Jake breaks up with the reader. The breakup takes a hard toll on them and they’re unable to move on. David Pastrnak and his girlfriend Rebecca plan a way to make Jake and Y/n meet again and to ease the pain.

Words: 2096

Jake took a deep breath and gathered all the courage and strength that was left in him to finally say the words he had on his mind for a while now. “I think we should break up.” He whispered.

Y/n nodded and nervously played with the ring on her finger and as she looked down at her hand, she tried to fight back the tears so he wouldn’t see them. “Maybe we should.” She agreed although it wasn’t what she thought. But she wanted to make it easier for him. It was just something that came naturally to her to help him and to make everything as easy as possible for him and even know when he was breaking up with her, she couldn’t help it.

Y/n wanted to kiss him goodbye one last time, but she couldn’t, and he expected to get a kiss too but understood why she couldn’t do so. He couldn’t wrap his hand around her waist, and she couldn’t bear to look at him for any longer than a few seconds. They stood in front of each other for a few minutes in complete silence and neither one of them wanted to leave because they knew it would be the last time, they see each other.

...

Y/n was in her bed staring out of the window watching the sun rising slowly but surely. She occasionally heard her phone ringing somewhere in the distance, but she couldn’t care less about it and she certainly didn’t want to bother with getting up and answering the phone to whoever was disturbing her this early. She couldn’t move or speak anyway and after crying all night she couldn’t even cry. All that she could do was to stare out of that window thinking about all the people who were in the same situation as her feeling just as lonely and heartbroken. Her body was in pain, aching so overwhelmingly that she felt herself getting number with each second. Y/n tried to close her eyes and get some much-needed sleep but whenever she closed her eyes, she saw his face and heard him say “we should break up” over and over again. The memory of yesterday broke her heart a little more each time she thought about it. She was filled with loneliness and her mind traveled back to him whenever she stopped focusing on something else. His face, his smile, his voice, and his arms spread wide open for her to hide inside them. Y/n missed everything about him. The weight of reality sat on her small shoulders and the whole situation was becoming confusing to her. She knew Jake and she knew that at one point he did love her, and they were once a happy couple. And that’s why she couldn’t figure out why it ended so suddenly.

The bed was exceptionally empty without him there now when she knew he wouldn’t come home eventually and lay down next to her. Y/n looked over at the side where he always slept and grabbed the pillow. She held it tightly to her chest and buried her face in it taking in the smell of his cologne that still lingered on it. Her mind wandered back to him again and she started hoping he would call and come around to tell her he was wrong and that he wants her to forget everything he said. She didn’t feel like herself at all because the happy girl who was madly in love was gone and instead, she became a total wreck. All she wished for was to melt into the sheets and disappear to be free from all the pain and confusion.

The following weeks passed quickly and Y/n felt like she was slowly becoming able to leave the house for longer than a few hours to go work and she stopped avoiding all her friends she previously pushed away because of the fear of having to explain the breakup and she didn’t want to face the sympathetic looks and motivational speeches and useless advices. She knew she had to get over it by herself but god it was hard. There were moments when she forgot all about him and had fun and laughed and smiled without him. She experienced moments where she was so happy that it seemed like her heart would burst. But then she heard his name or saw a post about him because he scored, she saw his picture and all the pain came back as if it never left. And she cried for a week straight, every night until the early hours of the morning. She cried because she missed him because she was angry at him and whenever she went out for a walk every corner reminded her of him. Y/n tortured herself by looking at their pictures and wore his shirt to bed almost every night and she was not willing to throw away all his stuff he left at her place or all the gifts he gave her. Everyone advised her to do so but she refused. Y/n wanted to keep it as a reminder that everything they had truly happened.

Now she was able to look back at their relationship and she realized there were signs that things weren’t quite alright, but she was a fool and didn’t notice them right away. Small hints and signs she ignored because she thought they weren’t important. She was so in love with him that in her eyes everything was perfect and nothing bad could possibly happen between them. Now she felt stupid and her heart was shattered to tiniest little pieces. Insecurities and doubts took over her and messed with her head. Was she ever loved by him? Maybe she never had his heart and it was all just a beautiful dream or a foolish idea to think a guy like him could love her. But whenever things started getting bad again, she caught herself, kept her mind busy and she knew she would be okay one day. Y/n understood that repairing from so much pain and from all the bruises would take a while, she knew she lost a piece of herself when she lost him, and she kept hoping that in time he would be out of her mind for good.

Jake although he felt pretty much the same, he kept his cool and focused on hockey even more than usual. He spent every free second at the ice rink or at the gym where he let out his anger and pain. The boys asked no question as they were aware of what happened, and they decided it was only for the best to let Jake take his times and because they knew he would open up eventually by himself without the unnecessary pressure.

When Jake woke up in the mornings, he had no sense of time and space. His eyes were fixated on the picture hanging on the wall right in front of him - the picture of him and her at their friend’s wedding. His eyes felt heavy and he felt a pain in his chest as if someone stabbed him in the heart and repeated it every once in a while. His hands and legs were sore from the excessive workouts he was doing every day to keep himself busy and he felt like not moving for the rest of the day. Staying in bed seemed like a much better idea although he refused to do so for most days as he believed that working hard was better for him than crying. He released his anger and pain through the hard work and as a bonus he got to practice a bit more than usual. Somewhere in the distance, his phone buzzed but he didn’t even acknowledge it and decided it was one of the boys anyway making sure he was alright.

Jake was drowning in his own thoughts for the past few days, always coming back to the night he and Y/n parted their ways and cursed himself forever saying the words out loud. He himself couldn’t understand why it even crossed his mind and what led him to make such a decision but at that moment it felt right to him. He knew how hard it was for her to deal with being apart all the time, how sad she was when he canceled dates because he was too tired although she always insisted that it was okay. He knew he wanted to make anything he could to make her happy and that’s why he probably decided it was only for the best to break up with her. She could walk free, stop stressing about everything, and though Jake couldn’t imagine seeing her with anyone else it was a chance for her to find someone else. Someone who would have more time for her and could be with her whenever she wanted or needed. Maybe he should’ve been a little more selfish and keep her no matter what.

When he wasn’t on the ice or at the gym he usually went out with the guys and he drunk until the early hours of the morning to forget all about her. However soon he realized it was just making things wrong especially when he caught himself turning around and opening his mouth to tell her something. She was never there and that broke his heart. He noticed her absence a little more when he was with people and he saw her in crowds and heard her voice calling his name on the street. Sometimes he woke up in the middle of the night and intuitively reached out for her only to find out her side of the bed was empty. And it was a big mystery to him if he would ever get over her.

...

Jake and Y/n reunited together at David’s birthday party. Neither one of them planned to go if the other would be there but after they were assured that wouldn’t happen, they agreed on going. Rebecca, David’s girlfriend invented Y/n promising her that David and the boys will celebrate later, and this was just a little party she was throwing for him. Jake on the other hand was invited and assured by David as well as Charlie and Matt who confirmed everything David promised. “Don’t worry Jake it’ll be just us,” David said dozens of times and eventually Jake started to believe him.

In reality, the group planned this. It was the only way they could get Jake and Y/n to the same spot and force them to talk to each other. Everyone noticed how heartbroken they were and even people who knew them shortly could tell that the two belonged together. No one understood the sudden break up as they always seemed to be madly in love and they never heard any complaints. So, David’s upcoming birthday seemed like the perfect occasion to invite the two, make them go out, and hopefully mend their hearts and save their relationship.

“Since it’s my birthday and I should get everything I ask for,” David started his speech, and everyone gathered in the living room to listen to him. “I would like to ask my buddy Jake and this amazing girl Y/n to finally talk together because we are all tired of listening to your constant whining.” Everyone in the room laughed while Jake seemed embarrassed and Y/n went to gather all her stuff and quickly ran to the door.

“Y/n wait!” Jake called behind her and followed her outside the building where he found her standing by the sidewalk and wiping away the tears. “He was right. Everyone except me was right.”

“What do you mean?” She whispered and looked up at Jake bravely though it hurt to do so.

“The breakup? It was bullshit and I shouldn’t have said that. I regret it from the second I said the words out loud!” Jake admitted and grabbed Y/n shaking hands into his. “I was so wrong baby, and I know that. I thought you would be better off without me but I can’t stand the thought of not having you.”

“Oh Jake,” Y/n cried out and smiled immediately after that. “I love you. You don’t deserve it but I love you.” She laughed.

“I know I don’t, and I promise if you give me a chance, I will do better.”

“Take me home then,” Y/n said and hugged Jake tightly.

He did the same and as he planted a kiss on her forehead he whispered, “Let’s go then.”

[featherburnt]

skdjbfsikfd Y’all, okay, so back before I knew what I was even doing with Saryn’s character, I was super torn between making him a villain or a hero, completely forgetting that vigilante was an option and also that you can still be a hero with a complicated opinion/thought process/history, etc etc. This rant is MONTHS old, but it really helped me decide where to take his character - which is...well, not to make him a villain. Just a super angsty hero. 

    So, there are two potential outcomes that could result from all that’s happened in Saryn’s life and what arises from the ashes of his shattered resolve: Will he become a hero, like he always wanted to be, or will he shift the blame from himself onto pro heroes and become a villain? Will he hold fast to his desire to protect other people, be they civilians, friends, even lovers? Or, will he seek refuge among those who, in some ways, understand him, stoke the flames of his rage, corrupt him? Both are possible and equally as likely, and here’s why.

    It begins and ends with his trauma - just like everyone else.

    ————-

    His younger years (up to age 8) were spent in the care of his birth parents, Shiroma Hisato (a mid-level hero; Firebrand) and Juno Miris (an American low-level hero; Dogstar). The first five years of his childhood were altogether very normal. He was free to watch tv, play, be a kid, and get excited about heroes such as All Might, and both Hisato and Juno encouraged him to become a hero some day - just like them. They started training him early on, before his quirk ever began to reveal itself, pushing him through certain forms of endurance training and mixed martial arts in an effort to both prime him for his quirk and his future as a hero. He had to be ready for anything that came his way; The world was far more dangerous than it’d ever been and he was their only child. He had to be the best, no matter the cost, and, so, they were incredibly strict about his training. But, when he began to display aspects of his quirk, a touch later than most (age 6), their views on the matter turned on a dime. It stopped being about providing him with the tools necessary to survive, to become a hero, and entirely about controlling him. See, his quirk was an unexpected marriage of their own and instead of being proud of what they created, instead of finding an upside, all they could see was a blackmark, a wild and vicious mistake. The love they had for him had been quickly replaced by regret and disgust, seeing his aggression, making note of how easily he could be set off when he was overwhelmed. The dog in him came first, and it became a point of contention between him and the other children his age - and the worst part was, he didn’t understand why.

    He wasn’t aggressive at first, still figuring things out about his quirk, excited to even have one. He wanted to share it, show everyone, boast about it, and play with all the others, but some found him a little scary despite having only seen one aspect of his quirk and it was entirely because of his increased aggression. Any hands that came near him were instinctively bitten by jaws transformed by exposed muscle and twisted fangs (beginnings of Devil Dog), and while this began as an instinctual defense mechanism, it became much more severe, often resulting in terrible injuries. Things only compounded when the other aspect of his quirk (flame) came into the mix. In the end, he was ostracized, alienated, and left to flounder on his own - Ironic, considering there are other students with aggression issues and interesting enough quirks to match that weren’t given the same treatment. His teachers chalked it up to him simply acting out and this was true, for the most part, but he had no idea how to control his instinctive impulses, let alone his quirk, on the whole.

    Regardless, something had to be done about his behavior. He needed to be corrected lest he bring shame upon the family name - or kill someone. Hisato and Juno’s fears were warranted in some ways, but proved to be terribly irrational the moment they took to…disciplining him. Any outbursts, back-talk, use of his quirk for anything but his training, childishness, etc. was met with over-reaction and violence. They did not level with him. They hardly spoke to him outside of training. Every bit of love was gone, replaced only by steadily building hatred of him. Hisato took on the bulk of his punishments and often had he dragged him along for training sessions, hands overheated by agitation, and every single time did he leave a burn. Saryn was not allowed to protest, but throughout the duration of these sessions, he was terrified of his father. Again, he had no understanding as to why he was being treated this way, not by his peers at school and certainly not by his parents. So much of his time was spent crying, and even that was met with harsher treatment.

    In sparring with Hisato, it was common for him to make use of his Devil Dog ability, in which his body would shift and change to allow for flexible ‘plates’ made from raw, exposed muscle to form over vital parts of his body, the most notable being his face (shite reference here). He was, of course, instructed to use it and, despite his fear, he would inevitably wind up biting the ever-loving shit out of his father. Sometimes, a chunk or two would be taken. This is what made way for the use of a muzzle, and focus was then turned onto other aspects of his quirk. It was humiliating, painful, and crushing for Saryn - because even after each training session, the muzzle would stay on. Demoralized, depressed, alienated, afraid, and gradually becoming more and more bitter, his parents would begin to see the changes they wanted; He was so lethargic and low-energy that his teachers reported no further incidents. He rarely spoke, and he wouldn’t even when he was called on to answer questions or read passages from school books. His grades slipped, too, and some of his peers started thinking he was stupid. He was teased and bullied accordingly.

    The only good thing to come out of any of this was the steady gain of control over both his emotions and certain aspects of his quirk, and he’d progressed to a point Hisato and Juno deemed it necessary to soften a little, throw him a bone. He was their son, after all. Their only son. During one particularly messy training session in late autumn, Saryn asked his father to make things harder for him. He wanted to know that everything he’d suffered up to this point meant something. He wanted to know that he’d made progress. Hisato relented, and everything went about as well as you’d expect. Saryn used his anger, his pain, his sadness as fuel, pushing himself to keep going even when he didn’t have the energy, and, for a brief moment, both of his parents were proud of him. For a long time, they’d been pushing him to and beyond his limits, leading to the discovery of a handful of abilities in relation to his quirk, and he was using them intelligently for his age. Of course, this momentary sense of pride was terribly short-lived, as when Juno went to remove his muzzle, he reacted like an animal, caught by surprise and trapped in the throes of his quirk; He snapped his jaws around her hand so fast, it was ripped clean off. Hisato burned him for this, grabbing him by the arm and damn near lighting him on fire - and he couldn’t even scream.

    Life after that was very different for him. While his mother was in the hospital, his father sought out the necessary avenues for putting him up for adoption. Saryn was entirely on his own from then on. Hisato never spoke to him again and Juno swore she’d never return home so long as he was there. A few short months later, he was dropped off at some adoption agency and he never saw his parents again. By this point, he is only 8-years-old.

    Truthfully, he didn’t rightly know how to feel, let alone how to express his feelings. He started life well-loved, his dreams encouraged, but the moment his quirk developed, everything was turned on its head and he was punished for it. He didn’t know how to control it at first and wound up harming the people around him, be they fellow students or his parents, and it frightened him. Worse, still, were the punishments themselves. Being muzzled for hours at a time, burned or beaten into silence, pushing and pushing and pushing to be what his parents wanted him to be– It took its toll, and Saryn could not trust himself, couldn’t trust anyone else. He missed his parents, but he hated them, too. He wanted to be a hero, to use his quirk to protect others, but how could he when all he seemed capable of doing was hurting people? He felt guilt, shame, disgust in himself, and he was bitter about his life, hateful, angry– And he’d no outlet, no one to turn to at all.

    A few months later, a woman by the name of Yana Ivaniuk (a Ukrainian scientist specializing in quirks and DNA, working with the Japanese government), came into the agency. She was a kindhearted woman, and she’d chosen him. The paperwork had already gone through when she visited and he was taken away with her that very same day. It was a confusing time for him, to say the least. He didn’t understand why she’d wanted him, what she hoped to achieve, and he didn’t trust her by any stretch, but some parts of him wanted to. Over the next several years (ages 9-16), his training continued and he was given a surprising amount of support and encouragement from Yana, who had come to genuinely love him as though she were of his own flesh and blood. Great effort on her part was put into repairing the damage caused by his birth parents. She included him on the not-so secret aspects of her research, teaching him all about how quirks work and more. She gave him the space he needed to train on his own and would check on him to see how he was doing. Her gentle, supportive approach had a significant impact on him, enough for him to eventually let his guard down completely. He grew to trust her and, eventually, love her. She was his mother, in his eyes. The next several years would pass without incident. Their little family unit was stable, tight-knit, and he even started to come out of his shell in other social situations.

    He loved Yana. He looked up to her, valued her advice, valued their little family with all his heart. He learned so much more from her than he ever did Hisato and Juno. And he was loved in turn.

    Unfortunately, however, during his first year at U.A. High, just two weeks before the sports festival, Yana would tragically lose her life to an unknown villain. Heroes did nothing. The police did nothing. And he could do nothing. There were no updates. As far as he knew, there was no further investigation. All he knew was all that would consume him: Grief. He saw the blood, her lifeless body, the state of their home. He saw the lights, all those horrible faces looking at him, camera flashes, officers collecting evidence, shattered windows, decimated floorboards. She put up a fight, at least, and he wasn’t sure if that’d made everything worse. He felt nothing but shame, guilt, like it was his fault she’d been killed. If he’d only come home sooner, he could’ve done something. He could’ve protected her. If he hadn’t gone to school at all that day, she’d still be alive. If only, if only, if only, if only– Old habits beaten into him as a child resurfaced and he withdrew once more, socially isolating himself from his classmates. He put himself on auto-pilot, focusing his energies into his studies and preparations for the festival, cutting off any who tried to converse with him. He moved into a small apartment relatively close to U.A. with his inheritence, but even that was put off and procrastinated on in favor of burying himself in busywork. He had to keep going. He had to keep pushing himself forward or he’d fall apart.

    But he did anyway, when the festival came.

    After the festival, he begins to really question his role as a fledgling hero, kept alone with his thoughts in hospital. He questions the lines drawn between heroes and villains, what makes someone a hero, what makes someone a villain. He questions everything he’s seen on tv, everything he’s been led to believe. He questions whether or not the ends justify the means, if becoming a hero is worth all his own suffering and loss. His resolve has all but tanked and he has next to no morale, struggling with his own preconceptions of what it means to be a hero, all the while still very much dealing with the loss of his adoptive mother. What point is there to any of this when he’s lost everything? Why should he keep pushing himself to move forward when there’s nothing left? What difference would it make if he became a hero or villain, if he lived or died? What good could he possibly do? And why should he continue looking up to any of the pro heroes when they did nothing about the villain who slaughtered his mother? How can they be role models if they don’t follow through on the promises they swore to fulfill, if they don’t catch the bad guy?

    And the rest is ultimately history.

    ————–

    So, we see his trauma here. Abuse from his birth parents and the death of his adoptive mother. We see this profound lack of support early on in his life, suddenly gaining it, and eventually losing it completely. We see him beaten, burned, muzzled, and abandoned. We see him supported and loved, only to lose that when his adoptive mother is murdered. We see him beginning to question every aspect of his life, his motivations, how things really work between heroes and villains. We see him lose his resolve. And we see him push through every bit of it anyway.

    The way the rest of his life plays out is entirely dependent on his upbringing and certain events and trials faced during his time at U.A. As I said before, there are two possible directions he can go: Hero, or Villain. What it will come down to is whether or not he can hold true to what motivated him to become a hero in the first place. He hates unnecessary suffering, hates seeing people suffer, and it was his goal to protect people, keep their families together, prevent tragedy where possible, put villains behind bars. This was such a strong motivator for him even when he was facing his abuse that no matter how bad things got for him, he was still so focused on becoming a hero so he could make up for everything he’d done and protect everyone he’d ever hurt. Even Hisato and Juno. Having his resolve shaken and ideals challenged by his circumstances pushes him to a certain point where he could either rediscover his core desire to protect or head down a dark and terrible path.

    Does he put his nose to the grindstone to achieve his original goals, or does he allow his anger, hatred, sadness, and grief to consume him? Does he make his concerns known to the pro heroes he’s learning from, or does he bottle them and let them fester? What would serve as the catalyst to solidify his position as a hero or villain? Would his classmates try to level with him, befriend him, and support him in what ways they could? Would he even accept it? Would some horrible person try to convince him that he is justified in his thoughts and feelings, that it’s okay to be angry and let loose, punish those who have harmed him or stood by and done nothing all the while? Would it be a mixture of both? Would he continue to be confused and torn on what he’s supposed to do with himself well into adulthood? Would he consider hunting down the villain responsible for his mother’s death, and would he attempt to kill them? Would he succeed? Would he die himself?

    I’d like to say it’s clear cut for him, but it isn’t. Saryn’s always been on his own mentally and emotionally, and the resounding lack of support from people who are supposed to support him is more demoralizing than you’d think. The weekly chats with the guidance counsilor do absolutely nothing for him. Passing comments from his teachers do nothing for him. Even if there are people who understand his plight, he has been lost in the shuffle, no focus put on him for anymore than half an hour once a week. He’s already feeling like he’s been hung out to dry, forgotten, like everything that’s happened in his life is just meaningless suffering on top of more meaningless suffering, that he has no place among heroes, and he’s so angry, hurt, still grieving his loss. Will no one look at him, talk to him, anything? Is he not worth the effort?

    I think, ultimately, the answer to the question of whether or not he’d become a hero or a villain is muddied and unclear. At the very least, he’d have a complicated relationship with the idea of heroism and would be the sort of hero to make the hard decisions no one else wants to make or are bound not to by law. He’d make reactive decisions, sacrifice one to save many, and I think this, too, would take a huge toll him. His career as a hero would be dramatically cut short by his decisions and he’d either be imprisoned or killed in action, which is already an occupational hazard and statistical probability. In the end, though, it’s somewhat more likely that he would give up on becoming a hero entirely. He might not side with other villains or any one organization, but he would become one if only by virtue of his desire to hunt down those responsible for his mother’s death and the resulting cover up (her research was vitally important and if word got out that it was stolen by villains, there’d be hell to pay, so all but her murder was kept from the public, and he only knew this because he had some knowledge of her research to start with). If he had any influences during this time, it’s possible he could be swayed to kill others, including heroes and other villains. His birth parents would also be victims of his wrath and for good reason.

    He’s just this kid who gets lost in the shuffle and has to navigate everything on his own. No one gives a shit. No one cares. So, why fight for them at all? He’d end up parroting the same bullshit as some people in the LoV, so consumed by the pains of his life and his rage. At best, he’d be disgruntled hero with no faith in the system, and at worst, he’d become what he once aimed to protect people from, the monster he never wanted to be.

    He’d just end up a killer.

[yourlocalslasher]

If you’re still doing request, could I have some slashers finding out their SO cheated?

ahhh fuck not angst im trying to eat my mac n cheese happily ;A; (this became so long im so sorry) (oH and Freddy ends up killing the s/o bc honestly that would happen so-)

Slashers finding out their s/o cheated

JASON

Jason had decided to come home early, flowers in hand, and a wooden ring with a white gemstone in his pocket. Today was the day.

When he arrived at the cottage, he saw a car that he knew most definitely wasn’t yours. This was suspicious...

He opened the door, dropping the bouquet of flowers when he saw the other man.

Your body was on the other man, the both of you lying on the couch. When you looked up, you knew immediately that you fucked up.

Apologetically, you jumped from the couch to retrieve the Jason that now stormed out into the woods, tears falling every which way down his face and mask.

That's when you saw the ring in his pocket fall out, and your heart skipped a beat.

He was going to propose....

And then you too started to cry, and you fell to the ground in the empty forest, clutching the ring to your chest. This was all a huge mess that you could have avoided...

His whole world is shaken now. He won’t eat. He won’t leave the old cottage. Now Jason spends his days sitting by his mothers severed head.

You’d run off, too upset to ever show your face in Jasons corner of New Jersey ever again.

You were furious with yourself. How could you do this? You loved Jason, and he was irreplaceable. He loved you with his whole heart and you went and crushed it.

Jason doesn’t even kill anymore. He intends to sit there until he rots into the ground. There's nothing worth doing anymore...

MICHAEL

Halloween had just happened yesterday, and Michael was overly exhausted. A bunch of new people had moved to Haddonfield this year, there were just so many targets.

He arrived home quite late and approached you in the kitchen. You were giggling and your eyes were glued to your phone.

Silently, he walked to you, hovering over your shoulder to see what the big deal was.

You were looking at selfies and pics a new guy had sent you, and didn’t realize Michael was right behind you. But you did notice when he snatched your phone from your unsuspecting hands.

Michael knew this was not him. These were not his texts. Why were you talking to this other man? He held the phone up high so only he could read it, ignoring your pleas to give it back.

Anger boiled inside him the farther he went, you’d sent provocative photos to this man, the man that was not him.

His grip on the phone tightened, bending the sides. Then he slammed it to the ground.

Your eyes widened, Michaels strong hand nearing your throat. Now there were tears in your eyes as you rethought all your horrible decisions. You should have known Michael was going to find out eventually, and be very mad.

As his hand wrapped around your throat, you excepted your fate. But you were surprised as he lifted you into the air, giving one last hard squeeze before dropping you to the ground.

Michael left promptly, walking to his old house in Haddonfield. You were left in the kitchen, holding your throat which had bright red marks on it. You couldn’t help but lie down slowly, crying to yourself when you realized Michael had just left you. Goddamnit, why couldn’t you just stay loyal.

He says to himself he doesn’t need you. He never has. You were simply another body to him. He can survive easily on his own.

But maybe...there’s just a little part of him...that wishes you were still with him...

BUBBA

It's nice to relax on a hot day in Texas, which is exactly what you and Bubba were doing. A sweet tea in hand, you laughed and talked with him, handing him a flower crown that you put together from the nearby bushes.

Bubba sat back with a smile, shoving the flower crown down onto his head. But in the distance, he could hear a truck, even though Drayton and the twins were sitting outback. Who could be stopping by?

As soon as you heard it, your eyes widened and you quickly set down your drink. You knew exactly who it was, and your heart rate went up when you saw Bubba follow you to the car pulling up.

He couldn't quite tell who it was, but he followed behind you, standing by your side when you stopped at the truck.

Even Drayton and the twins had stood and followed, and now your stomach was churning. Bubba waved at the man who stepped out of the truck, completely unaware the shit that was about to go down

“Please, not right now please can we talk another time-”

The man looked at you with a sneer, causing Bubba to cower behind you further as his smile faded.

“Who’s this babe?” When the man pulled you to his side, you saw Bubba cock his head. Who was this guy? Did he just call you ‘babe’?

Drayton and the twins stood with their arms folded by Bubba, looking confused. “More like who’r you.” Drayton spoke out. This was not going to be good.

“I’m y/n’s boyfriend. Nice to meet you.” You bit your lip, your eyes watering as you watched Bubba’s painful reaction. He stepped back, his lip quivering as he tilted his head again. Big puppy dog eyes stared back at you as your heart shattered.

And oh boy you could tell Drayton was BEYOND pissed. His cold expression glared at you as he took the now crying Bubba into his arms. Drayton normally would never hug Bubba, more or less stick up for him, But he was infuriated.

You knew Drayton was yelling at you, but all of a sudden everything went silent. Just static. Bubba was crying into the arm of Drayton while the twins were going along with whatever Drayton said. The other man had left in all the chaos, but you didn’t care.

You’d frantically ran inside, tears streaming down your face as you packed your bags. You couldn’t take it. The pitiful expression that never left Bubbas face would kill you if you stayed any longer.

As for Bubba, he no longer babbled excitedly, or smiled with giggles when something happened. All he could do was mope around, killing the very few intruders who came by. Nothing made him happy anymore.

He’d often cry himself to sleep, thinking only about you. For once he had trusted someone, loved someone, given them all he had, and now he wished he’d never been born.

FREDDY

You were dreaming about the other man, not even remembering Freddy had access to all of your dreams. As a matter of fact, you’d forgotten he existed.

Walking and talking with the other man, you went about your dream, carelessly smiling and laughing like your life wasn’t in danger.

Freddy had been watching for a good 15 minutes, and he was sick inside. How could you do such a thing. Even though he called you a bitch countless times, he still cared for you. He still loved you. You’d completely betrayed his trust. Eyes burning with rage and sadness, he huffed to himself before deciding to end it now.

Then you heard a distinct tapping noise. One that would have scared anyone else but you. You could tell that tapping from anywhere, its Fred. Oh fuck you’ve screwed up now.

You felt a certain feeling rush over you. It wasn’t fear, wasn’t anger, and it wasn’t sadness. It was guilt.

The shadow with a fedora disappeared, and instead, a real Freddy appeared between you and the other man.

“I should’a known a bitch like you would pull a stunt like this.” You looked to Freddy, about to apologize. He stopped you quickly.

“I don’t wanna hear it, you’re just another slut that I never shoulda trusted.” The audible pain in his gruff voice made your insides twist and ache. Suddenly, you didn’t want the other man. You just wanted Freddy. But the tears brimming at your eyes held you back for some reason.

He was just mad now. Losing the sadness, or even the jealousy, he just hated everyone and everything. Never again was he gonna love someone. It's just a big fat fucking mistake that ends in pain.

Drawing back his hand he effortlessly impaled the other man, who had been sleeping next to you in real life. Blood coated your face as you screamed, the tears that were pent up finally flowing down your face.

Freddy's head snapped towards you as he gritted his teeth, jamming the bloodied blades through your chest. He got sprayed with your blood, dropping your lifeless body to the ground.

It was over. You and the other man were gone. Dead. But for some reason, he didn’t feel any better. He felt worse.

Killing became a chore for him, his interest in killing teens almost faded. He didn’t need you though. Freddy doesn’t need an s/o. They all hurt him anyways...

[lilulo-12fanfiction]

Heart Of The Matter

Heart of the Matter- Bucky Barnes x Reader

Requested by @darkness-in-bright with prompts:

46. “Are you decent?” “Not morally, but I am wearing pants, if that’s what you’re asking.

126. I really want to talk to you. And not through the door.

138. “You don’t get to say anything to me!”

So for the purposes of this story- Tony didn't die, Steve isn't an old man. End Game had a happier ending. Reader is Tony’s daughter...because we all know my sheer OBSESSION with Stark readers and OCs. She was about 15 at the time of the first Avengers movie so if I did my math right...With the End Game time jump she should be 27ish. If I’m wrong...pretend I’m not. This is like 7K words and I’m not even sorry. 😂

As always likes, comments and reblogs are SO APPRECIATED. Requests are open (Avengers, Supernatural, TVD/The Originals. I do dabble in some Green Arrow and The Flash (DC TV Only please). Prompt list can be found here. 

Please let me know if you would like to be added to this tag list or one of my others. 

Avengers Tag List: @shreddedparchment @fanfictionjunkie1112@this-is-mycrisis

Avengers Masterlist

As Tony Stark’s daughter, people treated you differently your whole life. You were always catered to, and you kind of hated it. It took you a long time to come to terms with the fact that you would never have a normal life. When you were 12, Tony was kidnapped. The video of him that the kidnappers sent still plagued your dreams to this day. When you finally got him back and he came out as Iron Man, that had made you give up your dream of having any normality; You were happy to let it go, you couldn’t have been more proud of your father.

Tony had always been in your life. At first it was minimal because your mother used you as a bargaining chip for money. Your mother had been a girl he met out and had a fling with. By the time you were 3, you were with him full time. When Tony had found out your mother was abusing prescription meds, he cleaned his life up and fought for you. He still had his fun, but taking care of you came first. Eventually she vanished from your life after a handful of supervised visits.

While Tony was busy saving the world, you were working on your studies. You attended a private a school to help keep you out of the lime light. You remembered hearing about Captain America from Agent Coulson and were excited to meet him when you found out he came out of the ice. You didn’t know your grandparents. He knew your grandfather. You wanted to learn about a different side of him. Phil had promised to arrange it, but then Loki and the Chitauri came for New York. You had been only 15 at the time. By some stroke of luck you had gone unharmed. You had been through a lot in your young life already, and watching Tony disappear through that hole in the sky had shaken you to your core. You had been in the tower and had run outside crying. Steve Rogers had caught you in his arms and held you tight while you broke down. He didn’t let you go until Tony opened his eyes. That day forged a bond with you and Steve. He became the big brother you had always needed.

Once things had settled down, you closed yourself off from everyone, including your father. Tony had to hire a tutor for you to continue your school work because you wouldn’t leave the tower. Tony has been distraught when he couldn’t reach you. It had been Steve that had broken through your walls after he moved in to The Avengers tower. He had let you guide him through all of the pop culture he didn’t understand and he earned your trust by treating you like you were his equal, not a kid. He didn’t try to get you to talk like Tony and Pepper did. He didn’t treat you like glass the way Happy and Rhodey did. He would tell you stories about when he was a kid and how he was trying to adjust after being gone for so long. Eventually, you slowly started opening up. You told him how you were certain that being Iron Man would take your father from you too soon but that he had to do it. The world needed heroes like him and Steve. You confessed your fears of being ill prepared for what was coming in the world. You couldn’t protect yourself, and the idea that you would be a distraction from other people being saved ate at you. Steve taught you how to defend yourself, you trained with him. Tony had been grateful that Steve had helped you and brought his brilliant and loving daughter back to life. Like Tony, you graduated high school far too early. At 16, went to Columbia University to get your degree in computer science and engineering, you also minored in Business. At age 20 you had a masters degree and you were helping Pepper with Stark Industries. Eventually it would be yours to take over. You also worked behind the scenes for The Avengers. Tony had been insistent that you never went into the field, but he didn't mind you working at the tower with Maria Hill.

The time of the Accords had been one of the worst times in your life. Watching Steve and Tony fracture down the middle. You saw both sides and cried when you told Steve you had to stand with your father. No matter what, you would never turn your back on Tony. The two of you were a team. Steve understood that more than you knew at the time. You had been shattered when you found out about Bucky being the one that murdered your grandparents and the fact that Steve had covered it up. Steve had told you so many stories about Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. Your brain couldn’t reconcile the fun loving man and the Soldier that gave your grandparents such a violent end. Steve’s lie had hurt more than anything, yet part of you understood. You knew what Bucky meant to him. Bucky was his family and he would do anything to protect him. After all...there wasn't a thing in the world you wouldn't do to protect your father.

It had been you that convinced Tony that it wasn’t Bucky’s fault. You were a woman obsessed after Steve went on the run. You needed to understand. You had done extensive research into Hydra after everything that had happened. You needed to be able to separate The Winter Soldier from Bucky Barnes. You believed that Steve knew James Barnes best. He was rarely wrong. When you delved into the research into how they had programmed him, you felt instant regret for the rift between you and Steve. You begged Tony to find a way to forgive and move on. You had reached out to Steve a few times and met once. Steve had been hesitant, not because he didn’t trust you, but because he was afraid you would get hurt. You had to forgive him and in person and so he agreed. You spent two days with him and Sam in South America. It had been hard to leave them knowing you didn’t know if and when you would see them again. Tony knew you had seen Steve and made amends, he just wasn’t ready yet. Tony wanted to find your level of empathy, he just needed to work at it. Then Thanos happened and your world shattered again.

your father disappeared onto that space ship. Bruce has called Steve, Nat, Sam and Wanda for help. You had been a wreck when they walked back into the compound. Steve wanted you to stay behind but there was no way you were staying. At the very least you could help Shuri get the Infinity Stone from Vision. You ended up on the battlefield and watched everyone around you crumble into nothing. You were inconsolable until Carol Danvers rescued your father. When all seemed lost, you helped your father heal and settle down into a quiet life. He married Pepper and you finally had a sister.

After 5 years of despair, it was time to fight again. And while you got the world back. While the loss of Nat was nearly suffocating, you couldn't be more proud of her and her sacrifice. You had almost lost Tony when he snapped Thanos out of existence. He was never quite the same physically, but he happily accepted it to live in peace with his family knowing he had stopped the Mad Titan. It was his “one last mission” and he was lucky he made it back home.

You found anything but peace. You needed to do more than sitting behind a desk. After meeting Carol Danvers you realized that another Thanos could come your way and even if one didn’t, the world was in disarray again since the population had been restored. So, you joined the newly formed SHIELD. It was during this time you had gotten to know James Buchanan Barnes and he turned your world upside down. You found yourself getting lost in the blue of his eyes on more than one occasion. Goosebumps covered your skin any time his hands were on you during training. You had started looking forward to missions with just the two of you and then you started to realize he was like Steve. Steve Rogers acting as a over protective big brother was bad enough, you didn’t need his side kick jumping in on the mix. You thought that with all of the training you had done and how you continually proved yourself would be enough, clearly you were wrong. Bucky did whatever he could to block you out, keep you in the jet or back at the compound. You had finally had enough.

“No! You don't get to say anything to me right now." You were raging. Bucky had just gotten back from the mission that you were supposed to go on with him. He had again convinced Steve that he didn't need you. He botched the mission and almost got himself killed. He was trying to talk his way out of it and you didn’t want to hear it.

"Y/N, calm down." Bucky immediately regretted it. He saw the rage burn behind your eyes. Sam had his arms crossed in front of him, leaning against the counter of the common area kitchen enjoying the show. Bucky should have known better, you had quite the temper.

“Calm down?! God I am so sick of this! It’s because Tony is my father, isn’t it? It’s such bullshit! You needed me on that mission. I could have gotten in and out quickly and gotten all of the information off of their drives and you could have watched my back while I did it. Instead, YOU made a big "Winter Solider" splash, dropped way more bodies than necessary and didn't even get all of the information I need! These are huge drug smugglers and now they know we're after them. So now who's going to have to be smarter, work harder and get the info we need from behind the scenes? ME! NOT YOU." You took a deep breath and tried to reign in your temper. You pinched the bridge of your nose. "I don't need you to protect me. I'm not some helpless damsel. If I wasn't good enough to be in the field...Fury NEVER would have me given me the okay and Rhodey sure as hell would have put a stop to it if I wasn’t prepared. I get you're trying to gain points with my Father...because I know he doesn't want me here. But this time, your need to get on his good side fucked up this whole operation!" Naturally Steve walked in during the middle of your tirade wide eyed.

"I don't know if that language is necessary." Sam let out a low whistle, certain that your head was going to pop off your shoulders. He watched as you turned slowly and narrowed your eyes at Steve.

“Actually, Captain Rogers" the tone in your voice oozed sarcasm, "it's perfectly necessary. And you are JUST has bad as he is" you pointed over at Bucky. "You find any excuse to pull me off of missions and keep me in this tower like I'm frickin Rapunzel or something." You pushed past the two of them and stalked down the hall, slamming your door. The three men stood there quietly.

"Soooo...that went well." Sam finally quipped. Buck and Steve both glared at him. "Don't glare at me, she's not wrong. I love going on missions with her. She's smart and fast. She calculates every risk and doesn’t do anything unless absolutely necessary. She doesn't need you to protect her. I mean I get why you want to." He directed the last part of his comment to Bucky.

“What the hell does that mean pigeon." Bucky shot Sam another glare causing Steve to groan. He wasn’t in the mood for their bickering.

"Look...do I think you want to win bonus points with Papa Stark...sure. But not for the reason she thinks. You have feelings for her. You don't know exactly how to tell her or how to deal with it so you try to be her protector. She doesn’t need another man in her life trying to bubble wrap her. Tony and Rhodey have that covered. She wants to be your equal. She’s more than proven herself. And I’m not insulting you, it’s just an observation. We've been working together long enough for me to know you. I know your tells. I also see how you look at her when you think no one else is looking. Try talking to her...outside of missions. Maybe ask her out. Use some of that charm you have that Steve told us about." Sam shrugged and walked away.

Bucky swallowed uncomfortably as Steve turned his gaze towards him. Bucky wasn't sure how he would react and of course Sam had said something in front of him. Sam was right, he did have a thing for you. How could he not? You were so many things; funny, smart, empathetic, which he knew better than anyone. You were beautiful and had a smile that could light up the darkest of places. He even loved your temper. You had a passion and fire inside of you, God help anyone that got in your way.

“Look Steve, you know how amazing she is, how could I not want to be with her? She’s incredible. But I also know nothing can ever happen. I mean the age difference alone. I know how much she means to you. I’d never cross that line.” Steve smiled.

“I don’t think that we can really consider an age difference here when you, like me, spent so much time under ice. And then the fact that you were gone for 5 years. It’s not a normal situation. And yes, she does mean a lot to me. I’ve known her since she was a kid. I watched her grow up. But she isn’t a kid anymore. She’s a grown woman. It’s not up to me who she spends her time with. If I had to pick, you’d be at the top of the list. Buck- you’re not the man Hydra made you into anymore. You healed that part of yourself in Wakanda. You are a good man.”

“Tony won’t approve.” Steve smiled for a moment.

“You really think that would stop her?” Bucky laughed at that comment. But he absolutely thought Tony’s disapproval would put an end to anything he could have with you. “Tony forgave you. It took time but he moved past that. And if you end up being what makes her happy, he wouldn’t stand in the way of that. And she and Sam are right, she doesn’t need us to protect her. I’m equally guilty in trying to keep her out of the line of fire.” Steve clapped Bucky on the shoulder as he pondered what Steve and Sam has said and headed to talk to you.

***

You were pacing in your room trying to work out your anger when there was a knock at the door. You rolled your eyes. You knew who it was without any verification.

“Leave me alone Steve.” You heard him chuckle. He wouldn’t let anger stay between the two of you. You had made an agreement a long time ago to always work out your differences.

“C’mon Y/N- I really want to talk to you. And not through the door.“ You groaned and headed over to your door and yanked it open. Steve had his arms crossed and he was leaning against the doorway.

“What?”

“I’m sorry.” He sighed. “You’re right. I need to stop putting my personal feelings for you in front of the job we have to do. I think after everything that we’ve seen and been through I just want to know you’re always safe. Your father made it clear I was responsible for you. But it’s not fair to you.”

“Thanks Steve. I’m just so sick of being treated like I’m made of glass. I can handle myself. I know the risks.”

“I know. Your more than qualified to be in the field and I trust you more than about anyone. I promise to do better. And Bucky isn’t trying to earn points with Tony. I think he just thinks that the Stark family has been through enough. You’re the one that made it possible for him to be apart of this family. Your forgiveness and understanding led to Tony’s. Being here has allowed him to get back to the person he used to be. “

“Yeah well thanks to him I have a ton of work to do.” You felt your anger deflate like a balloon. “I better get to it.” You nodded over to your desk where two huge flat screen monitors sat.

“Alright, let me know if you need anything.” You nodded and watched him retreat down the hall before you shut your door.

Bucky Barnes was under your skin. He had been since the day you met him in Wakanda. You expected this hardened soldier but found a man with an easy smile and kind eyes. Whatever monster that had lived within him had been snuffed out. It had started when you’d notice that his gaze would linger on you just a little longer than necessary. Your heart would pound anytime he was in close proximity and you were certain he had the most beautiful eyes you had ever seen. But it would never progress past a few longing looks and mild flirting. Bucky Barnes was determined to stay on Tony Starks good side, certainly any sort of relationship with his daughter would be frowned upon. You sighed and sat down.

“Friday- run through the files Sergeant Barnes obtained. We then need to get into their servers and find out when the next deal is going to happen so we can stop them.”

“Right away Miss Stark.” It was going to be a very long night.

***

It had been a few days and you finally got a lead to where the drug ring might be next. You were running down to the gym where you knew Bucky was. You stopped when you saw it empty and stepped towards the locker room with trepidation.

“Barnes! “Are you decent?” You yelled into the doorway. You heard him laugh.

“Not morally, but I am wearing pants, if that’s what you’re asking.” you rolled your eyes and strolled in, your heels clacking on the floor. He had been more flirty than normal the past few days. It was knocking you off your guard. He shot you a grin when he saw you. True to his word, he was wearing pants and nothing else. His prosthetic arm was on the bench, and his impressive form was still damp from the shower. You didn’t realize you were staring until he cleared his throat. You felt the heat rush to your cheeks and you stepped forward looking at the still angry scars on shoulder where his arm used to be attached. He would normally be self conscious with someone staring at him the way you were, but he saw interest, not pity. He sucked his breath in when you ran your fingers over the scar. You quickly realized what you were doing and jumped back.

“Sorry - I, uh, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that.” You had a sheepish look on your face. “Just...does that bother you?” Your head was tilted to the side.

“Not since Wakanda. Shuri fixed me up. Now it doesn’t hurt to wear the arm.” You looked up at him.

“You sure? I used the 3D printer to print skin grafts for another agent”

“Of course you did.” You narrowed your eyes at him and pursed your lips. “It’s more cosmetic now, no physical pain. So unless you think I need plastic surgery.”

“Shut up. That’s not what I meant. I’ve just never seen you without your prosthetic. Scars make a person more interesting. I have plenty of my own.” He watched you shudder. He remembered the deep cuts to your back during the battle with Thanos. You had been running to protect Peter and one of Thanos’ soldiers had slashed your back a few times. He remembered your screams from being cleaned and stitched up vividly.

“So...do you need something or just here to ogle me?” He wiggled his eyesbrows at you and winked when he saw your face go red again.”

“You’re obnoxious.” He was enjoying your fluster. “You need to get your shit. You, Steve and Sam are headed to Chicago to try and bust the drug ring. I finally found a lead.”

“You’re not coming?” He was certain after the last time that it would be a cold day in hell before you missed this.

“Well unfortunately I still have my Stark Industries responsibilities. And in two days we have a fundraiser. Please let me remind you that you three are on the guest list and help the elite open their big fat checkbooks. Don’t get killed and make sure Sam doesn’t mess up his pretty face.”

“Of course Doll.” He watched your eyes narrow again. You gave him a quick second look before you strutted out of the locker room completely flustered again. His skin still almost tingled where you had touched him.

***

You looked around the ball room at the richest of the rich. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits, but you felt a cloud over you. Steve and company were successful in stopping the shipment and a few of the ring members, but the leader had eluded them again. They were capitalizing on people’s pain and desperation. It hadn’t been any easy transition back for many who were snapped away. They often turned to substances to drown their sorrows. Maybe it was because you had found out your mother had recently overdosed. You took it personally. You didn’t know the woman, she was a stranger, but she was still your mother.

“Well look at you.” You turned to see a beaming Tony with Pepper holding onto his good arm. The arm that had been touched by the infinity stones was covered by a black brace.

“Hi Daddy.” You smiled and hugged him.

“Hi darling. Morgan misses you. She insists you come visit next weekend.”

“I know. I’m a terrible sister, I’ve just been distracted.”

“You’ve been working too hard.”

“Gee, I wonder where she gets it from?” Pepper quipped and you let out a genuine laugh.

“Well you are your father’s daughter. I couldn’t be more proud.” Tony kissed your cheek. “We’re going to make some rounds. I’ll see you later.” You nodded. You were by yourself again for a few moments and then saw Steve’s smiling face approaching you.

“Hey kid.”

“Steven.” You smiled at him.

“Ready?” You nodded and he led you up to the podium. Steve greeted the crowd and then introduced you. No matter how many crowds you spoke in front of, you always got nervous. As you approached the podium you looked out to the crowd and caught Bucky’s eye. He gave a reassuring smile that took your breath away. At some point between his mission and now he had gotten his long hair cut into a style similar to what it was before the war. He looked stunning in his tux. You cleared your throat and adverted your eyes away from the Sergeant’s.

“Thank you all so much for coming. It’s a happy occasion that brings us all here tonight as we celebrate the one year anniversary that so many of you were returned to us. I would be remised if I didn’t acknowledge the struggle that so many across not only our nation, but the world, have experienced as they’ve tried to adjust back to normal life. With that in mind, and the reason why we invited you here tonight is to announce a new program through Stark Industries that will aim to help those in need get to normalcy. The Romanova Foundation is named for Natasha Romanoff. You had to pause as your voice cracked on Natasha’s name. ”If it weren’t for Natasha’s bravery and sacrifice, many of us would not be standing here tonight. So I ask you to open your hearts and your wallets to help those of us in need as Natasha would have. Thank you.” You stepped away from the podium quickly as the crowd roared with applause. Steve tried to grab your arm but you shrunk away and shook your head. You bit back tears as you rushed towards a door towards a private balcony, grabbing a bottle of champagne on your way.

***

Bucky watched as you made a quick exit. He was going to follow you when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He was surprised to see a smiling Tony.

“Sergeant. I was informed you had a semi successful mission yesterday, glad the three of you stopped that shipment. I also heard you got your ass ripped by my daughter last week for bumping her off a mission and then you made a huge mess of it.” Bucky swallowed hard. Tony must have read his anxiety and held his hands up. “No judgment here. I made plenty of messes myself. And I don’t envy anyone that catches her temper. It burns a little. She gets it from my side.” Tony shrugged. “You know she talks about you a lot.” Tony fired off his comments quickly.

“She does?”

“Yeah...I don’t think she realizes how much she does. She has Morgan conflicted between who her favorite Super Soldier is. You or Cap. Naturally her favorite Avenger is me. I gather you and my daughter work together a lot.”

“We do. Steve or I are usually with her.”

“To protect her?”

“Yes. She’s not a super soldier, though she thinks she is.” Tony snickered. “She’s not enhanced like Wanda. But she’s a huge asset. I don’t know what we would do without her. But some of these people we’re up against are enhanced, So Steve and I, we stick close to Y/N.”

“How close is close Barnes?” Bucky paled as Tony stared him down. After a moment he laughed and clapped Bucky on his shoulder.

“I’m messing with you. Rogers and I had a conversation. While he’s not usually the type to butt in, I think he’s trying to cut through the red tape. Look, the past is the past. After everything that happened, I don’t live there anymore. The only thing I care about is that my daughter is safe and happy. I’ve been assured that the man that they made you is gone for good. And that is good enough for me. I don’t know if you know this, but my daughter and Natasha got very close in the 5 years between Thanos annihilating half the planet and when we got everyone back. She and Nat worked tirelessly with Carol and company to watch the universe. Nat’s death was hard on all of us, but especially my daughter. Today is a hard day for her. If I know her as well as I think I do, she’s hiding outside on the far left balcony. Probably with a bottle of booze drowning her sorrows. Do me a favor...go and check on our girl.” It took Bucky a moment to react but he nodded his head and started walking towards the other side of the room before Tony yelled his name and he turned. Tony approached him again. “I may be out of commission, but just remember that I still have a suit and if you hurt my daughter there’s no serum in the world that can protect you.” With that, Tony turned on his heel and walked away.

***

You tried to hold back your tears. You knew today was going to be hard. You didn’t realize how hard until you started talking about Natasha. You took a long drink out of your bottle and looked out over the lights of the nearby city. You heard the door open behind you and exhaled.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” When you heard the door shut you thought you had been left alone but then you felt the cool metal of Bucky’s hand in your shoulder.

“You don’t have to talk. I just don’t want you to be alone feeling like this.” You nodded but didn’t turn, you couldn’t face him. So instead he stood behind you, his arms on each side of yours protectively caging you in. “Is it okay if I talk?” You nodded.

“You know what I remembered first when we came back? Your face. For me, you represented redemption, forgiveness and all of the things I didn’t think I deserved. When Steve told me that you two had worked things out, that you understood, it was a huge relief. I knew how important you were to him. Tony too. I felt like I robbed him of the family he found after the ice.” He was leaning down so he could speak quietly in your ear. “Then he told me that you wanted to meet me. God, I was terrified. All I could remember was Tony when he saw that video. I couldn’t imagine seeing the monster I had been reflected in anyone else’s eyes. Saying you forgive someone is one thing, truly being able to mean it was another. But then when you all came to try and stop Thanos the first time you waltzed off that jet and gave me the biggest smile and then you hugged me instead of shaking my hand. You took my breath away. And it was so strange to come back and then realize that 5 years had gone by. For me, it was like we just picked the fight up where we left off. It wasn’t until after that I saw you were different. You were harder. More determined to keep fighting. More determined to be a pain in my ass and walk into the line of fire when all I wanted to do was make sure you were okay. Not because of Tony. But because you were the first person other than Steve to really make me feel like I was worth all of this, that I was with saving. The idea that you were going to be out there and possibly getting hurt I had to prevent that at all costs. I just wanted you protected and behind your computer at home. That wasn’t fair and I’m sorry for doing that to you. You’re strong and capable. Getting to know you over this past year, even if you were pissed off at me for most of it, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’m sorry that you had to lose Natasha for me to get my life back. I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with Nat- but she was an incredible person. I would give my life up in a second to bring her back.” You spun around so you could face him. Even in sky high heels he was looking down at you.

“Don’t say that! Please don’t ever say that.” He studied your tear filled eyes with a kind smile. He slowly put both hands on your cheeks and swiped the unshed tears from your eyes. “As much as it hurts, Natasha had to make that sacrifice to find peace. And loosing you would be just as hard.” His blue eyes sparkled down at you and you felt a swoop in your stomach. He stroked your cheek with his non-metal hand before he dropped them to his side. He watched you take a deep breath and visibly relax.

“I haven’t talked about Natasha much. It just makes me so sad that she’s not here with us today. That she’s not here celebrating our victory. I think not talking about her has made it harder to heal.”

“Any time you want to talk, I’m here to listen.”

“And I will. But not now. This is supposed to be a party.” You smiled up at him, he was impossibly close.

“Well the 3/4 of that champagne bottle you drank will make this a real party for you in a few minutes when it hits you. You tipped your head back and laughed. “There it is.” He said it in a whisper. You have him a questioning look. “My favorite laugh.” He was making you blush again. This must have been what he was like before the war and it definitely wasn’t in your imagination. The flirting from the past few days was actually flirting. You weren’t sure what made him decide to be so obvious about it, but you didn’t care. “If no one else has told you, you look incredible tonight.” You were clad in a black strapless sweetheart neckline dress with a sequined bodice and jewel embellishments down the tulle skirt.

“You clean up pretty nicely yourself. I like the hair cut by the way.”

“It was time to get rid of the last thing that reminded me of The Winter Soldier...well other than the scary arm.”

“The arm isn’t scary.”

“No? Some of the looks I get say otherwise.”

“No. The metal arm is actually pretty sexy.” You didn’t even think before you said it. He had a smirk plastered to his face and this time you made yourself blush.

“You think I’m sexy?”

“I said the arm was sexy.” He stepped closer so you were leaning against the high railing again, his arms on either side of you caging you in again. You felt the tip of his nose run across your shoulder and up your neck as he whispered in your ear.

“You’re going to be the death of me, you know that?” The two of you had been dancing around each other for the last year, neither brave enough to make the next move. “If it wasn’t obvious by now, I have feelings for you. Big ones. The only question is, do you feel the same?”

“Do you really have to ask? Of course I do.” You felt his lips press against your shoulder and then your neck and it was like someone sucked the air out of you. He placed his hand in the side of your face and looked into your eyes for a moment and then put you out of your misery by pressing his lips to yours. It was like the missing piece had finally been put in its place. As you gripped his shoulders to deepen the kiss you heard someone clear their throat.

“Gross. Get a room.” Sam’s teasing voice rang out through the air. Bucky groaned and dropped his head as you peered around him to look at Sam. “Listen, this is your party Stark, you better get in there before someone else comes out here looking for you. Last thing we need is a reporter snapping a picture of this and ruining everyone’s breakfast tomorrow.”

“Yeah yeah we’re coming.” Bucky’s voice was laced with irritation. When Sam had retreated back inside you cupped both sides of Bucky’s face and pressed your lips to his again.

“Come dance with me. I’ve heard you’ve got some moves.”

“They May be outdated sweetheart.” You grabbed the bottle of champagne and downed the rest of it and then took Bucky’s hand and pulled him towards the entrance.

***

“You okay? I mean you seem okay now, but I know you’re good at hiding it.” You were standing with Steve side by side at the bar. The bar that Nat would often mix drinks at during one of the many party’s your father would throw. Bucky had excused himself to go dig out more of Thor’s Asgardian liquor for him and Steve. You were pleasantly buzzed if not a little bit drunk. Your face hurt from laughing. You had spent the evening dancing with Bucky, Sam and Sam’s date. She worked for you at Stark Industries in research and development. You had introduced her and Sam a few months ago and they, as you knew they would hit it off. She was funny like Sam but tough enough to not take his shit. He needed someone to keep him in line.

“I really am Steve. I promise. It just hit me hard when I was standing up there. Bucky, he.-“ Steve grinned and cut you off.

“It’s about time. I’ve watched the two of you tip toe around liking each other since he joined us. There’s a reason you get so angry with him.” You gave him your infamous eye narrow and lip pursed expression. “Y/N- even your father knew. He encouraged Bucky to go to you.” Your eyes widened.

“He did?!” You knew Tony had let go of what happened but you never would have expected him to be okay with you having any sort of romantic relationship with James Buchanan Barnes...let alone encourage it.”

“He wants you to be happy. He’s happy. After everything that has happened he knows how important it is to say how you feel. He wants you to have what he has. He sees how Buck looks at you, how you look at him. How you talk about him. He’d never deny you that.” You looked over at your father and Pepper dancing and felt your heart swell for him. Your attention was drawn back when you heard Bucky set a glass down in front of Steve.

“God that smells like turpentine” you scrunched your nose in disgust.

“Well sweetheart not all of us can still be light weights.” Bucky grinned at you. Steve excused himself to head over to Sharon. You were happy that he seemed to find some happiness after everything. He had thought about going back and staying with Peggy. But creating a new timeline could have consequences. Plus the idea of leaving Bucky behind what inconceivable. You watched as Bucky downed his drink and shuddered a little bit. You both laughed and then he put his hand out as a slow song started playing over the crowd. You placed your hand in his and led him lead you to the dance floor. His one hand found the small of your back and pulled you flush against him while your other hand was still in his. You placed your free hand on the back of his neck, enjoying the feeling of his freshly buzzed hair. He kissed you lightly and you enjoyed being so close to him. If anyone would have told you this was how you would spend your night, you would have laughed at them.

“So my father gave you his blessing I hear?” Bucky let out a throaty laugh.

“And then threatened my life if I ever hurt you. He said he still has a suit.” You laughed and rolled your eyes.

“That sounds like my father. I’m glad he did. I’ve been hoping you’d make a move for a long time.”

“You could have made a move on me you know.”

“True- but you’re old. I didn’t want to offend your old fashioned ways.”

“You wound me.” You gave Bucky a grin.

“Speaking of old fashioned...your dance moves are pretty nice.”

“Oh yeah?” He flirted. Before you could respond, gun shots rang through the air and a group of men bounded in the room with semi-automatic weapons.”

“That’s the leader of the drug ring. Samuel O’Brien.” You were wide eyed and pulled away from Bucky. Samuel narrowed his eyes at you.

“So I assume it’s you and your friends that took want was mine. Now, I’ll take what is yours.” You watched as his eyes locked on your fathers. Before Bucky could stop you, you ran towards your father and pushed him out of the way as a bullet sank into your abdomen as the both of you crashed to the ground. Your ears were ringing and it seemed like everything was moving in slow motion.

“Dammit Y/N! You shouldn’t have done that!” Tony cried out as he pulled his jacket off to put pressure on the bullet. You couldn’t speak. You locked eyes with your father for a moment and then everything faded to black.

***

You felt pain, white hot searing pain. Your eye lids felt like they weighed a thousand pounds as you struggled to open them. As the white room came into focus you heard the steady beeping of a hospital monitor.

“Y/N?!” You slowly glanced to your right and saw the worried looks of your father and Steve Rogers. Your father had jumped up and was fussing over you and you groaned. “What? What is it? What hurts?”

“Everything.” You saw Steve reach over and click a button on your IV.

“Thank God you woke up.” Tony ran his hand over your head and kissed your forehead. You started to feel fuzzy again and felt yourself slowly slip from consciousness from the pain meds Steve had sent into your veins.

You didn’t know how long you had been out for as you slowly blinked your eyes open again. You felt the heat of someone’s arm next to yours. When you looked to the side there sat James Buchanan Barnes with his head resting on his arms. You picked your hand up and slowly ran your fingers through his hair. It took him a moment to wake up. He slowly picked his head up and gave you a sleep smile.

“Hey.” You whispered.

“Hey yourself.” He sat up and pulled his chair closer and took your hand. “Any pain.” You shook your head no. “Good, I mean they have you pretty drugged. Jesus you scared the shit out of me. I can’t believe you did that.”

“He’s my dad.” Was all you could say. “Did you get him?”

“Yes. We got every damn one of them.”

“How long?”

“You’ve been unconscious for almost two weeks. Most of it was medically induced. There was a lot of damage and internal bleeding. They tapered you’re meds down and it took two more days for you to wake up. We thought we were going to lose you. I thought I lost you and I just finally got you. Not that you belong to me.” Bucky sighed and stopped talking.

“You didn’t lose me. And if you’ll have me, I’d love to belong to you.” He pulled your hand to his mouth and kissed it.

“I love you Y/N...I think I have for a long time. I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t pull through.” His voice caught with emotion.

“Hey- Bucky- I’m not going anywhere. I love you too.” He wiped a tear that slipped from your eye. He stood up and leaned over to place an gentle kiss on your lips. Your recovery would be tough, but you would get through it with Bucky by your side.

[pink-imagines]

angel on earth

part 9

request: .

a/n: i used the song that @sleepy-writer-mha​ wrote for me in this so please go show them some love and support!!

this is not the last part! there is one part left!

warnings: fluff, mentions of smut

masterlist

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8

“I want to see you sometime soon. Call me when the tour is over.”

“That’s gonna be a while to wait-”

“I’ve waited this long, I think I can wait a few weeks longer. Besides, I don’t want you to see me in this horrid hospital gown.”, he grinned.

“Fine then. I’ll call you when the tour ends. I bet you look great even in that gown, though.”, you giggled, “I can’t wait to see you again.”

“Just a few more weeks.”, he reminded you.

“Just a few more weeks...”, you repeated.

You repeated the conversation in your head over and over again. Tonight was the last show of the tour and even though you loved this job, you really wanted the concert to be over. That didn’t mean that you weren’t going to give it your all!

“Last show!”, Eijiro said as he walked up to you, “How’re you feeling?”

“Great! This’ll be the best one yet!”, you grinned.

“I bet it will!”, Eijiro grinned back, with a glimt in his eyes saying that he knew something that you didn’t. Still, you didn’t think too much about it.

It was at the end of the show, with just one song left. The one song you dreaded. It wasn’t that you couldn’t sing in the song’s range or that you didn’t remember the words. No, it was because the song was about you.

As the melody of Angel on Earth started playing the crowd went insane. You smiled warmly out to the crowd and made yourself ready to start singing.

“The picture of you in my mind.“

You froze in place as someone else started singing before you. The crowd cheered as the old lead singer stepped out on stage. Katsuki walked out slowly as he sang the lyrics he wrote about you. Your jaw almost dropped to the floor and as Mina had her guitar solo you ran into his arms. A soft kiss was planted on the top of your head and that’s when the waterworks started.

“Surprise.”, Katsuki muttered in your ear, his voice was husky and low. The mic just happened to be too close to his mouth, leaving the whole crowd to hear.

You turned around to flashing lights and screaming fans. Some where crying, some where smiling and some people were just as surprised as you were. He walked past you towards the center of the stage and kept singing, this was were he belonged.

Throughout the song you sat by the stage and watched in awe as Katsuki sang, who kept stealing glances at you. 

At the end of the song he slowly started walking towards you, never breaking eyecontact with you.

“Your an angel on earth. Yeah.. an angel on earth.”, as he sang the last note his lips were mere inches from yours. Your breath hitched in your throat as your eyes fluttered closed just for a second... because nothing happened, he walked away.

The whole band had ordered pizza to celebrate Katsuki’s return, since the band was too easily recognized to go to a restaurant they sat in Mina’s hotel room. Kaminari was telling Katsuki the funniest moments of the tour as Eijiro started passing around beers.

“... so then Eiji flings out one of his drumsticks in the middle of a solo and ends up using his hand instead!”, Kaminari laughed along with everybody else. Not because it was particularly funny, just because when Kaminari started laughing it was as contagious as a yawn.

“Thank you.”, you smiled at Katsuki as he passed you a beer.

“You two made the crowd go wild tonight.”, Eijiro commented.

“Oh, I didn’t do anything...”, you chuckled nervously and pushed a few strands of hair behind your ear, “I just sat there.”

“You had been hyping them up the entire night!”, Sero exclaimed.

“Yeah! Katsuki was just the cherry on top, really!”, Mina added, “You were like the whole desert!”

“Dammit Mina, now I want ice cream!”, Kaminari groaned.

“Go get some then!”

This started a slight argument which ended with Kaminari, Sero and Mina leaving to go get ice cream. Eventually Eijiro left too, saying that he also wanted ice cream but you knew better. Katsuki and you were left alone. A sudden burst of confidence hit you.

“Why didn’t you kiss me before?”, you asked without looking at him. Katsuki choked on a piece of pizza and started coughing. You gathered the courage to look up at him.

“I... the last time I tried that you kind of hit me.”, he chuckled.

“But-... okay that’s fair.”, you nodded and looked away from him again, “Though I wouldn’t mind if you... nevermind, this is so awkward! I’m sorry-” Katsuki broke off your sentance by pressing his lips to yours. His left hand graced your cheek as the other one went to your waist. Your hands travelled up his chest, up to his neck and finally your fingers tangled in his hair.

“Do you want to get out of here?”, you muttered against his lips.

“Your hotel room or mine?”, he asked between kisses down your neck.

“Mine... let’s go.”

All this built up tension let go at once, like a water balloon exploding or a glass ball shattering against the floor.

Katsuki’s hand held yours tight as you ran around the corridors of the hotel, trying to get to the elevator. Once you finally got there you only had time to press the button for the seventh floor before Katsuki’s lips were on yours again. You smiled into the kiss, making Katsuki smile in return just in time for the elevator doors to open.

The two of you basically ran out and you fumbled with the key card. When you reached your room you were quick to unlock the door and run in with Katsuki following closely behind.

Clothes were coming off left and right, leaving a trail to the bedroom. When your back hit the soft, plush, newly washed pillows you were in nothing but your underwear. Katsuki pulled off his shirt before getting on top of you and linking your lips together again.

Your hands roamed over his stomach, sinking further and further down until they found... bandages. Bandages that covered the scar that Aito had left.

“Are you okay?”, Katsuki’s worried tone broke you out of your trance.

“I... uhm... yeah, yeah... I just... I can’t do this right now, I’m sorry.”, you whisper as you feel the tears burning in your eyes, “I’m sorry about this too...” You laid your palm flat against where the stab wound once was.

“Y/N, this isn’t your fault.”, Katsuki put his hand on top of yours, “You have nothing to be sorry about, okay?” You nodded and looked up at his eyes.

“I really like you... but could we save this for another time? I don’t think I can do this tonight.”, you whispered softly.

“Of course.”, he pressed a kiss to your forehead, “I’ll leave in a second, I just need to get my clothes.”

“Don’t.”, you grabbed his wrist, “You can... stay here if you want to. The bed’s really big and I... it get’s a bit lonely.”

“Sure.”, he gave you a boyish smile that somehow, just with that, cheered you up.

You crawled under the covers as Katsuki walked around the bed to get in next to you. 

-

Katsuki took a second to look at her before getting into bed beside her. The girl of his dreams was now laying beside him. He didn’t care for how long, he would burn this memory into the back of his brain. 

At first he was scared to even move, as if this was the first time he had ever slept beside a woman, but when she turned around and gave him a smile every fear vanished. Even though it was a tired smile, there was still so much energy and love behind it.

“Is this okay?”, he asked softly as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

“Katsuki, you almost just had sex with me. Yes it’s okay if you hold me.”, she giggled.

“Just asking.”, he huffed and brought her closer to him. The way she gently placed her head on his chest or how she carefully wrapped her arms around his torso made his heart burst with adoration. She was adoreable!

“Goodnight, Katsuki.”, she muttered against his chest.

“‘Night, Y/N.”, he smiled to himself because now he finally got what he wanted.

-

You woke up to see a blonde messy head of hair in front of you. Katsuki was still asleep... he looked so peaceful and relaxed. You smiled fondly at the view that was the man in front of you.

“You’re staring.”, Katsuki said with a low raspy morning voice.

“It’s not a crime to stare.”, you giggled. He opened one eye to look at you and you smiled brightly back at him.

“Goodmorning.”, you said. Katsuki muttered out something that was supposed to be a “goodmorning”.

“I think we’re getting breakfast up here soon... I should probably call and tell them to bring for two people.”, you turned around to reach for the phone. Katsuki wrapped his arms around your waist and burried his face into your back.

“As long as you stay in bed.”, his voice was muffled as he pressed a kiss on your spine. You chuckled and grabbed the hotel phone. It immediately went to the reception.

“Hi, could I get breakfast for two up to room 716?”, you asked kindly.

“Of course, ma’am. When would you like to recieve this?”, the clerk asked.

“Um... what time is it..?”

“It’s 8:30, ma’am.”

“Then maybe 9:15?”

“There’ll be a knock at your door at 9:15!” You said thank you and goodbye before hanging up the phone. To much of Katsuki’s protests, you got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom. In there you took a long shower to get your thoughts straight.

You liked Katsuki. He liked you. You almost had sex, but ended up just sleeping next to each other. It had happened with Aito before so why did this feel different? Was everything with Aito even love? Yes, in the beginning it was. It just turned twisted.

A shower wasn’t enough to get your thoughts straight, so you decided to just grumble over your problems another time.

“Are you done in there?”, Katsuki knocked on the door.

“Yeah, just give me a sec!”, you wrapped a towel around you and walked out.

“I’m gonna take a shower. Breakfast comes at 9:15, right?”, he asked.

“Yeah, I’ll just tell you if they come early.”, you smiled warmly.

“Thanks.”, he pressed yet another kiss to the top of your head and was about to walk into the bathroom.

“Hey, Katsuki?”, you stopped him.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for staying last night.”, you spoke with honesty. You probably wouldn’t have slept last night if it wasn’t for him.

“No problem, I wanted to.”, he grinned and finally walked into the bathroom.

There it was. Want- not need. He didn’t need to stay last night. He doesn’t need you. He wanted to stay last night. He wants to be with you. That’s the different between him and Aito.

Aito was only with you because he needed things from you. Katsuki wants to be with you. What you were feeling was the feeling of being wanted.

The knock at the door was almost immediately at 9:15. The service lady was very nice and helped you get the food inside the room. Your phone got a notification just after she left. It was from Mina telling you to check out and article. The article’s title?

The lead singer of the Crimson Crypt, Katsuki Bakugo, comes back and reveals who the angel he’d been singing about was. Crimson Crypt singer, Katsuki Bakugo, surprised everyone by coming back after being at the hospital for months. He started his new chapter by coming out on stage during the last Crimson Crypt tour. As he started singing the song he himself had written, “Angel on Earth”, it was clear to everyone who his angel really was. By the end of the song he approached fellow singer, Y/N Y/L/N, and well... you can see for yourself what happened in the clip below, recorded by a fan who was in the crowd.

You were about to click play on the video when Katsuki walked out of the bathroom.

“I was just about to go get you.”, you smiled and put down your phone.

The two of you ate breakfast in a comfortable silence. You really just wanted to tell him, that you wanted him too, but you really didn’t know how.

“Are you alright?”, Katsuki suddenly asked you.

“Huh?”, you looked up at his worried gaze.

“You’ve been staring at the same point for like five minutes. You okay?”, he took a sip of his coffee.

“I want you.”

-

Katsuki almost spat out the coffee he was drinking, lucky for the cleaners he didn’t and he just started coughing.

“I’m sorry, what?”, he chuckled as he looked over at her redened face.

“I didn’t mean it like sexually, okay?”, she hurried to say, “I just wanted you to know that I want something with you.” He was going to say something when there were loud noices coming from outside. The two looked out the floor to ceiling window. Paparazzi were going insane! Mina had just walked out the building with her signature foax fur, the rest of the band following close behind. Katsuki watched as they all got into a car and the car drove away, but not before Mina waved up to your window.

“They planned this, didn’t they?”, Y/N sighed.

“Looks like it.”, he covered his eyes with the back of his hand when the cameras started flashing their way.

“Hey.”, she turned to him, “I just want you to know, this is only going to work if we want each other and not need each other.”

“Lucky for you, I really want you.”, he grabbed your hips and pulled you in closer.

“Then let’s make it official.”, you wrapped your arms around his neck as he bent down to kiss you.

[heauxplesslydevoted]

Fracture (King Liam x MC)

Summary:  Inspired by this post from @ao719 and set immediately after TRH Book 2, chapter 1. The King and Queen have their first major blow up.

A/N: This was hard for me because I see both of their sides so perfectly, and I adore Liam so being mad at him, even fictionally is a challenge for me, lol

Tags: @senseofduties @lapisreviewsstuff @akacalliope @badchoicesposts @drakewalker04 @canknot @sirbeepsalot @hopefulmoonobject @eadanga @texaskitten30 @the-unconquered-queen @flyawayboo @aestheticartwriting

~~

The air in the parlor is practically crackling with energy as Queen Kendall glares at her husband. There’s way too many emotions swirling around right now—anger, joy, confusion, relief, fear—and she can’t seem to get a firm grasp on them.

This is supposed to be the happiest day of her life, of their life, but it’s not. Liam just agreed to give their baby away.

He waits on baited breath as she finds the words to respond to him. To say Liam is nervous is an understatement. Anxiety is a cruel mistress and she has a firm grip on his throat.

“You did what?”

“I agreed to their terms for an alliance.”

“How dare you? You married our daughter off and she’s not even a full day old yet!”

“Kendall, you have to���”

“I don’t have to do a damn thing!” Kendall hisses. “You caved! We’ve been working on ways to subdue them and keep them at bay for months, and you give in to their whims like that?” She snaps for added effect. 

The heartbreak is the worst. Not once in their relationship has never done something like this without telling her. She never thought she’d experience a betrayal, from him of all people, on this level. “You made a monumental decision that affects not just us, but our daughter. Our home! Our country! And you did it unilaterally. What happened to us being a team?”

“It wasn’t an easy choice to make, and I didn’t take it lightly.”

“My daughter is not a commodity to be sold off to the highest bidder, Liam.”

Liam reaches out to touch Kendall, but she recoils from him. The act makes his heart shatter in his chest. “My love, please understand. There was no other choice.”

“There’s always another choice,” Kendall argues, a bite in her tone that Liam isn’t used to. “You’ve opened the floodgates now. We gave into their demands, with no security on our side and nothing in return. Cordonia loses! And now that they have the upper hand, who’s to say they won’t come back with more demands?”

“They won’t.”

“Oh, because Bradshaw and Isabella are paragons of integrity?”

“I’m sorry,” Liam says. “I did what I thought was best.”

Kendall ignores his apology, biting down on her tongue so she doesn’t say anything she’ll later regret. Instead she looks down at Eleanor, her precious baby girl. A baby whose future is already set in stone, bound to a stranger in a foreign land, not someone she meets and falls in love with organically. It’s not the life she deserves. A tear rolls down her cheek, mourning the life she envisioned for their baby girl.

“You fought so hard to marry me,” Kendall says softly. Her voice cracks slightly and Liam feels even worse than he did. “You were determined to be with me, because we were in love, and you couldn’t live a lie. You couldn’t just marry for duty once you discovered that true existed. You said I changed your life.”

“You did,” Liam insists. “Kendall, you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Then how, after going through what we’ve gone through, after experiencing true love, how could you marry Eleanor off? How could you rob her of the opportunity?” Kendall implores. “After seeing how upset and betrayed Olivia felt after she found out her parents married her to someone as awful to Anton, you turn around and do the exact same thing.”

Liam struggles to find the words. He wants to explain himself, he wants Kendall to see that he only had them in mind.

“I did this for you, my queen. I did it for both of you.”

Kendall shakes her head, refusing to listen. “You let them leverage me, like my life and Eleanor’s life are nothing more than bartering tools. I was scared and vulnerable, and you let them manipulate that.”

She sighs an exhausted sigh. Between finding out Godfrey murdered her mother-in-law, being trapped in the palace like a hostage, going into labor and nearly dying, and now this, she’s drained.

Kendall turns towards Liam and looks him in the eyes. “I’m too tired to continue this conversation, so I’ll end it with this. You’re the fucking king of this country, and you better employ every single drop of power that title has bestowed upon you to fix the mess you put us in, and I don’t give a damn how you do it. Rob, kill and destroy, hell start World War 3 for all I care.”

She stops, contemplating her next words. “Hear me well when I tell you this, Liam. I have endured a lot when it comes to living in this country, being the Queen, and being your wife, but this, I will not stand for. I will burn Auvernal to the ground before I send my daughter there to be a pawn in the game of politics. And if you don’t rectify it, and rectify it soon, I will go to that godforsaken country and split both Bradshaw and Isabella from navel to jugular myself, and I’ll do with a smile on my face.”

A chill runs down Liam’s spine at his wife’s words. He’s never seen her so angry before, it’s downright scary. “I promise you, my queen, I’ll fix it.”

“Good.” She hastily wipes away another tear from her eye. “Can you get Mara or Bastien?”

“Of course. What’s wrong?”

“I want to go to our chambers and I’m going to need some assistance getting there.”

“Nonsense, I can help you with that, darling.”

Kendall lifts herself off of the couch and immediately grabs the arm with one hand to steady herself. She wobbles a bit, slightly dizzy and Liam places a hand on her back. 

This was supposed to be happy. They were supposed to be happy together. But in this moment, Kendall can hardly stand her husband’s presence. “If I wanted you to escort me, I would’ve asked you.”

He falters, taken aback at the harshness. He’s never seen this side of Kendall. But he can’t blame her. He deserves it. “Very well. I’ll call Mara for you.”

~V~

Liam anxiously paces back and forth in the palace suite. Kendall’s been in labor for almost six hours, floating in and out of consciousness.

Drake runs a hand through his hair and huffs. “I can’t stand here anymore, I’m going to go help Olivia and Mara break down those doors.”

“I’m sure there’s a battering ram in this palace somewhere,” Maxwell muses silently.

But Liam just ignores them. He goes back to Kendall’s side and presses a kiss to her head, whispering calming words in her ear.

“You’re doing so amazing,” he tells her. “I’m so proud of you, love.”

“Liam, I can't do this anymore,” Kendall says with a whimper.

“Yes, you can. You’re so strong, you’re almost there.”

“I’m tired.”

“I know.” Liam runs a hand through her hair, uncaring that it’s damp with sweat. “I just need you to stay up with me. Can you do that?”

She goes quiet for a long while and Liam stiffens. Finally she responds with, “I’ll try.”

“And you’ll succeed. Because I love you so much, and we’re just now starting our lives together. We’re so close to our happily ever after.”

Kendall leans in to his touch and closes her eyes again. “I love you. I want you to know that I love you and our baby so much.”

“I love you too.”

When silence fills the room again Liam looks down and sees Kendall has gone under again. “Kendall.” He shakes her shoulder to no response. “Kendall, wake up, baby. Wake up.”

His blood runs cold and again shakes her, much more forcefully, but her body is limp under him. His fingers slide to her neck, checking for a pulse. When he can’t find one, that’s when he flips. “KENDALL!”

Liam awakes with a start, cold sweat dripping down his forehead, heart beating wildly in his chest and his breathing erratic.

Tears stream down his cheeks as he struggles to calm down. He takes a moment to survey his surroundings, quickly realizing that he’s not in his bedroom, but in one of the spare bedrooms of his private quarters. Kendall is noticeably absent, the left side of the bed is cold and empty.

The dream—nightmare—was too realistic. Was it even a dream at all? Or was it actually a vivid memory?

On wobbly feet, he jumps up and rushes towards out of the room. He stumbles through the long hallway until he makes it to their master suite. He throws open the double doors, startling his wife. She’s awake, sitting up in the middle of the bed, baby Nori sleeping soundly in her bassinet beside her.

“Liam, what on earth are you doing?” Kendall looks at the time on the small digital clock on their bedside table. It’s almost noon, the arrival of their baby girl completely throwing off their concept of time.

He doesn’t say anything, he just rushes over to her and sweeps her in his arms. Kendall can feel his heart beating fast against her own, and every muscle in his body is stiff.

He holds her tightly against him for a long time, refusing to let go, afraid of what might happen if he did. Images of cold and lifeless form still cloud his mind.  “You’re alive.”

“Of course I’m alive.” Liam releases her from the vice-like grip she’s in, and that’s when she notices that his eyes are bloodshot and there are tears streaming down his cheek. 

Now she’s alarmed. Always one to remain calm and composed, Liam hardly ever cries.

“Liam, what’s wrong?”

Liam shrugs off the question. “Nothing, it’s nothing. I just needed to check on you.”

“You burst in here like a bat out of hell,” Kendall deadpans. “And you’re crying. Talk to me.”

“I just had a nightmare,” he confesses quietly, peering into the bassinet to get a look at his daughter. Not wanting to disrupt her too much, he runs a finger through her curly hair. She moves slightly, but doesn’t wake fully. “You were in labor, and you just kept passing out. And you were so...pale and weak. And I was trying to keep you conscious, but eventually you just closed your eyes. You closed them and they never opened again.” A strangled sob burst from his chest and he tries to clamp down on it in vain, but it comes forth anyway. His entire body shakes as the weight of everything crashes down on him. “You died.”

After hesitating for a moment, Kendall wraps her arms around her husband. He buries his face in the crook of her neck, his tears hitting her skin.

“Well that didn’t happen,” Kendall declares stubbornly. “I’m right here.”

“B-but it could’ve happened,” Liam argues, his voice muffled. After a few more seconds, he removes himself from Kendall’s embrace. He stands, drawing himself to full height and closes his eyes. “There was so much going on last night. I had just found out one of my father’s closest friends and advisors, one of my trusted advisors...mur–” he chokes on the word, shuddering as he spits it out, “murdered my mother. My pregnant mother. And there’s absolutely no time to process it because you went into labor, and there were so many complications.”

“Kendall, I don’t think you understand just how close you were to dying. How close I was to losing you. It felt like the walls were closing in on me, and just last week we had that car accident and–” Liam pauses. He drops to his knees and looks up at his wife, eyes still glossy with unshed tears. “I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe. The Auvernese guards had the weaponry to break down the barriers, and I was willing to do anything in my power to get Dr. Ramirez to you. It was a terrible decision, but you were mere minutes away from going into full blown eclampsia and dying and I couldn’t let that happen, not when there was a solution in front of me.”

“Yes, Isabella and Bradshaw are horrible people for dangling your lives above my head, but you’re alive. Our daughter is alive. You have every right to be mad at me, but as long as there is breath in your body, I am at peace. I would make a deal with the Devil himself if it meant you and Eleanor were safe. I apologize for betraying you, but I can’t apologize for doing what I did to keep you alive.”

A tear falls from Kendall’s eye and she wipes it with the back of her hand. She didn’t even realize she was crying. 

Hearing Liam explain himself forced her to look at things from his perspective. It was a shitty situation all around, and he was cornered in a time of vulnerability.

“I’m sorry for lashing out at you earlier,” she whispers. “I’m just feeling a lot of feelings right now, and I got really scared on top of being incredibly hormonal, but you didn’t deserve that.”

“I did.”

“No, you didn’t,” Kendall insists. “I didn’t put myself in your shoes. And if it was your life on the line, I would’ve walked through the pits of Hell for you and our baby.”

The King releases a sigh of relief and his head falls forward. Kendall’s fingers graze his scalp, massaging away some of tension. 

“What did I do to deserve a Queen as amazing as you?” Liam muses. He takes Kendall’s free hand and presses it to his lips. 

“I don’t know.” She takes her hands and cradles Liam’s face, forcing him to look at her. “But my forgiveness has its limits. Don’t you ever, ever do something like this again. You’re not Constantine, and I’m not any of his wives. I will never be kept out of the loop. We do things together, 100 percent equal at all times.”

“Yes, my queen.”

She leans forward and presses their lips together in a kiss that’s over far too soon for Liam’s liking. “We’ll figure this Auvernal thing out together, like we always do. And they’re going to regret the day they ever decided to go against Kendall and Liam.”

Liam nods and wraps his arms around Kendall again. And for the first time in over 24 hours, he feels like he can breathe.

[baekberrie]

🌩n o i r - bbh🌩

🌩 Genre: Angst, romance, teacher x student Au

🌩Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

🌩Warnings: no self-acceptance, jealousy

Her face lightened up at the sight of the test being handed on her desk, eyes shining like thousands of diamonds, cheeks tinted in a glittering red reached her eyes as she held up the paper with the impeccable result, a proud A+ impregnated in the white sheet of paper. You could only curve your lips into the most genuine smile you could muster while sending an encouraging nod in her way. Fingers closed around your heart, squeezing it where it'd hurt the most because you knew, that even if you hadn't spoken a single word, you had lied to your best friend. The genuine smile that hadn't reached your eyes, could she see through it? While the other girls complimented her, you could only glance down at the test on your desk, you had turned it around so that no one would've been able to see the result written on it. Not even your friends.

The teacher had written an encouraging 'Keep up the good work!' next to the strong C in the corner of your test, but it seemed as if the letter was laughing straight at your face. It felt ridiculous, that had been a perfectly good grade, a result that encouraged you to give even more the next time, one that showed you that you had the potential to be something even better. But... It wasn't enough, not at all. Not when you had given your all on this test, not when you had told yourself that you'd ace this test with a 100%, not when your best friend had achieved what you hadn't been able to.

"What did you get?" Your friend's voice suddenly shattered your train of thoughts, her curious cat-like gaze bored immediately into your soul, a bright smile curved on her lips- she was delighted and proud of herself, you could almost imagine the swelling feeling of your heart and the yearning to tell your parents about the success, but it disappeared as quickly as it came, overpowered by something unfamiliar, something overwhelming that you couldn't name, but you hated it. It was bitter and it felt as if your heart, your mind, was covered by a black veil that fogged your view.

Swallowing the lump in your throat you feigned another smile, "Secret," you chuckled, feeling slightly embarassed of the result you had achieved, it would just look funny next to her A, wouldn't it? There was no way you could show her. She pouted in disappointment but didn't insist.

Of course, she had to get an A, you thought, like always, just so perfect and good in everything she does, it irks me. I hate it.

Trembling took over your body as you held up the test to the teacher, disgusted and disbelieved in your own self. The adult male didn't miss the painful expression that you hadn't been able to mask. Your gaze snapped up to his when he grabbed the paper, but not actually taking it, just letting the gentle warmth of his fingertips graze your shivering skin. Mr. Byun who you'd til this day always felt drawn to,  Mr. Byun who you'd always gaze at with enamored eyes, Mr.Byun with the low and calming voice- with the heartbreaking smile, Byun Baekhyun that you had secretly fallen in love with. Today, you couldn't hold his gaze for more than three seconds before diverting them again, a feeling of shame and guilt pooling within your chest until it's limit, it was too much and you feared that it might overflow, you couldn't bear it on your own. You just wished he wouldn't catch on the layer of water gathering on your irises, ready to cascade down your face.

Although his worried orbs searched for yours, there was no way you could let him see- let him see what you had thought, even if just for a second. He couldn't find out about the somber strings of negativity entangled from every angle of your body, tightening around the font of your feelings. Baekhyun would eventually find out about the horrible person you were- that you envied your friend because she was better than you in everything, that you had absolutely no talent- no capabilities, that you weren't enough, ever.

Teeth drilled into your lower lip as you tried your best to gulp away the thick tears, a metallic taste spread on your tongue as you wished for nothing but to disappear.

"Alright good job everyone, you all did very well on the test, I'm proud. You're dismissed." Mr. Byun announced while adjusting all the tests neatly on his desk, his thin spectacles placed low on the bridge of his nose and eyelashes kissing his cheeks as he glanced down on the papers. Shouldering your backpack, you made yourself ready to leave.

"Miss Y/n," The honey-like voice that you found yourself craving to hear in your sleepless nights, it called you, and you could only stop in your tracks with fear and nervousness. You couldn't tell whether your heart was picking up its rate, was it because you were going to spend some time alone with him?- or because he was wanted to scold you about something? Perhaps your grades. "I'd like a moment with you please," He continued, not giving away any of his real intentions, and intrigued, you watched when he removed the glasses from his face, folded them neatly and soundlessly placed them on his desk.

As soon as the classroom had emptied, he proceeded to close the door, on his way back to his desk was when he loosened the black-tie from around his neck, popping a few buttons of his shirt- giving you the chance to witness a few inches of his milky skin as he sat down on the edge of the table. Even in your darkest times, he could make you wander to such thoughts and you couldn't decide whether he was dangerous or perhaps just a very beautiful dream, an escape.

"Come," He said, and for a few moments you felt as if your feet had been glued onto the floor, but eventually you moved- and walked to where he was sitting. There wasn't anything stern or raging in his eyes and you could only internally sigh with relief.

"Is everything alright?" Oh no,  you could handle worried stares, but when people straight out asked you that question, there was no way tears wouldn't well in your eyes because obviously, it was so not okay. Not at all, nothing was okay, not you, not your belief in yourself, you were just a mass of shattered glass, and you started to think that not even his healing voice could fix you this time. "You seemed very upset, do you want to talk about it?" No. But-

It was too late when a sob escaped your lips, one sob and countless tears, now that it had begun, you couldn't control it, and you hated it that he had to see you like this, this weak, this embarrassing. Hands flew immediately to your face, letting your hair cover your condition like a curtain. But no matter how much you covered yourself, there was nothing that could stifle the evidence of your sorrow.

Even though your tears, a shiver covered your spine when you felt the soft hand from before resting on the small of your back, pushing you ever so gently closer to him, you didn't stop him. You didn't stop him when his arm came around your shoulders, letting you come in contact with his strong yet incredibly soft chest as his hand rested close to your collarbone and his head leaned in close to your neck, lips brushing lightly over your ear when he once again whispered; "What's wrong?"

It was hard speaking through your strong sobs, but when Baekhyun's hand slid from your shoulder down to your back and stroke soft circles of heat with his thumb you magically found yourself calming down. You didn't know how he did that, how he with his sole presence could purify your darkened heart.

"I- I will never be enough," You cried, hand fisting a handful of his white, expensive button-up, but he couldn't care less about the wrinkles forming on it as he finally closed both of his arms around your frame, letting you petite body press completely against his.

"Hey," He soothed, "What is this about? " His cheek pressed affectionately against yours, his lips caressing your skin with a touch feather-light and you had no idea if it was safe for him to hold you this close to him in his own classroom, if it was safe for you to give away all of your heart to him right now, to let him hear your throbbing heartbeat, to let him see your weaknesses. But his comforting scent felt like home and in this moment where you felt lost in the darkness you didn't know resided within you- he was the only source of light that you were willing to follow.

"Whatever I do will never be enough, I will never be the best I can be, I just hate everything about myself at the moment. I'm a horrible person, I- I felt envy towards the people I love- I-"

"Y/n," He demanded softly, the sound of his voice vibrated soothingly from his chest as he spoke.

"Don't compete with others, there's no point in doing that. Every student has his own fortes and struggles, you are no different. There are certain things in which you can't succeed at once, you have to fight your way up there." Biting your lips, more tears welled inside of your eyes- not because of sorrow, but because his words hit home, just like the rest of his being did.

"Don't hate yourself for not reaching your goal just yet, don't give up on yourself like that, you have potential, you are amazing and as your teacher, I know you can get there if only you befriended yourself instead of fighting with yourself. You are you, you don't need to look at others, okay?" He said, two fingers lifting your chin so that you could meet his strong gaze filled with sincerity and determination. "Whichever your goal is, you don't have to reach it alone, you don't have to rely on those who make you feel pressured, you can come to me and we'll figure it out. Is that clear?"

"Crystal," Your voice trembled but was by now definitely stable enough to form sentences.

"Sometimes, we're bound to feel envious, but it's only in our nature, it won't make you a bad person, you just want to do your best, I know how you feel, but sometimes, we have to be stronger than the envy and force ourselves to ignore those thoughts." Baekhyun was taking in every detail of your face as he let his heart speak, fingers gently combing through your hair and gently curling stray hair behind your ear, you only nodded.

" You're a good girl." He cooed, leaning in to place his lips close to yours, landing on the corner of your mouth, lingering there while all you could do was close your eyes and succumb to the softness of his texture against yours, feeling eager to lock your lips with his- but knowing it's yet too soon for that. When he moved his lips to close them shortly on every inch of yours, leaving pure pecks that wouldn't lead to something more, nothing more but the proof that loved him, and now you knew he did too. And perhaps one day, you'd be comforted by the gift of a breathtaking kiss, like the ones you'd dreamed of.  

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I don't know about you guys, but these days, I am this person and I'm trying to fix it.

it kinda sucks, might delete later.

[jenonctcity]

Anchored

[7:45pm]

Lee Donghyuck – Angst

Warnings: Aggressive behaviour. (He doesn’t harm the reader.)

Word Count: 1.8k

Rich-Kids!Au

Request: Anon - fixed marriage with snarky and cold donghyuck only for him to be so angry when you had announced that you were pregnant and you really weren't (you weren't whoring around and neither has donghyuck ever touched you) you were just tryna get out of the marriage since he hates you but he’s just scared.

 You’d always known your own destiny. Born into a family that had more money than sense. The amount of businesses your family owned was ridiculous. Of course, you’d been spoilt beyond your wildest dreams since birth by your doting parents. But you’d always had the unfair fate of your arranged marriage looming over your head like a dark cloud ready to rain on your parade at any given moment. All through your teens you would have cute boys approach you with the interest of dating. Only for you to turn them down flat. What was the point in dating someone, potentially falling head over heels in love with someone when in the end you’d just get married off to the son of a family just as influential as your own? You didn’t want the hurt that came with that, so you blocked off any potential love interests. You always knew the boy you would eventually marry was the son to your fathers’ best friend. Named Donghyuck and born a year before you, he also knew of the fate that you wouldn’t exactly call written in the stars for you both.

When you were kids, you would get along well. He was excited to one day marry you and would often refer to you as his princess and would offer you his hand to dance at any balls or functions your families attended. You enjoyed his company and thought that at least you hadn’t been paired up with someone unattractive and creepy. He had even been your first kiss when you had turned 16. You always remember how gentle and soft his lips had felt against yours. Until he turned 18 the year before you did. He suddenly became hostile to you, his attitude turning sour whenever you were in his presence. He would be cold and snarky, often trying to make you look stupid in front of your friends and strangers at the many events you all attended. This brought on a feeling of dread at marrying the spoilt brat. Most people are excited for their 18th birthday. Especially when they have parents are rich and generous as your own. But you woke up the morning of your birthday with tears trailing down your face and a panic attack moving like a hurricane through your mind and lungs. Your dreams of living an easy and happy life shattered as 18 is the age you would become engaged to Donghyuck. 

He was present at your party, gifting you with a beautiful necklace that his mother had no doubt picked out and had forced him to give to you. Your parents pushed you into being by his side the whole night until it was finally announced to all your friends, distant family, and people you had never seen before, that in four months’ time you would become a married woman and marry Lee Donghyuck. He faked a smile for the cameras that flashed in your eyes as he tightly gripped your hand. Cries of congratulations echoing in your mind and making you feel sick to the stomach with nerves.

A week later your parents had left the two of you alone in the big dining room of your mansion. The crystal chandelier reflecting light onto the diamond necklace that cascaded down your neck and stopped just above your breasts. It was the necklace that Donghyuck had given you. You’d only worn it in hopes he would be more appreciative towards you. You also had a slither of hope he would see it and start up a conversation with you just to mute the awkward silence you knew would ensue. His expensive tailored suit made him look gorgeous. His dark brown hair -that you knew was a dye job - was swept up to the side, exposing his forehead and giving his already handsome looks a more intimidating look. When you’d stepped into the dining room, he bowed to you, looking you up and down once and pretending that your stunning looks and beautiful dress didn’t affect him. You wore a beautiful floor length down, the crimson colour making your skin glow and making his heart skip a beat. His face stayed stoic all through the meal, his eyes barely glancing at you and leaving a burning feeling of fear at the pit of your stomach.

Is this what you had to endure for the foreseeable future? You couldn’t handle it. Immediately thinking of a get out plan and not executing it very well when you opening your red stained lips and spoke.

“I’m pregnant.” The moment the words left your mouth you felt a sense of dread and regret at the ridiculous excuse you’d blurted out to him. He froze, body visibly tensing and as he lowered his fork and steak knife down onto the table. His expensive cut of steak forgotten about as your words rang through his head.

“What the fuck did you just say?” He growled, glaring at you through his eyebrows. His glower intimidatingly scary as he kept is eyes on you. You gulped, taking a deep breath before feeding into your lie more.

“I’m pregnant with another mans baby. Call the wedding off.” You knew he didn’t have the power to actually stop the wedding on his own accord. But if he told his parents the words you’d just assaulted him with then you were sure they’d pull out of the deal in a heartbeat. Your palms started to get clammy as his silence caused an aura of fright in the room. He scoffed a laugh, standing up from the table and angrily lashing out, pushing everything in front of him onto the floor in rage. You flinched and froze up, staying rooted to your seat as he stormed over to you from his side of the long table.

“You fucking think that will stop them?! Stupid bitch. How could you be so stupid?!” His words cut you like a knife, his voice loud and echoing in the room over the sound of the soft music coming from the speakers. “They’ll still make us marry. But now I’m going to be forced to raise another mans baby.” His fists clenched and he let out a sigh, running a hand over his eyes and rubbing them in stress. “You did this on purpose, fucking slut.” He clearly had no care for the disgusting language leaving his mouth and you had no idea he could have so much malic in his tone. You jaw dropped open at his words, tears flooding to your eyes as you had the internal battle of whether to tell him the truth or not.

“Calm down…” You said softly, your words barely making it past your lips before he flipped out again.

“Calm down?! Calm fucking down?!” He grabbed the arms of the chair you sat in, caging you into the chair as his face got closer to you. “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” He didn’t shout or raise his voice, instead his words were quiet but like venom invading your bloodstream.

“Okay I lied. I’ve never slept with anyone…I just thought it would stop the marriage. I don’t want to marry you.” You cleared your throat, finally raising your head to stare him in the eyes. Confidence suddenly striking you. “You hate me. Why would I want to marry someone who does nothing but look down on me and belittle me?” He shut his eyes, his head dropping in relief at your confession. He let out a sigh before meeting his dark eyes with your own. You noticed the red rimming his eyes and the gloss that made the lights reflect brightly in them.

“I don’t hate you.” He pulled away from you, choosing to sit in the seat beside you instead of going back to his seat parallel to you across the table. He slouched, sniffing and giving his eyes a quick wipe in hopes you didn’t see the tears that threatened to spill. “I hate this situation. I thought if I was cold towards you that our parents wouldn’t force us to marry. Obviously, I was wrong.” He huffed a humourless laugh, shaking his head in disbelief at this situation.

“I didn’t hate this until you started being a dick.” Your voice wavered slightly as your confidence wore off. He shot you a look of surprise, his eyebrow raised at your choice of words.

“I didn’t hate it either until I found out the minute that I marry you I’m expected to get you pregnant and take over one of my fathers’ businesses.” He shook his head, his eyes wondering around the room as you let his words sink in. “How can I be a good husband, run a business, and be a loving father at my age?” His voice cracked again, sniffing back his emotions and suddenly finding the chandelier interesting so he didn’t have to look at you. “I didn’t want my work to get in the way of us…I thought I’d have time to be a husband and father before my father gave one of his businesses to me.” He sighed and focused on you again.

“Hyuck…” You reached out and laced your fingers with his own, using your other hand to fiddle with his long fingers. “We can figure this out…our parents love us and if we explain how bad this is making us feel maybe they can switch some things up.” You took a deep breath, lifting his hand to your lips before placing a soft chaste kiss on his knuckles, leaving behind a smudge of red lipstick. “At the minute they probably assume we’re happy with how the arrangement is. If we tell them otherwise then we can maybe figure out how to be happy with each other.” A tender smile made his face glow. You much preferred his face when it wasn’t sending death glares at you. Thinking maybe you could get used to the smiley side of Donghyuck again even after not seeing it for a year.

“I’d like that.” His voice was gentle, a complete juxtaposition of how harsh it was just minutes ago when he’d completely lost his shit. “I’m gonna kiss you now, is that okay?” He bit his bottom lip in anticipation of your answer.

“More than okay.” You blushed, nodding your head quickly. His hand slipped from yours, placing them both on the arms of your chair once again. He leaned in, brushing his nose gently against your own, your lips softly grazing against each other’s before he planted them firmly on you.

[shegavemeroses]

1989, a concept. a story. a love lost. a love found.

a few days ago dani aka @ofrunningfoxes started doing what came to be called “taylor universes” which was basically taking the phenomenal worlds taylor builds in her songs and personifying them, interpreting them in different ways. and i’ve been inspired by songs and lyrics for decades now, using them to write or draw or paint or whatever the fuck i feel like creating in the moment. but the whole concept of that basically got me to thinking a LOT about the 1989 album in particular, because the secret messages really lend to such a storyline. so i decided to flesh that one out for myself. 

prose/poem thing of sorts interpreting each song on the 1989 album as one story in a particular woman’s journey to finding herself. under the cut.

part i, we begin our story in new york

“Welcome to New York” is light and excitement. Many are intimidated by her, yet everyone longs to make her their home. But she won’t open up to just anyone; you have to earn your right to know her. Through her heartbreaks and success and losses and gains and adventures, she’s built a life she’s proud of. But maybe it’s about to come tumbling down.

part ii, there once was a girl known by everyone and no one

Everyone thinks they know her, but few are right. The rumors swirled around so much, spun a story of someone she never wanted to be, that eventually that’s who she had to become. Her life moves so quickly even she can’t keep up with it. Dolled up in black lace and red lipstick, she falls fast, hard, and often, opening up her heart to anyone who promises to stay for the weekend. Or maybe forever. 

part iii, her heart belonged to someone who couldn’t stay

All she wants is anything that promises to be something. Flying through lovers faster than a car speeding through the black night, she knows she’s not the only one that’s been in this passenger seat lately. But this is who she is, and why bother changing when it’s never worked out otherwise? She is fun. She is freedom. Who wouldn’t want her?

part iv, they loved each other recklessly

Freedom comes with a price. It all moved too fast and the fears she tried to ignore for so long came back to haunt her, old terrors appearing in her rearview mirror. Mascara streaks running down her previously perfect made-up face, destroying the perfect image she had created for herself. She one lived in colors, red love becoming orange warnings fading to yellow caution, a false alarm of green calm leading to the saddest blue deepening to a purple she wasn’t quite sure how to be proud of. But now it’s faded. And so is she.

part v, they paid the price

She wanted to stay, but she’s never been one who stays. Some reason or another caused her to leave, even though the voice in her head screams at her to stay. She feels like a mess now, broken pieces scattered all over the floor that she keeps stepping on, adding more scars to the pile on her shattered heart. It could’ve been so simple. But that’s not how you learn.

part vi, she danced to forget him

Rumors lead to more rumors. No matter what she does, it seems there’s a new one every night, from someone pretending they know who she is based on one story or conversation. She does her best to pay it no mind, instead making her own soundtrack as she goes about the life she’s built for herself. It’s lonely and she’s looking for something new to make it otherwise, but it’s hers. 

part vii, he drove past her street each night

You can’t find something new until you say goodbye to the old. She longs for what she once had, even though what it was is not what it will ever be. She regrets her choice to turn away, to pretend she didn’t care as much as she did. But that’s what’s gotten her hurt before and she can’t let it happen again. She still wishes on stars, hoping for another chance at a happy ending.

part viii, she made friends and enemies

But happy endings don’t dome without a lot of trial and error. Sometimes you trust the wrong people, and it ends up giving you more scars when you thought it was healing them. So much betrayal can make a woman hard. She feels broken beyond repair. Shiny becomes dull, strong becomes weak. Did it have to go so deep?

part ix, he only saw her in his dreams

She began living through her dreams. What wasn’t real couldn’t hurt her. As the sun fades so does reality, setting her up for another adventure, creating something that’ll end as just a memory, blurring the line between fiction and reality. Maybe it’s pretend, maybe it’s familiar, maybe it’s exactly what she needs to become okay again, comfortable in her own self.

part x, then one day he came back

But the rain isn’t done just yet. Ghosts from her past are still there. Healing isn’t linear, and there’s more than one shot at happiness when you’re learning how to love again. The broken pieces that once cut her are being put back together. She won’t be picture perfect ever again. But perfect isn’t real, and it’s not worth waiting for or working for if it’s not real.

part xi, timing is a funny thing

It’s hard to know when it’s right, when it’s real. Sometimes you just have to hope for that. And hidden in the ethereal hopes for her future is freedom, perhaps with her love by her side. The one challenge is getting your heart in just the right place as the other’s. That’s where she struggles. Keeping her heart safe has been all she knows for so long, but just when she wasn’t expecting the return it proved to be just what she needed.

part xii, and everyone was watching

How do you keep a fragile thing safe? It has to be kept hidden, safe, away from the weight of the world where cruel truths and comforting lies can’t hurt it. But something can’t flourish when it’s hidden away. Being locked away can be good for some time. It can give you the space you need to heal, but before too long the fear of being found out can hurt the healing. She was never meant to be hidden away. She was meant to thrive.

part xiii, she lost him but she found herself and somehow that was everything

Back and forth, forth and back, start to finish, finish to start. Present and past all blurring together, creating a haze that reminds her of everything she’s overcome. Surviving wasn’t easy. Looking around at the former mess that surrounded her, that enveloped her, she realized all along she didn’t need some great outside love to heal her, to help her, to love her. She could do that all on her own. The only one she ever needed to love her, was herself.