#people im judged for connecting better too

[technicolorxsn]

eugh having weirdbad feelings abt social stuff

[celestial-sapphicss]

.

[scivors]

Andre Nikto head canons

We have little information about Niko but here's what I've gathered..

((Also I'd like to kindly add, hi, hello, my name is Mika and I am a Bosnian. The chances of me adding some accurate slav head canons are always high but never low!!🙏🏻 ALSO IM TERRIBLY OBSESSED WITH NIKTO SO IF ENJOY THIS AND YOU WANT DATING NIKTO HEAD CANONS PLEASE LET ME KNOWWW))

Genuine head canons:

Andre Nikto (Никто) is a (scary) Russian military man, roughly 193/194 centimetres (when you compare him to Simon's height) He suffers with acute dissociative disorder (better said DID) yet is still serving the military cause of how he preforms during battle.., so the military still views him as a ideal soldier for combat despite his disorder..

No hate but from what I've seen in some art works claiming it's his "face reveal" you people have to understand that under his mask, his face is disfigured.. so, no he won't be an attractive super model under that mask of his..

I don't think you people are aware how badass Nikto is as a character, almost SIMILAR as Ghost who's in the military for the same reason as everybody else, to risk their life.

Although judging by Nikto's voice lines, he doesn't care who he's killing..if it were up to him, if his teammates serve him zero purpose he'd care less if they die..(after all, you're just a target..) but being a professional, he can't allow that to happen to his teammates

If you look up closely, Nikto wears a military uniform that is different from everyone else with MP-0 written on it. Now if you don't know, MP stands for Military Police (enforcement agencies connected with, or part of, the military of a state.) and zero next to it meaning "nothing" and this is important which is what Nikto refers himself as..

Yeah so about that..

I have a theory about Nikto's nickname

After being captured and brutally tortured with whatever sick tendency mister Z had in store for him. It was Mister Z that couldn't really get much Information about Andre.

They would start torturing him while repeating to Andre that he's nothing, he's no one, what he is is nothing but what he is is everything. Those words play in the back of his head and they never seen to go away.

(This is extremely relevant cause Mister Z tried to get to know a bit of Andre by looking through some research come to find his citizenship and language are censored making him a nobody. Keep in mind, if he found any information about Andre viewing from personal life etc. it will be used as blackmail..)

After recovering his scars and taken to therapy after 7 years he was diagnosed with DID

NOW moving on to the DID part

(What I said about the fact that people overlook Nikto's disorder, I mean it..

Some don't really write about his disorder which is fine but when someone does it gets messy. )

Alters aren't easy to deal with, it's actually gonna haunt you till the day that you die cause there's no cure for it. And in Nikto's case it's from PTSD and Nikto is very aware of his alters..

Let me tell you how Nikto's disorder affects him. Switching can be consensual, forced or triggered, Nikto values silence as much as the next person cause he's dealing with much inside his head already. The kind of guy that would "watch TV" while dissociating with a 100 yard glare with very slow blinking and a slight headache..

There are times where his personalities would correct him when hes referring to himself (example: I'm up..(his personality correctes him) WE'RE up..)

"He made us do this" (and other voice lines I can't recall..)

Maybe cut bits of an apple with a knife and eat it while watching TV..

He has medication prescribed for him but he didn't wanna depend on medications cause they're just drugs..they're nothing to him but just drugs..

He has dissociative amnesia too, sometimes he would wander around confused maybe even annoyed. The amnesia appears to be caused by traumatic or stressful experiences endured or witnessed..Although the forgotten information may be inaccessible to consciousness, it sometimes continues to influence behavior

Like I said he likes quiet people, someone who doesn't waste their air on small talk..

Example; don't really talk to him about the weather, unless you have something interesting to say but if the conversation is gonna go nowhere , don't talk..he finds that a waste of time

People assume just because he's Russian that he likes vodka, he doesn't like vodka...-He doesn't like any alcoholic beverage cause it makes his problems a lot worse,...maybe If you were lending him some as an offering, he'll take it but he has SOME self control, he's okay with coffee, though..

It's relevant cause he stays awake at late hours since he finds it difficult to sleep, he'll stay up late with no music, nothing, just a silent room. It doesn't matter if he tries the military tactic where you just close your eyes and turn off your thoughts, it's very different when you have voices screaming inside your head...

Despite everything he's still intelligent, so being smart + strength + sharp reflexes and you got yourself a criminal

Death doesn't phase him, but to him death is like sleeping, he's not scared of death considering that he's been through hell those past few months.

He likes the simple things, don't complicate anything..because he's quick with catching an attitude..be blunt and forward and stumble over your words..

Nikto shows confidence in the battlefield,just like König, except he has a high rush of adrenaline and will laugh at the enemies death.

Fun fact: in this one comic Price calls Nikto "psycho"

And it's without a doubt that he is one.., a sadistic, sociopathic, psychopath

After splitting, his alters can and will get more aggressive and do more harm and damage to others cause they're doing the most at protecting the host.. (depending on the alter, some wanna protect him while some wanna hurt him)

Oh by the way about the intelligence part, I mean he has a good good memory with remembering faces..

He doesn't like people looking at him funny, he'll get angry really fast and annoyed at the same time.., he won't show hesitation when it comes to approaching you and asking you what are you looking at (it's like trying to avoid eye contact with a homeless man Infront of a store, that's how scared you would be)

He's slow with jokes or any form of humor that you throw at him??? You'll be excited to tell him a joke, and when you do he just looks at you and tells you never to do that again..,or just straight up tell you he doesn't get it...??? and probably trying to explain it either he gets it or not he'll still tell you that it's not funny

He doesn't argue, or he does? Arguing with him will costs you avoiding getting objects thrown at you so you can get out of his sight..tragic, now you have a teammate that hates your guts and won't apologize for it.

[adventuringblind]

I remember you

Max Verstappen x driver!reader

Genre: sad with a happy ending

Request: yes! I hope you like it as much as I do! I’m open for Max, Charles, Lando, Oscar, Daniel, George, Pierre, and poly relationships. Don’t be shy I don’t judge. I promise.

Summary: Max and reader have been pining after each other for awhile now but haven’t confessed. When an accident changes everything, Max fears he may have missed his change.

Warnings: major accident, description of injuries, pining,

Notes: written in third person

Also, I've sent up my account to let tips be enabled. I was debating whether or not to say this because i dont want to sound like im begging, but frankly, people opinions do not matter me me. If you like my writing and want to support me, please consider tipping my posts or my blog. I put a lot of effort into my writing, and it would mean the world to me. Obviously, I won't have my feeling hurt if you ignor this but I wanted to put it out there.

Masterlist

She’d managed to get the second seat at Redbull. She gets along well with her teammate and she’s managing to keep up with him. Her team is first in the constructors championship. Life couldn’t have been better for her. Until the smoke filled her nostrils and the orange tried to lick at every part of her.

Her road was filled with hard work and she was so proud of herself for making it this far. Starting with alphatauri and finally getting the second Redbull seat.

Her and Max had been friends since she started in formula 1. Though it was obvious there was more to their friendship then they would confess to themselves or each other. Everyone teased them about it. But neither had been able to confront those feelings.

Her having to deal with the already male dominated sport and being asked ridiculous questions. Him defending his title and struggling with how to communicate emotions.

The way the two drove together in sync. Trusting each other to make the right calls. It was a testament to the connection between them.

Outside the track the talked often. Pushing each other, encouraging one another, it was a sight to see for every party involved.

“Are you ever going to confess to her?” Daniel asked Max one afternoon.

Max looked longingly across the garage where you were talking to your engineers. “But things are already so good. I don’t want to ruin it and I’m not sure she feels the same.”

“I just hope you don’t regret it one day, mate.”

It wasn’t even a day later that Max realized Daniel had been right.

~

She was set to place second, the race closer then you would’ve liked with a few laps to go. She’d been aggressively defending from the Mercedes behind her.

The Mercedes switched to trying an overtake on the outside. The proximity to her far too close for her liking. She thought she’d be given the space. She overestimated.

The confusion quickly over took her senses. One minute she was driving on the track and the next she was spinning. It was so fast she hadn’t even realized her car was in the air. The force of the impact was so great at one point she lost consciousness.

She woke up to her ears ringing and heat dancing around her skin. People screaming her name. She needed to move but couldn’t. The halo of the car had been bent in odd directions, preventing a her from an easy escape.

She tried to keep her panic away but But it was getting harder to breath and the heat was getting more intense. She tried pushing herself a little further out. Grasping at anything that could help her.

She could vaguely hear a familiar voice screaming her name. The copper taste in her mouth getting stronger. Then a hand. Trying to pull her out of the intensifying heat.

Hazy sky started to come into view. Her body trying to succumb to the darkness once again. But his blue eyes wouldn’t let her. Her body limp as he dragged her away from the danger. Why was he so sad? Hadn’t he won the race?

His mouth was saying words she couldn’t hear. Moving her. Trying his best to keep her awake.

Then he was being pulled away. Fighting whoever it was trining to take him away from her. She didn’t want him to leave. Screaming at him not to let her go. It felt that the farther away he got the more her body hurt. The heat pulling her back in again. Hands lifting her back to the sky. She wanted Max back. The cloudiness of her mind clearly picturing him.

It didn’t take long for the darkness to come back.

~

“How’s she doing” asked Max. It was near the end of the race and he knew she was fighting to keep second.

“She’s fine, just focus on bringing it home.” Came GP’s voice through the radio.

He couldn’t help but check his mirrors every few seconds. Concerned at how close the Mercedes was getting to her car. But he knew she was a fighter and wouldn’t give up easily. He smiled while thinking about her. Maybe Daniel was right. He always talked about living with no regrets.

He’d decided. He would tell you after the race. After she won her fight.

Then it all changed to fast. He saw it happen. Her tire being hit at the perfect angle to send her flying. Tumbling through the gravel. The fire already seen and she hadn’t stopped spinning yet.

He held his breath as he waited. The red flags already out.

“Is she okay GP?” His voice came out panicked. He couldn’t lose her yet. Not before he got to tell her how he feels.

“We don’t know yet.”

His car was pulled over before he could get any farther. Getting out at an inhuman speed and sprinting to where to crash had been.

Her car was melded to the barriers. Halo shifted in odd directions. Fire consuming most of the area at this point. The Marshalls doing their best to put it out.

He knew he was being reckless but he didn’t car. She needed to get out. He could vaguely see her body dangling through the flames.

Max ran over and immediately was trying to grab for her. The Marshalls making to attempt at stopping him. Only spraying where his arms were to help him get her out of the car.

He felt her move. Shoving herself forward. Trying to connect her hand to his. Until finally, they managed.

The heat was becoming unbearable even for him. He quickly tried to pull her body from the car. Weaving her away body through the dented halo. Dragging her farther away from the smoke when he managed to get her out.

He snapped his helmet off, getting breath back into his lungs. Then he snapped off hers. He was yelling her name. Hopefully giving her senses something to hold on to.

Her eyes found his and he immediately was crying in relief. Holding her in his hands. Assessing the damage to her body.

It didn’t take long for the Marshalls to pull him away. Trying to get her into the medical vehicle so they could help her.

He fought them. Every rational part of his brain gone. Needing to stay with her his only priority. Even more so as she reached for him. Softly saying his name. Coughing violently as she did so. Tear staining her cheeks.

Daniel had run to him in the track. Gripping his shoulders and checking over him. Max’s mind was spinning though. Daniels words falling in deaf ears as he led Max away.

Even as they got back to the garage, Daniel didn’t leave. Concern for his friend keeping him posted at his side.

Max did end up winning the race. Only to stand on the podium missing you.

He barely remembers anything about it. Spacing out when Christian drove him to the medical center. The two waiting for any word on the female drivers condition.

Max saw the way blood had pulled into her mouth as she tried to speak to him. The image burned into his brain.

He wanted- no- needed to see her.

So when the doctor finally called her name, he nearly fell over from standing up so fast. The doctor listed every injury she sustained. Including that of major head trauma. Possibly hindering her ability to race ever again.

Max’s hand flew to his mouth. A nausea inducing feeling settling into his stomach. Christian sighed heaving as the doctor walked away. Leaving the two of them be.

“I know it’s hard, but I’ve had to watch you to pine after each other for years. I need you to be strong for her right now. She needs you now more then ever.”

Max could only nod his head. Steeling himself for whatever she needed from him.

As the two walked down to where she was staying, a room in the ICU, he almost cried at the sight. Both in relief and pain for her.

White bandages cover places around her jaw, arms, hands, and chest. Mostly for the burns, a little for her bones. There was a cast around her knee where they had to pop it back into place.

Machines let out a steady beeping sound and wires ran around her bed. A nurse talked her vitals motioned for them to enter.

“She called for someone every time she was awake.” The nurse stated. “It was mumbled but they think the name was Max.”

Christian glanced at Max briefly before turning to look back at the nurse. “Thank you.” Then the nurse turned and left. Leaving them with the sound of their breathing and beeping machines.

Christian patted Max on the shoulder. “I’m going to see how everyone at the garage is doing and report the news.”

Only Max remained at her side. Gently kissing her bandaged hand. Exhaustion taking over his body at some point and falling asleep. His head placed softly next to her.

He woke up an hour to the sound of beeping, only it wasn’t as steady this time. He looked at the woman beside him trying to asses if she was ok. He calmed when he saw her soft smile. Her eyes lighting up at seeing him.

He smiled back. The joy at seeing her awake setting in.

“I don’t remember much, but I remember you.” She rasped. “And I remember loving you for a long time.”

The realization hit him when the doctor meant by head trauma. However, in this moment the girl he loves is alive and just claimed to be in love with him.

“This is actually the first time you’ve said it, but I have also loved you for a long time. And I’ll continue to love you even if you want nothing to do with me.”

He’d help her through this. Even as both of them sat their crying. Then talking about life. He watched her smile through the pain and determined that he never wanted to see you without it again.

[joydoesathing]

IT NEEDS TO BE SAID!!!

Joy… Lets just… appreciate your brain.

Like, in OG tnmn if a guys is wearing a tie, you manage to put in in the gender bend’s design (Agnes’ necklace, W’s necklace, Izabelle’s scarf, Francis’ dress she wears under the milklady coat, arlenes scarf etc etc)

You stick to their OG colour pallete! Like how Martins tie has the polka dots (ref to Margerettes dress) and Raffael’s Hawaiian t-shirt!

Hair. THE WAY YOU DESIGNED EACH CHARACTERS HAIR. I LOVE IT!

THE WAY YOU DRAW SHOES. I COULD NEVER!

You actually stick to like, 50s fashion. Like, accurate 50s fashion.

Your artstyle itself is just gorgeous

They just LOOK like their genderbend’s genderbend. You can easily tell who’s who without confusion

Character design isn’t even the SURFACE of your creativity.

YOU MAKE EXTREMELY GOOD LORE FOR YOUR CHARACTERS!!!

Im being fr, you’re a really good storyteller.

You see the characters as real life people with actual stories and views.

YOU DO RESEARCH!!!!!! THIS IS ONE OF THE THINGS I APPRECIATE THE MOST! You actually research and understand facts about the 50s and its customs and what they considered normal!

Something else I like about the characters is that they’re realistic, yes I’m extremely delusional and want Frances x Nacho to be together but they aren’t exactly made for eachother, which is why they aren’t together. WHICH MAKES SENSE!

YOU WOULD WILLINGLY CHANGE A CHARACTER’S LORE IF SOMETHING NEW IS DISCOVERED IN THE GAME! I’m mainly talking about Dr. w and Michael, you changed their age (27 to 36) when the th project document got solved, and you said youd change some things up abt Wil’s lore again in campaign mode

Okay, so this might be controversial but… I really appreciate how You didn’t draw NSFW of Nacho x Frances. Yes, they’re your characters and you have to power to draw whatever you want with them (chelsea in the corn outfit lmao) But you chose not to draw NSFW of the 2. FRANCES WAS SEVENTEEN! Imho, you made a good decision.

YOU ACTUALLY UNDERSTAND ALL THE BIASES! Martin was judged because of his eye, Wilma was judged because she was a WOMAN, and Anatolii is judged because of not having a mother and glenn and arlene are judged for their race.

THE CHARACTERS ARE REALISTIC! NONE OF THEM HAVE A ‘PERFECT’ LIFE. THEY ALL HAVE FLAWS AND PROBLEMS THAT THEY’VE FACED. I WOULD LIST THEM ALL BUT THAT WOULD TAKE FOREVER!

Okay thats chap 1 of me talking abt how much i appreciate ur au.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

My heart cannot- thank you for appreciating the effort that i invest too much into the characters 💗

when I made this AU, I initially did it for making genderbent designs for them but afterwards i thought that it would be more fun for the neighbors to have they're own individual traits and detailed stories!

i value putting in all my effort I can give to make sure everyone is their own character at the end of the day.

not to be judgemental but i kind of find it very unsatisfying when there's only certain neighbors that are given so much emphasis and detail and the rest are treated like "props" or their personality, dialogue, actions and drive are solely built around the certain character/s with a lot of detail to make them look better or have story development while the "prop" characters themselves remain stagnant with no interesting traits to them or only one-dimensional traits

and honestly for me, i feel like the characters would be more interesting and fun if they were kind of realistic ,aka have some kind of character development and have faced struggles and biases on the way, so that from there, the neighbors, while coming from very different backgrounds and lives, can still connect, empathize and make bonds with each other via similar struggles in their lives :))

so in conclusion: my enthusiasm for making genderbent designs for them + wanting all of them to be actual characters with character gave birth to what is known as my genderbend au. it became my little isolated platform in the tnmn fandom where i can go crazy with these expectations and wants for the neighbors without necessarily conflicting with the hcs that people have for the OG neighbors

(also I don't mind if you make a whole ass list)

[jovialmoonprincess]

AU: Journey to Redemption (Part 2)

First Part. / The Winter Ball

Coriolanus Snow x Fem!reader 

Summary: Y/N, a young idealist in Panem, dreams of making a difference in a post-war society. As the winner of the prestigious Plinth Prize is about to be announced, a mysterious woman unveils a grim fate for Coriolanus Snow, Y/N's nemesis. Offered a chance to alter destiny, Y/N must navigate her conflicting emotions and intervene in pivotal moments to prevent Snow's descent into darkness. The story unfolds against the backdrop of complex relationships, past connections, and the challenges of a changing world, as Y/N grapples with the responsibility of shaping an unexpected destiny and challenging the very fabric of fate.

Word Count: 2k.

Warning(s): None, 15 yo Corio!! FLUFF FLUFF THE KIISS READ IT FOR THE KISS

A/N: First Fic EVER, dont be mean pls. Also Im not a english native speaker, sorry for any spelling errors. Just saw Songbirds and Snakes and Tom Blyth as President Snow is living rent free in my head! Feedback is appreciated! Comment to be tag in the next part" And REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!

Y/N was nervous. Attending parties wasn't something she was used to, especially in the Capitol. Her father always reminded her not to trust anyone, and distrust had become second nature to her. Tigris, her friend, had borrowed her a dress, even though her father could now afford to buy as many as she wanted. Tigris insisted she needed something special, something she had that would be perfect. When Y/N asked if Tigris was going to wear it, the answer was no; the dress wasn't hers and wouldn't fit, but it would look gorgeous on Y/N. Tigris, with her generous heart, always tried to cheer up Y/N when she cried out of fear and missed her friends from the districts. And surprisingly, Tigris never judged her, perhaps because she shared her own fears and people to care about.

Tigris understood when Y/N called suggesting a girls' night. It was a code for "my father is unbearable, only talks about war, and I want to stay away from him at least tonight." Tigris simply made a list of activities for them, from plucking eyebrows to watching romance movies on TV.

Y/N's dress was stunning, in a bright navy blue shade. And it was the first time she wore heels. Tigris also borrowed her the jewelry. Y/N walked with cautious steps, afraid that someone would look at her and discover she was an imposter. Even though she was part of the Capitol now, she didn't know how people would react.

After almost an hour of pretending to be invisible and enjoying the chocolate dessert on the table, people started leaving the dance floor. They got tired of dancing and were heading for the food, the only activity they seemed to practice. Y/N left the table to get some air; so many people were starting to tire her, even without talking to them yet. Outside, the scenery was beautiful, with a flower-filled garden, water mirrors, and something like an illuminated gazebo. She walked there; it was already night, and she wanted some fresh air. Looking at the night sky was comforting, something shared by everyone, regardless of their districts.

"Hey, this dress looks beautiful on you." She almost had a heart attack; it wasn't for anyone to notice her. "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." It was Corio, Tigris's cousin, always kind when he saw her.

"Thank you, it was Tigris…" She couldn't finish the sentence.

"It was my mother's; my grandmother gave it to Tigris, but it suits you much better. Tigris likes things less… simple." A compliment, perhaps?

"Thank you, it's a really beautiful dress." She replied with a smile. Almost too beautiful that it doesn't suit me. She felt guilty for undoing the memory of the boy's mother.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. Y/N couldn't stop looking into his blue eyes; how could someone be so beautiful? It was almost painful.

"I came out to get some air; it was too hot inside." She replied.

"Just when I was about to invite you to dance?" He smiled; my God, he looked even more beautiful smiling. Y/N! What's happening to you?? He's from the Capitol. You shouldn't be getting involved with these people, at least not sincerely.

"Oh, I don't know how to dance." She lied; what if he leaves and forgets that she's wearing his mother's dress. Maybe that's why he's here; he must have confused his feelings. After all, why else would he approach her? Oh, maybe he just wants to be friends with his cousin's friend. Could be, right?

"I can teach you." He was already so close to her; she could feel her heart beating in her throat. "If you want…" He extended his hand to her, and Y/N took it. What harm could it do, after all?

The touch of their skins was electrifying. He placed a hand on her waist, and she breathed; it was as if there wasn't enough air between them. She didn't even realize she was holding her breath. The music could be heard clearly from there, as well as the sound of their feet on the wooden floor.

"Tigris talks a lot about you. I think you're the only friend she really likes. She feels at home with you." There was sincerity in his words.

"We have very similar stories; I also went hungry during the first rebellion." Corio was an intriguing character; Y/N didn't know what his real intentions were. He seemed like a good guy, even if he was closed off.

"I heard your father is sick, is it true?" He seemed slightly concerned. Y/N met Trigis first, because of their parents. They became good friends despite the age difference.

"Oh, yes, it seems that sometimes winning a battle doesn't mean winning the war. The battle ends, but life goes on, and problems still arise." She spoke with a sad and thoughtful voice.

"It's kind of unfair, isn't it?" He asked as they continued to dance slowly.

"What?"

"Having to worry about hunger while there are people inside who claim to be hungry all the time, even without knowing the real meaning." She didn't expect to hear that, at least not from him. Corio seemed quite comfortable among his friends.

"Yes, it's unfair." She replied seriously. "I wish I could change all of this."

"You know, people like you, me, and Tigris. We deserve more; we have to strive to reach the top." Corio was ambitious; anyone could see that.

"I think we're already at the top." Whether she liked it or not, feeling hungry in the Capitol was different from living in the outer districts. At least here, they had a chance to be heard if they spoke at the right time.

"This isn't the top, Y/N." She didn't know how much she needed to hear him say her name until he said it for the first time. "We're in the Capitol, but we're still not at the top."

"What would be the top for you, Corio?"

"Being president. It's the highest position; I'm sure that when I get there, I can really do something." The way he spoke was as if he wanted to improve the country's situation. To be a fair and democratic leader.

"Sorry about the dress; I didn't know it was your mother's." Y/N didn't want to ruin the moment by talking about politics. They would have better opportunities for that.

Tigris probably said something about Corio's mother, but Y/N's memory was terrible.

"It's been a while since she died, in my sister's birth." She could see a glimpse of pain in his eyes.

"I'm sorry."

"The dress looks beautiful on you; I'm glad my grandmother kept it." Y/N's heart skipped a beat.

"Thank you."

All was silent. All was still. But as they looked at each other's eyes, they heard the unmistakable clamor of their own hearts. Corio was getting closer to her, his lips so close to hers. It was like one of the movies she watched with Tigris.

When their lips touched, something ignited inside Y/N; it was as if nothing else existed. It was a feeling that, if cultivated, promised to become addictive, a sweet dependence that she wouldn't be in a hurry to overcome. His lips were soft, an irresistible invitation, and his touch was like a gentle caress, unhurried, as if he wanted to savor every moment of that unique moment. One of Corio's hands held Y/N's waist with care, while the other stroked her face gently and firmly, as if sealing a silent pact between them. The kiss was like a hot summer day in the middle of winter, a comforting surprise that transported her to a place where there was only the softness of Corio's lips and the delicate and firm touch of his hands.

It was a kiss that transcended time and space, a promise of something deeper and more intense that awaited on the horizon. Breaking the kiss, the gaze they exchanged contained the promise of a future that, at that moment, seemed full of exciting possibilities. The world around them may have continued in silence, but within them, the melody of that kiss would echo for a long time.

The first kiss was a revelation, a sublime experience that transcended circumstances. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to attribute part of this enchantment to the beauty of the setting, but above all to the even more dazzling figure of Coriolanus. At that moment, for the first time, Y/N felt truly beautiful, removed from the ruthless clutches of war. It was as if, for a brief moment, she found the calm before the storm.

Although she wanted to prolong the kiss, Y/N interrupted it, yielding to the inevitable need for a pause. Their gazes intertwined in silence, a communication deeper than any words could express. Coriolanus's eyes, an ocean of blue fascination, were irresistible, and Y/N felt submerged in the intensity of that gaze. Withdrawing gently, she sought refuge on a nearby bench, and Corio, in silence, took a seat beside her. Hesitation hung between them, neither daring to initiate the next exchange of words.

"Did you enjoy the chocolate dessert, didn't you?" Corio's soft voice broke the silence, eliciting a sincere laugh from Y/N. Had he noticed the taste of chocolate on her lips, or had he just watched her during the dance in the hall? The question lingered in the air, hovering between them, lacking the courage to be asked.

"I loved it," confessed Y/N, although she couldn't determine if she was talking about the dance, the dessert, or the kiss. Perhaps all the options were correct.

"You lied to me," accused the young Snow.

"What?" Y/N laughed again.

"You said you didn't know how to dance." The accusation came with a smile from Corio.

"Maybe," she replied, smiling.

Hours unfolded in deep conversations, a natural harmony between Y/N and Corio. Words flowed, laughter echoed, and the kiss, a magical moment that both chose to ignore, was never mentioned again. Corio, a dreamer aligned with Y/N's aspirations, revealed remarkable ambition and unwavering confidence. Meanwhile, Y/N still struggled with uncertainties about her destiny, eager to capture some of the determination radiating from Corio.

It was the ultimate moment when Y/N felt truly connected to Corio. At that moment, she sincerely believed that he was destined for an extraordinary future as a student in the Capitol. With the passage of time, that memory became nostalgic, a pearl of an irrecoverable past.

In present times, in the Capitol (4 years later)

Y/N, immersed in reverie, contemplated a photo taken with Tigris during the ball. After this glimpse of the past, resentment towards Corio increased. How could he get so close so quickly and distance himself just as fast? They could have continued. However, after that winter break that year, Snow didn't spend more than 5 seconds near her. Their interactions were limited to fights, but even so, Y/N couldn't ignore the boy's beauty.

A last dance preceded the Plinth Prize weekend. It would be an opportunity to meet Corio again, four years after that memorable kiss, in drastically altered circumstances. Y/N awaited eagerly, sometimes questioning her sanity, pondering if everything that woman had said would come true. Corio would graduate, go to university, meet someone, and find happiness. He wouldn't become a murderer, let alone a dictator.

Y/N couldn't help but notice that something had changed in Corio since that first kiss. The boy who was once dreamy and affable now exhibited a more closed-off side, as if a shadow had settled in his soul. Every word was measured, and his smiles were scarce, replaced by a serious and concerned expression.

Corio had become more abrupt, and the lightness that characterized his personality seemed to have been replaced by intense seriousness. Y/N noticed that he closed himself off, keeping a distance that didn't exist before. That touch of softness and charm, present in the boy who taught her to dance and gave her an unforgettable kiss, had turned into an aura of tension.

Y/N remembered one of their first fights.

In a classroom full of tension and academic expectations, the teacher announced with a firm voice, "For the next assignment, we'll have randomly assigned pairs." The students' gazes met, a mixture of anxiety and curiosity. Among them were Y/N and Corio, both already known for their rivalries and fierce competitions.

The draw took place, and fate decided that Y/N and Corio would be partners in the next academic endeavor. A wave of murmurs ran through the room, accompanied by intrigued looks directed at the two protagonists.

On a cold study afternoon in the library, Y/N was immersed in her books, tracing meticulous notes and underlining important passages. Corio, on the other hand, flipped through pages with a serious expression, focused on absorbing all available knowledge.

As the hours passed, tension grew. Each had their own approach to the task, and soon the differences became apparent. Y/N preferred to explore ideas and theories more broadly, while Corio delved into specific details, prioritizing accuracy.

"You need to focus, Y/N. These assignments will shape our academic future," said Corio, his tone a mixture of concern and impatience.

Y/N lifted her eyes from the books, facing Corio with a resistant expression. "I'm not disregarding the importance, Corio. I just believe that there are more ways to learn than simply burying yourself in books all the time."

Y/N's words hit Corio like a challenge, and his response came with an unexpected intensity. "Do you think you can afford not to dedicate yourself entirely to studies? The competition here is fierce, Y/N, and only the best succeed." The discussion unfolded, and sharp words flew between them like arrows. Y/N advocated the idea that university life should be more than just grades and rankings, while Corio insisted that the path to success was paved with tireless effort and dedication.

The tension reached its peak when Y/N, driven by frustration, accused Corio of having lost the ability to dream and live beyond academic expectations. Corio, in turn, responded with the accusation that Y/N was being naive and reckless about her future.

The argument, fueled by intense emotions and fundamental differences, echoed through the silent library, drawing curious glances from other students trying to focus on their own studies. As the inflamed words dissipated, Y/N and Corio stared at each other, aware that they had crossed a line separating their views, revealing the depth of the differences that now threatened the stability of their relationship. The ensuing silence was laden with resentment and the bitter feeling that something significant, beyond grades and books, was shattering between them.

----------

Just wanted to drop a quick note to say a massive thank you for all the love, likes, comments, and follows on my story. <3

Big virtual hugs and high-fives to each and every one of you. See you on Part III.

Taglist: @shari-berri @h-l-vlovesvintage @tea-bobba @daenerysqueenofhearts

Again: REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!!!

[howlsofbloodhounds]

might be a controversial/unpopular opinion but i headcanon that any classic variant of sans has some sort of superiority complex going on. maybe not exactly that, but they're some flavor of self-righteous, i guess?

OKAY LISTEN. i'm not saying sans is a bad guy or anything (i love him very much i swear). canon sans is written really well in the sense that he's intentionally very vague and mysterious so we can speculate a lot on his past and intentions throughout the story. idk, maybe my reading is completely off but sans appears to me as a lovable asshole, especially to someone who is a child (frisk). he likes playing around with frisk - yeah it's harmless but still his advice tends to be vague, especially when it comes to battle tips lmao. just imagine in-universe how terrible his advice comes off to a child.

and like, the restaurant scene. sans is intentionally acting all blithe about letting a child die on his watch, under a promise - like i know it's supposed to be a funny off-hand comment to the player, but in-universe again he addresses this to a child. it's just- lmao this guy has some problems for sure.

i think being self-righteous is just tied to his role as a judge as well. he's always 'right' in his judgement, because that's what he is. i think it's just interesting to explore that particular aspect of sans' personality, that he acts in what he thinks is right, and he's always right, isn't he? maybe that's why i tend to enjoy undertale stories where sans somewhat assumes the role of the antagonist - it creates some fantastic dynamic with people around him who it seems like he never really connects well.

~ crowshipping anon

Crow!! Yayy!!

And I honestly kinda vibe with this interpretation honestly. I haven’t completely finished playing all the Undertale games myself (curse my lack of motivation 😭), but I watched a few playthroughs here and there, and it seems like something that could make sense.

Especially when he’s given such an important position like a being a Judge, his opinions and judgements are likely taken seriously by Asgore.

And the thing is, you can also make an argument for this with our most popular classic variants; the Murder Time Trio. Murder justifies what he does as being better that he does it instead of the human, justifies it with that he will eventually stop the human.

Really, he may even argue that his current actions don’t really even go against his job as the Judge; he has judged that the human must be stopped, and he has to do it because he’s the only one who can. I’ve even seen some ideas going around that maybe he views himself as the Angel from the Prophecy, having judged that the Underground will be free by death.

Horror is the entire reason his Underground started eating humans, and he is also the reason that the Core is damaged beyond repair. He didn’t want to sacrifice himself for the Underground, and he survived the event that took his eye, yet he still judged that Undyne and Alphys had to pay for their betrayal—and in doing so he decided that the rest of the Underground would be doomed to starvation or eating people.

He decided to trick Horror Papyrus into eating human meat even though Papyrus very clearly did not want to, and Horror doesn’t seem all too guilty about it—even as Papyrus goes out of his way to prevent Horror from eating humans at his own request.

I’ve even seen around by bigger Horror/Horrortale fans than me that Horror’s reasons for starving himself may not even be entirely selfless—such as for a moral reason or wanting others to have more food than him. But rather because he views it as beneath him and he won’t go “that low.” How canon that is, im not sure, but it’s interesting.

Then meanwhile there’s Killer. He sneers at Swap and threatens to kill him if he ever attempts to compare himself to Killer again, he holds the beliefs and mindsets of his human that were taught to him very closely and looks down on anyone who views things differently with contempt—especially if they attempt to “force” him to view things differently.

Things like mercy or kindness or hesitation are seen as weakness and things to take advantage of in his mind. Even himself is not free from this nihilistic, fatalistic, violence and apathetic driven worldview—-looking down on himself in Stage 1.

He will go out of his way to prove himself and his views right, even if that means doing exactly what Chara did and coercing/provoking someone into killing, attacking, hurting, etc, either themselves, others, or even him.

This is exactly what he was supposed to be, and it’s pointless to try and change or hope for anything more than what he or anyone else deserves. He probably finds Murder’s attempts to justify his genocides absolutely ridiculous. And Horror to be absolutely hypocritical. (Which is why Color’s specific way of approaching Stage 2, wanting to show him a better life—something new—rather than trying to change or fix him, worked so well.)

[dandelionjack]

watched the mad woman in the attic. maybe i’m babybrained cocomelon brainrotted or something but why is this legitimately better than torchwood like?? or at least equal to it in complexity and subtext.*

but jesus christ… what a message about possessive friendship and the inability to let go — the parallels between eve mind-controlling the homeless people to do her bidding because she “just wants friends”, sam doing the same to rani (thinking she abandoned him after he stopped being her only friend, and trying to guilt-trip her into coming back) and rani doing the same to the bannerman road gang (becoming overly paranoid and gaslighting herself into believing she’s not good enough for them because they dare mention maria). THREE LAYERS of mirroring… “maria’s the new sarah jane” being salt on the wound of rani’s aspirational “sarahjaneification” … parallels with martha’s early-s3 complex of being unable to live up to rose, too …

^the ship interface is saying this about eve, but it can just as well be interpreted in a metaphorical sense: rani is a child trying to be an adult, rani is trying to become sarah jane, and it will hurt her. funny how the ghost of doctorification haunts the narrative even in his absence, it’s that powerful. The Doctor is a sort of memetic virus that is passed down from mentor to student, and although its intensity diminishes over time, it can still be fatal. gwen wants to imitate jack harkness. jack harkness wants to imitate The Doctor. rani wants to imitate sarah jane. and sarah jane wants to imitate The Doctor

^eve’s Not-Regeneration — proof of convergent evolution among time-active species? river song’s existence says “yes”. potentially, exposure to the vortex itself gives you the “golden energy emanating from your outstretched limbs” perk

also, from a lore perspective… eve’s species are fascinating aliens. a time-sensitive AND time-active people that’s not connected to the timelords in any way, we don’t see that nearly often enough! as for their backstory (being subject to a genocide as collateral damage because a race that can see the outcome of a conflict is dangerous to both warring parties), that’s definitely a main-show rather than kids-spinoff type concept. wonder what they were doing during the War, not the war on their planet, but the universe-spanning one. judging by the capabilities of their spaceships, the time technology they used is pretty advanced. eve may have been lying by omission: maybe the species that genocided them were none other than the residents of a certain planet that tries by all means to maintain a monopoly on time travel. they don’t like other species messing about with the web that they so carefully wove… ah, now THAT’S a plot seed for a short story in a faction paradox anthology if i ever saw one

Old Rani’s plot was also all incredibly 73 yards. the more i watch, the more i realise just how intertwined ruby sunday’s story so far has been with various callbacks and parallels to sja… it’s gotta mean something? something something trickster pantheon something somehow one who waits

*i almost hesitated to post this because the internet Hates people that analyse kids’ media with any degree of sincerity (im usually toeing the line anyway; the main show isn’t really Aimed At Adults either. which we sometimes forget)

[amymbona]

“Every night when I go to bed, I dream of walking up to hundreds of asks in my inbox that could captivate my attention for the whole day and I wouldn't be able to stop writing”

i feel the need to reveal myself as i’m a sucker for fics and i recommended the blurb of soft patrick 🤭 i love your writing style.

you should totally write something where patrick fails to find anyone who truly understands him except for the reader (yk cause they’ve known each other for forever and the reader is like perfect for him and just an overall amazing person). and he fails to find anyone to connect with, if u know what i mean 😈 PLS GET IT IM SO SORRY IDK HOW TO WORD MY THOUGHTS I LOVE JOSH O’CONNOR

"I LOVE JOSH O'CONNOR" WE ALL CHANT IN UNISON🙌🙌🙌🙌

Patrick Zweig, and I stand by this fact, is absolutely in need of a person who wouldn't judge him for any of his actions. Who'd simply listen, hold him if there's a need (and believe me, there is), and simply let him cry his eyes out. He needs a person who wouldn't sugarcoat anything but at the same time is soft spoken and won't yell at him for simply voicing his worries.

And that person is you.

You're the one who holds him after Tashi's injury, after both his girlfriend and his best friend completely wipe him out of their lives, as a result of something he couldn't possibly control. He lays on your lap, head resting on the soft flesh of your thighs, the four walls of your neat dorm swallowing him in a small bubble of warmth and comfort. And you hold him, fingers delicately running through the mess of his curls, while allowing him to ramble for hours on.

"It's just so unfair to me, like how could I possibly guess that this would happen. Not like I was the one who kicked her to the ground and broke her leg."

He's livid, only too physically exhausted to do something about it, to go slap Tashi like she deserves. His poor boy, despite being familiar with the toughest of trainings, can only handle so much, and then mix of his unsatisfied libido and psychosomatic stomach ache doesn't do him any good.

"And that bastard. Did you see him? He wouldn't even let me talk to her! Acting like her fucking bodyguard."

That is the true twist of the knife stabbed into Patrick's heart, the betrayal of his best of friends, the guy he thought he could trust with his own life. It's simply something that Patrick thought would never, ever happen, the complete one-hundred his best man did. Even you can't really believe what you hear.

"I know, Pat," you whisper, the soft movement of your fingers in his hair faltering as you zone off a bit, trying to come up with the best words to soothe him down. Even though it would be best if you just stayed quiet.

Patrick, too used to the comforting touch you've given him, grabs your wrist with an agitated huff and demonstrates the soft scratching of his scalp, silently demanding more.

So you continue, sighing softly and giving Patrick what he wants. You know this will help calm him down, so why not oblige. You'd much rather see him content, at least partially happy where he is.

"It's just unfair," he pout, nuzzling his face deeper into your lower tummy, an arm thrown around your thighs, holding onto you tightly, "Fucking manipulator. I bet he's fucking her right now."

The voice, despite muffled against the fabric of your sweater, actually make you shudder. The sheer idea of someone betraying their best friend purely for the interest in a girl - someone's girl - seems completely unforgivable. Patrick is definitely not in the wrong for being the offended one here.

"Then what if he is," you mutter, hoping to deliver your words in the best suitable tone to Patrick's ears. "Let the shitty people stay together, Patrick. You're better than them."

Patrick's shoulders tremble lightly at your words and he wants to sob, so so deeply trying to take your words to heart, to really believe them. But he's hurt at the moment. And he doesn't believe he is better than anyone else, let alone Tashi and Art who have been percieved as perfect in his eyes so far. Up until now. At the moment, you're the purest image of perfection, the embodiment of it. And he doesn't believe you're actually with him.

"Don't leave me," he simply whispers, too vulnerable to look you in the eyes while saying it. He hopes the light squeeze of your thighs is enough to let you know how much he really needs you.

You sigh, looking down at the mop of curls on your lap, fingers slowly untangling the mess that somebody left there. "I won't, don't worry."

[justmeinadaze]

Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites (Steddie X You)

A/N: This is that idea I told y'all about when my PTSD was really bad last week. I actually liked writing some of this out <3. It did help a bit. I wish I had them and a Red to help me through those rough days.

I did set this after the events of Season 4 so slight spoilers involving Max mostly. Im kind of excited to explore a bit more of Steve's PTSD involving the show. I did it a bit here. I also chose to utilize my own trauma as the readers trauma. I'll delve a bit more in the warnings.

Anyone struggling with their mental health, you are not alone <3. You're feelings are valid and we just have to take things one day at a time. I love you :)

Warnings: Steddie X Fem Reader, No smut yet, Fluff with the reader trying to make them feel better and vice versa. Angst, trauma involving the show is mentioned especially with Steve's feelings of what happened to Max, mentions of Eddie being blamed and the town treating him like trash, he does talk about his abuse as a child very briefly as does the reader. No details are mentioned just that it happened. Reader has a panic attack that the boys help her through.

I do expand on symptoms of PTSD and how the reader feels. Symptoms of mental health can be different for everyone so I focused more on what I experience with my own PTSD. As I progress in the chapters and she becomes more open with them I will most likely talk about things that happened to me. I didn't want to generalize what she was going through mostly because its hard. PTSD and trauma are complicated in it of its self so...

Word Count: 5314

You had been coming to this group for years because of your mental health. Your doctor suggested it stating that it might help you to hear from other people going through the same thing you were. Truth be told it never worked. The other people in this post traumatic stress support group were mostly military vets or officers who had just moved to Hawkins to “get away from the chaos.” You imagined it was a quite a shock for them when the earthquake hit…

While a lot of their symptoms and aftermath stories were similar to yours, you struggled to connect. If anything, you felt more alone. So why did you keep coming back?

Routine, maybe. Or the need to have any kind of human contact since you spend the bulk of your time by yourself at home. Hell, you even worked from home so the only living thing you interacted with on a daily basis was your service dog, Ren. You rarely ever spoke in group, choosing to sit there and listen to the other people speak. 

Since the earthquake, however, more people had joined to your dismay. Most of the citizens that came in took up most of the time talking about the event and how scared they were about what happened. You tried not to let the disgust show on your face when they spoke, understanding that everyone experiences things differently but they didn’t really know. 

They didn’t know what it was like to spend years replaying an event in your head even when you’re asleep. To have those moments where something that would be random to someone else meant something significant to you triggering a panic attack that knocked you on your ass for the rest of the day. They didn’t know what it was like to be so scared to even go to the fucking grocery store to get essentials without the fear that everyone is talking about you and judging you because you’ve been standing in front of the canned goods for a little bit too long wondering if you buy this will you actually eat it or will it just sit there for months at a time because some days you don’t feel like eating. 

Your PTSD consumed a lot of your life for most of your life whereas these people were just now stepping into it and were most likely going to step right back out. After a few months, you were correct. All those citizens gradually stopped coming in till it was just the regular survivors once again. 

After grabbing some coffee, you and Ren sat in your usual spot, waiting for the meeting to start. The dog grabbed your attention when he whined and without warning placed his head on the stranger beside you. 

“Oh. Hey, buddy.”, he coos as his big hand reaches down to pet his head. 

“I’m sorry. He probably senses your anxiety.”

“Well shit. He’s not wrong. I’m not really good at any of this.”, he gestures around the room. “But some of my friends insisted we come so…”

“We?”

“Yeah, um…” The boy’s eyes glance up towards someone headed for the seat next to him and it takes you a moment to realize everyone else’s eyes on him as well. 

You recognized his face immediately, Edward Munson. The metalhead had been accused of being a satanic worshipper who murdered a bunch of teens a few months ago. He had been cleared of those charges thanks to the help of the old police chief, some detective journalism by Nancy Wheeler, and his friend… “Steve Harrington?”

“That’s me. Do I know you? My memory isn’t what it used to be.”

“She had school with us and graduated along with you, Harrington.”, Eddie sighed as he folded his arms.

“Oh. I’m sorry. What was your name?”

“You look different.”, you blurted before turning away from him and closing your eyes. “I’m…I’m sorry. Sometimes…my mouth moves before…before my brain catches up.”

Ren senses your heightened anxiety and places himself between your legs so you can pet his head, down his back. 

“Alright everyone, let’s get started.”, the overly cheery coordinator grins as he sits down and crosses his legs. While glancing at his clipboard, he addresses the circle. “Does anyone have anything they’d like to share before we get going?”

“Why is he here?”, someone sneers as they point towards the metalhead. 

“He should be in a cell not in group therapy.”, says another.

“Hey now. Mr. Munson is entitled to care just like everyone else and I expect you guys to treat him with the same respect we do everyone else. If that’s going to be a problem, I completely understand, feel free to leave and meet us at our other scheduled time on Thursday.”

Half the people in the room stood up and walked out, the last person slamming the door of the room for emphasis. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Steve pat his back comfortingly as Eddie lets out a deep, heartbroken sigh.

“Would either of you like to introduce yourself to the rest of the group?” 

The metalhead continued to glare forward as Steve spoke up. “As some of you may know, I’m Steve Harrington and this is my friend Eddie. Our other friend Robin suggested we try this since we, uh, we’ve been having some trouble lately.”

“Good, very good. Nice to meet you both. This is a safe space so please feel free to be open here.”

“Thank you.”

“Let’s, uh, let’s continue down the line here. Y/N? Do you feel like talking? I see Ren is on duty today. Something you’re anxious about?”

“Everything.” The man chuckles as people around the room nod in agreement. “I’m ok today, thanks.” 

The remainder of the meeting goes by smoothly without any incident and as it ends everyone rises to leave except the two people next to you. They expect you to leave as well but when you stand, instead of heading for the door you place yourself next to Eddie. He doesn’t move or make any gestures to acknowledge your presence and you’re ok with that. You aren’t really one for small talk or anything like that but something about his demeanor gave you a gut feeling that you decided to expand on. 

Your therapist was always preaching about learning to trust your gut and positive self-talk making your eyes roll every time. 

“Um, this is Ren. He’s a service lab for me because I, uh, I get shaky and anxious really easily. He can sense when I’m nervous or about to have an attack so he helps ground me. I can just pet him or he’ll let me hold him. At home, he’s trained to bring me my medication.”

Steve watches you speak, seemingly trying to get a read on you while Eddie continues to stare straight ahead. You can tell he’s listening though because his head tilted ever so slightly towards you as you began explaining things. Personally, he was so ecstatic to hear a stranger talk calmly with him but he couldn’t display that for fear of ruining the moment or worse, it being a lie.

“Do…do you want to pet him?” 

His head finally whips around to look at you as his eyes scan yours. Swallowing nervously, he sat up straighter, rolling his eyes in faux frustration as his palm reached out to pet the dog’s head. 

“Why Ren? How did you come up with that?”, Steve asked.

“The morning before I got him, I saw Footloose at the cinema. I like Kevin Bacon’s character and his name was Ren. Do you want to see something cute?” Without waiting for an answer, you stood in front of them and motioned for the lab to stand in front of you. Holding out your hands, you sang the Footloose theme song and he jumped up to place his paws in your hands to dance with you.

Both men smiled and you knew you’d never be able to explain why but it comforted you. 

“I, um, I know this town can be full of assholes but I hope you do come back next week. Craig, the coordinator, will take care of you. He’s a little quirky but he’s nice.”

Again, you don’t wait for an answer as you gather your things and Ren before heading out the door. 

****

When Steve got home that night, he immediately went on the hunt for his yearbook. 

“What are you doing, man?”, Eddie whined as he threw himself on the bed. 

“Looking for my yearbook. I’m surprised I don’t remember her. The guy said Y/N, do you remember her last name?”

Of course, he did. When you were in school together, he had a few classes with you especially English. Junior year you wrote a story that the teacher made you read in front of the class about a girl who was hiding in a forest behind a tree as she watched two monsters argue about how they were going to eat her when they found her. The other kids thought you were weird but he identified with it; picturing his parents fighting as you read.

Eddie never found the courage to speak to you but he was always your hidden knight, watching over you. One of the party boys had talked about how they fucked you and how much of a freak you were so he slashed the kids tires and spray painted “Asshole” in big, bold letters on his car. You probably didn’t remember but on valentine’s day he had slipped a note in your locker that was a drawing of you battling your monsters you had written about. 

“No. Come on, Harrington. It doesn’t matter. It’s not like we’re going back anyway.”

Steve paused his search as he sat down and crossed his legs. “Why wouldn’t we go back?”

“I don’t know if you noticed but people weren’t exactly excited I was there.”

“Fuck those people. At least one person was excited. Two if you count the dog.”

“Yeah sure. Let ruin that by bringing her into our shit. Plus, it’s not like we can tell anyone or talk about what really happened.”

Steve sighed as he got up to sit beside him. “Ed, first off, there isn’t shit to bring her into. Vecna’s dead; we killed him. Secondly, we don’t have to talk about what happened…just what happens after.”

“Really? You want to play that game, Steven? He may be dead but we still got shit. Max is still in a coma, Dustin is still struggling, the town is quite literally cut in half, and ALL of us still have fucking nightmares with all that other fun post traumatic shit. Things are still so out of whack we haven’t even told our friends about us yet.”

“They have enough on their plates.”

“Exactly. So, I reiterate, why do you want to bring this girl into our chaos?”

The man sighs again as he hangs his head making Eddie feel a little guilty as he leans his head on his shoulder while reaching for his hand.

“I don’t know. There’s just something about her that makes me feel comfortable and safe.”

###########

“You came back.”

“Yeah, it took some convincing but…”, Steve grinned. “Hey Ren. May I?”, he asked before petting the lab when you nodded. 

“How are you feeling today, Eddie?”

The metalhead softly smiles at you as he tilts his head in your direction. When the meeting begins you can already feel that the energy is different. One of the regulars is extremely agitated today as his leg bounces and he folds his arms. As soon as Craig reaches him, he shouts his problem as he struggles to control the volume of his voice. Your eyes close as you try to stay present and remind yourself that your safe.

No, no, no. Please. I can’t have a panic attack here in front of all these people. Everyone will look at me. They’ll think I’m weak. No, no, no.

“Y/N?”, the coordinator calls your name and you fold into yourself. “Y/N, you’re ok. You’re safe.”

Ren places his front paws on your knees as he rests his head on your shoulder. You couldn’t do this, pushing him back as you stumbled out the door into the hallway before sinking to the floor.

Your service dog continued to do what it was trained to do as he ran after you and laid beside you in your arms. The sound of your bag and a bottle of water being placed beside you startled you but you couldn’t move to acknowledge it.

You felt your head being lifted and placed on something relatively soft as you continued to try and calm down. It took a few moments but once you felt like you could breathe you opened your teary eyes to see Eddie looking towards the window.

“Hey, hey, take your time.”, Steve soothed in a soft tone when you tried to sit up. “I grabbed your bag and some water. Do you need your meds or anything?”

“C-C-Can you help me?”, you asked as you reached your arms back to try and push yourself to a sitting position. He leaned over to help you adjust as you laid against the wall with your head on the metalhead’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for.”

“I didn’t want you laying your head on the hard floor. I hope that was ok.”, Eddie tenderly grinned. 

You nodded, watching heavily as Ren dug his snout in your purse before producing your medicine and placing it on your lap. 

“Good boy. Steve, in there is his treats. Can you give him one?”

He smiled as he did what you asked and your dog wagged his tail happily. 

“Do you need help?”, Eddie whispered.

“I don’t want to be any trouble.”

Without saying a word, he grabbed the meds from you lap and opened the bottle, shaking one into his hand and popping it closed. He placed the pill near your mouth and your eyes met his as you slowly opened, allowing him to place it on your tongue before holding the edge of the water to your lips and tipping it back. 

“You’re not any trouble. I…we…appreciate you being as kind as you have been to us.”

As he extended his arm to place everything back in its proper place, his jacket sleeve slid up and you noticed some slight scaring around his wrist. When he felt your eyes on him, he followed your glance, quickly covering it up as he leaned back. 

“Thank you for coming out here. You didn’t have to. I struggle with aggressiveness like what Jeremy did in there.”

“Is that not normal for him?”

“Usually, no but I imagine this earthquake and the aftermath hasn’t helped him with his flashbacks.”

“How has it been for you?”, Steve asked.

“Um, not to chaotic. I had a harder time a few months prior when this town was going crazy and playing police officers like they were the law or something. Oh shit. Eddie, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even—”

“No worries, sweetheart. I’m used to it now; the stares, gossip, and questions.”

“Should you be?”

His eyes met yours again before quickly looking away as the door to the group area opened and people filed out. The man who had been yelling came over to where you were sitting and apologized in a much more gentle tone then he had previously. After accepting it and smiling towards him, you slowly wobbled to your feet with Steve helping to guide you.

“Are you ok to drive? We can take you home if you’d like.”

“No, I’m alright. I just need to eat something and get a little energy back.”

“Would you like to have dinner with us?”, Eddie offered carefully.

“Sure.”

***

As the three of you entered the restaurant, your eyes darted around as your brain did its regular anxiety check. You made sure to clock where all the exits were and how to get to them, scanned the current patrons to make sure no one was someone who would hurt you, and marked which seat you would prefer to be in just in case you needed to run. 

When you glanced towards Steve, you blinked back surprise when you realized he was doing the same thing. 

“I have to leave, Harrington, but get it to go and we can eat in my van. If that’s ok with you.”

You nodded, panicking slightly as he walked back out the door, unsure of what he was hiding from. To avoid another episode, you did the same leaving the other man to order. When you made it outside you found Eddie in the driver’s seat smoking a cigarette, his eyes darting to you when you climbed into the passenger’s side. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I saw Jason’s parent’s eating at a table so…”

“I never thought you killed those kids.” As soon as the words blurted out, your eyes squeezed shut. “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Finger reached out to touch your arm causing your eyes to open again, meeting his kind chocolate-colored ones. 

“You don’t have to keep apologizing.”

When you apologize again, both of you let out a breathy, genuine laugh. 

“When I saw on the news what happened to Chrissy, I knew you couldn’t have done it. Yeah, you were always loud in school but you were also really sweet… at least from what I remember.”

You two jumped when Steve opened the back of the van and threw himself in. “Eddie, go.”

Without any hesitation, he started to put the vehicle in gear but he wasn’t fast enough as Jason’s father appeared by his window and aggressively knocked on the glass. 

“Where do you think you’re going, freak?! You’re the reason my son and his girlfriend are dead!”

“Go, Eddie!”, Steve commanded.

The metalhead slammed his foot on the gas and sped off with the man shouting behind him. The rest of the ride was silent until he parked near the hill that surveyed the town. You watched as he continued to grip the wheel like a lifeline as his chest rose and fell. You wanted to help but you didn’t know exactly how. They only thing you could think of was to grab his palm and place it on Ren’s head. The dog was used to limp pets as Eddie’s hand lazily fell down his back but he promptly rested his head on his lap as you praised him. 

Steve leaned over the seat and placed his arms around him as he whispered things in his ear furthest from you. After a few moments his hand began to move against Ren’s fur making the dog’s tail wag as the other boy released him from his hold. 

“Come on. Let’s eat.”

############

It was actually the perfect evening for eating outside. The van doors remained open as the three of you munched on your meals in the back. From this spot Hawkins looked different; less chaotic than it was.

While you guys ate you casually talked about yourself. They told you some general things about themselves and you did the same. Even though you felt safe with them you didn’t want to bombard them too much with the mess that was your life. You felt like they were holding back as well, omitting certain information they were afraid to tell.

“You can work from home, you know?”, you mentioned after Eddie brought up how hard it was to find a job because of who he was. “That’s what I do.”

“I could do that.”

“Wouldn’t that be hard for you, Ed? You’re very talkative and outgoing. Don’t you like thrive off of people or some shit.”

“Thrive off of people… No, Harrington. I’m not a vampire.” They grinned at each other when you giggled. “I mean it wouldn’t be much different. Everyone already thought I was a freak beforehand. Now I’m just a murdering freak.”

Everyone went silent as the metalhead turned away to glare outside. 

“You should stop saying things like that.”, you murmur. 

“It’s how they feel.”, he shrugs.

“Who cares how they feel. What matters is how you feel and the truth. You didn’t do it so stop saying it.” Eddie’s eyes jerked towards you as your tone got more agitated.

“Yeah, well, what would you know?”

“Eddie, stop it.”, Steve warned.

“It’s ok, Steve. I can handle this. I’m mentally ill not weak.”

“No one said you were weak, Y/N.”

“What makes you so confident I didn’t do it, hm? You weren’t there. Maybe I did.”

“Eddie…”

“No, Harrington. I’m curious. What makes her so confident? I have to know because besides my friends and my uncle you are the only person in this town who believes I didn’t do some satanic ritual to murder Chrissy, Fred, Patrick, and Jason. That I didn’t hurt Max to cause that fucking earthquake. Why?”

Steve angerly threw the water bottle he was drinking from hard against the inside of the van making you jump.

“Jesus Christ. Are you fucking kidding me, Ed?! We finally find one person who believes the truth and you have to fucking question it! Who gives a fuck why she believes you! Just embrace it.”

He crawls out of the vehicle and begins to pace as he lets off steam. Ren puts his head on your lap and you pet him as you watch Eddie climb out as well and hug the boy from behind, resting his cheek on his back. 

“I’m sorry if I startled you.”, Steve apologized without looking your way. 

“You didn’t. I…I feel safe with you, both of you. That’s why I believe you. I can’t explain it, Eddie. I wish I could. My therapist says that because of my trauma I had to learn how to read people so I could protect myself and prepare just in case. You two…I just don’t get this vibe that I need to be afraid of you.”

“Like a superpower?”, the metalhead grins softly as he comes to sit back beside you. 

“You could say that.”, you giggle and his heart melts. Abruptly, you lean over and wrap your arms around his shoulders, feeling his body stiffen only for a moment before fully accepting it. “You’re a good person Edward Munson.”

Steve watches you both as he stands in front of you, also taken aback when you turn your love towards him by hugging him to, circling your arms around his lower back.

“You to, Steve Harrington.”

****

The following week you were happy to see they attended group again and seemed so much lighter than they had the other times they had come. As the meeting started, once again you felt that shift in energy. 

“Y/N, I know you don’t talk much here and that’s absolutely fine. I was hoping maybe we could talk about what happened last week.”

“Oh, um, I don’t want to make Jeremy feel bad.”

“I’m ok. I want you to talk about it. It helps me understand…”

You gnaw on your bottom lip at his answer as Craig looks at you with earnest eyes. “I, um, he got aggressive and I panicked.”

“He did get verbally confrontational. Was it the yelling or what he was saying that triggered you?”

“The…yelling doesn’t…doesn’t really bother me or what is said. It…how it was being said.”

“Huh. Interesting. Please, go on.”

“My mom…was always kind of…forceful with her words…”

You don’t see it but both the boy’s protective modes had kicked in beside you especially Steve’s. It takes all his energy not to comfort you in some way. Yesterday, you had hugged him and Eddie but you three had been alone. Right now, you were in room full of people and he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. He settled for casually extending his legs a bit so his knee was just barely touching your own. 

“I don’t want to talk anymore if that’s ok.”

“That’s fine, Y/N. How about you Steve? I noticed you and Eddie got up pretty quickly to make sure she was okay. I’m sure she appreciates that. Are you usually the protector of your friend group?”

He smirks slightly. “They would probably say I’m more like the babysitter.”

“That’s funny.”, the coordinator laughs. “I have seen you around town with some of the younger kids like Dustin Henderson and Mike Wheeler. You and Mr. Munson there.”

“How’s Max Mayfield doing?” Both their heads shot up to look towards the member that asked the question. “Is she doing any better? I heard her mom is wreck.”

“Jackie, you know the rules. We don’t gossip in here.”, Craig scolds. 

“I’m not gossiping! Max was dating that Sinclair boy, right? Who hangs out with Michael and Dustin who apparently hang out with them so…I just want to know.”

Ren, who had been laying on the floor by your feet, suddenly sat up and waddled between Steve’s legs before lifting himself up so his head was on the man’s shoulder.

“Hug him.”, you whisper as you reach out to rub the boy’s back.

Slowly, he wraps his arms around him and pets the dog’s head. “Good boy.”

“Let’s, uh, Let’s move on to someone else.”

As the coordinator began talking to another person, Steve got up to leave as you and Eddie followed behind. Unlike you, instead of sitting in the hall, he continued to the parking lot towards his BMW. 

“Steve, wait. Wait a second!”, the metalhead called to him trying to keep up.

“I’m fine. Let’s just go home.”

“If you’re fine then why are we leaving?”

“Because I know they are going to ask about her again and I don’t want to hear it so…”, he aggressively gestures towards the car. 

“Isn’t that the point of this therapy group bullshit? To talk or whatever the fuck you said. This was your idea. You can’t just drag us here and then leave when it gets hard.”

“Ok, well, you know what? You were right, okay? We can’t talk about what happened so—”

“But they aren’t asking what happened. They are asking how she is. They already think they know what happened.”

“Fine! Fine, Eddie! Let’s go back in there and answer her question! ‘Oh yeah, Jackie, Max is fine. Just all of her limbs are broken and she’s in a fucking coma but hey the doctors say she’s not brain dead! Always a silver lining!’”

“Steve…what happened to her wasn’t your fault.”

“Fuck this. I’ll walk home.”

The metalhead ran in front of him, trying to block him with his body. “What happened to her, me, Dustin, and Lucas wasn’t your fault. You killed him. You, Nancy, and Robin saved us all but you’re not fucking superman, babe. You can’t be everywhere at once and can’t protect everyone.”

Steve’s head hung and they clung to each other as Eddie embraced him. When they disconnected, they were almost startled by your presence, forgetting you were there entirely. 

“Hey, um, before my brain glitches, I drew you something last night.” Eddie digs in his pocket and hands you a folded piece of paper. 

When you open it fully, you softly smile at the image of you in boots and a superhero style outfit with your palm in the air as a zig-zag force field surrounded you. Next to you was Ren with his tongue hanging out and mask over his eyes. At the top was bold 3D lettering that read “LADY EMPATHY” with smaller print underneath; “Senses Emotions and helps heal the innocent with her trustee four-legged side kick Anti-Depressant.”

You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry but you loved it. No one had ever done something nice like this for you except that one time someone slide a drawing into your locker.

Your eyes met his as a light bulb went off in your head. 

“Do you two want to come over to my house? We can hang out and eat some food. I would like to show you something.”

Eddie glanced at Steve who nodded his approval. 

“Ok. Sounds like fun.”

****

“Wow, this place is really nice.”, Steve muses as he looks around. 

“Thank you. I don’t have much but I don’t need too much so…”, you shrug as you watch them move around. 

“You seem to like a lot of movies, huh?” Eddie walks around looking at your posters hanging on the wall. 

“I do especially the fantasy ones. It’s nice to hide from reality in movies like The Never Ending Story or Dragon Slayer. I can’t wait for Labyrinth to come out. You know that new Bowie movie?”

The metalhead chuckles when Steve shrugs. “He doesn’t know who that is, sweetheart. Steve isn’t exactly well versed in most media.”

Your eyes widen as you head towards your sound system and push in a cassette. “Let’s Dance” flows through the speakers and he bobs his head he listens. “Pretty cool.”

Eddie laughs harder when you playfully sigh as his musical ignorance. “Yeah. Welcome to my world. What did you want to show us?”

After disappearing into your room, you come back with a frame in your arms, the image facing your body. 

“When I was in high school, I was pretty good at being invisible but sometimes I wasn’t so lucky. The jocks would pick on me a lot and pretty girls like Tammy Thompson would make my life hell.” Steve sighed praying that he wasn’t one of the people who hurt you. “That was nothing compared to what I was dealing with at home. My parents…they, um, they weren’t nice with each other and sometimes…my mother would take that out on me.”

“I always loved English class because I could write about what I was feeling. One day a teacher had asked me to read something I wrote in front of everyone. I told him no but he insisted and as I stood there, I could hear people snickering. It was awful; I hate talking in front of people. But anyway, a few days later, I found this in my locker.”

You turned the frame around to display the image Eddie had drawn for you as you slowly moved toward him. 

“You have no idea what this did for me. In a world full of people where I felt like no one cared, this showed me someone was listening. Someone out there did care…at least enough to take the time to draw this and give it to me.”

Eddie’s eyes met yours as he spoke. “I related to it, your story about the monsters and the kid hiding. My father used to scream at my mother until it escalated. I would always hide in my room hoping I wasn’t next.” Steve came over to stand next to him and rub his back comfortingly. “Turns out I can’t fight any monsters, can I, Stevie?”

The boy growled under his breath as his hand fell. 

“You were always amazing to me. You seemed so smart and strong; I was so afraid to talk to you. I couldn’t stop thinking about your story so I drew that and slid it into your locker.”

“So…my superpower works? I was right about you. You are a good person.” You smile when he smirks in your direction. “You guys can talk to me…about anything. I won’t judge you or hurt you or anything. I trust you and I hope that you can trust me.”

They glance at each other and you see the hesitation in their look. They a definitely holding something back but you pray that one day they’ll feel comfortable enough to let you in. Little did you know, the massive secrets they could tell.

[bonew3s]

a short ink sans character essay—

a short ink sans character essay (? can i even call it that i barely scratched the surface)

( Ink is made by @comyet, here is the faq i will be referencing often; https://comyet.tumblr.com/post/132998265968/i-n-k-t-a-l-e — and here is this whole thing crossposted on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/49854430 )

His soulessness—

hes soulless yes and he uses his vials to feel, comyet had mentioned he pretended to have a soul— not to have feelings. He feels things even if he needs his vials to do so they're still his emotions. Ink vomits when he feels too much, that doesnt sound very emotionless does it? Ink technically isn't emotionless. He cant understand emotions, yes, but he feels them. He cant go off his vials without kind of, dying/ going comatose. Comyet said he became a lifeless husk without them— not emotionless.

Ink is a bit of a jerk, that will obviously happen if someone doesnt have a good grasp on feelings or social ques— yes im bringing up social ques now.

Social ques, are usually hand in hand with emotions, they're connected. Okay, expanding on this— lets say, someone is sad the thing someone would do is comfort them, judge the situation yes? but its so much more complicated than that, you have to read ques wether they want to talk about it, you cant ask " do you want to talk about it?" because they might not want you to point it out— or maybe they want you to point it out and end up getting mad when you dont, youre trapped all because you cant read what that person wants with their body langauge becaus people are so unpredictable.

I got a little carried away there but you get the point yeah?

I mean, ink's gonna be a jerk, purposefully or not either way cause he doesnt have a good grasp on emotions thats how his character is, him being soulless or insensitive doesnt make him an evil character, hes complex thats how people in real life are.

I just hate when people automatically think soulless= evil, cause thats not true, maybe in canon undertale it is— but undertale aus arent canon thats why that doesnt apply, also ink is different from flowey because of his vials, flowey is alive because of determination that landed on his dust and the flowers near it, there wasnt any dt in inks case (that we know of) — and flowey pretends to have feelings, ink doesnt.

In inks faq, comyet mentions ink being emotional more than once, when mentioning his rainbow freckles he has when hes positivly emotional, and vomiting ink when hes emotionly shaken.

point being—Ink isnt emotionless he feels too much, hes not evil hes not exactly well behaved but he isnt downright evil. Everyone is morally grey, real life and fiction thats what makes it realistic and intresting, everyone has different perspectivs, opinons etc and that makes people morally grey.

"He is an insecure, self-centered character with abandonment issues who has a hard time trusting his emotions." again the word emotions pop up, and not just emotions his emotions. Those are inks flaws, and that gives perspective on his worldview, it makes sense, that he views other aus as just characters, he sees so many of them its better to disconnect himself right? The thing with abandonment issues is that it causes a feeling that everyone will leave you so its better you leave them— or disconnect youself from them, before they leave you.

Okay, lets talk about his past now, he was stuck in an abandoned au, he hated it so much and it was so blank that he didnt see any other way out than killing himself. He ripped his soul apart. He felt such great despair and hopelessness that he took his very being in tore into it, dusting instantly— and smiled as he dusted. It was worded as he "broke free", in a sense he did, but Ink didnt know he would be granted another chance, i dont think thats what it meant by broke free, because right after that it says he was given another chance. Ink didn't know what would happen after he died, in his mind death was better than being alone, being forgotten. I have a feeling that Ink not remembering his past, isnt just his regular spotty memory, i have a feeling it was a repressed memory— because some of it still carries over to him, like his fear of blank spaces, and being forgotten. Its somewhat similar to anniversary reactions, where someone doesnt even have to remember it, their subconcoius and body remember enough for feelings to peak through. Its not exactly aniversary reactions for Ink because there was no time in his au— point is his feeling still carry over even if he doesnt remember his actions. Ink is traumatized. Its so clear in his personality, quirks — everything. I hate when people completly brush over his past even if he doesnt remember it because in real life people block out traumatic events too!!! it still happend!!

his abandonment issues, insecurities, fears and overall flaws reflect that.

Ink isnt evil, comyet literally said he was a chaotic neutral.

basically im sick of people overlooking Ink— esp when people overlook is faq and past.

(i might add more to this later/someday idk cuz it is a little on the short side [alot on the short side] and i only coverd a quarter of what i wanted.)

update (9/13/23); okay, when i wrote this my thoughts were kinda everywhere despite how much i tried to organize this, its messy and i did not cover alot.

here i am coming to drop more info onto this, ok.

basically on ao3, someone had mentioned that the better wording for inks memory regarding the negatives of his past can be described better with dissociative amnesia, which supports my claim about ink being traumatized. (I assume that it would be nearly impossible for an emotionless person to have trauma, once again proving he does have emotions) But of course, if someone wants to write/portray ink as an evil character i am not the boss of you, i just hate when people think ink being an emotionless evil guy is canon when its not, he is traumatized. Trauma and abandonment issues can make people seem rude, act rude and we see that in inks character, and personally i think thats what makes him awesome. Ink is relatable and realistic, trauma does not carve a perfect angel of a person, trauma is ugly and rough, though i am not saying that every person with trauma is going to be rude of course, but no one is perfect.

[fujoshiwarrior]

limbus company 1 am (edit: now 2 am) ramblings (massive spoilers abound for canto v)

these are just some quick sleep deprived thoughts, and my analysis could be better, but i feel like talking about it anyway

i saw a post in the main tag talking about why the op really disliked canto v, and i don't wanna get into an argument and i don't want to vague the op in a way that makes it seem like im attacking them because im not, i just wanna talk about why i disagree with them

i don't think canto v was perfect or the best canto but i thought it was absolutely incredible (yes i did cry during the final boss fight), and i agree that starbuck and queequeg deserved way more screentime and development than they got (i also think the adaptation of queequeg from moby dick to limbus was woefully clumsy, which might have have been remedied by more time with her, though i still love limbus!queequeg)

however, i wholeheartedly disagree on ahab as a villain. i thought she was amazing. even if she doesn't really have any shades of gray to her, i think the point is that a lot of horrible, evil, selfish people genuinely believe what they are doing and their behavior is right and justified. furthermore, she was completely and utterly steeped in delusion and obsession to the detriment of herself and every single person remotely in proximity to her.

i need to say first that i've never read moby dick unfortunately, so i can't comment too much on limbus!ahab vs book!ahab. what i do know is that just like in limbus, ahab's obsession leads to the demise of every single crew member with ishmael as the sole survivor. since i haven't read moby dick, i had to consult sparknotes for a profile of book!ahab, and it describes him as much of a victim as he is an aggressor---however, i'll touch on that in a bit.

what i want to bring attention to is that both book and limbus ahab are characterized by sheer hubris, pride, and a god/savior complex. i want to bring attention to another classical literature character who is characterized by hubris and who also spends the entire novel on a ship: victor frankenstein.

this comparison might seem like it's coming from left field, but i promise i have a point. also, while i don't think limbus!ahab was overtly inspired by victor frankenstein, considering how obsessed pm is with literature i think there is a very low chance that kjh or at least one of the writers haven't read frankenstein. see also the parallels between angela and the monster/ayin and frankenstein in lobotomy corporation and library of ruina (especially library of ruina, where there is a direct connection between angela and lucifer related imagery, who the monster is also associated with). frankenstein ends with victor, after telling his, encouraging the sailors not to give up on trying to find a new passage channel in spite of the fact they will probably die doing so---victor has not learned his lesson, and now he's luring a group of sailors to their deaths.

ahab is so full of herself and so egocentric that even when she was facing the death of her very "self" (or...ego) she did not falter in her delusions, not even at the very, very end, and was happy to continue the cycle. the point i'm trying to make here is that a character being unambiguously bad and selfish doesn't necessarily make for a bad or uncomplicated character. i will concede though that op again has a point with the lack of screentime with ahab means that she didn't have the time to prove her complexities.

this brings me to canto v's ending. in the post credits scene, we saw the ahab somehow survived the collapse of the white whale (this is just speculation, but i think it has something to do with her ego awakening---judging off the cg art, i would guess the ego fused with the pallidification from the whale or nullified it entirely...or both maybe). i was initially disappointed by this.

however, we know very little about hermann's crew. as op touched on, and as i have touched on, ahab had little screentime and not a lot of character development. her now being a member of hermann's crew gives ample opportunity for further development of her character---i think we'll see why exactly she became so obsessed with the whale and why she is the way she is (the aspect of ahab as a victim, i imagine there's a deeply personal reason why the decided the whale was the source of all evil)

this leads to me another point op mentioned: ishmael sparing ahab.

op talks about this as a bad thing. i STRONGLY disagree.

the name of the game here is obsession. ishmael's new ego for this season is even named "blind obsession". from the 4.5 event, we saw that this obsession has been tearing her apart. several people theorized after that event, and during this canto, that she was for sure going to distort. the fact that she had a distortion effect behind her battle sprite made lots of people (including me) extremely confident that she would distort and be the boss of this chapter (outis said in part 1 that lcb doesn't need all 12 sinners to operate and you only use half in battle anyway).

if ishmael had killed ahab, she would have given into her obsession and may have *actually* distorted if she did. and she would have proven ahab completely and utterly right.

ishmael stealing away the opportunity to be the one to kill the pallid whale from ahab and leaving her to rot inside the collapsing whale with that knowledge is the best possible punishment ahab could have gotten.

that's why i didn't like the fact that ahab had survived, it felt like it defeated the point of ishmael's development and the canto itself. i changed my mind because the point of ishmael's character development was letting go of her obsession and being free from ahab, and ahab doesn't need to be dead for her to do that. and her involvement with hermann's group means an opportunity for a bigger and better comeuppance since she's probably going to have a new obsession soon enough.

[wuucchoo]

How do you feel about Megumi and Hana? Friendship, romantic feelings, etc. 

im pretty neutral about them, i think. their pairing kinda reminds me of yorozu x sukuna, but a lot less crazier. and i never really thought about it until this ask.. but, arent they too similar 🤔?

also, i think hana was judged way too harshly for her fumble in 212 tbh. when it comes to writing megumi, gege relies greatly on subtlety - to the point where some people tend to miss the nuances in his character (and his connection with other characters) a lot.

people were saying that the only reason that hana fell for the bait was because she is a dumb kid. and while that could be one of the reasons, it wasnt really the main one. she failed because she believed in the goodness of megumi's heart. sukuna took advantage of that by acting like a shoujo male lead back in 212 (or 213?) to trick hana, and hana fell for it because, while she never saw megumi personally act like that, that was her perception of megumi - the kind boy who saved a random girl when they were kids.

there is potential in their pairing, canonically, and i would have loved if gege showed more of their dynamic before 212 happened. hell, i think it would have been better narratively if we saw hana before the culling game even happened. because the way it happened in the story was kinda abrupt, her connection with megumi felt like something gege just inserted there last minute or something. two pages of a flashback is just not enough.

but, yeh, gege wanted to speed things up so much - character connections and dynamic outside of punch punch kick just goes whooossh most of the time :(

and now that i think on it, gege seems to have a plan set in stone for megumi that he seems to believe to be good (story-wise) - and he has been holding it out from the readers for so long. however, because of this 'plan', he has not been able to 'properly' portray megumi's connections with other people aside from yuji. everyone else's connection with him, is presented in a manner that's too subtle people tend to miss it. ((i dont really know why, but these things were actually a lot more properly portrayed in the early draft, jujutsu sousen, where megumi and yuuji's connection was a lot more established - megumi and tsumiki's bond was portrayed better, etc. in kaisen, everything is built on subtlety in favor of punching and kicking all day everyday))

what im trying to say is that gege never really gave hana and megumi that much moments for me to feel anything about them as a pair in canon - platonic or romantic. and while i do love the careful subtlety in megumi's character, sometimes thats not enough when it comes to his connection with other people. its easy to sympathize with him, but not with the people he's connected with. i hope this side of the story gets some rework when the anime comes tho, additional stuff with regards to megumi's connection with other people (like his sister, hana, gojo, etc.) needs to be a lot more visible than subtle hints from gege.

((they could be cute in fanon, tho i dont really see much fan works of them together.. and that is mostly coz gege never explored their dynamic in canon. in canon, hana just comes off as a silly girlie who talks about destiny and such with a boy she barely knows - much like yorozu 🤔))

holy this turned into an essay.

uhhhh. tldr: i think they would have been okay as a pair (both platonic and romantic) if gege bothered to flesh it out.

[michixoxo]

hello i just wanted to request a one-shot! i love your writing haha

anyways could you write a oneshot based on the reader (female) (who’s dating arlo-secretly or publicly idk) having to fight john during the joker arc and arlo gets involved and the aftermath of the fight? like if the reader is hospitalised! kind of like when joker and remi fought. thanks sm if you can!

ofc! thank you anon, im just glad i have people to write for <3

word count: 1.1K

a fucking jungle. that's the only way you can describe this hell hole. as if high school wasn't bad enough, with joker running around, it's become an anxious mess of trembling cowards and fools. though, as much as you'd like to blame the rest of the student body for how things are going down, you can't shake the feeling like you're all to blame. too self-absorbed, too violent, too cruel, to notice nor care about those below us. with a strained laugh, you figure you're the same. too vain.

but instead of degrading yourself any longer, you walk down the empty hallway, wondering whether it'd be better to text arlo for his location than search for him. though, whenever you both would plan to meet up, it would always catch some prying eyes, ruining the whole secret relationship part of your secret relationship. you reach for your phone in your back pocket, still looking forward. he's been really stressed lately, for good reason, maybe you should take him out for dinn—? huh? that's weird. you don't feel your phone in your pocket. you hum as you turn your neck back and—

—collide with someone's white-knuckled fist. you barely have time to process whats going on as you fall down, red already beginning to drip down and out of your nose onto the pristine white floor. who the hell?! who would dare—?! a knee connects with your head, forbidding any coherent thoughts.

"you're boyfriend's fucking useless, and so are you.", you're not you when you're hungry, and you can't help but think, as you look at that infamous ski mask through blood laced eyes, that mister joker could really benefit from a snickers. you power up, the glow in your eyes as dim and pessimistic as your chances in this fight. yet, you stand, though the reddened ground almost seems to drag you with it. you stand, though you wish to sleep and never wake again. you stand, because a certain blond doesn't like cowards and damn it all to hell if you aren't gonna try for him.

despite this, a pig's resolve is never thought of by the farmer. try as you might, but as you hear the crack of your spine under his foot, you realize there's not a world in which a mere spade could trump this joker. you fall, face first on the ground. you watch, as the black of his shoes comes into view. surly, he won't kick you while you're— fuck! okay, maybe he will. and he does so multiple times to where it's almost funny. you make a cruel beat with the rhythm of his kicks and the sound of your groans. a symphony never realized, for a forceful punch knocks joker off his beat.

"HAVE YOU NOT HAD ENOUGH?!", you barely open your eyes, blood soaked, making it hard to see. though, you'd recognize that pristine blond hair anywhere. "SHE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO YOU! HOW VIOLENT— HOW CRUEL ARE YOU?!", the source of all our problems: violence, cruelty. but, he's right, you didn't do anything. didn't do anything when you saw the lower tiers brought to their knees. didn't do anything when you saw the manic grins of the higher tiers, getting off from their pain. you held no hand in it, but maybe to joker, your eyes hold the same guilt.

judge, jury, and executioner, he lands a solid punch to arlo's face. not like it did much, his skin feels closer to stone than flesh. still, the slightly muffled, impossibly vengeful voice reaches your ears, "you didn't stop sera from being kidnapped, but you have the balls to prevent your fucking whore from getting what she deserves? your priorities seem to be fucked up, your majesty." you try to laugh, but only blood sputters out. darkness overtakes you, violent and cruel.

...

"its all my fault.", you never took arlo as the self depricating kind, but you can understand the sentiment as you lie in hospital gowns and wheeze with every breath. "no, it's not, he was gonna go after me anyways. the whole destroy the hierarchy thing he's going on about and all...fuck, how could we not know there was someone this strong in Wellston?", you cough, "and apparently bloodthirsty."

you raise an eyebrow as he looks away, a certain expression gracing his face, one you've never seen. it almost looks like... shame? no, no, arlo? ashamed? did joker give you brain damage or something-? no way. no. way.

"you good?", his attention returns back to you. he holds your gaze before smiling, soft and delicate. an expression you've seen many times before, one reserved only for you. "i should be asking you, you're in the hospital bed after all.", "meh, i'll walk it off." you both allow yourself to giggle, basking in each other's company.

he holds your hand, resting his forehead ever so gently on the back. "i'm sorry. i'm really, really sorry." you grimace, it's not his fault. if anything, joker should be apologizing. he should be here groveling, begging for your forgiveness rather than arlo, the man you want to marry.

you caress his face, lifting your hand to cup his cheek gently, pulling his head up. your heart aches, looking at those glossy blue eyes. he hasn't cried in years, told you as much, and yet here he is, on the brink. and all for you. with your thumb, you rub circles into his cheek.

"i love you, and i'll always be here for you.", you say, imagining that the ache in your heart matches his as he leans into your touch, letting out a breathy chuckle. he sighs, and his breath is warm against your chilled hands.

"besides, a couple kicks isn't gonna kill me. joker will have to try harder to take me out!", you give him a thumbs up, earning a more genuine laugh. "right, he'd have better luck by throwing a book at your head.", you gasp, "hey! i read, probably more than you, you ass!", "hm, you're right,", you cross your arms proud at your— "it'd have to be a calculus book. blunt force combined with your hatred of math? might have to arrange your funeral right now.", "HEY!"

you spend the evening like that, which soon falls into the night. the sun descends down the buildings outside the window, not returning. your sun, similarly grabs a blanket, covering himself with it as he sleeps in a chair at your bedside, holding your hand in his. you glance at him, and squeeze his hand ever so slightly. this is the man you want to marry, and joker better try his damn hardest to take you from him.

[pupuyvs]

okay heres my latest long ass ramble lol:

so now that you mention it, i do see the emphasis on their different social classes more clearly now. i noticed it before but never really put too much thought into it until this latest update and we see everything come to head. now all the times you wrote about their wealth classes are like glaring me in the face lol and i see how it plays such an important role in this story.

some moments like:

the first time jihye went to chaewons house to "fix" eunchaes pc. when she got there she really said she felt like her just breathing and being in the house mansion brought down its value. like no jihye 😭 why you think like that girl. but i get her though. cause if youre not used to so much wealth it can be uncomfortable and awkward to be around.

and when jihye was getting ready for her first date with chaewon. she got her car cleaned and everything cause maybe she was thinking 'my car isnt the nicest or newest but i should at least get it cleaned to be somewhat acceptable for chaewon.'

another was when they went to jihyes hometown. yes its a small town in the countryside (totally different from the big city of seoul), but when jihye explained that all their families were close because she and the other kids would play outside because only one kid had a tv, and even then that kid wasnt even there that often. on the other hand, chaewon and eunchae have a game room, while jihye and her childhood friends only had one tv that they didnt even get to use all that much like bro 😭

all were smartly placed into the story (amazing writing by you 😘) to show just how far apart jihye and chaewons social classes are and just how different their childhoods were.

then you bring in aeri and minjeong. at first, i thought them having a superiority complex with the whole school was just rich, popular kids being your typical rich and popular kids, but i was wrong.

you brought up when wonyoung mentions natty and belle, and how aeri straight up says natty and belle are beneath them. like despite being cheerleaders too, aeri still views them as below her and her friends because wealth wise, they werent in the same league as them.

again with yena. they called her crazy and weird and didnt seem to like her much or interacted with her at all (other than the fact that she dated chaewon). while yena was on the basketball team (and seemed like an important player on it too), socially in school that would give anyone some kind of popularity. yet again, aeri and them didnt socialize with her because she wasnt in their wealth class. (gonna circle back to yena in a bit)

they see themselves above everyone else because of their wealth. like another anon pointed out, the rich like to stay with the rich. and like what karina said to ning when she broke up with her (they better get back together pls they were so cute 🥺 and im totally on team ningrina with 😎 so pls) theres a social line ning and her friends (specifically her friends) drew that shouldnt be crossed. their wealth is important to them and, it seems to me with the way you wrote their characters, that they are the type of people who consider wealth a big part of who they are as a person and that it greatly defines who they are while also warping how they view and judge others (if youre not as rich as me, youre less than me).

now this leads me to chaewons friend group. like you pointed out and said it in the story itself: chaewon, ning, aeri, and minjeong are only friends because their parents do business together. they were brought together by their wealth and probably only stayed together as a group because no one else in their school comes from a family as wealthily as any of theirs. wonyoung was the exception because her family meets that standard. it wasnt genuine connection that brought them together (a stark contrast to jihye, karina, yujin, yunjin, and kazuha and eventually yena, yeji, and even wonbin). like when i think about jihyes friend group, i think of colorful lights and comfort and warmth because theyre chaotic and loud but they love and care for each other and are always having a good time. but when i think about chaewons friend group, i think of monotone colors and like an itchy sweater and walking on egg shells because it seems uncomfortable at times and one wrong slip up could end in a fight or the end of a friendship, and they dont seem to talk things out properly—when they do try, it just quickly leads to yelling and arguing and no one hears the other out. cause again, the foundation of their friend group isnt genuine connection but their families wealth and class.

and now chaewon. my girl is rich af and knows it. before jihye, she seemed to kinda follow the same line of thought has aeri and minjeong but not as intense as them. while aeri and minjeong have the vibes of 'were rich, we know it, youre not, so were going to judge you for it because youre beneath us,' chaewon seemed to have the vibe of 'im rich, i know it, and if youre not on my radar i dont really care to be involved with you.' then jihye happened (completely unplanned) and it opened up a new world for chaewon. they come from completely different backgrounds but their difference in class doesnt bother chaewon, and she seems to enjoy and like it—home made food from grandma yoo, the comfort and simplicity of jihyes car, handmade plastic bead chains to hang on your rearview mirror, and holiday parties with family and friends. in each instance, chaewon compared the experience to her regular life—home made food vs food made by renowned chefs, jihyes simple car vs fancy blacked out suvs and limos, hand made jewelry and beads vs gold watches and bracelet, holidays with family (who are actually home for the holidays) and friends vs strictly invite only business parties. she doesnt mind her and jihyes difference in class because it seems to give her things shes missing out in her own life. now, while this can be seen as a good thing for chaewon and jihye, it kinda affects their relationship negatively because she doesnt vocally tell jihye any of this. so while shes enjoying all the things jihye is having her experience, jihye is hyper aware of their differences in class and is insecure about it (everything i mentioned chaewon liking, jihye was actually insecure about and always second guessed herself before doing).

now this whole college thing. in my other ask, i talked about how chaewon probably saw jihye not telling her about her college choice as a sign of her not thinking about the future of their relationship and defended the reason for her reaction. now as of jihye, after all this talk about wealth and class and their emphasis on the story, i think jihye didnt want to tell chaewon because it was yet another glaring highlight of their different social classes. jihye knows chaewon can get into any college she wants, money is not a problem for her, and here she is choosing andong over snu because her family cant afford two tuitions (even if her and karina are on scholarships). 

lastly, circling back to yena. i like that insight from you of yena not being mad at chaewon dating someone new, but dating someone clearly outside her social class because its just another thing that ties into the wealth and class theme. now i get where her anger is coming from (i dont justify it but i get it) like maybe she and chaewon didnt work out cause shes not as well off as chaewon and her friends, and they deemed her not worthy of chaewons time (plus maybe her and chaewon just didnt mesh well and she wasnt the best gf) but now her ex is dating someone def out of her social class and who is probs lower than yena herself. so of course yena is like 'tf. why is she the exception?’ this gives her character a bit more depth and a reason behind her actions and rage, other than just being your typical bully/jealous ex character.

to conclude this long ass thought ramble lol, while there are other factors in effect in this story, the common theme in everything is wealth and social class. and you saying how you wanted to emphasis it in the story really opened my eyes to everything i just rambled on about. its crazy to see how it affects everyone in this story and youre amazing for writing this story and plot (so well thought out dude 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 and i know i always say it but you really are the best 🙂‍↕️) i really wanna see how everything will eventually play out and how wealth and social class continues to affect the characters and their development. and i know it might be a long shot, but i do hope aeri and minjeong get some kind of redemption arc or at least grow out of their wealth-tinted eyeglasses.

-🦖

(again, team jichae til the end and now team ningrina too ✊🏼🙂‍↕️ give my girls their happy ending pls)

first off i audibly said yes multiple times while reading this each part deserves more speaking upon so ill go part by part (it wont be in order i have adhd)

regarding the part where you said chaewon enjoys jihye life its true chaewon absolutely loved how different the two lives were because she got to experience things she never had before through jihye and her family (dont worry a bonus chapter will be chaewon meeting hye’s parents) so it never occurred to her that jihye would feel some type of way thats why when jihye blows up and says chaewon would be ashamed and that they cant work cause shes poor it genuinely confuses chaewon she never even considered that being a problem

which ends up blowing up in her face because while she loves it jihye is wondering when will chaewon realize shes not good enough and that shes not deserving of chaewon jihyes biggest fear is chaewon one day waking up and resenting her because she cant afford to live chaewons lifestyle

she cant go on trips to other countries just because she cant buy chaewon that nice shirt she saw in the store window she cant buy chaewon the world if she wanted to and it scares her and even though chaewon doesnt care she also never revealed that to jihye

now chaewons friend group are definitely that monotone colored friend group and i tried my best to show that through doing direct comparisons

for instance the christmas and new years chapters

christmas u saw jihyes friend group, how lively they are while on new years the highlight to chaewons friend group day was passing out on expensive wine

i love how u pt out all it takes is one mistake for them to fight because truthfully chaewons whole friend group are emotionally stunted (except for like wonyoung but she joined so late they view her as one of them but not one of them if u get what i mean) that they do care for each other i wasnt supposed to reveal this yet cause i wanted to save it for next chapter but i can let yall in on a little secret

yena runs the tea acc (i think everyone knows that) the reason why aeri can get it deleted is cause she knows yena runs the acc and lets her run it peacefully because she thought if chaewon kept seeing yeonjun cheat she’d eventually leave him

though only yizhuo knew they were fake dating the rest of the group saw how miserable yeonjun was making chaewon (what was making her miserable was him getting caught) and aeri just wanted her to be in a happy relationship (she wants the same yizhuo but she cant get past the difference)

(to add on earlier the reason why the group dont bother to talk it out is just like chaewon said theyre stuck together as long as their parents do business together and if that partnership is lifelong yall literally stuck together no matter what)

speaking on yena while she def has some jealous ex tendencies she makes it clear that it isnt the fact chaewons dating the problem but who she dating is for example on her priv she refers to jihye as a “thing” she gets mad that jihye is publicly looking at chaewon almost as if dehumanizing jihye (just like she does when she destroys her robotics room) im someone that likes small details for stories so trust guys sometimes ur not overanalyzing i did put that in there on purpose

lastly ofc the class issues ik ive referenced them during this rant but to really discuss ur first pt the first date and first meet chapter is meant to really emphasize on everything

the way that she stands in one spot in the house in fear of dirtying the house, the way she takes time to enter the house, the dirtiness of her shoes compared to the new expensive slippers that chaewon gives her without a second thought, the awe shes in at a chandelier

and its emphasized even more in the first date

the stickers on the dashboard are meant to show that the car is the parents old one, the stickers there from the girls who now share it, the stain on the chairs in the back from both the friends and the girls themselves, the vacuum indents to show that jihye furiously cleaned it in fear of it not being clean enough for chaewon (like she felt she wasnt clean enough to be in chaewons house), the aux cord instead of the bluetooth cause its clearly an older car, even the fingerprints that are from jihyes friends (and ofc the town itself but i think yall know that)

i did these things because when i read aus especially ones where ones rich and the other is not they tend to leave the troubles out of it when in reality a gap that big will lead to problems (college, parents approval, insecurity, etc.)

at one pt for the angst chapter i had jihye saying “rich ppl will always get to dream while poor people eventually have to face reality” (which i got inspired by a quote on twt saying sumn about “i wish poor kids were able to continue dreaming” in reference to arts) which is another reason why they viewed their future differently chaewon is able to dream of a future of them together while jihye has to face a reality where she has to go to a smaller college and she has to get a job getting a bit more than minimum wage because thats the reality

i didnt mean to ramble this long i just love being able to talk to yall about stuff like this i love being able to give insight and behind the scenes of what i do i love yall picking my brain

(and dw ningrina and jichae’s futures are bright)

[askbensolo]

Hey Ben!

I first found your blog when i was 13 years old and i just turned 18! I’ve been watching (or rather reading) as you’ve grown, and I’d like to say that you seem to have turned out to be a pretty great person. Even though I hadn’t faced the same challenges as you, it was really comforting to know that i was not alone with personal struggles, and just how hard growing up is. Thank you for being you and sharing that with so many people! I head off to university when my planet transitions to fall, and since you’re out of school now do you have and recommendations for college/university? It seems like such a daunting change, but you seemed to have handled it well. (I mean you did graduate so that’s a pretty big success!) Again I’m super proud of you!

-P.S.

Im glad that you’re getting back in contact with Fannie! You should totally invite her on a day out (go to a park, hang out in a market, etc.) I think those are great ways to better connect with someone if they feel a little distant. (plus that could be a perfect opportunity to ask her if she would like to move in with you)!

Thanks! Stay Awesome Ben!

Hey anon! Congrats on becoming an adult! It’s okay if you don’t feel like one yet, haha—Force knows I didn’t when I was eighteen. I’m glad I could share my growing-up experiences with you and everyone! And I'm glad you think I'm a decent guy. I try. Well, usually.

Congrats on getting into university! Oh, what? You're asking me for advice? Well, yeah, I guess I did graduate, heh. Sure, I'll give it a go.

Don’t freak out about not knowing how to do stuff—like not knowing how to buy groceries, or sign a lease, or navigate local speeder lanes, or apply for a job, or any of that. I used to not know how to do any of that. I was freaked out. But somehow, I learned. And now it’s no big deal. Older students and the holonet are your friends when it comes to figuring that stuff out!

For the love of the Force: take care of yourself. Whoever was taking care of you when you were a kid isn’t there anymore. The seven-year-old in you is gonna think that means you can eat ice cream for dinner and stay up till 2am every night. Don’t. Do. That. You’re gonna need to be your own mom now. Or, you can pretend my mom, the OG Space Mom™, lives in your head and lovingly judges your life choices.

Question the things you’ve been taught. And when professors tell you to question the things you’ve been taught, question their questioning too. But don't question things forever. You need to decide what you believe about things, 'cause otherwise someone else is gonna decide for you.

You don't have to choose certain classes (or even an entire major!) just because they line up with your interests. For example—I tried taking a poetry class. Hated it. I didn't like having my creativity cramped by assignments, and I didn't learn anything I didn't already know or couldn't learn on my own.

Don’t feel pressured to date in college. I didn't date anyone (yeah, I know, you're so surprised). Sometimes I felt like I was being left behind, 'cause I saw so many of my friends get into relationships...but, I saw some nasty breakups, too. Things happen when (and if!) they're meant to happen, so there's no need to stress about it. You know?

Try new stuff! Yeah, it sounds cliche. But I let my roommate drag me to the gym when I was a squishy noodly boi, and now lifting's my thing. You never know what you might be into!

Always keep the big picture in mind. Sure, it may feel like the end of the galaxy when you flunk an exam or fail a class. But do you really think you’re gonna care about that when you’re like, fifty? Nah bro. Keep it chill. And sometimes that even means dropping out of a minor or an honors program, if you look into the future and realize it won't really make a difference.

Don't do deathsticks. If anyone offers you deathsticks tell them to go home and rethink their life.

That's all the advice I can currently think of, though I'm always happy to share more from my infinite (not really) stores of wisdom! And thanks for your advice, too—those totally sound like things Fannie would be into.

Thanks for reaching out! You're gonna do great at college, little buddy!