#people really just dont think rape is that big a deal is what it comes down to

[olderthannetfic]

I do think the disclaimers from authors about NOT ENDORSING!!!! certain behaviors in fics is pretty funny, but I’ll admit I do it too. Oddly I only put warnings for abuse of the self, not the abuse of others. I write a fair bit of fic that “romanticizes” (or seems like it does) suicide/self harm/eating disorders to the point where it can almost be a tutorial of how to do it if I’m graphic enough. So in those I normally just add dead dove tags and put a disclaimer about how the trigger warning is no joke and you shouldn’t do the things that the characters do in the fic. It’s not like a Lifetime Movie end credits where the authors note is filled with hotlines and stuff, just a quick little note that, hey, yeah, if you’re considering this, don’t do it.

Oddly, I don’t think that behavior comes from fandom itself but rather from a completely different corner of the internet — when I struggled with the same stuff that I write about, it was pretty common for everyone’s bio to say that they “don’t promote” or they’re “not pro” and I guess old habits die hard. (Whether or not certain types of depression/SH/ana blogs etc really DONT promote or those words are just a please-don’t-ban-me card is a completely different discussion.)

It’s pretty ironic actually because when I’m on the other side of things (as the reader), reading about it is really cathartic in fic, but triggering (not in a fun way) in “real” books. Like there’s several books I had to DNF or shelf because it got to be too much, but oddly enough fic actually helps me a lot.

WOW that was all way heavier than I intended to get when I first started typing this ask! But yeah, that’s my own personal relationship to “I do not endorse” and I didn’t realize how odd it actually is until I started reading some of these other asks! I don’t think any type of “this is bad, actually” authors note is ever necessary honestly, but I also don’t think they’re that big of a deal — if a note from the writer about how they’re ~totally against the “bad” thing they’re writing about~ really takes you out of the fic that much, I don’t understand that either…it’d be one thing if they rambled on and on but even then I don’t think it’s that big of a deal 🤣 Annoying maybe but no one is required to read the AN.

My general threshold is “would a movie/podcast/real™️ book have a similar Viewer Discretion Adviced notice? If so, your A/N is likely fine and not virtual signal-ly or OTT at all.”

--

Heh. I think you're assuming a very different type of PSA from what other people are.

From what I've read, self-harm, suicide, and disordered eating are some of the topics that are a bit Monkey See, Monkey Do. Even support group discussions may increase the desire to cut, for example. It's still not 1:1, and we should be able to make art about serious topics, but a PSA doesn't feel totally absurd here. There are plenty of scientific studies showing measurable increases in people hurting themselves IRL after consuming certain material. Even if you did include a hotline, most people's objection is like "That number isn't valid for where I live", not "No one should ever do this".

I think if you polled people, you'd find that many of the PSA-haters are actually totally fine with "Hey, this fic contains serious depictions of mental illness. Make sure you're up for that today." and similar warnings.

But what people are actually talking about in 99% of "PSAs suck" discussions is rape fantasies.

Some clown writes a fic that is blatant fap material for people who like bodice ripper ravishment, and then they plaster it with "Rape Fantasies Bad" commentary that shows that they're judging themselves and their readers in a puritanical way that's a mega-buzzkill, completely out of keeping with the tone of the fic, and completely out of keeping with the actual scientific evidence.

Rape fantasies are commonplace and not a big deal, and to the extent that any depictions are demonstrably harmful, it's things like mainstream Hollywood movies reinforcing very standard cultural narratives, not somebody's sex pollen fic that's probably full of "It's so wrong, so why is it so hot???" anyway.

[nerves-nebula]

heyo, uh sorry for the super long message, and sorry this question is a little strange or somethin, you dont have to answer it, but youre like the only person i have seen on the internet comfortably talk about csa, and i wanted to just kinda say ive been debating including csa in one of my characters backstories but im nervous i will misrepresent it or something (i have experience with being sexually harrassed/coerced when i was a teenager but it wasnt drastic and i am not a victim of csa) and i guess i wanted advice. i don't want it to seem like its for cheap shock value, i do want to make it thematically relevant. the character, who i will call S for conveniance, was raised in isolation by their mother for their entire childhood and was abused and neglected, and S was raised to be "bait" for people to lure them in so their mother could eat them (uh. yeah cannibalism is here too. their backstory is already fucked up without the csa) i have a basic idea for how the csa starts, how it incorporates itself into the story and how S is affected by it, but i dont know, im nervous about including any of this because again, its a serious topic, and i want to portray it in a way that doesnt feel like its there just to make the reader disgusted. so if you have any pointers for me i'd appreciate that. again no big deal if you dont answer this

well it sounds like you've already made it thematically relevant with the whole "raised to be bait" thing so good job. I can absolutely see myself reading a story like that and thinking "this would be improved with csa but the author probably didnt wanna go there" cuz I can't imagine a situation in which a child is created for and frequently put in that kind of danger for the parents benefit that wouldn't somehow cross over into CSA or at least emotionally incestuous behavior.

it makes sense to be nervous when writing about it but without exact examples i can't really tell you if i think you're off base on anything. im not sure if any of the general pointers i COULD give would be very helpful on account of i'm not the end all be all of csa representation haha. my situation wasn't even that bad, i'm just inordinately fixated on it for some reason.

some people will tell you that under no circumstances should you write a graphic csa scene. this comes from an understandable place where in the past a lot of csa in media has been very uhhhh exploitative i guess? just for shock value, like you said here? which can be alienating and hurtful and rely on unrealistic tropes and spread misinformation and a lot of bad stuff. but i personally like when things get a bit graphic, its why i liked The Incest Diary so much. it really depends on the tone of the story and you're just gonna have to accept that you're not gonna please everyone.

as for less/non-graphic csa portrayals theres this article by this author Rene Denfeld which i really like and respect. i've read her books The Child Finder and The Butterfly Girl and i think they're both good examples of portraying explicitly that a child was raped, focusing on the childs inner world, and what its like to live with and cope with that trauma afterwards, all without anything very explicit.

as a side note, i don't think that "Trying to make the reader disgusted" is a bad reason to include it. i dont think you need a higher justification to write about csa other than "I Wanted To." that doesnt mean i always enjoy or agree with how ppl write about it but trying to evoke disgust isnt inherently bad because it is disgusting. I often evoke disgust with my art even when I don't mean to just because people are more sensitive to it than I am.

but being overly cautious about writing about csa, to the point that you don't even include it, means that most of the ppl writing about it will either be dickheads who don't care at all about being sensitive and victims of csa themselves and when those are the two main categories things get iffy and stressful and the survivors voices often get drowned out. im not gonna go into why cuz that'll take foreverrrrr. but my point is that I don't believe CSA is worse than like, death, or grief or murder or something. you can write about it if you wanna you dont need an excuse.

[kendrixtermina]

I've been thinking about it time & again, turning & turning it around in my head - like, even going back to some thoughts I'd had before this particular case, to make sure I'm not bending my morals here & being the worst kind of asshole. It's actually been nagging at the back of my mind since these ideas first became mainstream in the early 2010s.

But I just can't square it with my conscience to treat a miscommunication the same as, like... I've read many stories with with violence, threats or coersion.

Or even emotional manipulation, entitlement or pushyness.

I was thinking about this with the Melanie Martinez case, and that one's worse cause she was pushy & other people who consensually slept with her confirm that she could be pushy & insistent. But that's also a situation where she walked away with the belief that the other girl was simply convinced & agreed.

And in the story with Flake there wasn't even convincing.

It's so easy to say "if you really cared you'd notice". Lots of people are just really passive in bed. Some men hate it, some ask you to lie still - people might misread signs while drunk & that's why you (as in, the initiator, not the girl) should be careful with how much you drink.

But it just isn't the same. I can't call it the same word.

Threats, violence or even entitled demanding require a huge level of disregard of another person's autonomy & personhood.

A misunderstanding like this, however, or the person having conflicting feelings... It seems like it could just happen to anyone!

Could it happen to me? I hope not, of course. I do all the stuff you're supposed to to avoid it. But I'm not perfect. Hetero women may think they'd never be the one misreading stuff unless they actually mean to assault someone since in present society men usually do the initiating, but as one of those pesky bisexuals, and just someone who believes the best way to avoid becoming blinded, sanctimonious or entitles is to be aware of your own capacity for mistake or evil, I don't want to assume that I'd always get everything right because "im one of the good ones".

No one wants anyone to have an experience like this girl did, or at least i dont, & stuff like education on communication & consent & when-in-doubt-check-in-and-err-on-the-sage-side and centering mutual pleasure instead of the lock/key bullshit is so important. I'm FOR that. I WANT that. I don't consider this okay, or no big deal, or made up. I want a world where that doesn't happen insofar as the imperfect instrument that is human judgement can prevent it.

But how do we make it the standards, how do we promote it? I don't think declaring it rape, thereby putting it on the same level as Cosby, Weinstein or Trump stuff is the way.

I have never believed in "deterrent by harsh punishment to protect people" or "if you don't wanna be punished just don't misbehave" to dismiss fears of unjust or capricious punishment in any other context. I don't believe it when it comes to government spying. I don't believe it when it comes to death penalty. It's authoritarian. Not everyone who professes to be scared of false punishment or how anyone could just make up whatever about what their inner feelings were is just looking to excuse rape; there's insecure young men who are just afraid of messing up. (or heck, queer people, with how their attraction is often portrayed as predatory)

I 100% agree with the goal of minimizing "i felt I had to go along"/"just let it happen" type experiences as much as possible, but the question is how?

like crimes don't exist objectively; they are defined by people with the goal of creating good social incentives. We define and re-define crimes through history, and I'm no longer sure these recent pushs for redefinition have been a constructve ones.

With someone who would deliberately disregard the will of others, that's someone who probably won't engage in good faith & rarely changes their way; In that case, ostracism hammer is merited - they can't be convinced so they must be cut off from victims.

But communication fail isn't like that; those may be people who generally care & are willing to adjust behavior and the threat of the full punishment/ostracism hammer at the slightest misjudgement is more likely to drive them into the arms of extremists or grow resentful & isn't conducive to a working society.

You can't have safety guidelines too clunky to actually use or they will get ignored. It's like abstinence education or red tape. Drunk fucking (not unconscious but responsive/awake) will always happen; nonverbal initiation of sex will always happen. Most times all participants are happywith it.  And we saw in some of the Till stories that even a consistent habit of always asking "should we do this, should we stop, are you sure etc" all the stuff you're rightfully supposed to do to make the chance of it as low as possible, doesn't prevent some people having conflicted feelings or "going along".

I mean, I'm not doubting the girl's experience at all or dismissing the reality of her pain. but it's possible to feel shitty about an experience or find it traumatic without anyone having done a crime to you. What ppl find traumatic can be so subjective, and being dissappointed in how you reacted doesn't mean the other person automatically gets all the blame cause they cant read your mind. They did not "make you" be silent or give indication that they wouldn't listen, so how are they completely to blame?!

Like I realize this cannot be up to the perps, lots of indisputable rapists will say shit like how she "secretly wanted it". - if a girl says she said no, I believe her unless there is a track record of her making random shit up in the past. But if she explicitly says that she didn't say no or give any sign of distress, I see no reason to doubt that either & assume that her inner state "must" have been obvious.

The girl can't help having flawed messy human reactions either but like, will burning some guy on a stake make the trauma go away?

I just - I don't believe in fair world hypothesis and "if you do everything right no one ever feels hurt". I don't believe that doing your best will just automatically be good enough.

To be 100% clear: I don't blame the girl for feeling overwhelmed, but I also can't bring myself to blame the guy for misreading communication if she gives no indication of disliking what's happening. Or, like, both have nonzero responsibility (he should have verbally checked in and neither should have drank so much booze, for starters. ) but neither has full control of all the factors or can be exempted from human fallibility. Sometimes ppl mess up and it can't be 100% avoided & no one is the villain. People can only be judged based on the information they have, they can't be made 100% responsible for the inner state of others that they can't access if those others don't give indications of it. From today's perspective I can say he should have checked in verbally but I could not say that if I had not read about/been educated about why that can be so important/ how its common for ppl to not say anything etc. I might as well say "use a smartphone" to a person from the 90s.

I just can't bring myself to think that for this moment of misjudging her reaction, he's now the same as someone who would threaten another with a knife to get his way - it just seems too cruel to me.

It's unfair that she had a shitty experience, too. But I don't think shitty experiences could be 100% prevented even if no one on earth ever took the slightest lick of risk ever again, that's just outcome bias/ just world fallacy.

[thegeminisage]

tng update time!! we're back, baby. sunday we did "the masterpiece society" and "conundrum" and last night* we did "power play" and "ethics."

*by last night i mean earlier tonight, but i'm typing this at 1am and letting it post tomorrow

the masterpiece society: this one was okay. i was very endeared at first to this guy flirting RESPECFULLY with deanna after the ordeal of 3 rape scenes in one episode but then she shot him down and he kept flirting. WILL my misery never cease

that said, i like that picard was nice to her when she fessed up about fucking with him. i am so fond of saying "treat him really niceys" about data but perhaps we should also be treating DEANNA really niceys. instead of raping her repeatedly.

one hilarious detail i noticed about this episode was that they went out of their way to show us a lot of extras in this episode (sometimes we don't even get this many extras in ten forward scenes) and show us that the extras were. diverse. because if the society is "genetically engineered to perfection." and then you only show white people. THAT puts a whole new spin on things. i'm imagining some joker on the production team looking at a shot of mostly-white extras and frantically calling the casting director on the phone

i was EXTREMELY worried when they asked geordi to work with this woman but he was professional the whole time to my huge relief. actually, geordi had a little bit going on in this ep that i really enjoyed - when these "perfect" people kept implying he would have been aborted as a fetus in their society he gave as good as he got EVERY time and his blind ass DID in fact wind up saving all their lives and GOOD FOR HIM!

i dont really get what the big deal is about 23 people leaving = destroying their society. if you can't plann for people being out then it's your managerial skills that need work. also, they were kinda freaks, so maybe they needed to have their little cult broken up. sorry

conundrum: EPISODES FOR MEEEEE. this episode was just like tabula rasa, except this predates tabula rasa, so really tabula rasa is just like IT. anyway, amnesia. i was gleefully rubbing my hands together the entire time

hands down funniest bit was everyone just assuming worf is captain despite the fact that he's bloodthirsty and insane but the second funniest bit was data the bartender. "where's the android?" "serving drinks in ten forward." "[as data speed types] you must have been one hell of a bartender." 10/10 no notes

also his little chess game with deanna!! wah.

actually no the other funny bit was riker lowkey running around on deanna with ro. and i abslutely LOOOVED he and deanna being flirty with each other. it's ABOUT TIME we got some real food. it's been so sexless up til now that all she did was play with his hair a little and we both went bananas

and then the scene at the END? riker more flustered than we've EVER seen him and these two ladies ganging up on him...mwah. 10/10 perfect.

the villain this episode was good. when he first showed up cathy was like who tf is that and i was like idk some rando im sure he doesnt matter but then the computer named him first officer and it was like !!!!!!!!!!!! they tricked me !!! it's a VERY rare day when tng manages to trick me i was so pleased. i do kinda wish they hadn't theo teennwolfed him though (made everyone else a bit dumber to make him seem smart)

power play: deannna was so hot in this episode she should play male characters more often

i really REALLY wish i had been riker deanna and worf that had been possessed. data's not as much fun when he's someone else and not data. obrien could have come too if he wanted though i guess

PLEASE do not tell rosalind chao to shut her baby up. the last time someone told anyone to shut a baby up in a property she happened to be acting in. well. mash fans know. they know.

i genuinely believed those guys were ghosts until the last second. probably because prisoners makes no sense. also, i think prison for 500 years is too much. can we not just let them die

i love when possessed data tried to prove worf and worf was like lol no. he knows data is 10x stronger than him lmao

i wish guinan had been in this episode it's been ages and i miss her

after how tense and fun the beginning was the end and middle of this episode were kind of anticlimactic. still, it was fun and so it gets a pass. more people should get possessed on the enterprise

WHY DO I ONLY GET 4K CHARACTERS PER TEXT BLOCK staff i'll fucking kill you. anyway

ethics: RIKER/WORF/DEANNA IS REAL IT HAPPENED ON MY COMPUTER SCREEN!

ok, first of all, sorry i have to go ahead and get this out of the way before i get to the good stuff, picard advocating for assisted suicide is NNNOT his best look. in fact it's literally such a fucking bad look. actually. uhh tw for talk of suicide here on down

i understand what they were trying to do. they wanted to present both sides of the ethical dilemma here "equally." but there are some problems with this. firstly, in the real world, assisted suicide is for people with like. terminal illness. worf was fine. yes, he was paralyzed, but he was healthy and had the change to regain a great deal of his mobility. so picard already looks like an asshole because he's advocating for a disabled person killing themselves because they "can't" adjust to the loss.

SECONDLY, the use of "can't" was very poorly done here. if picard had said, worf is too stubborn to change his beliefs, he WON'T adjust to this because he will refuse to try, that would be a LOT BETTER than saying "worf CAN'T adjust to this, it's too many lifelong values to change."

and finally, if we really wanted to be "equal" about the debate, it wouldn't be about worf's ability or inability to adjust to being disabled, it would be about his BELIEFS. like his society and heritage, which he cherishes so deeply because he felt disconnected from it for so much of his life. instead picard was just like "worf is way too much of a pussy to do this just let him die lmao"

like he seriously tried to persuade will to KILL WORF. worse, to help worf kill himself!! JUST BECAUSE WORF WAS DISABLED. he even guilted riker about it: "he wouldn't have asked if he didn't know he could count on you." girl what the FUCK

ok anyway, speaking of will: his reaction here was so strong i wonder if he knew someone who'd killed themselves before. NOT that i'm complaining about a strong reaction. FINALLY we are getting some solid worf/riker Content. maybe asking your commanding officer to kill you is romance or whatever. i loved their argument to little bitty pieces. compare to: riker in tears next to deanna's sickbay bed. ooough i am eating. according to the wiki they actually cut a scene of nose-to-nose yelling and i'm mad about it. LET THEM PUT THEIR FACES TOGETHER. give me something to live for

deanna in this episode too. her kneeling by the fallen worf and murmuring "let me help you." her making him talk to his son. him BASICALLY asking her to be his kid's new adoptive parent should he kick it

oh speaking of alexander. he said some really troubling things this episode. such as, "my mom always said klingons had dumb ideas about honor" and "i don't care about being klingon." HIS MOTHER WAS RACIST..............if alexander decides the klingon ways aren't for him that's fine but that should be a choice HE GETS TO MAKE what an insane way to be raised. meanwhile people are out here calling worf a deadbeat and he put aside his suicide plan for alexander specifically

other shocking things about this episode: beverly was sooooo good actually. she was channeling bones energy in her fury and i mean that as the highest possible compliment. that other doctor quite literally KILLED A PATIENT because she's so sketchy and focused on her own glory "oh i need tokeep a professional detachment" YEAH SO YOU DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT KILLING PEOPLE. bones would have torn her limb for limb and i'm very glad beverly did too. i just don't understand why she was allowed to like leave the ship and go back to practicing medicine. she should have her medical liscene revoked. was this too also in the name of "both sides" of the debate girl this isn't fox news she KILLED A PATIENT for her own personal gain just space her ass!

the fake-out with worf dying was expected but them faking us out for so LONG was a surprise. i was like how are they gonna get him out of this one and it's literally the klingon anatomy. double of eeeeeverrrything. wow that sure is something. funny that worf has ridges on sooo many places. love that it took until season 5 to see it

also, that surgery scene was GROSS. im not normally squeamish but that little worm thingy they put into him looked awful

devastated there was no worf/riker reunuion at the end but other than that and picard and that other dr lady not getting fired it was extremely good. one of my favs so far i think actually.

tonight: "the outcast" and "cause and effect." i've started spoiling myself w/ episode summaries in order not to get surprised by 3 rape scenes in a row again and ik what both of these are about and im soooo excited for it

[mithliya]

Not you digging at me "Uhh well what does she mean uhhh does she like brown hair white peepol?? Blue eyes white peepol??" Like omfg no its just that all my crushes and attractions have happened to be white. Thats it. I have never felt attraction towards black ppl. Sure you aren't saying I have to fuck black people to be non racist but you sure are soo concerned with others not wanting to! You sure are very speculative for some reason! And misframing me saying I said "My Vagina Responds to Whites Only" as if I'm a nazi. Again keep grasping at straws. People not being attracted to black ppl isn't bigotry, yes it does sound rapey of YOU not ALL BLACK PPL because YOU don't speak for all WOC. You keep trying to make me racist or keep trying to bait ME into saying some racist bs which I'm not gonna because I dont think those things. Absolutely WILD that first you said I think woc are males like where is all this coming from?

I wouldve never sent anons if you never made it into such a big deal of some whites not wanting to date brown people. Like sorry YOU PERSONALLY can't handle it. Doesn't make me a racist. It has nothing to do with black features like that other anon said, I just haven't had any attraction. Keep trying to grasp for something here still, though.

damn ur really lying and backtracking at this point! lets just dismantle this one by one. the original anon that got u soooo heated:

notice how from the very first anon i said i would prefer if such a person just never dates woc rather than trying to overcompensate for the racism by dating us, thus harming us in the process?

then here comes ur first anon which Totally wasn't racist:

note how you've backtracked from "ive never been and never will be into poc!" to "well no its just that the people ive been attracted to just happened to be white". then u compared someone saying "only being attracted to white people is probably a sign of racism, but i don't think they should try to date us" to trying to make lesbians date the opposite sex.. as if trying to change lesbians' sexual orientation is the same as saying your preferences, yes preferences NOT sexual orientation, may be rooted in prejudices.

and in ur message here you're showing just how ignorant you are, which ofc you are!, on race to begin with because you think poc means black people and are acting like the world is Literally only black or white, or as if i said anyone needs to date black people despite me saying the exact opposite. and ofc lashing out at a woc, calling me rapey, sending me several anons intentionally misconstruing me for just saying the truth of the matter lol. anyways in the next anon i said AGAIN the exact opposite of what ur claiming:

you claim im calling ppl racist based on their dating history as well when ive outright said otherwise and said theres no point to doing such things:

and i mocked u and said ur vag responds to whites only bc thats LITERALLY what u said

i would say before concerning urself over how ur totally not racist and totally a white ally or w/e else to perhaps go into the basics because youve shown that you're entirely ignorant on racism overall from start to finish. you don't even know the term for "poc women" is woc (women of colour). you don't even know the difference between "internalised racism" and "subconsciously racist", you seemingly don't even know what internalised racism means. you don't even know what poc means because you seem to either believe it only refers to black people, or that there are only two races (black people and white people). you didn't seem to even know of the concept of implicit racism, which is a studied phenomena (feel free to go test it here). you couldn't even manage to compose yourself enough to have a proper discussion, instead you're freaking out and flailing and more or less saying i want to rape white women all bc ur offended over the mere idea that u MIGHT be racist (which honestly, your behaviour in these anons just makes me think u are.)

please remember that i did not personally go up to you and inspect who youve been with or who youve been attracted to and personally tell you that you are a racist. instead, you have come to me repeatedly to lash out at me over me merely stating that someone who says theyre only attracted to white people is probably going to be a racist, decided to argue its the same as people trying to make lesbians date men as if its an innate sexual orientation, called me rapey, and displayed your ignorance repeatedly. you could have approached this entirely differently, it could've been an actually intellectual conversation or you could've just let it go if you can't have proper conversations, but you chose this approach and to continue with it. i know you're not a white ally and you don't need to bother trying to prove it to me, because from start to finish you acted as an authority on a conversation about racism and intentionally twisted my words, misconstrued me, implied i want to force you to have sex with woc, and showed your ignorance.

take a deep breath and perhaps just drop this conversation because you clearly cannot even talk about this normally or in a constructive manner.

[ms-hells-bells]

okay so i just turned seventeen, but last year in may i was sixteen and back then i logged into this spam account i used to have that i abandoned, and i had a bunch of old msg's from my friends but i only answered one, it was from my old male best friend who i used to sorta date but the point is he asked me how i was doing, if i moved bc i hadnt been active on anything or answering anyones messages for over a year, i just said 'good' and kept my answers brief but then he said 'is there anything new with you?' and this is the part where i messed up bad, i couldnt take the pain anymore and i asked him to keep this between us, he said yes, and i told him 1. i got raped 2. there was a vid sent to me 3. i am 2m pregnant because i felt sick about telling my family, he was the first person i told just to try to make myself feel better and he said "Thank you for telling me" and left it at that

this is seriously fucking haunting me, sorry if im dramatic but looking back i think he definitely told his friends, he was uncomfortable, or didnt care and whenever i sleep at night i get reminded of it and i just feel so awful inside, i dont know how to make myself feel better and i couldnt take the embarrassment of messaging him on that exact account so i used another one of my spams and told him happy birthday a few months ago, he said thank you hes thinking of me blahblah but (not that its a big deal) he didnt even tell me happy birthday and i feel like he doesnt care about me or the times we had, i thought maybe he didnt know what to say (bc wtf is thank you for telling me???? or let know know if that was a normal reply and these paragraphs are not a big deal) but then i had to remind myself that okay, he's twenty and he was probably uncomfortable especially because we hadnt talked in 1year+. of course i apologized bc it was kinda trauma dumping on him but im so embarrassed how do i overcome it, should i delete the messages??? i think that could help but im also too embarassed to reread them i feel like i should kms the humiliation is unreal

i thought time would fix it but its been 9 months. time did not help me. if you dont have a solution ty anyways and im probably going to delete the msgs once i can bring myself to log in

first of all, i'm so sorry that that happened to you, that's awful.

i think you really need therapy, you've gone through a terrible thing, and you feel extremely alone and terrified of being judged. he responded the only way he could to hearing something like that, i think 'thank you for telling me' means 'thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this' as it can be so hard to tell that to someone. a lot of people also don't like saying 'sorry' because it comes off as disingenuous, so i think 'thank you for telling me' is the best response he could have given in that situation, especially as an older male talking to you (16 vs 20).

i think that, though it'll be hard, you need to stop thinking about it. you confided in someone you had trust with, he responded in a supportive way, and you haven't brought it up afterwards, meaning there's very little chance that he felt 'trauma dumped' on or extremely uncomfortable (of course, it'd be uncomfortable to hear that, but that's a natural reaction out of empathy). you told him, that's it, it's best to move on. it's so hard to with anxiety, where you overthink everything that you do and say, and others' reactions, but i found that the best thing to do is just take things like this at face value. he provided the appropriate support an acquaintance would, you got it off your chest to someone, and you both proceed with the best path forward; he continues chatting with you casually when it comes up, given you're living different and physically separated lives, and you continue the process of healing from your trauma.

tldr: you did nothing wrong, you were vulnerable and needed someone to talk to. he responded a bit awkwardly, but in good faith, and is continuing to talk to you in the appropriate amount for a somewhat out of contact old friend. nothing to regret, it's just a matter of finding a proper outlet for you via therapy and support from people who are physically present and closer (personally) to you in order to healthily cope with your trauma.

i hope any of this helps.

[solardick]

There’r only letters in the Russian alphabet.

ЙЦУКЕНГШЩЗХФЫВАПРОЛДЖЭЯЧСМИТЬБЮ

Hey, look at that. Its Г and Γ. See the difference? Everyone likes a little r n r. There’s no discernable difference if both weren’t viewed at the same time.

YKEHWXI BAPOCMT

7 and 7

Curious about what has been called Proto-germanic. A called language of origin. Yet lacks a written alphabet. Rumour about the Wws decimating germanic variants. The destruction of language. A chaos of dialects. Ruling clans. Several dialects were eradicated. What is called standard german has been increasing while the other decrease. Generational uniforming.

ABEKMHO-PCTYXWI

Ok,so we have to cheat a bit. Big deal. Ы, it is a double letter.

Letters that have no previous significance. Unless one were to compare my chosen strength card. Of a man bearing the weight of civilization. Either lifting it up or being crushed by it. It being N. it’s fun to connect it to the letter Й. A mirrored N with pressure, pressing down. The N being two equal pressures. Though the weight of civilization will always outweigh the individual. The goal here would be to construct an appropriate image for И. Save that its already there. Taken out of the overall.

Though of course, any image given, without atleast a functional understanding of its culture, would remain biased to a high degree. The symbols remain liberal American.

Uhm, the feminist movement, cheating women out of their bad karma.

Proctitis? Uh. What you get for using dirty tp. Probably a result from all the gay shit they put me through.

The weather is only about 25-30° off. Form +15 to -15 in the same 24 hours. It’s black mantis’s fault. Tv said so. Which wouldnt have taken a couple years to release. On the personal note its the result of all the fuck things my environment has been doing to me peaking with being raped. Tish tish. They’re so evil. Its destoying the planet. Simce im synchronized with weather phenomenon. It’s DOOM! Fight it! While im being raped half the country is burning down.

I wouldn’t say i believe in gods. But, i may believe that if enoigh people or viewing, experiemcing the same thing at the time. Then it can reverberate outwards in a collective power. Literally shaping reality. I dont know. Its not like i’m ever going to be taught on it. Or am ever going to find the roots of all language sharing similarities. And the magic behind a language. How and why it was formed in the way it was. Even though Russian is of another language base. Slavic compared to gemanic. They all share what in common. And they can all be added together like a puzzle. In the bible it says. All come from the same language. But, im not sure that extends to the asians. But there may in fact be a common denominator.

And if people and nature are the same. Twisted nowadays. Being born as far back as the sixties hippy movement. And the chemical drug wave. While “landing the moon” aka. Breaking down all “conservative fashion”. To indulgences, passive attentions and feminine power over the masculine. Bred by disorder.

And they still going on the whole gay shit. Im getting fucken annoyed. Always talking about dicks and sucking each other off. Or complaining or botching about someone behind their backs. If i was allowed to have another job somewhere else. O wouldnt stay there any longer. Like black Nates role. Man, i just want to yell and tell everyone off. Nic is my favourite co-worker. Cause he knows he knows what’s like. Its crippling.

And they obviously don’t get me. They like most people have this superior sense of themselves that gets put into humour. And it seems especially the case when it comes to masculine sexuality. Its not existant really to my experience for the feminine. There’s no demeaning. People think its funny. And i get it. I feel it too. Its unnerving to be in that presence.

Theres a meditation technique that requires you to repeat a mantra one hundred and eight times. The crime behind anger and sexual derogatory marks. Is attaching initiative to drive. Bias of others when it comes to language. Read in their own voice. Not in the voice of the author. It’s a disease that causes harm. If one can manage to speak multiple perspectives simultaneously then, which perspective is being read? Through the written word, one may conger a power. A godly conscience comes in and speaks messages to the one writting. But this requires active use of a consciousless state. To over hype it a bit. Its like a artists work. Did the artist paint that. Or did the painting draw the artist? Its not too far off from divination. Except its someone’s else voice one is listening to. When it comes from prefabricated sources. One gives up their own for someone elses.

Anyway current dialogue speaks of sucking someone off and leaving for another job. Timeline is suppose to end sometime next year. Perhaps during its start. When theres mpst likely, according to wxperience. Being shipped off to somewhere else. For someone else turn. On an don it goes 39 years and counting.

And to go see a proctologist about this illness in my ass. Its corrupt and disease ridden cocks they’re waving around liek a bunch of perverted rapist scum. Whatever you stupid fucks. Keep torturing a 6 year old. Ive been over that for over 25 years now. Piss off losers. Yeah, i am dumb, so what? Not like i had any healthy development. Inlike youbfuckers. When your a sex addict long before puberty. Then it hits. Quit. Instability, puberty, violence, drugs and rock and roll. Not a single healthy experience flushes through to tangibility. An dwhere everyone in your environment fucks with you year after year. Going on decades. And to look back and seeing the same all the way back to the first experience. Whats there to do. This is hell. I was born in hell. I aint going anywhere. Torture me into suicide. If iy makes you feel good. And ill continue going around makign peoples lives better then they where before i showed up. Always finish with a positive. Or lose oneself.

Honestly. The German language is ugly. It sounds awful.

And if one goes back to Й connect it to strength and to letter Y for that is the same letter for english. The so called consonant/vowel letter. The card for judgement. This of course is a farcry away from god. By may easily replace him for the lack of information.

Another commonilaity. Russian shares with germanic is the number 21. 21 consonants. Consonant is not a farcry from constant which isnt a farcry from trump. Or victory. Its the collective passing judgement and forcing itself upon its victim. Reason doesnt matter here. One may easily abuse and breaksomeone down inyo being that victim. Italian, english, french, german, russian, they all have the number 21.

The perfect triangle scheme requires 55 cards.

On saving grace. The scissor lift course had is looking at a mans testicles ripped open as a cause for not wearing a safety harness correctly. Which was before the cocksucking jokes. I mean i always used that term for fuckers that harm you. Or who take pleasure in despair. Or put themselves over you. Ive never used it sexual derogatory. Unless one did it for money. Then yeah. Guilty. Not really a derogatory then is it?

My family on the other hand. The times ive watched a brother fag bash people… ok. Shut up now. Put him through my treatment. And he’d be hoping gay bars left and right. Fucken homo. With body image issues. Fuck you. My chest is too hairy and my legs are too skinny. Call me a fag. You said your girlfriemd pussy was getting loose. So she cheated on you. No shit. Dumbass. Go het mad and drive drunk and put more peopel lives at risk.

Anyway. Its just been proven that tarot has some Russian roots.

[againstpollution]

like most of the world i’m not american and don’t give a shit about basketball so ive never heard of kobe bryant before today. but i learned it’s okay he was a rapist because he was also reeeeaally good at throwing a ball into a net! and it’s very insensitive to remind people he raped a woman because he just died, can’t you wait a bit before you tell people this man was in fact a rapist???

[gibbearish]

oh im literally so fucking stupid

[manie-sans-delire-x]

there are men dealing with men's issues. the problem is that radfem organizations have gathered power and influence and in many areas will actively lobby to prevent resources being given to orgs that help men. there's many cases of attempts to open shelters for men being shut down by lobby from feminist orgs. there's the fact that it is impossible to have a broad movement of "men's rights" specifically because it will be discredited and nipped in the bud by certain feminist interest groups. yes, sure 'MRA's are in big part responsible for this too. but like, outside of completely backwards and assinine 'versions' of feminism such as radical feminism, there's is a conscience that on a political and social level, equality of genders cannot be achieved if women's needs are held in higher regard than men's or if men do not have proper resources to help themselves. this is the part where modern intersectional feminist movements advocate for deep structural changes (dismantling the patriarchy) in order for *everyone* to have resources necessary for their well being. society as it is doesn't care about men's well being or actual self determination. when it comes to mental health for instance, men have significantly fewer resources than women do. this is why more and more men participate in feminist movements. in the long run, feminist ideology and politics have a better chance of advancing the cause of equality and just general improvement of life quality for everyone, then creating a specifically "men oriented" movement. actual conscious feminism is rooted in class consciousness, anti-capitalism and anti-colonialism, and these things affect men as well women, although in different ways. this is why there's a place for men in feminism, and why feminism is also concerned with men's issues. these two things are interconnected and do not exist in a vacuum. you seem like a smart person, you should really stop listening to radfems. there's plenty of other "types" of feminism or feminist schools of thought that are much more anchored in reality. not to mention that the Venn diagram of radfems and fascists is practically a circle. the whole bio essentialism thing, considering males as inherently abusive and automatically usurpatory vs. women is the same trick as labeling any group of people as "inherently dangerous and incapable of change and therefore They Are The Enemy". not to mention how fucking hopeless that is. what's the point in all of this if people are just "born this way"? that means theres no possible future where things can be better. radfem mentality is counterproductive at best, toxic and dangerous at worst. what kind of 'feminists' get female s.workers incarcerated to "save them"?? what kind of 'feminist thinker' teaches women that any penetrative sex is rape??? stop listening to batshit insane people...

Woah, when did I even mention radical feminism? I am capable of my own thoughts you know, why are you assuming I'm being influenced by extremists? None of my beliefs about sex equality are extremist, they're very basic feminist concepts. I definitely don't think incarcerating sex workers is saving them or any penetrative sex is rape. Definitely dont think all men are evil or whatever either. I've never said that and I would never believe such ridiculous things. So no, I'm not "listening to batshit insane people" at all actually. So wtf are you talking about with that?

Are they shutting down shelters for men, or simply saying that men should not be allowed into women's shelters? Because thats very different. The first is fucked up, men deserve equal help. The second is very reasonable and I back that.

Also I would be careful about the use of the phrase "mens rights" because men are not lacking rights. Nowhere in the world is there a law that denies rights to men for being male. I know I used it too lol, but that was because men like the ones I spoke about love using that phrase. But theres a huge difference between societal issues mainly affecting a certain sex vs that sex being denied rights. There are societal issues which affect mainly men, absolutely, and resources for men are indeed lacking compared to womans. Not because of malice towards men but because women are the vast majority of victims of domestic violence, trafficking, single parents, etc. They genuinely need it more. And thats not like a "win for feminism, fuck men lol" thing, thats actually the whole problem to begin with isnt it? -that women are disproportionately being victimized, in almost every category of crime. 

“This is why more and more men participate in feminist movements” Are they? Because all I ever see are men hating on feminism, saying there is no longer a need for it, and denying the extremely extensive damage that men as a whole have been committing upon women as a whole for thousands of years. I would hope this is true though.

"In the long run, feminist ideology and politics have a better chance of advancing the cause of equality and just general improvement of life quality for everyone, then creating a specifically "men oriented" movement. ... This is why there's a place for men in feminism, and why feminism is also concerned with men's issues. These two things are interconnected and do not exist in a vacuum."

I absolutely agree that issues are interconnected and complex, and I agree that men should care about womens issues and women should care about mens issues. I think you misunderstood my post. My post was complaining about men who dont care about sex equality issues- for men or women- until it negatively affects men/a man, and then they use that to complain about feminism or somehow discredit womens rights movements. 

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Life After Snowpiercer: Curtis Everett Series, One Shots and Drabbles

Moodboard made by the AWESOME @imanuglywombat​. Thank you so much for this! 

A/N- This was my first series and its full of mistakes. Many mistakes. Including descriptions of the reader being white. I need to go through and edit this. And I will be doing that when I have time, its a big project and will need some dedicated time to go through with that. Thank you to those that choose to read it, I do appreciate it. 

Almost Time-  (1) 3k Curtis Everett x Y/N. Days before Revolt, Smut, NSFW.

Breakdown- (2) 5k Curtis Everett x Y/N. Final Day before Revolt, Smut NSFW

Survival- (3) 3.7k Curtis Everett x Y/N. You and Curtis disagree, He leads the mob, you must survive. Dark Subject matter, listed in warning on story.

Still Alive- (4) 3k approx. Curtis Everett (hints of You) Curtis makes his way to the end, and there's a surprise waiting for him. Violence. Note- If you want to know the story Curtis told Nam, Read Past Horrors found below.

End of the Line- (5) 5.8k approx. Curtis Everett x Y/N. Curtis finds out Matt is still alive, had to make a decision to Wilford's proposal. You are dealing with your attackers.  Warnings- Non con implied, mild.

Whos Left?- (6) 5.3k approx. Curtis Everett x Y/N. Curtis with Yona and Timmy make their way towards the tail end, finding an unexpected survivor. You are stuck in a situation not easily able to escape. Violence.

One Problem At A Time- (7) 5.3k approx. Curtis Everett x Y/N. You and Curtis reunite and work on bringing the people in the valley back up to the others. Tension between you and Curtis. Violence.  

Tell Me Please?- (8) 4.9k. Curtis Everett x Y/N. Still tension between you two, Curtis insists on finding out what happened. Finally back to the front with a confrontation coming. Trauma. Violence

Finally Free- (9) 6.2k. Curtis Everett x Y/N. Matt is finally contained and you have a moment. Curtis starts stepping into a leadership role with the help of Edgar.

First Order of Business- (10) 6.6k Curtis Everett x Y/N. Dealing with the captured Front Enders and you take up working with the Doctor, discussing your predicament. 

Adjusting to The Everyday Life- (11) 5.4k Curtis Everett x Y/N. The new way of life is becoming routine, and your starting to adjust. Curtis does his best to help you along. Warnings- swearing, hints of smut, talk of pregnancy.

To Good To Be True- (12) 6.2k Curtis Everett x Y/N. You are ready to be intimate with Curtis again after the assault. Edgar is told something from the past that shocks him, makes his world come crashing down. Warnings- Sex, mentions of assault, talks of cannibalistic survival, violence. NSFW. 

Dragging Up The Past- (13) Curtis x You. Matt’s escaped and Curtis goes with a team to search for them. You figure you could talk to Edgar, maybe make him understand the circumstances of the past. Warnings- mentions of cannibalism, Smut, violence, swearing, all that good stuff.

Just Get Back Home- (14) 5.9k Curtis x You. Cutis and the group go to retrieve Matt and his group, with a warning from Yona to be extra cautious. Warning- Violence. 

The World Is Changing- (15) 6.5k Curtis Everett x You. This is it, the end of Wilfords reign on the Survivors lives, and time to embrace the future, whatever it may hold for the group. The Final Chapter. Warnings- Violence, mentions of rape, executions, smut, swears. 

Life on the Snowpiercer- (drabbles/one-shots)

Past Horrors- 1.4k Approx. Curtis Everett x Y/N. Curtis recalling past deeds. Warning, very dark subject for survival.

Taken (Early Years)- 3.7k Approx. Curtis Everett x Y/N. Loss of will to live after tragedy strikes, Curtis insists on keeping you alive. Angst

Stay Safe (Early Years)- 3.7k approx. Curtis Everett x Y/N. Curtis is prepping for riots with McGregor, and is told what his role is. It makes him think about his feelings for you. 

Act of Rebellion (Early Years)- 7.7k approx. Curtis Everett x Y/N. McGregor Riots end with heavy casualties, and new alliances form. Warnings- Violence, Mass Death, Smut, Loss of Virginity, Female receiving Oral. Just some smut involved. Death and Smut. There ya go. 

Curtis Everett, A Damn Tease- 5.6k Approx. Curtis Everett x Y/N. Oh just smut. The whole thing. Little bit of convo plot. But thats not what we’re really here for.

The Internet is for What?- Short Read Curtis Everett x Reader, Group Setting. Discussing what the internet was for.

Surprise- short. Curtis Everett x Y/N. You wanted to give Curtis a gift, but what? Sweet, fluffy, just warm feeling.

Its A Party- 2.8k. Curtis Everett x Y/N. Everyones bored, how to entertain? Fun, NSFW

Morning Conversations- Short Read.  Curtis Everett x Y/N. You and Curtis enjoy an early morning wake up. Smut. NSFW

Tension- 4.6k. Curtis Everett x Y/N. Curtis breaks up a dispute and it affects him. NSFW. Alternate Ending available in story.

Games- Curtis Everett x Y/N. 449 words of the floofiest floof ever. Curtis and You play with the kids.

Dont Know Why- Curtis Everett x Y/N 1k Curtis just needs a moment to spend with you.

Interrupted- 6.5k Curtis Everett x Y/N, Illness has been sweeping through the train, but it seems to be gone. Finally, you and Curtis have time together, maybe. Smut

Nightmare- 2.4k Curtis Everett x Y/N. Warnings- Non Con references. Dealing with the aftermath of Y/N trauma in Survival. Curtis mentioned in flashbacks only.

In the Dark- Short drabble. You recognize Curtis anywhere when he comes for you

Curtis Request- short drabble, you have been teasing Curtis all day, and now he pays you back for it. Smut. 

Not Leaving- Short drabble. Still plagued by nightmares of the assault, Curtis is right by your side, refusing to let you face them alone. Set Between chapters 10 and 11. 

Just This Forever Moment- 3k Curtis Everett X You. Early morning moments are to be appreciated and Curtis does just that when he wakes up to find you still asleep. NSFW. Smut. Oral. Sexual. 

To The Sound Of... Ooh Laa-  3.8k Curtis Everett x You. You find a surprise in one of the cars but is having difficult getting it to unlock. Yona insists you take it to Curtis, that he will be able to unlock its secrets. 

Curtis Loves Blankets- cute short piece about Curtis accidentally stealing the blankets from you. 

Curtis Sensory Prompt- Curtis and You are having a snowball fight with the kids

Deleted Scene- 

What You Deserve- THIS IS NOT A PART OF ABOVE STORY, I CUT IT. 5.7k Curtis Evertt and Y/N. Early Years. You sit with a dying member of the train and listen to her talk about her late husband, and the idea of Soulmates crosses your mind. Do they exist? 

Curtis thoughts- just my thoughts and possible use for fics later

[lovers-in-love-around-the-world]

kinda yandere homicidal liu x reader

Type: kinda obsessed

Triggers: murder, pills(if people asks but i do have this but it only sometimes it effects me), kinda rape kinda not, cursing maybe i dont know but i will but this here just incase i do and i didnt relized i did

Pov. you

I was walking home from a long day at the hospital. The only reason why I am walking back home is because my car for some odd reason broke down. And another bad thing about this is that it is pouring really hard. I was glad that I was at least wearing a sweatshirt. I kinda wished i wore a coat but it is summer and even in the rain it would be too hot to wear one.

I had around 5 more mins till I got home and then I could get out of my wet clothes and take a hot bath. We had a long day at the hospital because we have one patient who is around 80 years old and he would not stop getting someone to come to his room. He really wanted to take his pills. Most of the time he is never like this, but every once in a while he will get like this. I didn't get to deal with him but I had to get his pills, food, ect.

I was working with kids for most of the day. It was really fun working with them. We did group things, coloring, I had to give them their pills and get their food. I played games with some of them, the others wanted nothing to do with me today. So with the kids who wanted nothing to do with me I tried and tried to do things with them. Just trying to make it better there. But only a few of them would hang out with me today and do things. It was kinda sad that some wanted to do nothing but be alone and do things by themselves. But I let them because I didn't want them to be mad at me.

The rest of the day i had to deal with some guy who got shot so i helped them and stuff but it wasn't the funnest thing to do. The man wasn't the nicest either. But he was able to leave today the only reason i think he was aloud was because no one wanted to deal with this crap. But the man would not stop yelling and screaming at him to let him go. So we did to make him feel better.

As I was walking down the street I felt someone grab me and push me against a wall in an alleyway. I tried to get out of the person’s grip but it was too tight.“What's a cute lady walking alone at night?” I felt him say really close to my ear. I could smell alcohol coming from his breath. I shaked my head and kept trying to get him off of me but he would not budge. I then went to step on his foot but he grabbed my hair really hard and made my head hit the wall really hard to the point I felt like I was going to pass out.

Everything went dizzy and then that's when I felt him let me go. I couldn't really see that well. I felt like I was going to fall but then I felt someone catch me. I couldn't see what he looked like but I did hear him. “It's ok. I promise i won't hurt you.” he said before i passed out.

Next thing I know I woke up. I sat up where I was and then I felt a sharp pain in my head. I laid right back down and held my head. ‘To be honest everything kinda hurts.’ i thought to myself. I then looked around where I was while holding my head.

The place wasn't really big; it looked like it was a small wood cabin. I didn't see anyone. I was in a small bedroom there was a dresser, a bed, a rug, and two other doors. ‘I guess one door leads out of the room and the other leads to the bathroom’ i thought, while i stood up and walked to one of the doors.

I slowly opened the door and looked around. It looked like a normal cabinish. The living room, kitchen, and dining room were all connected together and then were three different doors. ‘One must be the outside door, closest, and then another bathroom’ I thought to myself. I then saw a window so I walked over it and moved the curtains out of the way of it.

I saw that there were a lot of trees. ‘I guess we're in a forest now.’ i thought to myself. I didn't even realize someone came in. I was in the kitchen looking out the window trying to find a path back to the road or at least away from the cabin and to a city, town, village, anything to be honest.

While I was thinking i didnt really hear what the guy was saying “blah blah, hello?” was all i heard from the guy. Before he tapped me on the shoulder and I jumped really high and turned around. I then looked at the guy. He was wearing a black and grey striped scarf, a black t-shirt, sweatpants, he also had brown hair, green eyes, and he had stitches on his face. ‘It looks like he was in a fight or something’ i thought to myself. I then shocked my head. “Where am i?” I asked softly.

“In a forest duh” the voice didn't sound as nice but more mean. I node. “Anyways, what are you doing?” he asked, his voice turning nicer. “I-i was looking for a way back” i said stepping back to have a good distance from him.

He nodes. “Sorry for scaring you” he says walking to the window. I walked a little bit away from him. “How about I take you home tomorrow? We can do it really early in the morning if you really want.” he says looking out the window and then looking at me.

I node. “The morning is fine,” I said looking at him. I was kinda shaking but i tried to hide it from him but it wasn't really working i guess. “I promise I won't hurt you,” he says. I node. “But i cant promise about him” he says looking back out the window and then closing the curtains but did not make eye contact with me or even looked at me. I looked confused. “What do you mean him?” I asked. He looked at me and sighed. “Im liu, and im sully” he says. ‘So that's why his voice changed’ I thought to myself while I nodded. “I'm y/n(your name)” I said looking at him. He nodded. “How do i tell which one you guys are?” I asked. He looked at me and rolled his eyes. “Are fucking voices idiot. Mine is a lot deeper than his” sully says smirking. I node. “But i mean like other than your voices” i said trying not to get him mad. He shrugged. “No clue to be honest” he said calmer. ‘I don't know where Sully gets the idea his voice is deeper then liu’s but they both sound the same in how deep it is but sully’s sounds more mean and liu’s sounds more soft and calming.’ i thought to myself.

“Well get you some clothes for tonight ok?” liu says. I node. He started walking back to the bedroom, I followed him. He went to the dresser. “Is a big t-shirt ok?” he asked looking at him. “Yeah, it's ok. I don't really mind what I wear, ``I said, smiling a little.

He nodes and then grabs a large black t-shirt and holds it and then looks at me. I look at him confused. “Hm?” I asked. “So you're fine with wearing whatever?” sully asked. I nodded. He chuckled. It was a really deep chuckle so I knew it was still sully. “Ok then you can wear your undergarments.” Sully says, smirking. I blushed and looked away and shaked my head. Sully chuckled again. “Sorry about him. He is normally like that, ``Liu says, frowning. I look at him. “It's ok,” I said , smiling softly. Liu looks at me and nodes and then hands me the shirt and then leaves the room.

Once he leaves I quickly take off my shirt that I had on and put the other shirt on and then take off my pants. I then walked out the room and looked for liu/sully. They were sitting on the couch. I walked over and sat on the couch beside them. They were watching TV. So I looked at the TV and watched it too. We watched whatever was on even if one of us didn't like it but if we both didn't like it then we switched it. But after thirty minutes of that. I finally fell asleep.

Pov. 3rd(real quick)

Liu went to ask if you liked the show that was on but when he saw you asleep he smiled a little to himself. He then turned off the TV and put the remote on the coffee table. He then got up and went in front of you and picked you up. He then took you to the bedroom. He opens the bedroom door and then goes inside the bedroom and then puts you down on the bed.

He then sighed. He didn't really want to take you home. You kinda made him feel happiness. Even got sully to feel it too, even if he won't admit it. But it was kinda nice to have you here with them even if they scared you.

Pov. you

***next day***

I woke up in the bedroom. I then got up and went out of the bedroom to look for liu/sully. I found them in the kitchen. I walked over to them and looked at what they were doing. They were making eggs.

Liu then looks at you and smiles. “Good morning. Would you like some eggs?” he asks. I node. I was too tired to talk. He nodes. “Dippy?” I nodded my head when he asked me that. He smiles and starts making them. I watched him make them because I had nothing else to do while I waited.

After 3 mins of making the eggs he finally put them on a plate and handed them to me. I smiled. “Thanks,” I said and went over to the table and sat down. He nodes.

***after breakfast and getting ready for the day***

I came out after I was done getting ready. I saw you at the door waiting for me. I went over to him and he opened the door. I walked out the door and looked behind me and he came out too. He locked the door after he came out and then went beside me and we both walked.

After maybe, around 20 mins we finally made it to the town. He walked me home. Once we were there I gave him a hug. “Be safe going home Liu or Sully,” I said before letting him go. He nodes. I then went inside my house and went to my room and laid on my bed.

Welp that's it. But if you want a part two of it tell me and i will get you a part two.

[themself]

final thoughts about 1984

i lied. this is final but its not about 1984, because it never was about 1984, it was never even about my post or the things i said. its about the version of me and my arguments that’s been constructed by other people, that they’ll continue to argue with.

the post has been circulated thousands of times, screenshoted to twitter to have hundreds of people dunk on me and call me stupid, say i don’t know how to read, etc. i got hate messages telling me to commit suicide and to detransition. it was funny at first. but i’m tired. i never wanna read the year 1984 again. ive started to doubt myself and wonder if there was a secret truth that all of these people had tapped into that i somehow missed and nobody has ever been explain to me, that nobody else has ever written about in all of the writing ive found on the book and everybody gets but me

first, i twote what i twote

i said what i said. could i have worded it better? YES. but i was making a kneejerk reaction to a poorly written post, that was worded in and simple way so i phrased it poorly.

i do think that reading about rape in a classroom is inappropriate and potentially traumatic to readers, i think that experiencing violent misogyny without a discussion is harmful. i dont actually care what orwells intentions were because i dont know them and neither do you. hes dead. his words still hurt people and thats not okay to expose people to without a discussion about it.

i also think that media analysis can be taught with any work. you can perform media analysis on the goddamn mcu and find something worthwhile there. i fundamentally think teachers meeting students where they’re at, validating their interests and teaching the same strategies learned for classics! despite reading lots of classic literature, i never learned how to perform actual proper media analysis until i was in college! my reads of classics were often dismissed by teachers, i was forced to memorize their analyses instead of being able to think critically about works on my own! meet students where they’re at! encourage passion! use it to help teach new techniques and help them engage in and love material!

you don't know me

you know, in the tons and tons of messages and random ass people coming into my DMs demanding a debate, i realized something. they’re not arguing with me. they’re arguing with the version of me that exists in their head. i remember in particular somebody came at me and said “why do you think there’s no merit in 1984 because of some bad things” and i replied that i never said that. they said my message wasn’t clear enough so of course everybody would assume that.

i wrote a two second response girl! i wasn’t trying to create an essay for people to respond against. but who i am doesn’t matter. it never really did. people have constructed me to be the type of person who exemplifies fandom and cancel culture or whatever coming for classic novels, who thinks that anything new and shiny with fandom is better, and that i don’t know how to read and think anything problematic or with hard topics is canceled and not worth any merit.

the truth is i haven’t read a fanfiction since i was 12 or engaged with a fandom since i was 17. my two favorite works of fiction are boogiepop and we know the devil, both of which deal with really heavy topics, have main characters who make bad sloppy choices and hurt people. neither of these works have big fandoms. i think fandom has merit, and i am interested in people who perform literary analysis on popular nerd culture texts. that’s not me, but i support peoples’ right to do that. but i like indie art! most of the media i consume is experimental indie videogames, and a lot of lgbtq independent projects.

again though, who i am doesn’t matter, because nobody here was ever arguing with me, they were arguing with an idea of me based on two sentences, a being constructed from those terms with other peoples assumptions plastered on. i’ve just become somebody to put that being on. that’s kind of how everybody talks to each other online, and i’ve come to recognize that now. hell, i’ve been the perpetrator of that stuff towards other people online too! thats why i don’t hang out online anymore, why i don’t read arguments anymore, and why i am trying not to let the nasty stuff people say to me bother me because it was never about me

can y’all leave me alone now?

even if 1984 was worth all this discussion,  i want to be able to turn anonymous messaging on again, i want to be able to have my DMs open without it being an invitation for people to accuse me of not knowing how to read. go bother somebody else with your time. you have the time to write to some random ass bitch over 1984? write letters to prisoners to help alleviate the trauma of the carceral system! go harass nazis on twitter if you want somebody to be mean to! instead of telling me to detransition, go cry about 14 year olds sending u anime jpegs or whatever the hell terfs do! i promise y’all it is NOT deep enough for you guys to be hounding me the way you do. your time is valuable! dont spend it bothering random bitches on tumblr!

if youre gonna bother me over some typo on this post consider that i don’t actually give a shit and you could be spendin the time having sex instead or doing something else that makes you happy. i’m not reading this post again and i’m not talking about this topic again. deuces

[transsexualhamlet]

okayokayokay i have like. Q U E S T I O N S because i have *wanted* to read no longer human but have been afraid to SO -

1) what's it like? what do u think of it? im sooo curious 👀

2) do u think that asagiri-sensei based bsd dazai sorta off the book more than off the actual authour? i seem to remember reading that once but i dont remember if it was speculation or not

3) .......just infodump as much as you want, really; im Curious™️ and it looks like ur having fun with the book XD

p.s. - have fun with crime and punishment; thats a book ive DEFINITELY been meaning to read (but i havent had time to yet djfjdjfjf)

AHHHHHHH HI TYSM I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK. I read the entire book in 2 hours before going to bed like four days ago, though it probably wasn't the best time to do it, that shit is nightmare fuel

I'm just gonna preface this with I know basically nothing about the actual author other than what's in the book, also I read the manga version (the junji ito one, yeah) so yeah I'm not sure how much that differs from the original text.

So for how much he based it off of the book vs the actual author, I couldn't really tell you- no longer human is somewhat of an autobiography, so I'd say that those work together. (it's complicated, bc the main character of no longer human is not actually dazai, but dazai is there, and they like??? basically say that that character and dazai are like actually the same person???? and they like, switch places at the end?? its really confusing, but basically, I'm treating the mc of no longer human as dazai himself.) The important stuff about the author that I know of worked into dazai's character is all in no longer human too so,,, yeah. I think saying that it's based more off of that book is probably true, though I don't know what asagiri was thinking.

But about the book itself- Yeah uhhhhhh seriously, I don't really recommend reading no longer human if you have much of a sensitivity to basically anything, especially the graphic novel version because when i say graphic novel i mean Graphic there is so much nudity, sex, s/a, addiction, violence, Mental Illness of all types, religious trauma, obviously suicide, and frankly just visually horrifying stuff

So everything under this is gonna be under a cut just cause Uh Yeah It's A Lot and i do not want to subject everybody to it

But reading it was certainly something I am glad I did, because it did teach me a lot about dazai and how he was created, as well as confirming a lot of theories I had about him that can't be confirmed or denied in bsd canon.

Like me and my friend were just like examining his character and kind of coming up with ideas about him- like we both agreed that he had Motherless Energy TM and that his dad had to have been an absolute fucking piece of shit. Also, we thought that he definitely had to have had A Lot of csa trauma and probably issues having to do with his neurodivergency when he was a child.

Literally all of that ended up being true within the canon of no longer human, so I was kind of impressed that we were so right?? It makes me feel better for thinking a lot of those things, especially since they're just Pretty Fucked Up.

But yeah its. No wonder he turned out that way when he was So Autistic and Masking So Much And So Badly and with absolutely no guidance as how to deal with his neurodivergency other than just fucking let anything anyone wanted happen sooooo he got raped, as a kid, like. A lot. A LOT. And basically ended up thinking that because of this all humans were just horrifying awful monsters and yeahhhhh things pretty much went downhill from there

I don't have a ton of time so you can send me more asks about it lol this is just barely scratching the surface this thing is pretty intense

A lot of other things that I think I can apply to bsd dazai as well, tho they're not gone into that much in the canon:

-This dude is like always fucking drunk or high, cause he just cannot stand being sober that much. He's a serious alcoholic and actually addicted to opioids and I cannot think that much differently about dazai. He's got issues.

but there are a lot of differences between Dazai and the no longer human mc, though there are enough similarities that this is definitely the dude he was based off of.

The main difference is that the no longer human mc is actually just a good guy. He's made a shit ton of stupid fucking mistakes, but he's trying to be a good man and he feels awful for the things he's done, which, I really cannot say Dazai has. Dazai is not a good man, I think everyone knows that. He doesn't really care that much lol

-both of them are like. Weirdly popular with women. Which is hilarious but like, with Dazai he doesn't really take it seriously, and he actually flirts with women. The no longer human guy like. He doesn't hes just like Tragically Attractive and women want to be with him and he has no clue how to say no so he just ends up being a whore bc hes socially useless. It causes a lot of problems bc hes like constantly cheating because of this lol.

-Dazai has a much more poetic view of it all? The no longer human guy is just fucking suffering and hes like why is this happening to me im so awful and i bring misfortune to everyone around me and its not fair and he wants to die and everything but it's not at all in the same way that Dazai does. Dazai acts more like an author than him, in the sense of his "I want a death that is narriatively satisfactory and I want to know the meaning of living by seeing the worst of it and observing how it is to be a human" yeah that's not the same at all. No longer human man really just doesn't understand them and is just. Not having fun

-Also, it's really the thing about Dazai having such an utter lack of religion compared to his original counterpart. Like, the main thing that kept this dude alive for so long was the fact that he had so much religious trauma and was constantly guilty and worried he would go to hell and basically scared of everything. Bsd dazai is like, nearly the opposite, he's the kind of dude who was born and raised atheist, and in the kind of way that he's trying to basically come up with his own meaning of life and religion to follow, whereas the original is struggling to live with one that's been perscribed to him. Both are Very Neurodivergent but it was, handled differently

And yeah i really do have to keep this short, you can totally ask me more and I have a lot more to say but one thing I want to bring attention to is the fact of something they do have in common- their masking. It's a big part of no longer human, about how the mc doesn't understand social customs and what is acceptable or how to talk to people or seriously be happy, so he basically comes up with this "clowning" which is basically, make a fool of himself on purpose all the time so people will never take him seriously or think he's good or smart. That's something dazai completely does, wholeheartedly, and something that fucks him up bad in no longer human. And I think that could be examined a lot more deeply, this dude has issues and so many of them are related to autism. God, I have so many thoughts but aghhhhhhhhhhhhh i hope u enjoy

[aprito]

hello <3 since i got these asks at the same time i decided to combine my thoughts on them in this post. yet another annoying sjw essay from yours truly on this blog 

before i get into these i think i need to preface why im like. i guess overly hyperfocused on a certain unproblematic base (same age au / platonic canon) for them and avoid the ped0philic content like the plague lol

tw for pedophilia ment, rape ment if that makes you squicky. ALSO THIS IS LONG AND RAMBLY

as i’ve mentioned a couple times already, ive been into the ship since i was 12, back when it was very very common to not only post untagged (nsfw) canonverse content of the two in writing and in drawing but also non con and the like, so you can imagine how bad my first impression online was. thinking back on it ...as a child i found it disturbing but didnt really register how problematic it really was?? (i know, but i also lived in the middle of nowhere and had no one explain this to me) 

skip to 2014 aka me coming back to naruto at 17ish and i had kinda become hyper aware of the fact that there was an increasing amount of people online who had come forward with explaining how fictional problematic content, mostly pedophilia, had been used to groom them into starting relationships with adullts. it was also a time where a lot of people didnt believe these victims, not registering how common it was for minors to be online friends with adults who had no boundaries and no qualms exposing them such content. not gonna get into my personal life here but i was lucky to not having gone through this myself. like... it kinda was my first time truly realising how fiction can EASILY be used to manipulate others irl (and yes i will not argue this, if you dont think fictional media can form and manipulate people’s opinions on attitudes, countries, cultures and virtues, pick up a book about the effects of propaganda media at least once please) 

i, being young, still liking the dynamic but not really the romance, would point this out here and there in the fandom and get into fights with grown adults in their mid 20s who assumed i automatically hated the ship(s) and tried to restrict their freedom of speech or whatever, heard everything from the “age of consent doesnt exist in naruto” to the “sasori looks like a child what does it matter” despite people clearly playing on him being older and experienced. it made me so upset that people were just consuming all this content uncritically and exposing children to it tbh?? not really just sos but a lot of minor/adult ships in naruto in general. and thats where i sat down and thought, i do not want to be a grown adult talking down to children that point out how unsafe the fandom is. theyre absolutely right in drawing these boundaries and calling out adults who defend the uncritical consumption and creation of this content. i do not want to consume or create content that predators could use to groom minors, and i absolutely do want to let younger people in fandom know that i am respecting their comfort zones and want them to have a safe and fun experience. after all, naruto is not an adult show and i think a lot of people forget that!!!! i am not perfect in that regard but its something that i, at the age of 23, am very passionate about and strive towards to.

and i guess thats where same age au was born for me and i have been sticking to it ever since. 

so finally we can move to the first question 

aside from the fact that we both dont like canon sos, i dont think it would work out even if i wasnt prejudiced to it anyways. in all honesty, 35 year old canon sasori is not a redeemable character to me, given the fact that he’s easily amongst the cruelest villains in naruto (torturing and killing and taxiderming people for his own fun personal gain, never for a goal that served anyone but himself. how do you redeem having over 300 corpses in your backpack that you felt absolutely no remorse for killing). sasori was legit one of the only cruel villains that didnt had someone else pull the strings, which sends a clear message on kishi’s part, who absolutely loves to redeem villains LOL.

being that old, he obviously had already been very manifested in what he believed in, even if it was shakey, to the point where the first crack in that world view (sakura and chiyo protecting each other) immediately had him give up on his life all together. that, in my opinion, is not a man who’s going to know what healthy relationships would look like, regardless of it being romantic or not. 35 year old sasori to me has the same appeal as an expired can of tuna and he’s probably very happy 6 feet under. he’s supposed to be a failed gaara in that sense that he had no one to look out for him and therefore was never going to experience anything but a bad ending in life. its fine that hes dead honestly, it wraps up his short character development the best IMO.

adding to that, seriously, sakura was obviously interested in knowing why he was that way, and called him out for being seriously fucked in the head, but it’s weird to me that people assume she had any interest in actively rehabilitating him, let alone starting a serious romantic relationship with him. sakura who’s not only very, uhm, immature and straight forward when it comes to her romantic viewpoints also, as a big bootlicker, wouldnt soil her standing in the village by starting anything with a disgraced and far too gone criminal like sasori. shipping that version of sasori with sakura intimately is still going to set her up for a huge power imbalance that would be difficult to handle imo, even if she was the one in the fight ultimately exerting her power over him. i would still look at it and think damn she deserves better than having to play therapist for man like that lol.

additionally, even if you ignored all of this, you cant really ignore that sasori had already known her as a child, and that had been his first and most impactful impression of her. i dont think that sasori would look at 35 year old sakura and see her as a grown woman and not the little green girl she was in the fight. plus, you easily fall into predatory comparison territory between the “childish” and “womanly” and i have seen way too often in fic just being boiled down to her now being fuckable. a lot of of ships do this and i would just like to remind yall thats it not normal for adults to want to start relationships with children they have seen grown up or known as a child when they themselves were fully grown adults. therefore, maybe if sakura hadnt met sasori before it would be less of a problem? but that also obviously defeats the point of the dynamic and the reason he died in the first place. so yeah, it sounds kind of doomed especially if you were to make it romantic. 

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND QUESTION

let me preface this that im not fundamentally against age gaps, even if im not super interested in it. after all, colorblind had a 5 yr age gap (with sakura being 21), even if, say, i wrote similar fics today i probably would make it smaller lol. i think it can be handled well if both parties have enough life experience to deal with it, and the author is cautious of where the age gap starts, i think a 10+ year age gap would be fine in a scenario where the younger party (i guess sakura) was at least 25-27ish, meaning she has completed most of her most formative life stages and probably had been in relationships before, meaning she would be able to handle it without having to fear a huge power imbalance. the older the younger party is the less the age gap is going to matter tbh .TsukiHoshino and AngelOfDeath10 both handle age gaps in their fics really well imo, so i do not mind reading about them.

unfortunately, a lot of people in this fandom think making sakura barely "”””legal””””” (18, not even 20 which is hilarious to me because the source material is obviously japanese) because they both cannot stand her being past her “prime years” of being young fertile and fuckable to much older men as well as thinking a 20 year old is automatically old enough to handle that type of relationship. ive seen a lot of unironic takes that believe it will absolve them of callout posts if they throw around age of consent and “shes 18 now suckers!!!” enough lmfao. absolutely hilarious. aging a minor up without aging the adult down seriously reeks of predatory “cant wait until youre 18″ narratives and thats why i find it similarly disturbing as straight up pedo shipping.

ultimately, sasosaku is and will always be a inherently problematic ship in canon, which is why i think it should always be handled a little more responsibly in fandom spaces, ignoring or outright excusing the main problem factor, which is sasori, isnt going to convince anyone that the dynamic in itself is well written and interesting enough to explore in aus, like giving sasori the redemption most of us wanted him to have by aging him down to a point in time where he was still realistically going to allow being positively influenced, similar to gaara. 

so really, what i think is well handled age gap and how most people handle age gap in the naruto fandom are two different worlds at times lol 

tl;dr

canon shippers have never been anything but gross when i was younger and i didnt wanna be like that, even if youre “smart”enough to differenate, actual creeps dont really care and might use your content to blur the lines, sasori isnt rly redeemable so romantic canonverse realistically wouldnt make much sense and is still iffy, age gaps are fine if they are handled well, but given that the dynamic doesnt really need the age gap to still work im not that invested on making that an essential part of my shipping experience.  

thank you for reading and hope this makes sense!

[fipindustries]

advice for my younger self

listening to that playlist i shared earlier today really got me in the mindframe of me back in my first years of college when i was barely starting to learn what it was to be an adult. and thinking about that i thought of some thing i would ike to say to that person, some bits of basic wisdom that without getting too specific or too monumental would have made a big difference. things that i know i wouldnt have figured out on my own until it was too late.

 this is not about specific mistakes i made but more general attitudes that i should have carried with me back then. most of this is going to be very particular and make sense only to me but if you are interested keep reading.

1) you dont have to complete your carrer in five years, you can take six or seven or ten years to do it, your parents would have assisted you all the same

1.a) as for studying, for christ sake dont just read the textbooks, if you are giving a big test and specifically if its a big oral lesson, write it down before hand, prepare a speech, write a monologue, practisce it, memorize it. prepare specifically what you are going to say when you are in front of the teachers, dont try to just “learn” it and hope that you’ll be able to recall it during the test

1.b) you dont have to take every single course in the semester, you can pick two or three you are really interested in, let the others by the wayside, pick them up later, use the free time to really study properly or get a simple part time job if you can, i know its sounds scary and like its a lot of responsability and like it diverges wildly from the plan you have for your life but trust me, its a lot easier than it sounds

2) dont be afraid of mental illness. is not as scary as it looks form the outside in. you are not gonna go insane, you are not going to get lost in a false world of delusion where you can never know what is real and what isnt. reality asserts itself, things calm down, it goes away. you get through it and you realize is not that bad from the other side. mental illness is a lot more common than you think, a lot more widespread than you think and a lot more manageable that you think. is not the end of the world and is not the end of your world either.

2.a) dont be afraid of the therapist, you will actually enjoy it a lot. it doesnt mean there is something terribly wrong or broken with you. its not shameful. they are smart and trained and they are glad to hear you talk. they are not going to force you into anything you dont want, they are not going to turn you into someone else, they are not going to send you to a mad house. their primary goal is that you be comfortable and at peace with yourself. go to a therapist.

3) keep your eyes open for any boardgame clubs. ask around, i know for a fact there is at least one in every city you’ve lived, maybe not yet at the time of you reading this but there will be. if you find them, join. they are the best thing that has ever happened to you.

4) if you happen to have sexual partners (and im not saying you definetly will) make sure they have a good time. ask what they want and do it for them. make sure they cum, seriously. stay with them. spend time together. cuddle in bed. they are having sex with you so the least you can do is have sex with them as well.

4.a) and by that same token, if you are in a relationship dont doubt to ask for sex too! be open about that, be forthcomming, but do be respectful. and if they say no or that they dont like to do that you should probably end the relationship, you are not going to be happy with them.

4.b) dont be afraid to try on womens clothes, you have my blessing, explore your femmenine side, try on make up. try on the fake boobies. do silly frilly pinky femmenine stuff. i know it’s just a weird fetish for you but if you have a partner be open with them about this and if they are supportive or want to help you explore this take full advantage. and dont worry, its not some dirty disgusting terrible secret that must be hidden from everyone. your friends and family are going to be ok with it if it ever comes out but dont feel is some dark secret that you must confess either, its your bussiness and for you to figure out at your own pace (also, hey, weird tip, i know it will sound absolutely nonesensical to you but did you know there are a lot of trans women who are trans without expiriencing dysphoria, just a fun fact i wanted to share with you :) )

5) dont be afraid of SJWs, they are not going to take away your games, they are not going to ruin cartoons or art or books or movies. masterpieces will still come out, well written, well drawn, well programmed and well animated masterpieces that you will love. you will be amazed at how easy is to ignore those people and how irrelevant they actually are once you stop following them on tumblr and once you stop going to twitter. 

5.a) if you think politics is stupid or cancerous now, wait until 2016, ok?

5.b) learn to apologize and own up to your mistakes. if a friend or an acquaintance is telling you that you are being an asshole online dont get defensive, just drop it and move on. dont make a huge deal out of it and dont engage in long protracted discussions online. just dont, you will embitter yourself, this is particularly salient because to this day you are having problems with this one, though not as frequently as you used to.

6) this one is more superficial i think because overall you did well on your own without advice from the future but... trust in your art. you will will amaze yourself with the things you will create. you ARE going to get a LOT better at what you do and you will learn a lot of things you never thought you would be able to master. you are going to become an amazing artist (that doesnt necesarily mean a financially succesful one or  a widely known one but you will be good at it and, trust me, that is what matters)

7) i know you’ve heard this one a million times but this one is cheating because i am from the future and i know this for a fact, you will be ok. things will work out, you will, time and again, find the way to fall on your feet, your family and friends will be there to catch you. you have a safety net, you are very lucky in that regard, dont take it for granted but it is there. you are not gonna end up homeless in the streets or raped in a dark alley or expelled on in prison or in a mental hospital, so relax and stop being so scared. you have ten very weird years ahead of you so good luck with that.

ps: you are going to meet a girl named zoe, she’s great, she’s the best. dont go live to hear apartment if you dont have a stable job and able to pay your own rent. and if you do make sure you moved out of it by february of 2020. if fact if at all possible, try not to be in cordoba by 2020. you are going to be fine as long as you are careful, you are not gonna die, i repeat YOU ARE NOT GONNA DIE. but do be extremely careful. thats it, godspeed.